#it totally doesnt make me so happy then rip me apart

[orangewsunglasses]

no im not still thinking about how dazai was comfortable enough to show he was actually worried abt that shit around chuuya leave me alone

#i hate skk #i totally mean that #it totally doesnt make me so happy then rip me apart #you dont know what youre talking about #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bungou gay dogs #soukoku #skk #bsd skk #bsd chapter 114

[anonymityisfunwriter]

Hi, i want to start this by saying i absolutely love your work and you are one of the few writers i would trust to write this request. Recently i experienced whats called chemical pregnancy. A chemical pregnancy is a pregnancy that usually doesnt make it past about the first 2 months of pregnancy. I miscarried at 5 weeks, the night after i found out i was pregnant. It was an unplanned and frankly unwanted pregnancy due to multiple reasons so its a conflicting situation for me. I was wondering if you could write a fic with Bf!Bucky where reader has to tell Bucky about the situation (minus the unwanted part but still unplanned) and he comforts her and her unusual and confusing (due to the circumstances) grieving process. I would really appreciate this fic as this is something that has been really hard for me but please do not feel pressured to write this if it makes you uncomfortable. <3

Hi,

First and foremost, I am so very sorry. Regardless of the situation, this must be so incredibly difficult for you.

Thank you for trusting me with something like this, I can really only hope I do it justice or offer you the smallest amount of solace or distraction. Please let me know if you need anything or if I can pray for you or simply send you some good thoughts and love. My inbox is always open.

And if you are just apart of my usual audience, this is NOT part of the Grumpy x Sunshine series or any of my usual series, please heed the content and trigger warnings, while there is nothing graphic in this fic, there are some very heavy themes.

Proceed with caution.

CW/TW: Discussing child loss/miscarriage, pregnancy, and other related content

--

A Different Type of Grief

Grief.

Grief was familiar.

This was an entirely different type of grief.

It settles in the depths of your bones. Wrapping around your ribcage like a python. Not necessarily suffocating you, but just constricting enough that you felt the pain with every breath.

Every single breath was a reminder.

There were moments that you weren't sure what you were actually grieving.

An idea of a future that you didn't know you wanted quite yet. Of a person that you didn't know. A person you would now never get to know.

You'd known for less than a day.

Admittedly, the little pink plus sign was a surprise.

You never would've known if it weren't for the fact that you had to take a pregnancy test before changing birth control.

You highly doubt you would've known anything was wrong otherwise. Knowing that, makes it all the more painful.

That one day was filled with the most heightened emotions you'd ever known.

First, intense surprise. Followed by intense anxiety. And then, complete, total, unbridled happiness.

You suppose that it only made sense that this suffering was also intense. Unimaginable. Unfathomable.

When you found out, Bucky's return was still 48 hours away, but you were already planning on how you could tell him the second he got back.

You'd talked about the possibility of having a family before. And while this would be deviating from the plan you talked about before, it was still something you both ardently wanted.

You had so many ideas on how to tell him the joyous news.

You had not a single one for how to tell him this.

For the 24 hours that you knew, you spent it reimagining the future you thought you wanted. You dove in head first, embracing it in spite of all the reservations and reasons that you once held.

Chemical pregnancy. Those were really the only words that you heard. Just like that, your new future was gone, ripped away like it was nothing.

The last 24 hours were something that you would not wish upon your worst enemy, a suffering too terrible to name.

Your heart clenched every time you thought about it. About taking that away from him like it'd been taken from you. The idea of being parents. The excitement that would build over those nine months. It hurt.

It hurt so much you didn't know how your bones hadn't crumbled under the pressure.

"Doll, I'm back," Bucky announces. You wince when you hear his voice echo down the hall. Normally, you'd be waiting for him or you'd bound into his arms and showering him with affection the moment he opened the door. He frowns at the peculiarity, ambling into the apartment with his duffle bag in hand. "Doll?"

He finds you in the kitchen, obsessively cleaning and rearranging one of the spice cabinets. "Doll?"

You can't bring yourself to look at him, instead, you hyper fixate on the cabinet. Barely sparing Bucky an acknowledgement, you mumble, "Hi."

"Is everything okay?"

No, you think to yourself, none of it was okay.

You fervently shake your head, "No. This is wrong, it's all wrong!"

In spite of the last 24 hours you spent obsessively cleaning your apartment from top to bottom, you sweep the first row of spices with your hand. They scatter and smash all over the pristine floor.

Bucky jolts at the shock of the abrupt action, "Can you please talk to me? You're scaring me a little bit."

You look down at your shoes, the same ones you'd worn for the last 24 hours, not having changed once since the doctor uttered those awful words, now covered in little shards of glass.

Bucky steps to the side of you, the sound of glass crunching underneath his shoes not even registering in his mind.

Your eyes remain downcast, still staring at the floor. Your eyes flicker over to his boots. "We should stop wearing shoes in the house."

"Can you please talk to me? What's going on? Did something happen?" Bucky desperately pleads, trying to catch your eye.

You side step him, walking to the front door to place your shoes on the shoe rack, quietly murmuring, "We really should stop wearing shoes in the house."

Bucky trails right behind you, slightly disturbed by the zombie like state in which you were operating.

"What's-" he trails off, his eyes flickering to a white card on the coffee table.

On it, a small cartoon stork is carrying a little bundle in its beak.

His sharp gasp stops you in your tracks.

You squeeze your eyes shut, striding over to the table as quickly as you can to get rid of the reminder.

"I'm sorry, I meant to throw this away," you blankly mutter, taking the card you made for Bucky off the table.

"Can you please just sit down and talk to me? Are you- Are we?"

You turn back to him and it doesn't take him much to deduce the answer from your glassy eyes and the pained look on your face. "No, we're not. Not anymore."

"Not anymore," Bucky quietly repeats to himself.

Hearing him repeat the words hits you like a ton of bricks. You feel yourself unravel, no longer able to push away the unimaginable.

"I'm - I'm so sorry," you apologize, your voice cracking as you feel yourself dissipate into a puddle of tears.

Unlike the last 24 hours, this time, Bucky is there to catch you. He braces his arms as you crumble into him. You feel your knees give out and suddenly, he's the only thing holding you up, only thing holding you together.

You clutch his shirt, balled up in your fist like it's your lifeline.

"It's okay," he promises, stroking the back of your head as you sob into his shoulder. Even as tears burn and well in his eyes, he focuses on the heart ache you must be feeling. "It's okay."

"I didn't do anything wrong," you brokenly whisper.

"Oh, I know, I know you didn't," Bucky consoles you, embracing you as tightly as he can. The two of you holding onto each other as you both fought the urge to swim down into the sea of despair. "It's not your fault."

"I didn't do anything wrong," you swear over and over again.

"It's okay. We're gonna be okay," Bucky promises.

AnonymityIsFun Masterlist

General Taglist: @ludicbouquetfromearth @famousbreadcherryblossomsstuff @geminigengar @@melsmelsmels @ecolle @ybflkmj @mediocre-daydreams @thegirlnextdoorssister @toomanyfanficsbruh @mirikusashes @infamouslyclumsy

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[ecoamerica]

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[blood-injections]

i really want to know what Dr benzedrine's reaction is to seeing funsandkid love fighting (assuming that they do that because I haven't read all of ur funsandkid posts yet)

Yeah funsandkid totally fights but its more for fun and just adrenaline versus the usual funkobra fighting for pent up whatever for sanity etc. The three of them are their own little fight club idk if I'll ever get to writing anything about it but they'd try keeping it secret from Benz because. Doctor and sorta leader of the suitehearts they all think he'd be pissed bc they're unnecessarily hurting eacother or whatever even though they never go too far its just scrapes and bruises at the end of the day and an occasional black eye or split lip or something. Very rarely do they get seriously hurt aside from ghoul accidentally breaking kobras nose once. I also think benz wouldn't like kobra that much like hed be thick as theives with jet star i bet bc they have a medic/tired mom kind of bond. Anyway i think kobra gets sandman into racing and benz doesnt like kobra for that bc it means. I mean hes like its a hobby cool sandman needs more hobbies. He just doesn't like it bc its kobra and bc sandmans away from base more often its just best freind jealousy yknow hed used to fighting alongside sandman and them being super close but now kobra and ghoul are getting all the attention. But eventually like kobra and ghoul are around all the time and eventually hes just indifferent hes used to their bullshit he dosnt hate kobra hes just annoyed by him at worst. When he learns they like to fight eachother he isnt pissed like they think like he gives them a lecture but ultimately his reaction is just like. A heavy sigh and a "fine" yknow. Like i said hes used to their shit and hes not happy that theyre beating eachother up but he can see they clearly have like a system about it and make sure bot to go too far and take care of eachothers wounds if theres any so hes like as long as you dont waste our medical supplies i dont give a shit just dont concuss eachother.

BUT. If its the Dr Frankenstein Dr Benzedrine and frankenghoul thing im building, he would have a muchh different reaction because if ghouls his creation hed have a love hate relationship with it like any like parent and their kid hed hate that ghoul maybe didn't turn out exactly how he wanted like not being like him or hed hate that ghoul hates him because ghoul Would hate him, he'd have a sense of loyalty to benz and feel like he owes him it but also hed hate benz for like. Dude you literally made me alive but you wont let me like go be a person or do half these things fuck you. Because yeah benz is super protective of him. In this case ghoul would have a ton of pent up anger and sandman would be sympathetic with his needs to like fucking live and would sneak him out to have fun behind benz back and then theyd meet kobra and in this case if benz found them sneaking off to party or whatever, let alone fighting eachother for fun, hed freak the fuck out cause hes so protective of ghoul and hed yell abt them putting it in danger and risking ghouls health and shit becaue like. He made ghoul and hes scared ghoul could be unmade basically. Hes scared bc hes a crazy mad scienist and grafted different peoples body parts together or whatever and hes scared of ghoul literally falling apart at the seams but like ghouls tougher than benz thinks he is and maybe he'll see that eventually, but at the moment hed be pissed at them all and hed like try to keep ghoul and sandman separated and hed ban them from seeing kobra, which yknow it just makes them all hate him more rip and totally leads to ghoul fucking running away and joining the fab four and sandman probably fucking off to stick with his boyfriends and it totally makes the crews have a rivalry and shit until they all talk it out and forgive eachother, to their extents

#funsandkid #benzedrine's monster

[yuukei-yikes]

any thoughts on remind blue?

currently, it is my favorite kagepro song (this changes like every week but i digress...) and i really want to make a pv for it but i lowkey have no idea where to start

your analysis/ramblings on things is really interesting to read and see, so also just wanted to let you know that i love all the content you post!! :D

I LOV remind blue. like every kagepro song makes me want to rip my face off ♥️♥️♥️ but this one is one of those that make me feel so strongly that i cant listen to it ♥️♥️♥️ cuz i do that btw. i cannot listen to kagepro songs without preparing myself emotionally and it has to be when i am alone in my room. i could never listen to them in public. that'd be weird. im drawing and suddenly a kagepro song comes on in my playlist and im like this is so fucked up who put this here (<- i did)

songs like summertime record, lost day hour, remind blue and ayanos theory of happiness specifically i basically never listen to because it causes something in me both mentally and physically. im normal though.

