#i just feel like. i cannot form proper connections to people. or people only talk to me to be friendly or bc theh feel bad

[captain-hen]

The whole eddie thing sucks :( i think fandom / newer fans sometime have a fixation on buck and his character simply because the show gives him way more plots and development opportunities relative to eddie. And if new fans are in it because of s6 like what else are they supposed to do when eddie had all of 4 episode with a plot last year, only 2 of which were connected, and likely his most formative moment of the season for many people was as a support character to buck (crazy that eddie talks about the shooting in 612 but the scene boils down to “eddie is buck’s couch” or some variation of that for most people). Kinda curious if others feel this way but sometimes I think this also extends to eddie’s family too which might be my biggest pet peeve. Like buck’s parents dont care about buck then eddie’s parents must not care about him in the same way which is so wrong like eddies parents suck for various reasons but they do care, maybe just not in the way eddie needs/wants. Or even more simple things like abuela loving buck so much and like not having a single interaction with eddie. And idk eddie’s relationship with his family (including shannon) is probably the most interesting part of his character that hasnt been fully explored in canon yet so its just kinda annoying to read a fic where eddie’s parents are only raging homophobics or only care about chris with no regard for eddie. Anyways sorry for the mini rant lol

...i think fandom would have a fixation on buck regardless, because despite s6 being the way it was, we still have four other seasons where eddie actually got proper plot points and arcs.

oh, and i do agree that it extends to eddie's family—eddie's relationships in general, really, because it's always stuff like "buck is a better dad to chris than eddie!" "buck is actually the favorite of eddie's abuela/tia/etc." "the firefam is more of buck's family than eddie's!" "bobby is only a father-in-law figure to eddie and actually only ever hired him for buck's sake."

(and it's ironic because i cannot remember eddie ever having a single conversation about buck with all of the characters mentioned. lol. it's almost like he's his own person, having relationships that have absolutely nothing to do with buck. shocking, i know.)

and, yeah, the stuff with shannon gets bad, because you have the people who are obsessed with the idea of eddie never actually loving her, so that buck can be his 'first real love' or whatever. these are the same blogs who get upset when eddie speaks positively about his relationship with shannon. it's so, so dumb. and there's absolutely no nuance to be explored with eddie's parents, yeah. it's just 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

#neethu answers #anon #negativity #fandom discourse

[goginaporter]

gina is not ricky’s second, or even third, choice. she is his first.

I have seen a lot of comments, especially as this season has unfolded, that gina isn’t ricky’s first choice, or that he would choose nini over gina given the chance, etc. this isn’t true. the show establishes through many scenes and moments in each season that those statements are false. when we first see ricky and gina connect, it’s as “outsiders” who get each other, as ricky says. I might have to make a separate meta on the relevance of how ricky describes each of them and what it means for their characterization, but I digress. they are able to connect over this shared status. it is important to note that ricky also decided to stop pursuing nini + respect her boundaries at the end of 104/in 105. this does not mean he was seeking to replace nini’s presence in his life, just that rekindling a romantic relationship with her was not in the cards for him anymore at that point in the season. anyways, ricky and gina become close and quickly form a tight bond. many people claim that gina served as a rebound for ricky in these episodes but the show makes very clear what rebounds look like for ricky. he says in 101 that “he talked about nini the whole time” when he was hanging out with various girls that summer. throughout the course of rina’s s1 friendship, nini is not brought up at all until the finale and it’s all but guaranteed gina is never coming back, but we’ll get into that. a complaint nini brings up in the breakup scene in 2.08 is that she feels like she is nini of “ricky & nini” rather than being her own person. I think that the ricky we saw in s1 with gina was ricky as his own person, as opposed to ricky of “ricky & nini” and he displayed significant growth during this time. 

gina’s leaving in 1.07 plays an important role in the idea of choice. after hanging up with her mom, she walks into ashlyn’s kitchen to gather her things, where ricky is waiting for her. he tells her “I’ll call you?” not willing to let her go. however, gina knows ricky struggles with people leaving him + she knows the pain of being left. because of her care for him, she does not want him to feel this pain. she tells him, “honestly, you heard what happened. I don’t think there’s any point in calling me anymore, do you?” and leaves. ricky is obviously not satisfied with this answer and rushes after her, leaving the party. before he leaves, he runs into nini, who tries to reach out and connect with him, which would’ve been everything to 1a ricky. however, he brushes her off and presumably runs after gina. I would argue that this is one of the only moments where a choice between nini and gina is presented to ricky and he chooses gina. obviously, there is a lot more nuance at play than that, but it is an interesting moment nonetheless. anyways, this entire encounter is the first moment that gina removes herself as an option. she does not want ricky to miss her or struggle to let her go. 

this doesn’t stop ricky, and in the next episode, we see him frantically texting gina even as they stand in their burned down theater. he is worried about her and wants to continue contact, even in the face of the possibility (guarantee at that point) that they would never see each other again. yet again, gina not responding to his messages is another boundary she sets up to make the loss of their friendship easier on ricky. in her mind, it hurts less for him for her to cut him off than for them to try to hold on to a long distance friendship. she does respond to his messages later on in the episode, which I personally think is tied to ej getting her the plane ticket and her seeing this as a chance to give ricky a proper goodbye. however, at this point, it has been well established that gina a) does not want ricky to worry over her, even if it hurts both of them, him in the short term (she thinks) and her in the long term and b) is not coming back. this is the crux of this argument. ricky cannot make a choice between someone who does not want to be chosen to save them from hurt + presumably cannot be there physically. at this point, there is no choice between gina and nini because gina has removed herself as an option. 

gina returns to east high on opening night and the first time that ricky sees her is on stage. he is awestruck and rushes backstage to get the opportunity to talk to her. when they see each other, it’s a combination of nerves and awkwardness and relief. the first thing he says is “still can’t believe you’re actually back,” to which gina replies, “one night only. don’t blink, you’ll miss me.” this again establishes the fleeting nature of her return. in one of the only uses of a confessional in this episode, the camera cuts to ricky, where he says that it’s tough seeing gina again. in a short time, she became one of his closest friends (and something more that they never addressed). in fact, he says it feels like she “never left.” he says a lot more, but ends with saying something is different. this scene serves two purposes: showing the impact that gina has had on ricky’s life and showing that he’s regressed into  “who he always was,” a ricky where the only option is nini, and gina’s leaving is the catalyst for that. I can talk a lot more about the implications of this scene and the other talk that they have in the s1 finale but I want to talk about the flashback that we see in 2.06.

by the end of the night, ricky has confessed his love for nini. unbidden by the need to choose, he leans into what feels safe and comfortable and accomplishes in what he set out to do at the beginning of the season. interestingly enough, this moment is directly juxtaposed by gina entering the room just seconds after nini leaves to say her goodbyes to ricky. I think the most important line in the scene is when gina says,  “I wouldn't quit on us if I wasn't moving away. so now, I’m gonna give you a really tight hug and then I’m gonna walk away with my head held high.” tears are in both of their eyes (and mine) as they hug and the scene ends. I think the wording here is so important. gina cares about ricky and wants to let him know that her walking out of his life is not by choice. again, lack of choice in this situation! it’s also interesting to note that the scene ends with the hug, not with gina leaving. 

this is getting scarily long so I just want to add one thing from s3. ricky tells jet, after helping gina set up a promposal for ej, that he can’t believe he let Color War slip through his fingers (obviously meaning gina). ricky regrets not being able to choose gina in the past, and every action he’s done in this season has been him putting gina first, choosing her first in everything. he’s been robbed of this choice in the past and refuses to let that happen again.

#ricky bowen #gina porter #ricky x gina #rina #hsmtmts #rina hsmtmts #gina x ricky #gina porter x ricky bowen #ricky bowen is in love with gina porter #i don't know what's scarier #the length of this #or the fact that I didn't say everything i needed to say #ricky has been so selfless this season #and this is driven by his love for gina #which is also selfless #he never wants to make her feel like she isn't a priority #he loves her so much #okay done with tags #rina endgame

[offshore-brinicle]

That was one hell of a part 2 good lordy. I have SO many thoughts but I cannot put all into words for now, here's some though.

Dante is being real quiet [sus especially after how much they talked in canto 5, plus how they seemed seemed realise that they need to actually take part in helping the sinners proper] and they are [seemingly] the only sinner one could connect to Carmen [literally all of the chirstian symbolism, the way the static on her appearances was similar to the static Dante has seen on AFD and their overheating, the fact she seemed to speak through them at that point]. I am probably just reading into things but after the whiplash of how much they usually talk - internally and externally - I am very much getting a sinking feeling something's wrong.

Basements are evil. Hong Lu is rich enough to have a basement in his houses. He will probably have an evil basement. I would bet money on this, especially if its a sort of 'other world' as alluded to in his book (that I have not read. It does mention a Land of Illusion if i recall, however, so possibly a door to that). Bonus points if it ends up being upside down or smth.

Would the 'chaotic' part of the golden bough ( of 'em at least) have any sorta relation to why we Heath's E.G.O seemed unstable? I know most of the other distortions/E.G.O awakenings happened near boughs - which connects to the theory that they are directly related to Carmen and thus allow her to talk to people more easily like with the monolith - either Dante's fragment or a full one, but the specific mention of a chaotic one could mean it's responsible for Bodysack seeming to have corroded, as one can see the warning labels typical of a corroding E.G.O.

Given Faust's change in behaviour - namely stuttering for what I believe to be the first time - regarding the conversations around the 'creation of humans' I do believe this was how she was made. Yi Sang did say he made the tech used within the pods in that very basement, and the fact that he was the first recruit could mean that the Faust who approached him is not the same Faust on the bus. The idea of her being a metric fucktonna ID's layered on top of each other firstly explains the Council of Fausts theory, wherein she is able to talk to other versions of herself, in this case because that's what she is, as well as what Dante says about her looking somewhere else before answering. Mirrors alter perception, so her looking at a different Faust for answers could explain that as well. Work's too with her base E.G.O, wherein three shadows seem to point out an answer on her wall of notes. She has all the knowledge, she just needs her other selves to point it out when needed - thus her evasive attitude when it comes to answers, she needs time to get it pointed out.

On that note, do you think her attitude in Selva Obscura is a reflection of og!Faust, but she drops the act later on once Dante has fully forgotten their past? She doesn't really get that jokey after that.

Like how the middle seemed to be the antithesis of Ishmael in C5 part 2, the ring seems to be Heath's. The middle represented how Ishy as a person was mostly incompatibility with 'the bit', in the form of a situation that is remarkably silly on paper but ended up in near total annihilation of the group. The ring may represent how some may look for deeper meanings in all things from arts to people, which clashes wickedly against Heathcliff's more straightforward approach when it comes to handling situations. The dredges of the ring are those parts of him that overthink and he solves the problem as simply as he's been solving many others.

Cathy in a Coffin reminds me of when Carmen was content enough to haunt the narrative from her Bucket. Nothing else to say here except for the fact it's funny.

But back to Carmen, and more particularly 'fate' regarding distortions. The theme of denying of what 'should've happened' is a decently big theme of limbus - from the rewinding death to even subverting what happens from any literary source material - so if they end up going 'Carmen no Carming' to her later on, defying someone who seems to be as much of a god-like entity as the Head in some ways, I would not be surprised if we either get a visit from Iori, one of Demian's lot or another Lo9 member - x or current. Additionally, defying fate may just be what brings back Heathcliff from the edge, keeping Cathy alive in this mirror world but presumably in a weird weirdass way. My guess is that she distorts and gets nabbed by LCD - but I also just wanna see Moses so.

Also hey what happened to the seven strikes of lightning. Are they gonna be in Heath's distortion dungeon or something? No clue.

And I think that's it. Gonna stare at a wall for a while now methinks

OK SO FIRST UP THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS HERE SO I'LL TRY TO ANSWER TO THESE CONCISELY

Now that you mentioned it, it was always very strange how Faust is Number 2 despite being there first and her mugshot having already been in uniform, so now that you mention her different attitude in the Prologue I honestly see a lot to what you are bringing up here. It was always a personal theory of mine that Faust's real "Mephistopheles" was Sang Yi or Yi Sang somehow, since Sang Yi still to seems to be a rather...odd entity that doesn't correspond to any particular mirror world and is implied by Yi Sang to have some degree of omniscience (and there's also that marked part in the dungeon where he "mysteriously dissapeared" for some time with no explanation), so she might have gotten Yi Sang to do the procedure that would give her this infinite knowledge, specially since even Yi Sang himself emphasizes on her having been "gifted" with omniscience, I Highly doubt he's being figurative here, even more with her EGO's background being the shadows of multiple people.

In regards to Dante not speaking I think it's simply because of the difference in situation, unlike Ishmael who was very clearly out of control due to her own mindset, Heathcliff is being driven over the edge by circumstance -- and some quite insane circumstances at that, so it might be why they could not intervene, but hopefully they'll step up when we get to the next part, specially since we'll be dealing with Distorted Heathcliff....and also, it's very interesting that we actually got Heathcliff's POV on how it felt to Distort. It might be Dante's connection to Carmen and The Sinners aligning at once.

And also, Catherine is def a Carmen expy (I actually did my own analysis some time ago in similarities Kromer, Ahab and Dongbaek had with Carmen too but this one is the most. Insanely explicit similarity) and the fact that she speaks to "Welcome Heathcliff home" at the very end in her own voice alongside Carmen...I can't help but feel she might have been planning to get Heathcliff to Distort all along as part of her personal plan that they can be together happy in Hell. The Overclocking symptoms seem to have been an indicator of Heathcliff approaching Distortion, I really like how...drastically different it feels from the awakened Crow's Eye View and Snagharpoon, and just in general how they completely threw the formula that had been built up until now out of the window (heh)

Either way, thanks for shooting me a message! It's always fun to get to hear other people's observations and theories and share my own two cents along the way

Edit: I forgor but frankly if Hong Lu has yet another Creepy Rich Person basement I think I'll bash my head against the wall. The real moral of Limbus is that basements are bad and evil. Sorry there are just So many good observations here and I'm a bit scatterbrained at times shfhh

In regards to the "fate" thing, I feel like that will be a big part of dealing with Heathcliff next part, Limbus Company as a game and story is built on the reimaginings or "what ifs" or classics, and we've seen it with Yi Sang that his ending was changed in the end; the original Yi Sang died and the protagonist of The Wings commits suicide, but he rejected all of that, while Ishmael was on her path to repeat the cycle of the story of Moby Dick but thanks to Dante and Heathcliff she rejected that as well. And the title of "Clear All Cathy" really establishes from the first moment the goal this time. We'll have to wait another week to see how it rolls.

#answers #project moon #limbus company #lcb Yi Sang #lcb Faust #lcb Dante #lcb Heathcliff #lcb Carmen #Carmen ProjMoon #Canto VI spoilers

[katyspersonal]

ALRIGHT LET’S TALK ABOUT BLUBBORNE!!

Here are a list of things to choose from <3

Chat about Logarius or Alfred!!

Ideas for Bloodborne 2 👀

What do you think about Hemwick being connected to Cainhurst?

Talk about Gilbert!! I never get to see you chat about him! Lil guy!

Ideas on Arianna’s backstory!

Ideas on Adella’s backstory!

What would a Discord with the original Byrgenwerth scholar gang look like?? xD

—

Choose one or all! It’s up to you!! <3

Oh my GOSH fjdhfds Good to know you all headed my warning to never give me a choice because I answer EVERYTHING, huh -_- xD But in all seriousness though, these topics just happen to be those I do not have 20 pages essay ready for, so my answers will be short(ish) and I think I can discuss all this stuff in compact manner!

Chat about Logarius or Alfred!!

Well, they're complicated characters for me. You know I am physically unable to 'hate' a fictional character because no matter what they did, they aren't real and can't hurt me and if all else fails they exist to make the story better. But because of some events and reflection on life and society, these two in particular put a pit in my stomach on the notion of being trademark catholic-coded purists. There are so many things that can be speculated about complexity of Laurence's or Adrich's situations, but these guys feel pretty plain for me? The black-white thinking bastards that got so tempted with the idea of abolishing all evil that it made them ruthless, blind to nuances and purist that can't see how they become the REAL evil in the end.

I think Logarius/Rogeriusz is fairly underrated though and it cannot be blamed on him being unlikeable from moral standpoint, because we've all seen how popular Alfred is despite graphically killing a defenceless woman! But Logarius has a lot to like as a villain - he is noticeably tall and menacing, he was a powerful leader figure in Healing Church like Ludwig, he has a lot of mystery to his character as to why he uses Pthumerian magic and shares theme with Queen Yharnam (and as follows, why would he turn against a kindred clan/bloodline?), and what he discovered that made him gatekeep it? Besides, there is a translation mistake calling an item 'Skull of a Saint' something else - 'Sage's Hair', and when I discovered the proper description ( x ), I realised there is a big implication that following Healing Church's saints were wearing crowns after his raid on Cainhurst - both to honor him and to boast about having thrown the local monarchy!

This is just very odd that Logarius was a pioneer of the delusion about exterminating 'impurity', and managed to hit da briks before he became hated and showed true nature of his pursuit - unlike poor Ludwig that presumably had better intentions and less freedom to see through WHAT was guiding him, yet fought long enough to become accursed by everyone. It is UNFAIR. But Logarius is such an important element in the system, as a trend-setter rather than people brainwashed into following Church's agenda! Willem is never addressed for messing with unknown too, Logarius is never addressed for being ideal inspirer of hate and murder... Guess the REAL martyr here is Laurence every time! xD

Alfred is also a hard one for me, as for someone from the country that actively fabricates history facts, encourages distrust to outer information and ignorance, and just straight up lies with agenda. Like, sure, I am familiar with how easy average person can fall for a narrative - and how easy it is to discourage any skepticism and critical thinking before it formed. If anything, I pity him.

But I've grown to feel even more tense about this character when I reflected on the fact that he is SO eager to exterminate the 'enemy' that he goes after ones who can't even CAUSE any harm (he wants to kill Annalise who is absolutely defeated and defenceless, and he is the only summon in Old Yharnam where beasts that won't go outside live). There is a difference between trying to protect people from the possible threats (since whether vilebloods DO have cursed magic effect is up to interpretation) and "cleansing" the world from anyone affiliated Just Because. I've been doing Adella dirty for a long time calling her 'female Alfred' and I had since took it back because she at least gives Arianna a 'chance' as long as she doesn't share her blood that Adella's religion forbids. Not even one - she did the "three strikes and you're out"! Alfred is ruthless tho, in a very uncomfortable way, but it took me some unpleasant experiences to SEE truth about him. I think that no matter how far up you are in a religion, but whether you have a braincell to extend minimal reasoning about WHY you are fighting the 'bad guys' is on the individual and not on the source of this brainwashing, and Alfred fails this test.

That being said, he is still an interesting character, and I really love his unique appearance! His nose is a whole BEAK xD /pos I also headcanon that Alfred never met Logarius in person and his bond with him is parasocial, based on admiring the great person of the past upon feeling like he 'knows' him! The same applies for my versions of Amelia/Emilia and Laurence!

The rest of the topics are going under cut!

Ideas for Bloodborne 2 👀

Honestly, I think the best one I've seen executing the concept was HollarityArt in their contribution for Vaati's Bloodborne 2 concepts contest! Here is the link on Twit with their concepts: ( x ).

I have very little ideas on this but I agree that part 2 would be the best placed in sea/ocean setting! But the MOST tricky thing about the sequel would be that one of the potential Bloodborne endings is our Hunter becoming the new Great One that governs the cycle, instead of Flora. And another one is them replacing Gehrman. So the sequel must deal with addressing how no matter WHICH ending player had in Bloodborne, it didn't matter! Basically, something should happen with Hunter's Dream or the current Moon Presence that would leave any ending still palatable. So, addressing the current 'queen' Great One would result in the cycle still ongoing (aka our Hunter as Great One inflicting the same cycle, so it is not possible to pin whether Flora is still active or Hunter is). And, sure, for some reason, the Hunter's Dream is broken, just so we could not see our Hunter from previous game. This is extremely depressing, but feels in the spirit of From's games.

