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strniohoeee · 5 months

Note

matt despises reader but after noticing that she is having a hard period between anxiety and depression he gifts her a basket full of goodies, like books (she loves to read), fluffy socks, candles and she thinks it's a joke but he ends up confessing

Fall

Pairing:Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Matt is blind to the readers true feelings as he’s so focused on his own. It takes some separation and an Instagram post for him to realize he messed up🎈

Warnings⚠️: None, hope you enjoy though because I’m hating my writing as of lately 🥹❤️

Song for the imagine: I Wonder- The Willowz

I’m laughing, but you’re laughing at me

And I think “oh how could this be?”

And I wonder if it could be the same

He kept looking at me the whole night, and it was starting to annoy me. His face made my blood boil. Like what do you want? It was like he was grilling me

Matt hated me, and to be honest I wasn’t sure why. I didn’t even care really, but he made hanging out with Chris and Nick boring. He was such a Debby downer, and he ruined my already shitty mood constantly.

Nick always told me to ignore him which I did for the most part, but honestly his weird attitude has been making my anxiety worse.

“What do you want?” He asked him finally getting fed up

“Nothing” he said getting defensive

“Well then quit staring” I said rolling my eyes

“You wish” he said scoffing

I started to hangout with them more because my at home life had become difficult. I was slipping into a depression I’ve never been through before. With that came my anxiety, and I just wanted to be away from my room

Of course Nick and Chris didn’t mind it. I was actually shocked Matt found it to be annoying since he struggles with anxiety, but I ignored it.

I often sat with them reading. I didn't mind that they didn’t have plans. I just wanted to be in their presence. It made me feel better.

“You come here almost everyday, and then you just sit around reading” Matt says laughing

“I like to read” I said flipping the page

“Yeah I know” he said shaking his head

“What’s it to you anyways? Not like I’m bothering you” I said laughing at him

“It’s just why not stay home if all you’re doing is reading” he said

“Well Matthew maybe it’s because some people have a difficult time at home, and want to get away from it” I said looking up at him

“Doesn’t mean you have to come here” he said rolling his eyes

“You’re such a dick all the time” I said to him

“The doors right there” he said shrugging his shoulders

“You just don’t get it, do you?” I responded slamming my book shut and scooting away from the table harshly

“Oh come on” he said rolling his eyes

I ignored him and grabbed my stuff, and decided to head home. Matt was such a fucking dick, and I was so over his prissy attitude.

He made me feel like shit, and it was getting harder to be myself and try and have fun. I never wanted to see him again.

I really tried to ignore him, but I really couldn’t. His over analyzing me made me super self conscious, and I was beginning to hate myself.

After that day I had decided to stay home and not really bother them. I truly didn’t want them to think I just used them or anything. Slowly this made me slip into a depression.

Chris and Nick had been texting me daily, but I would rarely ever answer them. Too embarrassed to tell them that Matt had made me hate going to their house. I knew this would make them upset with their brother

I had been sitting in my living room reading Where The Wind Blows when suddenly I heard a loud knock at my front door.

I was a bit concerned as to who would be knocking at my door at 9PM on a Thursday night. However I shut my book and decided to answer the door.

Shock plastered on my face at who was standing in front of me.

“Matt?” I questioned raising my eyebrow

“Uhh can we speak?” He said holding something behind his back awkwardly

“I guess” I said moving out the way to let him in

He walked in, and I shut the door really confused as to why he was here.

“I’m sorry, can I help you with something?” I said shaking my head

“I got you this” he blurts out and turned around to hand me a gift basket

There were flowers, candles, candies, and books. I grabbed it and looked at him still confused

“Matt what is this?” I said blinking at him

“Well I got you roses because they’re your favorite, and then I got you candles and here’s the thing I couldn’t pick just one because I know you love the vanilla candle, but you also love Mahogany Teakwood, but then you also love the peppermint one; so I got you all of them. And then I know you said you loved Twilight but never read the books. So I went to get you the first one, but then I realized you’d have to read all of them, so I got the complete series. And when I was buying candy I remembered all the candies you listed to me like a year ago that you liked, so I had to get them all and-“ he was rambling until I cut him off

“No Matt I mean why are you giving me this?” I said placing the basket down on the table next to us

“Oh….I wanted to say I’m sorry” he said looking down

“Sorry?” I said cocking my head to the side

“I’ve been such an asshole to you lately, and it was wrong. Most of the time I’m joking, but I realized you’re sensitive, WAIT NO not like that I just mean I joke the wrong way with you. And that’s my fault, so I’m sorry. But also I’m a really dry person and I like to people watch. And I also realized that that comes off mean and weird. It’s not what I meant” he said talking fastly

“Matt, calm down. It’s okay” I said getting flustered

“And I should’ve realized what you were going through sooner. I hadn’t realized how bad you had gotten” he said shaking his head

“What do you mean?” I asked

“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” he stated

“I’m sorry?” I said furrowing my eyebrows

“Well you see I remember you told me you only watch that movie when you’re super depressed, and you posted it on your story a few days ago. It made me open my eyes” he stated

“Matt how do you remember all this” I said letting out a nervous giggle

“Can’t you see? I’m madly in love with you” he said blinking

“You’re what?” I said my jaw dropping and heat rising to my cheeks

“I just wasn’t sure how to go about it because I don’t know how to open up about my feelings and I realize I was actually pushing you further away from me because I just don’t know how to act around you and once again I’m sorry” he said stepping a bit closer

“Matt, it's okay. You were an asshole to me, but I also wasn’t the nicest in trying to understand you” I said

“I mean no it’s not okay. I’m not sure why I couldn’t just open up to you and tell you how I really feel without completely destroying it.” He replied

“I’m just shocked you remembered so much about me” I said looking over at the gift basket

“How could I not? You’re the most interesting person in my life” he replied blinking softly at me

“You’re really throwing me for a loop here” I said laughing

“I know, and it’s because I’m an idiot who can’t get my shit together” he said signing

“It’s okay Matt. I appreciate all of this. I’m truly grateful” I said pulling him in for a hug

“I just really like you and I’m sorry that I just couldn’t figure out how to reciprocate that properly” he said letting go of me

“ I mean yes you did go about it horribly but I’m glad you let me know I mean hey it’s better late than never” I said offering him a smile

“Do you….do you like me too?” He asked

“You could say something like that” I said blushing and looking down

Matt gave me a smile and pulled me in. Our lips crashing together in a sweet yet passionate kiss. My heart flutters at the action.

That night Matt and I bonded over everything you could think of. Laying in his arms as we laughed about anything and everything.

It’s so weird what communication can do. It can really make or break you.

And it made us.

The End

Yalllll I’m hating everything I write. I tried to make this one decent. I'm sorry yall LMAOAOA. But anyways I hope you enjoyed it and I love yall dearly🥹🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

#sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo imagines #matt sturniolo

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writerblue275 · 5 months

Text

The One That Could Break My Heart (Chapter 1)

Inspiration: "Houdini" and “Break My Heart” - Dua Lipa and “Got Me Started” - Troye Sivan

Champion: Ezreal (Pilty/Explorer/FWB!Ez)

Summary: Your best friend (with benefits) has finally returned from his two months abroad, and the two of you pick up like nothing has changed. Or have they? (Gaaaah I’m no good at summaries, either creative or academic lmao.)

Genre: Song-inspired fic

Category: Fluff and SMUT-ish (18+ ONLY. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT)

Gender: Reader is ok with traditionally “fem” clothing like lingerie. Future parts (since I’ll be honest I’ve written like the whole story already) lean more towards reader comfortable with using she/her pronouns/are afab.

TW: Adult themes and suggestive stuff. Again, this is friends with benefits here, y’all. Swearing (no shock).

IMPORTANT CONTEXT: If you haven’t already, pause and go read my FWB!EZ headcanon (HERE). This story is set in the same “universe” as that and the headcanon provides important background info and context. It is easier to link that post than explain everything again in this story. Also, it’s likely that I’m taller than Ez, but you know what, sometimes I want to feel tiny so character is shorter than Ez in this one.

^ His smirk/nod to Kai’Sa was literally what got the wheels turning on this whole headcanon/AU in the first place. Look at him. Look at this cocky fucker. I love him lmao.

Key:

“Houdini” lyrics in blue

“Break My Heart” lyrics in orange

“Got Me Started” lyrics in purple

-“Center of attention, you know you can get whatever you want from me; whenever you want it baby.”

You sigh as you look down at the note in your hands, hating how your body has an almost Pavlovian response to this specific penmanship. Your heart speeds up and cheeks heat as you read through the words. The note on top of the three clothing boxes is unsigned, but that doesn't matter. You could recognize the slightly messy handwriting half-asleep.

"Come over later? Have the place to myself the next few days since the professor is away for a conference. Missed you. Here are some gifts to make up for my absence. Wear the green and bring the others."

"Looks like he's back...I wonder for how long this time," you muse to yourself as you contemplate the strange change in routine. It isn’t even the gifts. The appearance of a note and luxury clothing boxes are familiar, arriving like a calling card every time your best friend Ezreal returns from an expedition across the continent. The surprise is the change in location. Usually Ez just comes over to your apartment the moment he drops his things off at home, showers, and changes. He very rarely invites anyone over to the home he shares with his uncle when he is in town.

You quickly scribble off a response and send it off to be delivered to him.

"Of course, but next time, give me some more advanced notice, will you? Believe it or not, I can't just hop into the shower and be ready to go like you can. So, I hope you’re prepared to appreciate the effort. You're buying food, especially if you expect me to deal with your stamina for more than the weekend, Indiana Jones. Thank you for the beautiful gifts. I missed you too, E. See you at 7."

After sending off the note, you quickly flip through the carefully stacked clothing boxes, giggling softly and shaking your head as you confirm he, once again, sent you three expensive, beautiful, and lacy sets of lingerie, one in rich purple, one in black, and one in emerald green. You can't help but reminisce on the now-funny moment when he asked for your permission to buy things like this for you when you two first started your arrangement a year and a half ago. You smile as you remember his laugh at your confused expression. You had initially refused, saying you didn't expect gifts like that from him. It wasn't until he explained the upsides for himself that you finally realized it was beneficial to both parties. Hey…the man had good taste, that could not be denied. You stand lost in thought for a while as you finger the expensive green lace of the set he referenced in his note.

The sound of your mail flap draws you back to reality and signals the delivery of Ez's reply. Quickly, you go over and open the note, unable to hold back a laugh and an eyeroll at his response.

"But that would take away your surprise of being graced with my incredible presence again! As for food, I figured that would be a stipulation. It's on me. Also, when have I not properly appreciated your efforts? I take offense at the insinuation considering I actively contribute to your efforts through said gifts. Don't keep me waiting too long, princess..."

That fucking nickname...he knows damn well what it does to you. It started when you both were much younger, just innocent and teasing banter between childhood friends and he decided that was your nickname. Of course now, many years later, the teasing connotation still exists, but the innocence is largely gone. Between that and the other pet name he calls you when you’re alone together, “baby,” he knows exactly what to say to get what he wants. Then again you can’t really complain since you also want the same thing.

The rest of the afternoon goes by in a blur as you pack and prepare for your time away, putting on just a little makeup and dressing in a skirt and a white blouse that is very barely see through, enough for the green lace underneath to peek through, but easy enough to cover with your nice coat. Once you slip a pair of flats on, you make the shortish walk to the house in the lovely fall weather Piltover is currently having.

-"He’s got the personality, not even gravity could ever hold him down."

Soon enough you find yourself approaching the back door of the grand home. You're early, but you can't imagine Ez would mind much, especially if he’s alone. Curiously, you look up to his bedroom window, which also faces the alley. Sure enough, there he is, watching you with a massive grin. He even blows you an exaggerated kiss. Rolling your eyes, you flip him off, unable to keep from beaming as his loud laughter filters down to you through the window. It is a sound you’d missed desperately these past two months while he was gone. Knocking your familiar pattern, you wait patiently for him to get the door.

It doesn’t take long for him to answer. As soon as the door opens, his smug voice sounds near your ear as he leans forward. “That eager to see me, princess? You’re an hour early…”

Your heart speeds up but you just smirk and turn your head so your lips are very barely separated from his. “I could ask the same of you, Ezreal…seems like you’ve been waiting at your window for quite a while, and I wasn’t even supposed to arrive for another hour…not to mention the speed with which you opened the door. Miss me that much, Indiana Jones?” you murmur. You can’t help the satisfaction you feel as you see his pupils dilate a little bit as he’s affected by your words and how close you are.

The moment extends for a second longer with you two just smirking at each other before he takes your duffel bag, drops it to the ground, and throws his arms around you, burying his face against your neck.

“You know I did,” he says, his words muffled against you as he holds onto you tightly.

“I missed you too, Ez. Welcome home. I’m really glad you’re back,” you murmur as you wrap your arms tightly around his torso and bury your face against his shoulder. Eventually after a minute of just hugging, the two of you finally step back and smile at each other.

“I want to hear about your adventures, but maybe not all the ways you nearly died,” you muse, then laugh at how utterly ridiculous that sounds.

His grin just widens. “Well fortunately or unfortunately for you, I was invited to a dinner thrown by one of the council tomorrow night and since you’re my go-to plus-one, you’ll get to hear all about it, but that also include the not-so-pretty details. You know that’s all the society vultures want to hear about,” he says, grabbing your bag, leading you inside the beautiful home, and allowing you time to remove your shoes and hang up your coat.

-“I come and I go. Prove you got the right to please me.”

“So that’s why you invited me here instead of coming over,” you tease. “You didn’t want to carry a garment bag with a dress and shoes. Tsk tsk Ezreal you’re getting laz-eep!” Your teasing is cut short as he easily sweeps you into a bridal carry and moves up the stairs with you to get to his room.

His smirk is playful as he glances down at you and murmurs, his voice getting a little husky, “Careful, princess…you sure you want to finish that sentence? That’s a strong accusation. You of all people should know I’m not lazy. What did you call my stamina the night I got back last time? “Legendary,” was it? I seem to remember you throwing out that particular word after our events of that evening.”

You grin for a moment as he takes the bait of your trap to tease him, reaching up to play with his soft golden hair. That night had been absolutely mind-blowing, and he wasn’t wrong. You had used “legendary” to describe his stamina because that’s what it was. But, you’re not done riling him up yet, knowing you’re playing a deliciously dangerous game. “That night? Ez that was three months ago! How do I know the wait was worth it since you left? A lot might have changed in the two months you’ve been gone,” you remark with mock sincerity, internally cheering and grinning as he lets out a soft growl and moves a little faster down the hall to get to his room.

Once he’s inside and the door is closed, he immediately sets your duffle bag down before turning his focus to you. The second your feet touch the plush carpet he has you backed up against the door, his arms around your waist pulling you roughly against him, his nose brushing against your nose, and his lips frustratingly close to yours. He’s so close you can see just how many beautiful shades of blue the irises of his eyes have as they surround his slightly blown out pupils. He leans forward and ever-so-lightly brushes his lips against yours, barely making any contact at all before pulling back. As you let out a soft whine and chase his lips, he smirks widely and murmurs, “What’s wrong, (Y/N)? I thought you said a lot might have changed in two months, but it seems to me you’re just as impatient as ever. Not only that, but it seems like you still want me just as much. Am I correct?”

This clever man. He’s managed to completely flip the situation, instead winding you up like a damn toy. You can’t help but let out an exasperated giggle and a breathless “Fuck you, Ez,” before tangling your arms around his neck and kissing him hungrily. You playfully nibble his lower lip as he chuckles against yours, his hands going on a journey to reacquaint themselves with your body. Just like his initial kiss though, his touch is purposefully light in order to work you up even more.

“Ezreal, I swear to fucking God if you don’t touch me like you mean it I’ll never forgive you,” you threaten as your lips move down and nip his neck. You try to imbue your threat with at least a little sharpness, but there’s a thread of neediness that really undermines your intent so you decide to switch tactics. “Especially after I went through all this effort to look so pretty for you.” You give him a mock pout as your arms leave his neck and your hands start working on your blouse buttons, immediately drawing his eyes downward.

You only undo a couple buttons, enough for him to see just a little emerald green lace peek out before your lips move back to his neck. “Good choice with the green, by the way. You remember my favorite color after all this time,” you teasingly purr against him, knowing damn well he has one of the best memories of anyone you’ve ever met. “Finish ‘unwrapping me,’” you throw his own words from previous encounters back at him, “then I can thank you for the beautiful presents and you can show me how much you missed me, what do you think?”

