#idk it rlly just feels like i have to not go broke and kill myself until i finish undergrad and grad school

[millersix]

vent time

#ive been rlly depressed 4 a long time #nd i dont know what to do w myself or my life #like i had the doctor plan but i rlly cant bring myself to give a shit about anything #nd i know that i could just drag my feet thru school and get in cuz school is easy as fuck #but i just. dont care #about anything #except substance abuse #and sleeping a lot #and ive been living here for 2 years and have 0 friends #ive maybe had 4 social interactions total #that werent talking to someone at work or going to the store #and i rlly just spend all time alone i dont talk to anyone or see anyone cuz its too scary and exhausting #when i have tried to hang out w people those few times it sucked so bad #and the ppl were all cool im just. i cant do that #idk it rlly just feels like i have to not go broke and kill myself until i finish undergrad and grad school #and then i wont be poor yay #but that could be 10 yrs from now #idk where to find enthusiasm for anything #theres shit i find cool and interesting and worthwhile but never for very long #drugs cw #its mental illness innit #i keep hoping if i run away things will get better #i moved across the country got a place moved got a job quit thay job moved again and now i wanna quit my job again #but it never changes anything #bc my mood has little to do with my circumstsnces at this point #im just depressed cuz its easier to be depressed than anything else #and im lucky that i can keep getting away with it #and smart enoguh to do substance abuse while also being a straight A full time student and working a hard demanding job full time #but i also dnt rlly have a choice

[itrin]

TUA S3 (spoilers) 

first of all, holy shit????? like holy shit!!! this was by-far the most incredible season, in terms of acting, cgi, characterisation, sound and music, cinematography -- just intense and overwhelming and gripping and I ate it up in less than a day but anyways here are some of my specific thoughts, haphazardly listed and unsolicited:

viktor coming out and how it was handled was A++ like everyone was normal and chill and so readily accepting with some appropriate humour thrown in but also everyone still gave him shit regardless LMAO

like five "proud of u Viktor, ur an idiot though"

Five "pull this shit again and viktor, ill kill u myself" Hargreeves everybody, supportive but threatening

idk how to feel abt five telling viktor he's there for him but also telling him he'll kill him like??? asshole but I love him regardless, no-- because of it

on that note, never deadnaming viktor even in the heat of a brutal argument isn't something to be praised like it is -- it was a relief that no one deadnamed him even though they were furious and hurt ngl but also this is how its supposed to be!! bare minimum!! u dont deadname trans people even if, especially if, ur pissed at them

tua did an outstanding job handling viktor coming out, A+ for that, could not have asked for better

Luther wanting to give viktor mini sandwiches and throw him a brotherhood party!!! good!!

also that flashback of Allison telling viktor she'd love him no matter what juxtaposed with Allison telling viktor they should've left him in the basement: yikes

AND OMFG ALLISON!!! S3 ALLISON HARGREEVES!! ive genuinely never been more sacred for or of a fictional character like her actress, Emmy, was absolutely phenomenal

characters who're "good" and calm and always say/advocate for the "right" thing and are depended on to be, like, the glue of a group -- these characters falling apart in catastrophic ways will always be a fav of mine because thats Allison Hargreaves man she fell apart catastrophically and her hurt came at the expense of everyone

idc what anyone says I love how Allison was characterised this season I love how she was pushed to her breaking point and fucking broke: she lost her daughter in season 1 because she kept rumouring her rather than parenting her, and she didn't rumour in season 2 until she did and she went mad with power (not that I disagree with who that power was used against, yes queen make the racists burn themselves), and in season 3 she really, really fell into the depths of her power and self-destruction. she used it against viktor (good parallel to that season 1 confrontation in the cabin), used her power against Harlan to kill him, used it on herself

the Luther SA scene was fucked up and unnecessary imo and I had to skip it when I realized where it was going but again: holy fucking shit

also Allison trying to use her powers on herself??? to rumour herself to be happy?? yeah that was fucking heartbreaking like shit

again: Emmy's acting was spectacular like all the dark, hard looks, the screaming "shut your mouth," the breaking-down-and-sobbing just everything like I cannot applaud enough

okay Diego and Lila and Stan and the unborn baby was Wow. A Thing. Very Lila and Diego like ngl and Stan rlly did grow on me and then he fucking got obliterated but seeing Diego come to grips with being a father was so good; at first, he pushed Stan away and out of his sight bc he was busy and had other, more important things to worry about but then Stan came to him for affection and hugged him and cried in front of him when Klaus died and just!! it was good!

Lila has a special place in my heart but her idea of lying to Diego about who Stan is to test him as a father but very in-character and wow both of them reassuring each other they'll be good parents was lovely to see

ANOTHER THING THAT WAS LOVELY TO SEE WAS LUTHER AND SLOANE AND THEM FALLING IN LOVE AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE Luther deserves good things and seeing him basically say "fuck you" to Reginald constantly was great and therapeutic for me as much as it probably was for him

man oh man oh man poor viktor fucccccc like this guy cant catch a break as much as five can; constantly being blamed for ending the world even though the root cause was Reginald and viktor didn't have as much time with his powers as the rest did and its a hugely destructive power too (not always, as seen with Harlan) and its always the factors around viktor that cause the apocalypse -- someone manipulates them, pushes them, until he triggers and loses control and he's shit on for it even though he couldn't control what others did to him?? viktor was using him powers for only a handful of days, significantly less than anyone else, he barely knows what he can do with him or how it affects others yknow

and I dont, cant, even blame Harlan bc he was in the same boat as viktor -- no one to help him figure out how to control his powers, its just reaction after reaction, accidents and no one on the planet would even know how to help him

but it was an interesting choice to give viktor Harlan back, his kid, and take away Allison's kid-

poor five also like not even a seconds rest LMAO and everyone, especially Allison, blames him for all his time traveling mishaps but like?? he was a kid when he first time traveled and he's taken every chance to do what's best for his family and the world, including killing the Board of Directors like this man is flying by the seat of his pants in almost every apocalypse trying to save everyone

KLAUS MY BELOVED IM SO SORRY U HAD TO DIE A HUNDRED TIMES BUT IM SO HAPPY TO SEE HOW MF POWERFUL U ARE!!! immortal?? immortal!! and can dispel spirits as well as summon them!! wow A Mf Man.

Ben was actually v interesting this season bc yeah he's an asshole in the first half but, when it comes down to just 10 people left alive in all of existence, he shows himself as riddled with Daddy Issues, as the name Sparrow being the only thing in his life, as sensitive to rejection ig?? big mad about not being invited to party and also very curious about the "other ben" the umbrella academy is familiar with

Reginald Reginald Reginald; first off, the actor who plays is A+ and I love seeing him on screen. Drugged!Reginald was so sad to see at first, it was so fucking sad to see that, but after finishing the season I can say with my whole chest that drugged!reginald was the best Reginald like Pogo had the right idea. and even I was rooting for Reginald to turn out good and own up to the mistakes of TUA!Reginald and idk if not be a good dad then at least be a good person and encourage the kids and IDK I WANTED HIM TO BE GOOD HERE BC ITS WHAT EVERYONE ELSE DESERVED BUT I WAS DUPED!!! I WAS DUPED AND BLINDED LIKE KLAUS!! im so- and Klaus was so happy and felt loved by him and excited for everyone else to connect with him too and he just turns around and locks him out of the corridor and leaves him to die and Klaus was forced to kill himself

I wonder how Allison felt about both Luther and Klaus dying due to her deal with Reginald (I mean I dont fully blame her for their deaths it was Reginalds fault 100%) but I wonder if she convinced herself that it was "for the greater good" or if it was all gonna ve fixed or worth it later when she got her daughter back

"do u trust me?" BITCH NO????? I actually dont know how Allison could ask viktor that actually maybe cognitive dissonance I mean girl was at sanity's edge but I wonder how much Reginald even told her about the button and the machine?? like how did she know the button would lead to a new universe or smth

the irony of killing Harlan but also using the powers that were boosted by him

now about that ending: im a lil confused but ill take it

its a new universe I think not a reset one bc wouldn't a reset universe let everyone keep their powers?? maybe when Allison pushed the button it got imbued with her desires to not have powers or smth?? did Reginald tinker with the fabric of the universe so humans didn't have powers like these? this alien bitch has a human looking wife?? is she an alien or does she have human skin like Reginald which would mean they've been on earth for a while and when she died Reginald put her on the moon For Some Reason??? what was Luther supposed to her guarding her casket pod on the dark side of the moon from?

did Reginald cause the end of worlds for centuries or do apocalypses follow him too and everywhere he goes, worlds die???

also where the fuck did these "particles" that powered the machine even come from?? what the fuck are these particles?

what does it mean that Five has both arms again?? is he still going to be the founder? has he escaped his fate or??

where is Sloane? give Luther a goddamn break

okay so Allison has her happy ending after everything she pulled, after the relationships she damaged severely and destroyed -- nw what happens? because clearly the umbrella academy isn't done with Reginald and his wife seemingly ruling the world or smth (or at least enjoying very powerful positions, as seen by "Hargreaves" on multiple buildings) so they'll all be pulled together again

(I hope Luther and viktor dont forgive Allison or at least call her out let them cut each other till bones bleed, I say)

let five get a hug?? maybe? a sibling group hug?

#the umbrella academy #the umbrella academy season 3 #tua s3 #tua s3 spoilers

[dietsodaxxx]

all the little things u said.. i put them together. idk if u knew i had bpd.. but from the little hints u were dropping.. i think u did. u kept saying im putting my happiness in u, it creeped u out that i named alot of stuff after u (riley shower, riley prep) , u felt like i was smothering u... i was. sorry.

we were really feeding off each other in the beginning. we're both fucked up. just in different ways.

and u kept saying that i dont rlly like u, and that i didnt love u before.. so u think that i just "put u on a pedestal" bc of the bpd.. which yeah i did become super all about u.. but i didnt see it as an issue. bc i have fixed alot of other things that make me go in a downward spiral. i dont self harm, i dont binge or restrict food, i dont have sex to hurt myself or to feel connections, ... but i did have a major episode when we broke up. thats how i knew i didnt fix everything.

i couldnt leave u alone. i felt like a piece of me was gone. i tried to find who i was by coloring my hair, repiercing my nose, cut my hair, went swimming faaaaaaaaaaaaaar out into the lake and almost drowned... my mom had to help me out of the water

ive thought about killing myself everyday for a few months now. it was gone. but its back. im not going to. never could. and i also told u that i always have this feeling that im going to die soon.. hi bpd how are ya (:

fuck this is so hard. well not really. bc i have learned to manage my triggers. but its still disheartening when i find myself having to control such things. bc other people just live... they dont have to worry about who they are, are they mimicking someones behaviors, are they secretly disliked, noticing the slightest changes in behavior, gestures, body language, words, expression.. EVERYTHING

im 25 and i still feel like a depressed suicidal teen

ive worked so hard to get here. and im thankful to know what the issue is.. but its like.. why??? why do i have this and how do i know when im being genuine and when im just leeching to feel something???

nonono... i dont think i do that anymore. that was the whole purpose of being silent for so long and celibate.

oh god but when u left...... i cant do that again. i see everything u were saying. i apologize.

