#i am just some Fucking guy i make mistakes i have flaws you should not idolize me

[otherworldlygate]

Once again it's Regal appreciation hour by which I mean day by which I mean year by which I mean lifetime.

I was very much prepared to not write any fanfiction this year, but I cannot divorce myself from how awesome my favorite Symphonia blorbos are and so I am writing yet another stupid fanfic. I feel feral about these characters in general but Raine gets quite a lot of attention (because she's wonderful, obviously) so I don't want to focus on her too much. Regal, on the other hand, has been underappreciated in the ToS fandom since the game's release day, so I must advocate for him.

I've been RPing as him for the last year or so, and together my RP partner and I have written about 320,000 words of a story. I'm having a blast, and a big part of that is because Regal is, despite the flaws in the storytelling of ToS as a whole surrounding him (and how all of the Tethe'alla characters kind of fall flat), a rather well-conceived and implemented character. Yeah, his clothes are dumb (I'm happy to retcon that outfit with zero regrets) and the game blows through his story at such a breakneck pace he doesn't get the space or the arc he deserves (he should have taken his shackles off as part of his 'sacrifice' to fight the angels), but he is a genuinely fascinating character who feels, just like many of the others do, as if he belongs very specifically in the world he was created for.

I know a lot of people like to write him as this sad sack of shit just absolutely lost in the grief sauce (see the part about how he didn't get the arc he deserved), but I think that's a mistake. See, the biggest bump in the road for Regal was his lack of understanding of what was happening and why. When you think about it, he was faced with having to kill Alicia seemingly out of nowhere. Like one day he's just minding his business and the next Alicia is gone and very quickly after that she's a monster trying to kill him AND HE HAS NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON. He has no answers. All he knows is that he killed her, and his autistic* brain latches onto that detail because it's all he has.

You have to think, too, about the fact that the game gives him nobody. His parents are dead. George, the only person even remotely close to Regal--someone he's known his *whole life*--betrayed him. (George didn't mean for things to go Like That and he's sorry he did it, but HE STILL DID IT.) Regal doesn't have friends and the extra material makes it clear that he was literally raised, specifically by his father, to be a workaholic. Do you think anyone came to see him in prison? He fought in a coliseum for his life for YEARS. He was on friendly terms with some of the other inmates but the guy had eight years to just sit there and get stuck in the loop of knowing he killed the one person he'd let himself get even remotely close to.

Which is something else people always downplay for some reason. The shit with Alicia isn't just "guy is sad because he killed his girlfriend." It's very much, "guy was born and bred to take on the family legacy" except in this case the family legacy is a company, an island, a noble bloodline, and also the absolutely insane idea that work and profit is all that matters. Everyone else is out to get you. Keep the workers dissatisfied but keep them hooked just enough that they'll never leave. Take no time for fun or friends or merriment. Everything in your life is a business transaction. Don't ever forget it. It's us vs. them. You're alone and you have to make this your entire life or it'll all fall to pieces and it will be your fault.

The drama cd in particular really honed in on that way of being raised and it makes his entire character make complete sense. At a relatively young age his father died and he ended up on top (though it's stated he had to work as a CEO before he was elected via a board to the position of President). Having no other guidelines other than what he was taught--and what George himself adhered to--Regal followed that path...until he ended up miserable, because, despite the way he was raised, he's a goddamn empath**.

After literal YEARS of occasionally running into Alicia and talking to her, he starts forming a connection to her--which is important because he's never allowed himself to do this before. And at one point he realizes he doesn't even know her name...which comes as a surprise to him...and brings with it shame. After this, he starts living for himself. He listens to his employees--something his father never did. He starts enacting rules to protect his employees, particularly from things that would hurt them in the field, because part of what was making him so miserable was wrestling with the empathy of their terrible working conditions on top of just hearing his father's manta repeating itself in his head all the time.

I cannot stress enough how important this is. Alicia, despite being a love interest and someone he was interested in seriously dating and perhaps someday marrying (the details of their relationship are never known but it's almost more tragic if they were just starting to be serious), WAS STILL HIS EMPLOYEE.

He was supposed to protect his employees. He was doing so much to ensure his employees would be safe. And then he killed Alicia.

Alicia, the one person he allowed himself to get close to.

Now, consider the fact that he was raised as a tool and not a beloved son; he was not allowed to have friends and not allowed to make merry. He was under his father's thumb until his father's untimely death--a death, by the way, that only surprised him with its suddenness; he did not grieve that man!! Regal, as a 25-year-old man, had ZERO coping mechanisms. All he had was the truth he was raised under and the fact that he went against that truth AND WAS NOW BEING PUNISHED FOR IT. How can someone like this think of anything except that they are the reason George was put in a position where he had to get rid of Alicia? That the only reason Alicia was experimented on and turned into a monster was because of her connection to Regal?

IT MAKES ME FEEL SO FERAL!!!

The events of the game open his eyes to the ACTUAL truth, to what actually happened AND WHY IT HAPPENED TO ALICIA. In the end he learns he had NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. If he had not befriended and started falling for Alicia, she still would have died--it's just, if she hadn't had a more direct connection to Regal, who knows where she might have met her end. Alone, forgotten? At least someone knew her as she was; at least someone can tell Presea the kind of person her sister was.

The ToS fandom has always loved joking about how Regal's just into punishment as a kink or whatever (and I'll never forgive the shitty non-canon-in-my-heart sequel for leaning so hard into that angle, fuck you fuck you fuck you) but let's be serious about it for a hot second. Yes, I think learning this information puts him on a better path, but you can't erase 8 years of self-loathing and fear instantly. Did you guys really think this man would just forget about the darkest years of his life and start frolicking in fields of flowers?

The trauma he's endured goes so much deeper than "I killed the person I loved," and boiling it down to that really does the character a disservice. The "born for a specific purpose, not allowed to exist outside of that purpose" bit is also given to Colette and Zelos, but while their role is being a sacrifice whose only use is dying or procreating to continue the line to have more sacrifices (absolutely also traumatizing btw), Regal's situation feels a lot more like indoctrinated religion and, very specifically (and no I am not kidding), religious trauma. Again, he endured that very controlled lifestyle complete with a mantra from birth into his early 20s, and the MOMENT he broke away from it too far, his life came crashing down around him in a very painful and traumatizing way.

Now, you might think the religious trauma parallel is unfounded, if not also the indoctrinated religion aspect of it, it could just as easily be a parallel for an abusive and controlling relationship, right down to the betrayal from someone who is supposed to have your best interests at heart the moment you step outside of that control to the feelings of shame and self-loathing and "you did this to yourself."

So whenever I see people joking about what a sad sack of shit he is or whatever, I'm just astounded, especially if it's coming from someone who loves literally any other character in the game. Like, you'll definitely have your blorbos, and I totally understand if Regal just ain't it for you, but I find it really disconcerting that someone might find (for example) Yuan's trauma deeply meaningful but see Regal's as stupid or silly.

I'm pretty sure I started this post to talk about how easy it is for me to RP as Regal because he's just such a great character to sink into and write about, particularly because I like to imagine that, starting in the post-game, he deeply regrets some of the choices he's made in his life, and, rather than lean into the things that have already transpired, he seeks to do what he can to better the world around him with the resources and power that he has.

It's like the ultimate fuck-you to the way his father raised him. He's not wasting the skills he's developed, but he's also not using them to hurt people or for personal or Lezareno profit.

I think most of us love writing about characters who have to work through their trauma, but there's an extra layer here that I particularly enjoy with Regal. With Raine I'm all about her inability to trust easily and her struggle to feel truly comfortable around other people, but with Regal I think it's maybe specifically related to the fact that he has had a lot handed to him that he didn't necessarily want, and his self-sacrificing nature lends itself to him feeling obligated to take it. I fully believe Regal would be happier and better off stepping away from Lezareno and from his family's toxic ass legacy*** (or at least not working it full-time as the acting President) but I can't ignore the fact that...these things are all he has and all he knows. So writing about him attempting to get back into the swing of things, maybe struggling to find time for himself, falling into workaholic patterns by mistake, learning to set boundaries between his private life and his job...all while not being fully satisfied and finding more fulfillment in charity work and other pursuits, just makes him feel like a very well-rounded character. Like...it's believable that he would continue to work a job he didn't particularly love specifically because not only does he not know anything else, but he knows with this position of power he can make a lot of things happen that would be impossible if he just twiddled his thumbs on the sidelines--like financial assistance going to Palmacosta, or his duties as a nobleman to try to get better laws passed in Tethe'alla, etc.

This was a pretty clumsily-written post and for that I am truly sorry. I've just been absolutely insane lately thinking about Regal and I had to get some of why I think he's such a wonderful character out into the world.

:)

*this is just my headcanon but a lot about Regal screams autism to me.

**this is canon as far as I'm concerned. I wrote him this way far before I ever heard the drama cd, and the drama cd just solidified it for me tenfold.

***there's a scene in the hotel with Lloyd I think where Regal says his family's legacy on Altamira started when Tethe'alla flipped over to being a flourishing world last, which means they were in a position of power great enough to build an empire on Altamira already at that time (800+ years ago). I don't want to get into how awful this probably was or how evil the family was because I think you can all imagine that for yourselves. Also, nobody ever mentions the fact that Regal is the last of his family line, but it's a very convenient built-in control tactic to guilt someone into doing as they're told or risk bringing shame to a family that's been going strong and unbroken for over 1,000 years.

