#like i genuinely fucking get that sometimes life is exhausting and you’re tired and sometimes you need to take care of urself before hanging

[hellfireeddiemunson]

sick of making plans with a specific friend only for her to not reach out abt actually hanging out until the afternoon after i’ve waited all day to hear back from her or for her to just cancel last minute entirely after i’ve again waited all day to hear back from her

#like i genuinely fucking get that sometimes life is exhausting and you’re tired and sometimes you need to take care of urself before hanging #out with people but for it to be so fucking consistent is exhausting for ME #we don’t even fucking make plans that often it’s literally maybe once a fucking month if that #like you’re telling me somehow whenever we have plans that’s when you’re SOOOOOO exhausted ?????? but you left the house 39203 other times #to do shit that takes up way more mental capacity than sitting bat your house smoking weed for a while and catching up????? #i just don’t fucking get it dude i really don’t #if i make plans with someone and the day of i don’t want to anymore i always tell them right fucking away so they don’t spend all day waitin #around and planning their entire day around it just to get fucked over #idk i’m just frustrated and probably need to eat something and i’ll be less angry #i’m just like. upset bc i don’t understand why she only ever seems to cancel on me or only seems to be soooooo exhausted when it’s the day #we planned to hang out like i just think it’s unfair to me and i Have expressed this in general before so it’s like ok cool #thanks for taking my own feelings and time into consideration 🙄🙄😐 #like i literally love and adore my friends more than life itself and it just hurts and is shitty when someone doesn’t act the same even tho #they’ve said the opposite idk #i genuinely hope i don’t sound like a dick right now bc i truly really understand when ppl are mentally exhausted or deal with chronic issue #issues* bc fucking SAME HERE I ALSO DEAL WITH ALL RHAT so it’s like idk i just don’t wanna sound like a dick i am just upset i’m not feeling #like i’m loved the same as i love people idk this always happens to me i feel like i just love too much and i over project and then when i #don’t get the same things in return i feel like people actually don’t like me or secretly are tryin to separate from me idk it’s shitty i #hate it so bad i want a normal brain this shitnfucking sucks #my brain is going too hard now tho i need to stop before i spiral for real right here right now on tumblr dot com

[blue-jisungs]

fighting with them ♡

author's note. my very poor attempt on angst written in june 2023 LMAOOOOO enjoy!! (do not ask me why am i posting it now, i dont know either.)

making up after a fight - here !

┆彡 CHAN [ 찬 ]

chan couldn’t put a finger on it but there was something going on with you lately. from all of the people in the world he knew the best how life can get overwhelming sometimes. you were there for him during his hardships of being an idol… and a human being, in general.

and clearly, you were going through something too. but you didn’t say a word and even seemed to avoid him.

you arrived home late at night on one friday, a heavy sigh escaping your lips. chris is probably… working. so you you can easily sneak into your bedroom without him noticing you, right?

“y/n”

you turned around and saw him in the hallway, hair messed up and glass of water in his hand. his face lit up upon seeing you, however you could sense the weird tone of his voice.

“hi chris. i’ll go to sleep” you mumbled, taking off your shoes

“wait, can we talk? i know it’s late but i feel like nowadays we’re roommates, not a couple” he said. here it is. you let out another sigh

“i had a lot on my head today, can we not?” you grunted, leaving your bag on the floor.

“that’s the thing, y/n. there’s something going on and you just won’t tell me. and when we’re gonna talk when not now? you avoid me, let’s face it” chris continued, voicing out his worries. you knew.

“i’m sorry, okay? it’s just… i don’t want to talk right now and…” you pinched the bridge of your nose, earning a scoff from chan.

“you never want to talk, apparently. relationships are build on trust and communication. and i get the feeling you don’t trust me at all” his voice got a little louder but not to the range of shouting.

“listen, i–“ you started, genuine exhaustion feeling your body. you were afraid to snap and that’s the last thing you wanted to do. especially right now, especially at chris. but if it continues–

“i’m tired of your excuses, y/n! let me help you, talk to me, anything–“ chris pleaded and before you realised, it happened.

“can you shut the fuck up? i told you i’m tired! we’ll talk once you stop interrupting me for god’s sake!”

the realisation sank in as you watched chan’s features change with pain. his jaw tensed, eyes becoming cold.

“sure… i’m sorry. good night” he huffed, his steps leading him back to his studio.

your eyes watered, heart shattering into millions of pieces. you fucked up.

changing into your pyjamas you fell asleep on the couch, feeling like a burden in your own bed. your and chris’. and above all, you felt strange and empty, trying (and failing miserably) to fall asleep without him by your side.

┆彡 MINHO [ 민호 ]

you approached lino quietly, wrapping your arms around his waist from behind. he jolted a bit by your sudden appearance, the wooden spoon falling out of his hand.

“oh, sorry baby. how are you today?” you hummed when minho with a grumpy face grabbed the spoon.

“you’re so fucking clingy sometimes…” he grunted, causing your eyes to widen “get off me”

the coldness of his voice made you a bit scared, backing away. minho continued with his cooking task.

“like a literal baby, i swear. let me breathe for once, is this too much to ask for?” he snapped, not even looking at you.

you understood, of course you did. when you started dating minho he wasn’t too big on skinship but… he never spoke like that to you in general or about this.

“okay. i’m sorry” you mumbled, trying not to show how hurt you got by his words “i’ll be in the bedroom”

he didn’t even say anything. you held your tears and walked away, only letting them go once you were buried in your duvet.

┆彡 CHANGBIN [ 창빈 ]

you let out a deep sigh, massaging your temples. changbin was looking at you with straight face, the tense silence between you two constantly interrupted by your group chat exploding with notifications.

“y/n, for the millionth time. they don’t deserve you, they literally treat you like shit” he grunted, glancing at your phone and reading the last message “'y/nnie we’re sorry, the date just slipped my mind', are you kidding me? what kind of an excuse is that?”

the thing was that your friends stood you up, again. lately they do that all the time but you know that they’re busy, just like you.

“a normal one! do i have to remind you the times you forgot about our dates? or i did? we’re humans, we forget things. and they’re my friends, they wouldn’t stand me up! we already rescheduled for tomorrow” you hissed “stop talking shit about my friends!”

“i’m not!” changbin whined “it just pisses me off because they meet up without you! don’t tell me you don’t know that!”

“i don’t because they don’t do that! stop accusing them!” you yelled, surprised by yourself. changbin sighed, his tongue poking the side of his cheek

“fine. just don’t run crying to me when you get stood up again, probably tomorrow” he huffed, crossing his arms

“i won’t!” you grunted, grabbing your phone and walking away to your bedroom.

┆彡 HYUNJIN [ 현진 ]

your boyfriend came home, a loud slam of his bag hitting the floor lighting a red lamp in your head. there was no usual, cheerful “hi baby!” or “i’m home!” coming from him.

hyunjin stepped into the kitchen, ignoring you, and poured himself some water.

“hi hyune” you hummed, approaching him. he mumbled something incoherent back, eyes everywhere but on you. you sighed quietly, shaking your head “how was your day?”

“awful, i’m exhausted” he grunted, poking his cheek with his tongue

“i’m sorry to hear that… here’s some food, i grabbed it from work. let me just finish heating it up” you hummed, smiling softly “and later if you want we can watch a movie?”

“just… i need some time alone. i’m tired, y/n. i know you wouldn’t get it because i’m an idol, i dance and work for the whole day but i just need to rest, okay?” hyunjin grunted, making you halt.

“what do you mean i wouldn’t get it?” you frowned, turning your gaze at him

“you’re… well, you’re not an idol. can i just-?” he spat out, running out of patience.

“oh, so i can’t feel exhausted? i know that working as a cleaning lady is not as mighty as being an idol, but it’s tiring as well” you said slowly, trying not to lose your temper.

“yeah, sure” he scoffed.

your eyes widened, genuine hurt breaking your heart.

“i’ll eat it later, don’t mind heating it up” he grunted and before he waddled away to the bedroom, he heard your murmurs.

“it’s for me… and you don’t mind talking to a filthy cleaning lady later…”

┆彡 JISUNG [ 지성 ]

han was watching you for the past fifteen minutes, tongue poking the side of his cheek. you seemed to have fun while chatting with the other guy. way too much fun.

he just let out a sigh and took a sip of his drink. he hated it. he hated that he had to go to this party, that someone spilled a drink over him, that the food sucked and that you… you were ignoring him.

you let out a laugh and shook your head. the guy who you were talking to, beomgyu, patted your head with a grin.

suddenly you felt a hand on your arm, squeezing it. you turned around and saw jisung and his… tensed jaw.

“oh ji! i was wondering where you were! this is beomgyu, jeongin’s friend…” you smiled and beomgyu greeted your boyfriend with a happy smile

“we need to talk” han just grunted and walked away. you shrugged and beomgyu sent you a questioning look.

following jisung outside, where the weather wasn’t too pleasant, you rubbed your arms and enjoyed the silence.

“what’s up?” you asked, tilting your head.

“are you seriously asking me 'what’s up?'… y/n… you’ve been having the time of your life with that guy” he hissed, crossing his arms.

“beomgyu? what do you mean? we were just talking, that’s all” you scoffed, not fully understanding what he meant.

“please, y/n. you two were flirting! it’s unbelievable” he snarled, his voice raising dangerously.

“jisung, you know i only love you. i was just talking with him because he–“ you started

“cut the bullshit. it’s good to know you had fun at the party but i’m going home. have fun flirting with him” he bursted out, walking away

“jisung, what the fuck?!” you called but he didn’t stop “what do you want me to say? i… i seriously! you can ask him! i wasn’t saying anything–“

entering the room again filled his ears with music, jisung didn’t catch the way your voice broke down. legs leading him towards the exit, he noticed beomgyu watching him shocked.

┆彡 FELIX [ 필릭스 ]

you drummed your fingers on the table nervously, giving the waiter an apologetic look. he walked up to you, sighing.

“i’m sorry ma’am but if you’re not planning on ordering something i’ll have to ask you to leave…” he said. you nodded, grabbing your purse

“i understand” you said and paid for the two glasses of water you ordered earlier.

“i’m sorry” the waiter mumbled, causing blood to flow to your cheeks. you shook your head and left, dialling your boyfriend’s number for the seventh time this night.

“–yeah, i know, right?! what’s up, y/n?” felix answered, the voices in the background becoming quieter.

“where are you?” you asked bluntly, crossing your arms

“i’m at changbin’s, why?” he asked confused

“why? well maybe because i was waiting for you like an idiot for the past two hours? why didn’t you pick up your phone earlier?” you spat out, voice starting to shake

“what are you talking about?” felix grunted

“our date, felix! like the third one you missed because allegedly you were busy? are you doing this on purpose or what?” you huffed, sitting down on a nearby bench.

“i was busy, y/n! i admit, today i forgot but we made plans with guys earlier and i just…” he trailed off.

“you just forgot. again. i don’t have any more patience or strength for that, felix. don’t you see that? you’re prioritising work over me” your voice broke, nails digging into your knees “if it keeps happening–“

“y/n… don’t say that! you know i’m busy, i’m an idol! what did you expect?” felix scoffed.

“i expected my boyfriend to be present in my life, you know? i understand that you’re an idol, i respect that and i support it… i just wish you were there for me, felix. do you even know i got fired yesterday?” you asked and were met with silence “exactly. now… have fun at changbin’s, say hi to the boys. i’m not coming back tonight”

with that you hung up, chest thumping in your chest. well, you’re going to have a sleepover at your best friend’s… again.

┆彡 SEUNGMIN [ 승민 ]

you hummed happily, just getting off the phone with your mom. entering the kitchen you noticed seungmin with his glasses atop of his nose, reading something.

“hey, seungmo! do you have any plans on weekend?” you asked. he shook his head as a no “great! my parents are visiting, then”

he groaned, making you frown.

“what?” you asked, crossing your arms.

“again?” he finally looked up at you, fixing his glasses.

“what do you mean again? they visited us like, month ago!” you shook your head

“it’s just… tiring” he mumbled, playing with the hem of the paper he was reading

“tiring? they’re my parents, seungmin. and it’s hard for them too. they’re still getting used to living in korea, i know how that felt and besides, you should get used to it” you huffed

“okay, so? can’t you just go on your own? i wanted to practice, i could use some time alone” seungmin grunted. you bit your lip, looking down. did he just… did not like your parents? you couldn’t lie, it hurt you.

“fine. have fun then because i guess i’ll leave earlier, since you could use some time alone” you murmured

“are you angry at me?” he asked, some kind of mockery in his voice

“yeah, i am! do you not like them? why didn’t you tell me earlier?” the question made him scoff

“i just don’t feel like going, geez! just go, you’re being annoying today…” he grunted, reassuming his previous task.

you mumbled a soft oh and left your place right away, not bothering to pack. your parents have some clothes of yours at their place either way.

┆彡 JEONGIN [ 정인 ]

you watched jeongin text someone with a huge grin on his face, fingers quickly tapping against the screen of his phone. letting out a deep sigh, you reassumed watching the show.

“wait, why’d you start?” he asked suddenly, putting his phone away

“i asked you like, five times if i can start already” you grunted, not looking at him

“sorry, i was…” he hummed, hesitant “…texting someone”

“who was it?” you asked, not really caring about the weight of the question…

“no one important” he huffed. now, his answer made you confused. anxiety slowly creeping into your heart, you looked at him

“why’d you answer like that? i’m sure that person wouldn’t be too happy to hear that” you joked lightly. jeongin just shrugged, letting out an annoyed sigh. there was a sound of door opening somewhere in the dorm.

“can we just watch?” he asked coldly.

you fell quiet, mind racing with thoughts. if you think about it, you caught him texting and smiling like a teenage girl a couple of times this week. and he always quickly turned off his phone once you were near him. what was it?

“oh, hi you two!” you heard changbin’s voice. you turned around to wave at him and he waved back, then turning your eyes again at the screen “oi, jeongin-ah, did eunjeong text you back?”

your eyes widened upon hearing the name. eunjeong. jeongin’s ex.

you looked at him, his face immediately dropping. you sent a death glare to changbin that only now realised what he said. but that meant… he knew.

“you’re texting her? your ex?” you asked, crossing your arms. jeongin sighed, trying his best not to roll his eyes.

“and what if i am, geez! it’s not that serious, y/n” he grunted, looking at you.

“for me it is, jeongin. you know i have trust issues… and i don’t trust her, especially! besides, you told me you blocked her…?” you asked, heart racing abnormally fast.

“i lied, okay? because you’re so sensitive about everything, just like now! yes, i’m texting eunjeong and honestly, i don’t regret it! she’s fun, okay? we broke up on a good terms” he grunted. you stood up, walking away “where are you going?!”

“i need to think” you hissed, passing changbin by

“that’s exactly what i was talking about… god, such a crybaby over nothing” jeongin murmured, grabbing his phone.

before he could open up a chat with eunjeong, he heard a loud door slam.

masterlist <3

taglist. @primoppang ,, @l3visbby ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @slytherinshua ,, @kazmura ,, @nicholasluvbot ,, @ameliesaysshoo ,, @weird-bookworm ,, @dazzlingligth ,, @litepowee ,, @ocean-minho ,, @lessthanpast ,, @s-e-s-a-I-e-n-e ,, @fire-08 ,, @eternalgyu ,, @haecien

#skz #skz fluff #stray kids #stray kids fluff #skz stay #skz imagines #skz changbin #skz fanfic #skz felix #skz hyunjin #skz scenarios #skz bang chan #skz jeongin #jisung skz #skz minho #seungmin skz #skz reactions #skz x stay #skz x y/n #skz x you #skz x reader #skz drabbles #skz soft hours #skz angst #skz seungmin #stray kids scenarios

[irndad]

hi im back! okey so def can see spencer still wanting to hug and snuggle with you even when fighting or mad at each other. he even gets genuinely ??? confused ??? when you try to sleep on the couch instead of in bed at night. he holds you and either reader or him is like "i know we are snuggling right now but i am still super pissed off at you." lol i can just see it. he may be petty when mad but he wont stop trying to touch you bc its a biological need of his and no argument is more important than needing you 🥺

enjoy this I did it very fast!!!! ily

He knows he’s not easy to be with sometimes. She would never say it, but it’s true. He doesn’t always get the jokes, sometimes pushes things too far and without even knowing it the ground gets pulled out from under him. 

And sleep- Sleep is so complicated. The memory of the first time she slept in his bed is etched into a place he could never erase. Spencer had always had trouble sleeping, either fear or alertness plaguing him into the late hours of the night. He used to lie awake, the kind of exhausted that feels like it’s seeping out of your bones, while constantly facts he’d unwittingly memorized about how sleep deprivation can cause brain damage. 

But then she’d come into his life. All soft words and gentle disposition, and there really is something magic about the way that everything just dissipates when her warm, soft body curves into his own. He’s slept well almost every night since. 

