Tumgik
#its bc something else is the focus. and shes not just using it as a pretty backdrop or whatever
spacedlexi · 1 year
Text
i may still be recovering from the psychic damage done to me by my high school art teacher but at least it taught me early that art teachers dont always know wtf theyre talking about
27 notes · View notes
minglana · 1 month
Text
so crazy seeing my cousins post aesthetic pics of my village street. maam thats a rundown house with the roof caved in next to the ugliest house in the village
#and the street pavement is green bc no one cleans it so its full of like algae or whatever the fuck#bc of the winter humidity (and fog). like thats ugly as hell😭#thr comparison between my cousins and i is crazy in regards to how we approach the village#all my other cousins post or have posted aesthetic pics of random streets or like. roads#bc i think to them its just another village. like yeah their grandma/grandpa is from there#but i think that just spending the holidays here (instead of like. staying 3+ months in the summer and normal weekends)#has made them treat the village as just another place. idk what even im trying to say but#it just feels kinda disgenuine when they aesthetize (?) the village like that#like for example my friend who has LIVED in the village her entire life doesnt post stuff like that#she posts stuff from her house or something. but not of like random streets yknow. and if she posts something from the street#its bc something else is the focus. and shes not just using it as a pretty backdrop or whatever#ok that last tag is what i was trying to get at i just didnt know how to word it#and yeah i think the more time youve lived or spent in the village the less you make it into a pretty backdrop#ive even seen my (other) cousins mom do this. and yeah shes older but also the house they have is just a vacation house#in comparison to for example my family. where our house has always been lived in (so far) so i think it just felt...#(it=going to the village) less like a 'getaway' and more as just like. changing living locations for x time yknow#idk idk. maybe its just my weird perception of my village and the weird attatchment i have to it#but yeah#z xarre
5 notes · View notes
sugaroto · 1 year
Text
I did it :D
I changed seats
During the 1st hour I was sjnzjdjsjd-ing again and couldn't focus and the 2nd hour the teacher was late and so I said fuck it, grabbed my bag and sat on the back
My deskmate was a lil confused and I didn't have time to explain to her why I left, sorry🥲 but I seriously cannot sit in there, especially since I sat on the back yesterday (some people were missing so it didn't seem weird that I moved) but like, in the back I could breathe, in the front it's very crowded
Also I don't think my deskmate minds at all cause the guy who sits on the front moved back with her a few times and they were playing hangman so🤷‍♀️she's doing fine
And only one teacher comment on it :)
-What are you doing in the back? Will you be sitting in there from now on?
-I focus better on the back
-you noticed a difference?
-yeah, I'd rather sit here
At first she thought I couldn't see, which is weird cause I'm wearing glasses, and the problem is that I actually can see better on the front but I focus better on the back, but we don't write that much cause most of the time the teachers are just talking (history doesn't need the board, ancient greek and Latin use it like once a month, so my problem is seeing in math, but I can see so far)
And like a friend noticed I was on the back during the last hour and she was like "Sugar what are you doing in the back?" All sad and she said it was sad or something cause I was so far away and sitting alone and my friend who was sitting in front of me (and knew how much I wanted to change seats) was like "no she likes it better here" and I was like yeah I get stressed on the front and can't focus and some girl was like really?
Yes really, I'm finally breathing again 🥲💘
Now the only teacher who didn't saw I moved was the history teacher and when I moved yesterday she gasped so I'm worried she'll say something
Also, there are two boys in my class who were originally on the back but now both sit on the front and one was kinda forced cause he's sleeping on the back so the history teacher made him move and I think the only reason the Latin teacher didn't continue the subject is bc she understands I'm not trying to sleep on the back bc I'm actually giving Panhellenic exams unlike the guy
And bc the teachers had made both boys move I thought they wouldn't agree with me sitting back but it's fine :)
The math teacher probably doesn't care cause she knows none of us actually cares about math, and also I participate to her class so🤷‍♀️ and the ancient greek teacher was also my teacher last year and I was sitting on the back and I don't think he gives a shit about where someone is sitting cause he knows how to do his job
3 teachers let me be 1 to go
#like... teachers dont really understand it#but ive neen sitting on the back for like at least 6 years (probably more honestly)#and even though there were times in which i wasnt paying attention#when i need to pay attention i do so#in the back i feel like i have more control#i cann see everyone and who raises their hand so if the teacher asks something i can see that other people are participating and decide to#join them#in the front i cant see so when the teacher is picking a student to say the answer idk if its because they raised their hand or bc she just#chose them and if shes choosing at random i don't need to raise my hand and if no-one else is participating i don't consider myself smart#enough to say the answer#also i feel people behind me and that whatever movement i do annoys them even though i know thats not the case i just cant#i focus too much on the people behind me existing that i cant focus on the class#but in the back i can just exist :D in peace and actually pay attention and sometimes i may sketch not like draw something just random#lines or some shit. its kinda calming but if i do it in the front they'll think im not paying attention#which is not true cause even at home i have a paper next to me when i study just to draw lines#most of this might not even make sense but :) it makes sense to me :D#this was long... but ... im also using this blog as a diary and its on my bio so anyone who follows me knew what they were signing up for#:D#sugarenia talks#should i make a diary tag?#sugarenia diary#lol#sugarenia thoughts#sugarenia school stuff#sugarenia teachers#sugarenia has friends#sugaroto
2 notes · View notes
opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
Text
...
#ay ay ay. my head feels like its stuffed completely full of cotton. bulging at the seems#its just that wrung out ive been crying too much feel. i just had to do a bunch of application stuff yesterday night#and there were way too many tears so i work up out of focus with salt in my eyelashes. so i wasnt that productive despite the fact i really#need to b rn. and i met with my boss for our weekly meeting and its just so many things i have to do#like theres this procedure for some new equipment we have and im testing it out but like she wants to see it in action and im like treading#close to dangerously unstable so the chances i burst into tears in public is quite high which is why i hide in my apartment and only go to#the lab when no ones there. but no im prob gonna have to go in Thursday and have to go drive like and hr away next week so we can hopefully#have all the equipment we need for another project thats gonna kill me. plus we got contacted by a group we were gonna work with last year#who wanna work with us again. which is objectively good like itll look real good on a cv to b involved and like even non science ppl would#prob find it cool. but i csnt feel any of that bc i dont kno how im gonna be able to go back and forth contacting the other lab group i#have to work with in order to do everything. which its like itll b fine#ive done it before. 2 of the 3 things i have done before so itll be fine. it just doesn't feel like it#it feels like im dissolving into pieces and everythings spinning too fast. theres a film between myself and everything else so i cant touch#anything and it cant touch me.#and its weird bc i know that burning myself out is what got me here but i still cant detatch myself from the soul crushing guilt of not#making every second productive. its disorienting bc my brain will b like: u should just stay here over break and get stuff done#and like no. thats objectively the worst thing i could possibly do. i just feel like a wet glob of paper towels. ive already committed#myself to only 13 days being gone. only have to trudge through like 21 days 1st. how? no idea#like im sure itll b fine but somethings gotta give before my brain implodes beyond repair. if were not there already#ay everytime my boss says something nice abt me to someone it just feels like a knife in the gut. like shes not lying but i just feel like#ive fallen so far that shes talking abt a past verson of me and it makes me sad. like idk how obvious it is but im sure i have terrible#vibes irl lol like the sort of pained twisted up little smiles u make when u dont wanna lie but u dont wanna b honest ay#itll b fine. i can feel the floorboards giving way so somethings close to giving just have to see where and in what form the metaphor#actulizes. hopefully it does so quickly bc im bored and tired of living like this. and i dont really wanna go home and explode into tears#like a child and have my parents deal with me. which they would bc theyre great. i just dont wanna worry them sigh...#unrelated#i should sleep bc i gotta get up and burn my brain out being a scribe tomorrow morning. at least i get to hang out with someone cool
5 notes · View notes
Text
okay so turns out saryn churns out focus even if you're not playing her well
good to know
focus go brr >:)
1 note · View note
etherealkissed88 · 5 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
“ive been persisting for a year and my 3d still hasnt conformed!” 𓆩✧𓆪
stop TRYING to get shit in the 3d! trying will not get you anywhere but experiencing more trying! remember the 3d reflects self! if you are assuming/being the one who is trying and waiting for shit to conform then what do u expect? more of that will reflect…
𓆩★𓆪 if you have been “persisting for a year,” i can assure you two things:
thing 1: you were persisting in what you dont want/fears/doubts & identifying w them
thing 2: you were not being the version of you who already has it / you were not being in the state of the wish fulfilled
thing 1: persisting in what you dont want/fears/doubts: you can have all the doubts you want, but when you identify w them / persist in them, then you flop. when u assume/do techniques, you are choosing to identify as another version of you. key word = identify ->
if i identify as the version of me who is living my dream life, does it make sense to look at a doubt and identify w it? or assume the doubt has bad meaning? no. it makes sense that i move on from it bc i already identified as the one who has it. the doubt is just there, neutral.
continuing to identify w the version of you who has it regardless of the 3d
= persisting
= applying the law
persisting = continuing to hold an idea or identity as true even when you manifest it, you will still be persisting in it because you will continue to hold it as fact. you are always persisting in something.
𓆩★𓆪 “how to not identify w a doubt?”
1) move on from it. focus on something else. ur only job is to assume it in the 4d only. if you feel lack, dont panic, feel the doubt & when ur ready, change self/states theres no need to push urself into anxiety. ur desire isnt going anywhere. relax.
2) identify as the one who has it. when u truly identify as the one who has it, any doubt would seem worthless.
𓆩★𓆪 “how to identify w it?”
assume that is ur identity already in imagination. its a simple decision. techniques are there to help to so use them to satisfy yourself in imagination, not to see 3d change. i say this because you need to get out of this 3d trap ->
3d trap = you assume you have something & feel good and then when you look at the 3d, you let that make you feel like shit
solution: know the 3d is always neutral and only you add meaning to it + know the 3d literally reflects imagination + focus on satisfying ur inner self only
sweet gentle reminder: STOP TRYING AND START BEING! YOU DUMBASS CUNT
thing 2: not being the version of you who already has it / not being in the state of the wish fulfilled. state of wish fulfilled = you know you have it already (in imagination); nothing in the 3d can change that
there are infinite versions of you (rich you, broke you, sexy you, business woman you, 100k followers you, annoying you). your job (or should i call it privilege) is to choose one version of you and identify with it in imagination and boom its done.
1. choose the version of you that you want to be
2. identify w it in imagination (via techniques to satisfy your inner self)
3. know its a fact because you just experienced it in the real reality (imagination aka inner self)
4. know any fake illusions of reality (3d) are neutral
𓆩★𓆪 in summary, if you are aware of it not reflecting after persisting for 100 years, you are saying that your senses & 3d mean more than inner self (even tho the 3d is a reflection of inner self). stop forgetting that it is all neutral. it is all inner self reflecting! CHANGE SELF!
𓆩★𓆪 the 3d is a form of inner self so it makes common sense to go to the source and change self (imagination). idc about how long youve been persisting bc if you were rly doing ur job and assuming it in imagination, you would know you are god who has whatever she claims in an instant.
from my sexy twitter thread (click da rainy cloud): 🌨️
kisses, jani 𓆩★𓆪
2K notes · View notes
seattlesellie · 5 months
Note
Reader getting a little embarrassed bc Ellie's strap won't fit?
Sorry of that's too much
perfect fit. ♡
screaming crying losing my mind. what a perf excuse to use “ill make it fit”
Tumblr media Tumblr media
She’d be on top of you, forehead lightly pressed onto yours. You feel her pouty, somewhat chapped lips ghosting over your own, then lightly and delicately pecking the corner of your mouth. It’s one of your favorite types of kisses, makes you melt into the mattress, heavenly sigh, tremble within her touch. The warmth of her breath caresses your skin, a gentle zephyr of intimacy, of being so close. She looks at you so fucking intently, concentrated, fixated, scarred brows knit together and god, you love that little serious line that forms in between them.
