#i feel the disappointment of everyone in me because i should be stronger i should be at work but my body gets ill so easily and i suck | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bibibbon · 3 days

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MHA CH 421 rambles

Ok so this was a chapter ok. Iam personally not a fan of what happend here but you do you.

I hated AFO's little monologue. introspection thingy and to be honest sukuna does it better. Look Iam critical of both jjk and MHA as they fail in their own aspects on certain things but dam I couldn't care less for AFO and his monologue I seriously couldn't. Yoichi as already dead and if AFO's goal was to be a supervillain from a comic and to reunite with yoichi then why not just idk get the doctor to do it for him or just die to reunite with AFO 🤷‍♀️. His whole thing about tragedy making people stronger or him not feeling anything didn't even hit well because his development sucks and him coming back feels repetitive anyway

Sero getting to respond to the things about tragedy felt so underwhelming I didn't like it. Sero throughout the whole and entire series lacked any screentime and development for him to be getting a big moment that should be given to another character feels like a horrible move. We seriously don't know of anything that has affected sero aka hurt him directly in the manga (aka something just him) so it all feels underwhelming and disappointing. Unironically, I feel like sero should of been one of those characters who left the story or just stayed as a minor character because hori is trying to develop and give him importance way too late into the story.

Where is inko?!?!?! So we see everyone heck we see the civilians, gran Torino, Kota and Eri all comment and hope for izuku to do something but inko his own mother isn't present. Now this probably means something bad is happening or will happen to inko but if nothing happens and she isn't present then dam classic neglectful inko strikes again ig or if they make it a gag that she fainted out of stress i will just hate it even more

I hate that this is something out of the endgame and if hori was trying to be like gege by making everyone join it felt rubbish. Iam not a fan and I mean it I HATE the whole everyone joining in to fight AFO together type thing and I just do. To me it's Izuku's time to shine and people take down villains and do their jobs in other areas at this point everyone is doing more damage to AFO than Izuku who hasn't even landed a hit on izuku. Also why is it that character like Todorokis who have had their big moments here?!?!? It seems like this is a fight where hori is trying to make everyone have a moment before Izuku lands the final hit which doesn't sit right with me. Like there are characters here who have already had their moments like jirou, camie, yuuga, asui, mina and way more but they're here to ... Assist in the fight have another big moment and make AFO more of a potato character then a proper scary villain

present mic is back which I love. One of the good things is that present mic is alive, it's good to have confirmation of that

Even though I think erasers writing is heavily flawed at least someone is holding Izuku. At least izuku is getting something , some comfort out here at least someone is holding him but dam this seems like a disservice all of this seems like a disservice to izuku. Like I wonder do the civilians feel guilty does anyone feel sad or guilty for having this 16 year old child fight something way bigger than him in the name of peace and other peoples safety?

I think the whole thing with Izuku getting that guy's shirt is rubbish and underwhelming. It just doesn't sit right with me, that guy's shirt would of probably been dirty as hell considering it's the only thing we have seen him wearing. Like @mikeellee told me it would of been more impactful if the shirt was given to izuku and that guy had a healing quirk or helped izuku more directly. Now I get that this is supposed to make the guy more likable and show that he ahs developed which we can see and dam hori can actually give some decent development when he wants to but it all falls flat and doesn't do much for me. Also I have seen someone say that izuku wearing this shirt and it covering his upper half is showing how he is losing his ability to be a hero and dam that breaks me.

I can't with the Izuku running to the battlefield and the parallels kill me (we haven't really developed/moved on from chapter one considering the story just loops around itself). Izuku running towards danger quirkless thinking that it's his job because people who were supposed to help and protect him failed. Izuku now quirkless with only the tiny and fading embers of OFA thinning trying to defeat OFA with the damage of kudos quirk still effecting him. All of this to protect others to help them something he never got during the past. This fight will probably parallel all might but all of this happening and I feel nothing all of it falls flat and I feel bad for izuku that's it.

It was a chapter and considering how I hated previous writing decisions I was also gonna hate on the developed/expanded writing decisions either way

#mha critical #bnha critical #mha #hori is a bad writer #horikoshi critical #izuku deserves better #bhna critical #bnha #mha 421 #bnha 421

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honeyed-disgraceful · 2 years

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Relating to boulevard of broken dreams unironically. That's how bad it is lmao

#whatever helps me cope i guess #my friend looked at me after i sliced my finger with a knife by mistake and was like "lu today really isnt your day #it hasn't been my day for a month now #literally only bad things keep happening #and no im not talking about cutting myself by mistake #im talking about literally everything crashing down #and i feel so far away from everyone that matters right now #the only people i wish would care feel so far away #im gonna be better when im healed. at least ill be stronger to do what i have to do and i wont feel so weak and powerless #it's just that every time i close my eyes i see that ditch i see my workplace i see the hospital room and the tubes #i see everything i will never be able to reach i see the texts i left unanswered #i feel the disappointment of everyone in me because i should be stronger i should be at work but my body gets ill so easily and i suck #the only person i want to see right now is my best friend whos hundreds of kilometres away.#i feel so dizzy and in pain and lonely and like such a disappointment #misc

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kaicubus · 1 year

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Distraction | Xavier T.

warnings ✩° : mutual pining, angry(?) confession, teasing, competition, cursing, rivals to lovers, both reader and xavier are 17-18 years old, fluff but also a tad spice.

pairing ✩° : xavier thorpe x fem!reader

premise ✩° : on the day of the annual poe cup, you're put against your academic rival, xavier thorpe, and you don't want to lose. however, he has other plans of getting the upper hand with you and knows exactly how to get his way. hes knocking out two birds with one stone, if you will.

word count ✩° : 3.4k

authors note ✩° : this was done in literally a few hours bc i’m obsessed and it needs to be addressed.

The rules were simple.

They always have been. Follow what the people in charge told you and don't disappoint. If you disappoint them then you disappoint the whole community and what good are you if you're a disappointment. It was hard not to see school, ground zero for being the best, as a competition. In fact, you thrived working towards a goal of being superior than everyone else; maybe it was due to the fact that no matter what was put in front of you, you could understand it and write it off as done as soon as you wrote your name. However, there were some things you didn't get at times and that frustrated you.

Over the time you’ve known him, it’s been test after test, assignment after assignment, obscure experiment after obscure experiment to prove to this seemingly effortlessly perfect creature that you’re better than him, only for you to miss his mark by one. point.

“Maybe you should think less about being better than me and more about the material, Y/n.” Xavier would say, “But don’t worry, you ALMOST got the same score as me.”

It wasn't his snarky comments or obviously stronger memory than you that made you over the top angry, no, it was the fact that you couldn't understand how he was doing it. Nothing made sense and the feeling of not knowing made looking into his stupid hazel eyes, gazing at his sharp and defined side profile, and wispy long hair all the more annoying. Everything has to have answers. So why did he make your throat tighten every time you spoke to him? Or your face flush with dark shades of pink and red? It had to be anger. There was no other explanation.

All of the rivalry would eventually lead you both up to the annual Poe Cup. A boat race amongst four teams, five members from each house all stuck together on their respective hand crafted boats each representing a different Edgar Allen Poe poem.

You're on The Black Cat team while Xavier’s on The Amontillado team. For a whole week you spend with your team, preparing for the race and to utterly destroy Xavier because this will finally prove to yourself that you’re good at him at something.

“You ready to beat the shit out of Xavier, Y/n?” Your friend who knows your rivalry with the guy smiles at you, “Once WE have that cup he has to realize that all he is to you, is dirt.” She was right.

“Relax, F/n, why ruin my chances with excitement when I can take all of that and shove it in his face at the very end.”

Your other team mate taps you both on your shoulders, “You guys ready? It’s almost time.” With that, you watch everyone file into their boats, Xavier included, and so you and your friend make your way into your own seats. However, just before you adjust your headband on your head, you decide to catch a glimpse of the destined losers on each side of you. Though no one else is important right now other than seeing him, so you give a side eyed glance in Xavier’s direction.

To your surprise, not only is he already looking at you, but, “Is he laughing at me?”

Your friend looks towards Xavier as well and scoffs, “Yeah,” She confirms, “Looks like they all are. Fucking clowns.”

As you chew on the inside of your cheek out of anger, a sudden whistle blows from Ms. Weems accompanied by a large megaphone that amplifies her voice as she speaks.

You can tell out of the corner of your eye that ever since your friend had rudely thrusted her middle finger into the sky for all the jesters to see, Xavier hadn't stopped looking at you. His eyes, laser focused, burned into the side of your head and it only made you more anxious for the race. You bite your lip ever so slightly and fight back the urge to look at him too.

Thankfully, you're saved by a gunshot that explodes into the air and suddenly your team gets pushed into the water.

Of all things, why should you be thinking about Xavier Thorpe and what he has to say or look at you for? All this time, you've convinced yourself that you could care less what he thinks of you. After all, the reason you're trying so hard to be better than him is the very reason that motivates you every day to get up and face him. Otherwise, you'd be locked away in your dorm with nothing to do but attend class and repeat the cycle. In a way, he was your reason to wake up.

“Y/N! Duck!” Your friend suddenly snaps you out of your mechanical like motions of rowing as hard as possible. Wasting no time, you dodge the flying axe coming your way by a hair. “What the hell?! Y/n, focus!”

“I am focused, F/n.”

“No, you're not. You got that lost look in your eyes. Stop thinking about Xavier and maybe pay attention to all the objects being thrown around at us? So you don't die, and most importantly, so we can win this for our hall?”

For the rest of the distance from the starting line to the other end of the lake, you try not to look behind you as looking behind you would only distract you from the prize. All of your team puts in their all in rowing as fast as they can together in sync, each arm pushing at the exact same second as everyone else to really glide through the water. Despite nets being tossed, siren students diving under boats and tipping them over, and very small fire crackers being thrown into other boats, three teams are left remaining to the next stage of the race. Getting the flag.

“Go go go!” F/n pushes you up, “Get the black flag. We’ll be waiting here to look out for anybody.”

Not wanting to waste anymore time, you nod and start sprinting directly into the old, creaky forest. Dry leaves crunch under your feet in threes, making their crinkles the only noise in the entire forest. That’s good, you think, that means no one else came yet. Quickly jumping over logs and rocks, you make your way to the flag destination, only to see that your black flag is missing.

“What the—”

“Hey,” a voice calls out from behind you, “Looking for something?”

The cheesy line doesn't go without an eye roll as you turn around, “Xavier.”

“You don't seem too happy to see me.” Your rival stands with a shit eating grin on his face, comically extenuated with crimson, drippy paint.

You're quick to reply, “I'm not. You took my flag which I need to win this. So hand it over, Thorpe.”

He raises his hands and allows you to charge up to him just close enough so that you're barely touching the tips of his pointed shoes with your jet black boots. “What? Who says I have your flag? I JUST got here in case you hadn't noticed.”

“I actually haven't noticed. Because why would I stop to care about where you are?”

“You seemed to care when we first started.” Xavier leans down and twists his head slightly, just enough for you to be caught off guard and step back, “I saw you looking at me.” His tone makes you shrink back.

Heat rushes to your face in a fleeting panic and almost immediately, your chest twists your rib cage hard enough to squeak out, “I WASN'T LOOKING AT YOU! YOU were looking at ME!”

Xavier raises his brows and chuckles, “I remember differently.”

Of course he has to be cocky now. “Look, Xavier. Just forget this and let me go. Your gross sweat is getting all over me.”

“Oh is that so?”

“YESNOWLETGO.”

He snickers at your flustered nature but decides to go the extra mile and tease you further, “You do realize that we all have to get back, Y/n, its kinda the whole reason why we made it here. Though it looks like its just the two of us.” He turns to both of his sides and then directs his attention back to you, “I’d say we have a little time.”

Again, you emphasize, “WE don't have time. Unlike you, I actually WANT to win. Xavier, I don't know what your deal is or why you're so obsessed with me and making me look like a complete and utter fool, but once I win this for my team, it ends. Do you understand me?”

Xavier exhales deeply, “You know, for someone who’s so high strung and smart, you're really dumb, aren't you?”

“What?”

