#normally a workout leaves me starving the rest of the day but today I’ve had lots of protein and I’m not hungry!!

[macncheesenibblers]

Life’s better when you find protein sources that don’t nauseate you ❤️💖✨👑👸

#it’s called hard boiled eggs: make em into egg salad or douse them in ranch #and allowing myself to eat the ‘unhealthy’ processed meat cuz that’s the only kind I consistently like #and allowing myself to eat the ‘unhealthy’ cheese #and I also found a brand of cottage cheese I like better #normally a workout leaves me starving the rest of the day but today I’ve had lots of protein and I’m not hungry!! #food #food tw #also I won’t eat Greek yogurt cuz that shit feels like mucus. it’s the ‘unhealthy’ whole milk yogurt for me sir #do you see a theme here #like for real whole milk yogurt is infinitely better

[billyspotato]

Visiting Day [Part 2] - Eric Coulter

Words: 3.100+ words

Type: Fluff

Warnings: English is not my first language, sorry if I misspell anything. Maybe swearing? Being naked?

[Part 1]    [Part 2]

A/N: Gif’s not mine :)

“I swear on Earth itself, Eric, if you don’t get your ass up” You start while listening to the alarm beside you.

Eric is rarely slow on getting up, but he still had these days where he doesn’t feel like it. He knows he can’t fall back asleep, so, he leaves the alarm playing to wake up the whole building.

The man under you moves slightly and the alarm is turned off, leaving your ears ringing slightly, because you were that close to the alarm.

You open your eyes to look at the buff blondie under you and he looks like he is getting ready to fall back asleep.

“You have to go train the initiates” You tell him while looking up at him, his eyes open as you do so, and he quickly glares down at you.

“Don’t remind me” He says with his raspy and low voice, a result from sleeping.

You roll off him and lay your head on your pillow, so Eric can’t use you as an excuse to stay and not work, and he groans out of frustration when his, now exposed, torso meets the cold breeze.

“Aren’t you working today?” He asks pulling your hair away from your face, just to gain your attention.

“Only after breakfast” You answer and open your eyes just to see his reaction.

A glare is all you get before he rolls his eyes in annoyance and sits up in the bed. You close your eyes again as he pulls himself up, probably revealing his naked self to the world.

As Eric starts looking through the drawers for clean clothes and you fall asleep again.

(…)

You walk in the cafeteria and see all the initiates eating their breakfast like they’ve been starved. You can’t blame them, the 6am workouts are the worst, no food in your system, only water. You felt like passing out most of the time when you did them.

You feel that people are looking at you as you walk up the metal stairs and once you check, many initiates are actually looking at you. Majority guys, but some girls as well. You can’t really tell what their looks mean since when you got interested, you were already up the stairs.

“Y/N” One of the leaders says when laying his eyes on you, “You got to save us before it’s too late”

You walk to his table confused and he smiles when the other leaders laugh at his choice of words.

“Eric is in a bad mood today” He says, and you can’t help but chuckle.

“Okay?”

“More than normal” He explains, “Some initiates annoyed him today at training and now we’re all paying the price”

You look around the tables filled with leaders and other kind of Dauntless members.

Your eyes land on the blonde man sitting alone and you’re able to tell that he’s annoyed just by how tense he looks.

You decide to go grab a muffin for your breakfast before going to him and some other leaders look at you, almost as if thanking for your existence.

No one, not even Max, can deal with Eric when he’s in his worst mood.

Once you’re close enough, Eric scrubs his face with his hands in frustration and you put down your food next to him, on the table.

“What’s up, bubs?” You ask in a loving and playful tone as he sighs out loud.

You put your legs over each side of the bench and take a good look at Eric, who hasn’t even looked at you. You lay your hand on his shoulder lightly and move it over to his neck, trying to relax his tense muscles by caressing his skin.

“I hate having to deal with initiates” He admits, pulling his hands away from his face and laying his cheek on his fist while looking at his food.

You stay silent for a bit, taking in what he’s saying and waiting to see if he wants to say anything else, before you jump in and talk.

“Are they that annoying today?” You ask while playing with the short hair on the back of his head with your nails.

He scoffs at your words as if they weren’t even half of what he experienced today.

“You’re going to have fun with them” Eric says ironically, not answering your question.

Oh, it’s that bad.

You’re not one to get easily irritated when training initiates because you try to understand that most of these people never fought or held a gun, but there are exceptions. And people compared you to Eric when those exceptions were a part of your day.

From disrespecting you or any other leader to refusing to work, you couldn’t just tolerate it. You’re okay when people feel exhausted and want to take a breather, but not when they step a foot on the gym and say, ‘I’m not doing it’.

No, that is not happening.

You decide not to talk any further about the matter and change the subject.

“We have ‘capture the flag’ today” You tell him, and he lets his shoulders fall and looks at the wall in disbelief. He completely forgot.

“Can’t Four go for me?” He asks and you smile at his words.

“No” You say, making him finally look at you, “I’ve been waiting to play against you since I became a leader. Don’t take this easy win from my hands, now”

Eric laughs at your words and you smile at him, noticing him finally relaxing.

“Easy win, uh?” He asks when calming down his laughter.

“Yeah, don’t think so?” You ask while smiling and he grabs his cup smiling back.

“You’re going to lose so fast” He says in almost a whisper and you gasp dramatically at his words before laughing slightly.

“You wish, Coulter”

(…)

You understand Eric’s annoyance, now. The initiates are starting to get to your nerves.

Not all of them. There’s this group of guys and girls that just make you want to rip your hair out. They are just doing the bare minimum.

You look at Four in annoyance and he sighs next to you.

The both of you look at the group of guys hitting a boxing bag each and you roll your eyes when noticing that they’re making fun of a girl next to them.

“Hey!” You shout, making your voice echo from the huge gym and the guys (and everyone else) look at you, “Stop playing around and start training! How many times have I told you this?”

One of the guys covers his mouth with his hand and you can tell that he’s trying not to laugh.

“10 laps around the gym” You order, and they look at you in disbelief.

Four walks away when noticing that there are some initiates who need help, back at the boxing bags, and you stay where you’re standing.

The boys continue to look at you and you frown at them.

“Didn’t hear me?” I ask and they nod.

Here’s the thing, initiates are not used to run around the gym, specially when they had a 6am workout with Eric, which was running through the whole premises of the Dauntless faction. Initiates run across when warming up, while Dauntless borns run around the room. Seems easy until you notice that your trainer wants you to run close to the walls and not take short cuts.

Damn you, Eric.

As the three boys start their laps around the room, you walk to over to the girl that was being made fun off.

“What’s your name?” You ask her and she looks at you, scared.

She answers you and you nod, looking back at the ranking board. Bellow the red line.

Once you start instructing the girl on how to really hit the boxing bag and adjusting her positioning, your sister’s eyes were glued on you.

She hasn’t really seen you up close since the altercation with your parents, but she has been trying her best on each training session.

She tries not to ask for help when it’s you or Eric training her, she doesn’t want to seem annoying and a slow learner to the two of you, but Four and other trainers really help her after hours.

You step away from the girl as she gets the hang of it all and you look around to see if there’s anyone else struggling, everything looks fine. You look around to check on the boys and they’re still running. God damn miracle.

(…)

You help some trainers carry the equipment to the train and Eric continues to make sure that he has every initiate in the big group of teenagers in front of him.

“Do we have everything?” You ask and the trainers nod.

You walk over to Eric and the trainers make their way to the front carriages, since they’re just going to monitor everything while the game happens, therefore, they don’t need to occupy more space in the only carriage you’re using.

Eric tells the initiates to get on the train and he’s quick to follow them, while you continue to look for your sister. Once you find her, you notice her talking and laughing with another girl, making you feel relieved over her finally having friends.

You walk close to the doors after checking if everyone is on and Eric stretches his hand out for you. You take it and he quickly pulls you into the carriage.

You close the sliding door once the train starts to move and Eric does the same.

“Alright” Eric starts, gaining silence and everyone’s attention, “We’re playing a game like ‘capture the flag’”

You grab one of the bags and pass it to Eric, who grabbed it and grabbed one of the guns.

“Weapon of choice,” He says, holding it so everyone can see, “A gun in which has neurostim darts as bullets, simulates the pain of a real gunshot wound. Only lasts a couple of minutes”

You see everyone tense up as the words ‘gun shot wound’ comes out of Eric’s mouth and you chuckle slightly.

“We’ll have two teams, me and Eric are captains” You say to everyone, making them look at you. You look over at Eric and smirk, “You can choose first”

Eric smirks back and says the name of the guy at the top of the leader board, making you bite the inside of your cheek in frustration. You’re quick to answer with the second on the leader board and Eric glares at you, gaining a smile.

“Y/S/N” You say, and she looks over at you in shock, expecting to be one of the lasts to be picked.

“Uh, picking the weak ones so you have someone to blame when you lose?” Eric asks and you roll your eyes at him.

You two continue to pick the rest of your team members until there’s no more initiates and the train stops. Eric and you jump out of the train and walk over to the amusement park in silence, the trainers are already going to their spots in case someone tries to trespass the limits of the park or if a medic is needed.

You play with the flags, both of them glowing in the dark intensely, and you give Eric the green one.

“You can have the ugly one” You tell him, and he grabs it, chuckling at you.

You two walk in the park and separate right away, so that Eric can go find a place to hide his flag.

“Alright everyone, we just have to wait until we hear the horn. Once we hear it, the game starts” You explain to your side of the team.

You take a look around the group and notice the fear written on some of their faces, especially your sister, she looked terrified.

And she is. She’s terrified of the idea of making you lose. She’s terrified of today being one of the days that her aim is awful. She’s scared of making you look bad.

“So, we’ll obviously need an offense and defense team. I’ll be in the defense, who wants to come with me?” You ask, grabbing your sister’s attention and most of the team lifts up their arm.

You start arranging the team, giving yourself more defense players, since you believe that Eric’s team is too good to let a big group of people run past them, towards the flag. And on the last minute, you look over to your sister.

“Actually, you’ll be offense” You tell your sister, making her look at you with widen eyes.

“What?” She whispers and you ignore her shock to look at the team.

“I’ll stay down here fighting while you guys try your best to get that flag, I can’t be the one to get it” You explain and everyone nods, “Don’t push if you don’t feel safe enough to do it. These darts hurt more than you think”

Well, that didn’t really relax anyone.

“Last 30 seconds” A trainer announces, and you look over at her and at your team.

“Let’s go” You say with a smile.

Everyone follows you while trying to fight their nerves and anxiety and as you take another step, the horn sounds.

You whisper commands as all of you start moving as a group and they all do as told, no hesitation.

You look over at your sister and she is too focused on what’s in front of her to notice your stare.

“Relax, I got you” You whisper only to her and she looks at you, almost forcing her muscles to do what you told her to.

Once all of you enter the center of the amusement park, you start looking around. It’s empty, no sign of the enemy team.

But you know Eric too much. This is a trap.

“Go around to their side” You whisper to half of your offense team and they run off right in that second. “Try to see where their flag is”

Your side of the team starts looking around as careful as ever while you continue to look at every box and wall suspiciously.

“There” Your sister says, and you look at her. She points at the second tallest tower of the amusement park; you can just see the tip of the flag waving with the wind. Bastards, they know how to hide it.

“Let’s go that way” You tell them and they all nod.

You all hesitate to go over the center of the park and go around just like the other half of your team, and once you meet them, you hear someone shout.

“They’re over here!”

You’re sure that’s Eric defense screaming, and him and his offense are coming right at you right now.

“You” You start by looking at your sister, “Go with those two to the flag” You order, pointing at other 2 team members, and she doesn’t move, “Now!”

The three of them get up and start running to the tower and you start hearing footsteps, many of them.

“They’re coming” You tell the rest of your team.

Everyone in your team peaks over the boxes and as you hear them start firing their darts, you help them.

Not all your darts hit someone or something, but with the help of some of the others from your team, you’re able to bring at least 4 players down.

“They’re defense is pushing us as well”

You decide to stop looking and aiming at the offensive team and try to deal with defense on your own.

You’re quick to study the scenery, how many teenagers do you see peeking out from the boxes and of course, how bad their aim is.

You’re not trying to lose an eye today.

After some more shooting, you’re able to bring down two of the defensemen and some of your team are also screaming in pain behind you.

You decide to push in when noticing that their defense is not trying to get up any soon and some of your teammates do the same.

They’re quick and silent when following you into better positioning.

How does your team not have the flag yet?

You peek again and smirk at the sight.

“Oh, there you are” You whisper to yourself before shooting at Eric.

He’s quick to move back and you look for a way to push in more.

A sharp pain hits your shoulder and you hiss in pain as you feel it. You look over to your side and you’re quick to react with the trigger as you see a guy from Eric’s team aiming at you.

You lean back on the box once he falls and you pull off the dart, smashing it to the ground. You’ll never get used to this pain.

You push in when noticing that your team is still standing like before and run closer to Eric. You notice him fighting a girl from your team and quickly shoot him on the arm and leg.

A tone of darts are shot your way as you do it and you’re quick to duck under the box. As you move over to the side, another sharp pain hits your thigh and you groan when caught by surprise.

You look around in confusion and quickly see Eric behind another box, now in front of you.

How the hell did he move so fast?

You crouch while hissing in pain from your leg and try to get better positioning, but you’re almost surrounded.

Eric peeks at you again after being done with another guy from your team and you pull the trigger, hitting him on this forearm. As he hisses him pain, you push in and land another two darts in his leg and a last one on his chest.

You duck again and a loud horn is heard around the park, snapping you back into reality.

You look over to the tower and see your sister with the green flag in her hands, waving it around as your team starts cheering.

You chuckle and stand up, regretting it right in the same second because of the sharp pain still circulating on your tight.

“You alright there, old man?” You ask when noticing that Eric hasn’t stood up.

“Fuck you” He says in a groan of pain and you smile.

(…)

You laugh at Eric when walking out of the park and he smiles down at you. You play with the flag on your hands and look around, finding your sister, talking to her friend.

You step away from Eric and he stops walking to look at what you were about to do.

Your sister looks at you and smiles right away. You give her the flag and she takes it.

“You deserve it” You tell her before walking back to Eric while still looking at her and grabbing his hand, “But just make sure to give it back, they have this weird thing about keeping it extremely clean for next year”

She nods before you could turn back around and you all walk back to train.

- - - - - -

A/n: I feel like this could’ve been better, sorry that it’s so simple.

I decided to tag everyone that asked for a part 2 and commented on the last part: @scarhades​ @seafrost-fangirl​ @letsthedogpackandthecats​ @prettyinblack231​ @a-dorky-book-keeper​ @xxxxxerrorxxxxx​ @artaxerxesthegreat​ @taina-eny​ @caro-jean​ @nico-jai-1​  @thatoneweirdfoxysexygirl 

🌸✨Sorry, but I’m not writing in this account anymore. Go check out my new one @twinklelilstarkey ✨🌸

#Eric Coulter #eric coulter imagines #eric coulter imagine #eric coulter x reader #jai courtney #jai courtney x reader #divergent #divergent imagine #insurgent #insurgent imagine #eric x reader

[jaskierswolf]

You Set My Heart Ablaze Pt11/25

Previous

The gym stank of sweat and the air was thick with testosterone and fragile masculinity. Renfri snarled as one of men wolf whistled at her and she punched the bag in front of her harder and then spun round to hit the bag with a flying kick, imagining it was the idiot’s face. She loved the gym. She loved the feel of her muscles burning. She loved being strong and knowing she could crush any one of these pathetic losers in a fight.

But they only saw her as a woman.

They saw her as weak.

They saw her as a potential conquest.

She screamed and let a sequence of punches and kicks loose on the bag and then half collapsed onto it. Her gloves wrapped around the back of the punching bag and she hugged it close as she caught her breath.

She heard the sound of laughter behind her and she spun round to yell at the poor person who had underestimated her.

The shout caught in her throat.

It was Lambert.

His long ginger hair was half tied up behind his head and dripping with sweat. He’d clearly already started his workout before deciding to bother her instead.

“Whoa there.” He put his gloved hands up in front of his face to defend himself from her obvious ire. “I was laughing at the poor bag! I promise.”

Renfri glanced over to where the other men in the gym were standing at, ogling at her like she was a piece of meat, and then back to Lambert. “You’d be the first one.”

Lambert raised an eyebrow and looked over at the other men. He scoffed. “You could take them easily, Shrike.”

“Oh I know.”

“Want to test the theory?” His eyes danced playfully.

She punched her gloves together. “Fuck yes.”

Lambert flexed the muscles in his arms and waved the guys over. “Oi! Care for a little competition?”

The men ambled over, grinning lecherously at her. She rolled her eyes and stretched her muscles before pulling off her gloves. She wouldn’t need them for the type of sparring that Lambert had in mind. It would be less boxing and more street fight. Her hands were still wrapped up under the gloves to offer her knuckles enough protection and the heavy weight of the boxing gloves would only slow her down.

“Yeah. We’re interested.” Moron number one said.

Lambert tilted his head. “Two on two. Me and Shrike versus you two. First team to both tap out loses.”

“Standard rules?” Moron number two asked.

The gym’s boxing ring meant that sparring was not unusual and there was a set of rules drilled into the wall after one memorable fight where one the boxers had been bitten and had had to go to hospital.

Lambert nodded. “Keep it clean.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll go easy on your girl.”

“Not his girl.” Renfri growled.

“Whatever, sweetheart.”

Lambert smirked and cuffed Renfri lightly round the head. She retaliated with a quick swipe to his side. “Bit of advice fellas? Don’t hold back. She won’t.”

They howled in laughter as they took in Renfri’s smaller form.

She grinned.

This was going to be so much fun.

She’d sparred with Lambert enough times to know his style, his strengths, his weaknesses, and he knew the same about her so they easily slipped into a dancing rhythm as they dodged and attacked their partners. When Lambert got caught in the stomach by a well time blow, Renfri was there to pull him back out of danger and block the next punch before spinning round and knocking the other man round the head. Lambert yelled as he launched his next attack on the poor pitiless men who had underestimated her. The man didn’t manage to get his hands up in time before he was thrown towards the ropes under the sheer weight of Lambert. He tapped out shortly after that. Lambert winked at her and tapped out, dunking under the ropes to help the other man out of the ring and leaving Renfri alone against their final opponent.

“Is that all you got, girl?” He spat at her.

Renfri rolled her eyes and beckoned him forward. He lunged at her like the brute that he was. She easily side-stepped the attack and kicked the man as he passed her, propelling him into the ropes. He grunted and spun round to attack her but he was too slow, she’d already caught him in the stomach with another punch and a quick swipe at his ankles sent him crashing to the ground.

He groaned as he struggled to catch his breath.

Renfri pouted down at him.

“Aww. Is that all you got?” She laughed and Lambert whooped from where his was now resting his arms on the ropes on the other side of the ring.

“Fuck you!” The man spat and went to grabbed her but she’d already predicted the attack and she leapt back. He crashed onto his stomach and she straddled his waist to pin him down. She pressed her palm against the back of his neck.

“Never gonna happen, sweetheart.” She pressed harder against his neck.

The man writhed under her trying to get free but Renfri had had far too much practice in the ring.

The man yelled but reluctantly thumped his hand twice against the mat. Renfri was off him in a heartbeat, not wanting the pervert to get the wrong idea. Lambert was already in the ring to give her hug. It was sweaty and disgusting but she laughed all the same.

The normal fight etiquette was to help your partner up at the end. She glanced back at the man who was practically whimpering on the mat and then turned to his friend. “You can take care of that. We’re done here.”

She ducked out of the ropes and made her way to the shower rooms to clean off, agreeing to meet Lambert outside so they could grabbed some lunch together. She was starving after all the exercise, she felt like she could eat a horse!

“Sorry Roach!” She laughed to herself as she grabbed her gym bag.

After her shower she changed and towel dried her hair before going outside to meet up with Lambert. His hair was still damp, from the shower this time instead of sweat, and he’d changed into an oversized hoody. She bumped her shoulder against his as the walked down the street.

“Where to Wolf?” She asked as her stomach rumbled.

He shrugged. “Thought maybe some sandwiches and coffee?”

She hummed in agreement. “Coffee is always good. I thought you were hanging out with Eskel today?”

He scoffed. “Yeah. We were supposed to. The bastard goat of his got sick and had to go to the vets.”

Renfri frowned. Eskel adored his pet goat like it was his child. “That’s rough. Is he alright?”

Lambert laughed darkly. “Eskel or the goat?”

Renfri grinned. “Both?”

“The bastard ate something he shouldn’t have. Eskel is just being paranoid. That goat eats anything and everything.” Lambert drawled and opened the door to the coffee shop that they’d stopped outside.

Renfri grimaced at the pink streamers and confetti in the shop window. She’d forgotten it was nearly February already. St Julian’s day was coming up, a celebration of the saint of love and music. It always drove Renfri insane. She hated it. People became sick with love and romance, and in all honesty she’d never understood the fuss. Romance had never been something she’d experienced nor particularly wanted. She was more than happy with her friends and the little family they’d become.