You immediately feel immense satisfaction as he lets out a whisper soft “Holy fuck (y/n)…” under his breath as a reaction to your words, almost like he just can’t help it. As playful as he is, your best friend prides himself on his ability to remain level-headed at almost all times. As he says often, he’d have died many times without it. Being one of the few who can cause Ezreal’s control to slip, especially for this reason, is a point of major pride for you. Even the man himself gives you credit for your abilities to bring him to his knees, literally and figuratively, an honor considering his ego.

He kisses you deeply again before murmuring against your lips, “Legs up around me, baby. Got it? We’re going on a field trip across the room.” He presses himself even closer against you as he cups his hands under your ass to keep you stable.

You instantly obey him, giggling softly in delight as his hands squeeze you. You keep your arms wrapped around his neck as you wrap your legs around his hips, trusting him to support you.

You feel and hear his soft and affectionate chuckle close to your ear as you happily nuzzle his cheek while he carries you. “That’s it, princess…look at you, so good for me…I missed you so much, baby.”

You let out a noise of pleasure as his hands continue to squeeze and knead you. “F-fuck I missed this…I missed you so much, Ez,” you murmur.

Ezreal sits on the edge of his massive bed, keeping you in his lap as he gently makes you look at him so he can kiss you again. His lips are hungry, his hands tangle in your hair, and you swear you lose all sense of time when he kisses you like that.

Eventually he pulls away slightly and rests his forehead against yours, his heavy breathing mixing with your own. “Stand between my legs, princess. Let me undress you,” he very gently commands.

You eagerly scramble off his lap and do as he asks, moving your hands back up to your shirt to help him unbutton it.

“Baby no….I want to do it,” Ezreal murmurs softly, gently grabbing your hands and giving them a squeeze as he looks up at you with a soft smile. “You may touch me, but let me undress you,” his order is tender, his voice filled with affection, but it is still an order nonetheless.

“S-sorry,” you softy respond and blush as you quickly put your hands together behind your back, wanting to be good for him.

“It’s alright, baby…I appreciate how eager you are. It shows me how much you missed me,” he soothes as he reaches up and gently cups your cheek, allowing you time to close your eyes and lean happily into his warm touch. After a moment or two, he gently removes his hand and starts on your shirt, pulling it out of the waistband of your skirt and beginning to work on the buttons. It doesn’t take him long to have your shirt open in front, revealing more of the beautiful and intricate emerald green lace that was hiding underneath.

You love how dark his eyes turn as he takes you in. “As I said, Indiana Jones, excellent choice with the green. I adore it,” you remark teasingly as he lets out a soft growl of appreciation.

“Damn, I think I’ve really outdone myself,” Ezreal murmurs, almost more to himself than to you. He looks up at you as he gently starts to work on your skirt. “You look absolutely incredible, princess. I know you like the color, but do you like the style? Is it comfortable? Do you feel as gorgeous as you look, baby?” He asks, his questions filled with a genuine curiosity that makes you smile.

You nod, setting a hand on his shoulder to stabilize yourself as you kick your skirt away once he has it down your legs. “It’s very comfortable and I feel so beautiful in this, Ez. You know my style very well at this point, so trust me when I say I’m never concerned I won’t like something you get me,” you confirm, moving your hand on his shoulder to gently play with his hair. You love the happy little sigh he lets out as you gently massage his scalp with your nails.

“Good,” he replies. “I just want you to see yourself as I see you. Sexy, brilliant, witty, strong, and irreplaceable.”

“Y-you think I’m all that, Ez?” Surprise creeps into your tone as you blush deeply. His words are unexpectedly sweet and you can tell he’s being serious. It’s quite a change of character from a man who is usually so playful and teasing when it comes to your intimate moments together.

He gently wraps his arms around you and pulls you deeper in between his legs, leaning forward and laying soft kisses on the bare skin under your bra. He stuns you even more as he says, “Of course I do. And if I’ve ever failed to show you that through my actions, then I hope you will please forgive me.”

You very gently tug on his hair, making him look up at you before you lean down and kiss him softly but passionately. You just kiss him for a moment before murmuring, “Ezreal, there’s nothing to forgive. You’ve always believed in me and defended me for who I am since our friendship started almost two decades ago. Between your actions and words, you’ve repeatedly made it clear you believe what you’ve said. Sometimes it’s just a bit unbelievable to know I have someone as great as you in my corner to hype me up and make me feel so amazing and…well…desired. Self-love is just something I’m still working on.” You straighten yourself back up and hum happily as he returns his attentions back to your torso.

He murmurs against your skin, “Always happy to help you there, princess. Happy to tell you as many times, tell you as many things, and show you as many times as I need to for you to believe it.” His lips are now getting more and more passionate, including little sucks and nibbles.

You can’t help but lean your head back and close your eyes. “Let me guess,” you sigh with mock disappointment, “I’m going to get a lot of marks that I’ll have to deal with during the next few days.”

He grins against your skin before looking up at you, his chin resting on your tummy. “You know me so well, princess. I’ll try to make sure they’re not obvious,” he teases, completely returning to the playful lover you’ve gotten used to.

You look back down at him. “See that you do please. I’d like to avoid a repeat of last time. During one of the rare times both of my brother and I could make it to my parents’ house, he pulled me aside during dinner and asked me what the hell I’d been doing to get hickies on my neck and jaw. Hickies I didn’t realize were there, Ezreal. I saved your sexy ass, you know. He tried to get a name out of me. When he guessed you as a potential “suspect” I’m pretty sure I felt my entire soul leave my body. I had to lie and play everything off. Not an easy feat since I spend quite a bit of time with you when you’re home, and that’s something my brother is well aware of. Do you know how difficult it is to lie to your own twin brother?! He was ready to go on the warpath. I’m still not totally convinced he believes me that it wasn’t you, but you’re alive so he must believe me enough. Or he’s smart enough to know I’d kill him with my bare hands if he did anything to you. Oh, and also, disappearing for a few minutes at dinner only to come back downstairs with a scarf on wasn’t exactly subtle and my parents realized what was up. They didn’t ask me anything directly, but I’m pretty sure my mother said your name when I overheard them discussing it later on. My own parents talked about it, you fuck. You should have told me they were there,” you playfully complain and mock pout.

His grin turns more and more into a smirk and his hands continue to wander throughout your mini tangent. “My sexy ass and I appreciate your assistance in making sure I lived to see another day, princess,” he comments. “I’ll make sure to learn from my…mistakes, though you certainly enjoyed the process of getting those marks, if my memory serves me correctly. It usually does.” He winks at you.

This earns an eye roll and a sigh from you, even though he’s very right. “If you want to keep your mouth running, Ez, might I suggest you use it in a different manner on a different location? At least make it even more useful to me…” You let out breathlessly as your impatience starts to get the better of you.

“Tsk tsk, so impatient. I thought you were thanking me for the gifts first, princess,” he responds smugly as he undresses you the rest of the way.

You quickly undress him before gently pushing him to lay back on his bed, straddling him and leaning down so your lips are barely separated. “You drive me fucking crazy sometimes, you know that, Indiana Jones?” You whisper before nipping his bottom lip.

“The feeling is quite mutual, princess,” he whispers back with a wicked smirk. “Now come on…show me how much you really missed me…”

So you do. And he shows you how very VERY much he missed you in return.

(A/N: I’m so sorry, I tried to write this out as a full smut scene but it was just no good so fade to black it is for now. 🙃)

“I need something that will make me believe. If you got it, baby, give it to me.”

An hour and a half later, you lay completely satisfied with your head on Ezreal’s shoulder and hand on his chest, feeling his slowing heart rate thump against your palm. As you do, Ez is happily playing with your hair and gently tracing shapes into your bare hip with his free hand as your breathing and heart rate return to normal. You’re both just enjoying the feeling of being together again and savoring the comfortable and companionable silence you two have felt with each other for a long time. Well…silence until your stomach decides to make its displeasure at being empty loudly known. You feel Ez’s shoulder shift a little as he turns his head to look down at you as best he can.

“Hungry?” he murmurs softly, amusement evident in his voice. As he gives you the chance to respond, he gently kisses your temple, making you blush at the sweet little gesture.

You nod and shyly respond, “I thought we’d have dinner before we got to our…main events for the evening. We’ve been doing this for long enough though that I really should have known better. I’m just as impatient as you are.” You gently smirk up at him, enjoying the playful flicker of delight in his eyes.

A grin appears on his handsome face. “Come on now, princess. I know you’re smarter than that,” he teases gently as he carefully sits up with you. “What do you feel like having? We have leftovers, or we can order something to be delivered. Whatever you prefer.”

You think for a moment, biting your bottom lip. “I know this is probably a stretch, but do you happen to have any soup? It’s starting to get colder outside now that fall finally arrived,” you muse as you glance out the window on the far side of the room where the sun has already gone down. “I was thinking on the way over that it’s soup weather.”

Ezreal nods and murmurs, “Chef had the same thought. She told me she made some turkey and rice soup yesterday. She and the rest of the staff have the next few days off while my uncle is away, but she showed me where the leftovers were. I’ll go heat some and bring it up, along with some water. Knowing you, you probably haven’t had much today…have you?” He gets up before leaning back over you, bracketing you in with his arms, nearly nose-to-nose with you, a knowing expression in his eyes and a small smile gracing his lips. As close as he is, your body is already begging for him to come closer again, despite your currently exhausted and sated state.

You shake your head and temporarily hide your face in the soft blankets covering the bed and sigh. “God damnit we’ve been friends for far too long. You know me too well, Ez. Yes, water is definitely needed…” You peek back out at him over the blankets and giggle as you watch the smile on his face grow wider and wider.

He laughs and leans down, pulling down the blankets before giving you a surprisingly slow, tender, and deep kiss before haphazardly throwing on his pants and shirt and going out the door. He leaves you staring after him in surprise, heart fluttering, breathing a little shallow, and cheeks even more flushed after the intensity of that kiss. He’s been super…affectionate today. While Ezreal has never been an asshole after your moments together, neither has he gone way out of his way to….well to act so sweet either. Certainly he’s never heated up leftovers for you.

You shake your head, shaking away all those strange thoughts. I’m sure it’s just because he’s hosting me for a few days. And besides, wasn’t he talking about making sure his actions show me how he sees me? I’m thinking way too much into it! You happily sigh and get up, walking around to stretch your legs while you wait. After pulling on the bottoms of the emerald green set that Ez so carelessly tossed to the side earlier, you end up throwing on a shirt you pull out of his dresser as you check yourself out in the mirror on top of it. Usually he offers you his shirt when he’s at your place, but since he’s currently wearing it, this will have to do.

You shyly bring the collar of the shirt to your nose and inhale. A whisper soft noise of pleasure slips out from your lips, along with a smile as you confirm that yes, even after two months of him being away, the fabric still smells just like him. He’s always smelled nice. You don’t know what it is or what exact product is responsible for this fucking sorcery, but his “smell” has always been comforting for you. Probably because we’ve been friends forever, you think. It’s just one of those parts of him that has grown to be so familiar to me. You continue to ponder the matter as you hold the collar of the T-shirt up.

“It’s you in my reflection, I’m afraid of all the things it could do to me.”

As you look up to the mirror again, you jump a little in surprise as you meet Ezreal’s gaze in the reflection. He’s leaning against the doorway, just watching you with an amused smile as he holds a tray with two steaming bowls of soup and glasses of water. You let out a soft complaint as your cheeks heat and your hands immediately straighten out the shirt. “Damnit, Ezreal! How long have you been there?”

He just shakes his head a little and chuckles. “Just got here. And I wasn’t even trying to surprise you this time. You were just lost in thought,” he observes. “What had you thinking so much?” He waits until you’re settled back on his bed with the covers over your lap before passing the tray to you so he can also climb back in. He also pulls another tray from his night stand, carefully transferring one of the bowls and glasses to it so both of you have your own trays to eat from.

You watch him, waiting until he’s done before you start speaking. “There’s no point in lying. You already practically read me like an open book. You, actually. Specifically how surprisingly good you smell. Granted I haven’t been on a two-month-long excursion with you where there are limited bathing options. Trust me, I’m extremely grateful you shower and change before you come to my place/invite me over once you get home. But, anyway, whenever I see you, at least, you and your clothes smell very nice. I was also thinking about how familiar and…comforting? your “smell” has become to me. I guess that’s what happens when you’ve been best friends with someone for nearly two decades. It’s just one of those small things that becomes a part of you knowing the person.”

He nods, his expression thoughtful. “You’re right,” he observes. “I’ve never thought about it like that, but you also have what I would consider to be a “comforting smell.” Though, what’s interesting is how it doesn’t have to be static. It can be dynamic but still be definitely yours. Like today. You’re trying a new perfume out, yeah? Or at least one I haven’t noticed you use before.”

You’d been eating the delicious soup while he was talking. When that question left his lips, your spoon froze halfway to your mouth in surprise. “You’re right, actually, I am! Granted it’s in the same collection as the couple others I have so it’s not crazy different from the others I wear. Honestly that’s impressive, Ez,” you note before finally finishing the soup spoon’s journey to your mouth.

He gives you a victorious smile. “I knew it! I think a lot of it is the fact that we’ve known each other so long. I can just tell when something is different. By the way, the perfume, it smells good. I like it,” he remarks casually, causing you to laugh in between sips of water.

“Duly noted,” you acknowledge. “I brought the sample size with me so I’ll wear it tomorrow for the event. Speaking of tomorrow’s event, I’m imagining you also have a dress and shoes ready for me somewhere? Usually you send them with whatever “special” presents you’ve ordered for me, but I suppose since I was already coming over here there was no need.”

He nods and tilts his head to gesture towards his closet, a sly smile on his lips. “All good. It's in there with my suit, sugar baby,” he jokes. His unexpected tease causes you to lean your head back and laugh loudly, a genuine belly laugh that only a couple people, mostly him, manage to draw out of you.

“You’re a fucker sometimes, you know that, Ez?” you manage to get out as you suppress even more laughter.

He just grins widely at you before unabashedly stating, “Oh I’m well aware. But guess what? I’m your fucker, princess.”

Thank you for reading! Oh my GOD chapter 1 has been so much fun to write. I will say, this has hung out in my drafts for a little bit, mainly due to nerves, but I finally realized I just need to let it go and post it before I psych myself out completely. Chapter 2 is essentially written already, I’m just editing it a bit more.

#Ezreal #ezreal fic #ezreal x reader #reader insert #ezreal fluff #ezreal smut #league of legends

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wandurrlust · 1 year

Text

hating you

pairing : akaashi keiji x reader

genre : academic rivals to lovers (?)

words : 1.2k

a/n : if you've read this before, it's cuz i'd posted it before but then took it down...my bestfriend forced me to made me repost it :)

Akaashi Keiji loves hating you.

He loves the subtle frown that takes over your otherwise smooth skin as the teacher dismisses your answer and permits him to speak over you.

He loves the way your eyes narrow down to slits as they rake over the unbelievably large crowd that has somehow gathered around the school's volleyball team - effectively causing you to push past numerous people just because you want to use the washroom that is on the other side of the hallway.

He loves being the first and probably the only one to notice the scowl that sits on your lips as the entire gymnasium howls with joy because Fukurodani has scored against the opponent team thanks to an excellent setter dump.

He loves being the cause of your sour mood because you'd come second in class - only next to him.

He loves the exasperated sigh that finds its way past your lips as you're told that this assignment has to be done in groups of two and the person sitting next to you just happens to be Akaashi himself.

He loves the way you roll your eyes as he slams some bills on the top of the wooden table of your favorite snack bar because the library was exceptionally crowded today and you simply needed to get this project done before Tuesday.

He loves the defeated groan you emit as you throw your head between your palms because you practically got nothing done in the past four hours but he had somehow managed to complete the entirety of his share of the damned assignment.

He loves how you discreetly flip him off with your middle finger because he chose to occupy the seat next to yours. On a fucking Monday when he knows you're bound to be late. You loathe Mondays.

He loves the shade of crimson that paints your face and makes it glow abnormally under the cafeteria lights as you almost spit out your lunch when you finally process what Bokuto has asked you: Are you and Akaashi a thing now? I barely ever see him anymore unless we're at practice.

He loves how you're forced to thank him for dropping you off at your front door because you chose to ignore the weather forecast and didn't carry an umbrella with you today and much to your luck, its pouring like hell.

He loves how you both suddenly have a group of mutual friends and you're all paying a visit to the ice cream parlor that stands a few meters away from the school campus 'cause you all deserve some time to unwind after that hell of a week of midterms all of you had to go through.

He loves the unintended giggle you let out as he cracks a super lame and admittedly cheesy joke that even has a few of your classmates booing.

He loves the sceptical look on your face as he finds himself holding the glass door ajar - for you to pass by before whispering, "This isn't very comfortable for my arms, hurry up."