#regal bryant #tales of symphonia meta #tales of symphonia

[quantumshade]

so many people completely miss the point of the doctor's character arc in series 8 it's nuts. it's not about him being a "darker" or more morally ambiguous version of the character. the doctor has ALWAYS been morally ambiguous; that is a consistent character trait across all regenerations. it's about him feeling crushed under the pressure of an expectation of him to be a "hero", and the culmination of this arc is him saying onscreen "i am Literally Just a Guy and you should treat me as such"

#the whooooole point is that he's not a hero and the fact that everyone expects him to be all the time is really hard on him #especially as he's settling in to this new version of himself #i am just some Fucking guy i make mistakes i have flaws you should not idolize me #which is directly antithetical to a lot of stuff in 11's era #in a way that i really love #also ''dark'' is not. how i would describe 12's personality in a thousand years #he has dark MOMENTS like every other doctor does #but the marketing at the time and the initial fan interpretation of the series caused a lot of people to misunderstand his character arc #and his personality; even to this day #almost ten years later #doctor who #twelfth doctor #delia.txt

[tarotwithavi]

Random messages for you from your future lover/future spouse

18+ messages in some piles

How to choose a pile?

Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Kindly ask your spirit guides to show you the right pile for yourself and then open your eyes. Whichever pile catches your attention is the right pile for you.

These pictures belong to their rightful owners.

Masterlist

Paid services

Pile 1

"I want to bite your neck and leave my mark there"

"I love the way you walk"

"you look absolutely gorgeous from behind"

"God really took his sweet time creating the masterpiece in front of me"

"I want to worship every part of your body"

"all the lonely nights were worth waiting for you"

"In your arms, I have found my home."

"With you, love is not just a destination but a beautiful journey"

"I will buy you every book you like, but there's a price you must pay"

"In a world of billions, you're the only that makes time stand still"

"The darkness inside me is really to consume you, however I am scared of the consequences"

"If you had any idea about what I want to do to you, you wouldn't be standing here challenging me"

"I want to know everything about you, your likes, dislikes, what makes you happy, what makes you sad, every fucking thing"

"Your whispered desires set my soul on fire"

Pile 2

"You think you can run away from me love?"

"I crave you, I desire you, I want you. In. every. way."

"I love the way you look right now. You don't need to change anything"

"You're flawless. People who find flaws in you are blind"

"tie your hair up. Show me your neck"

"Your presence lights up my darkest night"

"You can literally sell me poison and I will buy that in gallons from you"

"Your acne scars correspond to the craters on the moon. They make you even more beautiful to me"

"You look so f-able in my hoodie"

"You can be my black cat and I can be your golden retriever"

"I will never force my beliefs on you"

"You look magical in that dress"

"I don't want other guys to be close to you, to touch you, I know it's selfish but it's something I can't help but feel. You make you go crazy over you"

"You're like a Siren, alluring me with your voice, enchanting me with your appearance and making me want to do things that are not so pure"

Pile 3

"You are so pure so innocent. I feel like I will taint you with my darkness"

"Some things are better as secrets"

"Do. Not. Provoke Me. You'll not be able to handle it"

"I am not that type of person who dreams of getting married on the first date. But something about makes me feel I should wife you up, like right now.

"I want to see a mini you or/and mini merunning around in our house"

"Do you mind if I ruin your lipstick right now?"

"can you see hearts floating around above my head? No? *Gets heart shaped balloons from God knows where, puts them above their head* Can you see them now?

"With you, even the simplest moments become cherished memories"

"I crave the taste of your lips and the touch of your skin, you are my sweetest addiction"

"With you, time flies by like a shooting star, leaving behind a trail of cherished memories"

"Don't leave me. I have loved you too much to be separated from you.

"You make flowers bloom in my heart just from the thought of you"

Pile 4

"I will work hard for you. I will work hard for us"

"To be honest I will let you step on me"

"Our future is so bright together mama"

"In your arms, time loses its meaning, and all that matters is our love."

"How long do you want me to wait for you? 1 month? 6 months? 1 year? 5 years? A decade? I will wait for you if it means that I can be with you even for a minute"

"I will never judge you for your past. We all make mistakes and it's fine. As long as you don't repeat the same mistake"

"You feel like chopping off your hair? Go ahead, do it. I bet on my left nut you will look good in every hairstyle"

"What makes you think that I wouldn't eat your snacks? Am I not human? Or Do I not have taste buds"

"In the heat of our passion, time fades away, leaving only the intoxicating blend of our souls"

"Your touch ignites a fire within me, and I crave the taste of your lips on mine"

"Baby I am preying on you tonight, hunt you down, eat you alive"

#tarot reading #tarot cards #pick a card #free readings #free tarot #tarot #pick a pile #tarotblr #pick a picture #pick a photo #love reading #future spouse reading #future lover #18+ readings #love tarot reading #oracle reading #psychic readings #intuitive readings #tarotwithavi #future spouse #tarot community #tarot witch

[thatiranianphantom]

Yeah, I think Toni sucks, and here's why.

Okay, god, finally. I have been dancing around this for so long, and am finally expanding on this.

The kid gloves that subsets of the fandom treat Toni with, the carte blanche, the absolutely free pass that she gets for things other characters would have been raked over the coals for murders me.

And that's kinda the main issue? None of these characters are without flaw. I'm certainly not claiming they are. Just about all of them have done some pretty fucked up things in the course of the show, and been rightfully called out by both the show and the fandom for it. Except Toni. Toni, for some reason, gets absolutely no consequences from fandom or show.

And make no mistake, Toni has done some shitty things too, including but not limited to....

Kissing a guy she KNEW had just broken up with his ex and was clearly vulnerable and heartbroken. Imagine if Toni had been a guy doing that to a girl? That was not okay.

Being extremely rude to Betty in earlier seasons for no reason (the kids are not their parents is kinda the entire theme of the earlier seasons?), but apparently Cheryl and Veronica are fine?

Jughead being persona non grata when he gets back, but the Serpents are totally cool with Archie!

The fact that she and Fangs got married on what was entirely a lie, a lie that she told that determined the custody of their son?

The fact that Kevin the social worker's concerns about *deep sigh* Baby Anthony's safety were, you know....not unreasonable?

The fact that she was unwilling to have the baby take a DNA test to acknowledge what could very possibly have been the baby's biological father?

Using she and Cheryl's past relationship to coerce a LOT of money from a very unwell Cheryl.

Asking her ex to come to her bachelor party, and worse, to officiate her wedding? Her ex that was expressing feelings for her not a year ago? Even if unintentional, that borders on cruel to Cheryl.

Again, have all characters done shitty things? Absolutely! And they've been called out for it, and faced consequences for it, as they should have. But Toni still seems to come out consequence free. Nobody is willing to criticize her, and that makes her a pretty intolerable character to me. Not a fan of unchecked self-righteousness in a character. And remember, if Betty or Cheryl had done anything like this, we'd STILL be getting asks about, telling us what a shitty person they are. Call me insane, but I am not willing to treat Toni with the kid gloves that nobody else seems to get.

#Riverdale #Seriously come at me #This is a hill I'm very willing to die on #People will write essays about how much Cheryl sucks and Toni gets off scot free #Nah miss me with that

[musicprincess1990]

I always tell other authors to write at their own pace, write what they feel is best for their story, and not to worry about the readers, they'll be delighted with whatever they get. It seems I'm not very good at taking my own advice, though.

I feel like a failure every time I delay a chapter. Like I'm letting everybody down, and that all my readers are secretly, silently irritated with me. And logically I know that's not the case, but it is so hard to ignore that little voice in the back of my head. The one that tells me that I'm not a good writer, that no one really wants to read my work, that I'm completely useless and should just stop writing altogether.

That little voice is a bitch. I hate her.

Why, then, do I keep listening to her? I don't know. I guess because I'm so used to hearing her squawking in my ear about my flaws and mistakes. Or because I'm generally predisposed to be hard on myself.

All of this is to say, I'm a bit of a hypocrite... though I guess the "good" news is that it's not hurting anyone but me... but I'm going to try and be better. I know I'm a good writer, despite what the bitch in my head tries to tell me, and I have a wonderful group of strangers on the internet who really like my work. Seriously, you guys are the best.

The results of my poll are in. There weren't a whole lot of votes (which is fine), but those that did vote, along with those who left comments on Ao3, are overwhelmingly in favor of not starting over with Chapter 13 of I Know No Other Way. And I'm going to honor that, so the chapter will not disappear. I am, however, going to do some serious editing. As a result, I may also be late on Chapter 14, depending on how long the editing takes, and how frustrating it ends up being.

But I will keep writing, make no mistake. One bad week aside, it's one of my greatest joys, and I am not about to pack it all in because of an imaginary Karen shouting abuse at me in my head.

Thank you all so much for being supportive and so, so kind to me. ❤️

(Oh, and Imaginary Karen? FUCK OFF.)

#self reflection #my writing #thank you #you guys rock #chapter 13 #edits ahead #will post a new link when they're done

[augment-techs]

Six-Word Starter Prompts (part I)

Watching quietly from every door frame.

Catholic school backfired. Sin is in!

Savior complex makes for many disappointments.

Nobody cared, then they did. Why?

Some cross-eyed kid, forgotten then found.

Born in the desert. Still thirsty.

I asked. They answered. I wrote.

No future, no past. Not lost.

Joined army. Came out. Got booted.

Almost a victim of my family.

The psychic said I'd be richer.

Painful nerd kid, happy nerd adult.

Fourteen years old, story untold.

One long train ride to darkness.

Wolf! She cried. No one listened.

I'm my mother and I'm fine.

All day I dream about sex.

I still make coffee for two.

I like girls. Girls like boys.

Never should have bought that ring.

Stranded by ten-thousand-mile crush.

Time heals all wounds? Not quite.

Made a mess. Cleaned it up.

Says deaf boyfriend: You're too quiet.

My family is overflowing with therapists.

Boy, if I had a hammer.

Followed white rabbit, became black sheep.

Followed Yellow Brick Road. Disappointment ensued.

Nerdy girl smutmonger. Now, baby fever.

Recent doctorate means overeducated and underemployed.

Taking a lifetime to grow up.

Bad breaks discovered at high speed.

In the office. It smells here.

I am trying, in every regard.

Happiest when ignoring huge financial debt.

Not pretty enough, so now unemployed.

