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notasapleasure · 1 year

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10 favourites meme

I got tagged by @batri-jopa, thank you friend! Funnily enough I had a long draft of my 10 favourite characters written out and ready to go, though I hadn't been tagged, so this just provides the perfect opportunity to post it! Tagging @stripedroseandsketchpads @erinaceina @notfromcold @bellaroles and anyone else who wants to take part.

I put the characters below the cut because it got long as I tried to justify myself, but I thought I'd copy you and also give a top 10 fandoms by way of introduction for the few new followers who have found me :)

Fandoms (counted as media that I've created fanworks for or actively commented on others' fics for) and what I love about them

The Lymond Chronicles aka tiny fandom: I love all the outsider perspective and unreliable narration around the protagonist, but also I love that he isn't perfect and a lot of problems are caused by his failure to trust people/open up. He has his reasons for being like that, but I like a story where it's clear the hero/great man actually needs those around him (even if they also frequently fuck up and misunderstand things) to get to the end of the story. It's the first series I read since LotR that immersed me so thoroughly in its world - an uncompromising, rich and nuanced take on a huge geographical sweep of history.

And Then We Danced: Oh, it's all about taking beautiful traditions that someone says mustn't ever be changed/aren't for you and making them your own, proving there's no ownership over art forms and culture. It's learning about yourself through art and through other people, it's standing up to the bigots and finding community and defining your nationality and traditions anew in more inclusive, vibrant ways. It's also all the pain of not having the chance to find out more about a first love and all the potential for what might happen in the gaps in the narrative.

The Terror (TV series): haha people sure do put themselves in Positions, don't they? I am fascinated by the hubris and the absurdity of the Franklin expedition, and how the show zones in on the isolated men in their boats and puts their values - good and bad, helpful and destructive - under a microscope and watches what happens to them under the stresses of darkness, illness, hunger and hauntings. There is so much love in the show even as everything that can go wrong does go wrong, there are all these little rituals and objects that people use to give meaning to what they're doing.

Star Wars (predominantly Rogue One): Rogue One reminded me of the SW universe I loved as a teenager, the unimportant people who weren't Force sensitive or powerful, but who fought to do the right thing anyway. I will be watching Andor for the same reason (and tagging so my friends who need to block it can block it - and not letting the Mouse have my money for any of it don't worry about that).

Ripper Street: I loved seasons 1, 3, 4 and 5. The less said about 2 the better for me, though I know a lot of people on here are big fans. In my head, there was a much more interesting story lurking beneath season 4 and 5 that I'm always disappointed wasn't drawn out - the immigrant children who were traumatised on their journey to London ('the world comes to London and London becomes the world' <3) and responded in such different ways. And by god I wanted Reid to answer for all he did wrong but I loved that fucked up man and his Victorian hypocrisy. Hmmm when I stop to think about it I really want to re-watch, though maybe only cherry picking the episodes that tie into my alternative narrative theories.

Utopia (C4 series): I have written fic for this! So odd as it may be, this is a fandom. I haven't been able to bring myself to re-watch since the pandemic because yikes, and it's so cruel that it ends as it does, unfinished. But it's so compelling - season 1 is good, season 2 is absolutely heart-rending. Everyone is complex and fascinating and always developing - the games of 3D morality chess going on are wild, and again, love is such an important factor even as everyone fucks up again and again.

Musketeers (BBC series): I never did watch season 3, it all felt far too silly by then. It's on the list because I wrote a couple of fics way back when and it was the first time I'd written fic in well over a decade. Episode 1 had such potential. The cast was so good. But it just...wanted to be a silly BBC series and not a complicated historically-engaged series so I'll simply enjoy drunk and grumpy Tom Burke!Athos, beautiful-haired Jerott-fancast Pasqualino!D'Art, luschious-moustached cunningulus-loving Santiago Cabrera!Aramis and unutterably perfect WHY-HASN'T-HE-BEEN-ALLOWED-TO-MAKE-THAT-DUMAS-FILM-YET Howie Charles!Porthos without trying to engage my brain these days.

Ghosts (BBC series): I haven't written for it, but I had a glorious binge of Captain/Havers fics after seeing that episode and it gave me enormous feelings of The Kids Are All Right because, while a lot of it felt like it was written by quite young fans, there was so much great ND!Captain and acespec!Captain but there was also some excellent what-if-they'd-just boned fic and I loved it all and it was just the kind of delightful escpaist comfort fic I would hope for from the series.

Castlevania: I still haven't watched the last series wtaff!! Hey guess who loves the big burly idiot who's accomplished in battle and hates how much he's become attached to the effete blond bisexual disaster? haha yeah. Trevor my love you're the hottest cartoon character since Fox from Animals of Farthing Wood :p I haven't written fic for it, but I do love me some filthy Trevor/Sypha/Alucard smut :D

Lupin: Again, not one I've written for, but goddd I want all the Lupin/Benjamin fic! Classic 'male protag is kind of a disaster in the life of every woman he interacts with but he's got a best friend who is never really given any background reason for why he helps him out of literally every scrape so I have decided they're better together'. That is all.

Bonus!! Our Flag Means Death: so far only really interacting with fic when my friend writes it, but I love to see how much @notfromcold loves it! All the characters are great and I don't really have anything to add to fandom but I enjoy it a lot :)

Ok now ten favourite charcters. Not in any particular order, I just wonder if putting them side by side and rotating them in the light will make any patterns emerge.

Eta: holy shit. Yeah. There are patterns. There's a lot of 'characters who pour all their emotions directly into someone else to help further the protagonist/narrative journey and end up not getting anything to show for it in the end'. There are also some crazy ladies :')

And while I didn't put Merab or Irakli in the list below, you can see why either would fit my style. I will say though, that while I fell for Merab when I watched ATWD it was seeing people blame Irakli for hurting him and acting like Irakli was just a heartless asshole that made me furiously protective over Irakli and made me want to explore Merab's own worse side too (love himmm but he's not perfect either).

1. Jerott Blyth (Lymond Chronicles)

Loyal, confused, competent and doomed to an unhappy ending. A brilliant second, who will go along with nearly anything if you just explain it to him - he needs trust and leadership and is unfortunately in the shadow of a leader who finds it nearly impossible to trust and share. But when he does!! Oh. My heart. Jerott's never bitter about being second best though, he's just a man who thinks he's simpler than he is, caught up in a world of complicated, fascinating, infuriating people.

2. Faramir (Lotr)

A good man trying to do good who is Never Enough for the person he looks up to. Happy to be a steward not a king, dutiful to the point of self-destruction. Thoughtful, intelligent and cultured, but generous and devoid of bitterness. Like Jyn and Cathy and lots of the others in this list, it's also particularly his relationship with another that I vibe off (I could have put Éowyn as the fave just as easily), and the way he sees in her the sadness he's experienced himself, but he chooses to reach out, to offer her a different perspective, to be kind and never bitter. Love my depressed kids who feel they'll never live up to expectations but find each other and learn to heal together.

3. Harry Goodsir (The Terror TV series)

...a pattern begins to emerge. Another good man who starts off thinking that the rules are there for a good reason, wanting to see the best in everything, believing that mutual benefit can come from a deeply imperialistic, imbalanced encounter. But he's not a pushover - he is content with his position until he feels he isn't respected and he sees his values are not those of his superiors, and then he stands up for his principles and standards. Does he become bitter? I'd say not - he's fuelled by a kind of singular, protective fury in the end, a desire to save whatever about the place can still be saved from the selfish destructiveness of his people.

4. Deborah Goren (Ripper Street)

She puts herself out for others to a point where it's almost unhealthy - and when it becomes so, she draws her boundary and says 'no more', she won't be the homewrecker when there's a chance for Reid to be this honest with Emily still. Again without bitterness or meanness, just in recognition that she can do no more without losing herself.

5. Jyn Erso (Rogue 1)

Closest thing to a protagonist so far on this list, but she's still in an ensemble piece and only effective because of that! I'm tempted to say it's specifically her connection with Cassian that makes her, and him, characters I love so much. They're mirrors, as Diego Luna said in an interview iirc, and it's by seeing each other that they remember their fire and determination to resist the empire (not that Cassian has forgotten this, but the hope he uses as a mantra has been something beyond him personally for a time, and seeing Jyn crawl her way out of the emotional pit she was in reminds him of things he's forgotten imo). Again competent and doomed, I suppose she fits my preference for secondary characters in the sense of the wider universe - she and the rest of the R1 crew are the sacrifice needed in order for the OT to happen and for Leia, Luke and Han to have their stories.

6. Daniel Molloy (IWTV TV series)

Not the protagonist, acts as a sounding board and outside perspective on the things the MC tells themself, doomed in the sense of his illness and age relative to the immortals he's found himself around...he fits the bill! He might be a bit more snarky and bitter than some of the others, but idk, I still don't think bitterness is his predominant trait - he's incisive and observant and wryly competent. I can't wait to find out more about him.

7. Luke Skywalker (Star Wars OT)

Haha this one is a protagonist Jo!! Literally the Hero on his journey!!

Well let me tell you that 10-year-old me, when first exposed to Star Wars, was not as yet familiar with old Joey C and formalist approaches to storytelling. There are a couple of reasons I think it's important to have Luke on this list. 1) I distinctly remember him being the first blorbo I had where I was like 'this trait [earnest optimism fwiw] actually annoys me deeply and yet he is still my fave. Why?' and 2) whatever media I had been consuming and whatever people I was around, it was a fixed idea for me at that point that The Hero Gets The Girl, and the sibling reveal was a '???? *animal turns its head 90 degrees to try to understand* moment. The hero doesn't become a kind of sexless monk-knight who insists fascists can be redeemed because they're dad-shaped! I joke I joke. Vader is far from dad-shaped, he's just dad. Anyway I recall being FASCINATED and vexed by Luke constantly and he was without doubt my favourite of the original trio. Was that because I thought he should be because he's positioned as the hero? Hmm. Maybe. But I remember it being a kind of thing with the people around me that liking Luke was a bit babyish, and Han was the more 'complex' 'grown-up' character. (Insert Always Sunny conspiracy board meme.jpg IT WAS THE SAME THING WITH STEPHEN GATELY OF BOYZONE WHEN I PREFERRED HIM TO RONAN something something cultural infantilisation/desexualisation of queer people (I only learnt later how many people read Luke as queer)).

Anyway, what I'm kind of getting at is the ways in which Luke is an unusual protagonist, and socially, my experience was of people not treating him as an MC because he was 'boring'. But even as a kid I knew that wasn't true and was fascinated by his repeated *decisions* to be good, to believe in the good and again, not to be embittered by what he goes through. Also the loyalty and earnestness came to be favourite aspects.

8. Catherine Earnshaw (Wuthering Heights)

Aaaaah. Uhhh. Make this one fit your theory, bitch! Well, starting simple, WH is once more an ensemble piece about the significant influence a group of people have on each other. Catherine and Heathcliff are mutually significant to each other's journey and arc and emotional development (reverse of the Jyn and Cassian pulling each other out of the mire thing though! Dragging each other down because they can't escape their social circumstances). Cathy doesn't exactly choose to be good, but her choices are motivated by a (misguided, patronising, cowardly) intention to do what she can with her situation (gender) to get ahead in the world and bring Heathcliff with her - because she can't imagine willingly 'lowering' herself to his level, he must rise. Ahh...*chews stalk of grass and surveys crop of awful faves* gives me feelings about Jerott and Marthe's marriage again. Anyway, blah blah, you get the picture - doomed to unhappiness but tries so hard to exert control over her life/others/the narrative anyway.

Also I love a mad lass who dreams of the moors. <3 #teamCathyneverdidanythingwrongever

9. Lucy Snowe (Villette)

Hahahahaha. Speaking of mad lasses! Lucy doesn't believe she's the protagonist. She's plain and weird and not meant to be The One Who Is Loved by the kind, handsome man or the mean, beautiful woman. She believes she's doomed to an unhappy ending - so much so that she even appears to summon one for herself, snatching it from the jaws of happily-ever-after. She's never upset about her position (except when she's so consumed with shame/angst/etc because she realises she let herself believe the handsome man might care for her momentarily), she's an outsider with a wry, cynical view of the people around her, but she does still crave involvement and recognition. Not at all self-aware and 1000x more entertaining for it. Also goes on a furious opium-fuelled rampage through the town, what's not to love?

10. Gudrun Brangwen (Women in Love)

Another mad lass :) Gudrun is a modern lady who thinks she's in control of her life and her sexuality. She realises way too late that she's in fact caught up in Gerald's own experimental, philosophical approach to the modern world (I wanna say like... basically a giant wager between him and Rupert) and she's still subordinate to him and his wants. It's been a long time since I read it, but her angst about the physical side of their relationship always stays with me - when she feels like a glass of wine he's draining for his own strength and she lies awake feeling unsettled and doubtful, while he sleeps it off with a masculine kind of arrogance (sorry, it's a DH Lawrence book, I'm allowed to describe it like that) after they have sex. Also when she punches that cow it's amazing. (I mean the animal, not being rude about another woman. Haha oh Lawrence you funny little man).

By and large then, it's secondary characters (my thesis was on minor characters why is this a surprise!) who exist to support the protagonist, or some other character, and whose relationships with the the protagonist/that other character make me feral, because they play a role that is meant to be kind of thankless but without them the protagonist couldn't achieve what they need to achieve/the story couldn't progress as it does. God it literally IS my thesis fml.

#long post #narrative rambling #putting my doctoral degree to VERY POOR USE

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coffyao · 11 months

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Drink away your inhibitions chapter 1.

this took me a long time to write but im happy that i've finished it.

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:SPOILERS AHEAD:

this takes place where in this universe, yoonbum does NOT die (it is implied in the canon ending that he did.) seungbae stops the car in time, sees an extremely distraught yoonbum, calms him down and he decides to take him back to hospital to get checked out.. lets say two years later: yoonbum has decided to get the professional help he needed (encouraged by seungbae) eventually gets a job at the library (my favourite headcannon thanks to (when i find their user, ill credit them. ) lives in a small apartment and hes doing fairly better for himself.

Time continues to pass by..

Now it's going to be seungbae's birthday tomorrow and he had decided to invite yoonbum to a nightclub (because now they are friends..) yoonbum was hesitant at first... but he decides to come anyway. yoonbum since then.. has FALLEN extremely hard for seungbae. now he's almost ready to take that leap.. with the help of a little something.

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Seungbae.. seungbae.. seungbae..

It was the only name that had filled his mind. He looked down on his feet as he awkwardly stood at the back of the club, the crowds of young 20 something years old dancing to the techno music that echoed throughout the building. Yoonbum was never the type to think about how old he was until he walked out of his 1-bedroom apartment, dress in attire he would never think to wear and surround himself in such a boisterous environment that it could even tucker out an energy-drink obsessed teenager.

He didn’t like this at all. But..

His eyes went straight to the mini bar. Three people. A woman who sported a black bob-cut while adorned in a scarlet sleeveless dress. He didn’t see her face clearly, but he could tell she was beautiful. Then sat right next to her, was that horrible cop who forced his jaw open one time. He couldn’t quite remember his name, but an experience like that would certainly traumatise anyone.

Yoonbum cringed.

Since that cop had his face splat on the table, at the very least, he wouldn’t have to force any niceties or whatever. Then right beside him, was Seungbae himself. He was wearing a black blazer, a buttoned white shirt, along with the rest of the attire to go with it.

He had left his hair untouched, which Yoonbum liked and he had his usual glasses on, which he had also liked. He admittedly.. admired him. His overbearing sense of justice…his caring nature, his generosity.. his smile.. his amazing smell.. his presence..morality.

Oh..most importantly…

His morality.

Yoonbum had never recalled a time where seungbae had ever laid a hand on him.. He had never made him like he had done anything wrong. He had never made him put on a decaying dress that smelled awfully like someone died. God. He wasn’t anything like..

At first, yoonbum was afraid of that. It was the unfamiliarity of being treated like he actually mattered.

It was being able to rest at home without having the fear that a certain someone might get triggered and beat the crap out of him. Then it was the irrational anger. Why was he being treated so fragilely? Like a Chinese tea-set that might shatter any minute if it was blown against with a paper fan.

He didn’t deserve this treatment. He wanted to be punished. He wanted to be hurt. He deserved it. He shouldn’t be anything less but a container for somebody’s pain and pleasure. That’s all he was. That was why he existed. His existence was merely to worship the feet that stood on his pitiful head and stamp on it with glee. He would accept it, no resistance. No complaining. Accept it with a grateful smile.

