#i wrote a whole freaking essay. sorry

[mizugucci]

💭goosebumps - onf

i dont think you know what you signed up for... i could talk about goosebumps for AGES. its not their best song but its the perfect song for what we needed, when we needed it. like. okay it was THE perfect send off, it was everything we could have asked for! i wont say it was a cultural reset, because it wasnt, it was more like 'yes this is us, and we're still BEING us and we will be us once again'

the song is a banger. the music video is beautifully produced, calling back to other mv and yet keeping room open for the future. the promotion was actually pretty good too and you could TELL wm threw all their remaining money/effort into this last comeback -- because it WOULD be the last one. for two years. and if thats not enough then think about the BOOM oh my god we get from mk. gets me every mf time!!!!! its perfect for any time of the day, it's upbeat enough for a beautiful day but it also has a darker side to it making itperfect for night drives or rainy evenings. its so well done and the producers truly knew what they were doing with each members voice

goosebumps is one of my favorite songs ever if only because of the era that it produced as well, ive stayed up till 3/4am for exactly three comebacks and goosebumps was one of them. i remember we were all up really late and there were like ~12 of us all excitedly waiting together for it to drop, and i rmbr very specifically we all started posting like WTF ITS 2 MINS LATE.......... it was so funny. and all the ccs worked together to get their stuff out and we all rb each other stuff. it was a beautiful morning

then there were the performances (I LOVE the perf for goosebumps!!!! mk giving me all the energy i want in a choreo) and their concerts, which i watched with elle and haley (which again was another wonderful morning) we stayed up until 5am (my time) just obsessing over the concert, and then fuseblr broke down all together when mk enlisted first... then the rest of them... i mean it was a roller coaster of emotions, but like it was so worth it. you could tell the members were truly having fun, even while they had an expiration date...

also it gave me EVERYTHING i wanted in yuto. like that is when i became truly obsessed w him. they gave me purple hair (my fav color) they styled him in sexy leather AND THEN STYLED HIS HAIR UP... i dont think you and i were mutuals when goosebumps came out but i can tell you my fusetuals were there front and center when i went feral after seeing his forehead djfskhg and that was only in the mv! they gave me forehead!yuto TWICE after that!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CMON. LOOK AT THIS........ finally we get sexy yuto! i also have more to say but im going to end there. just KNOW goosebumps means the world to me in many ways...

in conclusion: goosebumps is onf's best era, because not only did it solidify their place in the industry with the high quality music and music video equal to beautiful beautiful -- but it showed the world (and fuses) that they weren't changing who they are, and that they'll be back. it brought everyone together, both in happiness but also in sadness. as a fuse, you automatically have a friend in onf and other fuses, and goosebumps only proved that.

im not going to apologize for how long this got because it is clear im not sane when it comes to onf or goosebumps. im not even trying to be normal anymore <3 im not putting this under a readmore either i NEED everyone to see this. also now that i wrote an entire thesis im going to rb all my goosebumps gifsets!!!!!!!!

send me some emojis!!

#i was going to apologize for this turning into a love rant about yuto #but im not really surprised this is happening #and if anyone knows me they knew this would happen LOL #also i made myself emotional writing this.......... #just mention onf and ill start crying. is that how it is now #replies #answered #i said i wasnt going to apologize but uh maybe i will #i wrote a whole freaking essay. sorry

[iamyoursonly]

3AM (29/03/2024)

wrote this at 3am because i had a dream of him and i needed some hallucinations desperately <3 sorry for not posting for so long though, i had so many tests i could barely breathe :(

Late nights but no movie night, I’m just overworking myself, as I sit at the same spot for the 27th hour.

My tired eyes drag across the computer screen, lazy fingers typing the last few words with my keyboard to complete my long due essay. Headphones listening to pop music to keep my mind awake, well the unhealthy amount of caffeine also helped with that.

I take some freshly washed grapes that I previously prepared for myself and put one in my mouth, slowly chewing and getting a taste of how sweet the grapes are. Suddenly, my mind wanders to think of how it would feel like if there was someone to feed me grapes when I’m doing work.

I slap my face and take another sip of my coffee when my mind tries to wander away and think about that ‘homeless romantic’ crap again. I could’ve been doing that if my immature self didn’t choose to become a become a doctor. I just sigh and continue the essay.

Until I couldn’t, and I passed out on the table.

“My love? Are you alright?” A man whispered into my ear, his voice was so hot and addictive though. Complaining would be the last thing I would do honestly. But I had to get up and check who it was.

I open my eyes, slowly getting used to the light at my desk again, only to find the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my whole entire life. He was gorgeous as a greek god that only Zeus had crafted himself. His features as sharp as a knife, and he looked divine.

“Am I hallucinating?” I mumbled, and as if I said it out loud, the man whispered again. “No you’re not, sweetheart.”

Well I better be in heaven for working my butt off completing that stupid essay. Seeing that I’m face to face with this beautiful man, I’m 100% sure I spawned into the correct place after I died. So this is the after life, it’s not even half bad to be honest. Like just look at him, he must be my guardian angel that is on his way to guide me to the staircase to heaven. The staircase will definitely be as gorgeous as his eyes…

“Hello? Darling? Are you still with me?” He says again, and I leaned closer to admire his features. I whisper a soft “Yes, I am.” As I focus on his ocean blue eyes, and before I knew it, I was drowning in that ocean his eyes held. His eyes was blue like a beautiful sunny day, it was that shade of blue that everyone liked, and I couldn’t help but admiring them a little bit too much too.

“Earth to y/n?” He tries yet again, but this time I could just focus on how snowy white his hair was, it was as white as the whitest paint ever made, and it looked so beautiful and silky I couldn’t even describe how much I wanted to run my fingers through his hair.

As if he could read my mind, he grabbed my face and closed the distance between the two of us, and our faces were so close I could feel his breath… He can touch me! And I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. I wasn’t. “Sir…?” I choked out, with his face so close to mine, I could barely control my pacing heartbeat, let alone my flushed expression. I could just stare into those captivating eyes of his and think about how beautiful he is… Honestly, even the most beautiful words cannot describe how spectacular he looks.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked, and with us this close, I’m definitely not okay.

“May I ask who you are and why you’re here?” I ask, trying to put up a strong face, trying not to show my weak side.

“I’m Gojo Satoru,” he replies swiftly, without hesitation, “And I may come from the future but don’t freak out please. I’ll explain.”

I just look at him, not knowing how to react as my mind had suddenly gone blank from this shocking news. “Time travelling? That’s possible?”

He chuckled as if he knew how I would react, “How old are you, darling?”

“I’m 14.” I tell him, a bit curious about what he will tell me next. “I’m 29.” He tells me, “It’s 2024 right now, right? I was 16 during that time.”

It took quite a long moment of silence for me to process this new idea of time travelling that I never thought would happen in the near future. I just look at him and his smile as he moved away from me. The amount of questions I had started flooding my mind, I had to resist the urge to ask him all at once.

“So you’re in the year 2036?” I ask him, and I got my answer in a second.

“Actually 2037, it’s March right now, right? Well, I was born in December.” He said, with a smile.

“Why are you telling me all this? What do you want from me?” I started blurting out the questions I had in my mind for a while. And he just looked at me. “I just wanted to see if you met me yet, by that I meant my 16 year old self.”

“Huh?” I started to get confused, “What do you mean by that?”

“We’re dating, darling. In the future, and we’re engaged just last month in 2027.” He smiles, looking so happy I could almost know what to anticipate for the future, “You’re definitely the best thing that happened to me, I could see why I chose you as my wife.” I sat there in shock, not knowing the right words to say, but I felt a hot rush of heat on my face, I must’ve been blushing so hard when I heard him say that we will be engaged… I mean engaged with that man? What luck did I have to be able to pull him?!

“When will we start dating, may I ask?” I manage to choke out, and he laughs, making my face blush an even redder tone. Then he puts a finger up to his lips, as if telling me that it’s a secret, “Wait and see, it won’t be fun if I just spoil all the fun.”

His watch suddenly starts beeping really loudly, as if signalling him to go back, and I was right.

“Sorry darling,” he shows me his watch, and it shows that he had a minute left, “It’s time’s up for now, but I’ll see you later.” He just gave me a big hug and then he disappeared into thin air.

I still didn’t know how to react to that chain of information, I just sat still for a long time, so long that I could feel my butt hurting because of that. The wind blowing my curtains away from the touch of the windows, and that woke me up, that cold breeze of wind at night but with just a tiny bit of warmth to bring me the comfort I needed.

As if I needed something cold to continue this thinking, I head down the convenience store, in my silly pyjamas, I needed to get my daily doze of milk at 3am for better thinking. Not thinking that anyone would be there at 3am just like me, but I caught a glance of a tall guy with some snow white hair, and in that instant, I couldn’t stop my body from running towards that isle that he was in.

The tall guy turned to look at me, as I was panting from running so fast towards him, and he stared at me up and down, “Are you okay, miss?” I look at him, and I could see the sparkly ocean blue eyes I’ve just seen a moment before, but this person looked like a mini version of him — that Gojo guy. Even their voice sounded somewhat similar…

“I am, thanks for your concern.” I tell him, and he gave a slight smile before grabbing the last bottle of milk to the counter.

“Hey!” I call out to him, and he turned back to look at me, “What is it?” he says.

“I wanted that bottle too,” I say, a blush starting to creep up on my face, I think that explains the smirk on his face, “It might be weird asking but do you mind sharing?”

He just laughed out loud, breaking the silence in the air, and I just look at him with my blush creeping up my face so much faster than before. “So?” I ask again.

“I’ll just give you the bottle.” He tells me, then he heads to the counter to pay while I can’t even move my legs from embarrassment to stop him from paying for me. I simply stood in shock and waited for his return in the same position. He came back and gave me the bottle, I held onto the bottle tight and I maintained eye contact with him before he started leaving the store with both his hands in his pockets.

“Wait!” I call out, again, and he looks at me, “Would your name be Gojo Satoru?”

He didn’t necessarily respond but he did give just that tiny nod I needed to confirm, then he mouths the words, ‘I’ll see you later.’

master list

#drabble #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #gojo satoru #gojo and you #satoru gojo #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x you #gojo x reader #jjk gojo #haha #enjoy haha

[puppy-coded]

Dinos And Dragons {G.E.}

✰ 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Use of (Y/N) to make the story flow better, Reader's spirit is stifled bc people are assholes, "freak", lots of petnames(babe, pretty girl, angel, my love), slight gross stuff(food chain stuff), slight use of big words, established relationship

✰ 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Gareth Emerson x fem!reader

✰ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.6k words

✰ 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Gareth loves his little dino girl, he truly does so he's quite angry when someone ruins her day and introduces her to her next hyperfixation.

You got ready with your favorite little dino hoodie, your bag, and a small gift for Gareth that you spent all night making for him. You were always so excited to start your day with your boyfriend. So excited that, every morning at 6:45, you sit at the window and watch for his car.

Soon enough Gareth arrived and you were out the door.

"Good morning Gareth! Thanks for taking me to school!" You said happily as you got in the car.

Gareth smiled and shook his head at your energy. "Babe. We do this every morning. And every morning it's way too early to be as excited as you are."

"And every morning I'm excited to see your face." You told him, your heart eyes glaringly obvious at this point. "Oh! I made you something last night." You said excitedly, handing him a small bottle cap pin with a dinosaur on it.

He carefully took the pin from you hand and smiled. "Aww, you shouldn't have." He told you as he struggled to pin it onto his flannel.

You took the pin from him and pinned it to the flannel for him with ease. "Yeah but I wanted to."

"You do you then pretty girl." He said as he attempted to back out. He eventually put his hand on the back of your headrest to rotate himself little and backed out easily since he could finally see.

You stared at him the whole time, admiring his focused expression and bit your lip before speaking again. "Stop, I'm gonna fall in love with you."

Gareth chuckled and turned forward to pay attention to the road again. "I don't see the problem with that?"

You quickly changed the subject and excitedly tapped your boyfriends arm. "Ooo! Ooo! Did I tell you about my essay?"

"What essay?"

"For English?" You responded questioningly, pulling your essay out of your folder.

Gareth's expression turned blank and you noticed that he gripped the wheel slightly harder. "Was that due today?"

"Yeah."

"Shit." He cursed angrily, hitting his steering wheel a little. "Anyway, continue. I interrupted and that wasn't cool."

"Anyway, I wrote my essay on the origin of dinosaurs and this has honestly got to be my best essay ever," You said excitedly. "And see? It's even all typed out and professional!"

Gareth beamed at you proudly at a red light. "Good job angel! I'm so proud of you!"

"Falling in love again." You informed him jokingly.

"Where's the problem?" He asked with the same tone.

You giggled and put your essay back in your folder. "Nowhere!"

. . .

English with Mrs. Cook wasn't always fun. Especially since she makes everyone read their essays out loud. As part of their grade. No pressure...

"Now, where's (Y/N) to present her essay to the class?" Mrs. Cook asked in her boring monotone voice while she clicked her very obnoxious red pen.

"Here!" You said excitedly, trying to get through the desks and chairs, hooking your foot on one by accident. "It's- ah- sorry! It's entitled 'The Origin of Dinsaurs' and-"

"Shocker Freak." You heard Matthew Farris mutter in the front, earning himself a few chuckles from surrounding students.

You gripped your essay and tried not to let it bother you, creasing your once crisp paper. "-And... um- I spent... way too long on it and, uh, I- I think I'll take the half-grade on this one Mrs. C. I don't want to bore anyone and... and it's, um... six pages long and kinda boring anyway." You said quietly, watching as Mrs. Cook made a mark in her grade book.

You made your way back to your seat and paid no attention to anyone after you, picking at your nails and trying not to cry.

. . .

You got to the Hellfire Club's table and huffed as you sat down. You laid your head on your arms and everyone noticed that you were acting off immediately.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Gareth asked, poking you from his seat across the table.

"What?" You asked quietly.

Gareth tilted his head to try and look at you. "You don't look like your usual self. You good?"

"Yeah I'm fine." You lied, circling your finger on the table as a means to distract yourself.

"You don't look fine," Jeff chimed in.

"Someone called me a freak earlier in class," You responded sadly.

Gareth nearly choked on his drink at your confession. "What?"

"Own it!" Eddie encouraged.

Gareth hit Eddie's arm and shook his head in disapproval. "Eddie, come on man. It upset her."

Eddie stared at Gareth for a few moments, picking his words carefully. "I am literally Eddie 'The Freak' Munson. Hear me out: If she let's one time ruin her day then she's in for a lifetime of hurt," He explained.

Gareth looked annoyed at Eddie's explanation. "Damn it! I hate when you're right."

You sat up and shrugged. "Yeah... I guess... It's just- am I lame?" You asked, rolling the sleeves of your hoodie up a little.

"What?"

"No." Eddie said plainly, popping a mini pretzel in his mouth.

"Why would you ask that?" Jeff asked.

"I don't know... It just seems that dinosaurs are kinda... childish I guess? I don't... I don't know. I'm sorry for bringing it up it just- I..." You nervously rambled, losing steam as you got closer to the end.

"Don't worry about it, you're just as cool as dinosaurs are." Jeff assured you, pulling on Gareth's flannel and pointing to the pin you made him. "See?"

You smiled a little and picked at your nails again. "Yeah, I guess."

"Also, I have a surprise for you after school," Gareth told you.

You smiled wider and sat up straighter. "Ooo! What is it?"

"It's... a surprise my love," Gareth reminded you. "I'm not ruining it."

Eddie groaned and threw his trash at Gareth. "Ew, gross. Be a couple somewhere else, you're reminding me that I'll probably die alone."

"Oh shut up." You smiled. "You won't die alone. You got us!"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence!" Eddie responded with fake enthusiasm.

. . .

After your last class of the day you quickly found Gareth and closed his locker, eliciting a high-pitched yelp from your very metal boyfriend. It was cute.

"So what is this mysterious surprise from lunch?" You asked, playing with the straps on your back pack.

Gareth nodded his head toward the school's parking lot. "It's in my car."

You tilted your head slightly and looked at him, very confused. "Where in your car? I was in the front earlier."

"Trunk babe." He said plainly, leading you to his car.

"Ohh... Makes sense," You nodded.

You grabbed his hand and leaned on him in silence as he led you to your surprise.

"Close your eyes." He told you when you two got to his car.

You closed your eyes and covered them with your hands to really make sure you didn't see. "We're going to mine after this right?"

You could hear him rummaging around slightly as he spoke. "Always. Now... open!"

You opened your eyes to see Gareth with the proudest little look on his face, a giant dragon stuffed animal, and three books.

"Books and a stuffed animal?" You asked him, taking the items. "You spoil me Gareth," You told him with a kiss to his cheek.

Gareth helped you into the passenger seat and closed the door for you. "What? I play Dungeons and Dragons not Dungeons and Dinos," He said as he got into the driver's seat.

"That would be a sick game though." You said, giggling at how squished you were in your seat due to the dragon stuffie that was probably the size of you.

"It would actually," He agreed.

. . .

You and Gareth had rushed to your room as soon as you got to your place. Gareth laid in your bed and worked on math while you snuggled up next to him to read your new book about dragons. It was quiet for about ten minutes before you found something cool.

"Gareth!" You whisper yelled. "You know where the myth of dragons comes from?"

"Where?" He asked in his normal voice, giving you his full attention.

"So basically, when England was colonizing places there were these big ass alligators in the Nile right? These big ass gators would snatch and drown food, humans included, and scared the heck outta these colonizers yeah? They went back to England and reported giant lizards with wings, because humans exaggerate, and everyone developed an irrational fear of what we now know as the mythical creatures called dragons." You paraphrased with hand gestures. "Isn't that cool?"

"It is." He smiled, going back to his math.

You smiled shyly and bit Gareth lightly. You leaned your head on his arm and acted as if nothing happened.

"Did you just bite me?" He asked, looking over at you innocently reading.

"Affectionately!" You defended. "It's called di... dimor... dimorphous expression! It basically means 'it's so cute I wanna chomp!'" You explained, not looking up from your book.

Gareth looked impressed with your knowledge. "Where'd you learn that one smarty pants?"

You put your bookmark in your book and turned over, grabbing his arm. "Mr. Maitland goes on a lot of tangents."

"Oh, I see," Gareth nodded. "You bit me because you think I'm cute?"

You shook your head and smiled cutely at him. "It was an appreciative dragon chomp."

Gareth put his homework on the floor next to your bed and kissed your forehead. "That was an appreciative Gareth kiss."

"Can I have another one?" You asked, scooting up so you were eye level with him.

"Of course pretty girl." He winked, giving you a nose kiss.

Best boyfriend ever.

#gareth emerson x you #gareth emerson #gareth emerson x y/n #gareth emerson x reader #gareth x reader #gareth emerson fluff #gareth emerson imagine #gareth emerson stranger things #gareth stranger things #stranger things x y/n #stranger things x you #stranger things x reader #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things fluff #➴➵➶➴athena writes➶➴➵➶

[crossovershipsandedits]

Characters: Tiger Lily x Lampwick

Fandoms: Peter Pan 1953 and Pinocchio 1940

Relationship: Romantic

Characters: Lampwick X Tiger Lily

Fandoms: Pinocchio | Peter Pan

Relationship: Romantic

Submitted by @casinotrio1965

OK SO

I actually did a butt load of research for this one... Maybe more than necessary lol But hey, it worked out in the end! I'll make a readmore here so you don't have to read if you don't want ajdbfodndoekfjfir

Let me explain my thought process;

I've never seen either of these films. Not 100%. Pinocchio is a big nope, never seen it. And Peter Pan was both a really long time ago and I only saw sections. SO IMAGINE MY SURPRISE WHEN SEEING LAMPWICK HOLDING A CIGAR!!

So yeah, I freaked out because TL looks freaking 9 or something and he's smoking like a businessman. I searched all over Google in the hopes of finding their ages... this is what I found.

