#i forced josh to listen to me read this because it's too fucking good

[littlemisslipbalm]

Bottlerock - Part 2

Josh Kiszka x Fem!reader

Summary: After months apart, Josh makes good on a promise. Distance and communication are hard parts of relationships, can a tenacious journalist and the lead singer be enough for one another? Is love enough...

Heyyy so I'm finally here with an update for y'all! I am so excited for everyone to read this and I really hope you let me know what you think. This part is 19.6k but I already have another 4k written for part 3!! Enjoy and let me know what you think and reblog and all the good stuff...this fic feels like a child to me at this point, I've spent so much time with it.

Read Part 1 here!

Warnings: angsty! nothing too graphic I believe, some sammy drinking, (no weed use I believe this time or smoking of cigarettes surprisingly), SMUT (18+ as always)

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18+ Warnings: unprotected sex, dom!male, sub!fem (mostly I think), soft/loving smut, degradation/dirty talk, mention of praise kink

Enjoy!

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The last few weeks of term were almost like hell for Y/N. Thoughts of Josh plagued her mind relentlessly. So to remedy that, she threw herself into her schoolwork and her big piece. The big piece…about Josh. She forced herself to push off her feelings for Josh in order to finish the piece and get it into the paper. 

When Y/N pitched it to the Editor in Chief, she had been so ecstatic that a member of the major had gotten such a big inside scoop. She’d given her a week to write it and have edits completely done because the physical paper was going to print a week from then. 

So for one week, all Josh was, all he could be, in her mind was a subject. She balked at the recording of his voice from the original interview. Normally, she might listen to it so that she could write the words quickly and accurately but she relied on parsing the words from the flawed transcriber. She couldn’t bear to hear the smile in his voice as he spoke to her for the first time. 

She recounted every possible detail she could about him and wrote it down. Painstakingly creating visuals for the readers so that they could imagine that they were at the festival and speaking with him. Not in his tour bus, not in a lawn chair beside him, not at the winery, but at the barricade speaking with him. Maybe a sprinkle of the visuals of the festival when they spent Saturday together, but other than that no more than the interview. 

The sparkling jumpsuit, the sheen of sweat on his brow, his kind eyes and sweet smile. Scratch the sweet smile, maybe slightly gap-toothed smile was fine but sweet was putting her opinion on it. Same with kind eyes, but she hoped that could be forgiven. It mostly was just a fact. He was a kind man with kind brown eyes that made her want to melt. Fuck. Focus.

The story runs in print as the second long form story and is posted on the website as well. She posts it on her Instagram and plenty of people from her school and her family read it. Josh follows her on Instagram now and after he reads it, he messages her. It’s the first time he’s communicated with her since they parted ways in Napa almost three weeks prior. The tearful goodbye hadn’t really happened, but they’d certainly left on less than perfect terms. 

He texts her. She gulps at the message when his name pops up on her phone. She doesn’t have read receipts on so she clicks on it almost immediately.

“I loved the piece you wrote, I felt like I was back there. I hope you get the recognition you deserve even if it’s just a school paper, best outcomes and all. Your mind is incredible.” 

Her heart feels like it’s going to explode in her chest and stop working altogether simultaneously. Her lips are smiling as she forgets about the French work she was doing in order to study for her final that was at the end of this week. When she puts a hand to her mouth she realizes she’s smiling and drops it immediately. 

Her mind races with Josh’s message. Three sentences. Three sentences more of him than she had before. He bothered to read the piece and tell her his thoughts about it. He felt like he was in Napa again from it. What did that mean to him? Because she knew what it meant to her and it made her heart ache. She ached for the warmth of his skin against hers in his tour bus bed. For the tickle of his facial hair against her when they kissed. For their time together when she hadn’t been scared, but felt seen and appreciated. 

He harkened back to not one, but two of the things that had been so big in those three days. Best outcomes. They were still possible in Josh’s eyes. And her mind was still something he was attracted to. She shut her eyes at the thought. Three weeks of nothing, three weeks of pushing Josh away even though she had to think about him almost constantly. He was in the room with her for three weeks yet hundreds of miles away. Yet this was the first time he had spoken since Napa. 

Her fingers hovered above the keyboard, no clue what to say in response to that. Should she say a simple thank you or should she spill everything she wanted to tell him for the past three weeks? Tell him how hard it was to write the piece? How much she missed him. How much she wanted to be beside him. How she almost hated him for how he made her want him so badly that it distracted her from her work, her studies and the rest of her life. 

No. She imagined him sitting with his phone beside him doing something interesting or at least occupying. Working on music, practicing an instrument, reading a book, playing cards and drinking with Jake. Something. Anything. He wasn’t waiting at the phone for her, they’d started touring again last week. He had sent a nice message because he cared and she cared too so she should send a reasonable response. 

Her fingers began to type. 

“Thank you, Josh. I’m glad you think I did the interview justice. Hope your short break went well, you deserve it.” 

She reads through it three times before sending it, worrying over the use of his name. Was it too formal or too intimate? She couldn’t get a handle on what it was. Deciding to go with her gut, she left it in, sending it and putting her phone on the charger after she decided to shower. 

When she’s out, her phone has a new message but she leaves it, not prepared to worry over whether Josh’s response warranted a response on her end. 

Y/N doesn’t actually read the text until the next morning. But it’s not the first notification that pops up on her phone when she wakes up. Instead there are a flurry of text messages from various friends and hundreds of Instagram notifications. She had an influx of followers and comments since last night. One of the notifications caught her eye the most. 

“@GretaVanFleet tagged you on their story.”

The band’s account had reposted her school’s newspaper post about her interview with Josh and tagged her as well. She had new followers that were mainly fan accounts and comments on her posts asking how she had gotten the interview if she was just a student. 

She grimaced and closed Instagram, not particularly upset, just unsure what to do with that. Her messages app opened and she began to field the questions from her friends about her story getting posted on the band’s story and her getting tagged as well. Her answers varied based on how close she was with people. Eventually she got down to Josh’s text from last night. 

“Of course.” 

Followed by. 

“I asked if they’d post your story on the band’s socials. Hope that’s ok!” 

She shut her eyes and took a deep breath. On one hand, of course it was okay. It was more than okay. This was amazing for her potential career as a music journalist. Having the band repost the story was huge for that. On the other hand, it raised more questions about the interview and how she had gotten such an in depth look at the band. People were already confused how she’d gotten the quotes, now they were going to be shocked that the band cared enough to post about it. 

“Yep! All good. It’s very kind of you to do that, but why’d they tag my personal account?” 

She had to ask. It didn’t make any sense. Her name was on the byline so if anyone wondered who wrote it they could’ve found her easily without the tag. 

Josh’s response is almost instantaneous. 

“No clue! Looks like even more people get to read it now, though, and know you wrote it. Congratulations.” 

She sighs. Of course that’s what he said. The text bubble shows up under his last response and she wonders what he possibly could say next. She wonders if radio silence or communication like this was better for her heart with Josh. 

“A little birdie told me you’re going to be in Dublin when we are performing and that you perhaps already have tickets to the show?” 

A little birdie…Sam. Sam had gotten her number before they parted ways, originally, so that he could get Chloe’s number from Y/N. But after one week of texting with Chloe, Sam had gotten bored, according to himself, and now pestered Y/N whenever he felt like it. They were closer in age and it seemed to her that Sam liked the idea of college life and that he sometimes felt like he missed out on the whole experience. She assured him that it was not as glamorous as being a famous rockstar and he would assure her in return that being a rockstar had plenty of its own downsides. 

For that reason they texted every other day or so. So, Sam knew she had tickets to their Dublin concert but she had told him to not mention it to Josh. They had a strict rule of no talking about Josh when they texted so it’s clear that Sam had fucked up and accidentally told Josh and then refused to fess up to her about it. 

“Tell that bird that he can count his days to Dublin now.”

She can’t see the laugh that Josh sounds when he reads the text or Sam’s flushed face when he reads it aloud to him. She wonders whether they’re all together right now though and pushes it to the back of her mind. The thought makes her too sad, reminding her of the last time she was with all of them. After the winery, after the walk back to the car. Them parting ways…it was all too much. She continues her response to Josh.

Y/N: “Yeah, I’ll be there for about a month after school ends and I bought the tickets for the show last December.” 

Josh: “We should meet up while we’re there.” 

Y/N: “Sure, let me know when you’re free while you’re there bc I can imagine y’all will be far busier and there for a short amt of time.” 

Josh: “Sounds like a plan. See you soon, sunshine.”

She actually chokes on her own breathing this time. They had been texting rather normally. Cordially. And then he’d gone and stuck ‘sunshine’ in there. Sunshine. She wanted to scream. Instead, she threw her phone across the room and got ready to go on a walk. Her headphones were turned up to one below the loudest setting. She let Remi Wolf and any other music that wouldn’t remind her of Greta Van Fleet, or Josh at all, sing into her ears until her legs were starting to get tired and she turned around to walk home. 

Fucking sunshine. Why would he do that to her? 

She doesn’t text Sam for a few days. Ignoring his pestering texts about her weekend plans in her college town and how the bar scene was. She relented by Thursday and sent him a video of a band playing at one of the bars. She sent it with a follow-up text.

Y/N: “Better than the grotty Greta Van Fleet you’re in, snake.” 

Sammy (he’d insisted that his contact be that in her phone – “We’re just close like that.” She had rolled her eyes.): i thought i was a bird, sunshine?” 

Y/N: “Don’t. I hate you.” 

She didn’t but she wanted Sam to know it wasn’t cool that he had told Josh about Ireland. She didn’t know why she didn’t want Josh to know. She wanted to see him again, that was supposed to be their whole deal. But she still worried that it wouldn’t be the same and she’d just keep getting her heart broken. She didn’t want what Jake had said happened before to happen to her. She didn’t want to be hurt by Josh and then have Josh be hurt that he hurt her. It just sounded horrible and messy. 

She got it into her mind that staying away was for the best. She was planning on seeing the concert because she’d spent the money but she wasn’t going to mention it to Josh. Maybe by then she’d have wanted him so much that she surprised him but that was only a small possibility that was now off the table. 

Sammy: “c’mon Y/N, it’s finee. joshy is so excitd to see you and im sure ur excited to see him too.”

Y/N: “Learn to spell, please. Maybe you did need to go to college. Also Rule 1.”

Sam laugh reacts to her message which makes her smile. Maybe it would be nice to see the band again. 

Sammy: “fine, still wanna go guinness tasting in dublin tho???”

Y/N: “Obviously. Now go light some shit on fire or whatever you do with your free time in EUROPE. I need to free my hands up for drinks and dancing.”

Josh mainly stays off Y/N’s mind for the next week and a half. Finals, moving out and her first week in Ireland with her family kept her plenty busy. Sam was busy with touring and being a rockstar so their texting was more intermittent than when they were on break. 

The day before the Dublin concert, she received an email from Ticketmaster telling her that her General Admission tickets had been upgraded, one to VIP and one to Press All Access. VIP wasn’t even an option to buy so she didn’t exactly know what that meant, but as she scrolled through the email there was a personal message attached at the bottom. 

“Can’t wait to see you tomorrow! These passes will get you backstage, in front of the barricade and free drinks at any of the vendors. I’d love to meet your mom too if you want. Best outcomes. - Joshua Michael.” 

Her hand went to cover her mouth. Her jaw had dropped. He had upgraded their tickets and invited her to bring her mother with her backstage. It was settled. Josh wanted to see her. Her heart was beating so fast. It finally hit her. She was going to see Josh finally. In reality it had only been about a month but everything with Josh felt bigger than it actually was. Time took so long with and without him by her side. 

At the venue, she went up to the box office and showed them the tickets and the message she had gotten yesterday. They hand her two lanyards, one with VIP and one that said Press All Access. She smiled down at the press pass and thought about how intentional it was of Josh to provide her with that kind of pass. It was likely going to be the first of many. She gave the VIP to her mother who looked at her curiously, still not understanding what was going on between her daughter and the band they were seeing. 

“Why did he give us these tickets again?” Her mother prodded as they walked to get drinks right away. 

Y/N felt the need to be anything but sober right now and she had no way of getting high so getting drunk would have to suffice. “It was a thank you gift for how good I made him look in my piece. Plus, I’m kind of friends with him and his brother. We text occasionally.” 

The emphasis on ‘friends’ makes her mom back off and Y/N takes a large gulp of the tall IPA she had gotten from the vendor, leaving a tip since it had been free. 

“They might want me to go out with them tonight,” She adds, trying to figure out a way to tell her mom to be okay with it if she didn’t return to the hotel tonight…just in case. 

“So you might not come home?” Her mother finishes for her with an arched brow. 

“I don’t know,” She sighs exasperatedly, gesturing insignificantly towards nothing. “Maybe. I just want to be prepared for anything. This could be really good for my career… Networking and such.” 

“Sure, honey. Just text me when you know.” 

She nods and they walk to the front and get let in front of the barricade. The band isn’t supposed to go on for another 30 minutes so her mom and her chat while Y/N tries to push away the nerves in her stomach that are threatening to make her throw up. Her heart stops when she feels a tap on her shoulder. Thinking it’s Josh, she whips around, but a long-haired, bearded tall man stares at her with a grin on his face. 

“Sam!” She smiles. 

He pulls her into a hug, glad to see a now familiar face. Somehow the weeks of texting had brought them together, making Sam feel like a close friend that she hadn’t seen in a while. So different than how she had first experienced him, smug and a little bratty. She had kept his Queen shirt originally in spite and convenience but now it felt like it was a token to feel close to a friend. 

He says her name in response and pulls back with a friendly wink before turning to her mother and introducing himself. His lanky frame flops about in a casual manner that makes her want to laugh in comparison to her mother’s expression. Her mom was used to meeting celebrities from her husband’s old work, but this was different. Sam was a young rockstar on foreign soil chatting her up. He was effortlessly flirty and her mother was laughing, flushing with schoolgirl embarrassment as he showered her with compliments. 

Y/N laughed and smiled as the three of them talked about how the touring was going so far in Europe and how they had enjoyed their stay in Ireland for the last week. Sam has a security guard escort her mom to the bathroom backstage when she asks about one. Y/N thanks him and when they’re left alone she can’t help but ask about Josh. 

“You know how he is. One strand was out of place and now he’s been fixing his hair for the last 30 minutes,” Sam glances down at his phone and sees the time. “He probably can’t come down here before the show, I honestly should go finish getting ready, too. They’ll start sending out search parties for me if I don’t get back there…Kind of the “talent” as they say. Big deal and all.” 

She rolls her eyes at his grandstanding but she knows he’s just joking now. The first time she’d met him she thought he was serious, but Sam just found all the official-ness of the band silly. If it were up to him, it would be a much more chill experience, relaxed instead of commercialized. All he cared about taking seriously was the music and even with that he was so at home with the bass and the keys it didn’t feel official, it felt natural. 

He gave her one more hug and retreated backstage, waving to her mother as she returned from her escorted bathroom run. 

“Well, he was nice,” Her mom says with a raise of her eyebrows. 

“That’s Sam. Josh is the one I did the interview with.” 

“I know, but it’s nice that Sam came out to say ‘hi’ to you.” 

“Josh is busy getting ready to perform. He said to come backstage after the show.” 

Her mom nods and takes a sip of her drink. Y/N left her with a stagehand when she realized she needed another drink before the show started. Sam told them just to come backstage to get drinks from their rider since they usually had surplus. A PA points her in the direction of the food and drinks. As Sam’s rider would, there are two cases of White Claws. She takes two and an IPA that Jake probably asked for. 

“Stealing, are we?” A raspy voice that sounds chipper questions behind her. 

She spins around to find another Kiszka, but not Josh, once more. 

“Y/N? I didn’t even realize it was you!” Jake looks at her with wide eyes. He was already in his embroidered suit and shiny boots that he was going to perform in rather than whatever ratty clothes he’d normally be wearing, most likely those blue ripped up jeans and a button down with one poor button utilised. 

“Who did you think it was, then?” She tilts her head in curiosity.

Jake laughs and waves her off, not answering the question. She quirks an eyebrow at him. He could be so strange sometimes. He pulls her into a hug in a similar fashion as Sam did. 

“Good choice,” He nods at the IPA in her hand. 

“Sam said I could grab drinks from here.” She supplies and cracks the IPA, still not tipsy enough to not be anxious about being back here when Josh could walk up to her at any moment. She just wanted to get back to the front. 

“He was right to say that,” Jake nods. “It’s good to see you, again. I liked the article you wrote on Josh. You wrote him well. Didn’t sound like such an obnoxious ass.” 

She laughs and shakes her head. “He’s not.” 

“Most of the time, no.” He pauses, considering something and then deciding against it. “Well, I’m gonna go check with the techs about my Les Paul. Someone had misplaced its plug in and I might have to use a different electric tonight if they haven’t found it yet.” 

She nods and lets him leave before hurrying back to the front of the stage where she hands her mother one of the White Claws and sets the other beside her on the ground. 

The band comes out less than 10 minutes later. Danny first, then Sam, Jake and finally Josh. She’s struck with the memory of seeing them come out at Bottlerock. Before she really knew them. Before everything. They were just a band with music she loved. They were a project and now they were friends. And more. They were complicated. Far more complicated than she had originally thought. 

Their intro played and they played their first song of the night. 

Sam is the closest to them and despite how close to the stage they are, she still can’t hear what he says to Josh as they move around, getting settled on the stage. Whatever it is must make Josh look her way, though. His eyes scan in front of the barricade and see her standing with the same black jeans on and a red plaid corset top on. The smile on her face is bright as she looks back at him and he gives her a tiny nod of his head as he smiles back. He returns to looking out at the rest of the crowd, beginning the show. 

It was so inconsequential. That 30 seconds. Maybe it was less, but when he looks away she releases the breath that she had been holding. Almost unable to move with his gaze on her. Her mother refrains from commenting on the way her daughter had frozen up. 

Sam interacts with her and her mom a lot throughout the show, sending winks their way and tossing a flag their way after it had been thrown on stage. Y/N wraps the Irish flag around her shoulders as the night wears on and she starts to get a little colder. 

She moves her eyes around the stage trying to watch all of them perform. Jake’s talent at the guitar is always transfixing and she watches him lose himself in the music. Danny is a force to be reckoned with behind that drum kit. Sam moves with the bass, shutting his eyes and living for the music he makes. Josh is the hardest to watch but also the hardest to keep her eyes off of. He’s so close yet still so far away. She watches him lose himself in the music along with his band mates. Throwing his voice to the extremes and back. Smiling at the crowd and talking them in circles all while stealing glances at her that she pinkens at and then averts her eyes to look at someone else on the stage. 

About half way through the show, she opens up the second White Claw she had procured for herself and drinks about half of it before Sam is gesturing to her. His hand mimics holding a cup as he looks at her while Josh talks to the crowd. Sam waves his hand a little more and pouts his lips before holding the actual cup he had with him upside down, showing that it was empty. She laughs and nods at him to come closer and she walks to the edge of the stage. 

He bends his lanky figure down into a kneeling position, with his cup outstretched and she pours the remaining liquid into the golden plated copper cup. “Thanks, doll.” 

“Gotta reward the talent,” She smiles at him and he winks before clambering back to his feet. 

When she looks away from Sam she notices Josh is looking at their exchange and he smiles but it looks a little forced. She hopes the tightness is from his jaw getting tired from singing. The rest of the show finishes without a hitch, more winks from Sam and glances from Josh, but it all feels okay. 

She walks backstage after the band finishes the encore and she tells a PA her name and they take her to a green room where the band would come before leaving. She and her mother sit on a surprisingly clean couch, awaiting their arrival. The anxiety of seeing Josh up close creeps in again. She remembers his warmth that radiates from him, the smoothness of his skin, the gap in his teeth that she was so enamored with. 

But once again the moment is there before she is prepared. Josh walks into the room and he’s standing before her.

“I told you,” Josh says as the first thing he’s said to her in person in a month. “Only the best outcomes, sunshine.” He picks her up and spins her around in a circle. She pushes her head into his neck, a relaxing breath leaving her mouth and Josh grins. 

The embrace is long and tight and she can’t help how tight she holds him back, not caring about the sheen of sweat that transfers from his skin to hers. He smells clean still and a bit like the heady smell of expensive beer and vape juice. His jumpsuit is a deep crimson with shiny gems that press against her as she wants to stay attached to him forever. She never wanted to let him go but the thought that her mother was watching this made her pull away from the hug.��

“Mom, this is Josh. Josh, my mother,” she gestures at them respectively and her mom stands to shake Josh’s hand. 

Josh must think about his sweaty state and clasps her hand with both of his instead of going for a hug as he might normally. “It’s lovely to meet the mother of such a talented young woman. You must be tremendously proud.” 

“Of course. It was very nice of you to get us these special tickets. Your band is very talented.” Her mother responds with an air of caution. Josh is about the same height as Y/N’s mother and they look at each other curiously. 

She doesn’t quite understand, but Y/N pushes forward, not wanting to ponder on why her mom had liked Sam so much but not Josh. He was lovely. The literal sun in her eyes. Maybe that blinded her to him, but how would she know that? 

“Did you like the show?” Josh looks at Y/N to respond, a tilt of his head and a half smile on his face. 

She nods with a smile on her lips, the giddiness of being next to Josh again was hard to contain. “Loved it, of course. The crowd here was so different from Bottlerock.” 

Josh hummed as he thought about it and then nodded, “Yeah, I think you’re right. Different energy. I was worried, though, you weren’t dancing as much as last time.” 

Her mom shoots her a look since Y/N had said she hadn’t met them until after the show – which was true. 

She laughs with a shake of her head, “Yeah, well, I wasn’t front and center so it’s not like you could see me the whole time.” 

“Yeah, you were on Sam’s side this time.”

“I wanted to be off to the side so the fans in the front didn’t have to look around us.” 

Josh nods in understanding and then lights up with an idea. “Do you want to come get a drink with us after we’re all refreshed?” He turns to her mother, “You’re more than welcome to join us, as well.” 

As her mother is about to decline, Sam waltzes into the room, overhearing Josh’s question as he enters. “C’mon at least for the first round, Mrs. Y/LN. I promise they’re all on Josh and you can tell me what you thought about the show. Plus, I need someone to keep my company since Y/N originally promised to go Guinness tasting with me but now I doubt she’ll have time tomorrow.” 

Her mother laughs and Sam gives her a side hug which causes Y/N to wrinkle her nose in mild confusion. Her mom agrees to go for the first round and Josh watches his little brother interact so well with the mother of the woman he had been longing to see for the last month. 

After the first round, where Sam continued to woo Y/N’s mother, she bids her farewells and leaves her daughter with the band that was seemingly helping her to become the music journalist she wanted to be. Her mother also seemed to really trust Sam so she didn’t exactly have a problem leaving her daughter alone with all four of them anymore. 

Finally alone with the band, everything seems a little more relaxed. She wasn’t worried about Jake or Sam ratting her out about her more-than-friendship with Josh to her mother. Not that it wasn’t obvious to her mother, but she didn’t need to know explicitly what had gone down between the pair. 

Y/N finds herself tucked under Josh’s arm rather quickly and she rests her empty palm on his thigh. It starts out as a comfort thing, just a way to be close to him, but as more rounds happen, her hand slips higher and closer to his inner thigh. 

“I like this little onesie,” She whispers to Josh when Danny, Jake and Sam have gotten fascinated with another conversation that wasn’t of interest to her. 

He smirked down at her, tilting his head in the oh-so-familiar way she had missed. 

He was wearing a dark cream colored jumpsuit that was made out of soft fabric and had a triangle graphic on the right side of his chest in dark brown thread. It tied at his waist and was loose in most places besides his waist where the tie pulled and accentuated his groin. Her hand was just about to brush over it when Jake said his twin’s name, pulling them out of their little universe that wasn’t as private as they thought. 

“Next rounds on you,” Jake says with a tilt of his head and a shake of his glass. “I closed my tab last time,” he says with a smirk.

Josh grins widely, a little drunkenly even, and slides out of the booth with a silly wink towards her before walking away. Her side is now cold from where Josh’s body had just been hugging against her. Her hand falling to the worn vinyl beneath her instead of its place on the firm yet plush covered flesh of Josh’s thigh. She readjusted her position in the booth, crossing her legs over themselves.

Sam, to her left, engages with her about something she mentioned seeing in Ireland last week that he had wanted to go see while they were there but wouldn’t have the chance. She pulls her phone out to show him some of the pictures she took at the cliffs of Moher. They lean into one another to look at them in the dimly lit pub. 

Josh returns with a sloshing pitcher and she smiles, still giddy and excited by the prospect that Josh was here with her and everything was back to how it was. He had promised that they would see each other again and things would be okay and he had been right. There was a nagging voice inside of her reminding her of Jake’s words from the winery still. But she tried to push it off. She was content being with Josh when they were together and not being really with him when they were apart. It made the most sense anyways. Plus, it wasn’t like he was doing this with other people. It was just her. He wanted her, she just had to continue telling herself that. 

He slips into the booth and she indulges in pressing her head into his shoulder and looking up at him with fluttery eyelashes. 

“Hi, sunshine,” He greets softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead that is a little more wet than it probably should have been. She didn’t care, any touch from Josh was welcome, it all felt so right. 

Her hand returns to his thigh and his arm goes back around her shoulder comfortably. Another conversation picks up as Jake and Sam get sloshed, Danny slows down, realizing he was going to need to be in charge of getting the two of them back to their hotel rooms with Josh preoccupied with his journalist. 

As they’re getting ready to leave, her excited to have Josh pressed against her once more, she sends a text to her mother confirming that she won’t be coming back to their hotel for the night but not to worry because she was safe. Her fingers are a flurry over the keyboard before slipping it back into her pocket. Jake looks at her with Josh’s arms wrapped around her and tilts his head, a smirk on his face. 

“Getting ready to write a follow-up?” 

“I think I’ve had enough of the Greta Van Fleet interviews, for now.” She replies, not really understanding Jake’s jab or maybe it was an innuendo. She didn’t get it either way. 

He waves her off and stumbles a little, relying on Danny to continue standing still. She grimaced at Josh’s twin’s inebriated state and looked to Josh in concern. 

“He’s fine, sweet pea. Jakey just drinks himself under the table for fun sometimes.” 

She shrugs in agreement, but doesn’t love the sound of that. Her own drunken mind doesn’t stay focused on it for long, Josh’s warmth distracting her once more. She needed to feel him again. Ever since Napa, she’d felt empty. She needed Josh to fill that void both emotionally and physically. She needed him to cradle her now and then wreck her in his hotel room. It made her so happy to be his, happier than any other man had ever made her. 

After stumbling their way back to the hotel, the band parts ways. Sam and Danny give her hugs and nods of heads to Josh. Another wink from Sam, similar to the first time he had left them and they’d made out. Jake salutes them and tells them not to be too loud, this place was old and didn’t really have any soundproofing. The guys laugh and she feels herself flush. Danny drags Sam and Jake towards their rooms when Jake starts rambling about the wonders of soundproofing. 

In Josh’s room, the lights are off and they stay off as the two of them almost trip over one another. Josh locks the door behind them haphazardly with his lips crashing against hers. A moan leaving her lips immediately at the feel of him against her. She drops the jacket he had lent her earlier carelessly on the floor, preoccupied. 

“I’ve missed you so fuckin’ much,” He rasps and talks against her skin. His hands smoothing over her hair. “I hope you’re well rested, baby, because we’re not going to get much sleep tonight.” 

She laughs as Josh nods in complete seriousness. His hands roaming around her body, unable to get enough of the feel of her skin. He flicks on the bedside lamp and groans at the sight before him. She was barely undressed, just the first few snaps of the corset were undone exposing more of the tops of her breasts and the button of her jeans was open, but Josh couldn’t help himself. Seeing her lying back on his bed, already flushed with anticipation. He wanted her so badly. Had imagined this moment in various ways since they had parted. Fucked his hand as a sad replacement for her cunt, imagining it was her writhing beneath him, moaning his name and whimpering so beautifully. And now it was here. She was here in front of him, ready for it all. 

“I’ve missed you so much, Joshua. I didn’t let myself admit just how much until I saw you.” 

His eyes darken at the use of his full name. She remembered what it did to him to hear her say it. 

“I’m gonna make up for it, angel, promise. Gonna make the sweetest love to you, worship this body the way it deserves. Fuck you how you like so you make all those pretty sounds again.” He kisses over her skin as he talks, continuing to unhook her top and squeeze her covered breasts. “I dream about it every night. The way you said my name and came so hard around me. You’re so precious to me, fuck.” He loses his train of thought when she moans and arches up into his touch. 

“Too many clothes,” He mutters, unhooking the corset completely and moaning at the sight of her now naked breasts. 

She smirks at his expression, jaw slightly slack as he took in her naked form. She loved the way he looked at her, making her feel like she was perfect. She kisses him quick before shimmying her pants off and kicking them to the floor. Josh’s lips find themselves on one of her nipples, sucking it in and laving his tongue over it needily. Josh’s shirt and pants were gone in an instant or maybe he’d pulled his shirt off the minute they were at the bed. It was all happening so quickly she could barely keep up. Plus, she was mostly focused on Josh’s sweet, plump lips that had been smiling at her all night. His kiss was intoxicating and she never wanted to sober up. 

With his lips occupied around her tits, she was left to caress other parts of Josh. Her hands ran through his soft curly hair as he sucked on her, each nipple receiving quality time between his lips. He groaned at the heavy feel of them in his mouth. She arched her back further as he caressed her ribcage with his hands, his blunt fingernails scratching her ever so softly, and hers fell to his shoulders. His smooth, broad yet also petite shoulders. In the warm glow of the lamp, she could see the little freckles that littered them, invisible in photos, but inches away, clear as day. His shoulders were strong and taught as he held himself against her and she squeezed his upper arms, needing to feel every part of him. So soft, she wanted to never let him go. 

Eventually, she whines for Josh to move on from his showcase of love for her tits. As much as she enjoyed it, she needed him to focus elsewhere. Her clothed core was almost quivering with the lack of friction it had received so far. Josh was between her legs but mostly hovering his hips above hers, teasing her with his hard, covered cock occasionaly rubbing against her and keeping her from getting any friction by herself. 

He shimmied down with a knowing smirk on his lips. “Does something else need a little attention?” He looks up at her as his hands ghost over the fabric and she wishes she had just taken off her panties with her pants. Josh seemed to love to tease her. He presses his slender fingers firmly against her already pulsing clit and covered folds. “Your needy little cunt…Fuck, soaked again, angel. Were you wet at the bar tonight?” 

She bites her lip to suppress a whimper as he presses his hand harder against her, rubbing tight circles over her clothed clit, getting the fabric between their skin more and more drenched. Her hips buck unintentionally and Josh’s other hand moves to hold her right hip down as his right hand remained constant. 

“Answer the question, baby.”

“What question?” She asks breathily and Josh wonders if she really hadn’t heard him or was just playing coy. 

“Were you wet thinking about me fucking your cunt while we were sat at a table with my brothers?” He speaks slowly, expanding on his question as he pushes the wet almost uncomfortable fabric against her pussy. 

She tries to collect her thoughts and not think about anyone but Josh because he was all she wanted. She wanted him and she wanted him to give her what she needed. Relief. Ecstasy. 

One of her hands ran through his hair as he stared patiently, waiting for her response. 

“Got wet when I saw you come on stage in that red velvet jumpsuit. You look so sexy in that one. Fuck, please Josh…Joshua.” She adds his full name and she’s rewarded with him swiftly pulling down her panties and discarding them somewhere unbeknownst to her. 

Josh’s moan is almost a growl as he plunges one finger inside her slick folds. “Fucking gushing, just like last time.” He gets distracted by her arousal. She’s too enamored to ever feel embarrassed about it with Josh, he makes her feel so warm with his words. 

His hips grind against the bed and she whimpers at the thought that just fingering her is turning him on so much. 

“Thank you for telling the truth, angel. I think you deserve a reward.” He tilts his head as if it’s a question but his tone is clear that it’s not. He keeps his eyes on her as he lowers his face down and kitten-licks between her folds, bumping her clit. 

One of her hands flys to her mouth to muffle the guttural moan that almost escaped her, the memory of Jake telling them not to be too loud echoes in her mind. Why was Jake’s voice always in her head?

Josh spreads her folds with his hand that was pressing down her hips and sucks at her clit with more vigor. Her body starts to arch and constrict without much choice of her mind. He adds another finger to pump into her and his eyes are half-lidded as he watches her fall apart before him for the first time in a month. 

“Have you touched yourself thinking about this moment, angel?” Josh questions against her core, pumping his fingers languidly into her to prolong the pleasure as he curls them ever so slightly. “I have.” 

She moans out and bucks her hips once more, “Always think about you when I touch myself.” 

“Fuck, baby.” He rasps, almost in disbelief, but he knows it’s the truth. She’s so fucked out already, she seems incapable of lying. 

When her first orgasm hits, Josh removes his lips from her pussy with a gentle kiss to her clit and pumps her through the waves. “Just like that, baby. So pretty when you cum. Absolutely breathtaking,” He compliments. He crawls back up to kiss her lips and moves his hands to lift her legs up, bringing her knees up beside her chest. She moans just from that movement, with Josh’s core against her. 

“Are you ready to be fucked, angel?” 

And again she’s moaning just from her lover’s words because the way Josh says ‘fuck’ is possibly the best thing in the world. Even better when he rasps it right against the shell of her ear. 

“Please fuck me, Joshua. I’ve felt so fuckin’ empty without your cock.” 

He loved her voice and how it sounded so sexy yet simultaneously innocent when she asked him sweetly to fuck her. When she shared her secrets about missing his cock, that missed her so much in return. 

Josh’s eyes slip shut at her words and he nods his head, brushing his unruly curls against her forehead before placing a soft kiss there. “Let’s fuck,” He breathes her name and it feels more filthy than anything else he had said or any name he might’ve called her before. 

He lined up his cock immediately, wanting to please her immensely. They breathe and whimper together when Josh slips in and bottoms out completely after a few moments. 

“So full,” She says softly as Josh looks in her eyes again. 

“Feels so good, my cock fucking loves your cunt, baby.” He rasps, steeling himself for the drawback of his hips. 

Her pussy flutters around him at his words and he smirks down at her, knowing exactly why. His hips begin to slam into hers. The angle of her hips with her legs in the air allows for a lewd clapping sound to fill the room that spurs on both of them, but especially Josh.

“Taking me so well,” Josh grunts, slamming his hips hard yet measured. One of his hands comes down to tweak one of her nipples and she moans, open-mouthed as she stares at him. He licks into her mouth and she hums in happiness. 

“God, you’re just so fucking hot, baby. I wanna fuck you forever. Perfect cunt, so wet, so soft, so tight. Holding the secrets of the world right inside that pussy.” 

“Josh,” She moans with a bit of a laugh and he thinks she’s close, feeling her tightening around his shaft. 

“Cum if you want,” He breathes. “I’ll happily make you cum again.”

“No,” She manages, putting her feet against the mattress. 

Josh slows his movements in confusion. 

“I wanna ride you, Josh. Wanna cum on top.” 

Josh’s eyes widen and she feels electric with the look of wonder he’s giving her. “Of course, angel. Whatever you want.” 

He slips out of her and positions himself at the top of the bed, opening his legs a little and waiting for her to climb on top of him. She kisses up his warm, heaving, slightly sweaty chest as she moves her legs to the outside of his hips. 

Her hands push back his hair and run through it as she rubs her pussy against his shaft. Josh shivers at the connection, knowing he needed to release soon. Her back arches as she writhes and kisses him. He lets her do what she wants as his hands trail up her thighs and squeeze at her ass. They travel up her hips and her back, following the arch of her spine and go to the front. 

“C’mon now,” He speaks with a tilt of his head. “Stop teasing.” 

She smiles at him and kisses his lips before moving along to his jaw. “I just like touching you, Joshua. Can’t get enough, I get distracted.” 

His hands roam back down to her ass and squeeze and knead the soft flesh there and she moans against him. One hand snakes down between them to finally slip Josh’s cock back in. He sighs in relief and instant arousal now that his cock is back inside its heavenly home. She grinds experimentally as Josh’s hands give her an eager guide. She follows the push and begins to bounce down on him, making her arch her back further in pleasure. This presents her tits directly to Josh’s eyes and he takes the opportunity to have them back in his mouth. She moans out at the warm wetness of Josh’s lips and tongue against her skin. And he hums happily at her response. 

“It’s a privilege to be fucked by you, angel,” He breathes wetly against her skin. “Experience of a lifetime.” 

Her hips bounce faster at his words, almost shocked by his admission, and Josh can’t help but slap the cheeks between his hands to aid her towards her finish. 

He releases the nipple that had been being lovingly sucked in his mouth in order to encourage her to finish around him. 

“Are you gonna cum, angel? Will you let me feel all your sweet juices release around my cock?” 

She nods her head, saying breathlessly, “Of course.” 

“Then cum, want you to cum right now for me. Because I’m about to explode, your pussy’s so good to me, I can’t take it.” 

“You can cum in me, Joshua,” She reassures, smoothing her hands over his chest as she begins to bounce down harder on his cock, the first waves of her orgasm beginning to rise within her. 

“Wha- are you sure, Y/N?” Josh asks, almost losing composure. 

“Yeah, baby, I want you to cum in me.” Her head touching the top of his. “Wanna feel your cock inside me when you cum.” 

“Fuck,” Josh rasps, his head falling into her chest. His ropes of cum almost immediately spurting inside her walls. 

She works him through his orgasm, forgetting momentarily about her own to bounce more steadily around his cock. The throbbing of him inside of her was making her clench harder around him and her fingers dug into his shoulders harder in an attempt to stay concentrated. Josh’s chest was heaving as he came back to Earth, his cock beginning to feel overstimulated inside her cunt. 

When he pulls his head back from her damp chest and looks in her eyes, she slows and moves to pull off of him. Josh’s hands on her hips keep her from slipping him out of her. 

“Josh, no, you’re almost shivering with how sensitive you are,” She pets his right cheek, bright and flushed from the exertion. 

“Just give me a minute, you’re one hell of a motivator.” He rasps, still sounding fucked out from his orgasm minutes prior but he tries for a smile on his face. “That was so fuckin’ hot, baby.” His lips capture hers in another searing kiss, but she can feel his exhaustion seeping through. 

“It’s okay, Josh, I’m good. I’m content with stopping. I just want you to hold me and we can kiss a little.”

Josh nods but seems saddened when he should be happy, elated even. “But I wanted to make you cum again.”

She smiles at his adamance but removes herself from his body to go clean herself up. The lost orgasm was there inside of her and Josh’s tone didn’t make her want him any less, but it wasn’t going to be his dick that got her off – at least not right now. 

“You can,” She calls from the bathroom, “Just maybe give your dick a breather, old man.”

“Hey,” Josh says and he’s closer than she realized, thinking he was waiting in the bed for her. 

He’s behind her in the reflection of the mirror in an instant. His lips trail along her neck as she looks up from the sink, her hands falling away from the faucet. 

“I am not that old,” He breathes against her and she feels frozen. He connects his lips against the skin of her shoulder tenderly and she sighs. His hands came up to hold the sides of her arms, keeping her in place and holding her up as his warmth encases her. 

“Josh,” She responds in a broken voice. He felt so good, she wanted him to make her cum so badly. It was euphoric to fall apart for him and to see him want it so badly. “I need you…your fingers or something. Can you do that for me?” 

“Yeah, baby. I’m back on Earth and truly all I want is to see you orgasm beneath me. It’s magnificent. Your body is a wonder.” His lips continue ghosting over her skin as he trails his hands down her arms and onto her stomach, twirling around her sides and hips, her thighs, her cunt. 

Her breathing getting heavier again, she feels his touch and the strength of his body behind her, supporting her as he cages her between himself and the counter top. A flick of his expert fingers causes Josh to swipe through her still wet folds. She whimpers, sensitive and ready for him. 

Josh pauses and uses his free hand to push them further together, it feels so safe and comforting yet so hot and filthy, her head falls onto his shoulder. 

“Perhaps back to bed, hmm?” Josh questions with a press of his fingers on her sternum and a nibble at the shell of her ear. She nods meekly and lets him guide her back. 

He guides her to lay on her back, pillows propping her back so she can still see Josh without having to strain. His hands gently bring her knees to bend and then spread them slowly, agonizingly showing herself to him. The sound that emits from Josh’s throat could be categorized as a growl as he is so enamored with her body warm and weeping for his touch. 

His deep brown eyes flicker up to her face with a seriousness she can’t place. An intense passion she was unconsciously unaware of. They bore into her soul as he speaks, his hands still rubbing against the skin of her inner thighs, making her wriggle. 

“I’m gonna make you feel so good, angel. You don’t have to ask to cum, just take your pleasure. I want you to let go whenever you want, don’t hold back. Please.” 

His voice is deep and she moans just at his words. She knew Josh was a giver but this was too good. It was so good it was almost painful that she would have to go without it for an unknown period of time after this. Almost too painful, but she focused on Josh here and now. 

He starts with his fingers again, gently massaging around her clit and her entrance that was sufficiently wet and open from Josh’s dick earlier. She moans and writhes with his movements, telling him how good he was with his fingers until something wet and warm makes contact with her clit making her gasp louder than before. Her eyes had been closed so she had missed when Josh had dipped his head down and decided to lick her cunt again. The sight in front of her made her moan, the mess of curls atop Josh’s head that bobbed as he moved his tongue around her cunt. Licking and sucking at her nub and twirling around her entrance with a ferocity she had never experienced before. Josh was intent upon her pleasure with his tongue. An expert tongue at that. The way it moved was reminiscent of his singing, the way he opened up his mouth and let his tongue come to the front, moving about as he sang incredible notes. 

He hummed against her flesh which sent vibrations through her, drawing her closer to her orgasm that kept building and building, promising to be earthshaking. 

“Feels so good, Josh,” She feels herself lose control of her words as the waves of pleasure overtake her. “Never want it to end. Love having you between my legs.” 

Her words push Josh to work her further through the waves of orgasm that begin rippling through her. Her words turn to whimpers as her body writhes against the bed and he uses a free arm to splay across her hips and hold her down. 

When she comes down with a few extra pumps to her core from Josh’s fingers and a final kiss to her clit, he smiles down at her. “Fucking beautiful,” He breathes her name and she smiles shyly at the intimacy of hearing her name on his lips. The lips that had just brought her to euphoria. 

He kisses her sweaty forehead once with a caress of her cheek before retreating to the bathroom to clean her up more. A warm wet cloth is passed over her forehead and then her chest and then between her legs. Josh works gently, kissing her heated skin and rubbing fingertips along it. His caress is so sweet, if she weren’t so blissfully content she might have cried. She wanted this to be her life. To be with Josh and have him care for her after he makes love to her. Every day. Because what was that if not love that they had just made in his bed. It had been hot sure, but once Josh had cum he made sure to attend to her body with the utmost care, pre and post her orgasm. 

The thoughts barely crossed her conscious mind as she was too wrapped up in the reality of Josh right in front of her. His soft rosy cheeks that lifted when he smiled at her and the smooth warm expanse of his chest that he offered as a pillow for her head when he returned to the bed. The content smile on his lips was exquisite, her fingertips reaching up to dance over their pinkness with familiarity. He puckered them to press a soft kiss to her pointer finger and she giggled. 

“Can I play with your hair?” She inquires with a quick look up at Josh’s face above hers. His eyes flicker down to her from their focus on the ceiling. 

“Of course. Whatever you want, sunshine.” 

She nods her head and nestles it against his chest again before blindly tracing up his face to find his scalp. His hair was feathery soft and curled to perfection. Her fingers loosely meandered around them. Josh’s hands hold her body close to his, one hand on her waist, the other between her shoulder blades. Their legs intertwined together. Their naked bodies innocently pressed together with a single blanket near their hips. 

Josh’s eyes slip shut at her caress and he doesn’t mind the silence. A secret comfort of his he didn’t seem to indulge in too much. Silence. Silence with Y/N wasn’t overwhelming or indulgent, it felt peaceful.