Except today, she isn’t coming to bed. 

It’s his fault, and he knows it. He wasn’t being fair. She hadn’t seen him for two weeks (and he hadn’t slept nearly enough without the weight of her form beside him since the last time he saw her) and she’d said that she wanted to be prioritized more. 

“I haven’t seen you in weeks, Spence!”

His head was killing him. Was it actually possible, for a headache to kill you? Her voice is audibly upset, and it’s alarming how he could be the cause of it. 

“Please,” he had said through labored effort, “Can we talk about this later?” 

“When would you like to talk about it? Because I don’t ever know if you’re leaving-“

“Do you even know what it is that I do?  That it’s not a choice for me to go? I have to do this. I can’t pick and choose and honestly, I don’t want to. If you don’t get that, we’re not doing what I thought we were doing.”

It sounds foreign, his own voice. And it’s after he’s said it that the sick taste reaches his throat because oh, that means the end. Her lovely face is unreadable for a brief moment, before something like grief splays over her expression.

It’s silent for a beat, and Spencer wishes he could swallow the words back up, rewind his life like a battered VHS tape where he’s not so stupid to mess up the one thing that’s ever brought him peace.

“You’re not yourself, Spencer. I’m gonna give you a minute.”

A minute, it turns out, is hours in the living room. She hadn’t left, thank fucking god, but she hadn’t come back. Of course she hadn’t. She wasn’t the one who needed to apologize. 

He’s just so tired. 

He thinks of her so-sweet voice, the curve of cheek- the junction of her neck and shoulder, and how much he would like to have her pressed against him. He pads out into the living room like a nervous puppy, and sees her sleeping on the olive green couch she had picked out. Her hair was splayed across the arm of the sofa, and her head laid on a throw pillow, their fuzziest blanket draped across her form. 

His first thought is how low he’s dropped, that he’s jealous of a blanket. 

His second his that she is not coming to bed. He sits beside her gingerly, and the scent of her body wash lingers in the air. 

“Are you planning on coming to bed?”

“I didn’t think you’d want me to.” He can tell she wants to sound cold, but the truth is much worse; she sounds guarded. 

“I always want you to.” It’s the most honest thing he’s said today, and it’s just not fair, how much he revolves around her. How he has waited 14 days, 13 hours and 34 minutes to hold her again and managed to ruin it within the first 20 minutes of having seen her again. He grabs her hand, soft and pliant against his in a way that almost makes his heart leap. “Please? Come to bed?”

Her gaze softens, the warmth and light that guides him back in her eyes, and he hopes his relief isn’t too visible. It’s then that she drinks him in. It feels too revealing like she can see right through him. His clothes are old. He’d rushed off the jet to see her, and the half moon circles under his eyes only lend to the unimpressive picture of himself. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” she breathes, touching the side of his face. He instantly leans into it, the contact more than he’d be willing to give up to save his dignity. “Come here.”

She wraps her arms around him, and he pulls her into his lap, squeezing her tight to his chest, like she might disappear. 

“I’m still mad at you,” she says, looking at him with such affection it betrays her words.

“That’s okay,” he says into her collarbone, “As long as I still have you.”

#spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x fem!reader #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds fanfic

[harlowcomehome]

Goodbye looks good on you.

Collaboration with @nattinatalia 🦋

Part two here!

“Two years, I’ve loved him for two years, and it’s never enough” you sobbed on the phone to your best friend Marisol.

You and Jack had been together for two years, on and off but mostly on (in your opinion.) The two of you constantly argued about his fear of commitment. You were ready to fully insert yourself into his life, but for some reason he continuously held back which started most of your arguments.

Marisol was your only friend who knew about your relationship with Jack, besides your parents. She was also the only friend you had that would tell it to you straight up, so you were thankful she was the one who knew.

“I think it’s time girl, I think you need to give him an ultimatum” she groaned. Marisol loved you but just like any friend would be, she was tired of watching you get your heart stomped on over and over again.

“What if I lose him? For good this time?” You sobbed, catching your breath was nearly impossible. Your chest was heavy and your stomach was in knots, this unfortunately wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling when it came to your relationship with Jack.

“If you lose him, then it wasn’t meant to be.” Marisol can hear you cry even harder, “Babe, you deserve nothing but the best in the world, yeah he makes you happy and you love him, but what if that’s not enough?”

You nod through the phone, listening to her “I know, you’re right, you’re always right.”

“I don’t do it to be right, I just want you to be at your happiest and the amount of times you’ve called me crying, it’s breaking me too.”

You hear the front door open, so you quickly start wiping your tears “Mar, he just got home.”

“You got this, call me if you need me okay?”

“Okay, thank you.” You hang up the call, make your way to the living room and find Jack sitting down on the couch, his head thrown back and his eyes closed.

“Hi, how was the studio session?”

“I really don’t want to talk about it, if that’s okay” He answers, without looking at you.

You sit down next to him, “You hungry? I can make us some quesadillas.”

He shakes his head, “No, I’m good.” He turned his head to face you, he noticed that you’re fidgeting with your fingers, which always means you’re nervous and need to talk to him. He knew you like the back of his hand, which sometimes was a benefit and sometimes wasn’t.

He sat up, his demeanor, more serious now “What’s wrong?”

You shook your head, “We need to talk, we can do it some other day though, you seem tired.”

He rolled his eyes, sighing heavily “Y/N, just tell me.”

“Why is it that every time I wanna talk to you about my feelings or our relationship, It’s an issue?” You hated how defensive you got, but he knew exactly how to push your buttons.

“Maybe because every time I think we are fine, I come home to a shit storm” his brow furrowed, he was clearly exhausted from work, and maybe now wasn’t the best time to bring this up but you couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“Fuck it” you stood up, and Jack knew you were about to cry.

“Baby” he sighed, “I’m sorry. I’m just everywhere today. I’m here, talk to me.” He was finally looking at you, he stood in front of you, and waited for your reply.

“Do you love me?” Your lip quivered, and you knew he would think it was a silly question, but you didn’t really know where to start.

“Of course, you should know that I love you. Where is this coming from?” His voice was stern, being vulnerable, was never his strong suit.

“Jack, we just got back together and I don’t want to keep doing this on and off thing” you swallowed.

“Then we won’t break up again, simple” he shrugged, genuinely feeling like that was enough of a solution to stop this conversation from happening.

“And that’s nice to hope for, but I need more of a commitment than that” you sighed, you knew how he felt about this type of conversation.

“You’re bringing up marriage again?” He sat down, still watching you as you stood in front of him.

“Yes and no” You tell him, but he looks at you with confusion and annoyance.

“What is it now?”

“Marry me or let’s go our separate ways” you challenged.

“What? Are you serious right now? An ultimatum?”

You looked up at him, and felt a bit offended and hurt by his reaction. “Jack, we’ve been on and off for years and somehow we always end up in the same place we were when we ended things. I want a real commitment, I want stability, I love you, you love me, so I don’t see the issue.”

He shook his head, rubbing at his face. “So if I don’t propose then that means I don’t love you enough? Is that what you’re saying?”

“No but Jack, I’m just tired, I’m tired of the back and forth between us. If you can’t see or understand where I’m coming from then I don’t know what to tell you anymore.”

“Can we just sleep on it? Today has been exhausting, coming home to this, I just don’t need this right now.”

“Then when? It’s always tomorrow, or later with you. Can’t you see that it’s hurting me?” You shake your head, “You have me here in this condo, hiding away. Nobody even knows I exist.”

“So Urban and Cope are nobodies?” He got defensive, his signature move.

You look at him, raising a brow, “Really? Because to my knowledge, only my parents, your two friends and Marisol know about our relationship.”

Jack sighs, he walked closer to you and wrapped you in a hug. “Okay baby, I get it, I do.” He pulled back, lifting your chin so you can look up at him. “I’ll do better, we’ll do better.”

You chose to believe him, for the sake of not going to sleep angry. You did remind him you were being serious and he seemed to know that.

The next morning you woke up to a giant bouquet of flowers and your favorite drink. Jack was sitting there waiting for you at the table,

“Good morning beautiful” he smiled and you walked over to him, sitting in his lap. Your arm was wrapped around his shoulder. “You don’t have a studio session today?”

“I don’t, I actually wanted to talk to you about what we discussed last night” he seemed to be more calm today than yesterday so you took the bait.

“Yes?” You smiled, eyeing him up and down.

“I did some thinking and” he paused. “I planned a big dinner tonight and I think it’s time you meet everyone” he smiled.

“Really?” Your eyes widened and he laughed at the look of shock on your face.

“Really! Baby girl, I love you and I need everyone to know it” he smiled and you practically started to cry.

“Your parents?” Your eyes continued to water.

“And grandparents” he smirked and you hugged him, feeling him chuckle against your chest.

“Can I invite Marisol?” You asked him, pulling away from the hug.

He nodded, rolling his eyes, “Yes, obviously!”

“Thank you baby.” but a realization dawned on you, you jumped out from your spot “Wait, what am I going to wear? I don’t even have my nails done.”

“Babe relax, I have all that set up for you. You and Marisol will go for a spa day, and get your nails done while I make sure everything is set up.”

You jumped on him, wrapping your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck. “I love you.”

“I love you too, pretty girl.” He pecked your lips.

You and Marisol spent your morning and afternoon shopping and getting your nails done.

You decided on nude nails, and a beautiful black dress, with feathers around the chest area. You and Jack walked into the restaurant, hand in hand.

Jack felt your nerves, “Babe, relax” Jack chuckles.

“I can’t help it, I’m nervous to meet everyone.”

“Everything will be okay.” He reassured you before going inside the hall where dinner would be held.

When you walked in, you immediately scanned the room, looking at the beautiful set up, the lights across the room, the candles and the flowers.

You quickly scanned the room, nervous at all the unfamiliar faces.

Jack walked you towards a table, “Y/N, these are my parents and grandparents.”

You smiled “Nice to finally meet all of you!” They were warm and inviting, and gave good hugs.

“It took some time right?.” Maggie, his mom says, staring at her son. “But we’re happy to be here” she reassured you.

You smiled at that, and wrapped your hand around Jack's arm. The six of you fell into a comfortable conversation until Jack decided it was time to introduce you to everyone else.

After a while you took a bathroom break, quickly finding Marisol and taking her with you.

“Have you seen my parents around?” You asked her, washing your hands.

“No, I was hoping to sit with them since I don’t know anyone here other than the guy with the face tattoos and the one holding the camera.”

You chuckled “that would be Cope and Urban.” You retouched your lipstick. “They should’ve been here by now no?”

Marisol stared at you, “Maybe he didn’t invite them? You think?”

“He wouldn’t do that, I mean this is a huge night so he knew I would’ve loved to have them here.”

“It’s weird isn’t it though? He didn’t include me in any of the planning, and your parents aren’t here.”

“I guess” you sighed, you were trying to focus on the positive aspects.

“Hey, hey, none of that.” She held both of your hands. “Maybe they’ll show up!”

You nodded and walked out, making your way to Jack in the center of the room. He gave you a smirk, one that made you narrow you eyes at him.

“Harlow, what are you up to?” You asked and he just laughed before grabbing a microphone from beside him.

Jack is holding the microphone to his mouth now, “Can I have everyone’s attention please?”

You heard the room go quiet and all eyes were immediately on you both.

“The reason all of you are here wasn't only so you can finally meet the woman in my life, it was because I wanted you here for a special reason” He smiles, squeezing your hand. “Y/N and I have been together for two years now, and like every relationship we have our ups and downs, but if there’s one thing I’m sure about, and it's her. I can’t picture my life without her in it.”

Jack gets on one knee in front of you, you can hear everyone gasping. You clearly weren’t the only one in the room who was shocked.

“Y/N, baby, you make me the happiest man on Earth. Will you do that forever? will you marry me?”

You were immediately overwhelmed, your eyes filled with tears and you couldn’t speak. You simply nodded in response.

He chuckles, “I don’t think anyone can hear you. Use your words baby.”

“Yes, yes, a million times yes” you screamed and he chuckled.

He slid the ring on your finger, standing up and you two shared a long and passionate kiss.

Soon you were surrounded with his family and friends, all congratulating you both. Marisol ran over to you and hugged you tight.

“Bitch, let me see the ring.” You smile and pull back from Marisol and show her.

“That’s beautiful, he did good and so quickly” she smiled.

You agreed but you couldn’t help but feel a bit sad once you realized your parents weren’t there.

“Hey, can I talk to you real quick?” You pull Jack aside, you felt guilty for ruining the moment but you couldn’t help it.

“What’s wrong?” He could tell by your face that you were upset about something.

“My parents, did you not tell them, or invite them?”

He shrugs, “You invited Marisol so I figured you would call them.”

You couldn’t help but feel frustrated. “Jack, are you serious? You didn’t think I would have wanted them here?”

“What do you want from me? I gave you what you asked for, now it’s my fault your parents aren’t here?”

“What I asked for? Did you not want to do this?” Your lip trembled.

“Baby, I spoke to your dad, I asked him for his blessing and he was happy about it. He said yes obviously” he replied.

“You did? You asked?” It didn’t change your mood entirely but it was a start.

“Yes, now can we go back to celebrating?“ he held his hand out to you.

The rest of the night went smoothly, you spent the night talking and dancing with everyone.

When the night was over you and Jack drove around for a while, and just talked about the future.

You felt at peace with your decision, knowing at the end of the day he was your soulmate.

Soulmates always end up together, right?

#Jack Harlow #Jack Harlow x reader #Jack Harlow angst #jack harlow imagines #jack harlow concepts #Jack Harlow blurbs #nattinatalia

[gffa]

Lumi, I really feel you, because truly and from the bottom of my heart, in my decade-plus-some of time in fan-spaces, I have never had a fandom and media burn me out the way star wars did. I have never gone from "this is great and I am having fun!" to "I never want to interact with this fan-space or media ever again" faster. I don't know how you keep doing it, but I really really admire you for it.

It really feels like compassion and kindness are seen as emotional labor or whatever, like we don’t owe anything to fellow human beings unless we like them and agree with them.  And I don’t mean that you’re only ever allowed to be positive, but when kindness is seen as something that’s a burden as a matter of course, I’m just exhausted. I love the Star Wars fandom, there’s so much good here and so many good people, but I am so tired of a fandom that rewards misery and seems incapable of ever letting anything go, even the inconsequential stupid stuff.  I’m so tired of having made joke posts and getting angry screeds about how this character or that character was the worst when, dude, I’m just trying to be silly here.  I’m so tired of being told that, unless I agree that a given character is actually kind of sucky, then I have no media literacy.  I’m so tired of fandom being more about other fans than about the source material.  I’m so tired of struggling between wondering if someone even likes Star Wars versus that I have to let people have their own way of engaging, it’s not up to me how they interact with it. But I’m so tired of it sapping away my desire to create anything just for the joy of creating it.  I work as hard as I can to snip the commentary about other fans out of my posts (I’m not perfect, I’m probably still kind of a bitch sometimes, but I do genuinely work on it) but my motivation keeps getting tied back to writing for/against other people because half of the people in fandom can’t leave each other the fuck alone or respect boundaries anymore. I want that excitement of writing something just because I wanted to write it, not because I’m playing defense against shitty comments.  I want to be able to say, “I love this character!” without getting five reblogs of people just having to say, well, sure, they did a bunch of bad things, but they’re not the worst.  No!  I want to just plainly be able to say I love that character and think they’re cool and I think they were right in this situation! I want some joy back in fandom because, honestly, what the fuck is the point of fandom if it’s not adding to your life, rather than taking away from it? I want to not feel like all the joyful people are quietly leaving fandom because they can’t take it anymore, either.  (Some of you are doing the lord’s work and bless you for it!  But it has definitely felt like fandom is really quiet lately.)

#lumi.txt #sw negativity

[ajxrn]

mmmmmm (tw for transphobia, surgery/medical stuff, genitalia and body parts, and gender dysphoria mentions)

Feeling dysphoric. So here’s a rant. </3

I’ve been questioning my gender since I was 13. I don’t relate to how I see other trans people state how they were born in the wrong body. More so a “I used to be a girl” feeling. I wasn’t always a boy. I just had awakenings and realized I would be more comfortable in my body if I presented masculine.

When I first questioned, I thought I was genderfluid. It felt alright at first. I fucked around with pronouns and titles, and realized that like hey! I can be whoever I want! Soon those “girl days” and “boy days” I had turned into a different feeling. I started liking more masculine shit, but that made me very afraid of feminine things. I feel dysphoric when I wear “highly feminine” things ig, but I know it’s because I have a weird shame inside me about how I “used to be a girl” and now I’m trying to be one again or something.

Cut to nowadays, I’ve figured some shit out and I’m feeling more comfortable. I’ve got a name that feels right, a few even, and my pronouns are good.

But even after years, I’m still not there yet.