Tiger Lily never had a set age (probably from being in literal purgatory) and Lampwick is 12?!?! I guess those were just the times...

Anyway, while looking for TL's age, I see "Fans have agreed she is an adult, as she is old enough to marry" and think AWW HELL NAWW! However

I keep looking, because that doesn't seem right. The whole point of Peter Pan is being able to tell the difference between kids and adults, so it made no sense that she looks 9 (unless this was an anime, then God knows what her age is). THIS lead me to googling what age a girl can get married in a Native American tribe, since that's clearly what she's a part of.

My answer is.. nicer than "She's an adult". The youngest a girl can marry in most Native American tribes is 15. Arrangements can be made from the age of 8, but nothing can happen until 15. With what I read of TL's plot for the film, this tracks amazingly well.

And, just to be sure, I looked up Peter's age too (since she apparently has a crush on him despite the fandom saying it's familial love -sweet home ala- anyway..). Peter Pan is 12/13, so from my guessing, TL is either his age or a year or two younger, to fit with how 'old' Disney wrote romance.

...

Dear God this is a whole ass essay, I am so sorry

But yeah, I'm glad I don't have to turn this down for p*d*philia... They do make a cute pair but hoLY was I worried :')

#crossover ship #pinocchio #peter pan #pinoter pan #tiger lily #lampwick #tigerwick #lamplily #f/m #romantic ship

[rain-lavender-rain]

Super Soldiers and Exercise Science

Warnings: None! Use of Y/N

Just a little drabble! Thank you to @playboystark for being an absolute beauty and encouraging me to write this after a conversation we had.

______________________________________________________________

Y/N trudged through the tower, practically throwing the heavy backpack to the ground by the kitchen counter to grab a snack.

"Hey doll!" Bucky greeted. "How was your exercise science exam?"

You sighed. It wasn't easy by any means, and you were just glad to have it out of the way.

"I'm not sure Buck, I probably won't know until later when my professor puts in the grades. I feel like I did alright I guess." You replied with a shrug before biting into an apple.

"I'm sure you did better than you think you did. I mean you have been studying for the exam for the past week."

"Oh! I forgot to tell you something." you said with a grin.

"What did you do this time?" Bucky asked, a little worried that you had gotten into trouble once again.

"You know how I told you I try to write a whole freaking book on those stupid essay questions? Just so he has no reason to dock points? Well, there was a question about metabolism and heat generation and all that. So I used you and Steve as an example." You smiled knowingly, taking another bite of your apple to see the reaction from Bucky.

His eyebrow raised and confusion appeared.

"I'm sorry, huh?"

"Well the question had to do with functions of the musculoskeletal system. One of the functions is heat generation due to cold stress. Makes sense right? Well, it also asked to provide an example, so I wrote that because of not only your faster metabolism, but also larger muscle mass, that you and Steve run warmer than the average person." you said, with a smirk.

Bucky looked rather bewildered, but impressed.

"What do ya know doll. Yay for super soldiers?" Bucky laughed. Only a few seconds later, after you didn't laugh along with him did he become a bit concerned. Studying your face further, he noticed the negative look on Y/N as they stared at the screen of their phone.

"I can't believe it." Y/N said, voice dejected and upset.

"What's wrong?" Bucky asked.

"He took off points on my essay question! He said, and I quote, super soldiers can't be used as a practical example because they don't exist! Can you believe that Buck?"

His eyes flashed with mischief.

"Steve?" He called.

"Yeah, Buck?" Steve called back from his room.

"Come on! We gotta go find Y/N's teacher! He said we didn't exist!"

#bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky x you #bucky barnes x reader #james bucky barnes #bucky x y/n #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader

[voiceofsword]

everyday i wake up and remember that Rinne got flustered when Shinobu genuinely told him that he was genius.... i have many crazyb scenarios floating in my head because of this info

its like. your telling me that all it takes is for rinne's unitmates to say ONE genuine compliment towards him to make him short circuit and lose the act ??? and your telling me niki has NOT taken advantage of this???? COULD YOU IMAGINE THE POWER HE WOULD HAVE IF NIKI JUST KNEW THIS INFORMATION???

i hc that rinne's unitmates (esp niki) will just randomly give him a genuine compliment just to see him flustered and be the one embarrassed for once, like some strange sort of karma or something

OK LOL THIS IS MY SECOND TIME WRITING THIS, I WROTE OUT A WHOLE ASS ESSAY AND TUMBLR DECIDED TO WIPE IT CLEAN....I WROTE LIKE 600 WORDS WITH SCREENCAPS AND EVERYTHING THE FIRST TIME and now its 1.5k words. 

ANYWAYS YES YES YES ANON.... I TOTALLY AGREE i think about this a lot.. asobi club my beloved. i also think the crazyb scenarios have SOOO much potential and i loooove thinking about stuff like this as well because its always nice to take the more outwardly confident charas down a peg. because why not. im a sucker for niki having the upper hand for once ❤️

now i will proceed to provide 500 examples and analyse them because i also think about this facet of rinne’s character a lot (the one that becomes timid when good stuff is said about him, or how he’s actually a Nice Person but covers that up as best as he can) and i would like other ppl to think about it a lot too. this is basically just a hc/small analysis dump post so sorry anon for you have opened the floodgates 

i love every aspect of rinne’s personality but this side of him, the one that grows so easily flustered around others when he’s caught off-guard, is the best imo. he doesn’t really show it around most ppl, only niki, hiiro, and kids (like shinobu!!) because those are the only ppl that bring that out, bc theyre so earnest, so genuine in their intentions, that rinne is forced to confront reality As Is instead of dance around the subject.

a lot of the cast is convinced that rinne is this unapproachable, eccentric, inconsiderate asshole (which is true, at times - he’s carefully developed this persona so if he wants people to see him that way, it’s what they see) but when they actually put away these boundaries a lot of the time ppl see that he’s just. some guy (a silly example of this is chill yellow where hokuto, tsukasa and keito try to enlist his help to help them ease into “villain” roles for their auditions, and when rinne sees their efforts he’s so bewildered by it all he puts his wild image to the side to be like what the hell? you guys are all freaks???)

gonna split this into several little sections but for example, with niki i think niki doesn’t realize he can take advantage of it because a lot of the time these advances from rinne are met with complete disbelief. granted niki doesnt really think to compliment rinne often, it’s usually the other way around. so when rinne is being completely earnest, unabashed in his devotion for niki, niki turns around and goes “what??? what?” like he cant understand that such nice words are being said to or about him. THIS IS A TOPIC FOR ANOTHER TIME THOUGH, we’re talking about rinne here…. sorry i am physically incapable of not making everything even a little bit about rinniki….

of course this grants rinne an easy way out: instead of addressing that he’s being fully serious and owning up to these feelings his kneejerk response is to be like “kyahaha, stuupid niki! i can’t believe you’d fall for that!” but we all know he’s dying inside. it’s obvious. there’s only so many genuine, loving remarks a guy can make towards his guy best friend before the audience starts catching onto the fact that maybe he’s not actually joking, and that his guy friend just has severe self esteem issues, and is also plain stupid (endearing). IF NIKI OPENED HIS EYES HE COULD HAVE RINNE ON HIS KNEES….. WE’RE ROOTING FOR YOU…..

that’s exactly what happens in this scene, and they go on to play bicker because thats. their love language, i guess???? they’re weird. i love them

also we all know how rinne reacts to niki asking to kiss him in hot limit. regardless of how you interpret his reply (whether hes upholding his hometowns customs, being shy, or trying to make sure niki is serious about him..) most ppl can agree that after all of his advances in main story and towards niki In General he was probably freaking out, but handling it very well

niki is simply too reactive to respond to rinne’s genuine comments and be calm about it… i dont think he realizes rinne truly means all of them and his view about himself is too low to just accept the compliments and when niki gets flustered, rinne gets flustered too, but unlike him becoming speechless like he does with other people, rinne combats it with humor, b/c this is the sort of thing he and niki are used to. this, however, is not how he deals with affection coming from other people…..

gonna attach the exact scene i think you were talking about here, but when compliments come from those younger than him, like hiiro and shinobu, his initial reaction is a lot different

i’m going to link the tl for nursery rhymes as the op does not want their tls reposted, but this is the exact chapter that i think you’re referring to, the interaction itself is at the very end in case other people would like to see.

rinne points out that there’s no clever retort to shinobu’s genuine compliment, that there’s no banter he can build off of to “defend” himself - so he’s left feeling shy, and exposed. ofc its not shinobus intention to make him feel bad and idt rinne feels bad, necessarily, it’s just jarring.

rinne has a very cultivated persona that he’s built from the ground up from the end of his solo career to his current career in crazy:b. there are times this mask “slips” and he’s brought back to a similar personality to the one he had as a child in flashbacks or himself as a 17 y/o in hot limit, where he’s more meek, quiet, careful with his words, not purposely inflammatory. usually, he’s really good at keeping up appearances! look at his reputation in ES as a troublemaker with a complete disregard for everyone around him!

but when he’s confronted by people who are more “pure”, who don’t question his intentions from the get-go, he is at a loss. rinne is good around most kids because there’s no sort of “prejudice” against him, for lack of a better term; the people that this sort of thing happens around would be 1) people he loves and trusts entirely, who have known him before this persona even came into fruition (niki, hiiro) 2) people who aren’t immediately defensive around him, who don’t see him as a bad guy and trust him inherently (shinobu, for example!! sora, too! i feel like asobi club is a perfect example of this, both the story and the club itself!)

now hiiro… rinne replies to hiiros compliments in a similar way to how niki replies to His, because there’s a deep trust there between the two even though they’ve been apart for several years, and there’s enough trust for rinne to shut hiiro down completely, and get entirely flustered. i think a lot of why he’s like this with him stems from the fact that up until now hiiro was unable to express his love for his brother, or namely, he wasn’t allowed to, because of how they grew up.

rinne’s used to loving his brother, caring for him, but not the other way around, because in their hometown they were both raised with the idea that hiiro is a “liability”, that his role was to be rinne’s advisor and nothing else. for that reason and many others, rinne left his town, both because he was sick of his lack of liberty as well as being told that loving his brother was wrong, that he had to treat the one person he treasured at the time badly, that he was meant to be a leader and nothing else.

rinne goes on to explain this several times during the main story, but this is my fav instance of it b/c it hits really hard

any type of love from or towards hiiro, in this case familial, is foreign to him. so when rinne goes 5+ years without seeing his brother and his brother eventually learns that being affectionate towards rinne is okay, he’s obviously going to be a bit flustered! he’s not used to it! and hiiro is very loud and proud about it too, which probably makes it even worse for rinne. AND EVERYONE ELSE.. hiiro is not the best at picking up social cues but that is ok. it’s like when you learn something new and want to keep doing it so you dont forget and because its exciting!! hiiro is learning how to love and rinne is happy for him but he’s not equipped to deal with that .

NOT A SCREENCAP FROM IN-GAME BUT I THINK ABOUT THIS VIDEO SO OFTEN… hiiro being excited to perform with his brother and rinne is so speechless at his enthusiasm he’s like y-yeah. I LOVE IT WHEN HE IS RENDERED SPEECHLESS!!!!! 🗣️🗣🗣

the very end of main story (ch5) is dedicated to rinne talking about how he’s been told he’s wrong his whole life over every little thing he does, and i think that provides such valuable insight as to why rinne is the way he is? and why he can’t respond to genuine compliments coherently. even tho he presents himself as self-assured and does whatever the fuck he wants at this point i still think he suffers from berating himself, and it shows whenever he’s being self-sacrificial and justifies bad things happening to him with “well, i deserve this”. even though he’s come a long way, it’s always hard to unlearn harmful behaviors learned from youth

i dont rly know how to end this off because i went on such a tangent answering this hc ask IM SORRY ANON…. if u wanted me to draw smth please send another ask idm at all i just had to ramble because i love rinne-kun very much. i think he deserves the world, and just like hiiro, he is also learning to give and receive love without restraint, just in a different way. in the meantime i will relish in him getting embarrassed every time someone says smth nice to him 🙏

help me

#rinne amagi #only tag im adding bc ?!? idk. maybe ppl would like to read. i think character discussion is fun #do not interpret the rinne and hiiro analysis as romantic in any way or i will bite you #mimthinks

[klavery]

tell us your klavery hcs about how they started dating^^ (who asked who first, where they go for dates, first kisses/hand holding, etc)

EEEK! I AM SO SORRY!!! this took a while 2 answer cuz i wrote a whole frickin ESSAY! i guess thats what happens when u ask tumblr user klavery 2 talk about klavery, lol.... ANYWAYS,

ok ok omg... firstly i want 2 warn that i clearly take them wayy too seriously and romanticize the fuck out of them and its rly embarrassing bcuz they are stupid but i am just too gone 4 them at this point so 😊👍

SO LIKE!!! avery being aspec + autistic in my minds eye affects pretty much everything abt their relationship 2 romance & dating & stuff... so that & the fact theyre like a dorky awkward nerd to me makes them pretty passive & nervous abt romance stuff, at least at first! avery seems like they could b the suave confident type when it comes 2 romance, which is the kind of person i think their character develops into once they get the hang of it (still a silly dork tho OF COURSE). that being said, in the beginning, avery wasnt usually the one to initiate things often! klara was his first everything... his first crush, his first kiss, everything like that (as opposed to klaras like, 20 exes, lol) so he was kind of inexperienced XP

the development of their relationship is like... at first they HATED each other, they found each other so ANNOYING and INSUFFERABLE, naturally... until a little problem in the form of a 13 year old child showed up at the dojo. apparently this kid was enough of a mutual threat to get the two of them to tolerate each other enough to reluctantly team up... also can i say they r literally like cartoon antagonists to me? they are SO funny and dumb i am SO obsessed... anyways! after the whole main plot of the isle of armor is over, they still kinda almost, try 2 awkwardly ignore each other? tsunderes... they cant admit theyre growing fond of each other xP and after a while, that strategy just doesnt work out :p they continue 2 train at the dojo, and this soon leads 2 them becoming friends! this part is integral 2 me 4 the development of their relationship, they become total besties, they r such galpals........

after some indeterminate amount of time after becoming friends, avery finally falls for her. i headcanon klara was always attracted to him, even when she hated him, lol. they were like two freaks who were perfect partners in crime. they get really close and affectionate, even platonically ❤ ... u can tell how crazy i am over enemies to friends to lovers for them xP

so with ALL THAT in mind.... i think klara would ask first? technically? i mean klara would b the kind of person 2 want someone 2 confess their undying love 4 her, but avery was kindaa weird. i dont think they would have EVER asked her directly tbh.... they were soo confused abt their feelings hehe, abt her but also abt dating in general. klara kinda knew abt the latter, considering avery would have opened up 2 her abt it in my brainspace. i guess knowing this she would just shoot her shot & suggest that they could date! avery is so nervous.... he panics and says he needs time 2 think on it, and when he finally recomposes himself hes all like, Ahem, Klara, I Would Like To Formally Accept Your Ever So Gracious Invitation.. hehehe.... he was so funny.

UM so they try dating!! and i dont rly care if it isnt realistic or believable or whatever at all i just like cute indulgent things.

so what do they do!?! WELL, i think a particular Official artwork could answer that..

(ok but could u IMAGINE my reaction when this was first revealed!? they literally merchandised MY headcanons they merchandised MY SHIP they did it ALL 4 me💞💞💞 this is my own scan too btw! sooo worth it. its soo in character too, klara too busy clout chasing 2 notice her partners abt 2 get his flesh melted off over some curry 😊 and of course, all the lil slowpokes around them❤ quintessential klavery image). but ya! this could possibly b their first date?? i feel like i wanna honor the existence of this wonderful art and say yes.... so aside from pokecamping or just hanging out around the island doing tasks and training and such, OFC they would go shopping, they would go 2 the mall, they would have spa day, avery would take her 2 high end fancy restaurants (bcuz hes upper class and loaded lol), all while being menaces 2 society of course 🥰. OH! wanna know what i think would b cute?? THIS IS SO CRINGE but basically i hc that they have rooms at the dojo 4 the students (so they dont have 2 sleep in tents or go home everyday or whatever...) and i think it would b SO cute if honey and/or mustard helped avery set up a lil candlelit dinner date in his room~ its so silly but so sweet❤

hmm.. honestly i really like the idea of their first kiss being kinda like, lowkey. juxtaposed to the kind of people they are. one might expect some kind of grandiose fairytale type situation... when in fact they were just chillin alone somewhere on the island, and she asked 2 kiss them... and they agreed! it left avery asking themself, what am i doing? how did i get here?? everything had been so different. this definitely wasnt what they would have imagined for themself... but they loved it. averys life was changing in unexpected ways. i guess this was first-love making him a little cuckoo in the head, huh? maybe this event had been a bit grandiose, in its own way.

WOW this post really devolved into me writing fanfiction about how kissing klara caused existential revelations within avery. nice! ok!

anyways!!! we r almost at the end! so!! avery was so touch starved, omg. he wouldnt let just anyone touch him, tho, of course. but if he liked you, well... earlier i said i believed they were pretty close b4 they dated, so if klara were to grab their hand, they wouldnt object, hehe~ (shes the one w the cold hands btw, and a firm grip, too..). things abt avery & physical touch interest me so much honestly, it is so intriguing when a character who could use psychic powers 4 everything would decide not to... especially when it comes 2 affection....

eeeeeaaaaahhh!!! ive gone on too long!! i never talk abt my hcs in detail EVER so like! theres stuff i know i couldve elaborated on more but i didnt wanna go TOO off topic... ofc i could write whole novels about my silleys..... THANK U 4 SENDING THIS!!!! hope it was comprehensible, heheh

#hollyposts #klavery #i am totally ok with more questions btw hehehehe #i get kinda nervous abt it but i do love talking abt them too so...

[glitterslag]

can i request an eddissy (smutty?) ficlet plz... like, i headcanon that Eddie has a crush on Chrissy since middle school. it didn't turn into an obsession but, like, basically, all his one-night stands more or less looks like Chrissy -the strawberry hair, the short green skirt, her height or her grey/blue eyes... he tends to never use their names during the act bc 1) he forgot most of the time lol and 2) he perfer to use nicknames so he can pretend they are Chrissy... idk, but Eddie fantasying about Chrissy when he f*cks other girls is great imho :)

Bro

I am literally being torn apart by this concept

I literally wrote a essay I'm sorry (also nsfw ahead be warned) -

I too am a proud member of the Eddie Fucks Brigade. He definitely gets p**sy, but I think you're right in the sense that it's mostly one night stands. I just know he has a network of other metalhead types that he meets up with at concerts in other cities/states, and maybe sometimes crashes with afterwards. He's also in the local bar scene because of his band, and he's gotta be notorious in the local drug scene, too. So he definitely rubs shoulders with a lot of people outside of hawkins high - other metalheads, people who are on the fringes of society like him and who don't view him as some freak like at school. So you can't tell me he doesn't fuck!!!

He's definitely hooked up with girls in his van after concerts or round the back of bars. He's also probably slept with a few of the people he's sold to. Like, he's not exactly a player or anything; he doesn't get lucky all the time but it does happen. He's had one or two short-lived flings as well, but nothing close to a relationship.

I don't think Eddie necessarily has a "type" when it comes to his track record of hookups. He's a very open person who gets attracted to people's hearts and their personality rather than a specific set of criteria. But he's for sure mostly been with other metalheads. As I said, those are the people he's around most often, and he's naturally gonna be drawn to people who have similar interests to him. Also, he's obviously a big fan of the metalhead look, especially on girls.

But when it comes to like, celebrity crushes however? Or even just his ideal type if he had the ability to be more choosy? That's where things start to differ. Eddie is definitely not immune to sweet, preppy, clean cut, sporty cuties (i.e. Chrissy fucking cunningham). He loves the whole polar opposites thing. And yeah, if he thinks about it too hard it probably does stem from the idea of taking someone sweet and innocent and then corrupting them. 😈 That's the sort of thing that fuels his m*sturbation fantasies anyway.