What From would need to do with Bloodborne 2 is to add information that doesn't quite confirm or deny exist fan theories, but instead adds more to WORK with! And creates MORE questions. So, reveal extra details about what we see in Bloodborne, but in a way that didn't answer the question. As in 'yeah there was a Great One counterpart for Flora', 'yeah there was someone in Isz that did birth Ebrietas as little celestial larvae many centuries ago, here is her statue and nothing else', 'yeah look at the ruins of the waking world version of Fishing Hamlet' etc. Some characters I think should reappear but in a way that feels expected while also not REALLY telling us anything new. So, Queen Yharnam not in the wedding dress, Gehrman functioning like his hunter self (like I said, Hunter's Dream should get broken), Maria having her recollected memory from when she was a caretaker of Research Hall, Adeline in a Kin form somewhere in a secret nook of Sea location (presume she ascended with or without Paleblood Hunter).

I like the idea that Yharnam in the sequel is a ghost town that has no messenger lamps or huntsmen, only rare NPCs and enemies who are largely people and/or Kin of the type we haven't seen before. Yharnam would have a bigger layout that makes much more sense geographically, some buildings and areas would look notably different if not more civilised. So that'd return the question whether Yharnam we play in even WAS real or this sequel Yharnam simply the same but changed from the last time, so people can argue whether this Yharnam is "real" and not "dreamed" one or developers simply improved their mapping and designing skills xD Maria would be able to travel there with us by waking up in the body of the Doll that still stayed in Old Workshop, and many people in Yharnam would act hostile towards both her and the player; later in the plot turns out that Hunter's Dream breaking was the result of external powers, and roaming people and unfamiliar Kin work together and target to remove the traces of influence from Stars and Moon! They'd be more alien Kin that urged to help with grasp of Flora and Fauna had on the Earth and its mortals, but in reality more or less want to establish their order. But protesting them would restart the cycle of vices of humanity, so... yeah, again, the game would be depressing and point out how there is no choice, only diverse ways to suck.

I also think the next game should extend beyond Yharnam, and using a ship to travel between locations would be a cool idea! Maybe getting to visit Valtr's home, or whatever Loran is now. @val-of-the-north had an idea that there is a legit country known as New Loran, but it would reveal more about history and heritage than just a bunch of electric beasts and sand. If I try to describe more concepts I might get really sucked into this swamp, so I'll leave it be here, but meeting relatives of some characters we've known would be great too! I always have this image in my head about Valtr's niece that heard he chased some monster and never came back, so we meet her when she is an adult that wanted to investigate on the mystery of her uncle. Also learning more about the fuckery Micolash and Laurence did do in the past through item descriptions; again, in a way that actually doesn't disrupt anything, more like 'well we already knew they had to commit a lot of crimes, we just now know the details'. The war criminals are still here in spirit! xD

What do you think about Hemwick being connected to Cainhurst?

Well, I said that sometime before, but I do think that both Cainhurst nobles and Hemwick are mixed human+pthumerian (and sometimes just human) descendants that preserved a lot of practices from ancient Pthumerian civilisations... and matriarchal traditions, too. They have different practices, as Vilebloods use blood magic and consume blood for power, whereas Witches use magical binding rituals, necromancy and disturbing tools as well. Ironic that they had 'Blood vs Eyes' conflict of Blood vs Arcane Healing Church factions before it was cool, don't you think?

Yharnam used to be monarchy but so many foreigners and neighbouring cities rubbed in on the area, that they became practically equal with higher class Yharnam citizens, and had to count people like Willem as equal. Maybe if Healing Church didn't form so swiftly, Yharnam would never have a mayor. But yeah, basically, Witches were something of peasants in relation to Cainhurst nobles. But they cooperated enough, and Witches would often offer medical help to the nobles who entered trouble with the curse living within their blood, or struggled to control pyromancy upon first periods. Witches maybe lived in poverty and dirt without much convenience, down to having to pay taxes TO Cainhurst, but they have unspoken knowledge within themselves that they are, in fact, superior to the nobles, as they have better grasp on the arcane secrets and are waaaaay less helpless before supernatural. I believe Iosefka and Fauxsefka are from Cainhurst, and Witches were how Iosefka studied ways to purify the blood from Frenzy + Beasthood inducing effects. Why that practice never picked up? Because we live in a society, indeed.

Talk about Gilbert!! I never get to see you chat about him! Lil guy!

Ahhhh right! I just didn't have much reason I guess? I do have a face design for him, that features some facial skewing like many Yharnamites have!

Like his beasthood form suggests, he was afflicted with Ashen Blood, which I believe was not a planned action but an honest mistake by using the blood of a poisoned beast (Blood-Starved Beast crucified in Old Yharnam). However, back in the day where Yharnam was not quarantined away from the rest of the world (to the point you are not supposed to SURVIVE being there if you never had holy blood transfusion), there were plenty of people picking stuff up and illegally selling it abroad. @val-of-the-north has an idea that Valtr and his friends caught one of such groups, just when one of them transformed into a beast upon getting too much of his own "medicine" and I stealeded it xD

But Gilbert I think was a victim of one of such things, contracting Ashen Blood by consuming a poisoned "medicine". He never was able to connect the dots between getting worse after it as someone who already had his own illnesses. The more I learn about Victorian era, the more I realise how shockingly ignorant they were about medicine. I mean, they were having mercury pills for god knows how long! So, yeah, he saught Yharnam, and naturally had his strange sympthomes sustained by consuming the blood as someone who got beasthood 'activated'.

I like to think that he used to be a hatter, and it WAS what made him sick initially; they were number 1 victims for mercury poisoning, because of the materials used in their craft. However, it were not just hats that he could do well, and after arriving in Yharnam, he gladly worked to produce more clothes, sewing mostly Yharnam Hunter garbs obsessively! And is one of the rarest people who met Ludwig in person and is still around AND sane! Hence how he had his Flamethrower - the Healing Church shared one with him to help him to self-defend. But, he was out of use and got too sick before he got to kill even one. Being bedridden, he used to read books a lot, until his eyesight got afflicted too (apparently beasthood attacks the eyes the most), so he mostly entertains himself with fantasies and reciting memories.

Ideas on Arianna’s backstory!

Heh, like I said already, I love the idea that her mother ran with her from Cainhurst when Arianna was still a baby, so she never GOT to know the noble life. But, she did inherit her mother's noble dress, and vague idea about their blood being special enough to offer to the hunters. I entertain the idea that Alfred was Arianna's brother but had to be abandoned since he was older and their mother could only care for one child in the hard situation, but it is up in the air.

In either case, Arianna's mother died soon(ish), most likely from violent death. But instead of some Church fanatic killing her in "righteous" wrath, it was that her mother went insane unable to consume queen's blood or find any management for it, so she, like... had Vileblood version of becoming blood-drunk and was shot before she transformed into a bloodlicker completely. When she was about to turn on her own daughter to drink her blood dry, no less! The hunter that saved Arianna was Henryk, who picked every other orphaned child under his protection because he was aware Choir takes orphans and they are never seen again. I swear, at least once Choir had to confront him about whether his children are all 'really' his, and Valtr had to wear a dress and pretend to be their biological bother dsjfhdsfdsh

But for the most part he was not able to properly care for his adopted babies; Viola was exceptional case that stayed close enough. Most of the orphans under his protection were wandering around looking for their purpose, and Arianna was like this. She clinged to Crow of Cainhurst, trusting him as the only remaining hook with her Cainhurst past, but he did not feel qualified or interested enough to play a dad for her - something he regretted upon meeting Arianna again years later and seeing WHAT she has to do to survive.

I also think that Arianna reacting on female Hunter differently is not a homophobia (?) internalised in Yharnam, but remains of her mom teaching her that women are "superior"; she speaks from the standpoint that she doesn't pity men all that much, but would dread to 'dirty' a woman with something as questionable as a loveless sex. It is not something beyond her that men will be like animals, but she feels inferior compared to other women, and it really gets to her.

Ideas on Adella’s backstory!

Likewise an orphaned person. When she reached puberty, she was this 👌 close to attempting to sell her body, like Arianna, before she managed to get herself a place in the Healing Church. It happened on the rift when Choir fell from uhhh... "grace"?, as well as the daughter of the current Vicar, Norbert/Herbert, turned into a celestial kin together with the children she was overseeing there. As result, he was compensating by picking up every other child/teenager and raising them within the Healing Church's walls like an actually good dad figure. He saw how Adella was doing and basically dragged her in (punching the old bastard that did want to use her on the way).

The decision to become a Blood Saint and not just part of the staff was her own, though; she bought the narrative about hunters being brave and protecting people while it was choking out its dying breaths but still existing. So, she wanted to help people.

Localisation slightly messed this up, by making it sound as though Adella has severe insecurities regarding the quality of her blood, but that's not quite the case:

Whereas the religious 'we all must admit we are sinful by nature and should bash ourselves all of our lives' vibe might apply, within the original context it seems to be that she is insecure about having to do it in 'battlefield' conditions rather than in the setting of great religious reverence it SHOULD be. Like, all she does is extracts her own blood in a vial. She only talks with us in Yahar'gul if we convince her we are Healing Church staff too; so, she still thinks we ARE one of their hunters. It seems like internal Healing Church rules about 'proper' blood sharing are what makes her feel "vulgar", not her blood overall.

Adella mentions a friend she could possibly turn to during the night of the hunt if we refuse to tell her of the safe place, and I made it be a person you pick black church garb from in the alley where Arianna is. It is a shrodinger character, of course, because it is a gendered set, but I default all sets to 'male' because default Paleblood Hunter is some guy with grey hair and I love using this as "official" option! The window NPCs in this area mention "thanking" the Church in a rather passive-aggressive and fake manner, that makes me feel like the guy was killed here out of spite. I think he is Adella's EX that she still keeps clinging to, and... well, he was in this area because he wanted to help Arianna by telling her of a safe place, as he had a bad feeling about this night. Again, irony.

What would a Discord with the original Byrgenwerth scholar gang look like?? xD

Pfffft you mean if they made a small group Discord server for familiar people only? Laurence would be a moderator, that nobody asked for, because it is a small (mostly) closed Discord group and not an official server... But he'd insist on bringing some discipline and civility anyway.

Server would have expected standard channels for drawings, research notes, general chat, jokes/memes, debates, Rom's (daily) pictures of the bugs and spiders, vent and announcements... Except, they would have to create more and more debate channels all the time, because every time it'd be either Caryll and Laurence, or Micolash and Julie cluttering the debate channel so much and refusing to stop. xD Like, they'd have to spawn new debate channels just so other people could have a talk too sdfhhdfds

Damian would share health / self-care advices regularly, like "don't forget to hydrate!" or "10 advices to avoid studying burn out!" and tell others to stay safe and not overwork. Unfortunately, nobody follows his advices. He also always answers everyone in vent channel.

Rom tends to overwhelm any channel when she is online by spamming whatever she is thinking about, but nobody tries to stop her because she tends to accidentally drop something useful, like a solution to the homework, or a significant breakthrough. They have a locked channel accessible for everyone except for Rom and Yurie/Julie, where they discuss Rom's ramblings as they happen and decide what to take from her without credit :(

Micolash sometimes has mad ramblings, similar to Rom but HIS are unhinged and genuinely creepy and disturbing. They have a locked channel accessible for everyone except for Micolash, Damian and Rom, where they laugh at his wording or mock how weird he is :(

Patches is only active in the server to promote the shit he's selling or questionable links, but if anyone gets scammed and calls him out on the server, he gaslights them that he did them all a favour and showed with a concrete example how important it is to know basics of the internet safety xD And might accept their apology for getting mad at him, if he's feeling nice fhshfdhsfds

Thank you for asking! It was a trip dshfhds

#bloodborne #ask replies #bloodborne headcanons #multi character post #i don't even know what else to say ahahahah #you probably know the root of what really made me feel uneasy about alfred so #yet again the point proven that the more bad experiences you had the better you can understand bloodborne lore #but yeah logarius is always ignored like willem #let laurence share guilt with willem and logarius you cowards!!!!! #damn i got some insight about adella during answering it though.... good for her #points of interest about adella when??? #fun fact: tho i described the sequel as barebones i actually base it off the impression i had in a dream once #also in that dream maria had somewhat of a grudge towards gehrman #like he was stalking her from around the corner anime yandere style and i was like hey who is following you #and she was like 'probably nobody important' #the same dream where rom was pregnant from SIMON for SOME fucking reason #but i would never recommend the sequel to face reveal previously mysterious characters so yeah.... #ironic that my brain paired protector of the secrets and seeker of the secrets ahahaha

[i-am-megalodonna]

Collector's Curse AU

I heard some interest so here it is folks, the Collector's Curse au textpost, copypasted fresh from my google doc. Well, part of it. Approximately two pages, to be exact. This is what I consider the main, need-to-know stuff before I get into anything else. Enjoy.

(Sidenote: As I say on the first point, not everything is figured out yet. When I do fill those plot holes I might make other posts, or I might just edit this one. Haven't decided yet. We'll see what happens.)

The beginning and the end cannot be fully developed just because there’s still so much we don’t know.  Until we know that stuff, there’s gonna be some blank spots.  After rewatching Eclipse Lake, however, we do know that the Collector likely isn’t involved with the portal, as we see Belos trying and failing to make a portal key and power the portal by other means.  Things he wouldn’t be doing if the spell or the Collector were planned to power it.  So the spell (and the Collector with it) and the portal are two different plots.  So that opens up the possibility of Belos throwing the Collector overboard the second he’s got everything figured out with the spell.  However, I could still be getting it wrong.  Like I said, nothing is confirmed so nothing can be finalized yet.  Just considered.

So while we wait on all that, let’s get right into the meat (aka the stuff that can be more finalized because it relies very little on the canon story).

The au is called the Collector’s Curse AU because the Collector, however Luz finds him, functions a lot like Eda’s curse.  Rather than possessing Luz as he would’ve preferred, he’s trapped in Luz’s mind.

In order to keep this au intact and keep the Collector from just taking full control and going on a rampage (be that in the form of some Classic CollectorLuz ChaosTM or barging right on into the Emperor’s throne room and killing him with their bare hands), the Collector needs to be nerfed, hardcore.  Which is how we get to the situation at hand.  As it turns out, Luz is not an ideal host, and these are not ideal conditions.  Shocker.  The Collector is an immensely powerful being, and is wholly incompatible with Luz’s body.  Especially without the rituals and preparations that would usually go into a proper possession.  Simply put, it’s like trying to run Resident Evil 5 on an Altair computer.  The software doesn’t exactly fit the hardware.

Point being, they need to be careful.

The two can talk in Luz’s head and the Collector can take form outside of it, but only Luz can see or hear him. They're basically a ghost, except now the pool of people they can interact with is even smaller than before.  With immense effort they can make their powers tangible, but they can only do so in short bursts and it’s incredibly taxing for both parties.  It also runs the risk of causing Luz physical harm, and harm to her is harm to him.  Either way, Luz is knocked out and the Collector goes completely silent, sometimes for several days.  After getting used to his voice, Luz can’t help but find it unnerving whenever that happens.

Because the situation functions similar to Eda’s curse, the elixirs actually help.  “Help” being a pretty loose term.  They taste terrible and Luz always feels sick after drinking them, but they shut the Collector up right quick, which he finds very unpleasant.  It only took a few elixirs to convince him to not be too insufferable.

The two are connected by a string, each end tied around one of their wrists. The string both symbolically represents their connection, and literally acts as a leash preventing the Collector from leaving a certain radius around Luz. The string is not affected by walls or other objects, and extends about three Luz's in length before pulling taut.

As cruel and chaotic as the Collector usually is, they have pretty good motivations for going along with this whole… thing.  First of all, survival.  If destroying the disc didn’t set him free, destroying this human he’s stuck in probably wouldn’t help either.  That and it would hurt.  He hasn’t felt pain in a long time, and he’s reminded quite quickly just how much it sucks.  So it stands to reason that if Luz dies, they die with her, and like most living things are, they’re very adverse to dying.  Secondly, while this situation is far from ideal, it does have potential.  Even if they were freed, it would likely be into the same shadow ghost form they were in before.  They haven’t had anything remotely close to a physical body in forever; now they at least have some influence over one.  It’s technically an improvement.  For the time being, he needs someone to be his hands.  He can make this work.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention (though you probably inferred it from the first bullet point), the Collector wants Belos dead.  Belos and them used to be buddies, you see, before that jerk went and sealed them away after they’d “fulfilled their purpose” or whatever.  So hey look at that we have a common enemy don’t exorcise me or whatever please.

The Collector has no power over Luz, so he needs to make appeals to her to get her to not tell everyone, because if she did they’d probably try to expel him in some way.  He doesn’t know how, but he’s not into taking those kinds of risks.  So he keeps everything nice and vague to make it as palatable as possible to his unwilling host, and offers her **insider info** about Belos, the goings on inside the castle, the Day of Unity, etc.  How much that changes the game depends on where in the timeline it happens.

Surprisingly, this works, although it helps that Luz is just a good person who believes that the Collector is just some random spirit or demon that’s now stuck with her.  This sucks for them just as much as it does for her, she tells herself, there’s no need to make it harder than it needs to be.

The problem with the information is that Luz has no way of knowing if what her brain roommate says is true, so the responsibility still falls on Luz to find that out.  A lot of the stuff she does to prove Belos is evil still happens, just with different context.

Bonus points if Luz refuses to believe some of it and tries to prove him wrong, only to do the exact opposite.  Emotional damage.

Bonus bonus points if when they go into the Emperor’s mind they see the Collector being cruel and sadistic and learn just how much he helped with Belos’ whole thing.  Emotional damage.

As stated above, the Collector kept his dealings with Belos very vague.  They told her about the draining spell, but conveniently left out that they were the one who told him how to do it.  Whoops.

I should say now that part of this au is a pseudo redemption arc because I’m a sucker for powerful beings being redeemed by learning how to see the beauty in small things they never bothered to look at or experience before.  I watched Peridot’s redemption arc and it changed my DNA.  Anyway, the Collector certainly isn’t making an effort to redeem himself to anyone in particular, Luz doesn’t know who they are, but there is a noticeable change in attitude overtime.  By the time Luz learns of their true nature they’ve become genuinely quite attached to the human, against all better judgment, so it’s really not a good look.

Okay that's all for now. Posts relating to this au in the future will definitely be shorter because it'll either be me exploring how certain events would play out or spouting random fun facts. See you then. :))

#collector's curse au #toh #the owl house #luz noceda #the collector #the collector toh #toh collector #toh luz #toh au #the owl house au #megalodonwrites

[numericalassassin]

(Its occurred to me that, seeing as I'm branching out from Borderlands verse into others lately, I should probably just go ahead and fully define the important bits about what Zer0 is and what exactly they can do. This really mostly pertains to their psychic ability, which was mostly irrelevant for Borderlands characters to know off the bat but might actually come up right out of the gate for others.

I'm posting this for everyone to see because I'm proud of my little noodle alien and because it may come up if my Zer0 knows and trusts your character.

Normally this will be most relevant for characters with psychic/mind reading/telepathic type abilities. If you have questions I don't answer here, please feel free to come message me for clarification.

So! Zer0 is a natural psychic, namely they're a empath. Rather then a telepath communicating in words Zer0's kind communicate through projected images, emotions, and ideas. They cannot naturally speak words though they do make a variety of other noises that aid in emphasis or express simple ideas.

Humans cannot 'hear' them naturally. Given that the vast majority of humans have no psychic abilities what so ever, Zer0 is essentially a mute to them. Likewise, Zer0 cannot 'hear' humans in a way that means much to them. As far as they're concerned, humans are both deaf and mute to their proper form of communication.

