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#akaashi angst
fuyuluvr · 3 months
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i didn't mean it.
synopsis: your boyfriend says something and makes you insecure.
characters: iwaizumi, akaashi x gn!reader
warnings: angst to fluff
note/s: reuploading my old haikyuu works so don't mind me!
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iwaizumi:
you were on your way to iwaizumi’s house after oikawa texted you that he was being extra mean today. you held a box of pizza in one hand, as you texted oikawa back saying that you’ve gotten it under control.
once you got to his house, his mother opened the door with a relieved look on her face when she saw that it was you by the door. with a small goodluck. she sent you up to her son’s room.
you noticed that the hallway leading to your boyfriend’s room was messy. you sighed, knowing it was a result of him being fidgety. he couldn’t help it. and you can never blame him for that.
knocking twice on his room, you opened his door and saw him looking stressed by his desk. a few crumpled pieces of paper littered his floor as his head was between his hands, clenching his hair in frustration.
“haji?” you called out, noticing the rejected letter from one of the few universities he applied to.
he didn’t seem to hear you, having himself be lost in his thoughts. you closed the door quietly and set the food to the side. you carefully walked to where he was, not wanting to startle the stressed ravenette.
apparently, you weren’t careful enough as his head snapped when you accidentally stepped on a piece of plastic that you didn’t notice was there.
“what are you doing here?” his voice was straight up venom. the tone caught you off guard.
“oikawa texted me saying that you were in a bad mood.” you explained, taking a step closer to him in a means of wanting to comfort him.
“yeah well, i am. i think you should go for now.” iwaizumi said, not looking at you. you swallowed on nothing as you shook your head.
“i want to help, haji.” he scoffed. you knew it was all due to stress… or so you hoped.
“clearly you’re not helping around by staying here,” he retorted. your hands stilled by your sides.
“hajime, you know bottling up isn’t good for you.” you reasoned out. he rolled his eyes at you.
iwaizumi couldn’t help but ruffle his hair in irritation. he knew you had good intentions. you always did. but all he could think about right now is his stress and overthinking. all rational thoughts left the room by this point.
“bottling up is better than to talk with someone like you.” he didn’t mean that. or, that’s what you want to think.
“what’s that supposed to mean…?” your voice dropped. iwaizumi turned to face you.
“i mean, come on. you always want to know what’s going on with my life. you never let me breathe. i can think for myself. i don’t need you butting in with your irrelevant opinions. you keep talking as if your opinions matter to me.” his words came tumbling down, he couldn’t control it.
your eyes widened, something iwaizumi didn’t notice once more. too caught up in his rage to notice how you took in his words.
you never let me breathe.
you keep talking as if your opinions matter to me.
you nodded, keeping your emotions in check. iwaizumi finally stopped with his rambling.
“i understand, haji. i should go.” iwaizumi knew he should stop you, but he didn’t.
later that night, you received almost a ten page essay’s length of explanation and apologies. despite reading it and replying that it was okay, you couldn’t help but feel the hollowness in your chest as his words kept replaying in your head.
by the next few days, iwaizumi acted as if nothing happened and you did the same. your boyfriend, however, noticed that there was something off. he thought of it as the aftermath of the small outburst he accidentally let out on you.
it was by the second week that he noticed that you stopped arguing with him in terms of his choices, letting him wear that god-awful plaid pants oikawa bought him so they can match, letting him choose the movie even though he knew you didn’t like it.
the last straw was during your movie night. when he asked you if you wanted to eat chicken or pizza. he knew that it would trigger a response from you since you’ve always fought him in favor of chicken. it was a weird quarrel over the two of you that became a routine. so, when you gave him a shrug in response, he finally couldn’t let that go.
“what’s up with you?” iwaizumi asked as you were scrolling through your phone, staying unbothered. the time you spent on just agreeing with him made you used to just not giving his words a second thought and letting him lead the relationship. sure, you missed your old conversations but whenever you want to fight back, those words just keep circulating in your mind.
you knew it was due from his stress but you couldn’t help but feel like there has always been a root to his outburst.
“what?” you replied, still scrolling on your phone.
“is there something bothering you?” you shook your head, boring your eyes to the same video that looped in your instagram.
iwaizumi took your phone, forcing you to talk to him.
“give it back, haji.” you weren’t thrilled to be starting an argument, or a proper conversation with him.
“not until you tell me what’s wrong.” he said, you sighed and raised your hands in defeat.
“if you say there’s something wrong, then that’s on you. i can’t change what you think.”
“what are you talking about?”
“nothing.” iwaizumi was getting pretty fed up with the attitude you were showing him.
you knew it was petty, but you were too far to go back.
“(y/n)-” “let’s just watch the movie.” “fine.” iwaizumi gave up, sitting beside you.
“what do you want to watch?” he asked, turning to face you.
“you choose.” the television was turned off.
“what is wrong with you. you’ve been acting weird lately. first you stopped hanging around me and then you won’t even respond with your own decisions.” you sighed, not wanting to talk. in fear of accidentally breaking down.
“now you won’t even talk to me. what is wro-”
“god, you tell me i don’t give you room to breathe and my opinions are irrelevant and now you suddenly ask me what’s wrong.” you finally let out, tears pricking your eyes. iwaizumi’s eyes widened at your outburst.
you harshly wiped your eyes with the back of your hand, wanting nothing but to disappear so you don’t have to face him staring at you with confused expressions.
“what do you want from me?” you bitterly laughed. iwaizumi wanted to do something, so he did the first thing he thought of and pulled you to his chest.
you resisted, trying to pry yourself out of his grip. the both of you know that you were no match for iwaizumi’s strength as he pulled you even closer every time you try to move away.
“let me go.” your voice was muffled by his shirt. he held on tighter, wanting to erase those words he said.
“i’m sorry.”
“okay, now let me go.” he obliged a bit, letting you breathe as he pulled away from you slightly.
“i know you don’t want to hear my explanation. and i know you don’t want to hear a sap apology.” iwaizumi started, you nodded. willing yourself to listen to him right now.
he breathed in and out before he took a hold of your hands.
“i’m sorry for saying those words. i should have never said those things. especially when all you wanted to do was help.” you couldn’t help but notice how his voice got softer as he tightly gripped your hands.
“i was really stressed and i had no right taking it out on you. your opinions matter the most to me and you’re my breather whenever it gets hard to breathe.” you couldn’t help but snort at his cheesy words. he heard that sound and smiled a little, knowing you were loosening up and feeling a bit better.
“kind of corny, if you ask me, haji.” you said, he smiled at you before rolling his eyes playfully.
“whatever, loser.”
you leaned closer and pecked his cheek as a sign of acceptance on his apology. you knew that he was genuine. knowing that hajime has a hard time showing his feelings.
he smiled before turning on the television once more.
“okay, time to watch godzilla.” “no, we’re watching (fave show)-”
ah yes, this is how it should be.
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akaashi:
nothing went right in practice. bokuto was far more uncooperative, his rotation team kept missing his sets, and the other team kept reading his sets.
akaashi knows that this type of thing happens. there will never be a guarantee that you will win a match in volleyball. he knew that, but he couldn't help but think that it was his fault.
the setter is the one who touches the ball the most. the one who leads the orchestra.
it didn’t help ease akaashi’s nerves that he was on the edge and has been on the edge since the past few practice matches.
“hey, akaashi! lighten up, buddy!” bokuto said, slapping akaashi’s back with force. he nodded, trying not to let his irritation show. he knew that the team is lowkey terrified when akaashi gets irritated. the last thing he wants is to drive tension between him and his team.
the rest of the practice went by smoothly, or in akaashi’s thoughts, in a very mediocre way. that ‘smooth’ is just the nice term for it.
“akaashi!” this was the worst possible timing. he didn’t want to see you. at least, not right now. especially when he’s in a bad mood. “darling, what are you doing here?”
“konoha texted me and said you weren’t feeling okay, that’s what i’m here for!” you smiled as you pulled him into a hug, not minding that he was a bit sweaty before you pulled away to talk to the managers in glee.
akaashi sighed and headed to the showers. he planned to just drop you off in your house and deal with this on his own.
but of course, you wouldn’t let him. he let you hold his hand and drag him around while the both of you were on the way home.
you were happily talking about the newest episode that just released. akaashi was mindlessly listening, he wasn’t ignoring you but he didn’t want to deal with you as of the moment.
“right, so anyway. then an unexpected twist came like it was so unexpected! i did have my suspicions though! so, it’s all good.” akaashi was getting distracted by his thoughts, not giving you a reply instead of a mindless nod.
“akaashi!” you said loudly, startling the stressed setter.
“will you shut up?” akaashi couldn’t bite back his tongue fast enough as those words tumbled out of his mouth.
you stilled, not knowing how to respond to the outburst. you did feel like you were talking a bit too much, but you didn’t know it was bothering akaashi.
“sorry.” after that, the walk home was tense. none of you knew what to say to each other.
it was when the both of you were at the doorstep when akaashi pulled you into a hug and muttered an apology while his face was buried in your hair. you nodded and pulled away before giving him a smile and pecking his cheek before you went inside.
you knew you were overreacting but his words kind of hurt. you thought back to the endless rambles that you let out on your boyfriend before slapping a palm on your forehead.
you idiot. of course he wouldn’t understand. no wonder he told you to shut up.
with a sigh, you went to your room and tried to ignore his words.
akaashi was the definition of silent but deadly. he knew that his words stung. that’s why he refrained from biting you with his words. but he wasn’t able to stop himself due to the stress of his training.
you figured that he’s finally gotten tired of your rambling about any topic that comes into your mind so you forced yourself to stay quiet.
your boyfriend, almost immediately noticed. he was a powerhouse’s starting setter. he’s supposed to be perceptive in regards to his surroundings.
so, when he noticed that you weren’t having your daily rambles the day after a new episode was released, he knew that you took his words into heart.
“how was the episode last night?” akaashi asked. you were lying down on the floor while you were scrolling down your phone, checking the latest fan theories that were produced due to last night's episode.
your head perked up, ready to rant about how beautifully executed the plot twist was before you remembered who you were talking to.
it was great! the animators brought justice to the manga panel that i was waiting to get animated! then the sound effects were just woah.
there were a lot of things you wanted to say, but you settled and smiled. “it was good.”
“ah, really?” akaashi asked, wanting you to delve into the topic better. you, on the other hand, said nothing and went back to fawning over how your co-fans connect the dots into the most ridiculous yet intriguing theories.
akaashi couldn’t help but see how your eyes shined as you smiled, rereading a certain fanfic with your favorite character on it. you slapped a hand over your mouth as you tried to stop yourself from squealing.
“what are you reading?” by this point, he knew how pathetic he sounds. akaashi was too caught up with his thoughts before that he later on realized that you were his greatest distraction from his self-loathing thoughts.
your voice filled up his ears, going straight to his mind and letting him feel the serotonin that you radiated as you ranted about your favorite series.
but now, it looked as if he was begging for your attention. you looked indifferent to akaashi’s attempt at a conversation, it was petty and you knew that.
“nothing, just a work my friend sent to me.” you said, trying to focus on the words of the selection. akaashi looked down and you thought he gave up. before you knew it, you were on his lap with his arms tight around your waist.
“akaa-”
“read to me, please?” he said, you stayed quiet. he tightened his arms around your waist, placing his forehead on your nape.
“please?” you slowly nodded your head and switched to an online book that akaashi recommended to you. you started off softly, not wanting to piss the setter off just like how you unknowingly did last time.
you finished reading a chapter before you told akaashi to let you go.
“i’m sorry, darling.” you smiled, knowing that he knew why you were quiet. he took a hold of your hand and rubbed your knuckles with his thumb in soothing circular motions.
“i was stressed and my overthinking got the better of me. i didn’t mean to tell you to shut up. quite frankly, i miss your voice. i miss how you talk my ear off with your fictional crushes even though we both know i’m better-” you smacked his arm then laughed. he gave you a smile before continuing. “and i miss how your voice occupies my mind whenever i’m in too deep. i apologize for making you insecure.”
your heart fluttered at his words, akaashi has always been quite straightforward. so, with a smile, you pecked his cheek and nuzzled closer to him.
“i’m sorry for not noticing you weren’t in the mood.” your voice was muffled by his chest, you felt him shake his head and pull you against him tighter.
“nonsense, my darling. that's still not an excuse for me to do that to you. now, how about we watch the new episode last night? i didn’t get to watch it.” akaashi knew that you were excited as you nodded and pulled away, your eyes were shining in excitement as akaashi turned his laptop on and searched for the site.
the episode started, akaashi was asking questions to which you responded with enthusiasm making akaashi smile at your mood.
this was what he almost ruined, and he couldn’t dislike himself more. but when you cuddled closer to his side and intertwined your fingers together while keeping your eyes on the series and narrating the scenes he didn’t get. he vowed to never be the reason for your eyes to lose your shine.
after the episode, the two of you cuddled and just admired each other before one of you drifted to sleep, your grip on each other still tight as you succumbed into slumber.
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rewh0re · 1 year
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SLEEPING ON THE COUCH AFTER AN ARGUMENT
Ft.: Kuroo Tetsurou, Akaashi Keiji
Angst but with fluff at the end. Just my boys kuroo and Akaashi and sleeping on the couch after an argument. Reblogs + interactions are highly appreciated!!
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༊ KUROO
Kuroo cannot sleep. It's nearly 3 in the morning and he's twisting and turning on the bed for about an hour now, unable to fall asleep. The other side of his bed seems unnaturally cold and empty due to your lack of presence. You both had gotten into an argument about 2 hours prior. You had tried to convey your thoughts across to him about how worried you were that he was overworking himself and in his state of tiredness he was definitely not in the mood for your nagging. He took out his annoyance on you which resulted in some back and forth yelling before you decided to give him some space and sleep on the couch. But it had been hours and however much he denied it, Kuroo could not sleep without you. So, deciding to swallow his stupid pride he went out to the living room just to find your shivering self on the couch. You had a thin blanket on and it was a cold night.
"I know you're not sleeping," he whispered as he knelt by the couch to look at you.
What he saw broke him, there were dried tears on your face. He always fell apart when he saw you cry.
"Look I'm really sorry for what I said. Half of those things, I didn't mean them and neither should I have uttered them in the first place. It has happened now and as much as I wish I could change it, I can't. So, I'm asking you to forgive me y/n. I'm really really sorry. I love you so much ," he stroked your cheek and you could not pretend anymore. You slowly opened your eyes to look at him.
"You do?" You asked silently.
"More than you could ever know, love. You're the best thing that's happened to me. You're not nagging when you worry about me. I'm sorry for saying that. I was annoyed and irritated and tired and I took it out on you like a fool. I've said hurtful things and I feel terrible for it. Forgive me please," he looked at you with so much love and adoration as he asked for forgiveness that you broke again. You sniffled a little before cracking a small smile.
"I've said some hurtful things as well. Things I shouldn't have said. I'm sorry," you whispered to him.
"It's okay. Come back to bed now love. Tomorrow, I'm taking the day off and we'll do whatever you want to do. Sounds good?" He smiled at you, stretching his hand towards you for you to take it.
"Sounds perfect," you smiled as you took his hand in yours.
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༊ AKAASHI
Arguments with Akaashi were rare. Most of the time, you both would talk things out and solve the problem rationally rather than lashing out. You both tried to be logical and tried to communicate no matter how tired or angry you both were. But sometimes however, that was just not the case. Sometimes, things got out of hand, anger overpowered your more rational sides and things got ugly. Tonight just happened to be one of those nights. Honestly, you don't even know how the argument started. You just knew that both of you were exhausted from work and on top of that things had been rough in your personal life lately. These reasons probably got to you and an argument took place. You both had verbally hurt each other to the extent that Akaashi decided to sleep on the couch, unable to fight anymore. He left you in the bedroom alone and fuming. But the moment he picked up a blanket and went to the couch, regret immediately filled you up. You ran after him to the living room where he laid on the couch. God, he didn't even have a pillow under his head, his neck would hurt like crazy in the morning.
"Keiji," you called out his name and as you expected, there was no answer from him.
"Keiji I'm sorry," you sat at the end of the couch where his feet were propped up on the hand rest.
"I let my anger and frustration take over me and said some pretty shitty things. I'm sorry I really did not mean them. I would never," at that, he looked up at you to see your eyes getting teary as a frown took over your face.
"Don't cry y/n," he sat up and brought himself closer to you.
"I don't know what took over me. I'm so sorry. I always try to be calmer and more thoughtful while speaking but today I don't know. Work has been stressful and I probably took that out on you. Something I shouldn't have done and something I highly regret," you took his hand as you looked at him.
"I said some pretty awful stuff to you too, you know. You're not entirely at fault here. I'm sorry. Next time, I'll try to be more thoughtful and I'll definitely not yell at you again," he gave you a small smile as he opened his arms for you to hug him. You gladly did.
"Me too. Come to bed now. You didn't even bring a pillow with you. Do you want your neck to hurt?" He laughed a little at that.
