#obv nothing quite like what happened to him happened to me (this is a spoiler free vent post thank you) but still

[depresseddepot]

finished how not to die alone by richard roper and I have Thoughts but all of them put me on the verge of tears

#the way I understood andrew perfectly. the weight of a lie that has snowballed and the grief behind it #obv nothing quite like what happened to him happened to me (this is a spoiler free vent post thank you) but still #that one line in the beginning still fucking haunts me #it was like #''after a long day andrew sits in his dark room and talks to his friends on the forum. this is everything he was waiting for.'' #''this is everything.'' #(obv written better but i can only fit so much in a tag) #THE DOUBLE MEANING BEHIND THAT #he is content and relaxed to be home and alone and able to indulge in his interests. but that is all he has #im going to fucking vomit #that book caught me off guard so many times and each one felt like i was being killed #richard roper. shaking you and shaking you and shaking you #i said spoiler free so it will remain spoiler free #but something about andrew's anxiety and regret and absolutely fucking horrendously suppressed grief hits way too close to home #the subtle signs of autism and the even subtler signs of repressed trauma beneath that. fucking christ #books with messages like this always make me nervous though #(the message being something akin to ''just do it'' and ''the longer you wait the more time you're wasting'') #and like. yes the message has good intentions but im a fucked up 20 year old who gets EXPONENTIALLY more suicidal #when i begin to think that i will be left behind because i adjust too slowly for everything else #haha! crying now #will abandon these tags post haste #anyway i liked it a lot. 9/10

[descendinginto-madness]

you're safe now.

word count: 878

content warnings: mentions & descriptions of injury

summary: the aftermath of a mission gone... not so right.

author's notes: taking a small break from ocs. just for a little through don't get used to it 😋 alsoooo obv i can't control how peope interpret my work but just keep in mind i didn't write this with a romantic ship in mind 🫶

contains mild spoilers for dan heng's lore

“You should be more careful,” Dan Heng says, sitting next to Stelle on the edge of her bed with a first aid kit. She rolls her eyes, and he lets out a heavy sigh. “You know I'm right.”

“I'm always careful,” she replies, almost annoyed, and he raises his eyebrows but doesn't say anything to that. Instead he simply moves a bit closer. Stelle has already taken off her hoodie, making it easier for him to access a fairly big cut on her arm; it's unfortunately not the only injury she came back with from the mission, but the most serious one - from what Dan Heng could see - and it makes him a bit relieved that there's nothing more serious or harder to treat. 

“Show me,” he asks, and she pulls away the now bloodied piece of cloth she was pressing against the wound. The Vidyadhara takes a moment to look at the cut, before he proceeds to clean it; he doesn't hesitate with his movements, but he's also gentle, careful not to cause Stelle more pain. 

He finishes cleaning the excess blood and bits of dirt that got into the cut, and turns away for a moment to grab the disinfectant.

“It might sting a little,” he warns, but when the only reaction he gets from Stelle is a nod, he realizes that something is not quite right.

There's no snarky or slightly unhinged remark, just silence; she has been awfully quiet for the past few minutes, and if that wasn't enough Dan Heng also notices her face looks pale, and his eyebrows furrow slightly.

“Are you alright?” he asks.

“Yeah?” She looks back at him, seemingly slightly surprised by the question.

“Not feeling faint or anything like that? You look pale.” He doesn't let it show in his voice, but there's concern starting to grow inside him. What if her injuries are worse than what he initially thought? What if there is some more serious wound that she has been hiding from him up until now? Or what if the Stellaron decided to sabotage her body again and she’s feeling sick? 

He goes on to disinfect the wound carefully, trying to make it seem like everything's fine. It's better not to freak Stelle out… Or give her a reason to tease him again.

She does neither of that, though.

“Do I?” she just asks, and then shakes her head. “No, I'm fine. Don't worry about it.”

There's a “but”, he can sense it, but it doesn't seem like she's going to continue, and Dan Heng isn't sure how to make her talk. It's painfully obvious to him that there is something weighing on her mind, but he doesn't know how to approach it. He sighs quietly; sometimes, just sometimes, he wishes the Vidyadhara powers included mind reading - that way, maybe he could make some use of them.

As he reaches for the bandages, though, he suddenly realizes something.

He remembers how he found Stelle - in a dead end, backed into a wall, bloodied and dirty and clearly exhausted, trying to ward off three monsters at once. He remembers the look on her face; it was determination, but also fear, and it turned into relief only after she finally spotted him.

When he begins wrapping the bandage around her arm he asks yet another question, but this time his voice is softer.

“Still thinking about what happened?” 

He has to wait a few seconds for a response; once again, it's a nod.

“Yeah,” she admits, her voice similarly quiet. She's silent for a bit more, as if she was thinking about whether she really should say anything more. “...Sorry,” she finally adds. “You're right. I should be more careful, if I was then—”

“Stelle,” he interrupts her. She looks up at him, and their eyes meet. “Do you think I'm angry at you?”

“Maybe?” she laughs, but he notices her eyes are a bit more glossy than usual. 

“Then you should know that I'm not,” he says. He finishes bandaging her arm and gently takes her hands to examine them; thankfully, there seem to be no injuries there. “I might get annoyed, but I'm not actually angry, okay?” he asks.

“But… I don't know,” she says. “It’s just… It was scary? I don't know.” Her eyes wander back down, to the ground, and the look on Dan Heng's face softens. “If you didn't show up…”

“I know,” he replies. It's… Oddly painful to see Stelle like this, so unlike herself. This entire thing seems to have affected her more than he initially thought, and it makes him feel guilty for not noticing it sooner. At the same time, he feels odd being the one to comfort her right now - March is definitely way better at this than him - but… He supposes that this one time, he won't mind. But that obviously means he can't leave her with only two words, so he speaks again. 

“I can imagine this was quite scary, but it's done now, right?” he adds. “You're here, and you're safe, and that's the most important thing.”

She's quiet for a moment, but, eventually, she nods.

“...Right,” she says, and he's glad to see than when she smiles this time, it doesn't look forced anymore. 

#angstpril2024 #honkai star rail #fanfiction #day11 #no way out #hsr #stelle #dan heng #tw injury #dim writing ☁️

[cult-of-the-eye]

Me coming to your inbox to ask about your horror comics like

FUCK YEAH!!!

ok pov you see me, in need of some good sustenance during the tmagp hiatus, in a unbecoming fit of nostalgia, i redownload webtoon.

webtoon reminds me of the days when things were simpler, when i didn't know what arc sin was let alone the fact that i would have to be able to draw it one day. but i've changed since then, the cutesy romances i was super into don't interest me as much anymore so what do i do? i start in the horror/thriller section.

ok so there are 3 that have gripped my brain and refuse to let go

(major spoilers obvs, tw for mentions of rape, sexual assault, violence, mental health issues, mental hospitals)

Silent Screams:

oh my GOD

this was nothing like i thought this would be

like the description thingy was giving finding a way out of being kidnapped vibes

but in reality it was SO MUCH DEEPER THAN THAT

i didn't realise it would be set in like the 19th century, so that was another cool thing as well

basically there's this guy named theo

he has really bad anger issues and he's super attached to his mum (✨mommy issues✨)

we find out that his mum got raped when she was 14 and had theo as a result, so they spent most of their lives struggling to get by

on top of that, the mum has some kind of chronic illness

theo is insanely protective of his mum and suspicious of men, he regularly gets into fights, especially with his mum's best friend who he doesn't trust

then his mum meets and falls in love with a doctor, who seems to be quite sweet, little bit nervous, like his feelings for her are genuine

but it's clear that my bro has other stuff going on, he's got an assistant guy who keeps reminding him to "stay on task" etc etc

(it feels very manipulative, like the line between master and assistant has been blurred, the doctor thinks he's in charge and calling the shots but the assistant is subtly manipulating him to do what he wants while letting the doctor think he is still in charge)

but yeah, they get married and theo and his mum is shipped off to a wonderful new wealthy lifestyle

but theo hates this guy, he knows that he's making his mum happy for now but he just doesn't trust it, especially the fact that he's also the mum's doctor, he already has a lot of power over her

also the doctor makes it clear that theo's attitude must be improved, to fit into their new high society life

so we open with the day before theo's 19th birthday

he's scared away yet another tutor due to his bad attitude (even though he technically is getting high marks)

and his step dad (who he is forced to call father) is not happy with him

it's clear from the get go that the doctor HATES theo, this is very much not a good relationship and theo hates the doctor as well

the doctor thinks theo's attitude is hurting the mum, theo thinks the doctor is putting too much pressure on him and is causing a rift between him and his mum (again, mommy issues)

anyway, the doctor tells theo that the mum had gone to town for a day, which theo finds highly suspicious cause like 1. she's ill how would she do that by herself and 2. she wouldn't leave the day before theo's birthday

the next day, the mum still hasn't returned, theo is obviously devastated

the maid attempts to cheer him up, which sort of works before she goes to the doctor's study to clean

what does she find in the doctor's study? a secret passage way.

what happens to her directly after she finds said secret passage way? she is hit over the head with a lamp and killed

theo comes running to find the maid dead and also (say it with me folks) gets hit over the head with a lamp

but not killed

he wakes up chained to like a prison cell in the basement

he is not doing well

but at least he was right! the doctor was evil!

so theo finds out that his mum is dead and the doctor has something to do with that death

but also that the doctor blames theo for the mum's death

(we find out later that the doctor accidentally gives the mum the wrong dose of medicine, so she passes out and hits her head, bleeding to death. the assistant encourages him to blame theo cause theo and the doctor had had an argument beforehand, which must've caused him to be distracted right)

then, theo wakes up to find his vocal chords have been cut - he cannot scream or make any noise

he is terrified, but he realises that the doctor sort of does have some weird freudian attachment to him because theo looks so much like the mum

so every night he whistles the tune that his mum used to play and the doctor sits in front of the cage and listens

one day he goes to wake up theo but can't so he panics and does what?

kisses him

HUH??? i hear you say. WHAT? and i agree

he then nearly sexually assaults him, until he flashes back to his own dad sexually assaulting him and is like OH WHAT THE FUCK WAS I ABOUT TO DO

(freud would have a FIELD DAY)

and then the assistant is like bro what about our work stop being weird about ur stepson

and then he's like oh yeah

so he sedates theo and then gives him a lobotomy

however, theo wakes up midway through the surgery, so it doesn't work

it turns out they wanted to make a human puppet that they could experiment on for medical reasons

as it happens, theo is normal for some of the time, but other times turns into a mindless puppet

the doctor is very annoyed and goes back to blaming him for the mum's death

and thus, ships him off to a mental hospital.

and that's where i got up to so far

#do you get it #do you see why i am brainrotting over it #it is so twisted and messed up #but in such an addictive way #i just #AHHHH #i'll tell you about the rest in a different post cause this was way longer than i thought it would be #hehe #thanks for asking <3333 #love u forever #answered asks #horror comics

[rollercoasterwords]

same anon who is fretting left and right abt r and s and everyone else ;_; i love having ur insight and thank u kindly for the long answer…. exactly what i wanted *evil laughter* but i have a follow up!

this might be too far into spoiler territory tho…. another Painful element of this beautiful fic is the lack of love between s and j it’s KILLING MEEEE (as always in the best way) not seeing them as they usually are… will we ever get any s+j friendship crumbs? or is this just not possible within the world you’ve created? i trust ur Vision either way i’m just gnawing at the bars of my prison cell thinking about the possibilities…..