The best way to describe her gaze, the most accurate one, would be to say that she looks at you as if she’s studying, genuinely attempting to take in every little gasp that you let out, eager to decipher every subtle nuance of your existencet, every single blink of your eyelids.
Ellie lowers her hand down from your cheek to the base of her strap on, caressing it upon your soaking, gushing slit. When you moan as a result of its bulbous tip hitting the hood of your clit, then your clit itself, Ellie smirks like an asshole. "I can just keep going like that if you want me to”, she whispers, meaning she knows she could make your pussy cum from just rubbing her cock all over its folds. You shake your head no, because as much as you know that it’s true, you yearn for her inside of you, for that intimacy of getting fucked deep with something she treats as if was her own. Ellie chuckles. “What do you want then, babe?” she coos lowly, continuously hitting that sweet spot above your clit that makes you whine, and her grunt.
You attempt to grab the back of her neck and bring her closer to you, to push her in somehow, but you’re too overwhelmed by everything, your hand ends up falling on the mattress and landing with a small thud. You whine, “Ellie…”, she smirks, moistening her bottom lip and slightly pushing the tip in, so it hangs juuuust a tiny bit away from being inside of your hole. “Inside?” she murmurs, never failing to add that teasing “yeah?” of a raspy coo.
You eagerly nod, she loves it when you do that — so fucking pliant, she stops you mid nod for a kiss that leaves the two of you breathless, tongues dancing a nasty, wet, sinful rhythm within the realm of your hot mouth. She leaves your lips with a loud smack. Your lips are swollen, a pout that kills, how could she ever concentrate on something else in her life?
She’d be absolutely lying if she said she didn’t have daydreams (and nightdreams) of your tight cunt stretched out by her cock, of seeing that pretty clit poking and peaking from the top of your pussy, of watching and taking in the sight of the stretch, the way it’ll slide up and down so easily because of how wet you get.
Unfortunately, Ellie did not take the tightness of yourself in consideration. She picked and packed a nine incher, deep blue and veiny, a bold choice, a goddamn cocky one.
You grab her sleek bicep and dent her skin with your nails, she hisses. You’re actually soaking, a pretty clear pool of heavenly nectar formed on the bedsheet, inside the seam of your ass. Your tiny whimpers are shaky and breathy and ever so desperate, egging Ellie on. “please…” you beg even under no command to do so. “Want it that bad?” teases Ellie, but with how desperate she has become, it sounds more like a plea, begging to please tell her how bad.
“need it inside, ellie, n-need you inside”
"Mhm", she hums softly, eyelids descending languidly, surrendering to the ecstasy of hearing your voice. “M’gonna fuck you” — god, you love it when she tells it like it is.
Pampering your cheeks with desperate, wet little kisses like raindrops, she pushes the tip in further, but… it won’t go inside. It’s blocked, your narrow hole begins to burn, redden, eyesight going out of focus, everything fading into a hazy abstraction. “Babe, it won’t…” she murmurs and attempts to fuck herself inside again. “Fuck, t'wont go in”
Your heart quickens its rhythm, a pulsating drumbeat beneath your chest, as you instinctively shut your eyes and, with a mix of embarrassment and restraint, gently bite down on your lip. You spread your thighs even further, attempting to somehow give her more space for movement, she pushes in again, you wince. “Owh, Ellie… owh”
You don't quite know if you're more embarrassed, or more pissed off. Your hole pulsates and yearns for a taste of her dick, but it hurts, and this feeling bubbles up inside your chest — This actual fear of disappointment, of not being good enough like her previous partners, of being or feeling too fragile, too inexperienced. You can't help but scan your eyes over her face, looking for a sign that will tell you that you're right, that you have disappointed her or worse, but before you manage to find it —
“Ffffuuuhck” she exasperates breathily. She strokes your cheeks with her thumb, a worried expression on her face. Her eyes dart over your form, muscles of her jaw tightly clenched. "Don't wanna hurt you", She murmurs and her voice is so sweet, "Can jus' use my fingers, yeah?"
“No, please" you sob, "I’m— fuck, i’m too tight!” your voice is a whine, an actual tear leaking from the corner of your eye, chin wobbling. Ellie’s so fucking torn because poor you, and she knows it hurts — she doesn’t want to hurt you, ever — but hearing those words fall from your lips… it’s hard not to buck her hips inwards and make you take it, miss “too tight”
“This is so… m'sorry” you actually sob, sniffling and avoiding her loving gaze, and maybe if you’d look — instead of letting your embarrassment wash over you and be a murky presence in your mind, your tears might have faltered. “S’not gonna fit”, your chest heaves. Ellie wipes a tear away — from your cheek, from the corners of your eyes, she considers comforting you, telling you to never apologize for anything, ever again, but she's sensible and rational and knows what do to next, to actually stop your tears from falling.
“babe?”, she huskily murmurs. You hum back, holding onto another choked sob.
“I’ll make it fit”
“Know I will”
2K notes · View notes
Text
Third Place Poll
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Propaganda...
Colonel Brandon (1995):
Alan Rickman has the sexiest voice. Just listen to him reading poetry to Marianne at the end to witness how hot he is.
Alan Rickman simply embodies the truth of Col. Brandon in a way that no one else every could. It's the perfect merging of actor and role. He brings the perfect combination of honor, decency, sensitivity and passion. He is the ultimate mensch.
youtube
Tumblr media
Brandon propaganda in which even the film's director agrees that Brandon is sexy.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
youtube
youtube
More Brandon propaganda! This photo could only be published in black and white because it would have been too powerful in color (the original color version is currently being used to provide electricity for a medium sized town in Devon. It's THAT powerful).
Tumblr media
The brim of the hat falling over his eye. The casual lean. The hunting rifle slung across his leg. The puppy bestie. The fact you know he could row that boat while you watch and wish you were the boat.
youtube
Tumblr media
From Emma Thompson's diaries which she kept while they were shooting Sense & Sensibility. Emma Thompson said vote Colonel Brandon.
youtube
The man has just heard her sing for a minute and he’s positively awestruck!
also adding his adorable adorable smile just bc i can.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Mr Knightley (2009):
Johnny Lee Miller as Knightley is JUST SO. I mean the way he says "if I loved you less I might be able to talk about it more" IS JUUUST. The dance scene. The tentative shy smiles. The fact you can see in his eyes the entire time " I am completely in love with this woman. She'll never love me back BUT I DO NOT CARE I'LL LOVE HER FROM A DISTANCE ANYWAY" IS JUUUUUUST
We need to appreciate Mr Knightley more for both his snark and for those soft eyes just so full of love for Emma
Tumblr media Tumblr media
GIF by dearemma
I was just going to send in the actual dance but the little panic he has when Emma says she knows his secret is just soo charming. There was some thread on twitter a few years ago about how a romcom man's most important quality is knowing how to look at a woman and JLM is just the master of it in this Emma
youtube
I really feel like the pictures say it all. He stands there, head tilted to one side. He is listening to you. His posture is relaxed. His gaze open, frank, candid. He's not trying at all. He just is.And that's why he is Knightley.
Tumblr media
GIF by night-unfurls-its-splendour
Some propaganda, not just for Jonny Lee Miller, but the general interpretation of 09 Knightley. I have some excerpts here from my review of the 09 adaptation:
What I really think is great about the 2009 interpretation of Mr. Knightley is what an easy and comforting presence he is, without being apologetic when he scolds Emma. I think this is communicated especially well by how often we are actually shown Mr. Knightley taking his almost-daily walks to Hartfield, how smoothly he comes and goes, and how happy Emma is every time she sees him coming up the path (usually, just at the perfect moment when she needs something to put her back to rights.)
Tumblr media
64.media.tumblr.com
Here is Emma, feeling lonely after Miss Taylor's wedding. And in the background, walking up to Hartfield--there's Knightley. He's always been there for her, and he always will be.
And also this Mr. Knightley is as understated as ever, but I wanna highlight this outfit and why I love it: This is Knightley’s first appearance in the series and it’s the perfect establishing shot that shows the viewer everything they need to know about Emma and Knightley’s relationship and how it has always been. He sort of materializes, out of focus in the background, but Emma immediately knows he’s there. And to accentuate how much Knightley is part of her home and scenery, his clothes (similar shades of pale tan, white and minty green to the wall behind him) almost camouflage him and make him seem at one with the moulding of her home.
Tumblr media
Additionally, Jonny Lee Miller captures Knightley’s playful qualities, and his exasperation is so endearing
Tumblr media
GIF by christophernolan
Tumblr media
GIF by sashajames
Tumblr media
GIF by christophernolan
I can’t be the only one tickled by this Knightley’s frustration with Emma! JLM FTW!
Jonny Lee Miller is mesmerizing in any role he inhabits. It’s 2009 Knightly all the way.
no but can you actually go vote for mr knightley he was FOUNDATIONAL for 16 year old me my favourite portrayal of my favourite austen man cannot fall at this hurdle!!!
He is my ultimate Austen Dream Man, I'm with him until the end. Honestly this adaptation is my very favorite of them all (P&P 1995 is a VERY close second) because it made me fall in love with Emma as a story? Honestly no other adaptation or indeed even my reading of the book made me love it quite as much. My crush on JLM goes back to 1995 and I do think he is one of the better actors of his generation - his range alone is just impeccable. The fact that he can go from Sick Boy to Mr. Knightley to Sherlock to Jordan Chase is really something. Of all the actors I know, his range is the most impressive. But i love how bright and sunny this adaptation is. The colors, it is as vibrant as Emma should be! The Kate Beckinsale Emma is dark and terrifying to me, not at all suitable an adaptation. I like the Paltrow Emma a lot, but it's got the same issue the 2005 P&P has for me -- it's just too short. This is tonally just right, and the casting is lovely, and JLM is just at his dashing best. His face is so expressive, he is so capable of communicating so much without saying a word. His open jealousy of Frank Churchill is delightful to watch. His face when Emma tells him his secret is out at the ball! JLM is maybe the most underrated actor of his generation and I LOVE that he has been multiple Austen heroes. I maintain that in a future adaptation of Pride & Prejudice, an older JLM would make an EXCELLENT Mr. Bennet. He would convey the right amount of grumpy but fond beautifully.
Look. Do people realize JLM hates wearing period clothing AND hates dancing? And yet in Emma he's sashaying around in pink jackets looking amazing and is THAT convincing? That's called BRILLIANT ACTING!!
A tiny bit of Mr Knightley 2009 propaganda but I love that they put in that bit from the book where he looks like he's going to kiss Emma's hand when he's saying goodbye but then he hesitates and doesn't and I just...it's such a tiny detail but conveys so much!
Tumblr media
GIF by myforeverworldofmovie
It’s the only Emma adaptation that really hits the romance notes well. Knightley’s crowning moment of awesome really feels like it (when he rescues Harriet from humiliation) and his subsequent dancing with Emma does make you feel a shift in their relations. Love this adaptation. - This Knightley and Emma in particular are equals. They quarrel, not because he’s telling her off, but because they can have an argument because they know each other, trust each other and care about each others opinions, and there is never a sense of domination of one over the other. This adds so much fire to the romance, and it’s so unusual for a romance of that era (or even one written today!!). - Emma is rich, clever and beautiful and as powerful as a woman of her age and situation could be at the time and she married Knightley for no other reason but because he’s her best friend and his company for the rest of her life will enrich her. - He even leaves his house to move in with her!
