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shreddedparchment · 2 years

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He Says He Loves Me

Wild Oats

12/23/2021

Pairing: Loki x Countess!Reader Word Count: 5,168

Regency AU

Warnings: smut, sexual situations, angst, prostitution, infidelity (eventually), fluff

A/N: This is my very first TRUE AU in which the characters will have no powers or ties to their MCU characterizations. This will be a Regency AU story with an arranged marriage focus. With this comes lots of drama. While the eventual cheating in this story will not be done in a mean way, there will be infidelity in the sense that Regency men usually slept around. This is a historical fiction where relationship standards will not be held to those of today. Please do not expect my characters to have politically correct behaviors as I will be writing this like a true trashy romance novel with heart. If you’re into that, welcome aboard! I’d appreciate a reblog and if you’d like to tell me what you loved about the story I will listen to it with excitement and a full heart! Thanks for reading! xoxo

Please DO NOT reblog or repost my stories on any other sites or blogs!!

There will be NO TAG LIST for this story.

The crimson wallpaper seems to bleed around Loki as he stalks through the halls of his father’s estate.

He’s known as Odin of Asgard, the Duke of a fertile, green, and extravagant duchy passed from father to son for hundreds of years. On this Eden, the Odinson family has prospered and never wavered and this legacy’s responsibility belongs to all three of the current children.

The eldest, a daughter, is happily settled in Ilhampton. The other two are tall men of significant ages, both expected to carry the future of the distinguished house into the future with dignity and pride.

It’s this fact, this one alone that has the younger of the two boys stomping his way down the hallways of his luxurious home, nostrils flaring, hands balled into fists, long dark hair almost wild as he swings around the corner into his mother’s favorite sitting room and stops dead in his tracks at the sight of the elegant woman sitting with her hands on her lap.

She has a tray of tea and cakes before her on a low ornate table but stops mid-reach as her son comes to a halt.

“Loki,” she smiles, the crinkles at the corners of her eyes pronounced yet they don’t diminish the pretty blue.

Their depth terrifies Loki at times and in this moment specifically as she realizes the state he’s in and her smile vanishes to be replaced by a fretful frown.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Loki says, lifting his hands in surrender of pretense, hopefully putting her off.

She can see right through him. He’s never been able to hide anything from her and trying to pretend like everything’s okay right now would be inadvisable. He’d only be chastised and he’d like to avoid that if he can help it.

His mother twists in her seat, abandoning her tea as her frown grows.

Loki moves around behind her to the small table where crystal decanters are stoppered with more crystal toppers.

He pulls the fullest bottle forward and pours himself a glass of port before downing it entirely.

He gasps lightly as the sweet drink coats his tongue doing what it can to chase away the bitterness left by his meeting.

The gentle swish of his mother’s golden muslin and satin dress tickles his ears and just as he’s expecting it, her warm hand wraps around his arm as she tugs him gently to turn.

It’s polite but demanding and she’s not giving him a choice. She wants to see him.

“Loki,” she disapproves of his drinking but Loki doesn’t care. Not right now.

He fills another glass and this time just takes a sip before finally giving his mother his undivided attention.

Her golden, graying waves of hair have been mostly gathered up atop her head, wrapped through with a ribbon leaving two long waves on either side of her neck to fall along her shoulders.

Her skin is a golden peach, soft, and it reminds Loki of Thor which unfortunately is not something he really needs at the moment.

He looks down as she brings his hand up in one of her own and the other she places over the hand holding his drink.

“What did your father want?”

Loki chews on the inside of his cheek then takes another drink, urging himself calm so that he can speak to his mother calmly.

She doesn’t deserve his wrath. His frustrations are for his father alone and, even if he doesn’t deserve it, his brother.

“He wanted me to share in the exultations on Thor’s first child. He assured me that while it was disappointing that the first was not a boy, he’s just as proud and knows that Thor will do his duty and make our family proud by giving him a grandson soon.”

“Oh, dear,” his mother laments, already seeming to know where this is going. “Loki…”

“Then he proceeded to pester me about my own lack of a wife. My lack of direction. My lack of responsibility, of courage, and pretty much everything that Thor has in abundance.

“As always, I am not good enough for this family.”

Even though he’s trying so hard to keep from lashing out at his mother for the anger, frustration, and pain that his father is intent on provoking from him, it spills out unintentionally and Loki sighs, frustrated with himself.

He pulls himself out of her grip taking another sip of his drink and crosses the room. He plops down into one of the sturdy armchairs by the fire, grinding his teeth. The screen keeps him from being overheated and yet his pale skin, his cheeks and ears especially, are tinged red with his upset.

His mother follows, sitting at the end of the settee closest to him but she keeps her hands to herself this time.

Loki can already feel his guilt spilling into his anger, mingling into pitch in his belly. He grips his glass hard, then loosens his fingers for fear of breaking it and spilling his drink.

“Loki, your father is an impatient man. You have one year left at Stonewall and when you have your degree then you might have some more of the freedom you wish for.

“All I ask for is patience, my son.”

“What good will patience do when father is intent on my ruin?” Loki demands, turning his piercing eyes on his mother who sits looking just as concerned as before and unbothered by his temper.

It almost seems to make her sad. Restrained sorrow spills from her jeweled eyes.

“Your father doesn’t want to ruin you. Why would you think such a thing?”

“Because he’s threatening to ship me off to America. He says if I don’t marry soon, I’ll be made an officer whether I like it or not and will be required to do the name of Odinson justice. Forgive me mother, but I too have no patience, especially for a father who would threaten me with exile simply because I do not do as he bids.

“He has Thor. He has his prodigal son. Thor is married. He and Jane are living happily in Dunmere with their new baby, carving out a sturdy footing in the elite all on their own. Why can he not just let me live my life in peace? Why must I bend to his will?

“It’s not as if I will inherit this house when he dies. I won’t have his title, or even Thor’s current station. Thor will be Duke and Hela will take over at Dunmere. I am nothing in this family. Why does he even bother?”

Loki slumps back against his chair as the echo of his increasingly loud tirade bounces off of the stylishly papered blue walls. He gently swirls his drink as they’re plunged into an endless silence regretful of his outburst but also feeling better that his deepest and most pitiful thoughts are out there for at least the only person in his world that truly cares about him to know.

In the quiet, Loki can imagine the life he might have if he listens to his father.

He’d finish his schooling. Marry, and within a few years he’d have his children. Yet, even that would not be enough for Odin. Loki knows that it would never be enough.

“He won’t be happy until I distinguish myself in one way or another. If that means dying on the battlefield in the name of King and country, so be it.”

“Oh, my boy,” Frigga leans forward and places her hand on his cheek, caressing his face as he drops his guard completely.

All she sees is his vulnerability and the aching heart that she knows he’s been nursing.

“Don’t worry, mother,” Loki looks at her and reaches up to take her hand and remove it from his face but keeps hold of it in his hand.

He appreciates the affection.

“I have managed for this long, I’m certain I can manage a few more years of father’s ire.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Loki does manage to survive his father’s ire. In fact, he survives for eight more years by skillfully and tactfully taking advantage of the offered hospitality of his friends.

During that time, Loki makes certain that he has the time of his life because there is no doubt in his mind that in some way or other, his father will find a way to impose upon him his expectations with more success and probably permanently.

The first tryst comes during his last year at college.

Her name is Greta. Red hair. Pale skin. Breasts the size of melons.

She comes highly recommended and Loki sees her for nearly the entire year.

Their first meeting comes at a party given by one of his friends. A usual gathering at the local club where every gentleman who is remotely someone gathers to play cards, drink, smoke, and just generally let loose of the restrictions their noble houses demand.

Tonight is no different than any other night except Fandral’s patience has run out and he approaches Loki with a subtle smirk.

“Well, it's time my friend."

"Fandral," Loki begins in protest but Fandral tuts him until he shuts his mouth and exhales in frustration.

"This one is unique and will make you a great companion, Loki,” Fandral claps him on his shoulder and smiles down at him the mischievous glint in his eyes drawing from Loki a stifled grumble.

Loki isn’t eager to get this particular experience out of the way. He’s not sure why the others insist that this will be his defining moment. As if his defining personality traits might be found between the legs of a woman. How sad if that were true. Isn't he more than his desires?

Fandral waves and she saunters over wearing little more than a floor length chemise with a crimson corset around her waist. Her breasts are pushed up, nipples peaked through the thin fabric that Loki tries not to look at.

He shifts in his seat, looking down at the floor but is distracted by her hitched skirt, pinned just at the top of her stockings which she has tied with black lace ribbon accentuating the soft flesh of her thigh.

Over the ruffled chemise, sleeves quarter in length she wears a silky pink sleeveless dress left open to drape seductively over her curves.

“Loki, this is Greta and she will take very good care of you. Won’t you Greta?” Loki can see Fandral’s hand slowly creeping down along Greta’s back, caressing her long red wavy hair before he settles his hand on her rear to give it a squeeze.

“Of course, my lord. Anyfing for the son of a Duke,” she smiles, her teeth in surprisingly good condition.

As she steps forward and over Loki’s legs, she sits herself on his lap, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as she fiddles with the neck of his shirt, loosening his cravat to get a look at the slender muscle.

“Well, aren you handsome, your dukeship,” she smiles, then giggles stupidly.

Her voice is huskier than Loki was expecting by the looks of her but it isn’t unappealing.

“I’m not a duke,” Loki tells her, his voice cracking as he speaks.

“Shall we go upstairs, my lord?”

Greta doesn’t waste any time.

Loki thinks about her question and is almost decided to reject her offer but then she hops off of him and pulls him to his feet.

“Come on, handsome, dun make me wait. I’ve never ‘ad a duke before.”

“I’m not a duke,” Loki insists, nervous but a bit more stern.

