#Yoonbumxseungbae

[coffyao]

if brown leaves could be saved part 2.

“Hey.”

Ah.

It was yet another monotonous day, and it was the time that Yoonbum usually dreaded the most, lunch.

He disliked it because he never had an appetite, nor did he have anyone he could share his thoughts with, perhaps over a bowl of kimchi jjigae, or even a side dish of nori seaweed.

Everyone avoided him and his teachers merely tolerated him.

But someone talked to him yesterday.

And it wasn’t forced because they had to take part in a group project.

And their words weren’t unbearably doused in honey because they wanted a favour from him.

They treated him like an everyday nobody.

 But maybe special.

And that was…

“…s-seungbae, was it?”

And because of him, he was in the mood to eat, despite being in an obnoxiously loud environment, where certain types of gossip were spewed, and the tables being so close together even while being isolated at the end of the lunch hall, made him uncomfortable.

Seungbae sat down opposite him and opened a rectangular lunchbox, containing steamed white rice, with an egg on top and sticky tteokbokki next to it. It was simplistic yet very filling.

He liked analysing people by looking at the type of food they ate because he believed it revealed a lot about them.

“…um, who made your food for you?”

Seungbae took a piece of tteokbokki in thought, and said, “I made it myself.”

Not unexpected. He seems independent.

“I see.”

Yoonbum continued picking at his food. Now that he was here, having a conversation with someone, he didn’t know what he wanted to try eating first.

So, he decided to ask more probing questions.

“…but don’t your parents make it for you?”

“Uh, well,” as Seungbae used his fork to entangle it with soya-covered noodles.

“...don’t worry about that,” Seungbae finally said and slurped them awkwardly.

“o-oh.”

I pried too much.

Yoonbum knew he was socially awkward, but he tended to overstep boundaries when he became overly curious, maybe a little too excited. But when he wanted to know someone, the normalcy of those feelings would transition into something beyond abnormal, uncontrollable even.

And when they stepped away; he stepped forward, despite how painful it was.

And this situation wasn’t an exception to that rule.

“…s-so, is it something you don’t want to talk about then?”

“…no, not particularly.”

But I want to know.

However, yoonbum didn’t want to possibly ruin the early start of a friendship and…

Wait.

“…h-have you not made any friends here yet?”

Usually, when there is a new student in class, an inquisitive air starts to surround the room, as the robotic school routine temporarily becomes forgotten and newfound excitement starts to boil over this new person, and no matter what they looked like, there was always, always potential.

And whether that was being the class jester, the next target for bullying, or a nicely slotted coin to fit in with the rest, was callously decided within the next few minutes of superficial conversation.

But Yoonbum didn’t have the chance to witness much of it, as his never-ending insomnia caught up to him, and he could barely keep his eyes open for most of the day.

He had to find out why he even had company in the first place.

“… I wouldn’t say it's that, everyone seems nice enough here so far.”

Then Seungbae took a spoonful of rice and egg, putting it into his mouth.

“But you seemed the nicest, so I wanted to have my lunch with you.”

Nicest?

Upon many others' first impressions of him, he was often described as ‘nice’, but that word had many connotations, and it almost always implicitly included pushover, doormat, or at worst, a snack delivery boy.

“Your so nice.”

Usually led to,

“Can you bring me…”

And,

“You said you would do x and x.”

But when Seungbae said it, he didn’t hate it.

At least…not for now.

“I see,” yoonbum said, and he finally picked something from his tray of food.

It tastes cold.

----

#yang seungbae #killing stalking #killing me softly #yoonbumxseungbae #yoon bum #a03 link #ao3 #ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #a03 fic #seungbum

[coffyao]

if brown leaves could be saved

Summary:

_______ an alternate universe where a young seungbae is transferred to yoonbum's high school for unknown reasons. and from there, do they start getting to know each other, but not without the emotions that start to rise, and the loneliness that they realise they might have in common in.

link to my A03:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/52761079/chapters/133446979

“Introduce yourself to the class.”

He took the piece of chalk from the teacher's desk and started writing down his name on the chalkboard.

Once he finished, he moved away to the side and straightened his posture, his hands clamped a little too tightly, and his pupils, darting everywhere except for the classroom that was right in front of him.

His perfectionist ways were obvious, as his pens were neatly tucked away in his blazer pocket, and his school tie was perfectly aligned.

But the braces that poke through his teeth, and the glasses that he wore along with it was a dead giveaway that he was a square.

But when he finally spoke up, his voice had erased any pre-conceived notion that was thought of him, the sincerity in him truly shining through.

 “My name is Yang Seungbae.”

Yang Seungbae.

He was then allocated to a seat with another student at the front, a seat befitting for someone like him. He was most likely someone studious and did his homework as soon as it was assigned.

Yoonbum laid his head on the desk and tuned himself out to the rest of the class.

________________

Once he woke up, the class was mostly sparse, where the usual dim sunlight poked through his heavy eyelids and his chest aroused with existential dread.

He quickly gathered the workbooks on his desk and shoved them into his backpack, leaving the classroom altogether and going somewhere where he could peacefully stew in his thoughts.

He goes into the library, the middle-ground location that was a bore for the popular cliques; but a hotspot for people who aspired to be someone one day.

But he was neither.

He didn’t how to talk to people, and he had no clue what kind of person he wanted to be.

He just liked the library because of the quietude within it, along with having a good number of books that provided a distraction for his fractured mind.

But it also helped his reputation, because at least his classmates could chalk up his antisocial tendencies to being a pompous bookworm, rather than being a useless outcast.

He walked into one of the aisles at the end, where most of its shelves contained fiction books, but he had only one genre in mind and one only.

A tragic romance.

When he picked up Anna Karenina a few months ago, a decision made on a whim, he fell in love with the book's heroine, and her morally questionable decisions.

But once he managed to finish it, he couldn’t shake off the emptiness that started to consume his heart once again, so he had to fill the void.

He started pulling out a few books at once, flicking through a few pages of them before putting them back, dissatisfaction running through his mind.

However, he decided to continue his search diligently, gathering a handful before sitting down on the floor and crossing his legs.

As he started going through the books again, his hyper-focus was pulled away by a voice with a prominent lisp.

“…sorry to bother you.”

Looking up, Yoonbum recognized him, his lambent eyes piercing through his own and needlessly apologetic in his tone, even with the flustered look on his face.

its Seungbae again.

“I’m looking for a book on law enforcement…but I can’t find it here for some reason.”

Yoonbum puts his books to the side.

“Why didn’t you ask the librarian?”

Seungbae looked down, stuffing his hands inside his blazer pockets.

“I wanted to find it myself.”

…That’s silly.

Yoonbum stands up and points his finger toward the far-left side, his least favorite part of the library but likely had the book Seungbae needed.

“If you go there, that’s where they keep the non-fiction section.”

He needed to quickly go back to book-searching. This was taking too much of his time.

“Ah damn, I’m such an idiot. I didn’t even think to look there.”

Seungbae then held out his hand, the relief on his face apparent by the grin on his face, radiant and yet another indicator that he is everything that Yoonbum isn’t.

Yoonbum tentatively puts his hand on his, and Seungbae gives it one strong shake.

“Thank you.”

Seungbae walks past and then suddenly stops, his eyes once again focused on him.

“…I’m new by the way. you’re in my class, right? What’s your name?”

Yoonbum hated this question because once it was asked, it would mean he and the other person would form some type of relationship. It also meant there was a potential they would become close, but it would come at the expense of hiding the worst parts of himself.

“…it's y-yoonbum.”

And that includes his desire to want to keep them for himself.

#killing stalking #killing me softly #yang seungbae #yoon bum #a03 fic #fanfiction #ao3 #yoonbumxseungbae #a03 link #ao3 fanfic #seungbum

[coffyao]

it's just a "date" final.

___

"...I thought we were still roleplaying," seungbae said, leaning back into his chair. If he thought about it properly, it technically made sense. He was still playing the role of a woman, he just happened to be more rumbustious than most of them. He wasn't...attracted to seungbae. He looked nice, sure, and he might of smelt like his favourite scent, cedarwood. His clean-shaven look also wasn't half-bad, and he'd grow fond of his daily presence, despite his moodiness. "course, course we are," lee hesitated, turning his head slightly to avoid seungbae's intense eyes. This is just roleplay. roleplay... "It's just going to be more immersive."   "immersive, huh..." seungbae muttered, fixing his gaze towards lee's neck, steadily moving it to his chest, to the inches of his waist-line.

an irritated grin reappears on his face, much like the one's lee has seen before when seungbae was incredibly stressed, but the motive behind it becomes clear when seungbae lunges forward, and their wine glasses nearly topple, their lips dangerously close from touching.

"now, what will you do..." seungbae whispered, his crude intention at the forefront, subtle yet cruelly direct.

there was no room for uncertainty, and that turned lee on.

what will I...

but his indecision is overridden as soon as seungbae pulls back and lee finds himself on the lips of his own colleague, his hands wringing at the collar of his shirt. what happens next overwhelms lee's senses, as their plates and cutlery are knocked over, and he was on top of seungbae's own table. lee yanks his trench-coat off, getting straight into unbuttoning his shirt, as seungbae unbuttons his and once lee's skin was freed, seungbae presses his mouth on lee's nape, suckling it with his tongue.

"haha, slow down a little..." lee said unconvincingly, prompting seungbae to put his arms around lee's thighs, pulling them towards his own groin. 

never mind.

with the heat arising from the agonizing sucks and frictional grinding, he pushed his hand on seungbae's chest.

"I-I'm going to need more than this..."

He might of been on the bottoming side this time around, but he wasn't going to allow himself to say anything too embarrassing. 

seungbae swiftly removed the rest of lee's attire, leaving him bare whilst he unzipped his trouser, pulling out his erection. 

fuck I'm really having sex with a man.

as dread from that realization started to set in, seungbae moved closer, caressing each fingertip along lee's legs, and says, "its okay, right?"

although being courteous might not of been seungbae's forte, he sure knew how to be seductive. 

"...fine. it's fine." lee said, wrapping both of his arms around seungbae's neck.

"I want you to do as you please."

clasping his tight hands between lee's knees, seungbae roughly opened his legs wide, angling his pelvis until his dick pressed against lee's entrance, and he asked again, "...you still want me to?"

"for fuck...yes, yes," lee muttered, inching his waist, trying to abstain himself from not telling seungbae to just fuck him and get it over with. 

"and do it fast."

receiving the go-ahead, seungbae mounts lee's singular leg up on his shoulder and pounds into him, and before lee could anticipate it, pounds into him again in one strong and quick thrust, throwing his head back on how unexpectedly good he just felt, his voice on complete stand-by until seungbae continues his merciless thrusting, each harder than the next.

lee could no longer contain his cool, as his throat draws out in long and guttural groans, and he latches at a tuft of seungbae's hair, pulling it as much as he could.

