#my journey is starting i didnt mean to suddenly drop this on here but i just wanted to do a life update a bit

[cola-vampire]

Recently

I went to therapy for the first time, and one of the things he had me do was write a sentence on a sticky note. I instantly wrote about Layton and it involved eternal diva bc it was on the mind lmao

#i got more follow ups this month :)))) #i didn't know how much i have been downplaying my depression because they had to uh.... do precautions #thats the best way for me to put it #my journey is starting i didnt mean to suddenly drop this on here but i just wanted to do a life update a bit #sooo yeaa thats the update on me this month #i hope to start writing soon when i get to breathe from all of these appointments

[avasnotalee]

hiiiiii i made another terrible miraculous t-word fic lol

Word Count: 1383

Ship: MariChat

Switch!Mari Switch!Chat Noir

It was yet another night of waiting on a desertedrooftop for Chat Noir, as he waited for Ladybug. Although he knew she was busy being the new guardian of the miraculous, he couldnt help but wish his partner were there with him. Chat missed the nights they shared, when they leaped from building to building; making sure everything was in order. He missed the jokes and remarks they exhnaged.. he missed it all. Then he thought of the most hurtful time he had been stood up by Ladybug, and how he went to Marinette’s place. He had begun to go there more frequently on the days he was left to patrol himself, as marinette was good company, although he could never stay there for very long.

As everything in Paris seemed in order, Chat Noir made his way to the rooftop of the Dupain-Cheng family’s bakery. With a knock on the little trap door, Marinette popped up to answer it. Before Chat had came, she was very busy learing about her new responsibilities as the guardian, but thankfully she had her new kwami friends to help her through the journey. Those new friends of course, had to hide in marinette’s miracle box, which the box itself was safely hidden in a pink dollhouse on her desk.

“Oh, um- hey Chat!” Marinette exclaimed nervously, she was not prepared for his presence, as she was deep into her studies.

“Hey Marinette, Ladybug didnt show for patrol again tonight, and I was wandering if I could hang with you a while to feel less lonely?”

“Yeah! Of course, come on in.”

Suddenly, it hit marinette like a brick that she still had all of her pictures of Adrien up in her room! (not that it mattered, becuase they were for research purposes only, right?)

“wAIT- hold on my room is uhhh- a little messy.. um.. yeah! wait here for a minute.”

suddenly, the trap door was closed in Chats face.

“Shes a terrible liar” Chat thought to himself

“What is she hiding?”

Marinette came back with a nervous smile plastered across her face

“Okay all clean like a bug in a rug! super sparkely- nice haha..”

“Are you okay mari?”

“Oh me? what? pshhh yeah im great”

“ooookay then”

Chat noir climed down the steps into Marinettes vibrant room

“Soooooo what are you really hiding from me?”

“Me? Hiding? Something? I have no secrets from you Chat Noir” Marinette nervously giggled

“Are you suuuuuure?” Chat teased, lightly poking her in the side

A high pitched squeal escaped mari’s lips, causing chat noir to give her a smug look of suspision

“Oh now theres defintley something youve never told me before”

“I have no idea what youre talking about”

“that youre actually pretty sensitive, huh purr-incess?” The blonde teen smirked

“I um.. no-“

without giving Marinette a chance to defend herself, Chat Noir tackled the poor girl to the ground

“cmon chat, were not 5 years old”

“well too bad there is nothing you can do about it” he grinned, pinning marinette at the wrists above her head. Chat proceeded to take his free hand, and start spidering her helpless midsection

Marinette began to buck and squirm “come ohohohon chat noir hahaha” she pleaded

“this is the most convenient way for me to get information out of you, isnt it marinette?”

“nohohohoho theres nothing to hide hahahaha”

“I know how to get you to tell me”

Chat began to dig and wiggle his thin fingers into her underarms

“PLEHEHEHEASE CHAT NOIR NAHAHAHA” Marinette threw her head back in laughter, with her legs kicking out in front

“Please what? Keep going? Sure I will!”

“ILL GET YOU SOHOHOME FOOD FROHOHOM THE BAKERY PLEAHEHEASE STOHOHOHOP!”

Chat Noir let up his fingers to think about the deal

“hmm I could go for a macaroon right about now. I’ll set you free, but the macaroon has to be grapefruit.”

Marinette lay on the ground panting “fine, I’ll get you your grapefruit macaroon.”

She got up to get the treat, and as she quietly went down the stairs, it struck Chat Noir that he may be able to find what she was hiding while she was gone.

Chat looked everywhere, but couldnt find anything interesting. Just as he was about to give up, he noticed a diary free on marinettes desk. As soon as he was able to walk over, he could hear marinette coming up the stairs. He quickly grabbed the book but didnt get the chance to open it.

Marinette walked into her room to see Chat Noir standing very awkwardly, with his hands behind his back.

“Um, Chat? What do you have?”

“Nothing. Why do you ask?”

“Obviously becuase youre hiding something behind you.”

“No I’m not, I’m just respectfullly holding my hands behind my back. Did you get the macaroon?”

“Of course I did” Marinette extended her hand to give him the macaroon. Although the grapefruit macaroon that she makes weekly was reserved for adrien, she considered making another one another time would be worth it to get out of Chat Noir’s Claws

As he went to grab his snack, Mari realized his other hand was still behind his back. He was definitley hiding something.

“Chaaaaaaat, what do you have?”

“I already told you, I dont have anything.”

Marinette ran behind Chat, and got a glimpse of her diary just before he was able to turn around. He shoved the whole macaroon in his mouth, then held the book high above her head, just out of reach.

“Hey! I need that!” Marinette whined, jumping to get her diary back.

“You didnt read anything in it did you!?”

“Not yet”

“I really need that back chat”

“onlly if you can reach it first”

of course Mari couldnt reach it. She defintiley wasnt short, but she was not near as tall as Chat Noir. She remebered once when she had tickle_ him as Ladybug, so it was definitley one of his weaknesses. If she couldnt reach, shed need to use another method to get back the holder of all her deepest secrets

Marinette scribbled Chat Noir’s underarms, causing him to pull his arms down to protect his sensitive spots

“H-Hey! You cant just- nahaha” He then dropped the book and Marinette put it back in her super safe box for it.

“Now its payback time!”

“What- why? nO-“

Marinette then tackled the flustered cat “Why not? Dont tell me youre ticklish Chat

Noir!” Of course she already knew the answer, but seeing him turn all red and shy about it was just too cute to miss out on.

“God I hate that word. I hate even saying it out loud.”

“aweee but its such a presious word! tickle tickle tickle kittyyyy”

Marinette began to teasingly poke Chat Noir’s sides, and watched as he started to panic

“no mari wait- nohohoho you cahahant just nahaha” he tried to push her hands off his torso, but he was already weak with laughter

“poor ticklish chat, having your weakness used against you and Ladybug isnt even here to help.” She cooed, spidering his tummy

“noHohO I- plehehease I cahahahant! hahaha” Now he was the one pinned with his legs kicking beneath marinette being straddled on top of him

“dont let any akumatized villans find out about your little secret, itd be over for you within 30 seconds! Escpecially around your your hips~”

“hohohow did you- AHAHAHAHA MARI IM GONNA DIIIIHIHIE AHAHAHAHA!”

Chat thrusted and bucked in attempt to get the strong girl off of him, but it was practically useless as he was rendered imobile given his situation.

“MARI HAHAHHAHA I CAHAHAHANT!”

“Ill tell you what kitty, if you say the word tickle, I’ll let you go.”

“BUHUHUT I CAHAHAHANT NAHAHAHA!”

“its such an easy word to say, if you refuse to say it, im just gonna assume that you must like being tickled”

“NOHOHOHOHO I DOHOHOHONT”

“then say it.” Mari grinned down at him

“TIHIHIHIHI NAHAHAHAHA” Chat Noir’s laughter went silent

“okay fine you were close enough” she sat on the floor next to him and played with his hair as he still giggled out the phantom tickles

“youre sure protective of that book arehehent you?”

“eh, it was mostly just an excuse for me to get you back.”

“thats so mean.”

ty for reading! If you have any story requests pls send lols

#miraculous tickles #tickle #miraculous ladybug #mlb tickling #mlb tickles #tickling #t-words #im cry this took way too long for how it turned out wtf #marichat asf tho

[dantelionwishes]

I WANNA HEAR D'S THOUGHTS ON JEN'S QUESTION Spill the beans! You've even got me curious now!

“Do you think Rose is a good person?”

I’ll answer not just Jen’s question, but generally thoughts surrounding D and Rose’s relationship!! It’s gonna be long because I think about this a WHOOOOOOLE lot, and I seriously mean a whole lot,,, so read ahead!

btw, if you think Rose is a bad person and D hates him, that’s where you’re mistaken! IT’S MY STORY MY HEADCANONS SO IF U DONT WANNA READ THIS THEN DONT BRO HJASGJHASHJ

PRE-ETERNATUS, CHALLENGER ARC

Ive mentioned before, but D and the chairman had a fairly good relationship!!

In-game, rose is very interested in the player and talks to you a lot, so honestly not much changes here

D, in his challenger phase, is forcibly very loud and flamboyant. being overly animated and confident, he’s able to keep up with rose who likes to chat and banter with him 

When d talks to people, he KNOWS he’s being over-the-top, which is why he feels very awkward doing it (when people point it out, it makes it painfully awkward and embarrassing for them. Point in case: bede and Marnie!)

Rose finds him a very interesting trainer and observes D a lot. Its not hard to notice how hard he’s trying, but rose doesn’t point this out and genuinely moves along with what D’s vibes are as to not make him feel any more humiliated 

D is aware that Rose is playing along with his act, and thanks to this it really builds up trust like!! Oh the chairman isn’t making fun of me and genuinely finds me interesting and strong!!!! the chairman!! What a morale boost!!!!!! 

Again, its genuinely (funny and) awkward when D is being his over-the-top animated self, and its easy to point this out (which most people do, from his rivals to other trainers, to even gym leaders) but the only people who dont actively point it out AND act along would be his mom, hop, Leon, and rose! 

in addition, D has a pretty high-pitched voice so its easy to tell he’s trans?? He was worried he was going to be misgendered by such an all-important person like the chairman, but was surprised when rose immediately was just comfortable with calling him a “young man”

Another cute trivia thing during this stage was that they both are wearing shades for their “incognito mode” and D even gives the chairman some fashion tips for the next time he goes out!

It actually pisses off bede with how much rose and d talk;;;;;;  def one of the reasons why d and bede fight hhhh

The part of the plot where they head to rose tower, D was actually very against it in the beginning, saying that he could actually just try and call up the chairman if he wanted to! He tries and tries, but then starts to panic once he does in fact realise that something isnt right 

Even after storming thru rose tower and defeating oleana, d eVEN TRIES TO INVITE ROSE TO THEIR DINNER (MY BOY IS THINKIN: A DINNER WITH HIS FAV PPL!! HOP, LEON, AND ROSE!! the only one missing would be his mom) ……….but r-rose dismisses it with a smile, saying maybe next time…………..

D is a meek, insecure person who is easily broken down, so he really needs a lot of support to keep moving sO JUST IMAGINE this baby boy who puts trust in someone suddenly goes batshit and you have to defeat them with ur own hands????? Wowza. 

POST-ETERNATUS, NEWLY APPOINTED CHAMPION

OH BOY EVERYONE KNOWS HOW THIS FUCKIN GOES IF THEY REMEMBER MY FIRST POSTS JHASGJHHJAS

Ive already shown this via an illustration + a short Drabble, but its only after the eternatus battle that their father-son relationship is revealed

The game really doesnt show how serious the eternatus battle was, but for me: Leon was hospitalised for quite some time and wasn’t allowed to battle D until he healed up. At the same time, this gave D a lot of time to think about wHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED

I dont mention it, but this is where his gym leader au starts off from the canon timeline!! At this point, D is calling his mom or talking to hop or just locking himself up and is just generally in a panicked state where he feels like dropping out of the challenge, feeling overwhelmed with what just happened

ANYWAY IM HERE TO TALK ABT ROSE AND D but lets just say his Pokemon convince him to continue!!   

at the same time of his win, gossip went around quick and not only is D now very popular for suddenly defeating the unbeatable champion Leon, but is actually the “villainous” chairman rose’s son!??!?!?!??!! 

POOR SON BOY IS OVERWHELMED ONCE MORE, HELP HIM.

He actually escapes to the isle of armour + crown tundra as a way to give him time to think about this more (isle of armour: personal time for himself to think alone, crown tundra: chance to spend time with relatives he didn’t know he had) 

OK GENUINE RELATIONSHIP ANALYZATION TIME:

After becoming champion, he really didnt go see rose at all, feeling a plenty mix of frustration, sadness, anger, betrayal, but!! his feelings dont simply surround the “oh the adult I trusted was actually bad and lied to me“ or “wtf hes the dad who wasn’t there for me and is the reason why mom is alone how dare he” IT REALLY WAS A MIX OF BOTH HGHHGHH

But its BECAUSE he was close to him in the first place that he knows rose wasn’t just….straight up a bad person or a villain

The important part here was that rose and D were close during the challenger part, and our lad had a lot of time to think about how he was simply a good, misguided man

rose is very passionate about the things he cares about, to the point of doing anything and everything for them (ex. Awakening eternatus for Galar’s sake to the point of accidentally getting darkest day, or even working hard for Miriam’s sake to the point of accidentally never being there for her anymore) 

Yeah, d talked to a whole lot of people to think this over. He learned what happened between rose and his mom while talking to her, and D also learned what happened between peony and rose to further understand what’s up!!

In the process, I like to think both Miriam and peony dont hate rose! D was also an important factor in helping the both of them realise and clear up a few things, and at least, in their minds, stay on good terms with rose 

During both DLC arcs, D is silent at first but slowly n surely starts sending small letters to Rose :’))

YAY ACTUAL INTERACTION????

After a lot of thought on his self-journey, its safe to say that D had felt a lot more comfortable, finally talking to rose after the galarian star tournament arc !!

Ive mentioned before, but its not like D has to start from scratch since they had a good relationship as challenger and chairman beforehand anyway

D wants a dad! He does want to meet his dad, and at the same time rose regrets not making time for his lover and future family, so I’d say after pushing away the initial negative awkwardness they do both have the same, genuine goal in mind to talk to each other and build a good relationship with each other!!!!!!

Ive also said before but like ONE OF D’S FEARS IS…..”WHAT IF I MEET MY DAD AND HES TRANSPHOBIC” YKNO???? So knowing that rose already thinks hes already perfect in his eyes, IT REALLY DOES WONDERS TO A YOUNG BOY YKN O ?? ? ? ? ?? 

Uhhhhh honestly I really dont know how jail works and shit sO LETS JUST SAY D VISITS REGULARLY IF HES NOT BUSY WITH CHAMPION DUTIES!!!

Also I have nO idea what oleana means by “WHERE IS CHAIRMAN ROSE” cos like….iSNT HE JUST VIBIN IN JAIL??????? Lets just say he is sdghjjhsdhj

TL;DR

D had a lot, and I mean A LOT, of time to think about Rose. He does not have any ill intentions or feelings towards him, and the two have a hopeful, slowly budding father-and-son relationship. 

#kamiart #i ansr #how dare you enable me #7.5k words..........THIS IS INSANE. #trainersona #chairman rose #Miriam (mum) #peony #there are so many words here I just hjjahsghjhjHJAJGSHHJSA #IS IT TOO MUCH #HAHAHAHAHAHA #I HOPE ITS GOOD LIKE #UH #CHARACTER STUDY KINDA #LMAO

[shiir00oo]

If i would have to say when this chapter takes place in the anime i would say about a few days before the Kalos League I guess?