He steps forward, causing you to back into a tree. You can feel the roughness of the tree bark as it etches its way across the backside of your suit, causing a mildly discomforting feeling that shivers throughout your skin. Before you can move forward, Xavier steps closer, basically eliminating any means of escaping.

“Why am I so obsessed with you? Is that what you think this is? Obsession?”

You look up at him to find his naturally tall stature hunched over to be at eye level with you. Surely, if anyone to walk into the scene, they’d think you two were stopping the competition just to make out. Even though Xavier’s hand is firmly pressed just between your ear and shoulder and he was just over an inch close to you so that your noses are barley touching, it’s not like that at all. Yet, at least.

“That’s what I just asked.” Your eyebrows stitch together bitterly, “Can you not hear, clown? You don’t understand how hard it is for me to watch my reputation die because of you and your perfect grades and your perfect art. What makes you think you can just parade yourself around to be better than me?!” The questions leave a burning sensation in your throat.

“Reputation? Grades? Is that what this is about?”

“YES! Are you DENSE?!”

Instead of matching your violent glower, you watch as the clown leans his head to the side in laughter. His lips parting just enough so you can see his sharp teeth laugh at you too, “Y/n, did you just call me dense? What is that? An insult? At least I’m not the one who always scores lower than me.”

Embarrassment? Anger? Nervousness? Why was his laugh the thing to make you feel weak now? Maybe the first two are theories, but the third is a definite fact. Your eyes are quickly drawn in by his hazel pupils, curious and dilated as they stare back at you. For a moment, the silence between you two isnt filled with hate or rivalry, but peace. That is until he lets out a breathy laugh after getting a good look at your calm face for once.

“Y/n, cat got your tongue? Or do you just not have anything else to say to me other than ‘I hate you’ and ‘stop being better than me’?” He points a finger to your feline head accessory.

"Shut up.” You bark, “Dumb isn’t really a good insult either. You are so full of shit—"

Xavier moves closer, now toe to toe with you and just a breath away from your face.

“God, Y/n, cant you see that I like you? All this time I thought it was so obvious. I mean, how are you going to tell people you're the smartest person in the room when you cant even pick up on subtle hints that basically spell it out for you?” He says, “Or are you too busy to notice anyone other than yourself?”

His words cause your heart to pound once, twice, and before you know it you can’t hear anything but the thumping in your chest and the soft winds surrounding you both. Xavier parts his lips again, determined to give you the answers you've been so desperately searching for.

“Do you know how fucking exhausting it is to pretend I hate you back, just to have the opportunity to talk to you?” His tone is exasperated and shallow, but he doesn't break eye contact with you, “You seriously thought all those times we got close was because I wanted to be ‘better’ than you in some subject?” Almost like he doesn't believe you, Xavier shakes his head in disapproval, “The only time Ive wanted to prove to you I'm worth something is now.”

His confession only fills your head with more questions, “That doesn't even make any sense! How can you say you didn't actually want to be better than me when that's all you did?” You feel the heat saturate into a dark pink that settles into your cheeks, “And why are you telling me all this now? Why are you so adamant on telling me that you—”

Xavier doesn't even acknowledge your questions, he just continues to hold a burning tension between you and him, focusing only on one thing.

Fuck.

Maybe its the fact hes so close, or that he told you hes liked you all this time, but right now it feels like nothings stopping you from telling him too. It just feels so right.

Before you know it, your mouth opens on its own, your bottom lip trembling for just a second. Xavier’s eyes trail down to your lips, then back into your eyes, and a small smirk pulls the corner of his ivory painted skin up.

Without another second to lose, Xavier tilts even closer than he thought he’d ever be to you and cups your cheek, finding the courage you both need to pull you into an unexpected kiss.

The pastiness of your rival’s white face paint rubs against your dewy skin as the taste of him spreads across your pallet, rough, warm, and agonizingly slow. With a gentle hand, you bunch the back of Xavier’s thin yet airy suit and fall into him, curving just enough so he can extend his hold on you.

Xavier knew that he wanted to touch you. It’s basically been his dream ever since he got close to you and seemingly hurdled himself into being your rival. But he’d never admit that. Or maybe, now he would. Gently, Xavier clasps onto your hips more carefully, securely rubbing his fingers against the skin tight latex uniform you were forced to wear which gives him enough grip to hook his desperate palms onto your body.

You break away for a second, just long enough to look at his face and how mesmerized he is by you and just how fucked you are in this downward spiral of messy feelings and requited love. Love you are much too afraid to commit to. But, Xavier pulls you back into his lips and makes you forget all of your worries, even the one you're supposed to be most worried about.

The kiss practically captures you for what seems like an eternity, erasing all memory of the Poe Cup and time spent hating Xavier's guts only to now realize that that hate may have been fueled by a painfully simple crush. But you wouldn't admit that either. Though, now there’s no other explanation to the methods behind your madness.

Soon enough, your hands find their rightful place in his long, messy hair, scooting his jester cap off easily. Had you known his hair was this soft before? You always told yourself you didn't care but now it was too hypnotizing not to twirl your fingers in. In fact, it’s practically asking you to grab it and play with it, screaming at you to touch it, touch him.

Xavier’s hips press into yours, giving you the go ahead to adjust your position so that your thigh is comfortably resting atop his hip. The stance feels too natural to be normal, and you're both caught off guard by it. Yet, you continue to taste him and feel him up close without another thought.

Nipping at your bottom lip, you can feel Xavier let out a sigh of relief, as if kissing you has been something on his mind for years. Only half of that could be true. Still, his victory cheer makes you do your own version with a quieter huff.

You give the roots of his hair a tight squeeze before your shoulders relax and another sigh escapes from your now open mouth. The force of his lips smashing against yours pushes you back successfully, leaving each part of your body to surrender to his. For once, you let it and as much as you hate to admit it, whatever he was doing was working.

When he finally pulls away, your breath is harsh and so is his. No matter how hard you could try, looking away from his hazy eyes was not an option. Just like the fog around you both, his gaze is inescapable and suffocating. You knew kissing your rival was a bad idea, but neither one of you want to move your hands from their proper places on each other.

Just then, a distant voice calls out to Xavier that snaps you out of your absentmindedness. “Shit,” Xavier curses softly against your lips, “Thanks for that Y/n,” he pulls away, much to your hidden displeasure, “But...I have a cup to win.”

Suddenly, it all comes hurdling back.

“FUCK! THE RACE!” You tear yourself away from Xavier, breaking the warmth between you both, and scramble to find your flag, “YOU CONNIVING SON OF A BITCH. YOU DISTRACTED ME!”

“I hope you don't mind but I actually sort of hid it.” He grins slyly at you, straightening his suit with a swift rub on his chest, “No rules, remember?” He pulls out a flag from behind him and snickers. Has he had that this entire time?

A flash of surging anger fumes inside of your chest, but Xavier just smiles. In his mind, it’s almost laughable how you fell for his devious yet successful confession slash plan. It was too good to pass up. And judging by the sour pout on your face, it worked!

“Y/n,” He chirps, “Was I a good distraction?” He can’t help but ask.

You avoid his gaze and turn your head to other possible directions your flag can be in, “You're the worst, Xavier.”

He runs a hand through his brown hair and smooths it down, “Right, right. You hate me. But I got you pretty good, didn’t I?” He picks up his jester cap and lazily smashes it onto the top of his head, “I'm gonna go, but, you should totally meet me in my dorm tonight? At 8?”

He makes his hasty exit before you can reply, leaving you breathless and weak in the knees—mostly tight fisted and furious, but still, weak in the knees.

“So, Y/n. Do you want to explain why you...left for so long..?” Your teammate asks, kind of scared to ask in the first place but confusion was eating her alive. How fitting.

Instead of answering, you reply with strong and swift robotic motions that quickly thunk your boat along the shore line, taking a good chunk out of the grass and soil. Unfortunately, half way through your synchronized rowing, some water kicked up into the boat and soaked your costume. You didn't care though. All you wanted was Xavier.

And his head on a stick.

Sounds of congratulatory cheers erupt from the crowd as Xavier and the rest of his jester-like teammates hold up the Poe Cup trophy together.

“Bitch.” Is all you can say when all your other teammates wash up next to you, sad, defeated, and soaked with murky lake water.

“Well get them next time, Y/n. Don’t be so hard on yourself!” Your friend smiles happily.

Yeah. Tonight.

#wednesday #wednesday addams #wednesday fanfic #wednesday series #wednesday fic #wednesday xavier #xavier thorpe #xavier thorpe x reader #xavier thorpe x y/n #xavier thorpe fanfic #wednesday netflix #kaicubus

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euphoricimagination · 4 months

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Bad Habits

Feat. Aoba Johsai

When you joined the team on your second year, after Iwaizumi had asked you for help to deal with the new first year, everything started normally, you didn’t have any problems whatsoever and got along with everyone amazingly good. But it was by the end of the year that you started to fall into your more unhealthy habits. Habits that had appeared since you entered high school, but that became stronger now that you had to care for the team too

You knew it was due stress, the end of the year was always full of things and you were terrible at managing it properly. You had started to stay up until much later, studying or working on project until way too late, barely sleeping 3 hours at max; because of that, you started to feel incredibly tired through the day, leading you into buying energy drinks often to keep you awake, on your worst days you could easily chug down 4 a day with no issues; also because of your lack of sleep, your eye bags started to become more noticeable, not even concealer being able to cover them properly; and worst of all, because of the stress, you occasionally ended up smoking, and while not an often thing, you still do it

You were able to hide it from the team for a while, but the more the end of the year comes closer, the more noticeable it became.

The first one that notice was Oikawa, who could smell the smoke in your clothes in one of his hugs, but he shrugged it off since he thought it was from one of your friends that was known for smoking. Then Iwaizumi noticed the energy drinks, especially when in one day he saw you drink it at lunch, then before starting practice and then buying two more after you part ways; but again, he shrugged it off since sometimes he has rough days too. Then Kindaichi found you sleeping in a weird position on your classroom, surprised you could even sleep like that

It wasn’t until Kunimi said something on the changing room that they started to connect things together

“Did you guys knew that Yn-san smokes?” he asks

“Yn-chan? She doesn’t, her friend does though, that’s why she smells like that sometimes” Oikawa answers

“No, no, I saw her outside with a cigarette and a energy drink…she honestly looked miserable” Kunimi adds

“Energy drink? Again? She had one at lunch” Hanamaki adds

“yeah, and she arrived with one in the morning” Matsukawa says now. They stayed silent for a few seconds, everyone thinking

“That idiot” Iwaizumi sighs “she’s stressed”

“eh? How do you know?”

“Last year I saw her smoking, I scolded her and made her promise to tell me if she needed help or anything. I hadn’t thought that she fell back on it, I should have realized when I saw her with those energy drinks” Iwaizumi sighs again, looking disappointed

“Well, she does drink them from time to time, but now she seems to be abusing it. Don’t beat yourself up for it, man” Matsukawa says as they go out the room, you were already standing there, looking at the clipboard attentively. Iwaizumi walks towards you and yanks you away from the coaches, the whole team in front of you

“So, Yn-chan, something to tell us?” oikawa looks at you, his hands on his hips

“Ehhh…nope, not really” you say confused

“I see. You know, health is the most important thing, you always tell me to not overwork myself”

“what shittykawa wants to say is, we know about your…unhealthy habits, are you stressed out? Why didn’t you tell me? Tell us?” Iwaizumi asks you

“I…I didn’t want to trouble you, that’s all”

“idiot” Iwaizumi flicks your forehead “Stop smoking, Yn-chan, and sleep more, you look terrible”

“you can drink some energy drinks here and there, but don’t abuse it” Oikawa adds

“I hate that this is coming from you out of everyone” you say, making him squint his eyes

“We love you, so take care of you just like you take care of us” Matsukawa says, all of the team hugging you tightly.

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suchawrathfullamb · 5 months

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Hannibal Lecter as The Devil

Our fandom usually ignores key elements that were said about the characters, especially the ones that state very clearly that the show is not the same as the books or movies. And the one thing that usually gets mixed up the most is, of course, Hannibal's past and even his very essence.

Our Hannibal is the devil. Apparently literally so. He is not the way he is because of his past trauma. He even says so in the show but most people dismiss it as him being avoidant. No. Literally. Nothing happened to him, he happened.

