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spider-man-199999 · 11 months

Text

Pacifier

pairing: Peter Parker x Fem!Reader;

word count: 5K

warnings: drinking; mentions of sex ; Peter is younger than the reader, but still 18. Reader is around 20. Peter is trying to pin reader even though he is younger.

summary: In this one you’re hired as Morgan’s babysitter (and low-key underpaid Stark!assistant). Looking after a little girl isn’t too hard, but looking after her “big bother” as well, definitely is.

an: I might make a part 2; I had so much fun writing this!

part2!

A loud crash from outside the room interrupted the story you were reading to Morgan. She didn't seem bothered, probably used to this type of sounds around the Stark tower, but you definitely weren't. Afternoon naps weren't her favourite and she was almost asleep when someone decided to be so loud outside and interrupt. You sighed and got up.

"I'll be back in a second." you told the little girl as you paced towards the door.

The crashing sounds were becoming more frequent, like someone was hitting walls, falling over on the floor, knocking things out. You didn't really know what to expect on the other side.

"Hey, asshole, I'm trying to put Morgan to sleep here." you said as you opened.

You saw a figure fall over on the floor and start rolling immediately after that. A red and blue suit. There was something on his face, it looked like an octopus but not quite and it seemed like it was trying to eat his head. You were relatively new to all of this Avengers thing, you were hired a while ago but Tony kept you at a distance, however, you definitely knew an alien when you saw one.

"Actually, nevermind." you corrected yourself and walked back in Morgan's room, closing the door shut.

That's how you met Spider-man.

"I could really use a hand here!" he said between pants and grunts, fighting the thing.

You pressed your forehead against the door, thinking about it for a second. Morgan was fast asleep the second you walked away from her, which made the situation a little easier.

"I don't get paid enough for this shit." you whispered to yourself and opened the door again, walking out into the hallway.

You looked around, trying to find something that would be useful. Spider-man was still rolling around on the floor, pulling at that thing that was making weird squeaky sounds and spreading something like saliva everywhere. The closest thing to a weapon there was a vase with the length of your forearm that got knocked over in the process. You grabbed it and walked over to the rolling man on the floor.

"Stay still." you told him.

He lay on his back, still pulling the thing away from his head as you slammed the vase into it, breaking it. The alien squealed in pain and for a second stopped trying to bite off Spider-man's head. He took advantage of that and threw it to the foor, shooting a web over it after that. He finally relaxed as the fight for his life was over, looking over at you.

"Thanks." he muttered

"Yeah um, no problem I guess?"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, can you run to the lab, I forgot a black file folder there and I need it for my meeting that's in like 5 minutes." Tony said while checking his watch.

You were playing with Morgan and her dolls in the living room when he walked in. He seemed in a hurry, fixing his tie. You looked around the room after he spoke, it was just the three of you.

"Me?"

"No, Morgan. Of course it's you, I'll play with her while you're gone. And skim over the papers, there should be 10 pages inside. You have 3 minutes."

You got up and moved as quickly as you could. On most days you were losing the idea of the whole babysitting thing. Often Tony would make you do things like you were his assistant, schedule meetings, arrange travels, send you off buying things. You didn't mind doing that, especially since he was paying you and you got to live rent free in the Stark tower with his family. You were free to attend your university classes, that was part of your contract, but besides that you didn't get any other off hours. A contract that Tony made you rewrite yourself after you got accepted into ESU to fit both of your needs legally. You couldn't really complain though. The job came with more perks than anyone could ever want. Plus, you got to know all of the Avengers and people that talked to you in class were always excited to talk to you because of that.

You read through the pages in the folder on your way back to the living room. All 10 of them were there and they were about some new materials and research for the Spider-man suit Tony had been making.

Oh, Spider-man.

After your first encounter with him, things got kind of awkward whenever he came by. He was a nice kid, a little nerdy, but would never pass up an opportunity to flirt with you. It's not like you hated the attention but your life was already too busy to think about boys.

"Heyyyyyy" you heard when you walked into the living room, looking up to see Peter smile. He was blushing while he looked at you.

You closed the folder and handed it to Tony while you held the awkwards eye contact with the younger boy.

"You should review the third page, it's not clarified where the electrum that you're using came from. If it's a naturally occurring alloy or a man-made one. The origin may not be important when you're actually using it, but for the lawyers it is."

"Oh, right, thanks kid." Tony said, taking out a pen from the inside pocket of his jacket so he could write down the missing information.

You walked over to the kitchen, grabbing yourself a bottle of water. Peter tailed after you like a puppy.

"Can you pass me a bottle as well?"

You grabbed one and tossed it in his direction. The two of you took a sip at the same time.

"So how was school?" you asked him

"Fine, the usual. We had a quiz in physics, I think I did well. How was uni?"

You shrugged at his question, looking over at Morgan. You could see her sitting on the floor and watching something on the TV through the door. Pepper was about to be home any minute now, which meant you were off duty for the night.

"Shouldn't you be joining the meeting?"

"No, mr Stark thinks the only thing I'll be good at is distract people there."

"He has a point."

"You didn't answer my question."

"I had to skip this week. Tony flew over to Germany with Pepper, I had to run things around here."

"There goes being a responsible student."

You rolled your eyes at him. University classes were nothing like school, you could afford missing them as long as you could catch up on the material on your own after that. Peter was so actively trying to close the gap between the two of you that it was getting annoying.

"It's fine, next week The Vacation starts. I'll be free for 14 whole days to knock myself out with classes."

"The vacation?" Peter asked, following your steps when you went down the hall, headed to your room.

The Vacation was a tradition that you imposed on the Stark family as "a good habit to establish closeness between them and trust in you". It was an event that occurred for an entirety of two weeks every year since you started working for them. It was the second time they were going to do it and you were more than thrilled that your plan worked. The whole point of it was to bring the family closer together. You would pick the destination, make reservations in a very expensive hotel on a far off island and send all of the Starks there to bond. There were few rules, mostly ideas that you collectively brainstormed. They were not allowed to use phones, the only exceptions that could be made were if 1) the world was ending; 2) aliens were invading earth; 3) someone died. And in those cases, you had to call the hotel and make the staff inform Tony. The only downside was that you didn't get to go. But that wasn't all bad, you had 2 weeks to go to all the college parties your heart desired and do all the things you usually didn't have time to.

"Yeah, we get two weeks off."

"We?"

"The Starks, I meant. They are the ones who get to go on a trip and relax for 14 days while we keep things running around here."

"Does not sound like something Mr. Stark would do."

"You're right, he hated it at first but after he came back it was... He was very different."

The two of you had reached your bedroom at that point, standing in front of the door.

"So you'll be gone for two weeks?"

"Unfortunately, no, but I already have plans."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Wait what do you mean he's staying here?" you asked, looking around the table.

Tony said he wanted a big dinner before they left for Santorini, and that somehow translated to your regular once a month "family" dinners with Peter. You looked over at the flustered boy, throwing mental daggers at him while Tony spoke.

"I took a chance last year, but no I don't really like the idea of you being alone here for an entire two weeks."

"Is this because I did something to lose your trust or do you just think I'm defenseless?"

"I don't think you're ENTIRELY defenseless. But it does feel more comfortable to have someone with, say, super strength around, just in case."

"In case of what? Me wanting to rearrange the entire house? Just a reminder that if I didn't help him three months ago, his head would be in some octopus' belly right now."

"You're exaggerating that!" Peter whined, embarrassed by the reference.

"Look, kid, I know you well enough to understand how irritating this must be for you, and a year ago I probably didn't care enough if you died while we were gone-"

"TONY!" Pepper tried to cut him off.

"-but as I was about to say, now I do. That's my decision and it's final."

You really wanted to continue the argument, to try and persuade him into changing his mind. But you didn't. His words touched you and you could really see where he was coming from. But Peter... out of all the Avengers out there, all of the 8 thousand mutants in New York, he had to choose Spider-man.

"I promise you won't even know I'm here!" Peter said, in a desperate attempt to appease you.

"Peter, it's alright."

Your reaction had taken everyone a back, they expected you to fight back more fiercely than this.

"What?" you asked when you noticed everyone's stare. "Did you really expect me to throw a tantrum over this? Wow, maybe I should come with you after all, apparently you people don't know me at all."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The first couple of days were actually going according to your plans. You wanted to go to some parties and you were doing just that. You stumbled out of the elevator, giggling to yourself. A spider web shot your hand to the wall. Normal you would immediately start asking what the fuck was happening, but drunk you just looked at the web and started laughing her ass off.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry!" Peter ran towards you, pulling at the web on your hand. You kept on laughing. He actually thought you were someone who was trying to break in.

"I'm lucky you shoot webs and not bullets!"

"Well, webs aren't the only thing I can shoot." he muttered under his breath.

"Ew, Pete, nasty." you giggled, placing your hands on his shoulders. "I'm so glad you have super-strength. I can't walk."

"What?"

"Take me to my bedroom, please." you laughed, your knees feeling wobbly because of the alcohol. He felt you start to relax and wrapped his arm around your waist, holding you tightly.

"Damn, so Mr. Stark was right, you needed someone around to take care of you." He said, a blushing mess while he picked you up like a bride and started walking towards your room. You wrapped your arms around his neck, your head rested on his shoulder.

"Pffff, no, I'm the caretaker!! I'm taking care of you too right now!" you protested.

"Sure you are." he laughed, loving that side of you. He wished your normal conversations could be this effortless and fun. Peter hated the front you were always putting on in front of everybody, especially him. He opened the door to your room, walking in and placing you down on the bed. He looked at you laying on the bed, wondering if he should take advantage of your bubbliness or not.

Your hands moved down to your jeans, you were drunk, but there was no way in hell you were going to sleep in your clothes. You undid them and started pulling them down your legs.

"Wow, wow, wow, though we were at least going on a date before this." you heard Peter say, noticing him in the room just now.

You gasped in shock, starting to laugh after that. He turned his back not to look while you undressed, wondering if he should just leave or not.

"Hey, I was meaning to ask..."

"Shhhhh, you talk way more than you usually do in my dreams, I'm trying to sleep."

"In your dreams?" he asked, turning his head so fast he almost snapped his neck. You were laying down in your underwear, back turned to him.

"Yeah, like now, you're almost always in my dreams, but we never talk."

"What do we do then?"

You rolled over on your back, head turning towards him to look in his eyes. Even in the pitch darkness he could feel your eyes burning the skin on his face and it made him blush even more.

"You know what we do, you're always there!" you said, annoyance in your tone.

That's when he knew he had to draw the line and walk out of the room, it felt wrong to take advantage of your state and he knew you would kill him the next day if you remembered anything.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Peter Parker was a lucky bastard. Not only did he get to be alone in the same house as his crush for two whole weeks, but somehow he even managed to convince her to go to Flash's party with him. Yes, you were very displeased with that fact, tried everything in your power to convince him it was a bad idea but he didn't listen.

"How is this not embarrassing for the both of us?" you asked on the way there.

"Why would it be embarrassing?"

"For starters, you're going to a party with your babysitter. And I'm a college student attending a highschool party... What's next? You blackmail me into being your date to prom?"

"You're not my babysitter, I'm yours."

"No you're not."

"How am I not? Mr. Stark made me stay over in his house so you wouldn't be alone! I'm the babysitter!"

"Peter you're like 15, you can't be the babysitter when you're the actual baby!"

"I'm 18."

"Wait you are? Why am I driving then?"

Despite the hard time you were giving him almost the entire time, he convinced you. And now he got to watch you while you chatted with his best friend, holding a cup of punch.

"How do you even know a girl like that, Penis Parker?" Flash asked him, both of them standing side by side while observing you.

"Well, you know, the Stark internship and all."

"Honestly, I thought she was imaginary. She's not a paid actress, right?"

"Yeah, well no, if I paid her she'd have to be nice to me."

You glanced over to the two of them, smiling lightly when you caught them staring. You've been getting stares the whole night, and it really did feel like you were back in high school. The two boys got flustered when you caught them, turning their heads in opposite directions. You shook your head.

"It was lovely talking to you, Ned. But I have a fanclub to tend to, see you around." you said, placing your hand on Ned's shoulder as a goodbye gesture and walked off to Peter and Flash.

"Ah, if it isn't my favourite senior!" you said with a giggle, standing next to Peter. The alcohol seemed to be kicking in because you were unexpectedly nice to him.

"I'm Flash, the host." Flash said and reached out a hand to you.

You looked at him. You didn't know too much about Flash, only that he didn't like Peter and was giving him a hard time. That was one of the reasons why you agreed to this, to help the poor boy out, stop the bullying for a little while. You blinked a few times, not taking his hand.

"Y\n." you said simply, turning to Peter again. You placed your free hand on his shoulder, scooting over to him so you could get on your tip-toes and whisper into his ear. "So that's the mighty Flash guy? Looks like a loser to me."

Peter laughed softly at your words, placing a hand on your waist to help you keep your balance.

"So, how do you like the party guys?" Flash tried to bounce back.

The two of you looked at him. He stared back at you, noticing Peter's hand on your waist that you didn't seem to mind at all. Flash was really feeling like the loser tonight. The guy he constantly bullied came to his party with a college girl. And not just any college girl, one that worked for Stark Industries, and was drop-dead gorgeous on top of it all. And she had Peter Parker's arm wrapped around her.