Idk somewhere between those times.P.S i just fixed some writing errors-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An Unexpected Reading Partner

The Pokemon Center still shone bright from the dark atmosphere outside and behind the building was a young raven haired boy training his pokemon, A Greninja, Pikachu,Hawlucha,TalonFlame and lastly a Noivern all together, the boy knew fully well that he had only limited time before came the time when the league starts and he was willing to stay up all night to train but he also knew that he would have to give his pokemon time to rest so he ordered them to retreat back infront of him, the boy smiled "You did great today guy's we'll surely win the league after all our hard work!" Ash exclaimed pumping a fist into the air as his pokemon let out cries of joy Ash then looked up at the sky and saw the moon almost at its full peak "Its getting late,I think its time to head in" Ash said as he started pulling out his pokemon's respective pokeballs and pulling them back in, Pikachu however leaped back up his shoulder and began taking a nap, Ash chuckled a bit and petted his partner gently and began walking back inside the pokemon center and towards the room of which he rented out for him and his traveling companions,

Once he entered the room he found two beds already occupied by the two lumiose siblings but immediately realized another bed was empty, he scanned the room for a sign of the honey blonde haired girl and eventually found her sitting on a couch reading what seemed like a book from under the shelf of the television, the girl didnt seem to have noticed Ash coming in seeing as she was so sucked into her book, the boy raised an eyebrow in curiosity,wondering what type of book she was so engrossed in that she hadnt even noticed him entering the room,he chuckled a bit from her determination to finish that one book even if she was looking a bit tired, unfortunately his light chuckle managed to grab the attention of the busy honey blonde "Ash! Your back!" Serena beamed and Ash smiled back "Yep,figured my pokemon could use a little down time, even pikachu agrees" he said gesturing by pointing towards his mouse like partner now sleeping on top of his head, this earned a giggle from the girl on the couch "Anyway, what happened to those two?" Ash said while walking towards his own bed and placing his partner upon it then pointed towards Clemont and Bonnie, Serena turned her head following the direction of his finger "Oh them? Im guessing Clemont was really tired from running all the way here, I mean once we entered the room he actually just went face first unto the bed, and Bonnie? Im not entirely sure to be honest, I dont know maybe she was just exhausted from being really hyper on the way here?"Serena explained earning a laugh from Ash "And how about you? Arent you tired?" Ash asked taking a few steps closer to the girl eventually ending up standing infront of her, making the honey blonde blush ever so slightly although that moment didn't last long as she was suddenlt interrupted by herself yawning all of a sudden this earned a light chuckle and a small smirk from the boy infront of her "Yeah, But i thought it wouldve been rude to sleep when you havent even came back the room yet,then i found this book and decided to read it to, I dont know, pass the time while waiting for you," She came to a pause and looked back at the pages of her book "And turns out this book is really interesting, i honestly got so intrigued by it when i reached the 5th page" She explained her eyes roaming left to right reading the book "It must be if your still up reding it," Ash responded "Say, what's the book called?" Ash asked as he sat down next to the girl earning another slightly darker tone of red from her cheeks but of course Ash hadnt noticed that small detail "Well its called 'Amour Journeys' (fite me i couldnt think of another book title lmaooo) its about a girl and a boy with their group of friends traveling around the world with their pokemon but that girl and boy had feelings for each other and didnt know how to tell each other" Serena rambled on, seeing her so happy about something always made a smile on Ash's face beside her,  laughing a bit he then said  

"So its that good then?" Ash asked raising an eyebrow in amusement Serena then nodded with a big smile on her face twisting her self to face him while doing so, she shoved the book inches away from the boy's face expecting him to be able to read it but from that angle it was nearly impossible but she hadnt processed that bit just yet "See! It's really romantic!" Serena gushed out dreamily as she retreated back to her previous sitting position and continued on reading, a smile still evident on her face, her words got Ash intrigued and honestly he was not one for reading but if Serena spoke so highly of it he thought it wouldnt hurt so he could gave it a look, he leaned in closer to the girl earning another blush from her but nonetheless she kept silent and continued on her reading but unfortunately the feeling of Ash's warm breath just at the edge of her neck tingling her was now starting to be distracting her and now she couldnt keep her mind straight, Ash had finished both pages and was expecting Serena to flip to another one but weirdly she never did,he look at the girl to see she was looking a bit, Overwhelmed(?) "Uhh Serena are you okay?" Ash asked completely oblivious to the situation he trapped the girl in "Uh-H YeS im f-Fine!"she stammered out and used her shaking fingers to turn the page and the both of then continued reading.

A few more minutes went by, maybe 20 or 30? But either way time had went by and weirdly enough Ash found himself enjoying the book and was now totally sucked into the story however Serena grew even more tired by the minute, every so often her eyes drooped close but bolted back open when she felt herself falling asleep, Ash seemed to notice her groggy behavior but didnt say a word and continued reading 'ill wait till she falls asleep, then ill take her to bed' he thought to himself.

Another 10 minutes went by and Serena couldnt keep herself awake much longer, she gave into her exhaustion and closed her eyes shut completely forgetting about the fact that right next to her was Ash who was reading with her, her hands was still gripping the sides of the book but her head was dropping down and eventually landed on Ash's shoulder.

Noticing the sudden weight on his shoulder he looked down to see the honey blonde peacefully asleep on him, he didnt know why but he felt a small tinge of warmth crawl up his cheeks,but he didnt mind it and honestly he quite enjoyed it but he figured Serena would liked it if she were in a much comfier and comfortable position rather than just sitting up.

He then carefully took the book out of her grasp which was quite easy to do so, seeing as her hands were loose and relaxed, he placed the book down beside him then looked at the girl sleeping on his shoulder once again, he smiled then altered his position for him to lift the girl up in his arms like how a newly wedded couple would hold his wife, he then walked to his bed seeing as it was the closest to the couch and placed her right next to pikachu who had seemed to notice the figure laying down beside it and immediately cuddled up next to the girl, who subconsciously wrapped her arm around the pokemon like it was some sort of stuffed animal, Ash smiled and laughed lightly at her child like demeanor when asleep, his thoughts were cut short when he suddenly felt a gush of cold air brush right past him and immediately realized the his bed was right infront of the air conditioner and that without a blanket a person sleeping on it would most likely be freezing and shivering while asleep, so he took off his electric blue jacket and placed it on his pokemon aswell as the honey blonde,thinking that merely his jacket wasnt enough, he went to the tip of the bed and lifted up the comforter that was neatly folded and placed it just above the shoulder of the honey blonde aswell as his pikachu.

He noticed a stray strand of hair infront of the girl's face and made a sudden move of tucking it back behind her ear, he found himself entranced by the girl's face,her beauty perhaps (a shit here we go again with the sappiness and cheesiness, great job me-)

He felt a familiar warm feeling crawl up his cheeks once again, he then stroked the girls hair wondering how ones hair could be so smooth even though the wind and air outside was so humid to make even his own hair frizzy but nonetheless he liked the feeling of her honey blonde locks, he stopped doing that thinking it was rather weird then stood back up and walked towards a nearby light switch and flicked it off and then found himself back on the couch, he didnt bother changing seeing as the other havent aswell and the cold air wasnt that much of a bother for him infact he kind if liked it, he then glanced back at his bed where Serena and his pikachu laid sleeping peacefully and smiled to himself and eventually found himself dozing off aswell.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...little did they know Bonnie saw the whole thing from under the thin sheets of her bed.

Oh boi they gon have a buncho questions for the next day I-

Shhshs k thats it i have nothing else to say

So like

Chao~

#amourshipping #satosere #pokemon #fanfiction #oneshot #wattpad #lmaoplsfollow #jk #hope u like lol

[normal-thoughts-official]

At what exact moment do you think malec fall in love?that moment in 1×06 when Magnus uses Alec's strength and then falls down exhausted? It's such an underrated moment but one can write a whole essay on it

as a matter of fact, yes, i do believe it was the moment in 1.06 (there is a reason it is my header, after all) and im really glad u asked because its one of my favorite moments and Ive been thinking of making a post about it in forever but never got to it so [cracks knuckles]

well, actually, i think 1.06 was the moment magnus fell in love. i dont know when alec fell in love, to be honest - i think with him, it was just something that kind of settled and clicked into place, you know? there was that attraction and there was the fact that magnus was an amazing person who had amazing chemistry with alec and who fought for him and extended his hand and tried to comfort him without judgement when no one would really allow him to be himself - and who gave him a space to be more of him than any other. but i dont think there was a precise moment when it hit Alec, and suddenly he had fallen; i think he realised he loved magnus when he said he loved him, but at that point it was already cemented. alec is a steady, careful guy; when he falls, he falls hard and becomes an absolute imbecile but until then it kind of settles in slowly, lodges itself inside of him until its carefully in place, and he doesnt really know when it happened. honestly, i relate to that because that's how it works for me, too.

but with Magnus, it was a little different - he had closed himself off from love for centuries, and while obviously he only fell in love with alec because he was already on the pathway to recover and had been for a while now, sure and steady (alec is definitely the right person for him, but he also came at the right time, cuz if he hadnt Magnus wouldnt really be able to allow himself to give in to the obvious pull they had), breaking that kind of wall is hard and is, for many people, something that happens suddenly, all at once, like the crash of a tsunami wave; it kind of isnt there until it suddenly is, flooding out and filling you. and with magnus that's definitely what happened; he had a click moment, when suddenly his walls were down and he found himself feeling, despite himself

you can see a clear difference in how magnus treats alec in 1.04-05 and how he does in 1.06. in 1.04-05 hes flirty, yes, obviously interested, but hes doing it teasingly, playfully, confident in a way that is only possible when theres not much on the line. don't get me wrong, i dont think he was using alec or lying to him - that's not the kind of person Magnus is at all - i just think that it was harmless flirting and interest with not much at stake. he was keeping his kind of playboy, devil-may-care persona (with the exception of the moment when he told alec there was nothing to be ashamed of, because of course magnus "compulsive emotional support" bane would immediately drop the act when he sees someone struggle. ugh. and alec notices this, too, all right, he can see right through to the person magnus really is in that moment, even if he closes himself off). and that wasnt even just in front of Alec; the whole "playing hard to get, i love a challenge" thing was after alec had hung up, there was no one there, he was just talking to himself the dumb dork and it is clear there is not much at stake for him here; he isnt in love, so theres no chance of heartbreak

compare that to the way he acted during drinks with Alec in 1.06. its a completely different person. even in his posture, the way he looks at Alec and moves around him, his facial expressions, theres a softness and vulnerability that just wasnt there at any point before (did yall thank Harry Shum Jr for ur rights today? seriously the man is such a great actor his talent is unbelievable). and for magnus to allow himself to be vulnerable- well, that's big. that's what he was scared of, after all. that's what has brought him hurt and made him swear off romantic relationships for so long

and he says this; he opens up to alec, a person he barely knows, tells him a little about his past, tells Alec hes unlocked something in him. it's not harmless flirting anymore, its not just a mere pursuit of someone hes casually interested in; theres something way, way deeper going on, and this is abundantly clear throughout the whole scene and every single one of magnus' actions. magnus has fallen. this is serious now; hes feeling things he didnt even remember how to, and his entire demeanor changes.

and look, that's really important to me, okay, because i hate the whole love at first sight thing. so when i started watching sh, i was kind of turned off from malec because i was like "oh theyre gonna suddenly fall in love for no reason" but no. that's not what happened. they had attraction, and chemistry, yes, for sure, definitely, but the feelings that sparked inside of them were very much real and solid and built organically, even if quickly. malec is so powerful because their attraction and devotion to each other makes sense, and because their relationship is so trusting, happy, fun, and healthy.

so lets go to 1.06 - the defining moment, the big game changer for the both of them. i know the exact milisecond magnus falls in love - its this one

(gif isnt mine, i had it saved on my phone and dont remember who made it; if you do, please let me know so i can credit them)

bitch, you are seeing it happen!!! you're watching it, right now!! the way he looks up and his whole face changes; he goes from heavy breaths to these little puffs of air, looks up at alec in awe, and it's all over his face, the softness in his features, the open vulnerability hes showing for the very first time in the entire show - even when he was almost running out of magic, he still looked way more put together than he does in this moment; in here he is open, he has no masks, and hes absolutely soft and open and vulnerable. and you can see it dawn on him too, the realisation that he let alec in, just late enough for it to be too late. it's done. god, i cant fucking believe harry shum jr invented acting. like holy shit, dude

and alec sees it too; in this moment he looks down and he sees the vulnerability in magnus' face and he knows this is the real magnus; that's what he looks like without all the walls and masks, and it's just- beautiful. incredible. you can see the love and the softness inside of him and it's just so easy to find a home in those eyes of his, and ugh, i might be changing my mind, this was the moment alec fell in love too

but anygays, why now, right? what was the big gamechanger in this scene?

well, first of all, id like to stress again, just for good measure, that magnus was already well on his path to recovery from abuse and beginning to open up again; his journey through finding self love and strength to stand on his own feet and be able to open himself for others is his and his alone. alec could be his perfect match (and he is) (fuck it i dont care they are perfect for each other, i never really thought there was such a thing even in fictional couples but shit dude they really are as perfect as it gets, malec truly invented love its unbelievable) and it still wouldnt matter if magnus wasnt ready not only to open up, but to get in a relationship as his own person, and not putting himself down like with camille. of course, he still has a long way to go, and recovery is not a straight line, so he still does things like not tell him when hes hurt and downplay his own pain so as not to "annoy" him or whatever, but he is on equal ground. the very first thing that happens when they finally get together (after the whole wedding ordeal) is, they fight. because alec was being an asshole and treated magnus badly and was really rude and magnus was hurt and he was tired of always being the one to chase after Alec, and he told him that. that's extremely important, because it establishes that Magnus isnt just running after Alec or doing anything for him - he wants a mutually fulfilling relationship and hes willing to fight for it, demand it, not accept less than it. and that's fucking recovery right here, folks. it's so hard for previously abused people to do that. so hard. it still is hard for him, but hes doing it. so, again: Magnus' journey to opening up and finding space for a healthy relationship in his life is his and his alone. and they were lucky as shit to have met when they did.

so, with that being said: 1.06 (god, this answer is such a mess, im ndjdjdidicn). you can see magnus fall in love, right then and there. the moment it happens: when he falls, and realises Alec is still holding him, making sure hes steady. not just that, but holding his hand (despite that being totally unnecessary now), and asking him if he's okay.

it's really unsubtle symbolism (and i mean that in the best possible way): Alec holding him when he fell symbolizes support; holding his hand symbolizes caring, because he could just hold him as to not let him fall, but the fact that hes holding his hand shows that hes trying to support him not just physically, but emotionally; and asking if hes okay shows genuine worry and desire to listen to his needs. again, really unsubtle; but fuck it, that's also part of what makes it powerful, because when was the last time magnus had that, that open caring and supporting and reaching out for him? i mean, obviously Magnus has his friends who are amazing and great to him, but this feeling, of being cared for, so easily, so openly, so obviously, from someone who barely knows him, hell, from a shadowhunter - this is new. both because he hasnt really allowed it - after all, you need to fall for someone to catch you - and because he just. hasnt had that. every time before, when he showed vulnerability, he had his wounds open wide and used against him - with asmodeus after his mom, with Camille after whatever happened that made him consider suicide. and then suddenly this guy shows up, and Magnus didnt even mean to be vulnerable in front of him, not really, he was supposed to hold it, but he does and what he finds is just- caring. worrying. sweetness. a grounding presence and touch. alec is completely focused on him, and isnt rushing him to get back on his feet or anything - hes just holding him and being there for him. he wasnt even looking for it, and suddenly there it is - that trust and reciprocity hed been craving for so long.

and yeah, its unsubtle, but that's also there in more subtle ways; magnus asks for his help, and alec comes without questioning, even if he's mad with pretty much everyone involved. he asks Alec to give him his strength, and he does, openly, without walls - dude, that is so intimate, and you can see how easily the magic flows between them; that's something that can only happen so smoothly if the required trust is given without a second thought. alec is giving his life force to this guy, whom he barely knows, and he doesnt hold back at all - Magnus needs it, he gives it. easy, simple. trusting. an open, clear connection. hes worried about Magnus from the start; he gets in and his first reaction is yelling for magnus and kneeling beside him to make sure hes okay. hes already kind of holding magnus even before magnus falls; he puts himself in a position where hes kind of supporting magnus' weight, and just focuses on giving magnus what he needs. up to this point no one even bothered to ask magnus what he needs. and look, Alec isnt perfect, and he definitely still has his prejudices and ignorance at this point, but this is something special. having someone just give it their all to make sure ur okay, from the get-go, trusting you like that- that's not everyday. specially not for magnus. I think maybe Magnus wouldnt even have lowered his guard enough to have that stumble if Alec hadnt been so easily showing him hes in there together with him, as equals, without so much as a second thought- magnus' persona is polished. hes been through worse without stumbling both before and after. his guard was already down, because Alec had been showing himself to be trustworthy from the start.

and after that, it just keeps going. alec helps him clean up his apartment, without being asked, long after everyone else has already gone - he listens to Magnus talk about his past, attentively, without judgement. he even shows some vulnerability of his own - that fucked-stupid smile when magnus raised his hand to his lips, the glances he throws magnus' way, the way he even manages to talk a bit about his insecurities and confusion; hes opening himself up to Magnus, too. hes smitten. hes interested. the connection is established. he stays the night, and they end up talking all night long, despite the fact that Alec was called to work, and we dont even know about what. we know they are similarly competitive and have a good chemistry, so clearly this was a good, fun talk; but theres something running way deeper in there, too. magnus is showing alec a lot of himself, and alec is not only welcoming it, but reciprocating it as best as he can. that moment of spark isnt gone; it keeps growing, the bond that was formed gets stronger. at this point, Magnus has fallen (i firmly believe that he fell in that exact moment he looked up at Alec) but it gains shape and strength during that night and talk; its a little frustrating because Alec cant face what he wants, but the pull is real and strong enough for it to get stronger, the shapes clearer.

so- yeah. Magnus fell for Alec in 1.06, the moment he realised that he was willing to have his back, to see him as he was and welcome it and treat it with care; and to give him back in return. Magnus fell for Alec when he realised that, somehow, he had already formed the beginnings of a bond with him - the kind that's solid, that means trust and care and effort while also being easy, fun, nice. alec fell for magnus when he looked at him and saw someone that was also struggling with showing who he was, but who wasnt scared; someone who was kind, and good, and willing to listen to him and try to help him and who valued him. and that is so. fucking. important.