This is why some fans get so confused about the character's actions and motives, because they are ignoring this very important aspect: he is the devil, he is not some traumatized guy. Don't fight me on it, I'm just communicating what the creator and Mads himself have said. But when you take this into consideration it actually makes everything more interesting, fascinating and makes a lot more sense, too.

The devil despised humanity, or, thought he was superior. This is Hannibal. He sees himself as above everyone else, and in the show, he actually is, as this isn't a neurosis or complex, but who he is. Human emotions are weaknesses because they make you suffer, prone to error and vulnerable. This is why he goes insane when he falls in love with Will. He literally ate his sister simply because he loved her and loving her made him tender, therefore he "denied" his nature for her. He ate her in order to forgive her for committing this "crime". Didn't kill her, but had to consume her in order to put himself above his love for her.

When he falls for Will, he experiences a loss of control he never experienced before, as passion does, and he is the control king so naturally this makes him desperate and absolutely insane. This is why he does everything he does to Will, because he is trying to prove to himself that love isn't stronger than He is, that he is capable of following his nature and urges beyond his feelings for Will.

This is why that scene where he is crying after Will was put in prison, is so important, sooo important and most of us don't pay enough attention. Abigail wasn't dead, we thought he was crying for her, later we find out that she was safe and alive. Mads even confirmed but didn't have to because it becomes obvious then that he was crying for Will. But the dialogue is what makes the scene so important.

They're talking about having "kids":

He was disappointed when Will didn't immediately accept him once he found out the truth. He felt so betrayed and he felt like he failed guiding Will properly to accept himself and Hannibal. Framing Will was heartbreaking for him but he had to make himself do it to prove he was still in control. That he wouldn't let his feelings put him in a vulnerable position and risk his life and freedom (which he ultimately does in the end).

When he finally admits or realizes he is in love, that's when he does the unspeakable and tries to eat Will. Bryan confirmed he wasn't actually going to go through with it, but in the heat of emotion after feeling betrayed by Will yet again, he just reaches a new level of insanity.

Soon, he realizes what he's done and the rarity of him feeling regret happens (hence the time reversing attempt). This is why he surrenders. He wasn't being "petty", he was trying to show Will he truly loved him, also because that man cannot believe for the life of him that Hannibal, the devil himself, is capable of love. Which is ALSO why the jokes about him having to ask aren't actually congruent with canon. No one would realistically believe someone like Hannibal would be capable of love. No, he didn't know before asking Bedelia, Hugh already confirmed but if you pay attention to the show this should not have been the interpretation. Will literally fucks everything up BECAUSE he refuses to believe H loves him. Yes, the dream, etc etc, I already made a post explaining that scene, too. It's in the meta tags and called Will Graham and the Denial of Love, anyway, this is such a beautiful tale of the devil falling for a human, only to discover he actually fell in love with another fallen angel, and the act itself made him more human.

#hannibal meta #i love the religious elements in the show #very pretty and gothic #hannigram #nbc hannibal #hannibal #will graham #hugh dancy #murder husbands #hannibal lecter #mads mikkelsen

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pink-amethyst-tarot · 6 months

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♡ A L I C E I N W O N D E R L A N D ♡

Pick A Pile Reading ♡

General, Love, and What to look forward to readings for each pile.

Take What resonates and leave the rest and know that you're the one in control of your life at the end of the day. . . .

This PAP reading is inspired by my mutual and friend, @itsmealicehi

Thank you so much for the idea and for sharing your energy with me.

♡ P I L E 1 ~ P I L E 2 ~ P I L E 3 ♡

♡ p i l e 1 ♡ - Slow Down, you crazy child/ I can do bad all by myself

General: Four of Pentacles, Knight of Swords (Reversed), The Hanged Man, The Moon

Bottom of the Deck: Four of Wands

You might be feeling like there is no control in your life, so you are controlling the things that you can with an iron grip. Because of this, you have been punishing yourself, holding back your own progress. You may be presenting to the world that you have it all under control but on the inside, you feel like your life is falling apart. Right now, you are too in your own head. It's time to reach out to the person or people that you trust. Asl for advice or a helping hand. Right now, it's too hard to tell the forest from the trees. This is not the time to make decisions without care or thought. The life that you want is not that far out of reach. Slow Down. Don't forget to celebrate yourself.

Channeled Song: Vienna by Billy Joel

Love: Queen of Wands, Six of Pentacles (Reversed), Five of Cups, Eight of Pentacles

Bottom of the Deck: Ten of Pentacles

For those in a relationship: The relationship started out amazing and this person promised you everything you could have ever wanted. Now, it seems like you have to pull teeth just to get some attention. This person is giving you love kernels to keep you but never enough to satisfy you. You may feel like because you've put in all this time and effort, you should stick it out. When someone shows you who they are, it's in your best interest to believe them. This person may say they are going to change all the time. But have they put in any effort? Have they done a 180? Or are they doing enough to keep the peace and then going back to square one like a conversation was never had? If you stay, it will only lead to disappointment, dissatisfaction and resentment. I think this person is holding you back from being your best and happiest self. You don't need anyone's help when it comes to being miserable. You can do bad all by yourself.

For those who are single: This is a warning to watch out for people that want to use you and have an unbalanced union with you. It will only hold you back and leave you unhappy and unsatisfied.

Channeled song: I Can Do Bad All by Myself by Mary J. Blige (this song don't have a studio version and I'm still so upset about it! We need to call Tyler Perry and Mary J. Blige.)

What To Look Forward To: The Hermit, Seven of Swords, Two of Cups, Queen of Pentacles

Bottom of the Deck: Six of Pentacles

You have been moving in silence, making plans and moving strategically. You are crafting new opportunities, not just for yourself, but for people in your life. You will be giving gifts once you have reached your desired level of success. I think you are going to meet someone that adds to your success as well. Though this is romantic for some of you, that isn't the case for everyone so take it how it resonates with you. It will be like you can read each other's mind. I definitely this person is a part of your soul family.

♡ p i l e 2 ♡ - It'll be all over in the morning

General: Six of Wands, Wheel of Fortune, Two of Wands (Reversed), The Hierophant, Seven of Pentacles

Bottom of the Deck: Queen of Swords

The hardships that you have faced are over! Because you did not let them break you, it has made you better and stronger, despite all that you have been through. The tides are turning in your favor because you never gave up even when it seemed like things would never be any different. You kept your faith. You may feel hesitant to move forward because the unknown is scary and you've already faced so much adversity but, trust your intuition and reach out to your spirit guides. They love you and they are here for you. Know that you can move forward with protection, and you will be led to abundance and long-term successes.

Channeled Song: Ain't No Need To Worry by The Winans (I will say this is a gospel song, so if you think that will trigger you as someone with religous trauma, don't listen to it.)

ain't no need to worry bout // what the night is gonna bring // it'll be all over in the morning //

Love: Nine of Pentacles, Six of Cups, Judgement (Reversed), King of Pentacles, Six of Wands (Reversed)

It seems like you are happy being single but it looks like you are getting an offer from someone kind, maybe someone from your past. In my mind, I see someone that was a close childhood friend or maybe you went to school with and you knew or knew of each other. Don't be too harsh on this person. It's good to have high standard and knowing your worth, but no one is perfect. Even perfect fruit can have bruises. Even if this person is everything you ever wanted and dreamed of, they are still a person that is living life, just like you. Know that this person is great and great for you, flaws and all. You will feel cared for, loved, safe and so much more. There is a change you will let your ego get in the way. Don't let it. It will slow down the progress of your relationship or even ruin it all together. Know that letting your ego in the way means losing the love that you so deeply deserve. You are safe with this person. Let your guard down.

Channeled Song: Renegade by Big Time Machine ft Taylor Swift (This channeled song is a little different because it's from your person to you.)

are you really gonna talk about timing in times like these? // and let all your damage damage me? // and carry your baggage up my street? // and make me your future history? //

What to Look Forward To: Ace of Pentacles, Six of Wands (Reversed), Ten of Pentacles (Reversed), Queen of Wands, Temprance (Reversed), Justice

You have some exciting new opportunities coming up as well as some things from the past you have to finally acknowledge. This is going to shake up your world. I think you may want to do some self care at this time. Grounding yourself will be really important. Know that whatever this is, you can handle this. You have been through worse. You are strong and capable. You are going to feel unbalanced and like you need to rush to make a decision. Other people may be pushing you to make a decision. Don't worry about that or about them. Take your time and do what is best for you. You will get all that you deserve; all that you have worked for.

♡ p i l e 3 ♡ - You're built different

General: Temprance, Ten of Pentacles (Reversed), Queen of Wands, The Devil (Reversed), Justice

Bottom of the Deck: Two of Pentacles

You don't need to be what others want you to be. I see that, right now, you are at peace and balanced but you're being pressured, either by other people or by your own thoughts, to "get yourself together". The thing is though, YOU ALREADY HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER! You are doing things in an unconventional way and that freaks people out and makes them worried because they can't gage the likely outcome. That's not any of their business and you can't make how they feel about your life your problem. Stay on the path you are on if that is what will make you happy. Be confident in your choices. Act courageously even when you are terrified. The things that are meant for you will find you. The life you want may not be the status quo, but it's yours. Isn't the enough?

Love: King of Pentacles, Seven of Cups (Reversed), Five of Wands, Ace of Pentacles, Five of Pentacles, Queen of Cups

Someone is coming in to offer you a long-term commitment. In the past, you have been offered similar offers, only to end up in tense relationships where you ended up estranged and distant. This new person is different, and I think you are going to be able to tell. This will be something so new and so different. This relationship will be nurturing for the both of you. This will be one for the books. This person that is coming in is your soulmate and you will be shocked by how much a person's life can change just by meeting someone.

What to Look Forward To: Five of Swords (Reversed), Ten of Pentacles, King of Swords, King of Pentacles, Queen of Pentacles, Two of Wands

You've been doing shadow work and making changes, healing your inner wounds. That hard work is contributing to your long-term success and will help you clearly see the path that you are meant to take. Self-discipline is important but you are being asked to watch out for signs of perfectionism. It's not about the destination but about the journey. Speaking of journey, the stability that you have cultivated, you are ready to put your ideas into motion by making plans at this time. You can achieve the goals you have desired to achieve for a long time.

You can get a person Alice in Wonderland reading from my Etsy shop, PinkAmethystTarot

Page divider credit to: @reveriesources

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. THESE READINGS ARE FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. no guarantees are implied. These readings are not a substitute or replacement for any professional help or services. My readings are not a substitute for any form of professional legal, medical/psychiatric, relationship, religious/spiritual or financial/ business advice nor consultations. You should always see a professional legal/trained adviser for help in any matter. I am not responsible for any decisions/ actions you take.

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noskipnotability · 1 month

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Hidden in the Papers

Prof!Alex x Prof!Reader

Summary: Headcannons and a drabble of you and (the Car era) Alex being married and professors

A/N: I thought this would be cute after I saw all the stud!reader and prof!alex one shots on here. I might do a part two of these or a full thing, who knows

Alex teaches English classes and you history, so you’re in the same building.

He is constantly walking in on your lectures just to watch you teach. Or leaving something in your room/bag so he has an excuse to see you.

You are everyone’s favourite professors and most of your students come to you two for help or advice.

Somehow, you both managed to convince the university to let you co-teach classes and those are your favourite lectures. They also happen to have the most enrollments, many students disappointed when they don’t make it in.

After school, one of you will sneak into the other’s room while their grading.

Alex’s arms wrap around you from behind and he presses sweet kisses to your neck, his lips leaving a missing sensation with each move. You sigh at the warm feeling spreading through you and lean back to place a kiss on his lips.

Your neck had been killing you from where you hunched over while grading the papers your students had handed in. It was a common pain you and Alex both shared during those nights you would spend working late. But, you both made the agreement to find relief in the other when you exchanged rings on that fateful day.

His nose now pressed into your shoulder where he snuggled into you, his foot reaching out to pull over the extra chair just for him, much like the one he kept for you. He hummed, lifting his head and resting his chin atop your shoulder, “How are the papers?”