"For a high school party... it's okay." you said, resting your head on Peter's shoulder.

"Well I throw the best parties! Peter wouldn't know, he's rarely invited."

"Peter's seen way better parties than this one, I take him to the ones we throw on campus all the time, right Pete?" You lied. You were lying to defend Peter and make him look cooler.

He nodded to your words. You could practically see Flash's face turn red as he was showed up, once again.

"Whatever." He muttered and walked away.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The more time you spent with Peter, the harder it got to dislike him. It's not like you really disliked him to begin with, but it annoyed you how absurdly confident he was in the Spider-man suit. He tried flirting as Peter Parker as well, sure, but nothing could compare to Spider-man. And for some reason you hated the fact that he was younger than you. There was nothing morally wrong with liking him, he was 18 and you were just two years older, in perspective this would not matter at all once he got in college, which was about to happen in a few months anyway. Something about the thought of having a high school boyfriend while you were halfway done with your degree really made you cringe.

But you had to give him credit for trying so hard. The boy just wouldn't give up, no matter how brutal you were every time he tried something. This whole internal conflict of yours was tearing you apart, and it got worse since he moved in for the two weeks.

"Okay listen." you started as you parked your car in the campus parking lot. "Do not go disappearing on me. And don't drink, not even a sip, you're too young for that. If the police come, run."

"And I thought you were going to have a positive influence on me."

"We're doing this because of you, remember? You were the one who wanted to make Flash shut up by posting a picture from an actual frat party."

"You were the one who lied about that."

"Well, I'm sorry that I was trying to help."

You got out of the car and locked it after Peter followed. You knew in your heart that this was a very, very bad idea. You were just praying that you wouldn't get drunk enough to do something you'd regret and that he wouldn't get drunk at all. Someone had to drive the two of you back home and it definitely wasn't going to be you. You handed him the car keys before you started walking to the frat house. He put them in his jean pocket, following you like he usually did. Frat parties were nothing like the one Flash threw a few days ago, things here always got out of control. People were taking body shots, smoking, using drugs, making out. The whole "please don't break anything, it's my parents' house" vibe was not there. You knew it, Peter definitely knew it as well.

"Let's get the pictures and be done with this." you told him over the loud music.

He nodded, unsure if he actually wanted to stay or leave. He was not a party guy, but he didn't completely hate the experience. You grabbed yourself a drink, greeting a few people you knew from classes.

"I cannot believe this!" Someone shouted behind you, making you and Peter both turn in sync. It was Lidia, a girl you had a group project with a few weeks back. You texted here and there but you could never make it to places she invited you.

"Oh hey" you said, hugging the strawberry blonde and smiling.

"How did you manage to get out of that corporate job you have? And who is this eye candy?" you smiled at Peter, offering her hand to introduce herself.

"That's Peter Parker, he's my...." you stopped, looking over at him. You started the sentence with the wrong words but it was too late to switch it up.

"Boyfriend." He just had to jump at the opportunity, didn't he?

"He definitely wishes he was." you snapped back at him, looking over at Lidia again. "He's an intern."

"Come on babe, you don't have to be shy about it."

He was pushing his limits here and enjoying it, smiling at how embarrassed and flustered you'd get trying to deny it. It really made it seem like you were just uncomfortable labeling something you really did have with him and he was taking initiative.

"Such a shame, if I had locked up a snack like that I would be bragging to the whole world!" Linda said, laughing at your reaction together with Peter. She pulled him closer, whispering in his ear. "I'm not surprised by her act, she doesn't like sharing anything about herself, you have a tough nut to crack."

Lidia left the two of you with an encouraging smile, like you really had something to do with him.

"Traitor." you told him, drinking the entire content of your cup in one breath.

"Wow, take it easy, I'm not carrying you around like last time."

"I'm so mad at you! Why did you say that?"

"Why not? It's not like she'll see me ever again, tell her we broke up next time she asks."

"It was straight up unnecessary!"

He put his hands on your shoulders, lowering himself down on your eye level.

"You're making a scene right now. Relax, I did it so girls wouldn't flirt with me."

You gave him the death glare that he was so used to seeing.

"Like anyone would flirt with you!"

"Yes, your friend did, the second she saw me."

He was right, she did start her introduction with a flirt, which annoyed you slightly, but it wasn't something you wouldn't get over.

"Don't try anything with me." you told him. You knew how you got when you were drunk and you'd feel bad if he took advantage of that.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Pete?" you knocked on a bedroom door upstairs. No answer.

You got absolutely hammered after your argument with Peter. He spent the night running after you like a bodyguard because you would wander off somewhere without even saying a word. You did it again, after he told you to stay put so he could go to the bathroom. He said he'd be back in 5 minutes. He was back in 3, but you were gone. Since you had no perception of time while you were drunk, you thought he was gone for more than half an hour and started looking for him. So, the two of you were basically looking for each other at a frat party. You went upstairs, walking in on two or three couples making out or even having sex while looking for him. He, on the other hand, was searching downstairs. He found Lidia and asked her for help, to which she agreed.

After not having any luck upstairs, you headed straight out of the house before any of them could catch a glimpse of you. Peter tried calling but your phone, along with the car keys, were in his pocket.

"I'm really starting to get freaked out here." He told Linda as they walked up the stairs together.

"Look, if we find her here, I'm sorry. If we don't, I'll start to worry as well."

They didn't find you in any of the frat bedrooms which was both good and bad news at the same time.

"Is there any chance she could have gone home?"

"No, I'm the one driving back. Unless she took a cab, but I doubt that, her phone is here as well."

They walked out of the house, Peter sat on the stairs and pulled at his hair nervously. How did you manage to disappear into thin air in 3 minutes? He was the one supposed to look after you. Lidia sat down next to him, placing her hand on his back and running it up and down for comfort. She leaned closer to him, her body pressing to the side of his. Peter turned his head to look at her but they were interrupted by a familiar fit of laughter. Peter stood up, looking in the direction of the sound when he saw you down the street. One of your arms was holding onto a lampost while you were swinging around it in circles and laughing.

"Thank god." he said in relief, offering a hand to Lidia. "I present to you, drunk Y\N. One of the funniest people you'll ever meet."

The two of them paced towards you.

"PETEY!" you said, letting go of the lamp. You were dizzy from the spinning and the alcohol but made a few wobbly steps in his direction, so he could catch you just before you fell. You looked up to him and cupped his cheeks with your palms, squishing his face.

''Here's my little, almost minor wanna-be-boyfriend!" you giggled.

He turned you around, pressing your back against his chest and wrapped his arms around you so you could face Lidia. She was staring at you in disbelief.

"My friend! The only one I have. Pete, look, my friend!" you turned your head to Peter and pointed at Lidia. He laughed at you, kissing the top of your head. Peter couldn't help but fall in love with you even harder when you were acting like a toddler that needed attention.

"You weren't wrong, this is funny." Lidia said after the initial shock was over.

"Okay, missy, we should probably go home now."

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because you'll want to kiss!"

"I mean, I always want to kiss you, I don't see your point."

"But there are no people at home!"

"And?"

"There won't be a reason not to kiss!"

"So you're saying what's stopping you from kissing me here are the people?"

"Yes."

"And if there weren't any people around, you would kiss me?"

"No! You would kiss me!"

"I want to kiss you now as well?" Peter and Lidia laughed, making you puzzled.

"No, you got it wrong!"

"How did I get it wrong?"

"We can't go home because we will kiss."

"Now you're making me want to go home even more."

You thought about it for a second, confused. You looked up at Peter and then at Lidia who were dying from laughter at that point. It got you even more confused than before.

"Okay, Lidia, it was lovely meeting you, but I need to get her to bed." Peter said after they calmed down.

"We can't go home!"

"If I promise not to kiss you, can we go home?"

"I guess."

Peter was holding you the whole time but let you go so you could hug your friend goodbye. He didn't want to let go, it was the only time you would ever let him touch you without getting angry at him and he wanted it to last longer, so when you turned to him again, his arm was wrapped around your shoulders as he escorted you to the car.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

You were awfully silent the whole ride back.

"Are you still worried about me kissing you?" He asked after the two of you got inside.

"No."

"Then why are you so quiet?" he asked, sitting down on the couch. You sat down next to him, staring at him. He turned his head to look at you, a bit weirded out from your act.

"You're starting to freak me out here."

"Sorry." you mumbled, looking down at your lap now.

You turned your head to look back at him, then down your lap again, and repeated the whole process a few times like a robot that was experiencing a glitch. Peter looked at you with the side of his eyes because he was checking the replies to his instagram stories from the frat party. He turned his head fully towards you, his eyebrows furrowed. Before he could say anything, you leaned in and grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling him towards you. Your lips crashed together and you gave him the softest, sweetest kiss in his life. He dropped his phone on the floor but he couldn't care less about that right now, his crush was kissing him. His hands grabbed your waist while yours were on his cheeks, your lips dancing together. He tried to pull away because he was uncertain of how much you really wanted this but your teeth dug into his bottom lip and pulled him back in again.

"Pete" you said softly after the kiss, both of your foreheads pressed against each other's as your hot heavy breaths mixed together.

"Yeah?"

"I wanna do the thing we do in my dreams."

809 notes · View notes

christinesficrecs · 5 months

Note

hello chrissy poo! please save me and recommend me some accidental baby acquisition fics. thank youuu

Accidental babies are my favorite! 🩷

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The baby is warm and small and she’s all wrinkled and frowny, bow lips somewhat pursed and pouty. Stiles’ palms feel cold and sweaty against the blanket enfolding her as he holds her tight to his chest.

“What do you mean she turned up out of nowhere?” Derek asks, frowning at him, hand twitching above the baby’s head, as if he wasn’t sure touching her wouldn’t make her disintegrate into nothingness. Stiles rolls his eyes at him and bounces on the balls of his feet when the baby squirms.

#asks #sterek fics #ficrecs #accidental baby acquisition #magical babies #werebabies

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angelwithdemonictendencies · 6 months

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meeting you was too perfect to be real; somehow i know in every lifetime i've heard your laugh.

jd6 x reader: baristas always flirt like this with customers, right?

(warnings: no warnings today! (isn't that just deranged?). all sweetness and cuteness and sparkles and the like. my gift to you, free of charge. (enjoy!).

(a/n: my favorites! i give to you the sugar installment of my sugar and spice project. nothing even a little bit sad, here. and, surprisingly, i actually had a lovely time writing this. so much so that i'm almost tempted to make this into a full story, not just a scene - so let me know if that would be something you're interested in. i love a good coffee shop meet-cute, so i tried to do it justice, complete with a shy, blushy jd6. tell me what you think, tell me how you're doing, tell me what you'd like to see next, tell me what you think about the season so far. go canucks. sending every lovely thing i've got to you and your snakes. you can find the spice story of this project (toxic tz11. have i convinced you?) here. until next time).

anaheim was sort of funny. hot, but not necessarily oceanic, somehow still classic california. it was home to you, or at least it had been for the last couple of years.

however, in a very classic california fashion, rent was high, and although you loved your job as a barista like a hobby, lately it didn't really seem to be paying the bills.

so, you asked around, told your friends that if they knew anyone who was looking for a place to live, they should send them your way. you let that issue settle to the back of your mind, for now.

this morning, the opening shift was busy but predictable. the regulars stopped in for their typical before-work cup, filling you in on new developments in their lives as they tore open sugar packets. you convinced two customers to try your new fall creation, a cinnamon pumpkin latte, which was quickly becoming you go-to. your only co-worker for this shift was your work-best-friend, which you loved, which made the shift feel like it wasn't even work.

the opening hours flew by, as they so often did on weekdays. like clockwork, three hours in, your coworker took their break, going out back for a smoke.

there were no surprises, nothing new at all, until someone you had never seen before stood in front of you.

someone tall and broad, with messy dark hair that glinted almost purple under the soft light and the warmest eyes you had ever seen. his sweatshirt hung off of him like a blanket, clinging softly to the muscles of his shoulders and arms.

you cleared your throat. "welcome in. what can i get started for you?"

somehow, he looked even more unbalanced than you felt. he coughed before shoving his hands in his pockets, rocked back and forth once on his feet. "uh, yeah, h-hello." his voice was not what you expected, a little less steady, a little too telling. you knew immediately that he was a terrible liar, that everything he thought and felt would play across his face and tone in the truest, most sincere of ways. "i've never been here before."

your smile was instinctual, immediate, and his hands flexed in his pockets when your face brightened. "i know," you said, tilting your head at his look of confusion "i would have remembered you," you whispered like a teasing secret.

rosy pink began to appear at the tops of his ears, across his freckled nose.

anyone who worked as a barista would tell you that flirting was pretty much in the job description. one of those unspoken truths of the universe, that the pretty faces making the coffee let compliments flow easy as cream.

it was so much more fun when the customer looked like this, behaved this way, like he was so mature but still somehow not used to the attention, which you could barely believe. if he looked like this, he must know the effect he had on others, no? at the very least, could he assume the effect he had on you?

your laugh was soft. "didn't mean to embarrass you, new kid."

he reached a hand up to rub at the back of his neck, nervous habit. how gentle it looked it on him. "'s okay, petal, forgive you." his voice seemed to have steadied, now, as he settled into his space. into your space, too.

you blinked. in your head, it was comically slow, like a cartoon. is this what swooning felt like? your head filling with chatter like girls at a sleepover in middle school, gossiping behind hands shining with popcorn butter?

you cleared your throat. "so, what are you drinking?"

he sucked on his teeth for a second, appearing to think. "usually a black coffee kind of guy," he mused, leaving the end of his statement hanging between you like a question.

your smile grew childish in its sincerity. "but you're going to let me make you a more interesting drink because black coffee is boring?"

he rolled his eyes playfully, pretended to think about it, absentmindedly twisting the ends of his soft hair between his thick fingers. "i really don't like chocolate, okay?"

you scrunched up your face. "me neither," you said, sensing you almost had him.

you leaned forward on the counter, summed up your most convincing expression. "c'mon, please? you deserve a sweet treat! promise i'll make it so, so good for you."