TOTALLY support the idea to make a pv!!! i wouldn't know how to start either tbh💔 who would u make it be sung by?? like the song is so good but for the lyrics im like meh like str is already a thing. idk it sorta has the same vibe. its like summertime record and lost day hour's lyrics had a little baby together. which is why i always liked to interpret it as a haruka song but fuck it ig its shintaro's.

i also liked the idea of it being seto's or hibiya's. i think they'd deserve a song like this, especially hibiya!! tho for hibiya the whole "adult" thing is different LOL and even seto, he's just 17... ive always loved haruka being the punchbag for the "im an adult wtf" feeling because he goes from living his whole life thinking he will die and then he doesn't. or well he DOES die but then comes back, and suddenly he finds himself with his whole life ahead. like haruka and his early 20s crisis abt i did NOT think id be alive this long and now i gotta deal with everything those feelings bring me but at the same time i have to pay rent and worry abt what to make for dinner soooo erm fine ig. that's also what i think lost day hour is about, i know jin describes it more like a song abt old friends but girl idk it rly only has a couple lines abt that as opposed to all the rest of the song... erm. what was i talking about again.

i just think it was rly funny how we were all like ok remind blue uses "boku" so it's seto kano hibiya or haruka (or konoha). and then jin was like hehe. shintaro♥️ SHINTARO DOESNT EVEN USE BOKU whatever im pretty sure he also said it can fit anyone and its more a general mekakushi dan song. but tbh so is summertime record sooooo. sorry im sidetracking a lot

i dont particularly care for remind blue so much (LIKE THE SONG SLAPS im still talking about lyrics) bc it's very heavy on the shit abt like growing distant and stuff sortof??? like kagepros ending/str is implied to have the mekadan not grow apart but kinda do their own thing while still meeting to hang out, bc kagepro is also about growing up and with growing up comes maybe growing distant from these friends you love, but they will always be important and one of a kind in ur life and when u meet its like time hasnt rly passed between you. not to mention the whole thing about combining eyes and how all the snakes will always end up gathering by the queen no matter what, meaning the dan will always be bound to make their ways back to each other no matter what, and are connected to one another by the literal narrative that theyre all actually sort of aware of a little bit (they always refer to their tragedy as a "story"..kagepro is a little meta lol). and like that's all so beautiful but also fuck it. they all meet for pizza nights every week. erm. the passage of time am i right

ALSO TY FOR READING MY POSTS:///3 I LOVE KAGEROU PROJECT A NORMAL AMOUNT AND IM A NORMAL PERSON

#ask tag #kagenalysis #a little bit ig idk

[astranne]

I just looked at your xiao brainrot list and cracked the hardest smile ever. I did not know i was the stone for so many things

But aaaaaaaanyways im in a brainrot mood 🙏 so! PG!Xiao making a comeback

I dont know much about Valorant, because mainly id cry if someone yelled at me but PG!Xiao would 100% get pissed if someone isn't carrying their weight in the match or trash talking on mic and STILL low on the board. Atp PG!Xiao and like two other people are carrying.

PG!Xiao in a CoD match? Id leave so fast. Immediately. I can see him being insanely good with close quarters. He probably always ranks at the leaderboard. Bro got a badge of damn honor for the amoubt of wins he has

Him in a fortnite match? He says "he doesnt take fortnite serious because of the kids and wanna go easy" till hes the last one alive and he's clenching his mouse and practically stopped breathing to focus on winning. I can, without a doubt see him always running solo natches no matter what. And he limits himself on what he buys because "its a stupid game ill delete it later" and "its a waste of money" then buys the newest pickaxe skin.

Pg!Xiao in minecraft. (The screech made me laugh) He would 100% have a hardcore world thats NEARLY on par with PhilZa's. He respects that man too much to actually showoff his building skills and calls it an insult to humanity when someone compares him to Phil. Forbid you say hes better than Phil hes immediately chewing them out.

PG!Xiao on DreamSMP? I haven't been caught up with that in like a good year honeslty, but ill use what i know. Xiao would 100% have underground tunnels connecting to important places and such. He probably knows everything that goes on, on and off streams. Bro's usually spotted in the background just watching with his stream off which makes it creepier (he claims to see how good they are at pvp and if they can even fight him). For the MCC Championship. God he treats it so casually. Hes calm and collected but each time hes first somewhere hes dying inside because he's mortified of the expectations.

Horror game? Oh my god, he collapses when Hu Tao mentions a game and tells him to stream it ("Xiao itll be funny if you scream like you that time-" "It was one time!") she drags Childe along (the fans loving named them the Ragdoll Trio because Childe practically looses his voice when he screams at a jumpscare, Hu Tao laughs so loud, and Xiao inching around every corner) and makes it worse.

PG!Xiao with his setup tho? Probably green and light blue hues? Ik. If Xiao was a faceless streamer his entire fanbase would LOVE his yaksha mask and he secretly adores it when younger fans makes him fanart. (Dont tell anyone but when they send him fanart he keeps it on a wal behind his camera/monitor so his fans wont see it and he can always feel motivated)

Also, the hater thing? Xiao's fans would absolutely without a single doubt turn from the sweetest most welcoming fans into the most rude and vile fandom on a drop of a hat. Even Xiao gets surprised when drama is brought up within the community or with another because his fans are so... a word doesnt describe how he feels when he sees them ripping apart someone for saying he cant beat a certain streamer (the tiktok comment ratio to likes is always reaching a thousand or more)

-🪶(if i spelt anything wrong my bad its 5am where i live🫶)

damn, fischl anon blessing us again-

as always, more under the cut <3

pg!xiao just hits different. just yeah-always happy he's making a comeback lmao xD

actually, i don't know much about valorant either, but i know xiao would carry his team. and yes, you are totally right- if someone is being an ass, you bet xiao will not hold back. not when his rank is at risk lmao

xiao in CoD is a monster (he's actually a monster in any game he touches but especially CoD). you bet he's actually first known for that, like the really geeky gamers just watch his CoD streams to watch him play and try and get some tips. but then they notice how he slays literally everywhere else and suddenly they are his fans <33

and i don't know much about CoD either, but you bet he's probably one of the best known players there. once you see his name pop up, you know you're fucked

xiao plays fortnite just to spite the kids <3. he will buy all skins to spite all the little brats there <3 he will be the last man standing just to spite everyone <3 and no one can convince him to stop. just- spiteful!xiao-

my days of watching minecraft streamers goes waaay back, so i don't know that many, but even i know the legend. so does xiao. and xiao looks up to this man, i can't even. all of his fans are also PhilZa fans, just because. if you stand xiao, you stan his idols too. many pray for a collab, or just the two of them playing together, but they still have to pray.

i must admit- i know just the barest scraps about DreamSMP. i don't really follow many youtubers, i don't have the time for that even tho i wish i would have. but yes- xiao is all knowing. they actually fear him, since he's so calm and just... so chill?? it doesn't help he's an absolute monster but yeah-

it's actually his fans and mods who snitch to him where everyone is. he has a team of spies (because yes he has) and they have mod roles, but are actually not mods. this helps him when he reads the full chat he always has to get his information. but sometimes it's still too fast and they just,,, spill everything in his discord server, probably whispering in vc where his enemies are. it's the best guarded secret in his fandom, you bet his fans will get feral when someone tries to spill.

RAGDOLL TRIO, RAGDOLL TRIO- yes. the one and only trio. everytime he streams with them, he always reaches super high numbers and those best of moments videos on youtube always gain millions of viewers. hu tao is super proud of that and always reposts them, while childe probably owns one of the most known fan accounts of the ragdoll trio. he just loves to edit himself <3

also, xiao is blessed with his fans. he feels so honored how they defend him but actually kind of fears them too lmao. he just prays he will never make them mad. (xiao darling, you could never-)

OKAY THAT'S IT- aaahh this was so fun?? thank you sm for sending your thoughts my dear anon <33 maybe one day i will write gamer!xiao fr. maybe when my askbox is no longer so full-

#genshin impact #xiao #genshin xiao #genshin brainrot #xiao brainrot #modern au xiao #gamer xiao #✨ star dust #⭐️ 🪶.star #🌚 knowing moon

[livecharliereaction]

Ill probably make charumiq2 for next ep for easier navigation for meeee But yeah thats done now thats um aaahahahha

- bernkastel showed up i am so happy. YAY! So many mentions of this lambdadelta i kind of thought shed be satoko somehow but im not seeing it rn well see when she shows up

- i rly hope the witches wont stay as only ????? characters n get weaved into the main story but guess what im like 100% sure thatll happen at least somehow but i dont know how. Miss bern said shed help me YAYYY! So nice of her

- i can rly see what ppl mean when they say it starts slow though it wasnt a problem for me bcs i liked the characters in the family already but i can totally see it being a problem for someone else Bcs like i knew theres witches. So theres the whole "ooh u think itll be a regular murder mystery but its fantasy" "is there a 19th person ooh" Well that just doesnt happen at all. However smth ive been noticing about wtc that although theres always secrets and thus always reveals theres SO MANY mysteries that the story doesnt rly lose THAT much if u know smth (But its still important to me that i get to know things in the order the author wants me to like in general so spoilers r still being crazy avoided...)

- i had the theory that beatrice was very young when kinzo met her and was traumatized by his "love" and then died and her spirit is sort of haunting the mansion but its not entirely clicking what that would be so im ditching it for now

- i know tea party and ????? cant be taken tooooooooo seriously but theyre the main reason i dont think that anymore See Im kind of doubting the existence of a human beatrice altogether. Sure bernkastel was kinda rikaing around but it seems too complicated to compare it to that so no way

- I still cant forget lambdadelta sharing some resemblance to satoko (from the shit that i saw BEFORE i was avoiding spoilers Im talking very very slight like rly just hair n eye color) but i feel like we wont see her in the next ep at all. Im imagining (hoping) each ep might have a new witch in it. I cant imagine the gold thing going all the way through 8 eps so... (Bcos What riddle takes that long.)

- Favs r still maria and natsuhi from the human side at least Like that didnt change. And i doubt it would I also like jessica a lot i do

- motherhood goes crazy Natsuhi and Jessica i could die and also marias lack of motherly love rips me apart

- Im very curious about the physics of this though or i mean like What now? Are we going back in time? If so how much????? Im kinda imagining its just kinda similar all over again but with different sacrifices each time but the ways that can be done r hmm. Someone else might try to do as the epitaph says and thus killing people but yeah.

- Not to be battler but if ep1 were to actually be a humans doing itd be maria (u know) natsuhi (absolutely not sorry for even saying it queen but she was running around w the rifle and all and had a lot of control over some situations) or kinzo (its easiest to believe that corpse wasnt really Him out of the corpses The toe thing isnt convincing to me but theres the problem of Ok whose body is it charlie? and i wouldnt know)

- Excited and baffled it was 12 hrs i feel like i started it what maybe this week idfk School starts again so i have to slow down the pace but thats ok...

- I thought the role of "the witchs messenger" might change too but i kind of hope its just marias job each time i liked the way she did it shes so fun

- no clue abt the rules of this world yet but im excited bcs theyre spelling it out to Think about it so u know it wont be obvious I dont even think i Can make a good guess rn

- natsuhi save me

#charumi1

[dream-a-little-longer-1]

Hey there! I've been stalking your account for awhile and i love your writing! I want to ask specifically for an extra angst Albert fic, up to you whether the ending will be good or bad. Thank you and have a nice day✨

Hello!oh im happy you finally reached out! ( ꈍᴗꈍ)

Oh im a pro at writing angst!but im not fan of sad endings sooo~~

Thanks for ur kind words!I hope i hear more from you!this is super long,so dont forget to tell me how you liked it!!sorry it took a long time,i had to write it carefully!

