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bellaxgiornata · 11 months

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Falling For the Devil [Part fifty: "The Interview"]

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Summary: You’re struggling to finish writing an article at The Bulletin when your work day is unexpectedly interrupted.

Those two men clearly aren't chauffeurs and they are definitely not taking you to an interview.

[Series of one-shots about Reader meeting, falling for, and dating Matt Murdock.]

Warnings: 18+ for this series; contains humor, fluff, romance, angst, smut (like...a lot of it later in the series), language, some violence

Word Count: 4.7k

a/n: This installment beings our descent into the Big Angst arc. Forewarning, there is no comfort in the next handful of installments. Not until you get to "The Aftermath" do you begin to see comfort which is Part fifty-eight. Just a head's up for those who can't handle no comfort without all of the installments posted. We also from now on begin to get occasional Matt POVs! You can find the entire list of installments for this series on tumblr here, and if you're enjoying it let me know!!

Running your hands through your hair, you stared blankly at your computer monitor. You had almost finished your article, though your word count was just a bit under what you needed it to be for an upcoming issue. Your mind felt like it was turning to mush the longer you stared at the document, willing more thoughts to come to you. With a loud, frustrated groan, you threw your face in your hands. A second later you heard the telltale sound of Katy’s computer chair wheeling back towards your cubicle.

“Struggling still?” she asked.

“Yes,” you whined into your hands. “I can’t think of two hundred more words to say about this upcoming event of which I personally don’t care about.”

“I hear that,” Katy sighed out. “Why don’t you just step away for a bit? No one else is here, Ellison won’t care. Go visit your man or something.”

“Can’t,” you said, sliding your hands down your face. “Court day today. His phone is off and I can’t exactly barge into the courtroom.”

“I mean you could,” Katy replied, shooting you a grin. “Bet he’d have some frustrations of his own to work out, if you know what I mean.”

You rolled your eyes, throwing yourself back into your chair. “Katy,” you groaned, “why is it always about sex with you?”

“Have you suddenly gone blind?” she shot back, ignoring the look you sent her at the comment. “Your man is smoking hot. Like sure, he sounds absolutely sweet and smart and wonderful and charming from everything else you’ve told me, but like, don’t tell me you’re not always wanting to bang him when he walks into a room. Because I will not believe you.”

"Okay, you're not entirely wrong," you conceded, "but there's vastly more to that man than sex, Katy."

"Of course there is," she cooed, suddenly adopting a teasing tone. "Because you love him. You want to marry him. You want to fuck his brains out and have an entire horde of fucking beautiful little babies with him."

You snorted out a laugh, shaking your head. "Something along those lines, I suppose," you said with a laugh. You abruptly shot her a stern look as her eyes went wide at your admission, pointing a firm finger at her chest. "But that is strictly between us, Katy. You hear me? I don't need to scare him away."

Katy exaggeratedly rolled her eyes back at you. "Oh please, that man is practically married to you already," she said. "Sending lunches to you, walking you home from the office. Asking you to move in on your terms . Buying you expensive flowers when you have a bad day. Taking long ass road trips to spend the holidays with your family."

Your brows furrowed as you glanced back at your computer monitor. "That…doesn't mean he's thinking about marriage," you said slowly.

"Doesn't it?" Katy shot back, brows raised.

"No, it just means–"

Your sentence was cut short when you heard your name called through the office. Both you and Katy exchanged a look before you hesitantly rose to your feet. Two large men in suits were standing by the main office door, one of them with a very noticeable scar along his forehead. Both of them had dark, short cropped hair and stern expressions. Your palms began to sweat at the sight of them, your hands balling into fists at your sides. Even under their dark suits you could see their muscles, and the possible shape of something far more dangerous and deadly.

"That's me," you answered, trying hard to sound like you weren't quickly becoming nervous. "Can I help you?"

"We were asked to invite you for an interview," the man with the scar told you, a false polite smile flashing at you across the room.

Your brows furrowed, your heart beginning to race. "Oh? I–I didn't have any interviews scheduled for today," you replied, voice shaking.

"No, but Mr. Backman would very much like to discuss some things with you," Scar Face continued.

"Uh, well, now is not really the best time," you told them quickly, cold fear shooting through your body. You could feel Katy's eyes burning a hole into the side of your head as you spoke. "I have a deadline I'm trying to meet right now. But I could schedule something for later this week?"

The man beside Scar Face crossed his arms over his chest, the muscles in his arms becoming more prominent with the gesture. You swallowed hard in response, eyes drawn to his intimidating figure; they were obviously trying to scare you and it was very much working. Your fists curled tighter, nails beginning to bite into your skin.

"Well you see," Not Scar Face said slowly, holding your stare unblinkingly as he spoke, "Mr. Backman sent a car for you to come for an interview now. He doesn't exactly do rescheduling."

"You're uh, sure about that?" you asked weakly.

"Very sure about that," Scar Face agreed.

Licking your lips nervously, you tried not to externally show how much you were internally panicking. You didn't seem to have a way out of this. They were currently blocking your only exit, and judging by the strange way their suit coats were fitting them, you were certain there was a gun under at least Scar Face’s jacket. It was currently just you and Katy here at the office, too; no other witnesses or hope for any backup were around. And you doubted you could make a call to police, stall these men long enough for them to get here, and then manage to have any sort of excuse to get these men arrested. And if you somehow did manage that, you were certain more men would come for you. And they’d probably be a lot less pleasant and cordial than these two currently were. Not to mention, if you did the wrong thing here, you could be putting Katy in harm's way.

No, you were going to have to go with them, and if they didn't kill you, Matt certainly would after this.

"Alright, well, do you mind if I just use the bathroom real quick before we go?" you asked carefully, nails biting further into your sweat-dampened palms.

Not Scar Face was about to respond, his mouth opening as he managed the first syllable, but Katy popped up in her cubicle beside you and briefly startled the two men. Their attention immediately shifted to her short frame, both of them tensing as they took in the sight of her. You saw Scar Face’s hand inching towards the inside of his suit coat, but Katy’s eyes were only on you when she spoke.

"You need a new tampon before you go?" she asked loudly, ignoring how the two men pulled faces at her question. Her eyes remained fixed on you as she threw out the question you'd both agreed on in the event one of you were ever in a dangerous situation.

"Yes, actually,” you told her, shooting her a strained smile. “I could use another.”

“Just make it quick,” Scar Face snapped from across the room. “Mr. Backman doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”

Your attention focused back on the two men across the room as Katy bent down and rummaged through her purse for an actual tampon. Your hand was searching blindly along your desk for your phone as you held their gaze, trying to come across as inconspicuous as you could.

“Of course,” you said, forcing the strained smile to remain on your face as your hand finally collided with it. “I’ll only be a few minutes,” you assured them as you slowly slipped the device into your pocket.

You turned, breath feeling like it was catching in your throat and stomach roiling uncomfortably with nerves. You focused on Katy, her eyes still locked only on you as she dramatically held up the tampon so the men across the office could see she was indeed handing you one.

“Here,” she said loudly, crossing the space towards you. As you accepted the tampon from her, she quickly whispered out of the corner of her mouth, “Call the cops when you leave?”

“Ah, thank you!” you said, nodding faintly.

She sent you a tense smile before you turned and tried to walk as casually as you could towards the women’s bathroom just in the hallway near your cubicle. You pushed the door open, fighting the tremor in your hands as you did, and continued all the way to a stall before locking yourself in. Hands still shaking, you took a moment to catch your breath, tossing the tampon on the bathroom floor.

You needed to call Matt.

Slipping your phone out of your pocket, you pulled up your contacts and immediately dialed his number. You held the phone to your ear, but just as you suspected, it went straight to his voicemail. Because he was in court and he always had his phone turned off when he was in court. Closing your eyes, you whispered a curse into the bathroom stall. He’d already recessed for lunch just over an hour ago, you had no idea when he’d be out of court for the day and see your message. But you had to leave one anyway, hoping that he’d get it.

At the beep you took a deep, shuddering breath and began your message, trying not to be too loud in case the men were somehow waiting near the bathroom.

“Matt, uh, I have a very big problem,” you began nervously. “There’s two men who just showed up at my office. They’re saying Backman sent a car for me for an interview.” You paused, eyes closing as you tried to keep your breathing even–falling into a panic attack would be a terrible idea right now. “I–I don’t think they’re your usual chauffeurs, though. I’m pretty sure one of them has a gun in their suit coat. And I have no idea where they’re going to take me.”

Your mouth felt like it was going dry and you swallowed hard, trying to talk faster. You didn’t know how much longer you could pretend you were just using the bathroom.

“It’s only Katy and I at the office,” you continued in a rush. “She’s calling the cops when I’m gone. I–I don’t see any other options here, Matt. I have to go with them.” You exhaled a shaky breath, the full weight of the situation you were trapped in hitting you hard. “You were right,” you whispered into your phone. “When guys with guns come after me, I’m not the one who knows how to fight back. You are.”

Chewing your lip, your heart thundering in your chest, you felt the sting of tears in your eyes as a multitude of fears raced frantically through your mind. Would Matt even get this message in time to help? How would he even find where they were taking you? What did Backman even want with you?

And were you even going to make it out of this alive?

Quickly you brushed away a tear that had slipped down your cheek with the back of your free hand. Fighting down a wave of nausea, you shakily whispered into your phone, “I–I have to go before they realize what I’m doing.” You paused one brief moment, blinking back tears. “I love you, Matt,” you breathed out, voice so quiet even to your own ears.

Pulling the phone from your ear, you hung up. Once again you wiped away the tears that had fallen from your cheeks before you exited the bathroom stall on unsteady legs. You began to slide your phone back into your pocket, but then you briefly paused, pulling it back out and looking down at the little device. They’d surely take your phone from you, probably destroy it so no one could track you with it, right? It’s not like they’d just let you make some calls and shoot some texts with it, so what was the point in bringing it with you? Maybe if you left it behind you’d seem more like a clueless and harmless reporter thinking you were really just going for an interview. Maybe that could work in your favor.

You could do that. You could play innocent and dumb. So innocent and dumb you didn’t think to grab your phone–because who doesn’t carry their phone? Naive and clueless air-headed people, right? Especially someone who wasn’t thinking they were about to be kidnapped.

With shaking hands, you tossed your phone onto the bathroom counter away from you. Your stomach felt like it was sinking to the floor as you tossed away your only lifeline before walking straight into certain danger. Exhaling one last long breath, you squared your shoulders and made your way out of the bathroom.

Katy spun around on her office chair, her back rigid where she sat. The two men were still standing in front of the exit, arms crossed and looking quite intimidating. Walking towards them felt incredibly wrong, everything in your body screaming not to. You wished you could fight like Matt in this moment, wished you could knock them both out and get you and Katy out of the building–but you weren’t Matt. You weren’t Daredevil. You were just a reporter who’d made a mistake in your investigation and you were about to pay for it.

“Hey, we’re still on for tonight, right?” Katy asked you, her eyes clearly trying to tell you something else.

“Yeah, of course,” you told her, forcing that strained smile back onto your face.

“Good, I got you tonight, alright?” she replied.

“Thank you,” you answered, your eyes also trying to tell her something else.

Forcing your feet to carry you forward, you nervously approached the two burly men who looked irritated and impatient. You tried to wipe your sweaty palms against your dress pants as you stopped in front of them, your heart still wildly thrumming in your chest.

“Let’s go,” Scar Face grumbled, gesturing with his head down the hall towards the elevator.

You nodded stiffly, fighting to keep your eyes from dropping down to the outline of the gun in his suit coat. He turned and began walking and you followed on trembling legs, Not Scar Face stalking down the hall behind you. As Scar Face hit the elevator call button, you tried to fight down another wave of nervous nausea. You needed to keep your cool, you needed to play a part, and you needed to do it believably. Because it might be your only way out of this.

“So uh,” you began, clearing your throat and trying to fight the waver in your voice, “what exactly is Mr. Backman’s interest in this unexpected interview?”

Not Scar Face’s attention shifted towards you and you refrained from flinching under his stare, his cold eyes studying you. You tried to keep your breathing steady as you held his gaze, very much trying to look like a curious and naive journalist.

“You can ask him yourself soon enough,” Not Scar Face told you.

The elevator doors opened, revealing that familiar empty and small space that now seemed terrifying to you. Scar Face threw out a hand, holding the doors before he glanced back at you, raising his brows expectantly. Forcing that strained smile back onto your face, you stepped in and muttered a polite ‘thank you’ as you did.

You were just a naive, stupid little journalist after all. Not a threat.

Both large men stepped in after you, Scar Face pushing the button for the main floor. The doors soon closed, trapping you in the elevator with the pair of them standing directly in front of you. Blocking any chance of you just bolting out of the elevator when the doors opened. Anxiously, your eyes darted up above their heads, your focus on the numbers quickly descending to the first floor.

A minute later the doors opened, both men stepping out before you. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you continued to silently follow behind Scar Face as he led you out of the main doors of the building. Your eyes instantly landed on the black SUV parked in front of the building, not even remotely surprised that was where Scar Face was leading you.

He turned when he reached the back door of the SUV, his eyes falling on you. You stopped when you neared him, refraining from flinching when his hand began moving. He ended up outstretching his palm expectantly towards you, your eyes dropping down towards it.

“Mr. Backman is a very private person,” Scar Face told you. “Your phone, please.”

You almost wanted to laugh out loud; of course they were going to take your phone. It was like Kidnapper 101. You knew they were going to.

You made a show of reaching towards your pocket, wanting to be compliant, and then pretending to be shocked that you didn’t actually grab your phone. Your hands even patted both of your pockets a few times, brows furrowing as you glanced down. Behind you, you heard Not Scar Face sigh in annoyance.

“Shit,” you cursed, glancing up at Scar Face. “I think I left it back at the office.”

His eyes narrowed suspiciously at you for a moment. You continued to keep that puzzled expression on your face as his hand lowered.

“Then I guess you won’t mind if we just double check, will you?” Not Scar Face snapped from behind you.

Before you could respond, you felt a pair of hands patting you down. Fighting back the urge to grimace at his touch, especially as his hands grabbed you in places you knew weren’t necessary, you tried to focus on taking deep, calming breaths. Eventually his hands left you, probably making some gesture to Scar Face because he nodded in front of you before turning and opening the car door. With a wave of his hand, he gestured for you to get into the car. Heart sinking to your feet, you made your way forward and climbed in. Not Scar Face slammed your door shut, opening the passenger door in front of you, though he hesitated as he waited for Scar Face to get into the driver’s side. The moment he did, Not Scar Face hopped in and the doors locked, the sound causing you to flinch.

As the car pulled out onto the street, the hair on the back of your neck rose. You were locked in this car with these two men. You had no way out. You had no idea where you were going. You had no idea if and when Matt was going to get your message or if the police Katy was surely calling would even find you.

You weren’t sure how long you’d been in the car for either as they drove. Your eyes tried to memorize the route as you'd sat trapped. In the backseat, you had been nervously chewing your thumbnail and trying to come up with some plan of escape, but none were coming to you. And when the car pulled down a few side streets that looked disturbingly empty, you felt a sense of unease really settling over you.

Eventually the car came to a stop in a vacant parking lot in front of what looked like an abandoned warehouse. Scar Face cut the engine and a dreadful silence fell over the three of you. The doors unlocked a few seconds later, both men getting out of the car. Not Scar Face immediately opened up your door, stepping aside when Scar Face rounded the vehicle and pointed a gun at you. Your back went rigid in the seat instantly, your eyes dropping down to the barrel of it.

“Get out,” he ordered.

Hands fumbling nervously, you unbuckled your seatbelt and slid out of the back seat. The cold metal of the gun was instantly at the back of your head, sick churning in your stomach at the feel of it.

“Walk,” he ordered next.

You followed behind Not Scar Face as he headed into the abandoned warehouse. Two other armed men were inside already, greeting your two kidnappers with nods of their heads. Eyes shifting behind them, you noticed a metal table and two metal chairs set up. The barrel of the gun dug into the back of your head, urging you forward.

“Sit,” Scar Face demanded.

Nervously you headed towards one of the chairs, your legs feeling like they were about to give out. You slowly sunk into the metal chair, adrenaline and fear coursing through you. Scar Face lowered into the other chair, resting the gun on the table and training it right on your chest. You felt like you could barely breathe.

“Now,” Scar Face began, the three men standing behind him armed with guns and just as intimidating, “I want you to start talking. What do you know about Daredevil? Who is he?”

Your mouth immediately went dry. “What?” you asked, taken aback.

Scar Face leaned forward along the table, eyes narrowing. “Who is Daredevil? We know he protected you once before from Figureroa’s men. We know he has a soft spot for Bulletin journalists. You clearly know him.”

