#i’m just like. upset bc i don’t understand why she only ever seems to cancel on me or only seems to be soooooo exhausted when it’s the day | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shingia · 3 years

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can i req suna,, akaashi and iwa (and anyone else u want!!) getting jelly abt the s/o hanging out with another guy and being touchy (like the playful smacking or smth) without knowing the guy was their brother? angst to fluff bc i want the ✨ pain ✨ if u dont wanna its fine too,,

thanks bby,, love ur works so much! stay safe and healthy 😫💗

✗ HQ BOYS GETTING JEALOUS OF A GUY WITHOUT KNOWING HE’S YOUR BROTHER ✗

me receiving a request : 🥰 the request including suna :🤩 tysmm bby stay safe and healthy tooo <3

-> suna, iwaizumi, akaashi

-> angst to fluff

-> reblogs help a lot <33

— SUNA

• he hadn’t asked many questions when you told him you couldn’t come over to his house in the afternoon. but now, as he was replaying your snapchat story for the sixth time, he really wished he did

• maybe if he had insisted on coming with you, you wouldn’t have let this guy - that he had never seen, for the record - act so touchy with you

• was it his fault for not making you feel special enough ? to the point that you preferred the company of other men rather than your own boyfriend’s ?

• just the thought of this was enough to make a few of his usually well-hidden insecurities bubble up - most of them due to what his friends always joked about « suna doesn’t care enough to be in a relationship, they’ll all run away after a week ! »

• so yes, suna was hurt, but you didn’t have to see that. your opinion on him was the only one he cared about, he didn’t want to tarnish it. well... your opinion and his little sister’s, who burst into his room as he was about to watch your story for the seventh time to tell him that « someone’s at the door ! »

• not feeling like getting out of bed, it took him a few minutes to drag his feet to the door before finally opening it. and of all the people he could have expected to see, you were the last of them

• « surprise ? » you smiled as you let yourself in, not noticing the surprised look on his face as you greeted him with a tight hug. « i felt bad for cancelling our afternoon together, so i asked my brother to drop me off »

• you weren’t even done talking that suna had already recognized the man in the car that was leaving his driveway. his embrace immediately softened, and a smile crept on his face as he felt all his doubts vanish in a second

• « nuh-uh, don’t take your jacket off beautiful, i’m taking you out », he told you, determined to spoil you in the way he regretted not doing sooner

• at his words, his sister almost magically appeared next to you, coat in hand and ready to go. « you weren’t planning on leaving without me, right ? » she flashed you a toothless grin, grabbing both your hand and his to drag you two outside

• suna shared a deadpanned look with you, « of course not... » you both said in unison as she was already leading the way to her favorite ice cream shop

— IWAIZUMI

• iwa’s trust in you was infinite. but something about the way this guy had his arm playfully wrapped around your shoulders didn’t sit right with him

• his practice had ran late and he was exhausted. but he had promised you he would pop over to the birthday party of your childhood best friend, knowing how much it mattered to you

• but your behavior looked an awful lot like an attempt at making him jealous... and it was working

• was it your way of letting him know that you two weren’t working anymore ? were you just too much of a coward to be clear about it ? he hated to think about you that way. and most of all, he cared about you too much to not step in

• « ok now you got my attention » he told you after pulling you to the side. « if you want to tell me something, go ahead, i’m listening »

• still trapped in the euphoria of the moment, you didn’t really understand how upset he was. but maybe it was for the best, because it allowed you to defuse the tension lightheartedly : « i can’t believe i forgot to introduce you ! » you let out as you dragged him back to where your brother was still standing

• his jaw still clenched, iwa couldn’t even bring himself to shake this stranger’s hand, as friendly as he looked. at least not until you spoke your next words : « he was actually telling me how excited he was to finally met his future brother-in-law ! »

• iwa’s lips slightly parted in confusion, you could almost hear the cogs turning in his head over the music. brother? well that explained a lot of things

• « h-hi, sorry i was... miles away » he apologized before finally shaking the hand your brother was holding out to him

• but once the surprise had passed, another word stuck with him : brother-in-law ? as in « my sibling speaks so highly of you that i’m willing to let you put a ring on their finger even though i have never met you yet » ?

• well, it was good to know that your brother agreed with the plans he’d had for you since day 1...

— AKAASHI

• it was not unusual for akaashi to think that maybe he was not good enough for you. but being actually jealous was a first for him

• he had promised himself to never be too overprotective of you. but the facts were here : it was 3am and the only thing keeping him up was this unknown feeling of pure jealousy

• if he had not been in such a hurry when he witnessed your lighthearted banter and playful fighting with this man in the afternoon, he would’ve come up to you. introduced himself. maybe asked a few questions. if

• suspecting that this unpleasant feeling would not go away unless he talked to you about it, akaashi found himself dialling your number in the middle of the night

• used to his thoughts polluting his mind at unpredictable hours of the day and the night, your ringer was always on. which is why you picked up after only two rings

• « hi angel, i’m sorry to wake you up, i just... » he started, the clarity of his tone letting you know that he had not slept a wink. feeling his hesitation, you were quick to reassure him « it’s ok keiji. what’s going on ? »

• « who were you with ? i mean- this afternoon ? i don’t think i’ve ever met that guy and i was just wondering if... maybe i should ? »

• sitting up straight on your bed, you felt a weight being lifted off your shoulders. if this was the only thing keeping him awake, he should be able to fall asleep in the following minutes. « i was with my brother. but i understand why you were confused, it’s a normal reaction so please don’t blame yourself for that, alright baby ? »

• the gasp you heard on the other end of the line made you chuckle. akaashi’s voice was much less tensed now : « well in that case, yeah i should probably meet him... if you’re ok with that »

• « i’m more than ok with that » you smiled, placing your phone down on your pillow « wanna stay on the phone for a bit ? »

• « that’d be nice », his voice sounded sleepy already, especially above the familiar sound of his covers being pulled up to his chin

— ATSUMU

• how could he put that in words ? he didn’t even know if he was allowed to be jealous because he knew how often you had to see him deal with his many fangirls

• and that was actually what bugged him the most : that he might have already made you feel as shitty as he was feeling now

• but atsumu wasn’t the type to sit down and seriously open up about his feelings. besides, it was much easier to look like a needy boyfriend rather than a vulnerable one

• so he resorted to what he was best at : physical touch as a way to get your attention

• sneaking up behind you, he didn’t give you any warning before wrapping both his arms around your waist and pressing his chest on your back so much that you almost had to bend over

• he really hoped you would be perceptive enough to understand that he wasn’t just being clingy, but in need of a lot of reassurance. and luckily, it was quick to come :

• « tsumu, let me introduce you my brother » you chuckled, understanding how and why he had been mistaken

• one hand still on your waist, he used the other to greet your brother. atsumu did not really seem fazed by the news. of course he was relieved to know that he had nothing to worry about, but this little experience had still been very eye-opening to him

• after your brother had left to give you two some privacy, tsumu’s grip on your waist tightened, but in a softer way

• « ‘m sorry if i ever made ya cry » he let out, completely out of the blue. you didn’t really understand the meaning of this, but it didn’t matter. your hand found its way to his cheek that you brushed lightly with one finger, admiring the how it was slowly turning red. « being jealous sucks... » he added.

• « it does », you approved, giving him a quick peck on the nose. « but there’s nothing and no one that you should worry about, i promise »

• a fond smile lit up his face. you looked sincere, and he really needed to hear that right now. quick as ever, his hands left your waist to come and rest on your cheeks. both holding each other’s faces, you stared at the other for a few seconds, wondering which one of you would give in to a kiss first

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#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst to fluff #haikyuu imagines #suna rintarou x reader #akaashi x reader #iwaizumi x reader #atsumu x reader #suna fluff #akaashi fluff #iwaizumi fluff #atsumu fluff #suna angst #iwaizumi angst #atsumu angst #akaashi angst

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kachinnate · 3 years

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,,,,okay i know i just said i wasn’t going to talk about the deh movie but actually yeah imma talk about it for just a sec bc y’all actually make me legitimately distressed sajkfndsmjkgds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLQ_A0H1otc i dont have the braincells to do a shot by shot analysis right now but here’s what we’re lookin at

under a readmore because ghhhhhhh

firstly, let me lead with this: yes, from what we know, there’s a lot of things wrong with this movie.

the worst, in my humble opinion, being the bts treatment of the (very few) actors of color, and the lack altogether of any production team members of color. that’s something that should be acknowledged, talked about, and fucking dug into especially at the current fucking period of time we’re living in. it’s unsurprising, but disgusting nonetheless, and it set this movie up for failure from the very beginning. i’m a white person so by no means so i feel inclined or like i have any authority in saying what one should feel wrt all of that, however i will say if there’s to be a boycott in not watching this movie, that should 100% be the reason why. it’s fully poc’s choice whether or not to forgive the production team or give this movie a chance for the irredeemable shit it did in regards to handling the movie’s production. the movie imo definitely doesn’t deserve their forgiveness, but again, that is not for me to say.

there’s some little things too that i can’t fully think of off the top of my head - like, the whole making larry connor’s stepdad thing fucking irks me, for example, but, like...... listen.

if you know me like at all, you know my favorite word is nuance.

so, i’m going to say it outright: the way you people are approaching this three minute trailer shows literally.... none?? no nuance ??? is it no-nuance november over here or ???? like i’m begging you i’m BEGGING YOU to put aside your pre-determined prejudices against this movie and like stop pretending to be a renowned film critic for ten seconds because it’s really not as outright fucking abysmal as you are saying!! and also it’s possible to have opinions that aren’t completely fucking polarized to one side because guess what, the deh movie? a piece of media! what is the shit y’all are constantly preaching about having the ability to consume media critically ? because you’re trying to cancel a fucking trailer based on the contents of the trailer alone !!!!! hello !!!!!!!!

media is bound to be problematic. if y’all were as quick to judge any movie as you did this one, guess what you wouldn’t be watching any movies like ever <3

anyway lets get into the parts that are probably going to get me cancelled lmao

ben platt - listen. LISTEN. listen i know he’s too old to be reprising evan we ALL know he’s too old to be reprising evan i’ve heard this same argument since the announcement was made we get it we all know. haha he’s a grandpa yes bestie ur so right ur so funny wow. i do agree that we should’ve maybe had a not-ben-platt evan moment but here’s some things to keep in mind: the arguments of “oooh ABF is right there !!!!!!” 1. who’s to say he was available? 2. the environment of a movie is so, SO much different than that of a musical -- as much as you wanna pretend you know everything from just a trailer, there’s no way of knowing what scenes were added that might’ve made the movie like.. idk possibly more intense story-wise not even COUNTING the fact that just inherently a movie set is different than a musical one? like yes ben platt might be just being used as a device but that’s probably not the sole and only reason. Also, if i see One (1) more comment about his FUCKING HAIR 😃 first of all it’s not that deep like... if you’re so distracted by an actor having their hair different that’s on you, but going as far as to call it bad or distracting or being like Vehemently a way about it? y’all i know it’s most likely not your intention but that is literally just ben platt’s natural fuckin ETHNICALLY JEWISH hair sajknfgkjds!!!! i’m not the first to make this point, but like dsjnfkjdsg!??! y’all are being so mean about it and for WHAT? again, maybe not intentional, but it reads as like high key Very antisemetic and you should.... maybe not 😳 be that way

connor. the thing about a trailer is that they don’t show you all the scenes because they want you to come see the movie. right? can we agree on that? all the connor scenes in the trailer had SEVERAL hard cuts, omitting a lot of the scene -- like the computer lab scene! we see the beginning of it, there’s a VERY obvious hard cut, and then he’s running out! in my opinion my first watch through of this trailer i had a very like “:// hmm all these actors feel a lil like dry”, but man oh man the comments ive seen about connor. holy shit guys. this boy gets 7 minutes of stage time in the actual musical, and the whole thing is we DON’T KNOW VERY MUCH ABOUT HIM. not to burst your bubble, and i by no means hate connor, i love me some good connor lives fics and stuff, but everything we write with connor being alive? that is !! speculation on our part !!!! those are headcanons and us using the little context we have!! connor doesn’t have any significant development IN THE SOURCE MATERIAL that is being adapted into a movie !!! you 1. can’t fully judge a character with already limited screentime in a 3 minute trailer, 2. can’t really call what connor has canonically in the musical as in depth character development !! what is his arc then !!!! he pushes evan, goes to the computer lab, has an outcast loner kid moment, gets upset, takes the letter, DIES. sorry stans, that’s just how it is !! and, AND, everything in between, all the idiosyncracies, that depends on the actor playing connor! speaking of, you know who the actor is playing connor in the movie? that’s right, colton ryan! so, i don’t know, maybe... have some trust in the process, in an actor who ALREADY has played connor on broadway???? and also trust that you will get more connor content then u are seeing from a 3 minute trailer!! dhgnijsdg and some of the comments on like his appearance specifically? like are you really made that he doesn’t have long hair?? they kept his nails and his rings but nahhh the hair was apparently a MUST HAVE (even though like.. not all connor actors on broadway always had/have long hair but w/e).. REGARDLESS. tldr on THAT , the movie would have to do a pretty shitty job if they want to take something from someone who doesn’t have much to begin with and i think y’all are being extremely harsh on this point

jared. honestly i’m a bit worried too about the like... name change, because it does have the potential to be taking out some representation, but... they did change the name to fit the actor’s ethnicity? it’s a really [hmm] topic because, again, from a trailer and from what we have been told we don’t KNOW a lot of the context, but i think it’s important to remember that uh.. jewish people aren’t just? always white ?? there’s a possibility they changed the last name to fit with the [ethnicity] while keeping him jewish?? ofc there’s the possibility that they Didn’t and ... again hm that’s its own thing altogether but just reiterates the point that you can’t knock a whole movie just based on the trailer. you can’t talk about things you know nothing about.

alana. same thing as before, you can’t.... completely bash a character based on a 3 minute trailer. there was discussion about how she seemed ‘shy’ when talking to evan, which like.. maybe she is but also that scene was them talking in a library like if u actually take notice of what’s happening in the scene jdskngsd though i do share the general consensus with many others that she won’t get a lot of screen-time but that’s neither here nor there 😔 moving on

scenes and the setting. one of the things i was most like.. tentative about in regards to a switch from a musical to a movie was how they were like... going to do certain scenes? naturally, a lot has to be different when we’re going from a minimal stage set to an entire movie with like.. settings. there are going to be new scenes because a movie lends to have like, physical places that aren’t just [evan’s bedroom] and [murphy kitchen] and [implied school]. so new scenes, new conversations, slightly different pacing.. this is all to be expected right like are y’all geneuinely surprised here or ........

there’s a lot we aren’t seeing yet because this is a TRAILER. again i already mentioned this re: connor but like... again, y’all are making some Claims that just... fucking outlandish. there are so many moments in the trailer that are very obvious Hard Cuts. you don’t have all the information yet. you are angry at a tiny fragment of something that is confusing you because you don’t have all the context. is there a chance that some of this shit is just genuinely Bad? yeah but you really cannot 100000% say it with your chest and gauge it without seeing the movie and understanding what that scene is in context. lowkey uhhh saw some jokes about the zoe scene in the car and :’))) ? jesus? christ????

concluding thoughts because my brain hurts but like. you don’t have to like the movie. you don’t have to WATCH the movie. like all media if you choose to consume the movie you should do so with some CRITICAL THOUGHT. but, just like the novel (and i do not want to have any discussions about that i don’t care if you think it’s good Or bad that’s not what this is about) you guys are going in this WANTING to believe it’s bad and completely polarizing your thoughts on what this is going to be. yeah, maybe there shouldn’t be a movie. i genuinely think we could’ve gone without. but it’s just a piece of media, it’s not a progression like all your (musical is good, novel is bad, MOVIE IS WORSE OH NO) posts are suggesting. they are all just. different pieces of media stemming from a source. at the end of the day it’s just a fucking movie. if you already hate it so much, guess what? you don’t have to watch it! you don’t have to put so much needless fucking hate into a 3 MINUTE TRAILER. you can stop being performative and dissing it for its poor treatment of POC while then going on to make fun of ben platt’s hair and just targeting a different group like! please !!!

i’m not trying to be a fuckin’ advocate for this movie because there’s so much opportunity for it to suck, i do Not have high hopes for it, and i’m not even really sure i want to watch it (i bought the novel when it came out and have yet to read it, and i’m sure the movie will like.. elicit very similar vibes from me lsdngjkdsg like im just not uhhh feeling it) but y’know what? watching the trailer did not bring forth the fucking onslaught of hatred in me that apparently has fuckin posessed all of y’all and like djnsgjksdg plagued my dashboard for this whole evening. don’t come into my inbox trying to like.. argue with me about this (preemptively im turning off anon because i like i Can’t lmao) this is just like... a rant i needed to get out of me real quick.

SO. tldr for now: have critical thought about shit you consume, there’s no ethical consumption under [the film industry], you can’t judge a movie entirely on its trailer, and y’all need to calm the fuck down

#garbage.txt #deh movie #ask to tag #irrelevant #bc this is lowkey a vent bc jfc #this isn't @ anyone btw this is just [in general mostly just from my dash] bc.. sighs #anyway im gonna refrain from making any more comment on this its just. frustrating.#edit: ok to rb

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asian-hero · 4 years

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You are literally the best at writing angst, your fics make me feel some typa way. Can I request a todoroki shoto fic where him and reader are dating and he’s a prohero and she’s a doctor. And shoto is absent a lot bc of work and s/o gets sad bc she feels the relationship is 1sided. They fight bc shoto prioritizes hero-ing, & rder is like “but I save lives too”. They get “close” to splitting, but they makeup somehow. Thank you!!!!!!!

A/N: You think you can get away with breaking my heart just because you complimented me on my writing? 😤 (but in all seriousness, thank you for the compliment!)