He loves how the both of you are vaguely growing close.

He loves the faint whispers that surround the two of you as you bump your shoulder accidentally against his while the both of are walking beside eachother and are heading to class - together.

He loves the soft smile you shoot his way while you drop all your stuff on the glistening surface of the library table that has him seated on the opposite side.

He loves the faint tint of pink that suits itself upon your skin as you bid eachother goodbye.

He loves the butterflies that flutter around his ribcage as he tells himself that he'll be seeing you again tomorrow.

He loves how you randomly show up at practice one day and congratulate the team on their recent victory over Nekoma whilst urging them to call it a day as you had promised to treat him to onigiris if they managed to win.

He loves the unamused groan that rings through the class upon hearing your decision to team up with him for the upcoming debate competition because 'it simply isn't fair if two of the smartest people of the class team up together'.

He loves how you try to mask up the tiny gleam of disappointment that settles itself upon your eyes with a broad smile that doesn't quite reach your eyes upon realising that he introduced you to his parents as just a friend from school who was there to get some stuff done.

He loves how you let his arm wrap around your shoulder and pull you into a little side hug the second his bedroom door shuts itself with an ungodly creak - a gesture that quite literally translates to 'I don't know where we stand but you're definitely more than just a friend from school'.

He loves how you don't hesitate to counterattack his point with your own despite the fact that you're both a part of the same team when you finally start studying after bickering for what seems like eternities.

He loves how you rake your fingers through his soft hair and hum in response when he asks if he needs to get it trimmed as his head rests on top of his desk - worn out from the sheer hard work the both of you had indulged yourselves in since the past couple hours.

He loves it when your eyes snap up to meet his cerulean ones when your geography teacher calls out for him in class - for it isn't exactly his strongest subject.

He loves seeing you throw your head back with laughter as a response to something Konoha has said - unaware that the lad was doing a fair job of entertaining you as he let some of Keiji's embarrassing stories accidentally slip past his mouth - glad that you're getting along with the rest of the team.

He loves the cheery thumbs up you shoot his way as he scores a point against his teammates in a three on three match, shrieking at him to do it again.

He loves it when you assure and reassure Bokuto that you'll be there for the sleepover that Bokuto's hosting at his place this Saturday, cringing upon encountering the loud cheer that Bokuto lets out upon hearing your answer.

He loves the dainty shade of pink that dusts your cheeks as he steals a glance at Bokuto's messy kitchen just to see what exactly Kaori, Yukie and you are upto - his own skin mimicking the flimsy shade of crimson upon realising that the girls were wiggling their eyebrows as you loudly pondered over what would be an okay thing to gift him as a present for his birthday.

He loves how you scoot a little closer to him on the couch as a jump-scare in the horror movie causes you to flinch by the slightest.

He loves tight embrace of your arms around his torso when you're informed by your teacher that the one who came first in the class this time wasn't Keiji but you. But you quickly retract yourself because you realise the awkwardness and irony of the situation - you had afterall studied relentlessly for this test with Akaashi.

Akaashi Keiji simply loves hating you.

#akaashi x reader #akaashi keiji #akaashi x you #haikyuu!!#hq x reader #drabbles #haikyu x reader #haikyuu akaashi #hating you #haikyuu fluff #idk what this is

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eriquin · 2 months

Text

The Trolley Problem, part 26

Will convinces the rest of the party to believe him, at least long enough to regroup with Steve and his friends.

(master post)

They all biked over to Will’s house, like they’d done many times before.

Will led the way. He felt a little weird hearing his friends talk about the monster, but couldn’t warn them to keep it down. He hoped that it sounded like when they talked about their D&D games. They passed the spot where the monster had spooked him, and he slowed down just long enough to point it out. He couldn't tell if they believed him or not.

The big rut in his front yard made them pause a bit. Will wondered how Jonathan had explained that to Mom, or if she’d even noticed. He showed them all the places where the demogorgon had been; the shed in the backyard, the spot in the woods where it had disappeared, and the wall it had come out of when they ran past.

“It doesn’t look like anything,” Lucas said. “How did it come through? Did it make a portal?”

“It was freaky,” Will said. “The wooden slats kind of moved aside? The space underneath had a red glow, and then it stretched like... Like the dough in pizza commercials. Until it broke, and the monster came through.” He shuddered.

Dustin had the notebook again, and was reading through it. “This says it comes back on Saturday,” he said, “and Steve and Jonathan and Nancy fight it.”

“Wait, Nancy?” Mike asked incredulously. “Why would Nancy fight a demogorgon? She can’t even kill spiders.”

“She totally can,” Lucas said. “She killed that one in your mom’s car that one time, remember?”

“Yeah, but...” Mike shook his head. “No way is Nancy involved in this.”

Dustin pouted a little and flipped through the pages. “I mean, she’s not involved in it yet, but—”

“Guys, this is all going to change,” Will said. “I didn’t get abducted this time, so it might be someone else who fights it.” It was a bit of a relief that his friends believed him, or at least were playing along, but fighting over what would or could happen wasn’t going to help. “Come on, you’ve got to see the sword.”

They were all amazed by the broken sword, and also Steve’s machete. Will watched as Lucas took the machete and Mike took the hilt of the sword and they started play-fighting with them.

Dustin continued reading through the book. “It’s crazy how much we’re involved in this,” he said. “Like, especially me. Apparently, all the stuff that’s going on now is just the beginning, and the monsters keep coming back time again and again.” He grimaced and looked up. “One of them eats my cat.”

“Mews?” Lucas asked. He and Mike lowered their weapons. “Ugh, that’s awful. I hate it when something happens to a pet in movies and stuff.”

“Does it pretend to be your cat after, like in The Thing?” Mike asked.

Dustin shook his head. “No, it just says it ate her, and then I tried to get Steve to kill it for me.” He looked up at Will. “This is all about Steve, huh?”

“Well, he wrote it,” Will said. “It’s only going to be the stuff he knows about.”

“We should go talk to him,” Dustin said. He got up and handed the book back to Will. “See what else he knows.”

Mike nodded and put the broken sword hilt back in the box.“Yeah, I’ll bet if we quiz him in person, we can figure out if he’s lying or not.”

“He’s not lying!” Will crossed his arms. “There really was a monster. It took Eddie right in front of us!”

“Sure, but what about Steve? He could be lying about being from the future,” Lucas said. He put the machete in the box, too, and he and Mike hid it away under Will’s bed. “If he’s really from the future, he probably knows a bunch of other stuff that happened. Maybe he knows the winning lottery numbers!”

Will’s jaw dropped. He hadn’t thought of that. “Woah. We’d be rich.”

“Exactly!” Dustin said. “We’ve gotta talk to him.”

With everyone in agreement, it was a quick thing to hop back on their bikes and find their way over to Loch Nora. The roads there were winding, with a couple of dead ends and weird cross streets that doubled back on each other. Will had looked up the Harringtons in the phone book, but he had no idea how to find the right street. They rode around until it started getting dark, though that was more from storm clouds than from the sun setting.

“It’s here,” Will said, finally finding the right street and right house number. The house was huge, with a curved driveway and what looked like three garages. Steve’s car was in the driveway, and so was Tommy’s truck. He dumped his bike on the lawn and ran around to the front of the truck. “See? There’s the dent.” He ran his hands over the grill and showed it to his friends.

They looked impressed, but still a little skeptical. Will grabbed Mike’s hand and pulled him over to the front door. It was a big wooden double door with no windows or porch, just a concrete step up to it. Will rang the doorbell and stepped back.

“This is kind of weird,” Mike mumbled. Dustin and Lucas caught up and hid behind them. “Who needs a house this big?”

“We should totally come trick or treating here next year,” Dustin said. “I’ll bet these rich folks give out the best candy.”

It took a moment before someone answered the door, but when it swung open, Carol was there. She looked confused for a second, but then she recognized Will and she smiled. She turned and shouted into the house, “Will’s here! And he brought a bunch of other kids!” She gestured for them to come inside. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”

There was a shout of, “What the hell?” from down the hall, and Steve ran in. His socks skidded on the wooden floor as he turned the corner, but he regained his balance quickly. He looked at all of Will’s friends together and for a moment, he was delighted. Then he must have realized that none of them knew who he was, and his face fell. He put his hands on his hips. “What are you all doing here? Did you tell them?”

“Yeah,” Will said. “I had to. We can help.”

“Oh my God.” Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. “Of course you told them. I don’t know why I thought this would go any differently.”

Steve’s annoyance seemed to spur his friends into reacting, and they all started talking at once as Will hung back and stared at them. Lucas wanted to know about sports scores and lottery numbers. Mike got snippy about something to do with his sister. But it was when Dustin pulled the notebook out of his backpack that Steve really seemed to snap to attention.

“Where did you get that?” he said, grabbing it out of Dustin’s hands. He flipped it open to confirm it was his, and relaxed a little. “I thought I lost it.”

“It was in your car,” Will said. “I started reading when we were all trying to leave, before Jonathan showed up. I kind of just held onto it.” He looked down at the ground and tried to look apologetic. “I probably shouldn’t have taken it. I’m sorry. I just... I wanted to know what happened next.”

Steve let out a tired sigh. “It’s okay, Will. I was just worried that someone from Hawkins lab found it.” He patted Will on the shoulder and gestured for the rest of them to follow him out of the entryway. Carol locked the front door behind them.

They went down to the basement. Tommy was lounging in one of the overstuffed armchairs with his feet over the armrest. “Holy shit, you’ve really got a little league team going here,” he said, sitting up slightly.

“Nah, there’s only four of them,” Steve said, smacking his legs. “And Sinclair’s the only one with any coordination.”

“Hey!” Mike said. At the same time, he tripped over the last step and had to grab the railing to keep from falling on his face. Will covered his mouth to keep from laughing. Mike looked embarrassed and said, “Don’t talk like you know us.”

“He does, though,” Carol said. “He was just telling us about all of you. Said you were a bunch of little geniuses, especially Henderson. Which one of you is Henderson?”

Dustin grinned and raised his hand. “That’s me,” he said.

“Aw, well, at least you have that going for you, huh?” Carol gave him a little smirk and plopped herself down on Tommy’s lap. He hadn’t sat up completely, so she landed half on his stomach and knocked the wind out of him.

Dustin didn’t know what to make of any of that, so he shook it off and went back to Steve and the notebook. He crossed his arms and gave Steve his most challenging stare. “Look, we heard what happened from Will. We’re caught up, and we want to help, but first, can you prove you’re from the future?” he asked.

Steve huffed and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’ll get right on that. I just hid my Delorean over in the quarry.”

Everyone gave him a blank look at that, Tommy and Carol included. “Like, the car with the gull wings?” Tommy asked. “What the fuck does that have to do with anything?”

Steve groaned and rolled his head back. “Fuck, that movie was from ‘85, wasn’t it? I couldn’t keep this shit straight the first time through. I was pumped full of freaky Russian truth serum when I saw it.”

“Woah, wait, Russians? When did Russians get involved? You didn’t tell us about that.” Carol got up, knocking the breath out of Tommy again, and went over to try to grab the notebook from Steve. He held it above his head, out of her reach. “Well, then tell us the damn story already! You’re not making any sense.”

“None of this has happened yet,” Steve said, “and if I can help it, none of it is going to happen. Not the tunnels or the demodogs or the Russians infiltrating Hawkins or Vecna with his fucking psychic attacks.” He stopped and took a breath, trying to calm himself down. The hand with the notebook came back down and Carol took it from him without much of a fight. “Okay. Let’s start from the top. I might as well tell all of you guys together, because Will tells these little shitheads everything anyway.”

“Hey!” Mike and Dustin said together. Lucas just looked amused by all of it, and Will felt kind of proud of everything. They were all in it together, and with the things that Steve knew, they were going to figure out a plan to get his friends back.

#the trolley problem #time travel #stranger things #steddie #my writing

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beautifulpersonpeach · 1 year

Note

Hi BBP, thank you for your level-headed take on the hate. That said, could you help a bit more on how to dealing with the overwhelming hate? My timeline was fairly clean, but I was on reddit where there was a very one-sided vitriol towards Jimin and about his singing. So I tried to report on different platforms and my exposure to these vile accusations and sexually charged hate speech made me really sad. Idk how you've been able to report and deplatform some of the most awful bunch in the past. How do you not get emotionally drained? I feel so indignant for Jimin and I can't help but feeling hurt, which I know is not a good approach. I wanted to enjoy this comeback wholeheartedly, but I now feel a heavy weight in my heart. I also know that Jimin is a perfectionist and very hard on himself, I hope that he isn't beating himself up too much. He is a phenomenal artist, and I hope the recency bias doesn't get to him too much. If this is what (probably nowhere near the magnitude given the severity and size of army fandom at the time) army+bts went through in 2016-2018, then I can't commend the perseverance and strength of them enough. It's really incredible, and makes me feel better and want to do better. It's equal sign & letter time, I guess. Regardless, your advice would be much appreciated.

Ask 2: Lool Jimin is an embarrassment >..< Armys act high and mighty pretending you don't see that sorry excuse for an idol getting dragged all over Twitter lmfao lmfao >..< I wonder what you're going to say now BPP how will you spin it >..< Or are you going to defend his encore bleating?? Jimboy is my bias in BTS >..< you know why BPP? Bcos he can't lie Your boys tried pretending they're singers oh they tried hardddd but Jimin didn't get the memo!! I thought it will be Namjoon to fuck up first in solos given how sex obsessed he is but he pulled through lucky you BPP. Not lucky j-hope flopped >..< but Armys pretended he didn't. Jimin is where all the pretense dies. In solo era your dozens can't hide BPP and no amount of mass buying will change it. Thanks to Jimin the whole world knows BTS is a fraud >..< One day the whole tower of cards will come falling down. Your sick cult fandom will be exposed and your emperor will have no clothes. You know it no wonder you're miserable harassing bloggers here. Do you think people don't notice? How you steal from people here? Your favs are just like you.

Stop harassing bloggers here. You're not satisfied to run them off the app? Go back to the gutter you crawled out of and take your disgusting privileged dozens with you. Nobody will notice and there will be peace.

Ask 3: Ngl Bpp, but the success Face is getting in countries like Japan and UK really surprises me. I mean I was expecting him to do numbers but I didn’t expect it to do this well? Specially after all the stuff that’s been happening left and right. I know he’s Jimin and the maknaes in general are expected to do really well because they’re super popular and have tons of solos on top of that too but still. I’m not knocking on Face at all because it’s definitely my top 2 debuts but I guess you’re right that Jimin did unleash something that he hides away deliberately…

I’m expecting even more for Jungkook too especially if he goes more poppy. For Tae I think it will do just as well as Jimins, less maybe if he goes the jazzy, slow type that he’s done but I think he’ll do better in Korea if that’s the case. I’m really curious what those two are planning because they’ve been working on their solos for years now and have scrapped a ton of songs already. I wonder if they’ll flip the expectations too like Jimin did.

***

Hi Anon(s),

Anon in ask 1, the second ask in this post is here for your benefit. Normally when I get asks like that, I delete them. I don't get the really creepy ones anymore because escalating the issue to Tumblr each time got the creepy users permanently banned from the platform. The asks I end up keeping now are the ones that occasionally make me chuckle, like Ask 2. I just thought (and still think) it was so odd but quaint to say "Jimboy". Lol. As though Jimin's name is Jimmy... and like it's 2023, who actually says "Jimboy"? Also, "the emperor will have no clothes"?? I know what that means but it was so random I actually laughed reading it. It's also the most recent hate ask so I didn't have to scroll that far to get it lol.

What did you feel reading that ask? Annoyance? Anger? Confusion? Amusement? Bewilderment? Hate? Now, has anything changed in the last few minutes, in the real world, since the time you read that opinion and now? Actually, who even is this person saying it? They can't be anybody worth listening to if what they're saying isn't based in fact to begin with, can they? Until now I've never actually sat down to think this out, but that's basically the chain of questions that shoots down my mind in a split second when I see things like Ask 2. In fact my only takeaway from that ask is it's a shame its author is a bit insane, because I actually like their sense of humor. I mean, "Jimboy"? Really?

My point in saying this is, your personality will always impact how you approach hate, and this is something I didn't fully appreciate until recently. My personality is such that exposure therapy really does work on me - I've been into this for so long that few things are genuinely surprising (which is one reason I appreciate BTS/HYBE because that SM fiasco? Lol! Was left-field grade A entertainment. 10 years on and they still impact this system like new blood). Anyway, a lot of the talking points and insults get old. Like I know that in 2026 we'll be answering these exact same questions when a new wave of fans join the fandom, because this has happened every 2 - 3 years since 2013. When I first started actively writing on this blog, it was around the time Jimin was in a controversy related to missed insurance payments I think. There was a lot of hate and at first I'd respond to asks by pointing out how this will hardly impact Jimin in the real world, how Jimin hardly comes online anyway, how the people who write things like that are weird and miserable, how they're essentially binary code... I didn't appreciate that some people need more to understand what's happening because the scale and pervasiveness of hate in k-pop, whether in shippers, solos, ARMYs, or k-pop stans, is frankly senseless. So, I'll say a few more things if you don't mind.