“I–I have no idea who he is,” you said earnestly. “He showed up out of nowhere that night he saved me. I’ve never seen him since, I swear!”

“I’m not buying that,” Scar Face told you. “Now I know you’ve been looking into Wayland. And I know he’s been causing us quite a bit of trouble lately. Clearly the two of you are working together. And Backman would love nothing more than if we brought him his head."

“No, we’re–we’re not working together!” you pushed, eyes wide.

Your heart was pounding so hard in your chest you thought it would give out. You weren't here for an interview with Backman you quickly realized–you were the bait for Matt.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about!” you urged, panic flooding you knowing Matt would walk in on a trap. "I'm just a journalist!"

“Ugh, come on!” one of the men ground out behind Scar Face. “Just shut her up. We can use her to try to lure that asshole for now. And if he doesn’t show, then we can start with the questions.”

Scar Face’s jaw tightened as he studied you closely. You couldn’t hide the way your body was shaking in the metal chair, especially at the mention of questions–you didn't think they would just be talking to you. Slowly, he lowered the gun to the table, turning and rising up to his feet as he ran his hands over his face. Your eyes immediately dropped down to the loaded gun sitting across the table from you, heart pounding so loud in your own ears you couldn’t hear anything else.

Would it be possible for you to take that gun and try to shoot your way out of here? Was that your way out of this?

________

“Oh man, I could totally use a drink at Josie’s after that,” Foggy complained beside Matt, running a hand over his face. “I mean that witness testimony took four hours!”

“Yeah,” Matt chuckled, nodding his head. “I’m pretty sure that fried my brain, too, Fog.”

Matt adjusted his briefcase over his shoulder with his free hand, the other holding Foggy’s arm as Foggy led him down the courthouse steps.

“You want to call your future fiance and see if she wants to come out?” Foggy teased, nudging Matt’s shoulder with his own.

Matt grinned in response, laughing lightly. “I can see if she’s available tonight, yeah,” he agreed.

"Ahh!" Foggy exclaimed loudly, pointing an accusatory finger at Matt. "So you don't deny she may be the future Mrs. Murdock!"

Still laughing lightly and shaking his head, Matt slipped his phone out of his dress pant’s pocket with his free hand. For a moment his finger felt around the edge of the phone before holding down the button to turn it back on. Seconds later he heard the buzz of the device as it kicked back to life.

"Your silence is really saying a lot, man," Foggy pointed out, leading Matt down the sidewalk and back towards the office.

"Is it?" Matt shot back, shooting Foggy a playful grin.

The vibration and beep of Matt's phone drew his attention back to the device. That notification meant he had a new, unheard voicemail. Brows furrowing, he navigated his phone, pushing the button to bring up his voicemail. He held the phone to his ear as Foggy shot him a curious glance.

"What's up?" he asked Matt. "You look confused."

"She sent me a voicemail," Matt told him, speaking over the automated voice that was reading off the name that had called and the time the message had been left. "But she knew we had court. She never calls and leaves messages when we do."

"Maybe it was important?" Foggy suggested.

A frown drew across Matt’s mouth the moment the message began to play. There was a nervous breath and a long pause, something you never did when you left messages. You normally began them with your cheerful or hurried tone. Something wasn't right. And his fear was confirmed the moment he heard your scared voice speaking into his ear.

“Matt, uh, I have a very big problem. There’s two men who just showed up at my office. They’re saying Backman sent a car for me for an interview.”

There was a pause after your words, Matt instantly stopping on the sidewalk at the mention of Backman’s name. Foggy came to a stop, too, shooting Matt a confused look.

"What?" he asked.

But Matt didn't respond, too focused on the sound of your terrified voice.

“I–I don’t think they’re your usual chauffeurs, though. I’m pretty sure one of them has a gun in their suit coat. And I have no idea where they’re going to take me.”

At the mention of a gun, Matt's hand gripped his phone tighter, his entire body tensing. You were in danger and you'd called for help. You'd called for help two hours ago. And he'd been stuck in court while men with guns had taken you. Anger burned in Matt–a burning white hot rage that was sure to quickly consume him.

“It’s only Katy and I at the office. She’s calling the cops when I’m gone. I–I don’t see any other options here, Matt. I have to go with them.”

Matt's heart ached at the shaky exhale he heard you make over the message, his jaw tightening. You were terrified and you needed him and he hadn't been there for you.

“You were right. When guys with guns come after me, I’m not the one who knows how to fight back. You are.”

His heart was thundering in his own ears, almost pounding louder than the sound of your nervous whisper in his ear.

"I–I have to go before they realize what I’m doing.” There was a brief pause before he heard your voice so quiet one last time. “I love you, Matt.”

Tearing the phone from his ear, he slammed his finger on the button to end the message. Matt ripped his hand from Foggy's arm immediately.

"They took her," Matt snarled, enraged.

"What?" Foggy asked, panic flooding his voice. "Who?"

Matt said your name, his voice breaking on it. "Backman took her."

With a growl Matt tore his briefcase strap from over his head, tossing it roughly at Foggy. He fumbled but managed to catch it.

"Matt, what're you doing?" he asked nervously.

"I'm going to find her," he answered, his tone already darkened by the Devil when he spoke. "And so help me if they hurt her I will tear them apart ."

Spinning on his heel, ignoring Foggy's panicked voice calling after him, Matt darted down an alley. Once out of sight, he clambered up a fire escape towards the roof, racing across Hell's Kitchen towards his apartment for his suit. Spurred on by adrenaline and fear, he leapt from roof to roof without a care for himself, only one thing on his mind–he needed to find you.

#matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x you #matt murdock x fem reader #matt murdock angst #matt murdock series #matt murdock fic #matt murdock fanfic #daredevil x female reader #daredevil x reader #fftd

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aydaptic · 4 months

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Hi there! Just passing by to ramble about how much I love your take on Gavin since he's also my favorite non-playable character in the game.

(Connor is my fave playable character ((predictable, ig?)) and I know [read it somewhere in your post, at least] you're not very fond of him, and that's okay.)

I know Gavin may not be everyone's favorite, but I just love how you see him differently regardless of what people say. I'm always relieved to read all your posts about him because it makes me feel like I'm crazy for even liking him while others are very against him.

I think some people are just conditioned to hate him instantaneously for being antagonistic towards Connor and Hank. And I think he has a good reason for it too. He's not a saint and I guess it's fine to like a character who's a bit cocky and with a lot of flaws.

But you had to admit that despite how seemingly shallow he is in the game, he does show a bit of his character upon extensive scrutiny and that's the beauty of what you're doing. I'll be reading (quietly) more of your opinions about this lovable jerk and I'll be loving every bit of it. ❤️❤️❤️

Hi :)

I'm glad to hear that. The toxicity/vitriol towards Gav has always made me concerned for humanity. It proves that so many ppl are incapable of thinking logically instead of emotionally. Where are their empathy? Likes/dislikes are subjective, but to say he's "nothing but a bad guy" and/or "has no redeemable qualities" are such brain-dead takes.

Despite his unpleasant attitude, Gav has every right to be canonically concerned about androids, and he has every right to believe they're not alive. It's logical. The guy doesn't have the insider knowledge that we, as players, do. Gav's not a psychic.

I love the gameplay of Con -- the detective aspect -- as well as his journey... but his awkward + overtly positive + doormat personality type annoys the shit out of me, lol. I'm Team Gavin Reed™ in disliking Con. Kudos to you for having enough intelligence to put aside your love for him and recognize that Gav has a point.

These are the reasons I've seen ppl hate Gav for:

some are too blinded by their love for Con and/or Hank (as you say)

some are narcissistic enough to feel entitled to their personal favorite characters having more fandom content (...and thus they take it out on fandom favorites)

some feel envious that Gav has the charisma to get away with being a dick (...and they aren't capable of doing the same bc they don't have charisma)

some try to take some BS moral high ground (...and fail)

some see parts of themselves in Gav and thus desperately try to convince others that, "I'm not like him!" (...and funnily enough, every Gav hater I've interacted with has proven themselves to be worse ppl than he is -- so yeah, they're not like him, they're worse)

some ppl are envious that Gav is better/more beloved than them and/or their favorite characters

some ppl hate white ppl (racists)

some ppl hate men (sexists/misandrists)

some ppl ignore the lead writer's statement that "the game is about androids and not race" so they can make it a modern-day political issue, and get brownie points saying stuff like "androids are real-life POCs meaning anyone who dislikes them is racist," bc they can't separate fiction from reality (...and thus they have the brain-dead take that Gav is "racist." I don't like AI such as ChatGPT taking jobs. Does that make me a racist, too?)

some ppl claim to hate Gav just bc it's popular (pack mentality)

some ppl just wanna create drama

some ppl are so starved for attention that they claim to hate him "just bc"

some ppl lack empathy (...and thus they don't understand what losing a job you love is like -- especially to someone who was just programmed to be better than you -- when you worked your ass off for decades getting said job)

some ppl didn't pay attention (...and thus they don't know that Gav had every right to step in both in The Interrogation and Last Chance, Connor bc Con was literally breaking the law)

some ppl see the world as black and white meaning they only think in extremes (...and are incapable of seeing the greys/finding balance)

some ppl are specifically looking to get triggered and thus bring up completely unrelated topics like "misogyny" bc god forbid you like Gav and not North even when they're completely different ppl (...and it's hypocritical that they protect North for hating humans, while at the same time, cursing Gav out for hating androids -- I don't go around with the false claim that, "you're sexist/misandrist for liking North and not Gav" bc I'm not an idiot)

That hatred is all based on emotions instead of rational thought.

"He's a dick!" So is Hank, North, and Con can be. "They have good reasons for it!" So has Gav. These ppl are in no position to decide who's 'the most' affected/traumatized, etc. bc we all react differently. Some are more distraught by their pet dying than a parent. That doesn't make their pain any less real.

Disliking him is fine, but don't give BS moral reasons for doing so. Sometimes we just don't vibe with a person/character and that's perfectly fine. Not vibing with someone, however, isn't hatred. It's apathy. Ppl who are just "meh" about him and don't spout BS excuses are valid.

#dbh #gavin reed #detroit: become human #dbh gavin #long post #Q&A #anonymous #*aydaptic

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spaceorphan18 · 13 days

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I'm just thinking out loud about things, please don't mind me.

I have a tendency to only blog about my life when it's going badly, and I mean it makes sense - in that sometimes you want to have a space to kind of think out loud and let it out. I'm sure most sane people journal or talk to a bff. I vent to an audience of strangers on the internet. Because I'm weird like that.

But, here's the thing, I'm not doing badly this time! Really, this is the sanest I've felt in a long time, and it's probably due to the fact that I've actually let myself rest (and got one part of my living space picked up). But I do have a lot of things on my mind, so this is me just kind of word vomiting about things kind of as an update as to where my life is at.

On Health: I think the tricky thing this year has been more my physical health than the mental. I'm mentally in a much better place than I was a year ago, and that's great. Now I have to get the physical side back in shape. I've had to run through different kinds of medication lately, and I think things might be straightened out? Also, I was sick most of last week, which didn't help. But I feel decent now - and I'm really hoping it'll stay that way, because I'm just so tired of not feeling well.

On Work: Work as been a lot. We fired the woman who was giving us problems - for anyone who wondered how that whole thing turned out. There's a lot of change happening, and some drama - which I've been grateful I have not been a part of. It's a lot. It's always a lot a lot a lot, but it's not Indiana. As hard and stressful as things can get here... it's not Indiana.

On Glee Things: Now that I'm kind of in a better mental space about it -- I think it'll be best if I just take a step back from any kind of community related thing. I think the thing I keep coming back to me is that Glee is just a part of me now. It's been with me for so long that it's very personal and between the weird up rising of fans who really are only seeing things in Black and White and the obtuse-ness of K and J's podcast sometimes I just can't with it anymore.

The tournament is going to play out quickly and then I'm done with that. Yes, I'm still writing. Yes, I'll still say my thoughts about the things Darren said. No, I'm never really going to go anywhere.

But I don't really want to be a part of the large fandom anymore.

That said -- I think what else has been bothering me is the fact that I miss so many people. The community that I was a part of just doesn't seem to be there anymore. And, I mean, I get it -- lots of people move on. Lots of people are busy. And there are a few of you that have been around and aren't going anywhere, either, and I do see you! But sometimes I wonder if I've come full circle in that I'm talking into an empty void again.

On X-Men things: Meanwhile, guys. I have a lot of thoughts. Marvel has always had a yo-yo effect on me, and I just have gone down the rabbit hole again. It's making me happy, and breaking my heart in the best possible way, and still making me happy. I apologize up front, because there are going to be a lot of X-Men things coming. (As usual, i'll tag it all)

On Reading: Idk, I just want to read more. I have a huge pile of things to read. And I just want to be more consistent about it.

On taking a freakin' break: My vacation is two weeks away. I'm going to take the pressure off myself and just let myself have a break, because I think that's what I really need.

Thankfully, it's spring, and this is my absolute favorite time of year as it gets warmer out.

Don't be a stranger, guys, I do love talking to all of you.

(And eventually, i'll get that queue going again.)

<3 <3

#personal thoughts

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cordycepsfem · 9 months

Text

Pageboy Readthrough, Part Five

Previously:

more Canadian history

EP's step-family is an absolute bucket of shit-heads

EP doesn't know the difference between a dab and a dollop, but I forgive her given the "step-family of shit-heads" thing

the subconscious message EP takes in from her family is Why aren't you like them? meaning Why aren't you normal? and your reviewer got maudlin and sad again

Now:

Chapter Six

we start off the chapter with EP and a friend at dinner

EP is living with this friend at the time

earlier in the day that we start into, EP had to call the police about a stalker

the stalker started off as a pen pal when EP was first on TV at the age of 11

EP diverges into telling us what she likes about acting, and surprise surprise, it's "being anyone but who I am"

EP has a music teacher who told her to "stop roughing up the boys at recess" which, you know, same

EP realizes that acting means she will have to wear "girl" costumes, which, you know, duh

EP there is a 900% chance that you did not know they were "cis" boys nor did you refer to them as "cis" boys because no one talked about people as "cis" when you were 11.

Also, "how is that not you"? They're wearing costumes! You are also wearing a costume for what sounds like some sort of historical drama? No one is wearing "suspenders, knickers" in modern-day Canada except in their Mennonite or Hutterite communities.

EP makes a website with basic HTML for school

a man contacts her through it

she likes it because she likes feeling "seen" - the man said he could understand her feelings

he probably could because he was like twenty-eight

we once again digress into the Canadian Part of the story, where I learn that the drive between Toronto (close to where I used to live) and Halifax (where I went on vacation once) is two days

EP and her mom would eat ketchup chips on vacation because, of course, Canadian

back to the pen pal

he is a Creepy Fuck who makes collages of her with angel wings

EP jumps headfirst into an eating disorder which starts by hearing a voice in her head

during what is going to be a very serious moment about a stalker, we take a header into Canadian Stuff because OF COURSE we do

Did you know Toronto is the Raccoon Capital of the World? OF THE WORLD? Jesus, I'm glad I moved... they could have definitely overrun my small town

apparently 100,000 raccoons live in Toronto

2.93 million people live in Toronto, just for a further demographic

anyway, back to the part that matters:

the Creepy Fuck emails all of EP's friends trying to find out where she is

he finds out

EP and her friend call the police

the police are worried and she gets a restraining order against him

we once again play All These People Are Shitheads

the Creepy Fuck FINDS HER, because of course he does

he tries to get her to take a walk with him

she runs

he gets arrested

he has schizophrenia

she does not press charges

things go from Bad to Worse because we are well and truly out of control at this point

EP decides that she will stop eating

she tells us that trans and gender-non-conforming youth are more likely to struggle with eating disorders

I did some research even though I feel like shit trying to correct her in her own sad book, but I am a very specific type of asshole

we know that female individuals are most likely to have eating disorders; I'm sure that now a lot of those female people are trans men and enbys

I had no idea that gay and bisexual men and boys made up almost half of male sufferers of eating disorders

anyway, EP starts doubling down on an eating disorder

I need a moment of levity so I will say that I would eat the fuck out of a Fear Sandwich if it was served at a cool restaurant or a nifty food truck

anyway, back into Hell

We've come to the end of the chapter which is good because I am so incredibly upset about all of this. I thought I was going to be able to do two chapters today since I didn't do much else, but Jesus fuck this book is so incredibly sad.

EP, you can have my dad. We can share dads. He is a very good dad. He would not come to Toronto to kick your ass... he would have come to Toronto to be comforting and to be very involved with everything. He was so concerned for my safety online that he told me that I had to give a fake name to the Christian women in my "Touched by an Angel" fanfic mail chain when I was fourteen, even though all we really did was tell each other we were praying for whatever causes they brought up and sending around new chapters of fic. I think I told them my name was Rachel.