"d-damn it, thrust harder!" he croaked before letting himself slip into more incomprehensible moans, his head on the verge of exploding as they become intertwined, wet slaps of the skin reminding him that he was at seungbae's mercy, a reckless man who didn't stop until he wanted to.

once the thrusts became too deep, lees body jolted awake, becoming victim to insurmountable waves of pleasure, his eyes rolled back, and feet curled until they hurt. once he came to, seungbae slumped against lee's shoulder, falling victim to the same thing.

__

haphazardly leaving his shirt half-open, lee throws his coat on, barely covering the marks that were left on his clavicle.

"don't tell me your leaving like that..." seungbae said, the nervousness in his voice apparent.

"relax, my car is 30 seconds away from your apartment," lee said, but softened his tone once he saw seungbae's genuine worry, "...I'll make sure I'm quick." 

unlatching the locks and opening the door, he started to remember the blind date arrangement that he made, promising the woman that she would meet a man with virtuous morals, a stickler with a heart of gold, and would ultimate doing right by her in the end.

But now that he did what he did with seungbae, and he can't fathom why, his guilt compounded him, and he felt the need to make apparitions.

"seungbae-"

"it's better if you cancel the blind date right away."

seungbae looked down, uncomfortably shifting in his feet.

"...it wouldn't be right."

lee slowly nodded, his throat incredibly dry from the fact that he will have to find a appropriate excuse. any excuse. he couldn't tell her.

"I'll let her know," he finally said, and closed the door.

#killing stalking #killing me softly #yang seungbae #yoonbumxseungbae #a03 link #a03 fic #ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #yoon bum #ao3 #killingstalkingfanfic #detective lee #smut

[coffyao]

poison couldn't be anymore attractive final.

They pull out a flask from their pocket, shaking the content vigorously before opening it. They take a few sips from it then close it again.

“aren’t you cold?”

They shake their head and look out into the distance. The majority of the streets were empty, where the likelihood of serious crime increased, and the darkness would swallow rather than invite. But when he quietly observed them, they didn’t seem intimidated or intrigued about that darkness. They were indifferent to it, like they had been there many times.

“are you curious?” They say, still looking forwards.

“…huh?”

They turn towards seungbae, where their silhouette and face was shone by the pale yellow streetlight above them. Their mascara was messily smudged while their lipstick seemed to be left alone, scarlet red but worn down after the events of tonight.

“There's nothing wrong with being curious, since it leads you to discovering things about yourself.”

…is that what it is?

Seungbae remains silent, and they continue, “…but it was things that you already kind of knew, but only started coming to the surface once you stopped overthinking so much, you know?”

They turn back, and bite their lip, abashed.

“..Never mind im just rambling, I usually do it when I’m nervous…” They mutter, their voice growing quieter along with the confidence they seemed to have before.

Am I making him feel uncomfortable?

“So are you…wait actually before I ask that... what is your name? just so I know."

“seungbae.”

“...i really like your name. its nice. ”

His name was relatively common, and it didn’t really harbour any special meaning, but he appreciated the compliment.

“…I appreciate that,” he finally says.

“…I’m glad. Then…can you tell me what your curious about?”

Ah.

Seungbae knew he had to answer honestly, as beating around the bush would weaken his already shaky conviction.

He rubs his neck, “…you. I think…I’m curious about you.”

Their lips twinge in slight disappointment, “…I see,” removing a single lock from their face.

“…are you disappointed by my answer?”

 “...maybe a little. But I think I should have expected it,” then they look up at him, “It comes with the role I play on stage.”

Seungbae wasn’t the type of guy to be smooth with the people he was interested in, but to have no real answer of substance beyond ‘curiosity,’ had him feel ashamed.

However, his mind also couldn’t let go of what he saw on stage.  When he thought about last night, the flashing lights no longer deterred him, and he was instead, entranced by an unbridled man that had forced the gazes of everyone on him.  All of their eyes were on him.

“…do you enjoy the role that you play on stage?”

Their eyes widen with surprise, and then they look down at the floor as if they were thoroughly processing what was said. They eventually look up with a half-hearted smile, “… there are times that I do.  Then there are times that I don’t really know…”

“…I see.”

“However, at the times that I do, I feel really, really good about myself…”

they lean their body closer.

“…but I think that’s a little bit irrelevant. You are here precisely because you liked the role that I played, don’t you?”

Ah.

Seungbae coughs and readjusts his glasses, “Ah ha- well I…”

“…or is it maybe because you loved it?”

At this point, the breeze in the air had blown away their loosely fitting gown, revealing their shoulders and in particular, their chest. It also appeared that they didn’t come in much else. Seungbae looks away, but it seemed that they had already caught on to his bashfulness, as the distance between them suddenly closes even further and their smile becomes confident once more.

“…be here again tomorrow after midnight. I’ll prepare something just for you.”

_____

Since it was a Saturday, coming here again felt far less degrading since he could at least wear a casual combination of a t-shirt and a black pair of jeans, compared to the uniform that is attributed with pride. He felt more comfortable in his skin and knowing that he would be completely alone was the final catalyst for his decision.

He stands in the same place as he did yesterday, where the air was lukewarm and the unsettling presence that came with the darkness wasn’t so suffocating anymore.

But he was unsure whether he should knock on the door, or endure yet another minute waiting until apprehension started to set in. That was the worst part for him.

The door eventually opens, and his eyes are met with two cold hands. 

“…You can’t look just yet.”

They take their hands off and replace it with a white blindfold, tying it carefully until it makes a knot. They take his arm, leading him through the smell of citrusy fragrance and plethora of powder that annoyingly sticks onto his shoes. 

They lead him back onto the stage, where it was the stage that he saw everything happen in. but it was also the stage that he was going to be on, and it was going to be the stage won't be for the eyes of anyone else. 

Except for me.

“You can sit down now.”

He sits down, and their hands slip in between his blindfold, loosening it up until it barely hangs from the back.

“… and now you can take it off.”

Seungbae peels off the blindfold, anticipation creeping up from his throat until it comes completely off, his voice stuck as his eyes rewind over and over at the sight that he couldn't believe he saw.   their waist was wrapped with a red skirt that curled tightly around their knees and their top half was covered in a matching tube top that revealed his stomach. Then their neck was accentuated with a velvet choker tied in a ribbon and their look was finally finished with a diamond anklet and clear stilettos.

They lean forward, gradually tracing one finger along his helix.

“...I think your going to enjoy this,” they mumble before pulling back and walking towards the curtains. They turn off the lights and step towards the middle, affirming their position.

 As the music begins, they crouch down until they were on their fours, smiling as they slowly creep towards him. Reaching his legs, their dainty hands travel toward his knees before pulling them apart and sliding themselves between Seungbae's thighs, where their body was dangerously close, and the sweat behind his neck increases.

They put their legs around his waist, and hands on his cheek, appearing to gauge his reaction before leaning forward, “don’t be shy. feel free to touch me if you like.”

As they grip his shoulders, they start to move their waist around in circles, where with each motion their breathing harshens and the movement of their body gradually becomes faster while their hands gain more freedom, traveling towards his back.

Ah.

“…don’t worry, I’m giving you permission.”

Seungbae gently wraps his hands around their waist, and they start to let loose as they alternate between soft and rough grinds that make the gasps harder to escape, and the desire to do a lot more inevitable.

“… ah but the question is, are you giving me permission as well?”

Permission?

“Because,” as their hands slide down further, “consent is a two-way street,” and their lips glaze his ear, “and I really, really want to know if I have yours too...”

With their open invitation, it all became too difficult to ignore and impossible not to reciprocate back.  

I’m reaching my limit.

He lets go of their waist, and instead, carefully guides their hands until they slide underneath his shirt, his skin, hot and his breathing, feverous.

They chuckle, “…I’m sorry. Are you like this because of me?”

With each finger, they move it up and down, tracing them along the hemline of his trousers before moving them upwards again, a repetitive motion that had him needing to take drastic action.

“…I think that’s adorable,” they say, their lips and face closer than ever before, the distance too easy to dismiss and the swell that grew each time they moved.

“…so what are you waiting for?”

They hold the corner of his chin.

“You can kiss me if you want…”

Ah…

Seungbae nervously leans over, where their lips are seconds away from touching, and kissing, and biting. Yet, his inclination to doubt himself and his wants often prevented him from taking the initiative.

…And when he did take the risk, it would often lead to disastrous consequences, creating more doubt in his mind.

But he also didn’t want to let this go, because he needed to see if this was real.

If I’m real.

Seungbae kisses them, his hands tightening around their waist, and his ache for more becoming so, so prominent as their lipstick smears all over their face, the equanimous disposition that they held together so carefully before, becoming undone and revealing someone who wanted it just as much as him.

They moan into the kiss, where their fingers desperately dig into his hair, and their waist moves faster, uncaring enough to notice how their dress had already unravelled and the only thing that barely held it together was his strong hold.

Are you like this because of me as well?

Seungbae could feel the pressure build, where once dull, became painfully intense and it was only so much he could take, so much he could take before he would lose it.

They pull away from the kiss, catching their breath before leaning towards his neck, indicative that they wanted to leave something behind. a searing and lasting reminder.

“...can I?”

He nods, and they press their lips onto him, making gentle pecks across the skin, but his composure was wearing and the further denial of release had him on edge.

fuck.

“hey- just…a bit more,” as the frustration leaves his mouth.

“a bit more…?” 

He hated that sentence.

It meant that he actually had to explicitly say what he wanted. Things like that never came easy to him. But pride at this point, was a waste of time.

“I need you to do it harder.”

“….do what harder?”

For fuck sake.

He gathers their hair around his fist and tightens his grip on it.

“…I’m seriously going to need you to fucking bite me.”

A slow smirk appears on their face.

“…okay.”

They put one hand around his neck, and as they gradually sink their teeth into him, they pick up the pace once again and his need to come reaches its limit.

He clenches his teeth, “h-hey I…”

“…. that’s fine seungbae.”

They sink their teeth harder and the adrenaline that rushes straight into his body makes him groan out in pain, the line between performer and participant blurring and the sense of possessiveness that he felt from their mouth and the glint that he saw when he looked back at them. it felt familiar.

 “…you can come now,” they murmur, and that sentence alone makes him quickly fall apart, his legs stiffening and his hands becoming numb as the grip on their hair becomes tighter.

--

 His body eventually calms down after a while, and he wearily lays his head against their shoulder.

“…how was the performance?” they say, their voice soft and dream-like. His head was still buzzing.

“I enjoyed it. It was…nothing I haven’t quite experienced before.”

“ …good. that’s good. im happy for you…”

Seungbae lifts his head up, “…but how about you? did you…”

Never mind.

“I think I’m rambling as well. I’ll get.."

They put their hands on his shoulders, putting a stop to his sudden movement. Maybe it was a good thing, he still felt sore.

