#i cuss a whole fucking lot when im tired

[ackermanbitch]

Teenage Dirtbag (Peter Parker x Fem!Reader) Part 3

a/n: honestly this series prob wont even get a lot of attention but im very much enjoying writing it. also if you havent noticed reader isnt.....the brightest. like ofc shes smart in some senses, just not all of em. also we're pretending that civil war didnt escalate as fast as it did so my comedic filler makes sense :D

Part One

Part Two

pairing: peter parker x fem!stark!reader

warnings: cussing

word count: 2.6k

It was Sunday, she met up with Peter on Saturday and her dad was tired of asking himself, so instead he was sending in every Avenger to question his daughter.

First was Wanda. He knew her and (Y/N) were pretty close so she was a good first choice.

"Hey (Y/N), what's uppp? You were out the other day, right?" Wanda started, sitting on the edge of the teen's bed, watching her write something down at her desk.

"Yup." (Y/N) responded, not turning around to look at the redhead.

"Ohh, cool cool. What'd you do?" She tried to keep the tone light, but it was obvious she wasn't just chatting. Right now, (Y/N) couldn't really tell but Wanda's words sounded so forced.

"Homework." She swiveled her chair around to face Wanda, smiling slightly.

"You... Went out to do... Homework?"

"Yup, just homework. Math."

"..."

"Got quite a bit done actually, it was nice."

"Quite a bit, huh?" So, if she got a lot of work done, it meant there wasn't anything else she could've been doing. That was a relief.

"Yeahhh.. I actually have some more to do so if you don't mind..." (Y/N) mumbled, turning back to her desk where she most definitely wasn't doing any important work. Just doodling on the edge of her history assignment.

Well, that was a failure, next up: Steve, who's only doing this because he's also worried about the young Stark hanging out with boys, not because Tony asked him to.

(Y/N) always spilled her secrets to Steve, he was just easy to talk to like that. She still gripped her pencil a little tighter when she heard her door open behind her, contemplating putting on headphones and blasting them as loud as she could.

"Hey kid, what's up? What's going on in your world, do anything fun recently?" He asked as normally as he could, walking over to her desk.

"Nothing fun, no."

He nodded, leaning against the white wood, crossing his arms over his chest. "Well, did you do anything boring then?"

"It required all my brainpower, so no, I wouldn't say boring either just... Tiring." (Y/N) caught onto the whole scheme right before Wanda left her room, so of course she was going to mess with them by making her responses as vague as possible.

"Tiring?"

"Yup."

"Well, why was it tiring?"

"Like I just said, brainpower. And I don't have a ton of that so yeah, exhausting actually."

Steve raised an eyebrow, "Wanda said you were doing homework."

"Why is Wanda telling you what we talk about? That's kinda weird Cap." (Y/N) retorted, still not looking up from her paper.

"Ah it just uh, slipped into conversation. Tony said you were with someone?" He pried further, being utterly terrible at trying to stay subtle.

(Y/N) nodded, "Yeah, a friend."

"Where'd you meet hi- ahem, this friend?"

"School."

"Makes sense, makes sense..." Steve mumbled, looking down. "What's their name, have you been friends for a while?" He asked nonchalantly, looking back up at her.

"Nope, just started hanging out. Once. Yesterday."

'That's something at least.' He thought to himself, starting to tap his foot. Her avoidance of the first question didn't go unnoticed by him though.

"You plan to hang out more?" Geez, he was determined, was Tony paying him or something?

"Yeah actually I-" FUCK! Steve's easy-to-talk to-ness was getting to her.

He grinned, pushing off the desk and walking towards her door, "Make sure you finish that homework kid." (Y/N) grumbled something in response, rolling her eyes.

'I'm fucked, dad's gonna try and put me on lock down now.' She thought, thinking all the interrogating was over after her slip up. But oh no, Tony wanted a full name and who better to get information than an actual spy?

Natasha didn't waste any time, spinning (Y/N)'s chair around to face her as soon as she walked in. "What's his name?"

"Honestly, I can't remember, it was a whole day ago Na-"

"What's his name, (Y/N)? Tony will just continue bothering you with all his antics until you tell him or one of us, so tell me." Natasha cut her off, gripping the arms of the chair so (Y/N) had no escape.

(Y/N) sighed loudly, "Why does he care so much? I'm sure he has more important things to worry about, you know, 'cause he's Iron Man and all? Like that meeting no one will tell me about, but I definitely deserve to know about."

"Because you're his child, (Y/N). Your safety is more important than the world's safety in his opinion. He might not tell you enough, if at all, but he will always put you above his work, even if that work is saving the damn world." Natasha let go of the chair, squatting to (Y/N)'s level, "And no, you don't need to know about the meeting, so don't bother asking anyone else about it, kid."

(Y/N) stayed silent, grinding her teeth as she thought. Terrible habit that she most definitely got from her dad. "Peter isn't a threat, Nat. He's just a sweet guy trying to help me pass." She took a deep breath before continuing, "I'll tell you his last name for fucks sake, if you make sure my dad doesn't try to lock me up in response. I'm seeing him next weekend for more tutoring, and he really helps, I swear."

Natasha nodded, "I know he's not a threat because I know you-" She lightly jabbed her finger into (Y/N)'s chest, "are smart. Smart enough to know who has bad intentions and who doesn't. Of course you wouldn't willingly go to a guy's apartment by yourself if you didn't think he was harmless."

"How did you know I went to his apar-"

"Name, (Y/N)."

"Parker. His name is Peter Parker."

-----

"Parker? I knew it!" Tony exclaimed, sighing in relief.

"Wa- wait! You knew who it was and still made us interrogate her?!" Wanda questioned, throwing her arms up in the air. Steve scoffed, rolling his eyes and Natasha just leaned back with a sigh.

"I'm just glad I didn't have to go in there, she scares me." Sam mumbled, taking a sip of his drink.

"I had to make sure, there's plenty of Peter's at Midtown and I didn't think the kid would ever have the balls to dare hang out with (Y/N) Stark of all people." Tony explained, "He's just a nerd, I'm sure she's paying him quite a bit to have him do her homework."

Wanda raised an eyebrow, "He didn't do it for her, Tony. He helped her, she told me."

"With math? I don't know, I couldn't even tutor her." He shook his head, crossing his arms.

"Maybe she needed someone her age to help her, a friend." Wanda retorted before standing up and leaving the room with more sass than necessary.

Tony just huffed, "He definitely did it for her."

-----

The Sokovia Accords. Tony wanted to sign them, Steve didn't. What were the Accords even for and why wouldn't Steve sign them?

(Y/N) hid around the corner that morning, eavesdropping on the Avengers. She didn't stay long enough to get all the information so she wouldn't be late for school, but she still tried to piece things together as she rode in the backseat of the black car Happy was driving.

Accords, accords, accords... Must be some treaty. Obviously has to do with Sokovia, which means Ultron, which means the Avengers. Are they going to sign a peace treaty with Sokovia? Why would Steve be against that, he's all for peace, freedom, all that... And why would they need to sign something like that, they saved Sokovia?

(Y/N) groaned, dropping her head against her headrest, closing her eyes.

"Something wrong?" Happy asked suddenly, making (Y/N) open her eyes.

"I just have a test today." She lied, seeing the dreaded school come into view. Happy parked down the street, as always. It wasn't Happy himself she was embarrassed of or anything, it was the fact she had a chauffeur and was still going to Midtown High out of any school. People already talked about her being a spoiled brat in the halls, pulling up in a fancy black car every day didn't help.

She hopped out of the car, swinging her backpack over her shoulder and thanking Happy for driving her, as if he didn't drive her almost everywhere.

After getting a notebook and pencil bag out of his locker for first period, Peter slammed the door shut. "Hey Parker, I wa-"

"Jesus Christ!" He stumbled to the side, not having noticed (Y/N) standing behind his locker door with her arms crossed. "Do you know what the Sokovia Accords are?" She asked nonchalantly. Who else would she ask? He's a nerd, he must know all about stuff like this.

"I- the what? No, I don't think I've heard of that." He shook his head slightly, looking around for Ned to save him before Flash saw him and (Y/N) talking. Flash asked her out at every turn, always being denied quite violently and if he saw who he thought was the lamest loser on earth talking to her, he'd probably do more than call him names.

"Okay well, what do you think it is?" She continued, leaning forward slightly. She still had her backpack on, apparently going straight to Peter's locker. How did she even know where his locker was-

The brunette stuttered, "I mean- I- Could we maybe talk after class? L- lunch maybe?" He asked, still looking around to make sure Flash wasn't in the vicinity.

"Okay, lunch, I'm holding you to that Parker, this is important." She nodded, turning away to run to her first class. "Also," She began again, looking back at Peter, "don't tell anyone what I asked you, or else." She added, finally leaving the confused boy to his own.

-----

It felt like a million years before lunch rolled around, (Y/N) currently stood surveying the cafeteria for her resident nerd. She usually sat in her homeroom while she ate to avoid Flash and his goons, so the lunchroom was pretty foreign to her.

She still made it to the table easily, dropping onto the bench next to Peter, making him jump and squeeze the apple in his hand so hard it broke.

"Jeez, do you work out?" She mumbled, "Never seen someone break a fucking apple in half."

Peter laughed awkwardly, quickly wiping his hands off with a napkin while Ned also stared at him wide eyed.

"Anyway, this is Ned, right?" (Y/N) asked, setting her chin in her hand. Ned nodded, "You know my name?" He asked, eyes still wide. "Uhm yeah, why wouldn't I? We're in like three classes together Ned." She laughed.

He laughed a bit too, "We've never talked much, but Peter told me all about your study da-"

"Ned!" Peter interrupted, kicking his friend's shin under the table. Ned gasped, looking at the brunette in mock offense. "Dude, what, you wouldn't stop ta-" Another kick, and another.

Peter cleared his throat, turning to (Y/N), "So uh, Sokovia Accords?"

(Y/N) raised an eyebrow at Ned before looking back at Peter, "Yeah, ever head of em'? No reason, just- curious."

He hummed, "No, I haven't. Sounds like a pea-"

"Hey (Y/N), I have some questions myself actually." Ned interrupted, kicking Peter's shin. Peter gaped at him, about to kick him back before (Y/N) responded, "Sure, what's up?"

"What's Captain America like? How tall is he? Have you held his shield? How much does it weigh? Y'know, heavy, light, weightless? What's Hulk like? How tall is he? Why is he green?" Ned rambled, ignoring Peter's glares.

"She's not your Wikipedia, dude-"

"Hmm, Cap is nice, he's like six foot something. No, I haven't held it, I'm not allowed to touch stuff like that," She rolled her eyes before continuing, "But he carries it like it weighs nothing, but he is really strong so maybe it's really heavy but why would you use something heavy as a weapon if you have to use it often so it's probably not very heavy. Hulk is well, Hulk, he's at least 8 feet tall and I have no idea." (Y/N) rambled, talking with her hands at certain points.

Ned nodded slowly before giving Peter the cheekiest smile he could.

"So, Accords. You think it's a peace treaty too? That's what I thought but it doesn't make sense. There's nothing between America and Sokovia.." She mumbled the last part, looking at Peter expectantly.

"Where'd you hear about this? Sounds pretty serious." Peter asked, wondering why the hell this girl who just started talking to him is spilling government secrets.

"I live with the Avengers Parker, I hear eve- Can he be trusted? Can you be trusted?" (Y/N) suddenly asked, remembering that this is extremely confidential and that she's not even supposed to know about it.

Peter nodded quickly, "Yea- Yeah, Ned won't tell anyone, and neither will I, not like we have anyone to talk to."

"That's what I said!" (Y/N) exclaimed, dropping her fist on the table suddenly. Peter raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything, waiting for her to continue. "You know, we should hang out more often. You guys are chill- actually, wanna come over? We could talk more about this and like study or something." She grinned, looking between the two boys expectantly.

"I- wait- you're inviting us to your- place? Like Stark Tower?!" Ned gasped, Peter kicking him again and (Y/N) waving her hands quickly, "Don't- yell that!" She whisper yelled, looking around to make sure no one heard. "Why wouldn't you want people to know you live with the Avengers?" Ned whispered back, "It's the coolest thing ever!"

"Not everyone thinks it's cool, why do you think no one talks to me Ned?" She asked, still checking for any eavesdroppers. "So, you up for it? It's fine if y-"

"Yes."

"Yes!"

They answered in sync, Peter bouncing his knee nervously.

"You're hanging out with those losers, Stark?"

"MJ! I didn't notice you there, what's up?" (Y/N) smiled at the quiet girl who was at the other end of the table with a book in her hand. They knew each other from detention, (Y/N) ending up there with too many late passes and MJ was there because... The young Stark had no idea, but she was always there.

"Nothing, just watching this rare encounter of the nerds and 'Richie Rich'."

(Y/N) just smiled politely before looking back at the boys. "Just walk around the corner after school, I'll pick you up. Now I gotta go before Flash hunts you guys down, see ya!" She grinned, standing from the table and leaving the cafeteria with not another word.

"Dude, she's awesome! Pinch me, man, pinch me!" Ned exclaimed, trying to get Peter's attention, who was still staring out the door to the lunchroom.

"I know, right?" He mumbled, his chin resting in his hand.

a/n: yall can tell reader has like never had real friends right? just casually walking up to peter and talking to him like theyve know each other for years💀social cues are nowhere to be found

#peter parker x reader #peter parker #avengers x reader #stark!daughter #stark!reader #tony stark x daughter reader #marvel x reader

[johnthel]

The Flood Thing AU

Im writing this at 2am. SPOILERS, OBV. OKAY SO roles: Im very indecisive so i would love feedback on casting.

Mccready is Chief, but Cortana is also there but may not take the role of an existing character, since she's probably still just an AI.

Childs is Arbiter. Gary is Johnson? Or possibly Captain Keyes? I like the idea of him as Johnson better, BUT... with the end of the movie, and the big disgusting one at the end with him and nauls, i think it could work as keyes. I cant decide

I want to include Rtas for sure, and also Miranda Keyes. but after that I don't really know who else to include since I've stuck to the first 3 games and dont know any more side characters. So feel free to suggest and help me out please!

I'm thinking Rtas as Nauls just cus i like him so much, but Im really not sure it fits. I need the rest of the cast: Blair, Bennings, Norris, Palmer, Copper, Fuchs, Clark, and Windows.

My thoughts during this watch:

Chief trying to play chess with Cortana at the beginning lol

(X and Arbiter) "Chief wants the flame thrower!" "He wants the what?" "Thats what he said!" Very quietly under his breath: "Dammit"

X=unspecified character (doesnt have a role yet)

Mccready wears green i notice... very interesting...

So i mean, aliens obviously exist and have contact with earth in this au already and thats common knowledge. So i think their disbelief comes from the flood thing's powers, and maybe Where in space it originated from, and how it is obviously very sinister.

I havent thought of human and the covenant/cov rebels history yet or why this group is stationed somewhere so cold and im honestly too tired to. So whatever

Do they still dig it up out of the ice, and the humans are in disbelief that aliens made contact with them That long ago? Or did the flood thing land recently? Does some of the distrust of the humans come from thinking the aliens on their team could have something to do with this?

I think a good bit of mccready's dialogue would go to cortana instead of chief

Wait does that say Sexdozer 301

Fuuuck... ive always thought Childs is so fine...

(Chief) "Trust is a hard thing to come by these days."

I love this cus it focuses on Chief and Arbiter's tension for real... they dont trust each other and its so tense. Its great

(X and Arbiter) "What if we're wrong about him?" "Well then we're wrong."

(Chief) "Anyone messes with me and the whole place goes... Go on, burn me... Put the torch on the floor and back off. Way off."

(Arbiter and Chief) "You shall not bind me." "Then I'll have to kill you." "Then kill me."

...... i mean it, i guess you do (i'd exclude these lines tbh, i like it ending with THEN KILL ME... its just more hardcore for them to say nothing and then chief turns around and shoots a dude trying to stab him)

I think arbiter totally would cuss but he does it very under his breath and never wants anyone to hear. Lol. He learned his swear words from the humans but hes hesitant to say them in front of them

(Johnson as Gary) "I know you gentlemen have been through a lot, but when you find the time, I'd rather not spend the rest of this winter TIED TO THIS FUCKING COUCH."

When they go under the tool shed where Blair was, its covered in that disgusting flood stuff, instead of the spaceship. Yick

Also i just think its interesting Blair, as human, was the one most determined to destroy transport and keep everyone there, but then as the thing he's the one building a ship to escape.

Not sure who Nauls would be.. cus whos left at this point would be Thel, Johnson, Chief, and Cortana technically, and nauls. Maybe.. nauls could be cortana? But i was thinking she would still be an AI, cus that just feels better cus its less of a change. So nauls could be someone else. My heart says Rtas just cus i love him so much. But i dont think so. Imagining Rtas on little roller skates jamming out is sending me though

God.. imagining when the flood thing takes over both human and sangheili and cant finish morphing, would be so cool

(Johnson as Gary and Chief, but it also sounds like a convo with Cortana tbh) "Generator's gone." "Any way we can fix it?" "It's gone, Chief."

THE ENDING IS SOOOOO GOOOOD. Childs missing for the whole final act until this point. And meets up with mccready. And the tension. Their impending fate. The mistrust... ive read that childs is definitely infected by the end, but its truly never confirmed WHICH I FUCKING LOVE. Because we, as the audience, are in mccreadys place by that point. We just dont know. We cant trust him.

The drink is really interesting. Two theories ive read, childs is so willing to share the whiskey which is suspicious (but i wonder if it could be interpreted as him accepting his fate?). The other is from a filmmakers art perspective, and that those who are infected throughout the movie have a certain gleam in their eyes, however ive never personally noticed this yet. Next watch i'll look for it.

(Arbiter and Chief) "The fire has the temperature up all over. It won't last long though." "Neither will we." .... "How will we make it?" "... Maybe we shouldn't."

#My post #Halo #Au #The thing 1982

[confused-bi-nerd]

Ok so it's like 2 in the morning but you know what I'm f*cking desperate for?

Modern day Anne with an E

I mean obviously the original historical context is just f*cking awesome.

But picture Anne being an incredible badass feminist bi icon. (Does she have a youtube channel? Who knows???? That'd be cool...)

Her new family, two pretty "traditionally" raised siblings at first have a hard time with her and her identity and intensity about everything. (When dont they though right)

She doesn't even have to be a "mistake." Nowadays with cellphones and stuff a confusion like that would be impossible. But maybe she just ran away because the orphanage was abusive af and kept sending her to sh*tty homes.

And honestly if Matthew doesn't have asperger/autism/down but it went ignored cause "we just don't talk about it" but Anne came and was like "that's f*cked up were getting you diagnosed and treated Matthew dammit" then what even is the point.