Greta ignores him as she pulls him to the stairs and leads him up.

From this angle, Loki gets a full view of the debauchery in the club. Throughout the large room, decorated in deep mahogany sets of settees and lounges amongst card tables, Loki counts seven couples.

A few of the gentlemen he recognizes from school. Among them he can spot Fandral and Volstagg. Both of them sit with women just as scantily dressed as Greta. Volstagg has his arm around his, a raven haired woman who is busy bringing a large decanter of port to his friend’s mouth. As he guzzles the liquor it drips down along his beard staining his untied cravat and shirt but he laughs, blissfully unconcerned.

Fandral looks to be having more fun. Just like four other couples in the room. He has his head thrown back as a waifish woman with blonde hair bounces on his lap. She’s grasping his shoulders, her mouth open as she cries out in ecstasy or pain, Loki can’t tell.

As he watches, transfixed by the sight, his friend looks up and spots him. He smiles then slaps the woman’s exposed rear before throwing his head back again but this time putting his cigar down on the end table beside his lounge and taking the woman’s hips in hand to make her movements more precise.

They fall out of sight and with Loki’s heart thrumming he swallows hard as Greta pulls him through a long dark hallway with more bodies of men he knows and doesn’t as they also debase the women they’re with.

Through a door at the end of the hall is a spacious and luxurious room with dark walls and dim candle light. However Loki takes little notice because all he can hear is the pulse in his ears.

Greta doesn’t let his awkwardness affect her and instead leads him to the bed before she pushes him down onto it.

With nothing more to look at, Loki’s green eyes are trained on the redhead, watching her as she slips off the pink outer dress and lets it fall to the ground.

“Dun you wanna touch me, my lord?” Greta asks, her voice sultry and inviting.

Clearly her skill is as Fandral said.

Loki isn’t sure how to answer her. He is curious about her body. The soft curves so often hidden beneath layers of dress. Forbidden unless it belongs to his wife. A wife he has no intention of getting any time soon.

“I-” Loki begins, beginning to realize that he might not be able to go through with this.

He hadn’t wanted it to begin with. Surely this is something that should happen naturally between himself and whomever he intends on marrying.

Greta moves towards him, reaching down to grab his hands. She leads them up onto her sides and Loki takes hold.

“Tha’s it,” Greta encourages, pulling on his hold to pull his hands up higher along her sides.

His hands twitch as his fingers touch the soft flesh of her breasts.

Loki’s mouth pops open, suddenly dry as he tries to fight the pull his instincts have now that they’ve touched a woman.

How can they be so soft?

He squeezes without thinking and Greta giggles again, guiding his thumbs to her nipples.

Loki presses on them and then rolls them under his fingertip.

Greta gasps and Loki jumps, startled by the noise but he looks up at her expression only to see pleasure instead of pain on her face.

He rolls her nipples around again, this time a little harder and she mewls.

“Are you sure you dunno what you’re doing, my lord? Tha’s not the touch of someone ‘s never touched a woman before,” she says but Loki isn’t sure if she’s teasing or being honest.

“N-No,” Loki assures her. “You’re my first.”

Greta bites her lip then slowly turns away from him to expose the lacing of her corset.

“Go on your dukeship, take it off,” she urges.

Loki is too distracted to correct her again and instead his trembling fingers pull on the ties that hold her corset together. It takes longer than he expects but as she stands there, Greta wiggles her bottom back and forth.

Instinct again brings Loki’s hand down to touch her rear, squeezing the soft muscle.

He looks up at Greta’s face to make sure it’s alright and Great’s mouth is wide open as she hisses with pleasure.

Loki’s fingers trail forward underneath her skirt, the corset nearly undone. He’s tentative in his touch but he can feel the slightly coarse hair of her cunt and then a sticky wetness that draws a moan from her.

He wiggles his finger, unsure of what he’s doing but as he does, Greta wiggles right back. He notices that she bucks her hips when he reaches a small little nub towards the front and focuses on it, pressing harder but moving faster as her breathing grows labored.

She reaches between her legs and holds his hand in place as he brings a second finger to flick at the nub.

Her moans are erratic and high pitched as he moves faster, lurid wet sounds echoing in his ears. He almost feels like he’s hurting her if it weren’t for the way she’s clinging to him.

Suddenly her body goes rigid and she falls back into his lap. He stops his circling but watches her as her bosom rises and falls heavily with her exertion. He observes the way her weak legs tremble as she tries to stand.

It takes Greta a few minutes to somewhat regain her composure before she’s standing again. She turns to face him, reaching behind her to tear away at the last bit of the string holding her corset in place.

Loki watches it fall to the ground shortly after accompanied by her ruffled sleeve chemise leaving her standing before him completely exposed.

Her breasts are larger than he imagined and he can’t help himself as he reaches out to touch them. Tempted and overcome with the beauty of her female firm. Luscious curves that entice him with every shift.

Greta moves closer, wrapping her hand up in his long dark hair and pulling his face towards her. She places his lips at her nipple and Loki opens his mouth.

For a moment he feels infantilized. Why would a grown man suckle on a woman’s breast?

His answer is quickly given as Greta moans as he tastes her. He rolls his tongue around the peak. He tries not to think of the salty taste and instead focuses on the way Greta trembles.

He switches to the other breast and as he sucks, he reaches between her legs again to feel along her slit.

She’s still so wet and he pulls his fingers up to give a proper look at the slick that spreads between them.

Greta pulls his fingers up to her lips and takes them in whole, licking them clean of her arousal.

Loki feels a familiar shift in his pants. His cock awoken by the indecent behavior of the woman before him.

She takes notice and reaches down to rub him through his pants.

“How would you like to stick that ‘fing in my cunt, my lord?”

Fuck, Loki knows he can’t stop now.

Her body is soft in all the right places. She’s not ugly by any means. In fact, she’s pretty. A bit crass, but he kind of likes it.

“Come on, my lord. Le’s put it in,” Greta whispers, rolling her shoulders seductively with excitement.

The movement makes her breasts sway and her grin is too tempting to deny.

Loki hurries to unbutton his dark trousers, pushing them down until he’s exposed.

“Such a big boy. Dun you worry, lordship, I’ll get that whistle all wet fer ya and you’ll come back beggin’ me fer more.”

Greta isn’t wrong.

Loki comes back four days a week for the next year and with Greta he discovers the pleasures of intercourse in spades.

As his school year comes to a close, Loki knows exactly what buttons to push for Greta to come undone as quickly as he’d like and just how to draw out her pleasure until she’s nearly driven mad.

Still, Greta does little to satisfy his sexual curiosity and he outgrows Greta quickly.

While she’ll always have a special place in his heart as the woman who taught him all he knows, he can’t help but wonder if all women are the same or if perhaps there are things he doesn’t know. Different or hidden pleasures left for him to discover so he spreads his wings and within six years, Loki has lined up a string of lovers that range from other privately employed women to the less principled ladies of good families.

While he sleeps his way through these women he learns everything he can from the experiences both emotionally and physically. The education is informative and enjoyable.

The years go on and Loki is changed in mind, body, and soul. He ages gracefully. The once skinny, lanky young man, fills out and his lithe taut body pleases his women greatly.

He’s still somewhat small in comparison to his brother’s build, but as the years have gone by, Loki has grown into a man.

At his core, although he is the same Loki as ever, he keeps to only one rule. As a man of means, he makes sure to avoid women who are not within his own class.

If they aren’t women he’s paying to fuck, he wants to be sure that these ladies will have as much to lose as he will.

Still, even though these activities are well hidden from the public, that doesn’t mean that his clandestine affairs are unknown.

Loki fucks these women in the gentlemen’s club, his apartment in the city. He fucks Viscount Perry’s married daughter in his father’s stables. And the garden. And the folly. He fucks her whenever he gets the chance which at his father’s estate is often during their forced stay at Michaelmas.

More upbeat than he usually is, it’s easy for Frigga to see that Loki might be partaking in more than the delights of the holiday spirit.

It’s the last night of the Viscount’s visit and his daughter and her husband are sitting at the piano. She’s got skilled hands and Loki smirks as she meets his eyes.

Her own hazel gaze sparkles with lust. She averts her gaze, the curve of her lips knowing as she finishes the song then reaches up to touch the dark curl that rests on her shoulder.

“Another, my love?” her husband asks.

He’s a balding man in his fifties, rounder than he is tall. It gives Loki no pain to play him the fool and his wife even less.

“No, my love. I think perhaps I might take a stroll through the garden. Will you come?” She's looking at her husband but peeks up at Loki, hoping he’ll catch her gaze and the silent demand that he meet her outside.

She needn’t worry. Loki hasn’t taken his off of her for nearly an hour.

“Oh,” her husband laments. “No, I-I better not, my love. My constitution isn’t what it once was. If you must go, make sure to take care and wrap up warmly. It might snow tonight and the air is biting.”

“Of course, my love,” she simpers and rises.

She leans down to press a kiss to his cheek before she moves around the piano bench, grabs her cloak, and with one final look at Loki disappears through the large glass doors of the formal sitting room and into the garden.

Loki clears his throat and looks around at the other guests before excusing himself and moving straight for those garden doors.

He’s nearly there when just as he reaches out, a stern disapproving voice calls out.

“Loki, a word, my son.”

He turns slowly and finds Frigga standing only a few feet away with a look that matches her tone.

“Of course, mother. Anything for you.”

He knows that his attempts to charm her won’t work this time and Loki knows that this means.

He follows her up the stairs to the second floor and into a beautiful decorated study. The woods are lighter and the colors softer. No blood red wallpaper or expensive golden embellishments on the furniture.

This office is his mother’s and everything was purchased in favor of something comfortable.

Odin does spoil his wife.

“Sit,” she orders, moving to stand by her large desk as he takes one of the armchairs.

