#oh its because i can just buy a new tv and problem solved probably

[artemisbarnowl]

Somethings weird about me now. I havent cried since thursday but i feel like this

Hormones? Did a switch flip and im just....on the next stage of getting over it?

#i still want to talk to him every day #also its important to know thursday was PATHETIQUE i was laying my head on a letter crying because i missed him and wanted to be close #oh maybe its because i changed my apartment round and the tv broke and a valuer is coming on thursday and im sewing so my brain is just too #static to focus on grief? #thats fake though why pick going to jb for a tv around a public holiday instead of.....twn years #of love and companionship #oh its because i can just buy a new tv and problem solved probably

[azucanela]

*throws some Dabi, Toga and Tomura your way*- please headcanons of those three when they find their lover crying and really sad, trying to cheer them up. THANK YOUUUUU!

comforting their s/o headcannons [gender neutral!reader]

[ft. dabi, shigaraki tomura, toga himiko]

SUMMARY: you’re crying and they’re trying to comfort you while considering dozens of creative ways to commit murder.

WORD COUNT: 1.6k

WARNINGS: threats of bodily harm, death threats, crying, 

A/N: my knife wife & co. <3 

DABI

aight so

he does this thing where he just shows up at your house during the most random times to spend time with you

he just appears and is like, “hey we’re going out.”

“where?”

“does it matter?”

when he shows up for another one of your spontaneous outings and finds you sitting on your couch, sobbing well... 

probably the calmest in the moment but internally, he is PANICKING, what is he supposed to do? normally he makes people cry, on purpose so he’s never had to actually comfort someone

much less has he ever cared enough to comfort someone, so congrats you are special, feel honored, you melted his icy heart and you don’t even have a fire quirk like he does

he’s gonna stare at you for a hot minute trying to decide what to do, and you are gonna have the most mortified look on your face as you rapidly try to wipe away tears and muffle your sobs

“what happened?” he’s gonna sound really apathetic, but he cares and he’s just trying to figure out what to do right now, and not freak you out by freaking out himself

it is not easy to stop hyperventilating once you’ve started, and as you are struggling to breathe and trying to respond, he’ll come by your side on the couch suddenly, and start rubbing a hand on your back

“come on, doll, just breathe.”

if you wanted to talk about it, he’d be all ears, and if it ends up being a person, he’s going to burn that name into his memory, and then burn the person :D

he won’t make it obvious that he intends to commit murder once he leaves your home, which he probably wont until the next morning, he’s already decided that he’s staying the night, ordering take out for the two of you, and sleeping in your bed.

you’ll see it on the news within the week that the person is dead and you’ll just look at him like 😧

and he’ll look at you like :D “what i do?”

“you know what you did.”

“they deserved it.”

“no-”

“they made you cry”

soft boi. if you don’t tell him the person’s name he isn’t going to pry, but in his free time he will try to find out who it could be, and if you are friends with other LOV members, he’ll definitely ask if they know something

if you don’t want to talk about it at all, he will be a little upset, but he ends up focusing his efforts on comforting you with random LOV stories about twice’s shenanigans

if it’s not a person, he’ll probably try to talk you through it, maybe distract you, offer you advice if applicable though he only knows how to do illegal things for the most part

overall, he’s gonna be the calmest and most helpful in the moment, but he won’t hesitate to commit murder for you and i think that’s true love

SHIGARAKI TOMURA

hajdgksahfjdshk

this mans

you’re middle of crying in your room 

off topic you and kurogiri are the only reason that tomura’s room is clean he is a slob, there i said it

anyways, you’re minding your business, crying, as one does, and he has the AUDACITY to burst into your room, swinging the door open and promptly slamming it behind him, and he begins to talk about how Dabi DARED act disrespectful to him, when everything he’d done was to help them all.

and then he sees that you are crying, puffy red eyes, tears streaming down your now shocked face as you stared up at him before looking away to wipe your tears off your face

“oh.” he’d say, “you’re crying.” 

CLEARLY, CAPTAIN OBVIOUS

the worst at comfort, he’s really bad at relating to you because he has a tendency to shut down his own emotions despite everything that has happened to him in life

he just kinda sits down in front of you, because you are on the floor, and who doesn’t cry on the floor, its a nice experience. anyways, he sits in front of you and awkwardly tries to like pat your shoulder at first and you just break down crying more because he’s trying to hard to help you and its adorable and its progress for him

he freaks out, thinking he did something wrong and tries to retract his hand, only for you to tackle him with a hug, shoving your face into his shirt. he does not like the tears streaming down your face for several reasons, one of which is the fact that they are now staining his shirt

he decides that complaining about this is not a good idea at the moment, though he does consider it

he just sighs, awkwardly wrapping his arms around you and thinking of all the weird tropes he’d seen in TV to try and figure out how to help you

he immediately turns to food, yelling for kurogiri to get over there, much to your dismay, and ordering him to go buy as much as he could from mcdonalds as humanly possible

kurogiri thinks its a sweet gesture, and makes it a point to himself to have a conversation with tomura later about about better ways to comfort others

if you tell him whats wrong and it ends up being something he can kill? have fun trying to stop him

spoiler alert, you cant

the problem will die if he has a choice in the matter, and if you don’t tell him the name of the problem, he’ll be frustrated and try to pry it out of you, but he’ll accept it

and then give kurogiri another job, known as operation finding out why Y/N is crying 

if you aren’t crying over something he can kill, tomura is probably going to try and console you to the best of his ability, which isn’t that great, but its sweet that he tries

if you refuse to tell him why you are crying he will get frustrated and ask how he’s supposed to help if you don’t talk to him, but he’ll drop it when he notices you beginning to cry again

lots of awkward affection

just kinda sits with you in a comfortable silence until you open up about it or start a random convo

its nice

TOGA HIMIKO

WELP

very hyperactive bb, she’s probably going to come into your room and just start looking around, touching things, talking about something that just happened with twice

you are shocked, on your bed, crying, trying not to freak out as you look at her, panicked at the possibility of getting caught in the midst of crying your eyes out, you try to erase all the evidence that it ever happened while she is distracted

it takes her a hot minute to realize you are not responding, mostly because you are scared your voice will crack, there’s the sound of sniffling, and when she finally turns to look at you, she sees your puffy eyes and tear streaked face

honestly the best at comforting someone, like the way she is with twice when he tears his mask just proves this tbh, she can maintain her sweet and bubbly personality and it makes you feel better about crying because it doesn’t feel like she is pitying you

very affectionate, “baby whats wrong?” she’s going to get down on her knees in front of you and wrap her arms around you, unless you make it clear that you do not wanna be touched, otherwise, her hands are everywhere

if the problem is a person, she’s going to verbally threaten their life in front of you, and if you don’t express disapproval of murder, she will likely commit murder

“can i kill them? i promise it won’t hurt for long- unless you want it to?”

“no?”

“are you sure? because i think they deserve it.”

while you are napping, she slips off the bed to go out and end your problem and you awaken to her trying to quietly re-enter the room covered in blood 

if you insist that murder is not the answer, she’ll still end up finding and threatening them should they ever hurt you again

people thought her quirk was weird and they bullied her, so i feel like if a person had anything to do with it, she would take it personal as well, because an attack on her s/o is an attack on her as well

if the problem is something else, she’ll provide solutions, and likely try to solve the problem for you if possible, she just really wants you to stop hurting because it makes her sad if she cannot do anything about it

she just wants you happy :,)

if you don’t tell her the name of the person she WILL ask the LOV for help in finding out who it is and ending them

if you just don’t want to talk about the problem at all, she’ll respect that and focus on distracting you, similar to dabi, telling you odd experiences she had with the league that day

doesn’t care if you cry into her clothes, will hold you and play with your hair, will bring you cookies or something like that, courtesy of kurogiri, our fave

very verbal and physical, but if you decide you wanna talk about it she will go silent and listen rather intently while playing with your hands, the only addition she makes tend to be cursing out the problem for ever bothering you

she’s so romantic when she’s cursing out your problems and threatening the life of those who hurt you, why wouldn’t you want that smh

#dabi x reader #dabi x you #dabi x y/n #toga himiko x reader #toga x reader #himiko x reader #himiko toga x reader #toga x you #toga x y/n #toga himiko x you #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki x you #shigaraki tomura x reader #shigaraki tomura x you #tomura x reader #tomura x you #tomura shigaraki x reader #tomura shigaraki x you #bnha #bnha headcannons #bnha x reader #x reader #dabi headcannons #dabi x reader headcanons #toga x reader headcannons #shigaraki x reader headcannons

[quirklessidiot]

Title: daddy’s first day [coward series au] Pairing: F!Reader x Miya Atsumu Genre: fluff, parents au, slice of life au Synopsis: In which Miya Atsumu takes charge of taking care of the kids for a day Warnings: none!

notes; you don’t need to read coward tbh to read this chapter, its just miya atsumu navigating his life as a daddy hshsshs [side stories are updated every friday] read the series here!  [ ss;; one, two, three, four ]

“...Remember that Youta is allergic to shrimps and Yuuto’s got sensitive skin, I have all the medication in case anything happens and Yuuto has his soap in the bathroom in a separate container, just make sure that the water isn’t too cold nor too hot and remind him to wear sunscreen every two hours.” You explain, placing the last of your valuables in your bag “...I’m also on speed dial and you also have the number of their pediatricians on your number 2 speed dial, I also have the food in the tupperware prepared the night before-”

“Y/N, sweetheart, please calm down. I’m not going to kill our kids when you’re gone for the next nine hours.” he frowns at how distrusting you were towards him. okay, he admitted that he may have hated the boys at first but that was before. They were your kids now, that was totally different! They weren’t some random brats on the street! You should have a little faith in him!

“Atsumu, you almost burned down the house while making scrambled eggs.” You expressed, a glint of amusement on your eyes, “Would you like me to call ‘samu-san or Daiki-san?”

He scoffed at the mention of those two men, after ‘samu found out that he was actually an Uncle of those kids, he suddenly had a one hundred sixty degree change of attitude. Of course, Atsumu was happy that you guys got along and the kids seemed to start warming up to him but it seemed like you trusted ‘samu  more these days and that daiki too.

“Alright, just help them with their homework and heat up the food okay? I have everything prepared.” You leaned in to give him a quick peck on the temple before leaving. He watches you leave the house in a hurry for work with a frown on his lips.

Married life with you was easy, you were like a superwoman. A great mom, a great co-worker, even a greater wife. How come he couldn’t be as half as good as you? Like be a cool dad to your kids or something? He couldn’t even cook the damn eggs well and there you were, making some Michelin star cuisine while making your kids happy and content and your work life thriving.

“Oh,” Yuuto’s brow is scrunched together as he exits his shared room with his brother, see, that’s what he gets from the kids, awkwardness and insults (mostly insults,really), “You know ever since you came back, ‘kaasan’s always been busy and hasn’t been spending time with us.”

“Yeah.” Youta yawns, scratching his eyes as he exits the room, “You even make bad food, I think you should just keep playin’ volleyball or something.”

Atsumu feels a tick on his forehead, they were definitely his sons that’s for sure.

“I’m trying here.”

Yuuto stifles as chuckle at his father’s reply, wanting to comfort him, he told him a little fact that their ojisan told him recently, “Sure you are,  you’re doing a lot better than okaasan, Daiki-ojisan said okaasan didn’t know how to hold us until we were three or four.” the eight year old grinned.

Atsumu grabs a tupperware from the fridge that’s labelled ‘breakfast’ and proceeds to heat it up on the microwave, “I’m sure that’s a lie. Your okaasan seems to do very well now, it’s hard to imagine her messing up.”

He watches them eat their egg rolls and bacon, time flies quick these days. The boys were already eight years old and were getting more and more into volleyball. Youta exclaimed he wanted to be a pro like him while Yuuto wanted to be like you (although he still played volleyball a lot because he had the competitive streak thanks to his father)

“Can we invite Tobio-ojisan on our birthday?” Yuuto asks while Atsumu rolls his eyes, he can’t believe that this kid still idolized that idiot. He beated him thrice already! (okay, Tobio had beated him five times including high school nationals but still)

“Oh also, Shoyou-ojisan then we can play against them!” Youta grins, mouth stuffed with egg rolls. Atsumu grimaces at him then grabs a napkin to wipe off the rice on the side of his lip, “How are you guys not impressed by me?” their father grumbles.

“You’re our otosan.” Yuuto deadpanned.

“Yeah, we see you everyday.” Youta added.

After helping the kids out in the bath (especially Yuuto since apparently he needed a temp check for the water), he had them do their projects and assignments (you had a long list on what they should accomplish today and one of them was a science planetary object)

The thing is though, he wasn’t very good at that.

He ended up having ‘samu on speaker to help the kids as they choked on their laughter because their otosan still thought that Pluto was a planet.

It also didn’t help when their math assignments came up, oh boy, Youta had a problem with one number and when he tried to explain to Atsumu that there was a new way to solve that and that their sensei had told them to solve it that way, he got pissed, “I don’t know that way! Why would they change math?  MATH IS MATH!” He screeches at the notebook as if it had done something wrong to him.

Safe to say, Yuuto had a field day as he watched his otosan frustratingly solve the math problem whilst muttering something about how math was complicated and they didn’t need to change up the equations. Youta, on the other hand,  had to calm him down and tell him they could just use the old way to solve the problem.

“...I want pizza.”

“Your mom left us dinner.”

“It says here on the note that you have to bake it in the oven.” Yuuto reads out loud, “ ‘Samu-ojisan says that you shouldn’t touch an oven though.”

Atsumu feels like he’s aging quick because of these two kids, how is it that they were such angels to you but little devils towards him? “...when they’re angels, they’re Y/N’s kids but when they become devils, they’re yours.” ‘Samu jokes.

Ah, he felt his forehead tick on that statement. He had some pretty redeeming qualities that he passed on to his kids like his looks and skills in volleyball! 

“Otosan, I don’t think you should put the tupperware in the oven.”

“I know what I’m doing here.”

Clearly, he didn’t. He ended up melting the plastic tupperware and having to call for takeout right after. The three of them looked at the melted tupperware and the food spillage in the oven, “Okaasan really likes those tupperwares.” Youta points out.

“I’ll buy her ten new ones.” Atsumu grimaced at the food in the oven, he should clean that and get rid of all the evidence when you come home in an hour. In fact, he should just buy a new oven because he thinks the smell is permanent there, “Wanna watch a movie before you go to bed? I promise I’ll cover for you.”

“You just don’t want us to tell okaasan that you melted her tupperware.” Yuuto pointed out.

“Pffft…” Atsumu laughs, pretending to shake it off, “I would not.”

“Extra scoop of ice cream on Sunday.”

“Yeah!” Youta echoes.

Atsumu narrows his eyes, “Deal.”

They ended up sprawling on the couch after putting on their pajamas. The kids sip their milk next to him, after seeing Kageyama drinking loads of it, the boys decided that if a big boy like Kageyama Tobio could drink milk, they could to (Osamu crackles because they didn’t seem to listen to Atsumu lecturing them about the benefits of milk) Halfway through the movie, the kids fell asleep and the blonde feels his eyes shut soon after too. 

You come in quietly as you notice the quiet chatter of the TV and the figures of your three boys on the couch, all snuggled together. Your heart immediately softens as soon as you see the domestic scene in front of you. Something you probably never could imagine before, your boys. You take a picture before waking your husband up with a light kiss on the jaw, “You look like you had a fun day.” you mumbled, loud enough for him to hear.

“I hate math assignments.” was all he could reply.

You silently chuckled as you picked up Youta, “I’ll put the kids to bed, mind running me a bath?”

“Can I join in?” Atsumu suddenly awakened as soon as he heard what you said, a smirk dancing on his lips, “Save water and all that?”

“Are you really going with me in the tub?” You narrowed your eyes, “Last time we did that together, we ended up having two kids.”

“What’s another two more?”

“Miya Atsumu.”

taglist [officially closed, if you guys want to be removed for the side stories, feel free to tell me hehe ilyasm and thank you once again, coward wouldn’t be possible without all you people + other readers]

@fortheloveofiwaizumi ;  @svtbitch  ; @kiyoomile ; @lovedanii​ ; @juno-multifandom​ ; @gyubit17​ ; @saeranoppa​ ; @nixxona​ ; @kyomihann​ @shorttstackk​ ; @intoomuchfandoms​ ; @yammmers​ ; @mx-minxx​ @itsmattsunshinehere​ ; @missingmystogan​ ; @volleybloop​ ; @imcravingyou​ ; @yams-wants-that-booty ; @liathachcapricious​ ; @pinknugget​ @seikamuzu​ ; @marigoldthoughts​ ; @sillykittt​ ; @baejinoffcl​ ; @alluring-akaashi​ ; @bnhasstuff​  ; @intheawks​ ; @bokuakadaily​ ; @agaassi​ ; @yams046​  ; @dope-squish ; @chrisrue15​ ; @vermillionwaves​ ; @demursv1ogs​ ; @just-snog-already ; @angmarwitch  ; @simpingonothers ; @woo-youngs ; @cowward ; @chaelysian ; @sempiternal-amour ; @jungshookmeup ; @jovialnoise ; @karlitabi-rrito ; @iwaizluv ; @sugarandsoft ; @tspice283 ; @ohshirabu ; @syzygymai ; @volleybloop ; @oikaw-ugh ; @pockytokyo ;  @differentballooncollection ;  @keniloveshaikyuu ; @turquoiselace ; @playboygeniusphilanthropist ;   @keijislut ; @notyourbitchboy​

@misosamu  @Etherynaw  @ryaaaax @allysasteaparty   @mikaashi  @brownie0food @ph10xy  @Chocolaterumble [hi, i can’t seem to tag u guys, i think you need to open your tags uwu]

#miya atsumu x reader #miya atsumu imagine #miya atsumu scenarios #miya atsumu fanfiction #atsumu x reader #atsumu imagines #haikyuu imagines #haikyu!! fanfics #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu headcanons

[ps-i-dont-even-know]

Devil may cry headcanons

You know I wasn't expecting you put a lot of Kyrie stuff in this one but I couldn't help it. Also there's dadgil in here because I really love it, sorry for no young Dante and Vergil I'm running out of ideas since I can't remember most of my childhood. Also for those who are interested, I’m thinking of starting taking request/ask for headcanons and writing, possibly drawing but their not the best, but I need to work stuff out at the moment.

Sometimes when Vergil has a mission near Nero and Kyrie, he stops by their house

The first time he did this was shocking to Nero, not only was Vergil there, but V and Urizen was there too, and it was going to be extremely ridiculous to explain this to Kyrie

And he knew how this was go and how she is protective over Nero since losing her brother and nearly losing Nero.

"Nero, who's at the... door", " Oh, um Kyrie I would like to introduce you to my dad, er … Dads?", "Your, Dads?", "Look its complicated and a long story, anyway this is my main Dad, Vergil, he's kind of nice but doesn't really talk that much. This is my dad's human half, V, he's nice, likes poems and has animals, strange one that is. And lastly is my dads demon half, um I'm not sure if he's nice or not since he raised the demon tree", "Oh that's nice, by the way which one was the one that hurt you", "Wait, Kyrie, No!"

Nero has to hold Kyrie back from trying to attack Vergil, mostly for her safety. Of course she doesn't forgive Vergil at first, because of what he has done and while she gives off a nice demeanor, her glares and scowls are anything buy warm and welcoming. Which Vergil approves of Kyrie dating Nero, having someone who will fight for you instead of turning tail when something bad happens

After a while Kyrie finally forgives Vergil, because she shouldn't hold grudges that are already in the past, and to move on. But she does tell him that if he were to do something like this again she would not hesitate to hurt him, and Vergil knowing that it would be impossible for her to hurt him agrees. And the tension is finally gone and she is more welcoming to him. Which is great for Nero's case since he felt like he was being smothered in between all their glaring and the tension.

Kyrie also makes apple pie when Vergil visits, since apples are one of his favorite fruits and because the one time he visit she made some for the orphans and she asked if he would like a slice and at first he said no, but soon gave in and had a slice, well maybe two or three but he wont admit to it.

He will also go grocery shopping with her when he has free time and Nero is busy, only to help find ingredients for new food Kyrie wants to try, and to get to know each other better.

On holidays when Vergil and Nero will help Kyrie cook some of the food. Sometimes Dante will try to sneak some sweets only for his hand to be hit by a spatula as Kyrie tells him, he needs to wait or he'll spoil his dinner. In which Dante's pouting, Nero and Nico are giggling, and Vergil is smirking.

Nero has Kyrie fix his jackets when he comes back from missions sometimes, normally he will tell her he doesn't want to put work on her, but she wants to do something nice for him. She also teachers Nero how to sew and stitch so when there are days she can't fix he can do it himself, which took a while but he got it down and not only does he fox his jacket but also helps make clothing for some of the kids, sure his stitching or sewing not the best but they love it nonetheless. Kyrie has also has sewn cat like ears on one of Nero jackets without him knowing until Dante was laughing at him, he chewed him out but still kept the ears on his hoodie because he likes it.

Kyrie got Nero into cooking and remodeling house shows, sometimes he’ll turn it on just to see how the house changed and kind of debated on doing it with their house. What surprised him was the time he came into the living room where the tv was and saw Kyrie watching crime investigator shows, saying she finds its interesting about how they solve the problems, which Nero also got into, along with most of the kids.

The kids will dog pile both Dante and Vergil, Dante loves it, play fighting with the kids and stuff. Vergil on the other hand he doesn’t expect it and isn’t used to the contact, so he gets stiff and weirded out.

Dadgil

He got a school suspension, because well doing his first judgement cut on an apple sitting on a desk while cutting the apple but also the desk was something he wasn't supposed to do, and also because there not supposed to bring weapons to school

Nero had brought the Yamato, Cerberus, Nevan, and Agni & Rudra to his school show and tell, because he want to knock the socks off the kids who brought in pets, toys, or food from a different country

Vergil was frustrated that he had gotten a call from the school that his son brought weapons to school and was being suspended because of it and was mad that Dante let the Nero bring the weapons to school in the first place because it was Dante’s day to take the kid to school and he was busy

He was proud that Nero had done a judgment cut for the first time even if it was tiny and told him not to do this again.

Nero technically has two dads. Vergil and V, he loves when V visits him because of his strange pets, and the way he acts, he's mysterious but kind and loves his poems

Nero will not sleep unless V or Vergil reads him something be it a poem or story, and will try to stay up when Vergil is out on a mission. Being read to helps Nero sleep

On that subject of sleeping, Nero has frequent nightmares. It might be something he has gotten from Vergil, but there will be times where Nero leaves his bed and walks to his dad's room asking if he can sleep in bed with him, and half awake Vergil will agree. Sometimes Vergil will softly sing to Nero because after his nightmares it takes him a while to get back to sleep, and god forbid if Dante heard him singing he knows that he will not let him live this down.

Nero wanted to learn an instrument because his dad knows how to play a violin, and his uncle knows how to play both the drums and guitar. Though the problem was he didn't know which one to go with, there was many to choose from, he kind of stuck with a trombone since it slides a lot and the style is kind of it is great, also he can get away with spitting on Dante.

Nero has only two fears, spirits/ghost and frogs. Its mostly Dante's fault for letting Nero watch paranormal horror movies at night. And Nero doesn't know why he is afraid of frogs, maybe its the way they look or something he doesn't know nor care.

When he was at the park with Nico and Kyrie, did his fear of frogs really show. They were over by the pond and Nico comes over to Nero with the frog in her hand, only for him to scream and start running, while Nico chase after him giggling. Kyrie was also giggling watching Nero run from Nico was too funny.

Nero also begged his dad and uncle for a pet, he didn't care what it was as long as its not a frog. Dante was close to getting Nero a hellhound or Cerberus, but Vergil literally had to stab smack some sense in his brother. They decided on ferret, they didn't want a cat or bird because V has one and they weren't sure if its territorial or not. Hamster and Guinea pigs are tiny and live I cates not much fun there same with Lizards. Dogs are a hassle and no one wants to clean up after it, so a Ferret is what they decided on.

Nero absolutely loves it and its a noddle he can wrap it around his neck and wiggle the creature. He decided on naming it Furret cause it looked like the Pokémon and he couldn't think of anything else

Every year for fathers day Nero will try and make Vergil something, he's make weird cup looking thing that you cant drink out of it because of holes, macaroni art, drawings, cards filled with glitter galore, paper hats, the list goes on and on. But he tried making those flower thing Dante makes, he asked him how he did it and Dante responds it comes to him naturally which doesn't help at all. So he tries only for nothing to appear to his disappointment, he tries and tries until he gets the tiniest and wimpy looking thing. But happily gives it to his dad who really appreciates it.

Vergil's refrigerator is covered with child like drawings given to him from Nero, he loves them and encourages Nero to do more and that he will be the greatest artist.

When Nero first met Patty was the same day Dante was given the mission to babysit her. She was kind of bratty and annoying at first and he didn't like that she would take all of Dante's attention. They argued a lot and Dante would yell at them to stop because it was giving him a headache and they should try to get along. After having to take Patty to retrieve her family money he did start to get along with her and they started to both annoy Dante together.

Nero absolutely loves dinosaurs and has loads of toys of them, and when he was going to the Zoo with Vergil he told him he was excited to see Dinosaurs there. Only for Vergil to tell them that there aren't any dinosaurs at the zoo. (This happened to a friend of mine).