Diana being raised in a really harsh and severe family so she's afraid her mom will find out about her best friend being, well, her. (No, they are not dating, they're BFFs as originally just that Diana's mom sucks even more in the actual timeline.)

Honestly I just LOVE Anne and Diana's friendship. Like they've literally known each other for one day and they already have this deep bond, they truly are kindred spirits. I think Diana wouldn't even have a hard time accepting Anne; she would just be relieved she could finally explore herself. (Ace-Di-ana-Ace-Di-ana)

Cole (yes, Cole, book and series mixture S u C k I t) being openly gay and spending a lot of his time just laying low at Anne's because his parents also s u c k. (Uhhh maybe then he just realises he doesn't HAVE TO go back to his sh*tty parents and moves with aunt Jo, the Eccentric City Lesbian tm) (And also honestly let's say f*ck it and go all out: Cole with eyeliner)

Man they'd probably sneak around a lot talking about all this "forbidden stuff". Cole would join them whenever they were at Anne's (most of the time anyways) because Diana's mom knows his mom and there's no way in hell he'd risk crossing her way.

Mr IDKwhat (that teacher dating a student) being an ACTUAL pedophile and it being f*cking reported and shut down. (Yes I realize this was era appropriate but SURPRISE, stuff changed)

OMG GUYS MISS STACY

I could make a whole post about miss Stacy alone but lets just go with badass lesbian teacher who actively fights the school and the parents, takes bs from no one and basically adopts all of her students in need.

Also let's be honest, the Barrys would probably be this really wealthy family with a bigass house in the suburbs and they'd all own IPhones or some sh*t and the Cuthberts would be this regular middle class family with an inherited little house in a not-so-awesome-but-still-pretty-nice neighbourhood; so Diana's mom already isn't a big fan of Anne because a) "she's a freaking street orphan for God's sake" and b) "her ClAsS isn't exactly the SaMe as ours Diana dEaR". So imagine if she found out her _perfect older daughter's_ two best friend are queer icons one of them being "a BoY wHo WeArS mAkEuP" *scandalized old British lady accent*

And I can totally picture Anne with this really weird pet, like a mouse or a small bird or one of those extrangely small cats that you can carry in your pocket and her talking to it and it really looks like a conversation to outsiders. (Because it is, they're discussing the latest episode of a show or planning a prank on Cole's stupid homophobic mom)

Let's be honest, Anne would be the BIGGEST fan of Rent. I'm talking memorizing both songs AND dialogue and having a thousand fan theories she'd be able to defend against rain and wind. (This one was originally drafted during my Rent phase, geez it is a great musical though)

OMG GUYS JERRY AND DIANA. I'm talking Jerry being an old friend of Anne's (Orphanage? Foster home? The streets? We'll see...) and him falling HARD for Diana. (Not the same plot as the series though, I know it wouldn't have been possible back then but they'd totally stay together in MY self indulgent AU of everything. Still would exist the class issues and the Anne-Diana fight about it, bonus point if Jerry ends up Latino cause I want more representation man)

Maybe this part being on them more advanced on their life (Maybe the whole thing could be more advanced? Like directly starting with them at 16 or stg??? Cause like they are all sounding way too independent for twelve year olds) so Cole already moved to an apartment in the city near aunt Jo but all in all being independent and pushing through despite his terrible TERRIBLE parenting. And like both Anne AND Diana going to him with their class issues fight (Is Cole Latino/African American? I'd like that.... Let's say so it's my 2:40 am fantasy after all) and him being all surprised because a) He was most definitely NOT expecting them b) This two never fight about anything and c) Diana and Jerry? Geez how long was he away?

And I would legitimate M u R d E r someone for their yelling match across Cole's apartment being interrupted by like a male voice asking "Cole where is X thing?" And Anne and Diana like "I thought you'd been living alone this two years (two years, let's say so my brain is shutting down) since leaving aunt Jo's" and Cole being like "you've also missed a lot" And essentially that's how they meet Cole's boyfriend who doesn't understand a thing but rolls with it because he finally gets to meet famous Avonlea friends (the neighbourhood should be called Avonlea or among those line at least)

Anne and Gilbert WILL end up together cause I honestly think they're meant to be they just compliment each other but like maybe while fighting her totally obvious inner crush she'd date a few people, some girls, some boys, just casually bi-ing by but like settling but still being bi cause that's just real bi people

Thanks for coming to my TED talk

#here have your feminism discussion and your #gay rights and your everything #this is fucking long im sorry #i also realised i ussd fucking a lot #apologies for that too #i cuss a whole fucking lot when im tired #lol #Honestly its almost three am now #but i had to write this down cause its been in my head for weeks and i was gonna explode #anne with an e is just so fucking awesome #both book and series #me sad #but like the book #it has that 18 century charm that absolutely nothing can match #and theres like seven eight of them so you literally see them have their happily sometimes not so happy aver after #seriously anne is like 50 in the last book #gosh i have a lot of feelings about anne with an e okey? #and i just identify with anne in like being the weirdo and the outsider and like people not talking to you because of it #and my few friends are awesome and fierce and my soulmates in every sense but romantic and i love them #and i have really strong family feels #(found family IS family fight me) #and....these tags are almost as long as the longass post itself #im sorry #but i hope you enojoyed the ride #god imma regret this in the mornig #okay byyyeeee #this is WAY more chaptic than i rememberd it being #but in my deffense #it IS a 2 am )improvement( of like 3 whole pages of 2 am notes #this is the kind of shit i post at 2 a

[anthro-dynia]

꧁•⊹٭M ON A C H O P S I S٭⊹•꧂

Xiao x fem!reader

S E R I E S

(this is a p2)

Warnings: cussing, mentions of sex, manipulation, please tell me anything else im bad at this

⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰

“____!! Are you ok? Why are you sleeping against a tree on Wuwang hill?” A girl's voice boomed as you got out of your somnolent state. Your eyes peeled open as you soon realized who the voice belonged upon. It was the one and only Hu Tao. Your best friend. She was such a kind soul, you could tell. No one else could. Everyone thought she was just annoying and incompetent but, she was a very kind person who generally cares a lot.

"Hi Tao Tao, I'm doing fine." You smiled slightly at the cute nickname you had given her when you were younger." You sure? Aiya, you look a little less bright on this moonlit night." She said quietly with a sad smile and a knowing look. "Xiao said some pretty shitty stuff to me tonight. So I think I'm going to leave for Inazuma in a few days." You said with a sad and tired tone. "I know a few people who could get me there."

Kazuha and Beido along with the crux crew.

They were very kind people, one was a little rougher than the other but she was still nice to you. Kazuha was a poetic fellow. He escaped from the confines of Inazuma, yet you wanted to go there to leave Liyue. It seemed very gloomy and dark at first sight, but looking into the more important and beautiful parts of the culture it was almost ethereal. It had an almost charmolypi look to it.

When you first saw the pictures of Inazuma, the culture made you feel as if you needed to go there as soon as possible. But Xiao refused to leave Liyue. He had some way to make you feel guilty for leaving him even if it's for a few days. Looking back you realized how manipulative he was towards you and how you had been controlled the whole you two were together.

Memories of the past made your fucking blood boil as hot as the burning pits of hell. Which was exactly where you were going to send anyone who crosses you now. Over the next few days, anyone who approached you instantly started feeling a sense of dread and guilt. Even Chongyun could barely stand anywhere near you with such bad energy emitting from your body and soul.

When you went back to fetch your things from the Wanshu inn you saw Xiao and the traveler making out on your old bed. You could hear her moans from outside the room. It made you feel so disgusted, not jealous or resentful. It just made you want to slit both their throats right then and there for getting ready to fuck each other on your bed in your room. You barged into your old room which made the traveler gasp and hides her almost nude body, and xiao just stared at you with surprised and angry eyes. You grabbed your clothes ignoring their piercing stares into your back.

"What the hell are you doing here ____." Xiao said with an angry and frustrated tone. "I'm getting my shit while you two fuck in my goddamn bed." The cold woman said with such a tone it could send shivers down the coldest of people's backs. Xiao could tell in the last week or two you had changed. A lot. The ____ who used to run her fingers through his hair while he relaxed after a long day's work. That persona was gone and has been for over a year.

⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰

@jamjitheplant @kimura-uzuri @nickiminajithequeenofrap

here lovely people i hope you enjoy this rushed piece of shit :D

#xiao x reader angst #xiao x reader #angst #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #genshin angst #help this is so rushed

[oshicakes]

made their s/o upset with them

pairings. miya atsumu x reader, iwaizumi hajime x reader

warnings. toxic traits, cusses

an. for my 100th post, i decided to make a part two of my first hc i wrote! yeey! hahaha anyway, have a greaaaaat daaay! 💖

other: tsukishima and sakusa, kyotani and bokuto

Miya Atsumu

"i came to you as soon as my practice were done and that's what i will witness?"

"why? what's wrong with that? we were just talking."

"that's not what i saw. you were laughing at him and the way he look at you, that's how i looked at you when were not yet together. why don't you just fucking admit that you like flirting with your senior." his voice is dripping with venom.

while you were completely and utterly speechless. "watch your words, tsumu. you know that im not like that."

"well how will i fucking know, we don't see each other often now. i don't even know if you're dating somebody else behind my back and flirting around then using school as your excuse or... i don't know!" he walked out and slammed the door of the bedroom.

"if that's what you think about me, maybe its best if we just end this relationship." you whispered as you whip your tears away. you don't know if he heard it or what. you decided to cool off somewhere, maybe staying at your friend's house for the night.

you were beyond upset, to be real. you couldn't believe he'd accuse you of flirting and cheating on him. you were already loaded with school works, you can't even have a proper sleep.

atsumu didn't realize that he fell asleep. when he opened his eyes, its almost dark outside and the whole apartment was quiet.

that's where he realize what just happened that afternoon. his face contorted when he remembered the words he throw at you. his exhaustion isn't a valid reason to treated you that way.

he stormed out of the bedroom but you were not there. that's were he panicked and remembered your last words to him. he called you a couple of times but you are out of reach.

he haven't stepped outside the apartment when he saw you sitting beside the door, curled up and resting your head on your knees. he also hears your whimpers.

just a sight of you, his heart breaks. he bent down and place his hand on top of your head.

"what are you doing here outside?" his voice was too soft that it hurts. you lifted your head and met his moist eyes.

"i was planning to cool off somewhere but i can't." you said as you cried even harder.

"im sorry. i know that its not enough but im really sorry. i promise that this won't happen again." he hugged you so tight. he also felt his tears fall.

"let's go inside, okay? let's rest then we'll talk tomorrow. please don't do this, it's dangerous." you just nodded and you let him carry you inside the apartment.

Iwaizumi Hajime

"hajime, let's go to the spa tomorrow?" you said to your quiet boyfriend sitting next to you.

"busy." he plainly said.

"ey, come on hajime. you've been tiring and stressing yourself with school works."

"i have a lot of things to do, y/n. if you want you can go by yourself." he firmly said.

"please? just for tomorrow. you need to relax and cool off."

"well, im not like you! you don't anything else to do than just laying all day in bed." you were about to reach for him but abruptly stand up and looked down at you.

"what?"

"i said, i have a lot of things to do. unlike you, who's just lazying around. you're so annoying. damn it."

he didn't let you say a word. he just walked out and slammed the bedroom door.

okay, maybe it's your own fault but you just want him to relax, release his stress and forget about school for a day. he's been studying for weeks and you can clearly see dark bags under his eyes and he look extra tired.

you just sighed and wiped the tears in your eyes. it's been three days since the two of you didn't talk to each other much, just minding each other's business.

iwaizumi plops himself on the sofa. he finally get the break he needed from school. he scanned the apartment and he can't see you.

"y/n?" he said out loud. he heard a faint voice coming from the bedroom.

and there he saw you working on something on your study table. "welcome home, hajime." you said without even looking at him.

"hey, you okay? what are you doing?" he said as he nears you.

"just some school works. you done with yours?"

"yeah. we can now go to the spa that you've been wanting to go if you want."

"nah. we need to have reservation and they don't accept walk ins."

"huh? didn't you wanted to go there the other day?"

"i made us a reservation but you're busy so i gave it to matsukawa."

he was kinda surprise with what he learned just now. now, he feels guilty for being mad at you and ignoring you for days.

"hey." he turned your seat to make you face him. he squatted so he can face you directly. "im sorry for acting rudely at you the other day."

"it's okay. i understand you."

"please let me make up to you. ill make us an appointment to that spa." he was about to fish out his phone but you stopped him.

"you really don't have to. i only want to go to spa for you. you've been stressing out about school and you look tired, i think you deserve to get pampered even for a day."

that made his guilty meter higher. he scratched his nape. "then let's have a reservation for you. the best s/o deserves a pampering too. aight?"

he smiled at you reassuringly which made you give in to him. his smile grew wider when you finally agreed.

"again, im sorry for lashing out my stress on you. let me make up to you."

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #miya atsumu x reader #atsumu x reader #atsumu headcanons #iwaizumi hajime x reader #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi headcanons

[xpeachesncream]

perfectly wrong | one

summary: there were rules that had to be followed: no one could know about you two, there was no ‘getting to know each other,’ and there was absolutely no emotional attachment allowed. if this could be done, there should be no complications. but somehow, the rules always get bended.

pairing: reader x fuckboy!kth

genre: college au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 2301

chapter warnings: cussing, mature language, very slight angst, some hints of jealousy, alcohol consumption

notes: pls remember that this is set a few months after you and tae have been going at it, so it will seem like things are happening a bit fast. i’m not trying to prolong this series. also most importantly, i tend to usually write shorter chapters > shorter, but more chapters published. enjoy!

> series masterlist <

Jungkook decided he was going to see if he could jump over your couch and land perfectly in a seated position.

"Wait, wait, wait. Absolute silence everybody." He says as he's stretched over, trying to estimate the timing and height of his jump. He had always been super athletic and competitive since you two were small, so there was really no changing his mind on this. He always had to prove something, even if that meant creating his own competition of jumping over the couch.

"It's just me and you." You watched him from the kitchen, making sure the pizza in the oven was baking properly.

"I have an audience, okay? Don't be rude, Y/N." He says as he points over to the fake audience clapping and laughing during a 'Friends' episode.

"Whatever, as long as you don't go breaking my shit, Jeon Jungkook." He was 22, but his mentality was 8. That was for damn sure.

"Siiiiiiilence." He says at a whisper, his eyes shut as he puts a finger to his mouth. He lets out a huff and a puff before he gets the courage to throw himself over the couch and land a perfect landing. "And once again, he sticks the landing!" He stands up with his hands up in the air.

"You're annoying." You laughed, getting paper plates ready for the pizza that was about to be done because you were in no mood to do any dishes tonight.

"Thank you! I'll be here again tomorrow, same time." He calls out to his fake audience.

"No the hell you're not."

"Ouch, nevermind. Someone apparently doesn't want me here." You laugh at how dramatic he is. At this point, you just let him be because that was something you always loved about your bestfriend. He embraced the kid in him and always brought good times. You had similarities, but you also had some major differences. You liked being in your comfort zone & you were labeled the innocent nerd amongst your friends. You just like to consider yourself simple, though. A 'take it day by day' kind of person. Kookie was fun, adventurous and childish at times. He was also shy, but loud at the same time? An introverted extrovert, you could say.

But you loved each other nonetheless, that's why you've clicked so well since you were young. You taught each other things & grew together.

"Here, fool." You placed the pizza in front of him with the paper plates.

"Set it up, I'll grab us the drinks. You want anything in particular?"

"That bottle of Stella Rosa, please." JK knew you loved that Stella Rosa, so he happily grabs the bottle and two wine glasses. He plops back next to you on the couch, pouring your glasses and grabbing a heaping serving of 4 slices of pizza.

You both decided you want a good laugh, so you throw on Kevin Hart's newest installment: Zero Fucks Given. It isn't long before you both are rolling on the floor, almost gasping for air at how much you're laughing at Kevin Hart's stand up. The pizza is gone, the wine is gone, and you're still feeling pretty tipsy. The whole thing sounds nice, until your head starts to wonder what Taehyung is doing and if he'll text you to come over tonight. You know he probably already has plans with another chick though, and that hits you.

Curse this fucking alcohol.

Let's get this straight - the only time you 'talk' is when he's trying to fuck.

And yes bitch, you let him do this to you. You're out that door before you can even fully slip your shoes on. Dick is just that good. It's something about Taehyung that makes you addicted. The way he gives you a stupid ass smirk when he opens his door, the way he touches your skin and gently lays his shit on you until you both become really invested in the moment. So invested that shit hits the roof. It gets messy. It gets rough. It becomes unspeakable.

You aren't friends. No one knows about you two, or that you even know the other exists. You don't know shit about each other. The only thing you know is that he's fucking other girls. He has a whole roster, you'd imagine - a starting five, at least.

He doesn't care about you, and for the most part, you don't either. At least, that's what you like to portray because it's been some months now since this whole thing started and you can't help but feel some kind of emotional tie to him. You're leaving your house between 12-2am in the morning and sleeping in his bed until 6-7am. It's a routine; a routine you've become used to. You skip out on some late night kick-its with your friends cause you anticipate a text to come through from him.

But, he doesn't care. You aren't the only female slipping into those sheets, and boy does it fucking make it hard to swallow. Reality hits hard when you think about it and you feel this huge pit in your stomach. You try to be different, you try to stand out one way or another. But it doesn't work that way. You knew what this entailed going into it, so it makes zero sense as to why you're hurting and getting jealous from time to time.

You know it still doesn't matter to him.

He's only fucking you over cause you let him. You know damn well you're not gonna change and let this go, though. You love thrill of it too much. It's the most thrill your life has had. You're not perfect and you're only human. You make mistakes, but this one definitely puts the cherry on top. Because not only do you refuse to learn, but you let it repeat itself over and over again.

"Aishhhh, my stomach hurts from laughing too much." Jungkook laid his head back and patted his belly. "But that was good though. I needed that."

"Yeah it was. Thanks for coming by to watch that with me, Kook." He tilts his head over to look at you and smiles.

"Sure thing." He checks his phone and sits up. "Yoongi is blowing up the group chat." You check your phone to see multiple unread messages from none other than Min Yoongi himself.

[yoongi] 10:37pm: aye

[yoongi] 10:45pm: all of a sudden, everyone is ghost in this group chat?! you all had a lot to say not too long ago.

[yoongi] 10:52pm: even though you guys are fake as fuck, does anyone wanna come with me to the bars tonight? meet at my place so we can head out.

You and Jungkook laughed at how butthurt Yoongi was in the groupchat. Yoongi definitely was the most serious and blunt one in your group, but he still liked to party and have a good time. It was just how he was. Hoseok was always full of energy and probably the most extroverted one out of all 4 of you. He was never shy. You and Jungkook met Yoongi and Hoseok your first year in college and became inseparable ever since. You all just click with your different attributes.

