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#my back is already in almost constant pain i dont need more of that

asmogorna · 2 months

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Sorry to send another ask so soon (and idk if someones asked this already) but if you have any headcanons for Jon I'd love to hear them!

OK SO im really sorry it took me THIS long to get to this i quite literally.. forgot i had smth in my inbox woopsies. the reason i remembered is cause mootie posted some Spine hcs and i was like "woah"

alsooo im not good at putting my thoughts onto "paper" especially in english so you will have to excuse me

anywho my jon headcanons some sad some random /ref

First of all i think that his relationship with Peter Walter I would be far from close. he would be seen as the type of child who's both "too much mess to take care of" and "strong enough to take care of himself" if that makes sense. Peter did love him as his creation but would openly admit that he's not his proudest one, meanwhile Jon wouldn't feel much connection at all. he sympathized with his creator but only in a way he would with any other human being, there was more gratitude than love

Jon struggles with constant malfunctions and his mechanisms are a mess (partially because he gets himself in trouble all the time), so at one point Peter would get tired of fixing him so frequently, and tell him that he can just "walk some things off". That thought stuck to the bot and he would think of all of his malfunctions as slight inconveniences, i mean, he can still perform so why pay attention to the constant neck pain or powering up struggles ? it just became a habit and he kind of forgot that things like that shouldn't be ignored

After a long while when Peter Walter VI grew up enough to start learning more about how automatons work, Jon would be used as a "lab rat" (not really but its just what he himself called it) for young VI to practice fixing mechanisms. thats pretty much when he heard "Wait this cant be right" about his messed up physical state for the first time in a long while. little Peter didnt get to fix all of the things that were wrong with Jon's body, but he did manage to take care of some of them, which almost surprised Jon with how nice it felt to not hear pieces of broken gears rattle in his head every time he moved (who wouldve thunk)

ok now to more lighthearted stuff !!

Jon actually has a very strong bond with Sam ! He loves watching the mustached man work and sometimes follows him around, just enjoying his company. At first Sam thought that the tone-gold automaton was creepy and uncanny, but grew attached to him and his stupidity (/lh). i also think that Sam would be one of the few Walter workers who dont baby the Jon and actually treat him like they would treat any other robot :3

Also Jon just loves his robot family endlessly. shocker !! im not sure how explain it but i think hes the only one to look at other Walter automatons and go "bro i love them so much" at all times. in his head at least. obviously he teases them and argues with them but he wont think twice before accepting a hug from his siblings (except for Upgrade theyre rivals /j)

Speaking of Upgrade !! They feel the most sibling-ish to me (aside from Rabbit & The Spine) because they constantly poke fun at each other yet they still are willing to give each other help and comfort when needed. She once had to carry him all the way back to the Walter manor because they forgot to take some extra cans of crystal pepsi

Also Upgrade got in an accident once which caused her to have a fractured face for a couple of days, and Jon was there the entire time to comfort her and constantly tell her that shes still very pretty

Unlike with other robots, the food that Jon eats doesnt just fall through his uncovered jaw/run into his boiler or anything like this, instead it just. disappears. once he closes his mouth the food just vanishes into the unknown, yet Jon claims that he enjoys the process of "eating" (nobody knows how it works)

LITTLE GIRLS THAT GO TO SPG SHOWS LOVE HIM !! once the band finishes performing, he constantly gets pulled away by a small giggling pink-ish blob to join their tea party or hula hooping contest. thats why he has quite a knowledge on "girly" themes and educates other automatons on the matter

THATS IT FOR NOW TY FOR READING :3

#steam powered giraffe #spg #the jon spg #idk how to tag this uh #i love jon #i love him sm #hes my girlfriend #spg headcanons

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maxellminidisc · 28 days

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Silly but the DūnM3sh nonsense around the last episode has me thinking about how like idk mostly white autistic folks (of the vairety who are not in need of higher assistance) online act like ALL autistic folks exhibit the exact same symptoms and behaviors in social settings when like I find mostly other poc and a lot of women regardless of race have very different experiences with the sort of "stereotypical" reaction and behavior that's most often associated with autism. Which leads to a lot of you assuming we are neurotypical and then this line of thinking extends into your reading of autistic characters, be they headcanons or canon characters. Rest of this is going under a read more

Like idk for a poc, theres already very little grace given to us in social situations, especially when around white people. You guys dont realize but we are consistently aware that no matter what, when we enter a space with y'all there will always be an internal bias present in white people that will deem any behavior of confrontation as inherently aggressive or mean.

So we learn to navigate social situations with an already high level of need to analyze so many of the behaviors and cues of the people around us out of complete necessity. Neurodivergency or not, this becomes a matter of survival. And for some people, like me, the need to do this and possibly avoid and save yourself the pain of having people who's racism is a potential harm to you becomes a priority in your brain more than anything else you have going on. You cant completely shut everything else out about your neurodivergency but you learn enough to keep yourself safe. It's what I was forced to learn when I was like 5-13 because I was relentlessly bullied for my race and ethnicity, and later for my incapacity to not understand certain social cues or even break rules until I was about 12/13.

I'm not completely without symptoms and if anything some of them have gotten worse. I struggle now with knowing when to stop talking until I notice people start looking bored or annoyed and I sometimes dont talk enough for fear of being annoying to people I'm close to. Not to mention I'm ALWAYS double checking what I say in a way that's almost like a compulsion. Like constantly, to the point where before I say something with say like factual information, I like quadruple plus plus check everything on Google before I say it (and even then I might get shit wrong and my reaction to that is....oh boy). And even then I sometimes end up not saying anything because I'm too scared I said something wrong and mislead or upset someone. Or worse, this information is unwarranted and annoying.

If anything I'm someone who's neurodivergency made them OVER COMPENSATE the need to pick up on social cues, eye contact, sociability, etc because it was a way to defend myself (by making it harder to pick on me without push back) or keep myself safe.

But at the end of the day the constant need to keep up with ALL of this burnt me out by the time I was in college and it made me incapable of masking very many noticeable things anymore, especially my over sensory and stimming when I'm stressed (which isnt helped by the fact that I have synesthesia), the anxiety it produces, and ultimately that it leads me to having a panic attack and has me in the place I am now where that shame of freaking out in loud spaces gave me agoraphobia. Now my threshold for "neurotypical behavior" is like SIGNIFICANTLY shorter when I leave my house.

And I constantly apologize for sharing information when I do. Like I have it instilled in me now to say sorry for information I share because I think I'm bothering people. And my capacity to understand jokes is flawed if the person I'm talking to isnt someone I'm consistently around because I haven't completely been able to process the way they speak or their sense of humor. I sometimes take jokes that are lies, unreality, or sarcasm as literal and people have to say "oh no I was joking I made that up".

When I first meet people I'm actually told I'm way too quiet and kind of intimidating because I guess people can sense that I'm analyzing them like a lil computer and I look them in the eyes TOO much. Funnily enough one of my close friends in high school didnt like me very much at firsy because she asked me if I liked her after very little time of being introduced and I straight up said no without much thought as to why that would offend her alskdkdmkfkd but after a while of getting to know her more, we got close, and like most people, after a while they say I seem pretty "normal" and "nice".

And this isnt even touching on my emotional responses and my horrible rejection sensitivity. That would make this even longer. But the one thing I'll say is it's made my relationship with my family VERY bumpy, and especially tumultuous when young, and it's something they struggle to understand still A LOT.

And outside of situations where I cant mask anymore from exhaustion, I get why it's sort if unsurprising to me when I've met white autistic folks who mistakenly assume I'm neurotypical because I can just navigate conversations with a sheen of "normalcy" (and lol racism), until we talk and they're like oh shit I get it now (usually white people with ADHD can pick up on my neurodivergency much faster which is funny lol) where as other people of color with adhd/autism dont ever make that assumption, they just get it. They pick up on ME analyzing them and we just look at each other like 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♀️

#anyway alls to say is #the way we navigate society creates a much different experience of neurodivergency than you might think #and even then it might not be that different beneath the surface #but thats the thing you need to look beyond the surface of your assumptions in the first place #and again this mostly only applies to the experiences of lower support needs folks #online is where im like MOST chatty in person it takes me months to be like open to people #ill be polite and what not but i say very little of myself and get people to tell me about them #or im constantly listening and watchinf #which again is why i am like almost dead serious when i jokingly call Kabru my kinny skdkfkfkkck #this is also why i joined a lot of speech and debate shit cause i wanted to perfect #this capacity to talk to people and use that capacity for analysis to construct criticism or confrontation too

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thatwritingho · 1 year

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Please excuse me as I use Tumblr as a diary for a brief moment...

I'm so tired. I miss being able to do things I love, to write and engage in fandom, to be active in the community and actually talk to people. But I have no energy left to talk to anyone- not my irl friends, not my parents, and barely even my husband. I'm so constantly overstimulated at work surrounded by loud coworkers and screaming children that I need silence and solitude almost the entire time I'm not there.

Getting an asd diagnosis is a double edged sword- a relief to know I was right, but also now that I can recognize what the causes of my constant distress are, I am so deeply angry.

I am so fucking furious. Working customer service jobs for the last decade, most of which were physically demanding as well as mentally taxing, has wrecked my mental health and left me in a constant state of burnout for I dont even know how long. Not to mention the physical damage, like getting a concussion and back injury on the job.

I feel like I'm losing more and more of myself every few weeks to burnout, with the constant pain and fatigue becoming unbearable. Dragging myself out of bed in the mornings and forcing myself to go into a job I hate every fucking day is taking more and more energy which I already have so little of.

I can't get disability income because I'm married. I can't not work because we can't afford to live if I don't. But I can't keep doing this. I'm approaching a wall fast and running out of time with no real solution in sight. My body and mind are both deteriorating, and I don't know how to fix it.

I am so, so tired.

I am so, so angry.

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summertimeskinney · 1 year

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lol just ranting

anyone else at the point where they are just maintaining even tho they arent even close to their ugw? bc im 130 rn and maintaining it but my ugw is at least 74/75 but im just at the point where im not always completely disgusted by my body because im looking at it more subjectively and i dont think i would look good skin and bone.. honestly i dont even know why im doing this anymore. Like i dont even remember why i started doing this in the first place. my hw was like 150-160 and the only reason i became aware of my weight was because authority figures in my life were pointing it out (according to my bmi i was only slightly overweight) I started losing weight rapidly in freshman year because i discovered proana and found a community of people who were in the same situation. and i was praised.. by everyone? i was starving, then i was binge/purging. how did i even end up like this? i mean ive never really had the best relationship with food but i was only overeating a bit. now i eat until i feel so sick that i puke or am in physical pain. i can make myself throw up on demand now? ive gone literal days without eating anything. like nothing at all besides diet soda, sugar free monster, and water. im at the point where my brain is in a constant battle between the decision to binge or starve. i'll just be minding my business than my brain will be like "if you were 80lbs it wouldn't be this way" or "you're so fat, it wouldn't even be hard to be 100lbs or less. like. what are you doing? why are you so heavy and gross?" it won't stop. and instead of starving like i used to i just binge, like all day. and i dont purge either.. i don't even know whats going on anymore. im not depressed like i used to be, but i can't get the thoughts out of my head. i guess you really are in it forever? i never really believed all the warning posts about how bad eds are and how you can never go back, or maybe i just ignored them. i cant even fathom what i really look like. i have body dysmorphia in all the ways. not only do i think that despite being 5' tall and 130 lbs i would fit into anything bigger than a small. i feel gross, but ik that when i go to the doctor she's going to say that i need to lose more weight because im 2 lbs from being in a normal bmi rage. despite my titties literally weighing almost 10lbs. but then i already have troubles fitting into clothes, most places don't carry more than a small or xs in person and almost never go over a small online. i am already an xs - small as an "overweight" person. I cant imagine how hard it would be to find clothes that actually fit me at 75 lbs soaking wet. i saw a video by jesse page today talking about how she always thought that to be a princess she had to be as delicate as possible and never take up space, but then how after gaining weight she fit her princess dresses better and relearned how to feel beautiful. i want to be a delicate little doll that you could toss around and never took up a whole seat. a pretty little doll that you had to be extra careful with because you didn't want me to break. ik its not good to feel this way but i can't change the temptation to forever be empty, live off candy and diet coke, and never eat real food again. to be more of an object than a human being. but then the logical side of my brain pipes in and is like hi, i dont care what i weigh but i want to have a strong healthy body with some good biceps. i dont know how to help myself or be normal.

anyways

im fasting n laxing tmrw bc i need a cleanse. lol bye

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jerry-hornes-foot · 2 years

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Wrote a part two to my double penetration Steve ask from @haganism !! Part one here (in case you need to catch up on all the plot 😂)

1286 words

18+ only

Smut

Steve Harrington x Jonathan Byers x Gender Neutral Reader

Tags: dom/sub; dom!jonathan; sub!reader; sub!steve; threesome; double penetration; cum eating; anal sex; oral sex; masturbation; pet names; whore (reader/steve); good boy (steve); aftercare

During the time it takes Jonathan and Steve to recuperate you're kept on your knees, Jonathan instructing you to keep perfectly still to stop too much of his cum from dripping out of your hole. Every now and then Jonathan's fingers gently brush over you, making sure you don't get the chance to wind down, keeping you hypersensitive and overstimilated. Each time he does so he lifts his fingers to Steve's lips and pushes them gently into his mouth, letting Steve gently suckle Jonathan's cum off them to get him riled up for the main event.

"Alright." Jonathan announces finally, crawling over the bed and flopping down on his back in front of you. "I think we're ready to go. Just have to check one more thing."

Jonathan is lying so that his face is just inches below yours. A wicked smile spreads over his face. He snaps his fingers at Steve and, before you have the chance to look over your shoulder to see what he's doing, you suddenly feel Steve's tongue tracing along your skin. He sinks slowly and intentionally into your hole, bringing his tongue out with a delicate flick. You would have thought by now that the feeling would have subsided, but Jonathan's constant teasing has done its job, your skin smoulders under the touch of Steve's tongue. You jolt forward slightly, gritting your teeth in an attempt to catch a harsh grunt as instant incredible feeling of pleasure and pain sends a shock into your stomach. Jonathan's smile widens as he stares up at your grimacing face.

"Perfect."

The bedsheets twist in your hand as you grip tightly to them. Steve's tongue pushes into you, lapping hungrily at Jonathan's cum. Your skin is on fire, every tiny brush of Steve's face against you makes your muscles tense. It's barely been ten seconds and you know already he'll make you cum, you want it so badly too, but you know you'll have to hold off for a while. You dont know if you could bear feeling any more sensitive. Steve groans as Jonathan's cock slides into his ass, even the hot puff of air as he exhales makes your head spin. Steve's pace slows to an excruciating crawl as you hear Jonathan mutter an instruction somewhere over your shoulder. You stifle a shout in the sheets as Steve's tongue just barely traces over you in a long drawn out stroke.

"So what's this then?" You ask, jaw set in an attempt to keep your voice from shaking. "Your idea of a punishment?"

Jonathan laughs, bucking his hips into Steve to knock him forward into you. This time you're not quick enough to catch the grunt in your teeth.

"I wouldn't need to punish either of you if you weren't such little whores."

Jonathan's retort catches you off guard. He's never spoken to you like that before, you'd always thought he wouldn't dare. You're a little taken aback by how much you like it. You're glad that Jonathan's positioned you on all fours like this, it means neither he nor Steve can see the deep red flush that's washed over your cheeks. Steve's tongue rolls again and a pathetic whine bursts from your throat. You hear a quiet, cocky laugh from Jonathan. You're enjoying this, and he knows it.

Your head is buried in the sheets. You've given up almost entirely on staying quiet and have resorted instead to trying to muffle your screams in the mattress. Behind you, Steve's grunts are growing heavier as Jonathan starts to fuck him harder. Tension burns in your thighs as you struggle to hold yourself up. As Steve's tongue works over you the heady mixture of pleasure and pain is becoming to much to bear, you're going to cum again soon, you know it, but how long it will take Jonathan is a mystery. Steve's tongue slips out for a second, the heat of his breath making you shiver as he pants against you. His tongue barely presses against you for a second before his head rolls forward, his whole body pushing into you so that his nose runs over your hole and makes you shout.

"Fuck!!" It strikes you that this is the first time you've heard Steve's voice in nearly an hour.

A firm smack bounces off the walls of the room and you instantly feel Steve's tongue once more. You can tell he's close, maybe even closer than you. He's messy now, his whole head rolling and bobbing as he licks into you. With another smacking sound Steve moans into your hole. The vibration of his lips is so subtle, you'd probably barely even notice it if you weren't so horrificly sensitive. The instant his tongue touches you again you throw your head back and cry out. You cum even harder than last time, the aftershocks making you fall limply under Steve's body. He makes a weak attempt to hold you up with one hand, but drops you immediately and you flop down face first on the bed. Within seconds you hear Steve grunting harshly behind you as he cums too.

Jonathan's face appears by yours.

"You okay?" He whispers, his voice is soft now, there's a slight smile playing on his lips.

You nod, too fucked out to answer properly.

"Want to watch for a bit? Or are you done?"

You manage a weak laugh and roll onto your back. You're totally spent, and yet you can't help yourself, something about watching Jonathan and Steve together drives you wild. Jonathan moves himself and Steve further down the bed to give you more space. Steve looks fucked out too, but he's more than happy to keep going. Steve kneels obediently on the floor, hands folded in his lap, head tilted up at Jonathan with his mouth hanging open. Jonathan takes his own cock in his hand and starts stroking. It's always impressed you a little how well Jonathan knows his own body, how efficiently he can finish himself off. He sighs, leaning forward and letting his cum spray into Steve's open mouth.

"Good boy." Jonathan purrs, gently cupping Steve's face in his hands.

Your body tenses a little as you feel one final twitch below your waist at the sight of them.

Jonathan takes Steve to the bathroom to get them both cleaned up, giving you the opportunity to lie still for a while and relax. You can feel your body starting to melt into the mattress as your muscles unwind. It's not until you start to cool down that you realise how hot you were. When Steve and Jonathan finally reappear, Jonathan sets a glass of water on the table beside you. He props himself up on the pillows on the other side of the bed, moving carefully as to not disturb you. Steve crawls up and nuzzles tightly into Jonathan's chest.

"You okay down there?" Asks Jonathan softly, looking down at your body which is splayed out across the bottom of the bed. You nod. "Want to come up here?" You smile at him and shake your head. He smiles back.

You're happy where you are. It's cool, and you need a little time to just not be touched. Besides, you feel so safe here with the two of them resting at the top of the bed. Your body feels so relaxed now, and you're in a sort of half sleep that makes you feel as though you're floating. The air in the room is cooler now, and you feel as though you can breathe again. The sounds of Steve and Jonathan's gentle whispering fades off further and further into the distance as you drift off into a warm, comfortable sleep.

#writing requests #steve harrington smut #jonathan byers smut #jonathan byers x steve harrington x reader #stonathan #stonathan x reader #jerryhorneskink

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sapphosvioletts · 3 years

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Quiet Moments

Bucky Barnes x Autistic Daughter reader

Request: i was wondering if you could possibly do a rewrite of tfatws for bucky x autistic!daughter for the scene in ep5 where they’re all working on the boat together, and they go into sensory overload and it’s just rlly fluffy?

Word count: 1,381

Warnings: description of sensory overload

Note: Not every autistic person experiences autism the same. I'm autistic and I am writing from my perspective of how I personally experience autism, but not everyone feels the same as me or has the same perspective as I do.

-the reader is adopted, they are not biologically related. I want my writing to be inclusive to everyone, which is why i am specifying this incase it isn't directly said in the fic

.oOo.

I try to give polite smiles as I walk by the others, but it's difficult given how overwhelmed I already am. There's so many people, people that I don't even know. I can't stand crowds and new people make me anxious, so I should've known that it would be too much for me.

When I finally spot my dad, who is on the boat doing some work while talking to Sam, I start making my way over to him. I step onto the boat from the dock, very carefully like Sam had badgered me about almost every single time, partly to be annoying and partly for my own safety.

I swerve through the couple of people on the boat until I make it to the end. When Bucky sees me his eyes light up and he smiles widely. "Hey doll, you doing alright?" I nod with the best smile I can, despite being slightly overwhelmed.

"You wanna help sand the wood?" Sam asks, and I nod my head. It looked like my dad was doing the same thing as well, so I could stick by him. Sam smiled and got up, handing me the sandpaper instead. He went off to another part of the boat to work on something else, leaving just Bucky and I.

It was peaceful, both of us just sanding the wood with the sound of the crashing waves behind us. My previous anxiety slowly went away, being relatively far away from other people, and just the peaceful environment.

Bucky started telling me stories about what has happened while he was gone with Sam, of course trying his best to tell all of the embarrassing stories about Sam.

I'm cut off from my laughter at hearing a story about Sam, by another man also on the ship. He was calling Bucky over, probably needing help with something. Bucky gives me a sympathetic smile before leaving to go help the man, murmuring a soft "Be right back" as he stands up.

The first couple minutes went fine, but the longer I went without any distractions, the more the anxiety began to creep back up. I don't have Bucky's voice recollecting the current events to distract me, I don't have something else to bring my focus to. Well, besides sanding the wood, but that's not necessarily distracting enough.

In fact, I started to notice how terrible the feeling and sound of the sanding is. The weird vibration and scratching feeling seems to go up my whole arm, making me shiver. The sound of the scraping on the wood, as well as the constant conversion that I'm overhearing despite not being close to anyone, the nonstop rocking of the ship, and the waves that were once relaxing, now feel painful to my ears.

Eventually I can't handle it any longer, and drop the sandpaper. My hands come up to cover my ears and I squeeze my eyes shut. When I open them again, my head whips around frantically, looking for an out. I don't want to be here anymore, it's all too much.

I anxiously bite my lip when I see that the dock to the entrance of the boat is packed with people, so my only way off the ship is blocked. My eyes fall on the next closest spot I could go, which is the entrance to the lower part of the boat. It's dark, away from everyone, and hopefully quiet, it seems like the next best option.

I climb down the ladder and immediately run to the back. I slot myself between the wall and what I'm guessing is some sort of machine or power something, I honestly dont really pay attention to what it is, I have too much else going on in my mind.

I hug my knees to my chest and stuff my face into my knees, finally letting my tears fall. I hiccup with my sobs and start rubbing my hands up and down my shins quickly, looking for some sort of stim that brings me the right stimulation I am looking for.