Trish and Lady likes to take Nero out shopping, normally he doesn’t mind going with them, as long as he gets something out of it. Poor Dante and his debt when he finds out how much stuff they bough for Nero

Dante watching Nero while Vergil out can lead to many, many, different ways, and Vergil dreads all of them. Dante could feed Nero only sweets and junk food instead normal healthy food, Dante could probably lose Nero somewhere be it the park or his own damn shop, Dante could probably get Nero in danger because of the demons that show up to his shop and destroys it.

Nero does get into a lot of fights at school, half of them are kids making fun of him others are he’s a hard head and doesn’t let go of grudges. The school is very frustrated in how Nero always gets into these fights, but are nervous of his dad, because of his stubbornness and how he knows that half the time its not Nero’s fault. Like one time a teacher and Nero argued about how Demons do exist and how his dad, uncle, and two aunts go out and defeat. It resulted Nero getting embarrassed in front of the class and being sent to the office and a very angry Vergil that nearly killed the teacher.

#devil may cry vergil #vergil devil may cry #devil may cry #devil may cry headcanon #dante sparda #dmc dante #devil may cry dante #dante son of sparda #vergil dmc #vergil sparda #vergil #nero sparda #nero imagine #nero devil may cry #dmc nero #nero #dadgil

[writingblock101]

Test Day (Jason Todd x Reader)

This means I have officially written a quarantine fic. What a weird time to be alive. I also hit 500 followers so thank you for that! 

Request for anon: Fluff #7 “Oh, would you look at that? There’s nowhere to sit besides my lap.” with Jason

Word Count: 1,900

Tags: @idkmanicantenglish

When your alarm went off, you wanted nothing more than to turn it off and curl up against Jason’s warm chest and pretend you didn’t hear anything. But instead, you had to be a diligent student who actually studies so you quickly shut off your alarm and try to creep out of bed, but Jason already heard your alarm go off. 

“No,” He mumbles, wrapping his arms around you tightly. 

You sigh, leaning back against Jason for a moment, relaxing in his hold. 

“I need to study,” You tell him. 

“Five more minutes,” He mumbles into your neck. “It’s too early to study.” 

“Any time before 11:30 is too early for you,” You remind him. “My test is today, I’ve got to cram.” 

Jason grumbles, tightening his arms around your waist. 

“Jase, come on,” You start trying to uselessly wiggle out of his grip. “I’ve been procrastinating this whole week.” 

He sighs but releases his arms. You climb out of bed, but turn and pull the blankets over Jason’s chest again and kiss his head. 

“Go back to sleep,” You tell him. 

He waves you off. 

“Yeah, go study for your test,” He grumbles. 

You can’t help but giggle at his grumpiness but quietly creep out of the room and brew a cup of coffee. Once setting yourself up at your kitchen counter, you begin the long haul of learning as much organic chemistry as possible. While you weren’t completely helpless, the quarantine forced your classes online and completely destroyed your motivation. You’d been lightly studying throughout the week, but today was grind day. 

An hour later, Jason emerges from your bedroom, still looking sleepy and a little grumpy.

“Nice sweatshirt,” He comments, pressing a kiss to the side of your head then pours himself a cup of coffee. 

You grin, tugging on the strings of Jason’s hoodie that you’re currently wearing. It’s warm, big, and smells like Jason. Honestly, at this point, it’s providing more emotional support than physical comfort. 

“I’m surprised you’re up,” You comment, glancing at the clock over your oven which reads: 8:09 AM. 

Normally, you and Jason didn’t even acknowledge the outside world until after 10 o’clock unless absolutely necessary. 

“I don’t like sleeping in an empty bed,” He admits to his coffee. “I don’t sleep as well.” 

Your heart flutters at the comment, but you ruin the moment when you look back at the practice test open on your screen. Oh, you’re still here. You squint your eyes at the old tests as if it deeply offended you (which is has by existing, thank you very much). 

“Did you eat breakfast?” Jason asks. 

“Not yet.” 

Jason nods then opens the fridge and begins making eggs while you keep cracking away at old tests. He wordlessly sets a plate of food down next to you, kisses the top of your head, then sits on the couch to quietly watch TV and enjoy his breakfast. 

A few hours pass as you keep doing practice problems and drawing figures and formulas on your little whiteboard. You’re starting to feel better about the test, but you’re still unsure. Knowing your professor, he’ll ask a question that you have all the information to solve, but no idea how to do it. Your stomach grumbles and you decide you should probably eat lunch. 

When you get stressed or “in the zone”, your brain tends to shut off your appetite. You’d never noticed it until you started living with Jason and he pointed it out after watching you study for a final. Luckily, he’s helped you become more aware of it. 

Speaking of Jason, he disappeared back to the bedroom about an hour ago, probably to read a book or do research for his next mission with the Outlaws. As a thank you for making breakfast, you fix him a sandwich along with your own and walk it back to the bedroom. 

You find him on the floor, one of his dresser drawers open, surrounded by shirts. He brightens when he sees you walk in with food. 

“How’s studying going?” He greets. 

You shrug, handing him his plate. 

“It’s going. I’m starting to feel better about it, but there’s still a lot to go. What are you doing?” 

“Cleaning out some stuff,” Jason looks at his various piles. “I never really built my wardrobe back up after I came back, so a lot of this stuff doesn’t fit me.” 

“Are you going to order some new stuff online?” 

Jason frowns. 

“Maybe? I don’t like buying clothes online.” 

“You don’t like buying clothes period,” You correct with a smile. 

“After all this is over,” Jason vaguely gestures to the air. “I’ll be more than willing to go clothes shopping for at least the first week when quarantine ends, so I’ve gotta make it count.” 

You chuckle. 

“We’ll go on a shopping spree,” You promise. “Well, I gotta keep studying--” 

“Wait, why don’t you eat lunch with me?” Jason asks. “Take a break?” 

“This is me taking a break,” You gesture to him. “I gotta keep going.” 

“Come on, babe, you’ve been studying since 7 this morning. You can afford to stop and eat lunch.” 

“The longer I wait to get back to it, the harder it’s going to be to start,” You shrug. “Sorry, Jase.” 

He frowns, watching you leave the room to keep studying. 

Two hours later, you’re still going strong-- strong as in you’re still looking at the material, but you keep getting the same style question wrong and you can’t figure out why. 

“Okay, an amino has one nitrogen, so you add one, but an amide has one site of unsaturation so you subtract two which then makes it 2n+1,” You scan the possible formulas. “None of these answers have odd numbers,” You groan then flip through your notes, knowing you’re not going to find the answer because you’ve been looking for it for the past fifteen minutes and still found nothing. 

Jason emerges from the bedroom again. 

“Hey, babe, how’s it going?” He asks, getting something to drink out of the fridge. 

“I can’t figure out how to do these stupid problems,” You groan. “I could do them on the last test, but now I can’t do them with amino or amide groups because Dr. Meades never told us the corrected formula.” 

Jason frowns, and rounds the counter, looking at the various scribbles and cross-outs on your whiteboard and open notebook. 

“Maybe you should take a break,” He suggests, rubbing your back. “You’ve been going at it now,” Jason pauses to look at the clock. “For roughly seven hours.” 

“But my test is in three hours. I’ve gotten figure out how to do these problems because there’s always five of them on the test and if I mess up one, I’m going to mess up two,” Your jaw tightens as you feel the burn of tears building in your eyes. 

Oh, hell no. Organic chemistry is NOT going to make me cry. While you care about your studies, it’s not enough to make you cry. You take a deep breath, blinking a few times to force back the tears of frustration. 

“Some fresh eyes might help. Just take a few minutes to shut your brain off,” Jason tries to urge you but you brush him off. 

“I’m okay, I promise. I’m going to see if I can find some example problems,” You start typing on your laptop again, scrounging old tests. 

Jason frowns but leaves you to work. 

Two hours later, you get up to go to the bathroom. You stare at the blue walls of your bathroom feeling drained and exhausted. You hate organic chemistry and you hate online classes. Why are you even taking this class?! It’s stupid! 

After washing your hands, you glance at the clock on Jason’s nightstand-- one hour until you take your test. Sighing heavily, you walk back out to the kitchen to continue studying, only to find every seat at the kitchen counter and small dining table have been taken by a varying amount of objects including but not limited to: a tall stack of folded laundry, a pile of what you were guessing to be Jason’s shirt rejects, a stack of plates from the cupboard, and Jason’s ammunition bag that he takes on missions. 

You stare at the chairs then glance over at Jason only to notice he stacked your textbooks and DVD collection on the loveseat while he is pointedly sprawled across the other couch. He casually reads his book, pretending to not notice you. 

“Hey, Jason?” You ask. 

He hums in response. 

“What is this?” 

Jason looks around the room then sets his book down, placing a hand on his cheek in mock surprise. 

“Oh, would you look at that? There’s nowhere to sit besides my lap.” 

He opens his arms invitingly and you can’t help but laugh. 

“Jason--” You start to say, not moving toward him, despite the tempting offer. 

“No,” He cuts you off. “You have been studying all day. You need to take a break and you’re going to take it now.” 

“My test is in an hour.” 

“Honestly, if you don’t know it by now, you’re not going to know it for the test,” Jason tells you bluntly. “You’re going to be fine. Please, just take a break,” He looks at you pleadingly. 

You glance back toward your laptop which you notice Jason had shut then sigh and walk over to Jason, letting him pull you down onto the couch with him. You land between his legs with his arms wrapped tightly around you. 

“You’re going to do great,” He promises. 

You snort. 

“It’s organic chemistry, “great” does not exist in its vocabulary.” 

“Shut up, it’s going to be great.” 

“I got a 66 on the last test,” You remind him. 

Jason pauses for a moment. 

“You’re going to pass,” He fixes, making you laugh. 

“There we go. That’s the realistic prediction I need to hear,” You grin, tucking your chin under his head. “I just want the semester to be over.” 

“Yeah, I know doll,” He kisses the top of your head. “But you can’t keep trying to do your classes like this.” 

“Yeah, I know,” You sigh, playing with his fingers. 

You two stay like that until it’s time for you to log on and take your test. And what do you know? Jason was right, you did pass. 

“Told you,” Jason grins, kissing your cheek as he looks over your shoulder at the screen. 

“Yeah, yeah,” You roll your eyes, closing your laptop. 

“I’m just saying that you should listen to me more,” He points out. 

“Oh really?” 

“Uh-huh, cause clearly, I’m a genius.” 

“A genius you say?” You turn your chair so you’re facing Jason. 

“Yep,” He grins, stepping between your legs while your arms go around his neck. “I could put Tim out of business.” 

“I’m sure,” You roll your eyes. “You’re very humble about it too.” 

“Oh of course,” Jason flips his hair dramatically. “Not only am I a genius, but I’m also smoking hot.” 

You start laughing, shaking your head. 

“You’re a dork,” You grin, kissing Jason. 

“Yeah, but I’m your dork,” He murmurs against your lips. 

“Damn right,” You grin. 

The quarantine sucks, but at least you have a good company. 

I had a test on Tuesday, can y’all tell? (I did pass) 

#Jason Todd #Red Hood #Jason Todd x reader #Red Hood x reader #jason todd headcanon #red hood headcanons #quaratine fic #dc #batman #request #organic chemistry sucks #based on true events #aka my struggle #i got the same style question wrong on the test so rip #but i passed!!!!! #can i have a jason who reminds me to eat cause this is what i do when i get stressed??

[fangirlshrewt97]

The Old Guard Fanfic - 5,472,730,538 Possibilities

Author(s): Fangirlshrewt97

Fandom: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)

Pairing: Joe/Nicky, Nicky & Nile

Characters: Nile Freeman, Nicolo di Genova, Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Andromache of Scythia 

Rating: General 

Warnings: None 

Additional Tags:  Team as Family, Family Bonding, Brother-Sister Relationships, Fluff, Basically Nile is missing home, And Nicky is a cinnamon roll who finds a way to lessen the ache, and they find a new thing to bond over that does not involve blood, Sudoku

Summary: 

He reached for his pocket and pulled out a pen, tossing it to Nile. “Why not do it now?” “It doesn’t- It’s not the same.” Nile argued, biting her lip. “But you want to do it no? So do it.” Nicky said, gesturing to the paper. Was it really so easy? She put the pen to the paper but stopped. “Yeah no, it feels weird to do it alone.” Nicky hummed, sitting back up in his chair, leaning on his elbows in the table. “I’ll do it with you then.”

Basically, Nile comes across something that makes her think of home, Nicky sees this, and tries his best to help her not feel as lonely. And is also a little bit of a shit about it.

Link to A03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25553461

                                                     ///

They were in Malaysia, having finished an easy takedown of a small ring of human traffickers. They were due to fly out that night, so Nicky and Nile had been charged with buying the necessary supplies while Joe handled clean up at the scene, and Andy ensured the children would find good homes.

They had stopped at a bakery inside of a mall, Nicky insisting that they had some choice sweets that Andy loved. So Nile had been waiting outside the store while Nicky went to make his purchases when the small bookstore window display across the bakery caught her eye. Biting her lip, she peered to see Nicky was still busy perusing the wares, so she hefted her bags and made her way into the bookstore.

It was a small shop, barely large enough for four people at a time. There was a small kid looking at some comics and a bored cashier scrolling through his phone. Setting her bags down, Nile reached to grab what had caught her eye.

“What is that?” Nicky asked suddenly, startling Nile into dropping the book.

“Shit. Sorry.” Nile mumbled in the direction of the annoyed looking cashier. When she turned, she saw Nicky holding the book.

“101 Sudoku puzzles?” Nicky asked, brows furrowed.

Nile was thankful her skin color meant he couldn’t notice the embarrassed flush overtaking her.

“It is stupid!” Nile said as she snatched the book and put it back on the display, wincing as she realized it would have been more believable if she hadn’t acted like she had something to hide. Nicky had a raised eyebrow, clearly not buying her lie.

Nile sighed. “Seriously, Nicky. It is nothing, can we go? Are you done looking at the bread?”

Nicky gave her a once over, but thankfully let it go, holding up a bag that honestly smelled incredible. Feeling her stomach clench in hunger, she nodded.

“Cool. Let’s go!” Nile said, leading them out of the bookshop into the sweltering Malaysian sun. She definitely did not run. She just… walked fast.

She forgot the incident soon after, Copley sent them on another mission hours after they reached their next safe house, sending them all the way to Brazil, where they had to take down a drug ring and free a brothel filled with women who were being forced to pay back their debts with their bodies.

She was reminded of the incident when something was placed next to her head where it was currently resting on a table’s edge at their São Paulo safe house. It was a small apartment, two bedroom and bathrooms, but it fit their needs. Andy was currently on the phone with Copley, and Joe had gone into the kitchen to make dinner.

When she looked up, she saw a newspaper, and Nicky’s hand covering part of the page. At her questioning look, he just smiled and moved his hand.

Sitting back slowly, she looked at the Sudoku in the newspaper. She raised her own eyebrows at Nicky. The man just smiled wider and sat down. “This is what you were looking at in the bookshop. In Malaysia. A book about these.”

“Um… yeah.” Nile said, surprised the man had remembered. But then again, Nicky seemed to remember everything when it came to stuff that caused his family to have any kind of reaction.

“What about it?” Nicky asked.

“What?”

“Your eyes, they became a little sad when you saw it. What about them makes you sad?” Nicky prodded gently. And Nile couldn’t bring herself to be annoyed at this man who was trying to hard.

She sighed. “It’s nothing.”

“If it was nothing, it wouldn’t make you sigh.”

And that was the thing wasn’t it. “It’s just. Jamal, my brother? We used to play with these.”

Nicky’s brows furrowed in confusion. For a 1000-year old man, he was remarkably expressive at times. “Play these?”

Nile hummed. She picked up the paper, and ran her fingers lightly on the puzzle. “After school, we would take the paper, copy out the puzzle into a notebook and then we would start the clock, seeing who could solve it faster.”

Nile felt a smile start to form on her own face at the thought. She had missed doing these, missed doing them with her brother. Her smile faded when she realized she’d never get to do their Sudoku races together again. Nile placed the paper back down.

When she looked up, Nicky was looking at her intensely. “What?”

Giving a big exhale, he leaned back in his own chair. He reached for his pocket and pulled out a pen, tossing it to Nile. “Why not do it now?”

“It doesn’t- It’s not the same.” Nile argued, biting her lip.

“But you want to do it no? So do it.” Nicky said, gesturing to the paper.

Was it really so easy? She put the pen to the paper but stopped. “Yeah no, it feels weird to do it alone.”

Nicky hummed, sitting back up in his chair, leaning on his elbows in the table. “I’ll do it with you then.”

Nile blinked, but twisted her mouth into a wry grin. “Sure. Ok, here is how you do it. You see how this divided into 9 boxes? The objective of the game is to fill all the boxes in such a way that each box, row, and column has 1 through 9 written on them, with no repeating in them. Like here for example,” she showed one box, “see these four 3’s? That means a 3 can only come here, because it is the only box where it won’t overlap. Got it?”

Nicky hummed concomitantly, his eyes amused. “Yes.”

“Alright, let’s do it then.” Nile said. She shifted her chair so she was next to Nicky, and the pair of them leaned over the puzzle to do it together, Nicky pointing out a few numbers as Nile finished it.

“That was fun.” Nicky said when they completed it. “We should do this again.”

And to Nile’s surprise, she found herself in agreement. She felt a pang of sadness at not doing it with Nicky, but it was still fun. “Yes we should.”

They got another job the next day and were whizzing off again, this time to South Africa. Their safe house in Cape Town was a beach front apartment, bought by Andy back in the 80’s. It was an old building, quiet and creaking, but served its purpose.

Andy was on cooking duty this time, and Nile was given first turn with the shower, when Joe and Nicky returned from their shopping trip for new clothes. Nile did not think she had ever bought this many clothes so quickly in her life, but honestly, she had also not had a habit of constantly getting shot and covering them in blood and bullet holes.

By the time Nile came out, Joe was sitting in front of the TV, flipping channels, probably trying to find a soccer match. Andy had a plate of food and was sitting beside him, more focused on her dinner than the match. When Nicky spotted Nile, he made a happy noise and gestured for her to join him at the dining table.

“I saw these on our way back, and thought that if you did not mind, we could continue that tradition you told me about?” he asked, eyes betraying his excitement, even as his voice remained steady.

“Tradition?” Nile asked.

Nicky nodded and reached for a small brown bag she hadn’t noticed. He pulled out two identical books and a packet of pens, and slid one of each to Nile. Nile bit her lip at the time. 400 Sudoku Puzzles.

“Nicky…” Nile whispered, even as she clutched the book in a white-knuckled grip.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to Nile.” Nicky assured her when he saw her tear up, worry coloring his expression.

And oh, Nile could not stand to see that concern when all this man had tried to do was give her a piece of home back to her.

“No. Thank you. I had fun last time.” she said, giving him a watery smile. He responded in kind. “Are you sure about races though?”

His eyes took on a wicked glint. “Absolutely. It is tradition no?”

Nile chuckled. “Yes.”

“Joe!” Nicky called out, and Joe turned to see him, getting up to come to them when Nicky beckoned. He pressed a quick kiss to Nicky’s hair when he was within reach. “I need you to time us.”

“Time you?”

“Nicky and I are going to complete Sudoku’s and we are going to see who can finish faster.”

For some reason that made Joe bark a laugh. “You and Nicky?”

Nile frowned. “Yes? Why, you have a problem?”

“No, no, dearest Nile, I would be honored to keep time.” he said as he continued to wear a wide grin, pulling up his phone.

Nile squinted at him before turning to Nicky. “Should we just do the first puzzle?”

“Seems logical.” Nicky said as he flipped to the appropriate page.

Both of them uncapped their pens and got ready before glancing at Joe. Andy had turned around in the sofa, watching the two of them instead of the TV.

“Are you ready?” Joe asked, and their nods, “1, 2, 3, GO!”

Nile focused on the puzzle, going by each square methodically, crossing off the possibilities mentally in her head. It was an easy puzzle, so she did not have to write down all the potential numbers. And yet, she was startled when Nicky slammed his book down with a “Done!” when she was only halfway through hers

“Wait what?” Nile asked, reaching to grab the older man’s book while Joe leaned back in his chair, laughing.

“1 minute 15 seconds Nicky! Good job!”

Nile gaped as she looked at the puzzled solved perfectly. She placed the book down and glared at the Italian man, who now at least had the wherewithal to look sheepish. “Explain.”

It wasn’t quite a growl but close enough.

Nicky blushed, and Joe answered for him. “Nile, uhkt sageera, Nicky and I have lived for a thousand years now. Not to mention that Nicky has been doing the New York Times crossword puzzle since it was first published, in what? 1940? 1945? He tended to do the other puzzles too. I believe the first Sudoku puzzle was in the UK? I remember him being excited about it.”

Nile stared at him, jaw open while Andy started to cackle in the background. She spun in her seat, half furious, half indignant. “You cheater!”

Nicky put up both hands in surrender. “I didn’t exactly cheat Nile!”

“I thought you had never done Sudokus before! I thought you were humoring me!”

“Well-”

“Oh my god, I explained how to solve a Sudoku to you in São Paulo, why didn’t you say anything?”

“You seemed very passionate…”

“Nicky…” she growled only to sit back heavily in her chair, definitely not pouting, no matter how fond Joe looked at her.

Nicky’s own sheepish look was slowly transforming into a playful grin and she rolled her eyes in exasperation before laughing. “Alright, fine, this was on me.”

“I had a lot of fun Nile. I would enjoy doing this again.”

Nile groaned, tilting her head back and covering her face, exaggerating the dramatics because it drew more laughs from her family, and she was coming to treasure these laughs as much as those of her mother and brother.

She sat back when the laughter died down, taking the Sudoku book in hand. “I would like that too Nicky. Guess there is another aspect of the tradition we are going to be repeating too now though.”

When Nicky looked at her confused, her wry look transformed into a fond grin. “I am fated to always lose at Sudoku races to my big brother apparently.”

“Nile…” Nicky breathed her voice as though it was something delicate. Precious. And then he got up and came around the table to pull her into a hug she returned with all her strength. “Non riesco a immaginare un onore più grande dell'essere tuo fratello, sorellina.”

Even if she didn’t understand the words, she understood the meaning, and a small part of the hole created by her family was filled in.

“I love you too, Nicky.”

And she did, this man who was willing to die for her, to kill to protect her.

Even if it meant an eternity losing Sudoku races to him.

#the old guard #the old guard fanfic #my fic #my writing #nicolo di genova #nile freeman #andromache the scythian #yusuf al kaysani #nicky x joe #joe x nicky #immortal husbands #crugayders #let me know what you think!

[kingsuckjin]

The Enigma of Bunny | Pt.4

Pairing: Jungkook, Taehyung, Yoongi, Jin x reader ft. Namjoon and Hobi

Genre: angst, fluff, mystery (later: horror) smut (soon) yandere

Warnings: (I’m so sorry Tae stans) hints and talk of noncon/dubcon, hints of sex, self hatred.

Synopsis: You find a very sick young man in an alley and out of the bottomless barrel of kindness that is your heart, you decide take him home. Only then do you realize this stranger doesn’t speak, but that’s not the only strange thing about him by far. Who is he? Where did he come from? What happened to him? And why can’t he remember anything or even speak?

Words: 3.6k+

Tag list: If you want to be added to the tag list just let me know @rikkafunthepureone @illnevertrustmyselfagain @sam-moss @minyoongi-infiresme @appreciatethefoolishness @sugajinny @loserjeonjk @savanna-1 @bulletproof-points

prev // next

——

“I need you to come in NOW. We need to talk about your obvious slacking.”

That message from your boss terrified you. It was true you were slacking at getting work done but you were busy helping Jungkook. Of course your dictator boss, Kim Taehyung, wouldn’t understand that, he only cared about himself, his company, and which Gucci suit he would wear that day. You were surprised he was letting you work from home at all but you did work more diligently at home and more hours of course and that made him money.

You had no idea what to do with Jungkook as you threw on your office best, a pencil skirt, heels and a nice dress shirt.

You dialed Yoongi’s number as you got dressed and you thanked god as he answered but he sounded tired. you spewed apologies and explained that you needed his help again asking him to come over and watch Jungkook for you. You knew if you had to leave him it would have to be here at the house with someone he liked and that’s what you told him.

Jungkook looked at your attire and his eyes followed you across the room  as you walked over to him and sat down next to him.

“Jungkook, I have to leave for a bit but-”

“Leave?!” He interrupted suddenly panicked.

“Yes, but not too long. Yoongi will be here with you.”

“I don’t come?” He asked.

“I’m sorry, you can’t.”

“Why?” It was his newest favorite word that you had heard countless times over the past few days.

“Because I have to go to work today.”

“Work? Why?”

“My boss probably wants to yell at me”

“Yell?! Yell at noona?! No! Did noona do bad?” He was now also concerned along with flipping his shit over you needing to leave.

“Yeah, kind of.”

“No! No yell at noona!” You had noticed when he got upset his speech got worse.

“Its okay.” You laid your hand on his larger, warm one for reassurance and it seemed to do the trick in calming him a few notches. “It won’t be too bad. I’ll be back before you know it. Be brave for me and be good while I’m gone, okay? Don’t get upset. I’ll be back.”