Tumblr media
GIF by elinordash
387 notes · View notes
littlestpersimmon · 3 months
Text
Had this weird story idea about a big dragon with runes all over him, and he's like a paper accordion that could unwind for thousands of miles, and the only way you could defeat him was if you were able to read every single rune on the dragon's papery body, and discern the long riddle of the princess who turned her labyrinthine library into her living armor in the form of a colossal and endless dragon . So far every knight that tried to off the dragon with fire, rain, whatever, was met with *death by a thousand paper cuts*. But the dragon don't really kill them, bc dragon is actually squeamish Lol. But since the entire kingdom is enrobed by the pages of a large dragon, there are entire university branches dedicated to discerning the riddle of the princess, why, why did she turn into a dragon, why is this her curse. And their culture shifts around literature, books and academia being treated as the holiest, most venerable form of knowledge. But anyway a cringefail and autistic kitchen boy loves math. He had come from a long line of dedicated scholars of the book. Boring and trifling matters like arithmetic were considered ignoble when in comparison to the mystery of the paper dragon. And the boy disagreed, of course. He loved books and all but was easily frustrated by them, he cannot focus on it, he needs the abstract to become concrete in his mind, he is the kind of boy who looks at a bridge and marvels at the sheer architecture it took to build a bridge before he is astounded by the bas relief;
he loves the world as it is and wants to tease out the blueprints. Anyway, when he was a boy, his mama used to tell him the story of the paper dragon, with only the first two pages of the dragons body being successfully interpreted by scribes. It had been about a princess who loved looking towards the stars and recording the sun's positions through refracted telescopes. And how she had a library filled with endless knowledge.
And the boy read and read the two pages and was enchanted by the mystery of the princess' riddle. In his teenaged life the boy would see the dragon flying above him while he was climbing an almond tree, and he makes out one of the pages along its infinite body as having similar lyrics to the known pages.
And it bothers the boy, all day he'd think about it. And he thinks about the princess who locked herself in her tower, watching the sun through refracted telescopes, and made dedicated sketches and notes every day to discern where the sun had spots; and it sort of connects in his mind that those sunspot sketches helped form an image of the sun, in a way, so he does the same.
Every day he'd just watch the dragon, and waited for the repeating lyric, and noted it down, until he had a long and fucked up diorama of the dragon; It takes him 12 years to be able to reliably predict where on the dragon's body the lyric shows up again.
when folded a certain way, in accordance to where the lyric shows up, the dragon's papery accordion body, the dragon forms a star at its core.
written in a spiral, the story forms into an answer to the princess' riddle; "I want to be free, I want to be free, I want to be free, I want to be free,"
over and over and over. In all aspects the princess who was a prince all along had wanted to be free, and the only way he could think of escaping the confines of his life and the fear of misunderstanding, of everyone wanting to harm him or to treat him as unnuanced a person for wanting to be something else...... was to transform into a paper dragon, more unquestionable than a normal human boy who loved drawing pictures of the sun-
The boy who loved math looked at the folded piece of paper in his hands, now he held the answer to the riddle of the prince, and he'd look to the sky to see the dragon flying above him like an endless kite. And he'd smile up at the dragon, scrunching the paper star in his hands. And hed whisper, I love you, I know you. I see you .
And he could have sworn the dragon smiled back at him.
320 notes · View notes
kaisfruit · 5 months
Text
Motivation (Sportacus x GN!Reader)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
a/n; i'm just gonna drop this rn bc im taking a while on some of your guys' reqs! i promise im working on them, but i feel bad not posting much so...have this fic i wrote and finished a few days ago while i continue on writing other things <3 warnings; probably ooc stephanie and sportacus and i totally just made stuff up but like,,,otherwise no warnings! <3 word count; 7.8k
Tumblr media
Lazytown was exactly how the name described it; A lazy town. Though, with the arrival of Stephanie and then Sportacus the town had its days where it definitely picked up in activity. 
Unfortunately, it seemed as if you couldn’t get any of this energy that was being spread around.
You had attempted to perk up like so many others by starting with a simple job, but that didn’t do it. You still had the job of course since there’s not a lot of people in Lazytown who have the job as an ice cream vendor. Despite your efforts it seems as if these active attitudes have hit everyone but yourself. You really were trying! You tried to exit your house at least once a day (even on days when you didn’t have work!) That usually proved too much for you after about 5 minutes and you’d retreat back within the comfort your home provided. You had tried eating healthier, as you had seen Sportacus advise the kids, but it was semi-successful at best. Those things were just harder to make or find and you simply did not have the energy to deal with such a thing.
It was no surprise to you when Stephanie approached your ice cream stand with a frown on her face.
“Good afternoon, Stephanie.” You greeted, a customer service smile on your face. “What’s up?”
It took her a moment to process your question as she had gotten distracted by the mini-menu on the front of your cart. She had said she would get ice cream for the other kids so they could take a slight break from playing before getting back to it, but that didn’t mean she didn’t have an ulterior motive to offering to go.
“How are you doing?” She decided to ignore your friendly question with a question of her own.
“I’m good, thank you for asking.” Your brain seemed to work on autopilot here, the socially acceptable response tumbling from your lips. “How are you doing?”
Stephanie shook her head, “no. How are you really doing?”
“What do you mean?” You tilted your head in confusion at her, suddenly intrigued by what she was implying. 
Stephanie pursed her lips at you and it seems as if her focus had switched off the chilly treats completely. She wanted to speak to you. You mentally grimaced, this is why you usually stayed in your house most of the time.
“I think you should come and play with us!” Stephanie had a big grin on her face, leaning slightly forward as she looked up at you with big eyes.
“Oh…um,” you averted eye contact awkwardly, “I don’t really think I’d be that much fun…” You trailed off, feeling a bit bad. But it just felt…wrong. Your brain was screaming at you to just be active like everyone else and to spend time with the townsfolk. Yet your body had an argument of its own that your energy was too low and it would only drain you further.
“Sure you would!” Stephanie was adamant. “Everyone has more fun when they’re doing something!!” She had leaned more forward with the palms of her hands resting on the top of your ice cream cart. Her face filled with hope.
You shut her down.
“I’m sorry Stephanie, but I just don’t think I have it in me.” Your voice reeked of tiredness. “Do you want to buy ice cream? Or some popsicles?”
The girl seemed to deflate a bit, but begrudgingly paid for a few popsicles to take back to the others. A small treat was always welcomed by everybody. Well, everybody but…
Stephanie suddenly had a greater pep in her step than she had previously.
Meanwhile, you let out a huff of air as Stephanie began walking away. That was genuinely tough. You knew you had an issue, but you didn’t know it was bad enough to catch the attention of anyone in town. You didn’t even know if anyone in town noticed you outside of the ice cream stand! And that wasn’t in some “you’re so dark and mysterious and not like the other girls” way, but in a genuine way that you didn’t do anything too impeccable but you’re not completely forgettable either. When asked who lived in Lazytown, the citizens could pick you out just fine. Just when it came to such bright figures appearing in town, it didn’t seem like your problems were a big deal. There were bigger matters to be dealt with. You were just one person in an entire town, and it’s not like you were hurting anyone. You just had to convince yourself you’d get through this drag in your life eventually. It would happen one day. This endless slump that has existed your entire life, you had to believe it would go away one day. A day where you’d feel the energy to get up and maybe make a meal for yourself, or to go for a walk in the morning, or to even make your bed. Even if it hasn’t happened yet, it will happen. Maybe…
You leaned forwards against the ice cream stand and rested your elbows on the top to support your weight as you hung your head downwards. You sighed heavily as you closed your eyes. Just had to get through the rest of today then you could go home and feel the comfort of your bed. Just had to get through the rest of today. You’ve done it before, you can do it again. 
And you did just that. Since Stephanie had bought the treats in bulk, the day went on pretty smoothly. There were only a few other purchases here and there, but that was about it. Closing up shop made you let out a sigh of relief. You could finally let yourself recharge, even if it was just a little bit, but it was enough to get you through another day. 
As you walked to your house, you couldn’t help but think of your weird interaction with Stephanie earlier. She had been in town for quite some time now, so why was she suddenly taking an interest? Had she grown bored with everything else? That was unlikely. So unlikely that you questioned why you even thought about it in the first place. Had she seen everyone be active but you and wanted you to be included? But still, why did it take her so long to approach you? Nevermind. You shouldn’t think about it like that. Its not her job to make you feel included. But then…why?
You shuffled your shoes off at the door and closed it behind you, inhaling a deep breath as you finally got to experience home once again. If it were up to you, you’d just spend all of your time here and nowhere else. Technically, you could do that, but you really were trying to better yourself even if it felt useless. 
You mustered up just enough energy to switch into pajamas before falling asleep on your bed. The sheets warm and welcoming like an old friend who you hadn’t spoken to in years yet the bond still alive and going. You felt yourself smile lightly as you let sleep take you.
A sleepy groan escaped your lips as the sound of knocking on a door is what woke you up. Squinting blearily at your alarm clock you read a time that was far too early for your liking. You laid there sprawled out for a bit, hoping the visitor would just go away, but within a beat the knocking started up again. With a bit of mental preparation, you got yourself up and out of bed and slowly began shuffling towards the door.
Rubbing an eye with one hand, you opened the door expecting to see a neighbor wanting to speak to you about them not getting their mail or something of that sort, but you blinked rapidly at the true sight before you.
It was Sportacus. The town’s very own superhero!
Your tiredness seemed to melt away instantly and you stood up a bit straighter at the sight of him. He had never come to speak to you directly before, what was going on?
“What’s going on…?” You mumbled, voicing your exact question aloud. This earned you a slight chuckle from Sportacus.
“Why don’t you tell me?” He countered which instantly clued you in to one thing.
“I’m fine,” you smiled, “I don’t know what Stephanie said, but everything is well and okay.”
Sportacus frowned slightly, yet still wasn’t deterred in the slightest. “Well, you should go and get dressed!”
“What for?” You squinted at him confused, you had barely just woken up. “I don’t have work today.”
“All the more time for activities!” 
You grimaced at his answer. “What?”
“Come on, it’ll be fun!”
There was a pause in conversation. A silent battle happened between the two of you until you eventually sighed in defeat. You didn’t even have the energy to fight against it. You shut the door on him for a bit as you dragged your feet along the ground as you went about your house doing everything you needed to get ready for the day.
Finally, you made your way back to the front door and opened it to see Sportacus standing in your yard seeming to be admiring the grass and trees within the small area. It brought a small smile to your face as you shut your door behind you. The noise got the man’s attention and he flipped over to you, a spring in movement that never failed to surprise you whenever he did it.
“So, what activities are you having me do?” You asked, hoping to just get all of this over with as soon as possible. This would probably be a good first step for you, but you just didn’t feel the motivation. You felt no drive. 
Sportacus grinned as he rested his hands on his hips, “how do you feel about some breakfast?” The question caught you off-guard and you guessed it showed on your face as Sportacus laughed a bit. 
“Eating?” You voiced your confusion. “That doesn’t sound very…active.”
“That is where you are wrong.” Sportacus grinned, “just come with me.”
You followed behind Sportacus as you eventually left your house. Usually, that was your least favorite part of your day, but the hero had you too curious for you to even think about your house right now.
Very soon, it became very clear what he meant by eating being active.
He had insisted you two walk the longest route possible and this could quite possibly be considered the most walking you had ever done in your life. It was probably due to the incredibly fast-paced speed Sportacus had started you two out with. You were trying your best to keep up, but the distance began growing and growing until eventually Sportacus turned around and ran back to where you were.
“Don’t worry, it’s just a bit of warm-up!” He tried to reassure you, but your legs were too achy to really take it in. You thought you could do a bit of walking but maybe…
“Do you think we could walk a bit slower…?” You tried, not looking at him. He seemed to contemplate this before realization dawned on him.
