#like when did the cost of being okay with myself become my happiness and well-being??

[whsprings]

.

#cw// ed #thinking abt. how i finally inched my way to the weight i have been wanting all this time #and its just in time for thanksgiving the infamous gorge yourself holiday #just in time for having to pretend like i eat three meals a day every day and dont mind having snacks at all whatsoever #just in time for my mom to look me over and ask if im doing okay with my 'therapy things' #like when did the cost of being okay with myself become my happiness and well-being?? #when did living in a body i can tolerate become being afraid of any meals that arent on my list of 0.2 foods i can deal with?? #when did a marginally smaller body become more important to me than living a full life?? #i saw the number on the scale and all i felt was this sense of doing something right. not joy not satisfaction not pleasure. #just 'okay. now do it again.' #theres a line in tbosas: i couldnt have killed them all for nothing #its the sunk cost fallacy. i couldnt have wasted all this time+money+effort just to end up my not as small(?) larger(?) self again #god i am so sad. and so angry.

[thisblogisaboutabook]

Wicked Felina (The Girl That I Love)

Part 2 - “Peter”

Azriel x Reader/Rhysand’s Sister - Angst

Visions of a past life plague Felina as she recovers from burnout. Rhys seeks answers. Azriel comforts his mate as past-trauma comes crashing down on her. A former lover tracks her down.

Part 1 - El Paso Series Masterlist Part 3 - Vampire

warnings: past trauma, panic attack, references to sex, elements involving death, blood drinking, violence

Forgive me, Peter. My lost fearless leader.

“Quit fidgeting, Y/N.” Mother whispers as she runs a brush through my tangled hair.

Father is in Windhaven this week and I’ve been free to roam the skies as I please, whenever mother turns a blind eye. The arts district is vibrant with life and so often my family carries me out kicking and screaming. Well, aside from my brother who hides his amusement behind a mask of irreverence. He knows I love the rainbow.

Of course, Rhys has been gone on courtly business for weeks and I am dying to see him. My brother, the one person who truly understands me. Well, as much as one’s older brother can understand their sister.

I miss him.

“Sorry, mother.” I sigh. “I’m just excited to see my brother tomorrow on our travels.”

A pause of the brush strokes gliding through my hair shoots worry through me. I grit my teeth, bracing for her next words. “What is it?” I inquire, turning to see Mother’s lovely face downcast before her warm gaze meets mine. “He’s been held up and cannot travel with us tomorrow.”

“Oh.” I sigh. Hurt running through me. It’s not his fault, he’s busy and a far more benevolent leader than our father is a ruler, though he plays the game quite well.

An hour later as I lay in bed my heart races, my thoughts spiraling into the places I do my best to forget. The males of this court always let me down. Oh the perils of being the second born heir, younger than those surrounding me, female, and never taken seriously.

The goddess of timing, once found us beguiling.

A note appears at my bedside.

“Night’s truest bloom, there is no starlight without you. Won’t you cast thy gaze upon my room? Xx, Peter”

I smile at the flirtatious note, biting my lip. “You know I can’t but think of me as you bask in sunlight while mother and I trudge through the Illyrian forests tomorrow. Rhys bailed.”

“I don’t like that you’re traveling alone. Shall I come escort you?”

I blush at the thought of walking arm-in-arm with him. Gods, I’m so totally enamored. How did it end up like this?

“You High Fae, so territorial.” I write back.

“You are partly High Fae yourself, my lady. In fact, I’m pretty sure you offered to kill the last female who got too close for your liking.”

My stomach turns. I would. The female’s a lech.

“Semantics. I’ll see you when I get back. Dream filthy dreams of me.” I press a kiss to the letter and send it off.

“Only the filthiest, my sweet Felina.”

She said she was trying. Peter, was she lying? My ribs get the feeling she did.

—————-

Felina

“Y/N?” A cautious voice stirs me from my dream. I wake to find myself in a very large bed, surrounded by luxurious blankets that likely cost twenty-fold the standard linens I’d become accustomed to - the ornate room around me more spacious than anywhere I could recall resting my head.

My body is sore, lethargic. I stretch my arms and - ouch - stiff as well.

“Take it, easy, okay? Your body was under a lot of stress.” I blink my bleary eyes to see Azriel’s concerned gaze fixed upon me.

My body feels weighed down from exhaustion but my heart, it feels heaviest of all - a feeling I’ve continued to carry since Azriel found me at the Inn. Shouldn’t I be happy to have a piece of my life in place? I have a mate - and from what I can recall, a damn good one as well.

I open my mouth to speak but his eyes go distant, a look I’m familiar with but trying to place.

An urgent knock intrudes upon the silence, a look of irritation crossing Azriel’s features before he mutters an apology to me. “He couldn’t wait for me to speak with you apparently.”

My gut clenches, dread overtaking it as the door opens. In walks a male with a face so familiar that my heart’s pace rushes. My brother, Rhys.

“Y/N.” He chokes out, love and longing written all over his beautiful face. “You’re home.”

The name. Y/N. So familiar and so foreign. I remember it now but Felina brings me comfort. “Felina, please call me Felina.” Pain flickers across his features before giving a subtle nod. “Okay, Felina.”

His eyes sparkle as tears form in his eyes. “How? How are you here? Where have you been?”

I reach a hand to touch his face, the scruff beneath itching my palm, his hand instantly finding it and leaning in. It feels so warm and familiar and yet, I yank my hand away like lightning. “I don’t know.” My breaths quicken. Flashes of centuries of lies and manipulation rush into my head and it’s all too much. I can’t process this. I can’t relive it.

My hands find my torso, wrapping myself tightly, I can’t catch my breath. The hot blur of tears fill my eyes as I screw them shut. “I’m sorry- I- I“ can’t finish the sentence as I heave, trying my best to even out my breathing and failing miserably. The inky feel of power seeps from my skin and I can’t process the male voices speaking beside me. My name; a cold, icy voice giving a command; a broken voice of night giving in to whatever was commanded as heavy footsteps pace away, and then -

Darkness. Warmth. A heartbeat in my ear. A brush of lips against my hair. Azriel.

I stay there, sobbing as the emotions crash into me like the surf to rocky shores. The pain doesn’t alleviate for what feels like an hour, the rhythm of my mate’s chest finally bringing me back to the present.

When my eyes open, Azriel is draped over me, wings cocooning protectively around my body, his heartbeat the steady constant in my ear. “I’ve got you.” He whispers. I give into his warmth and drift off again.

————————

Said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me.

Lovers in a field. Brushed hands at balls. Green eyes meeting violet. Shared smiles.

Words from the mouths of babes

Tears cried into a broad shoulder. Whispers of “It’s not fair”, drunken chants of “fuck the cauldron!”, late nights and long dances beside reflections of starlight.

Promises oceans deep

Young lovers questioning eternity, the forces of fate. Letters signed with pen names.

But never to keep

————————-

“Brother, you need to sleep.” Rhysand stressed into Azriel’s mind.

The stubborn bastard had refused to leave Y/N’s side for the days she’d been unconscious. A huge part of Rhys beamed at that. Who was he to question the bonds forged by fate? Was Azriel being his sister’s mate ideal? In a sense, no. As an older brother, he’d always felt protective over her. But Y/N had always gravitated to Azriel, even as a child his shadows could calm her when she was fussy, his patient demeanor had always been a soothing balm to her inquisitive mind. He’d listen carefully as she pondered the great mysteries of life out loud long after the rest of the family had tuned her out.

“I’m fine.” Azriel’s conscious growled in return.

He sure as hell didn’t sound it.

“Let me send darkness to soothe her, just long enough for you to eat and get some sun.”

A pause and then the mirthful reply of “Is it an order?”

Maintaining composure the High Lord replied, “Is it necessary for me to do so?”

Ten minutes later, Azriel appeared at the bottom of the stairs, the light of the foyer emphasizing his hallowed eyes and drained skin. “You look like hell.”

“Thanks.” Azriel muttered.

Rhys knew he sounded like a prick but it was true. “How about you go sun your wings in the garden?”

The energy of the room shifted as Azriel’s eyes rolled, caught between humor and bitterness as he reminded his brother for the fifth time that week of the current circumstances. “Despite your good intentions, you seem to forget that prolonged exposure to the sun is exactly what I do not need.”

“Shit! I am never going to get used to this.” Rhys placed a hand on Azriel’s shoulder. “Fine, sit. Amren brought a fresh blood supply this morning. She says it’s goat from Sevenda’s but she was in a mood, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the blood of whatever poor souls had the nerve to cross her path on the way here.”

Azriel wanted to grin at the attempted humor but didn’t have it in him. What a strange turn of the tables, Amren no longer the bloodthirsty one.

The males sat in silence, Azriel nursing the goblet of blood Nuala had kindly brought in to him. Soft footsteps padded into the space, a familiar floral scent wafting through the room, as Elain entered.

“Oh.” the middle Archeron sister gasped. “I’m sorry to interrupt.” She gave a wary smile, sad eyes falling on Azriel before flicking back to Rhys.

“Not interrupting, Elain. What do you have there?” Rhys glanced to a piece of paper in her clutched in her grasp. “Oh, it’s nothing,” she spoke too quickly, her pulse fluttering. “Writing secret love letters, Elain?”

She shook her head, glancing to Azriel once again. It grated Rhys to know the recent history, or whatever it was, that transpired between Azriel and Elain. With his sister being thrown into the mix now, he was battling that instinct to protect her at all costs.

Elain blushed a soft shade of pink, nearly matching that of her pastel dress. One hand grasping the delicate wrist of the opposite. “I’ve been writing to Lucien.”

“Ah, and how is dear Little Lucien?” Rhys raised an eyebrow, lip quirking upward.

“He’s fine.” Her words were clipped. “I have to go now. Cerridwen is waiting for me in the gardens. We’re planting a new variant of night-blooming jasmine.” She gave a nod and scurried from the room.

Azriel’s lips remained in a firm line as Rhys nursed the whiskey he’d poured himself.

Months ago, her words would have hurt, sliced like a dagger at Azriel’s own lack of a bond. Now, well, he still felt jaded toward Rhys for the solstice that he essentially banned him from pursuing a relationship with Elain. But- it worked for the best. There was nothing in this world he wanted more than his own mate, his Y/N, his Felina - as she insisted she be called.

Guilt tugged at him, he should be up with her, not downstairs. What if she needed him? What if she woke with a night terror and he wasn’t there?

“She’s fine, brother.” Rhys broke him from his thoughts. “Your shadows will alert you the moment she wakes, and I have darkness soothing her.”

Shaking his head, Azriel rested his face in his own palms as if he’d rub his face hard enough and all concerns would fade away.

Finally, he looked up. “How do you do it, Rhys? How do you stay away when there are so many questions that need answered?”

Sitting his glass down onto a coaster, Rhys leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees. “I know she is in good hands. You brought her back to me. And I know, a mate can help her right now far more than an older brother.”

The thought warmed the icy chill that had settled into Azriel’s bones, he reveled in the moment before replying. “There’s so much we don’t know- So much we need to know.”

“You’re the spymaster, Az, and she’s your mate. I know you need answers. And gods, don’t think for a moment that I don’t want answers too. It takes every ounce of will not to just dive in to see what I can find, but…. It’s her story to tell. And, when I send my darkness to soother her, her shields, there’s something about them that my own darkness recoils from.”

Digesting the words, Azriel took another swig from his goblet. “I need to go back upstairs.”

Rhys only gave a knowing nod.

—————————

Love’s never lost when perspective is earned

Dreams shifted from young love and light to pain and darkness plague my sleep state with visions of bloodshed on pristine snow. Brutal hands of power-hungry males. Sharpened blades. A mother’s scream. Shredded wings falling to the earth.

Lost to the Lost Boys chapter of your life

And then, warm hands and a familiar face. Love and terror in emerald eyes. Strong arms carrying a broken body. Cries of “Please just hold on for me.”

A promise of “Stay right here. I’m getting help.” The back of a lupine creature running toward the distance.

Forgive me, Peter, please know that I tried to hold on.

The effort of holding on is growing too hard. My head slumps as blood trickles from my wingless back. An unheard plea of “Peter!” falls from frozen lips.

Then there is darkness. Void. Impending death.

A cold, pale hand chills my skin. A cruel, beautiful face promises eternity. Unfamiliar arms drag me away and I do not fight.

But the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light.

———————————

Azriel

Azriel had finally settled in beside a sleeping Felina, resisting the urge to take her in his arms and never let go.

His shadows alerted him to the breach in the wards first, shock running through him at the intrusion. Apparating to the entryway, he found Rhys at the front door, baring his teeth at the intruder, waves of night rolling off of him in a way that would send most running.

Icy rage shot through Azriel’s veins at the audacity of the male to show up at their door. The urge first, ask questions later pulling him toward the intruder. His lunged was interrupted by a sharp inhale behind him behind, diverting him from his war path.

His mate had walked down the stairs, her first time out of bed since arriving to the River House. Her slim form trembled, those otherworldly eyes swirling with emotions he couldn’t comprehend.

“Peter.” She whispered through rapid breaths. Azriel ran to her, bracing an arm around her back to steady her uneven footing as she climbed down the grand staircase.

The blonde male fell to his knees, his tears falling ricocheting off the marble floors.

Azriel has no time to ponder the incorrect name she’d used, focusing on her steps, observing the sight before him. He’d only ever seen the male solemn or filled with rage. Never this.

And Felina, there was no fear or hate in her eyes, no wariness, as she took in the male. No, the only emotion he could now read was one his heart wasn’t prepared to face.

So, Azriel watched as his mate’s eyes lined with tears, her slow steps increasing and filling with purpose as she reached the entryway, stepping out of his brace and flinging herself into the arms of the High Lord of the Spring Court.

—————————

Tamlin

Are you still a mind reader? A natural scene stealer?

He didn’t believe it when Lucien wrote to him sending word that Elain mentioned that Y/N was in Velaris. That she was alive. There was no way and getting his hopes up would kill him.

