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angryschnauzer · 4 years

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In Another World

Summary: In another world, it was Jensen that got the role of Captain America, not Chris. You have dreamed of meeting Jensen ever since you saw him in his CGI glory in The First Avenger, and your comicon experience you discover to be underwhelming. But then you meet a cosplayer in the bar... and life takes an altogether different turn for you.

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Comicon, Comic Convention, Strangers at a Bar, Cosplay, Captain America Cosplay, Unprotected Sex, Hotel Room Sex, Oral Sex, Fingering, Blow Job, Anal Play.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Female Reader (no race specified)

The above Jensen manip i cannot trace, it was sent to me years ago by a now deactivated tumblr user, with the signature half chopped off. Its the artwork that inspired this fic. In case you weren’t aware, Jensen auditioned for the role of Captain America but it of course went to Chris.

I do not operate a tag list, but feel free to go ahead and follow @angryschnauzerwrites and put that blog onto notifications, as you will then be notified when i post a new story. Oneshots will be posted on Tumblr and AO3, Multichapter stories will be AO3 exclusives.

Due to the amount of stories i have written over the years i no longer have a masterlist, instead please check out my AO3 HERE.

In Another World

You sat at your computer, staring at the screen as you streamed the latest press junket. Marvel was going all out with its ten-year plan for The Avengers and with this press tour for The Winter Soldier you had fallen in love even more with Cap.

As the images streamed live from the far east, you watched as Jensen flexed his muscles and his co-stars laughed in admiration. He was born to be Captain America.

But you weren’t the only one watching.

In a small apartment in Boston another pair of eyes watched with an added level of sadness. He remembered the audition. Standing in the hallway with a bunch of other guys, all in their 20’s, all having a few bit-part roles under their belts in teen TV shows or low budget horror movies. The same green eyes that stared out of the screen had looked at him in the hallway, holding his hand out to shake;

“Hey man. Jensen”

“Chris”

Jensen smiled;

“Strong Boston accent there dude”

Chris chuckled;

“Say the same about you, what’s that Houston?”

“Dallas”

“Eh, close enough”

They chatted for a while as the guys ahead of them in the line entered the room, only to leave 5 minutes later. They didn’t look up at the guys left, no-one wanted to read expressions to give themselves fake hope. The door opened and the annoying droll voice of the elderly secretary called out;

“Ackles”

Chris looked up, holding his hand out to his new acquaintance;

“Break a leg man”

Shaking it briefly Jensen nodded;

“Thanks man”

You clung to your priority tickets, the excitement so intense you weren’t sure if you were going to puke or cry. You hoped for neither. It was your first convention and you had maxed out your credit card and called in sick from work when the special edition tickets had been released, refreshing your computer every ten seconds so that when they had been released online you had made your purchase within 30 seconds.

Now standing towards the front of the queue you were terrified. You had loved Jensen from the first moment you’d seen him in all his CGI glory in The First Avenger. You’d followed his career and had even gone back and watched his entire back catalogue. He was a natural for the role and the stealth suit from the most recent movie had made him look so handsome you had actually swooned when you had seen those first opening scenes of the movie aboard the Lumerian Star.

The con volunteers were doing an amazing job, herding the fans into some form of order, and as you got closer you could hear the laughter and squeals of joy as fans ahead of you were rapidly shown in.

It was your turn. The flimsy black curtain was pulled aside, and you were pushed into the brightness of the well-lit area that was surrounded on all sides by vivid blue panels that bore the con’s logo. Jensen turned and smiled, putting his hand out and you found you were standing next to him. Your head swam;

“Do you have a pose?”

“Umm…” You could see the con workers and volunteers moving their arms in a ‘hurry up’ motion; “I guess… a hug?”

“Sure thing”

He wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pointed towards the bored looking photographer;

“Smile sweetie”

You did. You smiled, your saw blobs as the flash blinded you. You didn’t even register as Jensen pressed his hand to your back, thanking you before turning to the next person who had already been pulled through the black curtain. A volunteer took your wrist and pulled you gently through the curtain on the far side, giving you your photo number as they apologised it was so fast.

The curtain closed and you stood there, blinking as you tried to focus on the small piece of paper you held. It was done. Over. You’d met Jensen and it had been so rushed you hadn’t even had chance to look at him.

The bile started to rise, you looked around and saw a trash can, leaning over it and vomited into the piles of used coffee cups and candy wrappers.

The hunt for a bottle of water at a con hadn’t been something you would think would take so long; a lot of the vendors had already sold out, others the line was so long it would have taken you longer to get the water than the queue for the con in the first place. It seemed as if everyone was walking against you, or you were going against the flow of them, but when you finally got your water you drained the entire bottle, soothing your bile parched throat. Wiping your mouth with the back of your hand you heard an announcement over the PA system;

“We apologise, but the Jensen Ackles panel won’t be broadcast out of the auditorium due to technical issues”

“WHAT?” you grabbed your wrist, looking at your watch as your eyes went wide. You’d been so dazed by your photo op and feeling ill afterwards you had forgotten about the panel. You needed a drink, and something stronger than water.

Chris adjusted the helmet of his costume as he looked in the mirror. The men’s room was quiet, the main panel of the con was on and he couldn’t bring himself to sit in the same room as the guy that had won the role that had made him millions; of fans and dollars.

After not getting the Captain America role Chris had continued to take bit parts and small independent movies. He was recognised occasionally but he hadn’t hit the big time. In fact there were months when there was nothing coming in and it was only after someone had asked him to fill in at a kids party where one of the superhero guys had fallen sick at the last minute did the idea of cosplaying come to him. Now however he was well known in cosplay circles, even getting paid for some appearances. He was called a natural for the role, but that was the hardest to hear. He’d worked hard with his costumer and within just a few weeks of the latest movie coming out they’d successfully recreated the amazing Stealth Suit in its darker colours.

Checking his pants for his wallet he decided he needed a drink, and something stronger than a soda.

Nodding to the bartender, you thanked him as he set the beer down in front of you before he went to the far end of the bar to pull the latest load of glasses out of the dishwasher. You sat picking at the label and tracing patterns in the condensation that gathered on the cool glass. You were vaguely aware of other people coming and going, and when the barstool next to you was taken you didn’t look up.

“What’ll it be Cap?”

The bartender’s greeting drew your attention from your drink, casting your gaze to your side and your breath was sucked from your body. You watched as the man set his helmet onto the surface of the bar before nodding to what you were drinking;

“Same as the lady please”

Your eyes travelled from where his hand sat on the countertop of the bar up the dark sleeve of his stealth suit, taking in his wide shoulders and up to the fluffy dark blonde hair, slightly messed up from where he’d been wearing the helmet. You couldn’t help it, but you were staring. Your jaw was hanging low as he turned slowly to you, his blue eyes sparkling with just the faintest hint of green as he looked at you and a self-conscious smile tugged at the corner of his mouth;

“Hi…”

“You’re… you’re…”

“No, just cosplaying…” he turned back to his beer for a moment until you finally found your voice

“No. You’re Chris”

He set his beer on the countertop and turned to you, this time a genuine smile on his face;

“Do we know each other?”

“Well…” you blushed; “We spoke on Instagram” He cocked an eyebrow, but his attention didn’t waiver from you as you continued; “You’re ‘AlmostCap’, right? You posted about wanting advice on how to dye leather boots a deeper colour? I messaged you with the details of the dyes costumiers use”

His face broke into a wide smile;

“Oh yeah, that really worked! How did you know that?”

“Majored in theatre design at college”

“Well that titbit of knowledge brought the whole costume together” he motioned to his stealth suit and you couldn’t help but to look him up and down; “Without you I wouldn’t look this good”

You snorted back a laugh;

“I’m sure you look just a good without the suit”

Bringing your beer to your lips you took a sip, not realising Chris had moved closer until his lips brushed against your ear;

“Would you like to find out?”

The hotel room door crashed against the wall, the metal doorknob leaving a dent in the drywall. Chris had you pressed up against it, one hand holding you flush with his chest as his other hand blindly reached out for the door to close it. As soon as his fingertips grasped the cool wood he threw it shut with a thud that reverberated through the room.

Your hands clawed at Chris’s costume, desperate to find purchase, something, anything to hang onto and anchor yourself as he kissed you so hard you saw spangled stars. He’d put his costume helmet back on for the rather quick walk through the convention to the hotel where you were staying. His lips traced patterns over your cheek before he pressed kisses down your neck, whispering as he went;

“I don’t normally do this…”

“Me neither…

“...especially in costume…”

“Oh Chris…Cap…”

“It’s Captain tonight, Princess”

His fingers had found their way to the buttons on the front of your dress, skilfully plucking each one from its grasp on the thin cotton fabric, before his still gloved hand roughly cupped your breasts. As his lips found yours again, he groaned into your mouth as he weighed your breasts in his large hands, the rough leather against the lace of your bra sending chills through you. If Chris had a Captain kink you weren’t about to say no, hell, it would be one of your biggest fantasies.

You found yourself being manhandled towards the bed, Chris’s kisses hard and ravenous, and when he wasn’t kissing you his tongue was doing the most devilish things on your skin. The bed touched the back of your knees and you were falling back onto the covers, Chris following seconds later as he pressed you into the mattress. With a thick thigh he pushed your legs apart, the rough Kevlar fabric of his suit brushing against the delicate skin of your soft skin as his fingers sought out the juncture of thighs. The brush of the harsh leather of his fingerless gloves made you groan into his mouth as he tugged your panties to the side and his thumb found your clit. Rubbing small circles, he teased it from its hood, before his fingers slid through your folds to ease some of your slick moisture from you to smooth his efforts.

When his lips left yours you chased after them, but his voice made you settle back against the bed and open your eyes;

“Uh-uh… stay there Princess”

You watched as he brought his fingers to his mouth, before his kiss bruised lips closed around his glistening digits and he moaned as he tasted you;

“You taste amazing”

“Umm… thank you?”

“Here…”

He brought his hand to your mouth and you grasped it as you sucked gently on just the fingertips, watching as Chris’s already lust blown pupils widened even further;

“Jesus fucking Christ, your tongue…”

Letting go of his fingers with an audible pop, you pushed yourself up onto your elbows, resting on one arm as you slid a hand between your bodies and palmed his erection through his suit;

“What about my tongue?” you grinned before you tugged him down to lay beside you.

Pushing up onto your knees you ran your hand down his chest and stomach, the costume warm from his body heat and firm to the touch. Your fingers clawed at his suit to try and find the zipper, and after thirty seconds of searching you let out a huff;

“Ok, how the fuck to I get in here?”

With a low chuckle Chris reached down and lifted a hidden Velcro flap that revealed the button and the top of the zipper, and you eagerly tugged the pants of his suit open. The large bulge in his boxers immediately filled the space of the open zipper, and you found yourself nuzzling against the hardness that the soft jersey fabric could hardly contain. Pressing open mouthed kisses to the hard shaft through the fabric, you felt Chris’s hands on your head, he wasn’t pushing but you could tell he wanted you. With a smile you just about tugged his boxers down enough to free his cock, the thick shaft standing proud from the fly of his stealth suit. You wrapped your hands around it, the flesh hot to touch and pumped him slowly.

“Ah fuck Princess…”

“Yes Captain?”

“Please…”

He sounded wrecked, and as you leant forwards and licked at the bead of clear precum that was pooling at the tip you not only heard but felt the low rumble of his moan of appreciation. Wrapping your lips around the tip you started to suck, your tongue working over the hot smooth flesh as your fist worked up and down, pumping him slowly as you let the saliva pool in your mouth so you could take him deeper. In a moment when you pulled off to take a breath Chris’s hands were suddenly on your hips, moving you until you were kneeling on the bed and straddling his shoulders, and for a moment you squealed where his sudden strength had moved you with such ease.

“Gotta taste you…” he muttered from beneath the skirt of your dress, his hands smoothing over the globes of your ass and you could feel his breath hot on your skin. His fingers tugged your panties to the side and he was pulling you down onto his mouth, his tongue swiping through your soaked folds.

For a moment you lost yourself, Chris’s efforts driving you closer to orgasm than you thought was possible, but you found your senses and leant forwards again, taking him as deep as you could and you felt his moan deep in your cunt as he almost came on the spot. Working your fingers into his suit you cupped his balls, feeling them tight and hot in your hand as you sucked hard on his cock. At the same time you felt Chris drive his tongue into your soaked hole and his thumb sought out your clit. Your orgasm was rapidly approaching, and you could feel your legs start to shake. The harder he drove forwards the deeper you took him into your mouth. You heard a muffled cry from between your thighs and you felt that first tremble of the thick vein that ran the length of his cock. At the same time you felt his fingers dance over the crack of your ass, one finger pressing lightly against your dark rose and you were cumming over his face as he pumped thick ropes of cum down your throat.

When your legs were about to give out you tactfully rolled to the side, laying on the bed next to Chris as he fought to catch his breath. With laboured efforts he wrenched his helmet off, and you propped yourself up on your elbows to watch as he started to fumble with his costume;

“Gotta get out of this…”

Watching a hot guy strip was not something you’d experienced before, and a hot guy dressed as Captain America? Well that was hitting all your buttons in one go. You smiled as Chris was muttering to himself;

“Fuckin’ suit, so fuckin’ hot… fuckin’ drenched in sweat…”

When he was down to just his pants you finally spoke up;

“Need a hand there Captain?”

Chris looked up and grinned;

“You mind if I use your shower?”

“Sure thing, it’s all yours…”

Chris started for the small bathroom door, his utility pants hanging low on his hips before he paused and turned, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth;

“Wanna join me?”

Showering with a guy you had literally just met was a surreal experience. The comfort and security of being partially clothed during a hook-up was completely stripped from you as you stood in the small shower enclosure the hotel room offered. Chris had looked absolutely sinful as he had stood beneath the cascading water; his skin patterned with multiple tattoos and just the right amount of chest hair that made you want to run your fingers through it as the hot water coursed over his body. Your fingers had trailed down over his hard stomach, tracing the trail of hair that led to his thick cock hanging heavy between his muscled thighs.

His lips had met yours eagerly again, and he soon had you pressed against the wall, his leg wedged between your thighs as you ground yourself against the firm muscle. Chris’s hands found your ass and eagerly pulled you hard against him, trapping his now angry cock between your bodies;

“Fuck… you’re so fuckin’ sexy” he muttered against your ear, his fingers digging into your asscheeks; “You gonna cum for me Princess? Soak my thigh?”

“Yes Chris, please…”

“What do you need Princess?”

“Something…. Just more…”

He pulled back from you, searching your expression for something, anything as he chose his words;

“I can give you more…” The depth of tone sent a shudder down your spine; “I’m gonna ask you this and you can say no, and I won’t walk out that door if you say no, but do you like ass play?”

You growled. You god-damn growled like a feral wildcat, nodding eagerly;

“Yes Chris… fuck, yes…”

He captured your lips for another fierce kiss as his hands slid over your ass and one finger trailed up the seam of your cheeks before pressing gently against your rear;

“Now Princess” he muttered against your lips; “I haven’t got any lube in here so it’ll just be a gentle press, you tell me if you want me to stop”

You nodded, biting your lip as he pushed forwards, one hand gripping your hip as he slid you up and down his soaked thigh, the other pressing gently but insistently against your back door.

Just that stimulation alone was enough, and you were cumming hard, your head pressed against the cool tiles as Chris sucked a hickey into your neck.

You stood there panting as you tried to regain your composure, Chris holding you tight in his arms as he gently caressed you as you finally came to your senses. Nuzzling against his neck you felt him push his hips forward, his thick cock hard again against your hip;

“Ready for another round?”

“Anything for you Cap” you grinned.

The pair of you had fallen back onto the bed, half dry and oblivious to anything other than pleasure. Body heat rising, you felt your back naturally arch as Chris lay on top of you, pulling his knee up to part your legs further and you could feel his thick length laying hot and hard against your soaked folds. As his other leg pushed up and parted your thighs even further, you felt that first nudge of his tip at your soaked entrance, your legs instinctively wrapping themselves around his waist and with one firm squeeze you felt his breach your body and slide into you.

The base noise that escaped your throat as you felt each glorious inch stretch your velvet walls was music to Chris’s ears, and he let you take the lead even though he was the one on top, letting your body grow accustomed to his size. His lips brushed against your ear as he spoke softly;

“You’re doing so good Princess, feel so fuckin’ amazing, takin’ me so deep”

You slowly relaxed your thighs grip on his waist and Chris started to move, sliding his hips back as he slid out, before pushing slowly back in. Propping himself up either side of you, you watched as his arms bulged as he looked down and watched as he pulled out again, your wetness liberally coating him.

With his tip just notched inside you whined at the loss, before with a powerful thrust he filled you completely;

“Holy FUCK!”

“Do you like that Princess? Like my thick dick splitting you open?”

“Fuck Chris, yes, do it again… please!” you whined.

The gorgeous man above you grinned down, seemingly turned on by your begging, and with a loud grunt he started to pile drive into you, his impressive girth stretching you in all the right ways, the slight upward curve to his shaft making your g-spot his number one target with every push. The man was a demon in bed, fucking you hard as he pressed kisses to your chest and breasts, all whilst uttering the dirtiest things about how good you felt, how well you were taking his dick. You begged for more and he eagerly gave it, fucking you through one orgasm before chasing another. His thrusts started to get sloppy, his hips stuttering and he cursed quietly under his breath;

“Fuck… I’m gonna cum soon…”

“Cum inside me… I’m on the pill…”

He pushed a hand between your bodies, rubbing hard circles against your clit and soon you were coming, your orgasm triggering his, and you as your body milked the cum from his body you both felt like you had found heaven.