“Yes, we should! That is a much better way to ease you into this.” Sportacus nodded as your head jolted up to look at him. “I’m sorry for not realizing my own speed.” He clapped you on the shoulder before gesturing for you to continue on with him. You felt awestruck, yet slowly took up a pace at his side.
“This is much better.” You smiled, a sigh of relief escaping your lips. “Thanks for listening.” 
“What kind of slightly above average hero would I be if I didn’t listen to those around me?” Sportacus proposed the rhetorical question. “I love it when you guys help me as much as I help you! That’s how growth happens.”
This sparked conversation between you two for the rest of the walk. Now that it was at a slower pace, it allowed for your guys’ words to flow freely between one another and it felt as if you were truly getting to know the hero. It was….fun! A feeling that felt completely new yet familiar in Sportacus’ company. 
“The perfect place for breakfast!” Sportacus announced abruptly, pausing in his steps which caught you a bit off guard. You look around the area with a slight frown on your face. It was a park. A park which you had never seen before (which wasn’t saying much.) There were trees scattered about and the grass was neatly trimmed. Sportacus seemed proud and took a seat beneath a tree, you stayed standing as you quirked an eyebrow at him. 
“This…isn’t a place to eat?” You asked as you still frowned. This got a good laugh out of Sportacus which only confused you more. You really were expecting a quaint café or a restaurant or even a food truck, but not an empty park. 
Sportacus just pulled out two granola bars and tossed one at you and, unsurprisingly, you didn’t catch it and it landed on the ground. You slowly bent over to pick it up and looked at the wrapper, trying to identify the contents. 
Timidly, you walked over to where Sportacus sat on the grass and decided to finally sit next to him as you made quick work of the wrapper. You tucked the plastic into a pocket, you may be lazy but hurting the environment was a no-no, and took a small nibble of the granola bar. 
“It isn’t the most healthy option,” Sportacus started once you had finally taken a bite, “but it isn’t junk food either. You will need something light for the start of the day! A bigger breakfast can come a bit later once your stomach has settled.” He shot you a reassuring smile as he said that. 
“Why do I need something light first?” You asked, wiping your hands on your pants to wipe off any leftover granola residue after you finished. “I thought a good breakfast is good for the brain?” You weren’t exactly sure about that, but you were pretty sure you had heard Sportacus say that before. 
“Right you are!” Sportacus agreed with a nod. “But I did say we were going to get active, yes?” You nodded slowly. “Well, that wouldn’t go over well if you had a full stomach. Getting sick would not be ideal.” Realization dawned on you as he said that. Sportacus was going to have you doing actual big time exercises? Right off the bat?! You don’t think you’ve ever taken the time to exercise in your life, which is probably why you felt so incredibly sluggish all the time, but still! That sounded horrible. You’d much rather just lay in your bed all day and maybe be on your phone when you’re not sleeping…Yeah, that sounds more your speed.
“Um…how active?” You asked as Sportacus reached his hands out towards you which you accepted as he pulled you up. 
“Nothing big! I promise you.” He grinned, slowly releasing his grip on you once you gained balance. Strangely, you missed the warmth his hands provided. “The hard stuff won’t come until later.” The look that came across your face must have been some sort of funny as it caused Sportacus to chuckle. 
“Come now, we’ll start light. Then we can get actual breakfast. How does that sound?” He spoke calmly, surely luring you into a false sense of security even though you knew Sportacus didn’t have an evil bone in his body. Your body slumped in defeat as you let out a sigh while nodding. The elf was absolutely beaming. “Great! Let’s get started!”
An hour later and you were drenched in sweat and could barely catch a breath. Meanwhile, Sportacus looked as if he had barely done anything. You were insanely embarrassed by this fact, but he was trying his best to help you feel normal.
“You’ve done great so far!” Sportacus praised, whipping out a water bottle which you gratefully took. Truth be told, he was right. You didn’t do much. Just a few cardio workouts and he allowed you to move at a comfortable pace. Still, that didn’t just erase all of your years of no workouts and you were now contemplating if you could even do this at all. “Honestly, I’m surprised you’re still here.”
“What do you mean?” You panted, lowering the water bottle from your lips.
“Well, when I first got here it took a while for everyone to just…take my advice?” He said this more like a question, as if the right words for what had happened weren’t coming to him. “I could maybe get 10 minutes of working out before getting ignored. You’re a real trooper!”
You weren’t sure you quite believed him, but you appreciated the effort. Everyone really seemed to enjoy Sportacus’ company and were happy to engage in activities with him. No way the citizens started out ignoring him? “Thanks.” You finally said, a light smile on your face. 
“Anytime!” Sportacus clapped you on the shoulder. “Now, about that breakfast I promised–” Your eyes widened and you perked up which made him huff out a bit of laughter. “Let’s head out. Then we can take a walk after and then, I’ll let you have the rest of the day as you want it. It wouldn’t be right for me to control your schedule and make you do what I want.” You nodded gratefully to him with a smile and you two slowly made your way out of the park and towards a local restaurant that was currently serving breakfast. 
The conversation while eating flowed seamlessly and it was nice having someone’s company. You weren’t expecting the town’s superhero to be such a great hangout companion, but this charisma of his is probably how he gets others motivated towards bettering their lives. It was…appreciated. You didn’t really know if this would fix everything for you, nothing could be some magical one trick quick fix, but it helped put healthy behaviors in a positive light for you. At least a little bit. Your bed and your house still sounded like the most perfect place in the world, but you wouldn’t mind getting out like this every now and again.
After lunch, Sportacus took you on a walk as he had promised but this time your time with one another was spent in silence. It wasn’t bad. Quite the opposite. You probably talked more today than you had in your entire life, so quieting down and just appreciating your surroundings while in the company of someone else was perfect. You’d probably feel like a huge dork if it was just you walking around all quiet like this, but Sportacus being there just made sense. 
You weren’t quite sure when the walk would end and it seemed as if it wouldn’t until a familiar head of pink hair began to make its way over to your position. Sportacus got a bit shifty on his feet as she approached while you just waved at Stephanie with a smile on your face. A genuine one compared to the customer service one you had given her yesterday.
“What’s up?” The girl asked, a smile on her face. “Did your guys’ morning together go good?”
You nodded at her. “Yeah. I’m exhausted to be honest.” You laughed which caused Stephanie to let out a little laugh of her own. “How’d you know we’d been out together?” It was with that question that you finally noticed Sportacus acting a bit off. Stephanie just stifled a laugh behind her hand at his behavior and you were made aware of the fact that they knew something you didn’t.
“Well, Sportacus here–”
“Stephanie told me about how you were at the ice cream stand yesterday!” He quickly interrupted her which only caused the girl to laugh a bit louder. “So she knew of my plans to come out and help you.” That made sense you supposed, but why would the two of them be acting so weird about it? Sportacus seemed to have a light red hue to his face and Stephanie looked like the cat who ate the canary.
“Well, I’m gonna head out.” You began awkwardly, a nervous smile on your face. “Thanks for getting me out of bed this morning, Sportacus!” You waved and the other duo waved back to you before you turned and began walking away. In the distance, you could hear more of what you assumed to be Stephanie’s laughter. 
What was so funny?
-
This routine continued on for a month. Sportacus would wake you up in the morning, you’d work out, eat breakfast, then part ways. It became a part of your routine even if some days you guys would switch it around because of your job or his self-assigned duty to help the town against Robbie Rotten. It, strangely, became a welcome change to you. Maybe the change you had been trying to make all of these years had finally come to you. You just needed a little push to get the ball rolling. You found yourself actively making the bed in the morning, choosing more healthy options to your usual diet, you even started noticing you didn’t dread leaving the house as much anymore. Sure, you still had a few of your quirks like thinking you deserved a little treat for every success or preferring to sleep in, but you weren’t dragging your feet along just trying to get by one day at a time. This was the best you had felt in a while!
Once a few more weeks passed after that first month, you started hanging out with Sportacus more outside of his personal training with you. You got along with the hero surprisingly well and it felt nice to finally have a close friend within the town. With his help, you finally began talking and making friends with other townsfolk. You had accepted Stephanie’s requests to play or hang out more and more. Being around everyone really made you feel like you were a part of a community instead of just being some random face within one. Sportacus had helped you a lot…
“Soooo whatcha thinking about?” The voice startled you out of your thoughts and you suppose you jumped a little too because a “relax, it’s just me,” was quickly added on. You lifted your head up from where you were staring at the ground to meet the eyes of Stephanie. A light smile graced your face as you gave a nod of acknowledgement towards the girl as she sat down on the bench beside you.
“Nothin’ really.” You answered. “Just sitting on this bench and looking at my surroundings.” Stephanie pursed her lips at that answer as if she was hoping to hear a different one. But she let that grievance go with a sigh and instead decided on something else to talk about.
“I’m really proud of you.” 
“For what?” You huffed out a laugh. “I haven’t done anything.”
“What do you mean?” Stephanie said to you, wide-eyed. “A month or two ago, I would’ve only seen you at your ice cream stand! Now, look at you, I found you out in the wild without any coercion from anyone in Lazytown!” You shrugged at what she said and she comically deflated where she sat. 
“I mean, I guess…” you began slowly, “but this really isn’t much. I really haven’t done anything. It’s been Sportacus’ influence.” The mention of the hero had her perk back up and she leaned forward a bit in her seat. She was now swinging her legs since they didn’t quite touch the ground and her hands rested on the seat of the bench.
“Still! You’re the one doing the things!” Stephanie encouraged.
“Yeah, but–”
“But what?”
You sighed, “I’m nowhere near his level! How am I supposed to truly be better if I’m not even up to his active standard?”
“Are you joking?” Stephanie deadpanned with a raise of a brow. “He was made to be active. I like to have fun and play and move around, but at the rate he does it? No way!” You were silent after that, your gaze once again focused at the ground. Stephanie was having an internal battle with herself before she finally let out a groan of frustration before speaking. “Besides, you’ll always be up to his standard. He’s…” She had a pause as she searched for the correct word. “He appreciates every ounce of your effort. He appreciates you.”
Stephanie let that sit with you and decided to finally go silent herself.
Sportacus…appreciated you? Well, he probably appreciated everyone he was nice like that. But hearing the words made you…feel something. Something that had your face heating up and making your stomach do flips.
“Th..Thanks, Stephanie.” You got out, a shaky smile on your reddened face. Now this was what the pink-haired girl wanted to see. 
“Anytime!” She said with a grin and waved jovially as you excused yourself from the park bench and began speed walking home. You barely had half the mind to wave back as you were in such a rush. Why were you in a rush again? Your mind was scrambling with ideas that you barely even registered that you had made it home. 
Closing the door behind you, you quickly locked it and leaned back against it as you let out quick breaths of air. You held a hand to your chest as you had to force yourself to even out your inhales and exhales. What had gotten into you?
Sportacus.
He was so nice to you, so kind, supportive. Could you have…
You hopped into the shower, a shaky attempt to clear your head. You just needed a shower and to go to bed. That’d fix everything. After that it’d be like Stephanie never said anything that made you think about something you’d been pushing down for weeks. Girl math!
Those things didn’t help.
In fact, you couldn’t even get to sleep. Your mind was running wild with the idea that you maybe sort of fell in love with Lazytown’s slightly above average hero. You had done everything you could think of: counting sheep, drinking a warm glass of milk, breathing exercises, etc. But nothing would calm your racing mind and rapid heartbeat. The only person you felt comfortable enough to call at a time like this just so happened to be the source of the issue, so you were forcing yourself to suffer all by your lonesome.
Sportacus was most definitely nice to everyone in town just like he was with you. You’re so stupid for falling head over heels for a man over the slightest acts of kindness. But he was just so sweet and he took time out of his day to make you feel included and he was charming and–
You needed to shut up (even if you weren’t actually speaking.)