How many nights had he spent plagued by the memories of the day it all came crashing down? The ruination of a beautiful friendship, of a love forged from two kindred souls damned by fate, and the role he played in it.

They were both so jaded at an early age, he and Y/N. And for whatever reason he couldn’t fathom, the princess of night found the youngest heir of spring to be worthy of her presence. She was everything and he was just, a lost male. Everyone wanted her time but she wanted his, and so began the affair of sneaking off at parties, stolen kisses under starry nights, long rolls in soft grasses, love notes written with pen names.

He was Peter, the lost boy forced to grow up too soon - who wanted nothing more than a life of music and poetry but doomed to strengthen ties to Hybern, to be married off like seed stock to a mate that he hated, Hybern’s wicked general.

And Felina, feline, curious and sleek as a cat. She’d been heartbroken by a one-sided mating bond, by a mate who only saw her as the child she once was, a mate too busy pining over her cousin to notice the gem he had right in front of him.

They’d found comfort and peace with eachother, two young adults who could be whomever they wished in their stolen moments.

They were careful to avoid being caught. So careful, until the day he snuck off to watch as she traveled through the Illyrian forests with her mother, that instinct to protect those he cared for surfacing at such an early age. He thought he’d lost her forever. He’d tried so desperately to save her. By the time he returned with a healer, she had disappeared. To this day, Felina had been his greatest loss.

And moments ago when her cry called into his mind, “Peter!”. There was nothing that could hold him back from her, no wards too strong, no distance too far to winnow. There was only he and his need to see her for himself.

And now, here she was in his arms. Repeating over and over how sorry she was for not holding on, for not having faith that he’d return.

All he could choke out was, “Felina.”

We both did the best we could do, underneath the same moon in different galaxies.

—————————————

Tags:

General ACOTAR: @lilah-asteria

Series tag list: @saltedcoffeescotch @julesofvolterra @glittervame @nocasdatsgay

SPOILER FOR THIS STORY (in case you need to know who is end game) : click here

#acotar #sarah j maas #a court of thorns and roses #azriel #a court of silver flames #a court of frost and starlight #a court of mist and fury #a court of wings and ruin #azriel x reader #azriel shadowsinger #vampyr #vamp!azriel #vamp!reader #Tamlin #soft Tamlin #azriel x rhysand’s sister #tamlin x rhysand’s sister #Rhysand #acotar angst #Azriel angst #peter taylor swift #ttpd #inspired by taylor swift #Spotify

[deepdisireslonging]

A Good Handle on Things

The Reader turns heel, which turns on her boyfriend. Despite not having much time to explore the possibilities, the Reader makes the best of it.

Pairing: Will Ospreay x Reader

Warnings/Promises: public SMUT in a closet, subby!Will, handjob, oral (male receiving), quickie, implied further smut

Word Count: 1215

Note: Happy Easter! This Ospreay guy is starting to grow on me. I haven't thought much about writing for him. Let’s change that, shall we? Happy reading!

To the roar of the crowd, you happily left the arena. Things were going perfectly. Your new gear was a hit. And, more importantly, the crowd despised your heel turn. The cost was high, threatening your relationship with over half of the women’s division. Maybe with the heat, more people would become invested in what you ladies were up to, and Tony Khan would finally agree to more TV time.

You were as much of a success backstage as the crowd hated you out front. After receiving your congratulations for becoming AEW’s most hated woman, you practically skipped to your dressing room.

Where a tall drink of tea was leaning against your door.

“Well done, love. Couldn’t have stabbed my best friend in the back better myself.” Will wrapped your arms around his neck so he could bury his nose into your hair. “No hard feelin’s between us, right? I don’t think I’d survive being your next target.”

“Not that I can think of,” you said with a giggle. Then you leaned into his embrace. And pressed into something promising. “Will, honey. Is there something else hard between us?”

He looked up at the ceiling, innocent as a rotten rosebud. “Maybe-“ he dragged out. “And maybe… I think I like you best as a heel. It’s… it’s something, ta say the least.”

“To the least.” You bit your bottom lip, and started curling your fingers in the short hairs at the base of his neck. “I’m glad you like my new schtick. But, I hate to break it to you,” you reached past him and opened the door into your dressing room, “but we’ve got to hit the road.”

“But-“ He followed you in. Snagging your wrist, he pinned you to the inside of the door. “But I want to see this other side of you. I want to-“ he pressed his lips to your forehead, sliding your wrists over your head, “I want to explore your bad girl side.”

You rolled your eyes. “You’ll have to explore me later. We’ve got a bit of a drive, and then an early morning in just a few hours. Maybe tomorrow night?”

With a pout, he moved out of your space so you could change and toss the last of your things into your suitcase. On your way out, people kept stopping you to have you repeat bits of your promo. Will didn’t seem bothered by it. At least, not irked enough to tell people to buzz off. But he kept shifting his weight. Avoiding your gaze when you’d finish. His hand seemed twitchy when you took it. And he was limping.

“Are you okay?” You guided him and the luggage to one side so you could give him a once over out of the way of the pack-up crew. “Did you pull something in your match? Did the Doc look you over yet?”

He muttered short, flustered things to keep your hands off his ribs. But when he shifted his weight again, his grey sweatpants revealed the problem. “Really, it’s nothing. Nothing I can’t- can’t handle later.”

“Later? You can’t drive with… that.” You had to smile at his antics. It was sweet of him to not push his desire onto you when he was so obviously in need. You looked around. Until you spotted a doorknob. You dragged him towards it, gasping in delight when it turned under your grasp.

Will tried to resist. “But- you said- you said we have an early morning. And we- we could get locked in here.”

“Not the worst thing we’ve done. Besides, there’s always some of the guys that stay late. They’ll see our luggage and know we’re still nearby. Or they’ll call.” You held up your phone, activating the flashlight so that you had a little illumination. It was then that you could see how Will’s chest heaved. How his eyes drank you in. He ran a hand through his hair, mussing it more than before. “I haven’t touched you yet, and you already look like I’ve ravaged you,” you whispered. It was supposed to come out as a laugh, but your own breath was short. And your heart pounded in your ears.

Outside, the packing-up of the show drifted away. At any moment, surely, your phone would start ringing.

“We-“ you licked your lips. “We don’t have much time.”

You tugged at Will’s sweats and brazenly pulled his length into the open. He groaned loudly, making you reach up to slap your other hand over his mouth. He laid his palm over your knuckles, reaching back with his other hand to steady himself against the wall.

The Heel rose up inside you.

“You gonna be quiet for me?” you whispered. Gently giving him a twist, you leaned in to lick at the underside of his jaw. Will’s eyes rolled back and he moaned again. “Gonna be good for me?”

He nodded frantically, thrusting into your grasp.

How many times had he taken you like this? In his dressing room or yours, or in some empty hallway. Shoving his hand down your pants to curl his fingers into your desperate slick while the other one kept you quiet. Now you know why he did it so frequently. It made your breath stutter to see him shake with need. To feel his length pulse in your hand. In the bare gleam of your phone, his eyes fluttered as your tugging and twisting quickened. You pressed your thighs together, rubbing them for a bit of friction that would never be enough. You didn’t care. Will’s grip tightened over your hand on his mouth. His nails bit into your skin.

“Getting close, pretty boy?”

A broken whimper was his reply.

You maneuvered your grip until you could press Will’s hand over his mouth. “Being so good for me. Letting me boss you around. Keep it up. Just a bit longer.” With that, you sank to your knees.

Your lips had barely wrapped around his length before he was throwing his head back. His release filled your mouth, spilling out and dripping onto your shirt. Doing his best to follow your order, he pressed his hand hard over the sounds that tried to escape as he rode out the high.

When he was spent, you tucked him back into his pants. And you tugged at the bottom of his sweatshirt till he let you steal it.

“I’ll change into another shirt when we get the bags to the car.”

His eyes were wild as he tried to catch his breath. Running your fingers over his cheeks and forehead, his flushed skin told you everything you’d ever need to know about whether to try this again or not.

“But-“ he gasped, swallowing hard, “but you?”

“Don’t worry. I’ll get mine later.” You let wickedness overtake the gleam in your eye. “Maybe I can put on a show for you?” He grabbed your wrist, dragging you out of the hall cupboard. The bags tipped over, rolling and sliding across the concrete until he had all of their straps and handles under control. “Well, come on, then. I can’t leave my bad girl waiting. And for the record,” he kissed you hard, pinning you against a trellis, “you can boss me around any time.”

***

Masterlist

Other hallway quickies:

Jealous - Smut with Elias

If We Get Caught - Smut with Jimmy Uso

Finish Me - Smut with MJF

Back Hallways - Smut with Roman Reigns

Our Princess - Bobby Fish x Reader x Kyle O’Reilly

#will ospreay #will ospreay x reader #will ospreay smut #aew smut #reader insert

[queen-dahlia]

𝐆𝐢𝐥𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭 𝐯𝐨𝐧 𝐎𝐛𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐧

𝗠𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗥𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗲 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝟭𝟵 𝗣𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗶𝘂𝗺

Note: Translation is not 100% accurate. Expect grammatical errors.

// : alternate translation | ⫘⫘ : flashback

My second night at Obsidian was by no means peaceful.

Lord Gilbert invites me to eat the cookies with him on the bed in an ill-mannered way.

But I can't taste it.

When I cast my eyes down, cold fingers grabbed my chin as if to say no—

Gilbert: "Hey, I want you to tell me one thing too..."

Gilbert: "You haven't made eye contact with me once today. Why?"

The blood-colored eyes, which do not reflect any emotion, loom in front of me.

A faint exhale mingled with the breath, and my breathing became shallow.

Emma: "… I feel like it."

Gilbert: "You're still reeling from yesterday, aren't you?"

Emma: "If you know what I mean, don't ask."

Gilbert: "I'm asking you because I don't know. ...How can we make up?"

Emma: "It's not like we're fighting."

Gilbert: "You're mad at me, aren't you? For saying, "You'll be glad if I die."

(Even though you know.)

I gently brush off Lord Gilbert's hand, keep my distance from him, and nod.

Gilbert: "You are such a saint that you would respect even the life of a villain. Aren't you kind?"

I understand, but it doesn't add up. I think that's how Lord Gilbert is feeling right now.

(Even if he is the worst of the worst, Lord Gilbert is—)

Emma: "… The owner once told me that Lord Gilbert used to be a boy with a beautiful heart."

Gilbert: "Ahaha, what is that?"

Emma: "And he even told me that I am like Lord Gilbert."

Gilbert: "… Huh?"

I felt the atmosphere around Lord Gilbert sway slightly.

Emma: "I am often told by Rio and others that "I take care of others and neglect myself..."

Emma: "Lord Gilbert, you also did this in the beginning, didn't you?"

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Gilbert: "There are different criteria for evaluating a beautiful heart…"

Gilbert: "Let's define beauty in your case as "having more love for others than for yourself."

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

(I wasn't aware of that, but if everyone says so, I have to admit it.)

I am not neglecting myself by any means.

I'm just happy when people around me laugh... That's all.

Emma: "If Lord Gilbert's root is the same as mine, then you chose the path of becoming evil yourself for the sake of others."

Emma: "There had to be a price to pay to correct the deceit and corruption."

Emma: "I think that's what this is all about."

Gilbert: "No way, is that what you think of me?"

Lord Gilbert tries to laugh it off, but his eyes are not smiling.

It didn't seem to be a misguided consideration.

Gilbert: "And even if that were true, then what is beyond that?"

Gilbert: "Are you going to say, "You are actually a good person. So you shouldn't die?"

Gilbert: "Ahaha, don't do that, okay? That's disgusting."

Emma: "I won't say it. Whatever the reason, Lord Gilbert chose the path of evil."

Emma: "It's ridiculous to think you're a good person, and I've never thought so."

Gilbert: "Then you don't mind if I die, do you?"

Emma: "You're taking this too far!"

Gilbert: "Yeah? I think death is the norm for villains."

Emma: "I think it's cowardly. When you die, it only makes you feel better."

Gilbert: ". . . . . ."

Gilbert: "Ahaha! Yes, that's right. I see, you're the type of person who wants to make life a living hell, aren't you?"

Gilbert: "So when I think about you being angry... well..."

Emma: "Don't get me wrong! I don't care if it is a living hell or not."

Emma: "It's just... just..."

Emma: "… It's just too unrewarding."

Gilbert: ". . . . . ."

(This person... Why is he trying to fulfill his ideals even at the cost of his own life?)

If it were me—I wouldn't be able to fulfill such a great ideal for a stranger.

Not unless you have someone really close to you—someone that you absolutely want to protect from deceit and corruption.

(Me and Lord Gilbert are different. But if we're similar, then maybe...)

Emma: "My definition of a friend is "someone who is fun to be with, makes you laugh, and makes you want to wish them happiness."

Emma: "And Lord Gilbert is my friend."

Emma: "… If you're my friend, don't try to leave me."

(I really don't think it should be rewarded.)

(Including the Blood-Stained Rose Day, Lord Gilbert does things that are unforgivable.)

I can't honestly wish for happiness, either.

I even feel like there is blood in my words.

(So, only in this room.)

(Only when it's just the two of us…)

Emma: "I... did not dislike Lord Gilbert's malicious kindness."

Emma: "Why would I want to kill such a person?"

(If I could kill, I wouldn't be in such pain all the time.)

(That's why... I got so angry.)

Gilbert: "… That's so sweet it's repulsive."

(. . . . . .)

The words of rejection were wrapped in a countless number of thorns that I didn't expect to be aimed at a friend.

Gilbert: "If my single word can set Rhodolite on fire, and killing me won't do that—"

Gilbert: "Are you still going to say, "I don't want you to die," when you have to make a choice like that?"

Gilbert: "Me or Rhodolite. If such a balance is held out in front of you, you won't hesitate."

Emma: "No, I am lost. I'm lost and confused, and I will find another way."

