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#like i do not talk anyone about my relationship because why would i
samandcolbyownme · 1 day
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Summary: After years of being split apart from your group, due to being taken and relocated by the Saviors, you run in to not only one familiar face, but specifically, the one you were searching for this whole time.
Warnings: strong language, apocalypse setting, swearing, mentions of knives, guns, bows, other weapons, mentions of killing (both humans and zombies), some descriptive text, reader gets taken by the saviors, mentions of scars, fighting, AGE GAP - friends to lovers, reader likes Daryl, Daryl hides the fact that he likes reader, some flirting, nothing too spicy lol
Word count: 4.9k | not edited also my first Daryl fic so be nice :)
A/N - I’m writing this for me, yes, but I’m also this for the ones who have a problem, I mean… are attracted to men old enough to be their father, so please do NOT read if age gap relationships make you uncomfortable! This also is more or less my version of the walking dead, the group meets Negan, but not like in the show.
FIVE • YEARS • AGO
There was no denying that you were Daryl’s favorite person to go on runs with, anyone that just showed up could tell you that.
You were fast. Efficient. Very get in and get out type of girl. You didn’t fuck around, and Daryl loved that - but he’d never tell you that himself.
He also swore to never tell you that he wanted you around him because you made him happy in ways that he didn’t really like to talk about.
You were like a breath of fresh air to him, you picked up what he liked and what he didn’t like almost right away, you were one of the very few people that he didn’t get tired of being around all the time, hence why you join him every time he goes on a run.
He wasn’t much of a talker, the very first two runs together, you got a few mumbles out of him, mainly telling you where to go and when to look out.
But, that was until your third run of many run with Daryl. It would be silent, and he would almost scare you with just talking outright.
It wasn’t more than a, ‘how’s your day?’
Or maybe a, ‘ya sleep last night? Y’look tired’
You would always give him a quick, straight to the point response, ‘tossed and turned all night, might need a new blanket or somethin’
Or you would tease him slightly with something along the lines of, ‘Days better now that I’m out runnin’ around with my bestie.’
He says he hated when you called him that, but he would always chuckle and try to hide his smile by pointing out something ahead.
You would go with it, rolling your eyes subtly before you squint, “Daryl, I think you’re seeing things.” You look over at him, “or you’re just scared to talk to me.”
He’d scoff, “Ain’t scared of nothin’, darlin’.”
All you could do was smile and look away, mainly to hide the red on your cheeks from being spotted.
It really wasn’t that Daryl was scared, it was just, as slightly embarrassing as he thinks, he didn’t know how to talk to you.
He would always try to remind himself that you aren’t this delicate little flower, you can handle yourself. If you couldn’t, he would have never stumbled upon you.
You both would keep moving, not really stopping unless a walker or something came out of the tree line. The more runs you added to the list, the more you realized that you were patient enough to wait on him.
You really did have all the time in the world.
Were you also young and twenty one years old? Sure. But in this world, you’d always like to think, What’s it matter, really?
You had to roll with what you found, and you got lucky that day Daryl found you under a fallen tree - long story short, he helped you out and as soon as he knew your name, he couldn’t help but want to bring you home with him.
And that’s what he did.
Daryl has also spoken, well, more or less make comments to Rick about the girl from the woods. He’d beat around the bush as his eyes followed you across the way, watching as Carol showed you around, “y’know that girl I brought in?”
Rock would nod, “Y/n?”
A smirk would play sure Daryl’s lips as he replays you taking out two walkers at the same time, “Little young, though. Ain’t she?”
Rick shook his head, giving Daryl’s shoulder a squeeze as he stood up, “You deserve what ever makes you happy, Daryl. We make our own rules now.”
——
“There was a convenient store on the corner of one of these roads.” You look at Daryl then glancing behind you, “I figured.. if we don’t find it today.” You glance back and then forward, “We can try and hit it another day.”
“Would ya stop fuckin’ doin’ that?” He looks behind you and then at you, “really freakin’ me out today, y/n. What’s goin’ on with ya?”
“Sorry.” You sigh, shaking your head, “I just have this really weird feeling like we should have just stayed back today.”
“You wanna go back?” Daryl stops as you take a few steps ahead before turning around. He nods back, “We’re not that far away, if y’feel safer goin’ back-“
“I’m not letting you go out there alone.”
“I’m not goin’ back.” Daryl was stubborn, but so were you, “Then so am I.”
He scoffs quietly, shaking his head as he nudges you with his elbow, indicating you to walk with him. You turn, staying a little bit closer to Daryl as you make your way down the road.
About an hour away, you stand up from the last of the boxes in a semi fallen down shed, “Nothing.” You turn to Daryl and he shakes his head, “Got the same over here.”
“No where?” You look around the room and he shrugs, “should prolly just head back, it’s gonna get dark here soon.”
The weird feeling you had from earlier returns and you sigh, “Not to be annoying, but I can’t shake this feeling.”
Daryl clenches his jaw, “Alright, it’s alright.” He picks up his crossbow, “C’mon now.”
It’s the way Daryl makes your heart warm with the simple, nonchalant ways he makes sure you’re okay, trying to make sure you’re calm without actually letting you know that that is what he’s doing, but you know.
You’ve come to know Daryl better than anyone in the few short months you’ve been at Alexandria.
“Did somethin’ happen or, what?” Daryl asks as he glances over at you, trying to keep up with your slightly faster pace.
You shrug, “I just feel like something is going to happen, Daryl.” You look over at him, “Something bad.”
——
Your feeling was proven to be worth something because the moment you entered through the gates, you were gunned down, Daryl, too.
“Gimme your guns.” A tall man says in a sing-songy tone as he bends down, looking you right in your face, “And your cross bow.” He looks over to Daryl and Daryl wasn’t going to give it up without a fight.
The man stands up, walking over to lean down in Daryl’s face, “Now.”
“Y/n. Do it.” Rick says catching your attention. Only your eyes move towards Rick, hands up as a gun is pointed right next to his temple, “Daryl. You, too.”
“I’d listen to your boss man, alright. I don’t feel like killing anyone today, which is..” the man tilts his head, scratching at his temple, “Odd, but anyone. Consider this your one time act of kindness because I can promise you, from here on out, ain’t gonna be purdy.”
You tilt your head, taking your gun from your shoulder and laying it down. You take your pistol and set it down next to the rifle, “That’s all I have.”
“Mm.” The man tilts his head, “I don’t believe you.” He grips your bicep hard, causing you to yelp as he yanks you forward and onto your feet.
“Let her fuckin’ go!” Daryl yells, and you know he’s already trying to get up, but the moment you get to look back, there’s a gun in his face, blocking his view of you.
You’re thrown up against the side of the old and dusty moving truck, groaning as your head ricochetes off the side with a thump, “Fuck, ow!”
You bring your hand up, pulling it away to see red when you feel a wetness on your skin.
“You mother fu-“ Daryl starts to yell, but the man puts a gun to your temple, “I’m just trying to do my job, now shut the fuck up or I’ll really give you something to fucking yell about.”
You keep your eyes on Daryl, watching as his eyes quickly move between you and the man holding you hostage.
“I’ll keep it professional.” He taps your shoulder, “Arat. Come check her for weapons.”
You were scared shitless.
You didn’t want to die, or anyone else to die.
Who are these people, you thought as the woman behind you slid her hands roughly over your body, “Simon. This is her.”
You head shot up as Simon, supposedly, laughs, “No fucking way.” He steps back, “Negan is going to love this.”
“Who’s Negan?” Rick asks and Simon turns around slowly to look at Rick, arms spreading out to his sides slowly, “We’re all Negan.”
Simon points to you with his thumb, “Load her up.”
The uproar that happens within your people is instant and there’s a shot fired into the air, making you flinch.
“That’s e-fuckin’-nuff.” Simon yells, “The girl is coming with us, and there’s-“ he raises his voice, “Nothing you can do about it.”
He walks you back to the truck, motioning with his gun for you to get in.
You take one last look at Daryl before you start to get in, heading Simon chuckle as he sighs, “Maybe you’ll see her again, maybe you won’t. We’ll be back with more orders. Until then, stay the fuck here or more we will kill your beloved.. whatever she is to you.”
Simon looks at Daryl, “You got that Robin Hood?”
Daryl holds his heated stare onto him and that’s the last thing you see before the door shuts.
——
“Well, well, fuckin’ well. What do we have here?” A deep voice boasts from behind you. You wiggle your wrists and close your eyes, feeling a presence move around you to your front.
You open your eyes and you’re met with a rugged dude in a leather jacket, a baseball bat that’s wrapped in barbed wire tightly secured in his fist, “You must be the girl who knows her way around those dead fucks out there.”
“What are you talking about?” You look up, eyes meeting the tall, older man and he just chuckles, “A few of my men saw you take on a group, I dunno, five or six deep..” he points to you with each word, “..All. on. your. own.”
You shrug, “I’ve been out there a while.”
“And how longs a while, sweetheart?” The man asks, squatting down in front of you.
“Two years with a group, three on my own.” You say quietly, your brain reminding you about the night had no other choice but to go off on your own.
“Holy shit.” The man shakes his head, “You hearin’ this shit, Simon?”
“Arat said it was her. I can get Gavin to confirm, too.” Simon answers and the man nods, standing up to pull a chair over in front of you, “If I untie you, you promise you’ll play nice?”
You were disgusted. You wanted to go home.
You wanted Daryl. You wanted Daryl more than anything.
You nod, hands gripping the arm rests as his knife slides between your skin and the rope, flicking the blade upward to get it to cut open.
He repeats it to the other side and leans back, “You seem like you have a pretty name.” He tilts his head, fingers rubbing over the stubble on his chin, “Do you have a pretty name, sweetheart?”
“Y/n.”
“Y/n.” The man repeats in a whisper, “Damn. That is pretty.” He shakes his head, smirking as his eyes take in your, very nervous figure sitting in the chair, “Look.”
The man leans forward, “I’ll tell you this, alright.” You keep your eyes off of him, which seemed to upset him. His voice grew louder and his hand reached up to tightly grip your chin, “Look. At. Me. When I am talking to you.”
You force your eyes to his and he picks up speaking where he stopped, “You’re a little spit fire out there, okay. Which mean, you’re a delicacy to your little asshole groupies back at that shithole, what was it called? Alex- some for bullshit?”
“Alexandria.” You mumble out, keeping your eyes on his. He tilts his head back, his hand still gripping your chin, “Oh, oh. Right. Yes. Alexandria.”
The door behind you opens and the man drops his hand, “Gavin, my man. I need you to tell me if this is the girl you say in the woods a few weeks ago.”