Enjoy! (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

｡*ﾟ｡*.✧｡*ﾟ｡*.✧｡*ﾟ｡*.✧｡*ﾟ｡*.✧｡*ﾟ｡*.✧｡*ﾟ｡*.

Dig a hole in my heart,make it bleed

Warning : contains spoilers for the manga. heavy angst (for some people it may be heavy),happy ending,no worries

The sound of scratches echoed through the empty hallways.

One line

The knife had long gone blunt, barely cutting through the old paint of the wall.

Two lines

His hands hurt.

Three lines

His hands hurt from holding the knife for so so long.

Four lines

He doesnt know how long he'd been staring at the wall,but all he sees are lines lines and lines, decorating the damp walls.

The last line cuts through the rest of them.

Five lines in total

Five more days

Three years have gone by

Albert has been cutting lines all along

The lines kept cutting through the walls,but the feeling of his heart bleeding out was stronger.

Every single cut was a reminder,a cruel,cold reminder of how many days have passed since he last saw his brother,since the last day he held his brother in his arms,felt his warmth,felt his beating heart.

A reminder that William James Moriarty was no longer alive.

Albert was a calm man in the worst situations. Everyone relied on him in chaos,when everything was awful. He was glad, to be honest, that he could provide his friends and family with such thing.

Albert was calm when he understood his brother's plans since he was young. He was calm through every single thing that happened to him.

Albert was calm when he set his mansion on fire. Albert was calm when the police came after him. He sat calmly at every single investigation. He offered them his own wrists,and smiled when Mycroft asked him to rethink everything.

Albert was calm,but his heart was on fire,his whole soul burning down and crumbling to the ground along with his childhood memories. along with his family and friends falling apart.

Albert was calm when they told him William is dead.

Albert broke down when he finally sat in the empty tower alone.

The feeling of loneliness clawed at his heart, ripping open his chest as choked gasps tore their way out of his throat,as the reality finally crashed down on him.

William was dead.

His brother was dead.

Albert was once again,all alone.

He didn't bother to get up from where he was kneeling on the ground, knowing fully well that his legs will give out with the smallest try. So he kneeled on the cold floor,the stone so uneven and rough that kept cutting through his pants. But Albert didn't even flinch, welcoming the pain with open arms, knowing it will be the only thing that'll keep him company for the rest of his life. The pain was a cruel reminder that he was alive,and William wasnt.

Bearing some pain was the smallest price he could pay after all.

He mourned and mourned until his body could no longer bear it. He fell asleep on the cold floor that night.

And the nights after.

The only thing that calmed his mind,was the thought of you being safe. That was the only thing that kept him sane.

Before he left,left to burn everything down with the promise of never seeing his family like that again,he made sure that everyone would take care of you. Not that you needed protection,no. But it was just something to ease his mind in the abyss that awaits him. Albert would burn the world just to protect you,and he would gladly walk through hell all alone to hear your carefree laughter once more... (He tries,hard to not think of your tear stained face as he was taken away... because that would be what ends him for real.)

Three years pass by,and Albert is all alone.

Loneliness is no longer a bother to him, its something he cherishes after all thats happened. He no longer cries himself to sleep on the floor,uses the wooden bed thats in the corner of the room. His chocolate brown hair is longer than usual,it would've been even longer if he hadn't cut them with the dining knife he received one time with his food. Albert is calm once more,and his heart doesnt feel so heavy anymore.

His emerald green eyes though?have long lost their usual light,so dull that they appear to be dark green, almost black than the bright color they used to have.

Its the anniversary of the day everything happened. Albert has been awake since the wee hours of the dawn, staring outside the window for so long and watching the sunrise with a faint smile that didnt reach his eyes,and sat there until his eyes began to hurt and he felt exhaustion fill his tired body. He slumped further into the chair, leaning his face against the cold window and closed his eyes in hope to pass the day without having to open them again.

So when the door to his room creaks open,he makes no move to acknowledge it. Maybe they had bring him food,or a change of clothes. He didnt know,nor he did care.

"Nee-San?"

Ah...he thought he's well passed hallucinating William's voice,calling out to him. But fuck,he was tired and the voices were back...

"nee-san,can you hear me?

Albert smiles;his voice was too real,too fresh...his heart starts beating agaisnt his ribcage so hard that it hurts. But he know better than to hope,than to open his eyes to a reality where nothing was anything but a cruel nightmare. So he closes his eyes,and listens to the soft sound of birds chirping. That was until a gentle hand lands on his shoulder.

Albert jolts from his sit,his legs shaking and and his hands moving to do something, anything to get the ghosts of his past away from him,until his eyes land on you.

"Albert,honey,can you hear me?"

He reaches his hand out, putting a shaky palm agaisnt your wet cheek, feeling himself shaking harder as your warmth seeps into his skin.

"Albert,darling,say something."

He shakes his head and when his eyes fill with tears,he realizes someone else is in the room as well. His vision is blurry,but he knows who it is. He can recognize him even if he was blind,deaf and mute.

He could recognize his brother miles away.

"William?"

His voice cracks, and he finds himself kneeling on the floor like the first night there. He lets out a choked sob,and as you pull him in your arms, Albert rests his forehead on your shoulder and cries for first time in three years.

"shhh," you say, rubbing his back, "its gonna be alright again...we got you sweetheart,your suffering is over.."

Albert hiccups,and looks up at his brother. William tries for a small smile,his single eyes shining with unshed tears. Albert breaths in your scent,his heart aching as he figures how much he'd missed it.

He takes a deep breath and buries his face in your neck. He feels you drop a single kiss to his messy hair,and for the first time in three years,he feels himself relaxing,being able to breath.

"its gonna be alright."

And he believes it. He believes you.

Three years of suffering has ended, he's in your arms again,and has his brother back.

Reality doesnt seem so cruel anymore. Albert looks up at from where he's sitting at the sky outside the window and smiles;the sun burns brighter than any other day. He knows his future will be the same.

Albert nods,once,and turns to smile at both of you.

"yeah,its gonna be ok."

And he believes it.

He believes in you.

#moriarty the patriot x reader #moriarty the patriot fanfic #ask #albert james moriarty x reader #moriarty the patriot

[kadssp-main]

idk if you remember how i look but i can send you through disc if you're comfy!

other than that, i'm 5'2 i like the color pink and i like shitposts LMAO i'm not sure what to say about me? i guess i've been an honor student since junior high,,, i like taking in random hobbies every year... suffering from the golden child curse T-T i'm a marketing major rn!!

i like praise but i like being talked down to filth HELP i buy a lot of clothes when i can and is more of a cat person than a dog hmmm i love desserts but my stress food is more on the salty side. like making playlists and like graphic design <333

i guess that's it? <333 genshin/tokyorev maybe 0-0 i'm good with any

this is prob so bad my mind has not been working at all today baby

I MATCH YOU WITH !!

kazutora !!

i have not seen tokrev in a bit (so this is prob ooc) because im terrified of the angst waiting for me n e ways.

you two just seem meant to be imo it’s not that hard to imagine you two being the pretty and sexy couple.

he would definitely praise you and degrade you all you want, loves the look in your eyes when he does switch it up and you might catch him smirking over how adorable it is!!

you’re 5’2”? nice he can carry you around your shared apartment then, make excuses to pick you up with his hands dangerously close to your panties while he acts like it’s nothing but knows what he’s doing!

you like cats? deal that’s perfect you can have a lil cat family together :( be parents for the kittens together like a happy lil family because he wants that with you he totally doesnt have a breeding kink

i feel like he’d love making playlists with you?? like it sounds like such a cute thing you two can do, but expect him to make a playlist that’s just filthy songs before he flips you over and the room gets hotter.

he’d def let you buy whatever you want, you like pink? go treat yourself to some pink outfits you want then baby, he doesnt mind and he thinks they look hot on you, something to rip off you later when you get home and offer to just buy you more clothes <3

you cant tell me he isnt just absolutely in love with you, he seems like he’d just melt when you’re alone and kiss your pretty face and play with your dark hair while you play with his<333 such a stress relief for him honestly.

i honestly like to think he likes salty foods more so you like them too?? well you can make some together, stress baking salty foods like the power couple you two are! might make some treats for the kitties too cant help it really especially if you ask him with a cute pout :( then he might bend you over the counter though! what will you do then!

—————————————————

this might honestly be shit and you deserve better than this so im really sorry :( m sick so my brain is fuzzy but i honestly just ship you with kazutora even if i havent been up to date on anything that happens in the manga and dont know his character that much. !hot power couple go!

#{✉️} — kady answers #{✉️} — kadi answers #{🍒} — mutuals #{🍷} — thirsts #{🎀} — ickyism #{💌} — thirsty with kadi #{💌} — thirsty with kady #matchups #tokrev #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader

[funny-house]

huhu u got me to watch opal the other day since u keep talking abt it and im glad bc i Really Enjoyed It but !! anyways , i saw u mention mirror man doing makeup for someone and i keep thinking about it so Thoughts Incoming sorry in advance lmao. i think he would like to do claires makeup (and teach her abt it in general) when she gets a bit older,, both bc it seems like a legitimate hobby he would enjoy (i imagine if he werent Like That he probably could have been a makeup artist or something similar!) and bc he would like to ‘prettify’ her a bit.

and ah well,,, a lot of parents Like Him sometimes try 2 make their child a carbon copy of themselves or of an image they enjoy so if he grew to like claire more or already does like her enough for that (or just, wants things to revolve around him More) hed try to nudge things in that direction. and in his own way i think He might think hes doing something good, he knows when he was her age he would have killed to have a parent so eager to help him learn makeup and stuff but. claire isnt him. she probably isnt even interested in it at all but shes kinda desperate for Nice Moments and also doesnt wanna risk making him angry so she goes along with it. she always has her head in the clouds so all the things hes saying is too much at once but shes trying to comprehend it,,,,,

nd he keeps giggling at her for how awkwardly she moves her arm when putting on foundation and blush nd gets kind of annoyed with her for repeatedly flinching when he tries to help her with mascara nd teases her a bit for trying to taste the lip gloss (and keeps pointing out a flaw or two on her face “well, youve always had a sort of weird shaped face but youve always had the cutest little smile, its like Mine :)”) but they do it !! together !!! and nothing (that) bad happened !!!!!! so claire is happy,,,,,,,,,,, until that inevitably opens the gates of him trying to pick out what she wears for her and “””suggesting””” hairstyles for her and getting manipulative and even flatout Angry when she doesnt do what he wants her to (bc even when things Seem like theyre about claire they Are Not, its what He wants for her , in the end its still all about him) but, ive rambled enough to you already <:o) sorry for talking so much i just wanted to chat a bit abt opal with you !!!! hope ur doing well hehe . and im sorry this is rambly nd probably incomprehensible i just did a lot of work hkehri

ohhhhhhhh !!! FIRST  I am super glad that all my constant rambling about this man has allowed you to go watch Jack Stauber’s awesome little short, it’s really good and deserves all the support !!!

also i totally appreciate you wanting to share your thoughts with me ;u;

AND I TOTALLY AGREE  the whole idea of him projecting himself onto her, trying to take over her, I think that is so fitting for the short itself tbh, because it’s a reflection ( mirrors, hehe ) of what the mother wants from Claire as well. The thing that terrified Claire near the end is the mother reaching to hold onto her, specifically after the mom said that she was going to become just like her. The idea of her becoming her parents? it terrifies her, clearly!!