You guys know you can request fluffy shit too, right?

Summary: You knew that you and Shouto came from different worlds, and while both of your jobs helped to save people, that didn’t mean that the two of you necessarily saw eye to eye on certain things. One of the things that the two of you never seemed to agree on was your relationship, and you were starting to feel that the two of you would never agree when it came to that.

Words: 3,307

You knew from the start that dating a pro hero wasn’t going to be easy. One day you could wake up next to the love of your life, and then five hours later, you find out that they died while watching the evening news. Or, one day you could find yourself being abducted by villains as a pawn to lure your hero lover into rescuing you, and either become scarred from the trauma of being kidnapped, or be the reason why your partner had fallen. Along with this, the hours for a pro were sporadic and unpredictable, which made it even harder to keep up a healthy relationship. So, it was safe to say that most heroes didn’t usually get into relationships with civilians, and, as a doctor, who had to deal with said heroes, you promised yourself to never get involved with one of them. If not for your physical health, then for your mental health.

Oh, how naive you were.

Somehow, whether it be due to some force in the universe that wanted to prove you wrong, or your own lack of willpower, you not only caught the attention of a certain elemental hero, but he had also caught yours as well. At first, you blamed your flustered state on the fact that he seemed to be one of your most, regular, patients. You tried to fool yourself that you were just simply worried for his health. After all, it wasn’t healthy to be visiting a hospital almost every other week. A few weeks of trying to convince yourself, and you suddenly were faced with the horrendous idea that you may have actually been worried about him because you cared about him, more than you were supposed to. It didn’t help that he was so handsome and sweet. In all honesty, it was truly a marvel that you managed to keep it together for as long as you had.

While you tried to keep your feelings tucked away deep inside of your heart, Shouto seemed to have other plans. On the days that he wasn’t in your hospital, bothering you with some large gash from a villain, or some serious bruises and broken bones from attempting to catch a falling building, he would still make his presence known through vases of flowers addressed specifically to you, as thanks for patching him up. Soon, arrangements of flowers were no longer delivered by the mailman, but instead by Shouto himself. He’d make sure to catch you on your break, or whenever you weren’t busy, just so he could strike up a conversation with you. It was both the most sweet and baffling thing that someone has done for you. Fairly soon after his common visits, the hospital became like his second home, where everyone knew why he was there, and the glamour of having a famous pro hero in their work environment was no longer exciting.

So, no one could really blame you when you started dating him a few months later.

Loving Shouto was one of the easiest things that you’ve ever done. Being in love with him came naturally to you, as if it were another part of your body. He was always so kind and caring, and while he did have his moments where his inexperience in terms of relationships truly showed, he always strived to be the best boyfriend that he could be. You knew that Shouto was the one who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, to grow old with. In fact, about a year into your relationship, Shouto had suggested that the two of you move in together, under the guise that you would both be saving a lot of money when it came to water and electricity, since the two of you practically lived together anyways. Not that you needed a reason to move in with him.

However, life wasn’t always that easy, and relationships don’t always turn out the way you thought they would.

After two years of dating Todoroki Shouto, you knew that the two of you would fall into some form of routine. The “honeymoon” phase wasn’t going to last forever, and you were perfectly fine with that. You still loved him dearly, and even though you both didn’t express it nearly as much as you used to, the feelings were still there, at least, on your side of the relationship.

While the two of you began to fall into your normalcy, with you growing comfortable with each other’s company, you found yourself realizing just how absent Shouto was. It started when he’d cancel your little dinner dates at home, saying that you shouldn’t wait up for him, since he’ll be home late. Of course, you gave him the benefit of the doubt, because you knew that his schedule wasn’t always the best, so you never complained to him. Soon, though, instead of missing dinner, Shouto was missing the entire day. It wasn’t very often that you had the day off, so when you did, he promised that he’d be home as well, so the two of you could make up lost time. But, when the time came, you woke up alone in your shared bed, a short note on your bedside table being your only indication that he’d left the house, and that he wouldn’t be home until late at night. Eventually, your shared apartment started to feel as though you were the only one living in it, and the only way that you knew Shouto was still living there was because the leftovers you’d put in the fridge for him would be gone the next morning.

At first, you tried really hard to be understanding. You knew that he couldn’t always be there with you, as he had a job to do. Any annoyance that you held toward him would be instantly replaced by guilt, since you knew that he was busy. However, as the days turned into months, your patience began to grown thin, and you were starting to question whether or not he even loved you anymore. If he did, he certainly never showed it, nor did he seem to feel the need to tell you that he loved you. In all honesty, you couldn’t remember the last time he told you he loved you, or the last time you ever felt loved. At this point, you were just wondering if he even cared if you were around, or if you were just someone who he knew would always be there.

Though you had managed to keep your feelings away from him for a while, it didn’t take long for your heart to no longer be able to carry your sorrows, and soon enough, you found yourself sitting on your couch at one in the morning, balling your eyes out as you waited for Shouto to come home.

Luckily for you, you didn’t need to wait much longer, as you could hear the soft click of the lock, and in a matter of seconds, you found yourself staring down the love of your life, who seemed shocked at the fact that you were still awake.

“(Y/N)?” He called out, concern filling his voice, “Why are you still awake?”

Wiping your eyes, you took in a deep breath, preparing yourself for what was to come. “We need to talk,”

Though it was a bit hard to see, with only the light from the kitchen illuminating your apartment, you could make out the tired expression on Shouto’s face. With a soft sigh, he moved toward you, patting your head.

“Can we talk about this in the morning?”

You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms across your chest. “Will you even be here in the morning?”

Hearing the edge to your voice seemed to catch his attention, as he tilted his head, clearly confused. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

You shrugged your shoulders, standing up from the couch in order to meet his eyes. “It’s a simple question, Shouto. You’re not even here when I wake up, so how are we supposed to talk?”

He furrowed his brow, not quite understanding what you were getting at. When he didn’t respond, you let out an obnoxious sigh, all of the anger you’ve been bottling up for the past few months finally rearing its ugly head.

“You know, at first I was fine with you cancelling for dinner. I did my best to understand that you’re a hero, and you have an important job to do,” Your eyes bore into him, almost as if you thought you could convey all of your hurt and anger by just your stare, “But, when you start to become less of a ‘roommate’ and more of a cryptid, that’s where I draw the line.”

“What are you talking about?” You could hear the defensive edge in his voice, and it did nothing to stop the fire from raging in your stomach.

“Do you even remember the last time that the two of us were together? The last time we did something that was remotely romantic? I certainly can’t!” You knew that you were unloading a lot of feelings onto him, but you couldn’t care less at this point.

“Well I’m sorry that I can’t be here all the time, but it’s not like I can just stop what I’m doing just to come home and chat,”

You wanted to rip your hair out. “I’m not asking you to do that!”

“Then what do you want?” He asked, his tone becoming as sharp as a knife, “Do you want me to quit my job? To stop being a hero? I’m not going to stop just because you feel upset. There are actual lives on the line.”

“Do you think that I don’t understand that?” You snapped, your nails digging into the palms of your hands.

“I save lives too, you know! Every single day I go to work and do my best to help out those who need me the most, but you don’t see me neglecting this relationship,”

He scoffed, his lips quirking downwards. “Just because you don’t see the work I put in doesn’t mean that it isn’t there. You knew what my life was like when we started dating, I don’t know why this is surprising,”

“I know what I got myself into! I just wish that I would matter just a fraction as much as your job,”

“You want me to prioritize you over my duty to the people?”

“That’s not what I’m saying! I just want to feel like I’m important to you,” You could feel your shoulders deflating, “Why is that so hard to understand?”

The two of you could have fought the entire night and have gone in circles. Instead, Shouto merely took in a deep breath, closing his eyes. “Can we just talk about this in the morning? It’s late, and I can’t think about this right now.”

All of the fight that was in you had suddenly dissipated, and all you were left with was this hollow feeling in your chest. Shaking your head, you brushed past him, heading towards the guest room.

“Don’t worry. There’s nothing to talk about anymore,” You didn’t even bother turning towards him, “Just, do whatever you want.”

With that, you shut the door behind you, locking it and then throwing yourself onto the bed, praying that you’d get at least a couple hours of sleep before your shift.

Unfortunately for you, you ended up getting about two hours of sleep before waking up at six in the morning. Wordlessly, you got ready for work, not bothering to check if Shouto was still home, though, you wouldn’t be surprised if he’d just taken off right after you left.

Once you had arrived at the hospital, you were instantly greeted by the concerned stares from your coworkers, with some even voicing that you didn’t look so good. Not wanting to worry anyone, you told them that you were fine, and that you just didn’t get that much sleep last night. It wasn’t a complete lie, and it got them off of your case, so, you figured that you got away with it.

You honestly couldn’t remember what happened during the rest of the day. Bits and pieces would come to you, like when you had to do a routine check-up for one of your favorite patients, or when you took a thirty minute nap during your lunch. Other than that, you truly could not remember what you did. In fact, if your receptionist didn’t tell you that it was nearly eight in the evening, you were sure that you would’ve stayed the night by accident.

As you left your shift and hurried onto the next train to take you home, you couldn’t help but replay the conversation you had with Shouto. You weren’t quite sure where your relationship stood. Neither of you had made the effort to contact the other, and although it had only been one day, you couldn’t help but feel anxious. While of course, you were glad that you told him how you felt, and that you wished he could be more present as a partner, you felt bad about how you went about telling him. There were better ways of telling him that you felt as though he didn’t care anymore, and snapping at him was probably one of the worst ways to go about it. So, as you continued your journey home, you figured that you’d apologize for snapping at him like you did, but you were in no way going to apologize for how you felt, or for telling him that you didn’t feel like a priority for him.

Once the train had reached its destination, and you had finally made it to your front door, you were just about ready to collapse onto the couch. Maybe get in a quick nap before eating dinner, or maybe you’d just head straight towards your bed and get a full eight hours of sleep. However, once the door swung open, rather than being greeted by the deafening silence that you had grown accustomed to, you could hear the soft hum of the radio being played, along with the quiet sizzling of something being cooked. Closing the door gently, you took off your shoes and jacket, quietly making your way towards the kitchen. As you peered from the doorway, you watched in awe as Shouto stood over the oven, watching almost warily at whatever he was making. It was obvious that he had no idea what he was doing, and, judging by how messy your kitchen looked, it was clear to you that this wasn’t his first attempt. Glancing over at the dining table, you noticed the pair of bowls and cups that were set, as if he were setting the table for two.

Deciding that you were tired of just standing there, you cleared your throat, making your presence known.

He jumped a bit, whipping his head towards the source of the noise, before letting out a sound of relief. Quickly turning off the stove, he faced himself towards you, and you could tell that he felt awkward.

“What are you making?” You asked, trying to break the tension in the room.

“Fried rice,” He started, rubbing the back of his neck, “I thought I could make dinner, it seemed simple enough,”

You hummed, slowly making your way over to him, trying to gauge his reaction. When he didn’t move away, you stepped closer, peering into the pan to look at what he made. While it was slightly overcooked, you appreciated the effort. Motioning toward the table, you spoke, “Go grab the bowls,”

After a few more beats of silence, the two of you found yourselves sitting in front of each other, staring awkwardly at your bowls of fried rice, unsure of what to say. While you really did want to apologize, you weren’t sure of how to approach the topic. You were worried that, if you brought up last night, it’d just end up with the two of you fighting again.

It seemed as thought Shouto had the same idea as you, as he finally spoke up, “I think we should talk about last night,”

Putting down your spoon, you nodded. Glancing up, you noticed the nervous expression on his face, and though you were about to talk about something serious, you couldn’t help but find comfort in the fact that he was just as nervous as you.

“Before we start,” You began, placing your hands in front of yourself, “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry that I got so angry last night. I was bottling up all of my emotions, and instead of just telling you, I let them get the best of me, and I exploded when I didn’t mean to,”

He frowned, moving to take one of your hands in his own, “I’m sorry that I tried to brush off your feelings and got defensive. I was tired and ready to go to sleep, so when you said you wanted to talk, I just snapped.”

You squeezed his hand, offering him a small smile. He returned it almost immediately, holding onto your hand as if you were his anchor. Rubbing his thumb against your knuckles, he gave you a reassuring look.

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t listening last night, but I am now,” He pressed a gentle kiss to the back of your hand, “Tell me what’s going on,”

You felt a pang of anxiety rushing through you, but you pushed through. Even though you felt awful saying it, the two of you didn’t fight just for the fun of it.

“I know that being a hero means the world to you, and I’m so proud of what you do. You constantly put yourself in harms way in order to protect those who can’t save themselves, and I admire that,”

He nodded his head, ushering you to continue, “But?”

“But,” You said, trying to choose your words carefully, “I feel like you put so much of yourself into your work that there’s not enough of you left when it comes to our relationship.”

You smiled sadly at him. “I’m not saying that I should be your number one priority, I know that would be too selfish. I’d just like to be in the top five, you know?”

The frown on his face made you rethink your words. Mirroring his features, you squeezed his hand. It took him a minute to respond, letting your words sink in. Once he found his voice, he spoke, “You shouldn’t feel like you have to settle for the top five,”

He got out of his seat, pushing it closer to you before sitting down once more. This time, he took both of your hands in his, resting his forehead against yours. “I’m sorry for ever making you feel like you weren’t important to me,”

You shook your head, your nose gently bumping against his. “I know you’re busy,”

“Never too busy when it comes to you,”

You found yourself breaking out into a small grin, laughing a bit. Seeing your relaxed figure, Shouto found himself laughing with you, disconnecting his hands from yours in order to place them on your waist, pulling you closer. As you found yourself practically straddling him, you couldn’t help but run a hand through his hair, pressing a light kiss to his forehead. He seemed to relish in your touch, as he leaned closer to you as you pulled away, causing you to let out another stream of giggles.

While the two of you still had to figure out how to manage your schedules, you were finally filled with a sense of comfort and love, one that you hadn’t felt in a long time.

#todoroki shouto #todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto x reader #todoroki shoto x reader #shoto todoroki #todoroki shoto #bnha #mha #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha imagines #mha imagines #boku no hero academia #my hero academia

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the-final-sif · 4 years

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listen i would love to see more of the whole "katsuki's been kidnapped multiple times" bc it's one of my favorite headcanons i've seen for him. i love ppl adding layers to his character and his experiences and i wanna know what you have planned past everyone finding out

Okay, I’m gonna go off of the “they found out after Katsuki was kidnapped again and they only knew that it happened when he finally showed back up to school.” route.

Katsuki gets kinda weirded out by how everyone’s reacting so weirdly, he doesn’t understand why Aizawa is asking him so many questions or making a big deal out of it. Sure, he’s kinda guessed by now that it’s not normal after all, but that doesn’t explain any of this.

They’re in Recovery Girl’s office now, Aizawa has already been fussing at him and gotten a report on his injuries. Recovery Girl is out at the moment but she should be back soon. Katsuki has already tried to argue that he bandaged all his injuries up himself, but the glare he got from his teacher put a stop to that.

Now they’ve moved on to Aizawa questioning him on his previous kidnappings and his teacher just seems to be getting more and more stressed out. Katsuki doesn’t understand what he’s doing wrong, but it’s freaking him out because he’s been rationalizing and dealing with all of this for so long. Finally, he snaps.

“Why do you care?” And he meant it as a sarcastic remark, but Aizawa can hear the tremor in his voice, can see the minute shake of his shoulders, how Katsuki won’t meet his eyes.

“Kid, you got kidnapped. Of course I care about that, I’m your damn teacher and part of my goddamn job is keeping you safe.” He wants to say more, wants to say that Katsuki is a fucking child, and that on it’s own should be reason enough for him to care. That it’s not just a part of his job, he cares about Katuski himself. But Aizawa knows better then to say that. Maybe one day, but not today. Not when Katsuki’s already trembling and exhausted. Not when his pride couldn’t bare the insult of care, of being seen as the child he is.

“I mean, yeah, I guess I can kinda get you asking questions about the shit that went down this weekend, even though I had it under control, but what’s up with asking all these fucking questions about me being stupid when I was younger? None of it matters, I got out, I dealt with it, I learned from my shitty mistakes and I moved on. It doesn’t change anything. I’m fine.”

Sometimes, Aizawa wonders if Katsuki says these things because he genuinely believes them, or if he says them because if he doesn’t, if he didn’t dismiss the pain and shrug off the weight of his fears, then he might shatter under the burden of it all.

“Katsuki,” and that one word holds too much fucking emotion in it for Katsuki to take, he wants to curl into a ball and go to sleep, his heart is still to raw and his brain too messed up from having chains on his wrists and a muzzle forced into his mouth again. “Just because you aren’t dead or maimed doesn’t mean you’re fine. This stuff, it hurts. It leaves scars. I don’t know what the fuck was going on in your childhood that you were left to deal with that by yourself, but you aren’t alone in this anymore, okay?”

It’s been a long fucking weekend, and Katsuki is so tired that he can’t keep his walls up. Not quite. So he doesn’t argue, just ducks his head in a half nod as he tries to pretend there aren’t tears welling up in his eyes.

Aizawa can’t help himself then, he sighs, sitting down beside Katsuki on the bench and slinging an arm over the kid’s shoulders. It’s a gentle motion, a light squeeze, but Katsuki leans into it just a little bit and that’s enough.

Recovery Girl gets there soon after, and Katsuki protests healing at first, he doesn’t have much stamina left and there’s no way he can go back to class afterwards, but Aizawa tells him on no uncertain terms that he is not going back to class today, and so he relents.

That leaves Aizawa with a sleeping teenager who he doesn’t want to leave alone and 19 worried teenagers waiting for him back in his classroom.

In the end he sends Mic to tell them class is canceled today. None of them were going to be able to focus anyways, and they need some time to recover from the shock anyways.

