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atlasmoonglade · 1 day

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Joost Klein x OC!single mom

Warnings: divorce mentioned, smut in later chapters.

Summary: this takes place pre Eurovision. Joost meets Ria, a single 32yo mom. Probably will be a slow burn. Multiple chapters.

This is just for fun, don't take too seriously.

the night we met it was supposed to rain. the night we met i was supposed to stay home.

Chapter 1

"Please!" my friend begged me.

"I already told you, I am not going out tonight. I have a horrible headache, plus look at the weather forecast." I complained while putting on the kettle.

"Oh c'mon, when has a little rain ever ruined our plans."

"A million times." I laughed. "Let's just stay in this time. This is the weekend when Elliot is staying with his dad. You'll meet with your mystery man tomorrow."

"Ok," Brianne, my dear friend who is head of over heals for a man she met online, sighed. "what I forgot to mention - he is in town only for a week and I can't meet him any other day. Please come with me. It's a bar, if it rains, it won't be an issue."

I am not a fan of spontaneous plans, I need everything planned and agreed 5 business days in advance. There is no place in my life for sudden changes, but I look at her realising I will have to brave my headache and hate of impulsiveness to go out. I love her to pieces and couldn't bear the thought of her going alone.

"He is bringing a friend, so it will be like a...double first-time-meeting-a-guy-you-met-on-instagram type of date. Please come." she is making puppy dog eyes at me. "We won't stay too late and you will still have plenty of time for yourself, I promise."

"Ok." I said. "How could I miss a double first-time-meeting-a-guy-you-met-on-instagram type of date. Maybe he will be cute."

He is not. I am in a bar listening to the most boring man on earth talk about finance and crypto, having to nod and smile because Brianne on the other hand is having a grand-ol time with her instagram guy. How do people even meet on social media, a mystery to me. Though they seem to be a match made in heaven, she is talking non stop and he actively listens with appropriate reactions right when she expects it.

"I will order myself another drink. Anyone want anything?" I stand up to head to the bar.

"Yes, another Martini." Brianne said with a wink.

"I still have my beer, thank you."

"Want me to come with you?" finance guy, whose name I didn't even bother to remember, asked.

"No, it's okay. I will be right back." I am happy to have a minute of silence.

I send a quick text to Nicholas, my ex-husband, asking how Elliot is doing. They are having a Cars movie marathon eating as many sweets as a 6 year old can muster, which is probably infinite. As I hit send, I walk straight into someone's back, which knocks the wind out of me.

"Woah. What happened" the guy, whose back apparently is like a brick wall, exclaims.

"Sorry, I wasn't looking." I say rubbing my forehead.

Mister broad shoulders turns to face me. "Are you okay?" he asks with an accent.

"Yes, sorry again. Didn't mean to crash into you like that" I look up to take a better look at him. A good looking blond man wearing tinted glasses inside. "Usually I don't head butt people at first sight." I drop my hand from the forehead.

He doesn't say anything, just smiles at me, I smile back. It seems so natural.

He turns to say something to his group of friends, who have been eyeing our collision, then turns back to me. "I was going for a smoke. Want to join me?" he points his head to the exit, reaching for his pocket.

"Uh, sure." I say.

He takes a lead, I follow. I send a quick text to Brianne: went for some fresh air. brb

Fresh air feels nice indeed, boring conversation with a crypto man long forgotten.

"What's your name?" my new acquaintance asks while he lights a cigarette and offers me one from the pack.

"Ria" I fold my arms over my chest to protect myself from the chilly evening wind. "I don't smoke."

"Ria" he repeats my name as if trying it out. "I'm Joost."

"Where are you from?" I ask while taking in this stranger who almost knocked me out. He is wearing a white t-shirt with a hoodie over it, loose denim pants which seem too long for him and those sunglasses.

"the Netherlands. I'm visiting a friend here." he says while blowing out the smoke facing away from me.

"Is it your first time here?" I keep the conversation.

"No, I come here from time to time. Have to culture myself." he smiles.

"Yes, a lot of culture in the US of A."

He laughs throwing his head back, which makes my heart flutter. What a strange turn of an evening.

He finishes his cigarette, stubs it out and we head back inside.

"It was nice to meet you, Joost." I smile at him.

"Likewise" he doesn't return to his friends yet as if he wants to say something more.

"I need to get back to my friend. Don't want to leave her alone for too long."

"Don't walk into someone else, that role is reserved for me." he jokes again and heads back to his group.

"Sorry, they ran out of Martinis" I say as I come back to Brianne and our companions.

I can't help but glance in the direction of Joost, right as I catch him looking too. He notices the seemingly double date that is happening. Am I imagining or does he look upset. I give a small smile, which he returns and goes back to his conversation. Am I imagining or do I want him to look back again. It is an unusual feeling for me to long for someone I barely met, will definitely have to unpack that later.

I also notice the absence of a headache, must have been the breath of fresh air.

I woke up the next day feeling not my best. Even a couple of drinks isn't an easy task after 30 - something I have yet to accept.

My phone buzzes. A text from Nicholas: Getting ready to go to Disneyland. Elliot wants to wish you good morning. ☺️

I text back Good morning! Have a fun day you two! ❤️ give him a hug from me.

I place an online order in my favorite coffee shop and decide to walk there instead of driving. I need to clear my head, yesterday's events still fresh on my mind.

As I walk I try to think of why Joost made such an impression on me. I was secretly craving his attention the rest of the night. Am I ready to be dating again? The idea of how complicated dating is while having a kid scares me, that is why I haven't pursued that idea in so long.

But the few times our eyes met from the different parts of the bar felt electric. I need to be careful.

I walk into the coffee shop, the usual place of orders already having a Coldbrew I ordered ready, I head straight to it. At the same time a hand reaches for it too, as we both grab the drink. I turn "I am pretty that is m-", and see non other than my blond friend from yesterday.

"Joost!" I exclaim.

"Ria?" he looks as confused as me.

"Now I should ask if you are following me." I say and notice we are both still holding the coffee.

"I start to believe you are the one following me and stealing my drink." he doesn't let go of it.

I check the name on the drink, it spells "Youst".

"They did spell my name wrong, but close enough." he laughs and at the same time barista announces a Coldbrew for Ria.

"Ok, so I loose, it was not mine." I take my order.

"Honestly it was a matter of seconds, I was about to give up mine." he says.

"Really? I was ready to fight, I really need it this morning." I say taking a sip, a moan slipping my lips.

"Wild night?" we head outside.

"No, I actually went to sleep rather early. Drinking at my age doesn't go down well."

"Went to sleep early? Wasn't a fun date?" he looks at me through his yellow tinted sunglasses.

"If you consider someone mansplain crypto to you for 3 hours to be fun, then yes, it was a thrilling experience." I look up at him. "My friend made me go."

"Oh." he seems relieved. "You were listening to him so intently, wouldn't have guessed it wasn't intentional."

"So you are following me. Thought I felt someone's stare burning into my head." I tease.

"Only a little." he smiles and takes another sip. "So, you said it's not easy at your age. Couldn't think you are older than 27, how old are you? If you don't mind me asking. Definitely not for my following purposes."

I laugh. It feels so easy to talk to him, but I have to rip off the bandate.

"I am 32 and I have to be honest with you. I am single but I have a kid."

This seems to have taken him aback. Which is often how it goes, I try not to seem hurt, already coming up with an excuse to leave.

"Can I get your instagram, Ria?" he asks.

My head snaps to look at him, this is the last thing I expected to hear.

"You are a funny guy, Joost."

He hands me his phone to type in my name in the search.

"I have to go now, but I do believe in fate. It is trying to tell us something making us meet again." he stretches out a hand for me to shake. I take it. Here is that feeling again.

As I walk back to my apartment, I get an instagram notification.

joostklein just started following you.

Chapter 2

#joost klein #joost klein x reader #my writing

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olderthannetfic · 13 hours

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Those asks about the Whoopsie~ I wrote a long fic by accident!! Are hitting square in the chest lol. I honestly went through a phase that was like that though. It was almost a manic writing high where everything I wrote turned into a monster work for a year straight. I'd have a 10k one shot or maybe a 3 chapter 20k fic in mind and those would easily wind up double or even triple what I intended.

Most of which I completed. (Not all. I left the fandom late last year and wound up leaving a couple behemoths unfinished.) How I managed to complete so many of them (somewhere in the low 20s) I still don't really know but I wound up publishing around 1 Million words of fic in a year's time and became increasingly frustrated with myself because it was like a switch got flipped in my brain and I couldn't flip it back.