Mistakes were made, but smarter now.

Likes everything too much to choose.

Curly haired sad kid chose fun.

Now I blog and drink wine.

Egomaniac with inferiority complex defies odds.

I thought I was someone else.

Dancing for now, one day farming.

I grew and grew and grew.

Starving artist. Lucky break. Life downhill.

The Hustle: turn champion into sucker.

I was born 'some assembly required.'

I drank to much last night.

Took scenic route, got a date.

I like big butts, can't lie.

I'm enjoying even this downward dance.

Without ideas, intelligence could not exist!

I hope I outlive my regrets.

All night phone calls complete me.

Tragic childhood can lead to wisdom.

Which comes first: tequila or accident?

A sundress will solve life's woes.

I recognize red flags faster, now.

I sucked even the lobster legs.

Nothing profound, I just sat around.

Others left early: he continued cooking.

Quiet guy; please pay closer attention.

I sell hamburgers and french fries.

the shit invariably hits the fan

and he nerded as never before

tow truck drivers are my psychiatrists

should have used condom that time

infinite calm beset with emotional architecture

won the fight; lost the girl

slightly psychotic, in a good way

found true love after nine months

Afraid of everything. Did it anyway.

I wrote it all down somewhere

lost and found, rescued by dog

afraid of becoming like my mother

What the hell. Might as well.

Hexed: curse of the happy childhood.

Can't tonight, watching Law & Order

my life's a bunch of almosts

It's not you. It's me. Honest.

Thought I would have more impact

this is aggression in pink, bitch

oh, to have just one puff!

at the end of Normal Street

found great happiness in insignificant details

spent life looking for dead people

enjoying my fuck ups too much

an unusual turn of gender circumstances

hiding in apartment knitting against depression

they kissed me and said yes!

always dreamt of kissing pretty girls

everyone who loved me is dead

it was embarrassing, don't ask

Verbal hemophilia. Why can't I clot?

the car accident changed my life

burned my bridges and my britches

Batteries are cheap. Who needs men?

Clueless meets Ophelia, without the suicide.

anything possible--but I was tired

I ate, drank, and was hairy

still have not learned to swim

glass half full; pockets half empty

you are all in my imagination

school geek married a luscious cheerleader

I couldn't protect me from myself

aspiring lady pirate, disillusioned, sells boat

I was and now I'm not.

oh sweet nectar of life, coffee

no shit I'm critical--you're flawed

It's pretty high. You go first.

Wasn't noticed so I painted trains.

running away: best decision I made

when she proposed, I said yes

Nobody knows how I have suffered.

Dweeb, pussy...stronger than anyone knows.

too many lovers--too little time

couldn't cope so I wrote songs

long lost girl recently found, unharmed

born a twin, died a loner

It was worth it, I think.

Dorothy Gale had the right idea

take a left turn, then fly

I was never the pretty one

born at 23, childhood doesn't count

memory was my drug of choice

gay physician designed life-saving AIDS drugs

never lived up to my potential

never really finished anything, except cake

cursed with cancer; blessed with friends

crappy parents killed my self esteem

lonely artist turned waitress in love

my life is just like yours

lucky in everything else except love

I'm just here for the beer

With three cats I'm never unloved

came, saw, conquered, had second thoughts

the weather up here is better

baby dyke now raising two babies

Stoned. Boned. Where am I now?

town car, tailored suit, dirty nails

I fell far from the tree

the image was large with silence

after you jump, the net appears

I colored outside the lines

should not have eaten those mushrooms

Wanked furiously. Married. Furious no more.

even the quietest sounds make noise

many hands have kept me afloat

all of my students hate me

I managed not to destroy anything.

#source: not quite what I was planning: six-word memoirs by famous and obscure writers #writing prompts #sentence starters #GIMME #boom! comics power rangers #power rangers in general

[soyouthinkucanwrite]

I can be your mirror - Daniel Ricciardo smut!

You feel insecure when you see his ex's instagram and Daniel decides to show you why you don't need to be

Warnings: smut! unprotected sex, low self esteem, etc

You were just chilling in the hotel bed, scrolling through your phone while Daniel finished taking a shower. It was Thursday night in Hungary, and media day was relatively calm (all eyes were still on Max and Lewis, after the whole Silverstone incident).

Your relationship was still new, you guys had just went public a couple months ago, and you liked that you were still discovering things about each other everyday, like how he prefers his eggs in the morning or that small scar under your chin he just noticed yesterday. Yet, some things weren't as fun to find out, like what his exes looked like.

A few fan accounts had started following you, including some F1 WAGs accounts, and you followed some of them back - you wanted to the updated, after all (or at least that's what you told yourself). The thing is, comparisons were inevitable to you - no matter how much you tried to be reasonable, low self esteem was always an issue to you. When a WAGs account posted about Daniel's ex hanging around in the paddock today and how cute her outfit was, you quickly found yourself clicking on the tag and stalking her ig. Perfect. Fucking perfect. You just have to set your own heartbreak up, don’t you? If at least you could let life do that, but no, you had to go and fall for the guy with the instagram models as his exes. You smiled ironically to yourself.

"Did you see Max shutting down that reporter on the press conference today?" Daniel said walking out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his torso and another drying his hair. You quickly locked your phone and looked up, startled like a kid caught with their hands on the cookie jar.

"Hum?" you asked him.

“What were you looking at?” he grinned you, throwing himself on the bed and sitting by your side.

“Nothing” you answered quickly, looking away.

“Don’t be like that. Tell me” he asked again, nudging you with his head.

“It’s nothing Dan, just silly old instagram”

“You wanna know one of the things I love most about you?” He asked before continuing. “You don’t really have filters. And even when you try to hide what you’re thinking, your face and body gives you away” He said. “That’s why you’re so perfect, you’re genuine” he touched your nose with his. “Let’s be honest with each other. Tell me what’s going on in there” Then he tried to lighten the mood saying "Can't be shirtless pictures of me that got you smirking, cause here I am in the flesh for you" you rolled your eyes but smiled at him.

“I’m laughing at myself” You said and he just looked at you, waiting for you to continue. “I’m setting myself up for heartbreak, more and more, and it’s just like me”

“What you’re talking about?”

“Please don’t say it’s stupid” you said before continuing. “You’re like, a rock star… fast cars, VIP, supermodels… these stuff are routine for you, you have the most interesting life. And you could have any girl. And your exes are like movie stars, fucking supermodels, and I'm not sure how much longer till you realize that and just, you know” you said gesturing to yourself and waving your fingers in front of your throat like who says 'abort mission'.

"I should know better, I really should and this might be nothing, but the deeper we get in this, the harder it's to wrap my own head around it and it’s so stupid, but how can anyone compete with that?” You weren’t making any sense, you knew and he was looking at you with his eyebrows raised and lips pressed, like he was holding a smile. “I’m rambling, forget I said anything it's so stupid” You said hiding your face behind your hand.

“I thought you said it wasn’t stupid” He said opening up a smirk and you opened your fingers to look at him. He pulled your hand down. “But you’re right, it is fucking stupid, because there’s no competing with you. I don’t care if I have to repeat that a thousand times for you to believe me, I mean…you had to have a flaw, huh?” You turned your head to the side. “This insecurity of yours, that you’re not good enough, it’s just the most crazy thing ever. Because I feel exactly the same. I’m the one that’s not good enough for you. You’re so smart, and good and you actually do good in the world. I’m just the lucky bastard that got picked to drive in circles around the world”

“You know that’s bullshit” You said.

“I’m serious. This whole stuff, fame, whatever… doesn’t mean anything. It’s just not real. I’m glad I realized that when I did” you were watching him intently. “Racing, challenging myself, working with the team, you... what we have, those are the stuff that are real to me, what really matters".

"Okay" you nodded agreeing.

"If you must to know, the reason why I didn’t work out with anybody else, it’s because we were never more than fuck buddies. Those girls are great fun, but they're more worried about showing than being, you know? And I’m not really interested in talking about them because it doesn’t mean anything, but I’ll tell you anything you ask me” You were dying to ask him more, to know every little details and to learn from their mistakes, but you knew you’d become obsessed with comparing yourself to them and didn’t he just tell you he wasn’t interest in anything about it?

“Sorry” you said quietly.

“What for?”

“Being a nag. Killing the mood” he smiled.

“Don’t-” “you-” “dare-” He kissed your face in between every word. “apologizing-” “for-” “your-” “feelings” he pulled away and looked at you. “Specially not to me. I meant it, let’s be honest, huh?” you nodded smiling back at him. “And if I’m ever a dick, please tell me before screw things up. This is not nothing, okay?”

“Okay”

“And I’m flattered you think I could have any girl” he said grinning. “I mean, I AM pretty hot, but-”

“Shut up. You know I’m right”

“Maybe any girl who cares about that stuff, and my amazing six pack” he says laughing and kissing you.

“And hard butts” you replied laughing and reaching to squeeze his, playfully.

“And hard butts” he agreed, rolling so he was on top of you.

“Those girls are usually the hottest”

“Do you honestly don’t have a mirror at home?” he said pulling away slightly from you. “It’s okay baby” he said in your ear, lifting your shirt over your head, then nibbling at your earlobe, making you moan. “I can be your mirror” he said in a low voice, taking your hands over your head and pinning them with his own.

Then he used his knees to push your legs apart. You were following his face, trying to kiss his mouth but he was holding you down, his lips barely touching your skin now, him hovering over your neck, your collarbone, your exposed breasts. You were squirming now, trying to get some release. He just wouldn’t let you have any yet.

“You have the most amazing skin” he begin saying. “So soft” he looked up to you, you had your eyes closed now. “The most amazing boobs. Fucking perfect tits, so round… and these perking nipples, so hard when you’re turned on” his lips touched your breasts lightly, barely.