I think Chris and Eddie start hanging out around winter time in Chrissy's senior year, after she approaches him for weed. It takes Eddie a little while to realise he has a full blown crush. Obviously, he's always known he was attracted to her. She's the lil cute smiley cheerleader from back in middle school!!! But he doesn't really tend to get intense crushes on people (probably bc his fear of rejection doesn't allow him to - hello anxious-avoidant attachment style!!), plus he's aware they're a bit of an unlikely pair so it would probably never happen. He's also kind of compartmentalised high school from his life outside of it. He has his friends from band and hellfire, sure, but anyone outside of that he just kind of writes off as lame/irrelevant and tries not to think about them too much when he's not in school. It's a defense mechanism - his way of surviving high school. So yeah, it's definitely more of a slow realisation.

- sidenote: his friends asbolutely figure it out before he does. And they totally laugh about it behind his back. Poor guy is oblivious -

Anyway. Even though Eddie doesn't realise his feelings for Chrissy straight away, anyone keeping track of the people he's hooking up with would be able to take an educated guess. It's not that he's deliberately seeking out people who look like her, but on a subconscious level that's what he's doing. All of a sudden he's not interested in the metalhead girls anymore. He starts going after girls who look progressively less hardcore and more preppy. Maybe his attention will be captured by a velvet scrunchy in a girl's hair. A pair of clean white trainers or cute tube socks pulled up to the knees. He always feels this deep ache in his chest afterwards, but he doesn't put two and two together for a while, cause you know our boy can be a dumbdumb sometimes😓😓

Once he admits to himself that he has feelings for Chrissy, he only hooks up with one or two more girls. He isn't cold with them or anything but yeah, he deliberately doesn't use their names during it and he definitely isn't sticking around to cuddle after he's come to his senses. He's not proud of it, but he basically just closes his eyes and imagines its Chrissy he's with. Honestly, it's embarrassing. It probably doesn't help that he's a little drunk both times, either. It just makes the horny yearning™ that much worse.

One of the aforementioned hookups is in his van after a concert up in Cincinnati, and he lies and tells her he has to drive back home to Hawkins that night cause he has work in the morning. The other one he can't even be bothered to feed an excuse to, so he just tells her he has to go pretty much straight after they're done. She slaps him in the face and calls him a pig as she leaves, and trust me, he's thoroughly aware that he is indeed being a pig so he just takes it on the chin like yep, fair enough. Probably deserved that. It's a personal low point for Eds. Both times, he just lights up a cigarette and mopes afterwards, daydreaming about Chrissy. Wishing he'd just blown off the gig to spend the night smoking with her instead.

After that, he stops bothering with girls altogether. It just feels wrong at this point. Poor guy doesn't even have any intention of trying to get over Chrissy. Nope, his long term plan literally consists of being painfully into her for the next few months and then hopefully she'll graduate, leave Hawkins forever and maybe then he'll make an attempt to move on. But for now? Nah, he's not even gonna try. By the time he and Chrissy actually do get together, Eddie hasn't been with another girl in months.

In this blurb I wrote, where the two of them are in the car that night and Eddie finds out Chrissy and Jason haven't slept together??? I think that's the point when things start to become absolutely unbearable for him. At first, he feels plain relief. Not because he gives a shit about all that purity culture bullshit. He doesn't at all. He wouldn't care if Chrissy had slept with a million guys. But to find out that she hasn't done it with Jason - the guy Eddie hates more than anyone, and who, quite frankly, is nowhere near deserving enough to have her? Oh man, it feels good. It feels so, sooo good.

Eddie fantasizes about being the one to give Chrissy her first time CONSTANTLY. See, that's another thing you should know about Eddie. He's a romantic. People have this idea that he's some sort of sadistic, kinky freak (and yeah he can blow that way, sometimes, which I'll elaborate on at some point), but he loves imagining how he'd be with someone who's really special to him. Sweet. Tender. Loving.

He finds himself obsessing over it - wondering just how far she's gotten and when and with whom. Chrissy said her and Jason did "stuff". He wants so desperately to ask what it was, wants to know everything, but he won't ever ask cause he's too polite. Also knowing the details would probably just about kill him. I mean, when she'd told him, that night while he drove her home, he could've thrown up. He barely stopped himself from swerving the car into a ditch or something. It's too much for his poor heart to handle.

Sooo yeah. Again apologies for writing a whole ass essay reply to this, but thanks for the opportunity to get all that off my chest and elaborate more on where Eddie's head is at around the time of my latest ficlet!!!

#ask #eddissy #eddie munson x chrissy cunningham #eddie munson #chrissy cunningham #eddie munson headcanons #unhinged rambling and shameless plugging of my fics sorry #my writing

[chibinightowl]

*deep inhale* ok. right. so. this is probably going to be really rambling because I'm kind of freaking out right now but holy shit.

I just finished the Adventure's of Sir Timothy Drake series, which was something I'd had on my to-read list for ages. Anyway so I came to the end, absolutely loved it, and then did something kind of unusual for me. I went and looked at the author name (which was you, obviously) and thought to myself "hey, that looks kind of familiar actually" and decided to see what else you'd written.

Holy fuck. Holy fuck. I swear I could have actually had a heart attack. You have written so many of my favourite jaytim fics (and i mean so many). Ones I had no idea were all by the same author. Like legitimately half of them are bookmarked and saved. The more I scrolled, the more I started to grin manically.

You wrote Two Bats and a Baby? The Accountant? Ripples on the Surface? Courting Disaster, Kill Me Softly, Murder Mystery Mayhem??? You wrote the Moon Snow and Ice series, the Fairytales Have Nothing on Me, In Sickness and in Health and Down the Rabbit Hole????? The entire fucking Casebook of Detective Timothy Drake series???? NOT TO MENTION To Gotham With Love, Sweet Treats, the Neighbours, A Diamond in the Rough series and Stray and the Red Hood series???!!!!!!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just naming things you've written at this point that I loved but I physically cannot wrap my head around it. Just...It's been you? This whole time? For like the three fucking years I've been reading dc you've been writing all my favourite stories and I didn't even know? I am actively subscribed to some of your fics. Just...wow. I am simultaneously in awe and wallowing in self-shame.

This feels like the crossover of the century to me, bigger than endgame or infinity war, bigger than any of the disney channel/nickelodeon crossover episodes I used to love. All of my favourite fics were connected the whole time. Are you a wizard? I feel like you must be to be.

Anyway you're a fantastic writer and so ridiculously talented and I hope so many good things come your way, because you've completely made my day today. Sorry for the entire essay in your inbox I completely lost the run of myself but yeah. Basically I've been a fool this entire time

Your essay has been making me smile for the last three days, to the point where I haven't wanted to reply because then the serotonin rush will vanish each time I open Tumblr. Anon, I'm not kidding, you've seriously made my month here. Thank you.

What's really funny here is that I see all these titles and I'm like "wow, I have eclectic tastes, don't I?" There's also another part of me that's "did I really write all these?"

I guess time flies when you're having fun (or I'm really a wizard and don't know it). And for me, JayTim and all the different scenarios I can craft for them is definitely fun.

Also, Anon--because of this lovely lovely lovely comment, I'll post the next Accountant chapter this weekend. Hope you enjoy the start of Part Two! <3

#chibi's asks

[determinedwriter]

Whumptober 2023 Day 18: Alt Prompt 11: Panic

Ro

It’s fine. You’re fine. Ro, you’re fine.

I keep trying to tell myself this, my heart beating way too fast. Why does it have to happen on the day I turn in the essay worth half my damn grade? I’m terrified. I know it’s a good essay, but my teacher can be really strict and harsh about the small things.

I gulp as my teacher slaps my essay on my desk with a frown and a big red F covering half of the first page. “You’re lucky I don’t expel you for this, Potts.”

“W-What?” I gasp. “Sir, I worked on this for an entire month. I put a lot of effort and a ton of hours into this. Why are you giving me an F? I’ll fail this class if-”

He holds his hand up to stop me from talking. “Please, don’t embarrass yourself further in front of the class. This was clearly written by someone else. You either plagiarized it or had someone else write it for you.”

The students around me giggle.

My jaw drops. “W-Why would you think that? I swear, I wrote it all myself. Please, I-”

“Get out of my classroom if you decide to continue disrespecting me.” My teacher. Mr. Carson snaps.

My cheeks go hot and I feel my anxiety reach its peak. “I…I s-swear I…”

He points to the door. “Out. Now. Please, everyone, take note of what NOT to do and what I will NOT tolerate in my class.”

Legs shaking, I stand up and grab my essay, looking at the big red F in shame, listening to the snickering of my classmates until I’m outside and running to the bathroom to cry. I worked so hard on this paper and I’m being called a cheater. It’s not fair.

Contemplating calling my dad, I let my finger shakily hover over his contact name. “Get it together, Aurora. You’re fine...don’t freak out…it’s okay…”

The bell rings, signaling the end of the class. I need to get to my next one, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to sit through it without bursting into tears. I’m so embarrassed. I don’t know what to do now. I can’t skip, but I can’t stay.

I’ve been anxious about that essay all day. Of all the things I thought could happen, I didn’t imagine this. I’m heartbroken. Like the perfectionist I am, I have straight A’s. I’m Tony Stark’s daughter. I have to be impressive. Even if the general public doesn’t know of my parentage, I still hold myself to an impossible standard.

Looking down at my phone, I try to decide what to do. I can’t talk about my essay. I’m too scared to admit what happened. And I’m not even sure if Dad would believe my side of things. Sometimes he just…doesn’t understand.

I’m not an effortless genius like him.

Forcing myself to go to my next class, I try desperately to ignore the stares that follow me down the hall. Peter sits at the desk beside mine and smiles before noticing my demeanor. “Ro? Hey, what’s wrong?”

I struggle to keep my breathing even and normal. “Everyone thinks I’m a cheater.”

I put my essay on his desk. “I got a big fat F for cheating or not writing my paper. That’s what my teacher Mr. Carson said. I swore up and down that I didn’t cheat but he humiliated me in front of the whole class. I worked so hard, Peter.”

He frowns and looks at my essay, flipping through it. “This is really good, Ro. Maybe he thought it was so good that you couldn’t have written it yourself? I mean, that’s not a good reason to give you an F though. I’m really sorry.”

I nod. “My dad is gonna be so disappointed. I’m…I’m not like him.”

“You’re my best friend. I know how amazing you are. Your teacher is wrong. He’s just plain wrong.” Peter reassures me. “I’m sorry he doesn’t believe you.”

I exhale, deflating in my chair. “Yeah…thanks.”

The teacher from my English class walks in, making me go pale. I look at Peter. “That’s him…” Why is he even here? He doesn’t teach history.

He frowns sympathetically and grabs my hand from under the desk. “I’m sorry.”

“Hello, class.” Mr. Carson says. “I’ll be taking over for Mr. Dell today. He had a family emergency and had to leave. I’m Mr. Carson and I will be your substitute history teacher for the last class of the day.”

I gulp and he makes eye contact with me, recognition washing over his face. “Today we’ll be talking about Jacob Epstein and his famous case of plagiarism. My specialty is literature so I thought I’d bring something from history that involved what I know best. It’s a nice change of pace for you all.”

He looks at me again. “Plus, Miss Potts here knows a lot about plagiarism so it shouldn’t be a difficult assignment for her.”

My lip quivers as the students around me snicker. “Mr. Carson, I swear I-“

“In fact, why don’t we study Aurora Potts’ essay as an example?” He interrupts.

I hold back the urge to throw up, eyes darting to Peter. He squeezes my hand. “It’s okay. Ro, it’s okay. Look at me. Everything is going to be alright.”

“Mr. Parker, do you have anything you’d like to share with the class?” Mr. Carson asks him.

Peter looks surprised. “U-Uh…well, I just don’t…I don’t think you should jump to conclusions about Ro’s essay. In fact, I know how hard she worked on it. It’s not fair to give her a failing grade and tell the whole class that she plagiarized or cheated or whatever.”

God, I love Peter Parker. I’m so glad he’s by my side. I don’t have the mental strength to fight for myself right now. This day has caused too much anxiety already and I can’t take much more before I crack.

Mr. Carson slowly nods. “I see that you like to stick up for your friend here, and I’ll commend you for that. But a cheater is a cheater.”

Peter tries to rebuttal, but decides against it and holds my hand again. “I’m sorry.”

I am silent with a lump in my throat as Mr. Carson tells us to take out our notebooks, beginning to write on the board behind him.

Plagiarism Cases in Modern History: Aurora Potts

My stomach clenches and I’m almost certain I’m about to puke. Peter notices my quickened breath. “Hey. Hey, I’m here. I’m right here with you.”

I want to appreciate his words, but this is sending me over the edge. I can’t breathe. I can’t do this. I can’t take the sound of my classmates giggling and taking pictures of the whiteboard.

Unable to take it anymore, I stand up from my desk, gaining the attention of Mr. Carson. “Miss Potts, you’ll have to wait until the bell rings to be excused.”

My voice shakes as I answer. “I-I c-can’t.”

“These are the consequences of your actions and you have to get used to that before you’re out in the real world. Nobody’s gonna hold your hand, and your parents are only going to be disappointed. What would your mother and father say?”

“M-My mother…” I squeeze my eyes shut at the painful memory. “My mother is d-dead.”

His face changes slightly and I think he may tone it down a little. “Have any siblings?”

I shake my head. “N-No…”

Mr. Carson sighs. “That’s a real shame. I guess your father will just have to live with a daughter that cheats her way through life. If you were my daughter, I’d be very, very disappointed. Your dad should be too. I’m sure he will be.”

That’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back. I burst into tears and run out of the classroom, desperate for refuge.

I hear Peter calling after me and it only makes me more anxious. Slinging my backpack onto both shoulders, I run for the exit and don’t stop booking it until I’m home.

Peter has called me a few times now. School will be out soon enough. I feel badly for worrying him, but I just couldn’t take Mr. Carson’s cruel words.

Sobs with my face in a pillow, I find it hard to breathe and hug it instead. He’s right. My dad deserves a better kid. Someone much smarter and stronger than me.

With all of this on my mind, I sob and heave heavily, unable to catch my breath. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.”

“You seem to be in distress. Would you like me to notify Mr. Stark?” FRIDAY, the compound's AI assistant asks me.

I quickly shake my head. “N-N-No! No…don’t bother him.”

I sit on the floor next to my bed and find a shoebox under it. Oh yeah. I forget I had this. It’s been so long since I felt I needed it.

Opening the box, I see a razor blade and an old Polaroid of my mom. God, I miss her so much. I miss her more than anything.

Fidgeting with the razor in my hands, I contemplate using it. I’m such a disappointment. I can’t deal with all of this pain. Not anymore. Not without punishing myself for my own failures.

I slash horizontally across my wrist a few times, finding it almost comforting to see the blood trickle down. It’s what I deserve.

There’s suddenly a knock on my door and I begin to panic again. “Ro, are you okay? You’re home early.”

Dad. No, no, no. “I-I’m fine. I j-just…felt sick.”

“Can I come in?” He asks.

I shove the razor back in the box and put it back under my bed before rolling my sleeves down. “Y-Yeah.”

Dad enters my room, looking surprised at the state of me. “What’s wrong? Kid, what happened?”

Starting to cry all over again, I cover my face in embarrassment. “I’m sorry I’m such a f-failure.”

He sits on the floor beside me. “You’re not a failure.”

“B-But I…m-my e-e-essay, it…” I try to explain, anxiety getting the better of me. I hyperventilate and pull at the ends of my hair so harshly I might rip some out.

“Hey, hey, hey, stop. Ro, stop. You’re gonna hurt yourself. Take a deep breath.” Dad tries to persuade me.

I’ve already hurt myself, so there’s another disappointment to add to his list. I can’t stop myself from spiraling.

Small clumps of hair come out as I continue to pull, worrying Dad more. “Stop! Stop! Why are you doing this? Come on, look at me. You’ve gotta stop.”

His raised voice makes me crumble and he tries to grab my hands, causing me to cry out in surprise and panic. “No! No! No! Don’t touch me!”

He pries my fingers off of my hair, finally getting me to stop. He holds my hands gently as I shut my eyes tightly. “Ro, it’s alright. What’s going on, mini?”

Mini. Like Mini Stark. It’s one of my nicknames along with Tiny Stark, Micro Stark, Little Stark, etc. Anything to do with being the miniature version of my father.

But I’m not like him. I’m not strong, smart and confident. I’m just…me. “I can’t breathe.”

“Okay…alright. Look at me. Everything’s fine. You’re safe. Just look at me, okay?” He requests.

I slowly and fearfully open my eyes, looking into his. He’s kneeling in front of me now. “Good, Ro. Copy my breathing. Can you do that for me?”

I nod and he gives a small smile. “Okay. Breathe in…”

He does an exaggerated breath in. “Breathe out…”

This continues for a bit until I’m able to copy him long enough for me to calm down. I sniffle. “I’m sorry.”

Dad hugs me, tenderly cradling me in his lap as we sit on the floor. “Oh, mini…it’s alright. Can you tell me what happened today?”

I gulp nervously, clinging to him. “I got an F on my English essay. Because my teacher thinks I cheated…he thinks I plagiarized it or something. He berated me in front of my class and then he filled in for my history teacher and made an example of me there too. Everyone laughed and took pictures. Well…except for Peter. I ran out of class and he tried to chase me but I just kept running until I got home.”

He massages my hair. “I’m so, so sorry, Ro. I know you didn’t cheat. You worked really hard on it. I remember. And your teacher…I’m gonna have to have a word with him. I’m gonna fix this for you, alright?”

“It seemed like the whole school was making fun of me…laughing…gossiping.” I whimper.

“Kids are assholes.” Dad replies. “There’s always gonna be people like that and you can’t control it. You just have to believe me when I say it’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong.”

“Thanks…” I mumble.

He situates himself beside me again, looking down as his hand bumps into something. “What do we have here?”

Dad pulls out the shoebox and I instantly panic. “Nothing. Nothing. It’s private. Please, it’s-“

He opens it and sees the Polaroid and razor, face darkening. “Ro…”

I’ve disappointed him for real this time, haven’t I?

Examining the blade, he lightly gasps. “There's blood on this. Fresh blood.”

Wrapping my arms around myself for comfort, I bow my head and cry. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I deserve to…I…I should be hurt.”

“Show me.” Dad mumbles softly.

I know what he means, but I hug myself tighter and hide my arms. “I don’t wanna…”

“Let me help you. Please, let me help you.” He replies.

I don’t protest as he carefully takes my arms and rolls up my sleeves, seeing the cuts on my left wrist. “Oh, baby…baby girl. It’s alright now, Ro.”

“It’ll never be alright.” I say mournfully. “I’m never gonna be as smart or as strong as you. I'm not like you…I’m hardly a Stark. I shouldn’t have this name.”

Dad helps me up and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up and we can talk.”

We go to the bathroom and he has me sit on the toilet seat while he gently cleans my cuts with a warm washcloth. He’s so tender and focused.

“I'm sorry.” I say quietly as he works.

He doesn’t look up at me. “Don’t ever be sorry. If you ever feel like doing this again, you call me. You tell me.

No matter what time it is or where I am, you’ve gotta tell me so I can help you. Can you do that for me?”

I nod. “Mmhm.”

“Good.” Dad replies. “And for the record, you’re not a disappointment. If anyone deserves the Stark name, it’s you. You’re empathetic and wise beyond your years. And incredibly smart and strong willed. You’re everything I could ever hope for, baby. I promise you that.”

Sighing, I shrug my shoulders. “Okay, Dad…”

“It’s true.” He reiterates. “You’re going to be a great woman all by yourself. You won’t even need me.”

“I’ll always need you.” I counter, almost urgently.