“This might be too much,” She speaks, breaking the silence as her hand trails back down Josh’s face and down his neck, across his collarbone, finding rest at his shoulder. Her voice is a hair above a whisper as she says her next words, face still against his chest, her eyes mapping across the room. “But…I think I love you, Josh.” 

“I love you, too,” Josh replies easily, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

Her head flicks up and squeezes his shoulder, imploring him to open his eyes and look at her. Her eyes are wide and questioning at his words. “More than how you love other people?” 

“In a different way than how I love other people.” Josh confirms. 

“Like in love?” 

“What is ‘in’ love?” He questions, his voice still calm and at ease, not feeling the need to flee from this conversation with her. “I love being with you, I love your mind, how it works, how you interact with the world. When I see you, I light up. I am happy with you. I love you.” 

It’s so simple to him. She tilts her head in confusion. 

“I don’t like when people say ‘in’ love, like it’s a state you can get out of, that people can fall from. The way I love you, I’m never going to be able to get out of that. Does that make sense?” He continues.  

She nods her head and pushes herself up to kiss his lips softly. Her breath is soft yet heavy as she presses against him for a moment before resting her forehead against his. Their eyes meet. Josh’s wide and earnest as she looks in them. 

“I don’t think it’s a state I’ll ever be able to get out of either. I’m in constant wonder when I’m with you.” She shuts her eyes for a moment. “I wanted to tell you I loved you when you were about to make me cum, but I was worried I’d make it weird, but I knew I had to say something since you’re leaving tomorrow.”

Josh’s hand leaves her waist to caress her cheek now, the back of his hand a gentle reminder of everything that had transpired between them in the last few hours. She smiled, albeit a little sullenly. The moment was bittersweet. She didn’t want it to end and neither did Josh, he was just a little better at being optimistic than she was. It was getting harder, though. Each goodbye was clearly always going to be harder than the last. 

“It wouldn’t have made it weird,” He chuckles and kisses the tip of her nose. “Thank you for telling me. I don’t know if I’d have had the courage to say it otherwise.” 

She awwed and continued to see this sweeter, quieter Josh that she loved just as much as the initial confident and flirtatious Josh that had trounced off stage at Bottlerock. It had been there, just below the surface when he had given her the chance to speak but he was revealing more and more of himself to her as time went on, which she loved and appreciated. 

“We can spend a half day together tomorrow, before our flight. Sammy was right, we have a bit of time.” 

“Okay,” She nods and moves back to her position with her head against his chest. “I love you.” 

“I love you.” Josh holds her close. 

She felt giddy that she could just those three words and know it was reciprocated. Being with Josh, just the two of them, it was perfect. It was magnificent and she was content. It was almost incomprehensible how happy she was to be in his arms, she never wanted it to end…

-

They go to a museum the next day. Josh was eager to soak in the Irish culture, apparently. The rest of the band said the same but said that going to a Guiness tasting seemed like a better way to do so. Josh rolled his eyes at his brothers and hugged Y/N tighter before leading them off to walk to her hotel and then the museum that were both close by. 

The half of day transpires how it should. Josh laughs at Y/N’s jokes and she, in turn, laughs at just about everything Josh does. He regales her with his travels that have occurred since they’d last seen each other – South America and Europe. 

She watches him move through life and tries to commit every part of it to memory. He pulls her along into the museum and up to various paintings he finds fascinating. 

She has a film camera that she produces and takes a few pictures of him being entranced by the world. Last time, in Napa, she had refrained since it had felt so new. Now it felt steady, constant, safe to do the things she might normally with a friend or somebody whom she loved. 

He notices it after the second picture she takes and he grins, insisting that they have someone take a picture of them together. She tries to tell him it’s alright, but Josh is already walking up to a random passerby and imploring them to take a picture of the pair. His unique American midwestern accent is jarring to the other museum goer but Josh’s personality in this situation is so exuberant they have a hard time keeping a smile from their face and immediately agreeing. 

Y/N blushes and tries to still shake her head at Josh, but he shrugs at her and whispers a ‘c’mon’ with an accompanying hand gesture. He hugs her close and she smiles at the proximity as well as the now familiar scent that was Josh, maybe a little less weed than last time. Just as the stranger signals they’re about to take the picture, Josh does something rather uncharacteristic of himself, in her opinion, and instead of smiling goes to kiss her cheek. 

She had felt the movement and turned to look at him with confusion, causing his lips to catch the edge of her own and a surprised look to raise on her face. The shutter of the camera and the film advancing sounded a few feet in front of them. Josh’s lips stayed attached to her face and they spread into a smile against her. She laughed at the sheer oddity and pulled away after giving him a quick peck on his lips.

She took charge and thanked the stranger, taking her camera back from them. When she turns back around, Josh is grinning at her with wild eyes and she shakes her head in amusement once more. 

“What was that?” She asks, but it’s loving and not at all upset by his antics. 

He takes her into his arms, wrapping them around her shoulders and tucks his head to her shoulder, “Just couldn’t help myself. Looked over and saw how beautiful you looked with that big ol’ smile on your face.” 

She smiled and wrapped her arms around Josh’s slender waist, tugging him tighter against her. That comment right there was enough to make her never want to let him go. 

The hours flew by as they laughed and talked together, going to a pub for some lunch before she walked with Josh back to the band’s hotel. They’d dragged it out as long as possible. It had to end. She had to let go, there was a plane waiting for him. There were fans and stadiums and roses and memories that all didn’t…couldn’t involve her, waiting for Josh when he walked away from her. 

When Josh walked into the foyer with his suitcase – he had insisted she stay down there rather than in his room because he said he wouldn’t be able to control himself with her and a bed in such close vicinity, she had laughed but been slightly dismayed – she tried to will away the tears that were beginning to form behind her eyes. 

Josh was in a different darker brown onesie with matching vans. She didn’t have the heart to tell him she kind of hated high top vans, it didn’t matter with Josh. The rest of the band was already in their car, a manager was waiting impatiently next to her, tapping their foot and checking their watch. Josh had really really cut it close. 

“Until next time, Sunshine?” Josh asks with a quirk of his head, a smile trying and failing to take residence on his face. 

She rolled her lips into her mouth, flattening them into a straight line, and looked up to the ceiling. She could barely look at him anymore, she had had half a mind to just run before he had come back down, but she had stayed. God, she wished she hadn’t. This was so hard. Too fucking hard. Best outcomes meant they’d see each other again, but when? When would she see him again?

Josh’s hand on her shoulder brought her eyes back to his face. His honey brown eyes wide and expectant as he awaited her answer. 

She sighed and managed a watery smile, “Yeah, of course. Best outcomes.” 

“That’s my girl,” He smiles and leans in to kiss her lips. The passion is there behind the sadness. His lips on hers are insistent, trying to communicate his care for her and she feels it, grasping the fabric on the front of his outfit, pulling him as close to her as possible. 

A gruff cough pulls them away from each other and she tries to sneakily wipe a stray, pesky tear from her eye before anyone else can see. 

Josh nods to his manager and then gives Y/N one last quick hug with a murmured “I love you” in her ear. 

She smiles when he pulls away and her voice won’t come out louder than a hoarse whisper, “I love you, Josh.” 

She lets him walk out of the hotel and she sits down on a couch in the waiting area giving it a solid 10 minutes before she gets the strength to walk out of the lobby. The car is gone, thankfully. Her hands tremble just at the sight of the street, who knows what might have happened if they hadn’t pulled away yet. 

As she walked home, she tried not to feel so sad about the whole situation. It wasn’t an ending, it was to be continued. Josh loved her. She loved him. They’d be okay. She felt more sure of it this time. 

The next few months go by in a whirlwind. Y/N returns to the United States, spends a month at home and then packs up for her study abroad in France. 

She tries to not think about Josh or dwell on the thoughts of his face and his warmth and his kindness…She finds herself getting caught on thoughts of him more often than not and it makes her so anxious to think about where he is or what he’s doing that it’s a struggle to focus on anything else. She listens to a playlist she made with Josh in mind on loop. It’s filled with John Denver, mostly, and she tears up to his beautiful voice, hoping and wishing that Josh might happen to be listening to the same songs.

They’ve kept in touch more since Ireland, but Josh is busy and terrible with keeping his phone on him, let alone using it properly. If it were any other man, she probably would’ve broken it off by now because of the issues with communication but she knew he was actually trying. The excuse of being busy wasn’t usually a good one in her book, but with Josh, she knew he was actually busy and not just blowing her off. He was seeing the world, making memories, living a dream life. She didn’t want to hold him back from that life just as she wouldn’t want the same thing to happen to her, so she never held it against him when a text wasn’t responded to instantly or whatever. 

Josh also liked to call on the phone, rather than text, which she honestly appreciated. She loved hearing his voice, his strange accent that was just to the left of truly midwestern. He’d mumble about things he missed about her and grumble about the various things that were disturbing him of late – she could listen to him talk about whatever he wanted for hours on end if either of them had the time. She shares her plans and he lights up at the thought of her being abroad in the Fall  – especially France, a country he and the band had adored while touring in the summer. 

They weren’t really dating, if she was honest. When they talked over the phone, it felt more just like they were friends. Neither of them had said ‘I love you’ since Ireland and she tried not to feel saddened by that. It made sense and she just needed to be confident that Josh’s feelings hadn’t changed since they’d been apart. 

She and Josh agreed that they wouldn’t be in contact for her first month in Paris. She had told him that she needed to get settled and try to make friends in the city and her new school. He had agreed to give her the space she needed. Their friendship/relationship felt rather adult in her mind. She communicated her needs and Josh respected them. Granted he was now an ocean away, so giving her space wasn’t necessarily hard. Still, at the beginning of the month, she fell asleep and woke up thinking about Josh and wishing she could really call him hers. As it went on, she didn’t realize, but some of those thoughts became less constant. 

Her and Sam kept in touch even more than her and Josh, which she chalked up to him being better with his phone. A fact she thought was incredibly funny since he always espoused how much he despised cell phones, more than any of his brothers. What she didn’t know or couldn’t have realized was how Josh might have felt about her still talking to Sam during her first month in Paris when she told him she couldn’t talk with him. 

-

On a slightly rainy day in Paris, about a week before Halloween, she heard the buzzer for her apartment. She thought that maybe Allie, her roommate, had forgotten her key when she had gone out to get coffee half an hour ago. 

She goes over to the intercom and presses a button, “Allie?” 

A person responds with a slightly gruff sounding voice warbled out, “Une livraison.” A package.

She purses her lips and shrugs. It was getting close to Halloween so maybe her parents or Allie’s had sent a care package since Halloween wasn’t all that big in France. “Okay, un moment. Merci.” She presses the button that unlocked the door to allow the delivery man to bring up the package. She hoped it wasn’t too big so he didn’t have to struggle up the five flights to her floor. 

After less time than she expected, a knock sounded on the door and she was once again intrigued to see what it could be. A passing thought was that it could be from Josh but she pushed that thought to the back of her head since she hadn’t spoken to him in over a month besides one check in text a few days ago and she didn’t want to get her hopes up. 

She opens the door with a “Bonjour” already on her lips, but it slips away at the sight in front of her. Her door was clutched in her hand and she uses it to steady herself as her jaw drops slightly and is then replaced with a bemused smile. 

“Sam?!” 

“Bonjour, mon petite chouchou!” My little darling, he exclaims with a terrible French accent as he opens his arms wide, inviting her to hug him. 

She laughs and shakes her head at him before wrapping her arms around his slender waist that was covered in a clean oversized linen overcoat that hid a black turtleneck beneath it. He was warm with a bit of dampness from rain droplets, no umbrella in sight. She inhaled his scent, cigarettes and a musky yet natural cologne – very Sam. 

“What the fuck are you doing here, Samuel?” 

He pulls back and grins down at her, his hair even longer than the last time she had seen him in person and falling past his jaw. He had the strands of his hair tucked behind both of his ears, giving him the goofy youthful look he almost always sported. His goatee was almost completely full, but thankfully nicely trimmed and his eyes were as big as always, looking down at her like a dreamy baby animal. She widened her eyes at him since he still hadn’t informed her of what he was doing in the doorway of her Parisian apartment. 

“You said no one sounded like they were that interested in celebrating Halloween, so me and the big bro decided to come out and surprise you! Make sure you have people to celebrate one of the best holidays ever with.” He shrugs after letting his hands fall from her shoulders, where they had rested after the hug had concluded. 

Her eyes widened further and looked around the hallway behind Sam, the words he said processing in her mind. The hallway was empty, so empty it almost echoed with their voices. 

“When you say ‘big bro’ you mean Josh right?” Her voice is anxious as she looks back at him before attempting to peer down the staircase, maybe there would be a second surprise guest. 

Sam laughs and deadpans, “No, Jake was worried about you and flew out. Josh stayed home to twiddle his thumbs while we hung out in Paris for two weeks with you. Danny’s here too, but nope not Josh.” He finished with a roll of his eyes.

She elbows Sam in the ribs with a big shove of her body, trying to communicate how unfunny she found that. Her heart skipped a beat thinking about Josh being in the same city as her once more. But if Sam was here in front of her breaking the news, where was his brother, her sometimes lover? 

Her hand gestures for him to come into the apartment and he closes the door behind himself. 

“So, where is he?” She looks down at her hands nervously. Why was it Sam who surprised her rather than Josh or even both of them? 

Sam sat on her couch beside her and crossed his legs before leaning back and running a hand through his hair, pushing it away from his face as he looked at her. His lips were slightly parted like he was thinking of what he wanted to say as his body relaxed and made himself look immediately comfortable. 

“He stayed back at the hotel. He checked us in and then he said he felt a migraine coming on from flying. It happens to all of us Kiszkas when we travel far distances sometimes,” He tries to sound light with his accent catching on his last name. 

“Doesn’t sound great for a touring band,” She says, dejected only slightly. Of course Josh had a reason. “But he should rest so he can actually have fun while he’s here.” 

“Yeah, that’s why he told me to go ahead.” Sam leans back further and rests his head on the back of the couch, still watching her, relaxing further now that he didn’t see the panicked look on her face. “Trust me, I’m sure that Josh wants to be able to have a fun time while he’s here…If you know what I mean.” The mischievous smirk on his lips and the raise of his eyebrows makes it abundantly clear what he meant. 

She rolls her eyes and shoves at Sam’s shoulder, “You’re gross, Sam. Plus…Like, obviously that would be great, but I feel like Josh and I might be in a friend place right now, maybe. Like, this has been the longest we’ve been apart since we met – which isn’t really saying a lot, but still.” She sighs and huffs, looking around the room. “I don’t know, I’m gonna be so happy to see him and all I’m saying right now will probably go right out the window once we’re in the same room. But this month has been kind of really nice. It’s been the first month where I haven’t been desperately trying not to think about him, it’s gotten easier. How I feel about him hasn’t changed, but I’m different and I kind of like it. I don’t know if sleeping together is the best thing for the rest of my time here.” 

“Can I tell you a secret?” Sam leans forward, his droopy eyes boring into hers. His hand drops to touch lightly at her shoulder, she doesn’t think much of it. 

“Sure.” 

He breathes deeply as the tops of his cheeks begin to flush ever so slightly, boyishly.

“Selfishly, I’d prefer if you two became just friends, but this last month has been so hard on Josh. He lights up when you two talk on the phone almost as much as when he’s on stage or working on new music…This last month he’s been particularly resigned, very unlike himself… And I can’t be selfish when my brother’s feelings are involved.” 

Her eyes widened at Sam’s words. First, an admission she’d never thought she’d hear from his lips coming out so casually, so effortlessly. Maybe she had an inkling that Sam liked her more than a friend might, but she just chalked it up to his flirty nature. It was those ‘fuck me’ eyes he had, it wasn’t like he could just turn them off. But there it was, if it were up to him, his brother wouldn’t see her and what would the reason be if not because he wanted to be with her himself. It was flattering, Sam was beautiful. Too beautiful to be interested in her, but then again that’s what she thought about Josh too. The way Josh saw her soul, though, it was wholly different from her relationship with Sam. 

Second, him saying that Josh had been terribly saddened by their lack of contact over the last month. She didn’t realize how hard it might be for him and for that she felt horribly selfish. She always thought he was fine without her, like he liked being with her obviously, but he was content without her. She didn’t realize he needed her just as much as she needed him. 

“Oh…” She replies dumbly, reflexively moving out of Sam’s touch. 

Sam’s eyes flicker to life with anxiety and rushes to say, “I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable. I thought it was kind of obvious.” He ran his hand through his hair and rubbed at the back of his neck followed by an awkward chuckle he tried to mask as a cough. “…but like I said, I’m never going to get in the way of you and Josh. You and he are the closest thing I’ve seen to love at first sight.” 

“It’s-it’s alright. I’m sorry that I don’t feel the same way, I know it’s hard being the unrequited one. I appreciate your friendship, though.” She offers a small smile towards Sam as he looks back at her and he returns it with a small smile as well that doesn’t reach his eyes… “I should probably go see him, then, huh? Does he really have a migraine?” 

Sam’s smile widens, genuinely this time. He had been settled with disappointment when he had decided to lay out his feelings for her, knowing her response would be as such. He lets it fade away, content to just be her friend and loving how she could pick up so quickly on what had initially been a fib.

“Yeah,” Sam stands, “He said he wasn’t feeling super great and told me to go ahead and see you, but I don’t think it’s actually a full migraine. I think he was just anxious to see you. You know how he gets.” 

She nods, but in reality, she didn’t really know how he gets. Her body straightens beside Sam’s and begins to gather the necessary items she would need to leave the apartment for however long it might be. She felt a little stupid, because she knew Josh got anxious about various things. It was a side of him she knew about in theory but rarely saw exhibited around her. 

Memories of Jake’s initial warning back in Napa about Josh being saddened when a girl was sad they couldn’t continue flitted across her mind, but she had thought that was different. Thinking about it now, it was clear, Josh got anxious over making the previous women in his life upset to the point of sadness. And now, she had made him anxious to the point of sadness that he couldn’t bring himself to surprise her. He had come to Paris, but let Sam break the news. She felt sick, she needed to make this right. 

God. This felt so stupid. She was on the verge of crying and she hadn’t even seen Josh yet. Simultaneously, she was overjoyed and dismayed at the prospect. 

Once at the hotel the Kiszka boys were staying at, Sam directed them to their floor, but separated from her, slipping into his room across from Josh’s with an encouraging nod of his head. 

She knocked timidly on Josh’s door, feeling like she was intruding upon him. Like it was forbidden for her to be in this hallway in this nice hotel just ten minutes from her apartment. She felt like she was choking on the air as she waited for what felt like an eternity. There was no sound coming from inside the room, maybe Josh had fallen asleep and not heard her knock. 

When it swung open, Josh’s petite frame was revealed in a nice cream sweater and fitted sweatpants. His face made her instantly brighten. His skin glowed with a slight blush and his eyes were wide and a little sleepy. His hair was perfectly messy and his pink lips parted in question.

Upon seeing it was her, his expression changed, going from confusion to happiness to something similar to apprehension and then back to happiness. 

“Sunshine,” He breathed and she grinned, falling into his arms as he enveloped her. 

“Fuck, Josh,” She said into the crook of his neck after taking a deep inhale of him. “I missed you.” 

His scent was intoxicating, his warmth was addictive. She craved him, but every little issue nagged at her brain, unable to be forgotten so easily even if being in his presence tried to convince her to just let it go. Best outcomes or whatever. 

“Are you alright?” She pulls back from him and tilts her head to the side, her tone clearly asking more than just his alleged migraine. 

His eyes shift from admiring her face to the door behind her and then to the floor. “Do you want to come in?” 

“Sure,” She nods and offers a small smile of encouragement before Josh leads them into his room that looked relatively unused. 

His hand remains encircled around her wrist as he seats them on the deep burgundy loveseat the room was equipped with. 

Josh looks at her with a slightly pained expression on his face, like he’s trying to hide it away but it’s not exactly possible. She feels the prickle of tears behind her eyes just at his face before her and all of the guilt that’s been growing in her since Sam told her what’s been going on. 

“I’m really sorry, Josh,” She starts after a moment of pulling back the tears. 

“What? Why are you sorry?” Josh looks slightly confused, but once again it feels like he’s just trying to downplay the real situation. “I’m sorry,” He repeats, beginning to ramble about his migraine.

“Josh,” She huffs and her eyes search his face. “I know this month has been hard on you and I’m so fucking sorry that I didn’t think about how much us not talking might affect you.” 

“Oh,” He says, almost blankly, eyes casting down to their clasped hands between them. “I am, uh, yeah…it wasn’t great. It’s always hard when I’m away from you, you know, but this time, knowing that you were there able to talk to Sam but not me…sucked, if I’m honest.” 

She scrunches her nose at how dejected he sounds and she feels her tears once again threatening at the back of her eyes, a tightness in her throat. “I was selfish and unfair and I realize that now. I shouldn’t have done that. If I really wanted to experience Paris with no distractions I should have limited my contact with everyone, not just you.”  

“But I get it,” Josh starts, eyes flickering to her face finally. His eyes wide and piercing. “You wanted to get settled in and meet new people, experience new things, not be tied to some guy that you’re only half with. Sam’s your friend, it shouldn’t have hurt so much.” 

“Don’t apologize for how you felt, Josh,” She insists, her free hand pressing into his chest, over his heart. “Sam also mentioned something else…” 

“He did?” Josh’s eyebrows quirk in interest. 

She hesitates, unsure whether she should share with Josh what Sam had said. Did he already know? That would make it make more sense as to why Josh was especially dejected this time around at their communication. 

“Yeah, um…I guess I didn’t realize and maybe you did, but I guess he had – has? – a crush on me. He told me and it made me think that maybe that was another reason for why you might have felt..the way you did.” She pauses for a moment with an awkward laugh. “Sorry, I feel like I’m not making any sense right now.” 

Josh sighs and it doesn’t sound particularly upset, his hand runs over his face. “I’m glad he told you.” He pauses and gives her a smile, trying to communicate that this wasn’t particularly upsetting for him at this moment. “I figured it out relatively quickly, but he’s my brother and I can tell when he likes someone just by the way he says their name. I wasn’t really worried about it, but I guess it did make me more anxious when he’d mention you and he had been talking so frequently because, irrationally, my brain would suggest that it was because you actually had feelings for him back.”  

“I’m sorry, Josh,” She swipes at the tear that had managed to sneak its way from her eye. 

“Stop apologizing, Sunshine.” She begins to protest, but Josh takes the moment to cup her jaw and looks into her eyes. “I forgive you if that’s what you need to hear, but I’m really not upset with you. Maybe myself a little, but I came to Paris because I knew being with you would make my worries disappear. When we’re together, I have no worries.” 

The breath she releases is more relieved than she imagined and her smile is watery as she leans into Josh, opting to embrace him tightly rather than kiss him yet. She melts into his strong warmth and his subtle muscular form. 

“I love you,” She secrets into his ear before pressing her face into the crook of his neck further. 

“I love you,” Josh repeats into her hair, lips ghosting across it before breathing through his nose. 

Josh admits that he really did feel a bit of a migraine coming on so they agree to spend the rest of the day lounging around in his plush hotel room. 

Y/N takes Josh and Sam to her favorite shops and stores that she had found since she had been there as well as her favorite sunset and dinner locations. It’s not awkward with Sam tagging along most days. Sometimes he will do his own thing for dinner or just go back to the hotel afterwards when it’s clear that she and Josh want some alone time. 

She still has classes during the first week they are visiting so Josh and Sam fill their days together, but her break starts after Halloween. She had already figured out a few possible costume ideas because she really loved Halloween, but Josh and Sam had only planned one costume each. The journalist insisted that they have at least two, and she’d be more satisfied with three if she was honest. 

They’re at a thrift store on the Friday before Halloween finalizing Josh and Sam’s second option for costumes when it happens. 

Y/N and Josh are in a corner looking over plaid button downs for a book character Josh wanted to be when Sam gets recognized. Neither of them recognize that he’s having a conversation with a fan when they round a corner with their hands clasped tight and Y/N with her free arm wrapped around Josh’s bicep, effectively curling herself into him like she did the first night they scurried back to the tour bus at Bottlerock. She’s giggling in his ear about a bad joke he’d just told when they round on Sam. 

Josh’s eyes widen at the fan in a slightly confused way, it’s like his brain immediately going into appraisal mode: who is this person and how are they going to interpret this situation. The fan’s eyes widen back, recognizing Josh just as she’s finishing saying something to Sam. 

It takes Y/N a moment to realize Josh has released her hand that he had been holding so lovingly before. She releases his arm as inconspicuously as possible. The fan seems to be preoccupied with ogling Josh’s face so she misses the two of them detangling. 

Y/N finds herself shrinking back as the two become preoccupied with the fan and she doesn’t want to intrude upon the time. Not too long ago, she had been in the other girl’s shoes, hoping to have a moment with them, she didn’t want to take from that moment in any way. 

Soon enough, Josh is back at her side with a curious look on his face. She smiles at him reassuringly so try to communicate that it was fine what had happened but she also didn’t necessarily want to talk about it. He lets it go. 

Halloween is on Sunday and Sam and Josh agree to spend Saturday night in with Y/N to prepare decorations and snacks for the pregame party she was hosting before going out to the clubs in costume. She had informed them that they were likely to be the few people dressed up. Josh had beamed and pecked her lips, telling her that he would happily be the only person in a costume in a club if it made her smile. Sam had gagged but she couldn’t hold it against him, it was admittedly sickeningly sweet of Josh to say. 

It’s around dinner time on Halloween when Josh has to calm Y/N down again. 

“Okay…so – fuck. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck fuck,” She says as she starts to scramble around the kitchen. 

“What’s wrong?” Josh asks curiously, his tone light as he hopes that her worries can be easily placated. 

She paces quickly around the small kitchenette, opening cupboards and drawers. Sam and Allie, Y/N’s roommate, stop what they’re doing in the living area of the apartment to listen in. 

“I forgot to buy food coloring,” Y/N moans with a hand pressed to her forehead. “Ugh, fuck, none of these fucking little shops probably have any and if they do they’re probably closed by now,” She thinks aloud as she looks at the time and then up to Josh with a pained look on her face. 

He goes to her in two steps, the silver lines of his Halloween makeup already painted on his face making him further radiant. His hands take hold of her biceps and pull her the rest of the way into him as her eyes meet his. Her eyelashes flutter as she stares up into his deep brown insistent eyes. They’re wide and calming as he stares at her with confidence and kindness. 

“Take a breath, sunshine,” He soothes, rubbing her arms now. “We don’t need it, this place looks great and I’d far prefer not to drink something that looks poisonous. As fun as it sounds.” 

She rolls her eyes affectionately at Josh’s attempt to soothe her. Rationally, she knows there’s no point in getting upset over the one thing she forgot but she can’t help herself. Having Josh with her is a nice comfort, his presence makes it easier to forget about things she might normally spiral about. Her hand snakes its way up Josh’s chest and neck and rests at his jaw, her fingers gently running across the skin. He tilts his head into her touch and she mirrors his small smile – which wasn’t really all that small but a closed lipped smile on Josh was small compared to the absolute grin he sported otherwise. 

“I love you, Joshua,” She whispers before pecking his pink lips. Her thumb runs over his cheek, careful to avoid the line of glitter. 

He hums his agreement into the chaste kiss before pulling back and moving his lips against her ear, her hand falling away. “I love you, but you can’t call me that when we’re supposed to be going out. Unless you’d rather we stay in and fuck?” 

His enunciation on his final question makes her shiver and her hand falls to Josh’s waist to steady herself. His stomach is warm and firm beneath his shirt and she’s unsure if it’s helpful in the situation she has found herself in. 

“We gotta go out, but we don’t have to stay out too late.” She murmurs in an attempt to keep them on track. 

“Oh, my love, we can stay out as long as you like. You know I’m just teasing,” He beams with a quick wink and then a peck to her cheek. “If we stayed in every time I wanted you – carnally – we’d never leave the bed.” 

She smiles after the giggles subside from Josh’s word choice but an odd sense of dread and anxiety falls over her when Josh said ‘my love’. It wasn’t that he said it, she had no issue with that, but suddenly she had this feeling inside her that they were coming upon an ending. This was soon to be a memory. She often had these feelings but with Josh they usually didn’t occur because she thought she had worked for them not to happen, the compulsion to write it all down wasn’t usually there. But here it was, her mind looking at this as a memory, as something that had already come to pass and there was no getting it back. No getting Josh back. It made her heart ache even though he was right in front of her. 

She tries her best to push it away, the dread. Focus on Josh, on Allie, on Sam. On living rather than remembering, but her silly writer brain had a hard time. Drinking helps, though, and before she knows it, her vision is blurry as her arms cling to Josh’s slightly damp skin at the back of his neck. 

His hands are hot against her hips and for a moment it’s just Josh in her senses. His strong earthy spiced cologne mixed with a little sweat in her nose. His chest pressed against hers. His lips at her temple and her ear and her jaw and her neck. Everywhere all at once, somehow. The pulse of the music moves them together and she feels free. Breathless. Josh takes a beat and pushes pressure on her hips, twisting her around. She moves slowly, her arms falling and then one snaking back up to keep hold of Josh’s neck. 

His head dips down and presses a hot wet kiss to the juncture between her neck and collarbone. Her ass is now flush against Josh’s front. The bass centered house music isn’t exactly either of their first choices for enjoyable music but with enough alcohol in their systems and the high of being in each other’s presence, they both are happily dancing to the music. 

She pulls Josh’s lips to her once more when she feels his lips beginning to retreat from her skin. The low chuckle he releases against her is enough to make her shiver despite how hot the club was. Her other hand finds a home over Josh’s hand on her left hip. He squeezes her tighter to him and she leans her head back to mewl slightly in his ear. The growl that comes from his chest makes her grin and twist further to peck his cheek. 

“Do we need to leave?” He wonders into her ear, his grip like a vice on her hips. 

She hums and presses closer to Josh, further cementing their bodies together, attempting to fuse them. “Why not, Joshy?” 

In a sobering moment, Josh giggles and the hot and heavy tension that had built around them dissipated for a moment. It’s just Josh and Y/N. The original versions of themselves they had presented to one another. Josh, genuine, funny and a little bewildered by the girl before him. Y/N, unabashed, lively and feeling just a little out of her depth with the guy she’s with. “I don’t think you’ve ever called me that,” He chuckles breathlessly, almost bewildered. 

“Too much?” She asks as she lets him begin to pull them out of the milieu of people. 

He shakes his head of curls as he weaves their bodies out into the road. The open air on the street is almost stinging when the cold hits their overheated skin. She breathes a heaving sigh of relief. Her fingers grip to Josh when he pulls her into him. One hand falls to his chest that had been exposed from his need to cool down inside the club as much as possible. His skin is clammy from the shift in temperature but it feels oddly comforting to her. 

“Take me home, Josh,” She whispers into his neck, arms wrapped back around his neck. She loved hugging him, it felt so safe. 

“Right away, sunshine.”

When they get inside of Josh’s hotel room, after the two had decided it was better than her shared apartment with her roommate, Josh’s hands push her body against the hallway wall. His body pressed firmly against her and she felt out of breath, instantly, with his lips hot and searching against her throat. 

His kisses are blinding and rough and he begins whispering the dirty words she likes to hear so much in her ear. When her hand presses against Josh’s chest in an uncharacteristic way, he pulls back in confusion, feeling her hesitance radiating from her body. 

“Will you make love to me, Josh?” She murmurs softly when he meets her eye. 

Over the past week, when they had sex it was like usual. She had never asked Josh to fuck her softly, but that dread was creeping back in and she wanted to savor this. His brown eyes widen slightly before they soften into a kind of pure bliss at her question. He loved to please her in the almost unforgiving way that they fucked, it was extremely pleasurable for him too, to really take control, but he was happy to oblige this request. He loved her and a small part inside of him had been wishing to make sweet love to her as well, but it always felt like they were rushed for time and they needed to fuck rather than truly feel one another. 

Tonight was different. 

“Of course, Sunshine. I love you.” He laved a tender open-mouthed kiss onto her neck and she moaned. It was more so about his words and the tenderness she felt from his lips rather than the actual kiss. 

Josh dimmed the lights in the room after placing her gently in the center of the bed. There they looked at each other as they sat on their heels. Carefully, they simultaneously reached out, hands touching skin. Her fingers smooth over Josh’s soft skin. His face, mapping his cheeks and jaw, down his neck and over his collarbones. She unbuttoned the rest of his shirt before tugging it off his shoulders and smoothing over his lightly freckled skin. 

She whimpered and Josh smiled at the thought that it was just his body that turned her on. His hands fell to his thighs as he grew engrossed in her ministrations. She leans forward and presses a kiss over his left pec and her eyes flutter to look at his face. Her hand reaches out and presses over his chest, more in the center now. They are silent then for what feels like eternity. Eyes focused on one another, connected only by her hand on his chest. 

Her hand then trails down his body, sweep softly so that Josh shivers from her fingertips. Then they’re back to undressing each other. Then it’s Josh’s turn to kiss his lover’s body. He kisses down her sternum and presses her back gently into the soft sheets when he gets lower. Over her thighs, his fingers ghosting at the seams where her thighs met her pelvis. She felt like hellfire was against her skin, hotter than any regular fire, more electric than any lighting. It felt unreal, but there it was, all Josh, it was all him. 

Heavy breathing and wet kisses and Josh is moving back up to her. His delicate fingers swirl through her folds and he brings her slick up to brush gently against her clit. It’s enough to make her moan and arch against his body. His warm skin feels like velvet. “Sunshine, are you ready?” 

“Yeah, of course I am. Always ready for you.” 

He pecks a kiss to her lips and smiles down at her. “You’re so beautiful,” He speaks softly, almost in disbelief. “Fuck, you’re so perfect for me. I am so grateful for your love.” 

The whiney breath of his name on her lips after that sentence would have been embarrassing had it not been the best thing she had ever been told while having sex. For as much as she seemed to like to be degraded every once in awhile, praise made her soul soar. 

Josh’s hand slips out of her and presses his cock against her cunt, pushing it between her folds a few times before easily sliding inside with how wet she is. He breathes a low “Fuck” into her ear and then he kisses the shell of it. Her hands hold Josh’s neck and his back, holding him close as he whispers sweet nothings into her ear and presses kisses to her lips. 

One of Josh’s hands grips her breast and the flesh in his hand is tender, another moan escapes her and it surprises her, causing it to end in a gasp. Josh smiles down at her and even in the bliss of coitus, on her way to orgasm, she smiles easily back before shutting her eyes, overcome by the pleasure of this moment. She smiles again but this time it’s really just for herself. 

With every final thrust, Josh whispered an “I love you” in her ear. By the time he brought her to the peak, there were tears in her eyes. Josh’s final request was a whispered ‘look in my eyes, Sunshine’ and she did. She had never felt more whole. 

He came short after, thrusting into her and kissing beneath her earlobe and brushing a hand through her hair. They cuddle in each other’s arms, content in this moment, both of them committing it to memory, to heart, to soul. Rather than sleeping in a spooning position or with her head on Josh’s chest like usual, they slept chest to chest, Josh’s head nestled into her neck, one of her hands wrapped in his hair. Her fingers raked through his curls until she heard soft breathing puffing from his lips. 

“I’m never getting out of the way I feel about you, Joshua Michael.” 

-

On the last day before Josh is set to leave, Y/N finally allows the realization she had been trying to push off be known. She allowed the realization of what the dread was on Halloween into her mind and it’s one that hurts her deeply. The sorrow outweighs any joy she has ever felt. It’s like cinder blocks in her heart, weighing her body down, breaking her from the inside out. 

She can’t keep doing this. It hurts too much. She just hopes that Josh can forgive her for what she needs to do. And he does. He takes it better than she could have ever thought because in her head she assumes he’ll hate her just because of the worrying in her mind. So much had changed since they had met six months ago, but Josh couldn’t fully get rid of the doubts and anxieties that plagued her mind. 

Their time in Paris together was unforgettable, just like Bottlerock and Dublin, but it would have to be the last installment of their love story. All she could do was be friends with Josh if she wanted to be able to focus on anything else besides missing him and wishing for him. 

“I’m going to miss you profoundly, Josh, maybe I’ll write you a text or an email or maybe a letter and I’ll slip it into a book you’ll find someday. Then I’ll be able to explain it more but about all I can say now is I’ll miss you profoundly.” 

“I think that’s supposed to be my line,” he smiles at her with an almost saddened twinkle. 

“Huh?” She asks, too caught up in trying to stop her crying once more. There couldn’t be more crying in front of Josh. 

“I’m the one who’s supposed to say weird big words like missing you profoundly.”

“Yeah but you’d ramble on for ten more minutes, I’m saving us time by emailing you later pouring my heart out.” 

He chuckles and pulls her close, the hug is friendly but the passionate affection shared between them simmers just beneath the surface. It’s in the pressure of their bodies against one another. It’s in the deep breaths they take. It’s in the air. 

“Best outcomes, Sunshine. Best outcomes.” He whispers like a promise, like a prayer.

If she wants to just be friends, if that makes it easier for her to say goodbye to him, Josh would willingly be her friend. If she wanted him to never speak to her again, he’d do it. He’d throw his phone out and lose her address if that’s what it took to stop himself. He could do friends. For her. 

And they do friends for about a year. Intermittent texting, a few calls here and there, she sends him a few letters in the mail including her graduation announcement and grad party invitation. Neither Josh nor Sam are able to make it out to California for her party, but each of them sends her gifts that she promptly sends thank you letters for, as well. If she cries over a forest green hare pin and the letter Josh writes along with it, no one can see as she sits in a corner of her own party. The note attached to the pin includes Josh harkening back to their time in Napa, “A rabbit to eat your garden vegetables,” referencing the ceramic plate he had painted for her over a year prior. 

The first letter she wrote Josh was indeed slipped into a book. A book she sent him in the mail that was a copy of a book they had discussed while they had been in Paris together. He had pointed it out at a bookstore but decided against it, citing that he didn’t want to add it to his luggage on the trip home. Y/N had passed by the bookstore every day on her way to and from class for the next week before she couldn’t stop herself and went in and purchased the book. 

Josh received it about three weeks later. The letter is folded up in the first page of the book. His name written neatly on the outside of the last folded page. It reads as follows. 

Joshua Michael,

I fear I am far better with my words on paper than I’ll ever be with them spoken. Maybe it’s a good thing I want to be a writer. It seems like my thoughts are always faster than my mouth. On paper, I can collect them and organize them. Do you ever feel the same when writing lyrics or your poems? There’s so many questions I could ask you here that I’d never muster the courage to ask in your presence, even after the interview and everything. You still make me nervous. I know I’ve never said that…but it’s true. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to voice all my thoughts I have about you accurately in your presence either. No amount of time would ever be enough and it seems that we’ll never have the time anyway. I also worry that I may also not have enough page space to get everything I want to say out on paper either. So maybe it’s not a good thing that I want to be a writer. 

Firstly, I want to apologize for myself. The minute you left Paris, I cried rather uncontrollably, but please don’t feel guilty because it was entirely my fault. I know I explained myself, but I still feel like I’ve been unfair to you. I hope you move on from me and still see the world in the vibrant colors that I know you do. Find someone who can travel the world with you and loves you as much as I do, more if it’s possible (selfishly I don’t want to believe that, but can you fault me?). 

You gave me a chance in May of this past year and I will forever be grateful for that. I have never known a love like yours before now and I wouldn’t have, had you not given me the time of day after the show at Bottlerock. You taught me so much about myself and for that I am forever indebted to you (don’t try and fight it). Because of you, I try not to get so in my head and try to believe in only best outcomes (I know it doesn’t seem to have worked in our case). The world has felt brighter ever since you came into my life. So, thank you. 

I told you I’d write this love letter as a means to wax eloquent on how much I would miss you and I find myself avoiding it because of how it hurts. I feel like I’ve told you this before or maybe you’ve read it somewhere else, but in French, to say you miss someone, one actually says ‘you are missing from me’. But I don’t feel that way, I can still feel you. You’ve touched places inside of me I didn’t know existed and you have nestled your way into my heart where I know I will never lose you. In spite of that, I still will miss you feverishly, fervently, profoundly. I miss your touch, your smile, your voice, your being. Your soul has touched mine and I fear it will miss yours until they are reunited somewhere down the line, a different dimension where time and space carry no weight. Somewhere in the ether, our souls will reunite, I just have this feeling. 

If this were easy, it wouldn’t be so painful now would it? 

I know this goodbye is hard and that it’s still technically a ‘see you later’, but I know in my heart that this is better for both of us. To no longer keep torturing ourselves in this state of limbo we have found ourselves in. It hurts now, but time will make it hurt less. Friends will be possible because best outcomes means we can do it. Don’t get in your head about any of this because as we know, it’s my job to be in my head and overthink just about everything. Just tuck this letter away if it’s too much. I’ve been told I come off as grandiose in letters, what can I say? I truly can’t help myself. But seriously, there’s no need to respond to this letter with any text or call, it would probably make me terribly embarrassed to address it aloud (or awifi). I’d smile awkwardly and become anxious, thinking about all the things you hated about it or took issue with. I hope this is enough. 

P.S.

The way I love you, I am never getting out of that. I will never forget you saying that to me and I hope you know that I still feel the same way. I love you, Joshua, and I always will. While you may call me your sunshine, you are my sun. 

Forever your friend. 

Josh cries when he reads the handwritten note and sniffles a few laughs at her clear voice in the writing. So much was said yet he feels the weight of some things she left unsaid. She said it herself, there isn’t even enough paper for her to get all her thoughts down. He folds the letter up and tucks it back into the book before placing the book on the highest shelf of his bookshelf. He tries not to ever think too hard about all she said in the letter lest it bring tears back to his eyes. 

After Y/N graduates, she tells Josh about the first job she got over text. It’s based in California and it keeps her so busy with travel and other tasks that she rarely has time to respond to his queries and messages. Eventually they both stop reaching out, but remain followers on Instagram. They both send each other birthday wishes on their respective birthdays, but the messages are only met with a ‘thank you’ and a well wish in return. She convinces herself this hurts less than pining after Josh for weeks or months before she chances to see him again. 

It’s a little under two years after Paris that Josh and Y/N’s paths cross again. 

--

Apologies....

#josh kiszka x reader #josh kiszka smut #josh kiszka x you #josh kiszka x y/n #josh kiszka fluff #Josh Kiszka gvf #josh kiszka fan fic #josh kiszka fanfiction #josh kiszka angst #greta van fic #greta van fleet fluff #greta van fleet fic #gvf smut #gvf series #josh kiszka series #gvf fanfiction #my writing #bottlerock

[latenightgasstationwalk]

My number 1 album of 2013. Queens of the Stone Age were in full effect on this one. Known for making significant thematic and stylistic changes to their sound, approach and delivery with almost every subsequent album, QOTSA saw the most drastic change in their sound yet with like clockwork. In my opinion it was their most ambitious move musically still to this day. 

Coming out a whopping 6 years after “era vulgaris” (another all time favorite of mine, and the only record I own on vinyl) a lot of fans were left wondering where the queens sound would go next.

As a musician who is constantly consuming, studying and obsessing over different styles of music, I’ve come to find that my standards aren’t high at all when it comes to what I’ll listen too. I know this is like a joke sentence people make fun of, but with the exception of music that has harmful political overtones I really will listen to anything and everything. And in my time doing so I discovered there’s really only 2 criteria I look for in an album to gauge its quality. So long as it sounds good and so long as it sounds new to me.

Like clockwork is an enigma in mainstream rock music in my opinion. With the title track “keep your eyes peeled” which as far as I know (I’m fairly certain) is the only song on the record that was recorded in C standard tuning, in line with a lot of their earlier albums where josh would play guitar tuned down way low, in C standard, through ampeg bass amps. But the song starts with an oppressive and looming rhythmic chug on that low C string that gives you the feeling an insurmountable force is striding towards you with ill intent. And the song only continues that way up until the very last second. The song sounds like a theme song written for the scariest guy in a place you’d never want to be. Only to completely blindside you with the next track “I sat by the ocean” that has this dreamy, optimistic yet melancholic post-beach rock sound too it.