Still, that didn’t mean she enjoyed having other people’s romantic bliss being shoved down her throat in the build up to St Julian’s day, the constant questions of when she was going to get a husband and settle down, or when are you going to have kids, Renfri?

How about never?

She wasn’t broken and she didn’t need a romantic partner to feel like a success in life.

If she told herself that enough she might start to believe it.

Yeah, St Julian’s day was not her most favourite day of the year.

She took a deep breath and went inside. The bell chimed as they stepped through.

Renfri froze and Lambert almost crash into her.

“What the fuck, Shrike?”

Renfri spun round and clapped her hand over his mouth . “Shut it!” She pointed to a corner of the coffee shop where Geralt was sat with Ciri’s teacher.

Lambert mumbled something and licked her hand. She grimaced and pulled her hand away, wiping the saliva down Lambert’s hoody.

“What the fuck?” Lambert repeated more quietly. “What’s he doing with the teacher?”

“I don’t know!” She hissed. “Now move, you prick!” She tried to shove him out of the door but he didn’t budge.

“I’m gonna go talk to them.” Lambert decided and Renfri groaned.

“This is a terrible idea.”

“You go then!”

“I’m not leaving!”

“Then come on!” Lambert tugged her towards Geralt and Jaskier.

Jaskier spotted them first.

“Oh shit!” He cursed and leapt up from the table. “Ah. Hello!” He waved cheerily. “Geralt your friends are here!”

“Fuck!” Geralt swore and spun round to glare at them.

Unfortunately for the White Wolf both Renfri and Lambert were well acquainted with his death glare and ignored it without a second thought.

“Geralt!” Lambert pulled the other fireman into a sideways hug. “We didn’t know you had a date!”

“Not a date!” Jaskier chimed up. “Right Geralt?”

“Not a date.” Geralt agreed. “Mr Pankratz was just telling me…”

“Oh it’s Mr Pankratz now is it?” Lambert asked with a smirk. “What happened to Jaskier, or should I say Dandelion?

“Oh a fan! Geralt mentioned you were a fan! I’ve never met a fan before. Did you want an autograph? Or is that too presumptuous.” Jaskier blushed and fidgeted with his hands.

“He doesn’t want an autograph.” Geralt answered, ignoring Lambert’s protests.

“So if it’s not a date?” Renfri quirked an eyebrow at the very date like setting.

“I… I was just passing by you see.” Jaskier stammered. “The lemon drizzle cake in this shop is just to die for!”

“And I was already here.” Geralt added.

“Getting coffee!” Jaskier agreed. “We all love coffee. That’s why we’re here! Coffee!”

“I think you might have had enough caffeine.” Renfri muttered and crossed her arms.

Jaskier laughed almost hysterically at that. “But I couldn’t just leave without saying hello! It would be rude of me.”

Geralt grunted in agreement.

“So I thought what’s the harm in popping over for a quick chat and then you came in and here we are!” Jaskier finished.

Lambert chuckled and smirked at her. “He knows I was only joking right?”

Renfri shook her head. “I don’t think he does. So where’s your lemon drizzle cake?”

Jaskier looked back at the table. Between the two coffees, one black and one covered in what looked like caramel syrup, was a large slice of chocolate cake.

“Did I say lemon drizzle cake?” Jaskier blanched.

Lambert laughed and patted the teacher roughly on the back. Jaskier yelped and his fingers were twitching nervously at his side. “Relax. We don’t care what you do.”

“It’s not a date.” Geralt growled. “Leave him alone.”

“Then why are you lying, Ger-Bear?” Renfri asked as she sat down in Jaskier’s vacated seat, helping herself to the chocolate cake.

“We’re…” Geralt paused, obviously struggling to find the right word.

“Friends.” Jaskier finished looking back at Geralt apparently not noticing Geralt’s frown at the word. “We’re friends but some people might find it a bit strange given that I’m his daughter’s teacher. If it got back to my boss…”

“Then why bother at all?” Lambert scoffed. “How did you even become friends any way?”

Geralt opened his mouth to speak but Jaskier cut him off. Renfri rolled her eyes. How did Geralt put up with this idiot? The way Geralt had described him, Renfri had pictured some cool but slightly dorky plaid wearing nerd… not this… this… whatever this was?

“That was my fault! Geralt mentioned about Ciri wanting to learn an instrument and well that’s sort of something I love and I just talked his ear off about it for, gods, it must have been hours.”

“It was half an hour after school.” Geralt corrected.

“And well after that it sort of just became a habit. Geralt would pop in after work every so often to ask if everything was going alright with Ciri.” Jaskier continued. “We were all worried about her when she first started and when the holidays were approaching we knew it would be hard.”

“Her first solstice without her real family.”

“Geralt! You are her real family now. We’ve talked about this!” Jaskier chided him and patted the other man on the shoulder. “But umm… after a while, we sort of stopped talking about Ciri and just talked about, well, life! And…” Jaskier paused as he suddenly focussed on Renfri. “Hang on! Is that my cake?!”

“Our cake.” Geralt added. “Don’t take it personally. She does it all the time.”

“But I was really looking forward to that!” Jaskier whined.

Renfri smirked and looked the teacher steadily in the eyes as she took another mouthful of chocolate cake. It was deliciously moist and rich. “Is that chocolate fudge icing?” Renfri mumbled around her mouthful of cake.

Jaskier gaped at her and put his hands on his hips.

“Geralt!” He pouted.

“Renfri, leave the cake. Otherwise I’ll never hear the end of it.” Geralt said giving the teacher a soft smile, one Renfri had rarely seen before. “He talks enough as it is.”

“We hadn’t noticed.” Renfri drawled sarcastically but put her fork down on the plate reluctantly.

“I had.” Lambert argued and Renfri punched him in the arm before peering at Jaskier’s coffee.

The teacher lunged for his cup, knocking into the table and spilling both his and Geralt’s coffee over the table. “Oh no. No no no!” He picked up the mug and cradled it to his chest. “You stole my cake. You are not stealing my coffee too!”

Renfri cackled at his possessiveness over the drink. “Is there even any coffee in that monstrosity? It looks like pure sugar!”

Jaskier rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Do all firefighters drink their coffee black as smoke?”

Geralt smirked. “It’s on the application form.”

“Fuck off.” Jaskier glared at him. “I know you’re all laughing at me. Honestly, I thought we were friends Geralt!”

Lambert laughed hard at that and Renfri rolled her eyes at him. “That was your first mistake.”

“We should move tables.” Geralt suggested as he tried to mop up Jaskier’s mess with some napkins. “This one isn’t big enough for four.”

Jaskier’s expression changed from one of horror and offence to fondness in a heartbeat.

Well wasn’t that an interesting development.

Geralt had never mentioned that his crush on the teacher was requited. Although all that talk of friends was probably throwing the white wolf off.

“Well seeing as my seat and my cake have both been stolen.” Jaskier huffed and narrowed his eyes at Renfri. “I’ll get us more coffee and cake whilst you guys chose a new table. Any requests?”

“Not cake.” Lambert said. When Jaskier gave him a questioning look he shrugged. “I’ll come with you. I want a sandwich.”

The pair of them shuffled over to the counter to order whilst Geralt and Renfri gathered up their belongings from the smaller table and moved it to a double one in the centre of the room. One of the staff looked wearily at the mess of coffee soaked napkins that were left behind. Geralt tried to scooped them up to put in the bin but he was shooed away as they picked up their cleaning supplies to get to work. It was a battle not worth fighting so both firefighters mumbled an apology.

Renfri was watching Geralt carefully as they sat down. He was too busy looking over at Jaskier to notice, sipping what was left of his coffee. Geralt frequently spoke about Jaskier at work when they were in between jobs, mostly in reference to Ciri and the wolf pack would always laugh and joke about his attachment to the teacher but it was completely different seeing it in person.

She hadn’t realised how close the two men had become.

Geralt had never mentioned going to see Jaskier after school and now outside of school too. Regardless of what tales Jaskier spun, Renfri was certain that this little coffee date was not an accident or a spontaneous affair. She felt bitter that Geralt felt like he couldn’t trust them with the truth. Yes, they’d teased him about Jaskier but he should have realised that the wolves would support him no matter what.

They were family.

But what if Geralt was starting to build a new family without them?

They’d already added Ciri to the mix, which really she didn’t mind. It was nice to have another girl around when they got together. The boys didn’t quite understand how draining it was to be the odd one out every single day, even if she was just one of the boys, but that didn’t mean she wanted another intruder into their tight family unit.

And come to think of it, it was always Geralt that brought new people into the mix. Yennefer, Ciri, Jaskier.

Were they not enough for him?

She pulled the chocolate cake back towards her. Jaskier was getting new cake anyway and she was still fucking hungry. The movement was more heavy-handed than she’d meant it to be and it drew Geralt’s attention.

He tilted his head at her.

“I’m fine.” She grumbled and stuffed a forkful of the delicious cake into her mouth.

“Renfri…”

“I said I’m fine.” She spat out, crumbs spraying the table. “Just keep mooning over the teacher.”

Geralt frowned. “I am not mooning.”

“You’re forgetting about us.” Renfri snarled.

“What the fuck, Renfri?” Geralt huffed. “Where would you get an idea like that?”

Renfri scoffed but didn’t say anything and Geralt didn’t have a chance to push for an answer as Lambert and Jaskier came back carrying trays filled with coffee and food. The teacher was chatting away without a care in the world about his band and the new album he was working on with Ciri’s ukulele teacher. Lambert was pestering him for the chords of the previous songs but Jaskier was reluctant to give up his secrets.

“Come on you bastard!” Lambert growled. “A favour for Ciri’s favourite uncle?”

Jaskier put his tray down and rested his hand on his hip with a smirk. “I thought Eskel was Ciri’s favourite uncle?”

Lambert looked like he wanted to wrestle the teacher to the ground. “Who told you that? Geralt? He’s a fucking liar.”

Jaskier just laughed and Geralt smiled fondly across at him like he’d hung the moon. “Ciri told me actually.”

“Bollocks!” Lambert growled.

“It’s true!” Jaskier argued.

“Fuck that!”

“I am wounded that you don’t believe me. Geralt, tell him!” Jaskier pouted.

“I didn’t say anything.” Geralt smirked.

Renfri watched the whole exchange as she pulled one of the sandwiches off the tray. Perhaps she shouldn’t have eaten the cake first but what was the point in being an adult if you couldn’t eat dessert first?

She was absolutely stunned and how quickly Lambert and Jaskier seemed to have bonded. Her friend was probably just a bit starstruck from meeting Dandelion. What was it about this teacher that had her friends acting all silly?

He was too chatty and annoying.

Ok so maybe she was jealous.

Maybe she was scared.

She sighed.

She just didn’t want to be left behind as her friends began to find partners. It wouldn’t be the first time it had happened. Geralt’s eyes flashed to her and he frowned and pulled out his phone. After a few seconds her phone beeped in her pocket.

G —You’re not fine.

Renfri looked up at him and rolled her eyes.

—Renfri. You’re not fine.

She sighed and frowned at him before tapping out a reply, zoning out of the conversation at the table.

R —He seems nice.

She tilted her head towards Jaskier who was bickering with Lambert and seemingly oblivious to their silent conversation.

Geralt just nodded and raised an eyebrow. She sighed.

— You’re family, White Wolf. I will not lose you

“Geralt!” Jaskier gripped the older man’s arm. “Geralt are you even listening to me?”

Geralt looked up from his phone at Jaskier like a man seeing the sun for the first time, and then smirked. “Not at all.”

Jaskier gasped and sat back in his chair. “Wow. I mean wow really. Here I am, singing your praises about how wonderful a father you are to Ciri and you aren’t even paying attention!”

“You didn’t miss much.” Lambert grunted.

“Rude!” Jaskier pointed a finger at the ginger. “All of you, rude! I should have just stuck with my kids. They love me.”

“Someone has to.” Renfri snorted.

“Renfri.” Geralt grumbled in a low voice.

“No. No she’s right.” Jaskier sighed dramatically. “I am destined for loneliness and heartbreak.”

Geralt rolled his eyes and punched Jaskier in the arm. “Shut up, Jask.”

Jaskier stuck his tongue out at Geralt.

“I can’t believe you’re friends with him.” Renfri groaned to Geralt.

“It’s a difficult task but I do my best.” Jaskier winked and to her surprise Renfri actually laughed.

She crossed her arms in front of her chest “Yeah well. Don’t go thinking you’re special just because you’re new.”

Jaskier smiled brightly. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

She narrowed her eyes at him and then patted him hard on the back. The teacher yelped at the sudden contact and she laughed. Perhaps he wasn’t so bad after all.

______

Next

#the witcher #renfri #lambert #witcher lambert #witcher renfri #geraskier #geraskier fanfiction #geralt of rivia #jaskier pankratz #fireman!geralt #teacher!jaskier #teacher au #you set my heart ablaze #wolfie's witcher writing #almost half way #so many coffee shop scenes #aro characters #cos I'm aro and I say so

[lonelyandlovelorn]

Good Enough

A/N: This one is pretty heavy, don’t read it if you are triggered by talk of eating disorders or thoughts surrounding hating yourself because of your weight. I also want anyone who reads this to know that you are beautiful just the way you are and that starving yourself is never the answer. 

Genre: angst, hurt/comfort, a smidge of fluff

Warning: eating disorder, anorexia, self-hatred

Word count: 3900

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x plus size fem reader

Summary: You just want to feel good enough, but you take extreme measure to reach an impossible goal.

Masterlist

There was a gala in a few weeks. You went shopping for dresses with Nat and Wanda two days after you heard about it. Of course, shopping with two gorgeous women wasn’t great for your self esteem, but they were great shopping partners, cheering you on and making you laugh when you got disappointed that a dress looked bad. 

After a few hours of shopping, they had both found their gowns and you were trying on a dress you were super excited about. It was your favorite color, designed in a fit that was usually flattering on your figure. You were sure it was the one when you saw it on. You walked out of the fitting room with a smile on your face, and you were excited to see that Wanda and Nat both looked just as awed by it. Some part of you was hoping that a dress this beautiful would help you get a certain soldier’s attention. 

You turned your back to Nat so she would zip up the back of your dress, looking at yourself in the mirror. She got it about halfway before she couldn’t zip it any further. Your face fell at the realization that it wasn’t big enough. 

They both saw your expression, and Wanda jumped up and offered to find you another size. The smile you gave her was grateful, if a bit watery. She dashed out of the fitting room to scan the racks. Your hopes were slowly rising only to plummet when she came back empty handed. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” All you could do was shrug, avoiding eye contact and walking back into your dressing room to change back into your regular clothes. You returned the dresses you had tried on before heading out of the mall. 

When you got back to the tower, you looked up the dress, hoping to find the next size up, only to find that they didn’t have any in stock and didn’t seem likely to get more any time soon. 

You deflated, shutting your laptop and leaning back. It was nearing dinner time, so you got up to head to the kitchen. On your way out of your room though, you looked at yourself in the mirror. You couldn’t help comparing yourself to the beautiful women you worked with. You had always known you were considered plus-size. You had hated it when you were younger, but you had grown to accept it, even if you hadn’t quite gotten to the point of loving yourself wholly. You had gained some self confidence slowly throughout your adult life, but one shopping trip destroyed all that effort. You turned from side to side, examining all of the flaws and parts of yourself that you had learned to ignore. They all stood out to you suddenly, like your mind just wanted to make sure you remembered why you weren’t good enough, why you didn’t deserve to look beautiful in a dress you loved.

With all of these thoughts swirling around in your head, you couldn’t bring yourself to get dinner. You knew skipping meals wasn’t good for you, but there was a little voice in the back of your head telling you that you didn’t deserve to eat. You hadn’t heard the voice in years, but you couldn’t help but believe it. 

--

Over the next few days, you managed to skip most of your meals except a few you had to sit down with the team for. Thankfully, team dinner was so chaotic that no one noticed that you were eating less than usual. If you got a little too lightheaded throughout the day, you snacked on something like almonds or celery. 

You spent at least an hour in the gym when you were sure no one else was in there. After living in the tower, you knew pretty well when people were likely to work out. If someone walked in while you were in there, you usually politely smiled and excused yourself. One night, you didn’t think anyone would be joining you, seeing how late it was, so you didn’t pay a ton of attention to your surroundings. It didn’t help that the person that walked in was trained in stealth. You didn’t notice him until he spoke up from behind you as you trained with a punching bag.

“Hey doll.” You startled, spinning around to face Bucky. He was smiling at you as he looked you over. You tried to ignore the embarrassment that raced through you at him seeing you sweaty and dressed in sloppy workout clothes. 

You returned his smile and went to make your way out of the gym, but his voice stopped you. “You don’t have to leave.” You had to think of a good reason to leave, but the room was starting to spin a little. 

Out of breath and trying to hide your dizziness, you replied, “I should have stopped a while ago, and I don’t want to invade your space too much.” He nodded understandingly. You took a step towards the door, but you wobbled. Bucky reached a hand out to stabilize you, looking at you in concern. “Guess I really worked out a little too long, can’t even walk straight.” You tried to laugh it off. Bucky nodded, but the scrunch to his eyebrows didn’t smooth. You gave him what you hoped was a reassuring smile before leaving and heading towards your room. 

When you got there, you stepped on the scale to see your progress, disappointed to see the number that appeared.

Not good enough.

--

You weren’t sure if you were just being paranoid or if Bucky was actually watching you. He spent most of the day in the kitchen, which you knew because every time you walked through to fill up your water he was at the counter or the table. Each time you walked in, you greeted him before turning to your task. You were sure you could feel his eyes on you, but when you looked over your shoulder at him, he was looking at the papers in front of him. You decided to just brush it off as your imagination and moved on. 

You managed to talk your way out of that night’s dinner, hanging out in the gym with the certainty that no one else would be down there. You were running on the treadmill when another bout of dizziness hit you. You stepped off of the machine and tried to walk towards the bench about 10 feet away. For a second your vision blacked out and you felt your body drop. A moment later, when you regained consciousness, your body was on the floor. You gave yourself a moment before pushing up on your arms weakly. You decided that you should probably get out of the gym and rest before someone found you passed out. 

Back in your room, before collapsing on the bed, you were sure to step on the scale. You were ecstatic to see that the number was going down. However, when you looked in the mirror, you couldn’t help but worry that it wasn’t going to be enough. 

--

The next morning, you woke up after sleeping much longer than usual. You took your time getting ready for the day. When you were nearly dressed, FRIDAY told you that Tony wanted to see you down in his lab whenever you were ready and available. You let her know you’d heard it, pulling a sweatshirt over your head and fixing your hair before walking out of the room and towards the lab. 

As usual, when you got there, music was blasting and he didn’t notice your presence. FRIDAY turned the volume down for you, causing Tony to look around and spot you. He smiled at you, but for some reason it looked strained. 

“How are you doing today?”

“Hey Tony, I’m doing well, what did you need?” You ignored the tension you could see in him and tried to make the conversation as casual as possible.

“I just wanted to check on you. FRIDAY alerted me last night that you had fallen in the gym, but she said you got up and left right after. She also said you lost consciousness momentarily. So I just want to ask again, how are you doing?” Your face heated up, realizing that keeping a secret in a tower monitored by Tony’s AI was not as easy as you thought. However, you weren’t about to cry to Tony about your problems. You were close to him, and he had always cared for you like an adopted daughter, but this was personal.

“I’m fine, I just pushed myself a little too hard last night. I’m good.” You put your most convincing smile on your face.

Tony nodded, watching you with his arms crossed. He didn’t speak for a moment while he studied you. “FRIDAY also said you haven’t been eating much food from the kitchen this past week. I don’t make her monitor your room, so I want to know if that should worry me.” 

You shook your head quickly. “I’ve been keeping food in my room and eating out a lot this week, don’t worry so much about it.” He still looked skeptical of you, but didn’t look like he was planning to push.

He regarded you for a moment more before deflating and nodding. You smiled at him and turned to leave the lab, but were stopped by him calling your name. “Y/N, I’m not trying to nag or pry, but I know what it’s like to struggle silently with something. I just want you to know that I’m here if you need me.” You smiled at him and gave him a hug before finally escaping. You were touched by how much Tony cared, but you didn’t want anyone to worry about you. 

Besides, as soon as the dress fit, you would stop.

As soon as you lost enough weight, everything would go back to normal. 

--

When you finally lost your goal weight, you went back to the store alone to try on the dress. You didn’t need Nat or Wanda asking questions. 

You put the dress on and looked at yourself in the mirror. You managed to zip it up by yourself, and without looking in the mirror, you were overjoyed that it zipped all the way. However, when you looked at your reflection, all you could see were flaws. Unlike when you tried it on last time, you didn’t feel beautiful. It looked like it fit funny, too tight in weird places. Tears welled in your eyes as you looked at your reflection. You would never be good enough.

Taking the dress off, you sighed, carefully hanging it back up. You decided to buy it, knowing it was your best option, but your heart wasn’t in it as you thanked the kind cashier. 