All of Zer0's spoken communication in "quotation marks" is through a translator, which makes their thoughts audible. This is their canon, in-game voice for my Zer0. Yes, everything is in haiku or less then five syllables. Their tone is also very flat and unemotional and sounds mechanical, like a voice changer. Characters with particularly sharp ears might pick up that they make noise separate from the translator and/or that there isn't another voice under it like a voice changer.

When Zer0 speaks about 'hearing' people in reference to their abilities they're usually referring to their mental communication rather then verbal. Zer0 can hear and understand quite a few spoken languages but its not natural to them.

Now technicalities of how it works! So Zer0 is basically a telepath without words. Normally for them, this is just like talking is for humans: you stand in a room together and project your "voice" at someone and you're talking. Whatever you're projecting is what you're saying, no more or less. They can aim this somewhat but it's only to the same extent a human can aim their voice such as talking quieter and turning away from other people. They can also project very "loudly", essentially running around yelling their thoughts for anyone to hear. This is usually what they do considering they've been around humans for between 30-40 years now and have only had their own voice in their head. They've lost track of their volume in a desperate bid to be "heard" essentially.

For example, if your character is a telepath who naturally projects their mental voice and they, say, wonder whats for dinner, Zer0 would "hear" that and respond by projecting a picture of what they're making or maybe the memory of the taste of it, something like that.

Normal mental communication with them is no more complicated then that. The only major difference is, where humans (and most other species really) use words they'll project emotions and ideas. They've learned to use simple words in some verses, depending on how long they've been able to have frequent contact with another mind.

Here's the part where it gets more complicated. Humans can't usually "hear" them however, there is a way they're capable of forcing the mental connection required. Skin to skin contact forges a much deeper version of the mental link Zer0's species automatically has between each other. Normally for them this is a very personal thing to do with only ones family and close friends. Maybe not quite as personal as, say, Vulcans but its a much deeper connection then just having a conversation.

With touch both sides are basically in each other's heads entirely. Conscious, projected thoughts and a great deal of more subconscious thoughts are free game on both sides, though anyone with any skill at hiding or suppression their own thoughts could block them off from the other party. Likewise anyone who's skilled at reading minds for one reason or another would have a lot easier time doing this while touching then not. During this I headcannon a lot of 'mindspace' kind of things, like Zer0 can kind of use their own thoughts and emotions as near physical things: wrapping their mind around the others in a protective or affectionate embrace, drawing people deeper into their mind and out of the real world for a time, and lashing out using their own anger/pain/fear as a near physical weapon to cause mental/psychic damage are all examples. This does require physical touch for the deeper connection, though other psychics familiar with invading other's minds may be able to achieve such results without needing contact. Fair warning, someone they don't trust 100% doing this without permission is going to get mentally attacked.

Yes this applies heavily to sex. I won't go into detail here as thats for ships only but imagine a feedback loop of all sensations involved.

Specifically addressing my Trigun verse, from what I understand (keep in mind I haven't read the manga yet and Stampede is clearly nowhere near done, all this comes from the OG anime and my friends screaming about it) the Plants are, if not exactly telepathic, some amount of psychic. So yes, Zer0 can hear the Dependent Plants for sure. They may or may not really understand them but more then likely the exchange of emotion and ideas would be pretty clear. Whether they could handle too much of that is up in the air at this time.

As for the Independent Plants, I would be inclined to say yes, they can hear them psychically and would probably hear them way better and more clearly then the Dependents. This is, of course, dependent on the muse I'm currently playing with and whether the mun plays them capable of projecting like that. Zer0 is not going to get into your muse's head without permission.

Thats about all I have right now, all of this will be copied and put into some info links I'm going to work on in the next few days. I'll have it all linked mobile friendly in a pinned post I should have done ages ago considering I'm 90% mobile myself. In any case, if anyone has questions as I said please ask and I'll be more then happy to clarify things or brainstorm how my muse does or doesn't hear yours.)

#zer0 things #headcannons #(out of blades) #(YO ALL I DID SOME ABILITIES WRITING) #(its all their empathic stuff in one hopefully convinient place) #(especially for my Trigun peeps given uhhhhhh stuff) #(but really applies to everyone more or less)

[alicenttully]

“sansa’s feminity is defined by social constructs that the man made world created. its materialistic and performative and restrictive. it harms all women. thats not to say women can’t... enjoy certain aspect of it but the objective is female subjugation and that cannot be disregarded.”

There is just a.... lot with that statement.

First off, you can really tell that OP does not understand Sansa as a character (or girls like her) when they say her femininity is “performative”.  

Sansa’s interests in particular things aren’t her attempting to put on some kind of “performance”, it is a natural part of who she is. it would exist regardless of whenever she is canon Westeros or in a modern AU. Could you argue that Sansa has been shaped/influenced by the women around her (Catelyn, Septa Mordane, Margaery, Cersei) Yes, to a certain extent. Because Sansa “being a lady at three” (and going by normal developmental stages, would have been in diapers not that long ago) again suggests to me this is who she is inherently. Using words “performative” suggests falseness and that doesn’t work because a proper look at Sansa’s chapters would understand that her interests/desires/behaviour is sincere.  

Regarding her femininity being “materialistic” …. In that same post, the OP defines Sansa’s femininity as “fancy dresses, pretty embroidery, floral perfumes, dainty desserts, slippers on polished floors, music and dancing, love stories, traditional marriage, courtly intrigue, smiling when you want to cry”

I look at the statement above with OP’s own definition of Sansa’s femininity… and I’m like, where’s the bridge?

This is where you actually need to understand the words that you are using instead of just throwing them in to make yourself sound revolutionary.  The word “materialistic” means “excessively concerned with physical comforts or the acquisition of wealth”.

None of that really applies to the things OP listed.  First off, a lot of the items they listed “floral perfumes, dainty desserts, music and dancing” could actually be considered a form of self-care- that is to maintain “one’s emotional and spiritual health.”  Looking after yourself doesn’t just mean keeping a proper sleeping schedule or drinking water because self-care is unique to the person. Self-care is about that person making themselves feel good.  It is not materialistic.  

Let’s move onto “fancy dresses and pretty embroidery”.  I don’t think liking “fancy dresses” makes you materialistic. If it is, then why are so many Arya stans insistent on arguing that Arya actually likes dresses? Because being materialistic is defined as being “excessively concerned” so in other words, “overly, extremely” – so basically obsession. Sansa loves pretty clothes, but not to the point of being obsessed.  She understands the need for her to dress in simple clothing in the Vale, even if she resents it.  She was genuinely surprised by the dress fitting because Cersei neglected her clothes.

“Pretty embroidery” … I would argue (and somebody correct me if I’m wrong) but embroidery is related to sewing… and that’s actually a really important, practical skill that transcends class lines (something I’ve talked about before)?  People in Westeros – even the rich- simply do not have the luxury where if they were me, the local shopping centre is 10 minutes away by car and at this centre, I have thousands of dresses to choose from right then and there (if money wasn’t an issue) Instead, the clothing that Sansa and Arya wear (both at the beginning of their stories and throughout), as well as the clothing of Catelyn, Cersei, Arianne, Margaery, Daenerys, Beth Cassel, Jeyne Poole, to the small-folk (i.e. Pia) also took the time to make- but the difference lies in that Westeros hasn’t undergone a textile revolution where clothing can be produced at a mass-scale.  That dress Sansa wore for her wedding? Took weeks to make, and if something had happened it the day before- they would not be able to get another copy of it elsewhere.

Furthermore, there’s also the fact that sewing circles/doing embroidery together can actually be a way for women to bond, share conversations, perhaps hatch plans because it is done within a feminine space that their husbands/brothers/fathers don’t cross.

“Music and dancing”. How? Why? Loving music and dancing don’t make you materialistic.  Loving music and dancing- things related to the arts, is deeply human.  It brings joy to people, helps us to connect with others. People often use music as a form of self-healing. The same for dancing, which enables people to express and tell entire stories/send messages through movement.

Fuck off with this “materialistic” bullshit.

“Love stories”.

LOL, what?  How is liking love stories “materialistic”?

And if it is… then why are Arya stans also huge Gendrya shippers? (Which I also ship btw, although I definitely wouldn’t say I’m invested. I can take it or leave it.)

“it harms all women. that’s not to say women…can’t enjoy certain aspects of it but the objective is female subjugation and that cannot be disregarded.”

The issue with that statement is that it is IMO putting the blame entirely on women/girls who happen to enjoy these things naturally (for example, I like to wear pretty clothes because it makes me feel good) rather than the men in their society with the actual power.

Ned Stark might have indulged his 9year old with sword lessons but it is abundantly clear through his POV that he saw it as a passing interest. “She would tire of it soon”. Tywin wouldn’t even consider doing the same for Cersei.  Selwyn Tarth finally relented after Brienne broke three-four betrothals.

Sansa or any girl liking “pretty dresses, perfume, music, dancing, love stories” is not the thing driving female subjugation. You know what I tend to think of when reading the books? I think of how girls can be forced into marriages they don’t want/have their entire futures decided for them at the age of 11/12, be subjected to marital rape, queens being abused by their husband���s Kingsguard, a sex worker being murdered in bed, an eighteen year old girl’s virginity treated as a contest, that same girl being told by Tarly not to look to him for justice if she gets raped,  the fact that smallfolk women if Kingslanding had fallen would have been at most risk of violence/rape, the fact that women can be excepted to keep having more children even though it would be dangerous for them to do (Naerys, Alysanne)

Just… the amount of conscendation and arrogance in that statement (as well as the entire post) is staggering.  imagine thinking you’re writing some sort of feminist post only to degrade women/girls like sansa because they don’t fit your way of being. you do realize you are no different than the adults in arya’s life who keep trying to force her to be someone she’s not? smdh

#sansa stark #asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #game of thrones #got #anti arya stans #anti arya stark #not really but to be safe #anti gendrya #ive often seen this post floating around and its always made me cringe #anti asoiaf fandom

[lifeandlemons]

Okay so I'm fairly new to the Motherland Fort Salem Fandom. But I binged the show in like three days and caught up to watch S2 EP9/10 live. So I'm sure that someone has already posted about this. But I just want to ramble about how much I love the show, Raylla in specific, and why I think they are soulmates.

In season 1, it was established that sexuality is very fluid in the MFS universe and it also doesn't really matter. It's never brought up as like a thing and even Elliot mentions in an After the Storm episode that sexuality is pretty irrelevant. You are free to love who you love and be whoever you want to be without any judgement. Which is quite the opposite of what we see in our world and most other shows with LGBT+ rep.

What's interesting is the shows take on the concept of marriage and I guess monogamy to a certain degree. During the Beltane episode we see Abigail with Clive and Augustin, Gerit despite being with Tally in the end is seen talking to other girls and is eventually married off. You can even see Glory off in the background leaving with a group of girls (whether that was romantic or more of a friendship connect that's up to you to decide). But from the very get go, all the girls are encouraged to meet and be with multiple different people. Not just one. It's about charging up and having connections and getting stronger. Whether that be a romantic or friendly connection.

This is further solidified when we find out in episode 5 that marriage is more of a contract to make kids rather than a lifelong commitment made from love. Charvel and Ciro are only to be married for 5 years to basically have kids and continue on the Bellweather line. Charvel even says that she's not upset about being married to Ciro because she isn't tied down necessarily she can still be with other people if she wanted. Ciro was more of a means to the end to create a "proper" Bellweather heir.

What makes me think Raelle and Scylla are soulmates is because in a world where monogamy isn't necessarily the norm in the militarized witches world we have a couple that is so thoroughly meant for only each other. That are so instantly drawn to one another and continuously fight for one another.

First off Raelle and Scylla only have eyes for each other. At no point do either of them show interest in literally anyone else. Which yes I know Scylla's initial interest is very sketch because she was told to get close to Raelle from the Spree... but work with me here!

Secondly, we have Raylla's parents. Willa married Edwin and stayed with him the entire time, even though he is a civilian and she likely knew that would be heavily frowned upon. I can only assume their marriage was formed out of love, rather than the obligation to have more girls to continue on the Collar line. Similarly, I'm assuming that Scylla's parents relationship was formed out of love due to the fact that they were dodgers and probably weren't fans of the "make babies for the army" thing that's going on. I feel like Raylla would see their parents love and want what they had. A super deep connection rather than a charge up so to speak.

Third, I want to compare their relationship to Abigail and Adil's. Abigail in season 1 was very casual with her sexuality having multiple partners. But we can kinda see that shifting in season 2 where she forms a really close bond with Adil and fights for their relationship despite her mother's wishes. She even says herself that her relationship with him is different because it's so much deeper than anything else that she's had. And it's when Alban Hearst says that the sky and earth cannot meet that they are basically prophesied to be together... i.e. soulmates. They are the opposites of each other, but they blend together so well. And besides Raylla they are the only couple that we see (besides background characters i.e. Willa and Edwin) that are dedicated to literally only one other person. Now I'd like to argue that Scylla and Raelle are kind of the same. Scylla being the earth, the Necro, connecting to death and bringing people back to life. Raelle being the sky, the the Fixer, healing people keeping them from dying. Together they form the circle of life. death and rebirth almost in a sense. They are the opposites of each other and that's why they work so well together. They are connected to each other on a much deeper level. And I mean opposites attract after all.

Idk if this makes any sense and I feel like I'm rambling here and none of my thoughts are coherent at all. But my main point is that in a world that is telling them they can't be together forever, they are saying fuck that because they're soulmates and they can do whatever the fuck they want.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

#motherland fort salem #motherland: fort salem #raelle collar #scylla ramshorn #raylla #raelle x scylla #abigail bellweather #tally craven #gerit buttonwood #adil of tarim

[deltas-writing-corner]

Courtship (4): The Gargoyle Graveyard

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland (Malleus x GN!reader)

Author note: Again, thank you all for being patient with me and I apologize for having a very inconsistent writing schedule. I'm going to make it my goal to update on a bi weekly basis instead of leaving you all in silent limbo. Also a reminder I suck at figuring out which warnings to put so if there's something that needs to be forewarned that I failed to disclose please lmk!

Warnings: Mentions of heavy bodily injuries | childhood trauma/neglect | discussions/mentions of discrimination | mentions of virginity/sexual history

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AO3 version

Clay. Stone. Porcelain. Plaster. Metal. There are even gargoyles carved entirely of wood! Some statues are stand-alone works of art while others are part of a clear collection or series of similar inspiration. They even come in all sorts of shapes and sizes; as small as an apple or a towering height to rival Malleus himself. No matter what, each grotesque has been crafted with the utmost consideration, by well seasoned and knowing hands. Even the ones that have clear defects and cannot serve their intended purpose are free of overabundant ivy, weeds, or dust. There’s a clear degree of love and care the family who makes these statues has for their craft that makes him feel less alone in his interest in an uncherished form of art.

“It should be around here somewhere,” you muse aloud. Ever since he expressed interest in seeing more sculptures made with non-traditional materials, you’ve been keeping your eye out for a particular one that would fulfill his yearning. You eventually find it and eagerly point to it. “There it is!”

Malleus watches as you approach a massive-sized statue covered with a thick and half-wet tarp. He helps you remove the cover, revealing a winged and slightly humanoid canine. There are many more grotesques with a similar design, but what makes this one stand out the most is the material it’s made out of.

“Amazing!” Malleus awes. “I’ve never seen a grotesque of this size made entirely of glass! They’ve even managed to maintain their attention to detail despite such an abnormal material choice.”

“You can even see the inner channel where the water would flow in and redirect out of its mouth,” you notice.

“They even went out of their way to make it functional despite it being unfit for actual installation?” Malleus inquires with disbelief. “Such a shame.”

“If you’re looking to buy anything here, I’m afraid it's a lost cause. One of the first warnings the grandfather gave me is that none of these are for sale.”

“What was his second warning?”

“If we damage anything, even as small as a scratch, he’ll kill us.”

“How charming,” he chuckles. “I cannot blame him. These statues must take weeks to complete. Time is a human’s greatest enemy.”

“For some, sure. But when I went to visit the family and talked to the old man, he was lunging around all this heavy equipment like he was still in his prime,” you recall. “He lives for his craft. If there’s anything humans are at risk of their entire lives, it’s a lack of motivation and reason to live.”

“I suppose that’s true, but the lifespan of humans and the inevitable effects of aging is difficult to live with, especially once it begins to hinder one’s ability to do what one could previously do without issue. ”

“You’re not wrong,” you acknowledge. “But I think I’d rather live a short life with fulfillment than a dull, long-as-shit life.”

To show that he’s entirely on your side, Gunter lets out a guttural bark while his tail rapidly wags and thumps the damp ground, coating the ends of his bushy tail in specs of dirt and dirtied, remnant snow of the north that has managed to stay frozen on the isles warmer south end.

“You’re only agreeing with them because you’ve been promised food,” Malleus chastises. “Don’t think I didn’t pick up on your grumbling stomach.”

“And don't think I didn't pick up on your stomach rumbling either your highness," you quip back at him. "The family has a small cottage nearby we can use. We'll settle down for a bit and eat before sightseeing some more."

Before you turn and walk in the direction towards the aforementioned lodgings, you reach your hand out for Malleus to take and he latches onto you with restrained enthusiasm. He's taller than you, but he takes care not to take his normal strides as to not leave you struggling to keep up with him. Gunter doesn't know the way, so he trots beside you every step of the way up until the destination is in plain view. The cottage is small but well-attended. There’s a rustic flair to its construction that makes it feel familiar and safe despite never stepping foot in it before.

"Those gargoyles were something, huh?" you remark to him while you tap and shake off the gunk wedged into the soles of your heavy boots against the frame of the door.

"Indeed," he nods, taking your cloak off for you and hanging it on the wooden rack nearby. "I don't think I've ever seen that many gargoyles in one day. Just when my eyes land upon an intriguing one, there's several more that catch my attention."

The way he gets all wide-eyed is outright adorable. It makes you grin just as enthusiastically too. "I bet your club is going to have a field day once you tell them about this!"

His child-like smile turns into one of disappointment. "I'm certain they would, if I wasn't the sole member that is."

Your hands halt from pulling out and setting down all the premade food out of your pack. "Seriously? You're the only one?"

When he nods his head, you feel a twinge of hurt in your heart. Poor guy. You can only imagine how disappointing it must be to go through all those lengths to start a club (you would know since you're technically a staff member of the school and have been given a rundown on some of the school's functions and regulations) only for no one to show interest. Of course, you completely understand that gargoyles aren't exactly all the rage within the minds of teenage boys. Still! He goes through so much effort to build relationships with his peers but they always cower away, either due to his status or even because of the way he looks. You won’t deny that he does come off as rather intimidating at first glance, but he's a sweet guy once you give him the chance to speak.

But to expect teenagers going through social pressures and demanding academics to be as understanding and willing to understand someone like Malleus is an impossible demand. Given that everyone in the school can be a bunch of self-centered and easily agitated bunch of pricks, it's understandable that most of the student body isn't keen on trying to take into consideration the proper etiquette one needs to consider in the presence of a young and noble fae. Deuce has met and talked briefly with Malleus on one occasion, but even he visibly shakes whenever his name is mentioned, even in casual passing.

Wait until they found out who you've gone and gotten buddy-buddy with behind their back. They probably think they're slick or that their intentions are well swept under the rug, but it's clear they feel some semblance of responsibility for your well-being, as both a magicless individual as well as a close, albeit older, friend. You dread the day people begin to make the connections between Malleus and you, but you still can’t help but wonder what their reactions might be. You also dread the high probability those two idiots are going to find out and embarrass the living hell out of you, which you know you do not have the patience or tolerance for.

Gunter jumps up and sits himself down in one of the wooden dining chairs, pushing the small ceramic plate towards you with his nose, as if telling you "Alright, I’ve done what I said I'd do, now feed me what I'm owed." You tell him that you'll give him what he's well earned after you get a small fire started in the brick fireplace. Just because it's warmer near the southern half of the island and not as heavily blanketed with snow, doesn't mean the cold has completely vanished, Winter is still winter after all.

"Where did these scars come from?"