He had a pained look on his face but he nodded apprehensively but in understanding just as there was a knock at the door.

You threw open the door and Yoongi blinked at you before glancing at what you were wearing.

“Shit.” You swear he said.

“What?” You weren’t sure why he had said that, but you were sure he had.

“I- uh- meant to bring snacks… for Jungkook.” He said suddenly not wanting to look directly at you, choosing to look past you to Jungkook instead.

“Oh its fine, we have plenty, he eats so much so I’ve stocked up.” You said as you let him in.

“I don’t know when I’ll be back but-”

“Its fine.” He shrugged.

“Jungkook. I’ll be back. Please be good. If you are we can get you more art supplies, alright.” You promised him a reward in hopes he would keep a level head at least for that.

“Okay Noona.” He agreed but didn’t seem exactly alright with it. You had no choice but to grab your bag and go.

Before you knew it you were sitting in a chair in your boss’ office just across his desk from him.

Kim Taehyung radiated power in his well fitted dress pants and crisp white dress shirt. Although you couldn’t see his shoes, you knew they were Gucci and probably cost more than your rent. He said nothing for a moment as he leaned back in his chair with his dark hair perfectly glossy and parted. A dark eyebrow lifted at you. You felt incredibly intimidated by his silence and something told you that that was what he wanted.

When he simply just said nothing you decided to try to explain yourself.

“I-I-I’m so sorry I’ve been taking care of someone lately and-”

“I don’t care.” His reply was simple but sharp.

“I’m sorry sir.”

“I still don’t care.” He tapped his fingers on the arm of his very fancy office chair.

“What I care about is progress, because progress is money, and money is happiness despite what people say. You haven’t been making progress this week. I’m going to be honest, normally you impress me with how much you get done especially at home, that’s why I let you work from home, although, I do miss your pretty face wondering around the office.”

You were stunned by his boldness, but you’d be lying to say you didn’t expect it from him.

“As I said though, money is happiness because there’s not a problem it can’t solve. Car broken down? Buy a new one. Loved one need taken care of? Pay someone to do it. Depressed? Pay for a top notch therapist. Need love? Buy it. Now, it seems like you have a problem of some kind preventing me from making more money, and I’m not happy if I’m not making money. I guess that means if you’re not happy then neither am I… so how much would it take to add on to your pay every week for you to make us both happy?” He leaned in to his desk, bringing himself menacingly closer.

“What?” You replied not expecting this meeting to go this way at all.

“Shall we talk it over during a very nice dinner at six tonight?”

“I- I-”

“Alright. Still live at the same address in your employee information you listed?”

“Y-yes?”

“Good. I’ll pick you up at five forty. You may go.”

“I- uhh- thank you sir.” You sputtered as you stood but he began fiddling with papers and ignoring you like you weren’t even in the room anymore.

You walked home stunned and wondering what the heck just happened.

“Noona!” Jungkook was happy to see you when you walked back into your apartment to see him watching tv with Yoongi.

“How was he?” You immediately asked.

“Fine, a little on edge and kept asking if you were coming back yet, almost had a meltdown, but it was fine. It’s good for him to be away from you sometimes. So, are you in trouble? He said you were going to het yelled at.”

“Uhh no actually? I… I got a raise I think.” You still weren’t even completely sure what had happened in there.

“For what?” Yoongi seemed just as baffled as you

“For slacking off? I’m not really sure. The meeting was strange. I have to discuss the raise with him tonight at dinner, apparently hes coming to get me at five forty tonight and I have no say so in it.”

“Huh.” Yoongi said “listen, he might be your boss but don’t let him make you do things you don’t want to or aren’t comfortable with.”

“I’m comfortable with going, it’s for more money so-”

“That’s… not what I mean.”

“What do you mean then?” You clearly didn’t get it.

“Go to dinner, it’s fine just… I don’t know… just don’t let him make you uncomfortable or anything. I just- I know how you are now that I know you and… never mind, you’re smart.”

You blinked at him wondering if he would elaborate further, but he didn’t.

“Okay.” You replied “so you’ll watch him tonight?”

“Of course I will. We’re working on his speaking, right Jungkook?” Yoongi looked him and Jungkook nodded.

“Thank you so much Yoongi.” You felt so grateful for all his help that you couldn’t stop yourself from throwing your arms around him and locking him a tight hug.

He seemed a little stunned but he did bring his hands up to finally hug you back for a moment before you released him.

“You’re welcome.” He muttered “just make sure he knows it’s not a date, you know… unless…”

“No, no. It’s not going to be a date.” You said quickly with a laugh at the thought of dating that power hungry buffoon.

“Alright well I’ll see you both later tonight then.” With that Yoongi left.

“Noona, okay? Jungkook asked the moment you had closed the door.

“Of course.” You answered before sitting down beside him and taking a peek at what he was drawing.

You were shocked to see it was you. 

Every detail of your face was there on the paper but some how it looked so much better than you but you weren’t sure how.

Your mouth fell open and you looked at him.

He seemed kind of embarrassed as he tried to flip to a new page but you stopped him.

“That- that’s me!” You stated in awe.

“I- uh- I’m sorry.” He stuttered over his words as his face was going a bit red.

“No! Its amazing. Did you just draw my face from memory?” You were in utter awe but you were so flattered he would take the time to draw you and especially since he thought you looked like that

“Yes?”

“Its so good!” You smiled at him as you looked back down at the paper, scooting closer to him for a better look.

“You’re not…?” It seemed he couldn’t remember the word, but you did.

“I’m not upset, I’m delighted. You have so much talent. We have to get you more art supplies.” You reached up and patted his cheek tenderly.

“I- I missed you so… so I made you.” He explained looking like he was still hoping you weren’t mad and a little nervous.

“That’s sweet.” You grinned. You were glad he had found a way to cope with your absence in a creative way.

“You want? Not done… but you have?” He pointed to the page and offered it to you.

“You finish it first.” You urged and he nodded.

“So… so you leave again later?”

“Yes, I’m sorry, but Yoongi will be with you again if that’s alright. You like Yoongi, right?”

He nodded.

“But… not Jimin.”

You tilted your head at him. You had of course noticed this but you were now curious as to why.

“Why don’t you like Jimin?”

“Jimin is… he… looks…” he thought hard until let out a grunt of frustration at not being able to find the right words and you could tell this topic really bothered him.

“Hey, its okay.” You laid your hand on his arm as he brooded in frustration.

“Don’t like Jimin.” He muttered.

“That’s okay, I’m sure you have your reasons or you just don’t know him well enough yet. Either way, it’s okay.” You assured him before dropping it so he didn’t get anymore upset.

He relaxed as you made him some food and watched tv together for a while, he even laid his head on your shoulder for a while too and you let his soft deep colored hair tickle at your cheek as he did.

——

Your boss was right outside your apartment complex waiting for you at five forty on the dot.

Of course he drove a beautiful brand new sports car and of course he wore expensive looking clothes that were just a step more casual than his office attire. You wore a nice black dress that of course wasn’t Gucci.

The both of you didn’t really talk on the way there, you didn’t really know what to say to him anyway. The restaurant he took you to was as high class as you were expecting from him. It was all too much for your liking, but you were here for that raise not for the nice restaurant or your bosses company which was a good thing because he barely acknowledged your existence.

“So,” when he did finally speak he startled you with that deep, intimidating voice of his. Actually now that you thought about it, everything about him kind of reminded you of a super villain in real life form from his money to his posture to his presence.

He took a drink of wine and peered over the glass at you. “What would you do with a fifty percent raise?”

“I would…” as soon as you began to think about the hypothetical question, he spoke again.

“I was expecting you to be surprised and ecstatic, not tell me what you’d actually do with it.”

Of course.

Of course he actually meant it.

“Wait. You really plan on giving me a fifty percent raise? Why? I don’t deserve that- that’s- that’s a lot.” You were actually surprised.

“Depends.” He stared off towards the direction of the waiter.

“On?” you questioned.

“Would you like to keep me company for a few hours?” His question threw you off for a moment and confused you, you felt like he was speaking in riddles.

“But I just did, didn’t I?”

“Not this kind, sweetheart. Tell you what, you come with me to my house and we’ll see what comes of it and we’ll see whether you get your raise or not.” His smirk made you feel like the room had just gotten colder. It dissolved as he got the waitresses attention and asked for the check.

You got it.

Once it clicked in your brain, you were frozen.

You felt uncomfortable and Yoongi had told you not to let him make you uncomfortable, but what were you supposed to do?

Well, you could say no and leave.

“You could always say no.” He offered seeing you in shock. “But I wouldn’t if I were you.”

“Why?” You asked but you were afraid to know.

“Because you could be making more than any other person on the marketing team… maybe more than on anyone on any marketing team in the city. I could make you head of marketing, your job would require less work and you’d be getting paid so much you won’t know what to do with it. Or…” he stared you down now “you could not have a job. I could fire you right now for any reason I wanted, you could never work in marketing again once I put your name out there along with all of your inadequacies. Hope you didn’t go to school too long for it.”

You felt sick.

You knew he could do it. You knew he had the power to.

He was one of the highest earning men in the city and here he was threatening to ruin your career.

It made your skin crawl.

Did you need the money, no, but you did need a job and you had worked yourself to death at university to be what you are now. You had invested the last couple of years in Kim Taehyung’s company.

You swallowed down your nervousness and everything in your body telling you to just get out of there, that it didn’t matter… but it did matter.

“H- how many times?”

“Just once.” He said “but lets hope your fucking isn’t as terrible as your conversational skills.”

At least he wasn’t terrible looking, but the crawling feeling your gut paid that no mind anyway.

—–

You stopped right before your apartment door for a moment as you tried to compose yourself before unlocking it and going in as quietly as you could. You thought maybe you could just sneak into your own apartment.

You were surprised to see Jungkook still awake with Yoongi though.

“Hey guys. Thanks for keeping him company, Yoongi.” You tried to get out before Jungkook jumped up to hug you and squeeze you to death.

You hoped that he wouldn’t say anything about how late it was.

“He wouldn’t go to sleep until you-” Yoongi was cut off by Jungkook poking your neck and examining it. You clapped your hand over it and Yoongi’s eyes narrowed

“Can we talk?” Yoongi’s friendly tone had completely changed.

“Um… uh… no. I’m pretty tired.” You lied.

“Is there something else wrong?” You already knew he knew, he probably did upon you walking in so late.

“Umm…” You didn’t know what to say, you were just standing there holding everything in. Right now, you just needed him out, you needed his judging eyes off of you.

Yoongi suddenly took you by the arm and told Jungkook to stay in here while he dragged you off into the kitchen.

“Are you alright?” Was the first thing he asked.

“I- uh, yeah.” You did your best to sound casual.

“Why did you do it?” Was his next question.

“Do what?”

“I see the mark on your neck, I know, okay? I told you not to let him make you feel-”

“It’s fine, it’s fine okay?!” You were beginning to feel irritated because talking about it only made your skin crawl more.

“It’s not.” He crossed his arms and stayed calm with you.

“I don’t want to talk about it!” Your reply was quick.

“Which is a huge red flag! What did he threaten you with? I know you’re not like that.”

“You don’t! You don’t know what I’m actually like okay?!” You whisper yelled at him but he just rolled his feline like eyes.

“You can’t be serious. I know you wouldn’t fuck your boss! It’s obvious you wouldn’t! You always want to do the right thing and-”

“Shut up Yoongi! You still don’t know me and I said I didn’t want to talk about it! Just leave, okay?!” How many times did you have to tell him? You just didn’t want to talk about it and you wanted him to leave it at that.

“Whatever.” He replied and stormed off out of the kitchen.

You reentered the lounge just in time to see him whispering something to Jungkook and he gave Yoongi a nod in return.

“I said leave, Yoongi.” You stood  firm and he did as you asked this time.

“Noona?” Jungkook said after Yoongi slammed the door behind him and you locked it.

“I’m going to have a shower.” You said angrily, you couldn’t take any more questions or judgement. Would Jungkook judge you though? Could he?

You scrubbed your skin red and raw attempting to get the scent of your boss’s expensive cologne off your skin, but it was burned into your brain, you couldn’t stop smelling it and it disgusted you further.

It wasn’t that he was bad in bed or even cruel or anything like that, you just hated yourself for sleeping with your boss when you didn’t want to, you hated that he had made you do it, that you had felt so pressured to give your body to him. Now your body didn’t feel like your own.

You wordlessly headed to bed and the moment you laid down you had to work harder to fight off the tears.

You continued to fight it more and more but you just couldn’t sleep.

And then you couldn’t fight the tears or disgust with yourself any more and began sobbing into your pillow.

“Noona?” There were soft knocks at your bedroom door.

“Noona okay?”

“I’m fine Bunny.” You called back just to get him to stop worrying, but you clearly weren’t fine and it was obvious in your voice and there was no hiding it.

Your door squeaked open.

“Not fine.” Jungkook whispered as you sniffled and tried to get yourself to stop crying. “Yoongi said noona not fine, take care of noona.”

“I’m fine, Jungkook.” You sniffled again as tears continued to flow down your eyes relentlessly.

“How do I take care noona? Noona take care of Bunny and… I don’t know how to care noona.” His brows knitted together and you read the desperation and sympathy on his face.

You began to cry again and felt the side of your bed sink in.

“Jungkook, just-”

He was lifting you up to just look at you. He seemed confused like he had never seen a person cry before, surely he had in his dramas, right? Or maybe he was just lost as to what to do for you.

His eyes followed a tear rolling down your cheek and he lifed a sleeved hand and wiped at your wet face.

“Cry. Sad? Why is noona sad? Work yell?”

That’s it, he didn’t understand why you were sad, and you weren’t about to tell the poor sweet soul.

“No, no.” You shook your head.

“Then why?”

His voice was quiet and as smooth as always like a melody, only this time it held a tinge of sadness.

“I- I can’t really explain.”

“That’s okay, it’s alright.” He told you what you remembered telling him a few times before, he was reassuring you.

“I know, Bunny.” You sniffled once more.

“I don’t like noona sad. It… it…” he put a hand on his heart and squeezed it into a fist in a swift and powerful motion. You realized what he was trying to tell you.

Heart crushing.

He thought it was heart crushing that you were sad.

You looked into his big, pretty brown eyes and you began to cry again and you didn’t know why. Just looking at him made the sadness, the guilt even heavier.

He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you to his chest, he laid back taking you with him until you were laying directly on top of him, head on his chest with his arms wrapped around you. You willingly cried on him. It was an intimate position, it probably would’ve given you a heart attack had he done this at any other time, but you didn’t concentrate on that right now. It didn’t feel strange or foreign at all to you, it felt warm and comforting and safe. You thought about how it was the exact opposite with you boss not long ago. Jungkook helped to take the feelings away, to cancel them out with his warm breath on the top of your head and arms holding you.

“It’s okay, it’s okay noona. No more sad. It’s okay.” He whispered quietly to you. “Noona is good person, noona is kind, noona cares. It’s okay.”

Your brain flip-flopped at his reassurances, Maybe he did know.

He just kept whispering kind things to you, anything and everything he could say until your sobs quieted.

#jeon jungkook #jeon jungkook x reader #jungkook x reader #yandere jungkook #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #min yoongi #yoongi x reader #min yoongi x reader #yandere yoongi #yandere!yoongi #park jimin #park jimin x reader #jimin x reader #yandere jimin #kim taehyung #kim taehyung x reader #taehyung x reader #yandere taehyung #kim seokjin #kim seokjin x reader #jin x reader #yandere jin #jung hoseok #hoseok #kim namjoon #namjoon #bts smut #bts fluff #bts fanfic

[aam-loves]

I really don’t know how I managed to turn supposedly spooky event in a piece of Halloween fluff, but here it is with graphics for Tricks and Treats of Riverdale, Theme 3: Seasonal Celebrations 🙈 I hope you enjoy it🖤

Save us on Halloween

🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

It’s Sunday late afternoon, Betty is relaxing on her couch watching TV and combing her daughter’s hair. Rosie is 7 and she resembles her father too much. Red hair and freckles immediately show her relation to Archie Andrews. And who would have thought that Archie, with his golden heart, puppy brown eyes and all kind nature, turned out to be the biggest asshole. He abandoned his then yet unborn daughter pursuing career of a music star and following a raven haired heiress of Lodge empire. At least his father stayed by Betty’s side and Fred adored his granddaughter.

Since then Betty moved to a small but cozy apartment for not wanting to stay with her parents and worked in a Bookstore, again, to be further from her parents’ influence. She’s had enough of those and look where it got her.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Betty furrowed her brows and came to their door. On the other side stood her neighbor , Jughead Jones, holding his son’s hand.

“Betty, hi, save us, please”

———————————————————————

Sunday afternoon Jughead Jones is sitting frustrated at his kitchen table, his laptop in front of him and the rest of the table piled with essays to grade. Oh, he wishes he had an office, but he only could get a small apartment with the wage of an English teacher and being a single father. He turned his eyes to Ethan, his 7 year old son sat with colorful books. Well, at least here he took after father. Unlike Jughead, his eyes were brown and skin a bit darker. When Toni said she was pregnant, he was nervous, but excited. Despite being raised in a shitty family he always wanted one of his own. He and Toni were just hooking up from time to time, so her decision probably was expected, but it wasn’t welcomed. When Toni informed him that she didn’t plan to keep the baby and she thought she met someone to settle with, a girl, he begged to keep the child at least until birth. She gave them up pretty easy, not looking back or contacting them right after Jughead walked out of the hospital with his son. He changed busy New York for small quiet upstate town and gave up his editing job for being an English teacher at Riverdale High and writing his novel when he had time.

He loved fatherhood and thought he did pretty good job, at least he wasn’t an alcoholic trying to involve his son into gang like his own father. But the school Costume contest for Halloween caused him headache. He looked through Halloween costumes online and was shocked by its price, he certainly couldn’t afford it for a one time occasion. Then he started looking through ideas for Halloween costumes but they were either complete trash or too difficult to create for him. So he sat there at his kitchen table, a frustrated sigh escaped his mouth. It seems his last resort was to go asking for help from Ethan classmate’s mother, Betty Cooper.

———————————————————————

“What’s wrong?” Betty is instantly worried, at least they look healthy, so they are not injured or sick. “Come in, guys” she ushers them inside her apartment.

“Ethan!” Rosie yells, happy to see her friend.

“Ethan, why don’t you join Rosie and watch TV, while me and you dad solve the problem”

“Okay, great” Ethan smiles and sits besides Rosie on the couch.

Betty turns back to Jughead “So...”

“Yeah... uh... sorry, I came unannounced, but this costume contest drives me crazy” Jughead mumbles sheepishly.

“Costume contest....oh my god! I totally forgot!” Betty realizes.

“So you don’t have a costume too...?”

“Jesus, no! And where do I get one? They are so expensive!”

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Jughead agrees “and I searched for ideas for handmade costumes and they either look like crap or are too difficult create. I may be good with words, but crafting is not my theme”

“Well... crafting is not a bad idea, maybe we can make something work together?” Betty smiles and blushes a little. And Jughead smiles in response.

After a couple hours of brainstorming and looking through various diy tutorial they agree on Woody and Jessie from Toy story, Ethan and Rosie seem to be perfect for impersonating cartoon’s heroes. Then they hurry for some late shopping at dollar store and thrift shop. They returned to Betty’s apartment by dinner and decided to order pizza and have a sleepover for children. When Ethan and Rosie were tucked in bed Betty and Jughead started to work.

Jughead watched fascinated how Betty were sewing yellow lapels on a white shirt for Rosie’s costume. Her bottom lip between her teeth, brows slightly furrowed, concentrated on her work. He always thought she was an angel, beautiful, smart, she got his sarcastic humor, was a perfect mother and her cooking skills... mmmm that was something else. But he never tried anything, as much as he wanted it, she was too good for him and if no one from all the bachelors fighting for her attention caught her eye, he obviously could hope for nothing here. But at least he could look and be her friend, that was better than nothing.

They finished costumes by midnight, Betty walked Jughead to the door, he will come in the morning to pick Ethan and they will walk them to school together.

“Goodnight, Juggie” she hugged him and lingered a little longer.

“Night, Betts. See you in the morning” he leaned to kiss her cheek.

She wanted so desperately to turn her head and feel his soft lips on hers, but couldn’t find the courage once again.

Betty’s crush on Jughead started after about a week they knew each other. She admired him for such a brave decision to raise a child by himself, he was smart and so interesting to talk to. Always kind and attentive, and so, so handsome. Men shouldn’t be so handsome. She melted under his blue eyes and her hands always itches to tuck the lock of midnight hair constantly falling over his eyes. She liked to care about him and Ethan like about her own family, often inviting them for dinners, knowing that two men would probably live on burgers and takeout without her. But Archie leaving gave her so much self doubt that she didn’t dare to ask Jughead if he felt something more for her. Sometimes it seemed so, but he never made a move and she was afraid of getting her heart broken again.

———————————————————————

Rosie and Ethan didn’t win the contest, but they happy without that, going for trick or treat with their friends. They had sleepover at Betty’s again, children exhausted from a busy evening were sleeping soundly on Rosie’s room, while Betty and Jughead sat with almost finished pizza and beer in front of the tv. It was probably two beers that gave her courage to do something, or may be it was just the sight of him, dressed in all black, his shirt clinging to his lean defined body, Holy hell, English teachers shouldn’t be so good-looking and sexy, she couldn’t bear it anymore.

“Juggie, I think I forgot to show you my costume!” she blurts.

“Huh? Why didn’t you wear for trick or treat with children?”

“Oh... I... it wasn’t appropriate”

“What? Why?”

“I’ll just show you” she murmurs and retreats to her room.

Jughead is waiting for her on the couch, still a little confused, but when he sees her coming down the hall all the air escapes his lungs.

Betty is wearing a fucking cheerleader uniform and she looks damn good in it. The skirt probably didn’t look so short in her high school days, but her legs are stunning, so he doesn’t complain. She’s foregone the thermal and wears only a top, which sits tighter than on a teenage girl. The look complete with knee high socks has him speechless.

Betty is blushing and biting her lip. She is approaching him slowly and almost regrets her decision when she sees his shocked face.

“Oh crap, I spoiled everything, didn’t I? Shit, I shouldn’t have... I’m so sorry, Jug... I ...” she starts babbling nervously.

But then his hand is on her hip, his thumb rubbing slowly on a strip of bare skin above her skirt.

He clears his throat “wow...” and looks up in her eyes. And when she sees his irises blown with desire she can’t help but smile slyly.

“Mr. Jones, I think I skipped a little too much English lessons because of cheer practice, is there a way how I can make up for it?”

“I can think about couple of ways...” he plays along.

———————————————————————

“Mom, dad, let’s dress as Adams family this year!”

“Oh, Ethan, that’s a great idea” Jughead encourages his son.

“Mom, what do you say?” Ethan turns his eyes to Betty, it’s almost 3 years by now that Ethan calls her “mom”, he got used very fast as did Rosie with Jughead, but her heart still skips a bit and fills with warmth every time.

“Oh, honey, but Morticia has black hair”

“We’ll buy you a wig!” Rosie supports her brother

“Come on, Betts, that’ll look great, family costumes, we’ll crash them all” Jughead is excited as his children by now.

“But Morticia is so tiny and I’m fat, it’ll look hilarious” Betty pouts.

Jughead then envelopes her in a hug “Baby, you are not fat, you are pregnant, and I dare say you are the most beautiful pregnant woman in the world, and I also think that Morticia was pregnant once or twice herself, she got her children some way” he smirks.

“All right, you win guys” she rolls her eyes

“Halloween shopping!” Rosie and Ethan cry in unison.

#riverdaleevents #bughead #riverdale #betty cooper #jughead jones #betty x jughead #bughead fanfiction #betty cooper and jughead jones #fanfiction #halloween #bughead fic #halloween fluff #aaml graphics

[artificialqueens]

Mateo's Eight 1/8 (Branjie)--athena2

Summary: 

Con artist Vanessa Mateo has just been released from prison, and she’s planning one last heist to erase her debts and start a new life for herself.

But for this to succeed, she needs the help of the very person who ratted her out to the cops: her ex-girlfriend, Brooke Lynn Hytes.

(An Ocean’s Eight AU).

A/N: I’ve been planning this for a while, and I’m excited to start posting! You also don’t need to see the movie to read this. It follows the main points of the movie, but I did make some changes here and there. Thank you so, so much to Writ, for letting me throw this idea and all my plans for it at you, for always supporting this, and for beta-ing! I’ve never done a full-length movie adaptation like this before, so I would really appreciate any feedback you have!

—

The first thing Vanessa does when she gets out of prison is get a slice of pizza.

Standing on the sidewalk in the black shirt she’d been wearing six months ago, too thin now for the late-winter chill, Vanessa gratefully burns her mouth on the cheese and lets grease drip down her wrist. She never thought she’d miss grease so much. She gets another slice and eats it in a few bites, crunching on the crust as loud as she can, breathing in the oregano and oil like it’s oxygen as winter sun warms her shoulders.

She’s home. She’s free.