#ask #pastaownsmylife #sorry i got a little carried away but lets be real we all knew it would happen #im emo im dying squirtle #sh #shadowhunters #malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #meta #malec meta #magnus bane meta #sh meta #overflowing trashcan

[dimensionwriter]

Love Hidden Within Sorrow

Love Hidden Within Sorrow

F! Demon x Genderless Reader

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Three years. Three long years, you have worked your butt off for this company. You bent over backwards to help make sure that everything ran smoothly and how do they repay you? Fire you for a supposed "better" candidate.

Their excuse being that your good wasn't good enough. And you know what. You were actaully starting to believe them.

You must have been lacking in some way for them to fire you this suddenly. Maybe, you should've worked harder. That might be why they choose the new recruit.

"I was literally in the middle of buying milk when I sense your sadness," someone yelled from beind the couch, the area you decided to be your depressed hole.

A clacking on the red hardwood alerted you that she was making her way around. You really didn't want her to see you like this. It was embarrassing, honestly.

Long, thick, scaley, blood red legs walked towards you and stopped infront of your view. The shape of her legs remind you to dragon's leg. Might even look like a horse leg, if it wasn't thicker and covered in sharp pointy scales.

You willed your watery eyes to continue to move up her body. She was blurry at first, but after a couple of blinks and fallen tears, she became clear.

Her only clothing was a loose tank top with black wrap acorss her chest. For pants, if you could consider it that, she wore a pair of short that look eerily similar to a pair of boxers she brought earlier.

But with this loose and revealing clothing, you could her perfectly sculpted 8 pack abs. Her four muscular arms were either resting down or on her hip, but a single one held a galloon of milk. You felt that she didnt pay for that.

Her bright blue eyes bored into yours as you continue to lay on the couch. Small blue strands of hair escaped from her failed messy bun ontop of her head. She could never do one correctly.

The creature infront of you was your mixed succubus and demon roomate, Anglizera. As a slight joke, you sometimes call her Angel. She doesn't hate it, but instead loves when you use it.

"What's wrong? Who do I need to kill?" She whispered bending down onto her knees and placing her head on the edge of the front of couch. This new position was kind of uncomfortable, since you had to look down at her. And looking down made more tesrs come forward. Or maybe it's because she asked the phrase,"what's wrong?"

"Nothing," you croaked out, flinching out how bad it sounded. No matter how hard you tried to hide your emotion, they always came out around her.

"That was a horrible lie. But I understand if you're not ready to talk about it," she muttered with a sigh in the middle of it. Lifting her head, she begin the process of standing. "But I know what you need."

Her left upper arm reached under your head and cradled your neck while her right lower arm slide under your knees. You didn't put up any resistance as she lifted you off the couch.

"Up you go," she sung with a smile revealing her mouth of sharp teeth. She quickly jumped into the couch and snuggled down until her legs were drangling off the end. Her two free arms moved to your hips to shift you, so you were curled into her side.

"Now, I can't pinpoint the cause of your sadness, but I can feel a lot of self doubt coming out of you," she whispered as her giant hand slowly beging to rub the top of your head, while another rubbed small circles in your back. "And I know for a fact that all those thoughts swarming in your head is false. You are the strongest and most caring human I have ever met. You try your best on everything, even if you sometimes don't believe it's your best. Whatever it is that's causing this sadness, it isn't worth your tears."

Her lower left arm came up to wipe away the tears falling from your eyes. Your body instinctively lean more into her touch.

"My job fired me," you mumbled closing your eyes at saying it out loud. It still hurt. You really thought you were doing great at this job. And they went and fired you.

"It's their fucking lost. They don't know what they are missing. It's their ignorance if they let someone as awesome as you go," she yelled jabbing into the air as if she was yelling at your boss. "And you know what. You were too good for that job and life knew you aren't the type of person to let stuff go. Life probably has an even better job out there waiting on you."

You didn't think of it that way. Maybe she was right. That job did have a couple fo flaws that you were always overlooking.

"Watch you become the CEO of your next business," Angel roared with laughter following. A small smile cracked it's way through your sadness.

You moved your head to look up at Angel to see that her head was already looking down at you. Her blue eyes were twinkling with this shine of proudness. Her arm stopped rubbing your back and wrapprd around your waist.

"I dont think that will happen ," you mumbled trying to joke. An offended scoff escaped her plush lips as she rolled her eyes before returning them back to you.

"Watch it will. You're so amazing that any job will be honoured to have you. I'm telling you. Life may be crap now, but just you wait. Your future is going to be brighter and better than anyone could predict,"she whispered to you as she leaned forward. A small flutter erupted through your heart causing your smile to widen.

"Thank, Angel. I needed that," you said digging your face into her sides. Even though she had scales on her sides, she was still comfortable to cuddle into.

"Hey, I will always be here for you. And just know that I said all this from my heart. You know for a fact I wouldn't hold my tongue for anyone." You nodded your head in agreement. Angel was quite down to earth and hated to sugar coat anything.

"How about this? You go upstairs and clean up. Get in some comfy pjs and I'll cook us something to eat. We could sit down and watch some bad horror movies. How does that sound?"

You answered with a giant smile. Her lips pulled back as she let out a laugh. One of her sharp talons poked your cheeks causing you to puff them out.

"You are so cute," she giggled poking your cheek. You smiled at seeing her giggle. She rarely giggled, but when she did. Gosh, it could melt even the coldest of hearts. "Go get change, so I can get something cooking."

You let out a sarcastic groan, but crawled off her anyway. You made your way around the couch and begin to make your way up the stairs.

"Wait!" Angel yelled causing you to jump and turn towards her. Angel's usually red face was turning to a shade of pink. "You know, you are something special. I mean, extraordinary really. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise."

You know for a fact the first thing you're going to do when you come back down here. She deserved a giant hug.

"And I'm not saying this because you're sppecial to me. Not that I'm saying you're not special. You're extremely special. And I'm still talking. Ignore me and just go get change."

She flopped back down on the couch and a high pitch muffled scream came from her.

Confused and slightly flustered, you begin your journey to your room. What was that last part about?

4 hours later, you laid against Angel as you watched the main character fall for the third time in the row. Even though the movie was horrible, it was the funny type. It was exactly what you needed.

"Hey, you still awake?" Angel whispered next to you. You let out a loud hum to show you were alert.

"So, there's this movie that came out this week and I've heard a lot of people speak positively on it. I was wondering if you would like to see it."

Somthing was off about Angel. The two of you have went to the movies a bunch of times before. But she sound hesistant to ask you. And she's doing that leg bounce that she does when she's nervous.

"Of course," you stated leaning off Angel and turning to look at her. Her blue eyes were glued to the screen as her skin was still that shade of pink. Was she ill?

"I don't mean as a roomate night out. I mean as a da-a date?" Her eyes finally looked towards you. Her face contourted into regret.

"A date?" You asked shocked. Her face fell and her body stiffen up.

"Well, I know you know you just went through something stressful and this is sudden-"

"Yes."

"But I've had these feeling for a long time and I know I'm trying to cross a line here-"

"Yes."

"But I promise to treat you right and to always be there for you-"

"Yes!"

"And I will make sure that this date is awesome and it won't be a flop like any of your exs."

Getting frustrated, you grabbed her face causing her to look back at you. Her pupils shrunk rapidly before slowly moving back normal.

"How many times do you want me to say yes? Yes,yes, yes. My gosh, do you know how happy you just made me?"

Angel's face went confused before realization took over her features. A happy squeal slipped from her mouth as she launched towards you.

All four of her arms wrapped around your waist as she pulled you into her. Her talons rested carefully against your hips as she squirmed happily with you in your arms.

"Gosh, you scared me for a second. I thought you were offended by me asking you on a date," she laughed out giving you a squeeze before plopping back on the couch with you ontop. You giggled as you got on your knees and looked down at her.

Her blue hair pooled around her face making it seem ironically like a halo. All her sharp teeth were present as she held the biggest smile.

"I thought I've been dropping hints all this time, but guess I shouldn't expect much from a demon," you joked poking her cheek. She rolled her eyes in annoyance, but the hand placed on your back told you she got the joke.

"Well, you're going to be dating this big dumb demon and you're going to love every munute of it," she purred lifting her self up and softly placed her forehead against yours. "I will make sure you be treated like a god. And I will worship the ground you walk on."

You let out a nervous laugh as heat crawled up your neck. The tone of the statement and the closeness was so intense . This was unlike Angel, but it wasn't a bad thing.

"We should finish this movie," you quickly exclaimed trying to defuse the tense situation. A low hum came from Angel. She tilted her head and leaned closer to you. A warm pair of lips pressed against your cheek causing you to let out a gasp.

"Sure, baby. But now that I know what your fluster face looks like, I going to keep teasing you to get that cute reaction," she whispered in your ear, not helping the blush at all. Embarrassed, you pushed her back on the couch and face planted on her chest.

"You're so cute," she mumbled with a little laughter at the end. Her left arms wrapped around your back and pulled you closer to her.

She didn't tease you for the rest of the movies, but she continued to show small displays of affection: kisses ontop of the head, rubbing your back, and entwining your fingers with hers.

Angel always made you feel better. Even your worst day, she turned into the best. Whoever said demons were cruel, never tried to date one.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

So, I wasn't planning on releasing anything until my computer got fix, but I can't do that. I actually have people that follow me and I'm so greatful for them. I feel like I will be letting them down if I disappear for months on end. So until my computet gets fixed, I'm going to try to write shorter stories (to try to not irritate the people that don't want to read my stuff). This is like an okay middle ground and I will see where this go.

Anyway plase COMMENT what you think of the story or the character, anything really. My favorite thing is to go back through my stories and read the comments. I also have an open ASK box, so if you want to ask me or my ocs then you can just slide over there. Thank you for reading and enjoy the rest of your day.

#exophilia #monster boy #monster love #monster romance #monster x reader #oc x reader #reader insert #robot x reader #tetro #monsta x #monster x human #monsters #my oc stuff #my ocs #my writing #reader x oc #x reader #dimensionwriter #exo #monster #monster girl #monster x girl #my ocs are my children #writing #demon #demon oc #demon girl #cute girls #demon x human #demon x reader

[flower-of-the-desert]

I know lots of other people have already said this but I’m putting down my own thoughts about Clary’s ending.

Before the ep aired I said that I was against any character losing their memories because then their journey feels wasted. I stand by that but I have to say I actually very much like the idea of Raziel taking Clary’s memories as punishment for disobeying him.

That makes sense. The angels being finally presented as the assholes they are (I mean they did create the shadowhunters who are... what they are so like) and also punishing someone for not bending to their will is perfectly in character for an entity like that and makes sense. That’s what I think anyway. Also Clary bringing Valentine against the will of the angels was one of my biggest pet peeves with the show and one of the biggest plot holes in my opinion because Clary’s powers literally come from the angels - she doesnt just create whichever rune she feels like (at least to my understanding), she creates the runes the angels want her to create. So her going I’mma bring Valentine back from the dead although the angels didnt want her to do that and then following no consequnces for her actions felt to me like a massive break in the world-building of the verse. Also illogical because I couldnt understand how the angels couldnt stop her if they didnt want her to do it.

So I’m so very glad the narrative actually fixed that problem and framed that as the angels warning Clary to stop doing that and when she refused to listen (even if her intentions were good but they are angels, they dont care about good vs bad intentions clearly; otherwise Raziel would have smitten Valentine 20 years ago), punished her.

That’s fine. I like that idea. And I like the idea of Clary and the gang fighting against that unfair punishment and rising against the angels themselves because fuck that noise. Normal brain: the Clave is the enemy; Galaxy brain: the angels are the enemy. Honestly I’m here for that s04.

But, as usual with this show, the idea is good, the execution is a mess. In no particular order:

1) Clary starts losing her runes during the wedding and nobody notices? Her runes disappearing on her very naked arms? The arms that are very visible to everyone? Nobody notices? Mmmmkay.

2) Clary leaves the Institute and after completely losing her memory, just goes on her merry way? She doesnt freak out about suddenly finding herself in the park in the middle of the night? She doesnt wonder how she ended up there or why or why she’s dressed for a party she doesnt remember? Where does she go after that? She has no family, no home, no money, no id, no nothing. How is she going to go back to her old life when there’s literally nothing left of it?

3) How does the memory thing work? Does she just forget the past couple of months that she was part of the shadow world with her previous memories remaining? So the last thing she remembers is the night she and Simon went to Pandemonium? How is she going to deal with the fact that her home is burnt down, her mother, father and best friend are no where to be found and depending on how the mundane side of things is handled she might even be told that her mother and best friend are dead and her father was arrested for mass murder and then disappeared somewhere without a word after getting the charges mysteriously dropped? Or is she going to have some fake memories to avoid all these issues? How much of a dick is Raziel?

4) The characters’ reactions in the fast-forward make no sense and turn Clary’s precious family into a bunch of assholes. It’s been a year and nobody is thinking about her, except Jace? Nobody is trying to help her? Nobody is looking into a way to save her? Everyone is living their best life with their loving partner and like they didnt loss a dear friend because she sacrificed herself to stop her evil brother?

Simon isnt fighting tooth and nail to get his best friend back? The girl he’s loved - whether romantically or platonically - all his life?

Luke is more interested in oggling Maryse on a paddle boat than caring about the girl he literally raised as his daughter and ordered his own pack to die for her sake because he put her before everyone else?

Magnus doesnt care to return the memories of the girl he watched grow up and treated like his goddaughter/niece and the girl he cared enough for to take time away from his own grief to mourn her death at the beginning?

Isabelle is perfectly fine being HOI and dating the best friend of the woman she literally asked to be her parabatai not a year ago? She had the balls to build an angelic sword and go alone to hell but she’s not interested is saving the person who means so much to her?

Alec is living his best life and not giving a shit about the woman he was willing to risk his life and his people’s lives to not let her be alone when she faced her brother? I mean this one admittedly makes the most sense since Alec of all people has the least concern and interest in Clary’s well-being but it still doesnt jive with how adamant he was about having her back.

The memory loss could have been well-done. It could have been heartwrenching and powerful and emotional. It could have done that without shitting on every single character in the process. As it is, I’m left to believe the show that was all about family and bonds ended its finale episode - the same episode where they had one of the characters explicitly talk about the importance of found family - with the main character’s family not giving a single flying fuck about her.

#shadowhunters #sh spoilers #sh meta #sh critical #clary fray #simon lewis #isabelle lightwood #alec lightwood #magnus bane #luke garroway

[kimtaetae16ii]

STORY OF US - DONGHYUCK LEE

Synopsis : in which the elderly knew about your hidden relationship and make you guys broke apart and at the end he came back to fix it all while you were struggling with depression

Warnings : mental illness, mental abuse, violent, light-smut,using curse words alots, easy English grammar XP too cringy, too clingy, might cause frustration

Pairing : Donghyuck x reader (n ur name is Jeannie Pwark)

A/n : this is my first fanfiction of him ever! So yeah those senpai who sees mistakes in my writing do chat me about tht .

_________________________________________

You and Donghyuck had been in relationship for almost 2 years. You were homeschooled back then so did he too. Both of you got same teacher for English subject even for different places. So, to make it easy, the teacher made group chat on WhatsApp so that if anything inconvenient happened she will inform you guys through there. There's many students in there too but Donghyuck attracted your attention. You were the one who started the conversation with him.

He, in the first place actually  dislike you for being too friendly with him and others. He used to hate you too. He hate you for nothing. He thought that you were friendly bitch of no where. Also he was being insecure because he afraid you might be a gold digger to dig all of his family's assets all away. But then, you've proven to him that you are an angel with pure heart so you just being kind towards him until he finally fell on you. Your first-sight crush finally fell on you.

You both lived in rich residents as your father is working as successful businessman while your mother is a successful lawyer in the city of Seoul. Then, both of his parents work in their own business that the profit so fucking higher than Trumph.

done throwback session.

[ Saturday, 1:37 a.m.]

You couldn't close your eyes yet as you already drove in long 9 hours sleep in the late evening. Then you woke at 9 p.m. It just after you woke up, you receive 16 missed calls from him andthe spamming chat is uncountable. Then, you guys been in an arguments which caused he was being mad while you were being sulking.

The clock showed it was almost 2 a.m. and you still cannot close your eyes. The feelings are coming. You want him. You want him to sing you to sleep with his angelic voice. You want his warmth body heated your body so you won't get cold while sleeping in air-conditioner.

then, with feeling guilty you tapped on the number on the light screen after that you pressed the phone on your left ear. hoping he would not be mad at your anymore.

after 30 seconds, he finally picked your call.

"what's the matter now. You disturb my sleep"

his words really hurt your feelings like he unwilingly to answer your phone call but he did anyway.