"Always thinking about me aren't you," he hugged you tighter.
"Mhm. Keiji?" You started as you broke the hug to look at him. "We're okay right?"
"We will be, love."
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kemistre · 9 months
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εïз┊𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒 — feat. tsukshima kei, sugawara koushi, kageyama tobio, bokuto koutarou, akaashi keiji, sakusa kiyoomi, tendou satori
synopsis. in which he hears you say you don't like him
— content warnings. angsty, crying, panic attacks — word count. 3, 559
εïз┊author's note. this is sad, this is angsty. some of these are way longer than they should be, but you're welcome for the food <3
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εïз┊t. kei
he was looking for you with yamaguchi by his side, his headphones around his neck as he glanced around for you, his hand in his pockets. he was going to walk you home, like usual. like the two of you had been doing since you met. ao, when he heard you say his name, his full name, from behind the corner, he stopped his friend with his arm, listening closely to what you were saying.
“tsukishima?” you questioned the friend you were talking to.
“no i don’t like him, he’s rude and just doesn’t work towards anything, it’s frustrating.” you scoffed, and as much as tsukishima didn’t want to admit it, he felt his eyes widen, his heart stopped for just a moment.
“i’m just around him because tadashi’s his friend.” yamaguchi’s mouth hung open, shocked at your words as he looked at his friend. tsukishima took a deep breathe before stepping out from around the corner, a deep scowl on his lips.
“good thing I don’t like you either.” he spoke, walking passed you and not looking back. he didn’t really know why he felt like punching something at that moment, you just walked home with him. you came to a few of his games and practices. there was no reason for him to be this upset. there was no reason for his chest to hurt so bad.
εïз┊k. tobio
he left the gym, going to fill up his water bottle that had been emptied for the second time that day. practice had been rough on the boy for a few days. for reasons unknown, he wasn’t feeling up to playing volleyball, which was completely unlike the kageyama tobio everyone knew. instead, he wanted to hang out with you. he didn’t know why. the feeling that arose in his stomach every time he talked to you was foreign, something he’d never felt before nor experienced. he’d done his research here and there though nothing helped his confusion on the matter.
but because of this same reason, he was avoiding you any chance he got. he wasn’t  ready to talk to you yet, because he knew, he just knew he wouldn't be able to form a sentence in front of you until he knew just why his stomach felt so…fluttery whenever he even looked at you. as he stood at the water fountain near the entrance to the school, he glanced to the side, not expecting to see you walking in his direction without realizing he was there. swiftly and quickly, he put the cap back on his bottle and sped to hide behind the large tree that hung over the water fountain, thankfully it was big enough to shield him from your sight. though much to his dismay, your friend had stopped by the fountain for a drink, making you stop and continue the conversation he’d seen you having from afar.
“i just can’t stand him, he’s so awkward.” you rolled your eyes, your hands smoothing back your hair. “and he’s just so obsessed with that sport, if he talks, it’s about volleyball!” you looked so frustrated. who were you talking about? was it someone on the team? kageyama didn’t really know if you were close with anyone else on the team. unconsciously, he leaned towards you, trying to hear as much as he could before you both left. your friend wiped the extra water off their chin.
“yeah, that does sound annoying. can’t you just tell him to stop?”
“well, i’ve thought about it. but even if i do tell him to stop, then he just wouldn’t talk at all.” as you and your friend began walking again, he almost thought about asking you who it was, until your friend spoke once more.
“poor kageyama,” they nudged your arm with their elbow, you could practically hear the grin in their tone. “his only friend talking shit behind his back, he’s lonely enough as it is y/n!” you scoffed, though soon grinned as well.
“i’m sorry he’s just so unlikeable! It’s impossible not to talk shit!” kageyama stood still. unmoving. looking at nothing but your back as you walked away, his eyes wide and mouth agape. what was this feeling he felt in his stomach? yet another unfamiliar feeling, though this one was more, painful, sickening, than the fluffy one he’d felt not too long ago. you were talking about him. not someone else. he was right here, listening to you say you didn’t like him. he was right there, and you didn’t know.
kageyama’s breathe sped up, his chest rising and falling anxiously as you faded into the distance. his first thought, a thought you would’ve probably hated, was to go get a volleyball. go play volleyball. get a volleyball. go, go, go. this thought swarmed through his head like bunches of little bees, and he hated it.
before he knew it, he was back at the gym, his water spilling from the grip he’d had on the bottle. the only thing he could see was that ball right in front of him on the gym floor, and not the people around him trying to help their teammate. “kageyama!” at the sound of hinata's loud voice, he snapped out of whatever trance he was in, staring at the finger while also realizing the amount of people that watched him. “you’re crying, kageyama.” hinata's voice lowered, a concerned tone overpowering the previous annoyed one.
kageyama raised a hand to his face, wiping at his cheek, realizing that yes, he had been crying. and for some reason, some unknown reason, he was now fully aware of the nauseous, painful, overbearing feeling in his entire body. and within seconds, he collapsed. kageyama tobio had never experienced love before. kageyama tobio had never experienced heartbreak before. and now, he’ll never experience either ever again.
εïз┊s. koushi
he had been on his way out of the school to go home on his day off from practice. a day he’s been looking forward to, not because he’s not going to practice, but because he finally gets to spend some one on one time with you. something you two hadn’t really gotten in a long time. he thought that maybe, just maybe this was the day  he finally asked you out. after months upon months of countlessly chickening out, his teammates somehow got him to agree to confess. he was a little more excited than he should’ve been as his eyes scanned the courtyard for you. you two had agreed on a meeting place so he could technically pick you up and you’d walk together! he really, really hoped everything would go smoothly. he had his whole confession mapped out, he prepared and practiced beforehand so he didn’t look like a complete buffoon in front of you, his only real crush since junior high.
he peaked around the corner of the school, a place he’d always been so excited for school ever since he met you. you made him want to learn even more, to grow so much more. he loved being there with you. as he peaked around the corner, he caught a glimpse of your hair, along with you and your best friend’s voice talking as best friends would. naturally, he didn’t want to interrupt your conversation, so he decided to simply wait by scrolling through his phone until your conversation finished to let you know he was there. and though he didn’t mean to eavesdrop, how could he not?
“i thought you liked him y/n?” “me? Like him? no way.” your voice was low, serious and harsh, catching sugawara off guard. “i thought he was like…the responsible friend of the group. someone who could be chill and not some chaotic fiend like his volleyball friends. he’s just as bad as them and it’s infuriating.” you scoffed, making a pit form in his stomach. who were you talking about? noya? tanaka? he thought you enjoyed everyone on the team.
“but suga’s so nice, you shouldn’t talk about him like that.” your friend's tone was a little more glum than expected and your response was nothing he’d ever think you’d say.
“hmm? i mean not really, he’s just really weird.” his breathing hitched, his heartbeat growing faster and faster by the second. he clutched his phone in his hand, eyes wide as he let the startling information settle in. you…didn’t like him? you didn’t like him. you thought he was weird.  you thought he was infuriating. you didn’t like him.
you couldn’t say that about him, that couldn’t have been you. maybe he mixed you up with someone else because you wouldn’t say that about him. he could’ve sworn you felt the same way. though the fact slowly but surely invaded each and every thought in his mind, making it spin as he left. he walked away, not exactly being able to think right at that moment. he didn’t know how long it took him to wander his way back to his house, his eyes never leaving the ground he walked on.
he opened his house's front door, going in and slowly shutting it as his forehead leaned against the hard wood. “y/n hates me…” though he whispered, the three words echoed through the empty house. soon his whole body weight shifted to lean against the door, his arms stealing himself, his knees buckling before him as he fell to the ground. tears upon tears spilled from his eyes, loud sobs coming from his now sore throat.
he hoped today would go smoothly, and he thought he came up with the worst case scenario. but this…this was truly the worst outcome he could’ve ever imagined.
εïз┊b. koutarou
he said his goodbyes to akaashi before practically running to the classroom you and he shared. today was your one year anniversary...only of being friends… but! it was still an anniversary he’d like to celebrate. he thought for a surprise he’d give a VIP pass to his next game! even if it was just a piece of paper he colored on, he still thought it would mean a lot. he was so ready as he walked up to the classroom door, which was just cracked, just a bit. as his hand brushed the handle to open it, he heard your pretty voice, so he thought he’d wait for you to come out instead, a giddy excited smile on his face, he couldn’t stand still.
“why are you still hanging out with bokuto, y/n? I thought he annoyed you.” his eyebrows furrowed, through his smile still remain.
“he does, he’s just, too much? his mood swings, his energy that never runs out. it’s too much, and yes, it is annoying.” his usual happy smile grew wobbly, unsteady as he felt his head began to pound.
“so, then cut him off, it’s simple.” you sighed.
“well how do i do that? i have every class with him, that would be awkward. i’ll just wait until we graduate, i could probably put up with him until then.” bokuto, despite everything he just heard, smiled. it wasn’t a pretty one, not anymore.
he gently held the VIP pass in his callous hand, looking down at it as his vision got blurry. tears fell off his cheeks, down to the pass he’d worked so hard to make. he tried so hard to make his writing legible, to make it colorful and pretty, just for you since he knew you liked colorful and pretty. before you could come out of the room, he made sure not to let you see him. he walked away, even if class was just about to start. maybe he could skip class, just this once. 
εïз┊a. keiji
he strolled throughout the school looking for you, though in no particular rush. he was a little anxious, a little scared to talk to you since once he did find you, he was going to tell you how he felt. something bokuto and konoha had been pressuring him to do for the few years he’d known you. he’d had a crush on you, liked you ever since he told you about his love for writing and reading. you’d supported him when he said he wanted to make a living from it, you smiled and said you’d read his books. that was probably one of his happiest and giddiest moments. he almost fell in love with you on the spot. usually, he was not one to trust people too quickly, but you were the exception. you made him feel so safe, like he was in the right place when he was by your side.
it was such an indescribable feeling he felt when he sees you smile, laugh, giggle, anything of the sort. your smile was contagious, your laugh as well. It was something he thought he’d never be able to go a day without. so, as he was just about to walk around the corner, he suddenly heard your laugh, your giggle and immediately stopped in his tracks as a lopsided smile appeared on his lips. and despite him wanting to be respectful and give you your privacy while talking to your friend, he couldn’t help but listen as he stood listening to your giggles.
“no, no! they’re actually pretty stupid. like the ideas themselves are terrible but then he’s actually worse at putting them onto paper.” akaashi’s smile turned into one of confusion. since when did you talk so harshly towards people? and he was even more confused that you weren’t talking to him about this, you told him everything. did someone make you upset? he could surely help you if you talked to him.
“is it really that bad?”
“it is, plus he’s just so quiet and he stares…a lot and honestly it’s really uncomfortable.” someone made you uncomfortable? suddenly he felt himself become more engaged in your conversation, wanting to figure out just who made you feel the way you did. was it someone in your class? it must have been, right?
“aww well that sucks, he was kinda cute too.”
“i mean, the looks go to waste when you have a terrible personality.” your voice got quieter as you and your friend began walking away. “i guess that just means akaashi will never get in a relationship cuz if  i don’t like him, no one will.” akaashi leaned against the wall, your voice playing on repeat in his head. you were talking about him? the whole time? he made you uncomfortable? he stared at you? he lacks personality? his writing was terrible, stupid..?
a sudden pain coursed through his chest as he dragged a hand over his slightly opened mouth, shocked and confused. his chest tightened, and although this anxious feeling was one he experienced quite often, this time it was for a reason he’d never been through before. and before he knew it, his vision blurred, his head grew fuzzy, and he felt…small. yiny and trapped inside the ways of his overthinking and pained mind. he was truly hoping to walk out of school with your hand in his. instead, he ran out, pained and crying. 
εïз┊o. tooru
he was wandering throughout the school, looking for you specifically. not only did he want you to come to practice and watch him since he knew you enjoyed seeing him play, but he just wanted to spend as much time with you as possible. you were his first crush in a while, so it’d only make sense for him to want to be around you so much. yes, he does admit it’s a lot, but he just doesn’t want to lose you.
he was in an especially good mood today, not for any particular reason, he just…was so grateful to have you around. you were like the sun in his life, his beacon of light and hope he couldn’t get anywhere else. you made him feel like he was enough, that he’s done his best throughout his life. and truly, just seeing your smile was enough to brighten his day, being around you in general made his day so much better. he really didn’t know what he’d ever do without you. that was his last thought as he heard your voice coming from around the corner, the angelic voice he loved to hear every single day.
“oikawa?” he thought you knew he was there, but when you kept talking, he stopped where he stood. “that self absorbed jerk? what about him?” his genuine smile he’d had all day fell into a confused frown as he tried to process your words.
“i’m shocked you deal with him all the time.”
“yeah i know, he’s so clingy, and not to mention a volleyball obsessed arrogant narcissist, that’s it, i can’t stand him sometimes.” your voice rose without you knowing it, your friend that stood with you telling you to calm down.
oikawa’s pulse quickened, his breathing unsteady though he put a smile on his face once more as he walked around the corner. but this smile was one of a pure facade he’d perfected oh so long ago. “y/n-Chan~ i’ve been looking everywhere for you!” he laughed, giggled as he through an arm around your shoulder. though he heard you, loud and clear, he’d pretend he heard nothing. nothing at all because he knew his heart couldn’t handle the pain of letting you go so soon.
εïз┊s. kiyoomi
he walked throughout the crowded hallways, heading to volleyball practice like any other day. though, today was a bit different since you weren’t with him. usually you’d walk next to him, talking his ear off while he went to practice after school, but not today apparently. it confused him, worried him, but he wouldn’t say it outloud. it was as he was rounding a corner that he understood why you weren’t with him, you were leaning against the wall, holding your books, your friend talking to you about something. he didn’t want to be nosy, so he was just going to go around, it wasn’t any of his business. until he heard his name.
“sakusa? no, of course i don’t like him, he’s an asshole,” his eyebrows furrowed, you said it in such an obvious tone, it confused him. your friend agreed. was he rude? he didn’t think he’d ever been mean to you, so why? “and just between us, volleyball isn’t as cool as he thinks it is. i don’t know why he wants to do it professionally. it’s-”
at that point, he left. he didn’t need to hear anymore, he knew where you stood and he wouldn’t bother you anymore. it was an interesting feeling, because while he was angry, he was hurt and for the first time in a long time, he felt his vision get blurry, tears filling them to the brim. why would he cry for you? why did his heart just break in two? if you’d just waited a little longer, he might’ve gotten warmed up to you. showed you his soft, vulnerable side.
but now, standing on the court playing alongside a professional team, doing what he loved, he’s glad he didn’t show you anything. he’s glad he didn’t have you standing next to him, but he hopes you see him. see him on your TV and think to yourself, ‘wow, he did it.’ because now, he knew he didn’t need you. 
εïз┊t. satori
he pranced around looking for you throughout the dorms. you both were going to hang out and he was told to meet you near the entrance of the dorms. he was super excited because after a lot of thinking, he decided this would be the day he told you he liked you. you’d been friends for a while, about six months, and throughout those months, he grew to have a huge crush on you. you just treated him, normally. you weren’t freaked out by him like many others were and he was always grateful for that. because you were different.
but as he was about to round a corner, he heard your voice and his first thought was to hide and scare you once you turned around, he always he that to you, it was something that was just kinda a part of your friendship. so, he leaned his back against the wall, smirking to himself as you spoke with your friend, someone he’d never met but that was fine with him. “i should probably go, tendou will be here in a few minutes.” you complained, fed up and annoyed. it made him worry a bit, but he knew he could cheer you up, like all the other times!
“tendou? you still hang out with him?”
“yeah, for some reason i still do.” you sighed, and tendou’s eyebrows furrowed, confusion the only feeling in his body at that moment, his heartbeat speeding up just a bit. “he just..he just creeps me out. does that make sense?”
“oh yeah, of course it does, i’m pretty sure he creeps everyone out.” tendou’s eyes grew wide as he stared at the ground, a pit forming in his stomach, making him nauseous where he stood.
he couldn’t bring himself to listen to the rest of your conversation, instead just trudging back to his dorm room, his eyes never leaving the floor he walked on. looks like you weren’t different, not different at all.
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taglist :: there's none at the moment but just send me a message to my inbox if you wanna be tagged :3
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k0dzukeiji · 5 months
Text
my manager
Akaashi Keiji x reader
synopsis: you were his, and he was yours, until one day he wasn’t.
genre: lovers>exes
warnings: falling out of love, secret relationship, breakups NOT PROOF READ
wc: 786
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You noticed your boyfriend, Akaashi Keiji growing more distant, but you couldn’t understand why, well at least up until now. It started when Ayumi, a second year from Akaashi’s class was introduced as the volleyball team’s newest manager. Naturally the boys were ecstatic and immediately took a liking to her, even Akaashi.
Ayumi was quick to break through his shell, she was one of the few people who he allowed to see the real him, the side of him that was reserved for only a select few and over time, Akaashi found himself looking at her the way he used to look at you.