And if you’re a budding guitarist? There is so many hidden guitar riff gems on this album. “I appear missing” and “my god is the sun” have some of the most infectious guitar riffs of the 2010’s. As well as some of the most hypnotic and addictive bass lines. I’ve always said queens of the Stone Age is one of those bands that you get so much out of if you’re a musician that loves to absorb every kind of musical sound you can. I think most people would be hard pressed to find a band that has such an inconsistent approach to music, but rock steady consistency in quality and sound. (Maybe king gizzard and the lizard wizard)

Every track is a pleasant surprise, I seriously think the band was at their best here, as I said my 2 number 1 criteria for any music is a simple “does it sound good?” And “does it sound new?” and I can’t stress the second one enough, excluding other genre’s and speaking exclusively on modern rock music, it’s very hard to find an artist that’s releasing versatile albums that expand into a wide array of other sub-genres or at least takes influence from them to create a rock track that is adjacent to another genre ever so slightly. QOTSA does that flawlessly here and every track is worth so many listens. One of the only albums I’ve found that has 0 skips. Even their most critically acclaimed album “songs for the deaf”, which I love very dearly, has a song I always skip on it. (It’s called 6 shooter, it’s just too fucking loud and annoying) and it’s kinda hard to give a 10 to an album that has a song that you always skip because it’s that bad.

But on like clockwork, every song is substantially different, well written, perfectly executed and so well thought out. every song keeps you guessing where it’s going next. Like being lead through a labyrinth by a guide who makes you wonder if he even knows how to read the map. But you follow anyway, because the adventure keeps you longing for whatever comes next.

But again, I cite this album as a massive influence on me and the music I make, and I can’t think of another rock album from that time that stuck with me for this long. Highly highly highly

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

[amatchinwater]

All You Had to do Was Listen

Dialogue prompt fill for @voidstilesplease thank you so much for the request!!

Prompt: "No, that's it. End of discussion."

Pairing: Steo

Warnings: None

Rating: Teen and up

Words: 1215

Read here on Ao3

"Why can't you do what I ask, just once?" Theo cards his fingers through his hair with a huff, turning away from the fox to look at the night sky. "Trust me, I don't do it to be a dick." Stiles snorts at him, leaning against a tree in the preserve. "Is it really that hard to believe that I care about you? That I just want you safe?" The moonlight shines on his blue eyes making them sparkle with his emotions. The genuine hurt from the Alpha is nauseating.

Ever since Stiles joined Theo's pack, the chimera changed. The Dread Doctors found a way to give him the Alpha power he so desperately craved after Theo got himself a pack. Said pack that's currently hunting a resurrected Donovan in the preserve right now. There's no way- especially after Theo's bite turned him into a fox- that Stiles was sitting this one out. He already killed the wendigo once already, Stiles could do it again.

The change was minute at first. When Theo would hint that he wanted Stiles, the fox used to assume it strictly meant as part of his pack. Granted, he's not a total idiot. Stiles vividly remembers just how excited Theo was to pin him to the fence on the hospital's roof. But now, any chance the chimera has to touch or scent Stiles, he will. Almost excessively. Not even Josh or Corey get as much as the fox does. Where the Alpha would subtly remind Stiles that he needs to take a break to eat or sleep, Theo now brings him dinner for the fox that he often cooks himself. The chimera will throw him over his shoulder and force Stiles into the nearest bed to sleep.

So no, it's not necessarily hard to believe that Theo cares about him. It's more so the why of it all. He let the chimera change him. Stiles ditched Scott and is at Theo's house more than his own to be with the pack. So why is the Alpha still trying so hard? Honestly, shouldn't he be happy that Stiles is out here willing to kill someone all over again? Giving into the tendencies Theo tried so hard to make him succumb to.

His mouth is asking before his brain can catch up and tell him not to, "why?" Stiles has a pretty good idea, but really wants to hear the chimera finally say it out loud. The Alpha is more into actions than he is words, but Stiles won't admit his own feelings until the other boy does. He needs it explicitly said to him first. Viable proof.

Turning to face him with dark eyes, Theo pinches his brows, "what exactly are you asking?"

"Why do you care so much?" The fox rubs his jaw, "I figured now that I'm like you guys, I wouldn't be treated like a porcelain doll anymore. Fragile and breakable and like I can't protect myself." The chimera gives him an eye roll like that's not why he's doing this. "It's kind of insulting that you-"

"I have no doubt you can protect yourself. But that doesn't mean I want you to. It's not because you're incapable. It's because I love you, you idiot!" Theo yells, arms spread out before slapping his thighs. Stiles tries to pick his mouth up off the fucking ground, failing miserably. He was prepared for like, not love. "How can you not know that? Better yet, how can you not smell it?"

The fox stares at him, mouth still parted in a slight frown. He inhales deeply, getting the same warm milk and honey mixed with the chimera’s natural scent. "It's not like with Donovan just hanging around trying to kill me again that we've been able to practice understanding chemosignals."

"Give yourself more credit than that, babe." Theo steps closer, "I can smell it on you too, you know? But I'd rather you tell me than your scent." The chimera encases Stiles to the bark with his hands, eyes flashing red as his nostrils flare. "Love is meant to be appealing to the object of your affection. To me, it smells like fresh baked cinnamon rolls. What do I smell like to you?"

"Like-" Stiles gulps at their proximity, forcing his hands to stay at his sides despite the overwhelming urge to grab everywhere. "Like warm honey and milk, like my mom used to make to help me sleep." The fox sighs, "I wish you would've told me why."

"I didn't know how to." Theo admits with a shrug, "you didn't say anything either and I didn't want to scare you off. Not when I just got you." The sour stench from Theo makes the fox feel worried. Maybe that's how to differentiate the scents, they make you feel the emotions too.

"I think we're well past the point of me running from you." Stiles shifts his feet, still trying to get the chimera to make the first move. "I trust you, Theo. If you had told me the truth, I would've stayed home."

The Alpha opens his mouth to undoubtedly call Stiles out for the fib. But a little ways away, Tracy can be heard fighting with Donovan, 'come on, Tracy. I just want to return the favor he gave me. I know you'd appreciate him being gone. You can have Theo all to yourself then.'

Theo cocks his head to the side and his face hardens having heard exactly what Stiles did, "it's time to go." The chimera grabs his arm in an attempt to get the fox to move, but he plants his feet. "Come on Stiles, I'm taking you home."

"No, I'm seeing this through."

"They've got it handled. I'm taking you home, okay?" Theo huffs as the fox goes to rebuke. "No, that's it. End of discussion. We are going home," the chimera turns, trying to pull Stiles with him.

"I'm not going to run with my tail between my legs-" his words are silenced by the Alpha pinning him to the tree and claiming Stiles' mouth. God, it's perfect. The way Theo holds his face so gently in comparison to the way he absolutely devours his mouth is dizzying. His heart is about ready to beat out of his chest when the chimera pulls back. Stiles simply can't regain his breath.

"Let me try this again," Theo's eyes flash red and he grabs Stiles' ass, pulling their bodies flush. Licking along the fox's neck, he leans back with rubies that demand Stiles' gold ones to respond, "I'm taking you home and we're not leaving our bed until every inch of you is marked by me. Understood?"

Yeah. Yup. He gets it. Theo saying our bed instead of his bed was the final key to unlocking the defense system Stiles had. Not that he'd let the chimera know that. It would make Theo's ego bigger than it already is. Someone has to keep the chimera grounded.

"Don't expect that to work every time," Stiles breathes out, hands firmly placed on the Alpha's hard chest. He also knows good and well that Theo's next words are one hundred percent true, but he's a stubborn mule. Not that it matters, Theo caught the lie anyway.

"Oh, it will."

#teen wolf #ao3 fic #steo #stiles stilinski #theo raeken #theo x stiles #dialogue prompt #Match Writes

[the-bau-quinjet]

Every Little Thing.

Part 3!! You can find all the info about why this is such a mess in Part 1 and read Part 2 here! This is the last part sort of. I’m planning on an epilogue of sorts though!

Summary: Reader is a famous singer with a murderous stalker. Spencer has to go undercover to protect her.

warnings: mentions of murder, anxious reader, stalker

Word Count: 8681

The next time you open your eyes, the first thing you see is the shadow of an unknown person looming over you. Your instincts are screaming danger and without thinking about it, you start fighting your way out of their hands. They are trying to restrain you, so you fight back harder. You can’t stop hearing the lamp crashing on your head. It’s reminding you over and over of the danger you are in. Your self-defense training kicks in when the person wraps an arm across our chest. Afterwards, you think it should have occurred to you that the person wasn’t really fighting back so much as trying to calm you down, but you’ll blame your poor observational skills on adrenaline. It just all happened so fast.

You form your hands into “large claws” as the instructor called them in class, and swiftly shove them between your body and the arm of the attacker. Gripping the arm, you throw your weight diagonally forward, curling your body in toward your left knee. You end in a one legged kneel, having thrown the person over your shoulder. The thud they made upon hitting the floor was highly satisfying, until you looked down and recognized the face.

 Derek Morgan was staring at you from his new found position on the floor, you kneeling over him with a slightly crazed look in your eye. You would start apologizing, but you are so stunned you don’t move until Morgan gets up and guides you back to the couch.

 Apparently the team had been trying to reach you or Reid for a while. Neither of you answered, for reasons that were obvious now, so the team rushed over to check on you. Nobody mentions how you just threw Derek over your body as if he were a ragdoll. It doesn’t seem like the time to be joking around.

 You tell them everything you can remember, starting with everything you told Spencer about the man you recognized and ending with the sound of the lamp cracking over your head. You’re surprised you didn’t cry through the whole story. Maybe you’re out of tears, physically unable to produce any more because your tear ducts dried up. If Spencer were here he’d tell you some fact about how your tear ducts never really dry out, your body just becomes dehydrated and water is diverted to more essential tasks.

 At the thought of Spencer, a few tears do spring to your eyes. “Why would he take him? I was right here! He could’ve just taken me and been done with it. Oh, god. I was right there and I couldn’t stop him. No, no, no no no nonono.” You can feel all the signs of panic setting in, but you don’t have the power to stop them on your own. The team is trying to help you. They are, but you don’t hear them. You’re too worried about what is currently happening to Spencer.

 It feels like time has slowed down. It’s like you’re swimming through syrup, desperately trying to stay above the surface, but the liquid is heavy and it’s sticky and it’s pulling you down. You hear what people are saying to you, but the words don’t make sense in your brain. They might as well be talking to a toddler, because all you can do is babble incoherently and point at the pieces of lamp on the ground.  

 You are relieving the same two scenes over and over. The look on his face when you made eye contact in the park. Then the sound of the lamp hitting your skull in the dark. The look on his face. The sound of the lamp. The look. The sound. His face. The lamp. It’s repeating in a never ending cycle. Your brain is moving so fast, you’re combining the two experiences. Logically, you know it was way too dark to see him holding the lamp, but you can see it clear as day in your head.

 He’s walking across the room. He stops to pick up the lamp. He’s got both hands wrapped around it, as if he needed all the force he could possible create. HI lifts it above his head, and crash- wait. He’s holding the lamp like a mic stand. He’s holding the lamp like a mic stand!

 “The lamp!” Your exclamation is so loud, Hotch looks as if he could’ve been surprised.

 “He hit you with the lamp. We know.” Morgan’s voice is soothing, but your brain is moving through everything too fast to listen. You must look certifiably insane.

 “No, the way he held the lamp.” Your brain is moving too fast for the words coming out of your mouth to catch up.

 “You said it was too dark to see anything. How do you know how he held the lamp?” JJ looks confused more than anything at your behavior.

 “I don’t. I mean, I do. I don’t know.” You’re being pulled back to the couch again. It’s as if the syrup has you in a bubble. You’re moving at a different frequency than the rest of them. You’re in a daze, not speaking as clearly as you are thinking.

 “Y/N.” Hotch says your name with such a commanding presence, you’re focus is returned to the team. They’re staring at you with various expressions. Rossi looks so concerned you can’t help but think of the song you started for him. He really is the parental type. The rest of the team wear expressions that perfectly balance confusion, concern, and worry. Except for Hotch. He looks as stoic as ever, but there is a glint in his eye that seems to indicate he’s worried. “What about the lamp?”

 “You’re right. I didn’t see the lamp in his hands. It was too dark.” This clears the confusion, but the concern and worry haven’t left their faces. “I can picture it though. And in my head, he was holding the lamp like I would hold a mic stand if I was trying to adjust the height.” You mime the grip in front of you. “That’s a weird fucking way to hold a lamp. So, why would I picture that?” They give you sympathetic looks, but nobody has an answer for you. 

You’ve risen from the couch to pace back and forth across the room. The team starts speculating where the unsub would’ve taken Spencer, but you’re not listening. You are so sure there’s a reason you picture the lamp like that. You aren’t paying attention to them, and they aren’t paying attention to you. At least, that’s what you thought. You’re practically muttering to yourself when you figure it out. “I’ve seen him adjust a mic stand.” Hotch must have ears like an elephant because his head instantly swivels in your direction. You make the briefest of eye contact, a small smile forming on your face as you dart back toward the team.

 “You’ve seen him before yesterday?” Hotch asks, cutting off the conversation currently going on between the agents. The group turns toward you, just realizing you’re no longer walking in circles talking to yourself.

 “Yes. Yes, I’ve seen him adjust a mic stand. That must be why I pictured it like that in my head. The lamp I mean.” Hotch gives you a gentle nudge, encouraging you to reach a conclusion. “He works on the crew. His first show was the Louisville show.” Morgan already has Garcia on the phone, narrowing down the names for newer hires only.

 “That’s still 42 names.” You can hear her nerves through the phone, and you’ve only met her once.

 “Right, we hire a lot of new people for the US leg of the tour. It’s usually the biggest part.” You try to remember anything else about this man, wishing you had Spencer’s memory.

 “Y/N, what else can you remember about him?” JJ’s words are gentle, but the look in her eyes is anything but. It is her best friend that’s missing.

 “I don’t know. He’s never talked to me. I tried to introduce myself once and he just awkwardly ran away. The other crew guys he was working with, though they said something though.” You start tapping the side of your head, trying to recall the memory from nearly a month ago. “They said he’s been like that since he started. A little shy, I mean. They thought he was star struck.” You know they said something else, but it feels like you’re trying to catch individual grains of sand. You can just barely see them before they land in the water, fading away. “His name! One of them said his name. Jake or John or something with a J.”

 “Three names.” The hope was evident in the way Garcia said the two simple words.

 “What are they? I know they said his last name too, it’s just harder to remember because I didn’t talk to him personally.”

 “Jacob Hawthorne-“

 “No, it’s not him. He works in lighting, great guy. Cute kids.”

“Jordan Crawford”

 “No, he’s a set designer. I talk to him all the time about switching things up between shows.”

 “Last one, Joshua Gr-“

 “Graves! Josh Graves That’s the name. That’s him!”

 “Y/N, stay here. Agent Anderson will make sure you’re safe.” You can still hear his commanding voice as he leaves the room with the rest of the team. “Garcia, look for addresses where he-” The door swings shut, cutting you off from the rest of the information.

 You gave Agent Anderson a small wave, asking if he wanted coffee or tea. You were still trying to be a good host, even if the room was a crime scene.

 Crime scene. Suddenly, the idea of staying in this room any longer made you feel physically ill. You threw on a pair of sweatpants and a baseball hat, grabbing your keys as you headed for the door. Before Agent Anderson, or Grant as he introduced himself, could speak a word of protest, you had the door open.

 “I can’t be in that room anymore. We can go wherever you want, I just can’t stay there.” He nodded in understanding, but still looked nervous at the idea of ignoring Hotch’s order to stay put.

 The elevator doors opened to a mostly deserted lobby. You instantly walk over to the small café tucked into the corner. The barista recognizes you immediately, reaching for a bag as if you had already ordered.

 “Ms. L/N, a man ordered this for you earlier. He said to give it to you as soon possible, but I didn’t want to wake you up since it’s still so early.” She has a sweet smile on her face, one you try to return but fail miserably.

 “Thank you.” You’re far too stressed to worry about who ordered you a pastry before 5:45 in the morning on a day you were definitely not planning on being up this early. Agent Anderson, though? He was suspicious.

 As you sat down in the arm chairs just outside of the shop, he politely asked for the bag.

 “Why?” You said it with genuine confusion, but apparently he wasn’t actually asking. He had the bag open and the contents dumped onto the table in a matter of seconds. A blueberry muffin, you’re favorite, and a napkin topple onto the surface of the table in front of you.

 “Are FBI agents trained to waste perfectly good muffins?” It’s hard to hide the slight mirth in your voice as you stare at the muffin that rolled of the table and onto the floor. Grant must not have heard you, or maybe he just chose to ignore you. He was still looking at the napkin. He took a picture on his phone before finally returning his attention to you. Of course, now your attention was trained on the napkin. It was your turn to move quickly, sliding it over to you and holding it out to prevent him from taking it back. The message on it was written in sloppy, rushed handwriting, but it was still legible.

 “You belong with me. Not him.”

“His story is bound to have dust on every page when I’m done with him.”

“The slope was treacherous, the path reckless.”

“Do you think there’s enough blank space for him?”

 You aren’t proud of the first thought that popped into your head. It was true, but you still would’ve liked to think your first thought would somehow tell you where Spencer was. Or at least be about Spencer, but no.

 So rude of him to use my own lyrics for this. 

 You moved passed it quickly though, ignoring the fear you felt at seeing an unreleased lyric in front of you. There must be some sort of clue in the note. Why would he leave it for me if he doesn’t want me to find him? Grant managed to snatch the napkin out of your hand, but you had already read it. The damage was done.

 “Y/N. You cannot leave this hotel. The team will find him. They know what they’re doing.” His words were a warning. One you intended to ignore.

 “Fine. I’m going to get another muffin.” You tried to sound normal, but that’s probably what gave you away. Nobody would sound normal in this scenario. It didn’t matter if he figured out your plan though. You had a distraction for him. You waved at the barista as you walked into the shop.

 “Hi, can I get another muffin? Accidentally dropped mine, whoops!” You smiled at her in a conspiratorial kind of way before leaning closer. “By the way, my friend over there” you nodded toward the agent who hadn’t taken his eyes off you as you walked away, “he thinks you’re cute. You should go talk to him!” Before you knew it, she was out from behind the counter, waving to her colleague to get you a muffin. She stood right in front of Grant, twirling her hair, but more importantly blocking his view of you.

 You didn’t wait for the muffin. You slipped out the side door that lead straight to the main street, repeating the clues in your head. Dust. Treacherous. Blank Space.

 Somewhere dirty, dangerous, and empty?

 Ideas are flying through your head, but they don’t make any sense. The clues aren’t specific enough to tell you everything. It has to be somewhere you’ve been. Realization hits you as if a piano just fell out of the sky.

 The arena. There was a staircase and some back rooms that were closed for construction. Dust, check. Unsafe conditions, check. Empty rooms, check. That has to be it.

 You hail a cab, texting Hotch once you are on route to your destination. You know he’s going to tell you to stay put, but you want to make sure he knows where to go.

 “The arena. They were doing construction.” You put your phone on airplane mode before returning it to your bag.

 You expect to arrive at the arena to see it surrounded by black SUVs and police cars, but everything is eerily quiet. You must have beaten them there somehow. You pay your driver before walking up to the main doors. It seems like the best plan of action is to get inside and then find the construction zone. Weirdly enough, the front door is unlocked.

 The sound of your shoes hitting the floor echoes in your mind as you wander through the building. It should be a fairly straightforward path, but you’re all turned around. Everything feels different. It’s no longer the nervous butterflies you get right before you perform. The syrup is coming back, only this time it’s pulling you in every direction except for the one you want to go in. You’re fighting your own sense of self preservation. Your brain is screaming at you to leave. You aren’t trained for this. You’re barely trained for anything that doesn’t involve music. But there is a part of you that still feels like this is all your fault. Maybe if you had just talked to him that day things would be different. You could’ve prevented all of this. Maybe…

 The sound of Spencer’s voice pulls you forward. He sounds like he’s in pain, but the words are powerful.

 “She’s not going to come. Even if she does get the note, there is no way the FBI would let her anywhere near the building.”

More guilt overwhelms you. It’s as if, all at once, the extreme stupidity of your actions hits you. You are putting Spencer’s life at risk. Hell, you are endangering the lives of any agent who has to walk into this building to protect you. You don’t know what will happen to Grant. You left him behind when all he was trying to do was protect you. You made it so he couldn’t do his job properly.

 Your body leans into the nearest wall with a soft thud. You barely heard it, but it was apparently loud enough for Joshua.

 “Someone’s hear.” His voice sounds playful, as if he’s really enjoying this. “Let’s hope for your sake it’s her.” You’re frozen in place as the footsteps grow closer and closer. You can’t hide. You can’t run. You can’t do anything except wait for him to walk around the corner and see you standing there.

 Seeing him again isn’t like you thought it would be. You thought you’d be angered. Mostly, you’re just tired. Multiple panic attacks in one day could do that to a person. You also probably had a concussion that was influencing how you processed the emotional side of everything going on.

 Seeing Spencer was different than expected as well. There was no huge wave of relief at discovering he was relatively unhurt. You felt relief, but it was like a tiny puddle surrounded by an ocean of guilt and sadness. There was mostly guilt, and no matter what anyone said before it felt different now. He was only in this position because of you. If he had not have been the one to go undercover, he wouldn’t have been targeted. And, it was your brilliant idea that landed him undercover in the first place.

 He looked so panicked at the sight of you. A flurry of emotions ran across his face before settling back into a carefully controlled blank stare.

 You wanted to run to him, but you couldn’t move. Yes, Josh was holding your arm in a grip sure to leave bruises, but your legs also felt like jelly. You kept thinking over and over that you shouldn’t have come. That you are only making everything worse. That everyone else’s jobs are so much harder now that you’ve put yourself here. Spencer must see it written on your face because the first thing he says after you enter the room is “It’s not your fault.”

 Hearing it from him, you’re almost inclined to believe it. All you can do is nod, tears springing to your eyes.

 Josh isn’t pleased with you sharing any sort of a moment with Spencer. He somehow tightens his hold on your arm, drawing a slight yelp from you. You try to remember what Hotch told you that first night. It feels like it happened months ago, but maybe you can talk your way out of this by remembering something useful. Or at least talk Spencer’s way out of it. You’ve been listening to him talk about profiling for the past week, time to put your skills to the test.

 “I’m here now. You can let him go.” You don’t know who is more shocked at your words. Yourself, Josh, or Spencer. You’ve never seen Spencer speechless, but apparently you trying to talk down a psychopath who is obsessed with you and rapidly devolving is enough to manage the feat.

 Josh pulls a gun from the waistband of his pants. He throws you into the wall before angrily pacing through the room.

 “Josh, look at me.” It takes everything in you to pretend like this is a script. As if you are playing a role in a movie. “You have me. We can be together, but you have to let Spencer go.” He’s staring right into your eyes, trying to read your thoughts.

 “You’re lying. He has to die, or he’ll always come between us.” He slowly raises the gun, not quite pointing it at any one, but enough to cause your heart rate to soar.

 “Josh, think about it. I’ve known you for so much longer than I’ve known him.” You nearly choke on the next words that come out of your mouth. “He’s not important to me. Not like you.”

 “STOP LYING TO ME. I KNOW WHAT I SAW.” Oh no. No no no. He’s frantically waving the gun around the room as you inch closer to Spencer. You notice movement near the door you came in, but you don’t have time to investigate. When Josh aims his gun at Spencer, you don’t think before you act- a recurring theme with you today. With all the grace of a newborn deer learning to walk for the first time, you jump in front of Spencer right as the gun goes off.

 You’re not sure if it’s an echo but you would’ve sworn you heard two resounding bangs instead of just one.

 Spencer catches you as you fall to the ground, bleeding from the bullet wound in your abdomen.

 “Spence,” you take a shuttering breath, trying to gain the strength to talk to him.

 “Shh, Y/N. It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.” He turns to yell at someone out of your view. “I need a medic! Now!” He sounds just as panicked as he looked earlier.

 “I’m sorry.” You squeeze his hand when he tries to interrupt you again. “I’m sorry, for coming, but not for sav-saving you. The world- it needs you to pr-pro-protect people. Th-thank you. For every,” you couch a bit as you try to get the words out. “For everything.” You know he is remembering your heartfelt speech to him and Morgan from a few days ago, or at least you hope he is. The last thing you say before your vision fades to black feels so random in comparison. “Don’t blame Grant.”

 --

“Spence,” your breathing is choppy and rough, contrasting the smooth skin beneath his fingertips as he assesses your wound.

 “Shh. Y/N. It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.” His thoughts are running wild with everything he wants to say to you, but he can’t get anything meaningful to come out. Instead he’s yelling for a medic, frantically looking at all the faces of his closest friends. “I need a medic! Now!” He can hear the panic in his voice, but no amount of training or profiling knowledge can get him to control his emotions.

 “I’m sorry.” He tries to interrupt you. To tell you it’s not your fault. That you did everything right. That Josh’s profile said he wouldn’t back down without a fight. Anything, but you squeeze his hand and he can’t breathe, let alone speak. “For coming, but not for sav-saving you. The world- it needs you to pr-pro-protect people. Th-thank you. For every,” he leans in closer, wishing he could do anything to stop your pain. “For everything.” He can’t help but replay your previous conversation with Morgan. Tears are falling down his face, but he can’t bring himself to care.

 “Don’t blame Grant.” It takes him the entire ride to the hospital to understand why you mentioned Anderson. Even with your brain shutting down from a lack of blood flow, you were still trying to make sure nobody was blamed for your actions.

 He barely listens to the EMTs and the hospital staff as he watches them wheel you back through the all too familiar ‘Authorized Personnel Only” doors.

 Spencer doesn’t bother to hide his emotions when the rest of the team arrive. He doesn’t have the energy in him to muster enough energy to hide how he’s feeling from the group of profilers. They all come to the same realization simultaneously. Spencer is a wreck. There’s no other way to describe it. He spent hours in the waiting room before anyone could even convince him to wash your blood off his hands.

He just keeps thinking about how he didn’t get to say goodbye. Hell, he didn’t really say anything. You were bleeding out in front of him, having just jumped in front of a bullet to save him, and still you had more strength than he did in the moment.

 Another few hours later and he still hasn’t said a word. JJ’s tried. Derek’s tried. Hotch, Penelope, and Emily tried. Nobody can get through to him. He’s either pacing back and forth or staring at a wall. Of course, his mind is racing, the words just don’t come out of his mouth.

 He thinks about how much he hates hospitals. He goes over how germ-ridden every surface is, how much money is spent on healthcare in America, how many people are pronounced dead in hospitals- and then he cuts his own train of thought off.

 He thinks about the statistics of gunshot wounds next. He’s hyper focused on how clean shots with an exit wound are less lethal, but yours didn’t have and exit wound so that meant you were less likely to survive- and again he cuts himself off.

 He’s begging his brain for happier thoughts. Anything that won’t lead him down the rabbit hole of statistics and how likely you are to die. He clings to the first memory that pops into his head. The night he first saw you.

 Hotch, Emily, and Spencer arrived at the arena while the show was still going, if the fireworks were any clue. Normally, one flash of a badge would get the team through any checkpoint, but security at this place was no joke. They called to confirm the identities of the agents before escorting them to the head of security.

 That’s when Spencer saw you for the first time. Hotch was arguing with the head of security, a woman named Carrie. Emily was interjecting, trying to convey how important it was that the three agents speak to you immediately without giving away any details about the case. Spencer, if not for his eidetic memory, would have no idea what had been said. His attention was drawn elsewhere when you ran off the stage.

 He knew it was the last song of the night because of what Carrie was saying. It was clear to them she was stalling the team, so you could finish the show everyone was there to see.

 You had a bright smile on your face, but it seemed off to Spencer. There was a slight sadness in your eyes, and he wanted nothing more than to ask you why. The feeling perplexed him. He’s never been a social butterfly, but your presence was captivating.

 He watched your smile transform into genuine happiness when you slid your arms into a new jacket for the final performance, and he wanted to ask about that to. He wanted to learn everything he could about you.

 He would’ve thought his heart had skipped a beat when you made eye contact, but he knew logically he would’ve required medical attention had that actually happened. The moment was brief. Your expression, although still happy, transformed into slightly quizzical when you glanced at the three agents. He watched as you thought about who they could be before discarding all thoughts from your mind to focus on the grand finale. He kept watching as you ran back on stage, the smile only growing in size and authenticity when you looked out at the crowd.

 He replays that memory in his mind, all the while ignoring the concerned glances and attempts at conversation from his friends. He desperately clings to the way he felt during that 30 second interaction.

 He doesn’t understand the feelings that started in that moment. It’s like as soon as he saw you, something in him shifted. He can’t explain it. He’s not blind. He saw the smirks and subtle glances the other profilers were giving when they saw him interact with you. He was just as surprised by his willingness to comfort you, both emotionally and physically. He’s never been one for touching people he doesn’t know. There’s too many germs. But with you, everything is different... With you, he wants it all. Every little thing. 

 Spencer has never believed in love at first sight. He’s always been too practical, has always thought too logically. But, after the tenth time reliving that moment, he still has no other explanation for the desire he felt. The desire he still feels to learn everything there is to know about you.

 All week, he’s chalked it up to his inquisitive mind. He’s always loved learning, so that must have been what was happening here. He’s never spent any considerable amount of time with a musician before, so it’s only natural that he would want to learn from the experience.

 That’s a much easier explanation to accept than love. People can’t fall in love in a week. Even if it was a week spent nonstop with each other. But something in the back of his mind was screaming at Spencer to tell himself the truth.

 And so he did. And it only confused him more. He’s a man of science. Proving theories with facts, not emotion. Of course, he’s always wanted to be in love, but life has shown him again and again that it wasn’t probable for him. That’s why he nearly fell out of the chair he was in when the realization dawned on him.

 “I haven’t had enough time.” It’s barely a whisper, but all his friends are right there hanging on his every word. They wear cautious expressions, as if he could be easily spooked back into silence.

 “Enough time for what, kid?” Morgan’s voice is uncharacteristically soft. Even in his most calming moments, Derek always puts power behind his words. It’s why he’s so good at helping people, but this is different. He can tell Spencer is hurting, and he doesn’t want to spook him back into complete silence.

 “I’ve barely scratched the surface. I have so much left to learn.” Although he’s still whispering, Spencer’s voice is growing more frantic as he looks between the concerned and confused faces staring back at him. His brain is moving too fast to really explain the thought process going on inside. He can’t put into words how it wasn’t love at first sight, but rather the desire to love you. He saw you and just knew he could love you. That desire to learn everything about you somehow turned into love in the span of a week. Before he can fall even deeper into the rabbit hole he’s found himself in, Spencer is jolted out of his head by the feeling of Rossi’s hands gripping his shoulders.

 “I know, kid. You’ll have more time.” Rossi’s words are so confident, Spencer has no choice but to accept them as fact. His heart slows back down to a normal pace. His breathing becomes more regular. His legs stop bouncing. His hands stop fidgeting. And he accepts the comforting words from his family.

 --

 You’re running. You don’t know where you are. You don’t know how you got here. But you know you’re running.

You feel at ease. You don’t know why. You know it to be true though. You feel safe. Peaceful.

 You try to look around. Try to figure out why you’re running. Are you running toward something? Away from something? For fun? It feels fun.

 You hear voices. It sounds like laughter. Slowly, you put the pieces together.

 You’re in your backyard. Playing with your children. Yours and Spencer’s children. There’s three of them. All girls. The youngest is 4. The other two 6. Twins. You have twins with Spencer. You bask in the joy of it all.

 You’re running because you’re playing tag. With your daughters and Spencer. He’s got the all teamed up against you. It feels unfair, but you wouldn’t change it for the world.

 There’s a song playing in your head. One you’ve never heard before. It’s beautiful though. So happy. You’ll have to write it down. Find out if you’ve written it in the moment or if you are simply remembering it from long ago.

 You still can’t remember how you got here. All you remember is dark. And cold.

 Dark and cold. Dark. Cold. A gunshot.

 The memory is foggy, but it’s there. The scene in front of you changes. The song is still playing. Its positivity doesn’t match the scene.

 It’s like you’re watching a movie. Spencer is holding you. You squeeze your eyes shut. You want to go back.

 Back to your kids.

 Back to being happy with Spencer.

 Back to running. Playing. Being in love.

 Then you hear beeping. It’s quiet at first. Drowned out by the song in your head.

 Then the song is getting quieter. The beeping getting louder.

 Then the song is gone. You can only hear the beeping.

 You remember everything when you open your eyes. It comes back to you like a wave crashing over your head, dragging you back into the ocean.

 Instead of focusing on the trauma, you focus on the song.

 It only takes 30 seconds for you to find your phone on the table next to your bed, open it to the voice memos app, and start recording.

 You sing as much of the song as you can remember. It’s not hard since the feelings behind it are so strong. The first verse comes from the forth night you spent with Spencer. You couldn’t sleep so you convinced him to get coffee with you. It didn’t take much convincing for the coffee part since he’s pretty much addicted to the stuff. It took some convincing for him to agree to where you wanted to go though. You wanted to go back to his favorite coffee shop, but he said you could just get some in the hotel. You managed to convince him to go though. He insisted on driving since he now knew you didn’t like it much. The gesture did not go unnoticed. You knew he didn’t like driving either.

 The chorus, second verse, bridge, and breakdown are jumbled, but they’re all there. It’s harder to get it right because it’s not coming from memories of you time with Spencer. It’s coming from what you hope to do with him. After a few tries, you’ve got the whole thing in order.

 You lay back in your bed, the song replaying in your mind as you fall back asleep.

 --

5 hours and 42 minutes. It’s been 5 hours and 42 minutes since you were wheeled into surgery. Every member of the team has gone up to ask about your condition at least once.

 The nurse they’ve been bombarding with questions walks into the room and immediately all eyes are on her.

 She escorts the team out of the waiting area into a private room before she says anything. “Since Ms. L/N is a high profile patient, we have a certain protocol to follow. All I can tell you right now is that she’s out of surgery, and she’s stable. Her security team is on the way and will need to approve any and all visitors. Once approved, her doctor can give you more information.” And then she leaves before any questions can be thrown at her.

 Everyone breathes a collective sigh of relief when they hear that you’re stable. That relief is replaced by frustration when they realize they have to wait to see you. Especially for Spencer. If he could walk more than two steps in this tiny room, he’d be pacing it. Once he starts rambling, not a single team member dare to interrupt him.

 It must have been 25 minutes of fidgeting, mumbling, and checking their watches before Carrie walked into the room, interrupting Spencer’s rant.

 “I don’t see why our badges aren’t enough proof that we can- Carrie. Finally, can we go see her now?” Based on the look in Spencer’s eyes, anything other than an affirmative answer would not end well.

“Spencer, of course. I just had to confirm your identity in person. It’s standard procedure when she’s in the hospital. For safety reasons. The doctor should be coming in any minute and she can take us to her room.” As if on cue, the doctor walked in.

 “Hello everyone, sorry to keep you waiting. Ms. L/N’s surgery went very well. The bullet was removed and all the internal bleeding was stopped before it got too bad. As you know, we’ve got her in a private room. She can have visitors, but limit it to one or two people at a time. Do you have any questions?”

 Spencer knows somewhere in his mind that he should ask the doctor everything about your condition, but he can barely keep it together enough to shake his head no. He doesn’t trust himself with words right now.

 “Alright, follow me to her room.” A parade of agents, along with Carrie, follow the doctor down twisting hallways to the private wing. “Now, remember one or two at a time. Last I checked, she was still asleep.” Spencer’s gaze drifts from the doctor to look at you through the window. At first glance, he would’ve sworn your eyes were open, but when he looked back again they were closed.

 “Once I go in there, I’m not coming back out until she’s awake.” He turned to the rest of the group.

 “Spence, it’s okay. You go in. Let us know when she’s awake.” JJ gave him a reassuring hug before her and the rest of the team wandered back to the waiting room.

 Spencer and Carrie walked in slowly, as if any sudden movement could hurt you. For the first time in his life, Spencer’s mind was completely empty.

 There were no statistics. No miscellaneous facts. Nothing.

 He looked at you, asleep in a hospital bed after you saved his life, and he allowed himself to just feel.

 It took a strange amount of concentration for him to only feel. His brain wants to butt in with statistics about the surgery or to count your breathing so he will notice any change in the pattern. But, he blocks it out. For you.

 He sits down in the chair beside your bed, grabs your hand in his, lays his head on the side of your bed, and feels everything.

 He feels all the love he’s been denying for the past week. He feels all the relief of knowing you are okay. He feels all the pain of watching you slip away from him. He feels everything he’s ever blocked out with numbers and statistics. And it’s exhausting. To feel so much at once.

 Without thinking about it, he feels his eyes grow heavier with each added emotion.

 Love.

Relief.

Pain.

Sadness.

Greif.

Anger.

Fear.

Gratitude.

Happiness.

 Just the prospect of being happy is heavy enough that Spencer falls asleep.

 The first thing he notices is that he’s running. He’s chasing someone. But not like he normally has to. No. There’s no unsub. Nobody is in danger. He’s playing a game. With children. His children. His and Y/N’s children. He has three daughters. The twins are older, around 6. The youngest is 4. They are helping him chase their mom. His wife. He’s built quite a future for himself in his head. He listens to the sounds of laughter, memorizing each individual’s laugh.

 He feels something squeeze his hand and he’s awake. Groggy, but awake. He wants to go back to the dream. To remember what pure happiness feels like.

 Then he remembers where he is. And why he’s there. The grogginess is gone. He’s alert in an instant. He’s looking at you, but you aren’t focused. You’re mumbling under your breath, looking for something in the sheets with your one free hand.

 “My phone. Where’s my phone? Was it real? Did I dream it?” You seem so flustered, and he can’t fathom why your phone could be so important, but he finds it for you nonetheless.

 “Thank you!” He watches as you rapidly open your phone, intently staring at the screen as if it might disappear.

 “What are you-” Before he can finish the thought, a voice- no, your voice is playing from your phone.

 “It was real…” You are clearly in a daze, but the happiness in your voice is contagious. Suddenly Spencer is smiling, pulling you closer to him as the lyrics to your song play in the background. He peppers soft kisses over any piece of skin he can reach. Your giggles fill him with even more love. Even more happiness.

 When the two of you finally separate, he asks the first question he can think of. “When did you write this?”

 You think back to your dream. The love. The joy. The pure happiness. You feel Spencer brushing the tears off your cheeks before you even realized you were crying. “It came to me in a dream. I… I guess I woke up earlier and I wanted to remember it. The dream. The song. It was all so beautiful. So happy. You were there. And then when I woke up I just recorded everything I could remember.”

 Spencer is looking at you with such adoration that you almost feel shy. You want more than anything for that dream to be a reality. Not right away obviously, but in the future for sure.

 “It’s beautiful.” His words are soft and low.

 “It’s about you.” If you weren’t in a hospital bed, you might be inclined to think you were still in a dream. “About us.”

“I love it. I love you.” Spencer whispers the words into your skin. Almost like it was involuntary, it slipped out like a breath.

 “I love you too.” He kisses you again, before the sound of the door opening breaks you two apart.

Carrie rushes in when she sees you’re awake, not realizing the moment that had just occurred.

 “Oh, Y/N. I’m so glad you’re okay!” She squeezes you lightly in a one armed hug, the other hand carrying a tray of coffees and a paper bag. “I brought coffee for Spencer and a scone for you!”

 “Well, I hope you poured a mountain of sugar into it. He likes it sweet.” You turn to smile at the man only to find him already looking at you.

 “Only as sweet as you.” You laugh at the cheesiness of the moment, but you blush anyway, squeezing his hand. “Thank you, Carrie, for the coffee. I should go let the team know you’re awake.” He kisses your forehead before he walks out of the room.

 “Oh honey, you have a lot to fill me in on.” Carrie is looking at you with the biggest smirk you’ve ever seen. She has been your head of security for 4 years, and the two of you have become close friends through all the crazy experiences. Although, nothing as crazy as this.

 “What do you mean? I told you I thought he was cute…” You really have no hope of hiding this from her, but you can mess with her a little bit.

 “Yeah, but kissing you on the forehead? Calling you sweet in the corniest of ways? What’s going on? Tell me!!” You could leave her hanging, but you are really feeling the need to gush.

 “I wrote him a song. In my dream. I think it conveys everything pretty clearly.” You play the song for her, again remembering how you felt in the dream. When it’s over you’re nearly in tears again.

 “It’s stunning. Just so beautiful. I’m glad you’ve found someone who makes you so happy.” You can tell she’s nervous about something, and you’ve got a pretty good idea of what.

 “Carrie, don’t worry about me. I really think he’s the one. I’ve never felt this strongly, especially so fast. And I know what you’re thinking, fast might not be good, but we’ve spent so much time together. I mean, think about it. How long does the average date last? 2, 3 hours? At that rate, we’ve already been on roughly 37 dates! And that’s if you don’t count the hours we spent sleeping, which we also did together!”

 Carrie snorts at that. “Yeah, sleeping.”

 “No, I mean actually sleeping.” You try to stress the point. “He kissed me once, but the rest of the time was spent getting to know each other, writing songs, him working on the case, and sleeping. Eyes closed, pajamas on, sleeping.”

 Her eyes soften, the smile on her face widening before she responds. “Okay. I won’t worry… too much.” You’re just about to tell her about the dream when the door opens again.

Penelope comes storming into the room with flowers and a teddy bear, whisper shouting about how happy she is that you’re okay. Just before you turn to give her your full attention, you can see Derek and Spencer talking in the hall.

 --

 “Come on Pretty Boy, what’s going on there?” Derek’s wearing his usual smirk for whenever Spencer’s love life is concerned.

 “What do you mean?” Try as he might, Hell would have to freeze over for Derek to stop this line of questioning.

 “I mean, I see how you look at her. Hell, we all watched you fall apart in the waiting room. What’s the deal? C’mon man, fill me in!” Spencer doesn’t know how to describe it. He doesn’t know how to convert the emotions he’s recently accepted into words, so he tries something else.

 “She wrote me a song.” Spencer’s words are wistful. He’s transported himself back into dreamland. Back to the kids and the games. Back to happiness.

 “Kid, it’s more than that. She wrote all of us songs.” Derek’s words cause the dream to sleep away yet again. .

 “No, well yes. Although technically we wrote that song about me together. I mean, she wrote me an entire song. In a dream.” This time, Derek replies too quickly for him to slip back into the dream.

 “Reid. You’re not making sense. You dreamt that she wrote you a song?” Derek’s words are comforting, like he’s trying to figure out the best way to help Spencer convey his emotions without pushing him too far.

 “No. She said after her surgery, she had a dream. About me. About… us. The song was playing in the background.” Derek nods, finally understanding his friend.

 “Okay, so what was the song about?” Again, his words are soft.

 “Us. The time we’ve spent together and the time she wants us to spend together in the future.” It’s taken Derek this long into the conversation to realize why Spencer seems so out of it. He’s happy. He’s not faking it. He’s not hiding behind statistics. He’s just happy. Plain and simple.

 “And that’s what you want to?” He can’t help but smile, really truly smile, at the pure look of adoration that Spencer wears when he looks through the window at you.

 “More than anything.” Derek pulls him into a hug. Normally, hugs like this are typically reserved for when they just saved each other or after a particularly bad case. This case, although involving Spencer’s kidnapping and a trip to the hospital, had a rather positive outcome.

 “Good. You deserve it man.”

 --

  A few days later and you are itching to leave the hospital. You’ve been working to reschedule your tour dates so you can fully recover before performing again, but even with that it’s incredibly boring to be stuck in the hospital for so long.

 “Good news. You can leave the hospital tomorrow!” Spencer walks in, followed by the rest of the BAU team. They’ve been taking turns visiting you, something you suspect Spencer asked them to do, but you don’t really mind. You’ve actually become good friends with most of them.