Malleus' unexpected question and closeness nearly make you drop the iron rod you've been using to stoke the growing fire. You've since taken off your boots and rolled up the bottoms of your pants just above your knee as the room starts to warm up enough for a thin layer of perspiration to accumulate and roll down your skin. The scars he's referring to are the ones on your right leg, both side by side at an awkward angle and discolored. You have a lot more scars than these, some much more gruesome in appearance than these two. Malleus has never asked about your scars, but sometimes you catch him looking in the general area of some that peak through your clothes. He likely keeps quiet about their existence out of courtesy.

Yet out of all the markings on your body, why did these two stand out enough that he'd finally ask about them?

"It's a long story," you say in an effort to stall the topic. "Sit. I'll feed you two once the fire is stable."

He doesn’t push you for an answer, instead simply doing as you say and lets you poke at the burning logs until they're properly aflame on their own. You made mostly some of your morning favorites; Creamy and thick potato stew with diced carrots and peas and some eggs, ham, and crispy hash browns sandwich between homemade halved croissants. You teased him about having picky taste buds earlier, but Malleus is content to eat anything you serve him so long as it is not comparable to the likes of Lilia's atrocious cooking.

(Seriously, how does a man as old as Lilia not know the basic fundamentals of cooking? And why does everything he makes end up burnt and tasting like something rotten? You will never understand.)

"Don't eat too quickly," you warn Gunter as you pour a bit of light-colored soup onto his designated plate. Your words are ignored, as the equally marred wolf sloppily slurps and munches on the few bits of potatoes and vegetables you generously scraped out of the thermos. His food is gone as quickly as it’s put in front of him and he looks at you expecting more.

"No. The rest is mine," you scold. "And don't beg Malleus for some either! I know you do it behind my back, you little shit!"

He turns to look at Malleus with an accusatory glare, thinking that he ratted him out to you. Malleus’s response towards the silent imputation is to turn and look out the window as if something caught his interest all of a sudden, cup raised to his lips as he politely sips away at his meal without an air of calmness. You have to slap a hand over your mouth to hide the amusement that overtakes your senses.

"Malleus, stop that!"

"Stop what?" he innocently asks.

"Stop making me want to laugh!"

He sets his cup down onto its matching serving dish. "It's not my fault you have an easily satiable sense of humor."

"Wow!" you say incredulously and put your arms up in offense. "And here I was thinking we were friends!"

His distant demeanor breaks and you both devolve into a fit of laughter together. Gunter unfortunately takes advantage of your joint distraction and slips away with a warm sandwich between his jaw, your sandwich in particular.

"That damn wolf!" you curse. "I knew I should have trusted my gut and pack extras.”

Malleus pities your distress before moving over to sit closer. "Worry not. I'll split mine in half with you,” he reassures.

"No, it's fine," you immediately dismiss his offer. "Have it for yourself."

"I'm not taking no for an answer," he firmly states. “Don’t be stubborn. It’s far too early for that.”

"I thought you liked it when I was stubborn?” you pout.

He shakes his head with a smile. “I would be lying if I said I didn’t”

"At least someone likes my attitude,” you say after chewing and swallowing a mouthful of soup. “Sebek certainly doesn’t."

"The boy is stubborn as well. When two equally stubborn individuals cross paths, you will witness nothing but discord between the two."

"Add the fact I'm human into the mix, and we'll be exchanging fists instead of words sooner or later," you scoff. "I get that some faes don't like humans, but what's his deal with acting like he’s got a vendetta against me?"

"Sebek doesn't hate humans for the reasons you might think," Malleus admits. "It’s more like he finds them difficult to think that highly of. Did you know that he is half-human?"

You nearly choke on your own breath over the sudden revelation. "Really?"

"Indeed," Malleus finds amusement at your disbelief. "Have you ever wondered why his ears aren't pointed like Silver, but his eyes are like mine and Lilia’s?"

"Damn,” you scratch the back of your head with embarrassment. “Now I feel stupid.”

"You aren't. Given the way he speaks, not many would assume he had human blood in his veins. His mother was highly regarded within her social circle, but her marriage to a human man tarnished her reputation a great deal. She's happy and does not seem to care what others think of her these days. However, when Sebek set out to be a knight, his mother's marriage and his lineage were often brought up as a way to scrutinize his character and capabilities rather than any of his actual shortcomings as an individual."

"Poor kid," you sigh. "Lilia told me those sorts of things still happen in The Valley, but it sounds so outlandish that I couldn’t take it that seriously."

"Many faes hold old traditions above all else, to a degree that the purity of one's blood stands above all other merits." His eyebrows pressed together in annoyance. "Even my grandmother thinks it's archaic, but as the reigning queen she has to embody a persona of neutrality between the social divide."

"It sounds like you have your work cut out for you in the future," you say, almost apologetically. "What do you plan to do about it once you're the king?"

There's a brief flash of surprise over your question, but Malleus easily answers it as usual. "I think my first course of action as king would be to properly knight Sebek and Silver."

"Bet my rifle that Sebek is going to cry the entire ceremony!" you remark with certainty. "That's all he ever goes on about, being a knight and all."

"He's devoted countless hours and efforts since he was a child. If there's anyone who deserves to join the knighthood, it's him."

"Definitely," you nod to further cement your agreement with him. "He could stand to lower his voice a bit. He'll give you tinnitus before long.”

"At least we won't have to worry about losing him in a crowd," Malleus jests.

"That's to say we'll lose sight of him to begin with," you remark. "He'll gladly lose me in a crowd. You? You'd be lucky to get out of arm's length."

"You underestimate me, dearest," Malleus smirks. "Ever since I've met you, I've perfected the art of avoiding Sebek's insistent searches."

"Have you now?" you razz back. "Don't let him catch onto the fact. He'll have my head."

He reaches over and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. Each second his skin touches yours makes you tingle. Time slows down ever so briefly if only to savor the small instance of physical connection for as long as possible. "What of your aunts?" he inquires. "Are they as overprotective of you as Sebek is of myself?"

"They’re a trio of mama bears," you proudly admit. "I'm old enough to drink and well equipped to fend for myself, but in their minds, I'll always be the little tyke that couldn't even eat their meals without looking at them for approval. Especially my aunt Gia."

You have three aunts. There's your aunt Marisol, the mother of most of your cousins and the main caretaker of the household. Your second aunt Lucia was well into her studies at university when you came to live with them, but her stress and long hours of mulling over her course materials paid off in the long run. Your gardening skills wouldn't be what they are now without her expertise in agricultural botany.

Then there's your aunt Gia. Oldest of the three. An absolute tank of a woman. No spouse. No kids of her own. She lived off the land like an absolute titan. The woman raised you as if she was the one that carried you for nine months and not your actual birth mother.

How would you describe your parents? If your parents were told to list out their priorities in life, their careers would be at the top of the list and you would be put at the very bottom. Why they carried you to term is beyond your understanding. You later learned that Gia had even offered to take you under her care well before your birth, knowing that your parents might not be well-suited to take care of you in the way she thinks would be beneficial for you. It was a convenient offer that would have saved everyone the trouble years down the line when you had your accident. They worked in a cutthroat industry and were constantly moving up the executive echelons. They had no time for you, yet their pride as a pair of young, successful business magnates made them incapable of seeing past the reality of the situation. That left you mostly in the care of last-minute caretakers and your aunts, but only if they had time from their own busy and preoccupied lives to come out into the city and visit.

You were eight years old when things started to get better, but it was upstarted in the worst possible way. Your parents had to go away for the upcoming weekend for work and left you in the care of a babysitter as per the norm. The babysitter never showed up however and your parents apparently couldn’t be bothered to check up on you even once the entire trip. Their silence wasn’t surprising. You just went on about your business for the next three days on your own like nothing was wrong. Your aunt Gia had even called at one point to check up on you, but you didn’t bother to tell her that your parents had left you to fend for yourself. She would have exploded if you did, but not as much as she did when you woke up in the hospital after falling down the stairs and lying helplessly on the ground for several hours with a dislocated shoulder and a compound-fractured leg. You were lulling in and out of consciousness due to all the medication pumped into you, but what little you do remember seeing and hearing when you regained consciousness will forever stick with you for the rest of your life.

If people think your level of swearing is bad, they should have heard your aunt that day. She swore so viciously that it could set an innocent bystander's eardrums on fire. What will forever stand out the most to you was the fact that your parents didn’t even look the least bit apologetic or regretful. They didn’t even approach you once your aunt was done giving them a piece of her mind to check up on you. They simply talked with the awaiting social worker and doctors and then left. It was for the better, but the small part of you that continued to hold onto the desperate belief that your parents would come around one day sent you into a thrashing frenzy and you had to be sedated before you could hurt yourself anymore.

The next year was spent recovering from your injuries, meeting regularly with your caseworker, and going through therapists like a pack of cigarettes. By the time you were back on your feet and the legal proceedings of your custody case were concluded, all you wanted was to move on with it all. Nearly a decade of neglect left you this unattentive, uncertain husk of a person who couldn’t take a single step forward without looking for some sort of guidance or assurance. Your family was exhausted by the entire ordeal and over speaking with third parties. Your aunts took it upon themselves to help you regain your sense of self in the comfort of your new home, no matter how difficult or demanding it was going to be.

“It took some time, but eventually it clicked in my mind that I was in a better place and I started to get better. As for my parents, I have no clue what they’re up to these days.” You lean back into your chair and let out a shaking yawn. “I like to think they’re getting on well like I am.”

“I don’t understand.” Malleus looks at you with unbelievable confusion. “Your parents treated you poorly, yet you don’t sound the least bit resentful. Why is that?”

You shrug your shoulders. “What’s the point? I'm in a better place now, so I've let bygones be bygones. 'Doesn't mean I don't harbor any anger against them anymore. I do, but getting upset won't change what's happened to me."

Gunter, having sensed your discomfort over the matter, trots over and rests his head on your lap. You gratefully rub the top of his head, carding your hands through his thick, coarse hair. "I'm just glad they let me go without a fuss. Family court was hell for my family.” Your eyebrows knit together. “Expensive too.”

Crackling wood fills the momentary silence that befalls the small cottage. What you've recollected to Malleus is a lot to take in, and if you're being quite honest you'd prefer if he just dropped the subject and talked about literally anything else right now. You hope he doesn't say he's sorry or any other type of apologetic comment. That's all you were ever told that entire year it all happened, during court proceedings, your rehabilitation, by both strangers and distant family members alike.

"I'm so sorry. What happened to you was unfortunate. You didn't deserve it."

No shit you didn't deserve any of that. You were a kid. You don’t need one pity party after another to realize that what took place then had fucked you forever. But as you said earlier, you're in a better place now, with a loving and supportive family that's moved on alongside you. A family you need to get back to as soon as possible.

"I love you."

Well, if he was hoping to take your mind off the past. that certainly did it. How can it not? It came out of nowhere and as good as you are at holding your composure when need be, you're sure you look no less like a gaping fish when warm and plush softness presses right against the corner of your lips. A kiss. His kiss.

"What's wrong?" Your voice sounds shaky. You’re nervous.

"Nothing," he smiles reassuringly. "I simply said what I felt needed to be said."

"Fair enough" you concede easily. He was going to say it sooner or later. He already has actually, now that you think about it. Yet here you are trying to process his words like it’s rocket science.

"Am I going about this too fast perhaps?" he genuinely asks. His hands that have been busy massaging your calves that have settled across his lap somewhere during your long retelling gradually slow down, but his hands never go completely still. "This is my first time experiencing something like this."

"What?" You sit up a bit straighter. "A relationship?"

"Yes."

Your head tilts to the side. "Really?"

He nods hesitantly "Yes?"

For a moment, you go completely quiet. "I don't believe you,” you doubtfully say, head shaking to further showcase your refusal to believe him.

He must not have liked your remark, frowning with clear offense in his eyes. When he dislikes something, the vertical slits in his eyes contract into a thin line. "I cannot lie, yet you still doubt me?"

"I know you can't lie, but I find it hard to believe you haven't been with anyone else before," you explain. Before you can consider the appropriateness that was your newfound curiosity about Malleus's apparently non-existent love life, you blurt out, "Are you still a virgin?"

You slap your hand over your mouth the moment those words come out of it. He's equally caught off guard and nearly drops his warm cup of coffee. Even Gunter is surprised by your question, olive-colored eyes looking at you as if you've lost your mind. It's an invasive question, inappropriate even. You and Malleus have been dating for a little over two days. A question like that is way too early to bring up just yet.

"You don't have to answer that," you tell him behind your palm. "I shouldn't have even asked it. Forget I ever brought it up-”

"I'm not," he interrupts you, leaving you even more shocked than you already are. You’re practically gaping like a fish by now. "I'm not a virgin,” he further insinuates.

A deafening silence, but it’s eventually broken by yourself. “I still don’t believe you.”

Malleus gets further annoyed at your refusal to accept his truth. "I'm not lying!" he insists.

"Bullshit!"

"Do you want me to recount my history to you?" he asks, exasperated as you are at the shift the conversation is taking. "Will that satisfy your doubts?"

"You know what? It will!" you loudly declare. "Who'd you sleep with?"

"He was a young page at the time,” he reminisced. “It happened before I was a century old.”

Your eyebrows raise with intrigue. "Was he cute?"

"Yes," he hushedly agrees. The disconcerting admittance paints his face a pinkish-red glow. "But that's not why I bedded him."

"But surely his looks are what made you interested in the first place?” you make blatant regard of the fact.

“You’re not wrong,” he acknowledges, expertly avoiding agreeing with you outright. “But his looks aren't the sole reason I was drawn to him. He was bright-eyed and ambitious, to the point you’d think him insane given his position in the court. It was also the first time I ever truly met with a group of humans, and my young mind was eager to get a more accurate perspective of humans that wasn’t through the lens of my tutors.”

“An ‘accurate perspective’?” You make playful air quotes, eyebrows wiggling because you know the fact that he knows what you’re implying. The playful comment is met with a sharp pinch on your leg that makes you jump and shriek out in pain. Did he have to dig his nails into you? Apparently so, and now you have small crescent indents on your skin. “I bet Lilia had a good laugh when he found out.”

“He doesn’t know, actually,” he admits to you with what is obviously a proud smile.

“Now I know you’re lying to me,” you scoff. “Nothing escapes the old man’s radar.”

His hands begin to rub out the marks he’s left on you as a form of apology. “Lilia is sharp, but he had lost most of his vigor by the time I was born.”

You go wide-eyed again. “You mean his hearing and eyesight was better than it is now?”

He nods affirmatively. “From what I’ve been told, terrifyingly so.”

Lilia is already frightening as is. His short stature and boyish looks make him perfectly unassuming to those who don’t know any better. You once watched him beat up a couple of bulky, twice-his-height students from Savanaclaw without breaking a sweat, yet moments before he was jokingly scolding himself for dozing off so easily. You never once thought he was ever out of his elements. A cold chill runs down your spine thinking how much more perceptive the older fae may have been back during his prime years.

“Wonder what Lilia’s gonna think,” you ponder out loud in a quick effort to banish out the skin-prickling mental imagery your mind was invoking. “About us, I mean.”

Malleus seems surprised that you would change the topic to that of all things, but his initial shock goes away as quickly as it came. “As you may have guessed, he’s an open-minded individual, but he’s also very realistic and unafraid to say what’s on his mind.”

“So what does that mean for you and me?” you question with a bit of hesitation.

“Well,” he trails off and ponders for a moment. “He’ll surely like the scandal our relationship would invoke. However, as my caretaker and mentor, he won’t hesitate to put an end to it if he feels it necessary.”

Had it been anyone else sitting beside you, you’d have found that comment way too extreme and outright ridiculous. However, you are not speaking to anyone ordinary. You are not sitting before someone normal. It doesn't matter how well you get along with him. It sure as hell doesn't matter how deeply in love you are with him, and him of you. The moment you have been deemed a shortcoming, the outings, the closeness, it all stops. All of it will come crashing down and both you and him will be left wondering what could have been done differently.

Malleus is truly your best friend, because already he can tell that your mind is beginning to spiral even when you go quiet. He calls for your attention by gripping his hand around your bare ankle and carefully tugging the end of your limb. “Don’t fret over it too much,” he soothes, yet also sounding like he’s scolding you for letting your mind wander off so negatively. “Lilia is an exceptional judge of character. From what I’ve gathered, you’ve well exceeded all his marks. He trusts you, and to gain such a thing from someone as old and wise as him is an extraordinary feat.”

You brew over the attempted compliment he tried to pay to you. Unfortunately, it doesn’t snub out all these festering thoughts in your head. It doesn’t even give you temporary relief. Perhaps it would have brought you a sense of peace a few months ago, but with everything that has happened thus far, you doubt even Malleus can alleviate the storm that rattles inside you, even if what he speaks is without a doubt nothing but the truth.

Surely he can see that you are still having some hangups. When you lift his hand and plant a chaste kiss on the back of his hand, you hope he can decipher the gesture as a pitiful request for his forgiveness for dampening the once energetic mood. He is not at fault for your loss and inability to think optimistically at the moment and you need to make sure he knows it.

Today is about him, not you. Even if it’s just for today, you’ll put on a pleasant facade and worry about the rest at a later date. It’s just you and him, and for now, that’s enough.

You do a mental countdown starting from three, before finally giving him a late response to the three words he uttered in confidence to you earlier. “I love you too, by the way.”

You love him. You love him. You love him. That’s all his mind can think of for the rest of the day. He replays your reciprocation over and over like it’s sacred and all-powerful.

He had planned to return to his dorm before the sun began to set, but he found the mere idea of detaching from you deeply unwanted and made the last-minute decision to spend the evening at the Ramshackle dorm. He already has a few articles of clothing and personal essentials set up in one of the many empty rooms, so neither Lilia nor you had any objections at his sudden request.

“Don’t worry!” You shout across the room so that Lilia can hear you over his phone. “I’ll make sure he gets to bed on time!”

“You have my gratitude!” Lilia’s muffled voice responds gratefully. “Don’t cause too much trouble now, you two.”

“No promises~” you sing in jest before Malleus hangs up. Once the call ends Johnny, Benji, Franky, and you turn their attention back to their ongoing game of poker. Malleus watches and occasionally laughs to himself over the friendly banter shared between the quartet. At the end of every round, the winner is assaulted with colorful profanities whilst they take their newly won gambling chips with ebullience. Yet with each new dealing of cards, the animosity goes away and they’re all back to being friendly. He finds your interactions with your incorporeal roommates more entertaining than the book he’s been reading to pass the time.

“Hey, fairy boy,” Franky informally calls out toward him. “Don’t be a stranger now. Play a few rounds with us.”

“I’m afraid I’m not well versed in card games,” he admits, yet he still finds himself setting his literature aside and moving over to join them.

“Don’t worry,” you give him a reassuring smile. “They’ll go easy on you.”

“For how long?” he knowingly asks.

You give him an impressed smirk at his quick uptake. “I give it three rounds before they start to pull back their sleeves.”

Malleus is well-adjusted to the need to quickly learn a new topic and the expectation for him to fully comprehend it in full. None of them are harsh on him for his minor mistakes like some of the tutors he’s had in the past. Answers that he believes may be obvious or not as complicated as he thinks they are being answered with enthusiastic patience. The smallest achievements he makes are met with a proud response. When he makes a surprise turnabout and wins his first game, he’s rewarded with an encouraging round of applause by everyone.

“Not bad,” Benji praises as he shuffles the deck of cards. “You’re a fast learner.”

“So I’ve been told,” he humbly replies. “Is this the part where you all stop going easy on me now?”

“Don’t provoke them,” you half-heartedly warn. “Otherwise we’ll be up all night duking it out otherwise.”

Franky sets his glass of iced liquor down on the edge of the table. “Don’t you little lovebirds worry. We won’t take up too much of your well-needed time together.”

Annoyed at the clear jab at his relationship with you, you throw one of your chips towards his head. It passes through his body and clatters on the floor behind him. Your fawn Blossom jumps down from their spot on the couch and goes to sniff it, thinking it to be food, but walks away with a disappointed strut when he realizes it isn’t anything edible.