When he would see her smile, his heart would melt in the same way it did when he would see you smile. Without you even knowing, Akaashi fell out of love with you, and fell for someone new.
After he realized he wasn’t in love with you anymore, all he felt was guilt. He began to distant himself from you and the two of you began to grow apart. It’d be a lie if you said that you didn’t notice the way Akaashi looked at Ayumi, his eyes were filled with love and admiration. Though it hurt, you knew you had to let him go.
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“I’m sorry (Name), this wasn’t supposed to happen— I didn’t mean for this to happen” The two of you stood outside of the gym. Their game was going to start soon but this conversation couldn’t wait, you couldn’t wait. You needed to talk about this now.
“Don’t be sorry, Keiji. It’s not your fault, Ayumi is an amazing girl.” you spoke, your words gentle as you brought your eyes to meet his, a bitter smile adorning your features as the two of you gaze into his eyes.
“So are you” As you looked into his eyes and though you could tell his words were truthful, the spark that was once there was gone. Without thinking he brings his hand up to your cheek to cup it.
“Can I… Can I kiss you one last time..?” He asked, he knew he shouldn’t have but he wanted to feel your warmth against him one last time before he let you go.
“I’m sorry… I can’t let you do that, It wouldn’t be fair to Ayumi” You said as you pulled away from him.
“Akaashi?” You might as well have drawn a dagger through his heart at that. It ached to hear his last name coming from your mouth, since the beginning he was always Keiji, your Keiji, never Akaashi.
“Yeah..?”
“Thank you for being by my side, I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.” You said turning to him, loosely snaking your arms around him as you hugged him for the last time and without hesitation he hugged you back, cherishing your final embrace.
“Of course… Thank you too, (Name). You’ve always been there for me when I needed you most.” He said resting his chin on top of your head, just like he used to. The two of you stayed like that for a minute until you pulled away.
“I’m letting you go now, Akaashi” You said as you removed your arms from around him and took a step back.
“So this is it? This is where we call it quits?” He said as the same bitter smile you had adorned his features as well.
“Yeah, it is”
“You’ll— you’ll watch me right?” He asked as he stopped in his tracks.
“Of course I will, I’m still your manager after all.” you said, giving him a smile and a thumbs up.
“Right, my manager.” He said with a bitter smile, sounding like he was trying to convince himself that that’s all you were now, his manager.
As you made your way up the stairs to the bleachers all you could think about was Ayumi. Even though you wanted to blame her, you couldn’t. It wasn’t her fault that she was able to melt Akaashi the way you wished you could’ve. It’s not like she knew a you were dating anyway, no one did (well besides Bokuto). When you took your seat beside her she greeted you with a smile, the same smile that made your Keiji become hers.
After what seemed like a thousand years, the whistle finally blew signaling the start of the game. You and Akaashi used to do to this thing where when the first whistle would blow, he’d look up at you for good luck. But this time, he looked up at Ayumi. That’s how you knew your chapter came to an end. Akaashi used to find comfort in you, he used to think of you as his good luck charm, but you’re not any of that anymore. Now, you’re just his manager, and thats all you’ll ever be.
Fin~
•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•
a/n: I’m back from the dead
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mchlgayser · 1 year
Text
✮ us against the problem ft akaashi keiji
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synopsis: Being in a three-year-old relationship with your boyfriend is never a hard task considering how collected, composed, and matured he can be.
─── ୨୧ warning: slight angst, and miscommunication
─── ୨୧ notes: I got my heart broken once again, by a different guy 💔 this pain is unbearable and to stabilize my mental, I'm doing a drabble of the loml akaashi. Question: where to find an Akaashi Keiji? Comment your ideas! ... And feedback, thank you, and happy reading xoxo.
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It was supposed to be a date, a date both you and Akaashi planned. A date to reconnect you both after weeks away from each other. It wasn't a problem for Akaashi since he's rarely going out for work but works at home instead but it was the otherwise for you, you are a flight attendant, always traveling and not home but today you supposed to be back after almost two weeks staying in London, England but a scene broke off that you had delayed your way home two days after. To make matter worse, you accidentally lost your phone at the airport during your work hours.
You've had to try calling him a few times but he wasn't picking up. After the problem was solved you didn't waste a single minute but to get home fast. You need to see your boyfriend. He might be getting worried about your whereabouts and well-being. The next wink, you entered the apartment, you could almost sense the clouded-over surroundings, the curtains is not pushed or tucked away like usual. It was dimmed. You put aside the luggage and stroll to your bedroom. The bathroom is running, so you assumed that he was bathing. You sit on the bed hitting yourself with a strong minty cologne of his. That sweet, peppermint smell hints at a tinge of his lavender-flavored shampoo.
As soon as the faucet closed, you stood up straight like you are in the military. The bathroom door slid open and his sight came into view. His half-bare and damp sight with a clean towel top his disheveled hair. He stops on his tracks, eyes moving from your feet to your face. You croak a nervous smile his way but he stood there, not saying anything.
You try to put on your acts, trying not to be so obvious by the fact that you are overwhelmed by his presence after nearly a month of not seeing each other.
'I missed you.' You said, eyes moving around the room watching him rummage through the closet to put on his shirt and short pant 'Yeah, me too.' He throws aside the towel on the bed and moves outside leaving you in utter disbelief. You try to maintain your cool despite the anger and heat building up in you. You stare at the spot he was at earlier, and pick up the towel he tossed away to go and shower, yourself.
You've had to compose your emotion, after bathing you strut your way to his on the couch 'Why are you like this? Are you fine?' You put the back of your palm to his forehead and he lets you be before he momentarily yanks his face 'I was worried, sick. I wonder where could've you been? Why haven't you answered my calls, and why you ditched me on that date? I was... Worried.' You try to reason with yourself but he cuts you off 'Do you know I was worried! And...! That date, was supposed to be our date, the one you promise to be at to spend our time together. You know, these days, it's fewer attempts from you to reconnect us again...' A hitch breath stuck on your throat, it's tight and suffocating. One more word coming from him, you are sure you'll break down in guilt.
Tears began to form in your eyes, you tilt your head back to dry the tear off and wipe the access 'I... I'm sorry... Something happened that day, when I was supposed to get back and my phone... I lost it, I try calling you a few times using co-worker's phone but you didn't pick up... I'm sorry... I'm sorry Keiji, I'm sorry that it seems like I haven't done enough these past weeks, I'm so, so sorry... I will do better-' He immediately brings an arm around you, his palm on your torso to pull you closer. The tears you fight back so greatly earlier fell like endless rain. You clutch on his shirt as you sobs from guilt and fatigue.
Once you calmed down, Akaashi push you away just a few inches to get a closer look at your face, your eyes swollen and tear-stained, your nose red and almost runny. You sniffle and groan at the same time, your nose clogged from crying and you try to unblock it with a harsh stroke of your nose. He took your balling fists, gripping them and bringing them closer to his cheek, his thumbs caressing the back of your palms and occasionally left kisses on your hand.
'My fault. I didn't hear your side of the story at first but can't help by feeling upset. That was so unlike me. I guarantee you, it'll never happen again. Sorry, Y/n.' You jump on him, hands on his neck burying your face in between his shoulder and collarbone.
'We are both at fault but partially mine if you think about it, and it's okay to show your unusual self to me. I fell in love with you who are you, not only the perfect, mature, and composed Keiji.' He fondled your back leaving featherlight kisses on your neck and down your shoulder.
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iwadori · 2 years
Text
When they sleep on the couch after an argument (Akaashi, Osamu, Oikawa)
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AN: the vibe in each characters is so different, but I hope you enjoy genre: angst, fluff
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Keiji
“Shit, I'm sorry Keiji I didn’t mean too,” were the first words that came out of your mouth when you saw the state of your boyfriend's laptop. “Keiji?” You question again when your boyfriend doesn't respond, “are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” he responds curtly “it’s fine…I’ll just” he gestures to the mess in front of him, “figure something out.”
“I can help clean u-“ you step closer in an attempt to start to help but you pause when Akashi raises his hand to stop you.
“You’ve done enough Y/N,” he interrupts dismissively and stands up and leaves the room.
Fights between you and Akashi were rare, with both of you being good communicators. However, there were moments — like this one — where there wouldn’t even be a need to argue, where all you’d get is a disappointed look and a lack of communication. That’s how you knew Akashi was really mad.
For the rest of the night, you and your boyfriend didn’t speak. You were too apprehensive to talk to him and wanted to give him the space you thought he needed.
But to your surprise when you were getting ready for bed, Akashi wasn’t already in your bed reading like usual. He enters the room, walking past you like you're a ghost and going to take the spare blankets and pillows out.
“‘Kaashi, what are you doing?” You question, “where are you planning on sleeping?”
“Couch”
“Are you really that mad at me?” His dismissive one word answers were starting to get to you and you could hear your voice tear up, Akashi heard it causing him to turn around his face softening at your upset state.
“Y/N,” he started off, “I’m not mad at you.”
“It doesn’t seem that way” you mutter, “I get that I broke your laptop, but you don’t need to ignore me and sleep on the couch, like did I really upset you that much.” You were practically crying at this point, and Akashi was confused. He didn't think he came off that way earlier. He rushes over to you and uses one of his hands to cup your face and the other to wipe any stray tears.
“I really didn’t mean to seem that I was super mad at you,” he said “I was annoyed with you at first and thought taking some space before talking would be better so I didn’t say anything I knew I’d regret. But I realise now that me doing that made it even worse, I’m sorry Y/N.”
“I’m sorry too, but next time talk to me instead of just shutting me out.”
“Don’t worry, that’ll never happen again,” he puts back the blankets and the pillows, getting into your bed instead of going to the couch, “so now will you join me in our bed my love?” His question puts a smile on your face, and he holds out his hand for you to take as he pulls you into his chest, falling asleep happily knowing that your little argument was just that, a little argument.
Osamu
“One job,” Osamu complained “you had one job y/n.”
“I know and I’m sorry, I didn’t know what happened,” you tried to explain to him.
“If I wanted someone to fuck up such a basic task, I would’ve asked ‘tsumu,” he continued to say to you.
“I didn’t intend for your clothes to shrink in the laundry, it just happened,” you countered.
“Oh “it just happened,” he mocked, “it's just— whatever, I’m going to be late to work,” before you could respond he was out the room and you heard the front door slam.
“Osamu?” You call out but to your avail there was no response, he left.
Throughout the rest of the day, you two didn’t speak to each other. Although you felt slightly guilty about shrinking his work clothes whilst you were doing laundry, it wasn’t an excuse for him to snap at you. However, whenever you two argued you both tended to need some time alone to cool down before you made up and went to sleep, so you were going to wait until he came home from work to talk.
But two hours after his usual time of coming home, he hadn’t arrived and you felt slightly panicked. Combining with his abrupt exit earlier, and him not coming home you thought that maybe your actions irritated him more than usual.
After calling Atsumu to see if he knew his whereabouts and getting no answer, you decided to go to onigiri miya to see if maybe he was still there. Having a set of keys to the building, you entered and found your husband in his office, asleep on his couch.
“‘Samu? Wake up,” you say to him.
“Huh what,” he confused, as he slowly sat up, “y/n? What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing here?” You mirror, “what are you doing here? Why didn’t you come home, I was worried about you.”
“What do you mean? What’s the time,” he checks the time on his phone and cringes at how late it is, “Shit, I’m sorry y/n, I didn’t intend to stay out so late.”
“And I didn’t intend to shrink your uniform either,” you counter, “I didn’t think you’d just walk out on me earlier, let alone sleep on the couch, in your office.”
“Honestly, it wasn’t intention babe,” he apologises “and I didn’t mean to yell at you like that earlier, I was just a bit frustrated and took it out on you and I took a nap earlier at work when it wasn’t that busy and just happened to fall asleep, but it wasn’t to avoid you.”
When you didn’t respond to his apology he pulls you onto his lap and snuggles into you on the couch, and continues to say, “I’d never, ever go to sleep without letting you know how much I love you y/n,” he presses a kiss to your forehead “I don’t want you to forget that, as much as we’ve never gone to bed without making up before and we aren’t going to start today.”
Oikawa
“Don’t talk to me right now Y/N,” was what Oikawa said to you when you entered your house.
“Kawa I didn’t mean t-“
“Please Y/N it’s been a long night, can I just shower and get ready for bed,” he didn’t give you enough time to respond as he walked off leaving you alone and feeling guilty.
You and your boyfriend, Oikawa, went out to eat with his friends and you happened to tell a few embarrassing stories about him to lighten the mood. At first, you thought he was okay with it as he laughed along and engaged but after the 5th or 6th story it seemed he was becoming upset. Before you could give a proper apology, he was dragging you home with a sour look on his face as his friends called out for being “too soft.”
When Oikawa finished his shower, you were hoping that it would’ve settled his mood to give you enough time to talk. However, he was getting the spare blankets and pillows and heading for the couch.
“I think you’re being a tad bit dramatic here, Tooru,” you said with a sigh.
“I don’t want to talk to you,” Oikawa said “since it seems whatever I say, you run and go tell anybody you see.”
“It was an accident, I didn’t mean to say all that about you,” you apologise, “we’ve all said things accidentally before.”
“Well could you maybe acicidentally shut the fuck up for once in your life,” oikawa mutters and his eyes widen, “y/n I’m sorry.”
“Yeah I think maybe you should sleep on the couch tonight,” you respond with your voice barely above a whisper
“No please don’t,” he begs “can’t we talk this out?”
“You didn’t want to talk to me earlier when I was trying to apologise to you, so why should I hear you out?” You argue.
“Because I'm an idiot…” he sighs “an idiot who’s sorry and I’m not going to sleep on the couch unless we sort this out.”
“Fine I’ll go sleep on the couch,” you retorted, taking the blankets and pillows from his hand and heading to the couch. You thought that Oikawa retreated, leaving you to have some space but when you feel a pillow drop on the couch and you look up and see your boyfriend sheepishly standing above you. “What are you doing?”
“I’m sleeping on the couch too.”
“There’s no space for the both of us here Tooru, move,” you say, wrapping yourself up in the blanket.
“Oh yes there is,” he counters, you feel his large body engulf yours, with his head nuzzling into the crook of your neck and you could feel his breath against his skin as he murmurs, “I’m sorry,” over and over again.
“What I said was stupid,” he apologises, “and you have every right to be mad but I love you and I’m sorry for snapping at you.”
“Just stop being so dramatic Tooru, half of those stories I told your friends already knew them. I am sorry for sharing embarrassing stories without you wanting me too but there’s no need to snap at you.”
“I know and I forgive you already, do you forgive me?”
“If you take your weight off my leg then I’ll forgive you for sure,” you say and he complies by moving his leg, “can we go back to bed now?”
“No, it’s comfortable here,” he murmurs into your neck as he snuggles into you deeper his arms squeezing around you tighter, you both falling asleep together in the position you were in.
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AN: this was very short, I am very tired, I didn’t know how fluffy or how angsty I should make this so its kind of just this. I think Akaashi would’ve made me actually cried since I hate being ignored, but yes please tell me your thoughts. Reblogs are appreciated.
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morrimorriarts · 8 months
Text
The Reason Why You Love Him
An Akaashi Keiji (Haikyuu) x Reader Oneshot
A one-shot of your relationship with Akaashi - and everything that came with it.
This fic includes: Gender Neutral Reader, Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Sexual Themes, Mild Cursing, Self-starvation,
Word Count: 11k Words
Enjoy!
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THE REASON WHY YOU LOVE HIM
Maybe it's the way he smiled.
When Akashi Keiji smiles, it’s in a soft way - his lips turn up, cheeks rising a little. When he smiles, the people around who see him blushes, for who has ever seen a sight so beautiful?
But when Akaashi Keiji smiles, it’s warm. His mouth curls upwards, his eyes turning to crescents as they smile, too. His lips part to show a bit of his teeth, while gentle pinks seem to bloom at his cheeks. Sometimes, he laughs shortly after, a sound deep from his throat, melodious and comforting.
The first time Akaashi Keiji smiled at you, it was the day you first met.
He sat right next to you, neat and composed as the other students came filing in. It's the first day of school and you thank the heavens the person you are seated with looks gorgeous and smart.
You were the first to speak.
"Hello." Your voice is quiet, almost shy, a part of you is afraid he won't reply. His head rose and he turned to look at you. 
He replied, “Hello.”
You fumble with your greetings and introduction, your own name stumbles out of your lips - there is something about him that has made you a little tongue-tied. When he smiles and gives you his name, your brain is quick to repeat it a second, third, fourth, fifth time. “My name is Akaashi Keiji,” He said, “I hope we get along.”
He smiles. It is the first time you feel your heart skip a beat.
“I’m sure we will.” You respond with a smile.
Maybe it’s his kindness, even if it feels a little limited at times.
Akaashi Keiji knows how to give - all within reason, of course.
He’s the type to lend an eraser or a pencil, but only if it’s the extra.