Specifically on how to deal will hate towards Jimin or idols you like:

This might be weird to say, but one thing I consider very important is to remember what you are. You're a fan. That's it. Your scope of effective change is mostly beneficial when compounded with other fans' efforts. And even then, Jimin is his own person, a person strong enough to thrive in an environment as caustic as this, surrounded by people he loves and people who love him. So I get it when you say things like, "I feel so indignant for Jimin and I can't help but feeling hurt," but at the same time, it will be easier to detach and gain perspective when you remember what you are in this situation, a fan. And so is that person hating him. It's okay to just step back, log off, and go do something else if you're not in the mood to respond to them clearly, or to just report and block (recommended). Jimin is more than fine. Obviously. He already hears how much of a respected artist he is from his bandmates, their staff, talkshow hosts, interviewers, and designers, and what I suspect he'd like to see more is the response from his fans. So if you like what you're hearing, express that however you like. Just doing that is powerful and amazing. And going by that meme dance (the one JK too did), that Jimin posted on Instagram, maybe Jimin will notice how you express your love for his work. I'm writing all this to show it's not merely cliché to say focus on the music, it really just makes sense.

Anon in ask 3, thanks for providing a good segue into showing one of the best ways to deal with criticism IMO: actually listen to the music and support the artist. You were mad, amused, or both, reading Ask 2 weren't you? It didn't seem rational to you at all, did it? Responding to posts like that Anon's will take time away from you enjoying or assessing what Jimin has released, so it only makes sense to just focus on Jimin and support him harder. That's what ARMYs and his other fans did for him the last two weeks, and that's what they'll do again for Yoongi's D-Day release.

[ Your surprise at Jimin doing so well though lol... Jimin released the album of the year, ended k-pop, and owned every live performance, and you're surprised the fandom rallied for him and the world loved his work? Come now. ]

Speaking of D-Day's release and ARMY support, Taehyung and Jung Kook's debut will be so chaotic for the fandom oh lawd. I almost don't want to be here for it, but I also don't want to miss it because theirs could be the biggest debuts in the group and I honestly like Taekook's music so far. Both Tae and JK have made pop tunes so I assume they'll have a mix of pop, R&B, jazz, and/or hip hop in their albums. Let's pray Jungkook was thoroughly inspired by Jimin in Set Me Free Pt 2 and we get nasty rapper JK in JJK1, or a feature with one. We know Jungkook will be dancing hard in at least one MV too...

Besides that I have no expectations for Tae and JK. They'll both do very well.

Anon in ask 1, hate is something you'll only see more of unfortunately the longer you spend time in k-pop circles online, especially if BTS remains at the top of the hierarchy for a lot longer. I think whatever impact that will have on BTS will be insignificant so long as each member keeps making art. I could be wrong but that's also an outcome outside of our control, so why fret about it. Also, I personally enjoy a good debate and don't mind seeing critiques often because sometimes you learn something new, so I'd encourage you to remain in the spaces you're in, but it's also okay to curate your feed or block spaces that are clearly toxic to you. It takes a few tweaks but it's possible to curate a fan space online that's fun and helpful/informative to you as a fan. My $0.02: if that's what you want though, don't open a Tumblr account and turn on the Anon feature. Lol. A lot of people are just weird.

#fandom behaviour #bts #bts fandom #army fandom #kpop fandom

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moisttwaterr · 7 months

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POSTING THIS UNTAGGED BC *chokes up* IM NEVER FINISHING THIS SHIT WIP BUT I STILL KINDA WANNA POST IT SO BEHOLD A FAILURE (my therapist would hate that lol)

Prompt: dancing in the kitchen whilst cooking dinner

First off: both Zack and Seph are both capable in the kitchen. Seeing as Zack just ditched Gongaga at such a young age he definitely knows how to feed himself, and over a few years of practice got pretty good. Seph was probably fed constantly in the labs and when deployed, but when he got to his own apartment he figured out how to order groceries and follow a recipe 👍. Then like Zack, after a few years of practice can cook for himself.

Not that either would cook *all* the time take out and food from the mess hall is probably the easiest when your rushing from assignment to assignment. But both would, when they have the time for it, sit down and enjoy a favorite home cooked meal. Seph’s favorite food is pasta, so he’s probably eat a lot of that, and I kinda like the idea of Zack being super in to spicy food/stuff that reminds him of home. (South American type shit I will DIE on the hill that Zack is Latino)

And so,,, we transition to our scene *sparkle sound effect*

On another rare weekend off, Sephiroth sat on the couch in the living room. Though in Zack’s small apartment this was right across from the kitchen, on the far end of the room from the entrance. He watched as Zack fiddled with his PHS and pulled up a recipe.

“I’m trying something new tonight. It’s a fusion dish I think. The grocery store had a lot of fresh veggies from Battisti so I’m using some of that in a pasta dish.” Zack said without looking up. He turned to his fridge and started pulling oh what he’d need.

Of course Zack chose another pasta dish, Sephiroth thought. On their date nights together, it felt as though no matter what he did, Zack would use every ounce of effort in him to make these nights all about Sephiroth. What food he prefers, what shows he likes, what games he’s interested in. It’s adorable and kind, and he really did love Zack all the more for it, but it was starting to pick at his nerves. He wanted to eat /Zack’s/ favorite food, watch what /Zack/ wanted and have /Zack/ pick the game. The problem was, he didn’t even know where to start with this objective.

Zack pulled out the cutting bored, a knife, and a pan and pot. The shrimp was defrosting, and the vegetables had all been set aside to prepare. He picked up the pot at filled it with water to start boiling, and pulled out the box of pasta, setting down for later. Turning again to the cutting station, he started with and onion.

“I’ll help you cut.”

“Ok! As long as you don’t cut yourself again.”

“Excuse you! You were only there for my failure once, and I haven’t cut myself on an onion since you taught me.”

“Haha yeah ok fair, also not a failure you just didn’t know. Could you mince some garlic?”

They continued in silence, and Zack took the garlic his general chopped and added it to the onion in the pan, with some greens, chillies and spices. He occasionally looked to his PHS to check the recipe. He clearly had his mind on the task in front of him and that left Seph to ponder some more.

He came up with an idea.

Zack’s speakers clicked, and music started to play through them. Zack himself barely noticed they turned on at all, and continued to absentmindedly stir the contents of the pan.

Sephiroth’s fingers crawled around Zack’s waist, and pulled him back from the stove.

“Hey wha-?” But a quick glance up saw his lovers large eyes, which were crinkled into a mischievous smile (as mischievously as Seph *could* look, which wasn’t well because he always had such a stern air about him) and it melted and resistance to the sudden movement. Quickly, Sephiroth flipped Zack around so that they were chest to chest.

“I didn’t take you for the romantic-actions type?”

“I’m not.”

“What is this then? Spite dancing?”

“Maybe it was an attempt…”

“An attempt at spite dancing?”

That made Sephiroth let out an amused huff. “No, of course not.”

Their bodies started to sway a little to the music, slowly moving with the rhythm. Zack leaned in closer, however with one arm awkwardly outstretched to accommodate the spoon he was still holding, gently guiding their swaying. A slight push twirled them to the other side of the kitchen, to which then Zack detached from their little rhythmic hug. This startled Sephiroth slightly, but his questions were soon answered when Zack leaned over and procured a blender. Zack leaned back in and twirled them back in front of the stove.

“Hey, could you put the pasta in the water?”

Sephiroth felt determined to be the one to

Seph wants to entertain Zack more and twirls him

#mw #zackseph

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thesandsofelsweyr · 1 year

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WIP Wednesday

Just some snippets from some stories I've got in the works! If you see this post, consider yourself tagged (and be sure to tag me if you share your WIPs!)

Mmm... scars 😋 From Part 2 of The Sus Boy Next Door (ao3):

That’s when you notice the scars. You’d never been close enough to him to see that his face is absolutely covered in them. Faint white lines that cut through his features: his dark brows, his full lips, his freckle-dusted cheeks, the bent bridge of his nose. The worst one (aside from the J on his cheek, that is) is a deep gash that slashes across his right cheek and his nose, all the way up to his forehead. Another knife wound? Is this guy a masochist with a knife fetish or is there some freak out there who gets off on slicing up this poor guy’s face? Those marks on his neck imply the latter—the more sinister of the two—and that sends a cold chill shuddering up your spine.

Some Joker / Jason dialogue from His (ao3), Chapter 3:

“Oh, I get it. You think you have a future outside these walls.”

“No sir I swear, please!”

“You think that maybe someday you’ll find yourself a Mrs. Todders, and if the missus wants a couple a’ Jason Juniors running around… well, you’ll need the right equipment for the job.

“Hate to break it to you kid, but even if you did manage to escape from me... no one’s going to want you. Batman didn't want you. Ol’ Daddy Warbucks didn’t want you, either. And those junkie parents of yours? Couldn’t even give you away—yeah, I heard that story.

“How long have we been playmates now, hmm? Eight months, give or take? You’d think after all that time someone would come looking for you, but it doesn’t look like anyone even noticed you were gone.

“Face it, kid. I’m all you have now. I’m the only person who cares about you. The only person who’ll ever care about you.”

“I know, sir. I’m yours. I’m yours.”

An Arkhamverse Jason kid-fic one-shot I started for the Touch-Starved & Flinching Febuwhump prompts:

Jason didn’t understand what he did wrong.

When the bad men came they beat his dad up. They were punching him and kicking him, and one of them even had a gun! The long-haired man put the gun beside his dad’s head, and his dad was crying and begging the long-haired man not to kill him, while the other two men laughed. Jason was so scared that he was gonna shoot! His dad kept swearing that he’d get them the rest of their money. That made Jason’s heart do a flip in his chest. He knew his parents didn’t have much money. His dad always said it was Jason’s fault, that if he hadn’t been born then they wouldn’t have to pay to feed him and put clothes on him and stuff like that. His dad even said that he and mom tried to sell him when he was a baby but no one wanted him because he was a loser. Was it his fault that these men were hurting his dad then? He had to do something!

From a dark & smutty reader-insert fic 👀:

His men had followed his orders to the letter. The girl was bound to a wooden chair with heavy ropes. Handcuffs encircled her tiny wrists. A black canvas hood was pulled down over her head. Muted, muffled whimpers echoed off the concrete walls of the cavernous hall—sweet music to his ears. They were in one of the many safehouses he’d established across Gotham. This one was hidden deep within an abandoned subway tunnel, deep in the bowels of this godforsaken city. No one would hear her screams, not even Hanover and Lopez, two of his most trusted lieutenants that he’d stationed outside the heavy steel door that soundproofed the room.

#my wips #jason todd #joker #robin #willis todd #salvatore maroni #arkham knight #arkhamverse #dcu #wip wednesday #jason todd x reader #arkham knight x reader #jason todd x you #jason todd fanfiction #whump #jason todd angst #jason todd whump #fic: his #fic: the sus boy next door

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vinnyistired · 1 year

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Twitter doomscrolling

CW: heavy topics such as mental health issues, transphobia, physical and digital self harm, and are all mentioned (sometimes in an irreverent tone/black comedy)

I have no idea how to use tumblr or how to tag things so if this is sloppy I apologize.

I realized recently that twitter is quickly becoming a digital self harm machine for me. I originally signed up for it to post about my now defunct yt channel and twitch. It slowly evolved into a way to discover new artists, memes, and be a goblin with people. I would never retweet furry art for fear of friends finding out my interest in that stuff and get hectored for it, then suddenly peoples likes appeared on the tl which indirectly outed me as a furry. oops :V

Anyway point is the ratio of chill and doom scrolling was skewed heavily towards posi-vibes, and when there was some terrible news it would be sprinkled between memes and thicc furry women. It was sparce enough that I wasn't overwhelmed by it, and If it was a big deal I would look into it later on my own and/or talk about it with friends.

Somewhere along the line the ratio flipped. To be honest, this is mostly my fault. I somehow ended up following over a thousand people who are all mostly like-minded politically. After I got over my big brain enlightened centrist phase- which I got over very quickly after I put my money where my mouth is and genuinely tried to listen to both sides and learned that a lot of the far right are, as the kids say, "mad cringe"- I realized I was left leaning. I'm also bi and like when PoC aren't being systemically racist upon'd (?), so I naturally gravitated towards like minded people. Especially furries. Like, a lot of furries.

I'm not bringing up political ideologies to call out everyone that disagrees with me as being shrimp brained dildos (they are though, especially about video game and cartoons), I need to paint the landscape of my timeline for you. I'm sure if you've read this far you either figured out where this is going or have a similar twitter experience; Hundreds of people retweet the same tragedies, doom posts, or some kind of calls to action to cancel or unfollow someone for reasons ranging from something as severe and legitimately concerning as grooming to something as meaningless as they're an artist that *checks notes* gave someone's shoulders and knees a uh... slight blush/warm red glow...?

It's too fucking much, but I still blame myself. Despite the toll it takes I keep opening the app, I keep scrolling through my timeline wading through it all for a crumb of muscular orc gf art or a meme about a dude eating dirt or something. I know what's there, I know its going to upset me but I keep doing it. Recently I started keeping track of who was liking and retweeting all this shit and I noticed a pattern; a shotgun blast of bad news, all retweeted within a minute or two between each other by the same account. It read something like this:

TRANS PERSON MURDERED IN HATE CRIME

LIST OF CONTENT CREATORS THAT GROOMED MINORS

HEARTBREAKING: GUY YOU HATE HAS ABSOLUTE DOGSHIT OPINION

Cat pic :3

AI ART, VOICES, AND DEEP FAKES ARE RUINING LIVES

POLITICIAN SERVES 2 DAYS HOUSE ARREST AFTER DRUNK DRIVING THROUGH A SCHOOL

soft cute art uwu

THREAD WITH PICS OF 27 MORE TRANS PEOPLE WHO WERE MURDERED

ELON MUSK MAKING THE WORLD WORSE

ANDREW TATE

I wish I was exaggerating when I say this, but copy and paste that 52 times from different people and that's my timeline. It's affecting my mood and my energy but I can't stop looking. I have no other social media outlets because ironically I have issues socializing and putting myself out there. It's now at the point where my brain now focuses on who is posting it.

I'm very cynical due to being afflicted with what therapists call "heavy lore", so I can't help but wonder; are the people retweeting this stuff even reading it? Do they think about it? Like I said four tangents ago, that pattern was retweeted by the same person in less than a minute. So.. what is this for? Clout? Have we gotten to the point where it is now a social obligation to retweet shit like that to let everyone know "Hey I care, I'm not a prick, please don't unfollow me!" or "As an empath, everyone needs to know I am capable of empathy, lest they neglect to like comment and superscribe". Maybe it stems from a feeling of powerlessness. Almost like they figure there's nothing we can do, so let's shove it in everyone's face in the hopes that it reaches the very few that actually have the power to get the train moving.

I'm sure people with the reading comprehension of a toothpick will think "Guess you hate all those people who died/suffered/are in need huh? Sorry to disrupt your furry porn with the REAL WORLD, BRO.", but the reality is that I do care. We all do. The issue is that shoving it in each others' faces to affirm that yes, we all agree that this is terrible and deserves to be rectified, but it is exhausting when it's coupled with the fact that we lack the power to make lasting change alone, and those who have the power to make a change refuse to do it.

We do it in the hopes it reaches new eyes and ears, but... we are all within the same circles. Sure, it might reach someone outside of our normal circle, but chances are their circle overlaps with ours. We're creating a feedback loop that is inducing some kind of social energy debt to a social circle that ultimately already knows and agrees that the bad thing that happened is bad. We are all allowing what is arguable the lamest and most infuriating kind of vampire sink it's crusty teeth into us, and its not at all hot like it is with actual vampires, and all it does is remind me how truly powerless I am in the face of these tragedies.

I know other people feel it too, because I never see people rally and take action to change systemic issues that matter. I watched people use more energy to get rid of cartoon characters they deemed problematic -in shows they don't even watch- than they have on anything actually useful. I know it sounds like I'm being judgy and harsh, but I will be the first to admit that I am plat II in slacktivism just like every other terminally online person I know. But again, I can't even blame them. They are using what little power they have to do something they feel is making some kind of change for the better.