The man stands up, spinning the chair around for, presumed, Gavin to see you. His eyes move over your body, “Does she have a tattoo or some sort of mark on the back of her left arm?”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“When she lifted her arm, it-“
“Lift your arm for me, sweetheart.” The man spins you towards him and you have no other choice but to oblige, you strongly feel that the other choice is death, which you can not allow to happen now.
You pull your shirt sleeve up and the man scoffs, “Bing-fucking-o.” The man shakes his head, “Get a team together, we’re going to meet the people of Alexandria earlier than expected.”
He looks to you, “Take her up to a room. A good room. She hasn’t done anything to not deserve it yet.” He winks at you and you look down as you feel a hand grab your bicep to lift you to your feet.
“Do you have any questions for me?”
You stop, turning to look at the man with the baseball bat resting on his shoulder, “Who are you?”
“Oh, sweetheart.” He walks over, tilting his head as he looks down at you, “I’m Negan.”
——
Your first day here was scary. You cried yourself to sleep, worried both about Daryl and the rest of Alexandria.
By the next morning, You were itching to get out, constantly looking for a way to escape, but they had so many people, no matter where you looked, you had eyes on you at all times.
To your surprise, the last week you spent with what you heard them call themselves, The Saviors, wasn’t in a stone cell like you pictured them doing the second you left that room on the first day.
You really didn’t know why.
You kill zombies, big deal. Doesn’t everyone else on this fucked up planet?
“Come with me, honey pie.” Simon says as he pulls you along with him, “Your time to shine.”
You’re taken outside, squinting at the brightness of the sun shining down from above. You couldn’t help but take a deep breathe, it’s the first time you’ve been outside in days.
“Get in and scoot over.” Simon commands and you climb up into the truck, your eyes meeting Negan’s as he steps up to sit into the passengers seat.
You don’t say a word to him. You just face forward as Simon smooshes you between him and Negan as he closes the door.
“So you and Robin Hood, huh?” Simon asks, referring to Daryl. You shake your head in response.
“Listen, sweetie. One thing we do around here, is answer people questions, with the words we learned how to speak. Got it?”
“Yes sir.” You say, clearing your throat, “No, me and.. Robin Hood are not a thing.”
“Seems to care about you like he does. You catch onto that Negan? The way he wanted to rip your throat out yesterday?” Simon chuckles, “Aw the look in his, man. I tell you what though, if looks could kill, you would have been dead.”
“Gonna have to take more than a nasty look to kill me.” Negan chuckles deeply, “Oh looky here.” He points, looking over at you as he sings, “honey.. we’re home.”
Your heart was racing as you seen Rosita motion to open the gate.
You watch her face shift into a shocked look when she caught glimpse of you through the windshield.
As you drive in, coming to a stop, you already see Daryl, front and center with Rick.
“C’mon.” Simon motions to you and you slide over, allowing him to help you down before you follow him around the truck. He pulls you closer to him, the click sending a shiver down your spine.
“Alright. Here’s the deal. You all want your badass, Duffy the zombie slayer black, but I don’t know.” Negan glances back at you, “She could be useful to me.”
You see Rick tighten his grip on Daryl’s vest and you send him a loving look.
“That thought didn’t even cross my mind, but you know what, how about this, If you want y/n back, give us half of your food today, and I want, we’ll make it easy.. ten guns by next week.”
“T-ten guns?” Rick asks baffled, “by next week? Negan that’s.. don’t you think that’s a little impossible?”
“Fine, make it fifteen by Friday, or you can say goodbye to the only chance you all actually have at surviving.” Negan points to you, “As you can she, she’s alive and well, now.”
Negan motions to the truck, “Let’s go.”
You shake your head and Simon grabs your arm roughly and you pull back, letting your fear get the best of you, “No, please. Nono, please no! No!”
Your pleads only set everyone on your side off, yelling and trying to push past the wall of Saviors.
Knives are drawn and you’re held to Negan’s chest, “Listen here! I make the rules. I have something you want and now, you’re going to go off and fuckin’ get me what I want. I’m done negotiating.”
“Negan, please. Just let y/n stay an I pro-“
Negan cuts Rick off, “You promise what, Rick? Huh? You already doubted yourselves with getting ten-“ He gasps, “Sorry, I mean fifteen by next Friday.”
He laughs, shaking his head, sighing as he brings his bat, Lucille, next for your face, “what makes you think you can handle the load of getting this thing here back.”
Daryl’s eyes squint as Negan calls you, this thing.
You swallow, glancing around.
You can take on six walkers, but not this many saviors, the walkers didn’t have rifles pointed at the people you’ve come to love and care for.
“Why are-“ Negan scoffs, “Why are we even still discussing this? You know what. Fine.” He pushes you to the back of the truck and you stumble, silently begging for help.
“If you’re going to cause this big of a fuss instead of just doing as I say..” Negan looks at you, “Then no one can.”
He shrugs, pointing Lucille at the open back, “Get in, or I kill someone.”
——
P R E S E N T • D A Y
You held your breath as you pushed your back up against the tree, waiting for the stray walker to move past you, knife at the ready just in case.
You slip around the tree, opposite way from the dead before you continue your journey through the woods.
It’s been, almost five years since you were left stranded in the middle of god knows where by Negan and his Saviors.
You weren’t even sure if they were still a thing or not, but jokes on them, you’re still alive.
And you’re full of fight.
You stopped at the river, bending down to feel the cool water on your fingertips. You’ve been walking all day, and you just needed to take a second.
You look up, taking in the scenery for a few moments before it all starts to becomes, familiar.
You stand up, looking around as your heart starts to pound. You shake your head, laughing slightly as you bend down to grab your bag.
If this is the river you were thinking of, then this river runs directly past your grandfathers cabin, and you can only hope that if Daryl was alive and out there looking for you, that he comes this way.
He should know about this, you stumbled upon it while on a run the one day. You remember about it, but all you knew was that it was next to the river that looked really pretty when the sun was setting, and it still does.
You only had about two hours of sunlight left, and you didn’t know how far you had to go yet, or even if you were going in the right direction.
If this cabin was here, maybe you could finally get a decent nights sleep, that is if it isn’t destroyed by walkers and the storms that plow through.
“I’m going to go get some more firewood.” A woman’s voice sounds through the trees. You stop, moving, furrowing your brows as you try and listen, but she’s already moving, walking away from the small building.
Your cabin.
You feel like you could throw up.
You turn around, trying to see if you can get a glimpse of who she was talking, too, but nothing.
“Raise your hands and turn around slowly.”
You whip around, catching her off guard before her face settles, “Holy shit.” Carol laughs slightly, “Daryl is going to lose his mind.”
She pulls you into a hug and you hear her sniffle, “oh my god, look at you.” She leans back, hands sliding over your hand and down your face, “You grew up.”
You smile slightly, your mind going back to who’s in the cabin, “Is he in there?”
“Every chance he got.” She shakes her head, “So much has happened.” You see the pain in her eyes but you opt to keep things happy right now, “we can talk later. I want to see Daryl first.”
She nods, brushing hair from your face, “Im so happy you found your way back.”
“It was hell, but right now, totally worth it.” You take a deep breath, “You go in first.”
She nods, walking a head of you as she leads you back towards the cabin, “Hey Daryl.” Carol calls as she smaller back at you, “I found something that you’re going to want to see.”
You stand by the fire, the glow illuminates you as you stand there waiting to see his face for the very first time in five years.
The feelings you had, never went away.
“What’d ya fi-“ His face falls and his arms go limp by his sides as he shakes his head, “No fuckin’ way.”
Tears well up in your eyes as Daryl slowly steps down off the porch, “No fuckin’ way.” He looks at Carol and back to you before quickly making his way over to you.
“Where the hell ya been?” He grabs you, pulling you into his chest tight, “I thought you were dead, I-.” He leans back, looking over your slightly older looks.
“Negan told us that he watched you get attacked by walkers.” Carol chimes in, finishing what Daryl couldn’t, “He brought back your necklace, there was blood on it.. we didn’t..”
You keep your hands on Daryl, your fingers moving under the sleeve of his jacket, “Negan snapped that necklace off my neck before they dumped me in the middle of nowhere.”
Daryl scoffs, pulling you closer to rest his chin on your head. Carol smiles as she watches the affectionate radiate off of him.
“They drove me way past the city, too. I don’t know. I’m pretty sure they drugged me or something because I was out for most of the trip.”
You feel Daryl’s grip tighten with your words and you shake your head, laying a hand on his bicep, “So much happened.”
You think back to all the stuff you had to do just to make it back to here, cringing at yourself.
“Ya hungry?” Daryl asks changing the subject and you nod, “Starving.”
——
Since the minute you found them, Daryl hasn’t left your side, and Dog right by his.
You were able to handle the news of the deaths and destruction among your group and homes, it hurt to hear, but it’s better that you know how than walking in expecting everything to be all sunshine and rainbows.
ou cried, but there was one question you needed the answer to.
“Are the Savior’s gone?” You looked up at Carol as she looks to Daryl. Your attention moves to him and he nods, “Ah, yeah. Yeah. But..”
“What?”
“Negan is at Alexandria.”
You’re on your feet, “What.”
“It’s only tem-“
You turn, walking away from Carol as she tries to explain, but you walk over to a tree, pressing your hand into it.
As you take a few deep breathes, you feel someone walking up to you, “I just need a minute.” You tilt your head, closing your eyes as you swallow the feeling of wanting to puke away.
“S’alot to process.” Daryl mumbles, unsure of what to do, “Take your time.”
Do you resent him now?
Are you going to leave again?
He wanted you to know everything, but he wouldn’t have if that meant you leaving again.
“Daryl?” You wave your hand in front of his face and he blinks, “Sorry I just..” he shakes his head, “please don’t leave me again.”
“Leave you again?” You laugh slightly, letting out a sigh, “Why would you think that I’d leave you? I’ve been looking for you.”
“I haven’t stopped. I came here because I-“
You smirk slightly, “Because you actually paid attention to your bestie?”
He gives you a small smirk, shoulders heaving as he laughs ever so slightly, “You’ve changed..” Daryl brushes his hand over your hair, his thumb gently brushing over your face, His brows furrow, “when did you get this?”
His finger brushes over the scar on your top lip, “Did someone do this t’you?”
“One of those assholes that pushed me out of the car, hit my face on a rock.” You shake your head, “It’s just a scar, Daryl.”
Which was one of many you have received.
“Sorry I-“
“Don’t. Don’t do that.” You shake your head, “What happened to me wasn’t your fault, okay.”
All he does is nod but you frown slightly, “Have I ever told you that I liked you?”
“I don’t think you’d come on runs with me if ya didn’t.” Daryl looks at you and you tilt your head, “No, like..” you bite your lip and sigh.