“Akaashi… can I borrow your pencil?” You asked quietly, leaning to his direction. He looks at you for a brief second, before he turns and opens his pencil case. Soon enough, he’s handing you a pencil, 
And when he handed it towards you, your skin buzzed for a second when the two of you touched, even if it was only for a moment. “I’ll return it after class.” You said, he only nods. When you turn away, there’s a thrum beneath your skin and the pencil lended to you feels like gold.
He’s the type to share his book with you, but makes no move to adjust.
So you move your seat closer to his, peering into his open book as you take note of the lesson. Akaashi is kind enough to wait for you to finish taking notes before turning the page, his own hands working quickly to paste translucent sticky notes along the important details. He has an entire pack of it by his side, scribbling more information on the spaces in between.
Akaashi is kind enough to help you study between classes or to help you clear up confusing lessons.
“Factor them, so you can get rid of some of the components.” Akaashi murmurs, writing on your paper to show you. “Like this.” He said softly, patiently. You nod along as he said, “Okay, now you cancel both the (x+1) on the denominator and numerator.” You follow his instructions, calmed by his patience to teach.
“It’ll be easier for you if you memorize the formulas and such. During the quiz, you’ll probably have no time to keep on doing things manually.” He said.
You laugh sheepishly, “I’ll try… you’ll still help me, right?”
“I can help you study.” He said with finality.
The day of the exam, you lean towards him a little, but before you can even ask for his help, his arm has already covered his answers. He raises an eyebrow at you, which makes you turn back to your own paper.
And yet, when you sulk afterwards, he gives you a small carton of banana milk, though he bumps it on your forehead first before he sets it down.
If not, then maybe it’s his voice.
Because when Akaashi Keiji spoke, he spoke smoothly, he did not stutter nor show signs of doubt. It’s one of the reasons why people like him so much.
You look up at him from your seat, watching him stand as he was called on by the teacher. Akaashi opens his book, beautiful eyes finding where the last reader left off, before he starts to speak. His english is a little heavy, yet flows well as he reads the part of the poem assigned to him.
He distracts you enough that you do not realize when the poem has ended and where your daydreaming began.
Akaashi looks at you, blinking before turning away.
If you weren’t called to read the next part, maybe you would’ve paid more attention and saw how he too, stared as you spoke, soft pink rising up his neck.
And if it’s still not that, then maybe it’s because of his presence alone.
Akaashi sits silently to the side, eating a rice ball as he reads a book. All around you, your friends babble on and on about a new cafe that opened just down the street, a few blocks away from your school.
You’re about to say that you want to go to the aquarium instead, when the others started to gush all about the food that they want to try out in the new cafe. “Are you okay with going to the cafe?” They asked you, simultaneously turning their heads towards your direction.
Your throat constricts a little, as if your heart has jumped to your tongue. It takes you a second before you say, “Yeah… sure.”
“Alright, this Saturday, then!” They grinned. 
They leave soon after the bell rings, leaving you fiddling with your hands, budgeting everything in your mind. You sighed, when you turned back to the side, Akaashi was looking at you. “Oh, sorry. Were we too loud?” You asked.
“Why didn’t you tell them?” He asked.
Your eyebrows furrow, “Tell them what?”
“That you didn’t want to go to the cafe.” He said simply. 
You tense up under his gaze so much that “What?” Is the only thing that you can utter.
“Sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear.” He smiled.
You shake your head, “No, no- but… how did you know?”
Akaashi Keiji’s reply is simple, “Your tone was different. When you really agree to something, you sound much happier than that.” When you don’t reply and only stare back, Akaashi blinks before taking it as a sign that the conversation is over. He turns back to his book, finishing his rice ball as he flipped to another page.
A part of you wants to end it at that, but the other, more impulsive part is quick to ask - “Then, would you like to go to the aquarium with me?”
Akaashi stared for a moment, before he smiled and said, “Sure.”
That was what led to this, to walking under glass-kept waters, where above you both, schools of fish swimming away from sharks, the mutterings of other visitors reaching your ears as they talked. 
You try to remember all the fish facts you read up online - maybe it will impress him, maybe it will make him talk more. You go on and on and on. Akaashi only nods along. There is a pang in your heart and you feel your hands tremble.
You try again, you start to ask questions.
“What’s your favorite fish?” You asked, by now, you’ve forgotten that you’re here to look at the animals, not fumble over words as you desperately try to make conversation. Akaashi shrugs - he doesn’t have one.
You try again.
“Have you been to an aquarium before?” Yes.
“When?” When I was 10, I came with my family.
“Did you like it?” Not much.
You spew out questions until you’ve run out of breath trying to get rid of the silence. So you ask a question you don’t like asking.
“I’m sorry, am I annoying you?” You asked. You dread the answer he will give - what if he found you boring, or noisy, or selfish, or a know-it-all, what if he hates you? What if he regrets coming here?
Akaashi responds with a small shake of his head, “You’re not.”
“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to fill the silence-” You said again, you don’t believe that you’re not. Because you’ve heard that before. “I just-” You hate yourself for stuttering, “I just don’t want this to be boring.”
“You don’t have to force yourself to talk.” Akaashi said, blinking seriously and offering you a small smile. “I enjoy your company as is.”
Akaashi walks beside you - he is silent. Yet, for the first time, the silence doesn’t bother you.
And oh. There is comfort in his silence.
Where others’ felt tense and frustrating, Akaashi’s silence felt normal. His presence does not leave with the sound of his voice, no, instead, it only seems to solidify - because Akaashi Keiji doesn’t need to speak to say that he’s there.
The two of you end up in front of a couple stingrays, you can’t help but put your hands against the glass, marveling at the way they glide through the water. One of them swooped upwards and you can’t help but giggle at the seemingly smiling face of the animal. Your eyes followed it as it swam around.
When you turn back to Akaashi, he is smiling. “You finally look happy.” He said.
A dark blush rose from your neck - you don’t know if he knew how his words have affected you, or if he even knows how he sounded but you don’t speak of it. You simply bask in the moment, part of you registers this as a date, but the more rational part of you labeled it as platonic. You decide to ignore them both, instead, you simply walk with him along the lit path of the dark aquarium. All around you are silhouettes of other people, a thousand buzzing voices tuned out by Akaashi’s presence.
He, alone, is enough to draw your attention even as he did nothing to get it.
Soon enough, you stood by the edge of a dolphin show, watching with wonder as trainers guide and instruct three dolphins to play around. You don’t mind the way that the water splashes on your new outfit, nor the noise of the other visitors. Beside you, Akaashi watches, as well.
One of the dolphins practically flies out of the water, making you slap his arm excitedly as you point towards it. Akaashi only chuckles - he doesn’t mind the way that you’re acting, letting you do as you wish.
And when the show is over and the dolphins swim freely, Akaashi is the one who holds you back from touching them when they get close - when you pout at him he only says, “It’s unpredictable.”
You’re quick to get over it, going over instead to a penguin enclosure, where workers come and let you feed the penguins. You’re quick to wear the gloves, throwing fish just a few feet from where you both were, watching in amazement as the penguins waddle and swarm at the food. You look over to grin at him, “Can you take a picture?”
Akaashi nodded, pulling out his phone to capture pictures of you and your antics around the aquarium. Soon, you both end up under glass again, looking up at the fish that swim by.
“Look! It’s a hammerhead shark!” You smiled, watching it swim up above you both.
Suddenly, you feel his hand close over yours, he pulls you away from a group of visitors you were about to collide with. “Ah, sorry.” You smiled sheepishly at them. When they’re gone, you thank Akaashi, who only nodded.
You don’t comment on it when he keeps on holding your hand - why would you?
As you look around and take your own pictures, Akaashi is the one who tugs you in a certain direction to avoid you getting in an accident. Your mind is aware of your surroundings - after the first time, your brain becomes more alert in order to not embarrass yourself and yet, you let him. You let Akaashi hold your hand, directing you where to go even if you knew it.
A part of you warms at the amount of care the simple gesture showed.
The time to leave comes, but instead of parting ways, you let him walk the both of you to a small cafe near the aquarium. You don’t mind that as he does, his hands still keep themselves intertwined with yours
Your skin flushes at each squeeze or tug of his concern.
He squeezes your hand by the crosswalk just as the lights turn red and the cars stop, holding your hand in a hold that is secure, yet comfortable - he didn’t hold your hand like the bruising grip of your parents, or the loose grip of your laughing friends. He held your hand. He held your hand.
He opens the door for you when you get there, letting you sit as he leaves to get your orders. It is then that he leaves your hand unoccupied. And when he went away, you clutch your hand to your chest.
Akaashi Keiji holds your hand once and your heart thrums in his name.
No? His care, then.
After all, it was Akaashi Keiji who cared enough about you to ask where you were when you were absent in school. "Are you okay?" He asked over the phone.
You sniffle, the cold has lessened but the ache in your body remained, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little bit under the weather."
After school hours, you are surprised to see multiple notifications of texts from him. When you open them, you giggle at the sight of photographs of his notes (thoughtfully separated by subject) and a text listing a to-do list of things you need to catch up on. 
You smile and text him, 'Thank you :D'
Your phone dings. He replies, 'You're welcome.'
Still no? Then maybe his passion.
Akaashi Keiji's passion burns silently. It's there, but it doesn't spread like a wildfire. Instead, it's a well-kept flame that never dies.
You step into the gym, looking around curiously.
You sit by the benches, the sight of volleyball and players aren't new but this sight of Akaashi is. Akaashi's gentle hands seem a little more aggressive in court. His eyes seemed a little sharper and calculative as he made quick judgments of who to set to and how to fool the enemy into making a mistake.
You're completely taken by the sight of it.
Akaashi doesn't scream out motivation to his teammates, but his actions are loud enough. You can barely keep yourself seated, the Bento box you spent hours making feel heavier in your hands.
A whistle blows as both teams breathe heavily. Your heart sinks when you see Akaashi's team panting as the other team celebrates.
Akaashi walks off at the same time as the others do.
You're quick to stand and go after him. When you catch up, he's scowling slightly in front of a vending machine, watching the drink drop. It melts away at the first sound of your footsteps.
He turns his head and looks at you when you call out to him. You fumble with your words, "Uhm- thank you for the notes. I, uh, made this for you." You said, extending the Bento Box towards him.
He takes it hesitantly. "You didn't have to."
You respond, "I wanted to."
You walk with him to the cafeteria, where you both sit down to start eating. 
"Are you okay?" You ask. It feels a little awkward.
Akaashi looks at you, "Of course." The tight grip he has on his chopsticks is enough to let you know how he truly felt.
You watch him carefully, trying to see if he liked it.
He doesn't show his emotions obviously but you see the small jump on his eyebrow when he ate the egg rolls you made, or the light, quick purse of his lips when he sees the slightly burnt sausages. "If you don't like it, you don't have to eat it." You said.
Akaashi Keiji stares at you as he puts another sausage in his mouth.
You fiddle with your fingers, that is when he asked, "Did you get hurt while making this?" You look down at your bandaged fingers and quickly hide them under the table.
"No?" You said, flinching when it comes as a question instead of a statement.
Akashi blinks. You relent. "Fine. Yes I did."
He sighed but didn't say anything else.
And yet, before lunch break ended, Akaashi sat by you, changing your sloppily applied bandages with new ones. "You have to disinfect the cuts first before you bandage them." He reminds you, "And next time, be more careful."
When he's done, he places another carton of banana milk into your hands, "Here, it'll make you feel better."
By the time school is over, your eyes wander to see where Akaashi might've gone. You ask around, no one really knows either - this is why you hated Thursdays, because Thursdays meant having only one morning class with Akaashi. You text him, waiting for a reply as your feet continue to wander.
He does not reply.
Finally, you end up by the gym. You jump slightly at the sound of balls hitting the ground. When you step inside, you see Akaashi, standing only a few feet away from the net, setting for people who weren't there.
"Akaashi?"
Your voice breaks his concentration, making him tense. He caught the ball in his hands, looking over to you, asking what you needed.
You asked him, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," he replied. A part of you knew that he wasn't.
So you walk in, false confidence draped on your shoulders as you asked, "Do you want help?"
Akaashi is hesitant, but he accepts.
Soon, you are throwing balls in his direction, his body moving almost on autopilot as he keeps on setting again and again and again. By the time you're both done, the sun begins to threaten that it will leave entirely, giving you only minutes of sunlight before the two of you finally make your way out.
"I'll walk you home," he said.
You shake your head. Though the two of you go towards the same initial direction, you know that when you reach the third intersection, you'd have to part. His house is to the left of the third intersection, yours is to the right of the fifth. If he goes to yours, he'd have to walk for thirty minutes more and you knew he was tired. You knew he was slowly burning out.
So you said, "You don't have to."
He replied, "I want to."
You couldn't find it in yourself to say no to that.
The two of you stop by a small shop.
You buy him strawberry milk the same time he bought you banana milk.
So maybe you don't hate Thursdays as much anymore. Because now, Thursdays meant late volleyball with Akaashi, followed by a night walk and banana milk.
Ah. When did you start liking banana milk?
Maybe it's all of the above.
Before you knew it, you only have a year left before college comes so you stand beneath a cherry blossom tree, cursing under your breath because fuck, this is so cliche. 
It’s spring and everything is blooming - everyone is confessing. It feels so stupid to do the same but your heart is thumping like crazy and everything else feels irrelevant. Who cares if it’s cliche? Who cares if it’s been done before? Who cares if it’s obvious?
It’s your feelings and you have the right to do with it as you wish so when Akaashi comes into view, everything melts away. Suddenly, it’s just him and you under a cherry blossom tree.
You know that he knows - after all, how could he not?
And yet, you still spit it out, the words that feel so big on your tongue. “I like you.” You said, screwing your eyes shut as you try to ask your heart to calm down because if not, you might just pass out right then and there. “I like you so much.” You breathe, your lungs stagger and ache as you try to take in oxygen.
Akaashi Keiji replies. “Why?” You open your eyes, it’s then that you see the cards of pinks and glitters tucked crumpled on his pockets, and the plastic bag of chocolates he was holding. Ah. There were those that came before you.
You stammer - you didn’t think of a poem to tell him how much you like him or a beautiful metaphor that illustrates how you feel. “I-” You stumble over your words, “I just- I just like you.”
“When I’m with you, I’m comfortable and I feel accepted and I haven’t felt this way before.” You said, you feel all tongue-tied again, as if each syllable is stuck in your throat and you have to force them out each time. “I love your silence, when I’m with you I don’t feel pressured to be someone I’m not and I… I appreciate the way you treat and care for me.”
Your answer is all over the place, if you knew, you would have memorized an essay that answered him fluently and properly, you would construct a message that had clear points, you wouldn’t stutter or doubt if your message is coming through. If you knew he would ask ‘Why?’, you would have written a thousand words to tell him why you liked him but you didn’t.
So you conjure all the ways you liked him - “I like it when we touch, because your hands feel warm and soft and when you held my hand that day we went to the aquarium, I couldn't help but want you to keep on holding on to me. I’m jealous of all the girls who had the courage to confess to you before me- I envy their strength to look you in the eyes and tell you ‘I like you’ because I’m confessing to you right now but I can’t look you in the eyes because I’m embarrassed and I feel underprepared.” You spoke quickly, looking down on the ground as you gripped the box of homemade cupcakes you baked for him specifically for today.
“I want to give you something better because now I see what the others gave and it’s all so expensive but I- I don’t have enough money to afford that much and I never really had a talent for writing heartfelt letters because they all end up cheesy but I- I wanted to do it for you. So instead, I made you cupcakes! But I don’t think you’ll like them because- because it’s my first time making cupcakes of this flavor because I know you like this but I’ve never made it before but I wanted to make it for you but Akaashi I’m so nervous that I’m speaking the first thing that comes in my mind. So please, if you’re going to reject me, please just reject me already-” You were going to look up to look him in the eyes when he cut you off.
“May I kiss you?” He asked softly.
His words are enough to make your brain short-circuit.
“What?” You asked - you must have heard him wrong.
Akaashi repeats his question, “May I kiss you?”
You stammer - what even is there to say? You respond a little quicker, tongue tripping on words, "Y-yes!"
Akaashi Keiji leans in, you freeze. His hands cupped both sides of your cheeks, you have a second to register how he drops the plastic bag filled with chocolate treats. You have another to panic about whether or not your breath smells good and whether or not you should open your mouth or keep it closed.
Akaashi Keij kisses you under a cherry blossom tree and shit, it's fucking cliche but you love it - because that moment, that fraction in time is strictly just yours and his. It didn't matter that this was probably done before, that multiple students have probably kissed under the same tree… what mattered is that Akaashi Keiji's lips are on your own and your first kiss tastes like chocolates and lip balm.  
Akaashi pulls away, you finally dare to look at him and your heart skips a beat at the sight of his flushed cheeks and the way his breaths seem labored. He is just as breathless as you are.
His hands are still holding your cheeks.
You feel them tremble against your skin.
Before anything else could happen, impulsivity pushes you to pull him in again by the collar of his uniform. Until his lips are flush against yours for the second time because once is not enough.
