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lovingmattysposts · 2 months

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You don't know me 28

P1 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12 P13 P14 P15 P16 P17 P18 P19 P20 P21 P22 P23 P24 P25 P26 P27 P28 P29 P30 P31

pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo

summary: you and chris came from two different sides of the spectrum when it came to the social scale. You had the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect parents, but when you start to peal back that layers things got messy. Your life was set and stone, your future was set and stone. That was until he comes and changes everything.

warnings: suggestive, mentions of sex, mentions of cheating, family drama, panic attack (mellow nothing major)

I pushed open the door to the coffee shop before I saw my dad in one of the corner tables. I smiled and his eyes shot over to mine. A smile came to his face before he stood up from his seat.

I moved on my feet until I reached him.

"Hi" His voice sang before his arms came around me. I hugged him back and let go of a breath. He let me go and moved his hands down my shoulders.

"You came" He smiled as he looked down hopefully at me. I nodded, letting out a breath. "Yeah sorry. I was just going to make sure Chris got on the plane okay before I came. I would have texted but--" I paused.

But I don't even have your number.

He shook his head. "No you're completely fine. Please sit" He motioned to the chair. I smiled before I sat down and he came along with me.

We had agreed that every Friday we were going to try and see each other. I still hadn't told my mom I was seeing him. I didn't know how. How do I even bring that up? She had to expect that I wanted to meet my dad.

"How are you feeling about that? Are you doing okay?" He asked as we settled into our seats. I glanced up at him from the mention on how I was feeling about Chris flying to Boston. I swallowed.

"A little nervous" I mumbled. He nodded as he picked up the coffee mug placed in front of him. "Nate is a little nervous about it too" James said looking at me. I just looked at him. "He didn't tell me that, but I can tell from the way he talks about it. He doesn't want Chris to leave either" He said. I nodded and clasped my hands together.

"I can understand that. Him and Chris are close" I said. James nodded before smiling. "He protective over his things. I used to think Nate had a crush on Chris before you told me you were seeing him, then it made sense why Nate was acting weird" James chuckled, making me smile and shake my head.

"Nate is very protective over his things" I agreed, looking down. James sighed and set down his cup. Silence came between us, and I felt guilty about this all over again.

Wondering if he was hiding the fact that he was seeing me from Nate, the fact that I'm hiding this from my mother's knowledge. I swallowed.

"Can I get you something to drink sweetie?" The waitress's voice rang. I looked up, almost happy she interrupted my thoughts. I smiled up at her and nodded. "Just coffee, black please" I replied. Her eyebrows raised.

"No sugar or cream?" She asked. I shook my head. She nodded before walking away. I looked up at James. He smiled. "I'm impressed. But you're too young to be drinking cofffee" He shook his head jokingly. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm 18, I just turned 18-"

"Three weeks ago"

I looked up at him. His smiled flattened and he swallowed looking back down at the table. I played with the bracelets against my wrists. My eyes traced over to the third seat placed next to us.

"Is there someone joining us?" I joked. He opened his mouth to speak before the bells of the coffee shops jingled and I turned my head and so did James. Nate walked through the door and looked around before his eyes landed on mine.

His face hardened before he glanced over to his father. I looked at James who started to stand up, throwing his napkin on the table.

"I'm sorry just--" James said looking at me and then to Nate. The bells jingled again and I turned to see Nate now exiting the coffee shop. James let out a breath before starting to walk towards the door.

"Give me one moment" He said quickly before he walked towards the door pulling it open. I swallowed and slumped back in my seat. I didn't appreciate the fact that he had set us both up, but he was trying at least. It was more than my parents ever did.

I swallowed the nerves beading in my throat and turned and looked out the glass windows seeing Nate and James talking. Well Nate was yelling, James was talking. Nate shook his head and yelled something I couldn't hear from here, on the other side of the window. James's face hardened as he spoke calmly to Nate.

Nate shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. James spoke some more and stared angrily at his son before pointing towards the door of the coffee shop. I turned away.

I hated the way this made me feel. Unwelcome, unwanted.

"Here you go" The chippy voice of the waitress brought me out of my thoughts as she set down the coffee mug. I smiled fakely at her before I heard the bells chime again. I turned my head before seeing James walk in and a very unhappy Nate sulking behind him as they made their way to the table.

James smiled down at me and Nate moved around him and sat in the chair next to mine, while James sat down across from me.

"My apologizes for him" James looked at his son. Nate turned his head and looked out the window. "No it's okay, I just wasn't expecting...any more company" I breathed looking at Nate. Nate glared at me.

"Yeah me either" Nate said blankly. I swallowed and looked down at my lap. This got awkward and hurtful fast.

"How's school going Y/n? You graduate next year" James smiled, attempting to shift past the awkward tension. I lifted my head. "Fine" I smiled at him. "My grades are okay, they've been better. I've just had a lot....going on" I mumbled shaking my head.

Nate scoffed next to me. James snapped his head to him. Nate rolled his eyes. I cleared my throat. "How's hockey going?" I breathed turning to Nate. He looked up at me from his fixated gaze on the table.

An olive branch, maybe that's all he needed.

He raised his eyebrows. "Do you even know anything about hockey?" He scoffed staring at me. I opened my mouth and blinked.

I knew a lot about hockey, it's all Max talked about.

"Yes" I stated looking at him. He leaned up in his seat. "Oh yeah. I forgot that your boyfriend, that you consistently fucked the same time as Chris, was on the team" He snapped staring at me.

My face turned blood red.

"Nathan Doe" James's voice snapped.

The waitress came back up.

"Are you guys ready to order?" She smiled brightly down at us. I felt like I was going to throw up. I slumped in my seat and buried my head in the menu. How does someone disappear? Because I've never wanted to do anything more.

Nate flicked the menu open and scanned it. "I'll have the waffles with extra whip cream" He stated as if he didn't just tell my father that I had sex with two people at the same time. It wasn't even true.

James's glare didn't lighten as Nate set down the menu and smiled at me. I let out a breath. I could feel the redness on my neck. The waitress looked over at me.

"I-I have to use the restroom" I snapped the menu down and scrambled from my seat and darted towards the bathroom. I closed the door and leaned against the wall, pressing my hands over my face trying to breathe.

I can't do this.

Just catch your breathe. I leaned over the sink. I was going to puke. I looked up. "You're fine. You're fine" I whispered shaking my head. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. Distraction.

Chris

I let go of a breathe before swiping it open and pressing it to my ear. "Hey" He said through the phone. "Hi" I breathed.

"What's wrong?" He asked immediately. I swallowed and closed my eyes. "Nothing i'm fine" I lied shaking my head. Silence for a second. "You're either panicking or you just found a new love for cardio" He stated blankly. I sighed and leaned over.

"I'm at brunch with James and he sprung Nate's presence on me" I swallowed. Chris sighed over the phone. "Are you okay?" He asked softly. I closed my eyes and swallowed.

"As well as you can imagine" I breathed. "Just breathe okay? You're not hiding in the bathroom are you?" He asked. I pinched the bridge of my nose. "No of course not" I lied.

"Y/n"

"Maybe?" I whispered. "Y/n, go back out there" He said. I sighed. "I can't. He hates me" I felt a lump in my throat. "He doesn't hate you. He's hurt. There's a difference between hurt and hate" He stated. I swallowed. "Doesn't seem like much of a difference" I whispered.

I heard cars flying by on the other end of the phone. "Listen--I have to go, I just stepped outside of the airport. Can I call you later tonight?" He asked softly. I licked my lips.

"Yeah. Did they flight go okay? Everything go good?" Another round of panic hit me. "The guy next to me ate 3 bags of Cheetos the entire flight, so now I have Cheeto dust all over me. Other than that everything's okay" He chuckled. I smiled and nodded.

"Good" I breathed. "Okay--I see my dad. I gotta go. I love you"

"I love you" I whispered.

"I'll call you tonight"

The line went dead.

I looked in the mirror. You can do this. Don't let him know he got to you. Walk back out there with confidence. I turned and pressed my shaky hand against the door handle. I don't have confidence.

I pushed the door back open before walking back over to the table. I sighed as I sat back into my seat, feeling James's eyes on me. Nate stared down at his lap. I placed my napkin back over my lap.

"Sorry, Chris called. He just landed" I said. That was actually true, whether they believed that or not. James nodded. Nate didn't say anything.

"I just ordered you some pancakes. I didn't know what you wanted" James breathed. I smiled. "You can't go wrong with pancakes" I smiled. He nodded and smiled. "You can't" He chuckled.

The rest of the brunch, James spoke. He asked me some questions, I asked him some. Basic small talk, like what do you plan to do after college? What do you want to be? What's your favorite place you've visited?

Nate chimned in some, but mostly said nothing. I guess he was taking ‘If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all' to heart. James's phone rang and he looked down at it before looking up at me.

"Excuse me, I have to take this" He said to be before he looked over at Nate. Nate looked up at him slightly and then looked out the window. I nodded and he stood up and picked up the phone.

I moved my fork around on my plate as silence came between us.

"I'm....sorry" he almost winced. I looked up at him. He looked down at the table. "I probably shouldn't have said that" He mumbled. My fork stilled. I let go of a breath and placed my fork down.

"It's okay" I whispered. He looked up at me. "I get it. He was your dad for 17 years, he's been mined since Monday" I breathed smiling. Nate smiled quickly before it dropped. I swallowed.

"But you can't hate me for wanting to know him. He's my father" I said glancing at him. He pursed his lips and looked away. "I don't" He said shaking his head.

"My dad and Chris have been through enough in their life, they don't need to get hurt anymore" He said blankly. I swallowed. "You act like I'm a wrecking ball Nate" I said shaking my head.

"I wouldn't put it past you" He breathed looking at me. I looked down.

"You hurt Chris"

"I fixed it" I snapped. “By skin of your teeth" He said staring at me. I sighed sitting up. "I get it you don't think I'm enough, but based off Chris's opinion of me....that doesn't alter your opinion whatsoever? Do you think Chris is an idiot?" I asked a little more harsh than I intended.

"Love is blinding" He said looking at me. I turned my gaze away from him. Fuck the olive branch. I was done trying. I just wanted this brunch to be over.

"Oh this is rich"

My eyes snapped up before I felt chills come over me. My gaze was on the ground, but I saw his shoes. I saw Nate shift up next to me. Reluctantly I lifted my gaze.

Max stared down at me. I glanced over seeing a blonde to his left. He stared down at me with an amused smirk. I glanced out the window seeing James speaking on the phone.

If he came back and heard whatever Max was about to say to me, he would probably forget about whatever relationship he wanted to build with me. He would look at me how the world did. Like a rich spoiled brat, or even worse a skank.

My hands shook.

"Already moved on from one low life to another I see?" He motioned to Nate. I glanced over at Nate who was looking at Max. I swallowed my nerves and the gag in my throat from the accusation of being on a date with my brother.

"Peyton" I stated looking at the blonde. I recognized her. She was on the cheer team. Had the amount of brains as she did a personality.

"Y/n" She crossed her arms over her chest. I rolled my eyes. I see why Max took a sudden interest. Max looked from Peyton and to me. "So not only are you a cheater, you're whoring around" He chuckled looking over at Nate.

My face turned red and I looked over at James. Still on the phone. I looked up at Max and opened my mouth to say something. "I-"

"Haven't seen you on the rink in a while Hastings. Didn't think you'd be drinking the pain away of being dumped instead of trying to get ahead for the upcoming season. Don't wanna be rusty before coach picks captain’s do you?" Nate said making me look over at him.

Max's jaw hardened as he looked down at him.

"Or are you too busy roofing girls to be worrying about any of that?" Nate tilted his head. Peyton looked up at Max with a suprised expression, dropping her arms. Max glared at him hard.

"If you think Coach is going to pick a junior over a senior for captains next year, you're full of it" He snapped. Nate sat up in his chair. "You sure thought so, when he didn't pick you as a junior, you cried like a baby in the locker room" Nate chuckled. I bit back a smile and looked at the table.

"You're wasting your time on her, she puts out like once a month--If you're lucky" Max snapped. Nate just stared at him.

"Can I help you son?" A hand came over Max's shoulder, hard. James glared at him. Max looked up at him, dipping his shoulder slightly. The air was thick.

"We were just--leaving" Max ripped his shoulder out of his grip. James's jaw tighetened. "Best get out of here. Table's full" He stated his eyes bearing into his. Max didn't say anything as he grabbed Peyton's arm and they left the store.

James's gaze didn't leave him until he was out of sight. He looked down at me and I swallowed. A smile came to his face and his angry demeanor was gone as if it never existed.

"Where were we?" He smiled sitting back down.

"You didn't have to do that" I mumbled looking over at Nate as James was at the register, paying. Nate didn't look over at me. "Max is a dick, he deserved it" He stated blankly. I just stared at him.

"Just so you know, I'm not proud of what happened. But I never slept with Max when I was seeing Chris. There wasn't ever an overlap with that....stuff" I whispered. Nate didn't react to my words instead he walked forward and stood next to his dad.

I swallowed. Another olive branch broken.

"I'll walk you home. Nate, would you like to come?" James said as he turned to me. "No. I've got homework" He mumbled pushing past us without another word. James sighed as we watched him push out of the coffee shop.

James looked down at me as I stared at the door. "Come on" He said placing his hand on my back as we walked out of the store and down the street. It was silent between us. I didn't know what he was thinking.

He barley knew anything about me, and what he did know was concerning. My worst moments. In the few days we've interacted, I've told him that I cheated on my former boyfriend--bad person or not I still cheated, he know's i've jumped from boy to boy. And the things he's heard....

Oh yeah. I forgot that your boyfriend that you consistently fucked the same time as Chris, was on the team.

You're wasting your time on her, she puts out like once a month--If you're lucky

Chills came over my arms. My father probably thinks I'm a whore. Great. And I'm sure the things Nate's told him haven't been any prettier than that.

"Are you cold? Do you want my coat?" His voice rang out my thoughts. I looked up at him, scared he could read my mind. I shook my head. "No--" I rubbed the goosebumps away. "I'm fine" I whispered looking down.

A few seconds later, I felt him pull his coat around my shoulders. I smiled from the warmth and looked up at him. He smiled as we walked.

I paused for a second and he looked back at me.

"I'm not a bad person, I promise" I swallowed. He just looked at me. "I've made some mistakes I'm not proud of b-but I promise I'm not what everyone makes me out to be. I've done my fair share of wrongs but-but--" My eyes watered. I just wanted him to see me. For who I was. Not what everyone told him I was. I just wanted him to see me.

"Hey, Hey" He breathed as he stepped forward and his arms came around me, comfortably. I sighed as I felt a tear roll down my face. I wanted someone else, who wasn't Chris, to see me as a person too. Nothing mattered to me more than winning over my dad.

"I don't think you're a bad person" He breathed above me. I sighed as I pressed my head into his chest. He pulled me back. "Sweetheart" He breathed I looked up at him.