I know I’m young so I shouldn’t worry, but on top of my transphobic family it gets..tiring. Living in a household where you feel like you need to live up to what everyone else sees you as can be so exhausting. I look in the mirror and I can’t even fucking recognize myself anymore sometimes. Sure, that face is mine. But it doesn’t look like how I want it to. But that’s the big problem.

I don’t KNOW what I want to look like.

surgery is scary. T is scary. Thinking of transitioning makes me sick. I genuinely don’t know. I know I don’t want bottom surgery, I’m pretty fine with having afab parts down there. Having a vagina doesn’t make me feel bad. But top surgery and hormones are what scare me. Some days I think I would like to, and other days it freaks me out. I know I have a lot of internalized transphobia (or just general queerphobia) at myself because of my upbringing, and honestly I have had a coming out experience that traumatized me. Bad. Like it’s just the fact that I know my family will never accept nor support me. I’m conflicted. I want to be comfortable in my body. I want to love myself. I want to wake up and see myself in the mirror and be filled with confidence. I want to feel good about my body. But I can’t. I have a big chest and my body shape is very feminine. I have longish hair and my features are pretty feminine and shit. It’s a bit tiring flipping back and forth between liking yourself and not liking yourself at all.

And looking just like my mom doesn’t help. Looking just like someone who has hurt me and would hate me for my identity is painful. I don’t want to look anything like her. My whole life I’ve heard that “you look like your mother” and “you’re basically twins” nonstop. Even before knowing I was trans it was upsetting. It takes away my sense of self, leaving me empty and blank like a white canvas.

A perfect, white canvas. But I took that canvas, and I changed it. I colored that canvas throughout the pain, the joy, the rage, the everything. I let myself take the broken glass and glue it back together. Sure, it’s not perfect, but there is beauty in all art, isn’t there?

And yknow what? At the end of the day, all I need to know might just be that:

I’m me.

#rant #Feel free to read this lol it’s a bit long #Delete later

[eggyoneshots]

roof confessions

a/n: now see im reviving this fandom with @galalunaboyfriend and what better to start off that than a lance x reader fic also god this formatting sucks but ill suffer thru it

He really didn't understand why you insisted on calling him instead of just sending him a text. He didn’t know why he always answered either, but frankly if he dwelled on it, he’d probably realize things he wasn’t ready to admit to himself even. He always asked why, but you just changed the subject, or said “wouldn’t you like to know” before changing the subject, so he figured you’d spill eventually. Maybe. Lance wasn’t even sure, you were as stubborn as him, which is a genuine feat. However, despite you being his closest friend that didn’t live in the same house as him, he was not tolerant of being phoned by you at 3 in the fucking morning on a school day to talk about a fucking frog figurine you saw over six hours ago, especially when he was resting ever so peacefully for once in his life. Still, he looked at his phone, angry and exhausted, pressing the answer button. You’re lucky he likes you. “YN. It is..” He pauses, staring at the clock for a solid minute, trying to remember how to read. “It’s 3:07 in the morning. On a t.. Tuesday? I don’t remember.” He sounded horrific, considering you woke him up before his usual time. He’s a routine follower, and you interrupted it.

“It’s- It’s important, I swear.” You sounded just as tired, but obviously you were excited to share something. However tired he was, he knew you’d still tell him regardless of his desire to go back to sleep. He rolled over, staring at the ceiling, ready to go through whatever verbal torment you had ready. “Ok ok, so, this was..” He heard shuffling, then the sound of something plastic being put down. “I saw this at like, 6pm, it was in the window of this like, antique shop or something, right?” You paused, staying quiet. Were you expecting him to respond? He grunted, giving you a tired ‘right.’ “Right, and this.. This ffffuckin’ frog, it was… ceramic or something, I dunno, but it was like, staring right at me as I was looking, and I just knew I had to get it.” Lance raised a brow at the sound of you tapping your window. “Look through your window, trust me dude.” He blinked, sitting up sluggishly. Sure enough, you were standing at the window, phone up to your ear, holding.. A ceramic frog. It was small, the size of your palm, and it was just. .staring at him. He kind of gets the appeal. “Look at this thing. It’s so silly.” Lance moved to stare at you after a moment, glaring. “What.”

“You called me at 2am for.. A frog.” You nodded from across the window, giving a sleepy grin. “..You couldn’t have just.. Texted me? Or, preferably, wait for tomorrow morning.” You shrugged, putting the frog down on your windowsill with the other collectibles you had. Did you really keep that rock that he admitted to grabbing from the ground, then used as an apology? (He still felt bad about how he treated you when you first met.)

“I like hearing you talk.” He blinked, slowly processing what you said. Meanwhile, you looked like you wanted to drop dead on the spot. He suddenly felt awake, eyes comically widening. “Hey wow, I’m so sleepy suddenly, ok bye goodnight!” You clicked the hang up button before he could even respond, making him stare at his phone with a completely shocked expression.

“WHAT-” He almost screamed, watching you disappear to your bed, which was out of sight from the window. He never typed so fast in his life, thankful you texted him sometimes. ‘HELLO?’ ‘YOU CAN’T DROP THAT ON ME THEN DISAPPEAR FOR THE NIGHT??’ ‘So help me I’ll break in through your window.’ ‘YN.’ ‘ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW.’ He stared at his phone, waiting for maybe two minutes total until you responded finally.

‘roof meeting’

He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He tossed on a hoodie, not realizing it was one you got him because he said it ‘looked comfy.’ Opening his window, he crouched on his windowsill, crawling onto his roof, waiting for you. Eventually, and knowing you it’s because you were doing your usual ‘anti-anxiety routine’, which he caught you doing before a test once, you crawled from your window, sitting across from him on your roof. He just stared at you for a minute, unaware his face was sort of red, before finally breaking the horrific silence. “Are you going to explain, or are we going to sit here until it’s morning?” You made a face, tapping your fingers against your knee. “Well?”

“I’m thinking, damnit!” You looked at him finally, your face basically cherry colored. He let out a sigh, crossing his arms and looking you in the eye. “You know staring at me like you’re going to kill me isn’t helping, right?” You shrunk into yourself slightly, trying to avoid eye contact with him. Honestly, if you were struck by lightning or something right now you would not complain in the slightest. “I just- uh..”

“You just.. What?” He wasn’t mad. He just.. He didn’t even know. Maybe it’s because you usually tell him pretty much everything.

You groaned, rubbing a hand over your face. “It’s just- ugh, I like hearing you because it’s like.. comforting?” You weren’t looking at him as you spoke, afraid of his reaction. “Like, you’re kind of this source of comfort for me, and like.. being around you is nice, and I like you a lot more than I should, and I just really love you in general-” You were rambling at this point, not noticing the almost starstruck look on Lance’s face. You.. loved him? That’s not- There’s no way. He was barely listening at this point, head swimming. You weren’t even looking at him right now, hyper focused on the ground below.

The minute he finally finished processing what you said, he tried, tried, to get your attention. “Yn.” You clearly hadn’t heard him at all, considering you were still rambling. It would’ve been nice, if it wasn’t for the fact he needed you to be quiet for once and listen to him. “Yn.” Even when he was louder, still nothing, not even a glance. “Yn!” You looked at him for a millisecond, but kept rambling. Alright. “YN!” You finally stopped, looking at him, sometimes, fidgeting nervously. “Are you serious?” He’d rather not dodge asking, and get to the point. You looked like you were going to die on the spot. “Yn. Answer me. Please.” He sucked at this. He really did. This is like one of those scenes in those stupid drama shows Ilana watched. Just with less crying.

He kept staring at you, waiting. He was honestly hoping you were serious. What. That’s extremely new, did he.. You were essentially part of the family, even if you weren't like them. He’d witnessed you patch them up after every battle, made sure Oktus hadn’t broken or anything, even when Tashy 497 (Tarax would always be its name to him, but he wouldn't admit that) was dying, you were there for them, somehow knowing what to say perfectly. You opened your mouth, pretty much visibly thinking over what to say. “I.. I am. I’m dead serious.” You looked away for a moment, taking a deep breath. “I’ve.. felt like this for.. months. Almost a year, actually. I just didn't think you’d ever really.. figure it out. Or feel the same.” You blinked, coughing into your fist. “Not- Not that I think you do, if-if you don’t it’s fine, we can still be friends, and I-”

“I do.” It came out before he could stop himself, throat almost closing up. SMOOTH ONE, LANCE. You looked at him, eyebrows shooting up. Huh wuh. “I.. I do, uh, feel the same. I just..” He stopped, brain coming to a halt on how to finish the sentence.

“Don’t know how to show it?” He was always grateful you knew how to talk about this stuff.

“Yes. I.. never really.. went through anything like..” He paused, making an awkward hand motion between the two of you. “This. Admitting it, even feeling anything like it. Not.. Not like this, at least.” He felt like blowing up. Please, if there’s any divine being out there, please blow him up for letting him admit this. “But, even if I’m not really, you know, experienced, I guess, I.. I still want to try.”

“You’re.. you’re sure?” You looked almost surprised, but at the same time hopeful. He wasn’t kidding. He wouldn’t joke about this, he wasn’t that kind of person. “We- We don’t- You don’t have to, I-I don’t want you doing anything just because of what I said.”

“I’m more than sure, YN.” Lance smiled at you, face turning slightly pink. “I can’t promise I’ll be any good at.. Anything in this case, but I want to try,” He looked away for a second, face turning darker pink. “For us both.”

You smiled, your own face becoming pink. “Alright. Alright!” You gave a toothy grin, feeling elated. Who knew calling your best friend to talk about a frog you found would end up like this. You weren’t complaining though.

#lance lunis #lance lunis x reader #sym bionic titan #sym bionic titan x reader #ill make the tags my damn self.

[blackllghtburns]

I hate how rapidly and intensely my mood shifts like

I can literally go from 0 to 100 and then back to 0 within an hour or two. And it’s exhausting. It sucks too because like -- I get it from other people’s perspectives too. I get why I’m hard to be around sometimes and am even harder to live with. But also like, I don’t want to be like. None of this is fun. Like literally if I could exchange my brain or do something to make it NOT my worst enemy? I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’d give anything to not feel like this.

Realistically I know I need to see a psychiatrist because it’s Very Clearly just. Something that’s wired wrong in my brain. but like. Literally the One time I went to a psych for this exact issue (YEARS AGO) she just was like. Yeah you probably have a personality disorder. But then prescribed me a medication that fucked me up so bad I just never went back. But things have also gotten so much worse since then, along with other new symptoms that genuinely scare the Fuck out of me and like. Idk. This very much is Not how brains are supposed to work.

It scares me too, because all of this is so hard for me to be talk about. And yeah I joke about being crazy but also, Clinically Diagnosed Crazy feels so much worse. Then there’s the underlying fear that if I told a psych or whoever exactly what I feel 24/7 I’d just get committed. Which may be unrealistic but like, that thought terrifies me. And idk how to explain it but also the thought of having a label for everything feels like I’ll somehow be Outed as “insane” which is also unrealistic. Plus the fact that literally anyone who spends a prolonged period of time with me already knows these shifts in mood and other shit aren’t normal. Idk. There’s just so much fear there. To the point where fear is honestly the only consistent emotion I ever feel.

This is genuinely the biggest interference to my quality of life and it sucks. Like, I have so many reasons I should be happy but I’m Not. And along with that comes the guilt of knowing there are literally so many people that have it worse, and yet I’m wasting my life being miserable. And I beat myself up constantly like ‘you’re literally the only person stopping you from being happy’ but also it’s just. Literally how my brain works. And saying ‘I can’t help it’ feels like one gigantic cop out but I also literally did not choose this. And sometimes these lows get so bad that I feel like a genuine danger to myself and that’s also not how I want to spend the rest of my life. 

Idk man. I don’t want to be a drugged up zombie but I also don’t want to feel like This anymore. And sometimes I feel like maybe feeling nothing would be better than feeling literally every single emotion possible within the span of a few hours. I’m just tired of feeling like I’m fighting a losing battle with my own head. So maybe it’s something to look in to when my new insurance kicks in. Idk. For now tho I will just keep trucking along I guess  

#ignore me #it's like 8:30 and I feel very much like I could spend all day in bed #which is probably a sign that I need to get out and do something #at least be somewhere other than this house

[garbria]

Because I want all your CorNyx kisses, how about 31? ♥️

31. …after a small rejection

Cor put his hand over his eyes and made himself take a deep breath. As satisfying as screaming would feel, he didn’t need the attention it would bring. The last few days had been an absolute clusterfuck and it didn’t seem like things were going to get better any time soon. 

The fucking council.

Not that Cor wanted Regis to act like his asshole father, but sometimes he wished Regis would put the fear of himself in them so they stopped making his life more difficult. Or at least let him tell them to go fuck themselves.

Rumors of Niff agent activity had been rampant, and Monica had their people working all shifts tracking every available lead. Which left him to deal with the panicking council members, who were convinced there must be Niff assassins lurking around every corner to kill them in their sleep. Every available guard not tracking down actual leads was being assigned to bolster security to stop their whining. It had been a while since the guard was so stretched and Cor didn’t miss it. 

He’d actually been sleeping on the couch in his office for the past two days to keep on top of things, which was doing his back no favors. He’d asked Drautos for some assistance from the glaive, but most of them were out in the field on some offensive. Drautos had assigned the ones that he had available, but the ones with proper clearance were few and far between. And he couldn’t put them on security for the council members without making everything worse.

He needed a nap, in an actual bed. But he wasn’t going to get one, not anytime soon. 

There was a knock on his door, and Cor scrubbed at his face before lifting his head. He hoped he didn’t look as wiped as he felt.

“Come in!”

Nyx walked through, smile on his face. “Hey, stranger. Long time no see.”

Cor’s lips twitched upward without his input. Nyx had been away on a mission for weeks, and Cor had lost track of when he was due back. It was good to see him.

“Do you want to go grab some dinner? We could try out that new restaurant, see if the seafood is as good as advertised. Or maybe Yamachang’s instead? Though the others would probably be all up in our business if we went there. I hear there’s a new bar a few blocks from here, we could see how bad their Galahdan whiskey is.”

Cor frowned as Nyx went on, cheerfully listing their options as the pressure behind his eyes spiked. He was happy to see Nyx, truly he was, but his energy was just making him more exhausted.

“Nyx!” Cor snapped. “Stop! I don’t have time for any of that!”

Nyx froze, hands still in the air where they had been gesturing. Cor watched as Nyx’s expression shuttered, burying the genuine happiness under a polite mask.

“Of course, I know you’re busy. I’m sorry, I’ll let you get back to work.” Nyx backed up slowly, polite smile never leaving his face.

Cor grimaced as shame stabbed through him. Nyx didn’t deserve to have Cor take out his frustrations on him. He stood and reached out to grab Nyx before he could leave.

“Nyx, I’m sorry.” Cor moved his hand from Nyx’s arm to his shoulder. “You didn’t deserve that. It’s been a long fucking week, and I wish I had time to welcome you back like I want, but things are insane.” He shook his head.

“I can see you’re tired.” Nyx’s smile this time was more genuine. “I’m sorry for coming at you with all these plans when you’re so swamped.”

Cor shook his head and gave into temptation. He leaned in to kiss Nyx while running his fingers through his braids. He pulled away to rest their foreheads together. “I did miss you.”

Nyx huffed. “I missed you, too, clearly. We can try one of those places when things have calmed down.” Nyx brushed a hand over his cheek. “Until then, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Have you eaten?”

Cor shook his head sheepishly.

Nyx sighed. “No wonder you’re a little grumpy. I’ll be right back with something from the mess hall, lay down on your couch and close your eyes until I get back.”

Cor let Nyx push him towards the couch, but pulled him down for one last kiss before letting him out the door. 

#awlwren #my fic #nyx ulric #cor leonis #kingsglaive #ffxv #cornyx #kiss meme #cor's had a rough week #nyx makes it better

[selfships-in-spanish]

Hey it’s been a while since we’ve been able to talk but I’ve missed you!!!

Just a life update I figured out I am a lesbian so 🤪

I’m finishing up my junior year of college now and figuring out vacation with my girlfriend! It’s been a busy year but every once in a while I like to check in on your blog and read through your older writing stuff

I hope you’re having a great year, and I’d love to hear what’s been going on with you <3

MY DARLING <3333333333333333333

This made me genuinely so, so happy! I MISSED YOU TOO!!!! Even if doesn't seem like it, I think about all of you a lot. I love every interaction, ask and comment we ever had and it has brought me so much joy! I really hope you all are having wonderful times and that are okay <3

I know I have Tumblr super abandoned and I'm on Twitter and sometimes on Instagram, but I was thinking about coming back here. I really love Tumblr, even though they have massive issues and shit :_) gotta love this little hellhole.