I had a beta reader quit on me out of "concern for my mental health" and that might've been somewhat warranted but mostly it felt like concern trolling. I was really happy most of the time to be able to write so consistently for the first time since I was a teenager and didn't have the overly critical hesitation that came with the development of an Adult Sense of Shame & Integrity. But it was a double edged sword. I didn't know the world of hurt that was coming for me.

It wasn't just my fics getting too long but my chapter lengths were frequently sitting around the 9k mark, and one of my fics had multiple 13k to 17k chapters and I gained a reputation for it. (Which became it's own problem.) Along with really fast turnaround times. I could write a lot and write quickly for the first time ever in my 20 years of writing. And it was good. Some of the best work I've ever done. That high was insane.

And then I hit the worst kind of burnout I have ever experienced after that period, around August of last year. I'm still not fully recovered. And I'm not really sure where that momentum came from or how I maintained it. I want a middle ground and have yet to acquire the skill for moderate momentum. I tend to not take fanfic too seriously because it's always been an outlet for me. Meant to be fun.

I would love to be able to figure out the happy medium but in that time period I did not. And I still haven't. My brain apparently had two modes: WRITE ALL THE WORDS. Or YES. GIVE US NOTHING, KING.

I would also really like to recover from this burnout. Woof. It's been almost a year since I hit that wall. In the time since I have written barely anything. Just a little 8k one shot that I am not that pleased with and the start of a long fic that it takes me months to get a single 4k chapter done for.

In the end, I suspect it was just a perfect storm of inspiration, free time, and a healthy Fandom that was supportive (at the time). I learned a lot in that period, too. It was one of those "Hey I'm improving!" upswings but on steroids. Not sure it was worth the cost in the end. I can barely write now.

Brains are weird. That's my explanation for a lot of writing-related things.

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outrunningthedark · 5 hours

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yeh listen it’s performative activism. There been ALOT of it lately.

Whether he was hacked or not. It was posted. They look it and fucking ran with it and spread it like wildfire very quickly.

And this is definitely the first time I’ve seen them care about any type of ableism this loudly. Convenient? Yes. Would they have been this loud if any other actor posted anything like that? No.

Which is why I do not take them seriously.

Be consistent in giving a shit about serious issues. Not when an actor you want gone does them.

Yep, thank you! I'm just speaking for myself here, maybe other disabled fans will agree and maybe they won't, but for ME? LFJ being ableist - if we take a post a face value for the sake of argument - could not be lower on my list of things to care about. He has been on the show for basically ten minutes and we don't know how long he's sticking around. New side character *possibly* being ableist? Alert ABC and Tim, omg!!! /s You know what I do care about? Gavin/Chris being part of the show for SIX YEARS and nobody in that cast says a goddamn word in support of the disabled. I bet they don't even know that Disability Pride Month is a thing. (That's in July, btw, friends. It's not Gay Wrath Month.) The 911 socials get dragged if they don't post enough Eddie and get praised for queer positivity, but it's [crickets] when the entire month of July goes by without anything for the disabled community. And yes, I do side-eye tf out of Ryan and Oliver in particular since they are the two that spend the MOST time with the LONE main disabled actor. And you know what this fandom does when I mention it? "Welllll, maybe they don't feel comfortable posting since it's not their place." I'm sorry, what? That logic damn sure does not apply anytime Oliver is speaking up for the LGBTQ+ community when he is presenting as a cishet or the black community when he is undeniably white. If you're (gen) gonna suddenly act like the new LI being "ableist" is an issue, then I'm gonna need you to use your instagrams and twitters to ask everyone else why they don't give a fuck about us, either. But that would make you look like a bad fan, right? And you need to be liked, right? Especially in front of your faves? Your babies? 🥱

#anonymous #tina speaks #tv: 911 #tv: 9-1-1

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penkura · 10 hours

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Fever Dream [2/2]

Note: Hi! This is part 2 of the request from the lovely @xxchaosjojoxx for Penguin x Reader! :) I finally got it done, I really hope you guys will like it as much as the first part! It may have gotten away from me, sometimes I don't know how to stop myself and just add more parts, that's probably why the WCI chapter of 'knowing' was almost 8k words. :')

Oh well, again, hope you all enjoy!

Part 1 here!

Taglist:

@bby-deerling | @xxchaosjojoxx

Penguin doesn’t think anything is wrong the next day, not at first anyway. He’s finally over his fever with strict orders from Law to take it easy and let others help him out, which he promises to do with the threat of toilet cleaning duty over his head, the thought of asking you or Shachi more than anyone else, especially when he goes to greet you that morning before breakfast.

Only, you give him a wide-eyed look before shouting your own ‘good morning’ and quickly walking past him, saying you’re starving and want to get breakfast right away, when Ikkaku asks what’s wrong. When your best friend sees Penguin is the reason you’ve run to the kitchen faster than she’s ever seen, Ikkaku just smiles a bit, laughing slightly.

“Oh it’s you, Penguin. Morning, happy to see you’re better!”

“Ha, thanks, Ikkaku,” before she gets past him to kitchen, Penguin grabs her wrist to stop her, “Is [Y/N] okay…? She’s never run away from me before.”

“Mm,” nodding, Ikkaku keeps grinning like a devil before Penguin lets her wrist go and she pats him on the shoulder, “She’s doing great, thanks to you.”

Ikkaku doesn’t tell him anything else, not even when Penguin tilts his head in confusion and tries to ask what she means, she just continues on to the kitchen. He follows suit shortly after, catching your eye again and giving you a smile, but it falters when you look away quickly, turning to Jean Bart and asking him something. That’s not normal for you, anytime Penguin speaks to you or gives you a smile, you always reciprocate, you have from the very beginning. When you joined the Heart Pirates you seemed so nervous about everything, Penguin made it his job to help you get comfortable, he didn’t really expect to fall in love with you over that time. He seriously thought you felt the same, that he’d be able to ask you out soon and start courting you.

But now he has to wonder what he did to make you be like this around him. A few of your crewmates notice the difference, shaking their heads at Penguin or snickering over it, especially when you finish your breakfast and take off before he can stop you. It starts to frustrate him, to the point Penguin looks at everyone still around with a frown, though some of them don’t meet his eye (granted they can’t even see his eyes but still).

“…what the hell happened?”

+!+

You don’t stay around Penguin for very long that day, if you can help it. Law paired you both up briefly to wash the dishes, Penguin being surprised when you put your headphones on and ignore him this time. Whenever you do any task together, the two of you would have a blast, chatting or swapping jokes or book recommendations, time flying by and you both feeling like you’ve gotten closer. You’ve been a Heart Pirate for five years now, there’s still so much Penguin has to learn about you he feels like, but if you won’t even talk to him now, it feels like your growing relationship, still a friendship, is starting to backslide.

And he doesn’t know why. You were fine two days ago, what happened yesterday?

“Shachi…” Penguin’s whining pulls Shachi’s focus from his task of checking supplies, Law wanting one more run to the island before you all take off. He barely looks at his lifelong friend before going back to making notes on what the ship could use extra of, since the next potential stop is weeks away from the current one.

“What’s up, Pen?”

“[Y/N]’s been ignoring or running from me all day!”

“Oh yeah?” He snickers a bit, knowing exactly why, Ikkaku had told him and Shachi may have let it slip to a few people who knew how smitten you two were with each other. He really did hope this was the push you both needed to get your relationship going.

“I can’t figure out why, and everyone keeps shaking their heads at me! Did I do something??”

“…wait, you don’t remember?” Shachi stops writing to finally look at Penguin, who shakes his head with a pout.

“No! And if someone says that one more time, I’m going to—”

“Dude, you told her you love her.”

Penguin stops ranting and rambling when Shachi says that, his eyes widening as he barely manages to get a quiet ‘huh’ out before his friend nods.

“Ikkaku said that [Y/N] told her you thought she was Ikka, and were asking how to tell her that you love her—”

“I don’t—” Penguin feels his face turning red and starts to pull his hat down over his face.

“—and then you kissed her before passing out from your fever. That’s the basic gist of it, man.”

Shachi is somewhat amused seeing Penguin fully cover his face with his hat, a bright red blush showing through what’s visible. Twenty-eight and still nervous as hell when it came to romance, no matter how times he’s flirted with other women in the past, it stopped the second he met you when you joined them. It was like a flip switched in Penguin’s brain that told him ‘she’s the one!’ and he’s been enamored with you ever since.

Not like you didn’t feel the same, he’d heard it from Ikkaku constantly. She tells him everything about what you say regarding Penguin, how much you like him back and wish you could make a move but you didn’t want to ruin your friendship in the process. A fair reason, though if you’d only known sooner how in love Penguin was, you probably wouldn’t be running from him all day. Penguin probably wouldn’t be going through such mental anguish and feeling like he’s done a terrible thing by kissing you like that.