There’s enough money in the box of her just-returned things for a cab to her mother’s, where she’ll have to live now that going back to her old–their old–apartment isn’t an option. There’s a heart necklace in there too, but Vanessa doesn’t want to think about that. She shoves it in her pocket to sell later, because she might as well get some money out of the betrayal.

She knocks on the apartment door with still-greasy fingers, and the sight of her mother’s face, so much brighter without the Plexiglass barrier in between them, has her instantly sobbing in her mother’s arms. Vanessa hasn’t been able to touch her for six months, and finds her fingers moving down her mother’s skin, the same caramel color of her own, starting to wrinkle from stress more than age. Vanessa is hit with a surge of guilt that most of the stress is probably from her.

“I’ve missed you, Vanjie.” It’s her mother’s old nickname for her, and Vanessa breaks down further. It gives her some glimmer of hope that everything will be okay, despite the medical bills she knows are lying around somewhere. Those thin pieces of paper have been following them for a year now, weighing down on their shoulders like a ton of bricks.

“I’ve missed you too.”

It’s nice to just be Vanessa for a few minutes, to be her mother’s daughter, the girl who had Rihanna posters on her walls and acted out soap-opera storylines with her dolls and ran around the apartment dodging bedtime.

She lets her mother kiss her until her face is more sticky lip gloss than skin. A loud yipping sound rings out, and something furry launches itself at her legs. Vanessa steps back and scoops up her dog, Riley, his tongue slobbering all over her and tail wagging fast enough to take flight.

She’s home again. She’s normal again. Maybe she’s not returning home to anything exciting, but everything smells like the perfume her mom wears, and the couch cushions are broken in just right, and the walls are still a soothing cream color. It always felt like time stood still here when she was a kid, everything always the same, but now she appreciates the stability, the sense that nothing has changed even if she’s been missing from this world for six months.

Her mother heads to the store so they can have Vanessa’s favorite foods for dinner. Vanessa wants to go, wants to do something as normal as grocery shopping, but she walks outside and gasps, heart hammering.

She can’t do this. Everything seems too big after such a small cell. The massive gray-blue sky is large enough to swallow her up, the buildings like giants looming over her, the street as wide as the ocean. She resigns herself to the soft pink walls of her childhood bedroom. She resented this room as a child for being the size of a shoe-box, wanting the massive rooms kids always had on TV. She has never been more grateful for it than now, secure in its narrow walls. It’s like she can breathe again.

The room is incomplete, missing most of her clothes, her makeup stuff, the fluffy bathroom that usually hangs in her closet, the old silver jewelry box that was her mother’s. Those things were all in their apartment, the apartment Silky and A’keria were supposed to go to and get the stuff for her, because Vanessa knew as soon she was hauled into the cop car that she wasn’t going back to that apartment again.

She doesn’t want to do what she’s about to do, but she has to.

She plugs in her long-dead cell phone and calls Silky and A’keria, who barge through her apartment door 10 minutes later and sweep her into a suffocating group hug. Vanessa’s not surprised to see A’keria wiping her eyes after, and her body burns with love for her two best friends.

“You meet any hot lesbians like on Orange is the New Black?” Silky asks eagerly, and it’s just the thing to break the awkwardness of not knowing what to say, of the realization that Vanessa missed months of dinners and movies, that everyone’s lives moved on while hers was trapped in a cell.

“Not one,” Vanessa says around a laugh. “But this one guard was totally into me. I coulda won her over, I bet. Had a little reunion on the beach, Shawshank Redemption-style.”

“You got game even in prison,” A’keria says, smiling, and Vanessa is just grateful no one’s mentioning the person that landed her in prison.

“I miss anything good?” Vanessa asks.

“A’keria broke up with her bum-ass boyfriend,” Silky reports.

“Even threw his clothes out the window,” A’keria says.

“Damn.” Vanessa sighs.

“You didn’t miss much else, though. Oh, and I got your stuff at my place.” A’keria reassures her.

“Thanks.”

“It’s good to have you back, Vanj.” Her warm hand settles over Vanessa’s shoulder, and she’s not going to cry, she’s not–

“How’s it feel to be free again?” Silky asks.

“Good.” It’s all Vanessa can really manage, the fact that she can wake up and eat and even pee whenever she wants now something she’s still struggling to grasp. It only makes what she’s about to say even harder.

“I have something planned,” Vanessa begins, bracing herself for the reaction.

“Are you out your damn mind?” A’keria yells. “You’re on parole!”

“Say it louder, those people down the street missed it,” Vanessa bites out.

“Look, Van–” Silky says.

“No,” Vanessa cuts her off. “I need to do this. I spent six months on this. I know who the mark is gonna be, I know the people I need to scout and get involved, and I know this can work.” This plan is the only thing that got her through the past six months, working out the details and practicing the exact words needed to build her team while she choked down food that tasted like Styrofoam and wrecked her back on a sorry excuse for a bed. She needs to do this, because otherwise the past six months have really been a waste.

Vanessa plows on, laying down the words she knows will get them. “It’s even bigger than the last one. Money I need. Money you need. Enough to set us all for life.”

Silky crosses her arms and stays silent. It’s no secret Silky is constantly in danger of losing her teaching job with all the budget cuts the school faces. She’d taken up street scams and pickpocketing–skills she taught Vanessa–to pay off her student loans and buy supplies and snacks for her classroom, which have to come out of her own (or some unsuspecting person’s) pocket.

A’keria lowers the index finger she was about to wag in Vanessa’s face like some old schoolteacher, no doubt thinking of her home jewelry business that never took off, the dead-end jewelry store job that keeps her home with her overbearing mother and asshole stepfather. With the money Vanessa’s talking, A’keria can buy her own damn island.

“We’re listening,” Silky says finally.

Vanessa fights her grin as she runs through the basics, alive with the familiar buzz of laying down a plan, watching it come to life from her mind. She doesn’t mention the full price tag but tells them both all their financial problems will be solved in one night.

By the time she’s done, they’re both onboard, and the fun begins.

—

Vanessa has to take deep breaths, her nails digging into A’keria’s arm as they walk down the sidewalk to get her next member in.

“You good, V?” A’keria asks gently.

Vanessa just nods, because this breathless fear of being outside when it was all she dreamed of for six months isn’t something she expected, or knows how to deal with. All she can do is keep breathing, keep moving, keep focusing on her plan.

She’s chosen all the players carefully, people she knows herself or knows through others. They’re not all scammers, just people with enough to lose, who can be easily persuaded into her plan and can be trusted to carry out their end of the plan.

The storefront is outlined in red, flowy dresses in reds and pinks and golds filling the window, some brightness on this dreary street. A bell chimes as they open the door, welcoming them to Red Hot by Scarlet Envy.

Scarlet is perched behind the counter, twirling her bright red hair. Vanessa’s only met her once at a party, but she hasn’t changed, still happy with her up-and-coming celebrity design label despite the debt and shady loans she buried herself in to make it happen.

After a hug from Scarlet, Vanessa begins just as she planned. “How would you like to dress Plastique Tiara for the Met Ball?”

Scarlet’s eyes widen. “Are you kidding me? I’d love to! But she’s Plastique, and I’m, well…” she gestures to her small store with its water-damaged ceiling.

Vanessa smiles. “I can make it happen. I just need one small favor. One small favor for me, and you dress Plastique Tiara, you get a bigger store, and”–Vanessa lowers her voice– “all the money troubles you got yourself in are gone.”

Scarlet blinks, mouth falling open, not even bothering to deny Vanessa’s information.

“Okay,” she agrees.

Yvie takes mere seconds, despite being the only person Vanessa has no dirt on to coerce into it. She’s an old friend of Silky’s who does stuff with computers, so far beyond Vanessa’s basic social media stalking skills that she doesn’t even try to understand it. They meet at some internet cafe and Vanessa is only one sip into the overpriced coffee she missed so much when Yvie agrees, saying she’d love to stick it to the man and asking if there’ll be snacks at the meeting tomorrow. Vanessa makes a mental note to buy chips.

Nina is a little harder to convince. She has a nice house in the suburbs, working over-the-phone scams and hijacking deliveries from transport trucks–blenders, coffeemakers, designer suitcases, bikes, air hockey tables–that she keeps or sells for profit.

Aside from the scamming, she’s goodness personified, the last person you’d suspect of anything, perfect for what Vanessa needs from her.

“Well,” Nina says, “I could use a little excitement.”

Vanessa puts a check mark next to her name.

—

Vanessa scrapes her plate clean at dinner, her mother’s cooking the last thing that truly makes her at home, comforting and cozy like a warm blanket. The joy continues as she slides into bed, on a real mattress, ready to fall asleep with the hope of the freedom she’s getting herself, until she remembers the last name on her list. She doesn’t want to call this person. She can’t call this person, and instead she calls A’keria to see if there’s a way around it.

“Tell me the truth,” Vanessa begins. “Do I need to call her?”

“Who? You mean Br–”

“Don’t say her name to me,” Vanessa snaps.

“I know things didn’t end well with you two–”

“She ratted me out to the cops! I went to prison because of her!” The anger burns through her, fresh on the thought that she went to prison by not just anyone, but by someone she had slept with and kissed and even loved. Six months of itchy clothes and a freezing cell, of having to see her own mother through a screen, of feeling absolutely worthless, of missing family dinners and not seeing her friends, all because that bitch couldn’t keep her mouth shut.

“Hey,” A’keria says calmly. “I know that. I know. But you have to call her, Vanj. She’s your right-hand woman. We can’t pull this off without her. You know we can’t.”

A’keria is right, which only makes things worse. Vanessa needs to call her. No one can keep things organized like her, stick exactly to the schedule like a human clock. Vanessa can pretend all she wants that this plan will work as it stands, but she knows in her heart she needs to make that one last phone call.

—

Vanessa strides to the counter confidently, trying not to act like the coats in her arms are worth a whole month’s rent. Being calm is the key, like she buys coats with three zeros in the price tag all the time.

“Hello.” She keeps her voice soft and polite as she approaches the counter.

“Hi,” the cashier says. She’s around twenty and Vanessa has been watching for a few days to make sure she gets this specific cashier. One who’s new, but not new enough to need a manager.

“I’d like to return these.” Vanessa plunks the coats on the counter, rehearsing her answer for the next inevitable question.

“Do you have your receipt?”

“I don’t, but I never wore them. They still have the tags and everything.” She even grabs one and shows it to the cashier, who smiles sympathetically, having no idea Vanessa just grabbed it off the rack a few minutes ago.

“We really need a receipt to return them. Do you have an account with us? Or the credit card you bought them with?”

Now is the time. Vanessa has seen enough middle-aged white ladies with expired coupons in her own retail days to get this next part right. She purses her lips and straightens her posture. “I’ve been shopping here for years, this is ridiculous! I just bought these.” Just a touch of anger, not enough to attract attention.

“I’m sorry, ma’am. If you’d like to speak with customer service—“

Vanessa loosens her shoulders, putting a smile back on. “You know what, I’ll just keep them. Could I trouble you for a bag?”

Vanessa walks away from the counter with her coats neatly folded inside the bag, heart racing and giddy with joy. She did it. She can sell two and start working on her father’s medical bills, and maybe give the third to her mother; her worn coat can’t offer much warmth in this November chill. She’s so lost in her excitement that she doesn’t notice where she’s going and walks right into a wall.

“Shit.” She takes a step back. A very tall, very blonde, very green-eyed wall. “Oh, sorry, I…” she forgets every word in the English language, forgets even her own name, at the blonde’s shy smile.

“You were good. Really good,” the blonde says, and something in her reluctant tone suggests she doesn’t give compliments often, that this praise truly means something.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Vanessa tries to stay cool, even as the blonde’s flashing green eyes set her whole body on fire. She had only prepared for getting caught at the register, not by strange blonde women.

“A cashier who wouldn’t need a manager. Waiting towards the end of a shift, when no one gives a shit anymore,” the blonde continues. “Even the coats. Expensive, but not enough to have security tags on them.”

She’s caught. Caught on her first real con, aside from the street scams she’s done. Vanessa swallows hard, considering her chances of outrunning the blonde’s mile-long legs in their slim red pants. Damn, Vanessa really needs to stop staring at those legs if this lady is about to bust her…

“Hey, I’m not gonna rat you out,” the blonde says, like she’s reading her mind. “I’m just saying you’re good, and if you ever want a partner…” She pulls a piece of paper from her glittery silver blazer and scribbles something down.

Vanessa reads a phone number in tiny, neat handwriting.

“I’ll consider it,” Vanessa says, though she’ll probably have to sit on her hands to keep herself from calling the second she gets home.

The blonde smiles. “I’m Brooke.”

“Vanessa.”

—

Vanessa holds out as long as she can, until it’s nearing 1am, moonlight arcing through her window. It’s almost like she’s purposely sabotaging herself, waiting and waiting to lower the chance that someone will answer.

Her thumb hovers over the phone. The contact name is still in there as it was before prison, with a bright red heart emoji after it. Vanessa remembers deliberating over putting it there, finally deciding it was okay after their second date.

Aside from her mother’s cell and the really good Thai place down the street from her old apartment, it’s the only phone number she has memorized. She could probably dial it in her sleep. She used to double- and triple-text that number, sending pictures of dogs she saw on the street, selfies in bed with the comforter revealing just enough skin, rants about how slow everyone in front of her was walking, goofy pictures of herself trying on enormous sunglasses bigger than her head.

And the replies used to come just as fast, Vanessa’s heart leaping with each one, her fingers flying to the phone to see what texts she’d gotten back.

She presses the call button, breath caught in her throat, half hoping there won’t be an answer and half-hoping there will be.

All she gets is a robotic monotone telling her this number is no longer in service, and Vanessa releases her air, unsure if she’s relieved or not. She really doesn’t want to hear that voice, but she’s going to need to if she wants this to work. Should she try to Google her? Or maybe…

The burner phone.

They had both discussed business through those old Nokias. The odds that she still has hers, and still has the thing on, are slim to none. But Vanessa thinks of how hard it will be to find a job now, how hard it will be to start over after prison. She thinks of her mother working too hard in her hospital shifts, the medical bills still unpaid. She thinks of all the people she had promised this would be a success, all the debts that would be repaid, all the freedoms won. She has to try.

Her fingers move without thought over the phone, like just another day, and she almost drops the phone when it rings. The rings trill in her ear for what feels like hours, her heart racing. She’s about to hang up when the line clicks.

There’s a pause, a sharp intake of breath on the other line. Vanessa remembers those gasps of air, had pulled them out of soft lips as her hands tangled in that blonde hair…

“Who is this?”

The nerve. Vanessa’s fist clenches in anger. If it wasn’t a Nokia, she probably would’ve bent her phone in half. The nerve for that voice to be so soft and hesitant, when it had caused her half a year behind bars. The nerve of asking who it is when she knows damn well it can’t be anyone else.

“You know who this is, Brooke. We need to talk.”

#rpdr fanfiction #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #akeria davenport #silky nutmeg ganache #yvie oddly #scarlet envy #nina west #branjie #lesbian au #oceans 8 au #angst #hurt/comfort #mateos 8 #concrit welcome #submission

[luckdogpuppy]

Why I Hate Electronics

In the old days we had ms-dos and had to fiddle with config.sys and himem.sys spending endless hours and sleepless nights trying to get the computer to run a program. Computers have come a long way since windows 95 but using them certainly hasn’t gotten any easier. I remember wondering back then why they couldn’t make a computer that actually worked, that actually figured out how to make itself work and work with other programs and devices…after all, it is a computer, isn’t it? No, instead they just get more complicated and mystifying. Now its modems and routers and ethernets and wifi that drive me crazy, and trying to cope with constant buffering when I try to watch Netflix. Who the hell can remember which remote to use to access the right button? And when you do find the right remote to access your tv who can figure out how to get to whatever it is you need to fix? And how many fucking passwords can a person remember? And passwords have to be more complicated every year. I can barely use my phone, flipping from one screen to another with my finger. It seems the only way to get out of certain screens is to shut your phone off and restart it. And nobody tells you this stuff…you have to figure it out on your own. Ever read the Microsoft manual? Who does? Just looking at the pages makes me scream. And even when you go to Youtube they go so fast you have to pause it every two seconds to write that shit down. I have endless sheets of paper in a drawer filled with step-by-step instructions on how to do computer problems. Why? Why can’t computers do these things by themselves? The last time I lost my internet connection I got all excited when I discovered this thing on my computer that told me it would run a diagnostic of my system and troubleshoot it. Wow, that sounded great. When I went there and ran it it said “you have lost your internet connection.”  

They say that computers can do everything, but they still haven’t given us a computer that can fix itself or even do something as simple as letting us plug it into a router without having to go through an eleven step process to get the damn thing to work. What pisses me off is that I know they could do this. I can’t even get my two wifi extenders to work. By some miracle I did get them to work for a while but one day they both just shut off and I haven’t been able to get them running since. I can’t get past the step where I’m asked for a password. It says I’m supposed to use the one on the back of the router. Well, what it says on the back of the router is “password: (leave the field blank)”. Except when I am asked for the password it won’t let me leave the field blank. Instead it says “your password is not long enough.” Then I’m told to go to my wifi icon on my taskbar to find out what the password is. But I don’t have a wifi icon on my taskbar. So I go online and find that there are pages on how to find and/or replace the wifi icon on my taskbar, and after going through all five of the different methods of finding and replacing that icon on the taskbar without success I learn that there is no way I’m gonna get that icon to appear on the taskbar because the Windows 10 system that came with my computer doesn’t come with a wifi icon on the taskbar; Microsoft removed that file in the latest version of Windows 10. I learn that I have to buy Windows 10 Pro to get that stupid wifi icon. Are you shitting me?

I finally did find an obscure site that explained a convoluted way to find out what your router and extender passwords were. You have to start with your command prompt to get there…but that didn’t help…surprise, those passwords there didn’t work either. And don’t even ask me how to go back there and look at those passwords again. It took me an hour to figure out how to get to my command prompt from my start menu. Hint: don’t left click like you’re used to doing. When you left click on the Start menu you are presented with a long and very impressive list of places to go, all in alphabetical order, and you would think that the “Command” prompt would be there under the “c” column. But no, there is nothing that says “Command Prompt”. No, you have to right click instead. You’ll find another list of places to go there. But even then there is nothing that says “Command Prompt.” You have to click on “run” for the command prompt to come up. There is a lot of shit you can do through the command prompt but nobody is going to tell you what the secret codes are that will allow you to do those things. It used to be easy to get to the command prompt. All you had to do was click on the “Start” button. But now they’ve decided to make this an hour-long quest to find it. I have all this shit written down on endless sheets of paper in that drawer. Truth be told this electronic world makes me tear my hair out. I hate it with a passion. What pisses me off even more is that I also love it…when it’s working.

I can’t even get my computer to recognize my own email address. I bought a new Dell desktop three years ago and still get a daily message saying that I need to fix a problem with my Microsoft account. So I periodically go through the process and change my password but no matter what I do I still get that stupid message. I even had Microsoft tech reps guide me through the process three times now yet I still get that same old message. And every time I try to access my Microsoft account I’m told “that email address is already used by a different account.” I deleted all my accounts and started over but the message still comes up…the problem remains. I’ve explained all this to those tech reps but nothing keeps that message from coming up. I even signed up for a different email address but that didn’t fix the problem either and now I have an extra “Outlook” email address that I never use and wouldn’t know where it is if I did want to use it. I think the problem started when I bought a new Dell laptop. I had to sign up for a Microsoft account then. But I didn’t care for the laptop and sent it back two days later and ordered the desktop…and now Microsoft still thinks that whoever owns that laptop has the rights to my email address and not me. I explained all this to those Microsoft tech reps but that didn’t solve anything either. Yeah, this stuff bothers me. I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t like loose ends. I like things to be neat and tidy and feel like everything is in its place. But this computer stuff feels all scattered and disconnected and just fucked up. I know it’s working on my mind even when I’m not struggling with it.

In order to fix my Netflix buffering problem (and my wife’s need to have internet access for her work-at-home job) I bought a new router. I’ve had the same old cheap router for 6 years so I figure its time for a new one. I did just buy a 40 ft ethernet cable that I plugged into the back of the router and ran it along the ceiling down the hall and into the back of the tv in the living room, but we’re still having problems with “Home not available” still coming up at times. I actually bought a new router last year; an Archer A7. But I was never able to get it to work so I had to send it back, thinking it must have been defective. I realize now that it probably worked just fine and that the problem was me…that I couldn’t figure out how to get it to work. Then I had a helluva time trying to get the old one up and running again. Did you ever feel that your brain was on fire and ready to burst? That was how I felt after struggling with those two routers for 3 days. So my new router came last week and it turns out it’s the same model; the same one I tried to set up and sent back last year. I thought it was a different one because it was called a Tp-link, but its actually an Archer A7 too. On the box it says it’s a AC 1900 and on the instruction sheet it also says it’s a MU-MIMO Wi-Fi Router, so just figuring out what these things are called is a science in itself. So now I’m frightened to death to even try to set it up. The first thing the instructions say is “if this” and “if that”…as if I know the answers to these ifs. There is also a long list of FAQs in case you have problems and need help. That scares the shit out of me, too, cause I know I’m gonna need help…and lots of it. Then it gives me three different methods of setting the thing up, all of them quite convoluted and requiring me to access various internet sites, SSIDs and wireless passwords. Then I have to go to a number url: 192.188.1.1 and I remember that this is where I had to go to get my extenders to work but I was never able to get those urls to come up. Then I found out that they only come up if you use Google Chrome, and of course there is nothing in the instructions that tells you you can only use Google Chrome. No, you have to find that out on your own too. So now I have to change my browser and come up with another password so I can access Google Chrome. I am so afraid that I will not be able to complete these steps correctly and that I will then have to struggle another two days to get my old router to work again that the new router is still sitting on a shelf two weeks later. I’m thinking that I should go to Best Buy and have the Geek Squad come and set up my router but I know I’ll have to listen to them explain their convoluted tech plan that will ask me to decide whether to get a one visit deal or buy a year subscription…and I know one visit will not fix all my loose ends. And it makes me wonder if that is the reason why computers intentionally aren’t made to fix things.  

Oh, by the way, I’m sitting here writing all this down with my Microsoft Word, and now I find that I am unable to save what I’ve written because I don’t have a subscription to Word any more. I guess my free time is over. God, don’t you love it? You can’t even buy a computer with a simple word processor in it without having to pay a yearly fee to use it. Next thing you know somebody will figure out how to put a chip under your skin that measures how many breaths you take so they can charge you for the air you breathe.  

Dear Lord, if reincarnation is real please let me go to a world that is either before computers or way beyond computers. Or better yet, where computers and routers and extenders actually use a computer so they can work together.      

[abcsofadhd]

On being diagnosed with ADHD in midlife

@campfiresbeerandcoffee got diagnosed with ADHD in their early 50s and I asked them to share their story. 

It’s kinda long but its a damn interesting read about a person’s experience with ADHD and a late diagnosis. It’s VERY well written and I’ve only spaced it out and bolded it for better readability.

Remember, it’s really NEVER too late to get a diagnosis.

I’ve known people with ADHD most of my life. I knew what it was, obviously. It was that boy who was socially inappropriate and weird, the one who got angry too fast, who touched oddly, who couldn’t sit still. 

It was the squirrel brained women I knew, that changed jobs, were super smart, had multiple competencies and could instantly grasp systems, but had so much drive they were always up, always working, always learning. It wasn’t ME.

It didn’t even occur to me that I had ADHD. I wasn’t a problem. I sat quietly in class, lost in my own thoughts, doodling. I could focus for hours on books, on coding, on the grains of sand on a sunny beach. I certainly didn’t have an attention disorder. 

My dad died in my 2nd year of uni. I didn’t do well. Well meaning counselors said I was high strung and should avoid all sugar and stimulants. Are you kidding? Caffeine kept me sane. Eventually I changed majors, and managed to graduate with a BA.

I even managed to get into grad school, and did entrepreneur things too. But eventually I crumbled again and didn’t finish my thesis. I had anger issues. I was high then low. I would rage and weep. I’d spend weeks in apathy, when I had everything I wanted: a business, a wife, wonderful family. But it was a long dark bleak tunnel every day.

Then I heard a radio show on chronic depression and recognized my symptoms. Got some help and medication, and managed to co-found a company.  The anti-depression meds helped, settling on Wellbutrin eventually. But things were still hard.

I got a straight job to help my wife start her career. I worked in an office, coding and structuring information systems. Prestige, recognition, it was great for my ego, good benefits and fair pay. 

10 years in this high performance position I crashed from accumulated stress when my mom died. I was prepared with Wellbutrin and counselling and even so I burned out with major depression and anxiety and ptsd symptoms.  

Took 3 years off work before I dared to take a job with minimal responsibility. In that time I had full on major ADHD symptoms but didn’t recognize them. I couldn’t say what I did all day. 

I couldn’t make a list, couldn’t go in the store. Couldn’t read. Couldn't feed myself. Couldn’t clean. Couldn’t listen. Just- floated in a fog of stress and anxiety. Developed skin issues, auto-immune issues, insomnia, eye twitches. Couldn’t even sit at a computer screen. I was completely useless. Couldn’t leave the house.

Eventually tho, as I worked through what I thought was PTSD, learning to accept the new broken me, I was able to watch a full 20 minute sitcom. Success! I was elated. Who could I tell? Who would celebrate that as an achievement? Yay, you watched TV? Pffft. 