Thank you for blessing my miserable life with your presence. Thank you very much.

Sangwoo was supposed to be his saviour. His one and only god. His salvation. So.. how was it that a know-it-all cop playing white knight somehow manage to be his saviour? Was this supposed to be god’s plan all along? He doesn’t know.

At times, he had felt guilty for even entertaining the thought of having feelings for somebody else. Sangwoo would curse him all the way to hell if he ever.. well.. he’s probably there now. He might even go there too, one day. But for now… just for now. He wants to pretend like he deserves a second chance at life.

Just a little longer.

He stood straight and made his way towards the bar, slipping and sliding carefully as he attempted to pass through the crowd. At times, it had felt like a forest, going through lengths large and wide, in order to reach his destination. But at times..it was moreso like a stuffy school corridor, where everyone pushed against each other, and the only way you can even bear it is to push right back.

He wiped the sweat off his brows and continued pushing forwards. Eventually, he reached the bar, and his mind immediately went straight to where that destination was. Where was his destination? Where was..

His eyes widened. His ears winced at the sound of laughter and he had turned his head to the left. There was Seungbae. He was having a conversation with that woman. That woman.

Yoonbum clenched his hands.

How am I supposed to…

he furiously bit his lip and stepped forward then stood still. He tried lifting his feet but it had felt like they were crushed by concrete. He had felt something unnerving crawl behind his back..like a familiar parasite.

His vision blurred and the room was filled with echoing silence. His hands and legs were tied with rope and someone or that something threw him inside a wardrobe. Dusty. A disgusting aroma. It smelled almost like.. the wardrobe opened slightly. The familiar wardrobe, the familiar smell, the familiar fluorescent light. That same feeling of dread felt like a concussion.

A deep voice murmured, “Peek.” Wrapping its frosty hands around his head. Yoonbum shut his eyes, but the hands pried his eyes open. “Don’t.” Yoonbum whimpered. The voice became louder. “Peek.” It commanded. His lips started to bleed. “Won’t you peek for me?” it purred. The hands travelled down to his left leg, rubbing his inner thigh. He shivered. He couldn’t resist. As Yoonbum moved his head closer, the grunts becoming more audible. “That’s it.. peek.”

Don’t peek.

His blood started trickling down his chin. The hands tightened their grip.

“Fucking peek you retard.”

His heart thumped into his skin. He creeped closer. Fighting wasn’t an option. It never was..when it came to him.

Closer.

“Yoonbum?” Seungbae called out. Yoonbum lifted his head, blinking hard.

“Come here.” Seungbae gestured with his hand. Yoonbum took a deep breath, breathing out with his nose. Just like the therapist said. In…out.. in. He walked towards the pair. Seungbae smiled, “It’s really nice to see you here. I’m glad you decided to come after all.”

Yoonbums lip twitched.

His voice always made him feel better. It was slightly deep, with gentle yet wild undertones to it. At times, it was as soft as it can be when he it had reassured yoonbum but as can be as hearty and brash whenever they had conversations about his job. He felt his anxiety melt away.

“I’m okay. It’s nice to see you too…”

Seungbae shifted, hushing his voice. “ah…so this is the person that came to celebrate with me and..” then he turned and motioned his hand. “Sorry, I was just telling her who you were. So this is..”

Oh.

It’s true. Yoonbum had never truly wished ill on anyone. He never hated Sangwoo, even when he was beating him until he had begged him to stop. His uncle was an incomprehensible monster but even so, he had wanted him gone, not dead. His superior from the army made him want to die, but he didn’t want them to die. His friend from high school betrayed him and he had momentarily hated her, but when she came back, his heart softened to the idea of them reconciling.

But there was one thing he had abhorred. Made him want to dig holes on the wall with a screwdriver. Its irrational but it’s a rational feeling. He won’t take another woman. He won’t take them stealing the man he loves, not again. Never again. He won’t allow it.

“Nice to meet you Yoonbum.” She said, offering a small smile. Yoonbum clenched his teeth and gazed at her lips. He croaked but attempted too at least sound just as amiable.

“Nice.. to meet you too.”

She nodded and glazed Seungbae’s hand with her fingertips.

Why do you keep touching him?

Yoonbum cleared his throat, “Think I’m going to order a drink.”

Seungbae frowned, “Oh already? I thought you said you weren’t much of a drinke-”

"Yes usually..but it’s your birthday tomorrow. Might as well.” Yoonbum said, avoiding seungbae’s gaze. Seungbae pressed his lips together, eyebrows furrowed for a few seconds before sighing.

“Okay.. just don’t overdo it.”

Don’t overdo it he said.

Yoonbum walked in between them and tapped the marble table. His gaze flickered back at the woman, faintly hoping she would at least be annoyed by the unwelcome presence of a stranger getting in the way. The bartender turned his head around and walked up to the counter.

In a tired voice, he said, “Yes..what would you like?” Yoonbum took out his wallet from his black blazer. He slammed the money on the counter and says, “…soju. One shot of soju.” The bartender yawns, “gotcha.” As the bartender started preparing the shot, Seungbae continued to talk with the woman, small snickers between them erupting.

Yoonbum kept glancing with the corner of his eye, furrowing his eyebrows. The bartender tapped his shoulder and pointed at the glass. Yoonbum nodded and the bartender walked away, rolling his eyes. Yoonbum had never considered himself a serious drinker. Sure, he had gotten drunk with Sangwoo a couple of times, but that was only because he had felt obliged to. After all, he had only ever wanted to please him. But he wasn’t drinking exactly to appease anyone. It was just being impulsive. Liquid courage but without the actual liquid. He took the glass and drank it one go, scrunching his face up as the bitter taste hit his tongue.

“horrible.” He muttered.

He dipped his bony hands inside his wallet again and slammed the counter, but with a little less force this time. Seungbae glances up at him, opens his mouth but closes it again. As the bartender starts pouring another drink, Yoonbum looks down, thinking about how this situation felt screamed deja vu. Social interaction especially in a loud setting such as this had never been easy for a guy like him.

He had never had friends and although he had thought perhaps he would learn to eventually accept it..

It had always bothered him. So, so much.

Going to karaoke. Talking about who they were crushing on in class. Even simply studying together was enough to drive him over the edge he had already past so long ago. Why couldn’t he have friends as well? What was so wrong with him? Why is everything so hard. But he wasn’t going to feel like this tonight. He was going to be in control this time.

He took the second shot of soju, turned around and took a deep breath, “Seungbae. Your friend.”

“Haha..yeah?”

The woman raised her eyebrow. Yoonbum crossed his arms and repeated blankly, “Your friend. Aren’t you going to order a taxi home for him?”

Seungbae looks at Yoonbum with a confused expression at first, but what he had meant quickly clicked and he stood up.

“Shit.”

Seungbae continued to mutter under his breath as he checked his friend’s pulse with his fingers. He pressed his eyebrows with his fingers and huffed. The woman chewed her lip and asked, “Is your friend alright-” He interrupts, clicking his teeth.

“yeah its fine, don’t worry…”

Yoonbum sits back on the chair seungbae was sitting on and continues staring at her. Seungbae puts one hand on his waist and another hand on his arm, raising him up off the cushioned seat. He rests his head on Seungbaes shoulder, mumbling incoherently. Seungbae turns to the pair, looking apologetic.

“Sorry.. I didn’t know he was going to get this wasted..had I known beforehand I would have made this idiot drink water instead. Anyways ah..think I’ll just take him home instead. Then I’ll come back, okay?”

The woman frowned but hid it with a half-hearted smile, “That’s fine. Got all night anyway.” Seungbae sighed and said, “Great.. I’ll be back quickly..” He pauses and looks at yoonbum.

“Yoonbum. are you okay with that?”

Yoonbum replies a little too quickly, “Yes. Yes.. Just make sure your friend is okay.” Seungbae pauses, then shakes his head.

“..Right. see you later then.”

As they walked and disappeared into the hoard of glowsticks and brightly coloured hair. The woman taps her fingernail onto her cheek before turning to Yoonbum.

“Yoonbum. Right?”

“Yes…that’s my name.”

“So, uh..”

Just say it.

Yoonbum huffs, “I like him.”

She narrows her eyes, and scoffs. “Uh..what?”

You heard me.

Yoonbum sits up a little straighter and looks into her eyes. “I.. like.. him. So..”

“You…”

He squeezes his knees, clenching his teeth tighter. He couldn’t control himself any longer.

“Yes.. which is why I need you to back off. Me and seungbae..we have history. I have known him..known him for longer than a year and..”

Keep going.

“You.. you have known him for 30 seconds. I get.. it. You must like him too but.. I liked him first. Putting your hands all over him..flirting with him like you haven’t seen a man in years…you.”

Wait..what am I doing?

He gulps, his resolve weakening. His hands shake, “It really.. annoys me. I’m.. I’m sorry lady but-”

“Im going to have to stop you right here.” She said, crossing her arms.

Seungbae's never going to talk to me again.

She looked at yoonbum as if she was looking at an overgrown infant.

“First of all.. your friend is straight.”

I know that.

“And.. let’s be honest. Strangers? 30 seconds? Who the hell cares about all of that?’

Yoonbum tucks in his chin and looks down.

Don’t cry.

She leans into her chair, “He doesn’t owe you anything. You liking him for a year doesn’t mean he’s obligated to feel the same for you. You should know that by now if you’re smart.. and I don’t owe you anything either.”

He could feel his eyes burn up, the feeling of mortification and woe mixing into a terrible concoction.

Shes right.

He covers his eyes with his hand, “..Your right. Yeah…”

What was he even expecting by talking to her? Shame for even daring to flirt with his unrequited crush? Sympathy for the poor gay man who longs for another straight man?

What was it?

Why are you so pathetic?

“Sorry I..”

“Hey I’m back.”

They both turn from their seats. Seungbae looks back at them, glasses slightly bent out of shape with drops of sweat falling beneath his chin. He takes a short breath.

“Didn’t know you would be back so quickly.” She said, Placing her hand under her chin.

He raised his eyebrows and sat back down.

“Ah. About that. Long story short.. one of my colleagues from work was also out for the night.. happened to see us together and offered to take him home. I mean I felt bad..”

She shrugged, “Oh well. No need to feel bad. If he offered… he offered."

“I guess.. he did say he was going home as well.”

“Exactly. But you know..I’m glad your back.”

Yoonbum instinctively knew what was going to happen and he wrapped his hands in balled-up fists.

Keep calm.

She examined yoonbum closely, a small frown appearing on her face, but it quickly resolves as her eyes move to seungbae. Seungbae nods, “Yea- “

“With me.” She interrupted. Seungbae opened his mouth slightly.

“Oh?”

She leans closer to him.

“Seungbae. You know.. I really like you. So much so that..i want to see where this goes. Get to know each other.”

“Uh..”

“What do you say?”

“Sorry. I didn’t know this is what you thought this was. I’m actually...” He looks at yoonbum and gulps. He looks back and instead focuses on the bottle of sansachun.

“I’m.. not that interested in dating anyone.. at least. Not at the moment. I honestly think your an gorgeous woman. But.. I’m really not looking for anything…like that.

Huh?

“..Ah. I see how it is.”

She stood up from her seat, snatching her glass of soju and glares at yoonbum,

She turns her head to seungbae, then at yoonbum, then at both of the pair. She looks at them for a while before smirking, then takes a swish of her drink. She slams the glass down on the counter. She sighs, “No worries. It’s my fault for assuming it after all. But.. are you really sure that you aren’t interested?"

“..Yeah.”

“If you say so. it was nice meeting you then.”

Before seungbae could even have a chance to reply, she rushes into the crowd, heels clattering and bag swinging, pride obviously hurt.

Ah.

For a moment, yoonbum had felt a moment of fleeting happiness when she had finally left. It was like he had been given his one chance. Maybe a confession. Seungbae sits down next to him, shoulders slumped with his hand lumped against his forehead. Seungbae shifted in his seat.

“..Sorry about that situation. Honestly I wasn’t trying to lead anyone on..” As his voice quietens at the last sentence. Yoonbum wanted to find the words to ease Seungbae. It was the least he could do after what he had caused. He shakily reaches for seungbae’s hand. comfort absolutely.. but at the same time, erase the warm hand that had dared touched him previously.

So close..

But as he was about to make that final move, the previous conversation or rather, the careful pick apart of his psyche started to resurface itself in his already fractured mind.

“your friend is straight. “

“I’m.. not that interested in dating anyone.”

Yoonbum tightly pressed his lips, instead tapping the counter with his hand in an attempt to hide his pathetic advance at reaching him.

Seungbae breaks the silence.

“Ah, damn it all. How about we just drink instead?” slipping into his pocket.

“..Huh?”

“I mean it’s not like I’m having a bad night or anything like that. I had just.. thought maybe if we had a little drink or two…it might get.. some troublesome things off our minds. You know?” Seungbae smiled, but it somehow didn’t seem very convincing.

“..I guess that could be good.” Yoonbum mumbled.

“And also.. I’ve been so distracted that I haven’t really had the time to talk to you. I’m sorry.”

Really?

Yoonbum puts his hand over his mouth, “Don’t worry about it..” a slight blush of red appearing on his cheeks. Seungbae nods and calls for the bartender. As the club rumbled on with dancing bodies, the proximity between him and Seungbae made all of this feel so much more real.

His heart was jumping to let it all out, to finally kiss him, feel him..

At first, he had never regarded him in such a vulgar matter. For the first couple of months, whenever seungbae had visited him in his apartment, although a little bit of resentment did reside in him..

He was mostly grateful.

Their conversations used to be awkward, stunted for the mere fact that he wasn’t sure how to take everything in.

A life without Sangwoo? Is this what it had meant to live a completely ordinary life? But with due time, he had eventually started to forget. With due time, conversations that had felt forced from his part had started to feel more natural. With due time, he started to feel the wall break. With due time.. he felt him and seungbae become a little closer.

Then on a cold midnight, he had a dream.

He had opened his eyes and seungbae was standing over him in the dark. Trousers, shirt, and glasses intact but yoonbum had felt like at that moment, seungbae was standing in the nude. Yoonbum could move his body, but he was paralyzed. When he had stared at seungbae, there was a sense of uncontrollable intensity between the way they had looked at one another that if he had broken the stare-off, this peculiar dream would end.

This dream would become a repetitive recurrence, where all seungbae would do is look at him with his void less eyes, but he wouldn’t ever say anything or make a move.

Maybe it was because he hadn’t done it in a while, but just from their eye contact alone, did he start touching himself every night to it.

“Bum? What are you ordering?”

“Oh? Uh…soju.”

“Alright.” The bartender places both of their drinks on the counter.

Seungbae takes a long sip of it, “…so. how has life been treating you so far.”

“..not too bad.”

“Really? well..thats good.” As Seungbae looks down on his drink. Yoonbum fidgets with his fingers, then reciprocates the same question.

“..How about you? How has life been treating you?”

“Ah! well…”

Seungbae started to open up about how stressed he had been nowadays, working late shifts whilst dealing with the significant rise of petty crime around the neighbourhood. He then rambles on about how even now he feels he is still treated delicately after officer park’s passing. He orders another shot of Sansachun.

“I know..I have some issues. But one of the things that I despise the most is being treated like I’m still that poor kid from back then..”

“I understand..”

“It just drives me crazy. It’s just so patronising. I mean..there’s plenty of days where I do miss him. But I also feel.. for the most part, that I handle it okay.”

Yoonbum didn’t really know to comfort him since he had felt he was so terrible with words, so he resorted to the thing he knew how to do the most. He wrapped his hand around seungbaes fist. Seungbae glanced at him in shock, nearly saying something but he decides not to say anything at all. They continue purchasing drink after drink, the night becoming hazier by the second.

With his face glowing a shade of reddish pink, seungbae leaned on his hand and said, “You know bum..I think if you put yourself out there more. I think you could find someone really good for you… Someone who truly deserves you.”

Yoonbum clumsily stumbles on his words, “I don’t know about t-that. I’m not exactly..charismatic. Attractive..i don’t think I’m that either. So…”

Seungbae shook his head, declaring, “Nonsense. I think.. your one of the kindest people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. You are always.. you just always know what to do to make someone feel better. You…” He pauses.

“You’re honestly the most beautiful person I know.”

"…You think I’m beautiful and kind?”

Seungbae vigorously pats his chest, pressing his lips. His face flushing harder.

“..who wouldn’t after getting to know you?”

Yoonbum chuckles under his breath, murmuring, “..your so confusing.”