--

You had reached your goal. You fit in the dress. You knew that meant that you should dial back on the extremes. When you went down for team dinner that night, you put almost twice as much on your plate as you had the past few nights, looking forward to the delicious food. However, when you started eating, all you could think about was how that dress looked. How you looked in the mirror. You couldn’t stomach the rest of your meal, terrified that you would just end up back where you were. You pushed it around on your plate before looking up to see what conversation your friends were lost in, only to see Bucky’s eyes trained on you inquisitively. He glanced down at your plate before looking back up at you in concern. 

He mouthed, Are you okay? To which you nodded with a small smile. It was sweet that he was worried about you, but you didn’t want him to draw Tony’s attention to your plate. You moved your eyes away from him and forced a smile, joining into the ridiculous debate happening around you.

--

Later that night, as you were winding down and putting on your pajamas, you heard a knock at your door. “Just a second!” you called as you hastily pulled your baggy shirt over your head. You made your way to the door and pulled it open, surprised to see Bucky standing outside. He looked up at you, smiling and asking if he could come in. You nodded mutely, backing away to let him into your room. You silently thanked your past self for being relatively bored and cleaning up today before dinner as he glanced around. 

Finally, after a moment of silence, you asked, “What are you doing here, Bucky?” It’s not that you weren’t happy to see him, you just weren’t really close enough to visit unannounced or hang out in each other’s rooms. This was actually the first time he had been in yours, and you just wanted to know why. 

“I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay. That you weren’t getting sick or something. After you almost fell in the gym the other day, and you didn’t eat most of your dinner, I was just a little worried, that’s all.” You couldn’t help but feel warmed by his concern for you, but you also didn’t want him to know. 

“I’m fine, don’t worry about it. Just a little tired and I wasn’t too hungry. I’m okay.” You were a trained liar, you knew how to do it well. The only problem was, the people you normally lied to weren’t concerned with your wellbeing, so you were having trouble putting the usual conviction in your voice.  

He sighed. “You’re not fine.” You were startled by his bluntness, not sure how to refute him. He was obviously certain of that fact, and you couldn’t honestly pretend that he was wrong. You looked away from where he was standing next to your bed, wracking your brain for something to say to him. He walked toward you, stopping in front of you. You couldn’t bring yourself to look him in the eye since he knew you were lying to him, so you stared at a point over his shoulder. 

He put his palm to your cheek, forcing your eyes to meet his blue ones, full of care and concern. You felt horrible for worrying him, but you couldn’t admit to him or yourself the true extent of your problems. “You haven’t been eating. I’ve watched to see if you just do it when I’m not around, but I sat in the kitchen for a few hours and you never once got food. You’ve been eating less at dinner. You were dizzy in the gym and almost fell. Please, Y/N, just tell me what’s going on.” His pleading eyes searched yours as your lower lip began to quiver. You felt like an idiot, thinking about how to tell him that you risked your health to fit in a stupid dress because you wanted to feel pretty. For him. 

You broke eye contact, looking towards your closet and seeing the dress hanging up. You closed your eyes and let out a shaky breath, stepping away from him. You walked towards your closet as you spoke. “I went dress shopping with Nat and Wanda for that gala. They found their dresses so fast and they both looked stunning in them. I was having a hard time finding any that I liked, but I finally found it. I felt pretty and I was so excited, but then it didn’t fit. There weren’t any others and I was heart broken.” You wistfully touched the material of the skirt. “I just wanted to wear the dress and feel beautiful, so I decided if I worked hard enough, I could fit in it. So I stopped eating. I exercised more. And it fits. And I hate myself so much for it.” You let out a choked sob as you felt his arms wind around you and tuck you into his chest. 

He didn’t say anything to you until your cries quieted and you were sniffling, embarrassed to your core and afraid to see his reaction. He gently loosened his hold on you and pulled back, his hands on your shoulders. You stared at his chest, too scared to look him in they eye. His fingers softly brushed across your cheek as he moved his hand up to move a strand of hair out of your face before it settled on your jaw, tilting your head towards him. You looked into his eyes, expecting disgust or even pity, shocked to see nothing but determination. 

“Now you listen to me, doll. You are absolutely beautiful. The size of a dress doesn’t matter and you don’t need it to be gorgeous. Hell, you could wear your pajamas to the gala and you’d still be the prettiest gal there. But you need to know that this isn’t safe. As your teammates and friends, we all love you and care about you too much to watch you waste away for some stupid dress. Please take care of yourself and know that none of us care about anything more than you being happy and healthy.” Your eyes welled up again at his heartfelt speech, touched and completely taken by surprise. You and Bucky had never been close, and now he was holding your face and telling you that he loved you (as a teammate). You held back the tears and wound your arms back around him, trying to convey how much his words meant to you.

“Thank you,” you whispered into his shoulder, and his arms tightened around you. 

--

It was the night of the gala. It had been hard to eat normally again. It was terrifying, the fear that you wouldn’t ever be able to be happy with your reflection. 

You had spoken to Tony. You admitted that he had been right, but you let him know that you were okay now, for real. That you were getting better. You also crossed your fingers that Tony’s connections would work wonders like usual before asking him a favor. 

Now you were getting ready with Wanda and Nat as they fussed over your hair and makeup. You let them do what they wanted, happy to not have to stare at your reflection until you couldn’t stand it again. Once they were finally satisfied, you took a look for yourself. You couldn’t help the gasp that escaped your lips. 

“You made me pretty,” you muttered. Wanda came up behind you, resting her head on your shoulder. 

“No, you were already pretty, we just made you look like you.” You sent a grateful smile her way in the mirror as Natasha came up to your other side and gave your hand a slight squeeze. You let out a sigh before smiling once more and turning towards your closet, where the dress was hanging. 

It was the right size, thanks to Tony. You knew it had actually probably been Pepper’s doing, but it was Tony’s concern that helped you through. 

You stepped into it, holding your breath as Natasha zipped you up, letting it out in relief when it smoothly glided all the way up. You looked in your full length mirror, sending a smile at what you saw. Maybe you weren’t completely fine, but you were getting there. You hugged them both and thanked them for helping you get ready. 

“Maybe this will catch Barnes’ attention,” Nat said playfully. You swatted at her as Wanda chimed in. 

“Please, she’s already got his attention.” You decided to shoo them out of your room before they could tease you anymore, giving yourself a moment to prepare before walking out into the hall. 

They were waiting for you by the elevator, and you reminded yourself of how grateful you were to have them. You all walked in and Nat pressed the button that would lead to the floor where the ballroom was. You took that time to steel yourself before you were faced with everyone else. 

When the doors opened, you all stepped out together. Several eyes turned towards your trio, most of them ogling the beautiful women beside you, but a few looking in your direction, one pair a striking blue. You sent him a small smile before turning towards Tony who had called your name. He gave you a kiss on the cheek as he told you, “The dress looks great, you’re gonna drive Barnes crazy.”

You leaned away from him. “Does everyone know about that?” Tony just shrugged at you before walking away with Pepper who sent you an encouraging smile. 

Nat and Wanda had separated from you to get a drink while you were talking to Tony, so you started to make your way towards them. You saw Bucky look your way before he leaned in to say something to Steve. When he pulled back, he set his drink down and made a beeline for you. 

“Hey, doll.” 

“Hey, Bucky. You clean up good.” And he did. You were trying your hardest not to devour him with your eyes. 

“So do you. The dress looks almost as beautiful as you do.” You could tell he was confused, as he thought you were doing better, and the dress didn’t fit you unless you weren’t doing okay. 

“I asked Tony for a favor in getting it in a better size.” You could practically see the relief wash over him. The smile he sent your way was genuine and warm, and you hoped he couldn’t see your cheeks redden under your foundation. 

“Would you care to join me for a drink?” You smiled and nodded at him, following him back towards where he set his down. You greeted Steve when you got there, giving him a hug. 

“You look incredible, Y/N, just in case this idiot hasn’t told you yet.” Bucky sent a glare his way and punched his shoulder while you laughed. 

“Don’t worry, Steve, he’s not so bad,” you joked as you sent a playful grin in Bucky’s direction. Steve chuckled before excusing himself, leaving you two alone. 

After a slightly awkward silence, he spoke up. “You really do look incredible, you know? And it has nothing to do with the dress.” Your lips curved up once more as you looked at him, noticing that his face was tinted a light shade of pink. It was endearing to see that he was a little flustered. 

You placed your hand on his, squeezing it to get him to look at you. “Thank you. For everything.”

He didn’t say anything as he stared at you for a long time before he shook his head like he was shaking a daze. He looked back at you with an almost nervous smile. “Would you want to go to dinner with me sometime?”

You had to ask before you got your hopes up. “Like a date?”

“If that’s what you want, it doesn’t have to be if that’s not what you want. I don’t-”

“I’d love to,” you cut him of softly. You entwined your fingers with the hand you were holding as you looked up at him shyly. His answering grin was bright and you couldn’t help but smile back. 

Maybe you could be good enough for him. 

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x plus size reader #fem reader #reader insert #y/n #fanfiction #fanfic #imagine #avengers #trigger warning #ed #eating disorder #lonelyandlovelorn

[jarofrebuke-transcripts]

Jar of Rebuke Episode 7 Unofficial Transcript

Season 1 Episode 7: Shifts

INTRO

The following audio recording is classified documentation for Case [audio distortion] with the Enclosure. Unauthorized access to this information will lead to immediate intervention. Progress further if proper clearance has been given.

JARED

So today I'm actually recording this from the lab I've had the room to myself for hours, just as it's been for a while now. Ever since my little vacation I've had more and more lab time to myself. It's nice? But also I just feel more lonely. I can play my music or whatever, but I do almost miss Dr. Castillo's presence. I guess I'd just gotten used to it no matter how weird it is at times. But having Grove around has helped immensely with the loneliness at home, at least. He's super cuddly, which I never expected from a literal hellhound. But Milo did mention the possibility of me being... touch starved? Which might also explain why the attention just feels so weird. I had never even heard of that before. I mean Dr. Daman has never brought it up. But again knowing that most hellhounds are not at all the cuddly sort... oh well, I'm not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. [door creaks open] Oh, uh, hey Jamie!

JAMIE

(to herself) Alright, oh shit! (to Jared) Um, hey! Sorry, I thought this lab would be empty.

JARED

I mean I normally would be out on the field at this time, but it's a bit too cold today. Can I help you with something?

JAMIE

Nah, nah. To be honest, I kind of steal your office to nap during my break. This weather is killer on my body and I'm just, well, I'm tired.

JARED

Well if you need a nap, I can keep quiet? Or I mean, I can even duck out if you'd prefer, I don't want to stop you from getting any rest if you need it.

JAMIE

(small laugh) No no no no no, that's, that's fine. I'm... I'll just go grab a cup of coffee. You want a cup? I can grab one for ya, no problem.

JARED

Uh yeah, yeah, that'd be nice actually!

JAMIE

How do you take it?

JARED

Just grab a handful of sugar and some things of creamer. I like it pretty sweet.

JAMIE

You got it. We get crap coffee anyways. I'll be back.

JARED

[door closes] Thanks! That's Dr. Everett, though she never really lets me call her that. She's great. We've talked a few times in the hall mostly. Sometimes we catch each other in the elevator or end up chatting at the coffee machine. We've never hung out outside of work, though. I mean, hell, the only co-worker I've ever hung out with is Milo. We, we didn't hang out much when we were lab partners, but we started hanging out more recently. I don't know if I'd prefer to have them as a lab partner again or what we have now. It's nice to have, I don't know, friends? Anyways, the weather's getting colder so we've been working inside more. Yeah we bundle up and go out sometimes, but not as much as we were a month or so ago. I've mostly been working with Dr. Castillo to go over old recordings that we gathered. With us being lab partners we typically are also project partners, though not exclusively. It seems like recently she's been assigned to a project that's more in line with what she used to be doing. Something far less dangerous, which she seems to be very happy about. Whatever it is, it's keeping her out of the lab a good amount. So here I am, alone, as usual.

After I got back from my little vacation I went to see Dr. Daman for another appointment. She asked what I got up to so I told her about taking in a dog. I didn't tell her about how Grove isn't, you know, like most dogs, but I told her how nice it is to have Grove around. I mean, heck, that dog knows when I'm waking up from a nightmare and is always by my side! I thought that she'd be happy about it! But she seemed, I don't know, disappointed? She asked if I thought that I really needed to keep a dog around just to manage. Her tone was concerned, but her words? I don't know, it just… it made me feel bad about having Grove around. Made me feel bad for finding him so comforting. I told her I guess not, but it does really help. I've also gotten pretty attached to Grove. It's just nice to have him around even when I'm not in a panic or whatever. She gave a soft sigh and then just moved on, as if she wasn't happy about my answer. Even though she's always taking so many notes I don't know how much of me she really remembers. Like she doesn't really mention my friends by name, ever. I say names like Holly or Darius, or I mention Laura and Ester, and I always have to re-explain who they are. Holly, you know, the person from the snipe hunt? Or Darius, you know, the guy that I hung out with on his birthday? And she just takes more notes. I hardly feel like I'm getting much from her anymore. She asked me about the audio journal again and actually seemed pretty happy that I'm still taking her advice. And listen, I get it, I get it, it feels really good to know that someone is taking your professional advice, and doing this really does help. But I don't like how she presses on it. I mean, I almost want to stop doing this out of sheer spite sometimes.

After a bit of talking Dr. Daman mentioned that there's going to be a change in our sessions. My stomach sank. She said that I need to come in more frequently which was weird considering the fact that I feel like I'm doing fine! In fact, I feel like I'm doing better! But she's insisted that I need more help in this whole remembering thing. Help that she alone can't provide, apparently. I don't know, maybe she could have provided the help if she tried to actively help me remember, instead of just leaving me to remember naturally. So now there's going to be another person getting involved. I haven't met him yet, I meet him my next session. Apparently he's helped patients who have received injuries that have caused memory issues in the past. I wanted to ask why I didn't just see him from the get-go, but whatever. Next session, I am meeting a Mr. Liam Zimmer. Not a doctor, like most of the people around here end up being. He's a psychologist though, and according to Daman, he's a damn good one. Though those weren't her exact words, of course. She spoke highly of his abilities, though by her tone I can't tell how she personally feels about Mr. Zimmer. She's not as blatant in her cheerful disliking of things as Dr. Castillo is. Mr. Zimmer will focus on my amnesia, Dr. Daman will work on my other day-to-day evaluations, and Dr. Rahal is still my general physician for these headaches and whatever else happens.

Speaking of headaches, they've kinda come back again. Not as fiercely as before, more annoying than anything else really. Not debilitating by any means, but my gods! Are they a nuisance. Amir is trying to help me find other methods of dealing with them since medicine doesn't really work. Started drinking more water, which I'm objectively just bad at drinking enough water in general. I also have started some light workouts like twice a week, nothing too strenuous, just enough to get the blood pumping. It kind of sucks but I know it'll get easier over time. Amir said that all of my vitals are normal which is definitely good, but like, I don't know. Still a bit annoying sometimes that I can't look over my own records. I think next time I get a scan done, I'm going to ask to see it. I don't think that he's the kind of person to keep things from his own patients, so I'm sure he'll show me if I just ask.

Not gonna lie I looked up Mr. Zimmer in the work database. After trying to look into Dr. Kelder, I've gotten a bit curious to look and see what I can find about others. And if this guy is going to be helping me do a deep dive into my own brain, yeah I want to know about him. It says he's been with the Enclosure for a few years, mostly working in rehabilitation. But that doesn't explain why they didn't have me see him sooner. Like if he's literally in the rehabilitation program. What the hell have they been considering my case, huh? According to his records there was a period of time a couple of years ago that he was involved in some highly guarded cases. Not the general, you know, “can't discuss my patient’s work file” thing, but I mean high level clearance, password guarded. The Enclosure seems to really shuffle people around a lot. A lot of his methods, by what I could find, seemed to be experimental.

So when I say how unsure I am about all this I cannot emphasize how much I'm not exactly feeling this one. I hate sudden change, and this is kind of a big deal! They didn't even ask if I wanted this, they just told me that this is how it was going to be. Not even Dr. Daman seems too thrilled but considering how often she seems huffy with me that might just be her usual state. She's rarely pleased with any progress I make. She used to at least seem curious but nowadays she's more and more sensitive to me developing my own coping mechanisms outside of what she suggests. And I don't know, it just doesn't feel very good. And it's not like that I can find another therapist anyways. I mean Wichton has a fairly small but a very good network of counselors and social workers, but not any that I could see about my specific needs. To say I need specialists is putting it lightly. I feel like anyone outside of the Enclosure just wouldn't be able to help. I mean, if they are from outside of the Enclosure I can't tell them anything. I wouldn't be able to explain what I do at work. I can't go into my personal relationships are being affected by these things, the headaches, the bad dreams, the not remembering anything! So Dr. Daman and Mr. Zimmer it is.

But I'm also doing more at home to try and work on that stress which is actually really helping. Again Grove has been a huge help, he always seems to know when I need him the most and he'll pull me back into the moment. It's nice! And I've been spending some time with Holly, Darius, and some other folks in town. I've gotten this weekly routine of stopping by Mrs. Weddington's bakery to pick up some sweets and also at least once a week stopping by the Chronicle Inn for a meal to see Laura and Ester. I'm starting with the people and places that I'm most comfortable before I start branching out. Though I'll admit, whenever I go to the Chronicle Inn I can't help but consider booking myself a room again and seeing if I could speak with the Blue Lady. I mean, at least to get her name, at least to ask more questions. Should I get on that? I mean, no time like the present.

I'm also working to not lose myself to fixations, uh, trying to balance work-related studies and well, I guess studies of myself. Balancing all that out with relaxing things. I got another crossword book from Christine. I have no idea where she keeps getting them but they're great, honestly. It's been a bit harder to focus on them recently but I am going to try. I've tried cooking more, but I'm not really good at it. As Holly would say, I somehow burn water. But Darius has offered to come by and teach me some recipes so we're gonna hang out here soon so that he can help me learn some basic dishes. And considering that Holly wasn't too phased by the children knocking at the door, in fact they said it was cool, it makes me feel a little better at the idea of Darius actually spending some time over at my place. Grove is very protective of me, but he got along very well with Holly and doesn't seem to have much issue with people when I'm walking him. I'm pretty sure that it won't be an issue when Darius comes by. I warned him, but he seems excited to meet Grove, so we'll see how that goes. I feel like it'll go well.

[papers rustling] I think here soon, I have to go back out onto the field though. Not today, but I'm expecting within the next few weeks. A file that I have here is something about some kids wandering the woods not too terribly far away from here so I think I'll be going out to investigate that soon. The file says something here about them being the ghosts of victims of some unethical doctor that tested on children suffering from a hydrocephalus or water in the brain. An old haunted mansion with a wide range of things, but the most notable are the lingering spirits of those kids. Or it may actually be the kids themselves? Immortal or transformed into whatever it may be. So I'm probably gonna be going out and taking a look at that here soon. But I'm not gonna worry about it until I get that official email telling me to head out.

Well, uh, a new therapist, potential lead… uh, well my week other than that was great. I didn't really record much after I took Grove in. I hung out with Holly. We watched a few weird movies, played some video games together. They brought over their own gaming system and we just hooked it up to my TV.  It was a lot of fun, and they got along very well with Grove. We did talk a bit about the whole gendered language issue. I started it by telling them about my whole situation with naming Grove, and it kind of just naturally led to the broader discussion of it. I also brought it up with Milo a little while later and both Holly and Milo asked if I'm non-binary. I wasn't expecting that question. I also wasn't expecting how right it would feel when I looked into it. Like, I don't mind people calling me sir or he all that much, but I just don't feel like the man that they see me as. Holly asked if I wanted to try they/them pronouns instead. But the pronouns aren't really what matters that much. I mean, as long as the person is addressing me in a way that I find respectful I don't really care much about pronouns. Milo made a similar offer, saying that if I ever wanted to try a new name or different pronouns to just let them know. I like my name, it's something that I have that's me, the only real tie that I have to my past, you know? And the pronouns thing? We'll see. Haven't talked to Dr. Daman about it yet. I really don't know if she'll care either way, in the dismissive way, not the accepting way. I have a feeling that Dr. Rahal would be accepting, he seems like the sort of type, the sort of person that would be accepting on this sort of thing. I might talk to Darius about it too. I don't know, I just have a feeling that he'd understand. Or at least be willing to listen. We've been starting to really open up to each other more about stuff, getting more personal. With that said I really don't know how much longer I can keep him entirely in the dark about my whole amnesia thing. He's smart, he's definitely gotta notice that I don't talk about my past. I'm surprised that he doesn't find me boring as hell to be completely honest. I mean, I'm glad he doesn't, I'm glad he likes to hang out.