hmmm yeah i feel like i can’t really talk abt like. what’s going 2 happen w them without getting too spoilery (although my usual like…wip policy applies here lol if you absolutely want them 2 be friends stop reading if u absolutely don’t want them 2 be friends stop reading be ready 4 it 2 go either way etc) but! i can talk a bit abt like. how james currently feels where we’re at in the fic & how his feelings have changed

what i've been trying 2 do w j + s in this fic is like. well clearly they hated each other at the beginning bc s sees this arrogant pigheaded order soldier whereas j sees this entitled foolish d.e. & that starting animosity is pretty intense, although it's a bit more personal 4 s--j is like. one of the first order members he's knowingly met + becomes kind of his warden in a way so he pretty specifically hates j whereas for j s is just one of many d.e. he's encountered before so he doesn't really hold a grudge in the same way once they start working together, although he also isn't quick 2 trust s bc unlike his brother s didn't join the order of his own accord (obv. reg didn't exactly join of his own accord, either, but that's pretty much how j sees it).

so when they do actually start working together j is like. well this guy's gotta prove himself if he wants me 2 trust him but once s does start proving himself he's pretty willing 2 put the old animosity aside, and he views s as part of their team--hence him risking his life 2 go back & save s, etc. s, on the other hand, is holding a personal grudge & specifically does not like j so even when j starts acting a bit friendlier towards him he's still like. hmph. bc while j is like "oh holding u prisoner was nothing personal obviously it was just what we had 2 do 4 the order" for s it was very much personal! lol

anyway despite the grudge etc. they do both mutually begin 2 realize that they have certain key similarities--specifically, the fact that they both feel responsible for the people they care about & would do pretty much anything 2 protect them, even if it's something those people wouldn't want them to do. so when we reach this point where they need 2 break into the dept. of mysteries, they both end up reaching the same conclusion abt how they're going 2 have 2 do that, and realizing that they've both reached that same conclusion kind of bolsters that mutual respect they're developing 4 each other. so there's sort of this truce struck while they're planning s's obliviation, where they still aren't friends exactly & probably wouldn't go so far as 2 say they like each other, but they're also like...the only people who can kind of understand what the other one is going thru + sacrificing (as in the convo in the james pov where s says 'they're all gonna hate us,' etc), and in a way it's nice 2 have someone who understands u in a way the others can't...also s going thru w this whole plan has made j respect him a lot more & view them as much more similar in terms of both being practical (and ruthless) enough 2 place larger goals above their own well-being + being willing 2 do things that will make their loved ones hate them as long as it keeps those loved ones safe. so j's feelings towards s have obviously changed quite a bit! of course now s has no idea who j is so. suppose maybe he'll have a chance 2 make a better first impression next time around lol

#ask #wfrau

[fizzingwizard]

Unexpectedly had a chance to catch up on Lupin zero! spoilers!

For fairness I watched episode one again. Overall my opinion didn't change. It's still a lot of fun, good characterization, so-so animation, and too fast-paced. I did enjoy it more this time though, having a better idea of what to expect. The lowest point for me is definitely the sudden bout of openness and emotion between Lupin and Jigen in the gun fight. It's not that I don't like their conversation, it just doesn't feel justified yet. But it's there to frame the short series.

Episode two was also fun and not quite as fast-moving. It put a bit of distance between Lupin and Jigen which I definitely think was needed. Then, when they had become better friends by the end of the episode, it felt earned. And it was just quite a fun train episode. Nothing earth-shaking, but Lupin-like fun. Like episode one, when it came to the climax a lot of things just kind of happened or were explained rather too easily, but hey, now I'm just nitpicking.

Episode three was my favorite so far. Which is a surprise because through it I kept thinking "this reminds me of Other Anime which did the same thing but better." XD But the reason is just that I was really, REALLY happy to see "how did lupin iii become lupin iii?" come into play. Everything in this show is hinging on how they handle that question. This was great because we got to see a little bit of how Lupin thinks of his grandpa (sleazeball), and we got a better idea of how skilled Lupin himself currently is. I admit, when he's walking backwards up the stairs monologuing to trick the other contestants, I initially was happy when one of the others seemed to get the drop on him - I thought, finally, we're getting a reason for making Lupin so young! He's not as skilled yet! But then, of course, he did actually anticipate that and came out on top anyway. Sooo nevermind :P But it didn't actually bug me at all because the whole episode gave us such a great view of Lupin and his grandfather's relationship. Lupin being able to beat his challenge was a part of that. As was his dad showing up - I'm sure Lupin's feelings about him are even more complicated so I'm looking forward to that. Right now I think he's going to be a complex character, but not a bad guy... We'll see.

(Can't not mention the weirdness of looking up your own dad's skirt when he's in disguise as a woman and you don't know it's him... x'D)

So yeah, episode three finally gave me some things I really needed to see more solidly, and I'm so happy about that. Also the appearance of what appears to be Albert?? was so unexpected! I didn't think this show was connected to any other Lupin canon (a term I use very loosely lol). So that's kind of cool? I can only assume we'll see Albert again, but I won't share any theories since I'm too likely to be wrong haha.

I still don't reeeeeally know why Lupin and Jigen needed to be THAT young to do this series. I expected it would mean 1) they're less experienced, and/or 2) they goof off more. But I think it's gotta be difficult when you're de-aging an adult character who is also a genius. They don't want to commit to making him too child-like, but in the end, he does just feel more or less the same as adult Lupin. Jigen too obvs. But, once again, nitpicking. They look adorable. That's the important part inn'it? lol

One more thing: I was curious in episode two when Jigen says he can't quite understand what's going on in Lupin's head. Because that's what I think too. It's hard to tell when he's genuine and when he's acting. Which is pretty in character, so that's cool. I wonder if it's something which will come up again though. Right now we've got a Lupin who really hasn't done all the much thief-like... he's much more the superhero. But if he's too good, it makes what's going on in his head less interesting, so I'm wondering/hoping they'll do something to make him more chaotic neutral, I guess. Well, that's up to people's taste, I like him that way but I'm sure others prefer chaotic good. He's often written that way as well. The point is he can do anything he wants, he doesn't have to be a thief all the time if he'd rather rescue a damsel in distress. But let's just see him being a thief as well as rescuing damsels, you know, for balance ^^ It seems like maybe next episode might show us his more conniving side...

#lupin iii #lupin zero

[favefandomimagines]

Give Me A Reason to Stay (b.b.)

Summary: the battle is over, you can finally breathe. but will bucky give you a reason to stay with him in Louisiana? 

AN: inspired by the finale of tfaws! so potential spoilers and obvs i’m gonna include some angst (stark!reader)

You finally caught a moment to breathe after what felt like years of fighting. After so long of going from one disaster to the next, you could finally stop and pause. Actually enjoy life for once. 

Since your father died, you never stopped moving. Being CFO of Stark Industries, helping Wanda escape the authorities after her grief induced episode and then Sam and Bucky called you for help. It never seemed to stop. 

But, after Karli died and the rest of the Flag Smashers gone, you could take your well deserved pause. At least for a little while before your inherited work called. 

Sam invited you to come to his home town in Louisiana for a celebration of sorts and you couldn’t say no. Him telling you that Bucky was going to be there was also a selling point. 

You and Bucky had a complicated history. You helped Sam and Steve stop him and HYDRA and then went on the manhunt for him. Even after finding out he killed your grandparents, you were still there. You understood that it wasn’t Bucky’s mind, just his body. You were there in Wakanda and helped set him free from his trigger words. 

But nothing ever progressed from the stolen looks, the longing glances and the quick touches. The amount of times Bucky Barnes saved your life and threatened others who tried to hurt you, you thought he felt something for you. But the nagging feeling in the back of your head told you that you were wrong. 

At the celebration, the many neighborhood kids were gathered around you as you created stars in your hands, almost like your own personal galaxy. The kids thought it was magic and you rather liked that perspective on your powers. 

Bucky and Sam were talking with Sarah and some other neighbors but Bucky couldn’t focus on the conversation when he was too busy watching you. 

Your smile was so wide that he thought it could light up a city block. You looked genuinely happy, a look he hadn’t seen on you in a long time. It was refreshing and your happiness made him happy. 

“You’re being creepy.” Sam commented, nudging the super soldier. “What?” Bucky asked. “You’re staring.” Sam said. “I-I was not staring.” He stammered. “You so were. Just tell her how you feel already. I can assure you she feels the same way.” Sam told him. “I can’t just tell her.” Bucky rebutted. “Yes, yes you can. What are you afraid of?” Sam asked.

The 106 year-old man paused for a moment as he continued to stare at you. “I can’t be the one that causes her more pain.” He said. Sam furrowed his eyebrows at Bucky’s answer. “She’s been through too much already. Losing Natasha, watching her father die, the nightmares she has. I’m not back to myself yet and I can’t cause her anymore pain.” Bucky explained. 

The conversation was cut short when you approached the two men. “I’m so sorry, Sam. Pepper just called and said the donors are pulling out of the eco-friendly power source project we’re working on. She needs my help fixing it.” You told them. 

“Do you really have to go?” Sam asked. “Unfortunately. Pepper says she can do it on her own, she did it before I was old enough but since my name is still attached to the company, I have to go. Board meeting at 9 tomorrow.” You explained. “I’ll go grab Sarah, she’s going to insist on giving you leftovers to take.” Sam said, giving you a nice smile. 

You turned to Bucky who was very quiet since you walked over. “So, you’re really going back?” He asked you. “Yeah. Unless you give me a reason to stay.” You answered honestly. And rather boldly.

Bucky wanted to say something so bad. He wanted to tell you that he loved you and wanted you to stay with him there but the words didn’t come out. And if he was already feeling bad before, the look on your face broke his heart. 

You gave him a tight lipped smile, a small head nod before you walked away from him. He watched as you slapped a fake smile on, say goodbye to Sarah and Sam before leaving the party rather quickly. 

“What the happened with Y/N?” Sarah asked approaching Bucky. “Nothing. She just had to go.” Bucky lied. Sam saw right through it obviously. Something had happened between you and Bucky and he was determined to find out and play cupid. 

“What really happened?” Sam asked. “She asked me to give her a reason to stay. And I didn’t say anything.” Bucky answered. “Come on, man. You love her, she loves you. Y/N wouldn’t give you the time of day if she couldn’t handle your baggage. You need each other more than you want to admit, Buck.” Sam said.

Bucky sighed and cursed himself for letting you go. “Okay, what do I do?” He asked. “Go to New York. Pull a rom-com move and crash that board meeting and tell her that you love her.” Sam answered.

And Bucky did just that. He got on the first flight to New York and came up with a whole speech in his head for what he was going to say to you.

He made it at the nick of time and was surprised he still had security clearance to the building. When he arrived to the correct floor, he saw Pepper standing in the hallway.

“Bucky, I didn’t expect to see you here.” She said to him. “Where’s Y/N? I need to talk to her.” Bucky said. “She’s in the conference room, preparing for the meeting.” Pepper answered.

Bucky practically ran to the conference room and almost broke down the door.

“B-Bucky?” You questioned. “I love you, Y/N. You asked me to give you a reason to stay and I was scared. Scared that I’d cause you more pain and you don’t deserve that after what you’ve been through. But I can’t deny that I love you anymore.” Bucky confessed.

You were at a loss for words, not really expecting a love confession from Bucky Barnes. “You love me?” You questioned quietly. “Yes. I love you.” He said. “Come back to Louisiana with me. We can start over, have the life we both deserve. Or, I can come back here and you can still help Pepper run Stark Industries. I don’t care as long as I get a chance at a life with you.” Bucky added.

“You really mean that?” You asked. “I really do mean that.” He answered. He watched you intently as you processed everything Bucky had just told you.

You looked down at your presentation notes before you picked them up and folded the papers in half. “Friday, can you bring Pepper into the conference room please?” You asked the AI. “Of course, Ms. Stark.” It said.

You and Bucky waited in a tension filled silence when the door opened. “What’s going on?” Pepper asked. “I think it’s time I sign those papers.” You told her.

Pepper smiled widely at you, happy that you were choosing yourself over the company for once. “It’s about time.” She commented. “I’ll go get them drawn up.” She added before leaving the room.