Safe to say, you didn’t sleep that night. By the time you heard the routine knocks on your door, your head was swimming with unsolved drowsiness. Knowing who it was caused a pit to form in your stomach, but you still got up out of bed and shuffled slowly towards your front door. You opened it up just a crack and saw the man himself standing there like he always did. You noticed him perk up when he noticed the movement, but a frown formed on his face when you didn’t open the door all the way.
“Is everything alright?” He asked, peeking through the small crack in the door to see a sliver of your figure.
“Yeah, I…um…give me a moment.” Your voice was overwhelmed with exhaustion as you closed the door and slowly got ready for the morning. It seemed as if sleep had tried to win too late because your mind was no longer racing with thoughts of Sportacus, but instead it felt blank. You can’t believe you pulled an all-nighter. Granted, you really tried not to.
Finally you made your way back to the front door and Sportacus was quickly on you once you made a step onto your front porch. He had noticed the slightest shift in your behavior and damn it if that didn’t make your heart skip a beat.
“Let’s go.” You smiled at him softly which caused a bit of the tension to drop from his shoulders, but he was still on guard. He couldn’t really tell what was wrong, but he knew something was off. 
He carried most of the talking on your guys’ way to the park and you were happy to listen, trying your best to suppress any yawns so that he wouldn’t take it as a sign of disinterest. How could you not be interested in everything he had to say?
Sportacus handed you a fruit cup for today’s light breakfast and you accepted it as you two sat side by side under a tree while eating. The conversation seemed to fall as you two ate, or, as Sportacus ate. He didn’t realize you weren’t until he felt a head fall against his shoulder. The elf jumped a bit and looked down at you and noticed you had fallen asleep on him as he heard a soft snore drift from you. A fond smile graced his features at the sight. That answered every question he’s had since seeing you this morning. You hadn’t had a good night’s rest. But what was the reason for that, he wondered. Carefully, he grabbed the fruit cup from your hands and set it aside to avoid a mess and began taking some time to figure out what to do. Sportacus was not very fond of staying this still if he wasn’t sleeping, but you probably needed this more than your daily workout even if it would ruin your sleep schedule for a bit. You also looked so incredibly peaceful and he couldn’t say he wasn’t glad about the fact that you trusted him enough to fall asleep near him.
To be honest, Sportacus has taken an interest in you since he had first arrived in Lazytown. Despite having the same problems as literally every citizen here, you were kind and you really did seem like you wanted to be doing your best. Plus you got along well with the kids (which may or may not have had something to do with your job) but he spent a long time admiring you from afar. He wanted to help you like he helped everyone, but he was selfish, And by that he means that you made him incredibly nervous. An emotion that the elf didn’t feel often, so he struggled to deal with it. Stephanie, the ever so observant kid she was, noticed his glances at you, the way he seemed extra interested anytime you were brought up in conversation. Once piecing together what all of it meant, that’s when she had made her way up to your ice cream stand that day. She didn’t want to be outright with anything, but she at least wanted to help Sportacus talk to you and what better motivation for him than to help you out of your slump. Stephanie didn’t know if you two would be all romance, but what kind of friend would she be if she didn’t help out the one person who was always helping everyone else? 
That’s how Sportacus got himself into this current situation. He realized he had been staring at you the entire time he was lost in thought and got embarrassed by that fact despite the fact no one was around to see him. You looked cute when you slept, but this surely wasn’t an ideal place for you to sleep, especially with the position you were in as your neck would definitely feel it when you woke up. With a disappointed sigh, Sportacus shook you awake.
“Wha?” You exhaled, rubbing your eyes a bit. You blinked rapidly trying to get a feeling for where you were even if you had only been out for at least 10 minutes. Upon realizing your position, you quickly lifted your head off of Sportacus’ shoulder and apologized profusely with your face lit up a bright red.
“It is alright! I promise!!” He chuckled lightly, a smile on his face. Yeah, you were cute. “We can workout another day. I think you need to catch up on some sleep.” You tried to protest, but a yawn cut you off which made you groan. You began moving to begin the walk back home, but found Sportacus doing everything for you and at his super fast pace so you couldn’t even begin to protest. He had picked up your fruit cup and every other belonging you both had brought along before holding his hands out to pick you up like he often did. You looked up at him with wide eyes and softly rested your palms on his. His grip didn’t falter as he hoisted you up and you stumbled forward closer to him once on your feet since you were a bit disoriented from your lack of sleep. A matching set of red complimented both of your faces at the proximity, but your eyes stayed locked with his. A beat passed before your gaze casted downwards, getting nervous at the prolonged eye contact.
“Come on, I’ll walk you home.” He spoke softly, his hands still clasping yours. You rubbed your thumbs along his knuckles absentmindedly as you nodded at him. You’re not sure who pulled away first, but your hands separated and you two were now walking side by side. Finding yourself incapable of walking in a straight line, constantly bumping into Sportacus as you walked, you felt a strong arm come to rest along your shoulders and it held you steady. You gasped at the touch, but welcomed it all the same. It felt nice.
Meanwhile, Sportacus was a bit panicky. Was this too much? You weren’t complaining, but you always were extremely polite. In all honesty, he did just want to help. No one could walk perfectly straight all of the time, but he noticed how your constant faltering was getting on your nerves and while he didn’t mind it, he wanted to relieve that extra stress. But what if this was the wrong way to go about it? He would not be overthinking it this much if it were anyone else…
“What kept you up last night?” He decided to ask. You tensed up at the question and sent quick glances at him as your heart began racing again. How could you answer that? You were NOT about to pour your heart out to this man. No amount of sleep deprivation could get you that delirious.
“I don’t know,” you eventually settled on, “just couldn’t get my mind to ‘turn off’ I guess.” Sportacus nodded as if he didn’t quite believe you, but he trusted your boundaries enough to not push past that.
The rest of the walk continued on in relative silence as he never let go of your shoulders until you two had safely made it back to your house.
“Thank you for walking me back.” You said as if he didn’t walk you back everyday. “I’m sorry for cutting today short.”
“Don’t worry. Your well-being always comes first.” 
You two spent a moment just staring at one another as if neither of you wanted to actually separate from the other.
“I hope you rest well.” Sportacus broke the silence and sent you that damned smile of his, the smile that made you weak in the knees. And you nodded, a soft ‘thank you’ escaping your lips as he somersaulted off to who knows where. You let out a sigh of contentment as you shut your front door. He was something else.
You couldn’t fall asleep faster.
Stephanie knew something was up as soon as she saw Sportacus zooming around the town square haphazardly as he was doing an assortment of exercises. A slight frown was on her face as she watched the hero for a few moments before calling his name. This made him pause and he looked over at the girl. His attention finally had her walking over to him.
“Hey, are you okay?” She asked. “You’re usually like this when you need to, I don’t know, occupy your mind or something.”
Sportacus was conflicted on telling Stephanie anything. On one hand, he knew she knew he had feelings for you, but on the other why would he let the child get mixed in with his love life? She was extremely intelligent for her age, but that didn’t make it any less strange in his head.
“Is it about [name]? Pleeeaaaassseee tell me it is! I love hearing about you two!” She exclaimed with a big grin on her face. His reaction was everything she needed and she clapped excitedly. “Are you guys finally together? Wait no, can’t be. You wouldn’t be so stressed out. But no way they rejected you either hm. What if–”
“Stephanie.” Sportacus began which effectively quieted the girl. “Nothing happened.”
The girl quirked a brow in disbelief and crossed her arms along her chest.
“Nothing happened! Seriously!” Sportacus exclaimed. “They didn’t get much sleep last night so we canceled this morning.” He explained.
“Ohhhh so you are upset?”
“No! It is very much important that they get the proper amount of sleep. It’s just, what if they’re sick? Or something is wrong? Those are the only reasons I can think of that would make them lose sleep.” He finally voiced his concerns and it got Stephanie thinking. Sportacus was pacing as she stood still, a hand on her chin in thought. Suddenly, it seemed as if a lightbulb went off above her head and she squealed. Sportacus sharply turned towards her, looking at the girl as if she had grown a second head.
“Maybeeeee…They like you too!” Stephanie planted that seed. She was trusting her gut, and based on her previous interaction with you, it seemed pretty likely.
“I don’t know Stephanie…” Sportacus thought. He usually wasn’t the one to second guess such actions, he was always certain and dove in head first. But, as stated previously, you made him nervous.
“I think,” Stephanie started, “you should ask them out! Awwww you guys would be sooo cute!!” The pink haired girl cooed and Sportacus couldn’t help but laugh a bit at her enthusiasm, even if his stomach seemed to churn at the thought of possibly overstepping a boundary with you. It’d hurt the most to know that he had made you uncomfortable in some way. Stephanie had begun staring up at him with puppy dog eyes trying to use her cuteness that all kids were granted to sway Sportacus into making a move. The hero sighed.
“I’ll think about it.”
-
That might have been the best sleep you have ever gotten in your life. You had even managed to sleep until early the next day which is just ridiculous, but at least you didn’t wake up in the middle of the night and continue a cycle of a poor sleep schedule. This felt like your entire body had done a factory reset.
You made your way through your morning routine and got on your phone once you finished. Sportacus could show up any minute now, and even if you feared embarrassing yourself in front of him due to your feelings, not spending time with him sounded like a new form of torture. So risking embarrassment it was!
Only a few more minutes of scrolling through social media and you heard the sound of knocks on your door. You rushed over to go answer it as fast as you could. Opening the door you grinned as you saw Sportacus standing there. His face brightened at seeing you and he opened his arms up wide in surprise.
“You’re awake!” He exclaimed which made you laugh with a roll of your eyes. “Ready to get going?” Something seemed…off with the hero. He was pretty normal, but he seemed jittery, anxious. Two words that didn’t fit him all that well.
“Oh, so ready! I really need to stretch my limbs out after all of that resting.” You said, pulling your arms up above your head in a stretch to accentuate your point. A look that could only be described as pure adoration crossed Sportacus’ face and you looked at him strangely. “What? Did I say something?”
He stumbled a bit over his words as the two of you finally began your walk to the park. “You didn’t say anything, it's just,” Sportacus sighed before turning his gaze to you. His eyes were filled with a sincerity you hadn’t ever seen on him before. “I’m very proud of you, [name].” That was absolutely the last thing you expected him to say, but you stayed silent as if urging him to continue. “You’ve come very far in such a short amount of time. Of course, I’m proud of everyone here in Lazytown for their improvements! Even with people like Robbie Rotten around, all of you continue on and are unknowingly eager to better yourselves. But you…” He trailed off, his gaze finally leaving yours as he stared ahead. “Your progress is special to me.”
You were certain your face was bright red at his statement and you turned your head to look at the ground so he wouldn’t notice.
“Thank you.” You murmured bashfully as you played with a piece of your hair. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“Nonsense!” Sportacus spoke incredulously. “I only got you out of bed in the morning. The rest was all you! You are extraordinary.” 
The conversation died off there as you replayed his words over and over in your head. He was too perfect. You were totally going to explode. Maybe you couldn’t keep up with your guys’ daily workout if he was going to keep acting so sweet. 
You hadn’t even noticed it yet, but you had made it to your guys’ tree. You set down your workout bag and were waiting for Sportacus to offer you the snack of the day, but quickly you noticed that his attention was focused somewhere in the distance. You tried following his gaze, but it was apparent he was just lost in thought. Timidly, you waved a hand in front of his face to snap him back to attention and it did the trick.
“Ah! Sorry, I was just thinking…”
“About what?”