All-Might finds out not too long after that, and his mind flies back to Katsuki on that night when he fought Izuku. He struck suddenly, by how it wasn’t the kidnapping itself that upset Katsuki. It wasn’t the villains that could’ve killed him, could’ve done all sorts of awful and terrible things to him. It was seeing someone else hurt trying to rescue him that upset Katsuki. That he was unable to understand.

Izuku put it together too. They both understand and can’t understand at the same time.

Katsuki wakes up, and he’s still freaked out by how much people care, but he accepts it with time.

Things settle down eventually, they go back to normal, but not really. Not quite. There’s a new normal now.

Katsuki isn’t left alone much anymore. Not unless he’s in his room and he’s kicked everyone else out of it for some peace and quiet. If he’s going out somewhere, it seems at least one of his classmates is following after him. Most often it’s some subset of the bakusquad. If he’s going home it’s almost always Izuku. He’s surprised by how often it’s people outside of that group though. All of his classmates have gone with him at least once. Even though he bitches about it, he doesn’t mind that much.

There’s a new set of rules for students too, when you leave the dorms you give an estimated return time, and if you’re more then an hour late and you don’t text your homeroom teacher to let them know you’re okay, they start looking for you.

Katsuki was annoyed by the new rules until some gen ed kid with a rich family actually got their lives saved by it. It makes the whole system feel less targeted, so he settled down about it.

Aizawa doesn’t follow the kid around, god no, he’s not going to invade a student’s privacy like that, but he makes it more of a point to know where Katsuki is. To know when he’s going home, or just going out.

It quickly becomes apparent and then suspicious to Aizawa that Katsuki never goes home. Even Shouto goes home sometimes, he has siblings he likes to visit apparently. Katsuki doesn’t.

When Aizawa had asked if Katsuki had ever talked about the fact he was kidnapped with his parents, the teenager had laughed. Then quickly shut his mouth when he saw Aizawa’s worried expression. What kind of parents don’t notice their own damn kid going missing? Aizawa had been wondering for months now.

Summer break is coming up, and most of the kids are supposed to go home. Katsuki is one of the few that isn’t excited for it.

After getting approval from Nezu, Aizawa approaches Katsuki two weeks before summer starts. He’s staying at the dorms over the summer, for safety reasons. Aizawa already got approval from his parents. They didn’t even question it. Didn’t seem to care much. Katsuki is wide eyed, but he doesn’t protest, not even his usual bluster. He just agrees, muttering that it’ll be nice to keep up on his training, and that’s that.

It can never be quite that easy though, and that very fucking weekend Katsuki was in such a good mood that he went out with a few of his classmates to the mall. All it took was him getting distracted by something in a shop window, he pauses for a moment to look at it, and then the assholes were on him. Something’s over his mouth, and he’s slipping into blackness.

He wakes up chained up with a headache, and he’s fucking tired, but he knows the drill.

It doesn’t take him long to pick the locks, doesn’t take him long to dispatch the guards and tie them up. Doesn’t take long for him to find the dumbass behind this whole thing and start a fight. Every bone in his body aches, but he keeps fighting.

The whole thing can’t have taken him more then two hours, so he’s fucking shocked when just as he takes a nasty blow to the shoulder, the front door of the place is broken down and there are people rushing in. He’s still kinda drugged out, so it’s surreal for him as suddenly Aizawa is there and has hands on his shoulders, and he’s being steered outside.

His classmates are there. Some of them anyways. Izuku isn’t. He’s apparently inside, having only just been hauled off the now unconscious villain.

It’s like he’s been teleported to a new world, and it’s confusing and strange, the idea that people noticed he was gone. That they cared enough to come get him, when they probably knew he could handle it on his own.

He must’ve said that last bit out loud, Aizawa’s grimacing now.

“Just because you can handle it on your own, doesn’t mean you should have to kid. You deserve some goddamn heroes in your life too. Now sit own here and let the paramedic look you over.”

Katsuki does, he answers the paramedics questions as best he can, and they take some blood and tell Aizawa something about sleeping it off.

Sleeping sounds awfully nice right now.

The adrenaline is fading, and some part of Katsuki screams that he needs to stay awake. That he needs to get himself home or they’ll catch him again. That this is do or die.

But that’s not right. Aizawa’s here. His classmates are here. Other people are here, and for some reason they’re helping him.

Even if Katsuki’s brain is still worried, his body knows it’s safe, that it doesn’t need to keep pushing and pushing anymore, and so he fades out. Trusting for once in his goddamn life that he doesn’t need to save himself. For once in his life, it’s okay to let someone else do that for him.

When he wakes up, he’s in the infirmary, and he can see his classmates scattered around the room, Aizawa in a chair to his side, Mic leaning on Aizawa’s shoulder and All-Might to their left. Everyone’s asleep. It’s like 3 am in the morning.

One deep breath in, one deep breath out. Katsuki lets himself relax on purpose this time, and as he falls back asleep he does it knowing for a damn fact that everything will be okay when he wakes up. He’s not alone anymore.

#katsuki bakugou #dadzawa #aizawa shouta #izuku midoriya #class 1-a #bnha #mha #sif speaks #sif writes #sif answers #my headcanons #man this got long #listen my brain just took hold of the aftermath and would not let go #Anonymous #katsuki's kidnappings

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golbrocklovely · 3 years

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My curiosity is getting the best of me so i wonder, just based on interviews and videos Colby has done where he talks about this ex. Do you think his ex girlfriend whom he was in love with and claimed to be clingy with was the same one he cheated on because it seems like different people to me. In one video he said he felt the relationship ended because he was clingy and couldn't see himself not being around her without his day getting ruined. And he said he was so miserable when it ended he wouldnt leave his room. Basically this relationship consumed him. But the girl he spoke of in Sams vid he said he cheated because you could feel the relationship had run its course and they hadnt really been talking...In this last vid he said he's been heart broken twice so could be different people.

Just a thought and a whole lot of curiosity.

oh my god, sorry this is so long but i have a lot to say (and a little bit of proof maybe????)

it's so weird you bring this up, anon, bc i was literally gonna make a post of tweets colby has made over the years that are about love and whatnot, so i've been in the mood to talk about his love life for a while.

at first, i was more incline to think that the girl he cheated on and the girl he broke up with in 2016 were not the same, bc how can you say you're heartbroken from a relationship that you cheated on, you know?? but now, i do think it's the same girl.

let me explain.

looking at his tweets from 2016, you can tell he is in love bc a lot of them are really sweet and lovey-dovey. the tweets start around feb. and even a little bit before in jan., one of them reading “I like your face, that's why I stare” on feb 22. i think somewhere between feb-apr, he meets this girl and they start dating. he starts tweeting things like “I'll be here for you as long as you're always here for me” on march 22, and “All I see is you”, so you can tell he's already headed straight towards Love-ville, you know lol

what i think happened is that he and this girl were in love with each other, but he loved her a lot more than she loved him. he even claimed that he fell really fast in his previous relationship (which i think is this one). so i think what happened is, he fell for her really quickly, and even though she loved him, it wasn't the same or as much as he loved her. and as he had stated in the 'truth or drink' vid he did with sam, things were going downhill for about two/three months before they broke up. in june he's tweeting things like “I need you, don't let me down” on the 6th, and even “Flaky people ..” on june 27, which could be referring to his gf at the time. that same day even he tweeted “Oh my love, can't you see that you're always on my mind ?”, so i think to some extent it was this back and forth of 'i love you, but you keep pulling away from me and i'm tired/hurt from it'.

i think to some degree, he fell too fast and she was uncomfortable with it. so this is when she was starting to take a step back, maybe asking for space a bit, which is what he meant by when their plans would get cancelled, he would be upset. in july he's tweeting 'You don't understand how much you really mean to me' on the 14th and 'I won't let go' on the 30th. i think he could tell they were drifting apart, but he wasn't ready for it to happen.

by august, and no offense to colby if he ever see this, but he sounded kinda desperate but also really upset. i mean i would too if the person i was in love with was pulling away and i wasn't ready for them to leave (bc who the fuck is ever really ready, you know?). he tweeted “It's all because I care too much” on aug. 3, and “Your forever is all that I need” on aug. 13. he was also talking about needing a mental vacation a bunch, and even saying “Get rid of the people in your life who don't treat you right” by aug. 21. what i think is before he went to new york, his gf and him had a bit of a fall out of some sort, where maybe they said they should go on a break, step away from each other bc things weren't working out.

then, by aug 28, he tweets “Well hey NYC, you're looking beautiful tonight”. the next day he tweeted “"I'm no palm reader, but I doubt that's the sign I was looking for"” so i think somewhere within the those days, he might have cheated. also, no joke, on aug. 31, he tweeted “Protect your heart”, so by then, i think he had made his mind up about the relationship. he also had said in the 'truth or drink' vid, that even tho they were already kinda separated since they weren't really talking or seeing each other anymore, it was still cheating bc they were still technically 'dating' and hadn't broken up.

sept. 1, he tweeted "There's no turning back now". sept. 2, he then said "You know where your heart belongs as soon as you step back and just think. Have time to yourself" and "This trip has taught me so much.", so by this point i think they broke up. a couple days later on the 5th he tweeted "I need a girlfriend who's willing to be my best friend. Someone who cares for me just as much as I care for them. Someone who would go on insane adventures with me, and would wanna see the world. Both committed to each other. 100%. Someone who shows that they TRULY care", and then on the 8th "I can be hard to deal with sometimes. I get into bad moods that seem to change me as a person. I'm working on it. Only getting better", and then finally on the 9th "Someone come keep me company".

so to sum it up quickly, they got together early 2016, he fell really fast while she wasn’t falling as fast, she started pulling away and he got hurt by it, they had a fall out/pause in the relationship, he cheated on a trip, came back, and then they broke up.

hopefully this all makes sense. also, looking at his other tweets after this, you can tell the lovey-dovey feelings he once had weren't really there anymore, and he was a lot more closed off then normal. it took until 2018 for him to start opening a bit up again, but even then nothing fully stuck. personally, i think the other heartache is from before LA, like back when he was in hs, but it could have been something a bit more recent. maybe not someone he technically would have called a gf, but maybe someone he was hoping to be with but things fell thru? not sure entirely.

i also think he got his heartbroken first not by a girlfriend, but by a friend of his before he met sam. there a video where it is briefly mentioned and i honestly think that's why he has some trust issues, or at least that's where it started from. but if you want me to talk about that, just ask since this is already way too long lol

#ask #personal #colby brock #colby if you see this #please don't think i'm crazy lol #and also sorry

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why-this-kolaveri-machi · 4 years

Text

what more can you do?

WOO! this week’s episode was sad and weird and badly paced and startlingly, unevenly mature in true titans fashion. i loved it (with reservations)! let’s talk about it in excruciating detail:

SPOILERS ahead.

1. i can’t say that i’m awfully thrilled about the show following up on a character’s literal suicide attempt by... not addressing said suicide attempt at all. maybe it’s the awkward way an entire episode’s worth of flashback was shoehorned in between the end of 2.07--where dick literally talked jason off the ledge while in the throes of a psychotic break of his own--and the beginning of this one, but it’s honestly not just bad storytelling, but irresponsible storytelling.

1.5. in a general sense, tho, the tableau at the beginning of the episode is so egregiously unfair--so shockingly, plainly one-sided, with a slump shouldered dick facing the world, only kory on his side, that it’s quite apparent that it’s the lowest these heroes can go. and i do think their individual reactions to dick’s confession provide an interesting insight into their characters. hank and dawn have been operating alone for so long, each a reminder of their traumas and losses and very human frailty to the other, without even the resources that dick and the batman enjoy. it’s been them v the world for so goddamn long; is it any wonder that they were looking for the first excuse to bail out of there, to not Deal with the idea that what they were doing to deal with their traumas and guilt was clearly not working, and dick was--and has been always--so willing to be the scapegoat? hank punching dick was utterly unwarranted--but i can accept that as part of the unaddressed emotional outbursts arising out of years of accumulated head injuries from both college football and vigilantism. (this isn’t to excuse what he did but to contextualise it within hank’s history and personality.) their instinct when facing ugly truths is to retreat to what they think is familiar and what they need--except, as hank realises later in the episode, that’s exactly what’s fucking them up further.

rose is understandably upset at being lied to about her brother’s death and the titans being complicit in the same--but i’m curious that her reaction was to merely leave and not try and fight them. maybe after being defeated by dick while sparring and nearly being killed by rachel she was sensible enough to realise that she couldn’t take them on all at once? i don’t know--she’s curiously been a bit of a cipher this season. jason leaving with her made sense tho--unburdened of the weight of being the team’s scapegoat, understandably miffed at dick for keeping a secret that nearly cost him his life and left him with a great deal of trauma, just Angry at the world in general, he gravitates towards rose, the only other outsider/rebel who tried to reach out to him when everybody else shunned him or looked at him like an impostor. i think the decision was more impulsive than anything--they still look confused and uncertain in the taxi as they leave the tower behind. but--i don’t know. theirs is the storyline that i’m the most perplexed about. we just don’t have a lot of information about either of them, rose especially.

(a part of me still thinks she’s slade’s mole in the tower. but why would she leave if she is? to keep up appearances bc to react in any other way to the news of her brother’s death would be suspicious? maybe she left because her job is done and the titans were splitting up? maybe she was part of the long game to seduce jason over to slade’s side--seeking revenge for dick swaying jericho over to the titans’? am i going to stop asking myself questions in this post? am i ever going to write a review that’s not just stream-of-consciousness nonsense? only time will tell.)

DONNA. oh, donna. her decision to leave seems to me a logical continuation of her s2 arc that i’d talked about in a previous review--paranoid, insecure, retraumatised, and taking out her frustrations on jason and dick. it’s also very interesting to me that she complained to rachel about dick treating them like “soldiers” and only told them things that he deemed that they “need[ed] to know.” it was because of jillian and whatever mysterious business that themyscira was conducting in sf that she and garth and slade ever landed up in that airport at all; even worse, jillian deemed it was something that donna didn’t need to know until it was too late. donna lost so much in that fiasco--the man she loved, her friends, several members of her amazon family, and her sense of purpose, her belief in her strength and her destiny and her faith that other people trusted her as a warrior and as a leader. she’s projecting all that pain onto dick--who again, doesn’t deserve all this shit but takes it anyway because of his own issues.

1.8. and, like. as much as jericho’s death became the Traumatic Event that overshadowed almost everything else in dick’s life for the last five years and helps explain a lot of his hang-ups right from s1, it just doesn’t have the same significance for the others. don’t get me wrong--i’m sure hank, donna and dawn are devastated and guilty about the part that they had to play in manipulating jericho and his eventual death. but their issues with each other, with the titans tower and with their past run deeper and in different directions, and i think all of that came into play when they each decided to go their separate ways.

1.95. idek what the fuck is going on with rachel. i felt every ounce of dick’s heartbreak and devastation when she got up to leave with donna. for all that she saved dick in the first episode of this season, she still hasn’t reached the point where she’s willing to unburden her emotions and issues on him. it must be frustrating and sad for her to realise just how much dick didn’t trust her either. but there’s something else going on as well: maybe she’s realised she has no real control over her re-emerging powers, and, carrying on with the fatalistic attitude she had at the end of 2.05, she wants to spare the titans the chaos and darkness that she carries around with her. (she’s used to running away at this point, after all.) she goes with donna bc donna knows her the least: it would therefore be easy to fool her and escape.

2. more faddei! and kory backstory! \o/

it’s curious that they never once bring up trigon, because s1 gave the impression that she’d come to earth with a specific mission to seek his portal out and destroy it before he could, y’know, Fuck The Universe Up. faddei makes it sound like kory just went on this fun little sabbatical before taking up royal duties, which kiiinda undercuts a lot of what was cool about her s1 arc. i realise you aren’t entirely happy with your freshman season, titans, and s2 looks like it might be a soft reboot, but you don’t have to mutilate it like this!

but seriously. the stakes just got upped exponentially for kory, and it would be really interesting to see where she goes from here. apart from a promise to rachel, she doesn’t really owe the rest of the titans anything--not that i think she views relationships in such transactional terms, of course. on the other hand, abandoning her responsibilities on tamaran has led to its takeover by an unfit leader and the deaths of several of her family and friends. the choice shouldn’t be a choice at all. she should go back home. and yet--she waited too long, and the choice has been taken away from her. faddei is dead, both of their ships are destroyed, and she is stuck on earth, grieving and frustrated and furious. kory is usually very clear headed about exactly where she stands emotionally, but after such a big event, she must be feeling so much pain, guilt, sorrow, anger, even resentment. it’s so easy to look at kory’s level-headedness and open, empathetic personality and use her to prop up other characters, but i hope that this isn’t always the case, and that she’ll be allowed to really work through these emotions while somebody else looks out for her.

2.35. (the little snippets of faddei and kory just enjoying the shit out of the Little Things that humanity has to offer is just... it filled me with so much warmth. i wouldn’t mind an entire episode of them just chilling and exploring and annoying each other with badly-applied out-of-context pop culture references)

2.5. blackfire! i don’t know much about comics!blackfire beyond “she was starfire’s sister, Evil, and possibly sold her sister into slavery??? yikes” so i’m just going purely off what the show has revealed about her so far. it was honestly disconcerting to see so many references to her possible disability (?) and to see both that and the efforts to accommodate her spoken about in... i want to say mocking way? i don’t know. i just saw a murder mystery/thriller movie today where the serial killer was revealed to have been both disabled from birth and mentally ill, and maybe i’m just feeling extra sensitive to the truly disturbing and pervasive trope of having disabled characters be Evil--and tying their Evil to their disability.