Donghyuck is not a person who sleep early actually. He's been an owl just want to make sure you are the one who get beauty sleep before him.

"I cannot sleep. will you come over? please ~" you begged him because this is the way for both of you to be peace once again. You need him.

you've heard he sighed.

"i've told you for countless time to not sleep in the late evening or else this will happen. Y/n , you really need good health."

that's why i'm asking you to come over so that my depression will be cured.

"okay. i won't disturb. just continue to sleep. sorry." you end the calls made decision to throw the phone away onto the hard floor.

you hate yourself like the way he used to hate you. you knew who you are. you know how annoying you are how much burden you gave to people surround you especially your family. and because of that, you less attention from them. that's why you need haechan. he's right person to be but not right for you.

You curled up while sitting while buried your face in your lap. Tears finally streaming down on your cheeks.

i hate me. i want to die so bad.

you felt sorry for Haechan to waste his time just for you. you give him nothing in return.

you've been crying so bad that make your body shaking while you mumbling all curse words about how bad you want to die.

Suddenly, you felt hands brushed your hairs from back. When you lifted your face, you saw your precious boyfriend right in front of you. your heart ache but in the same it healed when he pulled you into his arms.

"Haechan-ah~" you called him.

"yes, sweetheart" he replied while pat your back softly like you're a new born baby.

"you still mad at me ?" you broke the hug and faced him looked into his shining eyes.

"Sweetheart, we're good now. do not be overthinking , okay. You'll be fine." he pulled you into hug again then he sang you to sleep.

You fell asleep in his neck then, he changed the position. He laid you down carefully place your head on the soft pillow then he laid next to you.

" sleep tight, Lee's "

[Saturday, 6:40 a.m.]

At the time you woke up, you were left with his fresh cologne on your bed sheets. Your morning felt so good.

you pressed the circled button of your iPhone , then you noticed he leaved you mesage in your personal chatroom saying

'sweetheart, i'm going home. Have a great journey to your grandmother house. XOXO '- 5.35 a.m.

You got big smiled there. You changed the position to sit then after few minutes, you went into the bathroom to wash yourself.

Then, after you already settle up yourself, you went the downstairs and enter the kitchen to get breakfast.

then your 7 years old greeted you.

"hey y/n, i saw man walking out from your room when i want to go to toilet this morning."

you hurriedly cover your little sister's mouth before anybody in this house heard her wrods.

"shhh . don't tell mama"

"mama was with me."

loud of laugh then.

_________________________________________

The way to your grandmother's house was very tiring even you were not the one who drive the car but like you've been stopped at rest area so often plus the weather was very hot for you.

Once you arrived at your grandmother's house, you guys were greeted by the the maids. Then they lead you to the living room. There, finally you met your grandma.

"Heeeyyy ,Oh My granddaughters! Miss both of you so bad !"

Grandma opened her arms as she welcomed us to hug her so we running along until we got into her hug. She kissed our top of head also our cheeks.

"How you've been, Nana?" I asked her while sitting next to her on the couch that made by  animal's skin.

"I'm great!  I just missed you guys so so much!

Kyaa~ Haneul yah!  Why don't you often bring them here? You also didn't always visit me. You know I've been so lonely after the death of your father! "

Mama fixed her hairbun prepared herself to answer Nana's question.

"I'm sorry, Ma. I'm just busy with all my clients-"

"Fuck your clients!  Your mother is more important!"

"Ma, don't be like that. I promise you to visit you as often as needed after all of the cases settled up at the court."

"I don't care. I made decision."

"What decision, Nana? " I, hugged her right arms, looked into her eyes.

She looked at me for second then she turned to face mama back.

"I want both of my grandchild to stay with me"

My heart dropped down-

but my little sister cheered up as she like to be with nana just because nana fulfill her needs.

"Kyaa~" I pushed little bit her head bit getting scolded by my father.

"Park Jeannie!"

"Ma, but Jeannie would enter her university so soon. Also Jane gonna have her first homeschool session." My father suddenly exist in that situation.

"I insist. She can took over the chocolate company after she get her training months."

I saw fire in Nana's eyes. So did my parents too.

Yeah. Even they don't mind about me a lot but they seems won't lose me. like I stil need home cause it's not faraway from haechan.

"Nana-"

"Okay! Let's have our special meals!" She cut me deliberately.

"Yeaayyy.  Nana did you make my favourite Sandwich?"

"Of course, honeybun! Now let's go all of you."

-

At night.

"Fuck. I hate this." You groaned alone on the bed thinking how you would be without seeing your boyfriend for not a single day also after you moved into your grandmother's house soon.

You looked up at the white flower decorated ceiling and that things still wandered in your mind.

You didn't get any phone call from him yet for today. He has been busy with his schedule of being an idol.

He always available at middle of the night.

You turned on the screen then got into your personal chatroom with him.

Babe, I have something to say. Really important.

Sent, 12:32 a.m.

You only got one tick from him. So you just decided to go to sleep even you didnt use to sleep at early bed.

[1:40 a.m.]

You can felt something was vibrating in your hand as you held your phone while you drove to sleep. That's make you woke up in the middle of the night.

Without seeing whose the caller, you answered just like that.

"Heelo sweetheart. Already asleep."

"I can't sleep unless I heard your voices, you know."

"Awwwwww~ so sweet talker."

"Shut up. How was your day during the show?"

"So tired but not full enjoyed."

The atmosphere suddenly turned into serious.

"Whyy babe, are you sick while performing?" You were afraid as he worked too hard just to present great performance to gis beloved fans.

"No. I'm not sick. I'm fine thank you."

"Then what?"

"I'm not enjoy it much as you're not here watching my performance with the members."

You dumbfounded.

"Are you serious, bang-chan?"

Bang-chan means side dishes in Korean.

"Hahahahahaha" you heard him laughed so loudly. You just brought that up again because you watched one of the vlive that Jeno called him Bang-chan when he introduced himself.

Then, you also laughed but not that as hard-core as him.

"Are you done, baby?" You asked him after you heard silent voices.

"N-no" his giggles still there.

"Hahahh, i want to see you so bad right now. But i cant As the network is not giving cooperation with me. So, yeah~ "

"So, you feel like you want to go home?" He asked.

"Yes of course. Home is everything." You looked out the glass window. Spontaneous thought came in.

"Am I your everything too?" He snapped you out by his question.

It took several seconds to reply that.

"Lee donghyuck, you are my last destiny after the world end its life."

"Wahh~" at the end of his word, his soothing voice made you melt.

"Go to sleep now , babe. You tired i know that."

"Love you 3000" you added.

"Love you for infinity numbers."

And that amde you laughed.

"Bye. Have a nice sleep, haechan."

"Okay ."

You end up the call. After that you directly close your eyes and drove to sleep.

A/n : I can't add some more parts as it hit the max length. Tf. If it hit 10 likes, I'll post more ♡♡♡

#nct angst #nct au #nct fanfiction #nct fanfic #nct fluff #nct dream #nct imagines #donghyuck angst #donghyuck imagines #donghyuck blurbs #lee donghyuck #nct donghyuck #donghyuck icons #nct dream donghyuck #Lee donghyuck #lee haechan #donghyuck au #haechan au #donghyuck #haechan #nct haechan #nct 127

[masosade]

A Second Chance

“I would’ve dropped  you off at Neil’s, but he’s been trying my patience lately. So why bother? I am sure someone will come pick you up eventually.” Alice smiled coldly as she watched formerly half-of Maso take his first shaky steps out of the grimdark Office. The body she had salvaged from another unfortunate Stellan - one whose soul had been reincarnated after his young demise – had been patched up and handed down.

"And remember! If you ever come back to cuase trouble in the grimdark Office again, your death will be an exceptionally long and painful one!" Alice chirped, her fingernails digging into Stellan's shoulder painfully. He jerked back, wincing, and averted his eyes.  

“Perfect! I am glad we understand each other. Now, off you go, shoo!”

Stellan turned down the hallway. It was unfamiliar, looked like every other Office they’ve been to. With a sinking heart, he remembered he wouldn’t have Bradley here to guide him. He wished he would’ve paid more attention to their previous travels.

However, the things out there were most likely much better than what he was leaving behind. He felt Alice’s gaze linger a few seconds longer as he limped away, before she vanished back in her Office.

And then Stellan was alone.

His new body ached and stung from the stitches Jagger had put in after it had been rescued from a grave. Its eyes felt weak and its feet clumsily stumbled over each other. Either they had given him a second rate body to sit in, or he had to get used to having a body on his own for the first time in years.

It was ironic, actually. Stellan had dreamed of owning a very own body for himself on many occaisons, one where he could do what he want and go wherever, with no one else there to tell him what to do. Now he just felt cold and empty. He wished Bradley were here to fill the silence. When he reached out for that presence at the forefront of his mind, he felt nothing but hollow numbness, like tonguing a missing tooth.

Finally free and Stellan was fucking miserable.

He made his way down the hallways, taking random turns in whatever direction felt like it could lead him somewhere better. The Lounge sat empty, its seats covered in thick dust and the vending machine leaking with unidentifiable fluids. Not an abnormal sight to see, if rare, but some Offices shut down after their Stanleys and Narrators leave, or are killed, or kidnapped, or fall in love and move to another one, abandoning their original Offices.

It felt like the Universe took great joy in mocking Stellan, reminding him of how utterly alone he was. For the first time in years, he wanted to find a bottle that smelled as strongly as the juices drenching the Lounge’s carpets and drink it until he forgot everything but the burning in his throat. He had curbed his alcoholism nearly a decade prior, dreaming without it he could hold a good job, pull himself out of the mess his life had become and afford starting again in a better community.

Ever since he took the first step for change, accepting an office job promising to uphold a decent lifestyle, things haven’t stopped spiraling downwards.

‘Maybe I should’ve stayed a drunkard,’ Stellan thought bitterly as he focused on placing a foot in front of the other. Both the pain and the fogginess in his mind made it difficult to walk straight.

‘Ending up with liver poison and a friendly face per night would’ve been a much better fate. Hell, I could’ve met someone nice and spent an average life with them. But noo, I had to become a better person and start dreaming. And look where that got me.’

So wrapped up in his self loathing, Stellan didn’t notice another Stanley standing in the middle of the hallway until he nearly ran straight into him. In a flash, his thoughts had vanished and he couldn’t help stare.

The other Stanley...looked normal enough. He had the typical brown hair parted in the middle and messy with a morning look, warm brown eyes, and freckles scattered playfully on his nose. His employee outfit clean and nicely ironed; the nametag which read 'Hi! My name is Stanley!' looked new.

He looked normal but he didnt feel normal. This Office was abandoned, no doubt, so where had he come from? If he were a new Stanley, surely he would be frightened with the change of scenery and lack of directions.

Yet he simply stood there and smiled at Stellan, like they had agreed to meet up and Stanley was happy he came.

"Uhh?" Stellan tried and his vocal cords cringed at the unaccustomed strain. He coughed awkwardly and tried again, this time managing a hoarse mutter.

“H-hey, can you help me? I think I’m lost.”

"Of course I can help!" The Stanley said, his voice surprisingly gentle. He offered his hand for Stellan to take. "Come with me, I can take you somewhere safe!"

His eyes gleamed brightly in the dim hallway and for a moment Stellan wondered if he had stumbled upon another illusion of a Jonathan. Maybe it had been abandoned after the Narrator left and was never taken care of. But when Stellan hesitantly took his hand, it was warm and human to the touch. Not even Jonathan could imagine an illusion that felt so real.

The other Stanley beamed with joy and Stellan glanced away.

The Office looked even worse than Stellan had expected. Beyond the Lounge, as they headed back towards room 427, he noticed some rooms had their ceilings caved in, others with windows shattered. The left door was blocked completely with some filing cabinets but his mysterious guide didn't bat an eye at the havoc.

They turned into another hallway past room 420, and headed deeper. Stellan gave up trying to make sense of where they are going so he focused on the warm hand clutching his. It felt so foreign to be holding it and comforting at the same time.

“You’ve got a long journey behind you, don’t you?” The other Stanley said, sometime after they passed through another portal finally, into another Office. It smelled warm like a heated kitchen and no matter how hard Stellan looked, he couldnt find even one piece of stray paper on the ground.

“You dont know the half of it,” Stellan muttered. He tried to focus on walking, grateful for the hand clutching his. Without it he would’ve surely tripped over his own feet.

“I think I might,” Stanley said, smiling. Stellan shot him a questioning look, but he didn’t offer to elaborate.

“...did someone send you to get me?”

“This way.”

It’s been barely an hour, they couldn’t have known the exact moment I was released, could they?

Whoever they were. Countless of people around the Offices stuck their nosy noses in other people’s business. Stellan could name ten on the top of his head who may have had even the abandoned Offices bugged, grimdarks and the laboratories of one certain evil Narrator included.

Maybe it was desperation talking, or his inability to care about what pain could be further induced on him at this point, emotional or physical. But the other Stanley didnt feel evil. Even if he was mysterious, came out of nowhere and now held a tight grip to his hand as they wandered further into the hallway’s mazes.

If he wanted to hurt Stellan, he could have done it by now.

Unless he is taking you back to the laboratories, a tiny voice quipped.

I’m useless now. Bradley has the body, not me.

You’re not useless. Their whole experiments were centered around pain, werent they? Maybe they’re trying to see how far they can break you.

… then let them. I don’t give a shit anymore, and if they want to fuse me with more Bradleys. I’m tired. I don’t care.

Stanley stopped suddenly in front of a door. He turned back to Stellan and, while he never stopped smiling, it brightened when he looked at him.

“In here.” Stanley said.

“What…?” Stellan glanced at the door. “What’s in there?”

“Oh, didnt I already say? It’s a second chance for both of you.”

Both? Stellan stared in bewilderment and got a knowing smile as an answer.

Wait...

“...Bradley….Bradley is in there too?” How did he get past Alice and her security and her monsters to get him out? She was very clear in what she wanted to do with his other half and how she would maim anyone who tried to free Bradley of his ‘punishment’. Even if the ‘good guys’ wanted to save Bradley, it wouldnt make any sense. Stellan’s own alternate, one of those self proclaimed Office Heroes, even he took part in their capture.

“Life is more than hurting and getting hurt.” The other Stanley continued, infuriatingly vague. “We all have done things we regret, but it doesnt mean we need to suffer for the rest of our lives for it.”

He reached out and cupped his hands around Stellan’s face, and Stel startled at how warm they were. Ever snce Maso – no. Ever since the Office, the hands touching him had been cruel, painful. Cold fingers of scientists prodding, Jagger and his scalpels, agony created by Alice and his very own hands. And yet Stanley’s were so gentle, soft and merciful. Stellan leaned into the touch unconsciously.

His chest stung with an unwanted tightness.

“You’re going to be okay.” The Stanley said. “You and him. I promise.”

Stel was tempted to bite back with sarcasm, but it felt ungrateful to spoil his optimism with bitterness. Instead he hung his head, ashamed.

“We dont deserve a second chance,” he muttered. The hands withdrew from his face and even in the surprisingly warm Office air, Stel felt colder. He waited, but no reply came and when he looked  up again, the hallway was empty.

The other Stanley had vanished.

Stellan sighed and turned back to the door. It looked so simple a few minutes ago and now it seemed more daunting, at the thought of seeing him again. Bradley might blame him for leaving him alone, but Stellan was more afraid he wouldn’t hesitate a second if Bradley offered him a chance to come back.

Anything was better than suffering alone. At least Bradley understood him.

Stellan gathered up his nerves and reached out for the door handle. It stuck, forcing him to rattle it a few times before he managed to get it open. His heart beat hard in his throat.

Now or never, he thought. The door swung open and Stellan stepped inside.

A single desk lamp struggled to light the room, though its glow couldn't reach past the cramped corner in which the cot sat. On the cot, wrapped in a few dozens blankets crouched a figure. Stellan couldn't make out its features so he hesitantly tried a,

"Bradley?"

The figure shuddered. As Stellan took another careful step inside, letting the door swing shut behind him, it shifted and a tired, tear stricken face peered out from underneath the sheets.

Stellan froze and he could feel his heart sink to his stomach.

That wasn’t his Bradley.

#drabble #x i cant do this anymore #dun dun duunnn #also this was started like two months ago #back then alice was still rather annoyed at neil for whatever reason and so she just kicked stel out #she did plan on letting neil have him (for a price ofc) but then something happened and she was too pissed at him to make that offer #well yknow he just trolled her #long post

[caps-clever-girl]

thoughts on endgame.

fair warning, i am not going to be kind. i enjoyed watching this movie, for the most part. it was funny; it had many good jokes and good, pure and well done interactions between multiple characters. but i didnt like it, and here are the reasons why.

unfortunately, this isnt a ‘nitpicky’ post. my main problems are with a lot of the bigger points points of the film, and had quite a few. this is a LONG post.