They get up from his lap, fixing their top and pulling down their skirt. They rub the lipstick off the corner of their mouth, and then inspect their thumb closely.

“…your a really amazing kisser,” they whisper, and then they look up.

“I also enjoyed myself as well. just like you…”               

Like me?

Seungbae gets up from the seat, their eyes never breaking contact with him.

“then, is it okay if I see you again?”

their eyes widen, but then their smile turns into a frown. They fold their arms.

“…see me here? Or see me…outside of here.”

Seungbae felt his resolve finally solidify, and he knew exactly what he wanted to do. He moves closer.

“…outside. I want to get to know you. uh…”

He wasn’t good at this. he clears his throat.

“…properly that is. I know this is only our second meeting, but I want to see where this could go.”

He wanted to say that he liked them, and maybe the type of like that he had for them was a lot. but it was too soon, and he was afraid that lust was perhaps impairing his judgment.

asshole.

“…im not saying this for the sake of playing games or trying to lead you on. I really do want to.”

Their eyes travel to his phone, where the corner of it stuck out outside of his back pocket, and then they pull it out.

“…password?” they say, still looking at his phone.

“…two, three, five and one.”

They unlock the phone, and they start typing their contact details except for their name. They pass it back to him.

Seungbae reads it back to himself, and then he looks at them. Their eyes looked expectant.

Oh.

“…i should have asked this from the beginning. im sorry. your name. what is your name?”

Their gentle smile appears once more.

“...I'm glad you finally asked me. my name is..."

___

#killing stalking #yang seungbae #killing me softly #yoon bum #yoonbumxseungbae #a03 fic #a03 link #fanfiction #ao3 #ao3 fanfic #seungbum

[coffyao]

poison couldn't be anymore attractive part 2

At first, Seungbae could only make out a dark silhouette, being able to somewhat tell that their hair was long, reaching just below their waistline. However, once the curtains finally open again and they stride towards the stage, he was able to clearly make out the person before him. 

Their hair was long like he accurately predicted it to be, but there were other things that he was quite perplexed by. Their figure was accentuated with a red satin dress and a matching choker that wrapped nicely around their neck.

Then, on their slender legs were fishnet legging, and strapped heels that curled around their ankles. When they reached the end of the stage, their lips were the brightest he had ever seen, being covered in red lipstick and lined with a darker shade of it.

Their demeanour appeared timid, but their outfit spoke a different tale.

The audience seemed to be as surprised as him, as they didn’t bellow, nor clap obnoxiously like they would usually do. But instead, they stared, silently admiring what they saw, like it was a priceless vase inside a box of glass.

They put their hands through their hair, and when they finally speak, it was soft and rather fairy-like, “…thank you all for staying until the end. For those who are here for the first time…my name is red pumilio.”

Red pumilio.

“And I hope you all enjoy what I’ve got in store…” putting a finger to their lower lip, “for you.”

 The music begins with an extremely slow tempo, where anticipation for an easy thrill had faded, and it was instead replaced with an aching longing. They put their hands on the pole, crouching down where every asset of theirs could be seen protruding through their dress.

Then they stand up again, and wrap their nimble legs around it, as if they were seducing it in front of the audience. It was as if they were giving them a little sample of what it would like to be that pole. To be the only one that could be touched, and possibly more if the imagination went a little too deep. They continue spinning around the pole until they manage to hang upside down, with one leg hooked and the other stuck out.

“shit, that is pretty impressive isn’t it?” Jeong Lee says, before inevitably tipping another drink into his mouth.

“…Uh-huh,” As Seungbae snatches the glass from him and places it to the other side.

 The last thing he needed was having his superior drink himself into a blackout. Lee needed to know that he was displeased by all of this, and that he didn’t want to be bought to a place like this again. That was what he wanted.

But…

They take their hands off the pole, kneeling down with their legs together, and without warning, they slowly spread their legs apart until even the sweat on their thighs could be seen under the light.

They eventually stand up, sliding one sly finger onto the pole with a continuous up and down motion and then they face the audience once again. Before the audience could even manage to put their hands together, they put a single hand up in the air and say, “… Now any volunteers?”

They then sit on the stage and patiently cross their legs together as a member from backstage appears with a single chair and places it in the middle of it. They quickly disappear back into the curtains and instead of a typical barrage of yells and screams from the audience, there was an unyielding unison of hands going up in the air.  Desperate, but unwilling to displease or embarrass themselves.

 They stand up and start walking around the room, where each step of their stiletto heels make the hands from the audience grow taller and wider and more eager. But with that eagerness, came an air of competition, of who could the lucky one. When Seungbae thought about it, he thought it was ridiculous.

This is…

However, once a hand brushes his shoulder and those stilettos stop, those thoughts completely dissipate. He turns his head around.

“How about you then?”

Upon close contact, their eyelashes were ruby red and so was the glitter on their face, where it was spread subtly across their cheekbones and nose. Then they had a small beauty mark on the corner of their chin, perfecting the rest of their look.

They give a slow smile, “…if you want to.”

Do I want to?

It wasn’t the red eyes that bored through him, nor was it the empty looks of the audience members that bothered him, but it was everything that had to do with himself.

Would he be able to sit up there, on that chair, and have the people that know him see him?  Be known as the cop that got grinded on stage? What if he was recorded-

“Ah I….”

“Hey if you don’t want to I’ll volunteer!” Jeong Lee loudly slurs, putting a unsteady hand on his seat in order to lift himself up. Seungbae puts his hand over his face.

“….Sorry. sorry. I don’t-“ grabbing Lees arm and sitting him back down, “This idiot.”

“…You don’t want to?” They say, still retaining the same polite smile.

 “I….I don’t think-“ but his reply gets drowned out by Lee once again, clearly livid from being silenced, “Oh this brat- hey I didn’t get to hear-“  

“...well never mind then. I guess I will have to pick someone else.”

Oh.

They walk away, their stiletto heels making their way to a random guy instead, where the same hands made its way to his shoulders and the same smile was made at him as they took his hand towards the stage.

“…now it’s neither of us, thanks to you,” Jeong lee mumbles, before laying his head against the table.

I see.

As the guy sits on the chair, anticipating what was to come as the room becomes a shade of vermillion red, and the audience stares on in silent envy, seungbae wondered what type of emotion he stood on.  There wasn’t any particular type of excitement he felt since there wasn’t anything to be excited for, and it wasn’t relief either because the dryness that resided in his mouth, hadn’t gone away.

He looks down at the table.

Good for him.

--

“…so who’s going to take lee home, because im not doing it the second time round,” one of the guys say, looking down at the semi-conscious lee, who had thrown up on the floor and could barely keep his eyes open. Seungbae drags him up from the floor and hooks his arm around lees shoulder.

“I…I’ll do it. Just give me his home address first.”

“…You never been to his apartment before?”

…They might have been more than acquaintances, where’d he and Lee would meet up outside of work a couple of times, but they weren’t exactly that close.

“No. just give me his address, okay?”

The guy rolls his eyes and gives seungbae his phone. Seungbae screenshots the address and sends it back to himself.

“…you know, you should have said yes. It could have been one hell of a good time.”

Seungbae presses his lips in annoyance, “…don’t know what you mean by that,” and gives him back his phone.

The guy shakes his head, and walks towards the entrance, muttering all the way back, “Don’t even know why we fucking invited you then…”

The rest of the group follows, and seungbaes trudges behind them, where’d he would have to stop a couple of times as Lee stumbles over himself and seungbae has to hold him back up again. Seungbae uses his leg to push open the door, and a frigid breeze of air hits him in the face.  Then Lee starts hacking violently, and seungbae uses his hand to pat him in the back until he manages to stop.

Jeong lee looks at seungbae apologetically, “…damn did I go too far aga-” before coughing a few more times.

“…I wouldn’t know, we don’t usually go out like this.”

“You mean, you don’t go out like this. I don’t usually get wasted but when im in a really good mood…”

As lee rants on and on about his drunken anecdotes, seungbae gazes back at the entrance. Saying no might have been the ideal answer at the time, but to admit to himself that he was curious about what it would have been like to be up on that chair would feel like a guilty testimony.

His attraction to women was unquestionable, but there were a few times in his life when he might have been a little open to his attraction for men, as well. He didn’t hate himself for it, but he didn’t love it either.

 …However, that man that he saw on stage was the prettiest he had ever witnessed. His stage name was very well-fitting for him, and his red lips and dress, especially when he got to see it up close, was like having the luxury to see a sensual piece of art for the first time. timelessly beautiful, and something that he would like to see again. Just out of curiosity, but nothing more.

Seungbae takes out his wallet, “ well you sobered up enough, right? call yourself a taxi then,” stuffing the cash into lees trench jacket.

“…where the hell are you going?”

“don’t worry about it.”

 __

Seungbae enters the room again, where its once enigmatic aura had disappointedly become more like reality, bottles being scattered on the table and a few lying tips that must have been forgotten to be taken. He sits back at the same table and taps his foot aimlessly.

…Why am I here?

The curtains briefly reopen, and the announcer with the suit comes out of it, sporting a scowl rather than the large grin that he had minutes before.

Seungbae stands up, sheepishly scratching the back of his neck.

“Uh…”

The announcer looks towards him, and his scowl becomes even wider.

“Sir, is there something that you need?”

“…I think I need to talk to one of your performers.”

The announcer narrows his eyes, “…aha right,” as he starts taking the tips from one of the tables. The announcer suddenly stops, putting two hands on his waist, “Which performer and why?”

Ah…why?

“… I just need to talk to them about something important. Red pumilio wasn’t it?”

The announcer shakes his head, “Too vague. What is this important thing you need to talk about?”

I should leave.

“…it’s just important. but I also completely understand if you don’t trust me- “

....The same set of heels that has been engrained into his ears, comes out again from the corner of his eye, except that their upper body was now covered in a white gown, with half of their makeup being partially wiped off. Their hair was no longer long, instead being replaced with short wavy hair that was split into both sides.

The announcer turns around, “Ah…don’t worry I was just about to kick-“

 “No its okay. I’m actually quite intrigued…”

They step towards seungbae, looking up at him intently.

His eyelashes are pretty.

“…want to talk about this really important thing at the back?”

__

#killing stalking #yang seungbae #killing me softly #yoon bum #yoonbumxseungbae #a03 link #a03 fic #fanfiction #ao3 #ao3 fanfic #seungbum

[coffyao]

poison couldn't be anymore attractive

Summary:

"will I be doing anymore future installments of this ship? for now, probably not since I want to focus on different creative endeavours...but i hope you continue to read my work as i've got more in store if you decide to stick around :)"   yeah that was meant to be the orginal plan...until it wasn't. one more little installment wouldnt hurt! _______________________________________________________________________________ taking place in a alternate universe, seungbae is tired of his co-workers hassling him about not going out more often. recently, they have been trying to convince him to go this club that has opened only a few years ago...after jeong lees final push (more like push off a cliff..) to finally shut them up, he goes and he finds himself perplexed to find something there he might enjoy....a little too much.

link to my ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lalaloopsyland/works

“Come on, don’t be such a fucking square.”