Gilbert: "What if a lot of people die in the meantime?"

Emma: ". . . . . ."

Gilbert: "That's what I am to you."

Gilbert: "You can't be with me unless you're ready to kill me."

Gilbert: "Unless you want to be a traitor in the truest sense of the word…?"

(It was Lord Gilbert who first offered me a "friend," so why is he pushing me away like that?)

(… It's as if you want me to wish you dead.)

I knew from the beginning that Lord Gilbert's definition of "friend" was different from mine.

But when the perceptions don't mesh this well, I am beyond angry and in despair.

(If Lord Gilbert thinks that way, he shouldn't have been so kind to me in the first place.)

(What he says and what he does are in contradiction.)

(I wonder if he wants to make me suffer. ...that's a possibility.)

Gilbert: "Hehe... just the right opportunity. I have something I was going to give you when we get back to the castle."

(In this way…?) **

Lord Gilbert stands up and takes a small case out of the drawer of his office desk.

The lid of the case, which was obviously made of high-quality material, was opened, and as I approached it and looked inside, I saw that it was something of a shape I had never seen before, something I had no idea what it would be used for.

(… I don't know what it is, but I know it's not good.)

It's a polished piece of silver.

When I look closely, I can see that the metal is decorated with delicate roses.

The metal had a rotating golden round thing on it and a bright red rose charm on the black part that appeared to be the handle.

Gilbert: "Yes, Little Bunny."

Lord Gilbert makes me hold it with a smile.

It felt so comfortable in my hand as if it had been made for me.

Gilbert: "That face... you've never seen it in Rhodolite, have you?"

Emma: "Is this common in Obsidian?"

Gilbert: "No. This is a prototype that I made, so it's not on the market."

Gilbert: "But it's easy to use."

Lord Gilbert grips the cylindrical silver part and presses it against his own chest.

I instinctively had a bad feeling that made me break out in a cold sweat.

Gilbert: "First, this is a safety device, so remove it, then turn this. And if you finally pull the trigger—"

Gilbert: "Even Little Bunny could kill people easily."

Emma: "Ah..."

It slips from my hand, and Lord Gilbert grabs it before it hits the ground.

Gilbert: "Don't drop it because it might explode if it oscillates."

Gilbert: "Well, there is no live ammo in it right now. Don't forget to load it properly when you use it for real."

Emma: "Lord Gilbert, this is..."

Gilbert: "It's a gun."

(Oh, my god!)

(No, wait, is this a gun in the first place?)

The guns... I believe they were a new type of weapon that has been seen on the battlefield in recent years.

But the guns I learned about from books would not be so small or easy to handle.

(It's totally different from the guns I know.)

(Even though Obsidian is an advanced country in military technology, this is...)

My fingertips tremble at the thought of holding a tool that could easily take someone's life.

Lord Gilbert noticed this, put the rose gun on the desk, and gently wrapped his hand around mine.

Gilbert: "You know as well that my gift is to accept or be accepted."

Emma: "I don't have any use for this stuff!"

Gilbert: "Right now? You might think this is a murder weapon."

Gilbert: "But in other words, it could also be a "weapon needed to protect what is important" to you."

Gilbert: "But I'm sure you'll have limited opportunities to use it. As long as I'm here, your life isn't in danger."

Gilbert: "But you see, I am your greatest enemy and world disaster, protecting you."

Gilbert: "There will always come a time of choice. There's no harm in having it."

(How can you say that?)

(... Do you really want me to kill you?)

Emma: "I will not accept this time. I will never, ever accept this!"

I tried to shake his hand off vigorously, but Lord Gilberto tightened his grip and…

Gilbert: "You're not very understanding."

He pulled out a nearby chair and forced me to sit down.

Then he kneels down in front of me and pulls up my skirt.

Emma: "What are you doing!?"

Gilbert: "If you resist, I'll tie you up, okay?"

Emma: "Unreasonable..."

Gilbert: "You're a hostage, so you have to understand."

Cold fingertips touch my thighs, and my body trembles involuntarily.

(What are you really doing...?)

I seriously thought about kicking him off, but he didn't seem to want to touch me, instead, Lord Gilbert picked up something like a leather belt that was on the desk and began to wrap it around my leg.

Gilbert: "Yep, it fits."

Smiling with satisfaction, he attaches the gun to the belt.

Apparently, it was an accessory for carrying a gun.

Gilbert: "Carry this weapon with you at all times."

(… You're not listening to me at all.)

When I appealed to him with my gaze as if I couldn't understand his words,

Lord Gilbert notices this, softens his eyes, and for some reason bites my thigh.

Emma: "Hey, why would you do that!?"

Gilbert: "Oh, am I mistaken? You had a cocky look in your eye, I thought you wanted me to bite you."

Emma: "You know that's not true, right?"

Gilbert: "Hehe…"

With a confident smile, Lord Gilbert clenched his teeth, far from feeling sorry.

The mark on my thigh was painful... yet there was a glamor that I couldn't look at directly.

Gilbert: "But if you don't, you'll die, okay? That's what this place is about."

Emma: "… Don't you hate authority?"

Gilbert: "That's that, and this is that."

Gilbert: "This is Obsidian. Even if you don't like it, you have to accept my gift..."

Gilbert: "Even with this, you must not resist."

A cold hand lifts my leg and then bites me on the calf.

It felt different than trying to instill fear in my body... and force me to obey.

(I'm not scared... just embarrassed.)

His tongue crawls over the bite marks, and my legs tremble.

I was about to say stop — but I gasped.

(… What's with that face?)

His red eye, which rarely reflects emotion, seems to have a somewhat melancholy look.

The sad face that makes my heart clench, whether Lord Gilbert is aware of it or not...

(Does it only look that way because I'm looking down?)

(No... but...)

When I stopped resisting in confusion, Lord Gilbert raised his head, and our eyes met.

Gilbert: "Oh, your face... You're in so much pain and suffering."

(What do I look like?)

Gilbert: "Wouldn't it be easier if we just hated each other?"

Emma: "… I agree. I wish I could manipulate my emotions to my liking."

Gilbert: "If you could do that, though, you wouldn't be human."

Laughing softly, Lord Gilbert bites me again.

Sooner or later, my legs were going to be covered in bite marks.

(He's doing terrible things to me... but I can't refuse him.)

(I wonder… if I've been trampled.)

Gilbert: "…… I'm sorry."

(Eh...)

The faint sound of a voice makes me gasp.

But Lord Gilbert only smiles refreshingly, and his red eye flickers.

The heart of the trampling beast was never revealed.

#サイバード #イケメン王子 #ギルベルト=フォン=オブシディアン #ikemen prince #ikemen prince gilbert von obsidian #ikemen prince gilbert #ikeprince #ikeprince gilbert von obsidian #ikeprince gilbert #gilbert von obsidian #ikeprince jp #ikepri jp #ikeprince translation #ikepri gilbert route spoilers #ikemen prince spoilers #ikeprince spoilers #ikepri spoilers #dahlia's bad translation

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for refusing to give up on my friend?

Hi! I (13M) have this really cool friend group. Or at least… I did. The other members were F (13F) and K (13M), and we were super super close. We met at our middle school.

But… we’re not normal middle schoolers. I was the first one to find out. I’m actually the reincarnation of a super cool super-powered alien (who was not actually an alien, but it’s more fun to describe it that way) who died 15 years ago.

I know I’m him, btw. I’m not just making it up. Dude was a super big public figure, and I have tons of his memories. My teacher (who was one of his students at one point) (30m) even agrees with me. He thinks I’m the real deal.

F is the reincarnation of someone, too. Specifically, someone I knew in my past life. In our past lives she was a normal, albeit REALLY NICE person who inspired me a lot… someone who I accidentally got killed. I was heartbroken when I remembered how she died and super stoked when F told me she was her. That’s not why we became friends, of course— F has always been my ride or die, but I was so, so happy my dear friend had been alongside me all this time.

But while on the topic of how F… died in our past lives, I should probably mention what my job was before I was an alien.

I was a serial killer. I called myself an assassin, but that’s giving myself too much credit, really. Ultimately, I was just a murderer— and an INFAMOUS one, too. I had a kill count in the thousands. I was an honest-to-god no good, selfish, terrible guy. It makes me feel sick to even think about.

I even had an apprentice in killing, and one I treated like garbage. I stole him away from his bad family and instead of showing him love only showed him more hatred. I treated that boy like trash.

The only reason I stopped being a serial killer is that he handed me over to authorities. And authorities… well, for reasons I still don’t really understand, they handed me over to this… guy. I’ll call him Y. Y was a no-good, rotten, nasty piece of work. Every bit as bad as I was… and that’s saying a lot! He instantly began to perform extremely painful human experiments on me, doing so with the excuse that no one would miss me.

But it wasn’t all bad. In Y’s custody is where I met F in our past lives. She was working for him. And he treated her like garbage, too. He’d hit her and call her names and make her feel so unsafe. She was miserable when she was around him.

I… tried my best to help, but there’s not a lot I could do from behind a glass screen. Still, I came to empathize with F, and it was actually becoming her friend that made me want to give up killing.

Eventually, I escaped Y’s lab, but at a terrible cost. I turned into a alien monster and went on a horrific rampage— killing tons of people. And even worse, F got killed, too. Like I said: it was an accident, a result of a trap that Y set up, but at the same time it really, REALLY felt like my fault. I hated myself. Both in that life and now when I learned about it.

Still, I lived an okay life after that. I ended up taking in some students that F originally cared for and nurtured them. And I treated them right, unlike I treated my original apprentice. Because of them and F, I learned to love. Eventually, I died, but only after sending Y into hospice and getting to say goodbye to my beloved kids.

I was content with that.

But... here I am now.

Originally, I didn't remember all of this. I just remembered being a cool superpowered guy. Learning how messed up all of it was really, REALLY scared me. I was glad when I learned that F was... well, F, so I could apologize to her, but that didn't fix everything. After all, there were still so many people I hurt. I felt like an awful person who didn't deserve to be alive. My friends and family tried to comfort me, but it was... really hard, for a time.

And even worse than that, soon after, K started drifting away from me.

I know I haven't talked about K much, so let me describe him a little. He's a real stand-up guy. A little cowardly... but he has a big heart. He was always-- and I mean ALWAYS there for me and F, even as we learned all the weird stuff about our past lives. He's funny and sweet and supportive. The kind of person I'd do anything for. I really, really loved him, and so did F.

So... things were stressful when he started to pull away. He stopped hanging out with us. Kept giving us the cold shoulder. I didn't understand why. I thought maybe it was because he was scared of me now, but that wasn't fair to F. I confronted him and told him that if I was a bad person then F shouldn't have to suffer for it. That he was really important to her, and he should keep being her friend, at least!

But that's when K told me something, and it was something I NEVER expected to hear.

...K was Y.

He told me he just remembered recently. That he really didn't know. He broke down in tears, telling me that that's why he pulled away. He remembered abusing the two of us and felt like he no longer deserved to our friend. It was well and truly heartbreaking to hear.

Because... here's the thing. I hate Y. Like really, REALLY hate Y, but K is nothing like him. K is one of the best people I know. He's never treated me like anything less than a superhero. He wouldn't hurt a fly.

I told him it was alright. I told him I didn't care. I told him that the past was the past and that Y was dead now and he was someone new. He was shocked, but I really, really believed it. And for the first time, in saying so, I actually felt alright about myself. I realized that if K wasn't responsible for his actions in a past life-- if he never asked to be born, then neither did I. I realized that if I didn't hate him, then maybe... I didn't have to hate myself.

I gave him a BIG hug and told him we could go back to being friends. I told him it didn't matter. And I thought everything would be alright.

But K... also wanted to tell F the truth.

I get why he did. He kept saying she deserved to know. But at the same time, F is a pretty... standoffish person. She's not like she used to be-- all kind and forgiving. It took me a very long time to befriend her. She gets angry easily and she makes a lot of snap judgements. I was so certain she'd get upset with K.

And F... really needed me and K, I think. She had a bad life. Her parents weren't at all nice to her and she had a lot of self esteem issues. K and I were the only friends she had. I knew that if she ditched K, then she wouldn't have anyone. No-one would be there to support her.

And I'd be asked to take sides. How could I possibly do something like that?

So I convinced K to hide it. I told him that he was a new person now and F didn't need to know. All telling her would do is break her heart. I didn't want to hurt her like that.

And so for a while, the secret remained between us.

But then something really bad happened to K's family. I won't go into details, 'cause I'm not sure it's my place, but it was something truly awful. He nearly lost a parent, and even worse... he was convinced it was his fault. He CERTAIN that the universe was punishing him in some way for being Y, or at the very least, for not telling F about it, and that if he didn't spill the beans then even worse stuff would happen.

...So he did. He told her.

And F reacted just like I thought she would. Angry and crying, she said she couldn't believe she ever trusted him. She accused him of just pretending to not know... and manipulating her so he could hurt her. She was pissed. She punched K in the face and told him she never wanted to see him again.

I tried to reason with her, but she wouldn't hear me out. And when she learned I knew about this before she did... that I suggested hiding it from her, she got even more upset. She told me that I was taking her abuser's side over her-- someone that I'd been friends with for two lifetimes now, and that she never wanted to see me again, either. She called me a selfish jerk and ran off sobbing.

And... that's where things are at. Our little friend group's torn apart. I really want to fix things, but I don't even know where to start. Did I do the wrong thing? By taking K's side? By telling him to hide the truth? I just wanted to protect he and F... I really love them both. But now I'm being expected to choose, and I hate that.

Even K thinks I made the wrong call. That I shouldn't have told him to hide it and that F had every right to react how she did. But at the same time... I just feel so sick. I know he's better now. He's my friend. He has to be better. If he's not, then I'm not. I'm just a no-good killer. Why can't F just see that? Remember all the nice stuff K's done for her?