2.8. anyhow, blackfire appears to have accumulated a fair bit of power in the time that kory’s been gone: not only can she remotely possess other tamaraneans but she can blow up their ships too. (and didn’t faddei say that she had goons on the ground, looking for starfire?)

2.9. it’s a Lot to deal with this late in the season. maybe kory will leave for tamaran to deal with blackfire once and for all at the end of the season. and if titans ends up cancelled, wouldn’t that be a bittersweet ending.

(wherein ‘bittersweet’ translates to ‘devastating’ ofc)

3. oh where do i even start with dick

his worst fears came true. after his confession, not only did his old friends up and leave, but so did rachel and jason, which he found more heartbreaking than anything else. utterly consumed by guilt and convinced more than ever before of his culpability, he actively seeks out ways to self-flagellate, first by going to adeline to apologise, then by banishing himself, then by making sure he is punished (tho i have my doubts on that last one; will elaborate a little later). after watching him have an extended psychotic break and dash into not one but two suicide missions, watching dick grayson do this to himself feels like watching an extended feature on human suffering. it’s not fun, or pretty, and i can feel it reaching its nadir so that dick can bounce back up again, but i hope it happens soon.

(dick’s natural tendency to internalise guilt and responsibility into a hard little diamond core at his centre and his long training with batman with all the emphasis on secrets and subterfuge with a healthy underpinning of paranoia ironically means that he does so much goddamn emotional labour for this team. he’s the glue that keeps them together, that gives them purpose. he’s trying so hard to do good by everybody that he isn’t really able to achieve it with any of them, which leads to another self-flagellating spiral and him determining to try harder and the cycle just keeps going on. only kory seems to have ever broken this cycle, because she’s never demanded anything of him, nor he of her. it’s really sad to think how bereft dick feels right now, and more than that, how it’s stopping him from being there for the people who really do need him and trust him, like gar and rachel.)

3.25. adeline makes a very good point about how merely apologising doesn’t mean you’re owed forgiveness, and that seeking it out after all these years is a self-serving exercise in itself. but i can see dick taking it hard, especially after discovering that she’s letting slade--the man who actually killed her son--recuperate at her home. (and let’s be clear: however good her intentions, she participated in lying to her child about the truth of what his father actually does. wow, jericho was really just fucked over by pretty much every one he loved, wasn’t he?)

but i am glad to see dick isn’t so far gone that he takes the blame for jericho’s death in front of slade. he’s very aware that slade has permanently broken the team and very aware of the threat slade poses if they ever try to get back together again, but he’s not going to completely surrender every last shred of his self-worth and dignity to this man, and that was refreshing to see.

3.5. so he banishes himself to the farthest place he can think of with nothing more than the shirt on his back and a single duffel bag. it’s so over-the-top yet so... dick grayson.

3.8. BUT WAIT! ~PLOT TWIST~

ok so here’s what’s happening, all right? strap in:

a) jericho is one hundred percent inside slade. i have no doubts about this. adeline knows this too. it’s why she was so even-keeled while talking to dick, why she confidently said that jericho loved dick, and why she said “they” might be willing to forgive him. i’m thinking when slade crawled back home, jericho took advantage of his father’s momentary weakness to tell what was happening to his mother.

b) jericho tried to communicate to dick. i saw something somewhere which said that slade had gestured something very specific in asl while conversing with dick? i’m willing to believe that was intentional.

c) when dick was turning to leave and slade called him one last time and gave his “banishment sentence” jericho likely jumped bodies from slade to dick

d) so why did dick get himself arrested at the airport?

- dick was going through, as others have speculated, a dissociative episode. given how he’s exhibited signs of mental illness throughout this season this isn’t that far out of the realm of possibility, but it’s a weak and redundant narrative bridge and wasn’t shot in a way that suggested that it was a mental break. so i’m ruling this out.

- jericho took over. maybe he felt that this was the only way he could force dick to stay in sf. maybe some of his father’s anger/resentment leeched into him and he wanted to dick to experience some actual punishment instead of scarpering again. maybe he was overwhelmed by dick’s own self-flagellating tendencies and chose the shortest route to maximum pain. maybe it’s a combination of all three.

- dick finally got his brain into gear and realised at the last minute that jericho had possessed slade and was trying to tell him something. why he then proceeded to get himself arrested instead of running out of the airport is a mystery.

personally, i’m leaning towards the ‘jericho possessed dick’ possibility.

4. gar is such a sweetheart and i am so glad that he took centrestage this episode, even though, like always, it was to support another character and ended up with him crying and begging for help from an unresponsive dick. *sighs*

4.5. much like dick himself, he’s trying to do good by everybody, only to end up badly misjudging a situation, and all alone.

5. oof. this has gone on for far too long and i am Tired. more thoughts to come later, because right now my brain is as disorganised as... as disorganised as a titans episode. hah! self-burn!!!

#titans #titans spoilers #dick grayson #koriand'r #garfield logan #hank hall #dawn granger #donna troy #rachel roth #slade wilson #meta #aaaah this is 2.6k+ words long I'M SORRY

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jamaisjoons · 4 years

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hi, ive read anyone's posts and from what i see everyone is hurt. i see there's a misunderstanding about how statements constructions are being worded. i assume that english is not everyone's first language no? it's understandable that feelings can come across as apathetic because english language lacks words that describes proper adverbs/adjectives. however anyone just justifies their hurt feelings. i admit that apology sounded like a damage control. it's just reni, moon and audge i believe +

+ ur other admins shouldn’t have jumped in like that because it added to the burn, it feels like ur admins r ganging up on moon and audge just bc they didn’t accept the apology (pls correct me if im wrong) and they have every right to do so. i know that u and ur admins r coming to defend reni in a place of love, but this is not ur battle to pick. please clear this out, don’t just leave things without closure. let us leave cancel culture and allow everyone to grow. give the benefit of the doubt. + im sorry if this came across like a hate message but i genuinely want to have them reconciled. i adore each and every authors involved in these. i do believe that all of you are a good person and this is just a misunderstanding.

———–

Okay so I know I said I wouldn’t post anything more about it, but maybe I wasn’t clear enough in my original post so I’ll respond to this and this only. And the only reason I’m doing so is to clarify what I said and nothing else. Again, these are my feelings and you literally don’t have to read them if you don’t want or even agree with them. Hell, choose to ignore them if you want too.

Also, tw, but there are brief mentions of a panic attack here.

So, like, I never said their feelings weren’t justified and if you read my post, I actually outright state that Moon and Audge’s feelings are completely acceptable and 100% valid. More than that I also say that if they don’t want to accept their apology, they don’t have to because really no one who has been hurt has to ever accept an apology and I’ll firmly stand by that. Even if Reni and Jane’s apology was made sincerely, under no circumstances are they actually obligated to accept it and that’s okay!! They don’t have to at all! So no, I’m not mad or ‘ganging up’ on them because they didn’t accept the apology — especially when, again, I clearly say in my post that they don’t have to.

What I am mad about is this has somehow become less about the fact that Reni and Jane made an honest mistake and tried their hardest to correct it and somehow more about the fact that Reni has opinions about BTS and that she’s ‘bashing’ on them when she isn’t and that the MSN admins are all bad people when they aren’t. If it was honestly only about the fact that Moon and Audge were upset by the conversation about weight, there was literally no reason for Moon to post a conversation about musical opinions - that too not even a full conversation but certain screenshots that make it look (to me) like it was just Reni participating and saying inflammatory comments about their music. Again, in my post, I link to a document with almost the entire conversation (parts were deleted due to safewording).

Like I mentioned, you don’t need to agree with what Reni or Cris or Lillia say (I don’t) but there are literally 0 reasons to be offended by it either because a) it happened in a private conversation where BTS wouldn’t ever see it in the first place and b) THEY’RE OPINIONS. NO ONE HAS TO AGREE WITH THEM AND THEY’RE NOT ABOUT YOU PERSONALLY. If this was literally just about the apology and the conversation about weight, I wouldn’t have even gotten involved in the first place really, because again, like I said, I don’t believe the conversation that happened was appropriate, I think Moon and Audge’s feelings of hurt are valid on it, and I don’t think they have to accept an apology if they don’t want to. Except it’s not just about that anymore.

But also, I didn’t jump in because I’m an admin lmfao and neither did Sora. This doesn’t have anything to do with the FWL and everything to do with the fact that Reni, Jane, Bette and Emma are my friends, and as my friends, I’m obviously not just going to sit by and let people hate them for no reason.

I spoke because firstly) when Moon and Audge made this public by posting, they opened it up to the entirety of Tumblr which means anyone can comment on it. It’s not fair that you’re asking Sora and I or any of Reni, Jane, Emma or Bette’s friends to stay out of it when it’s now become a public matter with a bunch of other people commenting on it too - and also actively sending my friends hate and harassing them for a mistake that they’re honestly apologetic about.

Secondly) whether I choose to get involved or not is of my own volition and as I said in my post, they’re my personal feelings and in no way did anyone had to agree with them. Hell, you don’t even have to read them if you don’t want because they’re all under a read more cut anyway. Anyone can literally choose to scroll past the posts and stay out of it if they want to.

Thirdly) I don’t think it’s fair for you to assume their apology was damage control when it wasn’t. I was actually speaking to Reni and Jane while the situation was happening - not afterwards - while. And I know from personal experience that they’re honestly really upset about it. Hell, (tw: panic attack) I had to calm Reni down from a panic attack because she was that upset she let something like this happen (end of tw). But again, those are your opinions and these are mine, so if you think it sounds like damage control fair enough and you’re entitled to it.

Fourthly) I literally have nothing against Moon and Audge personally, I just think they chose to handle this incredibly poorly (then again, it’s their blog and they’re entitled to post whatever they want, but also they, and anyone else, shouldn’t really be surprised when it becomes a huge thing and other people get involved) but I don’t hate them or anything myself and I don’t think anyone should. Just as I don’t think anyone should be hating Reni, Bette, Jane or Emma. Cancel culture is stupid on either side, especially when no one is reading all posts (and why I linked every post involved in the first place), making baseless assumptions without all the information, and when everyone’s feelings who are involved with this situation are completely valid.

I agree that it’s a misunderstanding and honestly I really just want to see it end myself but honestly, when you post something like this on tumblr publicly, I don’t know what else anyone expects than a bunch of useless drama that’s only going to be inflamed more and more by people getting involved without having the whole story. Though, I really hope it dies soon, and it’s definitely dead on my blog from after this ask.

Lmfao I’m going to end this with I’m sorry if it comes off really harsh, I don’t mean to and I’m not mad or angry at you for sending me this ask at all. It’s just really frustrating to see my friends getting put through the wringer and being harassed for something that’s an honest mistake, and for things they shouldn’t be harassed by in the first place (Reni’s opinions on BTS and their music). Reni, Jane, Emma and Bette aren’t bad people, they’re lovely human beings and I’m so glad I’m friends with them and I just hate seeing them hurt like this with people thinking the worst of them just because of one mistake that was never intentionally malicious in the first place (and yet everyone seems to think that it was). Again this is all I’m going to say on this but I really am going to move on. We literally have so many bigger problems to face right now and the fact that we’re wasting our time on this is honestly ridiculous imo.

#chimney discourse #i'm using janie's tags here ᵘʷᵘ #the nameless #asks

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the-quiet-winds · 5 years

Text

Make a Move Just to Stay in the Game (part three)

hello and welcome to the new chapter!

in unrelated news, guess who just made a big fuckup at 8:30am! me. so have the chapter bc i’m upset. @ichlugebulletsandcornnuts i hope you’re having a better day than me.

also we love an ass in this story, so they are here, and they are horrible, and try to say / do horrible things.

[part one] - [part two]

[Part 3: I Can See the Pain in Your Eyes]

over the course of the next week, jane can hardly keep up with katherine.

parr is rigorous and thorough with her lessons, but never hesitates to answer any questions or explain something again.

they generally spend the mornings on latin and arithmetic, then history, trade studies, and latin again after lunch.

by the end of her first week with parr, katherine is breezing through paragraphs in latin, translations easy and nearly perfect every time.

mid-way through the second week, however, their second latin lesson of the day was cancelled.

“her majesty told me you’ve taken some music lessons before, is that true?”

katherine nods half heartedly, knowing that those lessons didn’t contain a whole lot of actual music. she fights a shudder at the thought of them.

“i reached out to some of my colleagues for a new music teacher, and one jumped at the opportunity. i think they should be here any minute-“

“good afternoon lady parr, lady katherine.” a suave voice greets, sending immediate chills down katherine’s spine. she’d know that voice anywhere.

low and behold, tall and dark henry mannox strolls through the door, a horn in one hand and a leather folder of papers in the other.

katherine prays he doesn’t recognize her, but he catches her eyes and winks, and she knows he does.

katherine jumps out of her chair, backing away. she doesn’t care how her behaviour seems to parr right now, all she cares about is getting as far away from mannox as possible.

“parr, i would like to leave,” she says, quietly and evenly, taking all her restraint not to scream or cry. parr looks incredibly concerned, glancing between mannox and katherine, clearly sensing katherine’s discomfort.

“is everything okay, lady katherine?” she asks. mannox waves a hand.

“i’m sure lady katherine is just nervous.”

“don’t,” katherine practically hisses. she doesn’t wait for permission, instead running from the room as fast as she can. months ago, perhaps, she might have stayed out of fear, but now she has someone who understands what she’s been through and won’t make her go back there with him.

katherine bursts into jane’s bedchamber with a clatter, surprising the queen.

“kat? what’s the matter?” jane takes a second look at katherine and her face drops immediately, seeing the distraught look on katherine’s features. “oh, love, come here.” she opens her arms and katherine flies into them, clinging to jane as tightly as she can.

“he- it’s him-” she manages to get out before bursting into tears, no longer needing to hold them in while jane is here. jane’s heart sinks as katherine’s words dawn on her; there were only a few people katherine would refer to as ‘him’, and none of them were good news.

parr was dumbfounded. katherine's reaction to mannox was visceral and nearly painful to watch. would her colleagues really have recommended someone that...bad?

she decides to follow katherine to the only logical place she could be going. mannox follows, and parr can't tell him no. maybe if katherine is properly introduced to him, then all will be well.

they enter the queen's chambers to find katherine holding onto jane like a lifeline. jane sees them enter.

"your majesty," parr starts, hesitance evident in her normally confident voice, "i did not intend to upset lady katherine. my associates recommended mister mannox here as a music tutor, and-"

jane doesn't hear the rest of parr's explanation. mannox is an instant trigger in her head, aided by katherine's increased trembling in her arms. she remembers a vague story of tiny eleven year old katherine and thirty six year old mannox and her face hardens.

"mister mannox," she begins with the regality of a queen, "i request you leave the premises at once."

mannox gives a low bow in an attempt to cover up his sliminess with a veneer of courtesy. “your majesty, i don’t know what you have been told, but-”

“mister mannox,” jane repeats, even firmer this time. “you will leave the premises right now, or I will have you escorted out by my guards.” she holds katherine even tighter, letting the girl cling to her and sob desperately into her shoulder. “i will not repeat myself again.”

parr realises there’s something more going on here, something she wasn’t aware of before, and she feels absolutely terrible to have played a part in it, no matter how unwittingly.

"your majesty," mannox tries to appeal again, "i don't entirely know what you were told by little kat-"

"don't you dare," jane absolutely seethes, "address the ward of the queen in such a way." she fixes him with a glare most murderous and then looks to parr. "if you wouldn't mind finding a few guards on patrol, lady parr, i think mister mannox here has some trouble with which way the door is," she says, voice sickly sweet and deadly sarcastic.

parr nods and steps into the hall. the absence of one more person causes katherine to cling to jane tighter. her hand finds the back of katherine's neck, teasing some of the hairs in what jane has found to be one of her most soothing measures.

"mister mannox," she says again, "you are very lucky that i am not trying you for what i know you have done to my ward. but if you ever step back on the land of any single royal property, i will ensure you are prosecuted to the fullest extent of our laws."

mannox’s face twists into a kind of snarl, but before he can say or do anything parr arrives, followed by two guards.

“escort this man off the premises immediately,” jane says coldly. “and make sure to it that everyone knows he is not to be permitted back.” the guards nod and take hold of mannox’s arms, pulling him roughly from the room. the door closes behind them, leaving jane, katherine and parr in silence.

katherine doesn’t let go of jane, even now, but her breathing evens out slightly now that mannox had been removed. jane continues to soothe her gently, whispering soft reassurances to her. parr hovers awkwardly near the doorway, unsure of what to do.

jane holds her close, katherine hiding her tear-stained face in the crook of jane's neck. it feels like forever before jane's quiet words and slow ministrations to her hair are enough to lower her heart rate back to where it should be.

"let me say," parr begins quickly, hands nervously fiddling with the material of her dress, "how incredibly sorry i am about whatever i just caused." she gulps. "i didn't know anything about him or his past, and i deeply regret not having done more research before bringing him in." in a bold move, she steps forward and puts a very light hand on katherine's shoulder. "i am very, very sorry, lady katherine."

katherine flinches ever so slightly and parr immediately drops her hand, looking regretful.

“i understand if you wish to remove me from my post,” she says quietly. “i failed in my duty of care, and for that i will never forgive myself.” she turns away, making her way to the door. “i shall collect my things and escort myself out.”

she’s halfway towards the door when a very quiet croak of a voice reaches her ears.

“don’t go.”

parr turns around to see that katherine had shifted slightly. she was still clinging to jane, but her head had turned to face her at a slightly awkward angle. katherine’s eyes were red and her cheeks tearstained, but she held parr’s gaze surprisingly firmly.