With a grunt Chris rolled to your side, his dick sliding out of your soaked channel and he lay on the bed, his head propped up on one elbow, his dick full and swollen at your hip, still shining with your combined fluids. Your body trembled with the aftershocks of your intense orgasm, and you practically purred when Chris gently ran his fingertips over your breasts;

“That was fuckin’ amazing… I’m probably going about this the wrong way, but can I buy you dinner?”

“That’d be nice”

Dinner had been a fun affair; you had redressed, and Chris had worn his stealth suit pants but just wore the thin Under Armour undershirt instead of the full suit. Although the hotel was well used to people in cosplay costumes during the conventions using their facilities, Chris didn’t want to draw attention to himself, instead he wanted his sole attention to be able to be on you rather than people asking for photos. Throughout your meal the conversation had been fun and light, Chris telling you how he had in fact auditioned for the Marvel role but didn’t envy the craziness that came with the now worldwide recognition that Jensen had to put up with. You had explained how you now worked for a theatrical costumer’s agency on the West Coast, but had heard about some openings for a new series production out of Vancouver.

Chris laughed softly;

“Typical… I fall for a girl that lives on the opposite side of the country”

“You… you’ve fallen for me?”

Chris paused, resting his hand over yours;

“I’m sorry, I’m kinda sappy when it comes to relationships… and I gotta be honest, when I saw you at the bar, I recognised you from your Instagram and when you helped me… I was trying to play it cool…” he took a deep breath; “I hope I’m not scaring you off…”

Leaning forward you pressed a kiss to his cheek;

“No… it’s nice… its more than nice…”

Once the meal was over the pair of you stood in the foyer, unsure what to do before Chris pointed out the rest of his costume was in your room.

“Where are you staying tonight?”

“I was meant to be crashing on a friends couch”

Grinning you pulled him close;

“Did you want a bed rather than a couch?”

“Fuck yes”

Minutes later you were crashing in the door to your room, Chris’s hands and lips trying to cover every inch of your body, and this time with the knowledge of how his costume worked you knew exactly how to get his pants open, tugging them to the floor as you pushed him into one of the chairs and knelt at his booted feet. With his dick in your mouth he was soon hard again, but that was when he took control, standing and moving you until you were knelt on the soft chair arms looking out of the high rise window over the convention center and city below, the lights of the city oblivious as he flipped your skirt up and pulled your panties down, and filled you with one smooth thrust;

“Fuck… this pussy is fuckin’ perfect, you feel like heaven…”

Wrapping his strong arms around you he pulled you flush with his hard chest, sucking at your neck as his dick rubbed so beautifully against your g-spot you were coming again, screaming out your release as Chris pulled out and lifted you, pulling you to your feet before you found yourself pressed against the wall and he filled you again.

Clinging to his wide shoulders you felt him filling you over and over, your pleasure climbing higher than you ever thought possible. Chris’s strong arms were holding you up, his large hands gripping your ass as he fucked you into the wall, your legs wrapped around his narrow waist;

“Chris, I’m gonna cum…”

“That’s it, cum for me, let me feel that pussy milking me as I fill you up… you feel so good, I’m never letting this pussy go…”

As you came so did he, your walls squeezing him so tight he thought he may pass out from the sheer pleasure. For the longest time he just held you there, your bodies joined until Chris’s dick softened enough to slip out of you. Letting your feet fall to the ground you kissed as you made your way to the bed, falling onto the mattress before wrapping the covers around your flushed bodies, falling asleep soon after.

The sound of a phone ringing pulled you from sleep, the warm body next to you grumbling at the sound before it rapidly jumped out of bed;

“Fuck, that’s my phone”

Through bleary eyes you watched Chris’s naked ass as he rummaged through the piles of clothing on the floor, finding his phone and answering it just in time;

“Yeah… uh-huh… for real?! Yeah absolutely! Send me the details, I’ll be there!”

You watched as he listened a little longer before ending the call, turning to you and he had the biggest smile on his face;

“I might have gotten a part!”

“Really? That’s amazing!”

“Yeah, they want me to do some screen tests with a possible co-star, see if there’s chemistry”

Jumping out of bed you ran and hugged him, kissing him deeply as he carried you back to the bed;

“I feel like celebrating… how about breakfast in bed?”

“Ok, I’ll call room serv… oh…”

Chris was pushing your legs apart and kissing up your inner thigh, and that’s when you realised he was talking about a different kind of breakfast in bed. As you lay back and enjoyed the magic he could perform with his tongue, you blissed out from pleasure.

Three Weeks Later

Chris finished the last scene, the director calling cut and he grinned as he looked at his castmates. None of them could quite believe how they were there, standing in a cold and rainy British Columbia small town, with writers and directors that had been trying to get their series picked up for years.

The rest of the cast of ‘Supernatural’ was a small ensemble, and having been given the role of the older brother; Dean Winchester, Chris felt at home with the role and had been given he contract straight after his screen test with his on screen brother Sam. Laughing with the actor that played Sam - a native New Yorker by the name of Sebastian - the two of them had immediately clicked and their friendship and on screen chemistry shone through the camera.

“Hey Evans, Stan!”

The sound of the producer’s voice caught Chris’s attention;

“Yeah?”

They need you two back at the studio, costume fitting”

“Sure thing”

The sound of the small doorbell that had been fitted on the counter drew your attention from the racks in the back room, calling out for your new arrival that you’d be out in a second. The job you’d applied for in Vancouver had pulled through, and it was your first week. A new show that needed a lot of men’s casual wear, yet things like jeans and jackets needed seams strengthened for fight scenes and pockets added for prop weapons. You were yet to meet the two main stars of the show, the casting having not been fully finalised until just days ago, and everything was hush-hush until it was going to be announced at one of the late summer conventions.

Dumping the armfuls of clothing onto the counter you turned and almost fainted;

“Chris?!”

For a second he looked in shock before he vaulted the counter, and took you into his arms;

“You’re here? You’re really here?”

“You’re the star?! You didn’t tell me!”

You kissed him deeply, before a quiet cough from behind Chris drew your attention, Chris turning;

“Seb, I want you to meet the girl I was telling you about”

The other guy raised an eyebrow;

“You’re THE girl? Wow, it’s a pleasure to meet you” he held his hand out over the counter and you shook it, Chris still holding you in his arms; “I’m Sebastian but everyone calls me Seb”

Looking at the two of them you knew in that moment the show was going to be a hit, and you looked forward to making these two look even better on screen… if that was even possible.

#chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans smut #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you

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artificialqueens · 4 years

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Not Nineteen Forever (17) (Branjie/Scyvie/Ninex) - Ortega

a/n: hey angels! thank u for ur patience, here is yet another chapter of the hellscape that is n19f. as i said on my blog, u will either love this chapter or hate it. either way let me know what u think!! this is a big chunky one at 13k (ik i’m treating u during this quarantine) so grab ur snacks and settle in. lots of love, byeee!

trigger warning: a little light drinking xo

please note: this fic contains young adults often behaving in irresponsible/unadvisable ways with regards to alcohol, drugs and sex. if you are someone who feels as if they could be heavily influenced by fic and incorporate what happens in the plot into ur own life, pls steer clear!

summary: Brooke, Yvie and Nina are three flatmates who forged a friendship in their first year of university and picked up some other waifs and strays along the way. Now in their final year, there are feelings that need to be unravelled and confessions to be made whilst navigating drunk nights, hungover mornings, takeaways, group chats, library meetups, cafe gossiping, and the small matter of getting a degree.

last chapter: Scarlet celebrated her birthday by helping Nina win back Monet, a surprise party organised by her girlfriend, and a suspiciously civil Brooke and Vanjie.

this chapter: from one birthday to another, the gang heads out to the country to celebrate Brooke and Akeria’s 22nd. everyone seems back on good terms, but will the combination of hide and seek, truth or dare, a hot tub and of course a lil bit of alcohol change anything?

***

“Holiday!...da-da-da-dum-dum-daaa, Celebrate!”

Brooke rolled her eyes, unable to help herself laughing as Nina rolled her suitcase towards Monet’s car. “It’s hardly a holiday, is it, girl? Overnighter in an airbnb in the middle of buttfuck nowhere?”

“Listen, I’ll take what I can get, thank you very much,” Nina raised her eyebrows, as Monet lifted the door of the boot up and Nina heaved her case inside.

“Oh, what a compliment,” Monet quipped from beside her, Brooke making a sick noise as Nina slid her arms around her girlfriend’s waist and gave her a squeeze.

“Not with girlfriends, obviously. You’re a Tesco Finest girlfriend. Not a smartprice girlfriend,” Nina explained, Monet smiling proudly and nuzzling their noses together. Brooke already wanted to vomit and she wasn’t even car sick yet.

“Pack it in, bitches, or Monet’s uninvited,” she deadpanned, pushing herself off the wall she was currently leaning against and looking up at her bedroom window, ignoring the girls’ shouts of indignation. “Right, have you got everything, yeah?”

“Have you seen the size of this bitch’s suitcase? I think she has literally managed to pack your kitchen sink,” Monet cocked an eyebrow at Nina, who elbowed her in the ribs. Nina produced her phone from the pocket of her dungaree dress.

“Hey Google, can you divorce your girlfriend?” she asked into the speaker, Monet howling a laugh and shoving her.

“Seriously, guys, I haven’t packed enough anti-sickness tablets for this,” Brooke said dryly, making her way to the passenger door.

“Oh, are you planning on recreating the great rail replacement bus fiasco of ‘18?” came a voice, Brooke turning round and narrowing her eyes at her smug flatmate, emerging through the door with her girlfriend and a small holdall bag.

“I was sat hungover opposite the toilet on a three hour coach journey, what the hell else was I expected to do?” Brooke defended herself. Yvie sat down on the wall outside their building, Scarlet joining her.

“Hmm, all I’ll say, Monet, is that I hope you have at least three empty plastic bags in the back seat with her,” she advised smugly, Brooke wishing she was still leaning against the wall so she could shove her off it.

“When is Plastique coming for you guys? Can I arrange for you to be sitting in the middle of the road when she drives up it?”

“Hey, what the fuck did I say?!” Scarlet yelped, outraged.

“You’re a bystander, Scarlet, and a bystander is worse than a bully,” Nina remarked sagely, Monet nodding along in support.

“Besides, I’m allowed to bully Brooke. It’s part of the lease,” Yvie shrugged, fixing the huge round sunglasses that had been on the top of her head and positioning them so they were right at the bridge of her nose. The March sunshine was welcome; it made Brooke feel happy, optimistic of things to come. Even the small scrub of grass out the front of their stairwell had bright purple, yellow and white bulbs poking through it, bringing a defiant sense of beauty to their surroundings. Brooke had been so pleased with the weather when she’d opened her curtains that morning that she’d packed a bunch of clothes she usually reserved for the summer. It felt odd wearing her denim skirt without the black tights she’d clad herself in for the past three months, but it was a welcome feeling. Yvie hadn’t really seemed to get the Summery memo other than her sunglasses- a huge knitted jumper covered in holes hung off her skinny frame and a pair of thick exercise leggings kept her legs warm.

“You couldn’t spruce yourself up a bit for my birthday, bitch? I feel like any minute now you’re going to start dancing around the street moulting straw singing about how you desperately want a brain,” Brooke smirked, Yvie simpering a fake smile and giving her the finger in response.

“It’s only fifteen degrees, Brooke, it’s hardly time to crack out the Kopparberg and blast T Shirt Weather yet,” Scarlet laughed. It was a bit hypocritical, Brooke thought as she looked Scarlet’s outfit up and down- a floaty, lacey dress and a pair of white Adidas- but of course she would defend her girlfriend. It wasn’t actually fair, contemplated Brooke. Scarlet and Yvie would always team up, so would Monet and Nina. Brooke had to fight all her battles herself.

“Besides, your birthday is over! Move on, hoe,” Yvie smiled, running forward and shaking Brooke’s shoulders relentlessly as the other girls laughed uproariously in the background. Brooke laughed and batted her away, knowing she was just joking. As she shoved her friend off of her, a familiar grey Audi drove up their street and pulled in behind Monet’s car. Plastique gave her horn a little beep, waving and rolling down her window.

“Let’s ride, bitches! I’m so ready for this weekend,” she squealed, as Yvie and Scarlet rushed to shove their bags in the boot of her car.

“I think I’ve been ready since we booked it,” Nina sighed, stretching. “Right, let’s go, girls! Dun-duun-da-na-na-dun dun.”

As Nina continued singing Shania Twain and hopped in the passenger seat of Monet’s car, Brooke passed by Plastique’s window and gave her hand a squeeze. “You know how to get there, yeah?”

“Up the motorway then off at junction 4 and then just follow all the signs for the B road. We good,” she nodded, then gave a laugh. “Kiki’ll probably end up in France somehow, you know what her sense of direction is like.”

“Yeah, but she’s got Silky and Vanj to direct her. She’ll be fine,” Brooke shrugged, thumping on Plastique’s door and making for the other car. “Right, see you ladies at the airbnb!”

Monet blasted her horn once, twice, three times as Brooke dashed into the back seat and buckled up. As Nina connected her phone to the aux cord and started blasting typically Nina-ish cheesy music, Brooke felt an excited little smile creep up on her face, slapping her hands against her thighs to the beat. The past almost-a-month had gone by quickly, and Brooke and Akeria’s shared birthday trip away had arrived before Brooke had known it. It had been booked on a whim, an excited message from Akeria on the group chat about a potential birthday night out had grown arms and legs until suddenly the girls were all transferring her money for a night in the country to jointly celebrate her and Brooke’s birthdays. They had turned 22 within ten days of each other, and the girls had all decided that the amount of money they would have spent on two big nights out- Ubers, big bottles of vodka for pres, club entry, club drinks and cheesy chips at the end of the night- probably equated to the same, if not more, than the amount they would drop on a boujie house in the country. The house they had booked was huge- five big bedrooms with floor to ceiling windows, a lounge straight out of a murder mystery drama with plush sofas, towering bookshelves and a massive roaring fire, a kitchen with a table big enough to fit them all round and an aga with what seemed to be a thousand burners- though whether anyone would know how to work the damn thing was anyone’s guess, Brooke thought with a snort. The icing on the cake of the whole place, though, was a huge section of outdoor decking with a hot tub set in the middle of it. To most of the girls it would be like living somebody else’s life for the weekend, but, Brooke thought mischievously, to Plastique it would probably seem the same as a weekend at home.

Brooke was glad they could all do something like this, go away together after what had happened. She didn’t really know what had happened to Vanessa to make her warm up to her so unexpectedly. It had all started when they were preparing for Scarlet’s birthday surprise; Brooke remembered how hard her heart had been beating that morning as she’d known it was the first time she’d be properly seeing Vanessa since they broke up, having to wipe her sweaty palms on her jeans as the door to the kitchen had opened and Vanessa, Akeria and Silky had walked in. Akeria and Silky, to their credit, had been fine and normal with Brooke, despite the amount of dragging through the mud they had probably done to her name when they’d heard the news of her and Vanessa’s breakup. Vanessa, (understandably, thought Brooke) had hugged Yvie, Plastique and Nina, but not Brooke, the obviousness of the action lost in the frenetic melee of the girls seeing each other all at once. Brooke had preferred that, though. She wouldn’t have wanted the awkwardness of reminding herself how perfectly her arms seemed to fit around Vanessa, the brief scent of the Aussie shampoo she used in her hair, her head against her chest even for just the tiniest second.

After that, Vanessa had started with the digs. Brooke had thought she’d had malicious intent at first, until she got bored and decided to fire back.

(Yvie’s voice had yelled from the hallway. “Who’s made the cupcakes yet? Anyone?”

“Well if it’s Brooke, we all dyin’ tonight.”

“At least I can make something! How much do you drop on Deliveroo in a month, like, half your student loan?”)

With each verbal sparring match, Brooke had watched as the small, sardonic snorts Vanessa had given evolved into a full-blown beaming smile, the kind she always used to shoot Brooke’s way with the perfect white teeth and the tiny dimple and the little blush that hit her cheeks. It was almost painful knowing that Brooke had given up that smile. And that had been the moment. The moment that Brooke had finally admitted to herself what she’d been wanting to deny all this time- she deeply wished she hadn’t ended things with Vanessa, that she’d fought through the ick and given it at least more of a shot than she had. Now Vanessa had moved on and she was seeing someone else and she was happy. Happy without Brooke. Why had Brooke broken up with her so quickly?

She was an idiot.

“She was an idiot.”

Brooke snapped out of her trance, blinking and trying to figure out how Monet had managed to get inside her head. “What?”

“That woman. Blue car. Completely cut me off,” Monet rolled her eyes, frowning as she inched forward in the traffic until she was almost bumper to bumper with the car in question.

“Oh M'net, don’t start a fight,” Nina sighed, resting her knees against the glovebox.

“I’m not! I’m just letting a bitch know that her misconduct was noted,” Monet growled.

“Her misconduct was noted? God, you’re such a teacher,” Nina laughed, a big chuckle with loads of heart that made Brooke smile.

“Hey, so are you!”

“Stop fucking bickering or I will take your vocal cords and strangle you with them!” Brooke cried, tiring quickly. She watched Monet smirk in the rear view mirror.