 “Yay!” Before too much celebration can occur, you’re passing out USBs to each team member. “I’m glad you’re all hear. I managed to record some preliminary versions of your songs! Listen to them whenever you’d like, or don’t that’s cool too. Either way, I’ll make sure to get you the properly recorded versions when I get a chance to go into the studio. I included some thoughts about other inspirationsas well, so don’t feel bad if there is a lyric that doesn’t really match you.” The majority of the team give you thanks and endless praise before Hotch clears his throat.

 “Our songs? Did I miss something?” You chuckle at that. The man clearly doesn’t miss anything ever.

 “Nobody told you? The first day I met you all, Pen asked me to write a song inspired by her. Trust me, it wasn’t hard. She’s a fountain of inspiration. Then when I was waiting for Spence to get back so we could go to the hotel, I came up with one or two for everyone!” You can’t tell if Hotch is more or less concerned now than when he was out of the loop.

 “So I have a song? What is it?” The rest of the team can’t hide their smirks. It’s clear they never get to see their boss act this nervous.

 “Well, it’s on the CD!” He groans at the idea of waiting when everyone else already knows. “But, since everyone else got a sneak peak, I’ll give you one too. Wasn’t it beautiful running wild till you fell asleep? Before the monster’s caught up to you… It’s okay, just wait and see. Your string of lights is still bright to me. Oh, who you are is not where you’ve been. You’re still an innocent.” You give everyone a minute to think about the lyrics before the silence is too much for you to take.

 “I’m sorry if that’s weird! It’s just, the first time I saw you, and there was this look in your eyes. In all of your eyes, but yours the most.” You are looking straight at Hotch. “Like you’ve been through some really terrible things, and maybe you had to do some things that can be hard to deal with. But, that doesn’t make you a bad person or anything, ya know? That’s where the inspiration came from…” You can’t tell if your rambling helped or not. The profilers are so hard to read. Pen is subtly crying near the side of your bed, so you pull her in for a hug. Before you know it, the rest of the team is joining in.

 “It’s not weird at all. You are pretty good at reading people, ever consider becoming a profiler?” Hotch is clearly trying to lighten the mood, but his expression conveys how much he appreciates the song.

 “I think this will be my first and last case. Clearly I’m not that great at talking down the bad guy.” You shudder to think of putting yourself in that position again.

 “From what I heard, you did a pretty decent job. The ending was exactly what we expected unfortunately. Plus, you can definitely hold your own. I heard you flipped Morgan over your shoulder like a ragdoll.” Rossi’s comment earns laughs from the entire group.

 “Please, I just caught him off guard. Although, I don’t think I’ll ever forget the look on his face afterwards.” Again, the groups laughs. “I just wanted to thank you all. For protecting me, but also for visiting me so much. You really know how to see the positive side of things.”

 “Anyone willing to jump in front of a bullet for Spencer is definitely a friend of ours.” JJ chimes in.

You can’t help but truly smile at the team. It seems you’ve found yourself another family, and you couldn’t be more grateful.

tag list:

@mac99martin , @wecouldbreakthedistance , @spencerhotchner , @girloncorneliastreet , @itsametaphorbriansblog , @moonshinerbynight , @meowiemari , @justanotherfangirl  , @im-so-wonderstruck , @eevee0722 , @raining13lemonade​ @dilaudidwinchester​ , @silverdagger69 , @thatsonezesty13 , @ladyravenclaw , @uwucorpse , @dark-night-sky-99 , @thechloethings , @http-cherries , @emilouu

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid #Criminal Minds #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst

[ajbwasntwriting]

To Serve and Protect (Bucky Barnes x Police!Fem!Reader)

the twd obsession has been interrupted since I’ve started watch TFATWS and have binged bucky fics like I was 15.

Summery: - Reader is an accomplished New York officer but an old case comes back in the shape of a super soldier in need of aid.

Warnings: - Light Spoilers for TFATWS, Cursing, mentions of Human Trafficking, flirty Bucky(kind of I tried)

You had just received your second medal of honor before the blip had occurred. When you came back, you were nearly arrested for breaking into what you had known as your apartment. Luckily, the situation was under control quickly. You had family just outside the city who were willing to support you until you got back on your feet but it still felt like a kick in the gut that your home was gone and you now had to learn a bunch of new skills to do with being a cop. Most of your friends had either died during the five years or had to move out of New York, and those who remained had moved on and didn’t seem to have time for you in their lives.

At least a few of your favourite places had stayed open, including what you thought was the best pizza joint in the state. You got dinner here most nights because it hadn’t changed. The tables still wobbled, the neon sign still buzzed from overuse, and Louis the owner still kept a couple slices of your favorite pie in the back for you.

“Please tell me the back booth is free” you sighed, taking the food from Louis.

“Long day, Detective?” Louis replied.

“New partner thinks I’m an idiot.” You mumble, taking a bite from the pie and burning your tongue.

“It’s clear,” Louis said sympathetically, nodding to the far side of the restaurant.

You slid into the small booth tucked out of the way, tucking into your pizza and soda. After your first slice you noticed a carving on the table. It was your initials plus A.S. equals epic. You smiled as you remembered your previous partner Aarush Sharma. You two had been friends since you joined the force and had come to this booth almost every break hour to fill up on pizza and terrible coffee.

“Detective L/N.” A gruff voice spoke to you. Judging by the shadow he casted over you, he was a big man.

“Look if your here to buy me off or intimidate me,” you snapped, “then you can fu-” you stopped short when you looked up. You recognised the man as James Buchanen Barnes instantly. “Oh,” you sighed with relief.

“You know me?” he asked you.

“Followed the Zemo case.” you explained. He visibly tensed at the mention of Zemo. You held up your hand to calm him. “I know you’ve been pardoned.” You suddenly remembered how your conversation with the Winter Soldier had begun “wait, how do you know me?”

“I need your help,” He spoke low, just so the two of you could hear. He slid opposite you in the booth, leaning forward on the table. “Two-thousand-fifteen, August seventh you filed a report on a human trafficking ring operating out of staten island.” You began eating your second slice of pizza as he talked. “You arrested the main perpetrators, with the exception of Donnie Morris and Frank Abara. You opened an investigation on them but it went cold two months later.” You nodded along to the story. “That’s because-”

“They’re Hydra? Real names Robert Bern and Josh Smith? And the trafficking was for human experimentation?” you interrupted him. He stared at you, just about concealing his surprise. “I was a good cop.” you finished off your pizza, wiping your mouth and looking away in shame. “Was.”

“Why’d you stop?” he asked.

“They threatened me.” You patted the flour off your hands and picked up your soda. “And when that didn’t work, they told my friends to stop me else their family would be hurt, so.” you slurped on your soda and stared back at him.

His piercing blue eyes were reading you like a book, pulling apart your disgust at never catching them, and trying to figure out how to use it to his advantage. He had to admit it was impressive that a normal police officer was able to get farther than he was, but you were still a normal person.

“I need to find them,” he spoke up.

“Why?” you cocked your eyebrow, soda straw still in your mouth. You had been studying his face to find any tell of malintent but the only conclusion you were drawing was that he was handsome as hell, and really good at hiding his tells.

“You don’t need to know.” he retorted. You hummed with discontent.

“See, Mr. Barnes. My job is to protect and serve. Sadly, that includes assholes.” You put down the now empty soda cup and leaned forward to match his position. “And you’ve said enough for me to arrest you under suspicion of planning to commit a crime against said assholes.” His glare hardened and his jaw tightened as he stared you down. “So please answer the question, ideally in a non-incriminating way.”

He looked and huffed, sliding back a little before fixing you with his stare again, but it wasn’t long until he was looking from his hands to the window, seemingly in defeat. “Their boss is dangerous. And I’m the one that made it so.” He forced a bitter smile finally looking back at you. “I’m trying to right as many wrongs as I can but I can’t find this guy but you.” he punctuated by pointing at you with his joined hands. You caught a glint of something metal up his sleeve that you suspect was his arm. “You came very, very close. Apparently, Closer than I thought you did.”

You mulled it over in your head for a moment before reaching into your breast pocket and pulling out your notepad. “Look, I don’t know what to tell you, Mr. Barnes” You looked over the restaurant between bouts of writing, talking all the while in case people were listening. “The case is closed and the records are public so everything you know is everything I know.” You quietly ripped off the piece of paper and pocketed the notebook, picking up your trash to disguise it. He took the hint and hid the paper by putting his hands down and sliding back in the booth, seemingly in defeat. “Good night, Mr. Barnes.” you said, and walked away, depositing your trash on your way out.

Bucky sat their a moment to give you a head start before stepping out himself, piece of paper in hand. As he walked home he opened the paper.

Tomorrow Seneca Village 23:35

Bucky stood in front of the plaque, mind too busy working through every horrible thing that could happen from this little stunt. He was about to run when he heard your voice. “Hey there.”

You walked over and stood next to him, stoically in your repose. You were wearing a pair of jeans and heeled boots with a fashionable jacket and a suitcase in hand. “I don't know which of us is stupider right now.”

“You could have picked a better meeting spot.” Bucky retorted, shifting uncomfortably.

“It’s horrifying,” you commented, putting the case down, Reading over the plaque. “Over two hundred lives ruined by a couple of assholes who wanted a park. Reminds me of another couple of assholes.”

“Yeah?” Bucky replied. You stood there a moment longer, thinking if you could still go back. You bit your tongue and decided having faith was the better bet.

“Burn it when you’re done.” you shot back and walked past him.

Bucky noticed the case just outside his line of vision. He picked it up and walked away from the plaque, trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible despite the case not really matching his attire.

You didn’t hear anything for a couple weeks after the impromptu meeting, having handed over every piece of evidence that had been sitting in your self storage since 2015. Each minute was spent biting your nails with stress, hoping your actions didn’t come back to bite you in the ass. Then the news came on, publicizing that Robert Bern and Josh Smith had been arrested ‘after it was discovered they were connected to a human trafficking ring in New Jersey and a former operation in Staten Island.’

“Looks like somebody did your job for you.”

“Shut up, Louis.” you quip back at him, nursing a terrible cup of coffee. The restaurant was near empty aside from yourself, Louis, a trio of loud drunk women in the corner and a homeless man who had scraped cents together to buy a slice of pizza. The TV above the kitchen archway providing most of the ambiance.

“What’s got you in a mood?” he asked as he cleaned.

“Ever been ditched on a blind date? I get all dolled up,” you opened your coat to show a figure hugging dress with a low neckline, coupled with an elegant necklace. “And the asshole texts me when I’m already at the lounge saying he needs a fucking rain check.”

“Okay, well he’s an ass-”

“Right!” you exclaim.

“But you need to stop scowling before you scare off my customers.” Louis playfully chided.

“Oh, cause there’s so many of them.” you waved a hand out at the restaurant to emphasize your point. Still you leaned over your coffee to stew in your own misery. You couldn’t hear the door open over the women’s third rendition of ‘I’m every woman’ but you noticed someone slide onto the bar stool next to you. You turned your head to see Bucky looking back.

“Have I seen you here before?” Bucky said playfully.

You chuckled involuntarily and sat up on your stool. “You must be mistaking me with someone else.”

He swiveled on the stool to face you fully, leaning on the counter comfortably. “You sure?” he seemed to be playing with you, a sly smirk on his face. “Could’ve sworn I met this detective lady here who looked a lot like you.”

“Was she pretty?” You pressed, a smile now sneaking it’s way onto your face without you knowing.

Bucky looked in your eyes with a soft sincerity. “Incredibly,”

You laughed nervously as you looked away and into the pool of your coffee. “Was that before or after she helped you with your job.” You deflected.

“About that,” Bucky leaned onto the counter. He was still quiet good at hiding his tells but you got the impression he was nervous by the pause. “You gave me more than I needed so I was able to do better than I planned. I know how hard it can be to trust someone. I'm not sure how to thank you for that.”

“Take her on a date!” Louis yelled from the kitchen, looking at you two through the serving window. “She’s already all ‘dolled up’” Louis mocked you.

“Keep cleaning!” you shot back. “Ignore him. He’s just dripping with sympathy since I got ditched.”

“I mean,” Bucky started, you looked over and saw him staring at his hands with nerves as his thumbs tapped against each other. “I just wouldn’t know where to take you.” he admitted under his breath.

A question instantly plagued your mind and it demanded to be asked. “Have you not...since nineteen-fifty?”

Bucky nodded with pursed lips. “You can laugh.”

You smiled at the super soldier. “Right,” you announced, pushing yourself off the stool. “Come on, I know a great dive three down.”

“A dive?” Bucky asked in disbelief, but he was still smiling.

“Yep. Where they don’t give a shit who you are as long as you're buying.” You fixed your jacket with new found enthusiasm. “You are buying, right?”

“For a doll like you,” He stood up from the stool. “I’ll buy the bar.” he held the door as you both left the little pizzeria

“Oh honey, there’s nothing like me.” you said playfully as you stepped out the door.

“Then I must be the luckiest man in the world,” he flirted, offering you his arm. You slide your hand in, curling your wrist around his bicep and off you both went.

#bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #tfatws #tftws #reader x bucky #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #james barnes #reader x bucky barnes #fem!reader #fem!reader x bucky barnes #bucky barnes x fem!reader #remale reader #reader insert #mcu reader insert #mcu bucky #mcu bucky barnes

[peeterparkr]

perennial;tom holland|eleven.

chapter eleven: snapdragons & sunflowers (Vol. 1) 

↳ flower meaning: snapdragons: deception. sunflowers: unconditional love.

chapter summary: to ask for a kiss. 

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings: fluff, angst, comedy, all in one, mentions or allusion to sex but not smut :), you’ll see, alcohol. 

You’ll hate me. 

word count: 11.2K

SOCIAL MEDIA BEFORE THE CHAPTER:

masterlist & profiles  

ten (Instagram): in which they share set pictures

ten (tweets & texts:in which the groupchats are…loud

previous chapter next chapter   perennial masterlist.

perfidy  ( series masterlist)

wanna be tagged?

So, please help me out I think tags aren’t working. So yes, hope you enjoy this :)

Y/N was made of the people she loved or once loved. Everyone is, really, but y/n probably made sure it showed.

 Like her habit for photography had come from her very own best friend, of the way she started watching cooking videos because of her other best friend and always read the ingredients on any of the food she ate. Her clothing style had come from her very own first boyfriend who had introduced her to the magnificent world of the 80’s.

Her love for 80’s movies had come from Louis introducing her every night to a different one, a new story, a new song, and honestly it was good he showed her to it, y/n found her one true love. Louis, really, had shown y/n a lot of things, like how to lie to see him at indecent hours, and how  And how Louis taught her that love doesn’t have to last and that sometimes people aren’t what we expect.  

How she loved pancakes because that’s what her mother used to make them every Sunday, and how she’d learned from her father that sometimes sitting outside in the grass on a sunny day could bring back happiness to us. 

How her grandma had taught her how to have a perfect poker face, and how her grandfather had shown her how to peel an orange in a ‘correct way’. 

 How she had started to drink her tea with lemon and honey because James had once given her one like that and it brought nice memories. And how James had told her that it’s okay to love, even when people tell you not to, you have to fight for your love, you shall never be afraid of who you love. And James teaching her that she should love for herself, for her own, and not having to share her feelings if she didn’t want to. 

How y/n had started to watch subtitled films because Timmy had shown her some hidden gems. Or how she had learned from Tim to enjoy little moments, like the sunrise if she ever had to wake up early, or how she opened the windows to listen to the rain splattering. Tim had taught her too much about life, like enjoying wasting time. 

Y/N was made, the most, of the people she loved the most. Like how she made pasta the way James had taught her to once when their parents had gone out and James was left in charge. 

Or how when she was sad she’d watch that movie her childhood friend had introduced her to, and how they didn’t talk now. How y/n had learned that music was a way of healing because of that same friend. 

Or how to make a story sound great with Harry, and how Harry had shown her songs that probably were her favorite ones. How Harry and her knew that they didn’t like tequila because of that one time, and how they had learned that mixing cranberry, and grape juice and vodka tasted great thanks to Sam’s idea. 

The way that Emma had taught her to use certain hair products, and how Emma had taught her that sometimes we have to sing out our feelings, and scream and shout. How Emma had taught her the importance of a friendship and having someone’s shoulder to cry on. That she didn’t have to be lonely. 

How when she kissed she usually liked to place her hands behind their neck because she’d done that on her very first kiss with Tom, or how she usually ate some of the chocolate chips when she baked cookies because Tom and her used to do that. She had learned how to wrestle from a very young age and beat Tom, and she had learned how to play with his hair in a way to make him smile. She had learned the meaning of a rose, when all her life she had never understood about it, Tom had shown her how to approach a dog, and Tom had taught her how to cuff her jeans in a cool way. Or the habit she’d picked from him of undressing the beer bottle when they were talking or how he opened it with the table. How Tom had taught her how to kiss, from their very first one to the last one, different kisses each time, how he’d taught her each and every kiss is a journey, a mystery. How she’d learned how to deal with heartbreaks and to fall in love all over again. And how she had learned that he’d come back to her. But really, how a heartbreak feels when it’s real. 

That’s who y/n was. All the beautiful things of the people she loved. 

But she was also the bad ones, unfortunately, because people shape us. Y/N was also made of the ugly parts, very ugly parts. 

One that stood out the most, she’d learned from Tom, from James, from her family, was to avoid talking. 

Everybody wanted to talk, everybody except y/n. She knew she was being immature, but she’d learned that from everyone around her, not to care if you don’t have to. But she was too overwhelmed, everyone had something to say about, except her. How could she talk if she didn’t know what she wanted? 

Tom, Harry, Emma, Tim, James, Sam, Cherry, Aunt Eliza, even Josh and Clark.  

Everybody wanted to talk. She didn’t. 

She had caught on to what Tom was doing. She'd go along with it, he was the only one she wanted to talk to, honestly. 

And Emma, because she knew Emma didn’t judge her, Emma understood y/n, and Emma had been the only one who really didn’t tell her she was wrong. Even if Tim was her best friend, Ema understood that y/n’s heart belonged to Tom. 

“Clark is great, I may have fallen in love with him,” Emma had stated. 

Y/N nodded. “He’s great, I—“

“Why didn’t you know?” Emma asked. 

“I did know. But I didn’t—James was—you know how I’ve only dated three guys?” Y/n asked, she was putting on makeup, she had a date. 

“Yeah.” 

“James is exactly the opposite, he’s dated like half the gay population his age in London,” y/n scrunched her nose, as she was choosing between lipsticks.. “So I just—Never paid attention to any guy he dated because I never thought it was serious.” 

“Are you talking to him now?”

“I did today, only because of Clark,” y/n admitted, giving up on the lipsticks and instead choosing to work on her hair. “James is still angry I am in love.” 

“Not angry at that, you know that,” Emma pointed out. 

“Is it that wrong I am so in love with Tom?” Y/n left the brush on the table as she turned to look at Emma. 

“It’s completely bollocks y/n, but then again,” Emma sighed, “I wish I could be more like you and just love—I mean and I also wish Harry wasn’t so scared okay? He’s just so bloody scared, I wish he’d just say hey, Emma, d’ya fancy to go for a stroll? But no, we are both so… Gosh, I wish we were more like you and Tom, throwing everything down the drain.” 

“We are-” 

“You are, y/n,” Emma rolled her eyes. “He blows your mind and you basically want to yell it to the world, and he gets you all stupid, and you’re happy again, that’s alright, though-” 

Emma was laying down on y/n’s bed, her feet up against the wall, as she was nibbling on a popsicle. 

“Yes, I know, we have to talk,” she sighed. 

“Who says it has to be right now?” Emma had said. “Right now you barely have time to think, and I see you all happy and giggling, and besides, talking doesn’t have to be dramatic.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“It’s just… I don’t get it why James wants it to be dramatic, it’s just hey, you guys love each other, what else is there to know?” 

Y/N nodded, turning back to the lipsticks. 

“You do have to tell him you know about Cherry, though, which-” 

“Yeah, n, no, but I get it,” y/n sighed.

“Which, I love you’re ignoring, just pretending like she doesn’t exist, ” Emma laughed. “She just arrived yesterday, didn’t she?” 

“She did,” Y/N sighed. “Ugh, I don’t want to see her and she wants to talk, what does she want to talk about? We’ve never cared about each other before, met her like three times growing up because my mum and hers didn’t get along, which by the way, I’m scared James and I are headed in that same direction.” 

“You won’t,” Emma said. “James loves you too much to ever leave you.” 

“You never know,” y/n said. “Besides that’s not my point, my point is why does she want to talk? We have nothing in common!” 

“Dunno, you’re blood related and you both rode the same dick, seems like you’ve got a lot in common.” 

Y/n closed her eyes as she forced a laugh, “Emma!” 

“I’m just saying, y/n, that’s why you and I became close, we’ve both kissed the same two guys.”

“It’s different,” Y/N scoffed. “I—just don’t want to see her okay? Because I know I’ll be reminded of every single insecurity I have,” she admitted. “Because I know that the moment I see her I’ll get just so anxious, you know? She’s so pretty, and she’s so perfect and from what-” 

“From what I’ve gathered from Eliza, she’s also a mess,” Emma added. 

“That’s an issue, that’s Tom’s type, just look at me,” y/n laughed as she stared at a bright red lipstick. 

Emma scoffed. “Oh, hadn’t thought about that, Tom’s into messy girls with your genes.” 

“It’s so fucked up, though,” y/n said, as she looked up at the wall, she needed to change the flowers, they were drying out. She hadn’t changed them in a while. 

Emma shrugged, “considering how small his brain is, he probably thought it would feel the same way if he closed his eyes.” 

“As if it would,” y/n replied cockily, finally choosing a light pink, changing it up a bit, she’d always used bright red lipsticks with Tom,  “I’ve known him his whole life, and now I’ve—“she cleared her throat. “ I know exactly how to work him up.” 

Emma let out a loud and long laugh. “I can tell, Jesus, what did you do to him to have him oh, so mesmerized? Are you a sex goddess or why are those two men so bloody entranced by you?”

Y/N blushed and shook her head laughing. “You’re an idiot.” 

“How do you really feel?” Emma wondered, getting the conversation back as serious as it was supposed to be. 

“I don’t know,” Y/N admitted, she was still on some pair of pjs. “I… I’ve been talking with Tom, or…” She rolled her eyes. “He’s found a way to talk, and I think it’s worked out for both of us.” 

“Oh, what is it?” Emma sighed. 

Y/n walked over to her closet, it felt so weird to choose something to wear, Tom had warned her to be casual, something her style, something very her. 

“We use the script so we can… I guess we’re projecting it all, and well, I think he’s been understanding about it, and I think I’m starting to understand his point of view, about Tim at least.” 

“Please, I don’t need to listen to him to know why he feels that way,” Emma pointed out. 

“Really?” Y/n turned back to Emma as she was choosing between them. 

“I like the red one,” Emma suggested. “But please, y/n,” Emma scoffed. “Timmy was the one who stole his chance, Timmy was the one who got the girl when he had fucked up and everyone around Tom said it, we’ve all said it at some point, Tim is perfect for you.” 

“But—“

“and besides, Timmy was the one-” 

“The one who opened the door when Tom came to apologize,” y/n finished Emma’s sentence as she sat down hugging the red dress Emma had suggested. 

Emma frowned. “What?” 

“Guess Timmy had secrets, too,” y/n said.

Emma seemed confused. 

“He never told me about it, how Tom had come a second time, and…” She sighed. “I mean I guess I’m thankful he didn’t but I’m… I’m only wondering—“

“Oh, back when you first started dating,” Emma recalled. “He did tell me about it, and I.. was the one to advise him not to  tell you.” 

Y/N gulped. 

“Would you have run back to Tom?” Emma wondered, embarrassed. “Honestly I told him not to because—Well, I had asked Harry about it, you know? Harry had said you hated each other and that you had been avoiding Tom for a while now. That you were enemies.” 

“We were.” 

“And I mean—Back then, you really hated him.”

Y/n nodded. “Yeah, I did.” 

“So I told Tim not to tell you about it, because I thought—I didn’t know the background but I thought Tom was going to—hurt you, you know? And I guess, we all did, and we all kept that mentality even when he wasn’t trying to.”

“Yeah.” 

“Wow, I’ve never thought about that,” Emma nodded. “Even when I knew you were dating back in New York, we were just waiting for it, for Tom to—“

“Yeah, for Tom to pull a Tom,” y/n ended the sentence. “And I mean—He kind of did, but it was my fault.” 

“Tom really sabotages himself, it seems.” 

Y/N reached out to hug her frog, she was thankful James had brought it, “he does, but because he’s expected to, you know? Maybe that’s why— I haven’t brought it up because I’m not—I’m not expecting the heartbreak this time, and I know bringing up the whole Cherry thing is looking for it,” y/n explained. “I trust him this time, and he really wants to make it work out.” 

“Would you have gone back to him? Had Tim told you he had showed up?” Emma questioned. 

Y/N breathed in heavily. “Dunno,” she said. “I was so heartbroken back then, I thought— and I had promised myself back then I would never fall back for him, and… I mean, I had even thought I would never love again because that’s how dramatic it was, I really didn’t want to see him, that heartbreak is what led to all this mess, you know?” She explained. “Now Tom knows that, I think he really understands it, and he feels guilty and I mean, I was angry when Tom told me about it, because… Tim, well he didn’t know back then, he just was too sure that Tom loved me but—After learning all of this? Tim should’ve told me, because just now, learning it, I guess it changed a lot of things, not that it erased anything, but I lived all this time thinking he hadn’t… He really hadn’t cared, and it took him a lot of time, still, but he had tried to apologize again, and Tim keeping it to himself knowing that what broke me the most was that Tom had never shown up? Tim keeping it to himself is just—so selfish.” 

Emma bit her lip. “He’s still in love with you.” 

Y/N remained quiet. 

“I mean, you can’t blame him,” Emma said. “You guys were… I mean before Tom, you really seemed to be hitting it off, I thought you’d end up dating again.” 

“I did, too, at some point,” y/n admitted. “But-” 

“But you love Tom, I know,” Emma shrugged. “No but… Y/N you also, have to acknowledge it, you can’t keep playing with Tim which-before you say anything, I mean it’s also on him, he knew it, but then again, I… I believed it at some point y/n, that you were going to get back together with him because… The way you looked at him just… and it was just—” 

“I know, I know and I thought… I don’t know, okay?” y/n admitted as she sat up. “I… It’s cause I never… I had closure with Tim, alright? I gave him the ring back because I thought, I know it, I want Tom, okay? It’s Tom, yes, it’s Tom.”

“But?” 

Y/n sighed, “Timmy—alright as I said before, I had said I would never love again after the whole Rome thing,” she cleared up. “And then Tim came along and just showed me this beautiful life and taught me how to love again, and I—He became a very special part of me.” 

“Yeah, and? That doesn’t explain your flirting.” 

“I didn’t—flirt.” 

“Well you answered to his flirting,” Emma pointed out. 

“We were—“

“You guys were flirting y/n!” Emma replied quickly, slightly stressed. “You guys don’t flirt like everyone else! Your flirting style with each other was by showing each other songs and him watering your plants, y/n! You were basically having sex with each other,” Emma rolled her eyes. 

Y/N stayed quiet. 

“But I know, Tom, Tom—“

Y/n gulped. “Yeah, Tom.” 

Emma watched y/n, confused. “Why are you acting like it’s the last time?” 

“What?” 

“Like it’s your last chance with Tom.” 

“I...don’t know, because what if it is, you know? It’s… stupid, we’ve had plenty of chances and… Last time, I just… Had I known it would lead to that. I know it’s my fault, and like we’ve both blown it up so it’s—“

“Neither one of you will fuck up.” 

“I know—But Tom… We are trying and I’m happy but I feel-” 

“Y/N you are pretending, I know, you won’t be happy until you talk about it with him.” 

She sighed. “I know, and we’ve been talking and I…” She coughed. “I really want to try it out.” 

“But…?”

“Am I allowed to forgive something like that? Am I even allowed to get angry about Cherry?”

Emma sat up as well. “Y/N, had he slept with anyone else I wouldn’t be so sure but that’s your cousin, that’s fucked up and-” 

“What if he finds out about Tim?” 

Y/N grabbed the pillow that had once been under her head and proceeded to get it in her face and scream into it. 

“Wait, I’m… I’m gonna try that,” Emma laughed, doing the same. 

Both of them were screaming into the pillows, pitying their sorrows and problems. 

Timmy had walked in. 

“What the hell?” He asked. 

Emma was the only one to peak her head out of it. “It’s therapeutic.” 

Timothee had only chuckled. “I bet.” 

Y/N had stopped screaming but kept the pillow over her face. She didn’t know how she felt about Tim, there was no point in being angry at something from the past, but it did change a lot of the way she saw him, maybe he had forgotten. But Tim was never one to forget, he was observant and he was quiet, and he was all about the stories. 

“Um, y/n?” Tim said. 

Emma watched Tim, and the small object he had in his hand. She shot him a warning glare, scared of the inside. 

“Yeah?” y/n answered from her pillow which now had a nice stain of makeup on it. 

“Can I talk to you?” He asked. 

Another person wanting to talk, what was it with everybody wanting to say words and listening and whatever? Y/N thought to herself. 

Though Timmy hadn’t asked for it yet, she knew it, but he hadn’t really said it, not the whole y/n we should talk. 

She wanted to say no, but she knew that she couldn’t keep doing that. Counting the days until it finally had to blow up, and then end up with bruises, no, she didn’t have to do that. 

She finally let the pillow down, “Yeah, sure,” she said before walking out of her room. 

“Sure, leave Emma behind,” Emma pointed out. 

“I… well,” Y/N looked at Tim. 

“It’ll be quick, darling, Emma dear,” Tim assured her. 

Emma rolled her eyes. “It never is with you both.” 

Tim rolled his eyes before leading the way outside of the apartment, y/n frowned, asking him to wait up so she could put on her sneakers, still wearing her pj’s. 

“So your birthday is tomorrow,” Tim had said as they had walked out, he had sat on the stairs. 

She chuckled as she sat beside him. “Yeah.” 

“You look really pretty,” Tim had said. 

“These pj’s really accentuate my features huh,” y/n joked. 

“Your makeup looks pretty and hair, idiot,” Tim chuckled. 

She only gave him a sad smile. 

“So, what are your plans?” He asked. 

“For… tonight? I’ve got a date,” she explained.

“No, tomorrow.” 

She shrugged. “Tom’s got some plans, apparently, he hasn’t told me anything about it, honestly I don’t… I don’t want to…” 

“What?” 

“Do anything you know? I will be too tired after filming, and I… I just feel like… Dunno, James and Clark will be there and I don’t want to talk to James still, and apparently Cherry invited herself, too so… And you’ll be there, and Harry and Emma… and Josh, and I just... ” She chuckled. “I’ve got a bad feeling.” 

“Why?” 

“Dunno, seems like a perfect combination for disaster.” 

“I met Cherry today,” he admitted. “Well, we’d met before but-Yeah, I thought you’d be at the flower shop. “And she was there, instead.” 

Y/N scrunched her nose. “Yeah I know she’s there, that’s why I haven’t gone there,” she explained chuckling shyly. 

“Why?” 

“Because then I’ll start feeling insignificant, because let’s face it and don’t you dare say no, but she’s really… Pretty, like she’s everything a girl would want to be and I’m jealous of her,” she admitted, truthfully. “I’ve never been the jealous kind but with her, I feel like—Of course anyone would choose her over me, and don’t—Say anything okay? I just feel that way. And if I see her I’ll be reminded of the elephant in the room waiting to be addressed, and I… If the conversation about you went wrong I don’t want to know how that-” 

“About me?” 

“Yeah,” she looked down. “Dunno.” 

Tim bit his lip. 

“How did he-?” 

“I don’t want to talk about that, Tim,” she quickly answered. “I can’t blame him for feeling the way he feels and that’s on me, too, I mean… I… really.” 

“What?” 

She looked down. “I— well, I don’t…know alright? If I feel anxious about Cherry I can only imagine how he feels about you, no, I can’t even imagine it, and look Tim, I—you know you’re very important to me but I’m… I’m dating… Or whatever is going on now, but It’s Tom right now, alright? And I know it’ll be for a long time.” 

“I know.” 

She looked at him, confused by his statement because it really didn’t feel like he knew it.. “And I don’t… want you to think there is an open door or-” 

“Y/N, I know,” he said. “Yeah, I know it’s Tom, now.” 

“But it’s not just—“

“I know,” Tim looked away. “I know.” 

She looked down. “I’m sorry.” 

“Just….” He took a deep breath. “I know it’s him, but that doesn’t… I mean, we’ve been friends, and I—I just ask you not to push me away, alright? I don’t know how I’d live without y/n in my world, and if having you around means having you with him, then I just have to deal with it, move on you know? And I know we are friends, so this is… This comes from your friend, Timmy.” 

She smiled, just slightly, very timidly. It hurt, hurting him but of course, keeping him around meant jeopardizing her relationship with Tom, and she really didn’t want to give it more excuses. 

“Timmy,” she sighed. 

He smiled. “I’m serious, it’s alright, no… no resentment, alright? We both know we… I don’t…you know it, I’ll always love you, but we—I mean you—you love someone else and it’s be stupid of me not letting you love him, that is just pathetically selfish. And don’t get me wrong, it hurts like a bitch…. Yeah, I know it, but… I don’t want to lose you, I am not stupid… but I also… I know that if I give this to you tomorrow, Tom will lose it and I… don’t want that, so I’m giving you this, today.” 

He pulled out a film canister. And it felt like one of those times when life likes to punch you with reality. She felt a fear deep inside her stomach. Last time he’d given her one of those an engagement ring was hidden in it. 

“It’s… It’s not what you think,” Tim rolled his eyes. “Oh, you really thought I’d propose again?” 

She let out a soft chuckle. “No--I… I mean,” I’m-I didn’t think you would-” 

“Your face,” He chuckled softly. “Yeah, no, I… I’m…” 

“Yeah, just last time you gave me one of those-” 

“Yeah, and look where it led us, I’m not… I wouldn’t… No,” Timmy laughed. “No, it’s not… and—do you really think I’m the type of guy to propose on a bad time—-Actually don’t answer that,” he chuckled. “Okay, open it.” 

She grinned, and took the film canister from him. “Man I hope it’s an iPad,” she joked, warning a laugh from Tim. “No, you—you shouldn’t have.” 

She shook it just slightly, listening to no sound coming out from it, before finally opening, carefully. “A…there’s nothing?” She asked. 

“Yeah,” Tim laughed. “I know.” 

She frowned, confused but then chuckled. “I love it… I hope I… can get to wear it soon,” she joked. 

“It couldn’t fit there, but I—Well, you know, we had that tradition, ,” he said before finally giving her the box that sat beside him. 

She took the box and smiled, opening it, an old vintage Polaroid camera stood there. 

“I know you’ve—I think it works, it’s—It’s an original, I've noticed you haven't really taken any Polaroids, and I know you love them,” he coughed. “So, yeah, happy birthday.” 

Y/N had only looked up, giving him a true smile. 

“Thank you, I love it!” 

But of course, the timing could not have gone any worse. Tom had arrived. Y/N had momentarily  forgotten she had agreed to spend the night with him, nothing too serious but Tom had insisted because he had a surprise for early in the morning and he’d come pick her up for dinner and then she’d stay with him. 

Maybe she should’ve seen the trouble coming. 

Tom cleared his throat loudly, “hello,” he said, standing with sunflowers. Yellow flowers with pretty meaning, y/n thought. 

Y/n looked up, calmly, knowing that if he saw any hint of her freaking out it would blow it up because his mind would go places.

“Oh hi!” She grinned. “sorry—I’m not—“

Tom clenched his jaw at Tim, but then turned to y/n and chuckled, “Darling,  when I said casual—I didn’t—“

She chuckled nervously standing up. “Sorry, I—“she squeezed her eyes shut. “I was discussing with Tim something about some pictures he’s planning on—yeah,” she lied, as she hid the film canister and box behind her back. 

“Yeah,” Tim said, clearing his throat, standing up as well. “Hello, Thomas.” 

“Tim.” Tom was nervous already, y/n could tell. 

“Are those for me?” Y/n questioned staring at the flowers  before they could say another word to each other. 

Tom chuckled between his teeth, “yeah, they’re most certainly not for Tim.” 

“Oh,” Tim said, “and here I was getting excited about them.” 

Tom faked a very quiet laugh and then turned to y/n. “So? Don’t get me wrong, you literally look so beautiful—but—“ He smiled looking down at her clothing. 

“Yeah—right!” She excused herself, not forgetting to kiss his cheek, before running back to her room, where Emma was waiting with the red dress and had pulled out some heels for her. 

Emma  walked out of the room, “hello, Tom, long time no see,” she said with sarcasm. 

“I know, these couple hours have been long,” Tom joked back, as he had walked in. 

Tim had followed after. It felt so tense, Emma could swear she could cut the tension with a knife. 

Emma hummed a fake laugh. “There are flower vases over there, you can guess which ones are y/n’s now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna steal Tim from you just a bit, I hope you don’t miss him as much.”

Emma had dragged Tim to her own room. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Emma snapped. 

“A lot of things,” Tim answered. “But let’s not go there, please.” 

“Oh don’t play that with me, I know exactly what you’re doing, and Tim—“

“I’m not—“

“Don’t fucking pull the whole I’m not doing anything bullshit with me,” she rolled her eyes. “I know exactly what you’re doing, and I’m sure you gave her the Polaroid today, really? Exactly when you know she’ll go on a date with Tom? And you take her to the stairs? So he can see it right?

Tim clenched his jaw. “I—Well.” 

“Sabotaging her relationship is not the way to go, Tim,” Emma warned him. “And I—I just told you—Best thing you could try is...move on, alright? I know you love her and that she was—She seemed perfect for you, and I still think you guys worked so well together but… She is so in love with him, and by doing this you’re only hurting her more—Besides, really Tim, you know her better than this,” she pushed. “I—“ Emma sighed. “I'm telling you this because I love you, I don’t want to sound harsh but—“She closed her eyes. “I know she is confused, and making her even more confused won’t help you, let her settle it, let her have it right now.” 

Tim didn’t say anything and just walked out of the room. He had gone to his room and unfortunately had left his door open to see y/n walking out on a red dress to run over excitedly to Tom, who had pulled her close to him to kiss her cheek and smell her perfume. 

Timmy knew Emma was right, y/n was in love with him. So, very deeply in love. And it hurt, seeing her. And Timmy asked for more patience, or for more time, or strength to move on. 

It felt weird, Tim felt lonely and broken hearted, and he just missed her, and it was stupidly incredible that she lived right there in the same apartment. He knew she loved Tom, that was it but it…. It still didn’t make any sense. Honestly, it felt like they were completely strangers. 

Especially y/n, she really felt like a stranger, even to Tom it seemed. She seemed too… distant to everyone.

Tom felt it, too. He felt that y/n was just off, even if she was happy or tried to be and even if she was kissing his cheek, she was being… different. And Tom only wanted to get over with it, the awkwardness. 

And he wondered if she wanted to get over with it, too. 

They went out for dinner, not in the place where she’d imagine Tom would take her, it was a nice dinner place with lightbulbs hanging around, a flower in a glass bottle, candles around, very… cozy, and romantic, and they were talking about barely anything, and maybe for a bit it felt like they were each other again. 

Y/N knew this, she felt weird with herself, as if even when she seemed to be saying what she wanted to say, she really wasn’t saying what her heart wanted, but as if her own heart was keeping secrets. It felt like Tom didn’t know her, though. And it had never felt that way before, but it felt like they were both trying to get to know each other again. Because neither of them were being themselves, not entirely. 

“So, you were clearly not talking about pictures with Tim,” Tom had mentioned. 

y/n looked at him and nodded. “Yeah, I wasn’t….”

“So?” Tom seemed anxious about it. 

“He gave me a birthday present, a…he gave me a polaroid,” she cleared up. “A vintage, original one.” 

“Oh, that’s cool,” Tom nodded, and gulped. “As long as he doesn’t give you a ring.” 

She rolled her eyes. “Tom.” 

Tom shrugged. 

“I… told him,” she cleared her throat. “That well… it’s you.” 

“It’s me?” Tom wondered, and a smile came to his face. “What am I?” 

She rolled her eyes, chuckling softly. “An idiot, that’s what you are.” 

Tom chuckled. “Uh-huh, I am, and what else?” 

She blushed. “Nothing.” 

Tom hadn’t pushed it any further. Their conversation kept flowing. Talking about them. What made them so… them. 

“I remember that everyone was in love with this one guy, ugh, what’s his name? The one that bullied you,” Y/N tried to recall. 

“Edward,” Tom remembered. “He was so big.” 

“Well, everyone had a crush except me, because well, I was the idiot, you know?” 

“You loved that scrawny guy who-” 

“Adorable guy,” she added. 

“Scrawny guy,” he continued. “Who did ballet and everyone crushed on Edward, who-” 

“I actually was… dating Louis back then,” she recalled. “But…” She chuckled. “But my point is… I was the one who… hid a rat in his car.” 

“No way!” Tom’s eyes popped as he leaned over. “You’re kidding.” 

“I… Look, nobody could be an asshole to you unless it was me, that was-” She was nervous. “I was so angry at everything he said at you, I…” She rolled her eyes. “And I… genuinely don’t know.” 

“Where in this bloody world did you get a rat from?” He wondered. “I mean thank you but I didn’t think you’d-” 

“Please I had experience from pranks for you so of course…” She gulped, hiding a laugh. “I...Well, there was a rat in Louis' house, and well they trapped it and instead of… you know killing it I… well told Louis to break into Ed’s car and I hid the rat there.” 

Tom was shocked. “And that was because of me?” 

“No, I hated Ed,” she looked away. “He was the biggest asshole.” 

Tom grinned. “Are you sure? Because I remember that rat incident being right after he had hit me in the hall.” 

“Really?” y/n coughed. “I wouldn’t remember,” she blushed looking away. 

“Which actually brought attention to me, they said it had been me!” He recalled. “I got into detention.”

Y/N grinned. “Yeah, killed two birds in one shot,” she smirked. 

“I’m serious did you-?” 

“Yeah, maybe I did it for you, okay? Whatever, yes, I had feelings for you and I was angry someone else was taking away my job, let’s remember we were enemies back then, alright?” She was nervous. 

Tom smirked. “You had a crush on me.” 

“Shut up,” she chuckled. “You had a crush on me, too.” 

Tom shrugged, smiling. “Yeah, I did. I’m not trying to hide it.

Y/N avoided his gaze, not believing he was actually making her feel butterflies, even after all this time, she was still nervous. In a good way. She wasn’t always nervous, most of the time, she didn’t, she felt so calm around him, but on the edge, as if she didn’t need to worry about being herself but expectant of each other’s attitude. 

Tom watched her, “Why do I always feel like there’s always something on your mind?” 

“Because there is,” she laughed. “Don’t you?” 

“No, I’m dumb, remember? I can actually blank up my mind,” he smirked. “Or well, not at all. There is a constant on my mind,” he had reached for her hand. 

“Oh?” her eyes had brightened up, a timid smile on her face. 

“Yeah, Spiderman,” he joked, earning a glare from y/n. 

It was so stupid. But they were… back being them. Probably because they were alone. As if someone was brushing y/n’s dream, and she couldn’t get enough of him, his laugh was her everything. She couldn’t help but sigh and run out of breath, and never stop blushing, there was no doubt about it. And she had once thought about it, ‘the day that Tom loves me, the world will party’. She had been wrong, the world wasn’t partying, and there were no flowers blooming and no fireworks. The world instead, stopped, as if it was them and only them. The stars were probably jealous of them seeing them shining even more brightly than them. 

“You know, from the moment we met,” he had said. 

“When we were kids, you mean?” She chuckled . 

“Truly met,” Tom gulped. “Rome, I mean.” 

She blinked. “Yeah.” 

“I… Why didn’t you kiss me?” He asked. 

“Hm? When?” 

“That one night, you know the one, lovely evening, I remember I asked for a kiss,” he recalled. “And… you said and I quote: ‘No, Thomas, don’t ask for a kiss’.” 