"woah, the brothel's next door." your coworker's interested and mocking voice came ringing in clearly as the back door swung open and shut.

you and your new customer both turned a bright pink.

"can i make you a treat, please?" you said to him, simply, pulling a cup from the stack next to the register.

"i'd like that," he said, bashful as anything, his smile like a reflex.

you nodded to your coworker. "my friend's gonna ring you up."

her eyes lit up with mischief as she took your spot at the register. "let me guess," she said, barely able to talk because of her laughter, "you want that iced?"

your brow furrowed in confusion, unsure of the grounds on which her joke was being made, but you just finished fiddling with the espresso maker and put the finishing touches on your creation.

an iced americano, since he liked black coffee, with a splash of almond milk you infused with cinnamon and cardamon. a classic with a twist. something different, like you were so sure he was.

you handed it to him with a smile, still flushed from his presence, pleased to find him just as affected as you.

he held it in his hand like a treasure, like some kind of luxury, never looking away from you.

"aren't you going to take a sip?" you asked. "so i can make you something else if you don't like it?"

he shrugged, the motion making the muscles in his shoulders and back ripple. "i trust you."

you could have shaken your head at him. how silly, you could have said, how silly you sound, talking like that to me.

"i hope i'll see you around, new kid," you said genuinely as he made his way out, reluctance dripping from his frame like amber.

"thank you, petal," he said, so sweet you could have sworn the shop smelled like cotton candy for the rest of your shift.

"remember what i said about your zone entries!" your coworker called out after him as she wiped down the counter.

you turned to her, finally. "what are you talking about?"

she waved you off. "he plays hockey. my little brother's favorite. and god, if their zone entries aren't the sloppiest in the league."

she had lost you already, though, as your mind became clouded over with burnt caramel eyes and hands flexed in pockets.

an image that stayed present in your mind days after.

you had only just started to forget about your handsome stranger when one of your friends called to tell you he might have a roommate for you.

he assured you that this guy was not a creep, not even a little bit, that he was clean and orderly and liked a schedule, just like you.

"i swear, you'll love jamie," he had said.

and you knew this friend, loved him like a brother, trusted his opinion, so you agreed to have this prospective roommate, jamie, you supposed, swing by your place for a tour.

just a tour, you thought, what's the worst that could happen? it probably wouldn't even be the most memorable part of the hour, never mind the day.

you knew you were wrong when a gentle knock gave way to an opening door, and he stood there in your doorframe like a vision from a dream, hazy and lovely and every bit as beautiful as you remembered.

you almost dropped the mug you were holding.

and he genuinely did drop the flowerpot he was holding in his own grip. the loud crash had you covering your mouth with one hand.

"oh, fuck," came his rough voice, the smell of dirt growing stronger as shattered ceramic and soil now laid between the two of you like some sort of seance. "oh, god, 'm so sorry, petal," he practically whined. "just shocked me, 's all, didn't mean to make a mess."

you tilted your head, smile coming easy. "shocked you? you showed up at my house, new kid."

"if anything it's your fault," he said, face so rosy pink, smile shy. he let out a frustrated sigh, gestured to you. "can't answer the door looking like that, petal, swear you're a safety hazard."

"flattery will get you nowhere," you warned playfully, although you were pleased.

"not even in the door?" he asked, a hopefulness glazing over his gaze like lemon pound cake icing.

you shook your head, stepped to your side to let him in. "well, then, jamie, i guess i can start your tour by showing you where the vacuum is."

fin. (maybe).

#hockey #hockey smut #nhl #nhl smut #smut #jd6 #jamie drysdale #jamie drysdale imagine #jamie drysdale x reader #jack hughes #quinn hughes #jack hughes x reader #jack hughes smut #trevor zegras smut

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lorkai · 5 months

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づ A/N: This idea has been living rent free in my head for a few months now and I finally had time to sit and write down. Might write a part 2 but idk yet. Also reblogs are appreciated!

Characters: Thirteen, Solomon, Simeon & Barbatos

There are stupid things that are expected to be common sense. For example, everyone knows that eating Solomon's food is an extremely dumb idea. Alas you are dumb and decided to eat the pasta he had made after one lesson you had; resulting in you gaining immortality.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Thirteen is the first being to notice the change. Your candle is forever frozen just like Solomon's, motionless, the flames static and the reaper is left in a mix of feelings when she understands what happened; what that terrible wizard have done to you, poor you and your beautiful soul and mortality. She questions you about it as soon as she sees you, no matter who is around, questioning you about your immortality, about what happened and if you are happy with your decision.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ For her, this was what you wanted so when she finds out that you didn't even know about it Thirteen doesn't know how to react. You recount the day's events to her, how you trained magic with Solomon and then had dinner with him. It's so comical, so unbelievable, several humans searched for a way to obtain immortality and you just had to eat the food that Solomon prepared for you. She is crying with laughter and rolling on the floor at this point, however, the reaper will be more than happy to help you find a way to undo your immortality if you so desire.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Solomon was by your side when Thirteen appeared suddenly and he is so surprised by this information. I mean, he doesn't understand how a simple pasta can make you immortal since he himself only became immortal through one of his failed experiments, but he also didn't know his cooking could do this??? He is not at all sad about the news as now he know his beloved apprentice will live forever, however, yes, immortality has its downsides; the death of friends and family, the pain of remembering how you forgot their faces, voices and cherished memories and there is nothing you can do to get them back.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ But he is here to support you in every difficult and painful moment as well as in the most joyful and happy moments. He's here forever to be by your side, to give you a helping hand and a shoulder to lean on. Though saddened he would help find a way to reverse your mortality if you truly wished for it.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Simeon's mouth had never been so open. You, immortal? How, when, why? He listens to you recount the day's events, but he still can't comprehend how Solomon's dish could do something like this. Simeon knows that the thing Solomon calls food is capable of doing, but being able to grant immortality to someone? By heaven, he doesn't even know what to say, he doesn't even know what to do. Do you need to be comforted? Do you want a hug? Are you well? He's more nervous than you are, honestly. Simeon tries to calm you down and offers solutions to your problems.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ When everything was done and said, he felt a little happy. Angels don't know what the pain of loss is like and he wishes he didn't know what it's like, he wishes he didn't live to find out what life was like without you. You're like a ray of sunshine, so cheerful and chaotic and a welcome part of his life.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Barbatos found out about it from Simeon. The embodiment of "disappointed but not surprised", if you subjected yourself to eating the horrendous pestilence that was Solomon's food then you knew the risks you were taking and didn't care. The lord of time holds back from giving you a good lecture as soon as he sees you. Who in their right mind would eat that??? Why, MC, why??? He wants so much to understand what you were thinking at that moment and what you are thinking now, what you feel now, becoming immortal can be a bit shocking, even more so with all the pros and cons that come along with the experience of being immortal.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ He is the one who helps you adjust to your new life as the years go by. The one who helps you get a house, new documents and teaches you how to deal with everything when things get too much. He already did it once to his master and now he's going to do it to you now. If you ask and Diavolo allows it, Barbatos will look into the future for a way to reverse your immortality. That's your wish and he respects it but then why does this possibility leaves an empty feeling in his chest?

#obey me #obey me solomon #obey me barbatos #obey me simeon #obey me thirteen #solomon x mc #solomon x reader #barbatos x mc #barbatos x reader #simeon x mc #simeon x reader #thirteen x mc #thirteen x reader

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lawbin-archive · 2 months

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Lawbin Dressrosa Analysis 1: Dating while handing over Caesar team

Finally, I finished re-reading dressrosa! It's probably one of my favorite arcs. Maybe top 3 haha The other two are probably Wano and Enies Lobby. The pacing in manga is definitely way better, so I actually enjoyed this arc more. I might missed something because I was too immersed into the story and sometimes I forgot to jot down notes lol But anyways, let's start!

As usual, things highlighted in purple are my delulus.

Warning: It's my personal blog so don't read it if you don't like lawbin, include lots of delulu :D

~LAWBIN ALLIANCE PHASE~ why can't I choose yellow on tumblr anymore?! :(

Chapter 700: Law hates bread

Robin weird thoughts always live in my head rent free. I also like how most of the crew are complaining or interrupting Law but Robin (and Zoro) just listen to his plan. Of course it's also because their personality is similar (they mostly won't say anything unless something it's wrong), and I think they just trust Luffy hence they trust Law.

I love the fact that Robin's favorite food is sandwich but Law hates bread!! It's gonna be a funny debate between them about bread!! >< I also find Robin and Zoro just follow their captain and ignore Law's plan are so funny. (Remember this, it's changing in the upcoming plot *wink*)

Chapter 701: Adventure in the land of love, passion and toys [This is the actual title of this chapter] That's kinda obvious is it? That's where all the love starts *smirk*

Every time they are together is such a beautiful panel, (maybe I shouldn't said that people will say I ship them just for their aesthetic haha it's like that's a problem) The *aggressive* *calm* *calm* *aggressive* combo is also really interesting and entertaining, I can understand why Oda will choose Robin and Usopp to be Law's companion. Or maybe Law chose Robin himself to spend more time with her?! It didn't say how they assign the team but in any way, I'm sure Robin and Law realize they have similar personality. Robin even found Law's plan fun haha. Their mind just sync a lot and I think Law will appreciate to have Robin here because she's the only one that follow his plan without a complain lol. And from this point, Law & Robin started become a "I want to scare Usopp just for fun" team. (and also Caeser but I don't think they give a fk about him lol)

Chapter 705 ~ 711: Let's go to Greenbit

Again, the aesthetic is just ~amazing~. I'm gonna compliment it regardless, they look good together and that's a part of why they have good chemistry to me. I'm not gonna deny it! And I like it so much that Robin and Law are sitting across each other, they can see each other clearly!

They really look like they are on a secret date together! >< (minus Usopp and Caesar I'm sorry) I saw a newspaper poster (made by a one piece theme park in Japan, but it's closed now) and this "news" was saying they found out Law and Robin secretly meeting? (I'm just guessing) Literally create my vision of them getting caught dating haha And I like how they share a lot of common knowledge - they know how dangerous CP0 is and recognize them is right away. At least I think most of the straw hats won't recognize and realize who they are.

The small bickering they have are so cute, Robin isn't scared and she's super calm but she has her little complain that she expected fish to look like a fish (maybe that's the only complaint she has haha) and Law was like "Looks like a fish to me". It’s like she hates gum because she expects food can be swallowed.

I'm always wondering who's Law talking to here haha because Robin & Usopp are the ones who fight the fish after but from where he's pointing, isn't look like he's talking to Caesar either. So maybe he's telling Robin don't need to worry? If that’s true, that means Law cared about her haha I feel like the whole time, he just want to talk to her and teasing Usopp only

~LAWBIN FRIENDS PHASE~

From this point, I think Law and Robin started to trust each other more and treated each other as friends. At least you can see their interactions are more friendlier. I will explain a little bit more later.

They even sit together on the Caesar hot air balloon!! In my mind, it's probably Usopp scared to sit in the middle because he might fall and Law being a gentleman so he volunteered to sit in the center (less safe). If you think about it, this could be their date lol Going to a cafe, fight some fishes and sitting on a hot air balloon. Law planned the whole thing and Robin was like *I have fun with this* the whole time haha. Robin likes to explore and Law's hobby is wandering around. They just seem to get along so well together!

I think I already explained a few times that how they both get so investigative once they arrived at Greenbit they are so similary in lots of ways!! They both will analyze the situation and environment they are in.

Robin can see through him so easily. She probably can figure out how he did it anyways And see how Robin changed her attitude so much?! From distrusting him and observing him a lot in Punk Hazard, and now she's teasing him. If she didn't get close with someone, she probably won't say anything and just observe. That's definitely a sign that she got closer with him and a friendly behavior.

I like how Law already knew what each Straw Hat specialized with and ask them for help. And again, only Robin listened to Law. She looks like she enjoyed the adventure so much and I'm actually surprised Robin just followed Law here. I guess after Punk Hazard, she found he isn't a bad person so she just followed his plan. But also mainly because Luffy trust Law.

The first thing Robin woke up is to think about how to contact with Law (and also care about Usopp of course) When I was reading the Greenbit part, I actually thought Robin is gonna tell Law where she is and he can use his ability to transfer him and Caesar to underground, so Doflamingo couldn't find them there haha. But my delulu didn't come true ;'(

I also saw a person said the reason why they ship lawbin it's because Law treat Robin differently than others. And here is one of the evidences, when he was talking to other straw hats, he usually just order them around lol and for Robin, he's like *help me using your intelligence skills* *ok I understand* it's just seems he is so much calmer in front of her, like they can actually communicate without arguing. I wouldn't say he cared about her but at least he is nice enough to say good luck to her too. Robin actually treat him differently than others too. She said "Good luck" to him, something I rarely seen Robin did to other people outside of straw hats and Robin worried about him a lot in this arc (again I'll elaborate later on, there is so much to talk in this arc omg ><!)

