#low-tech hijinks
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there is a SERIOUS LACK of kon canonically being the president’s son (even if he doesn’t know it at the time) in fic
THERES SO MUCH POTENTIAL THERE! not only could there by red white and royal blue AUs between presidents son kon and tim of the DC Kardashians drake but there’s just so much potential for young justice hijinks as well
imagine tim and kon (and probably the rest of yj) need access to some sort of state secrets so they initiate a long con with the bonus of setting kon up with another legal identity
they leak that kon is the son of lex and how dare he not take care of his son?! where’s the child support lex?! is this our president?!
and THEN it leaks that he’s somehow the son of lex and clark. and it spirals into IS LEX GAY AND HOMOPHOBIC?!?! he’s had the tech to create children between two men and kept it secret! he must hate the gays! is this our president?!?
and then THEN clark comes in and is like i didn’t know about kon for years until i stumbled upon him and he looked too much like me to not be mine :( i didn’t know how he was created but knew i wouldn’t be able to afford to take luther to court so i took care of kon the best i could (all aw shucks wholesome country boy)
and the press goes WILD! in order to keep office and good PR lex needs to develop a good enough relationship with kon STAT and tadahh easier access to state secrets
(could then continue on to leaking the timkon relationship and the press speculating if this is why lex refused to acknowledge his son, he’s basically so low in approval he has to agree with whatever timkon says which just has so much potential)
i just think the idea of kon as the presidents son is under-utilized and has so much potential and i NEED MORE OF IT
#kon should be recognized as the presidents son#that’s ALL IM SAYINF#KON HAVING THAT RECOGNITION IS THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT PRESIDENT LEX#I WANT THE HIJINKS#THE TOMFOOLERY#kon#kon el#kon el kent#superboy#conner kent#young just us#tim drake#red robin#yj98#yj 1998#yj 98#timkon
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Mausritter this week was light on adventuresome hijinks, truth be told. The Waywatchers have been away from their home in Fox Cross for a full week (rigorous timekeeping being a key pillar of Old School play, y’know) and the dangers and treasures of the world had them bending their feet back to their beginnings.
Dragging all the treasure their little mouse backs could carry, they spent the first hour of game night hiking from the southern extremity of The Patch to the very north, reminiscing about the things they missed most about home. Birch, being not just Team Dad but a consummate family mouse, told stories about his wife and nine children. Fennel reminisced about Grampus, the de facto lynchpin of Fox Cross’ Guild of Messengers, a gruff and vaguely put-upon iconoclast of the Patch’s erstwhile postal system. Bindi, thinking always with her stomach, wondered about the first marzipan of the season (made by Marni, Birch’s wife in their family shop) and how Chester, the retired sewer-guide who runs the Waystone Tavern was getting on.
And they all were excited to get their weekly stipend from Horatio, the town Aldermouse. Granted they were carrying more treasure than they could strictly carry, but it would be nice to have some pips in their pocket that they hadn’t had to drag out of the danger and darkness of the world beyond Fox Cross’ walls. Plus, they had plans for the spoils of their adventuring, already.
Mausritter leans into the old adventure game mechanic of treasure being experience; 1 Pip (the coin of the realm) equals 1 XP. But it does a neat thing where every 10 Pips invested in a community or spent charitably grants an additional XP. This cleverly encourages the PCs to—if you’ll excuse the terrible pun—buy in to the characters and factions that exist back in civilization, far away from the dangerous wilds. And so, financing improvements and business expansions and defenses and helping to fund the further goals of their communities is a way to advance their characters and overall shape the ongoing narrative of the world.
That’s good tech.
Anyhow, this episode was all about building a supporting cast that the players are excited to come and check in on again and again. So, Birch’s enormous family got screen time. Grampus the angry retired mail mouse got some screen time. Chester the anvuncular innkeeper got some screen time. Horatio, the harried bureaucrat Aldermouse got a little screen time.
But we also got:
-Thorne, the warhawk of a smith who was in the Regiments lo those many years ago and thinks that direct action against the problems brewing in the south is the only way to get things sorted, damned be the costs.
-Sweetgum, the local representative of the Dairybell Company who believes anything can be solved with careful application of Pips. Also, as long as problems are far away, they aren’t her problems.
-Berthold, the head of the Almondiers, the mice who tend the almond grove just north of town on the edge of the spooky Estate. He’s made of ghost stories and local legends.
-Lucretia, a caravan leader built more like a hamster than a mouse. She wears an enormous ruff and travels with a small band of adventurer mercenary-mice. She desperately wants to add the Waywatchers to her retinue.
-The Papas, five unconvincingly-disguised least weasels who run the Foxcross Ferry. They sneak in a low-country brogue and hide themselves under oilskin cloaks and nor’easters, but the fact that they were once part of a gang and are in hiding until they deem it safe to retrieve their ill-gotten gold is an open secret. One is on duty at all times. The others are engaged in a game of cards that has been going on for years. They are Tall Papa, Kind Papa, One-Eye Papa, Split Papa, and Wet Papa.
All in all, a cozy session with a goldmine of characterization and hinting at plots that could be coming down the pipeline. Next week, we’re taking the first pigeon out of town and back down to Swamp Farm to consult with the Speaker-for-Ghosts. Hopefully we’ll meet Tam down there and we’ll be back to adventure.
Sometimes a breather and a little bit of downtime is exactly what you need to get the pot back to boiling.
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Security Measures—Part 3: Handling the Handler
Summary: After eliminating a target (and stealing his human guard dog), Yelena visits an old family friend to help her understand more about guardhund training and their very specific set of skills.
Warnings: dark-ish, sub-themes of human trafficking, heavy petplay
Word Count: ~2,500
A/N: I like the idea of Yelena taking on a pet that is essentially a loaded gun. With all her new toys, she gets super nerdy about studying the mechanics of how it all works. (With her throat on the line, she really doesn’t want to leave this one up to internet research.) Given the situation, I think she’d devote herself to mastering the ultimate switch — a deadly weapon and a big, dumb lapdog. Read as hijinks ensues!
Tip of the hat to @scarlettwlw for letting me borrow the Widow AU Yelena. (So very appreciated!!!)
All previous parts (link)
In the morning, you wake up to the feeling of sliding backward. You hear Yelena grunt and strain to push open her door, and you feel the dog bed you were sleeping in slide back on the hardwood, clearing the way so she could get into her living room. You raise your head and blink up at her, the outline of the waistband of her panties indented temporarily into your sleep-warmed cheek.
She chuckles softly and shakes her head. “Good morning, cub. Despite all odds, we made it through the night without murdering each other. Now, we get ready, yes?”
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IN THE APARTMENT
In the morning, you wake up to the feeling of sliding backward. You hear Yelena grunt and strain to push open her door, and you feel the dog bed you were sleeping in slide back on the hardwood, clearing the way so she could get into her living room. You raise your head and blink up at her, the outline of the waistband of her panties indented temporarily into your sleep-warmed cheek.
She chuckles softly and shakes her head. “Good morning, cub. Despite all odds, we made it through the night without murdering each other. Now, we get ready, yes?”
####
Just after you pass a sign for The Center for HK9 Rescue & Rehabilitation, Yelena cuts the engine and walks around the car to let you out of the backseat. You begin to wiggle in earnest as you smell the fresh grass and many exciting new scents. She tests your muzzle fastenings and reaches in to unbuckle the seat straps. “Come on, cub.”
You hit the gravel driveway looking up to take in a fenced compound with reinforced fortifications. Yelena waves at the sentry station, and you watch the double-gates open inward to reveal a large courtyard with outbuildings, paddocks, and what looks like a modest brick house.
Two women turn and start walking over to meet you; one calls out in greeting, “Yelena!”
“Oksana. Talia.” Good feelings waft off Yelena, so you walk forward at her left side and watch them curiously. Both of the strangers stop just out of lunging distance. You can tell they are inventorying you on the down-low, but they keep friendly smiles as they greet Yelena.
Oksana says and motions to the compound. “Welcome, my friend. So glad to see you at the center once again.”
“Thank you, Oksana. The place looks great. Forgive me for calling on you. I have… a bit of an emergency.”
“I see. May I?”
Yelena nods, and Oksana drops her eyes to you for the first time. She moves closer and holds her hand out cautiously. You lean forward and sniff her palm, picking up an earthy scent mixed with soap. You’re satisfied that she doesn’t have any weapons. Her gaze drifts to look straight into your eyes. Unafraid, you hold her gaze for a few seconds, then shift your eyes to Yelena to check in. She seems relaxed. You settle yourself and lean quietly into her leg.
“We had some restructuring last night in the Reznikov territory, and I ended up with this one. Alexei will pick them up Monday. However, I’m unsure what training they’ve had, and I’d like to avoid getting my throat ripped out between now and then.”
Oksana looks over your body, assessing. “Mmm...Tendons intact, multiple tech upgrades — ocular, auditory, and olfactory. Sound confirmation with straight shoulders and a good topline. I’ve never seen a guardhund so… well-muscled.”
Talia snorted a laugh. “Yes, huge. I doubt even you could scruff them, Yelena.”
The corners of Yelena’s mouth draw down, and she looks at you. “Mm. With the right motivation, you’d be surprised.”
Oksana interrupts, looking at Talia. “Will you bring out Blu? She has her therapy sociability test next week, and this would be an excellent opportunity to show her mettle.”
Talia turns with a nod, leaving Oksana and Yelena alone with you. Their stares warm your skin.
“Yelena, would you like me to keep them for the weekend?”
Yelena considers for a brief moment, “No, thank you, Oksana. We’ll be fine for two days. But, I would like you to tell me more about guardhunds and their training.”
Oksana nods, folds her arms over her chest, and slowly circles you. “As you know, Guardhunds are elite protection animals. They can be shaped for guarding, patrol, and retrieval, as well as complement training in sex or pleasure-based work, detection, and most anything. They are highly intelligent, or they wouldn’t be able to progress in the programs. They can be bred into service, converted, or, as happened during the war, conscripted. The best are happy, playful….”
“What? I thought they were killers?”
“That’s what they do, Yelena. Not who they are.” A knowing look passes between the two women that you cannot decode. “When I select an animal for protection work, I look for trainability, drive, work ethic, loyalty, and, when needed, fierceness. Protective instincts are just one part of a sound animal, you see? You don’t want to be saddled with an overtly aggressive animal. Lord knows, we already have many of those in the world, including many humans.”
Yelena hums her agreement.
“Now…what language do they speak?”
Yelena shakes her head. “Treats, mostly.”
Oksana snorts a laugh. ”We first need to unlock their command language.” She looks at you. “PLATZ.” Nothing changes in your demeanor. ”COUCHER… LEHNI… AF… DOWN.”
You blink and look up at Yelena. Oksana says, “Try saying that last one. With confidence.”
Yelena looks at you, “Down!” You immediately lay down on the ground, keeping your eyes up for more cues.
“Ah, English! A good step forward.”
“Talia?” Oksana called. “Bring Blu here for a five-point evaluation. Thank you.” She yells over her right shoulder. “Grigor? Suit up, please.”
Talia strides over with Blu, a collared human K9, walking on the handler’s left side. You look at Blu curiously, watching to see if she glances Yelena’s way. She did not. Grigor, a hulking man, walks toward another building, presumably to change. You catch Yelena’s soft smirk as she watches everyone following Oksana’s orders like their own kind of trained animals.
“Yelena, I want you to do everything Talia does with Blu. Talia, please go slow enough for Yelena to follow.”
Talia motions to a line in one of the free paddocks and leads the two pairs through a sequence of “sit,” “stay,” and “here” exercises while progressively moving back to create more and more distance between women and animals. You and Blu nail it with flying colors, then work through a series of heeling. When the test is finished, Talia warmly praises Blu, who goes flying in the air in one enthusiastic jump, then settles down. Yelena looks down at you; you blink back. She puts a warm palm on the back of your neck, stroking her fingers, and murmurs, “good cub.” You shiver and let out a happy chuff of air as you look back down to the yard.
Nothing goes unobserved with Oksana, and she raises an eyebrow. She clears her throat, “Yelena, I’m going to ask for the leash now and a little trust.”
Yelena nods and hands her your lead. You look back and forth between the two women. Yelena makes a motion to Oksana, and you move to the older woman’s side, understanding where Yelena wants you. Oksana unbuckles your muzzle. “When I give the mark, I will say four commands: watch, attack, out, and heel. I’ll say them loudly and wait some seconds before saying the next command. Please observe.”
You hear heavy footsteps and cut your eyes to the man in a padded suit lumbering towards the group. When he gets in range for Oksana, she calls, “Now, Grigor.”
Oksana calls out to you, “Watch!”
You feel yourself transforming into a barking mess. The first growl ripping from your chest. You pull at the leash, rearing up and using your feet to grind into the dirt, propelling yourself forward in a lunge. You are yanked back down while you are in the air. You use the leash tethering to guide you to the ground at an angle then you leverage your landing to pull Oksana roughly forward.
Oksana grunts, “Attack!” The lead releases, so you run full-tilt up to the man and sink your teeth into the padded sleeve of his arm. Your grip is tight, feeling good in your jaw. With a few yanks of your head, you judge that you cannot rip the arm from the socket, so you barrel into him, crouching low and knocking him to the ground in the take-down. Now, you have him.
It’s at that moment that Oksana yells, “OUT! …HEEL!” Hearing the commands, you instantly let go and ran back to Oksana’s side, your breath coming hard and tongue rolling out in enthusiasm. Slobber runs down your chin as you look from Oksana to the prone man and back again. You would like another shot.