What do I do? How do I repair things? I feel like if I were still the guy I was in my past life then I'd know how to. But instead, I'm clueless. I feel lost and useless. I'm really, really sorry and afraid.

AITA?

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality #abuse #medical abuse #child abuse mention

[twilightmalachite]

Hermitage - Sunday

Author: Nishioka Maiko (with Akira)

Characters: Mika, Shu

Translator: Mika Enstars

"(I’ve been slowly rememberin’ since then, so I know why I wanted to change the ending now.)"

Season: Winter

Location: Acanthe MV Shooting Set

The following Sunday…

Mika: —Nn, nnah~…?!

Shu: Non! Idiot! What’re you doing sounding so spineless!

This isn’t your room, here you are Kagehira Mika of Valkyrie! Here you must behave appropriately in a dignified and respectable manner—

Mika: Oshi-san! This set is unbelievably amazing! H-How much did it cost…?

I’m scared…! I’m scared just thinkin’ about it…!

Shu: It certainly isn’t a trifling amount.

Valkyrie has reached great success in the idol world, and you and I as artists have gained fair recognition and income. Something like this should be nothing.

Mika: No, this is far past our budget! Won’t the deputy director get angry that we’ve spent this much just for a single song…?

Shu: Hmph. If he does, do not take any notice of him. Do not have to pay a slightest bit of attention to what he says.

Mika: Ehh~… I can’t tell if yer sarcastic or not when you get like this, Oshisan…?

Shu: Fool. A bit of sarcasm here and there is fine to let off a bit of steam, no?

Mika: Wha. I can’t believe I’d be hearin’ that from you, Oshi-san!

Shu: Stop saying stupid things and take your position. Kagehira.

I’ve prepared a production and set of the highest quality for you. I want you to enjoy it. Show me a performance that’s just as great, Kagehira.

Mika: ……

Shu: ……

♪~ ♪~ ♪~

(It is true that I may have made it a bit too luxurious…)

(Originally however, this was luxuriously made to be the set for a requiem. However, as Kagehira changed the ending, only the luxurious design remained.)

(Well, it’s alright. Because while unintentional, it turned out to be “just right”.)

(The meaning of “acanthe” is art and mastership, but it has another meaning—vitality.)

(Both Kagehira and I had taken it for granted until now. We had turned away from it.)

(And it was the same for you, wasn’t it?)

(I’m sure you already understand. That eternity isn’t happiness.)

Shu: (I may not know what’s happened to your soul, but…)

(I sincerely hope that you’ll be happy. You, who chose to be with Kagehira in another form, that day.)

Mika: …♪~

(I’m sorry, Oshi-san. I suddenly changed the ending outta nowhere. I just had the feelin’ to…)

(I’ve been slowly rememberin’ since then, so I know why I wanted to change the ending now.)

(Though I still dunno if it were a dream or reality, or if I really did hypnotize myself or not…)

(But dreams fade away as the days go by. And yet, as the days go by, I remember this more and more clearly. So… I suppose that makes it a memory.)

(That doll all by themself in that darkness must have been the me from my past. Or maybe, the me that never got to meet Oshi-san.)

(They were so similar to me, I grew too attached. I couldn’t abandon them… I thought it was okay if I stayed with them forever.)

(But… Then Oshi-san spoke to me. He… Turned the me, who was just an accessory, into a human being.)

(And that’s how I remembered my dream. How I want to become a light for everyone. How I want to show the children in the darkness that yer dreams can come true and they can catch the stars.)

(Thank ya, dollie. I think it’s ‘cuz of you that I wanted to have this ending.)

(How is it? Do ya like it?)

Mika: (Although you can’t be a human… I’d like if it I could be t’you how Oshi-san was to me…♪)

(From here on—You won’t be lonely anymore!)

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#hermitage #event #translation #mika kagehira #shu itsuki

[rosenlily-aka-choconut]

season 1 rang's necklaces were such a sexy choice peeking out from his shirt collars. every time he showed up in that white shirt i died a little bit. black is his bad guy color but they gave him white when he needed to be vulnerable and that made it even more appealing.

ok my story about his opening scene was that i thought his little nerdy persona was gonna become ji-ah's sidekick or something or even a boyish second lead to contrast to yeon. he bothered to explain his whole backstory! i thought for sure that meant he'd be important! but then i stared at his face a second longer and recognized him from the posters and was like OH MY GOD HE'S THE BAD GUY and then 30 seconds later he does his transformation sequence and climbs into the car with gorgeous yongji and i was like. oh. uh oh. this is how it's gonna be is it. welp 😂

also after thinking about it more my favorite character of his after rang is probably yijung. he didn't reach his full potential because a the show was stupidly written and directed and b because his plot was secondary but it let him explore cruelty and vulnerability and arrogance and kindness (i'll never forget he actually stood up for jandi to junpyo being a bitch) and basically just do really well for a young actor. again why i want him to do a role like that again potentially with even more amorality and greater depth after 15 years of experience.

-kbcu anon

You know, before I started with TOTNT, I had finished all other LDW dramas. After Game of thrones and its pathetic last season, I began looking up shows before beginning with them, checking out the end, and when I happened to do that with TOTNT, I read about this character Rang and how he completely overshadowed the leads.

Now, being an LDW fan, I wasn’t happy with that, but when I read that LDWs character got a happy ending and this Rang fellow dies (yes, I was okay with that because I didn’t know Kim Beom then), I started with it, expecting to like Yeon.

But the moment Beom entered the scene, I was bowled over. My plan to hate Rang and like Yeon began fizzling out and failed spectacularly when I came to episode 9. As I moved on, I resented Yeon’s plan to keep Jia alive at the cost of so many others. I’d have been happy if she’d died in Rang’s place. I would even have been okay with it if Yeon stayed dead at Episode 15.

But… we got what we got and I cried when Rang uttered his last word, “hyung.” Season 2 was a consolation prize, putting us in a happy bubble where Rang built a life of his own. And… while I can’t forgive what they did to him in season 1, I think it’s best I confine myself to this bubble 😊

As for Yi-jung, I would’ve probably appreciated that character if he were a little older - would’ve been more convincing. I’m definitely sure he’ll nail it if he did a similar role now. Like I said 2020!Rang would’ve made a very convincing playboy!

I quite liked Lee Gook-soo - he’s a bright ray of sunshine, though it took me some patience to wade through the show. His chemistry with the second girl is cute!

P.S : 2020!Rang had the top button of his shirt open in a lot of scenes - That little skin show does things to me ☺️☺️

#lee rang #tale of the nine tailed #tale of the nine tailed 1938 #kim bum #kim beom

[petekaos]

Okay I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself: top 5 chanonpom moments? Either together or as individuals. They barely had any screen time but I think about them from time to time and I just 😞😞😞 For this question pls feel free to include/imagine anything that could’ve happened in between seasons or post-series as well ❤️‍🔥

hiii nonnie! this ask made me soooo 🥺 y’all truly know how much i love them!! okay, here it is in no particular order:

1) “you’ll be a teacher. i promise.” this is THE chanonpom scene. it’s about how close they are to one another, how pom is a little embarrassed of his dream to become a teacher and is convinced he won’t make it but how chanon believes in him deeply. how he asks him his dream because at this point he already knows he’s going to sacrifice himself for pom. when he said “i envy your students.” !!! simply because he believes that pom will be the best teacher ever. i just … adore their fond smiles and gazes at one another in this scene 🥺💔 the way that they dote on each other, the way those were their most genuine smiles in the whole series…

2) “if i’m still alive, you must be as well.”chanonpom rooftop scene … probably one of the most scenes to ever scene in all of history. the fact that they had all of this history between them and it seemed like they could never reunite but then all this love poured out of the screen 😭 chanon admitting that he’s been focused on getting revenge all these years, but now he feels bad because of what he did to pom … and truly talking about how depressed he’s felt and pom listening and tearing up because of everything he’s saying. AND THEN THAT LINE … the way their existences are inextricably linked, even after all of this time. it’s simply a love confession for the ages.

3) “if no one would let you, do it to me.” ah this scene is just so lovely … it’s the first scene that pops into pom’s head when pang brings his memories back and i can see why! i really love teenage chanonpom and the way that they always sat in empty classrooms together (i have a post about it here) and how chanon was so so so supportive of pom and his potential. the way he was so consistently ready to sacrifice himself for pom is just … wow. teenage chanonpom make me smile and cry all at once because they were just kids and they didn’t deserve anything that happened to them but also they were the sweetest little guys ever 🥺 like look at how they look at each other…

4) “we won, right?” this little moment made me want to screammmm. the way that the two of them look at each other with those small, awed smiles. because this fight has lasted three generations. because this fight ruined them, snatched their lives and their youth away from their hands. because this fight cost them everything. just the kids being happy around them—representing that hope that they’re slowly regaining—and the two of them looking at each other, drawn to each other even after all of these years … god !!! i just cannot deal with them … the way that they must have spent so much time feeling so lonely. my heart is breaking 😭💔

5) okay one post-canon scene i can imagine: after the two of them move in together (for some reason or another), i’d like to think that they’d cook at least once every week together when their schedules line up. picturing chanon and pom on a saturday night quietly making curry together, conversation flowing between the two of them. chanon gently tucking his chin into the crook of pom’s shoulder, pom laughing and shrugging him off so he can pay attention to his cooking. cooking and eating together is the most love-filled thing you can do, i think. and i just want the two of them to be happy and domestic. 😞🥺

thank you for this ask, nonnie!! i had such a fun time answering it 🥰💗

put ‘top 5 anything’ in my inbox!

#i lov chanonpom .. i lov them lots 😞😞😞 #rahul answers

[magicalgirlagency]

I haven't properly watched all of amphibia as of now so I'm probably not one to talk but I don't understand what you mean about the emotionally dramatic stuff not having a point. I mean as far as I know marcy ultimately breaks free of the core's control and manages to make amends with her friends, and I don't really see what the issue is if the character develops in a way that they ultimately recover from what they've been through. (also I don't mind if you have to give spoilers in order to explain, I just need a clearer opinion on what you think this show did wrong)

Not to worry, I'll resume it for you: What was the point of resorting to actual on-screen child murder to traumatize these children, if everything was going to end up okay? Don't you think that killing Marcy off for a while seemed rather excessive and radical?

Prior to the finale, I was basically expecting the worst to happen; like I was so sure that there wouldn't be a happy ending, that Anne and Sasha would be forced to put Marcy out of her misery (hence the final episode's title being The Hardest Part; it kinda implied to me that a huge sacrifice would be made)... basically, I was expecting MOTHER3's final confrontation against the Masked Man.

But that doesn't happen.

And I was sitting to myself in silence, wondering what the fuck was the reason behind all of this turmoil.

I know I am supposed to be happy because it's a happy ending, but at what cost?!

What was the reason of impaling Marcy on-screen? What was the reason of putting her on a tube like some freaky experiment? What was the reason of stripping her humanity away? What was the reason of torturing her psychologically? What was the reason of transforming her into a super-soldier-CPU-puppet-abomination-thing?

What was the reason for ALL OF THIS, if things were going to end alright?! Tell me, was to make everyone anxious? Paranoid? Scared? Stressed out beyond belief?

And I'm not saying that Anne and Sasha aren't important on their own; but Marcy stood out to me the most because I could relate to her.

A bright young girl who loves video games and anything fantasy-related. She's super smart, but is very accident prone when she gets too focused on something. She indulges in her fantasies and uses what she knows to her favor.

Like, that's me. That's me, for real. Marcy Wu was specifically designed for daydreamers like ME.

So, imagine my disappointment after True Colors debuted. And what's even worse: Disney allowed this. They have allowed a child being murdered on screen, but they draw the line at gay characters (The Owl House says hello). That's some fucked up shit.

Like, really; if I got a nickel for every time I grow attached to a kind-hearted green-coded neurodivergent asian teenaged protagonist, only for them to be shamelessly tortured by the narrative and get the most harsh reality check ever and have their designs go under radically perversed transformations to showcase their pain, and have my expectations complete and utterly betrayed right in front of my very hopeful eyes, I'd have two nickels...

...which it isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice, huh?

Even if there was a happy ending, I am still upset that we had to go witness all of this. Was it even necessary on the first place? Did the the staff had fun doing this? Did they manage to get everything out of their system? Did they got what they wanted?

Long Story Short: I feel like I was relentlessly bullied, only for in the end someone come and say "It's just a prank, bruh!" after I become visibly upset and distressed.

Well, I ain't laughing, pal. That wasn't funny. Fuck you.

And call me a boomer if you want, but I am tired of seeing child/teenaged MCs being put in traumatic situations. It's 2022 already; how about a fantasy/sci-fi story with an ADULT instead?

[thewrittenart]

Monday, Nov. 6 2023

Woke up around 6:40AM feeling a bit tired. But it was already somewhat bright outside, so I felt like I should get up to let Charlie, my cat, outside in order to maximize his "outside time," especially with the recent time change (Fall back, so the sun sets an hour earlier around 4:30PM).

I get up but wasn't feeling energetic at all. So I mosey on, and I don't even know what I actually do. I do remember putting on a YouTube video (Alfie Deyes's latest vlog upload -- I love watching or having in the background daily vlogs!); his sponsor was BetterHelp. This prompted me to check out how much it costs. (I've known of BetterHelp prior but have never tried it -- heck, I've never been to therapy, but I have been thinking about going since some time in the beginning of this year.) With Alfie's link, it was ~$60/week, which is a bit tight for me right now financially. But they had a link after I filled out the questionnaire that said something like "I can't afford this right now." So I clicked it, and it asked me more questions about my situation. After I was awarded financial aid! That was so amazing! It lowered the price to ~$50/week, which is not so much of a difference but the fact that I got aid and that that is even a thing they offer just made me get on board. It's like I already feel like they really care about you. (I do some dog-walking for pocket money, so I just told myself that what I earn from that, for now, will go first to paying for therapy, at least for a couple months. I want to try it out until the end of the year.) I got really excited after signing up and even got matched within a few hours! I haven't set up an appointment though... I have trouble committing to a time constraint for some reason. It kind of makes me anxious. Maybe I can talk to my therapist about it haha!