"I can tell when someone is a bad person. It's a gift and a curse, especially when you want someone to be good and they’re not. You're not one of those people" He shook his head as his hands came under my eyes.

"You have a good heart. You haven't had the most fair circumstances. The people you grew up with, the people you've....let into your life" He breathed. I sighed. "I can't blame you for the way you play the cards you've been dealt" He shook his head.

"The fact that you're giving me a real shot to be in your life....I can't ever repay that" He shook his head. I swallowed.

"Nate, he'll come around---and Hastings..." He swallowed. "I went to school with his father, they are exactly the same" He shook his head. I sighed, dropping my shoulders.

"Yeah" I whispered. He tilted his head into my view. "And Chris is one of the most judgmental kids I've seen Nate hang out with" He chuckled. I smiled. "If you won him over, I have no doubt in my mind about you. And from the fact that you came from me....I think that makes you pretty cool" He smiled.

I sighed and rushed forwards and hugged him tightly. He stilled from my sudden embrace, before his arms came around me.

"Thanks Dad" I whispered. His breathing stilled, before I felt him release it and he hugged me tighter.

#matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo smut #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo

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sassypossumm · 2 months

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Feelings

You just wanted to keep your head down and mind your own business. That's kinda hard to do when your boss is an asshole.

(minor sexual content)

The life of one of the clerical grunts at the might Spider Society might not have been fascinating, but at least it paid well. It was easy enough to keep your head down and do your work and go home. Just mind your p's and q's, keep on your toes, and you'd go unnoticed.

File a little bit of paperwork, composite and archive anomaly sightings, pretty innocuous stuff. Yes, sir, just mind your p's and q's and you'd be...

"Y/N. My office, now." Miguel's voice sounded over the intercoms.

Screwed. Apparently, you'd be screwed.

You'd been enjoying your lunch. That's all. Nothing crazy. Just having lunch. Now you were walking that long green mile, doggedly keeping your head down to avoid making awkward eye contact with any of the many spiders staring at you. You might not have seen them, but your ears burned under the insistent whispers.

"Now!" His voice resounded through the halls of headquarters again.

"Oi, what'd you do to piss off the boss?" Hobie dropped from the ceiling and fell in step with you.

"Hey, Hobie." You glanced up at him, utterly dejected and shrugged. "When is he ever happy?" Hobie snorted. Coming to the opening to his darkened... you weren't exactly certain what to call it, but since you felt as though you were being dragged to your certain death by an apex predator, you went with cave. Sighing heavily, you hung your head.

"Courage, pidge," Hobie thumped your shoulder. "He can only snap your neck once."

"Gee, thanks, Hobie." Giving him a dirty look, your eyes flickered back to the mouth of Miguel's... cave. Taking a fortifying breath, you trudged forward, not failing to notice that any spiders that might have been in the vicinity had made sure to make themselves scarce. Looking over your shoulder, you saw Hobie give you a thumbs up. "Okay... let's get it over with." Muttering to yourself, you set your jaw and reluctantly entered.

"You wanted to see me, boss?" Turning around, you felt your apprehension growing when you were met with naught but silence.

"Up here." Your eyes followed the direction of the flat voice. Yes. Great. Of course. The asshole had made certain his platform was at its highest point, so you'd have to scale up to him.

"Talk about intimidation tactics." You grumbled under your breath, releasing a translucent line of webbing that latched onto the underside of the platform. The whole spider thing was still kinda new, and you hadn't quite conquered the aim thing yet. Closing your eyes, you took another deep breath before scaling the line, and climbed over the edge.

"Care to explain what these are?" Miguel was on you before you'd even managed to get on your feet. You squinted up at the screen that was being none too graciously shoved into your face. Irritation began rising in the back of your mind, but you tamped it down and stood to your feet, dusting off your shirt.

"What am I looking at, Sir?" Pushing your glasses up, you studied the screen in front of you. Miguel narrowed his eyes in barely concealed annoyance.

"Try taking a closer look." Biting your cheek, you fought the urge to roll your eyes and say something sarcastic. Instead, you leaned closer and looked intently at the rows of numbers scrolling up the screen. It was indeed your work, your little code signature flashed at the bottom of the screen.

Something caught your attention, and you ripped off your glasses and cleaned them furiously before putting them back on and studied the numbers further. You chose to ignore Miguel's clear look of derision as he stood to the side, arms folded, scowling. There was a discrepancy in the numbers. But that didn't make sense. You always double checked your data. Always. Shaking your head, you turned to look up at him in confusion.

"I simply don't understand,"

"You don't understand?!" His voice raised, and he stalked closer, fangs glinting in the screen light. Raising a hand, you took a step back and pinched the bridge of your nose. "These anomaly sightings don't match up, Y/N, it's pretty clear to see!"

"Yes, I see that, I just don't understand,"

"You screwed up! It's your department, and you let a mistake like this slip through the cracks, and we don't do mistakes, Y/N!" His body dwarfed yours, as he stood over you, practically screaming in your face. If he'd caught you on any other day, you'd probably have shrunken back and muttered some mousy apologies in an effort to placate him.

But that little niggle of irritation tapping on the back of your brain had other ideas.

"You know, would it kill you to just once, just once speak to me in a civil tone of voice, boss?" Taking a step forward you jammed a finger at his chest. Miguel's eyes turned blood red, and a flush of rage crawled up his neck as he took a step back. He opened his mouth to argue back but you pushed forward.

"You know, I'm sick and tired of taking your abuse, O'Hara! I come to work every day, and I do a good job. One little mistake, if it even is a mistake, and you're already down my back!" Miguel's back met one of the large monitors with a soft 'thump', and he looked down at you, fangs bared.

"I don't know who pissed in your cheerios this morning, Boss, but that's no excuse to take it out on me." Poking his chest once more for emphasis, you pulled back and folded your arms. Miguel's features went impassive, and he looked at you coldly.

"You done?" His frosty tone sent shivers down your spine. And not the pleasant kind. Stubbornly you set your jaw and squared your shoulders. Miguel leaned forward, until his nose was almost brushing yours. Any pretense of confidence flew out the window and a mortifying heat rippled through your body. Miguel smirked. "You're fired." Your blood began boiling again.

"You can't fire me if I quit." You spat back. Miguel's smirk morphed into a scowl, and he folded his own arms. Your heart thudded violently in your chest and the blood rushed to your head. He was too big, too angry, and way too comfortable invading your personal space.

And why was he looking at you like that? As if he'd like nothing more than to bite your head off. And why did a small part of yourself find that possibility thrilling? Was it just you, or did someone turn up the temperature? And why were you suddenly feeling really constricted in your own clothes? All of a sudden, the air was thick, almost as if someone had thrown a wet wool blanket over your lungs. And why where his pupils dilating like that?

Nope, nope, you didn't like that one bit. Taking a ragged breath, you reeled back just as you caught the tail end of what you swore must've been the strongest cologne you'd ever smelled in your life. And it was way too musky. Miguel really needed to lay off the cologne at work. Shaking your head, you pinched the bridge of your nose to, hopefully, bring the world back into focus. You seemed unaware of the fact that you'd bared your own fangs, and a little bit of venom dripped onto the platform.

Miguel hadn't missed it though, his eyes narrowed in on the small droplet and he bent, ready to touch it. Cracking one eye open, you saw him just as he was about to swipe a finger through the liquid, and you panicked.

"No!" You shrieked, pouncing forward to tackle him.

"Wha-" Miguel was knocked off balance, and your weight sent him sliding across the platform a few feet, and he landed on his back. You followed, landing on top of him with a soft 'oof'."Mierda!" He shouted, looking up at you as if you'd lost your mind. "Lo que da?!" Your body slumped with relief, and you sagged into him, breathing a sigh of relief. "Aye!" He grumbled, "Get off of me, eres una bruja loca!" He sat up, dragging your limp weight with him.

When you made no immediate attempt to climb off of him, Miguel began grumbling under his breath and started to shove you off, when his hand accidentally grazed your rear. And you groaned.

Miguel went rigid, hand still ghosting over your rear. You peeled your face away from his chest, and stared up at him, his features a mirror of your own shock. Miguel experimentally palmed the side of your ass. The scent of that strong cologne hit you again like a ton of bricks, and touch starved person that you were, and to your utter mortification, you groaned again. His eyes widened momentarily, and he sucked in a breath.

Your senses were growing hazy as you were again consumed with that oppressive heat crawling under your skin. Before you could further humiliate yourself, you scrambled out of his grasp and staggered to your feet. Mumbling some vague apology, you climbed over the edge of the platform, and swung back to the ground. The air at the bottom was instantly clearer, and with every step you took, that foggy sensation seemed to drain from your system.

Reaching the door, you were aware of Miguel scaling down the side of his platform, calling after you to wait. Turning briefly, you looked back to see him slowly walking towards you. Shaking your head, you dashed out the door and pulled up a portal to your own universe, jumping through and closing it before he'd even reached the door. Whatever that whole... thing was, it certainly wasn't something you wanted to dwell on any longer.

And Miguel O'Hara was the last person you wanted to discuss it with.

Miguel ran ragged fingers through his hair as the he watched the portal close. Making his way back to the platform, he replayed the events of the last twenty minutes over in his mind. He easily scaled the side of his platform, and his attention again narrowed in on the droplet on the floor.

He hadn't even been aware that you secreted venom.

"Lyla."

"Yeah, boss?" The hologram materialized with a bright smile. Miguel ran a scan over the droplet.

"Run a scan on this and give me a composite break down of its makeup."

"Lyla, run a scan..." She said with a tilt of her head. Miguel closed his eyes and sighed.

"Please." He grumbled.

"Sure thing, boss." Lyla winked. "And might I say, you handled that very well." Miguel frowned at her sing song sarcasm.

"Just run the scan, Lyla."

#miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #across the spiderverse #miguel o'hara #spiderman 2099 x reader

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sunshinejeonglixie · 8 months

Text

Only You

tags: sfw, gender neutral reader, !!eating disorder!!, sad but comfort (if that even makes sense, like its sad but changbin makes it better), supportive helpful bf changbin

description: reader struggles with an eating disorder after comparing themselves to the other idols changbin is around all the time, he comes in and takes care of them and gets them back into a more positive mindset and healthier habits

a/n: i'd been thinking recently about how much i love changbin & his health positivity and how much he preaches a "take care of yourself don't worry about the amount of food" kind of mindset and i just love it so much so then this idea came to mind. anyways, y'all please take care of yourselves please know that your health is so much more important than any number, any looks, anything & you are so loved just the way you are.

!!Everything written here is fiction, not meant to be taken as real life, if anything here makes you uncomfortable please just block & move on!!

“Only down 4 more pounds?” you whisper to yourself, staring at the scale in front of you.

Every week you check, and every week there is more disappointment.

Over the past 2 months you’ve lost about 5 or 6 pounds a week, trying more and more to get that number to go up. You’d wanted it to be more, trying more to get past a certain mark. Only having one light meal each day and working out more than you should. Is it a healthy thing? No, and you know that. But it’s what needs to be done in your mind.

This habit started after you went to music shows with your boyfriend, Changbin, more often recently. You’d seen some of the other idols, admired them, saw how everyone loved them and chased after them. Consistently complimented their bodies and their looks. You’re not sure why it got to you so much, it’s not like anyone said anything bad to you, you just wanted people to see you that way too. Maybe if you lost weight, they would look at you like that, treat you that way too, you thought.

You decided from that point you’d cut down on the amount of food you eat and increase time at the gym with Changbin. You’d already been going with him pretty regularly, so the increase wasn’t too suspicious or anything. The difficult part was hiding the fact you weren’t eating more than a small meal each day. Changbin was very attentive, especially with food. Always trying to get you to try new things, share his food with you, and make sure you were well taken care of.

You’d been able to brush him off a bit, which you felt a bit bad about if you’re being honest, and just convince him you were already full or didn’t want to try what he was offering. You’d hoped he wasn’t catching on, but you started to wonder if maybe he noticed more than he let on. When you’d have food together he always started by trying to feed you first, trying to get you to have a little more, things like that.

Your secrets and plans all came crashing down in one day. It started in the morning with you going over to the dorms to hang out with the members, at this point they weren’t just his friends they were yours too. Lee Know had made a special breakfast and immediately brought you some to try. The look on his face when you told him you didn’t want any definitely made your heart sting a bit, he always showed his love through providing for others so when his friend didn’t want any it hurt him a bit, even if he tried to hide it.

“Changbin already headed off to the gym y/n” I.N says through a mouthful of food.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full” Lee Know scolds.

“Thanks Innie, I was actually coming here to hang out with you guys though.” You smile.

“ooo, come with us to dance today?” Felix asks.

“I don’t have any dance clothes with me. I’ll watch though!” you explain, trying to make any excuse to get out of it just in case it could reveal any of your bad habits.

“You can borrow some of mine if you want.” Felix smiles at you, always a helper.

“Oh… yeah alright I’ll go then.” You start to become nervous, damn Felix and his consistently helpful nature.

They all smile, glad to have an extra friend coming with them today. You can’t help but become a bit nervous though, show any signs of weakness or any of the habits you’ve created, and they’ll all know.

After everyone is done with breakfast you all get ready for dance and head off to the company. You in some shorts of yours you found in Changbin’s room and one of Felix’s T-shirts he let you borrow.

Once you get to the company some of the other members meet you there, all of them except Changbin and Chan are there, they were running late after finishing at the gym.

You all started warming up, stretching so there wouldn’t be any injuries. Lee Know decides they’ll just start without Changbin and Chan for a bit and they can catch up later. They ask you to fill in one of the spots since you know almost every Stray Kids choreography.

Everything is going fine for a bit, you’re tired and it’s hard since you’ve not eaten anything to keep your energy up today but it’s fine. You can work through it you think.

That is until you start to get a fuzzy feeling, the room starts to spin. You try to step to the side and sit down but it’s too late. You pass out and hit the ground, hard.

Of course, everyone immediately becomes super concerned. Lee Know stopping practice and taking charge, telling Felix to find out where Changbin is and having I.N run downstairs to the medical office in the company.

You’re not out for long, 5 minutes maybe, but that feels like an eternity to the panicked boys.

As soon as you start to wake up you see the JYP nurse sitting on one side of you, Lee Know on the other, and Felix running back in with Changbin and Chan directly behind him.

“Hyung what happened?” Changbin asks Lee Know

“We were doing dance practice and they just dropped, we’re not sure.” Lee Know explains, moving out of the way for Changbin to take his spot sitting next to you.

“Baby what happened? Are you ok?” Changbin takes your hand, almost in tears with worry.

All of it is very overwhelming. Your whole body filled with panic, knowing that you’ll have to explain something and that all your unhealthy habits will be revealed. Everyone is watching you with concern, not sure how to respond to anything.