He keeps muttering about how that was so wrong, he messed up, you must hate him now. How could you not? He probably just stole your first kiss! And without even asking if he could kiss you! That wasn’t fair to you, he just feels awful about it.

Letting him have a few minutes, Shachi eventually pats Penguin on the shoulder, giving him a smile.

“You should go sit down and talk to her. You guys need to work this out, but I doubt she’s mad at you.”

“Shach—”

“She’s probably more embarrassed than anything, based on what Ikka told me. So just go give it your best shot, Pen.”

+!+

Law pairs you up again that day to work on the crew’s laundry, something that shouldn’t take long or cause Penguin enough stress to make his fever come back. The only thing really stressing him out is the fact you still haven’t really spoken to him, except when you tell him you’re taking clothes to their respective owners. The few times you leave to do so, he tries to hype himself up and convince himself to just talk to you, see if you’re mad or if you’re willing to work things out with him.

When you come back the last time, no headphones in sight, he feels like he has a chance.

“Captain wants me to help him with something, can you finish here?”

His shoulders slump and he’s about to say that he’ll be fine, but instead Penguin shakes his head.

“No, uh, I mean, yeah I can, but…can we talk?”

You bite your lip a bit, Penguin not looking at you, and you shake your head slightly.

“What’s there to talk about? You were sick, it wasn’t on purpose.”

“But what I did was wrong, even if it was because of my fever.”

The way he sounds when he speaks almost sets you off, you almost start telling him that no it wasn’t a big deal, you have the same feelings for him. You were just shocked he returned them! Okay maybe a little embarrassed still, but that was all on you, he’s the first person you’ve ever kissed, you don’t know how to handle it yet.

“I,” you want to tell Penguin he really didn’t do anything wrong, but even though you can’t see his eyes for that hat, you feel like he’s giving you puppy dog eyes and you’re going to absolutely break down and try to kiss him if this keeps up, “I need to go!”

“No, wait, please!!” Penguin grabs your arm, nearly begging you to stay, “I…I’m sorry for kissing you! But I…I love you! So please…stop running away from me.”

You’re both silent for several minutes, you still don’t look at Penguin and it makes him so much more anxious. He needed to apologize, right? That would fix it, it would fix everything. He was delusional and didn’t think that fever dream was reality, he made a mistake and kissed you without permission or knowing he was even doing it. He felt so bad about it, that’s not how it should’ve gone!

“This wasn’t…how I wanted to tell you…”

“…how did you want to tell me?”

“I…I wanted to take you on a date,” he quietly speaks, while you turn around and watch him, Penguin doesn’t lift his head to look at you, “I was going to take you out yesterday but, well, you know…”

“Yeah, I know,” the laugh you give when you respond makes Penguin finally look back to you, he’s almost shocked to see the blush on your face as you slip your hand into his and lace your fingers together, “I would’ve said yes, if you asked.”

“…yeah?”

Nodding, you let Penguin pull you closer to himself, slipping his other arm around your shoulders in a hug that you return. He’s honestly glad to hear that you’d agree to a date with him, finally deciding to ask you today.

“So…will you go out with me tomorrow? Before we leave the island.”

“I’d like nothing more, Penguin.”

“And,” he takes a breath and sets his forehead against your own, giving you a better look at his pretty blue eyes and the blush across his own face while you smile, “Can I kiss you…for real this time?”

You giggle a but and nod, wrapping your arms around his shoulders.

“To your heart’s content.”

You’ll probably have to talk about things more later, but the grin Penguin gives you before properly kissing you makes you forget about anything else you wanted to say.

At least until Law comes looking for you and has to break you apart before you two take things too far, deciding that he’s not going to be pairing you up for tasks again anytime soon. You and Penguin making out isn’t what he meant by taking it easy.

#one piece x reader #reader insert #penguin x reader #op penguin x reader #fem!reader

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goodluckclove · 22 hours

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How Clove Gardener Writes (an Overview)

I definitely told myself when I started this blog a billion years ago, at the dawn of human civilization, that I wouldn't make any attempt to tell you how to write. You know - other than saying just do it do the thing write it close the blog open the document type type three sentences bam look you did it good job i love you now go get yourself a treat.

But I've spoken to a few writers who seem to benefit from the insight of me just explaining how I write. So I thought I'd give a little peek into my own mindset. I cannot stress enough that this is what works for me. It's a methodology that I've built up over the course of like fifteen years of trying different things, keeping what works, and throwing the rest right out the goddamned window.

If any of this seems new and appealing give it a try. If it doesn't help I'm wrong and bad as a person (no I'm kidding but seriously if it doesn't work that's fine and we're both fine). If it helps you owe me a picture of a frog drawn from memory.

Let's see how long I ramble. Follow me under the read more!

Okay, so let's get this out of the way. I've never taken a writing class. No, that's not true. I took one when I was thirteen and another one in high school and I don't remember anything either of them taught me. Oh and I took an online creative writing class in college, but I also didn't retain anything and the next year I dropped out of college. So I also don't have a degree in jack shit.

What else? I don't outline. I've written upwards of 15 novels (13-15, I honestly can't remember) and I did not outline any of them. This includes character sheets and worldbuilding lore. My first published novel Blind Trust was born from the concept of the Lover's Knot, which is just like some witchy magic lore. I thought it would be cool so I was like "who could maybe be some guys" and then I introduced some guys and then bam 180k later it was Scott and Edgar.

I do virtually no preparation to write a novel other than the vaguest premise and maybe like one cool scene. I did not have a cool scene for Blind Trust, but I do have one for Migration Patterns. What I don't have is an ending. I don't think I've ever written a novel knowing how it ends.

Literally here's what I do. This is all I do. I sit down and I write until I don't know what's going to happen next, at which point I step away and I listen to some music or I go to the museum or I take a nap until I decide how to continue. That's it.

For me it's going to the zoo every day and seeing the monkeys. And every day they're doing something different. Sometimes they're sleeping, or they're pawing at each other, or they're gathering sticks. I can call out to them and offer to show them a card trick or share my Bugles with them, and they might come up to the wall of the enclosure to see what I'm doing. Or they might not. I do not really have control of the situation, but it doesn't matter because they aren't fully aware of me.

At some point either I have to leave the zoo for some reason. Maybe I'm tired, or maybe the monkeys have been pulled in to be fed their lunch (it's bananas and peanuts). Either way I add that day's behavior to the pile and then come back tomorrow.

Once I find an ending I go back and I read through the book again and trim any fat that's in the wrong places while adding flesh to some naked bones. Then I wait a week or more (usually I can only wait a week) and go back and do it again. By that point it's ready to hopefully have someone read it, after which I make small edits and tweaks.

That's how I do it. Or at least, that's how I do it for longform prose projects that I plan to publish. I've written plenty of novels that just stayed first drafts because I didn't feel like revising them and then I moved on to the next one. I don't regret that. I don't consider it a waste of time.

I would never consider a trip to the zoo a waste of time.

Anyways, that's what works for me. I don't know if all of this will apply to other brains. I don't know if any of it will. I figure it might just be useful to get an in-depth look at what I personally vibe with.

I'm so down to talk writing at any time, by the way. I love to do it. Tell me why you aren't writing and I would be happy to listen and try to help. Or just brainstorm. Seriously, my DMs and inbox are perpetually open. Talking about writing is one of my favorite things to do.

Let's go look at some monkeys together.

#writeblr #writing community #on writing #writing resources #writers of tumblr #authors of tumblr #writing #writers on tumblr #actually writing

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buckttommy · 2 days

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Funny you tell people to @ you and not your friends, right after you say “I can’t be bothered” and dismiss LFJ’s absolutely disgusting bigoted actions. You know they are not defensible and are on par with/worse than Edy - especially since he has not addressed it and is STILL doing it. Hacking, give me a break…it is and was right there in plain sight 💀 But goodness knows you won’t let anything threaten the hyperfetishizaton that you latched onto with BT! Because that’s clearly all you care about!

You’re so embarrassing and I can’t believe I used to enjoy your takes 😅 Wonder what you will do when BT is bones.

Okay, this is going to be my actual last post on the topic.

I tell people to @ me because going through my friends is pointless. What do you think Kay is going to do? You think she's going to take my phone away? Put me on punishment? I'm a grown woman. Nobody is responsible for me except me. You don't like what I say, you tell me about it, and deal with it, whether I respond to you or not. That's what an adult does. Shall I assume you aren't one?