Speaking of ties to the past last time that I was at the Chronicle Inn to pick up more dog treats for Grove, because I may or may not give him more treats than would be healthy for a normal dog. Spoiled rotten. I caught a glimpse of the inn's guest book, names dated back many years, and it was also strange to look over my own entry. I almost hadn't written in it but Ester reminded me on my way out a while ago to fill it out. And how could I say no? It got me thinking, like, should I go back? The Blue Lady insisted that she knew me and that must mean that she knows more about this whole situation. Since my headaches have been a lot better it might be a good time to go check in again and see what I can, you know, figure out from her. Figure out what she knows in a way that wouldn't leave me just with more questions like last time. Hell, maybe I could call work and see if they want to come fix some of my housing again. I'm sure Ester and Laura wouldn't mind if I brought Grove. I mean he may be huge but he's a really well-behaved softy most of the time. He does wander off at night, likely to do general hellhound things, but he hasn't caused much trouble. At least that's nothing that's gotten back to me. Well, I'll look into that.

I'm also pretty excited for time with Darius, I don't know if he'll stay the night like Holly did. My couch is pretty cozy, I mean I doze off on it all the time. But with the knocking at night and everything else, I don't... I'm worried I'd scare him off. I wasn't too worried about scaring Holly off with just, um, how they generally are. But I don't know how Darius would be about it. Guess all that I can do is just give him an heads up and let him decide if he wants to chance it. I mean, Holly's been trying to get Darius and I'd hang out more for whatever reason. [phone buzzes] Oh, alright, time to start getting ready for lunch. Um, I guess I might as well wrap up. This is Dr.- oh uh…

JAMIE

You won't believe the gossip I've got! I had a run-in with Todd in the elevator.

JARED

Wow, quickest way to have your day ruined! What did he say?

JAMIE

(small laugh) Well, he saw I wasn't using the wheelchair today, right? So I got all cocky and asked if my legs were finally working today. Even if I wasn't in so much pain, I wouldn't want to deal with that shit. So I asked him when his brain would finally start working. He looked like he was gonna have a conniption. But what's he gonna do, fire one of his most experienced people? Okay!

JARED

I would give my whole paycheck to be there next time you pull that. I would, god, I wish that I could say stuff like that to him.

JAMIE

Anyway, I was thinking of taking my lunch soon. You wanna pick up something in town? I could use the company.

JARED

Oh that that sounds great, yeah! You've been to the Royal Cow? They've got some pretty good food but their desserts are the best. Here, let me just wrap up here and um, this is Dr. Jared Hel signing off.

OUTRO

Jar of Rebuke is written and produced by Casper Oliver, who is also the voice of Dr. Jared Hel. Voice of Jamie Everett is Jenny O’Sullivan. The intro is read by Vanessa Rosengrant, and credits are read by Ashley Craft, who has created the podcast official graphics. Music was created by Luke Menniss, spelled m-e-n-n-i-s-s, who you can find and support on Bandcamp, Spotify and Twitch. Find us on social media for updates. You can support us on Patreon or Podhero by following the links in our episode description. And special thanks to our patreon supporters, Tristan, Perry, Devin, Becky, Nico, and Joyce.

#jar of rebuke #jar of rebuke podcast #jor podcast #jar of rebuke transcripts #i will get 8 and 9 done sometime this week!

[join-the-joywrite]

Pigs might fly

A/N: written for @crushedbyhyperbole​ 200 challenge. This is the first drabble challenge thing I'm doing on Tumblr so like ,,,,, have mercy lmao

Summary: While Tony and Bruce science together, Nick tries his best not to send Clint to daycare -- with duct tape to stop the noise talking.

Warnings: aside from rupturing a lung extreme silliness, we should all be fine

"Whatcha working on, Big Green?"

Bruce looked up from the several sheets of paper in front of him. He stared for a moment before pushing his glasses up. "Big Green is sleeping. Don't wake him up."

Tony widened his eyes and put a finger to his lips. Bruce supposed he was trying to look apologetic, but his amused smile threw it all away. "But seriously," Tony said, setting down two mugs on the table, "what are you working on?"

Bruce shuffled the papers, trying to find some semblance of order among them. "Thor keeps asking why Midgard doesn't have flying pigs. He thinks it's because we're tiny and helpless. I think he wants me to believe that Asgard does have flying pigs and that that's the reason he's having trouble comprehending the phrase."

Tony handed one mug to Bruce and sipped from the other. He came to stand beside Bruce and gazed at the mess. "You do remember what happened the last time you played with genetics, doctor, don't you?"

Bruce shot him an annoyed look.

"Just sayin' . . . Big Green."

Bruce rolled his eyes. He brought his mug to his lips and paused. "What is this?"

"Hot cocoa," Tony said, lifting pages and rearranging the mess.

"Why do I smell booze?"

Tony paused. "No wonder mine was tasting off," he said, swapping their mugs.

"You put booze in hot cocoa?"

"Just a little bit. I'm on babysitting duty and holy mother of all evil, Clint can talk for hours."

Bruce paused for a moment, then nodded. "Fair enough, do continue. And anyway, I'm not going to give a pig wings, that would be absurd."

"Then what are you doing?"

"Waiting for you. I want you to help me create a robot that looks like a semi-realistic pig. And I want a remote control for it. Like, tomorrow."

"Why?" Tony asked slowly, less afraid and more intrigued.

"Thor uses the compound gym on Wednesdays and I wanna make it follow him around for the whole day -- at the very least -- and have him stare into its lifeless eyes and realise that the flying pig is merely a soul-eating creature from the darkest pits of hell aka our combined brain cell."

"You have my full attention, Dr Banner." Tony said after a moment, setting the mug down. He paused briefly. "And my therapist's number -- which I will write down after this."

"Look, I'm just saying--"

"You 'just saying' is speaking it into existence."

"Oh, bullshit, Barton. You're just saying that because you watched the Matrix again this weekend. Where is Stark?"

"Nick, come on. Look me in the eye and tell me with a hundred percent certainty that you honestly think I burned down the kitchen last week.”

Nick stood with his folded arms and half-frown. With his one eye, he fixed a blank stare on Clint. "I, with one hundred percent certainty, believe that you burned down the kitchen -- and I’m just saying I think you did it to deflect attention to the fact that you also put a rip in Rogers’ curtains.”

Clint shrugged. “Okay, fair.”

“Can we please get back to the part where you explain why I had to pull you out of the vents?”

“I already told you!”

“I really do not believe that you were in the vents because you were hiding from Natasha -- because you ate her last animal cracker."

"You gotta hide me," Clint pleaded, "if she finds out I ate them, you're going to be short one agent."

"I fail to see the downside."

Clint clung to Nick's arm. "But I'm your favourite!"

"Where is Stark?" Nick muttered, peeling away from Clint and glancing around. "It's his turn."

Nick Fury was not having a good time. It was early on a Wednesday morning and he'd only visited the compound to see if things were still running smoothly and if Hill was doing all right watching the morons -- the same morons that he may have made the mistake of putting in the same room and team a few years ago. Now, here he was, having to entertain Clint. Nick did believe that Clint ate all the animal crackers, but only because a sugar high seemed like the only plausible explanation.

And goddamnit, where the hell was Tony? This was Tony's week to make sure Clint didn't accidentally set himself on fire again or something of the sort. Nick didn't pray often. In the last hour, he had prayed twice the amount he'd prayed in probably his entire life. Nick was beginning to consider offering to deep clean the entire compound if Tony would just come fetch the child -- agent.

Nick pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to block out Clint explaining the backstory behind exactly how he got stuck in the vents. How the hell did he even get in them in the first place? Nick didn't know and frankly, he didn't care. He just wanted to leave at this point. Pulling Clint out of the vents could have been documented as an extreme sport. Nick thought he might have dislocated his shoulder. It didn't help that when he finally got Clint out, the archer fell straight down and dropped Nick with him.

Now Clint was trying justify his theft of Natasha's biscuits. Something about starving and there being only coffee beans left.

"Wait, go back. Did you eat raw coffee beans? As in, the beans themselves?"

Nick's horrified expression did not affect Clint in the slightest. He nodded earnestly, features twisting as he remembered the disgusting taste. "Yeah, and let me tell you one thing, Nick. Coffee beans are not for eating."

"Everyone knows that! Babies probably know that!"

Clint scoffed. "You've clearly never been hungry, huh?"

"Oh, I've been hungry. Just not dumb enough to eat actual coffee beans."

"I'm tellin' ya, Nick, Natasha was a murderer in a past life."

Great, the topic had changed again. Nick stared at Clint. Did the man have an internal drug system? Did the man have any adult mannerisms at all? Was his memory working, let alone intact? "We are thinking about the same Natasha, right?"

"Why, how many do you know?"

"I -- I can't do this. I don't have the energy for this today. I'm leaving. Go find Stark and get him to keep you company."

"Tony and Bruce have been working together since yesterday."

"Then harrass Rogers."

"He's cooking."

"Natasha."

"She's locked in her room and watching rom-coms."

“Then sit in the corner and count your thumbs,” Nick said, already backing towards the door.

Clint followed. “I’m coming with you. You’re gonna have to keep me company until Natasha cools down.”

Nick scoffed. There was no way he was going to sit through twenty-four hours of the man-child rambling. "Yeah, and pigs might fly."

Any further conversation halted at the unholy scream that ripped through the entire compound. Nick and Clint watched as Thor -- looking strange in the very normal workout clothing instead of his usual armour -- barrelled past them, screaming.

A flying pig followed.

Clint raised his eyebrows at Nick. Before either of them said anything, Tony and Bruce sprinted after Thor and the pig. While the latter held a remote control in his hands, the former held up a video camera. Both were laughing.

Nick left the compound before Clint started asking him about the pig. As the chopper lifted, he caught sight of Thor circling the compound. The flying pig wasn't far behind and sprinting along with loud laughter was Tony and Bruce.

The safety of the world rested in the hands of children. Nick had never missed Carol more.

#Cloudys200Hyperbole-Crush #marvel #avengers #science bros #clint is team baby #pigs might fly #bruce banner #tony stark #clint barton #nick fury #thor

[resetmypatientviolence]

Nesting (Drake x MC)

Pairing/Characters: Drake x Jaela

Word Count: 2,400

Rating: PG

Warnings: Mild language

Description: Today’s the due date of the baby. But nothing’s happening. Jaela’s trying to relax while Drake can’t keep still-- much to Jaela’s annoyance. 

Note: This is just fluffy because why not. This is in regards to their pregnancy with Lia, who (if you read the Fatherhood series), decided to take her sweet time to appear into the world. Masterlist is found in my bio. 

She’s barely awake before Drake’s in her face, still a sleepy blur, before he’s asking her, “Is it time? Should we go to the hospital?”, hand on her stomach, peeking out from under her tank, as it does with most things now that weren’t a dress. She shakes her head, guiding his hand to where their child is currently—and happily—pushing against her with their foot.

“They’re pretty content where they’re at…” She yawns, rubbing her eyes—but she didn’t miss Drake’s pout, the disappointment clear on his face, dark circles under his eyes. He’s been getting such little sleep, looking over things he’s read a million times in the baby books when she wakes up to use the bathroom time and time again in the middle of the night.

“But… it’s their due date today…”

The sadness in his voice is unmistakable, but Jaela’s not surprised. He’s been more than ready for the last two weeks, barely leaving her side and checking in with her every time she made a face or muttered something about her body hurting. And it did.

“It’s just an estimation…” she reminds him, shifting under the covers, rolling on her back and starting to sit up—though Drake helps with that and adjusts the pillows for her. Jaela smiles and leans back, hands on her very round stomach. As much as she wants to meet this child, Jaela’s trying to be mindful that she’ll wait—they’ll come on their own time. No need to rush them. “The baby will come when they come, Walker.”

Drake sighs, then kisses her stomach before her, setting his hand over hers. “I’m just so impatient. I want to meet them. Hold them. Love them,” he says, nearly glowing himself. She could melt right there, the sincerity in his words and voice so clear, eyes full of love. Chance hops on the bed and trots over to Jaela, head resting on her lap, right by the bump. It’s a common occurrence, sometimes the baby offering a kick hard enough to surprise him. Together the chuckle, petting him. “See? Even he wants to meet them. He’s impatient too.”

“Nobody more than you,” Jaela says with a click of her tongue, nudging him. She glances down when she feels the baby shift. The doctors said they were in position—and it was just a matter of time. But… there’s no pain, no water breaking—nothing. Just a slowpoke child, and an antsy husband, and dog, apparently. And the staff. Everybody, really. All except her. “That said… I suppose I can try to speed things along….”

Drake grins. “We’ve still got a whole day and night to go. They’ve got plenty of time to be born on their due date. And…” The way his voice drops to the delicious husky timber that sends shivers every time, even if it’s the middle of the night and she wants sleep, lips against her ear in the lightest of touches— “I’ve got just the thing to start…”

Chance quickly vacates the bed when his hand slips under her waistband, lips finding hers, tongues meeting without a moment to waste.

Well, she might as well take advantage of the sex for now.

*

“Drake!” Jaela gulps down water, face warm from the eggs. The very spicy eggs. To too spocy eggs. “H-how much cayenne and hot sauce did you put in here—oh my god— I am not eating these—”

She was starving after the sex, and since Drake decided to take the past few days off of work to prepare for the baby, he’s been making her breakfast. And today it was a spicy nightmare—and she’s only just begun to enjoy eggs since the pregnancy. But not these. Drake chuckles, replacing her plate with another one, the scrambled eggs looking a far less dangerous shade of red. “They say spicy foods can help speed up labor, that’s all.”

Jaela glares at him, taking a bite of decidedly less spicy eggs. “Drake, this baby is going to come when they want to come. And burning off my tongue is certainly not going to help. Do that again and I’ll murder you.” He rolls his eyes at her playful threat and takes his seat at the table, watching her carefully, as if the baby’s going to be born the second he looks away.

“I’m just impatient, that’s all, Abdi. No more crazy spicy foods. But you can bet I’ll make anything that has a liberal amount of spice to it. I just can’t wait to see you hold her…”

“Or him,” Jaeal replies with a smirk. She truly doesn’t care what the baby is—she’s just happy to be a mom after almost a year of trying and failing. But he’s been insistent on their gender.

Drake’s eyes sparkle, smile wide as Jaela feeds Chance some toast. She’s soft to the puppy eyes now. Pregnancy did that to her—they’ll both be going on diets after this baby comes. “It’s a girl. I told you from when we first found out. I just know it.”

He’s never stopped going on about that—always believing that it’s been a girl. Hana and Max guess a boy; Liam agrees with Drake; and Liv says the best part about not knowing was having such a feeling of joy when you’re surprised, and so happy that the baby is there—and besides, why gender a fetus? But… Drake was convinced. “Well… if the baby is a girl… we’re going to have to figure out a name. We still haven’t agreed on a girl’s name.”

“We’ll figure it out when she’s here,” Drake shrugs, mouthful of toast. “I personally like Emily.” Jaela wrinkles her nose. Drake cocks an eyebrow. “What? It’s cute. It’s a good, classic—”

“It’s boring. We are not naming our daughter the most basic name in existence. She’s the daughter of Duke Drake Walker and Jaela Abdi-Walker of Valtoria. Let’s make it something special, something worthy.”

Drake laughs. “You have a point. Then, how about Madeli—”

She knows it’s a joke, that sparkle in his eyes there, but Jaela still tosses bits of eggs at him, smiling herself. If it’s a girl in there… she’s sure they’ll know the moment they see her. Why rush and assign a name that doesn’t fit?

*

Finally—she’s alone. Thank god. And she doesn’t even believe.

Drake’s been following her all morning—and frantically cleaning and organizing any room they’re in… even if he’s already cleaned it the day before. She’s been walking around to try and get this child to come out on time because if anything, aside from wanting to hold them and love them after the hell it took to get here, she wants Drake off her back, watching her like a hawk. At least when the baby is here, there’s a reason for him to follow her around. But this? She’s pregnant, not helpless.

She sighs, reaching the gym, phone connecting to the stereo. She convinced Drake that the bushes should be trimmed, so that got him away and she (barely) managed to change into tennis shoes, already wearing leggings and one of Drake’s old, too big shirts since they had no obligations. She worked until last week, until Liam nearly forced her to relax and made sure that all of her obligations were handled and covered. She could work today. But—

“Jaela!” gasps Drake, entering the room. Jaela groans, music just started, but keeps walking going to the exercise ball, sitting on it. She sure as hell didn’t want to use any of the machines. “I thought you—”

“I’m fine, Drake. I just came down her to do a little workout on the ball.” Does bouncing on it count? Although, it’s her due date and the baby has no signs of wanting to make their grand entrance, so Jaela assumes that she makes the rules now. In the mirror’s reflection, Drake looks at her, worried, while she looks like a ball herself bouncing on the ball, hands on the sides of her stomach, braids high on her head, some slipping out. She looks like a swollen mess and he simply looks like a worries mess.

She sighs as he comes behind her, hands on her shoulders, massaging them. Well, this part of him being around her isn’t bad. “That should help, right?”

“Mmhm.” It does feels good, even if she just wanted to listen to some music alone. “Maybe. It’s worth a shot and it won’t tire me out that much.” And I wanted to be left alone but… “And they’ll come when they come, Drake. Trust me—when I go into labor, you’ll be the first person to know. I promise.”

Worry melts from his face, looking at her tenderly in the mirror. “I know. And I’m sorry I’m… overbearing? I just… after everything we went through, I want them and you to be safe. So…” Damn the shoulder massages feel good. Jaela looks up at him, smiling.

“You’re already being a protective father.” Jaela touches his hand, still bouncing on the ball. It helps her back, too. Been a damn lifesaver this whole time. “You’ve been a father since we found out. Before, really. They’re going to be so lucky, you know. Nothing bad is ever gonna happen to them.”

Drake chuckles, thumb circling her neck just right. Maybe they can get back to the having sex part of trying to urge this child to Earth….“That’s right. I’ll make sure of it.”

It is annoying to have him follow her around but… Jaela sighs happily, meeting his eyes in the mirror. There’s worse things he could do than want to wait on her hand and foot, truly. She can handle him. It’s just out of love.

*

“Oh my god. Drake. What the fuck. Stop cleaning!”

Jaela watched him in a twenty-minute span clean the counters twice. Dusted all surfaces twice. Fluffed pillows twice. She just wanted to watch some trashy TV and read a book in peace with her feet up—not hear Drake mutter about dust and how the pillows look lopsided over and over. But that’s all he’s been doing all morning, following her around room by room (allowing for a two-minute gap before his arrival), watching her with worry.

It’s been a week since the due date… and the baby seems more determined than ever to stay in there. Aside from the one close call—but the cramps stopping and the baby was back to normal, stretching in there. Even if they’ve been a bit quiet since the early hours of the morning and Jaela’s been brushing off light pain as Braxton Hick’s, or signs of far too early labor. For too early to go to the hospital for and to have Drake whining to her about how they should go there. So, she’s quiet about it, just wanting to relax—and not telling him that she knows the baby will come soon. Even if soon meant three days from now.

She wants peace. And he is the opposite. He’s annoying, really.

Drake turns, shocked, jaw dropped. “Jaela, I’m just cleaning for—”

“You’ve been cleaning for weeks now, Drake,” Jaela says, stern, petting Chance, always by her side. Her brows are furrowed and she frowns, glaring at him, voice sharp. “You’re nesting worse than me and you’re not the one with a seven pound—but really feels like thirty pound—baby in you who is taking their sweet time to come out. I want some peace and quiet—as we’ll never get it again—but I can’t with you around here.”

Is she being harsh? She’s too annoyed at her husband, looking like a wounded puppy, to care.

Jaela starts to stand, and Drake rushes to help, but she waves him off, pulling herself up, wincing at the sharpness in her back. Hand on her lower back, one on her stomach, Jaela looks up to him, eyes narrowed. “Jae, I’m just trying to help—”

That’s an idea. “You know what would help me,” Jaela says, waddling—more or less—to the kitchen, where their keys are. Drake and Chance follow. “Is you going to work.” She tosses him the keys, triumphant in her idea.

Drake frowns himself, holding them up, inspecting them as if they’re a foreign object. Granted, they haven’t left the duchy in over a week. Walked every inch of it together for a date… most nights in a row. But still. They’ve been on lockdown, just waiting for baby Abdi-Walker to say hello. “How…? I don’t want to leave you alone, Jaela.”

Jaela groans. “Just for a few hours, okay? Go to the palace, have a whiskey, answer some emails, sign some papers and then come back to me? Let me just… be… in peace? Can you please do this for me?” she pleads, going to him, hands on his chest. Drake caresses her stomach, resignation across his face. He can’t resist her when she pleads, batting her lashes, asking for a favor. “Like I said, I promise you’ll be the first one to know if I’m in labor and… and I highly doubt in the three hours that you’re gone I’ll be having a baby. Just a little break? Talk to Liam? Do something productive that isn’t wiping the counters to an early death, please?”

And like magic—of course—Drake sighs in defeat and kisses her tenderly, rubbing her stomach. “Fine. A few hours. Then I’m here until I return to work after the baby’s born, understand? And Jaela—don’t be a martyr—if anything happens—” Their eyes lock, his tone serious. Jaela knows in those chestnut eyes she hopes their child will have that he means it. “You call me, okay? Call me and I’ll be here to help you and we’ll be off to the hospital to have a baby. Understand?”