“It’s alright, Neens. Just because Brooke’s jealous of happy couples and regrets breaking it off with Vanjie-”

“Wait what? I don’t…oh, Nina, for fuck’s sake! I told you not to tell anyone!” Brooke snapped, training accusatory eyes on her friend. After Scarlet’s birthday, she’d told Nina what she’d told Yvie, just in a little more detail, and she’d been more sympathetic than her other flatmate, making her tea and nodding understandingly as Brooke vented at her. Nina was usually good with secrets, a reliable and trustworthy friend. Brooke couldn’t understand why she would-

“Ahahaha!!! BITCH! You just totally exposed yourself! Oh my God!!” Monet screeched in time with her tyres, thumping her hand against the steering wheel. Brooke was confused, her heart still thudding. “Nina ain’t told me shit but I got eyes and ears, an’ I saw you two flirting at Scarlet’s. All damn day and night. You don’t act like that with someone you just broke up with.”

“Yeah I’m afraid you just spilled your own secret, Brooke,” Nina deadpanned from the passenger seat, giving a little laugh.

“Shit,” Brooke sighed, putting her head in her hands. “Great. Well, you probably think I’m a total asshole, Monet.”

“Hey, I’m a very chill person! You do you, girl. You wanna get with Vanessa for 3 months, break up with her for one and then get back with her again, that’s no business of mine,” Monet shrugged, a twinkle in her eye.

“Yeah, I know I made a mistake, thanks,” Brooke sighed, biting her lip as she let her thoughts wash over her. Monet had a unique angle on the whole situation. She lived with Monique, of course, and that whole thing was still going on between her and Vanessa, if a message Vanessa had accidentally sent to the group chat last week was anything to go by. Brooke had wondered for days on end whether it had actually been an accident or not, the content of the message sending her crazy with jealousy as it was essentially just Vanessa begging Monique to come round and fuck her into the mattress. She’d considered whether or not it could have been deliberate, but the absolute roasting Vanessa had received afterwards from the other girls couldn’t have been worth it if it had. Brooke considered asking Monet for some inside knowledge, decided against it, and then did a U-turn as she concluded that her pride and dignity were already bruised so she might as well go the whole hog and shatter them.

“So, uh…Vanessa’s still seeing Monique.”

Monet ran her tongue over her teeth. “She’s certainly round at the flat a lot.”

“So is that, uh…I mean, do you think that’s going to turn into anything more, or…?”

“I don’t know, girl, I don’t know if it’s my place to say.”

This is like pulling teeth. “Do you think they-”

“They’re having a lot of sex.”

“Monet!” Nina burst out in a shocked laugh.

“What?! They are!”

“Excellent!” Brooke exclaimed sarcastically, staring out the window as the city around them turned into fields and the houses turned into service stations.

“C’mon, Brooke, you have to admit you do kinda deserve this a lil’ bit,” Monet laughed, Brooke rolling her eyes from the back seat.

“Right, both of you shut up. I’m officially banning any conversations about pining or relationships until we get to the house. We sing, we eat snacks, occasionally we play I Spy. That’s it,” Nina scolded them, turning around in her seat and staring Brooke down. Brooke had never felt more like a disgraced teenager in her life.

“Ughhhh, fine, Mom,” Monet groaned, changing up into fifth as they hit the motorway, the weekend becoming more real and making Brooke tingle with excitement despite the news she hadn’t wanted to hear.

Just as Nina had ordered them, the three girls spent the rest of the journey singing at the top of their lungs to Vengaboys, B*Witched and Cascada, Brooke on crisp duty as she passed the cavernous bag of barbecue rib McCoys forward every five minutes or so, Monet making hurried grabs at crinkle cut crisps in between changing gears. Brooke managed to avoid the dreaded travel-sickness that had plagued her since she was about six years old, much to Monet and Nina’s delight. The sun didn’t let up, and it still hung proudly in the sky as the girls pulled up the leafy, tree-lined driveway to the house they’d booked, the branches hanging low and curling around each other signalling they hadn’t been cut in a while. Spying Akeria’s Corsa and Plastique’s Audi already parked, Monet pulled up alongside the huge white house, the little set of three stone chimneys on the roof puffing out smoke and letting the girls know that at least one room wouldn’t be too cold inside. As Monet neatened up her parking, the sound of Silky’s screeching cut through the crunching of wheels against gravel, and the rest of the girls spilled out of the front door shortly afterwards. As soon as the car had stopped, Brooke excitedly hopped out of the passenger seat, hugging any girl she could reach. Before she knew it, she’d found herself pulling out of a quick hug with Vanessa, and the two were in front of each other.

“Hey,” Brooke decided quickly to speak first, setting the tone so there wouldn’t be any awkward pauses.

“Hey! How was your ride? Get here okay?” Vanessa asked politely, tucking a strand of her caramel hair behind one ear. She was dressed in a tiny little cropped black jumper and some faded grey jeans, Brooke trying to ignore her mind reminding her of how right it felt to wrap her arms around Vanessa again, how tiny her waist was and how much she wished she could go back for another hug- for fuck’s sake, cut that shit out.

“Uh, yeah! It was fine. Traffic wasn’t too bad. How about you?”

Vanessa let out a laugh. “Shit was like Wacky Races. Akeria nearly rammed some old cunt off the road. I’ve never seen road rage like it, we genuinely feared for our lives. Or her license. Oh my God, this house is insane. C’mon, you need to see it!”

There was a split-second where Brooke felt Vanessa tug at her hand, which was quickly dropped as if the action had never happened. It was almost as if Vanessa had been on automatic pilot; the ease with which she used to slip her hand into Brooke’s hadn’t been forgotten by either of them. And then Brooke felt Plastique leap onto her back like a monkey, and the girl was excitedly chattering away to her, and the moment had passed.

Brooke barely had time to take in the huge cream-painted hall with the varnished cream stairs stretching practically up to the ceiling when Plastique steered her down two steps and into the kitchen, grey stone tiles making Brooke’s feet feel cold even through her trainers and the huge wooden table overflowing with assorted snacks. Akeria and Scarlet clung to the rail of the AGA, the two girls clearly feeling the cold in the chilly kitchen.

“Did any of us actually bring a meal between us or are we just going to live off of Twirl Bites and Classic Dip Selections?” Yvie wondered, picking up a four-pack of various dips. Brooke laughed.

“Hey, there’s pizzas in the fridge! Do y’all really think I would let you starve?” Silky piped up, opening the huge fridge to reveal at least ten pizzas, more than they would eat in one night.

“Nobody goes hungry in the presence of Silky Nutmeg Ganache,” Plastique smiled proudly, holding her fist out for Silky to punch. As the girls’ fists connected, Brooke watched as Vanessa scraped a wooden chair out against the stone floor.

“You girls wanna have a munch and then get wrecked?”

“Hmm, if we get drunk too early then there’s no way we’ll be able to work this oven,” Scarlet shrugged, biting her lip and frowning.

“Yeah, we’re gonna struggle to operate this sober,” Monet considered, opening up one of the oven doors and investigating.

“Well how about we snack and then play a game? I wanna play hide and seek in here,” Nina bounced on the balls of her feet excitedly. Akeria snorted.

“Hide and seek, you’re such a child. But to be fair, that could be fun. Or sardines.”

“What’s that?” asked Brooke. “I don’t know if we had that but called it something else.”

“That one where one person hides and everyone else seeks,” Yvie explained. “It’s way better. Way more chaotic.”

“Sweet. I’m down,” Brooke shrugged. She was glad that all of the girls she was friends with were happy to dick about and play kids’ games for an afternoon, and it was the kind of thing she’d miss when she graduated and would have to find a job.

The girls were all feeling peckish after their long drive, though, so they all grabbed the nearest snacks they could and headed upstairs to the living room, where Akeria had managed to start the fire which was crackling warmly in the huge marble fireplace. They all dumped their food on the huge glass-topped coffee table and had a little explore around the house before they relaxed. There was a surplus of bedrooms, and it had been agreed that since they were celebrating Brooke and Akeria’s birthdays, the two girls should have a bedroom to themselves each. Brooke’s bedroom had a huge bay window out to the rear of the house where the fields stretched for miles, and an actual four-poster bed.

“I can’t help but feel like you guys should take this room and I should take yours,” Brooke said with a pang of guilt for Yvie and Scarlet, who had dumped their things in the room they were sharing and had come to investigate Brooke’s.

Scarlet made a noise of discouragement. “No, it’s fine! This’ll get cold anyway, it’s so big. Our room’s cosier.”

Brooke watched Scarlet share a smile with her girlfriend and wrap both of her arms around Yvie’s. “Yeah, honestly, Brooke, it’s fine. Scarlet would manage to bump her head and toe and Christ knows what else on all four of the posts anyway.”

Scarlet burst out into offended laughter, letting the girls know that she secretly agreed a little bit.

“How’re the others?” Brooke asked, peering down the little corridor with the exposed wooden beams and hearing chatter and Monet’s deep laughter coming from the other rooms.

“Plastique, Silk and Vanj are all in together. I think V drew the short straw so she’s on the sofa bed,” Scarlet gave a shrug.

“That’s unfortunate,” Yvie commented, raising her eyebrows at Brooke slightly.

“Behave,” Brooke smacked her, not appreciating the implication. Vanessa had only just become friends with her again. They were hardly going to spend the entire night going at it like rabbits just because Vanessa wasn’t looking at her like she wanted to kill her anymore. “Come on, lovebirds. I feel like I haven’t shovelled enough crisps down my throat today.”

The three girls made their way to the living room again, where Nina and Monet were draped over the sofa and snacking on some sort of jelly sweets. Gradually the other girls joined them in drips and drabs and they spent the time chatting and gossiping in their usual way- about anything and everything under the sun. Brooke kept finding her eyes being drawn to Vanessa. It wasn’t entirely her fault- she was sitting opposite her, and often Brooke would find her already looking her way. Although that could have just been Brooke’s imagination. God, she didn’t even know anymore.

“Right!” Nina cried, as everyone looked dangerously close to slipping into a snack-induced coma. “Sardines time!”

“Kiki should hide first, it’s her birthday!” Silky argued immediately, Brooke only the tiniest bit affronted.

“Hey, hey, it’s Brooke’s birthday too. Also, I feel like y’all are way more enthusiastic than me about this, so I really don’t mind.”

“Brooke hides first!” Nina shouted unnecessarily. Brooke stood up from the sofa and rolled her eyes.

“Wait, so everyone is after me? Christ. This is like that nightmare I had about being on Hunted.”

“Good luck tryna squeeze that Jolly Green Giant-ass body into any of these cupboards, bitch!” Vanessa yelled across the room to uproarious laughter, Brooke turning round in time to see Vanessa stick her tongue out at her.

“Oh, like you can talk! Are you not the same size as an actual Subway sandwich?” Brooke bit back, sticking her tongue out right back and feeling an excited fizz in her stomach as she caught Vanessa blushing slightly as she laughed. As the other girls joined in with the mocking and all piled on each other, Brooke spotted two girls who weren’t laughing- Akeria and Silky were looking at each other knowingly, a look that seemed to convey disapproval. What the hell was their problem? If Vanessa was fine with her, then that meant there was no reason for the two of them to hold a grudge either, right?

Brooke frowned, trying not to read too much into it. She turned around and headed out the door. “Okay, count to 100 then, bitches!”

As she heard the others all start chanting descending numbers like a terrifying cult of mathematicians, Brooke began dashing around the house for a place to hide. She ran past the bedrooms, assuming that the others would check there straight away. Brooke considered going behind the porch door, but then thought that might end up being too obvious. She found herself in the kitchen, and to her delight she noticed a huge wooden door set into the wall that had to be a cupboard. Opening it, she saw what looked to be a pantry- shelves and shelves with only a couple of tins left by other guests at the house. It was good, but Brooke didn’t think it was a particularly great place to hide until she spotted another door at the very end of the pantry- slightly smaller with a little circular handle. As Brooke turned it, she was confronted with a tiny dark room, with only the blinking lights of the boiler that sat inside to illuminate it.

Perfect.

As Brooke hopped in, she could hear the blood roaring in her ears and her heart thumping. She wanted to giggle. This was exactly how it had felt to play hide and seek when she was little, and she couldn’t believe she was a grown-ass twenty-two year old still feeling the same way. Hell, she couldn’t believe she was a grown-ass twenty-two year old playing hide and seek. Gradually, she began to hear the sound of footsteps thundering above her, the old ceiling creaking and letting Brooke know the girls were on their way. Then, it all went silent for a while. Brooke breathed out heavily. Just then, she heard the door to the pantry open and one set of footsteps shuffle through it. They dashed to the end of the room and then seemed to be satisfied that there was nothing more to investigate- until Brooke heard them do what seemed to be a double-take. Keeping her breathing silent, Brooke stood frozen to the spot as she saw the door gradually open with a long, murder-mystery style creaaak…

Shit.

Vanessa stood at the doorframe to the cupboard, a shit-eating grin on her face. “I’ve been tellin’ Yvie I’m the best at hide and seek, but she ain’t believe me. What’d that take me, two minutes?”

“Yeah, good job, Poirot,” Brooke smirked, although it was hiding a multitude of nerves. Her and Vanessa, stuck in a tight, dark space together until the other girls found them. This was fine. This would be fine. “Right come on then, girl, you need to get in.”

“Fuck no, I ain’t goin’ in there! That’s a straight-up spiders’ nest, fuck that.”

“Just get in!” Brooke grabbed her gently but firmly by the wrist and dragged her inside, closing the door behind them. It was entirely dark except for the small strip of light where the door met the doorframe, which illuminated Vanessa’s hair and collarbones. There was a small beat of silence in which Brooke’s eyes adjusted to the darkness again, and when her vision had settled she could see Vanessa smiling at her cheekily. “What?”

“There’s a spider in your hair.”

Brooke rolled her eyes. “No there’s not.”

“There is! A big one. It’s some Harry Potter type shit, I swear.”

“Shut up, Vanessa, I’m not falling for that shit,” Brooke snorted a laugh, squashing the unease that began to creep up on her.

“It’s got, like, a billion eyes.”

“Has it.”

“An’ forty legs,” Vanessa bit her lip, trying not to laugh.

“What the fuck kind of biology classes did you go to? A spider with forty leg- JESUS!” Brooke all at once cut herself off, feeling a movement at her shoulder, her hair flicking against her neck slightly. She gave herself such a jolt that it felt like whiplash, and she watched as Vanessa laughed at her brushing wildly against her shoulder. Brooke was confused when her hand connected with another hand. Vanessa’s hand. How the hell she’d managed to reach up there without Brooke’s notice was anyone’s guess, but she’d certainly done what she’d set out to do. Brooke launched herself forward and squeezed a hand at Vanessa’s waist, laughing as the other girl screeched in response. The two girls descended into giggles, Brooke having to fend off Vanessa’s playful swipes as she berated her.

“Shut up, bitch! You’re going to get us caught!” Brooke laughed, grabbing one of Vanessa’s wrists in each hand. Suddenly, both girls paused, the compromising position they were in dawning on both of them. The memory of when she used to pin Vanessa to the bed with both her wrists and kiss her neck shot through Brooke’s mind like a hot iron, unwanted and welcome all at once. In the darkness, she could see Vanessa’s single raised eyebrow.

“You telling me you don’t wanna get caught?” she murmured, her voice low and making the atmosphere charged and thick with something that hadn’t been there before. Brooke squeezed her thighs together. This couldn’t turn into something else. She couldn’t let it.

“Well, that is the whole point of the game,” Brooke said, trying to inject as much level-headedness into her tone as she was able. To her dismay she watched as Vanessa’s eyes took on a dark twinkle.

“Oh, right, uh-huh. The game. Sure,” she smirked, Brooke only able to laugh in response because that way she wasn’t saying anything. This situation was fucked. It was so weird. Vanessa was flirting with her, unprompted. So what did this mean? That she still liked Brooke? That she wanted to be friends and was just playing? What did this mean for her and Monique? They couldn’t be that serious, then, if Vanessa was doing all this? Or maybe they’d fallen out and Vanessa wanted her to be jealous? But what was the point of making somebody jealous who wasn’t here? What if her and Monique were together and Vanessa was cheating? What if-

“AYYYYYY FUCKIN’ HOES! Yes! I’m shit-hot at this game, Jesus!” Silky threw the door open, screeching her head off and sending every thought that Brooke was overthinking into the stratosphere.

“Stop yellin’ bitch, and get in!” Vanessa laughed. As Silky squeezed into the ever-decreasing-in-space cupboard, Brooke felt her throat almost close up as Vanessa shuffled up against her to make more room, tilting her head up, locking eyes with Brooke and sending her a look that she couldn’t decipher before looking away and whispering to Silky.

They were eventually found by the other girls- namely because there was no space at all once Scarlet arrived so Plastique found half of the girls with one toe in the cupboard and the rest of their bodies outside of it. The game carried on, but Brooke’s head wasn’t properly in it. She would deliberately put in the bare minimum effort when she was looking for the girls because, really, she wouldn’t know what to do if she was stuck in another confined space with Vanessa. Why had it turned so weird before? All flirty and edged with something she couldn’t work out. It wasn’t right- Vanessa was meant to be mad at her, meant to hate her and never want to speak to her again and somehow they’d gone from civil, to nearly-friends, to eye-fucking each other in a boiler cupboard in the space of a month?

The encounter was still playing on Brooke’s mind as she got ready for dinner. The girls had all decided that they would “do a Love Island” (in the words of Akeria) and all get glammed up to sit in the living room and play games after they’d eaten. It felt funny to be putting on a dress, heels and fake lashes without the possibility of going out anywhere, but the methodical process of putting on her makeup was a welcome distraction from the swirling thoughts in Brooke’s head.

“Ayo,” came an unexpected voice, causing Brooke to flinch a little and drop the lipgloss she’d been applying moments before. Looking behind her in the mirror she saw it was just Yvie and Nina. Usually she’d have been happy to see them, but right now she was doing too much overthinking and couldn’t let on what had happened earlier between her and Vanessa. So Brooke just stuck on her best fake smile as she turned around to face them.