“Are you upset, mother?” Loki plays innocent.

“You know very well that I am,” Frigga says curtly. “You are very blatant in your disgusting display with the Viscount’s daughter. Don’t think I haven’t noticed the mess you two have been making through this house during their stay.”

Loki’s blush is real shame and he doesn’t attempt to hide it. He nods, averting his gaze to look at his hands rather than the disappointment on his mother’s face.

“I have quelled your father’s anger for years because I knew that you’d had a difficult upbringing. I assured him that this would end soon enough. You were young and sowing your wild oats but I think it’s become more than that now.

“You have spent the past eight years doing nothing to further your prospects. As you so wisely pointed out to me one night years ago, you will inherit almost nothing from your father. You will have a bit of money but no title. No occupation worthwhile of a gentleman.

“What have you done with your degree? What have you accomplished? You’ve slept through half the nobility in this district and from what Lady Sif has said, more than half the prostitutes in Dunmere.”

Loki winces, Lady Sif a conquest not worth having. She refuses to marry since the only prospect she’d ever had was Thor and when that went awry she’d been so heartbroken. She counted herself among Loki’s friends now. Often the voice of reason and sanity and yet, she still couldn’t convince Loki to change his ways.

“I have already had words with your brother as to why he did not stop you from mixing with such company and he has promised me to keep an eye on you from now on. However, I think it’s too late.”

“What do you mean, mother?”

Too late? Too late for what?

Loki’s fear is unfounded.

His mother has never hurt him or made him feel like a nuisance to the family. In fact, it’s his mother who Loki had assumed would always be on his side.

"You are not a boy anymore, Loki. I can no longer make excuses for you. Today your father received word about an opportunity that you will not pass up. It was given to him by the Prince himself, and to refuse the future King of this Country would be an unacceptable slight.

"Our family cannot afford anger the royal family. Not after your sister rejected the Queen's brother." Frigga wings her hands, fretting about the scandal that rocked society only a year ago.

For several months, the name of Odinson was met with derisive remarks and invitation snubs for the Duke and Duchess.

Loki’s company wasn't exactly the shunning type and Thor's position at Dunmere is so fixed that he can do nothing wrong it seems.

"What exactly is this opportunity?" Loki wonders.

"I don't know, Loki. If only you'd made an effort in your own then your father would not have had to reach out to the Prince. If we're lucky you'll be given a simple job here in the country. Or perhaps India?

"Many young men have gone on to be very prosperous in the region, though from what I understand it's very hot."

"And," Loki thinks, sitting forward as his mother sits in her own chair on the other side of her desk. "If we aren't lucky?"

Frigga let's the silence fall over Loki like a crushing weight. He feels claustrophobic suddenly and almost wants to run by the impending responsibility of whatever the Prince demands of him.

"War?" Frigga offers. "Or worse. Colonization in America."

The though of leaving his life behind here is not as terrifying as it once was. In fact, Loki finds himself wondering at the possibilities of starting out somewhere new.

New society, new norms, new women. New men. Everything would be open for his taking. He could make a name for himself. One that isn't drizzled with expectations.

He smirks lightly, not meaning to look so happy but it catches Frigga's eye and she frowns, her face going red with her rage.

She truly cannot abide Loki's promiscuous behavior.

"And I have also made a few plans of my own," she announces, opening a drawer at her desk and pulling out a thick piece of folded yellow parchment.

It's tied with a pale green ribbon, a small purple flower dried and sealed with white wax.

She rises and moves around, offering the letter to Loki.

"What is it?" He asks warily.

"Open it. It's for you."

As Frigga moves back to sit at her desk, Loki examines the small bloom and then the careful and precise way the letter was wrapped and sealed.

At the center he can feel something a little hard. A trinket of some kind?

He breaks the seal, removes the ribbon and for some reason pockets the seal with the flower.

As he unfolds the parchment, a portrait locket about the size of his palm falls out.

He doesn't even bother reading the letter.

He opens the locket and inside is a portrait of you. Hand painted, not exaggerated, just pure honesty.

Loki’s heart stutters with trepidation as he realizes what this means.

"Mother," he begins but Frigga silences him.

"She's the Countess of Balmara and she's just turned eighteen. Her father agreed several years ago that when she came of age, she would make you a good wife and your father and I agree.

"Sadly, the Count has passed away leaving his daughter the county along with the title and lots of money."

"She’s too young," Loki argues, his blood running cold at the prospect of being married.

"She’s two years older than I was when I married your father. Loki, it's decided. You will marry the Countess of Balmara. If you had made any effort to find your own wife instead of bedding every whore and unhappily married Lady I would not have needed to find you a wife myself.

"You have only yourself to blame, my son. I tried."

As Loki sits there, face devoid of all color, he looks down at your portrait. Staring. Studying every detail of the girl smiling shyly up at him.

"Isn't she pretty?" Frigga asks. "You and she will have lovely children. Perhaps even more lovely than your brother and his wife?"

She gets up, crossing around to Loki who she kisses on the head as he stares frozen at your portrait.

"Don't tell Thor I said that, dear. He'll be so hurt. Don't forget your meeting with your father tomorrow morning. And stay away from Lord Barlow's daughter tonight. I will not ask you again."

#loki x reader #regency!loki x countess!reader #loki x you #marvel fanfiction #regency era au #arranged marriage au #mcu fanfiction #loki odinson x reader #he says he loves me pt01 #he says he loves me

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problemedit · 2 years

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☁️ ᴡᴇʟᴄᴏᴍᴇ! ☁️

Is that a fallen angel? No, it’s @problemedit! Again! >:3c

Carrd (old). I (mod Pip) saved the reqs from before, here’s a list of the pending requests from our past blog. Mod Rot (prev. Loki) will also be here again!

Dec 2021: Details on what we’ll do on here while problemedits is down. RB’d a few from the old blog to showcase past editing skills. These posts will be deleted after a month since we plan to re-upload them back into the tags.

Here you will find →

#icons, #aesthetic boards, #transparents, #mobile wallpapers, #promos

basically edits of many kinds, from any fictional source, for any reasons. Even “problem” ones.

Not only that, you can request us to do a specific edit! We love to make edits for people when we have the time & energy.

That’s it. Thanks for checking this out!

Before requesting, check the rules below:

Guidelines -

We try to answer reqs as soon as they appear, to let the requester know we received it. This does not mean we’ve completed the req.

Reqs, if not yet completed, are tagged #request pending. When completed, they’re tagged #request complete.

All asks, req or not, are tagged #mail time! |

Visual edits (aesthetics, icons, transparents, etc) can be for any source, but are easier to make if from a 2D source, like cartoons or mangas.

Moodboards are 6x2 by default, but you can ask for 3x3!

Icons are in a set of at least 3, but if there’s enough content to make icons of, it can be in a set of 9.

Wallpapers need the dimensions of the requester’s background to be as accurate to the phone’s screen as possible. |

Live-action is accepted.

Podcasts are accepted, please have a faceclaim ready if wanting faces! Fanart faceclaims won’t be accepted unless you’ve made it yourself. |

Be as specific as you can when requesting. We’ll let you know if there’s a detail we would have trouble including, but as a whole it’s helpful for us to have lots of details!

Hate or asks toward us or other requesters will be ignored. :]

Be patient, we’re both busy with life and are doing this for fun!

Tagslist -

#mail time / #happy mail time

#request pending / #request complete

#req(uests) / #non-req(uests)

#aesboards / #icons / #pride icons / #transparents / #wallpapers

#promo

#mod pip / #mod rot

We welcome kinfolk, plural folk, queer folk, basically any folk who aren’t acting maliciously and would want edits.

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lokigodofaces · 3 years

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Michelle, Marvel, & Pride 25

Link to questions.

What sort of pride apparel do you think the characters would wear/have, if any?

Joey Gutierrez: He has a wristband he wears often enough, and for pride month he wears a bit more stuff. He wears things like backpacks with rainbow straps and a shirt with the gay flag (holy heck I just realized his sexuality is never confirmed as solely gay. He could be bi or something, but I'm pretty sure he is gay).

Peggy Carter: I don't know enough about queer history. She would have something subtle from her time period. Very subtle. This is a time where it was illegal for homosexuals to have federal jobs, such as director of S.H.I.E.L.D. But more recently, I like to think Sharon gave her a little bookmark or something colored like the bisexual flag.

Valkyrie: If she was on Earth, I think she would look really nice with thread braided into her hair to make a bisexual flag. It would look super pretty.

Ayo: Again, I don't know how pride is celebrated in Wakanda, but if there is anything, that's what she would do. I get the vibes from her that she'd like have rainbows on social media or something though.

Loki Laufeyson: He would have some clothes in the colors of the greyromantic, pansexual, and asexual flags, but not straight out the flags. And he'd have a couple of easy to hide apparel, things like this.

Also, I like to imagine Scott doing a card trick in front of him, joking that he can do magic too. Loki is interested (because he's being nice) and he finds it funny that Scott insists on showing him a bunch of ace cards. So Scott starts jokingly buying him stuff with aces of spades, and Loki is down because that is ace as heck.

Bucky Barnes: He has lots of shirts, flags, and all sorts of stuff. I like to think he has rainbow laces he wears with his shoes. He has lots of things that, even if they aren't explicitly queer, give him vibes. Things like the purple lava lamp he found on clearance and a red, purple, and teal tie dye shirt he found at a thrift shop. They aren't mean to be greysexual or bisexual, but they give off the vibes.

Wanda Maximoff: She'd have things with all the flags that apply to her. Those being abrosexual, bisexual, pansexual, aromantic, and asexual. On days where she's aroace, she'll wear her aroace stuff. Pan stuff on pan days. You get the point. And she wears her abrosexual stuff all of the time. She has things like rings, denim jacket with the flags ironed on, maybe shoes kind of like these.