“Your hair always smells so good, it’s the perfect frame for your perfect face” He went up again and kissed your lips, biting them lightly and dragging them out. “I love your lips, I love how plumped they are. I’m kind of jealous actually” he chuckled and you opened your eyes rolling them. “And those eyes. Fuck, I know it’s the first thing anyone notices about you, isn’t it? Are you sick of it by now? So big and green. I love seeing them rolling back when you come” he brought one hand down, pulling your pijama pants down and holding both of your hands up with only one of his. “I’m getting there in a minute” he said grabbing your pussy. “I just want to tell you about your ass first” he said sliding his hand through your hips until he reached your ass, grabbing it then releasing to give it a slap. You let out a yelp. “You in the mood for a little rough love?” he slapped you again and you smiled through your moan, this is so hot. And the best part of it was that no one else knew this side of his, just you. It's petty yeah, but you decided to indulge yourself in that thought.

“I love your ass, I swear I was trying to be respectful today, but you were such a tease, on those little shorts, made me hard as soon as you walked in the paddock” he went down to suck your left boob in his mouth and you were so sensitive you couldn’t help but moan, loudly. “Yeah baby, let me hear you. Let everyone hear you” He said releasing your boob and nibbling at it. “I saw how the guys were staring at your ass today. Fuckers, couldn’t help themselves. Let them stare…as long as they know who you belong to” he said leaning down to suck on your other boob. “Tell me who you belong to” his voice was so low.

“Uh…you” You were a moaning mess.

“Huh?”

“You, Daniel! I’m yours”

“That’s right”

“Please” you begged.

“What is it? What you what baby?” he whispered against your skin.

“Touch me, please”

“But I am touching you baby” he said and you heard the smirk in his voice. “Oh, I see what you mean… you want me to touch your pussy?”

“Yeah” you nodded. At the same time this was torture, it felt so, so good.

“This fucking perfect cunt of yours” he said sliding two fingers through your lips and opening them to spread you to him, you were soaking wet and pulsating, clenching around nothing. “Fuck, look at this” He said almost to himself, licking his lips. Then he slid his fingers in, curling them up, making a ‘come here’ motion. He dipped his head down, kissing the inside of your leg, then right over your clit, taking it in between his lips and sucking. You moaned loudly. “Oh sorry baby… you wanted it rough, huh?” he sucked your clit harder, then bit on it lightly. You could scream at how much pleasure he was giving you.

“Fuck! Oh my god Dan” He started to tease you with another finger meanwhile.

“Think you can take another one?” his words sending vibrations against you and making you forget how to form words. “I know you can, you take me so well. Such a good girl for me” he inserted another finger and started to pump them in and out of you faster. “So fucking tight. Can’t wait to feel you around me. That’s my favorite place you know? Buried deep inside your cunt” that was it, you came, hard. Arching your back and hips, Daniel releasing your hands to push you down and hold you there while you came and he kept sucking and licking and biting your clit. You couldn’t take anymore, you pushed him away, pulling his hair.

“Can’t-” You tried to say. “Dan”

“Yes, you can. Come here” He said pulling away and lifting you, dragging you out of the bed and into the bathroom, the rest of your clothes and his towel getting lost in the way. He pushed you against the sink, pulling your face up, making you look at yourself on the mirror. He was pressing against you from behind, his cock leaking in between your legs. “I want you to see what I see” he said staring at you through the mirror. “Gonna fuck you so good, you don’t ever forget how fucking perfect you are” and with that he slammed inside you. “Fucking-” he had one hand on your hair and the other around you, between your folders, massaging your clit. “Fucking heaven, taking me so good”

“Ah Dan” You screamed. He started to fuck you hard and fast, pushing you against the sink. You lifted your head and looked at the mirror, it was the most erotic thing you’ve ever seen. Daniel was dripping sweat, thrusting with perfect precision. His eyes were locked on yours and you knew he was as close as you. The thought of how deep the connection between you were at that moment made you clench again and he lost it, giving you one final thrust and a guttural groan. You came again, shaking more than ever, the feeling too much this time. “I can’t-” You tried to say again. “Too much-” Squeezing him over and over, so he pulled out, still spilling, making a mess over your legs and on the bathroom floor. He was still holding you though.

“I’m right here baby. Right here” He whispered on you ear from behind. You both were riding out your orgasms, rocking slightly, your body leaned on the sink, pressing your boobs against it, and he leaning over you, breathing hard.

After you both calmed down, you tried to move but his weight was too much. You let out a weak laugh and he moved. “Sorry” he said kissing your back. When you got up, you turned to him and kissed him lightly.

“You are-” You said against his lips “amazing”. And kissed him again, lovinly. “Thank you. You make me feel so good, Daniel. Let me take care of you now”

Daniel's POV

This woman is trying to kill me. “Baby I don’t think I have it in me-” “Not like that” she smiled. “I meant with a bath” she said gesturing to the bathtub.

“Yes, please” I said already opening the tap and letting the water run. She went back to the room and returned with a water bottle, taking a sip before passing it to me. I took it from her hand and almost finished it, before giving it back to her.

“Do they have any bubbles? Bath salts?” she asked.

“Hum…I don’t think so, baby” I answered looking around on the sink.

“That’s fine” she smiled, getting in the tub and motioning for me to sit in between her legs. Her hair was up in a knot, but some of it was clinging to her neck due to the sweat. She was so beautiful, I can’t believe she wants me.

“You don’t want me to stay behind you?” she shook her head smiling and I did as she asked, leaning on her. The tap was still running, filling the tub with hot water, while we two of us just soaked in there, relaxing. “This is nice,” I said while she ran her hands through my hair. When the tub was full enough, she turned off the water and applied some body wash on my skin, running her hand over my back and shoulders, it felt so good, so comfortable, like I didn’t have a worry in the world. Then I washed her legs around me, kissing her feet and calves and making her giggle. She kept massaging my shoulders. We stayed there for good while, half an hour? More or less? There’s nothing else in the world other than this bathroom anyway, so who cares?

“Can we stay here forever?” She asked me after a while, kissing behind my neck. I just hummed in response. “Actually, scratch that. I’m getting hungry. And thirsty”

“The limitations of the human body” I said jokingly but got out of the tub after a few minutes. If m’lady wants to eat, I’m getting her food. I dried myself, wrapping a towel around me and holding hers open for her to step out of the tub.

We went back to the room, she picked her clothes from the floor and put them away in her travel bag back inside the closet. I watched as she got a fresh pair of underwear and a clean bra, while I put on boxers and sweatpants. She wore some leggings that hugged her ass perfectly, what a view. I noticed her going through her bag, probably looking for a shirt but I just wanted her to wear some clothing of mine, so I took the hoodie I was going to wear and passed it to her. She smiled and accepted it, it looked oversized on her and covered her ass, but maybe that’s a good thing, I don’t need anyone thirsting over what’s mine, I don’t care how much of a prick that makes me sound.

"Do you wanna order or go out to eat?" I asked her.

"Let's just go downstairs, to the restaurant?"

"Yeah, that's fine" I say and peck her lips.

I put on a sweatshirt, and hold the door open for her. We walk out and the temperature was a bit colder out here in the hallway (or maybe it was just too hot inside the room), so I just take her hand and intertwine our fingers, passing my arms around her and holding her closer. I just love that I can do that whenever I want.

And I plan on doing that for the rest of my life.

#Daniel Ricciardo #daniel ricciardo smut #daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo imagine #daniel ricciardo fanfic #formula one #formula one fanfiction

[yaraaflor]

i am sooooo fucking tired of fandoms treating female characters like they are perfect badass goddesses who do no wrong and just clean up the male characters' messes. like it is honestly so unfair to them, female characters deserve to have interesting personalities including flaws, and should be able to make mistakes and even fail sometimes. it's an incredibly obvious symptom of both girlboss feminism and the misogynistic/fetishistic way that online fandom focuses on male characters and m/m relationships (canonical or not.) and what kills me is that you can't always blame it on the original content's misogyny either. sure lots of media is sexist and has shallow female characters. but i have also seen MANY female characters, who are canonically complex and imperfect, be reduced to boringly perfect support characters who are right about everything, so the focus can be put on "complex" male characters and/or m/m relationships in content created for fandom (fic, art, etc.) you guys are allowed to have your faves and focus on them in your own creations, but GOD would it kill you to do some basic research on a female character and give her a tiny bit of depth in your interpretation??

#this happens SO often in SO many fandoms #but rn i am thinking about batfam in particular and barbara gordon even more in particular. #YES recent portrayals of babs have been very flawed and very girlboss-y #but jesus. read some older comics and you'll see she's IMMENSELY complex #and has also done some not perfect things!!!! #but people think lightly critiquing a female character is sexist for some reason #(case in point mcu fans about carol) #(or wanda who is a fucking mess in the mcu) #and also fans seem to think hm if i make a quick portrayal of a female character and say she's such a goddess #that excuses me from having to think about her again #UGH its the worst... #my post #fandom #batfam #barbara gordon #not just babs tho literally SO many other characters not trying to call her out #like dc is particularly bad about this w diana too

[jjkyaoi]

Hey, hi, hello, there’s a couple things I’m boutta let out that’s dsmp related, and if you don’t agree w/ it that’s fine, I’m just sick of seeing the same shit repeated over & over. So, take this. (I’ll probably private it anyways.)

(Some possible sensitive subjects.)

1. People shitting on Tommy for choosing L’manberg, saying it’s “just a bunch of buildings over his family”. Because, if you would’ve watched his POV you would’ve understood that L’manberg has never been “just a bunch of buildings” to him; it’s been the people. It’s been the people he’s fought for the country w/, his friends and his family — this community is what he cares about, not the fucking structures or the caravan or fucking. Any of this. He has laid this out; he has made this obvious. Him choosing L’manberg over Techno was heartbreaking, yes, but when he did that he wasn’t choosing the buildings or the structure over Techno, he was choosing his friends because he snapped out of it — he was realizing how much he was hurting this community of people he cared so much about, and he didn’t want to take his bad experiences out on them. He did it for Tubbo, specifically, because when he said “the disks mattered more than you ever did”? It clicked to him who he was becoming — he was hurting the people he loved the most. He didn’t want to do that anymore. So no, he didn’t chose the buildings or the structures of L’manberg in its entirely over Techno, he chose to better himself and he chose this community of people that he cares about, despite everything. He chose not to be a villain. And i think that’s great. Good lord do I sympathize w/ Techno, and I’m not saying him being upset or you being upset about what he did isn’t valid, I’m just saying just..,... watch his POV before you start making assumptions that are untrue?