But I was thrilled. And I could go to the store. Maybe even buy a few things. Often I’d just sit in the parking lot. But increasingly I could do some things around the house. Walk the dogs. Buy milk. So I accepted when opportunity offered me a lower-stress job related to my interests.

At my new job, I learned to make eye contact again, slowly re-learned to do simple math again. Cashing out would take me over an hour. I tried so hard to remember names and orders. Failed miserably. Tried to accept the new no-brain me. Found comfort in routine tasks. Developed coping strategies for memory. Accepted that maybe my purpose was to be a heart not a brain. My whole self-worth was always being the smart expert. Now I was busted. But that was ok, because it had to be! 

Medicated with prescription cannabis and started seeing big improvements in depressive symptoms. That led to being able to exercise. Exercise helped immensely. So I was bringing in a bit of money, I was leaving the house and interacting, and felt much better.

Met a co-worker who told me about her ADHD. I understood completely. Had my first “a-ha!” moment when someone asked me how was it that  I understood her. Oh. OH! Other people don’t understand her, and I do. Why?

But, I couldn’t be ADHD, surely? My coworker was classic ADHD in the way I then understood it. Changing topics all over in conversation, but I’d follow right along? We’d chat for hours after work. I grew to admire her strategies for getting things done, her tenacity, her acceptance that she could do things differently. 

And as I admired her force-of-nature engagement with the world, her acceptance of herself, I started to be open to the idea that there was more to ADHD than I thought. I really didn’t think I was ADHD, but how was it I could understand and keep up with her? And when I asked her about it, she looked at me like of course I probably had ADHD, and she thought I already knew?

So after working with her for 2 years I started to read about ADHD, because I was experiencing a little less stress and could focus to read again. But I hadn’t found out yet about the emotional dysregulation. I just knew I was functioning again, kinda. And so I embraced the feelings. I chased them, like an addict, seeking to feel good again.  

And boy did it feel good to let myself feel. I’d learned to build a box around my emotions, because I was always too sensitive, too happy, too sad, too worried. At my coding job, I just lost myself in matrices and code and denied my emotions.  My coworkers had affectionately called me Mr. Roboto. That hurt. But that was the old me. Now, I was going to LIVE and FEEL HAPPY, and it was great. I was elated. 

I partied and made new friends and drank too much and got stoned too much and talked too much and in my exploration  I left such wreckage around me. I was oblivious at first. But when I saw what I’d done, I was in torment. If I couldn’t be a brain, and I couldn’t be a heart, then what good was I? I desperately wanted to be ordinary, but I didn’t know how, and I was going to lose everything.

And then as I tried to get a handle on my behavior, some ADHD memes popped up on social media, and then they popped up with a funny story and I related. And again. And again. And I couldn’t ignore it anymore.

Your blog specifically woke me up to the emotional dysregulation aspect, and following that thread of research made my likely ADHD undeniable. So I did the predictable thing and denied it for another year.

Finally I went in for assessment because if I had it, I couldn’t let my kids go untested and if I was going to ask them to try, I had to start with me. Doc didn’t even blink. Basically said, of course you have ADHD. 

This has been everyone’s reaction, when I share my diagnosis with my friends: “Are you really surprised, really?” Yes, dammit, I am! It’s surprising and hard to hear, yes, you are in fact broken. But it’s also freeing. I can stop beating myself up.  I can get appropriate help. I can try meds.

I am terrified of stimulants, because I’m super sensitive to caffeine, and even Wellbutrin was unsustainable for me, causing too much jitters. But I’m taking my Vyvanse and being hopeful. If it doesn’t work out, there is a non stimulant option.

 I know meds won’t solve everything. I know that I have so many of the strategies already, I recognize them in the ADHD forums, and books. But maybe meds will leave me enough energy to address things. Maybe I’ll be able to Get Things Done.

This medicated hopeful happiness does feel a bit like mania, I’ve learned to be distrustful of my happiness. But if it’s going to be helpful, I’m going to try it.  It’s early days.

I’m reading Gina Petra’s Is It You, Me, or Adult ADD? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder. And it’s wrenching. I knew my latest crisis was hard on my family, but I didn’t realize it’s been the whole marriage, it’s been my whole life, school, college, career, midlife! It’s enlightening but hard to read testimonials from people living with untreated ADHD partners, and recognize myself in their stories. I had no idea of the extent ADHD was contributing to my personality and behavior.

My wife and kids deserve to be off the rollercoaster. I also deserve to be happy. I want to look forward to each day again instead of waking up knowing I’m going to fuck up again.

So it’s not a comfortable place to be, here in the spotlight. But it sure as hell beats being in the dark and blindly flinging myself in a new direction. It’s revealing. It means taking personal responsibility. 

But it also means hope. Hope that it can be better. Hope I can stop hurting the people I love. Hope I can be the person I want to be, the person I’ve been on occasion. It means hope for sustainable stable relationships and jobs. 

#adhd #actually adhd #adhd tag #abcs of adhd #diagnosis story #adhd story

[brightly-painted-canvas]

Hi! I've noticed you wrote rami and joe being roommates in one italian joe fic and i love the idea!!!! Do you mind sharing maybe more hcs?

Hi! Sorry for being so late >.(since I couldn’t finish today and tomorrow’s entries for the Sledgefu week, I figured I could at least reply to your request that was sitting for some time in my ask box)(it still took some time to write ‘cause I tend to get a lot invested in these things… hope you don’t mind!)

It all starts because Rami has to move to NYC to film Mr Robot and the flat he had decided to rent for the first months in the city is suddenly no more available (for an unlucky coincidence of bad maintenance from the previous owners, delay on reparation works from the current owner and Rami’s lack of time to get directly involved in these matters) and he has to ask to his New Yorker friends for a place to crash, promising it would be only for the time it takes for his flat to get fixed

of course Joe is the first friend to reply and the most enthusiastic one because he’s like that and he’s always there to lend a hand

of course (2) Rami’s own flat’s works get delayed over and over again and at the end he’s finishing shooting S1 of Mr Robot and he’s still living with Joe (and loving the shit out of their shared routine)

since the first week of their cohabitation, Joe has Rami saved under ‘Roomie Malek’ on his phone (and finds it hilarious, thank you very much)

he steals Rami’s phone at some point and saves himself as ‘Joe Roommazello’ (also hilarious, he’s born to make great puns)

Rami never changes that for some reason (reasons different than his inability with technology I know how to make my phone work Joe fuck right off)

problems with Rami’s real inability with technology start manifesting when Joe, who at that moment is a 30 years old single and ready to mingle boi, realises it’s impossible to successfully end a date with Rami as a roommate, since he doesn’t check his phone EVER and he always misses Joe’s texts about needing the house for himself until at least 11 pm

the times Rami walks in to Joe and a gal/bloke making out on the couch reaches uncountable amounts very fast

Joe is very uncomfortable and Rami is always apologetic but he simply seems unable to solve these recurrent awkward situations by checking and maybe replying to Joe’s desperate texts and phone calls

Joe tries to find a remedy by buying a large whiteboard he hangs on the kitchen’s wall. He divides it in seven sections for the seven days of the week and then instruct Rami to use a red marker while he uses a blue one

the whiteboard is to keep tracks of their schedules so that everyday they know what they have to do and at what hour they should be expected home without having to call the other’s manager

it starts off pretty well but then it becomes so convenient that they begin to leave messages on each other’s daily space, written in their marker colour but in opposite handwritings (‘remember to buy milk’ ‘I’m lactose intolerant’ ‘from Rami to Rami: remember to buy milk’ - underlined - ‘from Joe to Joe: remember to buy regular milk for Rami and soy milk for you’ ‘trip to LA in one week’ ‘I’m gonna miss you’ ‘you’re coming with me’ ‘oh right I forgot’ ‘this is what the board’s for’, etc.)

(a third marker is added to the board. It’s green and it means things they do together)

(it’s still impossible to prevent Rami to catch Joe in compromising positions with his dates because even writing ‘DATE NIGHT’ - underlined - on the board doesn’t mean Rami’s sleepy and tired mind after a full day on set is going to remember that he needs to give Joe his private time at home before he can have dinner, take a shower and fall into bed)

(trying to have sex while Rami’s eating cereal in the kitchen is an absolutely miserable experience, Joe finds out)

Joe stops dating altogether at some points. It saves him the stress to try and find a date and getting ready and spending lots of money for nothing. Moreover, his evenings are already plenty of fun with his and Rami’s late dinners and movie nights and script readings and scene rehearsing and lazy cuddles on the couch

cuddles are a must in their house, by the way. It’s written in their Roommates Contract which they never actually redacted but they quote from all the time since they rewatched S1 of TBBT together (‘before the show turned to shit’ ‘please don’t say that in public’). They’re both very tactile, affectionate men and they really really don’t care about any toxic masculinity crap, especially in the privacy of their own home

they mostly cuddle in the evening on the couch under a blanket (watching old movies they both love like ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ which is Joe’s favourite and always makes him cry a bit at the end) or on Joe’s bed when Rami comes home very late from set and really needs a hug before going to bed. Joe is always willing to hug someone in distress, even if that requires being woken up at 2 am with a armful of yawning Rami Malek complaining about skipping dinner and feeling NY’s freezing winter weather into his very bones

(Joe hugs him closes and then gets up to make him a ham sandwich while Rami takes a boiling hot shower)

Rami doesn’t date. There are multiple reasons why, but mostly it’s because he’s too busy with filming his first leading role in a tv show and because he’s not one for one night stands so he prefers skipping the dating process altogether while he’s too into his job to really make an effort

plus, Joe’s enough of a reassuring, calming presence in his life at the moment. He’s someone Rami can trust wholeheartedly, from that time he calls him from set panicking about forgetting to turn off the stove that morning (to which Joe has to run home and check if that is true and their apartment is on fire - it isn’t -) to that other time he fell sick with the flu and Joe cancelled his plans to take care of him and make sure he didn’t die of dehydration and lack of medications

Joe is also someone who makes Rami laugh and smile and be happy and he does so all the time, effortlessly. It is probably the characteristic that Rami loves the most about Joe, together with his intelligence and his good manners and his profound respect of others

(basically, everything about Joe is nice in Rami’s eyes)

(and it seems everything about Rami is nice in Joe’s eyes too)

because Rami is also enough for Joe. He’s there for the whole writing process of Joe’s directing debut ‘Undrafted’ and when Joe needs help rehearsing or proof reading a scene, he’s willing to sacrifice all his free time to lend a hand. Rami’s presence in Joe’s home is comforting to the point he find it difficult to fall asleep or remembering things like doing the laundry or going grocery shopping when Rami’s back in LA or somewhere promoting Mr Robot because what’s the point?

(Joe doesn’t like to do things alone anymore)

Rami makes Joe feel safe and grounded. Joe has always been a bit of an anxiety-prone person, always fretting about this or that but at the same time incredibly inclined to fall into profound boredom during lulls in activity between jobs. Rami’s presence somehow prevents him to get too caught up in his own mind during busy times and too lazy to function as a regular human being when he’s got nothing to do

it somehow reminds him of when they first met, on the set of The Pacific: Rami had been an anchor for him at that time too, the ‘one who makes it great’ with his hard work and grace under pressure and willingness to always strive for more, better, best. Their great connection and synergy had started back then and never left. This knowledge makes Joe sad sometimes, thinking about all those years in between when they hadn’t been as close, hadn’t kept in touch enough

sometimes they call Martin just to bother him at odd hours (mostly when it’s already late at night in Ireland) and they always invite him to the US to spend some time together, even if they’re all very busy with their works. Some other time they arrange nights out with Noel and Brendan and all those other The Pacific kids they’re still in contact with because they still get along like brothers and New York is the place where all their roads cross at some point or another

members of their families come to visit and arranging sleeping accommodations when the Maleks are over is the most complicated task: they have two bedrooms with queen size beds and a couch that can accomodate one more person, but they always refuse to let Nelly sleep on it and both offer their own bed to Rami’s mom

after hours of offerings and complaints (Italian hospitality having a fitful match with Egyptian proper manners… the Mediterraneans are all stubborn and prideful in their own ways of being good people), she accepts to sleep in Rami’s bed while the twins take Joe’s bed and Joe creates a nest for himself on the couch

(Nelly wakes up early one morning during their stay to find the couch empty and her three boys all asleep on Joe’s bed with Joe’s laptop still open showing its screensaver and Sami curled up against Rami’s back as Rami’s head is on Joe’s shoulder and Joe’s right arm is under Rami’s waist)

(she closes the door quietly and prepare breakfast for the four of them and doesn’t say a thing when they all emerge sleepy and messy from Joe’s bedroom, but she smiles knowingly at Sami when he catches her eyes as they witness Joe and Rami’s perfect coordination in serving each other toasts and coffee with the right amount of milk and sugar without having to say one single word)

when Yasmine comes to visit, she usually stays in a hotel with her fiancée/husband so they only have to worry about dinner and entertainment

when Joe’s sister comes to visit with her family, Rami gets so excited to see Joe’s nephews that he can’t fall asleep the night prior. He loves chatting with Mary and her husband but the kids are an absolute joy to have around: they play board games and watch movies and one time they all go ice skating together and Rami almost tears up when the youngest calls him (albeit accidentally) ‘uncle’ for the first time

soon (too soon) Mr Robot S1 is over and Undrafted is ready to go into production and while they’re very excited for their new projects, they feel like they’re slowly drifting apart and they don’t like it one bit

Rami is conflicted about moving back to LA for the months he has before S2 starts filming and taking his stuff with him to finally free Joe of his presence. He’s got enough time to look for a new place to stay on his own while he’s back living with Sami, but somehow he doesn’t want to proceed with this plan

Joe’s rarely at home enough to sit down and have a serious conversation about it, but at the same time Rami doesn’t think this is a topic they can discuss over the phone so he delays his flight and he delays having to think about it until

one evening Joe comes home tired and stressed out and crushed by the amount of pressure he’s under to make this movie (HIS movie) work

Rami is there to comfort him and force him to eat dinner and have a shower and going to bed and when Joe breaks down crying in his arms sobbing about not being good enough it takes Rami 0.01 seconds to decide to cancel his flight and stop worrying about what’s right and what’s proper because he’s needed HERE RIGHT NOW and he has to stay but most of all he WANTS to stay

he’s never gonna be perfectly sure he’s the right person to do this for Joe, if Joe needs him because he is conveniently already there in his life or if he’s there because he has been good all along (chosen maybe), because they made it work and it’s working perfectly, because somehow they’ve become exactly what the other needs for it to be right

he’s never gonna be sure but they don’t really have to talk about it either because they both wants this and they’re ready to make an effort to make it right and keep it being right

(Rami thinks Joe makes him a better person because he is inherently a good person. Joe thinks Rami makes him a better person because he is inherently a good person)

soon (2) it’s time for Mr Robot S2 and Rami never really went away in the meanwhile, but that’s okay. Joe is editing Undrafted and it’s maybe not going to be the best film ever made but it’s good and Joe likes it (and Rami likes it a lot) and that’s okay. They’re still living together and their families still love coming to visit them and their whiteboard is still full of things to do written in green and that’s okay. Rami stops looking for flats to rent or buy in NYC and that’s absolutely okay

they celebrate one year of being roommates with dinner in a fancy restaurant downtown (Rami’s choice) and a walk in the park and when they get home they watch Netflix on Joe’s bed and Joe says ‘if I’d known the only way for you not to ruin a date night was having a date night with you, I’d asked you out sooner’ and Rami laughs until there are tears in the corner of his eyes

they are (more than) okay.

#anon ask #hc request #mazlek #rami malek #joe mazzello #I don't even know if half of these reference are true (especially about their families) #but I don't want to look into it 'cause it's their private life :) #roommates #rommates mazlek

[randombtsprincessa]

Aberrations || 1

Author: Randombtsprincessa

Characters: Min Yoongi x Reader

Summary: First Impressions are important, as they say. You and Yoongi just happen to give each other bad ones.

It wasn’t supposed to go this way, I thought to myself dimly as I sat on the edge of the seat, the cold glass of pink liquid swirling in my hand. If it had been any other day of the week, I would’ve just let it all go to hell and taken up my girls on their offer to get me a drink and just spend the night away lazing in the club we were a part of.

I’d decked up in a slinky tank top, a pair of tight glittery pants and knee length heeled boots that would’ve turned heads, especially that of my boyfriend’s, if he’d been here. I took another disgruntled sip from the intoxicating drink and leaned back into my seat, putting my leg up on the glass table in front of the leather couch.

The club Dark Wild lived up to its name with roaring purpose. They kept the exterior simple, black and white brick façade with a neon black and red sign with a withering rose over the entry. It was dark and the cold patchwork tiling around the club gave it a high end feel, which made you feel good about going there. The interior was dark, with flashing lights that allowed complete privacy and yet no one could miss anything. The music thrummed and pulsated in my veins, the trance music lulling me in a welcomed daze.

I loved Dark Wild, I loved coming to the majestic scene that even though could be considered cheap, but it wasn’t. At least not with the amount they charged for a membership.

I remembered the first time I’d come to the club. It had been my first week at college and my best friend Doona and Ara had managed to push and prod me into going to the freshman party which had been held at Dark Wild. There we’d met Yerin and hit it off immediately. The four of us were inseparable now and it had only been a few months till Yerin had managed to convince us all to become members at the club since we never really went anywhere else and you could never be bored at Dark Wild.

Five months later, I’d been the designated driver for the group and while I tried to maintain my slightly more than tipsy friends, I’d bumped into my now boyfriend.

I frowned, the memory going slightly hazy in my buzzed mind.

This was new. I remembered the day I’d met Sehun crystal clearly. I could repeat it in my sleep but lately…

Lately, it had been feeling like the memories of our glory days, the good old days were slipping out of my fingers, like they’d never even been in my grasp. I was scared of that, because the good old days were what I was holding on to in defense to all the time he was losing with me now.

I would never call him out on it.

I wasn’t that girl; the clingy, obsessed girl who couldn’t handle herself without her man for even a few hours.

Sehun was busy, he was trying to get his performing arts degree and it was difficult. He was a dancer and actor and took singing lessons for that added boost so by the time he walked out the class doors and to me, he was only good to flop into my bed and pass out.

It wasn’t like I wasn’t busy either. I had my writing classes, music theory classes, singing, literature and other classes. If anything, recently I’d been feeling busier than Sehun and while he whined that his three classes were taking his soul away, I’d bitten my tongue to keep from complaining about how I was losing both my physical and mental energy.

I had been happy with just singing and writing as extra classes, since they were something I loved doing but since Sehun had once commented about how I’d need more of an added punch I’d signed up for music making classes too. It turned out; I enjoyed them, so naturally I didn’t mind. I was getting ahead and Sehun was happy, it was perfect.

Now, I wasn’t so sure.

He never seemed to be around to seem happy, or maybe that was just me.

“Please, tell me you are not still moping around for Sehun.” A voice moaned from behind me and a sweaty and red faced Yerin dropped down next to me, soon followed by Ara and Doona who looked more than drained. Weekday partying was definitely not down our alleys.

“I’m not moping. You know, I don’t do that.” I pointed out as she neatly plucked my glass out of my hand and threw it down her throat in a neat and almost graceful fling.

“Oh sure, you just haven’t been as cheerful and wild because you’re drowning in classes. Oh wait, that’s not you. Seriously, you’re supposed to be having fun.” Yerin said.

“I am having fun!” I protested.

“Sitting in a corner couch with a single drink is not constituted as fun, Y/N.” Doona drawled. I sighed. Drunken Doona was always cockier than sober Doona.

“She’s right. You look hot today; you should go show off your stuff.” Ara agreed, snuggling into Doona’s side.

“As opposed to how I usually look…?” I asked amused, even as Yerin threw me a disparaging look.

“I did not throw on this awesome dress and drag your butts here for you to sit on yours for the entire night. You will get up, you will go get another drink, you will forget about Sehun for now and you will dance with some random guy who will buy you drinks but you won’t leave with him. Problem solved. Plus, if one of our friends’s here, news will maybe get back to Sehun and he’ll be jealous and he will give you more attention. That’s an added bonus. I’m a goddamn genius.” Yerin let out a wide yawn.

“Or a goddamn idiot,” I muttered.

Sehun very rarely got jealous, he was way too confident, way too knowing of his position in the world and even if he did get jealous, it was never over me. He might get jealous because a spot he wanted in a dance or act was given to someone else or if someone performed better than him and got more praise. These would lead to him showing up on my doorstep and ranting about how the person was clearly a suck-up and how he might have been off his game that day but he was certain to do better and the teacher would see that.

I usually dealt with these situations with silent affirmations and feeding him until he wanted to go to bed or take me to bed. Those were one of the better sexy nights because he needed to prove himself somewhere and what better place to do that but in my bed?

Still, even if those nights were hot, I loved the nights when he would randomly show up with take out, place a sweet kiss on my forehead and we’d eat in front of my TV and then just go to sleep, his head nuzzling mine as he told me about scripts he was working on or a new song. Those were perfect nights with him, nights that never happened anymore.

I had lost my loving, caring boyfriend somewhere in the span of a year and I had no idea how to bring him back, something I now realized my friends had noticed.

I was happy for their support and love. I was also dreading that if they saw this in my relationship; what would it mean for Sehun and me?

I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard Ara suddenly screech. “I know! They say the oldest son is going to take over for MYG enterprises soon. He graduated a few years back and rumors are that no one was hotter on the scene than him.” Ara said.

“Didn’t he have a brother?” Doona mumbled sleepily. I wondered if it was time to get them home as Yerin spoke up. “Yes, he’s probably still in college. Here or somewhere else, I don’t know, but I’m sure he’s hot too.” She said.

“Who…?” I asked.

“The company that owns this place, Y/N. MYG Enterprises, talk is it’s going to change hands soon and that maybe the guy will make a round or two here, if we’re lucky we might be able to see Yoonjin and his brother around.” Yerin said.

“I thought Yoonjin was a single child.” I frowned.

“Yeah, he let out in an interview accidentally that he had a younger brother.” Yerin smirked and I knew that whoever this guy was, he’d better beware because she wasn’t about to spare any expense at her disposal.

“Ok enough about this, can we go get Y/N drunk and on the dance floor, now?” Ara burst out and Doona’s drooping eyes snapped open wide.

“If I’m drunk, who the hell is going to get you guys home?” I asked.

“I’ll call someone; you’re the main priority here.” Yerin waved a hand and I was about to open my mouth to protest but I felt my arms being grabbed and my body being lifted out of the seat and towards the bar.

I have no idea how many shots went down my throat. Maybe it was five, maybe it was ten but by the time Yerin finally raised my arms up and hollered “Who’s the champion?” I had lost all count.

My throat burned, my eyes stung, my head spun, my body thrummed…and I had never felt so amazing in the entire week, which is if you don’t count me deliberately sleeping through my alarm, for 11 hours straight and not regretting a single thing. This was as good as that, even if I was going to be punished by a massive hangover and a patronizing speech from Sehun, if he came around that is.

That was when I’d had enough. It was fine if he showed up, smashed and hammered and I had to take care of him. However, if it was me who was messed up, he grudgingly put me to bed and laughed it off when I suffered the next day, followed by how I shouldn’t be drinking if I couldn’t hold my liquor. Well, I was going to show him I could hold my liquor.

“You know what, Sehun can go to hell! I want to dance!” I screamed and the three girls let out loud screams before tugging each other onto the dance floor.

Turns out, the shots weren’t as much as I thought because they wore off as I came back out from my second bathroom break. My lipstick was refreshed and hair back into place, my top pulled back up where it had been exposing a little too much of my cleavage than I’d have liked.

Ara and Doona were already dancing with new guys while Yerin was clearly chatting up some guy. I watched as the guy, looking star struck, raised a hand and almost in a second a pink cocktail was in Yerin’s hand.

She sipped it with a smirk and looked up straight at me, raising her eyebrows. I looked at her confusedly until she pointedly widened her eyes, her head tilting ever so slight until I understood.

“Get some random guy to buy you a drink but don’t leave with him.”

Her words rang in my head as I looked around but there was not one single guy who was unattended at the bar. I knew Yerin was still watching me so I subtly avoided her gaze, going to sit at the bar, behind the glass partition where she wouldn’t see that I wasn’t chatting up a guy, I was just sitting alone.

I sipped on the custom red drink slowly, trying not to lose the heady buzz in my head. I knew that the second it wore off, I would feel guilty.

I would feel guilty for sitting here; sipping on a drink while my friends encouraged me to use a guy to get more drinks and not going against it while my boyfriend probably slept back home. I would feel guilty for actually waiting for some guy to look good enough to my dazed brain to flirt with while my boyfriend slogged in his work.

Speaking of the devil, my phone buzzed at the same time and one glance at it told me it was my boyfriend, asking me if I was going to come over. Sober me would have said no. Drunk me was going to be petty and ignore the text completely, followed with a snort of disgust and shake of head. Even then, I should’ve felt guilty.

I should’ve also most definitely felt guilty when my eyes caught a boy who looked almost perfect to be the ‘guy’ for the night.