Seungbae finishes stacking up his paperwork, putting it near the side of his computer. He readjusts his glasses. “I’m not, im just tired,” he reiterates, probably for the 200th time. He couldn’t just be left to his own devices, could he.

“But that’s your go-to excuse everytime. At least be honest and say you just hate being social.”

If he had a penny for every instance his co-workers called him anti-social, he would have filled his  entire piggy bank by now. He was just chronically stressed and taxed from constant police cases. Also, teenagers. Belligerent and really shitty teenagers.

“…Really don’t know how many times I have to repeat myself,” Seungbae said, rubbing the side of his temple. An actual headache would be very, very convievent right about now. Jeong Lee comes into the office, sipping a cup of instant coffee.

“Why? is it too gay for you?” Jeong lee says, putting an arm around seungbae’s shoulders. “ You gotta live laugh, and love a little sometimes, right? ” he chuckles, and seungbae grimaces in return. He yanks his arm off.

“...You guys always act like I don’t know how to have fun. It’s just that I’m…”

“…extremely busy and up to your knees with lots and lots of paperwork.” Jeong Lee finishes, smirking teasingly, “I know I’m your senior, so realistically, I should be setting a good example…”

He takes out a pack of cigarettes from his brown trench coat, and shakes it suggestively, “but as soon as the night hits, we are all just men, aren’t we?”

Jeong Lee passes a cigarette stick to most of the men in the office, until he had a singular one left. He raises his eyebrow.

“…If your coming, take the last one here. If your leaving, I’ll take it. You have five seconds.”

“Wait, that’s too...”

“Five…four…three…”

“…. So annoying,” snatching the singular cigarette from the pack, stuffing into his baggy trousers, “But I’m not smoking it.”

Jeong Lee pats him in the back repeatedly, and the rest of the office give each other knowing looks.

--

If he’d known what he would get himself into, he wouldn’t have agreed to come at all. Walking behind the group, makgeolli and tobacco made for a bad enough combination when it came to scent, but the fresh vomit that spewed from drunken men and women had him covering his nose with his shirt.

Disgusting.

But the worst part when it came to a street corner like this was the audacious display of kissing that Seungbae had ever seen, the moist, mashing of tongues that seemed to be solely reserved from the men. A few of them were scattered around the outside of the bars, lip-to-lip, bodies close together, it’d felt like non-consensual voyeurism.

He couldn’t even spectate the beauty of the night, where’d the full moon was always exposed to the insatiability of the lust that took place here. But he wasn’t going to be swayed by it, since the only reason why he was here was peer pressure. Peer pressure with the inclination to prove to them he could have fun. Just a bit. Jeong Lee slows down, until he was walking with Seungbae,  side-to-side.

Jeong Lee takes a puff from his cigarette, “scary ain’t it? Are you regretting it yet?”

Seungbae looks down, “…I would be lying if I said I wasn’t.”

Jeong Lee shows him his cigarette, pointing it towards seungbaes mouth, “cigarettes don’t offer many health benefits…but it is a guaranteed stress-reliever.”

Seungbae looks longingly at the cigarette, then he pulls his own one from his pocket.

 He was even trying to quit too.

Jeong Lee passes him his ignition lighter, and seungbae lights the cigarette himself.  

They continue to walk until they come up to an admittedly decent looking nightclub, at least, from the outside.

It was of medium size, with neon arrows plastered on the blacked-out windows, pointing towards the entrance of it. Since it was a Friday night, the queue to coming in was long, reaching up until it was at the edge of the building. Seungbae takes a quick puff and squashes down his cigarette.

“Why is there a queue...”

Jeong Lee rolls his eyes, “It’s a Friday. Why wouldn’t there be?”

After the group of men line up, the queue eventually starts to close in, and they were already near the front. Most of the group takes out their cash from inside their pockets, except for Seungbae.  

Seungbae frowns, “wait, how much am I actually paying for this...” making a pointed glance at Jeong Lee. 

Jeong Lee ignores his glance and instead, takes out even more cash from his pocket. He passes it to the bodyguard, who already seemed to have some type of familiarity with him. Without looking back, he says, “Paid for you already. Your coming in whether you like it or not.”

shit.

“You aren’t backing out now are you Seungbae?” one of the men in the group pipes up.

Seungbae ignores their remarks, quickly pushing past the group and making his way to the entrance.

Their persistence was really starting to grind his gears.

Likewise, to a tunnel, the ceiling was concave, with there  being very little light except for a tiny but quick flash near the end of it.

He didn’t know why, but he felt intimidated.

 As he got closer to the light, the sweat underneath his shirt starts to drip down his back, and his mouth felt slightly dry.  Jeong Lee suddenly rushes from behind him, “Hey if your gonna go in, you better go in then,” pushing past him back. He kind of deserved that. The rest of the men go in.

They weren’t going to wait, and they certainly wouldn’t let him live it down if he backed out now, so Seungbae follows behind them.

Upon entering the new room, it would be what was typically expected of a nightclub. It had a couple of round tables scattered around with wooden chairs to accompany it. Then, in the middle of the room, was a rectangular, black stage that took up most of the space.

If he had to complain about something, it would probably be reserved for the multi-colored strobe lights that made him feel dizzy with its constant flashing.

They manage to find a table near the edge of the room, and they all decide to order somaek, while seungbae goes for an iced water. Seungbae takes a sip, “…when is the show going to start again?” as he stares at the stage.

Jeong Lee holds his drink up, “Few more minutes I think…won’t be long,” as he clinks it together with the others. 

‘A few more minutes,’ really wasn’t a phrase that Seungbae enjoyed hearing. He much rather of heard, ‘a few more seconds,’ so he could at least trick himself into believing that it was going to take that amount of timing. Tapping the edge of his drink, he looks around the room, noticing that the majority of the people that were sitting around were men.

…Not that he thought the target audience for this show in the first place was women, but he would have thought there would have been at least a few scattered around the place, at least. They usually enjoy these kinds of thrills, next to male strippers and filling their questionable underwear with money.

Jeong Lee had joked one time that if he wasn’t a police officer, he would probably be a stripper himself, telling him that with his electric charisma with the ladies, he would be a fan favourite. Seungbae scoffs at this memory and finishes his glass of water.

 The lights start to dim down, and a bright flash of yellow points to the middle of the stage. The ambiance of the club quickly quietens, and the many eyes that were focused on their glasses of alcohol look up at the stage, equivalent to moths that have now found a new light to focus on.

A man of lanky stature suddenly appears from behind the velvet curtains, holding a microphone and wearing a purple, sparkly suit that surprisingly fitted him quite nicely, despite how tacky Seungbae thought it was. The man taps the microphone a few times, before speaking into it with a nasally voice, “I’m guessing your all here for the show?” theatrically pointing the microphone back to the audience.

The majority response was an enthusiastic yes from the crowd, followed by shy, quieter ones to an extremely small minority who didn’t say anything at all. The man continues to speak on the microphone, “…Then all of you are in for a treat, since we have a diverse cast of queens that will make you laugh, cry, and perhaps charm you a little if you allow them…” as he winks a couple of times as if everyone was too stupid not to get the innuendo. One of the men on the table playfully nudges Seungbae, “Well you heard the guy…are you gonna let them ‘charm’ you a little huh?”

“…im not interested,” Seungbae deadpans, and they back off awkwardly. Jeong Lee sighs, “..you gotta learn how to loosen up a little. I get that this isn’t your thing but...jesus.”

If he wasn’t so intent, and he says that term very half-heartedly, he would of rather went straight home, microwaved a cup of ramen, eat it and sleep like a baby after. But having to hear a live discourse of a character assassination in his workplace, no less, really irritated him. 

…But also, this was as far he was going to go. He was going to silently watch, and then leave.

The man on the stage finishes speaking, “Anyways, I don’t want to waste anymore of your precious time…let’s start the show, shall we?” and the lights dim to pitch black. Within the darkness, came a few ‘ooohs,’ and ‘ahhhs,’ followed by a lot of snickering and more glasses being clinked together, rather clumsily.

 However, the darkness doesn’t last long as the room brightens up once more, the drapey curtains being opened to reveal a man with high-block heels and in a black jumpsuit.  His face was caked up in dark makeup, with sharp eyebrows and in particular, their smokey eyeshadow, overpowering the majority of their face.

The man calls himself a peculiar name, loudly declaring himself as, "The enigma," before proceeding to break out in a dance and do all kinds of splits on the stage that Seungbae thought that even the average gymnast would find difficult to achieve.

 He didn’t mind watching this performance at first, somewhat tolerating the pop music and jeering in the background but as the other performances came rolling around one after another, it grew repetitive, and very, very stale.

“The shows pretty goood huh??” Jeong Lee comments, drinking the 6th glass of Somoek. His voice was hoarse from having to almost yell every time he spoke, and it was probably because he was already quite drunk. “It’s alright,” Seungbae replies, turning his head briefly to look back at the exit.

Any longer, and he could use a 1st, a 3rd and even a 6th drink himself.

He stares dully at the bottom of his empty glass, contemplating this until the rumbustious applause from the audience snaps him out of it, and his attention has to be forced yet again towards the stage. The man with the tacky suit once again walks towards the stage, and he grins.

“Are you guys enjoying the show so far?” he shouts out, and it is met with a gurgled cheer, meant to resemble a yes but due to the alcohol, was lost in translation. The man nods profusely, and his grin grows wider.

“Thats good, because we have one more performance prepared for you. One more…and this person in particular is very, very talented…”

…whether that was another obvious innuendo or a true statement, was only going to be determined by what ‘this person’ was going to do, which would be either be more gratuitous splits, or something that could take him by surprise.

Probably not.

“…Which is all I’ll say for now. You will just have to see for yourself.” he says, finishing his speech with, “…Anyways, They are finally making their debut here, the one and only…” as he points towards the curtain.

#killing stalking #yang seungbae #yoon bum #yoonbumxseungbae #a03 fic #fanfiction #ao3 #killing me softly #a03 link #ao3 fanfic

[coffyao]

pictures to remember

SUMMARY:

yoonbum wants physical proof that they are finally a couple. seungbae begrudgingly goes with it.

link to my a03: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lalaloopsyland

_______

yoonbum leans against the sofa, obsessively swiping through his phone as an algorithm of couple pictures show up on his page, each shown with a different pose.

He then switches to his photos app, which contained images of small animals that he decided to save because they were cute, and there was the odd one or two pictures of himself when he had rare bursts of self-confidence.

But there were none of him and seungbae.

perhaps his feelings of insecurity were unreasonable since they only started officially dating a month ago, but he at least wanted to have pictures of them together he could look over whenever they were separated, and saturate himself with that emotion of overwhelming bliss.