It's hard to explain to some people, why would I want more sensory stimulation when I'm already overwhelmed? But it's more just needing the right sensations, almost like there's just too much going on inside of me, too many emotions and feelings, and it's hurts not being able to get those out. It feels like my body is just too still and calm for how I'm really feeling. I start to rock back and forth, not caring about my back hitting against the wall.

I only look up about 10 minutes later when I hear a voice, but it's a nice, familiar one this time. It took a second for my eyes to adjust and see clearly through my tears, but I eventually make out Sam standing in front of me.

He comes a bit closer and kneels in front of me, not touching me, but still showing he's there for me. As he speaks he keeps his voice gentle and quiet, not wanting to overwhelm me even more. "Hey, do you want to go back up to your dad?" My eyes widen and I shake my head no. Everything up there is so overwhelming, even just the thought of going back up makes me shake with anxiety again.

"That's okay. Do you want me to get him and bring him down here instead?" I nod to that, and so with one last soft smile, Sam gets up to get Bucky. I put my face back in my knees while I wait, my sobs thankfully calming down to just steady tears. Talking to Sam definitely helped, it was a nice distraction, even if it was only very brief.

Not even a minute later I hear the ladder creak and see a large figure coming down, who I know to be my dad by his boots. He steps off the ladder quietly, his footsteps also very quiet, much different from his normal footsteps.

When he spots me he makes his way over to me and sits down in front of me, but still leaving a good enough distance that I don't feel trapped. For a couple minutes we both stayed quiet, only enjoying each other's presence as I slowly calmed down.

Bucky finally turns his head over to me when he sees my breathing has turned to normal, compared to my previous shaky and slightly hiccupy breathing. "It's overwhelming up there, huh?" He asks softly, a gentle smile on his face.

I nod and look down, almost ashamed. No matter how many times Bucky assured me I have nothing to be ashamed about, I still can't help it. But instead of bringing attention to it, which would undoubtedly only make me even more flustered and overwhelmed, he instead only spoke softly.

"I get that. There was a lot of people, I was thinking of heading back in to the house soon anyways. It was getting pretty hot too." I give him a small, tight lipped smile. He'll often subtly try to give his similar experiences whenever I feel ashamed, to show me that I don't need to be ashamed or embarrassed.

He doesn't rush me to get up and leave, he instead relaxes against one of the other machines with me. He's close enough that I can reach his metal arm, so I hesitantly each out for it. He smiles and moves closer to me, letting me hold his hand.

I play with his fingers, feeling how the metal plates move and shift, and the very soft whirling noise that you could so easily miss if you aren't paying attention to it. His arm is great for stimming, and once he found out how much I love it, he's starting offering his metal arm out for me to hold as a habit.

He watches me with glassy eyes as I fidget with his metal arm, my face relaxed and even slightly content, but my eyes are wide with curiosity as I stare intently at the small plates moving. Neither of us say anything, we don't have to. We both know how thankful we are for each other, and it's especially in the small, quiet moments like this that we both feel it.

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megan-is-mia · 3 years

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May I ask for a nsfw scenario with number 6, 29, and 46 from the second prompt with Jade and Trey? Thanks in advance!

(ooo i've been wantin to do this couple!) 6. “You look so beautiful when you cry.” 29. “Oh, you like being choked?” 46. “I want to know what makes you squirm, what sounds you make if I touched you here—” (Yandere! Jade Leech and Trey Clover x Fem! S/o) (WARNING NSFW AND NON-CON AHEAD)

(Y/n) believed in true love, for she had seen it with her own two eyes. At Night Raven College there could not have been a more perfect pair than Trey Clover and Jade Leech. Just watching the two made the young woman’s heart jump for joy for them, how lucky they were to have found each other. You couldn’t help but feel good just by being in their proximity.

Why (Y/n) considered herself more fortunate than most that not only did she get to see such a lovely couple but could call both halves of the duo her close friends. She cherished her friendships with the boys so but as of late something had seemed a bit off. When she helped Trey cook treats it seemed like he was making constant excuses for them to touch. When she visited Jade at the Monstro Longue, his words were almost flirtatious in nature.

At first, she’d brushed off these little incidents as nothing, after all, what close friendship wasn’t sprinkled with platonic interactions that bordered on the more romantic in appearance? However, as these little incidents began to accumulate (Y/n) grew worried about the state of her friends’ relationship not only with her but with each other. Finally, it came to a head when she called both men to her room one night to discuss the matter.

“Jade… Trey… you two know I care about you but you need to stop” (Y/n) said with a grave expression. Neither male spoke so she continued her statement. “I know you two probably didn’t mean to do it, but I can’t help but feel like you’ve been flirting with me as late. The sweet words and gentle touches... it all feels too intimate to me” she clarified waiting for one of the boys to speak up and put her fears to rest. “Do you have a problem with being flirted with?” Trey finally said with a curious look in his eye. “What? Well no… I mean I’m not against being flirted with in principle” (Y/n) stammered out bemusedly at this question. “If you aren’t against the flirting then what’s the issue then?” Jade asked tilting his head to the side. The young woman blinked at him, unable to comprehend his question towards her. “Aren’t you upset? I mean... i just revealed your infidelity to each other“ (Y/n) said dumbfounded. “Oh dear one aren’t you sweet to worry about our relationship” Jade said with a coo reaching out to cup the girl’s face. “Darling I knew that Jade was flirting with you, and he knew I was also flirting with you” Trey said with a smile at (Y/n). “But… why? Why would you do that?” the young woman said flinching as her cheek was cupped.

“Why? Well it’s very simple we love you” Trey said with a chuckle. “Love me? But you two are already together! Don’t you love each other?!” (Y/n) protested. “Yes, of course, we love each other but that doesn’t mean we can’t also love you just as much” Jade said sweetly squeezing her cheek, “But I don’t love you two like that, you’re my best friends! Even if you wanted me to I can’t!” (Y/n) said shaking her head rapidly.

“It’s okay dear one, we didn’t expect you to be on board right away” Jade cooed squeezing (Y/n)’s cheek again before suddenly pushing her down on the bed. “In fact i was sorta hoping you’d be a bit resistant to the idea” he adds before climbing onto the bed and straddling her. The young man gazed down at her, his eyes alight with a strange glow that could only spell further distress for (Y/n). “I hope you two aren’t intending to leave me out of the fun” Trey said moving over to sit on the bed beside his boyfriend with a playful pout. (Y/n) looked up at the two men, her eyes starting to fill with tears that were quick to start rolling down her face. “You look so beautiful when you cry” the bespectacled male said almost in a trance, leaning down to lick up the tears before they fell off the girl’s cheeks and soaked the bed.

After the tears began to ebb, Trey switched from licking to kissing. He peppered (Y/n)’s face and neck in light kisses that left her skin feeling all tingly. While he kissed her, Jade began undressing her keeping her pinned to the bed with his body weight as he removed her top and palmed her chest. An impish grin spread across his features as he toyed with her nipples and made her let out a gasp.

“What a cute noise~” Jade cooed continuing to toy with (Y/n)’s nipples before bringing his mouth down to suck on one until it was stiff before switching to the other one sucking it until was also stiff. He continued to lavish her chest with attention while one of Trey’s hands crept down the bed and into (Y/n)’s pants to paw at her clit impatiently. The young woman tried to squirm away from the boy’s fingers with little success. “Where are you going darling?” Trey said playfully continuing to tease her clit before going further and slipping a finger into her cunt. (Y/n)’s back arched off the bed and she let out a moan. He continued probing her pussy, forcing his finger deeper and deeper twisting it around playfully. After a few minutes, he pulled his finger out with a soft pop. “Jade dear, would you mind moving so I can get the rest of our darling’s clothes off?” he cooed sweetly. “Of course” Jade crooned kissing Trey before getting off of (Y/n). “After all, I want to know what makes you squirm” he added these words directed to the young woman as he caressed her cheek and Trey pulled her bottom garments off before settling between her legs. “I wonder what sounds you make if I touched you here—” Trey mused before shoving two fingers into her cunt. Of course (Y/n)’s body reacted violently, her entire body tensing up at the intrusion as a moan slipped from her lips. Jade sat by watching, his cock in his hands as he jerked himself off to the sight before him. Trey was focused on the task before him, stretching the young woman’s cunt out for what would happen next. (Y/n) bit her lip feeling a wave of sensation about to overcome her before her vision went white with bliss. “Oh my darling, you made quite a mess” Trey said with a laugh pulling his fingers out and licking them clean. “I guess there’s no reason to waste any more time” he added sitting up and undressing completely before lining himself up with (Y/n) and thrusting in. “Fuck, you feel so tight” Trey moaned out bottoming out in the young woman. Jade began to undress himself leaning over to kiss his boyfriend and taste their sweetheart on his tongue. Trey gripped (Y/n)’s hips for a better angle and pounded her greedily, his movements calculated to hit her sweet spot without mercy. He continued to make out with Jade for a long moment before pulling away and lifting (Y/n) up into his lap with her legs spread on either side of his hips. “What are you waiting for dear? There’s plenty of room in her for both of us” he said to his boyfriend. Jade took the invitation gladly, scooting up behind (Y/n) and lining his cock up with her already stuffed hole before thrusting in. The young woman’s vision blurred at the sensation, half in pain and half in pleasure. The eel-boy thrust shallowly a few times, burying himself deeper with each movement until he was all the way in. His teeth pressed against the girl’s neck as he made a love-bite. The two young men began thrusting widely in and out hardly concerning themselves with the pleasure of the young woman between them. (Y/n) tried to scream but each attempt was cut off by Trey’s lips pressing against hers roughly. Suddenly her breathing was cut off all together as a hand wrapped around her throat and squeezed. The lack of air did nothing to stop her feeling pleasure and she came with a strangled moan. “Oh, you like being choked?” Jade said with a laugh, loosening his hold before (Y/n) passed out from oxygen-deprivation. He and Trey continued to rocket in and out of her before they eventually came deep inside her cunt with loud groans. The young woman barely registered that they’d come in her with all the thoughts that were already racing in her mind. Both men were resting their heads on her shoulders as they panted heavily. “That… was... amazing” Trey said between gasps. He began kissing across (Y/n)’s throat as they started to descend from the high of sex. After a few minutes he pulled out with a soft pop, Jade following suit a moment after and allowing (Y/n) to lay on the bed as cum began to drip out of her cunt. Trey

disappeared from view briefly before returning with a washcloth he used to wipe (Y/n)’s body clean of cum and sweat. “Well i dont know about you but i quite enjoyed myself” Jade said with a yawn before laying beside (Y/n). “Though i have to admit i’m feeling rather tired now” he added snuggling up to the young woman. “I had a good time as well” Trey said laying on (Y/n)’s other side and snuggling close. “And i’m sure our darling had a good time too” he said kissing the girl’s cheek as he got comfortable. “I cant wait to introduce everyone to our new girlfriend” Trey said cheerifully. “Me neither, life will be even sweeter now that all three of us are together” Jade agreed with a grin. “But that’ll all have to wait until tomorrow” he added after a moment. “Sweet dreams dear one” he said kissing (Y/n) before falling asleep. The young woman stared up at the ceiling sorrowfully, waiting for sleep to take her to a less miserable place… THE END

#Trey Clover #Jade Leech #Yandere Trey Clover #Yandere Jade Leech #TWST #Yandere TWST #Yandere Twisted Wonderland #Twisted Wonderland

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inlovewithfictionalmensblog · 3 years

Text

Traitor (B.R)

Paring: billy russo x fem!reader

Warning: angst, going through pregnancy, cheating, violence, pregnancy sickness. And....idk if there will be fluff.

Summary: billy and you agreed to make it just friends with benefits. But it turned into more. But then billy f!cks it up. and now your left to go through something all alone. (With your sister and parents of course)

(I already made a oneshot about something similar to this, but i wasnt proud of it, so i decided to try and make one better:) )

(Gif isnt mine, none of the gifs i put in my stories are mine :)

"I never should've expected anything different from you. I'm blind to have believed you" Y/n spat, she kept in her tears. She'd rather kill a thousand men then let one see her cry. Billy had a hard guilty face, his heart was stinging, she had no emotion in her face. Her eyes were no longer filled with joy and adoration. No. Now it was filled with anger and regret.

Regret, of ever falling for him. And it pained billy, he never expected it to get this far, no. Maria and frankie introduced them, and they instantly connected, but they put that connection aside and decided to just go to each others places and enjoyed the pleasure. It was just constant sleeping around, nothing more. But billy felt free with Y/n , a feeling he never felt with other woman he slept with. He fell for her instantly. By the way her perfect h/c hair was in her face while she peacefully slept naked under the covers.

The way she would smile over small things like whenever she saw a butterfly fly by, ir when a dog wiggles its tail. Or when they're at a meeting, and one of the men mive their chair making a squeaking noise that made y/n let out a small anort covering her mouth looking the other way, that way she wouldnt laugh her ass off. He loved that about her. Y/n was a business woman, training to use guns and weapons. She was strict when it came to her job. She was hardheaded, strong, confident, but she wad naive and stubborn. Most of all, selfish.

But billy didn't care. He never saw her cry or show her emotions, and he already excepted her never would. Here he was, staring at her, as her phone dropped, anger showing in your face.

"Y/n. I need you to know it was only for work" billy said eagerly trying to make you believe the words coming from his mouth. You shaked your head.

"So you let your work get in the way, of what we had?" Y/n said, the calmness in her voice almost making bolly shiver in fear. It was never pretty to see her angry, or upset.

"Y/n, baby. Dont be mad at me please. It meant nothing, she means nothing."

"You know what hurts?" Y/n said. "That i heard it from her. And just by hearing her fucken voice, billy. She had pride all over her fucken face" y/n chuckled dangerously.

"Y/- baby--"

"Dont fucken 'baby' me! Billy." Y/n shook her head, her breathing got faster.

"Give me 20 minutes to pack my shit, and then I'll leave you with your slut" y/n told him.

"No. Y/n! Y- you promised to never leave me, to never break m-"

"You broke mine first Billy! I intended to keeo my promise. But how can i, when you decide to fucken ruin everything!"

Billy stood there, shocked. Scared, guilty, upset from his stupid actions towards dinah. Sad because he knew, you were no longer his.

Y/n grabbed a bag, filling it uo with her belongings, some of them. She just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

Shortly, after 20 minutes, y/n finished, grabbing her bag, and heading out the door. Billy wanted to chase after her. But it was no use.

She was gone.

But he intends to get her back. He knew it would be hard, but he knew he could never find another girl like her. And he wasnt gonna risk losing her for good. Even though he knew he possibly already did.

"Y/n...please dont leave, it'll be lonely..who will i go to whenever frank does some shit to fuck up something?"

Y/n softly chuckled.

"I'll send you my address to where I'll be staying at. But keep it to yourself. Only you will know" y/n said to her.

"And what about...the baby?" Karen brought up. Y/n widened her eyes, forgetting about the test she took only this morning. She had found out 3 weeks with karen, dinah found out 2 weeks later after hearing a conversation between karen and y/n. Pretty obvious she didn't tell billy about it.

"I'll raise it alone. My mother did it, i can do it too" y/n smiled lightly. Truth was...she wasnt sure she could. But she wasn't gonna abandon her baby, not like her father had done to her. Her baby was already a big part of her life. There was no way in hell she was gonna abandon it.

"You're the strongest woman I've ever met, y/n, talk to me if you need anything, and call me when you can to let me know about you and the baby" karen said to her with a frowing face. Karen adored y/n too much to let her do this alone. And y/n appreciated that.

"I will"

The cottage was beautiful and homey. Far away from the city of new york. The flowers were beautiful, different colors, and different smells. Although y/n thought flowers really onky had one scent...which smelled like nothing or just roses. The grass surrounding the cottage house was beautiful, perfectly green and healthy. The white gate, clean. The sound of the beach waves calming y/n down from her nerves. Inside the cottage house, were three bedrooms. One, which was the master bedroom, the walls were a matte, light brown colors, the Queen bed, coverd in white soft sheets. Different plants.

The second bedroom, in which y/n decided was the baby's bedroom since it was the closest to her bedroom. She still hadnt decided how to decorate it since it was too soon to tell the gender.

The second bedroom, was just a guest bedroom for either her siblings, it was enough for her two big brothers and little sister.

The living room, seemed to be decorated aesthetically, vines, beautiful paintings, the soft couch that made y/n want to forever sleep in.iver 3 minutes away from the cottage was free space, where she parked her car, and was able to shoot her gun.

Her thoughts kept going to billy, remembering the beautiful memories before he fucked up. The way he kissed her, made love to her, punished her, cooked for her, cared for her. Loved her. The way he smelled whenever he hugged her or pushed his body against hers. Every love letter he wrote for her when he was a marine, they knee each other for 6 years, they were together for 6 years. And in those 6 years, she was...happy. smiled, laughed.

But now, she sat on the sand, watching the sunset, hearing the relaxing sound of the waves. Her eyes watering, she didnt dare cry in front of him, but now that she was alone. She was free to cry all she wanted.

Meanwhile, in billys penthouse, he had tears running down his eyes like pouring rain, as frankie yelled at him.

"How can you be so stupid! Bill, she was perfect for you , and you let her leave for some fucken agent thats clearly using you?!" Frankie yelled. Billy knew his mistake, he hated frankie reminding him.

"You dont think i fucken know that?! I know i messed up! If i could take it all back, trust me. I fucken would" billy argued. He nose twitching, his eyes red and puffy. He didn't want to go to thier old shared bedroom if he did. He would fall down his knees.

"Then find her! Get her back! She's my sister bill, i told you not to fucken break her heart. And thats the first thing you fucken do" frankie yelled defensively. You were his little sister, his baby sister. He would kill for you. And now that he had no idea where you were. He was tearing down everything around him.

"I will frankie. I never meant to hurt her. Fuck, Frank shes everything to me, means the world to me. I cant bear being without her, help me" billy said "help me find her and make her mine again"

Frankie sighed and nodded.

Y/n spent a couple of weaks reading pregnancy books, and reading how to be a perfect mother. Everything a good mother should know. As she was so concentrated, her phone rang making her flinch.

"Hello?" "Y/n, how have you been?" Karen said from the other line. Y/n sighed tiredly.

"Tired. I keep vomiting. And crave pickles..i hate pickles!" Y/n frowned. Karen laughed shaking her head. Before her smiled waved off.

"Frankie has been worried about you...y/n/n, he cant sleep or eat. He cries most of his nights. He needs to know y/n"

"Not yet, kare. Please dont tell him"

"Too late. Because while i was in the shower, he saw your address, and im pretty sure he's on the way" karen winced. "You've got to be kidding me"

"Im sorry, y/n, i swear i didn't mean for him to find out"

"Its fine kare. I'll talk to you later K"

"Be safe"

Y/n stood in the sand, waiting for her brother ti arrive. She looked down playing with the little shells she had found.

"You always did have love for the ocean" franks voice said behind her. Y/n chuckled shaking her head.

" i got it when you drowned me" frankie sat beside her. "In my defense, it was either you or me, i simply chose me" he smirked.

Y/n smiled. Frankie always did make her smile.

"I know somethings up, little sis. Tell me" frankie demanded in a soft tone. Y/n sighed, getting up wetting her feet with the water.

"Im pregnant" she muttered looking down, guilty overtook her. She squinted her eyes at the sun. Licking her dried lips. The silence of her brother scaring her. But he spoke again.

"Is..Billy?" "The father? Yes"

"Now i have another reason to kill him" Frank uttered. "Does me know" frank said. Y/n looked down in shame. "Guessing thats a no"

"You cant tell him. Not where i am, and not..about my pregnancy"

"Y/n...he didn't sleep with her. She took advantage if him at the party, he was gonna go gome to you, but then the stupid bitch drugged him, and convinced him that he slept with her"y/n widened her eyes, her mouth opening.

That dinah bitch was for sure dead now. But she still didn't trust billy.

"Im gonna kill that bitch.....but billy needs to earn my trust..and, i dont think i want to see him first a while, so frankie don't tell him anything. Wait for me to give you the call"

"I will, but doesn't mean im not gonna visit everyday to check on my niece" "you dont know if its a girl yet, frankie"

"Oh i know its a girl" frankie smirked. Y/n shaked her head laughing. Her brother always knew these type of things. But she wanted to make sure for sure before she went crazy baby shopping for her soon to be spoiled baby.

Frankie was getting impatient, as well as karen. Y/n was now 2 months pregnant, her belly wasnt big big, but it showed a little.

Frankie layed his head on her stomach.

"Cant imagine my little sister is pregnant. Feels so weird" frankie muttered. Karen let out a laugh as she knitted a blanket. Y/n laughed making franks head bounce up and down.

"Billy needs to know" frank brought up making y/n frown. She shaked her head. Even though, she knew frankie was right.

"Then so be it" y/n said making eyes go on her. "He's the father of my child. If he wants to be in her or his life, and start a life with me. I would want nothing more. But if not, i want nothing to do with him or new york" frankie and karen shaking their heads nodding with smiles.

'What have i gotten myself into?' Y/n thought to herself.

(I'll be making a part two)

#billy russo #billy russo fluff #billy russo imagine #ben barnes #billy russo x reader #billy russo angst

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snickeringdragon · 3 years

Text

so, reposting this bc i realised reblogs dont seem to appear on searches on tumblr lmfao

lighthearted rant abt why the galarian fossil pokemon shouldnt be alive!!/pos

ill go in dex order, dracozolt-arctozolt-dracovish-arctovish

dracozolt!! the combination of the bird and drake fossils, by far the LEAST fucked up of the galarian fossils, but it still has some clear issues to point out

after analyzing the living halves AND the fossils/descriptions you can pretty easily figure out what all 4 of the halves are roughly based after, the draco half causes some confusion but after the dex states that dracozolt is herbivorous, and the front half zolt clearly being a species of small feathered dromaeosaurid like raptors (possibly something like microraptor or archeaopteryx due to the bird fossils description stating it could fly, which no dromaeosaurs did but some were thought to glide!!) and those basically all being carnivorous, we can figure out draco is the herbivorous half, leading me to believe its some type of stegosaurid now, with a front half thats carnivorous and a back half thats herbivorous thats GOT to cause some issues, not getting proper nutrition, not having proper ways to digest certain things one half needs, etc, if we go with what the dex says (which the dex is CLEARLY not very reliable for these pokemon but lets just use it here) that its herbivorous the zolt half could be receiving malnutrition and having trouble eating the correct food the center of balance!

its probably thrown off by the obvious size difference and the fact that stegosaurids are quadrapeds, while dracozolt is a biped. if it falls over its pretty fucked but thats pretty normal for large theropods tbh

there could be some issues with body temperature, but im not sure, smaller things get colder faster and bigger things get hotter faster

thats all i have to say for dracozolt!!