And Mirror Man, he is what they call a “archetypal narcissistic abuser”, in my eyes at least,  and it would be really really common to see someone like that not only be so controlling and self absorbed that they treat their child like a decoration to themselves, but also use that child, especially as they get old enough to have opinions on the situation, to turn them against their partner-- such as.... the mom

so picture this

Claire is like 10-12, and she’s bright and she’s got a good heart but she’s WELL and truly Affected by the years of being brought up in that ridiculously toxic hell hole-- I mean house no idea if the grandpa would live that long uhhh in his state, but even if he does, he’s still very sick, disabled, and senile and he isn’t going to be much help. and Claire, she’s starting to have Opinions,, on how things are running around here,,      but in swoops Mirror Dad

He’s like........ it’s your mother’s fault. Oh, absolutely, have you seen her? I mean look at her, she’s disgusting. she’s a drug addict, she’s a drunk, she’s ugly, she’s the reason you feel like this-- and maybe some of that is understandable, i mean she’s a real mess of a mom, no mistake, but hey

Nobody’s going to tell Claire who made her that way! Nobody’s going to tell her Mirror Dad was the one who trapped her in an unloving, possibly violent relationship, with a kid, and ripped apart every inch of her self worth !!!

Nope. she just sees the aftermath. So mirror dad...... turns claire on her. And she starts to side with him on things and she starts to even kinda talk like him maybe even....... learns how to do that dark and scary insecurity voice of his and one day She walks by the.... Reflection Chamber and Mirror Man is there in that way He Always Is in that seat he always sits in, and he says something very very odd to her!   he raises a finger and curls it in and says    come sit on my lap you haven’t gotten too big to sit on my lap have you?? come here!! and i mean Claire is still very very uncomfortable even being near him, and this feels like a trap, but i mean she can’t just say no, and there’s a part of her that’s kinda hoping... maybe he really is trying to be nice. and so she does and she sits with her but you’ll notice he is never looking directly at her. Even as she’s approaching literally right in his line of sight, he stares straight into her reflection, never her face.  It’s like she’s not even real unless she’s in those mirrors.

And he tells her he wants to do her makeup! yay! how fun! and he tells her to close her eyes and pout her lips and try not to flinch when the sculpting starts or he’ll use his deep voice-- and how he’s going to finally FIX her. Goody!! then maybe the constant barrage of insults and negs and criticisms will stop!! (p.s. they wouldn’t have )

And so she opens her eyes..... and the face of her abuser is looking right back. It’s her face. Or it used to be-- now it’s literally his and it’s hideous-- it does not AT ALL belong on that body, and the only thing left of her is her big shiny eyes

and she  S C R E A M S that way Claire does,,,

but this time, loud enough to crack the mirrors, and stun the dad just long enough for him not to catch her in his hands when she leaps off his lap and books it for the attic the attic, the view of the billboard with the same worn out, not updated ad for Opal’s in the window. She locks the door, it doesn’t take long for mirror man to come banging on it, telling her she’s ungrateful, she doesn’t deserve what little she has, taking back every nice thing he ever said, etc,,,

and Opal just starts clawing off the makeup/clay/whatever from her face in the mirror’s glass reflection, putting her hair back into the pigtails her father said made her look stupid

but she isn’t Opal, she’s changed, she’s aged, but Opal-- she’s always the same!! happy!! cared for!! and what is she supposed to be under the makeup? huh? Who is she besides the abuse she’s put through, that billboard and what it sells to her?  she doesn’t know! nobody does nobody ever bothered to get to know what it even means to be Claire.

#HAHA. THINGS GOT OUT OF HAND WOOPS-- #tw for..... just... the most depressing bs lmao #mail time !! #Claire #Opal #Mirror Man #Jack Stauber #shrigis

[kewltie]

i,,, had a thought what if izuku thought he couldn't give kasumi the best kind of future for her so when she had just turned two, izuku met up Katsuki's parents at their house and asked them to take care of her and quietly disappeared so katsuki ends up being a new up and coming hero with a baby girl on the side.

kasumi is raised in the Bakugou household and is love fiercely and spoiled atrociously her grandparents, daddy, and his friends. she got everything a girl can ask for but in the back of her head there's a fuzzy memory of green eyed man and his gentle low voice when he called out her name.  she loves daddy above all even when he's being very annoying and overbearing because Kasumi is Daddy's precious princess and very very much like him as everyone says but when she looks in the mirror she sees blond hair, a perfect face and smile that resembles daddy but her eyes are the color of someone's else. Someone who is long gone from her memories, but they live in each breath she take. Live in the green hue of her eyes.

she doesnt know this person name but she know who he is. her other parent, the one who had abandoned her. she thinks he's a coward and weak for giving her up. she hates him so she wants to find him one day and yell at him and tell him that he's horrible HOW COULD HE LEAVE HER?? DIDNT HE LOVE HER?!

Izuku had carried kasumi in his body for ten months and he had her in his arms, giggling and crying, for only 2yrs but he loves her with all he has. when he had handed Kasumi to mitsuki it felt like he was giving away a part of himself because she is his, his most precious treasure. he broke down crying afterward, like he had just ripped out his heart and given it away but he knows katsuki and his family would give her a better future and a happier life than he could ever do. this is for her, he told himself, but it doesnt stop the agonizing pain he felt. the pain never truly stopped even though he had moved halfway across the country so he doesnt give in to the urge to race back and beg the Bakugou to give Kasumi back to him. he can only watch her grow up in the public eyes as the little princess of the new no. 1 hero, ground zero, like a bystander in her life.

kasumi grew up as the darling of the hero community because she was an enigma to the world. A BABY SUDDENLY appearing out of nowhere and to the HOTTEST upcoming hero?? and he had her while he was in high school?! and WHERE WAS THE OTHER PARENT?! a hero single parenting at his age is absurd. it got the nation scandalized and fixated on katsuki and his baby since day one so kasumi heavily grew up under the spotlight and in the public eye. it didn't help that she was terrifyingly clever, beautiful, blunt, and a natural hellraiser just by being bakugou katsuki's daughter.

the public adore her and she kinda mostly tolerate them back because it can't be help that she's so cute and smart that ppl want to pay attention to her (that bakugou’ss arrogance and confident coming out) lol. every move she make and say is always on the news, she doesnt mind it. really. sometimes when she lets herself think about it, she wonder if HE is watching her on TV somewhere in the world. does he see how much she had grown up now? does he love the dress she's wearing? is he proud of her? is he regretting HOW HE COULD LEAVE SUCH A PERFECT CHILD BEHIND? maybe all her achievements (the best in her class, athletics awards, ballet dancing and extracurricular activities she'd picked up and bested everyone else at) is her way of drawing attention to herself, maybe if she's SHOW EVERYONE SHE'S TRULY THE BEST,,, he'll come back to see her one day. the thing is kasumi is perfectly happy with her life. daddy is the best thing EVER and she loves him so, so much because that she never feels like she's a burden or lacking of anything but even his love isn't enough to fill that empty void in her, the 2yrs that she’d spent with that person.

all the while izuku tunes to the TV everyday in hope of getting a glimpse of her somehow, cut magazines and news clippings of her, and keeps track of her life through pieces of reporting because even if he isn't in her life, he wants to know what's going on in it and if she's happy at all. he'd built an entire shrine devoted to kasumi in his bedroom. there are pictures and news/magazine clippings of her on his walls. any mentions of her from katsuki or others, he'll watch the vid over and over again till his eyes are tired and he can repeat it word for word.  

for several years he had watch her from afar, but on her seven birthday, five years since he'd let her go, he was so WEAK with longing that he bought a plane ticket just to see her. EVEN IF IT'S ONLY A GLIMPSE OF HER WILL DO, TO BREATH THE SAME AIR AND HE'LL LEAVE AGAIN. that's all he wanted. izuku in disguise had lurked around the bakugou's household with hundreds of fans and reporters because it's the birthday of the ground zero's most precious PRINCESS and everybody wants a piece of her. izuku should have been in there with kasumi and the bakugous celebrating  her birthday instead of lurking outside like a creep but maybe that's true in another world. not now though.

in this world, he's just some weirdo stalker who obsessed with bakugou kasumi and her daddy as he waits outside to maybe see a glimpse of her at all. then he heard it, kasumi's boisterous giggles as she loudly proclaims she will magnanimously grace her fans with her presence.

"daddy, these people are obviously here for me," she scoffs, talking to an annoyed katsuki as they stroll out to the front yard. "I'll just say hi then i'll come back. stop worrying. you'll get even more grey hair and what will i do if you become uglier?" SHE'S SO BLUNT AND MEAN and izuku wanna cry because that's HIS BABY

he actually didn't even get to see her in person AT ALL because he ran the fuck away as soon as her heard her footsteps coming outside the bakugou's enormous home because he couldn't endure it. he knows if his eyes fall upon her person even once HE'LL BREAK DOWN AND never let her go again!

he can tell kasumi is lively, healthy, and clearly HAPPY with her life because katsuki had done right by her. izuku knew it was the right choice to leave kasumi to him and to hear that evidence so CLEARLY it was a relief and heartbreaking because it means that he was also right that he couldn't give her this. izuku quietly disappeared back to his life, never stop watching kasumi closely and once kasumi turned nine he decided it been long enough and she probably forgotten all about him and no longer caring about the disappointing parent who had abandoned her in a moment of weakness.

izuku moves closer to them. they're finally in the same city after seven years apart but it's not like kasumi nor katsuki knows that he is here at all. he tries to keep a low unassuming profile and promised to himself that he’ll never approach kasumi or katsuki at all. he manages to keep that promise for a year. then kasumi turns ten and HIJACKS katsuki's press conference to declares in front of hundred flashing cameras that, "my daddy is getting old and lonely and i cant be with him always so i'll be on the look out for good spouse for him :3c!" as katsuki roars in the background lol.

izuku was heartbroken in a diff kind of way compare to when he had given kasumi away because this is katsuki and kasumi, the two people he loves the most, finally moving on without him. katsuki will have a new mate and kasumi will have another parent that isn't HIM. he's happy but also very, very sad.

this is where like FATE OR SOME BULLSHIT because izuku managed to avoid the two of them for an entire year but ~things~ happens and he accidentally bumps into kasumi and KASUMI IS TOTALLY CHARMED by this strange quirkless nervous man who looks at her like she's his entire world. shes like ahh,,, maybe i should introduce him to daddy as a potential mate? not knowing that the man she feels an inexplicably drawn/attached to is actually her papa. bakudeku MEETING AGAIN AFTER 10 YEARS and yea, SHENANIGANS, MISUNDERSTANDING, SO MUCH DRAMA and also KASUMI lol

#bakudeku #not!fic #series: re:kasumi #if you're ever curious how re:kasumi came about it's bc of this

[cuddlycryptid]

you know i was wondering if maybe straight people do deserve some rights but i just got back from how to train your dragon 3 and im sad to say i changed my mind :/

#oppress them #why. why did they do that #i just #was that supposed to be meaningful i just #it was just sad like. sad doesnt equal good you know. i dont #and it was SO aggressively straight i could fEEL the homophobia thru the screen #like right...toothless left his best friend who he has spent years (and two movies) being totally dedicated to in a clear human/dog analogy #...for female. because he male. and she female. so they Must #and hiccup making a joke about how relationships are torture haha wow what a FunnyMan!!!!! hiccup would never shut up straighties #they just ripped them apart bc they thoight that would be a deep or good ending or whatever like no it wasnt ahfksjd #good woulf have been if he was offered freedom (and all the dragons) and they chose to stay #and they could have grown older and had kids and been all happy and stuff on New Burk #jUST BC YOU MADE IT A SAD ENDING DOESNT MEAN U SHOULD HAVE #NOBODY WANTED THIS #and to think i almost decided wow maybe straights can produce good media when they went into the hidden world smh #chief hiccup was the only good part dont at me and ofc the wedding was pure #httyd3 #how to train your dragon #hiccup #astrid #toothless #how to train your dragon 3 #the hidden world #grace rambles #gracemadeatumblrpost #httyd

[ambered-glazed-sheep]

Please do go on about Doomslayer and his morals. I'm legit fascinated by him since starting the let's play I'm watching and I'd love to hear your take on him (I know literally nothing about the Doom franchise other than lots of blood and violence against demons and also badass music)

You know, a year ago when my friends asked me 'hey do you wanna play minecraft' and i said 'yeah sure' i would have never thought i would one day have a minecraft sideblog where i get questions about the personality of the main character of a shooter fps game (of all things!) that is known for its incredible violence.