“Wait what papers?” Bucky asked. “I’m giving every aspect of the company to Pepper. I’ll no longer be listed as an executive for Stark Industries. Which means, I can go anywhere I want for as long as I want.” You explained.

“You mean-“ Bucky started. “I’m going to Louisiana with you. For however long you’ll have me.” You interjected. Bucky laughed lightly as he made his way over to you, cupped your face in his hands and kissed you deeply.

It was a feeling you both had been waiting for and it was one that was definitely worth the wait. You had been putting off your personal life out of fear it wouldn’t work but now you just wanted to be with each other. No matter what happens down the line.

“And if it wasn’t obvious, I love you too.” You said once you parted. “I’d hope so, doll.” Bucky replied.

—

You and Bucky approached the large gathering of people with food in your hands, saying your hellos and giving out hugs and handshakes.

“There you two are! I was wondering if you’d ever show!” Sam scolded you two. “What do you expect? We’re newlyweds.” You laughed. “And it’s about damn time it happened too.” Sarah commented.

You sat down at the picnic table, Bucky resting his flesh hand on your thigh. You stared down at the ring on your finger quite fondly and thought of your dad. Hoping he’d be proud of letting the company go three years ago and living your life to its fullest.

“Aunt Y/N! Can we see the stars again?” Cass asked with all of his friends behind him. “Can’t say no to a future leading astronomer now can I?” You teased the boy. You got up from the table and stood a few feet away, creating the stars with your hands like you had years prior.

Again, Bucky watched you fondly but this time he wasn’t pining after you, hoping he’d build the courage to tell you how he felt. He was watching you as his wife and as his future.

“You really do love her, don’t you?” Sam asked. “Yeah. I really do.” Bucky answered, a smile adorning his face. “You’re going to be amazing parents.” Sarah added. “Parents?” Bucky questioned. “Oh no she hasn’t told you yet.” Sarah said, standing up from the table.

“Is Y/N,” Bucky started. “Am I what?” You asked. Bucky turned to you and rose from his seat so he could stand eye to eye with you. “Are you pregnant?” He asked.

You looked behind him and glared at Sarah before staring back at Bucky. “Yeah, yeah I am. You’re gonna be dad James Bucky Barnes.” You told him with a watery smile.

Just the thought of bringing a child into the world with Bucky made you more emotional than you thought possible.

“I’m gonna be a dad?” Bucky questioned. You nodded your head and Bucky scooped you up in his arms and if felt like everything was falling into place.

After 109 years of not having an ounce of peace or feeling as if he was a monster and a burden, he was getting the life he had always dreamed of. And he got to do it all with you.

#imagine #imagines #marvel imagine #marvel #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan #tony stark #sam wilson

[ruiyuki]

"Vanitas": The Name and Legacy

Vanitas declares early on that his motive for using the Book of Vanitas to save vampires of the Red Moon is to take "revenge against the Vampire of the Blue Moon". But some of his actions, reactions and expressions seem to contradict a conventional interpretation of "revenge". Seeing how MochiJun is a master of conveying things through facial expressions, nondescript panels, and double meanings, here's my stab at trying to figure out a bit of Vanitas' complexity and his (??hidden??) motives.

⚠️⚠️⚠️ MANGA SPOILERS, obv ⚠️⚠️⚠️

Also this analysis is really long. ‼Continuation in reblogs.‼

For the sake of minimizing confusion I'm going to refer to our!Vanitas as "Vani", Vampire of the Blue Moon (VotBM) as "Luna", and the name "Vanitas"/"Vanitas of the Blue Moon" as a title in this analysis.

0. "Revenge" against the VotBM

Now, what kicked me into this train of thought initially was watching the scene where Vani announces his revenge plot to all during the Bal Masque. Ofc Bones is doing quite a good job with the anime (I can honestly forgive them for leaving out some scenes knowing budget constraints and that this was probably produced during COVID; it's just more reason to get viewers to read the manga) but there are still some subtle nuances that MochiJun puts in her work that don't get translated into the adaptation. So I revisited Memoire 7 and something just didn't sit right upon looking at that scene retrospectively – which I'll get to that in a bit – but first let me recap what is my interpretation of Vani's proclamation:

The origin story we were told at the start of the series illustrates that vampires are typically born under the Red Moon, except for the one born under the Blue Moon. VotBM, given the moniker "Vanitas of the Blue Moon" by others at the time, is said to have created the Book of Vanitas capable of manipulating the World Formulas in order to curse all the RM vampires that casted them out of vampire society. Cursing the RM vampires = turning them into curse-bearers inflicted with malnomen.

Vani's "revenge" against the VotBM is to use their name "Vanitas" and the Book to cure all RM vampires of their curses and malnomen. In that sense, Vani saving the vampires is directly opposing the vow to curse all RM vampires as told in the VotBM origin story.

Vani's revenge claim seems pretty straight forward. There is nothing of the sort as to claiming he will turn the vampires into humans, or rewrite their existence into something they are not, etc. It is literally just "I will heal you from your sickness out of spite towards the thing that wants you to suffer". His feral revenge proclamation on top of the chandelier lines up with his feral "I will save you no matter what, using whatever method I choose" at the end of Memoire 1 as Noé points out:

So here's the thing that felt a little out of place upon my rereading of Memoire 7:

This panel. Idk about you but as a long time reader of Pandora Hearts, imo one thing that makes MochiJun such a talented artist and great storyteller of plot twists and angst is how she depicts emotions in facial expressions – it is very subtle with a certain finesse. With the above panel, Vani's expression doesn't necessarily look like "anger" or "vengeance" to me. Rather (and it took me a while to place it actually, flipping back and forth between newer and older chapters) his expression looks... melancholic? Melancholy with sense of conviction.

It's noteworthy that MochiJun has made an intentional choice to emphasize Vani gripping his closed fist and his distant stare here, so it has to be important. So, what could Vani be thinking of in this moment? And why?

I. Vani's hidden expressions and feelings towards Luna

To (attempt to) figure out what might be going through Vani's mind in this moment, let's take a look at some moments we've seen Vani making different expressions and when he's thinking back to the VotBM – or really, his time with Luna. Vani claims he hates vampires, but there are obvious exceptions (Jeanne, Noé). What's interesting though is that, despite claiming to hate the VotBM, I don't think he hates Luna. He may hate the being that Luna is but I don't think he hates Luna as a person.

We can see the difference between his hatred and active desire to kill Moreau, as well as his completely blank, no-remorse kinda expression toward the Chasseur's cross in the Catacombes arc vs the above panel after his revenge proclamation:

Also contrast the above chandelier expression to Vani's empty look of distain in Dante's flashback when they first meet:

I would say none of these Vani expressions look very similar to the chandelier one — the empty or blank stares are missing a sense of resolve and the teeth-gritting smirk lacks any bit of sadness felt in the scene. Now, when do we ever see Vani make another expression of what I would call melancholy?

Ughghgh these panels break my heart every time bc there is such a sense of sadness, it's distant but palpable and it is t r a g i c... but I digress.

We have no way of knowing what Vani is thinking in these panels but I have a few ideas:

Vani thinks back to something Luna said about how one should use the Book of Vanitas when Noé says using the Book's power to cure curse-bearers is "overwhelmingly right". What Luna said? Who knows, but it may be along the same lines of "despite its power" and "doing the right thing".

Vani realizes the reason Misha wants Noé to drink his blood is bc Misha doesn't remember what happened That Day. He repeats "... I see." twice as if he's reaffirming to himself that he's the only one left that remembers what happened. If Misha did remember, there would be another person to share the memory but Misha doesn't and Vani is alone in the world in that sense.

If we are to assume that this is what's going through Vani's mind in these moments, then we have to ask why? Vani thinking back to his time with Misha and Luna elicits this sadness (possibly likely?) bc Vani did truly enjoy his time with them and didn't actually hate Luna. In his own flashbacks of Luna teaching he and Misha about malnomen (first being Malnomen Prèdateur in the Catacombes arc, second of Chloé's Malnomen Millie) and the flashback of "love" during the Gevaudan Arc, we see that Vani may be grumpy or indifferent while being with Luna, but he is still attentively listening and comfortable enough around them for them to hug him:

Ofc, we can't forget that Vani, in his fever and poison-induced delirium, even mumbles to himself ".. didn't actually hate... I didn't... Lou..—" while recovering in the cabin with Jeanne. Given that just before this he asks "Is that what you really want? Truly?" in response to Jeanne saying "This time for sure, I'll kill the beast", perhaps we can even posit that Vani didn't actually hate Luna and didn't actually want to kill them? (I have another theory on what could have happened on That Day but let's get through this one first *wheeze*).

So let's summarize:

Vani claims he will cure RM vampires of their malnomen as revenge toward the VotBM, who is said to have created the Book of Vanitas to curse RM vampires that made them an outcast.

Curing RM vampires of malnomen = revenge since it is directly opposing using the Book to inflict curses

But Vani shows a look of sadness mixed with conviction that contradicts what would be thought of when claiming "revenge", which could possibly be him thinking back to his time with Luna, whom he did not actually hate and possibly did not want to kill but had to anyway.

So here's my theory: the reason why Vani has assumed the name "Vanitas" and is on a quest to cure RM vampires of their malnomen with the Book of Vanitas is to "rewrite" the reputation behind the name Vanitas of the Blue Moon.

... And I will continue explaining this in the reblogs ⤵️⤵️⤵️ bc holy fuck this meta is so long I have reached the image limit per post asjfklgs

#vanitas no carte #the case study of vanitas #vnc meta #vnc theory #vnc manga #vnc spoilers #vanitas of the blue moon #pls read the continuation before rb #long post #like i mean REALLY long post #w h e e z e

[tearsofgrace]

never enough

15.18 coda

it’s not happy... 

word count: 1.5k, tags: cw suicide, spn spoilers (obvs), mcd, angst, deal with the empty, idk it’s just sad guys

also on archive

It took him hours to notice it. He hadn’t felt it in the moment. Hadn’t felt the Cas’ hand stick slightly to his shoulder as it pushed him away, leaving him to face the Empty alone.

But now that he’d noticed it, it was all he could look at. That bright red handprint standing out starkly against his jacket. It was perfect, really. Not a drop out of place. Just a handprint and nothing else. That was all he had left.

The handprint where Castiel had “gripped him tight and raised him from perdition.” And now he’d saved him one more time. Same shoulder, same placement, same sting when Dean looked at it.

It was poetic in the cruelest of ways. And if it weren’t for everything, he would have thought this was Chuck’s writing. But, no. Castiel was the only part of Chuck’s story that he couldn’t control. Because Cas had fallen.

Cas had fallen in love with him. And Dean loved him back. Of course he did.

But he’d been too cowardly to say it back. How could he? When his best friend in the entire world looked at him with an expression that could only be described as pure unadulterated joy and said the words Dean had been longing to hear his whole life… how could he say them back?

So he hadn’t. He’d begged Cas not to do this. Not to be taken away. But Cas hadn’t listened. It had been too late anyway. His joy was sealed, and so was his fate. He didn’t need to hear it back to be happy.

“I love you too,” Dean whispered to the empty room.

His eyes were dry now. He’d ran out of tears a few hours ago, but the sobs had continued for some time. Gasping, heaving, no room for air in his lungs because all he could feel was crushing disappointment, sadness, anger, self-loathing.

He’d had the chance to give Cas everything in his final moments.

And they were his final moments. He had no delusions about that. Cas was never coming back. Ever. There were no deals, no resurrections, no last ditch efforts to save him. He was just gone. The love of Dean’s life was gone.

Sam hadn’t called again. He probably assumed Dean was dead. He might as well be. Or maybe Sam was dead, Jack too.

The back of Dean’s gun dug into his side and he almost reached for it. His family was gone. So he might as well join them in eternal damnation.