“All your vitals are ok, have you had anything to eat within the past 24 hours?” the nurse asks.

“Um…” you hesitate, knowing you need to tell the truth, but at the same time ashamed of the truth.

“No. I haven’t.” you stare at the floor, not willing to look at anyone around you, feeling they’re all going to be disappointed.

“I imagine that’s the problem then. Have a good meal, get some rest, and you should be ok. Don’t do any more intense physical activity without proper amounts of food and water.” The nurse scolds before packing up her things and tells you to come visit her if you have any more issues.

You nod, tears filling your eyes, no words to explain the feelings going through your body right now.

“Nothing in the past 24 hours?” Changbin whispers

You can’t bear to listen to his disappointment. Before anyone can react you push yourself off the floor and walk out the door.

Back in the practice room everyone has different levels of shock and confusion. No one knows how to react until Lee Know speaks up.

“Well go talk to them, aren’t you going to?” He looks at Changbin.

“Yeah, right, of course I am.” Changbin stands up, following Lee Know’s instructions, as if he hadn’t even had a full thought until Lee Know said that.

Changbin walks out of the practice room, walking down the hall to find you sitting at the top of the stairs, crying.

“I know you’re mad, you don’t have to tell me.” You say before he can even get a word out.

“I’m not mad.” He says while sitting down next to you and grabbing your hand.

“Yes you are, I made a stupid decision and got myself hurt because of it. You have every right to be mad.”

“I’m not mad.” He repeats before continuing.

“I’m concerned as hell, but I’m not mad.”

“You should be mad.” You say through more tears.

“No. I shouldn’t be, and I’m not.” Changbin says, trying not to cry just from seeing you struggle.

“y/n when was the last time you had a meal? A real full meal?”

“Tuesday evening when we had dinner together.” You mutter, almost quiet enough he’s not sure he heard correctly.

“Baby it’s Thursday morning. Have you had any sort of snacks or anything since then?” he asks, growing more and more worried.

“I had a piece of toast yesterday morning.”

Changbin is speechless, trying to find the right words.

“We need to get you something to eat baby.” He says, standing up.

You nod, knowing he’s right but still too nervous to look at him.

“Lee Know always keep snacks in his backpack, I could get those from him and then come back and we can talk more before we go get lunch?” He asks.

You shake your head; you don’t need everyone to know everything yet.

“I can’t tell them… they’ll be mad too.” You whisper.

“Baby I won’t tell them anything you don’t want them to know. They won’t be mad at you, just like I’m not mad at you. We’re all just worried.”

“I wanna go home.” You cry, grabbing his hand to pull him back next to you.

“Ok, we can go home. I’ll take you home, we can order some lunch to be delivered, and we’ll talk.” Changbin says, wrapping his arms around you.

He picks you up off the floor, holding you in his arms before setting you back on your feet.

“I’ll go get our stuff and then we can go, yeah?” He asks.

You nod and let him go to walk back to the practice room.

Once he walks back into the practice room, he’s met with a mixture of many different things. Questions, worries, and even some tears from a worried Hyunjin.

“Is everything ok?” Felix asks.

“I’m working on it; I’m just coming to get our stuff and then we’re going home for the day.” He explains.

“We’ll keep working here, we’ll stay out of the dorm for a while so you can talk.” Chan says.

“Thanks, hyung, coming back around dinner time is fine.”

He takes both of your guys’ bags and heads back out to you, grabbing your hand and taking you home.

The walk home is hard, both mentally and physically. The exhaustion is still getting to you and mentally your brain won’t stop moving. Once you guys get back to the dorms Changbin leaves your stuff in his room and brings you to sit at the table, quickly ordering food to be delivered.

“How long have you been doing this?” Changbin asks.

“A bit over 2 months…” you admit, no point in lying to him about it now.

Changbin’s heart shatters into a million pieces at this point, his baby has been feeling this way and not taking care of themselves all this time and he didn’t know.

“I’d noticed you’d lost weight, but I thought it was just because you’d been coming to the gym with me so much.” He says, his voice filled with guilt.

“Binnie you couldn’t have noticed.”

“What changed? What made you start feeling this way?”

This question brings more tears, knowing you’re going to have to tell him the truth and confess all the terrible thoughts you’ve been having is hard.

“When I went to the music shows with you, I saw everyone there and how good they looked and how much everyone complimented them… I figured if I lost weight, looked like them, maybe I’d be better for you. People would look at me like that too.” You confess.

“But you’re so beautiful baby, you don’t need to be like them. Especially not for me. I chose you; I didn’t choose them. I chose you because I want you exactly as you are.” He comforts.

“But you’re so perfect Binnie, and I’m just-“ you start before he cuts you off.

“Don’t you dare say anything negative. You’re absolutely beautiful and amazing and I love you so much. I’m not perfect, no one is, but that’s ok. I don’t need you to be perfect I need you to be healthy and safe, I need you to be you.” He says before pulling you from your seat at the table into his lap in his seat.

Instinctively you hold yourself up a bit, not relaxing all your body onto him. He immediately notices this and pulls you closer before speaking.

“Relax, don’t hold your weight off of me, you’re so gorgeous.”

“I’m too heavy Bin” you mumble.

“No, you are not, I lift more than this in the gym every day.”

“I was gaining too much before.”

“Baby no you were not, you were gaining whatever your body needed. Healthy bodies aren’t always tiny and that’s ok. That’s still beautiful.”

His words really do bring lots of comfort, even if you don’t fully believe him yet. Finally, you hear a knock at the door and the food is delivered.

“Let me make your plate for you please.” He asks, and you nod. Knowing it’s probably for the best.

He sets a plate down in front of you, not an overwhelming amount of food, but enough.

“When you’re finished with that if you’re still hungry there’s more.” He says

“Thank you Binnie.”

“Anything for my baby.”

After you guys eat, and he very closely monitors all that you ate, you guys decide to watch a movie to take your minds off the stress of the day.

Once the movie is over he tells you that you guys need to create a plan. One day of talking isn’t the end of this and you both know it.

“I want you to stay here for a while.” he asks, wanting to be able to keep an eye on you when needed.

“Binnie this is so much farther from work I can’t walk all that way.” You remind him.

“You can take my car; I’ll walk to work or take Lee Know’s car when I need it.”

“Alright. I’ll need to get a lot of stuff from my apartment if I’m gonna be here a while.”

“That’s fine, I’ll make space in my closet, and we can go pick stuff up tonight.” He agrees before continuing.

“I don’t want you eating by yourself for a bit.”

“Binnie I can eat a meal by myself.” You say.

“Love, please, just for some peace of mind. I want you to eat with me, the members, your family, your friends, someone just for a while. I need to make sure you’re actually eating.”

You understand where he’s coming from, agreeing that it’s probably a good idea.

“Anything else?” You ask.

“Not at the moment, if I think of something else I’ll come to you.” He says.

“I appreciate your concern Binnie.”

“I just love you so much baby I have to take care of you.”

Later that evening the rest of the members return from the JYP building, by that point you’d fallen asleep in Changbin’s room, exhausted from the day’s events.

Changbin walks out to greet the members, asking what they got done during dance practice.

“Absolutely nothing.” Lee know says with a slight irritation in his voice

“Where’s y/n?” Felix asks Changbin.

“In my room sleeping.”

“Are they ok?” Hyunjin asks, stress still in his face.

“They’re fine, we’ll talk about it later. Why didn’t you guys get any work done?”

“Why do you think?” Chan laughs

“You guys didn’t have to spend the whole day stressing I have it under control” Changbin is thankful they worry about you like he does but also worried they didn’t get any work done all day.

“I tried telling them that but apparently I ‘don’t know shit’ according to Han & Felix” Lee Know says with an eye roll.

“Hyunggg we said we were sorry for saying that” Felix whines.

“Yeahhh we were just worried we didn’t mean it.” Han agrees.

“Whatever I’m not really offended but don’t you people think that if something was a major emergency that Changbin couldn’t handle he would ask for our help??” Lee Know says, sounding like this is a point he’s made about a thousand times today.

“Let it go. We’ll get stuff done tomorrow.” Chan says before anyone can reply to Lee Know.

Slowly you wake up after hearing the voices in the living room, worried about what everyone has to say, but glad they’re home. You’d felt a little bad basically kicking them out of their house for the day. You decide to just get it over with and head out there, any questions you can’t answer or anything that becomes too overwhelming can be taken on by Changbin. He’d already promised he’d help you talk to them.

As soon as you walk out the bedroom door you’re met with smiles and hellos from everyone.

“Hi baby, did you sleep well?” Changbin asks, coming over to hug you.

“mhm, your bed is so comfy.”

The silence from everyone is a bit awkward for a second, no one knows quite what to say until Lee Know walks into the kitchen to do dishes which seem to unfreeze everyone, and they all move to do their own things.

The next couple days are slightly stressful, having to explain what happened to everyone and Changbin recruiting them to what he calls the “y/n protection squad”. When you asked what he was protecting you from he responded very seriously with “your brain” which made you giggle.

There’s always someone there with you when you have a meal, even if you both just eat next to each other while you do separate things, there’s always someone making sure you actually eat the meal. It’s not easy at first, getting back to eating more than one meal a day is a slow process, so your body doesn’t react too weirdly to it. The first day you ate more than 2 meals a day you got a stomachache for the rest of the day, so you’ve decided it’s gonna be a slower process.

It's also a difficult process because of the stress and anxiety you still feel eating “so much” even though it’s a healthy amount. Changbin has forbidden use of the scale for a while, just to keep your mind off the numbers and back on the health side of it.

“Numbers on a scale have nothing to do with how you feel or what your body needs” he reminds you when you think of weighing yourself again.

It’s nearly a year before your eating habits are more stable and healthier again, and even at that point you can still have some rocky moments. Over that year you’ve gone back to those bad habits twice, always saved and pulled back by Changbin and the other members. You still eat with someone else for about 95% of your meals, not because Changbin tells you to anymore but because he was right, it really does bring you comfort and help you finish a meal without panicking too much about it.

One of the biggest struggles came when they had another comeback, and you went back to the music shows with them. Changbin told you he’d understand if you didn’t want to go but that you were more than welcome to come. Seeing some of the other idols talking about their diets and how much they’ve lost really sent you into a bit of a panic.

You’d walked back to the Stray Kids dressing room in tears, just looking for anyone to try and pull you out. You found the whole group there, immediately you grabbed on to Changbin, explaining what had happened.

“Honey don’t worry about them and what they’re doing, ok? You do what’s healthy for you and your body. You’re so gorgeous and beautiful and I’m so proud of how hard you’re working to take care of yourself.”

“Why are you with me when you could have any of them? They’re better, prettier, smarter-“ you start to ramble before Changbin cuts you off.

“I don’t want any of them. I want you. Only you. You are special, I love you because of who you are. I don’t want you to be like them, if I wanted someone like them I’d find them. I found you because I want you.” He says before continuing.

“And for the record I think you’re the most gorgeous smartest best person in the world so don’t you dare say they’re better than you.”

He holds you close running a hand up and down your back. His words are comforting and reassuring. It makes you realize that he’s right, there’s a reason he chose you and not anyone else.

“Thank you Binnie, I love you” you say, hiding your face in his chest. Slightly embarrassed to let your insecurities get the best of you in front of everyone.

“There’s no reason to thank me baby, I will tell you these things every day until my last breath if it’s what you need to understand that I love you and you’re perfect the way you are.”

“I don’t mean to interrupt but we gotta get going soon.” Chan says before everyone starts to grab their stuff from around the room.

Once everyone is packed up and ready to go you all head out to vans to go back to the dorms. The whole ride home you just think about how loved you feel. Not just by Changbin but by all the members, of course their love is in a different way than Changbin’s but it’s still love. The amount of time, energy, and effort they’ve put into helping you all this time makes you feel so good. It’s a long road to being ok, and it’s ok to not be ok, just knowing you can ask for help and that they’ll be here to catch you when you fall is enough.

#stray kids #fanfic #stray kids fanfic #skz #writing #sfw #changbin #seo changbin #skz fanfic #skz imagines #skz x reader

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mirror-to-the-past · 9 months

Text

Finished KH3 and Re:Mind- holy shitballs.

So *much* was happening throughout that climax, and so little of it was cohesive, and Re:Mind made it so a double narrative was taking place simultaneously alongside the base KH3 climax so yeah, it's going to be hard to discuss everything I probably would've wanted to while playing throughout those fateful final hours. I'm definitely going to accidentally skim over some details or questions I have, purely as a consequence of my head whirling.

The two biggest criminals here impacting my understanding of the plot are one- the aforementioned double narrative and two- the obfuscating nature of Sora's POV (like, the one that comes to the forefront of my mind at the moment was when he came out of the light tunnel with Kairi after resurrecting everyone via Power of Waking and looked off somewhere and appeared confused/surprised). Re:Mind explained what was going on in some suspicious moments where Sora looked like... haha I don't know how else to describe it except by saying he looked like he was dissociating? But yeah, that post light tunnel moment was not one of those so. 👀 Literally have no inkling what they might have been going with there- just a feeling of significance I can't shake. I got that a lot throughout the end of this playthrough. Pain.

The time travel in this game was one of the most bonkers usage of time travel I've seen in media, and I salute the writers for sticking to it and making their plot happen. I think my brain would've fried halfway through and I'd have cried at the keyboard. I am but a mortal stuck on a linear scale. This falls somewhat beyond me. I'll try my best to make heads or tails of it, though.

While the execution felt somewhat... sudden/rushed, I appreciated the follow-up on Sora's crumbling self esteem. 10/10 mini breakdown, you motivated Riku to such a degree that he got you spirited to the Final World- good job, lad. I know Naminé said that Kairi was the one keeping Sora tied to the Final World, but I had to wrap my mind around that statement, assuming its validity, because it felt a bit out of left field for me. I only mention this because after everything I saw (Riku's sacrifice shown twice, a good number of the star people who had very similar sounding sentiments to Riku [lemme tell you some of those stars were very telling], and I thought I was bullshiting on this one at first, but after rewatching the Final World's title card animation thingy, it ALSO looks a lot like a reflection of the composition of the Riku death scene), I felt a bit surprised that it was not said to have been Riku's contribution that kept Sora chained to the Final World- it would definitely have made sense given the context. However, Kairi's love and hope for Sora is definitely not to be dismissed, alongside Riku's love and belief in him, so upon thinking on it more, I see it as a "Riku saved and tethered Sora's heart to the Final World and Kairi helped Sora retain his form" kind of thing. And if you think about the presence of each character in Sora's life, their contributions under that lense would make sense:

Kairi is a symbol of home and memory, maintenance of stability. She would be the one to hold onto her memory of Sora- strong enough that he would maintain some level of physicality and semblance of mortal self, even in near death. Similarly to what Joshua said in DDD: "By ourselves, we're no one. It's when other people look at us and see someone- that's the moment we each start to exist. All they needed was someone to see them, connect with them." <- That fits pretty well with the situation.