Oksana says a quick thank you to Grigor, and he gets up, jogging out of the arena, looking back now and again to ensure that you were holding your stay.
Oksana laughs incredulously, “Yelena, Grigor does not play the easy decoy, and that was the fastest I’ve ever seen him felled. How much would you want for this one?”
Yelena looks over in surprise. “Ah…?”
Oksana quickly recovers from her excitement. “You mentioned that Alexei is going to pick them up on Monday. I respectfully request that I be allowed to make an offer.”
Yelena nods absently. “Yes, of course, Oksana. I would hear you. Are they that valued?”
Oksana offers a quick nod of her head. “Yes. Exact obedience, power, and instinct are usually only captured through years and years of dedication. To have such a gift… forgive me if I’m not shy in my wish to possess it.”
Yelena holds out her hand to take back your leash. Once she has it, she grips her fist so tight that her knuckles go white. You move back to her and drop your head down to give a soft lick to her boot in comfort that you don’t think she notices. “Well, I cannot hate the hustle.”
Oksana chuckles and looks down at you, “Very good. What am I to call them?”
“Well, they very much look like a Bear, but I have been calling them ‘cub.’”
Oksana smiles softly. “Bear is just fine for now. Keep your pet name. When Melina accesses their implants, their registration should be there.”
Yelena’s face twists briefly before sliding back into her usual neutrality. “I don’t plan on contacting my mother with this issue.”
“No?” Oksana looks curious, then cuts any questions at the root. Too many questions about family matters were not welcome. “Okay. Let’s go inside and grab something warm to drink and discuss how to minimize any… throat-ripping this weekend.”
####
You lay comfortably at Yelena’s feet as she accepts the teacup from Oksana, who settles down in the chair across from the couch. “Bear is very good inside. No nerves. Just relaxed and ready.”
Yelena hums, pleased. She reaches down to stroke the sensitive area below your ear and behind your jaw. More shivers run through you, and you try to lick her hand.
Oksana watches. “I believe they’ve been trained for protection rather than a strict guard dog. This training allows for a lot more flexibility with who they come in contact. Protection dogs can be kept in the house and are safer when children are present.”
“Mmm. So, less of a ticking time bomb?”
Oksana smiles. “Well, they are still human K9s — the probability of an attack is never zero. With those bruises on their ribs, I encourage you to go slow. Here at the center, we take in human K9s that have been neglected or abused. For those we can recondition, we train to be therapy and service animals to do good work all over the country. It’s very tough at times. It’s hard to see them struggle, but ultimately, the wins are so rewarding. No animal — human, hybrid, or otherwise — should have a life of suffering.”
Yelena nods, feeling the weight of Oksana’s good work. After a moment, she asks, “Would you have any advice?”
Oksana chuckles. “Many years worth. For now, I would concentrate on two things — bonding and boundaries.
“First, bonding. Sharing your personal space and hand-feeding are two ways to strengthen the bonds of trust. Also, having conversations. It might sound silly initially, but HK9s like it if you talk to them. Studies using MRI technology have shown that they do possess a cursory understanding of language. So holding that one-way conversation with your pup deepens your connection. Here, we do a lot of reading out loud to calm our anxious new arrivals.”
“Second, I would encourage you to attend to boundaries. Many pet owners confuse caring for their animals with treating them like babies. They discourage their pets from certain inherent behaviors such as sniffing anything, running, searching, swimming, and other behaviors. In these situations, we are not caring for our pet friends but preventing them from their own nature. The prey-drive instinct is much stronger in certain HK9s and may cause problems for inexperienced unwary owners if mishandled. This is a partnership, and for it to work, you should allow the dog to be a dog.
“Ultimately, know that dogs live in the moment. Your bond will grow immeasurably when you consistently show that you understand their needs and are there to care for them.”
“Now, enough. I don’t want to overwhelm you, and I have something I would like to give you as a gift.” Oksana excuses herself from the room for a moment and then walks back with a wooden wicker basket. She tilts the top open revealing a pile of pet toys. “This is for you.”
Yelena lofts a blonde eyebrow. “For me.”
Oksana grins. “Yes, this is your toy. Bear gets to play with it, but only at your discretion. It should be used as a reward, not just for lying about the house.”
Yelena looks in the basket, intrigued. “Can I let them pick? It might be a higher return if I knew which motivated them.”
“Now, you are thinking like a handler! Yes, let them choose.”
Yelena calls, “Cub, here.” You stand up, incredibly curious about what is in the basket. Your eyes go wide when you see all of the multi-color toys. Yelena encourages you to select one by motioning with an open hand. It only takes you a moment to go for the rope with the squishy hippo, but you switch to the bright green tennis ball at the last second. Your eyes grow excited about the noise it makes when you squeeze your teeth around it to pull it from the pile.
Yelena grimaces. “A squeaker? Really, Oksana?” You open your jaws slowly as the toy let’s a long, tortured moan. Oksana laughs warmly.
Yelena stands, and you rise naturally with her. “Yelena? When you decide to keep them, I want to see your ass in puppy class.”
“I thought they were talented?” Yelena asked, playing like she was mildly offended.
“Oh, yes, Bear is. We’ll just need to train you as a handler.”
Yelena laughs and rolls her eyes. The two embrace, each holding the other tightly for a brief moment with eyes closed. Yelena exhales with a smile and then looks at the older woman. “If I keep them, you can bet your ass that I will be the best.”
The two embrace, each holding the other tightly for a brief moment with eyes closed. The good feelings continue to roll off Yelena, maybe tinged with a light annoyance. Yelena exhales with a smile and turns to leave, asking Oksana to relay her goodbyes to Talia.
You follow, glued to Yelena’s side, happily squeaking your new ball the whole way to the car.
#dark!yelena belova#dark!yelena belova x reader#dark!yelena#security measures#grey!yelena#scarlettwlw#widow au
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hello, I've seen you Star Trek posting a lot and I've gotten curious.
Hypothetically speaking someone wants to watch it where does one start?? What do you suggest?
o hi there!!! so technically you can start whenever you want - some series reference previous series a bit more than others but if youre sticking with 80s-2000s trek it doesnt make a big difference (new trek such as discovery, strange new worlds, lower decks..... its a whole other ball game you really need context)
so now its rly all about the vibes you want!!
2009 movies: a LOT of new trek enjoyers got into the series through these ones - theres only 3 movies and their pacing is p much like most modern media so theyre easy to consume. more actiony than the rest of star trek. they are gonna have people like kirk and spock and bones etc
ToS (the original series): the OG! what started it all! this is the technical START of the series but its got really slow pacing so it might be harder to get through. this is THEE epitomy of submarine warfare but we love it. makes up for it by silly 60s shoestring budget, sass, COLOUR, and the most iconic charas in star trek (kirk, spock, bones, uhura, scotty - its a great time!)
TNG (the next generation): another really good place to start the series (this was my start as a kiddo) essentially this is the trek most people think of and sets the vibe. good pacing, consistent story, more modern graphics, and provides most of the worldbuilding for the whole series. the vibe here is mostly diplomacy > action but dw we still got silly scifi happenings. this will have picard, riker, worf, data, etc
ds9 (deep space 9): tumblr's darling child. the MOST gay and chaotic out of any of the treks - its insane how good (and bad) it can get. this has some carryover from tng but doesnt effect the story at large. a drawback for most people is its based on one spacestation so theres little to no exploring which is the bread and butter of star trek - it makes up for it by delving deeply into the alien races that live nearby instead of having them The Alien of the Week and never talking about it again. big themes of Imperialism/resistance/spirituality which is just Chefs Kiss. has characters like sisko, julien, garak, dax, kira, obrien, quark/odo, worf again
Voy (voyager): ever wonder what these ships are like in a crisis situation? ever think "wow star treks idealism would be hard to hold up without support and safety?" WELCOME TO STAR TREK: SURVIVOR. ship gets stranded hundreds of years from home and has to make the long journey back with little resources, allies, and a stedily degrading ship and crew. VOY weirdly has a bad rep but its v good and i just chalk that up to weird nerd sexism about the first female captain (Janeway my beloved). ofc it has its ups and downs like EVERY star trek series. crew becomes very much like a found family and theres tons of exploring since everything is new and exciting! has people like Janeway, Chakotay, Tuvok, Seven of Nine
ENT (enterprise): we've had a LOT of starships called Enterprise but this is the first! this predates the federation which is the defining theme of star trek in general. it heavily leans into a low tech astronaut feeling instead of scifi science magic. got canceled when it was just getting good and i really think its worth a watch. has people like Archer, T'pol, hoshi, Shran
TLDR
tos: Classique 60s hijinks
tng: diplomats in space but cool
ds9: chaotic gays in space
voy: oh god everything wants to eat us
ent: ASTRONAUTS SPACE IS COOL!!!!!
star trek itself is really a love letter to life, humanity, and the possibilities of space - i grew up watching it and its really been one of the most impactful medias of my life. if you do try it i hope you enjoy it and have fun!
#how bad are the brainworms showing? pretty bad right#if you want more specifics or more help pls send me an ask again im happy to help out!!#star trek#arco talks#ds9#tos#tng#voy#ent
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Well, looking back yesterday on my little Lorre in Vienna adventures : I can understand why Lorre’s last registered residence (i.e the place I visited yesterday) was in the Fischerstiege; it’s a hop-skip away from the Kammerspiele theatre where he acted. The Kammerspiele was delightful, but also a very modest theatre. This is how it looks on the outside:
It now has an impressively modern looking marquee, but that still can’t hide the fact that it’s a hole in the wall in a tiny cul-de-sac. You go in, you drop off your coat, and there’s the theatre. It only has the one space. That’s probably why it’s called Kammerspiele and not Josefstadt Theater or something like that - it’s one room (‘kammer’) and nothing more. It’s hard to imagine anyone playing there to become a Hollywood star!!
Anyways, the play was an adaptation of Charlie Chaplin’s The Great Dictator and it was delightful. The main actor had studied Chaplin’s mannerisms to a T, which was fun but could sometimes be a little annoying. The famous speech at the end was very sluggish and because it was in German, I found it a little boring. There were fun hijinks and very fun low-tech solutions for scene transitions like painted panels on wheels that the actors themselves moved around, or the play starting off with actors coming out of a suitcase in the front of the stage.
Another feature of the kammerspiele is that the theatre has a very clear group of 8 regular actors that perform every time. Interestingly enough this group has only one actress!
Finally, we come to Peter Lorre. Was there a trace of him there? Unfortunately no. They don’t have a commemorative plaque or billboard of famous actors that started their careers at the kammerspiele. A malicious little voice in my head says that perhaps Lorre was the only actor of that troupe that made it big! I would have liked to have gone backstage and see if perhaps actors of old have left behind grafitti while they were waiting for their stage call, but I’m still too much of a coward and a social misfit to ask downright such a thing, so perhaps a next time!
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Power Types in Fandoms
I was up in the middle of the night arguing with my ceiling about fictional characters, Death Battle style, and decided to make a ❗rudimentary❗ list, from weakest to strongest Power Types. Because it's a gradient, each progressively higher power type can (and often does) contain the abilities of lower types.
⚔🤖💉🤺🤰🧜♂️🔮👽
⚔ Standard Fighters
OP warriors with maxed out skills, but main character plot armor saves them from outrageous situations
Conan the Barbarian, Tuxedo Mask (Sailor Moon), Link (Zelda), Yujiro Hanma (Baki), Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Robin Hood, Odysseus (Greek mythology), Xena Warrior Princess, etc
🤖 Tech/Mech Warriors
Fight with technology; but caught slipping butt naked with ZERO gear (wifi signal, power generator, fancy gadgets/weapons, power suits, etc) and they don't stand a chance without hax/plot armor
Low Level tech (borderline realistic/futuristic gear)
Ratchet & Clank, Doom Guy (Doom), Master Chief (Halo), Batman, Power Rangers, etc
High Level tech (science & magic blur)
Gundam, Xenosaga, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Iron Man, Guts (Berserk), Sailor Moon, Perseus (Greek mythology), etc
💉 Roid Rage
Ate/drank something, or got bit/injected/dunked/exposed to something out in nature or in a lab--scientific, biological, or magical-- that permanently altered their bodies, genes, & abilities. Often "immortal/indestructible," depending on the universe.
Scientific (Lab Accidents/Hijinks/Procedures)
Frankenstein*, The Powerpuff Girls, S.H.I.E.L.D. (Black Widow, Hawkeye, etc), Captain America, The Hulk, The Flash, Harley Quinn (& The Joker, kinda), Dr Manhattan (Watchmen), Dr Robotnik (Sonic), TMNT, etc
Biological (technically Scientific, sure)
Spider Man, Morbius, Poison Ivy, Witchers (Geralt of Rivia), etc
Magical/Supernatural (technically Biological?)
Black Panther, Luffy (One Piece), Aquaman*, Achilles (Greek mythology), Danny Phantom, Werewolves*, Titans (Attack on Titan), Homunculi (Wrath & Greed, Full Metal Alchemist), Sephiroth (Final Fantasy)
🤺 Androids/Cyborgs
Deliberately created part man, part tech/mech. Can be/look more or less "human," or barely at all. (More or less "immortal/indestructible," depending.). "Science" & magic blur.
Androids (Dragonball), Wolverine, Dororo, Sekiro, Robocop, Bionic Woman, The Terminator, Frankenstein*, Homunculus (FMA), The Borg (Star Trek), Darth Vader, etc
🤰Mutations
Born to regular human parents, but with unexpected supernatural abilities and/or appearance. These abilities are random AF and their power can fluctuate wildly depending on the character/universe.