But something stopped him. Some hope instilled in him by Cas’ words, even though now he was gone.

Cas had loved him. He had made Cas happy.

He looked down at the handprint again and fit his hand into it. It shouldn’t have still been wet. Not now. But it was, sticking slightly to Dean’s fingers.

He leaned his head back against the wall, the cold floor becoming uncomfortable beneath him. He wouldn’t leave tonight. He could stay alive. If only to stand up to Chuck when he had nothing left.

I love you, the words rang in his ear and he dry sobbed again, wishing there were tears left to fall.

Why hadn’t he just said it back? He’d meant it. He loved Cas. Maybe he always had. And not like he loved Sam. It was just Cas, only Cas, Cas was gone.

Distantly, he heard the bunker door open and close. At least Sam or Jack had made it out. Then again, that could be Chuck coming to drag him away. Coming to gloat that the flaw in his plan, the hiccup that Cas had caused again and again was gone.

Without Cas, they couldn’t win. Cas was what Chuck wasn’t expecting. He’d fought for Dean over and over. He’d shown his love over and over. And Dean had been too stubborn to see it, too stubborn to accept it.

Cas, the one Dean had abandoned and betrayed.

Cas, the one who came back ever single time.

Cas, the broken angel who had fallen too far.

And he was dead.

Dean pulled his hand from the handprint and looked to the ceiling. Searching for a sign, an answer, any comfort to remove the pit that had settled in his stomach weighing him down. He’d never felt like this. Not when Sam had died. Not when Mom had died. Hell, not even when Cas had died before.

This was different.

This was floating face down in a pool, weightless because everything was crushing inward. This was drowning, lungs filling up with pain that left no room for anything else. This was falling off a building willingly, death just inches below him, but not quite being able to reach it because he didn’t have the energy to die. This was a fate far worse than death.

He didn’t look up when Sam came into the room, Jack right behind him.

He barely reacted when Sam looked around frantically, crouching by his brother and shaking his shoulders, trying to see if he was okay.

He didn’t move until Sam asked in a quite voice, as if he was afraid of the answer, “Where’s Cas?”

Only then did he look up at his brother, his eyes rimmed red but completely dry. Sam’s eyes fell to the handprint on his shoulder and he knelt next to Dean. Jack stood over them, his head tilted curiously but something on his face saying he knew exactly where Cas was.

“Dean, what happened?” Sam said, resting an arm on his shoulder. Not the one with the handprint. Not the one that mattered. Not the one that stung with loss.

“He’s gone,” Dean said hoarsely. He’d have to tell him at some point. He’d have to get it over with. He’d have to let his soul open up and let out his darkest secret.

“The Empty?” Jack asked quietly, and Dean jerked his face up to look at him. Jack had known. He’d known about the deal. Of course he had… it was to save him.

Dean nodded mutley and his hands started shaking again. Gone, gone, gone. Cas was gone. Alone. Forgotten. In love with no clue that it was returned.

“What the hell?” Sam said, shifting to get more comfortable.

“He made a deal,” Jack supplied. His voice was tight with emotion. Dean risked a glance up at him. He looked just as alone as Dean felt. His father had been taken from him. “To save me,” he continued. "When he experienced a moment of true happiness, he would be taken.”

True happiness, Dean thought bitterly. It had been happiness enough to tell him. He’d seen that on Cas’ face. The joy, the freedom, the relief. He’d been carrying this for years.

“Cas wasn’t happy?” That was all Sam said. Disbelief written across his face, hanging in his voice.

He could have been.

“Dean,” Jack started, and Dean looked back at the floor. He knew what was coming. He’d been prepared for this. But he still couldn’t do it. “What made him happy?”

He couldn’t look at the kid. Not now. So instead he looked up at Sam, his eyes broken, pleading for him to understand. To understand why he was sinking lower and lower as every happy thought left his body. To understand why he would never be truly happy again. To understand that today, he’d lost everything.

Sam’s eyes widened just a fraction and then he nodded once, slowly. And Dean thought he was going to drop it there. But he understood even better than that. He understood that Dean needed to say it. “What did he say?” he asked softly.

“He said,” Dean took a deep breath. “He said he loved me.” He started crying again. No tears, just shaking shoulders and desperate gasps for air that wasn’t there. “And I-” he cleared his throat, trying to gain control. “I didn’t say it back.”

This time Sam reached across and pulled him into a tight hug, Dean shaking as he cried silently into his shoulder.

“He knew,” his brother said simply. “Of course he knew.”

No one spoke after that. They just sat there, reeling in shock. Cas was gone. Cas was what held this family together, what gave them a chance, and he was stuck somewhere completely alone, eternal emptiness finally laying its hold on him.

Dean wanted to shout to Sam that it didn’t matter if Cas had known. Because Dean hadn’t told him. Because Cas had seemed like he didn’t know. Because Cas had said that happiness was just in being. Was just in saying it.

But he didn’t know.

How could he know?

Happiness would have been waking up next to each other. Happiness would have been going on walks hand in hand, soft smiles exchanged between breathless kisses. Happiness would have been getting into stupid arguments and laughing when they were finally resolved. Happiness would have been being with each other, completely, entirely. Giving themselves over wholly, not to God and his angels, but to the other. Happiness would have been 3 AM movie parties and midafternoon cuddle sessions. Wiping away each other's tears and kissing away the pain.

So, yes. They could have been happy. Could have had it all.

But they didn’t.

And now they never would.

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#spn spoilers #cw suicide #destiel #mcd #spn fic #destiel fic #spn fanfic #supernatural fanfic #spn fan fiction #destiel fanfic #deancas fic #destiel ficlet #my writing

[einfalls-los]

I am not okay.

Listen, I don't usually get emotional over anime, especially not wacky anime like sk8 (that is not an insult, btw, I love sk8 for what it is). Maybe it's because I had a very emotional and exhausting 2021 so far but sk8 has quite literally been my comfort anime this whole year. And I expected it to get a little angsty like most sports anime. But I was not ready for the gut punch that was episode 9.

So I'm gonna rant about / process the whole thing under the cut (so spoilers, obv). Also, I'm using this as a scream-into-the-void kinda thing but feel free to comment your thoughts if you have any.

Alright first things first - I don't really care for renga. I do think they're super cute and I want to see them together and happy but over the last few years I get less and less drawn towards ships involving high schoolers. It's probably only natural, the farther I get from my school days the least interesting high school romances are getting. Therefore I don't have a lot of thoughts on them this episode. But their moment on the track was just so sweet? And so gay??

To get it out of the way: I hate Joe's skating style.

I wasn't really into the race between Joe and Langa, it felt like something they had to get out of the way to let the plot progress (and get to the Cherry/Adam race already).

I actually really like the route they seem to go with reki. It was set up as that trope of someone realising they're better suited for the support team instead of going to the front lines because they're surrounded by prodigies and while pretty good just not ... well, a genius. We saw it in how amazing the boards he makes are, we even got the "inspirational interview he by chance sees on tv". But this episode he clearly states - no, he does not want that. He wants to skate! Not being a genius be damned! And I think that's really neat iff they continue this correctly. I can see this going multiple ways - him achieving what he wants through hard work and not talent. Or even him not getting as amazing as the others AND THAT'S OKAY. Because that's not the important part, the important part isn't skill but fun.

Now about the big fish - the whole Kojiro/Kaoru/Ainosuke backstory and the Cherry vs. Adam race. Okay, let's see if I can organize my thoughts enough to form coherent sentences.

I am not used to canon lgbt characters in anime. I tend to not like most bl series because of their stereotypes and a lot of them have issues with portayal of consent and outside of those gay characters are so so rare. There are a few examples of course but it's pretty much always subtext.

Now, I know what we got here was also hardly more than subtext but hear me out. I was fully ready to read anything gay happening in this series as fujo fanservice and go on with my life. I had fun ready matcha blossom fics and scrolling through the tag but I expected literally nothing to come out of this. I was super surprised by the "Langa confessing to his mom" scene last week but was still prepared for it to be ignored or to be told "in a bff kinda way" later.

But somehow it feels like this episode crossed a boundary. I can't define why. But it feels too much to be fanservice-y anymore. When at the same time it still isn't canon. Not in an explicit way like I want.

Also, funfact - there is a post sitting in my drafts from last week. I didn't post it because I got distracted by other stuff but it said (paraphrased): a little angst-y headcanon but what if kaoru was actually in love with adam in the past. That's why he is so obsessed with skating against him. And him and kojiro are either already a couple and kojiro is worried he isn't over adam or ko is pining for him and doesn't think kaoru is reciprocating his feelings (and is right about it???). --- and this is pretty much literally what happened this episode???? I don't know how to process that, how am I supposed to feel about that?

And last but not least: For a long long time I haven't hated an antagonist in the way I hate Adam. I was already iffy about him in past episodes but more in a "oh look at this creep ha ha" kinda way. I hate his aesthetic and his whole drama schtick and I am super creeped out by the way he treats langa. And when we got a bit of his backstory last episode I was like - I get it. I will not forgive his actions, I still want to see him in jail but I get it. But again, I feel like he has crossed a line this episode. This may be a very personal line for me but I just got so genuinely angry at him and I don't know what to do with this emotion. Especially since I am about 90% sure adam won't have to answer for his actions in the way I want him to. I am just so disgusted and angry with his character and his actions and knowing it will not be handled like I want it in-universe.

I don't want Langa or Reki to skate against him I don't want to give him the satisfaction and I want those kids as far away from him as they possibly can be. I want Kaoru and / or Kojiro to deck him in the fucking face, I want him to know this is not fucking okay, I want him to suffer and rot in jail without ever touching a skateboard again. (And if he has to lose a race I still want it to be against cherry as my baby deserves.) And I want matcha blossom happy in each others arms, kaoru healing from his feelings and disappointment in adam. I want everyone to be as happy as possible except for fucking adam. FUCK.

#i am not proofreading this so read at your own risk #sk8 #sk8 the infinity #sk8 episode 9 #sk8 spoilers #sk8 episode 9 spoilers #matcha blossom #renga #kaoru sakurayashiki #kojiro nanjo #fuck adam 2021 #langa hasegawa #reki kyan

[weekend-conspiracy-theorist]

Watched the new Bond movie! I enjoyed it. The rest of this will be spoilers and also I'm posting from mobile so I can't read more, so just... scroll fast if you don't want to see anything

***

I liked Madeline (Madelyn?) a lot more in this movie than Spectre; she felt like more of an actual character than "here's who we think the perfect woman for Bond would be", which is funny since I think she may have actually had less total screentime? and the flashback scene that opened the movie had already been described in Spectre, but it felt much more relevant and impactful on her actions (and not just because it was, y'know, a significant plot development) in the present day scenes, and her motivations were altogether much more tangible throughout this one... I mean, obviously not to degrade a trauma narrative when it's successful, but Spectre simply was a bad movie where all of the characters were very flat, and she suffered most for it being her first introduction.

I thought No Time to Die was also, overall, a very fitting send off for Craig's Bond. Lashanna Lynch's 007 was compelling and fun-- she truly earned the moniker, and while obvs she didn't NEED Bond's approval, it was nice to see her get it; it WAS nonetheless fitting that she handed it back for the last mission, although I was annoyed they never established what 00 designation Bond was using beforehand (or that, presumably, she was using afterwards). With Madeline being more compelling in this one, the romance between her and Bond was as well, so I liked that Bond got that... closure, I suppose, even if it was so very bittersweet when things fell apart the way they did.

(Although I didn't buy the idea that Heracles was truly permanent and a solution to destroying the nanobots couldn't be found. I mean... c'mon. Why didn't his EMP work, for one thing? but whatever. I did see his death coming a mile away and also kind of appreciated it, so I won't quibble too hard. If for nothing else, Craig finally got to say a true goodbye to a character he hated playing 😂)

I liked that Bond's friendships were upheld-- Felix Leiter being the one man Bond evidently told how to find him (as it seemed at least to me that Naomi had followed Felix and thereby found Bond, not that MI6 knew where he was), Moneypenny and Q continuing to side with him over M, and even the first moment with him and Tanner was kind of cute.