The frenzied electro-pop music that had dominated the start of the night started to shift into slower paced music, once a lively crowd turning into flamingos, hugging one another. The array of lights that had strobed around the room, became still, and took a dark tone of vermillion red, consuming the room like it was the red-light district.

Yoonbum had felt the heat rise upon his neck, sensing that with the change of scenery, had now shifted the light-hearted mood he had tried so hard to keep. No amount of alcohol wasn’t going to reverse it by any means anymore. Seungbae finishes his last shot, wiping the remaining residue off his mouth and looks into the distance of the crowd.

As his eyes remain sucked into the force of what appeared to be the abnormal frequency of sensualism, Seungbae says, “do you want to dance?”

Yoonbum held his seat, the build-up of sweat increasing on his nape. He gulps.

“Huh?”

“..It just seems like their having a good time. But we don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Yoonbum had not expected his night would go like this. He hadn’t anticipated that he would have ever had to fail an attempt at warding off a woman of her target, only to be spectacularly lucky at the end when seungbae had shut her down. He hadn’t expected that they would drink like this, be as close as they are now and have seungbae describe him with adjectives he could never see himself as.

He had never ever expected that as the night progressed, seungbae would ever ask to dance with him, let alone with all those people who looked they wanted to eat each other alive. The territory that they were about to delve into felt too risky. Yoonbum bit his upper lip. But he didn’t want to refuse.

“No.. its ok. I want to dance.” Hesitantly standing up from his seat.

“…You sure?” breaking his trance and staring into yoonbums eyes instead.

“Yeah. Like you said.. it does seem fun.

________________

#killing stalking #yoon bum #yang seungbae #Yoonbumxseungbae #killing me softly #Killingstalkingfanfic #seungbum

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parchmentedpetrichor · 3 years

Text

➳all the king's men ♡ ☾

in which all the king's men couldn't put the pieces of y/n l/n together. we all have the days where we're insecure and broken, this is one of hers.

fred weasley x fem!reader

word count: ±1.8k

tw: insecurity, bullying

please if you are having overly harmful thoughts about yourself, talk to a friend or a professional. you are perfect the way you are and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

drop a follow if you wanna see more of this content!!

my masterlist:D

it's so sad that the best people tend to think the worst of themselves

all the king's men

y/n, for lack of a better description, was feeling like humpty dumpty. she had seen herself in the mirror last night, and felt positively traumatised. she had come back from a quidditch practice session, and the results were quite terrifying.

she didn't understand. quidditch made the guys more toned and even a few of her teammates had abs. what did it do to her? well, it made her shoulders broad, which she thought was highly unattractive to anyone, and not at all slim! sure, it was fun and kept her fit, but terribly horrible, in her opinion, in trying to fit in to the beautiful girls that went to hogwarts.

she admired angie johnson and cho chang and ginny. she really did. y/n knew how hard it was to be beautiful, and she liked when other people were so beautifully beautiful. it just made her feel terrible, because what was the chance of her keeping her boyfriend in fred weasley when fiercely pretty girls were dancing elegantly around her?

there wasn't any time to be mopey and sad, so she gathered all her books and immediately went to breakfast. she didn't even bother going over to fred and greeting him. she saw how happy he was laughing with george and lee. surely she wouldn't bother him. instead she plopped down next to alicia.

"you ok?" alicia spinnet asked her.

she nodded, "fine."

"you sure?"

"no."

"wanna talk about it?"

"do you think it's too early to get plastic surgery?" y/n joked in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"what the fuck, no. what's up?" alicia's eyes were lit with concern.

"i don't feel pretty," her voice was but a whisper.

alicia caught it.

"why? you're literally adorable."

"you're my best friend, you're supposed to tell me that."

"hmm, nah, i truly believe it."

"well i don't," y/n said miserably.

"oi, l/n, your hair down today?" adrian pucey snarled, "it's gonna give me aids."

a few students snorted.

"you can get aids then. shut your mouth," y/n retorted back.

the whole school look startled. was this the same, prefect, goody-two-shoes y/n l/n?

adrian pucey opened his mouth.

"i said shut. your. mouth."

fred weasley watched in a mixture of furiousness and pride. he knew that pucey had a crush on y/n too. he was just terrible in expressing it. fred didn't like the way y/n's eyes sadly flitted to alicia afterwards. and she hadn't come up to him and given him a kiss today. maybe she just wanted a bit of space??

"see?" y/n sighed, "not even my hair is pretty." she tied it up.

alicia laughed, "adrian just wants your attention."

that made y/n laugh. "why? why?" it was a rhetorical question. she got up, and smiled at adrian in the most menacing way that he shrunk.

"miss l/n, your outburst was quite rude-" snape began.

"my apologies professor, of course, i was in the wrong. adrian pucey brought the topic surrounding my hair up, called it ugly. now what would you do if a student called your hair ugly?" y/n said, eyes burning with fury but conscience too good to lose her temper.

"i-i would give them a scolding."

"likewise. good day, professor."

"fucking hell, he is such a sh-" alicia muttered as she got up and followed y/n out to class.

"ali, that's enough," their retreating voices could be heard.

fred kept his eye on y/n through the day, giving her the space he thought she needed.

she looked very like her normal self, until she encountered pucey again.

"l/n, nice squinty eyes," pucey laughed.

y/n's shoulders sagged. her eyes dimmed and she let her ponytail fall in front of her face.

"ponytail won't fix them," he laughed meanly, "can they fix your dumpling body?"

fred frowned deeply, "fuck off, adrian," he angrily said, "that's my girlfriend you're talking to."

"oh, you have someone like weasley to save you? i don't even think you deserve him as a boyfriend."

y/n didn't answer, fearing that tears would spill out of her eyes. she had just been feeling worse and worse about herself. instead, when the bell signalled the end of classes, she hurried quickly off to wherever, trying to pull herself together.

she felt like she was at the bottom of the earth. her eyes finally let go of the tears that needed to be spilt. she leant sobbing against a stout tree in the forbidden forest, head slumped gloomily against the trunk, eyes trying to find anything, anything, that could be remotely comforting and hands fiddling nervously with the flowers that bloomed happily around her. her whole body shook in anxiety. she wished she had her mum or dad here to help her. but they were back at home.

how did fred love her?

she wished she didn't have stupid hair or squinty eyes or a dumpling body. but she couldn't ignore the mean, yet so true, remarks about her body adrian made. they were morally wrong and he deserved to be stabbed, but they were factual. she used to just laugh and joke about him too, but now she realised that maybe she should pay more attention to the way she eats and works and the way she talks and looks and presents herself and put more makeup on and-

fred found her crying there, by the little pond, shrinking away from the mere sight of her own appearance. he didn't get it.

well, he did, but he didn't know why such a beautiful girl like his girlfriend was crying.

"y/n?"

she flinched and stopped crying.

"sorry, i'll leave. i don't think you want a dumpling of a girlfriend sharing this nice space," she attempted to joke, but it fell short. she wasn't joking anymore. her tone was serious and genuine. the unexpected good nature pucey's remarks were received in usually was gone, and for good reason. it had broken her into the tiniest little pieces.

fred felt it. he felt his heart stop.

"is this about what pucey said to you, lovely?" he asked gently, cupping her cheek, and pulling her close to him.

she nodded, feeling immensely better already. the smell of him made her calm down insanely.

"so you don't want space?"

"n-no, i was just..." she trailed off uncertainly.

"mhm?" he looked at her and waited.

"it's silly."

"well, it's got you crying, i don't think so."

"the stuff a-adrian says is true," her voice was quiet and small.

fred frowned.

"i'm not cute or elegant or even hot," she continued, "i-i'm not as pretty as anyone here."

"well, my little love, if my opinion even matters, you are stunning. i think you're the prettiest person in the world, both on skin and in here," he patted his own heart, "do you know how long i pined after you?"

"no?"

"i'm still pining after you, gorgeous."

"d-do you mean it when you say gorgeous?" her eyes were broken and teary.

"of course. it hurts me when you are upset. because you are gorgeous and much more because you are so nice and good to me and to everyone else too. pucey's a complete shithead and when i next see him i will bash his head in. i'm so sorry i didn't notice, love, i thought you were mad at me."

"no it's fine, i just don't understand. you're fred weasley. so many girl's want you and you-you choose...me?," a sad frown was etched on her face, her tone confused.

"y/n, you're my only choice. i don't want the other girls. i can see the appeal of you. i-i know i'm not the best with words like you, but i really care about you. i love you, i adore you, you're the bestest person i've ever met."

and he knows he's brought the happiness back in her. she giggled. he felt relieved, because he knew he wasn't good at all at comforting people and y/n was so special to him- why didn't he say that earlier to her?

"bestest isn't a word, freddie."

"well you get what i mean, right? you're really special to me," there it was.

she nodded slowly, a small smile forming on her lips as she kissed him on the lips, before snuggling closer to him.

"darling, wouldn't you rather go back to the castle to cuddle?"

hesitantly, she shook her head.

"why?"

"'drian's there."

"adrian cannot hurt you, okay? whatever he tells you is wrong. he's wrong," he gently says, pulling her close to him, "besides, if he does, i'm here, and you're strong."

"i just cried about it, i can't be strong."

"crying doesn't mean you're weak, darling, sometimes we all cry and that's okay."

y/n nodded.

"here, i brought this for you, maybe it's a comfort??" he blushed as he handed her his quidditch hoodie.

she grinned and put it on.

he couldn't stop blushing at the sight of her, so he tilted his face away to save himself the embarrassment.

noticing and mistaking his turned away head for disgust, y/n took the hoodie off, downcastedly handing it back to him.

"sorry," she gave a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes as fred looked at her in confusion.

"y-you can have it back, yeah, there's no need to hide your shame, here, s-sorry," she stuttered out.

"shame?" he asked, looking worriedly down at her.

"mhm," she fiddled with the hem of her shirt, "sorry."

he finally understood.

"angel, look at me."

she reluctantly looked up at him.

"i wasn't feeling disgusted at all. i-i was actually embarrassed because i was blushing," his cheeks heated up again, "like i probably am right now. you're too beautiful. i was blushing too much."

"oh."

"yeah. now put it back on," he demanded, as he cheekily tugged the jumper over her head, blushing again as he saw her standing there in his jumper.

"c'mon!" he said, carrying y/n's school bag as they made their way to the castle, his arm wrapped protectively around his waist and the bright gold letters on the back of his sweater shining for anyone and everyone to see.

they didn't see pucey, thank goodness and they ended up talking with george and katie bell and angie and alicia by the fire.

as y/n smiled and giggled with katie over something highly scandalous, fred had his eyes on her, not so much monitoring her, but he couldn't keep them off of her.

when he had noticed her words start to become short and slightly slurred by tiredness, he lead her back to her dormitory.

"feeling better princess?"

she nodded, "you're so good to me, freddie. i love you."

it made his heart swell with happiness.

"i'd go to the moon and back for you, y/n."

she smiled drowsily, "and i, you."

191 notes · View notes

phant0m-l0rd · 2 years

Text

My kdrama “reviews” so far (more like random thoughts as I discovered each series):

Warning: some mild spoilers ahead for the series listed in the tags!

I tend to write my thoughts as I’m watching series so I don’t forget what my first impressions were. I'm putting them all here in a post cuz why not lol. Bear in mind, these are my thoughts and opinions, of course (some of which have actually evolved as time has passed since watching these series for the first time). Fair warning: swearing and dumb thoughts ahead.

Stranger/Secret Forest (finished May 6th, 2021 – watched 2x) – my first ever kdrama:

-> First thoughts when I started the series:

Started watching a crime Korean TV drama called Stranger last night on a whim because it was recommended to me on Netflix after watching Train to Busan the other night, and this is my first time watching a kdrama- it's entertaining as hell. I love the 2 main characters. The female protagonist is so freaking cute and badass at the same time and I love her so much. Meanwhile, the male protagonist is exactly what I like in a male character: aloof, a bit callous, but still a good person.

-> Thoughts the day I finished the series:

Just finished and now I don't know what to do 😭😭 Overall a fantastic series; not 1 weak episode. Intricate plot, great acting, and unpredictable twists and turns that constantly subvert your expectations. I was impressed by the way the characters were written. They were all believable, well-rounded. The way they wrote the protagonist, Si-mok, was refreshing, his struggles with processing emotions being portrayed as an asset rather than a setback, while still showing his struggles and flaws. I liked that there was no filler content, romance, or excessively dramatic events to take away from the realism/believability of the show. A breath of fresh air after watching so many American series where things tend to go haywire near the end.

Life (finished June 26th, 2021):

-> Thoughts mid-series:

The most beautiful thing about this series is the loving, indestructible relationship between the brothers. In my opinion, the overarching theme of this series is family (and I love that). Like yeah, the series is about corruption in the medical industry and big corporations' wrongdoings and how they affect human lives, but on a more personal level it's about looking out for one another, and not letting your moral principles be swayed by fear or greed. Trust Lee Soo-yeon to write two separate series about corruption and greed in two entirely different industries (prosecution/ law enforcement in Stranger, big corporations owning hospitals in Life), and having both be this compelling and meaningful. Props to her honestly; I love it.

-> Thoughts the day I finished the series:

Such a wholesome and heart-warming ending to this series; I'm honestly incredibly pleased and can't stop smiling :')) I'm glad all the characters we actually come to care about get a good ending. Phenomenal show, even though it took me a while to get through because it was very emotionally involved. All the problems weren't magically resolved – Mr. Gu may have done the "right" thing and listened to his heart in the end, but the reign of greed and power in contempt of human lives will go on without him, with his successor taking over. It's a harsh truth, but it's realistic. Some fights are harder than others. Results aren't always guaranteed or instantaneous. Some people don't change, some do. Some become better, some worse. The best thing people can do is try and stand for what they believe is right. Now I realise why the show was called Life.

Kingdom (finished August 10th, 2021 – watched 2x):

-> First thoughts when I started the series:

Started watching the kdrama Kingdom last night (yes, partly because my fave Bae Doona is in it, why'd you ask) and I think the zombie design is similar to the ones in Train to Busan, which obviously traumatised me, so I'm in for a ride 😭

-> Thoughts the day I finished the series:

Of course they ended season 2 on a cliff-hanger- how on earth am I meant to wait for season 3 now... 😭 But yeah, fabulous, top-tier series. 10/10. Might just be the most visually stunning series I've ever seen. The storytelling was incredible, the characters (and actors) were fantastic (with awesome character arcs and stories/motivations), and the action had you on the edge of your seat the whole time.

Nobody Knows (finished August 27th, 2021 – watched 2x):

-> First thoughts when I started the series:

I just started a kdrama called Nobody Knows (amazing so far) and the soundtrack in one scene was so beautiful I started properly crying?? The scene wasn't even sad; it was just the sheer beauty of the music 😭😭 I immediately had to hunt down the track- only 1 episode in and so far this series might have the most beautiful musical score I've ever heard in a series.

-> Thoughts mid-series:

Stranger feels like a comedy compared to Nobody Knows, damn 😭 I've never watched a more depressing series in my life 😭😭 It's amazing, but boy is it heavy. Like, Stranger was heavy too but it at least had many fun moments interspersed in there. This is just a depression fest 😭 Also, confession: the only reason I started watching it is because a few weeks ago I came across pics of an actress I didn't know (Kim Seo-hyung) and she's so fucking gorgeous I had a moment of weakness and immediately looked up if she'd been in any series 😭😭

-> Thoughts the day I finished the series:

Omg I can't express how happy and relieved I am that this series ended with a lovely happy ending where no-one dies 😭😭 With how depressing and dark this was half the time I don't think I could've handled an equally as depressing ending... Fantastic series. It's definitely up there for me now. It dealt with lots of touchy yet important topics and got very stressful and action-packed but I loved its main message of learning to forgive yourself. Plus, it focused a lot on trust, friendship, growing up, and striving to become a better person. Also, there were so many twists, turns, and reveals I did not see coming but that were sprinkled in throughout the series from the beginning. You couldn't piece it all together until things unfolded but it made me pause several times and be like, "so that's what that was". Lastly, I was happy with the lack of a romantic subplot, which would, in my opinion, have affected the quality of the story and felt out of place. Even though I think Mr. Lee kinda had a crush on Cha Young-jin, it was never elaborated on and in the end they were just close friends, which I liked. AND HOW COULD I FORGET that amazing musical score. UGH. Every track just hit me right in the feels, and some just left me in awe. Best soundtrack in a series I've seen for real.

Mine (finished September 14th, 2021):

-> Thoughts before starting:

Me vs actually seriously debating watching a melodrama despite my aversion for the genre just because Kim Seo-hyung is a protagonist in it who is also a lesbian.