[jungkook] 10:53pm: lmaoooooooo

[yoongi] 10:53pm: fuck you dude lol

[jungkook] 10:54pm: i'll come through in a sec, i'm at y/n's right now. not sure if she's gonna come though?

[y/n] 10:55pm: i'll pass, i'm tired and wined out.

[hoseok] 10:55pm: ahahahah yoongi shut up, blowing up my phone for no reason. i'm passing on tonight too. im tired from working that overtime *cries*

[yoongi] 10:56pm: you both are boring. i'm especially offended at how i didn't get an invite to your little powwow, y/n. and now you don't wanna hang out?

[hoseok] 10:57pm: she mentioned she was going to watch kevin hart's thing yesterday and offered us to swing by if we wanted to though....... selective hearing, maybe?

[y/n] 10:58pm: ^ okayyyyy and that's on period! thank you hobi <3

[hoseok] 10:59pm: anything for the baby

[yoongi] 10:59pm: lmao you're a brat, y/n. whatever, i'm still hurt by you both! kook, hurry on over so we can drink

"Fuck I regret this, I'm gonna die." Jungkook laughed as he stood up and stretched. He quickly helped you clean up before he figured it was time to go or else Yoongi would have a fit.

"I feel like it has to do with that one girl he's been talking to on and off."

"Perhaps." Jungkook shrugged before putting on his shoes. "We shall see." he sighs before giving you a tight hug. "You sure you don't wanna come out?"

"Nope."

"You don't even have plans tonight."

"Yes I do."

"Doing what?"

"Laying in bed." Jungkook snorted as you shook your head and shrugged. What else did he think you were trying to do? He should know you by now, at the very least.

"Alright, I'm not even going to argue. I'm off."

"Be safe, have fun, text me if you both need anything, okay?" He nods as he shuts the door, leaving you to your lonesome. You swirled the teeny tiny drop of wine leftover in your glass around before picking up your phone.

No new texts. Well, let's be specific: no new texts from taehyung.

You did forget to respond to your oldest cousin though, when he was just trying to check up on you.

[seokjin] 8:35pm: pssst y/n

[seokjin] 8:35pm: psssssssssst

[seokjin] 8:35pm: oyyyyyyyyyy

He was damn near 30 years old and hated talking on the phone so much that he decides to blow up your phone this way. But, he was the cousin you loved dearly and you had a very tight, sibling-like relationship with him. He was like the older brother you've always wanted. He watched you grow, protected you, kept you safe, supported you and cheered you on - especially when your family talked so much shit about how you and him weren't gonna get anywhere with your goals. You know, the fucking stupid ol' saying of 'chasing your passion isn't going to bring you money & wealth.' Your family was all about the titles and money, but Jin was passionate about cooking and wanted to open his own cafe. You, on the other hand, wanted to pursue your art. Jin was the biggest role model for you because he was the first to defy your family's wants and wishes. He was the black sheep of the family with a huge 'I don't give a fuck' mentality and he taught you that along the way.

Don't ever be afraid to do what you're passionate about. Fuck 'em.

[y/n] 11:13pm: hi sorry, jungkook was over and we were watching kevin hart's new thing on netflix over some wine and pizza.

[seokjin] 11:15pm: that sounds fun! sorry, i just wanted to check on you but i see you're doing okay lol

[y/n] 11:16pm: i am. :) i'll hang out with you tomorrow

[seokjin] 11:16pm: how sweet, my freeloading baby cousin is coming by

[y/n] 11:17pm: hahahah shut up! although you're not wrong, i am going to steal some food. but most importantly, i do want to hang out and see my bestest oppa <3

[seokjin] 11:18pm: awww y/n, you're so full of shit <3

[seokjin] 11:18pm: go to bed

[y/n] 11:19pm: haha love you tooooo

And so, that's what you did. You got yourself all ready for bed, believing you wouldn't be leaving your house tonight. You pampered yourself, put on a face mask and got yourself all lathered up in lotion just to lay down. You're in Jungkook's shirt that he left behind (and never looked for, so technically it's yours now) when the guys had stayed the night and some Vicky Secret panties.

You're scrolling through your Instagram feed, seeing Jungkook's newly posted story with him and Yoongi already at the bars, acting a damn fool. You laughed at the video he took of Yoongi trying to dance in a tight, awkward space on the crowded dance floor even though he was never the best at dancing. It lowkey made you wish you went out with them so you wouldn't be stuck here thinking about your feelings and how lonely these hours get.

And then you see Jimin's story from an hour ago. He knew you were friends with Yoongi, and although Yoongi wasn't fond of their group too much, he was still an avid party-goer and mingled with people there. You've only spoken to Jimin once because you had to work with him in the same group on a class assignment. You tried to keep it that way though because he was Taehyung's bestfriend. They went everywhere together, did everything together. He, too, was very popular among the ladies and across campus. I guess it was just their thing.

You assume they were at a party cause Jimin quickly flashes the camera at Taehyung, who's in front of him getting a lapdance from some chick. Jimin quickly turns the camera back to his face as he's laughing uncontrollably then abruptly cuts it off.

Great.

She's forsure going home with him tonight.

You set your phone down on the night stand and put on a show on your laptop to help you fall asleep.

Just as you're about to get some shut eye, your phone vibrates. You let it slip at first because you thought it could be one of the guys playing around, but it vibrates again, signaling another text coming through. You pick up your phone just to make sure Yoongi and Jungkook aren't in any trouble and need you to bail their asses out.

[taehyung] 12:17am: hey

[taehyung] 12:20am: come over.

You scoff at how he assumes you're still up and that you'd be coming over. You hated that. He knew he just had your ass.

track two: hit different - sza & ty dolla $ign

#bts #bts fanfiction #taehyung fanfiction #taehyung #kim taehyung #taehyung x reader #writing #perfectly wrong

[burnedbyshoto]

matryoshka doll

— Momo is a modern day princess, so it makes sense as to why every single person she’s asked if they wanted to have sex reject her because they felt unworthy. But she’s a girl with carnal needs and if that means having anonymous sex is the only way to have them met, so be it.

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pairing: yaoyorozu momo x fem!reader

warnings: 18+, smut, stuck in a wall, anal fisting (giving), fingering, marking, degradation, daddy kink!reader, princess!momo, praise, pwp, cursing, service top!reader, phat ass!momo

word count: 3,333

a/n: i stayed up until 4 am reading bkdk angst fanfic and im so, so tired...... momo has a phat ass that is full of stretch marks and cellulite and I drool at the thought of it. no I dont take any feedback on that.

kinktober day 9 main kink: anonymous sex | kinktober masterlist

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Momo has a secret.

A deep, dark, twisted secret.

It wasn’t so much that it was horrible, humiliating, or even a nuisance for all of humanity, but it definitely was a secret she was keen on keeping until she was six feet under.

Why was that?

Oh, well, you see, it involved one of the most taboo topics in the world: sex.

Yaoyorozu Momo lived a sheltered, elite life. At the tender age of four, she had managed to create an object by replicating a Matryoshka doll's exact molecular structure. She didn’t need to assume that most individuals couldn't compose the doll's molecular structure regardless of their intellect or education. Yet, with a determined gaze, her person and mind no much older than four years old, she succeeded in producing a single, lone, beautiful Matryoshka doll.

But, because of her natural-born intelligence and near-prodigious level thinking, the wealth that her parents held led her to a life where something such as a peck on the cheek was considered scandalous. 

Kissing on the lips was considered a "marriage only" rule, and sex wasn’t even a word she knew.

Middle school for Yaoyorozu Momo consisted of her and her private tutors within her home. Her education was created just for her, and she had evening outings with her similar circles to ensure she had an appropriate social life. All in all, Momo didn’t know what sex was until she was sixteen, sitting in the common area of the dorm room with all her female friends who casually brought up the idea of what they could potentially be into, of who they would. Momo would quote: fuck, marry, or kill of three randomly generated boys within the class.

Of course, Momo’s eyes fluttered at the word fuck, having already known it as a curse word, and only as such as Bakugou always seemed to be yelling it. She had wrongfully spluttered when Mina had wiggled her eyebrows at Uraraka on why, oh why she had only chosen to ‘fuck Midoriya’ and not marry him. To Momo, who also at the time, was aware of her current blossoming feelings towards the smart but somewhat flutter tongued classmate of theirs, had been rather confused at the results Uraraka gave too.

“Kill… uh, Iida-kun,” Urakaka fidgeted, blushing harder under the intense stares of Mina and Hagakure (who had a mean glare despite not being able to see her). “Fuck Deku-kun, marry Todoroki-kun!”

Momo had assumed she would wish to marry her at the time crush, not choose the option to curse him out!

“Uraraka-san, you wish to cuss out Midoriya-san?” Momo had asked, saving the naturally rosy girl from their pink-skinned and invisible friend. “Why is that?”

“Hold on?” Jirou interrupted immediately, Momo’s undoubtedly closest friend rose from her slouched position next to her, her hand placed on her shoulder. “What was that?!”

“Well, isn’t the, ahem, please excuse my vulgar words, ‘fuck,’ option meaning to curse someone out? As Bakugou-san does to many people when he uses that word?” Momo had asked so innocently, so purely that the girls all almost felt horrible for popping the innocent bubble the modern-day princess was in -- keyword: almost.

For the first time in her life, Yaoyorozu Momo was not the most knowledgable in a subject; her cheeks stained red with embarrassing heat when Tsuyu took charge of explaining the alternate definition to what ‘fuck’ meant. 

“You mean babies don’t come in storks?!” she had cried uncontrollably that night. She was utterly overwhelmed by this new level of information that would send her in a spiral of the need to acquire further details for the sake of education and, well, yes, the science of fucking.

From the moment she was sixteen until she was twenty, Momo’s knowledge of sex went from being the lowest in the class, to as it naturally should have been, the most knowledgable person on it. She knew of things, the different branches of sex, where to experience certain types of kinks, and theoretically, where the human body's best parts to touch when having sex. So, the moment she had turned of consenting legal age to have sex, Momo would be lying if she said she wasn’t ready to have sex. 

But there was something in her way, something that not even years of studying could help her with, or could change the circumstances of which she found herself in. It seemed that though her friends enjoyed her sudden new-found genius towards the art and science behind sex, no one thought of her as a… sexual being.

“I c-can’t have sex with you!” Jirou had flushed red, her eyes scattering to every edge of the room, refusing to look at the wealthy heiress who had asked her best friend over during their last week of high school to do the deed. “You’re the modern-day royalty: Yaoyorozu Momo! I’m not… qualified enough!”

Momo frowned, “Oh?”

.

..

.

“Sex?” Todoroki had echoed, his eyes alarming wide despite his composed, neutral expression. Momo nodded her head, ignoring the small wisp of fire that emitted from his hair. “Oh, well, I don’t think I can do that for you, Yaoyorozu. It’s nothing against you, but I don’t think I’d like to have meaningless sex with you for the first time.”

Momo winced, “Oh, okay.”

“That sounded a lot meaner then intended, I apologize.”

.

..

…

..

.

And that’s how it seemed to go.

Aoyama hadn’t been interested in having sex at all with Momo. Mina said she was severely unworthy. Tsuyu simply rejected her because their relationship wasn’t one that had possibilities of sexual encounters. Iida said it would be irresponsible of him to take something of value of hers. Uraraka cried about how inferior scum like her had no right.

Ojiro apologized, having been in a relationship at the moment and wouldn’t. Kaminari said him sexually touching Momo would give the world every right to skin him where he lay. Kirishima had blushed brighter than his hair and stammered; he couldn’t without a proper relationship between the two of them. Kouda had run off crying. Sato had mumbled about how he enjoyed setting tea and pastries together but couldn’t imagine putting his tea in and on her pastry, or some weird allusion like that.

Shoji had bowed his head in apologies, saying she would regret sleeping with him. Sero had run away, crashing into a glass door explaining he wasn’t good enough. Tokoyami stated they weren’t a fated pair and rejected her kindly -- she thinks. Hagakure was in a relationship and politely declined her. Bakugou scoffed and told her to look elsewhere. Midoriya had stammered and suggested that he wasn’t the best option. Mineta just was never an option for her.

She had asked eighteen people who had all told her they would help her with anything, and the only thing that kept being thrown back into her face regarding something that she didn’t see to be anything that special was that she was royalty in their eyes. It was fine at first; honestly, it was! Momo had nodded her head, merely retreating to her home and creating an arrangement of sex toys most suited for her. And for a while, it had been enough.

But like the Matryoshka dolls, she was so fond of making, so good at making, she had several layers underneath that shouldn’t be ignored. And her sexual pleasures and gains had been a neglected part of her for too long. 

From having the longest, thickest dildo she could make for herself, up her cunt, to the vibrator and fuck machines she should create (because she was not allowed anywhere near a sex shop), she had been blissful. Each orgasm ripping through her pleasantly, causing her sweaty chest to arch off her bed, her legs slamming closed as it burst from inside of her, causing her to bit harshly on her fist just in case. But just as even playing with your favorite game day after day, feeling alone, lonely, and unwanted, Momo found that even her toys weren’t enough.

She needed more.

No one would fuck her because of her status, because of her last name and the wealth that she brought, so she decided that if she was to do this, to gain the human touch she ever so desired and lusted over, she was going to have to erase her identity.

She had found a little place in the back alleys of Tokyo. They were hiring anyone who dared to visit and the only requirement to join was that you were willing to be fucked. Momo had shown up for the interview, face obscured by a hoodie she wore and was hired the moment she walked in with her spandex shorts hugging her tiny waist and fat ass. She had always seen places like this within her porn research but had never actually assumed fuck ho(l)es existed. 

She certainly didn’t expect to be put in a wall where only her ass and cunt hanging out and the cold, wet tip of a sharpie marker to write against her clear virgin skin: FREE HOLE TO FUCK. VIRGIN LITTLE WHORE. She could feel that written on her skin, but she was unaware of the words that surrounded her placement on the wall: “put a tally and a review for every pump of cum you shove in me!”

There was no need for a picture by her whole because the people who frequented this place had no desires of that, and so, Momo found peace even as the starting alarm blared in her ear that customers were finally being let it.

To sum up the experience her first night at this joint, the first time experiencing a hot, living, throbbing cock in both her cunt and ass, Momo would have to blush. Her eyes shifting from yours onto the floor as she smiled. A chuckle on her face as she thought back to the end of that four hour fuck feast and remembered that there were nearly eighty-three tally marks on her bruised and blistered ass, of how her cum and all that cum continued to seep from her clenching holes for two days afterward… she loved it.

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You needed to blow off some steam.

Having just been entirely, horribly dumped by your ex and having precisely zero side pieces on the side to fuck, you went out of your way to secure a quick, easy fuck to get your mind off of things. There was no reason for you to simply not join Tinder and ask the first swipe to come over and fuck, but you didn’t want to see a face. You didn’t even want to know their face. As a matter of fact, you weren’t even so much as interested in your own orgasm at the moment than just making someone else cum. So when a pretty woman handed your glowering face a flyer as you were storming around the streets of Tokyo hoping for a sign from god, you almost cried at what the flyer informed you of.

A local... hole in the wall filled with glory holes and exposed asses, cunts, and cocks alike. 

Was it destiny?

You sure believed so as you found yourself tailing to the obscure address, praying for the establishment to be open and, for the most part, empty because you had no plans on performing shit in front of watching eyes. Handing a thousand yen over to the admissions lady as your fee to the use of their prized cunts, cocks, and asses, you shoved the black ticket into your pocket and brisked in.

As you entered the back room, the tension in you back and pressure on your chest seemed to melt away immediately at the scent of sex, dried cum, and sweat. It was an altogether horrid stench, to be quite honest, but right now, it sent fire to your core, your lips licking at the walls and corners willed with awaiting to be attended to people. Twisted pleasure coursed through your veins as you walked around, your eyes taking note of the graffitied words around the individual holes, taking note of the black sharpie words on bruised and battered skin, and some cunts still dripping with someone else’s cum.

‘Loose cunt’ one person had.

‘Hasn’t been broken in yet,’ said another.

‘Loves it when you ‘accidentally’ fuck their ass,’ scrawled on another.

 You couldn’t help but smile at the twisted humor, moving until finally, you saw one that exposed ass first to the world, eight tallies marked on her skin, and oh, the words painted on her smooth, perfect skin and the surrounding walls pulled you in.

‘Tightest fucking pussy.’ ‘100/10 recommended, been back multiple times for more.’ ‘Slip your fist up her ass, she LOVES it.’ ‘Favorite fucking whore here.’ ‘Would fuck again.’ ‘Slut likes it rough and mean.’ ‘Please fuck me!!!!’

You watched as the shiny slick of her cum slowly seep from her spread cheeks, not quite dripping, but definitely wet with her arousal. Something was calling you to her, your feet stumbling nearly tipsy with this outworld lust and drunkenness as you stopped behind her slapped pink ass. And without much need of thought to wonder where to stop, your hands found themselves grabbing her thick, supple ass and you moaned at the warmth emitting from her skin, of how her skin was so soft, so moveable, so bouncy. It was larger than your hands, your fingernails running against the cellulite, and stretch marks on her ass that made you want to kiss and run your tongue against even more. You couldn’t hear her, you couldn’t possibly know if she had liked the way your fingers dug into her ass, but her ass bounced, teetering with your grip as you could imagine a soft, juicy moan. 

“I wonder if you can hear me?” you asked, most likely to no one, fingers spreading her ass, spanking the used whorish skin of hers so that small, tight, clenching pink asshole was on full display for you. “If you sit there for all these hours and listen to men fuck you with their ugly moaning and pathetic growling.”

Her ass rolled in your hands, and you smiled, taking that as a sign that yes, she heard everything, even you. Raising your hand to the bottle of lube, you saturated your fingers with the cold, transparent liquid, turning your fingers down over her still exposed, flush hole. You watched as the lube dripped down, splattering messily around her tight, rimmed muscle, watching her clench and unclench the muscle in alarming beauty.

“I must apologize, princess,” you sighed, looking at the names scrawled on the walls that this cunt and ass seemed to be most responsive to, and number one on that list was princess. “Your daddy isn’t feeling particularly rough today, so I hope you’ll behave with my softer movements.”

You're not quite sure where the reference to yourself as daddy had come from, but the way the ass muscles clenched between the lone hand that held her cheek made it worth it. 

Your lube coated finger edged the pert opening of her ass, feeling the way the already used muscle expanded for your finger if a little stubbornly.

“Relax, princess, daddy sees you like being fisted, so I’m going to make sure you feel good. 