“please, i- i don’t want you to leave.”

parr’s gaze flits from katherine to jane, who is strangely silent. she seems to be letting katherine make the decision entirely, and considering what parr knew about jane, it was very likely this was the case.

parr nods once, hesitantly. "if that's what you wish, lady katherine."

katherine looks at her again, eyes red yet surprisingly tender. "please."

parr gives a small half-smile. "of course i will stay here, lady katherine." she looks to jane, who gives the solemnest and tiniest nod. "i won't leave, as long as you'd like me here."

katherine's lips twitch upward before she turns back to jane, letting the woman hold her, fingers lightly stroking up and down her back.

"i've got you, kitty-kat," jane murmurs very quietly. she kisses her temple. "mum's got you."

parr feels as if she’s intruding on the moment, but she stands dutifully as she was asked as jane reassures katherine. after a long while they finally break apart and jane retrieves a handkerchief, gently wiping away the tear tracks from katherine’s face. when she’s finished she places a quick kiss on the tip of katherine’s nose which makes the girl giggle slightly, even with her voice still hoarse from tears.

there was a rather large elephant in the room; parr, of course, didn’t know why anything had just happened, and she honestly wasn’t sure if she was going to get an answer. she certainly wasn’t going to pry into their business if katherine and jane didn’t want to tell her.

jane is immensely relieved when katherine calms down without too much more of an incident. katherine’s episodes of panic could be violent and destructive, no matter what jane did to help. but she knows that katherine knows, deep down, that she will never have to go with men like mannox again, and none of the will be able to hurt her. not while jane is around.

jane catches parr lingering by the door, feeling very out of place, and leans in close to katherine. “you’re under no obligation to explain, love,” jane says seriously. “it’s completely up to you what you want to do.” she turns her head slightly to kiss katherine’s cheek. “i’m with you always, kitty-kat.”

katherine nods silently, voice not quite recovered yet. she’s exhausted from such intense emotions of fear and then sudden relief, and she doesn’t quite want to let go of jane just yet. jane seems to realise this and sits down on the couch, gently pulling katherine with her. katherine curls up, almost on jane’s lap, as jane keeps holding her and playing softly with her hair. katherine turns slightly to look at parr.

“could-” her voice is hoarse and croaky, and she coughs to clear it. “could you sit down, please?” she rests her head against jane’s shoulder as parr hurried over to sit down on the chair opposite, her normally calm demeanour not having returned quite yet.

katherine looks ashen, very shaken up, and emotionally drained. kat asks herself if this is really the right way to go about this, but she does it anyway. the quick version, at least.

“before i started working here,” she starts, voice thick and heavy with clinging-on emotion and rasp. “when i was much younger, mannox was my teacher.” she coughs and continues. “he didn’t teach me much music, he was more focused on...” she shudders a bit, and jane strokes over her hair again, “...other things.”

parr’s face fell into confusion, then almost instantly into utter horror. “oh.” the word is spoken barely as a exhale of breath. katherine weakly nods her head.

katherine can’t say any more, can’t bring herself to go into any more detail, but she doesn’t need to. parr’s look of absolute heartbreak shows she’s understood every word.

“lady katherine,” she says, voice laden with sorrow. “i am so, so sorry. i should never have brought him here, and i will never do anything of the sort again.”

katherine is too emotionally drained to reply properly, but she can tell from parr’s compassionate eyes that she believes her story and actually doesn’t blame her. it’s strange, she thinks, to go her whole life without a single person who didn’t blame her, and now she has apparently found not just one, but two.

#six the musical #six musical #jane seymour #katherine howard #catherine parr #julie and jess write #make a move just to stay in the game #hold onto me you're all i have

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yuissamidare · 5 years

Text

@codes i think i may have put this on my artblog but... Here

i guess ill start w ichi bc i always forget about him somehow like i always come up short when im making lists and im like 'oh wait shit yeah that guy’ bc im stupid n i only think of fishing trio + choro. I’m an Idiot. idk i never thought too hard on ichi bc i so rarely think about him but he looks so high its really funny i said this on main but he looks like my friend when he decided to try a weed gummy bear then started babbling about hentai then watched to watch porn with me but got mad all the intro scenes are a billion years long and started ranting about the industry but now that i think about it he looks like someone who used to send me weird shit when he was high like bad pick up lines about body parts i wish i didnt have

and thats so funny that its Ichimatsu who looks like that but also proof that hes high. but anyway!! hes really cute and im mad hes boutta ruin my reputation for my complete and utter lack of care and interest in him no matter what im mad. my friend gwyn said 'Sp lubing us up for the fuckening that is the reason why Ichi is sad in present day’ im really curious at the change like if hes trying a fake it till you make it type thing bc really emotionally exhausted or if hes just genuinely having a good time or hes puttin on a front since like. nails who stand get hammered down right??? just gotta do your best n Never Relax n i can relate to all that. but uhhh old hcs i guess

in kun ichi was the most serious! really smart but just as bad w school as the rest of them apparently but!! yeah so id think that!! ichis that guy who participates in class discussion constantly and is always willing to debate the readings, but turns in sloppy papers with typos and no a coherency or stucture or anything. he’s A+ in participation but has an average of 60% on most of the written assignments with points knocked bc of lateness then more bc its A Mess. you could ask about the prompts for one of his papers, he could babble about his position on it complete with paragraphs and footnotes but like the day before its due hes playing rpgs and watching horror movies.

his classmates think hes so smart n so intimidating. the family knows hes a hot mess. the teachers tell him he has a lot of potential but they don’t think hes applying himself. all are right. also he doesnt cheat or let people cheat off of him since hes always been about rules and boundaries and Rightness n he n jyushi were the only ones who Minded Themselves in kun

uhh jyushi!! let me talk about schoolwork again bc yeah i love jyushi so so so so much and thinking of him in a school environment is so weird i thought about it a lot n i thought about it him in kun n san and Woah!! i really really love delinquent jyushi, bc when i saw that i was like 'huh! that fits actually!!’ i love that like him and choro flip flopped completely from what i thought. his school must be so cold theyre too cheap to afford heating in the winter and in summer the acs Blast. he was so Shy and quiet and he cried and he liked to sing so i always thought that when he participated in chorus festivals hes always like right in front!! he hums a lot in class and also moves around alot bc he actually like school and people like primary trio are the types that make friends often. i wasnt supposed to talk about this yet whoops.

unlike ichi who relatively neat despite everything but has shit notes, jyushis notes are amazing and understandable and utterly illegible.

theyre covered in doodles, arrows and lines leading every which way, different colors but not like color coded n theyre not in order by date, but he opens to a random page every time yet somehow always seems to know where to find each lesson. he writes footnotes and caveats and corrections and criticisms of the teachers and random thoughts and just smears ink everywhere. sometimes his notes are on a completely different subject. the notebook itself is a horrifying mess, the front and back covers both covered in drawings and designs and falling apart, random papers shoved between the pages, coming apart at the seams, covered in stains of unknown origin. assignments are full of emoticons and informal language, and they always manage to make his teachers feel like hes smarter than they are (most likely). he does his projects the minute theyre assigned, and is finished a minute later so can talk to his friends. he loved school.

sophie told me once about how she thought was Like That was bc one of his main concerns is that he thought he had nothing that made him Jyushi n in kun she said he might have been the one who was the most concerned about having a distinctive personality and i talked about how that sorta carried over san and how he always blended in bc of how gentle and soft and push-overy he was. he was actually the and most gullible and weakest in kun so i was like :0 when i saw that and intentionally did stuff like only carry 14 yen in his pockets to be quirky but it always sorta fell flat and he was still invisible so i was like hmmmmm. and i can see how he couldve toughened up and thinking of this now!! i love that. oh im so happy. this is so much better than i ever couldve imagined ever.

totty…. i do not think he was very popular or good at school. i think he’s very decent at schoolwork but he never put much effort into it. just copies whats on the board but if the class runs out of allotted lesson time n he couldnt finish his work he just didnt do it like cram schools a pain in the ass. if he put effort hed be a star student but he just craps out whatever since hes was the laziest!! oh but something i noticed was that him and jyushi would play together often since sometime he felt overwhelmed by karamatsu a lot. also hes the money thief and scammer its great kun todo is so good. he gets shy and flustered easy too!!

but uhh yeah!! depending on the day im always like 'zaimoku love each other so much they are best friends and the perfect other halves!!’ then im like 'these mofos hate each other what the fuck is this trainwreck’ did you see their shitty small talk in the horse episode. what was that. like they are genuinely trying to communicate and are pretty easy with each other but they have nothing to say. its like when youre having a boring day at school and theres nothing to talk about with an acquaintance so you just look at the walls and go 'have you ever noticed how stupid these posters are’ then you both start reading posters aloud but you both know its not that funny and youre just doing it to waste time but you still enjoy their company you just dont want silence. thats their relationship. and i think they are just very similar in very different ways and like. the key things that make them both similar and different and the same fuck them up (like suiriku!! theyre both really similar even if it doesn’t seem like it at first which is why their compatibility in the relationship chart was so low in s1, but i saw a lot of improvement in both of their behaviours and their communication and honestly. s2 was worth it for that sophie was so happy to see her faves get along) like sometimes when you look in the mirror all the things you see are the things you dont like about yourself instead of what makes you wonderful and unique. also i didnt mean to talk about this but i guess i am.

but yeah. totty is bitter n resentful at kara during hs n karas more confused and upset at tottys behaviour in their twenties n thats bc like i said. theyre dumb. karamatsu!! i think was actually pretty popular in highschool n had a good amount of friends - i genuinely think theatre kids are well liked bc i literally know everyone in my department and im friends w a good amount of people and im not even That extroverted. my actual extrovert friends know everyone in the school by name and everyone in my department is so nice even though theres a lot of bitchiness and drama its not as bad as w other humanities studies (jesus christ humanity students outside of theatre are a hot mess.)

uh yeah n that ultimately makes totty feel a bit… betrayed? karamatsu is his partner! theyre supposed to be there for eachother! kara’s the first one to branch out, get friends etc etc and todomatsus left behind bc hes always the one playimg follow the leader and he breaks out of that once they graduate - he grows up resenting karamatsu slightly though he still cares. but this time Hes the one cancelling plans to hang out with friends instead. my friend katie put it best when, in response to me telling them this, they sent me:

'kara: totty you have so many friends now. We barely see you anymore.

totty, applying chapstick: well, I learned it from the best.’

when i told them about it. but at the time gwyn and i were babbling about possibilities and different storylines and how theres a possiblity the movie might break down into three manageable plotlines n she gave zaimoku 'popularity’ and this was me throwing out ideas but honestly. Good. (aha, the end of this scenario ended up with todo throwing hands and shoulder checking someone outside a window and then getting removed from the premise n hanging with atsushi all night after) why am i on this. shit what happened here.

uhh but yeah totty is Def someone with learned behaviours rather than being a natural extrovert honestly just look at him hes an introverted mess masquerading as a decent human being and i know full well how people like that are bc some of them have been my best friends for years n seein the new hs promos solidifies that fact bc look at him. Crybaby. He is Miniscule. A Child.

then its 'delinquent who looks like an honour student’ choro. i never studied him until sophie started liking choro n since i love sophie i wanted to take an interest in him too. n i started to think very hard about him! then gwyn planted this in me n its taken root and im just never not gonna think its great. yall see his shitty gokudo impression what a bossy lil shit. he pulled a whip on kara once and it was mad funny but also Gwyns Big Evidence for him just being the absolute worst not like a casually skips class type but a Choro was a legit a bully and really mean n sabatoged other classmates to make him look like he was 100% That Bitch. maybe not him being Mean and cruel but just an asshole who bums around, is something i really like that one a lot its been one of my faves since gwyn n i started talking about it but i just!! have a ton of other things too!!

hes a lot like karamatsu in that theyre both stupid and weird and embarrassing and they put on airs but they also!! dont try!! they talk so big and such high goals n expectations and they dont do shit bc they have so much hubris but i always talk about them bc suiriku is sophies Beloved so ill like. Not. but he acts like he’s better than all of them n forces the role of the straight man on himself because he wants to be seen as the responible, level headed one even if hes just. So Much.

i think the movies calling back to how touchy feely and clingy he was in kun and adding on to how jyushis a delinquent and kara… Is Like That he’ll be around them the most bc jyushi might either be really protective or push him away and then they do something to mend their relationship later on or hell cling to kara and they just. grow apart. sticking to my hc until the end bitches. oh.

for choro… personally!! i thought hed be a slacker instead of a delinquent but not in the way totty slacked - totty was lazy n knew the work but didnt want to put in effort but choro just. Doesnt. choro has so much energy all the time and choro Can Not deal with school situations. bc like… you always hear people say that studying is meant to be done at the desk, silently, no distractions what so ever!! focus on notes and nothing else!! ise a highlighter but dont use it too much!! make your notes legible but you only have five minutes before the board gets erased!! review!!! look at your notes or youll die! take breaks bit dont take too long and honestly. listen. kun choro wouldnt be able to stand that shit and id think hed just think he was doing it The Wrong Way n he just wasnt meant to do it.

he doesnt like quiet classrooms!! he cant study like that and hell get distracted. he cant sit still n thats why totoko broke up w him in the beer ad and why hes just Everywhere in kun!! hes understimulated and its just Ugh! you know??? he’ll fidget w his pens until he breaks them or hum or tap his foot and annoy everyone or leave for the bathroom at least three times a class just to get up and move.

eventually he just. gives up even though hes super smart he like, stops caring bc if you dont care to understand material then you wont have to read and read and reread and rereread something to get it! classes just make everything uncomphrehensible and makes any idea he may have sublimate into nothing. but he can work on the trains and the buses! he needs something kenetic to get him moving and trains n shit always have enough going on to work with, just like with home!! chorochoro motherfuckers. he works much better moving forward, ironic as that is. he feels sorta set apart from every thing like hes behind some big plane of glass doing everything wrong and being all set apart from everything. eventually he takes to acting like a real fussy mom to avoid his own problems and help everyone else out even though hes annoying and even when he graduates but it gets Worse bc then figures out how much!!! he fucked up!! then he kicks himself into high gear n still cant do shit. ahh.

its illegal for me to talk about choukei bc i talk about them so much and im always being annoying n typing stupid essays about them bc theyre… my faves.. But this is so long…

it actually makes me super happy that he kara acne he still can be really fighty and he cries and he still does stupid impulsive shit for others and even though hes really sweet and caring is still an utter monster and fucking mess of a person. love him. i always like to think his shittymatsu nickname came from iyami n it just morphed from there bc in 66 you can hear iyami calling him specifically garbage. ive always been glad they kept his sewing hobby too. ahh, actually from what i see hes pretty similarities to kun so i wonder when he decided to air out that teremity. idk what to say about him that i havent in tottys section. he just Feels like someone who had a good support group and nice friends bc of how hes able to move in the world. kara feels like some whos doing their growing up in their twenties bc highschool came easy to them and now theyre just really struggling with the real world. like i shouldve expected softboy hs kara and i appreciate him very much!! i talk about choukei a lot bc they were the first characters that spoke so i immediately attached myself to them n i talk about karamatsu Specifically but im not sure i ever mentioned how much i appreciated how smart and cautious hes proved himself to be time and time again, like how hes the only one to point out totokos fish shtick aint doing her favours or how he was the first one to notice osos irritation n how you can pick out his voice warning jyushi to calm down in the bg of 24 or how in the comedian episode he was ready to take Notes from iyami and a lot of other small things!!

i would think hes actually a bit more serious n calm in hs and san is him amping up traits that drew people to him in hs and it backfiring on kara spectacularly - kara is always gauging people and their reactions and acting in a way he believes will get something positive, but at the same time is utterly oblivious when it comes to actually Getting them n i talked about the girls on the bridge but this is also prevalent with ichi who kara just. Doesnt Get and can not figure out how to maneuver their relationship. like oso, kara is and elder brother!! and elder brothers have an image theyre supposed to uphold, but while kara acts the part he doesnt do the shit a big brother does and shrugs that responsibility off on oso until oso fucks up until s2, where they share the role more evenly and his relationship with ichi improves but this is another essay entirely. what im trying to get with that is that hyperfocus on what other people think of him, but his complete disregard when it comes to their actual reaction and instead what he wants their reactions to be would also greatly impact him transtioning from a teen to an adult im sorry im getting sloppy now

osomatsu… i really adore him too much and i understand how totty felt in their episode bc i also lent my phone to a friend who needed to desperately jack it before meeting new people n i talk about him a whole lot too. hes mean and an asshole and garbage n i know a lot of people find him plain n boring but idk. i dont think thats the case hes a really complexed n nuanced character n hes literally has always been way back from kun n thats expected from a main character but… hes always been mean n dumb n sly and he can get so pathetically vunerable and thats literally!! him. hes a normal dude nothing wrong with that n it can be real refreshing. n i suppose im so fond of fishing trio+choro bc they remind me of my friends. but yeah even if hes 'plain’ i dont see why thats a bad thing. n this they always have the most interesting body language like despite kara being So Much his body language was always closed off n singled him out as everything But exuberant and bright, and osos quirks like how he stands on his toes a lot had always been so cute… its relaxed and open n screams Talk To Me!!!!

ahh but i always end up thinking oso was. oso??? theres not much to say that i havent before but i do think that he was a lot more like he was in episode 2 when ranting to chibita about having shitty brothers and then actively Chose to be a good brother even if he wasnt a good person and be a stable rock and be someone they could all come back to at the end of the day. and hes good at math im never letting this die.

#now im sleepy fmxbfbc #mbbbaf #i didnt talk about oso much im ao tired

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bloodpacks-archive · 6 years

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HI I HOPE YOURE DOING AMAZING TODAY !!! i just wanted to see if you could do prompts 1, 3, and 98 from the prompt list you just reblogged bc im a sucker for angst and love your writing

I’m doing great!! This isn’t super long, only like 900 words or so, so I figured I’d just put it on this ask :) It’s not my best writing, but I hope you enjoy it anyway!

I can’t tonight. I’m sorry. Stark Internship.

