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sillylovesongsk · 9 months

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Has anyone ever thought that the reason why we love Heartstopper so much is because it’s so refreshing to see healthy, pure and affirming queer relationships?

This is what I longed for growing up as part of the LGBTQ+ community. I longed to see healthy relationships on TV because all I wanted was a healthy and accepting environment in my life (since books and media were my constant escape and refuge). Growing up with Queer As Folk, The L World, ATWT (Luke/Noah), Hollyoaks, Skins and even Glee made me think that this was what I was bound for in my teenage/adult life… full of toxic relationships and unsafe environments.

It’s so nice to see that this is what the next generation is getting, that they’re getting to see acceptance and patience at its fullest. Even if the heteronormative society we lived in deprived many of us from having this kind of beautiful young queer intimacy and experience (yeah ik, we have nostalgia and we’re mourning), we should still acknowledge the fact that things are getting better for future generations. I’m just so happy for all the queer young people that get to have this positive experience, and how this positive LGBTQ+ representation that’s happening, will change so many lives.

I cry tears of joy because we get to see more of that patient and accepting mentality from Charlie (when it comes to coming out) and none of that “if you love me, you will not hide me” mentality that was so frequently seen in media and so present in many queer relationships.

Also, it’s comforting that Nick really cares about Charlie and wants to protect him, not by being Charlie’s superhero or savior with a fixing mission, but just by being patient and allowing Charlie to open up to him… giving him space to fully let him in on his own time. Not by telling him “you need to stop doing this, you need to stop hurting yourself”, but telling him “can you promise to tell me if it ever gets that bad again?”. Which makes me think he knows that he won’t be able to fully stop it (because that’s how it is with people that have disorders and depression, it doesn’t help for people to force us to just “get better and not hurt ourselves”), but he knows he can be there for him to make the path to recovery or stability easier.

Seeing the slow and patient way in which Tara and Darcy allowed each other to open up, and not leave at the first sign of “trouble” but tackled it through open communication makes me happy.

The way they handled the relationship between Mr. Farouk and Mr. Ayaji was on point, exemplifying perfectly how you can still have nice first-time experiences at any point in your life, regardless of you realizing that you were queer later in life.

It makes me cry (sometimes happy tears and sometimes sad tears) when I see most of the parents being a safe place for their children and allowing them to trust in them because of that safe environment they’ve created.

While writing this I realized that the reason why I’ve read so much fanfiction since I was very young (8 yo, that’s nearly 20 years now) is because we got to create and read these stories where we imagined safe and healthy relationships that we didn’t get to live and see in real life or media most of the time. I think the reason I love Heartstopper so much is because of how similar it is to any of those wholesome fanfics that I took refuge in back when I was younger and living in the closet.

It has everything I wished to have back then and everything I wish to have at one point in life:

Family fully accepting you

Healthy and safe family (non-chosen and chosen family)

Partner being patient and supportive

Protecting those you love

Open communication that I’ve always craved for in all relationships in my life (romantic and platonic)

Giving light and acknowledgment to the struggles each character lives but not making it their whole personality (because we’re more than those struggles… something I’ve come to learn after so many years in therapy. I’ve suffered domestic abuse, bullying, depression, anxiety, EDs, among so many other things my whole life and I’m more than all of that and it isn’t my whole personality).

I just think that these are some of the reasons why we love Heartstopper as much as we do. What do you all think?

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popcorn-plots · 1 month

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"Master Wong is cheating on you."

Stephen looked up to see America staring at him with wide eyes. Stephen blinked. "What?"

"Master Wong... he's cheating on you."

"And... how did you... come up with that?" Stephen asked, pressing his bookmark into the pages. He closed the book and set it down as America swallowed.

"I saw him and Master Stark kissing. Yesterday. And two days ago, you were kissing Master Wong." America whispered.

It took Stephen a second to realize what was happening. America nearly jumped out of her skin when Stephen burst out laughing.

"Cheating? Nah." Stephen finally choked out. America's eyebrows furrowed as Stephen wiped away a tear.

"Then what..."

"Alright, America. Me and Master Wong are married, yes?"

"Uh... yeah."