When the whole Greenbit shaking, Robin worried about Law's fighting. Their relationship really change drastically here. Robin seems to care about Law a lot more. To be fair, I think the whole crew started to care about Law's safety in this arc a lot and of course it's natural to care someone that's an ally of you. But also if I really compare, Robin seems like she cared the most about Law maybe after Luffy.

I actually think Law is so similar to Robin here. He really gave me the Enies Lobby Robin vibe here. In my perspective, I don't think he really meant to use straw hats at this point (definitely yes before tho), I think he told Doflamingo he is using them to try to protect them. So Doflamingo will think it's useless even he threaten Law he is going to kidnap the rest of the straw hats because Law said he won't care about them. (the mind games). Law and pre-time skip Robin are so alike, they always try to take all the responsibility to themselves or sacrifice themselves in order to protect others. Law didn't even bring heart pirates to here is just like when Robin pretend to be betray the straw hats in Enies Lobby sigh :(

If Law is really using the straw hats, he is gonna betray them once Doflamingo is defeated, but he kept his promise to defeat Kaido. That's one of the reasons why Law is one of my favorite characters, even he looks so unbothered and sometimes mean on the outside, his actions always tell the opposite >///<

And it’s cute that during Dressrosa, Robin is the one who cares about Law a lot and once they get into Wano the situation switched haha the feelings are mutual!!!!

That's it for today! Thank you for reading! <3 I think I have talked too much again lol I will probably start writing about the rest of the arc soon! Hopefully I can finish writing the whole arc under 2 parts! (probably not) I actually have something to write about my thoughts on other ships during dressrosa, uhm maybe I will briefly talk about it next one.

#lawbin #one piece #trafalgar law #nico robin #law #robin

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i-love-frensh-fries · 4 months

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✨I dreamed of being stuck in the dorm of the phontom troupe in a modern AU ✨ .

🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️

🕸️I had a weird dream that day and then it came back last night. And it's living rent free in my head.

Slight sspoilers about the new pt manga chaps.

It was the the phantom troupe in a modern AU and then there was a school that was kinda like a special academy and of course there was dorms ( like the houses from hogwarts but the hunter administration that treats your file is the one doing the sorting) and obviously my delulu chrollo juc thirsty bitch that I'm ends up t in the phantom troupe dorm aka ✨the spider house ✨that everyone is scared of. But first he is some contest about them :

But first here is some context about them bitches :

🕸️ The school was like the hunter association and in the Spider house the only people allowed are the once that killed someone before. So I guess I got their becose I killed somebody? I don't know I just lived with them.

🕸️But there is the thing with the members is that they technically didn't "kill" anybody, at least that's what the authorities assumes before going trough Juvi.

🕸️That day they just happened to be in the wrong place wrong time.

🕸️It happened when they were kids maybe in elementary, they all lived in the same orphanage from the poor side of the city so they always hangout in a certain place after school.

🕸️At that time that were a bigger friend Groupe. But one day, one in particular didn't show up at school but it's fine they didn't think about it much, they were like " it's fine we will see her at the playing spot after school, Sarasa may miss school but never play time anyways" .

🕸️Class finishes they go to their usual spot expecting to find their friend *Sarasa*, but all they find is a black teach bag waiting to be oppend.

🕸️The kids were skeptical about it, some were scared but chrollo, the "main twinck" of the groupe insisted about looking inside of the bag that was suspiciously weird and suspiciously well tied. He tired at first but couldn't do it then then finx shoot his shot but didn't succeed either.

🕸️The kids grew frustrated and all tried opening it leaving their tiny finger prints on that bag. But that until Uvogine te bigger one arrives and finally opens it.

🕸️The first thing they noticed was the metallic smell (in the dream I was kinda their but not their), when everyone hesitated so look, chrollo did. And god he regrets to this day, looking at the inside where his friend's remaining body was.

🕸️Too scared by what they fsaw they run to the orphanage and told the adult not know that they will be used to cover some higher up from the city and with enough money they will be accused of killing their friend and all end up in a specialised juvi ( cause they were minors) that will change their life's and ruin their childhood forever.

🕸️After 5 years in juvi They all come out, many of their friends died during that time many lost their minds. But they survived and are now 16 years old. They get accepted into the hunter association academy? I guess? And that's how they become the most feared students of the .

🕸️ And that where the self insert potential gets jucy. And that's where I get in the story. Apparently I killed my mom? ( we had an argument that night before I dreamed 😂). And that's how I ended up their. I was so freaking scared. But weardly some of them were nice.

🕸️Paku oda was mommy. Machi was kinda sceptical. Shizuku didn't mind same for korutopi, bonolenove and Franklin.

🕸️ Phinx was decent he is from Egypt 🇪🇬 and I'm from Algeria 🇩🇿 so African besties✨✨, we watch égyptien and algerian comedy some times and we speak arabic too. And the fact that some kings from my tribe back in time were faraones ( yeah 'cause I' m amazigh) so we get in preety heated argument about it some times, but over all he is fine. Same for nobunaga we bond over video games and samurai movies ( blue eye samurai)

🕸️But their tiny bestie just straight up hates me. He dispises me sooooo much. He tried to kill I think. Put poison in my coffee ☕ 😂.

🕸️ But the weirdest one out their is chrollo. I think he sees me more like a lab experiment. He follows me with his eyes in such a creepy way. He asks where I got who are my friends. Why am I getting along with hisoka 'cause hisoka was supposed to be the scariest he told me not to approach him cause he would kill me but then we ended up being the bestest of friends so I guess he was kinda jealous.

🕸️But anyways I ranted a lot. But this is what happened when I woke up I thought that I got into a coma cus wtf it's was a looooooooong one and it gilt so vivid a and real.

🕸️If anyone read thins and wants to make It a story or something please tag me the phontom troupe dorm is such a brain rot for me I don't know.

Anyways baaay

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k-dokja · 2 years

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Sally misunderstood a few things and demanded clarity on a few others.

"Thanks for helping me move," Eli sighs before unlocking the door to his rented room, "there's not a lot, so I believe we should be able to do it in one trip."

In his arms, Yenna giggles giddily at the unusual crowded presence, "Ga!" Behind the two of them, Sally and Warren stand waiting. Both of them exchange a smile, equal in relief and apprehension. It has been a while since they have another member living in the Hostel building. Eli's return is welcomed, but strange at the same time. So much has happened.

"Do you need me to help look after Yenna?" Sally offers. "So at least you can have free hands to pack."

"No, it's fine," Eli gives her a pacifying smile and nudges the door in. "She won't stay home today, anyway. We don't have to worry about her getting in the way. Right, Yenna?"

Like she understands him, Yenna replies. "Ba!"

Sally exchanges another look with Warren, he returns her his own confusion. Something about this feels strange.

The two of them follow inside after Eli. His rented room is a small one. The sleeping area and the kitchen are all packed in one room. It is what Sally envisioned before she comes over. Yet, there is a lot that she fails to determine. Things that leave her stumped.

"Hey, [nice] crib," Warren says. The crib in his sentence is not the synonym for living space. Indeed, it is an actual crib he's talking about. Not an old, well-used one that blends in with the remainder of Eli's living space, but an expensive wooden crib put next to a wall. It is… unbearably out of place.

At least, it would be had it not for the copious amount of toys surrounding it. Every and each one of them bears nothing of the market toys Sally often sees on her shopping trips. In fact, they are a better fit for one of those luxurious catalogues than anything else.

Sally feels vaguely ill.

"Ah, thanks," Eli says, "I didn't pick it though, it's a gift from a friend."

Nervously, Sally echoes him. "A friend?"

"Yeah," he continues blithely, ignorant to her concern, "you should be able to meet her soon, she's coming over to pick Yenna up."

Again, Sally's eyes meet Warren's. Both of them share the same thought. At least, that's what she has in mind until she sees the passive expression on his face. He has a nonchalant expression worn on, a contrast to her panicked one. Warren mouths at her, "What?"

But there is no way she can have this conversation with him behind Eli's back if he cannot understand what's going on. Really, Sally'd never expect Eli of all people to be the one ending up with a sugar mommy. Then again, none of them expects Yenna to come when she did either. Life is full of strange things that Sally wants to avoid, but it appears she has no choice this time around. Not to mention, she was not in Eli's position. Raising Yenna mustn't have been easy, it is no wonder Eli has to resort to this.

As Sally watches Eli putting Yenna's toys into a basket, her heart aches for him. Maybe with their help, Eli would no longer have to get the money that way anymore. However, if he chooses to continue with this path, everyone in Hostel will have to make peace with it somehow. Sally rolls her shoulder, bracing herself for what is to come. She will do better this time, she will be supportive.

"You left the door opened."

Just as that thought concludes, a new voice comes up from behind them. Sally becomes paralyzed. She knows her resolved only settled a moment ago, yet she does not expect the next challenge to come this quick. No matter how she puts it, she's not ready to face Eli's sugar mommy.

"This is wrong…!"

"Huh, hey," Warren is the one to respond before Sally. His face lacks the surprise she expects from him. Whether it's because he's unmoved by anything, she doesn't know, but it's not a response one should make to their friend's sugar mommy. Eli's glucose mother!

"You must be Sally and Warren, Eli mentioned you."

Sally turns slowly, her eyes open until the tiny peek turns into full-on eye contact with the newcomer. It is a face far younger and far prettier than anything she drummed up in her mind the moment prior. Posh clothes in fine materials with beautiful, refined features. This girl is even more out of place here than the crib at the corner of Eli's room. None of the words in Sally can describe this girl in full except "opulence."

"And you are…" Sally begins, tentatively. However, before she has the chance to hear the answer from you, Eli is the one to answer her, joining the three of you from further in the room.

"The friend I mentioned," Eli explains in succinct terms, "she's going to babysit Yenna for today's afternoon so I can move."

With that, he hands you Yenna. The little girl giggles in increasing excitement as she sees you, hands reaching out to grab for you. "Mama!"

You smile at her call, accepting her into your arms with practised ease. "Yes, mama's here. We're going to have so much fun today. Right, Yenna?"

"Yenna!"

"Mama…?" Sally turns to stare at Eli. His eyes widen, and his mouth opens then closes. The struggle to explain draws clear on his face. However, that conversation has to wait for later, you are the one to interrupt it from happening.

"Well, I'll be taking my leave," you nod at the three of them, "call me when you're done."

The last of your words are aimed toward Eli. However, he only replies with a distracted, "Okay," then he fixes on a small smile, false cheer evident, "you two have fun!"

"You know she always has more fun with me than you," you stick your tongue out at him, surprisingly childish in contrast to your refined and elegant appearance.

Sally is appalled, not knowing what to make of the exchange. However, Eli only takes your taunt with a feigned offence, "Ah, that hurts me in here." He clutches his chest but continues to maintain his smile. This time, it's genuine.

To Sally's further shock, Yenna shows no resistance while you walk away with her. In fact, she even turns to wave at Eli. "Ba! Papa!" Something which turns Eli's affection into another form of softness. The entire exchange is nothing out of ordinary, yet it is utterly bizarre in Sally's eyes.

Once you're out of the earshot, Sally turns her heel on Eli, "Mama?"

"Listen…" Eli raises his hands in defence. "I can explain."

Sally holds back a little, only because of how overt she realizes she's being. "I'm sure you can, this is…! This is!" She waves her hands in the general direction of your departure. "How do you explain it?"

Eli scratches the back of his neck, "Well, she's… wealthy," he says, "enough to have a lot of money to spare and… It's complicated."

Finally, Warren decides to be helpful, "[Make it] simple, then." Only that he's not being very clear on his helpfulness.

"I'm not accepting all of these for free, you know," Eli sighs, "I do intend on returning her generosity, but until I can do that…"

He bites down on his lower lip. Whatever he has in mind, it's not easy to put into words. Sally can see that and the need to pull back from this aggression arises in her. She sighs, relenting to give him the slip. "All right, but we'll need to have a serious talk about this later. Especially the mama thing."

"Oh," Eli smiles awkwardly, "I can explain that now actually, she just spends a lot of time babysitting Yenna, so hence."

"And she makes Yenna call her mama?" Sally frowns.

"No, no, she didn't make Yenna do anything," Eli laughs a little, flustered more than anything, "I was trying to teach her and using whatever worked, I guess she caught up on it."

Sally eases her tension a little, it makes sense… but at the same time, it doesn't sit with her. "Are you dating her?" Sally nods towards your exit once more. "Is that why she's helping you?"

Somehow, Eli's fluster vanishes to leave places for something worse. Sadness. "…No, we're only friends and I don't think it's possible either. Her helping with Yenna is already more than I can ask for… I can't possibly…" He sighs. "I know my place, I'm happy with what I have. It's already more than I deserve. If I get any greedier about it… she's a good friend, I don't want to lose her."