(Tangential sidenote: Thanks for confirming Q is gay (or at least dating a dude, he could be bi); it would have been nice for it to be more than a passing line, but tbf it got about the same level of attention as Moneypenny's bf in Spectre. There's just not much room for secondary character's outside lives in these. And Q's an established and beloved character already, which makes it easier to swallow. I know it's going to be #controversial that they so thoroughly skewered 00Q despite both of them being canonically not-straight (well... a controversial take on my own part this time, but I think it's arguable whether or not Bond was bluffing to Silva in that scene in Skyfall, so arguably canon, anyway), and believe me, I have read a ton of 00Q fic and even written some that never quite saw the light of day. But I'm also begging anybody whose first instinct is ANGER to take a deep breath and look at the character arcs and admit that across all 5 Craig movies Bond's was pretty good.)

I am pissed about what happened to Felix, though; he's a great character in the novels and this version of him from Craig's movies has been superb. I would have liked to have seen him potentially stick around as Felix for whoever does the next Bond. Ana de Armas's CIA agent's name escapes me, but she was fun. Maybe she, at least, will stick around to be a CIA contact down the line-- assuming they keep any characters consistent, which I suppose is questionable. It's how they did it with previous M and Q's, maintaining those actors/actresses when possible despite reboots of Bond, but who the hell knows, I guess.

With both Armas's character and Lynch's Naomi (or was it Nomi? I'm so bad with character names), Craig's Bond did his grinny little "so delighted these new people are competent and interesting" thing that he did with Moneypenny and Q in Skyfall (and sort of Madeline in Spectre? but he was just so horny in that scene, idk), and I love that. Which also, notably, he didn't do with Ash (?); shoulda known the guy would turn out to be evil rather than incompetent.

I think Mallory's M was the most undercut by this movie; their mid-movie explanation of his motives re: Heracles made it... better, and I did like the callback to his words to C from Spectre, but it still didn't fully compute since like... if you can't even name your villains, how are you supposed to come up with their DNA? Bad plan, and quite obviously way too easily turned against... everyone. I also didn't care for how insistent they seemed to be through both Spectre and No Time to Die that Bond and M should just never get along, when Skyfall really did set things up for a whole new cooperative set of secondary characters.

Altogether, though, I thought it was a good movie, enjoyable to watch, and capped off the throughline of Craig's movies quite nicely. I was quite content with it.

#no time to die spoilers #bond spoilers #hate tagging spoilers because then it shows up in tags and people putside of my sphere see it but I also don't wanba be a dick so 🤷‍♀️ #00Q is a wonderful ship esp. post-skyfall and diverging from there #and I personally have always and will always adore the 00qpenny ot3 but like #please take off the shipping goggles and think critically #liking two characters' chemistry doesn't make anything that doesn't put them together a bad story

[jq37]

Maybe I'm also being animal racist, but a current guess I have for oMaM is that the rabbit Sly saw at the docks was actually the newspaper photographer who seems to be spending a lot of energy documenting Sly's movements at this party, and the bad lighting/state of intoxicated introspection led Syl to make a wrong assumption. (Also did you ever watch Hoodwinked? Spoilers: the reporter bunny did it)

lol hey guys. So I've been fairly MIA the past couple of weeks due to my job trying to actively murder me but I wanted to pop in for a hot second to talk about where we are theory-wise at this point in the season.

First of all, to address the actual ask, I feel like Brennan must have known Longfoot would be suspicious due to ~animal racism~ and put him in as a red herring and now we have even more info to back that up.

I suspect that what's going on with the stuff in the manor is a version of the Pepper's ghost illusion which involves mirrors to do ghostly projections and look pretty darn good for an effect that was invented hundreds of years ago. If you've ever ridden Haunted Mansion at Disney, that's the effect they use to do the waltzing ghosts (fun fact, because the effect mirrors the objects it's used on and the Imagineers forgot to take that into account, all of the female ghosts are leading in the dance!) But that's just fluff, let's talk plot.

So last week's ep threw a LOT of suspicion on Sly with him literally being painted at the villain and Grant doing absolutely nothing to defend himself. And, I'll admit, it would be pretty delicious to not only have Sly foreshadow it earlier with his coy, "Why yes, it also could have been me," and also that Grant himself would have [REDACTED] Rekha a SECOND TIME (watch the Murder Mystery ep of Game Changers if you don't know what I mean--it's my fave ep). But I talked it over with my watch buddy @camwritery and I don't think Sly is actually a baddie. I think this is a double double cross (Lol a cross from Mr. Cross). Here's my thought process.

(1) Yes there's that stack of letters Daisy found in Sly's hand but those easily could have been forged. I'd like Buck to take a look at those since he has that rogue handwriting checking ability.

(2) Squire Badger specially said something was coming to F Sly up and Sly could tell he wasn't the mastermind. Fletcher would make the most sense as to who the mastermind actually is. Like, it wouldn't be so much a twist to the audience but it would be a big ass twist to the CHARACTERS who thought he was fully dead (for the most part) and I feel like that matters more than "subverting expectations" or whatever. It's possible we find out it's actually another party guest I guess (or more likely, that some number of them are involved as accomplices) but Brennan said last week we've met all the characters and it's too late to introduce a new person at this point. And Fletcher is such a through line in Sly and Daisy's stories, it would be weird to not go for the payoff.

(3) So Fletcher is alive. We know this. What would a dead but not dead criminal mastermind want? To ruin his arch nemesis, obv. So, how do you do that? Maybe you fake the death of some mouse to create an unsolvable murder to drive him crazy? And then maybe you work with the person who the fake murder pissed off (because of Sly's inability to "solve" it) to ruin Sly because that guy hates Sly now? And maybe you involve some element of faking deaths in your plan because a faked death is what was central to the original plot that made Sly's reputation and ruined your family? That's so convoluted but this is a guy who handcuffed himself to his enemy and jumped off a waterfall. He's clearly a drama queen and he has nothing but time.

(4) I think Sly has figured this out to some degree and he's decided that letting himself get captured is the best option for him at the moment. Like, he didn't protest at all. Which, yes, checks out to his laidback, posh casual persona but I think he knows that if anything happens to anyone while he's locked up then it casts suspicion on someone besides him or it means the "murders" have to stop because no one will kill anyone while he's not active as a possible suspect due to literally not being able to murder anyone. Speaking of--

(5) Yeah, I don't believe these are murders. All those dead bodies from the list? Badgers, corvids, horned animals. That's the badger fam and their spouses. And the one guy we "knew" was dead also doesn't seem to be dead (which Brennan seeded from the start with Conor's widow hearing his voice which seems possible if she lives so close and he was alive this whole time). I guess framing Sly for a full family murder or something was the plan? But that doesn't quite check out because presumably they'd un-die at some point and I feel like they wouldn't want to live under assumed identities in animal Bavaria or something. I know news doesn't travel fast w/o the internet but they're prominent people. News would spread I assume. Maybe the death faking was to make Sly believe he was crazy? Or to believe in ghosts? Messing with a genius's mind is I'm sure one of the worst things you can do. There's also Buck's Frankenstein theory which is a little out there but they were trying crazy stuff with electricity and dead bodies back in the day. Kind of a wild pull but cam sent me this about a Dr. Squires from the same-ish time period shocking someone back to life. It would be wild and now we have some alt explanations for the electricity but gotta explore all options. And this would Constance to call her dad a madman, lol.

(6) Grant/Sly has a lot more info than us with all those maddening redacted texts so it's very likely he has some long game happening we know nothing about. I wondered if he might have known about Fletcher for a while--when Daisy revealed he was alive he was surprised but I don't remember if he was surprised that he was alive or if it was ambiguous and it might just be that he didn't tell her. I assumed he didn't know at all (because I feel like that's what Brennan narrated in episode 1) but I need to go back and check.

(7) At the end of the day, D20 is a show that rewards love and friendship over betrayal and the like. This very much could be the first season with a real betrayal but I'm kinda skeptical. Sly could just be a big faker but he seems genuine to me. Also, what would his motive even be here? This doesn't seem like his style and I don't know why he'd do this.

(8) Lars failed their check on purpose and Ian saw full puppydog earnestness. Sly if you've been a bad guy this whole time and Lars didn't know, bitch I'll kill you

(9) Not really on topic but I want to note, Daisy's find of that second trick portrait makes me thing my theory was correct and there's a third somewhere. I wonder where.

(10) Even less on topic but the "Show Her Your Butt 2: Electric Boogaloo" sequence last week made me spit soda everywhere and I think that should be acknowledged.

#mice and murder #mice and murder spoilers #dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #d20 #asks #madamxpresident

[lizardkingeliot]

First Line Meme

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line, then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

tagged by @phoenix-ascended thank you!!!! 💖

Okay SO. I’m gonna cheat a little bit here. The first nine I’m going to post are all going to be from the first nine chapters of time cast a spell on you (but you won’t forget me) but to be fair the chapters are so long they each might as well be a story all their own lmao. ANYWAY. Here we go. I’ll post the first paragraph from each I guess, in order of chapter number obvs:

1. Quentin shook out the tension in his hands. He didn’t understand why it wasn’t getting any easier. For days on end he’d been trying to perfect the illumination spell the rest of his fellow First Years had nailed in a matter of hours. But no matter how he tried, Quentin couldn’t seem to make anything more than a spark.

2. Quentin waited until Eliot was asleep to slip out of bed and hastily tug his clothes back on. The illuminated screen of his phone told him it was just past 12am. Clutching his shoes to his chest, he opened the door as quietly as he could manage and tip-toed out into the hall, all but running to his room and clicking the lock shut firmly behind him.

3. Dry-mouthed and groggy, Quentin woke in Eliot’s bed alone. He groaned, groping around for his phone to check the time for a long moment before remembering he’d left it in his room. Quentin rubbed at his eyes, rolling over and up to his feet, muscles he didn’t even know existed screaming as he went. He picked his bathrobe up from the floor and pulled it on, then tottered down the hall to empty his bladder and brush his teeth and gulp down frantic handfuls of water from the bathroom sink.

4. Tuesday morning was hell. Quentin woke just before eleven, empty as a husk. Filthy, all used up. His thighs sticking together where Eliot’s come had dried there in the night. Quickly realizing he’d already missed his first class of the day, Quentin pressed his face into his pillow, pulled the covers up over his head, and surrendered to the blank comfort of late morning sleep.

5. Quentin couldn’t feel his face, or much of his body for that matter. Which was… fine. It was great. It was fucking phenomenal. As long as it meant he also couldn’t feel the sinkhole that had formed in the center of his chest. The one that had been there for days, weeks, months, fucking years. He couldn’t feel anything at all.

6. Quentin felt a lever turn inside his chest, the source of his magic eking out a spark. Enough at least to send a message to Julia back at Brakebills. One of those little enchanted paper airplanes they’d learned his first week in Practical Applications that he never could get to fly quite right. He scrawled his SOS on a cocktail napkin and watched it flutter away like the world’s saddest butterfly. The universe took pity on him. Quentin figured he was probably due. 7. Christmas morning was a lackluster affair.

Exchanging gift cards over coffee and devouring great mounds of Ted Coldwater’s Famous Ham and Eggs while still in their pajamas. After, Julia and Quentin lay on the living room floor and Skyped with James, his grandparents waving hello from Pennsylvania in the background. They opened the stack of impersonal and overly-extravagant gifts from Julia’s mother that had been delivered to the house the night before. Quentin received a pair of cashmere socks and a leather belt with a shiny silver buckle.