She looked away, remembering. “Because I didn’t want you to ask for it.” 

He frowned. 

“It’s silly but that’s the way I am, I didn’t want you to ask for it, I was clearly begging for one,” she explained. “I wanted you to… do it. One should never ask for a kiss, or not… verbally.” 

“How so?”

“I mean certain contexts,” y/n said. “But that night? I thought I had hinted it enough 

“So you did want me to kiss you,” He grinned. 

“Of course!” She beamed. “I—it’s not secret by now that I—“she cleared her throat. “Well, enjoy when our lips come together.” 

“Oh, so you enjoy that?” He mocked. 

“Very much so,” she answered shyly. “And—it had been the perfect evening! It would’ve cost you nothing,” she smiled. 

“Cost me nothing,” he laughed. 

“I think you’ll find that kissing me is quite cheap,” she pointed out.

He scrunched his nose. “That’s a lie.” 

“No, no, I was the one who could lose there,” she sighed.

 “No, y/n. Because kissing you costs a lifetime.” 

She scoffed. “How so?” 

“I kissed you once when I was 13 and never stopped thinking about it,” he said. “And after that evening.” 

“Would I have been so bad?” She questioned, “if we had realized it back then.”

“Think we did,” he said, “but you didn’t kiss me either.” 

“No, but—because you had asked for it.” 

“You’re right… I should’ve, but there’s a lot of things I should’ve done...still can’t believe it, how stupid I was,” he said. 

“It didn’t click you know,” she nodded. “When you broke my heart,” she continued. “I mean, the excuses you gave me… They didn’t make any sense.” 

Tom looked down. 

“And…” She sighed. 

“Would you’ve forgiven me? If I had come earlier?” He asked. 

She stared at him. “Maybe,” she admitted. “Probably, if I’m honest… I did wait for you to come again with yellow flowers, and I’d have my hand right in my heart, and I would wait for you to come and apologize and I would see it, you know, wait for you to stand up in the rain and said you didn’t mean it, and I… I was angry, alright? It was stupid letting my life pass by waiting for it besides the whole scenario...but then again, it wa shot and it’s still you and I’m—it’s silly.” 

“It’s not silly,” Tom said. “It’s you,” he took a deep breath, “and I knew you’d like that… kind of stuff, but when I finally realized it, it was too late.” 

“But it’s not late now,” she admitted. “We’re finally on time. And I’m glad I’ve always been so stubborn when it comes to you because otherwise we wouldn’t be here.” 

The evening had continued to flow, as both of them had become quieter, in a way that they didn’t need to talk to communicate, between whispers and giggles and hand brushing, it was all they needed. 

The ticking had stopped, y/n had noticed. It’d come, she knew but… God, when she was with him, she didn’t have to worry about anything. Because it seemed that it was made for them, all her doubts disappeared because he was the answer she needed. It was them against the world. 

They hadn’t talked about Valerie and William, not that night. It was Tom and y/n,.

They hadn’t kissed. Tom had ceased the kissing when James had arrived, which y/n hated, she missed his lips so much her own were begging for them. She wouldn’t ask for it. Never ask for a kiss, not out loud. 

She was wearing his jacket back on their way, he had said: ‘I wasn’t cold but I knew you’d be so that’s why I brought it’. Her hand was on his hair as he drove, listening to music, windows down as they hummed the lyrics, and as y/n stared down at the lights the city was giving her, her hair flying. 

She was sad, though, Tom hadn’t even tried to lean over and kiss her, not even seeing a hint of him trying to do so. 

They had walked in, the guys seemed to be all too invested in a video game, all except for Clark who was rather interested in playing with James’ hair as y/n’s brother yelled at the screen. He looked up when seeing them walk in, he smiled at the sight of y/n’s shoulders being covered by Tom’s jacket. 

“Hello, you two,” Clark had greeted them. 

Tom peeked to see the screen, not letting go of y/n’s hand. 

“Hi,” y/n said, knowing she’d most likely lose Tom’s attention to the screen. 

“How did it go?” Clark asked.

“Bloody hell, Samuel!” James yelled. 

“Piss off,” Harry yelled, too. 

y/n chuckled. “It went well,” she said. 

“Well?” Tom lost focus of the screen, as he turned to her. “Well?” 

She ignored him and kept staring at Clark. “Can you believe the evening has gone by so splendidly but he still hasn’t kissed me?” 

Tom immediately blushed. 

“Good,” said James. “Kissing is gross.” 

“Is it?” Clark asked before kissing his cheek. 

James coughed. “Straight kissing is gross,” he corrected himself. 

Harry laughed. 

Sam scrunched his nose. “Why haven’t you kissed her? you usually bloody eat each other’s faces.” 

Harry scoffed. 

“Don’t you dare eat my sister’s face,” James warned. “Or anything for that matter.” 

“James,” y/n closed her eyes. 

Tom laughed. “We’re gonna…” 

“No, why don’t you guys stay? We were about to play Mario Kart” Offered James. “So why don’t you both play with all of us, you know you can sit over there with your brother and y/n can sit over here, everyone’s happy.” 

“Jamey, love, don’t be a dick,” warned Clark. 

Y/N chuckled. “Fine, I want to play,” she admitted. 

“Great, mario kart is the real deal breaker between couples.” 

Of course, they hadn’t followed James’ instruction for their sitting arrangement, y/n had sat on the couch, and Tom had sat on the floor, resting his back against her. Y/N was still bothered by the fact she hadn’t yet been kissed that night, but she soon forgot it as it felt like one of those nights when they were younger, all of them playing and yelling at each other. 

Tom had left the room without any explanation at some point, but she was too busy trying to beat her brother at rainbow road to even notice. 

Time went by, and before she knew it, the lights had gone off, and they all had turned with a smirk as Tom had walked in with a cake with candles. 

‘Happy Birthday’ they all sang as she stared at the cake, pretty cake, sunflowers again. Tom kissing her cheek. 

It felt… like years ago, the Holland’s, James, and now Clark, too, of course it was Tom holding the cake now, not Harry, and now she didn’t have a wish, usually she’d plan ahead her birthday wishes, because that’s something James had taught her to. Instead, she wished for everything to keep flowing as easy as it could with Tom. Funny, how many birthday wishes had not involved him already. 

They had sat and ate cake like old times, y/n smearing some frosting to Tom’s cheek and then kissing it off, making the boy blush and getting James to glare at her. Laughing at each other, telling old jokes as y/n was laying against Tom, his arms around her and his lips brushing against her head. 

How many years had they not wasted by being enemies. 

Eventually, they had all gone to bed knowing the next day would expect them, except for Clark and James who had stayed in the kitchen. 

Tom and y/n had stayed on the couch. 

“So, I’m gonna be honest,” Tom had said as he had sat with her, he had left yet again to get something 

She only stared into his eyes, begging her with her sight to kiss her already. She should’ve probably wished for that, instead. 

“I—this wasn’t going to be your birthday present.” 

“You didn’t need to get me anything,” she said. 

He had sat up and pulled out a small box, he seemed nervous, but excited. The box… gave her shivers. But it couldn’t be. 

Y/n only smiled watching him, resenting her head against her palm. 

“I—back when,” he gulped, “back when I was still in London debating whether or not to direct dos-a-dos,” he continued. “I—well.” 

“Yeah?” 

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you because—Well,” he grinned. “I am so stupidly in love with you.” 

She only blushed. 

“So—one day,” he gulped. “I went—Well, you know, to the mall and whatsoever, and—I saw this shop.” 

“Right.” 

“And so I bought a pair of boots for me,” he said, leaning against the couch, trying to recall. “They were very—nice, you know?” 

“Uh—huh,” she rolled her eyes. “And did you bring those boots to LA?”

“No, I didn’t,” he side eyed her, “should’ve, you would have loved them.” 

Y/n rolled her eyes giggling. “I bet.” 

“But anyway, after I bought the boots—I passed by that shop you like.” 

Y/n blinked. “Care to be more specific?” 

“The one with the vinyls, and vintage stuff,” he reminded her, but she looked down at the tiny box he was holding, it definitely wasn’t anything from that shop. 

“Oh, yeah, love that place,” she smiled. 

“Yeah, and I—went in,” he admitted. “And I couldn’t stop thinking about you, everything they had… so I—“

She just waited for him to continue. 

“I bought a fee vinyls for me, too,” he nodded seriously.

 Y/n bit her lip, holding back a laugh, “amazing, which ones did you buy?” 

“I bought a Beatles one… uh, Queen.” 

“Great choices,” she grinned. “I’m proud.” 

“And of course Rolling Stones, because I thought of you,” he said. 

Y/n scooted closer to him to gently run her hands through his hair, he couldn’t hide his smile. 

“And then—One day, I went out again,” he grinned. 

“Hm-hm?” 

He coughed, “yeah, and I walked again to that one other shop you like, the one with the clothes.” 

“With the clothes,” she laughed. 

“Yeah, you know the one,” he chuckled, avoiding her gaze. 

“And did you get in?” She asked. 

“No,” he grinned. “I went for an ice cream, you know, I was really craving one.” 

She stared at him, so mesmerized by him, even when he was being the silliest. “God, I love you,” she blurted out, without really thinking of it. That’s how it should be, realy. Nothing wrong with that. 

He finally locked his eyes with her and smiled, he took her hand in his and kissed it. “Yeah, so—“he grinned, “none of that has to do with your birthday present.” 

Y/n chuckled. “Really? I thought the birthday present would be seeing you with those boots and dancing with you to the music on those vinyls and eating ice cream.” 

“Ah, that would’ve been great huh,” he grinned staring into her eyes. 

“Would’ve loved that.”

“I actually did bring the vinyls,” he admitted. 

She kissed his temple. “Great, let’s play them—“

“Yeah, but—I haven’t finished,” he admitted. “I… Well, I've had a lot of time, you know? To reflect on—on the script, on us. But especially the script.” 

Y/n stared at the features on his face, fixating on the freckles on his nose as he kept talking. 

“So, I kept avoiding the script, even if I wanted to direct it because—Well, it was your dream, I remember and I think I’ll never forget how in Rome you told me your biggest dream was making a film of a ballerina,” he said. “I—well, and I wanted to read it, but I couldn’t because I thought—well, dunno, having something yet to read was something I still had to look forward to, you know? And so I kept listening to the vinyls because they reminded me of you, and I kept—trying to find you everywhere, alright?” He confessed. “On every single face and—The days just went by and I—eventually read it.” 

Y/n silently watched him. 

“And I fell in love with it, because—it’s you. The script is so—you, it was like reading an open book about you, and I don’t mean it in the way that it’s our story, like I genuinely—you really poured heart and soul in it, the songs you put in, the setting—and, well, it was really you, you know? I know you’ve always loved 80’s movies because they seem so ridiculous but so magical.“

Y/n chuckled nervously. “Where are you going with this?”

“I know it’s your biggest dream,” he sentenced. “And well—I’m sorry I didn’t get you a pair of boots like mine.” 

She laughed rolling her eyes. 

“And I didn’t get a vinyl.” 

“Tommy,” she nudged him. 

He only handed it to her, the small box. A very stupid and scary suspicion in her head had completely been erased as she picked the small box.

As she opened it, it revealed a necklace with a small pendant of a ballerina hanging from it. The brightest beam had appeared on y/n’s face. 

“I know you’ve—never liked the idea of someone giving you jewelry, especially bracelets or necklace because they don’t hold any meaning, but—I think—I know you’re not a dancer but, I think Valerie is your own special project, and—“Tom grinned. “I was saving it to give it to you on the premier but—“

“I love it, I...No, really this… This is perfect,” she whispered looking at it. Tom had once taught her that roses weren’t always basic. And Tom had now proven to her that this didn’t have to be either, because it was them, and it held such a special meaning to her. 

She leaned over to kiss his cheek, and he only smiled. 

“I was gonna give you a T—“

“As in Troy?” She mocked. 

“That’s exactly why I didn’t.”

She laughed. “I love it.” 

He looked deep into her eyes and she just waited for it… But he didn’t kiss her. 

“Yeah, so, let’s go to sleep,” he quickly stood up, letting her fall flat on the couch. 

“Thomas,” she hissed playfully. He had already left, and she could feel his smirk from afar, so she followed after him. 

“So, you can have my bed, I’m gonna leave to sleep on the couch because that was my agreement with James,” he explained, picking up his stuff as soon as she got to the room. 

She frowned. “No?” 

“Yes,” he replied cockily. 

“I’m not letting you leave until you bloody kiss me,” she replied. 

He paused and then turned with a proud smug smirk, “Then that gives me even more reasons not to kiss you.” 

She opened her mouth to complain, but really she was in such a state of shock that not a single word came out. 

“Goodnight love,” he grinned as he headed to the door. 

“Why are you like this?” She rolled her eyes, giggling. 

Tom took a deep breath before staring her down. 

“For the love of god, kiss me.” 

“No.” 

“Why not?” 

“One shall never ask for a kiss,” he replied smugly. 

“Are you kidding me?” She closed her eyes, not believing it. 

“No, you said it yourself,” he grinned. “Not verbally.” 

“Just shut up and come here, idiot,” she laughed before pulling him close to her, finally placing her lips on him. It felt like just the very first time, Tom and her had that magic, of making each and every kiss feel like they’ve never kissed before, so unique and so perfectly synchronized with each other. 

“Don’t you guys fucking dare to do anything,” James was just walking by with a glass of water. “People need to sleep.” 

Clark had mouthed an apology before following after. 

Y/n had pulled away and then smirked. “Want to prank him?” 

Tom had only given her a weird face. 

Y/N knew James was staying right on the next room, and that she definitely was not going to be able to do anything without him hearing, that of course, meant she could piss him off, to get back at him for being a dick. 

Y/N explained her idea to Tom, and he immediately accepted, with the sole condition to leave the door open so his life could actually be spared. 

Both Tom and y/n had settled in their places, sitting right on top of the bed, right against the headboard which was conveniently against James’ wall. 

And so they started.

Both of them repeatedly, and in perfect sync started, Tom hitting his elbows against the headboard, making sure the noise it made was perfectly identifiable as something else as y/n was jumping on the bed. 

A faint “no, no, no, no, fucking hell, no,”  had been yelled from the other room. 

Tom and y/n tried to hide in their laughter, but proceeded to make it even worse, adding dramatic moans and “oh yes!” “Y/n!” “Right there!” “Tommy!” In between. 

“NO FUCKING WAY!” Now it had been louder. 

“Jamey, love—“ 

Tom and y/n smirked and went in even louder, “yes!” “So tight!” “Harder!” “Yes, yes, yes, yes!” 

“No! No! No! No! Bloody hell y/n I’m in the bloody next room!” James yelled. “I’m gonna kill you, Thomas!” 

And then they heard the loud and quick stumping as James’ door was open as he ran to knock on y/n’s and Tom’s door, but instead, the door was wide open and he could see what actually was happening, Tom and y/n, fully clothed and not even an inch close. 

That’s when both y/n and Tom lost it, bursting into laughter. 

“YOU GUYS FUCKING SUCK!” James yelled at them before joining in their laughter, red from embarrassment. 

Clark had followed right after, laughing with them. “So that—“

Y/n couldn’t stop her laughter, even tears had come down her cheek as she stared at her brother so embarrassed, watching them. 

“I can’t believe you fell for that!” Y/N had laughed. 

Clark couldn’t stop giggling either. 

“And by the way, thanks Clark,” Tom laughed, “you’re a real one.” 

“I fucking hate you all,” James rolled his eyes. 

“Now let’s go for the real one,” Tom had joked, probably with a death wish, but he quickly regretted it, “no, no, no, I’m joking! I’m joking!” 

“You bet your ass you’re joking,” James warned before laughing again, defeated, “I hate you both.” 

He had left with Clark laughing behind him, leaving y/n and Tom still laughing at their prank. 

Laughing and laughing until they ran out of breath and laughed again. 

“Shit, I love you so much,” Tom had said with one last breath after laughing. 

“I love you, too,” she had said, “that was the best fake sex I’ve had in my life.” 

“Hm, I’m pretty sure I’ve given you the best non fake one, too,” he had said cockily. 

“Non fake,” she scoffed. 

But then they’ve gone back to laughing, eventually somehow it transformed into kissing, and they had spent the night kissing, and giggling and nothing more, probably because they were aware that it was a very risky situation having James right beside and honestly, they were decent but mostly because they didn’t need more. Just the two of them laying down, and merging their lips together, becoming one with the other, was all they needed. 

The next day was rather perfect, filming had gone as smoothly as it could go, and though they kept their distance because they were professionals, y/n could tell there was something different about her and Tom. Not sure what but it felt like things could work out. A ray of hope, if one must say. 

There had been more cake, more people congratulating her for her birthday and just—Flowers. Sunflowers here and there, Along with blue hydrangeas. Pretty combination. Tom had made sure to fill up the place. She did love the sunflowers. Her mother calling her, auntie Eliza sending her pink carnations, it was—good. Especially after they told everyone about their prank, that made it even better. 

“You do have that fake sex aftermath glow,” Emma had joked. 

Perfect day, a perfect day until the sun was yawning down, she had put on her best clothes, and she was nervous. Not sure why though.

Tom had invited the cast as well. Nothing could go wrong, and it definitely wasn’t going to, right? Y/N had thought maybe it was a good day after all. 

The place had been packed and the first song playing had been Ironic by Alanis Morissette, James had been the first one to point it out, he really liked that song. And though the combination of friends seemed like the perfect recipe for disaster, y/n thought it had gone calmly. At least at the beginning. 

The club seemed to be picked out of y/n’s dreams, an 80’s and 70’s paradise playing the songs she loved to sing along to. There was a karaoke, too, in the background, separate from the dance floor. Honestly, the place was perfect. Fun. 

And y/n had ignored Cherry’s presence as long as she could, she hadn’t been rude, but of course she’d been avoiding her, because the moment she saw her, y/n did feel insecure. She had shown up with a tight dress that gave nothing to the imagination, and her hair perfectly falling down her shoulders, her whole body shimmered. She was beautiful, beyond compare, perfect. 

“Y/N!” She had greeted her. “I’m so glad I see you, I love your dress, hun, happy birthday!” 

Her high pitched tone had only made y/n even more insecure. And y/n had seen her dancing, she’d caught Josh’s attention, it had seemed. Even Asa’s and Gregg’s attention. Because of course she would, the girl was perfect. 

“Is Tim your boyfriend?” Cherry had asked y/n. 

“What?” Y/N didn’t know if she’d heard right. “No… No, he’s not.” 

“Oh, I thought he was!” 

“Happy birthday!” Someone had yelled as they popped off a bottle. 

Y/N could take care of Cherry later, who was actually picking out mostly everyone’s attention. 

“Who is she?” Josh had asked her. “If it weren’t for Emma, I’d say she’s the prettiest girl in the world.” 

There was a lot to unpack from Josh’ statement. 

“That’s my cousin,” she explained. “She’s single, so why don’t you give it a go?” Y/N had suggested, knowing perfectly that if he did, she’d take away another problem. Because she’d seen Harry anxious the moment Josh had showed up.  

Y/N didn’t know why she felt like Harry did know about Josh, she wasn’t sure but the same face Harry was giving Josh was the face Y/N gave to Cherry. 

Initially, she had seen Cherry approach Tom, she had whispered  something in his ear, and he had only gulped before walking off to one of his brothers. It made y/n anxious. 

“You know what? You should go and sing Jolene,” Emma suggested, y/n could tell that Emma probably was slightly dizzy, as she had dragged her, Clark and Auli’i to the dance floor, a...very strange combination. Y/N was just a bit bothered by this, since she wanted to be with Tom, or rather, she wanted to pull him away from where Cherry was. 

“Jolene?” Auli’i laughed. Felt rather weird for y/n hanging out with celebrities. Tom didn’t count… Not in that way, at least. 

“Yes, Jolene,” Emma said. “I’m begging you please don’t take my man!” 

“Your man?” Auli’i had asked. “As in Tom?” 

Y/N chuckled. “Uh...Well….er.” 

“Please, you’re dating, right?” She laughed. 

Y/N didn’t answer. 

“Please, it’s kind of obvious,” Auli’i explained. “You guys have tried to be subtle but we all know it.” 

Well, there goes their attempt at trying to be professional. It didn’t matter, honestly. But it did bother her knowing that Cherry was the only girl in there, but thankfully, her own brother had kept Cherry occupied, thank god.  

Y/N was also bothered by the fact Tom wasn’t by her side,  just slightly bothered. She guessed, however, that he was having fun with his brothers. She wondered where Timmy was, because all she could see was the guys, and Cherry, at the table getting their asses drunk. 

Especially Timmy. 

Emma had dragged them back to the place, y/n had  tried to get close to Tom, who had also tried to pull her close to him, but somehow she had been dragged away again. It was annoying, and the night kept going like that. She hadn’t had one single minute with Tom, and it was bothering her. Tom, too, it seemed. 

Tom was very bothered by the fact that y/n kept being pulled by her friends, not that they were doing it to specifically bother him, but it was… annoying. Also, having Cherry around, was not a perfect situation, especially because she was insisting on talking to him. What in this world was she trying to do? 

He didn’t want to deal with that, he only wanted to have fun. Besides, a club with loud music was definitely not the place to talk. Not on his… girlfriend’s? Birthday celebration. 

The night was getting blurry, to him, to everyone. Half past twelve, it was getting darker, and the drinks had come and gone, drink after drink.  Everyone seemed to be having a very good time, and he wasn’t sure but the lights on the club had probably lowered, flashes green and yellow were blinding him. The group was constantly divided, and he had had only a small chance to dance with y/n. The music was buzzing too loud, as he escaped through the crowds, trying to find y/n, and he saw her, dancing with everyone and then, Timmy had dragged her close to him, she didn’t even notice as she danced and sang along to the… 70’s, yeah 70’s song playing. Tom feared it, because it’s not difficult to know when someone wants to kiss the person you’re in love with. Tim was drunk, Tom knew this, and the look in his eyes was saying everything. And though he didn’t see that look on y/n, he feared it. 

Tom quickly had pulled her by the hand and finally wrapped his arms around her so they could dance. 

Tim had only rolled his eyes but kept dancing with Emma. 

“Hi!” y/n had cheered as soon as she saw Tom. 

“Hey!” 

“Where have you been?” She asked, leaning to his ear.  

“Here and there,” he admitted, she only giggled to lean over to kiss him. 

Everything was going too quickly, the lights and music were not helping. They had barely danced before Emma had dragged y/n. 

“I’m sorry, Tom, but it’s y/n’s and I turn to go to the karaoke!” Emma had said before getting her away. 

“You were getting too comfortable,” Tom had barked at Tim. 

“Pff,” Tim had scoffed. “You’re scared it’ll happen again?” 

“What?” Tom frowned. “I’m-- she’s with me.” 

“Yet she slept with me just before you arrived,” Tim had blurted. 

Tom had felt the music getting louder, and louder, just as Tim had left and Tom was sunk into the dancing crowd. 

He didn’t have to believe him… right? 

In the state of shock, he only tried to follow after where Emma and y/n were heading.The karaoke music was playing, Emma had chosen ‘Gimme, Gimme, Gimme (A Man after midnight!)’ for her and y/n to sing, and they had started, happily singing as she was so unaware of what Tom was feeling right now. Not sure if it was anger, disappointment, jealousy, or all at once. 

The group had followed after them, too, as they were expectant to see the birthday girl, first receiving a very flattering shot of… Tom thought it was probably vodka as soon as she got to the stage. Emma and her sang and yelled, and the group danced and danced. Emma being such a crowd pleaser, yelling and making them cheer. 

Tom couldn't. 

Is there a man out there? Someone to hear my prayers…

There was no sight of Tim, that was alright, he guessed. But then it… Tom’s mind went to every single time he’d seen her around Tim. It was so fucking obvious, of course they had slept together, and y/n probably still had feelings for him. 

Tom was the only one who wasn’t dancing. 

Emma had jumped off the stage to land on Josh, and then without even thinking about it, she had kissed him, right in front of Harry. 

Sam and Clark had joined y/n on the stage, everyone was just too bloody drunk, and the song seemed to be never ending. Or maybe Tom hadn’t noticed when it had changed, it sounded like another ABBA song. And it was… ‘Voulez-Vous’. Now it was Y/N, Sam and Clark. 

Tom didn’t even realize when Cherry was around him, and it probably was the alcohol working out but he danced with her. Not sure why. 

Y/N saw it, right from the stage, but luckily Clark had been kind enough to dance with her as someone else had hopped to the stage to sing with them, now that y/n was definitely not able to sing. 

And just as the song was ending, and as the next group of girls had popped on the stage,  she saw it, perfectly happening, Cherry’s lips were on Tom’s. 

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[svtwritess]

Chapter 5

ღ word count: 8.2k

ღ genres: fluff, (heavy-ish) angst, smut (there’s actually some in this chapter finally sry for the wait <3)

ღ pairing: wonwoo x female reader, mingyu x female reader

ღ college!au, vampire!au

ღ warnings: mentions of food, vampire stuff, oral (m & f recieving) 

“He came up to you?” 

“Yes!” you nearly yelled into the phone. You’d called Mingyu the second you left the grocery store. “He said he remembered me and that if I needed anything I should ask him, but it didn’t seem like he was talking about groceries.” you told him nervously as you walked home as quickly as possible. 

“If it’s not too much to ask please try not to go there alone. Or just… go to a different grocery store or something.” you could hear the frustration in his voice and even though you didn’t know why he had an issue with Jun, you felt bad that he was so worried. 

“Mingyu, is he a, you know…” you didn’t want to say the word out loud, just in case people heard you and thought you were half out of your mind. 

“A vampire?” 

“Yeah.” 

Mingyu let out a long breath. “Yeah, he is…” 

“Okay, that makes a lot more sense then. I was already planning on it, but I’ll steer clear of him, I promise.” you nodded in understanding, even though Mingyu couldn’t see you.

“Thank you.” he sighed in relief. You smiled at the fact that you were able to lift even the lightest weight off of his shoulders. 

“I’m home now so I gotta go, but I’ll see you tomorrow?” you asked as you unlocked your door. 

“For sure, with a coffee in hand.” you smiled at his response and ended the call before entering your apartment, closing and locking the door behind you. 

You placed the few bags you had on the counter and took the items you’d bought out of them. You put the food in the refrigerator and everything else in the cabinet under the sink. As you were collecting the bags to put them away, you heard Wonwoo’s door open. You closed your eyes and sighed, not exactly sure how the interaction was going to go. 

“You’re finally home,” he said, his tone difficult to read.

“Yep.” you replied, tossing the grocery bags in the pantry and beginning the walk to your room. You brushed past Wonwoo, avoiding eye contact, but he grabbed your wrist to stop you. 

“Listen, I’m sorry.” he said quietly and you nearly rolled your eyes. 

“There would be nothing to be sorry for if you had just warned me or something.” you said, annoyance in your voice as you turned to face him. 

“Well we agreed not to talk about that stuff, so I didn’t know where the line was,” he shrugged, letting go of you. 

“Think about it this way.” you crossed your arms, “Would you rather say something as vague as ‘hey I think you should try and find another place to stay tonight I’m doing something at home’ or me walk in on you having sex? Which one do you think is the better option? Honestly?” your words caused Wonwoo to let out a sigh as he rubbed his face with his hands.

“Look I made a mistake and I apologized. I’m sorry it happened, really, so why are you still upset?” he seemed tired and a little frustrated, but it almost seemed like he was more angry with himself than with you.

“Because you could do better than that girl from the coffee shop! I don’t know why you’re wasting your time.” you muttered as you pulled away from his grasp and finished the walk to your room. 

“Y/N!” Wonwoo yelled as he followed you. You went to close your door, but his hand stopped it, pulling it back open. “Do you know how annoying it is? Watching you go through guys that aren’t good enough for you?” 

“Wonwoo what are you talking about?” you slightly raised your voice as you turned to face him. 

“All the guys you had crushes on that didn’t like you back? Do you know how much it sucked hearing you complain about them so much when they weren’t even worth your time in the first place?” he explained, anger evident in his tone. “How much I hated knowing that you were fucking my best friend for half of high school? The way he would talk about you sometimes was like you weren’t even a person, I hated it. And now this Mingyu guy who made a move while you were moving in? How desperate can he be?!” he vented loudly, running his hands through his hair. He let out a frustrated breath as he looked at you expectantly, awaiting your response. 

“I-” you really didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry… I didn’t know you felt that way.” you stood there awkwardly as you looked at the floor, a pained look on your face. 

“Yeah, well, I guess it’s my fault for keeping it to myself.” he leaned against the wall by your door and looked at the ceiling. 

You further contemplated what to say. You didn’t know he had been holding so much inside of him or how he did it for so long. You never had the chance to feel that way toward him because this was basically the first time he’d been with anyone romantically and you hated it, so you couldn’t imagine how he felt. 

“Why do you think…” you started nervously, “it bothers you so much?” 

The window for him to confess was wide open now, you just wondered if he would do it.

“I think we both know the answer to that,” he looked at you, “But clearly that’s not gonna happen, so what’s the point in waiting around, right?” he said as he turned to leave your room.

“What’s not gonna happen?” you asked hurriedly, taking a step toward him. He looked back at you over his shoulder.

“This,” he motioned between the two of you, “us. I know how you feel and it’s fine, I’ll get over it.” he shrugged and finally exited your room, shutting the door behind him. 

You just stood there, face blank as you tried to process everything your best friend had just admitted to you. He had feelings for you? You weren’t particularly surprised, specifically because of everything he prefaced his confession with. How did he not snap sooner? You would’ve been miserable if you were in his position. 

You buried your face in your hands, rubbing your temples before grabbing your phone out of the bag that was still on your shoulder. You tossed your purse on the floor as you fell on your bed, tears starting to fill your eyes. You couldn’t talk to Mingyu about this, but you knew there was only one other person that you’d feel even remotely comfortable talking to about the situation. You went to your contacts and selected their name, the phone only ringing a few times before they picked up. 

“Y/N?” 

“Joshua?” you sniffled, a tear rolling down your face and onto your bed. 

“Are you okay?” he inquired, sounding concerned.

“No.” you chuckled, still barely having comprehended everything. 

“What’s going on?” he asked, his sweet voice calming you down slightly. 

“Wonwoo kind of… told me that he likes me. Did you know?” 

“Wow,” Joshua let out a breathy laugh, “I’m surprised he waited ‘till now to tell you. After we stopped hooking up I asked him if he was into you, because it seemed like he was, and he said yes.” he said casually. You sat up and ran a hand through your hair. 

“God I feel horrible,” you wiped a tear off of your cheek, “what do you think I should do?” you asked as you were truly, completely lost. 

“Well my instinct says you should just date him since he’s been into you for so long, but I know it’s not that easy. He told me you’ve been seeing this guy he doesn’t like, is that true?” 

“Yeah… it’s just weird because I really like him, but if I didn’t like Wonwoo, why would I be so upset about the fact that he’s seeing someone?” you asked him, hoping he would be able to tell you since you couldn’t seem to figure out the answer yourself. 

“Y/N, I hate to break it to you, but it’s possible to like two people at once, so you might be caught in a dilemma here.” he replied and you groaned, flopping back down on your bed. 

“Well this sucks,” you said and he laughed a little. 

“Just do whatever feels right, you have good judgement.” he told you, causing you to smile slightly. 

“Thanks, I try.”

“It’s good to hear from you, Y/N,” Joshua said genuinely, “And if things don’t work out with either of them, you know where to find me.” he joked… or at least you thought he was joking. 

“Thanks Josh. I’ll talk to you soon.” 

“Sounds good.” he said contently and you both said goodbye before ending the call. 

You laid still on your bed, completely unsure of what to do as you tossed your phone beside you. How were you supposed to live with Wonwoo without things being completely awkward? Unless you dated him, but was that what you wanted? You didn’t want to leave Mingyu by any means… Wonwoo would get over it right? He said he would and he was already starting the process; you prayed that that would be enough. 

You picked up your phone again and saw that Wonwoo had texted you. 

from: wonu

1:21pm: leaving for the night, see you tomorrow

You sighed for what felt like the 100th time that night. You didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable in his own home because of you, so you decided that you would sit down with him and talk it out tomorrow. Even if it ended with remaining just friends, you wanted to give him some form of closure. 

You got a little bit of your shit together and decided to go on one of those job finding websites, beginning your much needed search for employment. You created your account, creating a resume and providing the site with the information they required. When you were done, you searched keywords for jobs that didn’t sound completely grueling, like “bookstore” and “receptionist” and even “librarian”. Most of them required some kind of prior experience, but you submitted your resume to the ones that didn’t. The site even recommended a couple of jobs to you as well, based on what you had searched, so you applied to a few of those just for the hell of it. 

You closed the web browser and went to scroll through an app on your phone when you heard a long, very unsettling gurgling noise come from your stomach. The fact that you hadn’t eaten all day smacked you in the face and you forced yourself to get out of bed.

As you padded to the kitchen, you knew exactly what you were going to make yourself. You’d bought some noodles, pasta sauce, and parmesan cheese for the house and though it was simple, it was filling, and in your opinion, delicious. 

You played some music on your phone, dancing around a little as you waited for the noodles to cook. You stirred them every once and a while, making sure the water didn’t boil over. When they were almost done, you put some of the sauce in a bowl and heated it up in the microwave. Once the timer went off, you turned the stovetop off and removed the pot of noodles from the eye it was on. After straining them, you transferred the noodles to the same bowl as the sauce and doused everything in parmesan cheese. 

You decided to watch a movie that you knew Wonwoo would never be interested in, deciding to take advantage of the fact that he (sadly) wasn’t there. Even though you were usually okay with being by yourself, for some reason you felt quite lonely. Maybe it was because you had found someone besides Wonwoo that you actually enjoyed spending time around, and it definitely helped that that someone was extremely attractive and very interested in you. 

You didn’t want to annoy him, but you found yourself wanting to be around Mingyu more and more. You’d always just assumed that he had a life outside of you, but honestly, you weren’t so sure anymore. It wasn’t by any means a bad thing, you had far less of a life than he did, you just hoped that he wanted to spend more time together just as you did.

You picked up your phone and unlocked it, finding Mingyu’s contact and pressing the call button. 

“Why hello, miss me already?” you could hear him smirking. 

“Actually yes,” you admitted, “Can you blame me?” 

“Not at all… I was just thinking about you myself.”

“Ooooh, do I get to know what about?” you asked, smiling to yourself at his words. You loved that he was comfortable enough to admit something like that to you. 

“I’m afraid that’s gonna have to stay between me and the higher power babe,” he chuckled and you blushed at the nickname. He had never called you that before. “What’s up?” 

You hesitated for a moment. “Do you think you could come over tonight? Wonwoo’s gone for the night so I thought it would be nice, but if you’re busy…” 

“I’m helping Chan study for a test he has tomorrow, but I’ll be over as soon as we’re done. I promise.”

“See you then,” you bit your lip excitedly and ended the call. 

You thought that maybe you should, no…. well? Maybe it wasn’t that crazy of an idea. Would wearing something kind of obviously sexy be too much? What if he was more in the mood than you were and then things got awkward? Or vice versa? You knew he wouldn’t push you to do anything you didn’t want to do, but you also didn’t want to give him the wrong impression. It felt like a stupid thing to be worrying about, but admittedly you were a bit tired of just kissing, and moving to ~the next step~ was pretty nerve wracking. 

You paused the movie you were watching and walked into your room, letting out a deep breath and continuously trying to convince yourself that you weren’t being ridiculous. You opened your underwear drawer and dug to the bottom of it, fishing out the sexiest pair you had that you’d only ever worn for you and you alone. You found the bra that matched it and tossed them on your bed, removing the clothes you were wearing before putting them on. You realized the black matching set was surprisingly comfortable as you contemplated what else to wear during his visit. 

You looked through your drawers, quickly realizing that sexy loungewear wasn’t something you owned, and decided to simply wear a large t-shirt that your father had given you a few years ago because it didn’t fit him. It wasn’t particularly sexy in itself, but it sent the right message. 

You padded back into the living room and plopped back down on the couch, awaiting Mingyu’s arrival. As the movie played, you checked your email to see if any of the jobs you’d applied to had gotten back to you, but as you’d only submitted your applications a little over an hour ago, you had no responses. 

You sighed and tapped your foot impatiently against the floor, leaning your head back to rest on top of the couch. You listened to the movie with your eyes closed, nearly drifting off to sleep when finally, right as the movie ended, there was a knock at your door. 

You jumped up excitedly, a smile as your face as you ran over to the door and nearly threw it open. 

“Hi,” Mingyu said, taking in your only partially covered form. You bit your lip and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. He smiled against your lips and wrapped his arms around your waist instinctively, pressing your bodies together. 

“I missed you,” you said quietly into the kiss, gently biting down on his lower lip. He nearly growled at the action, allowing his tongue to explore your mouth as he moved his hands to grip your hips. 

“You just saw me a few hours ago,” he grunted, one of his hands moving down your body and grabbing your ass eagerly. His kisses were sloppy and his lips soft, making it impossible to focus on anything other than him. The way his tongue ran against yours went straight to your core, warmth taking over your body.

“Well you’re just as excited as I am,” you breathed out between kisses, “so what does that mean?” 

Mingyu pulled away from you and rested his forehead on yours, both of you breathing a bit heavier than normal. He smiled before pecking your lips one last time and pulling away from you. 

“I would say it means I can’t get enough of you,” he replied, pecking your forehead then prancing over to your couch. You stood there for a moment, blushing slightly and trying to comprehend his cheesy comment.

“Touché,” you smiled as you turned around. Mingyu was sitting on your couch, man spreading like no other, though you didn’t mind yet as you weren’t sitting next to him. 

“So where’d Wonwoo go?” he asked casually, fingers woven together behind his head, supporting it as he sat. You felt your heart fall into your stomach. How do I avoid this? You wondered. Should I even avoid this? 

“He, uh, just got upset with me and wanted to take a night to clear his head, that’s all…” you trailed off, avoiding eye contact as you took a spot next to him on the couch. He turned his head to look at you, eyebrows furrowed. 

“He got mad enough to leave? That must’ve been bad… do you wanna talk about it?” he offered, placing one of his hands on your thigh. You looked at him with a soft smile and shook your head. 

“Not right now, maybe another time though,” you told him and he nodded in understanding. You leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, “thank you.” 

“Anytime,” he patted your leg and pecked your lips before standing up to go to the kitchen. You reveled in the fact that you both trusted each other so much. He had his secrets and you had yours, and it made you a bit nervous, but he’d given you no reason to believe that he’d ever deceive you. 

“Are you-” you began asking him as he looked in one of your cabinets, when suddenly a very dark thought dawned on you. 

Vampires don’t eat… they drink.

“Y/N?” Mingyu’s voice shook you out of your thoughts, though your eyes were still glued to the floor and your mouth was still hanging open in sudden realization. 

“I’ve only seen you eat, what, once?” you said quietly as you looked up at him, “because you don’t need to eat...” 

He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he walked over to you. He sat down on the floor in front of you and put his hands on your knees, looking into your eyes meaningfully.

“I hate this part, everyone always reacts so differently…” he gently, though nervously, ran his hands up and down your thighs, “What do you wanna know?” His voice was soft and calm, but slightly reluctant. 

“I-I mean… you drink blood, right?” you asked hesitantly, again unable to believe that you were having such a conversation in real life. 

“Yeah.” he replied casually, causing you to look at him confusedly. 

“So do you have to… kill anyone to do it?” you twiddled your fingers.

“Well when I first turned I did, no one knows how to act the first week of being a vampire. You’re suddenly so powerful that you feel like you can do anything, so you do…” he looked at his hands, reminiscing on past choices he clearly regretted. “Draining someone is the most satisfying way to feed, but it’s messy and brutal and just… wrong, so I haven’t done it in decades.” 

“So then what do you do?” you asked. You knew you should be scared, maybe disgusted even, but it wasn’t your place to judge. You had no idea what it would be like to be in his position, the things he must’ve felt, the urges he must’ve had… it couldn’t have been easy. Besides, it was 2 centuries ago. You knew he was a different person now than he was then, so if he says he hasn’t... killed anyone in a long, long while, you believed him.

“Personally, I feed on animals. I leave them alive as often as possible,” you winced at the ‘as often as possible’ part. “It’s not very filling, but it’s the safest way to do it. Sometimes Jeonghan will feed on people, on the hook ups he brings home, but he always leaves them alive and…” he hesitated for a moment, “wipes their memory after.” your jaw was on the floor and your eyes nearly fell out of your head. 

“You can do that?!” you exclaimed. Mingyu chuckled lightly, shaking his head.

“Yeah, but it’s not that easy. You have to have the blood of the vampire who’s trying to wipe your memory in your system for it to work, so it’s usually not worth it.” he explained, and you were still completely astonished. 

“How does he-”

“It only takes a drop, so usually he’ll put it in their drink or something. I think sometimes they even do it willingly.” he told you and you looked at him in disbelief. “I don’t know what kind of people Jeonghan hooks up with.” he shrugged. 

“What about Vernon? And Chan, he just turned didn’t he? Did he feed on people?” you asked, suddenly completely immersed in the topic. 

“Chan was the same way I was when I first turned, totally insatiable. I wouldn’t let him feed on people ‘cause I knew he’d go too far, so I snuck blood out of hospitals, donation trucks, anywhere I could really. And Vernon… Well Vernon’s the lucky one. Seungkwan lets him feed off of him basically whenever he needs to, and he has great self control, so it’s really not an issue.” he explained to you, nodding as he finished. 

“Wow,” you tried to take it all in, “how come you ate with me then? That time you made ramen?” 

“Well we can eat, it just basically does nothing for us in terms of stopping us from being hungry or keeping us “alive”, so it’s mostly recreational.” he used air quotes, helping you make sense of things. Questions would not stop coming into your head.

“Wait, so… do you poop?” you asked in all seriousness, though MIngyu threw his head back with laughter. 

“Okay I think that’s enough question and answer for today,” he patted your knee and stood up, heading back into the kitchen. You pouted, genuinely unsure of how a vampire’s digestive system worked, but you decided to let it go. 

You admired Mingyu’s frame as he grabbed a glass from the cabinet in front of him, then reached over to open the freezer. 

“Did you say that Seungkwan lets Vernon… feed on him?” you inquired as a thought popped into your head. 

“Yeah, why?” Mingyu replied as he popped ice cubes out of your ice cube tray. 

“Well,” you began as you stood up, making your way over to him, “how good would you say your self control is?” 

“I don’t know,” he chuckled, “depends on the situation.” He refilled the tray and put it back in the freezer before grabbing the gallon of water you kept in the refrigerator. 

“What if I told you,” you wrapped your arms around his waist from behind as he opened the jug, “that we could try something like that if you wanted to?”

“Try something like what?” he asked as he began pouring the water.

“You… feeding on me.”

Mingyu didn’t respond. You were scared you’d offended him or something, though after a silence that was much too long, you heard water flowing over the cup, and soon it was on the floor. 

“Mingyu!” you exclaimed as you stepped backward, the cold water nearly touching your feet. You heard him mutter a few curse words under his breath before setting the jug upright and nearly lunging for the paper towels.

“Sorry, I-, shit, I’m sorry.” he stumbled on his words as he unraveled the paper towels, ripping off a large portion and cleaning up the water he’d spilt on the counter. 

“Why’d you do that?” you asked, though there was no trace of anger in your voice, just confusion. You grabbed some paper towels yourself and began wiping up the water on the floor. 

“You just… surprised me, is all.” he replied, walking past you to throw his now drenched paper towels away. After the floor was dry again, you followed suit, throwing the damp sheets away before standing next to him. He had his hands pressed to the edge of the counter and was leaning on them, his head looking down at the floor.

“I-I’m sorry if I-”

“God, no,” he stopped you, “don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything, it’s just that… no one’s ever really offered me that before.” he looked over at you, his eyes soft and full of warmth.

“With how long you’ve been alive and how hot you are? I find that hard to believe.” you said playfully, reaching over to rub small, comforting circles into his back. 