My dad is funny but not at the expense of his children. He's been married to my mom for almost forty years and they love all three of us, let us be our own people throughout our childhoods. He is so incredibly proud of us, for wherever we are in our lives. He would have been proud of you and he would have fought for you the same way he fought for me when I got sick, the same way he fights for my disabled sister's care, the same way he stood up for my baby sister when she punched a kid in junior high because said kid was teasing her and the school wanted to suspend her.

(And this might just be me being selfish, but you are a few months older than I am and I would have loved an older sister. Again, we could have been weird together.)

My point is, you deserved better people around you. You still do. No matter what, you did not deserve this - from your father or from your stalker. You deserved to be a kid, and to be happy, and to eat.

And now I need to go eat, because reading this reminded me I haven't done that yet. Maybe I'll make a Fear Sandwich.

#ellie's ep posting #pageboy readthrough #radical feminism #radblr #terfs do touch

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tarabyte3 · 1 year

Text

I Want You to Show Me Weak

Fandom: Andor

Pairing: Kino Loy/F!Reader

Chapter 11/27 (2.8k words)

->start at chapter 1<-

<- Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 ->

Warnings: Explicit rating, Smut, Prison, Prison sex, minor non-graphic injuries, Dom/Sub, sexual tension, dirty talk, praise, hair-pulling, light choking, unprotected sex, oral, angst, orgasm denial, humiliation, slut shaming

Summary: You're pretty sure Kino Loy hates you. He screams at you, grabs you, and shoves you against the wall, and it's becoming a problem because, well...it shouldn't fluster you as much as it does.

A/N: I have added 2 new warning tags so make sure you check those out! I wish there was a better term for the last one, but I want to make sure everything is properly tagged and it's the best way for me to communicate as clearly as possible that there's a dude being an asshole to the Reader in this chapter. And it's NOT Kino. (Okay not just Kino.) Work title is from "Poison" by Vaults. Chapter title is from "Criminal" by Fiona Apple. Previous chapter links up above.

AO3 Link

Chapter 11 - I've been a bad, bad girl

Things have been going well.

Things have been going too well.

You're starting to get the hang of not talking back and thinking before you speak. Because you're always thinking about how much Kino likes it when you're good, so your filter improves. It becomes part of the routine. Even your pod notices. Some of them with admiration (Sorrek and Jevid) and some of them with dismay (Taybus and Alis).

Kino was definitely correct when he said he knew what you needed. That you don't respond to yelling. Because it turns out, the thing you respond to is him.

Unfortunately your mind is so full of Kino that you aren't prepared for triggers to your impulsivity outside of your routine. Outside of the things that you've been practicing and can think through.

So when you're heading for a break in the middle of your shift, and from table 4 you hear your name followed by the words "Kino's bitch," you stop. You tense. And you're turning before you can think about it.

"Must be nice to serve your time doing nothing but bossing people around all day and getting laid at night. Or getting special treatment because you suck the boss's dick." There are a few chuckles at your expense, even though some of them see you standing there and know you can hear all of it.

"Excuse me?" Your voice is careful and controlled, but still manages to sound every bit as furious as you actually are. Maybe you've been spending too much time getting yelled at by Kino.

"Wasn't talking to you." The man, whose name you don't know, says sharply. You take a step towards the table.

"No, you were just intentionally talking about me, loudly, while I was walking by so I would hear it. In an attempt to, what? Make me feel ashamed?" You take another step closer, every movement controlled and tight. "Sad? Cowed? Humiliated?"

"I don't know, any reason you should feel any of those things? Like spreading your legs for the shift manager? As a random example." He shrugs.

"Classy." You smile at No Name, and it doesn't reach your eyes.

"You're definitely not that." He glances at several of the other men at his table, and they all laugh.

"You seem really preoccupied with whether or not I'm fucking anyone." You fake pout at him. "You got a crush? Wish it was you, maybe?"

He glares at you. "You wish."

You tilt your head at him. "If I really was Kino's bitch, how did you think this would end for you? Hmm?"

He rolls his eyes. "Why, you gonna sick him on me for being mean? Because nothing we said was wrong. We all know you're fucking him."

"Nah. Why bother wasting his time on something that doesn't matter? I don't even know your name, dude! But you sure know mine, huh? I think we both know I'm not the one with my panties in a bunch here." You hear one of What's His Face's tablemates choke on a sudden laugh before he can stop himself, and you grin knowing you struck a nerve. The guy next to him hits him with a 'shut up.' You lean forward and lower your voice. "So instead I'm gonna fuck him so good he won't be able to see straight, keep crushing your ass in the numbers, and go back to forgetting you even exist. But word of advice before I do? Jealousy isn't a good look for you."

When he looks away, you know you won whatever weird, jealous display of masculine posturing and defiance this was. You know none of them will ever treat you like that again. At least not to your face. As if getting laid dehumanized you or concentrated your worth as a woman down to being Kino's bitch. As if they could ever make you feel small when he made you feel like the center of the fucking galaxy.

"Enjoy last place, assholes." You give the rest of his table the finger as you walk away backwards, feeling fucking awesome about how you handled that situation. You really wish your table had heard because they would lose their shit. Especially Alis because you—you back into something solid.

You turn to see what it is, and find yourself looking directly into Kino's furious face.

"Kino!" You gasp. A little wave of panic washes over you. "How are you so fucking sneaky all the damn time?! And how…how much of that did you hear?" You hear a snicker behind you. He glares over your shoulder at the table, which immediately silences it.

"I heard enough." He grits out.

"Oh," is all you can say.

"Yeah, 'oh.'" He grabs you by your upper arm. "What did I say about coming to me first if you have a problem with someone?"

"To do so?" You wince.

"Good, you were paying attention!"

"He started it." You mumble under your breath. Because, well, he did. And because telling that asshole off may have made you a little cocky.

You know immediately that he hears you because then he's dragging you by the arm out to the hallway.

At first you're angry and indignant because he HAD started it. HE didn't go to Kino first. HE called you Kino's bitch. And he's not even in trouble. That's so fucking stupid!

Then you realize: if he was being dragged out to the hallway with you, you couldn't be punished, and oh right! You're about to have Kino's hands on you.

He pulls you into the alcove and lets you go with a light shove. You stumble, but quickly right yourself and turn to face him.

"What the hell was that?" He shouts, and you begin to wonder if maybe he's actually really mad at you.

"He called me your bitch! And insulted you!" You feel yourself begin to grow defensive.

"So?! What do you care what that asshole says?"

"I don't! I just didn't want anyone talking shit about you! Because if he's saying it, that means other people are saying it!"

"I can handle them just fine," he says confidently.

"You don't need to because I already handled it." Your defensiveness is melting into exasperation because you don't understand why he isn't more upset at the other guy. Why isn't he defensive about you.

"That's NOT how this works!" He hisses.

"Fine! But I'm supposed to just let someone call me your bitch?"

"No! That's why you come to me first! Instead of attracting attention!"

"I wasn't attracting attention! Except maybe embarrassing him." You huff.

He grabs you by the shoulders, shoves you into the wall, and closes the distance so he's pinning you there. "You said you were going to fuck me so good I wouldn't be able to see straight. Or did you forget that part?"

You squirm, suddenly overwhelmed at feeling him against you, and a little turned on as he says the part about you fucking him. "How could I?" You groan.

"Well, I hope it was worth not getting to fuck me anytime soon." He growls.

Your face falls. "I didn't…" you bite your lip to stop yourself from finishing your sentence. Instead you just say, "I'm sorry."

"I know you aren't. Not really." He leans forward to snarl in your ear, "but you will be." Then he releases you and takes a step back.

You whimper, "Kino, please. I AM sorry!"

"Turn around and bend over." His voice is hard and unyielding as he ignores your pleading.

You push yourself away from where you're still leaning against the wall and follow his instructions without argument. You know there's no point anymore. He's going to punish you. If you argue, you'll just make it worse for yourself. Though there's a part of you that thrills with excitement at the thought. The rest of you knows you're already going to miss out on more because of it and that fucking sucks.

While you're bent forward and staring at the wall, you can hear him shuffling around behind you. You want to look over your shoulder so badly, but you know it will just make him angrier. It's a shock when he pushes your shirt up to your waist and exposes your back. You shiver in anticipation wondering if he might touch you, but then he grabs the waistband of your pants and pulls them down to expose your ass as well. Now you think he's going to spank you instead, and you don't completely hate the idea. There's more shuffling behind you and you can feel him standing close.

"Keep your eyes forward," he orders.

You gulp and nod as you ready yourself for the stinging pain of a slap on your bare ass. But it never happens. Instead you begin to hear the slick sound of flesh sliding against flesh and he moans, deep in his throat.

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

He's touching himself.

He's jerking off behind you and you aren't allowed to look.

Fuck.

"You're going to walk around the rest of the day," his breath catches, "thinking about what you missed out on tonight."

"Kino, I'm—"

"Be quiet," he growls. "Bend over farther."

You lean forward so your ass is sticking up into the air, completely on display for him. If you reached your arms out, you could touch the floor. It reminds you so much of last night that you feel a swell of wetness at the thought. His foot nudges the inside of your ankle and harshly pushes it outward, and you shift your stance wider to stop from falling over. He groans and the sound of his fist speeds up. It's then you realize he can probably see your dampening sex as well. Which means his erection is inches away from your spread opening. You brace your hands on the floor as your knees feel weak.

"If you'd behaved, you could have finally sucked my cock," he pants. You let out a little sob of frustration. "I could've come in your mouth. I wanted to come in your mouth. That would have been a better use for it than running it off."

Your sob turns into a wail, which you bite down so the sound doesn't echo. You want to cry and beg and grovel, but you know it's too late. He isn't the kind of man to change his mind easily or lose control. You have to really work for it to get it to happen. Like last night, you think with another wave of arousal.

"God, I can see how wet you are. You love this, don't you?" He groans. "Being punished."

"Yes," you say so quietly that you wonder if he even heard you.

"Do you have any idea how easy it would be for me to fuck you right now? To slide into you? I'd just have to thrust forward and I could be deep inside of you. I bet you would be so tight for me." Something lightly brushes against your folds and you can't tell if it's his knuckle or something else. You're so horny and frustrated that you start to cry.

"Would you like me to?"

"Yes," you weep.

"If you wanted my come inside of you, then you should have thought about that before you opened your mouth!" His voice is strained and you can hear his breathing becoming erratic. "Instead you're going to wear it again."

"Please, I'm sorry! I was just trying to help," you choke out. "I won't do it again, I swear! Kino, please!"

"No, you won't do it again." He lets out a deep, pleasurable groan. One that you recognize now, and the thought makes your eyes burn with fresh tears and your core throb with want. There's the warm splatter of his release on your lower back, across your ass, and down your thighs as he paints you with his come. He continues to suck in hisses of air and grunt as he shudders and strokes out the last of climax behind you.

You let out a small sob into the ensuing silence. He sighs heavily through his nose, disappointed, but doesn't say anything. You don't move as you hear him tucking himself back into his clothing. After his own uniform is straightened, he slides your pants back up over your hips and to your waist. Then he lifts your shirt and gently lowers it over your back, covering his mess with your clothes.

"Leave it until you shower after the shift," he orders.

"But Kino-" you straighten up and start to protest because that's four hours you have to stand at your table like this.

"I said leave it," he growls.

You nod back at him with your eyes on the floor, dejected. "Yes, Kino," you murmur. You can feel something running down the middle of your back, and you try not to shiver. Or think about it, or else you won't think about anything else.

"Now get back on the floor." He steps to the side.

You had considered staying behind so you could hide in the corner and touch yourself while thinking about his hand on his cock as he teased your entrance. But he must have read your mind and wanted to deny it to you. For now. OR he was worried you would try to clean up. Maybe both.

You walk past him, nearly brushing your shoulder against his arm as you do. It's a very different feeling that settles in your chest as you walk back to your table this time around versus five days ago when you wanted to sob on the floor. Because you're upset, you're disappointed, you're even angry, but you're not broken.

And was it really only five days ago? Have you only been doing this for five days? Maybe it's because it feels like you've been doing this since the moment he grabbed you by the uniform. Maybe you have been, even though you were too off kilter to realize.

You take your place at your table. Alis glances up and starts to say, "welcome back," but instead his eyes widen as he takes in your blotchy red face and puffy eyes.

"What the hell? What happened to you?" He asks, concerned. Everyone else at the table looks up from what they're doing and you watch the concern spread amongst them as they see your appearance.

"I'm mostly fine, I promise, but I'll tell you after shift." You sniffle and take a deep calming breath. "Jevid, how are the numbers?" Your voice is still shaky and you're trying not to think about your back.

"Down by less than a rack. Eight right now."

"Think we can catch up and take first?" You give him a determined look.

He puffs his cheeks out as he sighs. "It could be doable. It'd be close though."

"How about it fellas?" You look around at the rest of them. "Wanna help me take first?"

Threl stares at you for a moment, like he's trying to deduce what happened just based on your mood. "Why's that, kid?"

"Because there are some mother fuckers at table 4 I want to punch in their stupid faces, but I can't so destroying them in the numbers is all I got."

Several of them look over at table 4, where some of the men there are also glancing up in your direction.

"Did they do this?" Sorrek's voice is low and dangerous, not the gentle woe of sad dad. He straightens to his full, now admittedly intimidating, height and glowers at them. Kino's words about Sorrek's previous occupation ring in your ears.

"I was crying because Kino yelled at me, but they're the reason." You clear your throat. "I'll tell you all what happened after shift, I swear, but until then, they deserve it. So you in?"

"Yeah, I'm in. Those guys are assholes anyway." Alis begins tightening a bolt and you've never known how he moves that fast. He makes you feel clumsy and slow.

"Hell yeah!" Taybus is so excited, he shakes Edii by the shoulder and the other man just stares at him. Bewildered, but not angry. Which is progress.

"Well, then let's kick it into gear. Don't forget to sound off when you're done and call out parts. Goes faster when we get a feel for the whole table." Threl says as he begins to move. Everyone else begins to follow his lead.

Your table takes the shift by one fucking part. That's only because you guys got the last one put up minutes before the bell. …And because table 3 had a slight malfunction that slowed them down enough that you could catch up. You'll still take it.

You know Kino will be proud of you and it will somewhat make up for him being angry. That fills you with gratification. You also know table 4 is pissed. Partially because you're sneering at them. But mostly because they're about to be fried. And that also fills you with gratification.

A/N: That's right. I "Secretary (2002) starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader"-ed them. Just added a Kino punishment twist. I regret nothing. I live outside of God's sight and by consequence outside of his love.

Also, boy, I really am doing everything I can to keep them from fucking for as long as possible, huh? 😇

And I promise things get better for her in Chapter 12! 😏 In the meantime, have another chapter meme:

NEXT CHAPTER->

#andor fanfic #kino loy #kino loy x reader #kino loy x f!reader #i want you to show me weak fic #andor #fanfiction

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rahleeyah · 1 year

Note

I’ve been away from tumblr for a while, did you always have a gf?!

Re the EO of it all, the reason ppl catastrophize, include me, at every little thing, is because there is little to no movement. When C first came back I was like relax, things are moving along, then they abruptly stopped giving us anything, no EO no movement, no progress for 3 seasons now. I’m tired. Only saving grace is that I don’t really watch OC, and I’m enjoying SVU this season.

LMAO no not always, we've been together a few months 🤣

So the thing is I understand why people catastrophize, I said in my post I'd been doing it myself, for some of the reasons you mentioned. I never said that people shouldn't express disappointment or concern (I expressed my own frustration in that post several times) and I never like. Passed a judgment on anyone for responding in any kind of way. I was asked my opinion and I gave it. I think everybody knows why we and others are frustrated by this, I think there's been plenty of posts on that topic. I don't want you to think you have to defend your position, when in part I agree with it.

The thing is, if all I ever thought about was how the show isn't doing what I want then all the joy I derive from it would be gone, and I would simply stop watching. Life is too short for me to actually be hurt by a TV show. If I genuinely only felt resentment I would stop. But I haven't, bc I don't feel that way.

what I am doing, all the time, is evaluating what we have been given, what we can reasonably expect, what I can do with what we have been given, and whether at the end of the day it still makes me happy. This is work I am doing for me; other people will do things their own way and it's not up to me to tell them what to think or get upset when we're not in lockstep.

When I am asked about my perspective my answer is going to be based on those four questions above. This a network copaganda series that has never done deep dives into relationships and in fact even for the men Olivia was actually sleeping with only ever gave us brief, periodic glimpses into what was going on at home. The franchise prides itself on not doing a lot of relationship work. Whatever we might want, however compelling a story they may have on their hands with EO, they aren't ever going to center EO. Not bc they hate it (tho perhaps some of tptb do) but bc that simply isn't the kind of show this is. It's a hot dog cart, they're not selling pad thai. When all they have to offer us is a hot dog, well. What else did we expect?