Dad smiles. “I’ll always need you too, kiddo.”

Applying medicine and wrapping my wrist with bandages, he kisses it softly. “There you go.”

I’ve never seen him so soft and caring. He grabs my hand and lifts me from the toilet seat, wrapping his arms around me as we stand there.

He sighs contently. “I love you endlessly, mini.”

“Love you tons.” I reply, burying my head in his shoulder. “Thank you.”

“Don’t sweat it. What do you say we order some cheeseburgers and watch something? Anything you want.” Dad offers.

I grin, wiping my eyes after all of the crying. “Yeah, okay.”

He grins back. “Let’s get downstairs. I’m starving. You go pick the movie and I’ll order us some grub.”

Nodding, I go downstairs to find what I want to watch. And I’m actually smiling.

My dad loves me endlessly. He said as much.

That gives me more comfort than anything ever will.

#whumptober2023 #no.18 #panic #iron man #the avengers #mcu #fic #anxiety attack tw #bullying tw #self harm tw #blood tw #angst tw #hair pulling tw #panic attack tw #tony stark #aurora stark #ro stark #avengers #mcu oc #tony stark is a good dad #tony stark x daughter!reader #tony stark’s daughter #tony stark's daughter oc #peter parker #peter parker is an angel #whump #fanfiction #ironman #Tony loves her endlessly #altprompt 11

[kinnspocketporsche]

Okay so I've been wondering about a couple things since pretty much VegasPete became romantic and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. They're related but I'm going to break them up into two because they're not identical and this is already going to be long lol.

Thing one: do you think (also past but particularly as of ep 14) VegasPete are in a codependent relationship? It seems pretty clear to me (as someone who has been in a codependent relationship formed via trauma bonding yay!), but there are also a couple moments that could be interpreted to not be codependency. One example is Vegas telling Pete he's alright with him leaving in ep 14. I personally think there's a double-meaning there: Vegas is both saying I'm not going to be that person who imprisoned you, it's up to you to make the choice if you want to stay, but also giving him an out by saying I'll survive if you leave now [but if you don't, I will give you my whole heart and if you leave later, I won't survive that]. It's kinda hard to tell, even as someone who has so much trauma myself (part of the reason I have anon on 🤡), what is codependency and what is a trauma response seeing as the two are so interlinked and sometimes indistinguishable.

Also that moment with them in the alley in ep 13... I feel like I don't even need to explain it much. Like Pete was broken both from what Vegas did to him (aka torture) and what Vegas did to him (😏) (Pete: oh shit it's feelings) but still needed Vegas with him. I know their relationship changed a fuckton in 14, but that seems hella codependent to me.

Does this mean they moved out of (or are starting to) whatever toxic thing they had previously (like I'm sorry but "(2 days ago) previously tortured bodyguard and his torturer fall for each other" does not sound like a healthy relationship no matter what anyone says) into another different kind of toxic relationship?

After practically writing a whole freaking scatterbrained essay, my essential question is: based off of your interpretation of the series (and whatever the hell those paragraphs I wrote were trying to explain my thought process), do you think they're codependent and how could that play out further on in the storyline?

~MA (just so you know it's the same person with my next question(s) lol)

First off: I love this ask, I love the critical thinking skills, thank you for sending it to me! Second, while I did study Psychology and am now in the field of Social Work, I do not specialize in intimate relationships. My population is children and my specialization is childhood trauma, so I have some familiarity with these concepts via schooling, research, and some of what I've seen in families - but I have never been a relationship counselor. I'll take a stab at it, but if anyone who knows better wants to correct me, please do so!

Trigger warning for discussions of trauma, abuse, and self-harm. Also, this is a long post that falls somewhere between character analysis and informative ramblings, so if that's not your thing, feel free to skip it!

I also got a strong sense of relationship imbalance and manipulation from them in their earlier episodes. I'm going to avoid using the term codependency, because my understanding is that it's outdated with little to no basis in science. Along with that, I think understanding why it's not the best term here might be helpful in understanding the core of the issue you're describing very articulately.

(Note: I have zero issue with you or anyone else using it to describe things you've personally experienced. If it's what feels most accurate to you, I absolutely don't want to take that away. Labels are tools to be used to the extent that they help us process things. From a clinical perspective, I just try to be as accurate to our current scientific understanding as I can.)

"It's kinda hard to tell... what is codependency and what is a trauma response seeing as the two are so interlinked and sometimes indistinguishable."

This, actually, is the root of it. The DSM doesn't include diagnoses for relationships, because relationship mismanagement is believed to stem from individual distress/disorders. More than that, we need to differentiate the individuals involved to determine their individual conflicts. It's possible that both are struggling with a disorder, but it's also possible that one is responding in a normal way and is struggling due to the effects of the other individual's disorder.

For example, say a friend of mine tells me he's going to self-harm and that he has no one else but me to help him. My instinct is to drop everything to help! Maybe I skip work, or maybe I am up all night with him instead of sleeping. Say this cycle repeats and my friend refuses to - or is unable to - get help from a professional. I am now caught between risking my friend's wellbeing and my own, so I may continue to "accommodate" this behavior of his while doing damage to my own life. In this scenario, my response can actually be considered a normal one, even if it is detrimental. Cutting off our relationship won't solve whatever disorder my friend is struggling with - my skipping work and not sleeping stems from him and the fact that, as a friend, I feel a responsibility to him. It's good to feel some responsibility to your friends! It's just not helpful here because of the root of the issue. In reality, me cutting off our relationship could mandate that my friend get help elsewhere, but it could also have disastrous consequences for both my friend and myself. The solution, either way, is my friend getting the help he needs from someone who can provide that for him, and it isn't my fault as someone who's trying to support him that he's not getting that. However, I also may look at that relationship and say I need to end it for my own wellbeing because my friend's disorder is hurting me, and that's also a normal response.

So: did VegasPete start off as an unhealthy relationship? Absolutely. Was it unhealthy because of codependency? Ehhhh, kinda. I lean more towards it being a problem of Vegas not having any perception of what a healthy relationship should look like. Vegas's father treats him like a pet, so he treats Pete like a pet. I'm almost tempted to diagnose all of these fools at this point. And I know Pete wanted to be with Vegas, but the fact that he left tells me he didn't need it. Yes he was sad after he left - anyone would be after leaving someone they care about. Especially when that person used manipulative language like "I need you" right before he left. And honestly that line is a red flag for manipulation, whether intentional or not, so it was a good move on Pete's part to leave.

What was so interesting to me about VegasPete was how extremely aware Pete is of his position. He wants to help Vegas, but he can only do so much. He knows that. He looks at Vegas and says "it's your choice" or something similar to it so many times I've lost count. He's right - whether or not Vegas heals is on him, and, unless therapists start infiltrating our beloved mafia world, it's on Vegas alone. Pete has done as much as he can by getting Vegas to realize there is a problem and even getting him to the point of thinking about fixing it.

Pete is so very aware that he doesn't deserve the way Vegas treats him, but he's also aware that it's still hurting him (Pete) and not helping Vegas.

There's a model that's used in the mental health world that is often used with clients who have substance use disorders, but applies to anyone with any problem, called Stages of Change. It's exactly what it sounds like - people will not change unless they are internally ready to do so. I like to look at VegasPete through this lens. In episode 11, Vegas has 2 related problems to fix: his position as his father's victim and his position as Pete's abuser. Pete's problem is that he's not being seen as human by Vegas, but still wants to stay with him.

Pre-contemplation: This is Vegas for most of the show. He doesn't realize he has a problem with his father that needs to be fixed. Pete's refusal to be treated as a pet and his refusal to fight gets Vegas thinking for the first time that his relationship with his father is not entirely his own fault, which allows him to start thinking about changing.

Contemplation: I like to think that Vegas "letting" Pete escape only to taser him is part of this stage for Vegas with their relationship. The thought of letting Pete go has crossed his mind, but he's not ready to act on it in any significant way yet. The discussion about Pete's father jolts Vegas out of this stage.

I also think we see Pete in the contemplation stage when they're laying in bed at the very beginning of episode 13. Vegas says "Do you know how sexy you are?" and they have this whole conversation where Pete is just quiet, keeping his thoughts to himself, brain whirring.

Preparation: An individual starts experimenting with small changes. This is the next part of episode 13 - Vegas preparing the food for Pete, Vegas standing up to his father. Vegas agreeing to let Pete out of the handcuffs - on the condition that Pete stay with him.

And Pete is getting there at the same time, when he's talking to himself saying "I didn't want it" and pushing Vegas once after the food incident, realizing he needs to go but wanting to make sure it's necessary.

Vegas is still here in the alley scene, he's saying he's sorry and doing things against his father's orders, but he still wants Pete to be with him. He still pressures him into admitting that he can't kill Vegas. He's still being manipulative. We start to see him move into the next stage when he leaves Pete willingly.

Action: Pete gets here before Vegas does. He punches him in the face and leaves. Yay Pete! He has a bit of an advantage here because he, unlike Vegas, knew what he needed to do for himself from the start.

Vegas gets here when he stops seeking Pete out, and when he stops making it Pete's responsibility to save him. He's self-destructive as hell in episode 14, but it's not at Pete's expense. He's not trying to guilt Pete into staying. I am choosing to take him at face value when he says "If you run now, I'm alright with that." I really hope that means that he'll find other ways to be okay if Pete leaves, even in the future. I don't think he wants to make promises he's not sure he'll be able to keep, so I read this as noncommittal rather than something manipulative like "if you stay I won't let you go." My instinct with Vegas from his past interactions with Pete is that if he'd meant it to be that, he would've said it more clearly. Pete tends to speak in double meanings - Vegas has been very direct. I trust Pete's instincts, too, because he's been so self-aware this whole time. But it's honestly impossible to tell for sure until we see follow through.

Additional note: I also think we see Vegas reach the action stage with his father in episode 14. He would've killed Kinn if he was blindly following his father's orders. He wouldn't have warned Porsche about the upcoming battle. Y'all realize that if Porsche hadn't been there, Gun/Kan wouldn't have died? Vegas was (unintentionally) partially responsible for his father's death. Anyway, we don't really get resolution on this one for obvious reasons, and I will admit we have some mixed signals with Kan/Gun sending Vegas off before the fight, so I might be more hopeful about this than I should be.

Maintenance: We saw this when Pete didn't go after Vegas in the alley. He'd already taken action, and was standing his ground. He hasn't gone back on it, because he only went to Vegas when his problem of being treated as less-than-human was resolved (Vegas telling him he loves him and then leaving).

This is where we're at the end of season 1, too. This is what we need a season 2 for. I don't personally feel like these two are in a position of absolute stability like some people believe because yeah, it takes time - you mentioned that this all happened very fast for them and I agree. What's more important to me and what makes it interesting is that they made it to this place of maintenance very quickly and painfully. They're both clearly willing to work for this. Whether or not they can bear the struggles moving forward remains to be seen, but they're pretty tough so I think they'll be alright.

I'm sorry this is so long and I hope I was able to answer your question here! If not, or if you have any follow-up questions, definitely let me know! This was a lot of fun to think through and I'll be posting a response to your second part soon! <3

Edit: Part 2 is now up!

#tw trauma #tw abuse #tw self harm #vegaspete meta #vegas x pete #vegaspete #vegas theerapanyakul #pete saengtham #kinnporsche meta #meta #kp meta #kinnporsche the series #kinn porsche the series #kp ep 14 #kpts ep 14 #kinnporsche episode 14 #winnie's answers #winnie's words

[only-angel-28]

Okay I’m finally here! I wanted so badly to read it when you posted but I was so freaking tired I crashed 😭 But I’m here with another rant/essay of thoughts and emotions haha I feel like with every chapter I write more and more 😂

Getting a glimpse into Conrad’s head in any fic itches my brain nicely, idk I just love him?? Anywho, the way you write his like emotions and his anger/frustration? I’m here for it, he deserves to be a little upset instead of just shutting himself down to protect himself 🥺🖤 BUT him tracking Dean down and punching him before the ass can even get a word in?! Yes!! Thank you omg, protector Conrad getting his emotions out AND making sure Dean knows he’s not welcome anymore? no and then he comes home and tucks us in??? After beating a guy up?? God I’m feral for him I need therapy 😂

Him and his moms? (Bc lbr Susannah x Laurel is the real otp here 😭🖤) I tear up every time Susannah’s cancer gets brought up bc of personal stuffs so like Conrad crying on her and letting himself feel bc he didn’t mean to hurt us while his mom was sick?? My eyes were sweating I wanna give him cuddles and back rubs and forehead kisses 🥺😭🖤🖤

Steven would be that person tho “oh don’t worry I watched the cooking channel I can do this!” And then fucks it all to hell 😂 I love him, I feel like Steven and I would be those besties that are complete idiots together because we share half a braincell 😂

And Connie calling us my girl?!?! AND baby?!! That shit gives me butterflies omg 😭😭 im so lonely lmfao ahh the whole living room scene has me in a choke hold I love him, just ahhhhh the domesticity of caring for your lover after he beats someone up for you 🥺🖤

The almost kiss on the beach had me swooning too 😭 Fucking Steven and cockblocking us 😂😂

MATCHING TATTOOS AHHH 😩😩

No but who tf does Thérèse think she is???? “Sorry I stole your bf I was jealous but I ended things with him” like good for you but stay away lmao like that trust would be so damaged!!! Thérèse and Dean really do deserve each other 😤😤

Okay but us hitting Dean? And just being a feral cat about him not shutting up? Yes please?! Couples who beat shitty exes up together are top tier 😂 (I know we’re not a couple yet but in my heart Conrad’s already my husband 😂🖤) AND AGAIN the of checking over each others wounds?!!! I love them, your honor. 🖤🖤

Okay but Connie immediately wanting to take off and beat the shit out of Dean, while the love of his life’s injured??? But his tunnel vision is just like “gotta kill this guy”?? Like you idiot I don’t want Jere to take me to the hospital I want the person that makes me feel safe there 😭😭😭

Overall I love how theres a bunch of little moments showing how we love each other but it doesn’t feel forced or too fast? Like obviously Conrad and her just wanna kiss (damn you Steven) but also they’re comfortable just existing together too because they both know they care?? Does that make sense? Is that even what you were going for? Idk but that’s how I’m feeling it rn, maybe it’s just my craving for love that’s reading in too deep 😂😂

AHHH 😭 Anyway thank you again for another glorious chapter, I love it, I adore you, and I’m so so excited for more! I can’t wait to see the moms reactions to their tattoos (and for getting into a fight and getting injured 💀😂) and just for more shenanigans in general with everyone 🖤🖤😭

oh. my gosh. STOP I LOVE THESE COMMENT THINGYS SM THEYRE SO FUN.

ok so i totally agree, dean is a RAT he deserves whatever happens to him ik i wrote the damn thing but i stand w it🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

no but fr someone needed to humble dean and thérèse both like they’re so annoying. i didn’t want thérèse to have a giant monologue just explaining why she did what she did bc honestly people like that don’t rly say all that much irl, they’re just looking for ways to get back in ur life and mess it up again tbh and she was just annoying too like

and i mean i didn’t wanna say it myself but yes the main characters here ARE susannah and laurel, glad we cleared that up. they’re literally so cutesy and wonderful i love them sm

STEVENS SO FUNNY STOP- hes literally hilarious i love him sm

no honestly i love the living room scene too it’s so cutesy and domestic i thought those two needed a tiny little cute relaxed moment before it all went down tbh💀💀

and i agree, if someone called me baby??????????

🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

that’s all i have to say. next question.

no everytime i write an almost kiss im literally on the edge of my seat as well like should i make them kiss or should i wait🤨🤨

REAL. we’re not officially w conrad yet but we bascially are married w two dogs and an adopted son (steven) so we don’t even need to go through the formalities anymore

no fr like ily conrad but now is not the time, you better get in that car and drive to the hospital.

YESS IT DOES MAKE SENSE IM SO GLAD YOU NOTICED!!!! i didn’t want to make this one too like fast paced or too like oh everyone gets what they want happily ever after like i feel like you don’t need to be constantly making out or talking w someone you care about, even just spending some time w them is more than enough like just having these tiny cute little moments is so lovely

YESS IM SO EXICTED TO WRITE MORE ON THIS ONE sadly i don’t think i can post another part until like friday night / the weekend bc schooo started again today (kms) and it’s gcse year (double kms) but im so happy you like it, i love love love these conment things so much you have no idea🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

[gay-otlc]

This Is Where We're Supposed To Be

Apparently I wrote an 11K Delivvy fic. You're welcome. And also sorry in advance

Summary: But the thing about Della was, no matter how much Livvy tried to run, it was damn near impossible to stay away.

@thatonechandelier @countingthestarsaboveourheads @tiergan-andrin-alenefar @an-ungraeceful-swan @books-over-boys @if-only-wishes-were-answered @be-sapphic-do-crime I believe these are the people who asked to be tagged.

Warnings for cursing, homophobia, some blood/injuries but nothing graphic

Read on AO3

Livvy would have liked to think that the first time ce talked to the most beautiful girl ce'd ever seen was romantic and eloquent, but no, cer brain decided to shut down that day. Ce was a level six at foxfire, and technically, Della talked to cer instead of the other way around. Livvy mostly just stammered and nodded. It was a normal day of eating lunch and bitching about history homework, when ce felt a tap on cer shoulder and spun around to see none other than Della Vacker, with her brown skin and red lips and shimmering violet dress and…

”Earth to Livvy. Della just asked you a question,” Tiergan said, not looking up from drawing Prentice in the margins of the essay xe was supposed to be writing. Livvy blushed and snapped to attention, thinking this was off to a fantastic start, but maybe ce could save the situation by saying something super smooth.

What came out of cer mouth was not something super smooth. What came out of cer mouth was ”Um. Hi. I’m Livvy.”

Beside her, Elwin chuckled and ce prayed for the ground to swallow cer whole. Della’s mouth quirked into a smile. “I hear you’re good at biology?”

With tremendous effort, ce forced out the words “I’m okay at it.”

”Don’t sell yourself short, you’re a freaking genius,” Elwin jumped in. Cer face was probably on fire, even though they weren't wrong. Ce didn't like to brag, but... that wasn't even true! Ce loved to brag! Just yesterday ce was laughing in Alden's face that ce'd scored higher on the test than him! Somehow, now ce was feeling self conscious? What?

Running a hand through her hair, Della asked “Would you be willing to help me with it? It’s my worst subject and my parents are starting to get on my case about midterms.”

Was this… like… real? Breathless, ce managed to say ”Yeah! Sure!”

”Cool! Would after school tomorrow work?”

Too panicked to speak, ce nodded.

”Okay, I’ll see you then.” Her smile grew wider as she waved and glided away.

Livvy waited for her to be out of earshot before turning back to cer friends scattered around the table. “What. The. Fuck. Just. Happened.”

”You okay there, Dr. Lesbian?” Cyrah asked, grinning.

Like they were the only words left in cer vocabulary, ce repeated “What the fuck.”

Tiergan snorted. “Della Vacker, huh?”

”Shut up.”

”You’re still staring in her direction,” Cyrah added helpfully.

”Shut up,” Livvy snapped, already counting down the minutes to their study date.

___

Somehow, those minutes crawled by at a snail's pace of tossing and turning in bed, of paying zero attention in class and doodling D+L one too many times in cer notebook. When the bell finally rang, ce jumped out of the Universe class with a speed usually reserved for claiming the last slice of mallowmelt. It was a wonder ce didn't crash into anyone on cer way to meet Della at her locker. Despite cer speed, Della was already there when Livvy arrived, somehow looking graceful even while lugging a backpack that must have weighed a ton. Ce must have gotten slightly more eloquent since the last time they saw one another, because cer voice sounded steady on what ce hoped was a casual "Hey."

Her locker clicked shut. "Hi."

"So..." Oh, there was that on-brand disaster lesbian inability to form words. "Where do you want to study?"

