#it makes my brain feel things

[shadowtraveled]

"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

#dungeon meshi spoilers #mithrun #dungeon meshi #this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme #half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is #someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality #his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though #he says he tried to see the worst in them. #hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on #wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore. #but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once #snakes #long post #severe problems #meshy

[artrealla]

#yall have no idea how long it took to do the colors on this #i feel like my brain melted out my ears #but im SO happy with this theyre so cute god #my art #stranger things #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #st fanart #steddie fanart #please rb with tags they make me so so so happy and i screenshot them and show my friends and its so cute

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...

#not a shitpost #serious post #ask to tag #tw trauma #cptsd #c-ptsd #and if so we should TALK about it #because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays #like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc #bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times #and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd) #because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact #2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc #3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation #and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie #4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories #and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong #weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards #i got lucky there #also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons

[naturecalls111]

#black leg sanji #red leg zeff #one piece #comic #fanart #sanji vinsmoke #< the tag I use more often so just for easy navigation on my blog. #my dog of 17 years passed the other night and god knows I suck at processing things #I wanted a way to distract myself but I couldn’t Really distract myself so. #when I woke up after drawing this comic I hated how I wrote the end part #my brain was muddled so words weren’t coming to me the way I wanted it to #I was going to change it before posting it here but that feels… disingenuous. so I’m keeping it #my puppy’s name was Sunny. it’s silly of me but it makes me feel even closer to one piece now #anyway sorry for rambling #I miss my big baby

[napping-sapphic]

I just want to fall in love with someone who makes me feel safe like even when we’re angry or sad or upset i just want to know that both of us are still going to be okay

#wlw #wlw mood #sapphic #sapphism #lesbian #today was….not good #and at one point i had a moment #where i was just unbearably SAD and LONELY because i didn’t have anyone to call or talk to about it #but im still really hopeful it will happen some day #because all i want in this world is to feel secure #and for others to feel secure around me #and for everyone to feel secure around people they love #because it’s so painful and scary when you don’t #but one day im going to be warm and happy in someone’s arms and will barely remember this at all #im manifesting it #im completely okay btw things just got a little rough #and in the incredibly stressful and dramatic times i was experiencing my brain STILL had to be gay #im gay and i like sleeping #also yeah i said i wouldnt post after midnight again like two days ago but whatever #im sad and want to yearn on the internet we can make an exception tonight

[mblue-art]

angy

#lust!sans #mblue art #shading prac #wanted my brain to have a solid visual of what he'd prolly look like when he's angy (well;; not /too/ angry here but yea) #(i think that's very hot of him) #i want to hold his hand and hug him and and and #give him all the niceys tell him nice things i want him happy and safe and comfortable and #:( kiss heem. make him feel loved af

[anewp0tat0]

looks like I can draw again!!

Sebastian called him "orphan" for the rest of the week.

#YEHAAAAAH MATEE GUESS IM GOING TO ANIMATION SCHOOL #IT WAS ALL WORTH IT. and now it's all over #actually this may mean I'Il be busier later... but for now- I'm back into the swing of things! kuro art; thoughts; tears; and what have you #it feels like a while since I've posted a big project so I hope I can make it up by finally getting back to the one's ive had in my WIPs! #thank god I got this thingy done. my brain is firing again so i gotta keep up #I know how to draw cars😅🙃 #sorry if the eccess of screen prints is annoying I was experimenting #modern!au #kuroshitsuji #black butler #kuroshitsuji fanart #fanart #sebastian michaelis #ciel phantomhive #digital art #o!ciel #this would make a good ad but no not sponcered😌 #sebastian starts vibrating

[cerulean-fantasy]

💜✨🌠🌟

#danganronpa #drv3 #kokichi ouma #ndrv3 #oumota #sort of...???? ish #they make me uwu so he's in momota's jacket since it's cute and i didn't feel like drawing two characters #my art #anyway #a small self-indulgent thing #since i've been playing through ndrv3 with a friend lately #re-experiencing it after MANY years #and he's taking over my brain like he never left help #he's so hard to draw right it's not fair

[maskofnova]

#surge the tenrec #whisper the wolf #whispurge #sonic the hedgehog fanart #idw sonic #mogs art #tangle the lemur #whispurgangle #what a tag #i wont tag whisper n' tangles tag cause i know throwing surge in there isnt gonna be everyones thing #but in my brain for whispurge i think tangle has to be there to keep them even mildly functional #tangle and her girlfriend whisper and her girlfriends girlfriend surge that tangle keeps making talk about what shes feeling #instead of fighting about it #and kit is just so happy that surge is happy but realistically hes the little brother glaring daggers at them both #hes got zero trust and so much emo

[royalarchivist]

Pac: Take care of Ramon, take care of Richas, ok? See you on the other side, big boy.

Fit: [Laughs] Take it easy, big boy. Take it easy, big boy. Actually, nononono– You can't just say "big boy" and then just expect me to not drag you outta here. [Fit tries to lasso Pac] You're coming with me.