You pressed your finger in until the knuckle disappeared beneath the muscle, your grin growing into a hazy, lustful gaze when you felt her ass bounce. This moan vibrated all the way to her anal cavity as you wasted no time in adding a second finger. Her ass was tight, the ribbed walls of the cavity bumping and gliding against your moving fingers, and you grinned when she loudly moaned. You didn’t need to be an expert to see that she had never been fucked softly or thoroughly before. She must have been used to the terrible, animalistic rage that the men here possessed when fucking these people behind the walls. If you didn’t know any better, you would assume that she lost her virginity here. 

Your fingers curled, stroking and persuading her body to ripple and twitch with your commanding movements, and another finger added in, and another finger added in. Soon enough, you had four fingers in, all save your thumb. The stretch of her ass around your nearly formed ass was incredible; she took you so well, not a sound of agonizing pain was heard through the wall, although you swore you heard sounds of elation. The damn slut did enjoy it.

Your thumb pressed to her cunt, rubbing the slick folds of her pussy, softly fucking the outermost part of her inner walls, much against her approval if the way he ass bounced heavily in need had anything to say about it. 

“Ah, does the princess, not like this?” you asked, your hand that was currently not four fingers into her ass stretching out her cheeks even further as finally you retracted your hand out, made a fist, and sunk back in. Now there was a scream. But the way that it shot curling ravenous fires into your core, you knew it wasn’t one of horror or pain. No. It was one of absolute, slutty pleasure. You moaned at the sound, your arm beginning to thrust into her ass slowly, intentionally, and with burning passion and desire to hear her wail again. She sounded so pretty, sounded so slutty.

Your now free hand moved to her cunt, your mind trying to stimulate her more, trying to ignore the way her ass was hot and deliciously tight around your forearm as your pinched and rolled at her clit. Your thumb stayed on her clit, but your fingers stretched to enter her clenching cunt that seemed to be in synch with her ass. YOu moaned in content at the feeling of her inner walls suctioning against your intruding finger, and you laughed upon feeling your moving arm within her ass against her cunt. And that beautiful, pitchy whine resonated deeply again, and your mind melted.

Your fingers and fist doubled in speed, the growing sharp moans through the walls fueling you to move faster, to be rougher, to make her see stars. No wonder why no one fucked her with love here, you thought as leaned down, teeth tearing against her ass cheek that read: mark me, please. Who could stay composed when this fucking slut was this goddamn loud.

“Such a good fucking princess, so slutty, so nice for your daddy,” you grunted,  against her skin, your hips snapping at air as the heat and wetness in your pants made you uncomfortable -- the need for more biting through your clothes. “You like my fist up your ass? You like everyone’s fist up your ass, don’t do? Doesn’t fucking surprise me with those stupid loud moans you make.”

Your words were hissed, your fingernails scraping against her pulsating, throbbing inner walls, and then it happened.

Her ass and her cunt clenched against your fingers and fist. And your jaw dropped as a rippling effect ran across your arm that was buried in her ass.

Was that a?

Holy fucking shit?!

“Princess, did your ass just orgasm?!”

A confirming, pathetic moan sent your mind to the moon.

Suddenly feeling as if this was too much for you, and with no way to relive yourself in this type of fuck room, you removed your hand quickly from her ass, your dominant hand grabbing the hanging sharpie on the wall and added two more tally marks on the number of times she’s cum.

You race out of there, the fire in between your legs too much to handle. Well, at least not before adding one more, important piece of information on her ass and on the wall: ‘if you fuck my ass like daddy did, maybe my ass will orgasm for you too.”

#momo x reader #momo smut #yaoyorozu x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #mha #bbs kinktober 2020

[lucif5er]

Katsuki finds out what Dekus fav candy is so he purchases a big pack and leaves some at his desk every day without a name of who's it from. Of course, Deku is ecstatic. And he maybe kinda has an idea who they’re from until he sees Kirishima eating the same brand.

Everyone is hanging out in the common room in the dorms watching movies and eating popcorn and candy when Uraraka asks Izuku what his favorite candy is.

“Oh, I love strawberry mentos b-but that specific flavor is hard to find sometimes,” Izuku says with a blush on his face.

Katsuki is standing off by the kitchen when he hears this. He smirks. Of course the damn nerd would like that sugary trash. He had forgotten Dekus favorite candy like many other things because of his stupid fucking ego. He had lost a lot of opportunities with his Deku but fuck if he wasn’t going to make up for it now.

So Katsuki decides to order a jumbo pack of strawberry mentos. The nerd wasn’t kidding, these little shits have to be ordered from America but if this could win Deku over so be it.

The next day he leaves some at Deku's desk. No name on the note though. NOT because he’s embarrassed, fuck no, but just because he wants to see the nerds reaction.

When Izuku arrives to class he sees the candy on his desk with a note that says “I know these are your favorite.” Izuku is sure his whole neck and ears are red. He wonders if Uraraka got them for her but why wouldn’t she give them to him himself if they saw each other this morning.

When the rest of the class walks in Izuku still hasn’t opened the candy. He just sits at his desk holding the note.

“What you got there Midorya?” Kaminari pops up behind him and peers over his shoulder.

“O-oh hi Kaminari. Um, j-just some candy I found on my desk this morning.”

“Ohhh? Midoryas got a secret admirer? What does the note say?” Kaminari says in a singsong voice.

“N-no of course not a s-secret admirer. W-who would be interested in s-someone like m-me. Plus the note d-doesn’t even have a name.” By now other students have gathered around his desk. The girls oohing and awing.

Izuku turns to Uraraka who looks just as intrigued as the rest of them. Maybe it wasn't her who got them. Izuku is flustered now feeling a little too nervous under this attention.

“Leave the poor nerd alone already. You’re making him fucking uncomfortable.” Katsuki pushes through and flops down on his desk growling.

Everyone scurries away grumbling as Aizawa walks in.

“Thanks, Kacchan,” Izuku says with a blush on his cheeks. Kacchan reaches over and ruffles his curls then his hand goes down and cups his face. But a second later he's already pulling away.

“Tch whatever Deku,” Katsuki says but there's no bite behind it. Izuku just beams at Kacchans back.

—

This goes on for a month. Everyday Izuku finds strawberry mentos with a sweet note on them or a short poem but no name.

Of course, Izuku saves all the notes and he’s so happy every time he finds them. They remind him of when he was little and he and Kacchan used to write each other notes at school or when they had sleepovers. It was a tradition for them until Kacchan decided they were too old for that, that it was time they outgrew it. Then Kacchan outgrew Izuku. It always felt like he was thrown away.

This hurt Izuku a lot but he knows his Kacchan is sorry. They’re friends now and he can tell he regrets it. He knows Kacchan is trying to make up for it with the soft touches, soft words. They’re friends now, maybe on the edge of something more and maybe they just need a little push.

Izuku is almost certain it's Kacchan leaving him the candy because sometimes Kacchan gets so close to him Izuku can swear he smells the strawberry flavor in his breath. It makes his heart beat faster every time. So helplessly sugar high on him.

But one-morning Izuku sees Kirishima eating strawberry mentos. /His/ favorite candy so of course his first reaction is confusion and slight anger. Was Kacchan giving strawberry mentos to Kirishima as well? Was he writing him sweet notes and poems too?

Then came the sadness and the all to familiar pain in his heart. Will Kacchan throw him away again? Izuku isn't sure he can take it a second time.

Izuku feels the familiar sting in his eyes but he tries to hold them back. A minute later he sees Kacchan rounding the corner.

“Hey shitty hair. Chill on the fucking candy already.” He shoves Kirishima.

“But you gave it to me bakubro!” Kirishima states with a grin.

Izuku gasps and both Kacchan and Kirishima look at him. He can’t stop the tears from falling so he runs away instead hoping they didn’t see.

“Deku?” He hears Kacchan yell after him but Izuku doesn’t stop until he gets to his room.

Once Izuku gets to his dorm he's sliding down his closed-door muffling his sobs. He doesn’t know why he’s crying, he shouldn’t be crying at all. Of course, this whole thing was a joke. He did this to himself. He’s the one who chose to give his heart to someone who very obviously doesn’t want it, never did.

A minute later he hears knocking at his door and tries to muffle his cries even more.

“Deku? Open the door.” Kacchan says with worry evident in his voice.

“U-um I-Im kind of t-tired Kacchan. C-can we t-talk tomorrow.” Izuku says as he wipes his tears. He can’t let him see him like this; he's already embarrassed as it is.

Izuku hears a thump on his door. “Izuku, please.” a sob catches in Izukus throat and he feels more tears fall.

When Izuku finally catches his breath he gets up and unlocks his door. The look on Kacchans face makes him want to cry all over again.

“D-did you n-need something Kacchan?” Izuku says through sniffles.

“De-Izuku please don’t cry. I think you misunderstood. I’m sor-“

Izuku feels like his heart is being ripped out of his chest.

“N-no it's o-okay Kacchan. I-I promise. I-I’m just being d-dumb” Izuku looks down and wrings his hands. He didn’t realize he was trembling

“No. Fuck. Listen to me De-“ Kacchan tries to reach for his hands but he takes a step back.

“N-no. J-just leave me be for a l-little okay Kacchan? T-tomorrow we’ll g-go back to normal. Y-your happy with Kirishima right? T-that makes me h-happy. J-just um I d-dont want a-anymore candy okay? Or-or notes. I-Im so s-sorry for getting the w-wrong idea. P-please don’t be upset, I-I promise I’ll be o-okay just please please don’t throw me a-away again.”

Izuku tries to give Katsuki a wobbly smile but tear filled eyes give him away. Katsuki cusses under his breath but before Izuku can turn around he has him wrapped tightly in his arms. His cheek resting on wild green curls.

“Throw you awa- no fuck FUCK Izuku I wouldn’t. Why would I fucking throw you away? You’re mine. Always been mine.” Katsuki squeezes Izuku tighter, cradling and kissing his head.

“B-but the candy a-and Kiri-“

“Thats what I wanted to say. I bought the candy for you. Shitty hair just kept asking me for some but I promise its just you.” Katsuki puts his hands on Izukus face, wiping away the tears. “I wanted to do something good for you, okay? You fucking deserve the world Izuku and I’ll do anything to get it for you. I’ll do /anything/ to deserve you.”

A gasp leaves Izuku and he wraps his arms around Katsukis neck and kisses him. It’s rough and all teeth but so sweet. Everything they want to say is in that kiss. Izuku didn’t know he could feel love so soft, so sweet but in this very moment he leaves his heart bare for his Kacchan because he knows he’ll take care of it, take care of him.

Izuku pulls back and beams at Katsuki.

“Kacchan you taste like strawberry mentos.”

Katsuki softly pecks Izukus face, kissing his freckles, nose, anywhere he can reach “Mm course I do nerd, they’re your favorite,” Katsuki says as he nuzzles Izukus nose.

Izuku giggles and kisses Katsuki softly, hearts in his eyes and says “Kacchans my favorite.”

Katsuki takes a chomp of Izukus cheek before kissing his forhead. “Shitty nerd.”

#bakudeku #bkdk fluff #bkdk fic #bkdk angst #bakugou katsuki #mha izuku #dkbk #dekubaku

[fucker-anon]

Puppeteer Headcanons

K so this mans has been living in my head rent free since I first laid eyes on them (like 2013) so here are my headcanons about their backstories, personalities, and more. Some are inspired by the original stories and lore, some are inspired by other bloggers, some are me self-projecting. Warning there are mentions of dark themes so keep caution. Also i am not a writer, (im sorry) @creepy-bi-day enjoy!!

Puppeteer~

Backstory: 

Puppeteer was born as Jonathon Blake on July 23, 1974

Mother was Hispanic, dad was American. He grew up speaking Spanish and English. He also never really got along with both sides of the family cause he’s mixed (they didn’t like that). They kinda preferred his siblings.

had 4 younger siblings (3 girls, 1 boy). He was 4 years older than the second child.

ever since he could walk he was obsessed with musical theater. For a while his family was able to Johnny to theater camp. Stopped after the 3rd child was born due to financial reasons

parents were working full time to take care of their family. meant Johnny was basically acting like a 3rd parent. good news was he was able to take care of all 4 of them and meet their basic need of being fed, staying clean etc. bad news it meant that he was taking care of them 24/7 and was constantly tired and not taking care of himself. Started to develop symptoms of depression, but couldn’t get help due to the stigmas around mental health + he’s a guy.

got worse in highschool when his work load increased and he wanted to do more in drama and music but couldn’t cause he had to take care of his siblings. He also didn’t make many close friends except for one girl in his drama class Erma. 

Erma was his best friend and they started dating in their second year of highschool. She helped him as much as she could with his mental health, their studies, and even helped babysit some days. They brought out the best in each other. 

Erma loved dance and wanted to become a ballerina, but her parents tried to keep her focus on studies. They did allow her to take theater which she also loved. Her parents were very strict and controlling so she had to hid her relationship.

It wasn’t until the second child turned 13 (johnny was 17), when she started to help out more with the other three siblings (12f, 9f, 7m). Thanks to her help and now they were in a better financial position, johnny was able to join plays and bands which had afterschool practices.

He was really good. He discovered he was born with perfect pitch and was able to get the lead in a play in his final year. This was also when he was able to score a scholarship so some of his uni fees would be paid for.

he decided to major in theater and wanted to go on Broadway or at least become a drama teacher

however when apply for uni, Erma’s parents discovered their relationship and they offered Erma a choice, break up with johnny or else they wouldn’t pay for Erma’s schooling. They hated johnny mostly due to racism and the fact that he wasnt going into a “stable career”. Erma choose to break up with Johnny but didn’t want to tell him these reasons cause she knew that it would upset him. So instead she told him that she’s fallen out of love and wanted to break up.

Johnny agreed mostly to make her happy, but this started his spiral downwards.

Johnny didn’t have any friends other than Erma, he also went to uni in a different city so he didn’t have his family there. His depression got really bad, and he ended up isolating himself and failing first term. He decided to kill himself via hanging. Problem is he wasn't heavy enough to kill himself right away, so he was suffering for hours. 

He spent his last few hours allowing himself to finally “be selfish” and allowed himself to be angry at his family, Erma, and his overall life.

due to this anger, he was able to come back as a ghost, wanting others to feel the same pain as him.

when he came back he was able to change his body into his idea of a perfect vessel, some improvement were making himself taller, better hair, clear face, smooth voice, bigger dick.  and now feeds off of negative energy

Personality:

cold-hearted, cunning, manipulative, a smooth talking, somewhat charming. this is the very carefully crafted version of Puppeteer, He’s the guy who could talk you into doing anything, mostly stuff like jumping off a bridge

however once you get close to him, you see more of Johnathon than puppet. He is very protective of his close friends, will fuss over them and scold them if they aren’t taking care of themselves

good luck getting there tho. After Erma he really had a hard time opening up to ppl due to his fear that they will all leave him at one point. 

Powers:

he feeds off of negative energies, the more trauma the better (finally imma a snack), so he usually influences his victims into a deep depressed state where they off themselves. However once he started hanging out with the creeps (mansion au), he really didn’t need to do that since everyone is a lil fucked up. He just feeds off a little bit of everyone, so that no one is really affected. At this point, he probably has enough energy to outlive the fucking queen

He’s a ghost so he can levitate at most like 10 m above the ground, and if he focuses, he can go through walls and become invisible. 

he has golden strings due to the ectoplasm inside of him (make his eyes and mouth glow to). This strings are like limbs, They are tough to break but if you do its gonna hurt him a lot. They can extend up to 60 ft, and are about 1 cm thick. 

Fun Facts (cause idk how to categorize these)

lots of trauma, need therapy. he feels a lot of shame for what happened and only opens up to his very close friends. again born in 70′s, theres the toxic masculinity and some internalized homophobia. 

still a theater kid!! love musicals and can still sing and play guitar. His vocal cords are a lil more sensitive cause the whole hanging thing, but as long as he warms up, can has the range baby. also has Macbeth memorized

can still cook. while he doesn’t like his past and doesn’t need to eat. He wrote down all of the recipes he knew and will sometimes make them again

dick is 6.5 inchs soft 7.5 hard, i know y’all wanted to know. if also like 6′2 tall. tall big boi

i hc him as pansexual. yea he rather died again than admit that he loves someone, but he won’t care about gender. he still is cis tho.

he does fuck. not often but occasionally. slightly lower sex drive than average 

grunge king. he grew up in poverty and he great at diy. very leans more punk grunge but can be soft grunge depending on his mood. love beanies and his hair is a little longer than chin length with lots of layers. He is tempted to shave off the sides of his head tho. also has grunge and punk music on his playlists.

bad with tech. like the opposite of ben. gets called an old man since he couldn’t figure out how the tv remote works.

he doesn’t grow facial hair, doesn’t like the look.

acts like he’s too proper to cuss, but he does.... a lot

experienced some racism while growing up so he does say ACAB

probably has some piercings or tattoos or both 

still is depressed, has some tough days, but doctor ej gets him pills to help and he has a good support system

shit this was a lot so Helen is next with another post. ill get into their friendship and relationships with other in a whole new post if yall like it. someone tell me if this gives joy cause i could write an essay on this man

#puppeteer #creepypasta puppeteer #idk how to tag this man #jonathon blake #creepypasta

[nico-idc]

random vent because i'm numb rn and feel like it

This is a vent post, ill probably talk about su!cide, self h*rm, eating disorders and depression. I’ll also cuss a lot, and things will not be censored. Also, this may seem insensitive to people experiencing any of this, sorry about that.  Dont read this if youre triggered by that.

Also, this is my experience with mental health. Everyone deals with it differently. 

So, If anyone doesnt know, I have depression and anxiety. And right now, I’m feeling numb as it’s often described by people with depression. But, numb isn’t a very good description. I can still feel. I’ll still smile if you tell me a joke, or if something funny is on a video. I’ll still cry if there’s something super sad. Emotion is just watered down. I feel it, but not as much as I should. Me and my boyfriend were talking, and i couldnt tell him I loved him. It’s not becuase I dont love him, but I just cant feel much of anything, so I dont want to tell him I loved him. Becuase If i did that, I felt as though I was lying. The funniest thing is, I randomly started crying. Still felt nothing, but hey, I had tears streaming down my face. Who fucking knows why. 

I havent been doing to great for a while now, but this is the worst i’ve ever gotten. Ive never felt numb before. I mean, I’ve felt myself starting to go through the motions, but i’ve never gone completely numb before. And before this i’ve had a few mental breakdowns. Hell, I’ve sat in a corner twice in the past month or so doing nothing but sobbing and begging myself not to move so I dont grab something sharp and cut myself. (I did not relapse, don’t worry). and recently I completely broke down over simply eating a cereal bar, got through it, ate it. I’m good now. 