“Hey! You guys look so good,” she complimented them, Nina smiling and Yvie giving a little snort.

“Well I didn’t want to be accused of not making an effort for your birthday again,” she poked her tongue out at Brooke and tugged a little at the beads on the hem of her short gold dress.

“If you trip in those heels I hope you know that’s, like, instant paralysis,” Brooke commented, looking at the spikes of Yvie’s six inch stilettos. When the girl did glam, she did glam, Brooke had to give it to her.

“As if Yvie needs to be any taller than she already is,” Nina laughed playfully.

“Awh, she needs to be tall so she can look down on her smol bean uwu girlfriend,” Brooke teased, Nina continuing to giggle and Yvie giving an amused roll of her eyes.

“What’s up with you anyway, bitch? You’ve been, like, extra bitter around all the couples today. It’s supposed to be your birthday, cheer the fuck up,” Yvie gave her a little nudge with her foot. Brooke frowned. She didn’t think she had been being bitter, but maybe Yvie was right. Fuck, what had she even said today? Brooke hoped that Vanessa hadn’t noticed anything.

“No, that’s not true. I’m fine! Just…” Brooke sighed, the bingo-hall-style tombola spinning rapidly in her head to generate an excuse. “…exams are soon, you know, and I’ve not started revising yet-”

“Oh my God, bitch, they’re in May! This is March! Chill the hell out,” Yvie laughed, pulling Brooke up from her position on the floor by the long mirror in the corner of her room. “Let’s go eat pizza. If Monet and Plastique have worked out how to cook them in that 1920s horror oven.”

As Yvie excitedly strutted out of the room and Brooke made to join her, Nina reached out to squeeze her hand.

“You’re a crap liar, Brooke Lynn Hytes,” she hissed quietly, Brooke rolling her eyes and making to protest when Nina spoke again. “But I won’t push it. I just wish you’d open the fuck up more.”

Brooke felt guilty. “I just don’t…it’s something I don’t want to overthink, Nina. So the best way you can help is helping me stuff myself full of carbs then pouring a 24 pack of San Miguel down my throat.”

Nina nodded understandingly as they reached the top of the stairs, Brooke holding back a snort as she watched Yvie cling to the bannister for dear life as she descended. Nina gave her hand another squeeze, then dropped it. “I can do that. You look beautiful, by the way.”

Brooke shyly looked down at her short, black one-shoulder dress and smoothed it down. “Thanks, babe.”

Nina’s smile suddenly turned scheming. “And so does Vanessa.”

Before Brooke could protest, Nina was bounding down the stairs in her bright white Filas that she’d paired with her blue and white checked dress. It wasn’t as formal as Brooke’s or Yvie’s, but that was the beauty of having a glam night in a big house where it was just them- nobody could judge you for being over or underdressed.

As Brooke followed her flatmates into the kitchen, she was met with the sight of her friends all happy, chatting, and in their best outfits. Annoyed at herself, she found her eyes darting around to find Vanessa. She wanted to know why Nina had said what she’d said, wanted to know if she was just winding her up.

And then her eyes came to rest on the most gorgeous version of Vanessa she’d ever seen, and her anxiety dipped, did a loop, then spiked. They were both in black- some dumb coincidence that the earth had sent her way, no doubt- but Vanessa’s was shiny, a vinyl dress that clung to her as if it was made of latex and painfully highlighted every curve of her body. She’d paired it with red heels, which had straps that snaked their way up her calves and showcased her perfect skin. Her dark hair had been blow-dried out (probably by Akeria, Brooke guessed) and fell in perfect waves down her back and over her shoulders (had she fucking highlighted her collarbones?). Her makeup was, as usual, perfect, a dark shock of eyeshadow and an indecent red on her lips causing Brooke’s heart to race. The worst part, though, about the whole outfit, was the silver zip that ran from the top of the dress to the bottom, right in the middle at the front, and either Vanessa (or someone mucking about with her…probably Silky) had unzipped it just the tiniest amount. For about the hundredth time that month, Brooke cursed herself for breaking things off with Vanessa. It wasn’t just about her looks though, or her body, or how much she missed the sex. Their interaction in the cupboard made Brooke remember how funny Vanessa was, how much of an endearing goofball, how she was just a cheerful person whose only real wish in life was to be properly happy. And Brooke had hurt her, made her the exact opposite of that. Vanessa loved everything and everyone so deeply, was the most open of books, and was so unafraid of feeling. Meanwhile there was Brooke not even able to tell her own flatmates, the two girls that knew her best in the world, about her own feelings.

As she watched Vanessa’s eyes drift from Scarlet and Monet, who she’d been talking to, across the room to rest on her, Brooke felt her heart stop. Not giving a single thing away, Vanessa smiled, gave a little wave, and crossed the room to where Brooke stood.

“Hey!” she began, so confident and self-assured and making Brooke feel more like a trashbag than she already did. “Nice dress.”

“Thanks!” Brooke smiled, uncharacteristically flustered at the tiny compliment. “You look so beaud!”

Fuck. Brooke kicked herself for getting tongue tied, badly hoping Vanessa wouldn’t have noticed. As she watched a confused smile appear on her face, Brooke realised she’d have to explain herself. “I was going to say beautiful, then I changed it to good and they just sort of…mushed together.”

Brooke felt her face grow hot as Vanessa simply raised an eyebrow in a smirk. “I’ll take both. Beautiful and good.”

Just as Brooke was about to defend herself, Silky announced to the girls in her own Silky-esque way that the pizzas were ready, and, giving a cry of delight, Vanessa had dashed across the room and left Brooke forgotten about.

As they all ate, Brooke fought an internal battle. She had absolutely no right to feel sorry for herself, this mess was entirely of her own making. Besides, she had to put everything out of her head now; she had made her decision, Vanessa had moved on, and she had to let the whole thing drop. But despite all this, it didn’t stop her brain constantly pestering her with what-ifs.

It was still pestering her once they’d all finished their dinner and moved upstairs into the huge living room for drinks and games, so she was glad when Nina popped herself down beside her with two ice cold bottles of beer from the fridge.

“One for each hand,” she explained. Brooke burst out laughing. She fucking loved Nina so much.

“Where’s yours?”

“Monet’s making mojitos for me and her. I love having a girlfriend, it’s like a sexy butler that you get to have sex with and cuddle any time you want,” Nina mused wistfully, giving Brooke her second belly-laugh in the space of two minutes. As she composed herself, Monet came into the room with two huge tall glasses overflowing with crushed ice and garnished with lime and mint.

“Where the fuck did you get mint and limes?” Brooke asked, screwing her face up in confusion then scrambling to pull a slightly more attractive one as Vanessa came in flanked by Silky and Akeria.

“I brought them, bitch! Anyway what did I miss?”

“Nina called you a sexy butler,” Brooke said casually, sipping one of her two beers and smiling as she watched Nina grow flustered.

“Jesus Christ, I’m getting all the compliments today! First I was a Tesco Finest girlfriend, now I’m a sexy butler. You know how to treat a lady, Neens,” Monet teased, pulling her girlfriend in and smothering her with kisses on the cheek.

“Ugh, get that couple shit outta here,” Vanessa yelled from the other sofa, throwing a leftover crisp at them. Monet instantly snapped back.

“Uh, like you can talk, Vanj.”

“What the shit hell is that meant to mean?” Vanessa laughed, amused.

Akeria grew outraged as she turned around to face Vanessa, her long, straight hair swinging wildly as she flipped it over her shoulder. “NEED we remind you what you sent to the group chat last week?!”

Silky began yelling, mirroring the cries of woe and dismay that were circling through Brooke’s brain at being reminded that Monique was still very much in the picture. “NO we do NOT need reminded! I can’t go through that again, dear Jesus God…”

“Fuck babygirl, I need that mouth on me-” Akeria began reading dramatically from her screen, the girls cringing and laughing and every word feeling like a kick to Brooke’s gut as Vanessa, face bright red, wrestled with Akeria to get the phone out of her hands. “-I’m touching myself but you know it’s not the same- aw, V! Give it back!”

“I’m gonna eat this fuckin’ phone, Akeria Chanel Davenport, I swear,” Vanessa chided her furiously, holding the phone out of her reach then relenting, giving it back to her. Silky fanned herself dramatically, making the others laugh. As Brooke did her best fake laugh and joined in, she tried not to make eye contact with Vanessa’s embarrassed face.

“Aw, are we talking about the unfortunate dirty text incident?” Plastique’s voice came from the hall, everyone laughing again as she sat down in the armchair beside the fire. “Seriously, V, you should be a songwriter. I swear that whole thing could’ve been from a Kamille song or some shit-”

“Well, all sexts are a little bit cringey, aren’t they?” Nina offered kindly, attempting to cheer Vanjie up. In doing this, she only succeeded in earning herself an exasperated cry from Monet.

“V, do you wanna go out? I can’t stand this bitch any more, she just keeps insulting me.”

As everyone howled with laughter and Nina frantically smothered her girlfriend in kisses trying to get her back onside, Brooke sneaked a look at Vanessa. She was laughing, but her face was still a little red. Christ, she looked so cute. Idiot, idiot, idiot.

“Speaking of sex, I’m assuming Yvie and Scarlet went off to bang?” Plastique shrugged, everyone finally realising who was missing.

“Oh, fuck this! Save that shit for later!” Silky protested, Akeria laughing and whacking her.

“Hey, let them be happy! It’s my birthday so I’m sayin’ if they want to fuck, let ‘em. In the meantime I have an empty wine bottle and a room full of girls with secrets that need spilled,” Akeria announced. Plastique clapped excitedly, Silky cheered and Vanessa rolled her eyes.

“For Christ’s sake, Kiki, do we not already know all there is to know about each other?” she complained. Interesting. So Vanessa didn’t want to play truth or dare, a game she was usually always down for.

“Excuse the fuck outta me, we played that stupid tuna game earlier!”

“Sardines,” Brooke deadpanned, earning herself a laugh from the room.

“It was some type of fish, I got that much right.”

“How are you through a whole bottle of wine already?” Silky asked, impressed.

“Can I live? It’s my birthday! Now will you hoes stop pissing in my cereal and let’s play!” Akeria implored, setting the wine bottle down against the red carpet and spinning it so violently Brooke worried that it would smash on the marble grate. It slowed, turning round and round and finally resting right back at where Akeria leant down from the sofa. She let out a giggle. “Oops. Guess it’s me.”

“Keeks, truth or dare!” Plastique asked excitedly. Akeria tilted her head, deep in thought.

“Hmm. I ain’t drunk enough for dares yet, so let’s go truth.”

There was a beat of silence as everyone racked their brains to think of something. Monet was first with an idea.

“Fuck, marry, kill: Silk, Vanj or…uh…”

“Asia,” Vanessa said simply, sipping some coke and spirit concoction through a straw as Silky let out a screech. Brooke was confused. She met her eyes with Nina’s, who looked equally baffled.

“Wait, who’s Asia?” Nina asked. Akeria, to her credit, looked composed. To be fair, Brooke had hardly ever seen her look anything but.

“She’s a friend from my course. We did a paired project together an’ she came over to the flat to work on it the other week,” Vanessa shrugged. “Her an’ Kiki seemed to hit it off.”

“I don’t have a fuckin’ crush on the girl, Jesus. Don’t make it weird,” Akeria rolled her eyes, blinking slowly. If Brooke squinted she might’ve spotted a flush to Akeria’s face, but perhaps that came from the glow of the fire.

Monet muttered under her breath to Brooke and Nina as the three flatmates bickered away. “Is Akeria gay?”

Brooke blew out a bunch of air. “Fuck, I don’t even know who’s what anymore.”

“She’s never classed herself as straight,” Nina elaborated cautiously. “She talks about getting dicked down by guys a lot. Then again, it’s really only Silky that does that and Keeks just joins in.”

“Silk and Vanj know something we don’t,” Brooke reasoned, watching as the two girls laughed and Akeria sat, poised and smirking at them indulgently as if they were kids.

“Right, enough! ‘Keria, fuck marry kill: Vanjie, Silk or Asia, then,” Monet shrugged, sipping her mojito.

Akeria flipped some hair over her shoulder and tilted her head to the sky thoughtfully. “I honestly can’t decide who I’d rather kill, Silk or Vanj.”

“Oh, so you’re gonna fuck or marry Asia, correct?” Vanessa quipped, a little fire igniting in Brooke’s heart as she watched a wicked smile spread across her scheming face.

“No, I don’t know her well enough to have any strong feelings towards her either way. You and Silk, however…” Akeria raised her eyebrows long-sufferingly, coaxing a laugh out of the other girls. “Uhh, right, marry Asia, or whatever. Kill Silky.”

“Bitch! I’ll kill you for real,” Silky objected, pummeling Akeria’s arm with a cushion.

“Fuck Vanj because she likes girls anyway and if she’s going down on me it means she’s not talking with that fuckin’ gritter-truck voice of hers,” Akeria shrugged as she concluded, the room cheering and Vanessa doing a little celebratory bow. As she flipped her head up she caught Brooke’s eye, giving her a little wink. Brooke crossed her legs and tried not to think about Vanessa going down on anyone. Least of all her.

“Aight!” Akeria said, indicating to everyone that her turn was well and truly over. “We move.”

The bottle was spun once more, Brooke taking a long drink out of her bottle and draining it. She needed to be tipsier than this. Everyone else seemed a little more drunk than she was, apart from Vanessa who she noted was sipping her drink sparingly. Brooke shook her head a little, trying to stop bringing her focus to Vanessa every five minutes. She’d taken her heels off and tucked her legs up underneath her on the sofa, and her thighs looked good for it.

“Plastique, truth or dare!”

Plastique tucked her hair behind her ears. “Uhh, dare.”

Brooke knew what to do for this one. Plastique had taken Ariel on a couple of dates, but the girls were emotionally stunted and neither of them had properly articulated their feelings to the other yet. “Call Ariel and tell her how you feel about her. Properly.”

As the other girls “oooh"ed in appreciation, Plastique fixed Brooke with an unimpressed glare. "I’m not doing that.”

“Pussy,” Brooke shrugged, sipping her other beer. Vanessa let out a laugh from the other side of the room.

“Brooke Lynn’s telling someone else they’re a pussy for not being open about their feelings? Are we in the correct universe?"

As the other girls gave a laugh that was only the slightest bit uncomfortable, Brooke rolled her eyes. "Okay, well at the very least send her a heartfelt text.”

“Why are you pushing this so much, ma?” Plastique pouted as she relented and reached for her phone.

“Because I’m bored of sitting in lectures hearing you moan about how you can’t tell her how you feel because it would make it weird or how you don’t want to come across too intense!"

"We all had to listen to you pine after Vanjie for two and a half years but we never forced you into admitting anything,” Plastique shrugged, the room erupting into shrieks. Brooke gave a choke of a laugh, wanting the ground to open up and swallow her. She knew her face was bright red without having to look in a mirror and, as much as her brain was imploring her not to, she found her eyes darting quickly to Vanessa to catch a glimpse of her face.

Calm, smiling tight-lipped and smug. As if she’d won something.

“No, but you did start a sweepstake about us so get off the high horse, thanks!” Brooke sing-songed back, the slight hint of irritation to her voice letting Plastique know she was to drop it. Us. The word felt weird in Brooke’s mouth, it hadn’t been used in so long. Two and a half years. Had she really liked Vanessa for that long before everything had happened between them? Brooke had actually thrown away two and a half years of feelings for the sake of one feeling of indecision, a feeling that maybe they shouldn’t have been a they any more?

For Christ’s sake don’t look at Vanessa.

“Fine. I’ve put tonight’s really fun but I miss you, I always miss you when you’re not with me, hope you know how much I care about you. That heartfelt enough for you bitches?” Plastique muttered, embarrassed. Nina let out an “aaw”, Akeria made a sick noise.

“Acceptable,” Brooke shrugged, sipping on her beer again. Suddenly, a cheer went up from Akeria, Vanessa and Silky who could see who was coming through the living room door first. Yvie and Scarlet were walking close, holding a glass of red wine each and wearing matching poker faces.

“Oh, here they are! Nice of you to finally join us!” Nina cheered, Scarlet giving a small smile and smoothing her dress down, sitting beside Yvie on the last remaining couch.

“All the best people are fashionably late!” she shrugged. Yvie gave a snort and swept some hair over her shoulder to cover her neck. Brooke saw the action and jumped on it.

“Nice neckwear.”

Yvie turned only slightly red. “Thanks. Gucci.”

“Hear that? Yvie’s girlfriend is Gucci. Not Tesco Finest. Gucci,” Monet nudged Nina, setting another laugh off amongst the girls.

“We’re playing truth or dare,” Brooke explained to the two girls, as Plastique gave the glass bottle a bit of a pathetic spin.

“Vanjie!”

Vanessa shook her head. “Nah that spin was shit, it don’t count.”

“Like hell it don’t! Truth or dare, bitch?” Silky all but interrogated her. Vanessa thought about it for a moment, then decided.

“Truth.”

Brooke’ heart hammered in her chest. She hoped to God they wouldn’t ask Vanessa anything about her, anything about them.

“What’s going on with you and Monique, Vanjie?” Monet asked dramatically, Akeria giving a cry of delight and thumping her hands against her thighs.

Great.

As the room broke out into eager laughter, Vanessa just smiled.

“Well, Monique and I are good friends, and…we get on well. We both been, y'know, unlucky in love a lil’, so…” Vanessa trailed off, the room giving little chokes of anticipation and Brooke’s stomach twisting. “…if it’s one in the morning and one of us is maybe still up…y'know…”

Monet gave a tiny squeal through her teeth. Brooke wanted to wedge herself in between the sofa cushions and not emerge again til May of next year.