I've reread this, and I think I figured out my problem. It's not that the problems themselves are insurmountable and unending, it's the unending avalanche of tragedy that is my timeline that makes it seem like these issues can't be conquered. The progress the world has made despite the misguided people that stand in the way is substantial despite the long road we still have to walk. That being said my mental health is on a steady decline and I need to mute or unfollow some mfers cause they seem to feed on it. I spoke with some friends about it and they gave me a new perspective on it. When you're depressed, the easiest emotion to access is anger. In a weird way we are all participating in the perpetuation of an anger economy just to feel fucking anything. This might sound weird, but I think I'm substituting physical self harm with digital self harm. It would explain why I can't stop despite it siphoning what little energy I have left from day to day life. I'm confident in this theory because I've physically hurt myself before, and all of this evokes similar feelings of both anger and guilt.

Whatever the case it's keeping me from seeing friends' art and posts, furry stuff, and terrible memes, and I think we can all agree that is the most tragic part of all of this.

#twitter #doomscrolling #rant #vent post

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ladylooch · 9 months

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Soft Thoughts Sunday- Lio & Lucie

We have four requests that are on one ask! I’m going to post them individually, then all together with the ask.

First up! Lio/Lucie- (I just love their relationship so much, I always wished I had an older brother figure in my life 😭) Lio consoling lucie either after a fight with her boyfriend or with her parents 🥰

A/N: ME TOO!!!! Let’s pick up after she gets grounded for throwing the party that Lio pretended he threw when Nico and Lexi were out of town. (He really thought that was believable?)

Lucie is sitting at the kitchen table, glowering ever so often at her dad where he sits across from her and reads a book.

“I don’t need supervision for algebra.” She mumbles.

“Mmm and yet your childish actions last weekend proved otherwise.” Nico says, flipping the page of his book. He doesn’t even look up. Lucie glowers harder. Nico pretends not to notice.

More silence ensues except for the scratching of Lucie’s pencil as she solves her problems. The noise of the garage door opening perks Lucie’s ears. Good, her mom and sisters are home to take her dad’s attention.

“We are home!” Lexi cheers, coming in and brushing her hand along Lucie’s brown hair. Lucie jerks away from her mom’s touch. Lexi crosses her eyes at her husband in annoyance and meets him with a kiss.

“Well, I’m happy to see you.” Nico says, running his hand discreetly over her butt. Lucie notices and shudders with a gag. Lexi sighs at their daughter’s obvious contempt for her parents. At least the other two still love them.

“Remember when Lucie was a baby and she went through that stage where she would only contact nap with you?” Lexi asks Nico.

“Yeah, that was tough during the season when I was on the road.” Lucie slams her book shut, grabbing her stuff and glaring at her parents.

“Some of us are trying to learn.” She huffs, then dodges her two younger sisters to go up to her room.

“I think we need to call in the reinforcement.” Nico murmurs, tugging Lexi down into his lap. She tosses an arm around his shoulder, stroking his long hair back from his face.

“Yeah, we are suffering more than her with this arrangement.”

Lucie is staring at the ceiling of her bedroom, watching the shadows of the leaves dance against the white paint. A knock sounds at her door. She doesn’t respond.

“I have gelato.” Lio’s voice calls. Lucie bounds up, tossing the door open and throwing herself into his arms. Lio has to carefully catch her, swerving the ice cream cones around her limbs.

“How are you allowed in here?”

“Your dad called me.” Lucie bites her lip in response.

“My parents are the worst.” Lio hands her the chocolate gelato before going to sit on her desk chair. Lucie curls her legs under her on the bed, looking at her cousin for his support.

“You know they aren’t, LuLu. They love you. And you scared them.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong.” She snaps.

“You broke every single rule. And you got caught doing it.” Lio chuckles, kicking his feet up onto the bed next to her.

“Who’s side are you on?”

“Yours. Always. But… If my mom lets me go to Canada next year, I’m not going to be here to save you from this stuff. You were scared Lu. Things could have gotten bad. You need to be careful. ”

Lucie’s heart clenches at the realization that Lio may be leaving Switzerland in a few months. But, the last thing Lucie wants is to be careful. She wants to throw that all into the wind and be who she wants to be. Not what everyone else thought Nico Hischier’s daughter should be.

“Do you ever think about what life would be like if we had different parents?”

“No.” Lio shakes his head. “I wouldn’t have you. That would suck.” Lucie considers then nods.

“But we also wouldn’t have all this shit either.”

“Luc, one day you aren’t going to live in this house anymore… maybe not even the same country as your parents either. And you’ll want all of this back.” Lio gets up, joining her on the bed and pulling her in for a hug. She hates how pensive he has gotten with his impending junior trip. Although, Lucie isn’t quite sure Auntie Em is going to come around.

“One day, you and I won’t live in the same country either…” Two tears drip down Lucie’s face as she talks. “What if we grow apart?”

“You and me? Nah. We are Lio & Lucie. Nothing is coming between us. I won’t let it.”

Lucie smiles, sitting up so she can eat the rest of her melting gelato.

#Lio & Lucie

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messengerhermes · 2 years

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How to Change Your Suit

Content Warning: This post discusses coping with suicidal thoughts (also known as suicidal ideation)

I'm gonna speak from experience here. Suicidal Thoughts (ST) show up in my life when I find myself feeling trapped in my life rather than living my life. This started in childhood for me and over time I've learned to recognize these feelings of hopelessness and being stuck as indicators that my metaphorical suit isn't fitting anymore. It is helpful to realize "oh, I don't actually want to burn this suit, but I definitely don't want to wear it as it is anymore," but it's also daunting. After all, I put so much work into that suit, and people in my life have helped me get that suit to how it is, and now I'm saying I don't like it? Who am I to reject a perfectly good suit? And also, where the hell do I even start in changing it? What if I change it and I still hate it? Darlings, your suit is yours. If it does not fit right, if it's scratchy, if it doesn't suit you, you have the right to transform and play with it a hundred times over to find a style that fits. And you don't have to do it all at once. Especially if you're finding yourself in the pit of depression when your bones ache and all the world tastes like ash. As always, take what works from this post and leave what doesn't, but here are some of the guidelines I keep in mind when I start to notice my suit not fitting:

Assess things by categories: What are the parts I am happy with in my suit? What are the parts that bother me, and how do they make me feel? What things are internal (a thing that comes from within me, ie my thoughts, my skills, my emotions)? What things are external (my living situation, support system, job/school, et al)? Make note of things I want to keep and things I want to change.

Start Small: It's a lot easier to swap out the buttons on a suit than replace the lining. Looking at my "stuff I want to change" section, I come up with "fast, medium, slow" changes I can make. For example, if I'm unhappy about my appearance, a fast change is buying myself clippers and cutting my hair how I want, a medium change might be phasing out wardrobe items that I no longer like and introducing new ones, and a slow change might be exploring HRT. Some items may be solved in a single quick fix, some may be slow fixes that you switch up halfway through. The point is to get yourself to think of these things as changeable instead of fixed in stone.

Invite others into the process: I get this is scary as shit and your mileage may vary on this. Others does not have to be your family of origin. It can be friends, it can be found family. If you have access to counseling in some form, whether group or individual, that can be a huge help. It can be looking up online support groups for depression, for an identity you would like community around (parenting, gender, divorce, neurodivergence, et al). Having access to places where you get to share about struggling and wanting to change, and also witness folks sharing about their own paths, helps break down isolation and create spaces for mutual care. You are not in this alone.

Seek out new additions. Sometimes the tricky part about feeling stuck in your suit is feeling something is missing, but you aren't sure what. This is where I start writing down all the shit I've wanted to try and what the barriers are to me trying it. Once I have my list, I repeat steps two and three. For example, I've felt ashamed of envying cosplayers who could make their own costumes for years. I had a sewing machine from childhood, and a couple years ago, I looked up free patterns online, bought some clearance fabric, watched a fuckton of videos, and sewed my first dress. Now sewing is a big part of my creative life. On the flip side, as a teenager, I got curious about bookbinding. So I checked out some resources from the library, looked at some blogs, stitched a couple books from dollar store sketchbook paper and lost interest. But I still enjoyed bookbinding when I was doing it, and it was not a waste to learn it. Explore things where you feel called to, let yourself pick things up and put them down. Engage in community, online and in meatspace.

Create a space of security. This is another tricky one, particularly if you're in an abusive environment or one where you don't have a lot of control. Maybe your safe space is not where you live. Maybe it's a swing at the park. Maybe it's a forgotten corner of the library. Maybe it's a cafe. Maybe it's inside your journal and between a pair of headphones. Maybe it's a playlist. But, whatever sense of security you can build for yourself, prioritize spending time in that space even for just five minutes a day.

My suit has looked so many different ways throughout my life. At times, I've felt like it would never fit right again, or would never be anything other than a joke to other people. And maybe some people would find my suit funny. But my suit belongs to me. I have the right to make it what I wish and to use whatever agency I have to transform it how I please. Everytime I have the urge to burn it, I pause. I consider who stands to benefit from me hating my suit, from me hating myself. I consider what radical power there might be in becoming. I will not throw my suit or myself away. I will remake us, as many times as we need. I hope you snatch your suit from the fire, every time. I hope you keep making something new with it. I'm excited to see what you will do. Again and again and again. I know they'll be brilliant.

#cw depression #cw sui thoughts #cw sui ideation #coping skills #depression skills #therapy #mental health tools #mental health support #mental health awareness #please stay #reinvent yourself

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dreamwritesimagines · 3 years

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Burn The Witch 24 - Post Break Up [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful support and feedback my loves ! ❤ Here’s the next chapter, I hope you like it as well and please let me know what you think! ❤ Thank you! ❤❤❤

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Warnings: Enemies to lovers, lovers to enemies, fake dating, mentions of blood, sex, violence, death, manipulation, language, guns, knives.

Summary: Break ups are never easy.

Series Masterlist

A real spy, a good spy didn’t get scared.

That was one of the most important things they had taught you back at the academy. Being scared got you killed, so you always had to look for weapons or something you could use to save yourself.

Save yourself, take the target down if you can, and if you can’t; get out of there as soon as possible.

For some reason, none of those options felt like they would work against the most feared assassin in the world. Bucky tilted his head, his gaze bored into yours and you stole a look at the counter from the corner of your eye to see what you could use against him.

“Oh come on, do we really have to do that?”

You grabbed the knife on the counter, flipping it in your hand.

“What kind of an assassin would I be if I didn’t fight back?”

He pulled his brows together.

“Fight back?” he asked but before he could say anything else, you had already lunged at him. He dodged the knife way too easily and grabbed to twist your arm, but you went under his arm and jumped to wrap your legs around his neck, using the momentum to make him lose his balance before you both fell to the ground.

“Brings back the memories,” you grunted and he got out of your tight grip quite easily to grab at you, but you had already jumped on your feet. You darted at him and he sent you back, your back hitting the wall hard. You fell on your knees and snatched the knife off the floor but as soon as you got on your feet again, he let out a breath.

“I’m not going to hurt you, okay?”

A hysterical laughter escaped from your lips, “You do realize that it’s not my first day, right?”

“Do you seriously think I’d hurt you?”

“I think if somebody crossed me the way I crossed you, I wouldn’t let them live.”

“Yeah well, good thing I’m not you.”

You frowned slightly, trying to catch your breath as you held the knife tighter.

“Then what the fuck is this?” you asked, “Closure?”

“Oh no I think we’ve had closure,” he said, anger dripping off his voice, “This is a transaction.”

You stared at him and he reached into his pocket to pull out a thumb drive.

Well.

Okay. It was clear that you had misread this situation.

You put the knife on the table and crossed your arms, leaning back, “What is that?”

“This is the information of everyone I hurt on my Winter Soldier days,” he said, “Dates, names, occupations…. Your father’s name isn’t on it.”

Your stomach did a painful flip, “I know,” you rasped out, “I… um- I found out after I left that night.”

“HYDRA doesn’t have anything on your father, as far as I’ve seen.”

You nodded slowly, “And you’re helping me why?”

“I’m not helping you,” he stated, “I just know how it feels to be manipulated into doing something. Everyone deserves answers, no matter how terrible people they are.”

Well, you deserved that and much more.

“I see,” you said, “Well, for what it’s worth, thank you.”

He eyed you up and down silently.

“Why did you try to get me out of the country?” he asked after a beat, “That night? Why did you try to help?”

You bit inside your cheek, commanding yourself to stay strong.

“Does it matter after this point?” you asked back and he let out a breath, shaking his head.

“I guess not,” he mumbled and walked to the window, making you take a step towards him.

“Can I—“ you spoke before he could jump out, making him turn around to look at you, “Can I ask you something?”

He shrugged his shoulders.

“Why would you not want revenge?” you asked, “It’s assassin 101. Why not come after me for all these months?”

Why didn’t you try to find me?

That was what you wanted to ask. As twisted as it was, you would’ve taken him coming after you over him forgetting about you.

Well, as it turned out, no one could say assassins were reasonable people when it came to romance.

“I’m not that person anymore,” he said, “And honestly? You’re not worth it.”

Ah. That.

You could swear your heart was cracking but you pursed your lips together, forcing yourself to look unaffected.

“Fair enough,” you rasped out and took a deep breath. “Goodbye Bucky.”

He swallowed thickly, his gaze fixed on you.

“Goodbye Shrike,” he murmured and jumped out of the window, leaving you all alone, standing there in the middle of your apartment. You blinked back the tears, then ran a hand over your face.

“Get your shit together,” you murmured to yourself, then grabbed the wine glass to down it.

The next day you were so busy with the HYDRA files Bucky had given you that you barely noticed Keith pulling a seat to plop down beside you.

“Hi there.”

“Hey,” you said without pulling your gaze off the screen as Keith put a cup of coffee on the table. “Thanks man.”

“No problem. What’re you working on?”

“Oh just some old files.”

“Old files? Where did you get them?”

“Bucky gave them to me last night.”

Keith sputtered out his coffee, causing you to make a face and grab the napkins to wipe the screen.

“Is this your first time they let you out into the real world or something?” you asked him, “Like, what is this? Were you raised in a barn? I don’t want your fucking germs—“

“Screw you. You met Barnes last night?” he lowered his voice, looking around and you shrugged.

“Met is the wrong word.”

“Y/N, what the fuck?”

“It’s not like I texted him to meet!” you whispered, “He just showed up!”

“Okay, we need to give you some protection—“

“No, and you’re not telling anyone.”

“You’re not safe!” he whispered and you shook her head.

“He’s not gonna hurt me.”

“Y/N-“

“He’s not,” you cut him off, “If he wanted me dead, I’d be dead. I talk big talk, but trust me if he came after me, I wouldn’t stand a chance. I actually saw that last night.”

“Why was he there?”

“To give me this thumb drive,” you said, “I’m just going through this HYDRA stuff to see whether they had something on my father, whether— I don’t know, whether I missed something on our files.”

“We checked everything we had on HYDRA.”

“I’m just making sure.”

“What did he say?”

“Hm?”

“What did you talk about last night, when he showed up?”

“You know, typical break up stuff,” you murmured before peeling your eyes off the screen. “He broke into my apartment, gave me a thumb drive with top secret information and oh—before I forget, he said I wasn’t worth going after.”

He blinked a couple of times, staring at you.

“I’m sorry?”

“So much for civil exes huh?”

“More like evil exes,” he commented, “You know he’s being a jerk to you because you tore his heart out, right?”

“I can’t really blame him,” you muttered, “He’s right to be upset.”

“But are you okay?”

You scoffed a laugh, “I betrayed the one person who I could see a future with,” you admitted, “And six months apparently wasn’t enough to get over him. So no, Keith, I’m really not okay.”

He pressed his lips together.

“What if we got you out there? You know, maybe you can’t get over someone without getting under someone.”

“I’ve had sex in the last six months, that’s not working.”

“Barnes hasn’t.”

That was enough to make you turn your head, your whole attention on him.

“What?”

“We’ve um… we’ve kept an eye on Barnes and Wilson, you know, what they have been doing. Barnes isn’t even meeting people.”

“Maybe he is and you don’t know.”

“Nope,” he said, “He and Captain America have been going on their own missions, but since Accords 2.0 didn’t pass, we can’t touch them.”

You tilted your head, “Hold on, what missions?”

A big grin pulled at Keith’s lips.

“Y/N, are you asking me to share classified information with you?”

You arched a brow and eyed you up and down, then steered your office chair a little to the left.

“I’m glad you came back,” he said, dragging his fingers on the touchpad to find the files, “Things were getting a little boring here.”