No matter how many questions she has, Sally has to accept that pushing it further at this moment would do no one any good. She steps back, and a sigh passes her lips, "I understand but… Can you promise we'll make head and tail of this once we're back at home?"

"Promise," he says, "we can sit her down to talk about this if you want, I think she'd understand."

Sally presses her lips together, pondering that thought. "I'll think about it, but I want to talk to you about it first before anything. But if you're happy…" She says. "What else can we do except be happy for you?"

"[That's] right," Warren adds, "besides, [she's] pretty, [I can see] why Eli likes her."

Momentary puzzlement takes over Eli's features, "I don't like her simply because she's pretty… Wait, is it that obvious that I like her?"

With an unctuous smile, Warren nudges Eli's side, "Yep, [everyone can] see it, [right], Sally?"

"Stop swallowing your words," Sally deadpans, "but yes, everyone and their mother see it. We really need to have a talk about that too."

"...Really?" Eli mutters. "I thought I hide it pretty well, after all… she shows no sign of knowledge about my feeling at all. Maybe you guys can see it better? What if she knows and chooses to not acknowledge about it? Maybe she doesn't want to make it awkward between us, that's probably it..."

"Oh, Eli."

"Right?"

#eli jang #eli jang x reader #lookism #lookism x reader #fics

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brandnewhuman · 2 years

Note

Bestie can i request starting a family with the Sinclair twins?

Best family in town

♡Headcanons♡

☆STARRING☆

Vincent Sinclair ☆ aka waxy sexy man with big unhinged husband energy

Bo Sinclair ☆ aka greasy malewife very pretty very head empty, that lives in my head rent free

CONTENT

Tw: canon violence, mature language, some angst, talks about the twins past ecc

A/n: ONE OF MY FAV MOOTS MAKING REQUESTS? ABOUT DILF BO? AND DILF VINNY? HOW CAN I SAY NO? SGDHSKAKSJHDAHAH going feral for this type of content. BRO, I'm sorry if this is kind of shitty but I've tried my best. While doing it I keep having this feeling of misunderstanding the fucking assignment but it what it is, hope you like it nonetheless. BTW, BO WOULD BE A GREAT DAD. AND VINNY IS LITERALLY HUSBAND MATERIAL SO let's get going

Bo Sinclair:

Dilf Bo is something I will never shut up about. The bitch lives in my brain rent free and I'm shamelessly allowing it

Bo is already pretty much into the whole family thing but, funnily enough, he has never thought about starting his own

like idk if it makes sense but he sees himself as someone who is meant to help others become the best version of themselves but at the same time he doesn't feel like he's a caregiver because he does not have the means to be one(?)

It's like with his brothers, he loves them yes but he kind of has to be there for them. He didn't really have a choice, he was meant to make vinny shine

He was the bas example that made other people act right if you get what I mean

I like to think about dilf Bo post house of wax

I feel like he would have time to get in a better mental space. Having you around and helping him understand that he deserves more than just ruining his life to make his mother happy

If we're talking about during house of wax Bo I feel like he would be more prominent to accidentally adopt (read: kidnap because he killed their parents) a child

It's not that he doesn't want a kid of his own but he's really scared of the kid turning out like him. He doesn't want anyone to feel like those

Plus if you, for any reason, can't have a child it's a win win situation

Older Bo would steal the gremlin on purpose as soon as you say you want a kid

It's all about the Bo you want a family with bro

One thing is for sure, Bo would always be the most patient parent ever

He would protect that child with his own life. Maybe young Bo would not stop doing psycho himbo shit for them but he would definitely be more careful because of them

I can see how positively a kid could affect Bo

He wouldn't have to see his child as someone superior to him or someone he has to make look good, that's why he feels so much more free to interact with the kid in more healthy ways.

For example I can see him picking up good habits so the child does the same which results in Bo taking more care of himself

He's all for the domestic bliss babes. My man doesn't even think about it, he's already acting like a malewife

I genuinely think that besides you, the kid would be one of the few people to see Bo's true personality

You would catch him teaching the kid how to play piano or taking him for rides on the truck while secretly teaching him how to drive

It's like he has a new found joyful energy within him ever since the kid is around.

He is less loomy and more genuine. He cares less about keeping at bay every emotion

Having someone who looks up to him with such genuine love and admiration is like the best thing Bo has ever experienced

He will teach the kid that he doesn't has to be good at anything to deserve love

Expect lots of quality family time together like Sunday morning watching cartoons while having breakfast, going together to get the groceries ecc

He has never experienced those things in a normal and healthy way so he obviously wants his kid to have them

I JUST KNOW THAT BO IS THE TYPE OF DAD WHO'S ALWAYS SAYING HE WONT LET THE KID HAVE THEIR WAY BUT ENDS UP SPOILING THEM ANYWAYS

the way that child will straight up girlboss his way with Bo

The kid is a fucking menace and worst part is that Bo will be in denial

At the end of the day Bo loves the kid more than anything

But won't accept Lester or vinny saying he's getting soft because of it.

BUT BESIDES THE DAMN KID BRO IS HAVING A WHOLE CHANGE OF ATTITUDE WITH YOU TOO

He already likes to be with you (obviously, otherwise you would be wax) but now that you and him have this whole family thing? Oh lord

He used to take distances from you cause even if he loves you and you have shown to love him, he's still afraid you would change your mind

He just has a very hard time with being open with his feelings ecc

Now that you both have a family ecc he feels more confident in the fact that you love him

He won't openly tell you everything he feels ecc but he will try to show you what he thinks ecc without being too explicit

That leads to him not waiting to stay away for too long. There will be times where he will just let it slide with some visitors if they're not particularly rude ecc so he can go home early to spend the day with you and the kid

I feel like if you play your cards well, he might consider moving out of Ambrose at some point.

IDK MAN. MAYBE I'M WRONG BUT IT'S MY DILF BO AND I DO WHAT I WANT WITH IT. MAKE IT WORK

Vincent Sinclair

Now dilf vinny is something I have never thought about but OH GOD IF IT SOUNDS GOOD

Just imagine Vinny drawing with his kid sitting on his lap.

Or them taking naps together cause the little bro kept pestering him about reading together

Unlike Bo I don't Vinny has ever saw himself as any sort of family person or role model

I'm going to say something brave yet controversial here

I don't think Vinny would be very fond of the whole family idea

THERE, I SAID IT. DON'T COME AT ME, I CAN EXPLAIN

His concept of family is just really fucked up. In his mind, family is something meant to drag you down and ruin your life one way or another

When he was a kid his own family made him feel ashamed of something his own father was responsible of

He had to see how they abused and never shown any type of understanding or empathy towards his brother

He had to see how they just straight up neglected Lester and made Bo take care of everything

That plus making him believe if he didn't had any talent or anything special to compensate what "God took away from him" then he didn't deserve the right to be loved or happy

So yeah he's pretty much against the whole family thing. Especially after seeing how much their parents behaviour affected Bo to the point that he made his and Vinny's life be all about their mother wishes

So that being said, I think he would take the idea of being a father better if it was accidental

Same ol jazz if you can't have kids then kidnapping it is

Tbh, TBH, you will be kind of on your own for a while

Maybe he will help with small things like keeping an eye on the kid ecc but other than that he will keep distance

I can see him starting to come around the idea once he has the opportunity to see that having a kid is not that bad

It's not that he doesn't like the child, it's just that he's scared.

Like Bo, he is scared of being like his parents. Like he's terrified of turning out to say like his mom

But seeing how happy you look while taking care of the kid is slowly starting to grow on him

It starts with him cooking the meals for them so you can rest, keeping the gremlin company while watching TV

I can definitely see them bonding over art

Maybe the kid sees his dad doing sketches ecc and asks if he can do it too

I think that would be the moment where vinny realises that family doesn't always has to be something bad

For a moment he is carefree, having fun drawing silly things that aren't even that great but he doesn't care cause his kid likes then anyway so it's okay

Like you can actively see his gaze softening as he looks at the small bro.

From that point forward he becomes the best dad ever

The workshop is forbidden zone for the kid but fear do not, he will go out of it more often so he can be with you and the kid

I JUST KNOW VINNY WILL MAKE HIS CHILD BE A MENACE TO BO. LIKE THEY'RE ACTIVELY BULLYING THE POOR MAN

I'm saying this now, THAT KID? THAT LITTLE SHIT? WILL HAVE WAY MORE VINNY PRIVILEGES THAN YOU

it is what it is. He is a dad now, deal with it

One of the most precious moments you will witness is Vinny letting his kid take off his mask.

Like you can see he's kind of nervous but doesn't immediately lashes out and yells at the kid. He just stays really still and tries to not look them in the face

As soon as he feels the tiny hand touching his face, he looks at them just to see they're not scared

Obviously it's a kid so they will ask the weirdest questions ever but none of them have to do with being scared or anything

Like I said for Bo, vinny becoming a dad will have a positive effect on him

He will start to value himself more, he will start to see himself as a human deserving of love no matter what

And he loves you so much for that cause if you didn't insist on keeping the kid, he would've never had all this wonderful moments

He loves to make draws of you and the kid together. He despises photos so he just fills sketchbooks upon sketchbooks of all his favourite moments with his family

Encourages his kid to do the same tho, and he keeps all the drawings as if they were the most precious thing in the world

About the killings I genuinely feel like he wouldn't be as motivated to keep up with as before

I mean, he has now everything a person could've dream of to be happy. He has the life he always wanted and envy others for having

Cause like I said, Vinny's motivation to kill is to make people feel as miserable as he is. But if he's not miserable and he now feels whole thanks to you and his child, then there's no point in keep doing all of that

Besides he wants his kid to be proud of him, he doesn't want to risk everything he has in any way, shape or form

#slasher fandom #slashers #slasher community #slasher fanfiction #slasher x reader #horror movies #slasher headcanons #house of wax #bo sinclair #vincent sinclair #brian van holt #vincent sinclair x reader #bo sinclair x reader #slasher movies #slasher #slasher imagines

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sublimecatgalaxy · 2 years

Note

can you write fluff alphabet with Robin Buckley pls?

I loved this.

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

I think that she'd definitely love to rent a movie from the video store on a day where she's not working, just so she can rub it in Steve and Keith's face that she has a stellar girlfriend.

Other than that, I think she'd really just wanna hang in instead of going out anywhere, she's definitely a homebody and appreciates the quiet days she spends with you.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

She admires that you trust her so much. With all of the weird stuff that happens and has happened in Hawkin's, you really just followed her lead and went with it, even without answers or explanations. She thinks that your trust in her and vice versa is the best part of your relationship.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

She'd definitely panic seeing you panic. She's the type of person who feels for another person when they're experiencing something terrible or frightening so I'm sure she wouldn't be that good at handling it in the beginning.

Eventually, she would grow accustomed to how you are and learn how to help you and comfort you the best she can.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Damn, she really just wants a few cats and you and a tiny little house. She wants to move far enough outside of Hawkins to be free from the hold it's had on her but she wants to stay close enough to Steve and the other friends she's made along the way.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

She's honestly the more out spoken one but not out of a place of control. She's good at not taking bullshit but she's not always the best at reading the room. But if someone was being rude to you or being ignorant, she'd put them in their place.

Saying that, she still does like when you order her food for her and help her make doctors appointments.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

She hated fighting. She was a firm believer that it doesn't get anyone anywhere and she'd much rather take the time to talk it out, and eventually come to an agreement. But, sometimes, you'd get into little arguments, bickering for a bit over something stupid.

She'd be the first one to apologize always, even if you know it's your fault.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

She's extremely grateful in a sense that she's grateful that you simply put up with her. That leads to her thanking you for anything and everything that you do even if it's expected from you or a simple task.

She's like hyperaware of everything you do.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Let's be honest, Robin sucks at lying so she would go above and beyond to tell you anything and everything she knows, just to make sure that she doesn't accidentally tell on herself and then start an argument.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

She would definitely become a bit more calm about life in general with you. You'd rub off on her in a good way and she'd definitely learn a thing or two about relaxing and living in the moment, even when she's not the best at it.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

She would feel jealousy but she'd go above and beyond to make sure that you know that she doesn't not trust you. She trusts you with her whole life but she didn't like when other people didn't respect that you were in a relationship, especially men.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Duh. I think Robin would've been practicing since puberty on her pillow so she's well prepared. Obviously it changes from person to person but I think she panicked about being a good kisser so she did as much research as possible to ensure that she'd be able to please you.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

It would be jumbled and messy. She really wouldn't know how else to do it other than spewing it out at the least convenient time. She would just end up rambling for a bit until you shut her up with a kiss and a heartfelt confession of your own.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Well, given the time in history, you'd just assume that you would just make your own marriage certificate and hang it up on the wall. I'm talking crayons and signatures on construction paper. It would be perfect for the both of you and after going out and buying some rings, it would be enough.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

She would come up with the CRAZIEST and SILLIEST nicknames of al time. Like she'd go above and beyond just to see you get blushy and bashful, or even playfully annoyed. She just loved to make you laugh but on a serious note, she liked to call you bub or bug, and playfully lover if she's teasing you.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

I think that Steve would notice first and then literally shove her in the direction of coming clean to you. He would use the 'well if you don't tell her, I will' threat and that would work pretty quick.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

She would sometimes forget that you guys were in public or around other people. Typically, she'd want to be well behaved and make sure you're comfortable but sometimes it's so hard to not kiss you and keep her hands off of you.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Robin doesn't have a mean bone in her body. She was never spiteful or passive aggressive towards you which leads to you guys having a very kind, non-confrontational relationship which just made being with each other so easy.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

I think she's an accidental romantic. She'd say something sweet and you'd fawn and she'd be thinking 'wait, what did I say again?'. You think that it's sweet that she's just so naturally, unintentionally sweet and kind.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

I think that, once Robin finds out that you want something or have a goal you want to achieve, she'd immediately be researching how she can help you and what she can do to get you there. Like she'd be obsessive about it.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

She likes a routine, especially since that ensures she can see you. She likes your sleepovers and she likes the specific places that you go out to dinner or lunch. Sometimes you'd come up with a new place and she'd panic a bit but then realize, as long as she's with you, she doesn't mind.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Robin is a bit too understanding.