"I can't be bothered," meaning, I can't be bothered to discourse or debate. I simply have no desire to. I have no interest in wasting my time or energy answering a bunch of asks saying the same thing, or reblogging a bunch of posts that say the same thing, especially when I've said everything I need to say. As a personal rule, I don't repeat myself. I'm not going to start now, especially not for you—any of you.

I haven't seen the post that led to whatever is happening right now. Everything I've heard is hearsay. You want me to condemn something I haven't seen; I won't do that. I'm not a mindless follower that goes with the flow because other people are as well. You want me to make a "statement," (which, why would you? I'm not important enough for a press release), maybe make sure I know what people are talking about before getting on me for "dismissing" something, even though my earlier points about the uselessness of mechanical apologies still stand.

You seem to be under the impression that I'm a hardcore Lou stan. I'm not. The only members of the cast I ride hard for are Ryan and Oliver. Maybe the rest of the main cast. Everyone else is just whatever. He's attractive in certain angles and I have empathy for him regarding his dad, but that's about as far as my attachment to LFJ goes.

"Hyperfestishization." Respectfully, I would take this point a lot more seriously if it wasn't soaked in blatant hypocrisy. Hyperfestishization. What does that even mean? You mean writing cutesy little headcanons for BuckTommy? Writing smut? Which is the same thing I did for Buddie? Let's be serious, my love. You can say you don't like the ship, or people who ship it, and let that be it. There doesn't have to be a moral wrong involved. You can just hate a thing and be done with it.

You know what, I am embarrassing. But so are you. You wrote an entire paragraph behind the safety of anon on a dead, bankrupt website because a random person you don't even know didn't respond to the actions of a white man the way you think they should. The call is coming from inside the house.

What am I going to do if BT is bones? The same thing I'm gonna do if Buddie is bones, or if Buddie is endgame, or if BuckTommy is endgame—I'm going to live my life. I feel like... this is something some people genuinely do not understand. This is not my life. This show? These people? These characters? This is not my life. I love 9-1-1. I love BuckTommy. I love Buddie. I love the cast. I do not live in service of this show or these ships or these people. I'll be sad, and then I'll move on, because when I close my laptop or turn off my phone or TV, all of this ceases to exist. You should try it sometime.

Well. I think that about covers it, don't you? Best of luck doing... whatever it is you're doing. Have fun?

#jack answers mail #tv: 911 #one and done

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pirateswhore · 10 months

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not all older fans have a christian mom view of cs and see killian as a macho man, ur over generalizing and being a bit ageist.

hi !! I never said that all older fans hold that view, it's just the vibe I've picked up on since *checks calendar* mid 2019. I also never stated it was a negative thing, just a fun little observation I've made of how differently some people engage with the ship relative to my own headcanons of them !! <3 you definitely have older fans that align more with the younger headcanons and vice versa !

#also please guys dont ever take me seriously #i don't take myself or anything seriously #i ramble on and on about these motherfuckers and half my headcanons dont align with each other #and if im being honest killian is BOTH a macho man and baby girl #yes ues the duality of man <33 #i love the older fans; they're some of the sweetest most caring people I've met online !!#asks

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welcometogrouchland · 16 days

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(ID in alt) I literally said I was gonna post this month's ago and then never had the wherewithal to describe it and so I didn't Lmao (said with pain). But since I'm thinking of opening my commissions I figured I should remind ppl that I. Yknow. Can draw.

Lots of Steph here (I had major art block making all of these and my brain worms for her kept me going) + some sprinkles of stephcass for Cass nation to enjoy!

#dc comics #dc #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #jason todd #(yes for the teddy bear. it counts)#batgirl #batgirls #mine #< keep forgetting to tag my art as that I'm terrible 😭#ANYHOW I'm slowly getting back into drawing again after my last ipad got nuked (cant think abt that or ill cry) and i finished uni #oh yeah j finished my first year of uni btw. i went to an Olivia Rodrigo concert like a week or 2 ago. I've been busy lol #but yeah it's looking like I've got a fun summer of bottom feeding ahead of me now that I've officially been told i got passed over for that #-comic job i applied for. lol. lmao even #it's fine honestly it was a pretty daunting prospect i just have to find a way to fill the time by myself now #I've plenty of comics to read so that's nice. got wayyy into mark waids DD run recently (mostly for Chris Samnee's art)#so that's been fun! i have my empowered omnibus (embarrassing and kept under my bed <3) i have TT year 1 i have huntress and WW #uhhh i got flash 1 minute war. lots of good stuff!#so hopefully i don't go. completely feral from lack of stimulation #also hopefully commissions will be a thing i can do #godddd there's many mkre things i want to draw. i got too enamoured w my own bad theory and now I've drawn tim!bats #but unfortunately now i only want to draw tim!bats being laughed at my the batfamily bc seriously tim?? really??#< it's literally probably not going to happen but I've invested myself in this terrible future for some reason #imagine damian trying to robin for tim!bats for 1 (one) night and the next morning he doesn't say anything he just moves to bludhaven #he can't take this shit #oh so many ideas...#ANYWAY. ues. finally art. now if you like it. consider commissioning me (in 2 to 3 business weeks <3)#(no pressure)

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deoidesign · 7 months

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Are you slowly going insane over your OWN ocs?

No, I've been infected by brainworms the entire time. Nothing slow about it.

But honestly, no... It's not really about my characters to me. I love my characters, of course, and I love telling stories, and I hope to keep making art of my characters every day until I die.

But it's not about them! They're not REALLY what I love, what I love is people! And I hope I can leave the world with a hundred different love letters so my readers can feel how much I love them for even one day longer than I am here.

My characters are a conduit through which I can give that to people. I want nothing more than to make someone feel a little more loved, a little more seen, and a little less alone. And my characters are the best way I know how to do that.

So for that, they're incredibly important to me... But they're not for me. They're for you!

So I hope you enjoy them

and I hope you can feel that I love you through them.

#personally I dont like to use the word insane to describe myself or others #I struggle with many things but when it comes to my characters #I am nothing but concrete #determined #and absolutely positively headstrong through and through.#I don't take myself too seriously #And I don't hold too much sacred that I do #I really just want to make the world slightly better #for even one person #anyways.#asks #izzy-fishy #oh this is also why I hate like... advertising #and locking anything behind a paywall #and just. all of that stuff #I wish I could just make money drawing whatever and everything I do were free with no issues #but the best way for me to pay my bills and make more art is for some of it to be for money... so.#unfortunately I dont get to truly live my dream #where I spend all day teaching people how to draw and making them art they love #ALAS!!!#capitalism

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brown-little-robin · 3 months

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AUGH

#Robin processes emotions on main #so for my honors project I HAVE to print out copies of my poetry chapbook. and I HAVE to do it with the Official Campus Print System.#and the Official Campus Print System only prints things that are made using PROPRIETARY DESIGN SOFTWARE #that not ONLY would I have to pay multiple tens of dollars a month for #it isn't even compatible with my computer apparently.#WHAT IF I JUST DROPPED OUT OF THE HONORS PROGRAM RIGHT NOW. WHAT THEN. WHAT WOULD THEY DO ABOUT IT #SIIIIIIIIGH #I hate not knowing what I'm doing!!!#I don't usually get angry at anything but this is making me angry because it's so POINTLESS #just let me print my stupid poetry book in PEACE 😭 I'd even bind it myself if I had to!!!#I would actually be seriously considering dropping out of honors right now except for 3 things #1) I do want to finish writing this chapbook. I do want to physically produce it (though I'm frustrated with the requirements for that).#2) I'm working with my favorite professor on this project and I don't want to give up that experience #and 3) if I lost these 2 credits it would mean I'd have to take a whole nother semester of a summer class. and pay for it. yikes.

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atlasmoonglade · 6 hours

Text

Joost Klein x OC!single mom

Chapter 1

Warnings: divorce mentioned, smut in later chapters.

This is just for fun, don't take too seriously.

Chapter 2

I scroll through Joost's Instagram realising I don't actually know anything about him.

A DM from the man I am currently stalking pops up at the top of my screen.

So, a singer, huh?

Surprised?

Honestly yes. Thought you would be a builder with such a strong back.

Still can't believe I almost knocked someone out just by standing.

Well, I did most of the work.

Joost Klein sent a post by ria3.jpg

ria3.jpg endless walks

Where was this taken? he asks.

I was visiting a friend and we would go on these long walks to catch up on everything.

He types, but then stops. Types and stops again.

Come for a run with me tomorrow morning?

Oh.

Define morning..

Like 8am? It will be more of a light jog, just something to start a day with a clear head.

I have to be back by noon.

Deal. Meet me next to the same coffee shop tomorrow 8am.