[dolliedarlin]

Hi I’m one of the anons who’s obsessing over the P.A series!!!!! For some reason my brain has been full w diff things that could happen IDKKK! Hope u don’t mind if I dump a few....

TW: this is A bunch of rambling and some grammar errors LMAO sorry

Idk y I c y/n having a stalker💀 this prob sounds rlly weird but hear me out. (To add drama, also I Lowkey wanna c Mina,Sero and kiri get mad idk y-)

Since we all know y/n is the baddest most sophisticated b*tch (sorry idk if I’m allowed to cuss or not LMAO) her Ex lover is still obsessed w her and thinks that they are soulmate even tho they obv aren’t. I feel like y/n knows he stalks her but she ignores it until it gets worst. Like he found out where she lives. (He finds out where she lives while she’s sick which is now loll)

Anyways I feel like Mina would be over at y/ns place and since she’s getting better they are In her living room talking abt who knows what and y/n gets a knock on her door she goes to open it and admittedly closes it looking shocked. Mina being a pro hero is  supposed to be able to read body language. Mina ask her if everything is Alr and y/n OFC (stupid a**) says yes. Mina didn’t want to keep pressing the issue so she dropped it until it became a reoccurring thing with y/n and it’s not just her that noticed. She (y/n) is extremely hesitant to open the door and when she does she opens it a little bit. (And then idk her EX does crazy like breaks into her apt and scares the sh** outa y/n) THIS IS WHERE MY BIG IDEA STOPS 😭😭😭😭😭😭 that was a lotta rambling my apologies

Have a great day dollie!

oh no! please don’t feel bad, it’s always fun for me seeing what you dolls would want to happen next

although i don’t plan on bringing any psycho exes into ‘the p.a’ series, as a writer and an avid daydreamer, i can’t help but play around with this idea 

warning: there are brief mentions of violence ; this is not a part of ‘the p.a’ series but is just a little thought that i just couldn’t help but try my own hand at also ; i didn’t edit this either 😂 so kindly forgive any grammatical/spelling mistakes 

continuing on from your idea...

⏤mina, having the sneaking suspicion that something bad might happen to you that night, notifies the rest of the group later on that day

⏤usually, bakugou was in charge of you during the night and always sat in a chair beside your bed on high alert, ready to serve your every need...

⏤BUT!

⏤now that mina told them about your suspicious behaviour, all of them were put on high alert. 

⏤they all agreed to keep you unaware of their intentions by having bakugou take care of you like usual but they made sure that when on the night patrol, they were close by with their radios on and constantly being hyper aware of the shortest route to your residence from wherever they were situated - just in case of an emergency 

⏤naturally, they trusted bakugou with keeping you safe but that didn’t mean that they had no worries for you at all 

⏤seeing as you usually feel asleep before bakugou switched with the sero, who took care of you in the late evening, you were under the impression that you were alone at home 

⏤your current condition disallowed you from comfortably staying awake so you were constantly tossing and turning in bed, brows furrowed and sweating more than usual

⏤”what is she dreaming about?” bakugou utters in frustration as he continues to wipe away the vastly accumulating sweat rom your wrinkled brows

⏤he wasn’t frustrated at you no no, he was annoyed at the fact that he couldn’t make you comfortable no matter how many wet towels he uses to cook your forehead or wipe your sweat clean off your skin 

⏤as the night progresses, you eventually fall into a dreamless sleep, far too exhausted to continue stressing over your ex with the added burden of your fever on your body

⏤nevertheless, bakugou continues being on high alert at all times except for when he momentarily leaves to room so as to go to the toilet 

⏤this was the perfect opportunity for your crazy ex to sneak into your room via the window bakugou left ajar so as to help cool you down better 

⏤your ex was a creepy and disgusting man - someone that you had grown to dislike the more you got to know him and naturally left as quickly as you were able to 

⏤what followed was harassment to the highest degree, thankfully you were able to protect yourself due to your self defence training and quirk, however, it didn’t take away the shuddering feeling of being watched constantly

⏤you grew paranoid and extremely fidgety over time and eventually filled for a restraining order. unfortunately, that didn’t work and left you to deal with the situation yourself

⏤you were naive enough to think that you had shaken him after a particularly horrible beating he took from you in self defence. he had come at you with a knife but you were able to disarm him and send him limping home with a dislocated arm, a black eye and a bruised ribcage 

⏤over time, you got busy with work and slowly forgot about him, it wasn’t until today that you were reminded of his crazy obsession with you and were thrown into a panic 

⏤believing that you were alone at night and in your most vulnerable state, you didn’t feel safe and sought to deal with the situation however you could, even in your dreams

⏤all attempts were in vain, however

⏤bakugou, returning from his momentary break to the toilet came back just in time to see your creepy ex hovering over your sleeping figure. as if you sensed the unpleasant existence stalking you, your body stiffened under the blankets and you began to breathe uncomfortably, beginning to sweat bucket-fulls once more

⏤not wanting to disturb your sleep as rest was the top priority for you, bakugou crept up from behind the unknown figure and instantly went for his neck, choking him into silence as he dragged his thrashing figure outside, far away from you all the while sending a emergency signal to the rest of the squad 

⏤in no time at all, the rest of the squad arrived and had your crazy ex cornered. at this time he had already been tied up by bakugou and was ready for a quick chat 

⏤”what the hell were you doing with our yn?” kirishima began, sharp teeth grinding together as he clenched his jaw 

⏤silence 

⏤”speak up, we can’t fucking hear you,” bakugou spat as the others glared on from beside him, their eyes piercing through the moonlight and darkness of the night 

⏤”y-yn isn’t yours - that’s the first thing,” your ex finally cracked, giggling creepily in between 

⏤”you’re right,” sero began, “yn doesn’t belong to anyone so why were did you break into her house,” it took everything in sero not to lash out but they needed answers

⏤”wrong again!” your ex sang, “she doesn’t belong to you, she belongs to me! i’m her boyfriend!”

⏤”yn doesn’t have a boyfriend,” kaminari spoke up

⏤”that’s right! and if she did, we would have known,” mina agreed

⏤“that’s because she doesn’t know it yet, we broke up but we’ll get back together again soon” the tied up man giggled to himself, “it’s only a matter of time before she realises her mistake and she comes back to me,” 

⏤the team of heroes didn’t know what to say, they were so shocked and appalled at what they were seeing and hearing that they couldn’t bring themselves to utter a single word of response, they only listened further

⏤”i hoped she’d come back soon, anyway...but i was getting impatient so i had to try and convince her a little more. she’s been ignoring my love for her all this time, she can’t continue rejecting me for long...” he laughs, “i bet she misses it”

⏤“miss what...?” bakugou didn’t want to know but it had to be said

⏤”i bet she misses being with me. she’s so beautiful and so soft to the touch, she always smells good too and she has such a lovely voice - i want her all to myself, she doesn’t deserve to be anybody else’s”

⏤it was then that the team of heroes just about lost their minds. the creep before them didn’t say anything explicit but the madness in his eyes and the harrowing smile he was displaying was off putting. they dread to imagine what a lowlife nasty sob like him put you through but they saw flashes of unforgivable scenes that sent all of them into insanity 

⏤someone so precious to them didn’t deserve any such treatment. you may not have disclosed anything to them strict on being professional but if this man was willing to break into your house...they were fearful to think about what else he was capable of

⏤he deserved a beating from that act alone, actually, and a beating he got

⏤they could’ve killed the guy - they were more than tempted to and it would have been so easy...but he deserved to suffer in jail for his crimes against you so they held back no matter how painful that was for them 

⏤the very next day, under their authority and recommendation, the man was locked up for as many years as they could tally up and seeing as they were heroes, they were able to look into his past documentations and found you had filed a restraining order for him under harassment, assault and a number of other things they grew all the more furious at the more the read

⏤they would prefer it if you didn’t realise what they did that night but the media couldn’t let the story of 5 high class pro heroes sending a singular, beaten man to jail for life

⏤your creepy ex’s battered photos were all over the news and you were so incredibly grateful  

#love; dollie #precious anon #not part of the pa series #just a little imagining #this was fun

[blu-bary]

“Regrets in The Deep Night”

C!Niki x reader

Angst/ past fluff (rlly small tho)

Word Count: 681

A/N: Kinds proud of this, idk. I don’t really like it but I want to put something out because I really just want to write🥲, anyways, here ya go! (this also takes place the night after Jack and Niki tried to kill tommy, and I swear, I'm a Niki apologist, I just love angst)

—————///———————

“Can you please just look at me? Look me in the eyes and tell me you regret it.”

She wasn’t looking at you. Her face was glued to the floor and she wasn’t going to look up. You knew that. Her pink hair was now out of its regular two, neat buns and messily thrown around on her head. Her clothes reeked of nuclear gasses and her face was showered with disappointment and anger.

To think only a day ago you were lying down, cuddling with her and watching the sunset on a beautiful pond. Her arms entangled with yours, your faces pressed together. That night was so nice. Just being with her in the moment, almost forgetting everything that had happened in your god forsaken lives.

But Niki didn't forget, no she went for revenge against a child. A kid who had been through so much shit, he didn't even realize he was about to be killed by the people he trusted most.

“You don't know how it feels.” Your face perked up at her finally responding. “You don't know how it feels to come to a place and be completely alone, and then your first and best friend starts a fucking war for something a stupid as a country. He made a little battalion and challenged the most POWERFUL MAN ON THE SERVER!”

She was facing you now. Eyes glassy with tears yet to fall. She was holding them in, she didn't want to seem defeated. After every emotion she's feeling right now, grief, anger, failure, she couldn't afford to feel defeated.

She looked into your eyes for a little longer before continuing on, “I cried myself to sleep every night during that war. I was so scared that my first friend was going to lose his life fighting in stupid battle he never should’ve fought in. He was all I had and when he finally won, I could feel the world lift off my shoulders. My best friend had made it through, I thought that was it, no more struggles and no more pain.”

It hurt to see her like this. It really did. You had joined the SMP after Wilbur's death so you didn't know her before the pain she felt. Yet you still managed to fall in love with her, all aspects of her, pain or not.

She continued on. “Then that stupid kid started shit again. You just can’t calm him down.” She gave a little chuckle, like she could remember the good times of the original L’manburg “And everyone followed him, no, encouraged him. Sooner or later, he and Wilbur were exiled and I lost Wilbur again, and then I lost him for good. So yes, I tried to kill Tommy, and I tried to get rid of all where my problems seem to come from. I will look you in the eyes and tell you I don't regret it. I don't regret shit.”

And just like that, you had her response. Maybe she was like this when you first saw her and you were just blinded by love, but at that moment, you knew that the girl you loved was gone. Any aspect of her before the pain had disappeared. And so that was it. You two stood there for about a couple more minutes before you broke the moment and went for the door. She looked down again, now letting the tears fall, yet still not making a sound. You went to open the door before speaking.

“Goodbye Niki.”

“Goodbye, My love”

You closed the door behind you, sucking a deep breath before making your way home. You had just walked out on the love of your life. The girl you would hug and cuddle. The girl who would sit by you on a nearby beach and would mumble sweet things into your hair before you both fell asleep, waking to each other in the morning. But she said it herself, she didn't have any regrets. And as you stood there in the deep night, you wished you could say the same.