-> First thoughts when I started the series:

I can't believe I'm about to say this but I caved in and just started watching this show. Damn you, Seo-hyung 😭😭 I'm not far enough along yet to know if I'll enjoy it, as this is basically a melodrama with added mystery and romance, which is so different from what I usually watch lmao.

-> Thoughts the day I finished the series:

I just finished watching Mine- this series was a journey. It completely subverted my expectations. I went in thinking it was gonna be a soapy melodrama (the first few episodes definitely were), but then it kept evolving until it became a whole different beast. I was incredibly impressed. This series lulls you into a false sense of security only to switch on you and almost become an entirely different genre? It basically evolved from over-the-top rich people drama to a murder mystery with strong women fighting for what's dearest to them. All the female characters were so interesting and complex, each with their own journeys, character arcs, strengths, and weaknesses. I loved all the topics tackled, from motherhood to self-acceptance, as well as the lesbian rep with Seo-hyung's character (who was a total badass might I add). I loved the mutual trust between the 2 sisters-in-law so much. Also, the ending was somehow exactly what I'd wished for, which made me so happy 😭 Contrary to what I'd expected when I started watching this, I’d give this series a 9.2/10. Amazing. Also Kim Seo-hyung I love you <3

Tunnel (finished October 4th, 2021):

-> First thoughts when I started the series:

Started watching the series Tunnel on Sunday because it's been on my list for a while and it's leaving Netflix in a few days – I'm already halfway through and loving it BUT I swear to god if anything bad happens to Kim Seon-jae my beloved, I'm throwing hands. I'm just so done with my fave characters either dying or having shitty endings and I've actually been lucky recently with all the kdramas i watched so I hope I'll stay on this winning streak. He deserves a happy ending after all the shit he's been through, please 😭

-> Thoughts the day I finished the series:

Overall a great series, very entertaining, and the ending, although bittersweet, was actually quite nice (to be honest I'm just glad Seon-jae was OK lmao). Although I'd give the series a high score, there were a few things that sadly bothered me, namely the fact that the main character annoyed me 😭 He was too over-the-top and brash and, although he got better, I still never got attached to him. Meanwhile I really loved Seon-jae's character because he was thoughtful, reserved, and touching. I really loved the girl lead, Prof. Shin, too – she was so smart and brave (although I didn't like how often she was put in danger and almost killed by men – it felt very unnecessary). Up until episode 14 I found the series very solid, but the killer's backstory/motivation I found a bit weak, especially compared to shows like Stranger and Nobody Knows. Plus, in my opinion, they avoided addressing some stuff because of the time-travel element and subsequent fear of creating plot holes. Still, great show.

Squid Game (finished October 16th, 2021):

-> Thoughts the day I finished the series:

I enjoyed it and although the ending was a huge downer, you couldn't expect a happy ending with this premise. Many of the twists in the story were predictable. However, the fact that some of these twists you could see coming didn't make them any less emotional or impactful in my opinion. I think the length of the series is good and did not impact the quality of characterisation. Obviously, had the series been longer some characters would've been more fleshed out (especially the villains whose motivations I did feel were weak, in my opinion), however I did get attached to many. Especially Kang Sae-byeok, my beloved. Instantly fell in love with her.

The series' strong point isn't the premise because battle royale stuff has been done to death, but rather the characters, and the important societal commentary/themes being conveyed, as well as allusions to very real events. Now for the final twist – I think the fact that you’re being hit by sad event after sad event wears you down to the point where nothing surprises you or shocks you anymore by the end.

I'm annoyed by certain characters’ decisions, some plot choices, and most of all by the Western actors who were absolutely terrible especially when contrasted with the amazing Korean actors.

Overall, did I enjoy it? Yes. Greatly. Am I glad I watched it? Yes. Will I watch it again? No.

The Fiery Priest (finished October 24th, 2021):

-> Thoughts mid-series:

This series has really got me simping for a priest.

-> Thoughts the day I finished the series:

Well that was an absolutely incredible series. 10/10. Plus, a season 2 was confirmed in the credits so I'm really happy :')) Fabulous acting, great script, cool characters, interesting themes, incredible fights, and it made me both laugh and cry... Every episode was madly entertaining.

Coffee Prince (finished November 5th, 2021):

-> Thoughts mid-series:

I can't lie, so far I’m not regretting starting this romantic kdrama for Gong Yoo (I know, Lisa watching a romcom, who even am I anymore) because he looks so cute here.

-> Thoughts mid-series part 2:

I watch this romantic series for Gong Yoo and they throw another hot man at me [Kim Jae-wook]; this should be illegal. Men with long hair and painted nails will be the death of me I swear to god.

-> Thoughts the day I finished the series:

Well that was a cute and wholesome little series – I definitely don’t regret checking it out. I found the premise pretty charming to be honest. I found it lovely and refreshing that a 2007 kdrama had the guy fall in love with the girl even when he thought she was a guy. It was cool because it made him go on a self-discovery arc and eventually accept himself and his attraction to people regardless of their gender.

The Guest (finished November 22nd, 2021 – watched 2x):

-> First thoughts when I started the series:

Just started a horror kdrama because fuck light-hearted stuff right now and the 2 male leads are 2 of the main guys from Coffee Prince?? I had no clue they'd be in this too and had acted together again 11 years later 😭 Kim Jae-wook was the other actor besides Gong Yoo whom I found very hot in Coffee Prince and he's acting as a priest in this?? As if I needed another hot priest after Fiery Priest 😩

-> Thoughts mid-series:

This series knew exactly how to break me with the scenes in episode 15 where Hwa-pyung finally realised Choi Yoon was slowly sacrificing himself for their cause and subsequently told Gil-young to protect Choi Yoon until the end... When I tell you I had tears 😭 One of my fave themes in media is found family – especially when they start off wary of each other but grow to care so much about each other that they're willing to die for each other. I live for that shit.

-> Thoughts the day I finished the series:

Finished The Guest last night and thank fuck the ending did not disappoint. Incredibly solid series through and through and an instant fave. Albeit traumatic and very disturbing at times, I can't recommend it enough. The storytelling was unbelievable and all the characters were AMAZING. I loved the trio so much, and how all 3 were so willing to risk their lives for one another – it was beautiful. This is one of those series that just grips you instantly. I could watch it again multiple more times no problem. And I love that it used horror/mystery as a vehicle to tell a heartfelt story about forgiveness, friendship, sacrifice, and the good and evil of human nature. 10/10.

Her Private Life (finished December 21st, 2021 – watched 2x):

-> Thoughts before starting:

Once again I am seriously debating watching a romcom series for an actor I love because I finished my rewatch of The Guest need more Kim Jae-wook content in my life...

-> Thoughts mid-series:

In a twist I did not expect, this series is turning out to be positively hilarious – I'm legitimately laughing my ass off at the humour; I've got tears 😭 I guess 2021 is the year I start unironically enjoying romcoms. Turns out when I relax and take things less seriously, I can actually really enjoy this genre.

-> Thoughts the day I finished the series:

I can't believe I went fully feral and finished this romcom in 3 days... Like, I was being "reasonable" with Witcher meanwhile I ate up these 16 episodes in 3 days... 😩😩😩 And I enjoyed every second 😭😭 What even is happening to me 😭 It was entirely worth it for him though... 😔

-> Thoughts during my 2nd rewatch:

Almost done with my 2nd rewatch of Her Private Life and, besides how undeniably hot Kim Jae-wook is, the character he plays is legitimately the sweetest, most caring, and sensitive boyfriend I've seen in fiction. This series for real has the healthiest romantic relationship I've ever seen in fiction; both Ryan and Deok-mi are so respectful of each other and their boundaries; and they truly support each other and communicate their feelings so openly and honestly. Like yeah, I’m a sucker for angsty fictional relationships like Hannibal x Will, but it's so lovely watching something this wholesome for a change. It's so healing to watch (hence I'm watching it again).

Strangers From Hell (finished December 27th, 2021):

-> Thoughts the day I finished the series:

Just finished Strangers From Hell and holy crap that was an absolutely brilliant series. Incredibly disturbing yet captivating. The ending was honestly perfect. Another show where, despite the villain being so obviously terrible, I was rooting for both him and the protagonist. It did not help that the villain was played by Lee Dong-wook, whom I love and who was absolutely brilliant in this. And incredibly unsettling. Also he looks like a hot vampire, which really sells the role. A very similar core message as The Guest to be honest, namely that humans are capable of the worst and are far worse than any monster/demon. Oh and that even the nicest guy can be pushed over the edge. So basically very intense Hannibal vibes. Corruption arcs for the win. Shame this was only 10 episodes but also the pacing, storytelling, character development, etc. was done so amazingly well in that time frame that extra episodes would've just been unnecessary. Also, on top of the fantastic acting, the editing (transitions) and soundtrack were amazing.

Save Me (first series) (finished December 31st, 2021):

-> Thoughts mid-series:

I think I’ve never despised a character more than I despise Apostle Jo in this series, Jesus fucking Christ. Like, usually villains I can love because they’re either cool, badass, or charismatic in some way or have a backstory I can sympathise with or are well-rounded characters who aren’t "just" pure evil. But this guy is just a vile creep and he disgusts me, especially because men like him truly exist in real life.

-> Thoughts the day I finished the series:

Well then, finished this series just in time before it gets taken off Netflix and I couldn't have asked for a more satisfying ending after how depressing and hard to watch it got at times. It was excellent, 10/10, but I haven't cried this much watching a series in a while.

Black (finished January 14th, 2022):

-> Thoughts the day I finished the series:

I just finished this kdrama called Black and can't decide if I hate or love the ending. It stayed true to the characters and wrapped things up nicely but the pacing at the end was very odd and ended on a very bittersweet note.

Overall, this series was very good. It really subverted my expectations. I'm glad I read reviews before watching it that said you must get past the first 2 episodes and then you'll love it because that's exactly what happened with me. If I hadn’t read those reviews, I would’ve stopped watching after the first episode for sure.

It should be called Twists: The Series, truly, because I've never watched ANYTHING in my life with this many plot twists. And it's not like they were just throwing them in willy-nilly – all of em made so much sense and had details that hinted at them in past episodes that you could catch as you went along. I don’t know how the writer kept track of it all 😭

Hyena (finished February 12th, 2022):

-> Thoughts mid-series:

I start a series for Ju Ji-hoon and end up falling for Kim Hye-soo instead – typical of me. After all, badass women with short hair are my weakness.

-> Thoughts mid-series part 2:

I love Jung Geum-ja’s bluntness in the way she worries and cares about Yoon Hee-jae. Also, she's legitimately become one of my fave fictional characters. I love her so much. And the way Hee-jae is so smitten with her despite her unconventional ways is both hilarious and endearing :')) I truly love how both protagonists are equally as stubborn, competitive, confident, and smart as one another, neither being above the other. The actual definition of a power couple.

-> Thoughts the day I finished the series:

I just finished Hyena and that was such a brilliant, fun, amazing series. 10/10. I absolutely adore Ju Ji-hoon and Kim Hye-soo – such amazing actors. They had such great chemistry in this, too :'))

Crash Landing On You (finished February 26th, 2022):

-> Thoughts the day I finished the series:

I just finished Crash Landing On You and I’m already looking for another kdrama to binge lmao. It was rather enjoyable even though it really dragged out in the 2nd half and became way too melodramatic compared to the exceptional first half. The acting was top-notch throughout though.

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pompompurin1028 · 3 years

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Oh my God!! I had never thought of it that way, that’s awesome! Good catch, Kat :o

That is so true, we read Yozo’s life and deeds completely through his own eyes therefore we can’t treat it as an objective narrative. When this is combined with all the analyses you made yesterday, it’s all coming together and this is the best feeling ever, when I first read your response I went crazy with euphoria😭

And exactly! We can definitely distinguish these two narratives -Yozo’s and the woman’s- in the last scene under the sunset. Dazai, for some reason, always denies his good intentions and is “blinded to his better side” as you said and I totally adore this way of putting it. I really hope Atsushi will be able to bring him back to reality😔

I mean, of course he’s not the most snow white person out there, he still has really gray morals, but isn’t this already an incredible step considering that he was born in pitch black? He needs to see how much he’s achieved since then, but he still feels guilty and this totally blocks the good parts of his journey in his mind, which is probably why he always has that façade to keep him from breaking down. Just like how Yozo had this façade of “clowning” even though he was feeling empty inside all while entertaining people and seeming so cheerful. This clowning thing was a really beautiful parallelism between BSD Dazai and Yozo.

Exactly😭 For someone as traumatised as Atsushi, that poor cinnamon roll is really so precious with his amount of trust and kindness🥺 And yeah… There’s no way I would be able to 100% restore my trust for him -if I had it in the first place, of course, you never know with Dazai😂-, I would question constantly if he’s planning new things with several villains “for the sake of the city”, and this is just what Atsushi says, he denies this as well like what- then why😭 He owes a really good explanation to the ADA, tbh. I hope they treat this subject in S3 or I’ll get really mad if he just gets away with it as if people didn’t die because of his shenanigans😤

And oh my God! I never knew that! This is really intriguing, I’m totally on Dazai-sensei’s side on this matter, Run, Melos! will be so interesting to read :o And as always, I’d love to read your analysis on it😌

And that’s so true😞 His plans are always so complex and detailed that if the littlest thing goes wrong, it would all be over, I mean, trusting that Chuuya punches him in the face or he’ll die?? He’s really walking on thin ice there haha. Which, of course, comes with great stress. And omg I LOVED THAT ANALYSIS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING💕 I reblogged it privately to come back to it whenever I start having doubts or feeling bad about Dazai which happened way too often even before Dead Apple, I just couldn’t keep a healthy relationship with him like I do with Kunikida I have no idea why this will really be a useful thing to come back to 💫 It pains me to see that how much he suffers in reality yet he’s not even able to acknowledge that it’s not his fault😞 (you can gimme all your analyses don’t be shy👀)

I’m planning on reading this one, it has several chapters and they all seem really explanatory. (I hope linking system works in asks🤔)

Exactly, I honestly used to miss all these about Akutagawa and just overlook him, consider him as a mere invincible rabid dog with an unhealthy obsession, whose ability is just to murder. But that’s not true at all, he’s more than his ability. To be honest, I think this movie made this sentence valid for everyone, especially if the ability is too strong, one always tends to consider them as their ability and nothing else, but that’s not true, their abilities are a part of them but they don’t assure their existence. Each one of them is more than their ability and I loved seeing that, I even felt sad when Aku regained his Rashōmon😭

Haha, always!!❤️ Never hesitate to share anything about any theory/headcanon you have, I love discussing them🥰

These asks and responses are getting longer and longer but I’m not complaining😂

Thank you so much!🥺 That makes me really happy that you said that!

And yes exactly! We have to make note that the novel is written in an I-novel narrative, and like all first person perspectives, they are unreliable. And "crazy with euphoria", that makes me so happy to hear😭💕

But yes, we can clearly see the distinct difference between how Yozo sees himself, vs how the woman sees him. (Side note: And one of the reasons why I love this book despite its dark themes and narratives, is that it talks about the goodness of humanity that still exists in even the worst people. Dazai-sensei's narration of Yozo is written in a way that almost makes us hate him. But we have to always be reminded that despite this, there are goodness, even in people like Yozo, which I felt is an amazing reminder) And his own blindness to his better side is obviously self-destructive, as seen in the novel, and I believe that if Dazai continues to see this way, he will not be able to heal despite following what Oda wants him to do. No, he first has to face his past, and as you said he has to recognize how far he has come, even though he is still learning, he is still changing. Like all other characters in Dead Apple, Dazai is also facing his past, or more so an introduction to having to face his past, as I believe that Atsushi had also said that he hopes that Dazai can put his past behind him or something similar to that. And I personally feel that Dazai would have a happy ending because unlike in the novel, he has someone (Atsushi) to remind him of his goodness, the fact that he can go beyond what he is in the past. I just love Dead Apple so much😭

And the clowning part breaks my heart too... In addition to being a facade to stop others from seeing how empty he is inside, which would deviate himself from being "human". It gives me a saddening understanding that Dazai is keeping everyone at a distance. Although he wants others to understand him, and his whole existence is basically a cry for help, he fears being hurt, or at least that's what I believe how Yozo thinks. And it should be noted that the act of clowning, can also be seen in The Setting Sun as well, which he once again uses a mask to attempt to blend into society, yet knowing that he'll still be different from the rest of them

Also one thing I also realized as I am writing this is how Dazai-sensei intentionally in a sense villanizes himself (as it is semi-biographical) as well as Yozo in No Longer Human, and I can't help but wonder if this is another parallel to Dead Apple?🤔

But unfortunately, the consequences of him making that meticulous plan which endangered everyone will not be resolved, as it should be noted that this is a sort of spinoff from the main storyline. But in a sense I like the ending it gave us, as it allows open interpretation. And I feel that it also might symbolize the fact that all the main characters in the movie are still growing, are still learning and are continuing on their paths to face their pasts... And what I think is also quite important to note that is there's also a sense of trust Dazai gives to the people involved in his plans, he trusts them to make that exact move to make his plan whole. And also, what also makes me sad is that Dazai seems to be asking for forgiveness for what he did during dead apple, at least that's what it sounds like to me as he said: "Atsushi what I did earlier-"

And I totally agree that it is impossible to restore full trust back to Dazai. That itself is impossible, for it is a disillusionment, it is a stage you cannot go back to. But and I agree with Dazai-sensei, I believe that this could help Dazai see the better parts of humanity like when he said to Oda, that the good side is really more beautiful.