8. Quentin stood at the bathroom sink, watching his face shift in the steamy mirror glass. Stark naked save for the towel looped around his hips. Hair dripping in cool, fat beads down onto the planks of his shoulders. So clean he swore he could feel himself sparkling from the inside out.

9. Quentin tossed his phone down onto the floor and leaned back into Eliot’s heat. “It’s almost like you want my dad to know I’m faking sick so I can stay in and let you fuck me until I pass out.”

Some patterns I guess: I love how chapters 2-4 all open with Quentin in bed after hooking up with eliot but all with very different vibes. In chapter 2, he’s just experienced subspace for the first time without having any idea that’s what actually happened to him and he is having A Time. In chapter 3, they had a very intense hook-up the night before and Quentin is sneaking out again, but this time he fully plans on returning right after. And in chapter 4, we see the joy of their beginnings at Columbia contrasted hard with the misery of where Quentin is at Brakebills.

ALSO 2/3 of the chapters begin with Quentin’s name which feels right considering just how deep into his headspace we are in this fic.

Okay. Anyway. Moving on:

10. Eliot loved watching Quentin lose himself in a moment.

It could be anything really: mastering a brand new spell; savoring something decadent and sweet; fussing with his hair when he thought no one was looking; focusing very hard on making himself a cocktail and getting the ratios just right; ranting about his Fillory books; reading his Fillory books, to himself but especially aloud; reading anything; riding dick...

That last one held a particularly special place in Eliot’s heart.

(from but i would die for you in secret aka the one where eliot is pretty sure quentin is only using him for his dick. spoiler alert: he’s not they’re just idiots)

11. Teddy was turning six years old. There was nothing in the world he loved more than stories.

His favorite was a version of Lord of the Rings Quentin had cobbled together from memory. He must have told it to their son a hundred times before it occurred to Eliot he could contribute more to story time than ogling Quentin’s hands while he spoke, or popping in to suggest when the Balrog should actually be making an appearance, Quentin.

(from in a land far away aka the mosaic fic where eliot makes margo hand puppets for teddy)

12. The words came out of Quentin’s mouth without a single coherent thought behind them.

“I’m just about to catch a movie with my boyfriend!”

There, outside the coffee shop on Eighth Avenue, Quentin’s maybe-friend from high school whose name he couldn’t even remember shot him a wide-mouthed grin. “Oh, that’s wonderful!” she said. “Which movie? My wife Danielle and I don’t have any plans for the afternoon and we’d love to tag along. Isn’t that right sweetie?”

(from your name like a song (i sing to myself) aka the one where quentin’s memory is shit and he and eliot pretend to be boyfriends in a post-monster world)

13. Eliot dropped the last box onto the floor. “Daddy’s wardrobe is safe at last,” he said, lowering himself down into the gold chair with a sigh. “Though I can’t seem to shake the terrible feeling that Todd raided my closet at the Cottage before I could get to it all.”

Quentin surveyed the damage from his spot on the sofa: there were at least seven large packing boxes bursting at their seams scattered around the penthouse. “I don’t know how you would even be able to tell. I’m pretty sure one of those boxes is just vests.”

Eliot quirked a brow in his direction. “Some of us are cultivating an aesthetic, Quentin,” he said. “And I didn’t see you complaining when I let you dress me for dinner last night.”

Quentin couldn’t help but smile. “I wouldn’t call picking between two pre-approved ties dressing you, El.”

“I’m also counting the fact that you said my ass looked great in my new pants.”

(from the parentheses (all clicking shut behind you) aka the suspender porn fic)

14. The night Quentin Coldwater died, a brand new star appeared in the sky over Brakebills. A little brighter than Venus, it stayed fixed in the same position for weeks on end. Eliot hardly would have noticed such a thing if it hadn’t been for the way that it hummed. Or at least, that’s how it felt. A humming in his bones. An old, familiar presence. Margo thought that he’d gone mad with grief. Alice was the only one who could understand.

(from a myth of devotion aka the one where eliot is sorta icarus and quentin is sorta the sun)

15. It didn’t happen the way Eliot expected it to. He dropped the letter into the mailbox, and pain blossomed in his abdomen so brightly it was like he’d gone supernova.

And everything went dark.

(from by night, beloved, tie your heart to mine aka the one where eliot sends the letter)

16. Eliot stretched out over the mosaic, his shirt riding up just a little as he clicked a yellow tile into place, and Quentin’s pulse leapt in his neck once, twice. Three times. His breath hitched. It was becoming nearly impossible to focus. In the heat of the sun, watching the sweat soak Eliot’s shirt clean-through.

(from i won’t deny (all the things i would do) aka the one where quentin and eliot start hooking up three months into their life at the mosaic)

17. After they decided kissing on the mouth was okay, Quentin and Eliot wanted to do it all the time. In every corner of the penthouse (“If you don’t stop sucking face while I’m trying to eat my sandwich,” Kady said one afternoon, “I’m literally going to feed you to the Baba Yaga.”), outside coffee shops, in between bites at the sushi place in Chelsea that Eliot loved. Once, they went to see a movie they couldn’t even remember the name of just to make out for two blissful, uninterrupted hours in the dark.

(from and a song of praise upon your lips aka part three of the box of chocolates series where quentin and eliot are definitely dating and finally talk about their feelings)

18. Eliot startled awake to something sharp and pointed slamming into his shin. He opened his eyes, and the toe of Margo’s shoe made contact one last time. Pain seared up the side of his leg, and he winced. Jesus, she really did not realize her own strength sometimes. Or the strength of her Jimmy Choo’s.

(from that you may know (the secrets of your heart) aka part two of box of chocolates aka the one where hand stuff is still banging)

19. Eliot Waugh was High King in his blood, and somehow that felt right. When they first arrived in Fillory, Quentin assumed he would be the one to wear the crown. He’d dreamed of it most of his life after all. On the throne in Whitespire, a fleet of talking animals at his disposal, a noble quest waiting around every corner to ferry him away to the next grand, heart-stopping adventure. But when the blade bit into his palm and drew no blood, and Eliot’s came up red, it felt like the final piece of some perfect puzzle clicking into place.

(from and this is the map of my heart aka the one where quentin wants to marry eliot and they have some incredibly filthy sex before everything falls apart)

20. Eliot walked into the penthouse to an eerie quiet. He found Quentin sitting in the kitchen under a dim illumination spell, drinking a beer and poking at the screen of his phone.

“Hey,” Eliot said, setting his shopping bag down on the counter. “Where is everyone?”

Quentin sighed, rubbing at his eyes. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. “Out. I don’t know.”

Eliot squinted at him. “You didn’t want to go with them?”

Quentin lifted his eyes, shot Eliot a look. “No.”

(from for love (if it finds you worthy) aka part one of the box of chocolates series)

And I have now been here doing this for so long I no longer have time to try and find anymore patterns lmao BUT I will be tagging: @thelucindac @akisazame @fishfingersandscarves @nellie-elizabeth @freneticfloetry @rubickk7 and anyone else who wants to play!

#the magicians #queliot #otp: proof of concept #myfic

[sheep-mc]

As promised from yesterday...

Yesterday following my not-so-brief rant post, I stated that I’d follow up the travesty of that event with a more in-depth analysis and more collected thoughts. That is what awaits you under the cut! Be warned though, there are going to be major spoilers for the event (and possibly things that occur from lesson 20 and prior)

First I’m going to give a summary of the event and how I view it. This is mostly for those of you who haven’t played the event yet, so you can understand why the community is so angry about it. If you’ve already played, feel free to skip the next 3 paragraphs.

It starts out with Lord Diavolo suggesting a party to improve the bonds between the exchange students and the student council. Asmodeus suggests that everyone should dress up - but nothing big, just small angel wings and such. Diavolo shakes his head and says that everyone should go all out, because if you’re going to dress up, you may as well go all the way. Several of the brothers (Mammon, Lucifer, Belphegor) express disdain for this, saying that they don’t want to get dressed up, but Diavolo uses his own magic to put them into outfits anyway. Not just any outfits. Their old Celestial Realm outfits. Simeon then mentions that Michael has given him a gift to give to the brothers, as a thank you for them treating the angels so well. The gift is only for the brothers, not MC, not Diavolo, just the brothers. Simeon aware of the effect the bangles will have on the brothers. He does not tell them this until they’ve put it on. He knows fully well that the bangles will cause them to act in more “righteous ways”. The bangles then react unexpectedly with Diavolo’s magic, causing the outfits and bangles to become irremovable. That is to say, they cannot take them off. It was forced upon them when several of them clearly showed that they did not want to go along with this, and now they cannot undo it. That’s the first issue.

After this, Diavolo still decides that he wants to hold the party, and Simeon agrees. The preparations continue nonetheless. Throughout the event, we speak to the brothers as they’re preparing for the party. Here we’re shown that the brainwashing of the bangles is gradual, not immediate. Mammon is able to resist it slightly at first, claiming that he’s going to cut the clothes off of him. Once he grabs the scissors, his behavior changes. He decides that what he’s doing is dangerous and instead goes to put the scissors away. This action scares Leviathan, who fears that they’re all going to turn out like Mammon and that he doesn’t want that to happen. When we’re alone with Lucifer and Satan, the bangles have only started to affect them, but it hasn’t fully kicked in. They express that they don’t like the situation at all and that they don’t feel like themselves, ending their interactions by telling MC to leave them alone because they don’t want to be seen like this. Speaking to the rest of the brothers, the effects of the bangles have been fully realized. Leviathan has put away all of his obsessions, offering a Ruri-Chan figure to MC because he ”doesn’t need it anymore”. He goes on to say that he was hiding behind anime and manga and that from now on he will work on nurturing his relationships with his brothers and being honest with MC about his feelings. Even if MC rejects him or calls him gross, he doesn’t get upset. This is obviously out of character for our beloved otaku.

The rest of the brothers suffer a similar fate. Beelzebub no longer feels hungry, claiming that instead of feeding himself, he wishes to feed others and see them happy. He says that he wants to be kinder, implying that he wasn’t kind enough before - which is fucking bullshit because holy shit this is Beel we’re talking about are you fucking kidding me you don’t think Beel was kind enough he was literally the nicest of the brothers what the fuck are you on about - ANYWAY. Belphegor goes on to say that he was wasting his life by sleeping it away, and that all of his brothers are good and that he wants to spend more time with them. He doesn’t want to take naps anymore, unless prompted by MC, and he says that he used unfair tactics when trying to win MC’s love. He also says that he won’t be doing that anymore, and is instead going to do things “the fair way”. Asmodeus offers you all of his beauty products, claiming that he was trying too hard to be beautiful before. If you choose to kiss him, he’ll go along with it, but say that he feels like he’s betraying his brothers and being unfair and sneaky. For some reason, I can’t recall much of Mammon’s interaction for the life of me. I remember him saying that he was mean and rude and greedy and shameless before, and how he wants to change to be a better person now, but I don’t remember the second half of the interaction. I just know it was bad. The event ends with the party being held, Diavolo and Simeon smiling and laughing, Solomon and Luke being concerned, and Lucifer overcoming the power of the bangle. Well, that’s what Lucifer says, but I believe he was lying.

Here’s my actual opinions on it:  It was fucked up! I left this bit out of the summary, but all of the brothers (after Lucifer and Satan) express that they don’t want to do anything unless you’re okay with it. They want to be someone good enough that you’d approve of it. They don’t want to upset their brothers. All in all, they’re prioritizing the thoughts and feelings of others over their own. They express hatred for their past selves, condemning their actions and interests as shameful and wrong. Even their most harmless actions. They got rid of every single bit of their own personality in order to “purify” themselves. This ideology is the exact embodiment of toxic positivity and it’s revolting. I would also like to focus more on how all of the brothers (except for Asmodeus and Beelzebub) showed that they didn’t like this idea. for the most part, they were strongly against it. Satan, who according to this event, has never been an angel, says that he doesn’t feel like himself at all. He shows the most fear towards the effects of the bangle and quite frankly it’s just. Disturbing to see someone like Satan so afraid. Lucifer tries to hide his worry, but his thoughts are similar to Satan’s, since he also says that he can’t rest because he doesn’t feel like himself.