Mutants (X-Men), Killer Croc (Batman), Namor (Black Panther), Aquaman*, etc
🧜♂️ Hybrids
Born to at least one (1) human parent, but with unexpected supernatural abilities and/or appearance. The non-human parent can make their abilities fluctuate wildly, depending on the character/universe.
Animal/Creature Hybrid
Centaurs, Minotaurs, etc (Greek mythology), werewolves*, etc
Magical Race Hybrid (Low Level--dwarves, elves, sorcerers, etc)
Luke Skywalker, etc
Magical Race Hybrid (High Level--undead, spirits, gods/demons, aliens, etc)
- 1/2 vampire Dhampirs: Blade, Alucard (Castlevania, Helsing), etc
- 1/2 demon Cambions, yokai, etc: Abe no Seimei, Merlin, Inuyasha, etc
- 1/2 god Demigods: Hercules (Greek mythology), Gilgamesh (Mesopotamian mythology), Sailor Pluto (Sailor Moon), Kratos & Atreus (God of War), etc
🔮 Magicians
(Human) magic users who can either manipulate the senses, control spirits and/or the elements, bend/break the laws of nature (gravity, matter, shapeshifting, physics, space, time, etc), or all of the above. Includes: magicians, mages/sages, witches, wizards, sorcerers, mediums, psychics, hypnotists, exorcists, ghost hunters, etc. (Depending on the universe, these terms might be used interchangeably, or only for specific types of abilities.)
Manipulate the senses
Hypnotists -- (Naruto (low level ninjas))
Control/commune with spirits/demons (and/or the elements)
Exorcists, mediums, psychics, witches, etc -- (John Constantine, Van Helsing, Talamasca & Mayfairs (Anne Rice), etc)
Control the elements & bend/break the laws of nature
Dovahkin (Skyrim), Benders (TLAB), Alchemists (FMA), etc
All of the Above
Harry Potter (witches/wizards), The Avatar (TLAB), Jedi (Star Wars), Naruto (high level ninjas), Onmyoji (Shintoism), Cultivators (xianxia), etc
👽 Extraterrestrials
Transcendent beings not of this world/planet, terrestrial plane, or dimension. Are not subject to Earthly laws of nature (gravity, matter, shapeshifting, physics, space, time, etc)--e.g.: many alien races are physically much stronger than humans because their planet's gravity is heavier, etc. Depending on the type of world, being, character, or universe, their abilities can fluctuate wildly.
Aliens
The Doctor(s) (Doctor Who)
Vulcans, Romulans, Klingons, oh my~! (Star Trek)
Saiyans (Dragonball)
Kryptonians (Superman, Zod, etc)
Spirits/Undead
Undead: Zombies, Ghosts, Vampires, etc
Fae:* fairies, elves, goblins (Labyrinth), giants, kitsune, etc (depends on the lore)
Angels/Demons
Fae* (depends on the lore/mythos/religion)
Demons/Yokai, etc: Hellboy, Darkness (Legend), Sesshomaru (Inuyasha), etc
Djinn/Genies* (depends on the lore)
Shinigami: (Bleach, Black Butler, Death Note, Yu Yu Hakusho, etc)
Angels: (Constantine, Good Omens, Maiar (LOTR), etc)
Gods
Q (Star Trek), Chthulu (Lovecraft), Majin Buu (Dragonball)
Dragons (depends on the lore/mythos/religion)
Fae* (depends on the lore/mythos/religion)
Sun Wukong (Journey to the West)
Zeus (Greek mythology), Amaterasu & Susa No O & Izanagi & Izanami etc (Japanese mythology), Odin & Thor & Loki (Marvel/Norse mythology), etc
👽🔮🧜♂️🤰🤺💉🤖⚔
Again, this is just a rudimentary list of characters/fandoms off the top of my head; and I'm sleep deprived. I likely forgot a lot of powerups, retcons, AUs, and more--oops.
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OCs and WIPs Masterlist
Here's every WIP, original and otherwise, I've got running right now. I've got older projects I may dig up someday and gods know I'll come up with more, so I'll add/subtract as things change.
Help me stay motivated! Feel free to ask anytime about any of these projects, characters, or fics!
Current fics:
Becoming is Unbecoming (IHNMAIMS, 9/? chapters)-- jelly!Ted finds the other survivors. Mostly hurt/comfort.
Sympathy for the Devil (IHNMAIMS, 1/? chapters)--AM gets trapped in Ted's head after the events of the game. Hurt/Comfort, angst, slow recovery, character exploration.
Original Stories:
Wyatt and Malcolm, aka the Oriaz Crew-- fantasy world with undead demon-slayers and the strange things they fight. The grumpy one is friends with the sunshine one. Found family out the wazoo.
Reid and Leif-- sci-fi fighter pilot rebelling against the system in the name of his lost brother. Technopathy and brain-to-brain interfacing. Political rebellion, global war, some aliens maybe.
Lenny-- a young tech nerd gets swept up in an Illuminati-esque organization fighting a supergenius who makes cyborgs. Body horror, found family, lots of violence and gore, spy-type stuff.
Mordred and Valiant-- an outlaw alchemist and a failed succubus both find out they're "special." The second closest thing to romance I'll ever write. Fantasy, gore, some religious critique, possibly sex.
Delphi, Shiloh, and Nestor-- in a post-WWIII world, mutants made for combat are finding other ways to survive. The closest thing to romance I'll ever write. Exploration of abusive relationships, sci-fi, a touch of noir, spy stuff, gay sex.
Shit I think about but never write:
Leander and Calleo-- what happens when the "chosen one" loses to the baddies; a world-ending demon is trapped in his long-suffering vessel, hijinks ensue.
Jason Liakos-- the son of a famous geneticist is legally claimed by the organization his dad made for having patented combat genes. Technically my first novel, not that I ever actually wrote it.
Tilion/Elijah and Autumn-- a dragonslayer from the past is transported to a future where dragons and humans coexist.
Mark and Jared-- a young mage discovers his place in an urban fantasy and finds himself, not proudly, the low man on the pole beside his hyper-powerful friends. YA-ish.
Cyrus-- manmade monster combat is everyone's favorite gladiator sport until someone enters a mostly-human combatant. Gore, body horror, poorly-written political intrigue.
Vaalik plots-- shapeshifting aliens invade earth. There are, like, three different plots that run through this concept at different points in the story. October is an amnesiac soldier that befriends an alien; London is part of the cleanup crew in the early days of the truce; Dez, Russ, and Kat run control on the results of mutating alien diseases.
Tom, Rich, and Basil-- three teenage boys on a crazy fun frat-boy adventure to expunge the demon from Tom's body. Not actually as fun as it sounds.
#fanfiction#my writing#ocs#my ocs#masterlist#pinned post#anyway ask me about my shit sometime#someday I'll return the favor#someday...
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A Hulkeye scene from chapter 8 of Low-tech Hijinks, the domestic Avengers beach vacation fic. ♥ Clint thinks he's still just "in danger of" sunburning in this scene. XD
#hulkeye#clint/bruce#marvel#avengers earth's mightiest heroes#clint barton#bruce banner#hawkeye#hulk#beach vacation#fanfic#low-tech hijinks#a marvelous beach trip#ice-cream sandwich#freckles#sunburn#threshie#couyfish#threshasketch
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Could you please make a list of the most comforting and/or funniest CSI episodes?
hey, @coping-via-clint-eastwood!
these episodes are just my personal choices; your mileage may vary.
obviously, i tend to skew toward episodes with gsr in them. i also don’t mind the occasional serious note in my comfort episodes.
1. episode 02x05 "scuba doobie-doo" (comfort)
cases: scuba diver up a tree, missing body at the apartment complex
this is episode has some comedy, some romance, and some interesting problem-solving and deduction. the cases involved aren’t too heavy—or at least aren’t presented in a heavy way—and the stakes are relatively low all around. all in all, just good, classic csi with some excellent gsr, including the famous “chalk” face-touching scene. one of those episodes that reminds me why i love this show so much.
2. episode 02x16 "primum non nocere" (comfort)
cases: hockey homicide, overdosed musician
while the case nick and warrick investigate is, admittedly, a bit on the somber side, overall, i would still call this a comfort episode. obviously, the high point here is the gsr (“since i met you”), but there’s also some great friendship moments between nick and warrick, sara and greg, and grissom and catherine. the cases de jour are both interesting, and there’s excellent dialogue throughout. one of those episodes i find myself returning to again and again.
3. episode 05x23 "iced" (comfort)
cases: asphyxiated co-eds, missing corpse, crop circle killing
a good, mostly lighthearted episode with three interesting cases. while grissom is scarce, the other team members all get chances to shine, as does ecklie in one of his more likable and comical turns. sara and greg blowing up a dorm room toilet together is memorable, as is grissom teasing ecklie about his (rusty) field skills. low drama, high cute factor all around. a good episode to watch when you’re looking for something entertaining and generally upbeat.
4. 06x21 "rashomama" (humor)
cases: mother-of-the-groom mob hit, grand theft auto (victim: nick stokes)
my favorite comedy episode of the series—and honestly just one of my favorite episodes period. it’s got it all: hilarious guest stars, delightful running gags (“you’d think she’d know better than to wear white on the bride’s big day”), memorable visuals, inspired character work, etc. while each csi’s version of events is funny in its own way, greg’s is a standout. there’s also a smattering of gsr if you know where to look. csi at its comedic best. can’t recommend it highly enough.
5. 07x20 "lab rats" (humor)
cases: rehashing the saga of the miniature killer, grissom and doc vs. the rat
this episode takes the minor characters of csi and makes them the main characters for a day to excellent results. not only do hodges and his crew of lab rats have a delightful repartee, but there are also top tier tongue-in-cheek moments and fun hijinks throughout. you can really tell that the actors, both main and minor cast, had a blast filming this one. hands down one of my favorite clips episodes of any show ever—and especially because it actually advances the plot.
6. 07x21 "ending happy" (humor)
case: the multiple homicides of happy morales
another one of my favorite comedy episodes and favorite episodes overall. shout out to some of the funniest guest stars in csi history and to a premise that doesn’t take itself too seriously at all. in addition to being laugh-out-loud funny in places (“do i look like paula abdul to you?”), there’s also some peak gsr romance. i’ve been watching this episode for years, and it still makes me smile every time.
7. 08x08 "you kill me" (humor)
a well-needed palate cleanser after the sorrow that is episode 08x07 “goodbye & good luck,” this episode takes its cues from episode 07x20 “lab rats” before it. once again, the interactions between hodges and his fellow techs delight, as do the many fourth wall-breaking meta moments we see as they play their game.
hope you enjoy!
thanks for the question! feel welcome to send another any time.
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So. You want to watch Enterprise but you've heard it's largely terrible. Here's some good news: I actually really like Enterprise and I have strong opinions on the episodes and I'm giving them to you for free
Green- generally considered to be good
Orange- I personally like it but it's not stellar/I think it's underrated
Red- It's terrible but it makes me laugh
Season 1
(edit) Broken Bow- 1x01: Its the pilot you should probably watch it. Does a very good job establishing the characters and the general (horny) vibe
Strange New World- 1x03: the first of many "uh oh something is making a member/members of the crew act oddly" but I really like this for the first half of the episode because it's something so unique to Enterprise and you can really feel the enthusiasm for exploring this place where humans haven't gone before and you can see how things are different because there isn't things like a fully reliable transporter yet
The Andorian Incident- 1x06: trip and archer visit a Vulcan monastery and hijinks ensues but more importantly it's the first appearance of Shran!!! Famously brought the Andorians back into star trek and it also shows the Vulcans for the shady bitches they can sometimes (usually) be
Breaking the Ice- 1x07: the gang finds a big ole comet. this isn't a great episode but there are a lot of cute little character moments I really love including Travis and Malcolm making a snow Vulcan
Shadows of P'Jem- 1x14: Archer and T'Pol get kidnapped and proceed to refuse to have any romantic chemistry whatsoever. But who cares because it's a Shran episode!!
Shuttlepod One- 1x15: Trip and Malcolm get stranded in shuttlepod One with slowly dwindling resources. Not beloved by critics but the fans sure go wild.
Rogue Planet- 1x17: Archer romances a shapeshifting space slug
Acquisition- 1x18: this is just a fun episode. basically the Ferengi take over the enterprise and it's up to Trip to save the day in his underwear. A lot of people rag on it for causing continuity errors to which i say fuck you man star trek is full of continuity errors and this one isn't that bad.
Detained- 1x20: Archer and Travis get held in a detention center with several Suliban and the gang learns that racism is bad. Also, a quantum leap reunion
Vox Sola- 1x21: space jizz teaches trip and a random crewmen the highs and lows of water polo. Also, an underrated T'poshi episode
Two Days and Two Nights- Enterprise's first and only Risa episode and my god is it horny. Hoshi gets laid though good for her
Season 2
Carbon Creek- 2x02: T'Pol tells a story about her grandmother living on earth in the 1940s and Jolene Blalock gets to wear some real fucking clothes. Good fun, solid emotional beats, and the chronologically first Vulcan and human romance.
Minefield- 2x03: the ship goes into an alien minefield. Not the most creative name but a very tense episode AND the first real appearance of the Romulans
Deadstop- 2x04: an unofficial part two to minefield where a heavily damaged Enterprise comes across a high tech station that will repair it for a relatively low price... or is it? A delightful little romp and if you're into trip/malcolm this ones for you
A Night in Sickbay- 2x05: Archer is a fucking asshole in this episode but also his entire dream sequence and the end scene kills me dead
Marauders- 2x06: it's a magnificent seven reference in space with some great outfits. It's not life changing but it's harmless fun.