Riku focuses more on new beginnings, and the casting away of things deemed as 'unnecessary' (body, home, companionship... debatablely happiness) for the sake of pursuing desires. It would match up with his history of possession and development where he learns relinquishing of control. Without Kairi's contribution, Sora would likely have just manifested as another faceless star person, as retaining Sora's heart would've been Riku's priority in that moment, regardless of what form he would take. (From moments before Riku's sacrifice- "We haven't lost them. They still have their hearts. But we have to protect them." Tie that into Riku's "Protect the things that matter" thing, and boom.)

So uh... go team! Sora may be determined to get himself killed, but with their powers combi- oh... (Looks at the ending)

Also I made sure the 111th Sora I grabbed was doing a funny little jig. I'm proud of me.

Here's a speculative blurb from a previous attempt at a KH3 climax post from earlier that ended up getting scrapped:

"Because of what Young Xehanort said (EN: the "It's already too late for you" line), now I'm wondering if Sora's being baited into an illusion where his friends are safe, because he couldn't handle a world where that wasn't the case, paralleling DDD ending. That, or Sora's just doomed himself by going to the Final World, using the power of waking a bunch and attempting to carry on, business as usual."

While I'm glad that it didn't turn out as bleak as the initial speculation, I do still wonder post ending if, given Xehanort's level of anticipation of his opponents' moves on a metaphysical level, he took advantage of Sora's insistence on breaking reality for his loved ones as a way to bait him and shove him out of the way forever, or if sending him to where it looks like Sora ended up was somehow more advantageous for his ambitions in the long run. And let it be known I predicted my boy was going to sorta-die due to his everything-ex-machina. I cracked jokes about it to cope throughout the entire finale.

Examples:

"Boy Riku, the air that I'm breathing in the Keyblade Graveyard sure is stuffy, but I feel immensely grateful for it for some reason. *coughs forebodingly*"

"Y'know Kairi, I think I'm down to reminisce with you for once. I just feel like I should really look at where life's taken me so far. Oh, no particular reason. Lovely weather today."

On a less upsetting note-

ROXASSS

XIONNN

YYEAHHHH BABEYY 😎😎😎

Literally lost my MIND when Roxas showed up. The hype I felt was immeasurable, and my day was made. The "Other Promise" rendition during the fight was sick, and Re:Mind did the Org. trio even more justice with their attacks. When Xion started crying post fight I was just like... same, babygirl. It was just a lot, and I'm so happy Roxas was yoinked back into existence.

Still extremely intrigued about all of the unknowns in the Org. XIII lore. You can't just take away all the cool guys again and not tell me anything new about them (Marluxia, Larxene, Demyx, Luxord). Especially after Xemnas previously made a big deal literally about how mysterious they all were. Dick. >:0

Very curious about when and how Luxord's wild card will come into play, considering it didn't get mentioned during Re:Mind, as I assumed it might in order to help Sora fix Kairi or perhaps get Sora out of his mess. KH4, maybe? 👀

Also XIGBAR MVP ONCE MORE LFG. OR SHALL I SAY, LUXU?? I really should've put two and two together for that one, because of how all-knowing Xigbar seemed to be at all times, but I wasn't particularly focused on figuring out Luxu's identity, so that's on me. Curious about how he summoned the Foretellers. Thought they were dead, for some reason, but I suppose there was no reason to assume so if Luxu was able to survive that long as well. Wonder what they've been up to? Ava noped out- wisest thing anyone has done this entire franchise, lol. I would assume the Book of Prophecies was inside the box, but as seen by the Union X stuff, Mr. Master was still enjoying prophetic light reading after he sent Luxu away, so all one can assume is that it's parts of the Book of Prophecies hidden away from everyone or perhaps another significant book altogether. We'll seeeee. *explodes*

Speaking of the Union X stuff, loved that moment where Ephemer phased into Sora's reality to stir the lingering wills of the deceased Keyblade wielders into action. I just felt so happy for what I assume were real players who are now forever immortalized in the game as people who come to your side to help you beat the tough baddie, y'know? I got a bit emotional- it reminded me of NieR:Automata. If you know, you know.

Riku and Xehanort's Heartless have finally finished their strange drawn out mentorship/insecurity demon/invasive clingy ex dynamic. I chuckled a little bit at Riku saying "I think I'll miss you." Oh dear, lol.

I love that one scene where all the Guardians of light minus Kairi and Sora were fighting in an Avenger-esque huddle in the sky, and they occasionally chatted with each other. Ventus complimenting Roxas made my heart warm. It's the little things!

Scala ad Caelum is so pretty! And fun to say, haha! It reminds me a lot of a The Mist/Sharlayan city lovechild from FFXIV. Very Mediterranean, bleached white coastal prettiness. Would live there- 10/10. Also, I appreciate the consistency of people's hearts manifesting physically as their homeland. You had Sora's heart in DDD as the island the kids played at in Destiny Islands, and now Xehanort where he was raised and trained (he felt more personal connection to it than say, Destiny Islands, where he seemed to have also spent part of his life). It's sweet, and a bit sad, as both have grown so estranged from their homelands.

The way I SCREAMED when I got to play as Kairi. So sad how she's been thrown into such a disastrous fray so suddenly after becoming a Keyblade wielder, her and Axel/Lea (I don't care about Merlin's time stopping magic man, I Know they needed more time) and suffered the most for it. She was really getting the Sora treatment of being talked down to by the villains (kudos to Axel/Lea, I love him so much for calling Kairi his trump card, they make me so happy), and being seen as easy pickings. It's so good that Sora was in her corner to help her, because like damn. Girlie went through it. And then she comes out the other end only for her best friend who risked life and limb for her to fucking DIE as a result of how hard he tried to make sure she was safe despite the universe working against her (gj for Sora finally stepping up as a Kairi bodyguard this game, by the way. About time 🙄 [I am light-heartedly referencing my own inside joke].)? DAMN. SHE'S PROBABLY GOING THROUGH IT EVEN MORE. Survivor's guilt, anyone? But yeah, anyway, her going "please work!" when fighting Xehanort was so sad... you're doing great, Kairi! Don't let anyone tell you different! Loved the "One Heart" attack her and Sora had! It was so pretty, and they're absolutely my little angels- they deserve the wings! Love how they're both like... the connection pieces between everyone, y'know? I love Kairi's attack pattern of her initial swipe being a long ranged hit that then zaps her to the target- thought that was great design! It was on par with Aqua's gameplay in this game, for me, and I admittedly like the feel of it a little more than Roxas' and Riku's. Side note- was Riku's AI as a party member just wack for me, or does he not have healing moves/items this game? I only ask because I remember how he was like 🫰 On It whenever Sora's health would drop a smidgen in KH2, but here he was like "I saved you in cutscene, if you die now, you die, fam."

That part in Re:Mind where Mickey becomes playable and gets a whole Price of Freedom last stand moment had me in tears, I was laughing so hard from the melodrama of it all. But also the music was genuinely beautiful. It's just... 😂 I'm sorry I loved it so much. I love these games, they're so ridiculous. If someone likes Kingdom Hearts, I can't help but assume they also have a brilliant sense of humor, as well.

Love how every day, Kingdom Hearts becomes more and more Doctor Who. That one battle line from Young Xehanort, the fanatical time traveling icon himself, where he stops time and says "Don't Blink" made me smile.

I really liked that one Vanitas line to Sora- "And I do stand by your side. I'm the shadow that you cast. How much closer could I be?" I am reminded that the main reason I love antagonistic characters is due to their cryptic and occasionally poetic speech patterns.

Speaking of antagonistic characters who are NOT poetic- Master of Masters my GUY! I am consistently delighted to see this guy on screen, he's so loveable- I don't care about his war crimes. Thought it was hilarious how he said "So you're saying the weak feel the need to justify their actions to maintain a sense of self." And it completely goes over Xehanort's head how hard he's justifying his intended actions in that scene. When a guy like the Master of Masters, who seems to pride himself on low involvement passively mentions your strong willed ideologies, I'd get the idea he's silently judging you in his head. "There's no class, really! What happened to letting human nature take its course? Kids these days just can't wait for things to fall into place over the course of millennia anymore." *Cracks open a cold one in the Keyblade Graveyard*

Oh also, Xehanort and Gaius van Baelsar from FFXIV are the same individual in goals and personality and that is immensely hilarious to me. They both have a propensity of taking in orphans that then go through psychological and physical trauma for his agenda, too. You don't understand him, guys! The weak were being propelled into a misguided agenda that controlled the masses, and SOMEONE needed to step up and be the voice of action that would allow the motherland- *ahem* Keyblade Wielders and the worlds to return to their true glory! All these teenagers and twenty-somethings raving to him about friendship and light are too sensitive- they'll give Keyblades to anyone nowadays, and he hates this new woke Keyblade society! Next time, on the Xehanort podcast-

As you can see, at this point in the post my sanity dwindles evermore. So, I'll finish by going over the last major thing that made me spiritually foam at the mouth a little bit:

SECRET ENDING CUTSCENE WAS SO WELL COMPOSED HOLY SHIT. Every single frame was desktop worthy. The LIGHTING. I also like how it looks more Final Fantasy, admittedly. The other style they had in the fancy cutscenes looked a little off-putting with everyone's porcelain doll eyes. But this one? MWAH. BELLISIMO.

The MUSIC. The COLORS. The red/blue thing Sora and Riku kept locking onto while they were gaining their bearings and trying to find each other? The warm/cool tones between each of the boys' sides, both still within an urban setting? The dynamic camera movement that started as slow, unfocused, lingering shots to reflect Sora's (especially) and Riku's disorientation of their new surroundings, all before switching to sudden, sweeping shots over the cityscape as the realization of their circumstances crashes down upon them? Them walking into each other's shots while looking around, showing how they're searching for each other even subconsciously? OH, OH, AND THE RED/BLUE THING CARRIED OVER FOR THE DEFINITELY NOT PLOT RELEVANT (it's not like the game drew attention to how he looks like Sora [I don't see it but whatever] and Riku, and this series has never made character designs plot relevant ever) HETEROCHROMIA IN THE VIDEO GAME GUY TOO, AND YEAH, HE'S THERE LMAO?? Literally did not have "the spoof Riku-esque character from the damn Toy Story World is important and potentially the MCs' secret lovechild" on my Bingo card, but I'm adaptable. I hope that once he and Riku meet there's a Spiderman meme moment. I also hope Sora's like "What? How am I talking to you? You're from a video game!" And Yozora is like "You also are from a video game" and we finally shatter this paltry meta narrative barrier we've been poking at once and for all. Give me more chaos, I must feed.

I was extremely confused as to why Riku was in the same place as Sora, and was like "maybe it's another DDD parallel world separating them from each other" thing, but still, how did he get there in the first place? But then I laughed as I envisioned the natural, sensible progression of this situation in a hypothetical post-Sora disappearance cutscene where everyone stares on, shocked, and Kairi wobbles down the Paopu tree, sobbing, to everyone else on the beach.

Kairi: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, he said he didn't have much time left, but he was happy to spend it with everyone, and he's happy I'm safe and- *sniff* and- I should've asked him something that could help us go after him and-"

Riku: "Don't worry, Kairi. I'll handle this."

Aqua: "Riku, we don't even know where to start, we need to assess the situation!"

Axel: "Aaaand, he's walking away."

Ventus: "What do you think he's planning on doing?"

Terra: "It's Riku. He's a man with a plan. He'll do what he has to to... uhm."

Axel: "Aaaand, he's walking into the ocean."

Kairi: "RIKU, NO-"

Naminé: "RIKU, YOU CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN-"

And from where I left off before getting mercilessly slaughtered by my first Data fight, it's now been a whole year of Absent Sora. Damn. One squad's in hell, Kairi might be in another coma, and Riku's probably gonna take up blindfolds again at this rate. What no Sora does to a mf part 2.

Riku: "We NeEd to BeLieVe in HiM. HiS hEaRt aNd HiS miNd aRe MaDe uP." *Puts his face in his hands* *Silently sobs*

#kingdom hearts 3 first playthrough #kingdom hearts #kh3

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waitimcomingtoo · 2 years

Text

Never Been Kissed ~P.P

chapter nine: the string that pulled me

series masterlist

The first month in treatment didn’t do much, so you were admitted for another. You had to focus on healing so your only form of communication with the outside world was letters. Archer and your friends wrote you once a week and Peter wrote you every day. You never wrote him back, but that didn’t stop him. It’s not that you didn’t want to speak to him. You just knew you needed to heal yourself without any help from him.

After two months, you were put on a train and sent back home. You knocked went to your apartment and actually felt nervous as you knocked on the door. You didn’t wait long before Archer opened it up.

“WELCOME HOME!” Archer cheered as he scooped you up in a hug. He lifted you off the ground and spun around in a circle with you.

“Archer! Put me down!” You laughed as you held on tight.

“I can’t. I’ve missed you too much.” Archer said and squeezed you harder. He put you down after a minute and put his hands on your shoulders. He looked at your face for a minute before breaking into a grin.

“What?” You wondered.

“Your face is fat again. I’ve missed your face.” He grinned before pulling you into another hug. You shut your eyes this time as you hugged your brother, grateful to see him again after two months.

“I’m so happy you’re okay.” Archer mumbled into your ear as he held your face against his shoulder.

“Me too.” You whispered against his chest. You hugged for a another minute before pulling away.

“Come here. We have a celebration to attend.” Archer said as he nodded towards the kitchen. You looked at him in confusion but followed him into the kitchen. On the dinning table, you saw a round cake decorated with sloppy pink frosted. “Welcome home” was written on the cake, looking like someone just wrote the words with their finger.

“You baked me a cake?” You chuckled and looked at his handiwork.

“Yep. And I used Arch-ment paper and everything.” Archer said proudly.

“It’s looks delicious. Thanks Arch.” You squeezed his arm before taking a seat at the table.

“You’re welcome. Are you hungry?” Archer asked as he sat down as well. He put a plate in front of you and himself as you noticed the multiple “welcome home” banners hung up on the walls. You also noticed the pile of handmade cards and flowers on the kitchen table and smiled a little.

“Yeah. Let’s eat.” Your smile grew as you scooted your chair closer to the table. At her smiled as well and picked up a knife. Before he could cut into the cake, your mom came into the room. You froze as the two of you made eye contact. It was silent in the room as Archer placed a large piece of cake onto your plate.

“Hi.” She said and kept her distance from you.

“Hi.” You said flatly.

“Welcome home.” She smiled a little but quickly dropped it.

“Thank you.” You replied and gave Archer a look.

“What are you eating?” She smiled as she looked at the cake on the table.

“Suck my balls, mom.” You stated you stabbed a piece of your cake with your fork.

“Excuse me? What did you just say?”

“She said suck her balls, mom.” Archer deadpanned. Your mom tightened her lips and looked at the cake again.