Yes they have the means to do more, but to what extent? Mariska and Chris are already on set for their own shows 16 hours a day, when are they supposed to stop work on their individual shows (which the writers/producers of each show have to prioritize their own show over EO, bc EO is not a show, eo is a concept that is connective between two shows but eo doesn't get renewed, the shows do, and so the shows, individually, have to be good on their own merits) and go to a different set? Esp when they're still filming episodes just like 3-4 out from airing? That schedule is TIGHT. Plus oc has had like three showrunners this season and they aren't even halfway thru filming. They barely know what story they're telling over there and it's unclear whether what we have now is the result of current leadership or the last fingerprints of someone who's already gone. I'm not happy with it, and I've expressed my unhappiness with it, but I'm not gonna like. Just keep repeating how disappointing it is.

The echo chamber of negativity hurts me. I know that some people find comfort in hearing people voice their concerns and discussing that together, but to constantly be soaking in that environment clouds my judgment. It pulls me away from my own thoughts and perspective, it stifles my creativity, and it makes me feel bad, when if I only step outside that discourse and evaluate things for myself, I'm actually pretty happy with where we're at.

So again, when I am asked my opinion, I am not going to contribute to a cycle that hurts me. I am going to be honest about my perspective, and offer some encouragement - and, again, not tell others what to feel.

Y'all feel any kind of way you feel. Everybody has a different outlook and it's important for us to hear a range of voices. But this here is my house, and I will not contribute to distressing others as these conversations sometimes distress me. I'm not going to amplify bitterness. I will not foster it in my own heart and I will not do so to others. I genuinely believe we are in a good place, EO wise. I know it is not what we hoped for, but as we have discussed, many times, what we hoped for was not ever really in the cards. We can't be angry the hot dog cart couldn't sell us a gourmet meal. In fact, if we want a gourmet meal, we frankly should not have come to the hot dog cart at all.

Part of what makes EO so compelling is all the space the show leaves for the audience to draw their own conclusions. If the show was slightly better made or all those holes had been filled in, what would there be for fandom to do? A vibrant fandom full of creative ideas and cool fic and long meta needs a source media that is just a little bit bad, and leaves some of those doors open for interpretation. So I'm glad they're a little bad. That gives me room to work.

That was. Way too long, and not at all what you asked, but I'm still drinking my coffee lmao

#anonymous #e.o asks #s.vu

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300iqprower · 2 years

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A character I mentioned getting screwed over by Fate due to wafiu-ism is Medb, but another that got completely screwed over is Penthesilea, and unlike Medb, I can't really identify why. She got given a bad deal in being introduced in Agatha but she is probably one of the easiest characters to drag out that dumpster fire, there is so many ways to take her character and so many relationships she has to other characters. She and Asclepius shared a writer, he must have seen that it was Penthesilea nephew, Hippolytus, that was raised from the dead, why doesn't she comment on that? In most versions of the story it is the Amazons, lead most likely by her, that accidently kill Hippolytus's mother, in this case most likely Antiope, shouldn't that be addressed? She must feel a lot of guilt over that. She is Romulus's half sister but they don't have voice lines for each other. Penthesilea is a character that had and still has a lot of ways to be explored, but they keep on focusing on this hatred of Achilles for what was a comment that doesn't really matter and it just annoys me, and TM can still do it, they can still expand on her character but it seems like they don't want to. I just wish more people would be able to appreciate who Penthesilea is as a character, the amazoness event was a good start, showing her leadership skills and also it was funny, but I just wish their was more. Also she doesn't have her iconic leopard skin cape, which is lame, give her the damn cape, it might be petty, but it shows how good of a fighter she is!

Sorry this took a while to get back to but I had to look into Penth's myths more. I knew a lot less about the Amazonians than I thought, like the fact they get their name from the belief they would cut off a breast so they could better use a longbow. Holy shit that is metal.

I feel like Penth is a character torn between Nasu's obvious adoration of greek mythology and FGO's priority of making sure there's not such thing as a strong independent female character who doesn't have some sort of caveat that makes it so they wont "Scare off" the (believed) target whale audience of insecure men. The end result is a character with a lot of qualifiers and self contradictions that are best resolved by sweeping her under the rug entirely.

I'm not against the idea of her being obsessively angry with Achilles; there's a ton of potential in that and if done right it wouldn't just boil down to "Oh this character is a badass bc we want to make sure you know this other character is an even better SUPER MEGA badass" unlike......actually I was gonna give a snarky "cough X cough" example but there's too many to pick from. Regardless, this post does a great job outlining what i mean and goes a step beyond by framing it in fate specific lore.

But they obviously didn't do that in the game. She never even had enough substance to commit to that level of deeper meaning (though the stuff that post talks about is very much hinted at in her dialogue) and that's because of the aforementioned "just pretend it doesn't exist" approach to an amazonian queen and how it's at odds with the gacha status quo. Not a real status quo, mind you, I think I speak for all of good taste when I say if Penth was a take no shit unflappable badass commander I would love her more for it not less. I'm talking about this ASSUMED belief on the part of those wringing money out of things that the only market is straight insecure men who want someone to be dependent on them. I'm sure you already know this and that it's exactly what you meant by "screwed over by waifuism" but I want to outline it because it makes clear just how at odds a character like Penth is. Her design, her mannerisms, her story relevance or rather lackthereof, all of it is them trying their damndest to skirt around the obvious. To restate what i've said time and again, these things aren't always inherently issues, but things that would normally be innocuous become problematic when you know there is a specific malicious intent.

In fact that's exactly why even though as I said her hatred for Achilles could be an incredible point of depth, it still ends up being on the list of problematic things with her.

Penth is obsessed with a man, and she specifically hates him, and even though she's clearly shown to not hate all men, her character is hyperfocused on that hatred of Achilles in order to make it "special" that she doesn't hate you (with the game as per usual being written with a clear assumption that the player is male); her 4th ascencion and bond 5 lines post name reveal are EXTREMELY on the nose about this, basically labeling you "the exception" to her not wanting to be seen as a women first and foremost, and portraying her desire for otherwise to be childish and naive.

Which brings me to the part that killed my interest in her as a character. She's retroactively de-aged which, on top of just being fucked up and so very very problematic for completely standalone reasons, means they can have their cake and eat it regarding her design. She's fixated on the events that happened at the end of her life how they define who she is, yet they don't have to actually portray her as that person. Supposedly she pulled a liz because she doesn't want to be seen as the same beautiful person Achilles fell in love with. She wants to be seen as a warrior first and foremost. Ok, if she's obsessed with being seen as a warrior then why doesnt she wear any armor? Why doesn't she have her golden belt, or her famous leopard pelt, or her crescent shield, or her helm? I'm fine with her not wielding a bow or lance, in fact IMO her (afaik completely original) ball and chain wielding along with the claws is easily her best aspect in terms of character design. But not even a mention of archery, the thing from which the amazons got their name? I'm not asking to show a mutilated chest or something, if she's younger and doesn't yet have to worry about that sort of thing that's a chance to have your cake and eat in a GOOD way! (and obviously ILR breasts are not going to be an issue with archery but baseless myths like that have affected character design before so...) But again, they don't do any of that. She's barely got anything on and nothing indicative of warrior status aside from the weapons themselves, which is such a blatant contradiction of their own in-universe reason for her appearance. If she's so obsessed with looking like a warrior, why is she wearing almost nothing and her FA is a stereotypical "undressing by waterside" portrait? Actually I know why, it's in addition to stupid eye candy garbage to the convey that this is an act, that she's obsessed with being this perfect warrior but at the end of the day under that nonexistent armor is a human being like anyone else. The mask has to come off eventually...

...even though what she aspires to doesn't have to be inherently wrong or something to live in denial of. Which brings me to the last, and arguably even more damning aspect. She's portrayed as childishly wrong. They emphasize her anger as something along the lines of denying reality and "going through a phase" even if they state otherwise. They try and dress it up with materials and such but there's a very clear tone of bullheaded recklessness she's written with, like someone who won't admit they're wrong and instead pushes back violently against being challenged. She's portrayed as arrogant, not proud. She's portrayed as brash, not determined. She's portrayed as in denial, rather than rightfully frustrated. She's portrayed as if she's a stubborn child who is in the wrong, and her one true story role having her be...THAT in agartha really makes that even more overt.

Penth COULD be an amazing character as you and that post point out. She COULD be an absolute badass with her own identity and expand on her in a dozen different ways without losing anything. But they won't, because that's not their intention. They don't WANT to write her as the best character she could be because that would go against the perceived market they're trying to cater. They would never admit it, but she's written condescendingly. Because in the context of a waifu obsessed gacha, she is patronized simply by existing.

#fgo #penthesilea #fgo penthesilia #never thought i'd get an ask #character analysis #fuck fgo #i swear to god learning that Fate Stay Night completely changed the main character to appeal to straight men explained so much #long post #fate grand order

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asexual-means-no-attraction · 2 years

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I've thought about this for a while and it genuinely does seem that christians consider asexuality (specifically the split attraction version, demisexuality and all that) the ideal and that sexual desire is a sin when not procreating. a lot of countries outside the west tend to have similar thoughts especially towards women. at what point does asexuality become a privilege over those who do experience sexual desire? has there been any research into this?

I don't know about any peer reviewed research. But it's definitely something I've seen discussed. Tho I think using the word privilege takes away from the actual experience of people who deal with this.

I'm going to discuss the USA and more specifically my own experiences I've had with this. Obviously this isnt a call out to a specific community but rather a trend that occurs with in them. Not everyone will agree but regardless here goes.

Important to note, the idea of a women being celibate (not nessesarily asexual) is deemed to be "right." It's significantly more frowned upon for a women to give herself away before marriage then a man. A step further, girls are often insulted for either being a prude or a slut whether they decide to have sex or not. Boys get called "play boys" but it's used in both a positive and negative way. Girls are seen as pure and without sexual desire, which would mean women who are asexual would be held up on a pedestal for being the "right kinda women." The same can't be said for asexual men. And both of these only go to a certain extent.

There would be many parents/family members that would "prefer" their kid be asexual-- specially their daughters. But that's also only temporary. They WILL make a complete 180 when said daughter still doesn't want to date after being an adult, or won't have sex with her husband. The "privilege" only lasts until they want her to have kids. If it's their son then they'll just assume he's gay or has something wrong with him since boys are more likely to be obsessed with sex (or that's how they're perceived to be).

It's not so much that asexuality is the ideal, but rather they just want you to follow their idea of Christian values. Which include saving yourself for marriage, not showing interest until they think it's time, having kids when you're an adult, etc etc. So long as you follow what they want they will be happy. That is not privilege. Because as soon as they realize you won't be who they want any "privilege" is now gone.

What they want aren't asexuals. It's straight people who are celibate till marriage. They'll just consider asexuals as straights who are waiting rather then actually asexuals.

Privilege is something that you can't opt out of, and something you will benefit from no matter how you act. But it doesn't mean you're going to be treated well in every situation and it doesn't mean you'll benefit the same way as those around you. It's like straight passing privilege. It doesn't actually exist. It's not a privilege if it's relaint on acting a specific way or if it can be taken away if you don't perfectly conform to what those around you want.

Just because someone can benefit temporarily from a fucked up part of society/culture doesn't mean they're not hurt by it either. The discussion shouldn't be "do asexuals have privilege within specific religious centered cultures?" It should be discussing how to actually help those hurt by it. Helping to change mindsets. Accepting others. Etc etc. You can talk about how asexuals are treated, and how different it is to how other sexualities are treated, but I think we're failing if we try to just rank different sexualities in terms of privilege.

Cuz in the end they care more about how you present yourself. A gender non conforming straight person is gonna get backlash. A gender conforming gay man might experience better reception then a GNC straight man up until he's outed. Doesn't mean the gay man had privilege up until then. An asexual who isn't interested in dating but comes off as flirty will get negative reception compared to a straight girl who has a sex drive but is waiting till marriage. They just want you to act how they deem acceptable. Anyone else is considered bad.

And that's just the USA. There's other places around the world that are worse, where you're life is at much higher risk.

SUMMARY:

it's not that asexuality is a privilege but rather they just like that you're currently acting how they want. They will flip out the moment they realize you might not want kids or sex ever, or the moment you don't act like the perfect person they want you to be. having to act a specific way to get acceptance isn't a privilege. In the end, they just like asexuality up until they actually want you to be straight.

#answered #ask

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neil-neil-orange-peel · 2 years

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This might sound bad but its female politicians that remind me more of Alan just on a pure physical level? Male politicians always have this walrusy look about them and really dont seem to care or notice their physical appearence or how their suits fit. Female politicians however often have the most impeccable sharp suits, perfect hair and smug smirks like 'i am the shit, i am smart, powerful and sexy, lick my shoe peasant,' which is completely Alan's vibe

Sorry it's taken me so long to answer this. I wanted to answer it properly and I've not had the time or motivation, but it's bugging me so I'll have a go now. 😂

I think that a lot of female politicians put so much effort into their appearance because they will be judged harsher for it - by the press, by other politicians, by the public. It's just old school sexism. In the UK, major female politicians such as Theresa May (when she was relevant, anyway) and Nicola Sturgeon have both had their clothes commented on by news outlets when it really wasn't relevant (I admit May has rather eccentric fashion tastes, but y'know). Recently, Angela Rayner was even attacked in a misogynistic article in the Daily Mail where unnamed Tory MPs accused her of "uncrossing her legs" during PMQs in a bid to distract Boris Johnson. Now, there was actually more than just misogyny at play in that example - there was also a sickening dollop of classism, as the fact that she attended state school and he public school was used against her too - but I think we can all agree that misogyny underlines this like a bad smell. Unfortunately, the political sphere takes a fucking age to update itself and so it's always behind the times - there are MPs in the Commons who act like men from the 1950s (and one man who acts like he's from the 1850s, hello Jacob Rees-Mogg). It's gross. I do believe it's not reflective of the majority of people.

I'm not trying to claim men aren't ever judged for their appearances - of course they are! The number of stories and jokes about Boris Johnson' hair alone makes that argument invalid... but there is definitely a lot to be said about how perceived "ugliness" in a man is not seen as big of an issue or a barrier to success as perceived "ugliness" in a woman. In an ideal world it wouldn't matter, but we live in this world.

To bring this to Alan B'Stard... I've always taken the name of the show (The New Statesman) to mean that he is a new type of statesman. He is nouveau riche, new right, one of Thatcher's storm troopers, disrupting the post-war consensus and smashing the status quo (the irony of which was not lost on more traditional conservatives at the time). Part of this new, flashy politician look involved, quite literally, the look. Alan B'Stard is often heralded as an uncanny precursor to Tony Blair (hence the stage show) and this is because New Labour were very image conscious. Blair was young for a PM at the time and very much played into the idea that he was the dawn of a new age, a step away from the stuffy grey politicians of the past. I mean, in 1997 New Labour literally used the song Things Can Only Get Better as an election chant. 😂

Later, David Cameron saw this and co-opted Blair's modern politician visage but with that extra Tory posh knob flavouring. For some reason, if a male politician looks relatively young, is image conscious, and can talk the talk, people decide to vote for him. This actually even applies to Boris Johnson, but in an almost subverted way. The man - or, at least, his team - must be incredibly image conscious. His hair and general messy appearance are very much The Boris Brand, seen as giving him wide appeal (because, again, apparently the British public like voting in clowns).

The three male examples I've used are all from the last 30 years of political life, meaning Alan slightly predates them. TNS predicated a lot of stuff, so this doesn't surprise me. Most other male politicians of the Thatcher years - of either side of the House, though I admit there are always, even today, certain visual cues for whether someone is a Tory or Labour MP - bore more resemblance to the walrusy look you mentioned. Why? Because there was no reason for them not to. Televising of the Commons only began in 1989, before then a lot of MPs would have been relatively invisible. Likewise, televised TV debates between party leaders was only brought in for the 2010 election, and then extended beyond the main three parties for the 2015 election (Cameron's idea). This results in a much more presidential feel to election campaigns, which has its own foibles in a system that isn't presidential such as the UK's, but I won't get into that here...

What am I saying? Politicians have become more like Alan B'Stard? In a word: yes. That's obvious because Alan represents Thatcherism and Thatcher's legacy is still keenly felt in politics and society today. The "glamourising" of British politics, I suppose, is something Alan championed before it was a completely integrated thing. There are still walrusy men in the Commons today, but a lot of them predate Thatcher (or, at the very least, Blair). If you're a newer politician? You're going to be image conscious. I guess the big difference is, while for the Alan B'Stards of politics this has always been a deliberate choice, for women it's just an expectation. I'm not saying only the men choose to spruce up while the women are expected to - nothing is that black and white, and all politicians have ulterior motives - I'm just saying it's always been more beneficial for women to look their best than it has been for men, so it's unsurprising Alan reminds you of "girlboss" female politicians.