"I was thinking my house?" And as if that hadn't already sold Livvy, she added "I baked ripplefluffs last night, and we can have some once I we finish. I find ripplefluffs to be very motivational when I'm studying."

She had a point, and Livvy's heart beat faster at the thought. Over at Della's house? It sounded exciting initially, but the more ce thought about it, the more ce realized ce would probably make a fool of cerself. But the ripplefluffs did sound really good, and Della needed cer help, so... "Alright. I have to go grab my things from my locker, but yeah, I'll meet you there."

"Great! It's called Lumiere." Della waved and turned around towards the leapmaster. Livvy spun in the other direction, nearly running to cer locker, and cer best friend who was now cer source of romantic advice, against their will.

"Elwin! Help!"

Elwin buried their face in their hands. "What did you do this time? Don't you have a study date with Della?"

"Yeah, I'm about to go over to her house and I don't want to fuck this up! What the fuck do I do? How does one talk to a girl? It would be nice if I knew how to flirt, but I would honestly just settle for not making myself look like a complete and total idiot. What am I doing?" Ce rested cer forehead against the cold metal of the locker.

Their hand settled on cer shoulder. "You're asking me for romantic advice? Livvy, I'm aroace."

"You're also my best friend! It's your job to get me out of messes I create!"

"I'm pretty sure I did not sign up for that. But... just... be yourself, I guess?"

"I can't be myself! Myself is an awkward trainwreck!"

"Maybe Della has a thing for awkward trainwrecks. And anyway, if she doesn't like you, that's her loss."

"I guess?"

They gave cer a thumbs up. "You got this, Dr. Lesbian."

___

Dr. Lesbian did not have this, ce realized upon arriving at Lumiere. It looked... very fancy. A house for a princess, where awkward trainwrecks were generally not invited. Ce stood frozen for a moment after ringing the doorbell before it swung open and Della came into sight. "Livvy! Come on in." For a horrifying second, it felt like cer legs wouldn't work, but ce managed eventually. The two made it to the foot of the stairs before a man approached. Judging by the resemblance, Della's father.

"Radelle?"

Radelle?

"Livvy's helping me with biology. We were just going up to study now."

Della's father turned to Livvy and nodded. "Pleasure to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," ce replied, resisting the urge to hide behind Della. Everything about him screamed intimidating, such a contrast to Livvy's own father, who was full of laughter and terrible puns. Ce couldn't imagine growing up with him like Della had. Maybe he seemed warmer once you got to know him, but Della was hugging her chest like she wanted to disappear into herself, so maybe not. Then, as if coming out of a trance, her posture straightened and she grabbed Livvy's hand, pulling cer to the staircase.

They were holding hands.

Livvy prided cerself on not having a heart attack.

When they arrived at her room, Della gestured to the stack of papers on her meticulously organized desk. "That's what we're studying. I understand just about none of it." Livvy glanced over and launched into an explanation, beginning to bounce on cer toes as enthusiasm took over. Was that nerdy? Yes, but this was interesting to cer! Della nodded along as ce spoke.

"Okay, I think I get it?"

With another look at the worksheet, ce asked one of its practice problems. Della thought for a moment before answering correctly.

"Great!"

Della smiled. “You’re really good at this," she said, her eyes wide and she was staring right at cer and- "Like. Really good.��

Ce scratched the back of cer neck. "Thanks… I’m planning on being a doctor, so it wouldn’t be great if I couldn’t do this shit." Cue the awkward laugh.

"Well, I think you’ll be great at it." And the kindness written into her face, the genuine smile curling across, somehow hurt to look at. Like Della was the sun, like she was too bright. Accepting compliments, without the jokingly overdone flourish ce loved so much, seemed almost... dangerous. Admitting something was important to cer, bringing it in close to cer heart, felt like inviting some cruel outside force to come take it away. Admitting, even to cerself, that ce cared and hoped, meant opening up to the possiblity that ce could get hurt. Which was definitely not something ce wanted to do.

So, Livvy cleared cer throat and changed the subject. "What do you want to do? After graduation?”

"I’ll probably end up a trophy wife and give birth to some powerful children." Her eyes dropped from cer and fixed on the ground.

With the homework all but abandoned, Livvy took a tiny step closer and softly asked "That’s what you want to do?"

"That’s what I’m supposed to do. What I want doesn’t matter." Della shook her head roughly, and a coil of her perfect hair fell out of place, swinging across her eyes.

Livvy leaned further still and tucked the hair behind her ear. "It does." Their noses were almost touching. "It does matter."

"Tell that to my parents," Della snorted.

"Okay. I will."

"You'll- what?"

Della might have said something else, too, but Livvy's feet led cer out the door before ce could hear. Who the hell did Della's parents think they were? Without cer noticing, cer hands curled into fists. Ce probably should not punch Della's parents. That wouldn't exactly be a great first impression, and might be a little extreme. But damn, it was tempting. Channeling the voice of a disappointed Lady Erica, ce marched into the kitchen and said, in a voice dripping with sarcastic politeness, "Lord Vacker."

Hopefully that was the right title. Gendered titles were exceptionally stupid and Livvy tried hard to not keep track of any of them.

"Livvy, was it? What brings you here?"

"Just came to inform you that you seem like a really shitty father." His jaw dropped, but before he could get a word in, ce continued. "You taught your daughter that what she wants doesn't matter! That's awful! What she wants absolutely matters! She's a person, and a pretty incredible person at that, not just someone you can control to get what you want. That's all, thank you for your time."

Ce spun around, ready to go back to tutoring Della, and instead walked into her.

"What the hell?" she whispered, and Livvy noticed with a start there were tears in her eyes. She all but ran towards the stairs, and ce followed.

"Someone needed to tell him that, and you clearly weren't going to."

"Well... I... thank you."

"Any time." After dropping the eye contact ce'd been holding for longer than was strictly necessary, ce dropped cer gaze to the floor. "I'd better get going... you think you're okay with the bio stuff?"

Della nodded. "Thanks to you. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow." Livvy waved and then immediately proceeded to cringe. "Bye!" ce yelped, leaving as quickly as possible without running. As soon as ce was out the door, ce blurted into the silence "What the fuck?"

___

"Spill the tea," Cyrah demanded, leaning forward and resting her chin on her hands.

"You're all so embarrassing," Livvy whined.

Prentice mimicked Cyrah's pose. "I don't hear you spilling the tea."

In a deadpan, ce said "We kissed."

Cyrah's jaw dropped. "Holy shit!" she shrieked, turning half the heads in the cafeteria.

"Before you left you were freaking out about the prospect of having a conversation with her, did you really work up the nerve to kiss her after that gay panic?" Elwin asked.

Livvy snickered. "No. That did not happen. I just wanted to see Cyrah's face. And it was hilarious, thank you."

"You monster! I trusted you! I-"

"What actually happened?" Prentice interrupted.

"We did hold hands."

"And you didn't faint?"

Ce glared at Tiergan. "No, for your information, I didn't. And then she complimented me! And complimented me again when I tried to deflect it! I don't know how to accept compliments, you guys, what was I supposed to say? So I just kinda coughed and changed the subject. Apparently her father is a dickhead and I yelled at him. She thanked me. Then I left. Is this tea good enough for you?"

"Fantastic, thank you," said Cyrah, nodding.

"Happy to provide you with tales of my lonely gay love life."

___

All week, the memory of Della's hand in cers carried Livvy through the worst of the boring classes, helped by the occasional longing glances in the hallways. It wasn't quite enough for cer, which was why one might think ce would be happy to have Della come back over to cer lunch table, but no. Ce nearly spat out cer lushberry juice. Thank goodness ce didn't. Maybe the universe was a tiny bit on cer side. "What brings you here?" Livvy asked once ce regained the ability to speak.

Della twisted her hands together. "Well, basically, having you really over really helped a lot last time and I was wondering if that would be something you'd be willing to do again? Maybe tomorrow afternoon? I mean, you totally don't have to if you don't want to, but... I think it would be nice. Sorry." It had never crossed Livvy's mind that this could be nerve wracking for Della, too. Probably not because she found cer pretty or anything, but maybe Della just wasn't the type to like asking for help.

"Yeah sure I'd love to," Livvy blurted, earning a smooth from Prentice. Ce flipped him off.

"Great!"

"I'll have to ask my parents for sure, I guess I'll hail you once I find a time that works?"

Della nodded. "See you soon!"

Staring at the rest of the group and pointedly not staring at Della as she walked away, Livvy hissed "What am I going to do?" No one had an answer then, nor did they have an answer the next day when ce demanded to meet up at Rochellevé Coffee to ramble about a certain pretty Vacker, for thirty minutes gay. Everyone was being entirely unhelpful. Livvy slammed cer hands on the table. “What am I supposed to say to her!?”

“Tell her everything you’ve screamed at us this last half hour,” Tiergan offered, xyr focus mostly on his coffee.

That was the most embarrassing scenario imaginable. “No!”

“Fine, then I’ll tell her, I’m sure she’ll find it adorable.”

“If you do that, I will actually kill you.”

Tiergan only shrugged.

Throwing him a disapproving look, Cyrah said “We won’t tell her how cute you get panicking yet, but it’d be a great story to tell at your wedding.”

”At our- what? We won’t- what?!”

Cyrah scoffed. “Please. You guys will totally start dating and I look forward to shoving popcorn into my mouth as it happens.”

Throwing cer hands up, Livvy declared “I hate you all.”

Elwin smiled. “We love you too, Dr. Lesbian.”

”If you want actual advice,” Prentice cut in before Livvy could keep yelling at cer dumbass friends. “Try complimenting her hair. And give her candy.”

”You sure?”

”Well, considering I’m the only person here who a, likes girls and b, is not laughing at you, you kind of have no choice but to listen to me.”

Ce sighed. “I hate it when you’re right.”

“Luckily, it’s a pretty rare occurrence,” said Tiergan, grinning.

Prentice spun around to face him. “Okay, first of all, fuck you-”

”Want to buy her some prattles?” Elwin interrupted.

”Does she like prattles?”

”Does anyone not like prattles?”

Livvy considered. “Good point, I’ll go buy some.”

At the checkout desk, the woman working took a glance at cer purchase and smiled. “Good luck with this girl.” Ce flamed bright red and snatched the candy, nearly sprinting away. Behind cer, Elwin chuckled.

“Good luck with this girl,” they repeated, giving a thumbs up. Livvy sighed and started on cer way to Della’s house.

___

Della opened the door and waved cer in frantically. “I don’t think my father would be thrilled to see you, so hurry up.”

“I’m surprised he let me come back.”

“Yeah, he didn’t want me to invite my ‘rude friend’ over, but I need the help in bio and he knows it, so I got him to agree. Come on, let’s get to my room.”

Livvy sat on the desk rather than the chair, as queers do, and dug around in cer pockets. “I have prattles for when we finish, so let’s try to learn this shit quickly.”

“You’ve inspired me to work hard,” Della said solemnly, and sat quietly save for a few questions as Livvy rattled off every fact ce knew about the elf immune system. There were a lot. “You seem super enthusiastic about this,” she said finally, when Livvy paused for air.

Ce blushed. “Sorry.”

“No, you don’t need to apologize, it’s nice. So.” She glared at her worksheet, spinning the pencil around graceful fingers. Livvy would definitely drop it if ce tried that, but she made it look easy. Her tongue poked out from the corner of her mouth as she scribbled something down. Livvy had to remind cerself not to stare at her mouth. “White blood cells, wooo,” she cheered, voice monotone.

“Hey, white blood cells are important!"

“Yeah, but they’re giving me a headache right now.”

“Just think of the candy, that’ll get you through.” Ce thought back to cer mortifying conversation with cer friends. “Your hair looks nice, by the way.” Which was definitely the truth, with the braid she’d put it in and the light glinting off of it.

Della’s eyes widened. “Oh! Thanks!”

Nailed it.

She only needed to ask Livvy one question before scribbling her last answer with a flourish and slamming her pencil down. “Finished! Give me those prattles!”

With a laugh, ce handed one over and took one for cerself. “Enjoy, you’ve earned it.”

As she took a small bite, her face melted to a satisfied smile. It seemed Livvy- or Elwin, ce supposed, they deserved most of the credit- was right in assuming she liked prattles. Livvy ate cer own, smiling just as wide. When they both finished, they looked at their pins. "A tomple, not bad," Della said. "What’s you get?” Livvy showed her. “Holy shit- you got a unicorn! I would kill to have one of those!”

“I’ll trade you,” Livvy offered. Before the words came out, ce had no idea they would, but ce didn’t regret them. Especially once ce saw the delight sparkling in Della’s eyes.

“Really?! You’d do that?”

Ce nodded. “Yeah, I have one already, so it’s no big deal. And considering the ungodly amount of these things I eat, I’ll get another soon enough.”

“Wow, I… thank you!” She scooped it up from cer palm, causing cer to freeze as their skin made contact. Then the moment, if it could really be called that, vanished, and ce took the tomple pin from Della.

“Yeah, no problem! I’m guessing it would be received well if I brought prattles again when I came by next week?”

The smile on her face was answer enough before Della said “I’d like that.”

Ce didn’t want to leave, not quite yet. So ce searched for conversation to fill the silence. Eventually cer mind settled on “How come you didn't ask Lady Erica for help? Not that I mind tutoring you, but it seems like she'd be better at it."

"Honestly, she kind of scares me."

Livvy barked a laugh. "Same. But how come I don't scare you? I'll have you know that I am very intimidating."

"You're not intimidating, you're pretty cute."

What came out of Livvy's mouth was unclear. Maybe a squeak? Ce would prefer not to talk about it. So, trying very very hard not to read too much into that cute and get cer hopes up, ce cracked cer knuckles and said "Excuse me! I am terrifying. Quinlin tried to kiss me once and I punched him in the face. Broke his nose. Now he hides behind Alden whenever he sees me. I am badass."

"That is pretty badass," Della agreed, and ce couldn't help blushing at the amazement her voice held. "Not a fan of people trying to kiss you, huh?"

And ce couldn't stop cerself. "Not a fan of boys trying to kiss me. If a pretty girl asked, I would say yes in a heartbeat." A moment after realizing what ce just said, ce pointedly looked anywhere other than the pretty girl she would say yes in a heartbeat if asked to kiss. "I think I have to get home, bye!" Ce could not get out of there fast enough. (Ce wanted to go back.)

___

The next day at lunch, Cyrah demanded to know “What happened this time?”

“Well… I told her I like girls.” Elwin held their hand up for a high five, and ce obliged. “And about that time I punched Quinlin. She looked impressed.”

“It was impressive,” Prentice agreed.

Tiergan smiled fondly. “Alden looked just about ready to kill you, though, for hurting his boyfriend.”

“They’re not dating,” said Elwin.

“I mean… they’re not not dating.”

In an uncanny imitation of Alden's voice, Prentice said “Of course they’re not dating, Tiergan, they’re just cognates! It’s not gay if you’re cognates!”

“Making out with a guy seems pretty gay.”

Livvy grinned. “What if they say no homo first?”

Cyrah held her fingers close. “It’s a little homo.”

"What's a little homo?" Della said, sliding into the seat beside Livvy. Ce froze. "Livvy?"

"For your information, I'm more than a little homo," ce corrected.

Tiergan held up his hand at what had to be a mockery of cer five feet and two inches. "Well, in terms of height... you're a very little homo."

"Fuck you!"

"What's that? It's hard to hear you from all the way up here."

Everyone laughed, including Elwin- barely two inches taller than cer!- who at least had the decency to give cer a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. It became harder to hate all cer friends when ce noticed the mirth shining in Della's eyes, something ce wanted to see again and again and again. The conversation shifted around, from annoying mentors to whether Fintan and Bronte had dated; the verdict was a unanimous yes. It was impressive, how Della managed to slide into the group so effortlessly that ce was surprised to remember it hadn't always been this way.

"Thanks for letting me sit with you guys," said Della, as they stood to file back to classes. "I'm having kind of a fight with my usual crowd, so..." she shrugged.

"Yeah, no problem- you're welcome to sit with us whenever."

Ce didn't really expect Della to take cer up on that offer. But she did, sitting at their table more and more until it was nearly every day. To the point where Livvy's mother brought up celebrating the end of midterms with cer friends, and somehow, Della found her way on that list without cer even thinking about it at all. Ce was friends with Della Vacker; this information would absolutely stun the Livvy from two months ago, who could barely hold a conversation with her.

They were friends now, and that should have been good enough. It was incredible! Still, cer idiot lesbian of a self couldn't stop wondering, what if...

___

Midterms were over, finally, and Livvy was sorting through cer gifts; frog earrings from Elwin, a book of Sappho poetry from Tiergan, a camera from Prentice, and colorful beaded necklaces from Cyrah. Ce bit cer lip, hoping Della liked the earrings (not of the frog variety) Livvy got for her. Handwritten notes and a small gift weren't exactly the open declaration of love the butterflies in cer stomach seemed to think it was. Still... it felt like telling her that ce cared, maybe more than ce let on.

Like daydreaming thinking about Della had somehow summoned her, she appeared by cer side and nearly yelled "Livvy! Livvy, I got an A on the biology midterm!" There was no thinking involved, not even a hint of awareness as to what ce was doing, but ce cheered and leaned over to kiss Della on the cheek.

Her eyes widened.

Oh, shit, was the first coherent thought in cer head as ce realized what ce'd just done. "Um, congratulations! I gotta go thank Elwin for my gift!" Ce leapt up and ran over to them, nearly dragging them into the corner of a mostly empty hallway and screaming "Elwin, I kissed Della on the cheek!"

"Um... congratulations?"

Livvy sighed. They just didn't understand the terrible predicament this put cer in! Ce tried to explain. "No, this is bad. This is very bad. It's going to make everything so awkward between us, as if I hadn't made every conversation awkward enough already!"

"You'll be fine, Livvy," they said, giving cer what was probably meant to be a comforting smile.

"I guess." Ce sighed again. "Thank you for the frog earrings, by the way."

"I thought you'd like them. Thanks for the stuffed llama."

They grinned, and ce grinned back, and at least ce had a few weeks to avoid the crushing awkwardness of interacting with Della. The awkwardness returned as soon as ce got back from break, when Cyrah immediately asked "So, how's Delivvy going?"

Tiergan raised an eyebrow. "What is a Delivvy? Is that like a Tiertice?" Prentice turned bright red as Elwin muffled a snicker, and Livvy breathed a sigh of relief. If they were all laughing at Tiergan, they couldn't laugh at cer for how absolutely head over heels ce was for Della. Not that anything had happened. They'd called one another a few times, and ce'd even invited Della over for dinner once- to cer dismay, cer parents were hopelessly embarrassing- but their friendship was firmly in the platonic stage.

Cyrah rolled her eyes. "Our idiot friends aside, anything juicy to tell us?"

"Nothing juicy."

"Oh, make a move on her already."

"It's not my fault she's terrifying! Stop bothering me!"

"Ugh, but bothering you is so fun."

"Fuck off."

Elwin, apparently done teasing the other idiot gays, turned to Livvy and said "Have you told Cyrah about... what happened right after midterms?"

"I may or may not have kissed her on the cheek," ce muttered, looking firmly at the floor.

Cyrah gasped. "And then?"

"I ran away and screamed to Elwin."

"You disappoint me."

Yeah, Livvy was also disappointed, because maybe if ce'd stuck around a little longer something could have happened... or maybe it would have been awful. It probably would have been awful. Running away was completely the right decision. Della was scary, and crushes were scary, and Livvy should definitely keep running away.

___

"I'm filling out my matchmaking packet."

Dread settled into Livvy's stomach. "Oh?"

Somehow, Della didn't pick up on quite how loaded that oh was. "Would you be willing to come hang out with me while I figure it out? It sounds pretty boring and I could use a friend."