Pac: No, I need to leave!

Fit: You're coming with me. You are not dying today! You are not dying today!

Pac: I need to leave, Fit! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

Ironmouse: Are you guys like, having sexy time?

Fit: There's homosexual activity going on Mouse, don't worry about us, ok?

Ironmouse: You guys, we don't have time to be gay right now.

[ Full Transcript ↓ ]

-

Pac: I'm just here to say goodbye to you, Fit.

Fit: Goodbye? We're not– we're gonna be fine, we're going to get out of here, don't worry.

Aypierre: Yeah, don't worry!

Pac: I know, but like– I will sleep until the end, you know? I will pass through this moment sleeping, man. I won't be able to be awake for the moment.

Fit: [Laughs] You know, it's– I mean, if that's how you wanna go, but– I mean, that- I mean, isn't that bed kind of like.... I don't know, it's–

Pac: No no, I will be staying on the sofa, you know, I will be staying on the sofa.

Fit: Oh the sofa. Ok, that's a nice sofa! Yeah, that is a pretty nice sofa.

Pac: Yeah, it's a nice sofa right? No, yeah– I'm going to stay on the sofa, you know? So, since I will be going Fit... [Pac starts tossing Fit all his items]

Aypierre: [Not paying attention to their conversation] Is that bigger cell? I don't think it's a bigger- biggest one.

Fit: Oh... Thank you Pac, thank you.

Pac: Everything you need to survive, ok?

Fit: Wow.

Aypierre: Wow.

Pac: And if you need this one also, maybe, who knows? [Throws him more items]

Fit: Ohhh, well hey– just take this to remember me by, ok? [Tosses him a photo of himself – the same one Aypierre was carrying all day yesterday]

Pac: [Laughs] Ok, I will sleep holding the picture you know, like this. You know, I will dream about you, Fit. And I hope this is gonna be good dreams. I see you in the other side. Good luck, my friend.

Fit: The other side... Yeah, you know, yeah, we– we– you know? It's been an honor, Pac. It's been an honor, you know?

Pac: Yeah, for me too, you know? Take care of Ramon, take care of Richas, ok?

Fit: Ok.

Pac: See you on the other side, big boy.

Fit: I will sing your praise– Oh yeah, hey– [Laughs] Take it easy, big boy. Take it easy, big boy. Actually, nononono– You can't just say "big boy" and then just expect me to not drag you outta here. You're coming with me.

Pac: No, I need to leave!

Fit: You're coming with me. You are not dying today! You are not dying today!

Pac: I need to leave, Fit! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

Fit: Sorry, there's–

Pac: I'm sorry!

Ironmouse: Are you guys like, having sexy time?

Fit: There's homosexual activity going on Mouse, don't worry about us, ok?

Ironmouse: You guys, you guys– we don't have time to be gay right now, come on. There's no time.

Pac: No, there's no time! Oh, goodbye Fit...

Fit: Ok, c'mon, no no no, come on, we got this we got this!

Pac: Goodbye Fit, I'm sorry!

Fit: [Laughs] Oh no...

#Pactw #FitMC #Hideduo #FitPac #QSMP #QSMP Prison #January 22 2024 #So canonically how do you guys view this moment? #Did Pac just canonically conk out from stress? #Did he take sleeping pills on purpose to sleep through whatever awful thing was inevitably going to happen? #Curious to hear what other people think #I like to imagine the stress finally got to him #He spent the entire time trying to mirror things he saw Cell doing #and finally cried about it to Bagi #I can't blame him if he wants to sleep through the rest of it. Man's living in a place that's actively making him relive past trauma #Fit says he's carrying Pac in his backpack but I like to imagine that he just gave Pac a piggy back ride the entire way home :D #I imagined that for Purgatory too #it's cute #idk the whole idea of very traumatized characters being so comfortable around certain people #Idk the idea Pac feeling so safe around Fit #(despite being in a place that is actively stressing him out) #that he feels alright falling asleep and trusting him / Mike to protect him is sweet to me #Idk man I'm a big fan of the ''literal sleeping together'' trope #I love when characters take naps together it's so cute #esp when it's two traumatized characters with a lot of baggage / trust issues #It's nice #anyways I got way off topic with these tags LMAO sorry #I was gonna edit this down but I like the entire conversation so I'm leaving it as is #The YouTube editor living in my brain: Not great for viewer retension #Me: Shhhhhhhh I'm an Archivist. I can do whatever I want.

[karliahs]

shinsou midoriya bullied kid solidarity is the most important thing on earth in fact

#talking #bnha posting #it's about struggling to recognise how bad the things that happened to you were until you see it reflected in a friend #it's about having this thing in your past that feels too ugly and shameful to talk about until you find someone who really gets it #guys it's 2020 again in fact. my brain is eating itself. time is a flat circle #maybe i will make a reclist for this specific thing

[dandelion-roots]

No matter what you do, you just can't shake him off, can you, Chūya?

[lyrics: Florence + the Machine | id in alt]

EDIT: I made a whole ass janky animatic to this song, enjoy!