BUT YOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! SO HAPPY FOR YOU MY LOVE 💖💖💖 I'm so glad you can be fully you, and be happy with it!! (drinking game, shot every time I write happy in this reply)

I hope these last months of college treat you well and that you pass with flying colours ✨ Last push! C'MON YOU GOT THIS!! THEN VACATIONS WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND FUCK YEAH! Sounds super good!!! (I'm seriously writing all this with a huge smile sdjflskadjfsadfhakhgfksfd I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU)

Also thank you for checking in ;v; I do plan to post more stuff, also updates on the QoD fic (I swear I'm getting to it, LIFE HAS BEEN CRAZY) and arts and stuff. Get ready for an incoming spam <3

But on my part life has been busy as fuck too, but in a good way.

Well, first of all I caught covid and almost went to the hospital xD I was alone at home and my entire family caught it too, so we couldn't go to take care of each other and my boyfriend was back at his home, too. Also with covid.

It was massively shitty.

Luckily we all recovered from it, so that's a good thing!! But well, apart from that I was unemployed and no matter how hard I tried, I wasn't able to land a job. The whole covid situation really made it seriously difficult and I wanted to scream. I somehow landed a job as a colour assistant on the Webtoon series Sable Curse, (still can't believe it sfsdfa) which is officially launched now!! I was super happy to be part of the team and see how the story and characters developed. It really was super fun and a learning experience! But I had to leave it because... I FOUND A JOB!

I am officially a 2D concept artist & illustrator! :DDDDD YOUR GIRL MADE IT, FUCK YEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS

But it means it's a day job, 8-5 and I am so fucking tired I spend my evenings doodling and playing Genshin :_) I'm slowly finishing commissions but I am super exhausted. I love my job though x)

I also recently moved into a new flat! Me and my boyfriend wanted to move out because we had humidity & mold, a lot of problems with the neighbourhood and such, so we were looking for a new one like crazy. It was draining and so. fucking. shitty. because in Barcelona flat prices are INSANE. Also because of my new job I need to be closer to the office... so we were looking to move out of the city itself, too. And we made it! By sheer luck but we made it xD

Holy fuck I'm writing a bible here xD

But basically, that's it! New job, new flat, new me! And also still on my eruri/aot bullshit because those two got me on a chokehold. Eva is my darling baby and I was itching also to draw Ona, my child TvT

Thank you so much for reaching out to me and writing this message! It seems super silly but I'm so happy you did so! TvT

I hope everything continues to go well for you!! You deserve it <3

#ask #atittueball #life update #I'M BACK BITCHES #SORT OF #I'M TRYING

[ventinganddailyentries]

July 24, 2023: 3:29 AM

I know I am too much, and the fact that I won’t change makes me hate myself. I hate the fact that I thought I was okay. You know that saying, “if you have bpd, sometimes you’ll think you’re completely okay, but you get into a romantic relationship, and you’re at rock-bottom again”, it’s really true. I love my boyfriend to death, he’s the best person I’ve ever met. I hate how much I love him. I hate the way I love him. I hate the way I think. The way my brain works. I just don’t want to feel this way anymore. I hate how empty I feel without him around. (He went on a trip by the way,). He’s gonna be gone around one month. I was fine the first day he left, he had a long roadtrip and didn’t have internet the entire time. The second day he left was today, and I was fine until he messaged me tonight. He messaged me in the morning and everything seemed pretty okay. Tonight, at around 2 in the morning, he messaged me and seemed pretty tired. I fucking hate the way my brain works. The fact that he’s tired means he doesn’t love me anymore. He doesn’t care. He wants to be with other girls. He hates talking to me. He worked for around two hours and had to wake up early the next day for his driving class. The fact that he was exhausted yet still texted me is irrelevant, his TONE! HIS TONE! HIS TONE DUE TO BEING TIRED IS WHAT MATTERS! I’m SELF AWARE, yet I STILL am upset about this. I also feel left out, he posted pictures on his story without telling me. Him having fun without me makes me feel boring. Useless. Irrelevant. Replaceable. I feel like he’s better off without me. Like I make no impact in his life. And that’s so fucking stupid of me. What’s worse is I was really proud of myself on how okay I was feeling on the first day. I’m so selfish. I hate myself. Sometimes it baffles me how much I hate myself. I genuinely just wish I could be okay for him. All I am is an angry, sad, jealous, miserable, insecure person. I want to be happy for him. It’s really hard. I hate it. I love him so much. I just want what’s best for him. I don’t think that’s me. He deserves to be with a happy, confident girl. Not with some miserable, pathetic loser. I just want him to be happy, so I don’t tell him this stuff. I don’t tell him what’s going on in my mind so I don’t ruin his travels. I don’t want to ruin his happy mood. Everything’s going well for him. Nothing ever goes well for me, not because of my circumstances, but because of my brain, everything in my life will be a hellish nightmare.

[christinethesilentscreamer]

i’m so tired tbh

i’m tired of being invalidated. 

like...it comes from all sides. all of them. people genuinely trying their best, people who couldn’t care less, like...it doesn’t matter. i’m tired of feeling like i have to explain myself or correct people or what the fuck ever. 

like...if some part of my identity could just be fucking validated and understood, that would be great. 

here’s the thing: i’m nonbinary, i’m bisexual, and i have adhd. none of these things did i choose for myself. someone wants to make fun of my hair color or how i do my makeup, sure. whatever, i’m not happy about it, but i made a choice, and i am standing by it. but i didn’t choose to be queer or neurodivergent. it is not easy to be this way.

being bisexual isn’t a trend. having adhd isn’t a quirk. being nonbinary isn’t just some kind of new wave feminism or whatever. like...these are real, deep seeded aspects of my consciousness, and i wish the people i interacted with on a daily basis took the time to just fucking read something. 

i am constantly policing myself because i feel like i have to put qualifiers on everything to not inconvenience people. everyone i see on a regular basis, at this point, knows these things about me. i am not quiet about it. but they get mad at me when i try to say, “hey, x thing is actually really difficult for me because of my fucking brain chemistry.” or it comes across as rude when i correct someone using the incorrect pronouns. or i have to explain the kind of gay i am when i say something about being queer because i’m in a relationship with a man. things don’t stop being true when they’re inconvenient.

yes, i am asking people to be a little more thoughtful when they refer to me. that should be allowed. other people get to use their correct pronouns, and if you’re as much of an ally as you claim to be, i should also garner the same level of respect. i have come out so many times recently as nonbinary, stated that i use they/them pronouns, and not ONCE has someone gotten them right. someone at work today, that i had a lengthy conversation with about my pronouns and if i would like them to correct people on my behalf when they hear someone using the wrong ones FUCKING MISGENDERED ME TODAY. like, if you’re not going to put in the effort, please don’t act like you will. 

everyone knows i have adhd, but they don’t want to act like i do. no one cares enough to learn what that actually means, and i am so tired of trying to explain myself. like, my brain works differently. i don’t know what else to say. certain things are really difficult, i don’t like certain things because of how my brain works. and it’s really frustrating, because there are certain things i do that, i guess to some seem kind of funny. objectively i understand that. i make random noises sometimes, i can’t sit still, which comes out as little dances and things of that nature. i forget what i’m saying mid-sentence if a new, more interesting thought comes along. those are the parts of adhd i’m allowed to exhibit. but the moment executive function issues come into play, or my sleep schedule is fucked up, or i get irrationally angry really quickly, but it goes away after a few minutes, well, those things i just have to stop doing. just sleep better. just make a list. just calm down. i...fucking....CANT. it is not FUN to be like this. it isn’t always silly funtime in my fucking head. in fact, most of the time it’s fucking chaos, and outright exhausting. i almost constantly have a low-level headache because of this shit. i am not good at managing stress. my worth has always been tied to my performance, so no, i can’t just take a break. i don’t know how to just...be a person when my whole life is broken down into things i have to correct about myself. i’m so tired. 

i don’t know why anyone would think any of this is a choice. being queer, but not queer enough. being nonbinary, but not androgynous enough. being functional, but not functional enough. i would love with every fiber of my being to be able to just exist but that has never been an option. i’ve always been a problem to be solved. i would love to be able to just know who i am and not care what anyone calls me or what they think of me. but when you’re not queer enough, how can you find community? when you’re not *gender* enough, how long can you really take of someone calling you the wrong thing when you’ve specifically asked them not to. when you’ve been tasked your entire life with monitoring how you inconvenienced everyone around you, and doing everything in your power to minimize that because you’re not allowed to take up space...really, how long is that sustainable. you can’t be okay with who you are when literally everyone around you is telling you that who you are isn’t allowed. i want to be able to take pride in who i am, and own my struggles and really have some power in my life and over myself, but without active support, that is literally impossible.  i’m so tired of other people making aspects of myself about them. it fucking sucks, and tells me i’m not worth the effort.  at this point, i don’t even know why i try anymore. i’m so hurt, and tired, and just generally worn down that i feel like i don’t have it in me to fight for myself anymore. i just want to give up. 

[moxfirefly]

Well! You ask I deliver. The 'only one bed' trope with Donnie and his crush? Doesnt have to be nsfw or anything, it can be pure pre-relationship fluff :3 (I also live for that trope even if irl sharing a bed isnt a big deal at all)

Have a nice day!!

*rubs hands together* you never let me down friend 🖤

Rated Fluff and Tension™️

This was stupid.

Absolutely dumb.

So why was he approaching it like it was a complex reconstruction of the truck and the tools just happened to be on fire?

Donnie sighed, there was no reason to blow this out of proportions. Everyone had already climbed onto their respective beds. While Casey and April had no issues sharing the small cot and Vern had been relegated to the couch, you were left to share a bed with anybody willing of. Before the sentence was done you had announced that you didn’t mind sleeping with Donnie.

Which earned you a snort from Mikey, who’s mouth was quickly covered, a smile from Leo and Raph basically telling you the bed would be yours since ‘Einstein don’t sleep shit anyways’

Baseless assumptions.

He slept. He slept plenty. He just slept really really really late into midnight…maybe dawn…sometimes around sunrise.

Point in hand though, he was genuinely tired right about now and you had drifted off a couple of hours ago and you were just…

Was it possible e to fall in love even more when somebody looks the way you do when they sleep? Your sleep shorts had little pineapples on them, that was downright the most stupidest thing that’s ever made him go keyboard smash in his life.

With a sigh he took off his glasses and bandana. Maybe you were an early bird, as soon as he crashed you would hopefully wake up and start your morning. Exhaustion reared it’s ugly little claws at his brain and with all the stealth he possessed he approached his bed.

Currently occupied by you.

The most beautiful thing on this fucking side of the galaxy.

“Do you usually watch people sleep?” Came your groggy voice. Donnie yelped, no his best sound, but he could’ve sworn you were asleep. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you, I’m just trying to-“ You scooted away before he could say or ask and patted the free space on his bed. “Climb on” You smiled sleepily, half closed eyes watched him get in and lay on his side to face you. “Sorry for the accommodations, we did vote to throw Vern out but dad insisted we remain kind” That brought a sleepy snort from you, which only made him smile more. “Crushed that he vetoed that, but I’m not gonna lie, this beats hotel beds by a long shot” You offered him more of the covers, making sure he was snuggled and relaxed.

It was interesting. The idle chat whispered between the two of you. Your scent on his sheets, the way the fairy lights casted a soft glow on your skin.

He quite liked this.

Man, he liked you a lot too.

“I’m a kicker by the way, hope that doesn’t put you off” You nudged his knee with your toes.

“Cant be worse than Leo, I’m convinced he trains in his sleep, I bunked with him until we were maybe 7 or 8, I don’t miss it” The both of you chuckled as quietly as possible.

“Would’ve taken Mikey for the kicker” He saw your eyes run across his maskless face and missing eyewear, he liked the tiny smile you gave him.

“Nuclear warfare could go off next to Mikey and he still wouldn’t budge” That made you cover your mouth to stifle a louder snort.

Donnie caught you looking at his face more, if he could get red faced he would’ve. “You alright?” He hesitated to ask. You in turn nodded before sticking a hand out from the sheets to pat his chin. “You look different without the eyeglasses and bandana” You noted softly to which Donne felt another wave of embarrassment hit. Different good? Different bad?

“I like it, the shape of your eyes is cute”

Cute?

“Thanks, never really saw myself like that” It felt like an autopilot response regardless of his heart threatening to wake up everybody in the Lair. You shrugged, already feeling sleep tickle your senses.

“You’re very cute, Donnie” You yawned a little and turned away and bid him a good night.

The shape of your back, the curve of your body, he could memorize this forever, recreate it in his brain perfectly.

“Think you’re beautiful, y/n” He spoke more to himself, the gentle rise of your back told him you were fast asleep again.

You weren’t.

#ask #dianounais #tmnt bayverse #donnie #tmnt donatello x reader #tmnt donnie x reader #donatello x reader #donnie x reader #tmnt Donatello #tmnt Donnie #fluff #fanfic tropes #Donatello #requested one shot

[prettyboykatsuki]

»» — {♡} —— { ♡ } —— {♡} — ««

comforting sleep deprived s/o | bnha

➳ incld  ;; bakugo and kirishima 

➳ warnings ;; none, just fluff, pro-hero!au 

➳ wc ;; 1.8k overall. 

➳ a/n ;; i haven’t slept properly in days. running on empty so this is how im coping. i love them. 

»» — {♡} —— { ♡ } —— {♡} — ««

i. bakugo katsuki 

- doesn’t like napping cause he insists on keeping his sleep schedule tight. not that you can really get mad at him over that - hero work is busy and he doesn’t like being tired cause it makes him more aggravated than usual. 

- so he avoids naps almost at all costs and rarely gets tired. his sleep schedule is really, really good. 

- not so much the same for you though. 

- bakugo accepted pretty early on that you were something of a night-owl. bad sleep anxiety and just generally having too much energy at night made it so that he rarely ever saw you go to bed. you were at least lagging a few hours behind him like. at all times. 

- he didn’t really mind at first, but at some point he realized just how little sleep you actually got. one time he woke up at 7am, surprised to see you also awake - only to find out you hadn’t slept the entire night. 

- he was pissed. after almost blowing up your kitchen, he sighed and basically told you that if you need helping sleeping to just “fucking ask him” or else. 

- needless to say, it didn’t get that much better. you two compromised by setting a time that you had to be in bed by, even if you weren’t asleep. whenever bakugo has time, he’s always trying to get you to rest but sometimes his schedule doesn’t really allow him to check up on you how he likes. 

- he’s coming home from a long mission. not super tired but just tedious work. he just wanted to relax. it was late, 3:37am on the clock when he finally walks in. 

- to his surprise - there’s a light on in the kitchen. when he walks in, very confused, he sees you sliding cookies off of a sheetpan into a little plastic tupperware. he stops. he stares. 

- why the hell were you baking at three in the fucking morning 

- “what the fuck are you doing awake?”

- you jump back with a hand over your chest, barely catching your breath. you blink a few times before sighing. 

- “baking. i didn’t think you’d be home so soon” 

- he hears it before he sees it. your voice is absolutely tattered - he can literally hear how exhausted you are. he pumps the breaks, walking towards you swiftly before staring down at you hard. 

- “when was the last time you slept,” 

- you press your lips into a tight smile, and he sees the dark purple under your eyes. he feel his heart hurt a little. his hands come up to your face as he brushes his thumb every so slightly against your lashes. 

- “it’s uh.. hard to sleep without you. more than usual, you know” 

- “Y/N” 

- “i don’t know. maybe two or three days ago properly? i mean i got some sleep in between but -,” 

- he stops you before you can start. he shuts the cookie container and leaves the tray in the sink before grabbing your hand a little forcefully and tugs you to the bathroom - lifting you up onto the counter. you know to stay put. 

- when he comes back it’s with a fresh change of clothes for the both of you. you blink at him owlishly as he strips himself off of his clothes - grateful he took time to shower at the agency. 

- he takes his shirt off and then takes yours off too, before pulling you right towards him. your arms instantly are around his neck, the warmth of his body pressed against your figure with his chin tucked over your shoulder. 

- and god - he’s so comforting you kind of want to cry. he smells like clean soap and deodorant and a little like smoke. feeling his skin against yours makes you feel instant relief. just hugging in the bathroom has you falling half asleep. you were just so tired. 

- when he pulls back, his whole face looks so damn worried it makes you want to cry. you put your own hands on his face and cheek, brushing your thumb on his cheek bone as he rests his forehead on yours. 

- “dumbasss. i can leave something with you if it’s that bad - fuck, you could’ve called me, you know?” 

- and you sigh and smile and kiss him a bit before pulling away again. man, you’re tired. you’re so, so tired. 

- “yeah.. i know,” 

- he helps you get undressed and freshened up, even rubs your facewash into your skin and rubs all your skincare in before hauling you off the bed. he turns the lights dim and just holds you, rubbing circles into your back as he holds you right to his chest. 