Some of you might think that the changes were good or harmless or whatever, and you might have appreciated the fact that they’re trying to change for the better, but realize this: their change was forced. They didn’t do it of their own free will, they didn’t have any experiences that caused them to think or feel this way. It was all forced. They’ve been brainwashed. They are not doing this of their own accord. It’s not them. They are not themselves.

And this is not a side effect of the Celestial Realm or being an angel! If you’ve played through certain cards devilgram story (Belphegor’s “Hatred” or Lucifer’s “Glory Days”) you can see that the brothers are still themselves even though they are angels. They still have their personality and are not completely “holy” or “pure” or “righteous”. This is specifically a result of the bangles. If this had been part of the main story it would have been interesting. It could have been more thought out and well written and had a conclusive ending. So where am I going with this?

I believe that the devs had good intentions but executed them poorly. This is an event, meaning it’s non-canon and not related to the main story. I think that the devs wanted to show how toxic the beliefs of the angels can be, and they did good on that. That was genuinely disturbing to play through. What they’re missing is criticism. If the brother’s had returned to their normal selves and said “what the fuck was that”, then it would have been okay. If they had focused more on how wrong and weird the changes were, and how it’s actually bad, then that would have been a satisfying conclusion. But they didn’t. Well, there was one brother that supposedly returned to his normal self, right? Lucifer.

At the party, Lucifer tells MC that he’s returned to his normal self, but admittedly the clothes still cannot be removed. He shows that he didn’t enjoy the experience, but as he’s watching the rest of his brothers still controlled by the bangles, he...doesn’t do anything. He says that it’s interesting and that they should let it play out a bit more, just to watch them. Now, I am not a Lucifer simp. My MC has copious issues with him. However. This characterization is just PLAIN FUCKING WRONG! WHAT?! What were the devs thinking?! That’s Lucifer! He cares about his brothers above all else in this world! He was strongly against the angel outfit and bangle idea! He said that it made him feel unlike himself! Lucifer has experienced the brainwashing of the bangle first hand! He would never, EVER say something like that when he KNOWS how serious it is. Yes, he is a sadist. Yes, he likes to joke sometimes. But this? He would be way more concerned for them. Which is why I believe he was still under the effects of the bangle. I don’t have a full theory for how much it was affecting him at that point in time, but that will probably come about later.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on the event thus far! It’s possible that the next event will have a callback to this one (considering how this one mentioned TSL: The Musical) but I highly doubt it. I also don’t think that there’s going to be continuation of this in the main story. I doubt we’ll ever get our resolution, but if you want one, I plan on rewriting the entire event on my Wattpad. I’ll announce it when I finish posting it, so feel free to follow for that or just check it out later. My dms should be open and obv you can comment/reblog on this post so if you want to discuss this more, feel free to intract!

#obey me #obey me swd #mod talks #long post #haha sorry ive got many thoughts head full #ive scripted a whole animatic for this event with mind electric from hawaii part two but i dont animate so idk how that's gonna work out #hope you enjoyed! #this took like an hour and a half to write jkefhgjk

[neptrabbit]

So. Here are some of my personal thoughts on ith movie. since this post is LONG, most of the thoughts are leaning towards criticism & ofc it contains spoilers so imma put my bad takes under cut. they’re my personal, subjective opinion, so it’d be normal if you agree/disagree. anyways, you’ve been warned.

The opening song

stage performance & movies are two VERY different media, so unavoidably they had to make many changes to adapt the musical to big screen. One thing they were trying to adapt was the breaking the fourth wall narration in the opening song. they changed the setting of a lot of these lines to Usnavi telling a bunch of kids in an unknown future timeline abt Washington Heights. I personally am not a fan of this decision. the cut between the two different timelines in that 8 min release got me pretty confused & taken out & that feeling did not change much when i was watching the movie either. in the course of the movie, suddenly cutting to future timeline breaks the flow & consistency of the narrative for me, esp since the future scenes rlly aren’t that long. Ik it's for the reveal in the end. I still don't like it.

Choreography

the choreography & cinematography by themselves are hella fantasitc. there’re VERY pretty scenes and choreography, esp during songs. from top of my head i can name a few: the reflection of dancing in the opening song, the running scene in It Won’t Be Long Now, the pool scene (with Vanessa floating on a life saver in the middle) in 96000, THE FUCKING ENTIRETY OF PACIENCIA Y FE, the dancing in The Club, the horizontal dancing scene in When The Sun Goes Down, etc. But a lot of the scenes, esp those that involve group dancing, seems a bit out of place when they seem to take place in the real world rather than on stage. This is prolly another demonstration of the difference in the media of stage performance & movies. I had a hard time to suspend my disbelief, and the movie trying to place some of the dancing in the actual narrative rlly didn’t make it better for me.

(at first I thought for some reason the pool scene in 96000 was everyone’s imagination coming together & was looking forward to it. I did not expect it to actually take place in a pool in the movie & they even used a whole sequence of them going to the pool to show them going to the pool to set it up. So is the dancing in the intro. i did not expect an overhead shot to reveal that it actually happened. Moments like these gave me serious pauses & made me unable to rlly appreciate the fantastic cinematography & choreography.)

bc of the reason i stated & the fact the movie is so centered around these songs & the plot gets cut by the narration from the future, this movie kinda strikes me as a series of well-made music videos connected by loose plots & themes rather than an actual movie.

Plot change

as we all are aware, they made several choices regarding the plot. 

changing nina’s reason to leave Stanford from unable to take care of school & jobs to provide for her living at the same time to experience of racism. i’m personally not a fan of this change - i am not implying that racism is not an issue that poc experience daily. It’s just, I expected a more nuanced discussion on racism & identity in a movie centered around a socially & financially marginalized minority group than a few lines of “my roommate lost her shit so her & RA searched me”, “the school board thought i was a waitress at diversity dinner”, “the waiters looked at me in the looks that question if i am with them”, and “i felt lonely and without a community there”. They are pretty superficial considering their impact in the story. tbh the line “when i was younger i’d imagined what would happen if my parents had stayed in Puerto Rico” did a much better job to capture the identity crisis that first gen immigrant children go thru and gave me more emotional impacts than all the horrible things stanford did to nina. 

deleting Hundreds of Stories and putting Paciencia y Fe right before abuela’s death. i understand it’s a narrative choice bc they decided to reveal that abuela won the lottery later & make it that Usnavi had saved to move to DR in the beginning. in the changed lyrics of Paciencia y Fe we also had a peak of abuela’s struggle of deciding whether to leave or stay in Washington Heights. which is nice. but putting that song right before abuela dies rlly makes her conflicting feelings unimportant to the story... maybe the leave or stay refers to her dying, but she doesn’t rlly have much of a choice either way, does it. she’s just.. kinda like some characters in anime.. whose tragic backstory is narrated right before they die to get the readers emotional... but in a pretty song sequence... the choreography & lighting is very pretty tho. gotta give credit where it’s due.

Sonny’s subplot. i rewatched the movie and realized that there was some foreshadowing of his illegal status in the beginning when Daddy Sonny was talking to Usnavi, but tbh it was quite easy to miss.. so i was a bit surprised when they brought up Sonny’s subplot when there was only 45 min left of the movie. that was not enough time to fully develop this plot, esp given that time is used for other subplots too. we know Sonny is very aware of the politics & is sorta an activist, but him wanting to be like Nina & wanting to get into college wasn’t established earlier, so that part following the protest scene feels a bit flat.

Other things

I’ve seen the discussion of the film’s lack of rep of Afro-Latinos, but I am not the most qualified person to talk abt the experience of Afro-Latino community. I’m keeping my ears open and learning on this subject. 

I liked that they made Daniela & Carla a couple and was excited when i heard the news. The movie itself was not rlly explicit on their relationship tho - there were scenes of Carla pulling Daniela outta bed in the beginning & their dancing. but tbh the fact that they added a third Salon lady, Cuca, who’s always hanging around, makes D&C relationship harder to notice. Im not gonna say blink and you’ll miss it, but it’s pretty easy to miss. obv their relationship has nothing to do w the main plot, but eh. wished it was more explicit.

Tl;dr: i think they have a lot of interesting ideas that they didn’t explore fully so the movie feels a bit all over the place. this goes for Vanessa’s hope to become a fashion designer, Nina’s experience of racism & identity crisis, Sonny’s illegal status. Loved Daniela and the songs tho. Piragua song’s funny as hell. A bit sad they didn’t paint abuela in the finale :(

i am familiar w the source material & liked it a TON but i don’t like it enough to feel nostalgia.. so i can’t go in there with a fresh mind & see it without comparing it to the original, and neither do i hold so much affection for it that i can happily ignore the defects. so honestly i’m probably in the group that has the worst experience watching it

also: pls lmm i beg u pls don’t make a live action adaption of hamilton, pls

#ith movie #ith spoilers #my bad takes

[grxceblqckthxrn]

hi @chocolatecarstairs came up with these post-CHOG questions and i really want to answer them because im sad that im finished reading it :((

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW

what was your favorite part, 1 or 2?

Honestly I loved both parts, but I’d say I loved part two just a little bit more for the time that James wasn’t under the curse anymore and LOVED Cordelia

which scene in the book was your favorite?

EVERY scene that had Matthew and James being wholesome parabatai in it!!! my favourite chapter in this book was Blue Ruin, the one after Grace takes the bracelet back from James  (aside from the whispering room ofc).

what scene (or scenes) made you cry the most?

ok ngl i didnt spend much of this book crying, but the only scene that actually made me tear up was when james was dying and matthew could feel it and jesse (WHO I FUCKING LOVED MORE THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD) gave him his last breath :(((((

what scenes were unsatisfactory?

there were not enough Christopher scenes (but to be fair, even if the entire book was just Christopher it still wouldnt be enough for me)

but fr, i cant think of any off the top of my head but i’ll edit this if i do later

what made you laugh the most?

matthew!! james!! thomas!! christopher!! also some of the things Jesse said

what bored you?

this wasn’t boring, but the whole charles/alastair plot line didn’t have me very invested. I did love the alastair/ cordelia scenes tho, so it was just charles that was the problem

also no offense to james bc he was my first actual fictional crush after reading TMH/NBS but like whenever he talked about being in grace i would literally zone out lol the bracelet curse makes him so boring but whenever he isnt in the curse/ is with someone who is NOT grace i just!! love him!!

what disappointed you?

cassie honestly had me kinda shipping matthew/cordelia for a solid FIVE SECONDS there when he stepped in to dance with her after james left her standing there, but that was one of the only scenes that made me feel like they had natural chemistry (along with the scene where he drops her off at her house). I felt like the during the rest of their interactions in the book, cordelia was kind of uncomfortable, which made me really sad because even tho she has every right to feel that way, i felt bad for matthew. I kind of want him to fall for someone else completely and for it to be reciprocated. also, i just really want for matthew and cordelia to become good friends because i feel like they could have such great natural chemistry if matthew didnt love her.

what is the top thing you wish had been done differently?

see above.

what things did you predict that came true?