Dawn- 2x13: It's like Darmok but if Picard and that alien dude started beating the absolute shit out of each other and Picard was steadily stripping throughout the episode and I love it
Cease Fire- 2x15: Shran is back and bluer than ever baby! Another good look at the Vulcan/Andorian conflict and Jeffrey Combs gives it his all
Horizon- 2x20: the only episode of Enterprise to be Travis Mayweather centric and it's not mind blowingly good but we have to support our boy
Regeneration- 2x23: Enterprise's Borg episode that ties up a couple of plot holes from First Contact and has a fantastic score by Brian Tyler. Largely considered to have made the Borg scary again
First Flight- 2x24: Tells the story of the first flight of the warp two engine and the origin story of archer and trips friendship. Good old wholesome fun
Season 3
Impulse- 3x05: Enterprise does its own take on a zombie movie but with Vulcans. Need I say more.
Twilight- 3x08: Archer gets a space disease that makes it so he's incapable of making new memories and results in 50 first dates in hell. Gives a look at what will happen if the Enterprise fails to stop the Xindi weapon and T'Pol gets to wear the uniform
North Star- 3x09: Cowboy episode! Cowboy episode! Cowboy episode!
Similitude- 3x10: Trip gets severely injured and Phlox and Archer decide to grow a rapidly aging clone to save his life. This is a heavy one folks but I think the casting for the various young Trips is a particular stand out.
Carpenter Street- 3x11: Archer and T'Pol have time travel shenanigans including stealing a car and robbing an ATM. Lots of horror movie references for some reason.
Proving Ground- 3x13: Shran shows up out of nowhere in the expanse but does he have ulterior motives??? Yes. It's a Shran episode those are always good
Stratagem- 3x14: Archer, like many captains before him, finally gets his theater kid episode where he gets the act his little heart out in a stupid elaborate plan to trick Degra into telling him where the Xindi are building the weapon
Damage- 3x19: the ship is stranded without a warp drive and the only way to acquire one is to rob another ship. Holy shit does this episode get dark but I does present a good moral dilemma
E^2- 3x21: the Enterprise comes across an Enterprise that was sent into the past and that is staffed entirely by their decedents. It's a bit of filler episode but generally beloved by fans
The Council/Countdown/Zero Hour- 2x22-2x24: a pretty kick ass three part season finale that does uphold the Star Trek idea of trying to solve problems through diplomacy with some pretty good space fights. Very suspenseful and these were the episodes that made me understand why people thought Enterprise could actually be good
Season 4
(edit) Home- 4x03: the episode where everyone looks at the last year and realized that they might be traumatized. A good and necessary cool down ep after the xindi arc and sets the show up to be a bit more hopeful, a lot of good moments between characters
Borderland/Cold Station 12/The Augments- 4x04-4x06: Brent Spiner is back baby and they are going to milk him for all he's worth. I don't personally think these episodes are great but they're action packed and adds a ton to the lore
The Forge/Awakening/Kir'Shara- 4x07-4x09: this post is entirely my opinions so I'm going to say this is the best of all of the trilogies and probably the best Enterprise ever got. This trilogy has everything: shran, surak, t'pau, a shit ton of lore that explains how enterprise vulcans become tos/tng vulcans.
Observer Effect- 4x11: Hoshi and Trip are infected by a mysterious virus while non corporeal aliens posses various members of the crew to watch them. Great Hoshi moments in this one and a great tie in to the original series. My personal favorite episode
Babel One/United/The Aenar- 4x12-4x14: I don't want to spoil anything because there are a couple of great twists in this but it's another Shran episode baby!! It does lead to the first big step to the founding of the federation.
Affliction/Divergence- 4x15-4x16: Phlox gets kidnapped by Klingons and the gang goes on a man hunt to find him. Finally fleshed out Reeds backstory in an interesting way. Divergence has the best action scene in all of Enterprise with the crossing the tether scene imo. Continues the tradition of tying up loose ends from tos that no one really needed an answer to but it does it in a really interesting way.
In a Mirror, Darkly part 1 and 2- 4x18-4x19: season four is the season where they were desperately trying to tie into other, better star treks and it works for them. These are currently the only episodes to take place entirely in the mirror universe with mirror universe characters and if you hate faith of the heart than I have some good news for you. You can tell all the actors are having a great time chewing the scenery and it's some good old fashioned fun
Demons/Terra Prime- 4x20-4x21: nothing but respect for MY Enterprise series finale. In all seriousness this actually does a pretty good job of rapping up the show and giving every character a moment to shine. Fantastic performance by everyone but especially Jolene Blalock and Connor Trinneer.
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Low-Tech Hijinks: A Marvelous Beach Trip
Chapter 14: Stoggers and Shark
When the Avengers go on a low-tech beach vacation getaway (with Spidey in tow), matchmaking the unsuspecting Iron Man and Captain America becomes a team-building exercise.
Rated Teen, 68,507k, Stony, Hulkeye, Marvel Red Team, Background Thorki, Pre-DevilSpideyPool, Domestic Avengers, Meddling, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Light Angst, Fluff And Humor, Steve Rogers and Tony Stark Need To Use Actual Words, Bad Matchmaking, Mutual Pining, Genderfluid Loki, Snarky Human Disaster Clint Barton, Unscarred Wade Wilson, Teen Peter Parker, Unrequited Love
The 14th and final chapter is here on AO3!
#marvel#fanfic#stony#hulkeye#thorki#devilspideypool#marvel red team#earth's mightiest heroes#emh#avengers#deadpool#daredevil#spider-man#spidey#iron man#captain america#hulk#hawkeye#thor odinson#loki laufeyson#clint/bruce#clint barton#bruce banner#tony stark#steve rogers#peter parker#wade wilson#matt murdock#couyfish#threshie
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I'm thinking Penny will survive this Volume, since killing off a character, bringing them back, and then killing them off again would be a weird move - or at the very least, if she does die, I think that Pietro would sacrifice himself to revive her one last time :(
But anyway, assuming that one way or another Penny comes out the other side of this alive, (regardless of any detours taken on the way) I hope she joins RWBYQORNJ full-time. And since the next logical place to go would be Vacuo, (and then my money's on returning to Vale after that for the final showdown) I feel like that could lead to some interesting angst.
Cinder's broadcast all the way back in Volume 3 cast a lot of doubt on the motive for creating a convincingly human android, and according to WoR, Vacuo already has a distrust of Atlas and Atlesian tech, so Penny trying to pass for a normal human to avoid suspicion and hate from the locals could make for some compelling angsty drama, (and/or some funny hijinks) and also give her some points of connection with Blake. (Plus, the added bonus of getting a natural way to discuss Faunus discrimination and the Neo-White-Fang some more, as per my post from last week)
I love her relationship with Ruby (friendship or gay, but let's be honest here, it's totally gay) and this would also be a chance to do more with that, but I also would love to see her interact more with the rest of the team. I remember she and Weiss were low-key on speaking terms in Volume 2 and 3 too, so that would be nice to see rekindled and allowed to develop some more too! And idunno how she'd relate to Yang, but I'm sure there are options there too!
I'd also like Ciel and the Malachite Twins to come back, but that's way more of a pipe dream, lol
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Ice Cream and Fire Oven Pizza - Chapter 20
Pairing: Elsa x Lea/Axel || Side Pairing: Riku x OC
Summary: Modern AU. She's an introvert ball of nerves who works at Ice Palace, a mall food court ice cream shop. He's the outgoing, sassy goofball who works at the Pizza Planet across the way. Hilarity, snark, and fluffy romcom hijinks ensue.
Word Count: 10,096
FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER
Credit for super friggin’ cute and super friggin’ amazing cover art goes to the super friggin’ talented ky-jane here on tumblr!
Turns out once you've smooched a guy on the nose, things like holding his hand and other such minor displays of affection no longer seem so daunting.
Sure, even as I reached for his hand now, some small amount of mental self-cheerleading was still required in order to work myself up to it. And okay, the tiny flutter in my chest when my fingers brushed against his almost had me pulling back faster than you could say 'emotion-phobia.' But I didn't. And hey, this was way more than I could have brought myself to do even just a few short days ago. This was kind of huge for me, so I think I'd earned the right to take a little pride in my headway so far. Who knew, I just might pull off my half of this whole pretend dating deal yet.
Lea glanced down at my touch. Then he grinned, pulling my hand up to press a soft kiss to the back of it before setting it back down on the dinner table, his thumb trailing light circles along my knuckles. Picking right back up where he'd left off in the conversation, he said, "Oh yeah, GUMMI ships got all sorts of badass tech going on now, the likes of which would put both Star Trek and Star Wars to shame. Super, ultra, mega-laser cannons, impenetrable force fields, swarms of nanobots that can repair any and all damage just like that," he snapped his fingers. Lea then planted an elbow on the table and leaned forward to add in a conspiratorial whisper, "They even have defense systems in the form of giant, exploding space duckies."
Saïx gave him a flat look from where he sat on the other side of the table from us. "Not true."
"Sure it is!" Lea chirped, straightening back up in his chair. "I mean, how else are they gonna fight all those aliens out there?"
Propping my cheek in my free palm, I cocked an eyebrow at him as I felt an upward tug at one corner of my lips. "Aliens? As in little green men?"
"No, no, that'd just be silly," he waved off with a scoff. "As in lil shadow men. Creepy bastards with big, yellow eyes and twitchy antennae." Still holding my hand, he brought both of his own up to either side of his head, miming said antennae with his index fingers.
Closing his eyes, Saïx gave a low sigh into his wine glass. "Also not true."
Lea shrugged, "Oh sure, they're not all like that. There was that blue one they found over in Hawaii, what was its code name again… Experiment 626? Yeah, the government got that one covered up real fast. And don't even get me started on the total dreadnought that is Schwarzgeist lurking out there somewhere in the night sky that absolutely obliterated the USS Endymion."
"The sheer amount of not true you are spouting off right now is positively staggering," Saïx deadpanned, eyelids drooping as he dabbed his napkin to his mouth. "You really need to stop staying up late every night reading all those conspiracy theories out there on the internet."
Lips curling into an evil smirk, Lea said, "But how else am I gonna royally piss you off so much?"
That earned him a small scowl from his brother.
This was basically it. The whole evening in a nutshell from the moment I'd stepped foot into Lea's apartment. Like me, it seemed that Saïx was not much of a talker, at least not amongst strangers. Unlike me however, it appeared to have less to do with social anxiety and more like he just plain wasn't a fan of the whole talking thing and so only did it when he deemed it absolutely necessary. Which I could totally respect. It was just that between the two of us, it had a tendency to leave a bit of a void in the conversation every now and then. Luckily, it was void that Lea was only too happy to fill.
Saïx had been the one to cook dinner. It seemed that that was part of the breakdown of chores in their living arrangement: he usually handled supper while breakfast was Lea's job. Saïx and I had already emptied our plates by now while Lea was still working on his, seeing as how he was otherwise preoccupied with talking a mile a minute. The meal had been a very nice chicken bruschetta pasta paired with a red wine from a fancy looking bottle. The latter I'd thought to be a bit of an odd choice, as I didn't picture Lea being much of a wine drinker. But there he was, sipping away at it, pinkie raised as he did so for an added bit of flair. I guess he just wasn't picky and would drink whatever was put in front of him. I, on the other hand, had decided not to partake. Would rather keep a clear head during this bit of subterfuge we were playing out in front of Saïx.
The point was, there was wine. And wine equaled a wine tipsy Lea. And a wine tipsy Lea, as I was discovering, equaled a chatty Lea. The boy was already chatty to begin with, but this was an all new level. This was chatty on steroids. Needless to say, he was having no trouble whatsoever keeping the conversation rolling.
"Why are we even discussing the GUMMI space program again?" Saïx asked in his bored monotone.
Lea drove his fork down into his pasta, twirling it around. "You know you're always a total slut for outer space, man. The moon and constellations and all that crap is your jam."
"Yes, but our guest," he gestured towards me, "might not find the topic nearly so interesting."
Trailing a finger along the rim of my still full wine glass, I said, "Actually, I've been fascinated by the research their lead mechanical scientist Cid Highwind has been doing in the field of warping technology. With his help, it might not be long before our ships can travel to other solar systems."
Both men just blinked silently at me for a moment.
What? So I liked to keep up on current events by reading a news article every now and again online. It really was not a big deal.
Saïx was the one to speak up first. "Yes. It's said Highwind is hoping to have a working prototype in less than five years."
Do my eyes deceive me? Was that the hint of a smile ghosting over Saïx's mouth?
Oh wow, I think I'd managed to score some points.
...not that it mattered, of course. Since this was only a fake relationship, after all, so getting in the brother's good graces didn't really mean all that much to me. Not one bit. Nope.
Nuzzling his nose to my ear, Lea beamed, "Hell yeah! My baby knows shit!"
"More than you do at least," Saïx sniffed blandly.
Expression relaxing into a sly grin now, he shot back, "I know enough to know about an astral sea monster whose sheer mass is gargantuan enough to blot out the very sun, the terror of the cosmos, eater of spacecrafts and destroyer of worlds, the dreaded galactic space whale," he paused for dramatic effect before splaying a hand out before him as he intoned in hushed reverence, "...Monstro."
Saïx grumbled under his breath and facepalmed.
"By my count, that's the eighth time he's done that tonight," Lea stage whispered to me. "Just five more and I'll have beat my all-time record."