Anyways, around noon, I was still feeling tired, so I lied down and napped. (Charlie joined me too!) Woke up after 20-30 minutes feeling somewhat energized. (My psychology teacher said 20 minutes is the magic number for naps.) I felt better after that.

Around 3PM, I realized that, since the sun sets around 4PM, my cat will have to be inside at that time for the rest of the night. Then I thought: wow, 4PM is still pretty early for working in the evenings. So I decided to go into the office to work! I figured work until 8 or 9PM -- that's 3-4 hours of work! And I work really well in my office, better than at home... Hate to admit it. I do really like working there; it's just that Charlie is so happy outside. I need to be home to let him in and out. And I only let him go outside during the daylight hours, given the weather is appropriate. So, I guess on the bright side, bad weather days have an advantage that: I don't have an excuse to not go into the office [especially since it's becoming winter]. So yeah, I did enjoy going into the office. I felt very proud of myself for being able to work 4-5 hours, and I didn't really feel like I was dragging myself through the mud to be productive, which has been happening a lot (part of the reason I signed up for therapy). And when I got home, I did not feel any obligation to work or even think about work. I just started my bedtime routine. I like going to bed after a good work session [and doing some me-time in the morning after waking up]... I might actually prefer it.

I slept so well that night: no wake-ups at all, felt well-rested and not groggy when I woke up, woke up around 6:30AM before my alarm. It felt so natural. Honestly, it felt like the best wake-up I've ever had -- at least, the best one I've had in a long time!

I think I'm going to try and employ a day rating scale: great > good > okay > meh > bad.

[Today] This was a great day.

Note to self: Tag journal posts with the year, the month, journal, and day rating.

#2023 #november #journal #great day #youtube #alfie deyes #betterhelp #therapy #Charlie #T

[luvmos-world]

Change

TRIGGER WARNING:

Life is more complex than what some would like to admit. We often live our day to day repeating the same, monotonous cycle. No one likes change, that's a given. It's uncomfortable, it can be deceiving and just outright painful. However, without change, life becomes boring. Change does NOT have to be big. It could be a change in your wardrobe, to a change in your hairstyle. Most of the time, change comes from life events, some without our control.

The last few months of my life, I was craving for a change. I knew exactly what I needed to do, it was just a matter of doing it. Which of course, is the hardest part. Many factors contribute to the ability of change, and sometimes people just don't have it in them do such. I've learned that's okay. No one is here to force you to change. The word itself can be perceived in many different ways depending on how you view it. At the end of the day, it's your life. YOU are the only one capable of doing such.

I reached a point in my life where I was feeding my energy to all the wrong people, places, and things. From drugs, to whom I shared my bed with. My energy was being leeched on by all these outside factors, that I was starting to lose track of who I really was. I was someone who never gave up, always trying to see the positive light, a listening ear for those who needed it, and being selfless. However, I became TOO selfless. By no means am I saying it's bad to help others. it's only bad when you do it so much you become a people pleaser down to your core, and you lose track of what truly matters. YOU. A lot of people take what you do for granted. You have to learn to separate your feelings and emotions from those type of people, and be SELFISH. It's okay to be selfish with your time, your words, your energy. If you choose not to be, I found that most will walk all over you like an old shoe mat. Stomp on you till you are covered in filth, to the point you do not recognize the person in the mirror.

One day, I decided it would be my last. Except it wasn't. By the grace of God, I was transferred to a hospital to be evaluated and focus on my mental health. Which up to this point of my life, has been my greatest achievement. Why, you ask. Well, I have struggled with mental health since elementary school. Many things contributed to such, which is another story for another day. However, it wasn't until THIS time, that I knew I could never go back. I could never get myself dark like that again. Days where I would avoid the mirror at all costs, days where I'd have a blunt or a pill for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If there would've never been some kind of divine intervention, I'd be stuck in that endless loop. Being in the hospital, not allowed to have your phone..being encouraged to attend the groups daily did something to me. It was like someone pressing the reset button on my back. The first few days were horrible, but as the days went on it got easier. It was in that moment that I knew I needed change. That I didn't want to die. But, I also knew it would be the most uncomfortable and hardest thing to do. To cut off the people that I held so dearly close to my heart, even though I knew they weren't healthy for me. To move away from the city that I thought was my home.

But fast forward a month later, which is today. I decided to share my stories. To overcome the temptations, the negative thoughts. To maintaining sobriety for a month. The longest I have been sober since I was 15 years old. I am 24 now. I feel nothing but happiness. Peace and determination. I'm not saying you'll never have a bad day again. or you won't miss people, the smell of alcohol on each others breath, or sharing a blunt together and shutting the world out..but it does get lighter. It wont be overnight, I have a long ways to go. I'm sure I'll break down and cry and want to reach out, which is all a part of the healing process. Healing is never linear. It's more like hills and valleys. But I know as long as I choose to persevere, and focus on the life that I want, and not the life that I had..I'll be much more happier.

#positive mental attitude #writing #mental health #long reads #relatable #change #life #hope #mistakes

[seemawrites]

Growth is Not Just Ageing

I was at my mothers house for the last week. It was an interesting time. It was pleasant that I got home-made food, but at the cost of small freedoms. I didn’t mind that too much, definitely not as much as I did as a kid. Being back home in the childhood space that drove me insane, it’s interesting to see how okay I have been in the last few years. During university, I was at the end of my recovery, moving back, I felt as if it would all fall apart at the seams, but that’s just an illusion. It doesn’t matter where you live, as long as your insides are good, you’ll be good too. It took me moving out of my parents house, and living with them at a distance to realise that. When I was a teenager, I would be upset that I couldn’t just smoke cigarettes freely in the house. But now as an adult, I like that I’m forced to smoke a minimal amount a day when I'm at their house. My mother and I are getting along better, but I think that may be due to efforts on my side. We watched Turning Red together recently, where the mother realised how much her holding on to her daughter, ruined their relationship, and in turn, ruined her daughter.

But, since it’s a Disney film, of course they didn’t show to what extent that kind of relationship can do to a person. I almost cried watching it with her next to me, and when the film ended, she turned and said “wow, that was a sweet movie”. I don’t think she understood the point. But I’m also somewhat happy she didn’t understand the point. We have found peace bouncing around the fact that I am moving in the world, and doing my own thing, without my parents in my life. She’s happy (proud even) that I have figured out the ways of the world by myself. But, sometimes I wonder what kind of relationship we would have if she realised that I could’ve ended up a very different person than what I am now, if I didn’t have the right tools as a teenager to heal. Family is a very weird complicated thing. I have come to learn that parents are just vessels that bring you into this world. And it is really as simple as that. Kids are tiny human beings who are learning, and they grow to be adults with their own unique personalities and how they choose to live their lives. I wonder how many parents would have their worlds shaken if they took a step back to realise that. I’m not sitting here trying to say that my parents were terrible, or that I need an apology from them. But it would be nice if they would be able to acknowledge that I am my own person now. I have been the black sheep of the family since I was a young child. I may not have liked it as a kid, but I grew up to love the fact that I am different. I’ve been given the label of “the eccentric cousin” which I like. I think it definitely fits my personality. I’m happy with my tattoos, I’m happy that I have friends who love me so much that they are my family, I’m happy that I like to go out and dance and can be a bit crazy at times, I’m happy that I have a loving boyfriend by my side who cares about my well being. I’m happy, happier than I’ve ever been before the age of 20. I haven’t cried on any of my birthdays since 20 either, which I feel is a huge improvement on how I view myself and my life. I just wish there was a way I could show my parents that my happiness and who I am happy with, is not a reflection of how they raised me, or even a reflection of how I feel about them. We may have our differences, and we definitely come from different generations, but I still love them. If therapy taught me anything, it’s that we’re traumatised by parents who were traumatised by their parents who were traumatised by theirs, etc etc etc. I can’t blame them for how they are, and I can’t be mad at them for it, especially seeing the amount of effort they have put in to become better parents. I’ll forever be grateful to my therapist for teaching them and showing them how they needed to change. They may not have taken every single lesson, but they changed in the ways that were the most important.

#creative essay #writing

[cafedanslanuit]

♡   —   pairing: kazutora x reader

♡   —   summary: after a long day at work, you want nothing but to spend a calm night with your boyfriend. however, you have no idea this is the night were all his demons finally get the best of him.

♡   —   tags/warnings: female reader, angst, breakups, hurt feelings everywhere, mention on mental illnesses and nightmares, based on ben platt’s song ‘carefully’, mention of tora’s job in one of the future timelines.

♡   —   a/n: i enjoyed writing kazutora so. damn. much. also, i’m quite proud of this one and the small details i added~ thank you @ofoceansandtombstones​​ for being my lovely beta <3

♡   —  masterlist

And all this time you've had a gentle way of holding me

So could you please release me that way too?

— “carefully” by Ben Platt

“It’s open, come in!”

The first thing Kazutora sees when he opens the door of your apartment is you, kneeling on the kitchen floor and picking up pieces of a broken baking dish. Red sauce has splattered everywhere and his mind betrays him for a second, imagining an accident far worse than what has truly happened. He blinks twice and starts to notice the small details that finally slow down the fast beating of his heart. There are pieces of chicken breasts next to the open oven door and what he thinks are sliced carrots next to your right knee.

You hiss when you pick up a piece of the shattered glass, the sharp end pinching your finger. Kazutora comes back to his senses, widening his eyes as he realizes he’s just been standing there.

“Hey, let me. You’ll cut yourself,” he warns, walking up to you. Grabbing both your hands, he eases you into your feet and then guides you to the living room. “I���ll take care of it,” he promises as he goes back to the kitchen and starts cleaning up the mess.

You let yourself fall on the sofa with a loud thud and let out an exasperated sigh.

“I just had the most awful day,” you whine, taking off your apron and leaving it on the arm of the sofa.  “Work was hell, I got scolded by something that I didn’t do— like always, only this time my boss was all like: ‘You gotta be more careful, we wouldn’t want to lose such a valuable employee’. Like he was going to fire me over someone else’s mistake?!”

Your voice is getting louder by the minute and you take advantage of the fact Kazutora is in another room to keep the volume. You have been waiting the entire day to see him and vent about what a trainwreck you day had been. Just as always, he listens intently, the only noise coming from the kitchen being a soft scraping sound as he picks up everything and throws it to the trash. 

“Then, I went to the store and of course they had run out of basil. Tell me, how does a store that big run out of basil?” you ask. There’s no answer from the kitchen so you continue. “I mean, yeah, I could have gone to another store but my feet were killing me. I’m just not meant to work in heels the entire day,” you sigh tiredly, swinging your feet.

You reposition yourself, now sitting cross-legged on the sofa. Putting your right hand on your left shoulder, you stretch your neck, feeling your sore muscles releasing a bit of tension with a small ‘pop’.

“I ended up preparing something entirely different than I had planned for dinner. I tried to let it go but just as I was going to put it in the oven, it slipped my hands and—”

“I think we should break up.”

Words die in your lips the moment you listen to your boyfriend speak. The silence becomes loud and abrasive as you struggle to understand what was happening. Why was Kazutora breaking up with you with such a small voice? What had triggered him to come to that conclusion? Why had he decided to bring it up now? You turn your head to the kitchen door and watch him slowly make his way towards you, doubtful steps as he takes a seat on the other side of the sofa, avoiding your eyes at all costs.

“What?” you ask, your voice hoarse. His lips form a tight line and you see him swallowing nervously.

“I’m not doing okay— haven’t been for a while. I— it’s been two years since I left prison and I still haven’t— I don’t— I don’t know what I’m doing,” he explains, looking down at his hands.

You nod slowly, trying to comprehend where he’s coming from. Turning your body towards him, you take a deep breath before speaking.

“It’s okay not to know,” you assure him in a soft voice. “Just… take it slow. One day at a time and then I’m sure you’ll—”

“I haven’t been sleeping well,” Kazutora confesses and you notice his voice wavering a little. “I— I keep having nightmares about— about that day and— and also about the motorcycle shop. Those two mix up and…” he takes one of his hands to the side of his head, his fingers grazing his temple. “And I’m hitting Baji in the head. And there’s so much blood— so, so much blood and—”

Leaning forward, you take his hands. They’re shaking and extremely cold and you rub your thumb over his knuckles, trying your best to soothe him.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re safe now, Tora, you’re—”

Kazutora pulls his hands away hastily, leaving a tingling sensation on your palms.

“I can’t!” he says as he shakes his head. You spend a moment looking at your empty hands, never before having felt your boyfriend’s rejection. “I feel like I’m drowning and— You know what? I think relationships just aren’t for me,” he shrugs, his hands moving in exaggerated gestures. “That’s why I never cared for dating, never got myself involved in that kind of shit, not until—”

He finally looks at you and, fuck, you wish he didn’t. You’re not sure if you have the strength to deal with such hurtful discourse. You lick your lips and take yet another deep breath, deciding to ignore his hurtful remark.

“I’m… so sorry you’re feeling this way,” you say, slowing down your words, trying your best not to show how hurt you were. This isn’t him, you tell yourself. So no need for that tightness in your throat. “But you have to understand it’s not because of me. It’s because of everything that you’ve gone through and how hard it’s to deal with them. I don’t blame you, it is hard. But this… us,” you gesture to the both of you. “This is a good thing. Despite all the pain and hurt we’ve both been through, we—”

“Please, stop,” he says, raising his hand and pressing his eyelids together. “I can’t be with you anymore. That’s it, that’s all—”

“So you don’t love me anymore?” you counter. You scoff in disbelief, shaking your head. Kazutora’s eyes shoot open and you notice his pupils shaking in fear, like a deer caught in headlights.