He had to be quick though, since seungbae was going in for a weekend shift,  and they were typically the most strenuous, which sometimes resulted in not seeing him until the darkest of hours.

nervously fiddling with his hands, yoonbum opens the door to his bedroom, revealing a half-naked seungbae, his work trousers intact except for his shirt or even a tie. 

I'm still not used to seeing him like this.

"bum. what's up?"

"...d-do you want to take a selfie with me?"

Yoonbum pulls out his phone, his fidgeting persistent.

"...a picture? well, what for?"

yoonbum goes onto his social media page, and shyly turns it around so seungbae could see.  Seungbae had the tendency to be hard-headed at times, but once he caught on to what yoonbum wanted, he would always try to compensate for that flaw as much as he could, and this situation wasn't any different. 

well, except...

"ahh, s-so thats what you meant..."

that he wasn't a photogenic person.

"yes and I want to do it exactly like this..." 

_____

"alright...are you ready?" as seungbae holds on to his legs.

yoonbum readjusts his arms seungbae's back, pointing his phone towards the bathroom mirror. 

"...I think so," he smiles.

He taps the camera icon and the phone goes off.

#killing stalking #yang seungbae #yoonbumxseungbae #yoon bum #killing me softly #killingstalkingfanfic #ao3 fanfic #ao3 writer #fanfic #ao3fic #ao3 #wattpad

[coffyao]

drink away your inhibitions chapter 3.

Seething with frustration, Seungbae pulls Yoonbum until they were face to face against the wall and Seungbae kisses him with such force that it takes the breath out of Yoonbum.

“Mm-“

Wrapping his arms around seungbae’s neck, he kisses him back, locking themselves together in a stifling embrace. Dragging his fingers down yoonbum’s back, Yoonbum gasps out, barely holding onto Seungbaes blazer as he attempts to regain his breath.

“Wait..”

leaning his head against seungbae’s chest, he tries to control his breathing, extremely mortified at how easily he has given out. For a moment, yoonbum felt self-conscious. Thinking about how Seungbae would see him now, all breathless over a simple kiss.

But as Yoonbum continues to try and recover what was left of his pride, his ears pick up at the fast thumping of seungbae’s heart, looking slightly up only to notice that he was breathing heavily as well.

Yoonbum slow rises up and caresses the tip of seungbae’s glasses with his fingers, gauging his reaction. Feeling braver, he takes it off and puts it on himself, looking straight at Seungbae as he did it. Yoonbum felt that he wasn’t good at many things.…but when it came to seducing someone, he knew he could at least a pull a few tricks under his sleeve.

Brushing his hair off his face, yoonbum murmured “..I’ve always wanted to try your glasses."

..Which was true. Yoonbum did want to.

Resting his hands on Seungbae’s shoulder, he hums against Seungbae’s ear, “Now that I have. What do you think?”

“..It looks good.”

Yoonbum’s chest skips a beat and he feels his body slightly tremor in heat. He had to hear it again, “…whats that?”

Sighing, he rubs his hand on Yoonbums neck, looking intently at him as he did it, “I said..it looks good on you.”

Oh?

At that moment, all Yoonbum wanted to do was regain control of the situation that he had put himself in but.. whenever Seungbae had to give him that look oh god yes that look he always found himself falling into pieces, unable to think nor focus.

“oh that’s..” as Yoonbum’s voice falters, too overwhelmed to speak any further.

Seungbae moves his body closer, large hands caressing Yoonbum’s cheek, “..But you don’t need it to look good. you look just as good as you are already.”

Ah.

Yoonbum had pondered briefly if this was mostly just the alcohol influencing their minds to say the things they usually wouldn’t.

But…

Yoonbum kisses Seungbae again, leading him to the bed until they fell on top of it, straddling himself on seungbae’s waist. Putting his hands on seungbae’s chest, he rubs himself on seungbae’s crotch, slow circles as Seungbae clenches his teeth at the movement. Hastily tossing his jacket on the floor, Yoonbum smirks as he watches the man beneath him start to fall apart, a harsh blush of red covering most of his face.  

Yoonbum whispers, “do you like it?” feeling surer of himself. Seungbae nods, sucking short bursts of air as his groin starts to harden. Yoonbum found it gradually more difficult to censor anymore of his wants. He didn’t want to come on too strong. However…

“…You want me right?”

He had to make sure this wasn’t one-sided. He had to be sure.  He needed to hear him say it.

Breathing through his nose, Seungbae mumbled, “…I do.”

“Then.. prove it.”

With little hesitation, Seungbae tugs Yoonbum’s arm, lifting himself off from the bed until they were in a different position, Yoonbum’s wrists held tightly by the unexpected force of Seungbae’s hands.

Yoonbum had always been enamoured by seungbae’s physique, hyperaware of the occasional times he had his shirt off whenever Yoonbum had popped by his house. When that happened, Yoonbum had always made sure not to ogle too much, He didn’t want to come across as creepy.

But furtively, Yoonbum had always wondered what it would be like to be pinned down by those muscular arms, to have the adrenaline piercing through him as his power is forcibly relinquished.

Yoonbum couldn’t help but grin, chills running through his spine as the man above him presses his lips against his neck, small pecks as he starts to make his way down to his chest. Looking down, Seungbae wastes no time as he takes one of them with his mouth, sucking it with his tongue as Yoonbum bites his finger, the bitter tang of saliva building up in his mouth.

Yoonbum could hardly contain himself from the inside, his skin feeling sensitive to every bite, lick, and tease. He didn’t want to unravel so quickly, not yet.

“Hold-” Yoonbum gasps out.

“..Hmm?”

“Your too..” Yoonbum couldn’t quite get the words out as well as he thought he could. He thought maybe if he had put a cork in it then seungbae wouldn’t have to see..

No.

I don’t want him to stop.

“No actually..” As Yoonbum pushes Seungbae’s head down until it eventually led to his pelvis.

“I want you to..” Yoonbum’s heartbeat drumming hard against his chest.

“..Like this?”

Tugging yoonbum’s legs until it reaches the edge of the bed, seungbae immediately takes in Yoonbum with his mouth, slowly going up and down as Yoonbum’s slumps further into the bed. Yoonbum felt his legs suddenly feel weak and combined with his head, it felt like it  had filled with sparks, becoming increasingly more like mind-numbing torture.

“Seung-” Wrapping his hands around Seungbae’s small tuff of hair.

Yoonbum could feel it coming, “..I’m close.”

He really didn’t want to turn Seungbae off by letting himself go all over his face.

“..Do you want me to stop?”

Yoonbum didn’t know what he meant by that, “No but..”

“..Then it’s okay isn’t it? Don’t be embarrassed.”

“But I’ll..”

 Gently squeezing Yoonbums thigh, Seungbae looks up at him with a reassuring smile.

“..It’s fine.”

Yoonbum gulps before nodding and Seungbae dives in once again, picking up the pace as yoonbums hand involuntarily grips the covers, bracing himself for climax. Pulsing, Yoonbum digs his teeth into his fingers as his legs convulse and releases himself into Seungbae’s mouth. Gasping, Yoonbum ungrasps the covers and leans forward, eyes widened as he stared at the mess he had made. His mess. Or more so..

..The mess Seungbae had made out of him.

“Seungbae are you..”

Without saying anything, seungbae wipes it off with his wrist. Although Yoonbum wasn’t entirely sure if it was just his imagination making him see things but for a moment,  it seemed that Seungbae had enjoyed seeing Yoonbum squirm, a small smile appearing on his face before disappearing within a split second. Unbuttoning most of his shirt, Seungbae pushes his hands against the bedsheet.

“Bum.”

“H-huh?”

“How far do you want me to go?”

“Um…” although Yoonbum was half-expecting this question to pop up sooner or later, he was still a little annoyed.

..What do you think?

Leaning closer to seungbae’s body, Yoonbum digs his hands into seungbae’s trousers, making Seungbae flinch at his warm touch.

“..I want you to fuck me.”   Yoonbum said, tone concise but with a hint of impatience. At this point, Yoonbum was already beyond his limit. He needed it and he needed it now.

Seungbae obliges, pulling his trousers down and throwing it to the side.

Yes that’s it..

Yoonbum pulls Seungbae into another kiss, much sloppier than the last as his tongue wraps around Seungbae’s, itching to taste him even more. Trailing his fingers across seungbae’s broad shoulders, he wraps his legs around seungbae’s waist without another breath to waste. Taking this as more than enough invitation, Seungbae slowly pushes himself into him, a puff of air exhaled as seungbae’s get  used to the new sensation.

Yoonbum squeezes the covers tighter, the feeling of warmth rising, beads of sweat trinkling all over his back. Yoonbum pulls seungbae into a hug, sighing wistfully into his ear.

“What are you waiting for?” as his fingers move to seungbae’s back, caressing it just enough to tease the what ifs. Like..

Fucking my brains out?

Seungbae moves his waist and thrusts it right back down, forcing a loud cry to gurgle from Yoonbums throat. When seungbae realised what his body - no what he had just done, the logical side of him cursed him out for being so brash.. so careless.

..But there was another side to him that made him acutely aware of how helpless Yoonbum looked right now- how the brush of a hand could make him wither in seconds.

..And how the force of another man’s thrust could regress him into a crying mess.

Was it pride? Was it him starting to feel weirdly possessive all of a sudden?

A hard shiver runs down his back. He buries his head against Yoonbum’s neck, as if resisting the urge to do whatever the fuckinghell that was again – but then he hears a pleading voice.

“More…”

Yoonbum whispers, cheeks flushed and legs desperately grappling for impact. He kept arching his back, making it so painfully obvious that he wanted it.. and that he in fact loved it.

How could I deny him?

Seungbae thrusts into him again, making sure that he had left no room for anymore doubts- that he was going to make sure that he was the one who was going to do the job right. Yoonbum bites his tongue, eyes wet from the pleasure that had fully engulfed him..and with the emotion that came with it.

“Harder…” Yoonbum whimpers. He didn’t want to think anymore. He just wanted to keep feeling. Seungbae actively follows Yoonbum’s command, almost being similar to an aggressive machine that had one purpose…and one purpose only. Seungbae thrusts at a slow and tortuous speed, enough for Yoonbum to feel like he was completely at the edge, but not enough to fall off it.

The speed almost drives Yoonbum crazy as his voice becomes shakier with each vigorous push and his fingernails dig into seungbae's back, his only lucid way of expressing how good he truly feels.

Yes!

Seungbae leans and pressed kisses against Yoonbum’s neck, short but enough for Yoonbum’s head to start to spin and make him feel drunk all over again.

Ohgodohgodyesyesyesyesyesyes-

When it went from thrusts to hard slams against the skin, enough to echo even in the most sound-resistant walls, yoonbum’s voice comes out in waves between loud cries and soft whining, until the point where he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Ah-“

Just a little more..

“Ah!-“

More!