“I’m serious!” he giggled, looking back down at the ground. Your smile faded, realizing he didn’t believe your words to be true. 

“So am I,” you stepped in front of him and looked into his eyes. “I meant it, but if you don’t want to then I’m not gonna force you.” He slowly stood up straight and cupped your face with both of his hands, tilting your head so you were looking up at him.

“You trust me that much?” he asked and you nodded. “And you’re sure about this?” you nodded once more. Mingyu leaned down as if he was going to kiss you, but stopped right in front of your lips. “I think,” he pecked your lips as gently as ever, “I’m in love with you.” 

You felt your heart swell in your chest and your cheeks flare up with heat, smiling even though your face was still encompassed by Mingyu’s hands. 

“So soon?!” you asked, not even bothering to try and contain your excitement. He laughed at you, releasing you from his grip and turning to grab his cup.

“Hey, I said I think,” he smirked before taking a sip of water. Your eyes wandered to the floor, and your mind to the events that happened just moments earlier when he walked through the door. Your playful manner suddenly dissipated as you remembered how his hands felt on your body, how his lips felt against yours. 

“Then why did you stop?” you asked quietly.

“Stop what?” he looked at you, clearly confused as he set it glass back on the counter.

“You know, when you got here... and I basically threw myself at you…” you eluded, trying to get him to understand.

“Yeeeah?” he looked at you, everything you were implying going completely over his head. You rolled your eyes and scoffed. 

“I’m not dressed like this,” you motioned to your ‘outfit’, “for no reason!” 

Mingyu chuckled. “I figured that’s just what you wear around the house!” He defended himself.

“With no pants on? When I knew you were coming over?” you questioned, arms crossed. He simply nodded as if he was stating the obvious. You sighed defeatedly as you walked away from him. 

“For a man who’s been alive for over 200 years you sure can be clueless sometimes!” you yelled as you opened the door to your room, heading for your bed.

Before you knew it, Mingyu was bursting through the door frame and picking you up. He threw your back down on the bed as you laughed, bouncing up and down slightly before he climbed on top of you. 

“You think I’m clueless huh?” he asked, his tone and facial expression totally serious. Your smile instantly faded, eyes widening at his demeanor and the sudden close proximities of your bodies. You went to reply, but he spoke again. “Think I didn’t wanna rip this thing off you the second I saw you?” 

He crashed his lips to yours as he lifted your leg up so it was bent at the knee before running his hand up your thigh and tugging at the hem of your shirt. 

“Then why didn’t you?” you asked against his lips, running your hands through his hair as he caressed your side. 

“Cause I didn’t wanna be wrong,” he moved his lips down to kiss your neck, a moan escaping your lips as the warmth of his mouth encapsulated your skin, “but now I know I wasn’t.” he kissed along your jaw, his tongue swiping across your sensitive skin, sending shivers down your spine. 

You reached forward and began pulling Mingyu’s shirt up, causing him to pull away from you and take it off. He looked down at you, your shirt having ridden up to just underneath your breasts. 

“What are these?” he asked, a smug expression taking over his features as he ran his thumb along the top of your underwear. You smirked up at him, glad that your plan was working. 

“Oh, nothing,” you replied as you confidently pulled your shirt the rest of the way off. 

“Oh my god,” Mingyu groaned, throwing his head back before taking in the sight before him that he could not believe he was lucky enough to be seeing. “You’re so fucking sexy,” he said in a low voice as he returned to kissing you. He was rough and passionate, teeth nearly clashing together as he ground his hardening member against your clothed core. 

“Mingyu,” you moaned lightly as you gently pulled his face away from yours, “I wanna try something.” he nodded at your words and you pushed him off of you.

“Sit,” you directed as you motioned toward the top of your bed. He looked at you curiously, but obliged and sat with his back against your headboard. You climbed onto his lap, legs on either side of his waist. He looked at you, admiration in his eyes as he ran his hands down your sides and over your hips. 

“I like this,” he stated happily and you smiled, pulling him toward you and reconnecting your lips. Your tongue ran across his bottom lip, his hands moving down to your ass, grabbing it as he inhaled sharply. “God you’re amazing,” he breathed against your lips.. 

“We haven’t even gotten to the good part,” you said, your voice sultry as you began kissing his neck, leaving a hickey here and there. Whimpers left his mouth as you kissed him, grinding yourself down on his crotch. His hard cock rubbed against your clit perfectly, your underwear dampening. He moved his hands up and unclasped your bra with ease, tossing it on the floor. He groped your breasts with vigor, loving the feeling of your breasts in his hands. Your skin was on fire and his cool hands felt amazing against your nipples

You begrudgingly took his hands off of your breasts and began kissing down his body, your hand moving to palm him through his pants. He let out a low moan, the combination of your mouth on him and your hand palming him feeling better than he could’ve imagined. 

Once you reached the band of his underwear, you pulled his pants down his legs and tossed them aside. You placed your hands on his hips as you ran your tongue along his clothed member, placing light kisses along it as he moaned beneath you. 

“Y/N please…” he begged breathlessly, eyes closed with his head leaning against your headboard. You smiled at his desperation and slowly removed his underwear before throwing it to where his pants were. You turned back toward him and stared at his member in front of you… he was… gigantic? You swallowed your pride, though you were worried that he may be too much for you to handle.

Instead of letting your insecurity show, you licked a long, slow stripe up his shaft, a guttural moan falling from Mingyu’s lips. You swirled your tongue around his tip, collecting the precum that threatened to fall from it. He let out a shaky breath and you looked up at him. His eyelids were heavy, but his eyes were on you, his chest falling up and down in a quick rhythm. You smirked at his fucked-out state and took as much of him as you could in your mouth, nearly gagging when his tip reached the back of your throat. 

“Y/N…” he whimpered, causing you to moan as you pulled off of him. Something about Mingyu, who had such a big effect on you, being so weak at your fingertips had you dripping. “That feels so good.”

“Good, I’m glad.” you smiled as you jerked him off, using your saliva as a lubricant. You moved your head back down and took the top of his member in your mouth, continuing to move your hand up and down the bottom of it. The sounds coming from your room were absolutely filthy, but admittedly, you loved it. 

Mingyu moved one of his hands into your hair as he whined, his bottom lip nearly bleeding from how hard he was biting it. You moved your mouth off of him and he almost began to complain, but then he noticed you moving lower. As you twisted your hand up and down his member, you took one of his balls into your mouth. 

“Jesus Y/N,” he nearly yelled, back arching off of your headboard. You took your hand off of his cock and put him back in your mouth, moving your hand to his balls and massaging them gently. “Fuck I’m gonna cum,” he whispered, his words causing you to moan against him. The vibration sent a feeling of euphoria through his entire body, his seed shooting into the back of your throat as he moaned your name. 

Though it had been a while since you’d blown someone, you thought you handled yourself pretty well. You tried not to make a face as you swallowed his load. It wasn’t your favorite thing to do, but you were by no means a quitter. 

You sat up and fixed your hair, allowing yourself to catch your breath as you admired Mingyu’s figure. His eyes were closed, his arms limp at his side as he attempted to recover from the whirlwind you had just thrown him into. He looked amazing… ethereal even. 

“Was that okay?” you asked innocently as you crawled toward him. He looked at you like you had 3 heads. 

“Are you kidding me?” he questioned, but you just shrugged as you went to straddle him once more. Before you could place your hands on his shoulders, he was flipping the two of you over so that you were on your back. “You’re not gonna remember your own name when I’m done with you,” he groaned against your lips as he kissed you. He ground against you and your eyes shot open as you broke the kiss.

“Are you hard?” you asked in utter disbelief. 

“Yes,” he said impatiently, spreading your legs further apart for more access. 

“But you just-”

He sat up and looked you in the eyes knowingly, “Vampire thing.”

“Oooooh…” you nodded as he returned his attention to your lips, the information you’d just learned arousing you even further. 

His lips were soft against yours, which was a great contrast to the way he kissed you. Your tongue swiped his, messily getting lost in each other’s tastes. You ran your hands through his hair and tugged on it lightly, making him moan quietly into your mouth. 

His lips moved to your neck, teeth lightly grazing across your skin every now and then. You wondered if he would bite you, as you’d given him permission, but his lips merely trailed down to your chest instead. His hand caressed your thigh as he kissed the expanse of your breasts, seemingly covering every inch of skin with kisses. Though, being the tease he is, he kissed around your nipples that were hardened with arousal, which was exactly where you wanted his mouth in that moment. He looked up at you with a smirk, knowing exactly what he was doing. 

He took his time kissing his way down your stomach. He gently ran his hand up and down your side, often whispering sweet nothings against your skin. The pace of your breathing quickened as he moved further down your body, letting out a whimper as he licked up your navel toward your belly button. He hooked his pointer finger around the waistband of your underwear, pulling them off of you in the blink of an eye.

Mingyu brought both of his hands to your knees and spread them as far as they would go. You became slightly self-conscious as he did and said nothing, he simply stared at your dripping core. Before you knew it, he was lunging toward your center, his tongue attacking your clit as if he’d been starved of your taste for days. 

He took turns licking long stripes up your folds and taking your clit in his mouth, sucking and toying with it with his tongue. The noises you were making were uncontrollable at that point, a loud moan falling from your lips when one of his fingers entered you.

“Mingyu…” you whined, your hand making your way to his hair. 

“You’re so beautiful Y/N,” he groaned against your core, “So beautiful....” 

Your cheeks flushed even more at his words. They were cheesy, but they rubbed you in exactly the right way. 

He sucked on your clit as his fingers curled inside you, eyes rolling into the back of your head as your back arched off your bed. The obscene noises you were making went straight to Mingyu’s crotch, causing him to rut his hips against the bed as he ate you out. 

He added a second finger inside of you and removed his lips from your center, causing you to whine in disapproval. He began kissing the inside of your thighs, biting down on the skin occasionally and replaced the feeling of his tongue with his finger, putting pressure on your clit as he rubbed you toward your climax. 

“Oh my god, more, please,” you begged, your other hand running through your own hair as your orgasm built up inside of you. Your breathing stuttered when he returned his tongue to your clit, moving it in a similar fashion as he did his thumb and the sensation was one you’d never felt before. A chill ran down your spine when the coil in your stomach snapped, your climax tearing through you with immense force as the combination of how good his tongue and fingers felt finally hit you. 

Your back arched off the bed once more, feral noises coming from your throat mixed with the sound of his name falling off your lips was like music to Mingyu’s ears. He didn’t stop his movements until your grip on his hair loosened and you were whining for him to stop.

He sat back on his heels before licking his lips and sucking his fingers clean. He smirked down at you, crawling back on top of your fucked-out form and pecking your lips lightly. The way you looked in that moment, a light sheen of sweat covering your forehead along with your eyelids that threatened to fall shut, made Mingyu’s heart swell. 

“I think I’ve changed my mind,” he said as he lovingly moved some stray hairs away from your face. 

“Yeah? About what?” you asked as you admired his now messy features, reveling in his touch. 

“I’m definitely in love with you.” 

For some reason your body had woken you up almost an hour before you needed to be awake, but you supposed there was no harm in that. You woke up against Mingyu’s bare chest, a light snore falling from his lips, along with a wee bit of drool. You thought it was more endearing than anything else as you stared at him, nothing but admiration in your eyes and a warm feeling in your heart. 

He was in love with you? So soon? Your mind didn’t want to believe it, but your heart couldn’t help falling for his words. Even if he didn’t mean it, even if it was premature, it felt right. It didn’t scare you. It didn’t make your heart feel like retreating even further into your body and convincing you to run away. You wanted his words to be genuine, and similarly, you wanted to be able to say it back to him just as truthfully someday soon. You knew it wouldn’t take you long to fully fall for him, there was just one thing you needed to take care of first. 

Wonwoo. The only reason you were able to sleep the previous night was because of how worn out Mingyu had made you, and you were grateful for that. You became increasingly anxious as you waited for your best friend to come home, not wanting to talk about the situation, but recognizing that you desperately needed to. 

You slowly slid your bare body out of your bed, careful not to wake Mingyu. You walked over to pick up your discarded clothes from last night, slipping the shirt you were wearing then back over your head. You were feeling cold, so you walked over to your dresser and pulled out a pair of pajama pants, slipping those on as well. 

You heard your front door open and you stood up straight, panic rushing through your body. Your eyes were wide as you weren’t expecting Wonwoo to be home so soon and before that moment you thought you might actually have some time to prepare what you wanted to say to him. Though your mind was telling you to cover Mingyu with blankets and pillows so he couldn’t be seen and stay in your room and be as silent as possible, your feet completely disregarded your thoughts as you began walking toward your bedroom door. You opened it and began walking toward your best friend who was now in the kitchen. You reached his back that was facing you and hesitated.

“Wonwoo?” you said quietly, reaching up and placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. He shrugged it off. “Do you think we could talk? Please?” you kept your voice quiet, gentle. He turned around slowly until he was facing you. 

“There’s nothing to talk about, Y/N.” he shook his head and shrugged his broad shoulders. You looked at him, loads of sympathy in your eyes. 

“Yes there is. I’m not okay with things being so awkward between us and I know you aren’t either.” you replied, trying to maintain eye contact, but he kept his eyes on the floor. 

“And how are we supposed to make things not awkward?” he asked, arms crossed as he mindlessly swiped his sock-covered foot across the tile floor. 

“Listen, if I had known you liked me before I met Mingyu, he wouldn’t even be in the picture right now. I never really admitted it, but I’ve always liked you too. Even now I’m not totally sure how I feel, I just know that I’m with Mingyu now and I really, really like him and you’re with someone else now too, so I think we should both just keep doing what we’re doing,” you let out a deep breath, Wonwoo finally looking into your eyes. “I know it’s not that easy, but… just try and focus on moving on. I’ll give you the space and time you need, I don’t want you feeling uncomfortable here, and I don’t wanna stop being friends.” you explained as calmly as you could, you didn’t want to get too emotional in fear of what you might say.

“Friends?” Wonwoo asked, disbelief in his voice. You were suddenly worrying again, wondering if you’d said something wrong. You went to defend yourself, but he spoke before you. “I thought we were best friends?” a smile creeped onto Wonwoo’s face and you rolled your eyes.

“You scared me!” you swatted his arm, barely taking note of the fact that he was pulling you into a hug, a light chuckle leaving his lips. You’d missed his laugh. 

“I’m sorry,” he hugged you tightly, “we just never got the timing right, that’s all.” he rubbed your back and you nodded against his toned chest.

“If something’s meant to happen, it will.” was all you could think to reply. You believed it, you really did, and if it was fated that the two of you end up together, you knew it would happen somehow.

You stayed in the comfort of his arms for a little bit before pulling away. You looked up into his eyes and the moment you did you knew you shouldn’t have. You got lost in his soft, cat-like orbs before admiring his nose that came to a perfect point. You moved to his lips, and when you had stared at them for far longer than was acceptable, you heard footsteps behind you.

You panicked, immediately pushing Wonwoo away and attempting to collect yourself before turning around. Mingyu was just standing there, fully dressed with a look on his face that was an uneasy combination of disappointment and insecurity. Your face fell upon seeing him. How much had he heard? 

Wonwoo looked between the two of you, but he said nothing. He merely walked to his room as quickly as he could, avoiding Mingyu’s eyes along the way. When you heard Wonwoo’s bedroom door shut, you bolted toward Mingyu and prepared to explain yourself.

“Mingyu-”

“Why…” he sighed, interrupting you, “Why did he leave yesterday?” his voice broke a little as he spoke, your heart along with it.

“He just-” you so badly wanted to keep things vague, make excuses even, but you knew the truth would come out at some point, and he deserved to know anyway. You ran your hands through your hair frustratedly. “He told me that he has feelings for me.” you admitted defeatedly. Mingyu let out a breathy laugh of disbelief, his expression quickly turning sour again.  

“Did you mean it?” he asked quietly, seriously. He was looking right at you, all of his emotions on display. 

“Mean what?” 

“What you said… about me.” his jaw clenched. 

“That… that I like you?” 

“No,” his annoyance finally got the best of him, “When you said that I wouldn’t even be in the picture right now if you had known Wonwoo liked you before you met me. Did you mean that?” his voice was harsh as he took a step closer to you. You knew he wouldn’t hurt you, but it was the first time you’d ever felt scared of him. You knew in that moment you could either lift his spirits or crush them, but in order to be truthful, you could only do the latter. 

“I-” you let out a sigh, closing your eyes. “Yes, but trust me-”

“That’s all I needed to hear.” he cut you off and headed toward the door.

“Mingyu please-” you followed him, but before you could finish your thought, the door was slamming in your face, Mingyu on the other side of it. 

You leaned your forehead against the door, tears swelling in your eyes. You couldn’t believe you’d been so careless with your words when Mingyu was just in the other room. The worst part was that you knew you meant them, but you still wouldn’t trade what you had with him for anything… or anyone. If something is meant to happen it will, your mind repeated, and you ended up with Mingyu; you knew it was no coincidence. 

You felt your heart nearly tear in half when you remembered he’d told you he was in love with you less than 12 hours ago. Warm tears began falling from your eyes, streaming down your cheeks as you ran into your room, slamming the door behind you. 

You couldn’t manage going any further. You leaned against the back of your door, your face in your hands as you cried. You couldn’t imagine how horrible he must’ve felt, hearing you say out loud that you would’ve completely disregarded him if only another man had gotten to you before him. You never thought you would hurt him, and by no means did you ever want to.

As you wiped the salty droplets caused by nothing but your own stupidity off of your cheeks, you saw your phone screen light up and begin to vibrate from its place on the floor. You walked over to it and picked it up, seeing that it was your mother calling. You texted your parents frequently, but your face scrunched in confusion as you rarely ever called each other. You attempted to pull yourself together, drying your tears once more as you answered the call, putting the phone up to your ear. 

“Mom?” 

“Y/N? Sweetie are you okay? Are you hurt?” she asked frantically, seemingly through tears.

“What? Mom, I’m fine. What’s going on?” 

“We were robbed last night.”

a/n: ..hehe :D

#mingyu #wonwoo #minwon #meanie #caratwritersclub #mingyu imagine #mingyu fic #mingyu scenario #mingyu fluff #mingyu smut #mingyu angst #wonwoo fluff #wonwoo smut #wonwoo angst #seventeen imagine #seventeen imagines #seventeen fic #seventeen scenario #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fluff #seventeen smut #seventeen angst

[myhockeyworld87]

Bubble Wrapped - Part 7

Word Count: 4,131

POV: Reader

Warnings: Same as always, Language, Smut, NSFW, Please see the note in the Masterlist

Teams: Bruins, Caps, Flyers, Lightning and Pens (others)

Notes: So today was like crazy busy, but I was able to finish this tonight then do a quick edit. I’m not sure how I feel about it, but here it is anyhow...haha! Hope you guys have a great weekend! Happy Reading!

As you followed Logan to the lobby, you thought for sure this was going to be another false alarm, just as the rest had been. Why after all this time in the bubble had these men decided to fight, you had no idea? You knew tensions were high with games starting but they all had seemed fairly cordial with each other. There were about a dozen players gathered round when you saw the first fist fly and suddenly your heart rate sped up. You wormed your way to the front, to see who the hell was fighting. You weren't surprised to see Brad Marchand mixing it up with one of the Flyers but you couldn't quite tell who it was as their back was to you.

 The two teams had just come off a round-robin game, that you had no clue as to who won as you'd been busy working the entire time and not caught any of the game, but it obviously left a bad taste in their mouths. As Marchand swung with his right hand, the two twisted and it was then that you saw Travis Konecny was the one he was fighting with. While you knew that TK was a bit of a chirper, you'd seen a completely different side to him that first night in the bubble. You'd honestly thought he'd be the least of your worries here, other than maybe calling you up again to say his bed squeaked, yet here you were watching him take a jab at Marchand. Not that Marchand probably didn't deserve it, hell you wanted to take a swing at him the other day when he'd shoved you into the pool.

 You looked around at the other players that had gathered hoping one of them would put an end to this whole mess, but they seemed more entertained than anything. Part of you wondered if this went on would more of them end up fighting? TK had a nice right hook into Marchand's jaw and you saw them stumble back knocking a vase of flowers off the entry table and shattering it. That's when you knew you had to do something. "That's enough boys," you yelled trying to use your most authoritative voice, but it was ignored as Marchand threw a punch to Konecny's abdomen. At some point, you were sure this was going to turn into a wrestling match with the two of them lying on the ground amidst shards of glass. You gave a sharp whistle hoping that you sounded like one of the refs during play and that they would at least calm a bit, which they did. It was at that moment you chose to try and break the actual fight up, apparently feeling more like a referee now that you'd got them to just circle each other, neither one letting go just yet.  Taking your arms, you moved between the two hotheads saying, "I said stop fucking fighting in my…" You weren't exactly sure what happened next but you felt a partial fist fly to your jaw. It knocked you off your feet and sent you stumbling back hitting your head against the table the vase had been on moments ago.

 "Holy fuck!" Someone yelled. You closed your eyes to stave off the pain that was now not only in your jaw but also on the back of your head. "Jesus, are you ok?"

 "I don't think she is."

 "She's bleeding."

 You had no clue who was saying what but you could feel a million pairs of eyes on you. "Someone call one of the trainers."

 "I'm fine," you managed to mumble out while opening your eyes, only to have your vision blurred by blood trickling down. "Ok, maybe not." About five players were kneeling down around you, or maybe it was four, it was hard to tell as the blood obscured your view. Finally, someone gently pressed something against your forehead to stave off the flow.

 "Fuck (Y/N), I'm so sorry, you got messed up in this." It was Travis's voice you were sure of it and not because you knew Marchand would never apologize but because you recognized it from your night with him. Only he wasn't surrounding you at the moment.

 "Next time keep it on the ice and not in my hotel." You went to sit up but felt a little woozy. A strong arm clamped around your waist. It was the same person who was holding, what you now believed to be said person's shirt, against your head.

 "I think we need to get you somewhere else then this lobby." The voice was smooth and rich, and pleasing to listen to, yet every time you tried to see who it belonged the damn t-shirt was in your way.

 "You can take her to her suite." This voice you knew, for you'd been plotting to strangle him so many times over the last several days, it was hard to forget.

 "Thanks, Logan, I was just going to say that."

 "Here hold this and I'll carry you." In one easy swoop, strong arms scooped you up, and then he was standing with you in his arms. He was shirtless and you could feel his muscles bunch as he held you. Vaguely you realized where his shirt was at, as you held it to your head.

 "Logan, can you clean this up, please? And have Carly get new flowers in here." You saw him scurry away out of the corner of your left eye.

 "I'm sure there's someone in charge here that can take care of that." The man who was now carrying you off to the elevator said.

 "Yeah, that's me," you told him catching a glimpse of soft brown curls as you again tried to get a good look at his face.

 "Oh, I didn't realize." Which seemed funny considering how everyone at the hotel seemed to know who you were.  "What floor?"

 "Penthouse."

 "Well, I guess you are in charge then." He laughed and you found yourself joining in, even though your head hurt a bit. The ride on the elevator was short and soon you were in your room and he was setting you down on the sofa. "I'll grab you some ice if you steer me in the right direction."

 "Kitchen is down the hall on the left." He turned and you got a view of his well-defined ass as he walked away. God, even the muscles on his back were sexy. You heard him rummage around a bit and you wondered how bad you actually looked. You were too far away from the hallway mirror to find out, but you imagined you had blood in your hair from the cut; you just hoped your jaw wasn't sporting a nice bruise. It was then, that he walked out of the kitchen and you were finally face to...well somewhat face to face, with your rescuer, Josh Anderson. It was no wonder that he didn't know you, as he wasn't currently staying at your hotel. "Now, let's see that pretty face of yours," he said while cupping the good side of your jaw. "I don't think it'll bruise too bad. Didn't look like Marchy got you full force with that hit." Josh gingerly put the ice to the spot that had been hit.

 "I should've figured it was Marchand that hit me. He's had it out for me since he got here."

 "Marchy has it out for everyone, but I can't see why he would pick on someone as beautiful as you." The compliment caused you to blush, but thankfully between Josh's shirt and the ice, you didn't think he'd notice.

 "Not sure what I ever did to him, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me."

 "Well, his loss is my gain." It was Josh who was blushing a bit at his own words this time and you found it very attractive. "Now, let's have a look at that cut and see if it needs stitches." He brought his shirt down and examined your head. His lips just a hair's breadth away from yours making you ache to kiss him. "I think you'll be good with just some butterfly ones. It doesn't look that deep, though I can call our trainer and have him come over and double-check."

 "No that's ok. I'm sure your right. I have some upstairs." You went to get up and he placed a supporting arm around your waist.

 "Here why don't you just let me…" Before you could even take a step, he scooped you back up into his arms and started up the stairs, taking them two at a time. He made it seem like carrying you around was nothing, and honestly, it was sexy as hell. He set you down at the vanity stool in the bathroom. "Ok, so where are bandages?"

 "Top shelf there is a medical kit with some in." He grabbed it, shuffling through it to find what he needed. "This might sting a bit," he told you as he opened up an alcohol swab to clean the cut first. You winced as he gently stroked it over the wound. When he stepped back, you finally looked in the mirror at yourself.

 "Oh my god," the words were out of your mouth before you realized how they startled Josh.

 "Are you ok? Did I hurt you more?"

 "No, it's not that. I was just looking at my face…or maybe my hair." Dried blood covered half of your face and your hair was matted and tangled like a stray dog's. "I look like I walked out of the set of a horror movie."

 He laughed, brushing your hair back before placing the steri strip on your forehead. "It's not that bad."

 "I seriously need a shower."

 "Oh…uh…" Josh fumbled around with his words, looking very uncomfortable and you sort of chuckled to yourself. "I can leave you alone then…probably should be going anyway."

 "You don't have to," you mentioned casually, though you weren't sure that he would take you up on your silent offer with the way you looked at the moment. "I mean, I'm still a little unsteady on my feet." There wasn't a whole lot you knew about Josh Anderson but what you did know of him, was that he was the protector type; so you tried to play to that sensibility of his.

 "Well, I wouldn't want you to fall in the shower and get hurt worse." There was a cute little smirk on his face and if you weren't doused in blood you would've kissed him. Instead, you stripped off your top, yet another piece of clothing ruined, you thought vaguely. Your skirt and shoes followed till you were left in nothing but your bra and panties. Josh made quick work of getting rid of his shorts and stood there in front of you in his boxer briefs. Reaching around you unclasp your bra, letting it fall off your shoulders and to the ground, before gliding your panties down your legs. Josh bit his lip as he drank in the sight of your body; his eyes lingered a bit long at your breasts before moving down to look at your pussy. Even though he still had his boxers on, you saw his cock twitch as he took you in. You let him drink his fill and when he didn't make a move, you stepped into the shower hoping that he would follow. He did within seconds.

 The water sprayed over your head diluting the blood that had been matted to your hair and skin. When you went to grab the shampoo, Josh's hand stopped you. "Let me." He put some in his hands, then started to massage it into your scalp. His fingers were gentle and he avoided your cut as best he could, sliding through your hair all the way down to the ends. When he was done, he had you rinse then followed up with conditioner. It was only as that rinsed out of your long strands that you finally turned to face him. Droplets of water coated his body, and there was a heated stare in his gaze. Josh was tall, so you went up on your toes so that you could kiss him. His arms immediately went to your waist to press you to him. Maybe it was his caring nature or the way that he'd just simply swooped in to take care of you, but your body just completely melted into him and you moaned into him as his tongue caressed yours. Josh was a sensual kisser; his mouth and tongue just working its magic on you as he ignited a flame deep within.

 His hands roamed around your back only to slide up your sides and move to your breast. Breaking the kiss, his lips traveled southward along your neck and collarbone until he was cupping a breast and bringing it to his lips. His tongue swirled around your nipple before he took it in his mouth and sucked on it. You felt yourself grow damp though it wasn't from the water cascading down on the two of you. Josh lavished each of your breasts, and with every tweak and caress you moaned out his name. When his fingers skated down past your stomach to slip between your folds, you thought you would die from the pleasure he was giving you. It was nothing like the other night with Tom. Josh knew exactly what he was doing. Listening as you moaned out what you liked, so he could repeat the action again. "I want to taste you so bad," he whispered, before dropping to his knees. You backed up against the shower wall, and he lifted one of your legs over his shoulder. His tongue slipped out to lick a strip between your folds, and you found your hands threading into his hair to urge him on. They were small little licks at first before he actually sunk his tongue deep in your pussy. You tossed your head back forgetting about your injury, but not caring when he repeated the action. His nose nudged your clit as he licked at you furiously. Your hips started to buck and one strong arm, held you upright and secure against the wall, as his mouth suctioned on to your clit.

 "Yes Josh, fuck that feels so good." You panted out, as your hand locked around the back of his head. He slid two fingers into your pussy easily, pumping them in and out, while he continued his torturous treatment on your clit. Your orgasm hit as he made that simple come-hither movement with his fingers. Your legs shaking, body writhing as the pleasure overtook you. He dropped your leg back down when you finally came down from your high. Moving gracefully off the bathroom tile, Josh stood up and kissed you. Your essence still lingering there on his lips, as his cock pressed hard against your stomach.

 Reaching down you clasp your hand around the length of him; twisting your hand as you stroked him, in a way that had him hissing out his pleasure. "Fuck (Y/N), I just need to be in you." He moaned out. "It's been way too long." He drew your leg up again to wrap around his waist this time, allowing him easier access to the place he longed to be. His cock nudged between your folds, the head just inside you. Josh was thick and as he slowly slipped inside you; you could feel your pussy stretch to accommodate him. "Damn you're tight." You weren't sure if that was the case or if he was just so big, but you knew he felt delicious as he bottomed out. He took a minute, just looking you in the eyes as he stayed buried deep inside you.

 In the next second, his lips were on yours and he started to move. His tongue mimicking what his cock was doing, as he thrust in and out of you. You were simply two bodies sliding together as the water pelted down on you. Josh pinned you to the shower wall again, his strong arms biting into your waist and you thought you'd have bruises there but you knew he was also keeping you from falling down to the tiles. You looped your arms around his shoulders, so your hips could meet each of his thrusts. The water caused your leg to slip off his hip. "Josh…" you panted out.

 "I know," he hissed and he was pulling out of you so that you both could be more comfortable. He twisted your body so that your back rested against his chest for a moment before, bending you down. You spread your legs wide giving him greater access to your cunt so he could glide back in. Using the bench seat, you placed your hands there to hold on as Josh grabbed ahold of your hips before thrusting back in. Moans echoed off the bathroom walls as your bodies slammed together. "Fuck, yeah baby," Josh groaned as you pushed your ass back against him.

 His hand on your hip, snaked down so his finger could rub circles around your clit. "Yes…Josh…yes." He had you teetering on the edge in no time. It was when his other hand drew you halfway up and his lips bit down on your neck that you completely lost it, cuming with a loud moan. Your legs shook and felt like they would give out but Josh held you close still pumping in and out of you as you came down from your high. He pounded in and out of you a few more times, before thrusting even deeper into you and spilling himself inside your pussy. A guttural moan left his mouth and his fingers dug deep into your hips holding you still as he came.

 He stayed inside you for a minute as he said, "Damn, I needed that." Dropping kisses on your shoulder, he slowly pulled out. "Thank you," he said softly, turning you around so he could once again capture your lips in a sweet kiss. "We should probably finish up." You knew he was right, though you were out of energy after two orgasms. Josh must have sensed this for he grabbed your loofah and the shower gel, and started to wash your body. His touch was gentle and he added more soap to his hands, abandoning the sponge as he washed your breasts and pussy. You couldn't help the moan that left your mouth as he touched you; your body still sensitive. "God, you are so sexy. I could…" He didn't finish the sentence.

 "You could what?"

 "You've already given me enough. Especially with this," his hand brushed the water off your forehead where your cut was. You'd completely forgotten about it. Your eyes dropped down to his cock, where you could see it coming back to life.

 "I'm fine Josh," you told him, looking him in the eye. "Though maybe we should get out of this shower."

 He chuckled lightly. "Agreed."

 He went to turn off the water and you stopped him. "Let me at least wash you a bit first." Josh eyed you funny considering he really wasn't the one that needed to shower. "Humor me." He shrugged and you grabbed the soap. The feel of his hard muscles under your soapy hands, made you tingle all over again. By the time you reached his cock, it was back to being erect. The suds made it easy to work your hand up and down the length. This time it was Josh that was moaning as you pumped him up and down.

 "Babe," his voice warned, as he gripped your wrist and you knew it was time to rinse off and continue this out from under the water. He grabbed a towel, wrapping it around his waist before taking another so that he could dry you off. His fingers were swift yet gentle as he made quick work of drying you, then did the same for himself. The two of you shared more soft kisses as you headed to the bedroom for round two, which was just as magical as it was in the shower. "I should probably head back to my hotel before I'm missed," Josh finally said as the two of you laid in bed.

 You hummed your agreement. "I forgot for a little bit that you're not staying here."

 "Well hopefully we'll get to move over here soon and maybe we could continue this." The idea of spending more time with Josh was definitely appealing and something that could be happening soon.

 "I'd like that," you told him as he kissed your lips one more time before crawling out of bed. "I'll walk you down."

 "You don't have to, but you should get some ice on that jaw." He tipped your head to the side and winced. "It's starting to bruise a bit."

 "Ugh, at least it doesn't hurt."

 "You're one tough cookie." He pulled on his boxers and shorts, while you grabbed a robe. "You know I'm not opposed to beating the shit out of Marchand for you."

 "Don't bother, he's not worth you getting into trouble."

 "Well, I'm sure he'll get his somehow," he gave you a little wink and you wondered what he was planning with that statement. "So this was fun…well except that part." He gently touched your bandaged head before kissing you. "See you soon?"

 "I sure hope so." With one last kiss, he left you alone, and you went to grab the ice he talked about earlier. Now that you were done having your fun with Josh, you realized your jaw did hurt a bit, but a couple of aspirin would help. You headed back upstairs to grab the meds, then laid back down on the bed, texting Carly to make sure everything was fine, which it was and she told you to take it easy.

 You were half asleep when your phone rang; a FaceTime call from Tyler popping up on the screen. "Hey Ty," you answered sleepily.

 "Hey…omg what happened to you?"

 In your half-asleep state, you'd forgotten about the bruise and cut on your face. "I stupidly tried to break up a fight. It didn't go well."

 "Jesus babe, are those stitches?" There was concerned laced in Tyler's voice, as well as a worried look on his face.

 "No just butterflies. I'm fine." The look he gave you said he thought you were lying. "I swear it's not that bad."

 "Who the hell was fighting? Better yet, who do I have to kill?" You winced, not really wanting to tell him. "(Y/N), I swear to god if you don't tell me…"

 You weren't sure what he was going to do if you didn't tell him, but there was also no point in hiding the truth. "It was TK and Marchand, though apparently, it was Marchy's fist that caught me."

 "That fucking son of bitch." His face was getting red with anger. "I'm gonna kill him."

 "Easy tiger," you tried to tease but you could tell he wasn't having any of it. He started to pace around the room. "What are you doing?"

 "Packing. I told you I'm going to beat the shit out of him."

 "Tyler, you're not a fighter." He finally stopped at your words.

 "I'll still beat him to within an inch of his life."

 "Oh, stop. I'm fine. And you're not coming here. You're in the damn bubble and not going anywhere on my behalf." Tyler had a tendency to overreact at times and this was one of them, though you'd never seen him this angry before. "With a little makeup, you won't even see it."

 "You can't stop me from calling him and bitching him out."

 "Well, if it gets him to settle down in my hotel, I'll gladly take the help." It would be nice not having to worry about being thrown in the pool again or him starting up fights with another player. "But enough about that, tell me about your day?" The two of you chatted for over an hour, Tyler never once hinting about anything sexual happening, which surprised you a bit. It was nice though just talking about everything and anything with him. You always had this easy banter with him, but this just felt different. "Hey, I have another call coming in. Can I call you later?"

 "You can call me anytime babe. Feel better." He kissed you over the phone and you did the same for him before hanging up.

 You didn't recognize the number, but said hello anyhow only to be met with, "Hey (Y/N), I need your help?"

#bubble wrapped series #nhl imagines #nhl imagine #nhl fanfic #nhl smut #hockey imagines #hockey fanfiction #hockey imagine #hockey smut #Pittsburgh Penguins fanfiction #Pittsburgh Penguins imagine #Pittsburgh Penguins imagines #Washington Capitals imagine #Washington Capitals imagines #Boston Bruins Imagine #Boston Bruins Imagines #Tampa Bay Lightning imagine #Tampa Bay Lightning imagines #Philadephia Flyers imagine #Philadephia Flyers imagines #Tyler seguin #tyler seguin imagine #tyler seguin imagines #Josh Anderson #josh anderson imagine #Josh Anderson Imagines #josh anderson smut

[teenage-mutant-ninja-freak]

Lividity

Mob boss! Donatello x fem! reader

Summary: After a long night drinking you get approached by a shifty stranger who asks you if you want any work doing things below the law. It’s only after you agree that you realise exactly what you signed up for. You are captured by the turtles and tortured by Donatello himself for information.

Warnings: torture (graphic), NSFW, Stockholm syndrome, alcohol mention, mentions of murder, blood, gore

((A/N I’ve never written anything like this before so it’s a first for me. Just another warning, if you don’t like blood and gore, don’t read this))

It was a Friday night in up town New York and you were sat drinking and bitching to the bar tender at your local place- The Crown and Thistle. It was a smoking bar so a heavy fog hung above the heads of those who were reveling and dancing, simply celebrating life in that dimly lit bar. You couldn’t, however. Your last 30 bucks had been spent on the 5 beers sitting before you and you had to admit that you were beginning to feel it, your head felt like it was doing somersaults without your body’s permission and you could tell you were swaying side to side.

“It’s not fucking easy to keep a job, you know what I mean, Jack?”

“It’s Josh” the bartender curtly replied  

“Whatever. I just mean, if I wanted some 9-to-5 bullshit that just further stuffs me into this capitalist system that only values me for my labour and doesn’t even want to give me a fair wage, I would go and work for my father but, that’s no life!”

Your conversation had picked up the attention of the man sitting next to you, he leaned in a little to catch what you were saying better.

“And I’m not a 9-to-5 kinda gal’, you feel me?” you slur to Josh who had long since stopped listening

The man at your side places a tequila shot in front of you, he had messy black hair and was wearing an expensive looking leather jacket with studs on the shoulders. He looked like he meant business.

“So, you’re looking for work I hear”

“What’s it to you?” you hiccup

He smiles at you making eye contact and gestured for you to take the shot sat before you.

“Let’s just say I know something that pays well and shouldn’t be too hard for a pretty girl like yourself. I get the feeling that a girl like you must be good at getting into places she’s not supposed to be”

With that, he explained his proposal; you were to seduce the Turtle boys who were a infamous mob family in upper New York, considered some of the most suave and dangerous men in the city, and retrieve whatever information you could back to him. He never gave you a name, only a time and location to meet as well as your first half of 3 grand. ‘Easy money’ you thought

Their house was disgustingly exquisite, they had a courtyard, rose thickets lining the driveway, as many cars as you could count, 3 swimming pools, hand crafted Venetian statues who’s eyes seemed to follow you around. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to go renegade and decide to break in instead of following the creepy guy at the bar’s advice, but you were no whore and you weren’t going to let him pimp you out to 4 turtles just for some information. You would find it your own way. Besides, you resented them. Crime only ever got you a night in a cell or flirting with a cop to get out of it, for them it was a lavish lifestyle. Of course, the turtles weren’t criminals in the eyes of the law, no, to the cops these boys just ran a luxurious hotel empire which supplied them with riches beyond anyone’s imagination. What was going on behind the scenes was another story, however. Guns, drugs, women... You name it and they sold it to every gang member in New York.

You got down on all fours and crawled along the side of the house when you saw a light on in one of the rooms and kept crawling until you found and open window.

“Idiots” you muttered to yourself

shimmying your hips and climbing through the window you land surprisingly delicately for someone as drunk as you are on the other side in what appears to be an office. There were filing cabinets and a desk with 3 computer screens and a monitor on it. You began your work, rifling through the drawers and files to find anything that looked like it could be useful. The room smelt of cigar smoke and Gucci men’s cologne which was a shockingly manly and desirable scent. With no luck finding a paper trail you decided to try your luck at the computer. You weren’t a stranger to hacking and so you figured this couldn’t be too difficult if they were dumb enough to leave a window open it’s hardly like they would encrypt their technology, right?

That’s when you heard it, footsteps coming down the hall quietly but fast. Someone obviously didn’t want you to catch on that they knew you were there. You hid behind the desk and covered your mouth with your hand to steady your breathing, maybe if you just stayed still they would walk in and go away. The door flung open and you could hear footsteps walk slowly over to the desk where you were hidden. ‘Shit’ you thought. A dry laugh echoed through the room before, in a flash, you were pulled off your feet by your hair and were hanging in mid air, face to face with Michelangelo. He was grinning at you, the sick bastard.

“Found ya’“ he mocked.

He dragged you out of the room by your hair, kicking and screaming the entire time he pulled you through the halls of their vast mansion until he reached the living room where his brothers sat around drinking and smoking.

“I found a new toy, Donnie!” he practically trilled.

The one in purple didn’t look too impressed, he just kind of stared through you with a blank expression that was hard to pinpoint what was going on behind those eyes.

“It’s a shame, she’s pretty” he finally said

“For now” Mikey corrected.

And that was how you ended up here, tied to a wooden x that was nailed up to the wall, half naked and bleeding at the mercy of the one and only Donatello mutant turtle.

You try and thrash your arms as he ties you down, there’s no way he’s getting you without a fight but it’s no use, the bonds are fixed around each of your limbs and you are well and truly stuck.

“There’s no use struggling” He states blankly “these are Tautline Hitch knots, the more you pull, the tighter they get.”

Great, so now you were getting a lesson from a boy scout as well, who the fuck knows about knots? You pull at them anyway but he’s right, they simply get tighter and the rope stings your delicate flesh turning it a burning red colour from its roughness. You make a sound of discomfort and Donatello simply looks right through you.

He turns his back, for a moment, to sort out some things on a table that’s in the corner of the room. You take this time to get a good look around. The floor and walls are all lined with plastic white tarps and certain chains dangle miscellaneously from the ceiling. ‘You’re fucked. This is a torture room and Dexter over there is going to fuck you up 5 ways from Sunday’ you think to yourself.  Some more clanging comes from the corner as he pulls a meat cleaver out of the bag and places it on the plastic wrapped table. You gulp. 

You watch the muscles on his back as he lifts heavy chains from another bag and places them on the floor next to him, he’s quite the specimen. Tall, around 6′7 and he’s lean but muscular as all hell. His shirt can barely contain his biceps and his thighs are just to die for. ‘You can’t can’t be thinking about this now’ you snap yourself out of it but still watch him because you can’t help it. 

Eventually he turns back around and is holding a pair of pliers in his left hand and a large hunting knife in his right.

“Now, I think I know what you’re going to pick, but I figured I would ask anyway. Do you want to tell me who you’re working for and what they sent you here to do? Or do you want to get hurt?” there’s a chilling coolness to his tone. Not a single sign of stress or anxiety that he was going to have to hurt you, if anything, he seemed almost bored.

You owed nothing to the foot clan but that wasn’t why you kept your mouth shut. This was obviously a trick, everyone knew what happened to traitors when the Turtle boys got their hands on them and you had a chance of making it out of here alive if you could work a little charm on him.

“Where would be the fun in that?” you reply

He tilts his head to one side as if in thought and then continues towards you, knife in hand. He drops the pliers at your feet and brandishes the knife, making a slit along the seems of your black skinny jeans and t shirt in order to remove them. Now, just in your bra and underwear, you felt deeply exposed but, in a very strange way that you were almost ashamed to admit to yourself, you liked the power play here.