"Well... I am also engaged to Master Stark."

"Huh?" America tilted her head. "How does that work?"

Stephen chuckled. "Well. I love Wong. I also love Tony. I love both of them, so I decided to marry both of them."

"Then why did Master Wong kiss Master Stark?"

"Because Master Wong and Master Stark love each other. And they both love me. Does that make sense?"

America frowned. "I... guess so. But isn't that cheating?"

Stephen hummed. "No. Not in this case. You see, cheating is what happens when someone... breaks the rules. If I was only married to Master Wong and then I kissed Master Stark without telling Master Wong, then I would be cheating." America still looked kind of confused. "Its like... playing a game and not following the rules."

America nodded. "Then... Master Wong knows you kiss Master Stark?"

"Yes. Me, Wong, and Master Stark have a polyamourous relationships. It's when someone has more than one romantic partner at the same time, but everyone knows about it and agrees."

"So... you and Master Wong and Master Stark..."

"Agreed on the rules before we started playing a game. So everyone knows what's going on." Stephen explained.

America folded her arms. "That makes sense."

"Good. Do you have any more questions?"

"I.. I don't think so."

Stephen smiled and picked up his book. "Good. If you do have any questions, you can always ask me."

"Okay. Thank you, Master Strange!"

"Of course. Goodbye, America." Stephen smiled, waving back as America giddily ran out of his office.

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repbeyondthedefaults · 2 years

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I actually love that Juliette has to be invited in. ESPECIALLY when it comes to what this means for her relationship with Cal. Because it forces Cal to have to think about the choice of letting Juliette in, instead of just having her cute vamp girlfriend climb through the window because she wants to see her, letting Juliette in has to be something wholly intentional. And it's also a Romeo and Juliet, throwing pebbles and climbing up the side of the house to climb through the window instead of the "I'm a vampire so I will watch from your window waiting to be invited in" trope. It's actually so cute and healthy, I love it.

#first kill #calliette #calliope burns #juliette fairmont #lgbtq #healthy relationship between a vampire and a slayer? we love to see it #healthy representation Saves Lives #queer representation saves lives #lesbian representation saves lives #black representation saves lives #mine

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magicallavender · 1 year

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25 unrelated things I've learned in the past 25 years (bc it was my bday yesterday):

(younger me really needed to hear this)

1. My body and soul is MY OWN. Nobody but me owns it, I get to decide what to do with it. If I want to decorate my body with tattoos, piercings and makeup (or none at all), I fucking can. If I mentally don't want to go into a certain direction, I don't have to and I can trust myself on that instinct. 💫

2. Gender is not in your pants and it can be fluid and not have a binary. (Yeah I found out way late that I'm not cis). Also your body shape doesn't define your gender! 🌈

3. I am whole, I don't need anyone or anything to complete me. 💖

4. Don't worry too much about what other people (might) think of you; they're far too busy with themselves and how other people perceive them. So don't overthink it too much. You don't cross people's minds that often. ✌️

5. Everything is going to workout eventually. Seriously, you can relax. 🌱

6. Most things you stress about right now won't even be relevant in a year. 🐞

7. Ramen noodles (the instant ones, you know) are better when cooked in a pan, instead of hot water poured on them in a cup (yes even with the lid on. Pan is always better). Also; add some greens to them. 🍜

8. For plants; use a pot with drainage. Cause mold & rotting roots = not nice. 🪴

9. People are allowed to dislike & reject me and it will hurt, but I have to remember to reflect on what part hurts & give that the love it needs myself. ☮️

10. You can take your time on reading a book, it doesn't matter if you finish it within a day or a year; just start. 📚

11. It's okay to cancel plans, the reason doesn't even matter cause what matters is you saying you need to cancel them. If people can't handle that, they will probably cross a lot of your boundaries in the future as well. 🧭

12. Time does heal wounds and forgiving others is for your own peace of mind. (Forgiving ≠ forgetting & continuing toxic relationships). ☀️