• “marvels first gay character!!!!!!!!!!!!” shut up. you joined the ‘fad’ late for brownie points and it was a cameo character who got about 3 lines. there are plenty of canon queer and gay characters who could have been introduced, either as cameos or in earlier films. dont even get me started on the fact that tony has more canon bi material than most others and marvel could have taken the time or even the slightest bit of effort to make this. while i enjoyed the jokes about steve being Incredibly Hot and his ass being Gods Gift To America (which honestly??? correct!) that could have been expanded on. several characters made comments about how nice steve’s ass is, and could have been used as actual material for a queer character, instead of sticking a random chharacter in there. i get the whole ‘gay people could be anyone! its normal!’ thing by giving the ‘role’ to a regular person, but you would also prove that by making any one of your 30+ main cast actually queer instead of making gay jokes and hints that could be retconned and explained away by humour.

• slapping someone out of a panic attack, and treating the panic attack like a joke. yeah, i get it, they didnt have a lot of time. still, come on. did iron man 3 teach you nothing? apparently not since tonys ptsd was pretty much never brought up again.

• speaking of thor. now, i am not an expert, but when a person gains weight, they do not keep their abs. certainly not after five entire years - not even asgardians. i also found it odd that thor became the way he did. i understand gaining weight and comfort eating after all the trauma thor went through losing his home and brother and people, i really do, but 1.) do it properly, at least, and 2.) thor is the leader of his people. does he want the task? not particularly. he hasnt wanted to be king since the first thor movie, but hes been forced into the role. even depressed i dont think thor would shy away from it, not completely. hes always wanted to do right by his people and i think that hed stuck to it, especially after The Snap backing him into a corner, if that makes sense. to clarify, i dont have a problem with chubby/fat thor. (IF done right instead of with weird, shitty cgi, that is.) i have a problem with the fact that thor, even though he doesnt want to be king, would abandon the last remanents displaced people to build a new home all on their own and become a hermit gamer boy. ESPECIALLY with valkyrie around. she’s been through a derpressive, alcohol fuelled time in her life and thor pulled her out of it. (mostly anyway, asgardians are party animals and im p sure she still gets trolleyed on the reg) i have bo doubt that after years of wallowing she would do her damned best to try and kick his ass out of it, even if it were just because his people need a leader, instead of letting him drop everything on her and just let him stew while new asgard gets on with it. i also didnt like the fact that all of thors emotional moments were treated as jokes and made to be funny when hes genuinely Fucked Up about eveything thats happening and made his image into a whiny crybaby.

• professor hulk. more of a personal one, this, simply because i just didnt like it. fair enough if y’all disagree on this one, im not going to fight it. i just never saw him wanting to combine himself with the hulk. ever. when he apleared on the screen i was completely blindsided, and his explanation, and the way he interacted with the kids????? i just want to know where all of this confidence suddenly came from. i use the term ‘suddenly’ loosely, since its been five years, but bruce has never been the guy to care about strength or looks or fame. hes always been shy and nerdy. not afraid to stand his ground or make his opinion known. hes bot a catchphrase, posing and flexing ‘hell yeah lets take a selfie’ guy. i get that thats maybe the result of the hulk and bruces combined personality but it just felt WEIRD to me, like, there wasnt a time in the film where i felt comfortable with the character. this was the final avengers film, with all of the original six avengers in it. but it didnt feel like that, it didnt feel like bruce or the hulk was in the film, even though there was a lot of funny and good moments with orofessor hulk, it felt like a stranger with some familiar characteristics. it ruined any feelings of nostalgia for me. i like bruce, and i like the hulk. i like the way their differences add to the story and the way they interact with eachother, and the slow change in their relationship. sorry if its petty but i prefer them seperate, theres just so much more to them for me.

• clint and natasha’s journey for the soul stone. both times, in infinity war and endgame, a male character and a female character went to get the soul stone. both times the male came back and the female died, and we lost possibly two most developed and main-line female characters in the entire mcu. now i understand the reasoning for both, and out of the characters that went there, i agree with the choice. thanos and gamora; it was thanos who was aware of the sacrifice and who chose to make it. gamora didnt get a choice and was unaware until it was too late. thanos was never going to die there. he knew there would be a sacrifice and chose to take gamora, because she would be the most likely sacrifice to actualky sucsesfully yield the soul stone because she was the most loved by him. i get it, but we lost gamora and i dont like it. clint and natasha; looking at it completely objectively, clint has a family, a wife and three children, that he wants to get back. natasha does not have any children, nor any (blood) family. if i had to choose, based on facts like that, id choose her too. but i still hate it, because there goes the only female member of the avengers. also, nebula (and i think maybe rocket?) KNEW that a sacrifice would be made and either accidentaly or deliverately left out the terms of aquiring the soul stone. it would have been easy to tell, if not easy to solve. but nothinb was said, and two best friends had to make a fucking awful and horrible choice when they might not have had to.

• on the ‘feminism’ tangent; the random congragation of women in the end scene??????? i dont????? okay so i am marking myself as a hypocrite here because i did love this scene!!! it made my lil gay heart go boom to see so many good and strong women all in one place - ESPECIALLY rescue - and it also made me realise how many women there actually are across the mcu??? which was really nice?? but it just felt... so forced? the way they ALL suddenly apleared and stood together even though they were all mixed in around the battlefield. it was a wonderful thought and i did enjoy it, but it seemed too Off and Odd to seem as much more than a bid for Feminism Brownie Points.

• captain marvel. i dont know about you, but i was actually looking forward to her being in the film. for a character so hyped to be the saviour of the avengers and the end of thanos, she was barely in the film. ‘i have other planets to save, the earth isnt the only one affected by thanos’ yeah but earth is the only plannet actively attacked by him. its where the people who are rallying to fight him and reverse what he did are. dont you want to stick around and help them? surely it would be a hell of a lot easier with your help, and faster too. yes, she blasted theough the ship at the end, but she did fuck all to help defeat thanos himself, and the help she did give with the ship came at the end. i genuinely think they kept her out of the movie because she was too powerful, and would have made fighting thanos etc too easy to get all the suffering and noble sacrifices in. if she had been a side character i dont think id be as mad, but she got a whole MOVIE in which she is clearly the start of the entire avengers initiative; she is their HISTORY!!!! she is so powerful!!!! and yet she has 5 mins of screen time!! it pisses me off that she was So Strongly implied to be the character the avengers NEEDED, the one that without whom it would be IMPOSSIBLE to defeat thanos; the woman that really tipped the scales in there favour, and yet she did fuck all. (and lets not even get started on the carol/rhodey and carol+tony bromance we COMPLETELY missed out on.)

• (speaking of bonding what the fuck happened to tony and nebula????? after they were rescued it was like they never met)

• the whole entire concept of time what the fuck!!! ‘dont change anything’ okay well for the most part you did okay, and the PLAN and CONCEPT was actually really easy to grasp, at least to me, which is hard when working with paradoxes and wibbley-wobbley timey-wimey stuff. but that went out the water when past!thanos and his army were brought into the future and disintergrated. does this mean they’re dead in the past - since they would have just. Left and not come back and therefore ceased to exist from that point???? or did tonys Snap simply send them back to their point in time, with no memory of what had occured? idk because it aint explained.

• speaking of; loki. again - his past changed; he managed to escape, with the tessarect. this is not explained nor expanded upon. assuming the events of thor 2 came about - which were impossible if he escaped - then his timeline would carry on as normal, and would PERHAPS explain the tessarects wacky timeline. (i dont know for certain, because i cant work it out anyway). but loki disspearing means he wouldnt have gone to trial on asgard, nor would he wouldnt have been in thor 2 - also by extention meaning that frigga is still alive. technically if he went back to get odin off the throne anyway, everything else after thor 2 involving loki/asgard would still come to pass. either way, we dont know. it was a nice way for endgame to give fans what we wanted; the posibility of loki coming back. but it doesnt make a lick of sense, and we have no idea if hes still alive/escaped or not, and why. personally i have no fucking idea and im pretty sure it was a cop out so they could give us what we wanted. which brings to my other point:

• giving the audience what we wanted. we got loki interaction. we got loki ‘escaping’ and ‘surviving’ (????) we FINALLY got rescue, who many fans have been asking for since i think iron man 2, and even more so since The Badass That Was Pepper Potts in im3. we got morgan stark and tony and pepper married, we got jokes about steves ass, and more jokes about male characters admiring how hot other male characters are. and, most importantly, we got tony having the nice relaxing life he wanted out in his cabin in the woods with his wife and kids (even if it was a horrific way of getting there). i dont quite know how to explain it, but to me it seemed like they were shoving as many ‘fan-requests’ into the film as possible - so that when they killed off 2 of the original 6, and removed another by ageing him out of use, they could lessen the backlash and justify the changes by going ‘but you got so mych that you wanted beforehand!!’. a tactic they drenhed us with because one of those 2 was a fan favourite that people were BEGGING not to be killed off because they felt that he hadnt recieved anywhere near the peace or happiness he deserved so far - and now never will. which brings me to:

• tony’s death.

there are two parts to this.

one, i was incredibly pissed off because strange’s Big Plan, the ONLY reason he saved tony in infinity war, was so tony could use the gauntlet and kill himself anyway later. anyone in that film could have used that gauntlet - and many wouldnt have suffered fatal injuries; captain marvel, steve, t’challa, peter quill to name a few possibilities - basically, anyone who is in anyway enhanced would have had a better chance of surviving and would have therefore been the better choice; aka, half the mcu. i think it was a proximity thing; tony was closest. he had the oppertunity and the others didnt. but tony didnt know about the option of using it until strange looked at him and gave him ‘the signal.’ the signal to sacrifice himself. and of course, this is tony stark. when is he ever going to refuse that.

but reason two, and this is the one that stings the most; tony started the mcu.

in my opinion, he is the character who has put the most in during the whole ten years. he, of ALL the characters, deserves his happy ending of marrying the love of his life and having a kid, without constantly fearing that hes foing to have them ripped away from him, that hes going to have to fight to the death to keep them safe.

one of my friends, when i complained about tony dying, said; “it was his time. plus, he had a legacy! with pepper and morgan, and the iron man name. how can you be upset?”

i can be upset because tony got the happiness he wanted after losing exactly 50% of what he held dearest. i can be upset because hawkeye got his family back, but tony only got five years with his wife and less with his kid, instead of getting the oppertunity to grow old with his wife and watch his kid go to collage like clint will. i can be upset because the character that has gone through the most trauma, both physically and mentally, who spent the last ten years trying to better the world and everything in it and protect it, who got the most shit for every decision he made and who ended EVERY SINGLE FILM with a broken limb or his face littered with bruises and cuts while every other film centric character ended the film usually scrape free, didnt get his happy fucking ending. sure, he has a legacy. but i dont give a shit, because that legacy - of iron man, of morgan and pepper and stark industries - would have been there whether tony was alive to see it flourish or not. but he wont be.

this goes beyond being a ‘tony stan’ or tony being my favourite character. out of every single character, from start to finish, anthony edward stark fucking deserved a happy ending and by god he deserved it the most. i will argue that until my end of days.

i watched tony stark on screen for ten years, and i watched him get progressively more scarred and fucked up. his parents. the ten rings. losing yinsen. obie. vanko and hammer. the palladium poisoning. new york; the nuke and the wormhole. the ptsd, the panic attacks. the iron legion and retirement attempt. killian and extremis and the end of that returement attempt. wanda’s vision. jarvis being destroyed. the accords and subsequent civil war. finding out about the winter soldier and his hand in his parents death. finding out that steve knew. siberia. struggling to balence iron man and the accords. losing peter. being stranded on titan, in space for weeks.

tony in that wheelchair, shaking and rail thin and unable to stand for more than a few moments will haunt me forever.

i watched him suffer for ten years - longer, even, in-universe - clawing for his quiet, happy ending while fighting for the happy ending he thought the rest of the world deserved, and instead of getting rewarded he just got beaten down and beaten down. after ten fucking hears of watching the backbone of the entire franchise get nothing but shit piled on him until he struggled to breathe for it, excuse me for thinking he woukd finally get the chance to crawl out from under it and be happy. no strungs attatched, no awful, sacrificial price to be payed, just for a man who had given so. fucking. much. to finally get something for once, and be allowed to keep it.

well i was wrong. and i feel so incredibly fucking stupid for even hoping otherwise.

and thats what i didnt like about avengers endgame.

#thanos might have snapped first but now its my turn #endgame spoilers #marvel #avengers #thor #bruce banner #tony stark #squeak.txt #rant #avengers 4 #captain marvel #iron man

[scaryscarecrows]

Roots and Leaves, Pt. 6

DC did it first. Take your grievances to them.

Jason and Sheila e-mail back and forth for about a week before she says that she has Thursday off so if he has Thursday off does he want to meet for lunch again?

Last time wasn’t bad. Not a lot of staring or people or anything. He can…he can probably do it again. And it’s a few days away still, so he has time to psyche himself up or, worst case scenario, fake his death and move to Canada.

And it’s been a week and she hasn’t pulled out the Pity Card on him yet and maybe…maybe this’ll all work out okay. She might never be Mom, because Catherine’s always gonna be Mom, but…but she could be Mother, maybe. He can see that in the distant (or not-so-distant?) future.

But he’s not going to rush into things, that’s what got him here in the first place. Patience, grasshopper.

Thursday rolls around and he hasn’t faked his death and moved to Canada, so he has no choice but to put on jeans and a hoodie and resign himself to a couple of hours, easy, of no sunglasses and no e-book shield.

Sorry, any small children who might come out of this traumatized.

Okay. He brings his Kindle anyway, and his sunglasses for the journey, and sticks to his normal Civilian Weaponry-couple’a knives, one pair of brass knuckles tucked into a hidden pocket in his hoodie. Last thing he needs is for someone to pick up a bullet, match it to the Red Hood’s, and come knocking on his door. His luck is bad enough that’s exactly what would happen.

Besides, it’s noon on a Thursday, and even in Gotham that’s a slow hour. Bank robbers gotta eat, too.

The monorail ride there is literal Hell (three fighting couples, two crying kids and old man with no personal spaaaaace!) and he’s literally gasping for air when he stumbles out of the car. He likes people. Honest. If he legitimately hated them all, he wouldn’t risk his life to help them. But interacting with them…he could do without that, mostly.

Whatever. Whatever. It’s over, he lived, he’s had worse.

(And no, he doesn’t hear faint cackling in his head, and that’s final.)

It’s windy today, the type of wind that buffets people every which way and is determined to keep his hood off his head. He fidgets with the drawstrings until it’ll stay and buries his hands in his pockets. Wind sucks. He can feel pollen and dust and Gotham Grime being blown onto his skin.

“Jason!”

Is he there already?

Sheila…looks a lot more haggard than she did before. He tries to remember if she’d mentioned being horribly busy, doesn’t think she did, and figures that to be fair, he hasn’t mentioned the bruise that goes halfway up his back.

She smiles, her awkward driver’s license smile, and waves. Yeah, she doesn’t…it must’ve been a long week, or maybe a rough drive or something. She looks tired.

“Hi.” He’s not sure what to call her, still. Miss Haywood is too disconnected, Sheila’s too personal, and it’s way, way too soon for Mother. Names are a pain. “I’m not late, am I?” He knows he’s not. “Monorail was packed.”

“So was the subway. Can I…?”

Her arms are half-out and he figures she’s asking for a hug. He can do a hug, as long as it’s a short hug.

“Yeah. Thanks for the warning.”

Holy crap, she feels frail. But to be fair, barring Dick’s tackle-hug, everyone’s felt frail since…since. So it could just be him. Hugs are weird now.

(“HUG YOUR DADDY!”)

No. Not today. Everything’s fine.

It’s a sort-of short hug, short enough, anyway, and he wonders, abstractedly, if a day will ever come that he’s used to that sort of thing again. If it even matters whether he does or doesn’t.

It does. Of course it does. And the day will come, in time, and he’ll be better, be normal, be what people want him to be.

Little steps.

* * *

They’ve fallen into a companionable silence and for once Jason’s not jumping whenever someone walks by in a purple sweater or anything when Sheila forces her lips out from between her teeth and says, “I know you were Robin.”

Well. That’s, uh, there’s that out of the way.

“Yeah.” There’s clearly no point in denying it. She probably put it together when Batman came knocking. “For a little while, yeah. I was.” He tastes blood, wonders how long he’s been doing that, and wishes he had gum. Or a mint. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right off, I just…old habits die hard, I guess.”

“Oh God, no, no, I didn’t mean-” She takes a drink. Her hands are shaking, she’s shaking and he doesn’t know what’s wrong. “I just. I thought I should probably make it clear that I did know, so you wouldn’t…I know I was absent, but I don’t want…you shouldn’t feel like you have to hide things from me.”

Oh. That’s. He doesn’t know what to say. Bruce, God knows, has the emotional capabilities of a Himalayan Salt Lamp. Thankfully Jason hadn’t been the type to go through crushes every two weeks, or he probably would have been in Hell. He certainly wouldn’t have…it’s not like he would have shut down the conversation, but sharing and caring? That would have been awkward and best not repeated. Alfred was the go-to for that sorta thing.