Your grip on his clothes tighten.
Ah, you're probably going to buy chocolate-flavored lip balm soon.
Maybe it's something entirely different.
Being with Akaashi means a good morning text by the time you wake up and a goodnight text before you sleep. The sight of it is enough to make you kick your feet in the air, heart acting like drums as they beat against your hollowed ribs. 
Being with Akaashi means little study dates in the library, tucked in some corner where no one will interrupt you both. He leaned towards you, voice patient when he said, “Now you have to convert it to moles.” He nods along when you do it correctly, but is quick to correct you when you get it wrong. And in turn, you help him review for tests you knew he could do on his own.
“But I want to do this with you.” He said, when you mention that he can probably review this by himself. Akaashi stares at you. As you stare into his blue eyes, you realize that it’s really easy to fall a little deeper, until you’re neck deep and your heart swells.
You smile. “Okay… let’s continue then.”
You remember that the first time the two of you decided to go on a real, official date, it’s in a botanical garden. The coming of Spring has driven the both of you to visit one. That is what gets you on a train going to Kyoto, your lips curved into a smile as you show him the destination - Kyoto Botanical Garden. You’ve already told him about this, knowing that he would appreciate having the chance to make a loose plan the two of you can follow to make the most of the day.
Akaashi doesn’t say much, he only says that he’s looking forward to it, as well. A part of you is nervous that he’s pretending - ah, maybe this is an elaborate prank and Akaashi Keiji is much more cruel than you think - but before you can overthink it any further, Akaashi clamps his hand on top of yours, intertwining them securely.
You lean on his shoulder.
Akaashi tenses.
Immediately, you move to pull away, only to have his unoccupied hand pat your head, gently guiding it back on his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs softly, “it’s my first time being like this, so I didn’t expect it.”
“Oh… it’s fine.” You smile to yourself, giving his hand a little squeeze.
The world falls silent. You think to yourself, ah, could this get any better?
Akaashi turns and places a soft kiss on top of your head and you think - yes, yes it can.
The two of you arrive at the garden at exactly 11:07 AM. The moment you do, you find a good place to snap a picture of both of your shoes. It’s followed by a selfie near the gates, making you glad that you brought your selfie stick along.
Akaashi steps close to you as the two of you pose for the picture, his hand finding your waist as natural as the leaves falling from nearby trees. And perhaps a part of you falls along with them as you feel his hold. You’re quick to take pictures, walking around and talking with him as you did.
Your feet lead you to the Rhododendron Garden. You feel your breath taken away by the sight of the flowers. You lead him nearer, taking pictures of the pink, red, and orange flowers. Akaashi’s hands are the ones who stop you from touching them.
“They can cause skin irritation.” He says simply.
You turn to him. “How did you know?”
He looks back towards you, “Research.”
A soft chuckle leaves your lips and you tease him, “Wow, I didn’t know you were such a nerd.” You stuck your tongue out to him playfully, making him huff a little. “Was it for an assignment? Or a project?”
“No.” He answered, holding your hands again.
“Then for what?” You smiled.
“For you.” He murmurs. “Plants and flowers are beautiful, yes, but I didn’t want to risk you getting harmed if you accidentally touch or eat one.”
“Eat one?” You asked. “You think I would eat a flower?”
“...yes.” He said, almost slowly as his eyes flicked to the side for a moment before his sight trails back to you. “I simply want to keep you safe and sound-” His explanation is cut off by the sound of your laugh, loud and kind of boisterous. He looked dumbstruck - a part of him had expected you to get offended… a part of him did not realize your laugh sounded this beautiful.
“Fine, whatever.” You chuckle, trying to brush it off and ignore the blush that has risen to your cheeks. “Whatever you say, I guess.” And if you hold his hand a little tighter, Akaashi speaks nothing of it. Instead, he gives your hand a small squeeze.
You venture towards the Rose Gardens, past a section of the Botanical which was fashioned to look European. You bend down a little, taking photographs of the flowers. "They're beautiful." You smile, eyes following the way they sway in the wind.
You don't see the way he looks at you - you are far too distracted by the roses to see it.
He says, "Yes, they are."
His gaze burns.
You end up walking along the central lawn, walking into a homey cafe as Akaashi holds your hand. “Lunch first, then we go to…” You scroll along your phone, where you have a map of the place saved. "The Japanese Gardens, right?”
Akaashi nods as the two of you set down your things. You sit in front of each other, quickly deciding on what you’ll get. Soon, he leaves you to get your orders, you stay seated, waiting patiently. When he gets back, he carefully places your Udon Noodle Soup in front of you, followed by a glass of water. On his side, he places a bowl of Katsudon. Followed by this is a plate of gyoza, which came with a small container for the sauce.
He smiles, “Be sure to eat well.” You can only nod as the two of you start eating, hands gripping your chopsticks securely. Somewhere in the middle, Akaashi catches you giving small glances towards his Katsudon, without hesitation, he picks up a piece and extends his hand out towards you. “It’s tasty, try it.”
You hesitate, before deciding to eat it. You lean in, taking it from his chopsticks and chewing slowly, nodding as he asked if you liked it. Your eyes meet. You are still leaning in a little and as if impulsivity possessed you, you decide to rise a little, meeting his lips with your own - and somehow, his Katsudon tastes a little better when it comes from his lips.
Akaashi chuckles, looking away a little as a soft blush rose from his neck.
The two of you eat quietly after that, stealing glances, sharing portions of your food as the two of you take a quick rest from walking. Deciding to take your time finishing the portion of gyoza left, Akaashi rose from his seat, taking the one beside you, instead. You spend the rest of that time talking softly, laughing and taking cute little pictures. You take a note to make a scrapbook soon - it’s the first time you’ve ever felt like this and every single part of you longs to simply capture this very moment and live in it forever.
The two of you leave soon after, making your way towards the Japanese Gardens.
He holds your hand as you walk, his fingers slotting between your own and you can’t help but wish that moments like these lasted for eternity.
Akaashi walks you home after your date. He leans towards you, gently pushing his lips against yours. When he pulls back, you have to blink multiple times to get back to your proper senses. He gives you a small, transparent box. You look up and take it from his hands, carefully holding the box as you gazed at the potted, succulent plant inside the box.
“I bought it for you while you were away for a bit.” He said, “I hope you take care of it.”
“Of course I will.” You smiled. “Thank you, ‘kaashi.”
Akaashi smiles, kissing you again, just as soft as the last time. “You’re always welcome. Let’s do this again soon.” He said after pulling away. You nodded, making him smile a little wider. “Goodnight.” He said, followed by a sweet, soft murmur of your name - and it was as if each syllable became priceless when he said them.
“Goodnight, Akaashi.” You smile.
He's so easy to love, isn't he?
Akaashi Keiji shares one of his earphones with you while the two of you sit next to each other. The first song he plays is always a love song, followed by whatever song is next on the playlist. You actually have your own playlist with him, titled 'A Dream Come True', each song was the answer to a question, making you chuckle as you began to compare and contrast your tastes in music. It's a bit cliche, but it's true, isn't it?
Akaashi Keiji always makes sure you're prepared for tests - because he knows that sometimes, you run low on motivation. So he brings you an energy drink, maybe a cup of coffee, sometimes even a whole meal. He stays up with you when you study your lessons, helping you out when you need it.
“Here,” he said, quietly as you both sat in your room, “I usually dissuade you from drinking these but I know you need it.” He sighed as he handed you the energy drink. He sits beside you, opening his notebook as he studies beside you again. As you drink, you take it upon yourself to hold his left hand, watching him scribble notes and make neat markings on the book he was reading.
Akaashi simply squeezes your hand lightly as he did, giving you brief glances when you move around before putting his attention back to studying.
Akaashi Keiji cooks with you. When you hit your first anniversary, he took it upon himself to invite you to his house while his family was away. There, the two of you spent the day making ramen from scratch.
He stands beside you as you massaged the dough, cutting up vegetables and pork as you did. Soon enough, you’re splitting the mass of dough, laughing as you both struggled a little to split it evenly. “If you end up with more noodles than me, I’m stealing your bowl.” You laughed, making him shake his head with a smile as he brought the bowl of flour closer.
You both start making sheets made up of the dough, folding and dusting it with flour before beginning to cut it to make noodles. "You're not cutting it evenly." He chuckled, looking up from his own noodles, which you saw were cut evenly.
"Whatever, perfectionist." You roll your eyes, though you do give a little more effort in evenly cutting them.
It doesn’t take long before you’re sitting next to him, assembling your ramen carefully. "Hey! That's my portion!" You gasp, stealing the piece of meat from him and hitting his hand lightly as he laughed. You place it carefully on top of your noodles, smiling as it all comes together.
He places a small container of chili powder near you, "Here, I know you like it spicy."
You smile, leaning in to kiss him briefly. "Thanks, you know me so well." He chuckled, watching you carefully sprinkle in some.
He puts your bowls next to each other, carefully placing chopsticks on top of neatly folded tissues. "Let's take a picture." He murmured. You snap quick pictures - both of the food and of each other - putting it into the gallery collection labeled as '1st Anniversary'. 
You start eating in the living room, opening the television and putting on a movie as you eat together.
He just feels perfect, doesn’t he?
It's been four years since then, college has come, and it threatens to split you apart.
"I can't this week," he said - how many times has it been?
You purse your lips, hand tightening your grip on the phone, "Again?" The question slips out of your lips like the falling of droplets. Small. Quick. Almost unheard. "You promised you'd come with me this time." A part of you is quick to give up - the Museum will open up again, don’t worry, don't worry - but the rest is starting to scurry away from him and your hands have started to ache as you hold onto strings that kept you together.
"I'm sorry," how many times have you heard that before?, "But this is a very important project, I can't risk passing it late."
More important than me? You almost bit back, more important than our 4th anniversary? You do not say it. You cannot. So you keep your true thoughts locked in the darkness of your mind and you say to him, "Yeah. Okay. Sure. We'll reschedule, then?"
"Yes, I'm really sorry-" you cut him off before he can speak your name, you knew that if he did, you would crumble and break and from the way you see it, Akaashi cannot risk being distracted by anything… by anyone.
It is the first time you ever missed an anniversary.
"It's okay." You said. You grip the phone a little tighter. You stare almost blankly at your computer screen. The phone call ends before you realize - you both do not say I love you anymore, the phrase has gone foreign on your tongue, like an unknown language you hear for the first time. And even your ears, which used to translate his playlists to that phrase; or your skin which used to shiver and recognize his touch as his way of saying it; or your lips which smile at the taste of his unspoken words - they neither hear, feel, nor taste it anymore. 
You place your phone away from sight. You do not wish to see it.
A vain feeling of burning grief rises from the embers of a broken heart - it threatens to choke you and leave your throat bruised and burnt from its touch. You almost want to beg for it to do so. You have a feeling that it would feel much better than this.
Loneliness. Your mind labeled the feeling - the emotion born from being alone; the feeling of being abandoned.
Your eyes trail to your computer screen. There, the sight of him makes your gut curl and tie in knots, the Akaashi you knew from two years ago smiles at you. The dimple on his cheek stays the same, so does the ruffle of his dark hair and the clearness of his blue eyes - the Akaashi you knew has gone static. 
Akaashi is smiling, wearing the outfit he wore during one of your dates in an art gallery - a simple, beige cardigan and loose pants, his glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. The sight of him from your computer screen looked so real it coaxes tears out of your eyes. Your dislike of drawing realism is dwarfed when it is him you draw. For how can it ever go against the love you have for him which always seems to overflow onto the spaces of your hollowed ribs?
It has been too long since you last saw each other and clumsy phone calls between classes or before you both go to sleep is not enough.
It is as if life has stolen him from you and dangles his image far from your reach yet close to your eyes - you see him in the darkness behind your eyelids, there, he has the chance to let you lay your head on his shoulder, the taste of banana milk sweet on your tongues, his hand holds yours and you are warm. So warm that you melt into his arms but now, in the cold and in the darkness of your dorm room, you are running a fever and your soul, which yearns for him screams his name but he does not respond in kind.
Instead, he says I'm sorry.
Oh how you've begun to despise that phrase.
You are left there on your bed, curled and crying and despising your reaction because at this point, you should have gotten used to it.
How many times has he left you like this, unknowing that it was a time you needed him most?
But then again… what did you expect?
The two of you have aged, you do not live just thirty minutes away anymore, instead, he lives two cities over, attending his dream college as you attend yours. You both chose this, saying that it will work, saying that you will make it work - but that did not last long.
Somewhere near the end of first year, your weekend dates have been forgotten; by the second, even scheduled dates are canceled and rescheduled, only to get canceled again. Now here, on your third, phone calls are filled with I miss you yet followed by I'm sorry. A part of you hates him for saying that, yet hates you more for sometimes doing the same.
It is as if life is determined to keep you apart, the same way fate strung you together, making you live half an hour apart from childhood to your teenage years yet never letting you meet until highschool - but ah. What if you two were never truly built to last?
Your nails dig into your skin, threatening to break into it and make you bleed. How many times have you done this to yourself? Hugging your knees to your chest, asking where it went wrong. You both tried didn't you? You both wanted this to work, didn't you?
Oh. What if everything is going wrong because you are the only one who wants this now?
You think. You think. You think.
What if, behind the closed phone screen, after the hung up calls and quick goodbyes, someone else wraps their arms around his shoulders like you used to. And it is them that whisper comfort in his ears and what if he is only waiting for the right way, for the right time to end it?
What if, when he says “I’m sorry”, he is only waiting for you to realize the silent goodbyes that follow that phrase?
Akaashi wouldn't do that to you… right?
You bite your lip, a part of you tries to pull you back but it cannot. You sink. In this falling, there is only darkness - you cannot envision Akaashi to be there to catch you, why hope that he will when you know that he is not there?
But you trust him, don't you?
And you love him, don't you?
You feel paralyzed on your bed, unable to move and unable to think of things other than the fact that he is not there. You felt as if you were going crazy.
Your roommates have come and go to tell you to eat, but your lips only move to give a half-hearted excuse that you aren’t hungry yet - in truth, you have no appetite at all, even as your stomach churns and eats itself from the inside. 
There’s a knock on your door. A part of you wishes it is him. The rest know it’s not.
It’s your roommate, they tell you that you should eat soon, it's late and you shouldn't skip dinner. "I know you're on a diet," they said, "but you haven't eaten properly in weeks. I don't want you to get sick, okay? Please eat dinner soon."
"I will." You respond - you will not. You hear their footsteps retreat, making you close your eyes as you try to fall back asleep.
But really, why do you love him?
You wake to the sound of knocking. Someone asks if they can come in. You grumble and say whatever comes into mind - "Leave me alone, go away." They knock again and apologize, and finally you relent - "Fine, come in, whatever." You huddle a little closer to your blankets, curling up as you hear the door open and their footsteps are heard as they walk in.
They close the door. You hear a soft click as they lock it.
They sit on your bed, you feel it dip under their weight. At this point, you can't find it in yourself to care if they end up being a serial killer or whatever - a thought that you'd probably regret in the afterlife, if ever.
They brush a hand through your hair, before you hear a sigh. They lift your blanket, settling beside you and putting a loose arm around your waist. They kiss your hair and come a little closer.
They utter your name and ask if you're asleep - you cannot find it in yourself to reply. So you pretend. You act like you're asleep, even if you knew that they probably know you aren't.
He doesn't tell you that he loves you.
When you truly wake hours later, it's near the afternoon, you sit up and feel their arm fall from its place on your waist. You look to the side and see him right there - Akaashi Keiji, warm and asleep as he breathed softly.
"So it wasn't a dream." You mumble to yourself. "You're really here."
You can't help but reach out to touch him. Your touch alone is enough to stir him awake, his eyes fluttering open and immediately focusing on you. His soft utterance of your name is enough to make you draw back. Just hours before, you had so much to say, but now that he was here, your parched throat could not bear to say anything.
“What happened?” He asked, getting up from the bed and holding your hand gently. “I hear you haven’t eaten properly in weeks.”
You sigh and shake your head, "It's nothing. It's late, Akaashi, you should get back to your dorm."
Akaashi shakes his head, looping his hand around your wrist and pulling you back. "Wait! I… I wanted to talk." He said. "About us."
Ah. Here it is. 
The thing you have been dreading - the coiled dread in your gut wakes, slithering up your spine until it curls around your lungs and heart. "What is it?" You ask.
"Why don't we go to the living room? I'll cook you up a meal as we talk." He said.
"Not here. The others-"
"I asked for a favor. They're out right now. For the entire day." He said. "I know you like privacy and I didn't really think you would be up for going out."
You nod hesitantly. "Fine. Let's get this over with."
You sit on the chair in front of the counter, he grabs the apron from the rack and begins to talk as he opens the refrigerator. "Is Omurice okay with you?"
"Yes but- actually, they cooked last night, there's probably still some leftovers from dinner. I can just eat that." You said, rising from your seat as the ache in your bones started to come back.