13. Your fear of missing out is making you miss out. 🥂

14. Coconut oil is a perfect makeup remover. 🥥

15. Financially invest in your future the second your finances allow it. ⚓️

16. Buy a reusable water bottle. And don't go for a glass or plastic one. 🧊

17. Don't buy expensive glasses if you're gonna wear eye contacts anyway. 🥕

18. Don't focus too much on other people's wellbeing, not even people you're close with (and by focus I mean HYPERFIXATE & worry the fuck outa yourself even after discussing your worries with the person in question), rather give that love and attention to yourself. You're too much of a giver. It will drown you. ❤️‍🩹

19. Invite rainbows, plushies, cupcakes and cuddles into your life. :) enjoy it like a little kid, to the fullest. Without any shame. 🦄

20. For when it rains: put on your best raincoat & boots and smile. There's so much fun in the outdoors. 🌦

21. Just romanticize things in life that need it, even if they seem mundane or stupid. It will cure a bit of your depression. Put up that christmas tree & decorate the house with flowers, it will be lovely. 🌻

22. Go to bed when you're tired. Don't push yourself. ☁️

23. Red Wine contains a substance that can trigger migraines. So does lemon. 🍋

24. Clean your face twice a day (morning & evening!). 🧼

25. Be soft! Be loud! Be proud! Be fat! Be queer! Be boring! Be whoever the fuck you need yourself to be! 💗

I wish myself much better years than the past 25, and I believe life will be great & wonderful for me, I will make sure of that ♡

(Pic from pinterest)

#birthday #life advice #advice #lgbtq #aesthetic #skincare routine #skincare tips #skincare #25 tips #tips #healthy lifestyle tips #selflove #self care #queer representation #queer witch #gender #genderfluid #nonbinary

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castelled-away · 9 months

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I need to rewatch Heartbreak High, so don’t mind if I do

#this show is so good & healthy to watch #ALSO in plays in AUSTRALIA not America (fuck americanisation)#and it has brilliant represent #lgbtq+ rep #indigenous representation #asexual representation #autism representation #non binary representation #relatable and accurate teenager representation #minee

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fruity-phrog · 10 months

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Okay, I saw someone say that Nimona, while being good representation, “didn’t take the big step forward in queer rep that everyone says it did”.

That is wrong. So wrong, my dude.

Yes, an explicit and open queer relationship in children’s cartoons is not new, per ce. Hell, just this year, two popular kids’ cartoons had the main character in an open, adorable, plot-based queer romance. But this is different for a few reasons.

Reason number one, it isn’t left in suspense. Yes, they had that split for three odd weeks, but they started the film as a couple. One of the very first scenes is them together as a couple, Ambrosius saying he loves Ballister, them holding hands, Ballister leaning on Ambrosius’ shoulder. Ambrosius says he loves Ballister three times during the film, and none of them are any more than halfway in. It’s very clear, from their very first interaction, that they are an established relationship, which isn’t something I’ve seen...at all in other animation.

Secondly, they are the plot. Ambrosius not believing Ballister, Ambrosius cutting off Ballister’s arm, Ballister trying to get the video to Ambrosius - this is what drives the plot. In any other children’s animation with queer relationships, the relationship is not the main focus. Even The Owl House, which is so amazing with its constant representation, would still make sense if Luz and Amity never happened. But Nimona’s plot wouldn’t make sense without Ballister and Ambrosius’ relationship. It, quite simply, can’t be erased. It could work as a friendship, yes, but that’s the point. They could have just been two close friends that fell on opposite sides of a fight, but they weren’t. They were two lovers that fell on opposite sides of a fight.

Thirdly, they aren’t sanitized for “family viewing”. An emerging trend in children’s animation is to only have mlm relationships as fathers to make them seem more “family friendly”. With the exception of Kipo, there really isn’t many tv shows or films that places light upon an mlm relationship. And if it does, it'll be a teen relationship because teenagers being queer tends to come across as less “dirty” and more “innocent”. But Goldenheart is none of these things. They are adults without the mollifying aspect of having a family. And on top of that, they fight. They wield swords and they get bloody and they shoot at things and get angry and yell. They aren’t “clean” and “innocent”.