“I didn’t tell them a damn thing,” you defensively clarify. “It was so obvious what was going on between us that they figured it all out before we made it official.”

He lets out a deep breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “That’s...I can’t say I’m too pleased to hear about that.”

“We won’t say anything,” Franky reassures. “Just make sure to put a sock on the door whenever you guys want some alone time.”

“Franky!” you hiss at him. “What the hell?!”

“What?” he looks at you, unbothered by your clear embarrassment. “Do you honestly expect us to think you guys went out just to look at a bunch of statues?”

“Oh, I’m sure they were looking at something,” Johnny smirks. “It wasn’t made of stone though.”

“I hate you guys,” you growl out, arms crossing and leaning back into your seat with an angry huff. You don’t mean it. He can see the tremble of your lips as you try to contain the urge to grin. “Even if we did end up rolling around in the sheets, I wouldn’t be yapping about it for all to hear, much less you guys!”

“What happens in the gargoyle graveyard stays in the gargoyle graveyard, eh?” Franky winks at both Malleus and you, nudging you with his elbow.

“Exactly!” you affirm, batting the large ghost away from you for some much-needed distance. “Now stop being so damn nosy.”

They cackle one last time and everyone seamlessly goes back to their ongoing game. Conversations like the one that just concluded are commonplace in your dormitory. Even if he contributed next to nothing to the discussion, he enjoys watching them interact. You come from a world where ghosts are hardly as overt as the ones in this world. Ghosts are said to entertain themselves by picking on the living, to the point that it can be fatal. Your ability to come up with witticisms at a moment's notice is something he enjoys seeing in action. He feels great satisfaction not only knowing that he has secured your love but to also see you in a state of tranquility and within your elements.

As Benji and you have a hushed conversation on the sidelines, he reaches over and places his hand on your knee beneath the table. You quietly reach over and put your hand over his, stroking the back of his hand with your thumb like it’s instinctual. Unfortunately, the heart-fluttering moment is ruined by the sudden buzzing of his phone. He has half a mind to ignore it, but when he gives the screen a glance he realizes ignoring the caller is not an option.

“I’ll be out for a moment,” he excuses himself once he sets his hand down and stands himself upright. “This shouldn’t take that long, hopefully.”

They all stop to look up at him inquisitively for half a second. In unison, they ask, “Sebek?”

“Sebek,” he affirms.

There are simultaneous displays of annoyance, pity, and silent wishes of good luck directed at him. He’s tempted to ask where all this contempt for the boy comes from, but then he remembers the many times Sebek barges his way into their dorm at the worst possible moments. It is either when everyone is beginning to settle down after a long day or in the middle of an important house project, the former more so than the latter now that the dorm is much more stable and in need of less restoration. Malleus learned the hard way how ill you and the ghosts will react when your peace is unwantedly interrupted and your space invaded by an unwanted guest.

Sebek is also quick to scrutinize whatever he sees out loud without a filter. You never seem to mind half of the time, merely rolling your eyes and moving past Sebek’s ill-meaning remarks as if you never heard them. As you are someone Malleus highly regards and holds close to his bosom, he hopes Sebek can one day set aside his strife with humankind and give you the due diligence you deserve.

...Though, he completely understands that reaching that point will take time. While you can endure Sebek to a certain degree, there are times where he, unfortunately, pushes you past that threshold and, without flinching, you will tell him to “Shut the fuck up”. Your words, not his.

“Young master!” Sebek's transmitted voice peaks and he has to half pull it away to give his pained eardrums some relief. “I was informed by Lord Lilia that you will be spending the night over at the Human’s dorm. Have you all your accommodations at their estate? If not, I will swiftly-”

“That won’t be necessary,” he half laughs at his enthusiasm over such a small task. “I have enough to keep me comfortable and well for a few days. Your offer is still very much appreciated.”

“Y-Yes, of course,” he stutters. “If there’s anything you should ever find a need for, please inform me at once! I will fulfill your every wishes no matter the hour!”

He’s enthusiastic and ready to act at a moment’s notice, even during the middle of a cold and dark hour. Malleus doesn’t necessarily dislike this part of Sebek, but he’s starting to understand why someone like you would find such subservience difficult to deal with. At any moment, Malleus could ask Sebek to grab some insignificant item of his and tread through the thick snow to deliver it to him, and the boy would do so with jubilation and utmost timeliness. You on the other hand wouldn’t be caught dead ordering someone to do something on your behalf when you believe you are well and capable of doing it yourself.

You don’t put expectations onto the backs of others, choosing to trust yourself first before anyone else. He knows now that it’s a result of the one instance where you expected something from someone, only to be thoroughly let down and left wondering if it was you who did something wrong.

Malleus cannot make up for the pain you’ve been subjected to, but he hopes that he can become the outlier in your life that surpasses any preconceived notions you may hold onto others. He hopes...No, he absolutely will be the one who brings you your well-earned and deserved joy and repose, just as you have done for him and continue to do so.

You love him, and he will ensure he is worthy of every last drop of your fidelity.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland imagines #malleus draconia #twst malleus #malleus x reader #malleus draconia x reader #twst writing #twst fanfic #fanfic: courtship #reader insert #reader insert fanfic #reader insert fanfiction #gender neutral reader #gender neutral pronouns #x reader

[shreddedparchment]

A World of Our Own Pt.10

Epilogue

10/11/2020

Pairing: Bucky x Reader          Word Count: 1,615

Warnings: allusions to miscarriage, LOTS of fluff, past death

A/N: I know I haven’t replied to many comments or asks from the previous chapter but I wanted to get this out as quickly as possible so that the story would be truly closed. The ending was incomplete and now it is done and I hope you enjoy this ending as much as I do. It really made me so happy to write and this is the ending these babies deserve after being blown up and deserted on an island. If you happen to reblog, thanks so much for helping me spread my work! xoxo

Life doesn’t happen like we think it will.

We can plan and schedule and arrange as much as you’d like, but things will just not go your way.

As the ship docks, you sigh with frustration, rising to your feet to look through the porthole.

“We’re late.” You grumble, glaring at the darkening sky. “We were supposed to be here by noon. That way we had plenty of time to look around and make sure it’s safe.”

“Kitten, come here.” Bucky holds his arm out towards you without looking up from the small tablet in his hands.

There’s a weather radar on one half of the screen and on the bottom, an email. Probably from Fury.

You make a reluctant beeline for him, sitting on his lap when he urges you to, wrapping his arm around your waist.

With a lick to his lips, he puts the tablet down on the small bedside table—bolted down to keep from moving in rough seas—and brings his other arm around you.

“What did you just tell me last week?”

“I don’t know.” You shrug, pretending you can’t remember.

“Yes, you do, Y/N. What did you so passionately talk my ear off and insist that I remind you, especially on this very trip, if you begin to slide back on your newest and most important—your words by the way—resolution in life? What was it?” Bucky pokes your leg as he speaks, then wraps his arm back around your waist and gives you a squeeze.

“Not to stress about the things in life that I cannot control.” You sigh. “Out of all the damn things I’ve told you, why is this one the one you remember?”

“Because you wouldn’t stop talking about it for an entire day!” Bucky chuckles. “We’re a little late? So what? We have plenty of time. This is supposed to be our honeymoon. Let’s just let go of everything and enjoy our time here.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just…I wanted everything to be right.” You nod.

“It will be. We bought the island. They’ve been working on it for a year. I’m sure everything will be perfect.” Bucky soothes you, reaching up to rub between your shoulders. “You approved all the changes. They said it was done. What are you worried about? Specifically. Help me to understand this anxiety you’re feeling.”

You grab Bucky’s face and pull his lips to yours roughly. He mumbles against your lips, a small huff of a laugh seeping through.

When you pull away, he laughs. “Ow.”

“I just…we haven’t been back here in years, Bucky. And I want it to be safer than when we left it.”

Bucky’s eyes are full of sudden understanding.

“I see.” He gets to his feet as the large yacht finally stops, helping you stand too before taking your hand in his own. “Come on. Let’s go see it. You kept the hut, right?”

“I kept everything.” You tell him, following him along the narrow white hallway, pristine wooden floors varnished and gleaming. “I just had them upgrade most of it.”

“I like your dress.” Bucky states, giving your outfit a quick once over even though you’d been wearing it for the better part of the day.

You smile bright however, pleased by the compliment before you stop, grab hold of the intentionally designed a-symmetrical dress and swing it back and forth. It’s navy with pink pansy florals and light green leaves, the top more modest than the one you owned before. Capped sleeves and a lovely heart neckline, a very thin strip of pink lace along the hem.

Bucky stops with you, smiling at the shift in your attitude with one simple acknowledgment of your reference to your first time on the island.

“How many times did we end up cutting off pieces of that first dress?” Bucky wonders, letting you think.

“Too many.” You acknowledge. “It was more of a shirt by the time we left.”

Bucky lifts your left hand up to his lips, kissing your simple solitaire engagement ring, your matching wedding band also on your finger.

“Well, we won’t have to cut any of this one off. I promise.” He assures you then pulls you along once again.

Bucky makes you wait. He makes you stay behind as the two of you reach the deck of the yacht—the Paradise Lost as you’d named it—while he steps onto the long and reinforced pier.

It stretches out on the same beach where the cabin of the plane had once stood, now relocated, and honored on another part of the island for the lives that had been lost.

The graves Bucky had dug had been remade, a small graveyard built to give the pilot and stewardess a proper resting place.

You can see it from the deck, a little farther inland where you’d had a cobbled path built to lead to it from the pier.

Making a mental note to tell Bucky you want the Stewardess’s family invited to give them a chance to say goodbye. You’re not sure if you’ll be able to get them here with the secrets surrounding the plane, but you can try.

Bucky comes back fairly quickly and waves you over. Eagerly you make your way to him.

“What happened?” You ask him but he gestures towards an older gentleman on the beach.

“Mr. Lara wants to talk to you about the chef’s supplies. Looks like there was a delay in the shipment.” Bucky tells you, then hurries past you. “Don’t worry, I’ll get our bags.”

“Bucky, we’re paying people to do that!” You call after him, but he waves you off and you turn to meet with Mr. Lara.

The island, while still massively private, has been built up like a small resort. There’s your hut, which the basic structure is the same but to it have been added a full chef’s kitchen. Several bedrooms. A living room. A master bedroom and access to the beach and a private pier.

There’s a beach barbecue patio and lounge chairs. Hidden behind the hut right in the spot Bucky built it, is the bathing pool, now with built in filtration, temperature control and more sustainable materials so that it will endure.

Your little island, the world you and Bucky created was given a full makeover. You’d always known you wanted to come back. You’d hated being stranded but the memories and the connections you’d formed here were special.

After assuring Mr. Lara that you have enough provisions on the yacht to last you until the grocery delivery arrives, you make your way back to see what’s keeping Bucky.

You’re nearly there when Bucky’s sweet chuckle stops you in your tracks. He takes the ramp onto the pier and with his hand still extended towards the yacht, you wait, your heart swelling.

“Careful.” You tell him, but he doesn’t need you to remind him.

Into view toddles a black-haired angel, eyes just as blue as his father’s. Just as you had when you’d thought about the possibility of a child with Bucky how beautiful it would be to see a mini version of him with your temper running around, it’s just so.

You wait with patience, his legs sure though slightly unsteady. His eyes scanning the area with inquisitive gusto.

He’s only just two years old but he’s already smart as a whip and when he spots you, he gasps with excitement and as soon as his little feet hit the pier, he releases Bucky’s hand and races for you.

You stoop down to scoop him and chuckle as he laughs, wrapping his arms around your neck.

“There’s my big boy.” You coo, pressing a kiss to his cheek before he can pull away. “Where are we, Robin? Do you know where this place is?”

As he straightens up, he points towards the shore. “Beesh!”

“That’s right. We’re at a beach. This is an island, Robin.” You explain, moving down the pier with him in your arms.

“I-wan.” He repeats, then giggles before squirming from your grip. “Woah, easy.”

Bucky moves forward and stops the little one before he can run.

“Hey bud, we can run down the pier and play in the sand, but you have to make me a deal, okay?”

Robin lifts his little hand up, bent at the elbow with his palm turned up as he shrugs. “Dew?”

“Yeah. We can run down to the beach if you hold my hand. Okay? The water is very deep, and mommy will cry if you fall in. You don’t want mommy to cry, do you?”

“No!” Robin exclaims, his little face suddenly angry, eyebrows drawn down on the inner corners in an exaggerated expression. “Mommy no cwy!”

“Then you’ll hold my hand?” Bucky asks, holding it out for him.

Without another word Robin takes hold of Bucky’s hand ad doesn’t wait before he’s pulling him along as fast as his little legs can.

“Be careful!” You call after them but they’re not listening anymore.

Life doesn’t function according to your plan.

While you were planning your wedding, Robin came as a sweet surprise. You postponed the wedding and instead celebrated the birth of your rainbow. Much sooner than expected but welcomed all the same.

Then you and Bucky took time to nurture your son and the wedding was finally held only two weeks ago. Honeymoon delayed to make certain the island was safe for you baby.

And although you’re saving the news for the right time, you hope that you can convince Bucky to stay here for a while, at least until your second little one comes. Just another seven months.

#bucky barnes x reader #castaway au #winter soldier x reader #a world of our own #awooo #marvel fanfiction #marvel au #bucky x reader fanfic #bucky x reader fic #bucky x reader fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader fic #bucky barnes x reader fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader fanfic

[tuber-culosis]

I've been reading through a lot of radfem blogs and posts lately. and gotta say, i'm leaning a lot towards radical feminism. And im definitely gender critical.

but one topic I want to talk about in particular is the criticism of Islam.

Which I feel is totally valid considering the current state of mainstream islam and Muslims.

Mainstream Islam (is what you see on all social media, seemingly practised by a lot of Muslims) IS sexist. And homophobic. There's no use denying it, neither do I think I'm a bad Muslim for not supposedly defending my own religion. You have to recognise the flaws in your own system to improve and progress.

Then arises the question why am I still Muslim then/ why do I still practise Islam? If I recognise the way it is practised is sexist and homophobic, which are things I'm against?

The difference lies in my belief that "mainstream Islam" is much different from the root of Islam.

Many (read: a LOT, not all) modern Muslims have been influenced by ultra conservative movements that want to return Islam to the way they believe was practised during the time of the Prophet (pbuh), ie; some centuries back. This is propagated by the ideas of Salafism and Wahhabism that frankly, prevent progress, reform or any sort of growth in Muslim communities.

I personally have witnessed this in my own country, India, where women are increasingly wearing the hijab and even full body covering purdahs, not talking to the opposite gender, men not looking a woman other than their wives in the eye, etc compared to when my mother was a child, when almost all Muslim women dressed in normal comfortable clothes and there were no much gender segregations. (Gender segregation still existed to a certain degree due to conservative Indian culture ofc)

This radicalisation led to the development of ultra conservative Muslims who enforce sexist, homophobic and separatist policies in the name of God.

They claim to want to return to "true Islam" but they add so many unnecessary rules and regulations you have to follow in order to be a "true Muslim" that are almost so impossible to follow I can vouch I have unconciously broken like 50 of them in one day maybe. These "laws" are derived from:

1. The hadith

2. Arab culture

3. Poor translation of the Quran to fit these radical ideals.

Explaining each of these in a little more detail,

1. A lot of practising Muslims might come at me for this one, but I feel that considering the hadith to be a holy source of guidance and believing everything in the Hadith when there are so many contradictions and logical fallacies, is foolish.

For those who have no clue what the hadith is, Islam basically has the Qur'an, which is, as we believe, a holy book revealed by God to the Prophet (pbuh), which acts as divine guidance on how to live life as a good person. It has rules, suggestions, and guidance to take desicions on a lot of everyday matters we face. It was a godsend (hehe pun fully intended) to women, who weren't even allowed to own property back then. Muslims believe that the Quran is guaranteed againt corruption by God, as revealed in one of the verses. Therefore, to a believer, it is THE book to consult, and the verses will never change, no matter how many years pass. There's actually a really interesting way the Quran is coded, so people can know if it has been tampered with or not, if anyone is interested. But the bottom line is, for a Muslim, the verses of Quran cannot be challenged. There are various INTERPRETATIONS of said verses, but the core Arabic text is the same.

Now there is a secondary source of guidance in the form of Hadith, which is literature that claims to record things the Prophet (pbuh) has said in his lifetime. The problem I find, along with other hadith critics, is that it was compiled much later after the death of the Prophet. Muslims argue that these hadiths were passed down in a proper recorded chain of transmitters that can assure the message hasn't been altered or tampered with. The problem is, that the standard used then was just how reliable was a person's memory and how trustworthy they were, and they did not actually judge the actual content of the hadith. So even if a hadith hypothetically said "Kill all the disbelievers", (which, fyi, it does NOT) and it had a reliable chain of recorders, it would be accepted as "sahih" (trustworthy) hadith, even though it clearly goes against the guidelines of the Quran, where it says there shall be no compulsion in religion (which implies you cannot just murder anyone who refuses to believe/ believes another religion). If one actually examined the content of this imaginary hadith, it would be easy to see it's tampered with by people with or without malicious intent (for eg, it might've actually been "You can kill the disbelievers ONLY if they attack you and will not leave you and your family alone") or some may not even remotely be the words of the Prophet, as he only followed the Quran.

Also, the integrity of the Hadith isn't guaranteed by God anywhere in the Quran. To know more about this, I suggest you read this link , and this one.

So yeah, I take hadith with a (large) grain of salt. So I will not be including them in my discussion obviously.

Now a lot of these hadith have been fabricated, as established, or reflect something that was applicable specifically in that time and setting, seeing that the Prophet was an ordinary man who couldn't predict the future or know about all the different cultures of the world.

So even if the headscarf was a part of Arabian attire, that doesn't mean it has to be assimilated into our cultures now. Just because prostitutes used to pluck all their eyebrows out to signify that they are prostitutes (sex work is forbidden in Islam, because of the negative impact on women and society), doesn't mean that women are not allowed to pluck their eyebrows now.

Following these hadith blindly without considering for a moment that hey, these might be outdated, seeing it isn't meant for all time periods like the Quran, and half of these contradict themselves, maybe we shouldn't consider this as an authority on rules in Islam. Personally, I don't believe anything is forbidden that is mentioned as such solely in the Hadith, and not in the Quran.

But the staunch belief in all of these Hadith leads to micromanaging of women, and literally everyone else. Few ridiculous examples include:

women can't pluck their eyebrows

men can't wear silk or gold, and they need to grow beards

music and dance is forbidden (seriously???)

the Prophet married a literal child of nine years (no do not try to justify it as "it was acceptable back then". According to the Qur'an it wasn't. Girls had to be mature enough to reject or agree to marriages and literal children can't do that. There is plenty of research to prove that Aisha (ra), his wife, was at the very least 19 or 20. Again a case of unreliable and maybe purposefully manipulated Hadith. Scholars and people who uphold the theory that Aisha was 9, and hence, child marriage is legal are pedophiles through and through)

I feel that if anything, hadith should be considered with the authority of historical commentary, giving us more context to the times, and should never be blindly trusted just because a lot of scholars say it is a "sahih" (trusted) hadith.

Also a main feature of Islam is that you don't need an extra priest (no offence to religions who have priests) or a scholar to tell you things and intervene with God for you. You have a holy book, your own common sense and humanity, and you pray to establish a connection with God. Scholars are secondary OPINIONS who can provide insight from their knowledge and research to people who want it, but by no means any authority on things, just like hadith.

2. Arab culture and society, especially back the times that radicals want to emulate, was heavily patriarchal. Islam gave women rights and protection, but they were still limited by the cultural norms of that era.

What these people actually want is to return society to Arabic culture in that time period. (Exhibit A: the abaya/purdah for women and khandoorah for men. exhibit B: sex-segregated spaces)

Back then, women were expected to be caretakers and mothers, and men were expected to be the strong masculine protector.