Arctozolt

arctozolt is the combination of the dino and bird fossils and was my first galar fossil! theyve got some VERY clear issues and a few less clear ones to address, but they are Definitely not enjoying coming back from the dead 💖

first, what IS the arcto half? judging by what we can see i think its most likely to be a type of plesiosaur, it could also be some other aquatic reptiles like ichthyosaurs but i think plesiosaurs are more likely

arctozolt is. cold. duh, the freezing half of an ice type plesiosaur and a small dromeasaur is probably leaving lil zolt pretty chilly and uncomfortable, please give them a scarf

if you take a look back at dracozolt and compare to arctozolt, youll notice the upper torso and most of the arms are inside arctos? blubber? scales? one of those two! not only does this leave the hands nearly useless it also means that if the bones, muscle, flesh, etc, are still present it could definitely cause some health issues, including messing with organs

arctozolt is CLEARLY not supposed to be walking, a terrestrial animal was combined with an aquatic one to result in uh. broken flippers probably, aquatic animals can get VERY heavy and the flippers were clearly never designed to handle that weight, its likely highly uncomfortable to walk on them and probably causes many injuries including broken bones

Dracovish

oh FUCKING boy/lh the combination of the drake and fish fossils dracovish is a NIGHTMARE of a pokemon, a head on a tail, an aquatic creature combined with a terrestrial one, a carnivore combined with an herbivore, this is my least favorite galar fossil

firstly, whats the vish half? this is the only galarian fossil you can get an exact genus for, vish is almost certainly based of dunkleosteus, a prehistoric fish that had one FUCK of a jaw!

now, as stated above the picture dracovish has the same conflicting diet issue dracozolt has, draco being an herbivore and vish most likely being a carnivore like dunkleosteus, i wont go into too much detail because i already did with dracozolt

center of balance comes up once again, i dont think i need to elaborate much but with how it just. Is. theres no way this guy walks very straight, its also fucked if it falls just like dracozolt

dracovishs head is attached to its tail, that parts obvious, but this is CERTAINLY ***HIGHLY*** uncomfortable, stegosaurid tails should NOT be bent like that as well as just the effort it most likely takes to keep it up, also its head is upside down if it actually puts its tail back down, ALSO the spiky plates on dracos tail could very well harm itself if it gets too unlucky so.

dracovish has no throat unless cara liss decided to ACTUALLY put effort into these frankensteins monsters and put a throat in the tail theres no way it can uh. really do anything, eat, breathe air, drink water, yea

speaking of breathing!! does it? have lungs? the front half of draco being cut off could make it so theres no lungs, and vish most likely doesnt even have gills and if it DID have FUNCTIONING gills thatd bring up a whole NEW issue about how this thing CANT swim, no buts it just Cant

SPEAKING of it not having specific organs, does it have a HEART??? does it???? does it???????

theres so much about dracovish i probably forgot something/srs anyways!

Arctovish

arctovish is the combination of the dino and fish fossils, and the last one of the galarian fossils!!!!!

arctovish is probably the normalest LOOKING of the galarian fossils, until you realise its. head is on upside down, the pokedex, although unreliable for these pokemon i have a reason to believe what it says here, states this:

it has "trouble eating its prey" and "breathing difficulties" caused by its flipped head

it could have issues similar to arctozolt because of the freezing ice type arcto, but i feel itd be better than arctozolts issues

so uhhh thats it! thats my whole ass essay on why the galarian fossils are in constant pain/cant Live!

i spent an hour of my life on this, please reblog it/lh

#pokemon #dracozolt #arctozolt #dracovish #arctovish #galar fossils #fossil pokemon #im not putting all the tags i had on the original post here/lh #anyways #have a good day tumblr dot com users!!#edit bc i forgor 💀 the dracovish image BAHAKSHKSH

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hinatas-sunshine · 4 years

Text

“Y/N is Mine!”

Oikawa, Kenma, Bokuto, Kuroo

Request: Can I have a head cannon for when s/o has a best friend who hates Oikawa, Kenma, Bokuto, and Kuroo. (Not sure what the max was sorry!) They always try to get s/o’s attention so they fight a lot. Like when s/o isn’t looking they start glaring at each other, always dragging s/o away to do something together, bully each other passive aggressively when s/o is around, stomp/shove each other, and etc. Btw I really loved the giant toddler club head cannon, probably my favorite head cannon I’ve seen😼💕 - @mini222rika

A/N for Requester: WHY WAS THIS SO FUNNY TO ME and sorry I haven’t really set rules to my requests that’s my fault so don’t worry! And thank you I’m glad you liked the Giant Toddler HC! Ur so sweet much love Bby 💞

A/N: Y/F/N* = Your friends name - sorry this took forever and it’s not that good, I don’t think it’s my favorite piece but I love the concept- I’ll probably re write this in the future! Requests are open! 🥳 kithes ❤️

Oikawa:

• Holy crap HES SO PETTY

• Your friend doesn’t really trust him, she loves you she just doesn’t want you to end up hurt

• Oikawa is your boyfriend, so when you started hanging out with him a lot and dragging your friend to Volleyball games - she wasn’t too happy

• You and your bestie hang out every Wednesday night! So if Oikawa tries to hang out with you, you reject him

Oikawa: You should come to my practice Wednesday

Y/n: But me and y/b/n* always hang out every Wednesday

Oikawa: You can miss one Wednesday

• You wouldn’t do that, especially with it being one day out of every week

• You often went out to lunch with Oikawa, and your friend would end up tagging along

Y/n: I’ll be back! I have to go the bathroom

• Things were... awkward

• Oikawa smirking while your friend glared at him, sending a spit ball his way

• When you came back to an intense glaring battle between the two you smacked them both on the back of their head

• It didn’t mean they stopped, they kicked each other under the table, threw stuff in each other’s drinks, and your best friend almost spit in his food until-

Y/n: OKAY ENOUGH!

• They both looked at you, as you glared at them, making both lower their heads in shame

Y/n: Yes! Be ashamed! I don’t see why you two are so mean to one another!

Y/F/N: Because he’s taking you away from me!

Oikawa: Am not! You’re a Wednesday hog!

• The constant bickering between the two never ended and only continued when you were turned around

• One minute they were with you the next your hear slamming on the lockers seeing your boyfriend yelping in pain and your best friend looking around

“His fangirls do be crazy.”

• You sigh and help him up placing a kiss on his forehead, your best friends jaw dropping and him sticking his tongue out at her

• When you catch one of them in the act they automatically get scolded while the other snickers at them

“Oikawa! Don’t step on her!”

“What-“

“Hehehe”

Kenma:

• He seems like he doesn’t care, but he’s ready to throw hands ✨

• When he sees yours best friend glaring at him, he knows what’s about to happen

• He lays his head on your lap smirking at her while her jaw drops

• You automatically run your fingers through his hair

• They were really discreet about how they fought

• The moment your head turns Kenma hisses gives her a warning glare not to mess with him

• Kenma doesn’t care if y’all are best friends he’s going to call her out anytime

• You guys are getting lunch together?

“Y/f/n why’d you step on me?”

• You’re leading them back to class?

“Why are you glaring at me?”

• Overall you sit your friend down while Kenma smirks at her from across the room

• Dont cross Kenma

• You friend doesn’t necessarily hate him, she just thinks you deserve someone who’ll give you attention

“If you game so much why don’t you marry your game instead of y/n?!”

“That’s not legal and that’s weird, what goes through your brain y/f/n?”

• You sigh and hug Kenma looking at your friend

“I know you’re looking out for me, but Kenma is harmless... see?”

• As you lift his face up, his face squished between your hands as he looked confused

“He looks like a fish”

“You look like kuroo’s nasty foot y/f/n but you don’t see me saying anything.”

• They could never not fight 🙈

• There was something about Kenma that bothered your friend, and she was one to take action, and he was only attacking her because she was attacking him

• Kuroo usually stuck around to be amused at Kenma being so fired up, come on Kenma being fired up? That didn’t mean he was always happy with what happened

Y/f/n: Shut up your roots are showing!

Kenma: and your head is as big as Kuroo’s ego!

Kuroo: why do all his insults include me :(

Y/n: I’m not sure... *pats his back awkwardly*

Bokuto:

• BABY WAS SO SAD

• When your friend would pull you away glaring at him he questioned what he did wrong

• When she would tell him you’re busy hanging out with her he was upset

• And Akaashi didn’t stand for Bokuto being upset so while you and Bokuto would invite them places Akaashi would protect Bokuto and You from seeing her seeth at the owl haired boy

• Akaashi protecc yes yes but he also attacc

• The moment your best friend is about to say you two have plans he pushed her face back

“What the hell Akaashi?!”

“Sorry y/f/n, you had a fly on your face.”

• But when Akaashi wasn’t there-

“Hey! Y/f/n! Y/n! Where did you guys go!?”

• She would drag you far away from him before you could say anything

• This would upset Bokuto, which you would walk over to him and kiss his nose

“Don’t be upset! It was a split second!”

• He would automatically light up with happiness he loved nose kisses stop

• You definitely were as clueless as Bokuto, because it wasn’t until Akaashi brought up your friend throwing things at Bokuto that you noticed

• This upset you, you knew Bokuto wasn’t the type to argue back because he wouldn’t wanna upset you or your homegirls 😎

• As much as you weren’t one to notice things right away, you were definitely one to confront people

“Y/f/n. You need to stop being rude to Bokuto.”

“I’m just worried about you is all!”

• You raised an eyebrow at this sitting with her

“I don’t want you to get hurt like the past few times - I don’t know Bokuto but the more I messed with him, I realized he didn’t even bother to respond because he didn’t want to upset you by getting angry with me...”

• You hold onto her shoulders and smile at her

“I appreciate you looking out for me but Bokuto wouldn’t even hurt a fly.”

• You friend ended up apologizing to him to which Akaashi apologized to her-

“I’m sorry I pushed your face..”

“And?”

“I’m sorry I tripped you so you wouldn’t catch up to y/n and Bokuto.”

“And?”

“AND IM SORRY I THREW MY BOOK AT YOU OKAY?”

“Akaashi you threw a book at her?”

“At the back of her head and it was a paper copy so it wasn’t that bad.”

“....it was a thick book....”

“You’re alive with no bumps I don’t want to hear it.”

Kuroo:

• This asshole cuwnfowkfijw

• Niether of them were slick about it, and they didn’t care

• Oh, you have to go study with Kuroo?

“She’s mine!”

“She’s MY girlfriend!”

• With the amount of times they pull you by your arms and use you as a tug of war rope, you’d think your arms grew longer

Y/f/n: She has to come to my house, we have a test to study for *tugs you towards her*

Kuroo: Well Shes better off coming with me because you have no brain and I’m smarter than you *tugs you towards him*

• This goes on for awhile until Kenma just casually grabs you and walks away with you leaving them to argue and confused about where you went

• Sometimes when you force them to both study with you, you watch your best friend throw Kuroo’s stuff off the table

• Or he brings you a coffee and completely ignores her and let’s her go coffee-less

• They weren’t subtle and you had no clue as to why they were so mean to one another

• They crossed the line a certain day when you went shopping with Kenma, Kuroo and your best friend

Y/f/n: Shut it rooster head I’ll sell you so they can chop you up and have you for dinner!

Kuroo: You’re just mad you cant be naturally pretty like me!

• When she smacked Kuroo in the back of the head making him drop the coffee he was drinking and she claimed there was a “bug on his head” Kenma was already 10 feet away from y’all claiming he doesn’t know you guys

• Especially because he saw your fuming face he wanted no part in that

• As the two were bickering you stood over them, angrily with your fists to your sides both of the automatically getting quiet

“One more argument out of either of you and I’ll leave both of you here and take Kenma with me.”

• They both remained quiet and the rest of the trip was peaceful ✨

• Until you got home-

“She was MY best friend first.”

“She was not! Plus she’s my girlfriend that over rules best friend.”

Tags:

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colossal-fallout · 3 years

Text

First kiss 💋

With Reiner Braun

Notes: SFW. Smut of the smuttiest. More fluff than a prancing kitten. It switches between she/you/yn a lot I just edited it from a previous piece I'd made a little while ago and mobile Tumblr isn't the best for my fat thumbs.

As soon as my computer is fixed I'll tidy it up ✌️

It's year three of the cadets. Reiner finally has you all to himself as you browse the market stalls in the quaint town of the Trost District.

But a summer shower quickly dampens his already low spirits, knowing these feelings for you are strictly forbidden...

As the sky began to darken over Trost, Reiner glanced up at the gathering clouds and wondered if he should call it a day. He was reluctant to; it wasn’t very often he got to have you all to himself.

His golden eyes glanced at y/n as she pondered over the stall she was standing at – the vendor excited to show the wares. His eyes then fell to the pavement under his feet. She looked gorgeous as usual. Her white dress hugged her curves and it flowed right down to just above her ankles. He’d noticed the glances she gotten from men, of course he did. He also noticed the second looks he had gotten.

Eyes filled with envy.

Those men thought you were a couple and Reiner secretly loved it. What he wouldn’t give for that to be true.

“Reiner?” Your soft voice called out, snapping his attention.

“What do you think of these gloves for Mikasa? They’d definitely help with her training.”

Sweet y/n.

Whenever she had spare money, she would spend it on her friends. Mikasa had been getting blisters from her pairing blade hilts. They’d joked she takes out her frustration towards Eren’s behaviour out on her grip; pretending they were his neck.

“Uh, yeah. I think they’ll come in handy, sure.” He replied half dazed.

“Everything okay?” she asked as she handed the salesperson the cash. “You seem a bit out of it.”

He instantly pulled up his usual facade. “Me? I’m fine. Looks like it’s going to rain though. We should head back.”

“Okay.” She smiled slightly, taking the paper bag with the leather gloves inside. They began to walk down the street back towards the barracks.

He silently kicked himself.

He wanted to take each step as slowly as possible, trying to wring out as much alone time as he could.

When did it get so bad?

If she didn’t have her swarm of friends around her constantly, and Bertolt didn’t act as his shadow maybe he wouldn’t be so desperate to be alone with her in the first place.

Why did he even want that though?

He wasn’t dense. He knew he had a soft spot for her and despite his best friend’s warnings, he ignored his advice to stay away. It got worse and worse like an neglected cavity in a tooth. The longer he left it, the deeper she bore into him. He wondered if the pain of a toothache would be better than this constant yearning to be near her.

When did he become so pathetic? When did he become so... weak?

Reiner Braun was the strongest male in the 104th with the highest grades. Dedicated. Focused. Yet this H/C'd girl walking beside him with her sparkling e/c eyes could easily bring him to his knees.

He’d gone through the implications in his head over and over. His friends from back home wouldn’t approve. It’s not like they didn’t like y/n... In fact he was surprised how well she got along with them.

It was because they didn’t join cadets to fool around with beautiful women.

They were there to return home. Home... He wondered what his family would think of her. That was when he shook his head.

No.

There wasn’t any use in going down that trail.

“Oh no...” y/n winced as fat rain drops began to fall from the swollen clouds.

It was a summer day so they didn’t think to bring a jacket. In fact, none of their friends earlier had been wearing one.

Within seconds the heavy drops were crashing down all around them, people ran for cover and merchants began to hurriedly set up a canopy over their goods.

Reiner grabbed her wrist and began to run.

“Summer shower.” He explained. “It won’t last long, but it’ll be a soaker.” . Women around them let out a squeal as a loud rumble of thunder echoed out over the town. Puddles were already forming as Reiner hurriedly led her down the clearing street. As they ran, water splashed around their ankles from collecting on the road.

With his free hand, he began undoing the buttons on his shirt.

“What are you doing?!” you called out over the loud crashing of water. “You’ll catch your death!” By the time she uttered the last word of her sentence he whipped around and lay his large shirt over her head before returning to pull her along.

“Dont want that pretty dress to be ruined, do we?” he joked, yet his face stayed serious. “Reiner...” you whispered in awe, inaudible due to the rain.

Not long after, you'd reached the stables where the transport horses were kept. It was deserted, being the cadets weekend off and were carting the soldiers to their home towns for the next couple of days.

Reiner pushed open the large wooden door of the hay storage barn, before ushering you inside.

“Are you crazy?” you laughed once they were tucked in away from the downpour.

Beads of rain rolled down his bare flesh, trailing down his pronounced pectorals and solid abs.

Reiner shrugged. “Didn’t want you getting cold and wet.”

Your eyes softened gorgeously as he turned to rub his hand over his hair, getting excess droplets off him.

His back muscles flexed with every small movement before he turned back around, Goosebumps raising on his skin and his nipples hardening from the chill.

The barn was filled with the relaxing sounds of the heavy pattering of rain on the wooden roof above their heads. This was the side of Reiner you'd been waiting to see.

You knew he had it in him, underneath the crude jokes and the flirting attempts. He was a gentleman through and through. He just liked to hide it for whatever reasons she didn’t know.

His shirt was warm and his scent rolled off it into her nose.

You hadn’t realised how much you actually enjoyed his smell until now. It sent waves of comfort over you, like the smell alone was his big strong arms wrapping around your body, ensuring your safety and comfort.

Yes.

You'd decided.

You had been pondering on your feelings towards your classmate for a little while now and wanted to be sure. The torment of professionalism as well as distractions from training had been hanging over your head.

But there was just something about him that you was pulled to.

He jumped a little when you placed your soft hand gently on his forearm. The skin across the bridge of his nose and under his eyes instantly heated up, turning a hue of pink.

You were so close to him and he got what he always yearns for – for your skin to be touching his.

The next thing he knew you were reaching up and planting a tender kiss on his cheek.

The breath caught in his throat and that pinkness burned more brightly. Every muscle in his body tensed and his eyes enlarged slightly. But what really sent his chest thudding was when you pulled the kiss away.

You kept your face close to his, now bearing the same pink hue. Your gorgeous eyes glistened, long lashes framing them beautifully. You smiled adorably, pulling at his shirt that was now draped across your shoulders.

“Thank you...”

Y/N spoke softly, her hair a little messed up from the shirt but it just made her look even more beautiful.

“For what...?” he replied in a haze.

“Being you...”

Those last words penetrated straight through his macho exterior and felt like they pierced into his heart, injecting some sort of warm fluid that quickly spread across his entire chest.

He didn’t even think.

It was like he went on auto pilot and his instincts just took over.

Placing the side of his index finger under her chin, he tilted her head up slightly and closed the gap between them, gently pressing his lips against hers.

His heart smashed against his solid barrel chest as she kissed him back, her lips softer than he had ever imagined them to be.

She ran her hands up his shoulders and hung them, opening her mouth a little wider as they kissed, giving him full permission to explore her mouth.

He did so without hesitation.

Sliding his tongue passed her sweet lips, he entwined it with hers.

It felt like fireworks and explosion were going off around him and he thought he could see stars behind his closed eyelids.

Having her kissing him and getting to be this close and intimate with her was the best feeling he’d ever had.

The adrenaline was richer and sweeter than any fight he’d been in or any training exercise.

It just felt perfect.

It began to get heated pretty quickly as their pace quickened slightly, deep exhales leaving his nose and his brow became furrowed and desperate.

She truly did make him feel weak.

He handled her gently. Although he knew she was strong, it she also felt delicate, like his big lumbering body could break her at any moment.

Her fingers ran through his hair and she pressed up against him, his arms wrapping around her in a sweet embrace.

Although he thought he was the luckiest man alive to be able to kiss her, his body quickly began needing more of her.

He battled with it, keeping it under control and letting her now take the lead of the kiss.

She gently pulled his pouty bottom lip with her teeth, making it that much harder for him to not throw her down and lift up her dress.

Instead, he settled for a please grunt, his brows creasing deeper as he became hungrier.

She slowly pulled away.

He pressed his forehead against hers, unable to hide the dumb grin that spread across his face as he caressed her hair with his right hand.

“What’s with that goofy grin?” she joked quietly; her sweet breath warm on his face.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” He replied, his grin stretching further.

Smiling, she lowered her head almost shyly at that titbit of information.

She then fixed her eyes on his. “Really?”

“Of course...” he looked genuinely surprised. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

“Oh stop.” She laughed.

He took her hand and placed it on his bare chest over his rapid heartbeat. His honey eyes not removing their gaze from hers. “I swear.”

She didn’t know what to say.

“Well, you have awful taste.” Was what she settled for.

But having Reiner Braun, of whom didn’t really catch her eye at first, now she’d gotten to know him was extremely attractive; his chest bare and holding her close like this set a burning desire deep within her.

One that she would have to keep under control.

...For now.

She gently placed her hand on his jawline before replacing her mouth onto his.

He let out a small unintentional exhale from his nose, more than happy to slide his warm tongue back inside of her.

Her hands gently caressed his broad shoulders, her pace quickening and her teeth grazing his lip.

She didn’t want to let things get too heated too quickly, but battling her urges seemed like an uphill battle. He’d grown on her a hell of a lot over the last three years and having him hold her like this felt amazing.

As Reiner kissed her, he pushed away the little voice inside of his head that was telling him this was all a big mistake and he had just complicated things massively.

He didn’t care.

His feelings for her had always surpassed the doubts that swirled around in his mind. And now, knowing she had some reciprocating feelings it was incomprehensible that he would now turn his back on her.

He grazed his hand lightly up her arm as he slowly and almost gracefully devoured the inside of her mouth. Her skin was the softest thing he’d ever touched like some fine silk from a faraway land. He almost felt like he was ruining her just by having his unworthy hands upon her flesh.

She pulled away once again and he sealed their kiss with another gently peck.

“This is crazy...” she sighed taking a step back. “We’re training to be soldiers.”

“I know how you feel, believe me.” He muttered, a frown tugging at his mouth. “But I think life’s a little too short to be putting good things on the back burner.”

She pondered on that for a moment.

He began to feel desperate. Now that he had her affections within his grasp, he wasn’t about to let them slip through his fingers.

“I mean...” he took a step forward and held her hand into his large pair. “I know I joke around a lot but you...”

He paused for a moment, choosing his words.

“I didn’t kiss you with the intention of just having you then leaving. ...I want us to be together. Properly. Hell, if we weren’t in Cadets, I would be asking you to marry me right now.”

That blushing hue returned to his face as he shyly looked away, not used to spilling out his feelings like this.

But the humiliation and discomfort would be worth it if he managed to gain her as his own.

Again... When did I get so weak?