Sometimes you'll say something and it might come off rude and you'll apologize and she'll genuinely have no idea why you're apologizing. She rarely ever takes offense to anything, even when she probably should lol.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

You're one of the most important people in her life. You, her and Steve used to be the three musketeers so you were already important to her, along with Steve. But loving you so much, being in love with you, it just solidifies her need for you in her life.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Robin would literally develop a liking for everything that you like. Like if you liked a certain food, she'd like it too. Your favorite movie? It's hers now too. You would just morph into the same human after a few months of being together.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

She's a very affectionate person but she can't always read the room. Sometimes she'd end up embarrassed after kissing you senselessly, forgetting you two were in the middle of the grocery store or mall. You'd just play it off and tell her you thought it was cute when she 'forgets her surroundings cuz she's too busy kissing you'.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

She's very needed so Robin would not cope well. Steve would be annoyed at all of the whining and pleading that would come from the freckled girl, complaining about missing you so much.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Any length. Assuming you and her were together during all of the Hawkin's drama, you both learned that you'd be willing to save each other's lives and put yourselves on the line for one another. There was nothing that you wouldn't do for each other.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Taglist: @bubblebuttwade @rafelover2405 @leslienjazzy @sorceresss @grxnde-dwt @alex–awesome–22 @bunnietoof @niyamar1e @serialghost @plantlungs @geniusohn @akaliltimmytim @lilaalouuxx @xshariex @elliotsbeigeguitar @elle4404 @lelieja @srhxpci @joselyn001 @taysirene @spinkspanther @thedivineuphoria @peter-maximoffs @tsukishimawhore @poohkie90 @szlaco @distantsighs @nstyles4299 @wolflover384 @givemefoodandlovesstuff @vane28282 @yeswhatever33 @amirrahfranson @vvaalleennttiinna @f-mu @yaspillz @jeyramarie @skylievin@abbybarnes17 @jointherebellion215 @visiondaddy @steezysimfinds @its-ya-gay-boi-luigi @crunchytoenailsyum@glizzymcguirex @beth123lg @melovesmut @rafecameronswhore @ariianelle @write-from-the-heart @vampviolets@haylee-e@popehaywardssecretgf @honee-chai-tea @lokiandbuckywife @smoke-and-fire @officiallyunofficialperson@heyaitsklaudia@rosepetalsparks @bluetreecloud20 @scenesofobx @double-shot-of-tequila @1dluver13xx @colbysbrocks @iamasimpingh0e @smoke-and-fire386 @loveshineslikethesky @id-3-kbro @diorsitgirl @errorfound101-allideasburnedout @neverwillknowme18 @ellyskey @taylors-folk @loversjoy @myaloveee @thyris-is @lagataprrr

#robin #robin buckley #robin x reader #robin buckley x reader #stranger things #stranger things fic

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charmedtodeath · 1 year

Text

These Traps We Fall Into | Robert Stahl/fem character (Part 1)

Summary: Agent Stahl is working on a case investigating corruption in the NYPD when he discovers his asset has more to offer than just intel and evidence. (Third person POV)

TW/CW: stalking, obsession, obsessive behavior, abuse of authority, abuse of power, possessive behavior, inappropriate behavior, general creepiness, age gap

a/n: Hello, fellow Warren Kole enjoyers. I didn’t want this to be Shades of Blue 2.0 so in place of Harlee, the detective character is a man with an unnamed adult daughter. Third person despite being a reader insert because it’s easier to tell the story that way and a lot of people hate first person POV lol. Loosely inspired by an idea sent to @rors-grvs

Read on AO3

Part 2

Special Agent Stahl has never been the type of person to just let things go. Winning and being right are the most important things to him, and he'll stop at almost nothing to get what he wants. He craves control and power, among other things. What he didn't expect during his most recent investigation on corruption in the NYPD was how much he ended up craving her.

Stahl, of course, had profiled her detective father and knew almost everything there was to know about him: where he lived, what kind of car he drove, where he stopped for coffee in the morning, and all about the racketeering and corruption he was about to be arrested for. His daughter, on the other hand, only thought of her dad as a morally upright man who'd sworn to protect and serve, and had no idea about the payoffs he was taking. He was just one of New York's finest. Dear old dad was simply making the community a better place and it showed, according to the improved crime statistics in Brooklyn.

So when her dad suddenly began having to work on more cases than usual and was acting strange, she chalked it up to coincidence. New York City was always a busy place and there's no rest for the wicked. She herself was too swamped to really pry into him and figure out what was going on, and she felt like a bad daughter for not trying harder.

After all, emotionally supporting him was the least she could do while he was letting her stay with him, rent free. Medical school isn't going to be cheap and scholarships and grants won't cover everything. She's been spending nearly all her available time picking up extra ambulance shifts to save as much money as possible in an attempt to avoid drowning in debt later down the road.

As much as she wanted to follow in his footsteps and become a detective like him someday, she took after her mother instead. They had been a stereotypical couple; a cop falling in love with an emergency room nurse. After a couple of kids and a divorce resulting in her younger brother preferring to live with their mom and stepfather, she stayed in NYC with Pops.

Medicine seemed like a more promising career, anyway, with a lower likelihood of getting hurt on the job. On the advice of her pre-med academic advisor, she had picked up a job soon after turning 18 as an EMT for the FDNY to get a taste of emergency medicine. She loved the adrenaline rush and the chance to help people at their worst. Eventually, she was able to complete the steps to become a paramedic the year before finishing her undergrad degree in biology. The acceptance to four different schools soon came along and she'd be starting at NYU this coming fall. She loved the energy of the city and didn't want to give it up for more rural locations. There was simply no better place to live and breathe the intensities of emergency care.

All in all, it was really the perfect situation- she got to move back in with her father and save thousands on rent, work was close by, and it would still be a few months before she had to start commuting to Manhattan for school. That being said, things had changed by the end of May. Her dad was suddenly working insane hours and she'd usually end up eating dinner alone, sometimes not running into him again until the following morning. Seeing him abruptly run down and anxious sparked her worry and she decided to catch him at breakfast to investigate after a week of his strange behavior.

"Is everything okay at work, Dad? I haven't seen you around much this week."

"Oh, there's no need to worry about me, kid. Just have a lot going on with an extra heavy caseload, that's all." It wasn't unrealistic for him to have a thick stack of case files to get through, but it had been relatively quiet in Brooklyn for the past few months. The uptick in activity has been worrying her.

"If you say so. Just so you know, I'm gonna be back super late tonight. Running a double today."

"Don't hurt yourself working too hard. I love you."

"Love you, too. Maybe you should take your own advice, though. I'll see you later." Without another word, she slides on her work boots before leaving the apartment, and she swears she hears him sigh in relief once she's halfway through the door.

It seems like everyone in Brooklyn decided that today was the day they absolutely needed to go to the hospital. There were nonstop ambulance runs all morning and afternoon, and she and her partner barely had time to go back to their base location in between runs. So much for catching up on podcast episodes.

By the time she gets back home, it is well after midnight and all she wants to do is shower off the sweat and grime before collapsing in bed. Luckily, she's on second shift next so she would be able to sleep in. If she had been more awake and alert, maybe she'd have noticed the contents of her dresser being slightly askew, or her hair brush a few centimeters to the left of its usual spot. Her father had taught her to always be alert and observant, but pure exhaustion made her overlook the fine details.

In fact, she had become so hyperfocused on work and training a new EMT for the past few days that she had failed to notice she was being tailed. Nobody would have questioned a man in a suit with a badge at the scene of a shooting. If she had seen him, she would have assumed he was just another detective milling about while she treated victims and sent away anyone who needed to be transported to the hospital. The following day, she paid no attention to the same man watching her in the freezer section of the grocery store on her way home.

She had learned to be vigilant about more traditional threats in the city- people walking a little too closely behind her at night, creepy onlookers who were overly fascinated by female paramedics and tried to flirt while she was working, or intoxicated patients that harassed and tried to hurt her in the back of the ambulance. These kinds of threats felt more real because she could see, hear, and sometimes smell them.

All the years of training and learning to defend her personal space and emotional boundaries were worth nothing compared to someone who picked apart people for a living. Her father and his Street Crimes Unit had been under surveillance for weeks before he was ever arrested, and she was simply an afterthought to most people working on the case. Daughter, age 23, lives with surveillance subject in Brooklyn is what they'd note about her before moving on to the next part of the profile. Robert Stahl is not most people.

At first, he was only interested in taking down her father's corrupt lieutenant and trying to link him directly to the laundered payoff money. But as soon as Stahl laid eyes on her, he knew this detective was the one he'd be picking up and offering an immunity deal to in exchange for becoming an FBI informant. Her dad was very careful to hide all of this from her, not wanting to add any more undue stress in her life when she was about to start medical school. Stahl was careful to hide his tracks as well, making sure she didn't spot him while he was watching her and not stealing anything each time he broke into their apartment. He would look, he would touch, but he wouldn't take.

She had become a personal project to him, a bonus that came along while he was working on a real investigation. It took only weeks for his obsession to grow and fester into something so powerful that he swore he'd do anything to protect her. If her father didn't hold up his end of the bargain and ended up in prison, Stahl would ensure she was taken care of. He could give her a better home and a better life than her father was capable of.

When things began to fall apart for the detective and he was spending more and more time away from home, Stahl was able to sneak into their apartment as often as he wanted. With a GPS tracker carefully hidden in the thick sole of her work boots and location tracking on her dad's phone, he didn't have to worry about either of them showing up at home unexpectedly. He was free to invade her space, touching her clothes and imagining her wearing outfits for him, laying in her bed and picturing her there with him. He was fully hooked and didn't want anything getting in his way. He'd be damned before he let another man take her away from him.

Stahl quickly began manipulating her environment to get what he wanted, jealousy getting the better of him. The little things bothered him the most. Firefighters talking to her and making her laugh, male partners on her ambulance, and any other man that got a little too close for Stahl's comfort when he was watching her.

All of this, and she had no idea he was there in the background every step of the way. She didn't have that feeling of being watched. There was no presence in every room she went into, or an inkling that she was being followed down the street. Stahl was too careful for that, so he intervened in invisible ways.

She often stops at a convenience store near the EMS station to pick up snacks and drinks, and it was clear one of the clerks had taken a liking to her. Most of the time she'd be in and out in less than five minutes, sometimes by herself and others with her partner. Either way, Stahl didn't like the way this young man looked at her.

"Getting the usual again, I see." She places the energy drink and peanut M&Ms on the counter, pulling out her credit card to pay as her trainee waits by the door, flipping through a magazine and sipping his own energy drink.

"Any small treat on a busy day is worth it. Probably shouldn't be drinking this crap, though."

The clerk takes the opportunity to shoot his shot with her, and clears his throat before making a move, "I know you come in here all the time and that you're really busy, but if you want to let off some steam, there's some pretty good parties in Flatbush on weekends. Let me know if you ever feel like hanging out. Don't bring the ambulance, though." Seeing that cute little laugh through the windows is enough to make Stahl furious.

To rectify the situation, he takes out his phone and places a fake 911 call for an old woman having chest pain in the vicinity of the convenience store, knowing the call will almost certainly be sent to her unit. He smiles to himself when he sees her talking into the radio. Once she comes outside again, he can finally hear that sweet voice.

"10-4, ALS unit responding," she tells the dispatcher. "Come on, Probie. Let's see how you do with this one."

Stahl watches as she hops in the back of the ambulance while the trainee rides up front with her partner, flipping on the lights and siren before pulling away from the curb. He follows far behind, not worried about losing them since he already knows where they're headed. It's too bad he can't follow her around for longer today. After all, there's still a real investigation to work on and he has to meet with his asset. He wants to hate her father to the core, but this angel was created by the man he so desperately wants out of the picture and he has to be somewhat thankful for her existence.

Following another attempt of getting her father to wear a wire to collect a scrap of indictable evidence, Stahl waits in his car to listen in on the conversation while scrolling through all his pictures and videos of her. He touches the screen in an attempt to stroke her soft skin, his imagination working on overdrive to think of what it would be like to touch her. It would be so easy for him to sneak into her room later while she's sleeping and play with the loose strands of hair splayed across the pillow or sweep his fingers over those strong legs she keeps hiding from him under her cargo pants. But no, he wants her to want him first. He needs to hear her say it.