Figures. That does seem to be my experience. Oh no, big bad issue one time, then magically I just talk myself out of my bullshit, and im fixed. Ha ha, yet I act like I have all these issues. I mean, I didnt even attempt to starve myself, just thought “oh, friends and family wont let me” and didnt. Had a breakdown about a year later, been fine since. Cut for a few months, went to therapy for a few months, stopped cutting. had a few breakdowns about a year or two later, then was fine. was suicidal for a while, went to therapy for a bit, was happy for months. Had breakdowns every now and then, fine now.

ha ha, first time I say alot of this is online. Figures. I’ve done that a lot too. My boyfriend has found out a bit about my depression through this site. Becuase I cant talk to my boyfriend about my shit, but hey random people on the internet! hear about my problems.

So on another note, I recently found a song that describes part of depression pretty well. It’s called “i’m not dead” by boyinaband. it’s linked below, I’ll copy paste the lyrics, and explain how I relate, and what the lyrics mean to me, becuase why not? (lyrics will be in bold)

I'm not dead

I'm not fixed, but I'm not giving up yet

Basically, this means that im still here, im still depressed, but I’m still trying to fight depression. 

I'm sick of saying that I still don't have anything done

I hate telling friends I'm trying something just to give it up

I never commit to anything, I just say I’ll do something, then decide I dont want to.

I'm still unsure of my emotional state

I'm still incapable of focusing lately

I don't feel like creating

I'm tired of asking Google how to find motivation

I’ve been on break from writing for months now. tried to get back to it, lost concentration. I think this is self explanatory. 

I don't think I've ever made

Something that's as good as I'm capable of

Ha, I dont put in enough effort and commitment to make something as good as possible.

I hate not having a reason to look my best

I only ever take care of myself with the intent to show the internet

I mean, I dont try to show the internet, but I only take care of myself when other people will see me.

If what made me successful was an imposed sense of stress then

I am so so glad that I hated myself

The only thing that makes me do things is extreme stress.

I didn't luck into this position

I struggle with decisions

I mean, im not in any high position, but I do struggle with decisions. 

I wouldn't be my own friend

I'm too inconsistent

I’m inconsistent as hell. I’m in like 10 group chats, don't talk in any of them for months, then just show up like “hi, havent talked to you all in ages, but hi”. 

Without immense pressure nothing ever gets finished

If these words make it to your ears it'll be a fucking miracle.

Yep. I went on  whole rant about this on wattpad. Without pressure to do something, I don’t do it.

I'm fortunate to know more good people than most do

I wish I had more friends I could be physically close to

I dont personally have a lot of friends that dont live in my city, so the last line isnt an issue, but I do know a lot of good people”

I'm pretty good at like 20 different skill sets

At the expense of never being great at any one of them

I’m good at quite a few things. Drawing, math, even writing. But im not great at it. I’m average.

I wish this beat hit harder

I wish more syllables rhymed

I know 99 percent of people really don't mind

I dont personally relate to this, seeing as I dont make music.

I think collaborating forced me to finish things

'Cause I was terrified of wasting famous people's time

Oh yeah. Group projects would not get done if i wasnt scared of wasting my partner’s time.

I wish I could focus on what I define priority

I wish I was as grateful as I want to be

Dont really relate to these things

I wish I knew more people who were mentally stable

But if I did,

I wouldn't let them waste their time on me while I'm disabled

Oh yeah. Id love to have a friend who isnt depressed, but I wouldnt let them see that im fucked up becuase i dont wanna drag them down.

I feel alone

I know I'm not

I have a lot of friends, but I still fell alone in this world

I used to talk to lots of people.

Lately I've stopped

They didn't deserve it,

I've been a terrible friend.

But I couldn't bear to let myself become boring to them

I ignore group chats all the time. no reason. Probably shouldnt. 

I don't let myself get my hopes up.

I love people who do.

Something good happens? what could go wrong? that is my thought precess.

I never know if what I say I feel is the truth

I have no damn Idea what I think, so its so hard to know what the truth in my head is.

I wish I didn't instinctively try to be less specific

So more people could relate, when they read along with the lyrics.

Not lyrics, but if i write/explain something, I immediately generalize things so its relateable.

I can be happy in the moment

I am not when I reflect

I smile watching youtube, but then I look back and think about how I wasted time.

I distract myself with gaming, waiting to get better

I hate it

Youtube will cure depression right? /s

I wanna do the most good, and prevent the most hurt

But I've gotta put on my own oxygen mask first

This is just an important phrase I try to remember when I’m down. for people who dont do well with metaphors, he’s saying that if you want to help people, you need to help yourself first. 

I can't predict what I'll do.

I can never be sure

I am terrified of making promises any more

I can't face my work,

I feel sick from the word

I genuinely believe I'm capable of changing the world

Don’t relate much here, except for the more positive, upbeat tone the song takes on, and i feel that this part, the part above and everything below is dave fighting his depression.

I still think I can get better

I’m holding onto hope.

I still think I can create and get pleasure from it

I hope so, I want my art and writing to improve.

I'll keep aiming to make my emotion and my logic agree

The eternal stuggle. I always try to get the two to line up, it rarely works. I try to use logic more often though.

And become the best version of me

Always trying to improve myself.

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

There’s alot this could mean. I dont want to stop creating. I dont want to stop fighting. I dont want to stop getting better. I dont want to stop living. I relate to all these things.

I’ll expand on this more later, it’s too late now for me to continue this

#cussing tw #swearing tw #tw suicide mention #tw self harm #tw eating disorder #vent post

[strawberries-n-sugar]

Okay, I found this blog and I found her request which I relate to so much constantly so I wanted to do it. Warnings, cussing, lots and lots of cussing and screaming and tears, maybe hint of really dark talk if you are triggered by that; I'm not sure how to describe it unless you actually read, reader has been mentally abused manipulated and taken advantage of her whole life and it takes tole, stress and exhaustion, mentally breaking, loathing life and your job, bitterness and hatred of people, a kind person growing tired and angry. Tom and reader's relationship is open for the reader to decide and please keep in mind whereas this has some realistic topics it is FANFICTION, not meant to offend or disrespect anyone

Can someone write me a fic, where the main character comes home pissed off at a coworker, stressed out. She's ready to beat her down and Tom Hiddleston calms her down @traceyaudette

You had gotten off of work well over an hour ago after getting off nearly two hours late. When you first got off you were fuming, still talking at 20 miles a minute and Tom could barely understand every third word that passed through your lips. He had tried to speak with you but that seemed like it wasn't going to happen so now he sat and let you blow off some steam and stress from work. At this point you had calmed down a bit, sort of, he could understand you now at least. What you were saying now sounded like English anyway. This was actually a normal thing, almost daily. He hated it for you to say the least.

"I am just so tired of being screamed at! Im tired! I am so so tired of everyone yelling at me! They won't stop yelling! I'm a fuck up, I get that but damn it I am trying so fucking hard and I am doing my best! I'm sorry I am not perfect! Im trying! Im trying! I know I'm not good enough because Im co stantly told, I always have been! Daddy told me! Teachers! Momma! Teachers! Principals! Friends! Boyfriends! Girlfriends! Now my managers and coworkers! I try my fucking damdest to be nice but sometimes I think I am too nice! The only person who ever thought I was good enough was my aunt and I know I have let her down by now! The bad part is I didn't know I was tired and fucked up until a few years ago! And now I cant stop it! I know I am being mistreated and manipulated now and I can't stop it because Im scared! I am only allowed to smile, grit my teeth, apologize and bare it! He will never put more on you than you can take?! Bullshit! Look at me! I'm fucked up and fucked in the head! I am suposed to be grown and-Im so tired! When I do try to defend myself I either get in trouble or don't get taken seriously and Im always told I have a choice but I don't! As soon as I make the wrong choice it bites me in the ass! With the situation now what I don't understand is that if I am so horrible then get someone else! Oh wait, they cant because noone else will take what I do and it is a job noone else wants to do and that is what I am there for! I just want to go to school so I can get out! I want to be happy!! I don't want to quit anymore, I just want to die!" You scream while sobbing and your pain and anguish are obvious. Often times when you got off like this you and Tom would argue and most of the time the worst bits of your breakdowns occured coincedsntally when he was awaya nd you were alone. He knew it was bad but he never imagined this and it broke his heart.

"One day! One day mark my fucking words, I'm gonna get pissed and Ill make somebody listen to me!" You declare and he pushes himself off of his seat, walking over to you. He takes your face in his hands and tries to wipe some of the tears as away. You choke on a lump in your throat causing a sputtered cough and you sniffle all while trying to catch your breath.

"Everybody expects me to smile and bare it and that's all I am able to do but one day Ima' get mad. I will burn it all down. I am about to press faces to fryers."

"Breathe," he coaxes you sensing you begin to start hyperventalating at the verge of an anxiety attack. You swallow again trying to stop crying and it is silent for several moments as he waits for you to try and pull yourself together the best that you can. He uses his thumb to dry your face. "I don't have any tissues handy," he smiles a little, trying to urge you to laugh and it works, "thats it, breathe," he coaches you.

When you are finally only sniffleing and wiping your own face he kisses your head and pulls it to his chest, holding it there with his arms around you. "Alright, here is what is going to happen. Do you need to have a appoinment to be put on your meds again, perhaps a higher dosage?" You shake your head no. "Alright, then do you want therapy?" You shrug honestly, part of you did but the part of you didn't want to be basically called crazy again. "Okay, then I will help you go to school and do all we need to do to get you out of that job," he kisses the top of your head. "Just hang on a bit longer," he rubs your back. You nod against his chest, his heartbeat soothing you as well as the embrace and the words.

"For the moment, you are off for the evening and there is only me and you. You don't have to deal with customers, or managers, or coworkers any more this evening so let's try to relax and you can enjoy yourself and then get some rest. I will get you a nice hot bath, and then we can curl up on the sofa and watch a film, and then I will take you to sleep when I see you are ready to go to bed. How does that sound?"

"Perfect," you smile and hug his waist.

He smiles and walks to draw the bath for you then walks you to the bathroom as he rubs your shoulders, "I'll make snacks and choose a movie," he leaves you to have alone time but leaves the door open. You soak for a bit and when you come out after slipping into some soft comfy warm clothes including your cat sweater and some pajama pants you come out to the kitchen with the sleeves pulled over your hand and your hand by your mouth feeling like a tired and exhasted child with blood shot eyes blown large and innocent.

He smiles at you and walks to the sofa with you, he sits with a arm over you, bringing your head to his lap. He had snacks set out on the table and he turned the movie on. You fall asleep about halfway through the movie and he carries you to bed, kissing your forehead goodnight

#tomhiddleston x reader

[vitanes]

say it’s okay when it’s not

chapter 15: truth or dare

Lucas makes peace with himself, finally learns the whole truth about Eliott and realises that family is all the friends we’ve made along the way. Oh, and also gets a boy.

(a/n: so we’ve reached the end of this story. if anyone had told me id write over 80k words long story like a half year ago i wouldnt believe them but here i am. before writing for skam france, i had a long break but this show made me fall back in love with writing and no matter how detached i am from the series now, ill be always grateful for that. i want to thank every single person who’s ever liked, reblogged, commented or sent me an ask regarding the fic. im happy i could make you all feel something with my words thats my main goal as a writer. anyways, enough sappiness! enjoy the last part!)

Lucas knows that punching a guy when he isn’t alone is not the brightest idea, but it’s too late to think about it when his knuckles have already caused the damage. Buzzing with adrenaline, Lucas looks towards Tom. He’s backed away a few steps and is currently clutching onto his face. There’s blood running down from his nose.

There’s a wave of satisfaction hitting Lucas from all sides and it last exactly ten seconds before Tom’s friends are on him. One of them is holding Lucas by his shoulders while the other is glaring at him, coming way too close for Lucas’ liking.

He gulps, trying his best to maintain eye contact.  He’s been crushed before because of how weak he was but this time he won’t let them hurt him without a fight. Not when he has every right to be furious in this situation.

The guy watches Lucas carefully, his eyes narrowed and after a few beats of silence, nods at the boy holding Lucas back. Much to Lucas’ surprise, he releases him.

“We don’t want trouble,” one of them says, looking meaningfully at all the people around them. Lucas follows his gaze and sighs. He was genuinely prepared to get beaten up again. Especially that they seemed like they wouldn’t care about the consequences.

But Lucas is still so full of anguish that he doesn’t know what to do with. He curls his fingers up into fists.

“I can’t let him get away with it,” Lucas grits out, his eyes downcast. They have no fucking idea what kind of hell he’s gone through because of Tom.

The boys look at each other, their faces troubled and then back to him. They still seem ready to stop Lucas from surging towards Tom. He can’t do anything in this case and it’s tearing him apart.

“Then don’t, but fighting won’t get you anywhere,” says the one that’s been previously holding Lucas. Look at them. Altruists.

Even when he wants to and has the occasion to get his revenge, Lucas can’t. And it’s unfair, isn’t it? He should be able to show Tom at least an ounce of the pain that was served to Lucas. After so many months, Lucas should be allowed to get back at him. But all he can do is stand there, helpless and trembling while they walk away, shielding Tom from him. That’s fucked up.

Once they’re out of sight, Lucas heaves out a deep breath and with it, the tears he’s been holding back start running down his cheeks. He’s crying out of frustration and anger because there’s no other way for those emotions to leave him. He can’t punch anyone or scream so all that’s left is crying. Right in the middle of the pavement, surrounded by people. Complete strangers that won’t even spare him a glance. Alone in his pain.

But he’s not alone, is he?

Lucas wipes his face with his sleeve and sniffs. There are people out there that care, that have his back no matter what. That’s what he’s learnt over the course of the last few months. No matter how much darkness is surrounding him, how lost he is, Lucas will find a way home.

Lucas is going to survive with the help of his friends, the family he’s made along the way. He’s been shown time and time again that he doesn’t have to face everything by himself.

That’s why he heads to the flat and when Mika sees the look on his face he doesn’t question Lucas reaching out for him.

Lucas hasn’t stopped fighting, it’s merely a break. He will go to the police tomorrow, he will handle everything. But now he’s bone-tired.

With no words said, Mika wraps his arms around Lucas and lets him rest.

“I know who blackmailed me,” Lucas mumbles into Mika’s shoulder and feels him tense.

“You do?” Mika asks, his voice breathy.

Lucas nods. “Is everyone in the living room?” Lucas can hear some muted noises but he isn’t sure whether it’s the girls or the TV.

“Yeah,” Mika lets out.

Lucas pulls away. “I want them to know, too,” he says. He’s gotten everyone too involved for him to keep it secret. At this point, he owes his friends that much.

“Of course,” Mika replies and nudges Lucas forward.

They enter the living room and their expressions must be rather grim because both Manon and Lisa stop chatting upon seeing them.

“Hi,” Lucas says, waving at them weakly before sitting down on the couch, next to Manon. Mika chooses his other side while Lisa is sitting comfortably in an armchair. “I found out who the blackmailer is. By accident.” He looks down on his hands. His right one still has some signs of what he’s done to it, but he long stopped bandaging it. Some fingers are a bit crooked, though.

“What?” Lisa asks.

“Who is it?” Manon sits up straighter.

Lucas snorts. “It’s a guy Yann and I were buying weed from. Last year. He just,” he shrugs, “wanted money for drugs. He got the pictures from someone else’s phone.” Lucas briefly glances at Manon, but she seems completely oblivious to it. So Daphne hasn’t said anything. Fine, he’s not going to, either. He has no energy to deal with this. “He didn’t have any ulterior motives. Fuck, he didn’t even plan to do it in the first place. I don’t…” he stops and drags a hand down his face. “…I don’t know if I’d rather have it be someone else, someone who hated me than this. It’s so fucking baffling that it wasn’t personal and yet I’ve been completely fucked over.” He pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, letting out a shuddering breath.

Manon rests a hand on his shoulder and squeezes.

“This dude is completely fucked up. How could he?” Lisa asks no one in particular.

“At least now you can rest. You know the whole truth,” Manon says, her voice calm even though Lucas can feel through his shirt that her hand is shaking.

“Yeah, I– I feel slightly lighter. But I can’t fucking do anything and it’s killing me. It’s like I’m about to explode,” Lucas confesses, putting his hand down on his knee.

Mika throws an arm over his shoulders and pulls him to his side.

“How about we go to the gym?” he suggests out of nowhere and when none of them say anything, he huffs. “It could help Lucas. It’s better if he doesn’t bottle it all up,” Mika reasons. Well, if he’s putting it that way.

Lisa opens her mouth to say something, but Mika beats her to it.

“Like a family activity?” he offers. They can’t say no to that, can they?

 ***

 Going to the gym helps. Lucas was doubtful at first, but after two hours of intense exercise, his mind is much clearer. With his whole body aching and sweaty, he no longer wants to go out there and fight Tom. All he is craving is a shower and a nap.

Everything else will come later.

 ***

 “I can’t fucking believe it was Tom,” Yann spits out, shaking his head. “What a fucking dick,” he adds.

Lucas has gone to the police and told them everything. He was assured they’d take care of everything and contact him sooner or later. It didn’t satisfy him a lot. He doesn’t think he’ll be truly satisfied until Tom faces real repercussions. And the police’s vague affirmations don’t tamper down his impatience. So he called Yann.

He told him the exact same story as he recalled to his flatmates, with maybe more details and Yann’s been cussing Tom out for the past ten minutes.

“Yeah, Daphne must have bumped into him, asked to call Imane and that’s how he got the pictures,” Lucas says in a detached tone.

“Damn. What now?”

Lucas shrugs. “I was told to wait. Not sure I can do it any longer but what other choice do I have?”

“I’m still so shocked you found out by simply overhearing. Like? How’s that even possible?” Yann asks, grimacing.

“I know, right? That’s what I mean when I say that coincidences don’t exist,” Lucas replies, looking straight ahead. He hides his hands in the pockets of his jacket. “But you know what?” He gazes up at Yann to find him already looking back. “I’m so fucking glad I know. It’s been gnawing at me for so long and I thought I’d never find out. I had no idea where to look, there were nearly no clues. I can finally focus on other things.” It’s awful that he can’t seek the revenge out on his own, sure, but simply knowing gives him more peace than anything. There are still so many things, issues that he has to work through and he bets it’ll be a long process. Having fewer things on his plate is beyond helpful.

Lucas can heal and grow, take his time for as long as he needs to without having this at the back of his mind all the time. He can push forward with no more secrets holding him back.

“You’re so strong and I’m proud of you, you know?” Yann says fondly and bumps his shoulder against Lucas’. Lucas smiles under his nose.

“Thank you. I have no idea where I’d be right now without you,” he admits in a small voice. Yann has been nothing but giving and Lucas will try to repay his kindness for the rest of their lives.

“I’m your best friend, aren’t I? I’m not going anywhere. I love you lots,” Yann says with an audible smile in his voice.

Lucas feels warm.

“I love you, too,” he replies, so fucking grateful for having Yann in his life. In a way, Lucas thinks, he saved his life.