She did a better job than he at hiding the grin that was threatening to spread across her face.

Instead, her face matched his reddening tone.

“Are you saying... You love me, Reiner Braun?” she spoke softly.

He pushed away every instinct that told him to run and hide.

“Yeah. As a matter of fact, I am.” He replied steadily.

Now it was her turn to ignore her instincts to run.

“R-Reiner. It’s not that I don’t care for you too, I do. But... Ah, it’s complicated.” She grimaced. “I don’t know when.. uh... I’ll be ready to...” her face was almost glowing at this point.

“Hey hey...” he soothed. “Its okay. I love you. I don’t care about waiting.” His face returned to the familiar serious soldier expression she was so used to seeing during training. “Even if you’d wanna wait until after marriage. I don’t mind.”

She squirmed uncomfortably. “Its not that. Maybe we can talk about it... Another time?”

It perplexed him but he didn’t mind. “Of course.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

“So...?” He melted back into that cheeky smirk.

The classic Reiner grin. Mischievous and cunning.

“You wanna give this a shot?”

Y/N noticed the rain had slowed to a stop, the clouds had moved on and the sun was shining once again.

She’d known Reiner now for almost two years. Spent every single day pretty much in his presence. They’d worked together, laughed together and well... Now this.

She reminded herself how strong that urge was to kiss him only minutes ago. Why she initiated closeness in the first place. Her mind fluttered through the pages of her recent memories and how he had been making her feel these days and how her eyes have been lingering upon him a little longer than she’d like.

She let out a sigh before smirking back at him. “Sure. But don’t get comfortable now. Just because you have me doesn’t mean you can start slacking your charm.”

She playfully pushed his cheeks together with her index and thumb, resulting in a chuckle rumble from his broad chest.

“I swear it.” He grinned, kissing her.

“Come on. We’d better head back.” She smiled, handing him back his shirt.

#snk imagines #attack on titan #reiner braun #snk #snk headcanons #attack on titan reiner #attack on titan x you #reinerxreader #snk fandom #shingeki no kyojin reiner #snk season 4 #snk reiner #attack on titan x reader #reiner fluff #reiner smut #aot season 4 #aot reiner #aot reiner braun

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sunlightxing · 3 years

Text

Show Me Some Respect

After working for years as a secretary to General Hux aboard the ship, the Finalizer, life could not have been better for you.

That was until Hux informed you that Commander Kylo Ren would be joining you on that ship. Almost immediately, you both resent each other, but after being forced to spend more alone time with him, you begin to wonder, what's so bad about him after all?

Tags on A03 Include:

-Force Choking (Star Wars)

-Fluff and Smut

-Face-Fucking

-Not How the Force is Used

-Armitage Hux Needs a Hug

-Kylo Ren is an asshole

-Y/N Makes Poor Choices

-Praise Kink

-Choking

-Cum-Eating

-Orgasm Delay/Denial

-Sexual Tension

-Sexual Abuse

-Y/N Goes Through A Lot

-Murder

-Possessive Kylo Ren

-Protective Armitage Hux

-Kylo and Hux Get Along Maybe Twice

Chapter 1: Do As He Says

A dread filled morning takes you by suspense when your boss, General Hux, riddles you with nothing but fear for your first encounter with the menacing, Commander Kylo Ren.

A/N: Hello to readers here on tumblr. I’m a little new to posting original work (especially writing) on here so bear with me as I figure it all out! I hope you enjoy my first ever Kylo Ren X Reader story (I dont use y/n cause I don’t like it, my deepest apologies)

Why’d you leave us?

A faint voice called out to you in the distance, so soft and silky, daintily whispering to you. Despite the initial faintness, it slowly began to get closer and closer, its volume ever increasing.

Your eyes fluttered open, but the bright sun blinded them, causing you to seal them shut once more. Eventually, they adjusted to the light, and you opened them to see so many large, and bare trees stretching towards the sky above you. White speckles, snow, were falling all around you, some flakes even landing on your nose.

It felt oddly peaceful, the soft moss around you feeling more comfortable than your own bed. It encased around you, smothering you with warmth and comfort. You kept your eyes shut, and felt yourself seconds from falling asleep on the slightly snow-covered ground. For just a moment, your reopened your eyes, getting one more view of your surrounding before drifting off. But then, to your horror, you saw that the ground next to you was completely covered in blood.

Your eyes widened in fear as you jolted away from your spot on the ground, and pushed yourself up against a nearby tree. The voice in the distance was coming closer towards you, and kept roaring louder and louder. The blood on the ground began to expand, seeping through the moss at an alarming rate. It surrounded the entire area around you, except directly where you were sitting.

As you glanced back up at the sky, the snow, which had now transformed into an icy hail, had begun to take on an even stranger form. In its image, flashes of their faces blew past you, and with it, followed the sound of their screams and cries. Pleading for help, for you to save them. The smell of burning wood wafted into your nostrils, and that voice in the distance was still growing louder. You knew that soon, it would be upon you.

"Wake up, wake up. Please fucking wake up!"

In a jolt of cold sweats, you gasped back to reality, frantically scanning the area around you to make sure it was safe.

"Just a dream, it was just a dream."

Your breath was sporadic, leaving you a panting and anxious mess as you pulled yourself out of bed. Even the smallest movement caused a massive amount of pain surge to through your head.

"I can't take another one of those nightmares." You thought, grabbing the glass of water from your nightstand. You looked over at your clock groggily, and your heart sank upon seeing that you had overslept, giving you little to no time to prepare for the day.

The shower water was freezing when you initially turned it on, per usual. It always felt embarrassing to have to stand outside the door, completely nude, occasionally dangling your finger under the water to see if it had heated up yet.

Over 3 years ago you began working as a secretary to General Hux, and though there was a monstrous amount of glitz and glam thought to come with such a job, it couldn't have been more painfully annoying.

Sure, Hux was somewhat kind and caring towards you, but every other person you pitifully encountered treated you like shit. They'd throw their fits when you wouldn't deliver their papers, shine their boots, tasks they very easily could've done themselves, but simply refused. It wasn't the most difficult job in the world, despite the constant hazing. However, their was a shocking increase in secretaries amongst the First Order. It was most definitely due to the jobs incredible bore-ability, and the fact whoever was placed in such a position would be treated like garbage by everyone they encountered.

You rushed through your shower, only using the time to wash your hair and then yourself. The steam from the hot water had fogged your mirror, which made it hard for you to see your hair when putting it up into two long french braids. You pulled a few strands out in the front, trying to look somewhat nice since your uniform sure didn't help. It was a shapeless, olive green suit, with baggy pants, and thick, heavy boots. The hat that came along with it also wasn't very flattering, but it wasn't like anyone saw you other than your crewmates, and General Hux.

You took another swig from your cup of water as you stared out your glass window and into the infinite galaxy. Your brain decided to alert you of how Hux would be ridiculously pissed off if you were late, as today was one of the days you dreaded most of all since you began working on the Finalizer. The ship would be making its way back to Starkiller base, and you were anything but excited for that.

Several technicians raced by you, heading off to fix some malfunction in the interior of the ship. You always looked at them and wondered if they enjoyed their jobs here, or if, just like you, it was a love-hate relationship.

You entered the control room, staring the other programmers and pilots plugging away at their stations. Though they didn't technically fly the Finalizer, their work was incredibly important. You liked to think yours was important as well, but in reality, it was pointless. Technically, you were Huxs' right hand. As a result, he told you practically anything and everything. So it was more like you were a glorified therapist that followed him around like a lost pet.

"Cadet," a voice said behind you. General Hux was standing at the entrance to the control room, looking a lot more frazzled than usual. "Will you walk with me for a moment?"

You nodded, following closely behind him. Unlike usual, you decided to keep your mouth shut, hoping he would start to explain why he looked so disheveled and unnerved, but he didn't say a word. It was becoming harder to not acknowledge how his body trembled intensely with ever step he took.

"General, if I may ask, is everything alright?" You questioned sweetly, trying not to sound disrespectfully intrusive.

Hux let out a heavy sigh, stopping for a moment to rest against a nearby wall. "I am, not alright," he panted, his voice shaking more than his body was. "When we arrive at Starkiller base, you're going to have to meet The Commander, and I already know you two will not get along."

Your face recoiled as you began to dig into the back of your mind. "Did he mean Commander Ren? That stubborn brute?" You laughed to yourself, while Hux was seconds from engaging in a panic attack.

"This is no laughing matter cadet!" He hollered, his voice nearly cracking at every syllable.

You let out a long sigh. "Hux, I can deal with Kylo Ren. He doesn't scare me at all."

"He should scare you," Hux stated plainly. "My last secretary, before you. He made one simple mistake, and Ren saw to it that the poor boy was eradicated."

Your eyes grew wide with fear, darting away from his gaze so he couldn't see the horror on your face. Hux said it plain as day, if you made so much as one, small mistake, Commander Ren would personally see to it that you were eradicated as well.

Hux groaned. "We both work for the same Supreme Leader, which means I have to work with him." His breathing patterns began to grow more heavy and frantic, and his face flushed with a vibrant red.

You tried to calm him down, as you knew the ship couldn't make the entire flight back without his orders. The two of you had gotten rather close, and you had a lot of respect for him. He'd come in some days looking like he'd seen a ghost, and you wouldn't have been shocked if he had. If the Commander managed to make Hux, your boss, that anxious, you knew this couldn't be good.

After what seemed like seconds, you had arrived at your destination. Just the sight of Starkiller base sent shivers down your spine.

Sure, you'd been their plenty of times, but you never had to willingly interact with the Commander before. In fact, you'd never so much as seen the smallest fragment of his figure. Which would make his reveal all the more terrifying.

As you approached the landing bay, the large metal doors began to open to allow your entrance in. Hux came up behind you, his posture had been perfected, and all expression on his face had been wiped. He looked like a whole new man, and you weren't sure that if you wanted to get on the Commander's good side, you'd have to become a whole new woman.

"The Commander would like us both to meet with him in his quarters before he joins us onboard." Hux said, his voice shaking. You nodded as you took one more look at the hull of the control room, not sure if it was your last.

The pair of you made your way from the control room, to the landing bay. A small craft would take you from the Finalizer to the bay on Starkiller, but you wanted nothing more than just to stay put. There were ways where you could completely avoid the Commander for the entire duration he was here, you hoped. You would just have to hide in a waste bucket every time he came near Hux, and that didn't seem so bad. You groaned, glancing over at Hux as the cruiser landed rather dramatically at the center of the bay.

“Hux, he’s going to hate me, isn’t he?”

He sighed, placing an awkward arm on your shoulder, his attempt at comfort. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that."

As the pair of you walked down the long hallways of the Starkiller base, it felt as if you were walking to your doom. Which, in reality you probably were. Two stormtroopers had been sent to escort you from the ship to Commander Rens' quarters. They didn't say a word the entire trip to said quarters, despite Hux's several attempts.

Eventually, the four of you arrived at what you presumed to be the Commander's meeting room. The two troopers walked up to the door, placing a loud knock on it to signal their arrival, and then stationed themselves on either side of it. Hux took in a deep breath as he began typing into a small keypad attached to the entrance, and then, the door was open.

"Commander, my apologies on us being later than normal." Hux said, walking through the doorway to the meeting room.

"Oh Gods."

Commander Ren looked like nothing you had expected, though you couldn't really see all of him. He was tall, absolutely massive, his muscles practicality protruding from his sleeves. But his face, you couldn't see so much as an outline of that. Covering it was a thick, solid metal mask, breathing canal and all. He was a true Vader knock off.

He slowly turned around, a feeling of pure rage wafting off of him. For a brief moment, you were certain he was seconds from smashing Huxs' head in, but then he stopped dead in his tracks. His head titled from Huxs' body to your own. Though you couldn't see his facial expression underneath that mask, you new it was one of disgust.

"Who are you?" He asked, gesturing in your direction. You arched your eyebrows in confusion, could he not tell just by simply looking at your uniform?

"No answer?" Commander Ren scoffed.

"I'm his secretary, Commander," you stated, gesturing in Huxs' direction, "didn't you request my presence here? "

He shook his head, placing a hand on the front of that intimidating facial shield. The movement made it look as if he was gaining a headache from your small amount of talking. "This is who you had replace the old one?" Commander Ren hissed, "have you no shame, Hux?"

"Ren, she is very talented in her work and a fantastic secretary," Hux responded, glancing over in your direction. "She has made a fantastic replacement." You smiled, happy to know Hux would still show you some form of kindness around the Commander.

"Hux," Commander Ren stated, "I'll trust your judgment here." He approached Hux slowly, giving him ample time to make your poor General tremble in fear. The Commander stopped inches from his face, his mask nearly touching the tip of Huxs' nose.

"If she makes so much as one mistake, she's gone."

Your face recoiled in disgust. "Well, what the fuck?" You thought to yourself. Did he actually doubt your abilities that much? Or was this all some sort of twisted test of your competence?

The Commander darted his head around, glaring at you in rage. Your body went completely stiff as his masked gaze penetrated your mind. A trill of pain surged through your temples, like something was digging around in your brain for any scrap of information. "That language of hers will not be tolerated either." He spat, looking back at Hux.

"My what? The hell is he talking about? I have yet to swear!" Your brain was spiraling out of control, and that trill of energy still surged throughout your brain.

His ego was disgustingly immense, not to mention he was a delusional idiot. The fool was making up down right lies about you, and to wait gain? He was already addressing Hux in such a disrespectful manner, he didn't need to take it out on you as well. But what even gave him the right to talk down to Hux in such a manner? He wasn't in any better of a position to lead than the General was, not to mention the fact that Hux was a lot easier to deal with, and a lot less moronic.

Commander Ren stood in place, his body shaking violently with rage. Huxs' body was also shaking, but his was out of fear. This was the first time you'd ever seen Hux so threatened by anyone. Usually, he presented such a mass amount of authority and dictation. But here, he was nothing more than a coward.

The Commander gave you an over-the-shoulder glance, and in that moment, you felt time stop. The world around you faded into black. Now, only you and him were in that room, and fear and panic began to rapidly set in. Your body had turned chillingly cold, and air escaped you.

A flash of light hit your eyes, his leather glove reflecting off the overhead chandelier. Before you could get a warning out, he slammed his fist into the wall next to Huxs' head. His curled hand punctured the metal frame, sending hundreds of small electrical sparks flying, leaving bare and broken wires in its wake.

"You teach her to show me some respect, or I will" Commander Ren hissed, his clenched fist now inches from Huxs' face.

Hux folded onto the metal floor, panting uncontrollably as the Commander hovered menacingly above him. You stood gazing at the pair of them, completely motionless, gulping down the fear that was now lodged in your throat. Your pupils shook in horror at what you had just seen, how absolutely horrid your new ship companion was.

Commander Ren glared at you, watching as every inch of your body trembled at his presence. He scoffed, storming out of the room with a prompt slam of the door, the sheer force alone causing you to jump. You looked back at Hux, whose forehead was drenched in sweat, and a slight tremor was visible on his hands. Carefully, as not to frighten him more, you reached down for his hand, an effort to help guide him up off of the floor.

"General..." You pleaded, wrapping your hand around his own as you began to lift. Hux shook you away, pulling himself off of the ground, trying not to show weakness. It was obvious that he was embarrassed of your viewing of his encounter with Commander Ren, but he shouldn't have been. All that quarrel showed was the fact Commander Ren was a prissy little bitch, and tyrant.

Hux dusted off his long coat, and smoothed back his red hair to its original, kept manner. He bit his lip, holding himself back from lashing out against anything the Commander had just done. You hoped he would do it anyway, give you some sort of hint that he too hated Commander Rens guts. But instead, he stared intensely at the door, his eyes becoming bloodshot with rage.

"If you want to make it out of here alive," Hux gulped, "you must to do as he says."

You scoffed in disbelief. "Hux you cannot possibly believe that," you cried. "He isn't as high and mighty as he claims to b-"

Hux slammed his hand over your mouth, his bare fingers tracing over the lining of your lips. His eyes stared painfully into your own, showing so much fear and uncertainty. "I told you to do as he says!" He hollered, the veins in his neck protruding from his already rose colored flesh. Hux removed his hand from over your mouth, and with another brush of his cape, he was gone out the doorway too, much less dramatically than the Commander.

You turned around, looking at the meeting room remorsefully. Your life had just flipped completely upside down, and you know now that you had no say in anything that would happen to it. Hux obviously wasn't going to be any help in standing up against Commander Rens' tyranny, so it looked like you were on your own.

And you hated being on your own.

You walked back to the ship with shane covering your entire body. Every person who passed by you, whether it was a technician or a stormtrooper, seemed to be mocking you. While that wasn't at all the case, Commander Rens' doubt of your capabilities made it seem like everyone else doubted them as well.

As you turned a corner, so flustered and furious you didn't even know what planet you were on, another secretary slammed into you, spilling an incredibly hot and sticky liquid all over your uniform. "Oh my Gods, I am so sorry!" The girl whimpered, reaching for a cloth towel at her side to try and help dry you off.

You clenched your jaw tightly, worried all your rage might come flying out at her. She looked to be so incredibly overworked and stressed, just like you were about to be. You wondered if she had ever dealt with Commander Ren, or maybe her own General was just as terrible as he was, though you doubted that was humanly possible. You hated to admit it as much as the next person, but the treatment of secretaries, especially those that were female, could not have been more horrendous. Every one you had encountered had a horror story, or was currently living through one. Thankfully, your first job was with someone like Hux, a lot more patient and caring than any other. Thoughts crossed your mind of how awful your life would've been if your first job was to Commander Ren. Just the idea alone sent shivers down your spine.

The girl finally finished drying off the excess with a little help from you, but your clothes were soaked with whatever fluid she dumped onto you. Her eyes slowly began to swell up with tears as she stared at your ruined uniform.

"Hey," you said, taking her hand in your own. “There’s no need to cry. I'll go clean it myself, and it'll be good as new, don't worry."

She sniffled, reaching her other hand up to wipe the tears off of her face. Never could you have managed to snap at that girl, because you knew exactly what kind of suffering she was going through, as you had just dealt with the worst of it all. The girl hugged you in gratitude before scurrying back to wherever she came from, getting a replacement for the drink she had dropped. You took in a deep breath as you dreadfully looked down at your tarnished gown. Starkiller base was not somewhere you were familiar with, so finding a washroom was going to be far greater task than it should have been.

For what seemed like hours, you scanned each and every room across the vastness of the ship, hoping to finally find an area for you to clean off your soiled uniform. Out of the corner of your eye, you watched a stormtrooper exit a room with a fully washed, black undergarment, and you knew you had finally found your sought for destination. Rushing into the room, you hoped no one else would be inside, so you could quickly rip off your uniform and wash it without anyone seeing you in nothing but a bra and underwear.

Thankfully, no one was inside the washroom, giving you ample time to strip practically nude, and lock the door behind you as to not allow anyone to barge in.

Staring blankly at the machine that scrubbed and cleansed your attire, the chill of the empty room you sat in was beginning to sting your bare skin, your hair sticking up and goosebumps forming across every inch of it.

The process could not have taken any longer, but finally, it was washed, and ready to be moved to the next machine for drying. Minutes passed by as you sat in the cold and ever darkening room, rubbing up against the warm drying machine periodically as to not die of hypothermia.

"For God's sake, can you just hurry up!" You cried, slamming your foot against the machine, hoping that would throw it into a faster gear.

It did no good, the machine kept carrying on at its slow pace, causing nothing but agony and frustration on your part. You groaned, flopping back into the chair you had been sitting in, only for it to crumble into a hundred tiny pieces as you flopped yourself onto it.

"Mother fucker!" You groaned, lifting yourself off of the cold, metal floor. A bruise was clearly about to form upon your ass after that downfall.

"Language, cadet. That mouth will get you nowhere."

You spun around quickly, leaving your bra-covered breasts completely exposed to the eyes of Commander Ren, who now stood perfectly centered at the entrance of the washroom, the door closed behind him. Your eyes jolted to the lock that was now unfastened on the doorway, yet upon making eye contact, it clicked back into a locked position. Looking down, you noticed Commander Rens' finger was out of place from the rest of his clenched fist, and though at first you had no idea how he managed to weasel his way in here, now you did.

"The force?" You questioned in the back of your mind, watching the pointer finger retreat back to its clenched position.

His head tilted down, obviously showing his gaze had shifted from your eyes, to your almost fully naked body. You covered as much of yourself as you could, feeling completely flustered that so much of you was exposed to his eyes.

"What?" You asked. "Planning on insulting me again? Just get out."

"You're hung up on that?" He questioned, letting a small chuckle escape his throat. "I could have said so much worse."

You rolled your eyes at him, now hoping to make him so angry he would storm out like he did before. "Good for you, Commander. I'm sure you could've."

Silence reigned in the room longer than you would've preferred it to. You had hoped he would make some ridiculous, insulting statement so you could fire back at it, but he was silent.

"Do you mind?" You questioned, tilting your head towards the doorway so he could take the hint to leave.

"The ship was supposed to depart exactly 17 seconds ago," he remarked, keeping his gaze on your chest area, "Hux was going to be sent after you, if I didn't choose to."

You curled your lip sarcastically, letting out a small laugh along with it. "Well thank you so much for that, sir," you said sarcastically, again, gesturing towards the door in hopes that he would leave.

There was a long pause, giving you time to reflect on what he had just said. He would've had no knowledge your uniform had been soiled, tarnished by that poor girls dropped beverage.

So how the fuck did he know you were here?

He stood motionless. The only noise he exuded was the almost asthmatic breathing sounds from his mask. "Finish whatever task this is." Commander Ren instructed, finally moving his gaze away from your body.

He turned to the doorway, giving you a final glance before opening the door, and exiting the room. You stared at the metal frame in disbelief, the fact the Commander had just seen you in arguably your most venerable state was horrifying and embarrassing.

A slight movement on the door caught your attention, as the knob shifted back to its locked position. "Jeez, how kind of him," you scolded, turning back to the dryer that had finally finished its job, of course, right after the Commander had left.

After unlocking the door to the washroom, adorning your freshly cleaned uniform, you sprinted down the halls towards the bay. Thankfully, there wasn't a line of people standing outside the washroom waiting to use it themselves. For if they had seen the Commander in there with you, things would have just gotten so much more complicated.

You marched down the halls, now thinking about how ridiculously awkward your next several months of encounters with the Commander would be, now that your second meeting with him was when you were practically naked.

“Gods. This day cannot get any worse."