Lance Hunter: He has a watch with a bisexual flag band that he wears a lot. And he likes to throw in bi stuff or rainbow stuff wherever he can. Things like the soles of his shoes being rainbow or his jacket being lined with bi colors.

Daisy Johnson: She does her make up in bi and demi colors, but that's mainly during pride month. Normally, she has a bracelet like the one I had pictured with Loki. She has a T-shirt that says something like "Inhuman, Queer, & Proud" she got because there are starting to be queer inhuman groups.

Jemma Simmons: She'll dress in pink, purple, and blue as a subtle bi flag. In June, Daisy does her make up sometimes. Jemma has cute little decorations she'll have, like a cup in bi colors to hold pencils or her phone's wallpaper as a cool pink to blue ombre with stars or something. Her and Fitz have matching bi wristbands someone got them as a wedding gift.

Leopold Fitz: He has the bi wristband same as Jemma. Other than that? I don't see him being the type of person to do all sorts of flag or pride or whatever stuff. He's heteroromantic bisexual, that's all. Part of it is that he doesn't want to be given crap for being varioriented ("you can f*ck a guy but not fall in love" sort of bs), but even if he was biromantic and bisexual, it's just not really his thing, so have a bunch of random colorful things shouting to the world that he's queer when he prefers to keep this very, very private.

Steve Rogers: Steve has bi and rainbow gear, but it's not something he normally wears. More of a pride thing.

Carol Danvers: She changes her suit to the lesbian flag for pride month! Outside of that, she seems like a person to wear lesbian flag socks. Which is totally random and idk if those even exist, but I get the vibes.

Peter Parker: MJ bought him some bi pins that he has saved in his room. He has some general mspec ones he wears around, that make him look supportive of hims omnisexual girlfriend, and he also can be secretly proud of his bisexuality. He also has an mspec solidarity shirt he only wears at home, with MJ, with Ned, or with Tony. It has bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, omnisexual, abrosexual, and other flags and has some phrase about them all being friendly.

MJ Watson: She'd wear lots of omnisexual and mspec pins. Omni for her, and mspec for her and Peter. She'd have a pair of black doc martens that she doesn't wear often but have rainbow laces. She also has a plaid shirt with the omnisexual colors.

Tess: Again, sad day, she doesn't really have anything for pride.

Sam Wilson: Most of his stuff is rainbow things. He was pretty certain he was queer but didn't know in what way, so he only got rainbow stuff for a long time. And he isn't in a spot where he's comfortable to come out as aromantic, so he just says he's queer. But he has an aro flag on the boat, and a tiny little aro flag magnet he keeps on the wings.

Mantis: Gamora gave her a bunch of whatever the galaxy terms to be ace stuff.

Nebula: Someone on Earth would buy her this shirt as a joke.

And the tank top, and the mug, and the short sleeved shirt, and the 3 quarters sleeved shirt, and the hoodie, and anything they can find with this.

That same person also gets a million things (this time including a bumper sticker they put on her ship) with this design or similar.

Vision: Dude can literally make his own clothes pop out of nowhere. He makes himself a non-binary cape sometimes. He also has a couple of enby gifts from Wanda

Previous | Next

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wolfpawn · 2 years

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I posted 819 times in 2021

85 posts created (10%)

734 posts reblogged (90%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 8.6 posts.

I added 97 tags in 2021

#wolfpawn - 31 posts

#loki fic - 21 posts

#pride and prejudice - 15 posts

#the art of survival - 7 posts

#hiding in plain sight - 6 posts

#loki series spoilers - 5 posts

#when ghosts come for us - 5 posts

#ko-fi - 3 posts

#loki show spoilers - 2 posts

#loki - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 45 characters

#just make him all the more a glorious bastard

My Top Posts in 2021

Irish Satire Site Waterford Whisper News getting in on the Loki humour

Gotta love some Irish humour

81 notes • Posted 2021-06-09 18:50:52 GMT

Me before today - There is literally nothing that would make me consider converting to Protestantism.

Me after seeing this image.

There is literally ONE thing that would make me consider converting to Protestantism.

72 notes • Posted 2021-03-30 20:05:23 GMT

Finally broke my fever and can actually stand up for 20+ minutes without needing to sleep for 4 hours after!

Now to get the page in order.

63 notes • Posted 2021-07-21 12:41:50 GMT

Yes, it means so many shipping staff are stuck having to go around Africa instead of just through the Suez, so that's shitty, but the fact that there's a boat blocking a multi-billion dollar per day route and it's getting this much attention is literally the funniest fucking thing to happen in so long. The tiny digger, the fact there's boats drawing dick-pics (the only non-solicited ones I will accept) and the fact we are being told how this is terrible because it is delaying capitalism by rich cunts, A1 entertainment

57 notes • Posted 2021-03-27 14:56:45 GMT

I got a new phone this week and was trying to find a nice wallpaper. I found my one. I found it on some random screensavers for free page and I love it!

52 notes • Posted 2021-11-11 20:10:01 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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starlightaudio · 3 years

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“Twilight Over Midgard”: Final Four Days of Crowdfunding!

We're now in the final four days of crowdfunding! We're a queer production company making "Twilight Over Midgard", a modern fantasy fiction podcast inspired by Norse Mythology. We’d like to take this chance to talk about our show, why you should donate, and what you can get in return.

[Image ID: A digital painting. The background is a blue, white, and pink nebula filled with white stars over a dark blue background. Bifrost, a glowing rainbow bridge, stretches back to Asgard, a mass of forested land floating in the middle of space. The words “Twilight Over Midgard” are written in white handwriting over the painting.]

About the Show

Twilight Over Midgard is a modern fantasy audio drama about a group of friends in Seattle who are recruited by two Norse gods to stop the apocalypse. Pulled from their lives as violinists, queer news writers, and grad students, they find themselves going on adventures they never could have dreamed on, traveling to strange realms, meeting gods—and trying desperately to survive long enough to ensure that the world doesn’t end.

Why You Should Donate

Twilight Over Midgard explores found family, trauma, grief, and the complicated side of forgiveness

The show is very character-driven, largely focusing on the characters and their (often messy) relationships

We’re a trans-led queer team making a show with a cast of all queer characters

We have lesbian Thor, bi woman Odin, and pan genderfluid Loki

There’s polyamory

There’s a deaf character played by a deaf actor

Donating helps us pay our incredible cast and crew for all of their hard work

We gave Sigyn a sword

What You Get

We have tons of amazing rewards for people who donate! Rewards include:

A Twitter shout-out

A pack of 12 digital wallpapers, including nebulas painted to look like pride flags

Stickers

Tourism postcards for the Nine Realms

Custom spell/offering bottles made just for you

A fabric patch

A woodburned set of runes

Our highest tier comes with something pretty sick: you get sponsorship credit on one of the episodes of the first season, meaning that your name and up to 45 seconds of copy about anything you want to promote will be read aloud at the beginning of an episode! Your name and info will also live forever on the “About Twilight Over Midgard” page of our website. Plus you get all of the rewards from the previous tiers!

Why This Matters

This show means a lot to everybody involved. As queer people, it can be hard for us to see ourselves represented in media. This is a chance to create the representation we’ve been craving for years (over a decade, in Cassie’s case). We want to give queer people the chance to see ourselves in the fantasy genre that so many of us grew up on but that we so rarely see ourselves in. We’re trying to represent our community in the type of story we love. Will you help us do that?

https://igg.me/at/tomseason1

#audio drama #fiction podcast #podcast #norse mythology

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the-gay-goblin · 3 years

Note

Okay so picture this:

I’m a famous person 100 years into the future

I’m widely renowned for being queer

But I’m not widely known cus I was famous during my lifetime

Nay, my friend. Let me introduce you to why.

One. Two. Three

I hear three knocks coming from the entrance to my house. Well, our home.

You’d just gotten back from a day out, and are excited to see me as I welcome you in.

Because today is the day.

As we walk through our cozy home I look around, gazing at the wallpaper and the paintings on them, the carpet and the furniture on it. Excited to show you what I’ve made.

Finally, finally we get to the small library we have, shelves stacked with books of all kinds and the comfiest couches and chairs you could find.

There are a few books lying about that need to be sorted but that can wait for later.

I walk up to a certain bookcase and push a few books to the side, where you see that a small black dot is.. What appears to be a button. You’d known that something special was going to be happening but I had kept it secret, as a surprise for you.

I press the button and a bookcase to the right is mechanically moved to the side, only the quiet sound of the machinery and our breaths are heard.

I grab you by the hand and stride to where that bookcase previously was, practically running to get into the room that this bookcase was hiding.

We stride into the room and I smile, as you look around at the floor, which has a light blue carpet on top of a dark brown hardwood floor, and then the walls, lined with posters, picture frames, bookshelves and even a giant map at the middle of the farthest wall.

The room has posters, of famous queer people, the pride we have in our identities, and the picture frames have pictures of our little family, however much it expands or decreases.

The bookshelves, as I go to them and show you the books on them, have books and books about queer history. “So that we can preserve our history.” I exclaim

Your mouth almost looks agape. “Come here,” I lead you to the center of the room. Which has couches and covers and a coffee table in the middle.

You and me sit down on one of the couches.

On the table there are pieces of paper and diy book covers lying around.

“Yeah I kinda wrote a few poems,” I smile while scratching the back of my neck. “Might write a few books too.”

“How.. how’d you do all this?” You ask

“Very carefully and also I saved up for this.” I pronounce proudly, putting my hands on my hips.

“I love it!” You exclaim

“What are you gonna fill the books with?” You ponder

“I don’t know, probably my poems and an autobiography.”

“Just wait ‘til Evan sees this.” You laugh.

“Yeah he’s gonna like it isn’t he. Or at least I hope.” I twiddle with my fingers a bit while saying.