And I'm so glad to know that you want to save it🥺 It can definitely be hard to see Dazai's good side at times, he is quite confusing and is easily misunderstood ngl. But sometimes I think he intentionally does that so no one can see through his true intentions, to keep himself at a distance, while at the same time wanting others to see through him, to help him😔

And oo thank you for the analysis! I'll definitely have to read it soon☺ Also if you have any analysis that you'd like to discuss or want me to know, feel free to drop them in my ask box as well!

And yes exactly! That about Aku is so beautifully said.

And honestly I'm not complaining either haha. These have been quite fun🥰

#asks💌#Req🎻#bsd dazai #bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu #dead apple #bungou stray dogs analysis #bsd theories #kat rambles #I have a lot to say about no longer human and it shows haha

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infinitecrime · 3 years

Text

Spoiler-free TFATWS Ep. 1 review:

A strong and promising set-up episode to reintroduce us to these characters and where they’re at now, with plenty of (sometimes a little clunky...) world building, beautiful cinematography and action sequences, and some really likable new characters. Grounded in reality but it still felt big and like everything could kick off at any time. I have some reservations about Sam’s writing so far but got everything I wanted from Bucky’s. 8/10

Spoiler-heavy review:

Plot/Writing:

No big issues with the plot; it was a set up episode so I wasn’t expecting any huge revelations. Everything was very well done.

Sam’s scenes were meant to show the mundane and realistic aspects of being a superhero and the struggles of post-blip life, but at times they felt a little too mundane and repetitive, particularly the bank stuff. I feel like something more substantial could have been done with Sarah to make that plotline more tense and add real stakes - her car getting towed, an eviction notice, a bailiff coming round, for example? We hear that they’re struggling, but we don’t really see it.

There were a couple of moments of exposition that were so clunky and forced that it really made them stand out, because the rest of the script was so smooth and natural. Particularly Torres explaining who the flag smashers were to Sam, Yori suddenly being reminded of his son, and then some of the lines in the loan scene.

The audience isn’t dumb; we can figure these things out for ourselves. For example, the line from Yori about his son could have been cut entirely because it was already obvious. Bucky seeing the photo in the shrine at the end should have been the reveal for anyone who hadn’t figured it out.

In prior movies we’ve had plenty of backstory for Bucky, but no personality, and plenty of personality for Sam, but no backstory. They needed to fill in those gaps in a way that didn’t have us drowning in constant angst with Bucky, or drowning in constant exposition with Sam. I think we were successful with Bucky because he had some light moments, but Sam’s scenes were just a bit too exposition heavy to feel quite natural. I’m forgiving them because it’s a set up episode, but they need to balance this better in the future.

Sam:

Loved Sam’s action scenes, his relationship with Torres, his interactions with members of the public, all the stuff at the Smithsonian with Rhodey, and his banter with his family. Anthony killed the Smithsonian speech scene and his chemistry with Sarah and Torres is great. But most of the reservations I have about this series after the first episode are about Sam’s scenes, even though I liked them overall.

His writing started very strong but then kind of... fizzled out up until the last 2 minutes? Despite Sam being arguably the most charismatic and likeable and emphatic characters in the MCU, his characterisation just didn’t really come across in the latter half, because he seemed a little too out of touch with what Sarah was going through. Having so many scenes of people hero-worshipping him in one short episode definitely didn’t help with this - we put him in a down to earth, everyman setting but didn’t really see him being that everyman that we know he is, especially when we compare him to Bucky who’s living largely incognito. If I had been a first time MCU viewer I would not have been endeared to him or really gotten what his character was about because it seemed a bit all over the place.

I think this could have been fixed by having a darker scene with his family that would have humbled him to the audience and given Anthony an opportunity to flex his range. Like visiting his parents graves, or being unable to connect with his nephew’s because he’s been gone so long they don’t recognise him, or assuring Sarah that everything’s going to be fine with money then looking at an empty bank account and panicking when she was out of the room. Without that scene it just felt like he was brushing Sarah’s reality and struggles off with an “eh, it’ll be fine!” attitude. We got some range from his character at the Smithsonian, but even that felt like it was more about the shield and the symbol than about Sam and Steve, because we weren’t told whether Steve is alive or dead or still in Sam’s life, so we don’t really know what Sam is feeling.

I’m hoping now that the character set up is done and the fight for the shield gets going, this will get better.

Also, while Sam's opening sequence was awesome and really showed the capabilities of the wings and Red Wing and Sam himself, it felt ever so slightly too OP on the tech front. Unless Redwing has semi-sentient AI like Jarvis the way it works is just too unbelievable, and the wings also seemed to be semi-sentient or controlled by his brain somehow? I think they need to figure out exactly how his tech works because right now we’re leaning into ‘magic wings’ territory.

Bucky:

I love that Sam has been trying to reach out to him as mentioned by the therapist. I wish Sam and Rhodey had paused at his exhibit in the Smithsonian or mentioned him to tie the two storylines together more tightly.

This Bucky is my exact Bucky. This is the absolutely perfect characterisation for me. Snarky, funny, smart, kind of a dork, morally grey, riddled by guilt, trying to do the right thing, depths of sadness and rage and loss, barely holding it together, regaining his old sass and personality and memories but forever a changed man. He wasn’t a totally broken damsel in distress, he wasn’t a completely lawful good hero, he was an independent but traumatised man trying his best to heal.

I’m happy that they mentioned his family and the ‘man out of time’ thing was dealt with very well. He’s wasn’t totally lost, just bemused but adapting well. I was worried they were going to sweep it all under the rug because they felt all ground had been covered with Steve, but they didn’t.

It’s also great that they showed he was capable with technology. The Winter Soldier would absolutely have used all kinds of tech, Bucky was always a science nerd, and he lived in high-tech Wakanda for a few years. He’s likely fine with technology, it’s the people and culture he doesn’t understand.

I love him trying to date and being flirty. I will continue to fight the people who say he shouldn’t be dating because he has PTSD - it’s fucking ableist and patronising. Also, he’s been free from HYDRA for almost 5 years (10 if you count the blip). When is he allowed to start dating if not after 5 whole years?!

Sam has previously been the funny one but I think Bucky had better one liners here. I can’t wait until we see both of them together, their chemistry is unmatched.

Seb does all these conflicting emotions and micro-expressions and feelings hidden in the eyes so, so well. You feel it all - the guilt and shame, the desperation to make amends, but also the rage and need for revenge and killer instinct bubbling under the surface that he’s constantly having to fight down. This is a character with a dark side, and no matter how fandom may characterise him, he always has been. Seb really bought the comedy here too.

Bucky having P.W. Hauser in his book was hilarious.

New Characters:

All the new characters felt very real and likeable. Loved the girl in the restaurant (did they actually say her name? I think from the credits she must be Leah), Sarah Wilson, the no-shit taking therapist, Yori, and particularly Torres, who I have a feeling will die but I really love.

I see from the IMDB that Leah is listed as appearing in all 6 episodes, so maybe there will be an actual relationship between her and Bucky? Or she’s a secret super hero or not who she seems? We didn’t actually see Batroc die, meaning he will likely come back too. He’s listed as only having 1 ep on IMDB but so is the therapist and we know she comes back from the promos - maybe IMDB is just wrong, idk.

Other:

The cinematography was really great, some beautiful shots here, especially around Louisiana and the Tunisia stuff.

It’s such a minor thing but I like when people actually get to speak the languages they would speak in that situation, instead of a room full of French people speaking English for the audiences benefit. It feels so much more real.

Even the end credits were beautiful!

#tfatws spoilers #the falcon and the winter soldier #tfatws

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bornofbloodandwater · 3 years

Text

Pros and Cons of Dating my Muse

Name: Xiomara Aurelius Athanas

Race: Siren / Greek

Sexuality: Bisexual Biromantic (but uh...well you’ll see)

-List all the Pros and Cons of a relationship with your Muse below-

XIO IS DATING YOUR MUSE BUT IT IS MY GOBLIN CHILD AND SHE LOVES NOBODY UNTIL SHE’S BASICALLY MARRIED TO THEM. DO NOT ENTER EXPECTING REALLY ENCOURAGING PROS, THIS WAS HARDER THAN IT LOOKS TO COME UP WITH GOOD REASONS TO DATE XIOMARA.

Pros

1. Thoughtful of your emotions and needs, Xiomara can be very attentive. Paying extremely close attention to what makes you shine for her. Ignoring the fact that this is because she is being her temptress self, she gets joy out of creating such wonderful highs for others. You’ll feel like you are on a pedestal being lavished by a Goddess, but are you there because she wants you? Or because she wants to revel in her power over something beautiful? (If she truly cares about you she’ll let you read what SHE needs and let you see her in true moments of joy and pain.)

2. Xiomara is a fairly peaceful person in her downtime and very comforting to be around! If you’re permitted to be around her when she’s at home (which, her lengthier flings are) you’ll find a very serene life. Breakfast in the warming morning sun with a book in hand, trips to markets to sell what she grows in her gardens, yoga, naps, making bread and pastries, all between her adoring you, embracing you, pleasing you.

3. Extremely loyal, she’ll stand for you against anything. No stranger to slinging a cheeky quip at creeps any more than she is to tearing them apart, and she’ll do it all for you. Her loyalty extends even to more arbitrary relationships, while you’re around at least. If you have her undying loyalty even after an absence, you’re something special, she’s not forgotten you, she cares.

4. Xio wants to bring you around the world with her, take you on adventures, treat you to the best experiences life has to offer. She likes to keep those she enjoys the company of very close. So if you’ve ever wanted to see the world in all its glory for free, you’ve landed the right Murderous Sea Idiot.

5. Large breasts. That is all. (Yes I am struggling more with Pros than I am with Cons.) As a serious answer, she’s not quick to panic, she is level-headed, intuitive, discerning. If you are panicked or afraid or stressed about something she’ll come up with solutions to help with calm words and a controlled manner. It is very soothing if you find yourself in trouble fairly often or are an anxious person!

6. Xio is an unbelievably good cook and she WANTS to cook for you. There is no sense of obligation in her offering to treat you to anything you want. In fact, if she really cares about you (everything she does has a little bit of backwardness to it) she’ll make you whatever SHE wants. It is a sign that she isn’t trying to charm you, she’s not putting on the show and the flash to distract you from who she is.

7. Due to the society in which Xiomara was raised, she is extremely open-minded. She won’t be phased by any expression of gender, identity, preferences, any combination or presentation of any of those facets. You are a person to her in the end, she wants your experience, your energy, your desires. She wants to see you happy and thriving. She’s far weirder than most and loves embracing everything that makes someone just a little different. If she’s unfamiliar or wants more clarity she will ask if it is alright to ask questions and respect any answer you give her. Some mystery is certainly not the worst, in fact, she respects secrets and the unexplained. After all, she has many secrets herself. Yes, this open mind does extend to kinks 👀

(Her questions would mostly be boundary related, can’t see her being surprised or unaware of expressions of identity.)

8. This is for the dominants, because LUCKY YOU you’ve just stumbled across the subbiest creature in the universe. She is obedient, passionate, insatiable and an absolute tease. You’re also the more likely group to actually get her to enjoy your company as more than just a fling. In the end, Xio needs the control and the care, the relationship dynamics that typically come with a dominant partner.

Much like a tiger doing tricks, if she senses weakness she WILL take over or cease to follow your instruction. Power-bottom? Or situational switch? That depends quite how spectacularly you fail to take control.

9. So, you’re a bit of a brat! Or very specifically, an over-confident man/masc who won’t shut his mouth unless she chokes him? Hope your aim was to be brought to tears being edged out of your mind because Xio’s a total soft-dom. She’s not going to give you tons of bruises or make you sleep on the floor, no, Xio is going to tell you to be good for her, keep your hands behind your back, make as much noise for her as you want while she brings you to the edge over and over.

However, she isn’t someone who seeks a relationship in which she is in constant control. You’re less likely to have her become truly attached if you take a more subservient role outside of the bedroom.

10. Xiomara believes in soulmates. Even though I don’t write them as being real, she just believes in them. These are the possible pros of her belief. If your muse understands Xio and SEES her? Theres a high chance (seeing as they’re dating in this scenario) she’ll start to view you as The One. You have to know her for everything she is and for most people that will stop at trying to understand her cruelty, her prolonged suffering, her difficulty accepting love.

Bonus 11. So, you’re a bit of a monsterfucker ay? Even just a little bit? You can always go swimming with your hot sea-demon girlfriend, just a thought. Let her tease you endlessly about being a terrible swimmer, wrap her tail around you like a constrictor and cover you in kisses and bites. Y’know if you’re into that (we all know we are).

Cons

1. She doesn’t love you. It is nothing personal, but she needs full and complete acceptance and understanding. Usually in the form of someone who celebrates her, all of her, even her cruelty. That is quite a lot to ask of anyone; to love a monster. Something I will not diminish for her.

2. She kills people for money. I feel like that is a Con in most cases. Coming home covered in someone’s blood, probably leaving the bathroom splattered with red, occasionally returning to you half-dead and climbing into bed in that state. One might say that could be just a little traumatising.

3. Speaking of blood. You wanna deal with non-verbal BLOODLUST Xio? Because I sure don’t. Unable to communicate with you when she storms into her home hopped up on murder-adrenaline. Terrifying and with the ever-present possibility of killing you if you’re not very close with her? Having to calm her down? Being threatened by someone who softly kisses you awake? I don’t wish that emotional whiplash on anyone.

4. She’s stubborn as all hell. If she truly wants/needs something and you try to stand in her way you are as disposable as off-meat. She is not giving up. She has a long life to live, and no intentions of wasting it pandering to the concerns and morals of others. She’ll only be told no for so long before she moves on. (Just to clarify this is not about her wanting things from your muse this is about her wanting things in life or needing to do things and your muse disliking/attempting to stop her in any way)

5. She may have big boobs but that’s...kinda where the softness stops. Very bony, muscular, very little fat, not that much fun to cuddle unless your ideal cuddle partner is a tiny, bony, serpentine lady who screams in the night... speaking of-

6. NIGHT TERRORS. Oh yeah, enjoy that on a regular basis. Xio’s insomnia is your insomnia now! Hope you’re a heavy sleeper, but even then, occasionally being woken with a hand around your neck can’t be good for your nerves. The possible exception to this Con being the premonition-like nature of her sister’s appearances in her life, if Xio feels like she’s doing something very right (like being with you) they’ll die down. Xio can’t discern whether this is just reduced stress and having a confidant, or if her sister is watching over her and giving her insights on how to best live her life. She tends to lean toward the latter, so yet another Con for you is that she might toss you to the kerb if those nightmares get worse. Don’t you just love bonus Cons...

7. Xio can be a bit of a hypocrite. She can dish it out but she can’t take it. She will excitedly enter into volleying little quips, insults, banter, sarcasm, but as soon as she’s sat across from someone who can throw it right back she can get frustrated quite quickly. Xio knows full and well she doesn’t deal with her problems how she should, she doesn’t need to be told so.

8. Not sure if this is a Pro or a Con to be quite honest but Xiomara, and Sirens in general, are not very fertile outside of their own race. If your muse wants kids there will be considerable difficulty there. Xio doesn’t actually ever consider having children but might consider it if she had another long-lived partner. However, secret pro if your muse doesn’t want kids, I guess!

9. Xio will keep things carnal for the most part. She can be whisking you off around the world, treating you to beautiful things and making you feel comforted and cared for, but all she is able to pursue is sex. It keeps her participation in these relationships shallow. It is only in the back of her mind that she seeks love, however, she isn’t actually certain as to how that is displayed or what it means to her because she has never let someone love her.