He laughs slightly, “M’old enough to be your daddy, y/n.” You smirk up at him, getting ready to say something but he pulls you towards him, “Watch out.”
Natural instinct, you have your knife in your hand within a second and you both swing around, the blades of your knives entering the dead’s skull in unison.
You look at the knives and back to Daryl, “Either way I look at it.” You pull your knife from the walker, “You and I will always have unfinished business to take care of.”
Daryl shakes his head as he withdrawals his knife, “You think?”
You lay your hand on his chest, “I know.”
You couldn’t let yourself feel what you’ve pushed through, but both Carol and Daryl can see that.
“Hi, boy.” You bend down to pet Dog, your shirt riding up to reveal a slightly bigger scar than on your lip. Daryl’s eyes fixate on it right away and he clenches his jaw.
Before he can ask, you stand up, “You fix up everything?”
“Yeah, go take a look.” Daryl sniffles and walks towards Carol as you walk into the cabin. Memories of growing up here flood through, almost breaking that barrier until Dog pushes between your legs, whining as he trots in.
“Do you need anything?” Carol asks walking up beside you. You shake your head, hesitating to look over at her at first, “No, no. I’m good.”
“We can head back to Alexandria in the morning.” She rubs your back, “It’s really good to have you back.”
You smile, nodding, “It’s really nice to not be alone.”
“What happened out there?”
You shake your head sluggishly, “I don’t-“
“Okay.” She says quickly as Daryl walks in. You look up at him, “I think I’m going to go lay down.” You walk over to where your bag is and sit down.
You bring your knees to your chest, eyes focusing on Dog as he glows in the light of the fire.
A few moments later, Daryl’s footsteps move closer to you. He stays silent as he moves to sit next to you. He brings his arm out, laying it around your back as he pulls you into his side.
You immediately fall into him, your head on his chest, arm around his torso. He inches back, just enough to lean against the wall for support.
Daryl looked down at you, gently playing with strands of your now long hair, it was just a little past your shoulders when you were separated.
You lost weight from having to scavenge for any food that was safe to eat.
He knew what you went through was tormenting you, he just wanted you to know that you aren’t alone.
“Look at me, y/n.”
You roll over into your back, head in his lap as you stare up at him.
“When you’re ready to tell someone, m’here f’ya.”
You close your eyes as his hand strokes over your hair. You haven’t felt this safe in a while, so you were just trying to soak it all in without having to worry every single second of the day and most nights.
“I love you.” Daryl whispers, “Should’ve told you that years ago.”
“It’s about time you say those words to me, Daryl Dixon.” You sit up, keeping your chest on his arm as you lean in, “I love you.”
——
I started to hate this towards the end but I NEEDED to get this off of my chest. I hope you enjoyed. As always, I love you so much. Thank you for reading! 🖤
likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!
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londonfog-chan · 18 hours
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I Will Not Keep My Mouth Shut About this High School Romance Between Eddie Munson x Reader (Headcanons)
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Why lord? Why are we not talking about this?
I’ve dated metalhead guys in the past, and believe in me when I say these fuckers move fast.
Eddie is no exception to this rule. He loves hard and quickly, especially if you’re into the same things he’s into as well.
I’m talking balls to the wall insanity like: the day won’t even be over and he’ll have already asked you out, kissed you, offered you weed, and secretly be planning the names of the four kids he wants with you.
Mans is delulu as fuck for you.
As much as he has his passions there’s just something about the fact that you actually gave the town freak unconditional love that makes him desperate. Corroded Coffin, Hellfire Club, he’d pick you over them any day if it meant he got to keep you.
Guarantee, you’ll already have gone all the way before the weekend is up of that first week of the relationship.
Cherry boy cherry boy cherry boy.
But he knows what he’s doing. It will have been awkward but the best part is now “Rainbow in the Dark” makes you feel all hot under the collar and “Shame on the Night” makes you laugh and reminds you of the awkward panic cleaning up after.
The epitome of live fast die young. He will throw his life away if you ask him to, so make sure you use your powers wisely.
At some point Eddie will ask you to run away with him. He doesn’t give a shit where, so long as it’s with you.
Shared interests are probably how the two of you met in the first place, especially if you’re like me and unable to beat the weird kid allegations. You drifted towards his club because you for whatever reason were an outcast too.
Eddie would probably crush on those who are conventionally pretty, popular, the epitome of the 80’s beauty standards. That’s just human nature. But with you… it’s so much more different.
You’re like his nerdy fantasies come to life, like the princesses he writes about in his campaigns that are a mix of dark, dangerous, able to hold their own and fight for him and with him. Think of if you will a sexy bombshell rotoscoped into those old metal music videos. Facing the world wearing only red lipstick and a cocksure expression.
He would get along so well with someone who wasn’t afraid to let their wild side show, or to express it. But at the same time if you’re more shy and reserved, he is determined to help you come out of that shell and be the best possible version of yourself.
It’s impossible not to match his excitable energy, it’s just so goddamn contagious. It might scare you how far you’re willing to go for Eddie and how quickly you might find yourself changing. Because believe me, you will change, and it will be for the better.
Eddie will always be your number one hype man.
He will literally be so excited about everything you do because it’s you! The person he loves more than anyone in this whole entire world.
Eddie will literally put up with so much for you. Even if you guys fight he will struggle to maintain his composure because he does not want to fuck this beautiful thing up.
Drives himself up the wall with anxiety about it too. But that’s the thing about Eddie’s dynamic with you: is that he will do what it takes to keep his fucking cool around you.
Your fights are infrequent but can get explosive if there are unsaid insecurities. So to avoid this: keep honest with him. About everything. Don’t lie to him, because as fast as he fell for you, lying is the quickest way to break his trust and send him packing.
One of his flaws in the relationship is that his insecurity that this will all go away will make him all that more prepared to leave if you have a massive blow up fight.
Like he’s already preplanned his exit strategy and everything.
But the longer you’re together, the more comfortable he gets and eventually he settles down from jumping the gun into taking things one day at a time.
He’s a fucking keeper. And all I’m gonna say is you better start training with swinging a blunt weapon because once you have him, you’re going to be right there in the Upside Down fucking up some monsters keeping them away from your man.
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formulawolff · 12 hours
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iv. raising the stakes - t.w.
pairing: female driver! x toto wolff
word count: 2.0k
warnings: cursing, age gap, mentions of divorce, power imbalances, mentions of age gap relationships, sexual references, toto wanting to be with you every second of every day, YEARNING, pining, yadayadayada, the works y'know
prev. | next.
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“don’t tell me it’s that fucking nitwit.”
the team principal nearly growls, fury oozing into every single word. 
“i haven’t talked to him in a while,” panic starts to flare up, “fuck, fuck, fuck. what do i do?”
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“ignore him?” 
“i can’t do that,” you suck in a breath, “you need to go to my room. just sit on my bed or something until he leaves.”
“scared he’s going to catch on or something?” toto arches a brow, his tone shifting from scorn to a light-hearted tease, “oh schatz, are you worried your little boyfriend won’t like that you’re with another man?”
“no,” you scoff, “you know exactly what would happen if daniel saw both of us. go to my room. stay there until he leaves.”
“fine,” he rolls his eyes, clambering to his feet. he stretches slightly, wincing, “that was not my best idea.”
“that’s what happens when you’re an old man.”
the remark lights a new fire in toto, the austrian licking his lips, “oh don’t worry love, this old man will you show you soon he’s actually–”
“get. in. my. room.” you hiss, scrambling to your feet. 
“fine, fine,” he exhales, nodding towards the end of the hall, “i assume that’s it?”
“yes,” you affirm, “just stay there. answer some emails or something.”
“will do,” he whistles, turning on his heel. 
once the door to your room closes, you clear your throat. your voice was probably shaky from what just occurred. hell, even your brain felt like it was a pile of mush. 
there was not a single thought rattling around, your memory only replaying a constant loop of what just happened. 
oh fuck. you realize your shorts were completely soaked. and it was noticeable. although you weren’t going to be opening your legs, you were obviously flustered. 
time to act like nothing ever happened. 
quickly, you throw a blanket over you, “come in!”
daniel pokes his head in, a bright grin enveloping his face, “hey there, winner, winner!”
“how are you?” 
“i’m okay,” he shrugs, crossing over to the couch, “were you watching something? i thought i heard some voices.”
“oh yeah,” you nod fervently, “i was just watching some tik toks before you came in.”
“sorry it’s so late,” daniel fiddles with a loose thread on his shorts, “i figured i would come by after all the press and all that. you must be tired, yeah?”
“a little bit.
“it was a huge day for you,” he points out, “i’m happy for you. i really am. i couldn’t think of anyone who deserved that win more than you.”
you can’t help but feel a grin form, “thank you, danny.”
“also,” he lets out a shaky breath, “i feel like i owe you an explanation why i’ve been so distant this last week.”
“oh daniel you don’t have to–”
“but i do,” he interjects, his voice so quiet you had to lean forward to hear it, “i guess when you asked me that question after bahrain, i was confused. to tell you the truth, i was confused about how my feelings for you. i guess i never really addressed the feelings i had for you until you brought it up. yeah, i do have feelings for you. i am attracted to you. but i can’t act on them because i know that you would never pursue me in that matter. you’ve always seen me as one of your best friends, and that’s okay. i figured i would take a step back so i could heal without hurting you or lashing out. because it’s not your fault, it’s all been one-sided.”
“daniel i–”
“you don’t have to say anything,” he shakes his head, avoiding eye contact, “i had to heal on my own. i had to come to terms without bringing you into it. it would have been immature of me to make you feel like you had to reciprocate the attraction. besides, i feel like you’re attracted to someone else.”
your heart nearly stops beating for a moment, eyes widening, “oh – um, i–”
“you’ve always spoke so highly of carlos, and with the way you look at him, i have a gut feeling you like him.”
you can clearly picture toto in your room, leaning against the door, listening to every word. this meant you had to tread these waters carefully. 
very carefully. 
“oh daniel,” you begin, “at the moment, i’m not attracted to anyone on the grid. if anything, i see most of you guys like my brothers. it’s the best group of friends i could have ever asked for. if i were to have romantic relationships with any of you guys, i feel like it would diminish the bonds we have. also, i just don’t think it’s very professional. we have to keep things professional, you know?”
“i understand,” daniel’s eyes meet yours, and you can’t help but see nothing but anguish, “i appreciate you, i really do. can we just act like you never asked that question?”
“of course.”
“i love you,” daniel leans forward, scooping you in an embrace, “you’re the best. i’d stay and chat about your big win today, but i bet we’re both exhausted. i’ll text you, okay?”
“okay,” a giggle bubbles up as daniel shakes you back and forth, “i love you too, danny.”