#a fic! #dsmp fanfic #c!niki #niki x reader #gender neutral #c!niki x reader #nihachu x reader #dsmp #dsmp x reader #angst

[ooo-babyboi]

Kenma x G/N!Reader Oneshot: Ground Cake

a/n: dang, i really said ‘falling off the face of the earth ✌🏼 bai boo’

take this kenma fic i wrote in two hours as an apology :))

also can you tell i gave up on making titles

FIC ENTAILS: stress from school work, ghosting, online friends with kenma :>, minecraft being everyones coping mechanism, picnic date <3, lack of sleeps, idk what to say pls

one in the morning, that’s when you had felt most productive, unfortunately. the moon casted a misty glow through your blinds as you sat at your desk, computer on. 

the assignments were always piling on each other, as if they were a globish monster ready to consume you. while you really did try to finish them, it was just getting to be too much. you prayed that there was an escape-

ding

watery eyes (from the blue light or overwhelming stress, who knows) gazed towards the top of your screen, in search for the notification.

applepi: >:( i know ur awake, ur sleep schedule is as shit as mine

u havent been on in a while, u okay?

you clicked over to discord, opening the message fully. you really hadn’t been on in a couple days. or maybe it was a week or two, who knows.

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ: haha

im fine, dw :))

applepi: you use :)) when ur upset :/

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ: ffs y can u read me like an open book

applepi: only thing im good at 😎

rlly tho, whats up?

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ: idk, everything feels like garbage

a dumpster on fire

applepi: that sounds

✨shitty✨

minecraft = coping mechanism

wanna play?

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ: lol sure

a ring came from your computer, alerting you that he was voice calling you. you cleared your throat quickly before picking up, letting out a little hello.

“go on our usual server, ‘kay? i updated the base,” applepi murmured.

you hummed in agreement, “what did you do?”

the line was silent as you entered the world, only caves and dungeons visible till the land loaded.

“apple? what did you do to the base?” you asked again.

“oh sorry, i spaced out. you can call me ken, by the way. uh, i added an extra room, come look.”

your characters ran together through the base to an unfamiliar hallway, which lead outside to a pathway to a dark oak forest.

“im scared, are you gonna kill me again? bombard me with skellies? have me trip over a wire and fall in lava?” you questioned, though still running behind him.

“no, that got old after, like, the third time,” ken chuckled.

“i’m still upset about that, i was farming endermen and i lost all those ‘pearls,” you scoffed, although he could tell you were messing around.

“m’kay, farmer n/n, look.”

in an opening in the forest, red and white carpets were placed down with lanterns on the trees. you could feel the grin ken wore while his character crouched several times.

“wait, that’s not it,” he broke a carpet and placed a cake down, “bam, there we go. you like it?”

it was silent for a moment, then you let out a loud laugh. tears pricked in your eyes as you hunched over, the biggest smile on your face.

“i hope those are good laughs, it didn’t take me very long, but i just thought it might make you feel better,” ken huffed.

“very good laughs, ken. thank you, it’s very nice,” you wiped your eyes clear of tears.

“good, now come eat this cake with me before i eat the whole thing myself.”

“yum, ground cake, sounds very appetizing,” you teased.

“just get over here, you sap.”

you both had eaten the cake and sat in the picnic area for a while, talking about anything and everything. after some time, the both of you moved on to exploring, as well as mining in some of the caves you saw earlier.

before you knew it, an orange haze beamed through your window. stretching, you popped a few bones, “morning already?”

“what? no.”

“real life, ken, look out the window,” you snickered.

“oh, i guess it is- oh god.”

“wha-”

the mic didn’t pick it up very well, but you could hear a brief yell from ken’s side, along with, “suck my ass, kuro! i’m playing minecraft!”

“pftt-” 

laughing ensued between you too, then it fell silent. Although, it was quite comfortable with a few giggles here and there.

“someday, if your not a 35 year old man, maybe we’ll meet in person and have a real picnic,” ken mused.

“thankfully i’m not a 35 year old man.” (if you are 👀 leave)

“hmmm, that sounds like something a 35 year old man would say-”

“oh shut up,” you interjected, smiling.

you agreed when ken asked if you would be on later, snorting when you said ‘just for you’. with that, you both logged off, putting your status to ‘invisible’.

sitting in your chair, you thought about what an actual picnic with ken would be like. then you drifted on thinking about what ken would be like. little did you know kenma was thinking about it too, well, till kuroo started yelling at him again. 

#kenma #kenma kozume #kenma x gn!reader #kenma x reader #kenma x m!reader #kenma x male reader #kenma x f!reader #kenma x female reader #nekoma #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #kai can write :0 #we was struggling with lining up the discord messages #haikyuu x male reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #haikyuu x female reader #haikyuu x male #haikyuu x female #haikyuu x gn!reader #haikyuu x m!reader

[dyketectivecomics]

Okay, with KnightsEnd and the second huntress mini under my belt, let's recap on 90s Gotham so far! (also absolutely FLOORED that i'm already up to '94 at this point ;-; the 90s are flyin by)

Jean-Paul

I know i mentioned it rlly briefly, but it really rubbed me the wrong way how Jean-Paul clearly having DID was being... handled not well in terms of the narrative. There was KIND of a last minute turnaround with the last issue for the KnightsEnd arc (that i guess was supposed to absolve Jean in Bruce/the narrative's eyes? Kind of?) it just... left me feeling very hollow ig

again, mostly I stuck to Knightfall and KnightsEnd, not a whole lot of Bat!Jean in btwn except for the ones that already crossed over with some of the other characters. I dont think I'll be revisiting this period of time for Jean and I've heard it gets better for him in his upcoming solo. i was rlly endeared to his character earlier on, so im holding out hope that this was.... just an odd phase for DC editorial (which seems to be mostly the case from what I've gathered)

Renee & Steph

just stepping in very briefly here to say that Renee is getting pretty regular page time right alongside Bullock. after knightfall its made especially clear and that she's def on Team Batman™, so thats a fun seed to see planted

steph had a very very short team-up again with tim, still spurred by her dad breaking out of prison briefly. dixon is def planting those timsteph seeds and im not super thrilled by how he's choosing to go about it. but i did know that this was going to happen in advance so

clearly i am boo boo the fool *clown emoji*

Helena

uhh, she cameo'd rlly briefly in knightfall! which was cool to see!

team-up with Black Canary was nice to see, but the plot was *screams internally* (yikes). general content warning for a blatantly racist portrayal of arabian people/culture. (considering this was post-desert storm tho, i cant even say that im surprised. just tired and disappointed)

the Huntress mini was a pretty quick read, and i did kind of vibe with the art. it was mostly lineless, had a lot of style, and the shading/shadows for a lot of the scenes were really dynamic and added quite a bit to the overall tone. a nitpick that i have for it tho, is that its pretty clear that dixon didnt do his homework bc the man from helena's past who assaulted her was killed by the same man who helped train her initially. it was major point in the first solo like fjdakl;fld

otherwise, it also... feels pretty obvious to me that dixon isnt comfortable with writing for the character. her emotional state feels a little all over the place/turns on a dime, and i'll give him a LITTLE benefit of the doubt that maybe it could be the limited time that he had for the run... but something about this just... didn't quite feel like Helena to me. idk, isn't gonna be one that i see myself ever revisiting

Tim

Starting off Tim's Robin run right in the middle of the fallout of Knightfall was... an interesting choice. but one that i wont begrudge them too much.

finishing up to issue 9, tho, it feels like a pretty solid start for an on-going. Tim's voice is certainly starting to come clearer & what I def think is helping with that is having one writer mostly focused on him now.

whether or not he'll grow on me tho, remains to be seen, but I can still see why others latch onto him. he's very much still finding his footing with Bruce & with the Robin role. and ultimately, he's wish-fulfillment for the 90s comic nerd teen at this point in his character. he's trying to have it all, being the hero and getting the girl, and so far he's def falling behind in one of those regards (it seems pretty definitive that he and Ariana broke up oof), and scraping by in the other (but after the month/year he's had, i can hardly blame him on that front)

it'll be interesting to see where Tim & Jean's relationship goes now that Jean will be going back to Azrael, and while im sure there will be plenty more bumps in my reading to come, it's nice to have a slightly clearer path now that so many solos will be comprising the majority of my reading

#randy reads #90s gotham #there's like no kids here this morning fjdkals; so have my Catch-Up Thots on the readings so far

[pettrichore]

dunno if i’ll be able to finish this. but so like dabihawks au where like. dabi does his research aka when he was touya he was with his dad once during the whole takami thief thing and met keigo. flash forward he doesnt believe a thing about this hero hawks. sees him for the fabricated person he has become. and eventually hawks sees dabi for who he really is and was and like vigilante-ish dabihawks. bits about the au and the snippet i wrote under the cut.

cause this shit gets LONG af

hawks feels fake. doesnt rlly know who he has even become

the commission kinda forced a lotta habits out of him and completely molded him into who they want him to be

he barely even finds his name to be anything more than a stranger’s name at this point. 

anyway so dabi p much knows who he is. does his own digging. and kinda puts some pieces together and sees how fake hawks is

hawks barely even knows if he shows any genuine emotions at this point. he’s kinda at a breaking point where he cant recognize himself and separate keigo from hawks. feeling like hawks has just swallowed him whole

he does show genuine things though. sometimes says or does shit out of line but he tends to have obedience beat into him even if he sometimes has a bit of a mouth on him. it’s mild tho

at the start of dabi working w hawks, hawks was very careful

it kinda progressed into keigo coming out more around dabi even though it was in bits and pieces

anyway dabi puts two and two together and realizes him and hawks are pretty similar and instead of seeing him as a traitor (though he’s sure that he’s not 100% on their side) he sees him as someone who can fit in with the misfits and he can p much fully convince hawks to ditch the bs

so the confrontation happens (see ending snippet) and hawks is like wtf just happened

and p much eventually there’s some tender moments between dabi and hawks and hawks ends up explaining how used he’s felt

he has been molded into the perfect obedient soldier; maybe sorta kinda explains that the commission is having him do double agent duties and instead of reacting badly dabi is p receptive and doesnt just try to kill him. instead he can see how badly hawks wants to break out of his cage and fly free and he deeply feels for that and knows how that can feel and is like aight well fuck them

so hawks kinda double agents on the commission?? 

and he does end up meeting the LoV and like sees how human they are

but also he’s like damn son but okay i dont agree w everything

and dabi is like yeahhh same ??? idk they are a means to an ends for me but also not lmao 

and then there’s some dabi spilling his guts as they get closer and get more intimate and very much boyfriends

and hawks is so livid and he cant help but fuck around with endeavor the next time he sees him. and like he’s just so much more distant to him. he can’t begin to wrap his head around it. and he’s so broken that like.. the one person that he saw as his true hero. that “saved him” is a horrible person behind closed doors

the one person who he was inspired by and agreed to join the commission’s forces for is just horrible

there’s just a lotta solidarity between hawks and dabi and a lotta shared anger and hurt

and they’re boyfriends and it’s great but also like hawks isn’t a horrible person

neither is dabi ??? i mean listen they’ve both killed ppl. they probs will continue to kinda do it. but it’s always just horrible ppl

like listen killing ?? not great folks??? but also like idk man.. 

they also def leave kids outta this 10000% 

anyway p much they end up ditching the LoV too. try to get some of them outta that shit. like toga who has become like a sorta lil sister for dabi in a way

they both just feel so horrible and gross seeing kids get into that shit

also like the girl needs some HELP. some therapy and rehabilitation idk

idk i love the morality shit with the LoV but might not play with it too much here

anyway they end up doing their own thing and the commission is quick to denounce him and just ruin his image

and try to kill him lmao they made him a perfect hero which could be a perfect villain and if he isn’t working for them he’s working against them (i mean he is) and needs to be Stopped Permanently

anyway here’s the snippet. my single brain cell that helped write this has left my body:

At this point, Hawks wasn’t so sure he was even real. His existence felt fabricated. Each smile or joke carefully placed. Each movement was calculated. He didn’t act out of line. His interviews were carefully thought out months in advance if not lies that he himself began to believe after years of telling them. His penthouse had just enough “personal” touches that when he had a spare moment to invite someone over it actually seemed like it could be a home. Hawks’ original motivations were squashed and were pushed aside unless they created an interesting story. His natural mannerisms that came with his mutation quirk were learned to be suppressed. Hell his own name sounded like a stranger’s to his ears. That is if anyone even knew it. 