Sportacus’ stomach was doing flips, cartwheels, he felt as if he had just eaten a singular bar of chocolate. This must be what sickness felt like. The elf wetted his lips nervously before he let his eyes land on you. He stood there for a moment and let himself take in your appearance. No matter how many times he saw you, he didn’t know if he’d ever get enough. Maybe he should just,
“[Name],” he spoke softly, gaining your full attention, “you’re incredible. Seriously. You may not think so, but you inspire me everyday. You’re different from everyone else here. Yes, I care for everyone, obviously. I wouldn’t protect and encourage people who I didn’t genuinely like and believe in, but you’re…what I’m trying to say is that I look forward to every moment I get to spend with you. Hanging out and working out with you is more refreshing than any amount of sleep or relaxation I could ever get.” Sportacus had unconsciously moved closer to you as you spoke and you were just listening in pure awe. You gasped and looked down as he took your hands in his, his grip soft yet firm as if he didn’t want to lose this moment with you. “I was wondering if you would like to…go on a date with me?”
Your eyes were full of wonder as you stared up at the man. Every word he spoke was swimming around in your head and you were in complete disbelief.
“You? Want to date me?” You asked softly, looking him in the eyes.
“There is no one else I would rather be with.”
“Why?” Your words echoed despite the open area you two currently occupied. “Why me? I’m not the most athletic person around and I’m still pretty lazy. You’re…you’re a superhero! And I’m just…well, I’m just me.”
His hands quickly left your hands so he could cup your face. He brushed his thumb along your cheek as you two stared at each other intently.
“And you are exactly what I want.” Sportacus said with complete sincerity. “I’m only a slightly above average hero. That is nothing compared to how you appear in my eyes.”
Your eyes welled with tears, but you refused to let them spill. No one had ever spoken such words to you before in your life. Without thinking, you lunged forward and wrapped your arms around Sportacus’ neck in a warm embrace to which he quickly returned. His arms were wrapped strongly around your waist as you buried your head a bit into his shoulder. 
“I’d love to.” You finally murmured, pulling back slightly so that you could look at him. Your arms still rested around his neck and now his hands just lightly rested on your waist, trying to be careful with his placement out of respect.
“Love to what?” He asked, a confused look on his face that just caused you to smile.
“Go on a date with you. I’d love to.” You clarified and it's as if stars lit up in his eyes at your words. 
A beat of silence was held between the two of you as you both just stared at the other, happy to be in each other’s presence.
In an instant, you both surged forward as your lips interlocked. It was soft, tender, spark-inducing as the kiss continued on. The only thing running through your guys’ minds is that this is how it’s supposed to be. This kiss was right. Your lips moved in tandem for what felt like eternity in just a few seconds. If you had it your way, you would never separate, but your lungs’ cries for help cause you to back away and rest your forehead against his as you both caught your breaths. Staring at him, you couldn’t help but smile which caused him to smile in turn.
You knew you’d find motivation to become better eventually. What you never expected, however, was for it to come from someone else’s belief in you.
121 notes · View notes
chirpsythismorning · 5 months
Text
This is a continuation in exploring why I think Mike's character regression over the seasons can be explained in part by guilt, which he has yet to confront
Original post
Now we're onto s2, which jumps us ahead in the timeline a bit.
Mike has been calling out to El on the walkie for approx. 252 days now, under what he views as the false hope she might actually be alive. This is mostly based on the fact that Mike thought he saw El outside of his house a few hours after she 'died' (he did see her, bc she was there...) and so a part of him does think there's a chance. And yet this is also isn't something Mike seems to be comfortable talking about the others with.
Which brings us to the crazy together scene. Although this scene has a lot going on, there's one aspect of it in particular that I want to focus on, as it's the driving force for what is going to be discussed, which is that Halloween night was also the last night Mike called El, aka day 353.
I just want to preface what follows, with the fact that I do not personally think Mike giving up calling El, as a concept on its own, means that he couldn't possibly love El romantically or something. It's not even about that idea from an audience perspective. And this is because any average person, in reality, mourning someones' death, should not be calling out to that person for almost a year. Letting go doesn't make you a bad person, whether it was romantic, platonic or even familial. It's called healing and accepting what is and trying to move on and live your life.
Neither does Mike giving up after that night make him heartless or a bad character in my opinion. It literally just makes him human. But that also doesn't mean that's how Mike feels about it, nor does it mean that the manifestation of this guilt isn't going to affect his behavior over the course of the series, causing some very unfortunate choices on Mike's part to then lead to some very unfortunate events for everyone...
Where it starts to get sort of complex is that I think the whole point of the crazy together scene and where it ended up was to for it to showcase how Mike and Will were both willing to accept each other, despite these secrets they've been keeping to themselves.
Will revealed the truth to Mike about how he could still see into the UD, with the addition of seeing this big 'shadow in the sky', followed by asking Mike to not tell the others because they wouldn't understand. Mike then responds by saying El would understand, followed by confiding his own secret to Will that he's been keeping from the others, which is that he thinks he's seen signs that El could still be alive.
The scene then ends with them in agreement that if they're both going crazy, they'll go crazy together, with it arguably being their most incriminatingly romantic moment to date, as it juxtaposes other uncannily similar romantic mentions on the show involving that same word.
But no matter what happens, they're promising to support each other, specifically the weird shit they have going on and could presumably continue to explore that weirdness, without telling anyone else who might judge them for it or misunderstand their feelings entirely...
This is why Mike had no problem with Will going crazy in s2 because as promised, he was going to be right there with him. Also meaning, Mike COULD have had no problem continuing to test out his theory that El was alive, because Will would have supported him.
Obviously, Will sort of had his hands tied in s2 (literally?), but the point still stands. It's not like this was something Mike HAD to give up, because that conversation between him and Will instilled that they would support each other and what makes them feel crazy.
I think the issue though, is that what's causing Mike so much grief daily for almost a year now, is the guilt that came with El's death and him feeling responsible. And so, in contrast to Will's slightly more justified assumptions that what he's seeing could actually be real based on what's happened to him, it's like Mike is asking himself whether he's actually seeing El because she's still alive OR is he just imagining she's still alive because he wants to forgive himself?
A kid deducing that in their head would make them feel pretty awful, don't you think? Maybe even lead them to calling out to that person for almost a year in hopes that they might still be alive?
Meaning Mike choosing that night to walk away, to give up, is likely a result of his conversation with Will making him feel more comfortable with finally letting go of some of that guilt in order to actually start the process of moving on. Because a big part of why he didn't want to move on was because of guilt in the first place.
Also confiding in Will and only Will, not the others, who were hell bent on interpreting all of Mike's feelings for El as romantic, was maybe Mike's way of avoiding the pressure to associate his whole relationship with El as strictly romantic. With Will, maybe Mike knew he wasn't going to spin it into something like that. And he would’ve been right, because Will didn't.
October 30th, Halloween Night (Day 353 - Last call)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
You cannot tell me that day 353 isn't framed as the last call. Like Mike is literally walking away dramatically, leaving El alone, with her now just a tiny dot surrounded by darkness. The way it's framed leaves the viewer genuinely feeling heartbroken because there's some very evident finality to what is being presented. And we even see that El feels it too, hence the episode cutting off dramatically with her tear filled eyes.
And so why did Mike choose THIS moment to give up? Why did he choose now to put his 353 day streak to rest? Like, that was impressive as hell. He could have easily kept that going, but instead he decided that this was going to be the last time he was going to try calling out to her...
November 1st (Day 354)
Tumblr media
El is still pretty bummed that Hopper came home late last night, but I'm guessing she's even more bummed still processing what might have very well been Mike finally giving up that night too.
Although I don't think El would blame Mike for giving up, still, she too throughout all of this had been building up hope herself. El's been clinging onto the bond she made with Mike, specifically the romantic moments, to the point where she has been watching shows with romantic themes, putting herself in the position of the love interest.
So him not giving up, to El, has been a signal that what they are feeling between each other is very deep and... romantic. Him keeping this going this long is a sign to her that these feelings are pretty much guaranteed. And if he doesn't continue, that hope would obviously dwindle.
Tumblr media
At breakfast that morning, Hopper acknowledges the TV cord peaking out of El's room, which is the device she uses to visit Mike from the void, all the way from the cabin. Without it, she is not able to 'communicate' with him, let alone see if he actually didn't give up after that night she feared he did...
Unfortunately her and Hopper have an argument after this, leading to her storming off to her room. And after Hopper is gone, El finds herself being so impatient to see Mike after almost a year of waiting, that she decides to take fate into her own hands. She isn't willing to wait until the evening, which is roughly speaking the usual time Mike uses the walkie to call her every night. She needs to see him now.
And lucky(?) for her, she does!
Tumblr media
Finally! A SIGN! After almost a year of no signs that El is alive, since the night she went missing, Mike is getting a sign El is alive!
And he runs after it! He goes to check to confirm his (valid) suspicions, only for her to not be there, with Mike looking disappointed, but also kind of like he's accepted it's a lost cause at this point.
Mike's hope that El is alive and okay and the relief that would come with finally letting go of this massive weight of guilt, is not within reach. He just needs to accept it and let it go. He needs to forgive himself and move on.
Tumblr media
On top of all of this, Will is experiencing his own version of crazy. And Mike seems more concerned with focusing on this and supporting Will, than holding onto this hope that El is alive.
So even though Mike just got a sign that El is alive (which parallels to the initial evidence of her being alive outside his house, what literally initiated him to call out to her for almost a year), he doesn't revert back to his approach of not giving up. He sticks by his decision.
The irony of what happens with El the same night that Mike doesn't call, for the first time, is not lost on me...
Tumblr media
Tragically, El doesn't know Mike actually gave up (just like she feared he did) because she lost her ability to communicate with him that night.
I wonder how differently things would have played out if she new the truth. Would she have held onto this really romanticized idea of her and Mike's relationship because he never gave up? Or would she have maybe reassured Mike that it was okay that he gave up and moved past it and still hoped and tried to make it work? Honestly, I think the later.
Because again, it's not Mike giving up that makes him a bad person or something that refutes his ability to love her romantically, it just means that it's not true that he never gave up.
And Mike being the only person to know this fact... Um... Cannot be good for him.
October 2nd (Day 355)
Tumblr media
As El is trying to revive a modicum of hope that she can see Mike again through the void, to confirm her hopes that he didn't give up, by using the TV like she usually does, she discovers that the cord is broken. It's a lost cause.
On the other side of town, Mike is entirely focused on Will. The previous night, he did not reach out to El. He gave up. And El is none the wiser.
The writers made the choice to have one more night that Mike could have called El because he was at home that night on day 354, a day that actually involved an incident that you'd think would have reignited his hope that she was alive, before he inevitably jumped head first into focusing on Will, with him not being home for the rest of the season. They could have shown us Mike calling out to El from the other side of town, and then cut to her in her room not knowing... And yet, they didn't...
This is where I jump to the end, because the focus primarily when it comes to El and Mike's arcs for the rest of the season are with El trying to find her mom and discover more about herself, while Mike is trying to be there for Will in any way he can.
The sad part is that despite Mike giving up and trying to move on from El's death, that guilt is never really going to go away. He gave El expectations that she had to risk her life to find Will, and all of that built up and inadvertently led to her death.
But maybe Mike can right the wrongs he had El endure by following through on his focus of not letting Will die too? Maybe if Mike can save Will, El wouldn't have died for nothing?
But with this guilt and Mike trying to overcorrect it all, he's also experiencing very real and emotional moments with Will. Will is his best friend, and just a year ago Mike risked everything to get him back. A lot of those moments he experienced with El in s1, moments mixed with romantic expectations, are now also lingering here with him and his friend in s2. Except these aren't forced expectations. Everything Mike’s feeling and doing the entire time comes naturally to him, with none of it requiring pushing or advice from those around him. It's just pure instinct.
In the end, Mike's beside Joyce and Jonathan, who are sharing memories they have with Will to him in hopes it will prove to them he's still in there and able to be saved.