#star wars #kylo ren #ben solo #adam driver #kylo x you #kylo x reader #general hux #love triangle #smut #star wars fluff #sequels #stormtrooper #x reader

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gogiberries · 3 years

Text

Hi so I’ve had this in my head for a few days now

It’s basically how i see the Nanami x Gojo relationship (but it’s more sad than anything else tbh)

⚠️ spoilers ahead for those who haven’t read the manga!

Please enjoy this disgustingly long thread <3

- okay so the way they started was out of convenience/ desperation

- Geto left the school and abandoned Gojo

- Nanami lost Haibara

- So the two ended up just trying to find some sense of comfort and understanding in each other

- Gojo was the one to start it though

- I see Nanami as the type to just suffer silently with his pain and loss, so Gojo had to have made the first move

- They were still students and now they had to pair up for training more often

- Gojo did consider Shoko before Nanami, but he knew that she wouldn’t give him any chance because she saw the start and finish of him and Geto

- Gojo also didn’t want to go to some stranger because he couldn’t lay it all out to someone who didn’t understand sorcery and explain the heavy chip Geto left on his shoulder

- So Nanami, the guy who also just lost someone & who is up to date with the Geto stuff is a perfect candidate for Gojo

- Gojo starts teasu Nanami about how he needs to get stronger during sparring

(this just pushes the “have get stronger for Haibara/ not end up like him” notion in Nanami’s head)

- And one day Gojo just switches to heavy flirting

- Nanami is like ‘???’ but he chalks it up to Gojo just being his weird self

- But the flirting continues

- And Gojo being Gojo, he just keeps getting more direct until one day he just flat out asks if Kento has thought about fucking him

- Despite the constant flirting and suggestive stuff Gojo has been doing, Nanami is completely thrown off

- “What the fuck are you saying” is probably what he’d say, a slight blush forming on his face

- “Cmon dont lie, you’re saying it hasn’t crossed your mind once or twice when we spar?” Gojo would tease

- And Nanami would immediately deny it

- And Gojo would push it even further and say

“oh? That’s too bad, cause I sure have thought about fucking you“

- Now Nanami is blushing hard, face feeling too hot

- “Quit saying nonsense and stop lying” Nanami is too strong willed to give into/ believe in Gojo’s offer

- “I’m not~ do you want me to prove I’m not?” Gojo is also too strong headed and now refuses to back down from this thing he started

- Nanami says no, but they can both hear the hesitation in his voice

- Gojo takes this sliver of a chance to kiss the blonde

- Nanami goes to pull him off, but he doesn’t.

- Why? He’s not sure either, maybe it’s because he’s still a bit inexperienced with all of this, or maybe because he’s willing to accept this- whatever this is that Gojo is offering to help distract him from the pain he’s still trying to cope with from losing Haibara

- So he only backs up slightly to tell Gojo they should go somewhere more private

After that, their relationship, if you want to call it that for lack of a better term, begins

- Gojo definitely is the one who takes the most in this relationship

- At first, when he was trying to keep Nanami from regretting his actions and running away, Gojo was gentle and kind. Making sure Nanami felt understood and comfortable with their actions

- But once Gojo saw Nanami was staying, his caring attitude slowly faded

- He would stay to cuddle afterwards, but only until Nanami was asleep, leaving him to wake up by himself in the morning

[ maybe once in a while Gojo would leave a “Sorry I got called in for some mission” half assed excuse ]

- Not by force, but Gojo would make sure he’d get his needs met before Nanami did (definitely half assed in trying to meet Kento’s needs)

- Nanami isn’t stupid, he noticed the change in Gojo’s behavior early on, but being the masochist that he is, he put up with it because it still felt better than remembering Haibara and dealing with that

- Kento definitely noticed when Gojo was at his worst though. When Gojo was okay, he’d put up his usual goofy & cool dude front, and be selfish in bed, leaving the second they were done as if he was too “cool” and “strong” to show sad emotions.

- But when Gojo was really down and haunted with memories of Geto, he would stay the whole night.

- Gojo would be more gentle and slow with his actions, he wasn’t going out of his way to fully please Kento, but it was more like a sympathetic “c’mere let me do it for you” offer

- on those nights, after they were done, Gojo would lay there and hold-genuinely hold- Nanami.

- Nanami could see the accumulated exhaustion and pain in Gojo’s eyes on those days, and like Gojo, he wouldn’t go out of his way to help him. He might offer to be the bigger spoon or not question it when he stayed till morning, but Kento never would ask Gojo if he wanted to talk about it.

- Nanami would also allow himself to be selfish and enjoy the softer and more affectionate actions Gojo would do during these days

The sense of comfort and understanding they felt with one another was odd and definitely unhealthy, but it was better than being left alone with their own thoughts.

And it continued until Gojo was finally graduating and Nanami decided to share the news that he was going to start interning at some office

Gojo was taken back a bit by the announcement. Kento seemed like he would’ve just done the expected thing of graduating and going straight into sorcery work.

- “You really don’t like this sorcery stuff huh?” He’d probably ask him

- “It's all a bunch of shit” definitely a Nanami response

- Gojo was pretty indifferent in Kento’s post graduation plans, so he only gave him and understanding nod

During Nanami’s final year at the tech school, the two drifted apart without much trouble

- Maybe once in a while, when they were both overworked and stressed by their new schedules, they’d come back for one night to each another.

- It wasn’t much different than what they already had though

- Gojo would still only care about getting his first, and Nanami would use the time to space off and just distract himself from his reality

After Nanami graduated and started his salaryman career, their meetups stopped for a good while.

- Besides the fact that the two were now working even crazier schedules, Nanami was the one who wanted to full on quit.

- He was done with jujutsu tech & sorcery, and as he’s done with everything else in his life, he ran away from it

- He’d ignore Gojo’s out of the blue texts, or just give short and dry responses

- Gojo wasn’t really hurt about it, there weren’t any deep emotions formed below the surface of what he and Kento had.

- Though Gojo was very close to calling Nanami the day he dealt with Geto

But just how they were a few years ago as students, the two adults ended up back where they started, in an emotional void induced by stress and the years long accumulation of unattended issues that neither one of them knew how to handle.

- Nanami tried to quit, he really did. But going to company speed dating parties and or blind dates set up by coworkers was too much trouble for him. He was working way over 40hrs a week and had no time to develop a healthy relationship with someone.

- After some big deal falling through with his job, Nanami did what most adults who have little to no healthy coping skills would do. Get drunk and call his fuck buddy

- Gojo thought it was a mistake when Nanami sent him a text with only an address

- Gojo, also having almost no healthy coping skills, immediately called Nanami back to see what the text was about

- And oh.

- Nanami did send it on purpose

- Well. Who was Gojo to say no to a free night of being distracted with no strings attached?

Aaaaaand they were back, dancing the same dance they have been for years.

- Somewhere within those meetups, Gojo finally shared what happened to Geto.

- Nanami didn’t say much, he only said enough to convince Gojo that tonight wasn’t going to go as they usually do.

- Instead Nanami allowed Gojo to drink and let out any and all emotions he had about the incident.

- Gojo was embarrassed the next day thinking about what all he probably said. But he was grateful Nanami chose to be the responsible one and be next to him as he aired out his feelings

- Nanami never brought up that night’s conversation details to Gojo. He just let that night be what it was and moved on (the best thing for the both of them, more so for Gojo tbh)

Now present time, they still do their usual meetups, but maybe it’s the years of life slowly sanding them down because now, it feels more like a weird check up with one another than just a quick hookup

- It started with them just getting drinks for the night, nothing happened, they both just got drunk and passed out in Gojo’s Living room

- Then it slowly progressed from getting a quick bite to eat, to having planned dinners together

- Sometimes it leads to something, sometimes it doesn’t.

- Is it healthier than what they were doing at the beginning? Not really.

- They still don’t share their feelings that openly nor do they go out of their ways to comfort each other.

- But I guess just the mutual understanding from someone who has also lived through some fucked up stuff quietly sharing a drink or meal with you is somewhat comforting and helps you stay grounded.

End.

#sorry #there’s no good ending to this #also #if you read all of this you deserve some reward #is there errors and flaws? yes #but im just gonna close my eyes and ignore it lmao #nanago #nanami kento #satoru gojo #gojo x nanami #jjk headcanons

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taehyungs-perm · 4 years

Text

strawberry girl pt 5

taehyung x reader; college au; childhood best friends to lovers au; jock!fratboy taehyung

genre: fluff; major angst lol

word count: 16k

summary: i can pretend i don’t miss you. i can pretend i dont care. all i want to do is kiss you. what a shame you’re not here.

Part 1 here ; Part 2 here; part 3 here; part 4

playlist vibes

fuck it i love you | lana del ray

still with you | jk

la vie en rose | edith piaf

the remedy of a broken heart | xxxtentacion

cant help falling in love with you | kina grannis

sweet night | v

cherry hill | russ

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All of the days had pretty much begun to blend together. There was no difference between morning and night. You just sat in your room, shades drawn, binging TV shows and movies. After the first night, you began to cry in random spurts. It would go a bit something like this: you would be staring at the cereal swirling in the milk and burst into tears because your heart would just seize up in pain; you would focus on the spinning of your ceiling fan before you would realize the tears were spilling out of your eyes; you would tear up as you scrolled through your camera photos just to see his face. Every ounce of your being missed him but there was no way in hell you could face him, not after that night.

You had blocked his number when he began to text and call you after a week. You had hoped he would never contact you, but that wasn’t the case.

Tae: hey

Tae: can we talk

Tae: I’m sorry

Tae: can we stay friends

Tae: missed call (5)

Tae: why r u ignoring me

Tae: u fucked it up

Tae: not me

Tae: I’m sorry that was uncalled for

Tae: can we talk

Tae: pls

Every time his name popped up on your phone screen, you felt like throwing your phone against the wall. It was after a few days of this when you realized you couldn’t take it anymore. You just wanted him out of your life. It became much easier to deal with the pain once you weren’t bombarded by messages from him.

You laid on your bed, with Gossip Girl mindlessly playing in the background, thinking about him. Before the break started, you and Taehyung talked about all of the things you wanted to do since this was the first time in a long time where it would be you two alone at home: have picnics, go ice skating, watch movies all night. All of that, gone to shit. Just cause you fucking had to tell him about your feelings.

Your mom had enough of you lying in your bed all day and forced you to get out of your room. It just ended up with you lying on the living room couch all day instead. You had just gotten a copy of “Freedom is a Constant Struggle” by Angela Davis but you felt like your brain was mush and couldn't bring yourself to read it. One morning, your parents tried convincing you to come shopping and get some fresh air but you felt like you had no energy to do so. You laid on the couch, face squished on a pillow, curled up in a blanket, completely not comprehending the episode of gossip girl you had switched on. The doorbell rang and you groaned, barely shifting, not wanting to answer the door. The doorbell rang again and you rolled off the couch, annoyed. You tried peering through the side window to see who was at your door bothering you. Then you heard loud rapid knocks. Ugh who the fuck is knocking at my door and why aren’t they leaving?

You reluctantly opened the door, still wrapped in your blanket, completely prepared to yell at whoever was annoying the shit out of you, but when you saw him standing there, every thought in your head completely disappeared, your heart completely dropping.

Your voice broke, “Taehyung?”

He looked at you, peering at your eyes behind his shaggy curly strands of hair, shivering in his jacket and sweatpants, “__________”. His voice was shaking, as if he was scared.

You wanted to slam the door on his face, but the way his big brown eyes were staring at you, full of innocence, you knew you couldn’t bring yourself to do that. You couldn’t help but wonder, did he not get the message? And why does he even want to talk to you?

“What do you want?” you asked, sternly.

“Can we talk? please?”

“Taehyung, please, leave me alone. please.” You tried to close the door but he stepped forward and held the door open with his hand.

“You blocked my number. I can't even contact you anymore. Can I just have this at least? Can we just talk once more?” he pleaded. His eyes were filled with a sadness that you couldn’t quite understand. You desperately just wanted to reject him just like he did to you, but you couldn’t. He was and always would be your weakness. Seeing him, standing here in front of you, doe eyed and heartbroken because of your actions made you hate yourself even more. You would rather have your heart broken a thousand times than to see him in pain.

“Okay. we can talk,” you whispered softly.

You didn't want to let him in though. You just leaned on the doorframe, staring at him as the wind sent shivers up your spine.

“Why are you ignoring me again? I told you not to do that. Ignoring me doesn’t do anything.”

“I needed space. And I still do.”

“Space from me?” he stepped closer to you. His closeness made you uneasy. You glanced up into his eyes, and there were stone cold seriousness. You hadn’t seen Taehyung like this in a while. For all the talk of you thinking Taehyung was adorable and cute, he could be just as intimidating. The look in his eyes made you almost scared.

“Yes.” you breathed out, trying to match his serious tone.

“Are you mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you, just at myself…because I knew this would happen, but I let myself fall in love with you anyways.”

“I'm sorry.”

“There's nothing to be sorry about. It's just I should have known better. It's what happens to people like me. And this is why I don’t let myself fall in love.”

“___________ don't let this ruin you. Don’t let me fuck up everything you believed in. You’ll fall in love again.”

“Taehyung. I’ve been in love with you for years. I just never had the guts to say it. I dunno if I'll fall in love again because my heart belongs to you. I didn’t choose to give it to you and it fucking kills me to admit it,” you felt tears welling up in your eyes. Your voice began to crack, shaking from the tears, “but my heart is yours and you don’t even want it.”

Taehyung had been staring at the ground, scared to make eye contact with you. But once you said those words, he looked up at you, his eyes trembling, “_________ I like you. okay? Please don't forget that. You're my best friend.”

You looked deep into his eyes and shook your head softly, “Taehyung, Stop looking at me like you want me because we both know you don’t. I know you don’t feel the same way, but I wish you did.”

“_______ I told you, I just don't know right now. I just don't know how I feel about you but maybe if you give me time I could fi-“

You cut him off, not wanting to hear any bullshit, “Don’t fuck with my feelings just because you’re unsure of yours. I didn’t mean to fall in love but I did. And you didn’t mean to hurt me but you did. Try to understand how I feel.”

Taehyung took another step towards you, his hand came up to your face, resting on your cheek as he wiped a falling tear, “Why do you need space from me? Why do you need to cut me off completely?”

You pushed his hand away, feeling annoyed at his words. All of this was bullshit. Taehyung doesn’t care about you. He broke your heart and he was just acting now. He just pretends to care but really he doesn’t give a shit about you.

You furrowed your eyebrows in anger, “I just want to fucking get over you okay? Like Taehyung, you have no idea what you do to me. The way my heart goes completely erratic. The way that one look from you is all that I need to smile. I can’t think around you. Because all I think about it is you. I don’t think...I’m capable of being just friends with you. At least not for a long time. Maybe that’s selfish but that’s all I’m asking of you. I’m not asking you to love me because I know you can’t do that. So just give me space.”

He was quiet, not saying a single word. You sighed out your last few thoughts, “You don’t love me the way I love you. And I know you never will. And that’s okay. But understand that just being friends with you and seeing you everyday is a reminder that you don’t love me.”

Taehyung scoffed, kicking his foot against the door frame, “Why did you do that? Why did you have to tell me your feelings? Why did you fuck it up?”

Your lip trembled. You already felt like shit, like the biggest idiot on the planet for thinking he could love you back, and now he was just shoving your mistakes right back in your face, “Why did you kiss me? You keep saying I fucked it up! I didn’t, you did! If you just didn’t fucking kiss me, then this wouldn’t have happened. So why the fuck did you kiss me?”

He took a step back, shocked at your outburst. His voice faltered, coming out weak and soft, “I..I..I dunno. I don’t know.”

You scoffed, “You want me in your life, but I can’t do that. You’re asking too much of me. You’re asking me to pretend these feelings I have for you are insignificant. Something that can be stored away as if they didn’t matter. But it did matter. To me.” You stepped towards him, feeling a bit reckless but fuck it right? you had nothing else to lose. you just wanted the truth from him. You asked, your voice icy, “Do I even matter to you?”

He looked at you, confused, “Of course you matter to me. You're my everything.”

You couldn't help but let out a cold laugh, “The things you say sometimes make me feel like I actually have a chance with you, but then I snap back to reality and realize I never really did.”

Taehyung looked at you with defeated eyes. You looked at him and saw that he knew he had done things and said things that he couldn’t take back.

His eyes were now puffy and bloodshot. His voice croaked, “So where does this leave us? We go back to ignoring each other? You pretend I don't exist and I do the same to you?”

You sighed as you walked back to your front door. you turned to look at him before you shut the door close, “It's for the best Taehyung.”

You closed the door, not waiting to see if he had left your porch. You sat on the ground, back against the door as tears collected in your eyelashes. You know you really love someone when you don’t hate them for breaking your heart

———————————————————————————————————

You left later than planned, purposefully just so you could avoid traveling with Taehyung or even running into him by accident on campus. When you got back to school, Hana was out with Jungkook so you began to unpack, trying to distract yourself. You had told her a little bit about what happened, that you told him how you felt but he didn't reciprocate. You definitely made it seem you weren’t as torn up about it as you actually were, avoiding her FaceTime calls so she couldn’t see your bloodshot eyes.

You slumped on your bed, scrolling through an academic paper you were attempting to read for class but you couldn’t focus. His fucking smile, his fucking laugh, his fucking curly hair, it was all swimming in your mind and you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

You felt your eyes well up with tears and shut your laptop. You laid down on your bed and buried yourself in your blankets. You drifted off to sleep, exhausted from being so emotionally drained.

You jolted awake when you felt a hand on your shoulder.

“__________.”

“Whatttt?” You groaned as rolled over and saw Hana sitting on the edge of your bed. You rubbed your eyes and broke out into a smile when you saw your roommate, “Hana!”

She gave you a hug and gave you a concerned look, “How are you?”

You felt your words get caught in your throat, immediately feeling tears well up in your eyes, “I’m okay. Dunno why I can/t stop crying.”

Hana rubbed your shoulder soothingly, “You just lost one of your best friends. Your heart got completely broken. It’s okay to cry __________.”

“I’m so fucking stupid. I wish I didn't give him this power to hurt me,” you whispered softly.

“Hey, it's okay ___________. I'm so proud of you. You worked up the courage to tell him how you feel. And what you feel matters, so you shouldn’t feel bad about it, okay?”

You shook your head. You couldn’t even explain your heartbreak to Hana. Because she wouldn’t understand. You wouldn’t wish this kind of pain on anyone. Unrequited love doesn’t just make you feel sad. It breaks you down. It preys on your deepest insecurities and leaves you hollow and empty. Because in the end, it was you. You were the problem, you were the reason why it didn’t work out. It's not even that he was in love with someone else. It was simply that he didn't love you.

Hana spoke cautiously, “What exactly did he say when you told him?”

You tried to recall but your mind was a bit foggy as you tried to mentally block out that day, “Um, well he said he doesn’t love me that way. And that he was confused about his feelings.”

“He said he was confused?”

“Yea,”

“Hmm. it's a weird word choice but…”

“But what?”

“Im sorry ___________. I'm going to be honest with you, just so it doesn’t hurt more later. When a guy says they’re confused, they probably don't have feelings at all and are just trying to be nice. That's the only thing not complicated about them. If a guy likes a girl, he won’t hide it and say he is confused.”

“I’m fucking crazy to think he was into me” you said, tears slowly rolling down your cheeks.

“Do you still love him?”

“Yea”

“How much?”

“Why does it matter?” You retorted coldly, staring at your blankets.

She responded in a soft tone, “Why does it not?”

You met her eyes, “Because he doesn’t love me back”

“If you still love him, then you can't be around him right now. But you shouldn’t regret your feelings towards him. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but you’ll get through this.”

You fiddled with your hands, trying to steady your breathing, “It’s unfathomable. I can’t possibly envision a future with him loving me the way I want him to. But I can't get rid of this feeling, that somewhere deep inside me, I still have hope that he’ll fall for me. It’s pathetic really, how much I still hope it’s him and me in the end.”

She put her arm around your shoulder, pulling you into her embrace, “It's not pathetic. You love him, its okay to want him. But I promise you, you’ll get through this, and I'll be there for you the entire time. You are such an amazing person, you are kind and smart and if he can’t see that, then fuck him.”

you laughed humorlessly, “Thanks Hana.” You paused and then whispered hoarsely, “I wish love was perfect as love itself.”

“it will be. Once you find the one. It will all feel so easy and natural when you find your actual love.”

It was silent for a few moments and then she looked at your puffy eyes, “Are you feeling better?”

You sniffled and nodded, “I’ll be fine.”

“How do you know that?” she asked seriously.

You glanced at the window, seeing the rain droplets slide down the window pane, “Because my whole life I’ve been in love with someone who doesn’t love me back. It’s nothing new.”

“Boys are fucking stupid” Hana said, shaking her head.

“So fucking stupid.”

———————————————————————————————————

Hana did her best to keep you distracted, walking with you to class, eating meals with you, hanging out with you on the weekends, always going to the library with you. Jungkook tagged along most of the time but only after Hana asked you if it was okay. Seeing Jungkook did remind you of Taehyung, but his presence didn't bother you too much since he was always cracking jokes to make you smile.

You didn't see Taehyung around campus at all. It was like he was a ghost, completely gone from your life. It almost made it worse because then you yearned to see him, just to see his cute smile, to hear his adorable laugh. You missed his annoying headass personality that made your heart flutter, you missed the way you could talk to him about anything and everything because he actually listened, you missed being the person he could trust the most to talk to about his feelings.

Sometimes you got these heart aches, you could physically feel yourself falling apart at the seams. And it just hurt. It hurt to breathe, to think, to feel. And you didn’t know what hurt the most: The fact that he wasn’t in your life anymore and you won’t ever see his doe eyes and boxy smile again or the fact that you weren’t enough for him and that you’ll never be enough for him.

The pain of him just not being in your life was worse than you could ever imagine. Then, that combined with the realization your love was unrequited made you feel like you weren't ever going to get through this.

You sat on the first floor of the library with Hana, working through some biology worksheets to prepare for class. Hana was talking to you about the new boba place on campus, “They have the best green milk tea.”

“Damn I miss boba. I haven’t had it in so long.”

“Lets go right after this. They have a bunch of flavors.”

You nodded, feeling weirdly excited for just boba.

“Hi” you heard a voice say.

You looked up and saw Jennie.

“Hi?” you said, very confused.

She smoothed out her pink tennis skirt and sat down on the seat next to you, “Can we talk?”

“About?”

“Him.”