As a spy, finding targets wasn’t something you were unfamiliar with. In fact, since coming back here you were beginning to feel less like a professional spy and more like a rookie in training. You were growing restless every minute you weren’t working, and maybe that was why you were dying to keep yourself busy with something.

Even if that something was completely forbidden by your agency and you would probably be sent to another country again if they ever found that out.

So searching for where Bucky and Sam were using the agency’s resources was probably a bad idea, yet there you were.

You took a deep breath, then approached their table and plopped down to the seat next to Bucky’s.

“You’re going after HYDRA’s leader?”

Bucky’s head whipped up and Sam gawked at you for a second before pulling his brows together.

“What the…”

“Who’s your source?”

“What are you doing here?” Bucky asked through his teeth and you crossed your arms.

“Paying back the favor.”

“Well don’t. I don’t want you here.”

“How did you even know-“

“I’m a spy, Sam,” you stated, “And the agency has been watching you, do you guys seriously think we've left you alone?”

“I was actually hoping you’d leave me alone, yeah.” Bucky growled through his teeth and your heart dropped to your stomach, but you managed to shake your head.

“I don’t—“

“Your agency has been keeping tracks on us?”

You nibbled on your lip, “Just because Accords 2.0 was a failure…” you trailed off and Bucky scoffed, drumming his metal fingers on the table.

“Why are you here?”

“Listen I get it, you hate me,” you said, “Fine. Not a big deal, I can live with that. But I just- I can help.”

Bucky stared at you as if he was waiting for you to say you were joking, but when you didn’t, he let out a bitter laugh.

“You’re not serious, right?”

“Bucky,” Sam said warningly and he threw his hands up.

“You can’t possibly be entertaining this.”

“I’m just asking what the agency knows, that’s all.”

You heaved a deep sigh, trying your hardest not to show your disappointment on your face. It wasn’t like you expected Bucky to welcome you, but you were at least hoping—

Well.

It didn’t matter what you were hoping, it was very obvious that Bucky would never forgive you.

“They’ve just been keeping tracks on you,” you said, “I don’t think any of them put the clues together, and they can’t touch you even if they did, you’d have to do something first. Especially after the last fail—“

“Oh you mean when they took me in after you lied to me about everything and leashed them on me?” Bucky asked you, “That fail?”

You clicked your tongue, “Yeah. That one.”

“Un-fucking-believable.”

“Bucky.”

“But I’ve been going after different HYDRA officials for the last couple of years, and I’ve spent the last 6 months going over everything we had on them, I know some of their locations. So going after HYDRA leader then? Or his super secret location? Why?”

Bucky narrowed his eyes, “Forgive me if I’m not in a sharing mood after learning about what a liar you are. As far as you’re concerned, we’re not doing anything.”

“But I’m trying to make amends—“

“Not interested.” Bucky cut you off and you swallowed thickly.

“You’ve seen me fight,” you insisted, “You’ve— you’ve seen how good I am at my job, okay? I just— I swear I won’t say anything to the agency, just let me help.”

Sam looked between you two and turned to Bucky.

“That’s not such a—“

“Don’t say it.”

“Even you have to admit, that’s not a terrible idea.”

“You’d have to be crazy to think you can trust her,” Bucky argued back, “I get that you always want to see the best in people, but you can’t, not with her.”

“I’m sitting right here,” you reminded him and Bucky shrugged his shoulders.

“I know, feel free to leave.”

“Don’t,” Sam told you and Bucky frowned.

“You’re joking.”

“Bucky, she could help.”

“And then turn us in.”

“The agency lied to me about my father, I’m not going to turn you in or do anything to have me manipulated by them again. Whatever the mission is, they won’t know about it, you have my word.”

“Because your word holds any value for me?” Bucky asked you, his voice way too calm and you clenched your jaw.

“The mission doesn’t require a honey trap,” he said when you didn’t answer his rhetorical question, “Thanks for the offer though, Y/N. Go to hell.”

With that, he walked out of the café and you just sat there completely frozen. You could swear your heart weighed a ton in your chest, and your eyes were burning but you quickly blinked the tears back, then shrugged your shoulders.

“That went well.”

“Do you really want to help?” Sam asked after a couple of seconds of silence and you nodded.

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

You scoffed a bitter laugh, “Other than apparently signing my own death warrant?” you asked, “I owe him. He doesn’t want to go after me for using him, fine. He still deserves justice. HYDRA destroyed his life, the least I can do is help him get back at them, make them pay.”

Sam raised his brows, “You feel that guilty huh?”

You didn’t have any answer to that, and he took a deep breath.

“Can I trust you?”

“You can,” you murmured, “I want you to, but… I wouldn’t.”

“Okay. Let me rephrase the question, will you betray his trust again?”

There was no hesitation in your voice when you spoke, “I’d rather die.”

Sam held your gaze as if trying to see whether you were sincere or not, then cleared his throat.

“Let me think about it,” he said, “I’m not saying no, okay? Let me think about it and talk with him.”

You nodded slowly, “Thank you.”

He shot you a small smile, then walked out of the café, leaving you alone there. You shut your eyes, leaning your head back and letting out a breath.

“Great,” you muttered, “This should be fun.”

Chapter 25

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes imagines

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l4verq · 3 years

Text

crossed out | b.b

bucky barnes x reader

in which you’re one of the names on bucky’s list

warnings : angst, fluff?, mentions of choking

fic : one shot

a/n : u know i’m a sucker for therapy bucky lol

He should have skipped today’s session.

Cause he’s starting to regret coming when she brings it up.

“You gonna tell me about her?” Cecelia questions, casually flicking through a thick folder labelled James B.B.

But it was never casual.

Bucky knew she was observing his every move, his every tick. And he’d been pretty good at faking through every session until now.

“I thought you were helping me make amends.” He forges an unamused smile, which was second nature now.

“Yes and that’s why I asked you about her.” She looks up from the folder, the smallest smile tugging at her lips.

“It says here that you guys were complicated.” She continues, eyes skimming over a particular page.

Complicated was the last thing he’d use to describe it.

Cause it was the one thing that gave him some clarity, hope that he could be deserving of love again someday.

“We used to date. We broke up.” He gruffs, crossing his arms.

Maybe he should fake a mechanical failure in his arm, reschedule for another time.

“Do you still love her?”

He doesn’t answer but it’s written all over his face and Cecelia can read him like a book.

She turns over his list that she’d assigned him to make, eyes trailing down names until it reaches a hastily crossed out name at the end.

“Why don’t we pick this up next week? I hope you’ll be more comfortable to talk about it then.” She hands him back the small, black notebook.

He hesitantly takes it back, his feet already springing to get out of the room.

Was it just him or was the air running out in this tiny room.

“And, James?” She calls out.

He looks back, slightly winded.

“Remember, sometimes you need to just take a leap of faith, trust your heart.”

He nods solemnly, almost tripping over his legs trying to get to the door.

Hands fumbling over the handle, he’s greeted by a rush of cool air when he finally opens the goddamn door.

He stuffs the notebook in his pocket, taking big strides towards the exit.

It’s the same everyday.

Keep his head down, one sharp left, stop by the nearby cafe if he feels like it.

But today, he takes a right, taking out his flip phone he prefers to the touch screens these days.

Punching in the only number he knows, his stomach’s doing flips.

Don’t pick up, don’t pick up.

“So you do know how to call someone.” Sam picks up after a few rings.

He could almost hear the stupid smirk.

“How are you?” He cringes, the grip on his phone tightening.

It’s a small pause before Sam chuckles, “Y/N’s doing fine. In fact, she just got back from a mission in Prague yesterday.”

Of course, you’d still be going on missions, it was the only thing you knew.

“That’s not why I called.” He huffs, leaning against his car now.

It was an old, beat up Honda that he’d fixed up from the local junkyard.

“Really? Then enlighten me.”

It was Cecelia’s fault for bringing you up. If she hadn’t brought her up, he wouldn’t be here doing this.

“Where is she?” He closes his eyes, wanting the ground to just crack open and swallow him whole.

“Right where you left her.”

He mumbles a hasty goodbye cause he’s not sure he can trust himself to keep his composure any longer.

Getting into the car, he pulls out the notebook, going through the list.

He’d ticked off the list last month, even adding a few more names just to avoid the crossed out name at the end.

He jams the keys in, the car purring to life, before he can change his mind.

The door is taunting him.

He doesn’t know how but it is.

A quick exhale and he raises his hand to knock on it, half hoping you won’t open it.

But you do.

He always loved your eyes cause they held so much life to them.

Like for now, confusion morphing to recognition and rage in an instant.

You’re in bad shape, he can gather from the slight limp and bruises.

It feels like forever before you call his name in disbelief, what he’s longed to hear for so long.

He wishes you’d curse him out, hit him or tell him to go away cause that’s what he deserves.

But you don’t.

Instead, your pretty eyes brim with tears.

“Don’t.” He grits his teeth, unable to meet your eyes.

He always hated to see you cry.

“Then, why’d you leave?” Your voice breaks as months of bottled up heartache pour out.

He had to.

You were the only right thing he’d done in a long long time and he couldn’t mess it up.

“I needed to fix myself before I could trust myself around you.”

He grimaces as he remembers the life draining out of your face, while his hands were wrapped around your neck.

That very night he’d left, requested for therapy and could only hope it would work.

But it didn’t.

There was no fixing anything, he’d realised that waking up from nightmares far too many times.

“You could have picked up the phone.” Your voice barely above a whisper, stinging like a nasty burn.

He almost did, everytime.

But he hated himself too much to allow that.

“I’m sorry.” That’s all he can whisper, fighting the urge to take you in his arms.

“If you’d just let me in, realise that I do understand you.” You’re basically pleading at this point but you don’t care.

“I know you do. But you don’t have to. You deserve a better guy.” He says the same thing when he left like a broken radio.

“There is no better guy for me, Bucky. Why can’t you get that through your thick skull?” You limp over closer to him.

You know he’s focused only on your limp, eyes filled with concern as they rake over your wounds.

“Does it hurt?”

The same thing he always used to ask after a mission while tending to your injuries.

“Yea, here.” You pat the left side of your chest, biting down a smile.

He has to fight back one too, but it’s kinda hard.

You meet his eyes, a little too long cause you’ve missed gazing into them every morning.

Maybe this is the leap of faith Cecelia keeps droning on about, he thinks as he leans in, “We should take a look at that, then.”

You sniffle, “I’m still mad at you.”

He laughs, which involuntarily makes you 2% less mad.

“I missed you.” He whispers, his lips inches away from yours.

You don’t have to say it back cause he knows.

He leans in closer, ghosting over your lips, waiting for your approval.

You close the distance, lips crashing into his almost in desperation.

Which you regret almost immediately cause you taste blood.

A split lip and kissing, not so pretty.

He pulls away and you mewl, pulling him back.

“You’re only making your lips worse.” He chuckles, hands slipping into yours.

Instead, he kisses your forehead, trailing all the way to your lips where he pecks them gently.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers again, head leaning on yours.

“I forgave you a long time ago. I was just waiting for you to come back.” You sob, tears springing out again.

He pulls you into his chest, steady hands you’ve craved for so long.

Gently rocking you back and forth, he strokes your hair, fleeting kisses to calm you down.

You’re struggling to keep your legs stable as your eyes grow heavy but you ignore the blatant aches in your body cause you don’t want to leave his embrace.

And he somehow always seems to notice.

“You need to rest.”

You shake your head, holding onto him even tighter.

He knows he won’t win against your stubborn ass so he lifts you up carefully, legs swinging over his arms while you snake your hands around his neck for support.

“Stay.” You mumble as he takes you in the room you two used to share.

And he does.

Boy, was Cecelia in for a ride next session.

a/n : im cringing as i post this🧎🏻‍♀️🔫🏃🏻‍♀️jsneyswjausowkaw but supeerr excited for tfatws this friday :)) also i named bucky’s therapist for convenience lol im pretty sure she’s not named in the first ep? i could be wrong tho

#bucky barnes #tfatws #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky imagine #bucky #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #the winter soldier #mcu #marvel

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minteyeddevil · 3 years

Note

Hi is it okay if I request head canons of the brothers walking in on a GNmc reading smut about them? I imagine with them being big faces there is probably some demons that have written stuff like that about them so like this can be smut or like a jokey one whatever you prefer. If you don’t do this completely understand also hope you are well really love your writing

(I can only imagine what kind of things other demons would write about them lololol xD)

Lucifer:

He walks towards MC's room, a new study book in his hand for them, as he knocks on their door and waltzes right in

He has developed this habit considering how close they are now, and he freezes when he sees MC panic and immediately hide their phone

The flush in their cheeks and awkward body language gives away that they were reading something not so appropriate, and he smirks slightly walking up to them and placing the book on the bed as he sits next to them

"May I see what you were reading, beloved?" he asks, holding his hand out expectantly

Their flush only deepens, and knowing they have fully been caught, they hand over their phone, and he turns on the screen, unlocking it right away

He reads over the words on the screen, one eyebrow raising as he speaks a certain line aloud, "The prideful demon, first born of the brothers, bent his love over his desk, burying his throbbing cock to the hilt within them. A sinful growl leaves his throat as he begins to pound into them roughly-"

MC squeals and buries their head under their pillow, begging him to stop, as he simply chuckles before leaning over them, pressing his face to their neck to kiss at their skin

"I was fully aware of the things others have written about me online, but I didn't think you would stumble across it." He teases them relentlessly, running his hands down their sides until he reaches the apex of their thighs

"If you wanted this kind of attention, all you needed to do was come to me directly, my love. I would happily live out these fantasies with you."

Mammon:

A typical day between the two of them, both lounging around Mammon's room, each doing their own things on their D.D.D.s

He's deep into a gambling gatcha game of his own when he hears MC giggling from their spot on his couch, and turns to be nosy at them

"Whatcha readin'?" he questions, crawling up next to them, but they fluster and try to keep their phone out of his hands

He wrestles with them a bit before finally getting ahold of their phone, practically sitting on them so they can't fight back to grab it from him

He reads over the screen for a bit, but his heart does a flip and a warmth spreads in his chest when he reads the line "The Avatar of Greed pins you to his bed, devouring your sex as if he was a man starved. He greedily takes your juices into his mouth, lapping and sucking at--"

He gets to his feet, throwing the phone back at MC before turning on them, completely red in the face

"W-What're ya doin' readin' stuff like that about me, huh!? Not good enough havin' the real thing in front of ya?" He openly pouts and crosses his arms in front of his chest

MC is right against him, cuddling him and kissing on him, explaining they just happened to find it and was curious as to what they had written; maybe they could get some ideas to try from the fanfiction they read~

He revels in their loving, nuzzling into their cheek and neck for a bit. "Heh, maybe it would be interestin' to try out some of the stuff they mention. How 'bout we climb int'a bed and see where it goes?"

Leviathan:

He and MC are curled up in their bed, he is playing his hand held as MC is scrolling through Devilgram on their D.D.D., their head placed in his lap

They happen upon a link to someone's writing, and when they click on it, they find that it's actually fanfiction written about Leviathan

Their eyes widen slightly as they read through some of the story, and when the color of their cheeks begin to tint is when Levi notices

"What's up? Find something weird or what?" he asks kind of absent-mindedly, until the hold up their phone for him to read the screen

"The envious third born has lusted after you for as long as he could remember. He strokes his two cocks off when imagining you underneath him, one cock buried deep in your sex while the other-"

The loudest screech leaves the demon as he pushes MC off and practically runs for their door; they give chase and follow him to his room, managing to catch the door before he shuts it in their face

They apologize for freaking him out, that they were just curious about the story; he mumbles that he knew about them all because he has seen the fanfiction before, he just hates that they found it as well

He eventually relents and let's them into his room so they can make it up to him with cuddles and kisses; though he does plan on finding a way to block those sites so MC doesn't find anymore fics of him

Satan:

The both of them are sitting in the library of RAD, studying for an upcoming test in the class they share

Satan was in the middle of writing notes while MC took a small break to mess with their D.D.D., when they happened upon a website that demons could actually post fanficiton on in the Devildom

Curious, they looked up Satan, and found many a fic written about him, clicking on one that piqued their interest

An audible gasp left them and they froze when they felt Satan's green eyes turn on them

"Something the matter?" he asked, leaning over to see what they were looking at; they tried to turn the phone away, but he caught their hand, focusing on the words displayed on the screen

"The Avatar of Wrath held no mercy for your precious hole, pressing his hard cock into you as deeply as it would go, hissing at the tightness of your walls around his shaft. His demon form began to seep out as he began to thrust hard and fast--"

They managed to pry their hand out of his, almost throwing their phone across the library in horror and embarrassment; though he simply laughed, admitting he knew that other demons wrote such things about him

He than smirked, leaning closer to them and placing a hand on their thigh as he whispered "If you would like, we could read some of these stories together, and act them out even. I don't mind fueling that imagination of yours."