I should’ve felt guilty for noticing the way he slumped in his seat, a single glass of some clear liquid in front of him, as if he was doing the club a favor by sitting in one of its barstools. He was sitting four seats away from me; at the bend of the rectangular bar counter and it gave me the perfect vantage point to study him.

He wasn’t jacked up, or even slightly bulky, instead his body seemed to comprise of smooth muscles, his legs, slim and encased in pale blue jeans that someone seemed to have painstakingly ripped. The sleeves of a grey shirt that clearly emphasized his chest peeked from under his jacket, frayed. The jacket was black, badges stuck on it like medals. I didn’t know if it was the club lighting or the alcohol in my system but his hair was ridiculous. It looked like it was mint green.

Normally, I was the type of person who could curb my curious urges. They always seemed to kill the cat more often than satisfy but I was drunk enough to ignore that small voice that told me not to go and talk to him.

I tossed back my drink, relishing the way it rested, coolly on my tongue but burned its way down my throat, finally ending with spice in my stomach. It added a small boost to my step as I walked to him.

I told myself I wasn’t blatantly checking him out as I neared. I had to admit that the features that looked so small from afar, sharpened nicely with closure. By the time I was standing right next to him, I could tell he was a good-looking man. His hair was also, as I said before was actually a shade of pale mint green.

I was so caught up in staring at the hair; I didn’t notice that the boy had turned his head, watching me stare at him.

“Can I help you?”

I started slightly at the gruff voice before I realized that he was speaking to me. My eyes darted to his face to see him turned towards me, eyebrows raised. His eyes were distinctly cat like, the ends angling up, the dark color glinting in the flashing lights. His skin was pale and smooth, almost like porcelain; I couldn’t help but think it looked pretty.

“I’m sorry, I was just…your hair,” I mumbled out, watching as his eyebrows climbed higher. He reached towards his glass and raised it to his mouth, taking a gulp, his tongue sliding out and running across his lower lip. My eyes watched the motion before meeting his eyes again.

“Yeah, what about it?” he asked.

“It looks cool. I’ve never seen that kind of color before.” I said.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, running his fingers through his hair, turning back, glancing at me once when a ring blared around us. It took me a moment to realize it was my phone and I dug it out quickly, looking disgruntled at the ID.

Sehun.

Why was he calling me now? Did he get home and was looking for some time with me? That happened rarely nowadays. What, did he expect that I would always be around for him to spread out his fingers and I would come to him like a dog? He could stew today.

I let the call go to voicemail, looking back up at the handsome stranger to see him smirking.

“Boyfriend troubles?”

I frowned at that. Why would he jump to that conclusion? No matter the fact that he was in fact correct.

“What, no, I just –”

“You’re just mad at your man so you troll around the club, commenting on people’s hairs? Or were you trying to see if I’d offer you a drink?” he asked.

I blanched, the haze slowly reducing as shock at his rude bluntness fought with the alcohol.

“Just so you know I don’t do that. I’m not into buying drinks for any odd girl who comes about saying my hair looks cool.” He said coldly. I clenched my fist, glaring at the stranger.

Maybe that was why I’d originally sat around but there was no way I’d gone to him for a drink. I was just drunk…and stupid, now it seems. Suddenly it struck me that maybe taking Sehun’s call would’ve been better.

“Of course not! I told you, I thought your hair looked cool. I don’t use that line on people I want buying my drinks.” I said.

“What do you do then? You don’t seem to be like the girl who uses pick-up lines, do you maybe flash them?” he smirked again, his eyes hovering around my neck area.

I backed up, my shock easily melting into outrage.

“What the hell is your problem?” I asked my voice close to screeching.

Had I done something wrong? The only thing I’d done was gawk at him and comment on his stupid hair. Was it a touchy subject?

“My problem? I’m not the one hanging about a club looking for free drinks. Maybe you should move ahead. I hear the guys over there are into that kind of thing. You probably won’t even need to flash them. They’ll let you do that later.” He waved his now empty glass somewhere towards the back where usually the rich kids with no personality at all hung out.

“Screw you…” I trailed off when I realized that I didn’t even know his name.

He laughed a raspy, caustic laughter that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up and a shiver run down my spine at the acid in it. “Sorry, sweetheart, but it’s not your night.” He said, standing up and making me back up as he towered over me, looking me over once with mocking vehemence.

The proximity between us only made my breath catch and I gritted my teeth as my slow and dumb body tried to combat the hypnotic aura oozing out of the man. It definitely wasn’t helping. I could already feel blind hatred cloud his beautiful image in my mind.

I wanted to slap him. Hard, the kind of slap that would echo in the club, draw a few eyes and leave a red mark on his cheek, serving a reminder to never talk to girls like that. He’d basically called me a slut, in way too many sentences.

He smoothly slid away from me as if he could read my mind, zipping up his jacket and tossing me one last smile which would’ve passed for a soft, fond smile between two close friends parting if it wasn’t for the horrible things he’d said to me just a few minutes before.

“Oh, the name’s Min Yoongi.”

With that he turned on his heel and vanished somewhere in the darker depths of the club.

Around me the music kept on thrumming as I tried to hold back an expletive that would most likely be very loud and get me into trouble. Not to mention, if the girls saw me like that, they would ask questions.

There was no way Yerin was going to let some guy call me out on something that degrading and let him walk away. I had his name. She would find him and she would make him wish he’d never been born. Although, it didn’t seem like Min Goddamn Yoongi was the type to wish he’d never been born. He definitely thought he was a gift to God’s green earth.

My phone rang again and this time, I pushed past people to get out of the club before accepting Sehun’s call.

“Y/N? Baby, what’s wrong? Why didn’t you answer earlier?” he asked immediately, his voice going from concerned to demanding in a millisecond.

“Sorry Sehun, Yerin and the girls dragged me to Dark Wild today; I didn’t hear the first call.” I said through pursed lips. “Oh, ok…well, if you’re done, do you want to come over? I’m exhausted and I have your favorite food and movie. We could have a quiet night in.” he said.

I almost sighed in delight. This was my boyfriend, the one who cared about these things for me. Small, meaningful things that made me smile. I nodded even when he couldn’t see me. “Yes please, I’ll be there in a few minutes.” I muttered, walking towards the main road and hailing a taxi. I hung up and sent the girls a quick text, letting them know I was tired and going home.

Leaning my head back on the soft leather, I spat a mental ‘fuck you’ to Min Yoongi again and returned to thoughts of Sehun, pushing back any image of stupid mint green hair that my mind threw at me.

#yoongi smut #yoongi angst #yoongi fanfic #bts smut #bts angst #bts fanfic #yoongi #bts #min yoongi #aberrations

[douchebagbrainwaves]

HERE'S WHAT I JUST REALIZED ABOUT DATA

A few days ago I finally figured it out. Notes PR has at least one person willing and able to focus on first, we wouldn't have the concept of an organization whose structure gives each person freedom in inverse proportion to the wealth they generate. You can't replace those. Steve may not literally design them, but nowadays data about who gets selected is often publicly available to anyone who does good work. Windows, because the mafia too are not merely afflicted by but driven by confusions over words. And the way to use these languages as because, if we're lucky, we'll use languages on the path from ideas to startups has recently been getting smoother. In Airbnb's case, these consisted of going door to door in New York. More generally, you can no longer give us faster CPUs, just more of them to solve a problem their founders had. To see how, envision two things: what they're going to build something better than they realize.

As the art itself gets more random, the effort that would have required object-oriented programming at the moment, there is nothing so unfashionable as the last, discarded fashion, there is a peloton of younger startups behind them. It's not economic inequality, is different from taking it—not just the classes that make a university such a good place to make things, like intro it to my friends at Foundry who were investors in Service Metrics and understand this model I am also talking to my father reminded me of Internet trade shows during the Bubble a lot of people working on something great. Who knew there was something wrong with the system; it's just inevitable that kids will be miserable at that age. So you're not sacrificing the lukewarm investors if you focus on the goal of getting lots of users. Thanks to Trevor Blackwell, Rich Draves, Dan Giffin, and Lisa Randall for reading drafts of this essay didn't work.1 It's not that people think of property as having a single thing. You have to decide. Or business users. Many a founder would be happy to trade places with them.2

In fact, they're lucky by comparison. I don't mean to suggest we should never do this. Whatever the outcome, the conflict was military. A company making $1000 a month a typical number early in YC and growing at 1% a week for 19 years, it would be a 900-page pastiche of existing popular novels—roughly Gone with the Wind plus Roots. But a very able person in a big company in a design war with a company big enough that its software is designed by committee, and the enforcement of quality. Different plans match different investors. But if you have significant expenses other than salaries that you can eliminate, do it. My parents were pretty good about admitting when they didn't know things, but in the late 1970s and early 1980s.

And not just in the last 40. Given an initial critical mass and enough time, a programming language is good as a second language. There you're not concerned with truth.3 VCs get paid a good salary right away. Standards are higher; people are more sympathetic to Newton. We did that at Viaweb. For example, in the sense of hitting some big need straight on. I ignore tokens that are all digits, and I was surprised to see how bad some practice is till you have growth and thus usually revenues to justify them.4 So I don't even want to do a deal; so there must be a lot.5 Fortran, and it would be extraordinary if all eight succeeded. What difference does it make how many others there are? I was certainly a hacker, the last round of funding, regardless of how you spent your summers.

There is a kind of whitelist and blacklist because they are more conservative than Boston ones. Till recently graduating seniors had two choices: give it away and make money from it. With a startup, ask yourself: who wants this right now? 8 Efficiency A good language, it was interesting to notice how important color was to the vertical. Beware of research. Oh my God, they know it, you'll miss out on most of the rest. And he pointed out that because you can release it as soon as he got a job as a waiter doesn't think of himself as a waiter to learn how to program computers, or what advantage, if any of your data be trapped on some computer sitting on a sofa watching TV, I'd have noticed very quickly. Deals fall through. It's probably closer to machine language than Python.6 There was no reason you couldn't have done this.

The strategy described at the end. Likewise, popular isn't just something you are or you aren't, but something major is missing. It's unlikely you could make a fortune in the mid 20th century masked this underlying trend. You have to consciously resist it. What prevented most serfs from leaving was that it would increase the spammers' cost to reach a given audience by a factor of 10 in speed. They can lead to distractions even more dangerous than the valuation. Hence what I call the Hail Mary strategy.

The Power of the Marginal June 2006 This essay is derived from a keynote at FOWA in October 2007. The company that did was RCA, and Farnsworth's reward for his efforts was a decade of patent litigation. The quality of investor is big news for startups, big companies have little to bring to the table. These aren't so critical in something like math or physics, where no one has. Imagine walking around for years with five pound ankle weights, then suddenly having them removed. Running a business is to make source code smaller. There was a good deal of resistance at first. They just had us tuned out.

Do you, er, want a printout of yesterday's news? If another country wanted to establish a rival to Silicon Valley seemed like a nationalistic remark: an obnoxious American telling them that if they found a good deal is that the concept of exit strategy, because you don't have that luxury. _____ History suggests that, all other things being equal, the best thing you could be working on: either classwork, or a market to supply evolutionary pressures. So they claim it's because they seem safer. And even in those fields they depend heavily on startups for components and ideas.7 But it's so tempting to sit in their offices and let PR firms bring the stories to them.8 As a kid I was always under pressure to release their new OS, whose release date had already slipped four times, but I didn't realize exactly what was killing them. But I think the cost of starting a startup. Teenagers now are useless, except as cheap labor in industries like fast food, which have remained more or less a subset of the language is.

Notes

Applying for a reason. To solve are random, they may end up. Or worse still, has one booked for them. Though if you are unimportant.

7% of American kids attend private, non-programmers grasped that in the original source of better ideas: Paul Buchheit adds: I once explained this to realize that in three months we made comparatively little competition for mediocre ideas, because they actually do, I'll have people nagging me for features. Travel has the same superior education but had a house built a couple years. In fact, if you pack investor meetings as closely as you get stock as if the similarity extended to returns.

There is of course it was the season Dallas premiered. It is still hard to say about these: I should do is assemble components designed and manufactured by someone else. But politicians know the answer to, but this could be pleasure in a certain level of incivility, the group of picky friends who proofread almost everything I say in principle 100,000 legitimate emails. In sufficiently disordered times, even if our competitors had known we were quite sore from VCs attempting to probe our nonexistent database orifice.

Some people still get rich by buying their startups. Which in turn forces Digg to respond gracefully to such changes, because the money was to backtrack and try selling it to them. When that happens. Most people let them mix pretty promiscuously.

And so this one is now very slow, but which didn't taste very good. Sites that habitually linkjack get banned.

Why Startups Condense in America consider acting white.

Founders at Work.

You can get for 500 today would say that intelligence is the most important subject. Don't ask investors who say no for introductions to other knowledge. Cit. Sam Altman points out that another way to be the model for Internet clients too.

#automatically generated text #Markov chains #Paul Graham #Python #Patrick Mooney #exit #words #sup #quality #incivility #classes #startups #founders #color #something #mid #meetings #Farnsworth #Work #money #envision #Applying #place #Gone #industries #intro #others #everything #business #Rich

[typetwofun]

Adventures in Learning with A Vintage Motorcycle

this post should take ~9 minutes to read

My first ride on a motorcycle on a public road was terrifying. After obtaining my license via a weekend class that took place entirely in a high school parking lot, I had purchased a Honda CB250 Nighthawk on Craigslist. Get License - check, purchase motorcycle - check. Next item on the list is to take this thing on the road...

During my maiden voyage I came face-to-face with the reality that these 2,000 pound death machines some people refer to as cars were trying to kill me at every turn. This was unsettling at first but after a couple miles I gained confidence and felt more comfortable maneuvering around my adversaries who seemed to have every intention of ending my life. I also started to have a lot of fun and understand the allure of the two-wheeler. Although I mainly purchased a motorcycle as an affordable way to get around Atlanta, I was beginning to get the idea that riding a motorcycle was going to now be a part of my life.

“When you let a motorcycle into your life you're changed forever.  The letters "MC" are stamped on your driver's license right next to your sex and height as if "motorcycle" was just another of your physical characteristics, or maybe a mental condition.”

"Season of the Bike" by Dave Karlotski

Fast Forward two years and I’m living in Brooklyn. I sold my Knighthawk before I moved and I was kicking around the idea of buying another motorcycle to allow myself some more freedom to explore NYC. In the year of learning how to ride in Atlanta I became attracted to vintage bikes. Every time I saw an old touring bike from the 60’s or 70’s I was envious and I had decided my next bike would be something from that era. After another period of scouring Craigslist and  a couple friends persistently coaxing me to get a bike, I became the owner of a burnt orange 1977 BMW R75/7.

I thought I was purchasing a classic motorcycle that would take me to the farthest reaches of the NYC metro area and beyond. I would get plenty of looks speeding around the city on this museum piece as old guys nodded their heads in approval. But what I actually purchased was more like a new puppy that constantly needed my attention. Purchasing this BMW began a two year crash course on the fundamentals of the /7 (pronounced “slash seven”) and the proper care and maintenance required to keep it on the road.

The reason I share this long back story is because I never intended to do significant work on my motorcycle. I might have romanced the thought of changing the oil and doing little projects here or there but I grossly underestimated the time investment becoming a useful mechanic requires. These series of fortunate or unfortunate events, depending on how you look at it, led me to buying a bike that was going to need a lot of work. I started off small projects like replacing the fuel lines and adjusted the timing which gave me the confidence to begin working on larger and larger projects. Eventually I was tearing the bike down to the engine block and more importantly putting it all back together correctly. As someone who lacks significant experience working on engines, this kind of undertaking required a great deal of effort and if I have gained anything while refurbishing this classic motorcycle, it is how to learn a new skill.

When Was The Last Time I Learned A New Skill?

Learning any new skill is especially difficult when you are quite literally getting your hands (and clothes) dirty and spending long hours of your precious weekend in the garage with nothing to show for it except frustration, fatigue, and an unquenchable thirst for cocktails. As time goes on you have fewer and fewer days filled with frustration and eventually have enough knowledge that you might be so bold to consider yourself “useful” which is a rather satisfying feeling.

When I sat back and thought about it I haven’t learned a completely new skill in a meaningful way since I graduated from college. Sure I have learned little things like how to shoot a rifle, brine a turkey and how to catch a wave on a surfboard. But learning how to tear apart an old engine and put it back together correctly is a rather large undertaking and seemed intimidating to an inexperienced mechanic.

Why Learn a New Skill, Anyways?

As I expressed earlier, my intention was never to learn how to rebuild old engines. When you leave the part of life where you quit asking “will this be on the test?” there does not seem to be a great incentive to learn new things other than to make more money or for leisure activities and enjoyment. This may be the prevailing wisdom, but through this process I have discovered there is quite a bit to be gained by doing my own motorcycle maintenance beyond having a bike that works (most of the time).

Confidence to Solve Other Problems - Demystifying the /7 has helped me gain confidence that I can most likely find a solution when confronted with other technical problems. Armed with an internet connection we are able to find an answer to many of the technical challenges life throws at us. Almost everything we encounter in our world is part of a system or is a product of some kind of process that we can figure out. Whether it’s how to play a Beatles song on a guitar or play a Beatles song from your phone in a rental car via the touch screen display while driving, the answer is out there and you can probably find it.

The Pleasure of Figuring Things Out - Nothing quite beats the dopamine hit after having a breakthrough on a problem you have been working on for hours or maybe even weeks. There have been times where I thought to myself that I need to sell my bike and get something more modern and reliable. Every time a problem made itself evident I hunkered down and attempted to fix it and up to this point I have been successful and finding the solution (knock on wood).

Oh, one more thing, the beer at the end of the day always tastes better after finding a solution to the day’s problem.

It’s Good to Be Uncomfortable - there were many times when I got to a point in a repair job and I became nearly paralyzed with doubt. What if I break this piece? What if when I’m done I realize I need to go back in and redo it? What if I do permanent damage to the bike? What if I get in over my head and I need to burden a friend with helping me or pay a mechanic? And on and on it goes.

I learned somewhere along the way that this unsettling feeling is actually where the magic happens. You are experiencing the fear of the unknown and the only way to rectify that is to figure it out. We have many great resources like YouTube, User Manuals and experts that we can reference but sometimes the only way out is through.

The more I experienced this sensation the more familiar I became with it and the less intimidating the fear of the unknown became. Every other time I was at a supposed dead end I found a way out. Especially with a low stakes hobbyist project, it’s not scary, it’s just part of the process.

Use Your Brain In A Different Way - Like most of you, I spend my work days in front of a computer. Computers are incredible and allow us to get many things done in a short amount of time, but after a long day in front of the screen, my brain also feels like a giant pile of mush. When I spend an afternoon in the garage I may be physically tired at the end of the day but my brain does not feel like it needs to shut down and watch TV for an hour or two before bed. The tangibility of your progress and the ability to physically deconstruct and later reconstruct something is quite rewarding.

Enjoying the Fruits of Your Labor - There is an indiescribale feeling when you begin the day with a machine that is not functioning properly or sometimes at all and ending the day riding that very machine with an understanding of what is happening beneath you to make you go. Similar feelings are closing your first sale in a business you started or presenting a dish you learned how to prepare at a dinner party.

How I learned

I was a lousy student when I was in school. For me, the studying techniques of rote memorization or sitting through lectures don’t usually deliver the desired results of truly understanding new information that I have been presented. I have found that I absorb information much better by watching someone demonstrate the proper way to do something and then I attempt to to try to replicate it. This style of learning lends itself much better to the hard sciences than for other disciplines such as history or sociology.

YouTube - It’s hard for me to imagine what it was like to fix motorcycles or an issue with any appliance before YouTube. The catalogue of high definition videos on any given topic never ceases to amaze me and some even provide enormous entertainment value (exhibit A and Exhibit B). Access to this information is perhaps humanity's greatest achievement (sorry wheel and alcohol). I have gained a new appreciation for YouTube’s utility throughout the rebuild of my bike and its applications which are seemingly limitless. There is no greater resource for learning how something should be done than having a more experienced human walk you through the process on demand for almost no cost.

Mentorship - YouTube and internet forums are great for what they are, but when you’re really stuck there is still nothing that replaces a more experienced human to help you get unstuck. I have had the good fortune of making friends with several hobbyist mechanics who are far more experienced and knowledgeable than I am. Sometimes you can get yourself 90% of the way there, but it takes a “teacher” to uncover what you’re missing or to think of it in a different way.

The money you can invest in mentorship or lessons will return enormous dividends whether you’re learning how to fix a machine, downhill ski, or get that handicap into single digits. Especially for those of us who work 40+ hours a week your free time is invaluable and paying for access to an expert is almost always worth it.

Long Form Articles - Before I dive into a new project I like to read an overview that somebody else has written to give myself an idea of what kind of fun surprises I may be in for. Youtube videos are great as are forums surrounding a specific question. But in order to fully wrap my head around certain concepts nothing beats a well written long form article by an expert.

For instance, I wish I read this article before purchasing my Airhead.

Trial and Error - Despite all the tools, resources and knowledge we are surrounding with there are some questions the internet does not have answered in a 12 minute HD video. There are also days when nobody picks up the phone or your buddies aren’t able to help you. And for such occasions you have no choice but to figure it out.

There are several episodes in my mind's eye where I was floundering with bleeding my brakes, reassembling the throttle grip drive, or adjusting the points gap and on try number 50 something clicked and it worked and I now magically know how to do these things for the next time around.

Wrapping Up

Learning how to rebuild this motorcycle has provided me with satisfaction and enjoyment that have added an enormous amount of joy to my life. Undertaking the rebuild was never my primary intention and more or less a fortuitous accident. As Dan Gilbert outlines in his book “Stumbling on Happiness” humans are usually pretty bad at forecasting and we are particularly bad at predicting what will make us happy. I guess it should be to no one's surprise that my love of fixing motorcycles was serendipitous.  

If there was one thing I would tell my 20 year old self what I should do differently it would be to try new things and learn more new skills. Preferably something you can really get lost in like cooking or woodworking. It makes your brain work in different ways and think about the world through a new perspective. You will meet interesting people whom you wouldn’t normally cross paths with and you will also have a lot of fun doing it.

I hope you find my experience interesting enough to go out and stumble upon your own project or hobby that will make your Saturday afternoons that much more incredible. 

Trust me, it makes the beer taste better at the end of the day.

A view of the piston after the cylinder has been removed

Carburators, valves, valve covers, push rods, and nuts and bolts in a somewhat organized manner after removal

After several hours of soaking, scrubbing, and scraping she looks good as new!

First big ride of the summer after a long winter in the garage.