Even Margaret Thatcher herself! The voice. The hair. The handbag. All carefully constructed to court public appeal.

Apologies if none of this makes sense, I have finally caught the bastard coronavirus and it's late here. I'll be going to sleep now. 😂

#asks #anon #uk politics #the new statesman #alan b'stard #me rambling

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dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram · 2 years

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so i’m a gay man who doesn’t think Harry is gay (perhaps bi, but probably straight), and here’s my 2 cents. i’ll start off with something from a prev ask: “they’re essentially calling him fake and super calculated. I’m wondering if you think his team should take any steps to mitigate people thinking this way, and what they should do.” like, is that not fake and calculated? to rely on a PR team to make it seem like you aren’t fake?? he is a very public figure, and to say that his sexuality is “no one’s business” is a cheap excuse imo. musicians who are straight or queer but OUT have their business made into everyone else’s business… it feels like he wants to have his cake and eat it too, to pander to all of his audiences regardless of what his sexual orientation actually is. it feels irresponsible in 2022 to say “labels don’t matter” when representation is an issue still. it seems like he just doesn’t have anything to “come out” as. wearing androgynous fashion for photoshoots (not his real life) and waving flags onstage (not offstage) is not solid proof that someone isn’t straight.

This is fascinating anon - and since you came to me, I am going to ask you all the questions that come up when I have this sort of take.

My first question is about compulsory heterosexuality. You don't say why you see Harry the way that you do. And like I do get people who aren't paying much attention seeing him as straight. But you're on my tumblr, so you must have some context. No wearing androgynous fashion and waving rainbow flags on stage doesn't mean that someone's straight (I think 'solid proof' is very long), but what about expressing attraction to men?

Harry's expressed attraction to men, more often than he has expressed attraction to women (I think in public in total, and certainly since say the beginning of 2013). He actively engages in queer culture. He says that gender isn't important. He has been publicly linked to women, but he hasn't commented on or confirmed those relationships. To me assuming Harry is straight seems like compulsory heterosexuality.

My second question is - is your first sentence really true - because most of what you say here is very odd if you think Harry is straight. Because it seems mostly resenting that he might be queer and closeted. Which is like a position, but not a reason to think he's straight.

A lot of what you say here just straight up isn't true. Harry has never said 'labels don't matter'. What he said was: "The whole point of where we should be heading, which is toward accepting everybody and being more open, is that it doesn't matter, and it's about not having to label everything, not having to clarify what boxes you're checking."

Now you may disagree with that - I do. But I can see why someone might hold it and refuse to name their sexuality in response (and also why someone who wasn't free to name their sexuality might present it as their belief).

I just wish you'd be a little bit more honest and if what you mean is, "Harry should be out if he's queer" then own that belief, rather than present your belief that you think he's straight to avoid the full implications.

Finally, I want to push back a little bit on the idea that representation is an issue still. There are lots of ways I could disagree with that idea (I don't think representation is a stand alone issue, and I really object to using the idea that it is as an excuse for individualistic politics). But actually to me the fundamental error of this is the idea that only out people can represent queer experience. Closeted experiences are a huge part of queerness. It's bizarre to me to treat out queer representation as the only type of queer representation.

#I would lvoe to talk about all these issues #but this doesn't seem like a particualrly coherent representation of this viewpoint

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favoniuscodex · 3 years

Text

the art of modernity [ prologue ]

prologue - jueyun karst

pairing: xiao x gn!reader warnings: canon-typical violence mention words: ~1.8k words fic masterlist [ prev ] - [ next ]

chapter summary: you drag four of your closest friends to jueyun karst to chase after possible traces of the adepti. none of them expect for you to actually find any, but hey, anything is possible, right?

a/n: can't believe 'making xiao eat a chicken nugget and french fries' is becoming an actual fic but here we are. enjoy !! :D

when you had asked yanfei the legal repercussions of disrupting jueyun karst, the entire brunch table had looked at you as if you had grown a third eye. kaeya had sat down the third mimosa he had been nursing, while childe had actually stopped speaking for once. yanfei giggled with intrigue and keqing had stared at you with an expression that screamed are you serious right now?

yet somehow, you had ended up in keqing's overcrowded car and made a road trip to fuel your farfetched dreams. sure, like any kid growing up, you had read percy jackson and the archons, but, unlike most kids, you had taken the myths of the archons seriously. shrines and ruins still sung praises of their names, but most liyuean mythology was treated as having no greater value than old folk tales. the world had moved on past the need of teyvat's expansive pantheon of the elemental archons, visions, and celestia, yet some scholars sought to prove the existence of the old gods. most of the time, their efforts were fruitless.

you, of course, were no scholar. you were simply a dumbass who graduated college and decided in their post-college/pre-settled life panic to go traverse the treacherous lands of jueyun karst. as prosperous as liyue was, jueyun karst still remained heavily untouched as there were areas that even rich moguls were scared to get their grubby hands on. why turn the beautiful mountains and swirling lakes into sprawling shopping centers if the entire area was rumored to be cursed anyways? so, the country had turned jueyun karst into a protected area in the form of a national park.

but now, with your car full of three and a half dumbasses (keqing certainly doesn't count and yanfei is only halfway to idiocy), you had decided to certainly ignore the title of protected area. you had full intentions of disrupting whatever you could get your grimy hands on. you wanted to see the adepti in action and, if others called you crazy for it, then so be it.

"gods, where even are we?" kaeya asks. his tone lacks the annoyance you would expect from childe nor the worried-yet-still-composed nature you would expect from keqing's words. so, you shrug him off with a simple wave of your hand.

"not really sure, but there's enough of us out here that we won't die, right?" you ask and kaeya stares at you blankly before turning to look behind the two of you at the three stragglers.

"keqing!" he calls, realizing that you are of no help. "where are we?"

keqing huffs as she approaches the two of you while yanfei and childe stagger behind her, both acting tired despite being some of the most athletic people you know. in typical keqing fashion, she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a compass. kaeya stares as the compass needle spins around aimlessly in her hand, its connection clearly disrupted by some force in the area.

"oh gods, what does that mean? we're going to die. we're going to die out here," childe deadpans, panic creeping into his voice. yanfei swats him playfully on the arm before he can begin his usual theatrics, knowing full and well how childe loves living in the spotlight.

"dying in a protected national park is illegal," yanfei adds and kaeya stares at her with a baffled expression.

"what? are the police going to arrest a corpse?" kaeya asks incredulously and yanfei folds her arms over her chest, staring at him with narrowed eyes.

"didn't you want to be a cop at one point? shouldn't you be aware as to how arresting procedures work?" yanfei asks and kaeya recoils at her question.

"no, i was considering going into military like my dad. i don't wanna be a cop," kaeya shoots back and childe jokingly gags once he hears the word 'military'.

"military? yuck," childe says and becomes the next recipient to receive childe's incredulous gaze.

"didn't you literally join the fatui for two years?" kaeya asks but childe shakes his head.

"not like you have any proof," the ginger-haired man shoots back.

"i can easily acquire proof?" kaeya says, but keqing clears her throat loudly before the two men can engage in a full showdown of words.

"c'mon, guys, we have bigger problems to solve than childe's blatant lies," keqing redirects the conversation with ease but not before kaeya lets out a triumphant hmph at keqing's words. "like figuring out why this compass isn't working and figuring out how to get back because it doesn't work."

"ooh, maybe it's not working because there are ghosts nearby," childe says, but before yanfei and kaeya can engage with his dumbassery once more, you interject.

"it's likely just elemental energy or adeptal energy. i know you guys probably don't believe in them, but this is said to be the former realm of the adepti. wouldn't be surprised if there are traces of them left!" you say, voice far too cheery for the implication of your words. kaeya only shrugs at the suggestion that gods are watching over you as you travel through the park, yanfei only looks intrigued in a nearly-dangerous way, keqing looks nonplussed due to her strong belief that the gods no longer exist, and childe looks absolutely terrified yet is trying to act like he isn't.

"anyways," you continue. "maybe there's a domain!"

"ancient liyuean law forbids unauthorized entrance into domains without proper licensure from the adventurer's guild," yanfei says, as if knowing ancient law is a completely normal activity for a twenty-something-year-old.

"what is a domain?" keqing and kaeya ask at the same time before glancing at each other.

"i'm... not sure. pretty sure they have like... ancient monsters and stuff," you confess and, for the first time today, childe perks up excitedly, eagerly taking a step closer to you.

"monsters? like those uh... hollychirls? whatever they're called? how big do you think they are?" childe asks with an excited glimmer in his eyes.

"weren't you just worried about dying?" keqing asks, but childe ignores her question.

"so like... we're trying to find this domain, right?" childe asks, confused. "what are we looking for?"

"i don't really see why a domain would have adepti traces so we're probably better off looking for something else," you say and yanfei perks up.

"like that?" she asks, pointing off at something glowing faintly orange in the distance. you squint slightly in an attempt to better look at it, but you're unable to distinguish what exactly yanfei as pointing at.

"we might as well go see what that is," keqing says and you're slightly surprised for the purple-haired girl to suggest such a thing, but you figure she's just trying to find a place where her compass actually works. the spinning dial isn't too much of a concern for you since you're in no rush to leave, but the friends you've brought along aren't quite as keen on discovering the secrets of the adepti as you are, so you follow the herd as they begin to move over to the glowing orange light.

the five of you climb down, approaching what soon reveals itself as a stone pillar with a glowing chunk of cor lapis on top. it's certainly nothing new and is probably a protected relic, yet no guards are stationed in front of it. it's almost certainly been discovered before, so why isn't it..?

"oh, isn't this area usually flooded?" yanfei asks and everyone turns to stare at her.

"you've been here before?" keqing asks and you wonder to yourself when these people will stop asking questions and instead keep looking for hints.

"you guys haven't traveled to jueyun karst before?" yanfei asks, confused. "yeah, this area's usually flooded with water. i've never seen that thing before."

if it's usually flooded, then it was likely discovered before, but not relocated, you think to yourself and immediately break out in a sprint towards the cor lapis tower. sure, it was about the height of you, with the cubic chunk on top reaching the height of your head, yet you were more than satisfied with looking at the carvings on the side. childe is the first to catch up with you, using his long legs to match your pace. he sighs as you finally stop and watches as you frantically begin poking and prodding at the pillar.

"are you sure that's a good idea?" he asks, nervously. "what if it's a mechanism or something?"

"what's the worst that could happen?" you ask and childe sputters over his words.

"a lot of things!" childe insists, yet kaeya, keqing, and yanfei's joined arrival interrupts him from making an even bigger fuss.

"try putting your palm flat on the diamond," yanfei suggests and you take a step back. with a steady hand, you lays her palm flat against the side of the pillar, in which a diamond has been engraved onto its surface. around the group of you, the remnants of water begin to glow orange as the pillar emits an even stronger, unnatural glow of energy. the pillar begins to vibrate rapidly and yanfei lets out a small, knowing laugh while the rest of you watch, wide-eyed and confused by the moving pillar.

yet, all that happens is that the cor lapis situated on the top of the pillar falls off, landing on the side of the pillar with a resounding crack. the four of your friends immediately move over to look at the now shattered chunk of cor lapis on the ground, yet you gravitate towards the stone pillar. on the spot where the cor lapis fell, a single name is etched into the stone, as if this pillar is supposed to mark a specific area.

"'xiao'?" you breathe, reading off the word on the pillar.

"what's xi-" kaeya begins, glancing over at you, but before he can finish, a flash of green appears on the opposite side of your friends. your lips part in shock as you watch the deity appear before you. a mask rests on his face and a polearm rests in his hand, yet despite his disguised face, you can sense the anger rolling off his form in waves. his green hair ruffles in the wind as his free hand reaches up to lower his mask. infuriated amber eyes pierce into yours, but the adeptus speaks before you can.

"i am adeptus xiao. how dare you mortals infringe upon jueyun karst and disrupt my land?" xiao seethes and, for once, all five of you are silent as the yaksha points his polearm at you.

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#xiao x reader #genshin impact x reader #xiao #genshin impact #//the art of modernity #//taom #axia's writing

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bi-bard · 3 years

Text

Milkshakes - Team Free Will Imagine (Supernatural)

Title: Milkshakes

Pairing: Team Free Will X Platonic!Fem!Reader (as put in the request)

Requested: @gabrielasilva1510

Word Count: 1,846 words

Warning(s): violence, death

Summary: [Early Season 11 (Before Episode 10)] Sam and Dean think that there's something that can be The Darkness. Castiel warns them but... who knows? Maybe God's ultimate weapon isn't as scary as it seems.

Author's Note: I used dodie for outfit inspiration because the outfit matched the vibe but change it if you want. I only used a female read because it's in the request and it helped with clarity because the whole imagine is in 3rd person (I do usually use they/them pronouns in my work). Finally, I thought the milkshake flavor sounded good, but you can change it in your mind if you want to.

Hey! I did a rewrite of the ending of Supernatural. It took a really long time to complete, so it would mean a lot to me if you check it out. Here’s a link! (it’s on my personal account)

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--Third Person P.O.V--

Sam was leaning over a lore book in the library. It was too early for him to be so focused on the book but he felt like he needed to. The Darkness being released was his fault, he needed to find a solution.

Dean walked in from the kitchen with a cup of coffee and was clearly still half-asleep. He sat across from his brother.

"What're you reading," Dean grumbled out in between sips of coffee.

"I found this book about the most powerful beings," Sam explained. "Most of them are just rumored to exist but I thought it'd give us a jumping-off point on where to find something to help us defeat Amara."

"Anything interesting," Dean asked.

"A Nephilim; kid of an angel and a human," Sam said. "There's no mention that they could kill someone as powerful as God. Then there's..."

Sam trailed off and went back through the book, hunting for a particular page he had read nearly an hour ago. He pointed to the page once he found it.

"This doesn't even have a name but it describes a creature created by God to be a weapon," Sam explained. "I was doing some snooping on some message boards when I first found out about it. There's a lot of religious nuts and self-proclaimed hunters who think this thing is gonna be the end of the world. They say it's a prophecy that can't be stopped."

"And you think hunting it down is a good idea," Dean asked.

"Listen, I don't think it's fair to think this thing wants to end the world," Sam replied. "I think it's the best choice we have right now."

"Alright, fine, where do we look," Dean asked.

The boys didn't have to look far before Castiel popped into the library. He asked where they had gotten on their path to defeat Amara. His eyes went wide when they explained what they wanted to do.

"Are you two insane," Castiel asked.

"Listen-"

"No, I know more about this than either of you," the angel stopped Dean's argument. "This creature could kill you both with a look and end the world with a flick of the wrist and you want to track it down?!"

"Isn't it worth trying," Sam asked.

"'Trying,'" Castiel was so unbelievable done with the idiotic decisions of the Winchesters at that point.

"If we don't try something, then Amara kills all of us anyways," Dean said. "We need something Cas. This could be the thing."

Castiel sighed, letting his head fall forward for a moment before looking back up at the boys.

"Fine," Castiel threw his hands up. "Do you know how to find this thing?"

"Looks like a spell," Sam turned the book so Castiel could look at the page. "We should have everything. It's strange no one's tried-"

"Succeeded," Castiel corrected. "People have probably tried if the spell is so simple."

"Okay, good, let's get the supplies and give it a shot," Dean clapped his hands and stood up.

In a matter of minutes, the boys and their angel were back around the table and ready to start the spell.

Castiel and Dean jumped when Sam grabbed a knife and nicked his hand.

"One of us needs to be bonded," Sam explained. "Like a human compass. It feels right that it's me."

He didn't wait for the other two to respond before he started reading the spell of the book. Castiel and Dean exchanged a look for a moment.

As he finished the spell, a purple flame shot up from the bowl for a second. Sam felt his arm tingling from the wound up. He shook it out, trying to understand what it was telling him.

States over, a young girl, a college student visiting home, is sitting in a booth at a small diner.

In between page turns, she sits up straight. Her eyes flash the same purple as the flame from the spell before she snaps out of the trance.

She looks around. Everything feels different. It's like the air had shifted around her. She furrowed her eyebrows... what the hell was that?

--time skip--

Dean pulled the impala up to the curb of the street. The three of them look at the nice house. White picket fence, two stories, a garden.

"Are you sure about this," Dean asked Sam. "This seems like a pretty normal house."

Sam nodded, "I can feel it. It's here."

"Alright, let's go," Dean replied.

