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#it hurts. but i'm allowed to remember that i loved him. i'm allowed to remember what he was to me.
onmywayend · 19 hours
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YH|I think I love you(M)
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Dragon hybrid King Yunho x Human Princess Reader
Smut|Angst|Enemies to lovers AU|Forced marriage|Mentioned of war|Very Rough sex|Choking|Yunho hates reader at first|Yunho has PTSD|Reader keeps her company with Yunho| Vanilla sex
"!!!"Despite the torment and the pain of your body , you dare not make a sound, fearing that the person on top of you will insert even more forcefully into you. No matter how many times you have made love with Yunho, you still can't get used to his size. How can a human take a dragon's cock? Your nominal husband, Yunho, is a dragon hybrid, tall and strong, much more powerful than the average human. And you, petite and fragile, are like a delicate flower, a stark contrast to Yunho's imposing figure.
"Fuck..." You bite your lips tightly, and a hint of crimson seeps out due to the exertion. Your eyes tightly shut, tears streaming down your face, wetting the pillow. His big, thick, and long cock ravages your genitals, as if each thrust requires all his strength to penetrate as deep as possible.
He snaps your ass without any mercy, driven solely by his endless lust and desire for satisfaction. You are nothing more than his tool for releasing his carnal desires, without any love or affection.
Because humans are his least favorite beings.
"It's not enough. I need it deeper." Your right leg is lifted onto his shoulder, allowing him to penetrate even deeper, causing you even more pain. You feel as if your lower body is being torn apart, the pain spreading throughout your entire being. It's like experiencing silent torture.
"Yunho..." You somehow find the confidence to believe that if you plead a little, the man on top of you will stop.
"Stop calling my name, you slut." He slaps your buttocks with such force that a clear red mark is left on your skin.
"I'm sorry..." "Stop speaking." Slap, again, harshly. The pain makes you feel every cell in your body trembling, fingertips digging deep into the palms, leaving behind red marks.
"Does it hurt? Good, remember the consequences of angering a dragon!" He thrusts into your cunt at an inhuman pace, continuously slapping your ass with great force, intensifying the burning sensation.
Unable to endure the pain any longer, you burst into tears, uncontrollable streams running down your face, wetting your swollen eyes. Your pitiful moans and choked sobs irritate Yunho, his large hand climbing up your neck, squeezing your throat, preventing any sound from escaping.
Your breathing becomes difficult, a sense of suffocation overwhelms you, your chest tightens. Alongside the pain in your lower body, your face turns pale, beads of sweat forming on your forehead.
Your consciousness is already blurred, feeling like you could lose consciousness at any moment and pass out. After several thrusts, a warm flow suddenly fills your lower body, followed by a coolness and the release of the pressure on your neck.
The sexual encounter has finally come to an end. You no longer have the strength to get out of bed and clean yourself. All you can do is cry incessantly and take deep breaths, hoping the pain in your body dissipates quickly.
Yunho, who had already dressed himself, returns to his own room without a backward glance. You slowly turn around, your body soaked in sweat, shivering from the sudden chill. You hug the blanket tightly, not letting the warmth escape.
"Knock-knock." The sound of a knock brings you back to your senses, and you see the maid handing you a bowl of medicinal soup.
"Miss Y/N, this is contraceptive soup. Please drink it as soon as possible." You struggle to sit up, gulp down the soup, then lie back down, reflecting on the past.
You never thought you would be used as a bargaining chip and married off to Yunho. You once naively believed that you would meet your true love and spend the rest of eternity with the person you loved.
But everything changed because of the war several years ago. You were married off to the dreaded dragon race, living a life worse than death every day, silently enduring all the pain because of your status as a princess.
Humans and dragons are incompatible, and the two races have engaged in multiple wars over resources and territory. These terrible wars left a horrifying shadow in Yunho's heart, as his parents were killed by humans.
He remembers vividly the screams that rose and fell that day, and the countless corpses strewn across the battlefield.
The war ended through a political marriage, despite Yunho's unwillingness, but there was no other choice. He channeled all his hatred for humans onto you, without any mercy or care. In his eyes, you are nothing more than a tool to be used during his mating season.
-----
The sunlight falls on your face as you slowly open your eyes, but you don't feel a hint of warmth. Everyone looks at you with indifference, no one likes you.
You are like an emotionless robot, repeating the same tasks every day - getting ready, changing clothes, eating breakfast... and then waiting for night to come. His mating season usually lasts for five to ten days, and the only thing you can do is hope it ends as soon as possible.
Today is the fifth day, if you are lucky enough, as long as you get through today, you can be temporarily "free".
The evening arrives faster than you expected. You have already prepared and sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for him to finish work and come at exactly eight o'clock. This rule hasn't changed since you got married.
You stare at the clock blankly, and in the blink of an eye, it's already half past eight. This unexpected lateness leaves you puzzled. Could it be that the mating season is over? You feel a glimmer of hope, but at the same time, you dare not expect too much, afraid that the bigger the hope, the bigger the disappointment.
However, the result is not what you wished for. The knocking on the door shattered your illusion.
"Miss Y/N, Mr. Jeong wants you to go to his room." Your eyes that still had hope instantly became helpless and disappointed, and your lips no longer smiled.
"Mr. Jeong wants you to deliver medicine for him."
The maid handed you a tray with a bowl of medicinal soup. Is he sick? You find it strange because he was perfectly fine yesterday. And, how can he, who hates you so much, ask you to deliver medicine? Isn't he afraid you will poison it? With a belly full of doubts, you took the tray because there was simply no choice to refuse.
Carefully opening the door, you find the room unusually dark, and in the distance, you can hear a sinister moaning. You dare not take a step forward and want to leave and ask what's going on, but you hear the sound of the door being locked.
"What...?!" Are they really trying to kill you instead of sending medicine?
"Is it really okay like this? Just send her to the room..."
"But I don't want to die!"
Your vision goes black, and involuntarily, you take a few steps back, feeling overwhelmed with fear. They really see you as a scapegoat.
"Who...?!" Startled by a low growl, you regain your composure and shout towards the source of the sound.
"Me... Y/N, I'm bringing you medicine." You keep scanning the surroundings, observing the abnormality nearby, feeling nervous to the point of breathlessness.
"Yunho...?" You hesitantly call his name and gather the courage to take a step forward, but there is no response.
"Yunho? Are you okay?" Silence. "Where are you?" Silence. It's as if you're talking to air, with no one responding. You really want to just put down the medicine and go back to your own room, but unfortunately, the door is locked.
"Yunho?" You call his name several more times, unconsciously walking to a corner of the room and noticing several bottles of alcohol on the floor.
With the help of the faint moonlight outside the window, you see a dark shadow crouching in the corner, trembling.
"Yunho?" "Don't touch me!!" His overactive response scares you to the core, you've never seen him in such a state before. Setting down the medicine in your hand, you bend down and say softly,
"You need to take your medicine."
"No! Get away from me!"
He buries his head and cries, like a frightened child, his voice choked with sobs.
"Okay, okay. Don't take the medicine, it's fine."
You try to console him, not knowing what to do. He turns around, his eyes filled with confusion and fear, his tear-stained face evokes pity in your heart, causing it to tighten. Maybe you're just scared, that's why you're behaving this way.
"Are you okay?" You gently ask. "What happened?"
"Humans... they came."
His answer leaves you stunned, it seems he's not in his right mind. You know he's referring to the war that happened several years ago, could it be that he still has traumas?
"It's okay, the war is over, you're safe." He shakes his head, tears continuing to flow.
"No, it's not. There's the scent of humans here." Oh no, is he going to kill you the next second?
You stutter, unable to articulate your words clearly. "You... by drinking this medicine, the scent of humans will disappear."
You hurriedly lift the bowl of soup and place it in front of him, signaling him to drink it.
"Really?"
"Of course, I'm not lying to you~"
You reassure him like you're coaxing a child. He takes the bowl without any hesitation and drinks it in one gulp.
"How is it?"
"I still smell humans! There's the scent of humans on you!"
He suddenly pounces at you, the overwhelming force makes you fall to the ground, and he firmly holds your hands, leaving visible bruises on your wrists. You are scared to the point of being unable to say anything, your heart pounding wildly, your eyes filled with fear and helplessness.
"Are you going to kill me,human?" "Why would I kill you?" Your answer leaves him incredulous, doubting if he heard a figment of his imagination.
"Aren't you humans supposed to kill our dragon race?"
"That... that's others, not me..."
"Why...?"
"I... because I'm your wife." Although this statement is true, saying it feels like betraying your conscience.
"Wife?I am married?" Because of the influence of alcohol, his brain was completely unable to function clearly and his memory was disordered. He thought he was still in the past when the war broke out a few years ago.
"Yes...you are my husband. Don't you remember?" "Husband...wife..." Images of his parents flashes through his mind, and a feeling of sadness comes over him. He bends down, releasing his grip on you, and suddenly bursts into tears against your neck.
You don't understand what's going on and hesitantly pat his shoulder to comfort him. Perhaps out of compassion, you softly reassure him, saying that it's okay. Despite all your doubts, you can't ignore him because of your kind-hearted nature.
"My parents are gone, they... they..." "It's okay, I'm still here." You continue to pat his back, even though you still feel a little scared. "Will you stay with me?" "I will, I'll always be by your side." It's a lie that goes against your conscience.
"Really?" You nod. "I will always be by your side." Your words are as soft as silk, and your gentle tone seems to melt the ice in anyone's heart.
"Then, can you sing to me? My mom used to sing me to sleep." "Sing...?" His request puzzles you again. What's wrong with him? Although your mind is filled with doubts, you sing a song from your hometown to prevent him from doing anything drastic.
As you continue singing, you feel a weight pressing against you and hear the sound of breathing. Turning your head, you realize he has fallen asleep in your embrace. This is the first time you see him sleeping, and the first time you sleep with him. Unable to move, you have to maintain the same posture until the next morning.
------
Yunho had never slept so peacefully before. Every night, he is tormented by nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night. But today, he slept through the night until morning without waking up.
Rubbing his eyes, he feels a warmth and softness beneath him. He lifts his head and is surprised to see your face. Why is he sleeping with you in his arms? He remembered that he had consumed a lot of alcohol due to his post-traumatic stress disorder and had asked the servant to bring him a soothing herbal soup... Did you comfort him afterwards? He couldn't help but wonder why he, who detested humans so much, could find solace and warmth in your presence.
His cold heart seems to melt a little, and he looks at you with a gentle gaze. At that moment, you wake up from your sleep and are surprised to find him staring at you. Your face turns red instantly. "Ummm... good... good morning," you stammer nervously, biting your lip. Your appearance somehow makes him feel a bit cute.
"Morning." Did he just respond to you? He usually treats you as if you don't exist. "I... I will go back to my room. Sorry to bother you." He moves away from you, and as you try to sit up, you realize that your body is too weak, and your muscles feel sore as if they had been strained.
"Can't get up?" Seeing you struggling, he pulls you up, but accidentally applied too much force, causing you to wince in pain. He notices the bruise on your wrist, probably caused by him, and suddenly feels guilty.
You struggled to stand up but couldn't due to your weak legs, making you embarrassed and don't want to raise your head to meet his gaze. Maybe out of impatience or genuine concern, Yunho picked you up in his arms. You stare at him in surprise, unable to believe that he doesn't dislike you, and carry you to the room.
"Rest well." He places you on the bed, gently pat your head, and walks back to his room without looking back. Although it is a small gesture, it adds a touch of warmth to your heart.
---
Since that night, Yunho found his feelings towards you becoming somewhat complicated. Whenever the aftereffects of his traumatic experiences struck, he would seek you out, and you would comfort him gently, singing him to sleep and staying by his side.
He gradually felt that your presence was a necessary support and encouragement for him, even considering you his safe haven. His treatment towards you was no longer aloof but caring about your emotions and life, as he began to change the way he treated you.
Perhaps he didn't realize that his feelings for you had already shifted.
----
"Does it hurt?" His gaze full of warmth and concern, his tone gentle in a way that made it hard to believe he was once such a rough person. "A little bit..." Afraid of hurting you, he slowly entered, not as impulsive as before. You bit your lip, afraid to make any sound.
"Don't hold it in, I want to hear you." He bent down, caressing your face with his hand, looking at your rosy lips. After contemplating for a moment, he lightly touched your lips, like a butterfly brushing against a petal.
The exchange of kisses was filled with endless sweetness, it was your first kiss. He moved closer to you, applying a little more pressure, allowing you to feel the warmth on your lips and his cock pushing deeper.
"Ummm..." you made a muffled sound, feeling emotions inside you that you had never experienced before. Pleasure gradually replaced the pain beneath you, and you became more eager for the friction of his cock and even closer contact.
You slowly adjusted to Yunho's size, and in a soft voice, you said, "Please move, I want you." It took courage to say those words, fearing that the man above you would suddenly return to his rough self.
However, it seemed that your worries were unnecessary. Instead of thrusting forcefully, he moved slowly and gently, accommodating you, not wanting to cause you any pain. His hands caressed your palms, interlocking his fingers with yours, feeling the warmth from each other. His long cock eased into your tightness, effortlessly hitting your most sensitive spot.
"Right there, please." He continued to target that same spot with each thrust, causing you to moan repeatedly. The softness of the touch and the pleasure of the friction made your head spin, and you could feel every cell in your body exhilarating. Arching your back, you pressed against his strong chest, making your heart beat faster.
He kissed your lips again, then moved on to your jaw and collarbone, before placing a kiss on your neck. His kisses slowly moved up from your neck to your ears, teasing every inch of skin underneath with his tongue.
He returned to your collarbone, leaving a trail of kisses accompanied by suctions, causing a surge of heat throughout your body.
The speed of his thrusts increased, with shorter intervals hitting your G-spot. You moaned, the stimulation driving you closer to climax.
"Cum with me." His words acted as a switch, and without warning, you reached climax, waves of heat rushing through every corner of your body, your heartbeat racing as if it wanted to escape. It was the first time you had experienced such pleasure in your previous sexual encounters.
Your juices wrapped around his cock, the wet and hot sensation driving him insane. After a few more thrusts, he came inside you. Both of you were gasping for air, slowly calming down. You got up, put on your clothes, and planned to leave.
Yunho suddenly felt a wave of reluctance and loss in his heart, he didn't want you to go. "Where are you going?" "To my room, and I'll take the pill." You looked at him, puzzled by his disappointed expression. Wasn't this something he always did? It was just that this time, it was you who was leaving.
"No, don't take the pill." "Huh?" He walked up to you, naturally took your hand, and his eyes were filled with love as he said,
"Don't leave, just stay with me." He pulled you back into his embrace, sitting on the edge of the bed, his hands wrapped around your waist, burying his head in your chest and pecking it, then raised his head to meet your gaze.
"Stay." You hesitated, wanting to say something but unable to find the right words in your confused mind. You nodded, and he smiled, gently laying you down on the bed, keeping his chest close to your back, inhaling the scent of your body wash.
In this moment, he felt an incredible sense of happiness, and you felt an overwhelming warmth.
Perhaps at this moment, he finally realized that he had fallen in love with you.
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whorediaries-09 · 3 days
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you gave me comfort;
pairing- sirius black x reader warning(s)- hurt/comfort. a/n- 👺👺i'm on a mission to break everyone's hearts btw.
prequel masterlist series masterlist little train.
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'i'm sorry,' you sniffed, your knees pulled up against your chest. even though it hurt you, physically, all the ointments and bandaged practically needles on raw skin, you wanted to conceal yourself from anybody's touch. you eyes filled with tears stared at the broken vase, the glass scattered across the floor.
try as hard he might, sirius couldn't help you feel comfortable. you'd rolled into a ball, trying to get away from him. he didn't understand why you were running away from him, when he was constantly pleading you your attention.