- “go to fucking sleep,” “love you katsuki” “..love you too” 

- he doesn’t sleep until you do, and wakes up the next morning to call in sick for you while you sleep against his chest. he should probably wake up but.. sleeping a bit longer won’t kill him. 

{♡} —— { ♡ } —— {♡}

ii. kirishima eijirou 

- kirishima likes to wake up pretty early so he can workout and do his cardio at the start of his day and his weightlifting later on. sleeping well is important to him cause his workout routine is super unforgiving if he’s not resting properly on rest days and the like. building muscles absolutely requires sleep! 

- that being said - he doesn’t mind not sleeping early if he has something to do. drinking especially normally keeps him up on weekends. overall, it was good but he doesn’t limit himself. 

- overall, it’s not something he paid a ton of attention too. life is all about balance so kiri goes with the flow. his rule of thumb is trying to get at least 8 hours a night tho. 

- but because kirishima is so go with the flow - it took him a long time to figure out that you were a night owl and something of an insomniac. he assumed that when he wished you goodnight everday, you fell asleep around the same time as him. 

- but one drunken even, he finds himself stumbling to your apartment. knocking on your and barely standing upright - he immediately is planning on apologizing for disturbing your sleep. 

- but then you.. open the door and you’re literally wide awake. you look tired but you’re clearly not sleepy. kirishima, once gain, blasted - pushes the thoughts to the back of his mind and grins toothily. he’s just excited to see you at that point and forgets about the whole ordeal until a few weeks later. 

- he ends up texting you about it a couple weeks later, assuming it’d be a once off thing that you’d explain to him. 

- ... is upset and shocked to learn that you rarely, if ever fall asleep before two am like on a good day. poor man is in shock for the rest of the day and proceeds to ask you about why you have a hard time to sleeping to try and see what he can do. 

- he wants to help but you just keep brushing it off and it honestly made him so upset he didn’t know what to do with himself. he couldn’t sleep a wink that night because the whole thing is bothering him so damn much. 

- what really sets him off is when he finally has a chance to see you after a few weeks. you were busy with uni and didn’t really have a ton of time to see him so the two of you couldn’t see each other properly for a few weeks. 

- he’s elated to see you. he’s missed his baby so much and he’s pulling all the stops out when he’s getting dressed. jeans cuffed, his best cologne, fresh shaved, brand new sneakers. he really wants to impress. 

- he’s wrapping you up into the tightest hug when he see’s you. your dressed comfortably but he still thinks you look so beautiful and he’s complimenting you, giving you kisses and overall just doting on you. he wraps your hand in his yours and just talks. 

- in fact, he’s so excited to see you, he doesn’t notice how..deflated you are. not at first anyways. 

- but as the date goes on, it becomes more and more obvious you don’t share his enthusiasm in the same way. 

- sure, he’s talkative but you haven’t said a word about how your week has been. all of his jokes have been met with mere huffs and forced chuckles and your eyes seem really distant. 

- it hits him all at once at the end of your date when you just seem so... out of it. he’s about to take you somewhere else but you stopped listening a while ago. kirishima stops dead in his tracks and holds your hand nervously, calling you a few times to get your attention. 

- “Y/N.. are you mad at me? is something wrong?” 

- your eyes go wide, flailing your hands to reassure him. you knew you were acting strange but to see kirishima this upset makes you feel awful. 

- “oh kiri - god no, it’s not you. sorry for being so.. distant - it’s not you,” 

- “well then.. what’s wrong?” 

- kirishima feels his heart get pierced when he sees you laugh. you look... so exhausted. your eyes are so heavy and the makeup on your skin is only barely concealing your dark circles. why did it take him so long to notice? 

- before he can even reply, he remembers that little tidbit about your sleep schedule. his heart so genuinely aches. 

- “Y/N.. when was the last time you got any proper sleep?” 

- you flinch, visibly at the question. with an awkward laugh you inform him that it had been at least a week since you’ve had the time to actually sleep. 

- “why didn’t you sleep today? on your day off?” 

- “i uhm.. wanted to see you. i know you had a date planned and i was excited to see you. sorry for.. ruining your plans” 

- he’s devastated by how cute you are. hugs you so damn tight. 

- “baby, you can see me whenever. im happy being with you even if all we’re doing is napping together” 

- when you mumble a soft “oh” in his chest, he can’t help but melt into a sigh. before you can protest, he’s dragging you back to his car and driving you home ignores your protests and buckles you, covering you with his jacket before kissing the crown of your head and telling you to sleep on the way back to his place. 

- he watches you like a hawk the whole time until he arrives at his place. he wakes you up and carries you on his back until he gets inside. all he does is kick his shoes off before pulling the full weight of you down on his body, kissing your whole face. 

- “sleep well baby. ill wake you up in a few” 

»» — {♡} —— { ♡ } —— {♡} — ««

#bakugou x reader #kirishima x reader #bnha x reader #bakugou imagines #kirishima imagines #bnha imagines #writing tag #bakugo x reader #bakugou x you #bakugou x y/n #kirishima x you #kirishima x y/n #bnha x you #bnha x y/n #this is SO self indulgent im embarassed #bye i rlly wrote this in an hour

[jessikahathaway]

Baby Talk - Part II

Pairing: Jikook X Reader (Jimin X Reader X Jungkook)

Genre: Surrogacy!AU, Polyamorous!AU, Romance. (Future Smut)

Warnings: Profanity, medical procedures, pining (Like a stupid amount but what can ya do), Joon and Jin get protective, mentions of pregnancy symptoms. (If I forgot anything please let me know!)

Words: 10.5k (I guess I'm committing to long chapters lol)

You’d hit the four week mark, and not much had happened yet.

Despite you feeling like your hormones were on a swing.

Jimin was bewildered when he came into the bathroom to find you crying on the floor. Trying to comfort you went downhill quickly because soon you were mad that he was joking around. Then you were crying again, apologizing for being so harsh.

Up and down and up and down.

But they never got mad at you. Never yelled at you and never ignored you. But you forced your emotions down deep into your heart. A place that would be locked and the key thrown away. Because you knew what was happening, and it simply couldn’t happen.

It was late and you could feel your stomach begging for something to eat. You’d gotten really hungry lately, no doubt your body trying to accommodate for the new life you were growing inside of you.

So, you hurried to the kitchen under the guise of night and made some rice and a little bit of stir fry. You put together everything, making sure not to make too much, and started cooking.

It was around three in the morning when you sat down at the table and ate your food, looking through your phone with a bored expression. Nothing interesting on social media and YouTube videos were only entertaining for so long. So, you ate your food and cleaned up before starting to head back towards your room.

Then, a large flash went off in the sky, causing you to jolt and look out into the city. Rain was pelting against the window, sounding sharp to your ears. It was a little intimidating.

Then the loud crash of thunder rang through the house.

You yelped at the noise, covering your ears in fear. You’d never particularly liked thunderstorms, but this one was coming in hot and aggressive. You pulled your hands away from your ears, just trying to focus on getting back to your room when another flash lit up the room. Your heart was hammering in your chest and you started to sweat.

Before you could think too much about it you were knocking on Jungkook and Jimin’s door. Another crash of thunder roared through the house and you swear you felt the floor shake. You whimpered in fear and fidgeted with the hem of your shirt. Did they hear you? Or was the storm too loud? Should you go in? What if they weren’t decent?

Jimin had said you could go in if something was wrong...

But did being scared of a thunderstorm count?

FLASH.

BANG.

You couldn’t take it anymore and you burst through the door with tears in your eyes. Fear causing you to shake violently.

Jimin and Jungkook both bolted up in bed at the sound of the door slamming open, and were out of bed instantly at the sight of you shaking on the floor.

“Y/N? What’s going on? Are you alright? Are you hurt?” Jungkook’s worried voice echoed in your ear.

“She’s trembling,” Jimin said, rubbing your back.

“I-I I’m sc-”

FLASH.

BANG.

You cried and flung your arms around Jungkook’s neck, burying your face in his chest, tears streaming down your face as you shook violently. Jungkook looked at Jimin in shock and a little bit of his own fear, but Jimin just took his hand and placed it on your head.

‘Comfort her,’ Jimin mouthed.

Jungkook nodded before rubbing your hip soothingly.

“What’s wrong Y/N? Is it the storm?” He asked, bringing his other hand to your shoulder.

“Y-Yes,” you whimpered, keeping your face buried in Jungkook’s neck.

“It’s alright, Jimin and I got you. You’ll be safe,” Jungkook promised.

Jimin rubbed soothing circles onto your back as the two of them tried to ease your frantic heart. Both of them knowing it can’t be good for the baby. But, also, on you. The stress of carrying a baby was already a lot, the fear of this thunderstorm wasn’t a good addition.

Soon, you had cried yourself to sleep.

Jimin took you in his arms, picking you up and Jungkook followed after him as they headed for your room.

The couple laid you down in bed, brushing your face tenderly. Jungkook watched as Jimin covered you up, bringing the sheets right up under your chin. He smiled at the soft pout on your lips, he wondered if the baby would have your cute pout.

Jimin, moved your hair away from your eyes, tucking it behind your ear gently. When he was certain you were settled he took Jungkook’s hand and headed back to their bedroom.

“God, that scared the fuck out of me,” Jungkook said, sitting down on the side of the bed.

“Me too,” Jimin agreed, rubbing his face in exhaustion.

“Didn’t know she was that scared of storms, makes me want to beat up the sky for scaring her like that,” Jungkook said, frowning.

Jimin laughed lightly, but kissed his boyfriend lovingly. “I know you would if you could, or at the very least, sue it,” he snorted.

“Ooh, yeah, that could work,” Jungkook said.

“I’d never seen her like that, so vulnerable. She always puts up such a tough exterior,” Jimin said, biting his lip.

“Yeah, maybe it shows that she’s starting to trust us. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to live with two people who are kinda strangers to her,” Jungkook said, feeling awkward.

“Well, maybe we can fix that,” Jimin reasoned.

“What do you have in mind my stunningly attractive boyfriend?” Jungkook asked, leaning forward.

“Mmm, let’s take her shopping. Spoil her a bit, you’ve got more zeros in your bank account than I can count on all of my fingers. She’s gonna need maternity clothes anyways. Imagine her all dressed in Gucci and Prada while walking around pregnant with our baby,” Jimin said, appearing to be day dreaming himself.

“That would be... nice... To spoil her, show her we care about her well being and everything,” Jungkook nodded in agreement.

“Let’s do it,” Jimin said, gripping Jungkook’s hands.

“Okay, yeah!”

Unfortunately for the couple, you appeared to be hating every second of this shopping excursion.

“Y/N! Come on,” Jungkook said, walking with Jimin’s hand interlocked with his.

“Coming, coming,” you sighed, following after them.

“Y/N? Are you alright? Do you need a break?” Jimin asked, stopping to take a look at you.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just, sleepy,” you grumbled.

The boys had effectively cut off your caffeine intake as of late, and it was showing. You were more exhausted than ever, just wanting to sleep the day away, but the two men wanting to hear nothing of it today. Normally they would’ve just let you sleep, but, today was a different story.

Jimin bit his lip and looked at Jungkook with concern.

You didn’t seem to be having fun at all.

What was the point in spoiling you if you were just gonna wind up pissed off at the end of it? But maybe you just hadn’t found something you wanted yet. Jimin didn’t want to lose faith so early on, but you really were in a grumpy mood today.

Jungkook pointed out several different kinds of stores, suggesting different ones and you merely told them that whatever they wanted was fine. Feeling defeated already, Jimin told Jungkook to pick a store and maybe you’d find something you wanted in there.

Soon, you were in some high end designer store, looking around with a bored expression on your face. Most girls loved when you spoiled them, wanting nothing more than to have free reign with a credit card and a whole shopping mall. But you looked so fragile and out of place in this big store.

Jungkook looked around and found some things he wanted, Jimin too, but you were still sitting on the bench, head in your hand and looking tired.

The couple looked at each other, wondering what in the world they could do to make you smile. All they wanted to do was spoil you, make you feel better...

“Are you two with the young lady over there,” the store attendant asked, pointing at you with genuine curiosity.

“Ah, yes, she’s with us,” Jimin confirmed.

“I take it she’s not really into the whole shopping experience,” the attendant said, and the couple nodded sadly.

“We just wanted to spoil her, take her out and get her stuff she wanted. But it looks like she’d rather die than be here right now,” Jungkook said, frowning.

“Well, what are some things that she likes?” The shop attendant asked.

“Books,” both of them said quickly.

The attendant laughed at them softly, nodding.

“My wife is a fan of books too, sometimes I wonder if she likes them more than me. But, you said you want to spoil her right? Tell her that, explain what you’re doing, sometimes that helps,” he offered.

Jimin nodded, looking over at your sleepy figure in the corner of the store.

“It’s worth a shot,” he said.

The pair thanked the shop attendant for his time and headed towards you.

You looked up and tried to give the couple a smile, but it looked awkward and forced, making them frown even more. Jungkook sat down next to you, and Jimin kneeled in front of you.

“Y/N, do you know why we forced you out of your blankety cocoon today?” Jimin asked, looking at you with curiosity.

“You said you wanted to take me shopping,” you said, gazing back at him.

“Exactly, we wanted to take you shopping. Not just shop for ourselves and drag you around. We want to spoil you, give you whatever you want. All you have to do is ask and you can have it, Y/N, money isn’t an issue here,” Jimin said.

Biting your lip you felt yourself get uncomfortable. “I-I don’t really like being spoiled, you know? I um... It makes me feel weird,” you said, rubbing your neck.

“The last thing we wanted to do was make you upset,” Jungkook said, biting his lip.

“No I’m not upset I just feel awkward,” you explained.

“Oh, there’s no need to feel awkward Y/N, it’s just us,” Jimin reassured.

“People keep staring at us, like I’m some lame friend third wheeling on a date,” you sighed, rubbing your face.

Jimin and Jungkook both swallowed hard.

They hadn’t realized people were staring. But it would make sense, Jimin and Jungkook were known in the city and suddenly a girl is walking around with them? That did seem a bit odd. They were also regulars in this mall and no doubt the staff were looking too.

God, they had messed this whole day up.

“Oh Y/N, we’re sorry,” Jungkook said, pressing his hands to his face.

“Sorry? Sorry for what?” You asked, turning to look at him with confusion.

“Not including you,” Jimin explained.

“There’s no need to include me-” you started when Jungkook cut you off quickly.

“Yes there is, you’re carrying our baby, we want you to feel comfortable and safe. Not ignored and shut out, that’s not fair to you,” he said, brushing his hair away from his face.

“Yeah, we want you to have whatever you want. As long as it isn’t unhealthy for you or the baby,” Jimin said.

“This isn’t about flexing or whatever on other people, this is about you. And what you want,” Jungkook said.

“Well,” you said, worrying your lip with your teeth.

“Yes?” Jimin said, leaning forward.

“It’s, well, I guess some new clothes wouldn’t be bad. I’ll need maternity stuff,” you told them.

“Yes! Absolutely! We can do that!” Jimin said, standing up and pulling you with him.

However, it was a little too fast for you, causing your head to spin. Jungkook was steadying you with his warm palms on your waist, Jimin keeping you upright with his hands around your wrists.

“Sorry Y/N! I-I wasn’t thinking and I got so excited, sorry,” Jimin frowned at himself.

“It’s alright,” you said, not wanting him to be upset over something that didn’t really matter.

“I need to be more gentle with you, you’re carrying our baby for Christ sakes,” Jimin huffed.

You nodded, noticing the stern look on Jimin’s face. Licking your dry lips, you looked down at your feet. You were only a month along so you couldn’t really see anything yet. But knowing there was a life inside of you made you feel a little flutter in your chest every time you thought about it.

However, you needed to get that under control.

This wasn’t your baby.

And that’s just how it was going to be.

Jimin and Jungkook had managed to drag you into a designer store for mothers apparently, because everything in here looked like it was worth a fortune. How were you supposed to pick something and wear it when you were afraid it was gonna get dirty? For fucksake you were almost certain they would be ruined by the end of this pregnancy.

“Ooh! Y/N, pink is your color,” Jimin smiled, holding up a rose colored blouse at you.

Looking down you saw small daisies printed on the shirt as well. It was cute, you had to give him that. You agreed to try it on, but only if he promised not to show you the price tag. Jimin nodded quickly.

Jungkook came around the corner, carrying a couple different articles of clothing. Mainly dresses, as they would be a comfortable and easy choice. But there were some skirts and blouses in his arms too. After finding the ones you liked the three of you were sent to the dressing rooms.

Jimin and Jungkook waited outside on the bench, demanding a fashion show from you. You rolled your eyes, but didn’t say no before you headed in and tried on a couple of outfits.

You walked out and did a little spin every time, Jungkook and Jimin giving their opinions. Which were always small claps with whistles accompanying them.