That’s what he texted last week too, and the week before. She was standing on the train, books in one arm and a bag of Peter’s favorite sandwich from Delmar’s hangs off the other. She sighed, and sat back down in the seat she had just gotten out of. Peter’s house was a block away, but he wouldn’t be there. For a moment, she could’ve sworn she could see a glimpse of the red and blue suit swing around a building. Or maybe it was just her imagination attempting to find him in everything she saw. His absence tended to have that effect on her.

The next day, he’s talking with MJ at lunch. Laughing about something that she doesn’t understand. They’re texting and casting looks at each other, and she’s left to wonder why. Really, it shouldn’t bother her. She knows MJ wouldn’t ever try to “steal” Peter, and she knows Peter wouldn’t ever cheat or leave her like that. She still can’t help the way her heart sinks when she hears his laugh come from next to her, and the smile that he gives MJ makes her stomach churn.

And then he laces his fingers through hers. Softly, barely there. He gives her a look, eyebrows furrowed and saying cute, concerned words that she doesn’t entirely hear. She smiles, her heart fluttering, and simply shakes her head that she’s fine. He squeezes her hand and lets a quiet smile paint his face. Soon enough, he’s turned back to MJ and talking more about inside jokes she doesn’t know. Still, his fingers wrap around hers, and she almost forgets what she was so upset about.

Really, it shouldn’t have bothered her. Still, in the back of her mind she kept seeing how he would smile at MJ and think, what if he’s moving on to something better?

—————

She sat in his room. They were studying, finally, after four weeks of cancellations. Peter’s hair was just barely curly, falling in front of his face. She would laugh at him with every cute sigh as he flopped it back over. If she was being honest, he probably needed a haircut, but she liked being able to run her fingers through his hair as they watched a movie on his couch.

Peter was quizzing her on terms from chemistry when his phone buzzed next to him. She could just barely see the name, it was her. Because of course it was her. Y/n sat back, arms crossed as Peter replied to the text. The brightest smile she had ever seen was sat on his face. Tears clawed at her throat, begging to spill. She scolded herself, it probably wasn’t anything. Maybe it was a joke, or something funny that had happened that day that she hadn’t been there for. So she cleared her throat to get rid of the sickening feeling that was so threatening to her, and gave Peter a soft wave of her hand when he raised an eyebrow at her. Then he looked back down at his phone, and continued to text.

The silence in the room was deafening. Peter let out a breath of a laugh once in while, still texting MJ, and Y/n looked over her textbook. She reviewed the words that she was supposed to be studying with him over and over again, but the sound of his laugh was enough to make her want to leave.

It wasn’t intentional. Peter wouldn’t do this to her, not on purpose. It just so happened that MJ made him laugh more than she ever could, and the smile on his face when he saw her could brighten up a room. It was just a coincidence that he discovered this while dating her. It was just a coincidence that he was always talking to MJ when he was supposed to be talking to his girlfriend. It was all just one big joke of a coincidence. And then he laughed. A real, beautiful laugh, and something this girl had said over a text. That seemed to be it.

“Peter, I think I’m gonna go home,” Y/n said, voice quiet as she began to close her book and pack her things.

“What? I thought you needed to study tonight, and we haven’t gotten to for the past few weeks,” Peter replied, voice innocent and just now putting down his phone. And it made her angry, so angry that he didn’t even know what he was doing to her. He wasn’t aware that he was ignoring to text this girl that he apparently liked so much.

“I just, Peter, I’ve had enough,” She was stern, but carefully searched for words that she couldn’t find. It was so delicate and terrifying that Peter didn’t know where he could go from there.

“What do you mean?” His eyebrows furrowed together, and he started to stand with Y/n, so scared of what was going to happen next.

“Peter, if you wanted to spend time with MJ, you could’ve told me. I don’t know, maybe you guys would make a better couple than us. She makes you laugh a lot, doesn’t she?” Her voice was weak, cracking on every other vowel and regretting every word of it.

“No no, I don’t like her like that-“

“I’m just gonna go,” She said, and Peter reached out his hand to stop her as she pulled the door of his room open.

“Please don’t walk out of that door,” He said, and now it was his voice that was cracking and Y/n stopped for just a moment. Then she sighed and began to close the door. “Please don’t go-“ Peter stops for a moment as the door closes, and then, just barely above a whisper, “I love you.”

Then there was a text from MJ.

How’d the big L word go?

#Anonymous #sav answers #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker angst #peter parker blurb #peter parker x you

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swearronchanel · 7 years

Text

and my commentary continues: series 6, episode 2 (if this is now a thing idk what to title it)

You asked for it, my first class isn’t until noon tomorrow so I can sleep in & so, I complied Also the SAG awards finished at like 10pm so even after doing my night routine it’s still early haha here it goes …

- Oh shit I forgot color - ah I really like the new intro - Penny’s outfit is so cute - “Walk don’t run” stfu Sister Ursula this isn’t elementary school - “Have you lost your marbles bubsy” haha that’s cute - UGH I WANNA FIGHT THIS NUN - LET JULIENNE ARRANGE THE DAMN FLOWERS - This is when sister Ursula presses sister Monica Joan about the bon bons lol - “Unlike your sisters” guessing u don’t think u count - You’re damn right - Sister MJ sly af 😏 wish she was my grandma - Aw penny it’s ok sweetie all will be well - AlRight so where is St Cuthberts, is it closer than the London? Idk just wondering - I don’t care that much tbh - Damn this man gonna go blind how sad - I like knowing what happens when I’m watching bc I can’t take so much I get anxious - But are we not going to mention Patsy’s wig anymore? It’s still ugly, lucky emerald is beautiful anyway - - Ugh my bbys are still so hurt about the thalidomide 💔💔 - IT WAS NOT EITHER OF YOUR FAULTS - YES IT IS A MIRACLE PATRICK, YOU SHOULD’VE MENTIONED IT LAST WEEK but it’s all good - HE’S TOUCHING HER STOMACH AH - AND THEY KISSED Lmaoo I bet this will break Tumblr - UgH SUCH A SWEET MOMENT TO MELT MY COLD HEART - Jk this show has made me such an emotional mess, like I rarely ever used to cry or anything - But it could also be because of university diminishing my sanity - “We should really start telling people” - YEA PLS GIVE US A CUTE SCENE TELLING EVERYONE @ NONNATUS - - Buttt, I’m gonna guess it’s either going to be implied that they told them off screen or they won’t find out till she starts bleeding mid inspection ?? idk I’m just guessing, don’t come at me lmaoo - Patrick’s smirk “he’ll certainly understand” 😂😂 - SHELAGH’S CRINGING FACE I LOVE IT - YOU KNOW IM HERE FOR ALL CRINGEY EXPRESSIONS - Plus that’s my bby - - PHYLLIS SAW PATS AND DELIA - SHE KNOWS & IM GLAD IT WAS HER TO FIRST FIND OUT - - alright so let me be annoying real quick - From that clip from the casebook Valerie is problematic/lowkey racist & no estoy aquí para eso PERO I like her in the moment? - One, her outfit is cute - & B, she gets along well with my shelagh and seems nice.. I’m not gonna forget her comment though lol, so I’m going to stay neutral for now - - Ok the Marsh baby is born next - Lol sorry I love when sister Winifred is being cringey or funny but this was just kinda boring but I know it’ll get better later in the episode - BUT SERIOUSLY I WANNA KNOW SISTER WINIFRED’S REAL NAME - Idk why that was capitalized I don’t feel that strongly but I’m very curious !¡! - - Shelagh being all cute and cheeky giving those vaccinations - Penny is so sweet - - Alright this is so irrelevant but still, Shelagh is outside.. so Why would she throw up in a napkin in her hand? lol, all that open space 😭😂 idk I really hate throwing up and will not let my self throw up. Not even vlad can make me😷 - SHIT THAT EXPLOSION THO - what were they doing exactly? - like a bitch over here a lil confused :/ - MY LIL SUPERHERO SPRINGING TO ACTION YES BBY - shit George’s blind for good now it’s sad - and arthur’s gonna die damn - - look at disheveled Shelagh so damn pretty but I wonder when she got that cut lol - Lmaoo @ Valerie, so she knows the Nonnatuns - - Damn I’m only 17 mins in why do I talk so much shit to myself - Sister MJ sneaking that bread during sister Ursula’s prayer is me 😂 - I swear though if Sister Ursula tries to get rid of Sister MJ I will fight - My eyes roll every time this woman is on my screen - Phyllis chewing angrily is also me - “Travel visas there have been canceled” shit pats it’s too relevant right now - “I’m trifle deaf these days” PHYLLIS U ARE A GEM - Penny wins best dressed patient - - Patrick worrying is precious - SHELAGH TRYING TO HINT WHILE SMILING IS SO FUNNY BUT WHY - Lmao why are they acting like Tim is not literally right there? - Also this boy is 15 why is he not ever with friends - Of course he knew, he’s always around and isn’t dumb at all. He basically grew up around pregnant ladies tbh - “.. Good I don’t want to know any other details” lmao 😂 - I knew he’d be pleased but I lowkey wanted him not to upset or annoyed so he could have a good little story line - It’s not realistic that this 15 year old is so pleasant with his parents all the time - Like I was an angsty fright @ 15 - lol I’m acting like I’m old, I’m going to be 19 & I’m still like that^ with my parents a lot of the time - - Why do British people call bandaids “plasters”? Hm. I just think of plaster of Paris for like walls or whatever it’s used for - “I’m a slow healer” lol Shelagh is so precious - “If the baby’s a girl I’m moving out” I think it’ll be a boy. Actually Idk forget I said that - Don’t be nervous bby, speak up you got this - “That’s my girl” yes Patrick that’s our girl protect her at all freaking cost 😭 - I’ve gotten so far without saying “fuck” I’m proud - - “This is the dark before the dawn, but there is always a dawn” thanks sister I needed that - “I’ve committed a crime"😭😭 - I love sister MJ - also not gonna lie I cried a little the first time watching this - - Some mothers of color in the community centre makes me happy - Who’s the model though? 😏 - Someone find him & tag me - Ugh here comes sister “I ruin everything” - Honestly when is sister Julienne just gonna come out and say “you gotta go”? - No that’s not the way you do things - fuck yea sister J - “We must simply sit it out and wait for Churchill” - I HOPE THATS TRIXIE - BUT also I really want Sister Julienne to be the one who saves the day - Lol yea Babs your wardrobe should step it up but it’s okay - - Shelagh don’t be nervous you’re gonna kill it - Does sister Ursula even do anything? She doesn’t see patients does she? Nah she just makes everyone angry - Get up outta here - Lol I’m so Brooklyn for that - “Mrs Turner you look nice” - UM YES, MY BBY, her new dresses & coats slay - She finally took a break from the damn cardigans & I love it. Not that there’s anything wrong with cardigans but you catch my drift - Nah for real I wanted a fabulous wardrobe for Shelagh bc times are changing & Laura Main is literally gorgeous so she needs pretty outfits & got it I did - so here for it, now we wait for another pair of trousers. lets get it 1962 - this first dress had such jackie kennedy vibes, love it - - “Consequences be DAMMED” YES PATS - Phyllis and Sister J are proud, I really want one of them to press Sister Ursula - Look @ Delia actually being a nurse! - ah penny 💔 - - Shelagh’s so nervous at first but then is like YOU KNOW WHAT ASSHAT JUDGE - “Where is nurse Mount?” , “where she is needed” YES SISTER JULIENNE - love the blue coat Shelagh - “I’m not ill, I’m just tired and angry” same - Don’t cry bby - “Our best is worthless bc it won’t change anything” ugh crush my heart, especially that little hug. I need to hug them all - lol who invited Tom to the hospital - he’s so handsome though so it’s ok - TELL THEM, STAND UP - “We need to fight” yes ! - I was worried penny’s baby wouldn’t live - C'mon Pats be pc - okay patsy opening up, crushes my heart she’s so closed off but I feel - Here comes the wicked bitch of the east [end] - Whoops can I call a fictitious nun a bitch - YES PATS YES DONT TAKE HER SHIT - Aw patsy, you two will okay, I mean look sister Bernadette came back as Shelagh because of letters so you never know - - Shelagh’s baby blue outfit >> - she needs to go out in public more with her hair down and slay everyone’s life - “Not today.” Yes Delia - “You did it Mrs Turner, you made em listen!” - Yes tf she did. I’m so proud - the set makeup artist did a crazy good job with the burns - “We never really out grow our parents, we just think we do” aw I should call my mum and dad - mm maybe later it’s midnight lmao - DELIA SAID I LOVE U - I FEEL LIKE NO IMPORTANT COUPLE on here HAS SAID “I LOVE YOU” to each other ?? - They almost kissed aw - Fred just break the door damn - Reminds me a little of when Jenny left - Aw the Marsh fam - Phyllis you are gold - Phyllis is still learning Spanish, please give her an opportunity to use it! - the only Spanish speaking mother was conchita, wasn’t that the first episode ever? lets get another one - Anyway, this was so sad. - “The pain it costs to love..” PHYLLIS I LOVE You. You deserve everything good - Aw all the other mothers with penny! - Alright Lets hear it Vanessa - Aw Delia Bonus: preview for next week - my other bby Trixie is back !! - hope she loses her shit when she realizes sister Ursula is ruining everything + patsy/sister mary cynthia are gone - My bby Shelagh looks so pretty!💕 - BUT I KNOW NO ONE IS SHUTTING DOWN ANYTHING - I will not have it - Phyllis spilling the ever so obvious and boiling tea, sister Ursula is UNFIT - Pls let Sister Julienne say something crazy to her before she goes - Why is babs crying?? - ugh of course that’s the most of a preview we get - Nothing bad will happen to my bbys I won’t have it. Protect them at all costs or I’ll spontaneously combust - Jk but I might flip my shit or throw my laptop - But for real for Shelagh to miscarry 3 episodes in would be a waste of a storyline - Plus it is a drama, we’ll be shook for a while, then we’ll cry, we’ll laugh & then Vanessa Redgrave says something profound and we go on with the week - The End 🙃🙃 - If you read this far, you’re a champ - I did this for u all

#call the midwife #i'm a clown #series 6 #lets get it 1962 #protect my bbys at all costs though #my commentaries™

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whatitdobabybew · 6 years

Text

Anxious and stressed

I’m so anxious. It’s like I can never catch a break with myself.

I put what seems like unrealistic goals infront of me and just hope I can actually pull through it. Like right now I’m stressing another apartment because I’m unsure if my roommate is going to want to room with me anymore. Every time I bring the topic up she gets quite and I just can’t live like that, like I need to know. I need security I hate having my future up in the air. It makes me resent her a tiny bit honestly.

So with that I have this unreasonable fear of having to move back to my parents house and that’s something I can’t do. And I think that’s where all my anxiety is stemming from. I love my family. I do. But my parents relationship is so unhealthy and my father is seriously the worst person to live with.

I sometimes wonder if I’m like him. Like with my roommate. I don’t want to be like him towards her.

Sometimes I get annoyed because she’s just careless and doesn’t clean up after herself at all.

She was having a couple of glasses of wine with her boyfriend and then goes upstairs and leaves the glasses there on the floor. I wanted to call her downstairs and be like look bitch these are the things that I’m talking about. But honestly it’s not even worth it. She gets super defensive and has a nasty little attitude.( or maybe I’m just fucking sensitive) And I just don’t want to deal with that bullshit. I sometimes laugh to myself and think damn this is my karma, because I was the exact same way at my house. But I was comfortable in doing that.

Maybe my roommate is just comfortable in being messy. But I’m not. Don’t leave the living space a mess. Clean up. Even if it’s not your mess. She is so careless that she forgets her own messes and idk if I should just laugh about it or get upset. I honestly don’t even know what to do. I can’t talk about it with anyone because she’s my friend at the end of the day and with out her I wouldn’t be where I am. Like I have an awesome town house apartment with rent being cheap as fuck for Miami. I guess this is the price I pay. But it’s worth it. I would literally prefer having to pick up after someone than live with my family again.

Wow this feels great. To actually write out my thoughts. And reflect. It gives me insight on myself I feel like I can read this back to myself and then just give myself advice. I mean I give everyone advice why can’t I reflect inwardly and do the same?

Ugh idk I’m a mess, also on the brink of getting my period so god knows my emotions and sensitivity is at a all time high. I hate being understanding. Sometimes I just don’t want to be. But it’s common sense. If I think things logically and not let my emotions get the best of me then I’ll be ok. But that’s easier said than done you know. I’m a wreck if I can’t talk about things like this with someone. I mean most of the time I just need to talk to someone just so that they can hear me out and let me know I’m heard or maybe if I’m being to irrational or emotional, I need others perspectives from time to time but ultimately I’ll always side with what sits right with me.

Like the other day I did something I wish I wouldn’t have. I went to my superior at work because I was upset and felt uncomfortable with my manager. But lowkey I really wanted her to get reprimanded. Whatever she ended up not really getting told anything and then me and her had a talk and then I pulled tears out of my ass to just have her overlook everything. I know I’m a manipulative asshole but that bitch controls my schedule and my money. I don’t think I’ll ever do that again tho to be completely honest. Sometimes you just got to take the L and let karma or whatever force or entity you want to call it just take care of it. Plus she’s a mother raising her son and who the fuck am I to fuck her life up like that. That brought me a bunch of guilt, not only that but my roommate was pissed because she didn’t want to be in the middle of it because she knows how petty my manager is. I should have listened to her honestly. I wish I could talk to her openly about things but idk I don’t think she cares.

Oh and last but not least of my anxieties..... drum roll please .... ITS ABOUT A GUY.

I know surprising right? Haha

Yea so I’m obsessed with this guy who has been coming into the bar I work at frequently.

I don’t know what it is about this guy but I’m soooooo enticed by him.