Yoonbum forcibly pulls seungbae’s head into his chest, eyes rolled back and completely consumed by the sensations that had temporarily taken control over him.  His eyesight blurs and for a moment, feels euphoric as his climax continues to hit those highs and Yoonbum eventually breathes out once it settled. Yoonbum embraces Seungbae tighter, content in the cathartic silence between them.

I need to say it..

Yoonbum strokes seungbae’s ear with a light finger, “Seungbae I like you. I always have.."

He didn’t care anymore..he had to get out of his chest. His finger continues to travel until he reached seungbae’s earlobe.

“I like you so much that I would do anything for you..”

I need you.

“..Do you like me too?” When Yoonbum said that he felt that he wanted to burst into tears. His cheeks, flushing all over again so much so that he almost wanted to slap himself. He wasn’t a lovesick schoolgirl.

But at the same time, all that mattered right now was hearing Seungbae say it too. 

I want you.

A verbal indication..anything. Sex isn’t enough.

I love..

“…Bum. “

I love…

“I…”

--

Once it had reached morning, Seungbae slowly drags himself out of bed, the scratches from the night before searing into his back like it were a branding. A possessive branding.

But he couldn’t complain, because after all, he did it to Yoonbum too. Yoonbum’s legs stuck out from the wrinkled bedcovers, revealing a few hickies spread across his upper thigh.

And weirdly enough- Seungbae didn’t feel that guilty about it.

He clears his throat and starts gathering the clothes that he had carelessly thrown on the floor – sighing underneath his breath that he was going to have wash it thoroughly when he got home.

He slowly dresses himself, taking small gazes at Yoonbum every now and again so that he wouldn’t wake up.

Once he finished, he takes his pair of glasses that was ravelled inside the bed-sheets and carefully puts on his shoes. As the little semblance of sunlight pops out through the curtains, some of it makes its way to Yoonbum’s face, curly eyelashes, unruly hair  and with a feeling that Seungbae couldn't quite put his finger on, no matter how hard he tried. Seungbae looks at him for a little while, before setting a small note aside, saying, “Left you a little bit of extra money, just in case you wanted to take a cab home.”

What the hell are you doing?

The thought of leaving Yoonbum just like that was undeniably shameful.  So at least, if he had left a little something aside, maybe it would ease his guilt. Just a little.  He makes his way towards the door and before leaving it, he closes his eyes and the sequences of last night, flash in his head like it were  a lucid dream.

...Because after all, it was never really about the alcohol.

_______

END.

#yoon bum #yang seungbae #killing stalking #Yoonbumxseungbae #sangwoo #seungbum

[coffyao]

drink away your inhibitions chapter 2.

Yoonbum smiles warmly at him and seungbae slowly smiles back, making their way to the dance floor. Yoonbum felt uneasy at first as the bodies pressed up against him, too inebriated by the music to be aware who was around them.  But as seungbae started moving to the beat, taking yoonbum’s hand and pulling him closer, that apprehension had dwindled, and they became slowly entranced by their surroundings.

As the lights started to dim, Yoonbum couldn’t quite take his eyes off him in that moment. Between the frail button on his white shirt that might snap off and the tender way that he had always looked at Yoonbum…It was so conflictingly bewildering.

Yoonbum had always found him good-looking, but the atmosphere felt too potent. So much so that ..he had thoughts of seungbae snatching him away to the bathroom, gripping his hands so he would be unable to escape and then having his way with him against the bathroom mirror.

It was so unpredictable that it was arousing.

Why can’t he just..

seungbae is awkward with his movements, misplacing a few steps and at another point even trampling his shoe on yoonbums foot.

“Shit..sorry.”

Yoonbum didn’t mind at all. Instead, he chuckles lightly.

“It’s okay.”

As the air rushes throughout the club like a heatwave, the gap began to close between them, heavy breaths occupying the music and a stare that felt strangely similar. Yoonbum couldn’t really tell. In the amidst of this, Yoonbum notices a trail of sweat running down seungbae’s forehead and in a moment of pure absentness, he touches his face.

“Sweat..” Yoonbum mutters.

“..What?”

“…Your sweating. Let me wipe it off for you.”

Carefully, Yoonbum grabs a leftover tissue from his pocket and uses it to dab the sweat off, making sure that it absorbs every spot. When he finishes, he looks down to meet Seungbae’s eyes. He was expecting Seungbae to give his genial smile whenever he would do such eccentric things, that even Yoonbum himself struggles why he does it sometimes.

…Or at the very least, change the topic of conversation so Yoonbum could retain whatever pride he still had left, and they could walk on the waning line they still call a friendship.

But Seungbae didn’t resort to either of those things.  The only thing that had made an inch was his hands, travelling to yoonbum’s arms. His face, unwavering and still but his eyes, fervent and consuming. Yoonbum couldn’t say a word, it was like being stuck in a limbo where neither could escape until one of them made the next move.

Then, before Yoonbum could even anticipate it, Seungbae leans forward, eyes shut and lips moving at a gradual speed.

This had to be because of a different reason. It must be.  But..

Yoonbum closes his eyes.

It’s better than nothing.

“..Sorry.”

Seungbae removes his hands and moves slightly back. Yoonbum opens his eyes, confused.

“I.. don’t know what had gotten into me. Just.. I can’t believe I had tried to..” As Seungbae struggles to find his words.

..is this better?

“..Just out of my mind. please forgive me for what I had…I wouldn’t.”

“Its fine.”

Yoonbum holds onto seungbae's hands and breathes out, “it’s okay. Don't..no.”

Who are you trying to fool?

Yoonbum couldn’t take it any longer. It had to burst. Everything. All of it.

Now.

He moves his hands until it rests on seungbae’s shoulders, tiptoeing so he was close enough to his ear. Yoonbum leans closer and whispers, "Then.. how about we just get out of here instead?” momentarily taken over by a force he knew all too well about himself.

So impulsive.

By the time those words left Yoonbum’s mouth, an incredible force of shame had infiltrated into his entire being and he immediately ungrips Seungbae with such speed that he nearly trips over himself.

“Ah-“

Seungbae grabs onto his arm and pulls him back up, an unreadable expression appearing on his face. Yoonbum bites his nail. He didn’t want to look at him. It was bad enough that Seungbae had pulled away from their kiss but to also proposition him? It made him want to hit himself with a broken bottle.

“..Um. I don’t know why I…ha. You know I think maybe we both a little out of it...let’s forget about what I.. “His voice decreasing with each word he spoke, perturbed by the lack of seungbae’s reaction.

He would usually expect for Seungbae to scold him, maybe ask, “Why would you say that?” picturing seungbae with his usual confused face.

Instead, Seungbae stands motionlessly, as the music continues to vibrate throughout the dance floor.

“Seungbae-“

“Let’s do that then.”

Yoonbum turns his head up in shock and wondered briefly if his ears were just deluding him in order to make him feel better.

“It’s getting too loud in here anyway. I think we both could do with some fresh air, at least.”

Yoonbum couldn’t budge his mouth. He didn’t even what this was all supposed to mean. It was too sudden. It had felt more like a feverish fantasy born from his yearning than what was actually happening in real-life. Did Seungbae even know what he had meant by that? Or were his intentions meant to be innocuous after all?

It wouldn’t hurt to see what it actually is.

Yoonbum holds onto his sleeve and points towards the exit. Sluggishly, they walk into the masses, shifting and turning like cog machines until they arrive at the black doors, opening it with ease.

Meeting with the lukewarm breeze, they walk side-to-side on a stoned path, vivid neon signs illuminating the streets of Seoul. They didn’t talk nor even so much as look at each other. For those few lengthy seconds, they had sauntered aimlessly, looking for that something; but that something was unknown. Yoonbum grows increasingly uncomfortable, holding himself with his arms as if it were a protective barrier.

Yoonbum needed an indication, a foreseeable event that he could at least let himself down to, where was-

Oh.

A motel that was written in blue and in bold, “Mk Liberty House,” flashes across his eyes, the building being made out of white brick walls with a glass door that had said “welcome, “on top of it.  The way they had placed it was subtle, seeing as it was between a convenient store and a karaoke bar.

Yoonbum looks away, but Seungbae had already caught on to the sign above him and without breaking his focus, he said, “Do you want to go in there.”

“..Sure.”

---

While the hotel clerk hands Seungbae the keys, Yoonbum feels the pressure in between his legs start to kick in fluctuating forces, almost buckling under it as he tries to control it.

“Yoonbum.”

“H-huh?”

“..Nothing. Let’s go.”

Entering the elevator, they stand next to each other.  

What’s nothing?

Yoonbum tightly holds the metal bars, hands becoming sweatier by the second as the elevator continues to rise.  Combined with the bulb flickering above them and the stillness between them growing prominent, he felt his anxiety peak. Yoonbum felt someone’s eyes on him, but he didn't want to acknowledge who it was. He felt confused and maybe it was misplaced but weirdly happy at the same time?

You couldn’t be already having expectations.

Yoonbum continues to peek at the doors, growing impatient. When it dings, Yoonbum felt like he was going to combust into flames.

This is it.

Are we..

Yoonbum shakes his head.

As Seungbae reaches the door, focusing too excessively on the keys, he clears his throat, “Since we aren’t thinking clearly, its better if we rest here…”

“Rest?”

“..Yeah.  it would have been unwise if that if we had gone.. our separate ways. Things would go.. wrong. So a motel was...” As his voice trails off, unconvinced at his own words.

Huh?

Yoonbum couldn’t wrap around his head around.. no his head couldn’t accept this conclusion. He would have been able to understand it..

…if Seungbae hadn’t complimented him so genuinely it had felt sickly sweet.

…If he hadn’t asked to dance with him knowing Yoonbum is a horrible dancer.

...Then look at him with such warmth that it’s impossible to fathom.

..Tried to kiss him.

…Then instead of getting two separate rooms, he’s gets one for both of them? Alone? Both of them?

…Alone?

Before Yoonbum could anticipate his own actions, he reaches for seungbaes face, frantic as his breathing harshened.

 “..When you tried to kiss me earlier, did you really not mean it?”

“Bum-“

When was the last time he so woefully wanted someone to touch him? At those times, he couldn’t even recognize his own being, his own voice.

A slutty animal.

..If it had meant that he had to get hurt a few   more times, he thought it would be worth the pay-off.

But this was different.

Today, tonight.. this was a gamble. He wasn’t just giving himself up to just anyone. He was giving himself up to someone..who might be worth the tears this time.

When Seungbae didn’t say anything, Yoonbum grows more restless, and he reaches for seungbae’s ear again.

Don’t deny me.

“Do you really not want me?”

“I..”

“Because I can’t take it..it’s too much.”

Don’t you dare deny me any longer.

“Too.."

“Yes seungbae. you are too much. So do something about it.”