I put on my comfortable sneakers preparing for "a run" and head out. I am excited to see Joost again. Yesterday we spent a few hours sending each other's posts asking questions, sharing stories. I was complimenting his every outfit. It's been a while since I met a new friend, I don't usually have a lot of free time to maintain a new relationship.

Elliot is coming back today from staying at Nicholas' place. I thought I would have a relaxing time, which turned out to be a complete opposite. I miss Elliot too much and can't think of what to do with myself without him. Can't wait to hear about all the fun things he was up to, for his young age he is an incredible storyteller.

"There you are." a voice which already became familiar calls out. Joost is wearing a hat, black red hot chili peppers t-shirt and a pair of shorts. I can't fail to notice how much I like the shirt clinging to his body.

"Nice to see you early bird. So, where are we heading?" I block the sun shining in my eyes with my hand.

"I've been running every day since I arrived here, I already know a few good routes. Let's go." He waves a hand motioning for me to follow.

He leads, I follow.

"What thoughts are we running from?" I ask keeping up with him.

The corners of his mouth turn up into a slight smile. "It changes from day to day, just general anxiety I guess." He turns to look at me. "Do you not feel that way?"

"I do." I confess. "My way of coping is less active though - I journal." It is so easy to share things with him. It feels like he truly cares.

We continue running talking about what we did last week, he shares that he is here to write a song. We talk about music and his career, while pointing out various beautiful views. He stops a few times to snap photos.

"Stay like this. Looks really good." he points his phone at me. "You can capture this one endless runs." I laugh and he takes a photo. He puts his phone back in the pocket.

"Did it turn out good?" I ask.

"There is no way it didn't." He looks at me squinting from the bright sun.

"Because you are such a talented photographer?"

"Sure. Because of that." he smirks and continues walking.

"What are your plans for today? You said you have to be back by noon." he asks as I catch up to walk by his side, our arms slightly touching. I pull back.

"I have to get back home, my son is coming back from staying with his dad for the weekend." I say.

"How old is he? Your son."

"Recently turned 6."

He turns to look at me and smiles, continues walking forward.

"What?" I ask.

"Still can't believe you are someone's mom."

"Why? How do you imagine a mom?"

"I don't know." he looks forward. Silent for a moment. "Are you one of those milfs everyone keeps talking about?"

I push at his arm immediately getting an ick at what he said. "What the fuck dude" He bursts out laughing. I laugh too.

"Can't believe you just said that. What is wrong with you." I push him again, his arm feels tense under my touch.

He fixes his hat, turning to look straight ahead. "Sorry, it just slipped out." He smirks. I shake my head and laugh.

We continue our run.

"Thank you for agreeing to join me." Joost says as we come back to where we started.

"You are welcome. I had more fun than I expected." I say taking out a bottle of water.

"It was actually the first time I invited someone. I usually prefer to spend the morning alone." he says smoothing out the hem of his t-shirt.

"Oh." I look up at him. "An honor to be your first companion." I smile at him.

"Yeah so, head is cleared. I need to take a shower and head back to the studio." He takes off his hat to run a hand through his hair. It looks incredibly soft. I catch myself imagining how it would feel to touch.

I shake my head. The run did the opposite of clearing my head.

"When can I see you next?" he asks.

"I am not sure yet. I'm gonna be spending some time with Elliot."

"Sure." he smiles and pauses. "I have a concert coming up later this week. I can get you tickets, if you will find time for it."

"I will let you know." I return his smile.

"Hope you do." he stretches out his hand for me to shake like last time. I take it. His hand is firm to the touch and so pleasingly warm. After a moment we pull apart and go our separate ways.

I spent the last couple of days with Elliot. We played video games, went to the park for a picnic eating ice cream and laughing at each other's remarks about the movie we watched earlier. He truly is my best friend. I am so happy he turned out the way he did. I was worried me and Nicholas separating would affect him negatively, which I do notice some signs of, but me and Nicholas keep it friendly and keep him out of our differences.

As I get into my bed, I realise it has been radio silent between me and Joost after our run. To be honest he has been the first one to start the conversation the last time, I need to put it the effort too.

How have you been? I type.

No...too formal. I delete it.

Hi.

No, that's boring.

Any progress in the studio?

I hit send. No need to overthink it.

As I wait for the reply, I decide to check out his music. I put on my earphones and turn on the first song on Spotify.

My phone chimes as I listen to the songs and read the lyrics.

Joost Klein

Actually yes. We finally recorded the chorus.

Joost Klein

What is new with you?

I open the DMs.

Glad to hear that!! ❤️

Just living my milf life, you know how it is.

LMAO

I'm actually pleasantly surprised to hear from you. Started to think I scared you away last time.

You would have to do a lot more to scare me.

Oh yeah?

I was just listening to your songs. I have to say I really like them. I was bopping my head along.

Some really serious topics hidden behind fun melodies. Feels strange to say I am getting to know you through your songs.

You could hear them live, you know? My offer still stands. It's on Friday.

I pause to think about it. Elliot will be with his dad again, I could go technically. Do I go alone?

Ok. One ticket please. How much do I owe you? I send.

He read the message, but is taking his time to reply. I look at the typing bubbles appear and disappear.

Don't be silly, I already said I will get it for you. Tickets are now secured.

Good Night, Ria. Talk to you tomorrow.

Good night, Joost.

Next chapter will be a long one!

#joost klein #joost klein x reader #my writing

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spookyxsprinkles · 5 months

Text

Freezer Burn

todoroki touya × gender neutral and poc friendly reader

not safe for work // 6.3k words // AO3. warnings: angst, break up, arguing, crying, touya has an avoidant attachment style, dialogue heavy, poor communication, nipple biting, oral, possessive, fingering, spooky doesn't know how to write.

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"Don't be so melodramatic. We weren't even dating," Touya said, taking his keys out of his pocket.

"I--I know but... you know what I mean."

"What do you expect me to say?" He scoffed. "That I'm sorry? 'Cause I'm not. I don't want this."

"Liar."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." He opened the door of your apartment and walked out towards his car.

"You think I don't know you're pushing me away on purpose?" You follow him out, not caring that you had different shoes on. "As much as you like to pretend you don't care, I know you--"

He interrupted you with an angry laugh, before turning to face you as he reached the sidewalk in front of his car. "You must be delusional if you think you have me all figured out. Don't tell me what I feel. You don't fucking know me."

His car's lights flashed as it unlocked and he opened the door, standing there and glaring at you like if you had spit in his face. Maybe, in his mind, you did.

"I don't need to know every little thing about you to know that you're lying to yourself because you're afraid."

"Afraid of what, huh? Afraid that I'll actually start to care about you as more than just a hole I use to get my rocks off, before ghosting you like all the others that came before? Yeah, you're not special, sweetheart," his hands trembled with fury.

You visibly flinched at his words.

You knew he was right. You were acquainted with him through mutual friends for quite some time before getting physically involved with him. You knew of his non-committal self-sabotaging tendencies. You knew, but it didn't make his words hurt any less.

A flash of guilt flickered in his icy eyes but it disappeared just as soon as it came thanks to the scorching heat of his emotions. You swallowed the lump forming in your throat, trying to keep your voice steady as you spoke quietly with stinging eyes.

"Maybe I'm not special, but at least I can be honest with myself. Which is more than you can say about yourself."

He threw his hands up in the air, laughing. "Real cute coming from you. I'm not the one that's so desperate for attention I start writing sappy love stories in my head. Maybe someday you'll find someone who wants to deal with this shit, but it's not gonna be me."

He moved to get in his car, so you took a few steps forward which was enough to catch his attention and stop him from getting in.

"You were just as lonely and desperate for attention as me when we first met, Touya. You parade around all day acting like you don't care about anything, you can't feel anything, but if that was the case you wouldn't come back. You always come back home."

It was a slip up a few months ago. The two of you were out with some friends at a karaoke room and he said he wanted to go home. You never brought it up to him, but he could tell from the way you nearly choked on your food, that you heard him. Since then, every time he heard the word 'home' he'd think about that moment and regret letting himself drink enough to forget his common fucking sense.

And now you had acknowledged that it was a real moment that actually happened when he'd much rather shove the memory away and pretend it was something someone else said. Someone not him.

You stood a few feet in front of him, sniffling and staring down at the tires of his car that he had taught you how to change and fill with air without you asking him to.

"You're the most stubborn person I've ever met. You never do anything you don't want to do, but you kept coming back." You wiped your nose, ignoring the feeling of the hot tears spilling down your cheeks. "Even now, you're still standing here, talking with me instead of leaving. If you didn't care, you would have already left."

He froze as if you had pushed the pause button on his anger. He stared at you intensely. The only sounds breaking the silence was a dog barking at sirens in the distance and your sniffles.