'please, just listen to me, i'm not here to hurt you,' he tried. but you were not very keen on listening. you moved back and forth, knees joined to your chest, letting the physical pain consume every inch of your body.
'i'm sorry, i'm sorry i didn't mean to break the vase, it will not happen again,'
'it's okay, i don't care about the vase, please listen to me.'
it was of no use. he stepped back, thinking you would listen to him if he proved himself to be a less of a threat. perhaps you were still stuck in the haze of your nightmare. he stood still, watching as you swayed yourself back and forth, mumbling apologies after apologies, tears falling down your cheeks. he felt his heart ache.
he wanted nothing but to hold you close, give you comfort and pull you out of your broken place.
'please, just trust me for once, please,' he whispered, almost begging. he stood still, the restrain of holding back from you too difficult.
he didn't understand what went on in your mind.
why you were so broken, so fragile. when he remembered you to be an extravagantly strong and independent. when he remembered you to be so bold and passionate when it came to your profession, yet shy and clumsy when it came to yourself. when he remembered the person he'd fallen in love with.
and how you'd shred his tapestry. how you had a speech, but you'd been speechless. how your love slipped from his reaches. how you dropped his heart, like glass.
and how you couldn't give him a reason.
'do you promise not to hurt me?' you asked, your eyes full of tears. he could see the vulnerability in your eyes. you'd only be vulnerable with somebody you trusted. at least, that is how he remembered you.
'yes,' he replied, with equal vulnerability in his tone. you straightened your legs, as if allowing him to get closer.
'can i get closer?'
'will you hurt me?'
'never.'
the sheets were soaked with sweat. he got closer to you, his hands slow, soft and cold on your body. he sat down on the bed, laying your head on his lap. his fingers nimbly found your forehead, as he pressed onto the spot between your eyebrows, trying to soothe you.
'don't hurt me, please.' you said. he watched your eyelashes flutter as you tried to fight off the sleep.
'i promise to never hurt you.' he said, his fingers running through your matted hair. you hadn't really gotten around to bathing just yet.
the fingers in your hair were soothing, his nails itching your scalp just right. you wouldn't be able to fight off your sleep for much longer. but you were afraid of the demons that haunted you when the world succumbed into the darkness. you were afraid of the demons that hid under your bed, possessing you when your fells drooped and you feel into a slumber.
but perhaps, you were the demon you feared.
perhaps, you turned into your worst fears.
and perhaps, you were drunk on your pain, tossing out blame.
how long could you escape from it? how long was it before you'd fall and fall and know no end to the misery that sucked you into it's embrace.
your eyelids fell, the world colliding with the realm of sleep.
*-
'filthy mudblood, greasing the most noble house of black. oh what would poor mistress think of me, can't even keep them away!'
you were woken up with the shrill whispers of these words. with a flinch, you sat up on the bed, eyes looking around the surroundings.
you wondered where sirius was. it was his face you last remembered before falling asleep. the feeling of his cold hands massaging your head, the comfort of his slate gray eyes and the scent of musk, leather and cigarettes.
'who are you?' you said. your tongue had almost slipped a "what" but you knew a fair bit about house-elves and their history. you'd never encountered one, being muggle-born.
the elf bowed down, his nose almost touching the ground as he did so. you could still hear him muttering 'filthy mudblood!'
'i'm kreacher. the servant of the most noble of of black. master black has ordered me to give you this,'
he handed you a letter.
'where is he?' you asked, staring at the letter.
'he has gone to recruit his filthy halfblood godson! the boy who lived!' with a snap of his fingers, he was gone, leaving you alone. you watched the ray of moonlight pour into the room through the thick and gloomy curtains. the handwriting on the letter was illuminated by the rays and the flicker of the few candles that were lightened on your night stand.
you tore open the letter, looking for a clear answer amongst kreacher's vague words. sirius had gone to recruit harry? you stared at the letter which said,
'i've gone to the muggle world to recruit harry. you know, the dursleys' house? i don't know if you remember but the house we had tried to sell sausages. harry has been falsely accused of breaking a 'law', and has been temporarily been suspended from using magic. a lot has happened, actually. i can't explain everything in a letter, time is too short, but you can ask ron and hermione- harry's friends who are there for further explanation.'
*-
'hello?'
you heard the voice of a girl, as if directed at you. perhaps it was, considering no one at the order had really met you. no one knew of you either. you'd not joined with the intention of being kept quiet, but that was exactly what you were instructed to do.
you were the 'secret weapon'.
'hi,' you replied back, slowly turning your head to locate the source.
'who are you?' another voice followed, this time a young boy's. at the doorway of the kitchen, stood a tall red headed young boy who looked about fifteen, along with a bushy haired girl, who looked the same age as him.
'are you ron and hemione?' you asked, ignoring the boy's question.
'why, yes we are...' the girl answered her foot steps nearing you. her eyes scanned your body, watching the several bandages and ointments on your body. they stopped at your left forearm, which you'd forgotten to cover. her eyes widened with sheer terror, and almost comically sudden, she whipped out her wand, pointing at you. with more courage and determination this time, she bellowed,
'what are you doing here?'
'i'm a spy for the order,' you replied, keeping your calm, even thought within you a storm enraged.
'i don't trust you,'
'and you can't use magic, so i'm not really scared of you right now,'
'you can't hurt us!'
'she doesn't plan to, miss. granger. she's not lying. she was a spy, for the order. not anymore, of course not. she's too daft, got caught snooping around.' a bored voice drawled, cutting off the interaction between you and her. your eyes snapped to the source of the voice, watching as snape entered the kitchen, with his long strides, cloak dramatically flowing and hair as oily and greasy as ever.
'put down your wand,' he instructed. hermione didn't.
'i'm sorry, but no professor.'
'i can't believe you're making me defend her right now, miss granger. she means no harm,' he scoffed. his cold black eyes running over your form, 'i mean, look at the state of her.'
your eyes felt hot and numb with the tears you held back. your hands shook.
you hated feeling so pathetic.
you hated feeling dependent on others to defend you.
you hated being the burden you were.
you hated the poison hot and severe, poised on your tongue.
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original idea posted by - @lilwnet
taglist - @reggieisfit @siriuslycaptainofthedawntreader @jamespottergf @eternallybipanicking @fictional-magic @iamgayforyourmom1510
taglist (for series) - @urbansaint
(if you want to be tagged please send a request through my inbox.)
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libraryofneith · 21 hours
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Out of Mind - Chapter 10 (Joel Miller x Female Reader)
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@hiroikegawa @evyiione @orcasoul @taz-97
I'm baaaaaack! Apologies for yet another delay but I have finished my finals, all set to graduate (hopefully) and that means I have more time for you lovely people. Thank you once again for your patience, please enjoy. Also I'm going to compile a series list with all the chapters since some seem to be harder to find than others.
If anyone else wants to be the first to know when this fic is updated let me know and I'll add you to the taglist.
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9
Summary: You and Joel deal with the fallout of what happened with Marcus
Warnings: [whole fic is 18+ minors DNI], it puts its age in the bio or it gets the block button, cursing, allusions to PTSD due SA but no actual descriptions of SA, hurt/comfort, Joel is nice for once
You wanted to push him away, to fight him, to tell him to go to hell, but the warmth encompassing you, the soothing words in your ear and the smooth circles on the small of your back were too good to resist.
You
You were on your back. That much you knew. You were in utter darkness, couldn't even see your hand in front of your face, the oppressive weight of nothing surrounding you. There were only two things you knew: you were lying on your back, and somebody's hands were on you. You tried to crawl away but they snuck around your waist and pulled you back. In the darkness you could hear voices whispering.
This'll go a lot easier if you don't fight back…
I'm gonna enjoy this so much more…
This'll go a lot easier…
Sweetheart…
Don't fight back…
Don't…
Fight back…
Hands were grabbing your shoulders now and shaking you violently. You tried to scream, to tell them to stop but your throat was raw and nothing would come out. Instead you thrashed wildly, hands flailing everywhere, connecting with something - chest, arms, face? You didn't care you just wanted out. Then you heard another voice in the darkness.
Kid. Stop.
You turned away, the fear replaced by anger burning hot and sore in your chest. You didn't want him either.
It's OK.
The voice was so soft and so close, right in your ear. You shook your head, your hands still flailing in the dark, looking for anything to grasp, then they found two other hands, holding yours in a firm but gentle grip.
I'm here.
I don't want you here was what you wanted to say, but when you tried to speak nothing came out but sobs, and suddenly you could feel heat and moisture on your face as tears gushed out of your eyes.
Arms were encircling you now and you could feel a hand rubbing slow and even circles on your back. You knew who it was. As the blackness gave way to dark blue, white, grey and the nothingness became trees and bushed and rocks, you remembered where you were and who you were with. You wanted to push him away, to fight him, to tell him to go to hell, but the warmth encompassing you, the soothing words in your ear and the smooth circles on the small of your back were too good to resist. So you allowed yourself to fall into his embrace, head resting in the crook of his neck as your tears continued to fall.
"You awake now hon?"
"Shut up."
"OK."
Joel
It wasn't the first time she'd woken him up. That first night after, well, it had happened, she had slammed her sleeping bag down as far away from him as safety would allow and he hadn't objected, even as they fell asleep to the sound of each other's teeth chattering. He'd woken up who-knows-how-long later to the sound of her crying out. He'd jumped up, thinking they were being attacked by infected or more of Marcus' men but instead it was just her crying in her sleep. She looked like she was trying to hit something or someone but her arms were trapped by her sleeping bag.
He hadn't meant to scare her, he just wanted to wake her, or help get her arms free because at this rate she was going to hurt herself. But the minute his hand made contact with her shoulder, her eyes snapped open and her fist made contact with his nose.
"Ow, shit, what was that for?"
"Don't. Touch me" She spat, eyes filled with venom.
"I was only trying to.."
"I don't need your help. I don't want your help. I don't want anything from you." Joel flinched.
Her words had cut him deeper than he'd admit even to himself. But he didn't want to sleep with a broken nose every night so he did as she said, he didn't go near her. Even when the sound of her teeth chattering kept him up, even when she thrashed about so wildly she had bruises the next day, even when he could hear her crying in her sleep, and even when he could see bags under her eyes and her skin grow pale from exhaustion.
Until tonight. He was astonished when she put her sleeping bag next to him, but she'd simply glowered and said "it's too cold to sleep separately. This is just so I don't have to listen to you shivering all night. Got it?" He'd nodded. Got it.
And that's how he'd woken up to an elbow in his gut as she flailed helplessly. He'd tried to leave her alone, but this didn't seem to be going away, and he realised, with a stab of guilt, that it was probably worse because she was making prolonged physical contact for the first time since the attack. And that's when he decided, screw it. He couldn't leave her like this anymore. She could hit him if she wanted, which she did as he tried to wake her up. Shaking her only made it worse so he did the only other thing he could think of, something that he was sure would earn him a verbal or physical lashing later, and he took her into his arms, held her, stroked her back and whispered "it's OK" over and over again until her body relaxed and he could feel a wet patch where her face met his shoulder.
"You awake now hon?"
"Shut up."
"OK."
There she stayed, not saying or doing anything. He wasn't sure what to do, what she wanted, but when he slowed his circles on her back, she mumbled "don't stop" into his chest, so he kept going until her breathing evened out and her quiet snores indicated that she had finally fallen into deep and undisturbed sleep, but even then he didn't stop. He just held her, listening to her snores, crickets chirping, birds starting to sing in the early hours of the morning. He was almost starting to fall asleep himself when he spotted the first snowflake.
Shit.
"Get up." She gave a muffled groan of protest. "C'mon, we gotta move." She blinked slowly then shot up.
"What is it, what's wrong?" Her face was panicked.
"It's just snow. We'll live but we have to keep moving, maybe find some real shelter." If Joel remembered right there was a cabin not too far away that was (usually) abandoned.
She groaned and he could see her trying to gather her strength. That must have been the first decent sleep she'd had in days and he'd cut it short. He placed a hand on her shoulder and she glanced at it but didn't shrug him off.
"I know you're tired but we can't stay." She nodded and took the hand that he offered, allowing him to pull her to her feet. His stomach lurched as she swayed slightly before gathering her things. This was not going to be a good day.
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starheirxero · 6 months
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Why did Centclipse (what I call him) give himself that kind of body?
MAN, OKAY SO LIKE. THIS ASK REMINDED ME THAT ACTUALLY MY ORIGINAL IDEA WAS NOT "LORD ECLIPSE IS A CENTIPEDE" IT WAS "LORD ECLIPSE CAN USE THE STAR TO SHAPESHIFT".
I used to be super into UTMV (undertale multiverse) and my favorite thing ever was that Nightmare, from Dreamtale, was able to use the corruption to shift his form into grotesque mimicries of something humanoid and use it to instill fear into people that he can then feed off of. (Example: (body horror cw) this post by mcnotok that I think about a LOAHT.)
Lord Eclipse's treatment of Sun seems very centered around making him suffer in whatever way possible, yea? Sun seems to basically just be a punching bag to him, so, one of my ideas was that Lord Eclipse would shapeshift to specifically scare Sun into submission. To ensure that his fear would keep him rooted under his command.
Sun is afraid of bugs. We know this from several gameplay episodes.
So, what better form to inhabit than one of the most crawly kind of bug there is? :)
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orcelito · 1 year
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I've gone through a character arc today. I'm... better(?) now
#speculation nation#animal death ment/#turns out shoving all my grief down and refusing to process it in fear of experiencing negative emotions is detrimental to me#i just went through all my pictures of cassy. experienced again what a loverboy he was...#cried again. twice. miserable experience honestly. i dont know how people do this more than a few times a year.#i have a few videos of him. including him watching a bird video on my computer.#unfortunately i never did capture his meow. which breaks my heart but there's nothing i can do about it now.#i'll just have to hold that sound in my memory. his obnoxious 'mraaaa' that could get comically long when he was begging for food#it hurts. but i'm allowed to remember that i loved him. i'm allowed to remember what he was to me.#an obnoxiously bullheaded cat that was strangely skittish at the same time.#it was annoying at the time but i treasure the memory of when he got out of my apartment unit#and i went chasing him up and down the stairs of the central area several times yelling 'cassy get BACK here!'#as he loudly did his 'MRAAAA' the whole time as he ran from me#my baby boy. tally loved him too. it hurts my heart that i cant communicate to her what happened.#no wonder she hates june bug so much. her friend disappeared & then a few weeks later theres This weird new cat#hopefully in time she can be friends with june bug too. there was a solid month or two where she haaaated cassy lmao#before a switch was flipped and she was grooming him every time he sat in front of her.#cassy may have lived for too short of a time. but he was very very loved. and i can see that in the records of him.#he was purring for me in the end. my sweet loverboy...#... i was going to try writing before work today but it seems like it's a grief processing day.#oh well. it's probably better for me overall.#negative/#sure. i guess.
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introloves · 27 days
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𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐘𝐖𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓
“allowed” is not a word toji is familiar with. hardly listening to those he has an inkling of respect for- he’s now barely tolerating a “hands off” rule implemented by his coach and you.
boxer! toji + dom! toji + man handling + orgasm denial (m! receiving) + pet names (angel, sweetheart, angel face) + rough sex + toji is a mean, evil man + toji mocks you + mating press + messy sex + reuniting sex + cream pie + overstimulation + size kink + humilation + teasing during sex + praise + f! reader
— word count; approx 6k
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there had always been one rule to your relationship with toji when his season was in play. dynamics changing just a bit, because the one rule wasn’t imposed by him; but by coaches- his team advising the best course of action to ensure that he would come out victorious season after season.
and that was; absolutely, under no circumstance- was toji allowed to cum.
you could remember the first time that rule was introduced, naive and innocent to the world of this sport. mouth popping open in surprise when his coach stepped next to you, having decided to join toji on one of his practice sparrings for the first time.
the line of questioning felt odd, wondering why his coach looked over at you with a known smile- like he knew what was going to be said would spark some surprise.