"Sit down," he said - it's the first time you've ever heard him sound so forceful. "Please… just… sit down, okay?" He turns towards you and smiles, "Let me take care of you."
He doesn't buy you your favorite meals.
He grabs a chopping board as he takes out the ingredients, along with the leftover pork chops from last night. He heats it up as he begins to chop portions of carrots and potatoes. "I'm not sure where to begin," he said.
"You're doing just fine- after that you just have to make fried rice then-" Your rambles are cut off.
"You know that that's not what I meant." He sighed.
"Well maybe I don't want to talk about it." You said, "Maybe I'm not ready to let you go- Akaashi, we've been together for four years, I'm not going to let you leave me like this." You look down, trying to hide the tears forming in your eyes.
"Leave you?" He asked. "Why would I leave you?"
You look up, "Is that… not what you're here for?"
Akaashi blinks at you, opening his mouth as he tries to conjure the right words, "I'm not- I didn't come here to break up with you."
You sat up a little straighter, the tears in your eyes backtracking and retreating back into their ducts. "Then what are you here for?"
"To apologize." He said, "And to talk about what we want to do next - if anything, I've been anxious you'll break up with me." He turned back to the vegetables he was cutting, his eyes blinking rapidly as he tried to blink the forming tears away. And perhaps he is just as heart broken as you have been.
"I couldn't come yesterday because of the project so I wanted to make it up to you today. Then I heard you weren't eating well so I came late into the night yesterday as soon as I finished the project but well… you were already resting, I think." He said, "I'm sorry that I slept next to you last night, I know I didn't ask for your permission. I just- I just couldn't help it, I guess."
He chuckles. You watch him mess up a little as he wiped at his forehead - he's nervous. You've never seen him act like this before. He opens the stove and adds a slab of butter into a pan, letting it heat up for a bit before he adds cooked rice. It's followed by the vegetables he cut up. As he cooked, he said, "I wanted to make it up to you. Everything that I've been lacking and missing-"
"It wasn't your fault." Your mouth is quick to say it, even as your insides churn in glee as he begins to apologize.
"It was." He said, "I should've made some time for us, like you were doing. I'm sorry that I've been selfish for the past few months."
"You were chasing your dreams - who was I to stop you?" You asked.
He says your name. Softly. Gently. As if your name will break on his tongue if he says it any differently. "It's okay," he said, "I already know my faults. And besides… I don't want you to think there's something wrong with you or that I've fallen out of love with you or anything like that because I haven't."
He plates the fried rice, setting it on the counter. He breaks two eggs into a bowl, adding a little salt before beating it. 
What passes is a moment of silence. You watch, eyes trained on the fact that he is here - how many nights have you lain awake, wishing for the stars to bring him back to you?
You look down, there is a voice in your head that says you should break up with him - make him feel as desperate as you did, it said, hurt him as he has hurt you. And yet, you don't. Perhaps you love him too much to do so.
Sometimes love is letting go, the voice said, it questions you, what makes you think he won't just neglect you again? You are as expendable as the eggshells he broke and got rid off moments ago, what makes you think he will keep on loving you as he used to?
You play with your hands, heart beating a little quicker and harsher against the bones of your ribs. What if he finds someone else? It will hurt more if you continue, just leave now - that way it will hurt once then never again.
Do not tell me that he's worth it - do you even know if he still finds worth in you?
"I know I'm pretty late but if it's okay with you… do you think that maybe we could try again? I promise that I'll be better this time." He said, setting down the plate of food in front of you, freshly cooked, and looking delicious yet your stomach tightens and churns at the sight of it - perhaps it is not food you hungered for.
He unties his apron, hooking it on the rack again as he goes around the counter to step closer towards you. He speaks your name but his voice is muffled by your own heartbeat and suddenly, you feel frozen as you say on that seat. Doubt creeps and breathes onto your neck, raising goosebumps and fear of being left - Akaashi speaks your name again but the tremble of your heartbeat does not cease. In fact, it grows louder.
It is the first time you felt alone even while in his presence.
He will find someone to replace you, the voices said, look at him. Top of his class and soon to graduate, blessed with good looks and a nice voice - men and women will flock to him, do you think you'll stand a chance?
But he loves me, you think to yourself, Akaashi loves me.
But does he? Tell me. Does he really?
Your hands clench against each other, almost threatening to break your knuckles until Akaashi's hand covers your own. Your hold on yourself loosens a little. His hands move. The chair scrapes against the floor. Suddenly, his arms are around you.
"It's okay." He murmured, kissing the top of your head, "I'm right here. I'm not going to leave." It was as if he knew what was going on inside your head, as if he heard what doubt and anxiety had whispered into your ears. "It's okay, I've got you. Cry if you need to, I'll stay as long as you need me to."
The tears come like the makings of a waterfall, dripping from your eyes and down along your cheeks leaving tear tracks on your skin. 
"I'm sorry," you said, "I'm so sorry, I don't know why I'm crying I just-" Akaashi shakes his head, wiping at your tears as he gives you a small, worried smile.
"It's okay," he said, giving your temple a soft kiss, "It's going to be alright." He rubs your back as you let your tears fall. "I'm sorry, my dear," he murmurs, holding you a little tighter, "I didn't mean to make you feel abandoned."
You cling to him a little tighter, there is a silence in your head that threatens to break as soon as you unhold him so you let yourself unravel instead - perhaps, you will find solace in the sound of your own breaking. You spend what seemed to be a thousand years right there in his arms, but even that is not enough to fill your heart's chasm. 
Your hands feel weak even as they grip him tightly, you cannot help but cry as he carefully rubs your back. He treats you as if you would shatter right there in his hold should he touch you too roughly. You don’t know whether to hate or thank him for it.
After some time, you are able to tear yourself away from him, sniffling as you finally settle and slumped down on your seat. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you with all of this.” You said.
Akaashi shook his head, gently placing a kiss on your tired knuckles again. “It’s fine, dear. It wasn’t your fault.” He smiles lightly against your skin, “Why don’t you eat for now? You’re probably still quite tired, so we can rest for a bit before talking about this again.”
You give him seconds of silence before you say, “Okay.”
He hands you the cutlery, watching with a soft smile on his face as he sees you smile slightly as you break the egg on top, watching the half-cooked yolk run along the fried rice. You give him a look, before pushing him lightly towards the container holding the cutleries. “Eat with me.” You say, “I won’t be able to finish it all.”
You pierce the heated piece of porkchop, bringing it to his lips as you say, “You need food, too.”
Akaashi sighs, before he eats it and gets his own spoon and fork. “As long as you eat well, as well.” He said, watching you eat a spoonful before he eats, too. He sits right next to you, silently eating, yet somehow making sure that you ate more than him.
“Let’s go out. On a date, I mean.” You said - impulsive and sudden.
“Are you sure?” He asked.
“Yeah. We can drop by your dorm so you can change, then we can visit the park or something.”
Afterwards there is silence as you take a quick shower while he washed the dishes, but as you stand under the water, the soft warmth is not enough to comfort you. As soon as you are out of his reach, the whispering voices come back. He’s lying, it said, like the others did. You feel tears swell up from their coves again, your fingers twiddling with each other as you watch the soap suds get washed away by the running water.
He will leave when the time comes, maybe when you’re angry or while you argue, they say, so that he’s not the bad guy. Your hands claw at your arms again - ah, you should leave the shower soon. You should, you should. Yet your legs do not move. You feel stuck as the whispers turn to statements - he will leave again, until you understand what his leaving means and break it off with him. He doesn’t say it but he wants to be free of you.
So you ask yourself - what can you do to make him stay?
How can you convince him to stay? 
You look down at yourself, trying to ignore the forming lump in your throat.
Your throat constricts, you do not have words left to say other than your woes and you’re sure it will only push him away. What if he really leaves?
But what else is there to give?
A knock on the bathroom door snaps you away from falling deep into those thoughts again. Akaashi spoke your name before he said, “You should step out soon, you might get sick if you stay there for too long.”
You say that you’ll step out soon but your mind is still trying to think of something - of anything - that might convince him to stay. It was as if your mind had forgotten the words he uttered of not wanting to leave you, perhaps you have been feeling lonely for too long that you have begun to cling to a person who will not leave you.
Or perhaps you just don’t believe him and his words anymore.
You wrap a towel around yourself, holding it against your body as you step out. You open your closet, putting on your clothes and buttoning up your shirt only to hear your door open. Akaashi curses loudly as he fumbles with the doorknob, and as you turn to look at him, you see the way his eyes are cast downwards, cheeks flushed red and his hands trembling a little from the panic. You didn’t hear what he wanted to say - nor can you find it in yourself to care.
This.
You stride towards him, holding his wrists and you say, softly, “Don’t go.”
He hesitated in answering and you can’t help but pull him into your room, locking the door behind the two of you as you basically crowd him onto the bed. He falls on the mattress, settling to sit against the headboard, as if he wanted to run from you. You begin unbuttoning your clothes, letting it fall to your elbows as you shrug it off.
Perhaps if you can make him happy now, he will stay with you forever.
You see his flushed face as he tries to keep on looking away and you say - almost a demand - “Look at me, Keiji.” His blue eyes flicker towards you, blinking quickly as you step closer, crawling into bed and trapping him between your limbs. His breaths come quick and heavy - nervous and unsure.
You settle on his lap, hands moving upwards to thumb at the edges of his clothes.
You ask, “May I?”
He doesn't even let you do what you want.
He answered, soft sighed as he spoke, “No.”
“Oh.” You say softly. He doesn’t want you. “You don’t want me.” You look away. Your hands fall, but before they could fall onto your lap, his own hands have caught them and brought them to his lips.
“I do, my dear,” He murmurs, “Trust me when I say that I do want you.” His blue eyes look up at you, “But not like this.”
“Then how do you want me?” You asked, sounding hopeful - yet for the wrong thing.
Akaashi looks up at you, thumbing and grazing his touch along the edges of your eyes. “When you’re okay, then we can do this.” He said, “But not when you’re like this… not when we are like this. I don’t want our first to be so unromantic and sad.” He offers you a soft smile, “Why don’t we just watch a movie? Or would you prefer a short nap? We can cuddle, if you’d like.”
“But this is the only thing I haven’t given yet.” You say.
Akaashi makes you look at him, “You don’t need to. I will love you regardless.”
Ah. It is the first time you ever heard him say that, isn’t it?
You can’t stop the tears that fall from your eyes and you raise your hands to sob onto your palms as you feel your soul tremble at the mere utterance of how he loves you. He loves you. Akaashi Keiji loves you.
His gentle hands pry your hands away from your face, chuckling as he leans up to kiss your tears away. You sniffle - you don’t understand why you’re crying so much but at this point, does it even matter?
At some point, he has maneuvered you to lay on top of him, his arms wrapped around your waist as your hands grip at his clothes. Your legs are tangled with each other's, your ear against his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat.
So… why?
"You won't leave me?" You ask.
His hands move to comb his fingers through your hair. He answers you, "Never."
"Are you sure? What if you find someone better?" You ask again. You close your eyes, exhausted from this day alone.
"That's impossible," he said simply, "There's no one in this world that equals you." He says it so seriously that you can't even remember what your doubts have whispered just an hour before.
"I love you." You say.
He responded, "I love you too."
Why him, of all people?
Years later and he kisses you at the altar, his hands cupping your cheeks as your lips meet for the billionth time.
He tastes as sweet as the first time.
In the after party, he holds your hand securely, intertwining your fingers and kissing you periodically. You giggle at this - it's one of the few times he was ever like this.
"You must've missed me a hundred times today." You say softly as you get ready for your honeymoon.
"I'll kiss you a hundred more tonight." He whispers back, smiling as you blush and push him away slightly.
"You're being stupid, Akaashi." You roll your eyes.
"Just for you, Akaashi." He winks, pulling away from you as he watches you blush a little deeper.
But then again, maybe the point isn't why but the fact that you do.
"Akana! Right here, c'mon!" You grin, clapping your hands as you cheer for your little daughter. Keiji is crouched down, bracing to catch her if she falls. Hikaru is standing on wobbly legs, holding onto your arms as he watches his twin sister take her first steps.
You hear the small patting of her feet against the hardwood floor. 
Finally, she reaches you just fine, her small hands clasping on your own as she smiles. You give her a big hug, grinning as Hikaru joins in. You carry Akana to the couch, your husband following suit as he carries Hikaru.
"They're growing up too quickly." You sniffle, bouncing Akana on your leg as Keiji sits beside you, letting Hikaru cling to him as he replies with a low chuckle. "What? You don't think they're growing quickly?"
"They're still toddlers. And besides, they'll probably stay with us until they're 18, calm down." He smiled, "Don't worry, you have a lot of time with them."
He leans forward and kisses your forehead. He pulls away, beginning to play with Hikaru as he smiles.
You watch him as you hold your daughter.
So this is what love is.
156 notes · View notes
noomon · 9 months
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ding!
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. . . akaashi keiji. in another universe.
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keiji is a dreamer.
he’s had dreams so high that they could reach the tallest skytree, buildings, and monuments alike. as persevering as he is with everything he does, he’s accomplished quite a number of his dreams. though it was not an easy task, he still managed to push through for his own sake and not anyone else’s.
it was safe to say that he lived by the quote, “it is free to dream.”
but as much as he’s dreamed of many things, from getting to his preferred university and being able to qualify for his chosen course, there was something that always felt out of his reach, and no matter what keiji did, it seemed as though the universe was always against it.
asking you out on a simple date was nearly impossible.
whenever he had a plan in mind—down to even the slightest of detail—there’s bound to be something that came up at the last minute to spoil his advances. you could be busy, a blockmate of his would need assistance, and by the time he’s unoccupied, you’ve already gone home. letters never reached you due to so many hurdles of challenges that came its way. his messages always were never sent because of the poor signal—it was fine a few minutes ago!
this happened way too many times that the small flame of hope in his heart soon dimmed out, and then completely went out when he found out that you already were in a relationship.
he was heartbroken.
nevertheless, he’s glad that you found someone who makes you happy, even though that someone isn’t him.
it could be that it’s what the universe had planned from the very beginning.
“oh.”
“sorry, ‘kaashi,” you smile sheepishly. “is it important? i can always reschedule.”
keiji shook his head, calmly waving his hand in reassurance. “ah, no. it can wait,” he tells you, and you nod happily. “have fun with your date, though.”
“oh! i will.” you smile.
and with that, you’re off to your date.
keiji was a dreamer.
and would it be too much to dream that, in another universe, you would be holding keiji’s drink while he tied your shoelaces as you two were on your way home from your date?
the answer was yes.
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note. @sapaggunita ε(´。•᎑•`)っ ♡
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noomon © 2023. do not copy, modify, or translate my work.
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sweetheartsaku · 8 days
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—akaashi keiji ; sharing my heart is tearing it apart
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a/n ; [fem!reader] THIS IS ACTUALLY MY ENGLISH ESSAY I RE-WROTE TO FIT WITH AKAASHI. 😭 this is angst no comfort by the way :3
chrysanthemum !
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the oceans whisper sounded like an owl’s coo, a melody that no one else could treasure except y/n. never eerie, but a comfortingly cold embrace. the breeze was chilly, looking up to the hole of light in the sky. it felt like a fever dream, but only to y/n. a passing midnight breeze sends a feverish chill down her spine, all the way down to the edge of her worn out white sneakers digging into the crisp sand. the ocean sways and dances gently, as the waves glisten in the moonlight.
hands in the pocket of her white windbreaker, staring down as her shoes make prints in the sand. alternative rock blasts through her ears, which bass makes a faint noise outside of her earphones mushing with the wave’s tranquil calls.
“y/n?”
“what are you doing here?” the same voice gently asks.
swiftly, y/n looks back, eyes widening. in the midst of the dark, her eyes interlock with the owner of the familiar voice.
“keiji? i-… i’m… just… having some time to myself.” she mutters.
“another fight?” he knew her mind lingered on the thought that she was the reason her parents mercilessly fought every day. keiji knew, by the way her eyebrows stitch together a little tighter and her voice a little deeper. every day he wishes it was him who had to endure what she goes through.
“i…” her voice breaks.
keiji takes a step closer, a hand away. he extends his hand, slim and tan.
y/n crashes her body onto his. keiji has no hesitation into accepting her call for help in her grasp and the tight clench she had on the back of his now tear-soaked jacket. y/n's vision is hazy, helpless head in a daze.
“i wish i was buried six feet underground, but oh my i also wish i was buried in your arms.” she thought. she holds a grudge against herself like she does a hand.
“why would you even glance at a wretch like me?” she muttered.
he purses his lips. “i comfort because you cannot save people. you can only love them.”
y/n ponders if she is really worth of this love. was she born without love or just unlovable?
the night is over-time, and the sunrise is late, orange beams bleeding into the border of the horizon and its misty clouds. the sky appeared as a child had grazed the sky with warm and cold tones of chalk.
y/n breaks the hug, hands still on his waist, wind breaking the silence and its tension. her eyes now outlined a blush rose colour, so beautiful yet holding so much pain by a thread.