All right, then. Since they’re dropping sudden bombshells ‘n all…he has to know.

“You worked for Joker.” There. It’s out. He said it.

And now he kinda regrets it-the self-loathing on her face is a pretty good match for his own, and he can’t tell himself it’s anything less than deep, deep wishing to have made better choices.

“I did.” She straightens up, begins tearing apart a piece of bread on her plate. “Briefly. I’m not proud, but he had a line to my mother, knew where she lived, knew her schedule…knew.” She swallows hard. “Knew she had to rubber-band her jam jars because she couldn’t open them otherwise. I panicked. But it was only for a couple of months-pills, he wanted pills, as much as I could get him. And then he just…went away. I don’t know what he did with them.”

Honestly, after everything, he can’t…he doesn’t have the right to say much. And honestly? There was that one guy, who accidentally cut the fucker off in traffic and couldn’t get away from him.

And look at him. The first man he killed, that wasn’t…oh, sure, he probably had it coming, at least a little, but Jason wasn’t thinking about that or considering it like he does now, he just…he wanted to kill Bruce. Because that was right and reason at the time even though he knows it’s insanity now.

No, he can’t say much.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly, and it’s suddenly easier to look at his hands. “I didn’t…that sounds awful.”

“No.” She tips his chin up and it’s an effort not to pull away and to remember that it’s fingers, warm human fingers, and not the pointy end of a crowbar against his skin. “You deserved to know. It’s only fair.”

Truth be told, it’s a relief to know that she hadn’t…yeah, technically she could’ve…maybe done something different, but she hadn’t wanted to work for him. She wasn’t like the ones he’d christened Dumb and Dumber that…they enjoyed that kinda work.

Lunch is finished in relative silence after that, though, and he’s wondering what’s going to happen now when she rifles through her purse and swears.

“Damn…I meant to grab an old photo album I wanted to show you, with some old family pictures and things.”

Pictures of Willis? Yeah, he’s good. Pictures of other people might be interesting, though.

“Next time?”

“My apartment’s a few blocks over.”

Something feels off. He’s paranoid, he knows he’s paranoid, but something…she’s been shaky and weird all afternoon and he doesn’t…

Calm the fuck down, you freak out when someone window-shops for too long!

“Is everything…is everything okay?”

Or maybe something is wrong-she pulls a napkin over and there’s suddenly a pen in her hand.

“I really do want you to see these pictures, Jason,” she says, but her hand is moving and there’s the ever-so-faint skrit-skrit of pen on paper. “I swear you got my mother’s eyes.”

The napkin slides over to him and he glances down. Her handwriting’s spikey and awful-doctor writing to the bone-but his is no better and he can read it well enough.

An old colleague has been hanging around the hospital lately.

Oh.

That explains a bit.

“Sure.”

Her shoulders drop and she crumples the napkin, nails picking it into shreds.

“I’m sorry to do this to you,” she says softly, nearly too soft for him to hear, and he’s quick to shake his head.

“No, no, I don’t mind, I’m glad you…if there’s anything I can do to…”

Shit, she looks like she’s going to start crying and that is indeed PANIC in his throat. Tears are not good.

“You’re a good boy.” Her voice is watery but there are no tears to be seen. Thank Jesus. “I promise next time we have lunch it’ll be normal.”

Oh, good, things haven’t plummeted down to fiery Hell because of all the revelations flying around.

“Everything’s gonna be fine,” he says, and whoops that’s his ‘all will be well, citizen, never fear!’ voice. But it must work, because the about-to-cry look disappears. “Um. Do you wanna…it looks like it’s gonna rain, should we get going?”

And so they do.

* * *

The wind has picked up and it smells like rain. He’s not looking forward to patrol later.

The wind’s not so bad, though, to stop Sheila from lighting up with a self-depreciating, “I know I’m a doctor and should know better, but I honestly don’t care.”

“I can’t really say anything.” He holds up his own pack and rattles it before pulling one out. It’s not as calming as it usually is and he doesn’t know why.

Eh. It’s been a long day, that’s all. He’s not used to interacting with people on a personal level anymore, which is his own fault and probably not necessarily a good thing.

The first few drops have started to fall when they arrive at her building-big, square, and simplistic. She fishes out her keys while they’re in the elevator (which smells like new car, for some reason).

The hallway is deserted. It’s a little creepy, to be honest-his own building might be crap, but there’s always activity. And then, of course, there was Arkham’s hallways, or what he could hear of them. Noisy. Always noisy. But this? Wayne Manor was silent like this. It unsettled him then and it unsettles him now. Call him a city boy, whatever, but he needs noise.

The brass knuckles and knives in his jacket are warm and comforting and he knows he’s not gonna need ‘em, but they make up for this creepy-ass silence.

Sheila opens the door and motions him inside. It’s dark inside-blackout curtains, probably-but he can hear the rain. It smells like new car in here, too, and he wonders, off-handedly, why-

-it’s not empty. He’s walked into one too many ‘empty’ buildings to be very, very attuned to the sound of somebody breathing. Okay. Be calm, back out and shut the door.

He’s about to do exactly that when the light switch clicks and bathes the whole place in stark white. White walls, white floors, white furniture.

Which only makes Harley Quinn stick out like a sore thumb in all that red and black.

“BAY-BEE!” She could never hope to match Joker’s grin, but she gives it a good go, stretching her makeup. Okay. Change of plans. Get Sheila out of here (and preferably out of the building), deal with Quinn. “It’s been a whiiiiile!”

He takes in the mallet leaning against the couch and the shotgun (are those fuzzy dice? Really?) in her hands and comes to the conclusion that great, she’s riding the crazy train.

But maybe she hasn’t seen Sheila yet. Where’s that goddamn light switch?

He moves, only a little, only to feel the unmistakable press of a gun against his lower back.

“Don’t. Move.”

And the world drops out from under him.

No. No, no, no, she said she quit, it was over, she said they’d let her go, she said-

The door shuts. He twists so he can still see Quinn in his peripheral. Sheila’s face is a blank mask-no tears, no joy, no nothing. Just quiet determination and he doesn’t understand, she said…

“Mom?” The word feels thick and wrong in his mouth, but maybe…maybe she’s brainwashed or hypnotized or something, maybe she doesn’t…isn’t…

“Sorry, kid.” The words are harsh but her tone isn’t. Quinn giggles in the background but she sounds so far away and Sheila’s still pressing a gun against him. “It was you or me, and, well…it had to be you.”

What?

“Aww, come to mama, baby!” Quinn giggles again before straightening up and scowling. “Now.”

His feet drag him forward, sneakers scuffing against the white carpet an’ Heaven’s s’posed ta be white, innit, so why does this feel like Hell and what’s going on she said she said-

For once horrible, desperate second, he wants Bruce. Bruce wouldn’t…yeah, he’d thought, at first, that he’d left him but he knows that he didn’t, he really didn’t, he just…

Bruce wouldn’t have pulled a gun on him, he wouldn’t and God, if he’d just fucking talked to him-

“I did what you wanted, Quinn.” Sheila’s voice is so, so flat and is this all she wanted from the beginning? Is it? “Now call your man.”

Quinn doesn’t even look at her. She’s looking at Jason like she always did-like she’s torn between wanting to rip his head off and wanting to wrap him in a blanket and keep him.

This is his own goddamn fault, he just thought…just once, just once-

“Quinn!” Desperation now, and the gun wobbles against his hoodie as she steps out from behind him. “I did what you said! Call your man!”

Okay. Okay.

He forces himself to take a few deep breaths that taste like that last cigarette outside and says, voice as steady as he can make it, “Let her go, Harley. Leave her alone, I’ll. I’ll do what you want, just. Just let her go.”

“Aww, look at you!” Her pigtails sway and he finds himself oddly hypnotized by the movement. “I knew ya had to be Robin for a reason.”

Yeah. Yeah, he was Robin and that’s all he’ll ever be, the one that fucked up.

“Please, Harley.”

“Nyeh…” She adjusts her grip on the gun, finger dancing near the trigger, and looks down at her knuckles. “Eeny, meanie, miny, moe, catch a Batman by the toe. If he hollers, let ‘im go, eeny…meanie…miny…moe!”

He sees it before she does it, but there’s no time-he’s moved maybe half a centimeter before the gun goes off-

-and Sheila.

Falls.

His ears are ringing. They’re ringing and everything’s so white except her, all blonde and blue and so fucking red because Harley didn’t miss and if he’d been quicker, he should have been-

“Aww, don’t be sad!” Harley’s not alone, of course she’s not. He should have known from the start stupidstupidstupid. “Doncha know what happens to people who know too much?”

Her eyes are open. They’re open and they’re looking at him like this is his fault and it is if he hadn’t…

S’like Joker said, once.

“Good boys know how to lay down and DIE.”

“Mistah J had a spot for ya, baby.” Huh? “But you up an’ left us before it was time! So since it’s his birthday-” The fucker has no birthday he just appeared one day too evil for Hell. “-I thought I’d get my puddin’ somethin’-” She winks. “Real nice.”

And they’re on him.

Harley’s goons are dumb, but they’re also big and they manage to drag him down for a minute before he gets a knife out of his sleeve and drives it into the nearest jaw.

“Andre!” Yeah, Andre ain’t comin’ back from that any time soon. “I thought we taught you manners!”

He reclaims his knife and scrambles back up and okay okay maybe he can get outta this-

WHAM!

Lights out.

#Jason Todd #Sheila Haywood #Harley Quinn #you knew this was coming #oh Jason I'm so sorry honey #one day you can have nice things #but not today #Roots and Leaves

[missyslittlepet]

*Finally got around to writing a part two. Since it takes place over the space of 10 years there's going to be a lot of time jumps (*****) so the layout might not be great 😂 I don't think it will end up as long as the first one but I'm probably going to write a part 3 to make up for it 😄 enjoy! (Gifs not mine)* "You're still hurting me." You were becoming increasingly more impatient as the elevator descended. To your surprise they loosened their grip on your arm and you finally felt the blood flow returning to normal. You dared not look at them again. Something about them were scarier that anything you had faced before. Maybe it was your fear of hospitals and all things medical that gave you the spooks when you looked at them. They did look awfully sterile and had what appeared to be drips attached to their arms. You felt a shiver run down your spine at the thought of needles and closed your eyes, trying your hardest not to throw up. Sooner than expected the doors opened and you were walked out of the elevator. You craned your neck to see if Bill was on the same floor as you. Sure enough your eyes caught sight of the still burning embers of her skin that surrounded the wound. You didn't have to look at it long before the metal cart with her on was wheeled away. You began to panic remembering the doctors words. "Keep an eye on Bill and wait for us." You managed to escape the loosened grip on your arm and ran after her. "Where are you taking her?" You asked the creatures. They moved forward slowly, your existence completely invisible to them. "Hey!" You shove one of them hard. Still nothing. "I'm talking to you!" You were about to strike again until a hand grasped your wrist mid motion. This hand was unlike the cloth creatures'. The touch was gentle but firm. Your eyes closed and you prayed that the grip belonged to Missy. "You don't want to be doing that my dear... they are strong, will break you like toothpick." A man spoke. And just like that the hope was crushed. You opened your eyes and turned to face the man who still had a hold of your wrist. He was a rather odd looking man. His appearance looked out of place against the sterile hospital ward as if he wasn't mean to be there at all. His long hair and beard stuck out at every angle, only being held in place by his oversized knitted hat. His clothing was old and tattered, matching his hat. How long had he been here for? You wondered. There was something off about him. You thought hard to pinpoint what it was but the only thing that came to your mind didnt make much sense to even you. He just didn't quite seem real. You didn't know how to explain it. There was also something very familiar about him. Something about the gleam in his eyes told you you had met him before. You brushed it off quickly, there was no way you could have met him before. He smiled and the gleam grew brighter. He let go of your wrist and took a step backwards. "My name is Mr Razor. What a pleasure it is to be meeting you." He bowed, took your hand and placed a kiss to your knuckles. "...Hi...erm... yes, I'm (f/n). You wouldn't mind telling me where I am, would you?" You looked down at him. He remained in his bow, your hand still between caught between his hand and his mouth. He looked back up at you and smiled again. "You are on the ground floor. It is very good, no?" You couldn't shake the feeling of unease. If traveling with Missy had taught you anything it was that you should always listen to your gut instincts. Regardless, he looked human enough and it gave you some comfort knowing you weren't just surrounded by those creatures. "Yeah, great." You smiled politely. "What are they?" You asked looking over his shoulder. "The future." He stated. "Nice and strong-" "Razor!" A woman's voice boomed from across the room, cutting him off and making you jump. "What are you doing?!" "Welcoming our new guest. All the way from surface layer, journey is very long..." He muttered straightening back up and turning to look at the lady. She eyed you suspiciously. "(F/n), she will work for me. Until her friend is much better, much more alive." He grabbed your wrist again and lead you away not wanting to wait for a response to his statement. He brought you to a large dusty door and swung it open. The air was stale and hot. Piles of junk were situated around the room along with a tv and a sofa. "Come come, much to see." He smiled pulling you further in. He walked you to the sofa and sat you down before offering you tea. "No, thank you. I had some earlier." You smiled, folding your arms in your lap. You watched as he walked towards what looked like a kitchen area and turned his back to you. "How long until I can see Bill? I need to know if she's okay." "Your friend will take time to heal. Big hole in err" He gestured wildly to his abdomen. "stomach is not easy to fix but not impossible either." He muttered over the sound of teacups being rearranged. "You come all the way here and I have tidied very little. I get visitors never, I had no time to prepare, excuse the mess." "I don't mind, just makes it very" You thought for a second eyes darting to what looked like a dead mouse in the corner. "...cosy..." "Ah, cosy is good, yes?" He sounded hopeful as he turned to face you again. "Yeah, it's great." You lied trying to imagine living here for god knows how long. ****************** "Bill?!" You shouted as Razor walked her through the door. You hadn't been able to see her. They had kept you confined to the small living quarters where you and Razor lived. You were somewhat glad, thanks to your fear of hospitals, but you still felt bad not being with Bill. True, the two of you had never exactly been the best of friends but you had your moments together. Not knowing and ignoring the Doctor's orders didn't sit well with you, even if you weren't his companion. "Hey, how long have we been down here?" She asked. You thought for a minute and then sighed. "A few months." "Months?!" Her eyes widened in horror. "Yeah... You gave us all quite the scare." "Where's the Doctor?" She braced herself for the answer. You just shrugged and shook your head. "I don't know." Mr Razor smiled and walked further into the room and switched on the tv. "We can find out if you'd like?" He flicked through channels before stopping on one. A still image of The Doctor, Nardole, Missy and the blue man formed on the screen. "When on earth was this taken?" You asked throwing yourself down on the sofa. You hadn't seen Missy in so long and it was starting to get to you. She looked exactly the same as when you left. "Taken? No not taken, it's live." Razor corrected you watching the screen intently. "Live?" Asked Bill also taking a seat. "Sorry to tell you but I think your stream is broken." "No, not broken. Perfect quality." He grinned. You and Bill glance at each other. "Definetly broken Razor... They aren't moving." You raised you eyebrow. "Bottom of ship, it moves err quicker than top. A minute there a month here kind of thing, you see? They move slowly, very slowly." "Oh, okay?" Bill said suddenly more alert. So that was how the three of you spent your time. Eyes glued to the almost still image on the beat up television set. ****************** The master had become impatient with your unwillingness to talk about the woman on the screen. It was clear that whoever she was, you wanted to keep her identity unknown. When ever he brought it up with you you would just shrug it off and change the conversation. Bill never spoke about her either, only about The Doctor and the things they had done together. He had his suspicions of course, on who the woman was, but he wanted to be sure. He had plotted ways in which to get the information from you and had finally settled on the old fashioned human way. Alcohol. Finding it wasn't hard. He had some strong stuff hidden away at the back of his TARDIS that he knew would come in handy. "I have big surprise, come come." Razor grinned holding up three glasses and two large bottles of green liquid. "So, the woman on the screen... She is your sister?" He asked refilling his own glass. "Heavens no!" You laughed taking another sip of your drink. "Not my sister." You could feel the warmth from the alcohol filling your body. How long had it been since you had truly gotten drunk? "She used to have bottles of this stuff in her ship." You smiled reminiscing about the times the pair of you would drink and blow things up together. "But she means a lot to you, yes? You spent two years of your life watching her look shocked." The Master pushed. "I think she loves her." Bill chimed in with a laugh from across the room. You could tell by the way she swayed from side to side that she was already drunk. "I do not!" You hissed trying to focus on her. "Even if I did, you've heard the way she talks to me. I'm just a pet, if anything." "True true... but that doesn't make your feelings any less important. I've seen the way you look at her (f/n), like she's the most amazing thing in the universe." "Becuase she is." You hiccuped downing the rest of your glass. "Who knows. Maybe she feels the same about you... She's so protective and never goes five minutes with some kind of flirty oneliner. Look, I know we never really saw eye to eye when it came to Missy but I know love when I see it and that's about the closest thing I can imagine she's capable of." Bill let out a sigh and crashed on the sofa. "Maybe you should tell her." "Tell Missy?!" You laughed. "What and have my brains blown out by a laser, or worse, be dropped back off at home? No thank you." "Missy? That is her name?" The Master asks. "Short for mistress." You snorted and tried to hide the blush covering your cheeks. Bill practically choked on air as she tried to silence her giggles. "...Mistress?" "Yeah... She isn't actually my mistress; although I wouldn't mind if she was." You laughed again slapping a hand over your mouth. "I can't believe I just said that. "Who is she to you?" He questioned further. "She's my... I don't know... she's my time lady? My glorified tour guide?" "Your crush?" Bill smirked. "As of now...My closest friend." You corrected her "Who I do love with every fibre of my being but don't tell her that if she ever comes down here." The master grinned, finally knowing all he needed to know. Missy was his future and now he had a (f/n) shaped bargaining chip for when the time came. "Don't worry my dear... your secret," He pounded his chest with his fist. "It is safe with me." ****************** They were planning on sneaking into the operating room. You had told them it wasn't a good idea but they wouldn't listen. Bill was preparing in another room to go full on mission impossible while you were stood looking out onto the city below. "You're sure you won't join us?" Razor asked. "Yeah, I hate those things. Don't want any part of it." You replied keeping your back to him. You closed your eyes. For ten years you had watched this fume filled city fall to ruins beneath you. More and more of those things walked the streets; the brilliant white of their clothes a stark contrast to the thick black smog floating through the air. You pitied the people you saw hoping that when the Doctor finally did arrive he could fix it all. "Shame..." You heard Razor laugh before you felt a hard object collide with your head. Your eyes opened briefly as you fell to the floor from the impact only to see his grin hovering above you. "Such a shame..." He muttered as everything went black. ****************** "Where's (f/n)?" Bill asked poking her head into the room. "She still not coming?" "No, not coming." Razor replied "She went out for a walk. Said she needed some fresh air." "Fresh?" Bill laughed looking through the window behind Razor. "As fresh as it can be. Come come!" He smiled standing up and walking out of the room with Bill. ****************** Missy sat at the control panel trying to ignore the strange little man lurking behind her. "Hello ordinary person." She was aware of how bored she sounded. "Please maintain a minimum separation of at least three feet." It had been a while since she had used her 'M.I.S.S.Y' voice. She still couldn't get over the look on The Doctor's face when she kissed him. The man walked closer and sat down behind her. She rolled her eyes and continued searching through the ships data bases. "I'm REALLY trying not to kill anyone today so it would be tremendously helpful if your major arteries were..." Something on the screen caught her eye. "...out of reach." The man's laughter and clapping caught Missy off guard. Last time she had checked threats of death were not meant to be funny. Had all that time in the vault made her lose her touch? "I have so been looking forward to meeting you." "...Right, well... I'm very happy for you." She shook off his comment and returned to reading. "I was watching you on the screen. It took me a while to work out who you were." "This ship is from Mondas?" Missy frowned blocking the man out. "Of course once I loosened (f/n)'s lips I knew all I needed to." Missy pounced up at the sound of your name. "What did you just say?!" Missy demanded. The man just grinned and pulled out a gun aiming it at her. "Would it help you concentrate if I removed some of your vital organs and made a lovely soup?" She threatened taking a step forward. "What have you don't to (f/n)?!" "You would never be so self destructive but then again neither would I." He threw the gun aside and watched Missy with wide eyes and a smile. "Where is she?" Missy frowned. "If you've harmed a single cell of her I swear to all things Gallifrey I will make you suffer." ****************** Your head hurt more than ever and you were pretty sure it was bleeding. You opened your eyes and saw nothing but black. Where the hell were you? Memories of Razor hitting you over the head came flooding back and you began to panic. Where was Bill? What would the Doctor do to you if he found out you let her get hurt? You shook your head (quickly regretting it when the pounding in it grew worse). You had to prioritise and think your way out of it. Missy always told you there was no use is getting hysterical. You took a deep breath and felt around. You were in a confined space it seemed like. You listened and heard a thick scottish accent making it's way closer to you. You knew that accent anywhere and you felt your heart practically burst at it's seams. "Missy?! Missy?!" You called. "You locked her in a storage compartment?" Missy sounded extremely disappointed as the tapping of her heels grew louder. As soon as your eyes adjusted to the light and you saw her actual face for the first time in ten years you couldn't help but smile. Then it dawned on you. "TEN YEARS MISSY! YOU LEFT ME FOR TEN YEARS!" "Oh don't get so dramatic. It was only half an hour." She tried to keep her face bordering on annoyance but even you could see the relief hidden in it. Without thinking you pulled her into a hug burrowing your face the crook of her neck. To your surprise she hugs you back digging her nails gently into the fabric of your clothing. She was scared that if she let go you would be taken from her again. "I've missed you so much." You whispered. Missy let out a small laugh as if brushing off your comment but she held you tighter nevertheless. When you finally let go of each other you noticed a man standing beside her looking disgusted by the display of affection. "Hello my dear." He spoke with Razor's voice, the grin you had gotten so used to reappearing on his face. You looked between the two in confusion. "(F/n), this is past me. Past me, this is (f/n)." Missy raised her eyebrows while she spoke. "Oh I know her very well." The man smiles. "Sorry about the head love," he was usomg what you presumed was his real voice. "had to get you out of the way. You know, since old Doc had you playing guard dog for him." "...How? What?" You struggled to string a sentence together. Missy let's out a sigh and pats your arm nodding her head. "You might want to sit down somewhere." Missy inhaled sharply. "This might take quite a bit of explaining..."