I gave a low hum of amusement. "I suppose it's important to have goals in life."
He snorted, returning his attention to his food as he scooped a forkful into his mouth. I noticed that he'd incidentally stained one side of his lips in the process and I had a brief flashback to a familiar scene of Sora and Kairi. Of the pair of them sitting in the food court and Kairi kissing away a similarly located blotch on her boyfriend. Now that right there had been a seriously advanced dating technique and one I was in no way ready to try out myself. You kidding me? I was still very much a beginner here and the very idea of trying to pull off such a maneuver already had my ears turning pink. That said, a newbie like me still had some options, especially with my newfound ability to make the first move and actually touch my (fake) boyfriend without completely spazzing out.
I tucked in my lower lip, hesitating briefly as my pulse thudded a little more loudly against my eardrums. But then I slowly lifted my hand.
Lea visibly stiffened as he felt my thumb brush at the corner of his mouth, wiping the smudge away. As I began to retract my arm however, he dropped his fork to snatch my wrist and stop me. I arched an eyebrow at him. He smiled back with hooded eyes. Then he gently tugged my thumb up to his lips and licked the sauce off it.
Breath hitching, I yanked my hand free of his grasp. His smile just turned smug as he winked at me.
Apparently, Wine Tipsy Lea had even less boundaries than usual.
As I wiped my thumb with a napkin and ducked my head to hide my boiling cheeks, I heard Saïx mutter, "One has to wonder what a woman of your obvious intelligence and sophistication even sees in an asinine clown such as my brother."
"Well let me think about it," Lea's eyes danced as he folded his hands together, steepling his index fingers so the joined tips touched his mouth. "Perhaps it's my devilish charm and debonair good looks?"
"Oh come now," he said cooly with another sip of his wine, "if you're going to be making things up, you should attempt to make them at least halfway credible."
"He makes me laugh," I suddenly heard myself saying. As both pairs of eyes turned towards me, I immediately felt self-conscious. I mean seriously, what a stupid, cliché thing to say. But that didn't make it any less true, any less… meaningful. I wasn't someone who laughed a lot. In fact, before I'd run out on my wedding, I could probably count the number of times I'd laughed in the last year on one hand.
Fidgeting with my fingers, I pushed forward, "He's sweet… and thoughtful. And genuine. He's not afraid to be himself. And because of that, I find it easier to be… myself... around him." Another thing that did not come easy to me.
As Lea slipped an arm around my shoulders so he could pull me closer and plant a swift peck to my temple, Saïx gave a soft harrumph, "Well, I guess there's no accounting for taste."
"Psst, Saïx," Lea lowered his voice, bending forward over the table and cupping a hand to his mouth. "The moon landing was faked."
With a heavy sigh through his nose, he merely rose from his chair and started gathering the plates and silverware together. As he reached for mine, I protested, "No, that's okay, I can take care of it."
"You're the guest," he said simply as he swiped it up in one smooth motion.
"Best not argue, otherwise he might unleash his berserker wrath on you," Lea sniggered to me. However, when Saïx next took his plate away (still with food on it), he snapped, "Hey! I wasn't done with that!"
"Then you should have eaten faster," he responded dryly.
He stuck his tongue out at him. "Oh yeah? Well the earth is flat." As Saïx turned towards the kitchen, the plates stacked in his hand "accidentally" smacked into Lea's forehead, forcing a small grunt out of him.
I hid a grin behind my hand as Lea pressed his fingertips to the fresh sore spot with a soft tch. Then he downed the rest of his wine as he stood up himself, gathering the other glasses between his fingers on one hand while balling up napkins together in the other. He looked at me, face brightening, "Why don'tcha go on and take a seat in the living room. I'll join ya after I finish helping Saïx clean up."
"Alright," I nodded. He used a hand (the one stuffed full of napkins) to pull my seat out as I stood and gave him a tiny smile before moving past him. Reaching the blue sofa, I moved some of its mismatched pillows to clear a space and took a seat on the far end, tugging the hem of my dress down to cover my knees as I listened to the sound of running water and clinking dishware coming from the kitchen.
I didn't have to wait long before the boys were rejoining me. Lea came bounding over first, plopping himself unceremoniously down onto the couch with me.
Leaving one whole cushion space between us.
I furrowed my brow over at him. However, I did not have to wonder for long at his unexpected seating choice.
For next thing I knew, he'd flopped over onto his side and was using my lap as a makeshift pillow.
My eyes widened and I jolted, one hand going to my chest. His cheek nestled against my leg as one hand went to my knee, his thumb tracing lightly along its top curve over the fabric. "Mmm… you're comfy!" he sighed contentedly.
It was official. Wine Tipsy Lea had absolutely zero boundaries.
Halfway into taking a seat into a maroon armchair to our right, Saïx stopped. Then he straightened back up to his full height with a tired, drawn-out huff. "Perhaps some coffee would be in order."
I gradually relaxed, my eyes crinkling as I glanced down at Lea with a resigned smile. He was like a kitten cuddling into my lap. A really big kitten. I half expected him to start purring. "Perhaps that might be for the best," I murmured in agreement.
My eyes lifted long enough to follow Saïx as he made his way back over towards their kitchen, long blue hair swaying behind him as he went. When I looked back down, I realized with a tiny start that one of my hands had taken it upon itself to start lightly stroking Lea's hair.
Huh. How did that cheeky little devil get there?
I should stop.
But it was just so very... soft. Softer than I remembered. So soft that it felt like I was doing something wrong, something… forbidden by daring to touch it.
...okay, I really, really needed to stop.
...ten seconds. Just ten more measly, innocent seconds, then I'd stop.
There was a low, pleased hum in Lea's throat as my fingers continued to slowly run through his fiery locks. Then he rolled over onto his back, capturing my hand with his to press a gentle kiss into my palm. It tickled and my heart stuttered as I felt a familiar heat creeping up my neck. He... did know Saïx was no longer nearby to witness this little production he was putting on... right? Then again, maybe Lea was too far gone by now to realize his brother had left the room and so was still on boyfriend autopilot. Cradling my hand to his chest just over his heart, his other came up to start fiddling with the end of my braid from where it hung forward over my shoulder as he grinned up at me. "Wanna know?"
My head tipped to one side, "...know what?"
"You said what you see in me, so now it's my turn. Wanna know what I see in you?"
I blinked at him. Then my eyes briefly flicked over to Saïx just beyond the island counter where he was filling a coffee maker with water. Could he hear us all the way over there? Hopefully… this might be good for show. With a low snort, I planted my elbow on the armrest next to me, propping my cheek against my knuckles as I dropped my gaze back to Lea. "Sure, why not? Go for it."
This should be good.
His grin twitched wider. "You're kooky."
...well I certainly wasn't disappointed.
Though that wasn't quite the word I would have expected out of him. In fact, not the word I would have ever expected out of anyone when used to describe me.
One of my eyebrows quirked. "I'm… kooky?"
He nodded, "Mm-hm! Most people don't know it, but it's there. Way, way deep down in here," he tapped a finger to a spot just below my collarbone before going back to toying with my braid. "Ya try to keep it hidden. Don't like people seeing that side of you for some reason. But I've caught glimpses of it. I like it. Makes me feel like I'm in on a secret no one else is. And you're fun. Hella smart, too. And so goddamn pretty."
"That so?" I muttered, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.
Wine Tipsy Lea was laying it on a bit thick.
Still… I was smiling despite myself.
"And that. Right there," he tapped a finger to my lips. "Your smile is gorgeous. Was the first thing about you that had me head over heels. I love being the one to put it there. Love being the one that can make you laugh."
Did I say a bit thick? Try instead a lot thick. Too thick. Like two metric tons too thick. Jeez, perhaps I'd be better off hoping Saïx couldn't actually hear all this. Even he might think it a bit too much to be believable.
Lea's eyes softened as he continued to stare up at me, his hand shifting over from my mouth to lightly graze his curled fingers against my cheek, leaving tiny tingles in their wake. "...I wish we were real."
Insert record screech.
E-E-Excuse me?!
My heart stopped. Like legit full on stopped. There were at least three full seconds there where if a medical examiner had checked my pulse, they would have probably declared me dead.
Lea froze, his whole body locking up. His eyes grew round and his face blanched, his expression now a perfect mirror of what I imagined my own must have looked like in that exact moment as he seemingly and immediately realized his mistake.
Now I definitely hoped Saïx couldn't overhear us! There seemed to be no reaction from over in the kitchen beyond the sound of water beginning to boil. Which was good. Maybe our cover wasn't blown and-
...and so not the point right now! The point was… was…
Ex-friggin'-scuse me?!
Wish we were real? What did that even mean? Real what? Did he mean that he wanted… that he wished he and I… that we were a… an actual, honest to god coupl-
No! No, I must have misheard. Yeah, that had to be it! He hadn't said… er… what I thought he'd said. No, what he'd probably actually said was, uh… was he wished we were… seals. Yeah, that's probably what it was! Seals were neat! And… and cute! I wouldn't blame him for wanting to be one, especially in his less than totally sober state! Or… or… he could have said that he… he fished… for Neil. Who was Neil, one might wonder? Got me! But you know what? Good for Lea, helping his ol' pal Neil out with fishing like that. Nice guy, that Lea. Such a giver, such a-
"TORS!" Lea suddenly shouted, practically making me jump out of my skin as he shot up off my lap and scooted all the way over to sit at the opposite end of the couch. He had a hand clasped over his nose and mouth, doing a poor job of hiding his reddened (wine flushed?) face. "Realtors! I wish we were realtors, is what I was trying to say!" he hastily clarified, shooting a weak chuckle my way.
I stared at him blankly.
Wha…? Realtors…?
Apparently, he wasn't done. "Yeah! You know, one of those power couples you hear about all the time! Partners in everything, from romance to real estate! That's some real lovey-dovey crap right there, don'tcha think? The epitome of passion! The sappiest dream to ever sap! The-"
"What inanity are you babbling on about now?" Saïx returned, causing me for the second time in as many minutes to nearly die of cardiac arrest. He was carrying two steaming mugs, one in each hand.
"Nothing! Not a damn thing! Nope! Total nonsense!" Lea said quickly, snatching up one of the cups and rapidly blowing on the coffee a couple times before knocking back the whole thing in one go. He pulled the cup away from his lips with a wince, probably suffering from a tongue that was now at least mildly burnt. Then he plastered on a grin, "You know how I get when I'm lost in the sauce, man. I start rambling off total bullshit that I don't even mean. Never. Mm-mm, nope, not one bit! Every word of it? Total garbage. Yup! Heh…"
I flinched back from the second warm mug that was suddenly being offered me. I'd barely had a chance to hold up my hand and shake my head before Lea was grabbing that one too, handling this one with smaller, more cautious sips.
...realtors.
Huh.
Okay, sure, why not?
Not like it was any crazier than any of the other explanations I'd come up with myself. Especially when you considered Lea was more than a little buzzed. People said nonsensical things all the time while under the influence. I'd know, I'd seen Anna in a state of three sheets to the wind on more than one occasion. You should have heard half the things she'd blathered on about at the time… adventures through magical winter wonderlands, talking snowmen, singing rock people, whole castles made of-
Shoot, Saïx was talking to me. Or rather, had been talking to me for a while and now seemed to be expecting some sort of reply. Still a little rattled, I scrounged together a flimsy but polite smile, "I'm sorry, what was that?"
One thin eyebrow arched ever so slightly at me as he cradled a fuming mug between his hands. Apparently he'd gone back at some point to get one for himself as well. "...I heard you were present during one of my sleepwalking episodes a couple weeks back. I hope I didn't give you too much of a fright."
"Oh! No! No, it's-" I got distracted as I felt Lea gingerly inching back over to sit beside me. Probably trying to salvage some semblance of the relationship pretense. However, his affections had become somewhat subdued, restricted now to only resting an arm along the sofa cushions behind my head and his knee brushing against mine as he continued to nurse the coffee. Regathering my train of thought, I tried again, "It's, uh… it's alright. Not your fault. Nor was I bothered by it at all. Just had to stay out of your way, is all."
"Still I-"
"Ya know what?" Lea suddenly piped up, plonking the now empty mug down onto the coffee table right next to the first one. "Sorry guys, but I think we gotta call it an early night! I'm beat! And I mean woof! Dog-tired!"
My eyebrows knit together as I glanced over at him. "...but you just chugged two full cups of coffee."
...what are you doing, you fool, shut up! He was probably trying to rescue us by putting a merciful end to what, as of the last five minutes, had officially become one royal disaster of an evening!
He bat a hand through the air, "That? Please, that was just to help sober my drunk ass up! Trust me, caffeine doesn't do jackshit to me when it comes to staying awake."
Saïx's mouth had settled into a flat line as his green gaze shifted back and forth between Lea and me. "Very well," he said finally, closing his eyes as he raised his cup to his lips, "I presume my noise canceling headphones will be a necessity while I work tonight."
I frowned. "Noise canceling…?"
Lea cleared his throat and gave a sheepish chuckle while scratching a spot behind his ear. "He, uh… thinks you're spending the night."
"Oh…" I said slowly before his words had a chance to fully sink in. Then they did. "Oh!" I repeated more loudly, eyes widening as I rocketed up to my feet, "You mean sex!"
...what the actual frick, mouth?!
"Which is a thing!" Apparently, I was only getting started. Panic mode was in full effect now. "A thing d-dating couples do! Which… which we are! Dating, that is. And a couple! Can't, uh… can't forget that part." Dear lord, where's a gag when you need one? "Which, I don't know w-why you would. Because clearly we're a couple. Yup! That's us!" Yeesh, at least when Lea had been yammering off nonsense, he'd had wine coursing through his veins. What was my excuse? "A couple! A couple who, ah…" Oh no. "...who have, er…" Don't you say it. Don't you dare say it. "...who have sex!"