You glanced at Hana, who was also clearly uncomfortable. You really didn't want to talk to her about Taehyung but Hana gave you a small nod.

“Fine.”

Jennie looked at Hana uneasily, “Can we talk alone?”

You crossed your arms defensively, “Anything you have to say to me, Hana can hear it too.”

Hana put her hand on your shoulder reassuringly, “It’s okay. You should talk to her alone. I'll be by the vending machines in the back. Come and find me when you're done talking.”

She got up after giving you a smile.

You sighed deeply, facing Jennie, “So what’s up?”

“What happened? With you and Taehyung?”

“That's literally none of your business. Did he tell you something?”

She looked concerned, “No. Well. Kinda. Not really. After we all got back to campus, Taehyung didn't text me or call me. Which is strange because he usually calls or texts around every two weeks or so to hook up. But once we got back, he didn't respond to any of my messages. So I went over to his dorm.”

“And?”

“And he looked like shit. Like he hadn't slept or showered or eaten properly. I tried asking him what happened but he just told me to leave and not to come back. I ran into Jimin on the way out. He said you two had a falling out and Taehyung has been a wreck since. Tae has barely left his room, only for school and soccer and thats with Jimin and his other friends forcing him to.”

What? What was going on with him? Was he really this affected by your friendship? That didn't make any sense you guys had only recently become friends. Surely he could easily just resume his lifestyle to when you guys weren’t close.

You looked at Jennie, “I told him that I loved him. And he said he didn’t love me. I said we couldn’t be friends, at least not for a while. I guess he didn't take it well.”

You thought Jennie would just laugh in your face or say “I told you so”, but she didn't. She pulled you into a side hug, “Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I’m sorry. I know how it feels.”

“Did you ever tell him how you felt?”

She laughed softly, “I didn’t. I was too scared. I knew he would reject me. I guess I was scared of losing him, even just as a fuck buddy. So I just quietly pined over him from a distance.”

You chuckled, “You and me both.”

“I kinda admire that you had the guts to tell him how you felt. If he didn't have feelings for you, there's no possible way he ever liked me.”

You scoffed, “I'm sure he has feelings for you. You're so beautiful. And nice. And pretty. There's no way he didn't like you.”

“__________, you know you're beautiful too. I was actually always jealous of you.”

You were completely shocked, “Jealous of me?”

“Yes! No matter where we were, you could always get Taehyung's attention without even trying. I had to literally climb on top of him to get him to even think about me. Sorry about that by the way.”

“You don't have to be sorry about that. It's not a big deal. Honestly boys are so fucking stupid. I don't know why we let him use us and hurt us so much.”

“Exactly. I hope...we can be friends. Like for real.”

You nodded, “I'm sorry too. I was kinda a bitch to you.”

“Like you said, it's not a big deal. that's all in the past.”

Jennie got up and smiled at you. She paused for a moment, looking at you carefully, “By the way, you mean a lot to Taehyung. I know you're upset at him right now but maybe you can consider being friends with him in awhile.”

She stalked away leaving you in your thoughts. It was still too soon. But you felt better. Some of your sadness that you felt for yourself went away, transforming into a sort of anger and annoyance at Taehyung: he used girls like you and Jennie all the time and would play with their feelings just so he could feel good about himself. Fuck boys.

———————————————————————————————————

You were sitting on the picnic benches near the soccer field like how you used to do, but now Taehyung doesn’t come and sit next to you. The peacefulness of being outdoors allowed you to finally focus on your work without any distractions. As you were studying your statistics homework, you heard someone call your name. You looked up and it was Jimin's smiling face.

“Hey ___________!”

“Hey” you said quietly. You were a bit surprised to see Jimin talking to you. You kinda figured whatever friendship you two had was gone once you and Taehyung stopped talking.

“Are you doing the stats homework?” He said walking over to you, both his backpack and soccer bag slung over his shoulder.

“Um yea,” you said, shifting uneasily. Why was he talking to you? If he was here to talk about Taehyung, you were going to get up and leave. You really weren’t emotionally or mentally prepared to talk about him with one his closest friends.

“I was actually having some trouble with the assignment. Could you help me with it?” He said, dropping his bags on the picnic table.

“Uh sure I guess,” you mumbled out as he sat next to you. Jimin gave you his signature beautiful smile and you felt terrible because all you could offer was your half hearted one. He pulled out his notes and you began to help him with a few of his questions.

Being around Jimin was actually immensely helpful. He successfully distracted you with his cute jokes and charming personality. After about an hour or so, you realized you should be heading back to your dorm so you stood and began to pack up your things.

“___________?”

“Yeah?”

“I was wondering...” he looked a bit nervous, giving you a shy smile, “I was wondering if you want to get dinner together tomorrow?”

You blinked. Was Park Jimin asking you out? What? What the fuck was going on?

“You want to get dinner...with me?” You asked, confused.

He laughed, “Yes I want to. Do you want to...with me?”

Was this a prank or something? Did he want something from you?

“Wait is this like a study dinner thing with a group?” You asked, very unsure.

Jimin chuckled again as he ran his hand through his brown hair, “No _________, this isn’t a study dinner thing with a group. I want to get dinner with just you with no studying involved.”

You fiddled with the end of your hair, trying to process what he was saying, “Is this a date or...”

“It can be whatever you want. It can be two friends getting food together or it can be something more.”

“Jimin...I dunno. I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea” you said, thinking of Taehyung.

He put his hand gently on your shoulder, “If you’re upset about Taehyung, I get it. But that’s why I said it can be two friends hanging out.”

You thought about it and pursed your lips. Why do I give a fuck about what Taehyung thinks? He made it clear that we are just friends and that he has no feelings for me. Honestly we aren’t even friends anymore so I don’t give a fuck about what he thinks.

You slung your bag over your shoulder and smiled at Jimin, “You know what? You’re right. We can hang. Just text me later.”

You wanted to feel confident and happy that you were trying to move on and make plans with people instead of laying in your dorm room bed all day but there was still a nagging feeling of hurt and longing in your heart that didn’t know would ever disappear.

———————————————————————————————————

You wanted to feel the same butterflies you always felt whenever you saw Taehyung, but as you stepped out of your dorm and saw Jimin leaning against his black Audi, wearing sunglasses and a black tee tucked into black skinny jeans, you didn’t feel anything.

He smiled at you, “Hey __________. You look cute.” Again, nothing.

“Thanks. You look pretty good yourself.” You retorted playfully.

He opened the car door for you and you sat in the car, immediately getting flashbacks to Taehyung's birthday party and how he took you for a joyride in this very car. You smoothed out your black pleated skirt and picked at your leggings hoping you would get distracted and not reminisce over the happiness you felt sitting in this car with Taehyung.

You and Jimin chatted quietly about your days and your classes before you realized he had parked in front of a small restaurant.

“I actually have been meaning to go here for a while, but never found the time. Or the right person to go with,” Jimin said with a teasing smile as you walked into the restaurant.

Sometimes you would forget that Jimin was just as much as a fuckboi as Taehyung except with more braincells but then he would tease you, just like Taehyung used to, with flirty jokes and seductive smiles and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at his antics.

As you slurped on your ramen noodles, you found that you and Jimin had more in common than you realized.

“You watch Gossip Girl?” you said widening your eyes when he lit up at your off hand comment about re binging the show over break.

“Of course! Nate is my literal inspiration!” he exclaimed with a huge smile.

“Nate?” you thought about it for a moment and then continued, “Actually, he’s definitely the least problematic one out of everyone in the show.”

“And…he definitely has the best style.” Jimin added as he sipped his water.

you talked a bit about his winter break and his adventures in europe.

“So did you go with your family or..” you asked, curious.

“I went with some friends from home. I wanted to get some of the BTS guys to go with me but we decided to go on a group trip for spring break.”

“Where did you go in Europe?”

“Um, I went to England, then France, then Germany.”

“Oh wow. that's a lot of places,” you commented, a bit surprised since break was only two weeks.

“I dunno. I think traveling is such a great way to relax I guess. Going to new places and experiencing new cultures with friends.”

“That's valid. I guess in my head traveling gives me stress. So did you go sight seeing or just kinda wandered around the city?”

He chuckled, a light blush coming to his cheeks, “Uh, kinda, I guess.”

You wrinkled your eyebrows, not understanding why he was getting flustered, “What? What did you do?”

He ran his hand through his hair, catching a glimpse at how silky his dark brown locks were, “Well, it was like 25 percent sightseeing historical buildings.”

“And the other 75 percent?”

“Sightseeing night clubs” he said laughing.

“So you went to Europe to go to clubs?” you said trying to stifle your laughs.

“In my defense, European clubs are way different so there’s that.”

You raised your eyebrows at him, “And?”

“And what?” he said leaning forward on his arms.

“What about the European girls?”

“Oh fuck off,” Jimin said, averting his eyes and laughing.

“What else should I expect from Park Jimin? European vacation for clubbing and girls.”

“Dude, you make me sound like I'm Chuck Bass,” Jimin countered, his face a complete shade of pink, fully embarrassed at your teasing.

After you two paid for your meals, Jimin walked you over to a cute little cafe next door. You excitedly picked out a slice of strawberry cake, desperately wanting something comforting after feeling alone for the past month while Jimin ordered a coffee. You tried to pay for your own cake but of course Jimin wouldn’t hear of it and paid for it, insisting it was the “gentlemanly” thing to do (you had to roll your eyes at this).

You two made your way to a picnic table in front of the restaurant, sitting underneath the bright fairy lights hung up outside, giving just enough light in the darkness of the night. He sat across from you, sipping his coffee. You opened up the box that contained the cake and smiled, remembering the good memories you had attached with it. You brushed your hair behind your ear and took a bite.

You offered some to him which he accepted.

“___________, I'm not sure if you want to talk about this yet, but I just wanted to ask how you are doing? Like for real?”

You sighed. You figured he was going to ask you about this at some point tonight, “Okay I guess. I mean not great but i'm going on. It’s whatever I guess”

“It's not whatever. I'm really sorry that happened to you. It hurts, doesn’t it?”

You nodded softly and whispered out, “It does.”

You were scared to ask but you knew you couldn’t go home tonight without asking Jimin, “How is he?”

He set his coffee on the table, “Not good. He misses you. A lot.”

Your heart broke at his words. You wished he just told you that Taehyung didn't give a shit. That he was doing great and that he was still fucking Jennie and didnt even notice that you weren’t in his life anymore.

Part of you didn't believe his words, “Nah. I'm sure he’s fine.”

“No __________ he isn't. He doesn’t go out anymore. He just goes to class and soccer practice. That's it.”

You closed your eyes, processing what Jimin was saying. Why is he so upset? He broke your heart. He made you cry. He made you feel worthless so why is he acting like this?

“Does he know you’re hanging out with me tonight?”

“Uh no. But I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. You said this was just as friends so there’s no reason for me to tell him and have him get all worked up about it,” Jimin said, shrugging his shoulders.

You nodded, resting your hands on the picnic table, trying to take deep breaths to calm your nerves.

He stood up and sat next to you, his legs touching yours. He reached over and took your hands in his, “I don't know why he’s so torn up about this whole situation, especially since he broke your heart. I tried telling him that you need space and that it's completely fair of you to not want to be friends for now but he always dodges the conversation. I'll try talking to him again.”

Your voice cracked as you looked at Jimin, Thank you. For being a good friend. For listening to me. For caring about me.”

He put his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his embrace, “Of course. I just really want you and Taehyung to be okay. Both of you are my friends and I care about you guys a lot.”

Jimin dropped you off at your dorm and told you to call him if you ever needed anything. You gave him a weak smile and went back to your room, feeling slightly okay.

You laid on your bed and checked Instagram since you hadn’t looked at it in a while. You noticed Jimin had something recently posted which was kinda odd because he rarely posted on his Instagram story and you were just with him. You clicked on his story and your eyes widened when you saw it was a picture of you captioned with a single purple heart.

It was a photo he took of you sitting across from him at the picnic table. You were smiling at the strawberry cake in front of you. You couldn’t clearly see your face since your hair was somewhat covering it but if anyone knew you, it was very obvious. You were worried for a moment that Taehyung would see it before you remembered you two weren’t on speaking terms anymore. Well, its a cute picture and I had a good time with Jimin tonight so who cares? you thought, shrugging your worries away.

———————————————————————————————————

The next morning, you woke up feeling better than you had in a long time. The weight that you had been dredging around for the past month or so had felt lighter. You grabbed your baking basket and some strawberries from your fridge, finally feeling the excitement to bake in a long time. You also wanted some time to think; a lot had changed since you came back home from break and you wanted to properly sort out how you were feeling about the whole situation.

You tied up your hair, and laid out the ingredients to make strawberry muffins. You thought about Jennie as you mixed the flour, baking soda, and salt together. She was hurt too. You never really thought about how she felt in this whole situation, but in her own way, she was dealing with her own personal insecurities. She wanted Taehyung too and you had him in a way she never did.

You were glad that you two were on friendly terms now because she was a sweet and kind person once you got to actually knowing her. You felt upset at the way Taehyung treated her. He knew her feelings and yet he continued to play with them, just like he played with yours. After hanging out with Jimin, you were also heartbroken to hear that Taehyung’s behavior hadn’t improved. You wanted him to recover just like you were.

But it seemed like he needed you. And you didn't need him. You wanted him, that was for sure. But you didn’t need him because you were moving on. Each day it was getting easier to breathe and to think clearly. You began to mix the eggs, milk, and vanilla extract into the dry ingredients, slowly stirring as you thought. You paused and realized that you felt empty. Like your heart had finally gone numb.

As if it were finally exhausted of the roller coaster of emotions you spent with him: anger, jealousy, nervousness, love, happiness. Your heart burned and burned and then suddenly turned to ice. You mixed the chopped up strawberry pieces with flour then added it to the batter.

It felt nice, not feeling completely overwhelmed with emotions. You thought about what Hana had told you when you came back, that if he couldn’t recognize your worth, then fuck him. And then suddenly you cared even less. Because the only person’s validation you needed was your own. You evenly divided the batter into 12 equal portions in the muffin tin. You popped the tin into the oven and sat down on the empty chair.

You didn't need Taehyung's validation, you didn't need his love, to feel complete. You were complete on your own. You still had sadness for him, you still wanted him, but after these past few weeks, you came to the realization that you were enough and that pining and sitting in your room all day, waiting for him wasn’t going to do you any good. You breathed out softly, trying to reassure yourself, “It's going to be fine.”

———————————————————————————————————

“You’ll really come?” Hana asked excitedly.

You were sitting on your bed, relaxing as you attempted to proofread your essay.

“Ya, I will. I’m not really making any progress with this essay right now. So I'll come.” Hana had been trying to convince you to come to a party all day and you had finally agreed. It had been a while since you went out, especially with the whole situation with Taehyung going on, you rarely left your room. But now, you were feeling much better emotionally and mentally.

You got ready with Hana, opting for a simple jeans and sweater because it was still cold outside.

She told you that the party wasn’t at the BTS frat and it calmed your nerves a little. Even though you were feeling better, you didn’t know what you would do if you saw Taehyung. It was still too soon. The wounds he left still hurt.

“EXO parties are always fucking insane,” Hana raved as you two entered the frat house.

“Why?” you asked curious

“Cuz they rarely have parties but when they do, they go all out.” she said smiling as you looked around. Your eyes widened when you saw a huge tower of beer cans stacked in the middle, a DJ at the front of the house, and several stripper poles.

“What the fuck…” you mumbled as you looked around.

“Jungkook is here somewhere.” Hana muttered as she led you through the enormous crowd.

She found Jungkook in the kitchen by drinks, talking with Yoongi and Hobi. The second Jungkook saw Hana he pulled her into a deep kiss. You were really happy for Hana but it stung. Would anyone ever love you like that? You sighed and said hello to Yoongi and Hobi.

“How is it going _________. Haven’t seen you in awhile.” Hobi said, smiling widely.

Yoongi elbowed him in the stomach and whispered loudly, “Bro, shut up.”

You laughed awkwardly, “It's okay. I'm fine. just been doing school stuff.”

Yoongi gave you a soft smile, “I'm glad you are doing well. I know it's all complicated but I hope we can all still be friends.”

You nodded, “Of course.”

Hobi handed you a drink, “Try this.”

You looked in the red solo cup and it was a blue colored drink, “What the fuck is this?”

“There isn’t any alcohol! It's just a blue Hawaiian punch mixed with sprite.”

“That sounds like a heart attack in a cup.” Yoongi said, utterly confused at the combination.

“I'm telling you, It's good. Try it _________.”

You took a sip and it was very sweet, but not bad tasting. “It's decent. Not terrible,” you said nodding.

Jungkook came over with Hana wrapped in his hard, “Guys I heard that EXO got strippers for tonight. That’s fucking insane.”

Hana punched his arm and Jungkook exclaimed, “Owww. I never said I was going to do anything about it. Just stating a fact.”

You were laughing at Jungkook’s pure stupidity when someone caught your eye. Your heart stopped. Of course he was here tonight. All his friends were. You hadn’t seen him since that day on your porch. Then you saw his arm wrapped around her. Then the sadness that was in your heart immediately bloomed into anger. What the fuck? All this fucking talk of not wanting a girlfriend yet he was here with her?

Hana put a hand on your shoulder, “Do you want to leave? We can go.”

You shook your head, “I'm fine.”

“I can literally beat his ass right now if you want,” She said aggressively.

Jungkong squeezed Hana’s shoulder, “That's my Hana, lovely and scary.”

You gave her a weak smile, “I'm okay. For real. I just need you to be here for me. Thats all.”

You hadn’t spoken or seen Taehyung since that day on your porch. He looked sad. You could tell. You knew him better than anyone else in your life. He was putting on a mask, pretending like he was happy. But you could see it, the hollowness in his cheeks, the fact that he hadn’t shaved because of all the stubble on his face, his curly hair now long and unruly because he hadn’t gotten a haircut in awhile. He was wearing a simple white shirt tucked into a pair of jeans (unfortunately he still did look hot but you weren’t going to admit that)

He walked up to you guys with Jennie by his side. He gave you a glance but you didn't meet his eyes, quickly looking away. Jennie gave you a small wave and you returned it. It was kinda ironic because before you would focus on the fact that Jennie was with him but since you guys were friends now, you fixed your annoyance on Taehyung.

Taehyung and Jennie were talking to the group casually but about five minutes into the conversation, you couldn’t handle it anymore, pretending like everything was fine when it really wasn’t.

You slowly left the circle and leaned on the drinks table behind your group of friends, exhaling deeply.

Jimin walked over, grinning with his beautiful smile, “Hey”

He leaned against the table, standing right next to you, “Hi”

“Shitty party right?” Jimin said, chuckling.

“It just became shitty” you said, sipping your drink, eyeing Taehyung.

“I don't why he came here with her. He literally hasn’t properly spoken to her or seen her since last semester,” Jimin said sincerely.

“Ya well I don’t give a fuck. He can do whatever he wants. We aren’t even friends anymore,” You said harshly.

You and Jimin chatted a bit, and you almost forgot your annoyance at Taehyung. Then he walked over, with a stupid smirk on his face, “Excuse me __________ could you move? You’re standing in front of the drinks.”

You glared at him as you sipped your drink cooly, shrugging your shoulders, “Sucks.”

He towered over you, giving you an intimidating stare, slowly biting his lip, “C’mon _______ don’t be a bitch. Just move/”

Jimin stood up straight, “What the fuck did you just say to her?”

Taehyung gave you a cold laugh and raised his eyebrows teasingly, “Wow __________ you really need him to fight your battles?”

You knew that Taehyung was pissed at this point but you wanted to push his buttons further. You spoke in a calm tone, knowing that would make him even more annoyed, “I don’t, but he does have something called manners which is something that you could use.”

He leaned his face close to yours. You felt his breath tickling your neck as you got a whiff of his cologne, “Aww, I think you’re just salty _________”

You took a step towards him, not wanting him to get the satisfaction that he could intimidate you, “What could I possibly be salty about?”

Taehyung gave you a cocky smile, “Maybe that I’m here with Jennie. It must sting a little.”

You clenched your jaw. He had stepped over the line now. You knew exactly what he was trying to imply, that he had moved on with her. You were mad because he was once again just using Jennie for his own douchebag reasons. You looked Taehyung directly in the eye and scoffed, “You’re a fucking asshole.”

He put his hands up defensively, “Calm down _________ no need to make a scene.”

The amount of anger that flared in you in that moment was unprecedented. You wanted to embarrass him. You wanted to humiliate him. You wanted him to know how you felt right now.

Then an idea popped in your head. You gave him a small smile and spoke in a sweet, innocent voice, “Oh my gosh you’re right Taehyung. I shouldn’t make a scene.”

Then you dumped your entire blue drink on his white shirt and smiled. Taehyung's eyes widened as he looked at his ruined shirt and Jimin gasped in shock. The second you dropped your drink onto Taehyung, Jennie turned around and laughed at what you did. Taehyung's eyes met yours and you realized you might have gone too far. His eyes were dangerous and dark. But if you were going to be honest, it felt really fucking good to do that.

You shrugged and said sweetly, “Oops”

Taehyung growled, “What the fu-“

You crushed the red solo cup you were still clutching against his chest and let it drop to the ground, “Calm down Tae you wouldn’t want to make a scene, right?”

You smirked at him and walked away. You could hear Yoongi and Hobi laughing while Jimin was trying to apologize for your behavior.

Hana was able to find you on the couch a few minutes later.

She was laughing as she sat down next to you, “___________ that was so fucking hilarious.”

“I knew you would appreciate it.”

“It was good. I thought it was funny.”

You knew something was up because she had a concerned look in her eyes

“But...?” You asked cautiously

“How long is this going to go on between you and Taehyung?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you guys used to be best friends. Are you guys just going to hate each other from now on?”

“I’m not the one who needs to make amends. He was an asshole to me.”

“Both of you need to make amends. You guys just need to talk. I’m not saying you guys should be besties again or anything but I think you guys need to learn how to be civil with one another. This shit can’t keep happening every time you see each other.”

“I’m not talking to him Hana.” You said forcefully.

She sighed and got up, defeated. After a few minutes she came back with a huge smile.

“Oh my gosh __________ I need to tell you something!”

“What?”

“We need to go somewhere private. No one else can hear,” She said tugging you from the couch.

You tried asking her questions as she dragged you but Hana wouldn’t budge.

She opened a door that revealed to be a closet and said, “Perfect. Let’s go in here.”

Hana pushed you in the closet and closed the door behind you two.

“Okay what’s going on Hana?”