“If you’re gonna eat that-“

“I know, I know.” You rolled your eyes. “I’ll be bad, right? I’ll gain weight? But you know what? So what? So fucking what if I gain weight? Would that really be the worst thing in the world? I’ll still be me. I’ll still have all my friends. I’ll still have my sense of humor and my personality and every little detail that is unique to me. Would it really matter if the only thing that changed was the number when I step on a scale? It would have zero impact on zero things. The only person who will care or even notice is you. So I’m gonna eat this cake. Because I want to eat this cake.“

It was silent in the room as you and your mom stared at each other. Archer stifled a life as he took a bite of his cake. Your mom gulped and took a seat next to you at the table.

“I was actually gonna ask if I could have a piece.” She said in a soft tone. You and Archer exchanged a surprised look before looking away.

“Oh. Yeah. Of course.” You said and picked up the knife. You went to cut a small piece for her but she spoke up.

“More.” She said and you moved the knife to cut a bigger piece. You picked the piece up and placed it in her plate as you watched her carefully for any explanation for what was happening. You and Archer watched in surprise as your mom would refused to eat gum unless it was sugar free took a bite of the cake.

“Mm. This is really good, Arch.” Your mom complimented when she swallowed her bite. You and Archer looked at each other again and this time, you couldn’t stay quiet.

“I’m so confused right now.” You laughed nervously as you watched your mom eat some more cake. Your mom poked at her cake with her fork before looking at you timidly.

“Once you were admitted, Archer told me I should start seeing a therapist. I go twice a week now. It’s really opened my eyes.” She said quietly, making your eyebrows knit together in confusion.

“Look, I’m not magically a better person.” She admitted. “I wouldn’t even say I’m a good person. I know I have a really long way to go. But I also know that I put enough pressure on you to make you crack. And I know that I had a lot to do with what happened to you. I’m gonna have to unlearn some of the habits myself, but I can promise you I’m not gonna force them on you anymore. I almost lost you. And I was almost the reason you were lost. I’m gonna do better. I’m gonna be better. I promise. I hope you can forgive me.”

Archer and your mother were both looking at you, impatiently waiting for an answer. You gulped and put your fork down before looking at your mom.

“I don’t forgive you.” You told her a you looked into her eyes. She nodded her head and looked down at her plate as if that’s what she expected to hear.

“But I might.” You said after a beat of silence. “One day.”

Your mom looked up at you in surprise and smiled softly. She looked over at Archer, who gave a simple shrug.

“It’s ambiguous.” He said.

“I’ll take ambiguous.” Your mom smiled a little and picked up her fork again. You did the same and took another bite of your cake, feeling like you were giving it directly to your inner child.

“I love cake.” Your mom sighed happily. “I haven’t had cake since my wedding day. I took a bite of my wedding cake and your father told me not to get fat on him. I haven’t eaten cake since then.”

You and Archer exchanged a look, both unsure of how to respond to that. Even after he left, your mom only ever spoke highly of your father. To hear her say something honest about him was unexpected but refreshing.

“Fuck that guy.” You said after a minute.

“Yeah.” Your mom smiled softly. “Fuck that guy.”

You all went back to eating the cake and had a momentary moment of peace in your household. You finished your piece and when Archer offered you another one, you agree. He smiled proudly at you and put another piece of cake on your plate.

“You know that 21 year old your dad left us for?” Your mom asked before taking a bite.

“Yeah?” Archer asked.

“She cheated on him.” Your mom said through a laugh. You and Archer looked at each other before bursting out laughing as well.

“With her cousin!” Your mom added, and your laughter immediately stopped. An awkward silence filled the kitchen but your mom didn’t seem to notice as she happily continued to eat her cake. The doorbell rang suddenly and you felt your heart skip a beat at the thought of who it could be.

“I’ll get it.” Your mom said and ate the last piece of her cake. You chatted with Archer as your mom went to the front door and opened it.

“Sweetie?” She called from the foyer.

“Yeah mom?”

“There’s a Peter here to see you.” She called back. You were mid bite when as Peter and your mom walked into the kitchen. You stopped chewing and froze as Peter gave you a shy smile.

“Hi.” He said quietly.

“Hi. We were just eating some cake. Did you want some?” You asked in an attempt to fill any awkward silence that might arise.

“Sure.” Peter smiled at the sight of you eating cake and sat down. He scooted his chair closer to you and took his backpack off. You watched as he unzipped it and pulled out a small bouquet of flowers.

“Um, I believe it was boyfriend lesson number 14 that said you like to be brought flowers.” Peter smiled shyly as he handed you the bouquet. You smiled in surprise and took the flowers from him. They looked a lot cheaper then the other bouquets and flowers arrangements you had around your apartment from other people, but in your eyes, the ones from Peter were the most beautiful.

“Thank you. They’re lovely.” You said as you set them down on the table. Peter smiled in relief before going back into his backpack. He pulled out a pack of those soft, round, sugar cookies with frosting that you found at groceries stories.

“I also brought you some cookies. I remember you saying you liked these.” Peter said as he handed you the package. When you took the package from him, you noticed that the part of the wrapper that said the amount of calories had been ripped off. You stared at the missing part of the wrapper and felt yourself getting emotional. It was a simply gesture for him to rip that part off, but it meant the world to you.

“I do.” You said quietly, praying your voice wouldn’t crack. You took a deep breath and collected yourself before smiling at Peter.

“I do. I love these cookies. And I love that you got me the ones with the pink frosting.” You told him as you put the cookies down on the counter.

“Of course. I had to get you your favorite color.” Peter said simply. What he didn’t say was that he went to three different stores until he found the ones with the pink frosting. It was August now, so all the cookies he found were the red, white, and blue ones left over from the forth of July. He needed to bring you the perfect ones since this was the first time he’d be seeing you since you were admitted, which is why he went to three different stores.

“Do you wanna go talk in my room?” You asked him, pulling him out of this thoughts. Peter smiled in relief and nodded his head.

“I’d love to.”

“Thanks for the cake, Arch.” You said as you stood up from the table. You took Peters hand, just like old times, and pulled him towards your bedroom. You shut the door once you were inside and sat down on your bed. Peter stayed standing, not wanting to overcrowd you. Neither of you had any idea what your relationship was at this point. The last things you said were that you loved each other, but neither of you wanted to bring that up. You were technically never together, so you didn’t know if what you were going through qualified as a breakup. You sat in awkward silence for a minute until Peter broke it. He took his backpack off and unzipped it while you watched.

“I also brought you this.” He said as he pulled something out of his bag.

“My prom dress?” You chuckled in surprise when he pulled the silky dusty rose gown out of his bag. You had forgotten all about it until now.

“Yeah. They gave it to me when I brought you to the hospital since that had to change you into a hospital gown. I’ve held on to it for you.” Peter explained in a shy voice. You stood up from the bed and touched your dress, feeling like it was a costume more then your own clothing. The material of the dress felt foreign to you now as you ran your fingers on it. Peter watched you as you touched the dress, knowing you were probably reliving that night in great detail.

“Wanna burn it?” Peter asked suddenly, making you look up in surprise.

“No.” You said, and Peter immediately nodded in understanding.

“I want to cut it to pieces.” You continued, making Peter smile. He sat down on your floor as you grabbed a two pairs of scissors from your dresser. You sat down beside Peter and gave him a pair before picking up a corner of the dress. You took a deep breath before cutting off a piece of the dress. Peter watched you carefully for a reaction and was relived when a smile tugged at your lips. You cut another piece, then another, then another. Peter started to cut it up as well but went slowly so you could do more. You had a determined look on your face as you cut the dress into tiny little pieces. When you finished, you sat in the pile of dress scraps and let out a loud sigh.

“That felt really good.” You laughed in surprise and picked up a pile of scraps before throwing them in the air like leaves.

“I bet it did.” Peter smiled fondly at you. You looked at him and took in his appearance, noticing that his hair was longer and skin darker.

“You look good, by the way.” You told him. “You look tan.”

“Thanks. I’ve spent a lot of time outside.” Peter chuckled and scratched the back of his neck. Your smile faltered a little as you were reminded of all the things you had missed out on while in treatment. Summer was almost over and you had spent the majority of it indoors taking about eating. Peter noticed your expression and put a hand on your knee.

“You look really good too. Like, really really good. Better then I’ve ever seen you.” He said sincerely.

“Thanks.” You smiled softly. “I feel good, too. Really good, actually. You know I haven’t worn makeup in two months? I didn’t bring any to the recovery center so I just went bare faced everyday. I’ve never gone that long without it.”

“You look great without it. I think you look beautiful when you’re all done up, but I’ve missed your bare face.” Peter said as he rubbed your knee with his hand. You looked down at where his hand was before placing your hand on top of his.

“I’m sorry I didn’t write you back.” You said quietly.

“It’s okay. I didn’t expect you to. I just wanted you to know I was there for you.”

You smiled a little and looked over at your bag, where you had a shoebox filled with letters from Peter. You looked back down at your hands and sighed.

“Did you also know that the last words we said to each other were that we loved each other?” You asked without looking up at him.

“I did know that. I’ve thought about that every day since I saw you last.” Peter answered honestly. You sat in silence for a minute as you held hands, finding comfort in each other’s touch.

“Do you still love me?” You asked quietly as you slowly looked at Peter. He gave you a soft smile and nodded his head.

“Always.” He told you. You broke into a smile and slipped your hand into his instead of just having it on top of his.

“Cool.” You said and gave his hand a squeeze. Peter brought his hand up to his lips and kissed the back of it before putting it back down in his lap.

“I like the scar, by the way. It makes you look really cool. And very badass.” Peter complimented as he pointed to your facial scar. You reached up and touched your scar with your free hand, having forgotten it was even there. The cut from your fall had healed into a thick scar going across your face.

“Thanks. I kinda feel like Prince Zuko.” You smirked and stopped touching the scar.

“Who?” Peter wondered.

“From Avatar?” You looked at him in confusion.

“Oh. I never watched that movie.”

“It’s a show. You haven’t seen the show?” You asked with raised eyebrows.

“No. I haven’t.” Peter shook his head. You titled your head to the side as an idea came to you.

“Do you want to stay for a while and watch it?” You asked with a coy smile. Peters entire face lit up and he immediately nodded his head.

“Yeah. I do.”

“Cool.” You smiled shyly and looked away. You sat in comfortable silence for a minute, still holding hands. Peter looked around you room, looking untouched since the last time he saw it.

“Do you by any chance remember what number we were up to for the lessons?” You asked after a minute.

“No, I don’t. Somewhere in the fifties, I think. Why?”

“I was just wondering.” You shrugged. “Because between you and me, I think you’re gonna make a perfect boyfriend. I don’t have anything left to teach you.”

You felt yourself getting emotional all of the sudden and slipped your hand out of Peters. Your eyes flicked to the calendar, which was still on June. You could see the 23rd and 24th circled with “PROM” and “GRADUATION” written in bold letters. Only it wasn’t June, it was August. You’d been going off to college at the end of the month and so would Peter.

“Some girl is going to be really lucky to have you as her boyfriend.” You smiled sadly at him as your voice cracked.

“And Brad Davis is gonna be really lucky to have you as his girlfriend.” Peter said seriously, making your jaw drop. He cracked a smile first, then you. You both burst out laughing and leaned into each other.

“You’re truly hilarious. A real comedian you are.” You said as you playfully rolled your eyes at him. Peter laughed as well and smiled at the sight of you. It had been so long since he had seen you happy that he felt like he could cry just from the sight of you. Once your laughter died down, you looked at Peter.

“I don’t want him.” You said seriously. “I never wanted him. It’s always been you, Peter. I’ve always wanted you.”

“I’ve always wanted you too.” Peter smiled softly. You returned the smile as your eyes dropped to his lips. Peter noticed this and gulped a little before scooting closer to you.

“Remember when we said there would be no strings attached?” Peter asked you, eyes on your lips as well.

“Yeah.” You said softly. “I do.”

“I think I’m tangled in you.” He said with a soft smile. You returned the smile and reached over to take his hand again.

“And I think I’m okay with that. If my strings are tied to you, then I’m gonna be okay.”

“You are gonna be okay. You pulled yourself through. And I am so proud of you for that.” Peter said as he gave your hand a squeeze.

“Thanks, Peter. I don’t know what I’m gonna do without you once school starts.” You smiled softly and wiped a tear that had fallen.

“You don’t have to be without me. Not if you were my girlfriend.” Peter said, finally saying what he should have said the night of your prom. Your face lit up before softening into a smile.

“Really? You want to do this thing for real?”

“I do. I want to be with you. I’ve always wanted to be with you.” Peter told you. “I think we could do this if we tried. I could swing to you on weekends or you could steal Archers car and come see me. And we could be happy. We could be really happy. We could put all those lessons to use and just be together. Let’s stop pretending and be in love already.”

“Wow. That was some monologue.” You said with the playful smirk.

“Well I’ve been in love with you since fourth grade. I’ve had some time to perfect it.” Peter smiled as well. You laughed softly and looked back down at your intertwined hands.

“What are you thinking?” Peter asked after a minute.

“I think I’m in love with you, Peter Parker. I’m in love with you and I want us to be together.”

“I want that too.” He smiled in relief. “Under one condition, though.”

“What’s your condition?”

“We have to be honest with each other. No more secrets. We need open communication no matter what we’re going through. That’s the only way this thing will work.”

“I can agree to that.” You nodded.

“So we have a deal?” Peter asked and held out his hand. You put your hand on his to shake it but instead pulled him by the hand into a kiss. He kissed you back after getting over the i rial surprise and melted into the kiss. Once you pulled apart, you rested your foreheads against one another.

“Yeah.” You smiled. “We have a deal.”

tag list 💋

@yeswhatever33 @local-mr-frog @laamaking @edgycatx @ivorysdinonuggies @wvndavwsion

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker imagine #peter parker x y/n #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland fluff #tom holland x y/n #tom holland fanfiction

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yeosatinyngz · 1 year

Note

Hello♡! if you have any time, could you write about a reader who gets insecure for her body, but her s/o comforts her. If possibly also, could you do a character from blue lock? Thank you and sorry if I bothered you (｡>﹏<). Have a nice day!૮(づ˶ᵔᴗᵔ˶)づ♡

Hi! I’m so sorry for getting to this now but I literally had no idea who to write for so I just chose Kunigami since I’m sure he would be the loveliest bf. Don’t be sorry, you didn’t bother me at all and thank you, you have a nice day as well! ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

Needed comfort

↳GN Reader | Fluff

You looked down at the scale and then back up at the mirror. Face breaking out into a look of horror upon the numbers you just saw and the way your reflection looked. You immediately shoved the scale under the bed and hid your mirror into your closet. Squeezing your eyes shut with your fingers tangled up in your hair out of frustration, you wanted all your worries to disappear.