“Y'know, Monique’s very confident, very sure of herself, an’ that's…y'know, it’s attractive…” Vanessa trailed off, running her tongue over her teeth. Brooke knew that face, remembered the time when that face used to get directed at her before they’d fall into bed together, frantic kisses planted along collarbones and clothes discarded over the uneven floorboards of Vanessa’s room.

“But what’s actually going on? You’ve said so much but not actually said anything,” Yvie let out an unimpressed laugh. Vanessa composed herself and sat up straight, taking a rare sip of her drink.

“Well, we get on well. She’s a good person. And we’re friends,” Vanessa smiled coyly, causing the girls to laugh uproariously.

“Okay, okay, we all see it! We all get it!” Monet laughed, the knife twisting in Brooke’s stomach. Could it have been more obvious that they were obviously having each other in every type of position imaginable with any chance they got, or was it just Brooke being paranoid? She thought back to what Monet had said in the car earlier and concluded that, occasional hits of the bong aside, she was not being paranoid by any stretch of the imagination.

The game rolled along. Nina was made to do something vague and embarrassing with Monet that Brooke forgot quickly (or perhaps blocked out), Scarlet was forced to admit (rather proudly, Brooke thought) that her and Yvie had quickly fucked upstairs in the time they’d been away, and a few other of the girls did a couple of bland truths. As much as the bottle spun and spun, it never seemed to point Brooke’s way. Brooke was glad. She didn’t want to admit or say anything, and she also didn’t want to do anything remotely risky. However, when the bottle landed on Vanessa a second time, Brooke began to reconsider her thought process.

“Dare,” Vanessa smiled, a glint of danger in her eye flashing quickly as she darted her eyes quickly to Brooke.

Brooke tried not to look at Nina as she spoke. “Vanjie. Kiss the hottest girl in the room.”

“Oh, that’s a good one,” Plastique whispered quietly. It seemed as if the whole room held its breath. Brooke didn’t know if she was grateful to Nina for the setup or whether she wanted to descend into the earth’s core. She knew Vanessa had answered this question before with this group of girls, she knew that Vanessa thought the answer was her. But that was before everything had changed. Brooke felt her pulse race as Vanessa looked to the ceiling, deep in thought.

Slowly, she turned her gaze to Yvie and Scarlet.

“Yvie,” she began, a small sinking feeling lodging itself in Brooke’s chest. “Can I kiss your girlfriend?”

Yvie smiled at Scarlet proudly, happy for the compliment. “Dare’s a dare. Bring her back.”

“Scarlet, can I get a lil’ smooch?” Vanessa laughed, Scarlet laughing back and motioning for her to sit beside them on the sofa.

“C'mere, friend,” she laughed easily, Vanessa crossing the room and joining them. Brooke remembered when Vanessa had kissed Scarlet before- in the nightclub, before they were together and before Yvie and Scarlet were together. She remembered how it made her feel- a little irritated and sad all in one. Looking back, she realised it was plain and simple jealousy, and she knew her feelings weren’t going to change this time.

Quickly, Vanessa leaned in and met Scarlet’s lips, kissing her gently but slowly, her hand resting on Scarlet’s hip easily. It could only have been about three seconds long, but each one seemed to tick by agonisingly slowly, and Brooke hoped she wasn’t showing any of her fucked-up emotions on her face. As the two girls pulled away and the others whooped and whistled, Scarlet made a face.

“Bitch, all I tasted there was pepperoni. That was the least sexy kiss I’ve ever had.”

“You loved it, hoe!” Vanessa laughed, retreating back to her seat. Desperate to look at anything but Vanessa’s face, Brooke watched Yvie and Scarlet. Yvie had the satisfied grin of a mafia mob boss as Scarlet whispered something in her ear, then smiled seductively, kissing her once, twice, three times, red lipstick meeting purple.

“Well if I wasn’t bi before, I sure as hell am now,” Plastique fanned herself.

“We are the cornerstone of Plastique’s sexual identity. That’s a fucking compliment!” Scarlet cheered, Yvie laughing and wrapping her arms around her.

“Nah, you and Yvie are my parents. The Mums of the group,” Plastique explained.

“Fuck off, we’re not the Mums!” Yvie laughed, outraged. “Nina and Monet are literally right there!”

“Hey! That’s not fair!” Nina cried, outraged at the perceived injustice.

“Yeah, don’t lump me in with this dork!” Monet yelled, laughing with the other girls as Nina swatted her on the arm.

“Right! Spin, Vanj,” Yvie ordered, the girl spinning the bottle round obediently. Brooke watched as the top of the bottle whizzed by her once, twice, three times, past Yvie, Scarlet, the Antigua Road girls, slowed down as it reached Plastique, edged past Monet and Nina and then came to rest on Brooke.

“All RIGHT! About time this bitch spilt some tea,” Silky clapped in delight.

“Brooke,” Akeria said with the threat level of an MI5 employee. “Truth or dare?”

Brooke paused. Her go-to was usually a truth, however there was no way she was going for that this time, not while she was still a concrete mixer of feelings for Vanessa and not while there was a room full of people wanting to know exactly what was going on with them. She shrugged. “Dare.”

“Okay-” Akeria tailed off, making to stop and think. A practically evil smile spread across her face as realisation dawned on her. “Same dare. Kiss the hottest person in the room. Ten seconds.”

Silky let out a scream, growing so excitable on the sofa that Vanessa was almost sent through the ceiling. Scarlet whispered something to Yvie on the sofa, both of the girls looking at Brooke intently. Plastique shouted over something to Akeria that Brooke couldn’t hear. All she could focus on was how Vanessa had grabbed Silky and was laughing, but somewhat nervously. Her face had gone bright red. Brooke bit her lip. She thought back to their flirting in the cupboard earlier, how they were almost back to square one again, the weird bid Vanessa had made to make Brooke jealous. She could always kiss Yvie or Nina, take the easy way out. But the more she looked at Vanessa, the more drawn she became to her until before she knew what she was doing, Brooke had stood up from her place on the carpet and taken one, two, three steps to sit on the couch and look Vanessa in the eyes.

Brooke could hear everyone in the room screaming, and she knew Silky had run out of the room shouting incoherently, but all she seemed to hear was her blood roaring in her ears as Vanessa leaned in. Before she knew it, Brooke’s hand was resting on Vanessa’s bare thigh and they were kissing each other, slow and deep and lazy and in a way that Brooke never wanted to end. She felt Vanessa’s tongue licking at hers gently and immediately felt a throb of heat between her legs as she remembered 3ams spent between her sheets and Vanessa’s head buried between her thighs.

Christ, this was a bad idea, this was a bad idea-

“ZERO! And y’all can officially cut that shit out,” Brooke suddenly felt herself being wrenched away from Vanessa, Akeria’s voice cutting through her hazy thoughts and bringing her back down to earth with a bump.

“Well, I feel like on that note,” Monet clapped her hands together decisively. “I’m away out to drink in the hot tub. Anyone else?”

One by one the girls agreed, dashing out of the room excitedly, and it was obvious to Brooke that everyone would be talking about what had just happened. Vanessa had run off quickly, her hand in Silky’s as the two dashed upstairs to get their swimwear on. The only girl that was left in the room as Brooke made to do the same was Akeria. She frowned at Brooke as they both left the room, a warning in her eyes which sent a chill down Brooke’s spine. Trying to ignore it, Brooke dashed upstairs, changed into her pink bikini and then ran outside to join the others. They wouldn’t talk about her and Vanessa’s kiss if she was there, so the less time she was away the better. Brooke grabbed a third beer from the fridge on her way out to the garden, and as she stepped outside she noticed how the moon already hung huge and bright in the sky, how the grass already had a shine of cold wet on it, and how everything looked almost a little bit magic. Joining the others and sitting between Yvie and Plastique, she tried to ignore Vanessa sitting opposite her in a black bikini that looked equally sinful as the outfit she’d been wearing before. Luckily the rest of the girls had no further desire to play drinking games, and talk instead turned to movies. Brooke didn’t join in. She couldn’t- too much was swirling around her mind, namely how good the kiss had felt. Scarlet had probably lied to make Yvie laugh- Vanessa had tasted like sugary coke, and the all too familiar scent of her perfume was still inexplicably clinging to Brooke. It had been weird to kiss after months of no contact at all. It had been a bad decision. Brooke had done yet another wrong thing.

So why did it feel somehow correct?

“Right!” Akeria said after a while, almost toppling over as she stood up. “I think I’m gettin’ a touch of the hypothermias. Who’s comin’ inside to watch Sister Act?”

“Bitch! That’s like, my favourite movie. Hell yes,” Monet sprang up, knocking Nina off her lap and into the middle of the hot tub. The girls erupted in a laugh, Brooke almost dropping her beer into the water. One by one, they all filed out of the water. Brooke was the last one left. Admittedly she didn’t want to leave- she was now tipsy enough to not feel the cold, and she could have lain back and stared at the white light of the full moon in the inky sky forever. Just as she was about to follow the others, she noticed that the second-to-last girl out of the hot tub was Vanessa. Brooke swallowed thickly, trying her best not to stare at how the small droplets of water clung to her thick thighs or how her tiny bikini barely covered her firm ass, or how her slick, wet hair cascaded down her back. Almost as if she could read Brooke’s mind, Vanessa slowly, tortuously turned around. She had a little wicked smile on her face, the kind she always used to wear when she flirted with Brooke. It made Brooke cross her legs and squeeze her thighs together.

“You got a good enough view from there?” she asked, playfulness coating her words as she spread both her arms out to lean against the back of the hot tub.

This was bad. This was not good. Brooke couldn’t flirt back. It would only lead to another really horrendous, catastrophic decision. Her mind was hot-wiring, and to her dismay she couldn’t come up with any form of quick-witted comeback. Noticing how long it was taking her to reply, Vanessa gave a throaty laugh.

“Hmm. I’ll take that as a yes, then,” she purred, crossing the water and sitting down close next to Brooke. Brooke tried her best not to choke as she took a sip from the bottle in her hand.

“Thought you were going to watch Sister Act?” she asked, trying to sound casual but cringing at how nervous she sounded as the words left her mouth. Her blood pressure dialled up a notch as Vanessa laced her fingers together, placed her hands on Brooke’s bare shoulder, then rested her head against her fingers.

“I don’t know. Think I’d rather see what’s so special about this view you love so much,” Vanessa murmured softly, Brooke not missing the way she rushed out the word ‘love’ as if to distil any awkwardness. She didn’t need to worry, though, because right now all Brooke could focus on was how good Vanessa looked in that black bikini, and how her red lipstick still clung to her plump lips as if it had just been applied, and her beautiful dark gaze from under her fake lashes.

“Hmm. It’s a pretty good view. Pretty beautiful,” Brooke found herself whispering, eliciting a sparkle from Vanessa’s eyes. Fuck. Shit. She shouldn’t have said that, it just seemed to have happened, but with Vanessa sitting pressed up so close to her how else could she have possibly reacted? There was a small silence in which Vanessa gave a small giggle, looking down at the constantly popping bubbles. The jet stream pummeled Brooke’s back to bits.

“What’s funny?” she smiled cautiously. Vanessa looked at her, something nostalgic on her face.

“Your pickup lines are still cringey as fuck,” she smirked, Brooke rolling her eyes a little. She had to steer this conversation back to normality. Whatever the fuck normality was as far as her and Vanessa were concerned.

“That wasn’t a pickup line. If I was trying to pick you up, you’d know about it.”

“Oh, I know about it, baby. Don’ worry,” Vanessa hit back instantly, Brooke taking the pet name like a fatal shot. Brooke knew that Vanessa knew what that word did to her in the right context with the right tone. Fuck. Bad idea, bad idea. She was determined not to lose whatever game this was. She would not do anything stupid. She would not ruin the tiny, small beginnings of this foundation of their friendship that they were gradually re-building. She would stand up and go inside and watch Whoopi fucking Goldberg dance about in a fucking habit and all would be right with the world again.

“Two and a half years, huh? You had it bad, bitch, I never knew I had that kind of effect on you,” Vanessa laughed suddenly, Brooke trying not to blush as she remembered Plastique’s words from earlier.

“Not that you’re letting it go to your head,” Brooke shrugged, taking a sip.

Vanessa giggled again. Brooke wished she wouldn’t. “Never.”

“Good compliment for you, I guess.”

“Better than beaud,” Vanessa smirked, snorting a laugh as Brooke tipped her head back and cringed. As she quietly stopped laughing, Vanessa shrugged lightly. “An’ I mean, nice to know I’m the hottest girl in the room too.”

Brooke let out a small sigh at having to confront her decision. “I mean just because we’re not dating any more doesn’t mean it’s not objectively true. By Western beauty standards you probably are the hottest girl in the room.”

Vanessa laughed again. “Western beauty standards, my God. I’m not even white, you dumb bitch.”

“Yeah, but…you’ve got this gorgeous skin, and all your shiny hair. And your eyes that go all twinkly when you’re happy,” Brooke explained. Where was all this coming from? “And you have perfect white teeth, and the best smile. I feel like you light up the whole room when you laugh.”

Brooke’s heart gave a twinge as Vanessa’s face broke out into a smile, tilting her face to the side a little inquisitively. Brooke gave a little cough, aware of all the compliments she’d given her. “And you have a really good figure as well, so, yeah.”

“Oh, obviously. Well, we all know how much you like that,” Vanessa smirked cheekily, Brooke suddenly snapping her neck round to face her properly.

“What?”

“Liked that. Like, liked. Whatever. We’re friends now, we can laugh about it,” Vanessa shrugged, the words coming out of her mouth confirming their status at once relieving Brooke and putting her on edge. They were back to being friends. This was what Brooke wanted, right? Vanessa still had the little cheeky grin on her face as she spoke again. “Friends who still kiss each other, apparently.”

“Well, you kissed Scarlet,” Brooke said, trying to make it as nonchalant as possible. Judging by Vanessa’s smug reaction, she hadn’t succeeded.

“You seem pressed.”

“Not pressed! Just saying,” Brooke tried to protest gently but felt she came on way too heavy.

“Mhm. There’s just one problem about all this, though…” Vanessa murmured, her tone charged with something that immediately made the hairs on Brooke’s arm stand on end, giving her goosebumps.

And then, with one fluid movement, Vanessa moved to straddle her.

Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit.

Brooke’s heart almost flatlined as Vanessa spoke, her face still wearing the tiniest cocky smile that Brooke so badly wanted to kiss off of her. “It’s kinda hard to try an’ be friends with you when I know what you look like with no clothes on.”

Brooke tried her best to keep her voice level. “Well, it’s also kind of hard to try and be friends with you when you’re flirting with me.”

“It’s also hard to be friends with you when I know what your kinks are…” Vanessa brought her arms around Brooke’s neck and barely concealed a smile as she bucked her hips ever so slightly. “…Mami.”

Brooke felt the tiniest hiss escape her lips, glad it wasn’t the fuck that had immediately popped into her head.

“It’s kind of hard to be friends with you when you’re riding my thigh…or when you’re coming on to me like this,” Brooke replied, keeping one hand firmly on the side of the hot tub and the other wrapped around the glass bottle in her hand so tight she thought it would smash.

“Coming on to you?” Vanessa suddenly tipped her head back and laughed, Brooke immediately realising what she’d said. “That can be arranged, you want face, tongue or fingers?”

“Fuck’s sake, Vanessa,” Brooke laughed softly, letting one of her hands drop down under the water and rest against Vanessa’s thigh. As Brooke’s thumb rubbed at her skin softly, she tried to reason with herself. Just because she was stroking Vanessa’s skin, and had her on top of her, and was basically talking dirty to her, didn’t mean that anything was actually going to happen.

“I know you miss me, Brooke,” Vanessa said, her tone matter-of-fact as she straightened up a little in Brooke’s lap, Brooke eyeing the way her breasts were pushed up.

Brooke had to think carefully about her response. She knew she’d hurt Vanessa, so she had to keep things light. “I mean, it kind of looks like you miss me, baby.”

Oh fuck, that pet name was a mistake. Vanessa’s smile was sultry as she pushed one of her hands into Brooke’s hair. “Me? Nah, I’m just doin’ this because it’s fun. Monique’s treatin’ me very well.”

Jesus fucking Christ, Vanessa knew how to hit Brooke where it hurt. Brooke pursed her lips. She wanted to fight dirty, she would give as good as she got. “And that’s why you’re cheating on her?”

Vanessa burst out laughing. “Oh, bitch, please! Me and her aren’t exclusive! We ain’t even a thing! She vents to me about her ex, I vent to her about you, and then we fuck away our frustrations!”

A part of Brooke’s heart soared up into the black sky like a helium balloon. She didn’t think she’d shown her relief on her face until Vanessa gave a laugh. “So. You ain’t denied it.”

“Denied what?”

“That you miss me,” she shrugged, giving a little look down at Brooke’s hands on her thighs. Brooke couldn’t pinpoint when she’d brought the other one down under the water but apparently she had done. Her throat was dry as she considered her response. Before she could get there, Vanessa threw her mind into chaos as she brought her hands back behind her head, fidgeted for a moment, then suddenly threw her bikini top across the decking. As Brooke’s gaze flicked down to Vanessa’s full breasts, the other girl brought one finger up and tilted her chin up to face her. The heat between Brooke’s legs was unbearable, and she felt her paper-thin resolve rapidly melting away. Vanessa smirked. “You wanna kiss me so bad right now, don’t you? Like you kissed me earlier. You can’t even stay away.“

Vanessa seemed to edge closer to Brooke, although they were already so close that seemed an impossible feat. Brooke raised an eyebrow. “See, I feel like if Monique fucked you as good as you say she does, you wouldn’t be in my lap right now.”