“Mmhmm…” She smiles wide, kissing the tip of his nose. “I do. Now… get to work. I need to catch up with some Housewives…” She taps his ass when he turns, rolling his eyes, and she giggles, happy for the peace and quiet—and settling dust—to come.

Although, an hour later, when the pain is constant her water breaks the second she’s out of the shower, all she can mutter is, “Well, shit.”

Disclaimer: All characters and rights belong to Pixelberry Studios.

Permatag: @youwontlikewherewewillgo, @mfackenthal, @hhiggs, @jadedpixiescribbles, @ashtonmore, @enmchoices @the-everlasting-dream, @hopefulmoonobject, @krisnicjack, @museofbooks, @ladynonsense, @innerpostmentality, @thatcatlady0716, @lizeboredom, @choicessa, @boneandfur, @tmarie82, @speedyoperarascalparty, @thatspicegirlssong @zigthetwig, @craftytacotrashdream, @blackcoffee85, @akrenich, @trr-fangirl, @client-327, @abbiebishops, @thewolvesss

Drake: @fairydustandsarcasm​

#trr #drake x mc #the royal romance #playchoices #drake walker #playchoices fanfic #choices fanfic #trr fanfic #trr fic #playchoices fic #choices fic #drake x jaela #HAPPY PEOPLE HAPPY #drakewalkerwhipped fic #long post #read more #draela #the royal heir #really

[thedefinitionofbts]

In Your Eyes

Pairings: Jeon Jungkook x Reader ft. the rest of BTS

Genre: Fluff, Comedy, Drabble

Words: 2.5K

Description: Jungkook is not adept at interacting with girls, especially not ones he’s been crushing on for years. 

A/N: Because I really needed this after all the Jungkook angst. 

“Doing 10 more reps is not going to make you feel any better you know.”

Jungkook grunts, before placing the weight back on the rack. 

“You’ve been at it for hours. Take a break man.” Seokjin takes another sip from his water bottle, using the towel draped over his shoulder to wipe the trickle of sweat that’s started to run down from his forehead.

It had only been a couple of weeks ago that Seokjin started dragging the younger male along with him to the gym. He thought it’d take more convincing, but the mention of girls being attracted to fit guys was all it took to get Jungkook off the couch he’s been playing video games on for the past few months. He didn’t expect Jungkook to become this obsessed with weight training, didn’t think the nerd had it in him, but boy was he wrong. 

“I’m this close to hitting my goal body fat percentage.” Jungkook sits up from the bench and grabs his usual blend of protein powder and mineral water, biceps twitching as he lifts the bottle to pour the liquid down his throat.

“Don’t tell me you’re already treating this like gaming stats.”

“You need to have goals in your life.” 

“What’s the point? You don’t even take shirtless post-workout selfies.” Seokjin turns to face the mirror and begins stretching, admiring his self-proclaimed perfect face in the process. “And if you think your newly developed muscles are going to just translate over to your nonexistent social skills, I have some bad news for you bro.” 

“I just want to see improvement ok?” Jungkook defends, walking over to the next station. 

“You seriously think I don’t know the real reason you’re pushing yourself so hard?” Seokjin glances over to eye the sweaty boy who’s now moved on to legs. “You literally hid behind a bush when you saw her walking towards you last week.”

“I was still in my sweaty gym clothes!” Jungkook exclaims, as if it could pass as an excuse. 

“And what about the time you kept laughing after everything she said, even when it wasn’t meant to be funny?

“I was nervous.”

“When are you not when you’re around her?”

Jungkook doesn’t have a response to that. He knows Seokjin knows. There’s no point in hiding the fact that he’s harbored a crush on you since he saw you walking down the halls for the first time in high school.

“Do you want me to just talk to her for you?”

“What the hell? No!” Jungkook snaps back. “I mean, what would you even say?”

“Umm, hey Y/N, I have a friend who’s a couple years younger than both you and I. You know that kid who’s super awkward around new people and especially you because he’s had a huge crush on you for years now. So…you interested in going on a date with him?” Seokjin cracks up, unrestrained windshield wiper laugh reverberating through the gym making some annoyed heads turn.

“Fuck off” Jungkook mutters, rolling his eyes.

“Hey, I’m just trying to help.”

“Remind me why we’re friends?”

“Because I’m in the same year as her, and you kept asking me for updates when I left for college and you were still stuck in high school.”

Jungkook groans, he knew that decision would come back to haunt him, but he just couldn’t help himself back then could he?

 …

 “Dude” Taehyung sighs. “Just ask her out. The worst she can say is no.” He proceeds to pick up his controller after stuffing a hand full of chips into his mouth, talking mid-chew with eyes still glued to the screen.

“I can’t. It’ll crush every dream I’ve ever had.” Jungkook tilts his head up and squeezes his eyes shut. “And not in that way! You know what I mean!” He quickly adds before Taehyung’s eccentric mind can run off to god knows where. 

“You’re acting like her rejecting you is the end of the world.” The older male huffs, leaning back on the couch the two of them were huddled on. 

“It is!” Jungkook cries, burying his face in his hands.  

Taehyung shakes his head. “You’re so whipped. Just look at yourself. Training your ass off with Seokjin, wearing clothes you used to hate just because you think she might like guys who dress fancy.” Taehyung stops playing and turns to Jungkook. “Name brands were always my thing.”

“I borrowed that weird patterned shirt one time!” Jungkook exasperates, recalling how hideous he thought it was; yet still forcing himself to throw it on despite it not being his preferred style. “You’re never going to let it go are you?”

“It was Gucci!” Taehyung exasperates, making a clearly offended face.

 …

 “The way you literally choke on your words every time you try to say hi to her, does not match all of this.” Jimin gestures towards Jungkook’s perfectly proportioned body.

“What?” Jungkook crossed his arms defensively, making his practically see through white button up crinkle near the chest area.  

Jimin huffs a shortened laugh. “In case you actually don’t own a mirror-which sometimes I question if you do, you’re fucking hot.” Jimin’s voice echoes throughout the empty dance studio. He’s stopped stretching his legs and has begun examining his own hair in the mirror, running a hand through his soft locks and making sure they look on point like always.

The door to the studio opens and a sleepy Hoseok walks in. “All I heard is ‘you’re fucking hot’, and I don’t want to know the context.” He says as he drops his bag and begins changing into more comfortable shoes.  

“Hobi! You’re late.” Jimin accuses.  

“I worked an overnight shift.” The older male responds, letting out a long exhale before starting his routine warm-up.

“I see you’re back to Timberlands” Hoseok comments as he eyes Jungkook’s boots, clearly remembering Namjoon’s comment on how the boy is recently changing up his sense of fashion.

“I-I never moved on from them,” Jungkook says feeling a bit embarrassed as he looks down at his favorite pair of shoes. He knew he was going to be in the dance studio all day, so there was no need to dress to impress because he wouldn’t be seeing anyone (especially not you) except Hoseok and Jimin.

“He only dresses up when there’s a chance to run into you know who.” Jimin blurts out, causing the youngest male to run up and tackle him.

“Who? Y/N?” Hoseok asks raising a brow, interest sparked for the first time since he got out of bed today.

“Yeah, he thinks it’ll get her to notice him.”

“Hyung!” Jungkook whines.

“Hey, I wasn’t finished yet. I was about to add how unnecessary it is when you look good in everything anyways.“ Jimin flashes him an angelic smile, making Jungkook loosen his hold on him.  

“Oh, so that’s why you’ve been acting so weird lately.” Hoseok comes to realization. “Can’t blame you though, she’s really pretty and like what, 3 years older?”

“Almost 4” Jimin corrects.

Jungkook feels like he wants to crawl into a hole and never come out. Why were his friends like this? God, he shouldn’t have been so obvious about his crush on you, but he was never good at hiding his true feelings, especially not when his hyungs were all so observant. 

 …

  “Namjoon?” Jungkook begins to ask. “You think you could help me, uh, compose a song or something?”

Namjoon glances up from his laptop. “Yeah, sure. But can I ask why you suddenly want to do something I’ve been trying to spark your interest in for ages?”

“Oh no reason, just I, uh, wanted to, I mean…I-I like music?” Jungkook mentally curses for being so non-covert.

Namjoon chuckles lightly. “You want to write a song for Y/N right?” Namjoon grins, hitting the target and getting straight to the point.

“I-I….yeah…I guess that’s what I was considering.” Jungkook admits.

“Of course I’ll help, but you should probably allow her to get to know you before gifting her a random love song.” Namjoon laughs again. “That might just scare her off.”

“Y-yeah, I’m working on that.” Jungkook knows he’s hopeless. He’ll never gather the courage to actually talk to you, not when he’s barely able to look you in the eye when he’s attempting to just say hi. “I’m just bad at expressing my feelings or just talking to girls in general.”

Namjoon smiles warmly, dimples forming on the sides of his cheeks. “Honestly though, the best way is to just be yourself.” He encourages. “I’m sure she’ll find a lot of things about you to be charming.”

  …

  Jungkook’s never been one to strike up random conversations with strangers, but he figures Yoongi was just giving him a chance to practice honing his social skills. That is, until he sees you walking into the coffee shop. He immediately diverts his eyes, training his gaze onto the cars passing by outside and hoping that you’re not actually walking towards their table.

Yoongi didn’t mention who the person joining you guys was, and he prays his horrible instincts are being their normal horrible selves and that you won’t-

“Yoongi!”

This can’t be happening.

“Y/N!” Jungkook can practically see the signature half-smile plastered on Yoongi’s face, but no, he refuses to turn and acknowledge the reality of the situation.

No, this is not happening. Maybe if he closes his eyes-

“You’re Jungkook, right?” He hears the sweet melody of a females voice drift to his ears.

Fuck.

“H-h-hi” Jungkook says, clearing his throat and shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Glad you could make it, Y/N.” Yoongi says, smiling as if nothing was wrong, and pretending like this was the most natural situation he could’ve thrown the youngster in, and not purposefully set up at all. “I wanted to officially introduce the two of you. I know you’ve already met, but-”

Yoongi’s phone vibrates before he can finish. Jungkook watches intently as the male looks down and checks the message. “Oh, looks like Namjoon janked up the microwave again. I gotta go fix that shit before the guy starves or burns down the apartment trying to cook.” Yoongi puts on a fake sad face.

Yoongi can’t be leaving. Jungkook’s eyes widen in horror.

“You guys don’t mind if I head out right?”

Jungkook opens his mouth to protest but you reply before he has the chance to.

“Oh yeah, you go ahead. We’ll be fine.” You smile at Jungkook who glances at you shyly before fixing his large doe-eyes back on the empty table in front of him.

Yoongi sighs. “The guy has an IQ of a genius, but he’s a total klutz.”

Jungkook hears you laugh, but he’s sweating so much he wonders why the fucking AC in the shop feels like it’s turned off when it’s actually on full blast.  

 …

 “So you’re a college freshman now, right?” You turn to Jungkook after Yoongi leaves, trying to focus on creating a lighter mood. You’ve always known he was the extremely introverted type, someone who takes a while to open up.

“Y-yeah, starting soon, classes starting-” You giggle at the way he squeezes his eyes shut and mutters something under his breathe when his sentence doesn’t come out coherently.

“Hey, well congrats on surviving high school.” You still remember seeing him in the hallways back then, the scrawny kid who would look away every time you waved at him. You had asked Seokjin about it, but the older male just said he was a shy one. Seeing him act the same way now was utterly endearing, and you liked how his sweet personality hasn’t changed despite the noticeable transformation in his physique.

“High school, yeah.” Jungkook mutters. “Y-you’re uh, almost done with college right?” Jungkook winces at the way the pitch of his voice gradually got higher as he finished that last sentence. Because puberty still likes to pay him random visits now and then.  

You giggle again. “Yup, I’m in my last year, but I’ll be attending grad school at the same university.”

Jungkook’s eyebrows lift in surprise. “T-that means you’ll still be here…”

“Mmm-hm” You hum in confirmation. “So if you ever need help with school, hit me up.”

“Y-you’d do that?”

“Of course. We’ve known each other long enough.” You reply nonchalantly.

“Hehe, y-yeah. Known each other…”

“You know, on the outside you look like the type of guy who would just fuck a girl and leave, but on the inside you’re like super nerdy and a complete jokester with your friends. Am I right?” You give him a knowing look.

Jungkook’s jaw drops.

“Sorry, I should’ve been more refined with that statement. I guess what I’m trying to say is, you totally seem like the type who’s super soft but hides under a hardened shell.” You watch as an astonished expression washes over his face. “It’s the vibe you always given off.”

You still remember the days he was always dressed in a hoodie too big for him or that white shirt he must either continuously wash or own several of the same kind. You briefly wonder why he’s recently stopped sporting the style that you’ve grown to associate him with.

“Always?” He wonders how long you’ve been analyzing him to come up with such an accurate portrayal. He’s usually misunderstood.

“Yeah, ever since I first saw you back in high school. And I totally thought you hated me or something.” You chuckle, recalling how he seemed to avoid you at all costs. “You don’t actually… hate me right?” You slowly lift your eyes to meet his, waiting for a response.

“No!” Jungkook answers quicker than his reflexes can even allow. “Y/N, I’ve actually liked you since high school. Like, like-like. And I’m just so nervous around you and super socially awkward in general, and I didn’t want to come off weird and shit. Uh, fuck.” He blurts out, finally revealing his feelings that he’s kept hidden from you for so long. It’s the most embarrassing thing he’s done to date, and he swears he’ll hide away from society for good after this day. “Haha, wow, I can’t believe I just said that.” He bites his bottom lip, feeling his cheeks blossom into the darkest shade of rose that’s physically possible.

You feel your heart skip a beat as his confession, a feeling that gradually spreads as a soothing warmth throughout your chest. “A-actually, I have too.” You admit, voice soft and shy, much like his is 90% of the time.

Jungkook is speechless at that moment, just gaping at you for what feels like an eternity because this obviously can’t be real.

“W-what?” Jungkook feels like he’s in a dream. How was this possible? There’s no way you could’ve just admitted that you’ve had a crush on him too, and since fucking high school. This can’t be real. This can’t.

“Jungkook, I’ve liked you since then too.” You repeat, firmer this time because he looks like he’s in a daze. 

Jungkook has to swallow before replying because he’s still in the most shocked state he ever been in. “R-really?”

You nod, eyes gazing into his with a sincere resolve.

“Shit. I can’t believe. Wow.” Jungkook doesn’t know what to do with himself in that moment, but he’s so fucking relieved he feels like someone just transported him to heaven. This was actually real. “Wait, d-does that mean you’ll, uh… go out-”

“Yes, Jungkook.” You smile tenderly. “The answer is yes.”

...

#jungkook scenarios #bts scenarios #jungkook fanfic #bts fanfic #jungkook x reader #jungkook fluff #bts drabble #jungkook drabble #bts fluff #jeon jungkook #jungkook #jeongguk #bts

[ginnyweatherby]

Reflection

So awhile back @thestanfoubrew and I discussed the possibility of Stan developing a bit of a DadBod a few years into his marriage, so this is that fic.

This is supposed to be a Christmas present even if it isn’t a holiday story to her for being such a lovely friend, but if anyone else is in the mood for 3000+ words of Stanfou family fluff, this could be a present for you too.  Hope you like it! :)

Stanley pulled his shirt over his head with a sigh.  It had been a long day at work, only to come home to his sons arguing, and his daughters were still fighting off colds, making them whinier than they normally were.

Lefou had been a saint, as usual.  He’d spent the day breaking up the boys fights, trying to keep the girls comfortable and rested, and still somehow managed to find the time to have dinner prepared when Stanley walked through the front door.  Maybe Stanley should do something nice for his husband soon to thank him for all he put up with…

“Nice view,”  Lefou’s voice startled Stanley out of his thoughts.  He looked down and noticed he still hadn’t thrown on a pajama top, and his pants were riding lower than usual.

“I’m going to bed,”  Stanley said, with a roll of his eyes.

“Oh, I’m not complaining,”  Lefou said.  He grabbed a shirt from the chair next to the bed, gave it a quick sniff, and shrugged before pulling it on.

“You know we have a washing machine, right?”  Stanley peeled the covers back on the bed, before climbing underneath.

“I’m going to bed,”  Lefou echoed, as he joined Stanley on the mattress.

“Did they go down alright?”  Stanley had made sure the boys brushed their teeth and went to sleep on time, while Lefou attempted to put the girls down.

“Well enough,”  Lefou shrugged.  “They were exhausted,”

“I hate seeing them so sick,”  Stanley said, remembering how congested they both sounded, and Michelle’s lingering cough.

“Me too,”  Lefou agreed.  “Camille was acting much more like herself today, though,”

“That’s good,”  Stanley said, reaching over to turn off the lamp on his bedside table.

“Well, at least tomorrow is Saturday,”  Lefou said, burying himself deeper under the covers, scooting closer to Stanley.  The man radiated heat like a furnace when he slept, but liked to fall asleep snuggled up, before kicking the blankets off somewhere in the middle of the night – leaving Stanley half frozen.

“Says the stay-at-home-dad,”  Stanley teased, rolling onto his side to look at his partner.

“Exactly, it’s my day off,”  Lefou chuckled.

“Fine, I’ll let you sleep in tomorrow,”  Stanley said, as if he didn’t let Lefou sleep in every weekend.

“I knew there was a reason I kept you around,”  Lefou said, with a smile.  In the darkness, Stanley could only just make out the little space between his teeth.

Stanley laughed, before he began to drift off.  It was so easy to fall asleep when Lefou was playing with his hair like that…

“You need a haircut,”  Lefou said after awhile, jolting Stanley back into consciousness.

“Mmph,” Stanley mumbled, nuzzling his face deeper into Lefou’s shoulder.

“I’ve never known you to go more than six weeks without a trim,”  Lefou was being chatty tonight.  “Are you growing it out?”

Stanley shook his head, his eyes still shut.  “Haven’t had the time,” he mumbled.

“I could trim it,”  Lefou suggested.

“Do you really want to relive the time you cut Barney’s hair?”  Stanley asked, remembering the image of their poor son walking around with an uneven haircut for a week before Stanley took him to a professional to fix it.

“That’s different, his hair is curlier than yours,”  Lefou said.

“I’ll get it cut tomorrow if it bothers you so much,”  Stanley said.

“Oh, no,”  Lefou said, still running his fingers through Stanley’s locks.  “It’s growing on me, actually,”

“Mmhm,”  Stanley hummed, not convinced.

“Your sideburns could use a little work, though,”

“Goodnight, Lefou,”  Stanley rolled over to face the wall, pulling the blankets with him.

“Night, babe,”  Lefou said.  Stanley could practically hear the fond smile in his voice.

The next morning, Stanley kept his promise of letting Lefou sleep in.  He rolled out of the bed, careful not to disturb his snoring lover, even though he knew Lefou would probably sleep through a plane crashing through the ceiling.

He could hear Camille babbling to herself in the next room, and knew it wasn’t likely she would fall back asleep.

“G’morning, honey,” Stanley softly greeted as he pushed her bedroom door open.  Michelle was drooling on her pillow on the adjacent bed.

“HI DADDY!”  Camille shouted.

“Shh, let’s let Michelle sleep a little more, okay?”  Stanley carried his youngest daughter out of the room, softly closing the door behind them.

“Are you hungry?”  He asked, brushing some of Camille’s hair away from her eyes.

“I AM!”  Came a yell from across the hall.

Stanley sighed.  So much for letting the others sleep.

“Bartholomew, hush, it’s still early,”

Barney turned the corner from his bedroom, skidding across the floor in his socks.

“But I’m starving,”  Barney whined, tugging on the bottom of Stanley’s shirt.

“I hardly think you’re starving,”  Stanley rolled his eyes, lowering Camille into her favorite seat at the head of the table.

“It’s true, Daddy,”  Barney continued, draping himself across one of the kitchen chairs.

Stanley bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing at his son’s dramatics.  The boy was more like Lefou every day.

“Well, what are you starving for, then?”  Stanley asked, as he fixed Camille a cup of juice.

“Breakfast,”  Barney said, simply.

Stanley sighed.  Eggs it was, then.

By the time he had sausage sizzling in the pan, the rest of his family had wandered into the kitchen.  It was amazing how the smell of breakfast was the only thing that seemed to be able to get Emilien out of bed at a decent hour.

“Do you need help with anything?”  Lefou asked with a yawn, as Michelle crawled onto his lap.

“Nearly done,”  Stanley said, moving the plate of sausage onto the table. “Michelle, are you going to sit on your own chair?”

Michelle shook her head, nuzzling her face into Lefou’s neck.  At four years old, Stanley had given up hope that she might become a morning person like himself.

Stanley fell into his chair, and helped the kids fill their plates, before he loaded up his own.

“Whoa, Dad, that’s a lot of eggs,”  Barney said, now sporting a milk mustache.

“I’m bigger than you are,”  Stanley said, passing the boy a napkin, which he ignored in favor of his sleeve.

“Uncle Gaston eats a lot of eggs,”  Emilien said.

“Rumor has it he eats five dozen of them,”  Lefou commented, giving Michelle a bite from his fork.