“he’s a beast, huh.” spoken while looking at you from the side of his eye- watching while you squeezed both hands together, trying to calm the uneven thumping in your chest when every heavy swing was directed towards your man.
“mhm.” you nodded, lip hurting from the way your teeth dug in nervously, trying hard to keep your focus on the older man standing next to you while staring at toji.
“i wouldn't worry too much, sweetheart.” he assured, speaking up to let the men know it was a good time to take a break. toji looking over past the ropes at you two with interest, hooking heavy arms against the cords to rest for just a bit, sweat clinging onto the black tee he chose to wear during practice. throwing his coach a pointed look with an arched eyebrow- zeroing in on your sweet face, sending you a wink.
stomach flipping with the cocky attitude that emanated from him in waves, now more with the fact that an angel had their eyes on him.
“you two remind me of when i was younger.” the man chuckled. throwing a rag over his shoulder and turning to face you dead on. “in love, yeah? i can see it.” he mumbled, trying to find the right wording.
“passions high, things get… intense real easy, right?” the coach spoke, after seconds of looking pained by just forming the words leaving his mouth.
finally breaking over the focus you had on your boyfriend- trying to keep the burn down from the way he chose to throw compliments at you, whistles and pet names- even during his precious breaks. your eyes looked at the man next to you, crossing your arms in confusion and interest at what he was telling you.
“yeah?” you answer, inquisitive, trying to find what you had missed to be asked this.
“well, with the season starting- i gotta advise you two to… take a step back. i'm sure he hasn’t told you that there’s absolutely no sex before his matches, right?”
a singular squeak left you, pinching your lips together- the curious stance slowly turning into crossed arms and a burning face. looking over at toji briefly, glancing at his pumped biceps, the sweat trickling down his neck, and the kisses he was blowing you before swinging his head back and laughing into the gym knowing what was being spoken about given your shocked expression. you wanted to strangle him, preferred if this came from your loving boyfriend's mouth, rather than a man old enough to be your grandfather.
“no. he didn’t tell me.” you almost whined, trying to keep composure in the face of the only man toji took any sort of direction from.
he could only shrug.
“it's a conversation you and the boy need to have, take him home- sweets.” the man said, stepping up into the ring and calling over the other man sparring against toji, giving you an opening to snatch your boyfriend away.
“toji.” you whine, walking over to his corner- stepping over the rags and bottles littering the ringside, trying to keep your pout down to a half hearted smile while you looked up at him.
“yeah, angel?” he hummed, crouching down to try and steal kisses from you- quickly discarding the gloves in a messy heap against the ring floor. hands reaching down to cup your face closer to him the best he could with the wraps still on him. tongue eagerly licking against your teeth, biting down on the swell of your lower lip- nearly growling into every push. only discouraged from showing everyone in this gym who you belonged to when you choked out a small noise- embarrassment and heat mixing into a haze that felt heavy in your chest.
letting you go with a final suck of your lower lip, letting his tongue lick at his own- smiling proudly at the dazed look on your face. eyes lidded, face lax and swollen lips glossy.
“coach said we could leave.” you finally muttered out, stepping back with your arms crossed over your chest ‘cause you were foolish enough to let him get close and now you would have to suffer even more than you already were with the rule lingering at the forefront of your mind.
“yeah? i could still go a couple rounds...” toji murmured, looking back at his team- knowing what all this about. sending a frown at his coach, only to be dismissed with a wave.
“mmm, you don't wanna go home with me?” you wondered, sweetening your words- smiling when he huffed and nodded like there was ever going to be anything else he wanted more.
letting him off the hook for the time being for not telling you what was to come… or not to come and for god knows how long.
beginning the routine of putting his wraps away, grabbing a random rag and using that to freshen himself off a little for you- even though you liked him sweaty.
bruised hands, swollen and a little too hot- big and sturdy finding your own when he was finally done. taking you proudly through the front of the gym, like a pretty little trophy that he won all on his own.
and when the two of you were alone, happy enough to bask in his attention- laying pretty before him now that he had showered and changed into nothing but gray sweatpants that were held up by his hand while he walked towards you, peering down at you like he wanted something. eyes widening before you snapped them back up to his face when you saw the unmistakable twitch of his cock hanging heavy between his thighs.
it was almost too hard to cross your legs at your ankles- shaking your head between giggles that crawled up your throat. watching how he bent his body down over you, pressing your hand between his tits; remembering the words his own coach gave him.
“nuh uh, you gotta stay away- boss’s orders.” you murmured between trying to press your legs up between the two of you, back pressed down onto the bed while he grabbed at your ankle and tugged it up against his waist like it obviously belonged there.
toji scoffed, rolling his eyes- hot hands softened only a bit by the shower, rolling up your thigh. fingertips squeezing so hard it made you squirm.
you knew he hated the thought of being denied you, of being told what to do. but this came with the job, and you knew he couldn’t… you two, couldn’t afford to lose any matches. not like he could anyways, but still, you knew if he got too excited beforehand- he wouldn’t be able to put you down and from what you’ve read, it weakened them- men and those in his profession.
“sweetheart.” he mumbled right back when you finally squeezed your foot up against the middle of his chest and pushed, setting him back on his haunches before you. hands coming up to hide from him- not the smartest move on your end because in seconds he had crawled back up; this time using just a sliver of his freakish strength to set any effort aside. letting you know with the previous attempts- he had let you move him.
“nuh uh,” he mimicked right back, “if you’re not gonna let me touch- at least let me see you, angel baby.” toji breathed, pressing his scarred lips to the same hand he had pried from your face, breathing down onto it before dropping it. the weight of him pushing aside any offending limbs to curl down; lips hungry for any taste he could get.
passing them down over your throat and right above the swell of your chest- a kiss so tender it was nearly uncharacteristic of him; like he was apologizing to your body for not doing more.
“your loss.” he groaned before rolling off of you when your hands reached up for him- scorning you like it had been your decision; leaving you gasping and whining.
turning to fight with him before the sight of his hardened cock- straining against the gray sweatpants he had chosen to wear, stopped you. his gaze pinned to the ceiling instead of you, head cushioned by his hands. biceps curling and flexing like he was trying not to move.
shutting down any feeling of anger- seeing now, how much it weighed on him too.
easier to turn around- laying on your side away from him, face hot against your hand; a pout so deep it nearly hurt painted on your face. stomach dropping like it was all your fault- already lamenting about the complications of this.
all before toji slithered a hand against your side, bringing you right to him with no effort. cradling your body to his own, acting like his dick wasn't slotted between the two of you, groaning at the contact but taking no other action.
“this is going to be hell, ain’t it.” he wondered, nose finding purchase along the path he had pressed kisses to just seconds ago. like a dog licking a wound.
“mhm, ‘specially cause you think with your stupid dick.” you murmured- halfway giggling when you grabbed at his hand squeezing against your side rhythmically, bringing it up to hug; your own lips pressing soft passes over bruised skin.
feeling the hot breath of a sigh tickle down your back, trying to keep things light even when the sweetness you both approached each other with was charged.
“actin’ like you don't like it, princess.” toji smiled, teeth bared while a smile played on a face you couldn’t see. wrapping his arms around you further- a pass of his tongue up the nape of your neck causing the frantic wiggling of your body, whining when he didn’t let go.
“how long ‘til the match?” he wondered, speaking above your still kicking body in between barks of his own laughter when you couldn’t budge a singular inch off his hold.
sighing- rolling your eyes when you finally ceded, goosebumps crawling up your back; you went limp and sighed.
“two weeks.”
the next sound was that of a giggle from you when he let out a rather loud note of pure agony- something not like him at all; before scooping you into his arms, like he was trying to absorb your very being into his own, not noticing or saying a thing when the full weight of you nestled right on top his still throbbing cock.
and just to his dismay- the two weeks seemed to drag on. he wasn’t used to being denied your body, futile attempts to just sink the tip inside of you rejected night after night; even amidst the promises that,
“angel face- i swear it’ll be just the tip, won’t even cum, i swear it.” and maybe that would mean something if it was coming out of the mouth of anyone that wasn’t toji zenin.
having gone weirdly sweet when around you, especially after hours of sparring matches- pressing his face too hard into the curve of your neck. or feigning innocence when hands that always seemed to wander crept too close to the apex of your thighs.
his pout, ever prominent when you finally caught on and shifted away from him, trying to keep space so this exact thing didn’t happen. knocking blows to your own conviction, because it was so odd to see him beg and sulk- your man who always stood so tall, unwavering- and a bit mean at times, reduced to trying a compromise because he missed your cunt so bad.
but with the tension building- there was something like a secret being swapped between the two of you. a secret promise that every day would pass faster than the last- and before you two knew it; he was fighting.
the glory of it never waned, sitting ringside in your promised seat in his corner didn’t lose its weight. hands pressed into balls on top of your thighs while the cheering all melted together into one continuous roar.
the ringside walk took too long, but the actual fight itself didn’t. your eyes never leaving off of his form, the twinkling of overhead lights glittering off fractured drops of sweat while he moved about.
all show; knowing if he got close the fight would be as good as over. your own fingers pinched together while you watched, fingernails digging crescent moons into the soft part of your hands- holding your breath while he finally circled in, stepping close and letting just one fist swing upwards to the tired opponent. his coach sat next to you leaned in to congratulate you- as if you were the one who won before the man even fell down onto the vinyl.
acting like this was a dance between the two would have done a disservice to toji, he was dancing; the other man looked like he had been running for his life since he stopped foot inside the ring. your head coming forward to rest against your knees at the sound of the bell- signaling the fight was over.
standing with tears hanging heavy against your lashes while they toted toji about; the veins prominent on his curling biceps with every shake of his gloved fist- showing everyone who’s winning hands they belonged to. something like a smile and smirk playing on his lips when he looked down at you. a promise shared while everyone else was celebrating him.
holding breath after breath in your chest following a small reminder to breathe with every intake; he was yours, but the glory of having a man so hailed and adored by people never ceased.
step after step taking you to the locker room, standing still- nearly biting your fingers with unnecessary anxiety while waiting for him in the room powered by fluorescent lights.
waiting on him while others who wanted just a sliver of attention circled like sharks to fresh meat all the way to the same spot you stood.
too in your head to feel the warmed hands reaching for your upper arm, blinking away the haze and looking at him.
feet awkwardly moving from their previous perch on the solid floor, nearly tripping on the porcelain; exclaiming out something that sounded like his name, trying to remind him to treat you with more care, fragile in hands that still had adrenaline pumping through his very being.
but just like it was difficult for you to keep yourself from dissolving into a bundled mess of nerves, it was hard on him to not act on the all consuming lust growing with each passing second, bypassing any necessary interviews or just plain praise spat in his direction- he had you. it was all he was going to need for tonight.
driven by the single thought, he didn’t stop until you were pressed down into the corner where he had shoved his bag and clothes toji had walked in here with; sweats and a too tight black shirt. hands braced against either side of the metal locker; caging you in, already dizzy with the smell of sweat and a metallic twist.
eye’s wandering down to his body at the thought that this could be his blood.
“whose blood?” you questioned, trying to keep lucid- even while pinned back against the wall, hands roaming down swollen muscles. veins thrumming with heat after taking the ring.
smelling nothing but him and a sickly metallic tang that flipped your stomach over- trying to keep your hands innocent when all you wanted to do was dig in and pull him into you.
damn the eyes still pinned to his back, even while his body crowded yours. no one would look at you if he had any saying in it, and with the adrenaline still coursing through him- he had half the mind to grab your legs and hitch them over his shoulder just to prove a point.
“the other guy’s. but you knew that.” toji stated and it was true; but there was still a part of you searching to make sure none of it was his. even words heavy with discontent- not with you, never, but with the fact that he wanted you and couldn’t do anything about it. not yet.
you nodded, tears already dotting your lash line with how long it had been since you had him, and now all that was left was to wait just a little bit.
“take me home, toji.” you whine, shaky hands leaving a trail of clean skin over the blood splattered on him before wrapping your fingers into his wet hair- tugging on the strands eagerly. lips brushing over the curve of his jaw, breathing down onto his chest. tasting something like sweat and blood, nose scrunching at the thought that he was marred in any capacity. but you knew it wasn’t his, any scrape was miniscule- bruised stomach and side, the areas where his opponent briefly made contact would be gone by tomorrow.
“ah, fuck.” toji groaned, looking up at the lights of the locker room- stomach tensing with pool of lust simmering in his stomach, knowing he would have to calm down, if only a little, if they were ever going to make it out of there.
and when he felt like he could breathe once more, when the tight coil of pure arousal waned enough for him to gulp down lungfuls of air- toji took you home.
stopping for just seconds to grab his check and eagerly pulling you behind him, catching glances of you while he turned around. spoiled and greedy with the sight of you giggling at how eager he was, making you feel just that more special.
it felt like an eternity before you were tugged over the threshold, hands reaching for you before the door closed. body arching down to meet your pouty lips- hungry for you like he's never been before.
denied of you for what was too long- it all came to a halt.
cock pressed against the material of flimsy sweatpants, it begged to have you. pulling away for seconds to actually breathe, toji reached down to pinch your face, tilting your gaze up at him. watching you blink away tears and fit tiny fingers into the space of his palm and your chin, wanting to stop with all the pretense, the wait- the swelling of want.
“toji.” you whined, lips puckering against the dimpling of your cheeks thanks to his fingers still pressing in.
acting like he was mad at you for not giving in, like all of this was your fault- eyes watching to see the simmering lust he had grappled with for nights, and days between when it had been allowed.
the singular word leaving a sour note on his tongue- “allowed”. he was toji zenin- ‘allowed’ was a word that had never pertained to him, and it never would be.
leaning in to grab at you again, like a doll he could have his way with. the sweetest reward for waiting, digging in with extra force with that simmering anger that was flipping back and forth from his stomach to chest, a slip of just how strong he was.
knew it was hard on you too- could feel it late at night when you thought he was asleep to helplessly stick fingers inside, too spoiled and used to what he gave that it wasn’t enough. let you think he was asleep because when you tried and ultimately failed- it did something to him.
hearing you try to stifle whines, hide from him by curling into a ball right next to his heated body. attending to yourself in a hopeless attempt and knowing nothing could compare to him.
his lips peeled back into something that resembled a smile, black tresses of his hair stuck onto his forehead and tickling your own when he leaned in and kissed you.
tongue hot, and strong- it licked inside your mouth, swirled along the sides of your teeth, and stopped right in front of your lips.
caught between breathing and holding it in your burning lungs, treated like a victim of his- the unbridled strength he carried resting just beneath the surface.
you couldn’t tell if you were scared, it felt like it, but there was also a tinge of lust playing right next to it. but you just blinked through that tight grip of panic; it was okay to be scared sometimes, scary felt good with him.
a singular whine escaping between the captured air- bringing down that smile of his once more.
but it was softer, no longer tinged with that seething warmth.
toji blinked, and actually looked down at you- eyes focusing on different parts of what was right in front of him, lips pouty and painted glossy with his spit- fingers still dimpling the fat of your face, your own digits wrapped around his thick wrist in a feeble attempt to pry his hand off.