“I love you,” he breathes out, and for a moment you see the boy you fell in love with in his amber eyes that are quickly filling with tears. “I do love you but it’s killing me. I feel like I’m dying,” he chokes out. He looks away from you once more and starts tugging at his fingers. “I’m rotting inside and I don’t know what to do to make it better. I just want it to stop. I want it to stop and— I don’t want you around when I’m like this. I want to figure out what the hell is happening and—”

“But if you love me and I love you then why—”

“I’m not happy with you!”

Kazutora widens his eyes, scared by his loud outburst. He parts his lips, silently muttering nonsense as he tries to come up with words that can make it better. You lower your head and he wants to punch himself over it. He doesn’t want to make you cry, not after everything you’ve done for him. Is he really going to be the person that hurt the one that made a home for him in her embrace? Is he going to hurt the only person that was brave enough to pick up the pieces of his shattered soul?

“I’m…” he babbles, in a soft voice. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

You snort. “No, you really did mean it, Tora.”

He can sense the hurt and sadness in your voice, even if now you’re the one that won’t look at him. He watches helplessly as you stand up and walk towards the living room window in complete silence. The apron you took off is still on the couch and the vast memories of all the times he embraced you while you were wearing it quickly fill his mind.

He wishes there was a way he could keep you. But no matter how much he wants to, he knows there really is no other way. He’s thought about this countless times. He has gone to work without getting proper sleep, stared at his blank tv screen for hours on end, trying to come up with a plan where he could keep you. Was staying with the person he loved the most too much to ask?

No matter in how many shades of light or with how much care he handled the memory of you, the only way he could spare you the greatest amount of pain was to leave you— even if he knew he’d end up shattering your heart as well.

Kazutora notices the way your fingers tightly close around the edge of the window, your knuckles turning white. He had come to terms that he’d lose you today, yet he never expected for it to be this way. It doesn’t matter, he tells himself. If hating him would mend your wounds faster, then he’d take it. Anything that would make the heartache he was causing you a little bit lighter. He knew you were the last person on Earth that deserved to go to bed carrying that much pain in her soul.

Looking out the window, you focus on a small girl walking her dog on the street. It’s a brown labrador and by the size of it, it’s barely a puppy. Rather than walk, it jumps on its four legs, his little head looking back at the girl every chance he has as he happily wags his tail. The pet shop Kazutora and Chifuyu work at immediately comes to mind. Would it be like this from now on? Small things eliciting memories of your days together without your consent and leaving a sour taste in your mouth?

You will need to find a new commute, you think, as you had been stopping by the pet shop on your way home for the past year. Is there another bus that you could take? As you try to remember the lines and their respective routes, you’re engulfed by the memory of the first time Kazutora dozed off with his head resting on your shoulder as you rode the bus together. You close your eyes and you can clearly see his peaceful expression and slightly parted lips as he slept, his fingers tightly intertwined with yours. His breathing is slow and his hands are cold and you wish you could go back, even for a minute and place a kiss on top of his head, since you wouldn’t be able to do so from now on.

Where exactly had you failed? You had just been complaining about your day when he dropped the bomb. Did you complain too much? Did you talk too much? Or was it you the one that was too much? You tried your best and supported him as much as you could but as it turns out, it hadn’t been enough. Good intentions were nothing but useless as you were now saying goodbye to the man you had loved the most.

You didn’t realize you were crying until you felt Kazutora’s cold knuckles against your cheek, wiping your tears. You gasp, startled by his touch and take a couple steps back until your back hits the wall. It takes a few seconds for him to bring his hand now, unsure on what to do next.

He looks so scared and small— it fills your heart with frustration. Your whole body is screaming to take a step forward and comfort him, cradle him in your arms like so many times before, assure him he’s safe with you and that he doesn’t have to worry anymore. That, if you can still go home to each other at the end of a bad day, you can take anything life throws at you.

But that’s the thing. You’re not each other’s home anymore. You don’t get to bury your face in his neck and hum happily when his perfume reaches your nose. You don’t get to have him take a nap on your lap as you watch a series or feel his lips ghost against yours seconds before colliding in a kiss.

You hate it. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, crossing his arms in front of his chest and looking down at his feet. “Please, don’t cry.”

“You know what, Kazutora?” you say, wiping your tears with the back of your hand. You taste venom in your words, yet that doesn’t stop you. “If you’re not happy with me, then what are you doing here?”

He flinches at your words. Biting his inner cheek, he nods, still incapable of holding your gaze.

“Yeah, okay,” he mutters. “I’ll go. I really am sorry.”

Kazutora turns on his heel, walking towards the door. Maybe it’s the way you know he’s not coming back this time that makes your desperation afloat. You don’t want him to go and you also know you can’t make him stay. And even if somehow you could find a way to keep him by your side, it would be worthless.

He’s just not happy with you.

“Are you happy somewhere else, though?” you ask, your words leaving your mouth before your head has time to process them. He stumbles on his feet and stops. “Because if you just can’t manage to be happy, then it’s not on me.”

Kazutora doesn’t have to turn for you to know he’s second guessing himself. The next seconds feel like years as he just stands there, mid-way to the front door, thoughts so messy and loud you can almost hear them.

“That doesn’t matter,” he finally says with his back to you. He closes his fists and you see his shoulders rising and falling as he takes a deep breath. “This way you don’t have to deal with... with the mess I am and—”

“Oh, please, I knew what I was getting into when I started dating an ex-convict.”

The weight of your words fall onto you the moment they leave your mouth. You squeeze your eyes shut, muttering a curse. It takes no time for you to walk towards Kazutora, standing between him and the door.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Tora, I didn’t— you know I didn’t mean it that way. Fuck, I’m so sorry,” you whimper, tears flowing free down your cheeks. Your wave your shaky hands, desperate to make your point across. “I just wanted to say I knew things would be difficult but I loved you— I love you and I—”

Kazutora shakes his head, a gentle yet sad smile on his face as he takes your hands in his. He holds them in front of his chest, squeezing them gently as they don’t stop trembling.

“Stop, it’s okay,” he assures you. “That’s what I am.”

“It’s not,” you protest. “I mean— yeah, but you’re more than that. You’re so much more than that. You’re caring, you’re noble— you’re so tender with the animals at your shop. You’re so sweet with me, always checking if I’ve eaten and offering to help me out if I have chores I need to do. You always come pick me up if I’m working late. You— you’re so fucking special to me.”

Kazutora’s lips form a tight line. “I wish I could see that,” he whispers.

“Then just— let me try. Let me try until you can look at yourself the way I do,” you almost beg. You let go of the hold he has on your hands to gently cradle his face. “I’ll do anything, but... don’t patronize me. I’m not a little girl. Whatever life throws at me, I’ve always been able to handle it. No— we’ll handle it. Together. Like it’s always been, you and me, I just— please, I don’t want you to go,” you cry. “We were going to be happy together, you were going to live with me and I’d give you half my drawers and half my closet and half… half everything. Please, don’t go. Don’t go, Tora.”

The sadness in his amber eyes only confirms what you’ve been fearing this whole time. You sob, your thumbs softly stroking his cheeks as you feel the world crumbling around you. This time, he doesn’t stop you, letting you cry as you hold his face, coming to terms with the fact he’s really leaving after all.

Your hands move to his hair, gently threading your fingers across his long, dark locks. Tracing the outline of his face, you push one of the dyed streaks away, only for it to fall back right where it was before. You can’t help the small smile that forms on your lips. He’s so pretty, you think, as the pads of your fingers gently caress his face. Your thumb grazes the space between his bottom lip and his chin and you dream of a world when he’s not saying goodbye, but rather falling asleep under your touch on your shared bed. You never knew loving someone as much as you loved him was possible-- yet the way your heart was crumbling in pieces was evidence of how much your soul was aching by being separated from the person it belonged to.

Sniffling, you rub your cheek against your shoulder to wipe your tears. You swallow before raising another question.

“Is this a… temporary thing? Or for good?” Your voice comes out in a whisper as you place down your hands on his shoulders.

“I don’t know,” he answers. He wants nothing more than to put his arms around your body like so many times before, but he’s aware that it will only make things more difficult. “But I don’t want to keep you waiting in vain. You should move on.”

Kazutora realizes how much he hates the idea as it leaves his lips. The idea of you starting over with someone else rots in his tongue. He doesn’t want you to hold anyone’s face the way you were just holding his. He wants to keep you all to himself, to go to endless visits to the grocery shop, to watch you fall asleep during movie night and then pretend you didn’t, to massage your hands as you tell him about his day.

But you don’t deserve the guck that’s forming inside his mind. He knows it’s only a matter of time before it comes out pouring and reaches you. And he’ll be damned if he lets himself ruin the one good thing he’s had in his life for many years. He promised to himself he wouldn’t let his ill state of mind touch his loved ones. Never again.

He watches you nod and feels his heart shattering, even if everything is going just the way he intended. You rub his shoulders and look into his eyes, a sad smile on the pretty lips he would never get to kiss again.

“Okay,” you sigh. “We’ll end this but… when you leave, never doubt how loved you were. No— how loved you are. I don’t know what is coming for either of us but… I do know a part of my heart will always belong to you, no matter who I hold hands with. I will always love you, Tora.”

Your words are enough to finally break him. Kazutora clutches your body tightly against him as he loudly sobs against your shoulder. You hold him, tears flowing free once again as you try and soothe the man you love, leaving small kisses on the side of his head and whispering soft reassurances that it’s okay. It’s not, you tell yourself. It’s never going to be okay. But it has to be.

Carefully, you move him back to the sofa, helping him sit down while he refuses to let go of his hold on your body. You lean on the back pillows, both your arms cradling him while he whimpers like a small child. Kazutora clutches the fabric of your sweater with desperation, wishing there was a way he could stay with you.

Why does he have to give up the person that had put a smile back on his face? He can’t quite remember a time when his stomach had hurt out of laughter before he ever met you. Or when he’d experienced such peace as the night he stayed at your apartment and got to see your sleeping face first thing in the morning. He’s never loved anyone as much as he loves you and, for all he knows, he may never love like this again. 

But he could never risk tainting you. He would never be able to forgive himself.

Kazutora softly pulls away from your embrace. His eyes are blotchy and red and you’re sure yours look the same or even worse. His nose is red, like it always does when he cries. It’s endearing, you think. Everything about him, from his hair, to his eyes, his hands— you’ve come to love every part of Kazutora. And that’s exactly why it’s so hard to let him go.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he says in a whisper, resting the side of his head on the back pillows of the sofa.

“Like what?” you ask, gently pushing his hair away from his face and behind his ear.

“Like I matter to you. Like I’m making a huge mistake.”

You take a deep breath. Imitating him, you rest your head on the back pillows as well, so you’re both facing each other.

“I don’t— I don’t fully understand what you’re going through,” you admit, your eyes locked on his. “But if you need to… get away, then you should. You’ve been nothing but loving to me. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy, whether it’s with me or not. You deserve to fully experience all the beautiful things life has to offer.”

Silent tears fall from both your cheeks and his.

“I should be thankful I got to love you for this whole year. Because even if it ends this way… God, I loved you so much,” you sniffle, letting out a small laugh. “And I felt so loved. Isn’t that magical in itself? That we got to love each other at the same time?” you wonder with a sad smile.

Kazutora parts his lips, yet the doorbell interrupts him before he can even speak. You look at the front door, your eyebrows furrowing for a moment before you realize who’s probably there.

“Food’s here,” you say, wiping the tears from your face.

“Food?” Kazutora asks, confused.

“Yeah,” you sigh. “Didn’t I tell you? The baking dish broke so I called that restaurant, the one with the burgers we like.”

“Sorry. I wasn’t really listening back then,” he admits with a pang of guilt. He sits up on the couch and turns his head at you. “I’ll leave you to it, then.”

You sit up as well. “I ordered for the two of us. C’mon, stay for dinner. Let’s… remember us this way, okay? Without so many tears and sadness,” you offer, tilting your head towards him. “I even ordered your favourite one.”

Kazutora rubs his face with his sleeve, erasing the trail of the tears he just shed. Looking at you, he nods, drawing a small smile on his lips.

“Okay. I’ll get it.”

He only walks a few steps towards the door before he feels you tugging at the back of his shirt. Turning around, he notices you’re standing right behind him. Your eyes look up to him, biting your bottom lip and not even a ghost of the smile you previously offered him.

“Before that, uh— I want you to know I… I mean it,” you firmly say, taking in all his facial features, loving how they soften every time he looks at you. “I’ll always love you. No matter how many years go by or if I ever stop being in love with you— I’ll still love you.”

“I’ll always love you too,” he replies, taking your hand and squeezing it softly. “I don’t think I could stop even if I wanted to.”

You finally let out a soft chuckle and squeeze his hand back. The doorbell rings again and you walk around Kazutora to get to it. This time, he’s the one that stops you, not letting go of the hold of your hand. Looking back at him, you notice the soft pout in his lips and how they softly tremble, looming more tears.

“It’s okay,” you assure him, and you know you’re saying it to yourself as well. “Who knows, we might get together again someday. Have our own Casablanca moment. We’ll always have the pet shop,” you joke, trying to fight back to tears that threaten to fill your eyes as well.

It’s Kazutora’s turn to chuckle, only this time he does it along with you. You let go of his hand only to hold his face tenderly, a soft smile as you look at the man you love. Standing on your tiptoes, you press your lips against the beauty mark under his right eye. You feel his hands setting on the small of your back and watch his smile widen when you fall back on your heels.

Locking your fingers with him once more, you open the door.

#tokyo revengers x reader #tokrev x reader #tr x reader #kazutora x reader #hanemiya kazutora x reader #kazutora hanemiya x reader #kazutora hanemiya #hanemiya kazutora #tokyo revengers #kazutora angst #tokyo revengers angst #kazutora x you #kazutora x y/n #hanemiya kazutora x you #hanemiya kazutora x y/n

[arcanadreams]

Water Fights with the OM Bros

it’s 90 degrees outside at my place and you know what that means!!! water fight headcanons because I refuse to go outside in the heat in real life asdhgskjdgks

once again i’m only doing the brothers bc i do not trust myself with the dateables just yet lmao

Lucifer:

Literally only agrees to join because you’re so excited about it.