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #soukoku #dazai osamu #nakahara chuuya #nakahara chūya #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #ok so uh. i had so many thoughts while drawing this (for TEN HOURS my hand...) but then it came time to post it #and i considered srsly an emily bronte quote (pls dont shoot- if wuthering heights has anything going for it its violence and intensity) #but it didnt fit quite right so i left it out #i have so many thoughts and feelings i have no more words #my fave is the second drawing but i think the fourth is the best #dazai's* collar on chuuya (*possibly related to dazai and the whole dog thing. dont ask what going on in my head) #and chuuya's hand on dazai's throat #what was it someone said in tags of my gon charov bsd drawing?? im eating drywall or smt similar?? thats me rn #double black #also to ppl who know the song- shake it out- yes i removed one lyric i just couldnt make it work #i considered putting it as the caption but didnt work there either rip #also removed the (shake him off) that's part of the lyrics but i did put that in the caption. galaxy brain am i right #also the poses in drawing 1 and 2 are purposefully v similar #edit: fixed image 1 so the text is the same as in all other images fear not u did not imagine it hypothetical person im talking to rn

[aromantic-diaries]

Idk if I've said this before but I feel like the bi to aro/ace pipeline wouldn't be half as common as it is if asexuality and aromanticism weren't forgotten all the time when it comes to discussing sexuality. I think it's funny to joke about it and seeing how it's something that so many people experience has definetly been helpful in making me feel less alone but sometimes I think about how I would have known I was aro and ace much sooner if I knew more about these identities like I did about bisexuality

#aro #aromantic #arospec #ace #asexual #acespec #of course i won't put all the blame on other people cause a lot of it was me just refusing to admit it #but then again my own denial was a result of being made to feel like it would make me incomplete #i probably would have known i was aro much sooner if someone told me it was a thing before i got amatonormativity brain poison #i knew it was unusual when everyone else seemed to have had at least one crush and i didn't

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

there is something so so so Appealing about angry/irritated Barnaby. it scratches an itch in my brain. somethin somethin comic relief characters getting to break their mold and be outwardly unhappy

#plus it just looks... Nice on him yk yk #i sat down to do a lil character study and Next Thing I Knew barns was ready to Throw Down #still tweaking how i draw him... still not fully satisfied #except for the center scribble #theres a reason its on its own. its my fav of the bunch #and also the happiest ive been with a scribble in a While! #everybody hold on im shifting into barnaby mode #kidding kidding. maybe. we'll see how i feel tomorrow #scribble salad #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #welcome home fanart #barnaby b beagle #i like how i keep cycling through which neighbor im Focusing on #lately its been howdy but all this laughingstock is making me 👀 @ barnaby #still patiently waiting for my brain to seize poppy in its white-knuckle grip #please. please. i do not control the Motivation but god i wish i did #still. anyway. angy barnaby. fuck yeah. hes great. #i think i saw that one uhhhh drawing of clown's of barns looking mildly annoyed #and thats probably what made me go Oh I Love This. This Is Incredible. I Think About This Every Day. #he deserves to be upset. as a Treat #all comic relief characters should have a free 'choose violence' ticket

[the-holy-ghosted]

congrats 2 henry peglar for being the only bitch confirmed as to be Fucking That Old Man

#the heron giveth #the terror #alright here come the funny tags #bridglar #briglar #people spell it both ways i think. ill do both hujst to be safe #henry peglar #john bridgens #uh um um. uh #peglar x bridgens #THIS FEELS WEIRD. TO TYPE #bridgens x peglar #alright im done good GRIEF #this isnt even that extreme compared to the shit people are putting on ao3 about these two. god. #anyways hi ive watched this show maybe 7 or 8 times? only just recently have i gotten hooked on them #the scripts make me go nuts too. ''they were lovers in their pasts'' shut the fuck up dont say that to me ill start crying #this is the most risque thing i have ever posted on here #getting out of the fandom game for a while rewired my brain i have to get weird again. and boy do they make me feel weird ! #i have a number of terror mutuals who r gonna go nuts over this. fuck yes a little bowl of seeds for me style #this looks blurry posting it hopefully tumblr doesnt crunch the shit out of the quality anyways im done typing goodbye

[lamaiemiei]

another date, this time with ferrie

+croissants that shall unfortunately be given to filth

#ultrakill #gabriel ultrakill #ferryman ultrakill #v1 ultrakill #gabv1el #ferrygabe #ferrygabv1el #v1gabe #fan art #my art #would've drawn a background in the second one if i knew what to choose #also the stores in the first one are just. first thing that came to mind #in the third one Gabriel is fidgeting with his loincloth btw #make of that what you will #i am aware i drew ferryman's holy cloth like shit in that same first one i'm sorry #he/him ferryman btw; just dresses femme #i sometimes feel so dumb drawing stuff like this #like “why are you drawing this about ultrakill this makes no sense it's stupid unrealistic oversugary mush you fucking dumbass” #yeah. that's how it goes in my brain lol