Then you walked out in a shorter green sundress that you had managed to grab on the shelf without looking at the tag, thank God. It was green with splashes of turquoise and white that made your eyes pop beautifully. There was a cutout at the top that showed a little bit of cleavage but it wasn’t an insane amount. Nothing you thought anything of anyways.

It came to your knees, and it was generous with the room in it. No doubt when you were showing it would come up to your mid thigh. Fluffing your hair you walked out and smiled at the boys. Jungkook’s eyes trailed down your body. This was the first non maxi dress you’d tried on, even the skirts had been considerably modest. So, they were getting the first glimpse at your skin.

Jimin was stunned.

You were absolutely gorgeous. A vision.

Legs looking gorgeous and long, skirt fluttering around your knees but Jimin couldn’t help imagine you when you were showing a little more. Would it ride up higher? Clearing his throat he smiles at you.

“It looks really good, Y/N, I didn’t pick this one. Did you Kook?” Jimin said, turning to his boyfriend, who seemed to still be in a stupor.

“Jungkook?” You said, looking at the doe eyed man with a little bit of worry pinching your features.

“Yes? No, it-you look amazing Y/N, did you pick this out?” He asked you.

“I did, yeah,” you answered.

“Little sneak, do you really want to stop our hearts?” Jimin teased.

Blushing you brushed your hair behind your ear and stared at your shoes. Jungkook looked at you with so much longing it made Jimin’s heart stammer. Not out of jealousy, but something else. Jimin shook the thought from his head.

Soon you were all settled back in the car, several shopping bags in the back. Jimin and Jungkook had requested a driver today, wanting to just enjoy the experience. So, the driver dutifully drove while the three of you sat in the back.

You looked out the window and watched scenery pass you by. Jimin and Jungkook looked at you, each with a similar look on their face and similar feelings in their chest. But neither of them were brave enough to admit it to themselves. Not when they almost had everything they’ve ever wanted, or what they thought they wanted...

Getting out of the car, Jimin asked the driver to have the bags delivered up to their apartment. The driver nodded before disappearing.

The three of you made your way up to the apartment, but not before Jimin and Jungkook spilled that they had a surprise for you. Looking at them with a menacing glare, Jungkook broke first as you three made it into the entryway of the apartment.

“It’s nothing crazy, just... We didn’t want you feeling like the third wheel or, you know, not a part of this. You are just as important to us as the baby you are carrying, and while you’re with us we want you happy and... so we got you this,” Jungkook said, holding out the signature blue box that made your stomach churn with how much it must’ve cost.

“Please, don’t ask how much it cost. It doesn’t matter as long as it makes you happy,” Jimin whispered.

Slowly, you opened the box and a beautiful moon pendant sparkling in diamonds and white gold stared at you. You damn near dropped the thing because of how gorgeous it was. Jungkook and Jimin froze on the spot when they saw tears starting to fall down your face.

“Do you not like it?” Jimin asked.

“Is it too much? Did we go overboard?” Jungkook worried.

“N-No, it’s beautiful,” you said, touching the pendant with a delicate finger.

“Do you want to put it on?” Jungkook asked, hoping to God that you didn’t throw this pendant back in their faces.

“Yes, please,” you said, handing Jungkook the back and brushing your hair out of the way so he had access.

Slowly, you watched as the beautiful moon swung just above your cleavage, kissing your chest lightly. It was fastened behind your neck and you turned around, looking at the two men with a bright smile on your face.

Then, they held up their wrists.

A sun and a star.

You looked and saw it was all a matching set.

“You guys, you really,” you said, smiling softly.

“Honestly, Y/N, you’re our equal in this. You aren’t just a womb we’re renting,” Jimin said. “You’re a person, with wants and feelings and we want you to feel that. More than anything, we want you happy and safe.”

“We’re so thrilled you chose us, seriously. If there’s anything you want, anything you need, name it, we’ll get it for you. Scouts honor,” Jungkook said, holding up his hand.

Feeling an overwhelming sense of emotion, more tears ran down your cheeks, making you sniffle and wipe at them with irritation. You didn’t want to cry right now, you were happy! Now, you just looked like a snotty red mess.

“Aw, don’t cry Y/N!” Jungkook said, coming forward to wipe your tears.

“God you guys are such turds, making me cry all the time,” you sniffled.

“It’s not our fault!” Jimin said.

“It is very much your fault,” you said, holding your stomach gently.

A rush of air left the two of them at you doing something so maternal. It made Jungkook’s blood burst into flames, and Jimin had to swallow a moan at the knowledge of you being pregnant with his baby. You cocked your head to the side and looked at the two silent men.

“Okay, well... Thanks for today you two... I’m glad I got to be spoiled a little bit. I’m gonna go take a shower, are we ordering out for dinner tonight?” You asked. They were still silent and you wondered what the fuck broke them when Jimin blinked rapidly a few times before clearing his throat.

“Y-You’re welcome, if you want to go again just tell us and we can,” he said, fighting to keep his calm exterior.

“Okay, I’m gonna go take a shower then,” you said again, taking off towards the stairs.

Jungkook damn near collapsed on the floor when you were finally gone.

“Jesus,” he said, panting hard.

“Do you, do you feel it too?” Jimin asked, gazing at the area where you had been standing.

“Yeah,” Jungkook croaked.

“Fuck what’s wrong with us? She’s here for us to care for her, to nurture her, not use her like some object,” Jimin said, running his hands through his hair in frustration.

Jungkook rubbed his shoulders, trying to soothe his boyfriend’s frantic thoughts. He agreed. You weren’t someone for them to use and abuse... You were the mother of their child and you deserved to be respected. But God if the thought of you didn’t send their minds spiraling.

“I know... We just gotta tough it out I guess. What else can we do?” Jungkook reasoned.

“I don’t know Kook, I don’t know,” Jimin said, gripping his boyfriend’s hand tightly.

—

The six week mark came and so did the morning sickness. To start, it was just waves of nausea, but soon it turned into full blown vomiting.

It was around seven in the morning and you had barely slept a wink. You felt jittery and restless, unable to relax. But when you sat up to head to the kitchen for something to eat, your stomach flipped. Soon, you were in the bathroom getting sick in the toilet.

Shortly you heard a knocking at the door.

“Y/N? Sweetie are you alright?” Jimin’s worried voice echoed through the door.

“Yeah,” you wheezed, trying to keep yourself from hurling again.

“Can I come in?” His light tone echoed through the room.

“Yeah,” you said, feeling another rush of nausea washing over you as he comes in. You looked and saw his worried face come into focus.

“Oh sweetheart,” Jimin said, rubbing your back as you got sick once more.

“Jimin? Y/N?” Jungkook’s voice echoed in the apartment.

“We’re in the bathroom Kook!” Jimin yelled.

Shortly Jungkook’s footsteps came into the bathroom. He was frowning, knowing you must be uncomfortable and there wasn’t much he could do for you. Watching Jimin rub your back gave him a sense of comfort however.

You were struggling with your chest being tender also. Every time you moved against the toilet you felt a jolt of pain go down your spine. Wincing when you came back up, Jimin had gotten you a little cup of water. You swished the cool liquid around before spitting it out and standing up slowly, per Jimin’s instructions.

You brushed your teeth and told the boys you were alright. They left and you did the rest of your morning routine. Jimin came back into your room and asked if you were ready for breakfast. You nodded and let Jimin lead you to the kitchen table. Jimin, taking note of your poor start to the day, asked if you wanted anything in particular for breakfast. Thinking back you really enjoyed the Nutella and banana toast he made for you a while back.

He nodded and started the toaster quickly. Jungkook had been working overtime recently and had to leave shortly after your bathroom incident. Soon, two pieces of Nutella toast with bananas were placed in front of you.

But the second the smell of banana hit your nose, you were scrunching up your face in disgust. Jimin looked at you with confusion. Then it dawned on him: food sensitivity.

Quickly removing the plate he asked if anything else sounded good, and you came up with the weird combination that was scrambled eggs with cream cheese.

Jimin looked on with a light smile on his face as you scarfed down the eggs and cream cheese without a single nose scrunch. It always made him happy to see you eating. Keeping up your health for the sake of the baby and you made him happy.

Soon, you were done and Jimin had gone into the living room to watch some TV when you noticed him sitting there. Lounging on the couch was a normal thing, but, looking at him now you-you couldn’t put your finger on it. He just looked so good, sitting there. He’d recently redid his hair so it was a beautiful blond color. His eyes wandered from the television to you, standing there in your loose t-shirt and pajama shorts.

He licked his lips for a moment, but that was all it took for you.

The flash of his tongue made you slightly weak in the knees, causing you to grip the edge of the table for support. Jimin seemed to mistake this for a more serious problem as he was up in a matter of seconds to come to your side.

“Y/N? What’s the matter?” He asked, looking at you with concern.

“I-I’m good,” you said, giving him a thumbs up. “I think I just ate too fast.”

Jimin mulled this over in his head for a moment before nodding and stepping back.

“As long as you’re okay,” he said, heading back towards the couch.

But your symptoms weren’t just limited to food sensitivity, morning sickness and random bouts of arousal, oh no... The best one was the nightmares that had taken over your sleep schedule.

Normally they were just vague things that you forgot about when you woke up. But they were becoming more vivid. More, unsettling.

You were dreaming being in pools of blood, sometimes it was yours, sometimes it belonged to the boys. Sometimes you didn’t know where it came from, but it was always there. Never to be washed away, only to drown in...

You were caught up in the throes of a particularly bad nightmare...

You’d miscarried and lost the baby, Jimin and Jungkook were heartbroken and left you bleeding out on the floor as you stared up into the ceiling, dying.

The room was tilted and everything was wobbly.

You tried to go after them, to ask for another chance. But it was too late, they were gone.

Screaming, you bolted up in your bed. Tears flowing down your cheeks at a rapid rate. Your heart was hammering in your chest so loud you swore you could feel it in your throat.

You heard the slamming of a door and soon Jimin and Jungkook barged into your room, looking around frantically until they found you on your bed, shaking and crying into your hands.

“Y/N!” They yelled, going to your sides and trying to get you to talk to them.

“Sweetie, what happened? Why did you scream?” Jimin asked, petting your hair trying to soothe you.

“I-I had a nightmare, I-I lost the baby and, then lost you two,” you whimpered, covering your face again.

Jungkook swallowed thickly, the image of you crying being burned into his memory. He hated seeing you like this. It hurt him to see you so distraught. Jimin, too, was struggling with your emotions. He just wanted you happy and healthy, free from any worry and troubles of the real world. But of course, he couldn’t protect you from everything and everyone. No matter how much he wanted to.

“Y/N, it’s okay. We’re right here, we aren’t going anywhere,” said Jungkook. You were crying violently, looking at the bed spread with blurred vision. Jimin looked at Jungkook with worry written all over his features, your smaller frame sat shaking in the bed as the two males tried to comfort you.

Jungkook hesitantly reached out to wipe the tears from your face. You looked up at the man with puffy cheeks and swollen eyes, before glancing back down at your lap.

“You aren’t going to lose us, Y/N,” Jimin reassured.

“I’m scared,” you whispered, so broken that it had both of their eyes tearing up at the sound.

“It’s alright, we’re scared too,” Jimin said, patting your hair gently. “But we’ll get through this.”

“There was so much blood,” you whimpered, biting your lip trying to keep the sobs from coming out.

“Y/N,” Jungkook said, feeling his eyes burning with unshed tears of his own.

“I was dying and you just... left me there,” you confessed.

“We could never leave you just like that Y/N, ever,” Jimin said, sounding shocked.

“We’d never forgive ourselves if something happened to you,” Jungkook whispered.

Jimin grabbed his hand, rubbing his fingers over the knuckles. He knew seeing you like this was hard on both of them, and knowing how much you truly didn’t think they cared was also hurtful. Because all they wanted was to tell you you didn’t have to leave... But it couldn’t work like that.

Jimin’s work as a high end therapist was already wobbly because of his relationship with Jungkook. As unfortunate as it is, people didn’t want his help if he was dating a fellow man.

And Jungkook had already been shamed for his love publicly, the gossip forums on the newspaper and websites having a hay day with his image. He’d worked so hard to show he wasn’t any different than a straight man when it came to his work. But, the world is a cruel place, and social norms often reared their ugly heads with Jungkook.

They couldn’t drag you into that cesspool of nasty comments and uncomfortable encounters. It was a harsh reality, but it was the one you were all living in. And there wasn’t anything they could do about it.

Jungkook wanted to scream about how it was unfair. How you sitting here with them wasn’t wrong, as long as you all cared about one another, how could it be? But they both knew how this would end.

With you walking out of their lives and your child’s life, forever.

“I’m sorry for waking you up,” you hiccuped, swallowing down the rest of your tears.

“No, don’t be sorry,” Jimin said, rubbing your shoulder.

“If something’s wrong we want you to tell us,” Jungkook said, looking at you with misty eyes.

“I-I will,” you said, wiping your face.

“Are you going to be able to go back to sleep?” Jimin asked, looking at your state with concern.

“I should be able to,” you said, trying to convince yourself of the same thing.

“We can stay with you, until you’re asleep,” Jungkook offered before even thinking. Jimin’s head snapped to the younger male, who was already shrinking.

“W-Would you?” Your soft voice spoke up.

Jimin nodded finally, crawling into the bed with you and Jungkook following suit. They each took a hand and held it tightly. Jimin drew different shapes and patterns on your palm, making you giggle when it tickled. Jungkook interlocked your fingers together, running his thumb over your soft skin like Jimin did with him when he was nervous or scared.

Sooner, rather than later, you were passed out once more, hands clutching Jimin and Jungkook’s.

The men managed to untangle themselves from you as they went back to their room, hearts heavy. When the door shut, Jungkook burst into tears.

“Oh my sweet boy, don’t cry,” Jimin said, wiping his boyfriend’s cheeks carefully.

“Jimin,” he said, forehead resting on the older man’s shoulder.

“I know, it hurts me too,” Jimin whispered.

“I just want her to know that she’s not just a convenience, she’s so much more than that,” Jungkook whimpered.

“Yeah,” Jimin said, thinking of your body curled up on the couch with a good book and a warm drink next to you. Your smile when your favorite song comes on in the car. The way you’re already so protective over the baby.

“I don’t know if it’s because she’s carrying our baby or what, but, I want to be closer to her. I want to know everything about her... God I don’t know what to do with myself Jimin,” Jungkook complained, wiping at his tears in frustration.

“We just gotta keep it in our mind that she had a life before this, and she’ll have a life after it too. S-She’s doing this because we’re paying her Jungkook. Of course that isn’t the only reason but, it is the main one,” Jimin reminded his boyfriend, and himself.

Even though the words felt hollow in the air.

“I guess,” Jungkook said.

“You’ve got work early, we need to go back to bed,” Jimin said, motioning for Jungkook to get into bed as well. The two men cuddled up to each other, each feeling like something, or someone, was missing...

--

Faster than you thought possible, the ten week mark had come.

It was time to get your first ultrasound of the pregnancy.

The boys were over the moon about the whole thing. Excitedly chatting in the car.

“I hope we can see the baby well,” Jungkook said, driving carefully through the street.

Jimin hummed in agreement. “Me too, the baby is still super small right now. About the size of a prune but, we’ll still be able to see them on the screen. And, we can hear their heartbeat!”

You smiled at their excitement. Bringing your fingers up you brushed the pendant they gave you, a nervous habit you’d picked up shortly after their gifting it to you. Jungkook looked at you in the rearview, playing with the sparkling jewelry piece. It made his chest feel tight, looking at you. Jimin placed a hand on his, making Jungkook focus on him for a moment.

Jimin shook his head and Jungkook swallowed thickly, knowing exactly what he meant.

Soon, you were all at the clinic.

Jimin helped you out of the backseat, getting your bag and whatnot so you didn’t have to fuss with it. Jungkook placed a protective hand on your lower back, guiding you into the building.

You felt your heart flutter in your chest at the action, having to cover up your blushing with a cough. Jimin urged you to sit down while he got the paperwork, something you didn’t fight him on. You were exhausted as of late.

The boys reassured you it was normal to be tired. You knew, however, that you were a little more tired than normal. Briefly you wondered if it was because it was your first time and you’d never felt something like this. However, that didn’t sit right. You knew there was something going on, but you didn’t want to worry the boys. Especially since you were getting an ultrasound today.

Sitting next to Jungkook in the waiting room, he made small talk. Asking how you were feeling and if the morning sickness had gotten any better.

“It’s gotten worse,” you complained, leaning your head back in the seat.

“Really? Maybe we can ask the doctor to prescribe something for you,” he said.

“It should be going away soon, I’ll be alright,” you reassured, patting his knee.

“Sometimes it doesn’t go away until the baby is born, I just don’t want you to suffer if we can do something about it,” Jungkook said softly.

“If it gets too bad, I’ll say something. Okay?” You said, keeping a gentle smile on your face.

“Yeah, okay,” he agreed.