“He’ll love it.” You coo lovingly.

“Wait so no actually how’d you sneak all the furniture in.” You ask, slightly alarmed.

“And how much did this cost? There’s a lot of books.”

“Don’t worry about ittt,” I tilt my head and say.

“But wait no actually.” You ask again.

I explain how I did it to you and we have a merry rest of the day. Evan arrives and is surprised too, so we lead him through a brief tour of the room.

After years and years have passed and we have too, our house is being cleared out for sale.

The new owners discover this room, as they have a few children that like to mess around. It’s much more dusty in there by then but everything is still intact.

They decide to make public this long secret room and show everyone the histories that were written down and or kept in this room.

And that, my dear dear friend, is the way I became famous 100 years into the future

@insert-awesome-loki-url-here (sorry if I didn’t provide enough descriptions of things or your actions weren’t accurate i just really wanted to type this out soon okay guys)

(Hope you liked it! P.s. sorry if this is too long)

I’m actually about to cry

#the tree goblin answers #danke for the ask love #Ollie!

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whoopsallloki · 3 years

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Pride Loki Phone Wallpapers 7/∞ | Aromantic Flag

Reblog if use

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crazywitchenby2 · 3 years

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Welcome to my blog! 🔥🔮🌿

I generally post a lot of content here but I’m trying to put most of my personal or non-fandom related stuff on my main, @crazyenbywitch :)

Usally it’s either my yearning or some kind of funny thing or a tag game or Loki content. A good few LGBTQ Tings™️. Or just some random miscellaneous stuff.

My writing;

I write sometimes and if I ever publish any fics I’ll add them to a masterlist but currently I only have done one published fic that I’ll link here. It’s a Steve and Bucky x reader fluffy oneshot. I have another writing blog but I haven’t written there really either. My muses are halfway dead 😂.

My art;

I post it on here and my main, most likely has the “Leif’s Art” tag.

I also make wallpapers (Separate post here) with lgbtq pride flag leaves, if you’re intrrested PLEASE dm me I wanna make these so bad but I’ve only gotten like 5 orders im DESPERATE. They’re free, the practice and entertainment of making them is payment enough :)

DNI:

Terfs, radfems, trump supporters, islamophobics, rascists, sexists, anti-lgbtq, anyone against our aro and ace, grayace, demi, and other friends WILL NOT BE TOLERATED HERE!

This is a safe place for people of any religion, race, or sexuality and if you are prejudiced against anyone besides Trump then you can escort yourself out :) or I’ll drag you by the hair :)))))) or anything i can grab :))))))))))

#dont reblog #pinned post #About Me #About Leif

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lockscreenurself · 4 years

Note

I just scrolled through your entire blog and omgg I'm in love !! I was wondering if you could do a norse myth loki wallpaper ? With maybe a little bit of lgbt pride (but not a lot cuz I'm still in the closet) ? I hope you have a fantastic day/night!!!

<3 <3

Like / reblog if you save :)

#wallpaper #lock screen #lockscreen #aesthetic #art #green #lockscreens #mythology #loki #norse #god #mischief #lgbt #rainbow

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ijustreallylovezebras · 5 years

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Courtney’s Crisis Writing Challenge

So yeah as I’m sure all of you are aware of by now I’m having a crisis

and I figured what better way to deal with an emotional crisis than to do a writing challenge and read all the wonderful thing’s y’all can write to distract myself from my ever-growing list of responsibilities

maybe i should change it to Courtney’s Procrastination and Existential Worry Writing Challenge instead

ANYWAY

This is a whole-ass mega writing challenge, going across ALL the people I’ve ever written for and all the people I lowkey want to write for/kinda have a current obsession/love for atm

I’ll give a full comprehensive list below the rules

But yeah this is going to have an English Literature theme bc I’m a nerd like that and have been reading too many books lately, again, to distract myself

So the prompts are split into three categories - “The Heartbreakingly Beautiful”, “The Hilariously Relateable” and “Fuck I’m Drowning In Fluff”

yeah the categories are just what went through my mind when I read the things these authors wrote

The Rules

1) You don’t have to be following me but it would be nice because I’m lonely and want friends plz

2) If your piece of writing is over 500 words, please use the ‘read more’ feature

3) Reblog this post to get the word out (and tag anyone who may be interested!)

4) It’s going to be one person per prompt but if needed I can add more prompts

5) Smut is fine but please leave warnings as appropriate (THOUGH NO UNDERAGE CHARACTER SMUT THANKS)

6) On the back of that one, no inappropriate pairings pleaseeeeee

7) Also please make sure you leave appropriate warnings at the beginnings of fics if any sensitive subjects are brought up (e.g. mental health etc)

8) Ships and OC’s are welcome

9) Tag me in your writing! - on any of my blogs or all three if you’re keen whoooo

10) Use the hashtag #CourtsCrisisWC

11) If you want to enter send me an ask with the prompt you want and the pairing you’ll be writing it with - again the ask can be sent to either of my writing blogs

12) The deadline for this is 15th December (this can be extended if y’all need it)

Characters/People/Pairings

Okay so imma split this section into parts real quick

Main Blog

1) Pretty much anyone from the MCU is welcome - with the exception of Tony Stark and Clint Barton

2) Tom Holland & Harrison Osterfield and HOCO cast and the Holland boys (NOT PADDY)

3) Any of Les Amis

4) The characters from Peaky Blinders as well

5) Poly ships (e.g. Steve x Reader x Bucky or Tom x Reader x Harrison)

Side Blog

1) Ben Hardy (+ Warren Worthington)

2) Joe Mazzello (+ Eugene Sledge, Gardner Langway, Pat Murray, Dr Tim Murphy)

3) Gwilym Lee (+ Charlie Nelson)

4) (BoRhap!)Queen members (Freddie only platonically)

5) Roger x Reader x Ben

6) Joe x Reader x Ben

7) The Hargreeves Children (older!Five only)

8) Richard Madden (+ David Budd, Robb Stark, Prince Kit)

9) Taron Egerton (+ Eggsy)

10) Rocketman!Bernie Taupin and Ray Williams

11) Smosh Members

12) Jake Gyllenhaal (+ all his various characters)

13) Chris Evans (+ Ari Levinson, Frank Adler)

Just For Funsies (i.e. current obsessions I don’t officially write for but lowkey want to)

1) Ashton Irwin

2) Calum Hood

3) Sebastian Stan (+ Chris Beck)

tbh y’all can just send me a person and I’ll let you know if I’m cool with you writing for them but judging by this list I think you can rest fairly assured that I’m going to be okay with whoever you want to write for

Prompts

The Heartbreakingly Beautiful

“I have measured out my life in coffee spoons” - The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S Eliot // the most beautiful and wonderful poem ever written don’t fight me on this // ( @writingsoftheloser w/ BLANK)

“I am so busy keeping my head above water that I scarcely know who I am, much less who anyone else is” - The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

“Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do you start missing everybody” - The Catcher In The Rye by J.D Salinger ( @takenbyheartstrings w/ Peter Parker)

“I should have made it as hard for you to leave me as it is now for me to leave you” - Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë ( @bensakindofmagic w/ Ben Hardy)

"The universe is bigger than anything that can fit into your mind." - Love Letters To The Dead by Ava Dellaira ( @petersfreckles w/ Peter Parker)

“You never forget the face of the person that is your last hope” - The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins ( @tom-holland-stuff w/ BLANK)

“Hope may be the thing that pulls you forward (may be the thing that keeps you going) but that it’s painful and dangerous and risky it’s making a dare to the world and when has the world ever let us win a dare?” - The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness

“We can't fight another person's battle, no matter how much we want to.” - Holding Up The Universe by Jenifer Niven

“I'm sure I never used to be so sensitive. I think it is due to this nervous condition.” - The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman

“Sometimes, I feel the past and the future pressing so hard on either side that there's no room for the present at all.” - Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh

The Hilariously and Painfully Relatable

“As far as I'm concerned, I came out of the womb spouting cynicism and wishing for rain.” - Solitaire by Alice Oseman

“Real courage is when you know you’re licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.” - To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

"And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good." - East of Eden by John Steinbeck ( @queen-paladin w/ Joe/Eugene/Charlie/Les Amis boy)

"We cross our bridges as we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and the presumption that once our eyes watered." - Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead by Tom Stoppard ( @lilulo-12 w/ Bucky)

"It's just that…I just think that some things are meant to be broken. Imperfect. Chaotic. It's the universe's way of providing contrast, you know? There have to be a few holes in the road. It's how life is." - The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen ( @sataninsatin w/ Detective Loki)

“It was books that made me feel that I was not completely alone” - The Night Circus by Erin Mogenstern

“Was there some kind of rule against drop kicking arseholes in the face? Probably. They always had rules against things that needed to be done” - Made You Up by Francesca Zappia

“I would challenge you to a battle of wits but I see you are unarmed” - Much Ado About Nothing by William Shakespeare ( @icantspellanything w/ Poe Dameron)

“Some people are born with an ear for music, some people are born with a talent for drawing, some people...have a built-in radar that tells them where a comma needs to go in a sentence.” - Our Chemical Hearts by Krystal Sutherland

“Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.” I Am The Messenger by Marcus Zusak

Fuck I’m Drowning In Fluff

“You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you” - Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin ( @mavalenovaninagavi w/ Andrew Garfield!Peter Parker)

“I love her, and that’s the beginning and end of everything” - The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Flitzgerald ( @angiefangirlworld-2 w/ Ben Hardy)

“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” - Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë ( @fichoe21 w/ Bucky)

"The curves of your lips rewrite history." - Picture Of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde ( @sarahp879 w/ Bucky)

"[BLANK] was right. [They] never looked nice. [They] looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something." - Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell ( @writing-of-a-british-bitch w/ Eggsy/Warren)

“Here’s my secret. It’s quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

“Love is worth everything. Everything.” - Everything Everything by Nicola Yoon

“I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be.” - Great Expectations by Charles Dickens ( @natdoesthings w/ Jake Gyllenhaal)

“I just want you to know that you’re very special and the only reason I’m telling you is that I don’t know if anyone else ever has” - The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chebowsky ( @d-is-for-delightfull w/ Enjolras)

“Don’t you understand? You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!” - Peter Pan by J.M Barrie

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ahouseoflies · 5 years

Text

The Best Films of 2018, Part III

Parts I and II are here and here.