The boys made little noises of awe, causing their parents to laugh.

Stanley began pushing his food around his plate, suddenly feeling a bit sluggish.  Perhaps his eyes were bigger than his stomach that morning.  He had been eating a bit more than usual, lately, but he and Lefou were decent enough cooks, and they did order takeout more often than they probably should…

“… You feeling okay, babe?”  Lefou asked, his face painted with concern.

Stanley snapped out of his reverie before he could let his train of thought go any farther.

“I’m great,”

In his younger years, Stanley made it a point to hit the gym at least every other day, but as of late, he was lucky to go once a week.  It wasn’t that he didn’t like to stay fit, but his life had gotten so busy between the boys’ school activities, or his work schedule, or whatever family outings Lefou had planned for their weekends.

The inactivity was making today’s workout session a bit more strenuous than usual.

He huffed as he upped his speed on the treadmill, his favorite workout playlist blasting through his headphones.  It felt good to exercise, even if he was getting a little winded.  He paused to take a drink from his water bottle.  Just a few more miles and he would head home. He really was getting old.

After a quick shower in the gym locker room, Stanley caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror.  His too-long hair was still wet, dripping down his shoulders, and his face flushed from overexertion.  He’d also neglected to shave that morning, and now his face was covered in short, scruffy hairs.  Ten years ago he would have scoffed at his sloppy appearance.

With a last shrug at his reflection, he threw his gym bag over his shoulder and exited the locker room.

“Dad, do you have any pictures from when I was a baby?”  Emilien asked, throwing his backpack haphazardly on the floor.

“I do,”  Stanley said, picking up the bag, and handing it back to him. “Do you know why we keep hooks by the door?”

Emilien scowled, but put the bag in its proper place.

“What do you need pictures for?”  Stanley asked, as Barney darted past him, headed for the kitchen.  After-school snacks were very important to the younger boy.

“It’s for school,”  Emilien said.  “We have to make a family tree, and I think it would be cool if I used baby pictures instead of newer ones,”

“I think that’s a great idea,”  Stanley said.  “We’ll have to dig out some of my old baby pictures,”

“I bet there’s dinosaurs in the background,”

“Just how old do you think I am, kid?”  Stanley narrowed his eyes.

Emilien paused for a moment, thinking it over.

“Don’t answer that,”  Stanley stopped him, before lowering his voice.  “Just remember, Papa is even older than me,”

“He must be ancient, then,”  Emilien giggled.

“What’s ancient?”  Lefou asked, as he passed by, a snoozing Camille on his shoulder.

“Nothing, darling,”  Stanley said, throwing a wink in Emilien’s direction.

Stanley watched as Lefou lifted a heavy box from the top shelf of the hall closest.  “And here I thought I took a lot of pictures,”

Lefou rolled his eyes.  “What can I say?  Barney was a cute baby,”

“Are any of your baby pictures hiding in this box?”  Stanley asked, as Lefou handed it to him.

“A few.  I think there’s some of my sister in there too,”

“Did your parents make you two dress alike too, or was that just mine?” Stanley carried the box into the living room.  The boys were at school, and Stanley had promised to have a good assortment of baby pictures for Emilien to choose from when they got home.

“No, our parents let us be individuals,”  Lefou teased, as they sat on the floor, and he lifted the lid from the box.

“The tragedies of having sisters who are triplets, I suppose,”

“Ohh, look at him,”  Lefou cooed, as he displayed a picture of a little baby in a car seat, the tiniest patch of red hair on his head.  “This was when I first got to bring him home,”

Stanley smiled.  He’d looked at baby pictures of Barney before, but he knew there were still ones he hadn’t seen.

Stanley rooted through the box, before he emerged with a photo of Barney, a few months older.  “Was this his first birthday?”

“Can’t you tell from the frosting beard?”  Lefou laughed, taking the picture from him.  “Who’s that, Michelle?”

Michelle climbed onto his lap, and inspected the picture.  “Camille,”

“No, darling, that’s Barney!” Lefou said.

Michelle laughed at the thought of her older brother as a baby.

“I bet I have some of you as a baby,”  Lefou said.  He rummaged through the box, before pulling out a copy of one of Stanley’s favorite pictures.

“Is that Camille?”  Michelle said, pointing at it.

“That’s Camille, yes,”  Lefou said, moving her finger, “but that’s you,”

Stanley didn’t have to look at the picture to know they were looking at the moment Michelle first met her sister.  Camille was in Stanley’s arms, while a five-month-old Michelle balanced in Lefou’s lap.  She was looking intently at the little bundle Stanley was holding, one hand stuck in her mouth, the other reaching for her new sister.

Michelle continued to look with them for a few more pictures before she got bored and wandered off.

“Oh, I forgot this one was in here,”  Lefou breathed, as he found another photo.  Stanley looked closer and felt his heart tighten.  It was a picture of Lefou holding another little baby – this one with his same dark hair and eyes.

“Emilien won’t be able to use this one, I suppose,”  Lefou said, with a watery smile.

“We’ll tell him about her soon, don’t worry,”  Stanley squeezed Lefou’s hand, and opened his mouth to continue when he heard Camille wailing from her room.  She had been taking a nap, and rarely woke up from one in a good mood.

“I’ll get her,”  Stanley said, standing up.  “See if you can find any embarrassing pictures of you.  I’m sure the boys would love to see them,”

Lefou nodded, gently placing the treasured picture next to him.  “I’ll keep looking,”

By the time the boys returned home, Stanley and Lefou had managed to make a decent sized stack of baby pictures to choose from.  They didn’t know if Emilien would want silly pictures or more serious pictures, so they picked a few of each, which he and Barney were now going through.

“Is that Emilien, Daddy?”  Barney asked, pointing at a picture his brother was holding.

“That’s him,”  Stanley nodded.  It was one taken shortly after he adopted Emilien, the proud smile of a new father on his face, as his sisters crowded around.

“Dad, you were so skinny,”  Emilien noted, after they’d gone through most of the stack.

Stanley frowned.  He hadn’t noticed much of a change in his body type over the years.  He took the picture from his son and his frown deepened.  He did look thinner.  And younger.  Granted, the picture was taken about decade ago, when he only had one child to chase after, but still.

Stanley looked down at himself, a little self-consciously.  He was still relatively fit, but he knew he’d gained a few pounds, mainly in the middle region.  He supposed his steady diet of fast food and their hearty home cooking was catching up with him.

Barney giggled, as he took out another picture.  “Look at Michelle’s hair in this one!”

Stanley smiled as Barney pointed at his sister’s bedhead, forcing his negative thoughts aside.

“Stanley, are you alright?”  Lefou asked, as he walked in their bedroom to find Stanley staring at himself in the full-length mirror.  “You look… concerned,”

“Am I still attractive?”  Stanley asked, looking at Lefou in the reflection.

Lefou snorted.  “Is the sky blue?”

“I’m being serious,”

He watched as Lefou’s smile faded away, a confused pout taking its place.  “What’s this about?”

Stanley sighed.  “Have I let myself go?”

Lefou walked up to him and squeezed him from behind.  “If you have, I need better glasses,”

“Emilien pointed out that in those old pictures, I look so much thinner… and my hair was always done… and I always bothered to shave, unless I was going for facial hair,”

“… did you ever go for facial hair?”  Lefou asked, resting his chin on Stanley’s shoulder.

“Find the pictures from when Emilien was about two,”  Stanley said.  “I had a beard and everything,”

“I’ll be on the lookout,”  Lefou said.  “But honestly, you still look amazing, all the time.  I’m a little jealous how you can wear sweats and still look hot, while I have to wear a three-piece suit to even begin to look presentable,”

“That’s a lie and you know it,”  Stanley turned his head, and pressed a kiss to Lefou’s forehead.  “Although I have been wearing sweats a lot, lately,”

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that…”

Stanley sighed, but smiled.  “Maybe it’s midlife crisis creeping in,”

“If you’re already midlife, I don’t want to know what that says about me,”  Lefou released Stanley’s middle, and they made their way to the bed.

“I know I shouldn’t feel bad,”  Stanley said, draping the blankets over them, “because I’m really happy.  With you.  With the kids.  With everything,”

“We all have low moments, babe,”  Lefou said, with a yawn.  “You think I’m always Monsieur Confidence?”

“You always seem to be,”  Stanley said, honestly.  His husband never really seemed to care what others thought of him, as long as he was happy.

“Most of the time, I’m happy with myself, and the way I look,”  Lefou admitted, “but then I catch sight of my profile, or the stretch marks on my thighs and wonder what I’d look like if I were different,”

“I wouldn’t recognize my own husband,”  Stanley said.  “You know I love the way you are,”

“And I you, dear,”  Lefou said.  “That’s exactly my point,”

Stanley nodded, reaching over to turn off the lamp, even though he was far from tired.

“Night,” Lefou said, snuggling closer into Stanley side, wrapping an arm around him.

Stanley squeezed his partner, before closing his eyes.  He had some things to think about.

“Barney, where’s your reading homework?”

“Emilien, do you have your family tree project?”

“In my backpack!”

“I’ve got it here, Dad!”

It was a few weeks later, and life had moved on as usual.  Stanley still felt self-conscious on occasion, but he supposed that was human nature.

Even though as a teen and young adult, he tended to lean more towards the vain side, he supposed it didn’t really matter now.  He was healthy, he was happy, and he had more important things to worry about than if he had to go up a size in trousers, or if his hair was a little messy.  He didn’t want his kids to grow up worrying about their appearance or being unhappy with themselves.  He wanted to be a good role model for them.

So, he’d thought about it a lot.  He considered going to the gym more regularly, and cutting back on the fried foods.  While he probably still would, it would be more in an effort to stay healthy, rather than for vanity.

He had a husband, and four wonderful children who loved him just the way he was, and that should be enough.  That was enough.

“Bye, Papa, love you,”  Emilien leaned up and gave Lefou a kiss on his cheek.

“Bye, Dad, love you,”  He echoed, reaching up to kiss Stanley’s face, but before he could, Stanley fell to his knees and squeezed his son, maybe a little tighter than usual.

“I love you, kid,”  Stanley murmured.  “No matter what,”

Emilien allowed the hug to continue a moment more before complaining about missing the bus.

Stanley laughed as he released, giving Barney a hug, as well, before the boys dashed out of the house.

“… you alright?”  Lefou asked, after the door slammed behind Barney.  “That was… unusual,”

Stanley turned to look at his husband.  “I’m fine,”

As he watched the boys’ bus pull away, and heard his daughters playing together behind them, Stanley draped an arm around Lefou’s shoulder, and his smile widened.  “Actually, I’m perfect,”

#BET YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING ANGST #still mostly fluff though #i haven't written stanley's pov in awhile omg #i couldn't remember if Charlotte existed in this universe but i added her anyway #i originally had this take place when the girls were about a year old #but i figured Stan should be a little older in this story #so if it reads weird it's because i quickly had to re-edit some things #so emilien is 10 barney is 8 and the girls are 4 #disney #beauty and the beast #stafou fan fiction #lefou #stanley #stanfou #stafou #random ramblings #weatherby writes #i like queue for who you are

[victakestaipei]

WEEK 4 RECAP: “Power, Chase Bank Complaints, and TYPHOON SEASON”

As I stated in my previous posts, I’m really really really sorry for the delay here on my WEEK 4 RECAP. Granted, my weeks have started to become pretty routine; But I still like to keep my word with you guys and blog every weekend, despite the topic being my humdrum weekdays.

Anyway, let’s get to it:

Monday: 

My monday was one for the books, honestly. I stayed in bed all day long blogging and doing homework and just being a bum. It felt awesome. We got in from the Philippines early this morning, and I didn’t actually get in the bed until about 4am, so I took the liberty of playing hooky, and NO RAGRETS! 

I only left the house to get breakfast with Bunny... We went to this breakfast joint by our house and I splurged on an egg scallion pancake, a breakfast sandwich, orange juice, and a hash brown patty. It was bomb, but who am I kidding, it’s always bomb. I didn’t end up doing my homework until later in the evening, which ended up backfiring because I had SO MUCH HOMEWORK TO CATCH UP ON. It was actually pretty insane, but I still got it all done. For dinner Bunny and I picked up some potstickers from the place right outside our dorms that you all have already heard SO much about because we literally go there multiple times a week. Like I said in my intro... HUM. DRUM. 

Tuesday:

Today we went to the bakery before class, I had my daily tea, and barely survived the 3 hour period. After class we went to the gym, and I did leg day today. My legs were shaking so much, it was like they had turned to jelly over the weekend. I think this is due to the fact I took 4 days off🙄 but I managed to get my mile down to 8:30 today!!! Y’ALL!!! BASK IN THE GLORY!!! Progress!!! Slowly but surely!!!  

After the gym we went to a restaurant on the Shi Da market for lunch, and ordered fried chicken curry with rice and veggies. It was super good, and only 100 NT! (About $3.35 US).  

Afterwards, we went home and I took the longest shower ever, and then a nap (I really really needed it). I got up just to do homework, and then crawled back into the bed. I found a website that lets me watch Power online so that I can FINALLY catch up to the new season. BLESS UP!!! I started watching this show over the summer, but then I got caught up with other stuff so I never caught all the way up. I last left off on Season 2 Episode 7, but I heard the new season 4 is BATSHIT CRAZY so I need to catch up PRONTO. (Also, can I just take a minute and say I freakin’ hate Angela??? Ugh. Tasha is a ride or DIE and Angela comes waltzing in and I’m just mad as hell. Ghost is such a punkass. I literally cannot deal. Let me shut up while I’m ahead before ya’ll comment and spoil something for me.)

...He still fine as hell though... :-’)

For dinner we went to the Gong guan night market to get Gua Bao (remember those pork hamburger things from my “WEEK 2 RECAP” post? “Gua Bao? Gua BOMB!”) and egg scallion pancakes. We didn't leave the house until after 11pm, so alot of our options were closed at that point. 

Wednesday: 

I actually got up on time to head to the bus, and I was WELL RESTED!! Wow, such a rare occurance. In class I got a 95% on my dialogue quiz today. I’m getting used to pulling these A’s, but our lessons have gotten significantly harder so I find myself reviewing the characters twice as much as usual. Ew.

At the gym I did chest/shoulders/abs. I wore the wrong leggings to the gym today... I wore my normal black leggings instead of my work out leggings, so I didn't do cardio because I didn't want to be all sweaty in my normal cloth leggings... I don’t know I'm weird I guess?? But my ass was looking PHAT at the gym since I had normal leggings on hehe

After the gym Bunny and I tried this Italian spot by our school. They have a lunch menu where you can get a dish AND a side for 99 NT!!! (3-4$ US). What a deal!! I ordered pesto penne pasta and pumpkin soup as my side. Pretty plain, but still super yummy!

After lunch I went home to shower and do my homework and relax. Bunny and I got dinner around 9 because we were STARVING more than usual. I guess the soup and pasta didn’t do it for me. We hopped on the bus to head to Gong guan, but we missed our exit so we ended up taking the bus all the way to our school to go to the Shi Da night market there. MIND YOU I LOOK LIKE A CRAZY CAT LADY. I twisted my hair up and put on two bandanas after taking a shower and putting product in... and I had on a long flowy printed dress I got from the Philippines. Needless to say I looked crazy, in my shower flip flops. We got the soy sauce noodles to-go, with green beans, udon, cabbage, broccoli, and tofu. I also got to chat with my mom on skype tonight which was nice, after struggling to get her speakers to work (for like 20min) so she could actually hear me. I stuffed my face while on the phone with her, and she cheekily said “how come whenever I get you on skype you ALWAYS EATIN??” Then proceeds to laugh hysterically and say “you gonna regret it!! It’s gonna go straight to your hips!!!” ......So charming *eyeroll*, gotta love her lol.... 

I went to bed super late because I had the migraine of a lifetime. I think it might have been because I didn’t get a tea this morning... Caffeine headaches will be the death of me.

Thursday: 

I woke up with the same migraine, and was moving slow because I was so tired and my head was banging!! It was like the drummer guy from Whiplash was putting in WERK on my forehead. I was about 10 minutes late to class... I tried to rush because I knew we had a test in class, but I just couldn’t bring myself to get out of the bed on time. Kokoro (the Japanese student in my class) and I rode on the same bus to class, he was late too because he had gone clubbing last night! On a Wednesday??... Turns out, it doesn’t matter what day of the week it is here, it’s lit at the club every night. 

Class was good today. It didn't feel like it dragged as much. But, I was starving the whole time because I didn’t have time to grab some food before strolling into the class. Our teacher referenced the upcoming typhoon today! Meaning, it will be pouring, dumping rain all next week, starting this weekend. There will also be fierce winds. She told us how many people stay home and grocery shop a lot beforehand because transportation and a lot of businesses are closed. For those of you who don’t know, a typhoon is basically a hurricane. I'm not mentally prepared. Our teacher said that typhoon season lasts three months, starting in August. I’m nervous about the food aspect because we don't have a fridge in the dorm so I'm about to be eating perishables all week... canned beans and rice? God, I’m not excited. But maybe class will be cancelled a few days this week? A girl can dream!!!

In the gym it was leg day yet again! My legs weren’t half as shaky as tuesday so that’s good. I ran a 8:45 mile, after almost DYING on the first treadmill I hopped on. I was adjusting the speed and the treadmill skipped and I almost flew the fuck off. My arms were flailing and I let out this loud/awkward noise and everyone was looking at me. I caught my balance and didn't die, but I definitely quietly turned off the machine and moved to another treadmill shortly after. I think that messed up my mojo because while I was running I was constantly paranoid of the same thing happening on the machine next door. 

After the gym the three of us went to Shi Da market. I pulled out cash from the ATM but was pretty bitter about it because I looked at my bank statement and my bank (Chase Bank) charges a $5 FEE WITH EVERY NON-CHASE ATM WITHDRAWAL that I make... THAT ADDS UP?!!! Are u kidding me??! I’M BROKE AS IT IS CHASE, CUT ME SOME SLACK!!! I'm so salted. I hate Chase Bank. They suck ass. Do you know how many WITHDRAWALS I’VE HAD TO MAKE WHILE HERE??? I need a Charles Schwab account because it seems like they’re the only bank not trying to PLAY US.

I tried a new place for lunch where they had these small fried dumplings. I would show a picture but I inhaled it so fast that I didn't get to. So here's a picture of the box...hehe

I also got some more dragonfruit today    V   so so good.

After the gym I came home, showered, and relaxed. I ended up napping around 8 and woke up at like 10:30pm... I did my homework in class so I'm probably just going to eat something small and crawl back into the bed. I got a banana at the Family Mart convenience store and some apple juice and a pack of yan yans. Yan Yans are those pretzel stick things that come with the chocolate dip and they’re super good?? I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. I talked to Karis on the phone, and then Paris shortly after that. It was SO GOOD to see Paris’s face and hear his voice after so long. :-’) I miss you roomie!! I knocked out again after hanging up with him.

Friday: 

This morning I woke up to a power outage on our Gong guan campus. If this is any tell of how the rest of the weekend/next week is going to be with the upcoming typhoon, I am not ready.

I got a 99 on my quiz today... I. AM. HURT. It was so so close I could taste the perfect score!!

Today I brought my umbrella to class because the typhoon starts this afternoon/evening. Class breeezed by because there was only 7 of us today. It was back day at the gym, and it was great! I’m definitely going to be sore. And I did some booty workouts on the floor afterward. After the gym we went to Gong guan market (the one by our house, not the Shi Da one by campus) to get some food and look for a SIM card for Bunny’s phone (so that she can have a local phone number and consistent data). We stopped and got pork buns and mango before heading home. 

When I got home I finally was able to decompress from the long week. I relaxed for a few hours before leaving the house at 10pm to go to the grocery store with Bunny. When we got to the grocery store, it was about an hour or so before closing, and it looked like the apocalypse hit. All the shelves were sweeped, but we got some food to get us through the weekend.... Like wine and rice and potatoes and eggs and snacks. After the grocery store we headed home to relax and shelter away from the upcoming typhoon.

Saturday: 

I made breakfast this morning after finally leaving the bed at 1:30 pm. I made eggs and papas!! - An old fave. (Jaylene I miss you). I also cut up some apples too to eat with peanut butter. It was good, but the papas weren't up to par because I only had two seasonings... Sad day. 

The rest of the day was spent in bed, watching Power and being a couch potato. At 8:30pm our power went out again, but only for a few minutes. It was getting pretty crazy outside at this point. You could hear the wind howling and tree branches swinging and water pushing its way through the cracks in the closed windows of the bathroom/bedroom. 

At 9pm is when I spilled my Pink Moscato on my laptop. HOW COULD SOMETHING SO SWEET BETRAY ME SO HARSHLY?? My computer immediately died after letting out this depressing noise and became completely non-responsive...and so did I. I was on the brink of a meltdown. To keep from succumbing to panic, I put my phone on DND and went to sleep at 9:30pm. I literally knocked the hell out. That’s the best way to avoid problems/conflict right? Take ya ass to sleep.