He hated that you were right.

"So what?"

He got in his car, slamming the door in anger and started the engine.

He buckled his seat belt and turned in his seat to look through the rear window as he slowly backed out of the parking space.

You panicked, suddenly shoving your upper body inside his open window.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing!?" He hit the breaks immediately, causing you to flail as you lost your balance and he swiftly grabbed your arms to keep you from slipping and busting your head on asphalt.

"W--We haven't finished talking..!" You gasped, feeling your heartbeat pounding in your chest. "If you leave now, you'll only feel worse later!"

He simply stared at you in disbelief. His mind was screaming at him to get the hell out of there. The only thing stopping him from flooring the gas pedal was the fact that your legs still dangled helplessly outside of the car as you struggled to get inside.

You looked ridiculously stupid as you clung to the window with a tear streaked face. You also seemed so determined…

"Get out of my car," he snapped. "Right now."

He released a hand from you and moved it towards the handle of the door, but you caught his wrist with your hands.

"No," you said as firmly as your grip on his wrist.

His eyes watched as you continued to struggle to balance your body on the door comfortably. He had no idea what your endgame was here.

"You're fucking crazy."

"I love you, Touya," you gasped out. "I'm in love with you and I know you're afraid. I know you've been hurt before. I know you hate everything that's happening right now, but I can't let you leave like this." You tried wiping your eye by rubbing it against your shoulder, before looking back at him.

"I won't force you to stay with me and I won't force you to share things you don't want to share, but I also won't let you run away without us properly talking things through. If we're gonna break up then I don't want to let it end with that as one of our regrets."

He hated that you weren't giving up on him so easily.

Touya stared at you as you spoke. You were so calm and reasonable in spite of the ridiculous position you were in. There was no anger or irritation in your voice, just sincerity and...

He let out a deep breath in an attempt to stay calm.

"That's very big of you," he said defensively. He was always so defensive. "Trust me, it's better this way."

Your eyes studied his face before you decide to take the plunge and vocalize the thoughts that had been swimming around in your head recently. "Is it better or is it just the easiest way to avoid your feelings of inadequacy and fear of rejection?"

You watched as his eyes widened a minuscule amount that likely would've gone unnoticed if you hadn't known him for so long. You could feel the flames of his rage from the way his face contorted, his mouth opening to set you ablaze.

Your hands slipped down from his wrist to hold his hand gently in yours, your thumbs resting on the back of his hand.

Your grip was loose. He could easily pulled himself free if he wanted to.

But he didn't.

And that's all you needed.

"I've seen you be blunt beyond the point of just being rude to others and to yourself. You have standards that make it easy for you to look down on those who don't meet them yet even the ones that do fit them get pushed away. You easily say whatever's on your mind, unless what's on your mind risks leaving you vulnerable."

Your thumbs delicately drew circles into the dark marks on the back of his hand that were uniquely his. A sad smile marred your face as you continued to speak.

"I'm always watching you, always listening." Your eyes looked up into his, persevering through his gaze that scorched anything he deemed a threat. "You'd rather be alone than feel alone."

He was speechless as he watched you speak. You read him like an open book. A book he routinely burned whenever someone poked and prodded in a pathetic attempt to get closer to him. How had he let his fire get extinguished so easily? How did it not burn you like it did everyone else?

Like it burned him.

Even he was unable to escape his own flames unscathed.

The fantasy that played in his mind's eye was one where you patiently stood before him as the smoke cleared. His eyes stung and his breathing hitched at the thought.

He sighed deeply, looking more tired than you'd ever seen him before.

"I was serious," his words and tone contrasting with the heavy look he carried on his face. "You're wasting your time if you expect me to tell me what you wanna hear."

You shook your head, "I'm not asking you to say it back. I don't need words when your actions mean more to me." I bring his knuckles to my lips, pressing a soft kiss before looking into his eyes, "Besides, if it's time you're worried about, I wouldn't mind wasting it together."

His entire body reflexively ached to leave at the display of vulnerability, yet he couldn't tear his eyes away from you.

Words escaped him as he stared back into your eyes with a confusing mix of fear and hope swirling in his icy blues.

He swallowed hard and finally spoke, "So, all this time," he started as he gathered his bearings, "you've been watching me like some kind of weirdo?"

"Of course," you laughed softly. The movement set a jolt of pain to your abdomen that reminded you of your current position. "Can we go back inside and talk? My stomach hurts from hanging out in your car like this..."

You hissed as you tried to remove yourself from the car. It was definitely gonna leave a mark. He waited until you moved back to the sidewalk before he parked and got out.

"I didn't tell you to jump through the window like a maniac. Seriously, what's wrong with you?"

"Desperate times call for--"

"Dumb ass fucking measures?"

"Yes, precisely. Glad we're on the same page."

He rolled his eyes as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders, walking back to the apartment. "Masochist."

"Sadist."

"You know the door was unlocked, right? I was gonna show you 'til you started manhandling me."

"Never let them know your next move."

"So, just dangle like an idiot and hope you don't get run over?"

"I'll admit I'm not good under pressure."

He snorted as you opened the door. He just realized you had chased him out in different shoes. Desperate times, indeed.

"Anyways," you continued as you shut the door behind you and removed your shoes, "You liked it. Thought it was super cool and hot when I was flailing around like an idiot."

"Yeah," he said genuinely, catching you off guard and nearly causing you to trip over the entryway step, but you caught yourself against his arm.

You looked up at him with hopeful eyes. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," he repeated sincerely, his eyes staying on yours. "I did."

You swallowed, feeling your eyes prickle with tears as your mouth gaped at him.

He pinched your cheek.

"C'mon," he said as he walked away from you and further into your home to take a seat on the couch. "Let's do this talking thing. We can watch a movie after or whatever..."

You couldn't see his face as he walked away but you could hear his uncharacteristically breathy inflection and stiff tone when he spoke. Was he feeling nervous? Shy..?

The fact that he was the one trying to get the conversation started rather than avoiding it made your chest bloom with warmth. You had expected him to come up with other things to do first in order to put off the awkward and uncomfortable feelings for a bit longer.

You hopped over to him with a blindingly bright grin, sitting near him on the couch to give him some space for this conversation. However, he pulled your body closer to his so that your sides were pressed up against each other. He wrapped an arm around you while you leaned against his chest.

"So..." he started and you could hear something akin to timidity in his tone so you hugged him, letting your hands affectionately stroke his sides. "I'm shit at feelings."

You wanted to laugh at his blunt word choice but didn't want to come off as mocking and discourage him from speaking. "You are not shit at feelings. You seem to feel things quite strongly. We just need to work on helping you feel more comfortable with letting them out in a healthy way, rather than boxing them up and defaulting to avoidance."

"So, I'm shit at feelings."

"If you say that one more time I am going to bite you."

"I'm shit at-- what the fuck!"

"You were warned."

"My fucking tit--"

"Not my fault it's so chewy."

"I'm shit at-- don't you bite me you fucking animal. Hear me out." He had pinched your cheek again to stop your open mouth from it's impending attack. "I'm shit at this. I know. Don't… laugh at me."

Your eyes softened and you brought your hand up to cup the one he had squeezing your cheek. He released his hold on your skin but you kept it held as you let it slide down to your lap.

"It might feel a bit awkward for you but I promise I won't think less of you for sharing your feelings. I appreciate that you've been trying."

"'Been trying?' I've done jack shit."

"No, you have done 'shit'." You reassured him as your fingers drew circles into the skin of his hand. "You came inside--"

"I always come inside," he smirked.

You bit him again.

"What? No complaint for me this time, Touya?"

"I deserved it."

"Masochist."

"Sadist."

Your lips pursed for a moment as you tried to remember where you were.

"Ah, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," you glared at him playfully, "You've already shown me that you're trying. You came back inside, initiated our talking time, and you're participating, too. I know emotional stuff feels hard, but I'm really, really proud of you."

He let out a 'tch' in jest, before leaning down to whisper into the side of your head. "In case you forgot, I also listened to you while you tried playing leap frog on my car."

"Very true, but I didn't forget. I didn't want to include it since I was practically holding you hostage at the time."

"Hostage?" He laughed haughtily, "If I really wanted to leave you I would've ran you over."

"Why is that strangely sweet..."

"'Cause you're a damn masochist. Get help."

"This, coming from the sadist..." The room was quiet as I rubbed his chest lightly with one hand. "I was really scared you were going to leave earlier, Touya. Like, for good."

He clenched his jaw but didn't say anything, opting to listen since he knew she probably had more to say on the matter. And she did.