“i’ll see ya around,” he places a swift peck on your temple before getting up, “sleep well. you deserve some rest.”
“you too,” you murmur, waving as the australian strolls out, “see you around.”
“byeeee!”
once the door shuts, you flop backwards, breathing out a sigh of relief. 
that seemed to go well. 
shooting up, you remember that there was a very large, very handsome austrian man waiting for you in your room. wrapping the blanket around your shoulders, you spring up, nearly jogging down the hall. 
pushing open the door, your breath hitches in your throat. 
instead of being wide awake, toto is slumped on your bed, limbs sprawled out. light snores fill the air, his chest rising and falling. rays of moonlight cascade into the space, shrouding him with a soft glow. 
quietly, you make your way to the bed, discarding your shorts and underwear. after seeing the clothes on the floor, you realize you may as well ditch the top too. peeling it off, you toss it, burrowing under the comforter. 
toto stirs, blinking, “how long was i– oh my god.”
you can’t help but smirk as he’s left speechless, mouth agape, eyes nearly as wide as saucers, “not long. daniel only came over for about fifteen minutes.”
“and you didn’t wake me the moment you started taking off your clothes?”
“i didn’t know i was supposed to,” you tease, scooting towards the principal, “you don’t have to leave. you can stay.”
“i don’t know if i should,” light kisses pepper your nose, cheeks, and forehead, “they’re probably all wondering where i ran off to. i’ve been gone awhile and haven’t been answering my texts or calls. if i’m not careful, they might send out a search party.”
“lewis hamilton can’t be without his team principal for one second?” 
at your response, toto laughs, his chest vibrating against your shoulder blades, “you’d be surprised. at times i wonder if i adopted him as my own. george too.”
“please?” you roll over, facing him. for extra measure, you jut your bottom lip out, ensuring that your lashes flutter as you blink, “please stay?”
“hmmm,” he hums, leaning in, “what’s my incentive for staying?”
“you know, not everything is a business transaction.”
“i just wanted to hear you beg a little.”
the truth of the matter was that the team principal knew if he stayed, he would be in too deep. even further deeper than he already was. 
oh, toto wolff was already weak for you. 
but now? 
it was far worse than he could ever imagine. 
there was just something about you that he couldn’t shake. as you laid beside him, moonlight swathing your figure, he couldn’t resist admiring. fuck, you were just so gorgeous. 
however, that was not the only thing that drew him in. your aura alone was attractive enough. confident, radiant, oh so intelligent, and level-headed. also, you were unapologetically yourself. toto needed that. he needed someone to match his energy. 
the fact that you were one of the best drivers on the grid was just a bonus to the plethora of qualities that he adored. 
of course, there was that ever-present thought looming in his mind. 
if a single soul found out about this blossoming relationship, every aspect of his life would come crumbling down. 
his children would shun him. he would be let go from his esteemed position at mercedes. the fia would exploit his wrongs in every way imaginable. the media would have an absolute frenzy. his drivers would no longer speak to him. 
and susie? oh god. 
although there was still a band gleaming on his left finger, the marriage with susie had devolved three years ago. the papers weren’t signed until several months ago, the team principal keeping that matter private. merely for the sake of his ex-wife and children. wearing the band was simply a promise he made with susie for the time being, to keep the public thinking that they were still happily married. 
the divorce would be announced at the end of the 2024 season, just so that the media wouldn’t speculate. 
although, they already speculated more than he liked. 
yet, there was this part of him that urged him to take that risk. to pursue you. to get to know every part of you. to learn, cherish, and love you in every way possible. 
you were his golden girl, without a doubt. 
a shining ray of light that deserved the world. 
and by god, he was more than determined to give you that.
“toto,” your eyes were closed, lashes fluttering as a hand ran through your hair, “can you please stay?”
“if i stay,” the team principal shifted his body, propping himself up with an elbow, “i’m going to have to leave early. probably before sunrise so that i’m not spotted.”
“you could just disguise yourself.”
“right,” a light chuckle flows his lips, “i’ll find a mustache and stick it on. no one would ever dare recognize me then.”
“you think?” fuck, your giggle was going to be the death of him. 
“i know,” leaning over, he presses a kiss on your temple, “i’ll stay, schatz. just don’t be disappointed if you wake up and i’m not there. all right?”
“all right,” you nod, sleep slurring your words. 
quickly, toto unbuttons his shirt, discarding it to the floor. fuck, it was probably going to be wrinkly in the morning, but he didn’t care. as long as he got to spend a few more hours with you, it would make up for it. standing, he unbuckles his belt, slacks falling to the floor. 
pulling the comforter back, he curls up next to you, bringing you close to his chest. 
“you know, sixteen-year-old me would be screaming, crying, throwing up, right now.”
“is that right?” his chest rumbles as he laughs, “well, we’ll have create a time machine to let sixteen-year-old you that all of her dreams come true.”
“are you sure you don’t have a crush on me, mr. wolff?”
“like i said before schatz,” his arms squeeze you gently, “crushes are for children.”
“then what is it?”
“we’ll have to find out,” toto found his eyelids drooping as you snuggle closer, “goodnight, golden girl.”
in his heart, toto knew the answer all too well. 
if the two of you continued to meet like this, one of you would be bound to want a relationship. with such a bright future ahead for you, would you even want to settle down at mercedes with a man like him? a previously divorced man going through a potential midlife crisis? 
additionally, if the two of you continued to meet like this, one of you would be bound to fall in love. 
and if that was the case, the stakes would only be higher. 
not only would be acquiring one of the best drivers in formula one’s history, he would be acquiring the girl he loved. 
and god, was he determined to make that happen. 
by any means possible. 
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taglist: @toldyouitwasamelodrama
please let me know if you would like to be added to the taglist! thank you for reading! <3
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mlmarint · 20 hours
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so here’s my thoughts about the “daddy issues” thing with the whole anti tommy shit
you guys are such fucking hypocrites
i would be totally on board with someone bringing that it’s not okay to sexualize someone’s trauma if that was the case. but guess whaaaaaaat???? THATS NOT THE CASE. and it’s not “terrible dialogue” either, there’s so many scenes with terrible dialogue in this show, but some of you should really stop and ask yourselfs WHY you didn’t like this one.
if eddie was the one to make a comment like that some of you’d be OVER THE MOON. i’ve NEVER seen ANYONE in this fandom talk about how a LOT of the buddie explicit fanfics have a daddy kink on it. and before any more comments, i REALLY HATE buddie fics with daddy kink because it always reminds me of christopher and do NOT want to think about christopher in that moment.
“that’s not the problem. the problem is that once again buck it’s with someone who doesn’t care about his trauma” oh grow the fuck up.
tommy LITERALLY decided to not date buck because he thought buck wasn’t ready for it, he gave buck his space, he at first didn’t want to go to maddie and chimney wedding with buck because he thought buck was acting on impulse and wanted him to take his time to be okay with who he is, and after he was sure he tried his best to be on time to his date.
and also!!!! buck is a little “freak” in bed guys, he was a literal sex addict in season 1. every now and then the show reminds us this (like the ring cutter scene), also this is the second buck’s relationship with someone who’s like older than him. i wouldn’t be surprised if buck has a canon daddy kink because GUESS WHAAAAAT some people who have daddy issues??? THEY HAVE DADDY KINKS!!!!!
but you guys wanna know what i truly think?
i think that some of you (these tommy antis) are only here for buddie. you’re not here for the show, you’re here for buck and eddie. you’re not here for all these amazing characters!!! you’re not here for the fact that buck being a bisexual man discovering that side of him in his 30s its one of the most important things that happened in this show when we’re talking about lgbt+ characters and the importance of having something like that to be on media.
you’re not here for bi buck, you’re only here if this means that eddie will be with him. you’ll won’t be here if they decide to give a eddie queer discover story non related to buck on season 8 (and i truly think we’re going that way).
you only liked buck and tommy when you could sexualize two man kissing.
if you want to talk about something that is not okay that tommy did why don’t you rewatch the older episodes he’s in? he wasn’t a nice person back then and honestly i would like for them to bring that up!!! for them to show how a person can change and grow out of their prejudice and realize that they don’t need to be an ass and be okay with who they truly are. in fact why don’t we talk about how they hinted the fact that tommy didn’t like who he was when he was working with gerard? that he doesn’t like gerard and that he was a toxic person and that tommy grow up with a racist, homophobic and sexist dad???? that’s why he wasn’t a nice person back than but he’s different now and he’s a proud gay man and that once again that’s a nice thing to have on media because it shows how it’s NEVER too late to come in terms with who you are and change the way your are for better????
tommy isn’t perfect (and no one that he hurt before seems to actually care about it cause he did truly changed), but that doesn’t mean you need to cancel the guy FOR ONE SINGLE comment!!!! part of the 911 team made fun of buck for being sexually assaulted by his therapist but no one canceled them for it, did they?
honestly i am so fucking tired with fandoms in general.
at this point i hope we don’t get buddie being canon FOR A LONG TIME cause i want you guys to suffer with tommy and buck being in a happy relationship.
just remember: eddies it’s not canonical queer yet, there’s hints of it and they probably are going on that road with the whole thing they’re saying on interviews, BUT buck IS BISEXUAL and HE IS dating TOMMY you like it or not and it’s by far the most healthy relationship he EVER had in this show, can’t you be happy for him????
you can be a buddie shipper and still enjoy bucktommy because what we should truly want more than anything it’s buck and eddie to be happy with who they are.
and I SAY ALL THIS BEING A BUDDIE SHIPPER FOR YEARS
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queensunshinee · 3 days
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Time Of Our Lives || Part 2
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Part 2:
Tashi Duncan was a force. Everyone knew it. Everywhere Tashi went, a crowd of people gathered, seeking some form of contact with her. A brief conversation about her day, their day, the fucking weather. Just so they could say they talked to the Tashi Duncan. Liana hated her. She didn't hate her personally; she hated the fact that even at Stanford, everything revolved around tennis, and accordingly, everything revolved around Art Donaldson and his blonde curls. Art, who showed up at her dorm at unreasonable hours with a box of fries he didn't even eat but knew she liked, Art, who was at every party she attended, Art, who wouldn't stop babbling about Tashi Duncan. "Look, I just think she's not the right girl for him..." Right now, Art was lying on her bed, bouncing a ball while she was trying to finish a paper for her Intro to Economics class. "I don't understand why you're here..." she mumbled in response. Somewhere in the second week at Stanford, she had stopped fighting his presence. He refused to let go. Every scowl she sent his way only encouraged him to do stupid things like waiting for her after class to walk her to the cafeteria or calling her mom and casually asking if she knew why Liana stopped coming to his open practices (she never attended his practices anyway, the little shit was an unbearable liar who made her mom talk for half an hour about how you can't neglect friendships like the imaginary one between her and Art). "Because you didn't come to practice today. Again." He looked at her. "Are you back with James?" he asked casually. "You know his name is Jake," she rolled her eyes, realizing she'd been reading the same line for fifteen minutes and deciding to close her laptop. "Are you sure?" he asked with a half-smile, pleased that for the first time that evening, he had her attention. "Why do you care that Patrick and Tashi are together?" she asked. "I don't care. I just know Patrick, and you know Patrick-" "Do I?" she cut him off, causing him to squint for a second. "You know Patrick well enough to know how he treats girls. He doesn't take them seriously, and now he's with Tashi. He's going to mess her up and ruin her season." He shrugged, as if it was the most logical thing anyone had ever thought about his best friend. "Aren't you supposed to worry about Patrick's season, Art? Like the good friend you are?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. Everything felt too charged with tension she couldn't figure out. "You didn't answer me about James. Are you back with him? He's kind of a loser," he changed the subject, not taking his eyes off her. "You're kind of a loser. Sitting in my room and whining about your best friend dating the most beautiful girl you've ever seen. Get over your crush and move on. Use your blonde hair to find a hookup instead of bothering me while I'm studying." She turned her back to him and opened her laptop again. "And no, I'm not back with Jake," she concluded the topic, not wanting to reopen the wound of that relationship. Certainly not with Art Donaldson, who had started moving towards the door, finally getting the hint.