Enforcing said cultural norms into modern day Islam is ridiculous. Saying that women rarely left the house back then, hence women shouldn't leave their houses now is the same as saying there weren't phones back then, so I shouldn't use one now. Would you ever give up your phones? So how about we do the same to women's autonomy and freedom? Adapt to modern times like regular humans?

If women were meant to stay at home, and meant to just rear children, and never meant to be seen in public, and never meant to be seen by the opposite sex, as extremists say "is God's will", then why is none of this found in the Quran? Do you seriously believe that God, describe multiple times as All-forgiving and generous and kind, would ever persecute women to such a fate? If you do believe that, then maybe you need to re-examine in the nature of God that you believe in. Also if you tell me the "it's for their safety" gimmick, I will flip out. It has been proved multiple times that a woman's dressing has nothing whatsoever to do with why men rape.

Sure, Islam advocates for modesty in dressing, for both sexes. Both are called to not stare rudely (many Muslim men seem to forget that part of the verse, strangely), both are advised to dress in modest, comfortable, clean and practical attire. Never once is anything remotely like "YOU'LL GO TO HELL IF YOU EXPOSE YOUR ELBOW, WOMAN". But the way modern Muslims enforce the dress code (some even going to the lengths of saying women shouldn't wear BRIGHT COLOURED CLOTHES, so as to not attract attention!!! I'm looking at you, Mufti Menk), you'd think that God says something much worse than that. Infact God pulls out Uno reverse, and encourages us to dress as beautifully as we want, especially when visiting the mosque.

3. A lot of English translations of the Quran come from Saudi Arabia. A country famous for its conservative practise of Islam. While the original Arabic text cannot be changed, a lot of these translations include information in parantheses that add "rules" based on the above mentioned factors, that a casual reader or a new Muslim who doesn't know Arabic will consider to be authentic rules of the Quran, extrapolated from the verse, and not extra additions that are often derived from hadith. A very good example of this is the headcover verse, which you can see in this link.

Even all the hostility surrounding homosexual people has been derived from cultural influences and one set of verses. From around 6000 verses, just a single set passingly mention homosexuality. Don't you think that if it truly were such a great sin, God would have explicitly forbidden it? Also why would he create such a natural variation in sexuality and then forbid it? Why isn't it forbidden for animals then? Is all-loving God that cruel to create this natural and healthy attraction in them and then explicitly forbid it when straight people get to marry and live life in bliss? (Please don't say that "God also created pedophilia, and that's natural, so by this logic shouldn't we allow that too?" because pedophilia IS NOT HEALTHY, AT ALL. IT'S IS A DISORDER. Unlike homosexuality) I'm also not picking and choosing things to fit my lifestyle, as some might say, as I am straight, and the only reason I support the LGBT community because I have basic humanity?? And they're humans who deserve rights and joy and freedom and acceptance just like the rest of us.

There have been reformed translations of Quran which examine the verse without prior bias against LGBT people, and they have presented an alternate translation, that the verse condemns sexual assault, which happened to be homosexual in the particular story. Check out this link too, which explains how closely examining the words used could change the meaning from one thing to another.

What I attempted to prove in this extremely long post is that the practise of a religion isn't necessarily the reflection of its true nature.

There are progressive open-minded people who believe in Islam because it gives them hope and solace. People who believe because core beliefs of Islam aligned with their own views and simple logic.

NOT to say there aren't religious bigots who will totally use religion to manipulate people into oppressing themselves or other people. There are, there are a LOT of people like that who call themselves "scholars". And there are a lot of people who follow these extremely harmful regressive version of Islam without critically thinking about what they are following.

I've seen a post discussing the meaning of the word Islam, which means submission to God. It said that it implies total submission, without questioning what we believe.

That is an argument used by both religious extremists to further their beliefs, and by the opposite side, who say the religion is oppressive.

I wish to present a view that Islam itself tells us to think critically, to use our brains to question everything and anything we believe. And then to arrive at our own conclusions. And if you're a decent, kind human, those beliefs maybe align with Islam (not saying that if you're not Muslim, you're horrible, that is not what I meant at all). And if the opinion between people differs, there's always logic and reasoning behind every rule that is presented in the Quran. Don't believe me? Here's the verse that tells people not to blindly follow their parents' religion. And here's a list of verses about critical thinking.

The reason we (atleast reformist Muslims) submit to God is because we questioned it, we came to the conclusion that Hey! This is right. I can submit to my Creator by, who is basically the consciousness that created everything and is the source of all goodness, love and strength, because the rules mentioned here make sense and they privde a moral framework for me to base important desicions on. They feel right. And there is logic behind everything written in this.

I don't mean to present Islam as an all-perfect amazing religion everyone should believe and that I'm right, everyone else, especially those liberal atheists who criticise my religion are wrong and WILL BURN IN HELL. I consider Islam a perfect moral framework, and that's my business only. Anyone can follow what they want and it's none of my business. In fact there is no compulsion in religion at all, and people who say Muslim or go to hell are wrong imo.

What I intended was to paint a picture of reformist Muslims who are still out there, who follow the religion because they questioned it. And not the religion as this stringent rule book we all have to follow down to a t, micromanaging every aspect of our lives and living in perpetual fear of hell, but rather this basic moral guide that teaches us tact, compassion and justice, to bring us closer to God spiritually. I wanted to show that the majority isn't always reflective of what I think is the true core of Islam.

I feel that many practises in the name of Islam are highly questionable and should be criticized, but I also want people to know that the people who seemingly represent the religion, are not representative of the entire mass of believers. That sometimes the practises you might criticize might have nothing to do with the actual religion, atleast according to some of us. It was also for fellow Muslims who might be in the same place I was a few years ago, questioning everything I had learnt was part of my religion.

This is also NOT to undermine struggles of people forced to follow Islam and its seeming requirements like hijab. This is not to claim that nope, every Muslim is fine and ok, and we're all peaceful progressive people. In fact I wish to do the exact opposite, to show that people who enforce oppressive policies in the name of Islam aren't actually backed by the religion and neither should they be backed by other Muslims. I'm also not trying to say no one should criticize Islam. Criticism helps us grow. Criticism is necessary to uncover oppression and eradicate it. So by all means, criticize.

I'm so glad I found the subreddit r/progressive_Islam when I did because it helped me a lot, and opened me to other like-minded progressive Muslims, who actively hope to counter the negative effects of Salafism and conservatism that is overtaking Islam.

So yeah, I think I covered almost everything I wanted to talk about and here's a final link that pretty much just states my position on things.

PS idk why this thingy is in different colours it just seemed cooler and less boring to read

#religion #islamicpost #radfem #gender critical #muslim #progressive #change #critical thinking #sexism #feminism #feminist #allies #humanity #extremism #womenempowerment #freewomen #headcovering #mine

[amphxtrite]

cedric diggory x fem!reader

part one: Never Let You Go. (smut)

warnings: mentions of smut (but not actually smut), swearing, spelling/ grammar mistakes.

summary: Life with Cedric leading up to your graduation is pretty normal, except for the fact you hide the fact that you’re dating. With amortentia, avoiding practice for cuddles and a graduation dance coming up, how long can this relationship stay a secret.

a/n: thank you to the wonderful @mullthingsoverinthehotwater for this idea and all the help! She’s amazing go check her out!!

word count: 3.4k

tag list:@cupidpoison @wonderful-writer @coldlilheart @inglourious-imagines @evisbored @mayaleon0614 @dogsandrocketsocks

enjoy <3

__________________________________________

Waking up in the arms of a lover is the most ethereal feeling you could imagine, a safe feeling, so comfortable and warm, even with the slight pain that poked at you when you tried to move your legs.

As you lay next to Cedric the sun rose through the clouds and casted an angelic glow on the hufflepuff’s sculpted face, it almost felt like you were in the presence of something divine, and just as mortals were in tales of of the gods, you were curious and wished to touch the miraculous boy before you. Tracing his jawline and pink lips a smile grows before he begins to stir and a light sigh rings as he awakes.

“Good morning love.” He yawns, his raspy morning voice bringing butterflies to your stomach. “What are you doing?” He smirks looking at your thumb tracing his cheek.

“Just admiring you darling.” You giggle leaning over to press a chaste kiss to the brunette’s lips. Cedric chuckles and pulls you closer against his chest, burying his face in your neck and sighing at your sweet scent.

“We should probably get you back to your room darling, we still have class today and I’d hate to make you late.” The gray-eyed boy smirks a bit, pressing a kiss to your nose before sitting upright on the bed. “Alright.” You yawn, rubbing your eyes to get the sleep out before standing and walking towards the door, pausing when a thought crosses your mind.

“H-Hey do you mind if we keep this between us for now?” You start, a little nervous. ”I don’t think I can take any gossip right now, and I can’t have the school knowing I’m shagging the dreamiest boy at Hogwarts, they’ll hate me!” You finish with a light laugh.

Cedric can’t help but chuckle at your cheeky comment, walking over to peck your cheek before whispering. “Of course love, whenever you’re ready.”

__________

Learning magic at Hogwarts was a dream come true for you; Charms and Transfiguration were marvellous and fascinating. Defence Against the Dark Arts and History of Magic were interesting and fun, but your favourite class, by far, was potions. Despite the potion master’s snide comments and constant eye rolls, brewing concoctions that had the properties to create and destroy was an amazing feeling. A potion has the ability to heal things even the most powerful charms cannot, they can change your form without the need to transfigure, and even break the fates to bring luck to anyone, and in that class you had the ability to do it all.

“Today, we will be brewing a very famous potion, and a very difficult one at that.” Professor Snape’s usual drone begins at the beginning of the lesson.

“Now since you are the NEWT class, I expect absolute perfection, I will write the instructions on the board and you can brew and figure out the identity of the potion with your partner. Begin.”

Excitement bubbles in you as you begin to jot down the information. You and your partner gather your supplies and begin to cut, mix and sprinkle your ingredients into the cauldron.

The distinct smell of wood combined with freshly cleaned laundry and fresh air soon floods your nose and it was as though you were on cloud nine, the scent brought a calmness to you, a safe feeling; the person connected to it was just on the tip of your tongue. A wood like aftershave, clean clothes that had swallowed you whole and the type of air only a seeker gets flying after a snitch.

Cedric peers over to you across the classroom to see you smiling at your cauldron, a dopey smile on your face. He cocks his eye brow in confusion, but as he adds the finishing touches to the bubbling liquid he immediately understands. He’s instantly transported to your arms, the scent of your intoxicating shampoo surrounding every inch of him along with chocolate and a hint of that strawberry chapstick he tasted on your lips while ravaging you in the shower. A blush immediately floods the hufflepuff’s cheeks, and suddenly his pants get a little tight.

“Mr. Diggory, since it’s quite… Obvious, you smell the amortentia. Tell us what your aroma is.”

Hoping Snape isn’t implying the tent in his pants, Cedric slaps on a small grin.

“Sweet shampoo, chocolate and strawberry chapstick sir.” He manages to nod, as Snape raises an eyebrow. “Intriguing. Miss l/n and Miss Macavoy, you were first to finish, what do you smell?”

Your partner, Heidi Macavoy’s face lights up. “Fresh parchment, Honeydukes, and broom polish.” Snape nods, looking over to you.

“I smell aftershave, clean laundry and fresh air sir.” Your eyebrows furrow for a moment when it finally hits you. There was only one person that fit that scent, in fact the only aftershave you’ve ever smelt. Cedric. Your smile widens.

The professor nods with a sigh, folding his arms and walking back to the blackboard to write. “Amortentia is the most powerful love potion in the world. Now, I would like you to write a paper on the properties of amortentia and how each ingredient factors into giving the potion it’s unique qualities. The rest of class will be for finishing your potions and starting your writing...” Snape concludes the lesson.

__________

Months pass and everyday grows closer to your graduation. Your relationship with Cedric is kept quiet, but you manage to steal kisses in dark corridors and meet in the night. Oftentimes you spend evenings in the prefect’s shower, using the sound of running water to hide desperate moans and dirty actions, but it still gets hard to remember in public you’re only friends.

Cedric adores teasing you in public, running his hand up and down your thigh underneath the table and flirting insufferably with you everyday.

“Well hello there gorgeous, where are you off to today?” He’d tease every morning.

“Oh shut it Diggory.” You’d sigh as Cedric leaned closer to your ear.

“That’s quite hypocritical to the person screaming my name last night.”

Leaving you a flushed mess for the rest of the morning. Cedric respected your want to keep the relationship a secret, he knew he was popular as it is, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t have fun with you. He loved it when you gave him the warning glare if he ever tried his luck in public, and the blush he left after teasing you brought a huge smirk to his face every time. And any chance he got, whether alone or in public, he loved to bring up your amortentia.

“Aftershave, laundry and fresh air huh?” He’d grin down to you, a playful look in his eyes. “Oh Merlin here we go again.” You’d sigh, readying yourself for the cheeky comments.

“Sounds like you smelled the dreamiest boy at Hogwarts!”

__________

The Winter snow took over the Autumn leaves and Hogwarts became a winter wonderland, sweaters were swapped with cloaks, runners became boots and scarfs covered the necks of each student in the school. Unless you were a quidditch player. The captains of each team were still determined to win the quidditch cup, and Cedric was no exception. Everyday was filled with drills, plays and scrimmages that left your muscles sore and your nose frozen from the winter cold. Cedric left no time to stare at the falling snow and each practice somehow left the team shivering and sweating all together.

You couldn’t blame each of the captains for wanting to earn the cup and lead their house to victory, but when Cedric went captain mode it seriously made it seem like you were going to be stuck by your goal post for the rest of the winter.

“Ced, it’s blizzarding outside.” You sigh as the brunette began pulling on his uniform.

“Can we please just take today off? We’ve trained everyday for the past 3 weeks!” Cedric seems to hesitate. “I-I know love, but-“

“Cedric, you know you’re overworking yourself, c’mon let’s just take today off alright?” You stick your bottom lips out in a pout and make grabby hands towards the tall hufflepuff.

“Alright love, because you asked so nicely.” He smirks and collapses back into your arms. He wouldn’t admit it, but you were right, his hands still ached from holding the broom too tight and Merlin were his feet cold. You smile before relaxing into your darling’s arms.

__________

As Winter shifted to spring, the subject of graduation became of the utmost importance.

“Graduating class! As you know at each graduation ceremony there is a ball and banquet. I expect proper behaviour, and represent hufflepuff well. It was a pleasure having you here with us.”

Professor Sprout’s speech comes to an end as the graduating students of hufflepuff cheered and applauded their head of house.

“Are we allowed to bring dates to the ball? A person not the fruit I mean.” Another student calls to Sprout as a couple kids laugh. “Of course! You can bring any of the graduating class, of any house, with you.” The short professor smiles and turns to chat with a girl.

Cedric immediately turns to find you in the crowd, smiling excitedly at you, only to see a worried expression on your face.

“Are you alright?” He asks, walking closer to check on you.

“Can we talk a sec?” You pull the Head boy by the arm to a deserted area, away from prying eyes and take a deep breath.

“Cedric, I really want to go to this ball with you, but I'm nervous about what people would think of me.” You begin cracking your knuckles in an anxious manner, biting on your lips as everything that could go wrong plagues your mind.

“Darling.” Cedric smiles and takes your hands into his. “Who cares what people say? I’d be honoured to have you by my side. If you’ll have me that is.” Cedric looks around for anyone before falling to his knee and kissing your hand. “Y/n, I absolutely adore you, and I could not care less what little minded people have to say. Accompany me to the ball?” The hufflepuff’s eyes fill with hope and love and you knew then, he was right. Cedric was your sunshine and no one could take him away from you.

“Yes Cedric! Yes I’ll go to the ball with you.”

__________

It was decided the two of you would show up together at the ball to ‘announce’ your relationship, but until then you’d stay on the down low.

It was hard seeing girl after girl walk up to Cedric with hope in their eyes only to be rejected in the nicest way possible. You were happy Cedric was yours, but some of these girls were gorgeous and sweet and it made you want to hide your face when they’d walk away dejected; although a small part of your brain jumped for joy when Cedric would discreetly look at you and wink after each confession. As each day grew warmer, so did your heart. Excitement flourished and each day held pure joy that you were one step closer to a future with Cedric.

__________

The Hogsmeade weekend before the graduation ceremony finally arrived and just like most of the graduates you rushed to find the perfect outfit before everything was gone. There were quite a few clothing shops at the village, but your favourite was the small shop towards the end of the street. A small business run by a mum and her family. You enter the shop and the smell of cinnamon and sugar greets you.

“Y/n!” Two little voices call out and two young girls make a beeline for you.

“How are my two little princesses?” You giggle, kneeling down to their level to wrap the small children in your arms.

Coming to the shop often helped you grow close to the family in charge, they were so kind and always had exactly what you were looking for.

“Where’s your mum kiddos?” You ask just as Melina, the owner and mum of the two girls, comes rushing towards you.

“Good to see you y/n dear, now you two run along while I help our little graduate.” She smiles at the girls who hug you one last time before running off to find something to play with.

“Looking for a dress i’m guessing?” Melina laughs and begins walking towards a shelf in the back. “You know me too well Mellie.” You smirk, trailing behind the brunette. Mellie brings her finger to her chin as she begins searching, her eyes full of concentration, shifting to success as she pulls a f/c gown from the rack.

“I knew this day was coming, so I made this dress especially for you.” She grins, holding the dress out to you.

Immediately you wrap your arms around her, and thank her like your life depended on it. This was by far one of the most thoughtful things someone had done for you, and it made you emotional. With small tears running down your face you pull back. “Thank you so much Mellie, it’s gorgeous.”

You giddily run for the change room and pull yourself into the gown. The f/c contrasts your skin beautifully and the shape accentuates your curves, bringing out a newfound confidence and you find yourself admiring yourself. Twirling, laughing and picturing yourself dancing with Cedric.

Despite her insisting it was a gift, you press the galleons for the full price into her hand, hugging her and the kids one last time before walking out of the store, dress in your arms. You stop at Honeydukes for a treat before making the trip back to the castle.

__________

Cedric wanted to make sure he was dressed appropriately for the ceremony, and his suit from last year just wasn’t going to cut it. He scourges every clothing shop in the Hogsmeade vicinity only to be met with empty shelves or nothing in his size. He’s about to give up and wear his old suit when a small shop catches his eye.

“Worth a shot.” He murmurs before pushing open the door. “Hello, I’m looking for a suit.” He greets the woman at the front.

“Oh you must be graduating as well. I’m Melina, please follow me.” She gives the brunette a warm, motherly smile before leading him to a rack.

“I just had a girl come in for her graduation outfit as well. Do you know y/n?”

Cedric let’s his smile shine through when your name is mentioned and turns to Melina.

“I do actually, I’m the lucky guy who gets to go to the ball with her.”

Melina’s eyes light up and she immediately rushes towards a suit towards the end of the aisle.

“Perfect, I had a lot of extra fabric when I made her dress, so I tailored a suit to go with it.” She rushes towards Cedric, pulling a tape measure from her apron pocket. Cedric raises his arms and allows the woman to take his measurements, an excited smile gracing his face.

“It’ll be a little tight in the chest, but other than that it’s a perfect fit!”

Melina quickly pushes Cedric into a change room and the brunette shrugs on the dress shirt and jacket before pulling on the pants and the cape-like overcoat. He nodded to himself in the mirror. This was perfect and he knew you’d love to see him in your favourite colour.

__________

The night of your graduation ceremony arrived and every seventh year was preparing themselves for the night ahead. Some were fretting over hair and makeup while others were content with just showing up and having fun. You were in your room with a couple of your friends, helping each other with outfits and makeup.

“Hold still Sebastian, I'm almost done with the eyeliner!” You scold the blonde as he fiddles with his fingers. “Sorry, sorry, I’m just ticklish.”

You smile and feel a tug on your scalp.

“Gently Heids, you’re gonna rip out my hair.”