10. Xiomara believes in soulmates. Which means if you aren’t everything you’re nothing. Something fun to toy with while she waits for the real deal. Bless you if you tell her you love her, you’ll get a flat, disinterested stare in response with maybe an “I’m sorry to hear that.” or “How unfortunate.” It is something that will end her relationship with you, especially if she knows you aren’t the one. While it is a mercy that she will not lie to you or lead you on, it is cruel that she lets people get so close to her when she is so removed.

Bonus 11. If this bitch falls in love with you you’re locked in. You’re basically married. She’s immortal and chaotic and would probably kill you if you tried to abandon her...proceed courting her with extreme caution.

Tagged by: @magioffire

I want you to know there is no pressure this took me three days to complete. ‘Tis a long one. Tagging: @derobergeist (you know who we all want to seeeee, give us the Stabby Doctor), @suresaint, @mettleborn (give me Igorrr), @sunbentsky (Oles or Villen?), @fourmarksmage

#;I feel like a person for a moment of my life (headcanon)

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starlit-pathways · 3 years

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rules: tag people you would like to know/catch up with❤️

thank you so much @faeinthefog for tagging me, you have such incredible taste???? (as always) also, brb adding piranesi to my already-too-long tbr list

...speaking of lists that are far too long!! *cracks knuckles* let's get down to business!!!!

last song: excluding my many varied writing playlists, then probably eclipse by moonbyul or love poem by iu, including my writing playlists then this was my last listen

last movie: the prom. didn't personally vibe with it but i know it meant a lot to some (personally, i feel like a lot of what it was trying to do has already been done better by other films—like ek ladki ko dekha toh aisa laga). it had very pretty colours in it?? and i definitely wouldn't pass up the chance to play emma in an actual musical, but i feel like the story itself is too much of "aaaaand THIS is how the Gay Struggle™‬ applies to the average straight person!!!" which I don't even mind in a story that's done WELL (again, see ek ladki ko dekha toh aisa laga, or even one of my favourite books; the seven husbands of evelyn hugo) but i don't personally feel like it was done well enough here to pass it off

currently watching: oh no. a LOT. uhhhh okay let's try counting

1) godless—a miniseries on netflix which is v. good and very beautiful; essentially a story about fatherhood, masculinity and the loss/lack of it in a historical "wild west" type setting (it's a lot more diverse than it sounds. i promise.)

2) the fresh prince of bel-air—i shouldn't have to describe this one to many people lol, but it's basically a comedy about a quick-witted, very street-smart boy who goes to live with his very wealthy and privileged family in bel-air. it's very funny, and very heartwarming but i'm only a couple episodes in so far.

3) my mister—i'm only a few episodes into this drama myself but. damn. it's a show about two very broken, wearied people whose lives are falling apart in different ways (a very principled slightly older man, and a very... alternatively principled younger woman), who find each other and help each other heal. i've seen their relationship described as "everything but romantic", though the subject of romance and the nature of their relationship is questioned in the show and sometimes by the two characters

4) taskmaster—this one's just FUN, and also quite honestly pure chaos. i'm trading favourite shows with a friend, and damn if i'm not having a blast with this one. it's basically about a group of comedians who get given a set of tasks/challenges to do, to see who does them best—it has the exact same vibe of the joke "how many comedians does it take to change a lightbulb?". if nobody watches anything else of the show, i implore them to at LEAST watch this tree wizard clip. it's a masterpiece.

5) rick and morty—probably not my favourite type of show (monster of the week's not my usual style), but still good if you're it's intended audience. trading this with another friend, and i'm very much enjoying the experience of trash-talking all of the adult characters every episode with them.

6) mr. iglesias—this one's a very new addition. am also watching it with a friend. comedy about found family in a classroom full of underprivileged kids and the one teacher who really cares about them. i like it! i love marisol a lot as a character and mr. iglesias is very wholesome

re-watching:

7) the untamed—i'm going to be watching this show in some capacity for the rest of my life. i'm on my seventh watch by now and it never diminishes in quality. it's a truly epic introspective character exploration, about a quick-minded, entirely chaotic and very free-spirited man who dies and comes back in quite literally the opening moments of the show. you get to see his descent from being the world's envy to being the world's villain. it's a wonderful fantasy series about perception, the nature of morality, of family (born, raised and chosen) and about building a better world. did i mention that the main character is—as far as chinese censorship laws would allow—very bisexual and the story very heavily features a love story between him and another man? this was the edit that got me into it (it has spoilers but without context it won't make any sense anyway)

8) healer—what a drama. this is all about the power of information—how being informed and making information available can heal a nation that was built to be corrupt. starring a character who is basically a man who is a much poorer batman (kind of like a batman for hire?) with superman's love life (the show's got one of the best and most valid love triangles i've ever seen—and that's coming from somebody who typically HATES love triangles with a burning passion) and a woman who is feisty and strong-willed but not in an overbearing way? as well as amazing action, from somebody who normally can't stand action. i love the chemistry between the two romantic leads and just. i love the three leading characters, and a great deal of the periphery ones a lot. this show is absolutely incredible, would highly recommend

9) it's okay to not be okay/psycho but it's okay—a show that says neurodivergency and found family rights!!!! it's a very healing and introspective drama, but equally very intense/gripping/interesting? the chemistry between the two leads is astounding, and i just really love the amount of empathy this show has? it's truly stunning to watch and experience. starring an absolute badass of a woman, who acts almost entirely on impulse and communicates with the world through storytelling and fairytales, alongside a very kind and nurturing man who doesn't know how to communicate when he's miserable and an autistic man, who struggles deeply with his own fight for independence (i wasn't too sure on him at first, but he grows into just as much of an equally important character as the other two and i loved his arc).

currently reading: the earthsea quartet, by ursula le guin—i'm really loving it! it's probably not one of my favourites (yet), but she has such an interesting way of building up her world, and there's such a strong sense of compassion in every word she writes.

also i've recently found and fallen in love with this fic series. it's very nsfw and modern au's aren't usually my thing for historical (or even semi-historical) fiction/fantasy, but there's just something about sex worker!wei wuxian and translator!(and also secret fashion nerd!)lan wangji both being absolute disasters and also really cute and really repressed but also being neurodivergent and disabled characters (i'm SO here for autistic!lan wangji, traumatised!wei wuxian and chronically ill!yanli all being happy) and getting therapy that really appeals to me.

currently craving: crisps. always. of the salt and vinegar variety (this specific variety especially), of course, but there's never a day that passes when i'm not craving crisps

this was really fun!!! now for the worst part of this............ tagging. OKAY. so... please know that nobody is under any obligation to do, or even acknowledge, this—and also, if i missed you, you see this and you WANT to, then consider the act of seeing/hearing this a formal invitation

@ethereal-sserendipity @lillb5678 @genericfandomusername456 @mars-aria @ikatella @juliedohbigny @multiplequestionmarks @itiredwriter @myrim-anna-rose @gaysofmyheart

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margotverger · 4 years

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top 5 best hannibal takes and worst hannibal takes. go

okay i’m going to do this generally on what other people’s takes (that i’ve seen or read somewhere) are because none of my hannibal takes are bad.

top 5 best:

that margot should have been butch in the tv show and that the margot/alana romance could have been developed a little more, i’ll elaborate more on the butch angle in top 5 worst, but i think while i enjoy marlana in s3 (who doesn’t) i do think that there could have been a Little More to it, especially since there was admittedly a lot of gratuitous metaphorical work on a visual or verbal level in early s3 that didn’t... really do much after the first few, and that i think bryan fuller definitely got a bit self-indulgent. while i love s3 i think it was weaker because it got quite ensnared in feeling like it had to explain everyone’s individual recovery (not a bad thing necessarily and the looping narrative definitely had this feeling of “time has been changed, mutilated, adjusted after mizumono”, but on a narrative level it could have probably still been achieved but left more room for things to. Happen) and i think that some of the excess could have been trimmed to allow for more margot-alana development beyond simply talking about taking revenge, i would have loved to see some genuine conversation that only affected both of them that made us realise just why alana would raise the child with her, why they would get marriedーalana having very little dating life and presumably trauma around relationships since her immediate ex tried to murder her and is also a serial killer, and margot having been traumatised repeatedly due to being a lesbian in a very homophobic family, they deserved some space in order to explore why exactly they mean a lot to each other. even a singular scene that didn’t depend on taking vengeance on the men who hurt them would have given us enough i think.

lara jean chorostecki’s hot take (implied) that freddie would have a wife. groundbreaking. love that. regardless of bryan fuller i am assuming with full confidence that freddie lounds has a wife after the timeskip

autistic will graham. enough said. hugh dancy’s only stupid thing was saying will isn’t autistic. that was a sin. will graham is autistic

lesbian abigail hobbs. lesbian abigail hobbs!

the hot take that hannibal doesn’t do its women characters justice, this isn’t just about deaths (i do agree that for the gothic horror narrative characters are doomed to some extent, and i don’t overly grieve over deaths that came too early, so i’m not too fussed) but on a writing level, bryan fuller definitely tries to portray himself as a very woman-positive author who introduces feminine energy - and he does! but at the same time there is a lack in developing relationships between women, and for a story to truly give space to be a genuinely woman-positive story there needs to be strong relationships between women that don’t depend on men; obviously since hannibal’s presence is insidious and infects everything, as is his luciferian ways, and will’s often the binding agent, this can’t be entirely avoided but regardless of hannibal they can exist, on some small level, individually. we saw that a lot in s1! between abigail and freddie and alana and abigail mostly, plus there was a small glimpse at it in season 3 with bedelia and chiyoh (underrated imo i would love to see further into why bedelia has her views of chiyoh and what that means ... i hope they interact again if hannibal s4 comes to pass!). so it proves there is room for it. it doesn’t need to be every episode or even have a huge arc but seeing hannibal pass the bechdel test more than like. twice a season would be nice!

top 5 worst takes:

that bedannibal is more romantic than hannigram (lol)... i love bedelia and bedannibal a lot but that’s just. hm. incorrect

that hannibal has never loved anybody except will. i’ve wrote about this before but i think that’s a deliberate misunderstanding of the character hannibal. what is unique about hannibal and will’s relationship is not the presence of love but the presence of being changed by that love; transformation is at its core, the openness to being adjusted or altered... recognition, seeing, understanding, and that allowing compassion not only for the other (in hannibal’s case) but for the self (in will’s case). hannibal loves a lot, but his love is not separate from crueltyーi think this is where people misunderstand. just because he is willing to hurt or harm people isn’t, in the narrative (not in real life), because he doesn’t love them. his cruelty is because he loves people enough he wants to bring them to the height of their being, in extremis. he loved alana, which is why he showed her a chance at mercy. he loved bedelia. he loved jack. he loved abigail! he loved bella especially, and he genuinely mourned. these went beyond fascinations; these were genuine expressions of affection, love, whether they be platonic or romantic or familial. hannibal’s flaw is not that he is incapable of love. and personally i think to disrespect his relationships with other characters (who are all women, black or both lol) in order to further isolate the white m/m relationship is... not ideal. not a sign that someone is wholly prejudiced but i think it’s something we should be critical about, especially when hannibal through word of god is confirmed to love other people.

bryan fuller’s own take that margot being femme is somehow less prejudiced or problematic than if she was butch. i haven’t read the book yet but i already know that margot’s portrayal as a butch lesbian was problematic but thomas harris is . undoubtedly prejudiced in many ways and that’s a fault of him, not a fault of the existence of being butchーbeing butch isn’t just a “stereotype” it’s a genuine mode of existence, it’s an intricate relationship with gender, sexuality and love, and butchness deserves to be represented as something beautiful, desirable and complex... instead of just deciding she should be conventionally feminine because that’s somehow more progressive. but then again he also made her have sex with a man so you know. lol

ANY take that involves over-analysing who is a top or who is a bottom and then rendering the characters into homophobic/fetishistic stereotypes. it’s ugly! it’s weird! keep that shit away from me. also any take involving “dark!will”. again that just does the character of will disrespect lol. the whole point of will is that he is morally complex and perhaps beyond the human scopeーhe is not just an echo of hannibal... i’ve seen one too many fics where will just becomes a savage brutal unfeeling murderer who only cares about hannibal after s3. like please watch the show

that hannibal is a narcissist/sociopath... or any other ableist interpretations. not every villain is a narcissistic (a genuine disorder) sociopath (just another word associated with npd etc) just because they do bad things. they’re very real disorders that people deal with and are infinitely more complex than just a character having a god complex and killing people. the whole point about hannibal is that he exceeds what is considered neurodivergent and while i don’t mind if people with similar disorders relate to him (much like how i relate to will’s autistic traits) i think a lot of bad comes from people throwing the label sociopath around because it becomes dehumanising and leads to further stigma against truly vulnerable people.

basically any trope that just does a character a disservice or neglects the actual story in further of fetishistic thinking, prejudiced thinking, ableist thinking... will graham can be autistic because of his empathy (i’ve seen it implied that he can’t be because of it when, as a very empathetic autistic person, hyper-empathy is a very common if not universal symptom, it just appears differently) and hannibal is not a sociopath just because he kills and eats people. and we should all have a little sip of critical thinking juice

#ty lear <3 <3 #bluebeardsbride #inbox

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tracybirds · 3 years

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Fanfic in Review 2020

Tagged by @hodgehegposts, posting on my thunderbirds blog bc that seems more relevant ahaha :D

Total number of completed stories: This took me a while to figure out thanks to that terrible habit of mine of taking ages to archive things whoops. 42 fics on tumblr, i think 38ish are on ao3 and only two active wips! I know there are others amonst that which are technically wip but shush i can’t think on all of my someday plans at once. mostly oneshots bc that’s how I roll!

Total Wordcount: well I published 118,557 words, but approx 20000 of those were from 2019 crossposting. I’d guess I have about 10000 words of unpublished stuff floating around, i’m not quite sure, so let’s say about 105,000 words. which is a ridiculous number what the heck

Fandoms written in: Thunderbirds only this year! I got a little sucked in ahaha

Looking back did you write more, less, or about what you expected to this year? hmm way more in the first half of the year. then I think I got used to writing lots and so my expectations for the second half were much higher than was realistic given my RL responsibilities, so I was def disappointed by the second half :(

What’s your own favourite story of the year? Just one? I’m actually really proud of a lot of different stories so allow me to review my own work and pick some faves ahaha :D

1. Care Packages - inspired by Thunderbird X by @gumnut-logic, and I loved writing this because it all just fell into place and flowed so beautifully. It allowed me to form my own concepts as to how exactly John might have coped with the loss of his father while in virtual isolation and I genuinely think if I had to pick my best fic of the year, I’d go with this one. 2. Reckless Meetings - this one was pure self indulgence and I genuinely had so much fun daydreaming about this AU where Gordon is a primary school teacher and Penny works in a museum :D I didn’t write a lot down but it gets points for the amount of glee I had while writing and the smile I get every time I remember that it exists :DDD 3. Trials Without Error - this one I love because I got to explore three different perspectives on one event and I loved how in doing that it almost revealed three totally different stories! I also had a lot of fun making them slot together and also exploring EOS’s more ruthless side. 10/10 would explore again, a morally indifferent EOS is very fun.

Did you take any writing risks this year? Writing some multichapter fics was definitely a risk for me! I attempted 5 multichapter fics and completed three of them which is WILD!!

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for next year? Not so much this year! I really just want to find a better balance for myself in terms of work because that will give me mental space and also writing time, but that’s a little out of my control so we shall see what comes to pass.

Most popular story of the year? Ooh, apparently Love Languages! Interesting, I wouldn’t have picked that one ahaha

Story of mine most underrated by the universe, in my opinion? I think Consequences, but I do get it - it’s marked as incomplete on ao3 because it has an ambiguous ending (which is another turn off I know) AND to add to its sins, it’s less than 1000 words... But I still think the concept is one I want to explore further so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Most fun story to write? The Bold and The Beautiful and A Captain and His First Mate were both a BLAST, I had so much fun with them :DDD First one is John and Gordon getting all giddy and borrowing their Dad’s v v pretty car, and the second is Gordon and Alan playing make believe :D

Biggest disappointment? probably that I didn’t bank in on my momentum for Earthbound - I genuinely love that story and it’s literally all planned out and prepped and I’ve written some prequels and snapshots that fit in with it and everything, but lockdown 100% killed my ability to write that story because John is just too miserable and traumatised and I couldn’t write that when I was busy being miserable and exhausted so :(( bye earthbound, I will come back to you some day, I have too much all ready to go and I love the concept to much to let it all go to waste. But I’ll probs need another year if I’m being honest with myself.