GOOD MOVIES

70. Mid90s (Jonah Hill)- I usually applaud filmmakers for letting visuals tell the story instead of spelling everything out, but Mid90s needs to spell some more stuff out, especially at the truncated end. His brother brought him an orange juice, so all of the abuse is forgotten? I need a bit more there.

I was always going to be in the tank for this though, having been the same age as the protagonist at the time, owning some of the same shirts as him and hanging some of the same posters on my wall. Despite the "My First Screenplay" beef I had up top, each supporting character gets something to do. Hill shows promise as a director (and the fingerprints of his influences) by being able to shift between poles of emotions in a matter of seconds.

69. McQueen (Ian Bonhote)- Although it waits too long to get into McQueen's depression, this documentary does an adequate job of showing the ups and downs of his life. It was great seeing things I've only read about, like the Voss show.

Here's the thing though: I'm not a genius, but if I were, I would hope that my closest friends and advisers would be able to articulate what made me great. A little less "We were working sixteen-hour days." A little more "He changed art forever."

68. Beautiful Boy (Felix Van Groeningen)- For better and worse, this portrait of a parent's worst nightmare is unrelenting. Surprisingly, the toughest moment is when Nic is fierce with pride, clean for fourteen months. Because when you pause and see that there's an hour left in the movie, you shudder at how low he might end up going.

Van Groeningen's sort of french braid of past and present hasn't changed for his English-language debut, but things worked best for me when he locked in on Timothee Chalamet's mannered but touching performance. I wish the movie had a proper ending.

67. The Kindergarten Teacher (Sara Colangelo)- This takes a little while to get sick and twisted, but I liked it once it did. Part of why it works is Gyllenhaal's commitment to the role. As dark as the character gets--and the film does seem hell-bent on establishing her as a failure when I'm not sure that's true--Gyllenhaal never judges her. It's probably her best performance since SherryBaby.

As for Gael Garcia Bernal, who plays a poetry professor who kisses people and then apologizes and says that he misread the moment and acts all bashful, are we sure about him? Are we sure he's good at acting?

66. The Spy Who Dumped Me (Susanna Fogel)- The spywork of the last half-hour is way too convoluted, but the comedy is fast and loose in service of a sweet female friendship. We're at the stage with the genius of Kate McKinnon in which I just assume that she came up with anything funny on the spot. For example, there's an off-hand joke that her character went to camp with Edward Snowden and was surprised that the news didn't mention how "into ska" he was. It's so bizarre that it had to be improv. Later, when Edward Snowden shows up as a character, I had to admit that the movie was tightly written. But I assumed it was McKinnon first. 65. Ready Player One (Steven Spielberg)- Halfway through Ready Player One, there's a sequence that takes place inside The Overlook Hotel of The Shining. The characters are walking through a photorealistic recreation of that setting, down to the smallest details, but it has been repurposed with different angles for this film. Not only have I literally never seen something like this in a movie, but I never imagined the possibility of such a thing existing. And somehow...it's corny and derivative.

So goes Ready Player One. It takes the simple pleasures of a Chosen One narrative with a killer villain, loads every corner of the frame with Ryu or Beetlejuice or a Goldie Wilson campaign poster, and punishes you with maximalism. Each piece reliably contributes to the whole, sometimes in thrilling and amusing fashion, but no matter when you check your watch, forty-five minutes are left.

When imdb came out, Steven Spielberg was one of the first people I looked up. What shocked me was how many projects I attributed to his direction when he had only produced them. In my kid brain, Spielberg had directed Gremlins or Goonies or An American Tail. They had his imprimatur of whimsy and wonder and childhood identification even if they were, you know, a bit more conventional and less purposeful than the movies he directed. Well, not since Tintin has there been a Steven Spielberg-directed film that feels more Spielberg-produced.

My favorite reference was the Battletoads. Or more accurately, imagining the seventy-two-year-old filmmaker going, "Oh, you know I gotta get the 'Toads up in this bih!"

64. Ben Is Back (Peter Hedges)- Despite a little bit of note-card screenwriting--"Get a line about how insurance doesn't care about drug addiction in there!"--The first two-thirds take their time revealing information to the viewer, dropping bread crumbs of the family history quite gracefully. Roberts and Hedges play off each other well, and their charisma powers the first half. She, of course, has an ample bag of Movie Star tricks, but, surprisingly, he already does too. You can see, in the confrontation at the mall, for example, how the mother's dissembling and conniving would pass down to him.

So it's a real bummer when the final third decides to separate the leads and rushes to a baffling conclusion. It falls apart like few movies in recent memory.

63. Avengers: Infinity War (Anthony Russo, Joe Russo)- Whatever. I admire the skill that it must have taken to balance the revolving wheel of characters--even if it does feel like check-ins half the time. The movie is exhausting in a bad way until it's exhausting in a good way. More importantly, here are my power rankings. (Their power in my own heart. Thanos is obviously the most powerful.)

1. Rocket 2. Hawkeye (Renner Season even when it isn't.) 3. The Collector 4. Black Panther 5. Thanos 6. Iron Man 7. Ned 8. Nick Fury 9. Star Lord 10. Thor (His scene with Rocket is the best one in the film.) 11. Gamora 12. Hulk (Your boy is so earnest in this. "They KNEW!") 13. Spider-Man 14. Wong 15. Okoye 16. Doctor Strange (Way cooler in this than his own movie.) 17. Captain America (His hair was beautiful.) 18. Drax 19. Pepper Potts 20. Falcon 21. Groot 22. Black Widow 23. Winter Soldier 24. Loki (Is he alive? Was he alive before this? Can he impersonate people or whatever even if he's dead? What's his deal?) 25. Scarlet Witch (Her first line is, getting out of bed, "Vis, is it the stone again?") 26. Gamora's Sister (No, you look it up.) 27. War Machine (Do you think Cheadle forgets that he's in these? Like, he misses a day of shooting just because he forgot?) 28. Vision 29. Whatever Peter Dinklage Was

62. The Old Man & the Gun (David Lowery)- Sissy Spacek's character explains, on a tour of her house, that she pulled up some wallpaper and found a signature from 1881 underneath, which is so unique that--ugly as it is--she couldn't bear to cover it. The movie is sort of about that. Does a way of life from a long time ago matter now?

Does it matter how you present yourself? How much does intention cancel out action?

The questions play themselves out in a way that is formally interesting--Lowery swish-pans and advances the scenes in a way that he hasn't since Ain't Them Bodies Saints--but informally pretty dull. Redford is engaging as possible, but I feel like I maxed out on my concern for a person who refuses to change.

I've had the Sean Penn "on one" scale for a long time, but I'm introducing the "off one" scale for Casey Affleck, who is so purposefully muted that he seems like he's going to pass out in some scenes. Keep doing you, Case. As far as acting goes.

61. Disobedience (Sebastian Lelio)- I admired how little the film spelled out about the setting and the characters' pasts. The beginning is cautious without being slow, and the women seem drawn to each other with a sort of magnetism that is difficult to pull off. While the triangle of people at the center is realistic and fair, the picture is ultimately a bit staid. I don't want melodrama out of the story either, but I do think it would work better if the characters were more passionate about anything, even the religion that makes them lack passion. 60. Crazy Rich Asians (Jon M. Chu)- This movie is sweet, and it nails the rom-com fulcrum scenes that it has to. Hear me out though: Both of the leads are winning, and Henry Golding's charm keeps us from acknowledging that his character is a psycho. Here is a list of things that, over the course of a year, he does not bother to tell his girlfriend:

a. That his family is the wealthiest in Singapore. Or wealthy at all. But more notably, he tells Rachel no details at all about his family, such as his brothers' and sisters' names. b. That he skipped an important trip home a few months ago, which caused a rift in his family. c. How to pack or dress for their trip to visit his family. d. That his mother did not want them sleeping together at her house, not that he "wants her all to himself." e. That his family wants him to take over their business, which would necessitate a permanent move to Singapore. f. That he went out with one of the women attending the bachelorette party, and that this woman has very good reason to sabotage Rachel and Nick's current relationship. g. That the wedding they're attending is also a super-rich affair that will be covered by international media. h. That the wedding party they're attending the night before is a formal affair with hundreds of guests, not the "family party" that he presents it as. By the way, this is one of the two times that he not only doesn't accompany her to an event, expecting her to meet him there and find him, but he doesn't even send a car. i. That he's thinking about proposing to her. "We haven't even talked about that stuff," Rachel tells her mother.

Communication is key, Nick.

59. Lean on Pete (Andrew Haigh)- I liked the first half and its patient doling out of information. Haigh sews quite a few credible threads to show why the gruff Dell would take a liking to Charley. When the film diverges into a drifter story, I got frustrated with it. To me, drifter characters aren't interesting because they take unpredictable actions, what enliven films, and make them predictable. A dine-and-dash is a dangerous, exciting thing to happen in a movie, but when this scared kid has already done so much similar running, it dulls that edge. This is Haigh's least successful film, but it's still empathetic and sensitive.

58. Hereditary (Ari Aster)- The first third of Hereditary is when it is at its most intimate and compact as a story of grief. And with the bridge of a genuinely shocking event, it becomes less Don’t Look Back and more of a hellish explainer.