His voice was low with a slight rasp from the tiring day of lecturing. He could feel his eyes shutting and sleep overcome him simply by being in your presence. You turned your head, your face less than an inch from the side of his, “Better than last time. I think Lars really liked going over Marx the other day, he has a real passion for governments. It really comes through in his writing, you should recommend him some books, hun.”

With his eyes shut and long lashes laying above his cheeks, he smirks, “Your kids are killing me with these recommendations, I only have so many books to give their way,” he chuckles. He wraps his arms from around your shoulder to your left arm that rested on your chair. He holds on tightly as he fights off his exhaustion, you struggling to fight your own.

It was almost eight and you had both yet to leave the school, Alex had thankfully finished with his own work early and that only left your last two papers before you left. It wasn’t the smartest idea to dim the lights of your classroom because they only lolled you to falling asleep. You lean back and Alex lays his head onto your chest as best he could in the chairs. His hair brushes against the bottom of your chin and he places a light kiss on your collarbone. The want to fall into unconsciousness for the night beside your husband grows stronger with each second that passes.

Alex’s sweater feels like clouds and his body heats warms you in the otherwise freezing room. No matter how hard you tried, nobody could make it the right temperature and it was always too hot or too cold. It wouldn’t be the first time the two of you fell asleep in class, only to be awoken to your students piling in for a lecture or security doing the rounds at night. And it definitely wasn’t going to be the last.

The old man’s (I say lovingly) eyesight had gotten worse over time and he started stealing your reading glasses whenever he had to work or read. When you first saw him wearing them while reading in bed, you melted at the image of small hairs falling over the frames. Not to mention how good his arms looked cuddled up under the blankets. The lamp’s light cast an orange on his face that matched the sweetness he exuded.

When he looked up and caught you staring at him, he went all wide-eyed and his soft lips parted in surprise. He rushed out some excuse but you just dismissed him as you crawled up the bed into his lap, placing a long and passionate kiss onto those lips. You whispered something about taking him to an eye exam so he wouldn’t butcher his sight even more using the wrong prescription.

On top of walking in on your classes randomly he will occasionally show up with lunch and you would both sit on a rug you kept in your class as some sort of indoors picnic. There have been many times where someone would walk in with a question on the work or for whatever reason and you guys would have to try and explain what was going on.

You shared office hours, of course, and would trade off who you would help. Sometimes you helping his students and him yours, as you both shared love for the others subjects and both have had to endure long rants about niche topics.

All in all, it’s very cute and he is so in love.

#alex turner #arctic monkeys #alex turner x reader #alex turner fluff

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hero-israel · 3 months

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So I've seen a lot of talk from people who allow that Israel was justified to attack Gaza after October 7th, but they feel that Israel still attacked too indiscriminately, killed too many Palestinians, and destroyed too much of Gaza. Two particular hangups I've seen most commonly are the idea that Israel should have done a "tactical counter-terrorism" action rather than a ground invasion, and a specific objection to Israel dropping 2000 pound bombs on Gaza specifically. I don't feel that I know enough about military tactics, so I don't know how legitimate it would have been for Israel to go into Gaza "tactically" or to drop smaller bombs, but I suspect Hamas would be a lot stronger than it is currently, and the same people would still be tut-tutting Israel's actions (if not calling them out with equal outrage). It's very frustrating

Everyone wants a better alternative but nobody describes what it is. Reminds me of the recent post about the Houthis - "don't bomb them, you need to find a way to get rid of the Red Sea embargo that only kills the badguys and nobody else." Okay, I'll just ask the genie of the lamp to magic them away. There are no options for going into Gaza that aren't utterly horrible. Hamas knows this, it was the whole point of their trap, and it is working.

Here's a fair-minded, moving essay by a Gazan Palestinian saying Israel needs "targeted, low-intensity, long-term operation[s] that could sustainably reduce Hamas’ military capabilities and create conditions to introduce a new administration in Gaza," and also admitting "tunnel warfare is dirty, complicated, costly and requires lengthy efforts and campaigns, not the short and swift operations upon which Israel’s military doctrine is built."

IOW, "go in and kill Hamas and destroy everything they have - but don't kill anybody else. Find a way to do it slower and smaller and neater, but still make sure you win."

It doesn't work that way. The tunnels are obviously boobytrapped, how are you supposed to order men in? The problem isn't expense, the problem is failure. Also a slow, prolonged ground campaign would require a lasting re-occupation, another lose-lose. Israel has purportedly been using the 2,000 pound bombs as bunker-busters to collapse the tunnels - maybe that's working, but it also kills the hell out of people on the surface, again part of the trap. I am disappointed that the IDF hadn't spent every waking hour the last decade building some technical gizmo that could make the tunnels uninhabitable, some kind of seismic or ultrasonic whatzit. I said a while back that I was in favor of flooding the tunnels and fixing the environmental consequences later. I've got messages in my inbox now urging me not to take that stance, that Israel should not be seen as "salting the earth," but it doesn't matter since it seems Israel isn't actually doing it, for whatever reason, so there's no point in a Tumblr blog taking a stance either way.

Tom Friedman is another useless Boomer leftover from the '90s and his "philosophy-of-cab-drivers" shtick is laughable, but he actually raised a good point here:

Netanyahu, I would argue, doesn’t want to win. He wants to be winning, OK, that is, he wants to be able to say, we’re winning. We’re winning. We’re winning. It’s just around the corner. But he doesn’t want to actually win because, if the war actually ends, two things are going to happen. Then he can no longer avoid what is the new political end state. And I believe there will be an eruption, a massive eruption, of Israeli anger at him that I hope and pray will drive him from power because I believe he is not only the worst leader in Israel’s history. I believe he’s the worst leader in Jewish history.

And that’s a long history. And what is Netanyahu’s calculation? It’s very simple. If he is not in power and has to face the conclusion of his trial and three corruption charges without the protection and influence that comes over the judiciary from being in power, he has a very good chance of going to jail. People forget. Israel jailed a president and a former prime minister. They’re not afraid to do that. And he does not want to go to jail. And he does not want to give up power.

And so this is a terrible situation where Israel is in a existential war, and its prime minister has basically dual loyalties, one to the state and one to himself. And at every turn, he is prioritizing himself.

I wish I could totally rule out the possibility that Netanyahu is going to try to drag this out until Trump's inauguration next year. I can't.

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shiftingparadise · 1 month

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Hi! Could you do a gojo x reader fic that is angtsy/hurt followed with a happy ending? I don’t have a particular plot in mind, anything you feel like writing I would love! Thank you :)

I’m sorry for the long wait. I still hope you like it! Enjoy reading 🤍✨

Word count: 2956

Warnings: none :)

“Want to hang out Satoruuuu?”, you playfully looked up at him. “No”, he remained as cold as ever. “Fine”, you tried to hide your disappointment with a smile, “Maybe tomorrow”. “I need to go”, Satoru took a sip from his soda before heading inside.

You watched how he happily greeted Shoko, offering a sip from his soda.

“Try it”, he laughed as he shoved the can in her face, “It’s a new flavor”. “I-I don’t want to”, Shoko frowned as she pulled back.

The sight of them laughing caused a piercing sensation in your chest. Satoru was friendly with everyone, in his own way of course, but never with you. You tried so hard for him to like you, but the more you tried, the more distant he got.

“What about you?”, you sighed with a smile. “Sushi?”, Suguru sweetly smiled. “Sushi”, your eyes lit up at the thought.

You often debated whether you should ask Suguru why his friend didn’t seemed to like you, but you were too afraid of the truth. Besides, it didn’t matter. There was nothing you could do. You couldn’t force someone to like you.

—-

“Stop!”, you giggled as Suguru softly hit the back of your head before looking at the sky again. “Are you talking to me?”, Suguru tilted his head, an innocent look on his face. “I swear to God-“, another soft smack against the back of your head. “I’m going to kill you”, you laughed as you tried punch your friend. “Me?”, Geto’s hand was resting on your forehead, preventing you from hitting a blow.

You didn’t know Gojo had been watching the two of you train for the past half hour. In fact, you didn’t even know Gojo was sitting across the field. At this point, he wanted nothing more than to pull his friend away from you and scold you. Not because you were annoying or because you were weak, but because you were flirting with his friend in front of his eyes. Sure, he never made it clear how he felt about you. He was aware how he treated you and what impression that left behind but still…

“Enough”, Suguru softly brushed through your hair, “I’m going to shower”. “Tsk, fine!”, you yelled as he walked away, “You’re just leaving because you know I’m stronger!”.

“Are you ever going to grow up?”, Satoru’s cold voice send shivers down your spine.

You didn’t see him coming, but that didn’t surprise you. He was, after all, the strongest sorcerer alive.

“You’re always laughing, fooling around, but have you actually finished a mission? Without the help of someone else?”, Satoru took your silence as an invite to continue. “You’re always relying on Shoko or Suguru to clean up your mess, to swoop in to save your ass… It’s pathetic”.

He didn’t know why he was being so mean. It’s not like it felt good to see your eyes well up in tears. No. It hurt him. So why… Why was he saying all this?

“I’m trying”, your nails pressed into the soft skin of your hands, leaving little moon-shaped marks behind. “Trying?”, Gojo chuckled, “You’re not trying. You’ve been fooling around with Suguru instead of using your time wisely”. “But we’ll train again and-“.

“You don’t think Suguru would fall for someone like you, right?”.

Silence.

“I’ve seen the way you look at him”, Gojo kept looking at you, despite you avoiding his gaze at all costs. “Don’t fool yourself. Suguru’s only your friend because he pities you”.

No. No. No. No. This wasn’t what he wanted to say at all. He wanted to tell you how jealous he was of his friend, how he would give up everything just for you to look at him with the same admiration in your eyes as with Suguru.

“Are you crying? Seriously? Is the truth that hard for you to swallow? I thought it was obvious but-“. “I’m sorry”, you finally looked up at him, tears streaming down your cheek. “I’m sorry I’m not enough”, you start to sob, black rivers on your cheek from your mascara.

Satoru’s eyes widened as his heart shattered into a million pieces. He did this. He crushed your spirit and the little confidence you had.

“Y/N-“, his voice soft as he watched you pick up your jacket. “I know. I’m a failure”, you continued to sob before walking inside.

Satoru watched as you walked inside, your arm in front of your eyes.

—-

“Why?”, Suguru gritted his teeth, his pace fast as he saw his friend. “Why would you hurt her like that? You know what I feel for her, how much I care-“, Geto tried to contain his anger. “You know how much I care about her”.

Satoru dropped the ball he was holding, completely ignoring Nanami’s presence (who was just happy to leave after losing 3 games of basketball in a row).

“I told her the truth”, Satoru immediately mirrored his friend’s energy.

He couldn’t stay calm, not when it’s about you.

“The truth?”, Geto’s eyes widened, “You told her I pitied her, that she’s pathetic-“. “She is”, Satoru’s hands balled into fists, “We always have to swoop in to save her ass. She can’t even finish off a Grade 4.“. “That still doesn’t give you the right to-“.

“You think I’m weak too?”, your voice shaking. “N-no, of course not!”, Suguru’s heart sank to his stomach. He didn’t realize you’d follow him. “Suguru”, you unwillingly started to sob again.

Satoru could only watch how his friend hurried toward you and wrapped his arms around you. It broke him. The realization that he could never be the one to bring you comfort; that he’d never be the one who made you smile.

“Y-you’re not weak”, Suguru’s digits softly wiped the tears from your cheek, “You’re technique’s just really hard, just like Shoko’s, and you’re even better at using reversed cursed technique than her-“.

Ah. There it was again. That look of love in your eyes, combined with that sweet smile of yours. It felt as if his heart was being ripped out from his chest.

“Come on, let’s get some sushi, okay?”, Suguru softly hummed as he placed a soft kiss on your cheek. “And you”, Suguru’s gaze hardened as he looked back at Satoru before leaving, “You’re going to apologize to her”. “Tsk”, Gojo clicked his tongue as he pretended to be unbothered by all this.

“Does he know?”, Nanami sighed. “Shit”, Gojo almost jumped into the air. He completely forgot Nanami was there too.

“Does Geto know?”, the blonde repeated his question. “What?”. “That you’re in love with her”.

How? How could he possibly now?