As soon as the negative thoughts started pouring into your head the sound of your phone went off pulling you out of your thoughts. You grabbed a hold of your phone checking to see that it was your beloved S/O that was calling you. You quickly picked up the call and answered, “Hello?” “Hi, I was wondering if we could meet up right now?” “Now?” You questioned as you grit your teeth from not wanting to step foot outside into the judgemental society.

Sensing that your tone was off he brushed the idea off, “If now is not a good time we can always see each other another day.” “No it’s alright, let’s meet up.” You say making up your mind that if you’re with him it’ll be alright because being with him is always your safe space. “I’ll be there in 10 minutes and then we can go eat something.” “Alright, see you!” After the call you panicked a little on what to wear trying to find one that covered your body completely.

When Kunigami picked you up, you awkwardly walked next to him. He saw that you looked uncomfortable and that you were shifting your trench coat an awful lot to try to cover yourself. He reasoned that it was probably you adjusting your coat because you were cold. However when you both arrived at the restaurant of his choosing and you chose to skip on a meal was when he grew suspicious of your actions.

He insisted on you getting something to eat and in the end you did pick something to eat. After you both finished the meal he grabbed your hand and dragged you to the park. “Is something the matter? You’ve been acting a little strange.” You directed your eyes to the ground, “It’s silly.” He grabbed hold of your face and turned it towards him, looking into your eyes, “Your feelings are never silly, please tell me what’s going on.”

You quietly mumble out, “I’ve been feeling really insecure about my body recently.” His eyes widened at your words, immediately responding, “I don’t know why you’ve been feeling this way but I hope you know that you’re perfect just the way you are.” He grabbed you by your waist and crushed you into a hug. “I’m so lucky to have such a partner like you, who is beautiful inside and out” He whispered into your ear. And this was exactly why you always felt safe around him, this was why you fell in love with him in the first place.

#blue lock #blue lock fluff #blue lock scenarios #blue lock imagines #blue lock x reader #blue lock x you #bllk x reader #bllk x you #blue lock kunigami #kunigami rensuke #rensuke kunigami #rensuke kunigami x reader #kunigami x reader #yeosatinyngz

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dolphin1812 · 1 year

Text

The third paragraph of this chapter is really long, but it’s actually only two sentences (although there’s a very real possibility that I miscounted - either way, it’s definitely not a lot of sentences for its length). The first sentence consists of the events of the battle. As I’ve noted before, the “lists” for casualties and military events resemble epic poetry and make the battle feel overwhelming and chaotic. While the names included here might have been more familiar to a reader in the 1860s, I’d imagine that the sheer quantity of information would still be hard to process, and the lack of a true break (as it’s all one sentence) enhances that feeling of being bombarded. This is particularly true because of how long the first sentence is. It takes up most of the paragraph, and this is the longest paragraph in this chapter.

The second sentence is still fairly long, but it’s short enough to include here:

“Napoleon was accustomed to gaze steadily at war; he never added up the heart-rending details, cipher by cipher; ciphers mattered little to him, provided that they furnished the total—victory; he was not alarmed if the beginnings did go astray, since he thought himself the master and the possessor at the end; he knew how to wait, supposing himself to be out of the question, and he treated destiny as his equal: he seemed to say to fate, Thou wilt not dare.”

If the first sentence was about the chaos of battle (in contrast to Napoleon’s “admirable” plan, as discussed in the preceding paragraphs), this one “zooms out” by “zooming in:” by focusing on Napoleon, we see the battle as a step towards his goal rather than an unpredictable and messy conflict. At the same time, we also stop seeing the combatants as people. We may not recognize the names of all of the combatants, but many of them are there in the long first sentence; Hugo tells us who is doing what, and when he can’t give names, he gives numbers (for example: “eighteen hundred men overthrown”). To Napoleon, all of these people are “ciphers,” which “matter little to him” as long as he wins. His strategy may be “admirable,” then, from a technical standpoint, but his perspective is also a callous one. He also doesn’t see himself as vulnerable to the violence of war in the same way his men are, “supposing himself to be out of the question;” he assumes not only that he’s destined to win, but that he’s invulnerable.

The subsequent paragraph is also very interesting:

“Composed half of light and half of shadow, Napoleon thought himself protected in good and tolerated in evil. He had, or thought that he had, a connivance, one might almost say a complicity, of events in his favor, which was equivalent to the invulnerability of antiquity.”

Firstly: the light and shadow symbolism is back! And it’s with a reference to the classics! The “half” of light/shadow brings back the image of the phantoms struggling over Napoleon’s memory, but here (now that we’re seeing things from his perspective), they’re both overshadowed by his (perceived) power. What mattered was not his good or bad deeds (which he thought were “protected” or “tolerated,” respectively), but his “complicity” with destiny, which he felt was in his favor. Therefore, his actions couldn’t be judged on the same scale as those of others (a concerning idea that, as we saw with his judgment in the eyes of the populace, was very wrong). Seeing himself as possessing something equal to the “invulnerability of antiquity,” he couldn’t imagine failure.

Spoilers below:

But who actually possesses the “invulnerability of antiquity” in this novel?

Technically, no one does, as no one is completely invulnerable. But one character does come closer than any other: Enjolras. He’s constantly compared to classical figures and is unscathed by the battle at the barricades up until he dies. And while he believed the barricade would succeed to an extent (more in the sense that he had hope that it would than he believed that he was Destiny, but he wouldn’t have rebelled if he hadn’t thought there was a chance), he approaches battle very differently from Napoleon. He saw everyone at the barricade as a person, not a “cipher.” We see that he values his friends, and many men there are given the option of escaping by him and his friends so that their families don’t have to suffer from their deaths (showing a recognition of the personal lives of each man even when we don’t know how well they all knew each other). Enjolras’ comparative invulnerability, then, glorifies him in comparison to Napoleon in the same way his strategy does. The Empire reduces people to numbers for the sake of one man’s glory, but the Republic cares about the circumstances of each of them and is stronger for it.

#les mis letters #lm 2.1.8 #waterloo #napoleon #enjolras #this section keeps reminding me of the barricades and it's making me sad

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thegrapeandthefig · 1 year

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What brought you to focus on Thasos?

It really took this question to realize I never addressed this, even though I thought I did. In short, it all came down to one inscription found on the island.

The inscription itself has long been considered “unpublished”, which in this case meant it had been translated once, in French, in the 1960s, by the archaeologists and historians who were working on excavating Thasos at the time. In the 90s, Swiss historian Anne-Francoise Jaccottet wrote a thesis on Dionysiac associations in the Greco-Roman world, and that’s where I found it first. Getting my hands on the thesis alone was a strike of luck, since when I began looking for it (because I saw it often cited in papers I’d read) it was only available on command from the university for a price in the 100s of euros. Until, in 2020, the author herself put the whole thing on academia.edu for free. Happenstance and all that.

Anyway, the reason why this particular inscription caught my attention out of the whole corpus of documents in the thesis was that it described vividly something linked to a UPG I had months prior. At the time I took note of the inscription as something to come back to later because I wasn’t sure what to do with the info. Confirmation was nice, but truly had no idea what to do with it.

A year or so later, I noticed that the same author had written and - again - put online for free, an article from 2018 on that specific inscription in collaboration with Stephanie Wyler (whose line of work tends to revolve around Dionysus in the roman context) and on the same element that resonated with my UPG. That is, the idea of a canopy of greenery/vines as an important ephemeral setup for worship, which is something that we can also catch glimpses of in literature:

“The flame, dividing, dimly outlines a cave for Dionysus more charming than any in Assyria and Lydia; for sprays of ivy grow luxuriantly about it and clusters of ivy berries and now grape-vines and stalks of thyrsus which spring up from the willing earth, so that some grow in the very fire.” - Philostratus the Elder, Imagines 1.13 (or 1.14 on theoi.com), 3rd century AD

The Thasian inscription, however, dates back from the 1st century AD and is a private dedication of a sanctuary to Dionysus from a man named Timokleides. He is described as being a doctor from Thasos and as being at the head of the dionysiac association (thiasos) that would be using this sanctuary. I could do a whole post about this alone, but the point is that it’s from there that I got the hutch to look at where the inscription came from in the first place.

That research led me to the realization that it was a very documented island, in big part because it has been excavated for decades but also because the ancient city/island used to be renowned for its wine, its marble and its gold, thanks to nearby mines on the Thracian coast. It led me to see that the calendar was in a workable state, that we had a decent list of attested festival and a very fair number of smaller sacrifial rules and miscellaneous inscriptions.

Another, more personal, reason why Thasos was a good fit was the geographical proximity with Lampsakos, Thrace and Moesia Inferior where I have (limited) elements concerning the presence of Priapus. Thasos is also known for having important examples of thysia, that is sacrifices for heroes in which the sacrifices were eaten by the worshippers, which goes against what is typically described as the norm in ancient Greek religion on a larger scale, but which also line up more closely with my personal experience.

All of these factors combined made Thasos a particularly good match for me. It felt a lot like finally putting together mismatched pieces of information into something that made sense.

#this is a mess of a post because there's just so many small little things #but overall it just worked out very well #thasian recon

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sassykai10 · 1 year

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Just Let Me Breath

Summary:

"He cupped his hands and filled them, then ran them over his bare face.

He felt the marks of his eternal scars pass under his fingertips.

Hard lines of memories that had branded him, preventing him from forgetting every time he saw his face in the mirror. That was why he never looked at himself.

That was why he did not want anyone to look at him."

Ghost has a dissociation moment.

Warnings: Angst, Dissociation, Derealization, Panic Attack, Anxiety

Please, If you don’t feel confident to read it, just don’t! Take care!

------------------------------------------

It was a cold mid-November evening.

The base was completely silent, except for the few soldiers on watch for the evening.

Price had let the guys from Task Force 141 off so they could rest before their new mission somewhere in Europe.

The captain had gone back to his office to sort out some paperwork. Gaz had run back to his room as soon as he had been given the all-clear. Ghost had intended to return to his room to get just enough rest, but Soap would not let him go until the middle of the night.

It was just past midnight.

The sergeant and lieutenant were in a quiet little room on the base. They had decided to pass the time by playing cards, chatting - Soap especially - and drinking something strong to help them fall asleep better later.

"Boom! - the sergeant threw a double pair onto the table - how do ye respond to this excellent play, LT?" he observed him amused with a big grin on his face. Proud of his cards.

Ghost looked at him. He felt the corners of his mouth turn up just enough to give the idea of a small smile under his balaclava.

Ghost slowly lowered the cards in his hand, a scale of alternating black and red cards ascending from number four to eight.

"Shite..." huffed Soap as he rolled his eyes and tapped his thigh with one hand.

He then moved to settle himself better in the chair. His hands slid over his face and lightly tapped his cheeks. He took the shot glass and poured himself some Drambuie, a liquor his parents had left him the last time he had visited them.

He raised his glass slightly and after carefully contemplating his choice, downed the contents in one gulp.

When he had finished he banged the glass so hard on the table that Ghost was already thinking of Price's face when he found out the next day that Soap had broken something because he was half drunk. Fortunately, nothing broke.

"Whoa! - Johnny shook his head left and right as if to clear his hangover, then looked Ghost straight in the eye with new resolve, his Scottish accent growing stronger - A'm waantin' a rematch!"

"Whatever you say, McTavish," replied the superior calmly, amused.

The two spent another half hour playing and when it was time to return to the room, Ghost was forced to help the sergeant.

In no time at all, he had drained about half the liquor he had brought and was now unable to stand.

"LT... - called him back chuckling - how come yer not as drunk as me? Ye've been drinking too..." he hummed drunkenly.

"I can hold my liquor just fine Johnny"

"Tis nae fair though..." he pouted.

"What?"

"I want tae be like ya when I grow up..." he joked chuckling.

Ghost took a few seconds before replying.

"You'll be better than me, Johnny."

"Hmm. Maybe, but I'll never be as cool as ye" and laughed belly-first.

Ghost felt himself smiling slightly.

It had been so long since he had spent the evening pressed in the company of someone who could make him feel good and prevent his mind from returning to all those horrible memories of the past.

When he was with Johnny, he felt like Simon Riley, not Ghost.

But this thought, as nice as it was, made him uncomfortable. A certain sense of anxiety and nausea tightened his chest.

Johnny had been able to bring a part of Ghost out into the open, something he had been hiding for years since it had fallen into Manuel Roba's hands.

Maybe the man wasn't completely dead. Right...?

'Lt! - Soap snapped his fingers in front of his eyes to rouse him from his trance - we're here!" he laughed.

"Hmm," he muttered in agreement.

Johnny took the room keys from the pocket of his military suit trousers and with difficulty managed to slip them into the keyhole. With a turn he opened the door.

"Finally some rest!" he sniggered as he made his way to his perfectly made-up bed according to the strict rules of the barracks.

With a leap, the sergeant threw himself onto the mattress and moved over the sheets to find a good sleeping position, crumpling and unravelling them.

Despite not being a dog person, Ghost had always thought that Johnny actually resembled a Golden Retriever in character, especially when he was drunk.

Seeing him tossing and turning on the sheets, it felt like watching a dog turn in the kennel before going to sleep.

"LT...! - Johnny called him back in a whiny voice - goodnight!" and smiled at him through wide smile before resting his head on the pillow and falling asleep.

Ghost watched him for a few seconds before turning on his heels.

"'Night Johnny" he mumbled, grinning slightly as he closed the door behind him.

The corridor was silent.

Ghost's footsteps could not be heard, that was a characteristic of him. He had been trained to be a weapon, and as such he had to be able to move silently, on the tips of his toes, to sneak up on his enemies and sever their carotid artery with a single blow from behind.

Even if he had wanted to, that part of himself would never have changed and no matter how hard he tried, some of the things Roba and his people had put in his head, he would never be able to forget them, many of the traumas had changed him so much that they left everlasting scars in his mind.

He took a long breath as he began to feel his heart beat faster.

Remembering what he had been through was certainly not helpful, especially if he already had to deal with these traumas at night with nightmares that lasted for hours on end and always woke him up with his throat closed and tears threatening to fall down his cheeks.

With long strides he finished walking down the corridor and after entering his room he slowly closed the door behind him, making sure the key made two turns in the keyhole. Being cautious and anticipating any possible enemy attack, especially in his sleep, was one of the answers to the traumas he had been carrying around since his return to action.

He removed his boots and jacket, carefully placing them in order near the entrance.

He glanced at the clock on the bedside table by the bed. 00:43.

He could feel his heart still in his throat, pounding and pounding in his ears.

Fuck...

Quickly he headed for the bathroom and with a sudden gesture tore the skull balaclava off his head, a reminder of what he had become.

He did not even look at himself in the mirror and turned on the water in the sink. He cupped his hands and filled them, then ran them over his bare face.

He felt the marks of his eternal scars pass under his fingertips.

Hard lines of memories that had branded him, preventing him from forgetting every time he saw his face in the mirror. That was why he never looked at himself. That was why he did not want anyone to look at him.