2. People shaming Tommy for having an emotional attachment to the disks. Hey, guess what? Have you ever considered that this kid has had everything taken from him? Have you ever considered that everything he’s had was burnt or exploded or destroyed by his enemies, so of course he would hold onto something so desperately because it hasn’t been taken and destroyed in front of his eyes? Have you ever considered that, even for a second? Also, people saying that “what does he care about, his friends or the disks?” he cares about both. He can..,,.. care about both things, if you weren’t aware of that? He cares about the disks because they’re what kept him going when he was suicidal, when Dream was manipulating him; they were the only thing that held good memories and the only thing that gave him a purpose, that gave him something to do. Of course he went too far w/ them, and he acknowledged that, but don’t shit on them when they were basically his lifeline at some point? People tend to forget that his character was literally suicidal; of course he would hang onto something like that because it gave him a point. ....,and it represents his friendships, and the good memories before everything went bad, and people. People he holds so dearly. Once you have that in mind, once you think abt the possibility of the disks representing people, Dream continuously taking them was taking something that represented his friends and his happiness from him.

3. People siding w/ Dream and saying that c!Dream was trying to teach him a lesson. Hey, guys? Do I have to keep repeating myself? Dream admitted that he didn’t have Tommy’s best intentions in mind, he said that he wasn’t his fucking friend — he admitted that he was only hanging out in logstedshire for the fucking disks. Every fucking day Dream would blow up his shit that he worked hard for in front of his eyes, the shit he mined for and was proud of himself for getting? Yeah, every damned day he destroyed every shred of Tommy’s hope he had of getting back on his feet in front of his face — that doesn’t seem like something someone would do who had his best interests in mind. The man lied to him about the party, didn’t even have ghostbur send out the invites so he could convince him nobody fucking cared for him. He lied to him that Tubbo burned the compass to get him to hate Tubbo. He blew up logstedshire when Tommy hid shit from him because he was afraid of what he’d do when he found out — yeah, his home? He blew that shit up. That isn’t something friendly to do. Man pushed this kid to suicide, man manipulated him, man won’t fucking leave him alone because he thinks it is fun to torment him — he is not a good person. All this shit you defend as “teaching him a lesson” just scars him. It’s abuse, is what it is. It’s fucking abuse.

4. Trauma doesn’t give people the excuse to torment people. Hey, we’ve been over this before too, haven’t we? Guess who addressed it? Tommy. He owned up to his actions and said he was using his bad experiences as an excuse to hurt people, he owned up to that shit and said it didn’t give him an excuse. No matter what bad experiences these character go through, you can sympathize w/ it, but it doesn’t give them a fucking excuse to hurt people cause they’re just repeating the fucking cycle. Trauma? Bad experiences isn’t a thing you should hold up as a shield once you’re told that the things you’re doing is wrong. It’s fine when you’re supporting a characters villainous arc, but don’t use their bad experiences as a defense? Trauma doesn’t give you the excuse for vengeance, to hurt people. Even if you’re hurting and you’re angry and you want revenge, the shit that you went through in the past isn’t a defense. It isn’t. I’ve seen a lot of people using it as an excuse in this fandom and it’s 🧍🏼not one...,,??

That’s it. That’s all I have to say. ...,,yes most of it is about c!Tommy. What about it. ...this is literally an inniter blog 🧍🏼/lh /nm

(Also this is just.,, referring to their characters. Yes I do see the fact that I didn’t type “c!” And yes I am too lazy to go back and change it, what about it.)

Also, this isn’t me defending c!Tommy’s shit actions, I’m well aware that he’s done shit things in the past and this isn’t me saying he’s an innocent angel that deserves no criticism, I’m just saying maybe,..., try to understand his POV? Like, for example I do think torturing fundy was going too far, I do think he’s made multiple mistakes and I do think he’s a flawed character, but there’s reasons to his character and I just wisgaiavja. I think he’s neat ok

#if I’m coming off as cruel and aggressive then I’m sorry shavajavw #I’m just very frustrated right now. if you feel like I’m genuinely angry or hate any of you I don’t #half the shit i addressed is shit that makes me uncomfortable based on personal experiences #so that’s why it’s so. emotional 🧍🏼 #tw manipulation #tw mentions of suicide #tw suicide #tw abuse #mcyt #mcytblr #dream smp #tommyinnit #minecraft youtubers #mcyters #dream smp spoilers #Tubbolive #tubbo #mcyt blog #Technoblade #l’manberg #/rp #/roleplay #dreamwastaken

[jaskierisbi]

lines and verses from every amazing devil song that hit

King

But our voices collide with each howl of the tide || Singing all hell and its fire waits for us

All that matters || Is that you’re here

Pruning Shears

My entire life it's running away too fast || Watching everyone I've ever loved walk past || Never really quite getting the knack of || Knowing no one will not || Ever come back for you

Shower Day

Would have stayed if you'd had asked || But instead you just walk past

You're the one who told me my hair looked better black || You're the one who told me to never look back || You're the one who asked me if I'm feeling ok || I said I'm fine || It's just a sitting down in the shower day

Leave the room but you get caught in the rain || Know you should love him but it's such a pain || Would have stayed if you'd had asked || But instead you just walk away

Elsa’s Song

I can hear the cannons calling || As though across a dream || And I can smell the smoke of hell || In every stitch and seam || And like flowers, the bodies tumble || Around this muddied lot || I cannot hear them scream || ‘Forget me not.’

Pray

Pray for me, I'll run until I begin to understand || What holy men really mean || When they speak of sin

God made all man in his image || Honey I'm I'm I'm no man || I'm what’s left when children go to war

Run from you, I'll run until I begin to understand || What holy men really mean when they speak of sand and sons and seams and symphonies and sweat and sex and sin

Why you cannot sleep for sighing || Why womanhood is more than crying || I'm stronger now than you have ever known

The cracks you made I fill with mortar || A broken pot can still hold water || Symphonies and sweat and sex mean nothing when you are obsessed || With sin and soil and strength and song and all the words that came out wrong and him

Little Miss Why So

Did you tell them about the time we met little miss || You'll love the way I tell it || And I'll yell it from the rooftops for you || He says

He says || You're going too fast || You'll burn up soon

I don't know how to reach you when you get like this || I've been waiting for you to come home || I don't know how to reach you when you get like this || I've been waiting for you to come home

Why won't you just tell them all to fuck off love and be mine

He says || Why so sad || I'm here and I'm alive || Stop making up death wishes and take my lifeline

Why won't you believe I love you if I'm not hurting you, he says || Can't you see that I'm enough for you but you don't want me to be || 'Cause that means you'll actually have to be content

Why so why so sad || Stop asking why I'm sad just know it's enough to know I'm sad

New York Torch Song

But your blood does not bleed red no more || It's whiter than the sun burns, bright with every hum || From within this gaping wound of ours || A new us has begun. A new us has begun. A new us has begun

Tear me up and burn me up and rip me up and leave your || Hand on the wall as you go

Are you god or devil, ghost dishevelled || Childhood friend or drunken revel

I cannot find the words to keep you || I cannot find the words to keep you

Two Minutes

It's like all the wallpaper inside my heart || Is slowly slowly peeling off || And I'm showing || All the stains and things || They wrote on the wall before

These hands are growing cold ||They're running out of things to hold || Give me two damn minutes and I'll be fine

If I'm good will you come back || If I'm good will you come back || If I'm good will you come back || To us

Not Yet/Love Run

Sing me awake with a song about pirates || And I will try to harmonise || And sip the sunlight from your eyes || Oh sing me awake || With all the things we’ll do today || But instead we’ll build a den || Out of pillows and get drunk again

If my old mum could see me now || Oh how she’d howl she’d howl

Love run, love run || For all the things you’ve done || Run for all the things that drum || Run for all those pages thumbed

Love run, love run || For all the things we wished we’d done || Run from all you know that’s coming || Run to show that love’s worth running to

All that matters || Is that you're here ||All that matters

- - - - - - - - - -

The Rockrose and the Thistle

n/a sorry y’all

The Horror and the Wild

You are that space that’s in between every page, every chord and every screen || You are the driftwood and the rift, you’re the words that I promise I don’t mean

We’re drunk but drinking (sunk but sinking) || They thought us blind (we were just blinking)

Remember me I ask, remember me I sing || Give me back my heart you wingless thing

Think of all the horrors that I || Promised you I’d bring || I promise you, they’ll sing of every || Time you passed your fingers through my hair and called me child || Witness me, old man, I am the Wild

Wild Blue Yonder

So one last time, love, come and rip my clothes || Get a grip, we're grownups

Come and rip off my socks like you’re blasting the locks off of a bank vault. Halt! || This time we’re done for

Let’s hide under the covers || We don’t know what’s out there || Could be wolves || So hold me, lover, like you used to || So tight I’d bruise you || I’d bruise you, I’d bruise you too

Every stone you threw, I stood on to better see the view

Don't you ever wonder, what could have been? || All those wonders sit in wait for us, we tried

Every brick you hurled, I’ll use to build this world || This world, this world, this world

Welly Boots

And I love you, don’t you know || That I’ll be with you all along, as long as you are kind

And when you scream that it’s not fair || It’s like I’ve gone off to the coast || Left you behind just standing there || Pretending not to see your ghost || If only you could hear my voice || But you are screaming far too loud to hear me swear || Just because I left doesn’t mean that I’m not still there