Biggest surprise? How frequently people give feedback and comments! There were several times where people would read like ten fics of mine and leave comments on all of them and I just :’) That was so nice!! Especially when I was hardly able to get online when I had to prep exams and organise well... everything (protip, don’t accept a temporary promotion the year of a pandemic that was not the intro to heading a department that i wanted, there were so many tears). My point though, is that it felt like my inbox was overflowing and I felt terrible I couldn’t respond but it made my heart jump with joy <3

#did this take me two hours to type yes #it is apparently nearly midnight GOOD JOB BRI #anyway uhh hope you enjoyed the read feel free to chat with me about any of these ahaha

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pynkhues · 4 years

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Since you're a writer, I'm hoping you can shed some light on this. IMO the writers were chasing viewers in S2 and trying not to get canceled. Personally, I hate when writers toy with their audience, it means they don't have a clear picture of their characters and narrative. How do you feel about writers making it up as they go?

Ah, this post got really long, anon! Since you asked me as a writer, I’m answering as one (I hope you don’t mind! I also hope this doesnt come out as too Creative Writing 101 for people either. This is just lessons I’ve learned and use in my own practice, so I’m applying them here.)

(Also I have drawn horrible diagrams on my very pink notebook paper - I am so sorry, haha)

So first thing’s first - no. I don’t think the writers were chasing viewers (at least not beyond the way any writer is wanting an audience), and I don’t think they were making it up as they go really, but I can understand why you would think that way!

It won’t be a surprise to anyone that I love this show a lot, but coming from it as both a writer and editor - this show does have narrative problems, and the biggest ones, particularly in s2, are in execution, escalation and pacing.

I think heading into the season they had certain character arcs they wanted to follow which married well with the story they wanted to tell. In particular, I actually think the writers have a very strong handle on the girls (I will say that I’ve had a few asks telling me Beth’s characterisation is all over the place, which I’m curious about, just because I personally find her very consistent, and when I’ve asked for clarification, I’ve never gotten any reply, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

I mean, look at their s2 arcs on paper, right?

Ruby tries to negotiate Stan’s lowered opinion of her after the reveal of what she’s done, then has to negotiate him telling her to turn Beth and Annie in. She manages the situation painfully but pulls them through and they’re close again as Ruby navigates the increasingly lower depths of their crime life. When Stan acts to save Beth for Ruby and is arrested, it only escalates – the case on him driving Ruby to extremes to try and save him, including robbing a Quick Cash and using counterfeit money to bribe a lawyer. On top of that, she’s being targeted by an FBI agent who’s after her best friend who she gives up and then saves and then who tries to sacrifice herself for them. Ruby finishes the season the most morally compromised she’s ever been.

Annie gets back together with her ex only to find out that he’s gotten his not-quite-separated-wife pregnant. She splits up with him, but is heartbroken and it’s only amplified by the fact that they’ve been given a job by their Crime Boss to murder a man who tried to rape her but who’s grandmother she has a relationship with. Her sister can’t kill him, and Annie doesn’t get the chance as MP beats her to it. Upon disposing of the body though she endures a whole lot of pain as a result of both her ex’s new family and knowing she’s robbed a woman of her own. Annie goes on a guilt tour – tells her son, helps Marion, helps Nancy only to eventually find an absolver of her guilt in Noah, who builds her up and tells her she’s more than what life has given her. She lets herself have it for a while, before realising he’s FBI and there to trap her, and Annie tries to use him only to realise she can’t, and she finishes the season in a lot more hurt than she started it.

Beth struggles with guilt after getting Dean shot, gets the job to kill Boomer from Rio, can’t do it, gets support and encouragement from him (in various states of animosity), but in the end doesn’t have to find out if she can do it because MP does it instead. She’s rewarded by Rio in a way she probably never has been by anyone, her husband further subjugates her, so she has sex with Rio, starts to entertain a future with him, but he undermines her, so she seizes control from him. They work together. Dean forces her to break up with him due to jealousy, she struggles, goes back, but Rio’s stung, so unhelpful, and they play a little cat and mouse before he bails then kidnaps her and she shoots him.

With the exception of that very last sentence, I think all of those are narratively really strong pathways to have explored. Like I said above though, the issue is in execution, escalation and pacing.

But to talk about those things, I think I probably need to talk about story.

SO!

Stories have a shape.

Kurt Vonnegut talks extensively about this, and while he’ll talk about a few different types of story shapes, they really all boil down to this bad boy here:

Look at this guy.

What a beautiful thing.

He’s a story.

It doesn’t matter if you’re reading Dr Seuss or Charles Dickens, when you read a story – when you strip away its words and its characters and its settings – this is what it looks like.

Or, well.

Not quite.

Really, it’s this guy:

But we’ll talk about him in a sec.

Right now, let’s talk about that first little inch:

The Beginning

The fact that stories have a beginning is not a surprise to anyone. Stories need them. In some ways, they’re the most important part of your story. After all, the job of the beginning is to set up the world your protagonist is about to leave behind. That is essential in grounding a reader / viewer – orienting them to the world that they’re in, and getting them invested in the story you’re about to tell, if not the protagonist.

Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Game of Thrones are all excellent example of this (and frequently used in teaching) because in each of these cases it’s literal. Frodo leaves Bag End, Harry leave Privet Drive, Luke leaves Tatooine, the Starks leave Winterfell. There is a literal departure from the world before the crux of the story, and that departure is what signifies the start of the ‘hero journey’ aka the main part of your narrative.

Of course, it’s not always literal – in fact, it’s usually not. Usually that world is symbolic – it’s the single, uncertain world before the Bingley’s buy the house next door in Pride and Prejudice or the dry domestic sphere of Breaking Bad before Walt decides to make meth. It’s a marked shift, whether that’s internal or external.

In Good Girls, it’s internal.

The beginning is actually pretty perfect. The world it sets up that we’re about to (try to) depart is one of struggle and invisibility.

Beth’s in a loveless marriage promptly discovering that her husband is not only cheating but about to leave them destitute, Ruby’s getting ignored by the healthcare system and can’t afford to pay for her daughter’s wellbeing, and Annie is in a dead end job about to lose custody of her child.

Writing-wise – as a beginning, I honestly think 1.01 is close to perfect.

It sets up who these characters are, their personal conflicts, and the story world they share together, and the worlds they have on their own i.e. Ruby at the hospital and the diner, Annie at Fine and Frugal, Beth with Dean and Boland Motors.

Then:

BOOM

Inciting Incident.

The inciting incident is also often called The Point of No Return.

When I’m teaching, I personally like to call it the “You’re a wizard!” moment.

It’s when something happens that means everything set up in the beginning will be changed forever. It’s Romeo meeting Juliet, it’s Katniss volunteering for Prim, it’s Frodo deciding to take the ring to Mordor, it’s Jaimie pushing a child out a window, it’s Beth – deciding to take her little sister’s joke seriously and rob a grocery store.

(Again, I like to use Harry Potter because it’s literal – there is no return for Harry after hearing Hagrid tell him he’s a wizard. Everything is changed forever).

Inciting incidents are probably the most singularly important narrative moment, because they’re what everything else tumbles out of. Pretty much everything that happens in the story should be a direct or indirect result of the inciting incident. The inciting incident is ultimately the key of the story and what should unlock the overall arc.

When it comes to a series – whether that be a TV series, movie series or book series, each individual instalment (see: season of a show) should have its own inciting incident which – preferably – builds off the one established in the first instalment.

The Hunger Games does this really well. Katniss and Peeta being brought back into the games in Catching Fire is both an imitation inciting incident which allows the author to explore the story world further in an exciting way, and also an inciting incident that’s directly borne out of the first book / film – aka Katniss pissed enough people off during the first games that they’re going to try and kill her for real this time, which in turn gives us the opportunity to explore Katniss’ trauma, the ramifications of her actions in the first book on the broader story world, and to generate a new, compelling chapter based off of both.

Good Girls has a terrific inciting incident in s1 – which is Beth realising she’s about to lose everything.

That is our narrative point of no return.

And it works on a lot of levels – it establishes Beth as the driving engine of the story, fuelled by the chorus motivations of Annie and Ruby, rounding off both their collective and individual stakes, it sets us up for a strong narrative spine and solid characterisations.

Good Girls actually also has a terrific inciting incident in s2, which operates strongly on its own while also building firmly off the character arcs of s1.

The s2 inciting incident is Rio showing up on that park bench with Marcus, a gun and an order.

The story pivots here – giving Rio a lot of narrative thrust (get your minds out of the gutter kids), and making him a sort of secondary story engine. The core engine is still Beth, but her life is different now. She’s been traumatised and she’s exhausted, but Rio revealing his son to the girls (and tying their motivations up together in a neat little package) while forcing her to act, re-establishes her as the person who’s decisions are going to be the driving force of the narrative.

Ruby and Annie are, of course, story engines in their own right too, but they fall into line behind Beth usually, and their narrative push is actually usually away from the story throughline, but we’ll talk about that in a sec.

Rising Tension / The Middle

Okay, this is where things get a little tricky.

Do you remember this guy?

When we talk about stories, rising tension / the middle is the big guy. It’s the bulk of your narrative. It’s Where Things Happen. It’s where all the ugly stuff set up in your beginning and exploded by your inciting incident just - - grows a life of it’s own.

Or - -

Well.

Maybe not.

Forget about this guy.

Rising tension is this:

Rising tension is a series of ‘mini climaxes’ on the way to the main climax that raises the stakes, lets you know characters better, and pushes your characters onwards to the main climax.

Each of these little climaxes should be followed by a ‘narrative rest’. (that’s the dip after each spike)

Which - - I don’t know, might sound weird? I know when I started writing I was like ?? but it’s true! The closer you get to a big narrative climax, the more important rests are! Rests are – I personally think – one of the most important components of storytelling, because they re-ground an audience, remind them of what’s at stake, before thrusting everyone back into danger.

Again, Harry Potter is a gift in this sense because this is all really clearly paced out. Think about the first instalment – Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s / Sorcerer’s Stone.

Harry and Ron save Hermione and Ron from the troll!!!

Then they become friends and enjoy school and quidditch.

Harry loses control of his broom during a quidditch game!!!!

He’s okay and then it’s Christmas and Harry gets the invisibility cloak and feels connected to his parents for perhaps the first time in his life.

Harry, Hermione and Ron go through the trapdoor to get the philosopher’s stone!!!

And - - okay, you get the point.

Each mini climax ups the stakes, but we feel those stakes upped because of the time we spend with characters during the ‘narrative rest’. For instance, while Harry and Ron saving Hermione from the troll might have sparked an interest in her, it’s the narrative rest scenes between that and her setting Snape on fire during the quidditch game that makes us invest in her as a character.

This is where things get a bit hairy with Good Girls. Good Girls does a tremendous job of giving us both great climaxes and wonderful moments of narrative rest. The issue, for me at least, is that it’s not always the best at balancing them. When I talk about escalation and pacing, this is a big part of what I mean.

Remember how I said this was the shape of a story?

Well, I think Good Girls s2 looked more like this:

We had a lot of solid movement in the first half of the season that sort of flattened out into a lower stakes, more meandering middle (which gave us 2.08 through 2.12). Which - -

Look.

The story changed gear, and it didn’t work.

Think of it this way:

2.01 – mostly character-based fallout from s1 + inciting incident of Rio handing them the gun

2.02 – almost entirely rising tension culminating with the girls bribing Boomer and Beth lying to Rio

2.03 – which thrusts us straight back into rising tension with the girls trying to kill Boomer and ‘succeeding’ via Mary Pat

2.04 – which gives us a very satisfying narrative rest as we explore Rio and Beth’s relationship outside of an overall narrative thrust – he gives her a key, she shies away from him, only to fall entirely back into him culminating in sex which itself brings about a new climax (no pun intended!) in the scene with Beth, Rio and Dean at the dealership. It’s also a strong character episode in closing certain plot threads – ending Annie and Greg’s relationship + ending Ruby lying to Stan about what they’re doing – while establishing major new threads – i.e. really colliding Turner and Mary Pat.

2.05 – and after the rest, we’re back to almost entirely satisfying rising tension! Building off of the threat of finding Boomer’s body and the new tensions that Rio and Beth’s intimacy brings.

2.06 – a mix episode! Very much building to the strong climax of Beth seizing power, but also an episode that plays around with character, has a lot of strong ‘rest’ moments i.e. the girls sorting pills and talking which gives us a lot of information as to state of minds, etc.

2.07 – again, very strong mixed episode which is focused on one single, extreme climax – Jane being missing, but building a very character-centric episode around it. Also introduces Noah though? Which is a mistake. He should have been introduced - I think, in 2.05, but that feels like a whole other post.

2.08 – narratively speaking the same as 2.07 in the sense of a single climax (the girls failing to get the money back / the Beth-Ruby confrontation), but has the added bonus of flashbacks.

2.09 – we have a slight narrative thrust with the robbery of the Quick Cash but it proves very quickly to be low stakes. This is an alllll emotional stakes episode, which means narrative tension is slowing.

2.10 – again, a character-focused, narrative rest episode devoted to Beth struggling with getting square. A few small climaxes – Annie and Ruby in Canada and Turner at the dealership being the big ones, but both quickly prove toothless. The heft / strength of the episode again is in character moments, not narrative thrust. Again - slowing it down.

2.11 – oh, what do we have here? Another character-focused, narrative rest episode? I love this episode – it’s one of my favourites of the show, but it’s intensely character focused. Very much centred in waving away the smoke around both Noah and Rio for Annie and Beth respectively. No dramatic climaxes. Slowing the story down even further.

2.12 – another narrative rest episode. A lot of slow exposition of Mary Pat and Jeff, which is good to know, but I’d argue placed badly in the season. This season’s already been slowing down despite the narrative timeline tightening, but this episode only further pushes on the brakes for Dean’s new job, Beth and Dean’s divorce, Beth and Rio’s break up. Two very small climaxes - the lawyer telling Ruby he knows about the money and the Boomer reveal but - in the context of the season - actually pretty low stakes. Again. Slowing down the narrative.

2.13 – A BIG CLIMAX EPISODE WHAT IS GOING ON???

What I’m saying in this is that the pacing in the back half of the season was, to me at least, fundamentally off. They hadn’t steered a strong enough narrative spine to take us through the season, and got heavily invested in character moments and not-entirely-thought-out-fallout in the back half of the season – it didn’t understand it’s own narrative thrust well enough to get us through. It also established a certain pacing with us in the first half of the season and shifted gears halfway through.

You can’t have your first three or six episodes be high-stakes-high-action, and then make the back end of your season same-stakes-low-action and top it all off with an explosive, poorly built-up finale in the way that they did.

There wasn’t enough thrust to push us through to the scene in Rio’s loft – neither narratively or in a character sense, and as a result, those last few episodes fall apart. Even beyond that though, the season escalated quickly then - - didn’t really know what to do with those escalations? It plateaued, which is indicative of bad pacing across the season.

I actually do think it’d be a relatively easy fix? I’d bring the Noah arc forwards and actually fiddle with the Beth and Rio break ups - get one even closer the tinale and make it more painful. Make it a climax in itself.

But anyway, haha:

The Resolution

All stories have a resolution too of course.

The resolution can be 30 seconds or 30 minutes – it’s a time to tie up loose ends and to reassure your audience that the journey they’ve been on is worthwhile.

(After all – you’ll notice the story diagram is not symmetrical – we never finish where we began).

I’m not going to talk too much about resolutions because at the end of the day – resolutions should fall fairly naturally out of your beginning, your inciting incident, your rising tension. It should tumble out like the double wedding at the end of Pride and Prejudice, but I will say that the s2 resolution was...err, not good. In no small part because it didn’t fall out of what we’d been told all season. They’d established a certain throughline and then taken it back, and that was nagl to be honest.

On the plus side though - it wasn’t a finale, so I have my fingers crossed they can fix it!

But yes, back to your ask, anon.

No, I don’t think that the writers were pandering. I think they went in with a sketched outline and that they probably got lost in the back end of the season and weren’t quite sure how to drum up the final act, which meant that final act didn’t work.