But here you go:

(prepare yourself this has gotten way longer than i thought oh god, and also it has nothing to do with hermits whatsoever. warnings for language and descriptions of violence? and i assume the readmore won’t be working the way i want it to)

Ok so, Doom!

First of all, i know nothing about the old games, and i’ve only seen a minimal amount of Doom Eternal Letsplays. Most of this is based on Doom (2016). 

Ok so we all start out thinking Doomguy! It’s the guy you play in Doom. The hand that hold the gun YOU are shooting demons with. And sure, you can go trough the whole game with that mindset, but that’s boring and we are overthinking fictional characters in this house.

ID software actually managed to give Doomguy/Doomslayer a TON of personality despite him never saying a word, barely any cutscenes to show what he does when you don’t control him (at least in Doom 2016), and not a lot of other characters to interact with despite enemy monsters.

The game just leaves you little hints and snippets and that’s what makes Doomslayer so exciting to think about. Just the right levels between ‘cryptid half-god who never shows emotion and is a player-insert’ and ‘this dude’s got an AGENDA. he has PLACES TO BE’. You are him as you play, but sometimes he makes decisions on his own. But personally, i could never find myself to disagree.

First, you got the intro sequence. 

You got a unknown voice telling you: 

“They are rage. Brutal, without mercy. But you. You will be worse. Rip and Tear, until it is done.”

First of all, YO. WOW. HOLY SHIT.

The scene immediately shifts to Doomslayer waking up. He’s naked, he’s chained down somewhere, theresa SHIT TON of scars littering his arms and hands. First thing HE does, on his own behalf, is ripping off the chains by flexing a little (literal iron chains!!!), smashing a zombies head against the sarcophagus he lays in and completely obliterating said head into a bit of blood (mind you, three seconds after he woke up from a thousands of years long coma!! but we only learn that later), and then promptly gets up, picks up a pistol, and now it’s your, the players turn. This takes like 8 seconds in total. This man means BUSINESS. That’s the first thing we learn.

Second thing that strikes me is the interactions with Samuel Hayden. 

Doomslayer is patient when a computer voice tells him the status of the base. He is patient as he looks at the screens to see what is going on. (a demonic invasion, thats what). But then dear Dr. Samuel Hayden calls. 

Dr. Hayden says “Hi, i’m the boss here, i’m sure we can work together in a way that benefits us both uwu”. Doomslayer immediately grabs the PC screen and pushes it aside. His gesture says, i’m done with this. im sick of this dude. this guy is full of shit. And he’s right! And that after barely hearing two sentences from Hayden!

So the second thing we learn is that he has no time for people trying to exploit him. He hears Hayden, he has a gut feeling that this dude is a little fishy, maybe he just plain doesnt like higher ups and heads of facilities. But we learn that he IS. NOT. going to listen to this man, and his body language makes that very clear without being actually violent against the person (he doesnt destroy the Screen either! just pushes it aside very annoyed. He isn’t mindlessly destroying property here.)

This continues. 

Hayden goes ‘hey maybe don’t destroy that energy source!’ in the few seconds you dont control him, Doomslayer listens. He hesitates. He considers. Then he destroys the thing anyways. Hayden keeps telling him to stop, but Doomslayer doesnt listen. He’s got his own mind!

This was mostly about Haydens Company, the UAC, harvesting hell energy, and hurting people in the process. 

There’s a scene where Doomslayer rides an elevator. Hayden, over the comms, tells him that everyone that has died in the demon attack was a nacessary sacrifice that will bring a new future or some shit like that. the camera pans down to show some poor sods corpse at those very words. Doomslayer cracks his knuckles. he is NOT HAPPY about that, so we know he doesnt like it when human lifes are sacrificed. He destroys the communicator, so he doesnt have to listen to Haydens voice telling him lies and trying to sway him anymore. 

(then he takes out his shotgun, the doors open, metal starts playing and the doom logo is shown, but that’s more about making the player feel epic than showing doomslayers personality,,)

Now i would like to talk about VEGA, the AI that controls the mars facility. 

VEGA occasionally talks to us/the Slayer. He is very straightforward, tells us what to do and why to do it, and is generally very polite. In the story, Doomslayer listens to Vega. 

Now why does he listen to VEGA but not Hayden? 

I think it’s because Hayden tries to get him to do things that just benefit him, and Hayden is very manipulative in his words (or tries to be lol), while Vega just says (if you destroy this thing, that door will open. I think Doomslayer appreciates it when people are honest to him.

And in the end, Doomslayer on his own decides to save a backup of VEGA. VEGA didn’t ask him to, Doomslayer did that on his own. It’s not relevant to his mission, he doesnt need VEGA to go to hell to close portals and whatnot. But he does save him. Why? I think it’s because he cares. Because he’s come to like VEGA. Because Vega didn’t try to manipulate him and screw him over. 

Next up is the Slayers Testament. 

These are a bunch of writings/recordings that you find scattered in the hell levels. (i highly recommend listening to them/reading them, they are metal as fuck and give me such an immense feeling of power bc they are talking about me, the doomslayer)

These testaments were written by demons. They were genuinely afraid of the slayer. 

Quote:

Unbreakable, incorruptible, unyielding, the Doom Slayer sought to end the dominion of the dark realm.

As said, i don’t think these are purely talking about his physical strength. They are talking about his... well, mentality. His Codex. They see him as an unstoppable force. He is incorruptible. Let that sink in. Man walks trough hordes of demons and at no point ever thinks ‘yeah maybe this is a bit much’ or ‘they just keep coming this is pointless’. No. He’s unyielding. (Can you tell how much i love the words in these testaments? It’s just got such a nice ring to it.)

In battle, the Doomslayer is BRUTAL. He tears apart demons, rips their eyes out, all that. He stomps on heads like they’re water balloons and isn’t fazed at all. Nothing stops this man. (except players like me who fall off the map 5 consecutive times, but lets just imagine the doomslayer is actually like he would be if someone played the game perfectly. player skill shouldn’t be considered in my headcanons jahdjhgd) One could even argue he has fun at this, because there are some animations like ripping off a zombies arm and beating the Zombie with it, or feeding a demon it’s own heart.

I feel like that says a lot about his personality as well!

He doesn’t hesitate. He doesn’t doubt himself. He doesn’t question his cause! He fights to get rid of the demons, not just the ones in his way, but every. demon. He will go out of his way to kill more demons. You could either take this as him having fun, or him following his own moral codex to get rid of every demon, or him being a not-quite-human war machine, or wanting to protect humanity from them. 

I would say it’s a healthy mix of all that :D

In older games, there was this whole backstory snippet of him returning to earth, finding that the demons had invaded his planet but also killed his pet rabbit (Daisy), and he then goes onto a 2-game long revenge trip.Take that as you will.

The last thing i would like to mention is this post.

Please watch the video. Doomguy walks trough the rows of random human guards. This is the walk of a man who doesn’t owe them SHIT. Yes, he wants to save humanity. Yes, he cares. But he also knows who he is. He knows what he did, and what he will do. He doesn’t have to justify himself in front of these shady scientists and jerky guards.THEY owe HIM, in fact. This video emits the sheer CONFIDENCE of someone who has walked trough hell multiple times and knows none of these people could even touch him. Yes, he would never kill them. He would not harm humans. But he doesn’t care about making them uncomfortable with his presence, either. He doesnt ask for permission.

(i think by now i am using the exact same words they did in that post. really, its worth the read. i think there’s a lot of repeated things between this post and that post by now but i encourage you to watch that video. its worth it.)

Also, the impact he has on the people in this room! they trip. they walk backwards. they go quiet, stutter. they are intimidated. They know he’s technically here to help and save them, but now, standing in front of them.... just wow. it really puts things into perspective. it tells the player that all the demons that he’s killed, all that the doomslayer has done... its noted. it has an impact. 

I’m not really sure where i’m going with this anymore, but watching those NPCs react to the slayers presence just adds so much more to his character. it tells us how people see him, and boy.... do they see him. 

i think it also ties a lot into how the player is made feel, controlling doomguy. all these head stomping and limp tearing animations, the guns, people being scared, watching doomslayer destroy important equipment from first pirson or pushing open doors or whatever... it just gives me such an immense feeling of power! i can’t even describe it. (...it also has nothing to do anymore with the original question but holy shit did i love playing doom for the sheer atmosphere of it. despite me being horrible at playing.)

(at the end of this i’m realizing that all of this never addressed if doomslayer is happy and content murdering demons, or if he just wants his peace and quiet but can’t help himself every time he sees a demon. i would propose to leave that up to headcanons. mine is a mix of both but in a way that makes it not angsty. like he loves to have his calm moments, but is just as happy to rip some demon’s spine out. probably gets a little itchy and impatient if he hasn’t fought in a while.)

also if you’re interested in game design and way more professional people talking about why doom 2016 is great i reccomend this documentary

...anyways it’s past 1am and this has gotten way out of hand but

tl;dr: the doomslayer is metal as fuck, he has a lot of agenda he is following, and i love him so much

#amber talks #doom #where do i even begin with this? #i wanted to answer this in the morning but that was over an hour ago now #jdakjsdhasdjh i can't help myself theres so much to say about doom!!!! #you asked for this anon #it's just so... *clenches fist* #i forgot of course that the music is pretty much the best thing ever and i've been listening to it SO MUCH while writing litve #everything about this game is designed to make you feel powerful and HOLY SHIT is it working #id software did a great job #i watched a whole documentary on this it was great #...yeah i study 3d stuff this is pretty much in m #my field haha #i've just had all these feelings in me for months and now that someone showed the slightest hint of interest it's all coming out #sorry its so unorganized i tried to at least take one point after the other #now to write another essay on why the slayer and the mandalorian are very alike in some parts but mando is so much softer #(its because slayer has been trough hell and back while mando still has hope in the world) #(i mean mando is a jaded and tough bounty hunter but all that he is doomslayer is cranked up to eleven) #(shush now i said in another essay! go to bed) #(....its not gonna be an essay its gonna be a fanfic and its gonna be great) #(mando is such a softie......) #*pushes my mando/slayer agenda on my side blog as well* ah i see #long post #...very long post #hey i've hit 2k words with this! #....i've written litve chapters that are shorter #EDIT: WAIT FUCK I THINK I MIXED UP THE SECURITY GUARDS LINES WITH A FIC I READ ONCE #or did i gave EX that line in the last ask i answered???? #i'm??? im gonna go to sleep lol

[xsugarysweetsx]

Bam! Im gonna hit you with more various Honoka hcs.