He wiped water over his face several times, as if unconsciously trying to eliminate all traces of the growing anxiety he felt in his chest.

Anxiety about what then?

He didn't know either, but his mind travelled so fast that it could be anything: the mission, the night, the nightmares, his relationship with Johnny and the other team members, his fear of not being enough...

All kinds of thoughts of this kind ran through his unconscious continuously, without giving him a moment of peace.

He just wanted to be able to breathe.

To forget everything he had suffered for, but he knew that would be impossible.

He looked up and saw himself in the mirror.

He had done it without realising it and now he regretted it.

His face was milky white, decorated with heavy and numerous pink scars cutting across his forehead, neck, jaw and lips, and his nose was slightly crooked from all the blows he had suffered.

He looked into his eyes, so dark brown that he wasn't sure if he was really looking at the colour of the irises or inside his soul.

He felt and saw his eyebrows arch imperceptibly upwards. The corners of his eyes began to itch uncomfortably.

His hands clung tightly to the edge of the sink to seek support with the reality he knew was disappearing.

For a few seconds he still saw himself reflected in the mirror, then he saw nothing more.

His head was whirling dangerously and his mouth was completely dry. He felt his legs and arms begin to stop supporting him. His balance was precarious.

For a tiny fraction of time he remembered standing in the bathroom, facing the mirror.

The more he looked at himself, the more he wondered if that person in front of him was really him, Ghost, not Simon. He tried to convince himself of that somehow.

He was certain that Simon was no longer there.

But then who was that man in front of him?

In a few moments consciousness slipped from his hands, before returning to his mind, all of a few seconds apart.

He had to force himself to remember where he was, who he was.

His mind was distracted and before long he found himself immersed in a strange, but not unusual feeling of disorientation.

Now he was no longer sure where he was.

Blurred images appeared before his eyes and when he tried to close them he could not.

His head spun lighter, increasing the feeling of nausea that knocked at the pit of his stomach.

He suddenly felt his body become weak, as if he were floating.

Then he saw him, or rather, he saw himself.

The man before him was standing somewhere, not sure where he was.

He could see his blond hair, but his face was blurred.

What did he look like?

He knew, of course he knew!

So why couldn't he remember?

When he saw him turn around, he felt the taste of bile rise beyond his stomach, up his esophagus.

The blond-haired man had the face of a skull, no eyes, no mouth, just an aggregation of pieces of bone.

He felt a slight movement and his mind began to whirl again, wiping the man out of sight.

...Simon...

His name reached his ears in a distant, distorted way.

He turned his gaze to see where it came from, but no one came forward.

Around him only darkness.

Darkness, darkness and being alone.

He shifted his eyes left and right, above and below, where he hoped to find a light, something to help him escape the sudden panic he felt in his chest.

He felt his body as if lying down.

And suddenly the blurred but familiar image of the coffin's interior took him by surprise.

The air began to run out quickly.

He tried to move within that cramped space to find something useful to get out, again.

The jaw... he thought as he felt around, only to realise he couldn't move.

He was going to die there.

He had managed to escape the first time, but he had been pardoned and now, by some strange twist of fate, he would have to relive those interminable minutes again without being able to move or breathe.

His life would end there.

Simon...!

The same voice reached him a second time, more clearly.

He closed his eyes tightly.

He tried to struggle as much as he could, to no avail.

He had to escape at any cost!

When he opened them wide, he was no longer in the coffin.

He felt he could breathe better, however with difficulty.

He looked around again and saw for the second time the so familiar body of a man with ash-blond hair.

He was standing, his shoulders arched slightly forward.

He approached.

He saw him trembling.

He looked closely at his face: his eyes were fixed in front of him, lost in something that even he did not know what it was. He could see that he was biting down hard on his upper lip, just enough to be bleeding. His cheeks were streaked with tears.

It pained him to see that man suffer like that.

Him?

Who was he pitying?

That man?

Who was he?

Who was that man?

Where was he?

Shit...! Shit!

Simon!

It's all right...!

... Johnny?

He opened his eyes wide.

His head was spinning as if in a spiral, his vision was still blurry.

He felt his quick breath go in and out of his mouth.

He had to stop. He had to catch his breath.

His heart was pounding loudly in his ears.

He had to regain his self-awareness somehow.

Three things he could smell.

The faint smell of the shampoo he had used the day before. The aftershave. The faint smell of cigarettes.

Three things he could touch.

His sweatpants. His arm. The cold edge of the sink.

Three things he could see.

His hands clinging desperately to the sanitary. His toothbrush in a glass on the small cupboard nearby. Himself in the reflection.

Inhale. Exhale.

Repeat.

Ghost closed his eyes and forcefully ran his hands over his face.

He needed to detach himself from that mirror. He needed to get out of there.

Fuck...

He ran a hand through his hair as he shakily made his way to the bedroom.

The anxiety was still there, but he felt decidedly more self-conscious.

He saw the balaclava on the floor and bent to pick it up.

Putting it on meant going back to being Ghost, the man he was meant to be. A confidence to gain full control of his body.

He passed the mask around his head and took a deep breath.

A - wrong - feeling of peace embraced him, making him feel safer.

He sat on the edge of the bed taking his face, now masked, in his hands.

He took more long breaths trying to calm himself in the last moment of the panic attack.

He looked up and glanced at the clock. 1:03.

Only a quarter of an hour had passed since he had entered his bedroom after leaving Johnny drunk in his room.

The feeling of helplessness seized him, making him break into a cold sweat.

So little had passed and he had experienced the moment as if it had been hours.

He could not remember what had happened, but he must have had a moment of derealisation and dissociation, something he had been experiencing for years, but was not used to.

How had he managed to come to his senses this time?

His mind strained to remember.

The memory of a male voice, heard many times before, made its way from his unconscious.

"Johnny...- he sighed quietly, his eyes open in amazement- fuck..."

He didn't know if that was good or bad.

He knew that the sergeant could be trusted enough by now.

He didn't want him to get too close to Ghost. He didn't want him to run away once he got to know him better and especially didn't want to risk putting him in danger.

On the other hand, however, a deep desire in his heart wanted someone to at least try to help him, to save him from the idea of a life lived only as Ghost and not also as Simon, who in one way or another still existed in his mind.

He was afraid that a good soul like Johnny might change him, not knowing what awaited him once he got so close to someone.

Ghost shifted on the bed to stand with his back against the wall, the pillow behind his back.

He curled in on himself, closing his legs and tucking them against his chest.

He hid his head between his knees and his hands gripped his feet tightly.

He would wait until he fell asleep, then the day would begin with a wake-up call and preparations for the mission ahead.

Everything would be exactly as it always was.

#simon riley #ghost cod #ghost angst #angs

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clear-sticker · 1 year

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Things I've learned on my body acceptance journey

I call it my body acceptance journey instead of my body-positive journey because, in all honesty, I've found it too difficult to truly be positive about my body.

It felt too daunting. I felt like I was deluding myself. I tried "fake it til I make it", but it felt like trying to force myself into an ideology I could never fully believe.

I have struggled with disordered eating and body dysmorphia for many years. I would be lying if I told you I was completely rid of negative self talk and toxic ideation in regards to my appearance. However, I've learned to implement important mental exercises to help stop unhelpful, damaging thoughts from taking root in my mind again.

My therapist told me,

"if it is too challenging to be body-positive, then shoot for acceptance."

That greatly shifted my perception. The barrier to entry was lowered, and I felt that was something I could buy into.

Instead of the voice in my head telling me I'm not enough — I told myself,

"This is where I am. This vessel carries me through life, and I'm grateful for that. It's been with me my whole life through good and bad. It's a body that deserves to be respected."

This is a mindset that could not have been achieved without action. To get here I had to show my body the kindness and respect it deserves by continuously working on it. Just like any other relationship, if you neglect it and refuse to put in any effort to constantly grow a deeper connection, the relationship will deteriorate. That is why it was imperative that:

I stopped depriving my body of fuel. I stopped letting my mobility decrease and my muscles to atrophy. I took time to practice self care daily.

This helped me to stop feeling sorry for the things I saw in others that I didn't or couldn't have. Instead, I focused on the things I could improve — milestones I could achieve.

I could go to the gym and push myself to get stronger with each session. I could improve my flexibility and mobility each day. I could dedicate time and energy to take better care of myself through self care. I could enrich my mind through reading and learning new things.

Building myself up to that point took a long time. It took extremely difficult therapy sessions. It took a ton of introspection and mindfulness. It took seeing each day as an opportunity to be the person I always wanted to be. That takes discipline, and discipline is a muscle that needs to be trained each day through the development and implementation of positive habits.

In the beginning it was especially hard because I didn't have respect for myself. However, just like any exercise, the more you do it the easier it gets. Each daily habit I tacked on, the more proud I was of who I was becoming.

There are times when I long for the sense of power restricting gave me. I sometimes miss the high it gave me. It was intoxicating to fantasize about becoming the girls in my thinspo folder. It was addictive to hate myself. It was easier that way. But building the mental fortitude to be better through respecting myself is far more gratifying than seeing a number on a scale drop.

Things do getter better.

tl;dr:

I couldn't fully accept and have pride in myself until I started focusing on the things I have control over.

The more you do hard things like steeling your mind to negative ideation and putting in the effort to improve your body the easier it gets.

You don't have to be perfect every day. You just have to do your best to show up as the person you believe you deserve to be.

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waitingforwinterwinds · 1 year

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A Clash of Kings - 47 ARYA IX (pages 609-627)

Northmen arrive as prisoners at Harrenhal, and Arya uses her third Name to coerce Jaqen into staging a jailbreak. Jaqen H'ghar leaves the party.

"There's ghosts, I know there is. (...) Pia saw something in the buttery last night." Arya made a rude noise. Pia was always seeing things in the buttery. usually they were men.

Ha! well, as long as it's all consensual, more power to her.

"I need a whole tray. Ser Armory is partial to them." Arya hated Ser Armory. "Let's spit on them."

Arya has regained enough of her moxy to be viciously petty. I love that for her. As long as it doesn't get her into trouble.

"And if we did escape, where would we go?" ... "I'm a 'prentice smith, and one day might be I'll make a master armorer... if I don't run off and lose my feet or get myself killed." He turned away from her, picked up his hammer once more, and began to bang. Arya's hands curled into helpless fists. "The next helm you make, put mule's ears on it place of bull's horns!"

Gendry has a good point. The number of guards might be severely reduced, but it's way more than two, they'd be out numbered in a jiffy. And on the very slim chance they did escape, Winterfell is a long way from Harrenhal, across contested countryside with injured men.

Arya's finally getting some of her confidence back, feeling like she can make a difference even if she knows it's all small scale and immediate, and now she's back to feeling helpless because she can't help the men loyal to her family. She's being forced to realise how much of that power she now wields is an illusion, when she's standing so close to what should be a major boon in resources and allies.

I just hope she doesn't do anything rash.

"A girl will weep. A girl will lose her only friend." "You're not my friend. A friend would help me." She stepped away from him, balanced on the balls of her feet in case he threw his knife. "I'd never kill a friend." Jaqen's smile came and went. "A girl might... name another name then, if a friend did help?" "A girl might," she said. "If a friend did help."

two things.

1: so in the show they have this giant room in the back of the House of Black and White which is like a face library right? I don't know if it's canon to the books, but they the show does. And I just thought it would be so awkward if, like, any number of people can borrow a face at the same time and if they get killed while wearing it that's fine, it's still available for others, more like an e-book than a physical copy, with the original kept in the vault UNLESS this sort of situation in which a faceless man is directly tasked to kill one of their identities. Then the face is destroyed and no one ever gets to borrow it again.

I feel like that may not have made a lot of sense. (It also definitely isn't a thing because Arya sees Jaqen later in the show, but that's not the point. Also consider personality hive minds.)

2. Lalu fufufu shabala fabala fabala fabala fabala fabala fabala

If you get that reference: I am so sorry. But it has ruined this scene for me. Arya's out here being clever and my brain skipped sideways and I started cacking.

"I take back the name." ... "The debt is paid," Arya agreed reluctantly. She felt a little sad. Now she was just a mouse again. "A god has his due. And now a man must die." A strange smile touched the lips of Jaqen H'ghar. "Die?" she said, confused. What did he mean? "But I unsaid the name. You don't need to die now." "I do. My time is done."

And now Arya gets to learn that her actions have consequences, and somethings just can't be taken back. I get the feeling this is about to be reflected on a slightly larger scale. This jailbreak is about to go not the way she expected it to.

...Oh? Success? Oh... success. Eeeeewwww, Bolton senior. Blergh.

But she's not telling him her name~ Thank goodness. "If she'd just reveal her self all would be well UwU" WRONG!!! He cannot be trusted! "Leeches purge the bad blood" pfff. That's literally not how that works. but more importantly:

JUSTICE (BY BEAR) FOR YOREN!!!!

The next few posts might be on queue, because the Reader is going away for the weekend. We'll see how that goes.

#a clash of kings #a song of ice and fire #arya stark #a chapter a day reading #acok #asoiaf

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frenchvainilly · 8 months

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WARNING: This story contains themes of 3ating d!s0rders and may be triggering for some readers. Please proceed with caution.

Beauty is pain

Mia had always struggled with her body image, but it wasn't until she moved to a new city that things got out of control. She was lonely, and all she could think about was her size. She didn't know anyone, so there was no one to tell her that she was beautiful the way she was.

One day, she stumbled upon a pro-*a*n*o*r*e*x*i*a website. Suddenly, everything made sense. This was the solution to all her problems. She started to restrict her calories and become obsessed with the number on the scale. She saw every pound lost as progress, as proof that she was becoming beautiful.

As she lost more weight, she began to attract attention. People would compliment her appearance, telling her how lucky she was to be so thin. She loved the attention. She loved feeling like she was better than everyone else because of her self-control.

But as time went on, she started to see the consequences of her actions. She was weak and had no energy. She couldn't concentrate at work. She was always cold. Her hair was falling out, and her skin was dry and ashy.

She felt like she was stuck in a whirlpool, unable to escape the dangerous cycle of self-destruction. She knew she couldn't go on like this forever, but she couldn't bring herself to stop.

Until one day, she collapsed. She was rushed to the hospital, where doctors told her that her body was shutting down. She had damaged her heart and liver. She was close to death.

It was a wake-up call. She realized that she was beautiful the way she was, and that her worth didn't depend on her size. She started seeing a therapist and slowly began to recover. It wasn't easy, but she knew she had to do it. She wanted to live.

In the end, she gained weight and felt better than ever. She realized that she was beautiful, no matter what anyone else said. She was proud of herself for overcoming her *a*n*o*r*e*x*i*a. She wished she had never found that website, but she was grateful that she had finally realized what was truly important.