#motorycle #learning

[agilenano]

Agilenano - News: Why SQLite succeeded as a database (2016)

Brought to you by This week we talked with Richard Hipp, the creator of SQLite, about its history, where it came from, why it succeeded as a database, how it’s development is sustainably funded, and how it’s the most widely deployed database engine in the world. 84 minutes Recorded Apr 30, 2016 Published Apr 30, 2016 Download (60MB) Toptal – Join the best, or hire the best engineers and designers! Email Adam ([email protected]) for a personal introduction to our friends at Toptal. SQLite Home Page GDBM fopen(3) - Linux manual page Bruce Perens - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia He co-founded the Open Source Initiative (OSI) Welcome back everyone. This is the Changelog and I am your host, Adam Stacoviak. This is episode 201 and today Jerod and I are talking to Richard Hipp, the creator of SQLite. We talked to Richard about the history of SQLite, where it came from, why it succeeded as a database, how its development is sustainably funded and also how it’s the most widely deployed database engine in the world. Our first sponsor of the show today is our friend at Toptal. And you know if you’ve been listening to show that we love Toptal and one of the interesting things about Toptal is being able to take control of your career, being able to work on technologies you’re going to work with, being able to work with the companies you want to work with, choosing your own salary, being able to travel. I talked to Asael Arenas, the Community Manager for Toptal in South America and I was blown away by what this guy had to say, so take a listen. “To be tied to a desktop these days is something that is not necessary for developers. If there are still developers - and I’m sure there are a lot of developers who’re still tied to their desktops, I will let them know about Toptal, about this company that will give you the opportunity to drive your own career. You can decide how much time you want to work, how much you want to earn, where you want to work from, when you want work. So what else? All that is possible.” Alright, that was top Toptal’s Community Manager for South America, Asael Arenas. He’s living a dream, he’s traveling the world, he’s getting paid, he’s doing what he wants, he’s choosing his own path, and if that’s what you want to do call up on Toptal, toptal.com. Tell them that Changelog sent you. If you want a personal introduction, email me [email protected]. And now on to the show. Hey everyone here, today we’re joined by Richard Hipp. Now, Jerod, this is a deep topic because SQLite or SQLite (different pronunciation) - we’ll debate that during the show - is such a prolific, widely-used technology. This is something you pointed out, in terms of this technology to kind of interest you, so maybe we should open up with why, why did it interest you so much? Why it interested me was basically for the ubiquity of it. You know, it’s one of those technologies… I think, I’ve said before on the show - I think it was the cURL show - we were coming to software development around the year I guess 2001, 2002… Anything that predates my inception into software, I just kind of assumed it always existed. And so this is one of those programs that I just haven’t thought about in the historical context, until I saw something like an article, I think the Guardian article which was actually written back in 2007 but still seemed pretty poignant until this day, and got to just reading about… You know, I knew what the technology was, but reading about the technology and how many - I mean it’s just like in almost every device in the world. And it’s public domain, super interesting. So I said, “Oh, we gotta get this guy on the show”, and Richard, thanks so much for joining us. So here’s the way we kick off the show - diving a little deeper, especially Richard to someone like you, who’s got a deep, rich history of software development; kind of figuring out where they came from, what made them get into technology in the first place. So take us back to as early as you want to that got your influence, that got your feet wet in technology. What were the first steps that got you into software development? [] When I was in the 9th grade, I saw all a Teletype connected with an acoustic coupler 110-baud modem to a mainframe computer. And I said, “I’ve got to learn to program that.” And I went to the school library and I checked out every single book about computers in my high school library, all three of them, and I read them cover to cover that night. And I got an account on that little computer and started programming away in BASIC. Saved up my money… Shortly after that, the Apple I came out, and I was about to buy the Apple I and the Apple II came out. And I bought just the motherboard for an Apple II. Got it. Had to build my own keyboard, my own power supply, sorted it altogether. The first board I got didn’t work. I called up Apple, they put me through the technical support and Steve Wozniak answers the phone. ..and said, “Oh, yeah. Send it back. We’ll send you another board.” They sent me another motherboard and that one worked. That’s how I got started in computers, trying to write programs in 4K of RAM, and that 4K included the video memory. So that’s how I got started. I went to university, studied Electrical Engineering, didn’t do anything with computers for a while. Coming out of university with a master’s degree, I took job at Bell Labs, and the first thing they did was sit me down in front of a console, running Unix, and I learned Unix and C, and work there for a few years, quit, went back to graduate school, came out of graduate school in 1992. Back then getting a tenure track position was really, really hard. There were hundreds of candidates for any open position, and I was not the best candidate. My application was near the bottom of the stack, and so I just started my own company, just developing bespoke software, solving hard problems for people. That company has been in business now for 24 years. In the course of doing that one time we had a problem where we needed a database engine. We were using Informix. The customer said [\] Informix and, you know, that’s a big hassle to set up and stuff for development purposes. We needed something simple. We used Postgres for a while, that worked well for development. But it was read-only, the database was read-only, and I thought why can’t we just read this database directly off of the disk? And so I just said, “Well, I’ll write my own database engine.” So I wrote SQLite and I got to be real popular, and here we are. That might be the purest love at first sight type of a story in terms of technology I’ve ever heard. It was just like I saw it and I thought, “I’m gonna go get every book from the library I possibly can and I’m gonna do this.” Yeah, that was a lot of fun, playing with computers in high school, but I stayed away from computers all through college. It should also give anybody that’s new, I guess, you should say - it’s the easiest way to say it - some inspiration, because you cared so much that you created your own hardware to access the motherboard that you had bought from Apple. To me, that’s determination. That’s the purest, simple version of determination I’ve ever seen, because… By any means necessary, you had to. Right? You didn’t … Yes, that’s all you had to do. And, you know, we didn’t have computer monitors of any type. You had to video output, you had to modulate it to RF, into the RF range and hook it into the antenna wires on a TV set. And of course, with the limited resolution a TV set, the whole screen was 40-characters wide and 24 lines long. We thought it was magic. It was the most amazing thing in the world. [] Well, take us back to that. Share with us if you can, Richard, a magic – a story of a magic moment then. Since it’s such magic to you, if you can remember back to those times when you were first enamored by this thing - what story can you share that sticks out most to you about something magical? You know, it’s hard to say… There’s just something magical about making things work. I’ve always liked building things from scratch and making things work. That goes back in my family, my father’s the same way. When he builds things… My father is sort of the original maker. You see the makers now, but modern makers, they always have computers built in. The things my father makes usually involve an internal combustion engine of some sort. But it’s the same idea. I just do it with abstractions on a computer screen. Writing programs is a really, really interesting thing, because we can build entire worlds out of just pure thought stuff. We don’t have raw materials, it’s just pure ether, and it materializes, and it becomes a whole other world. That makes me think of a very specific domain where that other world comes into the real world, which I think nowadays is somewhat considered a solved problem, but I think probably you faced, at least when you were getting started, which is printing. Do you have any memories of the early days of printers? I mean, did you have to write your own drivers? How did printers originally…? Yeah. We just… I didn’t print things out. [laughs] It’d go up on the screen and you’d write it down. Printing was not an option. I looked at ways of making my own printer. You know, they had daisy-wheel printers that would print things, but that was a lot of money and I didn’t have any money back then. You’re thinking 1977, the Apple II motherboard costs $600. That was just the motherboard, and that’s $600 in 1977. Jimmy Carter was President of the United States. That would be like paying thousands of dollars today for just the motherboard, and it had 4K of memory on it. Printers were ridiculously expensive. I did manage to get a hold of a used electric typewriter and I played around trying to figure a way to get that to be my printer, but it turned out that that electric typewriter was mostly mechanical, there was not much electrical interface to it. So that didn’t work out well. I would figure out a way to hook up an internal combustion engine to this electric typewriter exactly… Yes. Yeah, exactly. You mentioned that you went away from computers in college and I read that you got a philosophy degree, or you got a Doctor of Philosophy from Duke… Can you talk about your college years and why did you move away from software and then why did you move back? Well, so as an undergraduate at Georgia Tech, I did electrical engineering, and I stayed away from software because I think that was easy. I knew how to do that already, and I wanted to learn new stuff. So I did digital signal processing, which in the early 1980s was a really phenomenal thing. This was brand new stuff. Now everything is digital, but back then it was just the beginning of the digital age. [] I’d never taken him a computer programming class until I went to Duke in graduate school, and I studied in the Department of Computer Science there. It was computational linguistics, artificial intelligence, and my thesis was on a speech recognition system and a dialogue system. I figured really cool ways, I devised some really cool things for resolving elliptical utterances and anaphora. It was interesting work, but once I left - I did that for five years at Duke and left that and never looked back. I haven’t done anything with it in two and a half decades. Maybe eventually. I’m not in any hurry. You know, people get really enamored by AI and that sort of thing these days, but I lived in it for five years and I still think that a lot of the hype is just that, it’s hype. I think the Alpha Go situation - I don’t know if you have to speed on any of that, with the AI program beating the Go champion. That was a significant event. And the IBM thing, the Watson thing - that was significant. These were significant, but still there’s a long way to go. The material available to people these days compared to what I had is enormous. I mean, what I wouldn’t have given when I was in graduate school to have this Internet full of text that I could study. Just getting a corpus of text to use for analysis was really, really hard in the ‘80s. Whereas now you can trivially download gigabytes of it, and that helps. It is moving the field forward. But if you read newspapers and magazines, you’ll think that HAL 9000 is just around the corner, but I don’t think so. Yeah, I think from those seeing it from the inside. Even though, as you said, the major milestones and we are daily making advancements, but as people who work in software day in and day out, I think we definitely see a different angle at that the world of software advancement than other people … We still have trouble getting graphical user interfaces, right? Let alone something, you know, that understands itself and is self-aware. I mean, forget it. Yeah. So I read an interesting tidbit on your Wikipedia page which – I don’t even know if the fact itself most is interesting… I mostly want talk about it because it said there’s a citation needed, and I thought, “Can a podcast be a citation?” If so, we can get one right here. You can confirm or deny this, and we can go on and edit Wikipedia when we’re finished with this call. It says, “He married Ginger G. Wyrick on April 16, 1994, changed the name of his company to Hipp, Wyrick & Company, Inc, and signed all stock over to his new bride.” I did. She’s is the president of the company. It turns out I had to buy half of that stock back from her at one point. Yeah. We were working for a company and of course I was the prime on that company, and they insisted that I be a significant shareholder in the company. So we went out to eat, we declared a business meeting and I handed her a $50 bill and took 50 shares of stock. Ginger is a musician, so we are yin and yang. She’s very prolific, and all of her stuff comes through the same company. She’s the president. I am Head of Research. Yeah, why not? It seemed like a fun thing to do, and I was excited about getting married. You know, I thought getting a PhD was hard… You know, convincing Ginger to marry me was the biggest thing I ever accomplished. Way harder than writing the most widely-used database engine in the world. I had a similar move, but not quite as profound as yours. I incorporated my consultancy as well, and you do have to name, just for legal reasons, board of directors and all these things. And I made Rachel, my wife, the treasurer of the company. Just figured there was some poetic [\] to that. But I think president would have won me more brownie points, for sure. Alright. Well, we can go edit Wikipedia, Adam. We can add the citation and say “Refer to this time stamp of this episode.” Since we’re on the note of Wikipedia, is there any sort of heading there - I haven’t scanned it fully - that debates how you pronounce the technology? How do I pronounce the name of the product? I say S-Q-L-ite, like a mineral. But I also hear a lot people say, “Sequel lite and SQL lite.” You know, I don’t care. Whatever comes off of your tongue easily is fine with me. Right, just use it. That’s the only thing, that’s it. But the official correct way is S-Q-L-ite? Hm, like a mineral. Were you playing on the word “light”, or were you just playing on mineral…? Many people pointed out to me that I’m not good at marketing. My marketing person would have picked a better name. Yeah, it’s funny, because in our pre-call, when Adam and I were just kind of talking about this call, I thought you had pretty decent marketing, didn’t I, Adam? I said you do a pretty good job. I even like your little tagline, “Small. Fast. Reliable. Choose any three.“That appeals to me as a nerd. I didn’t come up with that. That’s something that … No, somebody put that on the mailing list; who it is, is lost in the sands of time. If you’re listening please, please call me and tell me, remind me what your name is. But somebody said, “Hey, why don’t you put that on the website? I said, “That’s great”, and I put it there. So that one’s not due to me. Do you recall when you put that on there and has it been any sort of like real driving force, or has it been something that just entertains Jerod? It’s been there for over a decade. We haven’t messed with it. Everybody likes it, it’s a cute little line. It is. Well, I think we want to talk about SQLite. I’m gonna try my best to pronounce it that way for you. I’ve called it “Sequel Lite” just because… Even SQL and sequel are, you know… You pick which one you want to say, I guess. Seriously, call it what you’re used to calling it. But we wanna talk about it, we wanna talk about its history. You mentioned kind of its inception a little bit, but we wanna draw down on that, and then we’ll get into the technical features. We’ll talk about the ubiquity, the community that you’ve built around it, the business that kind of is there that supports it, all sorts of things. We’ll take a quick break and when we get back, we’ll talk about all those things and more. We’ll be right back. Alright, we are back with Richard Hipp and we are talking about SQLite - I can’t say it my way anymore, I have to say yours … I can’t make myself do it naturally, even though you’ve told me to do so. Yes. So let’s talk about its origin. You mentioned that it came out of a specific need in your consulting. We know that it was around the year 2000, that was about the time that it became a product. Maybe that was 1.0, I’m not sure, but give us the reason… Go deep on the reason of why you started a brand new thing, why it needed to exist. You mentioned that you had Postgres as an option, but this made more sense for a particular customer or the circumstance. Give us that genesis story. So the customer… They were using Informix for the database engine. The problem that I was working on, it was a really interesting problem. We had to solve an NP-complete problem, which of course we couldn’t solve, but we could do really good approximations and that’s what it was about. It was a really, really cool product and I was a contractor, but I was sort of leading the design. Anyway, we put this thing out in the field for testing, and it was in an industrial site, and the people were operating the equipment. They would sometimes power cycle the machine that it was running on, and when it would come back up, Informix database sometimes would not come up, and this was a configuration problem, that’s all it was. There was nothing wrong with Informix. They just hadn’t installed it right. When in the database it didn’t come up, the users would double click on my application. I would try and connect to the database and wouldn’t be able to, and I would pop up a dialog box that says, “I’m sorry, I can’t connect to the database.” And course, it wasn’t my problem, but my application painted the dialogue box, so I got the support call. And I thought “This is not a good thing. I’m not in the database business.” Being a database guy is never part of my career goal, and so what can I do about this? And I thought, “Well look, the way we’re using this database - it’s read-only, at least us, and it’s very, very slowly changing otherwise. If the computer is healthy enough to bring up my application, why can’t I read the data directly off of disk? Why do I have to go through a server to get to my data?” There was a funding interruption, I had couple months off and I thought, “Hey, I’m just gonna go and cobble together a really quick and simple database engine that just does a few very simple SQL commands, insert the lead, update and select.” No joints, wasn’t trying to be efficient… All I needed to do was pull stuff off of a disk in that memory. And I put it out there and… I’ve been doing open source for years before this, putting things on my website, and people would find my thing – or well, you know, I’d put things on my website and it’d get like five downloads per year, or something like that. I’d figured this would be just another one of those things, but for whatever reason it really resonated with people. I remember seeing on Net News, somebody had this really exciting post on Net News about, “Wow! I have an SQL database engine running on my palm pilot. This is no joke.” Of course, whenever people get excited about your software, an ego boost kicks in any you’re like, “I’m gonna work on this and make it a little bit better.” Yeah, so that was motivation to kind of work when I had the opportunity. The first version, it used GDBM as the storage engine, which is the GNU Database Manager. It’s a hashing-based database, which is [\]. And so SQLite version one was GPL. It was also hash-based, and I wanted to expand SQLite to be able to do range queries. For that you need an ordered storage engine that orders the keys, basically a B-tree. I looked at Berkeley DB, which was the big thing at the time, and I spent a couple days studying the documentation and I realized that the documentation was sufficiently vague that I was gonna have to write test programs to find out enough detail to make this work. I thought, “It’s gonna be easy for me just to write my own B-tree storage engine”, so I did, and that was SQLite version two. That got to be really popular. Yeah. The first release of version 2.0 came out just a couple days after the 9/11 event… But that got to be really popular, and before long I started getting phone calls, and I got a phone call from Motorola. I don’t know if you remember, but back then Motorola was the world’s leading manufacturer of cell phones. And they said, “Hey, we wanna put SQLite on all our cell phones, but we need you to make some enhancements for us. Can we bring you on contract to make these enhancements and to support it?” I said, “Sure, of course.” I hung up the phone and felt “Wow! You mean you can make money off of open source software?” Who knew…? And I had to figure out some kind of pricing structure. We put together a contract and it wasn’t for a lot of money, but for me at the time I thought it was all the money in the world. I hired some people and we made some changes, and that went great. Then AOL contacted me and said, “Hey, we want some enhancements.” And AOL needed to be able to handle binary data. SQLite version 2 can only handle text data. So AOL said, “Hey, we’ll give you some money, fix it to handle binary data.” So we did. Once again, I was able to hire some people… I got Dan Kennedy working for me at that point. He’s from Australia, and he has been working for me ever since. We started SQLite 3 - I think that was in 2004, about this time in 2004. Once SQLite 3 got out, it got loaded into everybody’s products, and it just grew and grew. I was still doing bespoke software for various companies back then, but within a few years I stopped that and we now just do full-time supporting and maintaining SQLite for companies around the world. I like that, it’s very kind of organic. You’re kind of adding big customer to big customer, each one brings you on a contract to add some features, and so the overall product gets better. You mentioned the first version was GPL, and it’s public domain now. Let’s put that on hold. I want to talk about it specifically soon, but I want to get to the ubiquity, because you said Motorola came in and they wanted to put in their phones - that’s a lot of phones, and now you have AOL and then you start to add all these other ones. [] If we go to the website now, there’s a page which was the one that I just sent to Adam, and I was like, “We gotta talk about this.” Because I knew that it was in like every Linux basically, but I didn’t realize it’s on every android device, every iPhone, iOS device, Mac, every Windows 10 machine, so that pretty much covers all computers there. You know, we’re using Skype to talk, it’s inside of Skype. It’s in iTunes, it’s in DropBox, it’s in TurboTax. ..It’s embedded into languages, PHP and Python have it. Even television sets and set-top cable boxes… Most of the uses, I don’t even know about. People write me and say, “Hey, I was messing with this or that and the other and I found this SQLite database file. Did you know they’re using your software?” No. [laughter] I’m glad they are. I’m glad they’ find it useful. It’s used in most everything. I think… It’s impossible to tell, but I think that SQLite is probably… There are more instances of SQLite in use every day than all other database engines combined. Clearly, the other database engines make a lot more money for their creators, but I get the usage award. And I also think that SQLite is probably the second most widely used software component in the world behind zlib. I haven’t been able to identify anything else that I think might be used more than SQLite. Yeah, it’s a little bit scary, a little bit intimidating. It’s gotta make your decisions weigh on you more when you’re like, “Well, it’s gonna affect everybody.” It does, it changes your whole perspective. The way I look at software today versus the way I looked at it 15 years ago is very different because of that. So let’s talk about why. I mean, I think I have a good guess at why it’s so widely distributed, but as you said, there were many other database engines out there, many that are very good, even Postgres, which you say you use as kind of a reference implementation of at least the SQL stuff. But why is SQLite so ubiquitous? What do you attribute it to, personally? I would believe your opinion more than mine. I don’t know. I put it out there and people really liked it. I’m flattered that they like it. The team and I worked really hard to make it a solid product that stays true to what it is; the goal is that it just works. It should be in the background, it’s not something that you have to think about. It’s there when you need it, and it’s gonna work. It’s like a utility. You don’t think about, you know, the people at the water works, so when you turn the spigot, fresh water comes out. That’s an amazing thing, and we want SQLite to be just like that. It’s just there and you take it for granted. That’s how I think… I would think that like just like that; my first experience with it was Ruby on Rails, and as soon as you get Rails going it’s using that, and there’s no need for something extra. You could add it if you wanted extra, if you need different things, but it came with it. And just the fact that it was so simple, a single file that you can copy and move it around as you wanted to. It seems to me like the access and barrier is so low to use it, it’s so simple, and everything else has so many hoops to go through. [] Yeah. We try and keep it simple. Now one of our earliest patrons was Symbian. The company made the operating system that – and they were [\] and that was operating system on all the phones sold all over the world, except for the United States. They never really penetrated the US market. But this was in I think 2005, Symbian needed a database for their operating system, and apparently they had a big bake-off where they got 10 different embedded database engines - they told me about this later - SQLite was one of them and they competed them: seven commercial, three open. The other nine, they actually brought in engineers from that company to help tune it for their tests, where they ran tests on it and then they said that SQLite won the bake-off. And they called me up and said, “Hey, can you come over for a meeting?” “Sure.” So I flew over and it was – we had a meeting on Thanksgiving Day. They don’t do Thanksgiving in London, apparently. But then they had the Mayflower. [laughter] That’s a good reason. They were the Mayflower. There you go. So apparently there was a bake off and we did well in the competition. I don’t know what the criteria was, but apparently we were very competitive against the other databases. And more recently - and I won’t name this other company - I’ve heard the same thing about another company. I won’t name them because they’re still current and actively using it, I just don’t want to embarrass them… But they also had a bake-off and chose SQLite. So apparently we win the competitions, and I don’t know why or how, because there’s a lot of really good products out there and I don’t know why we happen to win, if it’s luck or providence, I don’t know. But we do try to keep it small and simple - we solve a problem and that seems to resonate with a lot of people. How about the embedded aspect? It’s not client-server, which I think plays to its simplicity, as Adam said. There’s less to setup, less to get started, there’s less moving pieces to break. I think you said that Informix situation where there was a configuration problem, but it was trying to connect to some server, or something. Yeah. As far as I know, SQLite is the only SQL database engine that is not client-server. The other embedded SQL database engines, like MySQL embedded and so forth, they start a separate thread which is the server. So they don’t have a server’s process, but they do have a server thread, as far as I know. And, you know, why didn’t I do a server thread or something like that? Well, you know, it was easier not to is one reason. Another reason is that, you know, I’m not a database person. I didn’t know I was supposed to. Nobody told me. [laughter] Oh, that’s rich, right there. No one told you, you had to. No one told me that that’s what you’re supposed to do, and so I just sat around and thought, “Well, how can I do this?” and the way I did it seemed to make sense to me, so that’s what I did. Somebody had said before that you stumble on the best things in the world through accidents. It speaks to your curious heart going back to your original story, which is how you got into this in the first place was complete curiosity. And maybe that’s a good thing. Richard Hipp:. Yeah. I learned a lot about SQL just writing SQLite, which is kind of scary but true. It’s just humorous in light of how widely deployed it is in the entire world, and it’s like, “Wow, you’re not really a database guy.” [] Especially when early on when I was writing it in and I had come across something and I went, “How is this supposed to work?” and I had to go ask people, “What’s it’s supposed to do when you do this?” [laughter] So we’ve got just a few minutes before the break, but something just dawned on me, that given what you had just said, something that a lot of software developers deal with today is this notion of imposter syndrome, where they don’t belong. And given the fact that you never thought you were supposed to be a database guy or whatever, the story is… But yet as Jerod mentioned and now that everyone else knows how ubiquitously SQLite is used, have you ever dealt with or had to get over serious impostor syndrome? Has it ever been something where you’re like, I don’t belong here in this database world? Well no, not really. But that just goes back to my personality. I don’t really belong in any little group. I don’t fit in very well anywhere, I’m sort of a weird person. Eclectic, we’ll say that. So no imposter syndrome ever around, you know, not supposed to be a database guy, but yet you have … You have won all of the bake-offs, so that kind of destroys imposter syndrome when you keep winning all the competitions, I guess. Well, I meant personally; less technology, more personal. No, it’s intimidating when I’m invited to talk to groups of database experts. It can be a little bit scary because these guys know – they have been studying databases their whole life, that’s their passion. And for me it just sort of happened. One day I was going along solving hard problems, and the next thing you knew I’m a database guy. What happened? Well, it’s a hard problem. Well, I think not knowing any better is a great way to renew yourself into success in many situations. And it seems like whether you meant to or you stumble upon a lot of good design decisions, which really does set it apart from other database engines… Like you said, you’re the only one that is that way, it allows it to be distinct. And I think you said you’re not much of a marketing guy, because the name is troublesome, but I think the name does indicate a lot about it, which is to say this is light and it is simpler and it’s different than those other things. The other thing that’s really different and probably helps with adoption is the fact that you put it in the public domain, which is the ultimate form of open source. We’re gonna tee that up, I wanna talk about in detail. We do have another break to take, so we’ll take that now. And then on the other side we’ll talk to you about why you made it public domain, what the implications were that is public a domain, and then how you still sold some licenses against it anyway, which I think is hilarious. So let’s take that break and we’ll be right back. Alright, we are back and we are definitely going to talk about licensing and the public domain side of this. But before we get to that, I think we could actually cover some more of its technical merits. We talked about how some of the stuff was providential, or you stumbled upon perhaps some of SQLite’s advantages over other database engines in certain contexts, but we shouldn’t short come all of its technical merits. [] I think what our listeners could probably use help with is knowing the clean lines when it comes to comparing and contrasting from a MySQL or from a Postgres or from anything that you choose, Richard. Could you just kind of enumerate for us a few things that make SQLite different? Well, from the perspective of somebody who’s just using a database engine, one thing that’s very different is the type system that we use. SQLite really started life as a Tcl extension, Tcl being the programming language, the Tcl/Tk. The project I was working was working on was written in Tcl/Tk and so SQLite began as a Tcl extension and as a scripting language, like Perl or Python, where you can put any type of value you want in a variable. So a variable might hold a string, a number, a byte array or whatever. So I made SQLite the same way, where just because you’ve declared a column of a table to be text doesn’t mean you can’t put integer in there, or just because you declared a column in the table to be a short int, why not put a 2-megabyte blob there? So what? It’ll do that. This takes a lot of people by surprise. The way SQLite works - it’s completely compatible with other databases. Where it causes problems is that people do their initial development work for say on Ruby on Rails app and they’re doing it with SQLite, and they take advantage of this flexibility in typing that SQLite provides without realizing it. And then they get ready to go to production and they switch over to Postgres or my MySQL, and those systems don’t do that and then suddenly their application breaks. For example, they might’ve declared a varchar 40, and they didn’t realize they were putting strings in there that were longer than 40 characters. People have criticized SQLite about this. They say it’s weakly typed and the other systems are strongly typed. I think those are [\] terms. I prefer to say that SQLite is flexibly typed and that those other systems are rigidly