“No”, Satoru gritted his teeth, not even bothering to deny it. “Suguru’s been in love with her from the moment he saw her. I can’t-“, Satoru stopped mid-sentence.

It felt good that someone knew. That he could confide in someone.

“And you?”, Nanami let his head fall back. “From the first time she spoke my name”, he replied softly, his heart flooded with regret. “Why didn’t you tell Geto?”.

Because he could never give you what Suguru could; because he could never be as kind and soft-hearted; because he didn’t want you to become a target; because he didn’t want you to get hurt; because –

“Because”, Satoru just lifted his shoulders. He was done with this conversation. There was no point in talking about it anyway. By now, he had hurt you more than enough. There was no space for him in your life.

—

“Be careful, okay?”, you look at Suguru. “You too, Satoru”, you softly added. “Yeah, yeah”, Satoru waived your words away. “Don’t worry, we’ll be back by the end of the week. Besides, we’re the strongest”, Geto sweetly smiled.

God, you loved that man more than anything. However, that was ages ago. Or it felt like ages anyway. You never expected Suguru to become like this. So cold-hearted, so distant. He’d talked to you about his visions; about what he wanted but … You never really thought he’d leave you behind.

“That’s impossible”, you softly whispered, “Suguru would never kill-“. “Tsk”, Satoru gritted his teeth, trying to hold himself back.

Yes. Satoru hated it when he saw you kiss his best friend; when you cupped his cheeks and pulled him close. He didn’t want to be reminded of how sweet you must taste or how soft your skin felt… But he still didn’t want to miss his best friend, to watch his best friend turn into a monster.

“I’m sorry”, your Headmaster crossed his arms, his eyes peering over his glasses. “N-no”, your eyes widened, “It wasn’t him! He would never do something like that!”.

Gojo stared at the ground, his hands clenching the table behind him.

“Suguru would never hurt someone”, tears streaming down your cheek, “S-sure he’s lost his way but that doesn’t mean he’s a murderer”. You looked behind you, trying to understand why Satoru didn’t defend his best friend. “Why are you so quiet? Say something? Tell him that he’s wrong!”, you cried out in disbelief. “Why?”, Gojo clenched his jaw, “It was him. The only traces of cursed energy were his”. “B-but-“, you tried to convince yourself that the person you loved wasn’t a monster. “Don’t you get it?”, Satoru’s words felt like poison, “The Suguru you, we, knew is gone. Stop acting like an idiot”.

“I hate you”, your voice cold before you walked away. There was no point in staying. “Get some rest. You don’t have to attend your classes tomorrow”. You didn’t respond to your Headmaster’s advice. You wanted to be alone.

Satoru widened his eyes. He never saw you like this. So cold, so distant… He wanted to run after you; to tell you he missed Suguru too but he realized all too well that he was the last person you wanted to be around now.

—-

Satoru stopped his tracks as he stood before your room. His heart was racing. It’s been months now since Suguru left and you weren’t doing too well. Everyone could see it; how skinny you’d gotten, how the skin around your eyes darkened each day… It reminded him of how his best friend looked before he ran away, and he wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice not even with someone who hated him. Besides, his feelings for you never changed. Not even when you became an entirely different person. In his eyes, you were still the prettiest girl he’d ever seen and it hurt him more than he could take to see you like this. He wanted to see you smile again, to hear that cute giggle form in between kisses, even though it was because of another man.

“Y/N?”, he softly knocked on your door.

No response.

“Y/N, open the door”, he tried to sound as kind as possible.

His heart fastened as he heard some movement.

“What?”, you slightly opened the door. “Here”, Satoru held out a bag. “What’s that?”, you frowned as you opened the door a little more. “Something to eat”.

His stomach turned when he noticed how much weight you lost. Your once chubby, and cute cheeks were completely gone. Instead, they were replaced by cheekbones that cast a shadow over your face.

“I’m not hungry”, you tried to close your door but Satoru’s foot got in the way. “It’s from your favorite place”, his voice desperate. Your eyes lifted from the ground to look at the bag. “How did you know?”, your voice still cold.

How did he know? What was he going to say? That he practically stalked you and overheard almost every word when you were in the same room as him?

“Just eat something”, he gently pushed your door open. “N-no”, you hastily tried to close the door but there was no strength left in your body.

Satoru’s eyes widened as his heart shattered. Your room was a mess, something he expected but … He didn’t realize you kept all of Suguru’s clothes he left behind. There was his shirt wrapped around your pillow, two of his sweaters spread on your bed, his jacket thrown on your chair…

“Happy now?”, you frowned.

God, Satoru never felt so jealous. Matter of fact, he felt so jealous that he was angry. How could you still care so much about Suguru? Sure, he missed his best friend too but he realised what he had become and which side he chose to join.

“This isn’t healthy”, he entered your room without permission, “I’m taking his stuff”. “N-no!”, you immediately ran toward the white-haired man. “You’re not touching anything!”, you grabbed his arm as you tried to pull him back. “Stay back”, Gojo coldly replied as he placed the bag of sushi on your cluttered desk. “Stop!”, you cried out as you saw him grab Suguru’s clothes. “I hate you!”, you screamed as you desperately tried to pull him back. “Don’t you get it?”, Gojo raised his voice, “He isn’t coming back. He left you. Just as he left me. There’s no point in clinging onto the past”. “He is! I know he is!”, you punched him as he grabbed your trashcan.

You paused for a swift second as you realized you could touch him, meaning he wasn’t using his cursed energy.

“Stop!”, you balled your fists again. “Tsk”, Satoru grabbed both of your wrists with one hand, “Look at me”. “N-no”, your head hanging low, tears streaming down your cheek. “Look at me”, his voice soft as he loosened his grip. “N-no”, your sobs got heavier.

“I know it hurts”, he softly cupped your face as his thumbs wiped away your tears, “I miss him too but he isn’t coming back. You need to move on. You can’t just keep on starving yourself and missing your classes”. “N-no, he’s coming back. He’d never leave me behind without saying goodbye, without-“, you tried to control your breathing as reality hit you in the face. The person you loved wasn’t coming back.

Satoru didn’t know what to do or what to say. There weren’t any words left to make you feel better.

“It’s okay, let it all out”, his arms wrapped around you, holding you close.

He was mad at Suguru for leaving you like this, but once he pulled you close and his nose took in the scent of your hair… He felt almost thankful. He’d wanted to hold you like this for so long. Sure, he didn’t want you to feel like this but if it meant he could hold you…

“Why? Why did he leave?”, your broken voice broke through his thoughts. He immediately felt sick again. “I don’t know”, he softly pulled away, leaving a cold feeling behind. “You need to eat”, he continued after your lack of response. “No”. “Yes”, he chuckled as he walked to your desk. “Here, eat”. “Fine, I’ll eat some”, you walked to your door. “No”, Satoru folded his arms, “I want to see you eat”. “You’re not going to leave, are you?”, you sighed at the realization. “Nope”, he smirked as he looked over his glasses. “Fine”, you grunted in agitation. “A plate of sushi for Miss Y/N”, Satoru playfully got the sushi out of the bag. “Satoru-“, you sighed. “Oh, I almost forgot”, he ignored you, “A plate of sushi and some strawberry mochi as dessert”.

“Strawberry mochi?”, your eyes widened. Maybe you were a little hungry after all. “No”, Gojo held the mochi up high, “You’re going to eat your sushi first.

—-

“You’re looking better”, Satoru smiled as he watched you close your door. “Y-yeah, I tried to look decent”, you shyly answered. “Come on, let’s go”, he placed his hands in his pockets in an attempt to try and stop himself from pulling you close.

You two had gotten closer over the past few weeks, and Satoru wasn’t complaining.

“Where are we going?”. “Oh, I didn’t tell you?”. “No”, you softly answered. “Well, it’s a surprise then”. “I don’t like surprises”. “Fine”, Satoru rolled his eyes, “We’re going to the city. You need new clothes”. “I don’t-“, you paused as you realized you didn’t have that many clothes that still fit you. “Thought so”, Gojo smirked contently, “We can grab some sushi before heading home”.

—-

“This was actually fun”, you looked down as the metro kept his steady pace. “Fun?”, Satoru sighed, “My hands are sore from carrying your bags”. “You said I needed some clothes”. “Yeah yeah, fine”, he sighed, “I’m just glad you’re happy”.

He didn’t want this day to end. He wanted to stay in this moment forever. Every minute the metro got closer to Jujutsu High, his heart got heavier.

“Here”, he sighed as he placed your bags on your bed. “Be sure to get some rest for our classes tomorrow”. “Hm”, you softly hummed. “What?”, he looked down as he tried to study your face. “Nothing”, your cheeks red. “Why are you blushing?”, Satoru tilted his head, his nose almost touching yours as he looked at you.

And then it happened. Something he never expected.

“H-huh”, Gojo’s eyes widened as you placed a swift kiss on his lips.

He didn’t move. He was frozen in place as he could see your big eyes staring at him, your cheeks redder than ever.

“I’m sorry”, you hastily apologized when he kept still.

Satoru didn’t answer, instead, his hands cupped your cheek as he pulled you close again. His entire aura changed, all his playfulness disappeared like snow in the sun.

“Right”, he chuckled as he softly broke free from the kiss. “W-what?”. “Your lips”, he placed another swift kiss on them before he continued, “They taste like strawberries, just as I imagined”.

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late-to-the-party-81 · 4 months

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To wait for you is all I can do

AN: It’s another Tower fic, yay!!!

Doesn’t have to be read as related to my other tower fic, but could be seen as a prequel if you wanted. And yes, the title is taken from Against All Odds.

Beta’d by the lovey @drabbles-mc

Likes are loved, reblogs are golden

Dividers by @firefly-graphics and moodboard by me

Bingo fills: @buckybarnesbingo U4 - Tower

@stuckybingo I1 - Drinking Games

@steverogersbingo E5 - Suck and Blow Game

Join my tag list here

Master list | BBB Master list | Stucky Bingo Master List | SRB Master list

Relationships: Steve x Bucky

Word Count: 2.5k

CW: Alcohol consumption, Asgardian Mead, Teasing, Flirting, Avengers as Family, Drinking games, Pining, Angst, Second First Kiss, Getting back together.

“Ho, my brothers…and sister… I am here and the festivities can begin!”

Saturday night in the Avengers Tower, and Thor had just arrived for one of his sporadic visits.

Tony met him, arms wide and a grin plastered to his face, and the Asgardian Prince caught him in a bear hug, lifting off the floor.

“You’re here, Point Break. I thought you were going to disappoint us.”

“Never, my friend. I was just delayed trying to find some of this.”

With a flourish he pulled a bottle from his shoulder bag, eliciting a cheer from everyone except Steve, who groaned, and Bucky who looked confused.

“What is that?” Bucky asked. Thor walked over and clapped him on the shoulder before passing him the bottle.

“This, James, is a bottle of the finest Asgardian Mead. It is stronger than your Midgardian drinks and with it, we’ve previously managed to get the good Captain to 'cut loose'.”

Bucky snorted. “Stevie, drunk? I haven’t seen that since 1943. You think it will work on me too?”

“Assuredly,” Thor confirmed. “I have no doubt that you will feel the effects as much as the good Captain.”

Steve walked over, a serious look to his face. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, Buck. No-one has to drink.”

Bucky pulled the stopper from the top of the bottle with a pop and gave the amber liquid a sniff. “Woah! And I know that, Steve. But I do want to. It’ll be fun.” With that, Bucky took a swig, shuddering as the alcohol heated him from the inside. He turned to Thor. “That is good shit. Let’s round up the others. We should play some games.”

Steve watched him walk off across the room with Thor and couldn’t help the small twinge of jealousy at how close the two were standing together. Bucky’s recovery was going well. Excellent in fact. But he still had some gaps in his memory and they’d been told they could come back at any time or never. A brain injury such as what Bucky had sustained was unprecedented and the doctors and specialists were uncertain about what could happen. All they knew was that they couldn’t push it. All of which meant that Steve felt as though he was in purgatory.