#missy x reader #missy imagine #the master x reader #doctor who #doctor who fanfiction #part 3 anyone?

[naruto-scenarios-plus-akatsuki]

Could you maybe write a second part to the request with reader from our world come to the suna? It was amazing and i freaking love it! 😍 i didnt request it the first time though. (Its the one with gaara)

Uh…. somehow I made this scenario really fricken long which I didnt mean to do… so oops. Hopefully you like it. Thank you for the request. 

Part I

The Reader from the Sky and Gaara of the Sand: Part II

“Where are you from?”

“I don’t know…” you answered hesitantly, giving the same answer every time. You really couldn’t remember anything.

“You don’t know where you hail from, you don’t know how you got here, you don’t know your last name. Forgive me for my bluntness, but what do you know?” Gaara questioned candidly.

“I… uh… know that this is Suna?” you answered timidly, not really sure of yourself.

Gaara hummed in thought, his sea-green eyes boring into your own. “And you know who I am.”

“Yes,” you agreed, nodding slowly.

“How much?” Gaara questioned skeptically.

“Everything,” you answered without thought.

Gaara’s Anbu stiffened at that, taking defensive positions beside him. Gaara didn’t move, only his eyes grew thinner in skepticism. You realized you said the wrong thing, turning your gaze away timidly. You had to be careful, realizing how others might see you as a threat. A foreigner with no memory but only the knowledge of the Kazekage. Who wouldn’t think that was fishy?

Fear and confusion swept over you instantly. You wondered what they were going to do with you and wondered why you couldn’t remember anything. You had no answers and the only clear thing you could recall involved Gaara, but how in the world were you going to explain that to them? You couldn’t.

They would think you were crazy. You could feel your heart beginning to race inside your chest. You were starting to panic.

How was any of this real?

The shinobi around you began to fade as the rest of the outside world became a blur. Your breathing ran ragged and all you could hear was your heartbeat thumping in your ears.

“Everyone give them room! Their having a panic attack,” a nurse barked out at the Anbu in the room.

A medical ninja was soon at your side, trying to talk over your heavy breathing. While you were being attended to by the medical staff, the rest of the company in the room was instructed to leave. The Sand Anbu and Gaara obliged and made their move to exit.

When you saw Gaara leaving, your anxiety began to pick up.

“St…. Stay” you tried to wheeze out.

Gaara hesitated at the door looking over his shoulder at you. He recognized that you were addressing him while the rest of his Anbu that resided in the room froze. Gaara’s eyes met yours, seeming to stare right into your soul. He saw how frighten your eyes were and the desperation in them but he couldn’t stay.

He faced forward once again and exited the door. He knew his Anbu would want to discuss the foreigner and their theories. Gaara needed time to sort through the stranger himself and the mystified answers you gave. Plus, he knew he was going to need answers as it wouldn’t take long for the council to hear about this. He knew that the council will want to know what he plans to do about this intruder. He wasn’t even quite sure what he was going to do as he entered the foyer with his guardsmen.

It wasn’t until a week had passed that the interrogation unit and background check investigation still had not come up with any new information about you. The report Gaara had received was unenlightening as very little information was given. Mostly it only informed him of your temperament as you had reverted to being mute again. After your panic attack and being monitored for two days at the hospital with guards at your door, you were moved to Suna’s penitentiary.

There you had been locked up and left to your isolation. You had only been visited by the interrogation unit the first few days of your confinement. Every day after each session, you grew quieter and reserved. You had also been visited by the investigation unit. Their visits was more intrusive as they came to collect DNA samples to run. You were growing weary in your cage and it was noted in the file that Gaara held.

He read how the you were having bouts of depression that would be understandable for any one in your position. However, the most curious aspect to him was that the interrogation unit reported that it seemed your memory was growing worse. To the point that simple questions like what your favorite food was, you didn’t even know and you seemed to be aware of your memory slipping. This all made your depression worse, which made Gaara feel the need to visit you again. He needed to assess your condition himself and his guards followed him to Suna’s penitentiary.

He made them wait in the shadows as he wanted to personally speak with you. When he found you at your cell, you had been huddled up on the mattress.

The moment you saw him, you shot up. You were elated to see him again, wanting to speak but realizing how dry your throat was.  

“It seems you could use some fresh air. Care to take a walk with me?” Gaara offered smoothly, his voice rich and strong.

You nodded your head readily, standing up on weak limbs. You hadn’t moved for a long time. Although your legs felt stiff, it also felt lovely to stretch. Gaara had your cell unlocked and you followed him. He led you at a mild pace from your cell through the stairwell and onto the rooftop of the penitentiary.

Once that rooftop door opened, you felt the dry yet cool evening air. You breathed in deeply, appreciating the fresh air. You didn’t realize how much you need this until you stepped fully onto the rooftop. Your mood instantly improving.

Both of you made your way to the ledge. The silence of your journey did not unsettle you. You were merely comforted by his presence alone.

You looked out onto the setting, seeing as the sun was dipping down behind the dunes as you felt the temperature was dropping.

“The sunset is exquisite, wouldn’t you agree?” Gaara started casually.

“Yes… its almost picturesque in a way,” you commented. Your voice was a little rough from lack of use as you recalled panels from the books and shows you had seen the sunset displayed on before.

Gaara watched the fading sun dance in your eyes. He could see this one adventure had improved your mood yet you still held your arms close to your body as if shielding yourself. He knew you were no shinobi because your chakra felt small and flickered unusually. Your physical physique was also a tale tell sign that you were not a shinobi. In fact, the softness of your body was unlike many shinobi and even civilians. He assumed you were nothing more than a commoner, but he had seen many clever acts before.

“The others tell me you have been rather mute again. That you still can’t recall your past, yet you know precisely where you are and know handful of information about our society,” Gaara informed while staring out over his village.

Your shoulders tensed and you remained silent. You had to bite your tongue in his presence. There was so much you wanted to confide in him but so much you needed to hold back. It was not safe for you to tell them how you are not from this world. You don’t know where your from but you knew that they would think you were insane if you told them so. You were struggling within yourself, your eyes betraying you as they anxiously swept back and forth against the landscape.

“I can’t help but feel you are hiding something,” Gaara continued with ease. His voice sounded inviting compared to the voices and tones you received from the interrogation unit.

You sighed heavily in exasperation. “What’s the point? You’ll either see me as a spy or you’ll think I’m crazy.”

“How so?” Gaara probed, his gaze turning to you.

You saw the judgement-free look in his eyes and couldn’t help but to confess.

“Where I come from… this” You gestured to the landscape as you continued. “Suna, Konoha, Kumogakure, Iwagakure, Kirigakure… exists but in a story. A story that I had loved and is the only thing clear enough for me to remember. I can’t remember anything else! I don’t know where I’m from, how I got here, or who I am. Its all a blur” you listed off everything that has been bothering you, suddenly feeling relieved for sharing your frustration.

You peered at Gaara, seeing the look in his eyes unwavering and your heart soared. He didn’t think you were crazy.

“Is that how you know me? Am I featured in this so-called story?” Gaara questioned, his voice devoid of emotions.

“Yes, you had played an important role in the plot,” you answered, honestly.

“What was the story called?” Gaara inquired.

“Naruto.”

Gaara paused at that, his gaze traveling back to Suna’s landscape.

“But you don’t know who you are?” Gaara quipped again.

You shook your head regrettably. “I can’t remember any of my past.”

Gaara heard the sincerity in your voice. He knew you believed what you said.  

“The past does not need to be recalled to learn who you are. It is who we choose to be. I say you have a blank canvas to work with, I suggest you decide who you want to be,” Gaara spoke smoothly, turning from the scene to head back to the penitentiary.

You watched him stalk to the open staircase door, his back turned towards you. If you were a ninja you could have fled in that moment, but you weren’t a ninja. You realized Gaara was giving you the opportunity to escape. You were being unknowingly tested.

Any other foreigner that meant to harm him, would have done so in that moment. They would have striked at his back. The fact that you didn’t even budge was proof for Gaara’s case that you weren’t after him and the fact you didn’t escape was proof you weren’t a rogue ninja. Gaara could see you were a gentle and soft individual but appearances and hunches were not proof. He needed evidence and although this would not sway the council and his Anbu’s fears, it gave him enough to at least lessen your confinement.

When Gaara looked back at you, he spoke with direction for you to follow him. You did so obediently, knowing you would follow this man to the ends of the Earth but for now, you were escorted back to your cell.

When you were in your room again, you looked upon it drearily. Your heart was sinking at the thought of being alone again as the door to your cell locked. You sat on your bed, looking dejected when Gaara spoke to you once again.

“Don’t forget what I said,” he reminded calmly as he made his exit.

He couldn’t help but feel it was wrong of him to leave you in a cage. However, he needed time to process the words you had spoken today.

He wasn’t sure if they were true but he knew you said them with earnest.

#gaara #gaara scenario #gaara no sabaku #gaara imagine #suna #naruto #kazekage #5th kazekage

[malojey]

7th July 2019

We got in, I'd no phone. Lost paddy, me and jack fucked off seen joyner seen Sheck seen Brockhampton seen a funny looking cunt pretending he plays county but by that point I was already off my face I got a temporary tattoo on my neck that said logic and had glitter everywhere I got me and jack drinks two hours later I hear juice wrld I do 4 pumps and I remember puking my ring up outside of the Heineken with lucid dreams in the back round jack finds me I'm on my back snuggled up to someone her friend waved jack off so he tried to find paddy 5 minutes later the gards kicked us told us calm down so I got up and realised I lost jack and paddy. Alone out my nut surrounded by 40,000 people but then I heard ski mask play look at me and when I say I lost my shit I mean literally I lost my shit. AmD found me and we danced a bit she texted jack to find me an hour later they got the bus without me. I'm literally in hours drive home walking from Marley park to blessington so I thought a bump and that can in my pocket would suddenly help my journey.

Me and AmD pushed to get out and I asked for a smoke but she had rollies so I started a chant with no joke about 60 people. Any body wanna give me a moke with back ups of moke, moke. Got two smokes thrown in the middle when whe gained enough traction and lit them both at the same time and no joke everyone cheered. I swear this is a true story of my night that was one of the best moments of my life. Aoife dragged me out and we walked to Tesco gave her a hug and thought she put a leaf crown with a pink bow on my head but she said I've been wearing it for 3 hours so I decided to keep it. I tried retrace our steps and by 3 o'clock found a chipper chatted away smoked a rollie in a long skin lying back on a wooden table got told to fuck off then I got to a bus stop i remembered from where cills dad dropped me to one day to get the bus and seen some funny looking cunts in a limerick Jersey. Me Tom and fanny sat out at the bus stop smoking doobs and listening to x he told me he produced I told him send them on he got my snap I stopped some poor sober guy to take a pic and I will attach [soon, as of 00:21 4th September]

They left after that I didnt know where to go I hung back and walked what I thought was the only logical way to go but they turned down that way before me I thought I'd turn off but it's a bypass what normal guy turns on a bypass it's like ten minutes and I think they think I'm a serial killer who just got high at a bus stop so I turn left at this road and I don't know where I am. The sun rises in the east and river islands at the east carpark, so if go adjacent I'll get somewhere. The roads come back to me as I sweat out the mandy start to sober up and freeze i lost my jacket friday too i find the square but see no taxi cant stay there i work there that'll look dodgy i walk up a naked road leading to JT. The applegreens 24hrs doesn't matter if theres junkies around it I've cotten mouth only got 30 in cash now and its 35 to blesso so walk away but fucks walk faster. Called over ye mad cunt I'd say your freezing his name was philly he said he was heading up this was anyway just sold a bag asked if I wanted a bag and asked if I wanted a knee but I stared him down and he laughed it off and he pulled out a screwdriver gave me it said if I'm gonna be round here i need something to help and I said I dont want it so he threw it across the road and pulled 4 nails out of pocket asked if I wanted them then threw them at the fence. On maple wood Avenue I crossed into the grass part in the middle then he asked if he was intimidating me. I seen a taxi tried call it he jumped over shouting short of cartwheeling to wave down this taxi and I dong blame him for passing. We walked towards the square again and he asked me for a score I said no but did give him 4 euro. Got a taxi at like almost 6 and away from a situation was gonna be my last. One of those teen gets high stabbed to death kinda stories but I tried to explain I was broke. I had a 20 5 and 1 , he said we'll see how far it gets me. He was asking about the night and I think he kind of felt for me, lovely old Nigerian man. We got to blessington and it was 33. I searched the bag that I covered in blood from my nose for 3 awkward minutes and gave him 3 euro in 50s and 20s and he kept asking if I'd anymore. I pulled out the revolut card that I recieved for 6 euro 3 days earlier after a 10 euro deposit.