"I was afraid that I scared you off by talking about-- about whatever menial domestic thing it was we were talking about before. I can't even remember what it was." You clutched his shirt without thinking as you struggled to remember what could've been the catalyst to losing the person you loved.

"Toilet paper," he stated after a pause. "You read about some sale at the store and were talking about how we should go before the weekend so we could stock up. Then you mentioned wanting to buy me strawberry ice cream."

Silence.

"It all sounded so permanent, so easy to you." You could feel his body tense as he struggled to force himself to speak. "Seeing a future where we go grocery shopping for toilet paper and you buying me something. Something that'll sit in the freezer waiting for me even when I'm not around. Something just for me." His last words were barely a whisper.

Your mouth felt dry, it made sense. He had a hard time staying in one place for too long if it felt like he was being smothered or expected to do things he didn't want to do. Your apartment was no exception, even if he clearly spent more time here than any other place.

"Yeah, you're not special, sweetheart."

You felt a cold ache in your chest at the thought of his angry words from earlier.

You told yourself they were just that, angry words. If they were true, would he have bothered to come back at all? No. You knew Touya was good at lying and even better at emotional warfare. It's how he protected himself. He hadn't done it to you since before the two of you were friends, back when you were just another random person trying too hard to get to know him. Today was the first time in years he had said something that caused you to feel bad about yourself.

You would need to talk about it with him later. Right now you wanted to hear him out, so you shove the memory away for now. You can worry about it later.

As painful as it was to hear him speak of his troubles with having a place to call home, you were grateful to him for really trying. Really, it was incredible just how far he's come already. You always knew he was a fast learner if he wanted to be and this meant so much to you. He had never let himself get this vulnerable with you before.

You wanted to tell him something in response but why did it have to be now, of all times, that you couldn't find the words to speak?

You forced yourself to swallow and nodded at him in encouragement. You didn't want to cry and risk him getting cold feet about the feelings thing. You didn't want him to think this was a mistake and that you couldn't handle the truth, because you could, you just felt deeply for the inner conflicts that took place inside of his head. His fears, his happiness, his efforts... it all meant the world to you and it was really getting to you.

You quietly cleared your throat and with a hoarse voice said, "I can see how that would have caused you to react the w-way that you did."

You mentally cursed yourself for the way your voice broke pathetically mid-sentence. "Sorry about that." And you were. You knew he got flighty over things like that but in the moment I just wasn't thinking.

"Hey, don't wimp out on me now." He pinched at your cheek again. "If I'm gonna bare my damn soul or whatever the hell, you sure as shit better not hold out on me. If you gotta get weepy, then get weepy. I'll save the laughing for later."

Your lips trembled at his words and you can feel your face crumple as you bury it into his chest and wept.

"I was so scared I lost you, Touya."

He stared down at you, committing the sight to memory.

His carelessness did this.

He pulled you in closer to him and placed his cheek on the crown of your head. A little while later you calmed down, sniffling and apologizing for accidentally turning his shirt into a tissue.

"Sorry, this is really embarrassing," you sniffled out with a stuffy nose.

He took in the sight of your puffy eyes and runny nose, before looking away. "S'whatever. I know you, too, you know. That thing you said earlier? About you always watching and listening? I do the same shit with you. If being a crybaby helps, then do it unless you wanna be shit at feelings, too."

Sniffle. "We're both not the best at handling our own feelings, huh..."

"An understatement, in my case."

"It's good that you're acknowledging the areas where you could use some improvement." You say as you reach up to cup his cheek and kissed the corner of his lip. "You're doing so well, Touya."

The way your thumb gently rubbed the pale skin of his cheek while you looked at him with honey in your eyes made his chest ache.

"You--" he swallowed as he held your gaze, "think so?"

You nodded and leaned in to press another kiss on his lips. "I know so."

He felt that familiar urge to run away when shit got too personal, but he yearned for more of the pure warmth you offered to his cold, sorry existence.

"I can't promise to always be better. I'll fuck up. I know it. Just don't give-- don't give up on me."

Sharing feelings was embarrassing, painfully so. At least, that's what he told himself to explain the lump in his throat when he struggled to say the words out loud. His hand moved to your thigh and squeezed it, "I'm stubborn but I don't want to fuck this up. When I fuck up, I'll need time to get my head out of my ass."

You felt like crying again seeing how desperately he tried to let you know he wasn't going to always be good at the communication, but he wanted to be and he was trying.

"I'll sit in the freezer waiting for you."

"I-- what? The hell?"

You laugh softly at his dumbfounded expression. "I'll be the ice cream sitting in the freezer waiting for you. So, don't worry about having to rush the process. Do your best. I believe in you, Touya."

He stared at your face for a moment.

"You have low iron. The freezer would kill you."

"I'll be fine 'cause you're always warm."

He once again felt that familiar ache in his chest that he usually got around you. "Wait too long and you'll get freezer burn."

"Are you saying a little freezer burn would keep you from eating your favourite ice cream?" You paused when you noticed his amused expression. "Okay, I walked myself into that one."

"Yeah," the corner of his lip twitched as his eyes darkened. "You did."

"Hey, I know that look. We need to finish talking first-- T-Touya!"

He grabbed your legs, flipping you on your back against the couch with him crawling over you.

"Don't you wanna reward me for doing well so far?" He asked in a low voice. You whimpered at the sight of his heavily lidded eyes looking down at you, amused with your flustered face.

"W-Well, positive reinforcement is a good way of encouraging good behavior, so yes we can, but you have to swear we will talk about this right after-"

He expertly rolled his hips against you, making you gasp. "I'm feeling pretty encouraged right now. You can feel it too, I bet."

You definitely felt it.

He kissed your lips as he removed your bottoms, pushing the backs of your knees as far against as he knew you could comfortably take, exposing the entirety of you in your underwear.

"I swear," he licked a slow stripe against the fabric before pushing it to the side and staring hungrily at your flesh, "on my god damn dick, we'll talk right after I make you come at least four times."

"F-Four?" You could feel his thumb teasing you as he swiped up and down your flesh.

"Five now," his lips wrapped around your sweet spot. He sucked while rubbing his tongue against it at the same time, making your body shudder.

He needed to make up for making you cry so much today.

Your hips bucked against his face, then his fingers.

"So fucking eager after all that talking, huh?" He gave a lopsided grin as he licked the taste of you left behind on his lips. "Yeah, we're definitely talking more often."

He soaked his fingers with the bottle of lube he liked leaving between the seat cushions for times like these. You felt one of his slick fingers tease your tight hole.

"Tell me who fucks you better than me."

"N-No one!"

"Weak shit. Say it again."

"You're the only one who fucks me t-this well!"

He slowly pressed his finger in, the stretch making you sing. He took his time prepping you before inserting another finger and moving in and out of you. He lapped you into whines, working his hand at the pace he knew drove you wild. You cried out praises for him, which he liked almost as much as he liked fucking you to tears.

"And who does this hole belong to? Who owns the rest of this pretty body?"

"Y-You do, it's yours, Touya! It's all yours for you to use as you please!"

You felt your legs trembling as he kept his hands busy with fucking you. The coil inside of you tightening as he vigorously pumped and sucked.

"T-Touya..!" You voice broke as you wailed.

He smirked, feeling satisfied at how fervently your hips bucked against him. You were a needy mess and he hadn't even stretched you with his fat cock yet.

Soon.

"It's mine. You're all fucking mine." His head dived back in and you felt yourself on the precipice of-

"Yeah, you're not special sweetheart."

You shook your head and looked down at him as he looked up at you. He sucked you hard, making your back arch. You were so close.

You stared through half lidded eyes, throat already sore from the sounds he'd easily pulled from you. You tried to focus on the view of him pleasuring you with expertise. Your was mouth open as you shut your eyes and leaned your head back against the couch. You were so close.

"Afraid of what, huh? Afraid that I'll actually start to care about you as more than just a hole I use to get my rocks off, before ghosting you like all the others that came before you?"

You grit your teeth.

Now was not the time for this.

Your eyes shut. You forced the memory away from the forefront of your mind. It doesn't matter right now, you'll tell him how you feel about it later.

Now wasn't the time.

Later.

...

"Fuck!!" You felt Touya pull his body away from you. "Did I not hear you say the safeword!?"

You opened your eyes and Touya's blurry face had moved from in between your legs to kneeling on the floor beside where you laid on the couch. You blinked your eyes and wiped them with your hands. Oh.

You were crying again.

The realization brought more tears and you looked over at Touya who stared down at you fearfully.

"Maybe someday you'll find someone who wants to deal with this shit, but it's not gonna be me."

"Hey, what--" his voice cracked.

Your body shook as you sobbed into your hands.