⁃ So when Noka was a baby, neither her dad or Shirou knew what the hell to do with her wings.

⁃ Her first word was "Siro" which was exposed to be "Shirou"

⁃ She would fly around and their dad would make Shirou chase her down.

⁃ When Shirou and Noka were taken in by their uncle, he just slept and let her do whatever.

⁃ Their uncle, also known as Eraserhead, was a very kind guardian

⁃ He went to each of Shirou's ballet concerts, and did Noka's hair for picture day

⁃ If you looked through his search history it would be filled with "how to do a braid for beginners"

⁃ Aizawa bought Noka various art supplies and bought Shirou new shoes whenever they needed them

⁃ Didnt want them to become heroes

⁃ Cause he didnt want to see the two children he practically raised to be hurt

⁃ But because of their ties to All for One, the government forced both of them to become heros to "prove" that they had severed their bonds with All for One

⁃ Shirou's dream was to become a professional dancer and Noka's was to become a professional artist

⁃ And Aizawa was not happy that the two lights in his life were torn from their dreams

⁃ And so Shirou got accepted into the hero program, in class 1-A

⁃ He chose the hero name Shifter

⁃ Cause he could shift into any organic form

⁃ When he got 3rd place at the sports festival, Noka ran around her uncle's apartment screaming with joy

⁃ Noka is literally his biggest fan

⁃ Noka's first friend was a small purple haired boy name Hitoshi Shinsou

⁃ So naturally, she called him Toshi

⁃ And she refused to call him anything else all throughout middle and high school

⁃ Shinsou and Noka have sleepovers all the time and you can't tell me otherwise

⁃ When people would tell Shinsou that his quirk was villainous, Noka would always speak up cause she knew Shinsou wouldnt contradict them

⁃ Noka is always like that

⁃ Speaking up for others and herself. And her smart mouth tends to get her in trouble

⁃ Shinsou would fuss over Noka's wings. Like if they were dirty or a few feathers were out of place, Shinsou would sit her down and fix her wings.

⁃ "Toshi, your inner mom is showing"

⁃ "Its not my fault you cant take proper care of your wings"

⁃ When she told Shinsou about her acceptance into U.A's med course, he couldn't have been prouder

⁃ Noka is actually the one who encouraged Shinsou to train with her uncle.

⁃ But before that lets talk about Noka's time at U.A. so far

⁃ She was first introduced to class 1-A during the first combat training

⁃ Healed everyone who got very minor injuries

⁃ At the USJ attack, Shigiraki deteriorated part of Noka's hip. But her extremely enhanced natural healing abilities stopped the deterioration

⁃ So she has this big ass scar on the back side of her left hip

⁃ She wanted to absolutely murder Shigiraki for letting the Nomu loose on her uncle

⁃ But she doesnt have any damaging fire power

⁃ So she just tried to heal her uncle's wounds the best she could

⁃ Nearly gets herself killed many times with her smart assery

⁃ And gives everyone around her a heart attack in the process

⁃ During the sports festival, she helped RG heal all the students

⁃ Reprimanded Deku for overusing OfA

⁃ Oh yeah, she learned about AfO and OfA from her time with All for One

⁃ Is kind of like to Deku like Recovery Girl is to All Might

⁃ So fast foward to the internships

⁃ She interns with another oc of mine, Snow

⁃ Who is a healer but with incredible attack powers

⁃ Coincidentally, Noka was patrolling Hosu when the nomus hit

⁃ She recieved Deku's distress signal and ran to the scene

⁃ She didnt attack the hero killer, but ran to help Native and made sure he didnt bleed out

⁃ The hero killer didnt bat a single eye at her, deeming her not a threat

⁃ In the end, she didnt harm Stain so her hero guardian? didnt have to take any blame for her actions

⁃ Noka however did get nearly ripped in half by a nomu, so she had to stay in the hospital with Todo and Deku

⁃ So— Summer training arc

⁃ She just looked at her class and said "fuck this" and flew over the whole forest

⁃ She actually beat the wild wild pussycats back to the camp

⁃ She got to know Kota, telling him how she never wanted to become a hero

⁃ Kota may or may not have developed a kiddie crush on her 😳

⁃ But anyways, when everyone else saw her all nice and refreshed, needless to say they were upset

⁃ Some more than others

⁃ *remembers Bakugou nearly blowing off Noka's face because she cheated*

⁃ Aizawa just smirking at his niece cause shes so much like her mother

⁃ "DAMMIT TAKAHASHI. YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE YOU CHEATER"

⁃ "They said to use our quirks. Its not my fault your quirk is too grounded"

⁃ "WHAT— YOU WANNA FIGHT—"

⁃ "No I wanna eat, goodbye—"

⁃ Focuses on her attack and the healing capabilities of her quirk

⁃ Let me set the scene

⁃ At the beginning of UA, our Noka could barely heal up a small cut

⁃ But now, she can close up major wound with little to no effort

⁃ P r o g r e s s people

⁃ N e ways

⁃ So when they do the haunted quirk thingy

⁃ Hairi and Noka are paired up, to their delight

⁃ But they aren't able to go into the forest before the attack happens

⁃ Apparently, the league came for Bakugou and Noka

⁃ Cause the "master" wanted his first nomu to return to him

⁃ But all Deku knew was "they are after Kacchan and the master's first Nomu"

⁃ Nobody knew who the first nomu was except for Noka

⁃ See, AfO took and gave Noka various quirks, eventually ending up with her current quirk(s)

⁃ Eventually, Noka is cornered by Dabi

⁃ His fire power vastly out matches hers

⁃ But she puts up one hell of a fight

⁃ And Kurogiri took her before she woke up and fought back even more

⁃ So everyone was panicking when they couldnt find Noka

⁃ Aizawa was panicking them most

⁃ His precious niece was missing, no, taken by the league

⁃ The students had never seen their teacher so frazzled

⁃ The thing that broke Aizawa more was the look on Shirou's face when he told him that his baby sister was missing

⁃ His precious baby sister

⁃ His whole world

⁃ Shirou didnt go out of his room for days

⁃ He was there when they were to save Bakugou and Noka

⁃ All Might fought AfO, and won

⁃ But there was no sign of Noka

⁃ Shirou nearly tackled Bakugou, demanding, no, more like pleading for him to tell him where she was

⁃ Bakugou merely said "She's gone, and I dont know where she went"

⁃ The whole class was in a panic

⁃ Where was Noka? Was she hurt? Was she scared? Was she in danger?

⁃ And the question that hung on everyone's mind the most was

⁃ Is she alive?

⁃ The emptiness of Noka's desk was deafening

⁃ Their smart ass classmate was nowhere to be found

⁃ And they all felt guilty

⁃ But none more than Bakugou

⁃ For he was the last to see her alive so to speak

⁃ And her last words to him were "Forget about me ya big oaf, you hear me? I don't want you sulking, or I'll personally beat your ass."

⁃ Forget about her? How could he do that?

⁃ Noka was the only person who didn't put up with his bullshit

⁃ From day one she put him in his place

⁃ And honestly shes the closest thing to a sister he has

⁃ During the hero license exam, all of class 1-A decided that Noka would be really upset if they all sulked and failed their exams

⁃ But the fact that only Todoroki and Bakugou failed would make her fall into hysterics

⁃ When class 1-A met the big three, Mirio told them that Noka was strong and stubborn to a fault, so they shouldnt worry about things that arent in their control

⁃ To which they asked how he knew her

⁃ Apparently Shirou, Amajiki, and Mirio have all been friends since elementary school

⁃ So Amajiki and Mirio had been there a lot for many crucial parts of Noka's childhood

⁃ When the work studies started, Deku went on patrol with Mirio and Shirou, AKA Lemillion and Shifter

⁃ Shirou couldnt help but feel so much guilt crushing him when Eri jumped out of Deku's arms

⁃ Cause Eri reminded him of his little sister

⁃ Speaking of little sister

⁃ For the last 2 months, Noka had been experimented on by Kai Chisaki

⁃ In the mean time trying to protect Eri and building a loving friendship with the young girl

⁃ But ive alreadly talked about this part

⁃ So skipping to when they save her

⁃ It was a total shock for them

⁃ To see this wingless, pale, frail, bandage wrapped girl

⁃ And even more so when she spoke

⁃ Not having that bite that their Noka had

⁃ But a softer, more broken voice replaced her normally boisterous and confident voice

⁃ In the big battle agains Chisaki, Noka got slammed against a wall

⁃ Which in normal circumstances would be fine, but with her body in such a week state it immediately cracked her ribs and spine

⁃ Ochako helped get her friend to the ambulance as quick as she could

⁃ Shirou saw a fluff of pale pink hair out of the corner of his eye

⁃ He immediately turned to run towards the medical stretcher, but was stopped

⁃ He kicked and screamed something along the lines of "THATS MY BABY SISTER. PLEASE LET ME SEE HER"

⁃ In the most broken voice you would ever hear

⁃ In the hospital, after Sir. Nighteye had passed, Deku, Kirishima, Amajiki, Shirou, Ochako, Tsu and Aizawa were all waiting anxiously for Noka's surgery

⁃ When all of a sudden the door explodes open and the nurses and doctors are shoved out by an invisible force of heat

⁃ Noka was using her ability to set herself aflame and be healed in the ashes

⁃ But no one knew wtf was going on cause she learned the trick at the Hassaiki hideout

⁃ So p a n i k

⁃ But after the doctors confirmed her stablility, they all went back to school

⁃ The whole class bursted into tears when they told them about Noka

⁃ Jirou, Kaminari, Momo and Mina all being the most emotionally impacted

⁃ Bakugou was almost crying witb relief but he disnt show jt

⁃ They weren't allowed to see Noka for a whole month

⁃ Only family were allowed

⁃ She was hard at work recovering and going through therapy and they didnt want to disturb her

⁃ But when they (Kirishima, Deku, Ochako, and Tsu) did visit, they were shocked

⁃ There was this soft spoken, trembling, woman, and this was after a month of intense therapy

⁃ They hadnt event started physcial therapy yet, they wanted to get her tk the point she could be around others without going into a panic mode

⁃ Thus she needs the wheelchair

I have a bunch more random hcs but this is so long anyways. Im so sorry >_<

~Blurb~

It’s fine anon but seriously you gotta start posting!

#anime #fanfiction #anime x reader #bsd fandom #bsd fanfic #bts #kpop #kpop fluff #btsxreader #haikyuu x reader

[clubstardust]

hi! can i ask why you didn’t like y6? i just started 3 lmao, i don’t mind the spoilers i was just curious as to why you didn’t like it if you’d be willing 2 explain!

yeah of course! excuse me if this is long winded i have a lot to say on the matter.

6 is just... lacking. a lot. especially for the ending of Kiryu's story (im biased though because i love 5 but i also think it ended the series better than 6 did) it has fun boss fights and good music but thats about it for me.

and the characters are just really badly portrayed everyone feels out of character.

Saejima, Majima, and Daigo get maybe 5 minutes of screentime in total. I dont even really care that Majima and Daigo are barely seen because they are just side characters, but the fact that Saejima, a PROTAGONIST, was thrown to the side is so :/

In place of him (and literally all the other former protagonists) is Akiyama. Dont get me wrong, I love Akiyama, but 6 did him so badly. His whole character in 4/5 is lazy business man who has a heart of gold (simplifying it for the sake of the post, hes obviously more than that) and then in 6 he's some badass who is willing to kill for Kiryu ? i think literally any other character would have fit that role more than him (Daigo and Majima especially, maybe even Saejima as that would be an interesting display of dedication for him to be willing to kill for Kiryu)

Kiryus character is just. Meh. It didn't make me feel anything as compared to other games and thats all I have to really say about it. Lackluster, I guess is a good way to say it, especially being his final game.