Thus concludes my first purchase with revolut.

Edit: 5:08 8th September 2019 found the pic gas night a the same

[swampgallows]

something inside me has been killing me for years and i can’t pinpoint what it is and i don’t know how to make it stop.

i guess i could have been working all of this time. i’ve wasted a lot of time since i stopped working. i told my parents i was going to be working on my writing and my art and my DJing and i have barely done any of that. i havent been able to write my next chapter for months. nothing has come to me. and the story is a stupid fanfiction so it’s not really worth anything, it’s not like i’m working on the next great american novel or whatever. i havent finished the illustrations i wanted to do for my zine so i haven’t released that yet either. im barely scraping by on gift art. it took me 5 months to order the lathe cut for myself but i did finally do -that-. and im barely on the second section of coding. everything feels so difficult and i can’t focus on a single thing at a time. i’ve been trying to figure my life out but all of my avenues seem empty.

last night i thought if i could pretend to be someone else that wanted to take care of me, i would be able to take care of myself. after an entire day of not eating, around 1am i guess i finally got something to eat. i’d had “drinkable yogurt” earlier but this was actually semi-solid food i was making. soup and grilled cheese. i spent enough time outside with the dog that i got a little chilled and figured i’d have that. nothing sounded appetizing. as i was sitting outside with xena i kept seeing things move and flash in the night and froze up with terror. they werent real, of course, but i saw them anyway. little spirit beasts flitting through the darkness.

i’ve been trying to keep my head above water. part of me knows that i really wouldnt be able to have kept working. i would have snapped at somebody or been Too Ill. i would have shown too much, the non-professional me. there is no professional me. i feel like no matter how hard i’d try, even if i wanted to, i would always be tangentially askew from the pulsing Thing to which everyone else is tied. i cannot ever be part of this Thing that everyone else is part of. I dont think it’s the kind of thing that dropping E and suddenly feeling the Unity or whatever will solve. i dont think a rush of endorphins will make me feel like i belong to society. i feel like i am a liminal entity and i have to exist in an in-between state or i will cease to exist at all. i dont fully know what i mean by that except that i feel like i must always be on my way somewhere. i would rush out of work and class and anywhere else, i walk anywhere i can and listen to music and check out mentally and physically from everything else. i live in my head where it is safe, and that is not safe. the internet is almost like a real version of this; existing as a liminal, safe, curated Self, a self away from the self, a place detached from my body and lifestyle and anything else. its a great equalizer where everybody has a say no matter where or who they are. 

i have written for over ten years now that i want to run away. i suppose i want to run away from myself but i’m not sure how true that is anymore. i dont know where i want to go. i have no destinations. just “away”.  i’ve been wanting to go to rotterdam for half of my life. i had always wanted to travel, of course, but there was never anything i wanted to actually do or see except to one day go to the netherlands and go to a nightmare in rotterdam or something like that, and now it’s finally happening. and it’s bigger than Nightmare, it’s THUNDERDOME. i never thought i would have the chance to go to a Thunderdome party in my lifetime but i’m alive and it’s happening and it’s like i cant even envision what i want to do or anything. i just want to get there, and be there, and exist in a place that isn’t here, and look at clouds, and smell different air, and see different buildings, and then dance my balls off all night to some really, really, really great music. this should feel like my wedding day but instead i just feel ...hard. i feel like i dont deserve it, or like it’s not actually going to happen, or like i will just ruin everything, or that somebody else will. 

nate was talking to me about all of these self-started self-accomplished people he’s been hanging out with and how he feels so pressured by their sheer level of success. he is also self-made and successful but feels like he’s supposed to be even more so. i dont know if i want success. i dont have anything to succeed at. 

my friend, who is an older friend but i had to keep at arm’s length a while, has come back into my life recently to help me with coding. granted, he’s drunk 99% of the time he talks to me, but he’s at least trying to encourage me to stick with it. he always wants to voice chat with me but i usually dont have the energy, or i’m doing something else. he keeps telling me about all the success i could have—”it's a journey but it's well worth it, and it's just a topic that you'll never exhaust as long as you live, which is true of the best topics worthy of devoting time to, and you're super smart, you'll have no issue with this -- just keep it up over a couple of years, just chipping away at it, and the career that's ahead of you could be so interesting”—and i feel like i just... don’t care. about any of it. about anything. sure i’d like to make/have a lot of money, i guess, just to keep my comforts. but then what? im living with my parents who i know actually do care about me, but don’t seem to, or just “support” me. 

when i finally got up the courage? stamina? delusion? to pretend to be someone else and grill me a cheese, i was feeling a little okay. i was feeling proud that i took initiative to at least fucking feed myself, since i barely seem capable of doing that. i was keeping up steam until i heard my mom crying from another room, “Where’s my baby girl? is that my baby?” and i knew she wasnt talking about the dog, and my heart dropped through my chest and i just wanted to die. “What do you want?” i snipped, trying to answer her but unable to hide my contempt apparently. “I just wanted to see you” or some such shit, i dont even remember what she said. “can i help with anything?” no “may i hug you?” (at least she asked) i don’t want to be hugged right now. “okay. im sorry you’re so unha--that youre not feeling good--- i hope you feel better...” and she hobbled away.

it was like 130 in the morning and i was standing over “45 calorie” wheat bread that had been thawed. my illusion of being someone that i was not—someone who gave a shit about me—was broken, and i felt like a fucking idiot, and i felt caught in the act of pretending, and i felt embarrassed, and i felt like... how dare i try to be something im not. how dare i imagine for even a fucking moment that im not genetically and financially and whatever the fuck else chained to this fucking family and all of my inherited neuroses and everything else. that she made an appearance specifically to disrupt whatever the fuck it was i was doing. because she had offered to cook me a thousand things and i didnt want any of them, and i didnt want her to take care of me, because im never going to be able to take care of myself, and when i finally took a course of action to actually try to feed myself my mom couldnt STAND it, apparently, and had to, still, offer to “help” when im MICROWAVING A CAN OF SOUP AND PUTTING BREAD ON A PAN. how could she HELP? she couldnt. she just had to fucking make her presence there because god forbid i do a single fucking thing on my own. i’m... 27 years old... for christ’s sake... i dont need “supervision” to toast some kraft singles onto bread... and if i did, i would ask.

or maybe i wouldnt. im not good at asking for help. even when i know i need it. i dont like owing people things or asking for favors. it just proves how worthless i am and that im dependent on other people and cant do anything by myself and that anything i do by myself fucks up. at least if i fuck up whatever it is i’m doing i wont have to drag anybody else into it. 

so i finally ate and after a few hours of cramps and being unable to even eat without feeling like i was gonna throw up, i spent like an hour in the bathroom regardless, immediately purging whatever it was i dared to eat. 

i dont know how to get better. part of me is afraid of getting better. if i have a good thing it will just be ruined. all i do is hold people back and im tired of getting in people’s way. im tired of making a bunch of wrong decisions and then half the time not even being able to own them. im tired of feeling like life is just happening to me and knowing that i dont have control over anything.

#blathering

[cheerisuu]

Im Back.

Boy, how time flies fast when you’re busy keeping things feel right. I mean, they’re supposed to be. I’m going to make this update as quick as i can and as precise as i can, bet i cant do both tho lmao.

It has been approximately 3 weeks since Rock Bottom (i guess it’s what you call it? Well, close.) and things has been quite, nice.

The month of July has really been a journey of what felt like forever. Today is the 12th of the month and i have come to the point where i realised that the mind is the only thing that keeps us from doing or achieveing something that we want. And this applies to a couple of situations:

I learned how to do a buck tuck.

This is one of the few things i achieved as i underwent through a “therapaeutic healing” after the incident. I surrounded myself with the few people that im friends with in our Pep Squad and fortunately my friend Dapitanon, P. also had a common friend which made our days more progressive. Just the act of cheering for each other to do one’s best really lifts everyone’s morale.

“It’s really all in the mind.”

We ARE physically capable of doing things but our mind seems to think that there’s an invisible obstacle that prevents us from pursuing what we want to achieve. I realise this as we were practicing for a back tuck, which i proudly achieved (with a spotter pa hehe). But that achievement was already some proof that if i can have control over my body, i can do all things if i just believe just enough to do it right. Heck, I think I’ll attach my tuck video somewhere on here.

1st of July.

We went to a dog cafe.

Idk what’s with me but i really like to do something special at least once a month with him and WITHOUT telling him. After all, I can’t just let myself be carried away with the emotions that lead me almost to the verge of thinking it was over, right? So despite our awkwardness and difference of treatment (slight), I still picked him up (with miraculously good timing too) with our Navara and was able to use it for the whole day before returning it back to my Granddad’s. Did i mention he got car sick? It was the cutest. (Am i weird for saying that? Doesn’t matter tho lmao) i thought of going to the dog cafe cause i was thinking, “Hey dogs can like help with your mental and emotional health right? So why the frick not.” Im surely going to post a little GIF here somewhere on how cute the doggos were. And when i tell you, dogs CAN bring the purest out of anyone. We literally were like talking to babies man and boy the dogs were HUUGE, only the pugs were like “hey hooman u can luv me unlyk diz oder bitchez” haha. But if ever things do go well for us in the future, we are DEFINITELY going to get a golden retriever man. It’s my dream!

Anyways, we also got to watch our first movie as “barkada pero gusto ang isat isa” or BPGAII, it was Toy Story 4. And bitch, dont get me started on how we were wondering if it was a child’s movie or not coz boi, we did NOT like the jump scares at ALL. But still, me being an emotional, soft potato, it still made me cry in the end. The meaning behind was great it was all about taking the risk, which was kind fitting? For him at least hekhek. Basically Woody chose to be with his hoe, Bo, for Buzz, his bro. But this aint no movie review so, *boop.

I gave him my skin care?

Ok tbh this was so random right. He realised my skin was glowing better (coz bitch, we aint lettin no sadness ruin this skin ya feel?) so he asked what was i using cos he was contemplating on his gorgeous face that he was getting ugly now. (The audacity, am i right?? Lol) so i CLEARLY (no pun intended) put into the effort of giving him some travel bottles and put in some samples of what moisturiser and micellar water i was using right, and i guess it worked out well? I also got to drive it TO him still. But the good side of this was i was able to be with my Granddad and spend some time together as his driver hihi.

LADY DRIVER.

So I’m getting good at this driving thing right, as driving from Malaybalay to Cagayan, Davao to Tagum and vice versa, Tagum to Maco and back. So i might as well be good at city driving and yall cant tell me otherwise lol,

(SIDENOTE:except for the fact i got stopped by the Yellow Ranger in Ecoland coz i was at the left lane at a traffic light and my mom told me to go straight WHICH WAS WRONG I GUESS THATS A THING RIGHT, so i was almost charged 1500 pesoses. But thank Heezuz i was with my mom and she was able to talk through the officer but sadly we had to name drop my Granddad since he was a known regional director at LTO before. Sorry Pops, i swear it’ll be the first and last time.)

Back to real time, i helped him with his errands and was really lucky with the timing coz my Dad went off for a trip and my mom was left with his car. So yup, got the chance to borrow it for half of the day and drove all the way to Maa to get a keyboard his friend is letting him use for the mean time, her name is Jen and she’s the sweetest. (No backstory will be dropped for privacy). Aight, so we drove back to their house at Magallanes but didn’t have enough time to say hi to his folks coz it was noon and they were on siyestas, right. I still regret why i didnt like fake-pee or something tho. HahahahahahahDONTJUDGE. We ate for some late lunch at SML and felt korek coz before we joke about “asa ta nag park?” And now we get to be in the situation haha. It’s funny coz just when i thought things were detoriating between us, the world just chooses to keep things tight and close and say something like “oh, u guys are having an emotional conflict and struggle about ur relationship? Here are things that only REAL couples do and i hope u enjoy em!!” Dumbass. Jokes aside, I drove him home and goodbyes are still awkward, but i was starting to understand the type of ‘low-key’ he means.

Usapang Gym.

Oh wow it’s already the fifth point. If you manage to read this far, congrats! You get nothing but to keep on reading this rollercoaster wreck lmao. I wasn’t expecting he would pay the whole month at our gym and expects me to come with him. And it came to me: i kept on thinking that i should ask for assurance but in reality, he really does mean what he said about just being “me”. Things were different but things also got better. It’s like losing some and gaining some right? Like a body excrcising, losing weight, gaining muscle, idk its a weak analogy but its close enough for yall to understand. It’s our first week today, (it’s Friday) i hope i could keep up tho haha. I guess I’ll keep progress updated? Idkidkidk. Also, i got to mention thats he is VAIN af. Idk if its a good thing or just a tragedy waiting to happen haha. I also became his coach, (oha san kapa haha), he told me he wanted help with increasing his verticle as he would help me with abdominals. So i bought sets of ankle weights only to find out the first one didnt suit him so i had to buy another set. AND IT WAS HALF THE PRICE I BOUGHT THE FIRST SET AND IT WAS BETTER. Prices will be disclosed. (250) So i like, i do my own workout right and he suddenly shows his hot-headed side of things coz he was upset he had to go home early coz there was this no-towel-no-workout policy at my gym so we had to cut our day short.

In times like these, my mind just goes to places to different situations. All the what-ifs start filling up my mind on how he could react to other situations that would cause a similar effect on what his character was showing right. But in the end, i still give kudos to myself coz im able to keep up and cope with how quick his personality changes sometimes. And sometimes, im the one with a crack on the head lmao. Well, most of the time.

TAKE AWAYS.

Fast forward to this very moment, its 11:30 in the evening and im recalling all of this on a positive note. Today was an addition to a great day we had as a rest day from gym. We watched Spiderman: Far From Home and i guess its now my current favorite and HAD to watch it twice.

Speaking of Twice, bruh i want to do a dance cover so bad of #Fancy or #YesOrYes coz i been itching and the choreo is sooo goood! Not to mention Twice was in Manila last 29th of June. *sighs in broke* but i cant say it was the best concert from them coz there were complications like Jungyeon had a sty and was wearing an eye patch the whole concert, Dahyun got sick after along with Mina who wont be attending the 2019 Twicelights Worldtour because she gets anxiety attacks and feels insecure about performing on stage suddenly. I mean i know you got no idea what im talking about but its just sad to think of the fact that even someone so adored by many people, someone who has great physical, social and emotional support, can still feel the lack of these mentally. And if you’re one of those people who feels anxious about anything? I hope you get well soon and i hope you find the true meaning of your purpose in this simulation, because you are not alone. x

In addition to almost wrapping this up, i also treated myself again something from Adidas (coz again, bitch, if no man gon treat me i gon treat myself! HAHA!) which i later on realise i now own 3 bags from there and thinking to get a fourth one....someone help me¿ i also have to mention i already treated myself about a week ago (🎶) by waxing my own axillae, grooming my own brows, a gorgeous lippie from Beauty Cottage called Elegant Impressionist shade #9 Byzantine for half its original price haha, nothing beats fishing me through a sale. Speaking of treat, my Dad gave me my first pair of Tigers man and i cant help but tell yall its the same pair that the He wanted and it totally pissed him off that i got the pair he wanted first so bad and now he doesn’t know what to do coz he’s afraid if we have the same pair we might wear it at the same time and it would be cringy and weird (now for normal people that would sound cute right, matching kicks and all. But no. Not in this lifetime.), since im just blabbering of how im spoiling myself might as well end it here folks.

Guess I’ll keep you updated on how stuff might go on from now since class is fast approaching. Tomorrow I guess I’ll be attending a send-off party for our friend she’s going to the U.S soon. Oh, did i mention the re-run for Endgame is out? 🤔