Liana put Patrick on speaker while she searched for her earrings. She had promised Daria (the only friend she had managed to find so far) that she would go out with her to the bar across from the university, and they would try out their fake IDs. Liana was sure no one would believe she was 21, no matter how revealing the dress Daria forced her to wear, how much makeup she put on, or how high the heels she wore were. No one with eyes would believe she was old enough to buy alcohol. "The referee kept making mistakes. I think Marcus paid him off. His dad probably promised the guy a new Aston Martin if I lost." Patrick, who had been complaining for the last ten minutes about the terrible game he had today, continued talking while she tried to apply lipstick as straight as possible. "I don't know much about tennis, but that sounds exaggerated, Pat." Liana didn't know what to say to cheer him up. The truth was that since the season started and Patrick decided he was pursuing professional tennis, Liana didn't know how to support him. "I'm telling you, something was off there." He spoke, maybe to her, maybe trying to convince himself. "I think you should call Tashi or Art. they would understand better than me what went wrong..." she said, wiping off the lipstick, the bright color felt too much. Like she was trying too hard to draw attention to herself to show everyone she was pretending to be an adult. "Oh, if you think Tashi hasn't already called me and told me everything I did wrong in that game while reminding me of all the mistakes from the previous game, you're wrong." He answered. She recognized the bitterness in his voice. "That sounds like a healthy relationship. you should write a book." She tried to lighten the mood, again not knowing how to help him. She didn't know Tashi, only heard stories about her, and currently, they weren't great. "Art will just keep saying I should have taken the Stanford scholarship like him and be with you guys in the beautiful college bubble, drinking beer from a keg." He continued, ignoring the jab about his relationship. "Imagine how much fun you could have had with me at Stanford, Pat. I'm on my way to use my fake ID at a bar. In heels and everything." Liana tried to do everything she could to steer the conversation away from tennis. "Whoa, Liana Levi, breaking the law. Who would have believed we'd reach this moment? What's your fake name?" he laughed, which made Liana smile. Something about hearing Patrick so broken felt wrong to her. It didn't fit the curly-haired boy who always tried to make her laugh and include her in everything he did when she was around. "Amanda Jacobs," she replied. Silence fell on the line. "Amanda Jacobs like Amanda James who went to boarding school with me and Art?" Patrick asked, and she could hear the octaves in his voice change. She already knew he wouldn't let this go. "I had to come up with something on the spot. I panicked," she defended herself as his laughter slowly became the only thing she could hear. He couldn't see her right now, but it made her smile even more, even though it was at her expense. "Alright, Amanda, don't drink and drive. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." He said after he calmed down. "Okay, Dad." She rolled her eyes. "You know I love it when you call me-" he couldn't finish the sentence because she hung up.
Art was sitting on her bed when she came back from the bar. Not only had her fake ID worked, but the bartender had also been hitting on Daria all night, so he kept pouring them free shots. It was safe to say Liana had never drunk that much alcohol in her life. "Am I imagining you?" she asked with utter seriousness. "What? No. I was waiting for you." He looked confused. "Are you drunk?" he asked the obvious while Liana tried to take off one of her heels and almost fell, causing Art to quickly get up and stand next to her so she could lean on him. "How did you get in here, Arthur?" she put her hands on her hips, causing him to look at her and flash his most charming smile. The kind that made all the girls melt. "Your dad gave me a key for emergencies," he said, without taking his eyes off her as he sat back on the bed and she approached him with clumsy steps, a little disappointed that taking off the heels didn't help her stability much. "Do you want to sit?" his tone was amused. He had never seen Liana so drunk. Almost every summer, they managed to sneak a few beers when Patrick came to visit. But it was never serious. "My dad gave you a key? You realize that's not normal, right? We need to talk about boundaries, Donaldson," she turned her head to him while he was already looking at her, just inches separating them as they sat next to each other on the bed. "Patrick told me you were going to a bar, something about a fake ID? wanted to see if you're ok" he said, not moving. A little afraid she'll be the one who suddenly moves away. He couldn't remember the last time Liana was this close to him. He didn't think she would ever get this close to him again. "Patrick is a snitch, and I'm not telling him anything anymore," she sighed and threw herself on the bed dramatically, spreading her arms, causing Art to do the same and land on her arm, closer than she would tolerate any other day. "I can't believe you didn't invite me. I'm disappointed," he tried to sound amused, but he was genuinely disappointed. By this point, he was sure she understood they were friends, that they were connected by such a strong bond that he sometimes doubted if he could ever unravel it. If he even wanted to unravel it. He just didn't understand how, while he saw her so clearly, she didn't see him at all. Sometimes he wondered if she even knew his name. Then he would see her in the crowd at one of his games, and the world calmed down; he always won when she was there. "You don't drink anyway," she noted quietly. The fatigue started to overcome her, and Liana's eyes closed on their own. "Hey, I do drink," he defended himself, even though they both knew he was lying. He tried to maintain his diet as correctly as possible, as fitting as possible for his athletic lifestyle. "I think Patrick is sad," she suddenly said, and Art felt his heart beating quickly. "How do you know?" he asked in a quiet, almost defeated voice. "Because when I talk to him, I'm sad too."
sooo, here's the second part. I think we're getting somewhere, but it's going to be a slow burn, so stick with me, I guess. I'm kinda clueless as to if you like it or not, so feel free to tell me what you're thinking ❤️
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solitarydemise · 2 days
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Black Mary Jane's |P.t2
!EddieMunson x !FemReader
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Summary:Eddie unintentionally breaks your heart because of your friends' insistence.Even though he loves you,he will be punished for pretending otherwise.
Warnings:Jealousy,kissing,making out(It's not 1986). I never liked cheerleaders my entire school life and I really can't like Chrissy. I'm sorry, I can't make her a good character in any of my fics.
Part 1 is here!
𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐
You hadn't talked to Eddie for days after your last argument. Weeks,and almost 1 month. You were really heartbroken and exhausted,you didn't talk to your friends and immediately went home after classes. What Eddie said was confusing you, no matter how much you loved Eddie you didn't trust him and all this time he just only broked your heart. You desperately wanted to kiss him, but at the same time the possibility that he might cheat on you was too high for you. Eddie was the sweetest boy you've ever met,but you had been friends for years and you had witnessed his relationships with many people. He wasn't loverboy, he wasn't going to be for you from now on either. Isn't it?Loving someone was a big thing for you, you couldn't trust anyone because you learned that from the people around you. Even the best person you knew could turn into a stranger, you didn't have the courage to lean on anyone. You couldn't trust Eddie, maybe you were still fooling yourself. You missed Eddie being a total clown to you,telling jokes and flirting with you sometimes. You missed all of these,but every time you missed him,you remembered how upset Eddie made you. You were in a terrible dilemma. He was in front of you everywhere, in the hallway, in the classroom, in the cafeteria and you made eye contact with him everytime. Whenever you had hope to Eddie,he'd start talking to Chrissy again. Going back to her like he hadn't told you how beautiful you were the night before. You were the girl Eddie always flirted with and gave hope to,but at the same time you were just his "friend" if asked. Another Monday, while you were lingering in front of your school locker,Nancy smiled at you "Hey." you looked at her "Hey" Your voice wasn't even coming out at all. Nancy played with her bracelet "You look beautiful today" you smiled softly "I didn't even do my makeup" she giggled "This is why you look beautiful". She was definitely going to ask something "Are tou coming to the concert this weekend?" You looked at her "What concert?" You definitely knew what concert it was but you didn't say anything. It was the Corroded Coffin concert. Eddie's been waiting for this for a long time. He cared very much about the group and kept saying that one day the whole world would hear about them. But they hadn't even been able to perform in town yet. So it was time,Corroded Coffin on the stage. You knew they were performing at a local bar, but you weren't sure if you wanted to go. If Eddie and you hadnt argument about a shitty thing, you'd definitely be the first person there. But you didn't want to be there. "Do you think I'm needed? I'm sure Chrissy will be there." Nancy rolled her eyes. 'Stop it, are you still on that?' you didn't answer and tried to stay calm. You were sensitive about Eddie and your friends would keep saying that it was unnecessary because you were worrying about it and you would only get angrier. This is why you didn't talk with them like you did to Eddie.
You were still heartbroken about this and it wasn't going to get better unless you talked to Eddie, so you refused to talk about it with your friends.When you entered French class, you sat in your usual seat and Eddie, a few rows in front of you, turned around and looked at you. You looked at him for a few seconds and turned back to your book. Chrissy and her friends were looking at you and laughing among themselves as usual. Ugh, you hated them. You never buy their girls girl lie.Because you knew very well how rude they actually were. Maybe Eddie had an influence on this, no matter what, you didn't like them or the others. When the teacher started the lesson, you opened your notebook and took out your homework. Eddie didn't do his homework as always, he usually always copied your homework.Your French homework was to prepare a topic and make a presentation about it in French. You chose Mötley Crue, one of your favorite bands. In the middle of the presentation, the things Chrissy said to her friends and her annoying giggles were starting to annoy you. You were like a bomb ready to explode for 1 month and you couldn't stand it anymore. "Do you even know a single fucking thing about them?". Everyone, including Chrissy, suddenly fell silent. Since she didn't answer you, you continued, "Then why are you still talking?" teacher looked at you "That's enough,sit back down" You rolled your eyes and walked back to your place without even protesting. Chrissy knew well that Eddie and you weren't talking. Of course she would talk about this as leverage. You were trying hard not to attack her. "You're barking at everyone like a spoiled puppy," Chrissy stopped playing with her ponytail and looked at you "Excuse me?". You looked at her "Like everytime you start talking,I think to myself 'Who the fuck does this girl think she is?'" you laughed "You are so fucking boring". Teacher yelled "Get out of my class!" You were expelled from class too many times in 1 month. You were more angry and aggressive than ever. You stood up without a care and mumbled as you grabbed your bag, "Whatever." You looked at Eddie as walked out of the classroom, seeing Eddie's grin.Dickhead. He must have liked it when two girls were fighting over him. Chrissy's facial expression was enough for you. Only the men who fucked her were telling lies to her, and in this way she was trying to keep her self-confidence high. You destroyed it with a few words. You continued walking down the hall and realized you couldn't handle the next classes so you decided to go home.