Sunday:

I woke up by 4:45/5am, and reality set in. I spoke to my mom on the phone, and she helped calm me down and rationalize the situation. I was a mess. I still am a mess. I cannot afford a new computer right now, and I'm nervous about going to get it fixed because I don't want to be taken advantage of, and I wouldn't know the difference either way... I'm clearly foreign. But I have 8 years of memories and information stored on this laptop, so I'm not letting it go without a fight. I called a few places that claim to fix Apple products on Google, but none of them turned up with any real answers. So after 12pm, I ended up going to the Apple Store at Taipei 101. I took a quick shower and brought a bunch of stuff I figured I might need: my laptop, external hard drive, a flannel, umbrella, towels, a hat, and snacks. I've never been outside when there was a typhoon brewing so it's better safe than sorry right? As soon as I walked outside I could tell something was off. There weren't a lot of people bustling about, and there were countless fallen branches and leaves covering the sidewalks and roads.

I hopped on the bus, and then the MRT, to head to Taipei 101, the tallest skyscraper in Taiwan. I had this lingering thought in the back of my mind... let me illustrate... “Is it a good idea to go to the tallest sky scraper in Taiwan when there’s a hurricane with strong winds/ pouring rain just waiting to happen?”... All i could picture is the structure toppling over with all of us inside and causing this huge disaster, similar to something straight out of an Apocalyptic movie like 2012.... Anyway, I arrived just before 1pm, and come to find out, the Apple Store is CLOSED. I’m salty. All the lights are on and the store would otherwise look open, it's just that there's no one inside. It's completely empty. Even all the devices on display are powered on. It was kinda errie... Like those paper towns the military sets up, where it looks like a normal town and everything, just no one lived there...  I looked online (again) and went to their actual website where it says today (and only today) they open at 2pm instead of 11am. So I just waited around the mall for an hour until they opened. I found a bench and an outlet so I was just sitting here chilling....Glad I brought my snacks. ;)

When the time finally came to go back to the Apple Store, that overwhelming feeling came rushing over me again. I ended up crying like a PUNK to the customer service lady. So annoying!!! Ugh. I was a fragile mess. I spoke to two different managers who both spoke perfect English, and they helped to reassure me that they would try their best to help me. I have to come back tomorrow for a walk-in appointment with the Genius Bar. Fingers crossed they can help me, or at least retrieve/save my information. 

I left Taipei 101 feeling pretty defeated, so I got some McDonalds on the way home... I know it sounds silly but I needed comfort food and something that felt like home. I ordered the filet o fish (which I crave daily), with fries and a coke. This was not my best moment, but the whole meal only cost 95 NT!! (Less than $3.20). CRAZY! 

I came home and that’s when I started reading my book that I keep mentioning, “You Are A Badass” By Jen Sincero. It helped me to feel better and get into a better frame of mind. 

I took a break from reading to help Bunny make curry for tonight’s dinner. It was BOMB and came out fairly well if I may say so myself. I’ll definitely be making curry more often when I come back to the States.

I finished reading my book just before calling it a night. SUCH a good read I cannot stress this enough!!! I learned so much from Jen’s words and she adds funny stories/anecdotes and the way she describes things is just so relatable. If you have a chance to read it I definitely recommend!!!

I went to sleep pretty late, I was laying in bed catching up with Jay (via text) and other friends from back home. Before closing my eyes, I decided to practice meditation, which is one of the key concepts in the book. I wasn’t very successful the first time, because it was hard to clear my mind and just be still. I know it takes practice, so I’m going to try to dedicate time every day to meditate for at least 5 minutes! Feel free to join me on this challenge, it’s supposed to reap unprecidented benefits!

Also, please pray that when I take my laptop in tomorrow to the Apple Store they can fix whatever’s wrong!!! I need all the prayers I can get. I’m speaking it into existence now: MY COMPUTER WILL LIVE. IT WILL RISE AGAIN. IT WILL POWER ON.

Until next time,

xoxo

[artificialqueens]

New Man Part 3 // Rolling in the Deep (Biadore) - Fucking Awful.

A/N: Back with Part 3 of the New Man saga! Another 3500 words of Biadore angst that I swear is going to get happy in a chapter or so. I think there will be 5 chapters, maybe a 6th. Few things:

First, funny story: “Fucking Awful” was actually supposed to be the name of Chapter 2, but because I’m a dumbass and don’t understand the naming conventions it ended up as my author name. AND I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT IT because you know what, I am fucking awful.

Second: This is back in Danny’s POV. I like switching back and forth, but I feel I get Danny (or the version of him that lives in my trash brain) a little better. There are few train of thought moments, designated by italics. 

Third: Back to song inspiration, this time from a different British redhead – the goddess Adele, and “Rolling in the Deep.“ (Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYEDA3JcQqw) No one is singing, its just a soundtrack to what happens here. Lyrics are in italics AND indented. 

Fourth: Let me know if these are too long and wordy. It’s something I get critiqued on professionally, so I’m keen to reel in unnecessary words in my creative/for fun writing.

Alright that’s it, hope you enjoy this! XOXO Fucking Awful

 “Oh shut UP!” Danny yelled at no one in particular, grasping blindly for his phone to shut off the alarm. “Fuck! Shit! Balls!” He finally managed to quiet the Marimba. 10:12am. An hour and 33 minutes until Johnny would be there to pick him up. Just enough time for a run – Danny was into fitness now – and a shower before brunch with his friends and…oh God.

Danny remembered he had to see Roy today, and out came a full body groan. He had spent the last 2 weeks telling his crew how excited he was for them to meet Roy – his Willow and his best friend, not just that guy from TV. But now everything was so utterly fucked, and after last night he could barely look at Roy let alone fawn over him at a bottomless brunch. Dragging himself out of bed and into workout clothes, Danny mentally prepared for what was coming.

Roy is cheating on his boyfriend. Roy is trying to cheat on his boyfriend with you. You basically told him to fuck off and that you don’t want to know him anymore. Now you are going to spend the whole day with him. Party.

He was now fully awake, partially from the blast of cold Seattle air but mostly from seething anger. What in the fuck did Roy think he was doing? The Haylock he knew wasn’t a cheater, he wasn’t even into open relationships. Moreover, he knew infidelity was the ultimate sore spot for Danny.

They’d talked about this a million times, and Danny had probably cried about it a million more. Adore’s free love persona had made a lot of guys think they could take advantage of Danny, both cheating on him and using him as an instrument of their own cheating. Every time it crushed Danny, made him feel worthless. A committed relationship is a committed relationship, and stepping out on a partner is the ultimate sign of betrayal and disrespect. Fuck that guy (Kyle? Tyler? Who cares.) that Roy was dating, but he still didn’t deserve to be cheated on.

And Danny didn’t deserve to be treated like a whore. That Roy thought Danny would be ok with being the Other Man was what hurt and angered him the most. Danny could feel his heart racing as he stretched. He had to calm down and play this afternoon all flazeda, so his friends wouldn’t ask questions. He knew they saw Roy making out with the stranger, something they were sure to ask about, but there’s no way they saw the 7 seconds in Heaven outside. If Danny could just act normally, he could help Roy deflect uncomfortable quest –

“Oh fuck THAT!” Again, to no one in particular. He knew what he was listening to for the next five miles, on a loop…

There’s a fire starting in my heart Reaching a fever pitch, and it’s bringing me out the dark

—

An hour and a half later, Danny was showered and getting ready – still blasting “Rolling in the Deep” on repeat.

Finally I can see you crystal clear Go ‘head and sell me out, and I’ll lay your shit bare

The “chill” plan was no more. Some combination of Adele and adrenaline transformed hurt and disappointed Danny into a pissed off, vengeful queen. He was rocking an all-black look to brunch – hair tied back under a beanie, long sweater and t-shirt, jeans and Docs – but he painted on some red eye shadow for a little extra fire.

In the years he had known Roy, Danny had never been really and truly mad at him. Annoyed or frustrated, sure, but never angry. So this full-body heartburn of rage that was coursing through his veins and shooting out his fingertips was strange to say the lest.  

See how I leave with every piece of you Don’t under estimate the things that I will do

“If you’re going to listen to music about a woman scorned, shouldn’t you at least play Lemonade?” Johnny let himself into the apartment, sneaking past Danny who was too wrapped up in belting along with the track.

“Beyoncé may be the queen, but Adele is still good shit.” Danny didn’t even glance up, finishing the smoky rust around his lids. “Plus this track fucking goes.” He turned up the stereo louder with one hand, swiping on mascara with the other.

Johnny reached over to stop the music. “Speaking of going, we have to. Jinkx is picking up Roy” – Danny flinched imperceptibly - “and everyone else is already there. If we don’t leave now we’re gonna be…Oh, I’m sorry. Is heroin chic a daytime look now?” Johnny raised an eyebrow.

Danny smirked and chucked his mascara at his cousin. “Fuck all the way off, let’s go.”

—

Baby I have no story to be told But I’ve heard one on you and I’m gonna make your head burn

Much to Johnny’s chagrin, the Adele fest continued in the car. The full 20-minute drive was spent listening to the thumping kick-drum and haunting chorus, Danny swatting his hand away anytime he tried to switch the music.

“Dude, c’mon. This is the eighth time; can we please listen to literally anything else?”

“No. I need to feel…empowered.” Danny didn’t want to elaborate.

“Empowered to do what? Look, I know some weird stuff happened last night – great job making it awkward, by the way, don’t think we didn’t all notice – but can we please not make a scene today? I have people to impress.”

Danny knew that Johnny was trying to date one of his new friends, and he was fully in support of his cousin getting it in. “It wasn’t me who – I didn’t – ok.” Instead of turning it off, Danny reached over and cranked the music louder.

Think of me in the depths of your despair Make a home down there, ‘cause mine sure won’t be shared

If he wasn’t going to say anything to Roy, at least he could feel the revenge fantasy for the rest of the drive.

–

The table of 15 was taking up the back patio of a little hipster spot in Capitol Hill. Johnny had almost immediately broken off to make romantical moves, so Danny settled into the open seat opposite Roy and Jinkx.

“Hey Danny! Doesn’t someone look nice today!” Jinkx had a smile plastered on his face, while Roy sat next to him looking more than a little sullen.

Danny reminded himself to keep it together, for Johnny’s sake. “Thanks! Felt pretty chill when I woke up this morning, but it wouldn’t be me without something a little ratchet.” Good, normal conversation.

“Well jeez, way to assume he was talking about you queen.” The words flew out of Roy’s mouth so fast, he almost looked like he was surprised he said them out loud. Danny reacted sharply, brow furrowed and lip curled as he shook his head ever so slightly.

“I was, of course I was!” Danny heard a muffled THUD under the table, and saw Roy flinch. “I love it. Seattle looks good on ya, kid. Doesn’t it, Roy?” Danny thought it was strange that Jinkx was speaking to Roy like he was scolding a toddler.

“Of course, I’m kidding.” More strangeness, Roy sounded almost sheepish. “You look great. You always look great.”

We could’ve had it all Rolling in the Deep

As angry as he was, Danny couldn’t help smile at the complement. How did Roy continue to have this effect on him?

You held my heart inside your hand And you played it to the beat

“Yeah well, adopting the finer points of your clown makeup has its perks. Color can be a good thing.” Roy smiled a bit at that, melting Danny like ice in the desert.

What the fuck are you doing? Remember how you feel!

Danny snapped out of it. “I’m fucking starving, what are you guys getting? Jesus, what food could we even fit here? There’s no space.” He made a show of feeling cramped, and hollered across the table. “Katie, can we try to –“

“Well hey there bitches, room for one more?”

Danny whipped around, as if he needed to see who it was to know the voice. Entrance sisters are forever, after all.

“Not for you, you sneaky little shit! You’re back early!” He jumped out of his seat to hug DeLa, who wasn’t supposed to be back from Australia for another three days. God, Danny was happy to see Ben.

“Yeah well, for a penal colony the Land Down Under is surprisingly low on eligible dick. I think I’ve made my way through the entirety of New South Wales at this point.” DeLa waved to the rest of the table before making his way over to Jinkx and Roy.

“Did you borrow my sailboat to get back here, you twat? Come ‘ere.” Roy stood up to hug the queen, too. Danny was surprised how happy Roy was to see Dela, they were friends but he didn’t know they were that close.

“No grandma, we have planes now. I left the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria safely in your boat house,” Ben quipped back as he went to hug Jinkx.

“Not bad, fruit fly. Not bad.” Roy sat down and Dela rounded the table back to Danny, who had made space for him.

“So, catch me up. How’s it going?” For half a second, Danny swore he saw Ben look meaningfully at Roy and then Jinkx. “Isn’t this just a great little reunion –” THUD. There was that muffled sound again, but this time it was Ben flinching.

“Sorry guys, I know it’s cramped and we keep hitting each other.” Danny apologized.

“It’s fine Danny, really. Everyone just needs to be a little more careful.” Jinkx smiled tightly. Now the pointed looks were coming from him, Danny was sure he saw it.

What’s going on? Why are they being weird?

Oh well, nothing a few Bloody Marias won’t fix.

—

An hour later the whole table was on the spectrum of tipsy to trashed, with the notable exception of the stone cold sober Roy. Danny’s sense of weirdness was replaced with the warm buzz of micheladas, tequila and good friends. There’s a reason the Lord blessed us with bottomless brunches on the Sabbath. Listening to the laughter and seeing the connection between friends new and old, Danny started to think maybe he could be chill.

Their food plates had barely hit the table when that image shattered, again. Poor Dela, he knows not what he does.

One of Danny’s new girlfriends, Sam, was telling him and Ben about her upcoming couple’s vacation. “So yeah, 5 days in Cabo to celebrate our anniversary, or month-iversary I guess. 5 days alone – I think I love that woman, but pray for me.” Sam took a drink.

“Damn, Sam. I didn’t realize you and Charlotte had been together for two months already. That’s rad.” Danny liked Sam a lot, and was glad to see her happy.

“Two months, that’s a big one.” Ben paused for a beat before winding around to face Roy and Jinkx, who were shouting across the table at Johnny and his new ‘friend.’

“That’s about the time you figure out if a relationship is going to work,” Ben continued. Another pause, and there was that damn pointed look at Roy again. Jesus, was he drunk already?

“Speaking of which – Roy, you’ve been with Sky for about 2 months now. How’s that going?”

Ben shouted the question loud enough to disrupt Roy’s conversation, which had the unfortunate effect of getting the whole table’s attention. The whole table who had been at the bar last night and witnessed Roy’s and Danny’s little display. Silence washed over them like goddamn Hurricane Katrina, leaving Dela very clearly confused if only for a second.

Danny immediately saw red. It wasn’t just the eye shadow creeping into his corneas, or the deep scarlet brunch cocktails – he was pissed. “Yeah Roy, how is Sky?” Danny asked, nearly shouting. He could feel the anger building.

You’re gonna wish you Never had met me

“Why didn’t you bring him with you? Didn’t think he would have fun?” The power of angry Adele was rising in his chest.

Tears are gonna fall Rollin’ in the deep

“I mean, what about this trip wouldn’t be fun for him? Jinkx has never met him. Dela hasn’t met him. In fact, neither have I. Wouldn’t he want to meet your sisters? Your best friend? Why wouldn’t he want to meet me, Roy?”

Johnny interjected. “I’m sure he was busy. Danny why don’t you switch over to water?” God bless him, like any good cousin was trying to stop the train of destruction. Danny was too far down this hill to pull back.

“Nah, I’m good man. Tell me, why didn’t he come here?” He focused all his attention, staring at Roy with enough intensity to clear his blurring vision while burning a hole in eyes of the man looking back at him. 

Now it was Jinkx’s turn to try. “Danny, drop it. You’re yelling.”

“No I’m not. And you’re not my mom, Jinkx. I just want an answer to my question.” Danny never took his eyes off Roy, who’s body seemed to wilt while his eyes stayed locked.

“I didn’t mean to cause a problem guys, I –“ Dela looked totally panicked.

Fire. Heart. Fever. Scars. Breathless. Tears.

The combination of hurt, alcohol and electricity clashed like lightning, and Danny couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“Is it because you came here to cheat on him, Roy? You told him you were coming to visit your friends, but really you just came here to fuck some other guys and hope he wouldn’t find out?”

If he wasn’t yelling before, Danny sure was now. 

“You think that’s who I am, that I don’t care about other people’s feelings and that I’ll help you hurt them? You think I would be a part of that, that after all these years of pining for you I’d be so goddamn happy for your scraps of attention that I’d do it? That I’d let you jam your tongue down my throat in back alleys and fuck me in secret like your side piece?”

Well, so much for keeping that kiss a secret, Danny thought as he caught his breath. Might as well bring it home.

“You’re a shitty person, Roy. You’re a bad, mean, hateful person. You don’t care if you hurt people, do you? I never saw it before, but that you would do this to your boyfriend – to me…”

Shit, shit. Don’t cry. Do. Not. Cry. Danny couldn’t understand why Roy, who had never been at a lack of words for a moment in his life, was just sitting there silently while he railed on. The indomitable Bianca del Rio just sat there staring, and increasingly – he thought, maybe – like he was actually biting his tongue.

“You don’t have anything to say? You can’t even defend yourself because you know it’s true. I don’t know if you’ve always been like this, if something changed, or what the fuck is going on.” Danny paused, starting to feel self conscious about the volume of his voice and the lack of chiming in from any of his friends.

“Jesus, Roy. I thought Bianca was an act but the real you is so much worse. I would say I hope Sky’s off fucking someone else too, so you know what it feels like, but you’d have to be a human with emotions to get it. You’re just a heartless evil cunt.” And with that, Danny was out of steam.

—

The next seconds crawled slowly and quietly enough to hear a pin drop. Danny knew this for a fact, because he literally heard the waitress drop her pen at molasses speed. Then the world slammed back into focus, with the same jarring effect as an astronaut getting ejected into space in a Star Trek movie.

Danny felt all eyes on him – 26 silent, unblinking eyes. The only person not still basking in his impassioned speech was Roy himself, who had finally broken the stare; his eyes were closed, maybe even squeezed together, while he rested his forehead on wringing hands. Danny had never seen this body language before, which was strange because Roy was a true creature of habit.  

Feeling totally exposed – a feeling he wasn’t totally in love with at the moment – but still high on righteous indignation, Danny violently stood up to leave. He threw his credit card down on the table and walked towards the exit, speechless as a silent movie…until he heard a mumble.

“What did you say to me?” Danny turned on his heel, sure he heard Roy say something under his breath. He was ready to fight.

“I said he did, Delano. Sky did. He cheated on me. I walked in on him fucking someone. Two weeks ago.”

Danny didn’t go to school for fucking math, but something was clicking. Two weeks ago, cheating, no more Sky…damn the tequila fog.

“You guys have something in common after all – he said I was too cold to fall in love with. Didn’t think I would even care, I can’t feel anything anyway.” Roy wouldn’t look up as he spoke, his voice was calm and controlled. That was really freaking Danny out – this was his somber voice, the same one he used in the days after Danny’s dad died.

What’s going on? Danny was starting to wonder if he’d miscalculated something here. Fucking continuation school.

“You should be happy, turns out you already got what you want. I got cheated on, Danny.” Roy paused and finally looked up.

In one fell swoop, Danny realized he was so very wrong. The eyes Roy had been hiding were as red as his own, but colored instead by broken blood vessels and tears. Danny realized why he didn’t recognize the body language – he’d never seen Roy cry before.

“Happy, even if you’re wrong. I promise you I feel it.”

In that moment Roy’s voice wavered ever so slightly, and Danny felt his whole body come undone. He had to sit back in his chair to keep from falling over, seeing Roy like this turned him to actual human Jell-O.

Fuck. Fuck. Fucking fuck. Fuck. Danny’s mind raced, trying to figure out what to do. How he could fix this.

“I think I should go,” Roy said to Jinkx, who started to move in response. His voice was back to the unnerving calm. “No, stay. I’ll get an Uber, you guys have fun. Let me know how much I owe you.” Roy stood up. “Everyone, it was a pleasure to meet you in the daylight. Glad to know my friends are so well taken care of in Seattle.”

No no no, don’t leave. What is happening? What are you doing? Danny was screaming internally, but he couldn’t figure out what words to say or at this point how to even make sounds come out of his mouth.

“Bye, Danny.”

Roy said those two words with such a tenderness and finality, Danny started to panic. He needed to do something but he was immobilized, his brain fried by his earlier surge of emotion and the overload of new information.

The scars of your love, they leave me breathless I can’t help feeling we could’ve had it all

And just like that Roy was gone.

#bianca del rio #adore delano #jinkx monsoon #bendelacreme #biadore #angst #tw cheating #rpdr fanfiction #submission #canon compliant #fucking awful #new man

[vintage-story-time]

MANHATTAN MADNESS by Chili Peeler

Chapter 15

Jim paced around the apartment, wound up with excitement and nervousness, for almost a half hour after getting back to the apartment. Finally, he put on some trunks and went to lie down on a sunchair on the patio. The sun was well past its zenith but felt good. He went through the scene in his mind over and over, how he was going to lay everything on the line and see what happened. He wanted to sound confident and in control when he revealed what he knew. And in his mind, he'd played back his sister's possible reactions. Maybe she'd apologize and fight off his advances for the rest of the trip...maybe she'd tell him she was glad he knew, that she and Julie were going to tell him anyway, that she wanted to fuck him again .... whatever her reaction, Jim knew he had nothing to lose. She'd tricked him into sex so their brother and sister relationship had been irrevocably changed at that point.