Asmodeus:

He and MC were Devilgram buddies, always sharing with each other the gossip they would find when scrolling through the site

They would lay strewn across his bed, giggling with each other, MC teasing Asmo for how popular he was with all the demons of the Devildom

Though one post caught their eye when scrolling, and they couldn't help delving into the story it shared

"Oh..." they gasped, making Asmo immediately glue to their side to see what they were looking at, giving them zero time to properly react to his presence

He mimicked their 'Oh', taking the phone to read out loud: "Being the amazing Avatar of Lust, this demon knows any and all ways to pleasure his lover. To the use of his tongue and the curve of his cock, you will undoubtedly be a writhing mess beneath him when he chooses you-"

They fought for their phone back, and he happily gave it to them, wrapping his arms playfully around their waist and pulled them closer

He nuzzled their ear, mentioning that he knew he had quite the fan base, just didn't realize it went to that extent

"Does it bother you that they write in such ways about me? Don't worry, my darling, only you get to see that side me of me now!" he assured with a sweet kiss to their lips

Beelzebub:

Beel had asked MC to join him for one of his training sessions, hoping they wouldn't mind recording some of his reps from time to time

When they were recording for him, they were mindlessly scrolling, looking for something to occupy their time so they didn't just gawk at their demon boyfriend working out

Though the site they stumbled across didn't help that situation; it was riddled with stories about the Avatar of Gluttony, some much more detailed than others

They felt their cheeks flush and they bit their lip as they read, only to look up and see Beel's face a mere inch away from theirs; they yelped and dropped their phone, Beel immediately picking it up for them

"You okay, babe? You were making a weird face. Did something upset you-?" He paused when he noticed his name written on the screen, and read some of the text there after

"Beelzebub, the demon of insatiable hunger, would devour your sex, all teeth and tongue, making you cum over and over again until you are begging for him to stop. His cock is massive, your body unable to adjust to it's size-"

His face flushes just as deeply as yours does and he quickly hands your phone back to you, before actually lifting you up and carrying you out of the gym

"I didn't know there were demons that wrote that way about me," he grumbled shyly, "but, um, I wouldn't mind doing the things they wrote about to you, if you'd like."

Belphegor:

MC and Belphie are curled up in the bed of the attic, nestled under the covers, when their phone suddenly begins to go off

Belphie is the first to wake, annoyed by the shrill sound, and reaches for the device to silence it, when he notices the screen is unlocked

You must have fell asleep reading something, he notices, and being a nosy demon himself, decides to check what you were reading

"Belphegor may be the embodiment of sloth, but he has no qualms when it comes to fucking you senseless. It will be slow but rough, his cock dragging along your walls, making you squirm and cry out for him to go harder and faster. He'll make you cum hard several times before--"

He blinks a few times before looking down at MC, a devilish smirk coming to his lips as he purposefully drops their phone onto their face

They wake with a start, and turn to him annoyed, but when he crawls on top of them, their eyes widen and a wave of heat comes over their face

"Hey, why are you reading that stuff and not sharing it with me, huh? You got the real thing right in front of you, ya know. I'd be more than happy to fuck you senseless like in those stories if you wanted me to, nerd."

#obey me #obey me smut #obey me nsft #lucifer #mammon #leviathan #satan #asmodeus #beelzebub #belphegor #gn!mc #request #headcanon

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boldlyvoid · 3 years

Text

Amethyst you so much

Summary: Spencer has had a crush on Y/N since she started working at the bau. She only ever works the night shift after a case, handling all the aftermath gracefully. one night, Spencer stays back and they strike up a conversation about rocks, causing their feelings to dig a little deeper.

Warnings: pure fluff, weed mention, hurt/comfort, grief and mourning

Word Count: 6.4K

Read on Ao3

Late nights at the office had become his thing since Gideon left.

He couldn’t bring himself to go home some nights without a game of chess, a cup of coffee, and the ambiance of the post case staff working. He would’ve had no idea about what goes on after they close a case if he didn’t stay behind most nights.

The phone rings almost every 10 minutes, and it’s always answered by the sweetest voice. The fax machine never turns off, and the most beautiful girl in the world is always running around placing papers in different places.

He’s been smitten with her since she started here, 2 years ago. Never seeing much of her since she was switched to the night shift, always wanting to just watch her from afar, never speaking to her unless he needed to.

“Yes, again we are so sorry for the door,” he can hear her voice from the back corner of the room. “Agent Morgan will be paying for that out of his paycheck, don’t worry, Mr. Kennings. We’ll be sure to remember your hotel when we’re in the area again. The FBI has a very generous budget for overnight cases. Of course, you have a good night too.”

She hung the phone up harshly and let out a deep sigh. He turned around to see her face in her arms, resting against the desk. She looked done, completely fed up. He would be too.

She looked up then, noticing that he was making eye contact with her. She awkwardly smiled and waved at him, “sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Spencer replied. “We asked for the key, I should have stopped him from kicking it in.”

She laughed then, walking over to his desk so she didn’t have to yell across the room. She sat on the corner of his desk lightly, “why do you stay every night?”

“Oh, um,” he wasn’t prepared for this. She had never talked to him before. She was barely able to even look at him when she used to place papers on his desk 2 years ago, now she was on his desk.

“I don’t like to bring the work home with me, it’s better to destress here before I go to my apartment,” he answered, half honestly.

She nodded slightly, “I get it. Luckily I go home in the mornings so the sun helps me feel better.”

“Going home in the dark isn’t fun,” she lightly smiled up at her.

“Do you want a coffee or anything?” She asked softly, “seeing as I am still your assistant as long as you’re here?”

He laughed lightly, “I would, but I’d like to join you in the staff room for it?”

“Okay,” she stood, straightening out her shirt as he stood as well.

He held the doors open for her, letting her walk out first, still smiling as she waited in the hall for him. Never being anything less than 1 foot from him for some reason, and he didn’t mind in the slightest.

“Do you like your job?” He asked lightly.

“Oh yeah,” she laughed. “It’s like customer service on crack. Have you ever had to explain to someone why you can’t pay for the cracked foundation after Agent Morgan’s ransacked a place?”

“I honestly never thought of who has to deal with the aftermath,” he awkwardly admitted to her. “I’m so sorry.”

She couldn’t stop laughing as they entered the kitchen, “it’s fine. I never have to apologize on your behalf, it’s everyone else who seems to be reckless. Sometimes I feel like it would be better if I came along to babysit.”

“That would be helpful,” he smiled softly as she entered the staff room.

He watched as she took a new coffee filter out of the cupboard. Emptying the coffee pot with ease, rinsing everything before adding the water and scooping in the grounds. He was mesmerized by how fast she was able to do it, then again it was sort of her job.

“What mug would you like?” She turned to him with a smile that made his heart skip a beat.

“Um, the purple one, if it’s there?”

“You really like purple, huh?” She teased him, standing on her tippy-toes to reach the mug for him.

She placed it on the counter before grabbing a white mug, it had a bumblebee on it, “bee happy” written along the top. It was perfect for her.

“Purple is a stress-reducing colour,” she explained. “When I was a kid my parents painted my room purple so that I’d sleep better.”

“I’ve always been drawn to it.”

She leaned against the counter while the coffee pot started to percolate, “Probably because of your anxiety, coffee doesn’t help that.”

“It’s in my DNA to be like this,” he tried to joke, knowing he succeeded when her smile crept back onto her face.

He was on a mission to keep seeing it.

“For someone who spends a lot of time with dead bodies, creepy places and bad people, you sure are a mousy little thing aren’t you?” She teased him.

“I also love Halloween, go figure.” He’s not sure where the confidence came from, being able to make light-hearted jokes like this was only easy with the team.

Which she technically was a part of. He’s seen her almost every single day for 3 years, slowly being able to get comfortable enough for this very moment.

“What else are you into, outside of here?” She asked honestly, making his heart swell as no one else had ever asked him before.

“Lots of things,” he sighed. “I love to read, I’ll read anything. But mostly I enjoy far-off worlds. Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, Doctor Who, Sherlock mostly.”

“No supernatural?” She gasped. “Sacrilege, honestly. What kind of nerd are you if you don't support supperwholock?”

“That's the show with the monster hunting brothers right?” He tried to recall it to his mind.

She nodded with a pressed-lipped smile, “it’s bad but in a way where I can’t stop watching every Thursday, they just introduced an angel who is pretty gay. Star Trek is cool too, I guess, I was raised by Trekkies.”

“My mom was into Doctor Who.”

“Mamma’s boy,” she teased him slightly, returning her focus to the coffee as she poured the now finished brew into their mugs. “She was nice when she came in that one time, I made her a very sweet coffee just like yours.”

He reached for the sugar then, poring a generous amount into his mug with a grin, “how much do you like?”

“the same amount,” she couldn’t help but laugh. “I hate the taste of coffee, but it keeps me awake.”

He poured the sugar into her mug as she places a spoon in each. Allowing him to stir his own before picking it up finally. Holding the warm ceramic in his hands, it was almost as warm as the feeling in his chest when he looked at her.

He’s felt it for a long time. He’s been caught staring at her by Derek, JJ even tried to get him to give her his number. Which she already had for when she calls him into work in the middle of the night. They knew he had a crush, he did too. He just didn’t know what to do about it.

“Come to my desk, I want to show you something?” She asked softly, avoiding eye contact as she walked towards the door.

He followed, like a lost puppy, all the way back to her desk. It was always neat, he always looked at it when he made his way up the stairs to the briefing room. He could even see it from where he sat at the table sometimes. Always wanting to see her leave in the mornings.

She had a collection of rocks that always changed, he loved the blue one the most but it wasn’t there currently. She had all new ones since the last time he looked.

“Here,” she hands him one. It’s brown and gold, the colours moving and shifting as he turns it with his fingers. The gold running through it like a beautiful wave.

“what’s this for?”

“It’s a Tiger’s eye, for good luck and happiness,” she smiled. “Keep it at your desk and maybe it’ll be easier for you to relax when you come back?”

The butterflies in his chest were swirling then as she looked up at him with pleading eyes. Wanting him to take it, wanting him to feel better. Caring for him.

“Thank you,” he barely whispers, clearing his throat softly. “It’s very nice of you.”

“You’re always nice to me, so,” she shrugged.

They sat down then, he dragged his chair from his desk over to hers. Sitting in close as she explained all the meanings to her rocks. He listened carefully, getting to examine each one as she spoke.

“This one is Jade, it’s for balancing emotions and allowing compassion so I don’t scream at everyone on the phone,” she laughed as she placed one in his hands. Her fingers brushing his palm softly.

It was a beautiful green stone with a thin white line running through it, separating into 3 directions as he flipped it over, “it’s beautiful.”

“I know some people don’t believe in this stuff,” she started to get embarrassed as she placed them all back on the shelf. “But I’ve always thought; if the moon, which is just a rock, can control the water, and humans are 70% water, then who’s to tell me the moon cycles don’t control my emotions and these smaller rocks can’t help problem areas?”

“You’re not wrong,” he shook his head softly as he thought her words over. “People depended on the stars and planets for guidance originally, as well as rocks and herbs for healing, just because it’s outdated doesn’t mean it doesn’t work?”

“Thank you,” she smiled. “No one has ever agreed with me that easily.”

“Anytime you want to talk, I’ll just be over there,” he pointed at his desk. “And I’m a phone call away?” He swallowed sharply at his boldness, trying to stay calm as he awaited her answer.

“I do have your number,” she smiled, reaching out to place her hand on his. “But you should go home, I’m sure you’re chilled out now.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, staring at her hand as they touched. He lightly wrapped his hand around hers, holding it slightly, running his thumb over her knuckles. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“And every day after,” she whispered, tilting her head as she smiled at him.

This was going to be interesting.

—

Penelope was always dragging him out. She would take him shopping, to dinner, to the movies. She was like his big sister, dedicated to making sure he wasn’t always cooped up or trying to retreat into a fantasy life.

She kept him busy.

She had 4 bags in her hands as they walked down the street, peering into the store windows to see what else she could possibly be interested in taking home for someone. That’s when they passed the natural health store.

He stopped in his tracks, seeing all the different rocks on the wall accompanies by little cards that described how they could help. He opened the door and rushed inside before Penelope even noticed he stopped following her.

“Good afternoon!” The shop owner called out to him. “How can I assist you today?”

“Um, the girl I like has a rock collection,” he says softly, knowing Penelope is behind him listening. “Crystals more specifically, I’d like to get her some?”

“Well, you came to the right place,” the man beams, escorting him to the wall of rocks. “What is she like?”

“Wonderful,” the words are carried out of his mouth on a sigh as he thinks about her. “She’s confident and nice, and caring. She’s always positive and just so lovely.”

“I’ve got you,” the man starts picking rocks off the wall and placing them in his hands.

Spencer follows him to the desk where he lays down a handful of rocks, Penelope is shockingly quiet as she stands beside him, staring at the collection. She’ll be full of questions later, all of which he is terrified of.

“This is a rose quartz, pretty basic love, beauty, anti-depression stone,” he pushes the pink and a green rock towards him. “Serpentine is for new adventures, observation and insight. I have a feeling you’re up for an adventure with her?”

Spencer nodded enthusiastically, “I like that one. It would be better to get her some rare ones, some that have to do with friendship, new beginnings, or opportunities?” He tried to explain his feelings as best as he could. Not knowing if he sounded dumb for a change.

The man smiled wide, “here,” he dipped below the counter and dug out a box. “Chrysocolla is literally for new beginnings, love and opportunity.”

He hands Spencer a vitreous, raw blue stone with small green marks running all through it, it’s beautiful like her. “This is perfect.”

“I’ll throw in a Kiwi Jasper as well, it’s for being by someone's side, support and trust. As well as a Ruby in Zoisite it symbolizes finding the joy in life with someone,” he hands Spencer two equally beautiful stones, prepping a bag and wrappings for all of them.

Spencer lays out the 5 stones he picked out, watching him wrap them with care before placing them in a bag. He rings everything up, Spencer pays and before he’s even out the door Penelope is pouncing on him for answers.

“Who?!”

He can't help but blush and stutter, trying to brush past her and continue walking down the street. “You can’t hide forever Spencer, who is she?”

“How do you know it’s a she?”

“You literally said so?” She looks at him like he’s an idiot. “Come on? I won't tell anyone!”

“Y/N.”

The gears are turning in Penelope's head as she tries to place a face to the name, knowing she’s seen her somewhere, “From the office?”

He nods softly, “the one Derek bullies me for staring at?” He clues her in more as they walk.

“He also bullies her for staring at you,” she adds with a smile. “She’s going to love those, when are you going to give them to her?”

“I was thinking about just leaving one on her desk every day? Maybe with a note for why I picked it?” He really wants to woo her, she’s too special to just flirt with.

“She’s going to love that.”

—

Sure enough, he walked into work every day for the next week, placing a rock on a sticky note on her desk. He was never around when she was able to see it, only knowing she got it when he'd arrive at work the next morning with a note reading 'thank you ♥︎ ' on top of his files.

He thinks about her all weekend, planning how he'll give her the last rock as he takes the elevator up that morning. Only to see her sitting at her desk, phone pressed to her ear as she tried to talk someone out of suing the FBI, she looked absolutely miserable. Just a casual Monday morning for her, almost at the end of her shift.

He rushed over to his desk, putting all his stuff down to dig one of the rocks from his satchel. Picking the Kiwi Jasper for today, he grabbed a pen and a sticky note and wrote her a little note.

“Always here if you need to talk, -Spencer ♥︎”

He walked over to her desk, she was still talking so she didn’t notice him until he was right there, she looked up at him with a thankful smile.

“Yes sir,” she answered the person talking to her. “Can I call you back after I speak to the chief? thanks.” She hung up on him, turning all her attention to Spencer.

“I know you know it's been me leaving these, but I brought you in another one,” he says softly, placing the rock in her hand and sticking the note to the shelf where it would end up.

“oh my gosh, Spencer?” She placed her free hand on her heart as she looked at the rock.

“You looked upset?”

She stands and pulls him into a hug, he can feel all the eyes on him as he holds her back, letting his chin rest on her shoulder as she squeezes him.

“Thank you,” she whispered as she pulled back, awkwardly smiling at him as she also noticed everyone staring.

“Always,” he smiled back, hand still resting on her arm. “Um, I have a case I need to get to.”

“Of course, good luck,” she smiled.

He pulls the tiger's eye out of his shirt pocket, showing her that he still had it, “kinda hard not to have good luck with this.”