Everyone began to laugh and slowly but surely you all got dressed and prepared for the long night ahead. You slowly make your way to the great hall, arms linked with your friends and laughs ringing from everyone. Once at the doors you split up in search of your dates. You spot Cedric’s mop of brown curls and quickly make you way closer to him.

“Nice suit.” You smile and turn back to your date, smiling at the colour choice and design.

“Thanks I got it from Melina.” He grins proudly, pulling a corsage from behind his back and clasping it around your wrist.

“No wonder we’re matching!” You laugh and move your wrist around admiring the flowers. Cedric smiles as he takes in your dress, thanking his lucky stars for whatever he did to deserve such an angel like you.

“Well, you ready milady?” Cedric grins offering his arm to you. “As I’ll ever be milord.”

You take in a deep breath and push open the doors to the hall.

Bright lights flood your vision and happy cheers sound in your ears, people laughing, dancing and drinking, and overall having a great time. Your face lights up and you begin to pull Cedric faster through the room. There were quite a few eyes staring in your direction. Emotions ranging from envy, sadness, disbelief and awe were all noticed when you stepped inside with the Hogwarts Champion, golden student and Head boy on your arm. You could hear whispers claiming you to be fake, an attention seeker or whore, and a frown begins to tug at your lips. Cedric takes notice and quickly wraps you into his arms gazing at you with love filled eyes as everyone else fades away. The anxiety and disappointment evaporates and soon it was just you and Cedric swaying in the middle of the dance floor. Many of your friends shoot you thumbs ups and congratulated the two of you, but all you could focus on was the gray eyes that pulled you into a trance. When the two of you glided across the hall you could’ve exploded with happiness, Cedric ignored even his best mates just to keep on dancing with you. His eyes were glued to you and only you as your face lit up and your eyes shone like stars. He was reminded of the Yule Ball from last year and how he awkwardly danced with you, trying not to look directly into your eyes in fear of getting lost and tripping up.

If his past self could see him now Cedric was sure his mouth would be agape with an unshakable grin. the brunette kept on pinching himself just to make sure you were really in his arms looking into his eyes as if he was your world. It got to the point he couldn’t help but pull you into him and dip you into a low kiss.

So much had happened in just a couple days. He’d won a quidditch game and your affection, he made love to you in a shower, cuddled you in his bed, and smelled you in his amortentia. And while all those things were amazing, he didn’t need one more hint you were the one for him. He had fallen in love with you, and when he looked to the future, the only one he could see by his side was you; In front of him when he knelt to propose, Beside him in a white dress and a veil, holding your children in your arms and growing gray and old with him. His silver eyes found themselves tearing up as he deepened the kiss and held you there in place. The sound of whooping and groaning drowned out, and you smiled into the sentimental kiss, cupping the hufflepuff’s cheek in your hand as you wiped away his tears.

“I love you y/n, so much.” Cedric murmurs against your lips, trying to hold back his tears as you stood so beautifully before him, drying his tears and smiling that perfect smile.

“I love you too Cedric, more than you’ll ever know.” you respond adoringly.

The ceremony began and every student cried in joy at the fact they were now graduates of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

You held onto Cedric’s hand all night and as the party came to an end, you toasted to the night and all the bright days ahead.

With the newfound freedom to just be a couple, Cedric pulls you away from the dance early and with a laugh, leads you to his dorm and places you onto his bed. The rest of the evening was dedicated to your sinful thoughts and desires as lust broke free.

No one saw you for the rest of the night.

#cedric diggory #harry potter imagine #cedric diggory imagine #cedric diggory x reader #cedric diggory fluff #cedric x y/n #cedric x you #cedricsbrowncurls #cedric diggory fanfiction #fanfic #hogwarts #part 2

[marshmallowprotection]

Saeran’s Diary

Spoilers for Saeran’s Diary. It’s within the Special Believer package. Not all of the pages are here. I’ve compiled the ones that looked the most note-worthy to talk about but I will summaries and talk about everything in this post. 

Okay, so Spoilers Ahead, read at your own caution. It’s Spoilers for Another Story, V Route, Ray Route, and the After Ending. 

Saeran introduces himself to the diary even though he has no idea how to use one of these. Saeyoung got it from the Cathedral. His brother tells him that if he can’t think of anything to write, he could draw instead. Saeran spends a lot of his time drawing out things on the pages just as much as he spends talking about this or that. His handwriting is rather clumsy and messy, much more so than what a child his age would have. 

However, he’s not in school and he’s roughly only been able to learn a few rudimentary things thanks to his brother. 

Saeyoung spends a lot of time at the cathedral. He’s been taking countless notes in his books. He’s literally been coping things to learn from the books that he can get his hands on. He’s got four of them, as far as Saeran knows. He has some of Saeyoung’s notes in his journal because he asked him what he was writing about all the time. He’s perplexed, saying that those coding notes look like they’re... 

Puzzles? 

He doesn’t know. 

Saeyoung takes him out for ice cream, and we can assume that’s when they made the promise on their ice cream to always be there for each other, knowing that there will be one day that they can escape together. You know, the one from Ray Route where we’re treated to their promise on twin-popsicles. It seems like Saeran is alone more and more often though. He’s spending so much time at the church.

There’s one day where he and Saeyoung are out that someone suspicious sees the two of them. Saeyoung gets them out of dodge, but it continues to haunt his mind for a while. He draws something really stark imagery. Then, Saeyoung is all of a sudden gone. He’s gone. Their mother demands that he find him but he cannot find him. He’s panicking. He thinks that maybe that man took his twin away and he may never come back. 

He’s so alone. 

He’s so scared. 

He’s begging for someone to come and get him. He’s still fairly young here and out of sorts, but his emotions are rapidly increasing the longer that he’s alone in that house. Until one day, something changes. 

V and Rika come to take him to the cathedral more and more often. He’s spending a good amount of his time there because the two of them managed to convince Mother Choi that it was a good idea. Saeran has no idea how they did it or why they did it. He just knows that this is the place that Saeyoung went to once and that maybe he’ll be able to find him there? Then he talks about how he may be able to find him. Twin’s intuition? 

That plays into the theme of the After Ending. How Saeran and Saeyoung can seemingly feel the other is alive, or that they’re okay. I think that’s kind of a really sweet thing to tie in like that. It’s like they’re connected when they’re not actually connected, and I don’t know if I’ll ever understand that connection since I’m not a twin but it stands out to me since Saeran is so hopeful for his brother again. 

He spends more time in the sun and it feels good. He wishes Saeyoung was here. It’d be nice if they could live somewhere nice like this... where he could see the sun all the time. V said to him that Saeyoung was okay, he had a strong feeling about it. Saeran doesn’t know how to feel about that. He thinks it’s okay but... he wishes that Saeyoung would find him first. He’s him and I’m him, that’s what he says. 

So, can’t they reach for one another...? 

Saeran starts to spend all his time going to classes and learning things at the cathedral. He’s learning how to focus on his work, how to bake, and how to get his head in the right place for things that he’s enjoy. Like, for example, he talks about how his plan for the future would be to have an ice cream store not far from his house as he stays with Saeyoung. He really writes down recipes and his trial and errors. It’s so cute. 

V gifts him a book about flowers and a good chunk of his diary is spent talking about them. He lists his favorites and some that stand out to him. There’s a photo that V took of him in the garden that you’ve likely seen before as he holds tightly to them with a smile. He talks about the life cycle of flowers as he tries to figure them out. He’s really thoughtful and spends an awful amount of time trying to learn how something so little makes something so big! 

I did not know that Rika and V had their own flowers. I’ve talked about these bookmarks before for Saeran and Saeyoung. 

Geranium can be a wish for good health, hope that you pray that the other person will someday feel better and find peace. It makes sense that that is for Saeran because he was a young and sickly child for such a very long time, and this was a gift that said, we pray for you and you will grow to be a bigger flower in due time. You will not wilt and you will grow until you blossom into something that is lovely. 

Rhododendron can be a sign of optimism, the hope that you have that the future ahead will be great. It makes sense that that was gifted to Saeyoung because he is the one that hinges on the hope that one day, he can save his brother and be sure that they are both free from their chains that have kept them down. This is a gift that says, never lose hope in yourself and those that you love when it feels like the end of coming. 

Narcissus means rebirth and renewal because it's one of the earliest bulbs to sprout. We all know the story. Unable to look away from the water, Narcissus grew tired, fell into the stream, and drowned. Rika’s suicide is implied to be her falling from the edge of a cliffside and falling into the water down below. It’s their way of symbolism her final rebirth into someone finally relishing in her cruelty and devil to it’s fullest form. 

Another popular story in mythology, Rhodanthe was someone so beautiful that people wouldn’t leave her alone. They were always at her heels and begging for her love. She turned them all down and grew so tired of them that she retreated and ran away to the Temple of Diana. Those suitors just wouldn’t quit, though, and because of that Diana decided to turn Rhodanthe in a rose and all of the suitors into the thorns of the flower. The implication here is that V and Rika are twisted together in a dangerous path, but it’s hard to tell who is the rose and who is the thorns here. Interesting. 

Here we go, huh? Rika gifts Saeran a book that she claims is the same one that his brother was reading. Saeran wants to be closer to him so he starts to learn and study what he can. He knows that he hid Saeyoung’s books for him so he has to get those from the house and he wants to use them to know more about who his brother is. It’s kind of hard, even Saeran claims that he’s struggling in all of this learning because it’s so much!

But, he says he can do it. 

He’ll do it for Saeyoung. 

We know why Rika is doing this, and we know where this is heading but I’m kind of like: I really don’t want to see how tortured my boy is about to be by this damn woman again. I continue onward to see how Saeran progressively learns as much as humanly possible as fast as he can. Okay, oh boy, he writes that he snuck out late at night to go to cathedral and nobody is usually there, but Rika was there tonight. 

He was perplexed by why she was looking at the wall of photos that contained each child that attended the church and did their studies there. He says that it felt wrong. He felt like he couldn’t speak. Something felt twisted and wrong in his chest but he stayed. He’s not even spending a lot of time with V and Rika at the cathedral up until this point. They just check on him now and again... until now, Rika seems to be more forward. 

She’s been giving him extra lessons and things to do. 

“It looked like she wanted to tell me something.” 

She didn’t though. 

Here’s one continuity error, though. Saeran knows that his mother passed away and she even had a funeral in this diary. He said that nobody came. Not their father, not their brother, nobody. There was nobody in the world to come for his mother’s passing but him and V and Rika. It’s just him and Saeyoung. His twin isn’t there but this is his only family. His only family. He missed his brother. He wishes he was there. 

He knows that his mother is dead but he doesn’t know how she died. I’m bit confused on that front. I’ll go and glance at his speech during the AE to know if it’s an error or not. Okay, so, they imply that Mother Choi never got a proper funeral. I think that means that you know, the one that Saeran held as a child wasn’t a real one by any meaning. It’s just a small ceremony. 

I almost want to say that the fucking trauma of Mint Eye destroyed more and more of his memory as a young child because it implies also in this diary that he does talk to some of the others at the cathedral sometimes, but not often. 

So, it could be an error, or it’s literally that the specific memory of that time at the cathedral isn’t accessible to him. It makes sense, though. Ray and Suit held a lot of their own memories and it feels like there’s other pieces that they’re missing in their lives. It still doesn’t take away from the fact that Saeran didn’t know how she died. Or that Rika burned the house down with V. 

Or that they both hid the fucking body. 

This is just the one thing of interest in the diary that doesn’t make sense unless I apply my theory that he cannot remember that incident. Either way, he makes a prayer to God about Saeyoung on the page after that. He says that he wants to be strong. He wants to be as strong as Saeyoung. Let him have that. 

Rika tricks him not long after this. “Come and meet me late at night. I want to give V a surprise.” He’s noticed that the two of them have been having a really difficult time lately, he thought they weren’t on good terms since they weren’t visiting together. This is literally after the trauma of the murder, self-defense or not, they had to remove a body and worse. 

That added to how bad their relationship already was. This was Rika’s turning point, after all. Saeran’s a child. He just thinks they’re going to make up and get better? He wants to help them because they helped him. 

But this is a trick. 

He spoke to Rika that briefly and then he went home. Someone grabbed him, and before he could fight, he was taken off the streets. It wasn’t Rika, but my money says that it was someone working for her to do the dirty work. He has no clue it’s Rika or anything for a while. He’s locked in a dark room. There’s not a lot in it but it seems like it was prepared for someone to stay in it. He’s scared, they leave him there. He banged on the door over and over, but nobody would listen to him. 

Days pass. 

He’s left with some notes about Mint Eye to read that make no sense to him but he’s trying to understand what they mean. How long is he going to be stuck in a room like this? Nothing makes sense! He gets fed every day, and he thinks that is okay. 

He’s trapped but he has food. It’s not so bad.. right? 

Nobody came to see him until the fourth day. He was taken away to what we can presume is the basement. He doesn’t know what’s happening here, but he just stares, slack-jawed at Rika in the basement as he lifts his head. 

She’s wearing a mask.

But, there’s no doubt. 

It’s Rika. 

He begged for answers but she would barely tell him what was happening in this place. She just says that V is a traitor and a liar to him. She said that he should call her his Savior. By the 11th day, they’re literally drugging through the food as time passes. He says that things don’t taste right but I know what that means as it’s the easiest way to poison someone over time.

I imagine that this is slowly happening as they’re starting to torture him with the elixir outright not long after this. 

He’s clearly confused and losing time the more that he tries to think because these are written on snippets as he’s trying to make sense of what’s going on around him. He’s hurting. He’s in pain. Nothing makes sense and he’s having a hard time dealing with being awake and eating these days. It just gets worse and worse as time passes for him. 

I don’t think I have to explain what this looks like: 

He’s literally terrified out of his fucking mind. He’s not able to focus and this is a point in the timeline where Ray takes control of the situation. Saeran cannot be awake anymore and Ray wakes up. This child has suffered enough already and Ray needs to be here to do this. His anger... his confusion. It’s played out in front of us as he loses himself and Ray takes control of everything that’s going on from now on. 

This is where the scraps end and Ray’s official diary begins. 

Yeah, this is actually a portion of the diary that I’ve seen before. It’s that proof that Rika is the one that dressed Ray. He would prefer to wear dark things but she says that he’s not good enough. He feels gloomy, he would have preferred something gloomy but Rika said no. Her reasoning is that he’s not strong and he needs to wear something vibrant to feel stronger. 

To feel more needed. 

He isn’t sure how to feel about that. He just says that Savior knows best and this is okay. I love his outfit but I know that’s uneasy about it. His gloves are rather tight on his hands so they can keep him from overextending his fingers and not get them to lock or have fractures from working so hard. He’s typing at a speed that not even I can manage so. 

He needs the support. 

No gloves slander about Ray, I know they’re half-gloves and bother some of you but it suits him. And, not to gush about Ray but there’s just so much Ray in this portion of the diary and you know I’m a massive Ray fan. Rika forces hm to do all of the security work. He spends like a week trying to make the system better but he’s hardly sleeping to do it. He’s the one that made the card system, as well, for both Rika and for others. 

He’s the one that grants access to anyone that is a believer. 

Certain people have certain powers. Rika can go anywhere, he can go to some places, and others... limited access. She “gifts” him the often of being able to help design the garden. He does pick a handful of flowers that he thinks are nice to decorate the garden and it’s the one thing that actually makes him feel good in comparison to security hell.

Though, we start to see him planning for the RFA Messenger as well. That’s not looking really good. Rika tells him what they’re going to be doing and that they have a grand plan that she needs him for. He’s so desperate for someone to see him and give him affection that he’s willing to fall to her feet and cry. He doesn’t know if he deserves this chance. He beats himself up over and over about it but takes it. 

He can’t say no to Rika. 

He’s literally crying because she told him that she wants him to do something for her. I’m not a vicious person but if given the chance, I would slap Rika one good time. I just need one time. I realize violence doesn’t solve anything, but I don’t know if I could hold myself back if I saw her treating him like this. 

It’s just not okay and I can’t stand it. No matter how you feel about Rika, when you read and see shit like this, you get angry at her for what she’s done to this child. Saeran was a child. 

He was a child who trusted her and V. 

Goddammit. 

He was a CHILD. 

He’s sleeping three hours. Max. That’s not okay. He’s chugging caffeine pills like they’re Tic-Tacs. Ray, honey, baby, darling, they’re not Tic-Tacs. That’s not okay at all. It’s actually blotted out. I don’t know what he’s eating. I don’t know how many he’s eating. I knew that he was popping like them candy to stay up and at his desk, but Jesus Christ, Ray. The space implies that it’s a high number, it could be double-digits. 

If it’s more than 15, I don’t know what I’m going to do. 

He’s not even eating right. Food that’s easy to eat. Okay, that’s why he eats chocolate most of the time. He’s eating snack foods when he’s eating and only using real food if he has time. [He never has time. It makes me want to cry as I read it because I wanted to grab him by the wrist and ask him to stay during the meals because I don’t really eat more than what a toddler eats due to my health and he could have the rest. He needs it.]

I love this guy, but I can see his suffering here. 

I don’t know if you’ve seen this but he ranks the RFA on a sliding scale of how tough they are to defeat and how easy they are to defeat. Seven and V have the strongest list. V is to be captured alive and that you have to be cautious so he doesn’t trick you.

Seven is “No need. Discard.”

I have to ask Ray what the hell a “honey trap” is though, as far as Zen goes in his explaination. Does that mean that Ray is saying “If there’s a pretty honey, he’ll fall to his knees?” RAY? 

RAY????? 

RAY??????????????

Jumin: Attack social status. Just take his fucking cat. 

Yoosung: Rika. Just use Rika information or threaten his family. 

Jaehee: Break C&R. If it or Jumin falls, she’s easy. Not sure. 

Oh, and there’s actually recipes in his portion of the diary as well. He has a lot of sweet things listed and God, he would get me. He literally makes notes about a tester in this. He has to jot down who would be a good idea and how he could ensure their happiness. He says that he’s not as good as the chef in Mint Eye but he wants to be good enough.

So, he actually tries to learn how to make things for us. He failed at making ice cream. He made some progress at brunch and he tried to make some cake but it wasn’t quite up to par yet. He notes his mistakes and says that he’ll keep trying to learn for the tester. So, that’s how he’s spending his six months. 

His final note in this journal is hopeful of the tester. He’s got everything as it needs to be but he needs his tester to come to him. He hopes they’re a good person but he doesn’t know how to interact with them. He wonders how he should start talking to them, anyway. How do you talk to people on the outside? He doesn’t know... maybe an introduction? 

Should he greet you? 

Should he try harder? 

He really fixates on how to say hi to you. 

He decides simple is good. 

“Hello! My name is Ray.” 

And if you turn the page, you’re smacked with that photo and my knees just went a little weak. Oh boy, honey, darling, I love you. I’m sorry that you’ve suffered so much but it’s okay. I’m here! We’ll get out of this place together soon. All and all, this was a solid read that gave me a lot more perspective on my boy. There’s still a bit of information in Rika’s Diary, to be honest. But this stood out more to me here. 

#saeran's diary #saeran #saeran choi #choi saeran #mm #mystic messenger #mysticmessenger #mysme #saeran mm #saeran mysme #saeran mystic messenger #mystic messenger saeran #mm saeran #mysme saeran #ray choi #choi ray #mystic messenger ray #mysme ray #mm ray #ray mm #ray mysme #ray mystic messenger #saeran ray #mod kait #Kait Reacts To The AE #SaeranAfterEnding

[the-big-nope]

Since “the campaign is ending soon” declarations are flying around again, here’s a list of hanging plot threads that indicate why that’s probably not the case.

(For organization’s sake, the points are separated by Major Plots (plot threads that would probably consist of around 10-15 episodes per arc, if not longer), Lesser Plots (smaller scale elements that could be resolved in 1-3 episodes), and Speculative (stuff that isn’t a guarantee but I’ve got hunches about).