Ari Aster is a master craftsman already, investing every element with intention, down to “Why are clocks so present in the frame?” That craft extends to Toni Collette, who is even better than she normally is. But in refusing to be mysterious and small, the film didn't connect with me on a level beyond admiration..

57. Gringo (Nash Edgerton)- The expository information about the company comes too late, the ending is too tidy, and I'm not sure what my girl Mandy Seyfried is doing in this. But it's funny overall, in large part because Theron and Edgerton bounce off each other beautifully, projecting a very specific brand of nouveau riche awful. She says, "Fat people are...hilarious," and he wears too many accessories in his pick-up basketball game, for which there's a running clock.

Many of these crime comedies fail because all of the characters are painted with the same cynical brush, but Oyelowo is so likable here as a frazzled guy in over his head, playing against the type of simmering dignity he inhabited as someone like Martin Luther King. I'm glad that he's getting at-bats with something this different.

56. Bad Times at the El Royale (Drew Goddard)- If you like table-setting (and I do), then this is going to be a fun time. Each room at the motel gets a two-sided mirror, each character is two-faced, many events are presented from two perspectives, and there's even a double in the title. It's hard not to share in Goddard's delight as he patiently lays out all of the Tarantinian pieces.

Once he has to start declaring things though, somewhere halfway in the meandering two and a half hours, the film doesn't end up having much to say. I'm not sure I wanted another Cabin in the Woods ending, but I did want it to add up to more than the modest pleasures that it does. Kudos to Chris Hemsworth and his dialect coach for finally piecing together a serviceable American accent.

55. Thunder Road (Jim Cummings)- As far as calling card movies go, this one is a pretty smart character study. It centers on how the things we find important, the impact of words in this case, can often be the things we struggle with the most, through dyslexia and spoonerisms and messed-up jokes in this case. That being said, no offense, the film would be 25% better with a more capable lead actor. 54. Annihilation (Alex Garland)- Much like Sunshine, another Alex Garland script, this story handles the mystery elegantly, with jolts of real horror, until we get where we're going, which doesn't live up to the promise. I do appreciate that it respects the viewer's intelligence--withholding answers to questions, sometimes never answering questions. I'm grateful that it exists. 53. BlacKkKlansman (Spike Lee)- Like Chi-Raq and Red Hook Summer, BlacKKKlansman would make for a hell of a YouTube compilation if you cut together its best moments. It's sharp and vital when it's at its best, which is pretty much any time it's commenting on the present, through "Now more than ever" Nixon campaign posters, mentions of how David Duke's policies might show up in Republican platforms, or the searing epilogue that brings back one of Lee's oldest tricks.

Like a lot of his recent work though, it's a mess tonally, and basic stuff like the timing of the cuts seems amateurish. I also think Lee's relationship with Terence Blanchard is hurting him at this point; the music doesn't match what's going on at all. I wish it hung together better than it does.

52. Widows (Steve McQueen)- This is the messiest film that Steve McQueen has made, which is its biggest strength and its biggest weakness. That loose quality allows for some expressive moves, such as when the alderman candidate takes a real-time two-minute ride from the poor area where he's campaigning to the tony area where he lives, in the same district. This is a film with admirable ambition to go with its cheap thrills.

But that same messiness produces as many bad performances (Farrell, Neeson, and, yes, Duvall) as it does good ones (Debicki, Henry, Kaluuya), and it elides so many moments near the end that I have lingering questions about whether a major plot point was even resolved. This is definitely the type of movie that has a three-hour cut that is better, and I still hope that director's cut doesn't waste five scenes on Debicki's prostitute relationship with Lukas Haas. (Where is his sliver of a face on the poster?)

51. The Death of Stalin (Armando Iannucci)- I feel as if I have to adjust to the astringency of any Iannucci property, and when I do, I laugh a lot. This movie is hilarious, and I'll save you from a list of the jokes that work the best.

Iannucci and his collaborators take one of the most violent, tyrannical periods of history and expose its perpetrators as sniveling, feckless children who might accidentally spit in their own faces as they're trying to spit on someone else's. Destabilizing those in power--in this case de-memorializing them--and portraying them as lost, scared humans is the goal of satire. So even though he does it so well, part of me wonders, "Is that it?" Bureaucracy is dumb? Isn't this an easy target? For what it's worth, I felt the same way about In the Loop, despite everyone else's praise. I'm waiting for Iannucci to find a weapon sharper than the middle finger.

50. Tully (Jason Reitman)- In a way, it's refreshing for a screenwriter to be bad at writing men. The outdated, clueless, manchild dad is the biggest weakness of the script, especially since everything else is pitched with such realism. There's also one scene that I hate but probably shouldn't spoil.

Put aside that character though, and this is a movie with wit, verisimilitude, and even a bit of visual agility. The protagonist--Marlo, a Diablo Cody name if there ever was one--has a special needs son, and I appreciated the honest way that Marlo's frustration with him sometimes outweighed her understanding.

49. Fahrenheit 11/9 (Michael Moore)- Fahrenheit 11/9 is diffuse, but it's effective enough to be in the top half of Moore's work. He stays out of it mostly (besides that familiar narration, as gentle as it is ashamed), but his heart is clearly in the searing Flint section. In fact, I wish he had made a documentary that focused only on that American travesty, not all of them.

He has the same challenge that many of us do--pointing out the crimes and perversions of Trump while keeping the high ground--and he doesn't always avoid the low-hanging fruit. Dubbing Trump's voice over Hitler's is the type of shit that people hate him for. At most turns, however, Moore's choices make sense. A long diversion into the Parkland kids, even though I find them kind of tiring personally, serves as an inspirational peak to the valley of any people of a generation or two earlier than them.

48. Isle of Dogs (Wes Anderson)- Many Wes Anderson movies are flippant about death and disease. When the effect works, it's refreshing and disorienting. When it doesn't, like in this movie, it feels cold, as if he's moving dolls around in a playhouse.

But in every other way, the sweet and wry Isle of Dogs benefits as a manicured chamber piece. The details are obvious (the tactile fur on all of the dog puppets), less obvious (a translation provides the legend "very sad funeral" to accompany a news story), and even less obvious (more than one joke about how many syllables should be in a haiku). If the narrative--jaded stray finds redemption through guileless child--doesn't offer much in the way of re-invention for the director, then I'm glad the large canvas does.

47. You Were Never Really Here (Lynne Ramsey)- I wanted an artsy crime film, and I got an artsy crime film. I have no idea if I liked it. It's bleak and groady, more of a violence movie than an action movie, concerned with the cycle of abuse and the oily spread of vengeance. It begins twenty minutes after most films of its type might choose to, and it begins in earnest at the hour mark. The atonal Jonny Greenwood score is a perfect approximation of whatever kind of dark clouds are floating in the protagonist's head.

Even when it doesn't work, the film is a reminder that Lynne Ramsey is a real artist. Although this doesn't come close to the catharsis and real-world relevance of We Need to Talk About Kevin, it reveals a focused point of view. Whether it's depicting a sequence through only surveillance footage or cutting to a half-second of flashback, she includes exactly what she wants to.

46. The Commuter (Jaume Collet-Sera)- I gave Non-Stop two-and-a-half stars, and this is a much more elegant version of Non-Stop. Even though it succumbs to gross CGI and outsized conspiracy, the class-conscious table setting is non-pareil, and it lets Neeson act his age.

45. Vice (Adam McKay)- Vice is a difficult film to evaluate because its greatest strength, the resolute, partisan, experimental point of view, is also its greatest weakness, the hand-holding, pedantic, antic point of view. There are moments in this film--the menu scene, the fake-ending--that are more inventive than anything else this year. And credit to McKay for a sui generis structure that covers thirty years in the first hour and two years in the second hour; if nothing else, he has the talent to make unitary executive theory fun.

It's a big, angry, auteurist, '70s swing, so it also takes a lot of chances that don't work and, quite obviously, it wields poetic license in the way that Ron Burgundy swished around a glass of scotch. Sometimes it doesn't know when to trust the viewer, like when it freeze frames and flashes "George H.W. Bush, President, 1989-1993" over a Bush-looking guy talking about "Barbara and I" as his son misbehaves in the background. Through no fault of McKay's, the story feels anti-climactic as well. Although I felt more distance than I expected from events that I consider recent history, the dominoes are still falling in the world that Cheney shaped.

One thing that is less debatable is Christian Bale's transformation into Cheney. That word "transformation" is used any time a famous person wears a wig. This performance, which spans decades and is not directly related to any of Bale's other work, is different. The portrait of Cheney is one of monolithic evil, which Bale suggests, but it's also grounded in reticent, clenched jaw micro-movements. Cheney, who is four inches shorter than Bale, seems like the smallest and biggest man in any room. At this point, if you told me Bale was playing Grendel, I wouldn't bat an eye. In fact, his Grendel might look a lot like Dick Cheney.

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taaroko · 6 years

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Post-IW MCU Rewatch: Ant-Man

Yay, time for Ant-Man! This one has rather grown on me over the last couple of viewings (not that I ever didn’t like it).

Hi middle-aged Peggy! (Isn’t it great how many times Hayley Atwell managed to get herself into these movies beyond what the original plan was, out of sheer enthusiasm? Yeah, I’m still bitter Agent Carter got cancelled.)

The music for the logo is awesome.

My killjoy brother says the main reason he dislikes this movie is that he doesn’t think it makes sense that Hank would ever trust some stranger (Scott) with his tech. Um. Hank has been protective of the tech because he doesn’t want it to be abused. But Scott proved he wasn’t a corporate goon by going to prison for screwing over a corrupt corporation. He’s proven himself. Also he doesn’t have the knowledge to make more of the particles, so he can’t steal any of the secrets himself.