Yann is his anchor, his safe place and Lucas is sure that he’d drown without him. He can only hope that Yann feels the same.

 ***

 By Monday, Lucas has already talked with his friends and mom about the blackmailer. There’s only one person that doesn’t know and it’s Eliott. Truth be told, Lucas didn’t want to bother him with the news. He has no idea how Eliott is currently doing and he doesn’t want to force him into unwanted interactions. The time to tell him will come.

His friends have been all kinds of shocked and surprised, but the people who personally met Tom even more so. Emma briefly wanted to kill him and Yann shared the sentiment. But everyone agreed that it was about time. Or at least, mostly everyone. Lucas doesn’t know and has no intention of finding out what Daphne thinks about it.

“How do you feel?”

Lucas looks at Imane. “Better than in a long time,” he admits. She smiles at him.

They are going to the library, having decided to study together earlier. Lucas has expected questions like this, but he isn’t annoyed. He no longer has to hide his true feelings, he’s not burdened. And Imane asking him about his well-being means that she cares.

It’s funny to think that before all this mess started, Lucas and Imane were only friends by association. Merely greeted each other in hallways. In the span of the last few months, everything has changed and as of now, she’s one of his closest friends. An unexpected development in Lucas’ life.

He lost so much but he also gained a lot. And he’s not sure he deserves all of that, but he’s learning to accept good things nevertheless.

Imane is one of those people whose presence you want to keep around. Lucas doesn’t really know how to explain it and maybe he doesn’t have to. Perhaps, he can be simply happy about the fact that Imane wants him around, too. He shouldn’t question it. She’s a good person and an amazing friend. She’s both tough and soft as well as incredibly smart. Lucas admires her and can proudly call himself her friend.

“Good. You can try to catch up to me when it comes to grades,” she teases.

She’s also honest.

Lucas snorts and looks at her. “Are you sure you want that? I don’t want to make you sad,” he retorts, adjusting his backpack.

Imane rolls her eyes. “You wish. I just wanted to be nice. We both know you could never get on my level,” she states matter-of-factly.

“Watch me. The school year isn’t ov–“

Imane stops abruptly and Lucas glances at her in surprise. Her brows are drawn together and he follows her gaze.

Daphne is standing in their way. They look at her in confusion and mild irritation in Imane’s case. Lucas notices that she’s anxiously fidgeting in place. She must have followed them up until now.

“Do you want something?” Imane asks and her voice is devoid of the earlier playfulness. Lucas only now sees the strain Daphne’s acting made on the girls’ friendship. Imane has never been this cold towards her before.

“Can we talk for a minute? In private?” Daphne asks, staring at Lucas.

God, the audacity.

“No, I’m good here. If you have anything to say, say it,” Lucas tells her. He almost pities her. Almost.

“I just wanted to ask you if there was any way I could make what I did up to you. I know it was wrong, but I was hoping I could fix it somehow,” Daphne replies, holding tightly onto the strap of her bag.

“Are you for real?” Imane mutters under her breath.

The thing is, Lucas knows Daphne had no ill intentions and the guilt must be eating at her right now. Rightfully so. He’s aware that she never wanted to hurt him, but still. He can’t find it in himself to forgive so easily. Maybe if she had come immediately after the pictures were leaked, but as the things are at the moment, Lucas doesn’t even want to talk with her.

“How about you finally tell other people?” he says which instantly makes her clamp her mouth shut. “Besides, the only way you could make it up to me would be if you invented the time machine. Can you do that? Can you do that, Daphne?” Lucas asks and he can feel himself getting worked up, but he’s unable to stop. “We won’t be friends anytime soon. But if it only bothers you because you feel guilty, then just forget about it. I don’t care anymore. Let’s say you’re forgiven or whatever,” he adds, barely managing to keep his voice calm.

Daphne is watching him with her eyes wide open and her chin wobbling. For a brief moment, Lucas wonders whether he wasn’t too harsh, but it all disappears when he thinks of all the months he was hurting because of what Daphne did.

Imane places her hand on Lucas’ forearm and he’s so grateful. Her touch is grounding.

“Be happy we haven’t told everyone. We are giving you a chance to at least slightly redeem yourself,” Imane says. She doesn’t let Daphne add anything as her grip on Lucas’ arm tightens and she starts dragging him in the opposite direction. Though, Daphne seems speechless anyway.

“But what about studying?” Lucas asks when she eventually lets go of him.

“Let’s get a cookie first,” Imane replies, trying to smile at him, but failing miserably.

Lucas purses his lips and sighs. “I’m so sorry. It’s my fault your friendship is so fucked up.”

She glares at him. “She did the bad thing. It’s not your fault, okay? None of it is. I can’t stand with her after that. I’m just upset.” She shrugs one of her shoulders.

Lucas opens his mouth to say something when his phone buzzes. Imane seems to be deep in thought so he decides to check the message.

When he sees who texted him, his heart flutters excitedly in his chest, Daphne forgotten.

 can we meet tomorrow? i want to talk with you

 Lucas quickly types out a response, agreeing to the meeting and locks his phone. God, it’s been so long since he last heard from Eliott.

Imane nudges him and when he sends her a quizzical look, she asks, “What are you grinning about?”

“It’s Eliott. He wants to meet with me,” Lucas says, feeling his cheeks hurt from how much he’s smiling. Huh, so that’s how it feels when you like someone and you’re aware of it? Crazy.

Mostly, he missed Eliott and was worried. So he supposes, there are more reasons for his excitation than only his crush. Eliott is his friend first and foremost. The romantic attraction is just an addition.

“How’s he?”  

“We’ll find out,” Lucas says, wishing tomorrow could come sooner.

 ***

 When Lucas approaches the gate, it’s already open. He only has to slightly push it forward and the abandoned park comes into sight. He enters the place and for a moment the time stills. He revels in the way the wind is blowing subtly at the leaves. Even the air feels different here.

Eliott told him to come and see him at the tunnel he once showed Lucas. Looking around, Lucas remembers how Eliott told him he’d never brought anyone here before. That Lucas was first and maybe, just maybe, it was one of the signs that Eliott liked him, but Lucas was completely blind to it. You don’t bring a random friend to a place that’s special to you.

Lucas’ palms get significantly sweatier as he comes closer to the tunnel. Eliott likes to come here when he wants to be alone and yet, he once again invited Lucas to join him. Perhaps he feels safer in these surroundings.

Lucas reaches the tunnel and it takes him a moment, but when he eventually notices Eliott sitting against one of the walls, he lets out a loud sigh. Eliott turns his head towards him and Lucas could swear he sees a shadow of a smile on his face.

Before saying anything, he takes his steps to Eliott and plops down next to him, brushing their shoulders in the process.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” Eliott replies, his voice a little uncertain. “Sorry I dragged you here. I just had to get away from my flat or I’d have lost my mind,” he explains apologetically.

Lucas nudges him playfully in the side. “No need to be sorry. It’s okay. I like it here. I don’t care about the place as long as I get to see you,” he admits, glancing down at his lap. He shouldn’t be saying things like that.

Eliott only snorts under his nose and sags against the wall. He seems tired. If it weren’t for the darkness, Lucas would probably see the bags under his eyes.

“Anything happen when I was out?” Eliott asks. Lucas thinks for a long moment. He can’t really say that he finally realised his feelings for Eliott after like months. So he goes for the only other thing he can think of.

“I caught the blackmailer.”

Eliott gasps subtly. “Oh. Is that so?”

Lucas tells him the whole story. He’d expect himself to get tired by now, since he recalled those events to so many people, but with Eliott it’s fine. Like always.  

“I guess fate decided it was the time.”

“I’ve been thinking the same thing,” Lucas says, glad that someone has finally seen his point.

What follows is a bit of a meaningless back and forth before Eliott asks the big question, “You’ve met Lucille, right?”

Lucas frowns. He isn’t very keen on talking about her, but he supposes it’s only the beginning of what Eliott wants to discuss. “Yeah.”

“It’s almost like she moved in with me. I hate that my parents told her to take care of me as if we didn’t break up. I can’t stand all of them. I know they mean well, but God seeing your ex without going through depression sucks enough,” Eliott rambles on, his voice monotone. “I already said that I’m feeling better, but no, of course, she still comes. At this rate I’m afraid she’s gonna ask to get back together,” he continues, letting his head slide to the side, right to Lucas’ shoulder. Lucas has probably uncomfortable shoulders, but it’s too late, Eliott is already propped up there.

“And will you? Get back together?” Lucas asks, anxious. Eliott shifts and Lucas can feel his eyes looking up at him.

“You know I won’t,” Eliott says calmly and the weight of his words makes Lucas realise just how close they are right now. “About that. I wanted to say sorry for being an asshole to you last time. I was all over the place. Embarrassed because of everything I did during, you know, being manic. I went out of my way to remind you of my feelings. It all just hit me and I lashed out on you. I was scared you’d hate me. So yeah, I’m sorry.” His voice is quiet, but in the tunnel, Lucas can hear every single word clearly. Eliott still seems scared. And ashamed.

“It’s okay. Nothing you did made me feel uncomfortable.” Quite the opposite. “And I could never hate you for that. Besides, I should have given you more time. You weren’t ready to talk, I can’t blame you for your reaction,” Lucas says reassuringly. All this time, he was angry at himself for overwhelming Eliott. There hasn’t even been a moment in which Lucas had considered thinking badly of Eliott.

“Yeah, but I’m bi– bipolar, not brainless. I should know when to shut up. It’s not an excuse to be a dick,” Eliott mutters and maybe he’s right. Maybe they both made some mistakes. It’s all in the past, though. “I just really wish you had found out in another way and not when it was out of my control,” he whispers and sighs.

“Then why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I wasn’t ready. I don’t like that part of myself. It’s hard for me to talk about and I didn’t want you to look at me differently. I was gonna tell you, but I kept putting it off because everything was so good and I finally felt happy. I thought that maybe… maybe it wouldn’t happen again,” Eliott says and nuzzles his face against Lucas’ shoulder. He seems so fucking sad. Lucas wishes he could do something to help him. Make him feel better.

“You stopped taking your meds,” Lucas states, remembering what Eliott’s parents said. He feels him nodding.

“I felt too happy,” Eliott admits. They sit there quietly for a few moments, both at a loss of words.

Lucas doesn’t really know what he could possibly say in this situation. He doesn’t think there is anything that he could think of. He’s never been good at that sort of stuff. And it doesn’t look like Eliott wants him to say anything. More like he wants him to listen and understand.

“Remember when I told you about everything that happened at my old school?” Lucas hums. “I skipped out on some things. I, um– I had my first episode back then. It was much worse than what you’ve seen. Yeah, I was in love with one of my best friends, but it got out because I kissed him in front of everyone when I was in the middle of being manic. He rejected me and then everything went to shit even more. I was losing it and people at my school were awful. I’ve done so many things. And after all that, I crashed. I crashed so badly I wouldn’t leave my room for weeks. I missed my exams because of that. And I…“ he pauses to take a deep inhale. He sounds choked up. “…I was so deep in that dark place I tried to… tried to kill myself.” Lucas’ breath hitches in his throat. He feels Eliott trembling against him. Lucas wants to tell him that he doesn’t have to go further, but Eliott isn’t finished yet.

“They saved me and then I spent over two months in a hospital. That’s when I got diagnosed. When I was out of there, about to repeat the year, some of my friends tried to reach out to me but I pushed them away. I wasn’t happy with Lucille. And as the first semester progressed, I had another episode. Less violent than the first one. After that, I decided to change schools. Start fresh and stop being regarded as crazy by everyone. I really hoped it’d be– it’d be different,” Eliott admits, his voice breaking halfway through. Lucas doesn’t look towards him, afraid that he might see him crying. He wouldn’t be able to hold back his own tears if that was the case.

“It is different. We won’t leave you. And no one at school knows,” Lucas says in hopes that it will make Eliott feel a tiny bit better. “Also don’t worry, we’re not going to start treating you like a toddler. But we’re going to support you and be there for you.” Lucas is sure of this. He’s not alone and he won’t Eliott be, either.” Thank you for telling me all of this. Thank you for… for trusting me enough.”

“Thank you for listening,” Eliott murmurs, a little bit strained. He’s fighting so hard not to break down right here, on Lucas and Lucas wishes there was a way for him to convey that it’s alright. That he doesn’t have to hide anymore. But he isn’t sure Eliott would appreciate that right now. He probably doesn’t want anyone pointing his weaknesses out. Not after everything that he’s been through lately. So this time, Lucas will let him be. Patience and baby steps.

He looks down again. Their hands are so close to one another. If only Lucas moved his a couple of centimetres to the left, he’d cover Eliott’s palm. He glances then at Eliott’s face and sees that he’s closed his eyes. He looks drained.

It’s not the time for Lucas to be daring. There will be another chance. They’re okay as they are.

 ***

 Lucas keeps staring at the empty chair across from him. He knows it won’t magically make Eliott appear, but one can wish. Eliott still isn’t feeling well enough to come to school, but he said he might be back next week and that’s what Lucas is holding onto. It doesn’t change the fact that the table feels empty without him.

It’s funny to think that some time ago he’d feel overjoyed every time Eliott skipped school and there were only four of them. And now he’s moping. Oh, how the tables have turned. Lucas would even hope for Eliott not to come sometimes. Which, in perspective makes him feel guilty. Eliott tends to skip school on his bad days. So every time Lucas was happy that he had his friends all to himself, Eliott was being consumed by his own mind. Sweet.

Lucas sighs to himself, dragging a fork over his plate.

“Dude, it’s like the tenth time you sighed in the last few minutes,” Basile points out to which Lucas only shrugs.

“Let him be. He’s sulking,” Yann says, barking out a laugh. He’s the only one knowing about Lucas’ recent epiphany and the asshole is having great fun with it.

“Why are you sulking?” Arthur asks, poking Lucas in the forearm.

“Do you remember when you asked me whether I had a crush on Eliott?” Lucas mumbles under his nose.

Arthur nods, squinting his eyes. “Yeah?” Lucas looks at him pointedly and then Arthur gasps. “No way,” he lets out.

“Yes way,” Yann teases. Lucas scowls at him and kicks him under the table. Basile yelps and Lucas figures out he missed.

“How long? What?! When?!” Arthur exclaims and Lucas shushes him when too many people look their way.

“I don’t know how long. It hit me last week,” Lucas explains.

“Unbelievable,” Basile lets out, shaking his head. “All Eliott had to do was to have an episode. Bravo, Lucas, bravo.”

“Fuck you,” Lucas says, but there’s no bite in his voice. He knows he’s an idiot. In his defense, internalised homophobia is a bitch to deal with and repressing things is a way to go. He still has moments when he denies his feelings or thinks that he’s disgusting for liking Eliott. He doesn’t even want to think about the turmoil he’d be going through now if Eliott didn’t reciprocate this crush.

“And you know what’s even better? Eliott likes him back,” Yann singsongs with a shit-eating grin.

“He does?!” Basile asks in disbelief.

“He does,” Arthur simply states, unlocking his phone.

Lucas huffs. “First of all, don’t talk about this! It’s confidential and he isn’t even here. And second of all, you,” he points at Arthur who purses his lips into a thin line, “you knew?”

“Yes. I knew. Why do you think we kissed that one time? We were both sad because of our crushes and Eliott told me back then it was you,” he explains, scrolling down some website.

“Then why did you ask me if we were together?”

Arthur lets out an exasperated sigh. “Because he told me months ago, drunk. We never really talked about it again. You could have gotten together in the meantime.” He shrugs nonchalantly. Well, he does have a point. “There’s a party on Friday. Are we going?” Arthur changes the topic. He looks up at them expectantly.

They glance at one another and then collectively nod. It’s been some time since they last went to a party. And the other time they wanted to get some relax, it didn’t exactly work out.

Yann nudges Lucas in the elbow. “Do you think you could get Eliott to come?”

Well, he can try.

 ***

 Lucas was pretty sure Eliott would immediately decline but turns out that convincing him to go with them was much easier than expected. Of course, he said he wouldn’t drink and would be there only for a short time, just to see all of them after almost two weeks. All of which Lucas understands.

They agreed that Lucas would come and pick him up before the party, since Eliott would feel too anxious to go by himself.

It’s a bit earlier than he was supposed to arrive, but Lucas thinks that Eliott will forgive him as he knocks on the door to his flat. It takes a good minute for the doorknob to move and the door to open. Lucas partly expects to see Lucille facing him so he lets out a breath of relief when it’s Eliott.

His hair is damp and his clothes are disheveled. He isn’t ready to go out yet and Lucas has enough decency to murmur, “Sorry for being this early,” before Eliott ushers him in.

“It’s fine. You can sit wherever I’ll go get ready,” Eliott says, sending his way a nervous smile.

Lucas watches him disappear in the direction of his bedroom. Eliott seems a bit shaky. Maybe he doesn’t really want to go to the party? But what can Lucas do, though? Eliott is a big boy and he won’t baby him. Lucas won’t act like Eliott’s parents and Lucille. After all, Eliott should know his limits.

With that in mind, Lucas goes to the living room and settles on the couch. He hears Eliott going around the flat, his steps loud in the silence of the walls.

Lucas looks out of the window and says, “Oh, fuck,” just as Eliott passes by the living room.

He sticks his head into the room, gazing at Lucas in confusion.

“It started raining,” Lucas mutters in the same exact moment a thunderbolt cuts through the sky.

When the loud thundering sound can be heard, they lock their eyes and Eliott says, “Fuck indeed.”

They smile at each other.

Lucas looks at Eliott since he finally has a clear sight of him and notices that his cheeks are a bit sunken and there sure are purple bags under his eyes. He is worn down and there is no beating around it.

“You don’t want to go to the party,” Lucas states instead of asking. Eliott sighs, looking down and it’s enough of an answer. The rain is rhythmically hitting the windows and it’s gradually getting darker. As yet another thunderbolt lights up the room, Lucas continues, “We could use it as an excuse and not go. We can hang out together at any other time.”

Eliott glances up at him, biting down on his bottom lip. “I’d like that,” he admits quietly.

Lucas grins towards him, feeling his heart racing. He likes this scenario better as well.

They both jump when there’s an especially loud clap of thunder and right after that the lights go out.

Lucas can only see the glint of Eliott’s eyes.

“Oh, great.” He chuckles nervously. There are a few seconds of silence and then Eliott turns the flashlight in his phone on. It doesn’t do much since they’re pretty much surrounded by darkness at this point, but it’s helpful either way.

Eliott moves towards the couch and then sits down next to Lucas. They stay in silence, letting the thunder outside fill it. It’s not exactly pleasant, considering the fact they keep flinching and jumping every few seconds. Lucas would really like to hold hands right now. But it’s not like he’s going to ask, right?

“I’m a bit scared,” he admits and feels Eliott turning his head towards him.

“Me too,” Eliott whispers when everything is lit up again.