Major Plots

1. The Eyes of Nine/Nonagon/Eiselcross plot the M9 are currently pursuing. I can understand to a degree why people are getting endgame vibes off of this (Matt’s been foreshadowing it since the beginning, it certainly feels big enough to be the climactic threat), but just learning about the threat doesn’t necessarily mean it’s set to trigger the endgame. Vox Machina found out about Vecna way back in the Briarwood arc, and that didn’t become an active concern until way later.

2. Taking on the Cerberus Assembly. Less world-altering in its urgency or danger, but I would be very shocked if this wasn’t addressed and resolved in some way before the campaign is over. Cleaning up the empire has been a stated personal goal for both Beau and Caleb for some time now. The NPCs most tied to Caleb’s backstory are here, and Caleb’s arc probably wouldn’t feel complete without some kind of resolution with those three characters. Additionally, the Cerberus Assembly is emblematic of the moral grayness and corruption of power themes that have pervaded this campaign. Matt’s made it a point to have several NPCs talk about how “the outward war may be over but the conflict goes on,” or “things are the way they are so why bother trying to change them.” That idea of fighting a corrupt status quo despite tradition and historical precedent trying to tell you “that’s just how things are” seems to be a story Matt’s trying to engage the characters in, and regardless of the outcome they’ll get from it, I feel like it’s going to come up at some point, and the Cerberus Assembly seems like the best means of exploring it.

3. Fjord, Uk’otoa, and the other Titans. Yeah, it’s kinda vital that Fjord and the others find some permanent way to resolve this, because I don’t think there’s any way of properly concluding Fjord’s story without it. Fjord’s never going to be content hiding on land for the rest of his life with the key; he swore the Oath of the Open Seas, and he loves the ocean despite all the dangers it’s thrown at him. He’s never going to be free to embrace who he is and who he really wants to be as long as Uk’otoa stands in the way. On top of that, though this is kinda speculative and not guaranteed to become relevant to this campaign, there are the other titan creatures that were depicted on the temple walls alongside Uk’otoa on Urukayxl. I don’t want to go into too much detail about those because EGTW spoilers, but given the prevailing theme of both ‘nine’ and ‘eyes,’ with nine total eye-shaped keys needed to free these three beings, as well as the foreshadowing circus performance Matt narrated in the first episode, they might well be tied into the greater plot that seems to be unfolding in Eiselcross.

Lesser Plots

1. Essek. Love him or hate him, Essek has ingrained himself as one of the primary NPCs of this campaign. He’s played a major role in the events of the story, he’s informed the arcs of several of the PCs, and formed reasonably strong bonds with a few of them. Seeing some kind of resolution with him, whether he takes the M9′s second chance to heart or wades right back into making the same mistakes, seeing where he lands in the end would be quite a shame to miss.

2. Zuala’s Grave and Yasha’s Tribe. This might be more in speculative territory, because it’s absolutely possible Yasha could decide that chapter of her life is closed for good, and she’s found all the healing she needs with the M9. However, her love for Zuala is strong enough that I believe she’d want to have that last, proper farewell, even if she has healed enough to move on with her life, and closing in that final gap in her memory might be too alluring to ignore.

Speculative

1. Tharizdun. I put this in speculative because even though Tharizdun is a big deal, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s going to be making a return appearance. Vox Machina came across several references to and artifacts of Orcus, but never encountered him during the campaign. However, since he was tied directly to Yasha’s backstory, and Matt made a point of explaining that Tharizdun and the Luxon are similar but antithetical entities that might be closely related, I’m not counting him out of the race yet (or the Luxon either if I’m being honest, I just have less to go off of with that one).

2. Molaesmyr. Am I the only one that thinks Cad’s personal plot isn’t as wrapped up as it appears? I could see the transformed residuum acting as protection for just the Blooming Grove, but I highly doubt it’s going to cure the whole Savalierwood. Whether that’s going to be resolved by the M9 or not, I don’t know, but considering that A) what I said above, B) Ludinus Da’leth originally came from Molaesmyr, and C) this was where Star Razor was sundered, there are enough points of connection that I don’t quite trust it to sit quietly and not make any trouble.

With all of that to consider, not to mention any other side quests, personal plot beats, and other unexpected twists we cannot yet predict, I think we’ve got a good while yet before we say goodbye to the Mighty Nein.

#critical role #they might not go all the way to level 20 #but i'm betting on them making it to 17 at least #and if there's still more story to tell #they'll keep going #the tale is over when it's over

[albatris]

@polyacery​

:D!! yes!! ok!! yes!! please forgive the much-much-much-lengthier-than-intended ramble sorry thank you love you <3

first off, two facts about Noa and Kai:

they care about each other a lot

they cannot fucking STAND each other 90% of the time

they struggle a lot when it comes to teamwork, their personalities don't mesh well under pressure and their approaches to problem-solving differ wildly, so they often end up getting on each other’s nerves and being quite tense when they have to work together :P nothing, like, dramatic though, and nothing that escalates beyond general bickering and annoyance

that being said, on a personal and social level they do view each other as close friends and (can) get along well, though you’d be hard-pressed to get either of them to admit it. they share a lot of similarities (some of which I’ll go into) and both value the other as someone they can be open and honest with and drop their guard around, which is sayin somethin ‘cause openness and honesty are notoriously difficult for both of them lmao

in general I would say hmmmm

Noa views Kai (fondly) as a bastard and a swindler and possibly the most infuriating person she’s ever met, an opinion which does not change even as she grows to consider them a friend. like, genuinely? she fuckin hates their guts. and their ridiculously charming smile. and the way they can sweet talk their way into or out of any situation. she’s a little bitter about the way people just seem to hand over whatever Kai wants just ‘cause they’re a smooth-talker and good at pulling strings, ‘cause that level of uhhhhh sneaky interpersonal finesse is not something she’s ever really been able to access and it strikes her as cheating ahaha

that being said, though she finds their personality grating and their face punchable, they’re a person who cares intensely about people, not in an abstract theoretical all-talk-no-action kind of way, but in a concrete, physical, motivated “hey let me help you with that right now” kind of way, which Noa will never have any beef with. too many people sit around talking about what it means to do the right thing. not enough people get out there in a van full of interdimensional crime and pull off elaborate heists for the greater good

Kai has a similar take on Noa in that regard, as in, like. she’s kind of hardcore, yes. but. there are too many people sitting around talking about what it means to do the right thing, not enough people getting rightfully fucking unhinged and charging headfirst into injustice and cruelty and punching the shit out of it. her methods are a little too impulsive and headstrong for Kai’s tastes but it works for her n they’re cheering from the sidelines lol

but ye, Kai views Noa as. hm. a very very very intense person who is a lot of fun to mess with. pretty much as soon as Kai realises Noa isn’t going to be a threat in any capacity they’re like “sick now I have free reign to be the most annoying person in the universe” and they absolutely follow through. they find her passion and intensity amusing but admirable, and they were sold on the fact that she’s a good, kind person no matter her prickly exterior the second they saw how much she adores her mum c:

so, arguably, half of the next part is just,,,, me elaborating to an excessive extent,,,,, but this info used to be at the start of the ramble so I’d already written it before being like “hey wait a minute” so to hell with it I’m including it anyway

these two don’t get a lot of screentime together till the second half of the book and they have a pretty rocky start imo

like, Noa’s first impressions of Kai on two separate occasions are “that bastard who robbed me while I was on the clock” and “that random weirdo who somehow charmed my best friend into thinking they’re cool even though they sound like the shadiest motherfucker on the entire planet and I’m pretty sure they’re a serial killer”, which then culminate into “oh shit these are in fact the same person and they’re definitely bad news”

Kai never dislikes Noa the same way Noa dislikes them, but they are wary of her and have a healthy degree of fear regarding the threat she could pose to them.......... Kai and Noa’s different career choices put them at odds with each other right off the bat, what with Noa working for the Department of Interdimensional Instabilities and Kai operating a significantly less legal business that’s essentially the antithesis of the DII

plus Noa in general has a reputation for being Kind Of Fucking Terrifying

initially I would say they both view the other as “potentially a legitimate threat” and “not to be underestimated”, but post-mid-story-heist they get to spend some proper time together and form more grounded opinions of each other :P though arguably still for a considerable while the only reason they put up with each other is because Tris is like “:D” at them both and they’re like........ aw no I don’t wanna make him sad

Kai warms to Noa a lot faster than Noa warms to Kai, ‘cause Kai warms to most people pretty quick provided they’re not literal axe murderers. Noa starts to warm to Kai only after careful observation and assessment leads her to conclude the following two facts with reasonable certainty:

Kai does appear to be in possession of a solid moral compass

Kai has no ill intent towards Tris whatsoever

which tips the scale in their favour enough for her to be like “okay fine”

there's a level of distance and awkwardness between them for ages 'cause like, yeah, they're friends they guess but not like, friends-friends, there just seems to be something that's not clicking, n the main reason for that is just like

(handshake meme)

a deep-seated terror of being emotionally open and vulnerable resulting in a pathological need to project a loud outgoing persona that masks every ounce of insecurity and fear and prevents anyone from getting close enough to Know You: Noa 🤝 Kai

as soon as THAT realisation clicks for both of them n they're like "oh shit you're just like me and I know exactly how you feel" it instils a sense of connection and camaraderie between them and solidifies a kinship based on Something rather than simply "mutual friends" and "sometimes we're in the same place"

n like, obviously the others Know about the whole. situation. with Kai’s backstory but Kai’s still pretty cagey about it emotionally speaking.... I’m pretty sure Noa is?? the only person they manage to completely drop their guard around over the course of the story? in terms of like.... having a genuine heart-to-heart about the emotions involved and the fear n guilt

and like. yeah. yeah. Noa hasn’t made a friend besides Tris in like ten years n she’s also notoriously cagey with her emotions and her being genuine and vulnerable is just....... not a thing that happens very often or very easily.... and even less through a lot of the story

idk man. they’ve just got good vibes together

they offer each other a Safe Place and a level of understanding that maybe the others don’t quite grasp. even though the others r still empathetic and care for them a lot n have equally important things they bring to the friendship. Noa and Kai just have a vibe yeah

even though they’d sell each other to satan for one corn chip

#I'M SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG I'm mortified #djhgkdjfhgjdfsg #i'm incapable of being concise i know i say this all the time it truly is a problem for me lmao #i feel like any of the main four paired with each other is just going to be an absolute behemoth of a ramble i don't know if there was #any escaping this tbh lmao #anyway hello goodnight hope you're having a nice day #thx for letting me ramble ur the best #atdao

[aka-indulgence]

So. This was a.. detailed dream I had a week or more ago? the one I referenced in an ask... and I feel like writing out that scene because hoo... so many thoughts

--------

It was dark.

Night had fallen. It was late, most people have gone back into their humble homes and gone to sleep.

That wasn’t the case with the castle. Guards stood... well, guarded near the front gates, and near all other entrances on the ground. Not to mention, the ones making regular rounds inside the castle itself. All to keep the royals safe from anyone who wanted to get in for one reason or another. Theft, murder, sabotage....

...kidnapping...

Anyone would have a hard time just attempting to get in.

...

A raven watches from the distance, tilting its head this way and that, surveying the castle.

It flies, with its feathers as black as the night sky, no one sees it. And who would take another glance at a bird flying around?

It perches on the railing of a balcony on the second floor of the castle, looking down at the guards that stood vigilant at their stations. Inside, there was nary a soul passing by.

The raven hops down from its rest- suddenly becoming enveloped in shadows and darkness. Its form warps, and where the raven was now stood a tall imposing figure as the shadow’s creep away from him.

A grin would be first to come to attention if anyone was there to witness it. A cloak covered most of his body, apart from his hands and face, where you could see that this man was a skeleton. His hands weren’t made of flesh but instead finger-like phalanges, with “palm” made entirely of bone that resembled a human’s, with tendon-like shapes connecting the fingers to the base of the hand. His head was not a head as you knew it, but instead a skull. It wasn’t shaped in how you’d expect a skull to be either, more rounded with less edges.

But if you thought that’d make him look less scary, think again. His sockets were empty, empty of emotion. The grin he wore was nothing short of uncanny, as he approached the doors to the inside of the castle.

The door shuts with a quiet “clack” and he looks around. When he doesn’t see any guards he runs quietly from one hall to the other.

He’s silent, his footsteps not making so much as a whisper, a thud, against the floor.

Every time a guard or more comes by he slides into the corners and walls, hidden in the shadow, covered by the darkness. He smiles to himself. He could kill these guards if he wanted to, but that’d be such a mess... when others find the body, more would come, and that would make his little trip so much more difficult than it needs to be.

He bounds across the carpeted floors, where he didn’t have to be so careful about the sounds he’s making. Sliding by hallways like the wind, taking detours into various rooms whenever he needed to; a clear map of the castle in his head, heading towards his destination.

were there always so many guards walking the halls? Sans, the skeleton in black, thought to himself as he sweeps to the right, near a support. then again... i never had to worry about being spotted by them before.

Ah yes... old memories of when he still lived in this place. Even after all these years, he still remembers where everything is, just like he remembers all the little scars that litter his phalanges.

And it’s come especially useful now... as he ascends a flight of stairs, passing by unsuspecting men who were supposed to be protecting something... someone very important... he finally spots a familiar wooden door.

He doesn’t waste time, only making quick looks here and there before he darts to it from the landing, opening the door and quickly making his way inside.

He would’ve closed the door immediately if he didn’t also the one he’s been after for so long now.

The light of the torches outside, coming in through the crack of the door falls almost perfectly on your face, highlighting it. You had your hands under your cheek, your eyes shut, a small smile on your face. You seemed to be in such a peaceful sleep... your eyelids fluttered a little and your brows knitted from the sudden light of the outside.

Sans slowly, brought his hand back to find the door and quietly pushed it close, unwilling to glance away from the fair maiden his eyesockets had fallen on.

“oh... (y/n)...” He sighed lovingly, his grin turning just a little bit warmer, making his way towards your bed; his cloak brushing the floor.

He bends his knees so his chest was to your bedside- to take a closer look at you.

it’s been so long since i’ve seen you, love... He reaches out to touch your face, but thought better of it, his phalanges flinching. He might wake you up with contact... he didn’t want to alarm you.

Instead, he brought his hands down to the thick blankets that covered you. Of course, you were still so... fragile. Unlike him. You couldn’t stand the cold... not as much as him.

His turned his head, seeing how the blankets were draped over your body, he could see just a little bit of how you were shaped. His eyesockets trailed up, and settled on your hair. They reflected a bit of the moonlight that was quietly glowing through the windows. It looked somewhat shiny... like silk.

He looked down to your face. The tips of his phalanges sank a little into the bedcovers, seeing just how soft your skin looked. It’s always looked soft to him, but now? Now it looked almost ethereal under the pale light. Your brows had relaxed and with the little, innocent smile on your face... oh, it’s like he was falling in love all over again. His grin widens dreamily, and his sockets go down to your hands. They were under your head, but one had moved to the pillow, giving him a look. They looked so soft too... so soft and delicate compared to his hands of bone. So small too... he wanted to brush the tips of his fingers against the back of your hand, he wanted to kiss your knuckles, he wanted to-

...

His grin falls.

He’s... always wanted to hold your hands.

Back when he was still a proper member of this castle... when he was still one of the king’s mages, often times advising him in anything magic related. Whenever he thought of the perfect partner to spend the rest of his life with, it had always been you. He wasn’t really sure what started it. Maybe it was seeing you walk around the mezzanine so often as he was discussing with the other mages around the table below. Maybe it’s because of how sweet your smile looked. Maybe it was the way you were always so friendly to everyone, including the servants. He’s not sure. He’s always found himself staring at you whenever he saw you. Watching how your dress flows around you, the little movements your hands made when you were talking, listening to the sound of your laugh. He’s only talked to you once or twice, and he’s sure you’d forget about him...

There were plans. When the mages were looking to be betrothed, some had already known how taken he was with you (though they didn’t know to what extent). The lord had seemed interested too, as having such a powerful magic-user in the main bloodline would be ideal.

And... and then...

“YOU AREN’T WORTHY OF HER!” A voice booms through his skull, echoing from the past.

He found out how to use dark magic, and found himself to be quite skilled in it. He always thought light magic was fleeting... they had this way of slipping away from him whenever he used it. It never felt... powerful enough. But when he used dark magic... it was exhilarating. He’s never felt so much before. He knew it was taboo... he knew it was feared... but what is fear but something people don’t understand?

He saw potential in something everyone has always had an aversion to. Dark magic is dangerous if it’s let out of hand, if the user doesn’t know what to do with it. But he was learning. It came to him easier than it did with light magic. He was trying to use it to the benefit of everyone. And how did they repay him?

“Sans of Snowdin! Is it true you have been dabbling in the arts of dark magic?”

“y... yes... but! i swear to you brother! i only have the kingdom’s best interest in soul! i-i-”

“SILENCE mage! how can you say such a thing when you have been using such vile magic?””

“i... i’ve learnt how to use it, to control it! dark magic has aspects light magic doesn’t h-have, i could use it for good! i wasn’t trying to do anything treasonous!”

“That would sound honorable if we could believe you, Sans. Dark magic cannot be good. It’s in its nature. Normally we would try to purify the being corrupted by it but... you knew what it is, Sans. It is so sad to see the king’s finest mage turn out like this in the end.”

“n... no! you can’t... you can’t exi-!”

“Sans.” The lord stood. “I hereby exile you. Think of it as mercy, you could have been executed.”

The only thing on his mind was you... you were going to be his, he was so so patient... he waited for his bride, he was going to be happy with you, please...

“And to think I thought you worthy to marry my darling (Y/n)...”

“no... no!!”

They denied him your hand. They denied him you. He wasn’t trying to turn against them... he was loyal to the king..! And they cast him aside for using forbidden magic...

Your gentle hands... your warm embrace... your sweet smile...

Everything he was denied.

Tendrils of shadow danced across the ground as Sans bared his teeth to those who betrayed him. People he once called brothers... all turning against him when they found out he used dark magic in his lonesome.

“they could never keep me away from you, love...” He murmured, as he stood to his full height, and reached towards you. A hand took the blanket from his side and brought it under you while the other cupped you from the other side, picking you up, cradling you. He made sure the blanket was tucked around you properly, so you wouldn’t be cold.

“my sweet beloved (y/n)...” His hands shook, as he finally allowed himself to brush your hair away from your face, shivering as he felt your skin under his fingers. “you’ve always belonged to me. always... and i’ll love you with all of me. you’ll be safe with me, love...”

It’s apparent Sans got lost in the way your body settled in his arms, the sleepy sounds you made as you got comfortable. Turning your face to the warmth, cheek against his cloak, one hand gripping onto the cloth.

Because he didn’t notice the approaching footsteps, jolting when he heard the sound of a knock.

“My lady....” came the voice of your maid. “Is there something the matter? I hear voices in your room.”

Sans didn’t know what to expect- but in hindsight he should’ve guessed the maid would open the door without your answer. You’ve always been much more open with the workers in the castle, openly casual and making friends with all of them; though he didn’t know you saw your maid as more of your caretaker, and told her to come in your room if she thought something was wrong.

The door creaked open and light flooded the room, before settling on Sans. She made a gasp and Sans could see the color drain from her face when she saw the monstrous figure cradling you in its arms.

She saw him grin, not saying a word. Nor did she, as the next thing she did was to turn around and all but scream for the guards.

Many came running- but they were too late. When they came back, with the door still ajar, no one was inside. Not a trace of the monster or the lady was left, except for the way the bedsheets were messier than usual and that it lacked blankets. All was almost too quiet, apart from the almost silent wind blowing in through the now open window, the curtains lightly waving in it.

#dream post #sinister thoughts #...? #is it??? #its just me writing a detailed version of a dream though kdsjhf #i dreamt the part where sans got into my room while i was sleeping #and got mad about thinking about being denied 'my hand' #i'll be honest i did minimal research for this... as this mostly came to me in a dream #so please dont be mad if there are some/a lot of inaccuracies when it comes to european/english(??) royalty kingdom stuff dsfkj