Jimin came back and took Jungkook’s hand, intertwining their fingers together. Jimin had a habit of tracing the tattoos on Jungkook’s hands when he was nervous, it made you smile.

Eventually a nurse called your name and led you back to the ultrasound room. Jungkook smiled and sat down in the chair provided. Jimin helped you up onto the table and the ultrasound tech went over what they would be looking for and opened it up for questions.

When no one had any, she proceeded.

“Okay, I just need you to pull the front of your pants down a little bit,” the tech asked, prepping the machine.

You immediately turned and looked at Jungkook and Jimin, then down at your stomach. It wasn’t a big deal, it was just a little bit anyways.

Without much more thought you pulled your pants so just the top of your panties were showing. Jungkook’s eyes widened at your actions, but he tried to keep a calm exterior. Jimin kept his eyes trained on the screen, not wanting you to feel uncomfortable.

The ultrasound gel was cold, making you jump when it came in contact with your skin. But soon it was warming to your skin and you all looked at the screen with rapt attention.

“Alright so we should see the head and curvature of the body, but other than that this is just to make sure that everything is looking good in the uterus and to see if there are any abnormalities with the baby-oh! Babies it appears,” the tech said, a big smile on her face.

“What?” Jimin said.

“There’s another head there, if you look right here,” she pointed at the screen. “Looks like you’ve got a set of twins in there!”

Jungkook’s eyes teared up, looking down at your stomach with his heart in his throat.

You were stunned.

Twins?

The first try?

Wow, you really did win the lottery.

“Oh my God,” Jimin said, hiding his face in Jungkook’s shoulder.

“Way to go, got those twins first try,” you said, trying to keep your nerves under control.

“It’s all thanks to you Y/N, we couldn’t do it without you,” Jungkook reminded.

“Are you guys going to want the pictures?” The tech asked. Jimin and Jungkook of course said yes.

“Wow, look at their heads babe!” Jimin yelped as you all walked out of the clinic together. Jimin was still cooing over the pictures of the twins from the ultrasound.

“I need to put it in my wallet,” he said, bringing out the accessory shortly after.

You smiled at their excitement. You were beyond happy, you’d done it. Gave them the twins they desperately wanted. First try too. You knew that meant a few more complications, but, you didn’t want that to hold too much weight over you.

“We should call Namjoon and Jin! Tell them the news about the twins!”

You nodded quickly, wanting to tell your friends the update.

Namjoon and Jin were thrilled, obviously. Insisting that they’ll give Annie to Jin’s parents for the night so you could all get together and have a meal. Agreeing, the boys set it up for around seven thirty.

“Dress nice! I also expect to see those ultrasound pictures!” Jin said through the phone.

You snorted and shook your head, gently touching your stomach. You felt a fluttering in your chest, like you were standing on the edge of a tall building or something. It made you gasp lightly, moving your hand away from your belly to your chest. Jimin seemed to notice your movement because he was turning around in his seat.

“Everything alright there?” He asked, looking at you with his beautiful brown eyes.

“Y-yeah, I’m good. We’re-good,” you said, pointing to your tummy. Jimin’s eyes lit up at the mention of the babies.

“Okay, tell me if you need anything,” he said, turning around and facing the front once more.

You all walked back into the apartment, Jungkook still gushing about everything. You simply smiled and went to go get ready for dinner.

Jin did say to look nice, so you picked out a few things from your shopping excursion a while back. Putting on a dress that looked skin tight but it was super stretchy, so no doubt you could wear it late into the pregnancy. The zipper on the back would be an issue but, it made you feel a little sexy. You hadn’t really done a lot in regards to your appearance around the boys, you didn’t see the need.

But, it wouldn’t hurt to do your hair and dress nicely...

You had the perfect shoes to pair with the dress. You grabbed some stockings and a few other small pieces of jewelry, placing them on the bed while you assembled everything together the way you wanted it.

Eventually, you were all set.

Except for the zipper on the back.

You didn’t understand why there was a zipper on such a stretchy dress, but fashion has its ways you guess. Reaching behind you proved unsuccessful. Quickly growing frustrated, you did the following without thinking.

“Jimin? Jungkook? Can one of you come here for a second please?”

Once the words were out, you immediately wished you could eat them.

But the damage had been done.

Both men walked in your room.

Jimin’s jaw dropped open, looking at you in awe.

You were in knee high stockings, low heels and a slinky black dress that hugged your body so perfectly it made him want to drop to his knees. Jungkook fared no better. Seeing your hair styled and a little bit of makeup on your features really enhanced your natural beauty. They both were staring, making you shrink in embarrassment.

“O-Okay, you can blink any time now,” you said, chuckling to ease the tension in the room.

“You look... wow,” Jimin breathed.

“Incredible. You look incredible,” Jungkook said, eyes trailing down your legs.

“Thank you, but, um... Could one of you please come zip me up? I can’t reach the zipper,” you said, turning your back to them fully.

Jungkook stared at his boyfriend with an almost agonized look on his face. Jimin nodded and walked forward, brushing your hair out of the way. Placing a gentle hand on your hip Jimin pulled the zipper up to the top, covering each inch of your beautiful skin.

Jungkook swallowed his noise of protest, trying to remember what Jimin had said. You weren’t an object for them to use, you were their surrogate. The woman who would be birthing their twins. And then leaving...

Jimin knew if Jungkook had walked forward to zip up your dress he wouldn’t be able to keep it together. Jimin wasn’t doing that hot either to be honest. Your hips flared out. Looking so beautiful hugged in the dress, and the warmth of your skin beneath his fingertips was... alarming.

“Thank you,” you said, turning around with a smile on your face.

Jimin couldn’t help but mirror your grin.

“Absolutely, are you ready to go now?” He asked, trying to keep from getting distracted any more.

“Yeah, let’s go! I want Jin to feed me so much I burst,” you said, heading towards the door. Once you were gone, Jungkook looked at Jimin.

“This is only getting harder,” Jungkook said, biting his lip.

“Are you going to be alright?” Jimin questioned, placing his hand on Jungkook’s shoulder.

“Yeah, just... This feels wrong,” Jungkook whispered.

“What feels wrong?” Jimin asked.

“Keeping her at arm's length, I just feel awkward. Pushing her away when she’s doing something so big for us, it’s really emotionally charged and... I feel like a jerk for treating her like just another person. Like she isn’t special,” Jungkook explained, brushing his hair out of his face.

“I understand,” Jimin said, trying to smooth the frown lines from Jungkook’s face.

“Boys? Are you coming?” Your voice echoed through the house.

“Coming!” Jimin said. “We’ll talk about this later, okay? We’ll figure this out.”

—

The dinner at Jin and Namjoon’s was beyond anything you’d expected.

There was so much food and honestly, you ate a lot. Lying back in your chair, tilting your head back you sighed. Rubbing your stomach unconsciously. But the boys noticed everything. Especially how amazing you looked in that outfit.

It was just about all they could do to keep their hands off of you. Jungkook was fidgeting the whole night, being the one who sat next to you. He really tried to keep his cool, but a man could only take so much.

“So, Y/N, how does it feel to be pregnant with twins?” Namjoon asked, taking a small bite of rice.

“Honestly? It’s not been a cake walk, let me tell you. My mood swings are everywhere, my chest is killing me, food is either a hit or miss and don’t get me started on how arou-ahem,” you froze at your brazen attitude. Jimin and Jungkook’s heads snapped at your statement, looking at you with masked emotions. “Sorry, got carried away. Anyways, it’s been wild. But, I’m really glad to be doing it, you know? The boys take good care of me,” you praised, smiling at the two of them now.

Namjoon noticed it first.

The twinkle in Jungkook’s eyes at your words. How genuinely happy he seemed listening to you talk. Jimin’s body language was always engaged with you, never closing off or making it appear like he wasn’t interested.

Namjoon’s eyes widened.

This would need to be discussed...

Soon, everyone was sitting in the living room, just digesting. When you got up and said you had to use the restroom.

When the men were alone, Namjoon attacked.

“What are you guys doing?” He asked, looking at the two younger men with worry in his features.

“What do you mean?” Jimin quizzed right back.

“Listen, I’ve been friends with Y/N for a long time. I really care about her and want only the best for her. I also want you guys to be happy and healthy and have your own family, so please don’t take what I’m about to say personally but-what the fuck?” He asked.

“What do you mean what the fuck?” Jungkook asked.

“Why are you looking at her like that?” Namjoon asked, feeling his frustration rise.

“Like what?!” Jimin argued.

“Like you-Like you, are all, like... a couple?” Namjoon said, feeling the awkward tension rising in the room.

“What?” Jungkook coughed.

“We aren’t together,” Jimin said slowly.

“But do you want to be?” Namjoon asked.

Jungkook broke first.

“I don’t know,” he whispered, placing his head in his hands. Jimin was quick to comfort the younger male, rubbing his back in big, soothing circles.

“It’s a new experience for us. We just want her to be happy and healthy and safe. You know, take care of her,” Jimin explained, skirting around the question.

“Of course, but, there’s a difference between appreciation and affection,” Jin said, speaking up.

“Y-Yeah, we know that,” Jimin answered. “I’m a therapist, I know what emotions are.”

Namjoon rolled his eyes.

“If you know what emotions are then why are you denying your own?” he asked.

“I’m not!”

“Bullshit,” Namjoon challenged.

“This is fucking ridiculous,” Jimin growled.

“What’s all the angry whispering out here for?” You asked, walking back into the room. The energy snapped within an instant.

“It’s alright, just a heated debate about politics,” Namjoon joked, giving you a tender smile.

“Oookay?” You said, coming back in to sit down next to Jungkook, who was trying his best to not squirm when your thigh brushed his.

The rest of the night moved rather calmly, but not without a fierce monopoly game that almost caused a few table flips. Jungkook wound up losing and threw a mini tantrum. But it was quickly smoothed over when you promised you’d bake him some cookies the next time he had a day off.

While Namjoon and Jin were cleaning up, Jungkook and Jimin discovered your sleeping frame on the couch once more. Breaths coming in even and slow, they smiled at you. Your lips were pouting lightly, something they’d discovered was a habit when you were sleeping.

And Jungkook adored it.

He came over to your side and tried to wake you up, but when you whined and fussed he decided it would just be easier to carry you to the car. Carefully, the strong young man lifted you into his arms and towards the door. Jimin got the rest of your things all together and they thanked Jin and Namjoon for the meal and night.

But before they left, Namjoon grabbed Jimin by the shoulder. Jungkook waited, looking back in worry. Jimin waved him on, saying he’d be there in a minute. Jungkook nodded before heading out the door.

“What?” Jimin asked.

“I’m sorry about earlier, I overstepped. I didn’t mean to offend you or Jungkook. It’s just, Y/N is very inexperienced when it comes to love and emotions and having that connection. I’m worried about what’s happening to her. I don’t want her to get her hopes up and be crushed later on,” he explained.

Jimin nodded his head.

“I accept your apology. I didn’t mean to fly off the handle either, Jungkook and I have been... Discussing it. But it’s not an easy thing to come to terms with, we aren’t sure what we feel for her... We know we care about her, but is it because she’s our surrogate and we want to care for her? Or is it something deeper? We don’t know,” Jimin sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

“Y/N is so special. She gives without thinking, she is so dedicated to those she cares about... she’d give the shirt off her back to someone she didn’t even know. It’s hard not to love her, but... she doesn’t deserve to be pulled in a million different directions either. But you all deserve to be happy, I’m always here if you need to talk,” Namjoon offered.

Jimin smiled lightly. “That’s normally my line.”

“You guys are good people, I wouldn’t have recommended Y/N do this if I didn’t trust you. But, just... please don’t take advantage of her heart. And don’t lie to yourselves either.”

Jimin nodded, looking down at the floor with a resolute nod.

“Thanks, both of you,” Jimin said, giving a small wave before heading out towards the car. Jungkook already had you buckled and settled in.

“What was that about?” Jungkook asked, getting into the front seat.

“He wanted to apologize for earlier, he felt like he overstepped. And, he wanted to explain why he was so defensive over Y/N,” Jimin said.

Jungkook nodded and started the car, taking off down the road.

“Why is he so protective? Did they like, date in the past or something?” Jungkook asked. Jimin shook his head.

“N-No, Y/N hasn’t ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend,” Jimin said, resting his head in his hand.

“What? Really?” Jungkook balked. Trying to think of how someone like you hadn’t ever been snatched up before. You were a total catch! But, you did tend to keep to yourself.

“Yeah, she told me about it the day she had her IUI done,” Jimin explained.

“Oh, so-wait. She’s having a baby when she’s never, like, had sex?” Jungkook said. “Is that safe?”

“I mean I’m sure it’s safe but, she’s not... Um, she told me she’s had sex before,” Jimin said.

“Wow, how did this all come up?” Jungkook asked.

“Well, she mentioned something about wanting someone who looked at her the way we look at each other,” Jimin blushed.

“She’s so cute,” Jungkook groaned. “Well, at least she’s been with someone before. You know, had that kind of pleasure.”

Jimin coughed, rubbing his neck. Jungkook looked at him weirdly.

“What?”

“She may have off-handedly mentioned that she’s never, uh... You know, finished,” Jimin flushed. Jungkook looked floored at the information.

“You mean to tell me, that some jerk took her virginity and didn’t fucking make it special? What a fucking tool bag,” Jungkook growled.

“I don’t know the story, she didn’t divulge that kind of information. I was the one who guessed she’s never finished, and she was pretty embarrassed about it all to be honest,” Jimin said.

“That is so frustrating,” Jungkook said.

“Yeah.”

The car was quiet, save for your soft little snores coming from the back seat.

“Did you hear what she said during dinner?” Jimin asked. “When she was talking about her pregnancy symptoms.”

“Yeah...” Jungkook trailed off.

“I wish we could do something for her, I feel so bad,” Jimin whispered.

“We can be there to support her but we can’t over step either,” Jungkook said.

“I know, normally I’m the one reminding you of that,” Jimin huffed.

“I understand it’s not easy for either of us,” Jungkook said softly.

“Maybe we just need a god romp in the sheets to get it out of our system hmm?” Jimin teased, running a hand up Jungkook’s thigh. Jungkook couldn’t help the hiss that came out of his mouth at the touch. They hadn’t really been active in that way since you’d come into the house.

“Y-You know how loud I get,” Jungkook said, swallowing hard.

“Oh I’m very aware how loud I can make you scream,” Jimin winked.

“Stop, I’m already hard,” Jungkook whined.

“I bet you are baby,” Jimin said, squeezing his boyfriend’s thigh tight.

“Stop, please,” Jungkook whined.

“Mmm,” Jimin said, not sensing that Jungkook really wanted him to stop. “And what if I keep going baby? What if I snuck my hand into your pants and tugged your pathetic little cock until you came huh? Make you come all over your expensive pants and make you lick it up?”

“Jimin,” Jungkook said, cock straining against his pants.

“Yes baby? What does my baby want, huh?” Jimin asked, so sweet... Almost dangerous.

“I-I want-”

“Mmm, are we home yet?” You voice perked up from the back seat.

“Y/N?” Jimin asked, turning to look at you. Your eyes were bleary from sleep and it was obvious you must’ve just woken up. Jungkook adjusted himself in the seat, trying to hide his throbbing erection from your sight.

“Yeah?” You said, blinking slow.

“Sweetie,” Jimin cooed, brushing a few strands of your hair back from your face, even though it was an awkward angle for him.

“Jungkook are you okay?” You asked, noticing how tense the young man’s posture was.

“I-I’m good,” he said, trying to hide his arousal.

“Okay,” you said, laying your head back down.

Jungkook pulled the car into the front slot of the building, handing the keys over to the valet. The two of them brought you out of the car and Jimin decided it was his turn to carry you up to the apartment. So, the three of you all made it to the apartment in silence.

You were awake, but you weren’t feeling too terribly chatty. Sleep still at the forefront of your mind. Jungkook and Jimin hadn’t spoken since you got out of the car, and you can’t help but feel like you were in the middle of something kinda intense. The charged feeling in the room making you shift against Jimin’s chest.

He looked down at you, trying to keep himself from jostling you too much. You were exhausted. But soon, you felt bile rising in your throat...

“Jimin put me down,” you said, holding your hand to the mouth. Just as he set you down you scrambled to the bathroom and threw up the massive dinner you’d eaten. Jimin and Jungkook were rushing right after you. Jungkook brought your hair away from your face. Jimin sat down next to him to rub your back.

You got to the point where you were just dry heaving into the toilet, but it didn’t seem to end.

“Oh fuck,” you croaked, coughing hard.

“You want some water?” Jimin asked.

“No, I’m scared I’ll just throw that up too,” you whined.

“It might be better than just dry heaving,” Jimin said.

“You got a point,” you huffed, trying to keep your head from spinning.