Seungbae bites his lip and leans his head against the door, mumbling words yoonbum couldn’t quite hear but when seungbae turns to face yoonbum again, yoonbums back stung with both fear and excitement.

Without another word, seungbae unlocks the door and pulls yoonbum into the room, any little remainder of self-control disappearing within mere seconds.

_________________

#yoon bum #killing stalking #yang seungbae #Yoonbumxseungbae #Killingstalkingfanfic #seungbum

[coffyao]

Drink away your inhibitions chapter 1.

this took me a long time to write but im happy that i've finished it.

---

:SPOILERS AHEAD:

this takes place where in this universe, yoonbum does NOT die (it is implied in the canon ending that he did.) seungbae stops the car in time, sees an extremely distraught yoonbum, calms him down and he decides to take him back to hospital to get checked out.. lets say two years later: yoonbum has decided to get the professional help he needed (encouraged by seungbae) eventually gets a job at the library (my favourite headcannon thanks to (when i find their user, ill credit them. ) lives in a small apartment and hes doing fairly better for himself.

Time continues to pass by..

Now it's going to be seungbae's birthday tomorrow and he had decided to invite yoonbum to a nightclub (because now they are friends..) yoonbum was hesitant at first... but he decides to come anyway. yoonbum since then.. has FALLEN extremely hard for seungbae. now he's almost ready to take that leap.. with the help of a little something.

_________________________

Seungbae.. seungbae.. seungbae..

It was the only name that had filled his mind. He looked down on his feet as he awkwardly stood at the back of the club, the crowds of young 20 something years old dancing to the techno music that echoed throughout the building. Yoonbum was never the type to think about how old he was until he walked out of his 1-bedroom apartment, dress in attire he would never think to wear and surround himself in such a boisterous environment that it could even tucker out an energy-drink obsessed teenager.

He didn’t like this at all.  But..

His eyes went straight to the mini bar. Three people. A woman who sported a black bob-cut while adorned in a scarlet sleeveless dress. He didn’t see her face clearly, but he could tell she was beautiful.  Then sat right next to her, was that horrible cop who forced his jaw open one time. He couldn’t quite remember his name, but an experience like that would certainly traumatise anyone.

Yoonbum cringed. 

Since that cop had his face splat on the table, at the very least, he wouldn’t have to force any niceties or whatever. Then right beside him, was Seungbae himself. He was wearing a black blazer, a buttoned white shirt, along with the rest of the attire to go with it.

He had left his hair untouched, which Yoonbum liked and he had his usual glasses on, which he had also liked. He admittedly.. admired him. His overbearing sense of justice…his caring nature, his generosity.. his smile.. his amazing smell.. his presence..morality.

Oh..most importantly…

His morality.

Yoonbum had never recalled a time where seungbae had ever laid a hand on him.. He had never made him like he had done anything wrong. He had never made him put on a decaying dress that smelled awfully like someone died. God. He wasn’t anything like..

At first, yoonbum was afraid of that. It was the unfamiliarity of being treated like he actually mattered.

It was being able to rest at home without having the fear that a certain someone might get triggered and beat the crap out of him. Then it was the irrational anger. Why was he being treated so fragilely? Like a Chinese tea-set that might shatter any minute if it was blown against with a paper fan.

He didn’t deserve this treatment. He wanted to be punished. He wanted to be hurt. He deserved it. He shouldn’t be anything less but a container for somebody’s pain and pleasure. That’s all he was. That was why he existed.  His existence was merely to worship the feet that stood on his pitiful head and stamp on it with glee. He would accept it, no resistance. No complaining. Accept it with a grateful smile.

Thank you for blessing my miserable life with your presence. Thank you very much.

Sangwoo was supposed to be his saviour. His one and only god. His salvation. So.. how was it that a know-it-all cop playing white knight somehow manage to be his saviour? Was this supposed to be god’s plan all along? He doesn’t know.

 At times, he had felt guilty for even entertaining the thought of having feelings for somebody else. Sangwoo would curse him all the way to hell if he ever.. well.. he’s probably there now. He might even go there too, one day. But for now… just for now. He wants to pretend like he deserves a second chance at life.

Just a little longer.

He stood straight and made his way towards the bar, slipping and sliding carefully as he attempted to pass through the crowd. At times, it had felt like a forest, going through lengths large and wide, in order to reach his destination. But at times..it was moreso like a stuffy school corridor, where everyone pushed against each other, and the only way you can even bear it is to push right back.  

He wiped the sweat off his brows and continued pushing forwards. Eventually, he reached the bar, and his mind immediately went straight to where that destination was. Where was his destination? Where was..

His eyes widened. His ears winced at the sound of laughter and he had turned his head to the left. There was Seungbae. He was having a conversation with that woman. That woman.

Yoonbum clenched his hands.

How am I supposed to…

he furiously bit his lip and stepped forward then stood still. He tried lifting his feet but it had felt like they were crushed by concrete.  He had felt something unnerving crawl behind his back..like a familiar parasite.

?

His vision blurred and the room was filled with echoing silence. His hands and legs were tied with rope and someone or that something threw him inside a wardrobe. Dusty. A disgusting aroma. It smelled almost like.. the wardrobe opened slightly. The familiar wardrobe, the familiar smell, the familiar fluorescent light. That same feeling of dread felt like a concussion.

 A deep voice murmured, “Peek.” Wrapping its frosty hands around his head. Yoonbum shut his eyes, but the hands pried his eyes open. “Don’t.” Yoonbum whimpered. The voice became louder. “Peek.” It commanded. His lips started to bleed. “Won’t you peek for me?” it purred. The hands travelled down to his left leg, rubbing his inner thigh. He shivered. He couldn’t resist. As Yoonbum moved his head closer, the grunts becoming more audible. “That’s it.. peek.”

Don’t peek.

 His blood started trickling down his chin.  The hands tightened their grip.

“Fucking peek you retard.”

His heart thumped into his skin. He creeped closer. Fighting wasn’t an option. It never was..when it came to him.

Closer.

“Yoonbum?” Seungbae called out. Yoonbum lifted his head, blinking hard.

 “Come here.”  Seungbae gestured with his hand. Yoonbum took a deep breath, breathing out with his nose. Just like the therapist said. In…out.. in. He walked towards the pair. Seungbae smiled, “It’s really nice to see you here. I’m glad you decided to come after all.”

Yoonbums lip twitched.

His voice always made him feel better.  It was slightly deep, with gentle yet wild undertones to it. At times, it was as soft as it can be when he it had reassured yoonbum but as can be as hearty and brash whenever they had conversations about his job. He felt his anxiety melt away.  

“I’m okay. It’s nice to see you too…”

Seungbae shifted, hushing his voice. “ah…so this is the person that came to celebrate with me and..” then he turned and motioned his hand. “Sorry, I was just telling her who you were. So this is..”

Oh.

 It’s true. Yoonbum had never truly wished ill on anyone.  He never hated Sangwoo, even when he was beating him until he had begged him to stop. His uncle was   an incomprehensible monster but even so, he had wanted him gone, not dead.  His superior from the army made him want to die, but he didn’t want them to die.  His friend from high school betrayed him and he had momentarily hated her, but when she came back, his heart softened to the idea of them reconciling.

 But there was one thing he had abhorred.  Made him want to dig holes on the wall with a screwdriver. Its irrational but it’s a rational feeling. He won’t take another woman. He won’t take them stealing the man he loves, not again. Never again. He won’t allow it.

“Nice to meet you Yoonbum.” She said, offering a small smile. Yoonbum clenched his teeth and gazed at her lips.  He croaked but attempted too at least sound just as amiable.

“Nice.. to meet you too.”

 She nodded and glazed Seungbae’s hand with her fingertips.

Why do you keep touching him?

Yoonbum cleared his throat, “Think I’m going to order a drink.”

Seungbae frowned, “Oh already? I thought you said you weren’t much of a drinke-”

"Yes usually..but it’s your birthday tomorrow. Might as well.” Yoonbum said, avoiding seungbae’s gaze. Seungbae pressed his lips together, eyebrows furrowed for a few seconds before sighing.

“Okay.. just don’t overdo it.”

Don’t overdo it he said.

Yoonbum walked in between them and tapped the marble table. His gaze flickered back at the woman, faintly hoping she would at least be annoyed by the unwelcome presence of a stranger getting in the way. The bartender turned his head around and walked up to the counter.

In a tired voice, he said, “Yes..what would you like?” Yoonbum took out his wallet from his black blazer. He slammed the money on the counter and says, “…soju. One shot of soju.” The bartender yawns, “gotcha.” As the bartender started preparing the shot, Seungbae continued to talk with the woman, small snickers between them erupting.

Yoonbum kept glancing with the corner of his eye, furrowing his eyebrows. The bartender tapped his shoulder and pointed at the glass. Yoonbum nodded and the bartender walked away, rolling his eyes. Yoonbum had never considered himself a serious drinker. Sure, he had gotten drunk with Sangwoo a couple of times, but that was only because he had felt obliged to. After all, he had only ever wanted to please him. But he wasn’t drinking exactly to appease anyone. It was just being impulsive. Liquid courage but without the actual liquid. He took the glass and drank it one go, scrunching his face up as the bitter taste hit his tongue.

“horrible.” He muttered.

He dipped his bony hands inside his wallet again and slammed the counter, but with a little less force this time. Seungbae glances up at him, opens his mouth but closes it again. As the bartender starts pouring another drink, Yoonbum looks down, thinking about how this situation felt screamed deja vu. Social interaction especially in a loud setting such as this had never been easy for a guy like him. 

He had never had friends and although he had thought perhaps he would learn to eventually accept it..

It had always bothered him.  So, so much.

Going to karaoke. Talking about who they were crushing on in class. Even simply studying together was enough to drive him over the edge he had already past so long ago. Why couldn’t he have friends as well? What was so wrong with him?  Why is everything so hard. But he wasn’t going to feel like this tonight. He was going to be in control this time.

 He took the second shot of soju, turned around and took a deep breath, “Seungbae. Your friend.”

“Haha..yeah?”

The woman raised her eyebrow. Yoonbum crossed his arms and repeated blankly, “Your friend. Aren’t you going to order a taxi home for him?”

Seungbae looks at Yoonbum with a confused expression at first, but what he had meant quickly clicked and he stood up.

“Shit.”

 Seungbae continued to mutter under his breath as he checked his friend’s pulse with his fingers. He pressed his eyebrows with his fingers and huffed. The woman chewed her lip and asked, “Is your friend alright-” He interrupts, clicking his teeth.

“yeah its fine, don’t worry…”

Yoonbum sits back on the chair seungbae was sitting on and continues staring at her. Seungbae puts one hand on his waist and another hand on his arm, raising him up off the cushioned seat.  He rests his head on Seungbaes shoulder, mumbling incoherently. Seungbae turns to the pair, looking apologetic.