Vanessa blinked slowly, mockingly. “Oh, baby. You don’t want to know the things I let her do to me.”

Brooke bristled. The tension between them and Vanessa’s teasing was getting her riled. “You’re right, I don’t.”

“Aww. You jealous, baby?” Vanessa pouted. This was going to drive Brooke insane. Her mind constantly swung between this being a bad idea and a good idea, and she had no idea which it would settle on.

Brooke locked eyes with Vanessa, the other girl’s gaze a challenge. “No.”

“You sure? You seemed jealous when I kissed Scarlet earlier, I saw your face.”

“I don’t get jealous,” Brooke repeated, holding her gaze with Vanessa. Their faces weren’t too close but their bodies were, and Brooke felt as if she was a ticking time bomb.

“So you ain’t jealous of Monique?” Vanessa murmured inquisitively. Brooke shook her head, now unable to tear her gaze away from her lips which had felt so perfect against her own earlier. “You ain’t jealous of the fact she gets to ride my face and get my pretty lil’ tongue working her clit? You ain’t jealous of the fact that it’s her name I’m crying out when I cum on her fingers? You ain’t-”

Frustrated, tense, and out of willpower, Brooke let out a low growl as she finally brought her hands up to Vanessa’s jaw and crashed their lips together, kissing her wildly and deeply and running her hands over every inch of Vanessa’s skin she was able to touch. She didn’t even care that she’d proven Vanessa right, because she had missed this, missed her, missed the way they just seemed to fit together like two pieces of a puzzle and dear sweet fucking Jesus she’d been an idiot to give up this sex. Brooke whined needily as she felt Vanessa pull away, the other girl laughing against her lips.

“You don’t kiss like a girl who ain’t jealous,” Vanessa tutted, a satisfied smirk on her face. "Or one that don’t miss me.”

Brooke ran her hands up and down her back and pouted. “Shut up.”

“Hmm. That ain’t no way to talk to me if you’re planning on getting what you want, lil’ brat,” Vanessa raised her eyebrows, bringing one of her hands down to rub at Brooke’s hipbone. Brooke let out a whimper and bucked her hips. She needed Vanessa so badly, and her words were only making things worse. Or better.

“Fuck, please, Vanessa, shit,” Brooke hissed, not caring about how pathetic and needy she looked now as she brought one of her hands up and rubbed a thumb over one of Vanessa’s nipples. Brooke felt her clit throb as Vanessa gave a little hum of delight at the contact. Her fingers had only been there for a second before Vanessa grabbed her wrist and held it down under the water, the sudden force causing Brooke’s eyes to grow wide.

“You broke my fuckin’ heart an’ now you really think I’m gonna make it that easy for you?” she barked a laugh, a guilty twinge tugging at Brooke’s rapid heart. “Fuck that. I want to hear you beg me to fuck you. You’re gonna have to work for me, baby. Shit’s on my terms.”

“Fuck, Vanessa, I really don’t give a shit how desperate I sound,” Brooke sighed, the shock of the prospect of Vanessa changing her mind about all this lighting a fire in Brooke. “Please, please, please, please, baby, I’m sorry, I’ll do anything you want, just fucking touch me, please-”

Brooke cut herself off with her own moan as Vanessa ran a hand down her body and lightly pressed two fingers against her, rubbing gently and making Brooke want to sob.

“Good girl,” Vanessa purred, Brooke writhing underneath her and completely past the point of thinking about any of the consequences of any of this. “You miss me, don’t you?”

“Fuck, so much.”

“You been missin’ this?”

“Shit yes, so much.”

Vanessa’s eyes were dark as Brooke looked up at her. “Nobody’s gonna fuck you like me, are they?”

Brooke’s eyes nearly rolled into the back of her head, thinking that at this point if Vanessa asked her to get married she probably would’ve booked the damn venue. “No, only you, baby, fuck.”

“Mm, such a good girl,” Vanessa smirked, Brooke’s clit giving a spasm as she thought now was really not the time to realise she had a praise kink. “I don’t know, though. You seemed pretty sure you wouldn’t miss me when you ended things.”

“I do miss you, 'Ness, I promise, I’m sorry, I’ll beg on my knees if you want me to, I don’t give a fuck, you’ve been driving me crazy all night…so fucking perfect, shit…"

"Mm…you would look so pretty on your knees,” Vanessa leaned in and murmured into Brooke’s ear, pressing the lightest little kiss to her neck and almost sending Brooke over the edge before anything had even happened yet.

“I’ll do whatever you want, baby, fuck, I want you to feel like you’re the most gorgeous fucking goddess in the world,” Brooke gasped as Vanessa brought her other hand down to touch herself, the sight of her working Brooke and herself into a frenzy the hottest thing she’d seen in months. Her mind short-circuited, and she struggled to know if anything she said made any sense. “Jesus Christ, Vanessa, please fuck me, I can’t take much more-"

Pride glinted in Vanessa’s eyes before she leaned in and kissed Brooke, hot and wet with her fingers still rubbing and teasing her through the material. Pulling away, she motioned to the decking around the hot tub. “Lie back then, baby.”

As Brooke almost drove her face into the decking in her haste to scramble out of the hot tub she ignored the little voice in the back of her head that told her everything about this was a bad idea, and instead focused on the one that screamed it was the best decision she’d made in months.s

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fibula-rasa · 4 years

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Cosplay Under the Stars 2020

(a.k.a. Natalie Wood Part Two)

While I had my Natalie Wood makeup on, I did a quick change so that I could squeeze in an extra, bonus cosplay. This is my recreation of Natalie on this Italian poster for This Property is Condemned (1966). I painted this one on my own and while it’s not perfect, I think it’s pretty good for someone who had never painted digitally or used a tablet before a month ago!

This bonus cosplay is gonna be my excuse to share some of my thoughts on the whole of this year’s Cosplay Under the Stars series.

Until the very end of July, I was waffling over whether or not I wanted to do this challenge again. But when the concept of recreating posters and magazine covers crossed my mind, instead of my usual cosplay, challenging myself with new media was really attractive. Even though I do like the results–and most of you seem to as well–I don’t know if and/or when I’ll do this again.

For context, I began experimenting with styling myself after performers and characters from my favorite movies when I was a teenager. Yes, before social media. (Yes, I’m old.) It was not only a creative outlet, but it was also a fun and different way of engaging with my favorite performers and films. (There’s definitely a way to tie this into being undiagnosed autistic, but that’s another story for another time.)

There is so much I’ve learned over the years by doing this. In some cases, I’ve come to appreciate the creative choices of some of my favorite performers in a new way. In others, I’ve arrived at an appreciation for performers that I didn’t know that much about beforehand. Honestly, if you are comfortable playing with styling and/or photography, I really recommend trying this yourself.

When I got my film studies degree, I saw how underrepresented the analysis of acting is in film scholarship–outside the parameters of star studies that is. And so, being able to connect with what the performers are doing in their roles from the outside in is so enriching. There’s much more depth and creativity in what classic film actors did than they are given credit for. I hope that I’ve been able to convey some of that to you all, even if my blog is not entirely focused on it.

---

Now… there is a vocal minority of people who really, truly do not understand what I’m doing with any of these cosplays. My response to them is: ok, boomer. If you’ve never clicked a link to read what I’ve written, if you don’t understand self-portraiture, if you’ve never done makeup, hairstyling, photography, costuming, or acting–then why am I supposed to care about your opinion? (Another thing I’ve come to learn doing this is that prosopagnosia is way more widespread than you think. But, again, that’s another story for another time.)

---

The reason I’m not sure if I’ll do this type of cosplay again is that such rote recreation isn’t as fun or creatively fulfilling. When you’re so worried about trying to get enough visual details just right, there’s not a lot of room to explore a performer or their performance, which is most of the fun of cosplays for me. It does seem that a lot less people understand what I’m doing with my cosplays when I’m recreating a mood or the energy of a performance than when I do image recreations–but let’s be honest, at this point in my life I know I’m the human equivalent of pickles and peanut butter–an acquired taste. If I come across a particularly compelling cover or poster in the future or if it would ever be feasible to do this with other people as my models, maybe I’ll have at it again. But, for now, I’ll probably go back to my regular cosplays.

Even so, learning new software and methods was fun in another way! I have to thank my SO for encouraging me to go through with the project and helping me immeasurably with painting work on most of the pictures while teaching me how to do it myself. They also helped me shoot many of these, given my lacking equipment.

All of my photographic equipment. No. Really. (The mirror is because my camera doesn’t have a front-facing display.)

Also, smaller shout out to Curious World, because his youtube videos accompanied me while I did my hair and makeup.

---

If you’d like to support my cosplay endeavors going forward, I have a paypal, ko-fi, and a public amazon wishlist. Thank you for all your support and encouragement!

What is Cosplay Under the Stars?

If you’re new here, every August, Turner Classic Movies celebrates Summer Under the Stars. Each day of the month, a different film star gets a full 24 hours of programming. In 2017, on a whim, I decided to put together closet cosplays of every woman featured that month. And so, Cosplay Under the Stars was born.

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ladyeowyn · 4 years

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Hi!! You've always been so inspirational in edit-making. I've recently been trying it out myself and I wanted to know if you have any tips on growth when you're just starting out?

Hello nonnie and thank you so much 😭 I can't believe I could ever be an inspiration to someone, that's so sweet of you to say 💖💖

I apologize in advance if this gets too long sdfghjkl

the first and most important thing I'd recommend is to create, create and create. I know it sounds cliché but practice makes such a huge difference. you don't even have to post everything you create (even now, I very often scrap an edit if I don't like it), just create for the sake of familiarizing yourself with your editing medium of choice. you can discover a lot of things just by playing around and creating will gradually come easier to you if you make enough edits.

don't be afraid to look to others for inspiration. save edits you like and then try to recreate some elements of it. or take the style and make your own edit with it. but please don't forget to credit the person if you end up posting it. you can also try to send an ask to the creator if you're interested in a particular thing - most creators are happy explain their creative process or share the font and colouring they used.

take some time exploring various resource blogs - especially their tutorials. if you're using photoshop I'd definitely suggest learning how to work with layer masks, selective colour layer and colouring in general. my favourite tutorial pages can be found here and here. and here is a masterpost of other photoshop resources you may find useful. sometimes even studying a tutorial can give you an inspiration for an edit in which you can put to use what you learned.

coming back to the first point, participating in various events or starting some edit challenges will also help you get some practice, it can bring some exposure to your edits and it can give your inspiration a kick-start if you need it. there are always plenty of those floating around, just pick one close to your interests and give it a try.

even thought it's slightly off topic, one additional advice I'd like to stress out for everyone who is beginning with editing - please, please be mindful with your fancasts. don't use a latinx model for a character that should be indian, don't cast a light-skinned model if the character is canonically dark skinned, etc. do your research!! verify who is it that you're using in your edit and if they are actually of the right ethnicity - use the google function “search by image” to find the name of the model and then look for some background information about them. be also mindful when selecting your colouring, do not whitewash or lightwash at any cost (this includes using colouring that makes the skin look ashy). it is not that difficult to learn how to edit your colouring (or psd), again layer masks and selective colour layers (red, yellows and neutrals) are your best friend. keep in mind that some original pictures of models might already be heavily edited! for that reason it's good to look up other photos of that person and compare your picture with them as well. here is a tutorial for gif colouring (but the tricks can be applied to ordinary pictures as well), here is another tutorial and here is a list of poc-friendly psds - but there are many of other resources on the topic floating around on tumblr.

btw, I've already answered plenty of other photoshop-related questions, so if you're interested you can find them here and/or you can also browse the photoshop resources I've reblogged here.

I hope this helped and let me know if there is anything else I can help you with. good luck with your creations, happy photoshopping!! 💖

#this really did turn out way too long #so sorry #answered #photoshop ask #anonymous

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lovinmullen · 4 years

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the pacific: part one, live blog because i said so

he looked so pissed when he has to make the sign of the cross to mary..... I KNOW ITS BECAUSE HES FALLING AWAY FROM HIS RELIGION but all i can think is undercover protestant????? i hate that i find myself funny stfu tom like he’s some angsty protestant like ‘this is fucking bullshit why the fuck DO THEY PRAY TO MARY’ which..... is a huge missconsperion but i’m not gonna get into that right now but hey if anyone needs an rs teacher? i got you

are you telling me i could have heard the most BEAUTIFUL monologue about the saint mary’s church and her plans for the day as well as being able to see that sweet sweet smile on vera’s face for longer but it was cut short because bobo went ‘i joined the marines’ GOOD FOR YOU BUT.....

rOBERT...... you really gonna give her THAT look...... IN GODS HOUSE is this allowed? is THIS ALLOWED???? if you don’t say it in the voice of the vine we can not be fteejssn sorry i don’t make the rules

#BOB: i wanna catholic girl that go to church AND READ HER BIBLE (is that even right??? omg i can only remember the jewish one *in the voice of ryan reynolds severely slowed down* FUUUUUCCCKKK)

on a real note this man saw her at church ONCE and his ass went finna wife up like........ take her out to dinner first. OR AT LEAST ASK HER HOW SHE IS IN THE LETTERS like we get it you’re emo, the aussie won’t shag you anymore and you keep pissing your pants. i understand it’s a hard not life or how ever that song in annie goes but bro.........(this is obviously a joke i am dumb of ass please ignore me i love you m8 and i’m sorry you’re gonna embarrass yourself in front of everyone but chuckler shifts to momma mode so you good)

can we please acknowledge jon’s acting..... sir? PHENOMENAL he’s not even saying anything??? he’s just looking at the lt yet i’m near tears

gentle reminder i love the basilones🥺🥺🥺 the way they are so supportive even though they don’t understand and they are scared for him but they accept and respect that john wants more, needs more and they’re putting their own fears aside so he can spread his wings for no better turn of phrase.

‘just get the job done, and come home to us’ the way his head falls and he has to stop his voice from breaking. i’m s fucking bitter

THE HAND HOLD MY GOD

leckie:((( look hes a bastard and he pisses me off but no matter how much i bully him i do love him a lot and the complete disregard and uncaring nature from his dad breaks my heart. a handshake then gone just like that? HIS FACE BEFORE ‘there’s a war on everybodies got to make sacrifices’ he looks so hurt and broken baby

GENE MY SWEET SWEET BABY GOD THIS SO SAD ALEXA PLAY DESPACITO. my baby just wants to do his part :( CUT THE CAMERAS DEAD ASS I WILL CRY BABY PLEASE DON’T CRY JUST WAIT A FEW MORE EPS my heart really do be looking like: <eugene3

‘gene, supper’s ready’ ma’am i’m sorry but he does not give a shit

SIDNEY MY SWEET SWEET BOY get in a pram if you’re going to be so baby. look while i love him so much and i know he didn’t mean it to be !!!!! he’s just small of brain !!! but when he says “i wish we where going together” that lowkey rubs it in man......... like he’s already heartbroken PLEASE STOP but the “yeah well you take care of yourself greaser” - “you don’t have to worry about me” IM SOFT🥺

“wOWoWOoOOO COME ON GUYS I WORKED HARD FOR THESE ORANGES”

“guadal...kenel...guadal BLEEHHH” didn’t realise hoos was recreating the audience of my english speaking exam. LOOK I REALISE NOW TALKING ABOUT STOICISM TO A BUNCH OF 15 YEAR OLDS WHO DON’T CARE WAS A BAD IDEA BUT I GOT A DESTINCTION SO FUCK YOU TO THAT ONE KID

chuckler baby..... i’m in love with a dumbass. also the hit across the head. i’m soft (lads lets take a shot every time i say i’m soft in this liveblog ITS GONNA BE A FUN NIGHT jk drink responsibly and all that jazz or be dick winters that’s cool too!! heck do a babe heffron and get yourself a caprisun you deserve it)

“professor leckie” please don’t fuel his ego HE DOES NOT NEED IT

HOLD UP I NEED TO SWITCH FROM THE TV TO MY LAPTOP TO SCREEN CAP THIS SHIT LEW MY SON HAVE YOU BEEN BITING INTO AN ORANGE LIKE IT IS AN APPLE??? I WOULD BE MAD BUT HE LOOKS SO CUTE on a real note though can you eat the skin???? will he be okay?????

okay two hoos things: 1.) he looks SO DONE and i’m living for it 2.) can we talk about jacobs nose..... IM DYING TO TALK ABOUT JACOBS NOSE

okay the boats scene give me saving private ryan flashbacks i came out here to have a good time AND I AM NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME oh wait never mind runner just went ‘i could really use a stiff one right now’ i hate that but he saved the day with his dumbassery so thank you good sir i love you with all my heart

fun fact my how co ranking goes chuckler, runner, hoos, leckie

OH FUCK I FORGOT SID SJAKSJSJ y’know for someone who talks about how much they love sid i forget about him a lot. thank you for blessing my screen with your pretty face it helped me remember you exist LMAO guys my memory is not okay i’m actually concerned...... but more importantly i’d put him between hoos and leckie in the ranking :,)

call it what it is. babyism. y’all better stop before i cuddle you LOOK AT THIS SHIT THEY’RE ADORABLE

runner is the only bitch i respect in this house he’s so fucking funny

‘they’ve? poisoned? a? billion?! coconuts?’ that poor son of a bitch BLESS HIM don’t shoot the messenger okay? he seems like a sweet bean

that shot of hoos, leckie and chuckler looking down at the camera into the bunker? my sexuality. my left brain: tomas stop thirsting it’s an intense and serious show. my righ brain: but?? they’re pretty?? me nodding smugly and in agreement: BUT THEY’RE PRETTY.