"Sure," ce said, although ce could not imagine a worse hell. And what a hell it was! Della brought out a stack of papers that looked thicker than cer history textbook, and that was seriously saying something. And every page of them asked about what kind of boys Della liked. Boys, boys, boys. Of course it was boys. And ce knew that their system was painfully straight, and that she was painfully pressured into following the system, but this... this felt too real.

from: dr lesbian

to: dr aro

GIRL HELP DELLAS FILLING OUT HER MATCHMAKING PACKET

from: dr aro

to: dr lesbian

am not girl cannot help

from: dr lesbian

to: dr aro

SERIOUSLY

THIS IS PAINFUL DJFSKJDSKDS

she's gonna marry a boy </3

from: dr aro

to: dr lesbian

that really sucks

i'm sorry

would a picture of an otter help?

from: dr lesbian

to: dr aro

ofc!!!

And it did bring a smile to cer face. But the smile fell quickly as Della asked "It's telling me to say what I find most attractive in men- I don't know what I find most attractive in men!"

"You think I'm any help?" ce tried to joke. "I'm not even attracted to men."

Della sighed. "I don't know. I guess... a sense of humor. And caring about me, and being willing to stand up for me." Her eyes flicked over to Livvy, before quickly shooting down to her paper. "I don't know. This doesn't seem romantic at all. They're just trying to check off boxes, and when I fall in love, I want it to be a little more... intimate." It was Livvy's turn to sneak a glance at her. Ce wanted to reach out and rest a hand on top of Della's. That was the worst possible thing ce could do right now. "Anyway. I guess I'll just come back to this part."

She kept flipping through. Ce kept keyboard smashing at Elwin. Finally, Della stood up. "I'm ready turn this in? Want to come with me to Atlantis?" And Livvy nodded. Some dumb part of cer brain got excited, and ce had to shut it down by remind cerself that this wasn't a date, this wasn't even close to a date, this was going with Della as she got matched with a boy and married him and not Livvy.

"This is exciting, huh?" ce said, trying not to let cer voice reveal just how very not excited ce felt.

"I guess." If Della was trying to make her voice not reveal how not excited she felt, she had just failed miserably. "Do you want to do this? Go through matchmaking, and everything?"

The thought simply did not compute in cer head, and just saying no didn't feel like enough, but ce did so anyway. "Do you?"

Della sighed. "I'm turning mine in right now, Livvy."'

"That's not a yes."

"I know it's not a yes, dammit!" She shoved it into the matchmaker's hand and walked away before Livvy can respond. How would ce even have responded? Could ce have talked Della out of doing this, maybe? Even if it was for selfish reasons, this wasn't what Della wanted either. But ce didn't think of anything wise to say, and Della had turned in her packet and left. The next day, she apologized for snapping, but refused to let Livvy bring it up again.

Which was good. The less ce thought about Della getting married to anyone that wasn't cer, the better.

___

It was the night of Della's winnowing gala, and Livvy was definitely not listening to sad music while imagining what it would be like to attend, to twirl Della around. Nope, not at all. Della was choosing a husband, and Livvy was perfectly fucking fine. Ce tried distracting cerself with whatever ce could- listening to Tiergan ramble about human music, helping Elwin decide which of two new stuffed animals to buy (the stegosaurus, obviously), and none of it fucking worked because ce was still thinking about Della.

Ce had finally decided to go to bed and wallow in cer misery, when the doorbell rang.

"Who the fuck is here this late?" ce muttered, glancing in the mirror to fix cerself up into "totally wasn't just having an unrequited lesbianism related breakdown" before scrambling downstairs to answer, and it was- it was Della, makeup smudged, hair out of place, bags under her eyes.

"Can I sleep over here tonight?"

Yes, ce wanted to say, but- "I'll have to check with my parents." They said yes, thankfully, and the pair went up to Livvy's room. Although ce knew full well this was a dangerous minefield to navigate and the answer would probably hurt, but ce couldn't resist asking, "How'd it go?

"My feet hurt like hell. Those shoes..." Della pulled a face. "As for the boys, my parents want me to marry Alden."

"Alden? Ugh, he's so annoying." And also gay for Quinlin, but ce didn't say that.

Della shrugged, "He's alright. And like I said, my parents really want us to get together."

"And you? Do you want that?"

For a long time, she said nothing. Then, finally- "I want to make my parents happy."

Wherever the fuck Lord and Lady Vacker were, Livvy wanted to go yell at them again. Or let cer fist do the talking. "I wish you would stop letting them control your li-"

"Can we just drop it? Please?" Something about the look in her eyes made Livvy agree, against cer better judgement. The conversation drifted to hair, to fashion, to classes. Anything easy and meaningless. Eventually, they settled down for the night, and Livvy played the more serious part of their conversation over again in cer head. Ce rolled over.

"You deserve to make yourself happy too," ce said to Della's back. She didn't respond. Maybe she was already asleep.

___

"Alden's thinking of proposing," Della said, lying on the grass.

She didn't make eye contact with Livvy, who sat bolt upright and exclaimed "He's what now?" For a moment, ce tried to imagine it. Della in a white dress, looking ethereal, holding a bouquet. Alden in a tuxedo, not a hair out of place, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. The two of them settling into a nice, normal, perfect picture of an elvin family. Ce imagined Della smiling at the wedding, the smile not quite reaching her eyes.

"I overheard him talking with Quinlin about it."

"Guess the surprise is ruined, then." It was too easy to keep a smile on cer face, play the role of a supportive best friend.

Della sat up and finally looked at Livvy. "I don't mind. It's nice to have a heads up, I suppose, so I don't have to decide on the spot."

This time, Livvy was the one to look away. "What are you going to say? Do you think?"

"I don't know. Probably yes. I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with him."

"Wouldn't mind," ce repeated. "How romantic. Do you really want to marry Alden? I've seen you look at a half-burnt ripplefluff with more love in your eyes than when you look at him, that can't be how you really want your future to look. What do you want? Who do you want?"

"You," Della whispered, and a tear slipped down her cheek. "Dammit, Livvy, I've wanted you all along."

This had to be a daydream. This had to be a daydream. Because Della was cer friend, and had been for a long time, but she'd never shown any indication of living a life outside of what heteronormative elvin society wanted. Livvy? Livvy was not what heteronormative elvin society wanted. And yet... and yet, there wasn't a trace of anything less than honesty written across Della's face, and this was real. Somehow, this was real. So ce reached out to take her hand. "I didn't think there was a hell you could want me back, not like... that."

"Well, you are a dumb lesbian."

Ce breathed a laugh. "That I am." Della stayed silent a moment longer. Never looking away from Livvy's eyes save for when her gaze slipped down to cer lips and then back up, no longer than a second. Livvy broke the silence with an unplanned, but long overdue, "Can I kiss you?"

She nodded.

And ce did. Ce kissed her.

___

Della had been avoiding cer. For a week. Livvy was going to murder her. If ce didn't die first, because cer lungs really disagreed with chasing after Della this fast for this long. Raindrops splattered against cer face and puddles splashed as ce stomped into them. "Della!" No response. "Della! You can't avoid me forever! Why won't you fucking talk to me?"

She finally stopped running and turned to face Livvy. Damp hair clung to her forehead, and Livvy had the odd urge to move it away for her. "Because if I come back and talk to you, I'm not sure I'll have the strength to leave you again."

"Why do you even want to leave me!"

"I don't! Livvy, it's never been about what I want. You know that. We've both known that for a long time."

Ce didn't know if that was a tear or a raindrop on cer face, and ce didn't particularly care. "I thought you might want me enough to change your mind about that."

"You thought wrong." Della groaned as the sky behind her thundered. "We can't... we can't be together. Not like this. I wish we could, but... we can't."

"Okay," Livvy said simply, and ran back in the other direction before Della could see cer crying.

___

A knock sounded on cer door. "Liv?" came Elwin's voice.

"Do you have more ice cream?"

"I don't, no."

Ce scowled. "Then go away!"

"I do have a gift."

"I don't give a shit."

"It's rainbow."

That got cer attention. "Fine. Come in."

Their eyes widened as they walked inside. "Wow. You look..."

"Like shit, I know." Ce sniffed. "This whole thing is shitty."

"It is. I'm sorry. But I brought you something to try and make this a little bit less shitty. Meet your emotional support stuffed animal, Natasha the Narwhal." They brought their hand out from behind their back. Sure enough, they had a stuffed narwhal, and it was rainbow. It did make this a little bit less shitty. Livvy took it gratefully and hugged it to cer chest.

As Elwin sat on the bed next to cer, ce began sobbing again. "She just- she just fucking broke up with me! We were barely even together and she broke up with me and now she's gonna marry Alden, of all people, because she's not willing to take the risk of being with me and she's barely even speaking to me and we can't be together and it's just- it's all awful, Elwin."

Wrapping cer in a hug, they agreed "It's fucking awful."

___

"I can't believe you're going through with this," Livvy said. In another world, this moment could have been beautiful. Della in her white dress and veil, bouquet in her hand. Livvy wearing a suit and tie, rainbow beads woven into cer hair. If ce was the one set to marry her in an hour, this scene would have been something out of a fairy tale. But now? It was something out of a nightmare. "I can't believe you're going to marry him."

Della sighed. "I don't want to fight right now. It's my wedding, Livvy, can't you at least pretend to be happy for me?"

Ce probably could pretend, but ce didn't want to. Instead, ce took a step closer, noticing the way Della flinched at how close their faces were. Her grip around the flowers were so tight her knuckles had nearly turned white, posture rigid. "I would be happy for you if you were happy. Is this making you happy?"

"Yes. I'm happy."

The pause she took before answering was barely noticeable, but it told Livvy a lot. Della's gaze didn't quite meet cers, eyes downcast and sorrowful. Her voice trembled and went up an octave. Livvy stared as Della shuffled her feet. Finally, ce said "You're a damn terrible liar."

As though she'd been slapped, Della stepped backwards. "I-"

"Della, I wish you the best, but I can't watch you make yourself miserable to make someone else happy. So I'm gonna... I'm gonna go. Give Alden my congratulations." Before seeing her reaction, ce spun around, trying to hide the tears spilling out. "Goodbye." If Della responded, Livvy didn't stick around long enough to hear it, nearly running in cer need to get out of here, get out, get out. Between sobbing and not paying any attention to cer surroundings, ce did not notice Quinlin just ahead of cer.

“Are you okay?” he asked, stepping to the side just before ce could slam into him. Livvy knew ce had to look a mess right now, with red puffy eyes and fire burning in cer clenched fists. Quinlin didn’t look much better, with tears glistening in his own eyes. The absurdity of the situation almost made cer laugh- two pining gay fools, in love with someone who loved them back but refused to act on it.

”Fan-fucking-tastic,” Livvy replied, trying to force cer breathing into some semblance of normal. “You?”

Quinlin sighed. “He’s my best friend. I should be celebrating with him.”

”You love him,” ce said. It wasn’t a question.

”Against my better judgement. I try to be content with where our relationship is right now, as cognates, but I can’t help wanting…” His voice trailed off and he swiped at his eyes. “You understand. I’ve seen the way you look at Della.”

Despite cerself, ce smiled. “You’d have to be blind not to.”

After a beat of silence, the question flew out of nowhere. “Do you want to get married?”

“What?”

Slumping against the wall, Quinlin buried his face in his hands. “It’s not a terrible idea. After all, neither of us will be able to marry the people we truly love. People ask too many questions if we don’t marry anyone eventually, and at least this way we won’t be leading anyone on.” As much as ce hated to admit it, he had a point. But… could ce really do that? Without vomiting? Livvy didn’t know, and Quinlin seemed to sense cer confusion. “You don’t have to decide anything right away. Just… think about it. In the meantime, I hope you get through tonight without making yourself sick on ice cream.”

”I probably will. It’s the only coping mechanism I know.”

“I should try it.”

Livvy smiled again and walked away, before pausing. “Quinlin?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I am too.”

___

As one does when they're heartbroken and yearning, Livvy threw cerself into work, trying to really earn the Doctor in Dr. Lesbian. That kept cer thoughts occupied enough with diseases and injuries and elixirs that they were less occupied by Della. Finally, cer mentors considered cer adept enough to truly become a doctor, and job interviews started. Job interviews, Livvy decided, were the worst thing to exist.

Ce rattled off cer qualifications, greatest strengths (quick thinking in stressful situations that didn't involve cute girls) and biggest weaknesses (cute girls, but ce said it was prioritizing different tasks). What ce did not expect to be asked was about cer match status. The aforementioned quick thinking in stressful situations came in handy.

"Oh! Um. Yeah, I haven't been matched with anyone yet since I was trying to focus on my studies, but I was planning to register soon." Was ce planning to register soon? As of two seconds ago. That counted as a plan.

The interviewer nodded. "I see. Well, it's very important that elves in a noble profession such as this one are good matches."

Why did ce want to be a doctor again?

"Especially if you plan to work with children as your resume states, I know many parents would not want their children seeing a physician whose relationships..." He gestured vaguely. "Deviate from the norm."

Apparently Livvy gave off the impression that ce was queer. With the rainbow beads, frog earrings, and leg thrown over the arm of the chair? Who could have predicted. Thoughts swirling to fix this mess, that apparently being cerself would make cer dream job much harder, ce searched for a solution. When it finally hit cer, it was obvious. But oh, not something ce wanted to do, not at all. When ce was finally dismissed from the interview, ce grabbed cer imparter, pulled a face, and said "Show me Quinlin."

___

Livvy Sonden got married.

It wasn't a fairy tale wedding, didn't even give off that facade like Della's. No, this was as unromantic as possible. Livvy and Quinlin coordinated to make their match packets indicate the other, and both ended up on each list. So, they went to the matchmaker's office again, go the papers signed, and then they were legally married. How wonderful.

"Congratulations," Della said, the first word she'd spoken after a month of Livvy artfully avoiding her.

"What?"

"I heard you got married."

It was hardly something to congratulate, but Livvy nodded. "I did."

"Ironic, after you yelled at me at my wedding for... what was it? Making myself miserable to make someone else happy?"

Ce should have known she'd bring this up. Livvy sighed and rubbed cer temples. "I married Quinlin for the legal protections. I don't love him, and I'm not pretending I do or deluding myself into thinking I can have the nice heterosexual family the world wants me to have. Our disinterest is mutual. And besides, you chose to make yourself miserable. I was already miserable, so I might as well get tax benefits. It's not like marrying the person I love was an option for me, not after someone took that option away."

Too late, ce realized ce had just told Della ce loved her. This wasn't exactly a sort of romantic confession.

"Well..." Della cleared her throat. "I brought you a gift. Congratulations on the tax benefits, I suppose."

She walked away. Livvy didn't stop her.

___

Prentice was gone, and everything was awful, and Tiergan's Beatles doorbell was ringing, and Livvy was going to murder Alden Vacker. "Fuck off!" ce yelled, swinging the door open to reveal... Della. "Oh! It's you. Never mind."

"Who did you think I was?"

"Your husband. He's been here three times already, trying to apologize and 'make amends,' like anything could possibly replace..."

Della cut cer off. "I'm sorry. I know this obviously isn't amends or a replacement or anything, but I really just want to help in whatever tiny, meaningless way I can, so... I brought you mallowmelt." She held out a container and Livvy took it, thanking her. "How is everyone holding up?"

"About the same," Livvy said, which was to say, fucking horribly.

"I'm sorry," Della said again.

"How is Alden's nose doing?"

"Almost entirely healed."

How dare he be almost healed, when everything else was so broken? Cer grip on the mallowmelt tightened. "Tiergan should have fucked his face up worse," ce muttered.

"I agree." They fell silent, and Della's posture turned rigid, feet shuffling. "Livvy, I have to ask... are you involved with that group Prentice worked with? The Black Swan?"

Panic shot through cer; anger along with it. Ce snapped, "Why do you ask? Reporting back to your husband, so you can destroy our family even more?"

Della took a step back. "No! I wouldn't do that, Livvy, I promise. I- Liv, if you are working with them, and you don't have to tell me, but you have to stop. Stop working with them immediately. After what happened to Prentice, I just- rebellion is dangerous, and I just don't want you to get hurt." How ironic, from the girl who took cer heart and shattered it.

"You don't get to talk. You've already hurt me." With that, Livvy slammed the door shut.

___

Ce wasn’t sure why ce decided to come to Everglen with Quinlin. Talking to Della sounded painful, so why the hell would ce go to her house? Did ce want some semblance of closure? Maybe there was something in Livvy that wanted to be her friend again, wanted… this was a bad idea, and Livvy knew it was a bad idea, but here ce was, behind Quinlin as he rang the doorbell.

Alden answered. “Quinlin!” The look of terror as Quinlin was attacked by a hug and nearly lifted off his feet made Livvy laugh. “And Livvy, hello.”

Ce glared at him and deadpanned “Nice nose you got there, it sure would be a shame if something were to happen to it.”

He backed away from cer. “Again, I am truly sorry about-“

”Whatever. Is Della home?”

”Upstairs, first room on the right.”

Livvy nodded, wiggled cer eyebrows at Quinlin- who still had his arms around Alden and flushed when he saw- and took the stairs two at a time. Only after standing still outside Della’s room for a solid thirty seconds did ce realize that hurrying was a stupid idea. And it was stupid to stand here frozen, afraid. Ce knocked. “Della?”

”Livvy? What are you doing here?”

”Quinlin wanted to stop by and do some… paperwork with Alden. I figured we should talk.”

“I owe you an apology.”

Livvy snorted. “No shit, Sherlock.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you did.”

Sitting down on the bed, Della curled her knees to her chest. Livvy sat down next to her, the distance between them only am excruciating couple of inches. Her voice cracked as she said “I know. Fuck, I know you still got hurt, and I wish you didn’t. I never meant for… any of this to happen. I thought we could just be friends and I wouldn’t like you the way I shouldn’t. Because I’d already resigned myself to the fact that I would marry a man someday and I wouldn’t be happy but being around you… it made me stupid. It made me forget that. So when I fell back to reality, I made you come crashing down with me, and I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t have to make us come crashing down. We could have stayed like that. We could have been happy, but you chose to ruin it.”

“I didn’t have a choice!”

Livvy glared. “Of course you had a choice!”

“You don’t fucking get it!” Della screamed, jumping to her feet.

Deathly quiet, Livvy said “Then explain it to me.”

“Your parents are- your parents are wonderful. They love you. They don’t love you if or love you as long as or love you until. They love you, and they make you happy and you make them happy. I’m glad you have that, but that’s not how things are for me. When I told my parents I liked girls, they told me I had to stop. That Vackers couldn’t be gay. I want to be with you, but you can’t always fucking get what you want.”

Their hands were clasped. When did that happen? Livvy didn’t let go, even though ce knew ce should. Instead, ce laced their fingers together like they were still kids running and laughing through empty hallways and whispered “You deserve to get what you want.”

Della was the one to let go, reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose. “No. I don’t.”

“Del-"

“I think you should go. I’m sorry, but whatever we might have had… it can’t happen.”

Livvy walked to the door and leaned cer head against it. “I know.”

“Can we still be friends?”

“I think so. I need time.”

“Okay. I understand.”

“Goodbye, Della.”

The step ce took out the door was the hardest movement ce’d ever had to make. Unconvinced ce wouldn't lose this battle with cerself and turn back if given the opportunity, ce took off running, down the stairs, out the door, running away from Della, away from heartbreak, not running fast enough.

___

Their friendship was... awkward, to say the least. It was hard to look Della in the eye, now, and ce had a sneaking suspicion she was avoiding cer gaze too. Every interaction was filled with foot tapping and nervous glances at the clock, a pitiful shadow of the easy friendship they used to have. Other than when Livvy came along with Quinlin to visit Everglen, they almost never spoke, and even then, they spent most of their time baking side by side, in silence, or talking with the kids. The kids were nice; Alvar first, then Fitz and Biana. Della had a husband and three children and looked like the perfect picture of a happy family. She looked happy. But Livvy knew her, or at least thought ce did, and she wasn't happy.