She bit back a smile, her eyes gleaming as she took a deep breath through her nose. Releasing the same feelings he was keeping inside, allowing both their butterflies to swarm out together.

—

He loved when they had cases in Virginia. Being able to stay in the bullpen and work was relaxing, it was easier to think where he felt safe.

He was working on the geo profile all alone, a huge map stretched across a clear case board as he laid a yardstick across it. Drawing a thick red line with marker over it, in his own little world as he worked away.

He doesn’t realize she’s standing there too until she’s lightly pressing her hand on his back.

“Hey,” she whispers softly. “It’s 10 pm, thought you’d like a coffee?” She places the purple mug on his desk with her purse, turning her attention back to what he’s doing.

“Thank you, I’m almost done here,” he says softly, finishing the red triangle he was making on the map.

“I’ve always found it fascinating how you do this,” she complimented him. “You’re so careful.”

“Like baking, it’s an exact science,” he smiled softly.

It made her giggle slightly, placing her hand back on his back as she moved in closer to look. He wanted her to stay there forever, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to focus. He tried his best to steady his hand as he finished the line.

Putting the yardstick back down and turning to her, she doesn’t move her hand, instead, softly moving to rest on his arm as she stands close to him. “How are you?”

He feels nervous for some reason, it’s not like she hasn’t been this close to him before. It’s just that she’s close and she smells wonderful and he wonders if her lips would be a better wake-up call than the coffee she brought.

He realizes he’s staring at her lips when he licks his own, “I’m good,” he furrows his brow and clears his throat with a nod.

She smirks at him, “how come you’re the only one still here? Hotch said it could wait till tomorrow?”

“I was waiting for you,” he admits, “but I got carried away setting this up, I never heard you come in?”

“Cause I didn’t,” she scrunches her nose slightly as she straightens her stance. “I saw you working hard and went right to get you a coffee.”

“You’re wonderful,” he blushes as the words slip out, trying his best to keep eye contact when all he wants to do is kiss her.

She pats his arm slightly as she backs up a little, grabbing her bag from where she set it on his desk. “I’m going to set up for the night, come talk to me before you leave?”

“Of course,” he says as she walks away, letting out a small sigh as he realizes just how badly he wants her.

He never gets to talk to her before he leaves, she’s on the phone when hotch comes storming in. Saying something about another body and making Reid leave with him. He’s busy for 3 days straight, thinking about her with every free thought he’s able to squeeze in.

He carries the rock from her in his pocket everywhere he goes; in his pants beside his keys, in his bag with his books, in his breast pocket, over his heart, behind a bulletproof vest. Feeling it press against his chest, a part of her keeping him safe where ever he went.

They finish the case with minimal damage, Spencer specifically making sure that Derek leaves all the doors on the hinges for Y/N’s sake, cleaning up any messes they make so she won’t have to hear about it over the phone. They all notice that he’s doing it for her, quietly appreciating the fact that Spencer is happy for a change, that there’s a glimmer of hope in his eyes again.

He arrives back at Quantico 30 minutes before her shift starts. Everyone else is packing up for the day while he sits at his desk, reading to occupy the time before she comes in.

Only she doesn’t.

30 minutes pass and she’s nowhere to be seen, it’s only 9:02 by the time he starts to panic. Wondering if she’s okay, hoping she’s just in the elevator or grabbing a coffee that’s actually good, somewhere outside of the office.

“Reid,” he hears Hotch calling him from his office door. “She just called in, her grandmother passed away last night so she won't be in.”

“Oh,” he furrows his brow, looking at him with confusion. “How did you know?”

“Penelope,” he smiles. “She’s still here too, and she knows where Y/N lives.”

“It wouldn’t be weird to go see if she’s okay?”

Hotch just smiles at him again, “go see her, Reid.”

Getting her address from Penelope felt a little weird, but she writes it on a sticky note for him and he’s out the door before she can even pry into what he’s going to say. Which is good, because he doesn’t know yet.

It’s late, but he stops by the little rock store on his way to her house. Seeing the lights still on and the same man from before behind the counter.

“Welcome back,” he’s overly cheerful for it being so late. “How did she like them?”

“She likes the ones I’ve given her so far,” he smiles, looking over the wall himself this time for the right one.

Scanning past every emotion and affirmation known to man as he looked around, picking out a beautiful pink Rhodonite for healing grief, supposedly acting as a hug from emotional troubles. And a Rainbow Moonstone for inner peace, harmony and strength.

“She’s lost someone recently?” He asks as Spencer places them on the counter.

“Her grandmother,” he says softly. “These are good, right?”

“They’ll be perfect, we also have amethyst bracelets, they’re good for healing and drawing in positive energy,” he points towards the small display of bracelets. Small purple stones separated with small gold beads.

He picks up 2 of them, placing them on the counter as well.

“Is she still just a crush?”

Spencer laughs lightly, “unfortunately.”

“She might be more after this,” he smirks, ringing him up. “I’ll give you a 2 for one deal on everything, I have a feeling you’ll be in a lot.”

Spencer thanks him as he pays, picking out a small purple bag for the rocks and bracelet. Placing one on his own wrist before leaving. Also picking up some cookie dough ice cream and a card at the corner store just beside her apartment. Remembering all the times Penelope, JJ or Emily has mentioned it being the best ice cream for crying.

He takes a very deep breath before knocking on her door, hoping to every god out there that she doesn’t find this incredibly inappropriate and weird.

“Spencer?” He hears her voice before she even opens the door, looking out the peephole at him.

She whips the door open, eyes puffy and swollen as she looks at him in shock. She’s in a big sweater and shorts, tears dripping down her cheeks as she shakes her head at him.

“I thought you could use some cheering up?” He awkwardly smiles, holding the ice cream up for her to see.

She wraps her arms around his middle, burying her face against his coat. Still crying as she holds him, he holds her with his free hand, shushing her as he presses his cheek to her head.

She pulls back with a sniffle, “come in,” she offers with an arm out, ushering him inside the small room as she closes the door.

He takes his shoes off, handing her the ice cream so he can take off his coat and satchel too. “This isn’t weird right?”

“Not at all,” she laughs slightly through the awkwardness. “You don’t know how much it means to me that you care this much.”

“I brought something for you,” he says as he struggles to dig everything out of his pocket.

He hands her the card and the little purple bag, seeing the overwhelming glance grow on her face. Her eyes grew wide as he mouth opened, speechless.

She opened the card first, reading the passage about grief that was already provided. Dealing with grief was something Spencer knew too well, adding something a little special to the bottom of the card.

“To live in hearts we left behind is not to die,” -Thomas Campbell. As long as you remember her, with a smile on your face and love in your heart, she will always be with you ♥︎ Spencer

She wipes her tears with her forearm, placing the card on the counter beside the ice cream before she opens the bag. She pulls out the bracelet first, absolute shock on her face.

“Spencer?” Is all she can say, in a high squeak as she shakes her head at him.

“I didn’t want you to be sad,” he says softly, stepping into her space and placing a hand on her arm. “I love seeing you smile, and I thought this could help.

He takes the bracelet from her grasp and places it over her hand. Resting it on her wrist softly, straightening it out against her sweater as she notices the matching on over his shirt sleeve.

“Oh this is so cute,” she swoons. “thank you, really Spencer.”

“And there are some rocks for grief healing in there too, one is supposedly like an emotional hug which should heal the grief and sorrow, and the other is more for inner peace and harmony,” he rambles away, not wanting her to miss anything.

She pours the rocks from the bag, into her hand, looking them over silently with a smile, “they’ll look great on my desk.”

“The purple looks nice on you too,” he compliments her, watching her eyes drift up to him.

She places the rocks on the counter before wrapping her arms around him once more. This time he’s able to actually hold her back, tight as possible as he rubs his hand over her back.

She smells like home, clean laundry and happiness. She’s soft and warm, he holds her perfectly against his chest, like she was a missing puzzle piece that someone finally found under the table, she fits into his life like she was supposed to be there.

She kisses his cheek softly before she pulls back, causing him to pull her into a real kiss on impulse. Connecting their lips as she sighs into the contact, melting into his grasp as she kisses him back.

Her lips are soft, fitting between his own gently as she breathes him in. Her hands reach up to grip his cheeks, kissing him again and again, placing pecks to his lips and cheeks with her eyes closed as he giggles.

“Thank you,” she whispers against his lips, “for everything.”

“I’d do anything for you,” he whispers back, kissing her one last time before she pulls away.

“I was actually about to smoke some weed on the fire escape and probably cry some more,” she laughs lightly. “would you like to join me?”

“I’ll stick with a bowl of ice cream,” he smiled awkwardly.

“Nice one,” she laughs as she opens the ice cream.

“What?”

“Oh, you didn’t even get the reference you made,” she laughs lightly, “to get high you smoke a bowl, so…”

It makes him smile, “I'm a comedian part-time.”

He makes her laugh again, loving the sound of her giggle replacing the tears. “Why aren’t you this funny at work?”

He thinks about it for a little, watching her scoop the ice cream into two bowls, “it’s a little hard to make jokes when people's lives are on the line, I know everyone else does but I get too focused.”

“They probably wouldn’t appreciate your jokes even if you did make them,” she says as she handed him a bowl with a spoon. “They’re kind of mean to you, in a family way but it still sucks sometimes to overhear.”

She walks into the living area then, grabbing a few blankets and opening the window to the fire escape. Crawling out to sit on the ledge, waiting for him.

“I don’t mind it,” he says as he finally sits down beside her.

She places the blanket over their laps, both of them sitting criss-cross applesauce as they ate.

“Do you like your job?” She asks him, just like he once asked her.

“Most of the time,” he nodded as he got brain freeze. The cold air, the cold ice cream, everything that was catching up to him as he scrunched his face up at the feeling.

She laughs at him only a bit before she’s also attacked by the brain freeze, holding the vein in her neck as she chokes out another laugh, trying to warm up the blood going to her head so the pain would stop.

They’re both just a mess of giggles together, unable to say any words as they let it all out. She leans her head on his shoulder lightly as they calm down to just soft chuckles. He presses his cheek against her head.

“Thank you, Spencer,” it sounds like she’s crying a bit. “My grandma was a lovely woman, she’d be glad I’m laughing right now.”

He reached out a hand for her to hold over the blanket. She interlocked their fingers softly, both cold from holding their ice cream bowls.

“If she was anything like you, I’m sure she was the most wonderful woman,” he says softly, not intending to make her cry but having a feeling he might.

“Would you be interested in holding me on the couch while I cry?” She asked softly, tears in her eyes as she looked up at him.

“Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”

—

He’s late for work the next morning.

Waking up to the smell of coffee, opening his eyes to a strange view. He’s on a couch he doesn’t recognize in a room he doesn’t know too well.

Then he remembers, they ended up cuddled up on the couch. He wakes up to the memory of her on his chest, crying softly as they listened to some music, he ran his hand over her back while she went through it all, blessed to have his support.

He fell asleep under her at some point, waking up alone with a blanket laid over him. He sat up to see her in the kitchen, pouring coffee into a travel mug.

“Good, you’re awake,” she smiles at him. “Coffee is ready, I uh, I have this button-up shirt from a guy friend, if you wanted to wear that to work today? So they don’t think you stayed here?”

“That’s smart,” he replies as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes.

Getting up, he uses the bathroom, changes and takes that coffee from her. He’s not expecting her to kiss him on the lips at the door, but she sends him off to work like an old housewife.

He doesn’t want to pull away from her, keeping her pressed against him as he leans in for 4 more kisses before she finally pushes him out into the hallway with a laugh, “get to work!”

“Fine,” he sighs, “are you going to be in tonight?”

“Yeah,” she smiles, “funeral is in West Virginia next week, so I’ll be in until then.”

“I’ll see you later?”

She nods slightly with a soft smile, “you’ll be seeing a lot of me soon, Spencer.”

“Good,” he winks at her before heading down the hallway and towards the street entrance.

He sighs as he walks outside, resting his back against the apartment complex door, taking a moment to think about everything that just happened, the night of company and the wonderful send-off.

It was something he could get used to.

He rushes into the briefing room when he arrives at Quantico, sitting down with his coffee and pretending he wasn’t late. Listening carefully to JJ’s presentation of the case as he flips through everything he missed already.

“Wheels up in 30,” he heard Hotch say as he zoned back in. “Nice of you to join us, Reid.”

“I know that travel mug from somewhere,” Derek said as he stared at Spencer, who was taking a sip to avoid the awkwardness.

“Hmm?” He played dumb.

“That’s Y/N’s. She washes it every morning when she leaves to go home, I see her do it every morning,” his eyes open wide. “Holy shit.”

“Isn’t that the same tie and slacks from yesterday?” Emily teased him as well.

“Her grandma died, I brought her ice cream and slept on the couch okay?” He all but yelled, flailing his arms slightly so they’d all back off.

Derek reached his fist out for him to pound it, “good man.”

Then Penelope noticed the bracelet, “did she get you that?”

He sunk his hand into his pocket then, “no.”

“What?” Emily and JJ asked in unison, straining their necks to try and get a good look at what she was talking about.

He nervously held his arm out for them, showing them the purple bracelet resting over the sleeve of his shirt. “I got one for her too, it’s for healing and peace. It’s what she needs right now.”

“Oh, so you love her,” Derek smiles as he teases him. Making everyone else in the room swoon slightly.

“Okay and?”

“Oh my god!” Most of them shout at him, embarrassing him to no end. He was so glad she wasn’t at work this morning or else she would be able to hear this from her desk.

“Did you kiss her?” Rossi pries, asking what everyone else was thinking.

He scrunches his face, pushing his glasses up slightly as he clears his throat, “a few times.”

“Is she your girlfriend?” JJ kept the questions coming.

“Not yet,” he said softly. “Kinda weird to walk into her apartment while she cries to say ‘hey sorry about the death in your family, want to date me?’”

“Yeah,” Emily agrees, shrugging lightly. “At least she knows you like her now, it’s been what? 2 years?”

“2 years, 3 months, 17 days and 43 minutes,” he confirms with a small nod and pressed lips.

“Gross,” Derek teases him.

“The plane is leaving in 10 minutes,” Hotch cut into their fun.

Making them all gather their things and continue the interrogation in the elevator, and eventually on the plane, and in the police precinct. Even Penelope called him in the middle of everything to bug him about her.

The questions were never-ending, everyone wanted to know how they even started talking, who made the first move, how he plans to ask her out. They were relentless, he almost regretted admitting to anything.

They bug him all throughout the day, all the way until they’re arriving back at the BAU late that same night. He almost doesn’t want to go back to the bullpen and see her with all of them, knowing they were going to follow and say something.

She’s waiting in the hall when the elevator doors open, a pressed-lipped smile on her face, “bad news.”

“Another one?” Hotch sighs, “have Garcia send us the info. Be at the table in 10.” He pushes his way out of the elevator, passed them all as they stare at Y/N.

“Hi?” She awkwardly waves at them all, showing off the bracelet on her wrist.

“See ya, Spence,” JJ and Emily say as they matt his shoulder, dragging Derek and Rossi towards the bullpen doors.

“Sorry,” he apologizes for them softly, stepping into her space.

She wraps him up in a quick hug, keeping one arm around his waist as she guides him towards the bullpen, “it’s fine, they’re going to have to get used to us being together.”

“Together?” He repeats her words.

“I only cry on my boyfriend's shoulders, if you're up for the title?” She teases him softly, pinching his side as they walk towards the doors.

“Can I frame “Dr. Spencer Reid, Y/N’s boyfriend” beside my Ph.D.’s?” He keeps his hand on her shoulder, holding each other slightly as they walk towards her desk. He felt like one of those kids who wouldn’t let go of their girlfriend's hand in the school hallway, attached to her at the hip.

“I’ll make one for you while you’re gone,” she laughs lightly.

They stop at her desk where he sees all rocks he got her collecting on the shelf, as well as a cup of coffee and his favourite kind of donut.

“Thought you deserved something nice too,” she says as she nudges his side.

He kisses her on the cheek as a thank you, “you’re welcome,” she smiles to herself. A feeling of pride growing in both their chests.

“See you later?” He asks as he picks up the coffee and donut, walking away slowly as she smiles at him.

“Come home to me safely, Doctor Reid,” her voice is just loud enough for everyone in the briefing room, where everyone is waiting at the window, watching them, deciding to put on a show in return.

He stops on the steps to look at her softly, “I’d fight a thousand unsubs to come home to you.”

“I’ll leave the light on,” she blows a kiss at him, making him blush a deep red.

He waves, making his way up the steps and into the briefing room. A smile on his face, heart thumping in his chest, all the support in the world swarming around him as everyone patted him on the back.

That tiger’s eye really did bring him good luck and happiness, and her name was Y/N.

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