JAMES BURNING DOWN BLACKTHORN MANOR I FUCKING SAID HE WOULD DO IT TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO IF YALL WANT ME TO LINK THE THEORY LMK

what are some things that were really unexpected?

ok there’s quite a few things here so bear w me babes:

- James genuinely loving cordelia from the start. I wasn’t expecting him to naturally feel nothing for grace at all, so i was expecting a slow burn jordelia, but finding out that he actually loves her makes me so happy but the end where cordelia thinks he was just pretending breaks my heart :(((

-matthew liking cordelia lol definitely was not expecting another parabatai love triangle but i hope it doesnt last. i do think it adds to the plot and i love it, it just hurts to see matthew so emo :(((

-I was expecting to like cordelia as a character, but i ended up LOVING her so fucking much???? she’s so three dimensional to me, and it’s interesting to see how her personality adapts around different characters as people adapt around different social circles irl

-liking jesse as much as i did

-ok so james’ entire character was a surprise to me. it’s so fascinating to see how the bracelet actually affected his personality.If you recall him in The Midnight Heir from TBC. he’s like an entirely different person. i still loved him in TMH but i went into CHOG thinking that if he was gonna be like that the entire time i’d probably get over him really quickly. i was pleasantly surprised by how much i ended up loving him even more tho

-i didn’t expect oliver hayward to die and im going to stay emo about it

- Christopher is so much more clear headed than he was made out to be prior?? like there were so many scenes where he was fully there and when he defended anna to alastair i just kfdsnfkld i love him

are there characters that you didn’t like before that you like now?

yikes umm... Alastair, maybe? he’s somewhat okay to me now, I dont dislike him as much as I used to. ooh and Hypatia Vex. the only scene i remember liking her in QOAAD was when she helped out kit, ty and dru (me, going a whole TSC post without somehow mentioning kit? not possible)

are there characters that you liked before that you don’t like now?

I started CHOG ready to give Grace the benefit of the doubt, and I was surprised by how timid and shy she seemed at the start, but it was interesting to see how it was all an act and how she doesn’t have an actual personality yet. one could argue that she actually does love james, but i doubt it at this point. i dont hate her yet, even tho she IS fucking up james’ life, but she’s on thin fucking ice.

who was your favorite new character?

does new character mean completely new or just never been in a novella new? because for the first, it would be Cordelia (i LOVE her sm!!) and other wise it would be james, matthew and co. also!!! jesse!!

what places in the book would you like to visit?

that hell dimension sounds pretty lit ngl

did you like the ending?

ok so. we KNOW that jordelia is gonna be endgame. cassandra clare always takes the hardest path to get there, but when has she not delivered? it’s just a matter of waiting. so, yes, i did like the ending in sense of the plot because it was a great twist, but i also feel really bad for all of them even tho ik they’re eventually gonna be together :(((

what did you think of the epilogue?

i wasnt surprised, since we alr know that Tatiana is shady asf, but i just really wanna know how she partnered up with a GREATER demon like lol wtf. again, im really happy in terms of plot with this

what are your thoughts on the engagement?

i feel so. fucking bad. for cordelia. and james too, even tho he’s under the bracelet’s curse so he doesnt even KNOW he’s being manipulated. but i love how even through the curse, james still loves cordelia in his own way.

what did you want to see that didn’t happen?

matthew getting therapy periodt

umm honestly i just want more “merry thieves” content like i just love. all of them.

what do you wish had been resolved that wasn’t?

i really want matthew to tell james or cordelia what happened because i just need him to be loved and supported lol i want to give him a hug. 

what is your favorite pairing as of now?

jordelia!!! and lucie and jesse are kind cute rn, and i like them if theyre gonna be pining after eachother but i feel like if they actually get together i wont like the relationship as much.

which characters would you like to see more of in the next book?

CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER 

ANNA!!! i lovED reading about her she’s so badass

matthew!! jesse!! also i wanna see more of those bitchy girls lol just so we can see anna or cordelia tell them to stfu

what is one character whose death you would undo if you could?

ok i know that jesse is still very much a conscious character despite being dead but like,,, i want him to be the way he was before and also i want him to come back to life

and barbara!! she seemed so sweet 

which characters got bad/unsatisfactory endings?

ummm barbara? i cant really say much on this yet bc its still only the first book and when has the first book ever ended up with anyone being happy.

oh but also can we sign a petition to make cassie let matthew actually survive the series because my heart aches just at the THOUGHT of eventually having to read a scene where he dies

which characters got what they deserved?

literally. none of them yet. :(

who should have died but didn’t?

Tatiana lol also lowkey charles but i also feel pity him to an extent 

what plotline are you most excited to see in the next book?

okay the entire jesse plot has me hooked because i LOVE his character. also i love the bracelet plot but its making me MAD because i just want james to be happy but

what is one scene that you wish hadn’t happened, but you know was unavoidable?

THE ONE WHERE GRACE PUTS THE BRACELET BACK ON JAMES. i mean obv there was no way he was completely done with grace, but i literally got so sad at that part like why HIM of all people smfh let him be happy

which pairing do you like the least?

alastair x charles, grace x james, lucie x matthew bc neither of them actually like either imo lol

what are some theories you have for chain of iron?

- not necessarily for COI but i think matthew is gonna get exiled and turned into made into a mundane

- the bracelet will break (?)

- jesse will come back to life (like actual life) at the end of the book

-grace is gonna do something to help the main characters, making it hard for us to hate her.

what characters do you think should have gotten more plot time?

lol are yall gonna hate me if i say christopher again (also anna)

anyways this was really fun!!!!! PLEASE ASK ME STUFF ABOUT MY OPINIONS AND STUFF OR JUST SAY ANYTHING ABT THE BOOK BC IM DESPERATE TO TALK TO PPL ABOUT IT

#chain of gold spoilers #chain of gold #james herondale #Cordelia Carstairs #Matthew Fairchild #lucie herondale #anna lightwood #thomas lightwood #alastair carstairs #charles fairchild #christopher lightwood #grace blackthorn #jesse blackthorn #tatiana blackthorn #the last hours #tlh #cassandra clare #the last hours spoilers #chog spoilers

[flamingodingo]

Merlin- S1:E1- The Dragon’s Call

Hey so I decided to rewatch Merlin because I never quite finished it and don’t remember what happened enough to pick up where I left off, and I thought I’d blog my thoughts about it! All I really remember, besides the obvious, is how remarkably shippable Arthur and Merlin were despite that clearly not being the writers intention. I have a feeling I’ll come to the same conclusion with this rewatch, especially since I’m starting out with my gay goggles on, but who knows?? Let’s gooooooooooooooooo

**obv this will not be spoiler free but A. The show has been over for a long time and B. all spoilers will be under the cut**

Hey so now that I’ve done this, I’d decided I don’t want to continue because I simply don’t care that much about this show. So, sorry if you enjoyed this, don’t expect any more.

Colin Morgan is honestly the most adorable little nugget of a man <3

Ok this CGI effect for the reveal of the kingdom is .... not good actually .... 

The score, however, is gorgeous. I mean we all know the main theme is a bop but just listen to the music as he looks around here, it’s so grand and fantastic.

All of this video quality is actually just not great, when the heck is this from again? *googles* It aired in 2008. I feel like 2008 TV looked better than this but I was also only 10 so what do I know.

I love Uther’s style of crown. It’s very simple and dignified.

I truly can’t imagine why people would choose to attend an execution. Like, what compels someone to go witness something like that? I know the past was boring, what with the lack of television and the illiteracy of the general population, but how do you get so bored you go watch someone get beheaded for a bogus crime like “conspiracy to use magic”?

LMAO these effects are corny as hell actually- re: sorceress disappearing in the wind.

What a weird welcome to Camelot for Merlin.

I like how Gaius just interrogates this stranger in his house about his magical ability with no idea whatsoever who he is.

Gaius is like a million years old and he still has a better hairline than me, honestly how rude.

Loving Morgana’s willingness to tell off Uther.

Uther says Morgana wasn’t around 20 years ago, how old is she supposed to be?

Traveling in the past must have been fucking terrifying. Even with guards, I can’t imagine just pitching a tent in the middle of the woods on my way to wherever and sleeping peacefully. If you’re out there traveling, who knows who else might be?

It’s so incredible how far we’ve come with special affects. That sorceress melting into the singer lady must’ve been relatively impressive when this aired and now I just chuckled at it.

Arthur is such a dick and I hate it but fuck he’s so handsome.

Merlin is such a good boy to stand up to Arthur. I mean, even not knowing he’s the prince, that’s still a pretty bold thing to do to someone who is obviously still wealthier and more powerful than you, particularly when he has a whole gaggle of idiots to support him and he’s just proven he knows his way around a weapon.

“Do you know how to walk on your knees?”  “No.”  “Would you like me to help you?”  “I wouldn’t if I were you.”  “Why? What are you going to do to me?”  “You have no idea.” Who wrote these lines and then let them say them so remarkably homosexually? Like really, truly, who watched them act this scene and went “Ah yes, this tension is exactly perfect and does not feel at all sexual”?

Do you think Uther knows his son is a gigantic asshole? Like, do you think if he found out Arthur had Merlin thrown in jail just for calling him an ass, he would have had him freed because “well he’s right, you know”? Probably not.

Gwen is so incredibly beautiful <3 And she’s kind, too. What a lady, I love her.

Interesting, the actors are saying Guinevere, but the subtitles are saying Gwenhwyfer.

I can see how throwing food at people in the stocks would be fun, actually, especially if it’s like someone who pickpocketed you.

Choosing to keep one dragon “as an example” is basically asking for someone to come free that dragon. It is immensely hubristic to assume that nothing would go wrong with that.

Ok I know that doll in “Lady Helen’s” room is kind of sketchy but especially as someone who doesn’t know anything about the materials required for magic, I have no idea what prompts Merlin to start going through her stuff.

“Lady Helen’s” purple dress really does something for me. That’s a great cut and color, thought tbh the material looks kinda cheap.

I love Merlin’s little neck scarf thing. Maybe I should get one of them. It’d look exceptionally queer on me.

Alright so that bit earlier with the blind man was questionable but this whole “deaf as well as dumb” comment really isn’t necessary. I know Arthur is an asshole and also it’s 2008 so I don’t really expect better, it’s just still gross. We’ve taken some big steps in the US re: LGBTQ+ folks and recently there has been a surge in the push for racial justice, I hope the next movement that gets some extra traction is disability rights. So much ableism is embedded in our language, culture, and comedy and it’s really not ok. We have a lot of work to do.

“I could take you apart with one blow.” “I could take you apart with less than that.” THIS IS VERY GAY IM SORRY IT IS JUST INCREDIBLY GAY

I have no idea where Merlin got all his audacity but I really enjoy it. Like, “How long have you been training to be a prat, my lord?”? That’s gold.

“There’s something about you, Merlin. I can’t quite put my finger on it.” THIS IS ALSO QUITE GAY

Merlin is SO dramatic, how old is he supposed to be?

I mean his dramatics are a bit, uh, dramatic, but he really is just sweet and lost and scared. I can’t imagine having all that power, totally effortlessly, and not having any idea why but knowing I can’t use it.

Merlin sleeps in a room, but Gaius sleeps in the middle of his workshop. so, did Gaius give up his room to Merlin could have one? That’d be incredibly sweet.

There is a candle burning on Gaius’ nightstand while he sleeps. That’s a fire hazard? 

Why the fuck was the gate to get down to the dragon open?????? 

I’m so distracted by the quality of these special effects. They’re not like truly horrible but they’re not quite good yet either and I think it’s the inbetween state here that’s getting me.

Merlin has this habit of entering rooms really quietly and it really seems to be how he gets himself into trouble quite often.

While I am on the Arthur/Merlin train 100%, I see and respect Gwen/Merlin shippers. They’re both horrendously awkward, it’s very funny.

Morgana’s dress is so hot.

“Lady Helen’s” dress is fugly

I wonder what language this song is in.

This lip synching is really bad omg

Imagine being so out of touch that you think making someone your son’s servant is a reward. Like I get that working in the royal household is an honor or whatever but he’s still literally a servant

Ok but how is calling Arthur Merlin’s destiny NOT gay? I mean come on. 

#merlin #merlin liveblog #tw capital punishment #Merlin S1:E1 #Merlin: The Dragon's Call #TW ableist language #real life