I winced.
Just shoot me. Shoot me now.
"Oh yeah, lots and lots of it!" Oh great. There was more. "All the time! In all s-sorts of, um… places. My room. His room. Oh look," I pointed both my hands towards Lea's door, "there's his room now!" Make an excuse to leave. Any excuse. " I think we'll go in there now and make with all the sex!" Not that excuse! Pause, followed by tiny, nervous laughter from me. "Yup."
Then before I knew it, I'd bolted into said room, door crashing shut behind me. I pressed my back to it, clutching both hands to my mouth as I hyperventilated and trembled, eyes huge and unblinking as I stared off into space, registering absolutely zilch of what was in front of me now.
What.
Did.
I.
Just.
Do?!
You know what, cheeks? I won't even try and stop you this time. You go right on ahead and blush your nonexistent little hearts out. Fry my face to a friggin' crisp, for all I care. I won't judge. You have every right after… that. Whatever the heck that even was just now!
Oh gosh, had I really just gone on and on about, hrm… intimate relations? In front of Lea's brother? That... had to be... the most spectacular case of anxiety-induced word vomit to date from me yet! What was wrong with me? Who does that? No, seriously, I demand answers this instant, what in the everliving-
A soft knock at the door made me yelp and jump away, whipping around to face it, heart trying to jackhammer its way out of my chest. I was greeted by my own frazzled reflection staring back at me from the full-length mirror hanging there. My face could have been mistaken for a ripe, oversized tomato.
"...El?" Lea's muffled voice came through from the other side. "You might've, uh… kinda forgot something."
A crease formed between my eyebrows. Forgot something? No, I don't think so. I glanced down at myself, hands patting over my dress. Phone in pocket? Check. Shoes on feet? Check. No purse, I hadn't used one tonight. No coat, I'd thought it too warm out for it. My gaze settled on the door once more, eyes scrunching. "What did I forget?"
"...me?"
Oh.
Fudge.
After that, ah… stirring speech I'd just given out there a moment ago, it would certainly help drive the point home if I had him in here with me, wouldn't it?
After all, it took two to, ahem... tango.
As I reached a hand towards the doorknob, I realized I hadn't even locked it. Lea must have only been knocking to be considerate. A consideration I greatly appreciated, especially when you take into account that this was in fact his room that I'd taken sanctuary in. Taking a deep breath and expelling it slowly in one last ditch effort to calm my nerves, my still shaking fingers closed around the knob and twisted.
I cracked the door ajar about an inch, just barely enough for me to peek one eye through. Arms crossed and one shoulder propped against the doorframe, Lea tilted his head with a tiny smile, "Hey."
My gaze fell to my feet for a moment before flicking back up to meet his. "...hi."
"Can I come in?"
I hesitated for another heartbeat then nodded, pulling the door open further and taking a couple steps back. He turned his head to one side, calling out a quick, "Night, man!" to Saïx before walking in and closing the door.
Ah, awkward silence. Ye hath returned. Never could stay away from me for long, could you?
"So…" I hugged myself and decided to get into a staring contest with the floor. "...think he likes me?"
Lea snerked, folding one arm behind his back, hand hooking his opposite elbow as he leaned back against the mirror hanging from his door. "You kidding? He adores you. Practically ready to call ya sister-in-law."
I attempted a smile. It came across as more of a grimace. "Even after I was… all…"
"...smooth and cool as a cucumber?" he supplied, his voice chipper. "Absolutely! And you said you couldn't lie," he teased. "You handled that one like a total pro!"
...oh. Wow, he was right. Not about the "pro" part, obviously, but that I had lied. For the first time since this whole charade started, I'd told a straight out, bald-faced lie. It had been a monumental failure, to be sure, but hey… we all had to start somewhere. Guess I had to take my silver linings wherever I could.
"Gah, I should have just made up some sort of… of excuse or something." I started pacing slowly, eyes still downcast as I brought one hand up to chew on my thumbnail. "Said I couldn't stay because I had an opening shift tomorrow."
He shook his head, "Saïx knows you work at the mall with me, so he also knows I woulda happily driven ya over from here, even at the crack of dawn."
Frowning, I tried again, "Well then, I could have said that… ah! That you had an early test tomorrow so I shouldn't be keeping you up late!"
"Nah, he knows me too well," he smirked, waggling his eyebrows. "Knows I'd never let a lil thing like that stop me."
I blinked. Then I buried my face in my hands with a groan. "Oh god, I can never face him again. Not after that." Dragging my palms down to peek out between my fingers, I grumbled, "I'm guessing it's safe to assume he's retracted his 'woman of obvious intelligence and sophistication' comment." Ha. Showed what Saïx knew.
Shrugging one shoulder, he laughed, "I wouldn't worry 'bout it too much. Just another side of your kookiness that I mentioned earlier. 'Sides, he knows what a nervous, jumpy creature you are."
Up quirked one eyebrow. "...he does?"
"Well, he does now."
...fair point.
One that did not make me feel better.
"And look at the bright side," Lea continued. "It's good this happened here rather than in front of your folks! Now you'll be better prepared to handle it the next time it comes up."
My lips twisted sourly, "I guess so." As bad as this already was, it would have spelled utter disaster if that little freakout had occurred during the upcoming weekend with my parents. We're talking one epic catastrophe here, like meteor-taking-out-the-dinosaurs kind of catastrophe. Then again, I didn't particularly see this exact set of circumstances arising while I was around my family. Still… best to be on the safe side. I wrinkled my brow, "Better prepared… how?"
"Ah, well…" he pursed his lips to one side, tapping a finger against his other arm. "For starters… and I'm just spitballing here, but next time you could maybe just, ya know… not say the word sex repeatedly? If at all? I'm thinking this is 'less is more' kinda situation."
"...good call."
"Heh," he paused, rubbing his shoulder. "So... looks like we're bunkmates."
I lowered my gaze once more and brought my curled fingers up to my mouth, covering my deepening frown. "Yeah… looks like…"
I wish we were real.
Gah, why was I still even thinking about that?! Lea had already explained it, hadn't he? Realtors. The word he had actually said, had been in the middle of saying, was realtors. It was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just the ramblings of a guy who'd had a little too much to drink. Why was I still stuck on this?
My face must have been an open book. "Listen, I… meant what I said earlier," he spoke abruptly and my eyes darted up to lock on his. He averted his gaze and scratched his cheek, "You can't take anything I say too seriously when I've been drinking. Often my brain is just stringing random words together and spitting out the first arbitrary bullshit it can come up with. Like a toddler that's just learned to talk, regurgitating words it doesn't even understand just cuz it heard it from someone else at some point. Half the time, the things I say when I'm liquored up don't even make any sense." His eyes settled on me once more, this time accompanied by a weak smile. "So just don't be too… concerned about any gibberish that came blurting outta my stupid drunk mouth, 'kay? And you won't hear another peep of it tonight. Those two coffees are kicking in fast, so I'm much more clear headed now."
I tugged at my braid before folding my arms tightly together once more. "...okay."
And now onward to Act 1, Scene 2 of the award-winning and critically acclaimed musical: Awkward Silence.
"I have a lizard!"
My head rocked back at Lea's sudden declaration out of nowhere, both eyebrows shooting up my forehead. "...a lizard?"
He nodded eagerly, grinning big now. "Yeah! Wanna see? Come take a look!" He moved off to his left towards one corner of the room and for the first time I realized that there was a large glass terrarium situated on a long, low table in that spot. Lea squatted down next to it, waving me over to join him. I obliged and when I got close enough, he took hold of my hand and tugged me down into a crouch beside him. He squinted into the enclosure for a second, scanning all the rocks and plants inside before, "Ah-ha!" He pointed, tapping his finger against the glass, "There he is!"
And indeed, there he was, curled up inside a small, hollowed out log and blinking back at us. He was a tiny thing, all big eyes and blue skin except for the purple markings running down his back. "Oh wow," I slowly smiled, "you really do have a lizard. Why didn't you say anything last time I was here?"
"Cuz 'come into my bedroom so I can introduce you to my lizard' sounds a lil sketch, don'tcha think?" he chuckled, waggling his pointer finger up and down at his pet in greeting.
A soft snort. "Yeah, that might have earned you a dubious look." The critter crawled out into the open now, giving us a curious look. "Can I hold him?"
Lea flashed some dimple, "Course!" Straightening up, he moved the terrarium's lamps to one side before sliding out the lid and reaching inside, mumbling, "C'mere, Bruni." Picking the reptile up, he then offered him to me, "Now, the lil guy's usually shy at first but warms up quick and can be a bit of a flirt."
I stood as well, holding one hand out. Bruni cautiously put one stubby-toed foot on my fingers, eyeing me warily before fully walking the rest of the way into my palm. He was small enough to fit perfectly in it. Then he cocked his head up at me. I cocked mine back then hummed a low laugh, stroking a finger along the top of his head. That seemed to be all it took to win him over, for he then bellyflopped into a cuddle against my palm before rolling over onto his back.
"Bit of a flirt indeed," I murmured, rubbing his tummy with my fingertip. "What kind is he?"
"Salamander. Which, I know, technically not a lizard. But feels simpler most of the time just telling people that's what he is." He fell silent for a second, eyes crinkling as he watched us. Then he walked past me, saying, "Hey, welcome to my room by the way!"
I turned to face him and for the first time got a real good look at the place. If I had to pick one word to describe it, that word would be pandemonium.
Clothes were strewn about everywhere, covering floor and furniture alike - pretty much anywhere conceivable besides actually inside a dresser. Bookshelves stacked high with no rhyme or reason, textbooks next to movie DVDs (from action thriller to cornball classics) next to game CD cases next to vinyl records. Walls and ceiling plastered with posters, mostly of classic rock bands, but there was the occasional renegade: one here in which a dangerous looking man posed with an Assassin's Creed logo across the bottom, another one there depicting a grim reaper character dual-wielding sickles that looked to be from another video game of some sort. A queen-sized bed with black and red sheets buried beneath a mess of paper and more textbooks, along with a closed laptop and his shoulder bag tossed carelessly on top of it all.
And that was just barely scratching the chaotic surface. Needless to say, it was a lot to take in.
"Pardon the mess," he gave a rueful chuckle, scrambling to snatch clothes up off the carpet here and there to chuck into the laundry basket residing in his open closet, just under a black, full-length coat hanging from the rung in there. "Wasn't expecting any overnight visitors."
"It's, uh…" So many adjectives, so little time. As I searched for a word, I felt Bruni crawling up my sleeve. I kept an eye on him to make sure he didn't slip, but otherwise let him do his own thing. At last, I settled on, "...big."
"Yup! I got the masters! Comes complete with its own bathroom and everything," he jerked a thumb towards a second closed door on the other side of the room. By now, Bruni had found his way onto my shoulder and was snuggling into the crook of my neck. My fingers came up to pet along his spine. Narrowing his eyes on the salamander, Lea went on, "Surprisingly, Saïx prefers the smaller, cozier room. He's a minimalist, so not like he needs all that much space anyhow. Which works out for me, especially since I used to, er… heh, shall we say, host more sleepovers?"
I rolled my eyes and opened my mouth, but whatever I'd been about to say was forever lost.
For that's when Bruni did it.
He took the plunge.
Straight down into the neckline of my dress.
I yelped, arms crossing over my bosom. Lea's eyes widened, "Motherfu-" He lunged forward, hands outstretched before him like he had every intention of going down in there after Bruni. Then Lea froze, seemed to think better of it and instead folded his arms together, shoving his hands into his armpits as he looked away. "You, uh…" he cleared his throat, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye, "...you okay?"
"Yeah. Just tickles a bit," I wrinkled my nose, trying not to squirm as I felt the little guy climbing around against my chest. Thankfully, it wasn't long before he moved over to start making his way down my sleeve. I gave my arm a gentle shake to help speed his progress along and eventually he came tumbling out into my palm.
"Sorry 'bout that," Lea scooped him back out of my hand into his, using the other to ruffle his hair with a tiny, bashful smile. "I know I said he was a flirt, but he's never been this brazenly forward before."
Shaking my head with a snerk, I said, "It's fine, really. Don't worry about it."
Walking back over to the terrarium, he turned a scowl onto the salamander. "And what do you have to say for yourself, young man?" Bruni just answered with a lizard grin, flicking his tongue out to lick his own eyeball. "Smug lil shit," Lea grumbled, setting him back down inside his home.
One corner of my lips twitching up, I turned to take another look around his room. Despite Lea's hasty tidying up, his carpet was still a disaster zone of shirts and other garments. As I began to carefully navigate it, I asked, "So how are we doing this?"
"Doing…?" I could hear the frown in his voice.
I looked back at him. "Sleeping arrangements?"
"Oh! That's easy!" Having now set the lid and lamps back into their rightful places, Lea walked towards me with his grin resurfacing. "You get the bed, I'll take the floor."
My eyelids drooped. "You can't sleep on the floor, that's ridiculous. It's your room."
"Exactly!" he started clearing the papers up off his comforter, gathering them all together and tucking them away inside one of the textbooks. "It's my room, so I'll sleep wherever I want in it! And tonight, the floor's looking pretty damn good!"
I huffed. "Enough with the chivalry already. I'll sleep on the floor."