Luis is probably my favorite sidekick in the whole MCU. He’s irrepressibly cheerful, he compulsively makes delicious-looking waffles, he’s a refined wine man and fan of neo-cubism yet also steals two smoothie machines, and when he goes into ramble mode it’s the greatest thing ever.

Anyone who has ever worked food service has met an idiot like Scott’s customer. Also his boss is basically David Brent. Trying way too hard to be cool, but kind of a git and a coward.

Scott’s attitude is super endearing. Very chill, understated reactions to things that annoy him. You get the impression that it’s not so much that he’s a very patient man as that he’s just so used to stuff like Luis’s antics that he’s become kind of inured to it. He’s also able to roll with the punches. Getting fired from Baskin Robbins could’ve made him bitter and angry, but instead he just kind of shrugs and takes that Mango Fruit Blast. He’s not prideful at all.

I called the tank being real by the second time the keychain appeared onscreen. Chekhov’s Tank!

Hello, Darren Cross, dude who is only not the worst MCU villain because Malekith exists. (How did Malekith manage to have less of a personality than Darren? It’s absurd.)

The ad video for the Yellowjacket is horrifying. Do people actually make ad videos for advanced weaponry? Do they narrate them with movie narrator voices and tidy up the diction to make them sound like wonderful good pieces of technology, but in a not-entirely-convincing way?

How is a hand on a shoulder such a sinister and obvious sign of impending murder?

Cassie is the most adorable little girl ever, and the kid playing her is a really good actress. I love that Scott is a dad. It makes him much more interesting. (Also is he the only divorcé in the entire MCU? Wait no, May is too. I think he’s the only one in the movies, though.)

“He’s so ugly! I LOVE HIM!” AAAAGH. SO CUTE.

I love that all the little details keep coming back. (The tank, the “La Cucaracha” horn.” Just lots of really good callbacks. It’s hard to believe this movie had production issues with changing directors.)

The way Darren kills that guy by shrinking him, and then wipes him up and flushes him, is ridiculously horrific. And the way he looks in the mirror after that is probably the most interesting he ever is in the movie. He knows the path he’s going down, and he’s not stopping.

So it’s not entirely clear. Is Hope dating Darren? Are they living together? Or are they just business partners? I’m confused.

YES LUIS STORY TIME. This is like Kid History, and it’s my favorite thing. Please please please make an MCU recap narrated by Luis, Marvel.

This music is weird and fun. I love it.

Scott parkouring is great. I wonder why he developed that skillset when he was just an electrical engineer. Has he been doing it since he was a kid?

Scott is like the midpoint between Tony Stark and Peter Quill in almost every way. Good at outside-the-box solutions, has engineering skills (but not at Tony’s level), a sense of humor that’s more self-deprecating than Tony’s but less wide-eyed dorky than Peter’s, etc. That’s awesome.

Could you be more transparently evil than using a bleating white lamb for your ill-fated lab experiments?

Huh. There’s a moment where Scott looks in the mirror too. Is that meant to be a contrast with when Darren does it? For Scott, it’s a moment where he resigns himself to failing, even though he caved and did the burglary. I don’t really see the connection, emotionally, to the way Darren looked in the mirror, but I guess one of them is the apprentice Hank rejected, and the other is the apprentice he ultimately chose. *shrug*

Ant-Man perspective is great. The encounter with the rat is terrifying.

You broke Scott’s chill, Hank!

Okay, so Scott’s actual superpower is changing his clothes at the speed of light. It was entirely unnecessary for them to give him such a small interval of time to get the suit on.

“What happens if I throw up in this helmet?”

There were zero bullet ants on the floor in the initial wide shot of the room. Also in the second wide shot. Which takes place two seconds before Scott tries to put his foot on the floor. Did they...forget to render ants in those shots? Or did they forget there were going to be ants there when they filmed from that angle? Gonna count that one as a mistake, because they could not have gotten all over the floor that fast.

They really needed to do more to explain about Darren’s brain chemistry getting messed up by the particles, because as far as I can tell, the first time he ever shrinks himself is on the helicopter at the end. How do these particles make him evil/crazy, exactly? What was he like before? What have the particles done to Hank?

Also they shouldn’t have explained the particles as changing “atomic relative distance” without also explaining that the suit allows you to control your weight relative to size. Because sometimes Ant-Man appears to weigh as much as he looks like he should, but the rest of the time, he’s clearly still 180 lbs in that tiny space (with the reverse problem when he becomes Giant-Man). If he always weighed 180 lbs while being the size of an ant, he would constantly punch through surfaces by walking on them, and if he was always the weight of an ant, he’d be powerless to do anything except be sneaky.

The montages in this movie are great.

Scott uses Hope’s move later. :D And she was totally checking him out.

Huh. Hope and Scott’s conversation in the car happens exactly halfway through the movie, and it’s the turning point. This is when they start being on the same team.

Hank’s revelation about Janet comes rather out of nowhere. I feel like they could’ve woven that in more effectively. It’s also a little exposition-heavy to entirely work on the emotional level.

This gesture by Scott is one of the best things.

I love the crossovers. Crossovers forever! (Seriously, put Thor cameos in future GotG movies and Loki cameos in future Doctor Strange movies. No, I don’t for a second believe Loki is really dead.)

Poor Sam. He missed out on Sokovia just to get trolled by this rando in a shrinking suit.

Hope saw Scott use her move! Hee!

Sinister hand on shoulder!

Okay, Hope’s “I’m at home” line is why I was confused about whether she and Darren were dating and living together. But it occurs to me now that there’s not really an implication that it’s his home too. So I think they’re just business partners. Good. Because Darren being double-crossed by his girlfriend and failing to react on that level would have made him a much worse character than he already was.

Seriously love Luis, and the other two guys are great too. Excellent crew of wombats.

I love the wallpaper in Hank’s house. Also, just, all of Hank’s house. It’s so pretty.

Okay I absolutely believe that Luis was the only guy to ever knock out that huge dude from the prison. He’s been knocking people out with single punches left and right on this job so far. I love him even more now! That’s such a cool little bit of consistency for him.

Is it true that cops use Crown Victorias as their undercover cars most often? Because I’ve kind of assimilated that as real-life trivia ever since theaters.

What was the point of frying the servers if they were just going to shrink the building to nothing anyway?

Kurt and Tip are hilarious. “There was a black guy who looked exactly like me who attacked us and put us in the back of this disgusting van!”

So if the Avengers have spent the last year taking down Hydra facilities, how are there still people in Hydra who can spend billions for Yellowjacket suits?

I thought Hank was going to die the first time I saw this. Now I’m betting this will be a How to Train Your Dragon situation with Ant-Man and the Wasp, where not long after we discover the long-lost mom, the dad gets killed.

Darren’s villain music is the best thing about him. It’s very unnerving.

All the fights while Scott’s in the suit are so much fun to watch.

“Are we the good guys? Feels kinda weird.”

I don’t like that the chain attachment on the tank also gets huge. And how does a tank cushion a three-storey drop?

That Darren is able to shoot ants is very silly and weird. Would’ve worked better if there was buckshot or something. But still. This movie made me care about an ant dying.

Dangit, Darren, you just killed everyone else in the chopper. You suck.

Briefcase fight! I remember how hard everyone laughed when “Disintegration” started playing in theaters. So great.

All the abrupt cuts from epic to insignificantly small are what make these fights so funny and awesome.

Bug zapper! I watched this with my dad recently (his first time seeing it) and he laughed so hard at the bug zapper.

Another tased Avenger!

So I thought this movie was going to be stupid, right up until the trailer got to the bit with Thomas the Tank Engine. Then I knew it was going to be amazing. It’s still probably my favorite moment in the whole movie.

They kinda overdid it with the “back it up” bit.

Giant ant! Poor Paxton.

Did anyone not see it coming from the moment Hank talked about going sub-atomic that Scott was going to have to do it at the end?

The infinite shrink is mesmerizing to look at. I bet this movie was cool in 3-D. (I have glasses, so 3-D is not so fun.)

Hi Janet!

The bottom half of that face in the photo actually looks kinda like Michelle Pfeiffer’s face. Nice work!

Hahaha, I love that Cassie kept the ant as a dog.

MORE STORIES FROM LUIS! The way he blinks too many times after he finishes is what really clinches it.

So yeah, I like me a heist movie, and it was definitely a brilliant decision on Marvel’s part to go small (figuratively and literally) with the next movie after Ultron. It is a mistake to think you always have to escalate your threats in a series. That was the problem for a while with Supernatural, and it’s definitely a problem in shows like Dragonball Z and Naruto too. Ant-Man was the perfect way to scale back and remind us that these movies are a ton of fun. I’m so glad that they did the same thing with the scheduling of Infinity War and Ant-Man and the Wasp, and I can’t wait for July 6.

I really hope Ant-Man and the Wasp does the same thing Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 did, and goes deeper with the characters instead of just getting bigger in scope. Because Ant-Man is one of the more surface-level movies in the MCU. Scott doesn’t really carry a lot of angst, so even though his arc is about proving he can be the hero Cassie sees him as, it’s pretty chill, with just a couple of moments where he loses...hope...(dang it) in his ability to make this work and be the dad he wants to be.

The bigger emotional arc was Hank and Hope, because Hope absolutely carries her angst and bitterness in a big way. They’re kind of a representation of what Scott and Cassie could end up being if Scott doesn’t get his crap together. And Darren is an evil parallel for Scott, obviously. All of the different arcs probably would’ve worked better if they’d spent enough time and effort on Darren to make him interesting. But the lack of depth in all of the arcs doesn’t ruin the movie because it’s a comedy. This is deliberately a light, fun comedy action movie, and it’s great.

Also it has a good and memorable soundtrack, so bonus points.

#ant-man #scott lang #hank pym #hope pym #mcu rewatch #Infinity War spoilers #marvel

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