They ran into each other from time to time, and occasionally caught up over coffee in Atlantis. But nothing was like it was before, and Livvy hated it.

When Alden's mind broke, the thought crossed cer mind, that ce should go to Everglen and be there for Della. Offer Natasha the Narwhal and cer shoulder to cry on. But that was something a best friend would do, and they weren't best friends anymore. Acquaintances, at best, and it felt like a punch to the gut when ce remembered... Della wanted to grieve with her family. Livvy was not a part of her family.

Ce left her alone.

"Hey, Dr. Lesbian!" Blur, the first to notice cer walking into Alluveterre, said. "How's it going?"

"Well, Alden is over at our house for some... cognate training, so I decided I'd give them a bit of privacy for their totally-not-gay-not-if-we're-cognate shenanigans." Ce sighed and shook cer head.

The group laughed, and Tiergan shook his head along with cer. "Well, now that you're here, there's probably something we should tell you. We've got a new addition to the Black Swan, and... well, it's Della Vacker. She's here. Don't kill me. If you're going to kill someone for allowing this, kill Forkle." Forkle gave xem an incredulous look, and it would have been funny any other time. Currently, Livvy was busy going through ten different emotions in the span of a second. Shock. Anger. Excitement.

And panic. A lot of panic. "Della Vacker? As in, Radelle Adara Vacker?"

"Her name is Radelle?" Juline asked.

Livvy, still panicking, didn't answer. "As in, the Della I fell in love with and may or may not still be in love with? That Della?"

"The look on your face," Tiergan chuckled.

"Tiergan, this is not funny! My unresolved lesbian ex is now part of my rebellion group! Tiergan! Stop laughing at me! What do I do?" Continuing to laugh, Tiergan did not listen in the slightest. Livvy huffed and began frantically pacing the room, thinking about what ce would do if- when- ce saw Della. Yell at her? Hug her? Both? Just stand there like a fool? This was immensely frustrating. And if Livvy spent the next few weeks rearranging cer schedule with the Black Swan so as not to interrupt with said unresolved lesbian ex, that was no one's business but cer own.

Finally, when Fitz got stabbed by some sort of venomous bug, ce couldn't avoid Della any longer. Livvy tried very hard not to let the fear in her voice break cer heart as she demanded to see if her son was okay. The door clicked open and Wraith walked in with a teary-eyed Della, saying "It's gonna be okay, Dr. Lesbian will take good care of him."

"I did not agree to that code name!" Forkle called, across the hallway.

"Dr. Lesbian is a fantastic code name!" Livvy yelled back.

It was only when Della said "Livvy?" that ce realized, Forkle had a point about the code name giving cer away.

"Guilty as charged."

Della opened her mouth. Closed it again. Repeated the action. Finally, she settled on "I don't know why I'm surprised."

"Yeah, joining a gay rebel group seems right up my alley." Ce scratched the back of cer neck. "Fitz will be okay. It'll suck for a while, but he'll be okay."

"Are you sure?" Her voice shook, and somehow, that convinced Livvy to reach out and take her hand like the idiot lesbian ce was. Never mind the fact that this would surely make things much, much more awkward in the days to come, and would not do anything to resolve these unresolved feelings, Della was in pain and ce wanted to be there for her.

It definitely did not send butterflies spiraling through when she squeezed cer hand back. "Yeah, I'm sure. I've seen way worse."

"Thank you." She let go of cer hand then, and ce tried not to let disappointment sting cer. "I'll... let you concentrate on saving my son, I guess."

Livvy nodded and got back to work. Finally, when ce was confident that Fitz was not in any immediate danger, ce slumped into the seat beside Della. "I think these dumb kids should stop getting injured. This shit is exhausting. At least Elwin's finally catching a break."

"At least Elwin's finally catching a break," she agreed. "I love your code name, by the way."

"That is not cer code name," insisted Forkle.

"Whatever you say, Loki, Dr. Lesbian is a fantastic name."

Della cracked a small smile. "Ce's right." Livvy smiled back, and considering how awkward ce thought it would be to talk to Della again, in reality, it didn't feel that way at all. It felt like coming home.

___

"I've realized there is a bit of tension between some members of this group," Forkle started.

Livvy cut him off with "Nooo, really?" and pretended not to notice Della's eyes on cer.

Like he hadn't heard, Forkle continued "So I thought it would be a good idea to have some time to bond. Tonight, we will be playing monopoly!"

"You realize that's only going to make us hate each other more," Juline said. Everyone else nodded, and Forkle scowled.

"Just enjoy your game night."

And, somehow, they did. Livvy played banker, causing Blur to accuse cer of cheating and Della to accuse him of being a sore loser. Wraith, who was normally anti-capitalist, decided capitalism was fun if it meant he got to beat Tiergan at monopoly. The group yelled insults and threw pieces at each other and Livvy laughed until cer throat hurt. Ce couldn't remember having this much fun in a... in a really long time.

"Eat the rich!" Della screamed as Livvy counted out cer money.

Juline smirked. "You want to eat Livvy?"

As her face turned bright red, ce could barely breathe through laughter. Ce fell over onto Della's shoulder, gasping for air. "You should see the look on your face," ce managed. Della sighed and shook her head, eyes filled with fondness. When ce could finally breathe, ce stayed on her shoulder, smiling softly and staring at the ceiling. This was... this was nice.

Oh.

Oh shit.

Oh fuck.

"Why am I such an idiot?" Livvy whined as Elwin took a seat, or what passed for a seat among queers, between cer and Tiergan.

"Because this group of people has one brain cell and most of the time, I have it. What's the occasion?"

Resting cer chin in cer palms, ce said "I may or may not still be in love with Della."

"Were you not already aware of this?" Tiergan asked.

"No? I mean, I knew there were some unresolved feelings, but this is... I'm in love in love."

Xe shook his head. "You are... absolutely blind. Did you not... how. How is that possible. Any time she's in a room with you, you don't pay attention to anything except sending her longing glances. Sophie picked up on the fact that there was something going on between you two, do you know how rare that is?"

"Okay, you do not get to lecture me on longing glances sent within this gay rebellion group," Livvy said before letting out a cough that sounded much like Prentice Endal.

"At least I'm aware that I'm gay for him!"

Elwin laughed and said "I'd be concerned if you weren't."

Ce turned to them. "You're the only functional person here! The one with the braincell! Help, what do I do?" They only shrugged in response, and Livvy rubbed cer temples. "Please, Elwin, I am having a gay crisis!"

"When are you not?"

They had a point. Livvy groaned and slumped over onto them. "Della fucking Vacker. Why does my dumb lesbian heart keep liking her? Fuck. I know letter her into my heart means she can break it, and she already has, but- fuck! I'd let her destroy it again if that meant we got to be happily in love first. Why can't I stop being in love with her? This is so fucking annoying."

"More and more I see the wisdom in abandoning romance, collecting stuffed animals, and adopting children," sighed Elwin.

Tiergan nodded. "You are absolutely correct."

"I should try that, but no, Della has to be really hot! How is it even possible for her to be that hot! This is so unfair! Why must I be a stupid lesbian cursed with a goddess of an ex?"

"Yeah, that sucks," said Elwin.

Ce sighed. "No shit."

___

Ce woke to the sound of Juline screaming. "Dr. Lesbian! Get your ass over to Everglen! Della's hurt!" As ce scrambled to get cer supplies together at a speed ce hadn't previously thought was possible, the words echoed, drowning everything else out; Della's hurt, Della's hurt, Della's hurt. Cer Della. Hurt.

"Shit, fuck-" It was a miracle ce didn't break anything, with the number of times Livvy tripped over cer own feet while running into Everglen. "Della! Della!" In cer interview, ce'd prided cerself on quick thinking in stressful situations. But this? This was a stressful situations ce could not think quickly in. Pretty girls were cer only weakness, after all. As ce began tending to the worst of her wounds, a gash just above her hip, Juline filled cer in on the situation. A Neverseen attack. Biana was also hurt, and Elwin was taking care of aer.

Livvy swept a strand of hair out of Della's face, revealing a purple bruise on her chin. "Don't you dare die on me," ce whispered, voice thick with tears.

"Hey," came a quiet voice from behind cer, as ce triple-checked that the cabinet had all the medicines ce thought they'd need. Ce turned around. Elwin. "Liv, you should go... eat. Or get some rest, or really just... anything in the interest of self preservation."

"Absolutely not. I'm busy with Della preservation."

They sighed. "Okay, but when Della wakes and finds out I let you do a shit job taking care of yourself, she's gonna kill me. And she is terrifying."

"She is, isn't she?" Livvy said, a fond smile on cer face.

"Of course that's attractive to you. Allos are weird."

"Damn right. But what makes you think Della would kill you over my shit self care? It's not like she cares about me."

Elwin sighed again, longer this time. "Livvy. Liv. I say this with all the love in my heart, but you are the stupidest person I've ever met."

"Rude!"

"Yeah, but it's true. The whole damn time, she's cared about you so much."

Livvy looked over at Della, still asleep. "If she cared, why did she hurt me?"

"Because she was afraid of how much she loved you."

That made sense, and Livvy was absolutely done talking about this. "I'm gonna go to Kesler's store to restock on some elixirs, okay?"

"Stop running away from your feelings!"

"Absolutely the fuck not!"

Ce tried, ce really did. But the thing about Della was, no matter how much Livvy tried to run, it was damn near impossible to stay away.

___

It was unclear whether ce was asleep, but a soft "Liv?" immediately got cer attention.

"Della!?"

The grin that split her face was, hands down, the most beautiful thing ce had ever seen. "Livvy."

"You- you're okay." Cer hands clapped to cer mouth.

"Okay is debatable. But I'm alive."

Half a laugh, half a sob, bubbled out. "You are. If you died, I would have brought you back just to kill you myself. Never scare me like that again, Radelle Adara Vacker, I was so fucking scared." Livvy reached out and took her hand in cers. "No more almost dying, you promise?"

"I promise."

"I'm gonna hold you to that."

Della's cheeks flushed pink. "Is Biana okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, Elwin's been taking good care of aer."

She nodded, sighing with relief. Tension returned to her shoulders as she struggled to a sitting position and said "There's something I should tell you."

"Okay."

"So, I was planning to tell you... in the ambiguous later. Which might have been code for never, but I thought I would have an eternity to try. After this, though... I guess I might not have an eternity to try. I guess later might not be guaranteed. So. I'm gonna tell you now. Except I'm not, because I'm stalling. Which I should probably stop doing, so, here goes. Livvy, I've been scared of you for... a really long time. At first, I was scared of you because you were really cute and I would get flustered around you. And then I got to know you, and it scared me because... because I knew I wasn't supposed to love you, and I did. And I do."

Almost to cerself, Livvy repeated "And you do." It was impossible to believe, that after everything-

Something in cer heart splintered and came back together, all at once.

Della tugged at the frayed edges of her sleeves. "I'm still scared, I think. But, you know, I've been thinking about mortality and everything, and... if I don't know how much time I have left, I don't want to spend that time living a life I don't even want because I'm too afraid of what I feel for you."

"About time," Livvy said, trying to keep cer voice light, but cer breath caught as ce leaned in closer. Their noses were close to touching.

"So... I'm going to file a match fail with Alden. And then, I might try living the life I actually want."

Ce reaches out, fingers tracing Della's cheek. "And who might that life include?"

"Oh, there's this person I like... ce's a doctor, and ce's so smart but also kind of a disaster. It's cute. Ce doesn't put up with anyone's bullshit, and ce was the first person to tell me that what I wanted mattered. I think ce might have been right. I should probably listen to cer."

"You should."

"I kind of want to kiss cer."

Hardly daring to breathe, Livvy repeated "You should."

The gap between them closed, and Livvy was finally home.

#this was. this was such a labor of love #so proud of this #delivvy #they're my comfort lesbians!!!!! #and look. they got a happy ending. eventually #della vacker #livvy sonden #livvy vacker hehe #ce/cer livvy supremacy #ce is a gay mess <3 #livvy and elwin are lesbian/aroace solidarity fight me #title is from a maine song. obviously #sappho's writing

[ajaxeology]

Before The Year Ends

Hi! This is Sherry. A few of you might recognise me better from my main @shxnosuke and a few from the discord server Liyue Harbor.

I haven't been here for long, but it's been a wild ride with all of you. I've had so many unforgettable moments in Genshinblr and made so many friends. 200 followers isn't as many as a lot of Genshinblrs out there, but I wouldn't have gotten here without any of you. So thank you, whoever that's reading this.

To my mutuals that I didn't mention, I'm sorry that I haven't interacted much. As of late, my online social battery is slowly starting to become similar to my irl social battery (= very low). Plus, I haven't interacted much with you due to my own awkwardness. Either those or I'm still a little too intimidated to mention you. No matter what, I want you to know that I appreciate you being mutuals with me. Next year, I hope I'll be able to find something to chat about with you and get to know you much better.

To my readers, thank you for all your likes, reblogs and notes. It makes me so happy to know that you enjoy my work and I hope that you will continue to enjoy the things I write in the future.

To Childe, Tartaglia, Ajax, ilysm <3

individual messages utc! I'm sorry I'm long-winded 😔 if you don't wanna read it then don't /j (please read it ;_; ). Please don't be pressured to respond to it, I'm grateful to you just for reading it <3. I also apologise for any grammatical errors because I wrote this across a few days and I wrote them all pretty casually.

Dear

My one and only didi Genesis @abyssheart ,

Thank you for being my first follower (that’s why you’re at the top of this whole long mf-ing essay </3 I’m sparing you the agony of scrolling as a first follower privilege HAHA) and being so supportive of me. Thank you for always being so encouraging and understanding towards me as well.

We don’t talk as much anymore but I miss you and I still care very much about you. It’s always fun to talk to you and I remember when I first joined your server, I laughed a lot seeing your conversations. I don’t remember whether you’re back, but I hope that you’re having fun on your roadtrip!

I love your writing very much (I still have the screenshot from the 100 follower matchup you did forme in my favourites, if you didn’t know ;>). I hope that you find joy from writing as much as I do from reading what you write. Ilysm and looking forward to your writings in 2022 <3

My beloved meimei J @yeetmeoffjueyunkarst ,

I don’t know if you will see this, but when you do, I want you to know that I’m so thankful for you. You are one of my first friends in Genshinblr and you will always be my beloved sister. I may not have seen the whole thing, but I know for a fact that you’ve grown into a better person from when I first met you. Just so you know, there are things that I look up to you for and things that I’ve learnt from you as well.

Thank you for listening to me talk about bullshit and listening to me talk about the two series that I haven’t even freaking started.

We both know it’s going to be difficult next year, but I will be here for you whenever you need it. Literally anything and I’ll see what I can do for you. I’ll miss you but I’m happy that you’ve found things that you want to work towards. Remember that I’m always rooting for you and I want you to be happy.

For 2022, I wish you courage and strength to push through the year. I hope that even with the hardships, you’ll be able to have moments and events that’ll make you happy, no matter how little. Ily <3

My lovely mei Sarah @almondoufu ,

I used to think to myself, “HAH, wouldn’t it be funny if I made a friend online by helping them with homework?”. To think that it actually happened and you’ve become one of my closest online friends even though we didn’t talk as much HAHA. Thank you so much for allowing me to become friends with one of the best Genshin writers (YOU BTW) and checking in on me when I was having my exams.

I check up on your blog every now (well definitely not because I want to know how you’re doing). I recently came across an ask where you said, “go easy on yourself. coming from me it’s a bit hypocritical since i’m a perfectionist, but the way to get better at writing is to practice. so if your first fifty works are terrible, that doesn’t matter bc it’s all practice for the things you’ll write and be proud of later”. And well damn I saved it down bc I always feel shit about my writing and yk that really helped me.

You know that letter you posted before the New Years? I read it and I almost teared up. I’m so happy for you that you became someone that you wanted to be. I’m so proud of being able to know you, a person who overcame all her difficulties and grew into a person she liked. I may be older than you, but you’ve grown so much more than me and there’s so much I can learn from you.

Have a wonderful year ahead from your jie and ilysm. I hope that 2022 will be a year that you envision it to be :>

Ball of Sunshine Meimei Jia @ohmykazuha ,

You’re a huge blessing to the Genshinblr community and we are so lucky to have you. I’m so thankful for all the positivity and love you give to the community, as well as the events that you do.

I really look up to how you always do your best, how you’re so sweet and how you’re so optimistic. At this point of writing, it hit me that I haven’t really interacted much with you personally. I hope that in the next year, we’ll be able to chat more.

Whenever you feel overwhelmed, I want you to know that I’ve got your back and I’m rooting for you. Remember to give yourself a breather at times and have sufficient rest okay. When looking out for all of us, don’t forget to look out for yourself. And always remember the first line of this paragraph.

Thank you for being my mei. Ilysm, I hope that you have a wonderful, fantabulous 2022 that you deserve <3

The Barbara to my Jean Angie @yuezhong ,

In a good way, I don’t even know where to start *keyboard smashes*. I don’t think I really stand out in the sea of people from Genshinblr and it’s no one’s fault. But you make me feel remembered. Whenever there’s an ask game, you tag me most of the time, if not, always. It’s a really little thing, but I want you to know that I appreciate it so much.

I love getting tiktoks from you. I’m sorry that I’m terrible at responding, but I want you to know that I appreciate you so much for sending them. I seriously wish my fyp had more Zhongli content for me to share to you, but it’s getting more messed up on it’s own smh. I’m getting less Genshin content there I get annoyed with my fyp, but you always send me the Childe stuff I want to see.

Thank you for being so encouraging during my exam period and looking out for me.

I think you already know this, but I want you to know that you can always hit me up. Anything. Even if you just want to say something about Zhongli? Yes.

For being so sweet, you deserve a wonderful and fulfilling 2022 and I wish that your year will be so.

Big Deal™️ Mint @sohyuki ,

Idc, ur a Big Deal to me bc I remember the time my dash was filled with people accusing you of being a Childe kisser (and it was fuNNY)!!!

We haven’t interacted much, but from the few interactions we had, thank you for being so easy to talk to! I’m really happy whenever I see you on dash. Just so you know, every time you do, I just want to hop into your replies and askbox (but I don’t because I don’t wanna annoy you HAHA).

I saw you’ve been feeling down a while ago and I hope that you’re feeling a lot better now! I’m sorry I didn’t reach out to you so here I want to say that, I love your writing sm. I’m so excited whenever I see your writing going around on dash. And just so you know, thanks to one of your writing, I’ve decided if a boy won’t peel oranges for me I’m not dating them HAHAH. Whenever you need to, please remember to take breaks!! If you ever need my help for anything, please know that you can reach out to me.

Thank you for becoming friends with me and have an amazing 2022.

One of the coolest people Koi @chichikoi ,

We haven’t talked much but I’ve gotten so used to seeing you on my dash every day. I think there was a period you didn’t and it felt kinda weird. So yk I just want you to know that I appreciate you and care about you, even if we may not have interacted a lot.

I’ve always wanted to get closer to you. I remember feeling super happy and ??!! /pos when you followed me, even when I shifted blogs. But man I’m such an awkward shit bc you’re 2 cool 4 me, way out of my league. I never knew there were leagues in friendships until I met you /lh /j. But I want you to know that if there’s anything u need me to help u with or anything u want to say to me, you can always come drop in my inbox.

I wish you an amazing 2022 and that the year will be good to you next year <3

My fellow Yuuta + Eugeo appreciator Irene @wispycecilia ,

The way we just hit it off was so immaculate. I’ve been here a while, but it’s the first time I actually had a decent conversation about a character or series with someone that I’ve nEVER talked to before.

You will always be my Yuuta and Eugeo (now that I think about it, both of them have their romanised names starting with “yu” KHSAKJHSKJH). You can hit me up in dms, asks or mention me in your posts any day to talk about them. I’d love to listen to brainrot about yuta SDJHHSHDSHFLKSJh. I hope the movie goes to your country soon so you can enjoy the movie!!