Then let's look at Haruka. My darling, sweet Haruka. If I think about her treatment in 6 too long I get really angry. Haruka's character throughout the games is a headstrong girl who stands up for what is right. She's brave, she's stubborn, she's unafraid to put herself at risk for the sake of others. Only, like, one of those traits is highlighted in 6 by the fact she puts herself in the way of a car to protect Haruto. Besides that, her character is just everything Haruka is not. She runs away (going against the very like Yumi tells her in yakuza 1 about making sure to never run away) and she runs for help when she thinks people are after her. Especially damning when you look at her behavior in any other game. K1, she puts herself between her father and Kiryu to shield him, RGG3 she stands between her siblings and Mine to protect them, RGG4 she defies Kiryu to stand up for her distrust to Hamizaki, and perhaps most telling of all, RGG5 she willing sets off on her own to face a group of yakuza (theres even a quote about how she was raised by Kiryu, so she's not going to back down in fear to yakuza) and thats just all thrown away in 6. 6 Haruka comes off as a scared little girl who needs to rely on others to help her, and that's just not Haruka.

The characters are what I dislike the most, but the plot itself is meh for me. Haruka having a kid is... weird. I think it's unnecessary and the whole idea of Kiryu 'not needing to watch over her anymore' is like... I get it but also, like, its weird seeing as 5 cemented the fact in he's her dad and they belong together.

I think the catalyst for the plot is dumb too, there's like no reason for Kiryu to be arrested (Daigo and Majima too, but especially Kiryu) especially when like similar things happened in other games and no one got fucking arrested.

Akiayama bailing on Sky Finance is weird because that's basically his whole character. He's the lifeline of Kamurocho and then he's just not.

The final bosses didn't even really have a reason to dislike Kiryu? There's even a quote before the final boss fight about how his issue is with Daigo? But then Kiryu fights him. Ok.

The throwaway at the end with Kiryu calling Daigo his son was really weird (also admittedly one of like the three scenes in the whole game that made me feel something). It would have fit better in 5 when they... you know... actually interact and actually have really good scenes displaying their affection for the other.

The ending is just infuriating, especially after playing 5. Or any other game really. The whole premise of most yakuza games ends with Kiryu and Haruka together and the idea they belong together. Thats how their story starts and then it ends basicslly ripping that apart. It's not a happy ending. It's not even bittersweet because theres no real reason Kiryu needs to fake his own death? So it just sucks because theres no reason for Haruka or her siblings to lose their dad.

Just in game mechanics, the game feels unfinished. You can't access Park Blvd. or the Champion District the whole game. I thought it would just be for certain chapters but nope! whole game. There's no coliseum at all, which is weird seeing its in all the games. Also the only game (besides 0) without Harukas whims which is just :/

short version : in my opinion it was not worth the time i put in <3 just play 5 and pretend it ends there i like to pretend 6 doesnt exist

#its the only game i dont plan on finishing in legendary + 100% (which im in the middle of right now) #also the only game that i dont plan on doing substories because inreally cant make myself care #how do you ruin characters so much you ruin POCKET CIRCUIT FIGHTER ? #ask #long post #yakuza #sorry for tagging this i just like all my original posts being tagged together

[unicyclehippo]

Prompt idea? Jester talking to Yasha about "realizing things", as a young/newly queer person wanting advice/acceptance from an older wlw ("whats it like- having a wife?"), and maybe conflicted feelings re beau bc on one hand jes doesnt want to get between beau and yasha if they'd make each other happy but on the other hand she is jealous and isnt her own happiness worth fighting for too??

‘what’s it like - having a wife?’ jester asks. nearly immediately regrets it when the other woman jerks, eyes darting to hers, wide and surprised. ‘i’m sorry,’ she’s quick to say, shaking her head quickly, enough to make her jewellery jangle as the movement tosses them against her curling horns. ‘that’s not - it’s probably the worst thing to ask you right now, and, i mean, you look busy—‘

yasha looks down at her empty hands, around at the largely empty room, and back to jester, eyebrows raised. ‘i am not busy.’

‘oh.’

‘would you,’ yasha swallows hard. gestures toward the other piece of furniture in her room beside the bed, a solid chair. ‘do you want...to sit?’

‘um.’ jester glances behind her, down the empty hallway to the closed door of the room she shares with beau. ‘yes. sure, yes.’

‘you don’t have to if -‘

‘i want to!’

yasha seems to recoil a little at the very forceful show of what was supposed to be casual. she nods. arranges herself awkwardly as though they are about to have an interview, and jester wonders if maybe she’s afraid. just afraid would be bad enough but afraid of what jester might ask, might do because of her answers? that feels bad.

jester forces herself to relax. she closes the door and takes the seat, folds her legs criss-cross and plays for a minute with her skirts, getting the pleats to sit just so.

‘have you been sleeping better?’ jester asks, voice breaking the silence. yasha doesn’t flinch this time, but jester thinks that might be because she’s holding herself too tight and still. like a perfect alabaster statue.

‘ah. yes. caduceus came by with some tea,’ yasha says. ‘he...says some very strange things,’ she adds a little hesitantly, unsure if she’s allowed to comment on his strangeness when she—has done what she has done.

‘oh yeah, he’s great, isn’t he?’

yasha nods.

it’s a bit dizzying, actually, to be watched so intently by yasha. her gaze hasn’t fallen since jester entered the room, and she watches each small motion of jester—the way she brushes her hair behind her ears, the way her tail curls, the way she fiddles awkwardly with the rings on her fingers—but jester isn’t sure how much of it is the other woman understanding that she feels incredibly deeply nervous or, or off-kilter or strange, and how much is yasha watching out for an attack. the intensity is one thing. yasha’s dual coloured eyes are another. jester finds her own attention split between them.

‘we weren’t married for long.’ yasha jerks when jester does. ‘i’m sorry—did you, still want to know?’

‘only if you want to talk about it!’ jester insists.

‘i—don’t mind.’

‘i don’t ever want to make you do something you don’t want to do!’ jester says that forcefully, entirely on purpose. yasha needs to know, she needs to know, jester would never—

‘jester,’ yasha says, her voice low and soothing. her accent breaks jester’s name in two, each spoken with infinite fondness, gentleness. ‘everything is okay.’

for once, jester doesn’t reply to that. sometimes she denies it sadly, other times agrees fervently, but now she just sits in it. yasha is right, more or less. they got her back. killed the Hand. killed obann. things are better than they have been for a long time.

‘we were married at dawn,’ yasha tells her. ‘it was...not romantic. except that it was her, and we were getting married.’ jester can’t sit alone on her chair; she hurries across the room to sit next to yasha on the bed, brings her knees up to her chest, chin resting on them as she listens, bright eyed. ‘okay,’ yasha says, and shifts accordingly. turning her body toward jester and crossing her legs. ‘when you are married in the tribe, you, ah, you make offerings to distract evil spirits from you, so they are not watching, will not curse your union. i delivered a great sacrifice,’ yasha says, almost sounding like she’s trying to convince jester or herself of it. ‘but it mustn’t have worked.’

‘i’m sorry, yasha.’

the woman shrugs. ‘i don’t—there are some things that are missing still. from my memory. but if you have questions...’

‘i don’t know,’ jester admits. maybe she should have written some down. maybe she should figure out why she’s so interested in the first place. probably because if she knows how marriage is supposed to work, why it works, why it is good, she can get the gentleman and her mama back together and they can live happily ever after. or maybe—

‘is this—‘ yasha looks like she has bitten her tongue but she continues very carefully, very quietly. ‘about beau?’

jester plays it very very cool. ‘what? no? why would - did she - why would this be about beau? that’s totally ridiculous and not at all something i am thinking about.’ as she rambles, super convincingly, she starts to wonder herself if maybe she isn’t being entirely...truthful. ‘is it?’

‘i don’t know,’ yasha shrugs. ‘is it?’

jester frowns down at the blanket on yasha’s bed. plucks at It where it is frayed and works for a few minutes at mending those small rips. ‘she—‘ nearly died, jester thinks but doesn’t say, because that, despite the mind control, that was yasha. jester wants to cry all of a sudden. when had things become so difficult? when had she started to think seven steps ahead in a conversation to make sure she didn’t upset, didn’t offend, didn’t hurt her friends? it feels like a cage pressing in around her and she sucks in a shaky breath.

‘jester?’

‘i’m okay.’

‘no.’ yasha—so carefully that jester wonders if the woman thinks she is fragile, about to crack into shards at a too-heavy touch—sets her hand on jester’s. the little mending magic fizzles out with the jolt of surprise, fibres and threads of blanket untwisting and snapping apart once more. ‘you can talk to me, jester. i am—not weak.’ there’s a charge that flickers, over her fingers and behind yasha’s eyes. ‘you are my friend. whatever you say, we can...figure it out.’

it isn’t a question but it almost feels like one. like with the gesture yasha has reached out on two levels, both with hands extended, and is asking for her trust. and jester’s trust is small now and bruised and scratched but she hands it over regardless.

‘she died,’ jester says, flat and pained. ‘or nearly did. and i was so scared.’

yasha nods. ‘you are scared when any of them—us,’ she corrects after a moment, ‘falls. is she...different?’

‘yes,’ jester says, no need to think. ‘she’s my best, my first best friend.’

yasha hums. her expression is blank of judgement but there is a faint air to her like she remains...unconvinced.

jester falters. ‘she’s my best friend, isn’t she?’

‘yes.’ yasha squeezes her hand. ‘tell me, jester, do you think of her first in the morning?’

‘well...yeah. we’re roommates, she’s the first person i see.’

yasha shakes her head. ‘before that. before you even open your eyes.’

jester frowns. yasha seems to be hinting at something, the meaning of which slides sneakily away each time jester tries to grasp it, to find what it looks like, what it feels like, what it is.

‘she snores, so i hear her.’

yasha nods. ‘okay. well. when you are doing, mm, fun things like—‘ she blanks for a moment and then says, hesitantly, ‘dancing?’

‘i love to dance!’

‘okay, when you are dancing, who do you want to be dancing with you?’

jester squints suspiciously. yasha seems to be hinting that she thinks jester’s answer will be beau. and the thing is, of course it is beau! beau would make an amazing dance partner? that’s just natural? she’s taller than jester and strong and lean, with the build of a dancer and when she fights she has the grace of one too. she’s also great at leading and not leading, so that wouldn’t be a problem if jester got carried away and jumped into lead when maybe she shouldn’t. jester explains all of this very matter of factly to yasha, who just nods again.

‘and when you are bored?’

‘nott is very funny,’ jester is quick to point out. ‘and fjord has the best stories of sailing, and caduceus knows so much about so much, and you of course,’ she adds, just to see yasha smile.

it works. yasha smiles very fondly down at her and says, ‘and beau?’

‘beau, no, she isn’t good for boredom.’

‘why not?’

‘because she—‘ because i’m not bored with her, jester thinks. and just shrugs instead. if she thinks the small concession will halt the questions yasha asks, these big seemingly easy but oddly confusing questions, she is wrong.