'Cause you were always strong || When you were young, you’d kick things just to see if they would fall || They said ‘That girl, she’s wrong’ || But I’ll stick up for you, even though you haven’t got a clue, you haven't got a fucking clue

Farewell Wanderlust

He said ‘Hey darling hey, hey darling hey’ || I’m the hardest goodbye that you’ll ever have to say

I promise you I’ll be better || I promise you I’ll try || But like rubbing wine stains into rugs it’s my curse || To try and make it right, but by trying make it worse

I promise you I’m not broken || I promise you there’s more || More to come, more to reach for, more to hurl at the door

Goodbye to all my darkness, there’s nothing here but light || Adieu to all the faceless things that sleep with me at night || This here is not make up, it’s a porcelain tomb || And this here is not singing, I’m just screaming in tune

Fair

It’s what my heart just yearns to say || In ways that can’t be said || It’s what my rotting bones will sing || When the rest of me is dead || It’s what’s engraved upon my heart || In letters deeply worn || Today I somehow understand the reason I was born

She laughs as though she’s not heard the joke ten thousand times before || And he adores her, he watches her get dressed as though she’s hurtling through time

And she brushes her hand through his hair, he’s got so much fucking hair

And he holds her close just to keep the world at bay

"It’s not fair, it’s not fair how much I love you || It’s not fair, 'cause you make me laugh when I’m actually really fucking cross at you for something," || And he’ll say || "Oh how, oh how unreasonable || How unreasonably in love I am with everything you do || I spend my days so close to you 'cause if I’m standing here, maybe everyone will think I’m alright,"

'Cause darling I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades

And calm throughout his melodrama, she will turn and say || "Dear heart, it’s me, it's me || You don’t need to pretend to be someone you’re not || 'Cause it’s not like I’ve never heard you fart and snore || And for some godforsaken reason || I’m still here, love, like I’ve always been before,"

Burying her head into his chest and clinging to the moment || "Where have you been?" she’ll whisper || "I’ve waited oh so long for you to come" || And as the stars above them hum and hear them || He’ll turn to her and say, "That’s what she said"

That Unwanted Animal

You try so loud to love me || I cannot seem to hear || ‘Be good to me,’ I whisper || And you say ‘What?’ || And I say ‘Nothing dear’

I’m the paper cut that kills you || I’m the priest that you ignored || I’m the touch you crave, I’m the plans that you made, but fuck all your plans I’m bored

And you rip my ribcage open || And devour what’s truly yours

'Cause if we join our hands in prayer enough || To God I imagine it all starts to sound like applause

Marbles

And I chipped my teeth on every joke you cracked

You stole the best years of my life || I’ll give them back

'Cause I will wait and hope || Your eyes aren’t rivers there to weep || But a place for crows to rest their feet || And I will wait and hope || And rest my head at night content || Knowing where my marbles went

She sang, ‘Do you think I’m sexy?’ and oh god I really did

Oh, if one more guy calls me darling then I || Swear to you and to god I will murder them all

All the bastards applaud when I show that I’m flawed || You’re not flawed darling, you’re just a little under-rehearsed

I’ve loved you, for a hundred years || Certainly fucking feels like it

The minute I met you, the colours of my life began to pour

And now, even though you’re mad and these memories won’t stay || That's okay || 'Cause then I get to meet you for the first time every single day

Battle Cries

Tell the truth to me, love, does my hair look as nice || As it did when you once tangled up in your eyes? || Look at me as you say this, don’t look at your phone

‘Cause these plates they smash like waves || And the wine stains hide the tears || But that breathing you hear, don't mistake it for sighs || Don’t you realise? They’re just battle cries, dear

And these lines aren’t wrinkles, dear heart || They’re just dollops of paint on a new work of art

And as I walk away, I know I’ve been through the wars || But that creaking you hear in my bones is not pain, it’s applause

This isn’t a break up, dear heart, it’s a season finale

#the amazing devil #the amazing devil lyrics #joey batey #jaskier #the witcher #not yet/love run #the horror and the wild #wild blue yonder #battle cries #two minutes #pray #marbles #king #pruning shears #shower day #elsa’s song #little miss why so #new york torch song #welly boots #farewell wanderlust #fair #that unwanted animal #mine #lyrics

[horunicorn]

Oya Oya

Hewwo :3 I have written much smut but this is my first time making it public. Sorry it came out so long. Feel free to point out any mistakes.

Warnings: choking, dominance

The fusuma slammed shut behind you, rattling the shōji across the room, after he'd pushed you rather roughly into his room at the Shinsengumi dorm. You were honestly surprised the kumiko didn't fall apart.

"What the hell, Y/N?"

You curled your lip up at him defiantly. "What?"

"Don't 'what' me," he warned, pacing to and fro in front of the door, clearly agitated. Then again, the man did have a short fuse. "Who gave you permission to hang with the Yorozuya bastard? Is that what you do behind my back?"

His accusation flipped your entire mood over. You were cheeky before; now you were pissed. What right did he have to point fingers at you? After all, he was the one who pushed you to do it. For three weeks, you had been patient while he worked. Of course, since he lived where he worked, it seemed like he was never free, always balancing his vice commander duties in and out of the headquarters. He did ask for your permission before going on cases, to make sure that you were okay with him doing overtime on certain days. And you always assured him that you would wait for him, no matter how busy some days could get. You always told him that it was okay to put his job first when he needed to. But that didn't mean he could take advantage of your understanding, did it?

The guy was smarter than most; he picked up on hints and cues effortlessly, especially if they were from you. So why had he been so oblivious to your subtle advances these past weeks?

"Who are you to tell me who I can or cannot be friends with?" you snapped back, temper flaring.

"You know very well who I am and what I can and cannot do," he answered, a little condescendingly.

"Yeah, well, you should also know that Gin-san gives me way more attention than you do," you uttered rashly. It was how you felt on the inside. After so many days of neglect by Hijikata, Gintoki's friendly affection towards you had you hooked in like fish to bait. Every smile and head smack he gave you fed your growing hunger for a man you couldn't get to and yet you still went on with it. You hung around Gintoki, longing for Hijikata, for something physical, just to take away the ache of missing the vice commander.

"What did you say?" Hijikata's tight voice betrayed the anger that was sparking inside him. The thought of you just being in Gintoki's presence was enough to provoke him. Confirmation that you let him touch you - nevermind if it was just playful shoves or shoulder bumping - flooded his vision with red. "You let him touch you?"

You scoffed at his ridiculous jealousy. "I'm not a slut. All Gin-san did was listen to me when I was alone. He kept me company."

True, you worked eight hours a day but the tiredness didn't mean that you didn't want to talk late into the night.

"Company, huh?" Hijikata crossed the room to stand in front of you so fast that you had to double check the spot he was previously at, just to be sure. He was a head taller than you. Now that he was all riled up, his presence was intimidating, especially since you had to look up to meet his eyes. "It just had to be him?"

You knew better. If you let him go on, you would have angry make up sex in seconds. This was a matter that needed talking through, not blind fucking. You pushed him away harshly, much to his surprise.

"We're not in a movie, Hijikata." Ah, using his family name when you were alone was never a good sign. "You can't just fuck me and be done with it."

A thought crossed your mind. Maybe it wasn't that he was busy. Maybe it was you who had done things wrongly. If you hadn't dropped all those stupid hints and just came straight forward with your needs, you needn't have had to feel the pain of ignorance from him. Your low self-esteem came racing back to you.

It was my fault. I didn't talk to him.

"I'm sorry," you choked out, turning away from him. Your sudden change in demeanor startled him but it wasn't something he hadn't experienced before.

Just like that, his anger melted away. He stepped towards you, pulling your reluctant form into his arms.

"You shouldn't have to apologize for anything," Hijikata sighed, one hand carefully cupping the back of your head. When his temper wasn't in the way, he saw things much clearer. "It was wrong of me to accuse you like that, especially since I know how much I've been neglecting you. I just didn't like the fact that of all the people to go to attention for, it was him." Hijikata said him with visible distaste. You relaxed against him, calmer now that he was no longer angry, that he had assured you it was not your fault.

"But I like him," you protested.

"Could you not like anyone else?"

"You hate everyone else, except the gorilla and he's infatuated with Otae-chan."

"Are you saying you'd go to Kondo-san if you could?" Hijikata teased, instantly lightening the atmosphere.

With that you ducked out of his embrace. "Please. I don't do stalkers." Hijikata was quick to catch you again though, this time from behind. He placed a gentle kiss to the shell of your ear.

"If you hadn't gotten caught today," he began, "I would have shown my appreciation for your patience in a different way."

"You have something planned?" you asked excitedly, happy that he had been thinking of you too.

"I did," he confirmed in the past tense. "But I can't get Yorozuya's stupid smug face out of my mind."

You knew all too well why. You knew that hanging out with Gintoki came with a punishment if you were caught. Before you could respond, Hijikata had a hand locked around your neck, with pressure not enough to choke but just enough that made swallowing difficult.

"Sometimes I think you let yourself get caught on purpose," he went on in a low voice, free hand travelling down your left arm and tugging it behind your back. He had you in a hold you didn't have any intention of breaking out of. Indeed, just the feeling of his hand on your throat had you weak at the knees, ready to be ruined by him.

"T - Tōshi," you managed, voice strangled by the hand on your windpipe. "Hard to... breathe."

"But you like this, don't you?" He purred. "You want to be choked like the little slut you are."

Oh, there was no denying how much his words were turning you on. Getting choked with his hand was good. Getting choked on his cock was better and you were more than eager for it.

"Choke... me with... your...cock..." Earlier misgivings forgotten, you wanted nothing more than for him to use you. It was all you had wanted since using Gintoki as a filler. His attention.

"Mm, I don't think so, baby girl," he murmured, finally releasing you from his hold only to take your hand and drag you down onto his futon. "I want to give, not take. And I expect thanks."