The next day,while you were in the cafeteria by yourself. Nancy hurriedly came to you "Did you argued with Nancy?!" You frowned "Calm down,you're acting like I killed her" Robin laughed and took one of the grapes from the plate, "I wish." You looked at Nancy "She was being a complete idiot as always, I couldn't take it anymore". Nancy took a deep breath and said, "It's not about that girl, you're getting too much detention. You can get suspended." You shrugged, “Whatever.” Nancy rolled her eyes. “You keep saying that. Look, I know you don't want to talk about this, but this is Eddie.” she laughed and looked at you “Our Eddie,the town freak. Maybe you're overestimating him.” You looked at Nancy and put down the fork in your hand. "Actually, everyone was underestimating himr,but I don't think highly of her. At least not anymore." Nancy looked at you quickly, "Great, that's what I'm talking about. Don't you think you should get yourself back together bit?" You looked at Nancy and grabbed your tray, "I'll get it together if you guys stop being annoying." You paused and turned your gaze to Robin "Who said I was arguing with Chrissy?". When the answer was 'Eddie' you wanted to ask more about him. What was he talking about you? Did he even care about what happened between of two of you?. You cleared your throat with the things that came to your mind and turned to the girls, "See you on Saturday, maybe." When you walked away Robin and Nancy were looking at each other with a sly smile "Should we tell Eddie?" Robin paused "Should we?"
They didn't tell Eddie. Until Saturday,Nancy and Robin always asked you the same question, you never gave them a definitive answer. Because you were still stuck between going and not going. Would Chrissy be there too? Maybe Eddie wouldn't even care about you. You were thinking about these things even while applying your lipstick in front of the mirror. You continued to think about these things until you got to the concert line. You could come back home at any time. When Nancy saw you she quickly hugged you "You're here!". you smiled and hugged Nancy. Robin looked around and eyed Nancy and herself. "Don't you think we're a little too colorful for here?" You giggled and adjusted the collar of Robin's jacket, "A little bit." Robin looked at you and raised her eyebrows, "You look way too hot." Nancy smiled and looked at Robin "Because there are people she needs to make jealous." You frowned "No!". They both looked at you with the same expression and you cleared your throat "Well,okay maybe but shut up". It was about twenty minutes until the door opened and you were too excited. Even though it wasn't hot, you were sweating in your leather jacket. You were stressed out. It wasn't a very big venue, would he see you from the crowd? Fuck, you were thinking so much. You were engrossed in conversation with your friends and didn't even notice that the line was slowly moving forward. Gareth was tuning his guitar when you walked in. The stage was slightly higher than the ground. They were doing soundcheck. All you can think about was Eddie.Gareth smiled slightly when he saw you and you smiled back. You were so nervous. But why?Soon enough, when Eddie came on stage you quickly turned your gaze towards him, you were standing a little further back in the crowd, you didn't want to be right in front of the stage. Eddie's excitement was evident in his eyes, or maybe you were the only one who could read it.When the song started, Eddie fixed his guitar strap and glanced around,that was the moment he saw you.You had a stern expression on your face, but deep down the sight of you making eye contact was burning your heart. Eddie smiled slightly and lowered his head. It looked like he wanted to hide his shy smile. They had a forty-minute stage time, during which time you never took your eyes off Eddie. He also looked at you often and continued to sing and play his guitar while looking into your eyes. His bangs sticking to his forehead because he was sweating, his arms veined from playing the guitar, his facial expressions were making your heart beat faster. They were reminding you one by one how much you loved him. You smiled as everyone cheered them on with applause and you did the same with the crowd. You were proud of him,the image in front of him was part of his dreams and it was your greatest duty to support him. Eddie leaned into the microphone and brushed his bangs away from his forehead “Thank you Hawkins,I appreciate it.” "Corroded fuckinf Coffin!" a boy yelled as he can and Eddie laughed,he pointed at him "Hell yeah" Eddie pressed the guitar pedal and held the microphone. "Before we end the night,I one more song for you." He looked at you when he said "You", you couldn't be wrong. Eddie and the other band members whispered among themselves and started playing again. It had a slower guitar riff than other songs. You couldn't stop looking at Eddie as he sang the song. His facial expressions made you fall in love with him again and again. He was puckering his eyebrows and closing his eyes, his forehead was sweating and he was licking his lips. "Soft lips are open,knuckles are pale" he looked at you again "Feels like you're dying,you're dying" You felt like you were out of breath. It felt like the entire crowd had disappeared around you. "You!" he closed his eyes "Your sex is on fire"
When the song ended your legs were shaking, Eddie and the other band members were saying goodbye to the audience. You didn't even hear what they even said. They were going backstage, you tried to find your friends in the crowd. But it definitely felt like your mind wasn't working,you felt drunk but you hadn't had a drop of alcohol. When someone put a hand on your shoulder, you looked back and breathed a sigh of relief when you saw Steve. You took his hand and walked out of the bar and it felt so much better to feel the oxygen more clearly. You looked at Steve "Where are the girls?". Steve shrugged "I don't know, they'll be back soon" Steve looked at you and frowned "Are you okay? Your face is pale". You nodded and fixed your hair "Yes, I'm fine" you exhaled deeply and smiled "It was very hot in there." A few minutes later,Robin and Nancy arrived. While the three of them were talking about something, your gaze was constantly wandering around, your eyes were searching for Eddie. Soon, as like your mind had been read, Eddie came up to you. While the others were showering him with praise, you just stared at Eddie, who occasionally glanced at you as if he was waiting for you to say something. "You guys were blast, it was brutal". Eddie smiled warmly and looked at you "Thank you, by the way uh…" he cleared his throat "I'm glad you came." You smiled and shook your head. Three of them were looking at two of you and there was an awkward silence. Eddie noticed this "I'm going backstage, I need to change. I'm fucking sweating" After Eddie went backstage,you continued chatting in front of the bar. A few minutes later when Gareth, Jeff and Doug came out, you looked around and looked at Nancy. "I'll be right back." You entered the venue again and tried to figure out where the backstage was. Finally figuring out where you were, you looked around and knocked on the door. "Come in" you heard Eddie's voice from inside. When you walked in you noticed that Eddie was missing his shirt. He smiled when he saw you, "Hey." You ran your gaze over Eddie's tattoos and looked back at him, "Hey." Eddie put on his T-shirt and fixed his messy hair. You tucked your hair behind your ear and cleared your throat. You looked like you were about to start a sentence, but you didn't even know what to say. You didn't even know why you were here,you were really good at making decisions without even thinking for a second. You wet your lips and looked at Eddie "I don't know why I came, I just wanted to see you" you smiled nervously. Eddie smiled, "It's good to see you, at least to see you smiling after so long." What Eddie said made you laugh and you put your hands in your leather jackets pockets. After a small laugh, you both fell silent again. Eddie said with a small smile on his face "I really miss you doll..." "Doll" it's been a long time since you heard that,he always called you with pet names "rabbit, baby-doll,princess, little monster" You missed them all so much that you smiled slightly and looked at Eddie "I miss you too Eds". Eddie was looking at you with sad eyes. You exhaled deeply, "Look, I didn't come here to talk about these things and get you down, I just wanted to s-" Eddie shook his head "No, you made this night better. It wouldn't have been a happy enough night if you hadn't come" You paused with what Eddie said and you sat the handrest of the leather couch "Nice to hear that" Eddie approached you and stood in front of you. You lifted your head slightly so you could see his face and looked at Eddie. "I'm sorry" he said. You remained silent for a few seconds, "It's okay." "No it's not". Eddie replied quickly and looked into your eyes "Never was." he swallowed "I never planned that one day I might lose you,and I acted like a kid" You looked at Eddie and spoke in a low voice "You didn't lose me, Eddie."
Eddie looked at you and put his hand on your cheek "This month has been so rough for me,all this time the fear of opening up to you cost me this" he laughed slightly as he was angry at himself "I should've told you what you meant to me,'cause now I pay the price,I broke your heart. This is my biggest regret." Eddie's words brought tears to your eyes. You tilted your head slightly, not wanting him to see you like this again. Eddie put his hand on your chin and made you look at him "I love you." the things Eddie said made you smile even though you had tears in your eyes. You sniffled and placed your hand over Eddie's hand "I love you." Eddie seemed like he's been waiting for you to say that, and as soon as you finished your sentence, he pressed his lips to yours. You quickly placed your hands on Eddie's cheeks and kissed him back. You had been waiting for this moment for so long that you felt such hunger for it. Eddie moved his hands to your waist and held you tightly as he continued to kiss you. After a few seconds, when you broke apart to take a breath,you looked at each other and started kissing again without waiting. Eddie's hands roamed your body,your fingers tangled in his curls. When Eddie's hands went to your skirt,somebody knocked the door "Eddie they're waiting for you" Gareth said from behind the door. "Piss off!" Eddie said angrily because of the moment was interrupted. You giggled and placed a small kiss on Eddie's nose "I'll wait for you outside." Eddie quickly grabbed you from your waist. “No, please.” He looked at you with his puppy ​​eyes and you giggled "We can't stay here forever" you stood up and headed towards the door, Eddie pulled you towards him and pressed you to himself "But we can stay few munites" he started kissing you again. You could feel his hardness. You giggled andgave Eddie a long kiss on the lips, "Calm down, rock star." Eddie laughed at what you said and looked at you with a smile on his face as you walked out of the room. He took a deep breath and looked at himself in the mirror, unable to stop the grin on his face. He had your lip marks on all over his face, burgundy lipstick gave you both away. Eddie didn't care about that. After you fixed your hair and clothes,you go back to your friends and Nancy immediately bombarded you with questions. You looked at her and frowned, "I was in the bathroom calm down a bit." Nancy frowned at your attitude and finally decided to mind her own business. A few minutes later, Eddie came back to with a grin that never left his face and all four of you were looking at him in surprise. There were still lipstick stains on his face. Nancy slowly turned to you and raised her eyebrows. "You were in the bathroom,weren't you?" you pressed your lips together and exhaled deeply "I'm not going to give you a definitive answer " "She was not" Eddie spoke confidently and you looked at Eddie as Steve laughed "Shut up"
𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐
People I think will like it, I hope you don't mind!!<3 Tag list: @ali-r3n @marshmallowgem @rcailleachcola @seatnights @melodymunson @rainylana @eddies-puppet @mdurdenpitt @mmunsonsthings @crazyapplesgirl1q @psychotickoda
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Just Edwin and Charles living in my head without paying any rent
*Charles just took some inconsiderate risk on a mission*
E: Charles, I was so afraid of losing you
C: But I'm ok you do not have to be sorry Edwin *hugs him*
E: *blushes and step out of it* you are crazy
C: Yeah but the kind you like kind of crazy *smirks proud of himself as usual*
E: *shy and awkward around his feelings, feeling mocked*
C: *notices and takes his hands* hey, listen man, I know we haven't talked about it but as I told you when we were coming back from hell, it's ok really, you're still my buddy
E: yeah... thank you*looks at him in the eye and smiles, because he doesn't wait for something more, he knows Charles is straight and likes women but he still feels a little something, a pain in his chest*
*a little later Charles talks with Crystal about the risk he took before and why people might worry*
C: But I was ok! I had the situation secured i don't understand why he has to worry
🔮: Charles you have to understand, how would you react if it was Edwin who did something so careless?