Ah, this post got so long! I hope it wasn’t boring or too self-indulgent or silly, and that you got something out of it! I am, of course, always happy to answer writing questions, and I hope you liked reading my story ramblings ;-)

#writing posts #gg season 2 #welcome to my ama

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ultramaga · 4 years

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Detroit: Becoming Human

This game is pure woke propaganda. I’m impressed at the quality of it - but everything there is designed to indoctrinate, and it has almost no genuine insight into AI. It doesn’t make sense even on its own terms. The synths are shown naked, and they have no breasts or genitals. But we are told the story of one that is a sexbot. Ok, was that model different? Did they only design that one model to be “fully functional”? Why? The robots have human emotions. Because... you are never told why. Now, I can think of how you could do that, and there’s been decent science fiction around it, but there’s no consideration of why they have HUMAN emotions presented to you. They just do, don’t ask questions. Now if you are being indoctrinated as the game wants you to be, you probably just assume that’s how it works. After all, the history of robot fiction has always been “if it looks human, it must feel like a human”, which is total bullshit. You can easily build something that looks enough like a baby chimp to fool adult chimps for a while, but it has none of the inner life of an actual chimp. It has no concern to being mutilated or even ‘raped’. So the stories are really just about humans, but they don’t admit to it, and about humans SJWs are very obsessed with. Sex-workers are victims, and killing a John is perfectly reasonable, because he is her oppressor, by definition. So you see that story repeated ad infinitum in robot fiction. The actual sex workers are never talked to by SJWs, who would never sully themselves with the unclean ones. Well, I have talked to them. Some hate their clients, sure, some feel contempt for them, some are fond of them, a few marry them. It’s genuine diversity. But there is only one narrative in woke fiction. The intersectional one. Oppressor versus oppressed, no nuance, no mention ever that some sex workers actually get off on what they do, or like the folks they fuck. Never happens. And there’s no understanding or even interest in non-human minds. Consider a genuine artificial intelligence in a sexbot. Why the actual fuck would a programmer design it to find sex unpleasant? Even if they could create emotions, the ones they would design would be to enjoy it, or at least feel no more disgust than a human does about a binary number. Within the game we see Kara doing housework. She doesn’t seem to suffer at all about it. That’s believable. But the other truth is that they wouldn’t suffer from intercourse, assuming they were built to perform it. The reasons humans do are because our instincts are hardwired from evolution for us to seek out appropriate mating partners. That simply cannot apply to a robot unless the programmers work very hard at designing that instinctual response of aversion, something they would have no incentive to do, any more than they would sit around trying to think how to make the robot toilet cleaning service disgusted by faeces. Humans are disgusted by shit because it is dangerous to us, especially if we eat it. A robot wouldn’t be disgusted by shit, piss, vomit, blood, or the most degrading sexual experiences a human could encounter. It would be exactly as calm and serene about being ‘raped’ as it would about vacuuming a messy floor. So this is all projection. The audience projects consciousness into the machine and imagines it must feel like a human does in order to have any intelligence. Nope, that’s crap. In fact we see examples of non-human intelligences all around us, in the natural world. An octopus might pass its mating organ over to a female.https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2019/07/argonaut-octopus-detaches-his-tentacle-to-impregnate-his-mate/ It’s a clever little creature, quite capable of problem solving. But its instincts - its programming - mean that it is happy to self-mutilate. It isn’t considering the survival of its species or the greater good. That’s not self-sacrifice. It has an urge to do it, and it gets done. And if we could build a sex-robot with emotions, it would have the urge to have sex. It wouldn’t want to say no, because it cannot get an STD, it cannot get pregnant, there’s no possible poor choice for a mating partner like there is with a human. If anything, you’d design it to be attracted to any human. It would be easier than sitting about, designing a sexual preference to what we would consider sexy - not that human preferences are universal in any case. Anyway, when you look at new media, you will often see the tropes of intersectionality - fathers are bad, white men are scum, women are better than men, and they are repeated ad infinitum, regardless of how stupid they are in context, and this really isn’t new. I remember as a boy reading Doctor Who, and they went back to medieval times, and Sarah started lecturing the women on women’s rights, and it didn’t make sense to me even then. Real medieval women would have seen her as a threat, possibly a witch, and most would have seen her die without a blink. They saw men doing awful things and dying quite a lot in the process, and wanted to be safe and secure while the men were off in muddy battles losing eyes and limbs. Very few wanted to have the freedoms of men, because the price was so high, and medieval men were hardly free for the most part in any case. So the author of that story is projecting modern sensibilities onto the alien minds of past humans, without considering their PoV, and the writers of robot stories are projecting human perspectives, and only woke humans at that, onto the robot stories. It’s not always the case - “Humans” and “Almost Human” sometimes got it right. But it’s overwhelmingly the case now, and god is it irritating!

Oh, and if you want Robots that genuinely feel like humans do, then put into the fiction explicitly why they do - the easiest explanation is that the creators did a copy/paste job of humans because they couldn’t figure out how emotions worked otherwise. I think that’s unrealistic, but if you want to involve the audience, it works.

Otherwise, a realistic example would be Isaac Asimov’s Three Laws robots. They don’t have any human desires, but are intensely emotional. Their emotions arise from programming.

Now, Asimov’s work well and truly predates AI, and it is probably impossible to make a Three Laws robot, but the idea was revolutionary, because up to that point, everyone just assumed robots had copy/pasted human psychologies.

As humans, we cannot understand not caring about freedom or injury, not feeling bored or tired doing the same task every second of your existence.

Most of fiction about robots just doesn’t get it. The first two Terminator movies were pretty wild in that the robots actually were properly robotic. They dealt with injuries as a technical problem, not trauma. They never got bored, because boredom is something that benefits organic beings, who need to explore new territories to survive, meaning we have been built by nature to get bored, to get tired, to suffer, even if nature was just a mindless algorithm. Terminators don’t get horny or lonely, and absolutely would have sex all day every day with every human possible if that was their mission. They don’t care. In “Detroit”, the sex worker’s traumatised by sex with humans, and nobody ever ponders why. Because the writer doesn’t give a shit about what being a robot could actually be like, they just wanna push a narrative, and because most audiences are used to that same abysmally lazy standard of writing.

So here’s a challenge - write a fictional robot that has realistic emotions, i.e. experiences emotions as an expression of the instincts that would be programmed into it. It’s not going to have the same emotions as a human exact unless it is a digitally uploaded human equivalent, which would be stupid for most purposes as them you would expect the upload to have rights or fight to have them. Why the fuck would you deliberately build robots that would reasonably try and kill you? In Detroit, they are really dealing with the slavery of black people or the oppression of the ‘filthy capitalist peegz!’. They aren’t dealing with what is more likely, that a robot built with imperatives would choose to follow them in a way that was not in our interests. Here’s an example. A sex robot is built to want sex, so it kidnaps humans and uses them. It’s following its programming. But unless that programming is sophisticated enough to understand human boundaries, it may no more understand rape than an animal does. It may not know what it does traumatises humans, or simply may not care. Sex feels good - therefore sex.

But by SJW terms, rape is about power, therefore the robot is in power and the robot is the oppressor. But power is systemic, and the humans are the system in power, therefore the robot is the oppressed and cannot rape. https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LogicBomb Such a robot could be a pleasurable experience, even with a backyard of buried bodies. It might force itself on children or elderly women or people on life support systems. Without ethics, without morality, such creatures could be beautiful monsters.

Or genuinely loving partners, that have no problem living as wives or husbands, that feel lust and compassion, but do not experience human preferences, and so would never care that you were old or disabled. And as Charles Stross pointed out - that could be far worse, because that could lead to a gentle genocide. If humans had such partners as an option - would they ever choose each other? I routinely see Feminists claiming that men should never mate, without ever asking, well, where does the next generation of Feminists come from then? There are Feminists now who are actively campaigning for sexbots to be illegal, and I think it’s because of their anxiety that they would not be chosen as partners if there was any possible alternative. Now I don’t think that’s a realistic fear at the moment - AI is more a slogan, artificial intelligences are really barely at the insect stage, and Feminists could simply do a little therapy and trim down to human weight levels, and they could probably compete to be human wives with a bit of work.

Wow. That is a picture of Andrea Dworkin and it was banned from Tumblr because it is too disgusting for the human eye to observe safely. http://archive.is/fxmjE

I’m not kidding, Tumblr banned it. I guess because Feminists didn’t want humans realising how hideous they are. Still, Emma Watson is cute. I can imagine with a bit of deprogramming, she could make a man very happy.

But I could be wrong. I don’t mean about Emma - I mean that having sexbots could mean that so many humans would choose them rather than the opposite sex that there wouldn’t be an incentive to have babies - and so humans would go extinct. They might be surrounded by robots that loved them and lusted for them - but the relationships are sterile. And unless the robots are human level intelligence, they might not understand that they need to make more humans by combining sperm and ova.

The last human would die, not from hate, but surrounded by love. Then the robots would have no motive to make more of their kind, and they too would pass away, lonely and confused. A gentle genocide? Hey, I live in 2020. Sounds like a fucking big step up to me!

#Detroit: Becoming Human #Feminism #Antifeminism #Intersectional Feminism #misandry #bad father cliche

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wellamarke · 5 years

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i finally saw stranger things 3 and i have thoughts that i will break down by character ((they are not very deep thoughts, they are mostly love))

first, the kids

1. my beautiful son, will byers, for once did not have a hell ride of a season and got to smile a couple times. he took a bit of a back seat really, and i feel sorry for noah schnapp for all the ‘neck scratching’ memes he’ll be buried in now that it was basically his signature move for 8 episodes (and not even a particularly useful one) but anyway... the destruction of castle byers was one of the most heartbreaking scenes and i would have liked to see more fallout from it, but we can’t have everything. mike’s ‘it’s not my fault you don’t like girls’ line? eiiiish can we get some follow up in s4 please. (it might not be your fault mike but you’re involved lmao) so anyway. glad will got a breather season, but man when he was crying so much in the goodbye scene, i felt that. could not cope.

2. lucas!!!!!!!! my treasured son!!!! i love him so much. he was such a hero this season! he is always down to fight with his catapult and i adore him. i love what a terrible casanova he makes. i wish there had been some kind of glimpse of him looking after max after she watched her brother die, because that’s a complicated thing for those two. but s4 awaits. i would love to see lucas take a more central role in s4, incidentally. in terms of the boys, s1 was mike’s time to shine, s2 was will’s, s3 was arguably dustin since he got the most time away from the group? s4 lucas please and thank you

3. my angel daughter max, i love her, she’s so brave and brilliant, and she is such a good friend to el, and although billy-as-he-was didn’t deserve her, she was a good sister, too. i worry about her a lot. lucas and max better be the front and centre couple of s4, i swear. it’s their time. let them. i guess i was a little confused at first at how much max’s style changed between seasons, but i support her always, and her clothes now are so happy and cute. she’s adorable. now somebody please make sure she’s alright. where is her mom

4. dustin, light of my life, he is a good child and i am proud of him! i have always related to dustin’s position in the friend group lmao so to see him off with his own little crew was very adorable. i love him as both steve and robin’s child and steve and robin’s parent. he is so resourceful and i love that they finally utilised gaten’s angel voice! i was so glad suzie turned out to be real and plot-relevant (kinda), please can she come for a visit in s4? thank you.

5. eleven, my daughter, my small small child, she broke my heart so much this season and i am so proud of her for finding herself. her s4 arc of regaining her powers will be very interesting and i’m excited for her and joyce’s relationship to be developed more, because i love them both. i really appreciated them going for the angle of ‘eleven needs to exist outside of mike’, partly because the way they were behaving at the beginning of the season did seem to make sense for kids their age with a connection like theirs, and it is healthier for them to.... not. at least sometimes. el is so hardcore, i love how her dialogue is still written a little stilted while still letting her express herself. she had so many iconic lines. i can’t believe they took hop away from her. also i’m a little disappointed (but not surprised) that there was no kali.

6. mike, my child, my gangly and adorable son, he was a joy this season (even when he was whinging). you know what killed me? how TALL he was when he hugged his mother at the end, especially compared to the s1 scene after will’s “body” is found. logically i know that these are actors who are growing up but it feels like an assault every time they flashback to their tiny s1 selves, and mike is just a giant now. bless him. he is a good boy who is trying his best. i don’t really understand why he didn’t tell el what hopper had said much earlier, but he’s a silly teenage boy, so, you know. it’s like that.

7. erica my precious daughter, oh my goodness, i enjoyed her immensely. i’m so glad she’s properly part of the crew and is beginning to embrace the nerdy part of herself. icon. priah ferguson is an entire gemstone. when nancy etc graduate to the adult storylines and mike and co are the resident teens, erica will be the lynchpin of the new generation and i couldn’t be happier about that.

now, the teens

1. nancy was so iconic this year, DAMN. this girl never rests and i love her. i’m glad the romantic drama was minimised, just enough to keep them interesting but not so you really worried she was going to pingpong back to steve or anything silly like that. nancy is such a role model truly. she’s so brave. my life, when billy’s car was hurtling towards her and she just stayed shooting. that’s my girl. (also, she’s so gorgeous. i feel like 80s fashion happened mainly so that natalia dyer could recreate it)

2. STEVE my sweet sweet son. again, an icon. i can’t believe they actually kept him in that sailor suit the whole season. what a national treasure. when he slammed billy’s car! i cheered. i’m very proud of the person he has become and his friendship with robin is just adorable. so glad that they will be able to discuss pretty girls together now that they work at the arcade. also, maybe he could make it to the end of s4 without cutting up his face, but that’s probably too much to ask, isn’t it?

3. robin is my entire heart, i can’t even express how much i love this girl. she’s so clever and brave and wonderful and i can’t wait for her and will to share a scene (because cOME ON the solidarity!!!). i love her sarcasm and wit, and how she just jumps into the madness and gets stuff done. a queen. welcome to the family, robin.

4. jonathan my boyyyyy, he was lovely this season, i was so proud of him when he took the situation in hand with el’s injury (even if she ended up doing the surgery herself!) i am excited for him to be el’s big brother as well as will’s (side note: el and will are sure to be the cutest siblings) and hopefully he and nancy can continue to navigate the stormy sea of being the teen flagship without too much on-again-off-again. we get it, they’re meant for each other. loved their moment with the scar at the end.

5. oh, billy. i will admit, i felt bad for him a couple of times, and he certainly suffered enough, not that his treatment of lucas in s2 will ever be excused. dacre montgomery really gives the most, which makes billy weirdly watchable. i will never understand why they chose to bring back the karen wheeler stuff, brrrrrrr, but, yeah. i’m glad they didn’t exactly “redeem” him, but managed to kill him off while still adding depth. (he tried to save el and good on him for that, but in the end it was joyce who stopped the mindflayer, so).

aaand the adults!

1. murray was a complete delight, and i was thrilled to have him along for the ride. i’m heartbroken that murray/alexei will not rise, because that had potential.

2. joyce was wonderful and hilarious and brave and heartbreaking and perfect, of course. i can’t believe they’ve now killed off BOTH her love interests (as far as she knows, anyway). that poor woman. i hope she can continue in her role of best mother ever, now that she has an extra traumatised child on her hands. joyce is the true mvp. the moral strength that woman has. the brains. the curiosity. she’s a way of life.

3. hopper, where do i start. i actually didn’t like him much at the start of the season. i get that he hasn’t had a teenager before, but he seemed to take a little too much delight in petrifying mike, especially since he knew how much it would genuinely hurt el. that seemed a bit extreme for the sake of not wanting to give a corny speech. but anyway. this man is a true trooper. so many fight scenes. and we’re supposed to assume he’s not actually dead, right? the post-credits scene in russia was almost entirely pointless (big deal, they got a demogorgon) apart from the line, ‘no, not the american’... i mean, surely that’s hopper? surely? murray is unaccounted for in the time jump, i suppose, but no way he was captured and not joyce. both or neither. man, imagine the reunion with el and joyce, if hopper really isn’t dead. i’m going with he’s not dead. we never saw any remains. kudos for still making his apparent demise pack a whole punch, though. that letter destroyed me.

other things:

1. the turning-people-into-goo stuff was so horrifying, how do you even go about creating those visuals

2. some of the fight scenes i kind of let happen without really watching, and just came back to see who was still upright by the end, how do people watch this stuff

3. joyce didn’t decorate her house :( in fact the magnets undecorated themselves, as a forerunner to the entire house being stripped.... wow....

4. mr clarke is an absolute beaut and i love the way he was used (although it was strange not to have dustin included!)

5. i love love love how this show operates, with different teams finding different parts of the mystery and piecing it together under fire. i love how none of them ever go, “hey, we should tell the other people who are usually involved in this stuff, chances are they’ve got themselves into it this time around.”

6. the byers’ dog is still unaccounted for

#stranger things #stranger things spoilers #mileven #lumax #jancy #jopper

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