“Is there anything real about you, hero,” Dabi spoke. His back wasn’t fully to Hawks, left side presented to him as he set a framed graduation photo down and fully faced the winged hero. Dabi stuffed his hands in his pockets and tilted his head to the side some, waiting for an answer. Hawks snorted and gave him an unamused look.

“I’m as real as they get, hot stuff.” He kept a casual air about his words, hands spreading out in surrender. “Not sure what else you expect.”

Hawks was on edge, but he wouldn’t let the villain know it. They were supposed to be meeting soon, but once again the villain pulled something unexpected and had been waiting for Hawks in his own apartment. Hawks’ feathers twitched slightly, sharpened edges ready for the command if it came. Dabi leveled him with an unimpressed stare. There was a moment where their gazes met in an intense battle, though Dabi’s look softened as he broke out in a lazy grin.

“Y’know... You might be just as much of a mystery as I am, Pretty Bird.”

“I think I’m a pretty open book myself.”

“I think you like to let people think that.”

“And I think you’re just trying to fuck with me. Can we just get to what you came here for? I had a looong day and kinda wanna get some food and some sleep.” Hawks punctuated his words by stretching his arms up high before shedding off his coat, goggles, and headphones. He tossed the coat over the back of his couch and dropped the gear onto the end table. He hoped Dabi would just drop this whole line of thought, take this as some sort of submission, and be satisfied enough to leave. 

Wrong.

“Oh, we can get to that later… You, on the other hand, are much more interesting.” He moved closer, hands coming out of his pockets as he crossed the room to stand a few feet from Hawks. 

“I’d love to be a great host and entertain you, but unfortunately I wasn’t expecting any guests today.” Hawks crossed his arms and watched Dabi carefully, eyes narrowing some in challenge. 

“That’s too bad. You know, I’ve been doing some research on you. I don’t quite think you are who you say you are, Hawks.” The winged-hero tensed just ever so slightly before forcing his muscles to relax some. He didn’t like the way things were going. While Dabi’s fire was his ultimate weakness, he’s sure that he’s fast enough to put a sharpened feather to his throat and end this all here and now than Dabi would be if he wanted to put the spy to an end.

“And who do you think I am then, Dabi?” He raised an unruly eyebrow. His primaries ached to shoot out and end this, poised at the ready.

Dabi blinked slowly, bright turquoise eyes disappearing for a moment before shining under heavily lidded eyes. His grin stretched a bit wider, tugging on where healthy skin met the grafts. 

“I think you aren’t the hero you put out there… Or the person you say you are. You like to say a lotta nothin’ don’t you?” Dabi stepped closer and Hawks’ fingers twitched but his arms remained crossed.

“I think you like to pretend to be this airhead bird. Like to use that name. Like to look like you’re the perfect little hero... You’re good at it, too. You aren’t though, are you… Takami Keigo.” 

Hawks had a primary feather in each hand, on pressed to Dabi’s throat. It pressed in just enough to draw some blood from the marred skin grafts. He could feel the heat radiating from Dabi’s skin and particularly from the small flames in each of his palms, but the villain made no move to use it against him. He just continued to grin. 

“What’s the look of surprise there, Birdie?” Dabi purred. 

“How do you know that name?” He demanded, crowding further into Dabi’s space. 

“Like I said, I did my research. Now unless you want to end up on the crispy side of cooked, I’d ease the fuck up,” Dabi’s voice took on a slight bite towards the end and his grin lessened. “And here I was going to tell you that you can meet the boss finally. Thought you might be real League material.”

Hawks instincts and mind screamed to press the sharp feather further or at least hold his position, demand answers. His judgment told him to ease off and soften the feathers once more. Hawks didn’t move too far from Dabi, though the primary feathers in his hands softened and returned to his wings. The heat radiating off Dabi died down along with the flames in his hands. Steam left his skin as he killed the flames. 

“Much better… We don’t want any incidents like that when you get to meet the boss, right? You’re lucky I’m a lot more patient.” Hawks wasn’t sure what this was all about but didn’t argue with him on that point.

“Glad to see your fake little hero persona is starting to crack.”

#long post #dabihawks #dabi #hawks #todoroki touya #takami keigo #dabi is a todoroki #dabi is touya #my writing #speaks #bnha au #bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 10

double digits baybe

its roller! he....sexy

well that whole registration deal sure doesn't seem like its a ploy to identify the main forces of the decepticon revolution or anything! 

chromedome using rungs model ships to tell his story...omg

the ironic billboard hvbhjsdkfbjdjgfkl

prowl givin off those rancid bbc sherlock vibes lmao

hrk....prowl and cd have such an interesting and tragic relationship...aughhhh

RED ALERT!!! I forgot he was in the flashback bc his present self is busy being...headless....

OHH SHIT so they uncover the decepticon symbol on the wall using ultraviolet light, and we also get shown the back of red alert’s head, with some mnemosurgery marks...which can only be seen under ultraviolet light. CLEVER

I literally only noticed that this time lmao I don't think I picked up on it even on my 2nd readthru....poor red alert geez, no wonder he’s so untrusting 

poor cyclonus, he literally had nothing to do w/this, meanwhile rodimus is blaming him when the Real reason this happened to red alert is all the overlord business, which we know rodimus’s role in....(well, later)

god I love this entire interaction between cyclonus and drift, I'm so glad we got it. bc like, cyclonus is basically everything drift is trying so hard to be - cool stoic religious sword guy who used to be a bad guy, except cyclonus is still firmly not an autobot, while drift is hardcore leaning into being an autobot in an attempt to get people to forget that whole ‘murderous decepticon’ thing

and drift seems like the type of guy who cares The Most about how he’s perceived by the people around him, but he tries to act like he doesn't care, even tho its pretty obvious he does. cyclonus, meanwhile, ACTUALLY doesn't care about what people think of him, and that probably irritates drift, along w/everything else cyclonus has going on 

cyclonus is so iconic...he just smacks the sword out of drifts hand like ‘yeah we’re not doing this.’ 

aaand then he just pins drift down effortlessly...I feel kinda bad for drift cause he’s trying so hard but also, cyclonus is such an icon

also I love the way milne draws cyclonus. sexy skull guy....

godddd cyclonus’s little speech is so fucking cool...cyclonus is seriously just so cool and epic js

oooh and first aid has that medic droid that was spying on red alert...

prowls never been in a fight oof I forgot abt that

aaand there's orion pax supercop lmao

tailgate being so wow’d by pax’s coolness is adorable 

op sure loves the violence huh bvfjhsdfgbdjhkf

I feel like all of shadowplay just goes to show that sometimes you CANT change the structure of a system from the inside - which is, iirc, what op is trying to do, and the reason he’s still a cop under the senate even though he doesn’t agree with them - but like, sometimes you just gotta burn that shit to the ground and start over, and op clearly doesn't realize that....

oh the irony of prowl saying ‘I hope I never end up as jaded and cynical as you’ to op

oof,, whirl is right...its clear prowl and cd care abt each other a lot, in their own weird awkward way...oof ouch

also poor whirl, jesus, literally everyone seems to blame him for turning megatron violent as if that's all on whirl and not 1) meagtron’s own actions and decisions, and 2) just another example of how fucked up the system was, taking in account whirls whole backstory about how he was forced into being a dirty cop and told to kill megatron but ended up just beating him up....like, if it wasn't whirl it would've been someone else beating up megs, and the shift to violence seemed inevitable given the state of society, whirl’s assault of megs just happened to be the straw that broke the pacifist’s back 

geeez and the fact that whirl saved his 1 phone call to warn pax that the senator was in danger, despite the fact that whirl was also being beat to hell by other prisoners and apparently being denied medical treatment...yikes. also the fact that pax just leaves whirl there (iirc?) after whirl gave them invaluble information

ah, the driving power of wanting revenge. also god I'm sad abt whirl :( when he says he just wants his hands back...fucking ouch

oooh its skids! baby skids!! and a certain somebody next to him....

I love seeing cd and prowl talk about what they think is coming, right before yknow, a 4 million yr long civil war. feels like how talking about 2020 in january/febuary turned out lmao 

they keep saying clampdown and it reminds me too much of quarantine, which I've been stuck in for weeks now bc I have covid, and oh my god who knew sitting inside with nothing to do for like 3 weeks was so boring. jesus. at least in early 2020 quarantine it was warm enough to go outside, mostly...whatever, I'm doing this liveblog to entertain myself while I waste away inside and mtmte slaps so at least this is a good time

anyways, back on track. cd and prowl have their big tragic romance thing going on, and rewind is not into it, understandably

OH SHIT ITS TREPAN i forgot he was in this

also his name is kinda hilarious to me bc ‘trepan’ refers to ‘trepanation,’ which was the old-timey “””””medical””””” act of drilling holes in your skull to like, idk, let out the ghosts or something, you know how medicine was back then, you kinda just made shit up as you went along. anyways, that's a hilariously on-the-nose name for this dude, and makes anyone who recognizes his name go ‘oh hey you’re sketchy as hell,’ a full 3 seconds before trepan acts sketchy as hell in-story to let anyone who doesn't know about obscure historical alternative medicine in on it 

YOU WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING, WERE YOU

lmao this dude rlly tried to act like he had ‘cleanse and control’ tatted bc he was an janitor....bruh

oh hey look its pious maximus, that guy who disappeared months ago after saying some stuff the senate didn't like! well, he certainly doesn't look like he’s having a good time

I'm fascinated by the fact that cd saw this whole state-run brainwashing clinic thing and ended up joining up later

also the fact that prowl saw All That and was like ‘idek if the law is being broken rn tbh’ liiiiike, dude, if the law isn't being broken when there's state-sponsored mass brainwashing going on, don't you think that's a pretty good indicator that the laws in place are pretty bad???? maybe????

ngl the first time I read this I was already pretty confused, and the senator changing his looks off-page Really did not help 

ooh its all comin together...this shit is JUICY 

‘we have to steal the matrix’ I FUCKGIN LOVE IT LMAO NATIONAL TREASURE LOOKIN

so the plot has thickened, like, a lot. and now we’re doin a HEIST! nice

#lj rereads mtmte

[sanguinarius-archive]

Hey! Could I get to know some of your headcanons about dickfigures/your designs for them? :D

ya ya sure!!!!