He picked up his laptop and made his way over to a large mound of clothes. Oh wait. There was a desk hiding under there, or so I realized as soon as he started shoving all the shirts and whatnot aside. Placing the laptop down on top of it, he then shrugged back at me, "Hey, if that'll make ya happy, more power to ya. Doesn't change the fact that I will not be taking my siesta in that bed tonight."
A low harrumph in my throat. "Fine."
"Fine," he agreed, now opposite the bed from me as he hung his bag from a wall hook there. Then he squinted one eye at me, "So it's settled then. We're both sleeping on the floor. Like the couple of rational, mature, grown-ass adults that we are. While the perfectly good bed goes to waste. Cuz that makes total sense."
I shot him a deadpan look. "Alright, fine then. Bruni gets the bed."
He slapped his forehead, dragging his hand down his face with an exasperated laugh. "C'mon, El, will you just take the bed please? I won't be able to fall asleep if I know you're just curled up on the floor."
"Sounds like not my problem," I crossed my arms with a smirk. Oh-ho, that's right. I could be stubborn when I wanted to be.
"Woman! Just take the freaking bed before I throw you in the damn thing!" both his hands gestured in mild annoyance at said bed.
Scoffing, I turned my head to one side. "Please, it's the twenty-first century, your neanderthal tactics won't work on me."
Green eyes flashing, he said in a low, even voice, "They will if I make good on 'em."
My gaze narrowed on him now. "You wouldn't dare."
He bent forward, fists planted on the mattress as he gave me a tiny glare across it. "Wanna bet?"
My legs turned traitor and defected, sitting me down on the bed so quick, you would have missed the motion if you'd blinked.
"There now," his face immediately lit up like the first rays of sunlight at dawn. "Was that so hard?"
I made a little hmph in my throat, tucking my legs beside me as I smoothed my dress over my knees with as much dignity as I could muster. "I'll have you know that I chose of my own free will to take the bed tonight and it had nothing to do with any thinly veiled threats that may or may not have been made on your part." I unzipped my ankle boots, letting them fall to the carpet below with a couple of heavy thuds. "I mean, I am the guest after all, it's only proper etiquette that I sleep in the bed. I'm just making sure you're adequately performing your role as the host."
A soft snerk came from his nose as he kicked off his own shoes and spread his arms wide to give me a mock bow, "Well, thank you, Miss Manners, I dunno what I'd ever do without you."
"You're welcome," I sniffed lightly. It was nice of him to let me have this. I then felt the bed quake beneath me as Lea flopped down beside me, stretching out comfortably and cushioning his head with his arms. I blinked down at him. "...I'm sorry, did that conversation just end differently than I thought it did?"
He raised an eyebrow at me, "Hm?"
"Thought you were taking the floor."
"I am, but that's not until lights out. Right now, we're just chilling!" he beamed. But then his expression relaxed and he propped himself up slightly on his elbows, cocking his head at me. "This is okay, right?"
"Er…" I glanced away, gnawing on my bottom lip.
Yeesh, I seriously needed to grow up. This wasn't a big deal. Like, at all. So what if we were sitting in the same bed? Nothing to freak out about. I mean, sure, I'd never shared a bed with a guy before, not even my ex. Come to think of it, I'd never even been in a boy's bedroom before. But hey, there was a first time for everything. This would be fine. I would be fine.
"...yeah, it's okay," I finally responded. He frowned, not looking convinced. I put on my best brave smile and managed a tiny laugh, "Really, it's fine." Or at least it would be once we stopped talking about it. Wanting to move the conversation along to something else, I searched my brain for a new topic. "So… you and Saïx…" I drew my knees up, hugging them to my chest, "...do you always mess with each other like that?"
"Oh yeah, all the time," he chuckled, settling back down into his pillow and folding one arm back behind his head. "Nothing says you care like making the other person's life a constant living hell!"
Settling my chin down onto my knees, I snorted. "Remind me never to let you care about me."
"Too late!" he chirped. My eyeroll belied the tiny cartwheel my stomach was doing. "'Sides, all siblings are like that. I'm sure you and Anna have terrorized the crap outta each other more times than you can even count."
"Well yeah," I turned my head to look over at him, resting my ear to my legs instead, "but that was way back when we were children. We grew out of it a long time ago."
Lea grinned cheekily, "Oh really? I seem to recall a certain someone chasing her sister 'round the living room trying to straight up murder her dead not hardly more than a week ago."
Wow, had that really only been just last week? It felt like eons ago by this point. A soft noise of contempt huffed out through my nose, "Don't exaggerate. I didn't try to murder her."
"How did it go again? ...ah, I believe your exact words to her were, and I quote, 'dip you in liquid nitrogen, snap every frozen limb off your body one by one, and then I'll kill you.' That about sum it up?"
I pursed my lips to the right, "...there were extenuating circumstances."
"Heh," he stared up at the ceiling, "if ya say so."
I lifted my head back up, my arms loosening somewhat around my legs as I considered my next words carefully. "About Saïx… can I ask what happened?" Lea glanced back at me quizzically and I clarified, "I mean with…" I tapped a finger to the bridge of my nose.
"Oh, his scar?" he rolled over onto his side towards me, bracing his head in one hand. "Old battle wound from our time in the foster system. Same shithead who let us two numbskull brats play with a chainsaw. Negligent and abusive. Real winning combo there, huh?"
"You mean a foster parent did that to him? On purpose? That's terrible," I breathed, looking horrified.
"S'okay," he gave a one-shouldered shrug, then smirked wickedly. "I retaliated by burning his house down."
My eyes widened, "Did you really?"
Lea sighed, "Unfortunately, no, but not for lack of trying. Only managed to set a bed ablaze and blacken a few curtains before the fire department showed up."
I stared at him blankly. "I am just... simply amazed that you survived long enough to make it to adulthood. Either of you."
He blew out an amused pft through his teeth. "Yeah, Saïx and I were definitely prime candidates for the Darwin Awards growing up. Told ya, we were lil hellions forged straight from the fiery pits of El Diablo. Hey, speaking of Ol' Bullseye over there..." he trailed off as he suddenly sat himself up.
"Bullseye?" I asked, arching an eyebrow his way while watching him fold his legs beneath himself so he could stand on his knees atop the mattress.
"Ya know. Mr. X-Marks-The-Spot," he tacked on by way of explanation, abruptly shoulder-slamming into the wall behind us just above his pillows and making me jolt.
...the heck?
"...you mean Saïx?" I furrowed my brow, wincing as he followed it up by crashing his elbow against the wall next. "Aren't those nicknames a bit… mean?" My question was punctuated with another loud thump.
Seriously, what on earth…?.
"Nah, he likes it." Whack! "Knows they're terms of endearment." Bang! "Only from me though. Anyone else ever even so much as thought about calling him anything like that, I'd make sure next time they turned up would be in a bodybag." Whump! "'Sides, you should hear half the shit he calls me, especially when he's royally ticked." Thwack! "This one time, he-"
"Wait. Hold it. Stop," I held up my hands, eyes flicking back and forth between him and the wall. "...what exactly is it that you are doing?"
"Huh?" he stilled, blinking at me a couple times. "Oh this?" his shoulder rammed into the surface once more. "This is the wall I share with Saïx's room."
...well okay then, sure, that totally and one hundred percent cleared up my utter confusion and lack of comprehension.
Not.
"Alright," I said, stretching the word out. "And so…?"
"So he's come to expect a certain level of enthusiasm on my part whenever I'm entertaining a lady friend," Lea winked and clicked his tongue before once again striking the wall.
"Oh?" I frowned down at my hands. Then it clicked with another louder, "Oh!" Followed by a slower, more quiet, "Oh…" Cheeks warming now, I looked back over at him, "You mean you… that is, against the wall, you've… oh." A pause while my eyes shifted about in my awkwardness. "But wouldn't the headboard get in the-" I stopped, glancing back over my shoulder and answering my own question. "Oh… oh, I see. No headboard. Got it. How very, er..." I cleared my throat and ducked my head to my knees, muffling into them, "...very practical."
I heard him snerk as the beating the wall was taking continued. "You're funny when you're flustered, ya know that?"
My face cranked up the heat dial even further and I scowled.
If you listened closely, the signs of a very steady, very distinct rhythm to the pounding could be heard beginning to take shape.
...I needed to stop listening so closely.
My eyebrows knit together as I then remembered something. "Wait… didn't Saïx say something about noise canceling headphones?"
"Well yeah, so he's not hearing any of this, but he can still see whenever any of the crap on his shelves or any framed pictures or anything else that might be up against his side o' the wall shakes from the impact," he shrugged, halting to puff out a noisy breath and wipe his forehead with the back of his hand. Apparently, he was working up a sweat. Then he grinned brightly, "This is actually kinda fun! Wanna have a go at it?"
I shot him a flat look. "...I think I'm good, thanks."
"You sure?" Another slam. "It's actually pretty satisfying. One might even say cathartic. Got any pent-up aggression you gotta work out?" And another, this one taking the form of a punch. He immediately regretted that one, eliciting a pained hiss as he shook out his now reddening fingers.
"Yeah, no," I rapidly shook my head, "no pent-up aggression here. Fresh out." Insert weak chuckle at my lame joke that was neither funny nor an actual joke.
"Suit yourself," he laughed, smacking the wall hard with an open palm this time. Then his back snapped straight and his face lit up, "Oh yeah! Before I forget…" he pivoted to his left, reaching into his messenger bag he'd hung up earlier and rooting around in it.
I snorted, "Done already?"
"Just giving that wall a breather," he said, not looking up from his searching. "We've found some other surface to bear the brunt of all our lovemaking for now, but we'll probably be back to this one later."
Oh gosh. Way to go, mouth, you just had to ask, didn't you? Just when my cheeks had begun settling down too.
"Ah! Found it!" he triumphantly pulled something out of the bag. Flopping back down to once more lay flat on the bed beside me, he held it out towards me, "Pour vous, ma petite amie jolie."
I squinted at the booklet in his hand. Or more precisely, a catalog. "Twilight University?" I read the bold lettering as I reached out to take it, staring at the image on the cover of a handful of young adults gathered around in a small circle of desks and looking photogenically excited about education.
"Yup! It's the course listings for next semester at my college. Lookie here," he opened the booklet up, leaving it propped in my hands as he started thumbing through it quickly. "Ah, there!" he stopped on a page, resting his head on my shoulder as he pointed to one of several listings that had been circled here. "They offer a few different introductory drama classes ya might be interested in."
I blinked down at the catalog as vague memories of a conversation I'd had with Lea last time I was here to help him study started coming back to me. "...you remembered?" I asked quietly.
"'Course!" I could feel his cheek pull into a smile against my shoulder. "It seemed important to you, so how could I forget?"
Honestly? I myself had forgotten. But to be fair, I had had a lot on my mind the past couple weeks, what with suddenly having a boyfriend now (pretend or otherwise), trying to figure out how to make a proper show of being a girlfriend, and stressing out over the all too soon to come visit with my parents. Frankly, my life had been turned upside down as of late and had become the very definition of insanity. There had just quite simply been no time to think about childhood fantasies of singing and performing in musicals.
But I guess… right here, right now in Lea's room, I had a bit of a reprieve. I mean, it's not like there was anything exactly pressing at this very moment, nothing that couldn't wait until tomorrow at least. I suppose I had a few seconds I could spare to entertain the thought. It couldn't hurt anything…
"...so where is Twilight University exactly?" I stretched my legs out to lay flat on the mattress, crossing my ankles and resting the open booklet down in my lap. "Is it close to my apartment?"
He hummed low in thought. "Probably a bit too far if you're on foot. But maybe we could carpool there. And hey," he lifted his head to glance over at me, "I still got a free elective course or two that I need to take. I could enroll in the class with ya!"
I felt a grin tugging at one corner of my lips as I looked back down at the catalog, absently trailing my fingers down one of the circled paragraphs. "I think I'd like that…"
"Yeah?" he asked softly and for a second I thought I might have sensed him leaning in a little closer. But it must have just been in my head, for now he was pulling away to flop over onto his back on his side of the bed once again, making a small cough into his fist. "I, uh… talked to my friends too. The ones who run the local community theater. You're in luck! They're between shows at the moment and are actually gonna be holding auditions soon for their next one. Sometime this week, I think. It's a musical too!"
"Really?" I returned my gaze to him, closing the booklet but using a finger to hold the page. A sigh then escaped me as I worried my bottom lip between my teeth, "I don't know… I doubt I'm ready for anything like that."
Lea shook his head with a chuckle, "Ready for what? Just to talk to 'em? It's not like you actually hafta audition or anything. Nah, you can just head down, meet them, get some deets… maybe find out the where and the when so you can go and just watch other people tryout, ya know? Just get a feel for it, if you want."
He made a good point. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious. I could go and just ask some questions, that's all. Surely, there would be no harm in that. "Maybe…"
"Well if you do decide you wanna drop in for a lil chat with them, their day job is over at Halloween Town in the mall. They should both be on the clock there around noon tomorrow. Ask for Jack or Sally and just tell 'em I sent ya," he jabbed a thumb into his chest with a big grin, "got it memorized?"
"Jack or Sally… okay," I nodded, responding with a small smile of my own. "I might do that. Thanks, Lea."
"Always happy to be of service! Now," he hopped up off the bed and made his way over to one of his shelves that was pure anarchy incarnate, "whaddya think? You up for a movie?"
The corners of my eyes crinkled and I set the catalog aside on the nightstand. "I could be. What are the options?"
He rubbed his chin, scrutinizing the mess crammed into the rack before pulling out a couple DVD cases, one from the top shelf and the other from somewhere in the middle. He held them up in either hand for me, "I'm thinking either Sixteen Candles or The Labyrinth. Thoughts?"