Translation: I will fuck you senseless and you will be vocal about it.

"Dont you think you can punish me better if - " Your question was cut short by a gasping inhale. Hijikata had somehow managed to loosen the knots of the date-jime that held your nagajuban and kimono together amidst everything and was now shamelessly pushing his fingers between your damp labia, hand disappearing in the folds of the cloth. Immediately, your hips moved up, asking for more when he'd barely begun. He murmured an amused "oya oya" upon finding the absence of underwear on you.

"I think you've been wetter than this, haven't you?" Deviously, Hijikata poked two fingers into your hole without any warning. There hadn't been much foreplay but could you really complain when you were swallowing his fingers like the greedy whore you were? He pulled his fingers out along with your arousal and spread it over your clit, rubbing in tantalizing circles, like a taunt.

"You're going to tease me," you stated, breathless already.

"Just for now," he promised, the sensitive nub slipping between his pointer finger and middle finger. Your nerve endings fired, sending thick coils of pleasure up your body. Again, your hips moved up.

Hijikata chose that moment to take his hands off of you. He sat back on his heels, hands placed perfectly on his lap. Disheveled and disgruntled, you forced your pleasure-weak body into motion, sitting up with your kimono loose around you, one side sliding down to bare a shoulder.

This was no dream: your body had flaws everywhere. Beauty marks on your skin, scars from being clumsy, skin that wasn't silky smooth or creamy white. You felt very small when you walked past some women on the streets but Hijikata always made you feel perfect. He loved every one of your imperfections, which encouraged you at times like these.

"Frustrated?" he smirked and you wondered just what he was playing at. Unbothered, you knee-walked closer, until you were parked right in front of him. Your hands grasped at the lapels of his uniform jacket. The familiar musk of cigarette smoke wafted up your nostrils, further turning you on. His gaze was hot on you; you could feel it despite not looking at him. Deliberate in your movements, you pushed the jacket off then proceeded to unbutton his vest and undo the knot of the white scarf around his neck. You were busy working on his shirt when he caught your hand, bringing it up to his mouth.

The contact of the softness of his lips against your skin made your thoughts fuzzy. His stare lingered on you and your restraint broke. You crashed your lips into his, claiming your pleasure, trying to pacify your desire for him. He indulged you, using a hand to hold your head steady. You kissed and kissed until there was no more breath to breathe between the both of you.

Hijikata pulled back first, dragging a thumb across your lower lip. It was such an intimate move, hinting at the lust he had for you; that was all it took for you to go into full 'I need you now' mode. Impatient, you shoved him back and shimmied up his body, brazenly rocking your hips, smearing your arousal onto his white shirt. Obviously, he felt your dampness through the material and gripped your hips to stop you from moving. The sight of you grinding above him was too much for his already tortured mind. Everything had to go. Now.

Soon you were balancing above him, the tip of his hard cock pressing at your slick entrance. You braced your hands on his broad chest, breath controlled as you slowly sat down on him, the length of him sliding into you inch by inch until your ass touched his lap. The sensation of him in you never failed to make you moan. His girth, his length, everything was just enough to fill up your tight hole.

"My sweet girl," Hijikata murmured, eyes half lidded. "I'd nearly forgotten how good you feel around me." He held onto your hips. "Move for me."

At his demand, you lifted yourself off and back down again, whimpering at the discomfort. Yeah, he was definitely big. Without your weekly routine, your body needed time to get used to him again. It didn't take long, though. Hijikata's soft encouragement and touch had you thirsting for more in no time. You got used to the stretch, gaining momentum and confidence as you moved. No longer did it sting; there was nothing but pleasure with the way you had him sliding in and out of you. Every time you rose left his cock slicker than before, layer upon layer of your arousal coating him.

When your legs got tired, you resorted to bouncing, biting your lip when your ass slapped against his skin in the sexiest way. Hijikata was in awe beneath you. His blue eyes were dark, lips parted in heavy breaths. First his eyes fixed on the way he was entering you, on the way your sweet pussy just swallowed his cock. His rough hands roved up your stomach, fingers dancing over your jumping breasts. That was the second thing he stared at. The soft mounds of flesh on your chest that bounced along with you made his cock twitch. Then he looked at your face. At the way you bit your lip, the pleasure in your expression. Suddenly he wanted nothing more than to dominate you.

The feeling swept over him. Having you on top was incredible, especially since he knew you could control the depth and angle of his entrance. But he needed to have you his way. He couldn't yet explain why.

You cried out in surprise when he sat up abruptly, forcing you to remain still on his lap. You pressed your chest to his, feeling him move along with you, in you. The movement brought on a whole new sensation that made you scratch his chest with a low moan.

"Can he do that?" Hijikata asked, voice thick with lust. And something else. He knew now why he needed dominance over you.

"Who - What?" You couldn't register his words and the meaning behind them at first, not until he flipped you both over in a practiced move and he rolled his hips into you, hitting every unclaimed spot within you. Your legs came around his hips.

"Can that silver haired idiot do this? Make you feel this good?" He pulled back slightly, only to plunge back into you with a jolt that pushed another moan from your mouth.

"N - No. Tōshi..."

Hijikata pulled at your hips, angling your lower body upwards and began thrusting into you, going deep and hard each time. He knew very well that at this angle, each slide of his cock was sure to brush your g-spot. And each time his pelvis met yours, the head of his throbbing cock would carass the tip of your cervix, making you buck your hips even further up.

Seeing you this way only fuelled his unneeded jealousy for a rival that was hardly a threat.

"I bet he can't," he agreed gruffly. "He doesn't know your body, does he? Doesn't know how my baby girl likes it. Tell me." Hijikata drove deep, pushing his own hips up. You choked on a moan, hands tight around his wrists. "Who's making you feel good?"

You were unable to answer, eyes in danger of closing, body on the brink of orgasm. As if fucking him wasn't hot enough. No, jealous Hijikata was even better. His need to hear your verbal confirmation of just how good he could drill you was heightening the entire experience.

Hijikata wrapped a big hand around your throat, forcing you to meet his steely gaze.

"Who?" he demanded.

A lone tear rolled down your cheek and you knew once you opened your mouth, you'd be begging. "Y - You, Tōshi. You're making me feel good. Fucking my pussy so good."

He smirked in satisfaction. There was no need to hold back now. With demonic speed, probably living up to his title, Hijikata slammed into you, hips snapping back and forth furiously. He hadn't even gotten to rub your clit yet and you came undone, pulsing around his cock, sinful moans falling from your mouth along with his name.

"One more time," he urged, tempted to stop and savour the way you were contracting around him. Snug in your warm wetness. He was close. Too close to stop. He spit on your clit and rubbed it in tight circles, coaxing yet another orgasm out of you. This was too much after the first and his name left you in screams, your body spasming, legs jerking. The sight of you being ruined by him did it. A few more thrusts and he fell on top of you, hugging your trembling body close as waves of pleasure crashed over him. He bit your shoulder, hard, enjoying the feeling of his seed leaving him and filling you. The others might not be at the sleeping quarters but you doubted that your screams hadn't reached the main block.

Once you both felt calm enough to move, Hijikata carefully extracted himself from you, using his scarf to wipe off any semen that came leaking out of you. You laid your head on his clammy chest.

"I'd never cheat," you said blatantly.

Hijikata pushed a hand through your messy hair, staring up at the ceiling. "I know. I just... wish I could have been there for you. I know it's not fair, having to always put up with my work."

"You're here now." You turned your head to smile up at him and he returned it with one of his own rare ones. The kind that took your breath away and reminded you of how different he could be around you. "Won't the others be looking for you?"

"Let them," he sighed. "I've been long overdue for a day off anyway." There was a brief pause, as though he were thinking things over. "Can I take you out?"

Your heart skipped a beat, delighted that you both could finally spend quality time together. Not that mindless fucking wasn't fun but normal couple stuff had to come in somewhere.

You smoothed your hand over the skin on his chest, loving how only you were allowed to touch him this way. "Yeah, you can."

#gintama #gintama smut #hijikata toushirou #hijikata x reader #smut #dominance #fanfic #gintama hijikata #shinsengumi #toshi x reader #hijikata #lemon #oneshot #gintama oneshots

[sorry-i-ship-drarry]

Perfect birthday plans

Prompt used- Stroking others arms soothingly | fluff | All of Draco's birthdays plans gets fucked up |

" but I am sure, please check again " Draco frustratingly said to the girl behind the counter

" sir, I've already checked thrice and I am sure there's no reservations under the name for Draco malfoy. I'm sorry sir " the girl gave him a sympathetic smile

" Draco it's fine, we'll go some place else " Harry clutched Draco's hand besides him

" no Harry it's not fine-"

" it is, we're sorry for the inconvenience. Have a lovely day " Harry gave the girl a charming smile and dragged Draco out with him.

" I swear I made the reservations " Draco threw his hands his hands in the air in annoyance

" I believe you babe, we'll find some place else " Harry gave him a smile as they walked back to the car.

" but this was the perfect place Harry, I'd been planning this for months and now it's woosh, just not there " Draco sighed as he opened the door for Harry, then walked off to his driver's seat.

" it doesn't matter Draco-"

" it does to me Harry " Draco mumbled as he turned on the car and stayed there in silence for a moment.

" you know, we'll do the next thing on my list" Draco's voice rose in little excitement. Harry gave him a contented smile and they soon drove off.

But as it turned out Draco forgot the tickets to the concert and it was all booked out.

One thing after another, most of his bigger plans failed and he was only met with disappointment until they finally decided to just retrieve back to their place and have a fine ordered dinner with some champagne and call it a night.