This emotional sequence builds up to Mike using his own memory of Will to try to reach him, one that comes off as platonic in every sense of the word, but visually, and when looked at in the grand scheme of things, especially with what is about to follow and those romantic expectations with El soon being thrust back on him... Well... Shit is about to get real messy.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Upon reuniting with El, Mike was quick to want to tell her that he never gave up, only for her to interrupt him with the exact number of days he called (before he gave up).
This is news to Mike for an abundance of reasons. It means he's not crazy and that El actually was alive those two times he saw her. All this (survivors) guilt that's been building up over the last year could have been avoided if he'd known that she didn't die, that she was okay.
It also means that for some reason, El heard him, and yet she doesn't know that he gave up...
And here Hopper is, revealing that he's been hiding her the whole time aka the perfect person for Mike to take all of this pent-up emotion out on.
Hopper then tells Mike that they will discuss this privately, which I find to be very interesting because it offers a chance for the viewer to see just a glimpse into Mike's emotional state at this moment, without everyone around to affect his ability to truly open up about how he's feeling. And not alone just anywhere in the house, but in Will's room...
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Mike is understandably upset because El is alive and Hopper knew this whole time and didn't tell him.
While Hopper didn't technically lie to Mike, at least not in canon because we never got an outright scene on-screen of Mike asking Hopper if El was alive with him denying it (all while knowing she was), it's at the very least a lie of omission...
But the thing is, if Hopper not clueing Mike in on El being alive qualifies as a lie of omission (off-screen), so does Mike not telling El he gave up (on-screen).
If anything Mike's lie of omission also qualifies as a plain old lie, because he outright told El he didn't give up (lied) and didn't correct her when she informed him she knew he didn't. She fully believed it, despite him knowing deep down that it wasn't the full truth.
So while Mike is taking all of his anger out on Hopper as this fighting match comes to a head, it takes a turn.
Hopper is fine with Mike blaming him, he says it's 'okay'. But it's not. Nothing about this is okay to Mike, seeing as this isn't even the whole problem. It's not the problem Mike's actually hiding within his outburst in the first place.
Suddenly Mike starts screaming to Hopper that he's a 'disgusting, lying, piece of shit', chanting LIAR over and over and over again, shoving him repeatedly, only for him to fall into Hopper's arms and start crying, with Hopper reassuring him that he's okay.
Something tells me Mike's emotions here aren't all about Hopper...
Something tells me that Mike's fixation with the word liar doesn't apply to Hopper here as much as it applies to Mike himself (in his eyes)...
The main reason why I think this is what's actually going on here, is because there was no reason to put so much emphasize on this concept of Mike literally walking away that last time he called her.
Why go through the trouble of creating this misunderstanding, by having the TV not work, with El not being able to go into the void to see Mike, THE very night he gave up, if to not plant the seed that this misunderstanding was going to bear some significance? That this misunderstanding (lie? lie of omission?) was going to lead to El assuming Mike didn't give up, all while Mike knows he gave up, but going along with the story that he didn't, for both El's sake and his own?
BECAUSE it's a surprise tool that will help us later!
I also think it's interesting that they decided to have Will go off and dance with a girl at the snowball BEFORE Mike decided to devote himself to El here on out. Like... that is quite the choice after a season of highlighting this bond between Will and Mike where they promise to go crazy together, which is a moment we know Will took romantically.... So, is it possible Mike also took it romantically? We know Will also took Mike's speech to him in the shed romantically, so is it possible Mike did too, with that experience only heightening his emotions and confusion over his feelings for El when he found out she was alive shortly after, leading to his outburst? But then Will is going and dancing with the girl, and here we have Mike's own version of falling behind (the Time After Time lyrics were more literal than you think).
What if they didn't do all of that? Would things have maybe panned out slightly differently if Mike wasn't under the (incorrect) assumption that Will didn't take those moments romantically?
While Mike's guilt might have started in s1, when he played the biggest role in pushing expectations onto El to help them find Will, only for her to 'die', it doesn't end there. Mike's guilt only builds when he holds the knowledge that he did give up hoping she could be alive, all while allowing El to believe the opposite based on what she saw, which was a guiding force for not only her love and dedication to him flourishing, but also for him to then shift his own version of expectations onto himself going forward to make it up to El by trying to be who she wants him to be.
We see how romanticized 353 days is interpreted exclusively as meaning Mike has to be in love with El. But he did give up. So what does that mean for all of this? For their picture perfect love story?
What does it mean for Mike to hold onto this truth, a truth that makes him feel immense guilt, only for him to spend the next year or so making it up to her...?
It means either Mike has to come clean, or he has to deflect and double down.
What option do you think a guilt-ridden, repressed homosexual kid in the 80's is going to choose?
Answer? Deflect and double down.
In s3, Mike is so focused on worrying about El (giving her what he thinks she wants) so he can right all the building up of wrongs he has done at her expense since he met her, and as a result loses Will in the process (where have we heard this before...?)
Instead of Mike having a moment in s3 where he acknowledges that he himself was the first to ever refer to El as a weapon in the first place, to try to save Will in s1, he's now turning around and blaming the others for using El as a weapon 'for no reason'...
No reason? Really Mike? Is it for no reason, or is it just not a good enough reason to you this time?
Or maybe has Mike just actually spent enough time with El now to truly feel a bond with her in order to see her as a full person, slightly outside of this imaginary superhero he's cooked her up to be when he met her that day in the woods, the day his life started because she was his first and only hope of finding Will? (I say slightly bc... I mean we all saw what happened in s4?)
I honestly think it's a mix of both...
I also think it's not a coincidence that Mike doubling down instead of facing the truth about this manifestation of guilt only makes things worse for him. And El. And Will.
Because suddenly he's choosing this moment to blurt out that he loves and can't lose her again, in front of everyone, even to his own dismay and shock. And when El walks in and gives him a chance to say it to her himself, like any person whose in love with someone would want to do, to make them feel loved, he looks terrified.
And when the season ends and Mike is given another chance to say it finally, to El directly, in roughly the exact same spot he had his emotional outburst in the previous season over finding out she was alive at the same time he was still grappling with losing Will again, IN WILL'S ROOM, he freezes. He just lets what happens, happen.
Because after everything, with El right now in front of him, telling him she loves him while being fully convinced he loves her too after everything they've went through, how could he possibly take it back, or try to make her understand his complicated feelings about all of this?
Answer? He can't.
As hard as it is to believe (not that hard honestly based on his track record), Mike's deflection and stalling era is just beginning...
62 notes · View notes
manias-wordcount · 1 year
Note
Hii! I'd like to request a oneshot of Ban x F!reader where Ban falls deeper for y/n after hearing her sing for the first time The two of them have known each other since they were kids and ban has feelings for her but is hesitant to confess, Then one night there were lots of customers in the boar hat so Meliodas thought of having some source of entertainment and Elizabeth suggested for y/n to sing bc she heard her sing one time. Ty!! 🥰
Singing as You Smile (Ban x Reader)
𝗔/𝗡: 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲!! 𝗶 𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗲𝗻𝗷𝗼𝘆 :]
𝙒𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚? ⇒ 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩
𝙟𝙤𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙧?
Tumblr media
He used to think your best quality was your smile.
  It was hard not to. It’s the same pretty smile you had since the two of you were kids. Running around, trying to face the world as best as you could. No matter the hardships the two of you faced, you always found a way to bring so much to his life. No matter the things that constantly tried to separate the two of you, you always found your way back to him. No matter how many times he was killed. No matter how many times he was hunted. No matter how many times he fought or he battled or he won or he lost- you always found a way to smile. For him. For others. 
  For yourself. 
   You were the type of person who could just look at a poor, beat-down stranger and make their day better. You were the type of person who could glance at a crying, screaming toddler and get them to calm down. It was all because of the way your lips would tug upwards, and you would expose your pearly whites. It was all because of the way your eyes would glow with so much happiness. It was all because you smiled. It was all because of your smile. No one else deserved that credit. No one but you.
  But now…
  “Sing another one! Sing another one!”
  “You got it!”
  …he’s starting to have second thoughts.
  Ban’s eyes can’t help but scan the faces of the crowd as his hand absently dries mug after mug now that they’ve been thoroughly washed. Surprisingly, orders from the kitchen have slowed down, and he was able to take advantage of this short break to really focus on something else. Though he knows it won’t last that way forever. The night still feels young, and the tavern is jam-packed. Men and women alike were crowding around tables and cheering animated for something. Cheering for you. 
  Because at the center of it all? Past the crowds of drunkards slamming their half-empty cups onto aged wooden tables? Past the stamping of feet against cobblestone floors and contained by the tavern’s sturdy walls? Past all these people who just don’t matter? There’s you. Smiling, your great, big, beautiful smile.
  Smiling, your great, big, beautiful smile as you sing.
  Ban lets out a sigh. He can’t count how many times he had done that since his shift started. For the umpteenth time today, he’s glad all the attention is on you, so there’s no one here to poke fun at his emotions. But could you blame him? You just look so damn pretty when performing for a crowd. Your hair was done up in a style he hadn’t seen you wear before. And your tavern uniform was changed up just the tiniest bit to show that you were more than just some barmaid. That you were more than just bargirl too. That you were a star. That you are a star.
  Tonight and for many more nights to come. 
  He looks away briefly to set the mug in his hand down. It takes him a short amount of time to grab the next one that needs to be dried and to get to work with the same rag that he had been using all night. But it takes him an even shorter amount of time to let his eyes fall back onto you. There it is again. That smile of yours. But it’s accompanied by a lovely voice that he knows could only belong to you. It flies through the air and circles around the room. It fills the ears of everyone, and it travels straight to the heart so it can fill that spot as well. It does everything in its power to create magic. It does everything in its power to create peace. And it’s a melody. A melody so perfect, a melody holy. A melody he swears belongs to the goddesses. Yet it belongs to you. It belongs only to you. And still, you share it. You share your voice with others. With strangers with breaths stained with beer. With friends who are the first to cheer.
  With him. 
  You share your voice with him especially. Just like you share your smile with him. Just like you share your presence with him. Just like you share your life with him. At least, that’s what he likes to believe. Because for a moment during this new song that you’re singing, your eyes slide over to his. As always, your smile is still there. But shining even brighter than before, you sing the words to a song he knows he heard you hum before. And because you’re looking at him, he can’t help but smile back at you too.
  He knows it isn’t as sweet as yours. He knows his lips always form a smirk and his red eyes always hold a type of glint in them that would make anyone guilty of any crime grow scared. He knows that in this moment, he’s not as special as you are. He knows that for all moments that will come after, he will never be as special as you are. As perfect as you are too. Yet somehow…
  When he smiled at you, you seemed to grow brighter. Your perfect voice grows impossibly more perfect. Your words carry so much emotion, and the cheers from the crowd grow louder. Your smile grows, and that halo of light that seems to shine around you? It shines unapologetically. Like this was what you were born to do. Like this is what you were always meant to do. 
  Meant to smile. Meant to sing. Meant to uplift the hearts of the people around you. Meant to bring happiness, and light, and all things good to any person you meet. One song at a time. One smile at a time. One glance at a time.
  When you finally look away, Ban continues to watch you. You continue your performance, and you finish your song. You bask in claps and the cheers of all the patrons. And you listen to the calls for “one more!” with that same too damn pretty across your face. Somewhere off to the side, Elizabeth is looking up at you with utter awe and amazement. Somewhere off to the other side, the Captain is looking smug at the thought of all the money you were bringing in for the tavern. But that all fades away as you start to give the crowd your big smile again. But that all fades away as you open your mouth and you start to sing again. And that all fades away as you smile and as you smile and as you spare just one more glance at him.
  And this time, he doesn’t even have to think about smiling back.
  Because he had never stopped smiling for you in the first place. 