I looked between the two choices. Then my eyes scanned about the room and I frowned. "I'm thinking it's going to be hard to watch either of them without a TV."
"Without a-?" he blinked a couple times, looking over to his right. Then he sighed, "Hang on a sec," as he tossed the movies down onto the foot of the bed and made his way over to another towering pile of clothes against the wall directly across the room from his bed. "Watch and be amazed as I make a flat screen appear outta thin air in three… two…" he whipped the garments aside with a flourish, revealing the television beneath, "Ta-da!"
"Ah," I gave a polite clap and settled more comfortably down into his pillows, "I stand corrected. Though who needs movies when we have your amazing wizardry to keep us entertained?"
He scratched the back of his head, "Heh, it'd be a short magic show. 'Fraid I just got the one trick up my sleeve."
"Too bad." I paused, eyeing the DVD cases. "Make it a double feature?"
He snapped his fingers and snatched them both back up.
"Girl after my own heart. Pure genius."
Author's Note: Ah, yet another classic cliché for the books: our couple encounters one room, one bed for the night xD Also, fun fact: I started out this chapter stumped for what they should be talking about over dinner. Then I asked my bestie, who simply said: "gummi ships." And I just laughed it off at first, all "naw, that wouldn't make sense for this AU." But then it churned in my mind for a few minutes and I was like "wait… no… I think I can make this work…" And thus the Global Union for Multigalactic Mobility Investigation aka GUMMI Space Program aka NASA rip-off was born xD And further thus, Lea being an alien conspiracy-nut JUST for the sake of pissing of his space-loving half-bro was born xP Anyhoo! For those of you who haven't seen Frozen 2 yet (for shame, it's SO good, I demand you go out and watch it THIS INSTANT), Bruni the salamander is from that! He's a fire spirit in the movie with legit fire powers, so I got excited to give the fire boi a fire lizard for a pet! Also, maybe you can start to see the inklings of actual plot starting to sneak back into this story xD Slowly, we'll get back on course, but not before at least one more hijinks-y misadventure takes place… hehehe…
What does the next chapter hold in store for out couple? What new challenges could their budding fake relationship face? Is Elsa really going to pursue any sort of acting class or community theater? Will Lea ever follow his realtor aspirations he seemed so passionate about? Stay tuned!
Thanks for reading, I super duper appreciate it! And an extra BIG thank you to those of you who’ve liked, reblogged, and followed so far, seeing those lil notifications always brings the biggest, goofiest smile to my face!
FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER
#kingdom hearts#frozen#elsa#axel#fanfiction#lea#fanfic#kingdom hearts fanfiction#frozen fanfiction#kh fanfiction#kh fanfic#frozen fanfic#kingdom hearts fanfic#axelsa#fluff#romcom#slow burn#kh3#my writing#ice cream and fire oven pizza#rare pair#crossover pairing#humor#snark#fake dating au
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hey what's ur "heavenly bodies" tag about, ive been guessing at the theme for like weeks now and im stumped
oh heavenly bodies is a novel i’ve been working on! it’s about a post-nuclear war usa that’s low-tech and extremely religious, and the angels that fall from the heavens above them. what i mean by “angels” and “heavens” is... a spoiler, but if you really want to figure it out, i think the tag makes it obvious.
other wacky things within it include:
the main plot, which involves a 13 year old princess blackmailing 3 people into driving her to disneyworld in a 400 year old toyota corolla for brain surgery
wildly inaccurate archeology about the modern era
etymological hijinks, like how the words for “space” and “heaven” are the same word now due to the massive decline in technology
new york city growing to such terrifying proportions in spite of this that you can walk for hours in one direction and not leave the building
a lot of poison
the amish are a minor plot point bc i thought that them basically just being the same as ever in an otherwise absurd and radically changed landscape would be funny
an overall analogy for the loss of innocence that comes with learning that things are far more chaotic and unjust than it seems, and that the world will not get better simply as a function of its existence
i set out to try and explain Every Single Weird Thing that i saved for reference in that tag, but honestly this post would go on for miles if i did :D
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Cover art for @beingcouy’s and my domestic/meddling matchmaker Avengers fic, Low-Tech Hijinks! ♥ When the Avengers go on a low-tech beach vacation getaway (with Spidey in tow), matchmaking the unsuspecting Iron Man and Captain America becomes a team-building exercise.
#marvel#stony#avengers#emh#earth's mightiest heroes#stevetony#couyfish#threshie#hulkeye#thorki#devilspideypool
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BBB Week 17 Roundup! This week includes, amongst the awesomeness, the Round Robin fic we did for the BBB Discord Party!
Congratulations to Faustess, Raz, and Peach, who each won a token (fabulous art by Raz!) in the drawing for who attended the party.
Reminder that our late signups are OPEN, and we will be accepting badge claims until August 1st.
Now go give these participants some love!
Title: End Of All Days - Chapter 25: Epilogue
Collaborator: Minka
Link: AO3
Square Filled: B5 – Mercenary
Ship: Stucky
Rating: Mature
Major Tags: Descriptive violence
Summary: Captain Steve Rogers had thought his military days were behind him, left in the bloody nightmare that was Saigon. Retired and working as a History Professor, the last thing he expected was to get caught up in a cataclysmic Slavic prophesy foreshadowing the end of the known world. With Cold War tensions running high, Steve finds himself in need of a guide and translator to get him behind the Iron Curtain and into the isolated snowdrifts of Siberia. It’s deep in the heart of Bucharest’s resistance fighters that Steve finds the ideal candidate, but swaying the enigmatic ex-operative known as The Winter Soldier proves to be complicated. Trust is hard-won, especially in the world of espionage, and with a KGB death squad nipping at his heels, the Soldier has countless reasons to stay presumably dead. As the lines between right, wrong and the supernatural begin to blur, Steve is forced to reconsider everything he’s ever believed, right from the sanctity of his own country to the very foundations of creation itself.
Word Count: 116,780
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Title: Friday night and the lights are low - Chapter 7: Bucky/Loki
Collaborator: HeyBoy
Link: AO3
Square Filled: ?
Ship: Bucky/Loki
Rating: Teen
Major Tags: art
Summary: Bucky is a vet, recently back home and finally healed from his injury. In an effort to blow off some steam and meet new people, he hits the club every weekend. It turns out that this particular nightclub is also a favorite hangout for some local superheroes.
Word Count: 1408
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Title: Your Wrists
Collaborator: grimeysociety
Link: AO3
Square Filled: B1 - Begging
Ship: Bucky/Darcy
Rating: Explicit
Major Tags: PWP, Handcuffs, Rough Sex, Cunnilingus, Dom/sub Undertones
Summary: In the middle of moving Bucky into her apartment, Darcy finds his handcuffs in his bedroom drawer.
Word Count: 2594
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Title: Dragons of Brooklyn - Chapter 1
Collaborator: crazycatt71
Link: AO3
Square Filled: B1- shapeshifters
Ship: Stuckony
Rating: Explicit
Major Tags: explicit sexual content
Summary: Steve & Bucky are the Alpha mob bosses of the Dragons of Brooklyn. Tony is their Omega and secret genius partner who runs the business
lots of sex, some possessive behavior, and a little violence. In this chapter, dragon sex in the sky and teasing their Omega
Word Count:
------------------------------------------
Title: The Other Earth
Collaborator: fightingforcreativity
Link: Tumblr
Square Filled: K5 - Great Depression
Ship: WinterIronWidow
Rating: Mature
Major Tags: Amnesia, persumed dead, Family, mystical creatures, slight crack (later), bakery Au elements, mention of alcohol abuse
Summary: Bucky had a cat, had a job at a local bakery and some odd jobs here and there. At night, he would look in the sky, trying to figure out the constellations, seeing the stars differently than he faintly remembered. At the same time on one of those stars far away, a star named Earth, Tony Stark held his baby boy, whispering, “One day, you’ll know you’re the world.[…]”(will be updated when I do more for this)
Word Count: 368
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Title: Club Can’t Even Handle Me - Chapter 1
Collaborator: tisfan, 27dragons
Link: AO3
Squares Filled: 27dragons - K3: Undercover in a Gay Bar
tisfan - C3: free space
Ship: WinterIron
Rating: Mature
Major Tags: undercover, gay bar, dancing, flirting, sex, rushed sex, anal sex, semi-public sex, getting together
Summary: The Avengers have gone undercover to find a target who’s been frequenting clubs and bars. It’s probably just a coincidence that Bucky and Tony have been assigned to cover this bar, but that doesn’t make it any easier for Bucky to watch Tony flirting his way across the dance floor.
Word Count: 1880
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Title: Club Can’t Even Handle Me - Chapter 2
Collaborator: 27dragons, tisfan
Link: AO3
Squares Filled: 27dragons - K5: Kink - Rushed Sex
tisfan - B3: Kink - Harder
Ship: WinterIron
Rating: Explicit
Major Tags: undercover, gay bar, dancing, flirting, sex, rushed sex, anal sex, semi-public sex, getting together
Summary: The Avengers have gone undercover to find a target who’s been frequenting clubs and bars. It’s probably just a coincidence that Bucky and Tony have been assigned to cover this bar, but that doesn’t make it any easier for Bucky to watch Tony flirting his way across the dance floor.
Word Count: 3975
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Title: Somebody's been sleeping in MY bed
Collaborator: LBibliophile
Link: AO3
Squares Filled: B1 - Bed sharing [ficlet - 259 words]
Y5 - Bodysharing [image edit]
Ship: Bucky & Sam
Rating: Gen
Major Tags: bodyswap
Summary: First he notices that the temperature is wrong. Then he notices that the bed is wrong. Then, he notices that the problem is actually something rather more fundamental.
Word Count: 256
------------------------------------------
Title: For All the Days I Shall Live
Collaborator: tisfan
Link: Tumblr
Square Filled: C2 - Writing Style: Dialogue Only
Ship: WinterIron
Rating: Teen
Major Tags: none
Summary: Tony is tired of waiting. Bucky doesn’t have any objections. The rest of the Avengers… might.
Word Count: 431
------------------------------------------
Title: A Chance Encounter
Collaborator: pherryt
Link: AO3
Square Filled: B5 - Tell Me
Ship: WinterHawk
Rating: Gen
Major Tags: Post Winter Soldier, Canon Divergent
Summary: Clint's on a vacation against his will. Alone. What could go wrong?
Word Count: 7259
------------------------------------------
Title: It's That Easy
Collaborator: sarahbenial
Link: AO3
Square Filled: B2 - Flowers
Ship: Bucky/Darcy
Rating: Mature
Major Tags: Sexual content, Canon-typical violence, dissociation, suicidal thoughts
Summary: Bucky's been seeing Darcy, secretly, for seven months. Unbeknownst to him, she's been holding onto a secret of her own. Traumatic events lead to the truth being revealed sooner than she'd intended.
Word Count: 1721
------------------------------------------
Title: BBB Discord Party Round Robin
Collaborators: Rebelmeg, Fightingforcreativity, Ladydarkphoenix, Psychiccatpanda, Dreaminglypeach, Ibelieveinturtles, Liquidlightz, Menatiera
Link: AO3
Squares Filled: Rebelmeg: Y2 - tech support
LiquidLightz (LLightz): B3 - spa day
Menatiera: U4 - hot water
Dreaminglypeach: B1 - sharing body heat
Ladydarkphoenix: U5 - “Don’t touch him!”
Fightingforcreativity: B4 - Collateral Damage
Ibelieveinturtles: K2 - Whiplash
Ship: Stucky, hinted Stony or Stuckony, Pepperony, pre-FrostIron /FrostPepperony
Rating: Teen
Major Tags: round robin fic, dragon Steve, animal transformation, Loki shenanigans, cats, multiple ships, hijinks and shenanigans
Summary: To say that Bucky had been surprised when a FREAKING DRAGON showed up at the summer BBQ at his beach house would be an understatement. How should the ex assassin have anticipated a dragon, who seemed to have followed his cat to the BBQ? It didn’t seem to be dangerous as of yet seeing as the two were happily sharing potato salad. When Tony showed up late, he nudged Bucky, “Hey Buckaroo - I brought - WHOA! I didn’t know you had a… cat.” Sure, it’s the cat that surprises you, Bucky thought, but Tony was still talking a mile a minute around the cookie in his mouth, “So, anyway, I brought that- fuck, is he your window cleaner, he’s gorgeous!” “Window cleaning is just one of the many services I offer,” the dragon said swinging it’s head around to stare unblinking at Tony. Bucky jolts back and stares at the dragon as he recognises the sound of that voice, then quickly pulls his phone out to text Steve… “where exactly are you right now?” Steve doesn’t answer his phone, obviously, but a telltale notification sound pings from somewhere inside the dragon’s belly, audible through the slightly open mouth of the creature, and Bucky has to rub the base of his nose, muttering, “of fucking course you do this reveal to me after we’ve been sharing a bed for weeks.”
Word Count: 2330
------------------------------------------
Title: Soft
Collaborator: alwaysabrighterdarkness
Link: AO3
Square Filled: U2 - Touch Starvation
Ship: Stucky
Rating: Teen
Major Tags: Winter, Cold Weather, Touch-Starved, Cuddling
Summary: It hadn’t been long after he had been recovered from the Artic that Steve had developed a deep, aching craving for things that were soft and warm or, preferably, both. For a man who was born and then built for fighting, to be able to withstand so much of the world’s harshness, maybe that shouldn’t have come as so much of a surprise.
Word Count: 3352
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