A sinking feeling had found it's place in his stomach. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't-- I didn't hear you-"

"T-That's not it." Your voice muffled by your hands and your stuffed nose as you continued to sob. "The sex was consensual the w-whole time."

He looked down at you confused. Relieved that he hadn't hurt you in that way, but stressed since he didn't know what happened to you. His chest burned with anxiety and it made him feel restless. He grabbed your throw blanket and pulled it over you, which you used to hide your sloppy face as you tried to calm yourself down.

"Touya," you cried quietly and he stared down at you frozen with fear.

It was him.

"Tell me what I did." He knew he'd fuck up. He just didn't think it'd be this soon.

You didn't want to hurt him. You wanted to protect him but how could you protect him from the very words he spat at you in a desperate rage? Not speaking up about your own feelings fully and pushing them aside for someone else's sake is how you got here in the first place.

You needed to practice what you preached.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about what you said to me."

The parking lot. He already knew. He hated himself when he said those things and he hated himself now.

It was only a matter of time until he'd ruin things here.

You saw him grab his phone from the floor before standing up and walking across the living room. It must have fallen during your activities.

"I'll text Toga to come by. I'll stay until then."

"Don't go."

"I shouldn't be here."

"Because you hurt my feelings?"

"Yes!" He snapped. "This isn't masochism, it's straight up fucking delusional if you can't see the problem with me staying."

"You hurt my feelings," you sniffled. "It's going hurt whether or not you leave. Stay and talk with me about it."

"This talking shit clearly isn't working. One second you're telling me I fuck you the best then suddenly you're crying in the next. I already ruined whatever we could've had before it even started. We already know how this ends, so don't waste your time."

"If you leave then we will know how this ends." You sat up on the couch, clutching the soft blanket like a lifeline. Your voice was firm, but not enough to cover your soft determination. "You're hurt and so am I. So, sit with me instead of running away. Leaving things the way they are now is the sure-fire way to ruin this."

His jaw tightened as he stayed where he was.

"We talked a little bit earlier, but the issue just now wasn't your fault. It was mine-"

"You're not the one who said all that nasty shit to the person you-" He turned away and glared holes into an innocent plant. "It's over. We're not even fucking dating and it's over." He ran a hand through his hair and laughed.

"You did say horrible things, but I kept brushing off my feelings. We talked a bit earlier, but I still had feelings left unsaid." You stood up, the sound of your feet padding against the floor behind him made him stiffen. You stood in front of him, with your arms loosely crossed on your chest. "How are you supposed to know that stuff was still bothering me? It's not like you can read my mind."

"Don't be fucking dense."

"I seem to recall us wanting to work things out. You told me not to give up on you, remember?"

"Before I realized I traumatized you by saying a bunch of shit!"

"You didn't traumatize me, you hurt my feelings. There's a difference."

"You know the reason you had 'feelings left unsaid' is 'cause I basically mounted you before you could finish saying them, right?"

"No, that's not true and don't demonize yourself like that." You reached for his hand that was balled into a fist at his side, but he pulled it away.

He wasn't worthy of your compassion.

You frowned but didn't let it deter you. "I said it was okay --and before you say anything-- I wasn't coerced into it, either."

His eye twitched at her already knowing what he was going to say before he said it.

"You tease and mock, but you've shown me time and time again that you respect me and my body. You waited until I gave consent and I know that if I didn't give it, you would've let it go and let me talk about my feelings instead. You didn't take advantage of me. I disrespected myself by not prioritizing my own feelings. That's what the main issue was here."

"You said you couldn't stop thinking about what I said. It's my fault, they were my shitty fucking words."

"I'm not trying to say your words weren't a part of it, they definitely were, but I know you were just... saying what you could to put distance in between us."

He sneered, "Is that what you're telling yourself? Doesn't matter why I said it. Intentional or not, lies or not: it still fucking hurt you." His lips curled bitterly as remorse stained the cool blue of his eyes. "It'll be what you think of when you see me from now on."

You took a small step towards him, careful not to invade his personal space but enough to momentarily satisfy your need for physical closeness. Your need for the comfortable heat he offered to you as you both stood together in silence.

"I won't lie..." You started.

He knew that you never lied to him. Your stupidly sincere approach to interactions with him were probably what got him wrapped around your finger in the first place.

He did wonder if you ever lied to yourself about him, though. It'd explain why you let him stick around even while knowing he was a jackass.

He also recognized there wasn't any actual weight to that way of thinking. If anything, the times where your feelings felt so real outweighed those paranoid thoughts of his. Sometimes he'd catch you looking at him. The sweet honey dripping from your eyes at him doing fuck all felt so raw that he'd panic and have to leave for a while.

Whenever you smiled at him, even the soft little ones, you beamed bright enough to burn him to cinders if he let it. Lately, he had found himself simmering under your heat longer and longer, letting himself get singed by you.

Seeing you fidget with the hem of your top snapped him out of his thoughts. You were still in your underwear and it reminded him that he'd burned you. Not with the heat of patience and kindness that you regularly thawed him with, but with flames full of his own agonizingly self-sabotaging wrath.

"I won't lie," you repeated after taking a couple seconds to gather your thoughts. "I'll probably always think about what you said."

He already knew it yet it still made him hate himself more.

"The same way you'll probably always think about it, too."

You sweet, merciful, stupid fucking angel.

"Stop."

"No. You need to hear this."

"Just fucking stop."

"Don't interrupt me, Touya."

He glared at you in irritation as he clenched and unclenched his hands in an attempt to keep himself grounded. Mentally and literally. If he ran away now, you wouldn't be able to share your thoughts. He owed you that and so much more.

"It's something that effected the both of us and it'll change the way we are, but we don't have to let it change us in a bad way. We can use our hurt to help us grow." You said while looking at him with eyes full of hope. "We won't forget it happened and we shouldn't."

"We-- you--," he stammered. He could see the patience in your face and logic, feel the tender touch of your words. He was concurrently immolated by your steadfast mercy and by his venomous wrath. "We need to end this before you get hurt again."

"'Before I get hurt again'? I am going to get hurt again. By you, myself, or some other thing. It's what happens as we live and grow. The difference is learning from it. This is our 'before', and if you let us, we can work on moving on towards our 'after'."

"You know how ridiculously optimistic that sounds, right? Stupidly sappy, too. You really think it's as simple as that?"

"Can I hold your hand?"

He blinked in confusion at the randomness of the question but gave a small nod. You took ahold of it with both of your own.

"We both know it won't be simple. We both have baggage and hurt we'd need to address if we want to be something. It's going to be really hard, but if you stay I know that we'll both put in the work to reach our 'after' and every 'after' after that."

He stayed silent as he took in her words. You really saw--

"--Lots of 'after's, huh?" He quietly spoke as he tried to drown out his nerves with a teasing tone.

He looked at you with hopeful eyes that brought a small smile to your face.

"Lots of 'after's. I am your ice cream sitting in the freezer, remember?"

He'd scoff if he hadn't just gotten the wind knocked from his lungs.

You raise his hand to your lips before pressing a little kiss on the scars on the back of his hand before tugging it gently so he'd follow you to sit back down on the couch.

"I'm not eating freezer burnt ice cream."

"Hey! That's so mean…" you pouted. "And wasteful. You're way too picky of an eater, no wonder you're always grumpy."

"I'm fucking with you."

"Oh, I know. I'm fucking with you, too."

"Sadist..." He affectionately played with the shell of your ear while resting his cheek on your head. The gesture filled her with elation as they sat in comfortable silence.

"Look, I'm..." he started, struggling with his words.

"I know."

"I shouldn't-- I shouldn't have said those things earlier."

"I know."

"You didn't deserve it," his voice was softer.

"I know," you wrapped your arms around his firm torso, squeezing a little tighter.

"You're clingy. What're you thinking? Don't skimp out on me again, I wanna hear all the ugly shit, too." He lightly pinched at your cheek, "This shit ain't gonna work if it's one-sided. Start talking."

You smiled as he pressed his lips to your forehead.

"Okay, Touya."

#dabi x reader #touya x reader #dabi #todoroki touya #touya todoroki #dabi x y/n #dabi x you #toya x reader #i always feel bad for tagging him properly even on my main account so sorry to the ppl who dont wanna see this T.T #happy dabi day i fininished this 20mins b4 it ended i love having adhd and dying #i seriously couldn'tstart writing anything for him until the day before #let me know if it sucks my brain fog was bad with this one #it is so rushed i am sorry #spookyxsprinkles #edit feb 17 2024: edited this so hard and i'll do it again over the summer probably #i'm supposed to be taking a 1 week break from writing so i don't burn myself out and yet.....!

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