Because it appeared that Bucky had no memories of them. Together. Of them curled up in bed during a Brooklyn winter finding ways to keep warm. Of the furtive moments together in the forests of Europe. Steve remembered every stolen moment, every quiet intimacy and held them protected in his heart, hoping every day that Bucky would remember them too. He was happy that Bucky was free. Happy that he was recovering and making friends and adapting to life in a new century - and, he thought, doing that much better than he had - but he was sad too. Sad that their relationship was more like that of brothers. Like the best friends the history books painted them as. But there was nothing he could do to change that. Either Bucky would remember and they’d have the chance to pick up where they left off, or he wouldn’t and Steve would just have to live with being the best friend he could be.

“Steve!” Bucky shouted across the room, pulling Steve out of his head. “Get your ass over here. Sam’s got a game for us to play.”

Steve squashed the urge to roll his eyes. This was no doubt going to descend into complete chaos, and he didn’t know if he was in quite the right mood for it. But he felt he owed it to Bucky to at least try. Joining the circle of his friends, some sitting on sofas and some on beanbags, Steve found himself a place next to Bucky. Bucky gave him a warm smile and Steve was struck with the bittersweet urge to kiss him knowing that he couldn’t.

“So, as our fossils and our out of towner here,” said Sam, gesticulating to Bucky, Steve and Thor, “never got to have the college experience, or play pretend at the college experience,” he nodded at Nat, “we’re gonna have some good old drinking games. First up is ‘Never have I ever. The rules are simple. We all take it in turns to say something that we’ve never done, but if someone else has done that thing, they have to take a drink. I’ll start. Never have I ever destroyed three city blocks.”

Tony and Bruce groaned and both took a swig of the beers they were holding. Nat was next.

“Never have I ever purposefully trolled someone by shouting ‘On my left.’” She smiled slyly.

“Hey, that was one time,” grumbled Sam before taking a mouthful of his drink. “And someone pass Steve the mead.”

Thor obliged, passing the bottle and Steve took it warily, putting it to his lips and having the smallest sip he thought he could get away with.

“Okay,” Tony announced. “My turn. Never have I ever stolen something.” He took a big drink of his beer and Bucky furrowed his brows.

“I thought we were supposed to say something we hadn’t done.”

“Only if you don’t want to drink, Buckaroo,” Tony replied with a wink. “And now I think everyone here needs to drink, because not one of you, not even Cap, is as pure as the driven snow.”

“It’s called borrowing Tony,” Steve snarked back.

“Only if you actually return it. Drink. You too, Legolas. I don’t think there’s enough booze in this place to account for you and Romanoff.” Everyone took their drinks, Steve, Thor and Bucky passing the Asgardian liquor and Clint and Nat clinking their bottles together before they did so.

The game continued around the circle with some general statements - Never have I ever failed a maths test, Clint, Sam and Thor drinking - and some more pointed statements - Never have I ever almost ended the world by creating a robotic child, which Steve was very proud of - and the mood was mellow. Steve was even starting to relax and enjoy himself. And then Thor happened.

“Never have I ever had a crush on a comrade in arms.” Tony, Bruce and Sam knocked back their drinks straight away, and Steve… Well, Steve could have lied. He could have sat there innocently, except he faltered. He started to reach for the mead but then stopped, drawing everyone’s attention to him. Bucky looked at him, head cocked and Nat just raised one defined eyebrow. With nothing else for it, Steve resumed his move towards the only alcohol that could affect him and poured himself a healthy measure.

“Aaawww, Capsicle,” Tony drawled, “I didn’t know you cared.” Steve just glared at him and the billionaire just chuckled. “But really, who hasn’t had a little crush on Nat at some point or another. You’re only human.”

Steve could feel the blood rushing to his face, but there was also no way he was going to correct Tony’s assumption. Nat continued to observe him for a heartbeat more and he gave her a wan smile.

“Okay guys,” she said. “Time for a new game. I need a pack of cards, or rather just one from a pack. It’s time to Suck and Blow.”

Tony started to laugh raucously before standing up and going over to one of the many sideboards and rifling through the drawers. “This is going to be so good.”

Steve was confused, and a glance at Bucky showed he was the same, but luckily it was Thor or voiced the question.

“Pray tell, Lady Widow. What is this game of sucking and blowing? I do not believe it can possibly be what it sounds like.”

At the moment, Tony returned to the group and passed a card - the Joker, or course - to Nat.

“So,” she explained, “I will put the card to my lips and suck it to hold it in place. I then move towards the person next to me and when the card touches their lips they suck and I blow to transfer it. They then pass it along to the next person. If you let it drop you both drink. Easy. Like this…”

Nat put the Joker to her lips and held it there with suction, leaning towards Clint and passing it over as if it were nothing. Clint passed it to Sam, who giggled a bit before managing to take it and Clint high-fived Nat.

“Do I have to?” Bruce questioned and the card fell from Sam’s mouth as he ran out of breath.

“Dude!” Sam exclaimed. “What the hell?” and he took a drink. Bruce followed, looking chagrined, and then Sam put the card to his lips again and passed it over. Bruce turned and that’s when he realised he was facing Tony, who had a mischievous glint in his eye. Bruce tried to pass him the card, but it was obvious that Tony ‘forgot’ to suck. The card fell down between them and Tony cupped Bruce’s face, planting an over the top kiss on the scientist’s lips. Clint spat out his drink, Thor laughed out loud and even Bucky’s lips twitched in amusement.

Tony drew back, peering at Bruce as if he were an experiment gone awry. “Hhmm, no Hulk. I’d thought for sure he’d have wanted a piece of that action. Oh well.” He shrugged and took a drink.

Bruce glared as he tipped back his bottle, but he then put the card to his lips and effortlessly passed it to Thor, who passed it onto Bucky with an amused glint in his eye. The Bucky turned towards Steve and Steve? Steve couldn’t breathe. All he could see was Bucky’s blue-grey eyes getting closer and closer. The card touched his lips, Bucky blew and Steve forgot to suck.

The card fell away and their lips brushed together.

Steve felt as though he was in one of those cheesy romance movies Tony had made him watch, where the main couple kiss and there’s fireworks and bird singing, because Bucky’s lips felt the same as they always had, and his heart was thudding in his chest, and - oh shit! - he should pull away, he’s not supposed to keep kissing Bucky who doesn’t remember them, and…

Suddenly Bucky was gone. He ripped his lips from Steve’s, stood and bolted from the communal room. Steve knew the others were staring, wondering what on earth had just happened, but he didn’t care about them, Bucky was his priority.

He scrambled to his feet. “Buck! Wait!” he called and then followed Bucky out of the room.

“Well,” said Tony. “That was unexpected.”

Nat turned and cocked her head. “Was it?”

“Buck, please can I come in? I’m sorry.”

Steve rested his head against the door to Bucky’s room, feeling like the worst friend in the world. He’d violated Bucky’s trust at best, and disgusted and scared him at worst.

He hadn’t been surprised to find the door to Bucky’s room, inside their shared apartment, shut. Steve didn’t know if it was locked or not, but he wasn’t going to step in uninvited. However, he couldn’t walk away either, so with his heart beating harshly in his chest and his breath ragged in his lungs, Steve turned and slid down the closed door, head in his hands as he tried to work out what to do - how to make this right.

Steve had no idea how long he sat there, mumbling to himself as he tried to work through the answer in his head. But he was so caught up in his thoughts he was oblivious to movement from within Bucky’s room, until he was falling backwards, staring up at Bucky’s upside down face. He blushed.

“Umm, hey there, Buck.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, which Steve took as a good sign. “Get up, punk.”

“Uh, yeah.” Steve pushed himself up, with far less elegance than he was capable of, and faced Bucky properly. Without a word Bucky walked back into his room, but he left the door open, so Steve followed him in.

Bucky was standing with his arms crossed, leaning against the wall and Steve stopped a few paces away, feeling awkward and full of anxiety. Bucky stared at him.

“Bucky, I…”

“Shh.”

Steve’s mouth snapped shut as Bucky’s command, and he began to twist his hands together. Bucky continued to observe him and when he pushed away from the wall and started to walk around him, Steve started to feel like a bug pinned to a board. He felt as though there was an electrical current running through him, making him vibrate with fear. Or was it need? Bucky was so close to him right now, his eyes hooded and dark as he just looked at Steve.

“We used to do that all the time, didn’t we?”

“Huh?” Bucky’s question caught him off-guard.

“Kiss. We used to kiss all the time. Back, before. When you were small. But also when you were big, like this.” Bucky stopped in front of Steve, close, but still guarded.

“Uh, yeah,” Steve croaked. “We did.”

“And more than kissing too.” A statement, not a question.

Steve coughed, nervously. “Yeah, that too.”

“But we haven’t done since I came here. Since you found me. Why?”

Steve shuffled and shook his arms out, unsure what to do with his hands.

“Well, because you couldn’t remember it. It wouldn’t have been right. And I thought you might not want to, you know. You’re different now. I’m different now. We’ve both been through a lot and it would be understandable if feelings changed. And I didn’t want to put you under any pressure, because you mean a lot to me…”

“Steve…” Bucky interrupted his rambling. “Shut up.”

In the next second Bucky closed the distance between them, his mismatched hands coming up to cup Steve’s face, and then pressed their lips together. Instinctively, Steve’s hands came up to grip the front of Bucky’s shirt, leaning into a kiss that was altogether more purposeful than their accidental brushing of lips earlier. When Bucky ended it, all too soon for Steve’s liking, his smokey eyes were alight with amusement.

“I don’t remember it all, but I do remember the face you’re making now. It’s like you’re drunk, and I have to say, it’s still pretty cute.”

Heat flooded Steve’s face once more. “Jerk,” he muttered under his breath.

“I still wanna take things slow,” Bucky added, “but I think I might still like kissing you, Stevie.”

Steve nodded vigorously. “Absolutely, Buck. Happy to be led by you. And it’s okay if you wanna change your mind…”

Bucky interrupted him once again. “Shut up and kiss me again, punk.”

With a request like that, how could Steve refuse?

Tag list: @christywrites, @alexakeyloveloki, @doasyoudesireandlive, @galactusdevourerofworlds, @crayongirl-linz, @mrs-illyrian-baby, @km-ffluv, @wheezy-stucky

#stucky #stucky fanfiction #steve rogers x bucky #buckybarnesbingo2023 #stucky bingo #stever rogers bingo

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ad-hawkeye · 2 months

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The following is a collection of commentary I've seen on Artem's newest SSS card from Weibo.

[In a top five favorite Artem cards list; aside from Artem's second birthday card, this is the only non-year one entry]: "A heartbeat rediscovered after a long period of disappointment and mediocrity. The world should not become narrow after we are together. I want to talk to you about faith, ideals, and this world that both you and I know is terrible. I want to tear apart the lies of idealism and use the unpleasant truth and the only true love, restructure into stronger each other."

[In a post talking about OP's thoughts on Artem's newest card]: "Everyone should know Zuo Ran's character. He is a tenacious person in the eyes of others. This card gives me the feeling that Zuo Ran [is showing his fragility] without reservation. Seeing this, I think of his powerlessness when he was a child. When he was a child, he was forced to become like this without the company of his parents [...] I feel sorry for Zuo Ran."

[A summary of Artem's newest card]: "... Everyone has a sense of defense. Only in front of the closest and trusted people can we take off our guard and say everything we know. In this world full of all kinds of hypocrisy and everyone wears a mask, trust is a scarce resource, because exposing weaknesses is undoubtedly dangerous, and in front of our lovers, we may also hide some bad things because we care too much about each other's thoughts, so as to "report good news but not bad news", but he doesn't want you to do so..."

So...

My own findings from all of this? Take this with a grain of salt; I have not read the card, but instead have read commentary, summaries, and loosely translated screenshots. It seems like it's a card that finally shows us Artem being vulnerable?

It seems a lawsuit goes wrong on Artem's end, and he asks Rosa to be his attorney (?). Which, holy fuck, big if true.

It emphasizes Artem's full trust in Rosa and her skills despite the incredibly tricky situation.

I'm sorry I genuinely can't believe I'm looking at a recent Artem card where something interesting actually happens. Am I hallucinating?

The card also seemingly goes into detail about Artem's self awareness about how he comes across to others.

Also here are some bonus Artems I found and really liked from the scene where he asks her to be his attorney.