i already have my designs for them up if you havent seen, here they are!

as for headcanons idk how long this post will be so ill just add a read more for anyone who might not wanna scroll thru it all lol

red!!!!!

his real name is rowan bc i thought it was cute, also it means “little red one” which is eVEN BETTER

he’s nonbinary masc and bisexual! the self projection is REAL

he has adhd

most of my headcanons kinda flow into my own version of dick figures because i’m not very Satisfied with canon NJSJDNSKM so like. for example red doesn’t just kill people or whatever. he gets into fights and has scars and wears bandaids a lot bc of them

he graduated college with blue, he got a bachelor’s degree in fine arts (honestly idk how college works bc im a grade 10 baby so if thats like totally wrong just let me know also im. canadian so idk how american school system works LOL)

red got suspended a lot in high school but never expelled. mostly bc he got in fights that were mainly him protecting stacey from shitty people (he sees her as his sister so he was rlly protective) and the school wasnt really sure what else to do so they just. you know. suspended him a bunch of times hoping itd do something but it didnt

he hates his dad! reason being is bc when he was born, his dad was actually an alien able to disguise himself as human, so he wanted to take red back to his home planet cuz red turned out to be more powerful than anything his dad had ever seen. but red’s mom was like Nope, so she snuck out with him and his plush cat (kitty amazing) and they were never found. red is very close with his mom and is scared of his dad coming back someday

we know he canonically likes rlly loud music so im just gonna project here and say he’s a metalhead. at least, some form of it. he likes the alt scene music and industrial rock. examples being deftones, nine inch nails, skinny puppy, rage against the machine, kittie and others. it keeps him focused and calm

bLUE!!!

we know blue was bullied as a kid but i dont wanna say red also bullied him bc i feel like thats just wrong to me? MAYBE ITS NOT ACTUALLY but it just makes me sad so like. lets say red, being as protective as he is, stood up for blue a lot cuz he was like “oh this kid cant fight” so he knew what to do

blue dated pink for awhile but they mutually agreed to break up after blue realized this wasnt what he wanted (he came to the conclusion that he was gay, well, he knew for awhile but it was Internalized Homophobia)

he grew up in a very conservative family so to see the world completely differently by meeting red, ems (lt), pink and stacey was a very good thing for him. unfortunately even tho his family did love him, it was conditional so they stopped talking to him after he came out. thankfully he’d already graduated high school by that point

despite being emotional blue isn’t very good at understanding how he’s an emotional person. he’s able to distinct one feeling from another and analyze them, but it’s just... hard for him to kind of. process WHY he feels a certain way? which is what’s led to a lot of his struggles in getting closer with ppl

he loooves reading and writing we already know this but i mean come on. he also got a bachelor’s degree in english/ela. so he’s able to become a teacher ig but he doesn’t really want to? at least not for awhile yet

blue was ems’ first friend. at first he couldn’t understand why they had tics but decided he shouldn’t get into someone else’s business. he didn’t find it weird, just cool!

he and red would always pair up for projects if they had classes together!!!!!! blue would do the writing/research and red would do the illustrations. they always turned out really good even if it ended with red cramming it at the last minute

surprisingly hates broseph more than red. well i mean its not surprising, because broseph was always a huge DICK to him

blue’s real name is wyatt!!!!! i forget the meaning but i felt the sound of it and the meaning fit him well

piiiiink!!!!!!!!!!

she’s still in college, getting her doctorate to be an astrophysicist!

pink is very very smart and will help anyone who’s struggling with something in school. she was basically the genius who always got in the honor roll every year. but, she actually was really anxious especially with exams

pink encourages stacey to go back to school, and sometimes stacey does, but she always ends up leaving again. it’s a little stressful but pink has hope for her

she’s never drank one sip of alcohol in her entire life. she smoked weed once, but it felt weird so she didn’t do it again

ever since she and blue broke up she’s been very supportive of him bc she herself is bisexual!!! so she sees nothing weird about it. in fact, about almost a year later she started dating stacey

pink’s real name is lily. when she became friends with blue she met red through him and she was like “can i join your nickname thing” and they said “sure” so they called her pink. stacey sometimes calls her pinky or just pink but mostly lily

pink helped red with academics. even tho he was sometimes insufferable to work with (/j thats a Joke i promise she’s a very patient person) she didn’t give up on him!!!! in return he helped her out with some fitness stuff cuz pink was always insecure about gym, and later when she graduated she actually got into exercising bc of red!

she loves travelling and going for walks. she owns a lot of houseplants and she’s given them all names and takes very good care of them! she also owns an albino ball python named Velvet

STACEYYY!!!!!!!

stacey is nOT actually all about sex this time ok. i don’t like that. i mean she did have some personality in canon but it wasn’t much? anyways she just really likes to express herself thru tight/”risque” clothing like fishnets and leather and pleated skirts and thigh-highs and platform boots, all of that. basically she’s a goth girl but doesn’t really “act” like one

she’s really intelligent when it comes to animals and insects and will tell you anything you need to know. when she goes back to college she gets a degree in environmental science

stacey can play the electric and bass guitars!!!! she was in a band back in high school but it never really went anywhere beyond performances at parties in someone’s garage. not that she didn’t like it, looking back on it makes her feel happy, but she wished it continued. probably why she has a hard time going back to college bc she’s not sure what she really wants

stacey is a trans woman btw!!!!! unfortunately it was a little difficult in high school to be who she was bc some kids were jerks, but there were a lot of others who supported her which is good

she views red as her brother as well and they still hang out a lot

i haven’t really had time to focus on stacey and make headcanons and stuff for her so i don’t have a lot but... let’s say, secretly, she’s a scifi nerd. and for the sake of debate, let’s say she’s a marvel fan. if you count being a fan of deadpool as being a fan of marvel

LOVES GIRLS.... loves pink!!!

has very similar music taste to red’s!!!!!

emssss!!!!!!! (lt)

instead of being a stereotype of ppl with tourette’s syndrome, it’s just a normal thing that isn’t focused on a whole lot. it doesn’t make ems swear but if they get really really frustrated they’ll curse while doing one of their tics

ems is agender, i’d say they’re also ageless but i don’t really want to make them too “nonhuman” because i feel like that’s dehumanizing to people with tourette’s. so let’s just say most laws of existence don’t apply to them

they’re very friendly!

they’re an aspiring musician, just like in canon

ems is also big into horror movies believe it or not. they’re pretty critical of them though like most horror movie fans, and only like specific ones (i’m not a horror movie fan myself so i can’t say what Specific Ones they like ajsdhbjn just imagine they have good taste okay)

they r very artsy too and like doing crafts cause it gives them something to focus on. it’s just a hobby though it’s not something they’re Professional at

they love nature and flowers and trees and all kinds of plants and animals!!! they like to document what they see when they travel thru nature and stuff so they bring a camera with them (and their phone, but, you know whatever)

ems was never really affected by things people said to them regarding their syndrome. to them it was something they were born with, so they couldn’t bother to feel bad about themselves. in certain situations theyre able to control it but 90% of the time they don’t care about what ppl think

aaaand there u go!!! as for minor characters like raccoon, jason/trollz0r, broseph, dingleberry, they all exist (raccoon isnt a racist stereotype tho), i just dont focus on them a whole lot. most of my hcs for stacey and ems here were thought up on the spot since i havent had time to lay out all my ideas for them but i hope what i have here is good !!!!

also, red and blue ARE dating, and pink and stacey ARE ALSO dating. gay rights

#asks #dick figures #Anonymous

[cocona]

anyway im back here again cos apparently idk what a diary is nor what a private acc is n i dnt want a character limit to say whats on my chest so.

i feel guilty for trying to take my life bcos dealing with the aftermath is a hassle n now my parents have to pay disgusting amounts of money bcos i decided to get shitfaced w porto n xanax at 8am before class n fainted on the bus n almost smashed my skull here n there. n bcos im gross like that the dizziness made me feel so good it was enjoyable to sit on the floor waiting for an ambulance. when they asked me what had happened to me, i was so dazed i started crying n then said i had taken a lot of pills ! which i had. but i didnt mention the alcohol cos i hadnt taken enough for it to be noticeable. barely three gulps. im not even a heavy drinker or whatever n at that point i rlly just wanted to faint or die or sth in between n i didnt achieve any of those. i just rlly . existed n floated until i got admitted in the hospital n put on these robes and started crying a lot cos it all fell on my head. i’d be living monitored. i’d be living. and also, now my parents had to deal with me going to the hospital for the second time in less than a week cos i cant keep my hands off prescription pills. the therapists there kept saying i was banalising it too much n that trying to kill yourself isnt light. but ik that and it’s not because they tell me that i’ll feel any less numb. idc ! hm . idk why im writing this. because im idealising abt passing away again and i feel the need to say it somewhere. the semester is starting in three weeks and id like to be positive about it n hope for the best n start living like a normal college student but already i feel waves of heat all over n my palms are sweating n im starting to feel what i see and see what i feel. it’s so bad . weird ass symptoms i cant explain but that are due to anxiety n dissociation n their weird crossovers. it’s seven in the morning and i havent slept all day. i could easily stay awake until i complete a 24h shift and then clock out for five days. the only reason why i dont try anything dangerous is because i dont want my parents to feel like i cant be trusted just bcos i have wild tendencies. lately ive been afraid of becoming addicted to things because i keep watching things abt them. id never smoke to the point where id be a stoner and id never become an mdma addict but it seems that any form of escape would soothe me greatly. i take engagements that lead nowhere. the director of uni said that he felt like i wasnt there seriously. i am not indeed. i am but a soul trying to leave bcos it’s too much. im tired as hell and i dnt even want to wait for a walk in to take over, i just want to end it all. but at the same time i accepted to go back this semester so my parents wouldnt worry, so i wouldnt be bored, and so tht if i was supposed to meet my soulmate @ uni i dnt miss them. these are laughable reasons but theyre reasons nonetheless. everyone has their ways of coping and finding motivation i suppose. i feel embarrassed to write things for everyone to see but i think only i will be reading this later. listening to sad songs does help to get in a certain headspace. i dont want to sleep because then i wont have these songs. im scared of losing everything else but what i want to lose. i wish i had a valid reason to take time off without having to pay back my scholarship and without feeling like im wasting the resources of medical institutions and professionals. bcos what is there about me. what even is wrong with me. why do i feel so bad ! why do i feel so bad, nothing has ever happened to me and yet i feel stressed and sad n like trash and i want to die but also i have massive ego boosts n im embarrassed n blush a lot . why am i like this. these days ive been asking myself if it’s normal to be still single when ure a wlw n ure 17 but i suppose that since we’re repressed it’s normal. i suppose that since the first girls i ever kissed were my sister then my best friend it’s normal id feel gross about my sexuality. i suppose that after men liberally rubbing their hands on my thighs n boys making fun of my misshaped body through all of my school years it’s only normal that id hate my body. disgust is a common theme, alongside disease and vomiting. things like that. i wish i had a clear image of my duty and role here. all i feel is pain. what am i even here for. i feel like i broke so many rules and that in a sense i cant be saved anyway. i just want to feel loved and useful and like i fit in for once. im tired of saying i like being alone because im too anxious to open up and too timid and used to being talked to first that idk when to stop talking and when i reveal information abt me thats not normal to be revealed in regular human interactions. i want to keep living so that there will be a book with my name with hundreds of unsent letters. perhaps ppl will relate to this later as well. heartache is normal. but why dont i get any precise diagnosis and why am i still doing so bad even after all this time... im tired of being angry and embarrassed and sad and aggressive and disgusted n feeling worthless and useless... give me a purpose.... or give me the tools to leave calmly and quietly... with no loud movements !