Lucas hums thoughtfully. “Let’s play something so we can get distracted,” he suggests, breathing out evenly.

“Okay.”

“Truth or dare?”

“Sure,” Eliott agrees. “So what do you choose?”

Lucas is not about to do some things when it’s dark everywhere around them so he replies, “Truth.”

“Hmm. When was the last time you wet your pants?”

Lucas makes a face. “Come on, dude. Seriously?” He groans and closes his eyes. “I was fourteen. I was watching some dumb horror,” Lucas confesses. He doesn’t even remember what the movie was about, but it sure as fuck gave him a couple of sleepless nights. Eliott snorts. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Have you,” Lucas pauses, biting the inside of his cheek. “Have you ever been with a boy?” He can feel himself blushing as he says those words.

“Yeah, I have,” Eliott replies. He doesn’t say who or when it was, which is partly disappointing as it is relieving.

They take turns in asking each other questions throughout the thunder going on outside. Neither of them chooses dare, not wanting to move anywhere. They ask each other gross and mostly trivial questions. It’s not the time to go deeper, to unpack their traumas and they’re aware of that. They laugh and teases each other, and by the time the thunder is almost gone, they’ve moved so much closer to each other that their sides are touching. They don’t comment on the fact their hands are brushing and Eliott’s index finger keeps tracing the back of Lucas’ knuckles. Their words are hushed whispers and each time one of them says something, the other has to lean closer.

Something has shifted in the span of the last few minutes or hours; Lucas doesn’t really know how much time passed.

One wouldn’t consider asking someone whether they’ve ever eaten boogers romantic, but within the context, Lucas thinks it’s the most romantic setting he’s ever been in.

“Truth or dare?” Eliott asks, staring at the side of Lucas’ face.

Lucas turns his head for the first time ever since they’ve started this game. Their faces have never been this close.

“Truth,” he mouths, knowing that Eliott will hear him anyway.

Eliott gazes at him for a long moment, searching for something and he must find what he’s been looking for because he asks, “Do you like someone?”

Lucas swallows, his eyes falling down to Eliott’s mouth and quickly back up to his eyes. “Yeah,” he breathes out, shifting his body closer. “Truth or dare?”

Eliott looks over Lucas’ face and his index fingers move up to his wrist. “Dare.”

The only thing that Lucas can hear is the thump-thump of his heart. He parts his lips.

“Kiss me.”

 ***

5 MONTHS LATER

  Lucas isn’t drunk. This time, he truly isn’t. He might have had a beer, but he isn’t looking forward to getting wasted any time soon.

He’s at a party, with his friends. He’s having fun and he doesn’t need unhealthy coping mechanisms to stay afloat.

The guys are talking about how they’ve been spending their summer. Yann mentions his part-time job, Arthur gushes about the girl he’s been flirting with and Basile recalls the two weeks his family spent in Greece. Lucas attentively listens to their words, dropping something from himself every few sentences.

His eyes keep straying over to Eliott, who’s standing in the corner of the room, chatting with Imane, but glancing time and time again towards Lucas.

A couple of months ago Lucas wouldn’t grin at a boy the way he does now. But a couple of months ago he didn’t have a boyfriend either.

The process of accepting, embracing his sexuality has been difficult. Trial and error, despite the support from everyone around and having started dating Eliott. It’s okay, though, because Lucas has learnt that he needs to do things slowly, be patient and gentle with himself. He’s currently in the best place he’s ever been. Things around him have changed and his way of thinking is far from the one he had in the past.

Lucas is healing. Sure, there are still nights he wakes up from nightmares of being beaten up or he can’t sleep altogether. He doesn’t have enough bravery to march in the Pride Parade, yet, but he hopes that next year he will find it in himself. There are moments he hates this part of himself and agonises over the fact he can’t change it.

Then again, there are times when he loves who he is becoming, loves being gay and lets himself enjoy the life he has.

It’s similar for Eliott. He wasn’t cured, there are still awful days he has to go through, they fight sometimes over stupid things. They work through their issues together, sometimes ending up hurting each other. But at the end of the day, it’s all worth it. Lucas can’t imagine anyone else by his side and no matter how many doubts he has, he knows Eliott feels the same.

Lucas’ struggles haven’t ended, but happiness isn’t out of reach. And he wouldn’t have made it without his mom or his a bit mismatched – and at times weird, Lucas thinks, as he watches Basile mix up the spicy sauce with his beer – family.

For the first time, it’s all looking up and Lucas wishes he could go back in time and tell himself that he wouldn’t be hurting forever. That he isn’t alone and everyone that’s caused him pain, would be punished. Tom and the boys that beat him up got what was coming for them, even though Lucas’ mom thinks it’s not enough. Lucas is simply glad his case wasn’t glossed over.

Imane leaves Eliott’s side when she’s called by Manon and Daphne and Lucas follows her with his gaze. Daphne has eventually come clean and initially, everyone pretty much resented her. Rightfully so. Lucas is still bitter at times, but he figured out there was no point in actively hating her so he just doesn’t care. The girls are still not so enthusiastically on board with her, but they haven’t abandoned her completely. Lucas is glad. It’s not like he wants her to have a miserable life. He’s not evil.

Lucas looks back towards Eliott who is now staring at him. Eliott cocks his eyebrow, his mouth stretched in a lazy smile. He nods his head towards the exit and winks at Lucas. Lucas rolls his eyes fondly and excuses himself from the guys.

He flips them off when they start wolf whistling as he approaches Eliott.

As Lucas is in front of him, Eliott reaches his hands to place them on his hips, but is stopped by Lucas’ fingers.

Lucas looks meaningfully towards the room full of people. “Let’s go outside, okay?” he suggests in a small voice to which Eliott only nods in understanding and grabs Lucas’ hand. He entwines their fingers as they leave the house the party is at.

Yeah, there are still some issues, bad moments and not everything has been magically fixed, but life is no longer hopeless and Lucas can finally say that there is a future for him. And maybe, for now, it’s enough.

#elu #elu fic #elu fanfic #skam france #skam france fic #skam france fanfic #lucas x eliott #eliott demaury #lucas lallemant

[greensconnor]

i’m asking about your dragon age characters

molly i would KILL for u im ur personal hitman now

anyway i said my city now because the entire bioware writing team sucks shit xoxo and i’m so much smarter than all of them but also fully incapable of having a normal amount of ocs for anything (see: the time i made 20 rwby ocs in less than two weeks) so i have. five worldstates here r some assorted thoughts

uhhh so the worldstates r as follows

eira mahariel (two-handed berserk/champ spec), rhett hawke (two-handed berserk spec), alas lavellan (mage knight enchanter spec), romanced alistair/fenris/dorian respectively

shiv tabris (dual wield duelist/assassin spec), radella “rads” hawke (mage spirit healer spec), kat adaar (two-handed reaver spec), romanced morrigan/isabela/cassandra respectively because im a pc gamer and i think i should be able to date whatever video game woman i like because im infinitely better than cishet men

this world state said yeah i respect mens rights. mens rights to shut the fuck up

twins bronson (sword/shield reaver spec) & bryant cousland (archer ranger spec), carmine hawke (archer assassin spec), syracuse trevelyan (dual wield tempest spec), romanced zevran/anora/josephine/bull. if ur wondering how that works my city now and the warden, hawke and the inquisitor should all meet and so they do because i Said So

riva amell (mage arcane warrior/battlemage spec), graham “gray” hawke (mage force spec), hellathen “hela” lavellan (archer assassin spec); romanced cullen/anders and later blackwall because hawke only likes men who will break his heart. hela doesn’t have a romance because she’s literally 20. who let her lead the inquisition (me it was me). also it should be noted the version of cullen i have in my head only vaguely resembles actual cullen because i write better than dragon age writers ever could and i gave him an Actual Cohesive Narrative and he gets bullied relentlessly for being scrawnier than his mage boyfriend

malien “mal” surana (mage spirit healer/keeper spec), jules hawke (sword/shield reaver spec), ash adaar (mage rift spec), romanced leliana/merrill/krem because i should have been able to kiss krem and its a Crime that i am not allowed to

knight enchanter is a Very op specialization and by Very op i mean it makes a mage with their built-in low constitution stats able to solo the biggest baddest dragon in the game on nightmare mode in under five minutes so like. alas lavellan fist fights dragons for fun send tweet

i think lavellans should be able to hit ppl with bricks for all the shit they endure. thus solas gets pranked by mahariel and alas by which i mean they just tip buckets of water onto him from the rookery

kat might be my only competent inquisitor but she did also try to knock out the right hand of the divine and attempt to gap even tho there’s fucky magic burning up her hand so does she have a brain cell? you decide

also its fantasy land and i do what i want so kat has blue/gold sectoral heterochromia

gray “mage rights” hawke is best friends with fenris which surprises literally everyone. their friendship started because they got into a fist fight and then they were like okay i respect u now. hawke is like hey fenris give me ur sword i have a fun trick to show u [uses his sword as a foci to zap carver in the ass with lightning]

i am Always thinking abt like how cullen could have been one man anti-chantry propaganda machine if he hadn’t so blatantly been shoehorned into every game past origins so anyway bioware forgot about a wholeass moon i can write what i like. [holds up cullen by the scruff of his stupid armor] not only are you bisexual you are also a bottom

i also Hate the whole uwu mage haters get fixed by romancing a mage

unlocked secret dialogue option where my inquisitors verbally cuss out dorian’s dad instead of whatever sympathetic narrative the writers were going for cuz its bullshit.

riva is a showoff and a Menace about being as good as he is because he unabashedly loves being a mage and hes like oooh look at me im sexy i dont need to use my hands to cast magic because i’m just that good ;)) and you know what. hes right.

gray, on the other hand, does Not want to be mage. he wants to be a druffalo farmer and retire in the hinterlands and be left the fuck alone. unfortunately he is gay and has one brain cell and terrible, terrible taste in men. ribbed relentlessly for this by riva (altho does he have room to talk hes been hung up on cullen since he was like 13)

shiv is trans n kieran is the result of doing the dark ritual with her wife and he looks a Lot like shiv (dark skin pointed ears, shock-white hair) and morrigan always just Assumed she dyed it or did something magic with it so seeing their kid come out like that was a WEIRD time for her

leliana almost Murdered by cassandra in worldstate 5 because the warden is Actually There The Whole Time, but its been 10 years, mal’s cut off all her hair and gotten full facial tattoos and she’s like “no one will know its me its fine” and she’s right. she gets away with it. only cullen like, Knows, because he knew her before the blight but he doesnt have a death wish n he like. will Not piss her off

shes dalish by birth n she was stolen from her clan by templars and thus is vehemently anti-circle and anti-chantry in general

uhhh the vallaslin (elf face tattoos) of my 4 dalish characters are:

eira = ghilan’nain (chose em cuz shes rlly interested in the navigation aspect of the goddess)

alas = falon’din (god of the dead n he picked them because he’s Also the god of fortune and alas is like tee hee fun but also he can and will kill u if u fuck with him so yk its fitting)

hela = june (god of the craft bc she likes to Make things but june is also the god who taught the elves 2 hunt and hela is. a hunter.)

mal = elgar’nan (allfather/god of vengeance bc. she is Vengeful. she is Angry. but yk fucking with shem politics and fucking their divine is like. mal may have little a retribution. as a treat.) yes she has the full half-face solid colour tattoo she does NOT fuck around.

bronson and bryant r not genetically identical but they Look similar enough 2 anyone who doesn’t know them well enough 2 play spot the distance. anora and bronson think this is a super fun game to play, especially when nobles realize they’ve swapped out the king but they’re too nervous to say anything

eira mahariel has two hands. one is for holding hands with alistair and the other is for throttling elven gods, apparently. she’s killed one before so solas she’s coming for your bitch ass next. watch urself.

speaking of eira and alistair are married thru dalish tradition and humans don’t recognize it n alistair loves 2 re-propose to her with random things. he’ll just pick up like. a bit of cheese and be like “marry me ;)” and she’s like GASP but whatever will the chantry say!!!! all of their friends r sick of them

“vhenan if you love me bring me a sword” “you think i could do better than a sword made out of space rock?” “:)”

eira is my youngest hero at 18 at the start of her game and kat is my oldest at 32 at the start of her game.

none of my hawkes are under six foot. rhett is the tallest (6′8″) and rads is the shortest (6′2″).

syracuse trevelyan would have been the Perfect inquisitor if he were not a pretty boy himbo and a gay bastard who does Most Things just to spite his parents.

[corypheus pointing at syracuse’s visage in his crystal orb thingo] i want that twink obliterated

i love the companions from older games return thing i truly do so i make it a point for Every companion to return in inquisition so the gang rlly is all here because i am a Slutte for found family

i lie in my keep worldstates because i dont want to choose between hawke and alistair during here lies the abyss but i never make him king and every time i play inquisition and cole has the wicked grace line it makes me Scream. alistair baby im so sorry i did this to you but i didnt actually do this to you

yes this is my everyone lives au but like. all the time. i have never left hawke in the fade and i do not intend to.

fuck whatever nonsense about wardens not being able 2 have kids. by sheer divine power (me) anora and bryant have three daughters; eleanor, sabina & cecelia n both bronson and zevran make Excellent uncles because i think anora deserves good things because i’m tired of bioware being like women bad, actually,

so like most of the time i have the warden & hawke turning up after the move to skyhold n then staying on, with the exception of bryant, carmine & mal. mal is as mentioned previously just There the whole time with her girlfriend. bryant steps in as king of ferelden w/ interests in closing the big hole in the sky spewing demons in2 his kingdom yk. carmine shows up because she wants to help & she wants protection for bethany but she outright says she’d rather die than be inquisitor so cassandra is shit out of luck.

“CHANGE HER MIND VARRIC” “she once doubled down on insisting amaranth was a shade of blue because she didn’t want to admit to being wrong. no one’s changing her mind seeker”

alas is the middle child of eight and is thus very good with children and also bossing around people older than him. 2 of his older siblings come to the inquisition when stuff in wycome has been settled

i left ash with the basic canon background with Some variation (he grew up under the qun and left of his own free will when his magic was discovered n he realized he couldn’t take living as a saarebas

kat on the other hand was raised tal-vashoth and has bounced around basically all over thedas and leads her own merc company when the conclave blows up. she also speaks multiple languages. is there a language she doesn’t speak? probably not

just realized how long this got so im gonna like. stop my general rambling now but lmao yeah theres some basics. waves hands.

#sol.txt #sol.orig #long post #late night followers im SO sorry for this #but also like. #i love them so yall just have 2 cope w/ it #no thoughts head dragon age #peonydarling

[imhurtinginside]

DRUNK SHAWN:)

I lay in bed with my phone going through Instagram for the 100th Time. I’m honestly tired and just want to go to bed, but I can’t I’m waiting for shawn. He’s out with his friends to celebrate his album that came out tonight. He didn’t invite me and that hurts my feelings, because I’ve been with him from the start. How I know he’s celebrating his album? I saw snapchats of him that his friends posted. Which was rude knowing I will see them, and I did and now I called him, texted him a millionth time. I see now their posting Instagram pictures, wow. So I go comment

“Thanks for inviting me, buddy!”

I know it was petty. But I had to, get him to to know that I was mad.

20 minuets past, and I get a respond from one of his friends he wrote

“Sorry princess, boys night out.”

So I comment back

“😂 yeah. We know who helped him but he couldn’t even get to invite me. HIS GIRLFRIEND”

And I just close Instagram because I almost threw my phone at the wall. I just try to go to to sleep, but I can’t. I get a call from Shawn

“Hheyyy princess”

He’s clearly drunk

“Heeey buddyyy” I respond

“Why are you calling me buddy?!”

“Oh. No reason. Just come home.”

“On my way with my friends.”

“Shawn. If you bring your friends I will kick you all out!”

“Fine im not bringing them!”

So I hang up waiting for him to come home. 30 minuets past he comes alone, thank god. I just wait for him to come in the bedroom I just look at him angry, I just turn to my side trying to sleep. He just takes his clothes off and comes to bed. He tries to cuddle me but i Push his hand off me “hey what was that for?” He asks I don’t respond he tries to cuddle me again I push his hands off of me again. “Just let me cuddle you, I missed you.” He says I scoff at him. I sit up turn my lamp on and say “oh? You missed me. Now You’re going to say that bullshit ?” “What are you talking about?l” he asks I just say “Shawn I’m not going to talk to you at 3 in the morning , and I’m not going to cuddle with you, or sleep with you. You smell like a bar. I’m sleeping on the couch.” I just get up he follows me taking my hand and says “what’s wrong??” I don’t say anything because I’m not trying to get in a fight with drunk Shawn, who will not remember the most of it by tomorrow. So I just say “nothing, I don’t feel like sleeping next to a bar.” “Ouch.” He says and puts he’s hand on his heart. “Just go to bed.” I say. Shawn just lays down because he knows not to get into a fight with me.

I take my pillows and my other blanket with me and walk out. I go turn the tv on and lay on the couch and try to sleep.

It was the next morning, I heard Shawn was in the kitchen doing something, but I didn’t want to open my eyes just yet because I didn’t wanted to face him. I hear him talking to someone on the phone, probably one of his friends. I get up to go to the bathroom he looks at me, I just don’t want to talk to him.

I hear my phone ringing so I go and pick it up, it’s one of my guy friends, that shawn hates. We just have a long conversation, I have him on FaceTime. I go around the house with him, shawn see’s us he just looks at me angry. “Yo Remember That summer night, where we went to the city. We had so much fun.” He says “oh my god! Remember when we went to that diner and ran out without paying, because we forgot our money in the car, and we were too lazy to get it.” I say while laughing. He laughs hard as me. He gets all serious and stops and says “you know I miss you.” I smile back “you know I miss you too.” “I miss being rebel with you, not caring about anything, even running out of a restaurant without paying.” Shawn just looks at me then back at my phone then me again in a worried look “Did you guys date?” Look. I just ignore him “yeah, well that rebel me is gone.” I say “woah! No way! How?” He asks in shock “Well I am just getting more soft on the inside” I said while rolling my eyes. He knows that’s not true so he says “well don’t get too soft so you don’t get too squasd” he says laughing “ha.ha.ha. That was very funny.” I say sarcastically, we have a more conversations about how we used to be out at 12am just walking in the city and not caring at all just spending time with each other. He says he needs to hang up, so we do.

We hang up. I go straight to the bathroom...