She glanced at her phone as if she were waiting for a text or something, “oh um so...Jungkook told me that he loves me.”

“Really? Oh my gosh! Well, how do you feel about it?”

“Oh I told him I loved him back.”

“Did you mean it? Do you actually love him?”

“Of course! He’s kinda stupid but he’s so caring and he loves me so much.”

You wrinkled your eyebrows, confused, “Okay so what’s the problem? Why did you drag me into a closet to tell me this?”

Her phone buzzed, “I’ll be right back __________. Jungkook just texted me. Just stay right here, don’t leave.” She said as she left the closet, leaving you in the darkness.

You tapped your foot impatiently wondering what Hana was up to.

You heard hurried, rushed voices and then the door of the closer swung open. You heard a very familiar deep voice exclaim, “What the fuck Jimin? Why are you pushing me Into this closet?”

The closet door slammed shut.

You rolled your eyes, “You have got to be fucking with me.”

“___________?” Taehyung asked from the darkness next to you.

You banged on the door, “Hana I swear to god let me out right now.”

You heard her muffled voice, “No! You guys need to talk!”

Taehyung pounded on the door next to you, “Jimin I’m not fucking around. Open the door. Now.”

Jimin's voice sounded strained, “I’m sorry guys! But this is good for you! You guys need to figure your shit out.”

You sighed, leaning against the door, “I hate both of you.”

Taehyung whispered out hoarsely, breaking the silence “This is your fucking fault.”

You turned to face him, shocked at his accusation, “My fault? How is this my fault? You were the one being a complete douchebag!”

“You dumped your drink on me!” Taehyung exclaimed, pulling at his now blue stained shirt.

You stabbed your finger in his chest,“You were the one who was being rude first!”

“You went out with my best friend!”

You went quiet. What? Is he talking about Jimin? That was a while ago and even so, he has no right to care about who I go out with!

“Are you talking about Jimin?” You asked, annoyed.

“Who else posted you on their story with heart captions?” he scoffed.

“First of all, it's none of your business who I spend my time with. And second, not that it even matters, Jimin and I are just friends.”

He taunted, “Yea I’ve heard that one before.”

“Why the fuck do you even care Taehyung? We aren’t together, we aren’t even friends.”

He paused, trying to think of an answer, “Whatever. I don’t care. Do whatever you want. I just thought you were better than that.”

“Better than what? I'm so confused. I dont get why you are so angry with me. If anything, I'm the one who has the right to be angry right now.”

“You? Why do you get to be angry?”

“Because you broke my heart! And you're shoving it in my face. You're literally mocking my feelings. First you told me that my first kiss didn't matter, that it was only a kiss and I was making too much of it. And now you're here with Jennie, asking me if I feel jealous of her! Like how the fuck should I respond to that? All of your shitty actions made me realize that you don’t give a fuck about me and my feelings. I’m moving on from you Taehyung. You don’t want my love so I’m trying to move the fuck on. Isn’t this what you want?” You gasped out, holding back the tears forming in your eyes. You just had to let it all out, all of your hurt feelings that had been building up for the past couple of months.

He wasn’t looking at you, just staring at the wooden floors of the closet, “I dunno. I just never thought you would just start talking to new guys already. I thought you wanted love.”

“I’m not the romantic you think I am. I’m not looking for someone to make me complete or to make me feel like I’m worth something. I am complete on my own and I know my worth. I just want to be with someone who can give me the same amount of love and appreciate I have finally figured out how to give myself.”

He made eye contact with you finally, “So what, we’re just going to cut each other off? Completely? Don’t you want me?”

You breathed out, leaning against the door, “I want you but I want you to want me too. I fucking miss you all day every day and you can’t even imagine how pathetic it makes me feel because I don’t even know if you miss me back.”

His shoulder brushed against yours, his voice hoarse, “I've been a shitty friend. I'm sorry. I am really, really fucking sorry. We shouldn’t have kissed. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I don't regret it but I regret what it did to us. I regret how I acted afterwards. I’m so immature. I don't have feelings for Jennie. The only reason why I came tonight is because she told me you were coming. And I knew I just had to see you. But then when I saw you with Jimin, I just felt so jealous. Because that should have been me, we should have been here tonight, hanging out. But I fucked up. You told me you wanted those moments to be meaningful and I stole it from you. And that can’t be replaced. You deserve better than me, okay? But I want you back. I want us to be friends again. Because I’m fucking falling apart without you. I miss you so much. Please, can you forgive me? Can we be friends again?”

You looked into his huge brown doe eyes and your heart did a flip flop. Fuck I still love him. Even though pretending to not love him was exhausting, completely having him out of your life hurt a thousand times worse. God you were the biggest headass on the planet.

You cringed at your own words, “Yea Tae, we can be friends.”

He pulled you into a huge hug and didn't let go. You could feel your heart breaking in your chest, you could never tell him how much he’s hurt you.

———————————————————————————————————

You felt like you were getting a literal migraine because of the deja vu you were experiencing, again. Pretending to be friends with Taehyung while secretly pining for him. It had been around a month or so since you two had reconciled and agreed to be friends again.

But you still found yourself staring at him for too long when you sat at the picnic benches to do work, you still found your heart beating too fast whenever he would lean in close to you, you still found yourself in love with him.

However, it was different this time because there was no ‘what if’ or ‘maybe’. He didn't love you the way you wanted him to. If you were going to be honest, you did appreciate knowing this. It made it easier to try to move on. Taehyung did have one thing wrong: you weren’t talking to new guys. Your method of moving on consisted of trying to remember the hurt things he did to you to stop yourself from falling further in the pit of despair. But for him, you could pretend like you were happy when you were actually sad; for him, you could pretend like you were strong when you were actually hurt.

You were pretty sure he thought you didn't love him anymore. He acted completely normal around you, going on as if you two hadn’t had the biggest fall out in your friendship. It helped, you guessed, pretending. It was something you were both good at.

You were sitting on your bed when your phone buzzed. It was a snap from Taehyung. You opened and groaned when you saw his snapchat. Taehyung had the infuriating habit of sending suggestive snaps. It was almost always a blurry selfie, very clearly indicating that he was shirtless (he told you he didn't see a reason to wear a shirt if he was in the comfort of his own room). You couldn’t help but feel your heart skip a beat when you caught a glimpse of his well defined collarbones. It was so on brand of him, to tease you like this. Luckily, he did have something actual to say and it wasn’t just a shirtless snap.

He added the caption r u busy Saturday.

There was a nagging thought in your head that you had something planned on Saturday but you couldn’t remember.

You snapped back a picture of your ceiling uhh I don’t think so.

Right away he responded (with another blurry selca) come to the soccer banquet w me

Oh shit. The soccer banquet. You had completely forgotten. Jimin had told you about the banquet last week while you two were waiting for biology class to start. He asked you if you wanted to go with him. You said maybe but Jimin told you that Taehyung was planning on asking you. Going with Jimin immediately sounded like a better option. You really just wanted to maintain some sort of distance from Taehyung, it made it easier to ignore the heartbreak. You ended up agreeing to go with Jimin as friends.

you typed i kinda forgot but jimin actually asked me to go w him and i said ok.

he sent a clear picture of his face, his curly hair looking very fluffy oh, ok. have fun.

Fuck he was definitely mad. You nervously bit your lip, thinking if you should go with Taehyung and cancel with Jimin.

You: taehyung just asked me about Saturday. He seemed kinda annoyed that I was going w u

Jimin: ah that makes sense. I just walked into the kitchen and he was eating my leftover dumplings.

You: I don’t want him to be upset.

You: ugh maybe I just won’t go

Jimin: he just gets pouty sometimes it’s not a big deal

You: what if he shows up w a date? idk if i wanna see that

Jimin: it'll be ok. He might not even go anymore. I’ll tell u if he says anything

You tried to occupy yourself with homework and studies so you wouldn’t frantic over the banquet. By the time the banquet day rolled around, Jimin heard nothing from Taehyung. He tried to reassure you that there was little chance Taehyung would actually show up since he hadn’t talked to any of the BTS members about it.

Hana also tried to calm your nerves as she helped you get ready but she had to leave you a bit early so she could help Jungkook (apparently the man was incapable of knotting a bowtie). She told you that she would finish her makeup and get dressed at his room so she would see you there.

You stared at yourself in the mirror, trying to think in positive thoughts. You were attempting to follow through on your mindset change and trying not to only focus on your insecurities. You combed through the loose waves in your hair, adjusting your soft pink tulle skirt. Jimin texted you that he was outside so you left your room quickly, just wanting for this night to be over already.

He flashed his gorgeous smile at you, opening the car door for you, “You look so pretty __________.”

You gave him a weak smile, knowing he was just saying that to be nice, “Thank you Jimin. You look good too. I like your sunglasses.”

He walked around to the other side of the car and drove to the banquet. Once you got there, you realized this event was insanely fancy. Since the BTS guys won the championship, they were essentially the guests of honor, with a few other teams receiving recognition for their own achievements. Jimin explained to you the different awards that would be presented tonight and told you a bit about the other teams. When he kept on droning on about the different roles of the midfielder position, you glanced around the large hall, a bit bored from Jimin’s monologue when you spotted him. I thought he wasn’t coming! He was alone, hands shoved in his pocket, walking coolly.

You internally groaned when you felt your heart skip a beat when you saw his fluffy hair. He was wearing black slacks, a soft pink collared shirt, and a white coat jacket with a black carnation pinned to it (191029 Taehyung). Once again, your thoughts immediately ran to “oh shit he’s hot.” His eyes met yours for a split second and you pretended not to see him, turning to listen back into Jimin’s lecture on soccer.

After 15 more minutes of explaining the technicalities of shooting a goal, Jimin patted your shoulder softly, “I’ll go get us some drinks. I’ll be back.”

You nodded at him and looked for Hana. You saw her sitting at a table with Jungkook so you walked over, not wanting to bump into Taehyung.

“Hey!” She said giving you a hug. Hana looked stunning as always. She was wearing a deep red, long silk dress with a slit running from Her upper thigh. You saw that Jungkook's bowtie matched her dress.

You smiled at her, “How do you get prettier Hana? It’s not fair for the rest of us plebs.”

“Shut up. You look gorgeous. Trying to impress someone tonight?” She said teasingly, looking in the direction of Jimin.

You chuckled “oh no. We’re just friends. He asked me here as friends.”

She looked unconvinced, “Rightt.”

You heard a voice go “ahem” behind you. You turned around at the sound of the familiar voice and saw Taehyung smirking at you.

“Hey _________”

“Oh. Hey. “ You said nonchalantly.

“Where’s Jimin?” Taehyung's eyes sparkled mischievously .

“He went to go get me a drink. He’s such a gentleman.” you said, trying to push his buttons a bit.

He smiled, playing along with your game, “Of course. Except for the fact that he’s never had a steady relationship. And that he’s even more of a fuckboi than me.”

You rolled your eyes, “Taehyung you should probably go back to your date.”

He leaned in close, his breath tickling your neck and whispered huskily “You’re cute when you're jealous.”

Your face immediately reddened and you got up hastily, “Jimin’s probably waiting for me.”

He pulled your arm back to face him, “If you must know, I came alone tonight. The only girl who I wanted to go with conveniently already had a date for tonight.”

You retorted back, snarkily, “If you must know, Jimin asked me properly, not the day before and through snapchat.”

You stormed away, infuriated at your own feelings and how you easily could fall for his one liners. You found Jimin talking with Namjoon, his girlfriend, and Yoongi. He smiled when he saw you, “Oh sorry. I just got a bit caught up. I have your drink.” He gave you a clear glass with a pink liquid, “It’s punch. No alcohol. Don’t worry.”

Namjoon was talking about how he did not want to TA for biology lab next semester since the experience was a bit traumatizing, dealing with frantic and stressed out students at very inconvenient hours (you definitely being one of those students). Yoongi berated him for even signing up for such a draining job along with soccer and studies.

You spotted Taehyung from the corner of your eye, slowly inching into the conversation, first talking to Yoongi then Namjoon and his girlfriend.

You were trying to focus on what Jimin was saying but you found yourself listening in Taehyung's conversation.

You overheard him talking casually, “Yea I’m thinking about shaving my head. It’s just my hair has gotten way too long and curly. I can’t manage it”

Your heart stopped. Not the curly hair. You were literally obsessed with his hair, and he knew it.

You burst out from across the conversation, “Oh my god don’t touch your hair!”

He smirked and winked at you and you closed your eyes in embarrassment: you gave him exactly what he wanted, your attention.

Yoongi laughed “Damn __________ really likes your hair then Taehyungie. Guess you can’t cut it now.”

You felt your face redden even more when Jimin laughed at Yoongi's comment.

Ugh Taehyung was pushing all your buttons. You walked away, annoyed at his behavior. You found a spot where there were little to no people and leaned on the cool marble wall, just observing the party from a distance. You saw Jungkook and Hana on the dance floor. Once again, you couldn’t help but feel a tad bit jealous. You wanted that and you wanted it with Taehyung. Hana threw her head back in laughter as Jungkook attempted to dance with her.

“He’s always been shit at slow dancing,” You heard the voice behind you say. You already knew he would come and find you. He must want something otherwise why else would he be following you around like a lost puppy dog?

You didn't bother to look back at him, “Yea this is like the fourth time he’s stepped on Hana’s toes. I'm surprised she hasn’t kicked him in the shins yet.”

You felt his shoulder brush against yours, “It's bound to happen at this rate.”

You laughed softly about to say something but you found yourself getting interrupted.

A pretty girl that you didn't recognize came up to you two, extending her hand out to him, “Taehyung right?”

He smiled sheepishly, shaking her hand awkwardly, “Uh yea. Sorry I don't know who you are. We didn't hook up right?”

She giggled, “No we didn't. I'm actually from Central University.”

“Ooh the rival school.”

She nodded, “Yep. I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m Yuna. If you're ever at Central for a game, you should totally let me know.”

You rolled your eyes, once again you found yourself in a situation where Taehyung was blatantly flirting in front of you. You blew on a dangling strand of hair that covered your eye.

“Um sure. I'll let you know.”

She put her hand on her hip, “Great. Just dm me on Instagram.” She then walked away, completely ignoring the fact that you were standing right next to Taehyung the entire time. You couldn't help but feel insecure: why would she expect someone like Taehyung to be with someone like you? It didn't make sense. That's why she thought she could flirt with him and pretend like you were completely irrelevant, because you were.

He looked at you, “Wow that was kinda weird.”

You crossed your arms, “Was it? I mean she just wanted to flirt with you.”

“She was flirting with me?”

You blew on the strand of hair again, “God you're dense.”

He shrugged, clearly not wanting to get into it, “Wanna dance?”

You shook your head, as you began to watch Jungkook and Hana again, “Not interested.”

“Not interested in dancing? Or not interested in dancing with me?”

“Both I guess.”

“So if Jimin asked you to dance, would you say no?”

“Why does it matter if it's Jimin?”

“It's just a question,” Taehyung said defensively.

Your tone came out accusatory, “If it's just a question, then why do you care so much about the answer? Why are you following me around? Do you want something from me?”

“I don't want anything. I just want to talk to you. I just don't get why you came here with Jimin and not me. Is he your boyfriend or something like I just don't understand. Why did you choose him over me?”

You looked over your shoulder and you found him staring at the marble, hands shoved deep in his pockets. You wanted to shout “I did choose you but you didn't want me” but you saw the hurt look on his face and simply sighed deeply, “I didn't choose anyone. He just asked me first.”

“Okay.” He paused for a moment then looked at you, “I'm sorry for being pushy.”

“I’m sorry too. I'm just tired. I didn't really wanna come here tonight. And I guess I feel kinda shitty.”

He looked up, “Why?”

You spoke softly, “I didn’t get to come here with the guy I really wanted to.”

Taehyung’s eyes met yours and the corner of his mouth lifted up in a smirk, “There's my strawberry girl.”

You rolled your eyes at him, “You're so annoying.”

“Nope. I heard it. You said I was your first choice. You must not really think I'm annoying.”

“I think you are extensively annoying.”

“Hey! At least I didn't throw gatorade all over you.”

“I already said sorry for that! And for your information, it was blue hawaiian punch and sprite. And Hobi made it. So if anything you should be getting mad at him.”

“Alright, next time I see him, I'll throw blue hawaiian punch at him.”

“Go ahead. I will not be stopping you. But I will also not be responsible for him dislocating your shoulder.”

He winced in pain as he rolled his shoulder, “Ugh, he doesnt need to that since I already dislocated the stupid thing myself.”

You wrinkled your eyebrows in concern, “Why? What happened? What did you do?”

He laughed nervously, “Well, Jimin was trying to teach me how to do like a front roll and I kinda ended up putting too much weight on my right shoulder and it fucking hurts every time I move it.”

“Did you go to the nurse? Did you ice it? Have you taken tylenol or ibuprofen?”

“Um, no, no, and no”

“What the fuck Taehyung! Why didn't you do anything? Did you not tell anyone?”

“Uhhh, no I didn't tell anyone”

You punched his left arm, “Why not?”

“Ow! Don't dislocate the other one!” he rubbed his arm where you punched him, “Because…I didn't want anyone to worry.”

“Well I'm worrying right now!”

Then he had the audacity to give his boxy smile to you, “I know and it's honestly pretty adorable.”

You crossed your arms and scoffed, “Oh my god, you are insufferable.”

“It's not a big deal ___________ .I'll be fine.”

You asked, “Are you in pain right now?”

He massaged his shoulder and winced again, “Eh it's fine. I can manage.”

You pulled his arm, “Cmon lets go. Let me take a look and see if it's actually dislocated and if it's bad we can go to the nurse tomorrow.”

“Where are we going?” he said trailing behind you.

“Lets just go back to your dorm. It's closer and I'm betting you have more medicine than I have.”

You made your way through the crowd before remembering that you should probably tell Hana you're leaving, “Uh Taehyung, can you get the car and meet me by the front? I just need to say bye to Hana really quick”

He nodded and let go of your hand.

You glanced around the hall and saw Hana by the drinks with Jungkook and some of the other guys.

You walked over to her, “Hey Hana! Im gonna leave now.”

She looked around and then giggled, “Ooh are you leaving?”

You nodded, not sure what she was trying to imply.

She laughed again, wriggling her eyebrows, “Are you going to leave with him?”

“Um..” You didn't want to tell her that you were leaving with Taehyung because she would not let you do that but you didn't want to lie to her, “Uh um actually I j-“

She cut you off, “Oh my gosh I'm so excited for you. Jimin is so sweet. Have fun!!”

You thought about clarifying the situation to her but it was whatever now. You would explain in the morning.

As you walked away, you turned around and saw Hana smiling widely and Jungkook giving you a thumbs up. God this is so embarrassing. But you didnt know what was worse: having them think you were going to have sex with Park Jimin when you really weren’t or having them realize you were going with Taehyung, your unrequited love.

You walked out of the building and found Taehyung in his car, waiting for you. You quickly got in, not wanting anyone to see you and he drove away.

He pulled up to the frat house and he led you to his room. For once, you didn't feel anxious. You were only here to see if his shoulder was okay. And then you would leave to go to your dorm. And not think about how much you wanted to kiss him.

You raided their medicine cabinet and found some Tylenol and some muscle pain reliever cream.

You re-entered his bedroom and saw him facing his closet, back towards you.

Your mouth went dry when he took off his white coat and began to unbutton his shirt. He removed his shirt to reveal his honey colored skin.

You quickly looked away when you heard him unzipping his pants. God why is he so comfortable with taking off his clothes in front of me? You tried to distract yourself with your phone but you couldn’t help but peak. He pulled on a plain navy blue short sleeved shirt and remained in his forest green boxers. He walked over, messing with his curly hair, and sat down on the edge of the bed, right next to you. Now you started to feel your heart pound again, his closeness was making it hard for you to stay calm. You hated the effect he had on you. He could make you nervous without even trying.

Taehyung spoke, chuckling, “Are you okay? Your cheeks are kinda pink.”

“I’m fine. Now let me just see your shoulder.”

You slowly pressed on his shoulder and he groaned in pain. You bit your lip, thinking about what to do.

“Can you um take off your shirt? I just want to see if th-“

He excitedly took it off, “You don't have to ask me twice.”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. You tried to focus on his shoulder and not get distracted by his really attractive body. You scanned his shoulder and found a huge bruise on the back of his shoulder.

“Okay so good news I don’t think it's dislocated. There's just a huge bruise here. Which I cannot believe you didn’t notice since it’s the size of my hand.”

“Well your hand is small so..”

“Shut up. Anyways, I think you just have to leave it and let it heal on its own. You can put this cream on and it can help with the pain and also take Tylenol.”

“Can you put the cream on me? Please?” he whined.

“God you're so an-“

“I know I know I'm annoying. Now pleaseee!”

You put some of the cream on your hand and put it on his shoulder.

“Done.”

“You didn't even rub it in!”

You really were not interested in rubbing your hands all over his chest, “Taehyung, can't you just do it?”

“It's literally on my back I can't reach it! Pleaseee!”

You huffed, annoyed at his puppy dog eyes that could literally convince you to do anything. You slowly rubbed the cream on his shoulder, trying hard not to think how soft his skin felt, how toned his body was, and how his body was literally radiating so much heat, making your entire face flush.

“Your hands are literally so soft __________. I should hire you to do massages for me.”

You chuckled nervously, trying to hide your blushing face, “Well for you it would be $1000.”

You wiped your hands on a napkin, “Anyways, I should go. I'm sure you’ve got someone to meet.” You started to get up, but he pulled you back next to him.

“I have nothing to do. Just sit with me. We never hang out anymore. I mean it's usually never just the two of us.”

Why the fuck does he have to do this? Why is he still acting so flirty? Doesn't he know it hurts me?

You felt the anxiety building up in your heart, you just really, really fucking wanted to get over him. You sat on the bed, a little too close to him for your taste.

“Can I tell you a secret _________?” he said leaning back on his bed, pulling on his shirt.

“What?”

He gave you his iconic teasing smirk, “You were my first crush.”

He was yours too. Kinda pathetic right? You loved him since 3rd grade and here you are, so many years later, still in love with him.

“I didn't know that,” you said, adjusting your sitting position. You rested your head comfortably against the headboard, crossing your legs.

“Yep, I had a crush on you in second grade. And third grade. and also fourth. Then in 5th grade, all the boys collectively decided girls were gross so I had to pretend I didn't like you.” He said, scooting so his shoulder was pressing against yours.

You chuckled, “I remember that. You told me I had cooties and that we couldn’t hang out anymore.”