#tears of themis #artem wing #tot spoilers #cn spoilers #addy rambles #at the very least - it seems this one is definitely worth pulling for if only for the interesting plot and theme #which im so excited about

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tom-whore-dleston · 7 months

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Love Changed the Minds of Pretenders

Pairing ▹ Bucky Barnes x gn. reader

Word Count ▹ 1k

This fic contains ▹ angst, fluff, songfic, unestablished relationship, mentions of sex, mentions of Joaquin x reader, mutual ending of relationship, light beta reading (even though there are no explicit mentions of adult themes, I do not want minors or blank blogs interacting with this fic)

Summary ▹ Do you remember | The 21st night of September?

Notes ▹ I should be asleep right now because I have work at 7am but I just had a random burst of creativity and I needed to let it out. Anyways, this is my submission for @bucks-and-noble Summer Send Off. Thank you @buckets-and-trees and @sgt-seabass for creating this challenge and refueling my love for Bucky. And a special shoutout to the book club! I am so happy I met y'all and I am beyond grateful for the bond we have created 💖 Fun fact: This is my first ever Bucky fic woop woop!! Remember to reblog and comment if you enjoyed! 😊

Prompt ▹ use a lyric [from September by Earth Wind and Fire] as direct inspiration for a theme/idea

September 21, 2022. 10:02 pm.

The night you met Bucky Barnes.

Of all places, you met Bucky at a bar. The same bar where your friend performed their first live show and they invited you to watch. You weren’t expecting to meet anyone that night. Your heart had been broken only a few weeks prior.

Everyone thought: Was he a rebound? A distraction?

No. He was so much more than that. It could have been easy to feel that way fresh out of heartbreak. Even more so when outsiders were constantly questioning what you and Bucky really were. But there was clearly a reason Bucky showed up in your life after this period of hurting.

Bucky gave you love and security. He made you feel safe when he took you to the movies, when he made love to you, when you slept peacefully in his strong arms. You always thanked him for the things he did to make you feel secure and loved. He’d reply with his typical phrase, “I’m glad I make you feel that way.”

He welcomed you into his home, his life, and his heart after many years of keeping the door locked and the key tucked away. Waking up and stroking your face before pressing a kiss to your dry lips was something that made your love for him stronger. Then after an hour or so of getting tangled between the sheets, you both would jump in the shower, gently caressing one another with soapy hands. Breakfast with Bucky was another tender ritual that you cherished. Whether it was at 10 in the morning or 1 in the afternoon, you never skipped breakfast with him.

He challenged your negative thoughts and beliefs. You and Bucky would stay on the phone until 3 in the morning talking about the universe, aliens, and other conspiracy theories. The two of you would ponder on the purpose of your lives and the ways of the universe. One thing you both were certain about was that you wanted your lives to be fulfilling and meaningful. Your world expanded and bloomed with beauty and wonder because of him. You wanted to be better and so did he.

Bucky made you believe in love again. And you made Bucky believe in love again.

As the months passed, everything was splendid. Perfect, even. But with perfection, there’s always something lacking. Of course, you wouldn’t have seen what was lacking if it slapped you in the face.

After 10 months of dating Bucky, you finally revealed your love for him. Now, Bucky wasn’t the type to say it. Heck, he didn’t even say “I love you” to his sister unless she said it first. Yet that wasn’t a deal breaker because he expressed his love in other ways.

“I love you, too. I know your feelings for me are strong, but I don’t know if I can give you what you want.”

It was understandable. He did mention in the beginning that he wanted to casually date. You forgot that you wanted the same thing. Man that felt like such a long time ago. Time really does fly when you start to fall in love. And hard you fell.

You hid your disappointment by making more excuses as to why being committed to Bucky would not be in the cards. First, there was the long distance. Then, there was the uncertainty about both of your futures. For a couple that talked a lot about your ambitions, you both lacked the confidence in where you would go in life. As the list of reasons piled up, there was one that made your brain fuzzy and your heart swell.

That reason was Joaquin Torres.

You met Joaquin through your cousin. There was an instant attraction between the two of you yet neither of you pursued each other. If you had gone for Joaquin, you would not have created the world you had with Bucky. So when your feelings for Joaquin grew stronger than your feelings for Bucky, you knew you had to take action before someone got hurt.

Contrary to your belief, no one got hurt. You were transparent with Joaquin about your status with Bucky, and he understood. When you revealed to Bucky your feelings for Joaquin, he too understood.

“Listen, angel, I know you. You know what you want in your life and you don’t let anything get in the way of that. I do love you, but who am I to stand in the way of living the life you want. You’ve let people tell you how to live your life for so long and now it’s my turn to stop that cycle. If this is what you want, don’t let me stop you.”

You and Bucky shared beautiful memories over the 10 months of being together, but the words he said to you on August 8, 2023 will always be ingrained in your brain for the rest of your life. That night was the last time you spoke to him and saw his face, even though it was over a video call.

“I’m grateful for having you in my life,” you confessed to him, trying not to cry. You couldn’t figure out if it was because you were surprised this conversation went way better than you thought or because you were saying goodbye.

Bucky grinned, “No need to get all sappy on me, angel.” You shared a final laugh together. “Well, if you ever find yourself in the city, you know where to find me.”

Part of you wanted to make a joke about how you’d run into him at the bar where you met, but you stopped yourself. Instead, you replied:

“You got it, Buck.”

And that marked the end of you and Bucky.

You and Bucky’s love was never meant to fail. Yet it was never meant to succeed. Perhaps it was just meant to simply exist.

But who knows, maybe that fateful night in August was not the end. Only time could tell. That was the beauty of time and the universe. You can plan and make certain choices, but ultimately, the universe will lead you to where you’re meant to be.

Now, it’s September 21, 2023. No, Bucky is not in the picture, but your thoughts are with him.

Do you remember? Yes, you remember. You always will.

Navigation | Fanfic Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist

#bnsummersendoff #bucky barnes #winter soldier #sebastian stan #tfatws #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier x you #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes oneshot #angst #fluff #reader insert #no y/n

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sayafics · 10 months

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Just For A Moment - Part 3

Hi guys, I just wanted to say thank you for the support! I enjoy seeing you guys comment asking for more, it makes me feel very appreciated and I am very happy there are people out there who enjoy my writing.

I do hope you guys enjoy part 3, it really is a big mix of emotions. I know you guys really enjoyed part 2, so I hope I did this chapter justice. Thank you, again <3333

Part 1

Part 2

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Masterlist

The words had caught both Jay and Hailey off guard, the revelation that she knew their secret caused the blood to drain from Jay's face as he was at a loss for words.

She knew.

This whole time, she knew, and she never said a word. She let herself suffer quietly.

He looked at the tears that streamed down her face, her wide eyes and trembling hands - he broke her. There was no other way to put it, she seemed fearful of even breathing in his presence.

Perhaps that was the worst part - Aurora was not only angry or disappointed. No, she was also terrified of being hurt by him. Again.

The question came out before he could stop it, making himself seem like an even bigger fool as everyone in the bar sent pitying looks towards Aurora, he asked, "how?" How did she know? Did she see them? Hear a rumour? See their texts?

If he could take back the question, he would.

If he could take back his actions, he would.

Aurora simply shook her head, the action causing her tears to fall more vigorously as a strained laugh escaped her. She stumbled backwards, heading towards the exit before Jay could stop her once more. On her way out, her heart heavy with unease and agony, she whispered an apology to Brett. But it seemed Brett and her friends were more concerned for the girl than the interrupted party.

Hailey's hand was still on his back. The feeling of her palm against him began to burn, and he wrenched himself away from her touch, away from her side. And he went after Aurora.

He pushed through the crowd, ignoring the looks of betrayal on the faces of his teammates, the look of disappointment in the eyes of his friends, and most of all, the petulant voice of Hailey who called after him in indignation.

Jay had found Aurora at her car, hands fumbling with the keys as she struggled to see through her tears. He raced towards her, his heart on fire at the sound of her muffled sobs. He reached around her, a hand wrapping itself around one of her own and her set of keys.

"You can't drive like this, Aurora. Baby, it's not safe. Please."

The feeling was so familiar to Aurora, his warm embrace and loving touch - a sensation she had begun to crave when she first gave into her heart's desires and let Jay into her life. And for a moment, she lost herself in the nostalgia, in the feeling of him being so close to her after feeling nothing for so long.

But the sound of a disgruntled blonde had followed Jay out of Molly's, the woman thrown off by the glares and judgements handed down to her from friends and colleagues. Hailey had left the bar hoping to convince Jay to come back home with her, to let her lick his wounds as he did her's. To reassure him that they would get through this and be stronger as one, and in time, everyone would forget what had happened and accept them.

It just so happened that Jay had his own idea of how things should play out, and they did not include Hailey.

The sound of her voice calling out his name brought back the memories of that night, of her lover pressed up against another, lost in the pleasures of his own unforgiveable actions. And just like that, Jay's touch had lost all its warmth.

Because the Jay that stood in front of her, a pleading grip on her hands, was not the Jay she had said yes to all those months ago - no, she had lost her Jay. And not when he had decided to sleep with Hailey, she had lost her Jay the moment Hailey joined the Intelligence Department.

As ignorant as he may be to it, and despite all the denial his heart may be full of, Jay Halstead was intrigued by Hailey, he has been since the moments she climbed up those stairs and helped them on their first case.

Aurora couldn't compete with that. Can't compete with that.

She wishes she could. Wishes her eyes shone like Hailey's so Jay could lose himself in them, wishes her hair was brighter than Hailey's so she could stand out like her, wishes she wasn't so extraordinarily plain that Jay's betrayal to her was so easy.

Jay's words snapped her out of her thoughts, his voice pushing her to pull her hand out of his grasp, but his grip was relentless - "I'm so sorry, Rory."

Aurora couldn't help the strangled cry that escaped her at the sound of that name, a name he would whisper into the darkness, hidden behind his confessions of love and admiration. She shook her head, "no, you're not. You're sorry you got caught."

Her voice was raw and exhausted. She had worn herself out holding all these feelings inside of her and pretending everything was okay. And now that the truth was out, she felt herself full of dread and weariness.

Jay shook his head vehemently, ignoring the way Hailey shuffled to his side, hoping to interject, "no. No, no, no. It was a mistake. I love you. I'm so sorry, there's no excuse but it was one time and I regret it every day."

The confession had deflated every ounce of ego Hailey had previously held, "you regret it?"

Hailey's eyes were painted in disbelief, but Jay met her head-on, his eyes empty as he regarded her - "I wish I didn't touch you that night. I wish I didn't let you in."

Hailey could feel her eyes well with tears, taking a glance towards the bar her heart beat faster in mortification when she saw that the three of them had an audience.

She tried to scrape up any sense of decency she had left, no longer able to look Jay or Aurora in the eyes as she cleared her throat, her voice oddly quiet, "I'm going to go."

As she left, she couldn't help but throw glances over her shoulder, hoping one of them would meet Jay's and the sight of her in anguish would cause him to come running back.

That didn't seem to be the case, as Jay's eyes were glued to the Aurora, who's face twisted in defeat - "if you loved me, you wouldn't have fucked her."

She would repeat it a hundred times if she had to, Jay betrayed her. That wasn't love.

"It was a mistake. I was drunk and she came over, she told me she liked me- she kissed me and- she, I don't know."

"That's not an excuse," her voice broke as she raised it an octave, "Jay you have had weeks to distance yourself from her. You've had weeks to pick the woman you say you love over the woman you fucked. And still, you spent every waking minute with her."

"I was scared," it was a hesitant confession, "I didn't know if you were angry at me because you found out or because I did something wrong. I- I couldn't make sense of it, any of it. But it was wrong of me, I know. I'm so sorry."

"Stop saying that! You keep saying you're sorry, but you've had weeks to be sorry. Why now, Jay? Why apologise now? Why tell me you love me now? Why pick me now?"

Jay couldn't find the words to explain, truthfully he didn't have the words to explain. It was a mistake, but his mistake hurt her in unimaginable ways. And he hadn't made amends after, he didn't tell her the truth, he didn't stay away from Hailey. No, he got pissed off at Aurora instead. God, he was an idiot.

Aurora's eyes flickered between his, as though she was searching for something within them. Her frustration grew when she could not find her answer, and her frustration turned to heartache.