#robert stahl #robert stahl shades of blue #agent stahl #robert stahl x reader #shades of blue fanfic #warren kole characters

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miroimirage · 7 months

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Yet another wip! I don't want to do the background... but I'll have to get to it eventually

The background makes everything flat since it's just a wip, but here are the characters only (I like this version much better, the background right now is just a guide so it makes it all look unfinished)

#frubbo #fred qsmp #qsmp fanart #qtubbo #qsmp #qsmp fred #qsmp workers #qsmp lore #qsmp federation #qsmp tubbo #frebbo #qsmp admins #federation workers #i didn't expect this to become the new thing that just lives rent free in my brain

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theredcapeofk · 4 months

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20 Questions More

A deeper and more detailed version of the 20 questions for AO3 fanfic writers. Thanks @fazedlight for the tag!!

1) How do you keep getting ideas for your ship/fandom?

I have three main sources of inspiration:

my own brain where my ship and fandoms live rent-free.

tumblr: other people's works keep the passion alive and new ideas coming

discussing the ships and fandoms with other fans

2) Which authors inspire you in your fandom, and why are they so freakishly good?

So many of you guys do inspire me for so many different reasons it's hard to make a list.

3) Aside from the characters of your main ship, who are the characters you love to write?

I love to have Eliza around she brings a sense of calm and reassurance to my scenes. I also love to have Esme, she's so cute and I like having her melt everyone's hearts from sheer cuteness.

4) Are there pairings or tropes you know for sure you'd never write about? Which ones?

Writing and reading fanfics have taught me that my views tend to change on ships and tropes. So my never today could inspire me tomorrow.

5) What is your writing process and why is it cursed?

I don't know about a writing process... I get an inspiration and start writing. Sometimes I outline longer fics and sometimes the stories cannot be outlined so I let it write itself as I go. Of course I make the whole thing coherent.

If that wasn't cursed enough, I'll just add that there are times where my brain just won't English so I have to think my writing in French and translate it.

6) What is your favorite part of your writing process?

The outpour of inspiration that makes me write until my eyes/fingers hurt

7) What’s the weirdest thing you’ve had to research for a fic?

I honestly don't remember. But every research I ever make for a fic is a fall down the rabbit hole. You start by a word research and two hours later you end up watching a tutorial on how to comb a Giraffe's hair...(It never actually happened, but you get my point lol)

8) Is there a particular writing rule you struggle with (grammar, spelling, tense, reality in general)?

Sometimes all of the above plus typos and the sequence of tenses? This used to never be a problem, but the further I get from my English classes the blurrier sequence of tenses become.

9) What was your hardest scene to write so far and why?

Fight scenes and action scenes. Like how am I supposed to describe who does what and how...?

10) Have your characters ever done something you didn’t expect, changing your plot completely?

Very often. In Change my Direction Kara was supposed to heal a lot faster. And then she didn't and here we are lol. In My Eyes are Up Here Kara was supposed to spill the secret sooner but she couldn't. And in a project I'm still working on on the rift era, Lena was supposed to cave in sooner but she's stubborn lol

11) If you could converse with any of the characters, who would it be and why?

Definitely Kara and Lena. I have so many questions and I would love their take on what canon left unsaid. I would also like to speak to Brainy and Cat. I would pester Brainy about the 31st century to know the extent of Kara's and Lena's legacy. I'd ask Cat how she managed to create Catco and also what finally gave Kara away.

12) What are some of the tropes or themes that you find yourself returning to in your writing?

Kara and Lena are always idiots in love in my fics and when they do admit their feelings to each other, they only live for one another.

As for themes, I tend to come back to the rift era because canon created a tension that needed solving and their version only broached the surface. And this conflict brought so many things to the surface for the characters there are so many alternate answers to be given I feel that it's an exploration that keeps on giving.

13) What's your most important resource as a writer?

My phone. I've been writing mostly on my phone for years and I love the flexibility it gives me. I can carry it around with me and write whenever inspiration strikes.

14) Can you share some of your strategies for editing and revising your work?

You guys actually have strategies for that? Hahaha. What I tend to do, is highlight words or sentences as I go along. Then, when I'm done with a chapter, I put the fic away for a few days and then I start re-reading the chapter from the start. Best-case scenario I take the highlights off, worst-case scenario I highlight more stuff lol. As some words need translating I try to do this step incrementally because I know how long or hard the language check can be.

When I get stuck to a point where I can't move on, I beg my English speaking friends for help. @lenaralanvers has helped me so much since 2021

15) Which is worse: making the summary, picking the tags, or the anxiety when you post your fic?

The summary is always my absolute nemesis

16) How do you define success for your fanfic - hits? Kudos? Comments? Bookmarks? Or just if you like it?

I think I define it from the hits.

17) Do you have a playlist for your favorite character/ship?

I do have a playlist for Supercorp and it's always growing. There's a lot of Celine Dion and Greek pop songs in it. There's something about Celine Dion's voice and late 90's and early 2000's songs that just screams Supercorp to me. The Greek pop songs have a special way of expressing pain and regret that fits perfectly with the rift era.

18) If fan art was going to be made from your work, which fic would you pick and which fan artist would you like to create it?

If I had to pick someone, I would commission them :). maybe 2024 is the year I finally do this.

And if anyone wants to create fanart from any of my fics please feel free to.

19) How many WIPs do you currently have?

Phew...tough question! I don't have time to actually count them all, but I'd say twelve? out of the top of my head. Some will be one shots, some will hopefully become multichapters.

20) What's your advice to new fanfic writers?

If you want to write fanfic go for it. Don't let anything or anyone stop you from ever writing. Never plagiarize anyone and if you get your inspiration from someone, always give credit.

- - - - -

Tagging (respectfully and without pressure). If you've done the game before, feel free to send me a link to it ;) @chaotic-super, @lenaralanvers , @inkedroplets , @fyonahmacnally if you want some rapid-fire q's thrown your way. But also anyone who'd like to do this!

#20 questions #writing

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mirage-of-the-virtuoso · 1 year

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Because I've been thinking about it again: there is an au that lives rent-free in my head about Chrysallus becoming a courtier.

NMC!Chrys (who will be referred to as "Siren") deals a lot with staying detached, with seeming wild and chaotic (to the point of off-putting other courtiers), and generally just making himself out to be the villain for Dreamers and Courtiers alike.

When he first awoke after the whole debacle with the Dream getting attacked on the day of his awakening, Chrys did have a lot of people eyeballing him, gossiping about him, suspicion in their eyes because what sapling would stand there and try to connect with something that is very clearly trying to kill them?

With the new fascination with observing duality among their kin, Chrysallus then heard whispers in the shadows. He heard their hushed murmurs about him being a courtier spy, about him falling to Nightmare, how he reminds them too much of other sylvari who turned against the Court.

They decided his identity before he even had a chance to forge his own. The Grove painted him as a monster, as a villain.

And for a while, he tried to prove he wasn't. Chrys did everything he could, helped other Dreamers, protected the innocent, anything to help others see him as a person.

But it grew quickly into rampant people-pleasing, believing him near obsessed. And now, they thought his offers for help were false, only there to perform and make him look like something he's not.

As Chrysallus was a mesmer, it certainly didn't help when others made their accusations based on their bias against him.

Aurienal tried their best to help. But before they could stop him, Chrys had fled the Grove, clearly distraught and flowers scattered to the wind when he vanished.

Then, reports trickled in, both Wardens and Courtiers were turning up dead in Caledon. Patrols went from 3-4 to about 8-10 to prevent more from dying. But all that did was leave more bodies.

There were some who came back physically unscathed. Mentally, however, they were traumatized.

Those that returned, they spoke in panicked breathless voices, paranoid about the things they were currently seeing.

A mesmer - voice distorted to sound like they were two different people, completely covered and face hidden behind a full mask and wielding a staff - was luring people deep into the forests where monsters lurked, then hit with illusions so powerful that they couldn't help cowering in fear.

When other Wardens demanded answers from the attacker, all they said was "You wanted to see me as a monster so badly. You should be more careful what you wish for."

Even a Courtier had sought temporary refuge with a Warden patrol, clearly shaken and saying "I didn't sign up for this" before delving into a similar story that the Wardens had reported.

The Courtiers began referring to this attacker as "The Mad Siren." Other veteran warriors believed this "Siren" to be Soundless, since they could not be felt in the Dream, and the Courtiers were clearly fearful of them.

Auri, meanwhile, searched desperately for Chrysallus. He had been missing for this entire debacle, and was afraid that his mentee, the one with the fate of the world on his shoulders, had been snuffed out by this attacker.

So, they ventured into the woods where the Siren was rumored to be hiding out.

"Of all people I expected to see here, you are not one of them," came the whisper on the wind. Auri didn't receive the same treatment as the others. "Why are you here?"

"I want to know, Siren, if you have seen a young student of mine. Blue, has white leaves, a mesmer like you."

It was now that the Siren had appeared for Auri to see. Dressed as a human noble, face hidden behind a mask (half-comedy, half-tragedy), hair hidden by a feathered hat, hands covered by gloves.

"... I fear you have come too late, Aurienal. That Dreamer you seek no longer exists."

Auri was shocked to hear the news. Chrysallus was dead?

"Do not misunderstand," Siren had said. "I did not lay a hand on him. But, he is not the same person you knew. Do not blame yourself, you did not drive him away. But for this reason, he will not be able to return to the Grove."

"He... he's fallen to Nightmare, hasn't he?"

Siren sheathed their weapon, then removed the hat and mask in one movement.

It was Chrysallus, but his bark had darkened and shifted color from pure blue to having patches of faded purple, green, black, and brown along the blue bark. His eyes had altered somehow, to having black sceleras to outline his white irises. But somehow, still recognizable. At least, to Auri.

"Chrys-"

"No. Chrysallus is no more. They killed that Dreamer the moment the condemned him as a spy and refused to hear anything other than their own bias and beliefs," he growled. He stopped at the expression of pain on their face. "He was too weak for them, not good enough for them. They wanted him to be the villain so bad that they drove him out with gossip and rumor to see if he would."

He teleports to the branches above, surveying the land. "They wanted drama to give their own lives some excitement, some adrenaline. A drama needs a tragic hero. A drama needs a villain who will push them so far to near hopelessness, regardless of outcome. Who am I, a mesmer, an actor on this stage of life, to disappoint a crowd like this? They need someone to despise. They got what they wanted. They should have considered the cost of this desire."

Aurienal was livid. They wanted nothing more than to take Chrysallus away from here, make sure he was safe, help him come back to himself. But there was little that could be done. There were few that truly fell to Nightmare that could be saved.

"Promise me that you will be safe, that no innocents will be harmed if I leave you be."

He looks at them solemnly. "I only attack those who strike first. I will not harm one that is unarmed."

The violet mesmer nods, then asks, "Will I ever see you again?"

Siren sighs. "It would be wiser if you didn't. But, I will not stop you. I can promise that you will not be harmed."

"What will you do?"

"I will be joining the Court," Siren had said, shocking Auri once more. "I will make it clear who's side I'm on, no matter where my allegiances lie in the moment. Just because I am with them does not mean they are safe."

Siren replaces the mask and hat. "... Forget about me, Auri. If they ask, say that he was lured by me and killed. Let his name die as one who tried to protect the Grove, no matter the cost. It's all he has left."

When he does join the Court, he has the same energy as an unhinged jester, and one that became a mender for the Court. Though, anyone that tried him usually ended up poisoned or dead. They left him to his devices until he later left and joined the Priory, then eventually joined with Trahearne to defeat Zhaitan.

The rest, currently, is history.

#nightmare's call: chrysallus #long post #damn i got carried away #nmc au: chrysallus #non-canon: chrysallus #gw2 #gw2 sylvari oc #catmander chrysallus #gw2 pact commander #i keep forgetting to put important fandom tags on my stuff I am actually proud of

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mermaidsirennikita · 5 months

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ARC Reviews: You're the Duke That I Want by Lenora Bell

3/5. Releases 12/26/23.

Vibes: Grease, romcoms, rakes, and good girls.

Heat Level: 2.5/5.

When sheltered Sandrine meets Danny Smith, there's an immediate connection. But she assumes they'll never meet again after he's called away for an emergency--until she goes to London and discovers that Danny is actually Dane, the (potential) future Duke of Rydell and notorious rake. Determined to get back at the now-seemingly-careless Dane, she decides to turn over new leaf and become bolder, brasher, and much harder for him to resist.

This is a very clear Grease retelling, and though I didn't know that until right before I read it--Iove Grease, so I'm good with it. The approach is funny, irreverent, and cute. The heroine is charming, the hero is hot (if not especially original as far as rakes go) and the writing is good. Where the book goes wrong is... well, towards the end, where I kind of feel like Lenora fumbled the ball. Which is disappointing, when you expect the book to be at least a 4-star read (or above) for so much of the story.

Quick Takes:

--When I say this is a Grease retelling... it's really a Grease retelling. Not just in terms of of the names, or the innocent girl re-meets guy she thought was a sweet boy when he's actually a bad boy thing. There are Pink Ladies. There's a curricle called Lightning Streak. "Rydell". Sandrine describes herself as "hopelessly devoted" to Dane at one point.

Again, I like Grease. This book did the retelling part right--it's obvious, it's campy, it's self-aware. If you're not familiar with Grease, I think it would still work for you? You might see it as a bit over the top, but it's still fun. If you hate Grease? This may be inaccessible for you. As a Grease lover, it's hard for me to tell.