The three of them got out of the car and made their way up the pathway. None of them knew what fight they were going to get once they opened that door. It could've been a deadly fight. They may not have even had a chance to fight.

Still, with one last silent check with the others, Dean lifted his hand and knocked on the door.

The last thing they expected was for a girl to open the door with a wide smile. She had a white dress on with an orange cardigan over the top.

"Hello," she said happily. "What can I help you with?"

"Sam," Dean looked at his brother. Sam just nodded. He could feel it in his gut. "What's your name?"

"(Y/n)," the girl replied. "And you are?"

"I'm Sam," the taller man answered. "This is Dean and Cas."

"Nice to meet you," she held a hand out.

Sam awkwardly accepted, shaking her hand. They both froze, eyes flashing purple before they both stepped back from each other.

"That was weird," (Y/n) mumbled, frowning at her hand. "What was that?"

The boys looked at each other but before they could speak, there was a crash from inside the house. The girl jumped.

"Who's that," Dean asked.

"I don't know," she replied. "My parents are gone. No one else is supposed to be here."

Sam and Dean grabbed their guns before all of them walked inside.

Before they could get any answers for themselves, an angel rounded the corner and tried to grab (Y/n), who ran behind the others as soon as she saw the angel.

She stumbled backward toward the wall in shock and fear. She covered her mouth as the more angels walked into her living, not that she knew that's who they were.

Sam, Dean, and Cas were getting thrown around.

"Stop," Sam yelled as they walked toward (Y/n).

"We need something to defeat the Darkness," one of the angels said. "This is our option. Thank you for leading us to her."

(Y/n) was shaking more as she listened. The Darkness? Why was she so important to them? To the boys or the others who had broken into her house?

"Come on, (Y/n)," one of the angels had a hand out to her. She shook her head and the angel chuckled. "Fine. Make this harder."

The others came running at her.

"No," she yelled, dropping to the ground, and covering herself with her arms.

A pulse of energy shot out. The angels that had broken in had burned in front of her.

Dean, Sam, and Cas looked at each other.

(Y/n) slowly looked up from where she was.

"Hey," Sam walked over, kneeling next to her. "You alright?"

"What was that," she asked, shaking. "Who are you? Who were they? What did I do?"

"Hey, hey," Sam touched the girl's shoulders. "It's alright. Hey... how about we go somewhere to calm down? How about some food, yeah? Is there a restaurant nearby or something?"

She nodded. Sam helped her stand up fully and led her to the impala. Dean and Cas sat in the front while Sam and (Y/n) took the backseat.

(Y/n) rambled about a small diner nearby, giving Dean quick directions before falling silent again.

The four of them took a booth in the farthest back corner. (Y/n) sat leaning against the wall, Sam next to her and Cas and Dean across from her.

"Umm... do you know what you want," Sam asked quietly, making (Y/n) aware of the waitress there.

She was an old friend, "You alright, (Y/n)?"

"Yeah," (Y/n) nodded. "I'm just a little tired. Umm... can I get a cherry vanilla milkshake?"

"That it for you, dear," the waitress checked. (Y/n) nodded with a grin, playing with the end of her cardigan's sleeves.

The waitress took the other three's orders before walking away.

"Who were those people," (Y/n) asked. "Why did they break into my house?"

"Because God made you a weapon," Cas said bluntly, making (Y/n)'s eyes go wide.

"A weapon?"

"He means," Dean jumped in, "you have powers that you don't know about. That's why you were able to get rid of those angels."

"Those were angels," she tried to keep her voice down. They all nodded. "I thought angels were supposed to be good?"

"They are supposed to follow orders," Cas corrected. "Not all of them are good."

She nodded, "Are you guys angels?"

"No, well, Sam and I aren't," Dean pointed between him and his brother. "Cas is."

"Oh," she muttered. "You're not-"

"I'm not gonna force you to go to heaven to defeat the Darkness," Cas promised.

"The Darkness," she said. "What's that? Why do I need to fight it?"

"The Darkness is... kind of our fault," Sam explained. "She's trying to create a new world in her image, which includes destroying this one."

"So, how'd you find me," she asked.

Before they could answer, the waitress came back, dropping off their food and drinks. (Y/n) leaned forward and took a sip of her milkshake and grinned to herself for a moment.

The boys were so confused. This was God's weapon?

"Well, Dean and I are hunters," Sam continued once (Y/n) back over to him. "We hunt monsters. Our grandpa was part of this group, the Men of Letters. They have a book in their collection that talks about you. There was a spell that led us to you."

She nodded but furrowed her eyebrows. Monsters? God? Hunters? After what had happened today, she struggled to deny all of it but was still hesitant to believe them?

"Well, if the Darkness knows I can defeat... her... won't she be looking for me too," (Y/n) asked.

"We can keep you safe," Dean promised.

"You're sure?"

"As sure as possible," he nodded.

(Y/n) looked down for a moment, "Okay. I'll go with you. I just... I need to get some stuff from my house and tell my parents that I'll be gone."

"You can't tell them where you're going or why," Dean said. "It'll put them in danger."

She bit her lip, "If it saves them in the long run, fine."

(Y/n) asked a lot more questions that day as they ate in the diner. They told her about monsters and the big bads they had faced. Monsters' weaknesses and abilities. Their other hunting buddies. People she could trust.

Sam, Dean, and Cas trusted her immediately. They felt like they needed to. Like she was a person to rely on.

And there- over a cherry vanilla milkshake- (Y/n) watched her entire life change forever.

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downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles · 3 years

Text

We Met Within This Screen (chapt. 3 PART 1)

[Donnie x reader]

sfw, part 2 here

"Leo?"

Donnie froze. Leo stood firm where he was. The atmosphere of the lab fell still and Donnie got up from his chair, slipping his phone into his pocket.

"I was getting ready," Donnie almost stammered out, though he managed to get through it barely. "Just…"

He couldn't think of anything to say. No excuses; he knew he was caught. Why would he have been smiling, chuckling at his phone? Why would he have been that distracted as to not detect his brother? There was no explanation to give. He was far less acute than their leader in his senses—less intuitive—to have been able to know that. He berated himself as Leo folded his arms and gave him a look of knowing. Always with that look. You knew you were busted when Leo deployed that one.

"You can either tell me what's going on now or you can do it out there, where everyone can hear," said Leo sternly, body partially blocking the exit anyway.

Donnie scratched on the same spot on the back of his neck that he'd always picked at when he felt uncomfortable. "I can explain," he finally said in a low tone. "Just let me. And please don't alert everyone else immediately. Promise?"

Pausing, Leo contemplated on his response, coming to the decision that he'd at least give him that. He nodded and motioned for him to start, "Go ahead."

"I, um…"

Donnie's heart rate picked up a bit as he began to feel a wash of embarrassment seep in. He'd never been very open to his brothers about how he sometimes wanted connection with the outside world. He hadn't thought much about love or romance given their situation, either, but it did crop up from time to time—he still never mentioned it.

Releasing a deep breath, he explained, "I met someone. Over a game. She wanted to text, and I figured that, since the possibility of—"

Leo halted him. "Time out, what? You met someone on a game, they wanted to text, and you just...agreed?" he asked, surprised himself by Donnie's actions. Before he would hear his brother's response, he continued, cutting him off once again, "Did you forget that there's a reason why we don't just go around talking to whoever?"

Donnie felt a spark of anger and he stood up straighter, stepping forward toward Leo. He hated nothing more than being implied he was stupid or naive. But he still kept his distance, and still tried to keep his voice low so that prying ears couldn't hear.

"Trust me, Leo! I've been talking to her for a few weeks. We only started officially texting recently. You know I've fixed up our phones so they aren't traceable; what is the issue? Am I not allowed to have my own life?"

Leo scoffed lightly, shaking his head. "Don, come on, dude," he reasoned, "can you even be sure that's a girl?"

Donnie's lip twitched in annoyance and he scoffed, himself. Of course he was sure! If he'd ever had any inkling he was being baited by an older man, he never would have played with them, or even agreed to text. But Leo didn't seem to listen to anyone's intuition but his own and Splinter's, and so he wouldn't hear out that argument. Donnie suddenly wished she'd sent a picture of herself so he could prove to his brother that he was not, in fact, that empty-headed.

"Also, you do have your own life, it's with us. Which means I have to look out for both you and the rest of the family. I mean it when I say this is risky. Don't be a fool, Donnie. Plus, what were you planning on doing when she eventually wants to know more about you? Lie your way through it? Even if she is who you say she is, it still doesn't change the fact that she's a human girl and you're a mutant. And you can't keep up the charade forever."

Donnie's heart panged at his last words. He wanted so badly to say that he was wrong, but really, he knew that Leo was painfully correct. He couldn't keep up the act forever. Not unless he wanted a friendship built upon lies and deceit by omission. As much as he hated to admit it, Leo was right; it was foolish to have thought it would somehow work out.

Silence befell them, and even though he spoke the truth, Leo felt bad upon seeing his face fall like that. He reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "I know it gets lonely. We all do. But you have to face it, Don. That up there? It isn't for us," he told him gently, trying hard to lift the tension from the room. "Let's just stick to what we know best, okay?"

The shadows.

Eyes averted at the ground, Donnie swept the hand on his shoulder off. He walked right past his brother and grabbed some gear on his way out. "Yeah. Let's go." His reply was quiet and curt, steady as he could make it. Though on the inside, he was frustrated. Frustrated that he'd dug himself into a hole that he'd now have to not only dig himself out of, but let down someone else while he was at it. He'd have to let her go. Less angry was he with himself as he was his situation, and Leo knew that feeling well. He wanted to protect his brother—he just hoped Donnie would see that.

Out on patrol, they went about their routine as usual, but everyone noticed the mood-shift. Raph and Mikey were excitable as ever, but the other two were more reserved that night, not talking much to each other.

They leaped from one rooftop to another where they decided to stop for a quick rest, Mikey racing ahead of all of them as he vaulted from the roof and onto the next. "You guys are slow!" he called from the other side. He grinned and jumped up onto the scaffold of a water tower while Raph barrelled across the gap with a roll on impact, Leo choosing to take a flip. Donnie trailed behind and simply jumped the ledge.

"Yo, what's up, D?" Mikey asked through heavy breaths, picking up on his standoffishness. "You been quiet all night!"

"And you're slow as hell," Raph commented. While not as perceptive as Mikey, he had noticed the odd tension and was beginning to get suspicious as well. He knew someone wasn't saying something; he just didn't know what.

Leo and Donnie exchanged looks. He silently hoped that Leo would take the hint, but when Leo sighed and glanced back at the other two, he knew it was hopeless. He'd get chastised at for being ignorant all over again. At least by Raph, he judged. Mikey couldn't really talk because he'd been in a similar boat before, and now, he knew how he'd felt all those times they got onto Mikey for trying to make contact with humans.

"Well?" demanded Raph, crossing his arms over his broad chest. "You gonna tell us or what?" His eyes were on Leo rather than Donnie, because he already had an idea that they both knew something that he and Mikey didn't, but everyone turned to Leo when something like this came up.

Leo chewed on his lower lip for a second, conflicted as to whether he would come out with it or save Donnie's pride. They were brothers, family—he couldn't feel truthful keeping them in the dark. But he also recognized that it wasn't his place to say it. He instead turned to Donnie himself, looking for any sign of what they were gonna do. It was up to him, he concluded; if he wanted to stay quiet about it, he could.

Mikey was confused. Raph was growing more impatient. Donnie felt pressured to blurt it out. And he did.

Breaking, Donnie strung out, "I met someone online and we started talking and Leo found out and I didn't want you guys to know because it was stupid and...and...oh, just let me finish this now!"

Leo awkwardly stood back in silence while Raph looked at Mikey, then back at Donnie and him, and soon enough everyone was just staring at one another, all waiting for someone to say something, but no one did. Done, Donnie took his phone out and opened up the messages shared between him and her, holding it out for his brothers to see.

Without warning Raph snatched the phone from his hand and started scrolling, Mikey peering around his shoulder and trying to push him out of the way to see.

"You actually talked to a girl," Mikey awed. He was excited at first, but it faded when he thought about the fact that Donnie had kept a secret from them. They didn't keep secrets.

"Yeah, one named [y/n], who lives in New York City," Raph emphasized, "and works at wherever this is…and...how did you even meet this girl, Don? Is that even a girl?" he questioned Donnie accusingly, waving the phone around as he spoke. He almost dropped it and Donnie quickly took it from him, telling him to be careful as he slipped it back into the strap on his bicep.

Leo kept vigilant watch around them while the conversation played out, being the only one truly paying attention. His eye caught some erratic movement in a tucked-away alley down below them.

"For the last time, yes! She is a girl! And I met her on a game," Donnie answered, throwing his hands down.

"Save it for later, guys, we got company," Leo interjected. He pointed down at the alleyway adjacent to the building they were on and motioned for them to get moving, dropping down onto the fire escape of an apartment complex.

Raph bumped Donnie in the arm purposefully as they approached the edge of the roof, "We ain't done yet," he said, dropping onto the fire escape.

"Yeah, not done yet," Mikey added whimsically.

Groaning under his breath, Donnie whipped out his staff, and leaped down.

Mikey followed behind him, jumping the ledge and launching himself to the opposite balcony. They came upon the scene of a couple of men each carrying a sack out of a backdoor in a building, what was assumed to be the ringleader overseeing it from a car parked next to them.

They turtles were silent, perfectly hidden and moved within the black of night as they descended. Raph pulled out his sai and was about to drop down on one of the unsuspecting men when Leo shoved him back. "Hold on," Leo told him. Begrudgingly, Raph stood down. Donnie peered around the corner from ground level while Mikey clinged to a wall in the shadows. Above, Leo and Raph took the high ground, watching them from a balcony nearby.

"Hurry up and get this shit loaded into the car, I don't wanna get caught back here," a rough voice ordered from the vehicle. Donnie spotted another person in the passenger's seat.

"We're goin' as fast as we can!" one of the men spat back. All were beefed up, tattooed, and based on the scars, no strangers to a fight.

Raph looked at Leo with a smirk. Leo gave the signal and everyone closed in, red and blue dropping from the balcony onto the two completely unaware men, while Donnie and Mikey went to take care of those in the car.

"What the fuck?!" a man shouted, stumbling back as the duo dropped heavily in front of them. He tossed the sack away and Raph saw he was going to pull out a gun, which Raph went for immediately with his sai. He charged into the man before he could even try to aim and stuck the arm holding the pistol with his three-pronged weapon, forcing his wrist down and the gun to fall out of his hand. Leo took the other and barely had to use any force in pinning the man against the wall with his blade and forearm, but had to duck out of the way when Mikey came through swinging his nunchucks at one of the men who had tried to flee the scene.

"Watch where you're going with those things, Mikey!" Leo yelled, grunting as a crowbar collided with the side of his head. He spun around and threw his fist at whoever was behind him, an incapacitating blow to a human, but barely his full strength.

Mikey easily caught his target and gave his legs a mighty sweep to sent him tumbling down. "You thought!" he bellowed with a laugh. "Can't outrun M.C. Mikey."

Donnie caught the driver on the far end of the fight scurrying to pick up the sacks before making his getaway, and quickly he forcefully jabbed his staff into the solar plexus of the man, sending him onto his back. He was winded, coughing and struggling for air.

"Donatello! You good over there?" Raph called out, delivering one final kick to the stomach of the man he was on. Donnie heard the skid of a shoe on the pavement behind him and didn't even have to look as he whirled around with a swing of his staff, hitting the man in the head with near-devastating force. It was a knockout blow—the guy dropped, and the fight was over as quickly as it had started.

Donnie looked around and collapsed his staff, "All good," he answered curtly.

All five of the men lay on the ground, a couple flat-out unconscious while the rest hissed and groaned in pain. While Donnie inspected the sacks strewn around, Raph chuffed and kicked the gun that had fallen away from the hand that was slowly reaching for it, looking down at the pathetic criminal as he instead stepped on his wrist. The burly man let out a whimper, like a baby, and Raph chuckled.

"Just money," Donnie announced. All of them heard the sirens of police cars approaching. "Let's get out of here, guys."

"Those morons weren't even a warm-up," Raph gloated, fist-bumping Mikey. Leo and Donnie were already scaling up to the roof. "Guess if I want to be bored outta my mind, I'll find these guys again."

"Oh, we'll find 'em again," Mikey added, pulling himself up onto the fire escape. He glanced back and saw the red and blue flashing lights starting to round the corner. "But, uh, not before the cops do."

The four made their way back up to the roof and left the area. They still had some time left on patrol, so for a minute, they lingered around, Raph keen to reignite their earlier conversation. Donnie already saw it coming and mentally prepared to answer all of the questions that were about to be thrown his way—which he was correct about, as Raph proceeded to open with, "So, what, you're keepin' secrets from us now? Anything else ya been doing behind all our backs?"