It was almost 4:30 before his sister got back to the apartment. He heard her call out when she entered but he stayed where he was. She'd be able to see him through the open glass door. 'All right, time to act like a man.... show her you're ready for what she obviously wants,' he thought as he saw her come through the patio doors. "Hey! Whatcha been up to today?" Elizabeth said as she came out into the sun. She seemed relaxed enough, smiling and moving nonchalantly. 'Man, is she cool! Spent the day sucking and fucking her brother in a red sex suit and now she looks like she's back from church,' he thought. "Oh, I had a really good day," he answered as he flexed his arms and chest muscles, showing off his body to his sister. She hadn't seen it with her hood on but now he saw her eyes taking it all in. "Yeah? What did ya do? Just lay around here in the sun!" she teased as she raised her foot and poked his side. "No...I had myself a real good workout today.....worked up a good sweat," Jim said, not lying as he ogled her legs....the legs that had wrapped around him earlier. "I wouldn't mind working out like that every day while I'm here." His answer had been loaded with double entendre and he watched her face for some flicker of excitement or fear that maybe he knew. But she appeared to just take it at face value. "What did you do go for a run or something? I hope you didn't go to Central Park without me?" she said as she tilted her face to the sun. "Uh, no...I just did some exercising..um..indoors." Jim said. "How did your doctor's visit go?" "Oh, it was fine...OK," Elizabeth said as she drew her hair back over one ear in what Jim thought was a nervous gesture. Had he not known it had been her, he never would have even noticed the gesture. "Well, don't stay out her too long...you'll burn." Giving him a smile, she went back into the apartment, leaving Jim to ponder his next move. 'OK.....she's not going to confess apparently..unless she's waiting for Julie and the two of them will do it together......I'll see how things go when Julie gets back....Damn! I wish she'd make this easier for me. Well, I'm not going to go back home without getting her to open up.' Jim vowed as he closed his eyes. After another fifteen minutes, Jim got up and went inside to take a much needed shower. His sister was sitting on the couch, going through some mail and she told him that Julie should be back soon and they were going to go out to dinner. He went in his room, stripped down and got in the shower. Finished, he dried off, blow dried his hair and put on some jeans and a polo shirt. He went back out into the living room to find Julie had arrived back and was sitting on the couch with his sister, both facing each other. Their conversation tailed off as he came out of his bedroom and he wondered if he was the topic of conversation. "Why, hello Jim," Julie said dramatically, "Lizzie and I were just discussing how we've got to do a better job entertaining you." Julie, her face turned away from his sister, gave him a wink. 'Don't wink at me, you man in sheep's clothing,' he thought as Julie continued. "You've been here almost 48 hours and we haven't even taken you to one of our New York's famous restaurants. How does some Mexican food sound?" "Uh...great," he said, "Is what I'm wearing OK?" "That's fine," Elizabeth said, getting up and heading for her bedroom, "I'm gonna put on a better blouse." That left Julie and he alone in the living room. She patted the couch next to her, obviously wanting him to sit beside her but he moved past and sat down in the chair. She scooted down nearer him. "Why did you take off like that?" she asked, pitching her voice lower than normal conversation. "I might have shared a cab with you." "I wanted to be alone...I had some thinking to do." "Oh, OK, no big deal...you really made my client quite happy." Julie's hand moved onto his knee and Jim shot up out of the chair. To

say he was skitterish would have been an understatement. Knowing Julie was as much of a man as he was had him upset. "I...better get my shoes," he mumbled and headed for his bedroom, leaving the puzzled Julie alone. 'That was good, Jim,' he berated himself as he got his shoes, ' Way to be calm and collected.' He grabbed some socks and headed out again into the livingroom. His sister was back, pulling on some low heeled shoes and wearing a cream colored silk blouse with her khaki shorts. "I hope you're hungry. We were thinking about going early, if that's OK?" his sister said. "Sure, let's go. I'm starving." Jim said, noting the strange look on Julie's face. She was obviously wondering why he was acting so distant. They cabbed to the restaurant, a place called Domingo's, which was in the lower level of an office building somewhere across the East River. The interior was done in an adobe like wall covering with a mixture of Latin art work and neon lights on the walls. They were seated at a booth in the back and Elizabeth scooted in first so she was between him and Julie. "Can I get you any drinks?" the waitress asked as she lay their menus in front of them. "Yeahhh!" Elizabeth said. "Let us have three Cadillac margaritas with salt on the rims. Thanks......ever had a Cadillac before?" she asked him. "No, not a Cadillac..I've had margaritas but I didn't think they were all that great," Jim said as he dug into the chips and salsa the waitress had left. "Oh, you probably had some horrible mix...I'm not sure they can make a decent margarita in Nebraska," she kidded. The drinks came and Jim had to admit they were a lot better than the ones he'd had previously; pouring the shot of Gran Marnier in the drink really gave it a nice zip. The waitress came back and asked if they wanted another round and they ordered another round and that came soon along with their meals. And then during the meal, Jim ordered another margarita while the girls sipped their second drinks. At the end of the meal, Jim was feeling mighty good. Elizabeth reached in her purse and pulled out a cigarette and lighter. She lit up and Jim was surprised. "I didn't know you smoked?" he said. "Well, a girl's got to have her secrets," Elizabeth said with a laugh and Jim saw Julie and her exchange a glance. He knew what his sister's eyes were saying: 'Poor Jim, he doesn't know about you and me, Julie ....he doesn't know about the fun we had with him today...how we fooled him....' Jim decided to air out some of his sister's secrets. "Sis, I know a lot of your secrets." 'Oh, shit.' Julie stiffened when Jim uttered that sentence. She'd gotten a bad feeling when she'd come out to find Jim gone...it was so unlike him. Up to that point, she'd had him jumping through hoops. Now he was sitting there with that 'I know something I shouldn't' grin on his face and three Cadillacs to boost him on. She just hoped he was talking about her and Elizabeth being lovers; she could do some damage control on that. But if he'd found out who Kitten was...... Jim watched his sister's smile waver, then she took the bait he'd laid. "Yeah, right! What secrets of mine do you know?" Elizabeth said playfully. "Well, let's see...there's you and Julie being lovers....you stripping in that club of yours....and that great time you cooked up this afternoon. I tell you, when I found out it was you..." Jim stopped when his sister put her hands to her face and looked at Julie. He had expected her to be surprised but her eyes began to tear up. "Liz, he knew right away we were lovers," Julie said tenderly as she scooted closer to his sister. "I told you it was a risk inviting him." "Beth, I'm sorry, I thought since we, you know.." Jim tried to apologize. "All right..." Elizabeth said through a sniffle. "How did you find out about where I work?" Jim did not know how to answer that one. He wasn't sure he should say Julie had taken him; apparently

things weren't as he thought. "I took him there," Julie confessed. "WHAT!" How could you?" Elizabeth said as she pushed away Julie's arm. "Julie, you had no right to do that!" "I'm sorry," Julie said, "He knew about us and I could tell he would enjoy it.....I mean, he's not hung-up..." "You thought he would enjoy watching me...." Elizabeth's eyes were flashing with anger now. "And did you tell him I would be there or did you just surprise him?! No, don't answer that..I know the answer." "Lizzie, don't be like this." Julie said. "You be quiet!" Elizabeth said to Julie, then turned to her brother. "And you mentioned this afternoon...what do you know about that?" Jim now realized that his sister did not know he had been the one that had enjoyed her charms. He'd misread the whole thing; it had been Julie working alone. He didn't answer her, just looked at Julie. He wasn't going to spill the beans to his sister, let Julie make up something if she could. "Come on, Jim. Look, I'm not mad at you....." she placed her hand over his, "How did you find out about this afternoon?....What? Did Julie let you watch?!...." "Beth, I didn't know it was you..." was all Jim could say. He saw understanding appear on his sister's face and she whipped her head at Julie. Julie just sat there, using her fork in the remnants of her meal and looking at Elizabeth in resignation. "It was him, wasn't it?......God, Julie!" Elizabeth was sieving now; she grabbed her purse and scooted against him, wanting to get up and out of the booth. He quickly stood and she slid out to stand by him, all the time watching Julie, who just sat there. "Beth, I'm sorry, I thought you knew it was me...I never would have brought it up..." Jim said. "We'll talk about it later....don't worry, it's not your fault...I got to be alone for awhile...I'll see you back at the apartment" She kissed him on the cheek and then turned to Julie. "You, I don't want to see!.....You find somewhere else to stay!" Then she walked away, not looking back. "Well, Julie. Would you like to explain what the hell has been going on?" Jim said as he sat back down. His anger was back up; instead of looking forward to continuing his sexual activities with what he thought was a wild and willing sister, Julie now had probably just ruined his whole relationship with her. "I think you see what happened...after getting to know you, I decided that you would like to screw your sister......was I wrong?" Julie was back to her calm self again. "How could you think that?" he said weakly. "Well, most brothers would probably leave a strip club if they saw their sister up on the stage...you certainly didn't leave." Julie put a credit card on the bill and pushed it to the edge of the table. "I could tell you liked her for more than a sister." "All right, let's assume that I did," Jim said, leaning over to lower his voice. "Why didn't you tell me it was her and give me the option? Who gave you the right to make me and my sister.....commit a crime? Because that's what it is. A crime." "If I'd given you the option, you'd have chickened out. As much as you wanted it. My way was perfect.....you could both get it and not have any hang-ups. I must admit that I started the whole thing with the intention of getting all three of us in bed before you left.....does that shock you?" Jim had to admit that before he'd seen Julie and his sister through the mirrors, he would have loved having his sister and her buxom lover in a three-way. But he knew now that Julie was not a woman. "No, what shocks me is that you are not a woman....a female." He saw Julie's face lose her composure and he liked seeing her be hurt for a change. "I got to admit, you really had me fooled. Were you laughing to yourself when I was fucking your ass?" He wished he could yell it at her but he wasn't sure that their voices weren't carrying as it was to the adjacent boothes. The waitress came and picked up the bill and went away.

"Look, Jim....I should have told you. I'll admit that I take liberties that I shouldn't....I think of myself as a woman and always have, since I was in my early teens...I was just in the wrong kind of body. When I could get away from home, I started to make myself into the woman I wanted to be. You don't know how much work I've had done to get to this..." she swept her hands down her body. "I just never the guts to go all the way with my sex change. I don't have to tell you what it's like to have a woman like a man.....I'm attracted to men and women. I can get my share of guys that want a dick and a woman in the same package. And women, like Liz. But when I can have a man like you, a real heterosexual, and he doesn't know....yeah, it's more exciting. But believe me, I wasn't laughing to myself.....I was just wishing that I wasn't such a...freak." Jim felt sad for her despite all she'd done. He couldn't really be angry with her for setting him and his sister up like she had; he secretly wished he could do it again with Elizabeth. "Anyway, you shouldn't beat yourself up over it....I had myself covered up and I lied to you. All you saw and felt was a woman and I just wish you could see me as a woman. If you could do that...I might still be able to bring your sister around to our way of thinking." "Look, Julie....I can't lie to you. I thought Elizabeth knew it was me and you two had working together...and I brought it up because I was hoping maybe if it was out in the open and she knew I was OK with it, then me and her might be able to do it again." Julie smiled at that. "But, you..I mean, I don't think I could ever..." "Jim, what is a woman?....soft flesh, tits, a loving mouth, a hole to stick your dick in? I've got all that....so why not enjoy it? You're a long way from home, no one's ever gonna find out and it doesn't mean you're a homo....it just means you like to have a good time. " 'She's got a point...it'll never get around back in Nebraska....and I've already done it with her once...' Jim thought. It was hard not to consider doing it with her again when she looked like the girl from the movie Weird Science only with huge tits. "I'll make you a deal," he said, "I'd like to do it with Beth again...if that happens, I wouldn't mind if you were to join in. But, I doubt very much that that is going to happen....you saw how mad Beth was." The waitress brought back the bill and Julie signed it and handed it back to her before she could leave. Julie stood up and said, "I've seen Liz more upset than that.....I may know her better than she thinks."

#MANHATTAN MADNESS by Chili Peeler #Chapter 15

[elle-stevens]

The Break Up Blog - Day Nineteen

Staying busy is not only hard work, but it’s tiring. 

And now that I actually have a pay cheque, it means that I have to leave my apartment to buy things I need. Almost half of it’s already gone just from sending money home to replenish my savings, buy groceries and set aside for rent which is due every three months. But at least I have money to use up unlike last month. 

Still, it showed me that I can have very little money and manage to not starve somehow. 

My body woke me up super early at 07:30 and I had another attack of the sniffles and discomfort in my throat from acid reflux. The new medicine that I ordered last night will only arrive sometime tomorrow, so I hope I can manage till then. I bought some aloe juice in the meantime to tie me over till my gastritis medicine arrives. 

Since I hadn’t gotten groceries this morning, I had a Mcmuffin delivered to my home instead. After that, I decided to get ready for the day and head back to the bar I visited on Thursday night. One of the waitresses gave me a digital bracelet so that my orders could be calculated during the night when I’d originally intended to buy a cocktail. But I didn’t buy any drinks that night and forgot all about the bracelet when my drunk ass when to a night club afterwards. 

So I went back to the bar with the intention of returning the bracelet. But I got there way too early and the bar wasn’t even open yet. And I couldn’t come back later because of my second potential interview and the grocery shopping that I still hadn’t done. So I contented myself with splurging on treats at Starbucks and re-reading ‘And Then There Were None’ by Agatha Christie on my iPad for a good hour. 

After that, I took a taxi to the school where I wanted to teach some extra classes on the weekends for a little extra pay. I got to the location an hour early and still managed to get lost during that time. As it turned out, the ‘school’ was actually in a residential building close to where the taxi had dropped me off in the first place. Have I mentioned before how appalling my sense of direction is? It didn’t help that Apple Maps kept insisting that I had ‘arrived at my destination’ when my destination turned out to still be a good 50 meters away. 

The lady I met for the meeting, CA, seemed very nice and we upstairs to the school, which turned out to be located inside a residential apartment, which surprised me. I had envisioned an actual training centre, not a school being run out of someone’s home. Still, the classroom set-up seemed pretty decent and the room even had a massive TV with impressive multimedia capabilities. But the initial advertisement had been for children in grade 5 all the way up to middle school and the teaching days were only supposed to be every Friday. But CA actually wanted me to teach a group of first graders and the future calendar days kept changing because of public holidays. All of this was perfectly normal, but I still wasn’t satisfied with the terms. Plus, C’s words about not getting caught working multiple jobs with my current work visa kept coming back to me. I’m only allowed to work at my current job and if my school found out that I was working elsewhere, they’d have grounds to fire me. And they’d have the power to refuse to give me a letter of reference with any other job I’d want to do in my current city. I’d be totally screwed if that happened. 

The meeting went well enough and CA seems like a really nice woman. But everything didn’t line up exactly the way I wanted to, so I told her I’d have to think about it more and promised to get back to her later in the evening since the classes start next weekend and she has to get someone in now to teach. I decided right after that meeting that it’s probably not a good idea to put myself in a position to get fired for a temporary job that I’m that keen on after all. I’m sure the children at this school are lovely and I do enjoy working with younger children. But considering what adorable gremlins I have to put up with as is at my current job, why would I want to teach more younger children at a different school? 

I went home again and tried to rest. But sleep never came and even though it was close to 18:00, I decided to quickly go and do some grocery shopping before heading to the gym. I did really well with keeping my shopping to a minimum of one hour. But I chose the wrong time for grocery shopping because it seemed like everyone in my city was doing their grocery shopping at the exact same time. Never in my life have I ever had to wait for 40 minutes in a line just to pay for groceries! Back in South, we have packers in supermarkets that help you with your groceries while you pay. China’s kind of ironic in that way like most Asian countries: someone always cleans up after you when you dine at a fast food restaurant where you’re perfectly capable of throwing away your own trash. But there’s never anyone to help you when you actually need it, like helping you put your groceries into a trolley so you don’t hold up the queue. Luckily, I packed my groceries away at the speed of light and took a cab home. 

By that time, it was already 20:00 and I had only two hours left to exercise at the gym before it closed. I know I could’ve just exercised at home since I’m using workouts on a phone app anyway. But I like the aura of a gym; it makes me feel like I’m part of something bigger than myself and in camaraderie with other gym-goers trying to achieve the same goal that I am. 

As it turned out, I could’ve just stayed at home and done my workout in private. It was an intermediate weight loss programme and it was really hard to do! I’m already uncoordinated as is given that I damaged my heels 5 years ago because I developed plantar fasciitis. So I kept losing my balance and momentum while my calves were on fire from all the running and jumping I had to do. It didn’t help that my ex personal trainer, LB, was in the vicinity, so I felt like a perfect idiot trying to exercise on my own in front of him. 

I did a few classes with LB last year; he seems nice enough and he did help me with my weight loss for a while. But he convinced me to do a second set of classes with him and then kept flaking out on me at every turn after I already paid him. So I got pissed off and told him I didn’t want to do the classes anymore and that I wanted a refund. He placated me for a while saying the refund process takes a while. But the money never got returned to me and now we actively ignore each other whenever I’m at the gym. I don’t dislike him exactly, but I’m never going to trust him again. I get that way when people burn me. I won’t take revenge on you and I won’t actively go out of my way to be nasty to you, but I also won’t let you near enough to hurt me a second time. 

So I pretty much gave up on my crappy exercise and I didn’t bother with any weight lifting or using the treadmill. I only deigned to use the elliptical machine for 8 minutes because I still needed to buy some groceries for breakfast tomorrow and most of the stores in my neighbourhood close at 22:00. I managed to buy eggs, milk and this other fruit tea that I like before I went home. I even showered at home instead of at the gym just so that I wouldn’t get to the store too late. 

Even though I got a lot of things done today, it doesn’t feel like I really accomplished anything by the end of it. I know I’m being too picky on the job front, but I’m getting to that point in my life where I’m not willing to settle. Not for anything to do with love and certainly nothing to do with my future career path. Maybe it’s unreasonable to think this way, but I want things to line up perfectly just once. Any bit of happiness I’ve ever accomplished in the past has always been done with an arduous, upward climb fraught with obstacles and difficulties. I’m getting older now and I realise that I want some things to come more easily for me. I’m tired of slogging around, begging people to validate and give me what I deserve. 

I thought of X a lot while I rode the bus back to that bar earlier. I’m beginning to miss her less and less these days and I finally wondered what I’d ever seen it in her to begin with. I guess that question is inevitable when the scales of amour are finally lifted from your eyes and you come to the morbid conclusion that no one you invest in is ever really as wonderful as they seem. I wanted things to line up perfectly with X and they never did no matter how much I tried to make things work between us. She hurt me in the worst way imaginable and I’m finally starting to get angry about it. I never saw it before, but maybe royally screwing things up between us was X’s way of telling me that she wanted out of our relationship. I could probably forgive her in time for using me for money and even lying about having cancer just so she could use me for money. But I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her for stealing nearly 6 months of my life from me when I genuinely thought she might actually die on me and then somehow blaming her indiscretions on me because I turned out to be not so perfect for her either. She’s a cruel and selfish person and a part of me might end up hating her for it for the rest of my life. 

See? It takes a lot for me to get really angry when people insult me and take me for granted. But once you’ve shown me time and time that you can’t be trusted and that you don’t actually respect me on any level, then you’ve lost me forever. I guess I lose a tiny piece of myself that hopes and loves every time someone hurts me in an indescribable way. 

It is what it is. Maybe I’ll finally let it go or maybe I’ll hold a grudge till the day I die. I just have to take it one day at a time and hope to God that I don’t lose more pieces of my true self in the process. 

I think I’ll take a break from drinking alcohol, at least for the next month. I’ve been acting out lately and it’s time for me to be a grown-up again. I’m in charge of my own happiness; I can’t let other people’s insincerity, insensitivity and hidden agendas steal my joy anymore. 

It’s almost midnight now and my stomach is cramping up badly because I didn’t eat well today. I don’t know if my lack of appetite is because of my depression or my new exercise regimen; all I know that is I need to do better with taking care of myself properly. I’m gonna go to the bank tomorrow and take out my rent money for the month. Then I’m meeting my friend KI for lunch; we’re gonna go to a Mexican restaurant. I love Mexican food - it takes me back to Spanish class in 12th grade and learning how to cook authentic dishes with my teacher twice a semester. I haven’t done any work on my Katie portrait in nearly two weeks. Since I won’t be teaching any extracurricular classes this semester, it gives me more time for myself and whatever I choose to spend it on. 

I hope things will work out the way I want it to on the job front. I’m gonna try not to stress about it and just let the chips fall where they may. For now, all I have are trivial but necessary distractions to give me strength to face the days ahead. 

#breakupblog