--Sandrine and Dane have a really cute chemistry. It's frothy, it's sexy, and I generally loved how boldly she came on to him. He was completely bowled over by this little virgin, and the book milked a lot of humor from their interactions as Sandrine starts asking for what she wants. (And she does just like... ask. Which I also enjoyed. I mean, Sandrine begins the book not knowing what orgasms are, and by the end she's basically asking him to service her.)

--There's a whole subplot about general trauma and the way that mothers can hurt their daughters without meaning to. I didn't expect it, and I would overall say that it's actually done pretty well. Bell went with a bit of a twist that I found... a little weird in context at first, but overall interesting and solid.

--Okay, so how did this go from a pretty strong read for me for so much of the book, to a disappointment? For one thing, I was really expecting the series setup here to follow the other Pink Ladies (Sandrine's new girl gangs, based on Grease's somewhat scandalous Pink Ladies clique) and it was... surprisingly tied up at the end. I was so excited to read about a fully-fledged story about Roslyn (based on the jaded leader Rizzo) and her on again/off again rake hookup, Kenwick (based on T-Birds leader Kenickie, Rizzo's FWB who's clearly in love with her). And... it doesn't seem like that's going to be happening. Their subplot sounded so interesting, and it gets a really rushed tie-up.

Which confused me, to be honest. Sandy and Danny's story in Grease is iconic, but very classic good girl/bad boy that was really set apart by campy humor (Sandy telling Danny that she's not going to be "your... your SIN-WAGON" lives rent-free in my brain) and John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John's chemistry. The story itself is not that different. So while Sandrine and Dane are so cute, I was really expecting Lenora to go somewhere different by fleshing out her historical Rizzo (who's aged very interestingly as a character, in my opinion--a bad girl with a secret soft side) and Kenickie. And she... isn't? I guess? I was bugged.

--The entire ending is super rushed, to be honest. It felt like at the last minute Bell realized there were other Grease markers she wanted to hit, and you went from some fairly high-stakes conflict to a quick semi-grovel and the ONE Grease reference that just... did not work. Lenora Bell is a talented writer; I've liked other books from her. There was a line I think she crossed towards the end that basically devalued her writing ability.

--Sandrine put up a fight towards Dane's desires and goals for them towards the end that felt really tacked on, in both a false conflict way and a "ummmm she's a feminist I guess?" way.

The Sex:

Solid! I actually really enjoyed the sex scenes in this book, and they were creative and fun and not just based on penetration. There's a scene where Dane basically teaches Sandrine how to receive cunnilingus (and this is led up to by an adorably inexperienced seduction from her that he naturally is just destroyed by) and at the end he tells her she did well? And at one point she had to pause for a really realistic reason and when she returns she just pops her legs open? It was honestly so cute in a strange way, and I found the book generally super sex positive.

The sex was really one of the best parts of this novel, and I do think that should be comended.

So yeah. I'm a little let down here. I really wanted my Roslyn and Kenwick book, and I just disliked how this was rushed towards the end. If you're a super (hopelessly) devoted Grease fan, try it. Otherwise, you may be disappointed.

Thank you to Netgalley and Avon for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

#romance novel blogging #arc reviews #netgalley #romance novels #book reviews #books

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dzpenumbra · 2 years

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9/7/22

Things are taking shape. I woke up in the afternoon yesterday, pulled up the apartment building website, found an application on it and... immediately nose-dove into anxiety city.

The first thing that caught my eye was Employment stuff... And I'm sitting here like... okay... how do I elegantly and succinctly let the recipient of this form know that I am a freelance artist/content creator and I really can't predict my income (hint - currently there is none), but my parents are helping out with it until it becomes sustainable, so it should be reliable. I suck at doing tests and filling out forms, it's never "fill in the correct answer" it's "fill in the answer we're expecting". Also, what the fuck gives with this layer of separation there? How about we just do a short interview and you ask me some questions? How come you give me a spot like ____________ <- that fucking big to put in info about a complicated situation. I failed a few high school classes because of that same logic, despite getting the answers correct. Figure that shit out, I got the answers to an entire test correct, but the way I did it was "incorrect", so I fail?!

Anywho... XD I freaked out about that, like "oh fuck, how am I gonna reassure these people I can actually make rent at all when I'm expecting like $200/month on paper". Had a mini-oh-shit-moment about whether I can even make the career work at all, of course. Then I got to the sections former landlords are supposed to fill out. I started going through their checklist - Has the tenant ever had utilities shut off for missed payments? (yes, a few times this year, they were autopay accidents but my landlord doesn't know that) What condition did they keep their last residence? (well, there is fungus growing through the walls, the place reeks of mildew and rotting wood, there is a 1 square foot hole in the wall right next to the sliding glass porch door and it's rotting the entire doorframe out to the point where I'm scared to open the door, the foundation is cracked, there's scuffs on the ceiling, there's a suspiciously fist size indent/hole in one of the walls that just radiates shame, the carpet is fucked, there are hookah coal burns in the carpet from times I slipped and dropped them and they melted the cheap synthetic fibers, it smells like cat litter, and I guarantee there are plenty of rodent corpses around as well, quite a free feast for them since the cat is getting older.)

I got really worried about... if my landlord tells them I was a shitty tenant. I'm not a neat-freak. When I lived with my ex, I kept things orderly, organized and clean, but when that ended, I just didn't really give a fuck. I don't really need things to be clean or orderly, and I don't really mind chaos. Surprisingly, I don't even really lose stuff. But... structure would domesticate me a bit more, so I'm a bit less feral and have more framework to live with. So I'm planning to work towards it, hoping I can meet a partner who is also somewhere in between and hopefully start shaping a home and life together. That's the end goal.

This is a long winded way of saying that I'm really messy, and turned into a bit of a hoarder too, because I really detest the idea of how everyone just throws fucking everything away nowadays. Half a dinner? Throw it in the bin. Paper towels? Toss it. I don't even like throwing away 15 year old cables that I held on to "just in case". I'm figuring it out, I gotta get in a habit of like selling my shit on eBay or something, that'd prob help out on a lot of fronts. I'd love it if someone wanted to help me figure that out, I've never done it before, could be a good thing for me. But the past few years, my place has been gross, and once I leave and my landlords find out the extent of it - which I have been deliberately hiding from them out of stupid PTSD shame, which is technically a breach of my lease... - I'm afraid they'll call my new landlord up and go "hey, just wanted to let you know that this tenant really fucked up this place, so maybe don't rent to them."

The combo of those concepts just made me start catastrophizing. Like, I can see it so vividly in the moment, it's like "fuck, I really thought this was going to work, but not only is this application going to fail, but it's going to be humiliating and potentially leave me homeless." I get the catastrophizing from both of my parents, so lucky me! My anxieties made a very compelling case and I was pretty much sold. I called up my mom immediately and tried to communicate my concerns. They were not perceived as panicking or being anxious, there was enough narrative, enough evidence there for me to really think it was just... a lost cause. Like... not even worth trying to apply, thereby avoiding having to "explain myself via my career" and avoid putting my fate into the hands of my landlords who don't talk to me.

After about an hour of going back and forth and feeling like she was trying to just tell me I was wrong, she switched methods. Or something, something changed and she started hearing me out in my concerns. We addressed them individually and it started to take shape a bit. She explained how I could just do a separate sheet of paper to explain my abnormal career situation to them, which I initially was thinking "no one reads anything over 2 paragraphs nowadays", but now think is actually a really good idea. Then we addressed the housing stuff, which she helped me realize are not goooooood but in a rural area like this are not uncommon, and it's not my fault the house was built really shitty, and I'm actually a pretty good tenant for putting up with the place falling apart around me and not making them spend a bunch of money fixing up a property they're most likely going to demolish when I leave. Most importantly, she noticed and pointed out that these things weren't my fault, which I don't think I've heard another person actually say to me. It helped me a lot to hear that.

I very often blame myself for bad situations I end up in, like I should've known better, I should've been smarter, I should've made more money, all that. I guess that's like... self-victim-blaming? I don't really like buzzwords because people associate incredibly overpowering subtext to them, but I guess that's the right kind of concept. I not only martyr myself for people, but I find a way to blame myself for shit that's happening to me. Probably part of the family scapegoat thing. I guess maybe it's a trauma thing? It sounds familiar from workshops I've been to and whatnot, in all the time I spent studying trauma, relationships and PTSD stuff. I think I need to engage with that soon and explore it more, it's a BIG one for me.

Pee break. Max tried to go for my ankles again when I was heading back to bed, she came really close too. I tried to distract her with a toy, but she just was really dead-set on it. She made some not-too-happy meows when I tried to stop her, too. She's either doing it because she wants to play and didn't get to today, or because she's in pain and trying to get my attention. It sucks to have to figure out which. Since she just sprinted out of the room and stopped to play with a ball toy quickly on the way out, I'm going to assume it's just wanting to play. It is dawn and she is a crepuscular apex carnivore, I do need to be a bit more fair with her, she's just being what she is.

I was thinking about how I really love automatic writing. I am so fucking incredibly grateful I failed out of English class in high school. It formed a fork in my personality which created the weird duality I am today. My English teacher who failed me was the father of... I think 4? sons and 2 daughters. All but one kid skateboards, the only one I knew personally was the one who didn't, of course... They actually became pros, all of them. And started their own company. They're really good. I never got to know any of them, I skated with the youngest like once or twice back in high school. Like he was a freshman when I was a senior kinda deal. Well, their dad was my English teacher and failed me out.

I actually remember I did my first video project for his class... it was a video project for "The Odyssey", and my friend Steve (the one who got me into freestyle skiing) and I wanted to make a skate/skiing video for it. It was bullshit, really. We just wanted an excuse to make a cool skate/ski video, like a Jackass/CKY video, but maybe with less obscene shit. We actually did it. I think it had Rage Against the Machine in it and everything. This was like 2003 too, so we probably burned it onto a DVD to present to the class, and shot on MiniDV cameras. I hope he didn't fail me because of that project, that would be shitty, because that's what I wanted to do for a career. And what several of his sons are still doing full-time for a living. And I never was even introduced to them. So I wonder what would've happened if that teacher had, instead of failing me... introduced me to his sons. That could've been a very, very different life.

In the end, failing that class (and history, and probably algebra, too) sent me to a special education program. That totally doesn't fuck with a teenager's self-esteem. To be in a special education program because a teacher didn't like me, I have ADD and struggle to sit still and read something long-winded and boring, and I prefer to explore practical mathematics rather than memorize and regurgitate ciphers. In this special education program, I got to choose what I wanted to learn about. Which was fucking awesome. There were some Vietnam-era movies and games being released at the time and I got curious, I used to be a big WWII buff as well, so I took a one-on-one history class on Vietnam. And my new English teacher? I told him I took a Creative Writing class and aced it. He hooked me up with Beat Poetry for a full semester. It changed my approach entirely. I became obsessed with the concept of stream-of-consciousness. I got so annoyed with how over-refined things were, how scripted everything was in life. I love the rawness and unpredictability of just letting pure creative energy flow out of you, and not having to worry about the results. Like just dancing without thinking about how you're moving, like a kid would do, but with words.

And eventually this led to poetry, which led to lyrics, which led to hip-hop and freestyling. For almost 20 years, I have been writing lyrics that have bloomed from this ever-evolving method. Sometimes I would just write my thoughts verbatim. Sometimes I would write off a theme word as a prompt. Most of the time I would just stitch together a rhyme/rhythm pattern syllable by syllable. I would shape the lyrics off the rhythmic sound they made, like playing a drum or a guitar, and let my subconscious choice of words shape the meaning. And holy fuck is it crazy how every single word of it makes sense.

Then the stream of consciousness method linked to visual art. In fact, a few years back, I actually did like a video blog that was basically this - smoking a bowl and then just... talking. Just exploring different concepts while smoking a cigarette. I called it "Smoke Break", it was supposed to be a micro-podcast series with guests meant to simulate and capture the real-life conversations that happen when people step outside for a smoke break. But when no one joins you for that, well... it got a bit depressing. But in the end, I like this method more. With the Smoke Break, I would kinda rabbithole on existentialism, meaning of existence shit, spiritual shit. I don't not like that stuff, it's just not at the forefront right at the moment. I feel like this method of talking about my current experience, rather than theoretical theology or whatever, I just feel more confident in it. I feel like I'm writing more from my experience than my speculations.

So... basically... if I hadn't been failed out of English, I may possibly maybe have been on a pro skate team by now, but I would have never been introduced to Jack Kerouac. I never would have pursued writing, or my solo music. I never would have gotten into graffiti, which ignited my passion for art. I would not be the person I am today, and this that's happening right here, this writing would not be happening. It's crazy how the tiniest of things at just the right time can lead to a completely different fate.

Getting to bed a bit earlier tonight. Didn't get to call the apartment yesterday, but I have a very actionable plan with my mom now and I'm feeling pretty comfortable with it. I can actually see my next life pretty clearly now, and it doesn't look half bad. I'm gonna make time to brainstorm streaming ideas tomorrow, get my head in the mindset. But for now, I slumber.

#diary #journal #stream of thoughts #spilled thoughts #mental health #self care #online journal #self improvement #stream of conscious writing #panic anxiety #attention deficit disorder (add)#stream of consciousness #beat poetry

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