C: Edwin would never act like that! I'll always be there for him so he never has to worry about it.
🔮: But sometimes you can't do anything, right? Like with the Cat Kings crush events-
C: Don't even mention that guy!
🔮: It's more of a god- but yeah yeah sorry I forgot how jealous you were.
C: Me?? Jealous?? *looks at her in disbelief*
🔮: *between laugh and cries, watches from head to toe* yeah you, or like with Monty, it's ok, you like to have Edwin's attention, and guys that like him are in the way of your relationship
C: I am not jealous! Yes of course Monty pissed me off but in the end, I was right to feel like that about him! And the cat king is just super annoying!
🔮: And Edwin had something else in his mind than you also, nah? *glances at him* It's ok you wanna be the only one by Edwin's side, I understand but you know that someday since you rejected him he is gonna love someone else and maybe take his distance a little, right?
C: What annoyed me was that he was distracted, nothing else! And... *thinks of Edwin loving someone else and feels as if someone just twisted brutally his guts* h-he would never leave me, it's him and I until the end.
🔮: Yeah but before the moment you are with me were in the past moment you would have passed with him, don't you think?
C: Yes but still he wouldn't be like that...
🔮: Why would he, not Charles, if he is in love you have to be supportive and let him have space like he does with you
C: It's just not the same
🔮: And why is that?
C: It's just- when he confessed it didn't seem like that.
🔮: Like what, like he would go? You rejected him and his feelings remember?
C: Yeah but it's because he is my buddie I just don't love him this way!
🔮: If you are so sure then why are you jealous and why won't you accept that he might like someone else?
C: *snaps* BECAUSE HE IS MINE *regrets instantly and avoids her gaze*
🔮: He is yours but you don't like him, uh? Charles listen, we already discussed the fact that we were just both alone and sad and we mistook attachment and friendship for something else. But him, Charles you went to hell for the guy, you would die again and again if that could save his ass, you don't want anyone but you by his side. Also, you are just so different when you are with him, you are natural. If it's keep being his buddy that scares you just know that you already act like an old married couple, so nothing will really change. *puts her hand on his shoulder* I don't say I know everything Charles, just think about it, if there were no consequences what would you do or who would you be for him?
C: *looks at her, clearly lost* I don't know Crys...
🔮: It's ok you don't have to have all the answers now, you don't have to ever have all the answers, just think about it 'k? I'm going to sleep. *waves him and goes back to her room*
C: *sits on the sofa, Edwin was out with Yuki tonight, so he was now alone, and more lost than he ever imagined he could be*
And sorry I don't have any beta readers on this so it's really not perfect, do you want me to continue this?
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hogwartshotel · 12 hours
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putting on my trauma therapist hat
Full Moon spoilers under the cut.
Okay so if people are mad at Blitzø after that episode, send them here!
I am, in real life, a licensed therapist who works with PTSD, so I feel like I have some hopefully helpful perspective to offer here.
I've started to see a some "I get it, Blitzø has issues, but he fucked that whole thing up", and I want to talk a bit more about how PTSD works. If any of this resonates with you personally, I recommend seeking a therapist who specializes in trauma!
There are five categories in which we expect trauma to effect people's beliefs about themselves, others and the world, long-term: trust, safety, power and control, intimacy, and self-esteem. So let's take a look at those in this scene. They do overlap.
Trust. That heartbreaking line where Stolas says "I didn't realize you thought so lowly of me" is a result of Blitzø expressing that he's never had complete trust in Stolas's intentions. Hard to blame him -- trust is something we first learn in early childhood. Imagine trying to learn trust from someone like Blitzø's dad. People often have difficulty trusting not only others, but also themselves and their own judgment.
Safety. This really ties into power and control below. Imagine that Blitzø's whole personality has come from a desire to keep himself safe -- he's good with guns, he's his own boss, he doesn't have close relationships so he can't be rejected, he puts on an air of over confidence. Having any of that challenged can shake his whole set of beliefs about himself and the world.
Power and control. When something traumatic happens to us, we can often feel ourselves. We often try to limit our experiences to ones we feel we have control over, because our brains convince ourselves this will keep us safe. We've seen Stolas come to realize that their arrangement gives him more power over Blitzø than he's comfortable with. We've also seen Blitzø attempting to exert his own power -- by keeping Stolas at arm's length, by being the one to direct their sexual encounters (not saying that you need to have trauma in order to be dominant), by doing everything he can to keep the sex interesting so that Stolas won't end the deal. Stolas is doing the right thing by giving Blitzø the crystal, but it freaks him the fuck out. He's already figured out how to have power in the situation, and he's been operating under the assumption that Stolas also likes having this power over him (that part is more theoretical, but I see Blitzø as someone who assumes that everyone thinks the way he does about this shit). So having that dynamic suddenly changed makes him panic. It triggers a fear response. He reacts in a way that assumes it's a game or a trick. The idea that someone would willingly give up power sets of alarm bells in his mind.
Intimacy. Obviously, this is a big one in their dynamic, and it's going to tie in a lot to esteem. It is very common for folks with trauma histories to have difficulties forming intimate connections -- if you've read the above stuff about trust, it's probably easy to see why. In his part of the duet, we hear Blitzø acknowledging that the situation is feeling a little complicated, but that he's going to avoid that by focusing on the sex aspect. The idea of emotional intimacy is terrifying to him.
Esteem. Blitzø does not believe that he is capable of being loved, or that anyone who gets to know him will want to stay with him. We see a lot of that in the "bad trip" scene back in season 1. Hearing Stolas express feelings for him is terrifying. I'm not sure exactly what goes through his head, but it might be something like "I'm going to fuck this up," "he's lying," or "he doesn't know what he's talking about."
So. Imagine all of that getting triggered at once. I'm not saying that Blitzø handled it well or that he isn't responsible for his actions, I'm just saying it's really understandable that he didn't handle it perfectly. Quite frankly, I thought it was going to go a lot worse -- he does get angry and say hurtful things, but we immediately see him regret it and reach out to Stolas, and I was expecting him to need a lot longer to stop being angry. I am curious to see if he's going to go to a self-destructive spiral ("I always do this, I fucked it up again, why bother even trying") or if he's going to break the pattern and figure out a way to make it right. Seeing as the next episode is called "apology tour," I'm guessing we're going to see the latter -- but that is honestly huge character growth.
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outlanderskin · 3 hours
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Why are you so fucking calm????
Are you asking this in relation to the last paparazzi walk or in general😅🤣? I think that time in this fandom may give me another perspective because the only feeling I have is "I've seen this movie before." I think Sam (and Cait's) actions have no impact beyond the Outlander bubble. The fans who care about them are Outlander fans, to the general public they are unknown, at most "that actor/actress who played that character x in that filme Y". None of the people outside that bubble care if he's seen with anyone. A person outside the bubble who looks at that photo, even knowing the girl's profession, won't see anything unusual, because for that person, Sam is just a single guy who is an actor and doesn't have to live according to anyone beliefs. Mind you, he was not seen on the street beating a woman, an animal, or a child. He was not photographed or filmed committing any crime. Coldly analyzing (from outside the bubble) what you see in these articles is a single guy (that's what you find about him on social media) walking hand in hand down the street with a woman. The woman's profession would be no one's business. Those outside the bubble won't even bother to research, and even if critics, directors, and bosses in general do research or know that she works as an escort, this won't be considered a scandal. Firstly because (publicly) he is single and being single if he wants to have a serious relationship with her (regardless of her profession) is not a crime and it would be considered prejudice and puritanism to boycott someone for that. And secondly, because we are talking about the world of entertainment and let's be realistic: it is a sexist world, dominated by men and where married men involved in cheating scandals, continue to work and earn loads of money and the excuse they use is "that's his private life, not his professional life." I know the impact of these things on the fandom is huge, but it's always just here. Remember Hawaiigate? Even something so serious that it had to be handled with him making public statements (and her distracting the fandom) didn't have a big impact on his business or his career. The only impact it made was some fans who stopped following and supporting him, but those numbers were replaced in the following months by new fans and look at the numbers today.
I've said many times that I don't idolize them both and I don't expect them to make choices based on what I believe. I've also said a thousand times that I think their choices regarding this circus are terrible. But it doesn't impact me emotionally like it impacts some people in the fandom in general (on all sides). My advice is always the same: if it's causing you pain, if it's too much for you to bear, if it affects your real life, walk away. This is just a fandom. It's not your job, your family. Even the circles of friends you make in a fandom (the real friendships) can be maintained if you decide to leave. Just remember to respect the friends that remain, not to think of yourself as superior because you "found the light" and decided to leave, and friendships can continue beautifully.
As for me, so far, all their bad choices only contribute more and more to what I believe. That's why I'm here with my popcorn in hand, always waiting for the next show and remembering that the only actions and reactions I can control are my own. And, that's OK.