“If you wanted me naked all you had to do was ask nicely. I would’ve done it for a handsome guy like you”

Donatello gives you  a wry smile before taking one step back and then lunging forwards fist first to punch you in the face. His fist connects with your jaw and you can hear your teeth scrape against each other in your mouth from the force of it. He has a solid right hook, you’ll give him that. It takes a moment for you to come back to reality but once you do, you look him dead in the eyes and spit blood into his face. This produces a genuine smile from him, one that screams “I love it when they put up a fight”.

He wipes the bloody spit from his cheek and takes a few more steps closer to you until you’re almost nose to nose and he places the blade of the knife of the knife at the base of your neck. He drags it down slowly and you can feel it scrape into your collar bone as he pulls it closer to your sternum, you mewl in pain. This wasn’t the worst thing you’d ever experienced but it certainly hurt. Thick droplets of blood begin to roll down your chest and soak into the material of your bra, turning it from a beige to a muddy red colour in patches. Donnie retreats to he table and picks up a container of something white. He picks it up with his hand and rubs it into the cut on your chest. ‘Salt’ you quickly realise and it stings like hell you make a “Gah” sound of pain and he doesn’t flinch, he simply returns the container to the table and picks up the pliers he left at your feet.

Donatello takes one moment to remove his blazer and roll up the sleeves of his shirt, he commands a lot of authority with this action and you watch intently.

“Why not just take it off completely, I wouldn’t any to get blood on that lovely shirt of yours” you tease.

He looks up at you with no expression but you think you can see a hint of amusement in his eyes. He sets upon you again and pins your nose shut forcing you to open your mouth to breathe, that’s when you feel him slide the pliers in and get them gripped around one of your lower back molars. You scream out in pain as he shakes the pliers side to side to leverage out your tooth, your mouth filling with a coppery taste you know all too well was blood. You try to bite down to stop him but the metal of the pliers won’t allow you to close your mouth at all and before you know it the tooth has some loose and he’s ripping it from between your lips.

He stands back and looks at the tooth with a sense of accomplishment.

“Tell me who sent you” he commands once again

“Look” you begin “As much as I’m enjoying our time together....” a thin bead of blood slips from your mouth and drips down past your chin “you know I can’t tell ya’ that. No matter how handsome you are or how much you hurt me”

“Hmmm” he replies simply.

Donatello walks forwards and places one hand under your chin to lift your head up to look at him

“You’ll tell me eventually, sweetheart” He places a chaste kiss on your lips and when he pulls away you can see you’ve left a small drop of blood on his mouth which he just licks away without another thought.

He continues his work for what feels like forever but the clock in the corner of the room tells you was only 3 hours. Pulling off your fingernails, cutting you, taking a few more teeth and all the while rubbing salt into the wounds. You were in agony and hung your head down with exhaustion. 

Lifting you by the hair, Donnie holds your head up to look at him once again and with his other hand caresses the tear stained skin of your cheek with so much tenderness you almost feel like he’s going soft on you but know that’s not possible. He looks into your eyes and the corner of his mouth lifts up into a half smile.

“We’ll continue this tomorrow” he says

“Bored of me already? Amateur” you stutter out through heavy lips. He had really fucked you up in your short time together.

He places a lingering kiss on your lips which you return before pulling away abruptly and leaving the room. ‘How the fuck am I gonna live through this?’

_____________

It’s early the next morning, at least, you assume it’s early as Donatello walks in yawning and stretching with that just showered smell to him. You had barely slept, being tied to a giant wooden x that was upright on a wall didn’t make for comfortable sleeping but you still smile brightly as he walks in the room.

“Morin’ handsome” you chirp. He may have broken your body but you were never going to let him defeat your spirit. That was your one form of rebellion against him, your positive attitude.

He approaches you and begins to stroke your hair, his head tilted to the side a little to get a better look at you. You know you look like shit, your face must be puffy and swollen from the teeth he took out, your eyes are bloodshot and you’re caked in blood and sweat; there’s no way you look cute right now. None the less, he smiles at you and gives you a gentle kiss on your temple before turning away. Still with his back to you he says

“You know, we can end all of this now if you just tell me who sent you”

You snort in response, “And miss out on this horror film experience? Never”

“As you wish, I do like it when my toys have a sense of humour. It’s usually the first thing to go when when I start cutting” 

You wince when he says this but he doesn’t see, luckily. You know you’re in for a world of pain but his company is... Strangely comforting. You don’t like that you enjoy having him around.

He turns back to you holding a knife and you huff. He approaches and places the knife in your mouth with the blade touching the skin of your cheek.

“Tell me who you work for and why they sent you” He demands again

You say nothing and he rips the blade from your mouth, splitting open your cheek in the process. It’s agony and you would clutch your face if your hands weren’t tied down. You didn’t understand how all this blood couldn’t make him queezy, You aren’t a pussy but the metallic smell alone was overwhelming. Blood pours down your face and chest and you begin to cry in pain. Donnie leaves the room for a moment and comes back with a bucket full of water and a plastic bag.

He places the bag over your head and you struggle to breathe a little, that is, until he begins to pour the water over the bag and you can’t breathe at all. It feels like your drowning and you begin to panic, shaking your head from side to side in order to get away from it but it’s not use. He takes off the bag and sticks your head down into the cold water where you splutter and gurgle. He lifts your head and out and looks at you.

“Tell me who sent you and what they wanted”

“You know, waterboarding has been illegal since 2009. You’re a very bad boy” you say breathlessly. 

He responds by shoving your head back into the water where it overflows and turns a red colour from the blood pouring from your face.His grip on you is too strong and you can’t get your head out for air. That’s when everything goes dark.

When you wake again, Donnie is stitching up your face with expert precision.

“Why” you manage to get out

“Can’t have you dying of blood loss before you tell us what we need to know” he states in a matter of fact way.

The stitches don’t hurt as much as the actual wound but it’s still not pleasant. He places a hand on your opposite cheek and looks deeply into your eyes. His eyes are beautiful, golden coloured with thin black rings around the pupil. You get lost in them for a moment before returning to reality. Using his thumb, he rubs it up and down your cheek like a lover comforting you would and you sigh at his affection.

He leans in and kisses your wet lips so gently that your heart almost melts. These mixed signals he’s sending you are messing with your head. You start to get that feeling that maybe he does like you, but this is something that he just has to do to protect him and his family. ‘That makes sense, right? I mean, what wouldn’t you do for family?’ He takes a step back

“We could end this all right now if you just talk”

“But then I wouldn’t get to see that gorgeous face anymore” you splutter

Reaching out, he runs his hand down your chest between your breasts and over the cuts on your stomach until he reaches the hem of your panties.

“This what you want?” he asks

“Yes” you reply

He turns around and walks out.

_____________

Donatello wakes you up by walking in and the door slams shut behind him, you can already tell he’s not in a good mood. He wastes no time picking up a pair of pliers and coming over to you with them.

Normally he would say something to you, maybe kiss you but today he simply goes straight to your hand and rips off one of your few remaining fingernails. You scream in pain as he drops the nail to the floor and goes back in to get another

“No no no please” you beg

But your cries fall on deaf ears, he takes the nail of your ring finger on your left hand and rips it off in one pull. You cry out again. 

He returns to the table in the corner, throwing the pliers down and placing his hands at either end on the surface of the desk. He bows his head.

“Rough morning?” you inquire still trying to calm yourself down from what just happened.

“Nothing that concerns you, just family shit”

He turns back around abruptly and walks towards you, his lips crashing into your and he kisses you passionately, his hand tangles in your hair as he does. When he pulls away you’re breathless.

“Let’s get started” He says.

He goes back into kiss you, taking a knife out of his pocket as he does and he slices along the bottom of your belly, you call out against his lips but he doesn’t retreat, he just keeps kissing you and cutting at will.

Finally, he pulls away again and looks you up and down, admiring his work.You can feel the blood dripping down your stomach and seeping into your panties and you stare at him with wide eyes full of fear.

Without missing a beat he throws a punch that hits you in the cheekbone, splitting the skin open and a trickle of blood runs down your face, you can already feel the swelling beginning to set in and he grabs your chin in his hands and looks at the cut

“That’s going to need stitches” He says as he places a kiss over it and begins to trail them down your face and onto your neck. 

“I think I love you” you mutter but he says nothing.

You continue like this for another hour, cutting and biting and stitching you up and kissing all the places that hurt. He was like a demon from hell but you wanted him to like you so badly. Occasionally he would say something interesting to you or tell you how pretty you looked bleeding and crying but never much else.

You were falling for him and you knew it, but you couldn’t help yourself. Today was especially rough because of whatever was going on behind the scenes and he was desperate to take it out on you.

“I think we’ll call it a day” he finally says

You sign with relief, there wasn’t much more you could take but somehow he never ran out of ways to hurt you. He slaps you in the face and then places a chaste kiss on your lips before walking out.

_____________

It’s been 4 more days to your count  of endless torture and gentle kisses. You’re going loopy in the head. You would do just about anything for this man aside from talk. You had had a few conversations. He always asked questions about your family and hobbies, even seemed interested when you brought up taking classes for veterinary school but, you never gave him what he wanted so the pain never ceased.

Today he walks in with his brothers. They all stand around you in their suits admiring his handy work.

“Is she dead?” Raphael asks

Your head is too heavy to look up at them but you are most certainly alive....You think. You have to be.

“This is your last chance” the one in the blue suit begins “last chance to tell us what you were doing here”

“Make this easy, pet” Donnie chimes in

“Or we start taking fingers instead of just the nails” Michelangelo cracks his knuckles

You can’t do it anymore. Your entire body burns with pain and you think the cut on your chest is beginning to get infected. They want you to talk so have it their way, at least when they kill you for it you’ll be free of this torture.

“I don’t know his name” you whisper.

They all come a little closer to hear you better and Donatello lifts up your chin to help you see them.

“I don’t know his name” you repeat “But he wanted me to meet him at 9:30pm at the bar The Crown And Thistle to tell him what I had found out about you. He’ll be there tonight. Dyed black hair, leather jacket with spikes. You can’t miss him” you barely manage to speak those final words you’re so weak.

“Take her down, boys” Leo commands

Raphael unties your legs while Donnie sets to work on your arms. Once free you collapse down onto him, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“That’s it, pet. It’s all over now” 

You sink your head into the crook of his neck and pass out. __________

When you awake, you’re all bandaged up in a beautiful bedroom. There are fitted wardrobes along the wall facing you and a desk in the corner with a laptop on it. You can’t sit up but you know you must be in Donnie’s room. As if on cue, Donatello walks in, the sleeves of his light purple shirt are rolled up and he’s carrying a tray with a bowl of soup and cup of water on it.

He doesn’t speak to you, only sits down next to you and takes a spoonful of the soup and brings it towards your mouth. You haven’t eaten in a week so you gratefully take every bite he gives you before polishing it off with the water. It was nice, to be taken care of, especially by him. He leans in and kisses you so gently but you place your hand on the back of his head and hold him there to deepen it. You had been wanting to do this since day 2.

His hands trail down your body, missing all the gauze and bandages as to not hurt you and settle on your hips before he puts his tongue in your mouth and you accept it with a small moan.

“Just treat me like I’m made of glass” you beg

He responds by lying you back down and getting on top of you, his hand between your thighs slips under the material of your panties and begins to rub circles over your clit. This sensation is more than welcome after the days of nothing but pain from his hands.

He pulls away and removes your underwear with ease, tossing them across the room and onto his desk in the corner. You reach out for him again and he comes back down to continue your kiss, undoing his flies and stroking his dick as he does. He places himself at your entrance and looks into your eyes as if you ask for permission and you nod in response. Then he’s inside you thrusting slowly but deep into you at a gentle pace.

He brushes the hair out of your face, lightly tugging at one strand and rolling it between his fingers as to admire it before his attention turns to your chest. He leans down and takes on of your nipples in his mouth and begins to suck at it and nip gently with his teeth. You moan out and he doesn’t stop but goes from breast to breast to further the sensation. He’s so tender with you it’s a contrast from the last week but you don’t mind it. You have him now and are getting exactly what you want.

His pace quickens a little and you bite down on his shoulder to stifle your moans which he seems to enjoy as he kisses the top of your head. Your head falls back to the pillow and he wraps one hand around your throat while looking into your eyes and begins to squeeze a little- cutting off the blood supply to your brain.

“you’re doing so well” he praises in a low, raspy voice.

He pulls out and turns you over so your belly is down on the bed, it stings a little but you ignore it. You’re entire body aches in a different way now, now you’re aching for his touch rather than to be rid of it.

He gets between your legs and places himself back inside you, kissing the back of your shoulder as he does and you cry out as he fucks you harder.

You begin to claw at the pillows and sheets at the pleasure he’s causing you. You’ve never had anyone like him before and you never will again. He fills you so well that you want to cry and almost do, there’s such a mix of emotions going on inside you right now. Pleasure, pain, despair, hope.... But he keeps pumping into you and you’re beginning to get close.

You turn your head to face him and he kisses you with passion, expertly pushing his tongue in and out of your mouth and he tastes like whisky and cigarettes. 

“Tell me what you need” He says as he ends the kiss

“I need you to make me cum, please please just do it”

He picks up the pace at that and you can feel the ball of tightness in your stomach release as your orgasm crashes over you and you nearly see stars. His thrusts get sloppy and faster as he nears his own release. A few moments later he cums inside of you and rolls over. You get close to him and rest your head on his chest and place your arm over his torso.

Donnie carefully pushed the hair out of your face and rests his hand on your cheek.

“I love you, Donnie” you say

“I know” he replies.

Fin.

#mob! au #mob au #mob boss donnie #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #stokholm syndrome tw #blood tw #gore tw #violence tw #lividity #my fic

[gamerwoo]

Seventeen headcanons: Seventeen as Disney Characters’ Kids

a/n: you can thank my cousin forcing me to listen to the descendants soundtrack for this. may or may not do oneshots for these at some point so uh,,,,,,we’ll see

-

Seungcheol, son of Kovu and Kiara

a lot like his parents

is a little infamous because some people still see his dad as “evil” anyway

does whatever he thinks is right even if it’s not traditional

heir to be king and he takes that seriously

honestly he is lowkey trying to prove himself to everyone

hangs out with wonwoo a lot and usually goes to him for advice

also best friends with soonyoung since they’re kind of in the same boat

doesn’t want to be sheltered by his parents even though he has mixed reactions from the public

even if his entire kingdom doesn’t like him, he wants to be a good prince and future king

-

Jeonghan, son of The Cheshire Cat 

sly and sneaky and mischievous lil shit

you don’t think he’s there but he’s there

he hears and sees everything

his favorite thing to do other than nothing is eavesdrop

he’ll be hanging out with his friends and as soon as someone is like “let’s go do this” he disappears without saying anything

often found lounging about with his tail swaying and flicking

typically up to no good but his seemingly sweet face always fools people

but those who know him know he’s typically anything but sweet

whenever he appears, you always see his smirk first

-

Joshua, son of David & Nani

surfer dude

i mean, come on, look who raised him

hangs out with seokmin a lot 

he’ll sit on his surfboard out in the ocean and seok will swim up and rest his arms on the board and they’ll just talk or swim and stuff

he is a little ‘odd’ but his aunt is lilo and he was raised around aliens so can you blame him

but he really just wants to be normal because people have been judging him for his entire life

sometimes he’s a lil judgy just to make himself feel less weird

*insert that gif of him making that face in the going svt episode that everyone uses as a meme now*

but like he also keeps experiment 002 as a ‘pet’ after mrs. hasagawa couldn’t take care of her ‘cats’ anymore

so he still is a lowkey strange boi 

-

Junhui, son of Thomas O’Malley 

smooth as heck

a little goofy but that’s his charm

he comes from one of thomas’s many one-night-stands, so he lived on the street and was only raised by his dad for a long time

when he was brought in to live with duchess and her kids, she treated him like one of her own, and he got along well with her kids

would throw hands for his sister without question

still a flirt like his dad though

but he drinks his respect women juice i promise

usually playing around with his brothers or sometimes going off to help hansol

even though his family is loaded now, he still acts like he’s an alley cat lmao

kinda stays away from jeonghan because he finds him scary

can be found hanging around with soonyoung though

-

Soonyoung, son of Shere Khan

he wants to be a tiger so badly so

despite his dad being kind of yknow an asshole

soonyoung is a huge sweetheart 

some people may think it’s an act or whatever but it’s just how he is

and his dad is trying so hard to get him to be less kind but the boy can’t help his fat heart okay

he hangs out with seungcheol a lot because the two can relate on being misunderstood

soonyoung is basically kovu

came from a shitty family but is just here for a good time

but if you fuck with him he can and will rip your throat out

hangs out with jun quite a bit because he makes him feel more upbeat and kind of grounded i guess???

because he doesn’t want his status or his father’s words getting to his head

honestly highkey worried he’ll become like his dad

-

Wonwoo, son of Milo Thatch & Kida 

literally the perfect mix of his parents

the curiosity and shyness/awkwardness of his dad

mixed with the beauty and grace of his mom

he’s the prince of atlantis since kida became queen after the king died, and everyone absolutely adores him

has girls lining up to marry him but because he’s awkward like milo, he’s not really that interested in getting married anytime soon

hangs out with seungcheol and tries to give him helpful advice

pretty much always reading and learning about other cultures and kingdoms

has never been outside of atlantis and he’s highkey curious about what’s out there

but he’d never sneak out behind his parents’ back because he’s a good boi

-

Jihoon, son of Elsa 

he’s a lot like his mom (from the first frozen i havent even seen the second one ok)

he also has powers like her which he doesn’t use often

even as a child, he preferred learning how to use and control it rather than just use it for fun

but now when he has to go out for royal things, he will sometimes make a little ice rink for the kids or create little flurries and dancing snowmen just to see the children laugh

and if you look at him, you can see the hint of a smile

spends most of his time in his room reading or sleeping because that’s just how he chooses to spend his time

tbh he doesn’t want to be a prince he just wants to do what he wants

but elsa is a single mom and he’s her only heir so he doesn’t want to let her down or stress her out

but if he could just,,,,,,not be a prince, he would love that

-

Seokmin, son of Ariel and Eric

everyone always sayin this boy looks like prince eric anyway so

he’s a mermaid like his mom so he can spend time in the water and on land

often goes ‘surfing’ with joshua but it’s basically josh surfing while seokmin swims in the waves and watches

sometimes he goes to visit wonwoo in atlantis but not often because it’s kind of hard to get to

spends 50% of his time singing whatever song is stuck in his head or just making up his own

he really is more like his mom personality-wise lmao

and of course more like his dad when it comes to looks

likes being on land and in water equally you can’t make him choose one

his best friend (other than josh) is a dolphin that goes on adventures with him and stuff, and an octopus that clings to him like a backpack

-

Mingyu, son of Eugene and Rapunzel 

big clumsy but kind idiot

also does that weird smolder thing like his dad

honestly he’s kind of the perfect mix of his parents

very kind and curious

but he’s not nearly as trusting as his mom

he may be kinda dumb sometimes (he got the braincells from his dad ok) but he makes an excellent prince

he loves his kingdom and his kingdom loves him

he’s got so many suitresses but he put his training to be king first

however he highkey in love with the girl who sells flowers and planters at the market

-

Minghao, son of Cruella De Vil

like his mom, he’s very into fashion

unlike his mom, he prefers to find cruelty free ways of achieving fashion

he actually left home when he was 16 and has nothing to do with her

he’s become an anonymous fashion designer because he knows nobody would give him the time of day if they knew who his mother is

as a designer, he goes by the8

he designs all of seungkwan’s clothes too

he usually just stays inside and works on his clothing because people are mean to him when he goes outside

-

Seungkwan, son of Charlotte La Bouf

just wants to be a prince so heckin bad !!!!

likes to dress up in nice clothes and go out a lot

only wears things designed by minghao though

he’s boujee okay

honestly would give up his prince dream to help minghao make a new name for himself

he wants to be a prince more than anything but his friends and those he loves come first

but seriously can a princess just marry this poor boy already

-

Hansol, son of Robin Hood & Maid Marian

hands down the sweetest boy ever

he’s pretty well off so he typically just gives away his own things

but he will steal from the rich if he has to lmao

pretty much friends with everyone because he’s just so likeable

the only people who don’t like him are rich assholes lmao

may or may not have been arrested a few times but it was for good reasons i swear

sometimes has chan tag along on his adventures to steal from the rich

-

Chan, son of Mulan & Li Shang

he’s not a prince but damn he looks like one

the strongest warrior in his kingdom

his family is also very highly ranked so while he’s not a prince he’s still an important dude in the kingdom

girls swoon over him and men want to be him

can we blame any of them

if he’s not training/practicing, he’s off with hansol 

often donates to the poor but also loves to eat the rich lmao

has also wound up in jail a few times but his parents are fine with it because it’s for a good cause

but if he’s not practicing or with hansol, he’s just fucking up assholes

those are basically his hobbies lmao

#seventeen #seventeen au #seventeen scenario #seventeen imagine #seventeen headcanon #seungcheol #jeonghan #joshua #junhui #soonyoung #hoshi #wonwoo #jihoon #woozi #seokmin #dokyeom #dk #mingyu #minghao #the8 #seungkwan #hansol #vernon #chan #dino

[fastcrthanfast]

Dante really wished he wasn’t the oldest or that Elise would help him at least but no, she was worse than the younger ones. He pulled in front of Caspian’s and Nina’s school and watched as they both ran to the car. The usual ‘shotgun’ race but he raised an eyebrow as Caspian climbed in the seat. Nina grumbled but got into the back. They were both aware Dante didn’t do tantrums and a race is a race. Caspian wasn’t as fast as Nina so he looked happy to be in the front with Dante but Dante noticed the bruise on his brother’s cheek. He leaned down to get a better look but Caspian pushed him away.

“What are you doing, weirdo?”

“What’s that?” Dante pressed on the bruise and watched Caspian flinch. Looked like someone punched him and Dante pushed down the anger at the thought.

“Nothin’”

“Nothin’, huh? Nina who punched Caspian?”

“Oh, it was this kid named Mark at recess!”

“Nina, shut up!”

“No, you! You just let him punch you!”

“Nina!”

“Alright, alright. Both of you shut up.” Dante sighed, “Cas, did you tell the teacher?”

“No. I’m not a snitch.”

“Okay, no, this is not a snitch situation. Why did he punch you?”

“Because he doesn’t like me. He’s always picking on me. I ignore him though.”

“Caspian, what the fuck, man?”

“He doesn’t stand up for himself.” Nina shook her head as if she was any better. She was the one always pushed over.

“It’s whatever.” Caspian put on his seatbelt and looked out the window.

“I’m telling Dad.”

“What? No! Please, please, don’t tell him. They’ll all make such a big deal about it and he’ll make even more fun of me.”

“Who?”

“Mark! He picks on me because he thinks I’m spoiled and a brat.”

“Well….” Dante stopped himself, “Cas, you can’t just take it. Punch him back at least.”

“Then I’ll get in trouble.”

“Bro, not with Dad.” Dante started the car and drove towards the Pit Stop. It’s where he dropped off the kids after he picked them up from school. “Listen, you can’t just keep getting beaten up because somebody decided they don’t like you. Not everyone is gonna like you and that’s fine but that’s their problem, not yours.”

“Well, he did say he wanted to meet me in the park on Saturday so we can settle this. I think he just wants to beat me up in front of his friends.” It killed Dante that Caspian was so nonchalant about it. At his age, Dante would have beaten this kid’s ass and moved on. Dante stopped the car in front of the restaurant and Caspian put his hand on his forearm before they got out, “Don’t tell dad, D. I don’t want him to worry.”

Dante sighed, fuck, he hated being the oldest. “Fine but you’re meeting this kid on Saturday and I’m going with you and you’re gonna kick his ass.”

“I don’t know, he’s like 200 pounds.” Nina laughed in the background. She always knew everything, almost like she could read minds, but she never said anything.

“Damn, of course he is. Then I’ll kick his ass. I’m not above throwing hands with an 11 year old.”

“Okay, if you say so.”

“Yeah, just don’t tell Dad.”

They got out of the car and into the restaurant where Mama was pulling the kids into their arms. They’d been in Italy for a month and were happy to see their babies. Dante rolled his eyes but he’d already gotten hugged for 15 minutes and kissed repeatedly.

“What’s with the shiner?” Dante turned to his dad who was sitting at the bar.

“He ran into a door full-force. His teacher asked if she should write it up but I said no. It’s just typical Caspian!” Dante grinned but his dad looked at his for a moment before nodding. Shit, he didn’t believe him.

“Caspian, come ‘ere.” Caspian managed to pull himself out of Fran’s arms and run over. Monty smiled at him and ruffled his hair. “What happened to your face?”

“I ran into a door. I wasn’t looking where I was going. I didn’t even notice I had a bruise until the day was over.” Caspian didn’t miss a beat. They hadn’t even rehearsed. Dante wanted to high five him but like, that would give him away.

“Okay. Want a snack?”

“I will feed them, thank you.” Fran approached them and patted Caspian’s head. “Running into a door, how unfortunate. He deserves ice cream.”

The kids both cheered before running after their mama into the kitchen. Monty turned on Dante, “If you’re gonna lie to me and have him lie to me too, I hope you’re gonna handle this.”

“Dude, why are you like this?” Monty glared and Dante sighed, “Don’t worry about it. I got it.”

“You better.” Dante rolled his eyes and Monty smacked the back of his head, “Now go eat some ice cream.”

“They didn’t make me any. I’m not a baby.” Dante tried not sounding bitter. Fran came through the door and handed him a bowl of ice cream.

“Hmm, you are my biggest baby.” Dante laughed and Fran pulled him into a hug. 

Saturday came and Dante picked Caspian up from Lizzie’s with the excuse that he was taking him to the track with him. He technically was after he beat a kid’s ass. Should he even be considering this? Probably not but then again, he wasn’t going to let Capian get his ass beat every day.

“I don’t know about this.” Caspian said as they got out of the car.

“If you don’t stand up for yourself, everyone will run you over.” Dante said firmly. His dad should be handling this but he wouldn’t betray Caspian’s trust in him.

They walked together to the ‘meeting’ spot and Dante recognized this place as the meeting spot he had with his friends. They’d played a lot of games here. They waited a while before the kid showed up with a little group of his friends. Good, Dante was about to wreck this kid.

“Did Caspian have to bring his big brother to help him? Aw.”

“Shut up, Mark.” Caspian’s voice was shaking but Dante put a hand on his shoulder.

“What’s your problem, you little shit?” Dante asked

“Your brother is a spoiled brat and someone has to teach him a lesson.” Mark seemed to be a little scared now that it was Dante he was speaking to.

“Sounds to me like the entitled little shit here is you. You’re the one putting your hands on my brother. Must be real easy when you have so much back up. I think you’re just a little bitch and you’re jealous that Caspian doesn’t need an entourage to be liked. You bully your friends too?”

The little group looked uncomfortable now and the kid was turning red. A-ha, he figured it out. Dante never had a problem making friends and sure they beat the hell out of each other every now and then but it was all good fun and they were closer than they’d ever be to anyone else. Dante and Ben fought a lot more than the others did but that was because they were both fiery.

“He’s creepy.” Mark said after a moment. “He talks to himself.”

Dante looked down at Caspian who looked down at the ground. He knew his brother was struggling with his powers. They weren’t as clear cut as the rest of them. It already made Cas feel left out and he wasn’t about to let this little shit make him feel bad. He crossed the space and the kid tried to back up but Dante grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him close.

“Listen to me you little shit and you better pay better attention than you do at school because I'm only gonna say this once. If you ever put your hands on my brother again, I will find you and I will make sure you don’t have hands anymore.” He took the stupid hat off the kid’s head and showed him as he melted it in front of his face. “He may be too nice to put you in your place but I am not nice. I am your worst fucking nightmare and you can tell your parents or your teachers or whoever the fuck else you want to but trust me, that not even Mickey fucking Mouse will be able to stop me when I decide to come for you. You better spread the word that Dante McQueen is one scary motherfucker and he will be the one to come for you and everyone else who so much as looks at Caspian or Nina the wrong way. Do you understand me?”

“Y-Yeah, I got it okay damn!” Dante dropped the kid on his ass and threw what was left of his hat at him.

“Good. Now get out of my face.” He rolled his eyes as the kid scrambled off the ground and went running along with his friends. He’d probably get in trouble for that but he didn’t care and he doubted his dad would either. It wasn’t exactly a secret that he was a troublemaker with a famous dad and a lawyer mom.

“You good?” He looked at Caspian who was crying silent tears. It kinda, not it absolutely did, broke his heart. He loved his little brother so much and he would not let anyone fuck with him when he was already going through a tough time.

Caspian nodded but only helped more tears spill out of his eyes. Dante sighed and picked him up to hug him. Caspian clung to him and that was all the thanks he wanted from him. Caspian was not a small kid but Dante was tall enough now that he could pick up the kid and carry him back to the car easily.

“I just feel so dumb.” Caspian finally spoke as Dante put him down on the hood. He hopped up on the car next to him. Dad would kill them for sitting on the Hornet like this but it was heart-to-heart time and he was sure Doc wouldn’t mind.

“Why? Because some dumbass kid said so.”

“I’m not like you. I can’t just be confident and cool. It’s so easy for you.”

“Uh, yeah, now. It was not easy at first. I was pretty shy when I was little and kinda scared of a lot of things. Elise was always confident and loud. Or obnoxious whichever way you wanna look at it.”

“She still is.” Caspian laughed a little.

“I always felt like I could never be like her or like Dad. He’s pretty cool too and it feels like he was always that way. I guess I just copied him.”

“Dad’s cool but you’re cooler. You have cool friends and you guys don’t care and everyone knows you. Those kids are never gonna even look at me.”

“Listen, we’re assholes is what we are.” Dante frowned. “We shouldn’t be so troublesome but we get out of hand and we’re stupid except Josh, he’s smart, but he’s outnumbered. You’ll find your own friends to be cool with, I promise. The truth is no one is really cool or whatever. We’re all different and we only feel cool with the friends we have.”

Caspian stayed quiet for a minute before looking up at Dante, “But you’re my friend, right?”

“Of course, bud, I’m your best friend.” Dante didn’t miss a beat. Is this what wholesome was? It was nice. “And you’re mine. We’re built-in friends because we’re brothers. So if you think I’m cool, then you’re cool too.”

“Yeah?” Caspian’s eyes lit up as he looked up at Dante. This was the big brother moment he thought he’d have some day.

“Yeah, man! Now, let’s go to the track and I’ll let you drive in the car with me at top speed as long as you don’t tell your mom. Mama Lizzie does not like it.” Dante winked at him. “And then ice cream?”

“Yeah! You’re the best big brother ever!”

For once, Dante actually felt like he was.

#nextgen: dante #ft. caspian #tw threats #just Dante being a good big brother

[torn--and--frayed]

Josh/Donna + insecurity for the dialogue prompt?? ☺️🥰

Listen... was it the best idea to solicit prompts on a rare slow day at work? Admittedly, no. But this prompt did inspire me to return to some dialogue I had written for a multi-chapter fic I was working on.

I hate writing anything that isn’t dialogue, so it’s still in it’s rough form. Maybe when real life politics calms down it will be fun to return to the fictional kind.

Thank you for the prompt and I hope you enjoy!

When Josh enters the apartment after his third straight night spent in the Situation Room, he practically falls through door, stumbling a bit as he places his keys on the table.  

However, unlike the previous nights, all the lights in the apartment remain on, and Donna, rather than being tucked up in bed, is sitting at the kitchen table, hunching over her laptop. 

“Oh, you’re up.”

“Yep.” she says without looking up, her lips making a faint popping.

“Now who’s burning the midnight oil?” He tugs her hair gently, forcing her to tear her eyes away the harsh glow of the computer screen.

“You’re one to talk. Just finish up in the sit room?”

He sighs, crashing down into the other chair. “It’s, as they say, classified. Seriously, what’s got you working so late?”

“The First Lady chose an issue.” She’s back to staring vacantly. 

“Finally. Did you give her the folder? What did she choose? Foreign adoptions? School nutrition?” He smirks, “Say no to drugs?”

Donna glares at him sideways. 

“What? It’s not a childcare tax deduction, is it?”

“It’s worse.”

“Ok, now you’re really scaring me. What is it?”

“It’s…” she trails off as she covers her face in her hands. 

“Didn’t catch that? Its—”

“It’s healthcare.” Her voice reaching a high pitch she had previously not thought possible. 

“Healthcare?”

“Healthcare.”

“Oh wow.” Josh lets out a breath and leans back,“That’s—”

“Stupid? Impossible? Political suicide?”

“I was going to say difficult, but those work too.”

“Yeah.”

“Seriously, Donna, you can’t do healthcare. I mean, you can’t do healthcare.”

“What do you mean, ‘you can’t,’ Josh? Because I didn’t go to Harvard or Yale, my tiny mind just can’t grasp the complexity?”

“What? No—”

“I’m some political neophyte—”

“Donna, I meant the East Wing. I meant that, you’re in the East Wing, you should be doing fun—no, noncontroversial things. Not healthcare, that’s—I mean, that’s third rail.”

“Well, unfortunately, Josh, I don’t make the decisions over there; the First Lady does, and she decided she wants to do healthcare.”

“Well make her not want to do healthcare! You’re her Chief of Staff, aren’t you?”

“We’ve been spinning our wheels for weeks and now I’m supposed to tell her no? You can pick any issue, Mrs. Santos, just not that one?”

“Well, when that one is healthcare, yeah!”

“This is the first thing she’s shown interest in outside of what color drapes to hang in the residence. I’m not going stifle that before we’ve even tried.”

“You do realize that those of us in the West Wing have an agenda that we would like to get passed too? I’m not going to squander all the capital I earned winning a goddamn presidential election—”

“You’re not the only one that worked to get him elected, Josh,” Donna snaps. “This might come as a shock but the world in fact does not revolve around you.”

“Donna, we’re on the verge of nuclear war,” he says, frantically pulling at what remains of his hair,  “I don’t have time to hold your hand while you and the First Lady play nurse Barbie.”

“I didn’t ask you to hold my hand!”

“You think I’m just going to—” their rising voices are interrupted by the harsh sound of Josh’s pager. “Ah fuck. This fucking thing. Right now? Look, I don’t have time, I have to—”

“Just go.” Donna waives towards the door, dismissing him, “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“We agreed we wouldn’t bring any of this home with us and—”

She shrugs,“Well.”

“Yeah.”

***

Donna arrives at the White House at what could only be generously considered morning, even by D.C. standards. Her years spent as an assistant allowing her to balance coffees, breakfast, and a spare suit without so much as a fumble. 

She rounds the corner into the foyer outside of Josh’s office just as several in crisp military uniform are leaving. One nods slightly as he passes, “Morning Ms. Moss.”

“Good morning, Director Knowlton.”

 Josh’s head startles from the briefing he was reading, “Hey,” he starts sheepishly once the men have cleared. 

“Hey.”

“Look, I’m sorry—”

“You’re sorry? I’m sorry—”

“You were tired, and I shouldn’t have jumped down your throat—”

“I shouldn’t have even suggested you weren’t capable—

“And I shouldn’t project my insecurities onto you—”

“Because of course, you’re capable. You’re the most capable person I know. Hell, you’re more capable than me most days—”

“And I agree with you, it is the third rail—"

“Not that this isn’t adorable,” Margaret clears her throat as if to announce her presence, “but do you think you could do this in a place that isn’t right in front of my desk? Some of us are trying to get some work done.”

“Right, sorry.”  Josh leads them both into his office, shutting the door as he leans up against it. “Hey, Donna, I mean it I am sorry.”

“I know. I’m sorry too.”

“But we really need to talk about your legislative agenda—”

“Josh.” She raises a newly freed hand to stop him.”It’s already on your schedule. We’ll talk about it next week.”

“It’s already on my schedule. How do you even do that? We talked about this, what? Five hours ago?”

“I have my ways.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Now. Here’s your breakfast,” she dangles a paper bag in front of him, “and you really need to change. And brush your teeth while you are at it.”

“Hey!” Josh grabs for her wrist pulling her back against him, the bag crunching between them  “Why are you running out of here so fast?”

“It couldn’t have anything to do with your breath?”

“Funny. But I just brushed my teeth an hour ago, before my meeting with Knowlton, so I know it’s not that.”

“No, I guess not.”

“Stay and have breakfast with me.”

“You have time for breakfast?”

“Margaret,” Josh yells, “do I have time for breakfast?”

“You have ten minutes until senior staff.”

“See, I have ten minutes.”

“Ok.” She smiles as Josh leans in, and mumbles an ok of his own against her lips. 

The faint sound of a telephone ringing breaks the moment. 

“Bagel,” Donna pushes the now crumbled bag towards him. “And coffee.” she says, reaching around to hand him the paper cup.

“Everything bagel? Cream cheese? No whole wheat with low fat?”

“Uh huh. Full fat, almost no nutritional value. And coffee with four sugars. Just how you like it.”

“Wow. I’m getting spoiled today.”

“Consider it part of the apology.”

“Well as part of my apology I’ll let you have the fruit.” He says, handing her the cup of fruit she had tried to sneak in. 

“You’re so generous.”

“And powerful.”

“And humble.”

“And handsome.”

“Yes, that too.”

#tww fic #josh x donna #my fic #it's been a while... #don't know if I'll put this up on ao3 #might be a tumblr exclusive for a while #I get no love over there when I try to write anything other than comedy anyways #whatever I'm not sure how I feel about it but give me critiques #i live for them

[bisluthq]

Hello! So, I am a two muse theory doubter (yes read realistic Kay too a couple of times). Like, I want to believe. I have even tried to force it in my mind but it doesn’t take. The reason is - TMT fails to consider the fluctuations of emotional highs, lows, love and lust over the initial 2 year period of a relationship. Like, I am a semi profesh song writer with a muse. The variety of POV I write from are extensive. Life is an emotional pendulum and our experiences make it swing. On any given day, our perspectives and emotions can complete change for a given moment towards a muse. I can love my muse for the rest of my life but hate them with the same passion on any given day, go to my piano and write it into a song and feel indifferent to it later (the good and bad end up in songs). When I listen to Rep, it’s range of intensities I easily apply to my one muse. Taylor herself saying Dress, Delicate, CIWYW & NYD her true story on the album reads like she is just pointing to her average daily experiences with 1 muse. If Delicate is Joe & Dress is Karlie - Taylor separated her finding “love amongst the chaos” into loving two people in her true story. If you actually timeline those particular songs it’s Dress (a lustful hook up), to Delicate (wanting to make it official), CIWYW (the pressure of making it official) and NYD (the challenge of commitment). Unless “Dress” leads her to “Delicate”, why include it at all in her true love story line up? Like, was it a last minute attempt to hetsplain that song years after it came out?🤷‍♀️ by her including NYD in her true love story of Rep, it ties via the ‘squeeze my hand three times in taxi’ lines to cruel summers crying in the backseat lines (which is also the circumstantial vibe of CIWYW). The backseat crying lines of Cruel Summer ties to the Cornelia Street vibe (which Taylor writes later as a reflection of the whatever happened after the Delicate moment) which ties back to Delicate via the bar lines and forward later in time to Gold Rush via the creaks / wooden in the floor lines. I mean, all this says to me there is 1 muse of her true story - which could be Joe (but that cancels out the sapphic nature of dress) or Karlie (which means this illicit affair on joshy-boy really did happen somewhere between 100 and a million times). Tbh, I tend to believe the later. So you’ll be like okay what about LSS, Invisable String then fruitcake? (Fair call future sleuth haha). Or what about babygate and joshlie marriage?! Like, wbk that affair was at least long and messy AF. Folklore and Evermore were written last year and Lover period was fairly chaotic and clunky at best (presumably because of masters heist). Like, they MUST have broken up (FG, DBATC, Daylight, The 1, Cardigan saga, TIMT, Hoax, Peace, Exile, Coney Is, Evermore, RWYLM, CP, Happiness, TTDS). Like, they all have 1 muse energy of losing someone you love through messiness (could be joe🤷‍♀️ we’ll never know for sure). But many of these songs refer to a third person being involved which screams Joshlie to me because of ivy, illicit affair, the bitterness of “The Man”. Baby, you say? Like it’s pretty simple - Karlie went back to Josh, married him and had a baby and Taylor’s like “uhh, what a fucking joke” and processed it last year through writing two albums about it all. Invisable string, LSS - like these are both songs which come from a POV of self-reflection after hope is lost. Maybe reunited after preggo-gate? Maybe consolidated love after break up into friendship aka Dorothea? WB - quite simply - WB is the model to which Taylor writes about whatever she wants to (triangulation of desire). Good for her, great writing strategy. Is it a strategy needed? Well ya, but only if it’s born of having 1 muse and a very obvious story Taylor is trying to obscure. Like, come at me sleuth cuz I reallllly want to believe in two muse story. I wouldn’t even had bothered writing this if I didn’t. What am I missing?

Hey Sim here. So Nat broke protocol and sent me this one to answer because I too am a writer and I too at one point reached that point in the lyric analysis where I literally could not fathom any timeline I was hearing that made sense due to the connections in the lyrics between Reputation and Lover. I have a whole spreadsheet called “Car Bar Roof” where I’m just trying to make sense of a series of events through lyrics alone and I nearly drove myself crazy doing it.

With that being said, I want to give a disclaimer: Nothing wrong with you interpreting things your own way! I know Nat can come off kind of brash sometimes, but both of us are always hyper-aware that we are discussing what essentially amounts to a “Taylor Swift Is Gay” conspiracy theory and because it’s a conspiracy theory and we don’t know these people, no analysis is ever going to be 100% correct. If you don’t hear two muses on Rep, that’s totally fine! I’m sure we have some Toe/Swiftwyn readers who would agree with you there!

I do want to caution against relying entirely on lyric parallels to create a timeline, however. You’re going to dig yourself into a rabbithole that’s very hard to get out of. I think a lot of people don’t realize that Taylor has been using a lot of metaphors (especially the car and the bar) her entire career. It ends up being a big stretch to assume that just because two events in two different songs both take place in a car or a bar, Taylor is talking about the exact same moments. Like, let’s be real, how many times have any of us ever been in a car? Wouldn’t it be kind of ridiculous for a critic of our work to assume everything we write involving a car is about the same specific time we were in a car?

It is also incredibly easy to construct false narratives when you rely only on song analysis. I’ll give you an example using Taylor’s first high school boyfriend, Drew. Whether you believe it or not, he’s often cited as the inspiration for Tim McGraw. The song Tim McGraw has a variety of common themes with Taylor’s other work, the main ones being summer, dancing, the moon, a little black dress, a truck, a creek/river, and going back to school. If we follow song parallel logic, I could connect Tim McGraw to folkmore songs and, because of this, could say Taylor is still dating/writing about Drew from high school.

The little black dress in Tim McGraw is also mentioned in unreleased Live for the Little Things and The Other Side of the Door. In both Tim McGraw and Live for the Little Things, Taylor mentions a black dress and dances with her lover under the moon. A summer love that ends with going back to school can also be found in August, and Cruel Summer and August are very similar songs, in that both are about a summer love that can’t last and isn’t being taken as seriously by one person as another. The Other Side of the Door is almost the exact same premise of an ex at your doorway as I Almost Do, Dark Blue Tennessee, All You Had to Do Was Stay, and exile, meaning all those songs must be connected as well. Dancing with someone in the middle of the night can also be found in Everything Has Changed, 22, and Dancing With Our Hands Tied. As a bonus, trucks and dancing are also mentioned in Champagne Problems, which connects to Gold Rush, So It Goes, and Dancing With Our Hands tied through the use of the color Gold. So It Goes also mentions wearing black and meeting someone in the middle of the night. So all those songs have to be about Drew as well.

So here’s the narrative that makes: Taylor and Drew dated over a summer then broke up when he went back to school but at some point he came back to her door and they got back together. They mostly hung out in the middle of the night, driving around and dancing. Unfortunately, when he proposed, Taylor couldn’t say yes, and literally left him stranded on the dance floor and is now #foreveralone and writing folkmore to process these events.