But Venus is in retrograde ahahhhhhhhh I’m over it. Like whyyyyyyyy. Whatever I’m going to have fun writing this out so here we go. Btw there are two guys actually maybe three or four? Actually I really shouldn’t be stressing right now because I’ve just realized I have so many other options that if this one didn’t work out I could totally just go to any of the other guys and be completely content for the moment being. Whatever, I guess I use guys but I just want to be loved and wanted ok. I have major daddy and mommy issues.

ANYWAYS this guy lol

So it was just an average shift on an average day of the week. Like nothing significant or different besides that this day I actually did my make up and my hair was looking fabulous. Besides the point. I was feeling myself and was very confident somewhat. So I was behind that bar working it , I knew I was going to at least break $200 easily. So I wasn’t to worried about anything back there. UNTIL this fucking guy walks in. And my god when I saw him I just was like omg. Idk I was instantly attracted to him and of course like the stupid idiot that I am I didn’t talk to him at all. Haha I was way to nervous. This guy was so cute. He has such a gorgeous smile and his eyes idk I was super infatuated from the moment I saw him I even had my manger check him out for me like who am iiiiiiiiiiii.

Anyways I couldn’t tell if he was tall so I figured he was short so I just canceled him and payed no mind to him. Mind you I’m 5’8. I’m working the bar and my other coworker is talking to them and whatever and he’s like lowkey trying to get my attention with out being to obvious but come on I notice everything. Or so I think I do. But I pay no mind to him or his friend. Then as they leave I notice how tall he is and instantly my attraction to him grew. As they were leaving we teased them and was like why are you guys leaving and they tell us that they will be back. I didn’t really believe it like how and why would this guy come back he’s so out of my league. But guess what he comes back and this time with two more friends. Long story short I ignore them again. Take care of everyone else but them. And that’s when he starts saying things. He talks loud enough for me to hear him but then gets quite when I look. Childish but extremely charming. It’s playful and fun and I love a good tease. Even if it’s innocent. So whatever they’re talking to us and he asks me where I’m from, nonchalantly. At first I thought he was asking my coworker but then he was like no you where are you from and then I told him, then he told his friend that he liked “Becky” which happens to be my name. And I causally nonchalantly say yea most guys do, and I walk away lol. His expression was priceless. I loved it. Later we get on the topic of age and I tell them I’m 24 and he kinda seems shocked like yea no way. Then I ask him how old he is and he won’t tell me he just smiles and looks away and I tease him and tell him that he seems to be taking quite a while to tell me his age, what he doesn’t know how old he is? And he just doesn’t say anything so I notice that I put him on the spot so to ease it I start asking his friends and they go down the line and then when I get to him he asks me to guess, I guess to see what I think about him, and so I answered that he was 12 and moved on to his other friend and they all started laughing. That’s my way of flirting with him. So then they are all laughing and he tells me that I got the second number right, so I ask him 22? And he just nods his head and says yea and I just go all out and talk baby to him. I’m like ahhhhhhh how cute look at that face he’s only 22. I know he got shy when I did that but I loveddddd it. He was trying to show me that age was nothing and that he was a great time. When I handed him his check he asked me if that was my number and I laughed and said yea and him and his friend both went to grab it. Haha I was kinda like in shock by that reaction. But then I teased and said if you want my number you’re going to have to ask for it. Lol

His friend was like he wants your number just give it to him and I said he has to ask me and that I would eat him up , referencing to his age. And he was just next to him acting like he didn’t hear me. And so I write my number and give it to my coworker and she hands it to them and idk what happened I got shy and went to the back, I didn’t even say bye. I was scared of rejection more than anything

So they left that day and I just couldn’t stop thinking about him. I text my roommate all about him and she’s like an FBI agent, we looked up his universtity and luckily he was on one of the sports team which thank god Bc there was no way I would ever have found him. So we look at the roster find out his name and boom I find most of his social media. By the second day I just couldn’t hold myself back and added him on insta and he added me immediately back.... I was in shock. Then he comes into my job again for the third time in a week and he’s with his family this time. He tells his waitress to tell me that he’s there, so I go to the table and it was awkward af he tried to play it cool but I definitely put him on the spot lol so whatever he tells me he ordered a drink and that he wanted me to make it. So I do and give it to him. And then that’s it. As he’s leaving I see him and I wave goodbye. And he waves bye too and all his boys are rubbing his shoulders like he won something it was cute.

Fast forward a couple of days he’s in my DMs not to consistent but consistent enough. And we talk a couple of times back and forth. Then he asks me what my work schedule is. And so the next time I worked guess who showed up? His two friends, I recognize them and greet them and take care of them get there bill discounted and as they leave I tell them bye nice seeing you guys again, and just as they were leaving I tell them tell your friend I said hi, and they were like oh we will but he’s going to be here later we will be back. And then later came and he was there. AND I GOT SUPER NERVOUS AND MADE MYSELF SEEM BUSY. Ugh . He would call me over occasionally just to talk and his friends just ruined it lol saying he was playing backwards. That he was playing hard to get and I jokingly say well aren’t I supposed to be playing hard to get and he’s just quite put on the spot and I can tell he’s uncomfortable so I just laugh it off and change the subject for him. But uh he was winking at me and flirting so hard and I had no where to hide because hello I work At a bar that’s shaped like a horse show.

So whatever he leaves and I get kinda sad and am like wow you’re leaving? And he tells me he would be back the next day and well he never did. But then guess what today he went in and my coworkers obviously know who he is because hello he’s been coming in for me lol. And they said he was looking for me like looking around and I thought that was really sweet. But idk what am I to do? That’s it

And here I am letting it get the best of me. I start doubting myself like maybe he doesn’t like me ? Maybe I’m just way to over my head reading things incorrectly but then again why would his friends just say all of that. Idk I hope he comes in again or something I want to get to know him I want to know what’s his deal. But I’m super nervous. That anxious little voice gets the best of me. And I just need it to stop. I need to stop slef sabotaging myself. I always do this. I did the same thing with manny, I was doubting him so much, like why would he want to be with someone like me? And I demanded that he would tell me how he felt about me I needed him to constantly re assure me that he liked me and honestly, if I met someone who was like that with me I would really curve that like I can’t deal with that. So I don’t blame for that relationship to end the way it did.

So I need to stop. Just let things go and stop over reading the small details and just let things happen naturally, if he really is interested I feel like he will show it and I know I will reciprocate. But time will deal all of this.

I wish I could just get a little glimpse of the future or some reassurance. But I will never get that. I can’t think that I can control everything. So I kinda need to fucking stop.

So yea there are my lists of anxieties and what’s been occupying my mind the most. I would talk about the other guys but they’re not that important yet.

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atomicsurvivor-isleofskye · 6 years

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Ep. 10 - “bananas...... will that help?” - Vi

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/169206214901/individual-immunity-5-counting

i am so happy my alliance of 5 is sticking together and im so happy i didnt leave yet bc that wouldve been my worst org placement and ali and jay are super fun but at the end of the day its just a game anyway!!

This challenge looks very annoying, but as long as neither rebecka or tara win I can have my pick of who to bring with me. Ive convinced Ain to tell Rebecka about the Tara plan, because if I had to pick I’d prefer Rebecka to win, and shes more likely to with motivation.

I NEED to win this immunity so I dont get in the middle of this rebecka vs tara thing. I do NOT want to be getting votes just because rebecka/tara have immunity. can my comp flop loser ass win something??? thanks

People finally realize I'm a threat? Wow took them long enough. Got 2 votes, was fun. I laughed a lot. Heather is such a good sport. I wish everyone else was too. She's great. Also this challenge is so terrible. I hate counting. I can barely count past 100 on a good day. It gets boring real fast. I'll pull an allnighter to get ahead since I gotta babysit tomorrow. Welp fill you in later. ;)

Tbh this vote and tribal was a very messy one for me and I hope I can win immunity and continue to do that until FTC if not I’m probably out this game and can’t waut to see the people of the jury not because they’re my friends or anything im responsible for most of them being there but because that means I can just chill and talk about what happened and not really plan and scheme

Tara got so mad at me because I wouldn’t throw the comp to her because she feels like she’s in danger (which she is. Stephen wants her out and is picking rebecka over tara since Tara told Stephen she was paranoid about a f2 between rebecka and I) idk it just made me upset that she would ask me to throw it like that after I put in so much effort. And she even deleted me from Skype when I wouldn’t give her my hidden immunity idol immediately!!!! She needs to chill. When she acts like this I’m tempted to blindside her after all. But I remember she’s like my bff and I couldn’t do that to her

Vi out here talking about loving fire how to remove jaws and her pet snake waaaay to much imma need her to go Issa no from me nope nope gotta go nope

I found the dragon but I was too late

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/169245494531/immunity-results

Ain wins immunity.

I DID THAT I WON IMMUNITY IM NOT A COMP FLOP SUCK IT!!!!!!!!

Tara didn’t win immunity so things will hopefully go as planned, apart from being blinsided the biggest risk in this vote is coming off as a serial backstabber. I’ve got to be careful, and precise in how I speak, so that in ftc they respect my choices as gameplay, not a reflection on my character

Ain won immunity ugggh.. why did this hav to happen she already thinks she’s running the Gabe now she has this I like her but I want her out the game more and more everyday she’s good and gonna get me if I don’t get her first

Ok Ali, let me fill you in my good man! So the game right now is kinda a mess. Everyone wants to make big moves while they have the numbers. Tara wants Rebecka gone because she's sus about a Becka and Ain final 2. Stephen wants Tara gone because Tara is sus about us and is worried she might flip. Rebecka is saying we should stick to the 5 (me, rebecka, tara, stephen, vi) and vote Aundra. Aundra is dying to vote Stephen out and honestly? SAME! Vi is down for anything. Jake...... is Jake. And that's what you missed Ali!

I'm GOING TO NUT!!! STEPHEN WANTS TO GET REBECKA OUT TOO!!!!! I'm so happy I won immunity and I get to enjoy this :). Welcome to the party Stephen, you're late sweaty.

*INCITES DRAMA BETWEEN REBECKA AND STEPHEN* IM SCREAMING NOW REBECKA IS GUNNING FOR HIM

howdy yall!!!!!!! bec here. Comin atcha with another confessional!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POy09x79WRk So I'm always on the wrong side of blindsides and stuff so itll be SUPER funny reading this after the game ends considering im probably gonna end up out the door at the end of the night tomorrow!!! LOL!!! Stephen's playing a messy social game (think himilayas 2.0) messaging tara to try to vote me out, and messaging me and ain trying to get us to vote tara out, and im just like https://i.imgur.com/cw9Dhs2.jpg HEHE so basically now its me and ain, and tara, and maybe aundra (Hi bb!!! haven't messaged you at all probably lol whoops sorry didnt do that on purpose i literally am just a mess LOL lets be friends after this game and i hope i can trust u this week!!! hehe) tryna vote out stephen, but stephen thinks its ain and i voting tara out, and tara and jake and aundra voting me out LOLOLOL hehe i have no clue what the eff is gonna happen tomorrow night but im sure it wont be fun!!! :) :) :)

So I had me heart set on blindsiding Tara but then she had to go and play nice. Which meant I had to take a big risk and start drama. By saying that Rebecka, Ain, and I had a f3 deal I convinced her to start planning for a Rebecka blindside. Once she did I went to Ain and told him she was planning it, and to cover my bases I said she was trying to portray me as the mastermind behind it. So now we’re all at each others throats again, and I can hopefully pull this off.

Stephen is trying to get Rebecka and Me to vote Tara while everyone else votes Rebecka......... I appreciate the drama, the Big Move™, but he needs to be less messy about it.

So I don’t know what is going on but I’m pretty sure the survivor gods hate me, ironically. So everything was looking fine all we had to do was get Vi on board but apparently she was found something in the moors, she can’t say what but she seems confident that any attnept to vote Tara out will fail. Theres two possibilities here, one shes lying to save Tara, in which case we have to pull Jake and/or Aundra to get majority, or what she found protects Tara outright, in which case we’re screwed.

So this really is a confession. *cough Uh I was trying to get Stephen to not vote Tara by hinting at her having an idol. Somehow that completely backfired and made him think I had a disadvantage from the moors. Long story short he thinks the word vote is the trigger that I can’t reveal info and so he switch to using the word “banana”. Um as you can imagine, I died laughing. Was worth. Sorry Stephen but I took it and ran. If I get backstabbed it’s worth it. Here let me put a single statement he said out of many for you to understand. “but regardless if I pull Jake and/or Aundras..... bananas...... will that help?” *coughs violently Yeah sorry...

hello! sorry for the lack of updates i've just been super super busy. basically i've been trying my best to turn ain against rebecka, not that well tbh but shes promised to vote her out this vote lol fdskf, ain leaks everything to rebecka which is rly bad for my game tbh bcos it exposes how close me n ain are! i also tried to get a feel for how close stephen was to rebecka whilst i could let my immunity let me b messy n he basically leaked everything to ain it was p iconic LOL um so ya n then stephen planned to vote me out, but no one wanted to! hehe so he comes to me and says that he thinks i'm right about rebecka n tries to get me to vote her out LMAO but then apparently it didn't go how he wanted so he went back to rebecka and ain and tried to get them to vote out me again n its all p iconic bcos we're all sending eachother stephens messages n catching him out on his lies. i would LOVE to vote stephen out just to see the look on his face when me n rebecka receive ZERO votes (apart from maybe one from him) so he can realise he fricked up! unfortunately, bcos rebecka is so close to ain i think this might be the only opportunity to vote her out. n then i can make aundra super happy and vote out stephen next time! i think me and aundra are getting really close which i'm really glad about because aundra just seems to be a free vote lol fdbksf but hes also really fun to talk to. he also doesn't like ain(in a game way) which tbh is great bcos ain is winning! and if i got ot f3 with ain and aundra i could rely on aundra to try win immunity and take me to f2 yas! i finally have a plan.

This game is cancelled I’m over it can’t wait for everyone to get voted off I really wish it was final 2 and I was winning or I was getting voted out or something idek this games sooo stressful and it feels somewhat dragged out but that could be because I’m playing with like the messiest people ever and a power hunger associate but who knows

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1r6ao_imaUBfYKPxoLg614vW___nlTK9P

So Vi has been far too vague, and Ain and Rebecka are looking more and more vague. It is risky to keep people like Aundra and Jake in becuase they might want me out, but its riskier not knowing how things will be affected by Vi. So I’m voting Rebecka. This affects my plan a little, next vote I’ll feel out Ain, see if we can work together and take out Tara, if not she’s gone. Then we vote out Aundra. Then Tara hopefully. Drama Drama Drama.

well folks, it sucks to be the last Saorsa peep left, considering im not social with some of these Iolaire it looks like my path to victory is quite skerewed, some may wonder though, if i fear safety why not try in immunity? because i dont think im in any particular danger, at this point im just a number/goat from many pov's so they wont bother with me, am i using this to my advantage? yes i mean im the last player in game to recieve no votes, so i at least am outwitting

Ugh I have no idea whats best for my game right now, I’ve flipped back to voting Aundra

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/169285851851/merge-tribal-5

Rebecka voted out 5-1-1-1.

#ALostPuppyDog #episodes

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bredisgoode-blog · 7 years

Text

ME: Andromeda Opinions. (so late...)

If anyone pays attention to this blog at all, you might be aware that I’m kind of sort of obsessed fond of Mass Effect. (Please do not ask me how many hours I’ve spent on the series). I just wanted to talk a ��bit’ (put this post next to the definition of underestimate, bc this post is long af) about Andromeda, since I wasn’t active online when it came out/when I played it. It’s a somewhat simplified analysis. Like I could write a college thesis for any topic for any Mass Effect game, so yeah it was hard to get it as short as this is.

First of all lets get this out of the way: I genuinely enjoyed it.

I avoided alllll the media and reviews as much as I could. The only slight spoiler I ever got was seeing the first rendition of Peebee, Jaal (in pop figure form, no less...), and a headline about the facial animations. I ignored that because to me, Mass Effect has always had some ridiculous animations. Especially facial animations when you make a custom character. I literally noted down the moments in Mass Effect 1 when they’re unbearably hilarious, there are a lot. When it comes to Mass Effect, I just don’t really care about the graphics. However, I will admit that when I tried to make a fem!Ryder, I simply gave up and just went with Sara because any face I tried just had the wORST issues. It was hilarious, but again, I really didn’t care. I didn’t have many issues with my custom bro!Ryder’s face. I will say that one face Lexi makes is AMAZING and AWFUL (you know which one I mean), but at the same time I was like idk that is literally a face I would make.

The only preconception I had for this game was of Peebee, who I thought looked a bit odd, like in a forced way. But I really didn’t care about that and tried to put it at the back of my mind so I would forget I saw her and go into the game with a clean slate. I was pretty sure I wasn’t getting Liara back, so that was the other reason I didn’t care to think about how Peebee looked. (SPOILERS: BUT I DID G eT LIA ARA BACK K INDA !! wDsdjfkd)

Things I liked/loved:

This game somehow felt like all three Mass Effect games put together. You have the new world and hero-building experience like ME1, the companionship and loyalty driven subplots of ME2 (which were so great in ME:A), and the “oh shit we need to really all work together to defeat this overwhelmingly strong and holier-than-thou enemy” feel of ME3. The only thing I didn’t like about that is that I felt like I didn’t deserve the ending being so cool because we haven’t really gotten into this world that much yet.

The game play is. so. smooth. Wow. At first I thought the controls were so confusing, but by the middle of my first play through I was zipping through the game.

I love the profile switching ability. I never really enjoyed playing other classes in the OT because once I played vanguard, I felt like I had all the powers I actually wanted and didn’t need the others. This game made me want to switch classes because I knew I could, and I ended up with a really personalized way of playing. It felt good. I think that was a smart decision. I’m sure there are general ways that people play, but you have so many options to play the way YOU want to.