#general tw ig #dnt rb #uhm tw suicide anxiety depression hospitals medication drugs alcohol school assault #ig #idk i forgot how to tag tws

[fuckedurbias]

ghostin’ - bang chan

requested? no

genre: angst (if u can even call it that), short scenario/drabble

warnings: JUST RLLY FUCKIN SA D 

A/N: this drabble?? scenario?? i’m not sure what it is, but it is inspired by the song ghostin’ by ariana grande. it rlly gets me in my feels which i very VERY clearly was when writing this. i was going tf thru it. i was gonna make this not w any specific idol but idk when i was in the process Chris just came into it as I see him in this, not sure why but it made me even more sad :(

i also suggest listening to the song it’s inspired by whilst reading, since the italics sentences are lyrics from the song;; ♡

(or not, if you don’t want to cry) 

I know you hear me when I cry, I try to hold it in the night

He had fallen asleep hours ago, or so you thought. Quietly crying to yourself, managing to choke back your sobs to just quiet breaths as tears streamed down your face. You had managed to go a few nights now without crying yourself to sleep which was a record for you. You felt so bad for breaking it but the more you held it in, the harder it got to deal with.

You felt him turn over next to you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close. That’s when you finally let a sob free from your throat, hating the pain and tension choking them back caused.

“It’s okay” He whispers, rubbing his thumbs on your sides.

If you were anybody else, probably wouldn’t last a day

“It’s okay” He whispers, rubbing his thumbs on your sides.

Even though this happened almost every night, he never got tired of comforting you; and that made you hurt more. Nobody else in your life is being as understanding as he is right now. How he had not managed to get sick of this yet, not get entirely emotionally drained from it yet, you have no idea. All of your other friends would listen to you but, it was never genuine and always the same thing; same meaningless over and over.

I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again, over him

You felt so bad putting him through this, you know how he feels and yet he was so okay with being here for you. It was so unfair, but no matter how much you tried to push him away so he wouldn’t be hurt he was not budging. Part of the reason you felt so bad was because you were just in his situation, hurt by someone you cared about so deeply and you knew him seeing you be so devastated and heartbroken by this person was causing him just as much pain.

You’ve been so understanding you’ve been so good

He has never judged you for being so hurt over something that some people may think is so pointless and that you’re just being dramatic, but not Chan, no. He is so understanding and understands how much this person meant to you and the way they hurt you and just left you so suddenly and harshly killed you inside; and still is.

I’m putting you through more than one ever should

You don’t know how much longer this will last, how much longer you can last going through this same thing every night, when it will end. You do know however, that as long as you have him; Chan, by your side that maybe you will be okay. He doesn’t even need to do much to help you feel less alone and to help you actually get some sleep. You know you are causing him pain and hell you’re even making him lose sleep but never one has he complained.

I’m hating myself ‘cause you don’t want to admit that it hurts you

He never complains even though it does hurt, it hurts so fucking bad. He wishes so bad he could just take away your pain, he’d take it away from you and deal with it himself if it meant you could finally feel okay. If it meant you could be happy. He wishes so bad that he could knock some fucking sense into the person who did this to you, because he would give anything for you to look at him the same way you looked at them, to feel so deeply for him the same way you still feel for this person. And you know this. And that’s why whenever he wraps his arms around you and comforts you during the night that you cry even harder because you know it’s unfair, that you don’t deserve him yet no matter what you do he stays.

And after all that we’ve been through, there’s so much to look forward to

Maybe when you do get through this, you will both be okay and there is a future for both of you together. Chan was there before you even met this person and he’s always been your closest friend, he’s seen you go through everything. He saw you fall so deeply for this person and he knew that they were wrong for you, he did warn you in a sugar-coated way but you didn’t listen. Seeing how happy you were broke him but he didn’t show it. Seeing how broke you are now shatters him into pieces, and he’s still not showing it.

What was done and what was said leave it all here in this bed with you

Whenever this happens, you never talk about it in the morning. At first you would but, after the next few times it just stopped. You pretend to be okay, he pretends to be okay. You two have talked about why you cry before but, the conversations quickly died out. He doesn’t even say much when you cry anymore either, but you like it that way. You don’t want fake sympathy and meaningless words. His actions and words that may seem minimal, barely even there to others, mean the world to you and feel so big, so comforting.

Even though this road seems endless, with Chan by your side you’re sure it will end soon.

Baby you do it so well

He does. He really does.

#stray kids scenarios #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst #bang chan #stray kids #bang chan scenarios #bang chan angst #hwang hyunjin #kim woojin #kim seungmin #han jisung #in #yang jeongin #han #felix #lee felix #woojin #hyunjin #seungmin #chan #lee minho #lee know #minho #seo changbin #changbin #stray kids imagines #kpop #kpop scenarios #skz

[neverlandparker]

WARNING:

Spider-Man Far From Home (FFH) SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

you have been properly warned

again: SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT!!

okkkkk anyone gonna like agree with me on this bc um peter FREAKING parker/ tom FREAKING Holland looks SO SO SO good in the movie to the point where you’re gonna give me a heart attack and also like swoon?? but when he puts on THOSE glasses yep the edith ones on though? like yep im officially deceased. uwu.

also moments that I rlly wanna scream to the world abt:

- tom is so so talented I love him with all my heart and i’m just so askjdnfkasjdkfj proud of him

-mysterio was like “im gonna kill him myself” and I was like:

uh no. no. don’t you dare touch my pretty boy. I swear if you lay a finger on him--

-peter getting hit with the train scene was absolutely heart shattering and brutal to watch I must admit. it was darker than expected. my heart just broke for the boy. like HOW COULD U?!?!?!?

-also when the scenes slowly started to dissolve in like that café/bar scene (where peter being the cutest *sighs* drinks lemonade with a STRAW) I was like no    no no  nononononono !!

-peter and mj are otp and rlly rlly cute and bad at flirting like A plus 110% bad flirting. tom and zendaya do a wonderful job for those scenes!

-the strip scene?? like what? I honestly didn’t really like it....it made me feel really uncomfortable but also like was it funny? and like they kind of did it to add more brad scenes--I felt like it was totally unnecessary and like use brad for other scenes like ooof? idk i’m not hating on it, but it was just extremely weird to watch that’s all. 

-also when peter gets stupidly overprotective of his girl (mj)!!!!

-peter and his thoughtfulness and kindness just !!!! and like freaking fact that mysterio took advantage of that um? hello? NO just NO

- the first end credits scene!!! - HAPPY AND PETER ON THE JET with the tony talk? I CRIED aaskjfbk

- ANDDDD ladies and gents! last but not least the “swan dive” KISSES holy cow I almost died. too cute. i’m v v glad they didn’t make it like a totally unrealistic makeout heated kissing scene ya know? instead it was an awkward I really like you first time kiss. and i’m living for it!! it was phenomenal!!

the entire spidey cast was absolutely amazing. i’m blown away. thank you for making this movie!! can’t see where it takes the mcu next and also tom holland im so proud of my baby like just wow he’s going places!!!

and that concludes my ted talk on Spider-Man ffh. hope y’all enjoyed hahaha. 

#ffh spoilers #spoilers #ffh #spider-man far from home #spider-man far from home spoilers

[justemotionalabusethings]

im always wondering if my ex was emotionally abusive. she’d hint at stuff and say “if you broke up with me i’d probably die lol” “i can’t live without you, literally, i’d probably kill myself if we broke up lol” and anytime i said “i wanna die” she went “same LOL” but anytime she said it i helped her work though her problems, she also doubted that i had delusions and hallucinations and then calling them stupid and stuff. written or it sounds like she was but like uhgvh i wonder if i was -🐟

the abusive one because i broke up with her w and was in love with my best friend. when we broke up she asked me if i broke up w her for another person which wasn’t true, i broke up because i was suicidal and goin through a lot and i felt like i couldn’t deal with a relationship. i told her i did like someone else but wasn’t going to pursue any relationships because the state of my mental health i couldn’t take it. i asked to stay friends and she said okay, but then ignored me and

cut contact with me, spreading some sort of rumor? or lies about me because numerous people stopped talking to me. idk what she said but i have way less friends now (which doesn’t matter bc im moving back to my home state and i get to be with my lovely supportive gf and best friend of 10 years (the one i had a crush on)) i feel like she want emotionally abusive even tho she basically threatened suicide if i broke up, called my mental illness dumb, called me stupid for wanting to

persue my art (which meant being in a different class than her), she also would send me triggering things like “i’m want to cut myself” and then after i talked her out of it she told me i was stupid for self harming, she also misgendered and dead named me (im ur gf, i thought it was different for me!!! uwu) she also just made me rlly uncomfy bc she swore in front of my parents which i could have gotten in trouble for, and finally she forced me to talk about my past trauma

and after forcing me to say my trauma she said “i don’t give a fuck because it’s all in your past and i can’t help you” and then went to day “i will know everything about you like i should” like she owned me, and it was really scary and she still scares me when i pass her in he hallways. i feel like she wasn’t baudive bc she’s a girl and i’m a girl and she was super kind and funny and sweet and loving at times________________________________

this sounds emotionally abusive to me. it doesn’t matter if she’s a girl and you’re a girl too, and it doesn’t matter that she was good sometimes. what matters is the bad times and how she handled those. 

#relationship abuse #emotional abuse #manipulation #gaslighting #suicide #self harm #abuse #q #anon #asks

[gguksgalaxy]

Engraved pt. 22

Masterpost <– Engraved 21 | Sheltered 4 -> | Engraved 23 –>

Short: You’re a tattoo artist for a gang known as EXO who own a club down town. (read synopsis at masterpost) Words: 3534 Notes for Update: 40 Warnings: Bombs, bondage (not the kinky type), threatening, manipualtion, dark hints, sedatives Pairings: D.O. x Reader, slight Chen X Reader A/N: Anothter super short and boring part, i'm rlly so sorry guys. But yeah idk this is happening...I hope you still enjoy it!

AFF link

Your pov

You stood there, unmoving, unbreathing, nothing came from you. It was like your body had completely frozen. He moved, stepping forward. You wanted to move away, to run, to bolt, but you couldn’t. There was no way, you were too afraid. His hand raised, and he reached out for your face. You squeezed your eyes shut, ready for the impact. It never came, instead came a graze, soft fingertips over your cheekbones. “My beautiful little fawn. How have you been?”