To be clear, I don’t actually believe any of this. I don’t think anyone else does either, but since neither Taylor nor Drew have publicly interacted in over a decade, this can be easily disproved, despite the “obvious” way the songs connect. Taylor just likes certain themes. Cars and bars. Nature. The contrast of light and dark. Sparks and fire. I guarantee if you go over her unreleased songs and first two albums with the same fine tooth comb you’ve gone over Folkmore/Lover/Reputation/1989 with, you’ll find just as many lyric parallels, and it’s not because she’s only writing about one person.

Occams Razor tells me Kaylor’s not on good terms anymore. It also tells me Karlie and Josh are actually having a child together. From the outside, it looks like things have been bad since at least the Masters Heist, if not before, and the more digging we’ve done, the more evidence we find of that. Now, you don’t have to believe that if you don’t want to! As long as you don’t go around harassing people we’ve got no beef with you. Just know you’re always going to find song parallels to back up whatever you want because Taylor’s such a prolific songwriter who loves to use the same themes again and again. That’s just deductive reasoning, baby. Thanks for the discourse though! LMK if you wanna chat song analysis sometime!

#nat talks two muse theory #sim answers anons #nat talks lyrical interpretation

[twoidiotwriters1]

Starcrossed Losers 2.V (Josh Wheeler xF!Reader)

A/N: Now that I have more time on my hands expect a whole lot more of this baby coming your way :) -Danny

Words: 2,243

Series’ Masterlist

Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

Listen to me :)

Listen.

I'm not trying to defy my boyfriend's authority around here, can you really blame me for what I'm trying to do?

I don't get how the others aren't freaking out about this, like, those kids have eyes everywhere and now there's some freaky cult controlling them, right out of a dystopian story! Though I guess our whole situation may seem dystopian in general, I mean look at us, bunch of kids pretending to know what we're doing.

Either way, I'm just doing a quiet field trip, Nathan will come back with news of whether Sam will help or not, and we'll just look around the place... nothing more.

I don't have a death wish. I promise. Katie's death isn't weighing on me, I don't want to join her anytime soon, I'm actually quite happy, all things considered.

Then why am I here, the first hour in the morning, waiting for Nathan to come back?

Maybe I'm feeling like I have some adrenaline here that wasn't used and after going to one place and another now I can't stay still. And also because those AV kids might really need our help.

I find Nathan halfway to the school, he's not alone, Sam, Mona and Maya are with her. I groan a little at the sight of my former friend, and I can tell by her expression she wasn't expecting to see me either.

"Goodmorning, my queen," I smile at Sam, bowing a little just to make the ambience lighter.

"L/N," She bows back, her mocked solemnity making me grin in return. "Nathan has told us the issue, but only the basics. Care to tell us more?"

I tell them everything I know, I even play for them the last minutes of the newest episode, I see my worry reflected on Sam's eyes and I know I came to the right place.

"I knew Melissa," Sam said grimly. "She had the talent to see the positive things out of everything...  You have the map?"

"I memorized it."

"Cool, then let's go."

"What?" I blink. "Hold on, Sam, we can't just show up."

Sam frowns. "Why not?"

"Didn't you hear the recording? I don't know what the fuck happened there but it sounded like they were heavily armed, or at least that they are very violent."

"Well, you have a sledgehammer, Nathan has his crossbow, Mona has..." She looked over her shoulder. "Mona has herself. Maya has a pocket knife..."

"What about you?"

She shows me a taser and winks. "Think we're good to go."

"I don't know..." I bite my lip.

"Okay, here's a suggestion," Nathan starts. "Let's not fight yet? I know for a fact that Alex would kill me if you die."

"And?"

Nathan looks at me with this truly confused glance.

"I don't want you to die, Y/N."

I beam at his comment, however, Maya makes sure to ruin it right away.

"Yeah well, you haven't been around her enough lately, have you?"

"Neither have you, Maya," Sam gives her a warning look. "Y/N, we won't force you to go with us if you feel it's too risky, just tell us where to go."

"I won't let you go alone! It was my idea!" I exclaim, then pinch the bridge of my nose with a little exasperation. "Fine, we go. But we have to be quiet and we won't attack unless we really have to."

Sam and Nathan agree right away, Mona and Maya grunt and scoff, but I guess that's a yes.

We start moving then, only to stop five minutes later.

"Do you guys hear that?" I lift my hand so everyone stays quiet.

"Hear what?" asks Maya.

I hush her again, and turn to my right, recognizing the bright backpack peering from a trashcan.

"An!" I hiss in annoyance.

I quickly skate to the trashcan and lift the lid, revealing the tiny figure of Angelica looking up to me with a guilty smile.

"Surprise?"

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same," She frowns. "Josh told you to leave it alone."

"Since when do you listen to Josh?" I scoff.

"Since I realized a bunch of nerdy weirdos aren't worth risking my tribe!" She rolled her eyes. "They're probably dead already, Y/N! We should go back to the mall!"

She whines and pulls my arm as if to trying to drag me, I snatch my arm away and glare at her.

"I can't leave more people behind, not again."

Well, maybe this is about Katie a bit.

"You think those kids will thank you?" Angelica insisted. "They're losers! As soon as they find a better place they'll squirm away to the safest cave, there's a reason why rats survive longer than heroes, Y/N."

"I swear to god, sometimes what comes out of your mouth doesn't make any fucking sense," I reply. "Go back to the mall and stay there, if Josh asks, tell him I went to the school to finish my negotiations with Sam."

"I won't lie, he'll kick me out with you!"

"He won't kick me out!"

"Why not? You think he'll stop just because you make out a few times during the week? He could easily do the same with any other girl– No offence, but if he got over Sam Dean he can get over–"

"Stop!" I say, really not looking forward to hearing the end of that sentence. "You're already in trouble by knowing where I am, so you either come with me or you get lost but choose now because we don't have time for your temper tantrums!"

Angelica stares at me with that little frown she does before taking down her backpack and grabbing her taser.

"Fine," She growls. "But you better move your annoying ass faster, you're way easy to follow even while wearing those stupid roller skates."

"I was trying to be quiet," I argue.

"Wait, she's coming too?" Mona frowns. "We can't be babysitting while we search for a cult."

"I don't need a babysitter," Angelica rolls her eyes. "I could kill you in a heartbeat if I wanted to..."

"I'd like to see you try–"

"Okay!" Sam interrupted. "Let's just... keep going..."

As we keep going Nathan and I engage in a comfortable chat, it's weird to see him again, but not as weird as with Alex, I guess that by now I'm just used to find random people from my past. I'm not trying to avoid it, I don't mind being reminded of my past now that I have things to look forward to. I'm not sure exactly what, but I know I have a future, and maybe that future lies here or somewhere else, but as long as I stay alive I have one, and that's enough.

Nathan and I kinda have the much-needed talk about the elephant in the room, how we were an almost something, surprisingly enough, there are no hard feelings coming from either of us.

'Well the wind it brought my sails to you And my course was true We talked about the lovers we had How they never followed through Oh they never follow through'

"I still regret leaving you like that though," He tells me. "It's not that I was sick of you guys, I just... I don't know, felt like I was wasting my chance somehow?"

"Your chance?"

"Yeah, I mean during high school I was just the 'nice guy', you know? After the nuke I thought I would find something else to be but I'm still the nice guy, I let you escape when you stole half of our weapons, and now I keep Maya from doing fucked up things with the tribe when she thinks no one's paying attention..."

"That's a good thing to do," I try to cheer him up.

"I wish I could be more like you," He smiled fondly at me.

"What do you mean? The artsy girl?" I snort.

"You weren't the artsy girl– I don't know, you were just... you. I never felt like you had to belong anywhere to be worth something... I'm not like that."

"Maybe I never tried to belong, but I was lonely," I sigh. "I obsessed with reading of other worlds, imagining alternate lives that my actual real-life just felt... out of place. I always felt something was missing. The only time I had the feeling that my life was going somewhere for the first time was when... when you asked me out."

Nathan smiles at me, and even though I feel a little guilty about it, I can't help but feel glad that I can witness such a breathtaking smile from so close.

'You told me how the life you lead Is a made up thing How you wish you were as interesting As half the things you read Oh as half the things you read'

"Ah, I don't know," He sighs, looking away from me. "I guess I wasn't made to be part of a tribe, I really liked my time as a loner, you know?"

"Then why did you stop?"

He smiled again. "Because I also really liked you."

I blush at his statement, but I try to remain as neutral as possible.

"Well, if I'm allowed to say it, love is a really stupid reason to quit a good life," I admit.

"What?" He laughs. "Didn't you join your tribe because of Josh?"

"Not only because of Josh!" I defend myself. "I also joined because I had a purpose, I take care of them."

"Well, but most of them can take care of themselves now, don't they?" He teased. "C'mon, the only reason why you stayed is that Josh has you wrapped around his finger."

I frown a little at that.

Nathan kinda has a point, right? Alex already has my notebook filled with first-aid treatments and indications, most of the kids now know how to fix a broken bone. Do they really need me?

"Hey, not that it's bad," He adds, nudging my arm. "If I had what you have with Josh I would stay too, you guys seem happy."

Are we happy?

'I'm a wanderer I've always been undone And the shadows cast upon my soul Are clawing from the sun'

How much of this happiness will last once we get used to each other? And how much of that happiness is what it's keeping us together right now?

Are we really done with running away from places and being alone? I said I was, Josh said he wanted to stay with me. We said we'd be together. We are together.

Angelica's words come back to me in full force: 'If he could get over Sam, what makes you think he wouldn't be able to forget about you too?'

'I'm sure it's nice to think I'm something that you need But I promise when the sun ascends you'll see that's just a dream I'll never come around'

Do I really trust in love enough as to let it build the rest of my life? My future depends on whether Josh and I stay as a couple, and out of the two of us, I'm the one who'll lose the most if we break.

I obviously enjoy my time with Josh, and I really like him... but is liking him enough reason for him to stay? Or he'll leave as soon as I push the right button?

Just like with Sam...

'I must admit that the faith I had Is fleeting fast Cause you told me how you never let go And how that keeps you in the past'

No. I won't start this again. Josh already proved himself thousands of times. He chose me, he stayed with me. More yet, he came back for me when I left.

"It's here," I say abruptly, stopping dead in my tracks.

Everyone stops behind me. Ahead of us, there's a huge mansion, not too far from where Josh's old safe place is. It looks empty, but there's a security camera that luckily isn't pointing our way. I signal the group to give a few steps back and we hide around the corner.

"Okay, we need to get closer, we need to make sure they're–"

"Psst!"

I stop and straighten in my place.

"Did someone just 'pst' at us?"

"Psst!"

"Oh shit," Nathan looks up to the window above us and quickly prepares the crossbow. "Don't move!"

"Hey hey hey, it's fine!" The girl's voice says from the second floor. "You guys need to get out of the street right now, they're going to be here soon."

"What?"

"Come in!"

"Yeah, like we're going to listen to a stranger," Maya scoffs. "How do we know you're not with them."

"I know you," She says simply, then she turns to look at me and smiles. "I know your boyfriend. I talked to him once."

"What?" I tilt my head. "You mean after the nuke or..?"

"When you left the mall, he came to see me," She adds calmly. "Come in, I won't hurt you."

Her words make something inside my head click:

"Mavis?"

Taglist.

@letsbe-queer @slythermyg​ @loving-u-3000​ @one-loud-mind

#twoidiots writing #netflix #daybreak fanfic #daybreak #josh wheeler #josh wheeler xreader #Starcrossed fic

[captain-mcdavid]

word count: 2.6k

smut: yes | no

warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of a break in (tw)

It’s early morning when you finally drag yourself off the couch and to the bathroom. Your apartment is pitch black around you, and the clock on your counter reads 3:48. You peal off the outfit you wore to the bar, tossing the garments carelessly on the floor while you reach for the robe on the back of the door. The silk feels out of place on your sticky skin, but you tie it on anyway, eyes drifting up to your reflection for the first time since you stepped into the bathroom.

You look like a wreck. The mascara and eye shadow you put on earlier was not in it’s correct place, tears washing it to the tops of your cheeks. Hair a complete mess of tangles falling past your shoulders. It’s pathetic really, how upset you are, and how much it shows.

You should have seen it coming.

Slowly the makeup comes off, and the tangles come out, and the more normal you look, the more normal you feel. You finish off with some lavender lotion on your arms and neck, hoping the scent will make you tired, because at this point, you’re not sure if you’ll sleep at all.

You’re just about to head to the kitchen to make some tea when you hear the sound of your front door closing. You freeze in your place, stomach dropping to the floor. You can almost feel the color drain from your face, shaky hand reaching up to cover your mouth.

There’s a bang that follows, and an audible grunt while footsteps thud towards the living room.

You look around for something, anything that will help you in this situation, but there’s nothing, your phone is back in the living room, and there’s nothing that resembles a weapon anywhere.

Leaning out the doorway of the bathroom, you can’t see anyone down the hall, and the footsteps have stopped. Your eyes catch on the vase that sits on the side table in the hallway, and with a surge of confidence, you toe as quietly as you can out of the bathroom, clutching onto the vase like your life depends on it.

Your heart actually feels cold when you think about whoever the hell is in here with you having a weapon. If they have a knife, or heaven forbid a gun, the vase you’re holding isn’t gonna be near enough to stop them.

You near the end of the hallway, and your heart is pounding so fast and loud that you’re sure the intruder can probably hear it too. The foot steps start again, and as they get closer and closer you clutch the vase harder, tears spilling over your cheeks again while you listen carefully for the movements of the person.

They take one another step, and they’re so close now, so you listen for one more before turning the corner, clenching your eyes shut while you swing the vase blindly at whoever is there.

Your makeshift weapon doesn’t make contact with anything, it’s pulled from your hand while the intruder shouts, “What the fuck?”

You open your eyes as soon as you hear his voice, because you’d recognize it anywhere. He stares at you with wide eyes for a second, and you have to take him in slowly before you can let out the breathe you were holding, slumping exasperatedly with a choked noise as Josh shoves the vase onto the counter, lurching forward to crowd you into his chest. “Hey, hey- it’s just me!” He says, and you relax against him, letting out  a sob while you wait for the adrenaline to leave your system. “It’s just me, Y/N! I’m here, you’re safe,” He whispers, but you don’t quite believe it yet. “You’re safe,” He repeats, like he can sense your doubt.

“Fuck, I can feel your heart pounding,” He pulls you into him tighter, and you close your eyes, trying to slow your breathing, sucking in air until your shoulders rise. Josh rubs your back soothingly, and finally you feel your body start to relax. “You’re okay, you’re okay,”

His hand wanders up, smoothing your hair while he rests his cheek on the top on your head, and that’s when you finally have the mind to ask questions. You push him away forcefully while you look him up and down just to be sure, “What the hell are you doing, Josh? I thought I was about to fucking die,” You cry, and he takes another step forward, reaching out for you but you mimic him, stepping back just as quickly.

His shoulders fall the slightest bit, and he looks at his feet with a clenched jaw before speaking, “You could have, you left your door open. You need to be more careful,”

You scoff, pulling your robe tighter around yourself while you roll your eyes. “Quit mansplaining, that doesn’t give you the right to just walk in,”

“I knocked,” He fires back, and you just shake your head, “It was quiet, but I knocked.”

“Why are you here?”

“Cause I want to explain,” He says, and before you can jump in, he’s starting again, “Since this whole thing started neither one of us have stopped being angry long enough to let the other talk, and I think if we just listen to each other-,”

That’s where you cut him off. “I don’t want to talk. You’ve made it more than clear how you feel about me, I don’t need any explanations, I just want to move on,”

“Y/N. please, let’s just-,”

“No,” You cut him off for the second time and his fists ball up at his sides. “Seriously Josh, this is toxic. I’m mad at you, you’re mad at me, it’s never ending, and I can’t do it anymore,”

He mumbles something under his breath and you raise your eyebrows in question, wondering if you heard him right, “What did you say?”

This time he speaks louder, looking you dead in the eye. “It’s not you that I’m mad at.”

This pushes you over the edge, and he’s looking at you like you’re psycho because this sends you into full blown laughter. “Well, you could have fooled me! It sure seemed like you were mad when you fled the country after I went to Seth’s, and then yelled at me over the phone when I tried to tell you what happened,” Josh rolls his eyes and it fuels you to keep going, voice thick with sarcasm, “It also seemed like you were pretty mad when I left the bar with Seth too-,”

“Okay!” Josh finalizes, “Look, I didn’t come here to fight, honestly. I just wanna explain.”

You give him a weary look, and as much as you want to be strong and kick him out after all the shit he’s pulled, you find yourself wanting to give in. After all you’ve done some bad stuff too and you would have loved the opportunity to explain.

“I know you think I don’t care, but would I be standing here if I didn’t?”

After thinking carefully, you finally nod, and he sighs.

You end up on the couch, Josh extending his arm over the back while he takes a deep breathe, “So I guess I’ll just start from the beginning?” You nod, and he directs his eyes somewhere else while he clears his throat. “So Lindsay and I met like, I don’t know- two years ago maybe? It was like two or three months before I met you.” He says her name and all you can do is cringe, but you listen none the less, “We slept together a few times, but we were never together, I was seeing other people and I assumed she was too, but I don’t know she got a little crazy so I just stopped talking to her.”

That sounded familiar. Did you get a little crazy too? Is that what turned him off?

“Few months later I met you, and yeah, we had a good time, then we stopped talking, and the next time I saw the both of you was at the bar,”

It’s honestly comedic how he’s managing to make it sound like things ended seamlessly with the two of you. We stopped talking? You think to yourself. Nope, that was just you.

“To be honest that night I barely even paid attention to Lindsay, I knew she was there but I didn’t care, all I saw was you.”

You want to scoff at how cheesy that is, but you force yourself to stay silent, eyes falling to your lap as you try to process what he’s saying. “You’ve kind of always had that effect on me, honestly.” He says it bashfully, like he’s not comfortable with the words coming out of his mouth. “I know you’re not gonna believe me when I say this, but after we started up again I wasn’t seeing anyone else. And then that month came where you were gone, and it had been like three weeks since I’d seen you when Lindsay called. I shouldn’t have answered but I was feeling like shit, I thought you were done with me so I picked up, and she came over.”

You bite your lip, trying to blink away the images that are flashing through your head.

“I swear to god, the moment I hung up the phone, I knew I fucked up. I knew she was your friend and that it was wrong, and I was ready to tell her go home as soon as I opened the door, but she didn’t really take no for an answer. She said all sorts of things, she said you weren’t friends anymore and that you hadn’t talked in like weeks. She said she’d heard you’d moved on and were with some other guy, I don’t know all this shit, and the more she kept on going the more I felt like a total loser, and we ended up making out a little bit, and it almost went further, but I stopped it.”

Your eyes snap up at this, because you weren’t expecting that, the words falling out of your mouth in disbelief, “Wait, you didn’t sleep with her?”

He shakes his head, and you feel like a weight should be lifted of your shoulders, but there’s nothing.

“I told her to leave, and she was pissed but she went home. And that’s when she left her jacket. And then you came over like a week later, and we started hanging out again and it was the same as before, I was just focused on you. I had completely forgotten about Lindsay. And then came Boone’s party, and I saw the two of you come in together, with your other friend and I kind of panicked. I avoided you almost the entire night because I didn’t want to see Lindsay. So then when we went up into Boone’s room I followed, and I let you lie because I didn’t want you to know that I had seen you earlier. I was watching you talk to Seth, and you were laughing, and I don’t know, fuck, it made me so nervous because you ghosted me for like a month, and seeing you with Seth just made me insecure, I don’t know. So I lied, cause of that, and cause I was so terrified that you were gonna find out about Lindsay.”

His face turns read, and he rubs uncomfortably at the back of his neck, and you can see how nervous he is, but he continues anyway. “Then when we clinched a playoff spot, and had that party at Ryan’s, and you were hanging out with Seth, and it just kinda drove me off the edge. You came to the party with me, but you weren’t actually mine, and thinking about you with someone else- fuck, I hated it. I was so pissed that night,”

It was the same night that he let it slip that he saw you and Seth at Boone’s, it was when things started to unravel.

“Then we beat Tampa and yeah, fuck- I just, I saw that text from Lindsay on your phone,” He actually looks pained talking about it, and you feel guilty all over again.

“I don’t know, I don’t know how to say this.” He starts, running his hand through his hair repeatedly, eyes darting around the room. “I just-,” He starts again, but stops, and you wait patiently, stomach erupting with nerves while you listen. “I felt like shit, cause I actually liked you. Like you were the first girl in forever that I actually had feelings for, and then to find out that it was fake? I don’t know I lost it,”

You try not to let your head spin at his confession, because you’ve been waiting for him to say that for so long, but there’s still so much more you need to know, so you continue to listen.

“I was so pissed, but I had to focus on the playoffs, so I just ignored you, which wasn’t right, but I didn’t know how else to handle it. And then we lost game six and I got hurt and you came over, and to be honest, I hadn’t even thought about Lindsay for weeks, and then you found that fucking jacket, and I could literally see everything going up in flames around me, and I didn’t deal with it well, I was an asshole, but you were so mad, and I knew what I did was worse, but I was still so hurt I couldn’t just let it go. I had no fucking idea what I was feeling so I kept texting you, and you wouldn’t answer, so I went to go talk to Seth, and then I saw your purse on the table,”

He pauses for a second after that, and you bite the insides of your cheeks, hearing all this makes you realize just how bad you fucked up.

“That just kind of confirmed what I was thinking, that text from Lindsay and you seeing Seth, I was so sure that you were just playing me, and I was pissed, so I left. And I shouldn’t have done it, I shouldn’t have hit Seth either, but I don’t know, I was feeling so much shit, and I was being impulsive. I don’t know, it was just hard. That’s when we talked on the phone, and I said a lot of shit I shouldn’t have said. We went the whole summer without talking, and I barely talked to Seth either. So when I got back into town, I just wanted things to be okay with me and him so I asked him to pick me up from the airport so we could talk. He explained what happened that night, told me everything, and then when we got back to my place, I played the answering machine, and that’s when we heard your message,” He chuckles a little bit as he says it, and even though your ears burn with embarrassment, you can’t help but smile a little bit.

“I went over to your place right after that,” Your eyes widen when you hear him say that cause you don’t remember seeing him until your run in at the thai place. What was he talking about?

“I don’t know what I was expecting but it sure as hell wasn’t what I got. I was ready to forget everything honestly, and then he opened the door, and-.”

“Wait what?” You stop him, speaking for the first time since you sat down, “You came to my house? Who opened the door?”

Josh looks confused, “Yeah? I came the day I got back, but that guy Blake opened the door.”

Oh my god. That day that Blake was at your place, when he was acting all weird after he answered the door. It was because it wasn’t Mr. Danby at the door...

It was Josh.

#gpp fic #liv writes #josh anderson #josh anderson imagine #columbus blue jackets #columbus blue jackets imagine #nhl imagine

[gvf-imagine]

Part 2

warnings:  none

word count: 4705

summary: you get a text from dreamy rock singer Josh Kiszka whom youve just met at a live show and he wants to see you tonight!

tag list: @satingrass-maidensfair @karrotkate @kakarla @love-philautia @elliestrawberries @shesdigging @callmekane @supersonic-darling @jimmypagesandbrianmayshair @justacollegestudentyay

A\N: Loved writing this chapter! I hope you all enjoy it and like always any feedback is welcome and appriciated 

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Your friend hurried back to the table.

“What happened?!” she asked, her expression hungry for details. You simply shrug.

“He invited me to their next show at some college party…..he invited you too , oh and I gave him my number” you say with a melancholy tone. Your friends' eyes were wide.

“Why do you sound depressed??” she questions

“Why are you not freaking out like me?” she adds.

“He has a girlfriend” you say, taking another drink of your lemonade.

“God I wish there was alcohol in this” you chime again, mostly to yourself.

“Ok he has a girlfriend BFD he can't like her that much if he asked you for your number” she said with a satisfied shrug.

“Yeah that's just it, I don't wanna be the reason he leaves her. I mean we literally just met like what? Twenty minutes ago? And who knows how long he's been with her” you ramble. Your friend shakes her head

“Listen, whatever happens between them is NOT your problem. If he'd leave her for a girl he just met twenty minutes ago then clearly their relationship is already trash” she states. You look at her blankly for a moment before rolling your eyes.

“You just like the drama” you retort with an eventual smile. She nods proudly as she takes another sip of her drink

“I do! AND I like the guitarist so we're going to that show at that party” she decides. You chuckle and shake your head. Honestly you were excited to hear and see him again, you really really were and it's not like you guys were gonna make out or anything. You had no plans on doing anything that would jeopardize his current relationship, the two of you were just friends so far, not even friends, just acquaintances. Being an acquaintance sounded far better than being a home-wrecking hussy.

“That reminds me” you say, settling the storm of thoughts in your mind. Your friend looked up at you.

“Josh said that Jake, that guitarist you're in love with, was staring at you the whole show”  you proclaim readying yourself for the deafening overzealous girl-ish shriek that was sure to be escaping her perfectly glossed lips at any moment.

“WHAT??!” she yelled, her aura flashed at you like the aftershock of an atom bomb.l her face lit up with excitement and yours winced with the pain of her shriek ringing in your ears.

“Sorry I said anything” you reply but it falls on deaf ears.

“Oh my god what will I wear??” she asks her eyes darting off in thought.

“Wear two stamps and Saltine cracker for all I care , just don't get your hopes up about mr. wonderful there, boys in bands aren't really known for their long healthy relationships, more like short, shameful one night stands” you say.

“Yeah I don't care” she replies quickly. You smile, of course she doesn't. You can't help but feel differently about Josh, somehow you knew he wasn't like that. Maybe that was just you getting your own hopes up. He seemed genuine but you had only just met him so you couldn't really make a fair call yet. The rest of that day was full of water, sunshine, and lingering thoughts of two boys you hardly knew.

The next day was completely different, weather-wise at least. Dark, heavy clouds hung over your town like a horrendous guilt. A, what seemed to be never ending, shower of rain fell to the ground turning every home and business in Silver City, Michigan  into a lakefront property.

“Its about time you woke up” your friend smiles as you join her in the living room. She hands you a hot cup of tea, both of you still wore your pajamas which consisted of cotton shorts and old oversized t-shirts. The sound of rain dancing on the large window made you sleepy again, noting a huge crack of thunder and lightning couldn't solve though. Your body jolted in response to the loud boom. Your friend simply laughed and took another sip of her steaming beverage, smelled like vanilla chamomile.

“Shut up” you report playfully elbowing her in the ribs. You looked at your phone, you forgot you had turned it on silent last night. There was one unread message from a random number. Butterflies took flight against the walls of your stomach.

Josh.

You hated the fact that you couldn't help but blush and grin at the thought of him.

He has a girlfriend

He has a girlfriend

He has a girlfriend

You chanted to yourself in incantation before refocusing and reading his message.

J: Hey, it's me! I hope you had a good rest of your day yesterday, sorry for the late text, I had to wait till my girl fell asleep to talk to you…

Your heart sinks. You felt so bad for his girlfriend, it's not nice of Josh to go behind her back BUT there are always two sides to every story and who knows maybe she's talking to another guy behind his back. Your thoughts flew around your mind like fireflies. You shook your head and watched them scatter out of your ears and disappear into nothing.

Y: hey Josh! I'm glad to hear from you, so when's that party?

You decide to completely ignore the fact of his girlfriend and ask about the show instead, you'd like to talk to him more about his relationship because clearly he wasn't very happy in it, but it wasn't your place to ask.

J: 343 university Dr. we play at seven but well be there around five, so does this mean you're coming?

Y: yeah well be there, my friend would drag me by my hair if I didn't want to go lol but she won't have to

J: well that's good news for your hair, its too pretty to be pulled around…..like that anyway

The butterflies made their way all throughout your body. Did he just compliment you? It felt so good to hear him say that, it made you feel like a little giggly school girl with a crush. On the other hand you couldn't stop wondering if he'd said the same to his girlfriend today or who knows maybe there's other girls. You signed and slump down in your seat. Why was this eating you alive? You really honestly didn't even know him that well. You didn't know his last name, his favorite color, if he'd ever broken a bone. All you knew was he was a boy in a band, with a beautiful voice and a face to match. You felt the butterflies melt into a warmth as thoughts of him filled your head.

Y: josh…

J: I know i'm sorry, I just… I can't help it. I'm usually not like this but I just feel pulled towards you..

Somehow you knew exactly what he was trying to say, you felt the same way. The two of you were magnetized towards each other. You needed to be in his life one way or another and you just might have to put your better judgement aside and let temptation take the wheel.

Y: I know, it's okay. You're really sweet and I appreciate that. I'm really glad we met Josh

J:Im glad we did too and I feel like we met for a reason, I have to go rehearse with the guys now, but i'll talk to you as soon as I can… maybe I can come see you tonight?

Come see you tonight? What does that mean? What would we do? What would he tell his girlfriend? You didn't know what to say, hopefully he would be too busy at rehearsal to have any free time tonight.

Y: sure, if you're not busy you can stop by, just call me or something, hopefully ill still be awake ha ha. If no then i'll see you at the show…. Bye Josh :)

J: haha ok bye y/n

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*later that evening*

“So you're going to let him come over tonight right??” your friend prys as the two of you walked through the mall. You rolled your eyes, as you often did around her.

“How did you even know about that?” you asked, swinging your bags as you walked. She looked down

“I may have just quickly skimmed through your texts while you were in the shower” she chimed with an innocent smile. You glared at her but couldn't hold back your laugh.

“Youre so fucking nosy” you reply shoving her gently. She smirks with a slight cock of her head.

“I dont go through your phone” you add. Her face goes blank

“Yeah well my love life isn't as exciting as yours right now, my phone’s dryer that the sahara” she responds with her usual quick wit.

“Well what about Jake, he might like you” you suggest.

“Yeah he MIGHT and I dont have his phone number so I cant talk to him” she argues.

“We’ll get it at the party don't worry” you reassure. She sighs and drops her shoulders.

“Yeah and so will every other girl within a mile radius” she retorts.

“Hey there were plenty of girls at the water park yelling his name but he only had eyes for you” you respond, you can tell what you said made her feel slightly better.

“Yeah well I guess we'll see, he is really cute though…. I'm totally getting his number” she chirps decidedly. You knew she would, it never takes much coaxing for her to want to get a guy's number, usually she didn't have to ‘get’ them, guys practically threw their numbers at her. I've gotta hand it to her this time though, Jake is a good looking gman.

Just then your phone rings, you look down and see Josh’s name flashing on the screen.

“oh shitting hell it's him!” you say looking at your friend like a deer in headlights.

“Well what are you out of your mind?? ANSWER IT!” she demands as she grabs your hand making you put your phone against your face.

“Hi, Josh” you say, shooing her hand away.

“Hey! I wasn't sure if you were going to answer” he says, you can tell a smile is beaming on his face.

“Yeah sorry my hands are kinda full and I had to dig in my bag for my phone” you lied. Your  hands were only carrying one bag, they were hardly full, and your phone was already in your hand as well. You didn't want Josh to know you were too nervous to answer right away and your friend had to basically force feed the phone to you.

“Oh well, i'm done with rehearsal.. What are you up to?” he asks, he must have JUST got done with practice because you can hear him and who you assume is the rest of the band fumbling with some equipment in the background.

“Oh me and y\f\n are just at the mall, well we're leaving now, we just wanted to pick up some new outfits for..” your voice trails. Shit. you did not want him to know you were here getting new clothes for his show, that would give him a big ego.

For christs sake y\n make something up QUICK BEFORE-

“For what?” he questions, his voice interrupting you from your panicked thoughts.

Fuck.

“Ummm for …. A birthday party! Yeah next weekend, her cousin's birthday party. Its gonna be on a boat at the lake so we wanted to get some beach appropriate attire” you say, what a shit-headed fucking lie, really? A birthday party? On a boat??? Josh simply laughs

“Birthday party huh? Sounds like a good time” he's smiling again.

“Well I hope you have fun.. So you wanna get together tonight?” he asks getting right to the elephant in the room. You pause and look at your friend who nods so hard you thought she was going to slip a disc in her spine.

“Aren't you really busy? You're in a band you must have like no free time to hangout with  me” you say prolonging your answer.

“Well no I don't have much free time, but i'm freeing up my time...for you” he responds. His words were so sweet but so hard to hear and they made you feel both happy and conflicted at the same time.

“I'll bring Jake,” he adds.

Your friend snatches your phone when she hears this.

“Yes! Lets hangout! Our address is 1342 sunfield st. Why don't you guys stop over, let's say,in  an hour!” she chimes cheerfully. You can hear Josh’s voice responding but cant make out what he's saying.

“Awesome see you guys soon!” she says once more before hanging up the phone. You just stand there looking at her with zero expression on your face.

“You'll thank me later” she remarks, tossing you your phone and continuing through the mall.

“Come on slowpoke we gotta get date ready!” she bounces up and down grabbing your hand pulling you along. You were really excited to see Josh again, nervous as hell, but excited nonetheless. What were you going to wear?

-----------------------------------------

The two of you finally returned back to your house, your friend made a bee-line for her room, you did the same. You stood hopelessly in front of your closet.

“God I have nothing to wear!” you holler to your friend.

“You can borrow something of mine,” she offers. You hear her shuffling through her drawers, she's probably ripping through her clothes.  With a quick pace you made your way to her room.

“What should I wear?” you ask looking through her clothes she's already tossed aside.

“I haven't the faintest idea, I guess it depends on what we're going to do. Maybe wear something practical? Multi-purpose” she suggests. No help. You grab a pair of ripped skinny jeans and a black tank top that had a red floral pattern. This'll do. Sauntering back to your room you slip the outfit on and look at yourself in the mirror. Thank god you and her were basically the same size. Now all that was left was the matter of your hair and makeup. You decided to go with something simple, you didn't want to look like you were trying to impress him (even though you were). You tied your hair into a high pony-tail leaving a few strands down in the front to frame your face.

With gentle and effortless precision you put on your eyeliner, it really brings out your eyes and makes your cheekbones look nice. Usually that was the only makeup you wore, but tonight, you decided to put on some lipstick for good measure, a nice natural blush color. You smile at your reflection, which rarely ever occurred.

“You look great!” your friend's voice fills the air, light pink waves crashing over hot sand, you watch as the waves echo out of your bedroom window.

You turn to look at her, she's wearing a knee length sky blue spaghetti strap dress, it was simple and pretty and fit her frame perfectly. She wore a pair of white doc martens to top off her soft grunge look, her hair was down and barely touched her shoulders.

“What happened to ‘wear something practical’”? You question with a grin.

“To hell with it, I need to look irresistible” she answers.

“Well you do, I love that dress” you respond. There was a knock on the door, you and y\f\n looked at each other before the both of you  scurried excitedly to the door.

“Oh wait wait WAIT” you exclaim in a hushed yell as you ran into the bathroom, you grabbed your favorite perfume and spritzed a careful amount over your body.

“Ok go go go” you say as you toss the bottle back on the counter. The two of you rush to the door looking each other over one last time before your friend pulls the door open. In front of you stand Josh  and Jake, both wearing sweet smiles.

“Hey,” Josh says looking at you, his smile grew softer and more sincere the longer he looked at you. You picked up on it and blushed letting out a pathetically soft “hi”

“Come on in” your friend says, opening the door even wider. The boys step inside looking around, taking in their surroundings.

“Nice place, Josh and I share an apartment” Jake states with a soft chuckle

“This is hardly our house, her parents pay our rent” you say nodding toward your friend. She smiles

“Yeah they're loaded! So what do you guys wanna do?” she says quickly. Jake laughs at her remark.

“We thought we could go for a walk, maybe get some ice cream” josh says, more to you than the other two.

“A walk? It's like 10 pm” your friend says a small laugh escaping her lips.

“That's the best time to go” Jake says.

“Don't worry we'll protect you from any robbers” Josh jokes. You smile, you did everytime he looked at you, you couldn't help it he was so pretty.

“Sounds fun” you chime.

“Im 100% getting blue moon” your friend says grabbing her purse

“Oh you don't need that, ill buy” Jake offers, your friend looks at you with a smile.

“My kinda guy” she jokes again. Jake and Josh laugh and you all head out the door. The night air was crisp and clean, the smell of rain still hung in the sky. The ground was damp and the clouds were still looming and dark, but the rain had settled to a light sprinkle. You could smell it all, the droplets that hung off the leaves and the wet earthy dirt they fell onto. It was your absolute favorite smell, it reminded you of fall, which was only a few weeks away. The thought of that made you face burn red as you remembered you told josh that you had a birthday party on a boat to go to in a few weeks not stopping to think about what season it was. Dumbass. There's no way he fell for that.

Jake and your friend trailed slightly behind you and Josh, keeping conversion as they did. You heard them both laugh every few seconds and they seemed to be getting along.

“You look really pretty,” Josh speaks, forcing your attention on him.

“Oh” you smile.

“Thank you, I couldn't really find anything nice to wear, so I had to borrow something of hers” you admit with a laugh.

“You could have worn a trash bag, you'd still look pretty,” he says. His voice was dark and gentle like melted chocolate. His words ripped through you like wind through trees and all you could think about was his girlfriend.

“Can I ask you something?” you question.

“You can ask me anything” he responds, his eyes searching the ground.

“Why are you so nice to me?” you ask, your voice falls a little. Josh looks at you and then a passing car steals his gaze.

“When I first saw you I felt this pressure lift from my shoulders and then I couldn't take my eyes off of you, even if I wanted to I couldn't. You filled my head and I hadn't even spoken to you yet. One look.. And you entranced me…” he says softly.

“There's something between us y/n and I need to know what it is” he speaks again. Both of you had stopped walking by now, Jake and your friend were across the street ordering everyone's ice cream and standing noticeably close. Now that you thought about it, so were you and Josh.

“What about your girlfriend?” you ask, barely able to form words, all you could focus on was his perfect lips and enchanting eyes. You were close enough that you could smell his faint cologne pass your nose with every slight gust of wind. Your mention of his girlfriend didn't seem to phase him at all.

“Things with me and her are complicated, our relationship was set up through our parents and it's just a mess.. A forced mess. She doesn't feel that close to me, I've known you for a day and I've felt more things with you than I've ever felt with her. He explains. He was being honest, it wasn't just a show or him telling you what you want to hear.

“So why don't you just break up with her?” you ask again.

“I've never broken up with anyone before… I don't know how...plus her dad is our band manager and it would just cause a lot of problems” he admits. You understood how he felt, you'd never broken up with anyone either, you've always been on the receiving end of a bad breakup. Jake and y/f/n return, arms full of ice cream.

“Peanut butter cup, your favorite” your friend chimes, handing you a double scoop of the creamy treat stuffed generously into a waffle cone. Waffle cones were amazing, you never understood why anyone got anything else, they were delicious and if you rice cream started to melt it would catch in the diamond shaped waffle divots of the cone and not drip on your clothes. Yummy and practical.

“Thanks” you say, taking a refreshing lick. The four of you walked aimlessly around town, talking and laughing the whole way until you eventually wound up back at your house.

“Wow i cant believe how late it is already” Jake says looking at his phone, which prompted you to do the same.

“Holy shit it's 1am” you say, which was probably a mistake because saying it out loud made you realize how tired you actually are. Josh looks at you  

“Yeah it's late but I don't wanna leave” he admits a smile forms on his sweet face. He looked cute when he was tired.

“....you can stay the night if you'd like” you say nervously tugging at the hem of your shirt. Josh's face lit up

“It is very dangerous to drive while you're tired” your friend comments. Jake smiles and looks at Josh as the four of you walk back inside.

“I'm game” he says plopping down on the couch.

“Yeah I guess we can just crash on the couch” Josh says with a shrug, your friend quickly intervenes.

“Oh no no no this old couch will kill your back, you can sleep in y/n’s room!” she offers. You freeze. In my room? In the same bed? At the same time?

“Right y/n?” your friend speaks again, with a perky tone. Her eyes grow wide, glaring at you for a quick second.

“Oh uh yeah totally, these couches are stone” you say trying to sound nonchalant.

“Jake and I will probably stay up a while, why don't you guys head to bed?” your friend says again. Wow she's really pushing for you two to be together. You laugh at her and once again roll your eyes.

“Yeah, cmon Josh, it's right down the hall” you say, leading him to your room.

He closes the door behind him as the two of you enter. There's a moment of silence.

“You know, I can sleep on the floor if you're not comfortable with this,” he says stuffing his hands nervously in his pockets. It was tempting considering he had a girlfriend already but you  couldn't remember the last time you vacuumed this floor.

“No that's ok, I'm fine with sharing the bed, I wouldn't ask you to sleep on the floor” you say with a chuckle before yawning.

“I'm more tired than I realized” you add , sleep tugging at your eyelids.

“Me too” Josh says stretching. You looked down at what you were wearing. Jeans. Yikes. You can't sleep in jeans.

“Do you want me to leave so you can change?” he asks, reaching for the door handle.

“Um yeah sorta” you giggle shyly, he smiles.

“Just knock when you're ready” he says, stepping out of the room, closing the door softly behind him. You quickly pull your clothes off and toss them in your laundry basket before grabbing light blue pajama shorts that had little red cherries patterned across them, then you grabbed the matching blue tank top and took off your makeup with some wipes you kept in your drawer. You let your hair down and checked yourself in the mirror before knocking twice on the door.

“I'm done” you chime. Josh steps back in, his eyes fall down your body and his facial expression softens.

“Still pretty” he says brushing a piece of hair behind your ear. Your body warms to his touch. It was so gentle and soft, you look down, smiling to yourself.

“Are you gonna change?” you ask realizing he's wearing jeans too.

“Well I usually sleep in my boxers” he says, not breaking eye contact with you.

“That's fine, whatever's comfortable” you reply walking gover to your bed and sliding in. Josh starts to undo his belt and he lets his pants fall to his ankles before stepping out of them and pulling his shirt over his head. His body was a wonderful olive tone and he had a thin trail of  hair that led from his belly button to his… you know.

Your face flushes as you think more about how undeniably sexy he iis. He smiled almost like he could hear your thoughts.

“I'll get the light” he says, switching it off. Then there was darkness. You felt his body slide in bed next to you, immediately warming you. His smooth skin brushed against yours as he turned on his side to face you. His hand lifted to your face and he strokes your cheek with his thumb gracefully.

“This feels….right” his voice breaks the silence and floats in your ears.

“Yeah it does” you admit, he couldn't see it, but you had a huge smile on your face. Your bedroom window is wide open and it began to rain agoian outside, you could hear every droplet splash against the ground and the wind blew gently through the trees. The wind blew through the window sending a chill through your room. You got goosebumps and shook slightly. Instantly Josh wrapped his arm around your side and pulled you into his chest. His delicious cologne still lingering on his body. His warmth and the comfort of his touch had you sleeping almost instantaneously.

“Goodnight y/n” he said softly, his fingers tracing a pattern on your back.

“Goodnight Josh” you reply tiredly. You wondered what Jake and your friend were doing, they must have fallen asleep or were watching a movie because you couldn't hear them in the living room, you fell asleep trying to decide.

You were jolted awake by Josh who jumped out of your bed.

“What's wrong?” you ask as you sit up rubbing your eyes. You could hear him quickly pulling his jeans back on .

“Hey, go back to sleep, I just, I have to go,” he says, putting his shirt on.

“It's your girlfriend isn't it?” you question, he sighs and sits on your bed.

“Yea she called me like twenty times, it's already 10am….I should go” he says reluctantly. You nod, you didn't want him to leave but it really wasn't up to you.

“Okay” you say softly

“Hey….” he says getting closer to you, his fingers gently grab your face and he kisses you passionately. His lips are soft and hungry, he leans over you slightly as if he's trying to savor every last taste of you, but the two of you battle for power, he wins. His thumb strokes your cheek and he pulls away softly, your face still in his hands, your foreheads rested gently against each other’s. His eyes searched yours for forgiveness.

“I'll text you as soon as I can” he assures. You nod as he gets off your bed and heads for the door. He offers you one last smile before he disappears down the hall. You fall back on your pillow with an exhausted sigh. His warmth still imprinted on the sheets and his smell still drifting through the air.

#flower power part 2 #flower power #josh kiszka #josh kiszka imagine #greta van fleet #gretavanfleet