One of my mutuals I've been friends with for the longest time @kazuqha Mimi,

Wow, it's been almost 2 years since I met you through the Haikyuu fandom and I'm back to interacting with you because of Genshin <3

I feel like I have so many things to say thank you for or maybe it's just that I have for you a whole armful of gratitude I don't know how to express using words. Thank you for letting me become one of the mods on your server. My whole Genshin journey on tumblr wouldn’t have started if you said no. I made so many friends on your server who share the love for Genshin.

Thank you for fuelling my love for Childe by sharing tiktoks with me. As each day passes, I get down so bad below the floor I’m starting to wonder where rock bottom down bad is but I love it anyway.

Have a wonderful year ahead, lovely Tianquan of Liyue Harbor

Tart kisser attacker @almond-adeptus Almond,

Hello angst demon, I’m still waiting for you to attack me /j. It’s a joy to see you on dash because it’s hilarious how you’re always out for the other Childe kissers.

I don’t remember how my blog looked initially, but it’s a huge compliment for me when you said “warm and cosy when it's snowing outside”. I take it that I’m very approachable then /j. And hey I’m sure you’re the one with the good ideas!! I still remember that Childe and Kimi no Na Wa crossover that you were talking about in dash.

We haven’t interacted for very long, but I always find it enjoyable to engage in brainrot with you and talk to you about ideas. Ngl I always thought his thigh garter was seggsy (I’m laughing as I type this) but that post you made me think further about how it could actually be used.

Thank you for running the childe rp blog as well *laughs nervously about the rp I left hanging*(I’m sorry I haven’t gotten to it in a while :”””>).

I look forward to more brainrot and screaming about ideas with you next year hehe. Have a good 2022 :>

Another pogass user Dex @xiao-cafe ,

Thanks for sending me that dumb Childe pic for EBG HAHAHA. In return, I’m sending you willpower right now to finish the remainder of your next semester (if you have any? Bc my friends are gonna have their last sem for 2nd year fkshglsdj I don’t think I’ve truly gotten a hang of how poly works). I know we haven’t really talked much and all, but you’re a pretty cool person to me. Idk why you just give cool people vibes.

It’s probably a really small thing to you, but thanks for liking and reading the stuff I shitpost. To me, those little things tell me that yeah we’re still mutuals and it makes me a lot less intimidated to interact with you (just that I haven’t as much as I wanted bc I’m not sure what to say kdshfksjdhk).

I hope that you’ll have a good 2022 and thanks for being here for my 2021 :>

Kiznaiver friend Taz @help-wtf-am-i-even-doing ,

We haven't interacted for a while and I hope that you've been doing well! You're still the only person that I've really had a conversation with about Kiznaiver. Thank you for having that conversation with me about Kiznaiver and it's a conversation that I won't forget for a super long time.

I really enjoy the posts you reblog on my dash too, your sense of humour is *chef's kiss*.

Have an amazing 2022 and thank you for being a part of my 2021.

A very fun, lovable friend @bookuya

BOO I should have found more opportunities to talk to you so much earlier aaaaaaaaaaaa. You’re such a fun person that I can just wild with.

Also holy cow thank you for being so supportive to me! Ur compliments to me in your ask pls 😭.

Did you know that you’re one of the first few people I follow in Genshinblr? I really enjoy your works and I read them whenever they show up on dash. I remember raiding the Childe one but I might not have rb-ed it back then so time to add it to my todo list. I think your stuff doesn’t really show up on my dash because of timezones and because I follow more people rn, but with the taglist you’re not escaping me >:)

I wish you an amazing 2022 and I hope we can have more fun together heheheheh

@simplyxsinned @cxlrose @kamiyatos @mikachuchu @stellumi @kriaeya @caracalia @astrealia @bluexiao @siluc @lilikags

I'm sorry that I don't have an individual message for you, but I wanted you to know that I am really really really grateful for the little interactions we had. Be it talking in servers, interacting with my writings and blog (liking, reblogging etc), I enjoy all the moments we shared together and it would have never been the same without you guys. You're all really sweet, fun and amazing people in your own ways and I hope to be able to interact with you more in the upcoming year. I'm wishing you an amazing 2022 because amazing people should get a wonderful year that'll treat them right <3

Love,

Sherry

#riptide.announcements #mutuals ! #If by any chance you find out you're mutuals with me through this post and you don't want to #go ahead and sb or hb me #I won't take it personally and #I'd rather you go into the new year only with the people you want to keep by your side #I'm serious and I'm a firm believer in that #and I know how some of you are dealing with something rn so I hope this cheers you up a bjt #*bit

[harleysarchive]

Among You and Me - Corpse x Reader Oneshot (part 2)

Fandom: Corpse, youtubers Warning: Profanity, a lot of swear words, fluffiness, quite long Pairing: Corpse x f!reader Summary: You and Corpse continues with your conversations and it makes you realize that you have feelings for each other. 

Requested

< Previous | Next >

After Corpse had followed you on instagram the two of you talked like nonstop for days. It almost felt like you had known him for years. You had the same humor and he talked about some horror stories he wanted to do and you thought they sounded cool - but not wanting to admit that they scared you as well. You talked about school and how stressed out you were for the essays and exams that were coming up soon.

“I have an exam next Wednesday so I will be off the internet the whole day :(“ you wrote and buried your head in your pillow. 

“That sucks big time.”

“It doesss.”

“Wait… Then you will miss my upcoming stream that day :(“

Shit, you thought. You really wanted to see his stream but right now you don’t have time for it. Which sucks even more than school.

“Probably, I’m sorry :(“ you said and locked your phone to get ready for school.

Corpse POV.

I read the message she sent again and didn’t know what to answer. My brain was so tired so it had problems with coming up with coherent replies. I was not prepared for how the feeling of hurt and sadness that came with that response.

Why did I react like this, of course she has other stuff to do than to watch my stream…

But I couldn’t shake the hurt feeling from my chest. Even though we only had talked for a couple of days it felt like we had known each other for longer than that. She felt like a close friend almost. And when she was with me on my streams, it reduced my anxiety and my nervousness to know that she was watching, somehow it eased my nerves a lot.

Why do I need you there with me to feel safe? he thought to himself and started to type in a response.

“It’s okay, nail those exams for me ;)” he hit send. Thoughts fucking exams that is keeping you away from my stream.

Wait, wait, where the fuck did that thought come from? 

I shook my head, trying to think about something else. I pressed on (Y/N)’s profile on instagram and started to go through her feed. There were some selfies, some pictures of nature and different places where she had been. Some pictures with friends and some with her family. I stopped on a specific selfie of her. She looked so beautiful on it, all I could do was to admire it - and her. Then I did something I thought I’d never do. I took a screenshot of the photo and saved it as my background on my phone.

I will never meet her so this won’t do any harm, I told myself before I fell asleep.

Your POV.

You threw your bag at the couch and fell down face first in the bed. School was killing you at the moment and it wasn’t better with the essays that were piling up on your schedule. You groaned into the pillow and then took up your phone, one message from instagram. You opened it and it was from Corpse. Your heart made a little extra jump everytime you saw the name appear, and that he had answered you. You smiled and read the text. 

“It’s okay, nail those exams for me ;)”

“I will try my best to ace them, just for you ;)” you felt bold writing the last part. But what the hell right? 

You hit send and waited for him to respond. He was probably asleep now, knowing his weird sleeping schedule. Not wanting to wait the whole day - it would drive you nuts and also give you thoughts like “what if I’m annoying or disturbing him?” “what if my message woke him up and he’ll get mad and never want to talk to me again?” “what if…” you know?

You opened your texted book and tried your hardest to study, but it was hard when your mind was constantly wanders away to Corpse - the man that has been on your mind all the time lately and you didn’t mind it really. 

Is it possible to fall in love with someone that you haven’t met? you thought. Because if it is so, then I’m fucked...

Corpse POV.

I must’ve slept for more than three hours for the first time in weeks because I almost didn’t feel dead. I looked over at my phone and I had two messages. One from Dave checking up on me and one from (Y/N). I checked (Y/N)’s message first.

“I will try my best to ace them, just for you ;)”

I got a warm feeling on my chest reading the last part, just for you. I liked that. I liked that a lot actually, more than I liked to admit to myself. I looked at my background picture and there she was smiling at me. Even though it was just a picture from instagram it felt like she smiled at me. And only to me. Some confidence sparked inside of me and I messaged her again.

“Can I get your number?”

Your POV.

You had taken a break from your studying and were watching Mark, Bob, Wade and Sean playing Phasmophobia. It was hilarious to watch. Your phone lit up and you had gotten a message from Corpse on instagram. 

“Can I get your number?”

You stared at the message, he wanted your number. Your thumbs were typing but were shaking so bad, all this kinds of emotions can’t be good for you. 

“Of course!” you typed and then wrote down your number to him. You hit send and bit nervously on your nails. Not long after you got a message from an unknown number.

Hey is this (Y/N)?

Yes is it! Corpse?

Oh thank god! I was nervous I had typed in it wrong and were messaging some weirdo.

You smiled at the two of you continued your conversations throughout the evening.

Some days later it was Wednesday and you had one of your exams. You were a little bit nervous but not a lot. You had tried your best to study, even with obvious distractions, and you had got some informations in your brain. 

Wish me luck on my exam! you send to Corpse, knowing fully that he was sleeping, it was early in the morning, or perhaps he hasn’t even gone to bed yet. Yoy got a ding on your phone.

Good luck (Y/N), not that you need it you are a smart girl. But I know that you are going to kill it 🖤

The heart in the end made your heart jump. 

How am I suppose to consentrate when he sends me stuff like that? 

The exam went like a dream, you knew all the answers to all the questions and it went by fast. You felt pleased with yourself and looked at the clock and it was just before noon. Corpse livestream had just begun!

If I grab a quick lunch I can get home before it is over! you thought to yourself and walked as fast as you could towards the school cafeteria and then straight home.

You made it just in the middle of the stream, they were playing Among Us and Corpse were super nervous. You felt bad for him because you knew that he was great at the game. He didn’t have to be so hard on himself. An idea popped up in your head. You donated 10$ to his stream and wrote:

“You are doing great Corpse and my exam went great ;) much love (Y/N)” 

Now you were just waiting to see if he will notice the message. 

Corpse POV.

My hands were shaking so bad, more than usual. It was normal for me to be nervous before and during a stream but today my nerves were going crazy. I was making rookie mistakes as a impostor, like wtf I am supposed to be the number one impostor here. 

Fuck I wish my hands would stop shaking so bad, why am I so nervous? Well I knew the answer to the question but I didn’t want to admit it to myself. (Y/N) wasn’t here watch and it sucked so bad. I felt lonely and anxious. I looked over at the chat and was that I had recieved a donation with a message.

“”You are doing great Corpse and my exam went great ;) much love (Y/N)” Why thank you-... Wait a minute, (Y/N)?” my voiced cracked at the end of the sentence and I am sure someone caughed up with my surprised and overly excited tone. I took up my phone and texted her fast.

Please tell me that was you who wrote that.

I waited and I saw the three dots going of, not helping with my anxiety one bit.

Yes it was me, I finished much earlier with my exam than I anticipated, so I hurried home to see your stream. 

My heart became all warm over her message and I didn’t even notice that I had held my breath before I let out a huge sigh. She hurried home to watch me. My hands were shaking but not over my nervousness, but from excitement and, i don’t know happiness maybe. Three dots appeared again on the screen.

I couldn’t leave you alone when I know how nervous you get when you’re streaming.

Fuck... That sentence made me fall over the edge, if I haven’t already. I am falling for (Y/N) and I haven’t even met her... 

Yet.

A/N: Upon many requests, here is part two! It made me so happy to see all the comments on my first oneshot and how well recieved it got. Thank you all so freaking much! :D

Tags:

@annshit @artist-bby @polahorvat @wibblytimey @sadlysober @usuie12 @lunaruss @yeolliedokai @fanworrior @kirislut @deathcompass @pillowjj @simonsbluee @reddeserths  

#corpse husband #corpse #corpse husband x reader #corpse x reader #corpse_husband #corpse_husband x reader #corpse imagine #corpse imagines #imagine #imagines #harleysarchive #youtuber imagine #youtuber x reader #youtuber imagines

[deanwasalwaysbi]

I've gotta say, I find the concept of Bedlund trying to Ben-Hur Jensen absolutely hysterical. I'm just imagining Jensen getting a script and being like "Ben?? What's this? Is this gay? This seems gay????" and Ben just soothing him like a frightened horse.

Hahaha - Look it wouldn't be the first time. What is this verb we're working with? Okay. Strap in everyone. The Multi-Oscar-winning 1959 movie 'Ben Hur' had a bunch of gay subtext. The writer, the director, and the second lead actor all knew that Charlton Heston's character, Ben Hur, was gay. However, one person didn't find out until the 1990s: Charlton Heston. The consensus on set was "Don’t tell Charlton, because he’ll freak out." and when Heston found out in the ninties, freak out was exactly what he did. (x) [the movie may have gotten a reference from Misha back in season 6 (x)]

Whether this happened with Jensen on SPN depends on two things.

Was the character of Dean intentionally written as Bi and, if so, at what point did that become true?

Did anyone tell Jensen? Did he figure it out? if so, when?

I personally DO believe at this point, I really do, that Bedlund - Ben Hur'd Jensen. I think it was part of the writers room but not all of it, until it was. (Which RN I believe finally happened under Dabb.) I think Jensen wasn't in on it, until he was. So for me? I think he really was in the dark at one point. But at what point that changed? Probably only he can answer that question. and RN? He ain't talking.

In the meantime we can only look at things Jensen has said on the subject - Like this unbearably ambiguous GIF set from @nikadd. Was this tongue in cheek? Legitimate ignorance? You're killing me, Jensen. That cheeky lil smile, Jensen. Nvm - I'm going to kill you instead. It's for my own survival. No hard feelings right? You understand.

UH OH HERE COMES A CUT TO HIDE A LONG DERANGED POST...

We can look at the text for number 1 - and I do that uh - a lot - see the blog name #Dean Was Always Bi

For number 2 we can look over some points when we got clues from what Jensen thought was going on [regardless of whether they make sense based on his jacting or directorial choices I guess] and get left wondering whether at any point he felt pressured to lie for his career, for self protection, or to protect the narrative from the network: 

2010 - 'We're missing the gay angel' (x) (Season 5 gag reel) (x) “Sorry man, not what the show’s about.” Jared: One of the good and bads about playing the straight [non-comedic] character on the show… Jensen: What wait? I’ve been playing him so wrong

2012 / S8 - Trenchcoat - Jensen talking about how sometimes they change the lines because they're way too gay. Calls Cas a third brother

2012 - "What's Destiel?" Ben Edlund: That’s some weird shit. Jensen: Is this something that you created, Ben? Ben: You don’t want any part of that.

“Don’t ruin it for everyone now” “I still don’t know what the question was. I’m going to pretend I don’t know what the question was.”

2013 @ JIB, re Dean’s reaction to Aaron’s flirting in the season 8 episode Everybody Hates Hitler,  (x)

“And the scene wasn’t written to be that kind of - I mean - It was written to be awkward.  Ben Edlund wrote the - my favorite line in that scene was ‘carry on . citizen’ that was - I almost couldn’t say that with a straight face I was laughing so hard.  But it was - you know - it was comedy. It was a comedic moment in the show and fortunately Dean gets a lot of the comedic moments in the show and it was just, you know, Ben was poking fun at the fact that - you know, how can we make this very kind of manly, heterosexual guy uncomfortable - uh -you know, or  or have him back on his heels and throw him off his game a little bit.”

The thing is - Bedlund and Phil Sgriccia made very clear on the commentary track that THEY saw this scene as a 'romantic comedy kind of fluster' "This potential for love in all places."

Ben Edlund calling the writer’s room a boy’s club in 2013 (x)

Misha Collins telling Destiel fans they aren’t Crazy in 2013 after some executives said they were (x).

2014 Jensen says he was glad there wasn’t much Dean and Cas in season 9  - HA Hah HAH (x)

“I think the whole Cas and Dean thing has gotten out of hand”  “I don’t think there’s anything secret to their relationship even though a lot of people wish there was” REMINDER - that season we got the nightstands acknowledgement and “play him like a jilted lover” and the “he dumped me James” cut and -

I certainly know that Misha and I don’t play that. SIGH. they Ben Hur'd Jensen.

2014 - the fan fiction joke - 10.05

“I didn’t have a positive reaction, The first time in I think 200 scripts I went and sat down in the showrunners office and said, ‘What in god’s name are you doing?! Why? I need to understand why this is happening.’” “[Carver] gave very eloquent answers and did a great job of explaining why we were doing what we were doing, I guess I had been aware of this ‘fan fiction’ for a while and I felt like maybe if I ignored it, it would eventually go away. When I read it in the script that is what I do for a living and is my work—I’m very protective of these characters and the story and I think we have a right to be—I wasn’t angry. I just wanted to understand why and what was the message we were ultimately sending with this script and story. By the end of it, I felt good and it gave me all the confidence I needed. It was better than I could have ever hoped.”

But then there's Jensen in 2015 talking about all of Dean’s bromances. (x)  [gifs at the top] Could go either way - starting to figure it out? or No?

What had changed if anything? the entire Crowely season 10 story line?  This was July 2015 - the same day as the SDCC 2015 panel where Misha talked about Destiel   (x @ 13) Carver and Dabb were there - 

By this time Jensen and Misha were nominated for a teen choice award for best chemistry against various tv couples (and one ensemble cast, but the award nomination did NOT include Jared) .... Misha and Jensen would go on to WIN this award one month after the panel.

At the Panel Rob and Rich ask the question: “You two have branded yourselves as TV’s greatest team since, ... idk who.... Ernie and Bert so.”  [Misha says to Jensen & Jared, half not on the microphone: “I really didn’t expect them to throw us under the bus.”] “are we going to see that continue? Is the Castiel Dean relationship still aflutter and still growing as we move into season 11?”  Jeremy Carver: “Ish.” [mocking from panel ensues] “Yes. Of course. I mean Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. There’s no doubt.”

Jensen Directs 11x03 and the choreo mimics Goodbye stranger (x)

2016 - Jensen: Dean could have a huntress, but you’d kill her.

Jan 2017 Con the infamous - no hedge - harsh - “Destiel doesn’t exist.” (x)

I would hope that if he knew he wouldn’t have been so harsh with it.  So by that point either he still didn’t know - OR - to him ‘Destiel’ was specifically about internet porn/sex and not like - the potential for feelings / a relationship.  It makes me think about something Misha had actually said, around 2013, “It’s called ‘Destiel’ and it’s about the romantic interludes between Dean and Castiel.” (x)

2017 - jib8 Jensen called Dean a lover of the ladies

May 2017 - After filming the end of season 12:

2018 - Misha confirms he and Jensen have talked about Destiel (x) - also 2018: The Bisexual Dean essay "? No." (Oh god was this really this recent?! I can't deal with this.)

Well. SOMETHING happened in 2019. cuz here it comes

2019 - "Dean has no taste, clearly." 2019 - 'So, tell us just a little bit about what you're most excited to tackle with your character this final season.' "Cas. Just like a full football form tackle."

Look at this face he gave Dean when Cas told him he loved him and tell me he wasn't playing into it here. You can't. (x)

#jackles long con #unparalled media experience #desticule #dean is bi #spn tinhatting #ben hur treatment #dean was always bi #jackles sexy silence #jensen ackles #spn meta #spngate #spn bts #spn behind the scenes #ben edlund #ben hur #bedlund #spn metacanon #i went off #I really do believe that bedlund ben hur'd Jensen #spn gaslighting #JENSEN WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL #my asks #caslighting #original content #long post #this has been stewing for a long time #reference #oh do help me this is somehting other people know way more about. #deranged #spn homophobia