“cute.”
it felt mocking, like he could laugh at you any second for getting off on how he was treating you; it was so tempting to bite back that it was the same with him, he was getting off on humiliating you like this- holding you open to gaze down at the very chords of your being.
but you didn’t, you were *good* and toji knew that too- it’s why it was so easy to shift the hold of your face down to either side of your neck; fingers pressing into the thrumming veins settled right there. easy to let go once satiating the need to make it hurt, bringing his arms down to where your ass meets your legs to tug you up. letting you wrap your arms around his neck- dependable and strong enough to carry you with ease, trying not to bump into the edges of things while he looked up at you. taking seconds from this moment to simply press his face to the center of your chest, kissing you like you’d even feel it given the clothes keeping you away from him.
your own fingers moving from their hold to ensure you wouldn’t fall to the stray strands of hair littering the nape of his neck. liking the fact that it was getting longer- there was just something about his long black hair you found comfort in; liked it when he was wound down enough to let you run your hands through it- softening the edges of his being with your love.
thoughts of how sweet he was to you, and only you, interrupted when he finally made it into your shared space. unceremoniously dumping you down onto the bed like he wasn’t just adoringly looking up at you, knees dipping down against where your legs folded into your waist; dipping you down with how heavy and big he was. making a show in how slow he was to place his palms against either side of your face.
every movement calculated, like he was waiting for you to comment on the slow pace he’s chosen to take, and just like he thought. it didn't take long to look up at him, pout already forming on your lips.
“toji.” his name whined and already breathy, hands searching for anything that would tug him back up to you. needing him so much it hurt, the singular chord of need seemingly moving any limbs for a chance to entice him further. like he wasn't also panting and wanting.
dizzy when you looked away from his lidded eyes for just a second to see his sweats hanging lower than they had been seconds ago- the imprint of him heavy and low. eyes rolling to the back of your head with the wet lust pooling between your legs.
trying so hard to keep your body from squeezing down onto nothing, stomach clenching in its stead.
“toji.” named whined again, like he didn’t hear you the first time.
“talk to me.” you whimpered, trying to keep a creeping panic down. trying to worm itself up from the odd coil of lust mixed in- seeing him look down at you. jaw set and hands shaking; palms warm and rough against the round skin on the fat of your face. thumbs tracing the start of your hairline over and over- trying not to vocally grunt when the twitch of his cock was so forceful it knocked air from him.
he could only laugh, bringing the pads of his thumb down to swipe under your eyes.
“what do you want me to say, angel?” toji questioned, distracting you with the answer he knew you wanted.
too spoiled and needy, knowing you we’re nothing but a creature of want bundled up with a pretty bow and pleading eyes.
“want me to tell you how much i want you?” toji asked, bringing both hands- finally latching onto the waistband of your bottoms before tugging without restraint of his strength.
pulling you down with the force a good inch before leaning down and placing a kiss to your forehead.
“want me to tell you how i heard you touch that dangerous little cunt, every night? right next to me?” he hissed, remembering it all. tipping over the swirl of emotions settled deep into the pit of his stomach. brought forth with the adrenaline slowly waning, replaced by want.
a hand slipping between both of your bodies to cup at the heat he was just speaking on. pulling fingers away saturated in slick, smiling something sick before pressing his fingers to his lips.
canines glistening against the low light, prying out another uncontrolled spasm- hips jutting off the bed to plead better than any words you could stupidly come up with.
wet mouth coming down, those same teeth catching the soft skin under your ear, bucking once more- hips caught down with those hands of his. waiting for you to notice the heaviness of his cock, freed from any confines, painting lines of lust across the apex of your thighs.
“too sweet.” toji whispered, uncharacteristically, once more. teetering you over that small and tiny space he seemed to shove you in a moment's notice. nose tipping up to breathe, to catch any sort of lucidity you still held.
excitement pumping through your veins with every throbbing push of hot blood, you could see your heart beat now. could feel the swollen and equally hot cock head poke against your swollen little clit, nothing but jolts wrecking through your body with every passing second *he* was making you wait.
and toji was a sick, twisted man- letting you look at him and start another plea before finally pressing himself inside. physically feeling the contraction of your pussy before you relaxed, tears dotting your lashes. swallowing down his name with a cry when his swollen head popped inside, head pressed back into the bed to cry out nothing but his name over and over.
too dizzy to notice the way he picked up your limp legs, hooking them over the curve of his arms before coming back to you. trapping you, keeping you bundled up and tiny.
viscous, teeth gnawing against one another- toji groaned. adrenaline waning, dizzy in his own right, body strung up with nothing but physical strength.
thankful for his own power because the cunt squeezing around his cock so tight- he had to fight to fit inside seemed to sap any better judgment or mental fortitude.
“come on angel- your turn. you talk.” toji nearly bickered, trying to bring the focus back in your eyes. and since he was a sick, and mean man- he enjoyed seeing your face scrunch up, sucking in little breath after little, hiccuped breath.
knocking that focus clear off your face with pistoning thrusts so hard, the jolt itself tempered him through the thick fog of lust and pleasure. barking out something akin to a laugh and groan watching you shake your head and squish your nose up something cute.
how was he ever supposed to stop? how could he ask to keep his hands off you, when you received him so well- even now, while he bullied his cock into your already battered pussy all you did was shake your head back and forth and plead for him to give you more.
hands gripping onto the curve of muscle settled on top his bicep, anchoring yourself to the very thing knocking the wind and thoughts out of your body. feeling the push of your muscles against his hold on you, acting like you were-
oh.
toji has to bite down, gnash his teeth and breathe heavy tufts of air out of his nose to keep himself at least somewhat grounded. watching you twitch weakly, feeling you spray his wiry hair, and coat the sliver of cock that doesn’t fit inside of you with cum. hitching your legs further into the cradle of his arms while he fucks and fucks into you over and over.
“fuck.” the singular word spit out through his gritted teeth, balking with the fact that you came so easy. finding it unfair that you were so sensitive, you who was allowed to touch yourself. who was allowed the little moments of reprieve even if it might not have been with him.
he would have swallowed his pride for the time being, letting you do what you needed to get off.
but since toji is such a nasty, vile man. he knows that’s not true.
lips curling to smile down at you, like you did such a good job for him- making a show of grabbing the back of your knees, and pressing them further down onto the bed.
his eyes pinning yours down, like a wild animal sizing up their prey before pouncing. daring you to look away, wanting you to be the one who pushed through the hazy fog of burning overstimulation.
“that’s it.” he praises, despite what he’s putting you through, unrelenting thrusts, keeping you down small and unmoving underneath him he sees the way you’re slipping in deep. sharp smacks of his balls battering the curve of your ass that has been lifted an inch off the bed the only thing heard, apart from the sharp trills of your cries.
“please, please!” you cry, over and over- too dizzy to even pick your head back up, letting it roll to the side when he comes in close once more. tongue laving at the curve of your cheek, a simple gesture of comfort.
“my good girl. please what?” he asks, the vibration of his words reverberating against your clammy skin.
and toji never expects an answer, this is good enough- you do well enough in your own right to keep somewhat lucid while his thick cock throbs with every push inside.
it feels like an uphill battle from him too, watching every orgasm overtake your body- slowly eating away at the unshakable control he has over his own figure.
wonders why, after everything he’s done bad in his life, is he able to have a little piece of nirvana right here.
toji is gluttonous anyways, has always wanted more than what was offered- from you too. grits his teeth down so hard, even through the haze you can see the vein working its way down his thick neck.
holding off just for one more, one more orgasm from you, pretty little thing.
coaxes it out of you with those snapping hips- thick cock noisily sliding in and out of you with no remorse for the integrity of your walls. battering you into something soft and malleable, shaping the figure of his cock into your tummy.
you cum again, weak- sensitive. barely able to distinguish what hurts and what doesn’t, whole body shuddering in the midst of his strong hold. squeezing around him, beckoning him closer and closer.
in the end it’s worth it, letting yourself get used by him to watch the way he tips his head back- looking at the ceiling of your room before tremors wrack his own body. lips open while he pants out the singular-
“fuck! fuck-“ over and over, sealing himself against you with one last thrust. digging in as much as he can to make sure you take it all- make sure his cum is well received inside of the same walls still trying to push out his unrelenting cock.
and you feel so full, warm and shaky while toji slowly gains his own bearings- having gone limp long ago, waiting for him to come back to you. shivering with every weak throb his cock gives you, like he’s trying to push out every last bit of cum he has for you. the heat simmering low in your very being.
“pretty thing.” toji finally breathes- relieved. whatever pent up energy left now forming into nothing but pure adoration for you. something he had never felt before. coming to him as naturally as all the other mean, vile, nasty tendencies he has.
letting you whine like a little puppy while he lets your legs fall back onto the bed. kissing you, teeth nipping at the curve of your tear stained cheek- lowly chuckling with how shaky hands reach for him. wondering if you know how ironic it is to be begging for the very being responsible for making a mess of you.
“toji.” it’s sweet, called out in a way he’s not used to hearing his name in.
“yeah angel, ‘m here.” he huffs, feigning like there’s effort in bringing himself down to hold you. strong arms used in a manner foreign to their creation- wrapping you up against him.
“you did good, cunt missed me that much?” he wonders out loud, catching a glance at the pool of cum trailing down the middle of your thighs. letting both of you lay in the messiness of it all- too indulgent to clean it off.
watching you nod, eyes heavy- bleary. fucked out like an angel created for just this. his own breathing ragged with the singular pout, feeling your hands grab as if he’d leave.
wonders how the fuck he’d ever get through next season, and the season after that. knowing temptation itself holds its form in the shape of you, right here with him.
toji kisses you- trying to make you the singular thought in his mind. letting you rest before he puts you through it again and again, a creature of indulgence in his own right.
knowing he wants it all; victory and your very being. wonders how you drift off so easy with a man like him looking over you.
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astonmartinii · 6 months
Text
big reputation part two | charles leclerc social media au
pairing: charles leclerc x fem reader
a new season dawns but that doesn't mean we don't have a map to our buried hatchets
MASTERLIST | BUY ME A KO-FI? | PART ONE
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charles_leclerc
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liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 3,221,783 others
charles_leclerc: ferrari has been home for as long as i can remember, even before i joined the academy, the dream of driving for ferrari gave me a purpose. i am heartbroken it hasn't worked out, but formula one is, at the end of the day, a selfish sport and i have to think about my real goal here: to win a championship. ferrari has an amazing history, but that is what it is history. in the four years i have been here i haven't seen the drive and ambition to be as ruthless and as complete as they were with michael and with kimi. therefore i have to leave. it hurts me to leave the tifosi, but know you're always in my heart and i will always hold dear your support. grazie regazzi essere ferrari ❤️
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user3: i knew it was coming but HOLY FUCK CHARLIE COME HOME
user4: tifosi lecfosi YES SIR
user5: for real i'm down for him not that clown team
yourusername: i'm proud of you charlie, i knew how much this took. but you have to put yourself first at some point. i love you
charles_leclerc: i love you too. i'm sorry i can't stop crying
yourusername: no i love that you are so passionate. it's been a long season and you're finally allowed to let it all out
charles_leclerc: can we go to a rage room?
yourusername: FUCK YEA
maxverstappen1: pretty please may i join. i have a lot of rage. call it teammate bonding?
charles_leclerc: give me a tow in bahrain quali?
maxverstappen1: fine (NO ONE SCREENSHOT THIS OR HOLD ME TO IT)
yourusername: at least this one i don't mind having to third wheel us
user6: the SHADE that's mother right there
user7: trying to stay insanely normal over the fact that max, charles and y/n are besties
pierregasly: congrats calmar, HOWEVER, i though i was your favourite third wheel 🥰
yourusername: but you bring kika ??? how can you third wheel if kika is there? DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO COUNT?
charles_leclerc: thank you pear i love you brother
user8: i love how this is some super sentimental post and y/n is asking pierre if he can count i hope they never change
landonorris: max as fave third wheel ??? @alexalbon @georgerussll63 twitch quartet erasure
yourusername: womp womp
alexalbon: WOMP WOMP?
charles_leclerc: guys i'm sad about leaving my dream team where is the compassion?
georgerussell63: yeah boo hoo there are bigger things at play here I DID NOT SIT THROUGH YOUR TEN HOUR MELTDOWN ON AN APPROPRIATE TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY GIFT NOT TO BE TOP THIRD WHEEL
yourusername: you fools really will argue about anything huh
landonorris: this is the sanctity of our friendship on the line here
user9: the grid was really like YOU might be sad about leave ferrari but we ain't
yourusername
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liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc and 1,421,455 others
tagged: charles_leclerc
yourusername: holibobs with sharlie
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user10: i love as soon as the season finishes charles becomes THEE instagram boyf
user11: j.peg account? no. just taking photos of y/n? YES.
charles_leclerc: i have an eye for beauty
yourusername: heheheheheheehehehehehee
alexalbon: so he can use a camera? why does he only take 0.5s of me?
yourusername: the best angle for your big ol dome
alexalbon: EXCUSE ME ?
yourusername: yeah sorry that was a bit far
alexalbon: it's like you got off the ferrari leash and now we all have to suffer
yourusername: WELP
charles_leclerc: ma belle, the only one i'll actually listen to and put sun cream on
yourusername: yes you will because we...
charles_leclerc: put spf on everyday !!
yourusername: yes! because...
charles_leclerc: we're scared of aging?
yourusername: no?
charles_leclerc: we want to be safe 👍
maxverstappen1: you guys done with the kindergarten reading lessons?
yourusername: have you seen lobster leclerc? this kind of work needed to be done
user12: lobster leclerc? goodbye, goodbye, goodbye you were bigger than the whole sky
user13: see now i'm confused cause why are some papers saying that they're breaking up? or that charles is embarrassed by the way y/n acts?
user14: bestie we've been through this DON'T TRUST THOSE HOES - TRUST THESE HOES
liked by yourusername
user15: unless i see it from the horse's mouth I WILL NEVER BELIEVE THEY'VE BROKEN UP
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redbullracing
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liked by yourusername, christianhorner and 882,339 others
tagged: charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1
redbullracing: charles the qualifying king takes his first pole position for red bull in his first race and is joined by max for a front row lockout
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user18: UNWELL
user19: suck on that ferrari xoxo
user20: *rubs eyes* is that... max being happy to be challenged by a teammate ???
user21: winning three championships really takes the heat off huh
yourusername: THAT'S MY MAN YALL
charles_leclerc: love you baby
yourusername: love you too darling
maxverstappen1: love you three 🫶
yourusername: this is not the problem i thought we'd have when coming to red bull
maxverstappen1: my gf can't make most of the races so you WILL deal with me
user22: max being clingy to charles and y/n is so fucking funny to me
user23: sainz not making it out of q1? shwartzman only making it to q2 but still out qualifying carlos? charles looking sexy in blue? EVERY TONGUE THAT RISES AGAINST CHARLES LECLERC SHALL FALL
christianhorner: mega job boys, let's keep our eyes on tomorrow
maxverstappen1: tell them they have to let me come to dinner with them
christianhorner: isn't this the exact reason we rehired daniel
charles_leclerc: PLEASE MAKE DANIEL COME TO THE NEXT RACE
maxverstappen1: erm rude
charles_leclerc: i'm sorry i'm not used to a teammate that actually wants to be friends for real
yourusername: EXCEPT SEB WE LOVE SEB
yourusername: but for real max emilian i am monitoring the dutch papers... be very careful
user24: healthy teammate relationships (for now) ??? is this what heaven is like
user25: are you telling me that if max doesn't get the lead in the first lap he might actually HELP charles .... a certain spanish individual could never
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charles_leclerc
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liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 2,778,451 others
tagged: yourusername, maxverstappen1
charles_leclerc: wow !! a 1 - 2 in our first race i couldn't be happier. this car is a dream to drive and i'm so grateful to red bull for being so welcoming. teamwork makes the dream work
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user26: tears in my eyes
user27: okay i understand both of them are like with their forever partners but lestappen is also real TWO THINGS CAN EXIST AT ONCE
yourusername: SHARLIE OMG YOU TALENTED, TALENTED KING
charles_leclerc: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
yourusername: crying sesh. sharlie's drivers room @ 8. bring your own alcohol and tissues
charles_leclerc: just to make sure everyone knows THESE ARE HAPPY TEARS
landonorris: SAP ALERT GET IT TOGETHER MAN
yourusername: i know lando no-wins ain't talking rn 🤨
charles_leclerc: you walked into that one buddy
landonorris: just because i'm friends with carlos doesn't mean you have to come after me like him ...