Hearing Liara again. When I saw people suggesting we see OT characters in Andromeda, I cringed every time. I have this great head canon in which Shepard survives synthesis and gets Lazarus-ed again. So I didn’t want any implication of anything otherwise. (That’s just my selfish preference). They were really smart in how they brought Liara into the plot. It was a nice throwback without altering anything I thought or felt about the OT.

Exaltation (spoilss). Part of me thought, hm this is a bit too similar to the Reapers, but it’s done actually so interestingly that once we really see it happen, I didn’t care much that it was similar to what the Reapers did. Like first of all, how did they come up with this technology? Why do they do it? Why is it so monstrous and demented? I really want to know more about them and their beliefs, I don’t feel we even scratched the surface.

The Angara/Remnant/Jardaan. I knew something was off about the Angara, and I definitely knew there was going to be a connection with them and the Remnant, but I didn’t expect it to play out the way it did. I also just like the Angara as a race. Their abilities and overtly expressed feelings/emotions were very interesting to me.

The planets were diverse and beautiful. I loved that I had to keep going back to them all for side missions. (Though I didn’t like the time it took to get to each one bc of dum spaceship animations !! Good thing they took that out.)

All of the little connections to the OT made me really happy. Though they were a constant reminder that literally everyone from the Milky Way is dead bc of how far in the future Andromeda takes place... at the same time this was always the route I thought they should go so I can’t complain.

Loved unlocking memories, (just wish we got more out of it).

The architects were awesome bosses, in fact I liked that there were bosses in this game even though they were repetitive. The OT never focused on having bosses, usually you’d only face a final boss or just waves of enemies at the end of a section. Though I’ll admit the Voeld architect was the hardest and first that I fought. They could have organized that a bit differently imo.

The abyssal is actually a pro and a con. I was absolutely horrified to drive near it, and I thought it was really smart to make it so daunting... but then I found out it can’t do anything to you so I just kept trying to get as close as possible lol. Would have liked it to interact in the plot a bit more, but maybe it was supposed to be involved in another DLC plan (that got cancelled =)))))))))))))))))) )

The Moshae is the reason I live. I don’t know exactly why, but I was obsessed with her. I would literally bother everyone I know singing Wainting for Tonight and changing it to “waiting for Moshae” Maybe it was just that they said “Moshae” too many times in the game, but idk man she was cool as heck. I also like that she is opinionated just like the other Angara. She isn’t some passive all knowing god-like character. She will disagree with you if she doesn’t like what you’ve said or done.

I actually really enjoyed the new dialogue system. Though I’ve seen people say it makes you unable to be renegade like in the OT, and I definitely agree with that, I just hardly ever as renegade so it didn’t affect me. Do you even get to punch someone in the face though? Idk, but I would see why people would be upset if you can’t. It’s a Mass Effect staple tbh.

The communal crew computer thing in the sleeping area (great descriptions, I know) was cool imo. As were the e-mails. There were some great moments written in here.

Onto the few things I thought could have been handled better:

The Archon. He reminded me of a cute monkey??? I couldn’t take him too seriously. I thought some of the other Kett officials had much better aggressive looks about them. Also the first time we see him is in a moment of weakness; he doesn’t understand how Alec was able to utilize the remnant technology the was we was. It was just a weird introduction for an antagonist imo. After characters like Saren and Harbinger, I didn’t feel threatened by the Archon. (Though I did feel threatened by the Kett overall. Especially by the end.)

I don’t think we really got deep enough into this world. The only reason this bothered me is because I spent like over a hundred hours on the first play through. I thought subplots like the benefactor would tie more into the plot and no, the mission ends, and we don’t really learn much.

Some things are a bit clunky. Upgrade armor in one place, buy those upgrades in another place, change the colors in another. It wasn’t a huge bother at first, but when I really wanted to upgrade my armor, I just wouldn’t because I was worried (because of the confusion) that I’d loose the enhancements I had.

I would have liked one other race to be present in the game. I believe we would have gotten that with the Quarians and their DLC, except that got canned. This was the most frustrated I felt with any part of the game. To tease it throughout the game and just not deliver? All of these issues I had with the game are small, and they didn’t really didn’t bother me overall, but this did. Maybe I was just being spoiled because I was used to having great Mass Effect DLC, I expected it, but they egged me on.

Why are all the creatures nearly the same? That just didn’t make sense to me. I didn’t really care but at the end of the day, there’s no reason for it.

H-047c was so cool I just wished there were more missions here.

I really wanted to be able to interact more with our twin. But that made me really surprised by the (spoileR!) fact that we get to play as them towards the end.

This is not really a big deal, but I thought fem!Ryder’s voice didn’t fit the character. But I never liked playing bro!Shep because I didn’t like Mark’s ME1 and ME2 performances, so it’s not really a big deal/worry. I like playing bro!Ryder and fem!Shep more anyway. (This is also why the facial animation issues weren’t a big deal, like I said earlier I didn’t have many issues with that playing as my bro!Ryder, and since I didn’t even really like playing as fem!Ryder bc of the VA, I didn’t have to deal with the issues much).

And now the characters because I have quite a bit to say on them too:

Peebee - First impression was not a great. I kept thinking she was a weird version of Liara. Still quirky and nerdy, but obnoxious rather than shy and awkward. That drew me to her in a way, but it was a long time before I was sure I’d romance her. Also her actual name is so pretty. Pelessaria. Pelly could have been a cuter nickname that doesn’t make me think of a PB&J sandwich...

Vetra was another character I considered romancing, but it seemed to not go anywhere, and by the time it could, I was already too invested in Peebee.

Cora imo was so bland, it really was not until almost the end that I started to actually like her a bit.

At first I was worried Drack was a Wrex copy, but they put a lot more effort with Drack than Cora. We don’t even really tap into his background as much as I wanted, but I loved what we did learn. He’s a great character, and more original than I thought he’d be.

Almost went gay for Jaal, but then realized that what I thought might lead to flirting, was just us being best homies. Which I was ok with, but I still thought I would almost rather have him than Peebee. But then they made him a romance option for bro!Ryder anyway but it was too late by then =‘( I have to replay the game again soon.

I’m really hoping they don’t can the series the way it is and do a whole new soft reboot. I like where this game is headed, they just need to deliver a more polished sequel. Who knows when that will be, but I’m hopeful we’ll see more of these characters and this new galaxy, which we only barely got into.

PS - I FOR GOT TO MEN TI ON. When they did that first major patch they fliRKd up the way you walk and move, and I was so mad because I had just started to do this side to side motion that was a funny dance and now I can’t do it anymore and I’ll be mad forever about it. I was having fUN with your JANKY MOVEMENT ANIMATIONS!! I hope they make it an option for me to disable just that “fix” bc its not a fix at aLL but probably won’t bc they’re so done w/ Andromeda lol.

#this is so long i spent too much time on this it could have been so much longer too lol. now i want to play it again.#idk if i have the time but i might have to just go for it bc i actually miss playing this game #thats how u kno i actually liked it and im not bullshitting.#idk all the criticism ppl made was stuff i didnt care about enough for it to make me dislike the game #im so tired so ignore my typos thanks.#mass effect #mass effect andromeda #me: a #im tagging this for myself so if you see this and youre like really this fool had to put his late ass opinions in the tags. yeah sorry w/e #me a

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yahoocansuckmyass · 7 years

Text

**disclaimer: if you know me in real life, if you have anything to say, just message me on Facebook or whatever, I’m not in danger of myself, just venting about everything in my life at the moment**

only posting bc there’s really no where else for me to vent about anything

i feel so empty, especially the last few days everything feels so bleak and im unable to generate any emotion other than indifference and sadness. i know it will pass and im trying to take care of myself. going to yoga, eating well and shit like that but i don’t have any motivation. jus feels like im outside of my actual body, watching myself do these things without any feeling of accomplishment or enjoyment after.

and my friends feel so far away, maybe im dissociating? i don’t feel like i can open up to anyone without a shitty response from them. best friend has always come to me in times of need but when I come to them it’s like they’re not even listening or really even grasp that im hurting my boyfriend tells me “think about something else” as if i haven’t gone through years of trying that, im not able to change like that my thoughts flip on a dime and when they do I have 2+ other voices yelling at the only part of me trying to help it feels like a minefield. i try to think that im okay and that I can do this but they teller the sound of my breathing is too loud and i get so uncomfortable in my body that i can’t fucking move. it makes me want to tear out my hair and scratch my skin off. (I’ve been self harm free for almost 2 years and these episodes get really hard to handle but at least i haven’t hurt myself other than biting my lip a bit too much on occasion)

and group therapy now costs too much and I can’t even stop by for an hour.

work doesn’t seem to value me either, i have hardly any hours and in turn no money. I’ve hardly eaten anything in the past few days.

it’s so strange being stuck in this place where im taking care of myself and doing the things i need to and still being so detached and unmotivated. it hasn’t been like this in a long time. everything feels off.

not to mention my home life is just me waking up and already being yelled at for something I don’t even know about, it’s like I could open my eyes the wrong way and get scolded for it. she asks me if im okay and I try to say what’s wrong and she reverts back to “but im hurting too” why even bother asking me if you’re going to just talk about yourself

im never being taken seriously. the only time that i think even my group therapy took me seriously is when i sliced up my arm I remember they were talking about a girl and how “brave she was for being able to show her cuts in the open and talk about them to the group” meanwhile when I talked about my cuts but never showed them, I was almost brushed off. I had cuts that I could fit my fucking hand into, and they didn’t. Even. Believe me.

now I know this post is long and jumpy and inconsistent, and I don’t really care if anyone reads it, but if you do, I’m sorry for the jumping around. I haven’t been able to talk about anything to anyone in a long time. at least not really, not without the making it a competition and telling me it could be worse or saying some people have REAL problems as if my brain doesn’t tell me to drive off the road or cut a vein and bleed out or drown myself in the lake out back.

though I don’t harm myself, though I can keep it together and appear so happy and fine, I still think of suicide every day and it hurts to think about all of the people I’d destroy. and as reassurance, no i won’t kill myself. im not going to let my progress end like that, i know I have good things in my life, im just going through a hard time. high functioning mental illness is something else man.

the past few days have left me so out of it especially. they’ve been the worst. Saturday was a decent day up until my mom left to go out for the night. I was left alone with my thoughts, and then those thoughts blurred out into nothing. just alone. no energy. no motivation. no one to talk to. just emptiness. I walked from room to room without a sound, just to lay down and stare at a wall or ceiling for an hour at a time. I didn’t eat, didn’t sleep. just was there. finally i got up and just fucking bawled my eyes out, thoughts of suicide and self harm bombarded me, I felt so fucking depressed it was like a tidal wave was trying to drown any ounce of sanity i had left. some scars I had forgotten about found their way back to the surface of my neck and boy for some reason that fucked me up, i forgot I even cut my neck, it brought back that sharp hot pain and all the sensations that run through your body. it was terrible, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. and finally I reached out to my cousin, though she had plans, she offered to come get me and hang out at my place with her friend and boyfriend and thank fucking god i did, I would’ve been a mess if she hadn’t. im glad I didn’t try to cancel on her either. my boyfriend was supposed to stay over but ended up cancelling that night too. and he was supposed to come over today. slept through us hanging out. people tend to treat my schedule as if it’s something they can erase and write in a later time or date with no consequences. and gaslight me for being upset about it. All I ever ask for is communication, that’s it. Talk to me, I won’t be upset, but if you lie to me, that’s a slap in the face. I don’t understand how I can literally tell you “it’s fine if you don’t want to hang out or talk, but you need to let me know asap so I can adjust my plans” and you still lie to my face or just disregard me completely. I’ve had people tell me 10 minutes before I’m supposed to get them “nah sorry fam” and that’s it. Only to find out they made better plans and are posting about it all over the place.

it’s fucking shitty. everything has been shitty. I can’t afford food or anything for that matter, my friends aren’t really even there, my boyfriends always busy doing whatever he does, my mom doesn’t listen to a damn word I have to say, my work doesn’t feel like home anymore (I used to LOVE going to work and getting to make people feel beautiful and talk about new shit and now it feels like a chore, I’m not treated like a valued employee anymore rather than disposable).

all i can do is continue to exist in this cycle of high function dissociation.

next topic on miahs 5 years of nothing talked about post: self love vs self hatred

as i said before, im actually taking care of myself. I’ve had hip bursitis for years now that has turned me into a borderline cripple with excruciating pain at almost all times of the day, and this is another thing that people don’t take seriously. my mom calls me a hypochondriac and that it’s not that bad, everyone just…dismisses it i guess? regardless, this is a thing that’s impaired me during my daily life and it’s only added on to the various health issues that make it hard to feel healthy and love my body.

I’ve always been critical of myself, specifically my appearance. I’ve made lists of things I hate about myself. I’ve had people contribute to this, but it’s not anyone’s fault that I did the things I did to myself except my own. 3 years ago I graduated high school at my highest weight and met a person who would end up being my inspiration to losing weight the wrong ways. we were both entirely toxic to each other and I ended up using laxatives and throwing up, and not eating and working out excessively to lose 70lbs in less than 6 months. the only problem is that I didn’t see a change in my weight, i felt like I was just as fat, just as disgusting as when I started. it was obsessive for me to lose weight. and everyone congratulated me on the success I’ve had. until cosmetology school where I ended up gaining all of it back due to lack of time for exercise and heavy depression and my hip problems. (also congrats if you’re still reading this, im not entirely sure when ill stop writing) i felt like I failed myself, and every time I tried to adjust my diet I’d just end up not eating and it scared me, I didn’t want to be back to that place. I didn’t want to feel like that again. (Today, I’m actually doing well with my diet and sticking to it in baby steps so I don’t overwhelm myself) granted I still feel guilty every time a crumb of food enters my mouth, I have this weird paranoia that everyone is watching when I eat and that all they think is that I’m fat and of course I’d be eating now. and that’s why I can’t be the only one who eats when I’m with friends, everyone needs to eat so I don’t feel so disgusting I guess?

the few months after I stopped cutting and shit were hard but i was in a pretty good mind set, I think January 2016 was the best I’ve ever been, but as expected it didn’t last. and don’t get me wrong, i cherish the fuck out of the good times I have in my life, I’m not some dick that dismisses all of the good things and just says im a basket case with no hope or friends. I love the people in my life with all of my heart, and I love the good times we have and the good things that happen. but I’ve never been able to discuss and move past all of the bad things. it seems like I’m being told to just push it back farther and farther because they don’t want to have to deal with it right now. and i could be wrong, and for some of those people I am wrong. but again, their responses to whenever I do open up are disheartening, and some don’t mean to come off that way but it persists. which makes me question why do I even bother. see, this a good platform for me to vent because it’s just that, I don’t need anyone to reply and say sorry or tell me I’m wrong, it’s just here and I got it out. that’s all I’ve been trying to do.

I’ve really never wanted any advice, i know what I need to do and what’s right and what’s wrong, its an ongoing battle for me, and I just needed someone to listen. and that never happened, there was always competitive comparisons, always criticism, always gaslighting, always dismissive. And maybe it’s because when I actually try to TALK, I freeze up and can’t say what I need to in the right way. but still! More than half the time I open up, I just get more reasons to shut back down. back to self love and shit (sorry), I’m trying to love myself despite what it sounds like. just because a big part of me only holds dislike for myself, doesn’t mean there isn’t a part that just wants to love. it’s just been years of these expectations and standards forced down my throat to the point where quite honestly, I’m fucking confused I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t

I’m not gonna get into relationships for the soul fact that I could go on for days about them and this is post is way longer than I anticipated already SO. That’ll be another day (probably tonight since I’m to the point of just not giving a fuck and dishing out every emotion I’ve felt in the last 5 years)

and again back to self love, lately, i don’t weigh myself because I know that if I do, I’ll get depressed and obsessive again and I really can’t deal with it now. I hate my stomach first and foremost. that’s literally the main thing that I just want to cut off my fucking body. i half the time can’t even look at myself because I’ll just get stuck in one of those fuck you miah states. and to address something real *quick*, I don’t need the, “well stop complaining and do something about it” BITCH I AM. I am actually doing everything for it!! but my shitty brain doesn’t let me see progress, for all i know I could have lost 30 lbs and still think I look exactly the same (and part of the reason why I chose yoga was because it all stems from your core so it’s always engaged…and it’s hot yoga so I sweat out at least a pound every time I go, and I went every day last week) i dunno why I can never see positive changes, but when I lost all that weight back in 2014, I didn’t even go down a bra size, let alone pant size and that really fucked me up. It was weird having people compliment me and say how good i looked but still felt the same size. I don’t get it, I could see the numbers go down but my eyes never saw a damn change on myself. Imagine losing 100lbs and still being the same pant size. And I did think we’ll maybe it’s because I still hated myself and was losing weight in an u healthy way but even now with me doin all these great things for my body, I see no change at all. I jus wanna be healthy now, not skinny.

^^talking about my body is my least favorite thing to do so if you have anything to say about it please just don’t, I’m jus here to get this shit off my chest.

I think im just about done, currently brainstorming to see if I missed anything or if I want to touch back on certain things. All that’s left I think is relationships?? So maybe I will write a bit about it? ….I wrote about it then deleted all of it because without going into brutal detail there’s no reason for it to be shoved into this.

I’m pretty sure I’m finished, I may or may not ever check back in here to update or whatever. I guess we’ll see.

If you made it to the end, congrats you spent 15 to 25 minutes reading an absolute mess of a post. Hopefully you could keep up with all my jumping around.

#tw #trigger warning #kinda #vent #personal #depression #ed #anxiety #self care #self journey #the many ups and downs that are my life #I'll read this late and think about how fucking crazy I sound

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