“I’ll get you some,” he said, moving off the floor to head towards the kitchen. Jungkook shuffled forward, kind of molding his front to your back. When you pushed a little too hard against him you felt it. Wondering what it could be for a moment you pushed back against him again, when he groaned in surprise.

“U-Um, Jungkook?” You squeaked.

“S-Sorry!” He said, moving away faster than the speed of light.

“I-It’s okay, just, you know,” you flushed.

“It’s not because of you! It’s not uh, I wasn’t um,” he stuttered.

“I-I didn’t think it was?” You said, more of a question.

“It’s not that you’re not pretty or anything it’s-”

“No, I get it,” you said, smiling weakly.

“Y/N-”

“Here’s your water,” Jimin said, bringing in a glass for you to drink.

You sipped it slowly. Not paying attention. Jungkook looked like he was going to die in the corner, which made Jimin shoot him a weird look. He just shook his head as he covered his face. Jimin made a mental note to question him about it later, but his concern was on you right now.

“Have you been getting sick a lot?” Jimin asked, placing a soft hand on your shoulder.

“I mean, it’s mainly in the morning. I think I just ate too much at dinner,” you said, pouting lightly.

“Gotcha, do you feel like you’re going to get sick again? Or do you think you’re done?” He asked.

“I-I think I’m good,” you said, putting the empty glass down.

“Are you sure?” Jimin asked, making you look at him.

“Mhmm,” you confirmed, eyes getting droopy again.

“Alright sleepyhead, brush your teeth and go to bed. Need help getting up?” Jimin worried, fussing over you like any father to be would.

You stood up slowly, mindful of your dizzy head. But, when you stood at the sink you felt everything kinda snap into focus. Jimin dragged Jungkook out of the bathroom to let you do your thing, but told you to come get them if you needed anything.

Hurrying into the bedroom, Jimin narrowed his eyes at his boyfriend.

“Why did you look like you’d rather crawl into an overflowing storm drain than be in that bathroom? What happened when I was getting water?”

Jungkook looked up at Jimin could see the embarrassment on his face. Sighing, Jimin sat down, placing his hand on his boyfriend’s back.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have teased you in the car. It’s just, been a while you know? I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything,” Jimin apologized.

“Y/N felt it, my... When you moved me so you could get out of the bathroom to get her the water, she was pushed up against me. And, she pushed back against me and felt my dick against her,” Jungkook said, rubbing her face.

“Oh, that is... uh, awkward,” Jimin agreed.

“It gets worse,” Jungkook said.

“What do you mean?” Jimin asked.

“I-I told her it wasn’t because of her and then I tried to tell her it’s not that she wasn’t pretty and I just threw up a bunch of words that didn’t make sense and then you were back,” Jungkook whimpered.

Jimin sighed. Jungkook had never been a genius with words, but normally he was better than that. He knows that Jungkook is mortified, Jungkook wasn’t good at mingling or recovering from blunders of the social variety. So, Jimin just sighed and gave his boyfriend a gentle kiss.

“It’s okay Jungkook, Y/N isn’t gonna hold this against you,” Jimin soothed.

“I just feel terrible,” Jungkook said softly.

“Why? It was an accident,” Jimin reasoned.

“Because I-I didn’t want her to stop,” he swallowed. Jimin bit his lip and tried to keep his anger from spilling over.

“I don’t know how many times we have to talk about this Jungkook,” Jimin said.

“We were talking about it in the car! But we’ve never talked about what we want, what we’re doing now, it's not sustainable. I’m going crazy!” Jungkook yelled.

“Jungkook keep your voice down!” Jimin reminded.

“Jimin I’m so fucking confused, I don’t know what we’re doing. What I’m doing. I-I do know one thing for certain. I love those kids, so much, and they aren’t even here yet. I love them so much, because they’re ours... But... I can’t keep doing this. Getting closer only to rip myself away, it’s killing me Jimin. If you want me to walk away, I will but, I just can’t keep giving myself hope when there isn’t any,” Jungkook cried, tears falling down his cheeks.

“I-I didn’t know you were so broken up over this,” Jimin whispered.

“I’m so confused,” Jungkook whispered.

“I am too, I love you so much but... I feel this connection to her. I know it’s normal to be grateful, but, I know it’s more than that with her,” Jimin said, moving to give Jungkook a back hug.

“Then we need to make a decision,” Jungkook said.

“You want to pursue her as a part of our couple? Like, make her our girlfriend?” Jimin asked.

“Do you?” Jungkook asked back.

“I mean... I wouldn’t be opposed,” Jimin said softly.

“I don’t want this if you don’t,” Jungkook said, turning to look at Jimin with sparkling eyes.

“I want this... I want her, but, we need to give her some time, as well as ourselves to come to terms with this,” Jimin reasoned.

“Okay,” Jungkook agreed.

“But, when we’re both ready, we can approach her,” Jimin said.

“Would this be healthy to do? I mean, mentally,” Jungkook asked.

“Polygamous couples generally tend to have better communication than the average two person couples. And with one of us being a therapist I think we could manage. I-I want to work towards that,” Jimin confessed.

“I want this too,” Jungkook said excitedly.

“Then that’s what we’ll do...”

You laid in bed late into the night. You heard Jungkook and Jimin having a disagreement. You couldn’t make out the words but, the walls were thin... You prayed to God that it wasn’t about you, or anything related to the children.

Slowly, your hand trailed down to your stomach. You didn’t think you could see a bump yet, but maybe a little something? You weren’t sure, maybe it was just wishful thinking.

You moved slightly, and you felt something in your underwear. Adjusting lightly, you pulled them down to look, and you saw a decent amount of arousal soaking into the cotton fabric. Blushing bright red you reached down to touch your hot center, to find that you were, in fact, dripping wet.

Biting your lip you thought back on the bathroom incident. Jungkook’s firm body pressed against yours, his hardened cock pressed against your ass, the hot groan he let out. Running your fingers over your slit, you gathered your slick and pushed against your clit gently.

Shockwaves of pleasure ripped through you at the sensation.

“Oh!” You gasped, hand coming up to cover your mouth in fear of waking the boys.

You did it again, causing your body to jump slightly, making more of your arousal drip from your center. Licking your lips you thought about what Jungkook’s hands would feel like instead of yours. What his body would feel like pressed up against yours naked... Jimin’s plump lips flashed through your mind for a second, making you wonder what his blond head would look like between-

No!

No no no no no!

Ripping your hand away from your weeping core you turned over and placed your hands on your head.

How could you? Those two weren’t something to fuel your lonely fantasies! They are in love with each other, and are going to have a family... Albeit you had to help with that part but, still. Jimin and Jungkook weren’t yours... They were each other’s...

But as much as you tried to tell yourself that it would never happen...

You couldn’t help but dream of the two men’s hands running over your body...

Hot breaths touching your ears...

Taglist: @kittkat44, @giadalin, @kookachuwu

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#BTS #ficswithluv #ksmutclub #Jikook #Jikook X reader #Jungkook X Jimin X Reader #Surrogacy!AU fic #Baby talk #Jikook Baby talk #BTS smut #BTS Fanfic #BTS author #BTS fanfiction #BTS smut fanfiction #Eventual Smut #It's a slow burn okay? #Jungkook X Reader #Jimin X Reader #Fluff #Pregnancy!AU

[the-cult-of-russo]

I Miss You

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader 

Request: idk if you’re taking request but i have a Billy x reader imagine where the reader is being super clingy and Billy tells one of his friends.The reader eavesdrop on that conversation and decides to distant herself from Billy.

A/N: I wasn't really sure what resolution you wanted for this one so this was what I came up with. I could have gone really angsty about it but I don't know, I liked this one.

Warnings: cursing, angst, fluff. 

----------

"Yeah, man… I don't know. It's just a bit much… I mean, she's always here or on the phone with me… I dunno… she's just… clingy, I guess."

You knew you shouldn't really be eavesdropping but you hadn't intended on it. Both you and Billy had been tangled naked in his bed after some good sex when his phone started to ring. He'd slipped into the living area to answer it. You'd only gotten up because your bladder was shouting at you but as you'd slipped on his shirt and gone to the bedroom door, you'd caught the end of the conversation. 

It honestly felt like a smack in the face. You were pissed and hurt that instead of talking to you about it like an adult, he instead opted to bitch about you to a friend, no doubt Frank. You weren't in a relationship, it was just casual sex and it had been for a good few months now. You weren't expecting anything else from him. And sure, sometimes you'd find yourself at his place a few nights in a row after work and sure you'd send him texts during the day or call. But never once had he acted like it was an issue. In fact he always sounded happy to pick up the phone and sometimes he was the one insisting you stay the night. 

It wasn't like you wanted a relationship with him. You went into this knowing what it was. You didn't love him. You liked him, both looks and personality, but you didn't love him. It could be easy to fall in love with a man like him but you hadn't let yourself. But things had just been natural with the pair of you. Easy. A casual intimacy neither of you expected but didn't seem to mind. Except he clearly did mind it. 

You weren't even that upset that he felt that way. He was entitled to his opinions and feelings and you wouldn't take that away from him. The last thing you wanted was for him to be uncomfortable or feel smothered. What bothered you was how he never once made it known and was going behind your back saying things like that. It made you feel small. It made you feel stupid like some young girl with an unrequited crush.

You rushed to get dressed and decided you'd leave, bladder forgotten. If he wanted distance then that's what he'd get. You weren't going to stick around to be made a fool of like this. He obviously wasn't happy with how you were so you'd remove yourself from the situation. 

Just as you were slinging on your jacket, Billy came into the room only in his boxers and quirked a brow at you.

"Goin' somewhere?" He asked, sounding vaguely amused. His laid back attitude made your eye twitch after hearing what he'd said on the phone. 

"Yeah, I'm gonna head home. I've got work early tomorrow," you said casually, closing your jacket. 

"Oh…" he murmured, brows wrinkled. Yeah, didn't expect that did you, Russo?

You gave him a bland smile, squeezing his arm before walking out. You didn't really want him to know you'd heard him and have to deal with that awkward talk but you didn't much feel like kissing his cheek goodbye like you normally did. He'd normally walk you to the door and you'd kiss his cheek, then he'd capture your lips as you traded lazy kisses at the door before you left. Well not this time. Instead you left the apartment and left a stunned Billy Russo standing in his bedroom blinking at the door. 

You threw yourself into work. It was something to help distract you from contacting Billy. You wouldn't say you were clingy but you had gotten used to talking to him daily and you wouldn't give him the satisfaction of being right. You'd give him the distance he wanted. 

You hadn't text or called him and when three days went by, he'd surprised you with a text at work. 

'Just wanted to check in and see if you're okay. Haven't heard from you in a bit.' 

Your right eye twitched again at his message. This was what he wanted so why bother reaching out? You shot him a short message back along the lines of 'I'm fine. Busy at work.' And that was that. He didn't reply and you didn't really care that much.

The fourth day since you hadn't spoken to him and he called your cell around noon when he knew you'd be on lunch. Your hand flexed with the urge to answer but you resisted. You stayed firm even after it rang a second time. But then it flashed up with a voicemail and you couldn't help being intrigued so you listened to it.

"Hey… uh… I guess you're still busy with work. I just… wanted to make sure you're okay. Hope you're not workin' yourself too hard. Just… call me back or somethin', yeah?"

You rolled your eyes and clenched your jaw. This was what he wanted yet he was contacting you. You hated that you itched to call him back but you still refused. Maybe you were stubborn or maybe you still felt slighted by his words to his friend, either way you didn't call him back. Even if you did miss him just a bit.

The fifth day came around and you were exhausted. You'd hadn't lied when you told him you'd been busy with work but you'd made more work for yourself to keep busy. Not only were you doing your own but you'd been helping others out too just to stay busy and keep your head Billy-free. You'd stayed late the night before and then came in early and you hadn't given yourself a chance to grab a coffee. 

You sat behind your desk as you read an email from a colleague as your office door knocked around noon.

"It's open," you called out as you scribbled a note in your notepad for later. You glanced up when the door opened and were stunned to see Billy standing there with a paper bag and two coffees in a cup holder.

"Hey," he smiled at you. You blinked at him for a second as he shut the door behind him. He'd never once shown up at work before.

"Hey," you replied feeling tense. He hovered for a moment, still clutching what you presumed to be food with the drinks as his dark eyes scanned your tired face.

"I just uh… I know you've been workin' hard these past few days. Wanted to bring you some lunch, make sure you're takin' care of yourself," he murmured with a frown. 

"Careful, Russo. Anyone would think you care," you scoffed with an eye roll. You hadn't really meant to say it outloud but didn't care too much that you did either. He looked taken aback for a moment before he nodded, setting the bag and cups down as he sat in the chair on the other side of your desk.

"So I did do somethin' to piss you off, then… thought I mighta done. Haven't heard from you in days. It's not like you," he said with a bitter smile. 

"Yeah, because I'm clingy, right?" You asked coldly, raising a brow. 

He looked genuinely shocked before he groaned, closing his eyes and wiping a hand over his face.

"You heard that… you… you weren't supposed to hear that," he muttered regretfully. 

"That doesn't make it much better, Billy," you squinted. He blew out a sigh and leaned his forearms on your desk as his dark gaze looked right at you. 

"I'm sorry, I-" he started, but you held your hands up to stop him and he shut his mouth abruptly.

"Look… I'm not upset you felt that way. I'm upset you didn't tell me. I didn't think I was being clingy. You never acted like it was an issue for me to be around so much or to text or call so how can I know it bothers you? I'm upset I had to find out by hearing you bitch about me behind my back to a friend like a goddamn child," you bit out, crossing your arms over your chest as you glared at him. He winced a little, drumming his long fingers on the desk before rolling his shoulders.

"It doesn't… bother me," his vague words earned him a squint from you and he sighed, sitting back up a little more.

"I freaked out… I freaked out 'cause I didn't freak out," he murmured looking confused. Your face resembled the words 'the fuck does that mean' and he rested his forearms back on the desk. He looked frustrated like he couldn't put his thoughts into words.

"This isn't how I usually do things. I'm a one and done kinda guy… unless I'm gettin' somethin' outta it like information or some shit. I don't … I don't usually go back to a girl. But you just… I had you once and I knew it wasn't enough. I wanted more. And… and I liked havin' you stay over so much and I liked your weird little texts in the day or havin' you call me to see how my day went. I didn't mind it. It didn't bother me. It wasn't too much. So me bein' me… I got in my own head and freaked out about it. I tried to convince myself it was you, that you were bein' clingy and needy, but you weren't. And… if these past five days have taught me anything it's that… I like you bein' such a big part of my life and… fuck, I missed you," he rambled, almost black eyes looking at you imploringly. 

You glanced down to the desk as you soaked in his words. You really hadn't expected any of them and you found your anger at him disappearing. When you just stared at the desk lost in your own thoughts and didn't reply, his fingers tapped on the desk again as he inhaled a shaky breath. 

"Did you miss me?" His soft and unsure voice had your eyes snapping to him. He looked so insecure you wondered for a moment who the hell he was because Billy Russo was a lot of things, but insecure was never one of them. And you knew him well enough by now to know what a big deal it was that he spoke to you about his feelings. Feelings he had that you never expected.

"Of course I missed you, asshole," you said softly. His whole face lit up, deep brown eyes shining with warmth as his lips curled into a genuine smile.

"Yeah?" He asked wryly. You rolled your eyes, playfully this time, as you leaned forward on your desk. He wasted no time in snatching one of your hands in his.

"Yeah," you said with a smile. He bit his lower lip, a somewhat bashful smile on his own face as he lifted your hand to his lips and pressed a sweet kiss to it. You almost melted.

"I don't… I don't know what this is but… I know it's different and I don't wanna push you away," he murmured softly as his thumb rubbed your palm. 

"No more bitching about me to your friends then," you smirked. He chuckled, ducking his head before landing his soft gaze on you once more.

"I mean it though, Billy. You need to talk to me next time. I don't wanna do anything to make you uncomfortable and if you don't wanna push me away… you need to learn to communicate," you said softly. He nodded, squeezing your hand. 

"I know. I'll do better, I promise," he grinned. 

The whole thing had taken a turn you hadn't expected but you were glad for it. It wasn't like you declared your undying love for one another or even decided this was an actual relationship. But it was a step. One you hadn't expected either of you to make. 

"So… you gonna let me have lunch with you? I know you're busy but… I really have missed you," how could you turn him down when he was looking at you with such soft and warm eyes? 

You smiled, grabbing the bag and making a little happy noise to see burgers from the diner you two frequented. He practically beamed, whether from you agreeing to let him have lunch with you or how happy you were by the food choice, you weren't sure. But you loved it when he smiled like that, how his eyes crinkled a little in the corner. He was breathtaking honestly and you found yourself glad he'd hunted you down at work and told you how he felt instead of pushing you away or lying to himself. If that wasn't character progression you didn't know what was  

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #the punisher #billy russo imagine