this comment has been deleted
yourusername: bold... real bold. you're lucky i'm doing meditation and yoga (and that i want to make a good impression on christian)
alexalbon: lando do NOT look at the text she just sent your your ego CANNOT take it
user28: no no no do spill... i need the ammo if he ever takes out my fave
user29: true i need it for the next time either of the ugly twins at ferrari open their gobs
oscarpiastri: it was brutal. they need to get y/n to host the reading challenge on drag race
yourusername: oscar knows drag race?
oscarpiastri: i might be an athlete but i'm not completely uncultured
maxverstappen1: if we're talking being cultured... GET READY FOR YOUR FIRST RED BULL PARTY
yourusername: born ready my university years singlehandedly financed your 'catering budget'
charles_leclerc: no really i think she's actually addicted to the tropical one
maxverstappen1: are you FUCKING KIDDING ME? IT WAS YOU WHO DRANK ALL OF THEM
yourusername: and what?
maxverstappen1: idk i'm still kinda scared of you
user30: the way charles deflected the questions about fred and sainz ? WE'RE FREEEEEEEEE
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yourusername
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liked by taylorswift, charles_leclerc and 1,311,723 others
tagged: charles_leclerc
yourusername: i wanna be your end game <3
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user32: you guys better be end game or like you're paying for my therapy
user33: i respect her dedication to go to every race, make ferrari staff tremble in fear and pull LOOKS
charles_leclerc: i want to be your first string
yourusername: what if we just called taylor up?
charles_leclerc: you know here you call her i'm nervous
yourusername: @taylorswift paris night one, lover and this is me trying ft. charles on the piano?
taylorswift: sure thing
charles_leclerc: why was that so easy?
yourusername: better get practising baby
charles_leclerc: OH GOD
user34: how did we get red bull charles and a taylor collab in one year?
user35: i guess we used up charles' good luck from the last four years SORRY CHARLES
charles_leclerc: i guess you're forgiven...
maxverstappen1: so could you like tell me what you'd call me if i hypothetically fucked charles over... i'm not gonna but like i need to mentally prepare myself to hear it
yourusername: i have faith in you so i haven't thought that far ahead
maxverstappen1: can you please not be too mean i can't take it
charles_leclerc: you wanna come to therapy with me buddy?
maxverstappen1: i think i might
yourusername: when we entered the reputation era i did not think it would lead to taking max verstappen to therapy
maxverstappen1: and taylor swift?
yourusername: ... and taylor swift
user36: this is all very cute and all but can we have mean y/n back
user37: when will yall learn that reputation is a love album and y/n and charles are just loving each other freely
user38: but mean y/n did teach someone a lesson in not spreading false rumours cause them tabloids have been QUIET
f1tea
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liked by user43, user44 and 7,233 others
f1tea: carlos sainz was caught liking these tweets about charles leclerc and y/n y/ln, what do you think?
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user45: put me in the ring with carlos i am being so serious
user46: okay for a while i was on the fence about y/n and how intense she was being but like seeing this shit and realising it was probably what was being said in the garage she needed to do more
user47: for real if someone said that about my boyfriend i'd be in prison
user48: so charles and y/n were under contract to not say a word out of line about ferrari or anything to do with ferrari and this guy is out here liking this
user49: call me a conspiracy theorist but this was his public account... he meant for people to find it and wants people to know this stuff
user50: this is why he DNFed in the first race KARMA
user51: maybe this is why he's always the one with relationship issues bro clearly has no loyalty
user52: charles has never said anything about him even now and y/n only said something in retaliation
user53: fuck peace and love y/n needs to give this man hell
user54: read him for filth
user55: bro needs to keep his twitter fingers to himself and focus on not being in the wall ❤️
charles_leclerc
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liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 2,311,885 others
tagged: yourusername
charles_leclerc: this is why we can't have nice things, darling
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user56: this is the most response we'll ever get from charles i fear
user57: allow me to elaborate: this is why we can't have nice things by taylor swift is about 'forgiving' the people who wronged you but she literally says "and here's to you because forgiveness is a nice thing to do... i can't even say it with a straight face" so basically charles doesn't forgive carlos or fred. and it specifically shouts out her family and friends and lover for sticking with her which is what charles' family, friends and y/n have done
liked by charles_leclerc
user58: thank you for service
yourusername: i'm reading what they call you lately (it says you're a race winner and a title contender)
charles_leclerc: got a taste of the celebrations and can't get enough
maxverstappen1: KEEP IT PG THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE
charles_leclerc: you're older than me
yourusername: all we said were celebrations, if anything you have the dirty mind 🤨
maxverstappen1: i am usually in the room next to you, i hope this helps
charles_leclerc: our bad <3
maxverstappen1: you don't care do you?
yourusername: not really no. when we get to the same amount of wins as you maybe it'll wear off
maxverstappen1: not on my watch
user58: is this an entertaining title fight but without the bad blood?
user59: and nowhere near ferrari? bless
alexalbon: i hate that i understand all these references
yourusername: lily trained you well
lilymunhe: like a drill sergeant
yourusername: as you should
sebastianvettel: proud of you charlie, i'm glad you're not wasting your talent
charles_leclerc: i love you seb, i'm sorry it took so long
sebastianvettel: make sure you win here, we can be ferrari failures together
yourusername: *ferrari failed you
sebastianvettel: i knew there was a reason i liked you
fin.
note: SOZ. so like i am still working on requests but that radio message FUCKED ME UP. so this had to happen. glad my queen girls (max and charles) did well today, hope you enjoyed !!!
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inkskinned · 1 year
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i love my therapist but i hate being in therapy. 10 minutes before my appointment, i'm in a meeting with my boss - we discuss my artistic choices; my boss recommends i artistically choose less. 10 minutes after therapy, i wash my hair and think about everything that was said, and then i have to switch it off, like a lamp, and go back to work again.
i was on a walk the other day and someone had the perfect combination of his cologne and whatever-else. it was almost exactly his scent. i fucking hate that. after all these years, i remember that? i tell my therapist - i feel like a fucking wolf. try telling a middle-aged blonde lady. oh i scented him on the air. i'm 30, and i'm having a panic attack over something that would be a plotline in the omegaverse.
what they don't tell you about mental illness is that if you are lucky enough to survive it into adulthood; it becomes a weird slice of your life. because you do, eventually, have to build a life. i realized in a panic somewhere around 22 - oh. i don't know what i'm fucking doing, because i always assumed i'd just go ahead and die. i didn't die, and i'm grateful for that, and i'm very happy about that choice. but it does mean that i am an adult in an apartment, living with my conditions side-by-side like. oh, that's my roommate, adhd. ignore the glass, bytheway, that's ocd.
so you pick your stupid life up by the scruff of the neck and you're, like glad for it (so much laughter and light and friends you would have never thought possible, when you were in the worst of it). but it feels so strange to be dancing around these odd little microcosms, these patchwork moments of your symptoms. if you have a panic attack at night, you still need to wake up and walk the dog in the morning. if your depression is making everything boring, well, you don't have any sick days left, and a job's not really supposed to be that exciting anyway. your ocd tears out each individual leg hair, and then, an hour later, you sigh, patch up the bloody bits, and go get dinner with friends. and the life is kitten-quiet, mewling and pathetic, but it's also like - it's yours, so you're fond of it.
and it's like - you're real. so you still enjoy pushing the shopping cart really fast and then riding on the back of it down an empty aisle. and you're not, like, so sick anymore that when you accidentally drop a mug you burst into tears (except for the days you do that. which are bad). and no, you're not allowed around certain items anymore. oops! but you've learned to be good about brushing your teeth most days of the week. and yeah sometimes in the middle of the day you have a little freak-out about how fucking unfair it all is, how fucking hard, how other people can just do this without having to fucking hurt the whole time. and then you sigh and force yourself to sit down and fucking journal about it so you can tell the nice middle-aged blonde woman yeah i had a hard day but i practiced grounding. you still sometimes want to burst out of your own skin, but you force yourself to eat kind-of healthy and to take your vitamins. you let yourself chop off all your hair in the sink in a dramatic poetry of control and relief - and you also have developed good hobbies that help you move your body more frequently. you feel helplessly behind, lost in the shuffle - but you also practice gratitude, taking stock of what you have garnered. because you're trying. even if you're never gonna be normal, you have something... close enough.
and the little kitten of your life, this mangy, starlit tigercub, this thing you expected to rot so young: in your arms, it turns itself over, belly-up. exposing this new soft part, all the organs and guts. like it's saying i trust you now. you won't give me up.
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nariism · 8 months
Text
you're mad at him.
you're mad at him and he knows it. you've been giving wriothesley the silent treatment ever since you arrived at the fortress of meropide, bandages in hand and a flurry of curses erupting nonstop from your mouth.
not a single word has been uttered between you since you sat him down in his office. despite refusing to speak to him, much less look him in the eye, you're dutifully bandaging up his raw knuckles like you remember sigewinne showing you back when she decided to go on vacation.
"it's very easy," her voice rings in your ears. you bite your tongue to prevent yourself from snarking back at her imaginary presence.
you only hoped she was enjoying herself up on the surface, accompanying neuvillette for the first time in ages. while she absolutely did deserve a vacation, you wished that she had given wriothesley a stern set of instructions to take care of himself in her absence.
if she did, maybe you wouldn't have had to come all the way down here just to witness him in such a state. your poor heart can't take this kind of worry.
the warden has come out the pankration the most unscathed, only sporting a split lip and bloody nose. his knuckles are red and cut, but it's nothing in comparison to the two inmates who had decided it was a good idea to incite a riot in what should be a controlled environment of the prison.
physically, he's fine. emotionally, he's having a complete meltdown.
he can't take this silence anymore; can't bear having you be upset with him, knowing that he should have been more careful about rushing in to stop the riot himself. the prison is crawling with guards for a reason, yet in his haste he decided it would be faster to intervene alone.
"hey," wriothesley calls out softly, timid despite his looming presence over you. "i didn't mean to worry you or–"
"why can't you be more careful?" you suddenly interrupt, voice cracking weakly. you gaze up from where you're kneeling on the floor, bandages halting in the air while you challenge him with your eyes. "don't you know how stupid and reckless that was?"
he holds your stare for a few moments, stunned by your sudden rebuttal. and then you tear your eyes away from his again, focusing back on tenderly wrapping up his hand.
"you always make me so worried staying down here day and night," you continue, voice so quiet he can barely make out your words.
"i'm sorry," he tells you earnestly.
"i know you're strong. i know it. but you're not invincible. would it kill you to cherish your life a little more?"
"i'm sorry," he says again.
you falter, a sigh escaping you as you peer up at him again. there's something softer in the way you look at him now, with all your frustration melting away into concern. you rummage through your bag for a wet wipe before standing to cradle his face.
wriothesley can't breathe when you're being so gentle with him. his hands find your waist and squeeze it to draw you even closer, until he can almost rest his head against your stomach.
"i love you," you finally tell him, and he feels the relief wash over him. "i can't stand seeing you hurt, so please be more careful."
you swipe the cloth under his nose a few times, gently dabbing at the skin and cleaning up the blood that has dried there. his steely eyes drift shut under your warm touch, allowing you to clean his face. when he only nods in response, your hand stops.
"promise me."
he looks at you again, a brow raised at your stern tone. but he would always relent to you, no matter what it is you wanted.
"i promise."
you blink down at him for a second, taking in how beautiful he is underneath his bloody nose. finally, you lean down to kiss the top of his head— a gesture of forgiveness and love that he's grown so accustomed to.
there's sunshine in your smile when you pull away from him to discard the used wipe, all previous signs of anguish gone from your expression.
his heart nearly stops at the sight.
you were right. he should cherish himself more. he can't stand seeing you fret over him even if it is a little endearing.
for now, he'll just enjoy having you take care of him. it's been so long since he returned to the surface, all he wants to do right now is bask in the light you bring down here with you.
"oh nurse," he teases, giving your hips another squeeze. "my lip got busted, too. got a remedy?"
you roll your eyes but press a kiss to his lips anyways.
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© ALABOADOA 2023 — please do not translate or post my works to other platforms.
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yawnderu · 8 months
Text
Perfect Life — Dad!Simon "Ghost" Riley x Mom!Reader
The first night the baby is home, Simon is so elated, mind racing 100 miles per hour. He glances at you and the sleeping baby between both of you, afraid he would crush her in his sleep despite knowing he sleeps like a rock.
What if this time is different? What if he has a nightmare and accidentally hurts either of you? What if someone breaks in? He doesn't have nightmares as often anymore, sleeping with you helps keep them at bay and you both have a fancy security system, yet he'd never forgive himself if anything goes wrong... so he does what he does best; be a guard dog for his girls.
"I love you." He whispers to both of you, laying on his side and looking at you both as if he was examining you in a lab, your breathing pattern he memorized years ago is still the same, and now he's memorizing the one of the little girl in front of him, carving it in his brain just in case if anything is wrong, he'll be able to tell.
It's been almost two hours and Simon isn't sleeping, staying up late and having a bad sleeping pattern became a part of him after so many years serving yet this time he isn't watching an enemy or a facility they're targeting, no, he's watching something much more important. He's watching his wife cuddle the baby in her sleep, her touch delicate yet protective, just as he imagined it would be ever since he found out you were pregnant.
He moves carefully around the bed, hand grabbing his phone and turning the brightness all the way down. Simon looks at you again just to make sure you're asleep before unlocking his secure folder, the corners of his mouth tilting up when he sees the contents of the folder.
It's full of pictures and videos of you, starting back in the day the 141 was formed, until you were heavily pregnant. The latest picture was of all three of you, holding the newborn in the hospital room, happy smiles on both of your faces and pure pride in his eyes. A small chuckle escapes him when he remembers how the nurse he approached seemed scared of him until he asked if she could take a picture of him and his girls, looking around one more time to make sure you were still asleep despite being able to hear your soft snores.
I'm so proud of you. His lips curled up into a soft smile, eyes starting to sting as they did every single time he remembers how far you've come. You look so different from the first time he met you—in fact, you both do, yet you're as beautiful as ever; fresh out of the hospital, no makeup, messy hair, and a peaceful look on your sleeping face while you hold the baby.
Thank you so much. In the quietness of his room and in bed with his two girls, Simon allows the tears to escape his eyes for the first time in years. I didn't even know I could cry anymore.
He plants a gentle kiss on your forehead and does the same for his little girl before laying back down, an arm protectively wrapped around your waist and over the baby, setting a safe distance between him and his little girl in fear of crushing her in his sleep. With one final look at his pride and joy he drifts off to sleep, his behemoth frame used as a protective shield for both of you in case something happens. Deep inside, he knows you're all safe.
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maxtermind · 3 months
Text
if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow
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★ : summary :: when they lose a race ★ : feat :: max verstappen, lewis hamilton, carlos sainz, charles leclerc, lando norris ★ : genre :: hurt/comfort; angst; fluff ★ : word count :: 2.7k
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Max Verstappen
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Max had never felt so distant from you. He had the win in his bag, he started good and was going to give it his all but was forced to retire due to a sudden engine failure while leading the race.
He was rightfully disheartened. The post-race meeting only added to his frustration as blame was thrown around instead of taking responsibility. It only got worse when he walked out of it with a, ‘This is such a waste of time.’
As he ranted in the car, his anger palpable, you listened silently, and caressed his hand when, had gotten a call from his dad.