You opened your eyes, and he was close, too close. The smell of his cologne making nausea rise in your stomach, and you swallowed the bile. “Sweetheart you can speak, don’t be afraid, I’m not here to hurt you.” He said. “I’m…good.” “That makes me so happy.” He smiled, showing pearly white teeth. “Now, where is that boy of yours. Jongdae was his name?” Your fear spiked, and you gasped, suddenly moving backwards with a large step. Trying to run, too fast, uncoordinated, you collided with the corner of the table. You screamed in pain, toppling to the floor. Your hand came to cradle your hip, where the pain radiated now. The floor seemed to slip beneath your feet as you tried to get up. Nothing worked, everything was spinning and a sob broke past the barrier of your lips. Tears ran down your cheeks, as you cried. “Please.” His hand came around your arm, and you tried to move away from it, but you couldn’t. This fear was paralysing, all you could do was lay at his mercy. He pulled you up, grip bruising into your skin, imprinting it with his mark. Your breaths came in short puffs out of your nose. Somehow he set you on the table, wiping everything onto the floor to make room for you. He took your chin between his fingers, forcing you to look up at him. “Open your eyes.” He growled, voice suddenly menacing, sending shocks of fear down your spine with each syllable. “Do not, make me repeat myself.” You forced your eyes open, looking at him. His eyes, his dark and empty eyes, gazing into yours. “Now, tell me, does your little boy still take care of you?” He moved his lips down to your ear. “Does he still soothe your cries better than I could?” His voice was a rumble, so deep and dark another sob passed your lips at it. “Please.” You begged, for anything, everything, and nothing at all. “Answer me.” His hand fisted into your hair and pulled your head back, baring your throat to him. But you couldn’t speak, you couldn’t answer him. Not Jongdae, please let it not be Jongdae. Not your Jongdae. “Y/n, you are playing a dangerous game here.” Images of Jongdae’s soft smile passed your mind, the feeling of his hand in yours, fingers slipping into place. His voice, soothing you, arms around your shoulders holding you close. No, not him, he cannot have him. “Fuck you.” You spat, fingers reaching out for anything solid you could find and slamming it against his temple. When he let you go, stepping away to touch his head, you bolted, running for the door with pain shooting up your hip. You heard the sound, a soft swish, and felt a stabbing pain at your leg. It gave out underneath you, and you fell against the door, so close to safety. You looked down, to find a small dart sticking out of your thigh. Slowly, things started to get number, and number. You vaguely saw Minho closing in, kneeling down in front of you. He ran the back of his hand across your cheek. “I guess I will have to find out myself.” It was the last thing you heard coming from his mouth before you slipped into complete darkness.

***

Jongdae’s pov

He was sitting in the living room, changing channels on the tv. Xiumin was in the chair, reading a file. “Can you settle on something?” he grumbled. Kyungsoo walked in, a deep frown on his face, as Jongdae settled on some random cop show. “Hey.” “Hi.” He answered. “You okay?” Kyungsoo nodded, so Jongdae didn’t think to much of the brooding state of his face. He took place beside him, leaning his head on the backrest. He got absorbed in the series, intently staring at a chasing scene in the streets of Chicago, or maybe it was Boston. When suddenly, the screen changed. Xiumin looked up at the sound of the static on the screen. And the alarms sounded, from Baekhyun’s room. “What the fuck?” The screen changed again, and Jongdae couldn’t take his eyes of what he saw next. The face, so familiar, that brought up so many nightmares for him. He felt nauseous, swallowing thickly. Minho. Xiumin dropped his file, and Kyungsoo groaned lightly as he finally turned his eyes to the screen, gasping then. “Xiumin?” Jongdae mumbled. “What the fuck have you done?” His voice sounded, the same way it always used to. Lithe, and playful. “Well, I guess since you guys can see me now. Let me tell you why I’m on your screen.” It was barely discernible over the sound of the alarms. Jongdae’s heart and mind went out to you, praying to god that you were okay. That he hadn’t gotten to you yet. But when Minho moved aside, Jongdae saw you. You were on the bed, flat on your back, unconscious. There was something around your neck, like a collar. The bastard. His first instinct was to get up, but Xiumin pointed a finger at him. “Don’t go, hear him out first.” Kyungsoo was stiff beside him, staring at the screen with wide eyes and trembling hands. Jongdae didn’t sit down, he remained standing as he spoke. “As you see we have a bit of a problem here. That thing around her neck, is connected to this thing.” He moved a bit further to reveal a cylindrical contraption on a chair. “If she moves, and pulls the thread, it goes off. Now, we don’t want that to happen don’t we? This bomb, I’m sure you can dismantle it, seeing your men do have the skill Minseok.” A bomb, Minho had strapped you to a bomb? Jongdae clasped a hand over his mouth, pushing away the tears that threatened to spill over. His breath was shaky, as he couldn’t do anything but watch your body limply lay there. Your head hanging over the edge of the bed, hair tumbling down. “So how about you send in some of your guys, and see what you can do? I’ll be leaving you to it. Although I hope to see you soon.” Minho had the audacity to wink, before the stepped away from the camera. It didn’t turn off, and all three of them were looking at you. Jongdae moved, as soon as Minho was gone. He bolted for the door. A strong hand caught him around his bicep. “You’re not going.” Xiumin growled. “The hell I’m not, let me go!” Jongdae yelled, but the leader wouldn’t budge. “LET ME GO!” “Listen, he probably wants both of us out there,” Xiumin was interrupted by the door opening and Sehun and Suho stumbling in. “What the fuck was that?” Suho gasped, eyes wide. “How did this happen?!” Xiumin didn’t let him go, but spoke calmly. “Sehun, find Chanyeol, and take Kyungsoo. Go to her place and get her safe okay?” Sehun nodded, immediately taking off into the direction of Baekhyun’s room. Kyungsoo followed Sehun without a word, but Suho, he glared at Xiumin now that everyone was out. “You fucked up.” “I know he would go for her, it was the only logical step.” Jongdae then managed to wrestle his arm free, and swung at Xiumin, Suho stopped him. “God damnit!” he yelled at both of them. “If anything happens to her! It’s your fault!” Suho sighed, dropping his wrist. “Listen, right now we need to stay calm, they’re going to get her out of there. Chanyeol will get the bomb in no time, she will be fine. Right now all we can do is stay here where we’re safe.” “How do you know he’s not there waiting to kill them?!” Xiumin shook his head. “He’s testing us, he won’t be there.” “Let me go then!” “No.” The leader barked. “He might be watching, and you and I both know he has some unfinished business with you.” “Oh,” jongdae scoffed. “And you suddenly care whether I die or not?” Xiumin rubbed his temples. “Let’s go to Baekhyun and check the monitors, he must be pretty shaken up.”