She reached up with her free hand, cradling Jay's face gently. The action prompted him to free her other hand, hopeful she would not run from him. Hopeful she understood and hopeful she had forgiven.

Both her hands came to hold his face, her skin soft against the planes of his jaw and cheeks, her thumbs gently tracing the angles and lines on his face. She pulled him down towards her, leaning up to place her forehead against his, Jay's eyes closed at the sensation as hope simmered in his chest.

"Jay..."

The quiet whisper prompted him to open his eyes, to lose himself in the eyes of the girl who held his heart. Her eyes were drowning, so consumed by emotions, they were red and tired, full of unshed tears as the next words came to her, "was I not enough?"

Jay's eyes shut again, this time in anguish. Try as he might to stop them, tears escaped from his eyes and a stifled cry escaped as he spoke, "you're more than enough, my love. I'm the idiot, I'm the one who's not enough. You're everything to me and more, baby."

"Then why did you hurt me?"

Jay had no answer. It was true, what he had been saying all this time, he had seen Hailey as a friend. That night she came to his apartment, she was upset and in need of support and Jay had one too many beers that he didn't realise she wasn't talking about needing a friend until her lips had pressed against his own.

He lost himself in the feeling of a warm body, lost himself in the feelings of his own desires.

The thoughts tormented him, eating at him and taunting him because he had no excuse. No plausible reason for him to choose Hailey over Aurora. Yet, he still had.

He pulled himself away from Aurora, head shaking forcefully as he tried to get rid of the mocking thoughts. He heard a sniffle behind him, before a shaky sigh was released.

Aurora took his behaviour as an answer in itself, his inability to answer her was more telling than anything else. She composed herself, wiping her tears and steadying her breaths. A grim smile pulled at her lips, "it's okay. I get it. I do."

Aurora wasn't enough.

She unlocked her car and sat inside, reaching out to pull the door shut. She took one final glance at Jay, his back turned towards her as his shoulders were hunched over. Aurora could see how his body wracked at the silent cries he tried to hold back, his guilt overwhelming him.

Goodbye Jay.

***

Jay can't remember how he got home last night. His last traces of those hours began with a firm hand placed on his shoulder, and a glance up confirmed that it was Kevin.

Kevin looked disappointed in Jay's actions, but he could see his friend was in need of support. He couldn't leave Jay to wallow.

Guilt ate at Kevin at the thought, knowing that he and his friends had been more than happy to leave Aurora to her thoughts, and let her be consumed by whatever was troubling her.

Still, he would not repeat his mistakes.

Kevin guided Jay back to Molly's, encouraging him to take a seat. The occupants of the bar stared at him, various glares of anger and disgust were sent his way as he began to drink - one after the other. If it were up to Jay, he would've sat at Molly's drinking until the bar had closed, and when it had he would've gone to find another.

Instead, he was back at his place, waking up to a pounding headache and aching back as he laid astrew on the couch.

Jay moved slow, purposefully ignoring the memories of the night before as they seared themselves into his mind, forcing him to relive the pain and agony he had endured what feels like only moments ago.

Jay walked into his room, getting ready for the day. All the while, he ignored the bed that sat neatly behind him knowing the last person he had there with him was Hailey, on the night he wanted to forget the most.

He had tainted his most revered place, had wiped away Aurora's scent and defiled the place they were most affectionate to each other. The extra space of the bed was supposed to be Aurora's, and he had taken that from her - alongside her heart, which he had broken and burnt.

Time ticked by sluggishly as he drove to the department. His heart skipped beats as he ignored his throbbing head, but his hands felt numb and his head was swimming with dreadful thoughts and possibilities of what would happen when he saw Aurora in only a few short minutes.

Would she look at him with pitiful eyes? Would she make snide remarks? Would she be angry at him? Or would she continue to ignore him, as though he never existed?

The idea of such things happening continued to plague him, his body moving on its own accord as he found himself walking up the stairs to the Intelligence Department. It seemed he was the first one there.

Jay looked towards Aurora's desk, suddenly feeling uneasy and alarmed.

Aurora's desk sat bare, picture frames and trinkets removed leaving the desktop bare. He stumbled his way to the desk, hands almost twitching as he threw open every draw only to find them empty.

His heart lodged itself in his throat, he could feel a familar burn sting at his eyes as he shook his head in denial, "no..."

He continued to mumble to himself as he looked around the office, only for his eyes to land on a small white box on his desk.

The box couldn't have been bigger than the palm of his hand, and worry brewed within him as he began to pull the box apart to reveal its contents.

Inside sat a necklace, it shone gold in the artificial light and as Jay held it up in front of him he could make out the word inscribed on it - Aurora.

Jay had bought it for her a few weeks into them working as partners. It didn't take long for the pair to divulge their secrets and fears, and one of the most memorable ones had been when Aurora had confessed that after all those years she had spent living lives that were not her own, she was troubled by the idea she would no longer remember her name. Her biggest fear was losing herself.

Jay had bought her the necklace the very next day, he had told her as long as she had him he wouldn't let her forget who she was, he wouldn't let her lose herself and Jay promised, as he placed the necklace around her neck, that he would travel to the ends of the world and back to find her, if he needed to.

His hands clenched around the necklace, his face falling as he brought it close to his chest, his knuckles blanching at the force he held them with - she had left her necklace behind, had taken all her stuff.

It only meant one thing.

Jay could feel the urge to look into Voight's office, and a part of him was terrified to face the truth.

But he had to know. He had to know if he lost her, if she was well and truly gone.

And a glance into Voight's office had confirmed exactly that.

***

When the rest of the team had gathered in the office, they had stood frozen by the stairs. They were already worried about the scene they would find when they made their way into the office, wondering how the odd dynamic between Aurora, Jay and Hailey would now work.

It seemed they didn't need to worry about Aurora though, because in Voight's office sat Jay. Alone.

Jay had a haunted look painted across his face, his eyes swollen and red as they looked down passively at the desk, his hands pressed firmly against his chest, as though he was holding something close to his heart.

As the team mads their way closer to Voight's office, their concern for Jay grew stronger. Jay's eyes never strayed from the objects that laid in front of him - your gun, badge and letter of resignation.

You were gone.

You had left.

And it was all Jay's fault.

He made you feel like you were not enough.

Goodbye Aurora.

#jay halstead x oc #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead x you #jay halstead x y/n #jay halstead #chicago med #chicago fire #chicago one #chicago pd #chicago

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aroacedindjarin · 1 year

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I know so many people have said this already and in much more coherent ways than I can but the way luke was depicted in tbobf (and im not just talking about the uncanny valley cgi… why did they not just recast him orz) makes me so frustrated even now. Especially now. Maybe i’m just a delusional dinluker but i really really believe that luke skywalker needed to be in the mandalorian season3.

I cannot believe luke skywalker would make grogu choose between his dad and becoming a jedi. It is just so explicitly ooc for him. I’m reading the destiny path comic right now and there are so many pages that show luke struggling with the worry that he can’t be a Jedi because he can’t let go of his attachments to his friends. and i know this is a core theme of luke as a character, it’s not new, but the comic is just so explicit about it and goes into depth in a way that it doesn’t have time to explore on screen

It explores luke’s worry about disappointing yoda when he left dagobah to go help leia and han in cloud city, and how he feels about ben and yoda refusing to talk to him anymore or help him through the force because he didn’t make his jedi training a priority above everything and everyone else, like a Selfless Jedi should. and grogu goes through the literal exact same thing. and luke reacts in the exact same way yoda and ben did to him?

In the comic, the radio silence from his teachers eats at him so badly and adds to the struggle he’s going through after finding out Vader is his father and losing his hand. He feels abandoned and afraid and, even though these feelings lead him to realise he can make his own way as a jedi, I just don’t think he’d inflict the same thing on grogu. Even if i were to look at it from a perspective of luke being forced to make his own way without his teachers made him a stronger jedi - so maybe he’s doing the same for grogu?

After all, I know grogu is such a young child so I also understand the series tries to come at it from the angle of respecting a child’s wants and needs, not forcing him to commit to training if he doesn’t want to. But I just don’t understand why luke couldn’t join grogu every now and then. Teach him some jedi stuff on the weekends. They make it seem like luke has nothing better to do anyways, he’s got droids building his school for him and seems to spend his days entirely with grogu anyway. If he went back to tatooine with grogu at the end of tbobf, i just think there would have been so much to explore between luke and literally any of the characters. din and boba specifically of course but if that led to luke in mando s3 there could’ve been so much potential.

Perhaps they just needed a reason for a big emotional scene for grogu to choose his path and his destiny. Perhaps they couldn’t put luke skywalker in the show too much for fear of throwing off the sequels. There’s the argument that luke already had his screen time and, trust me, I also hate the re-usual of existing characters to the point where they’re wringed out of any substance and have been so fleshed-out and developed it’s almost grotesque to force them to stay in the show any longer. but star wars doesnt have a problem with that for so many other characters anyway.

I just wanted to see grogu growing up to be both a Mandalorian and a Jedi. It would’ve been so perfect with the Mand’alor Din storyline too. Grogu, the son of the Ruler of Mandalore and the student of the strongest Jedi in the galaxy, the start of a new generation and so much foundation to explore between Mandalorians and Jedi!!!!!!!

#i was literally just ranting about this to my beloved mutual but i need this on my blog too.#hinderr if ur reading this hi #luke skywalker #dinluke #the mandalorian #star wars #long post

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a-d-nox · 1 year

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pac: what to retain and release this month

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: advice from the universe

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

pile 1

release only focusing on the negative. negative moments exist so that we can appreciate the positive ones. without moments of difficulty there would be no purpose in having hope. a series of negative moments doesn't equate to a lifetime of them. perseverance makes us strong and resilient thus the negative moments are only there to help us become better/stronger versions of ourselves. focus on what you can control; not how you can control others or outcomes. let go of everything else (others actions, outcome, etc.). when you let go, that is when miracles happen.

retain your ability to create with passion. you are powerful. you know how to receive and act appreciatively and humbly. focus on what you receive rather than what you take; count your blessings. look around at all you have rather than what you don't; "gratitude is the best attitude." trust that the universe is working towards giving you everything you need in this lifetime - it simply takes time. attract what you want by using your passion and creativity. practice self-love and engage in activities that allow you to express yourself creatively.

pile 2

release your fears of being alone and self-isolation. you have done the work and you know who and what you want. don't face analysis paralysis - go out there and get it. your inner voice and thoughts are likely telling you not to, that its scary, that you'll only being disappointed, etc. that is not true - that's false perception. if you are experiencing negative self-talk, chances are you experienced being let down in the past and you are allowing cognitive bias to shape your future. what happened in the past isn't destined to happen in the future. don't hide your heart out of fear that it will be broken - it's not the way to live. if you aren't vulnerable with others and are unwilling to share your true self, you may never find what you seek most in life. this is the month for you to take a chance - its okay to be scared, its okay to stumble/fall, its okay to be hurt or to get hurt. so long as that is not where your story ends. face fears, get up, heal.

retain your fake it to you make it attitude. NONE of us know what we are doing and that is okay - use your powers of deception for good though. use them to get out of your comfort zone. you have a talent for strategy. have a honest conversation with others or yourself about what you want and need from any given situation. you have the strength to confront situations head on and you should do so! don't hide things about yourself that helps others to better understand you and your needs. be honest and be vulnerable - you are strong enough to do both. take what you need and leave the rest behind.

pile 3

release giving more than you have and more than you can afford to lose. something tells me that you tend to give more than you receive; be cognizant of what you are giving. it's okay to give without receiving, but it is NOT OKAY to be used for your generosity. do not feel obligated to constantly give; especially if you are not in the position to do so mentally or monetarily. mind your wallet right now - be careful what you are spending... and expending.

retain your ambition - push yourself and others out of their comfort zones. you have a non-quitting attitude: tired you recharge, disappointed you try again, losing momentum you reevaluate and re-strategize. reflect on your situation and follow your intuition. don't get caught up in the dramatics or get defensive - take in everyone's thoughts and opinions.

#tarot reading #tarotblr #free tarot #tarot #tarot witch #tarotcommunity #pick a photo #pick a pile #pick a picture #pick a card

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