“Just let it ring,” you whispered from the passenger seat. Your attempt was futile though before he picked up the call and put it on bluetooth in his ear.
You waited until you reached home before discreetly ending the call, giving Max a moment to compose himself. He didn’t let you hear anything but as he sat in his seat, rubbing his face to get rid of his emotions, you knew the conversation had affected him deeply.
Opening his car door, you pulled him out using his hand before getting home before you both took a shower in silence, allowing Max the space to process. It wasn't until you were tucked under the covers, clean and warm, that he finally spoke.
"I just hate feeling like I let everyone down," Max confessed, his voice heavy with guilt.
"You didn't let anyone down, Max,” you reassured him, kissing the top of his hand. “You gave it your all out there.”
"I still feel like I'm constantly disappointing everyone," Max muttered, his voice thick with frustration.
"You're not a disappointment, Max. You're a phenomenal driver, and sometimes things just don't go our way.”
"It's hard to believe that sometimes," Max admitted, his gaze distant and you realized what exactly he was thinking about right now.
"Your dad's words don't define you, Max. You're so much more than that," you said firmly, refusing to let him internalize the negativity.
"It's just… I've always looked up to him, you know? His opinion matters," Max confessed, his tone tinged with sadness.
"But you're your own person, Max. And you're incredible in your own right," you reminded him, squeezing his hand gently.
"I know, but… it still hurts," Max admitted, his shoulders slumping with the weight of it all.
"I wish I could shield you from all of this," you murmured, feeling a pang of helplessness. Your boyfriend nodded softly, looking so so so small that it was physically hurting you to even keep looking at him, his eyes reflecting the turmoil within.
"Hey, look at me," you said, gently tilting his chin up to meet your gaze. "You are loved, Max. Don't ever forget that." "Thanks, Y/N. I needed to hear that," Max replied, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
"Anytime, Max. I'm here for you, through the highs and the lows," you said earnestly, offering him a comforting embrace.
He looked conflicted for a second and you were sure whatever he was about to say was going to officially break your heart into two. Max's voice was barely above a whisper when he admitted it, his expression pained,"It's just… seeing them celebrate my failure, it stings."
"I know it's tough seeing those celebrations, Max, but remember, those people celebrating are just haters who can't accept that someone is doing better than them," you said firmly, trying to inject some perspective into the situation. "Their joy comes from a place of envy, not genuine happiness. Don't let their negativity dampen your spirit."
"I hope you're right," Max said, his voice tinged with doubt. "Thanks for always being there, babe. I don't know what I'd do without you," Max said sincerely, his eyes reflecting gratitude.
"You'll never have to find out, Max. I'll always be by your side.”
Lewis Hamilton
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Your heart dropped the moment you saw the tire puncture Lewis’ car in the second last lap of the race. His frustration and curses echoed through the headphones, reaching you with a painful clarity.
“Don’t tell me to calm down! This is all so shit!” Lewis’s distorted voice cried through the radio. “I was so fucking close!”
As much as it hurt you to listen to this, you decided to keep your emotions at bay so you could handle your boyfriend’s better. Silently making your way through the people in the paddock to the back.
The chaos and disappointment from everyone forcing your chest to hurt a little. The only thought in your mind was how Lewis was probably feeling much much worse than you right now.
You heard his car before you saw him, and when you did, the defeat etched on his face made you want to cry. Lewis seemed drained and defeated, devoid of the usual fire.
“Baby?” You called, catching his attention. He nodded at someone before making his way towards you. Pulling you into a less crowded area before wrapping his arms around your shoulder.
"I don’t think I can face the interviews and media circus after this," he confessed, his breath warm against your neck.
"Should I go get the getaway car ready?" You joked, delighted to hear a small huff from his mouth.
“Can’t really leave before that though,” Lewis replied. “I’m beat, just wish it wasn’t this close to winning.”
Realizing he needed encouragement, you took a deep breath and spoke softly.
"Lewis, it's incredibly tough luck to have a tire blowout so close to the finish line, especially when you were leading so strongly," you said, feeling his grip tighten around you. "But these moments, they test your resilience and determination."
He nodded, his shoulders relaxing a fraction as you continued to rub his back.
"I know it's hard, Lewis, but remember, every setback is just a setup for a comeback," you whispered soothingly.
"I just had my heart set on this win," he murmured, disappointment evident in his voice.
"I know, love, but sometimes things don't go as planned," you replied, offering a comforting squeeze.
"It's like the universe has it out for me today," Lewis said with a bitter chuckle.
"Maybe it's just testing how badly you want it," you suggested optimistically. "Well, it's certainly made its point," he said, a hint of bitterness lingering.
You were about to speak again when he interrupted.
"I just wish it had been enough."
"It will be next time," you said confidently, refusing to let him dwell on the defeat.
"I hope you're right," Lewis said, a hint of determination creeping back into his voice. "Thanks for always believing in me.”
"Always, Lewis. That's what lovers are for," you said, smiling warmly at him, admiring his eyes that had some of their shine back intact.
Carlos Sainz
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The relief you felt when Carlos walked out of the safety car before making his way towards you was indescribable. From the moment his car collided with another due to a racing incident until now, with his arms around your shoulders, you hadn't taken a single calm breath.
It was probably less brutal than what was shown on the screen, given that it happened so fast that none of the drivers had even processed what was happening. Still the incident had left you with a knot of dread in your stomach.
Carlos was okay, you repeated to yourself, but it didn't quell the pounding of your heart or the trembling of your hands. You were trying to stay composed but it was really hard while your boyfriend talked to someone from the team, frustrated that he had to retire so soon.
"Hey, at least you're still in one piece," you pointed out, trying to inject a bit of humor into the situation but it sounded dry and that was when Carlos took a good look at you, his gaze sharpening as he realized how shaken you were. "Babe, are you alright?" Carlos asked, his concern evident in his voice as he reached out to touch your trembling hand.
"I'm fine, just a bit shaken," you admitted, forcing a shaky smile as you tried really hard to stay in the present and not let your brain run rampant.
"I'm so sorry you had to see that," Carlos said, his eyes filled with regret as he pulled you into a comforting embrace. Knowing that he would’ve been the same if it was the other way around.
"I promise I'll be more careful out there," Carlos vowed, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head.
"I'm just glad you're okay," you whispered, burying your face in his chest as you finally allowed yourself to let go of the tension you had been holding.
"It's not your fault, Carlos. These things happen in racing-”
"I know, but I hate putting you through this," Carlos said, his voice filled with remorse. "Let's forget about the race for now, okay? We'll focus on us."
"That sounds perfect," you agreed, feeling a sense of peace wash over you as you leaned into his warmth, longing to put the ordeal behind you.
"I love you so much," Carlos said earnestly, his eyes filled with love as he looked at you. Hands holding you tight against him, grounding you so you could understand that he was real and wasn’t going anywhere.
"Let's get out of here and grab some dinner, just the two of us," Carlos proposed, eager to shift your focus away from the day's events as he led you towards the exit. Mentally making a list of things he would tell you to take your mind off of what happened today.
Charles Leclerc
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You found yourself seething almost as much as Charles after yet another podium slipped away due to a messed up pit stop. It lasted more than a fucking forever at such a pivotal moment in the race.
It really made you wonder whether his team was even working with him or deliberately against him to make sure that neither of them could score more points. He had opted to stay silent, shutting out the media and team meetings, and unfortunately, that meant withdrawing from you too.
“Charles?” You asked after giving him ample time to process the race in the sitting room all alone like he requested.
He simply hummed before taking a sip of whatever his glass held before you carefully took it from his hand and put it on the table. Crawling into his lap to make sure he knew he could lean on you.
"This isn't the solution," you whispered, pointing to yourself. "Talk to me. Mid-life crises are lighter when shared."
“I don’t think I have the brain to make a correct decision ever.”
"Hey, don't say that," you said firmly, looking into his eyes with a mixture of concern and determination. "You're one of the most talented drivers out there, Charles. One pit stop mishap doesn't change that," you assured, brushing a stray hair from his face.
"But it keeps happening, Y/N," Charles replied, his voice heavy with frustration. "I know, love, and it's unfair. But you can't let it define you," you said, cupping his cheek in your hand.
"I understand how frustrating it is, Charles," you said, your voice soft but determined. "But dwelling on what went wrong won't change anything."
"What do you suggest, then?" Charles asked, a hint of desperation in his tone. "Let's analyze what happened today. Break it down step by step," you suggested, gently guiding him to a more constructive approach. "Let's start with the pit stop. What went wrong there?" you prompted, encouraging him to identify the specific issues.
"It was a miscommunication between the crew members," Charles recalled, his brow furrowing with concentration.
"Okay, so how can we prevent that from happening in the future?"
"Maybe we need to implement clearer communication protocols," Charles suggested, a spark of hope flickering in his eyes.
"That sounds like a solid plan. Let's discuss it with your team tomorrow," you said, nodding in agreement.
"But what if they don't listen to me?" Charles wondered, his confidence wavering.
"You're their driver, Charles. Your input is invaluable. They'll listen," you assured him, offering a reassuring smile.
"I feel a bit better now," Charles admitted, a hint of relief in his tone. “I was just so lost, I should've talked to you a bit sooner.” Your boyfriend whispered before leaning down and dropping a soft lingering kiss on your lips, conveying what words couldn't. "I'm lucky to have you, Y/N."
"And I'm lucky to have you, Charles. We make a great team," you replied, squeezing his hand reassuringly.
Lando Norris
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The usual smile was off of Lando’s face. He faced an unavoidable collision with another car in the chaotic start of the race, resulting in damage to his car and an early retirement. Though he tried to maintain a facade of normalcy, the tension in his jaw and the sharpness in his gaze betrayed his true emotions.
Lando typically a laid back playful guy who was always joking around, had retreated into himself on this dismal day, with even the reporters giving him a wide berth. No one has seen him this dejected before and it was killing you.
However, as soon as the race concluded, it was clear why he was keeping up appearances. Lando pecked your cheek and told you to stay put before following the rookie who had collided with his car.
Alarm bells rang in your head and you were right behind him, stopping him using his shoulder.
“Babe, maybe it's best to cool down before confronting him.” You saw him sigh and open his mouth to retort but you were quicker. “Walk with me.”
You understood him obviously, knowing that the incident was beyond his control and shattered his hopes for a strong finish.
"I can't just let it slide, Y/N," Lando said, his voice tight with frustration as he glanced back towards the rookie's garage.
“I understand, Lando, but lashing out won't change anything," you said gently, placing a comforting hand on his arm, relieved when he finally started walking away.
"I just feel so helpless," Lando admitted, his shoulders slumping with defeat.
"You're not helpless, Lando. You're just taking a moment to process everything," you reassured him, placing a gentle kiss against his lips.
"It's just hard to stay positive when everything feels like it's falling apart," Lando confessed, his usual optimism dimmed by disappointment. "I just hate feeling like I'm at the mercy of circumstances.”
"I know, love. But remember, you're not alone in this. We'll figure it out together," you assured him, intertwining your fingers with his. “You, me and the team. He’s going to face penalties anyway.”
"I just wish I could turn back time and avoid that collision," He sighed, letting you drag him to a park nearby for a walk.
"I understand, love. But dwelling on what could have been won't change the present. Let's focus on what we can do now," you suggested, leading him away from the chaos of the race track.
"But what if this affects my standings in the championship?" He wondered aloud, his brow furrowing with worry, a pout evident on his face.
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, babe. Right now, let's focus on taking care of you," you said, your voice filled with determination. "Let's just take this walk and clear our heads, okay? If you still want to talk to him later, I’ll support you."
He was extremely grateful that you pulled him away at the time because not even an hour later, the rookie approached Lando and apologized for his mistake.
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( writing masterlist \ main masterlist \ drop a request ) ©maxtermind // do not copy, rewrite or translate any of my work on any platforms.
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gobblinggojo · 11 months
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"Say my Name."
summary: y/n l/n and inumaki toge have been together ever since they were first years in school together. now, as second years y/n has begun to grow distant with inumaki, instead opting to grow closer to inumaki's best friend, yuta okkotsu. Warnings: NSFW, Threesome, Voyeurism, Rough Sex, Porn With Plot, Impact Play, Inumaki Uses his Cursed Speech, Cheating, Switch Yuta, Dom Inumaki, Sub Reader, Reader Is Written With Female Anatomy, Slight Angst, Overstimulation, Cursing, Slight edging.
Truthfully, you did not know when your feelings for Inumaki had shifted. Honestly, it was hard working on a relationship where there was absolutely nothing to love about the other. Don't get me wrong, Inumaki gave you beautiful feelings of love for days on end--but you couldn't help it; your feelings just, disappeared. Much like water after a drought.
No matter how hard you tried to keep your feelings for Inumaki, you just couldn't. Every little thing he did had started to tick you off after about five months--and for almost a year now you had been putting on a mask in which you hid your true feelings for the beautiful boy behind. You supposed that this is how you found yourself in your current predicament. In the arms of your boyfriends best-friend; Yuta Okkotsu.
You knew it was wrong, that this would just hurt Inumaki more in the end, but truthfully, you couldn't help it. You've sent so many signals to Inumaki, that your feelings were long gone; it was his fault that he didn't seem to pick up on them, right? It couldn't have been your fault; it just couldn't have been. Yuta was a sweetheart, he treated you so well despite betraying his best-friend. You've spent nights in his arms, crying, begging him to help you break the news of your infidelity to Inumaki.
God, why couldn't he have helped you?
You were an awful human-being, and you were aware of it. Maybe that's why you were currently allowing Yuta to absolutely ravage you in your boyfriend's room, atop of his bed.
Loud moans echoed around the dimly lit room as you bounced up and down on Yuta's thick cock; your slick coated all around it, dripping down onto the satin bedsheets atop of Inumaki's bed. No matter how badly you knew you needed to stop, you just couldn't. It felt so goddamn good; his cock inside of your tight cunt--and the way he let out shaky moans against your ear as he helped you bounce up and down.
"F-Fuuck, Y/n--" His words were cut off as he let out a rather loud moan, throwing his head back as you took him all the way in. He felt so fucking good, his cock hit all of the right places inside of you, and you felt so fucking good around his cock. "R-right there! Fuck Yuta, right there!" He slammed you down harder against him, his hips lifting up slightly to reach deeper inside.
"Right there?" His voice was so whiny; so husky and whiny. A moan left your lips as you nodded, your left hand coming down between the two of you to rub at your clit in quick circular motions. "Yesss!" Moan after moan left your lips; you were practically seeing stars.
Yuta fucked you so much better than Inumaki, he hit all of the right places--it just felt so fucking good. Truthfully, you couldn't remember the last time that you came as hard as you did with Yuta; sure, Inumaki gave you orgasms, but they were never as good as the ones Yuta gave you.
A slap to your hand rubbing your clit brought your attention up to Yuta; who grabbed your hand and intertwined your fingers together. "Y-you're squeezing me too t-tight, baby, don't wan' you cumming yet-" His voice was so hot as he leaned in to whisper into your ear. Just the sound of his whiny moans against your ear had you squeezing so fucking hard around his cock.
"Can't help it Yuta, fuck..I-I'm gonna cum-," You let out a high-pitched whine as Yuta stilled his movements completely, thin eyebrows furrowed as he gazed up at you. You panted, trying so hard to catch your breath before Yuta started up your movements once again, slamming you up and down on top of his cock once more. The sound of skin slapping against skin echoed around the room as his movements grew quicker. God his cock was so fucking good.
"Fuck, quit squeezin' so hard, y/n."