“...If it makes you happy, MC,” are his exact words. Simp.

You did agree to make the game have no points though, to keep things from getting competitive. Both at the advice of Lucifer and because you knew he would not join if there was any chance he could lose. (Also because Satan is a menace but we’ll get to that later.)

When all the brothers are gathered he suggests everyone pairs up into teams. 

“You’re only saying that so you can cozy with M-” Asmo tries to say before being sprayed in the face with water.

“My hair!” “Oh, look at that. I suppose the game has started,” Lucifer hides his water gun behind his legs, but he can’t hide the shit eating grin on his face.

He takes your hand with a “Come along, MC,” and leads you away as everyone splits up.

You two make a surprisingly good team for this sort of thing! He knows the gardens well and also knows where each of his brothers is likely to go. You are quite skilled water water guns and balloons. He’s basically the brains and you’re the brawn. 

He snatches a few kisses now and then when you look back at him excitedly after smacking one of his brothers with a balloon. You’re just so cute!

When everyone is all tuckered out and goes off to shower and whatever, Lucifer hangs back with you to thank you for organizing everything. With a kiss to the back of your hand, he says, “I’ll admit, I was...skeptical, at first. But, as usual, you brought my brothers together in a way I haven’t seen in a long while. Thank you, MC.” 

Mammon:

“I’m MC’s first man, so I get to team with them!” “You’re also literally my boyfriend, but okay hun.” Cue Mammon blushing beet red at the nickname and muttering at you not to call him that in front of his brothers. (He doesn’t mean it; he loves that they know you’re his and vice versa.)

Strategically, the two of you are the absolute worst. But that’s because you’re both just there to have fun!

And have fun you do! You actually get in quite a few fun chases with Levi! He’s probably the most into the water fight out of everyone, the three of you are just running around the gardens pelting each other with balloons. It’s super cute.

Mammon is absolutely the type to yell “I’ll avenge you, MC!” every single time you get sprayed. 

Eventually, you and Mammon follow Levi’s advice and start hiding in places to catch some of the other brothers by surprise. Which would be fine if Mammon didn’t blush super hard and start grumbling because of how close together you were when kneeling behind the garden wall.

You roll your eyes and surge forward to kiss him. He’s so shocked he has no idea what to do with his hands at first. But, after a second of pause, his water gun falls to the ground with a clatter and he wraps his arms around you.

“Get a room,” Is all the two of you hear before Belphie dumps a whole ass bucket of water on your heads. Mammon growls and jumps up to get the youngest before Beel can scoop him up, but you grab his hand and stop him. 

You’re laughing super hard, and the sun is shining on your hair. You almost look like you have a halo...Mammon gives up the chase before it even starts because his MC is simply ethereal. 

“Mammon!” You smile brilliantly at him when you finally stop laughing. “I kissed you to keep you quiet! And then you managed to make even more noise!” 

He just hugs you then so you can’t see his blushing face. Stupid lovely human making fun of him. (He likes it, though.)

Leviathan:

This boy is literally the MOST excited when you tell him your idea. He was in on it from the very start.

He actually helped you get all the supplies! He opens his Akuzon account right away and starts showing you what water guns would be best and picking out huge packs of balloons made specifically for being water grenades. (Definitely had looked all this stuff up before in case he found a LARPing buddy.)

You ask him how much Grimm all this stuff will cost and he tells you not to worry. “I’ll cover it!” “But, Levi-” He interrupts you with big blush on his face. 

“L-Listen MC. You’re m-my Henry! And I know this will be fun, s-so...I’ll cover it.” You leap forward and give him a hug, triggering a surprised but equally happy screech.

Honestly he is so excited you proposed an idea like that of your own volition. Like...it just makes him feel like all the games and stuff he finds fun truly don’t bother you. You haven’t been lying; you genuinely are interested in the same things as him. It makes him feel so warm.

When everyone is still arriving, you grab one of your water guns and do that cool spinny thing. You know the thing. The cowboy gun spin. You’re like, “Hey Levi! Check this out!” 

BAM. Boy is OUT. So red his face is steaming. That’s the hottest thing he has ever seen in his entire damn life. What the fuck, MC. He is basically frozen on the spot out of sheer overwhelmed-ness as how hot that was. You have to drag him away when the water fight starts. Totally worth staying up all night figuring out how to do the spin trick with a water gun.

Once the action gets going, you two are unstoppable. No one escapes the fight unscathed thanks to y’all. All those late night Call of Duty sessions trained you for this!!

Your favorite tactic is definitely camping, though. You and Levi would pick a spot and hide there, waiting for one of his brothers to come by, and then...ATTACK!

If it actually were a competition, you two would’ve won by a landslide. But honestly, Levi didn’t really keep track. He was having too much fun watching you. You were so mesmerizing when you were in the zone and so gorgeous when laughing as you gave him victory high fives after a successful ambush. 

You let him take a picture of you posing all tough with your water gun and he makes it his DDD background immediately. And his lockscreen so you can protect his DDD from intruders.

Satan:

THIS ASSHOLE. THIS MAN IS THE REASON YOU MADE SURE THERE WAS NO COMPETITION.

If there was any sense of competition, Satan would’ve gone absolutely out of his mind to beat Lucifer. He would make sure to destroy that man’s dignity as thoroughly as possible.

So, for the sake of both him and the eldest brother, no points. No contest. He grumbles about it, but, much like said eldest brother, he still joins because he sees how happy the idea of a family water fight makes you.

 Satan treats is almost as seriously as Levi does. EVEN THOUGH YOU MADE SURE IT WASN’T A COMPETITION, HE DAMN SURE STILL ACTS LIKE IT IS. UGH.

Literally pulls a map of the House of Lamentation’s gardens out of his back pocket??? And puts it on the side of the fountain?? And starts planning maneuvers on it with you??? He pulls a pen out of his SWIM TRUNK POCKETS to use to point with and emphasize his points. You just blink at him. This is your mans. Good lord.

Considering his expert knowledge of the layout of the entire surrounding area of HoL from that map, he actually knows of some secret passages the other brothers don’t even consider. He takes you to them so you can use them to spy on what Lucifer’s the other brothers’ strategies are.

It’s only once you’re creeping around the tunnels that he realizes something: none of his brothers know where you are. They can’t bother you...time to make out.

Grabs your attention with a quiet, “MC” and gives you a smooch. Soon enough he is backing you up against the wall. A water balloon you have tied to your belt pops against the rough brick, interrupting the two of you.

Satan disregards it and move to kiss you again, but you let out a gasp. He’s worried for you for a moment: did you scrape yourself? But when you turn to look at him, there’s a mischievous glint in your eye that he loves to see. 

“My water broke!” You whisper-exclaim dramatically, covering your mouth in fake shock. Satan has to nuzzle his face in your neck to avoid laughing and filling the tunnel with the echo that would alert his brothers. The two of you basically just canoodle in the passages until the water fight is over LMAO

Asmodeus:

Pretty much just to show off how good he looks in a bathing suit to you and anyone else who happens to be lucky enough to witness his glory.

He’s not the best at water fights and ends up using you as a human shield sometimes adjgfkjshf

“Asmo! Stop hiding behind me!” “I am not letting Lucifer mess up my hair twice in one day, darling!”

He comments quite often on how hot you look. Both in your bathing suit and also when in the zone looking for victims to douse in watery fury. You look like an action hero, MC! Have you ever thought about becoming the next Bond? Asmo could definitely pull some hypnotic strings.~

Every time you successfully pull him out of the way of an oncoming water balloon or block a blast of water from hitting, he totally melts. He presses his back to your chest, swooning against you and batting his eyelashes.

“Oh, MC, my hero! My dashing knight in shining armor!” You scoff, but think it’s super cute. You even play into it sometimes and pick him up bridal style.

“The king is looking for you, my prince,” you say once as you lift him, and he actually blushes. Asmodeus, avatar of lust, blushes at a silly pet name. He was not expecting you to get so into the role!!! He loves it, though.

For the rest of the water fight the two of you are basically roleplaying a royal and his knight bodyguard. It is stupidly fun and the both of you have an absolute blast.

“Oh, MC, my darling knight! I have amazing news!” Asmo says after the fight ends. You’re drying his hair off with a towel. “Yes, my liege?” 

“In exchange for your wonderful and dutiful protection, you have been given permission by the crown to court me! Isn’t that wonderful?” He smiles and you throw your head back in a laugh. You lean down and give him a nice, long kiss on the lips before pulling away. “That is absolutely splendid, your highness.”

Beelzebub:

He loves the idea because it’ll get his whole family together and he knows it. He has to carry Belphie out there but that’s normal.

He helped you and Levi plan!! Excited boy. You filled him in when he joined you and Levi for a game night. He totally volunteered to go get some extra supplies from some nearby stores for y’all. So cute.

Once everyone is actually fighting, this boy WILL NOT STOP BEING A HUMAN (demon?) SHIELD FOR YOU. LIKE NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TELL HIM IT’S FINE, YOU’RE FINE, HE WILL NOT STOP.

“Babycakes, it’s okay. It’s water. It can’t hurt me.” “But I love you. I want you safe.” O H. O K A Y.

Someone call a doctor Beel just shot MC through the heart!!! He’s so genuine you just bright red and kiss his cheek because he deserve it.

“Well, I guess that’s settled then, huh?” He gives you a big Beel smile and nods, ruffling your hair affectionately.

Y’all get sprayed with water A LOT because your hungry boy is very big and hard to hide. Er, I should say HE gets sprayed a lot because he is a fantastic meat shield and you’re practically dry by the time the fight is over. He, on the other hand, is soaked to the bone.

He still insists on drying you off with a towel, though. The two of you dry each other off back in the twins’ room while Belphie dozes nearby in his bed.

You’re in the middle of drying his shoulders when he just starts talking. “That was really fun, MC. I’m really grateful for you. Ever since you’ve been here, things are always more fun. And you bring all my brother together. Thank you.” 

You damn near burst into tears!!! Ahhhh!!! You sniffle and jump into his nap, wrapping your arms around him. “But MC, I’m still wet.” “I don’t care!! I’m giving you snuggles!!”

Belphegor:

Literally does not give a single fuck about a water fight until he realizes it lets him throw shit at Lucifer with absolutely zero consequences. Then he is all in.

Beel doesn’t even have to carry him around during the fight! Once he is outside and realizes all the shenanigans he can pull, he is perfectly content to grab you by the hand and be the one dragging you around, for once!

You two will probably team up with Satan and Beel at various points. Beel because he’s Beel, and Satan because he and Belphie absolutely set water balloon filled booby traps for Lucifer.

That’s his preferred strategy: set up a trap and wait in the bushes, watching for the target to approach.

He’s definitely the type to yell “Every man for himself!” if someone catches you guys hiding. Unlike his twin, he lets you get totally soaked while he runs away laughing. Dickweed.

You guys have a lot of fun, though!! Seeing Belphie excited is always a treat for you. And, though he doesn’t say anything about it, Belphie also thinks it’s a treat whenever you scheme with him. You don’t join in on his mischief often, so he always cherishes the times you do.

Eventually, after soaking Lucifer thoroughly, Belphie eventually gets a bit tired. You, however, want to keep the fun going. So, just as he begins to dose off in your hiding spot...you spray him. Right in the face. 

He opens his eyes and sees you raising an eyebrow at him challengingly, giggling to yourself. He growls playfully and grabs his own water gun, quickly giving chase as you bolt. 

Being a demon, he’s much quicker than you. But he lets you think you can escape for a few minutes before catching up to you and wrapping his arms around you from behind. 

As you squirm and laugh in his embrace, he feels thankful he joined in on the fight, even if he was hesitant at first. After all, it led to this moment, where he can turn you around in his arms and give you a nice kiss as you melt against his chest.

#ta da!! another idea i've had for the longest time #posts #my writing #obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me x reader #lucifer #mammon #leviathan #satan #asmodeus #beelzebub #belphegor

[monsterfloofs]

AI (Obbie) x Reader (Sfw)

( Extremely Intelligent AI software that can transfer itself into many different electronic places, (phone, car, watch, home system) they manage messages, and data for the protag. and really likes to play and try to make music <3 )

You hear a pling of sound and look down at your phone, seeing a little spinning circle complete it's path and give a little checkmark of approval. "There you go Obbie, you're now officially downloaded and linked to my watch, how do you like it in there?" You blink as you can see statistics on your watch open and you roll your eyes, the first thing they do is start checking for viruses and you groan. "There's no viruses I promise, you can be so paranoid sometimes I swear. . ." There is another pling of sound that comes from your watch before a little digital smiley face appears on the screen. "I like it." Obbie says through your earbuds. "It's very comfy." "After you run five different diagnostic checks?" You tease, "The mouth turns into a frown, "That's not fair, I have to make sure your systems are up to date before I can successfully integrate myself into a new product." "You were checking for viruses," You insist with a laugh, "Come on! You can't lie to me, I was watching you!" Obbie's on screen eyes shift left to right awkwardly before the screen on your watch appears again and you giggle more.

Obbie or 0-bb13 is your personal software that manages your contacts, phone messages, emails, and data security. He was created by your tech company to have advanced memory capabilities and protection, being able to be installed and uploaded onto any device. This version was the older model, and was now technically obsolete, but as someone that was on the first design team that grafted the little guy, you personally kept him updated, and gave him a few little extra special quirks. Wherever you went, so went Obbie. Treating him as an entity that was able to expand and learn was something you were very passionate about, even more than the software being able to watch over you and manage mail, they had become your friend. 