“Sorry.. I didn’t know he was going to get this wasted..had I known beforehand I would have made this idiot drink water instead. Anyways ah..think I’ll just take him home instead. Then I’ll come back, okay?”

The woman frowned but hid it with a half-hearted smile, “That’s fine. Got all night anyway.” Seungbae sighed and said, “Great.. I’ll be back quickly..” He pauses and looks at yoonbum.

“Yoonbum. are you okay with that?”

 Yoonbum replies a little too quickly, “Yes. Yes.. Just make sure your friend is okay.” Seungbae pauses, then shakes his head.

“..Right. see you later then.”

 As they walked and disappeared into the hoard of glowsticks and brightly coloured hair. The woman taps her fingernail onto her cheek before turning to Yoonbum.

“Yoonbum. Right?”

“Yes…that’s my name.”

 “So, uh..”

Just say it.

Yoonbum huffs, “I like him.”

She narrows her eyes, and scoffs. “Uh..what?”

You heard me.

Yoonbum sits up a little straighter and looks into her eyes. “I.. like.. him. So..”

“You…”

He squeezes his knees, clenching his teeth tighter. He couldn’t control himself any longer.

“Yes.. which is why I need you to back off. Me and seungbae..we have history. I have known him..known him for longer than a year and..”

Keep going.

“You.. you have known him for 30 seconds. I get.. it. You must like him too but.. I liked him first. Putting your hands all over him..flirting  with him like you haven’t seen a man in years…you.”

Wait..what am I doing?

He gulps, his resolve weakening. His hands shake, “It really.. annoys me. I’m.. I’m sorry lady but-”

“Im going to have to stop you right here.”  She said, crossing her arms.

Seungbae's never going to talk to me again.

She looked at yoonbum as if she was looking at an overgrown infant.

“First of all.. your friend is straight.”

I know that.

“And.. let’s be honest. Strangers? 30 seconds? Who the hell cares about all of that?’

Yoonbum tucks in his chin and looks down.

Don’t cry.

She leans into her chair, “He doesn’t owe you anything. You liking him for a year doesn’t mean he’s obligated to feel the same for you. You should know that by now if you’re smart.. and I don’t owe you anything either.”

He could feel his eyes burn up, the feeling of mortification and woe mixing into a terrible concoction.

Shes right.

He covers his eyes with his hand, “..Your right. Yeah…”

What was he even expecting by talking to her? Shame for even daring to flirt with his unrequited crush? Sympathy for the poor gay man who longs for another straight man?

What was it?

Why are you so pathetic?

“Sorry I..”

“Hey I’m back.”

They both turn from their seats. Seungbae looks back at them, glasses slightly bent out of shape with drops of sweat falling beneath his chin. He takes a short breath.

“Didn’t know you would be back so quickly.”  She said, Placing her hand under her chin.

He raised his eyebrows and sat back down.

“Ah. About that. Long story short.. one of my colleagues from work was also out for the night.. happened to see us together and offered to take him home. I mean I felt bad..”

She shrugged, “Oh well. No need to feel bad. If he offered… he offered."

“I guess.. he did say he was going home as well.”

“Exactly. But you know..I’m glad your back.”

Yoonbum instinctively knew what was going to happen and he wrapped his hands in balled-up fists.

Keep calm.

She examined yoonbum closely, a small frown appearing on her face, but it quickly resolves as her eyes move to seungbae. Seungbae nods, “Yea- “

“With me.” She interrupted. Seungbae opened his mouth slightly.

“Oh?”

She leans closer to him.

“Seungbae. You know.. I really like you. So much so that..i want to see where this goes. Get to know each other.”

“Uh..”

“What do you say?”

“Sorry. I didn’t know this is what you thought this was. I’m actually...” He looks at yoonbum and gulps. He looks back and instead focuses on the bottle of sansachun.

“I’m.. not that interested in dating anyone.. at least. Not at the moment. I honestly think your an gorgeous woman.  But.. I’m really not looking for anything…like that.

Huh?

“..Ah. I see how it is.”

She stood up from her seat, snatching her glass of soju and glares at yoonbum,

She turns her head to seungbae, then at  yoonbum, then at both of the pair.  She looks at them for a while before smirking, then takes a swish of her drink. She slams the glass down on the counter. She sighs, “No worries. It’s my fault for assuming it after all. But.. are you really sure that you aren’t interested?"

 “..Yeah.”

“If you say so. it was nice meeting you then.”

Before seungbae could even have a chance to reply, she rushes into the crowd, heels clattering and bag swinging, pride obviously hurt.

Ah.

For a moment, yoonbum had felt a moment of fleeting happiness when she had finally left. It was like he had been given his one chance.  Maybe a confession. Seungbae sits down next to him, shoulders slumped with his hand lumped against his forehead. Seungbae shifted in his seat.

“..Sorry about that situation. Honestly I wasn’t trying to lead anyone on..” As his voice quietens at the last sentence. Yoonbum wanted to find the words to ease Seungbae. It was the least he could do after what he had caused.   He shakily reaches for seungbae’s hand. comfort absolutely.. but at the same time, erase the warm hand that had dared touched him previously.

So close..

But as he was about to make that final move, the previous conversation or rather, the careful pick apart of his psyche started to resurface itself in his already fractured mind.

“your friend is straight. “

“I’m.. not that interested in dating anyone.”

Yoonbum tightly pressed his lips, instead tapping the counter with his hand in an attempt to hide his pathetic advance at reaching him.

Seungbae breaks the silence.

“Ah, damn it all. How about we just drink instead?” slipping into his pocket.

“..Huh?”

“I mean it’s not like I’m having a bad night or anything like that. I had just.. thought maybe if we had a little drink or two…it might get.. some troublesome things off our minds. You know?”  Seungbae smiled, but it somehow didn’t seem very convincing.

“..I guess that could be good.” Yoonbum mumbled.

“And also.. I’ve been so distracted that I haven’t really had the time to talk to you. I’m sorry.”

Really?

Yoonbum puts his hand over his mouth, “Don’t worry about it..” a slight blush of red appearing on his cheeks. Seungbae nods and calls for the bartender. As the club rumbled on with dancing bodies, the proximity between him and Seungbae made all of this feel so much more real.

His heart was jumping to let it all out, to finally kiss him, feel him..

At first, he had never regarded him in such a vulgar matter. For the first couple of months, whenever seungbae had visited him in his apartment, although a little bit of resentment did reside in him..

He was mostly grateful.

Their conversations used to be awkward, stunted for the mere fact that he wasn’t sure how to take everything in.

A life without Sangwoo? Is this what it had meant to live a completely ordinary life? But with due time, he had eventually started to forget.  With due time, conversations that had felt forced from his part had started to feel more natural. With due time, he started to feel the wall break. With due time.. he felt him and seungbae become a little closer.

Then on a cold midnight, he had a dream.

 He had opened his eyes and seungbae was standing over him in the dark. Trousers, shirt, and glasses intact but yoonbum had felt like at that moment, seungbae was standing in the nude. Yoonbum could move his body, but he was paralyzed.  When he had stared at seungbae, there was a sense of uncontrollable intensity between the way they had looked at one another that if he had broken the stare-off, this peculiar dream would end.

This dream would become a repetitive recurrence, where all seungbae would do is look at him with his void less eyes, but he wouldn’t ever say anything or make a move.

Maybe it was because he hadn’t done it in a while, but just from their eye contact alone, did he start touching himself every night to it.

“Bum? What are you ordering?”

“Oh? Uh…soju.”

“Alright.” The bartender places both of their drinks on the counter.

Seungbae takes a long sip of it, “…so. how has life been treating you so far.”

“..not too bad.”

“Really? well..thats good.” As Seungbae looks down on his drink. Yoonbum fidgets with his fingers, then reciprocates the same question.

“..How about you? How has life been treating you?”

“Ah! well…”

Seungbae started to open up about how stressed he had been nowadays, working late shifts whilst dealing with the significant rise of petty crime around the neighbourhood.  He then rambles on about how even now he feels he is still treated delicately after officer park’s passing. He orders another shot of Sansachun.

“I know..I have some issues. But one of the things that I despise the most is being treated like I’m still that poor kid from back then..”

“I understand..”

“It just drives me crazy. It’s just so patronising. I mean..there’s plenty of days where I do miss him. But I also feel.. for the most part, that I handle it okay.”

Yoonbum didn’t really know to comfort him since he had felt he was so terrible with words, so he resorted to the thing he knew how to do the most. He wrapped his hand around seungbaes fist. Seungbae glanced at him in shock, nearly saying something but he decides not to say anything at all. They continue purchasing drink after drink, the night becoming hazier by the second.  

With his face glowing a shade of reddish pink, seungbae leaned on his hand and said, “You know bum..I think if you put yourself out there more. I think you could find someone really good for you… Someone who truly deserves you.”

Yoonbum clumsily stumbles on his words, “I don’t know about t-that. I’m not exactly..charismatic. Attractive..i don’t think I’m that  either. So…”

Seungbae shook his head, declaring, “Nonsense. I think.. your one of the kindest people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. You are always.. you just  always know what to do to make someone feel better.  You…” He pauses.

“You’re honestly the most beautiful person I know.”

"…You think I’m beautiful and kind?”

Seungbae vigorously pats his chest, pressing his lips. His face flushing harder.

“..who wouldn’t after getting to know you?”

Yoonbum chuckles under his breath, murmuring, “..your so confusing.”

The frenzied electro-pop music that had dominated the start of the night started to shift into slower paced music, once a lively crowd turning into flamingos, hugging one another. The array of lights that had strobed around the room, became still, and took a dark tone of vermillion red, consuming the room like it was the red-light district.

Yoonbum had felt the heat rise upon his neck, sensing that with the change of scenery, had now shifted the light-hearted mood he had tried so hard to keep. No amount of alcohol wasn’t going to reverse it by any means anymore. Seungbae finishes his last shot, wiping the remaining residue off his mouth and looks into the distance of the crowd.

As his eyes remain sucked into the force of what appeared to be the abnormal frequency of sensualism, Seungbae says, “do you want to dance?”

Yoonbum held his seat, the build-up of sweat increasing on his nape. He gulps.

“Huh?”

“..It just seems like their having a good time. But we don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Yoonbum had not expected his night would go like this. He hadn’t anticipated that he would have ever had to fail an attempt at warding off a woman of her target, only to be spectacularly lucky at the end when seungbae had shut her down. He hadn’t expected that they would drink like this, be as close as they are now and have seungbae describe him with adjectives he could never see himself as.

He had never ever expected that as the night progressed, seungbae would ever ask to dance with him, let alone with all those people who looked they wanted to eat each other alive. The territory that they were about to delve into felt too risky. Yoonbum bit his upper lip. But he didn’t want to refuse.

“No.. its ok. I want to dance.”  Hesitantly standing up from his seat.

“…You sure?” breaking his trance and staring into yoonbums eyes instead.

“Yeah. Like you said.. it does seem fun.

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