311 notes · View notes
roseworth · 2 months
Note
tini howard is writing catwoman and honestly? I'm apprehensive about how she'll handle rose
i just read it and. i have mixed feelings.
some of it was alright. her characterization was about in line with how she usually is when she shows up as a side character. AND she has her new costume which i love (she didnt have it in mwsl so now its nice to see di giandomenico's art with this costume) plus most of her lines were her saying "please focus on the mission and dont talk to me about anything else"
Tumblr media
but overall. this was a loss for rose 👎
first of all? shes on a suicide squad????? on my knees begging dc to understand that shes not a villain so she should not be up to these things. at first i was willing to let it go bc i thought it was saying that waller was in contact with her bc rose is one of her operatives (bc stormwatch) or something/ which i still dislike but im more willing to accept. but then waller mentions the members being in cells/prison multiple times and ???????????? WHAT is rosie doing there
second of all. jesus fucking christ. free her from jason
Tumblr media Tumblr media
what are we doing here how did we get here. i would love selina and rose interacting under any circumstances EXCEPT "keeping an eye on her because shes jasons girlfriend" i hate it here. im not even against jay/rose im just already sick and tired of her being known as Jasons Girlfriend. why is that all you have to say about her. its very clear that tini howard does not know anything about rose outside of her appearance in gotham war
in conclusion tini howard stay away from rose forever please <3 this one was passable only for the fact that it was a one off appearance and im so happy to see her <3333 but now get away from her get a job etc
but on a completely different note... for those of us who suffered through terror titans.......... rose and clock king meet again
Tumblr media
obviously terror titans was not mentioned in this book on account of it being nearly two decades old and also a horrible book. and i dont even know if this is the same clock king bc i do not know any clock king lore. but he looks the same #terrortitansreunion2024
26 notes · View notes
enaspaces · 1 year
Text
my shuri headcanons 𓃠
a dump of my thoughts because i love her and she’s taken over my mind
Tumblr media
• on the trans/nonbinary spectrum. more specifically a demigirl and doesn’t care what pronouns you use on him. owns a binder for specific days that she wants her chest to look flat.
• very lesbian. her heart is for women and non-men 🏳️‍🌈
• i view her as a stud or a stem. it depends on how i’m feeling atm.
• she’s not just a nerd in the science sense she’s a huge fandom geek and has a stan twitter account to talk about her interests.
• also has fan edits of her favorite characters and interests saved on her phone. probably makes her own edits too.
• average minecraft enjoyer (she’s obsessed)
• reads a lot of wlw comics, novels, and other media bc they’re a gay ass.
• has AuDHD, argue with ur mama.
• is almost always seen wearing noise cancelling headphones or earbuds because she gets overstimulated at times. when she visits riri in chicago for the first time, the constant loud city noise is something he’s not used to. he had forgot to pack the headphones he made for himself so riri makes him a custom made pair to help him relax. they end up using riri’s more than their own. (riri indulgently put small cat ears on the top of them and shuri almost cried at the sight).
• catgirl energy. riri may make her look tall but that’s still a 5’5 girl twink that stopped growing at age 13. she’s small and likes to sit on counters, lab tables, the floor and any other weird place that’s not meant to be sat on. she curls up in a ball when she sleeps alone, and if she’s in the bed with someone else her limbs are all over their body. has cute sounding sneezes that m’baku makes fun of her for. one of the lab workers once found her asleep in a random corner of the room. naturally very light-footed and basically has human toe beans, making it very easy to sneak up on people without them hearing.
• has quite a few fidget toys to help her focus on work in the lab and ease her anxiety. a rubik’s cube, fidget spinners, stress ball, pop its, etc.
• she stims. so much. especially after she successfully completes a task or experiment and she’ll do a dance or do the lil hand flapping thing. her vocal stims are always random song lyrics or tiktok meme audios lol.
• has a sweet tooth. when okoye was a dora she’d occasionally bring candy or other sweets for her to snack on. riri goes to the store and buys him all the popular american snacks for him to try. nakia always has a mini stash prepared for when they visit her and toussaint in haiti.
• favorite color is purple. it just suits her.
• a GAMER™. she plays all genres but her favs are probably minecraft, puzzle, or rhythm games. did i mention minecraft? she loves it. riri loves rpgs and pvp games the most and has her play smash bros ultimate pretty often. they’re super competitive with each other and both sore losers lmao. shuri got her to play minecraft once and riri kept getting blown up by creepers.
• ↑ she becomes super close with mj, ned, and vivian through riri. they’re always on discord vc together playing games and doing many other things and it’s the most chaotic shit you’ve ever seen.
• if the word ticklish was personified. simply elbowing her in the stomach on accident would get a giggle outta her. every ticklish spot she has is extremely sensitive and you could have her curled up cackling in tears with ease.
• funny as hell for no reason. life of the party fr. she takes her jokester persona very seriously but sometimes she’s hilarious without even trying. the first time she ever smoked weed was with riri in her dorm and riri never laughed so hard in her life that day. shuri was literally all over the place. she’s definitely a lightweight too, just as goofy, giggly, and clingy in her drunken state.
• definitely likes kpop girl groups. I can’t prove it but they love loona you just have to trust me.
• also loves vocaloid and has a hatsune miku figure in her room somewhere. trust me on that.
• has a list of favorite black american artists. riri definitely put her on some r&b classics and less mainstream artists. has a massive celebrity crush on black women rappers.
• music taste is very versatile. her playlist has almost everything. she just can’t listen to one genre only, she’s too open minded and exploratory for that.
• he’s not one to fall in love easily, but when he does he falls hard. riri was the first person he ever fell for and it changed the trajectory of his life, poor thing had no idea what to do with that information.
• a romantic, lovesick loser. cannot flirt to save his life. flustering him is so fucking easy lmao. riri once called him shawty and he malfunctioned for 5 minutes. whenever he’s on the phone with riri his crush is genuinely so obvious to everyone around him. he be giggling and cheesing real hard 😭. kicking his feet squealing on the bed when he’s alone thinking about the cute nickname riri called him.
• her love language is acts of service and gift giving. she’s not always good with words or emotions so she expresses her appreciation towards her loved ones by distributing her wealth in many ways. buying riri things she might need for college, fixing stuff that breaks in nakia’s home. things like that.
• has trouble being vulnerable with those close to her. she’s lost so much, so opening up to new people is always a scary, big step. it took a while for her to let mj, ned, and viv into her heart because the closer she becomes with them, the more it’ll hurt if she loses them. they take her in with open arms regardless, because having a support system with people her age is something she needs. they take her seriously in ways that the elders don’t. they see her for who she is outside of being a royal figure to her country and allows her to be her full, authentic, geeky self. she’s able to grasp onto the youth that she almost lost when her family was taken away.
• very talkative. can infodump about an interest for hours and completely lose track of time if you let them. they cannot stay still when excited, nor can they keep eye contact, pacing around the room and darting their eyes everywhere while rambling about the history of vibrainium or something.
• maladaptive daydreaming. will lose herself in a song and start imagining scenarios in her head. t’challa once caught her in the act and refused to delete the video footage. sometimes, she pulls up the video her brother recorded just to hear his laughter in the background.
161 notes · View notes
Text
Incomplete list of changes I would make to mha if god gave me the ability to do so
So
Shinso is Midoriya’s main rival/foil among his classmates and actually gets a proper arc, Shigiraki can continue to be his villain rival
No Bakugo, he’s not plot relevant at all after the first episode. We will vaguely refer back to him in the final season with a shot of him staring at one of Deku’s battles from like a store or something but that’s it I want him gone
Female Shouto Todoroki
Also less in the whole Todoroki family arc about how sad Endeavour is that his family hates him for abusing them for their whole lives and more about the Todosibs complicated relationships with each other and Rei
No villains for the entire first season its just focused on UA, the competitive environment and how Izuku adapts to that and also his blossoming friendships
No Toga Ochako foil, there’s no reason for them to be foils sans ‘girl’. Idk develop that one gas villain (Mustard?) or whatever and have him be Ochako’s foil
Give Toga a proper character about self identity or whatever instead of just that love bullshit, idk she can foil someone else, I like villain hero foils but Ochako Toga was not it for me
The first villain the UA kids would fight is Stain. This isn’t just bc the Stain arc is one of my personal favorites, but I think it would be a cool transition between a mainly school focused 1st and partially 2nd season that would mainly worldbuild and get us into hero society and graducally exposing the flaws in that society. Given the LoV are basically just a bunch of people who are the result of the cracks in hero society I think it would be a nice seguway
Also Iida Tensi should actually be a corrupt hero.
Stain Iida parallels!!
Aizawa is actually forced to realize he’s a shitty teacher and has to undergo a character arc to be nicer to the people around him and realize that trauma does not make people stronger, it didn’t for him and it won’t for his students
Midnight is given development as a mentor and hero beyond boob jokes and dying
Also, like... if you want to make Mineta a character people don’t want to see die the second he’s on screen just have him gradually grow out of being so perverted?? Like a joke here or there is okay I guess but as the series goes on he should also get development lmao
Significantly more of 1A and 1B should be from hero families. Nepotism baybee.
More focus on some of the topics in heroism set up earlier in the series, like how heroes are paid based on who gets credit for taking down a villain and things like public image and charisma and how that allows for more corruption to fester
Either develop Aoyama more and make us care about him or make someone else (ie Ochako, refer back to my ‘why Ochako should have been the UA traitor post) the traitor who we actually care about
Keep Izuku analyzing quirks jesus fuck let him think instead of just be a plot device
More worldbuilding in general tbh
Let at least some of 1A ultimately become vigilantes after realizing the system is corrupt and made to benefit the people in power and heroes in this world are just functionally superpowered cops and that’s not the right type of system to see as morally infallible- *I am shot and killed by Horikoshi*
There’s more but I’m tired, please add at your wish
104 notes · View notes
strqyr · 1 year
Text
the thing about "are you okay/alright?" as a question is that it's pretty straightforward to answer. it's a 'yes' or 'no' question; either you're okay, or you're not. but that's also its pitfall: saying 'yes' when you're actually okay is incredibly easy, it's one word and there's no reason to lie or avoid answering to someone who's clearly concerned about your well-being, so when the answer isn't 'yes' but it isn't a 'no' either... well...
absence of a 'no' isn't a 'yes', ya know?
that's really the thing with ruby; she never told her team she was fine. she either ignored the question, something else happened to catch everyone else's attention, or they straight up said "maybe we shouldn't worry about home right now, we got enough problems to—" when that's clearly weighing on ruby's mind.
it's like what weiss said: ruby felt like she couldn't talk about her problems to them. and it's not hard to see why, especially when the one time in the ever after she aired her frustrations and was met with "you don't really mean that" instead of understanding.
( and before anyone gets ahead of themselves: no, this isn't about blaming wbyj for all of ruby's problems; it's about understanding why things got to this point and why even good intentions may have unfortunate consequences )
this whole situation, how they should have gotten past the "are you okay?" question to address the obvious problem at hand, is perfectly laid out in the first episode with weiss.
blake and ruby ask her about what happened after they fell, if anyone else fell too, to which weiss' answer was that no, she doesn't know if anyone else fell, that they should focus on finding others first before going over everything, after a beat of silence. it's only when they find yang and this exchange happens that weiss breaks:
weiss: i sort of thought you'd be a little happier to see us. yang: i am... it's just... it must have gone pretty bad, huh?
it's the admission, saying the quiet part out loud, that does it. there's no hiding behind "hey let's focus on this another thing first" or anything like that. and that's exactly what ruby needed, someone else seeing her avoiding answering the question and telling her that she's clearly not okay and that this is the time to stop and talk about it, the rest can wait. but it never got to that point bc something else always came up, even after ruby snapped and it became so very obvious to everyone else that she wasn't okay.
112 notes · View notes