‘what is your favourite colour? what do you give beau when she is hurt? does she make you laugh? do you want to make her laugh? has sh ever given you a gift? who do you want to be with when you are sad?’

‘that’s too much!’ jester cuts her off, oddly anxious. she jumps off the bed, hurries to put a few yards between them.

yasha doesn’t move to follow, but she watches jester go with a soft expression jester doesn’t recognise.

‘i...thank you for talking to me, yasha,’

‘it was like being more than myself,’ she says before jester makes it to the door. her voice is louder, warmer, richer, and when jester glances back at her, she sees that soft expression has morphed to something...peaceful. deeply sad, but peaceful. ‘i always heard it was two halves of a soul—the man and the woman, joined together. united, a match. but when i met zuala, when we met again and again and spoke, and laughed, and danced,’ yasha’s breath catches and she begins to cry. her eyes close. ‘it was more than myself, what we had. perhaps it was two halves joining, but it never felt like that.’

‘what did it feel like?’ jester whispers when yasha is silent for a short while.

‘terrifying. wonderful.’

‘terrifyingly wonderful?’ jester suggests.

yasha opens her eyes. the tears have leaked a little, spilling down her cheeks, and her eyes—watery, washed out—are clear and bright. ‘she made me very happy, in a time where that was very difficult,’ is all yasha says, and though she doesn’t send jester away, jester can hear that she needs some time.

she steps out with a quiet ‘thank you’ and closes the door behind her. leans back against it. lets out a long, slow breath.

she is still there when beau climbs the stairs, hair slicked with sweat and skin glistening, mottled with purpling bruises. beau grins, lifts a hand.

‘hey.’ her eyes flicker to the door behind jester. ‘everything alright?’

jester stares for a moment. beau is handsome and beautiful—hot, she thinks beau would insist upon—and so much more, and some of yasha’s questions make a lot of sense all of a sudden in a big, important, kinda scary way.

‘jes?’

‘yes. yes, everything is great. just a little chat.’

beau doesn’t look convinced, but she nods anyway. ‘okay.’

#cr tag #tagging my stories #prompt fill

[strykingback]

ʌ: comfort after a nightmare - for Violet & Hermes would be nice!

Warning the following drabble will contain these trigger warnings: Gore, Abuse, Blood, Vivisection, etc. Please do not read this if you have the following triggers. 

Hermes was resting beside his lover Violet softly sleeping with her in their room together. The warmth of the pillow covering Hermes so quietly and like an embrace was just so comfortable to be in. If only he could see in her dreams that Violet could be having. 

Then what better dream for Violet than that of her holding her beloved Hermy in her arms kissing him whenever he was happy or sad. What better place than to be in than a field of flowers. “Mmm.. Hermy...” she softly spoke outside of her dream in such a tired voice. 

However for Hermes, it was not a dream more or so.. his torturous nightmare of when he was being experimented on like a rat. Just how he remembered it all.. being cursed with immortality, having his light magic taken away from him, his body in penultimate pain every time he moved (Luckily the pain subsided after the first thousand years or two). 

Being in his cave Hermes had not witnessed the End of Ancient Remnant, The Grimm Titan War, or the Great Resurgence, instead when he first walked out he had witnessed the blinding light of the sun for the first time in ages, and the floating city of Atlas. 

Going to investigate his body was totally in the nude due to his clothes deteriorating and people questioning what happened to him. His malnourished state, and others asking how was he even able to survive for that long. 

Hermes did not reply to no one but he was taken up by the Atlesian police and questioned, which he answered everything truthfully and honestly, but he also shown them that he was immortal. Their eyes could not believe it at first,.. just how fast he was able to heal. However if he held the secrets to immortality then the Atlesian military would want it. 

Thus, instead of being released he was sent to an unknown facility, little did he know.. this was the place where his torture would begin.  In the real world Hermes began to jerk and move around a bit softly moaning in anguished pain at the memories that were playing in his head once more.  “PIECE OF SHIT!!!”  “MOTHER FUCKING SACK OF BALLS!!!” “BEST MAKE US IMMORTAL!” “COME ON THEN CRAZY!!! ARENT YOU GONNA GET UP AND FUCKING FIGHT!”  Those were the insults that was thrown at him by the Atlesian soldiers that had shouted at him and made him feel like shit. Each punch they swung a flow of blood came from his mouth and nose, from each kick he felt his ribs getting cracked, and from each stomp his hands and fingers were broken.  Yet.. it always healed 

Back in the real world Hermes kept moving around  and this time what turned from moans turned to groan... yet he remembered something that he did not want to remember for so long.. his first Vivisection. 

He could remember the surge of pain that he felt and how he screamed so loudly when waking up to see his own organs being pulled out and played with, rivers of blood just dripping from it leaving even Hermes horrified at the sight as he threw up and fainted back into unconsciousness. 

Yet came the next part...of his first trial of being an experiment, the flaying of his skin, being hooked up to a machine that shot a stinging laser piercing into his soft tender like skin then just everything being pulled off... and Hermes witnessing his own muscle and veins.. all made him but horriefied as he fainted from the shock. 

Y̬e̝̣̪̻̩t̖̳͠ ͓̣̳̣i͏̜͖̙̬͚ͅt̤͖ ̡̳̤̰̹͇ͅa̛͚̠̖͙̦̦̭l̠̤͙̝̬̙w͍̳͇a̡y̢̟̳̱̹̺s͕͕͟ ̟͕̣̼͜h̸̤̝̤e͟a̴̖̫̹̞̫͔̩l̜̮̦̦e̛͖̩̩d҉͖̲̬ ̙̬̟̻̝̻

Coming next was his the R&D testing for newer weapons, he was tested like a rab lat meaning to run before he got blasted to bits, and nearly dying of course. Sometimes he succeeding surviving, sometimes he didnt which lead to him witnessing his own limbs getting blown off or being poisoned by biological warfare. 

Yͣ̏̚eͧ̈́͂̽ͭ͊̑҉͡t̛̂̆ͨͥͩͣ͏ ̿̓͠iͥ̈́ͩͧt̶̡ͪ̌ͣ̾ ̛͗ͣ͘a̓ͨͣ̏͋ļ̊̌ͬ̐w͌̐̒ͮͥ̅́a̴̴̎͛̃ͫ̎̋y̡͒͘͢s̸̓ͨ ͛̊̇ͫ͟hͫͧ̽̀͂̔̇e̢̾̊̇̐̌́a̸͑͂ͭ̐̾̊̏ļͩ́eͥ̈́̏ͫ̈́̓̉͆͜͞d̷ͪ̄̿́̾ ͛̊ͭ̃̈͛̆͢͝

Which out of Hermes’ dream he began to softly whimper and his breathing starting to quicken and his body growing goosebumps as his movement increased to the point where he was tugging on the blanket stirring Violet from her dream. 

Next was the constant silence of being alone for years as Hermes was beginning to break down the voices of the past all of them damning him for abandoning them all for his quest for playing God.  “Why Hermes.. why would you do this.” The voice of his wife spoke 

“You have tried to play as God Hermes, However you must learn about the beauty of life.. your beloved will be far from your reach..” The voice of the God of Light said. 

“Hermes please.. we want you to come home.. please... stop your experiments...” The voice of one of his fathers spoke in his mind. 

“I must... stay sane...” Hermes said weakly breathing heavily in a sweat, he clearly remembered what his room looked like how he had markings of each day on there, equations of a possible escape in the Ancient Remnant language, tally marks of each and every day that had passed. 

The next experiment was one that tested Hermes himself yet this experiment was so indescribable...even some scientists found it inhumane... and just.. a major violation of Hermes’ own human rights... feeding him to a Grimm Squid which not only took its time “playing” with Hermes.. but ripping him apart.. bit by bit. As always with his wounds and everything...

Y̸̔̍̂̑̔̂Ĕ̶̌͗ͤ̏͐ͪͨŢ̓͒ͦͭ̇ͤ̓̋͛̕ ̴̢ͬ͐̄I̢̍ͤ͒̇T̶̢͐͐͆͟ ̒̎͛͝Aͤͦͫ͒ͪ͌͂́L̢ͫͧ͐̓͂W͑̆̇͑ͯ͑͂͐́҉̸A̡ͣ̆͋̀Ẏ͐ͧͣ҉̢Ṡ͗͞ ͩͯ͠F̌ͬ͟U̒̚Č́͏́K͐͆̐̂̈I̛̽͐̒ͮ͊̎̾̓Nͩ̎̓ͦͮ̾̚G̴ͫ̎҉ ͥͦ̉̔̿҉̕͘H̡̾̂͑͜E̶̛̒͑̿͋̆ͭȦͨ͞Ļͣͦ̃̀E̵͗̂͋ͬ͛͊͒̓D̡͑̉ͫͯͦͭͯͩ͠!ͦ̿͆͠!ͩ́ͫ̍ͥ̆!̢̇̿̌̉͋ͥͩ͞!̔ͤ̋̂̿̅ͦ͏̕

Once again out of his dream Hermes, started to sweat profusely and move to the point where he began rip away the blanket as got on all fours... groaning with a bit of distortion to it... like a wild animal. Which when Violet stirred waking up moaning a bit. “Hermy... go to bed... ple- Hermy??” 

Finally the final experiment that broke him... that destroyed his mind entirely. The Semblance Limiter project he remembered the cool steel  being around his neck as he attempted to go full power and how he was no longer called Hermes.. only SUBJECT-731. 

And when he tried to go full power... and that first shock came through his brain and mind.. 

“YES!!! AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAA~!!! MORE PAIN!!! FUCK ME!!! KILL ME!!! I WANNA SEE MORE OF MY INNARDS!!! YOUR GOD DEMANDS IT!!!!” 

Hermes screeched at the top of his lungs causing every scientist to leave the room in horror... as he rushed the window slamming into it and licking it wildly like a wild animal. ...

Finally back in the real world, Hermes looked up to the sky and screamed loudly waking up crying and sobbing. “KILL ME!!! PLEASE!!! AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!! MAKE ME FEEL SOMETHING GODS!!!!” Hermes screamed loudly causing Violet to wake up immediately and allowing herself  to quickly hug Hermes tightly. “Hermes!! Hermy!! Come back its me! Violet.. you’re okay! You’re okay!!” She pleaded which Hermes’ insane laughter came to an end looking at her with his expression softening up with tears flowing out of his eyes and quickly hugging her tightly. 

“It hurts.. It hurts.. It hurts.. It hurts.. It hurts...” Hermes  sobbed softly.  “Shh.. Hermy, its all over now ok.. its over.. You’re safe now.. you’re safe now..” Violet spoke rubbing her beloveds head and giving him plenty of kisses on the head. Yet.. while the wounds of old has healed.. the mind never forgets. But that doesnt mean every memory was bad. Hermes meeting Team RNJR and BOUT (Blade and Outsider), Merlinda helping him and every Atelier scientist making working to find a way to safely remove the Semblance limiter from his neck, The kindness of Louvel reaching out to him, and even better Exaltia and Cashmere soothing his insanity giving him a chance to regain his sanity. 

Finally the ultimate thing that truly helped his mind heal...being with Violet... thats what helped the most. He just stayed there until he was calmed down and sleeping again this time in Violets embrace.. just her embrace alone felt warmer than any blanket in the world. 

#xbloodsoakedx #[The Sane God- Sane!Hermes] #tw: gore. tw :vivisection #tw: blood #tw: abuse #//Hermes has been through the SHITTER #//And theres a good reason why he resents Atlas a lot.