“let’s take down the world together.” words sweet as a treat, dripping of honey, the uttered words glued into y/n’s mind.
they walk pinkies intertwined; souls taped together by band-aids.
the bustling of early school arrives, the noise of chirping seagulls fills arabella’s ears.
keiji looks up to the skies, “it’s nice having our school near the beach. it puts you at ease quickly.”
y/n and keiji bid their farewells to separate paths for their first period. keiji eyes stick to y/n's hesitant pinkie still woven onto his.
y/n watches keiji as he walks off, but something catches her eyes making her glimpse back to his direction.
keiji, hands holding onto another girls.
they shared a smile, then a toothy giggle.
keiji lifts their laced hands to his lips, pressing their hands onto the same lips that once reclaimed that they would take down the world together.
his smile like cold ice-tea, sparkly eyes of a dull gunmetal blue and heart as full and warm as a bonfire.
y/n’s chest tightened; throat clenched by a merciless thorned hand. her heart felt heavy, as it was pulled by the heartstrings, blood dripping from it. the blood builds up into a lump in her throat, making her trance a muddy and smeared blur.
it felt like heart was cracking. snapping, even.
too immune to cry, all the blades that dug deep into her back felt like feathers. no more shine in her eyes, but now rotten. the heart she wore on her sleeve, stepped on and bruised.
chrysanthemums, which can mean "i love you" in some cultures, but "you're a wonderful friend" in others.
all she wanted was to be loved so desperately that her fingers shook with it,
“i am not beautiful.”
“but i could be.”
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fushiguroll · 2 years
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“I SHOULD’VE NEVER LET YOU GO”
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⇢ kuroo tetsuro, akaashi keiji, oikawa toru, suna rintaro
synopsis: the one in which he never thought he’d regret breaking up with you 
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ʚɞ KUROO Tetsuro | hates you so, so much. the barista’s smile was genuine when she met his eyes and he watched the slightest hint of red blossom on her cheeks when their fingers met as he reached for his coffee. “thanks”, it sounded hollow, even to him. kuroo hates the way his brain automatically compares your smile to another woman’s, the instant playback of you calling “tetsu!” with that damn smile of yours. It was like his body was punishing him for letting you go. he sips on his coffee and mentally kicks himself as his tongue burns at the contact of the hot liquid. he could almost hear your laughter as you (would probably) say “babe, what’d I tell you? you gotta blow on it before you drink.” kuroo closes his eyes, hating you for etching yourself into his heart. but in all honestly, he doesn’t hate you. no, kuroo has never been a good liar. he could never hate you because he loves you, maybe a little too much.
ʚɞ AKAASHI Keiji | can’t read his favorite books anymore. even when he’s slipped into his favorite pajama, the pillows propped up just right, and the bed the most comfortable place to be in right now, akaashi cannot focus on the words in front of him. you’re gone. why wouldn’t you after catching his lips on another? he should’ve begged you to stay instead of standing silently on the side as you packed away remnants of you. you’re gone, but he still feels you lying on his chest as he reads out loud. he sees the way you wrinkle your nose in confusion and ask “why would Daisy hurt Gatsby like that?” akaashi realizes as long as you continue to haunt him, he’ll probably never be able to read again.
ʚɞ OIKAWA Toru | never thought he’d find it so hard to move on after you’re gone. the last straw came when he leaned down and allowed one of his fangirls to kiss him on the cheek, right in front of you. when you confronted him afterwards, asking if he even loves and respects you, oikawa had no answer. It was just fan service, why was that so hard for you to understand? he was the one who brought up the breakup, his fans are important to him. without them, he’d be nothing. so you gave him the freedom he desperately sought after. except after you’re gone, oikawa felt more enslaved than ever. enslaved by the memories of you. the way you slip your hand into his, the sneaky kisses between classes, the random back hugs, your laughter, your eyes, your hair. oikawa sits up in bed, surprised at the wetness on his cheeks and realizes maybe he did love you after all.  
ʚɞ SUNA Rintaro | thought letting you go would be the best decision for him, both life and career-wise. he’s busy, especially as the season got aggressively intense. he knows you mean well, but the little texts asking if he’s eaten or if he’s wearing enough became a burden to him. suna just doesn’t love you the way he did back in high school. somewhere along the line, he changed but you stayed the same. and to put it as simply as he can, suna rintaro just doesn’t need you anymore. he thought you’d put up more of a fight,  but you simply nodded your head and gave him a little hug. suna would be lying if he didn’t feel a weight lifted off his chest the moment you closed the door behind you. yet, as he lies in bed, the lips of a new lover trailing slowly down his neck, he was surprised by the feeling of a new weight on his chest. as she straddles him, he realizes it was the weight of your absence. he closes his eyes, looks like suna rintaro needed you all along.
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reblogs are wildly appreciated <3
main masterlist | haikyū masterlist
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zorosprincess · 2 years
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I Need To Talk To You
Pairing: Akaashi Keiji x Reader
Word Count: ~1.9k
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Warnings: Mentions of a breakup, insecurities, crying
Summary: You could tell that Keiji had been acting different. You knew it was only a matter of time before he broke up with you. But you would be damned if you didn’t try to stop the conversation from happening for as long as possible.
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You couldn’t tell at what point you started to notice it. The difference. Maybe it was the third night that you fell asleep without Keiji next to you and woke up with him already gone. Maybe it was when you were packing up leftovers for him that you realized that you couldn’t remember the last time you both sat down for a meal together. Maybe it was when he was there, how he seemed to not be there mentally although he was there physically.
You knew it was coming. That it was only a matter of time. The other shoe was bound to drop at some point. Like it always did. Nothing good came for free. Especially nothing as perfect as Akaashi Keiji. You were a fool to think that it would last.
You had been trying to finish dinner for almost an hour now. Your hands were stirring on their own, the salad over-mixed at this point as your eyes zoned over to look at the shelf in the living room that was filled with memories.
A picture frame on the top shelf from your second year in high school, two movie tickets and a dirty fast food receipt taped to the frame. Your first date. Your best friend had snapped the photo. His glasses were in your hand, held behind you as you laughed. He was trying to reach behind you to grab them, smiling down at you fondly. Neither of you had been aware you were being photographed. You’d left the movies soon after, abandoning both of your best friends to go get crappy food down the street. You’d been sitting in that crappy booth with ripped leather seats when he’d asked you to be his girlfriend. The rest of the shelf was adorned with small mementos from various dates in high school.
The second shelf was decorated with different graduation photos. From your high school graduation, photos with friends. His graduation day, you smiling brightly up at him. You smiled softly as you remembered the pride you’d felt watching him walk across the stage. Your college graduation photo with him looking softly at you as you looked back in shock. Bokuto had somehow timed the photo perfectly with Keiji asking you to move in.
Everything around you was him. Everything was his. Your breath caught as you realized that you wouldn’t even know where to go. You tried to pull your focus back to the food in front of you, the second half of the meal staring at you, wildly underprepared in comparison to the salad. You could hear the door handle start to turn and for a minute you worried that you’d been in the kitchen longer than you thought. 5:17pm. He was home on time.
“Hey,” he casually greeted. You refused to turn around, worried about what it meant that he was finally on time. You could hear him toeing off his shoes as you turned your attention back to dinner, adamant on keeping myself busy.
“You’re home early, Keij, how was work?” You asked softly, listening to his steps come closer to the kitchen, his usual intrigue piquing at the food you were making.
“I finished up a lot of big projects today.” You could hear his yawn as he stopped behind you, could feel as he leaned over your shoulder, looking down what you were doing. “Dinner looks good.” You could see his black hair peek into view. You couldn’t look at him, he’d know something was wrong. The same way you knew something had been wrong with him.
“It’s almost done.” You mused and you could just make out how he tilted his head towards me to look at your face. Just as fast, you turned the opposite direction, making for the cabinet to grab more spices.
“Hey,” you hummed in response as you heard him lean against the counter next to him, trying to look at you, “I think we need to talk.”
Your movements stuttered as your blood turned to ice. Here it was. Oh god please no. “Let me finish dinner Keiji, maybe you can set the table?” You brushed past him easily and refused to meet his eyes. He sighed deeply but moved to set the table anyways. Too perfect for his own good. And probably only yours for as long as you could delay this conversation. You could only finish dinner so slowly though, especially now that he was here and you couldn’t space out thinking of the milestones you’d crossed together, all the memories that would have to leave when he did.
The second the last plate was placed on the dining table, dinner officially ready, he spoke up again. “Y/n, I need to talk to you.”
You swallowed deeply and turned on your heel. “You start dinner without me, I’m going to wash the pans before they stick.” The half-baked excuse carried you back to the sink, your hands moving on autopilot to begin washing. Anything to avoid sitting down. You could feel the stiffness in your movements, your body trying to brace for the impact that would be your life crashing down around you.
“Y/n,” Keiji had followed you into the kitchen. You could almost see the way his deep blue eyes were slightly rolling at the childishness of your actions. The eyes you usually loved; the ones you were currently refusing to meet. You knew he could see your avoidance tendencies seeping out through your seams. “Please can we-”
“You know, actually,” you cleared your throat and tried to move past him again, “I totally forgot to run the dryer again, I don’t think the clothes dried all the way.” You were almost fully past him when he caught you by your shoulders. You froze in place, fear crashing through your body like a tidal wave.
“Can you just stop for a second.” He’d raised his voice a volume, eliciting a small flinch from your otherwise still body. “I need to talk to you.” The silence after his statement was thick enough to cut with a knife. “Just sit down and stop for a second.”
You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes and you cursed them, willing the numbness to fill your body, begging to be void of emotion. “Please,” you whispered, looking down so he couldn’t see your face no matter how he tried to turn me, “please don’t make me Keiji.”
You could feel him tense up from the grip on your shoulders, “are you crying?” His voice was softer now, immediately filled with caring and comfort. He sighed and walked you slowly to the dining table, sitting you in your chair. He turned it to face away from the table and with your eyes trained on the ground, you could see as he knelt before you. “Baby, why are you crying?” His hand lifted to catch one of the tears falling from your cheek but didn’t force you to look up yet.
“Just do it Keiji.” You sniffled, voice wobbly and hands shaking. “I just wanted to put it off for the night.” You could feel the sob get caught in your throat as your tears grew stronger. “But I get it, I can tell its been coming so,” you sniffled again and tried to will your eyes to stop leaking, “you can break up with me, I’ll be okay.” You lied through your teeth. You knew that he would know that you were lying but all you could do was try.
“What?” His voice was laced with shock and your face was suddenly being forced to look at him. The first time you’d looked at his face all night. He had a hand on either side of your face, keeping your face in place, his eyes analyzing me as you did the same to him. There were bags under his eyes and a frown pulled on his lips. And his beautiful blue eyes looked almost glossed over. He looked exhausted but there wasn’t an ounce of annoyance on his features, just sadness. “You think I’m trying to break up with you?”
You could feel the tears streak down your face and collect against his palms. “Are-” you were interrupted by your own hiccup, “aren’t you?” You cast your eyes down and watched as his arms tensed but his hands still held you gently. “You-” you sniffled, “you’re never home anymore and when you are-” you cut yourself off and let out a small whimper. “I know you are. Just do it.”
“God, my sweet angel, no.” He whispered, fingers gently wiping the tears only for more to take their place. He sighed and lifted himself up. “Just stay right here for a second.” You could hear his footsteps disappear into your bedroom, followed by drawers opening and then him quickly coming back. “Baby, baby look at me please.”
Your throat constricted as you saw him kneel back in front of you, trying to be eye level with you. “Keiji-” your voice caught in your throat when your eyes finally landed on him again. He was kneeling but this time it was on one knee, a small little box in his hand.
“This is so not how I wanted to do this.” He muttered more to himself than to you. “I had this whole plan. Agonized with Bokuto for hours to plan this whole weekend for us this weekend.” He cleared his throat, a small blush creeping its way up his neck. “I’m so sorry I haven’t been home, I wanted to finish all the projects so that I could leave it all behind for the weekend, just us.” He sighed and looked back at you. You probably resembled more of a fish at this point, tears flooding your face, mouth opening and closing, searching for the right words. “I wanted to talk to you to apologize for being gone, to explain that I planned a getaway trip for us.” You quickly covered your mouth as he pried open the small box, a pretty diamond staring up at you. “L/n Y/n, please I want your name to be Akaashi Y/n. Would you-”
“Yes.” You blurted out, a new wave of tears coming.
He groaned but smiled nonetheless. “You could at least let me get the question out. This is not how I wanted to do this.” You let out a small sob as a smile creeped on your face. “I wanted happy tears only for this occasion and for it to not be done in our dining room while I probably look like I haven’t slept in a week.”
“I’m sorry.” You whispered softly as he gently grabbed your left hand to slide the ring on.
“No,” he whispered, kissing your the back of your hand before leaning up to pull you into a hug, “my sweet angel, I’m so sorry.” He sighed, mumbling into your hair, “I could never leave you, not in my wildest dreams. I never meant to make you feel like that.”
You sniffled lightly into his chest before you pulled away to look up at him. “I like the sound of Akaashi Y/n.”
He chuckled, playing with the ring now adorning your finger. “Yeah?” You hummed in response, letting him press a soft kiss to your forehead. “I do too.”
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A/N: I’m happy with this. That is all. I like how it turned out. Love you all for reading 💜
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badmoonriiising · 9 months
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akaashi “i am not ready for you yet” keiji and bokuto “it’s okay, baby. i will wait” koutarou
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krtnhie · 2 years
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# keiji akaashi as your lover . . . !
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keiji akaashi who carries a camera with him when you two are out on a date to take videos and pictures of you whenever you seem to be in your own little world. he loves seeing you enjoying yourself, he loves to see you letting out the best version of yourself. he loves it when you can be yourself with him like he is with you. it’s the moments where he wants to capture and keep forever.
keiji akaashi who does the effort to take care of you when you’re tired; helping you with your work, running a bath for you, preparing meals, doing your house chores along with his, running to the nearest store to get you whatever you wanted. he will stay by your side while you fall asleep as he will softly rub his thumb on your cheek, kiss your forehead, and whisper an i love you to your sleeping form.
keiji akaashi who praises you when you’ve been working hard. you did well, my love. i’m so proud of you, darling. simply because he knows you deserve to be treated well after a long week of hard work. pampering you with his love and attention to ease your worries away since he wants you to rest and keep your mind away from problems so you can have proper time to focus on yourself. he will insist in spoiling you with all your favorite food and drinks. the way he loves you is enough to show the world that he will cherish you forever.
keiji akaashi who craves for your touch whenever you’re at work, finding the house lonely and empty. he cleans your shared bedroom because he knows you’ll be tired when you get home and would want to just lay in bed. he will patiently wait for you to get home but his mind says otherwise that he wants to cuddle with you already. when you do get home, he will come up and greet you at the door with a needed kiss which you both have been waiting for. spending the rest of the night in each others embrace as you both ask about each others day.
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i love him sm :((
©𝗸𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗵𝗶𝗲
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phantombriide · 1 year
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hii, bby! how are you doing?
jumping in your prompts challenge, can you do “i want to see the stars” for haikyuu?
tysm and i hope you have an amazing week <3
STARS ARE CLOSER (akaashi keiji)
content — ANGST! mentions of sickness, major character death, fluff if you really put your mind into believing it's there lol. for my prompt challenge. prompt is "i want to see the stars." im so sorry for this but i saw my chance and needed to take it....flashbacks are in italics btw!
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"do you remember our first date?" your faint voice interrupts the silence that envelopes the both of you.
akaashi grins at the question, taking your hands into his larger one, bringing it to his lips to kiss. "how could i forget the day that started all of this?"
the thought alone brings you to tears, having to bite your lip to stop yourself from crying aloud. the grip on your hand is tighter now, but the thumb that swipes over the skin of the back of your hand is nothing less than soothing.
"i love the stars, i always have. ever since i was little they've fascinated me. i love how they're all balanced with each other and that they're never not shining. probably the most perfect thing to ever exist."
akaashi wants to ask if you own a mirror somewhere at home because the sight in front of him gives the stars a run for the money. your side profile is beautiful and your eyes twinkle under the night sky, the moon making your skin glow like never before and it leaves him breathless.
"I'm glad you're here with me tonight, akaashi." the blanket that separates the two of you from the ground shuffles when you turn on your side.
"call me keili." he lifts your hand into his own, "there's no place i'd rather be right now." your lips curl into that smile that he's grown to love over the past few months of being your friend, now turned potential lover.
"keiji."
his hands are trembling in yours and he's shaking his head in attempt to deny the situation, trying to shake the thoughts of what is happening right now from his mind.
he physically can't imagine anything worse than this because what's taking place before him is it. this is the worst thing that could ever happen to him.
"baby, look at me. please?" your voice is breaking with every word and that's the only reason he musters up the courage to look at you.
even in your hospital gown, iv's and wires attached to multiple surfaces of your skin, the hospital gown falling slightly to reveal the way this disease makes your bones protrude, you're still his angel.
too perfect for this world, but he never thought that you were perfect enough to be taken from it. not so soon.