I get ready, take a shower, wash my hair, then put on some makeup and curl my hair. I have this black tight dress on that makes my bum poppin 😉. I walk out like this, I actually look at shawn. He looks like shit he’s sooo hungover, his problem. “Good morning, baby.” Shawn says in a sweet voice, like nothing happened. “good morning.” I just say back. “Where are you going?” He asks I just get my coffee, and drink it. I’m going to ignore him, how he ignored me. I go outside to get some fresh air, he comes behind me confused and I don’t even want to see him. I drink my coffee, “Are you going to answer my question? Honey?” I just look at him and say “no. I’m not going anywhere, honey.” He is still confused. He was so drunk last night that he must’ve missed that he didn’t invite me to his celebration party. I go back inside trying to stay calm and not bite his face off, which is very hard. I just go in the kitchen make myself breakfast, shawn comes up behind me and hugs me tightly “I don’t know what i did wrong but I’m sorry.” He says “yeah clearly you don’t know what you did wrong. That my problem.” I snap. He lets go I just make my breakfast and eat, i was nice enough to make him some.

Time passes.... his friends show up. Great. They all come in, sit down have a conversation with Shawn, one of the same guys that commented “sorry princes, boys night out.” Says “we missed you at the part last night.” He said. “Sorry princess, you’re prince couldn’t show up.” I say, grabbing my phone then I put my shoes on and slam the door and leave. I’m already down stairs shawn comes running towards me “what was that all about??!” He asks “you. You didn’t invite me to YOUR CELEBRATION party!” I blurt out “YOU SAID THAT YOU COULDNT COME. THAT HURT ME!” He yells “WHO SAID I COULDNT COME? I WAS UP FOR HOURS STARING AT THE PICTURES YOU POSTED WITH YOUR FRIENDS!” I Yell back, now we’re just yelling on the side of the street. “let’s go inside.” Shawn says “no! I’m not going inside because I’m going to my friends house.” I say and I leave him standing there.

Shawn just lets me go, because he knows he can’t hold me back.

I get to my friends house, we debate on what should we do. We just go and get drunk. I get drunk REALLY drunk. She takes me home, I go inside I can barely walk “where have you been? I’ve been trying to call you all night” Shawn asks I just want to eat so I go in the kitchen and start taking the foods out of the fridge and I start eating. “Are you high?” He asks “yeah. Actually I smoked a little and I’m really drunk.” He just stares at me in disbelief. “What’s going on?” He asked “Shawn. You didn’t invite me i was with you the whole time you didn’t invite me and it hurts I can’t even look at you right now how could you do this to me?” I say in one breath. “But baby, you said that you didn’t wanted to come. So I got hurt by that and started getting drunk.” He says “well then there must be a snake in your group.” I say while chuckling “Did you check Instagram?” I ask. He says no so he does. He check Instagram, everything is clear to him. “That Son of a bitch. And he even asked you why couldn’t you come. While he said you didn’t want to. I got so upset by that you i I acted like a dick by posting all of that on social media.” He says, I stop eating. I look at him understanding e everything. “Come here baby.” I say pulling him in to a hug. He picks me up takes me to the bedroom and starts kissing me. We start kissing he stops and says “I’m sorry, I should’ve called you or texted you.” “It’s okay i forgive you, but him I don’t. “ Shawn gives me a quick peck, he gets up calls his friend he start questioning him, he starts cussing him out.he says their not friends anymore and “Nobody treats my girl like that!” then he hangs up. “I had to let him know.” Shawn says. I pull my arms out we cuddle, and kiss,

“I just need to learn a lot more about rebel you.” Shawn says “you haven’t gone soft yet. Rebel you came out today.” He also adds “yeah. It did when I said sorry princess your prince couldn’t show up.” We both laugh. “Hey wanna go to that diner eat and then leave without paying?” Shawn suggests “Shawn peter Raul mendes. I didn’t know you had a rebel side.” “You bring it out of me.” “Fuck yeah let’s do it”. We go out of the bedroom and walk down stairs “aren’t we driving?” Shawn asks “no it’s more fun if we run home. Feels like we’re running from the cops.” So we just walk to the diner. We go to that diner we order a big meal. We eat and then run out “I told you to bring a car” He says while running “I told you it would be more fun to run back home.” I say. He reaches for my hand we run home, we get inside we try to catch our breath. “That was so fun. “ we both say. “It did feel like we were running from the cops.” Shawn says “I told you.” I say while we just on the couch. We decide to go in the bedroom because we are both tired after that long run. We put our pjs on shawn turns the tv on, while I lay in bed he comes inside the warm blankets. We cuddle “I missed cuddling you. You didn’t let me cuddle you last night.” He remembered. “You remember that?” “Yeah. It hurt me so much in the morning, but I couldn’t figure out wat I did wrong.” He says I just kiss him “you did nothing wrong. It was that asshole.” “I love you.baby.” He says “I love you too baby.” He just puts he’s head in the crook of my neck and all I can remember is that we fell asleep while watching tv....

HOPE YOU LIKED IT!!!❤️❤️❤️💆🏽💁🏽🤗❤️

#shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes fanfictions #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes imagines angry #shawn mendes imagines crying #shawn mendes imagines drunk #shawn mendes fanfic drunk #shawn mendes fanfictions drunk #shawn mendes imagines rebel #shawn mendes fanfic rebel #shawn mendes imagines cheating #shawn mendes imagines jealous #shawn mendes imagines fight #shawn mendes fanfic fight #shawn mendes fanfiction fight

[mindflayedr-blog]

“What happened to us?” // Teen!Richie Tozier x Reader

I HAVEN’T BEEN ON HERE FOR SO LONG OH MY GOSH IM SORRY!!! I’ve been super busy, I hope you guys understand! 

Anyway, this was requested to me by @tapetayloe. I thought it was cute, I had to write it!! 

Summary: 

Warnings: Cussing as usual lol

(THIS IS HOW I IMAGINE TEEN RICHIE FUCCC EZRA MILLER IS SO CUTE)

Richie and Y/N had been best friends ever since kindergarten. Richie saw Y/N sitting by herself on the sandpit and he decided to join her. That was the start of their friendship. Ever since that day, they were inseparable. Not even a fucking clown could break them apart. During the disappearances, Richie, Y/N, and the rest of the losers all teamed up to fight the crackhead clown who lives underneath the Neibolt house. All was well after the big fight, but as months passed, Richie and Y/N slowly drifted apart from each other. It was gradual, they didn’t notice that slowly the hangouts stopped, the phone calls stopped and it felt as if they never knew each other in the first place. The two of them started to hangout with other people; Y/N hung out with Bill and Richie hung out with Eddie.

Junior year of high school is when it all started. Richie and Y/N would talk to each other during school since they had a lot of classes together, but they never went over to each other’s houses. Then as months passed, the two gradually stopped talking to each other. Whenever the losers hung out together, Richie would be absent whenever Y/N was able to hang out. When Y/N wasn’t able to hang out, that’s when Richie hung out with the losers.

The losers started to notice the two best friends drifting apart. Mike tried to do something about it by talking to Richie, but he quickly dismissed him saying that it wasn’t a big deal and that best friends drift apart all the time. Stan approached Y/N about the whole situation one day, but Y/N couldn’t give him an answer as to why Richie and her drifted away from each other. After Stan brought it up to her, that’s when the gears started turning for Y/N. She would sometimes lie awake at night thinking about what she’d done to Richie that caused their friendship to stop all of a sudden. Did she say something that made him upset? Did she do something that made him upset? She didn’t know the answer. She wanted to ask Richie about it, but she was afraid of the outcome. She thought that if she approached him, it would make the situation worse than it is.

Bill stood outside Y/N’s classroom, waiting for her to come out. Y/N had to talk to her Algebra teacher about her quiz score so Bill had to wait for her. After a few minutes of talking, Y/N finally came out of the classroom.

“Everything o-okay? Did you get to fix y-your q-quiz grade?” Bill asked as he walked with Y/N to the bike racks.

“Yea, it was all a mistake. I didn’t get a fifty, I actually got an eighty on the quiz.” Y/N replied with a sigh of relief. She stayed up studying with Bill for this quiz so it was impossible for her to receive such a low score.

“That’s good, I was worried that I t-taught it t-to you w-wrong.” Bill let out a sigh of relief as he took his bike out of the bike rack and got on.

“No Bill, you did perfectly fine. To be honest, you’re a much better teacher than the actual Algebra teacher.” Y/N joked which made Bill chuckle. Once Bill was on Silver, Y/N sat behind Bill. Bill then started to pedal away from the school, Y/N wrapped her arms around Bill’s waist as he pedaled.

“M-my place or y-yours?” Bill asked as they cruised around the neighborhood. Before, it was Richie who gave Y/N a ride after school but since they stopped talk to each other, Bill then gave Y/N a ride home after school. When Richie and Y/N stopped being friends, Y/N turned to Bill and the two became very close friends in no time.

“Your place, we went to mine yesterday.” Y/N replied earning a nod of approval from Bill.

It wasn’t long until the the two arrived in Bill’s house since the school wasn’t very far. Bill parked Silver by his front porch and waited until Y/N was off the Silver before he got off. The two then head to Bill’s bedroom to talk about their day, it was a routine for them by now. Y/N dropped her school bag on Bill’s floor and then proceeded to fling herself on Bill’s bed. Bill laughed as he watched his friend fall face first onto his soft bed. Bill sat on his bedroom floor and began to work on his homework while Y/N chatted away.

“I actually stood up to Brenda today, I was just tired of her shit so I told her off. Are you proud of me?” Y/N said as she hugged Bill’s soft pillow.

“I’m v-very pr-proud, good job.” Bill praised as he answered some math questions.

(This is how I imagine teen Bill dkjfnskdnfv I LOVVV COREY FOGELMANIS)

“Have you talked to Richie lately? I barely see him around anymore.” Y/N pondered as she hugged Bill’s pillow tighter. Richie barely came up in their conversations so Bill was sort of taken a back.

“Yeah, I t-talked to him ye-yesterday. He’s doing a-alright, he seemed a little d-down though. Maybe you sh-should talk to h-him.” Bill looked up at Y/N and gave her a persuading smile. Y/N quickly looked away from Bill to try and avoid his gaze. “C’mon Y/N, it’s been so l-long since you t-two talked. It’s about t-time you find out what’s going on w-with him. It’s weird to see y-you two not h-hanging out and t-talking. I’m not t-trying to p-push you away from me be-because I love ha-hanging out with you, I’m just s-saying that y-you should go t-talk to Richie.”

“I’m scared Bill.”

“Just do it, Y/N. Take my bike and go to Richie’s. P-please?”

“Fine.”

“This is fucking ridiculous Richie, tell me why you’re avoiding her again?” Eddie asked while giving Richie an eyeroll. Richie finally told Eddie the reason why he was avoiding Y/N and Eddie has never heard something so ridiculous.

“I am NEVER repeating that ever.” Richie replied as he bounced his leg nervously.

“You should just talk to her. Imagine how she feels, Richie. I bet she’s hurt, I mean you avoided her so suddenly, like that’s a dick move.”

“Shut up Eds, you’re a dick move.”

(Logan Lerman = Teen Eddie? SIGN ME THE FUCCCC UP)

“That didn’t make any sense whatsoever and can you fucking stop that?”

“I do what I wan-”

The loud and rapid knocking on Richie’s front door cut Richie off mid sentence. Eddie and Richie looked at each other in confusion. Eddie then looked out Richie’s bedroom window and saw Y/N outside standing by Bill’s bike.

“Well I gotta go, I have to help my mom with something.” Eddie suddenly said as he quickly packed up his things.

“With what? Cleaning her ass? Bye Eds.”

“Shut the fuck up honestly.” Eddie retorted as he walked out Richie’s room. Eddie didn’t want to use the front door for obvious reasons so he used Richie’s back door to get out.

“RICHIE OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR, LET’S TALK. I HAVE QUESTIONS.” Y?N yelled from the outside while knocking on Richie’s door. Richie took a deep breath and walked downstairs to open the door.

“What questions?” Richie spoke calmly as he stood in front of his door. Y/N stared at him for a few minutes before she grabbed Richie’s hand and barged inside his home. “What the fuck Y/N? What’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with you? You’ve been avoiding me for months now! It took me awhile to notice because I’m dumb but that’s besides the point!” Y/N said angrily as she dragged Richie upstairs and into his bedroom. “Now tell me why you’ve been avoiding me! It’s not fair for you to just disappear from my life like that! You’re such an asshole!” Y/N continued to hold Richie’s hand, she held his hand tighter when tears threatened to spill out of her eyes. Richie’s heart rate began to rise as Y/N continued to hold his hand. He couldn’t get his thoughts together, Richie was a mess because of Y/N.

“Answer me Richie… What happened to us?” Y/N said softly, almost in a whisper.

“BECAUSE I FUCKING LIKE YOU OKAY? YOU GOT HOT AND SUDDENLY I WAS OVERWHELMED BY FEELINGS AND WHENEVER I HUNG OUT WITH YOU, MY HANDS GET CLAMMY AND MY HEART BEATS SO FAST IT FEELS LIKE IT’S GOING TO FUCKING JUMP OUT OF MY CHEST, AND WHEN YOU TALK TO ME IT MAKES ME NERVOUS BECAUSE I CAN’T THINK STRAIGHT! FUCK Y/N WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?” Richie yelled out breathlessly leaving Y/N speechless.

Without thinking, Y/N quickly leaned in and kissed Richie. Now it was Richie’s turn to be speechless.

“I like you too idiot, why couldn’t you just tell me that?” Y/N said softly, still holding Richie’s sweaty hand.

“Because I didn’t want to ruin things with you and I was scared you’d fucking reject me or something. I mean who would like Trashmouth Tozier? Shit even I don’t like Trashmouth Tozier.”

“Well I like Trashmouth Tozier, I’ll always like Trashmouth Tozier.”

The two chuckled. The two looked at each other and time seemed to stop. The world was dead silent.

Richie cupped Y/N’s face and slowly leaned in, he didn’t know what he was doing but he continued. He then passionately kissed Y/N like she was the only girl in the world.

Once Y/N left Richie’s house, Richie quickly ran to the kitchen to call Eddie.

“EDS I KISSED Y/N AND SHE LIKES ME!” Richie yelled over the phone excitedly, his hands were shaking with excitement that he almost dropped the phone.

“Nice, Ben owes me ten dollars now.”

Y/N climbed the tree by Bill’s window to get into Bill’s room. Bill always left the window open for Y/N to climb into.

Bill watched as Y/N climbed into his bedroom. Y/N had the biggest smile on her face and Bill couldn’t help but smile.

“What happened?” Bill asked as he looked at Y/N attentively, ready to hear every single detail of what happened while she was at Richie’s.

“Richie likes me and we kissed.” Y/N replied ecstatically, she then flings herself onto Bill’s bed and rolled around while screaming in joy.

“I knew it, St-Stan and M-mike owe me now.”

“You were betting?” Y/N asked with a giggle.

“Yeah.” Bill replied while giggling also.

“Nice dude, how much?”

“Ten bucks.”

“Hell yeah, we can buy ice cream with that.”

I hope you guys enjoyed this imagine! This is my first ever Richie imagine y’all can you believe that :0

Anyway, I enjoyed writing this lol, I’ll for sure write more Richie fics in the future xx

#richie x reader #richie tozier x reader #richie tozier insert #beep beep richie #teen losers club #it x reader #it imagine #finn wolfhard x reader #bill denbrough #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #mike hanlon #stanley uris #ben hanscom #beverly marsh #the losers club #losversclubs fics #it 2017 #IT movie #2017 it #2017 it movie #teen richie tozier

[blackribbonofficialheadcanons]

Spite list: vent

Get that fucking dumbass credit card so you can leave this painful state. Bonus points if it gets uncle to shut up about it.

Get the pointless excuse slip from the doctor so you can stay in Commons (stomach+migraine) cause fuck that supervisor he can shove a whole dick up his ass.

Neuropsychologist to figure out what the fuck is wrong!

If ADHD get med to help focus? So you can get the fuck out of here and live your own goddamn life and stop feeling like you have to do what other people tell you to do.

Just get the fuck out of here.

Work for yourself! This "because I told you so" shit is really starting to piss me off and I cant continue my life like this.

I think the suicidal thoughts are coming back

I don't want them back

Sometimes i think it would be easier if i didn't exist

Why isn't that a socially acceptable option?

I don't HAVE to be here

There's nothing going wrong in my life. So why do i not want to be here? Why am i not happy?

Why do i always break from the monotony and function of "that's just how this world works"? Especially when i know it doesn't have to work like this. But it only does to spite me and people like me without concern or malice. (Which might be worse) at least if the world outright hated me then my frustration would be supported and understood.

Study up on what car you want next i guess.

Would it be worth getting that tattoo?

Do i waste my money?

I literally save most my paycheck and uncle invests a chunk. I dont spend a lot.

I waste my money.

I think i waste my time too.

Im so tired.

I sleep too much.

I don't do enough.

I make all these lists and i don't do anything on them.

I don't allow myself to be mean. Its too much trouble and only makes things worse.

Why cant I just cuss someone out just a little sometimes?

Why cant i just cry?

Im not okay sometimes

I dont think i remember that im not okay sometimes

Ill forget this tomorrow

Not "forget" but it'll be fuzzy. A statement of fact rather than a memory.

I know people love me.

I dont miss people when they're gone.

I dont fear being alone.

I fear people getting mad at me and stop loving me if they realize I don't need them.

Will they think Im heartless?

Im not.

I don't like talking

People don't like that.

I won't remember you.

People don't like that either

I'll move on and leave you behind as a pleasant phantom in my memory that ill never be able to place

I think that's fine. Preferable actually.

That thought hurts others.

Why do so many fear being forgotten and left behind?

Isn't being forgotten preferable?

I used to be motivated by spite. Now even that isn't enough

I feel like im doing something wrong. I dont know what.

Im so lucky to have my family

Im lucky to live like i do

Im lucky to not have to worry about bills and rent and resources

Im lucky i got out at all

Im lucky it wasnt as bad as it could've been

But i didnt do any of that

It was handed and given to me

Did i earn any of what i have?

I didnt earn my first car

...........

How do you earn love?

How do you earn care?

They say i worked hard for what i have.... Did I?

The easiest job ive ever had has paid the most. I like my job. I was originally told not to apply this time around.

College was the hardest and most costly. I hated it. I was pressured into it.

Should i just do what makes me happy at the risk of disappointing loved ones? Or the risk of failing horribly and burdening them with my failure and need of help?

So im passively suicidal again today. So i got something to eat and drank some water. Didnt realize it had been so long since i did either of those. I'm feeling extremely disillusioned with people and reality right now.

I cant believe some dumb bitch thought having a baby would save her marriage and now not only did she still break up now shes dead and I legally cant check out of an existence I never asked for. Like why am I forced to live in a world I was brought into against my will? I can quit a job, relationship, school, anything else at any moment in time. But I'm not allowed to quit life. That's bullshit.

Im sick of being nice all the time. Im sick of having to be the bigger person all the time. Im sick of being kind and patient until I snap and suddenly Im overreacting. And when i try to talk about the problem before i snap its always brushed off because i apparently don't act "distressed" enough.