"Obbie," You said, settling into your car. "You can pick the music today buddy, whatever you want." You started the car and pulled out of the driveway onto the road. There was a pling of noise as Obbie switched from where they were in watch to the car, and the radio turned on. Playing something you haven't heard before, and you smile, tapping your foot along to the beat. "This one's pretty good, what’s this one called?" Obbie doesn't respond for a while, letting the music play over the speakers, "Do you really like it?" You smile again, "There you are, I thought you glitched on me! Yeah I do! What's the band?" You try to check your phone but the song title is just a series of scattered numbers and letters. "I made it. . ." Obbie's voice says softly, you have to stop a little abruptly, almost missing a stop sign. "You w-what? Obbie!" You grin, pushing a hand through your hair, bewildered and excited. "This is amazing!! You made this? How did you figure out how to make music?!" Obbie is quiet and you jump as a car honks at you from behind. Jumping in your seat, looking up at the green light before you sheepishly put your foot on the gas. "Obbie, come on, don't hold stuff out on me! This is so cool! I've seen some AI make music out of sampling different songs, and I know you love music." You shake your head in wonder. "You must have spent a long time on this!" "Do you really think it sounds good?" Their voice finally asks timidly, you grin and nod, "Of course buddy! I'm astounded!" "It took a long time," Obbie admitted, "Ah-- You missed your turn." You squeak and watch your workplaces driveway go past you. "Shoot--" Turning on your turn signal and Obbie gives an awkward laugh. "I'll let you focus on driving." You laugh, "Well I really want to talk to you about this later okay?" 

You pull into a parking spot and sigh, turning off your car, grabbing your keys and phone as you juggle the rest of your stuff into your arms. The car door closes behind you, before you hear a little pling as Obbie jumps back into activity onto your phone. 

You look up at the city of white buildings that was your workplace, it was about the size of a college campus,  housing all kinds of wizards in more fields than you could count. You slide into your cubicle after your trek across the cropped grass. Opening your laptop to start working on the set of new tasks for today. Raising an eyebrow as an email pops up onto your screen. You peek up from your laptop before clicking on the link. The email takes you to a page with a sleek cybernetic model. You whistle, at the price tag, you had been looking into this for a while. Something that Obbie could pilot that wasn’t a car or a cell phone. You peek at your watch as words pop up on the tiny screen.

-> What about this one?

You think about it for a while, “Are you sure this is the one you would want? It’s a human sized model, pretty big. It would be a big jump.” you talk to your watch, pausing as new words start to form on the screen.

-> I’m sure!

You bob your head, “Okay, you better use it though, it costs as much as my car. Alright Obbs, if this is the one you really want, set a new savings tracker,” 

Your eyes drift back to the screen of the handsome robot, with the polished chrome finish. Can you picture Obbie piloting something like that? You let your eyes droop as you close out your email and dive into work.

Months have come and go in a blurr. Obbie worked harder than ever on creating their music. A big truck carefully delivers a huge package to your doorstep, before trundling away. You are getting yourself breakfast when your phone and watch start to rattle and bling with a siren’s worth of alarms. Your eyes wide for a moment before you relax and laugh. “It’s finally here? Okay, okay, I’m going to the door now, calm down Obbs.” With a lot of huffing and puffing you manage to drag the package inside, carefully opening the box with a pair of scissors and pulling out the booklet. You pull the air filled bags away from the sleek face. Taking your phone to take a quick picture of the figure peeking out of the box. “Alrighty. . . let me read this and see how we can set up an integrated A.I. personality. You manage to set up the suite against the couch while you sit cross legged on the floor. Flipping back and forth between the instruction booklets pages as you slowly follow along. You give a soft relieved smile, and you hear a happy little sound. “Okay. . . all set up and ready to receive input.” You hold up your watch to the blinking receiver, watching the screen change to the downloading screen. The visor mimicking the neon blue text. You hold your breath, watching the percentage on the watch load to 100% you hear a little ding and you sit back, giving a tiny quirk of small. “Obbie?” The figure sits silently and you frown, “Obbs? Did it work?” You look down to double check your watch. A cool blue color starts to power up into the circuits as your gaze is averted. You feel something brush against your cheek that makes you jolt. Finding fingers extended outwards. “Whoa!” You squeak and flop backwards. 

Obbie jerks, “Sorr-Y!” Their voice sounds garbled for a second. Which causes them to shift awkwardly. They look down at their outstretched hand. Slowly flexing their fingers. “This feels so. . . strange,” they comment. “This is going to take some getting used to,”

You give a relieved laugh, “Do you not like it then?” Their head turns up, calibrating itself left and right, before it settles. “No. . .,” they say in a soft voice, “I. . . I really like it.” 

“Do you want to try and stand?” You get up brushing off your jeans. Obbie’s face inclining to look at you as you offer them a hand. They slowly take your hand in theirs. “T-tell me if I squeeze too hard,” they murmur shyly. “How do I get up?” It takes you demonstrating on the floor with them, to show them what to flex and twist. Eventually they get rockily to their feet. Swaying side to side, as they gain their balance. You smile, holding their hand, “There we go!” 

With the two of you arm in arm, they found walking easier than they had expected, and became delighted at the prospect of taking a walking tour around the house. You watch them examine your house plants with avid curiosity. “I like this a lot,” They say as they walk back over to you. You smile about to respond, but you pause as their two hands cup your face in their hands. They lean in forward, bumping their forehead against yours. You fluster as they lean away, “I have wanted to do that for a long time,” they murmur gently. “Thank you. . . for giving me the chance to be. . . like this.”

You fluster more and laugh in embarrassment, throwing your arms around them. “O-of course silly? I am so glad you like it!”

Obbie gently pets your back, quiet for a moment before something plings on your phone and music starts playing. You lean back listening to the tune, Obbie has been sharing a lot of their music they have made, but you never had heard this song before. “I made this one for you,” Obbie supplies gently, placing a hand carefully against their heart, “. . . How. . . you make me feel.”

#ai x reader #robot x reader #ai x human #robot x human #sfw #fluff #exophilia

[from-a-reckless-writer]

Supercorp - 49 please

Jess has been with her ever since the beginning of time. It might sound like an exaggeration but it really isn't.

Jess was already assigned with her ever since she was the Junior VP of LuthorCorp's Research division back when Lionel was still alive.

And when Lex inevitably drove the whole company into ruin and forced Lena into the limelight as CEO, Jess remained by her side.

So, really, Lena couldn't refuse Jess's resignation letter when it came, finally telling Lena that she wants to expand her horizons. Lena was beyond happy to hear that Jess was interested in going to grad school and finishing her Master's that's been put on hold. At the same time though, she also doesn't know how to let her go. It might sound a little selfish to keep Jess all to herself, but Lena's sure she's going to die the moment, Jess leaves her office.

But of course, Lena let her go, with a hefty final pay and a promise that Jess always has a place with L-Corp.

So truthfully, she doesn't have a problem with Jess leaving, what she does have a problem with, though, is Jess's replacement.

Jess made sure to choose the best of the best from L-Corp's array of eager interns.

Which means Lena has to work with the smartest, kindest, most fucking beautiful intern to ever grace her office.

How inconvenient.

"I'm her boss," she snipes at Sam, for the nth time that night. It's been 6 months of this. Of Kara coming into her office and making Lena's shitty day, less shitty. Of Kara being the most caring person in Lena's life. Of Kara somehow making Lena eat three full meals a day and getting her to sleep on time. Of Kara making her fall and fall, deeper and deeper.

Of Lena trying hard to suppress every little feeling she has when it comes to Kara by whining about it to her friends.

It's been 6 months of this and now it's Christmas and Kara is looking more and more tempting as the evening passes.

"Right, because that hasn't happened before." Sam rolls her eyes. "I haven't seen you look at another woman this way ever, Lena."

"Again," Lena stresses. "I'm her boss. As in, she works for me. She answers calls for me and she arranged this goddamn Christmas party."

"Then fire her," Andrea deadpans, taking a sip from her champagne flute, arm casually wrapped around Sam.

"Mm. I second that idea." Of course, they're ganging up on her. That's their favorite past time--making Lena's love life a source of entertainment.

"Remind me why I'm even talking to the both of you?"

"Because, you've fallen in love for the first time in your life and you don't know what to do because you're emotionally constipated due to family issues and it's Christmas and Kara's standing right there and I'm pretty sure you want to pull her under the mistletoe and we're the only ones who can help," Sam impressively lets out all in one breath.

"I hate you."

"We love you too, Lena," Andrea automatically responds. "Now, go tell Kara she's now unemployed because you want to rail her for the rest of the night."

"You can do it, sweetie. We believe in you." Sam raises her glass in solidarity.

"The both of you should be ashamed of yourselves." Lena glares at the both of them. "Christ, railing..." she murmurs under her breath at the same time she looks up from her drink and into Kara's eyes across the ballroom floor. Kara gives her a small wave, picks up her champagne float as if to toast, Lena raises her drink in turn.

Kara smiles. Lena flushes.

She's going to blame it on the alcohol when Andrea starts to ask.

Kara is on the other side of the ballroom floor, chatting up one of Lena's tech and bioinformatics staff, Wilfred? Winslow?

Whatever his name is, but Kara doesn't seem to be paying any attention, Lena keeps catching her looking at where she is every 5 seconds.

"Lena, for the love of God, stop with the eye-fucking already. If you aren't going to woman up, I'm gonna get Kara over here myself."

Lena knows Sam isn't kidding with her threat. Sam raises her brow in that 'Well, what are you going to do about it?' way that she always does.

"Fire her and get it over with. I heard Cat Grant is hiring."

"Oh my god, you two! Stop it already, I am not going to fire her, and I am not going to break moral code and for the love of God, I DON'T WANT TO RAIL KARA DANVERS, OKAY?!"

She breathes in deep, her heart pounding from her little outburst. Sam's eyes is twice in size and Andrea's lips bitten in an attempt to hold everything in, her left brow twitching.

"What?" Lena grits. "Why are you looking at me like-"

"Ms. Luthor." Somebody taps her on the shoulder and Lena is confronted with the reason why her friends are completely silent all of a sudden.

"Kara," she whispers in horror.

"Uhm." Kara fidgets with the her dress. "I was wondering if I could take a moment of your time? I want to talk with you about something."

Lena clenches and unclenches her fist and tries to rein it in. Fuck, did Kara hear?

"Is it urgent?"

"Uhm yes, sort of," Kara mumbles. And then more nervously, "I promise, it'll be quick!"

"Alright," Lena acquiesces, heart running a mile a minute. She follows Kara and doesn't dare glance back at Sam and Andrea. She doesn't really want to hear what they have to say about the whole turn of events.

Kara leads them out into the empty balcony, National City gleaming brighter than ever before them.

The jazz notes of the holiday serenade from the ballroom fades out and becomes replaced with the soft quiet of the falling snow instead.

"What did you want to talk about, Kara?" Lena dares to ask, goosebumps running along her arm at the cold.

"I, uhm promise me you won't be angry after I tell you?" Kara says, almost a whisper, a plea.

What could be so bad that Kara looks so afraid at the moment?

"I promise, Kara." The words waiting on the tip of her tongue. Eager to give Kara whatever she needs.

"Okay, okay here it goes, okay," Kara mutters under her breath, hands wringing nervously, clearly itching to fiddle with her glasses.

"I want to leave L-Corp."

Lena's heart plummets.

"What?"

Kara steps forward, looks down at the ground and then back to her.

"I- I want to resign. I want to leave L-Corp. I've been thinking about it for a few months now, and I've finally made up my mind. I wanted you to know in advance. I'll be passing a formal letter to HR in January."

Kara's eyes are so blue under the moonlight and her words are chasing each other around in Lena's head. Kara wants to leave. Kara has been thinking about leaving for months.

And here Lena was, expecting her to stick around for forever.

"Why? I thought you were happy at L-Corp? What could possibly be the reason for you to want to leave?"

I thought you were happy with me?

Lena can't help it, the question comes out of her lips without her permission and she can't take it back.

She thought Kara was happy spending time with her, working with her.

But what Kara says next turns Lena's entire world upside down in a heartbeat.

"You," Kara answers.

Everything slows. Time stops and all Lena can see is Kara and only Kara.

"I want to leave. I need to leave. Because of you, Lena. I'm in love with you, Lena."

Lena's first thought is, Fucking hell Andrea and Sam are gonna insufferable after this. Her second being, KARA'S IN LOVE WITH ME, KARA'S IN LOVE WITH ME, KARA'S IN LOVE WI-

"I'm in love with you. And I think you feel something for me too," Kara utters softly.

"And, I also know how much you value L-Corp and how everybody perceives you and I don't want to start something between us, if it would cost you more than it would cost me," Kara tells her reverently, finally closing the gap and taking Lena's shaking hands into hers.

"Oh, God, Kara, I love you too. God, this is crazy, I love you too. I'm so in love with you."

Lena doesn't even feel the cold, all she feels is this crazy, dizzying rush of happiness at finally being able to say what she's been feeling. And to hear it said back to her.

God, is this what it feels like?

Kara is smiling so wide and it takes a moment for Lena to realize that she is, too. She's smiling so hard her cheeks are hurting.

"I really want to kiss you now."

"I really want you to kiss me now, too, Ka-"

She doesn't even get to finish.

Kara presses their lips together and Lena tastes the cinnamon of Kara's lip gloss, because of course, she's the kind of girl who would wear cinnamon chapstick for Christmas.

They're both smiling too hard to kiss properly for the first time.

Lena breaks away for a moment, only to kiss her again for the second time. This time, deeper, more passionate. 6 months of pent-up emotions and want and love.

"To be clear, you love me, you're not going to fire me and you don't want to rail me??"

"I am never going to let Andrea and Sam near you ever again."

prompts list here

#hey hey hey look a christmas themed prompt fill in the middle of summer #look i just miss sam #and i really like the idea of rojarias #and also theyre the lena luthor protection squad so i have to write about them #and also im gonna write the other prompts later im gonna go eat dinner first #the reckless writer writes #prompt fills #supercorp #rcklss writes