THIS MAN AND HIS GUM I CAN’T why is that me. i am the gum man at my school that sounds so weird ajsksjsj i just always have gum. ALSO spearmint is superior to normal mint. NORMAL MINT BURNS LIKE ITS SPICY BRO. bubblemint is superior superior but that’s more expensive rip😭😭😭😭😭😭

‘it’s like the fourth of july’ nice to my boy sufjan getting some rep he is king of the gays after all mr i can’t explain the state that i’m in the state of my heart he was my best friend. we all owe him EVERY parallel on this goddamn app. jk there’s one other king of the gays and that is demon! shane (bfu). no this is not up for debate

the shot of the ships is phenomenal. that’s one thing i do have to credit hbo on. the special effects and cinematography are beautiful and so fucking impressive like???

‘we’re killing them’ - ‘where’s the navy?’ / ‘gone we lost four cruisers’ GOD I HAVE SUCH A LOVE HATE RELATIONSHIP FOR FORSHADOWING LIKE SOMETIMES ITS SO SEXY AND OTHER TIMES IM LIKE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GO AWAY

WHY DOES SID LOOK OVER HIS SHOLDER BEFORE TAKING THE WINE SIR NO ONE IS GONNA TELL YOU OFF AT WAR FOR DRINKING UNDERAGE like???? i don’t think an 18 year old having a swig is their biggest problem bless his heart

‘can’t fight em drunk don’t fight em at all’

bill if you are reading this i’m free on thursday night and would like to hang out. please respond to this and then hang out with me on thursday night, when i am free😌😘🥰😳🥺👉👈😤💘💓🙄🥴

FUCK I FORGOT HOW LOUD THE GUN SHOTS WHERE THINK I JUST WOKE THE WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD JC

‘skipper? skipper are you okay?? goddamnit he’s lost it come on’ :(((((

god the shots in this show really are phenomenal. i know it’s very gory and very hard to watch at times but it definitely has the best shots of the three en mi opinion. i’m a slut for the close up of dick screaming ‘move out’ with rounds flying. like who’s ever call that was? outstanding but like that’s just one? the pacific has so many emotive and excellently shot scenes.

JOG ON. STOP. IM SO SOFT IM GOING TO CRY THIS IS NOT OKAY. MOMMA CHUCKLER I CAN’T🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

how seemlessly the scenes flow one after the other despite being opposite ends of the spectrum i DID NOT GIVE TP ENOUGH CREDIT like yeah it makes me sad as fuck but from a production point of view the writing? the acting? the cinematography? DAMN

how visibly torn and pissed off hoosier looks over the other marines tormenting the japanese soldier, stringing out his death when he’s obviously in a lot of mental as well as physical pain? the only bitch i respect in this house.

okay so like? while the shot is scarring both for him and the audience to see that kind of effortless murder it was the right thing to do? it’s better then have him be tormented and it will help leckie in the long run? how broken he looks though? like the distance is his eye and the way he swollows....... WHO IS CUTTING ONIONS HUH???? brilliant james BRILLIANT

the way i just said ‘if biology would have permitted it i would be asking you to have my babies’ at the sight of a man shoving smokes up his nose....... now ladies theyzies and gents, a prime reason to show why you should do your work. this is tom. tom didn’t do his work. with nothing to do all day tom became bat shit..... don’t be like tom. okay like it is cute though COME ON

HOW PROUD AND SMUG AND HAPPY HE LOOKS AT HIS PREMOTION ‘yes ma’am i am a corporal’ HE IS SO BABY AND FOR WHAT. oops sorry lads looks like i dropped this:

the shot of leckie swimming in the water fading off to the shot of the dead bodies mirroring his movement but obviously a life less version OOOH IMMA SUE

god love me some men with black lungs LECKIE DO BE LOOKING GOOD LIGHTING THAT CIG DAMN

“i have a girlfriend lucky me” HOOS IS LIKE MY GAY ASS YOU SURE????

“you guys step aside the real marines are here now” “AND I’VE BEEN HERE FOR SOME TIME” that shuts iconic even i said wahayyyy

also runner..... i am looking RESPECTFULLY👁👁

you’re not special leckie we all want hoosier

sister👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

baby gene :,( YOU GINGER LIL BEBE I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH

can you really call yourself a hbo war an if you don’t sing along at the end... ITS A TUNE also hoos’ voice...... its about the drawl.......

#god ive missed these idiots #im so glad i rewatched #im a bit scared for the rollercoaster that is the rest of the series however asjsksjks #enjoy me being an idiot #thank you to the beauties that told me how to do the keep reading thing you da best xxxx #the pacific #hbo war #eugene sledge #bill hoosier smith #lew chuckler juergens #robert leckie #sidney phillips #wilbur runner conley #john basilone

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suepixels · 4 years

Note

What is this whole stealing classed for example if i downloded a lot for sims 4 and changed the redesign of the house the windows doors walls etc and them used it on sims is that stealing?

I think you’re asking me what simmers consider or classify as stealing? Until a certain level, this is an individual/subjective feeling. Let me tell what I think and consider as stealing: I will categorize my understanding of stealing creations with four different types (Especially Lots in this case but same goes for Households) ;):

#01 The Bold CopycatRegardless where this Simmer downloads a creator’s lot like Tumblr, Gallery, TSR, CC Finds, Creator’s Blog, etc. and doesn’t do any changes but reuploads somewhere else the exact same lot? Yeah, in that case, this is a bold move and I consider that as 100% stealing. Simply imagine how disappointing that is. All the hours or even days you invested to create it for others to enjoy, and you deserve all the credit but someone else is the attention grabber and claims your creation as theirs. This is not cool, at all! I mean we have a bunch of those Bold Copycats, especially on the Gallery but some also on diverse Social Media Platforms. Fairplay would be nice but sadly we have some “black sheeps” who simply disrespect the hard work a creator puts in their creations for others to enjoy.

#02 The RedesignerThis simmer changes the structure of the building, redesigns the rooms and implements own ideas. Now, in that case, it depends on how similar this build is. This is more an individual (very subjective) feeling what some simmers still consider as stealing. To me personally, everything over 50% is no longer stealing but then I do think why didn’t this simmer simply build it then from scratch themselves? I’m sure this could have been amazing if it would be built from scratch. But you know in that case if credit is given I don’t judge here too hard but it depends.

#03 The ExtractorI don’t consider “extracting” a look (or parts) as stealing if you find elements in a building you love by a creator. Of course, you build this lot from scratch yourself, it has your own design-style and you just add your own touch, even if you don’t add your touch. I view this as “being inspired by”. Many tutorials on Youtube or the #ts4 interior here on Tumblr show a bunch of ideas on how to build something and create some dope fine illusions, styles, designs, etc. A lot of builds by creators can inspire you to recreate certain elements, styles or looks for your own build and I would feel honored if others get inspired by my ideas from my builds.

#04 The UserIf a simmer downloads a lot and redesigns it, changes the structure and may even decide to add CC to that lot but doesn’t upload this creation anywhere and uses them only in their own save file? In your save file you are the Sim-God/Sim-Goddes and you can do whatever the hell you want =D. This is not stealing at all - as long you are not re-uploading it elsewhere. Most creators would still love to be tagged eg if you are a storyteller or if you create a lookbook with a creator’s lot ;)! A creator loves to see their creations in action and wants to share the joy with you and on top of that, you make them also happy. This is not a must but it’s nice to do and shows that you want them to know how you use it.

A copycat is scared to be creative but this shouldn’t be the case - everyone tries and fails but you learn and improve. Dear Copycat, trust in your ability that you can also contribute a wonderful creation. Just go for it and trust me getting credit for your own creations is the best reward you can get *___*!

Thank you for asking me *_* and I hope this answers your question, nonny ;)

#asksue #my nonnies #nonny asks #sue babbles #whatever you want to know feel free to ask ;)#cool I love to answer asks #hehe

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simsontherope · 5 years

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Frequently Asked Questions

I know that my FAQ page is not accessible on the mobile app, so I created this post, for you to check before you ask something. It will be linked in the description of my blog.

I almost never see you reply to messages and asks on your blog, it’s normal?

Yep, I like to keep my blog clean, in fact. Don’t worry, I always reply (or I try !), but in private. If the same question is often asked, I add something here in my FAQ :)

What are your Terms of Use ?

If you want to edit one of my creations and share it, or convert it for another game, or if you want to use my textures or meshes, please just send me a message before. I won’t say no in most cases, I simply want to know about it if you are going to edit one of my custom content.

If it’s a recolor, don’t include the original mesh. In any case, don’t forget to credit me and give a link to the original content ;)

And of course, don’t re-upload my content; or/and claim it as your own !

And if you like my creations, feel free to make a donation ! ;)

Do you take request ?

Nope. Yes. Maybe. Most of the things I created were for my personal use only at the beginning, but as it could be useful for other people, I make them available for download. You can send me request, but I will only create things that I need in my game. And only if I have time to do it.

As I no longer play with the Sims 3, I won’t create new content for this game.

How do you edit your pictures ? It looks so good !

For my lots or gameplay screens, have a look at this post !

If you want to know how I work on my more worked picture (under the Sims Art tag), you can try this tutorial.

Where can find your crations on the gallery ?

Use my Origin ID simsontherope to find my stuff. :)

Any tips to create sims like yours ?

Yep, I wrote this.

Can I download all your sims ?

Some time ago, I put some of my sims on the gallery but decided to remove them. I explain why on this post.

I understand it can be frustrating. But I already share many things, a lot of families, clothings, haircuts, even two worlds for the Sims 3, and some objects. ;)

What custom content do you use on your sims ?

I don’t use any skin replacement for the moment, as I don’t like the way almost all of them works (as skin detail). And I like the base game one ! The only thing that bothers me are the lips, so I created a custom “lipstick” with different shades of pink, available here. And I also use my own eyes replacement obviously !

If you are looking for the face details I use, try to have a look at this post, or this one !

For the hairs, the clothes…. I only download maxis-match content. And I can’t really give you the link of all the tumblr/website where I find everything. You can send me a message, if you are looking for a specific item.

Can you share your Mods folder ?

Nope, I won’t share my mod folder. Most of the creators’s Term of Use say that they don’t want to see their custom contents reuploaded. Mine included. When you get a CP in a mod folder, you don’t know where it comes from, If the creator need to update it, because he find out there is a problem with his creation, because a patch break it, or because he can now correct an issue he wasn’t able to correct before, you won’t be able to find out. Also, you might miss the future creations of this creator, creations that may interest you too !

Also, create clothings, hairstyles, lots, or furnitures, it takes time. Creators deserve that you have a look at their blog/website, not only for their custom content, but also for all they are sharing ;)

Can you put this lot to download ?

If it’s not already available, there is two different cases :

It was created using a lot made by someone other. I don’t feel sharing these because it would be… kind of stealing I think. I always try to give the OriginID of the original creator (when I don’t, you can be sure I searched for a long time for it on the gallery, without result), so you can find the lot and edit it like mine if you want to.

For the others, I use too many custom content on them, so it would take me too much time to make a list of everything. And I can’t take time to do this ! Yes, it may be a bit selfish, but I think I already share many things with you on my blog. You are totally free to use the pictures as reference to recreate my lots. And you are also free to ask me about where I found a specific content (but please, search by yourself first ;D), or how I made something.

I can’t see your creations in the CAS :(

Before sending me a message, please update your game to the last update ;)

But in most cases, I won’t be able to help you unfortunatly :(

Can you share Brynmar/Savidal/Brightwater CAW files ?

Unfortunately, I’ve lost all these files some month ago, so I can’t share them !

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juanjoltaire · 6 years

Note

hey!! i’ve been looking through your blog for a while now and i’m completely head-over-heels in love with your art style!! i don’t draw much but i’ve been looking to do it more often, i was wondering if you had any tips for drawing bodies and different postures? thankyou 💖 (also please keep up the wonderful les mis art you do, it’s stunning✨)

Thank you so much! :D

1. Life drawing!

I talk about this all the time but I promise, that’s where to start getting better at figuring out how to do bodies on your own. The first semester of most art schools always involves a figure drawing course. If your college isn’t offering them, there are groups all over that you can join in (I’ve done Dr. Sketchy’s in three different cities.) Search life drawing (or figure drawing, same thing) in your area. Next week I’m going to a three hour session at my local art museum.

If that doesn’t exist, you can always ask your friends to pose for you for fun, or do observational drawing of people all around you out in public. You do not have to spend money to get into life drawing! And I know it sounds academic, but really, that changed everything for me art-wise when I got into doing that. It teaches you how to draw the figure quicker, more gestural, more expressive when you have to do it on the fly. And with practice it will feel right and natural, and help you get a good grasp on proportions.

2. Reference reference reference!

So life drawing doesn’t automatically teach you everything, and sometimes you do need more help developing a body or a pose. Thankfully you can use pictures to help you do that. You’ve got a wealth of options here too. Most importantly, you have yourself. You can take pictures in the mirror of exactly what you want (if you don’t have someone to help you take the picture like me) or if you’re lucky enough to have a friend or roommate to help you, you can have them do your pose for you. Dress up if you need to, have fun, no one ever needs to see it but you.

Next, you have stock accounts that exist solely for providing to artists. Deviantart has a good amount of galleries that are free for any artist’s use. This is one of my faves here: Senshistock. Here’s one that’s specifically for couples interacting, here’s one that’s for male bodies, etc. (Really though Senshistock is my go-to. You can find so much there. I used it in one of my most recent pieces just to get a hand pose I needed to figure out.)

And then lastly of course, is just finding photography you like and sort of making your own take and changing it up. I save a lot of photos of models and environments and erotica and such that I to try drawing to my likes and another side blog just to keep them around for when my imagination well is dry and I want to refresh myself. Here’s what I have open right now:

This is a photo from @randinicholejoan. I really enjoy her fashion blog and I think her outfits are amazing so she was a subject I wanted to draw. Notice that, and this is my personal choice, that I did a similar pose, but not the same thing, because I wanted to make my own unique take on it. I still have almost the same view of the outfit and the purse, so I can still draw it very similarly to how it appears, but it’s not a copy of the photo. In, probably most cases, if you’re drawing a fashion blogger or something it’s fine to directly draw the photo, but sometimes photographers who haven’t put up their photos for reference purposes can be be sensitive about recreation of their work, so make sure to credit and check appropriately. While we’re on the subject, I don’t recommend referencing your poses from other artists unless they are explicitly making reference poses for educational use. Many artists (including me) are sensitive about having their work copied and it doesn’t help the person doing it, education wise, to learn to interpret a 3D form into your own 2D linear style, if it’s already done for you. My personal recommendation is referencing photos photos photos! I do all the time and sometimes, as is the case with @randinicholejoan and my past drawings, you can show the model and they’re very happy about it!

3. Thumbnails, silhouette, and line of action

Lastly lets talk about tips about making bodies from imagination. Thumbnail, silhouette, and line of actions are all things you can use to help you make better poses when you’re creating something from imagination. Many many times, I will start out with little thumbnails. Remember that your first drawing does not have to the final drawing! So that’s why it’s good to make little miniatures and figure out how you want the shape of the body to be.

When you start off with something small in your sketchbook, you can better see how the shapes interact. You want everything to be clear. Which brings us to silhouette. Silhouette is a drawing principle for poses that states a dynamic and readable pose is one where a viewer knows how the figure is posed even when it is completely filled in with shadow. Notice that with the case of these Newsies, you would still know what they were doing.

Now I’m not telling you I chose the best poses ever, but when you’re creating a pose for an illustration checking your silhouette, how negative and positive space play together, can you help you find a good readable pose. You don’t have to always have something make sense in silhouette, but it’s a helpful tool you have at your disposal.

Lastly, you have your line of action, which is honestly something I need to pay attention and work on more. But the idea is that the general line of your pose, usually stemming from the character’s spine, follows a strong singular line or S curve. Finding where it is as you’re deciding on your pose can help you make something stronger.

Here’s a sample of the S curve:

(Newsies post found here, Mettaton here.)

So anyway, just make sure you check things out when you’re deciding on your pose that it is clear and fluid. Even me making this now made me realize that most of my gallery could use more line of action so I’m going to work on that. (And please, google line of action and I’m sure you’ll find people who can explain it with better examples than I! This is just some general tips!)

Anyway I hope me writing all this has helped and I hope you have fun working on your poses :)

#art tips

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btstaejimin · 6 years

Text

Desire or Comfort? (Jimin and Taehyung Angst)

Hey guys,

I haven’t posted any original content for a while, but recently I have reconnected with a friend who is also an ARMY as a result of me sksksksk ^^. She managed to get me to write up my personal dreams in the form of an imagine/fanfic. While also encouraging me to post them, this is my first ever smut post(well first chapter is suggestive, second and third chapters though... oh hunny ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )

I apologise for being MIA for the last year or so, I’m currently in my second year of university... ya girl is getting old T_T. I think I started this blog back in 2015 when I was a year into being an ARMY, I was very active and then exams were around the corner and I just focused on reblogging content from blogs dedicated to BTS. Anyway enough rambling. I’ve written 3 chapters so far (we all know I prefer one-shots cos I'm lazy heh), but if the first one does well I’ll post the other two. Hope you enjoy xx

(A/N: Apologies my writing style might’ve changed a lil bit xx)

Warnings: Smut(in future chapters), Adultery... and Angst heheh

Word Count: 3984

Part 2

Chapter 1

It had been 2 and half years since he seized the opportunity to step past the friendship boundary I had created. Though I was in love with him, I was okay with watching him from afar. Our friendship started off with a rare opportunity I came across.