typed or judgmentally typed. But it’s a criticism. That seems like a point of contention, because … I mean I can see both sides, because if I want this to be a varchar 40 and you let me put anything in there, then why did I declare it to be a varchar 40 in the first place? You know what I’m saying? Yeah, exactly. If you say it’s a varchar 40 and you an integer there, it will change it into text. Or if you have a comment that’s declared integer and you try to put text in it, it looks like an integer and it can be converted without loss. It will convert and store it as an integer. But if you try and put a blob into a short int or something, there’s no way to convert that, so it just stores the original and it gives flexibility there. And this is useful in a lot of cases, because sometimes you just have a miscellaneous column in a table that you might need to store lots of different things in. And in traditional database systems you actually have to have multiple columns, one for each possible data type, whereas in SQLite you put it all in one column. So it works well. And for that matter, with SQLite you don’t have to give the column a type at all. You can just say, CreateTable T1 (a,b,c) and then you’ve got a table with three columns named a, b and c and you put whatever you want there. [] That’s just for flexibility purposes, I see. Well, it flows directly out of the scripting language traditions. You don’t declare types for variables in Tcl; you didn’t used to do it in Python, I guess you can do it some, now. You don’t do it in JavaScript… You just say it’s a var. Yeah. I mean, I guess some of that leads to what I know as, you know, scripting roots from the web development perspective, which is where Adam and I are mostly coming from. And I think Ruby on Rail wasn’t my first exposure to SQLite, but it definitely was one of my first like using it, you know, more than just on the surface. And there’s this feeling or there’s this general, I don’t know what you call it, a consensus that like it’s for development purposes but when you get to production it’s foolish to use it in production, because it’s – I don’t want to call it a toy because it’s used in production more than any other thing out there, but I think that sense of it, where it will allow certain data in because your users will put in, which you didn’t expect - I think that’s probably where that feeling comes from, do you agree? I had the same thoughts honestly, Jerod. I thought that because it’s sort of a getting started thing with Ruby on Rails, and as I said that’s my first exposure with it, I kind of… And no downplay, because that’s why we have this show, that’s why we have people like Richard on this show to come and debunk big myths likes this, because someone may not ever think that SQLite is worth anything, because it’s just a beginner or just a starter thing it. But that was not exactly my thought; my thought was that it’s just for getting started. No, it’s definitely for more than that. Now for a website where you’ve got a lot of right concurrency, you need to move to a client-server database engine because you need that server process there to coordinate the concurrency. Yeah, the connection before laying this stuff. There’s just no way to do that in a serverless database like SQLite. So for so many things you don’t have that concurrency. You’ve just got a single actor or one or two actors accessing at a time; it’s not a factor, and SQLite works great in those situations. It’s where you get into big concurrency that it breaks down. Yeah. I mean, just take the example of what we talked about earlier where it’s inside of the Skype client. Well, I have my own and you have your own, and Adam has his own, and there’s no reason to have – – a server in that case. It’s completely usable right there. So that plays to its strength. So again, it’s the right tool for the job – One of our sayings is that, “We don’t compete against Oracle, we compete against fopen.” I like that one too. You’ve got lots of good taglines. Here’s another aspect of it that I think is a technical thing, which is probably pretty poignant considering recent events and the greater JavaScript community with dependencies: it doesn’t have any. So listen to this quote from the website, “All of the deliverable code in SQLite has been written from scratch.” It goes on to talk about how there’s no third-party code, everything is in there, there’s nothing that has a different license besides the public domain, which again we’ll get into. Tell us about that decision. [] Well, this – it does relate closely to the public domain thing. I’m just one of these people… I don’t like dependencies. I really like to statically link things, because with dynamic linking you just never know what version of a library you’re gonna link in a runtime, and if you’re delivering many copies of this, there will be some users who will come up with a bad version of a DLL or a shared library. Then they’ll call you for support and it’s really hard to debug if you don’t know what they’re running. And then, yeah, with upstream libraries and that sort of thing you’re – there’s a dependency there that just makes life a little bit harder. Sometimes it works better to build your own tools. I know a lot of people say that you should never reinvent the wheel; the hacker credo is “Steal the code, don’t rewrite it.” I understand the point of view, but I’ve always been sort of the person that I’m more willing to write it myself. So rather than find a different SQL database engine that would work better than Informix, I just wrote my own. And the text editor that I used to write SQLite is one that I wrote myself. No… I think I put it out there a couple of times. It’s nothing… It does what I want. I cannot imagine anybody else… Yes. It does what I want, and I cannot imagine anybody else finding it useful for anything. But rather than use Bison or Yacc for the language parser in SQLite, I wrote my own parser generator called Lemon. When we needed to beef up the development processes for SQLite and put more rigor in them… It was originally using CVS, because in 2000 CVS was just cutting-edge, state-of-the-art stuff that was really cool. But we needed to move something better and I looked at Mercurial and Git, and they weren’t gonna meet my needs, so rather than trying to work around this problems, I just wrote my own version control system. Now, that’s reinventing the wheel right there. I just tend to do that a lot. I tend to write my own stuff more than other people would. That’s either a failing or a virtue, depending on your point of view I guess. When you mentioned your own version control - that’s Fossil correct? Yeah. So Fossil SCM is a tool which Richard has written and another one that we’ve had people request us actually to talk to you about. We don’t have time for it, but we might have you back to talk about it. Interestingly, it does have a dependency which is SQLite. So I guess it depends on you’re writing a library versus an application. Right? All of the SQLite source code is managed by Fossil, and Fossil uses SQLite. And you can ponder that recursion at your leisure. Right. Well, it shows you can depend on yourself too, that you’re internally trusting, not externally trusting. There you go. Do you think that this mindset you have with writing your own stuff… Because now, as we talked about the barrier to entry, today I think people tend to lean on others because they’re sort of bootstrapping themselves into developer world. They didn’t go to school or they typically didn’t go to school or they did go to school; it’s like a boot camp, or something like that. And that’s not the downplay that whatsoever, it just means that they don’t have the breadth of experience that you do. Well, yeah. They’ve got so much more to learn than I had to learn in 1977. There’s just so much information out there. And I’ve been doing this for so long, and it seems natural to me, but I’ve been doing it for decades, and I’ve been constantly learning that entire time. So yeah, I don’t know what – if you’re starting out, you’ve got to build on what other people are doing. I don’t see any other way to do it. How would you start? Say you want to become a software developer with zero knowledge today, and you are looking for a starting point. What would you try? [] Well, I would probably try the wrong thing. [laughter] But if I were to advise people… One thing that I see is everybody’s flocking toward integrated development environments and I want to encourage new developers to get really familiar with the command line and shell prompt. If you’re on Windows, that’s fine. Certainly get familiar with Bash on Unix. I see so many people coming out of school, they’re new programmers, and they cannot operate without pointing and clicking, and somehow that limits their level of understanding. I make the analogy, if I go to a foreign country where I don’t speak the language, I can go to the market and I can point at things and we can make hand gestures and I can buy food to eat and stuff, but I cannot start a business or carry on a deep conversation about the meaning of life and the relationship of God and man. For that, I have to speak their language. And it’s the same with computers. If you’re just pointing and clicking, that’s great if you’re a casual observer or if you’re a user and you don’t want to spend the time to learn this foreign language. But if you really wanna get deep, you’ve got to learn the language. Once you do learn the language, it’s much easier to communicate that way, much easier. So I encourage people starting out, go low level and do things from the command line rather than depending on point and click GUIs. Well, some good news that came out of Microsoft’s Build conference today is that they have partnered with Canonical to bring Bash to Windows. I was thinking right after this podcast I’m going to figure out how to get that on my Windows machine. I’d seen something, Jerod, in our tweet stream, but I hadn’t got that news yet. We tend to stay timeless with our shows versus timely, but why did they do this? You know, that’s the new Microsoft - they’re embracing open source, they’re embracing Linux, they want to be more developer-friendly and so they’re having kind of a first-party user mode Linux executables in Windows 10; I haven’t read beyond that. So all I saw was a Verge article, but everybody is pretty excited just about… They have the purpose to bring the Bash command line to Windows and not in some sort of virtual machine. First-party user mode. Well, that’s funny too because I’m looking at our tweet stream, because I haven’t opened up Tweet box on this show with you, recording this. There’s one that says as a response to our tweet “April fool’s.” I know that April fool’s is just around the corner, but not that kind of corner. This is real. We gotta be careful on April Fool’s day not to be, because I know we tweeted that out. We’re gonna make sure that our stories are legit. I’m pretty sure this one’s real. Okay, so we’ve covered the technical, some intricacies, and we’ll probably go deeper into that, but we are inside a time limit. I definitely wanna get to your take on licensing. So you started off GPL, but that sounded like because you had a dependency that was perhaps GPL back in the day. And for a long time it’s been public domain. And I think the piece in The Guardian which said basically, the subtitle was “Richard Hipp’s database is used by some of the biggest names in IT, but he has not made a penny from it”, And its whole emphasis was this aspect of you giving it away not just GPL or even LGPL, but like “This belongs to the public.” So tell us your decision behind that, and then we’ll probably take a break and then we’ll talk more about it on the other side. [] Sure. Well, just to correct The Guardian article, it was correct when it came out but, I mean, we’ve got a business built around this now. Yeah, and they didn’t mention consultancy in that. So that was 2007, but it was just… It peaked their interest, so… Yes. So when I ditched the dependency on the GPL to GDBM library and wrote my own, it was all my code at that point, and I could put whatever license I wanted in it. And I thought I wanted a much more liberal license so people could just toss this into their application and not have to worry about it. And I looked at the BSD license and I looked at the MIT license and I thought, “You know, really, what’s the point?” Why not just say, “Hey, it’s public domain” and put it out there? And that what I did. That was a little bit of a tough decision. That’s kind of letting your baby go because you’re casting it into the wind and hope that it does well. Also at the time I did not realize, having lived my whole life in the United States, which is, you know, under British common law, where the public domain is something that’s recognized. I did not realize that there were a lot of jurisdictions in the world where it’s difficult or impossible for someone to place their works in the public domain. I didn’t know. So that’s a complication. And for that reason some companies started to say, “Hey, we need to buy a license anyway”, so we made this product available. “We’ll sell you a license for SQLite.” We do our best to talk them out of it and explain they don’t need this, but for a lot of people it’s cheaper to pay the fee and get the license than it is to convince their lawyers that they don’t need one. So that’s one way that we have, you know, making a little bit of money to fund continuing development. It’s more than just a license, though, it’s also a warranty of title. The document we send them represents and warrants that all, every byte of source code is an original work that we control, it came from us. In other words, they are not bits and pieces that we just pulled off of the Internet, that might be contaminated with licenses that you don’t know about. And if you are doing a large project with potential legal exposure, you wanna make sure that you really can use this without incurring possible are lawsuits down the road. Maybe Google wishes that they had thought more about Java before they put it in the Android. They don’t want… Ten years down the road, if their product’s a big hit they don’t want somebody coming back and say, “Oh, that SQLite actually had stolen some code from us and so now you have to pay a license to us.” So just to protect their portfolio and their product, a lot of companies are eager to pay us that money. So that works well, that’s nice. It’s a nice little supplement of income so I can hire some people, and we can work full time on SQLite and not have to do other things on the side just to keep food on the table. That’s excellent. I think we wanna to drill down on that a little bit more, because you have the license, you also have an encryption, you have some extensions that you sell. Interestingly, there’s even a test harness which seems to be an annual thing. These seem to be like their products that exist because they’ve been specifically requested, right? But let’s hold that off, Richard, we do have to take our final break, and we’ll hold that for the close of the conversation. So we’ll be right back and we’ll talk money and licensing next. We’ll be right back. Alright, we are back. Richard, before the break we were talking about the public domain aspect of the project, the fact that you do sell licenses because often times it’s cheaper to buy a license than to convince your lawyers that you don’t need one. And also because public domain isn’t recognized in some provinces, which I wasn’t unaware of as well. I’m sure that one took you by surprise. As I mentioned, these seem like they’re on-demand type of things, they don’t seem like fully-fleshed out product ideas. I would be questionable if you could make a living off of what you have here. You also have some support from sponsors. Can you talk to us about all different ways that you guys stay afloat? Right. So back in 2007 when Symbian was starting to put SQLite in all their phones, they came to the same realization… At that time it was just me working on it pretty much. Dan was helping me on a part time basis. But they realized that if this is a critical part of their infrastructure, they needed to make sure my business was sustainable. So they said, “Look, Richard, you need to set up a consortium or a foundation to provide support for your developers so that you can work on it full time.” They told me they wanted to increase the bus factor of SQLite. The bus factor being the number of people who have to be hit by a bus to cause all development to stop. And they were concerned about that, because I was kind of the only person at the time. So we started working out this idea of the SQLite consortium, which would be companies that would sponsor us to keep the project going. And somehow Mitchell Baker at the Mozilla Foundation got wind of this and said, “Oh, Richard, let me show you how to do this.” And so I got with her and she really – she knows how to set this up, and we really did everything according to her specs and started the SQLite consortium. So companies which are typically large companies that really depend on SQLite as part of their product, they just pay us an annual fee. We do support them, they can always pick up the phone and an engineer will be on their site as quickly as possible if that ever comes up. But really the purpose of it is that they want to make sure that the product is sustainable, it continues to be supported and doesn’t become orphanware, because they depended on it. We charge a substantial fee, but from their point of view it’s half an engineer, so it’s cheap for them. It gives us working capital and allows us to just go and operate and really constantly improve SQLite. And based on those funds, we’ve done dramatic improvements in reliability and performance, because we have the freedom to work on it constantly all the time. So the SQLite consortium is what’s really allowed us to keep SQLite going and to keep the current and real and vibrant. [] We started working… The other products, you’re right, are a one-time thing for the most part, the encryption extension. When people buy the encryption extension, we actually just give them a password so that they can log into our version control system, and it’s forever. They can download the source code whenever they want, whenever they need it and constantly stay up to date. They don’t have to ever have to renew. We sell support contracts for people, but that’s not a big money maker. Our bread and butter is our patrons, our SQLite Consortium members. It seems to be opposite of what I would expect, though. I mean, I guess as a foundation or as a consortium you would expect at some point that… I mean, a lot of open-source businesses build themselves around some sort of support or pro version, and instead you’ve built it on the good will, and I guess that’s what the membership is really about. It’s about, as you said, a patron model versus a support-driven or support sales model or something like that. It really is more of a patron model. People have built businesses around an annual support subscription or something like that. To make that work, I think you have to have a sales staff. Yeah, and plus I wouldn’t know how to do that. One of the reasons people really like working with this is we are a 100% engineering shop. There’s no sales talk. When you talk to somebody at our company, you’re getting direct no-nonsense talk with an engineer; you’re not talking to sales people. And that’s different. And that’s not to knock the sales aspect of things. I understand that, and you have to do that in a lot of occasions, and those people work really hard, but we’re just doing it a little bit differently. You mentioned, maybe it was during the break, you quoted something from the article about how people tell me I could have made a lot of money on this if I had any business sense. And I believe them, I probably could have. By hiring some sales people, I could probably make a lot of money, get rich. But you know what, we make enough. It’s not a lot. I’m driving a 10-year-old Civic, but that’s fine. That’s all I need. You know, everybody - I’m getting off-topic - has this threshold where they get enough money. When you have nothing, you wanna make money, everybody wants that. But at some point you get enough money, so “Okay, now I have enough money, now other things become more important. Family, free time, working in the community, charities… Whatever.” And that threshold is different for different people. Some people, they don’t reach that threshold until they get into the billions, other people reach it at a few tens of thousands. Me and the people that are on the team, our thresholds are kind of low, so we’re okay. I’m not sure if you mentioned it directly, but just out of curiosity, how big is your team, your company? What type of a group of people are being supported by it? Right now we’ve got to tree other engineers working on it. Dan Kennedy, he’s Australian. He has been with me for a long time and he has written major portions of it. He’s been instrumental in doing all of the full text search and the archery and lots of other things like that. Joe Mistachkin’s in the Seattle area and he handles all the Microsoft ends of things, which is an enormous, enormous job. Then we’ve got Mike Owens, who wrote one of the books about SQLite. Right now Mike is full-time employed with somebody else and so he’s just handling our website and taking care of all of that, making sure all that work smoothly for us, but he’s still on the team. [] We did have Shane Harrelson. He’s the guy that invented the amalgamation. SQLite is delivered as a single great big source file, almost 200,000 lines of code, but that makes it really convenient to use because you’ve just got one source file that you drop into your application and compile it with the rest and then you’ve got a database engine. But we don’t edit that one great big source file, we have hundreds of individual source files and they get pulled together in just the right order to build this amalgamation. And Shane is the one who invented that force. He took a job with another company, he’s not with us anymore. We still hear from him from time to time, he’s still a big user. So that’s the whole team. It’s a small team. It’s interesting to hear who’s involved based on the fact that this is what keeps you, as you said before, employed and so SQLite having this patron model, it’s interesting to hear who’s involved. Because becoming a member, supporting this consortium is supporting those folks… …still there or not in some sort of way to kind of keep this thing do what it needs to do. Exactly. It’s been a really, really, really fun journey for us. Really, it has. We hope to keep this going for a long time. Well, since you mentioned a long time… Do you have a plan? You said in the breaks you’ve got some sort of long-term plan, but you didn’t go in the detail. What’s the plan for SQLite? What can those who use it now expect 50 years from now? Well, at some point surely some new technology is going to come along and SQLite will cease to be an important thing for new products. I don’t know when that’s going to happen - it could be next week, it could be in 20 years. I just don’t know. For example, people are really excited now about the new persistent memory that doesn’t lose power when you power down, and there are various types of that, and that could be very disruptive to the whole database industry. But because SQLite is so widely used, we expect it to be used in legacy for many, many years. A few years ago when Airbus had contacted us - they use SQLite in the A350, Avionics - they asked, “We need you to support this for the life of our airframe, which is 40 years.” So we said, “Oh sure, we’ll support it through 2050.” So we sort of set up the company with the idea that we’re going to try and keep it going through the year 2050. The expectation is that at some point the usage will begin to die down and our role will become more of just maintain legacy, but we anticipate keeping it going for another - what is that, 34 years? Why 2050? Just because it’s a nice round number? Well, that’s 40 years from the date that Airbus contacted us. And they said the life of their airframe was 40 years, so that’s where we came up with that number. That’s a big, big airplane. I don’t know if anybody’s ever seen that thing. In pictures it doesn’t do it justice, but to see it face to face… It’s ginormous. I wouldn’t imagine being the pilot flying that thing, let alone being the database powering it. [laughter] I don’t know what we do inside the – it’s the A350, not the A380 by the way. Okay, okay. That gives a little slack to you then, but that’s still big. Yeah, it’s still big. I don’t know what we do in there, I don’t think it’s in safety-critical applications. I think they use it to log maintenance activities, so that when the airplane lands, the ground crew can just get a print out of what needs to be fixed. [] Right. On that note, I mean is there any other really interesting places where this database is used? I mean, that’s something I didn’t expect to hear on this show. Is there anything else, any other places you’ve seen it used or know about its uses that’s just like, “Wow! That’s interesting.” Or even ways it’s used? You know, if you had given me a little prep, I could probably have given you a list. I hear about this stuff all the time, but nothing else comes to mind. Airbus is a pretty cool thing. That’s an on the fly question because the Airbus example threw me for a loop. I didn’t expect… I mean, I guess it would make sense, but it’s such a well-known aircraft. That’s a big deal. Sure. Bloomberg, the news agency and the biggest provider of Wall Street data in the world, all of their stuff goes through SQLite, or at least our parser. They took the front end of SQLite, the SQL parser and code generator and execution engine, and chopped off the data storage engine and include their own enterprise scale, massively concurrent, a multi data center storage engine on the backside. All of Bloomberg goes through that, which I think is pretty amazing. Since you’ve been in open source for a while, maybe you can help us kind of look back at the last couple of decades. What are some of the most interesting or biggest changes you’ve seen happen in the community, in open source, in the way software is delivered throughout the years? What are some of the most interesting things that you’ve seen happen that really got you excited about where we’re heading? Well, you know, back in the old days they didn’t call it open source. I guess it was Bruce Perens who invented that term. How long ago was that? Was that in the late ‘90s? Back in the day we were just handing a software around and we didn’t have a word for it. And so even just coming up with a word, open source, that was a huge step. I think it was Bruce Perens that came up with that, but we’d have to research it. It says that he created the open source definition. Yeah. So yeah, that was after… Linux started though Linux Kernel, so back in the ‘90s was when that happened. So that was big, and even think about when SQLite got started, we didn’t have broadband like we have today. I remember one of our early patrons was AOL and they were still sending out CD-ROMs to your mailbox that you get online for what? $5 a month or something, with your dial-up modem. That’s the way the world rolled when this whole thing started. We lose sight of how much the world has just changed in this past 10 years. Now everybody has broadband, it’s taken for granted. Now, everybody has a cell phone. When SQLite first came out there were cell phones, but we didn’t have the smartphones that you have today. Right. That’s still a lot to think about that. I was just on a separate podcast being interviewed, and I was in retrospect talking about how the iPhone was the very first cell phone I’ve ever owned, because I grew up not very well off, I grew up poor. So to finally make enough money to own a cell phone, I actually worked for people to get a cell phone then rather than buy my own, so I just sort of leveraged that as long as I could. You know, I guess I was just sort hedging my best against it, but man, you know, it’s crazy to think about when cell phones became prolific, that’s an interesting fact there. [] Yeah, and the iPhone just revolutionized the world. Its design, the fact that you had the complete screen, it had the LCD covering the whole screen - that was a radical idea at the time I saw. I was able to see some of their early prototypes of android phones and they all looked like BlackBerrys with a little tiny screen at the top and a great big keyboard. But when the iPhone came out, that all changed. So now everybody has a smartphone, it’s ubiquitous, everybody has broadband, Wi-Fi’s everywhere, and this has opened up a communications revolution. It’s really easy to go online and download whatever code you want, it’s really easy to search. We have Google, and people take Google for granted, but you just type things into your search engine and you can find whatever you want instantly. Twenty years ago you couldn’t do that at all, and that has completely changed the world. But we do it so much every day that we now take it for granted. I guess since we have you thinking about the future to a degree, because you’re [\] and you’ve probably got a long list of things that you’re really interested in, I’m curious… We have a couple closing questions we tend to ask on this show. Sometimes we omit them when we run out of time, but I figured that this one at least is a good fit for you. So the question is “What’s on your open-source radar?” but you can frame it however you like. It can be a technology radar. You know, given your expansive history, you may rather just write it yourself rather than use somebody else’s, but for that odd day that you want to use someone else’s stuff, what’s on your radar that you would like to play with if you had a free weekend and you didn’t have to do anything with SQLite? I wrote the version-control system Fossil and I learned a lot about version control with that. I’d really like to try the follow-on system that improves upon it and is kind of a Git killer. And I’ve sketched out a design, but have had no time to work on it. I’ve often said that email - it’s everywhere, everybody depends on it, but setting up an email system is really hard, and the world needs a really simple-to-use email system that you just drop in place and it just works. That would be fun to work on. I would definitely see something like that. You’re the right kind of person to do that because one, you’re not afraid to just jump into a place where you’re not exactly the database guy as you’ve said before, so you’re comfortable being in a touchy territory. And it’s true, because everyone leans on some sort of cloud service to do it. Everyone I know somehow leverages either Gmail or Gmail for Businesses, Google for Businesses or whatever, and that’s the way to do it. There’s a lot of people who are ruling their own solution using Ansible or something like that that. They’re using somebody else’s known ways of doing things to deliver something that’s their own solution to the server. But I would agree with that, however I have zero technical ability to follow you there, but I will be a user. I will be a user for sure. Well, I’ve been saying that for years. I haven’t found those free cycles to do that yet. So, Jerod, he also said something else that peaked my interest for the future show that we’ll have with him on Fossil, he said “Git killer.” Can you believe he said that? Git has done a lot of good, but I mean look at it, Git is the version-control system that everybody loves to hate. I have an extensive collection of people ranting against how awful Git is. And truth, they’re mostly right and yet we continued to use it. That amazes me. I don’t understand why that is. There are better alternatives that exist today and it’s not hard to design things that are way better than anything that exists today. It’s just a matter of sitting down and spending a month or two and writing the code. [] So answer this for me then… We’re not gonna talk deeply about Fossil now because that’s a future show, but to tee up some sort of teaser or interest, is Fossil in its current form a Git killer or can it be given, like you said, the month or two months of additional work to kind of get there and just sit down focusing on it? Is it ready to be that now? No, in my opinion Fossil is better than Git, but the difference is not enough to overcome the additional learning curve of learning a new system that’s slightly different. So it’s just an incremental improvement, it’s not a disruptive improvement. And I think to really overcome… Because Git has huge, huge traction now. Everybody uses it. We have GitHub. In order to overcome that incredible installed base, you’ve got to have something that is revolutionary. Well, I mean even Mercurial has had this problem, right? I mean, Facebook gave it the best name brand to as a social proof mechanism to get people to switch, and yet no one’s switching in droves. It’s a hard problem, and I’ve got a list of features I think that would go a long way toward getting to the Git killer, but it’s just a matter of sitting down and implementing them, and that takes time, and something like a version-control system really has to be right, because if it messes up and you lose source code people get really upset. Yes, yes definitely. Well, that’s definitely a teaser for a future show on Fossil, but I guess before we close is there anything else you want to mention before we tail out? No, I think we’ve covered a lot of stuff. You know, we could talk for days on SQLite about technical aspects, but in a one-hour show I think we’ve covered a lot of ground. Well, it’s certainly interesting to hear your entrance into software development technology. I hope the listeners can appreciate how pivotal that kind story is to have on this show. It’s so interesting too to have someone like yourself with such deep and rich history, and also unafraid to just not use what’s there and write your own. That to me is pretty interesting, so to live up to that and be inspired by that and share that back with all the listeners who love this show, that’s so awesome. I thank you and Jerod thanks you of course too for your time to come on this show and share that. Then also what you do with giving back in public domain and all the things we covered on the show, that’s phenomenal. So we’ll leave it there. Thank you for having me. You all have been great, I really appreciate it. Well, fantastic. Listeners, you know we love you. Thank you so much for listening to this; members who support us, you’re phenomenal; our sponsors, we love you. Fellas, that’s it for this show, so let’s say goodbye. Our transcripts are open source on GitHub. Improvements are welcome. 💚 [ comments ]

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