"I can't stop," you moaned out, his dick was just so fucking good; reaching all of the right places inside of you. You couldn't help but squeeze around Yuta as he continued to pound up into your cunt, slamming you down to meet his movements. It wasn't long until Yuta let out a loud groan, sitting up to bury his face into your neck and biting down as he slammed up into you one more time, groaning loudly as spurts of his cum shot up into your cunt.
Your eyes rolled into the back of your head at the warm feeling enveloping your insides; gasping loudly as you felt your cunt tighten more around Yuta's cock, milking him for all he was worth. Fuck, you were so fucking close to your end, you just needed a little more time. You slowly continued to bounce up and down on Yuta's cock, trying so desperately to reach your end, all while overstimulating poor Yuta who let you do as you pleased--using his cock as your personal fuck-toy.
"I-I'm so close!"
Yuta only moaned in response, his thighs shaking slightly, muscles spasming, as he laid back on Inumaki's bed, allowing you to continue to ride his overstimulated cock to reach your end. You were so fucking close, your bouncing never once ceased as you chased your high, eyes rolling back into your skull once more and mouth hanging open as you felt yourself coming undone.
"Don't cum."
Your eyes shot open as you felt your release slowly fade away; you were so fucking close. Yuta shot up; eyes wide as he looked over your shoulder at who had spoken. You knew all-too-well who the familiar voice had belonged to--you could feel yourself freeze as you slowly turned your head, face turning red in complete embarrassment at the realization that you had just been caught by Inumaki, fucking Yuta in his own bed.
The male stood in his doorway; his silhouette barely visible in the dim light that came from his now opened door. His usually zipped-up mask unzipped revealing the markings on his face. Purple eyes stared right at where you and Yuta laid, narrowed and holding nothing but anger and betrayal inside.
"Fuck- Toge, it's not what it looks like!" You pulled away from Yuta, trying so hard to rise up from his cock. "Don't move." Instantly, your body slammed back down on top of Yuta, a loud moan left your lips and Yuta's at the feeling of his cock going back inside of you.
The door slammed shut, and all you heard was footsteps as Inumaki walked towards his bed. Yuta's black eyes were wide as he watched hopelessly as his best-friend walked to the edge of the bed, stopping as staring at the both of you, two people that he was supposed to trust, fucking. "I-Inumaki, I swear Y/n had nothing to do with thi-" Yuta was cut off. "Don't speak."
Purple eyes moved to stare right at your fucked-out face, slowly, Inumaki moved to the chair resting in front of his desk. He sat down, hand resting on the visible bulge under his clothes. "Fuck her." He was now staring right at Yuta, his left hand coming out to point at you as if he needed an indicator as to who you were.
You gasped as Yuta shot up, his hands wrapping around your waist and moving you off of his cock, only for a moment before he had you pinned under him on the bed, his chest flushed against yours as he slammed right back into your abused cunt. Your mouth opened in a silent scream of pleasure, eyes rolling into your skull as Yuta began to pound away at your cunt.
The sound of skin slapping skin echoed through the room, moans and whines leaving your lips, and groans leaving Yuta's, as Inumaki watched his best-friend fuck you. Having someone's eyes on you in as your cunt is being rammed into over and over again was such a turn-on that you didn't even realize you liked. Not once had you ever thought about having someone watch you as you were being fucked, not with Inumaki, and certainly not with Yuta. But fuck, did you regret it. Your head slammed back as your body was used as nothing but a fuck-toy for Yuta, mouth hung open in a silent scream as your eyes interlocked with Inumaki's.
Fuck, he was touching his own cock, staring right into your eyes as you were being fucked.
"I'm close again-" Yuta's voice broke your gaze away from Inumaki, your eyes shooting up to gaze at Yuta once more. Black orbs stared right into your own e/c orbs; his face was flushed red, sweat coating his forehead as he continued slamming in and out of you.
Not once did Inumaki stop watching, he was silent as his hand stroked up and down his cock, his pre-cum helping with his motions, watching your fucked-out expression closely as Yuta fucked you so good. "Cum on her," Yuta's head shot up, turning to stare at Inumaki with wide eyes as his body pulled out of you against his will, his cum shot out in white ropes all over your lower stomach and your cunt, coating it in his cum.
Your mouth hung open as you panted, revelling in the feeling of Yuta's come dripping down your pussy and your stomach, Yuta was panting, gasping for air as he moved to lay down beside you. You heard footsteps once more, and before you knew it, Inumaki stood over you.
"Get on your hands and knees; ass up."
Your body moved against its will; coated in sweat and cum as you shifted onto your hands and knees; your back arched, ass up and in the air. You could feel your cunt clench around nothing and fuck, you were sure Inumaki saw.
"T-Toge I swear... I didn't mean it-" A harsh smack to your behind caught you off guard. A loud gasp left your lips; eyes widening as you turned your head to gaze over your shoulder at Inumaki, who stood behind you, lining his cock up against your opening. Your mouth fell open once again in a silent moan as he rubbed his thick cockhead against your cum-coated pussy.
His tip bumped against your clit every now and then as he continued to rub himself up and down on you; a soft moan leaving his lips at the feeling, before his free hand came down on your ass once more, slapping it roughly. Another loud gasp left your lips; your eyes half-lidded as you turned your head and stared towards Yuta, who was watching both you and Inumaki with half-lidded eyes, his hand lazily ghosting over his half-hardened cock.
Inumaki continued to rub his cock against your pussy for another minute or so before finally, he slammed himself right into you rather harshly. "Fuck, Toge!" You screamed out as he began to relentlessly slam in and out of you; his cock ramming against your g-spot over and over again as he fucked you roughly.
His hand came down on your ass multiple times, slapping it over and over again and leaving multiple red marks-- and fuck, did it hurt. You could feel tears welling up in your vision as the pain and pleasure that were overflowing your senses. Fuck, you needed to come so fucking bad.
"Toge plea-" You were cut off by another slap to your ass. "Don't speak." He groaned out as his hips slammed against your own once more. you could feel your arms giving out, forcing you to fall face-first into the bed, ass still up as Inumaki fucked you so fucking good. Almost as good as Yuta, who was still rubbing his overstimulated cock slowly at the sight of you getting used by your now possible ex-boyfriend.
You could feel Toge resting his chest against your back, his hips slamming over and over against your own in a continuous assault of your cunt. Everything felt so fucking good; your body felt like it was on fire as Inumaki continued to fuck you over and over again.
The continuous pattern that Inumaki kept up of him pounding away at your cunt slowly began to turn sloppy, indicating that he was close to his release--You felt like you were going to burst; you really needed to cum. Another loud moan left your lips, eyebrows shooting up as Inumaki's hand came out from behind you, going down and beginning to rub quick circles on your clit; your wetness dripped down onto the bedsheets as Inumaki continued to slam in and out of your cunt-- the added stimulation and Inumaki's words; "Cum" was all you needed before your back arched, body shaking as you came, hard, all over Inumaki's cock.
A loud moan left Yuta's lips as well as he came once more all over his hand, watching as Inumaki slammed one final time inside of you before he came deep inside: his warm seed mixing in with Yuta's from earlier.
A moment passed as all three of you sat there, trying to catch your breaths before Inumaki slowly pulled out, groaning as he watched both his and Yuta's seed dripping out of you.
You turned your head once more, face flushed as Yuta sat up.
"Inumaki, Im so sorr-" Inumaki held a hand up, purple orbs staring at Yuta as he reached over to his nightstand, grabbing his medicine for his throat. "I don't care." His voice was so soft as he spoke, uncapping his medicine and taking a swig of it before setting it down on his nightstand once more. He soon turned his head to look towards you, eyebrows furrowing as he watched your fucked-out expression closely.
"We'll do this again, tomorrow. I'll show you how much of a whore Y/n can be, Yuta."
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schrodingerscougar · 3 months
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Part two for this one. I'm sorry for the cliffhanger in the first part. The illustration is from the amazing @ave661 .
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--
Four months. That’s how much time it took Simon to get out of that hazy fugue state. He didn’t really remember what he had gone through during that time, his brain switched to autopilot after the breakup. He often wondered why it affected him this much when he didn’t even love you. You were just someone he spent time with, someone he tried to play house with for a short while to feel normal.
Still, now as he lay on his bed, watching the ceiling fan rotate to stir up the hot air in the room, he couldn’t stop thinking about you. He even found himself opening a social media app to search for your name from a fake account he had set up a long time ago, and he was shocked to see the most recent photo of you. It was impossible to miss the unmistakable shape of a baby bump under your shirt, and based on its size, you got pregnant long months ago.
When he was finally allowed to go home for a short while, Simon went to see you. He knew he had hurt you, he knew you were probably still mad at him, but he had to know if it was his child. It only happened one time. One night when he tried to fix things by giving you what you wanted, hoping sex could make him see you in another light. Maybe he would finally want you the way you always wanted him to want you. But it didn’t work, and it was after that night he made the final decision to end things with you.
“What do you want?” you asked him when you opened the door.
Simon nodded as he bit the inside of his cheek. This cold welcome was fair enough, he deserved this kind of treatment. Normally, he would have left you alone. But normally, you would have told him you were pregnant.
So he silently pointed at your belly and waited for you to realize what he wanted. He knew you weren't dumb, the pieces would fall into place in a second. And sure enough, you let out a sigh then opened the door wider to let him in.
“Why didn't you tell me?” he asked you as he stood in the kitchen next to you with his arms crossed.
You were busy making him a cup of tea, but you took the time to silently shrug. When he let out a heavy sigh, you looked over at him and said, “I didn't think you'd care, Si. Simple as that.”
You were right. He didn't care. Even now that he was looking at you, his eyes occasionally moving to the bump that hid his own blood, his mind was somewhere else. He was a soldier, he knew how to take responsibility for his actions. You getting pregnant was his fault too. He couldn't just ignore the problem.
“I’ll pay child support,” he assured you.
“No need.”
Simon reached out to put a hand on the base of your neck, but you quickly pushed his hand away before he could touch your skin. “You don’t have to do this alone.”
You inhaled through your nose and held your breath in for a few seconds before finally exhaling. “So what? You’re gonna be around and help us? Take her to a doctor’s appointment or for a stroll around the block?” When you saw him looking down at his shoes, you couldn’t help but snort. “Thought so,” you said.
“I’ll better get going. If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”
Months flew by, but Simon barely noticed. He was on a mission again far from home, risking his life as usual. You never called and he didn’t force it. He accepted that he would have to live with the guilt of making this happen. Since you didn’t want to accept child support, he opened a bank account where he stored that money, hoping that one day he could give it to you or his daughter when she became old enough.
One day he checked your social media accounts like he had done a few times before, just to see how you were. This is when he saw the post in which you announced the arrival of your baby girl. He didn’t make a big deal out of it at first. She was born and she would probably ask about her father one day. If he was still alive then, he would gladly give her a toned down explanation. If not… Well, he left everything to her in his will.
Eventually he began to save the photos of his daughter and he often found himself looking at them. She was adorable, some of her features resembling his own. Her big brown eyes were definitely his; the color and the shape were both so familiar to him.
No one from the team knew about this part of his life. He had never told anyone, because why would he? They were close, they were his brothers, but you and your daughter were carefully guarded secrets in his life. Simon knew the real reason why he never talked about you; he was afraid of the judgmental looks and words.
Two months later, when he entered his apartment again after another round of deployment, Simon didn't really know what to do with himself. He ended up looking at his daughter's photos more and more often and eventually he made up his mind to give her a visit. It had absolutely nothing to do with you. He was doing this for the little girl.
You weren't welcoming but, once again, he couldn't blame you. “I just want to see my daughter,” he said softly, hoping the two of you could avoid fighting.
For long moments you were cautiously watching him, as if you were trying to decide if he could be trusted or not. But then your eyes fell on the big teddy bear he was holding with one hand and you let out a sigh of defeat.
On the way to the nursery, you didn't talk at all. The silence didn't bother him, but still he would have appreciated some words about the little girl he was about to meet. Was he allowed to pick her up? Did she like to be held? How was she? Did she have stomach ache often? Were she teething?
“Be quick,” you warned him when you stopped by her crib.
Simon let out a sigh. “Come on, don't be like that.”
You just rolled your eyes at him before taking a step back to lean your shoulder against the doorframe, arms folded over your chest, eyes watching his every move like a hawk. He found it a little too much, he hated that you didn't trust him. Sure, he hadn't given you many reasons to trust him, but for the sake of your daughter you should have tried.
With a sigh, he rested an elbow on the side of the crib and reached out to touch the baby as gently as he could with his other hand. His own flesh and blood. It was amazing, really. Without asking for permission, he picked her up and couldn't help but smile when the baby smiled at him.
Now that he was holding her close to his body, placing soft kisses on her head every so often, Simon couldn't deny that he already loved his daughter. There was an invisible string between them, something that brought her closer to him that anyone has ever been.
The baby giggled suddenly and it brought an even wider smile to Simon’s face. He could only hope you would let him see her as often as he could visit, but something told him it wouldn't be easy to convince you.
“She likes you,” you suddenly noted.
He put down the little girl then turned to you. “The feeling's mutual.” A faint smile appeared on your lips. “Can I see her some other time?” You nodded. “Thank you. If I can help with anything, just give me a call or send a message. I'll get back to you as soon as I can,” he offered.
You been to walk out of the room and he quietly followed you, waiting for you to say something. He didn't really know what he was expecting to hear, but he had a feeling you were holding back something. And sure enough, after a few minutes of silence you began to talk, scolding him for not even bothering to send at least a text to ask about her before suddenly showing up.
“I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd read them.”
“I'm mad at you, that's true,” you agreed.
Simon leaned against the doorframe as he watched you pace in the living room like a caged animal. He remembered those nights he had spent thinking about on deployment, the moment he saw that photo of you, and he realized that maybe he was missing you.
But how could he miss someone he didn't even love? Or had he developed feelings for you, feelings he tried to hide even from himself? It was way too confusing for him, and he didn't like to be confused. It was a weakness on the field and in his civilian life.
“I should go. If you need anything–”
You came to a halt, turned to him and nodded. “I know where to find you. But can I ask you something?” Simon motioned you to go on. “Why now? Why did you become interested in her all of a sudden?”
He let out a thoughtful hum as he put his hand on the back of his neck. “I saw the photos, how much she looks like me, and… I don't know.” You took a few steps closer to him, but you still kept a comfortable distance. “I've been saving money for her. I want to give you access to that bank account.”
“I don't need your money,” you were quick to say.
“It's for her. Please, accept it.”
You became mad at him, accusing him of assuming you couldn't take care of your daughter you'd been raising on your own from day one. He knew there was no point in defending himself, you were too lost in the hate you felt for him. So he just waited there in silence, letting you finish your speech.
Then, the moment you seemingly finished, he closed the gap between the two of you. He didn't know what he was doing, he just followed his instinct when he leaned down and kissed you. This was probably the first time he truly enjoyed kissing you, and it helped a lot that you were quick to return it.
Maybe this was why he wanted to come here today. To fix things. To try to get a family he'd been craving ever since he lost his own.
(part three)
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luveline · 9 months
Note
I love bombshell reader. Would she ever get jealous?
Your eye is most definitely twitching. The pull and cinch of your lashes and the delicate skin of your eyelid distracts you mildly from the sight in front of you, but not for long. 
You rub at your eye with a perfectly filed nail, smudging intricate makeup all over the place. You remember your mascara only after you've mussed it and groan in annoyance. "Fucking fuck," you murmur, slipping a hand into your jacket pocket. 
"You okay?" Emily asks. 
Using your phone screen as a substandard mirror, you clean up the smudge you'd made of your make up with your pinky finger carefully. "I'm great," you say breezily. 
"You sure? You sound stressed." 
"She's jealous," Morgan says. Smugness lines his face and the otherwise handsome set of his mouth. 
You roll your eyes at him, to his bemusement, and sit back in your cold, leather-backed chair. "Sure, Morgan, I'm very jealous. Of what?" 