"Cut it, Raph," Leo said, stepping between him and Donnie, "you know that's not it. Don?"

"We're your pals, man, you should have told us," frowned Mikey.

"I just didn't want anyone to freak out," Donnie explained, "and I didn't know I was going to meet anyone I liked that much, I was only planning on playing the—"

Both Raph and Mikey asked in unison, "'Like'?"

He scrambled to fix his wording. He cursed his nervous chatter; he couldn't help himself, he was uncomfortable. Maybe even anxious, because he knew he was going to have to face reality and break it off with his new friend.

"No, not—not 'like'. Like, not like that. I mean in general, as a person," he stuttered, floundering with himself.

Mikey knew he was lying. He knew it well. Though gullible at times, when it came to the heart, Mikey truly was the most in-tune out of the four. As for the other two, he couldn't say as to whether they saw the lie here, because sometimes, Donnie stuttered just because he was excited or frazzled. Other times, it was definitely because he was lying. The entire time he felt a little bad for his brother. He imagined himself in his shoes and it made him sad, thinking about having to let go of a friend right after having them in his life.

Putting a hand on his shell, Mikey shook him a bit, "You like her, bro," he whispered.

Donnie lightly pushed him away. "She's a friend," he clarified, eyeing Mikey.

Raph was silent for a moment while he thought about everything. He wasn't mad about the fact that Donnie has found someone as much as he was that he never said anything, kept a secret from his brothers. The four of them had a rule that went without saying; they didn't keep secrets from one another. Not about anything major, at least—which this was. He didn't even contemplate on what he thought Donnie should do about it, just that he'd hidden something significant from all of them.

"Still doesn't change the fact that you didn't seem like you were plannin' on coming clean with any of us," Raph huffed. "Not if he didn't catch ya." He pointed at Leo.

Donnie suddenly felt his temper flare, and he bit back, "What about you, Raphael? You constantly hide your feelings! How is it not the same thing?"

"Except for his anger, he's pretty upfront about that," Mikey quickly added in before sinking away from the two. Leo sighed and flicked his head. Donnie was right. Raph was a hypocrite and they were getting nowhere.

"My feelings don't endanger people around me," growled Raph, stepping in toward Donnie. They met each other half-way as Donnie wasn't about to back down from his brother, who he was not scared of. "That is absolutely different from what you're doing!"

"Guys, we need to get going," Leo stated, seeing how the moon was far its descent. "Splinter's clear about when he wants us back."

"I'm finishing this right now," Donnie said, pulling out his phone. He opened up the messages and began typing.

Hey. Sorry for the sudden message and I apologise, but I can't do this anymore

He hadn't noticed yet, but the last text he'd received was only twenty minutes prior, right before they dipped from the crime scene they'd just handled. It read:

Damn, I hear all this racket outside my apartment and it's kind of making me nervous

Like guys yelling and stuff getting banged

Nvm someone called the cops, I guess it's good now

Everyone was gathered around Donnie watching the screen as he typed. Raph and Leo both caught that last message. He pressed send and it was only then he saw it, too, and everyone slowly looked at each other in recognition. Everyone was thinking the same thing.

"Awkward," Mikey drew out.

All were at a loss for words. When a new message pinged, they all shoved at each other to get a good look. Raph accidentally stepped on someone's foot. "Ouch! Give me some space, guys," Donnie snapped.

What?

What's wrong?

Donnie looked sadly at the screen. He started typing his response, something skin to "it's complicated" followed by an apology, but Mikey stopped him. "Dude, you can't tell her that, it's gonna hurt her feelings!" Mikey exclaimed, "this is totally unfair! To both of you."

"Look, I ain't tryna be petty, but last time I checked, the rest of us aren't allowed to have human friends," grumbled Raph.

A new message popped up and it read:

Well...I won't question your decision. Bye Bo, I guess

Sighing, Donnie turned off his phone and put it away. He turned to everyone. "Happy?"

"Of course not, bro," Mikey responded. He looked around, as if expecting agreement. There was none; Raph stood away and Leo was watching Donnie's face go from annoyed to dejected. "Guys?"

Leo patted Donnie on the shoulder. "You did the right thing," he said. Donnie didn't say anything. "Alright, let's get going."

Chapter 3, part 2

#tmnt #tmnt donnie #donatello #donatello x reader #tmnt fanfiction #fanfiction #romance #sfw fanfiction #leonardo #raphael #michaelangelo #tmnt leo #tmnt raph #tmnt mikey #tmnt x reader #teenage mutant ninja turtles

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ikykwklk · 3 years

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— numb | b.c.

A/N: Hi guys! This is my first ever written imagine, so please bear with me if I have any mistakes ㅠㅠ I was actually having constant fight with myself because of this, but I finally did post it! Hope you guys like this and tell me if you guys want me to write more because it would really help me ㅠㅠ

Genre: fluff, angst, cheater!bang chan, idol!bang chan, idol!reader

Dancing has always been your option to escape this cruel world that we live in.

You've always danced your heart out everytime you perform.

And it has always been there whenever you can't express your feelings to others.

"Okay! We're done now!" Your choreographer yelled right after your newest title track ended.

Your group dropped onto the floor right after you got the okay signal from him. Pants and gasps of your members were the only sound that surrounds the dance practice room.

"You did great y/n, I'm relieved that you're a fast learner" your choreographer said as he patted your shoulder, you shot him a tired smile then mumbled a "thank you", "You guys are good to go right after cleaning up the dance practice room, the room is needed for later" your members immediately took their bags and started cleaning the room.

"Hey y/n! Are you coming with us? We'll head to the dorm right after cleaning" one of your members said, Chaeryoung to be exact, as she picked up the pieces of the group's snacks earlier. "Nah, you guys get going, I still have rap lessons later", Chaeryoung nodded and went straight to the door with the other members following behind her.

"Take care y/n, we don't want our newest member to not feel well before our comeback, alright?" Your leader, Yeji said as she sling her bag on her shoulder and head towards the door. "Will do, Unnie, you guys take care too!" They waved for the last time before shutting the door behind you.

You still can't believe that you had been added as 6th member of ITZY right after you auditioned from a year ago. You've worked hard to become an idol and now you're here, you know that you needed to work harder than you did. That's why you wanted to left behind, because you wanted to improve more.

You move towards the speaker to play your title track from it's beginning and ran towards the mirror, posing your position and danced all your heart out.

When the music ended, the door suddenly slammed open leaving a squeak from your lips and watched the door with your brows meeting together.

"Oh, Hey y/n! Didn't know you'd still be here!" You smiled at the people as they start to come inside the room one by one, making the room filled with voices again.

"Hey Jisung Oppa, sorry, I totally forgot that you were using the room after us".

"It's fine! You can still continue practicing, we just came here to eat our dinner, our practice has been cancelled" Jeongin said as he skipped towards the sofa then dropped his bag.

"Is that why Chan Oppa is not with you?" You walked towards them, Minho nodded at you then started to ramble about how the oldest is not taking care of himself again.

Chan was your secret lover, he helped you ever since you moved to Seoul year ago. You both got close and even letting you hide in his studio whenever you don't feel like going back to your dorms. It was that time where you got insecure because of how people see you as a person who doesn't have any emotions.

You aren't actually the kind of person who hides their emotions in front of other people, instead you let out all of your emotions a lot that they often found you as a prey. But as you realized their intentions, you started to become numb, putting walls around you as you meet the old and new faces you've seen in your life.

Only Chan, his members, also known as Stray Kids and your own members, ITZY are the only people who have seen your crazy side, and with you debuting on ITZY, means that the public needs to see your crazy side too, and that what made you overthink about you being an idol.

Chan was the one who came into your mind, and when you told him your worries, he accidentally confessed to you while he comforted you which made you stop crying, he got worried and apologized over and over until he felt your lips against his.

And after that, you never doubted yourself again.

"Can you check on him, y/n? Tell him that the food's on it's way"

"Sure thing, be right back" you walk towards the door then went inside the floor's elevator to your boyfriend's studio.

The boys knew your relationship with their leader, and they're very happy to welcome you in their circle of friends. Since they now have known the oldest weakness, which is you, they don't mind abusing it knowing that it's also for their leader's health.

You and Chan knew that when you enter in a relationship as an idol, it would mean that you two need to be more careful since you haven't even debuted yet and dating one of the well known leader in 4th generation of kpop history. So it means, less time being and seeing each other, but whenever you got the chance to go and visit him in the studio, you would. Even if you need to sacrifice hours of your sleep to see him.

Because that's what made you both stronger and desired each other more.

Right?

As the elevator dinged, you step outside and walk towards the all known studio that your CEO gave your boyfriend to work on their music.

You opened the door knowing that he'll be wearing headphones, his back facing you with the sounds of keypads tapping filled the studio.

But instead you were welcomed with Chan's back facing you and a girl sitting on his lap, her moans and Chan's groans filled the studio along with their skin slapping.

The door you opened slammed on the wall, making your boyfriend and the girl stopped what they're doing, their closed eyes before are now wide open as they looked at you standing in the studio's door.

You ran outside the studio heading towards the elevator before your vision becomes blurry by the mixed emotions you're feeling at the moment. You hear Chan calling your name behind you but you have no plans on talking to him right now.

Good thing that a staff of the company stepped outside the elevator, you went inside and pushed the dance practice floor quickly. Chan chased after you but the elevator doors closed right in front of him.

As the door closed, you lean back against the elevator wall, stared at the door then tilted your head while looking at your blurred reflection in front of you.

You've been through this already, having your heart shattered by guys before Chan came into your life. He knew about those experiences you had which is why it is hard for you to pinpoint your emotions at him.

Are you mad at him because he knows you like the back of his hand?

Are you mad at him because of what you've seen in his studio?

Or are you mad at yourself because you trusted him with taking care of you heart?

You couldn't care less anymore now. He broke his promise that he will take care of you. It's not new to you anymore, but the pain that Chan had cause you to feel it again, and made your numb self worse than you are before.

So when the elevator dinged to know that you've arrived on the dance practice floor, you shook your head to clear your head with thoughts and went to the boys who are inside the room before.

As you opened the door, heads were turned and you immediately noticed that your members are with the boys. When Yeji saw you she ran towards you and gave you your in-ear monitors.

"Y/N! Manager oppa said that JYP needed to see your performance with us now since their practice are cancelled" Yeji pointed at the Stray Kids members who are sitting on the floor quietly eating their dinner.

"Y/n-ya, where's Chan hyung? Did you told him that the food's here?" Hyunjin asked you as Lia helped you with your in ear monitor and handing your mic.

Before you even got the chance to answer, the dance room's door opened again to reveal JYP, along with your choreographer and your boyfriend, who's head is hanging low while following the two older men inside the room.

Your members and Chan's stood up to greet the three as JYP told the Stray Kids to continue eating as your group start to prepare for your performance in front of him.

"I want to see the dance performance that you prepared, Y/n-ssi. Sorry for the sudden announcement of your evaluation, you needed to be verified that you're qualified to become the part of ITZY," JYP explained your situation while Ryujin went to the computer to prepare your music.

You saw Chan at the corner of your eye as you assured the CEO that it was okay and asked you about your performance in your lessons. You couldn't bring yourself to smile at the man who was talking to you, so you just nod and answered his questions before he asked you to move towards the mirror to look at your performance.

You walked towards in front of the mirror and looked at your friends who was cheering you silently, smiling at you as your eyes landed on Chan, which you shrugged and close your eyes to yourself focus on your performance.

This is what you've been waiting for, now those emotions that you can't express, you can finally show it to them. You should be nervous performing in front of the owner of the company, but you let your emotions take over you, letting everything go and make sure that Chan is listening.

Do you remember you remember (Said)

Remember what you said (Said)

You started talking to me

As if you would give anything to me

Don’t you remember you remember

Remember what you said (Said)

Then you changed

As if you took special pills

Cast blue, my blurred vision

Is this true? You won’t regret this?

My yesterday, my boo boo boo

Lonely life, I like it

I swallowed the water, I got cold

I want you to be ruined, I won’t hold you

You were my yesterday, my boo boo boo

Lonely life, good bye

You look at me with cold eyes

You see me and turn as if you didn’t know me

I just stand here vacantly

I see you who I didn’t know

I can’t help laughing

Now I don’t know you anymore

I’ll forget you woo woo woo

Go away, don’t even look back

I’ll erase you woo woo woo

Go away, don’t even look back

The mixed emotions that you've been bottling in from the events hours ago has suddenly came over to you. You suddenly felt like a new person, you feel like you were the only one watching yourself dance into the rhythm.

When the music stops, you hear applause from your right side, realizing that they've been watching all along. After you give your bow, JYP confirmed that you will be debuting as the 6th member of ITZY and will prepare immediate comeback for your group. You give your thank you's and bowed at your choreographer and the CEO, who is now exiting the room, leaving you with your members, Stray Kids and Chan.

Oh, right. Bang Chan was watching you.

You were pulled into a hug by your members, squealing and congratulating you for being able to debut and join alongside with them. Stray Kids joined in congratulating you for your hard work, but you weren't responding, you weren't happy, you finally became an idol, but why does it feel like nothing?

"Y/n, I'm so sorry please let me expla–"

You turn your back on him and went towards where your backpack is, you took off your in ear monitor and put it inside your bag before you sling it on your shoulder and looked at your friends.

"I'll be going now, enjoy your dinner", you said in a cold tone and walk towards the door.

"Y/n, please talk to me," Chan grabs your wrist tightly with his two hands, you heard his voice shaking, realizing his mistake.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Yes, there is! Please! Don't leave me, I won't do it again!" You heard Chan starting to cry, your wrist now wet because of his tears falling.

"I only asked you a promise Chan", you said, your back facing him.

"I know, and I am sorry, I wasn't thinking straight, I should've never done it." He pulled you into him, hugging you from behind.

"But please, don't leave me, I can't live without you" he continued as he put his head at the crook of your neck. You hold his arms to let yourself go from him and turn around to look at him.

His black curly locks that you used to play with are messy, his eyes and nose are red because of crying, cheeks that are stained of with his tears, shaking lips as he continue to cry in front of you. Chan wasn't looking at you, he was hanging his head low but enough for you to see his state.

You would've forgive him. But the image of him and the girl earlier keeps flashing back into your head, giving yourself more reason to shut yourself from everyone else.

Now you can't feel anything, you're just there standing in front of him; blank face, your eyes that always holds stars are now just brown orbs filled with darkness and your lips pressed on a line that used to smile back then.

"Then good luck finding a way to live then, Bang Chan Sunbaenim," you bowed and walked away from him.

#skz oneshot #bang chan #skz imagines #bangchan imagines #stray kids imagines #stray kids #stray kids scenarios

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ssamie · 3 years

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eleven. “get your girl!”

kozume kenma x fem dazai!reader

(bsd x hq)

tw: mentions of suicide

masterlist. suicide freak!

"was our sleepover fun, kenma-kun?" she chirped

"no. your place had suicidal traps and schemes littered all around" kenma sighed

she laughed at him as he continued to put on his shoes. kenma was forced to stay with her last night as per her request. and, of course, true to her word, they had loads of fun.

"it wasn't that bad" she pouted playfully

"there was a toaster in your bathtub, so i couldn't take a proper bath. and the only 'food' you have is a bottle of muriatic acid and candy" kenma deadpanned

"hey, i offered to feed you a full course meal!" she defended

"y-your body does not count!" kenma argued back. a faint pink hue was sploched on his cheeks as he refused to look at her.

"well whatever, let's go meet the others before we head out" she said. as the pair made their way to the agency's office, atsushi was already there along with kunikida. kenji was sleeping while ranpo was just munching on his snacks, like usual.

"good morning!" she chirped out in a la-di-da tone

"good morning, y/n-san" atsushi greeted back with a warm smile

"goomorwing" ranpo mumbled back, though it was muffled by the snacks in his mouth

"hehe, kunikida-kun~" she cooed out "were gonna head out now, kunikida-kun! we're borrowing your wallet for some pancakes on the way~"

kunikida clicked his tounge and stood up from his chair. he stomped over to her and snatched the wallet that somehow made its way into her hands. "no way in hell, you bandage-squandering-machine!" kunikida exclaimed

kenma simply stretched his arm out for her to fall onto as she dramatically screamed and stumbled back "agh!" she exclaimed as she recoiled into an unamused kenma's chest

"n-nice nickname there, kunikida-kun" she let out a strained laugh "that stung... just a little"

"tch, if you got so much time wandering around then you might as well write a report about your capture by the port mafia" kunikida said

she chuckled lowly and spun around, only to be found sporting a serious and aloof expression "atsushi-kun." she called out

"yes?" atsushi perked up, his dual-toned eyes sparkling with determination

"write the report for me." she commanded in a serious tone

"hah?" atsushi huffed out

"well then, kenma-kun and i will be going! bye-bye~" she cooed as she waved them goodbye. kenma waved at them as they stepped out of the agency's office.