***

Kyungsoo’s pov

They were in the car, and he hadn’t spoken a word since he’d seen your body there. This guy, he’d left you alone with him, because you sort of asked? Why had you sent him away if he was so dangerous. Jongdae and Xiumin seemed to know something. Was this the guy you’d mentioned all those times? That Xiumin was after? “Listen, I need you guys to just make sure she doesn’t move.” Chanyeol spoke from behind the wheel. “Let me take care of the bomb.” “Are you sure you’re going to get it?” Chanyeol nodded, turning onto your street. “If I think it’s too dangerous I’ll probably send you guys out.” “What about her then?” Kyungsoo asked. What if it went wrong, and Chanyeol couldn’t do it. He’d loose you, no he wasn’t going to loose you. “I’m not going to leave her side.” If the thing was going to go off, he’d be there with you. He couldn’t just leave you there. No. Kyungsoo thought back to Jongdae, how scared he’d looked at the screen, petrified. He himself hadn’t even been able to utter a gasp, but the tears in your best friends eyes stood clear in his mind. Jongdae knew things he didn’t, about you, about this guy. And his level of fear wasn’t making him feel any better. “I’ll stay too, if we go down, we go down together.” Sehun stated. Chanyeol pulled up to your place and put in his earpiece. “Baekhyun can you hear me?” “Can you check the cameras?” “Nobody there, okay!” he turned around. “Baek says it’s clear so we should roll.” The tall one lifted a box of equipment out of the car and threw both Kyungsoo and Sehun a handgun. The weight was heavy and Kyungsoo felt it was loaded. Sehun would probably be better with it, but safety first. “Let’s go.” Your front door was still unlocked, and Kyungsoo was the first one up both stairs into your room. He reached your, still fully asleep. Before he could touch you Chanyeol’s hand held him back. “Be careful, if you move her too much and you stretch the wire it’ll go off.” The words hit him and he stared at your lifeless body, your skin was pale and you were still in the clothes you had on earlier the day. He sat on the bed, next to you, and took your hand in his, lacing his fingers. You were going to be okay. “I think she’s still out.” “Okay good,” Chanyeol said. “Let me open this baby up.” The tall one knelt down by the chair and set down his case, clicking it open and revealing an extensive set of tools and electrical supplies. “Baek do you have vision?” Kyungsoo realised he still had his ear hanging by his neck and popped it in. Baekhyun’s voice sounded erratically though it. “Yeah I see it, it doesn’t seem to complicated like this. Open it up first, if it’s motion sensitive there will be extensive wiring on the inside. It’s not your usual clip and cut.” He didn’t really understand much of bombs, but he knew those two together would get you out. Chanyeol’s steady hands took quick work of the exterior plate of the bomb, unscrewing it and revealing dozens of wires of the same single colour. “Well fuck.” Chanyeol grumbled. He took out a small box with…stickers, coloured stickers. The next plate on the other side came off, and Kyungsoo couldn’t properly see what happened but Baekhyun’s breath audibly hitched. “What the fuck is this contraption.” “What is it?” Kyungsoo asked frantically. “There’s a timer.” “A timer?” “Yes.” Chanyeol grumbled, running a hand through his dark hair. Kyungsoo swallowed, looking at Sehun who was waiting by the door of your room, gun in his hand. “How long?” “17 minutes, 48 seconds. It should be enough time, but it does make things more complicated.” Kyungsoo focused on your, touching your cheek lightly to feel if you were cold. You weren’t, your skin was warm and it really seemed like you were just asleep. Your breathing was steady, chest rising evenly and without a sound. That’s when he saw your eyes flutter. “Angel?” Chanyeol’s head whipped up from the bomb. “Is she waking up?” “I think so.” “Make sure she doesn’t move.” Kyungsoo looked at your face, as you scrunched up your nose and parted your lips. Your tongue darted out to wet them and a soft groan sounded. “Angel can you hear me? Don’t move okay, just stay still. We’re getting you out of here.” You frowned, and he saw your throat strain. “Don’t talk, it’s okay.” “Baekhyun do you see any logic in this?” Chanyeol asked. “Maybe if you sat still for a minute, Sehun can you take the cam and hold it or something?” There was movement and rustling on the other end of the line, Kyungsoo just focused on you for now. Until Xiumin’s voice sounded. “Listen, if that timer reaches 3 minutes before you manage to get her out, you all leave” “What?” Kyungsoo hissed. “You want us to leave her here?” “Loosing 1 is better than 4 of you.” Kyungsoo clearly heard Jongdae’s shrill voice in the background, he couldn’t understand, but the tone sent chills down his spine. He sounded so upset. “Jongdae, if you can hear me, I’m not going to leave her. I promise, we’ll get her out of here.” “Kyungsoo you better listen to me.” Xiumin growled on the other end. “No.” Chanyeol spoke up. “Can you two not, I’m trying to concentrate here! Xiumin put Baekhyun back on the line.” More rustling and Baek’s voice sounded again. “I’m here, sorry. Okay, there has to be a way to the inner wires, maybe through the top.” Chanyeol went to work and Kyungsoo looked at you as your throat strained still, your lips parted to form a sound but it was indiscernible. It sounded like a groan, but you repeated it once, twice. “What?” You tried again, but to no avail. However, your hand softly squeezed his, meaning the sedative was really starting to wear off. “Angel really, please stay still okay.” “Got it, God, Baekhyun look!” “That’s it, I knew there had to be a way. Can you get your hand in there?” “No.” Kyungsoo looked up and saw Chanyeol peer inside the bomb from the top. “You’ll have to label them and figure it out, I can’t see it properly with this lighting. But there should be a wire from the clock and the motion seeker towards the explosive. Wait…what is the explosive?” “I think it’s a single block of C4.” “Fuck, just, be careful Yeol, you can do this.” “Yeah.” The tall ones voice was slightly shaky, even though he’d done things like this so many times before. His big hands seemed to be a problem though. “Angel’s hands would come in handy now.” He grumbled. Kyungsoo looked at you again, as you licked your lips. “-Ae” “Angel please don’t try to talk.” He whispered, rubbing his thumb over the top of your hand. “-Ap.” “Ap?” “-Ap.” You breathed, scrunching up your nose. Kyungsoo couldn’t make out what you were trying to say, but it was obviously bothering you. Your hand was warm and colour was returning to your cheeks and Chanyeol was still fiddeling with the bomb. “How many minutes?” Sehun asked? “Under 10. We’ll be fine, I just can’t reach. I’ll get it. We’ll get her out.” He stated. “Baekhyun?” “Ya?” “How big is the chance this thing is going to go off when I cut all the wires at once?” “Yeol, you know that, it’s big. If they’ve wired it the right way for that you’re blowing up the building. Concentrate.” “Yeah.” Kyungsoo watched Chanyeol, as he labeled the wires on the outer part, and hesitantly cut one. Nothing happened, the timer kept ticking. “I know there have to be 3 sets of batteries in this thing and I can’t fucking get to them because of the wire.” Kyungsoo’s eyes went to your throat, that slowly moved as you breathed, where the leather collar was resting. “I could try cutting it off.” “You’ll risk setting it off.” “If it’s the only way to get her out, you guys can all go and I’ll try. I’m not leaving her here.” Chanyeol shook his head. “We’re not resolving to that with 7 minutes left. Let me try something.” He grabbed a pair of pliers and a flashlight, shifting to peer inside again. Chanyeol mumbled a few colours to himself, Sehun came over to the bed. “She looks better than when we came in.” Kyungsoo nodded. “She’s trying to speak, but I can’t figure out what she’s saying.” “-Ae, -ap.” You swallowed. “-Rap.” “Rap?” Sehun mumbled. “Trap? Angel, trap?!” You couldn’t nod, but Kyungsoo saw it in your eyes. “Trap, she means trap.” “Trap?” Baekhyun asks worried. “What trap? Is it a trap?” “Nae.” “What?” Sehun asked. “I got it!” Chanyeol suddenly yelled. “I think I got it. It stopped ticking.” Kyungsoo looked up. “Can I cut her loose?” “Let me just try and unwire the sensor.” He said, clipping a thread inside the bomb. “Cut her loose, we’re going home.” Kyungsoo took a knife from his pocket, slipping it under the collar and slicing through the material. The first thing you did was take a deep breath. “O-dae.” “Dae?” Sehun frowned. “Jongdae? He’s home, they’re waiting for us.” You shook your head and Kyungsoo helped you sit up, watching you scrunch you eyes shut again. “Are you feeling okay?” he asked. You shook your head again and Kyungsoo was at a loss for what you meant. So he put an arm under you lips legs and lifted you up easily. “Let’s just get you home.” He pressed his lips to your temple and held you against his chest, where you were safe. “It’s going to be okay.” He saw you close your eyes, he felt your fear, something was wrong. Something was very wrong, but as long as you couldn’t speak properly nobody was going to figure out what. He just hoped this guy didn’t do anything to you other than this. When they walked down the stairs, Baekhyun was chatting to Chanyeol when suddenly there was a loud noise. Like something fell. The hacker fell silent immediately. “Baekhyun?” Kyungsoo asked. “Baek?” Xiumin’s voice was easily heard in the back, yelling. Everyone heard Baekhyun drop his headset, and Chanyeol looked back in fear. “What was that?” “Please don’t tell me that was what I think it was?” Sehun mumbled. “It sounded like a gunshot.” Chanyeol whispered. “We have to go, they might be in trouble.” You opened your eyes and Kyungsoo knew that you knew. There was a tremble going through you as he lifted you into the back of the car, the door barely closed before Chanyeol sped off. “Should we call Jongin?” Sehun asked hurriedly. “Shoot him a text, if we doesn’t reply we’ll call.” Kyungsoo said. Kyungsoo felt you shift, and you opened your mouth. “It’s a trap.” “We’re going Ang, it’s going to be fine.” Chanyeol said, taking a sharp turn. “No,” you whispered, “it won’t be.” Kyungsoo knew the others didn’t hear you, they couldn’t see the tears in the corners of your eyes. The couldn’t see how afraid you were. It was something he’d never seen from you, not to this extent. He pulled you closer, tucking your head under his chin. “Shhh.” Sehun’s phone rang, and he picked up. “Ya?” “What?” “What happened?” “Yeah she’s awake.” “Yeah hold on jesus.” “Yeah yeah!” He turned around in his seat, extending the phone to Kyungsoo. “It’s Xiumin he wants to speak to Angel.” Kyungsoo took the phone, handing it to you. You were able to hold it, and he watched you put it to your ear with a shaky hand. “Min.” You whispered. His eyes were trained on your face, hearing their boss’ voice as a soft mumble. Your eyes turned glassy, your whole body was strung tight, you tensed you. He was almost sure you stopped breathing, hand tightening around the phone. “Min.” You whispered again, voice almost pleading him for something. A tear escaped your eyes, rolling down your cheek. Kyungsoo couldn’t do anything but stare as it made it’s way down your neck. You dropped the phone onto the floor of the car, clasping your hand over your mouth, closing your eyes. He knew, then and there, what happened. Your face spoke volumes.

A/N: I'm not sorry

@oh-beyond @xingtrash @nunchiwrites @xiubaek13 @yeollieollie @melyyexo @minseok-baozi @paark-haaraa @littlekatlizzy 

#exo mafia #mafia au #exo scenario #exo reaction #kpop #kyungsoo scenario #d.o scenario #engraved #mywriting #kyungsoo fic #d.o fic #kyungsoo fanfic #d.o fanfic #kyungsoo fanfiction #d.o fanfiction #kyungsoo story #d.o story #kyungsoo series #d.o series #exo fic #exo fanfic #exo fanfiction #exo story #exo series #angst #smut #fluff #chanyeol #jongdae #baekhyun

[fy-soukoku]

hiiiii!! i was wondering... why exactly do u love soukoku so much??? i love them too! and when i see ur posts they make me feel rlly happy! but i recently read someone's post saying they thought soukoku's partnership was toxic & unbalanced & i was just ???? like ?? ??? i mean i can get why they think that (we've gotten like,, 0 canon information on them when they were partners) but what about how well they work together? the amount of trust we've seen? idk man it just made me feel a bit ://

I am so sorry you saw that! Honestly, I don’t understand why people feel the need to post ship hate?? Like, it makes other people happy, do you really need to be that petty? Some people are just… stupid. And annoying. And very immature. I am so sorry :(

Here’s why I love Soukoku, my friends.

Well, I loved Chuuya at first sight. And when he showed the audience that he could one-up Dazai like that if he wanted to, I knew that there was some good chemistry there. Maybe not shippy, at least not for me, but it was getting there. 

And then Dazai responds in turn, countering Chuuya’s quips and attacks with such familiarity that you have to wonder how well they know each other. Even fighting, they work fluidly, guessing the other’s attack before it can even start. I love that dynamic, because it shows how well they know each other. Inside and out, even if they deny it.

But I suppose that I really fell in love with it at about this point:

More specifically, the smile that Dazai has on when Chuuya passes out.

I know everyone screams over the fact that he finds his clothes and folds them all up, but there’s something so tender about this moment that gets me every time.

More so because he acts so… I don’t, disgusted by Chuuya for most of the time. From what we’ve seen of Dazai, if he approves of you, you’re going to know. I mean, Atsushi knows when Dazai approves. Hell, Akutagawa knows that Dazai doesn’t hate him.

But he continues to tell Chuuya that he dislikes him, is tired of him, doesn’t want to work with him, when we all know very well that if Dazai doesn’t want to do anything, he doesn’t want to do it.

And I think that just shows he really does care about Chuuya? Because just… the way he acts around him. When Chuuya doesn’t really seem to notice, Dazai looks so fond of him, like he’s something to be treasured. And when Chuuya does notice, you have moments like this:

and this:

Which looks less like purposefully being an ass just to hurt Chuuya and more of a, “Wow, you look cute when you’re angry or when you make that face so I’m going to provoke you in the only way I know how because I don’t want you to know I still care about you.”

And then on Chuuya’s side, we have moments like this:

You can’t see Chuuya’s face in this gif, but just how… terrified he looks? Like losing Dazai is more than losing a partner. Like losing a lover almost. 

Because the absolute trust and respect that Chuuya obviously has for Dazai still remains, even if Dazai is a supposed traitor. Which gets me thinking, even if he is sour about Dazai leaving the Port Mafia, maybe it hit a little closer to home than that?

Whether they were close friends, (I doubt it) or actually lovers, it would hurt for someone as close to you as Dazai to not only abandon you, but blow up your car, as if it’s all a joke. 

Which explains why Chuuya is so mad at Dazai. Why he wants to kill him. Because Dazai broke his heart. He ripped him up, but Chuuya would still trust him with his life. He is still everything to Chuuya. He’s his partner, his childhood friend, and maybe even his lover. (Side note: I headcanon both Chuuya and Dazai as bisexual.)

Which leaves a messy history behind. One where Dazai has hurt Chuuya more than anyone. Where Chuuya is trying to move on, but he can’t. That’s what gets me hooked on Soukoku - they’re both trying to pull away, but they’re so obviously drawn to each other. This has an opportunity to portray how healthy communication and overcoming your own personal boundaries can improve your relationships. For example, Dazai choosing Chuuya over death. Or me choosing this blog, my writing, over my mental disorders.

And writing them trying to repair their relationship? I’m telling you, I have a 11k WIP fic about them repairing their relationship, and I have to stop and cry because the raw emotion that can be so portrayed in their relationship is heartbreaking. 

Plus, you’re right, we didn’t get a lot of canon content for their relationship. So their previous dynamic is totally up to your interpretation. And the tension that boils between them feels like a little more than just friendship. (Don’t even get me started on how Chuuya knows full well when Dazai is manipulating him, can read his thoughts and intentions, but lets him go through with it anyway.

My favourite interpretation of soukoku is Friends With Benefits, but both with deeper feeling they’re in denial of, and eventually overcoming their own personal barriers to be able to love each other in a kind and supportive way. A logical, but meaningful, relationship between two people. One of whom needs to find his true value in this world, and the other who wants to be that value, but isn’t sure where to start. 

So, speaking as someone who uses BSD ships and characters as a way to cope myself: Screw those haters! Soukoku is a wonderful ship! All ships are amazing! You keep loving what you want to love! 

#bungou stray dogs #soukoku #nakahara chuuya #osamu dazai #bsd #meta