"Of our baby boy's new friend, obviously," he says. 
You don't give him the satisfaction of looking back at Spencer where he stands at the bar, nor do you let the practised smile you're wearing falter. Your guts an aching wound and your skin flushed with heat, you reach for the cherry coasting along the surface of your drink and pull it out by the stem, twisting it between your fingers. Unbothered on the outside, and an insecure, hurt mess on the inside. 
It really looked like Spencer was flirting with her. 
You chew your cherry for much longer than you need to for want of something to do, hot tears begging to well behind your eyes. Spencer isn't your boyfriend, you've held hands a couple times and that's that. He's allowed to want someone else. Someone prettier, smaller, she'd had a head of perfect braids and a dewy, do eyed smile. Cherry swallowed, you knock back your drink. 
"Sorry," Spencer starts, sliding into the booth next to you with another cherry sour for you and what looks like an ice cold glass of coke for himself.
You hadn't asked him for a drink and he hadn't mentioned getting you one. For a moment, the ugly weight of envy lifts from your shoulders. "Oh, thank you." 
"I just met this girl at the bar and she had something very interesting to ask me," Spencer says. 
You don't want to hear it. Morgan absolutely does, and with Emily to encourage him, they're happy happy torture you both. "Why's Penelope taking so long?" you ask, trying to change the subject too late. 
"What did she want, loverboy?" Morgan asks.
"Did you think she was pretty?" Spencer asks you.
Mortified, you stare at him. Plainly hurt, to his surprise, you clasp your hands together tightly in your lap. "Why would you ask me that?" 
"Because she wants to ask you out?" Spencer's knee bumps yours. "She thinks you're, quote, intimidatingly pretty." 
Emily and Morgan laugh together gleefully. You're glad this is entertaining for them, but mostly you're relieved. You pick up your drink and take a sip, looking over Spencer's shoulder into the bar for the girl he'd been speaking with. She smiles shyly. 
"I'm assuming this is from her?" 
"What? No, that's from me." 
Your gaze flickers back to him. "Really?" 
"That's my boy," Morgan jokes, swinging his arm behind Emily's seat. She laughs approvingly. 
Firmly back on stable footing, you give Spencer your stickiest grin, looking over his pretty face greedily. He's looking at your drinks rather than you but his torso is turned your way, the backs of his fingers brushing your stocking clad thigh. "Maybe I should go let her down gently?" you murmur, shifting in your seat to turn his way too, flirting with the idea of touching his cheek. 
"You might not need to," he says. 
"How come?" you ask. 
"Well, I… I sort of implied you were taken. You know. With the drink. And I also might've said you weren't interested." 
"Yeah?" You put your hand on his shoulder, tracing a whisper of a path up the slope of it to the base of his throat. "Well, it's a good thing I'm not." 
Emily shakes the small bowl of roasted peanuts, a deviousness about her as she says, "Good for all of us. I've never seen Y/N that jealous before. For once, I thought we'd have to protect her from you." 
You could kill her. Flustered, you tilt your head to one side and look out over nothing, mumbling, "I wouldn't say I was that jealous." 
"No?" Spencer asks. "I can go tell her you've changed your mind." 
"Don't push your luck, Reid." 
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oepionie · 1 year
Text
— "AND WHILE YOU SLEEP, I'LL BE SCARED." overblot gang 
SYNOPSIS: Your lover waking up from a horrific nightmare and scrambling to listen to your heartbeat so he can make sure you're still alive.
⊹ [ cw ] — angst, hurt/comfort, overblot, blood, glass shards injury, anxiety/panic attacks, insecurities, mentions of death, crying (them)◞
⊹ [ tags ] — ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP. GN! READER | riddle tears his room apart, leona feels immense guilt, caring leona, azul having a panic attack, vil being an absolute mess, vil speaks german, shy idia, jamil injures himself accidentally, jamil calls you 'albi' (my heart), malleus immortality angst ◞
⊹ [ w.c ] — 1.5k+◞
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✩—RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS:
It's far past his scheduled time for sleep.
A bitter taste is bubbling up in his throat and frothing against his tongue. Riddle doesn't know what this wretched feeling is. All he knows is that he's terrified. Perhaps that's why he allows himself to disturb your sleep, the maddening emotions slamming against his head becoming too much for him to handle.
"I-I apologize for waking you," Riddle rasps, slipping into your shared bed and burrowing his face deep into the crook of your neck. His breaths come out in quick and fleeting puffs, heart thrumming hard against his ribs.
In the dimness of the night, the myriad of mangled and torn-up books that were strewn and flung about the room in a frenzied fury could hardly be seen. Your gaze flickered down to your lover. The tips of Riddle's fingers were a blistering raw red, his once well-groomed nails now visibly chipped at its ends.
With a touch of your tender hands, you pull him down to rest against your chest.
"What's wrong?"
"I–I just…I recalled the incident of my overblot and how I hit you with that blast. H-How you nearly—" Clamping his eyes tight, Riddle dared not to finish that sentence. The boy trembles in your arms—ears fervently straining to hear the steady and melodic thump of your heart, a melody he feared he would never hear again.
A choked sob tumbles from his lips and your chest aches.
"…I'm sorry," was his quiet cry. "I'm so sorry."
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✩—LEONA KINGSCHOLAR:
Peacefully fast asleep, your back was nestled snug against the Leona's chest while his firm bicep protectively curled around your ribs.
Over the course of your relationship, Leona began to realize how much he loved having you in his arms. You were at peace when you slept, untouched and untainted by the stress and pain you dealt with every day.
He crept his free hand up your torso, cold fingers slipping underneath your shirt, skimming up your stomach, and settling above the spot on your chest where your heartbeat danced vividly against his touch. Leona splays his fingers out more, fixated on how the thrum of your life felt against his skin.
It was a daily struggle to keep his emotions at bay, ensuring that his strong feelings and magic wouldn't hurt you again. The nightmarish phantom of his blot still haunts him to this day. That wrath was an ugly and hideous beast he wished to keep locked away in the depths of his mind for all of eternity.
Yet, at the soft beat of your delicate heart against his sullied hands—Already, Leona finds himself wavering, uncharacteristically weak.
An overpowering mix of stress and strain washes over him, pooling up into watery blobs and flowing down his cheeks in faint streaks as he silently wept.
"Fuck," Leona curses, pulling your dozing form closer to him. "Fuck. Fuck, I'm sorry. You don't deserve this."
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✩—AZUL ASHENGROTTO:
The torment of nightmares was far worse than he remembered, but this dread he felt was unquestionably different, pressing in on him like a frigid cold. The icy sensation seeps into the marrows and dips of his flesh—his sole respite being your touch, which both warmed and scorched at his skin.
"Angelfish." Azul breathlessly sputtered, blindly patting around the bed in search of your body.
Through the fringes of his blacked out vision, he could barely make out your worried drowsy visage. This caused him to panic, pulse picking up, but you were quick to soothe him—reaching a hand out to press against his cheek. Finally finding you, the octo-mer pulled you towards his side of the bed, engulfing you in a tight hug.
Azul tried to stop the flood of tears that layered his face, but your soft lips strewn with kisses on his skin seemed to further elicit his unceasing cries. 
"I'm not going anywhere, Azul. I'm here." You whisper, cradling his face, but he was inconsolable. The octo-mer desperately clawed at your shirt as he pressed his ear deeper against your chest, practically melting into you.
The throbs of your heart echoed through his anguished mind, providing him with some semblance of comfort.
"Don't go….Please…" Azul sputters, body shaking from every deep, labored heave of his burning lungs, "Please."
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✩—JAMIL VIPER:
A strangled scream awoke you from your abyssal sleep, your bleary eyes ripping open to dart here and there around the room in a manic frenzy. The ensuing shattering smash of a glass further threw your thoughts into disarray.
"Jamil?!"
Your lover had stumbled off of the bed, now kneeling against the wooden flooring with the bedsheets pooling around his hips, sheets damp from the shattered glass of water on the floor.
A bloody hand clenched at his palpitating heart, glass shards digging into his skin, as his lungs fought to maintain his breathing.
You sprang from the mattress and skidded in his direction, but Jamil scrambled away from you.
"Albi, no. There's glass. Stay away. You're going to get hurt," Jamil stammered. Holding a shaky hand up, the boy avoided your gaze.
"Jamil—" Brows pinched together, you eased towards him. "I'm not going to get hurt, don't worry."
You stepped over the shards of crystal glass with caution and made your way past, "See?"
Once you were within his reach, Jamil caved in and slowly brought you into his arms—careful with his injury. He could feel the distant sting of the cuts on his hands, but he couldn't bring himself to care.
Leaning down, he lay his head over your heart. Even though the batter of your heart was frantic and panicked, it somewhat provided a steady beat for him to follow as he worked to untangle the complexities in his thoughts. Your lover sunk against you, anchoring himself against the warmth your body radiated.
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✩—IDIA SHROUD:
As the minutes pass, Idia was rapidly losing every meagre amount of confidence he managed to scrape together.
"Idia…honey? Please get up." You croon, running a hand through his flaming hair.
Though it seemed as if he didn't hear anything—Idia kept his head glued against your beating chest, refusing to get up from his position on the floor.
He's been kneeling before you for so long that the rough fabric of his pants burned and skidded against the tender skin of his knees, sending excruciating stings along the threads of his flesh.
"I—No…N-No…I can't." Idia's lips quiver, eyes glossing over as he diverts his gaze. The weight of his arms lay heavy against your legs, elbows resting by your knees while his dull nails dug into the skin at the back of your thighs.
"Why's that?" You whisper.
Idia shut his eyes. The flash of numerous dreams and nightmares he's suffered at the hands of his own demented twisted memories clouded his mind. It did not help that they were all molded out of his own self-inflicted pessimism...cruel and unforgiving. A reason as to why he couldn't bear to look at you tonight, not when the image of your mangled body was still fresh on his mind.
"I-I'm s-sor-sorry…I ca-can't get up…I need to…” he stumbles for words, his breathing picking up its pace. "I need to…need to know you're okay."
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✩—VIL SCHOENHEIT:
"Vil…" You worriedly murmur, pressing your lips against his mascara-stained cheeks, not minding the bitter aftertaste it left lingering in your mouth.
Laying atop the plush silk sheets of his king-sized bed, the dorm leader's eyes were ripped wide open as his chest heaved viciously. It was quite a rare sight as your lover lay vulnerable before you, heart bared open.
Oh, he was an absolute mess.
Dark streams of teary mascara ran down Vil's cheeks, his uniform wrinkled and his golden hair splayed out everywhere—unbound from its braids and tangled up.
The grip of his arms around your midsection tightens as he pressed you up closer against him, his head resting atop your chest. At the sound of your heartbeat, Vil allowed himself to unwind and let your affections banish away even the most ominous of his thoughts.
"Liebling…Es tut mir ehrlich Leid—" Vil rasps, his mother tongue dripping like honey from his lips as he suddenly found it difficult to speak the language he was so accustomed to every day.
Hushing him, you press a fleeting kiss against his brow line and Vil clamps his red-rimmed eyes shut, ceasing to say anything more.
"Hush now. Rest, my prince." You press a gentle kiss to his temple and brush the frizzes of his blonde hair away from his face.
A small smile quirks on his lips as he feels his stomach fluttering from the nickname. The look in his eyes is softly lit, warm like a candle.
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✩—MALLEUS DRACONIA:
One day, Malleus knows, you will be nothing more than wilted and withered ash.
It was a truth that wrapped around him like shackling chains—tearing, whipping and lashing against his raw, bare skin. No matter how hard he pulled, scratched, and screamed at it, the chains remained.
The clanging and grating iron truth about reality cannot be so easily pushed away. Human lives are fickle, and you would inevitably leave him.
Once you do, the fae prince knows he will be a mere shadow of his former self, a wretched and lonesome creature awaiting and longing for his lover who was no more than a ghost of his fleeting memories.
"I apologize for the disturbance, my treasure."
And yet, Malleus presses his hand firmly against your beating heart. A distant marching beat serving as his reminder that you were very much alive and well.
"I truly apologize." Malleus heaves, hands clamouring against your collarbone.
Although thick tension and silence still hung heavy in the air, the dragon basked in the warmth and feel of your flushed skin, a bitter smile gracing his lips as he lay beside you on the bed.
"Sweet dreams, beastie…"
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—TAGLIST:
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hikarry · 6 months
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I'm not really on the team that swears to Jesus and beyond that Crowley lost his memories after the Fall. Yes, of course, he forgot some stuff because, ya know, he has been alive for more than 6000 years and if I don't remember what I ate for lunch yesterday, Satan knows he won't remember every single second of his life, but he remembers the important things
"Ah, but what about him not remembering fighting alongside FurFur or building the thingy with Saraqael?"
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Love, I give you two options:
Those are either some of the stuff he didn't consider important enough to remember OR he is just straight up fucking with them. He does remember, but why reveal it if playing dumb sometimes is good in the long run? Might be useful
Alas, I don't know, but I will die on the hill that he does remember
Which means he most probably remembers meeting Aziraphale. Not because Aziraphale was "important" at the time per se, or because it was love at first sight (because it wasnt, not for him. Bro was so focused on the nebula he didnt even introduce himself when Aziraphale did. He threw him a "Right. Nice to meet ya. Anyway, nebula time!"), but because he was there when Crowley created the nebula and, as he said, he had been waiting for that moment since "well, always". It's an important moment for him, so he remembers. Aziraphale just so happened to be present
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I don't know if that was the only interaction they had in Heaven or not (and that's not the point I'm trying to get to so I will ignore that problem for a later post, maybe), but when the now Demon Crawley was sent up to the Garden, he did remember Aziraphale. That's why he approached him
Cmon, Crowley isn't stupid. Of course he wouldn't approach an angel on the wall just willy nilly and make conversation. He didn't know Aziraphale had given away the flaming sword yet. Just approaching an angel from behind and morph into a demon next to him out of nowhere could be a death sentence. Or at least an A Line for a good smitting
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Yet, he did it. He had at least 3 other angels to choose from but he approached the angel that he remembered from back in the beginning that was kind enough to help him with the engine of the nebula. Hell! I even bet this was not the first time they saw each other in the Garden!
Bet they've seen and observed each other from afar a few times while they interacted with the humans (yes, cause I believe Crawley, before tempting Eve, tried to gain her trust. It's easier to listen to a friend than a random snake) or just around the Garden really.
That's why Aziraphale didn't get surprised when Crawley showed up at the wall, because he knew the demon snake had been around the Garden for a while. He probably even recognized him as the former Star Maker and hoped he was still a little bit of his old self so he allowed himself to engage in conversation
Anyhow, another clue? This:
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He remembers how Heaven works. He remembers he was a high ranking angel. Satan, he remembers the bloody passwords!
Do you know what else he remembers?
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Cause they didn't throw that line in there for nothing. No, gents. Cmon. Nothing is random in Good Omens
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He knows who he was. He remembers being the Star Maker that hung the stars in the sky
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He remembers why he fell, for goodness sake
And the fact that he remembers everything makes all of it so much more tragic, doesn't it? He remembers his life before the Fall, his supposed friends that dragged him into the pit with them, what Her love felt like, the "mistakes" he made that led to his Fall
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And it must have hurt. It must have hurt so much when he found himself in a pit of boiling sulfur with his wings completely burned and without Her love because he remembered it all. He must have been so bloody confused for so long
He might have regretted it. All the questions and the company he kept that made him Fall. But he doesn't anymore.
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He knows he doesn't need Heaven, he doesn't need Hell. They are toxic. All he needs is his pacific fragile existence on Earth with Aziraphale and yet...well, that's something else he won't forget now, is it?
*clears throat*
I rest my case
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