“Yea I was kinda stupid then.”

“Just then?” You said teasingly.

He ruffled his hair, “Okay I’m still kinda stupid. But I got better with girls.”

You felt a pang to your heart. He got better with girls and fell out of his crush for you because he probably came to the not so surprising conclusion that there were so many other pretty girls. Obviously his crush on you was because you were just children, nothing that actually meant anything real. His feelings for you were absolutely none existent now. You had to keep reminding yourself of that.

“Is that why you used to pick flowers from the neighbor’s garden for me?” You said, recalling your younger days with Taehyung

He nodded, laughing “Yea I didn't really know how to impress you but I noticed you would always talk about how pretty their flowers were. And thus the romancing began.”

“I appreciated the flowers for sure, not so much all the teasing.” You were fiddling with your hands, recalling how Taehyung used to pull at your braids or do stupid things like get detention just to get your attention.

Taehyung shrugged, “Don't you know ____________ that's how boys flirt. They tease the girls they like, just so they can see them blush and smile.”

“Hmm I guess. Jungkook did that to Hana a lot, and he honestly still teases her. it's so cute.”

“Hey! Whenever i tease you, you just punch me or call me fucking annoying.”

“It's different.”

“How?”

“Cause you're not flirting with me. You're just teasing me cuz we’re friends. So its different.”

“What if I told you that I tease you to see that cute blush on your face?”

This was getting too much. You couldn’t take it. He was doing the same exact shit again. You couldn’t handle being his friend if he was going to act like this. You knew Taehyung was a naturally flirty person but it was different now. You had actual feelings for him and he didn't so all of this teasing and flirting was just shoving your heartbreak back into your face. If this friendship was going to last, you needed to set some boundaries with him. The old you wouldn't have done this. Before, you would have just brushed it off, ignoring all of his flirty comments. But you were going to put yourself and your feelings first now.

You spoke seriously, “Taehyung, I can't be your friend if you're going to act like this. You can't flirt with me okay? Friends don’t flirt with each other. Friends are just friends and nothing more. This is what you wanted so please make this easier for me.”

The mischievousness and the dangerous flirtiness disappeared replaced with your weakness, his innocent huge doe eyes, “Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't realize.”

You stared at your hands in your lap, “It's okay.”

You looked at him and gave him a reassuring smile. Taehyung slowly bit his lip and leaned his face close to yours, “Do you still like me?”

You were taken aback by his closeness, “Of course I like you, I mean we are still friends.”

He leaned in even closer, his nose touching yours, his breath tickling your neck, “No, I mean do you like me, like me? Are you still in love with me?”

Your heart was beating out of your chest, you felt like you couldn’t breathe, he was so close to your face. You couldn’t lie to him, he would know right away. Looking deep into his eyes, you softly nodded.

He broke into his boxy grin and licked his lips, his gaze dropping to your lips, “Good, because it will make this a lot easier.”

Then he kissed you. Hard. He pushed you into the pillows on the bed, his legs planted on each side of your hips, his body pressing into yours all while kissing you deeply. Your entire body was electrified, buzzing. It felt so good again, so comforting, so natural. One of his hands traveled to your face, cupping your cheek while the other pressed into the curve of your waist. Your hands immediately twisted into his curls. His lips were warm and soft, just like you remembered. He softly bit your lower lip and you gasped, providing him an opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. You couldn’t help but moaned against his mouth when you felt his tongue. Taehyung rasped into your ear, sending shivers through your body, “Fuck you’re beautiful.” He pushed his chest against yours, kissing you deeper as if he was trying to get closer.

You broke the kiss, the flavor of strawberry still tingling on your lips, completely out of breath, your heart hammering. You looked up at him hovering above you, his lips swollen from kissing you, “Tae, what..? I’m confused. I cant be your fuck buddy or something. I have feelings for you and I know you don't lo-“

He stopped your sentence by kissing your lips softly and slowly. He pulled away slowly, his eyes dancing with excitement. He kissed your cheek sweetly. He spoke, his voice deep and melodic, “I love you ____________”

Your eyes widened in disbelief, you laughed nervously as you sat up properly, “No, no, you don't love me Taehyung. You don't have feelings for me. You told me that.”

He settled next to you as he took your hands in his, “I told you that I was confused and that I wasn’t sure. I never said that I didn't have any feelings for you.”

You shook your head, remembering what Hana told you, “Taehyung if you said you were confused, it means you didn't have feelings. People say they are confused when they are trying to be nice. If you had real feelings for me, then you wouldn’t be confused, you would know that.”

His words came out as a whisper, “I know it now. I know I love you. All these years, I grew to be in love with you and I think I fell in love with you but I didn’t realize it until you told me how you felt. I realized once you weren’t in my life anymore, everything felt different. I didn’t realize I loved you until I did. And I don’t love the idea of you. I love you. Your smiles, your laughs, the way you say fuck in every sentence, The way you call me headass. I love you more than you could possibly understand.”

For the first time, you were completely speechless. You looked around and blinked a few times just to make sure that you weren’t in a dream. Actually what would be worse is if he took it all back. Just like how he did with the first kiss. You were literally on cloud 9 and then he broke the reality to you that he didn't have feelings for you.

He spoke again “I don't know if this is too much right now but if you want I can give you space. i can give you time. I can give you all the time in the world because I'll wait for you. Cause frankly the way that I see it, you and me? We’re Inevitable.”

Your hand came up to his cheek, “Taehyung, are you being serious? Are you telling me the truth right now? Do you actually love me? I just…I don't know what I would do if you didn't mean every word you just said right now.”

“I'm sorry _________. I was scared of my feelings. That's why I acted the way I did. The way I feel about you is like nothing I’ve felt before, so I was scared. And I was confused. But I do love you. Everything that happens to you matters to me. You're worth everything and more to me. And I want this. I want you. So badly.”

Your heart swelled, you couldn’t think properly not only because he kissed you but also because of his confession that you waited for since high school. You cupped his cheek and whispered hoarsely, “Kiss me…please.”

Taehyung then rolled on top of you, pinning you underneath him. He gave you a smirk that made your heart skip a beat and pressed his soft lips against yours once again. He went slowly this time as if he were trying to memorize your lips. Your hands wrapped around his neck, trying to bring him closer to you. The hand on your waist traveled to the outside of your thigh and he slowly wrapped your leg around his waist, pushing his body into yours. He pushed his tongue into your mouth eagerly, and his hand on your leg slowly traveled up your body just until his thumb grazed the underside of your breast. You unconsciously arched up into his touch as your breath hitched at the contact, never having been touched there before. He growled softly, “Fuck, you’re such a good girl.”

You whimpered as you melted against his plushy lips. His lips left yours as he softly kissed your jaw. Your heart began to pound, you knew where this was going but you were scared. You had never done this before and he had dozens of times with much more beautiful girls. Your anxiety began to crawl over your mind and you exhaled uncomfortably. He felt your body tense so he removed his lips from your jaw.

He spoke softly, “Hey, are you okay? We don't have to do anything. We can just sit on the bed and chill.”

You tried to control your breathing, “No it's not that. I want to but…I'm nervous. i've never done this before. and you have. a lot. with much more pretty girls. I just…I’m scared..I have no idea what I'm doing.”

Taehyung kissed your cheek, then your forehead, then your lips. He looked deep into your eyes, “You’re beautiful, you know that? Like ridiculously stunning. It's honestly not fair. But I also want you to know I love you for you. The way my heart skips a beat when you talk about what you're passionate about, the way you know what exactly to say to me, the way you aren’t afraid of calling people out on their bullshit. You're my dream girl. Also don't worry about not knowing what to do. Let me take care of you.”

You nodded softly, your heart completely elated at his words. You had never felt like this before, so loved, so wanted, so warm, “Okay.”

He slowly began to trace his lips along your jaw and neck, sucking and biting softly with the hot and open mouth kisses. Your mind was completely hazy as you sighed deeply, heart racing. You heard him whisper “mine” into your skin in between kisses and soft bites.

He made his way back to your lips. You uncontrollably moaned into his lips when he licked into your mouth. Taehyung groaned softly, “Fuck you taste so good.” He bit on your lower lip again when his hips pressed into yours. You moaned his name breathlessly, your cheeks completely red, feeling embarrassed at how desperate you sound.

He stopped kissing you for a moment and you realized you were completely out of breath. You looked up at him, his pupils were completely blown, his curly hair a mess, a glint of adoration in his eyes. You tugged at his shirt, “Can you take this off?”

Taehyung kissed your forehead, “Of course princess.” He pulled off his shirt and looked at you with his sincere eyes, “Whenever you want to stop, we can stop, tonight is about you.”

You nodded, knowing he would immediately pause whenever you started to feel nervous or anxious. Your words tumbled out when you saw his defined golden body, “You're so hot”

He immediately cupped your face, pulling you in for a needy kiss. He broke away for a moment, “I’ve waited so long to hear those words from you.”

You smiled shyly, “I've always thought you were hot. I just never wanted to tell you.”

He kissed you softly, “What else do you like about me? What do you love about me?”

You tried to hide a smile, looking up at him, “um..”

He gave a fake gasp, “Um?!”

Your cheeks twinged red and you began to ramble, “Sorry! I know what I love about you but it's hard for me to pinpoint. I love just everything. Your personality, you're so kind and sweet and gentle and you make me feel like I matter. You listen to me, like actually listen and care. I mean you're the one I think about as I lie awake at night. I also love how yo-“

He cut you off with a kiss and pulled away delicately, “You are so cute.”

You anchored one of your hands in his hair and one around his neck, pressing your lips against his, warmth coursing through your body. Your eyes rolled back as his hips rolled against yours. He whispered, his voice low and husky, “Fuck, you’re so needy for me.” He continued to place open mouth kisses on your lips, his hands remaining your waist, pressing into your body.

You trembled as you moaned breathlessly when you felt his fingers slip underneath your shirt, skimming the waistband of your underwear. You couldn’t stop panting into his mouth. you felt his breath tickled your neck, nipping gently, when he praised, “You're being so good for me.”

You were completely intoxicated in his touch, sucking on his bottom lip, responding to his praises with soft moans of his name, with one leg of yours wrapped around his waist.

“Tae.”

“Yes princess?”

“I want you.”

“You have me.”

“No I want you, want you.”

His eyes blinked in realization of what you were saying. He kissed your lips softly again, one hand on your cheek, the other twirling your hair, “Are you sure?”

“Yes”

“Just because you say yes now doesn’t mean you can't say no later. So whenever you want to stop, we stop.”

You nodded, reassuring him you would definitely let him know if you wanted to stop. But you knew you wouldn’t want to. You had wanted this so badly for so long. You trusted him completely, he was your best friend and the only guy you had ever loved.

Taehyung flashed his boxy smile at you. He tilted your chin as he kissed you deeply. He spoke in his deep voice, sending trembles through your body, “I can’t wait to fucking wreck you.”

———————————————————————————————————

You tapped your foot impatiently, waiting by the entrance of the building, leaning on the cream colored column.

He was late. Of course he was late. Even though you reminded him this morning about your plans together. You looked at your phone for the third time in the past ten minutes. No text yet.

You heard the rumblings of thunder, indicating it was going to rain soon. You sighed and stepped into the building, tired of waiting for him. You placed your purse in the x-ray and stepped through the scanner. You walked around and found a bench in front of a large photograph depicting two modestly dressed women looking at each other on beige steps. You stared at the photograph for a few minutes, wishing that the person who would appreciate it the most was here next to you. You felt a tap on your shoulder so you looked to your right and then heard his voice from your left, “Hi.”

You crossed your arms, annoyed, “You're late.”

His curly hair was messy, and he was still breathing heavily as if he just ran all the way here. He sat down next to you and he kissed your cheek, “I know, I know. I'm sorry. I got caught up with Jimin. We were playing smash and then I forgot about the time.”

“Taehyung, I planned this because it was something you were excited about.”

He cupped your cheek, “I know and I thoroughly appreciate it. You're way too good for me.”

You couldn’t help but blush, “Shut the fuck up. I'm mad at you.”

“Aww you're adorable.” he smirked at you, “Nice hickey, by the way,”

You gasped, clasping your hands over your neck. You felt your face heating up, scandalized by his actions, “Taehyung! I told you not to make it so visible. This is so embarrassing.”

“Sorry but not really. I like seeing you blush.” He tugged on your arm, lifting you up from the bench, “Now c'mon, lets go look around. It's not everyday I get to walk around a photography museum with my girlfriend.”

After spending a few hours walking through each and every exhibit in the museum, you were thoroughly exhausted. Taehyung held your hand as you walked out of the museum. It was getting dark, with the soft light of the street lamps giving a warm glow. it was sprinkling, giving the air a cool misty tinge.

Taehyung sat on the wooden bench facing the gardens outside the museum, and pulled you onto his lap. It started to rain harder but the pitter patter of the rain drops on the cobblestone was comforting, reminding you of home. He looked at you with his huge eyes that were sparkling in the dim moonlight.

You smiled, “What?”

He returned your smile, “Nothing. I just can't believe I get to date my best friend.”

You tried to hide your smile, “You're so mushy.”

He leaned in close to you, “What? I can't say romantic things to my strawberry girl?”

You pressed your lips against his, warmth coursing through your body. He whispered softly, “Your lips are so soft, I could kiss them all day.”

You smiled against his lips, kissing him once more.

“___________”

“Yes?”

“I want you to know, It was always you. You’re my beginning and my end.”

You rested your forehead against his, feeling his hands planted on your hips, “From the moment you called me strawberry girl, I knew it was always you.”

Taehyung looked at you with concern in his eyes, “Are you sure?”

“Sure about what?”

“About loving me.”

You leaned away to study his face, “Of course I’m sure. Why do you ask?”

“I’m scared...that you might love me now but in a few years you might hate me...you might fall out of love with me...that you won’t want me anymore. What happens if you see a side of me that makes you not want me anymore? I can’t help but wonder what I will do if you don’t want me.”

You cupped his face in your hands, speaking seriously, “I’ll always want you. I’ll always love you. I always have loved you. Even when we fight, even when we say horrible things to each other, we somehow always make our way back to each other. I know you, I’ve seen every side of you good and bad and I want it all.”

He held your hands that were pressed against his face and said gently, “It’s kinda hard for me to put into words but I love you in ways I have never loved anyone else.”

You rested your forehead against his, letting the rain tickle your cheeks as your lips pressed against his.

author’s note: i love the rain aesthetic; its so comforting and romantic (esp the idea of kissing in the rain) anyways thank you to everyone for reading. i really, really never thought anyone would be reading my writing, much less relate and invest in strawberry girl so thank you to everyone who has been following along w the story! i wanted to make the mc as realistic as possible and insecurities is something that we all have to face. bts has been such an important symbol of self love and im so thankful for that bc theyve changed the lives of so many armys! im rambling lol ty for reading and i hope you all enjoyed the final part of strawberry girl. 🥺💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

tags: @fleurmoon @tangledsparkles @chocolatebelievercrusade @brokenobserver @ncitydreamies @soulstaes @bonnyskies @thelilbutifulthings @busansgloss @imluckybitches @xlectrahearts @embrace-themagic @bts-dreamybaby @belshka @trinbin039 @xxlostinseoul @sheislikearock @madjammil @guksflavor @yn-the-reader @kingjvngins @ggukkieland @waves-and-woods @aa-ronpa @agabud @n-dingscene @daydreamersblog @dionysusrage @coolinwbu

#strawberry girl #bts #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bangtan sonyeondan #bts x reader #bts x yn #kim taehyung #taehyung #taehyung hot #taehyung fanfic #taehyung x reader #taehyung fluff #taehyung angst #bts scenarios #taehyung scenarios #taehyung fanfiction #bts imagines

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zuffer-weird-girl · 3 years

Text

Trying to slowly get back to writing so here it is some bitter ... fluff?

Pain

Is quite ironic.

The source of his power being both cut and disintegrated. His arms. It had nothing on there. Absolutely nothing. Only the mere replacement of plenty new robotic arms so that he couldn't just be more useless that he was already.

Yet it still hurt.

Torture he would discribe as. Every damn night or every time he closed his eyes his mind would replay the exact moment where that kid beaten him up, when he was taken away, when the van crashed and when the leader of the league of villains along with his commurates took away his hard work and arms.

It didn't even made sense to him why he would wake up in cold sweat and feel just the most amount of pain he felt on that day on where it was suppose to be his arms. Provably a psychological thing, but he didn't understand it neither want it.

He just want it to stop... why was he feeling pain on somwhere that it didn't even existed anymore..?!

His eyes burned as he narrowed them at his metalic hands resting on his thighs... if only he had been more careful with Eri... if only his damn pride didn't got in the way of doubting those brats... if only he had listen to the old man...

"A penny for your thoughts handsome?" He visibly flinched before looking over his shoulder and saw you wiping your hands after washing the dishes... a small smile yet aeyebrows furrowed in worry.

Those thoughts and pain were judt so terible that he almost forgot about the most good thing that thanks to heavens was left for him... You.

He would never understand it why you were still here with him. When he escaped Tartarus yoh only welcomed him woth open arms... not taling personappy the outburst he had on the first few months...

Sighing he only lifted hsi prostethic arm and managed to make a wave at you, a signal of him to tell it wasn't anything... you knew better than pry it out of him.

"I'm going to go take a nap, washing dishes has given me some back pain." You giggled while carefully wrapping your arms around his neck. His body answered to your actions by tensing up but slowly relaxing, subsconcipusly his head leaning into yours for just a bit.

He saw you going on your after brushing his mask and pulling it out of his face for just a bit to gige him a peck on the lips.

A shaky sigh left him, bitting his lip to prevent any sound to come out as he fept the pain come back ten times stronger than ever after you closed the door.

He didn't break it until now, and he wouldn't...

Your chest tightened and you felt yourself sick to the stomach due to the constant anxiety and distress you felt.

Kaai mever was one to open up to you. It took you years, YEARS, to find out that Pops wasn't even his biological father and to learn that his parents were absolutely horrible to him.

He would oftenome back to you with bruises, a bloody jacket, rarely with a bloddy nose after a fight on the underground or just some discussion. Yet he always remained with that neutrap and uncaring face of his. The most signal you would get from him that he was in pain or uncomfortable was his hives and by the way his muscles twitched and tensed.

You want it to help your boyfriend. You needed to. But how could you? The man had a ego bigger then the whole word and hated being touched or felt like he was a nuisance or worst, someone nothing.

Kai hated being touched or helped. Not used ti being cared or loved. The consequences of poor parenting and being rased in the mafia was pretty evident on him.

Yet oh how much you loved this man... despite his actions and flaws you swore you teared up every time you thought or just talked to someone about and your feelings for him.

So thats why you never leaved. No matter how many times Kai has gotten to the point of almost kicken you out of his life for what he says, "your own good".

You were about to sit down on the bed until your eyes widened at the sound of pans falling and crashing.

"Kai?" You spine carefully with a basevall bat already on your hand. Living with a now wanted criminal left you no choice.

Instead of an intruder or a cop, you saw the frame of the large shoulders of your boyfriend, metalic arms providing some ground for him on the kitchen counter as he panted as if he had ran a marathon.

"Oh my g- Kai?!" You left the baseball bat fall and came to him, hands hovering over his form as hives appeared on his face and neck as he breathed in and out, eyes clenched shut as sweat crawled down his skin.

"Kai honey please talk to me..." you begged with tears in your eyes as you saw him clenching his jaw so hard that you feared it could break.

"M.. Make it..-" he breathed out "..end."

It seemed that he was more talking to himself than to yoy but you still tried to remain your ground as one tear slid down your cheek.

"What needs to end?" You whispered as he grunted.

His eyes finally opened, the white of his eyeballs wasn't there anymore, instead some redness as he forced down the disgusting pained sob thag wanted to get out of his throat.

"Kai im begging you what is going on?" You cupped his cheek as the other hand took his mask off and saw his white teeth clenched together before you gasped when he dropped his head on your shoulder, curling his prosthetic arms on his chest.

"I cant bear it anymore..." it came his pained whisper as your heart almost riped out of your chest "Is not even there anymore so why does this keep hurting?!" He whispered shouted on your shoulder as you stood there in panick.

What was you suppose to do?!

Hands rubbing his back caustiously, you leaned your head against him as he trembled on your arms.

"What do you mean? Where does it hurt?" You whispered as you heard his unwanted sob manifest on the quiet dostant house you both got to get away from the heros and cops.

"I cant take it anymore angel!" He shouted as tears flew from his eyes "I just can't! It doesn't even matter anymore! Just fucking end me already! I beg you (Y/n)..." he sobbed in your neck as you hugged him... that was the only thing you could do.

Your tears dropped into his neck as you tried your best to understand him until you eldecided to rub the last remain of his arm and his shoulder... his breath hitched as.. his golden eyes widened as slowly his trembling got lower.

He shakipy breathed out as he moved his fake arms to bring you closer by the waist as he spoke the words that you swore that made your heart drop.

"Kill.. me."

Automacally you hugged him tighter as you sobbed immediately your denial as he finally quieted down.

"D-Dont ever ask me that!" You sluttered before pushing him a bit to rest his forehead against yours "Dont even think about it!"

His eyes were hollow and expression numb as he looked at the ground.

It was quiet until you saw his prothestic move to hold the left one.

"When my arms got stolen... I never imagined to still feel the pain as if they were still.. there. Comical..." he sighed, still not looking at you "Is torture.. my thoughts, head, body are being haunted and I just cant take it anymore... I... simply can't." He sighed, dropping his prostethics.

You furrowed your eyebrows before breathing in and staring angrily at your boyfriend. Making the decision that made him astonished.

Taking off his metalic arms from where they were attached to and starting to rub it with a concentrate face. His golden eyes wide open as he clenched his jaw and narrowed them a bit later to ask you what you were doing.

"Does here hurt? It makes less painful?" You ask, still not looking at him as he payed attention to his senses... it didn't. The usual pain he was beating thorugh almost a year was no where.

Shaking his head in shock you sighed and gently pressed your thumbs on his shoulders.

"Is like that. We dont simply deal with it..." your eyes locked with his "We search for a cure like you always did... so let me help?" You asked, eyes actually begging as his golden orbs stares back at yours before tsking... lowering his head on your shoulder once again so you couldn't see more tears threatening to leave his eyes.

"Idiot..."

#overhaul x reader #chisaki kai x reader #bnha x reader #chisaki kai #overhaul #bnha villains #bnha villains x reader #bnha fanfiction #bnha fanfics #zuffer writings

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