But for obvious reasons Draco was bummed out. It was Harry's 21st birthday and he had been planning for this for months, dinner at a nice restaurant, go to a concert, go to a late night beach walk, maybe go do swimming but one thing after another, everything had collapsed onto the ground, for one he never got the reservation at the restaurant, he forgot tickets at home and it was all sold out and they couldn't possibly go now, for it was too late, the beach was all closed down for cleaning so they couldn't even apparate inside. It was a terrible night and Draco felt helpless. Worse than helpless if so. At least the cake would still be something fine.

But it wasn't his lucky day, his cake somehow had even delivered upside down and by his mistake he hadn't even checked before and now the bakery won't take it back and above everything else,the entire block was out of lights because of some technical issues.

" this day couldn't had been more worse " Draco huffed as he threw himself onto the couch and balled into it in disappointed.

" hey " Harry consoled as he came by and sat next to him and snuggled him from behind " it doesn't matter-"

" Harry it might not matter to you but I spent so much time planning all of this, making sure everything was perfect. I even checked 3 times with the restaurant for the reservation yet somehow they didn't had a recollection and I was too fucking stupid- shit- I could've apparated back for ticket. Ugh " draco groaned, curling up more just inside him.

Harry huffed before he got up and sat down on the ground to face Draco.

" get up " harry ordered as he looked at the miserable self of Draco. Confused, Draco refused but harry dragged him up.

" we've still got 2 hours before my birthday ends and I'm sure we can make something out of it Because it surely means too much to you that you're beating yourself up for it, now think of resources at the best for you and just do something, and I'll act surprised okay ?" Harry raised his eyebrows, making sure it was okay.

Draco bit his lip thinking before he stepped away and nodded.

" okay just, go inside the bathroom for a while. And meet me at the roof in 15 minutes alright. And no peaking " Draco ordered. Chuckling Harry kissed Draco's cheeks and walked inside the bathroom and locking himself inside.

Exactly 15 minutes later Harry walked out of the bathroom to find the apartment empty. He searched for Draco to make sure he wasn't ruining his surprise and once he was sure, he carefully made his steps to the roof.

Harry reached the roof door and almost entered when he decided to make sure if Draco was done " should I come in ?"

" just-a- minute " Draco sounded out of breath. Harry heard a clap before Draco opened the door with the most charming he had ever pulled and offered Harry to take his hand. Surprised Harry took his hands and walked into the roof.

" obviously I couldn't do much with the lights all out and well- sometimes these muggle laptops can be of actual use. Also I made sure there was no insect's inside the green house so we won't need repellents " Draco explained As he walked Harry into the small date he had set up in top of their apartments in the greenhouse. With limited resources draco could only set dinner over the ground with a bunch of candle lights lingering in the air and lion king movie paused over the laptop. He had managed to get to lay a few blankets over the ground as well as have a few to cover themselves with.

" this- wow " Harry stuttered amazed at how good everything actually looked

" it's not much. It's nothing compared to whatever I had planned but this is the best I could-"

" Draco " Harry grabbed Draco's arms and forced him to look at harry " the fancy restaurant or the concert or a good beach night, all these materialistic things doesn't matter to me. Yes they would've been nice but this- this is nothing compared to what we could've done. It doesn't matter how I spend my birthday Draco, it's who I spend it with. I don't want some fancy or a extravagant things to be happy on my birthday, I'm happy with you waking up next to me on my birthday, hell everyday. I don't need all these things, it's only you who matters to me, I just need you to acknowledge the days that's all. I've never been huge fans of extravaganza, it's people who matter and as long as I have you, I'm sure all my birthdays will be great " Harry told him as a stroked his arms gently..

" you get me? I love this. This is better than anything else you had planned. And to be frank those huge restaurant serves like a spoon of food for such huge amount Money, I'd much rather have this perfect pizza and champagne. I love you Draco and i love absolutely everything that you do for me. You trying is enough for me and I hope you understand that too, okay " Harry cupped his face giving him an understanding smile. Draco looked at harry for a moment before he nodded. Harry smiled before he placed a chaste kiss over Draco's lips , intertwining their hands and walking them into the greenhouse.

When they spent the entire night over the rooftop, watching movie, drinking, eating and eventually having the best sex, they realised that it was the most perfect night they could've asked for. Draco definitely didn't need to make reservations for Harry or buy him expensive gifts, he just needed Harry to know that he'd go over and beyond for him and that's what made it all perfect. The perfect combination of things is not materialism, it's people. Besides there Can be no perfection without flaw, so someday you just have to fuck it up or let it fuck up to realise there's beauty in flaws.

" of course Harry's the flaw and I'm the beauty " Draco chuckled as the told their friend's the story. Harry sat on his laps rolled his eyes, slapping him over the chest playfully.

" I'm the beauty, he's the flaw " Harry rolled his eyes again

" could you guys be anymore cheesy ?" Pansy rolled her eyes at the cringe worth couple.

Harry pouted before he said " no " and then he deliberately sloppily kissed Draco for a good measure.

And pansy groaned, but she of course knew, love like this doesn't happen twice and she was happy for them.

Requests open

Day 24- concealment charms | Day 26- after all this time, always the same

#drarry #harry potter #drarry incorrect quotes #draco x harry #hp fandom #harry james potter #drarry prompt #draco is gay #harry potter fanfiction #draco malfoy #drarry incorrect posts #drarry prompts #drarry headcanon #drarry fluff #drarry fic idea #drarry ficlet #drarry fic rec #drarry fic #drarry ao3 #drarry au #drarry drabble challenge #drarry drabble #drarry ship #drarry stuff #drarry squad #drarry imagines #draco malfoy headcanon #harry potter headcanon

[feanorianethicsdepartment]

i think i’ve pretty well established by now that i like it when the fëanorians get to be monsters. the nightmares that haunt the sindarin imagination, drenched in the blood of both foe and friend, who forged their selves into weapons and turned killing into an art, ruthless and vicious and absolutely terrifying. they lead armies of blood-hungry zealots, fanatically devoted to the cause, with an attitude to outsiders more commonly found in doomsday cults. they burn all around them, and delight in the slaughter, and choke out the very light they once swore to protect

so it might surprise you to learn that i don’t think their dad is like that at all?

i mean, don’t get me wrong here, he’s still fëanor. still loud as fuck, neither can nor will stop, extremely opinionated on the most minor things possible, a self-fuelling tornado of wild ideas and mad science with the power and drive to achieve even his most impractical of dreams. he’s just. not a murderer. i mean he is, but he doesn’t revel in it the way his kids do

he’s suprisingly... not normal, because fëanor. person-like, i think is the operative thought. he’s a lot like celebrimbor in some ways, bursting with creativity and passion to make the world right. he unironically thinks his wife is the best person in the universe and was an incredibly supportive parent to the point of horrible pta mom-dom (’how dare you call my three-year-old’s singing scratchy warbling he is PERFECT’) there’s not a duplicitous bone in his body; for better and for worse, what you see is what you get. there’s hints in his character of the darkness his people fell into - he hates the people he hates just as intensely as he loves those he loves, and he’s willing to risk a lot to get what he wants - but that’s never all there was to him. people loved him back in valinor, and they had good reason to

by no means am i trying to minimise the horrible things he did here. just because you’re hurting doesn’t give you the right to hurt others. i don’t think he went into alqualondë with the intention to kill, but i do think that he could have stopped the violence once it started and consciously made the call not to. burning the ships was entirely his own dumb idea - half the reason maitimo objects to it is it’s an objectively stupid tactical decision, but fëanor is grieving and desperate and believes a lot of the bullshit melkor fed him and is drowning in the sunk cost fallacy to boot. he also should have tried to get along with his stepfamily, or proofread that goddamn oath, or just thought through the consequences of his actions at any point between the darkening and his death. this isn’t the fëanor-did-nothing-wrong train here, at least not the way that phrase is used these days. he made a fuckton of terrible decisions, and while they’re understandable that doesn’t make them excuseable. he’s just not a bloodthirsty hellbeast

but his kids are, and the obvious question is ‘why?’ in-universe, the answer varies from ‘fëanor had the good fortune to die extremely early so while his children were fashioning themselves into weapons and getting really good at killing he was going to elf afterlife therapy and working through his issues’ to ‘the murderousness actually comes from nerdanel’s side of the family’ to ‘every other generation in míriel’s line is inherently evil for some reason and fëanor is hilariously oblivious to this’ depending on how looney tunes my headcanons are that day. out-of-universe... it’s partially because i think it’s funny, i have to admit. i find both ‘guy with perfect dark lord minions has no interest in being dark lord’ and ‘fëanor is consistently out-saned by the most bloodthirsty elves in the history of arda’ to be hilarious character dynamics. but it’s also because valinor really was a paradise, and someone who died barely after leaving there, no matter how over-the-top, would find the things beleriand forged the people they loved into horrifyingly unrecognisable

by the time of the second kinslaying, fëanor, as said, has gone to therapy. he is working on his shit, he is processing his damage, it’s a long road ahead but he is making progress. by this point, he’s admitted to himself that the entire boat theft scheme was a terrible idea with terrible results, but he hasn’t quite got to the point of acknowledging the serious flaws in his whole let’s-go-to-middle-earth-and-punch-morgoth scheme. like the oath

so when his sons massacre the people of doriath, he’s as horrified as everyone else in the halls. this is intensely not what the oath was for (still in denial) alqualondë was a terrible mistake they had no reason to repeat (still in denial.) he still can’t admit that this whole thing is his fault, even partially and indirectly, so what he latches onto instead is the idea that the children he loved and raised have been replaced by- by-

when curufin goes to find his father, fëanor violently rejects the abomination before him

#silmarillion #feanor #house of feanor #my terrible headcanons #he does at least eventually take responsibility for what they became #(being feanor he initially swings over to THIS IS ENTIRELY MY FAULT before he realises his hellspawn had agency) #but i don't think his kids ever fully trust him again #they walked into the void because he asked them to #and it hurt so much #and they lost everything they could ever have been for nothing #there's always a tension after that #a hurt nothing can heal #i think they're monsters. i don't think they wanted to be monsters