#ed not ed sheeran #thin$po #thinspø #no reblog #tw ana diary #ed bllog

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wigglebox · 2 years

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First of all, I just wanted to thank you. Your blog has been such a safe space for me these past few days.

I honestly never thought something like this would happen but now that the dust has settled a bit and all the jokes have died down I'm feeling a little bad for Misha, because I know that there's a real possibility that he is bi. I mean people keep saying things like why would he say he's bi if he isn't?' Or why did the people at stands who know him personally accepted the whole coming out so easily? And the only thing that would make sense here is that he decided to take back his statement after he saw how big it got, and I don't blame him for being blindsided by this to be honest, spn barely ever makes the news. Why would those vultures hop on this of all things? I do feel like a lot of other people feel the same, I see them implying it in their tags but not going further, and I get it. People want to respect his words, but someone going back into the closet after not receiving the reaction they'd been expecting isn’t such a wild theory, hell, I bet a bunch of us had to go back to the closet as well when we felt unsafe.

And if by some miracle he is straight, I really don't get some people's reactions who feel like he's betrayed them or something. Did you only like this person because you thought he was queer? That's like supporting someone else only because they're a woman like you for example. It makes no sense. The people calling him homophobic are even more baffling. The worst thing he's done is, make gay jokes about himself? How does that hurt anyone? Again unless you've decided to support this person only because you thought he was queer, which feels very disingenuous. It's definitely not on the same level, as say, J*red making degrading gay jokes about other people. And not to mention the fact that Misha's always been like this? So no, he didn't queerbait you either. You just didn't put a limit to your parasocializing habits.

It's just been a tough couple of days for me, and not even entirely because of Misha to be honest, but because of how my fellow members of the community showed that you have to act a certain way to feel like you belong. I saw someone basically say that Misha is a coward for not coming out completely if he actually is bi, and as a closeted bisexual living in an unsafe and homophobic environment, that was really disheartening to read, and yes Hollywood is an unsafe environment, especially for a bisexual man.

I honestly think I'm going to take a break from this fandom, so many of my favorite people here have been disappointing me so much lately. I wanted to thank you again for your wonderful blog and hope you have a very nice day.💗

i'm so sorry you feel like you have to leave for a little bit but we'll be here when you get back! <3

i won't touch on everything else you said for the most part bc same.

and it's hard, because you feel like in your heart still, despite him saying both queer things and straight comments over the years, you feel like he's still like... he still obviously belongs. also I mean, poly people are also under the queer umbrella, soooooooo....? we just gonna ignore that?

also straight isn't rigid either. straight is one of those identities people can use for a number of things.

privately, we don't know what's going on with him, so it's hard to make the argument 'this is someone who was forced back in the closet' but what I am standing firm on is the fact that he was forced to label himself at all. people will come back at me with the 'oh but he said it during the dinner' but even then, not really. a 'coming out' usually doesn't happen when you randomly answer a fan's interjection about raising a hand or something. he brought bisexuality up in the poll to the audience and the bisexuality and poets thing but really, it's no more damning than other things he's said.

he's said things that very much allude to 'i'm not a 0 on the kinsey scale' and he's said things that make you go oh okay he said he's straight.

but how straight lol. there are men out there who do call themselves straight but will still have had some kind of intimate interactions with a man, and not just platonically or whatever.

this is me speculating on his private situation which I don't really want to do but the point being is — the man was seeing his name, his ex-wife's name, and his children's names in these articles that are googlable, and reputable [somehow] and once it hit people magazine I think he truly may have started to panic.

and he made his labeling public, on the record, because he had no other choice.

so if he is actually privately out and about doing his thing, and isn't completely rigidly straight as a board — it's NOT cowardly to feel like you can't be yourself publically to the world, especially when other people are involved.

that's another thing i can't understand when people say he was a coward for 'not coming out if he actually as bi' because, no? the fandom on fandom discomfort that's growing every day is very distressing for many queer fans who don't know where they fall, and/or don't know how to address it publically to friends and family, or can't because of safety issues.

other people were getting involved with this. once his ex wife and kids are getting named, that's a whole other story. himself is one thing, but tabloid journalists are ruthless.

people think it's easy for Actormen to come out or allude to queerness and indeed maybe for SOME it is, but it's not the same for everyone. his own personal history wasn't on the line with these press articles, all his loved ones' were too.

Btw if you think it's easy for Actormen, please read this article by Colton Haynes. Trigger warnings for assault and homophobia but it's still a sad reality.

so i don't care if he's straight straight or queer but doesn't know how to define himself and goes with straight for protection or necessity, or if whatever. idk. i don't care.

he had to say it. there was no other choice for him. and you can never compare our situations with his 100% because i know i sure don't have to be worried that the new york post is going to write an article about me or people magazine or out magazine, bringing my family who likes to remain private out into the spotlight with me.

and it is what it is.

he's still the same person. he's never invalidated us, and any time he missteps he apologizes sincerely. and he listens, and he tries to learn. he also has foot in mouth disease which, I really don't feel like ANYONE in this fandom has ANY right to criticize him for because lordy. some of y'all are pretty queerphobic, biphobic — said some really awful things — except y'all don't have to worry about dragging your loved ones into a media and fandom melee and all your private details and relationships are about to become public.

*also when i'm saying 'you' i mean the royal You xD not you-you, nonny I promise <3

#long post #i'm sorry this got so rambly #thank you for sharing nonny

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witchofthescions · 1 year

Text

As they stood on the beach, with the Garlean delegation getting ready to depart with the good news of their diplomatic arrangements, Ernastral felt like maybe things were starting to look up. Maybe her knee-jerk reaction to Asahi was mistaken. He was just another person with his own things going on in his life, though admittedly "my missing sister has amnesia and doesn't recognize me" was pretty high up on the scale of shitty things to go through. Thankfully she'd never had to go through anything similar before, and hopefully never would.

"I simply cannot leave without first giving thanks to the Warrior of Light for accompanying me through Yanxia," Asahi said, offering Ernastral a friendly-looking smile. He gestured for her to join him, and they stepped away from the main group.

Asahi glanced towards Hien and Yugiri, who were engaged in a quiet discussion, then towards the twins and her fellow Warriors of Light. They were all engaged in their own discussions, and looked to be too busy to pay them much mind.

Once he had confirmation that no one was listening, Asahi's expression twisted into a look of barely-held contempt and rage. Erna flinched and backed up as Asahi leaned in towards her, the rage practically rolling off of him in waves.

"Mark me, savior of the savages," he spat. "There will be a reckoning."

Erna felt the familiar sharp pain of an impending Echo flashback. As her vision faded, she caught Lenar reaching for his head out of the corner of her eye.

Asahi and one remaining soldier were pinned down, surrounded by soldiers from Doma's ill-fated rebellion. There was no hope for either of them, but he was defiant to the last. The samurai raised his sword, ready to deal the final blow... only to be blown away himself by a gust of wind. Asahi turned towards the source and found a hulking man in Garlean armor slowly advancing on the crowd. They charged him, thinking their numbers would protect them.

The armored man seemed to dance around their blades, each swing of his own sword felling them in droves. Until eventually only he still stood. As he watched the destruction this man carved, Asahi felt his heart skip a beat.

"Who... was that?" Asahi wondered, watching as the armored man sauntered off to face Lord Kaien.

"Surely you jest?" his fellow survivor said. "That was Zenos yae Galvus, Legatus of the XIIth—the crown bloody prince! I'd heard he was strong, but that... that was frightening."

Asahi continued to stare after the crown prince, absolutely starstruck.

Erna shook her head as the vision ended, wincing from the residual pain. When her vision came back into focus, she saw Asahi continuing to glare at her with murder in his eyes.

"Everything you are—your power, even your face—it vexes me."

Erna recoiled slightly. Something about his change in demeanor, coupled with her lingering discomfort with the things she experienced in the vision, made her feel very, very unsafe. Suddenly, his expression shifted back to that pleasant little smile of his, though this time she could see how fake it really was. His mouth smiled, but she could still see the rage hiding behind his eyes.

"Go on," he urged. "Lash out like the beast you are. At an emissary. And jeopardize the newfound peace between Doma and the Empire."

Erna took another step back, arms held tight against her chest. She shook her head. I think you're projecting there, sir emissary.

Her reaction didn't seem to help Asahi's mood much. The corner of his mouth twitched, his pleasant facade threatening to slip again. Erna saw movement out of the corner of her eye, and when she glanced towards it, she saw Gohnoh'a approaching. His red eyes were sharply focused on Asahi, and he bore an uncomfortably similar look on his face; smiling, but only out of a vague sense of politeness. His gaze implied that some other emotion was boiling just under the surface, though at least his rage was pointed towards Asahi instead of her.

Asahi's gaze followed hers. His time was just about up. "My lord was destined to lead us unto a glorious new age. Your light is nothing to his radiance. I will cherish this moment—lock it away within my heart—until the day we meet again."

He gave Gohnoh'a a brief nod of acknowledgement, but didn't stick around. He turned on his heel and headed over to his docked airship. Once the door closed behind him Erna finally let out a breath, feeling her whole body relax.

"Are you alright?" Gohnoh'a asked, one ear trained on her.

"Yeah," Erna said. "Yeah, I'm... alright."

"You look troubled, my friend," Hien remarked, walking over to her. "Was it something he said?"

The others gathered around her, various looks of concern on their faces. With another sigh, Erna told them what had just happened, about Asahi's little "talk" and the vision she'd seen.

"I saw it too," Lenar remarked.

"Of all the memories to witness," Alisaie muttered.

"I had my doubts about him, but I would never have guessed he was a disciple of Zenos." Yugiri shook her head, a vague look of disgust creeping into her face. She turned to Hien. "My lord—" "Calm yourself, Yugiri," Hien said, raising a hand. "I set no store by him or his enlightened brethren. But if by treating with them there is even the faintest hope we might secure the return of our conscripted brothers and sisters, I must play this game. After the way I risked their lives in the rebellion, I owe them that much."

"My lord, you bear no blame for their fate."

"If not blame then responsibility. They were prisoners and still I chose to fight, knowing they could be executed in retaliation." Hien offered her a smile. "But now we have a chance to bring them home. If it means bargaining with a monster, so be it."

"My lord..."

"Besides," Hien said, flashing Ernastral a cheeky grin, "I think he likes me more. Which is more than some can say."

Erna wrinkled her nose, prompting a hearty chuckle from Hien.

"Cress, Gohnoh'a, did either of you happen to witness the same vision?" Alphinaud asked.

"No, actually," Gohnoh'a said. "Only Ernastral and Lenar seem to have gotten it."

"I suppose we weren't close enough," Cress said, shrugging. "Asahi did get rather uncomfortably close to Erna, after all, and Lenar was a few steps closer than we were."

"It would make sense for there to be some sort of range to Echo visions, I suppose," Alphinaud mused, raising a hand to his chin in thought. "Otherwise you'd no doubt be in the same boat as Fordola, experiencing visions all the time."

"What I want to know is why on earth Asahi chose this precise moment to drop the facade in the first place," Alisaie remarked.

They mused for a moment on Asahi's possible motivations—maybe he thought the ruse no longer necessary, or maybe he was simply overcome by emotion and had a lapse of control. Either way, it was decided that the present Scions would stay in Kugane for the moment, just in case.

#the unending journey (drabbles)#Bloody Sunset (Patch 4.1-4.3)

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twofsouls · 1 year

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Hello 🤗

Just call me Abir💗

my sun sign is Capricorn,sidereal: Sagittarius 🏹

That's my cat btw🙃💜

My question: What the next 2 years have in store for me?(2023-2025), like in each category in general (love, friendships,mental health,work/finances,glowup or glow down lol)

PS: you don't have to make it long, any messages are ok🥰

Thank you 😊💕

Hey Abir!! Your cat is so adorable!!! 🥺 I’m a sucker for cats. Is he/her a Himalayan cat? Or have some Himalayan/Siamese in their dna? I have to also know their name too!!! 😔✨

On channeling your energy, I could feel a very slight nervousness? I also heard love(could be self love or anything related to it in general), saw some green aura and a dog. Hmm I think your aura is currently green, probably the most dominant one atm.

I have divided it into five categories. I pulled two main cards for the four categories with a few clarifiers. On your love part, I actually got three main cards since that’s what fell out and I felt the need to take it. I wanted to at least include the main cards but I didn’t. Since I used a deck that mostly, their minor arcanas have a different message from the traditional tarot, I didn’t want to cause a slight confusion if ever.

Overall, I see great changes coming your way! Massive shifts of energy here. You are transforming into someone with more power! I hear the words ‘death’ and ‘rebirth’

In terms of love, I feel that it’ll feel quite stable. I see even numbers. I sense balance and even see a scale. I think it’ll be mostly harmonious, not much of drama which I honestly think is great! Spirit is telling me that you’ll be definitely come into union with someone who will bring harmony into your love life. Also hearing from spirit that you aren’t currently in a relationship (I could be wrong but I wanted to still put this out here) but you’ll find yourself falling or just admiring someone who will make you feel balanced. Yeah, I keep hearing the word “harmony” from spirit. Harmony in your connection here is being highlighted.

In terms of friendship, this will play a big part in your life during these two years! So much light energy and joy is what I’m getting. You’ll be surrounded by people who bring you peace or will help you find more peace within yourself. I see celebrations and lots of time spent together with people who are like the sun. They are like the sunshine in your life. You will feel connected and so at peace with them. I just heard the word, soul tribe. I think you’ll be connecting with your soul family/tribe at this time. As I’m typing this, the sun has shone itself! Was a gloomy and rainy morning but now it’s brighter outside. One of your main cards on this category is the sun card as well as one of your clarifying cards, is also the sun card! Spirit is really showing you how your area of friendship will be like the sun in these two years ✨

In terms of work and finances, I see you on the top of your game! You are embracing and empowering both your divine masculine and feminine aspects! I see some who will be quite envious of you and wish you I’ll but there more who are happy and supportive of you! More people will be supportive of you since they see the great qualities you’ve got. Abundance will grow more in this part of your life. Spirit is showing me an image of a coin sprouting out of a tree. You’ll be doing great and be flourishing! :))

In terms of spiritual growth, you are entering a state of introspective about your true self and outwards, onto others. You feel content with your wealth. You are doing great in managing your life on the material plane and this brings you emotional fulfillment. I see you being proud of all the coins you’ve grown in your garden. You have worked hard to be who you are right now so you are feeling very happy and fulfilled with your life at this time!

Of course, there will be hurdles along the way but I feel like most part of it will be a great time for you! Lots of positive energies coming your way!

Hope you enjoyed your reading! I actually planned and wanted to do more elaborate and in depth reading for you but as I was doing your reading, I realized that I have less time to spare than I thought I had 🥺 I’m sorry. Nevertheless, I wish you the best on your path! 🖤

#elioreadings #spirit work #spirit communication #divination #witchblr #witchy #tarot reading #tarotblr #free tarot readings #free readings #deity work #deity worship

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