"i love you." he says, kissing your knuckles, your wrists and then moving closer to kiss your cold lips, probably for the last time.
"i love you, keiji." your poor attempt to kiss back shatters what's left of his heart.
you let out a tired sigh. "i want to see the stars."
all that's left of him disappears the moment he speaks his next words, "just close your eyes, my love." and you do, finding your way to the second thing you love the most, balancing them once again the same way you did him.
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torhues · 1 year
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akaashi keiji.
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tw . death and grieving
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they say, we value something the most when it's gone.
akaashi doesn't know why those words resonate with him.
he doesn't have a lot of offer, not at all. akaashi keiji, in fact, doesn't have anything to give or lose, his hands are empty. he has a mediocre job and a mediocre life, a mediocre apartment with some mediocre flowers in the mediocre vase a friend gave him as a congratulatory gift on graduation day. he has same mediocre thoughts and books, tropes and genres, no new thought in a while; akaashi, actually, has more to accept than to lose.
to think, he has always been on the receiving end of life.
good grades made their way to him almost too easily, his looks served as a way for confessions to find their route to him as well. being an only child gave him the privilege to have everything to himself rather than sharing it with someone. akaashi isn't half mean, or selfish, or careless, or anything that people like him could be. he still keeps the fountain pen bokuto gave him on the last day of highschool even though it's nib had broken. there's a scarf in his cupboard, one made by his late aunt who died of lymphoma, it's torn, yarns peeping out of the knits. it's kept intact in a fancy red box.
akaashi has always received a lot, so much that he hasn't dealt with loss, to such an extent that he has never been on the other end. but his hands feel empty. in the silence suffocating him, sitting on a chair with his head hung low, the floor looks so pretty. there's a faint reflection of him on the tiles, then his eyes land on his hands.
his hands feel empty.
maybe it's the timing that has been making him feel this way. perhaps, it's the location, the empty hospital room and the empty streets, the empty hallway, the empty hours, the lack of something and abundance of everything— it's making him go insane. it's fine, he tells himself, a hospital can make one feel that way.
akaashi looks over at the empty bed, the white sheets and the white walls all around. his gaze shifts to the now shut down heart monitor, the pillow you had rested your head upon until this afternoon, the lilies in the bouquet he got your this morning, they've wilted. he should be packing up your stuff. your clothes, the blanket you've always adored and the books you made him read all these days while you were lying on the now empty hospital bed.
occasionally, he tries to convince himself that this is a dream. that you're here, somewhere, perhaps at work or at the nursery, maybe out for shopping with a friend or at your parent's house because you've been missing them lately. akaashi imagines himself waiting for you at the station or the bus stand or the airport, smiling like a fool because he hasn't seen you in days and finally he can have you close to him, his lips on yours, your hand in his,
but now, his hands feel emptier.
akaashi, once again, looks over at the empty bed. the image of you lying on it slips in his mind— weak and exhausted, too miserable to even lift your hand. the you that has been greeting him with a crooked smile for the last three weeks. the part of you that cries when no one is around a pretends to be fine when he accidently walks in on you. you who had been living off on tubes and blood transfusions, who smells like medicines and antiseptics, who's eyes, even while fighting to their life, didn't run out of love.
akaashi has always been on the receiving end. his chest feels heavy, his vision is blurry, he feels lonely; akaashi doesn't know what he had lost.
he can't put it in words.
they say, we value something the most when it's gone. akaashi doesn't understand why those words keep popping up in his mind as a reminder. he's not like that, he knows how much to mean to him. he adored you— still does— has never taken you, or your love, for granted.
what about the people who know the worth?
he sniffs, because he knew. akaashi knows he loves you more than anything else in this entire world and, tried his best to hold onto you; little by little, thread by thread, holding by the end of the rope even if it means standing at the edge of the knife.
losing something, isn't it so much worse for them?
akaashi believes there's penance in yearning, there's pain in giving too much of your heart. you've always been on the giving end, and it scared him because, what if he's not enough? what if he isn't even giving you even a quarter of what he's receiving, because in the end, nothing in the world could compensate for short fall.
did i not love you enough?
he thinks of the times where instead of all this, he had you. life was exquisitely simple, and you were desperately happy. where instead of heavy silence, the room was filled with your laughter, where his hands weren't empty for yours always found their way to his'. he thinks of the days when he'd spend his evenings with you, strolling in the park or while taking a walk by the beach. right now, he feels alone, as if it's just him and pieces of shared moments with you, lingering in the air.
akaashi hasn't never dealt with loss, but losing you made him lose everything he ever had.
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chimielie · 2 years
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implicate
summary: Akaashi x F!Reader. i now pronounce you officially unofficial
word count: 2.4k
cw: nothing except the deadly combo of yearning and the honeymoon phase. and a requisite blink-and-you’ll-miss-it jealousy scene
a/n: idk man this was supposed to be like 500 words i lost the plot so bad i don’t even think it’s funny anymore
You’re not sure when you first heard the phrase “work wife.” You know where, though — in the breakroom of your workplace, one of the most high-profile manga publishers in the world, from the lips of one of your coworkers.
“Oh, are you new?” One of the mangakas peers at you, her conversational partner having stopped to greet you when you entered the room. “Nice to meet you.”
“Actually, I’m—”
“Don’t you know, Naoko?” The other woman, who you recognize as Hasegawa Moto, a secretary often shuttled between the literary and manga departments, throws an arm around her. “This is — Akaashi’s work wife!”
You choke.
Akaashi Keiji was a new hire around the same time you were, although he worked in manga editing and your field was in literary publishing. The two of you had been drawn together quickly, first by proximity (it was much easier to ask him questions like “where are the band-aids” than to ask anyone who might judge you for not knowing) and then by personality. He had been your first friend in the new landscape of your life and remained the closest even as you met and befriended other people.
“I’m not— we aren’t— huh?” Hasegawa laughs raucously as you try to recover your bearings, wondering when you or Akaashi might have given the impression that you were together.
“Don’t worry,” she says after a few more moments’ friendly teasing at your expense. “‘Work wife’ or ‘work husband’ don’t really have any implications like that. They just refer to a coworker you’re close with. That’s why she’s down here so often,” she explains to Naoko. “She’s a good work wife, always bringing Akaashi coffee and things.”
“Sometimes he comes up to complain to me,” you say thoughtfully. “But he always leaves a note with a little doodle and a nice message behind. I can never catch him actually drawing it.”
“And you never will,” says Akaashi, the door swinging behind him. “What are you talking about?”
“Oh, hello,” you say, smiling at him. “Did you know that we’re work spouses?”
He pauses, his always-fidgeting fingers stilling for maybe the first time since you met him. Akaashi just has one of those faces, his thoughts completely inscrutable from his expression.
“I didn’t,” he says, “but I can’t say I’m opposed to the label. So you’re...?”
“Your work wife! And you’re my work husband.”
“You may now kiss the bride,” comments Naoko, laughing along with the rest of you. You’ve seen Akaashi laugh plenty of times, but surely never as hard as this. His cheeks are pink from... exertion, surely?
You change his contact name in your phone. He signs off his well-wishing notes with “Your dedicated work husband.” Your mother gets entirely too excited when you reference him in conversation, and Akaashi tells you that Bokuto-san (a man you’ve heard a lot about, but never met) nearly booked a plane ticket when he first used the term “work wife” to describe you.
Then you quit.
You hadn’t expected it. You were happy where you were, mostly; you were looking forward to what the life you were living offered you. Still, something of your ambitious spirit whispered not yet. Akaashi was sitting next to you, his laptop balanced on his thighs, when you clicked submit on the application; his surprisingly strong arms that hugged you when you dove into his chest once the deed was done. You hadn’t expected anything of it, afraid of getting your hopes up, but then you’d gotten an interview, and another, and then you’d gotten it.
Your dream job, just a few blocks away.
You linger in Akaashi’s office, your own (very) recently cleared out of all its furniture, all its personal touches. The bobblehead he’d bought you, the free poster you’d received after ten consecutive trips to the onigiri restaurant around the corner together, the collection of books he’d worked on are all packed into cardboard now, ready to find a better home at your new company.
The plasticky couch you’d eaten so many late-night instant meals on suddenly feels ten times more comfortable.
“I don’t want to leave,” you complain up at Akaashi, who sits in his chair, looking at you with his usual reserved fondness.
“Yes, you do,” he says, contradictorily encouraging.
“I mean here,” you say. “This couch.” You.
“You can come back.” He taps his feet, wiggles his fingers. If he were ever still, he’d look like a painting.
“It won’t be the same,” your voice pitches dramatically.
“It could be better,” Akaashi points out.
“That’s uncharacteristically optimistic of you.”
“No, see? We have two paths. We could work divorce...” He holds out his right hand, skin still well-conditioned even though it’s been years since the vanity of a setter was foremost in his life. “Or we drop the work and become husband and wife. Just husband and wife.”
His left hand opens, revealing two origami rings, folded meticulously into the shape of circlets capped with a heart “stone.”
“Akaashi,” you gasp, spirits lifted. “Did you make these?”
“Only if you think they’re funny and not embarrassing,” he says drily.
“I think they’re amazing,” you say, plucking one from his palm. “I might cry, honestly, this is too sweet.”
He shakes his head, standing up. “Let me.”
His hands are bigger than you realized, fingers astonishingly long and graceful. They slide the ring onto your left fourth finger, twisting it around before setting the heart upright. His hair falls into his eyes as he puts his own ring on, and you reach up to brush it back while his hands are occupied.
Akaashi’s eyes are a feature you haven’t paid too much attention to so far, often hidden behind the flashing of his glasses or the heaviness of his eyelids. Up close, you realize that they might be the most arresting shade you’ve ever seen, reflecting blue from a source you can’t find. They’re sharp and penetrating; you get the sense that he sees beyond what most people do.
His hand comes up and those lithe fingers wrap around your wrist, and the moment breaks.
“See?” He murmurs your first name for the first time. “It’ll be okay.”
You haven’t known him to make an inaccurate prediction yet.
The first time he comes to your workplace, you’re thrilled to show him around. While he insists that he only meant to drop by and that he mostly intended to make sure you were eating properly, you drag him around the building to show off.
“This is my husband, Keiji,” you tell one of your new work friends, Jia. The two of you had gone out for lunch together on your first day, and you had told her all about him and your little inside joke.
“Oh, your husband?” Another of your coworkers’ heads pop up to take a look.
“We’ve heard so much about you,” gushes a third. Keiji greets them politely, then shoots you a look. You only grin at him and take his hand to show him to the rooftop.
Keiji visits often, for many of the same reasons he used to make the trek up to the third floor for you. Often, you take meals together, knowing that the other will forget to eat if you don’t, spending the little spare time you have with each other because it’s just so nice. Keiji is an easy person to be around, gentle and witty and a great navigator of public transportation. You learn the latter on a trip to Osaka:
It turns out that the Bokuto-san who is Keiji’s bestest friend in the entire world is the same one you see on magazine covers at the grocery.
“Keiji,” you say, impressed, as he leads you into the back of the pro gym that might be larger than your apartment building. “You have connections!”
“Not really,” he responds, looking embarrassed. “Just—”
“Akaashi!” The biggest man you have ever seen absorbs Keiji in a hug as he lunges out of some hallway door. Goodbye, you mourn your friend inwardly. Who knew you would go this way. Eaten by a mountain.
The man-shaped planet releases Keiji after some squirming, and chooses you as his next target. You find it actually pleasant, being crushed to death by a man with muscles like boa constrictors. You hug back, as best you can.
“Bokuto-san, please let go of my wife,” says Keiji, putting a steadying hand on your waist as you topple out of Bokuto’s gravity field.
“Nice to meet you!” You beam up at him, watching his hair ruffle into two points. “You’re even cooler than you look on magazines!”
Keiji groans as Bokuto swells into an unidentifiable mass of ego.
During a highly energetic interaction that Keiji watches spiral out of his control with some degree of despair, you are convinced to meet the rest of the MSBY team, who are a blur of loud voices and curious faces. Mostly, you remember Shōyō, a stocky man who moved so fast you could barely keep up, his energy (along with Bokuto’s) infectious and intoxicating. Even the emojis he uses in the groupchat you find yourself, Keiji, and Bokuto added to seem to match his exuberant personality.
At the end of the day, you slump against Keiji, exhausted.
“Tired?” He murmurs, lightly amused.
“Yes,” you say, reaching blindly up and behind you to pat at his head, feeling the bounce of his hair under your hands. “Let’s go home, Mr. Akaashi.”
“If you insist, Mrs. Akaashi,” he says, twisting you around to stand you upright. You laugh a little, too tired to give the joke the gumption it deserves, and lean into his side again.
You hate how dark it gets in Keiji’s office.
“C’mon, Keiji,” your hands are planted on your hips. “You need a vacation.”
“I don’t want a vacation, though,” he says. “I want to stay here, and edit panels of Zombie Knight Zom’bish, until I die and become inspiration for Udai-san’s next series.”
“You are the worst,” you huff. “If you’re not going to use your vacation days for yourself, at least use them to come with me while I’m on my work trip. It’ll be like old days; we can even be work spouses again.”
“I like being your husband outside of work,” Keiji grumbles. You kick the back of his chair.
“I went to Osaka with you to meet MSBY,” when guilt doesn’t work, you try another tactic. “It’s in the same town as that onigiri place you like,” you say, dangling the words in front of him like bait for a fish.
Keiji graciously agrees to show you around and to take you to Onigiri Miya, which is apparently related to Miya Atsumu.
“Oh, I liked him,” you say thoughtfully when he mentions it. “We didn’t talk much because he was busy with Sakusa-san, but he’s definitely one of the best-looking athletes, I think.”
Beside you, Keiji tightens up; his hands fist in his pockets, fingernails digging cruel half-moons in his palms.
“His brother Osamu runs the shop,” Keiji says. “They’re twins, so you’ll probably like the way he looks, too.”
“Maybe,” you say. “Mostly I hope the onigiri is good.”
“I mean, we don’t have to go here, actually. Plenty of places sell specialty onigiri. We don’t even have to get onigiri if you don’t want to, I didn’t mean to—”
“No, no, it’s okay,” you smile reassuringly. “We came all the way out here to meet Miya-san. We should say hi at the very least!”
You can see Miya Osamu through the window of his small storefront, rearranging chairs and whistling through pursed lips.
“You were right,” you whisper to Keiji. “He looks just like his brother.” Your friend only hums in response.
“Hey, Akaashi,” greets the restaurateur. “Didn’t expect to see ya ‘round here anytime soon! Glad to have you, though, what can I get ya and yer...?”
“Wife,” Keiji supplies quickly. “This is... my wife.” A beat passes before he expands by saying your real name and the words come out stilted, but you don’t notice, too busy trying to cool your cheeks at the sound of the words.
“Great,” says Miya, clapping his hands together. “Nice to meet you, call me Osamu.”
“Thank you,” you bow to him. “You have a lovely setup. Keiji mentioned you were thinking about opening a branch in Tokyo?”
Osamu is easy to talk to and attentive, even as he multitasks behind the counter; you enjoy your conversation with him greatly. Eventually, though, business picks up and you find his gaze flickering over and over to the growing line of people his employees are dealing with.
“We’ve kept you too long,” you say. “We should let you go work.”
“No, no, it’s been a pleasure,” says Osamu politely. “Come on and visit anytime.”
“I’m sure we will,” you wave a little goodbye to him, and he salutes as he disappears into the back of the restaurant. As you stand and exit, Keiji wraps an arm around your shoulders, the wire of his glasses barely poking you.
“Alright, Keiji?” You ask, rubbing a hand absentmindedly up and down his side a few times.
“Of course,” he takes a deep breath and you can feel his smile more than see it. “S’all good.”
Going out with people from your old workplace comes after you return to Tokyo, playing a game of catch-up with some familiar faces and some unfamiliar ones before you have to return to the neverending grind of employment.
“You know, I don’t know if Keiji ever dated anyone,” you say, chin in your hand as you ponder. The man in question is currently in the bathroom, while you commence talking behind his back.
“You mean no exes or anything? You were the first?” One of the editors you don’t recognize inquires eagerly.
“First what?”
“First, you know, girlfriend?” You laugh uncertainly.
“I mean, I don’t think that really counts? It’s not like we’re dating or anything.”
“But you did date, yes? Or did you just move really, really fast?” Someone else asks. “My husband and I were engaged a week after we met.”
“I don’t understand what you mean,” you shake your head. “Keiji and I have never been in a relationship.”
Three people simultaneously say “what?” Out of the corner of your eye, you see Keiji weaving between tables, steadfastly journeying back to you. Help, help, help.
“I mean, we joke, but—” Keiji reaches the table just in time for one of your aghast work friends to spread her arms wide and say loudly—
“What do you mean you’re not even dating? I thought you were married!”
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