You see I was a freelancer, a teacher in the day and anything in the evening to make extra money on the side. Though most of my jobs were either being a runner on set, makeup artist or hair stylist or even a cleaner. My passion was photography. Non-profit projects were often funded by my side jobs, luckily enough one of the works I did, managed to be viewed by an assistant whom worked for a popular boy band. At the time, I was unaware of their popularity but I did appreciate their music.

Through word of mouth, I managed to work on set at a shoot with the said boy band, and later on, was gifted the opportunity to work full time with their team. I was intrigued by the shortest boy of the group, his skin was fair as snow, ebony hair and hooded eyes that could trap your soul if you were not careful. He was living beauty at its most divine. His looks were intimidating until he smiled, that domineering feeling vanished once she showcased his pearly whites with pride. His name was Park Jimin. He was the reason for the sins I proceeded to commit, though aware of the consequences.

It was innocent at first, he was one of the seven boys that continued to captivate me without ease. Though he was the most enchanting to me, there was another that did not fail to make me question my sanity. He was tall, shoulders as broad as a door frame, lashes that aided in losing yourself in his uneven brown eyes, fingers slender yet gentle, his rectangular smile would make your heart flutter to the point you forgot how to breathe. He too played a role in my confusion between my heart and my loins. Kim Taehyung. That devil bastard, ruined everything in one simple moment of weakness.

In the first year of working for the seven talented boys, I amassed deep connections to a select few, though I was on good terms with all the handsome men, a select few proceeded to play with my heartstrings as though I was a harp and they were beginner harpists whom they’d break in till they learned every inch of the instrument.

I was like putty in their hands, anything they asked for, I’d do, but their smiles were enough reward for my sore legs. After eight months, Jimin decided to seize the opportunity into asking me on a date.

His hair now blonde, cascaded effortlessly across his forehead, lips plump and rosy, he begun..

“Let me take you out to eat sometime, Y/N” he insisted.

His hand found the small of his neck while he shun his teeth through his thick lips.

‘*Sigh* .. I hate when he does that... Why does he have to do that?’ I thought as I felt my face flush with crimson

‘If I just play dumb and say sure as friends, then maybe, he’ll catch on’

It's not that I did not want to date him, but over time as I stood next to him or remotely near the piece of artwork, I was reminded of my insignificance and how much I didn’t deserve to be even breathing the same air as something so beautifully breath-taking.

“Yeah, let's go get some spicy rice cakes or something, it’s important for friends to hang out” I exclaimed brushing past him to the practice room where all the other boys were waiting.

Though I recall that moment being very awkward, it didn’t stop him.

He followed me into the room, making his presence known.

“Y/N, I didn’t mean as friends, I want to date you, for goodness sakes!” He spoke with haste.

The room did not fail to submerge me in ‘oooh’s’ and ‘ahhhh’s’ and ‘wooo’s’. I was drowning, not only in embarrassment, but fear.

He was something I wasn’t deserving nor worthy of, he was someone whom was my forever person, but things took a turn for the worst in our second year of being together.

Things became dull, overfamiliar and repetitive. We both were undeniably uncomfortable in an environment we labelled to be a place of comfort.

Overtime, it created an issue with his best friend Taehyung, as I often found myself indulging in his company to escape the blandness, I called my lover.

Jimin hated the way I smiled so often around Taehyung, the way he was able to change my body language just through entering the room. He was jealous, and I was ignorant to it. We both found comfort in other things, unfortunately for him, my comfort was found in the other members.

Jungkook, the youngest of the seven managed to find my portfolio of old works and had asked to accompany me on one of my projects, he was the only one who knew about my passion, he was respectful, humble and willing to learn. He had helped me on set that day, our bond became stronger through our mutual interest. After arriving at the dorm that evening, Jungkook continued to discuss possible concepts to explore in my work till he stumbled upon an idea.

“Considering, you’ve been doing minimal projects lately, I’m guessing you’re suffering from mild artist block?” He hummed leaning his head to one side while lifting the corner of his mouth.

“How did you know?” My eyes widened from the sudden intrigue.

“Mmm, you don’t seem yourself lately, I mean we’ve known you for 3 and a half years, yet only 3 months ago did I find your portfolio while you were cleaning out your apartment”

The young man decided to take it upon himself to read me like a book?

I wasn’t offended, more confused, I’d be lying if I said I was myself lately, but with the current tension with Jimin, I never had time to plan projects as I was always preoccupied with my growing concern for our relationship.

“Ahhh, photography is like my little secret you see, it's my guilty pleasure, I don’t really like sharing my work with others” I smiled faintly.

“I see, but your works are beautiful, they are something to be showcased, you know Taehyung is into photography too” He chimed.

Speak of the devil, the handsome figure walked into the open planned kitchen with nothing but slacks, a beanie and a long sleeve t-shirt hanging from his frame. Bastard. He was so effortlessly attractive and he knew it.

“What’s this I hear about photography?” He cheeks balled up as he poured himself a glass of water.

“Hyung, did you know Y/N is a photographer? She refuses to be credited for her works though.” He turned to the older male.

Taehyung stopped drinking, and in that moment, I felt the piercing eyes of the male search for my soul.

“No, I had no idea” He whispered, I could almost taste the betrayal he felt from the string of words, he let slip from his lips.

My head remained low as I searched the cupboards for something to eat.

“Why didn’t you tell me Y/N?, I thought we were close.” He spoke, looking for my eyes.

“I don’t know, it never came up, so I never got around to telling you.” I shrugged.

“But how come Kook knows?” He took a seat at the island, crossing his arms.

“Oh, that’s my fault, Hyung. I went to her apartment while she was cleaning and found her portfolio” He spoke.

The air was thick, I wasn’t exactly sure why, possibly because Taehyung felt left out of the loop, but even Jimin didn’t know much about my hobby, only that I take pictures on occasion.

For that moment, I wanted the floor to swallow me whole.

“I have an idea, since you’re suffering from a block, how about we flip roles, you be the subject and I am the photographer” Jungkook jumped up from his stool, excited from the prospect.

“How about I pick a place personal to me and then the concept I come up with, you have to recreate as the photographer and me as the subject?” He added.

“Umm, I don’t know Kook, I’ve never been the subject before, I’m much more comfortable behind the camera, I mean its a good idea bu-“

“I’m in” Taehyung cut.

“Huh?” I questioned.

“I’ve always wanted to shoot you Y/N, I’ve told you time and time again, that you should model or something, but you never listen to me, this would be a great opportunity, to switch roles and stimulate your creativity!” He answered while Kook nodded his head in agreement.

“I don’t wan-“

“I want to join in too” A voice spoke from behind the nearest wall.

“I mean she is my girlfriend after all, plus I’d get to spend some quality time with her” Jimin smiled.

“I didn’t sign up for this, I don’t want to” I hissed.

“I mean you owe us an explanation about this deep-rooted hobby so this is a nice way out of it and its beneficial to all of us” Taehyung demanded, eyes dark as he stood from the island.

“We’ll let you know what we plan to do, just keep the next two weeks free for us” Taehyung spoke once more, turning his back to me while lifting his hand as he left the kitchen.

The time had come where I’d be the subject of the boys eyes, though I didn’t want to, the more I thought about it the more I convinced myself that this was an opportunity for new inspiration. With most things Taehyung requested to do things first, in this instance it wasn’t an exception either.

He had planned to take me to Daegu, his home city and place of origin and birth, he had always been proud of his dialect more than others. Yet, something seemed off with him, he had requested to have me for 5 of the 14 days I was told to keep free.

Why would he need 5 days for a simple photoshoot?

As we began walking through the local market, he began

“To put it simply Y/N, the boys and I decided we would have to do 3 concepts with you each, I got the most amount of days because we will be going to Japan for two of them, the other three we shall be in Daegu” he sung while spinning on his heel with hands stretched out.

“I didn’t agree to go to Japan for this stupid project! I’m going home!” This was a bad idea, I didn’t want to be a pain but my gut was telling me being alone with Tae was dangerous enough in itself, but being abroad with him.. I don’t know whether I’d be able to control my hormones around him, the sexual tension was high enough in itself. The prospect of something so romantic could jeopardise my relationship with Jimin.

He was quick yet firm to grab my wrist while pulling it up to a 90-degree angle parallel to my face.

Stopping me before I could find my way back to the train station.

“Hey, I already booked our tickets with the help of Jimin, it’s too late to go back now”

What... why would Jimin give him my passport and other details so easily if he detests our closeness?

Was he testing me? Or did he genuinely trust me?

The first shoot with Taehyung was awkward, seeing him crouched in different positions to find the angle he wanted was intimidating, I hated myself for how I admired his passion, the white shirt he wore showcased his collarbones and abnormally muscular neck. All I could think about was how his skin felt while he pranced around his chosen studio, showing me his body in all angles.

Taehyung appreciated the simpler things in his photography, he had always had an eye for vintage cameras. He’d always exclaim how he like capturing moments and snippets in time loops when it came to scenic pictures. However, with subjects he found it difficult to explore ideas as he appreciated candid shots. The first shoot took place in a modern yet minimalistic studio. Choosing soft fabrics such as satin and cotton, against a white background, mostly using the natural sunlight to capture his shots.

“Y/N, this shoot is about capturing you in your most innocent state, I want you to be vulnerable but willing” He hummed.

“Tae, what do you mean willing?” I questioned.

“I mean, as in willing to learn, I want you to be vulnerable but open-minded to the prospect of exploring a relationship” He demanded.

Yeah, Taehyung was never good at conveying what he wanted from others.

“Okay, let me give you context, you have just come out of a difficult relationship, you meet this guy, he is genuine and he makes you excited, but you are reluctant” He explained.

“Okay, I’m following...” I replied.

“Right, now I want you to be open-minded to the prospect of exploring a relationship with this new guy” He smiled.

At the time, I should’ve realised where he was going with this concept, however, I was too caught up in the moment of feeling oddly vulnerable in front of the camera. I didn’t like it, so I tried to convey what was asked of me so I could return to my comfort zone. Taehyung had made it a point to keep my face natural and the set minimal.

“Tae, what’s the general theme of your shoots?” I asked while packing up his equipment.

“Hmmm, I want to achieve three images of you in your rawest form” he hummed while folding the sheets.

“Any particular reason why?”

“I think that’s when you are the most beautiful” He showcased his boxy smile, making my heart flutter for a moment.

I felt guilty as I paused to watch the tall figure move around the studio so gracefully, I wanted to embrace him yet kick him at the same time. He knew I was with his best friend, yet he proceeded to taunt me like this?

“Ha ha, so cringey, anyway I’m going to give Jimin a call” I spoke sarcastically, quickly removing myself from the tension he caused.

Rapidly searching for Jimin in my contacts, I wanted to hear his voice, I needed to hear it, to keep me grounded! I needed to be reminded of the difference between love and lust.

“Jagiya, I miss you” I spoke. [Jagiya=Honey, sweetie, love]

“How’s Tae?” Chim asked.

Odd. Instead of responding to me, he’s concerned about Taehyung.

“He’s well I guess, you could call him if you’d like” I hissed.

“I will, I’ll see you soon”

“Yah! If you dare hang up on me Park Jimin, you’ll have another thing coming” I shouted.

“Like what?” He questioned snidely.

I hung up, his sass was too much for me right now, if anything that call pushed me even further away from him.

“Everything alright?” Taehyung was quick to attend my bruised ego.

I debated making a snide remark about his best friend but the prospect of showing Tae the cracks in what was left of my relationship would hurt what was left of my pride.

“Yeah, I’m going to back to then bnb to have a nap, I’m quite tired after today” I whispered.

“What? No! its only 2pm Y/N, you promised you’d let me show you my home city!” He pleaded.

“Yah, Taehyung-ah.. I’m not in the mood, with you being all happy around me will just make me feel guilty!”

“You argued with Jimin didn’t you.” That boy could see right through me. I didn’t realise how transparent I truly was.

“I did not.”

“You did, you’re so obvious” He sighed.

“And wha-“

In moments, I felt the boy’s strong arms wrap around my torso, pulling me into his embrace. He hot breath dispersed across my scalp. Why? Just why did he have to touch me? He was contributing to the cracks in my relationship. I felt responsible for putting my guard down.

He was the puppeteer to my heartstrings, and I was the idiot allowing myself to be played.

“It’s okay, you can cry. I’m here, I’m always here.” He spoke, placing his chin on the crown of my scalp.

My ears were pressed against his broad chest, his heart was steady and calm.

“Taehyung. I don’t mean to be rude, but can you let go of me” I said brazenly.

“uh?”

I pushed myself away from the figure. I already felt bad for being close friends to the boy, but the tension he was causing within every dynamic I shared with the boys and myself was becoming unhealthy.

The second shoot with Taehyung took place in a studio filled with heaps of flowers.

“This is the second stage of your new relationship, you’re blossoming, figuratively and literally” he skipped searching for flowers to encase my body in.

“Imagine that this is a new chapter of your life, better yet a new volume, you’re a new person and this guy brings the best out of you”

At this point, I should’ve seen what was coming, but I was still offended by Jimin’s disregard for my being and feelings, he was purposely being spiteful because he was bitter.

“Ah, one second, Jimin’s calling me” He laughed.

Wow. They are both bastards. I’d half expect Taehyung would not pick up, but I’d also hope that Jimin would contact me back first.

“Jimin told me to tell you that you should unblock him”

Oh, I forgot... I am quite irrational when I’m irritated.

“He also said that he is sorry, and that he misses you”

Suspicious, why would Jimin provide any insight into our relationship when he detests the fact that I, too am close to his beloved Taehyung.

“Ok” Is what I chose to reply with, possibly because I wanted to be an asshole, but also because I refused to show any ounce of emotion to all parties concerned.

Before I knew it, I was on a plane to Japan. Sitting next to someone whom was beautiful even when they were drooling. Taehyung had always been irritating due to the sole fact that, that boy could be dressed in a bin bag and he’d still look like a model.

“If you’re going to stare at me like that while I sleep, I’m assuming you’re giving me permission to do the same?” He spoke with his eyes still closed.

That cocky bastard, he had eyes at the side of his head now too?

“Oh no, I was just admiring the string of drool that’s hanging from your chin” I hissed, turning my head to face the seat in front of me.

Hastily, the boy wiped his string of saliva with the back of his hand. Classy.

I refused to speak to Jimin till I had landed back in SK. Taehyung and I were booked to be in Japan for 2 and a half days after all, might as well make the most of it, right?

Wrong. That’s where I committed the sinniest sin amongst sins. [not an actual word, but in this instance... is a word]

Japan was beautiful, Taehyung seemed to have perfectly timed such a trip, or it was due to his sheer luck. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was based on luck, due to his undeniably beautiful features and personality to pair.

Sakura. The season of cherry blossoms gracing the country. Taehyung had booked a hotel in Kyoto, his demeanour changed the moment we checked in at the hotel. Something sinister yet determined, became evident in his actions.

This hotel had a bath that emulated that of the hot springs famous around Japan. He had me dressed in nothing but a large white shirt. I felt even more vulnerable than I did in the first shoot. I’d hope I wouldn’t have to be in the bath. If I had known what would’ve happened after the shoot, I would’ve protested.

“Y/N, I know this seems outrageous, but I promise you that this is only in sight of our project, I want you to submerge yourself in the water” [water is wet]

“I want you to be completely wet, this is the last stage of your relationship blossoming, you don’t have to feign innocence, you can allow your body to be possessed by lust in its rawest from”

“I’m not going to judge you nor scrutinise you, but I want you to look at the camera as though you’re seeing Jimin naked for the first time” He sang to me.

He was playing a dangerous game, I was only wearing that t-shirt and a pair of knickers, didn’t he know that the material would cling to every orifice of my body. What was he playing at exactly?

“Umm, I don’t feel comfortable with doing that, Tae” I spoke stepping into the mist filled tub.

“Just do it Y/N” He demanded.

“Show me your sensual side, show me what else there is to you” He pleaded.

Was he talking to be directly or figuratively? Or both?

“Taehyu-“

“Seriously, we flew all the way here for you to do this?”

I found myself almost completely submerged under, leaving but my nose to forehead above water.

“You’ve done this for me twice already! I just want to see the real you, okay?” He reassured the knots in my stomach, that this was for art. If I should part-take in such a project, I should at least commit completely.

The transparent liquid aided in adjusting my nerves, it was warm and comforting, I just needed to use my imagination to give the shots that was required of me.

I began posing in ways that were foreign to me, mostly using my eyes to envelope Tae into a façade that appeared real, yet was entirely fake.

I wanted to take him, he was my muse in that moment. I was not making love to the camera, I was making lust to him. He was cruel to put me in such a compromising predicament, but to his surprise, I did not falter at the task at hand.

Moments passed and we were finished with his project.

“Wow, that was beautiful” He said in awe as he looked back at some of his prized shots while I continued to sway in the liquid.

He placed his camera in a dry place, reaching for the nearest towel.

Reaching for my hand, he aided in helping me out of the safe haven. I realised later that my skin was visible through the saturated material. Nipples apparent and erect. His eyes darkened before me as he wrapped the cotton cloth around my frame. Pulling me closer, he looked down on me with eyes that had a motive.

“Forgive me for what I’m about to do”

Before I could speak, I felt pressure against my lips. Soft, subtle even pressure, against my lips. He was cruel. I found myself melting into his mouth, wanting more than just a chaste kiss. His firm hands snaked around my hips, allowing the cloth to fall at our feet. Gripping tightly, I yelped, earning him access to explore my moist cavern. Knots found their way into my abdomen. I was excited as a thick fog claimed my vision.

In that moment, I did not give Jimin a second thought. It had been so long since I’d be touched like this, felt wanted like this. Taehyung respected my space, time and individualism. He was enticing, comforting and appreciative. God, he was a bastard for that.

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