"oi! you better be back here after school, brat!" kunikida shouted. though his words were faint since they were already running off.

"well then, ready for school kenma?" she cooed

"no, i just wanna relax" kenma grumbled

"wasn't last night enough relaxation, pudding?" she mused with a sly smirk

"no, it wasn't" kenma shuddered "i told you i wasn't down to have ˢᵉˣ and yet-"

"oh, look at that! isn't that chuuya~" she cut him off with a playful grin "it seems he's not alone, akutagawa-kun is looking real tall compared to him" she hummed

by now kenma was just confused, frustrated and lowkey scared. "literally what?" he muttered "akutagawa..?" kenma muttered. "wait- isn't that the port mafia guy in the news?!" he whisper shouted

"he's still coughing up his lung like its no one's business" she chuckled as she waved her hand around "that boy really needs to invest in an inhaler or something.. or maybe some water will do.." she muttered to herself

kenma chose to ignore her as he simply tugged her arm and ran away towards the station. they scurried away all while trying not to be seen by the two men. "are you crazy?! weren't those the guys that took you?" kenma whisper shouted

"i remember you mentioning an akutagawa last night" he sighed "and not to mention that chuuya guy was there too."

"they're harmless" she reassured with a smile

"they're in the port mafia." kenma deadpanned "actually, can we please discuss the fact that you're affiliated with the mafia-"

"no." she said with a smile

"anyways, we should go.. nekomata-san said something about cleaning out the gym lockers"

kenma gaped at her as she started walking further, leaving him behind. all while sporting that goofy grin, acting as if she didn't just come across two mafiosos.

"fine, whatever.."

"what happened to you yesterday , y/n-senpai?" lev asked with a small smile

"oh nothing, lev" she chuckled dismissively "i just had a psychic tell me that if i jumped into the river near the village, my death would be guaranteed." she hummed out with a nod “so i decided to try it out" she grinned

"woah!! so did it work?" lev asked back

"lev you fucking idiot" yaku sighed

kuroo watched them and laughed along, leaving lev to fend for himself as yaku kicked his back. kuroo nudged kenma with his elbow, smirking suggestively as he wiggles his brows

"what kuroo." kenma sighed "soo.. how'd it go with your lady? hm?" kuroo grinned teasingly

kenma flushed a bright pink and buried his face into the collars of his jacket, so only his eyes could be seen. "i-it was.. yeah-" he stammered

"oya oya~ what's this supposed to mean?" kuroo sneered

"it means kenma here is a real treat in be-" she was cut off as kenma slapped her with the mop "no!" kenma shrieked flusteredly "were going away now!" was the only thing he said before dragging the girl into the lockerooms

"WHAT THE HELLSNKAKAJA" the team laughed and hollered as kuroo burst out into his hyena cackle

"wow kenma! you could've killed me with that mop" she laughed "do it again!"

"KYANMA IS ALL GROWN UP NOW!" kuroo laugh-cried "KYANMAAA HOW COULD YOU?! I WAS GONNA MARRY Y/N-CHAANN" yamamoto cried out

"stop teasing him guys, he'll get mad" kai sweatdropped as he tried to ease the team down

"yeah...so how's it feel to be one-upped by your best friend, mr.chemistry nerd?" yaku sneered as he held in his laughs

kuroo immediately stopped laughing as he sent yaku an unamused glare "HAH?! SHUT UP YOU GENETIC ANOMALY!" kuroo yelled at him

completely ignoring their loud voices, kenma and y/n arrived in the lockeroom and proceeded with the cleaning "i can't believe that just happened" kenma shook his head disappointingly

she chuckled and patted his back as they started cleaning out the lockers. "aww, don't be so down kenma-kun" she cooed

"i'll help you clean the lockers if that makes you feel better" she said as she hugged him from behind

"stop hugging me" kenma hissed at her "and that doesn't make me feel better because it's your job in the first place"

"anyways, look at lev's locker!" she said with an innocent whistle as she opened the locker.

"oya oya" she mumbled "lev is truly adorable.. but kind of.. strange, per say"

"what is it?" kenma asked. she snickered and pulled out an ungodly amount of cat food packed in tupperwares.

"what the hell." kenma sweat dropped "does he eat that or something?" kenma muttered while scrunching up his face

"i'd hope not, but let's leave this here" she chuckled "any ways.. how about checking out my locker?" she suggested with a smile as she skipped over to the locker in the furthest row

"aren't you curious to see what's in my locker, kenma-kun?" she cooed tauntingly

kenma sighed but followed her anyways "sure. part of me is, part of me isn't" he said

"here we go.." she paused dramatically as she pulled on the handle "tada!" she exclaimed as she slammed it open, presenting him a noose tied to a piece of wood which was stuck at the top.

"what the hell?!" kenma shrieked

"its a y/n-style suicide corner locker!" she announced excitedly

"i thought so, but that's creepy!" kenma exclaimed "not even the lockers are suicide-free"

"why?" kenma grumbled

"well you see, it's actually very convenient" she said "tip it over once you're done, and it instantly turns into a coffin!" she giggled menicingly

kenma sighed as he eyed her locker and her awfully enthusiastic grin. "please don't try to sell it to me like some time-saving product" he said

she then huffed out a breath of air and slyly smirked as she pushed the locker close "geez, im getting bored.. aren't you, kenma?" she said with an exaggerated sigh

"you show off your locker and now you're content?!" kenma scoffed in disbelief

she grinned mischievously and skipped away "why don't we ditch this place and go have some ramen?" she proposed

"we just got here like two hours ago" kenma said "and im pretty sure nekomata-san won't let us go just like that"

"aw, cmon! come with me, kenma-kun~ i wanna eat with you~" she whined out

"fine, fine" kenma groaned "just cover for me if i end up getting scolded"

"of course!" she beamed at him. she then threw away the unused cleaning supplies, confidently striding out the door, leaving the locker room as dirty as it was before

"oya oya~ did you have fun in there?" kuroo asked teasingly

"yup!" she replied "in fact, we had so much fun that we decided to expand our dopamine-inducing activities all the way into the ramen shop downtown!"

the team sweat dropped as she started shamelessly marching off to the gym's exit, dragging along kenma, who now had his nose buried in his game

"wait, y/n-san" nekomata stopped her. she froze mid step and slowly turned back around, sending the coach a nervous smile "yes?" she asked

"before you go, we need to discuss a few things for future tournaments" nekomata said "were gonna need some new tactics, so maybe you can suggest something?" he said

"hmm, i'll do some research later on" she hummed out

"but we're gonna be playing against fukurodani and nohebi then right?" shibayama chimed in "oooh~ i've never heard of this 'nohebi' you speak of" she cooed out in amusement

"i would've guessed" kuroo said "daisho's face would be enough to kill you, it's crazy!" he chuckled

y/n's eyes glimmered as she shook kenma's shoulders excitedly "seriously?!"

"no, and that was supposed to be a bad thing" kuroo chuckled, a fond smile resting on his lips as he watched her deflate at his words

"oh, i've got it!" she piped up "i know what we should do!" she smirked up at the team, her eyes basically sparkling as she looked at them as if she held all the answers in the world.

"let's just give up and die" she exclaimed

nekoma looked at her with blank smiles, nodding along as her confident smile never leaves her lips "let's not do that" nekomata butted in "instead, we need to practice more"

"so kenma, y/n.. since you two are going out anyways, go ahead and buy the team some snacks when you return"

while nodding enthusiastically, she practically bolted out of the gym, dragging kenma along by his collar like a cat

"y/n, let go of me" kenma grumbled as he struggled to play his game

she simply ignored him and took one of his hands anyway. she intertwined their fingers while she swings their arms back and forth

"i lost" kenma sighed in defeat as he pocketed his phone he looked down at their hands and smiled, letting her swing their arms around like a child while she sings some strange 'suicide song'

"are you sure you're supposed to be wandering around after what happened to you?" kenma asked "i mean, i didn't believe you at first about the mafia thing, but obviously you weren't lying.."

she chuckled and shook her head "oh please" she sneered "what do you expect is gonna happen? you really think they'd approach me in broad daylight-"

she cut herself off as she saw chuuya and akutagawa walking towards their direction

"nevermind. they are indeed approaching me in broad daylight"

kenma didn't react much, but his hand squeezed hers tighter and he ducked his head down in a way of hiding himself. y/n glanced worriedly at him before meeting eyes with chuuya

"kenma, is running from mafiosos perhaps listed in your bucket list?" she asked playfully

"no.. why-"

"well then cross that shit off because we're gonna need to run"

"i wanna go back" kenma panted out "all this running isn't good for my teenager body" he whined

"we ran like three blocks, kenma" she laughed softly

"thats too much" he pouted

they finally arrived at their initial destination, the ramen shop which they planned to eat at. "im so tired" kenma muttered as he rested his head on the table. while, across from him, y/n was sat, playing with the ends of his faux blond hair while she waits for their food to arrive

"ma'am, sir, here's your food!" the waitress announced as she stands before them, holding a tray of two ramens

"thank you, belladonna~" y/n cooed at her, making the girl giggle

"damn. didn't know girls like her were your type" kenma commented as he loudly slurps at his noodles. he narrowed his eyes at her, grumbling to himself while y/n unbotherdly eats her food

"well, i like all women kenma-kun" she said "but she, especially, looked like someone to agree on a double suicide"

"what about men." he asked

"it depends" she shrugged "for example, you would probably never say yes to a double suicide proposal.."

"but i bear with it because you're cute <3"

"oh okay."

a wave of comfortable silence washed over them as they continued eating, with y/n blurting out jokes here and then

"kenma-kun.." she suddenly piped up, her tone was guarded, almost as if she was on edge "yes..?" kenma answered back hesitantly

"it seems there's something inevitable in my agenda" she sighed

"huh? what is it?" kenma asked worriedly

she then stood up and smiled sheepishly at him "i gotta go to the bathroom!" she exclaimed. kenma deadpanned, though he sighed in relief as he watched her make her way to the comfort room

just as he was about to pull out his phone, somebody had cleared their throat. well, it was more like coughing for half a minute straight, but let's not get into that.

"so it's you." akutagawa muttered in a low tone

"um.. can i help you.." kenma muttered back nervously

he gulped as he fiddled with his twitching hands. it was no mistaking that the man dressed in all black was akutagawa himself. he's made quite a name for himself after appearing in quite a few news articles and headlines.

"i don't get what y/n-san sees in you" akutagawa scoffed

kenma furrowed his brows but didn't say anything back. his glare alone was enough to leave him shaking in displeasure and anxiety. kenma could feel akutagawa's hatred, anger, and jealousy practically eating at him.

"tch. first that wretched tiger, and now you. as far as my respect goes for her, this is just sad." akutagawa said with a scowl "her standards in subordinates and companions have gone down the drain." akutagawa sighed

kenma took in a breath of air and opened his mouth to speak. "um.. are you-"

"dont speak to me, you pest" akutagawa snarled at him "your existence is not only a disgrace to society, but your presence around me is displeasing and disgusts me to the core."

kenma didn't speak after that. why would he? this actual criminal just called him a pest and a disgrace, after all.

in all honesty, all kenma could think about was:

'what is with that vocabulary?'

"oh my, couldn't you tell this was the ladies bathroom?" she chuckled as she made eye contact with chuuya through the mirror "or were you too short to see the sign?" she teased

chuuya scoffed and locked the bathroom doors, making sure no one was inside and that no one could enter.

"what do you want, chuuya?" she asked, her bubbly smile dropping as she leaned back against the sink

"isn't it obvious?" chuuya replied

"no not really" she shrugged, laughing under her breath as she eyes him suggestively "is it because you wanna make out? go for a quickie? or-"

"SHUT UP! as if i'd wanna do that with you!" chuuya yelled at her

"oh please, you act as if i'd want to as well" she scoffed "the only thing i actually like about you is maybe your taste in shoes" she hummed

chuuya blinked dumbfoundedly at her words, as he looked down to inspect his shoes. "you think?" he muttered quietly

"just kidding, ofcourse" she sneered

"you-!" chuuya yelled in aggravation as he went in to kick her head, but sadly missed as she ducked down

"give it up" she sighed "just tell me what you want and let's leave each other be" she said

chuuya clicked his tongue and pulled out a back envelope sealed with wax. "boss wants to give you this." he said, handing her the envelope "said something about claiming back your place as executive"

she smiled in amusement as she inspected the paper. "is that so.." she trailed off. she turned around to turn the tap on, letting the water run as she placed the envelope under it, letting it soak and slowly break away.

"well, tell mori-san that i appreciate the welcoming invitation, but i'd have to say no" she said

chuuya's eye twitched at her answer, feeling himself feel dissatisfied and angered. "tch, what the hell, asshole?" chuuya exclaimed as he grabbed her by the collar of her nekoma uniform

"oya? is something wrong, chuuya?" she asked calmly

"why won't you come back?! you're gonna waste your damn life rotting away in that agency!" he exclaimed with gritted teeth "you'll have everything back in the mafia! why won't you come back!"

"we can be partners again!"

she didn't answer, but simply stood still, letting him crumple her shirt in his balled fists as he let out ragged breaths. the sound of the still running water filled the air.

"chuuya.."

she sighed and pried his hands off of her, turning around to turn off the faucet before facing him once again. "i joined the agency in accordance to a dear friend's advice." she said "i was told i'd find a my reason to keep living, and more so the path to clear my mind of evil and good."

"being with you again would most definitely be wonderful"

chuuya looked up at her, his throat drying up as he watched her take off a small golden star pin from her school tie. he didn't stop her as she started placing it on his coat. nor did he stop her when she placed a small kiss on the back of his hand.

"but maybe in another life, we could be partners once more" she chuckled

"that pin suits you" she said "it matches with your hair. keep it on, alright?"

it was all she said before walking off, opening the door and closing it behind her, leaving him alone with the faint sounds of dripping water. chuuya looked in the mirror, fiddling with the pin with his hands.

"tch. another life, my ass" he scowled, wiping off the tears that brimmed his eyes

"why the hell do i have to wait that long?"

as she stepped out of the comfort room, she walked back to the table she and kenma were sitting at, only to find him literally itching to run off. as kenma made eye contact with her, he immediately grabbed her arm and pulled her out the door

"woah woah! calm your horses, pudding" she chuckled "what's wrong?"

"what's wrong is the fact that akutagawa came up to me and literally started degrading and insulting me???" he exclaimed

"what?" she asked with furrowed brows

"he was badmouthing me with really deep words and insults! like, i didn't even know what some of the words meant.." kenma grumbled "im so glad he left after like five minutes"

"also, what took you so long?" kenma asked her "i got caught up in a conversation with an old friend, that's all" she answered nonchalantly

"right.." kenma nodded, though he wasn't convinced. he took notice of her crinkled shirt and collar, as well as the lone pin that she always wears, which was now missing.

"y/n? can we just go back please?" kenma pleaded

"of course, kenma" she said with a smile "im sorry you had to deal with akutagawa-kun"

"its fine.. i just wanna go back" he said in a dismissive tone

the walk back to nekoma was quiet. they had stopped by a nearby gas station for some snacks to give to the boys, but other than that, no one really talked.

"im gonna ask kuroo something" kenma said before he walked off

she simply nodded with a raised brow as she watched the pudding head march up to his best friend

"y/n-senpai!" inouka called for her. shaking her head, she disregarded kenma and rushed over to the first years.

"kuroo, i need advice." kenma blurted out "oya oya? what kind of advice?" kuroo asked back

"the y/n kind" kenma groaned

"we went out to eat but at some point she went to the bathroom.." kenma started

"i asked her why she took so long, and she told me she talked to a friend. but im pretty sure it's that chuuya person"

kuroo crossed his arms as he looked at his friend questioningly "what makes you say that?" he asked

"we ran into him for a quick moment, then i saw the guy with him at the ramen shop" kenma answered vaguely

"well.. i dunno much about what happened but.." kuroo trailed off "i think theres really only one thing you could do" the bedhead captain said

"and that is?"

"confess your feelings, duh!" kuroo whisper shouted

"i-i don't have feelings for her!" kenma whisper shouted back

"you did not just say that, oh my fucking god" kuroo groaned out in aggravation "you're literally asking me for love advice because you got jealous over an old acquaintance of hers" kuroo deadpanned

"i never said i was jealous.." kenma muttered sheepishly "you don't need to say it, i could already tell" kuroo laughed at him "but seriously, kenma.." kuroo mused, a huge grin creeping up onto his lips as he slapped his hand on kenma's back

"go get your girl!"

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