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wickjump · 13 hours
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Hello Wick!! :D,i hope I'm not bothering you,but I would like to ask,what's your opinion on rarepairs such as: stardust,ccinoxpost and nightlust?,I barely ever see these,and honestly they're one of my favorites. Also,what's ur opinion on errormare? ((I personally strongly dislike it but I'm just tired of them only having one trope that doesn't fit them which is them as "villain husband")) also unrelated question but do u mind if teens under 16 followed u?,or does it make you uncomfortable?,I'm personally under that age and wanted to ask if ur comfortable with such. ((I'm sorry this is so long I got excited 😭))
haiii!!! okok hm. i like stardust a lot, i think they’re super cute and underrated and have SO much potential. i don’t get why it’s so rare when ships like driller are so popular when driller follows a similar dynamic. stardust ily stardust you’re too underrated stardust. ccino and post i think is cute and domestic, but to me it seems like not much more than that. they probably wouldn’t have any drama or complexities going on, just your everyday cafe worker x postman relationship. calm, cute, more aesthetic than anything but i like it. nightmare and lust i personally do not like on the other hand, but i don’t like a lot of ships with nm and i can be picky with what ships lust are in that i like lmao,,
errormare i do like but only in a specific way!!! i only like them when they dislike each other and start off as political rivals/reluctant occasional allies. this is because part of me really hates nightmare and i want someone (error, who is perfect in all ways) to be mean to him. but nightmare finds the fact error doesn’t respect him, much less fear him, as endearing, so i guess that backfires. they’re two messed up grumpy men who fight sometimes. equally fucked up and mean but also kind of soft when i want them to be….
as for people under 16 following me, it’s okay but i’d really really appreciate it if you filtered out the cw suggestive tag, because i do reblog things of that nature sometimes with the tag attached. the 16+ label for my blog serves more as a warning than a strict rule, and while i’m trying to curate my audience to be in that age range, i won’t throw a fit if someone’s any younger. but viewer (reader? follower?) discretion is advised, because i do talk about heavy things, and some posts do have ‘minors dni’ tagged on it as well for said heavy topics (i’d also like if you filtered that tag too, but that goes for anyone under 18 who follows me).
what’s really uncomfortable for me is people under 13. that’s a strict no on my part, so unless you’re like 11 you’re okay. none of my content is so absolutely appalling and terrible that a child would die looking at it, but it’s more a preference and to keep discussions mature around here. just filter out the tags i mentioned and you’re good!!!!
and don’t worry about how long the ask is!! long asks r fine :3
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iftitah · 5 months
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talked to school bestie 2 hours on phone god im out of breath with my chest hurting but it so worth the talk
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I’m 5 lbs away from being under 200 lbs for the first time in my adult life, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.
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irregularbillcipher · 9 months
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going over old fic notes and outlines and character talks with friends and it's always really funny when i get to the stuff i was developing early-mid 2019 where bill just literally kept kryptos around to rag on, and he genuinely just. did not like the man. like was just completely annoyed with his general existence. boy have things changed
#for anyone curious: i came to the conclusion that no amount of 'this guy sucks but he's fun to bully' would get bill to keep someone around#for like literal eons. bill gets bored of his toys too quickly. he'd break 'em. plus the fact that bill decided he was worth saving to begi#with. there was at first an element of 'i owe the guy' because [FIC SPOILERS] and a grudging 'if i had a gun to my head i'd say he was my#best friend i GUESS but do not tell him that' but no real genuine friendship or anything more#before realizing that with the specific story i was going to tell it just made the most sense to have these assholes still be like.#bad people for sure but to actually care about each other. it also just felt too easy to write bill off as someone whose cruelty is just#a lack of certain emotions. like that doesn't automatically make a bad person and a bad person doesn't automatically lack emotion#(there's a character that'll be introduced sometime soon who is aroace and doesn't make friends easily and she's lovely because...)#(idk man. i'm aroace and why shouldn't she be. a lack of affection doesn't make you bad and the ability to feel it doens't make you good)#so bill can and does love people-- even if actual vulnerability is near impossible to get from him-- and kryptos is included in that#it's just that he still sucks really bad and hurts and even kills people that he loves because again. bad person who has no idea how to#navigate relationships healthily because of his own baggage and the environment he grew up in#(also in canon he usually does not want to navigate relationships healthily because. again. he sucks!)#so the only lasting relationship he's ever had where he isn't trying to hurt someone is still just... messy as hell#(and to be fair kryptos is also a p. bad person by adulthood it's just that they're pretty young at this point in the fic)#(so there's less avenues to show that)#kryptos being desperate for any scrap of attention and bill providing the only attention he's ever gotten was always the vibe#but it really was much more of a 'bully and bulling victim who he lets hang around him because said victim'#'is like the only one willing to talk to him' dynamic which is... very much not the case anymore#as said in the tags of my fic. these awful shapes care about each other as best they can care about anyone#anyway sorry idk how much anyone really cares about these tag essays but theyre helpful for me to get my thought process like... down#and track how different the story used to be
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worstloki · 2 years
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New favourite genre it’s called Thor pining for his younger brother for like a full bunch of centuries only for him to confess and Loki to be standing there having no clue like what
#Loki: wait WHAT#Thor: I like you. I’ve liked you for a while.#Loki: [literally zoning out rn. he thinks Thor is perfect so something like this doesn’t make any sense]#Thor: 🥺😭😭#love me some Thor feeling guilty about it on top of not having the perfect image he’s expected to#Thor: I know you’re my brother and I wouldn’t ever risk losing that but it’s the truth#Loki: (asexual and still thinks attraction is a joke) ok ok this is fine we can manage this#Thor: DONT TELL MOTHER#Loki: DO I LOOK LIKE IM GOING TO TELL ANYONE#thorki#Thor/Loki#huge fan of Loki being horrified bc he’s got bro feelings only but thinking bout it romantically and being like hmm maybe it wouldn’t be bad#anyway these bros are need to talk more#Loki: never doubt that I love you#Thor: (dying inside trying to no homo their relationship so hard) thanks.#Thor like I can’t tell him why the mourning hit me way harder than everyone else bc it would have anyway. *says we all mourned you*#Thor like wowoww my crush of 850 years came back from the death looking murderous... kinda hot tho#living the life tbh#if only it wasn’t his brother ya know#which becomes even funnier if he’s told they’re not brothers because it’s like.#wait so if you fools hadn’t adopted him we could’ve#Thor blaming Odin and Frigga for his failing love life is hilarious#Thor not being able to reject Loki as his brother even if they don’t share blood vs not wanting to be brothers bc that means he’s not wrong#Loki will be looking at Thor like he’s everything to him and Thor is there sweating like haha brother y doth Thou tempt me like this#loki: *literally oblivious. wonders why Thor is growing so mean over the centuries. feels like there’s a distance between them. sad.*#thor: WE ARE GOING HUNTING AND HAVE TO SHARE A TENT I AM NOT GOING TO SURVIVE THIS AGAIN#loki: why won’t he snuggle anymore :(#Thor will be like I have no choice in this situation but to speak the truth and confess and Loki is like YOU LIKE MEN?????????
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finally got the balls to block them on tumblr so i can not-so-vague post abt it now but I just had to break up with the person i was dating for 9 months
#Little part of me is like at least you were the one to do the breaking up#but also i was the one getting absolutely nothing back for this entire relationship#so who really won.....#i'm a really good communicator and i could barely talk to them and i wanted to break up for ages but then they were straight up like awful#to me#and then they LIED to me#and once i found out they lied there was nothing that could ever redeem them#I would never in a million years do what they did to me and none of my friends would either so now they have to live with the fact#that they fucked this whole thing up completely on their own#and that I was too good for them#I'm not a saint im not perfect but i WAS too good for them#absolute child#I switch between completely fuming about what they did to me and really sad that anyone would hurt me like that#because i genuinely would never lie to anyone like that#the nail in the coffin was when they didnt show up to my birthday#a guy i didnt know that well showed up from meath to be there#and do you want to know why they didnt come?#they just didn't bother#and then they lied about it#and now i dont think i can trust anything they said#i will put up with a lot of shit if your honest about it but once you lie to me then its over#one of my friends turned out to be a pathological liar and i didnt clock it for years and they KNEW about that and they KNEW my policy on#lying and they had the absolute NERVE to try and tell me that they lied to protect me from how shitty they were#Nah u were lying to protect ur own ass#wish i got more mad at them during the breakup but it hadn't all registered#Like i put in so much effort and i only realised when they just didn't bother showing up to my birthday that they just dont give a shit#about me and they just wanted to play at having a girlfriend#I was always trying to support them and i got NOTHING back#anyways oops i literally didnt expect to say all of this i just wanted to tell the tumblr girlies that im a single pringle#broke up with them yesterday so its still pretty fresh.
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blueslight · 1 year
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#I domt think I made it clear enough to my now ex girlfriend that I broke up with her because she is absolutely unbearably clingy#and now.i feel guilty that she didnt get it cuz like until she realizes that all her relationships are gonna fail cuz any normal guy would#lose his fucking mind at her and anyone who WOULDNT would probably use her depedence to abuse her and like. I know that and i feel.bad for#evidently not making it clear enough to her#cause like also even now shes still being clingy with me ....and i find myself unable to set proper boundaries cause I dont wanna be mean#and them im morally unhappy with myself. but like then again i DO set boundaries she just doesnt respect them . and then I lose my#composure and get mean and thats even worse cuz i dont wanna be mean to someome as fragile as her but like. Shes suffocated me so much im#in the mindset of a cornered injured animal . and they bite#and it frustrates me that i cant react organically to her cause i always have to keep quiet and not protest even when she really crosses#my boundarjes cuz i dont wanna upset her#and she even said herself that even now im the omly.person she wants to talk to and i told her several.times to go talk to our other#friends cuz how am i supposed to comfort her about her breakup WHEN I DID THE FUCKING BREAKING UP..#plus I dont want that like i dont want the sole responsiblity for her social interactioms and emotional support just because shes#got unhealthy attachment behavior and refuses to get therapy ..#and like now its like well i domt wanna be mean or hurt her even more but also I dont wanna comfort my ex ABOUT *OUR* FUCKIMG BREAKUP that#is 1. fucked up EVEN THO we are still friends like id.comfort her about other stuff but how does she not realize that this wont. help#and 2. it gives me fuckin war flashbacks to my last relationship which just activates my injured animal instinct even further#and Idk why i cant set boundaries w her cuz i can do it well with other people but she just paralyzes me somehow w this stuff EVEN THO WE#GET ALONG WELL WHEN WERE LIKE NORMALLY PLATONICALLY INTERACRING#idk man i just need a fucking breather like i understand breakups hurt and i was anticipating giving her space until we can properly be#friends again (which we agreed on wanting) but like#Its not gonna get any better for her if shes constantly interacting w me#and on god her attachmenr to me isnt entirely healthy AND I DOMR WANNA SUPPORT HER UNHEALTHY BEHAVIORS but i also dont wanna be constantly#like acting on a meta level thinking whats besr for HER instead of just acting on instinct ...
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