As well as this, they are in a film. Films are far more accessible than tv shows. You have to watch twenty seven episodes before Lumity in toh is canon. Troy kisses Benson on the eleventh episode of Kipo. And there are two hundred and eighty three episodes of Adventure Time before Marceline and Bonnie kiss. But with a film, the queerness is much more forward - especially in Nimona, where it’s literally the second scene. Animated films hardly ever display queer relationships, but Nimona did.

Finally - they aren’t perfect. I don’t know about you, but three weeks of thinking your boyfriend/maybe ex is a murderer? Doesn’t sound like a healthy few weeks to me. I have only seen big relationship arguments portrayed in straight relationships in cartoons - think Star Vs The Forces Of Evil - whereas queer relationships either have the massive fight prior to being canonically gay - She Ra - or have conflict, not arguments, that are dealt with quickly - Dead End/The Owl House. But Goldenheart? Goldenheart suffers. Their relationship is pushed to such extreme boundaries as for them to be pretty much exes throughout most of the movie. And yet, they are clearly healthy, happy and very much in love at the end.

TL;DR - Nimona is amazing with the queer representation, and it is a milestone for LGBTQ+ cartoons. Not only is the relationship romantic for the entire movie, the plot is driven by Ambrosius and Ballister’s sort-of-break-up. In short, they are treated the same way straight people are. They have flaws, they have massive arguments, they have plot importance, they have backstory. They are in love. And that’s what matters more than anything else.

#cedar crap #wow I didn't mean for this to be so long #nimona #nimona netflix #queer rep in media #queer rep in animation #goldenheart #ballister boldheart #ballister blackheart #ambrosius goldenloin #and I didn't even touch on the blatant queer flags in the background

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confession-session · 1 year

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i was just vibing at a cafe and my brain really went “Ayo haha what if authors wrote a relationship where the people were flirting with each other shamelessly and it was never clear whether they meant it or not just to confuse and frustrate the audience”

…3 second pause…

“-wait, that’s what queerbaiting is.”

#Imagine if someone did this with straight ships tho?#how ridiculous #Imagine the freak out which would commence #revenge era #jk #everyone deserves healthy ship representation :)#I don’t want to take that away #shower thoughts #more like cafe thoughts #queerbating #queer community #queer #thoughts #lgbtqiia+#lgbtq #lgbtqplus #lgbtq books #lgbtqia

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blazinghotfoggynights · 25 days

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Can Team Tuck and Team Buddie please agree that both can exist and serve as positive spaces for queer male representation?

I've been thinking. Let me run something by you.

Oliver says he has always felt Buck was a bi-coded character? Right?

Does that mean when TK thought Buck was hitting on him, he was?

If Buck was always bi, but just didn't know it, are we supposed to believe he never flirted with Eddie just because his first kiss was with Tommy?

Was Tommy his bi awakening or was Tommy the embodiment of the attractive traits he has seen in a man he's been falling for over five seasons?

You can like or even love multiple people. Even at the same time! 😮

Believing that Buddie is or should be the endgame does not negate or disrespect Buck's arc with Tommy in any way. I question if Tommy was just a convenient character. He's a safe guy to explore Buck's evolution with. He has a history with members of the 118, but he is not integral to the cast. If it doesn't work out, he is easily explained away. Remember Natalia?

I think it is possible to have a Buck and Tommy centered arc, focused on Buck becoming comfortable with his sexuality and exploring it in a healthy, positive way and still have Buck and Eddie eventually realize they have been each other's person for years. Having both doesn't make the other any less important. How many people have dated others when their eventual life partner was right there? They had no idea they saw that person in that way.

Now that we know Buck is bi, it could lead to different interpretations of scenes:

Buck is looking at Eddie. Tommy is not there and we don't know for sure who Eddie was speaking to.

2. Look at that smile and his eyes at the end. Buck positively beams and bats his eyes when he realizes Eddie is going to look at him. That's how platonic friends look at each other?

3. But we can take it all the way back if we have to. Look at Buck when Eddie compliments him.

3b. Do you know what that reminds me of?

4. If Buck has subconciously been into guys for a long time, then this scene takes on a whole new context.

Moving closer to the other man? Check.

Eye contact? Check?

Smile and shy head duck? Check.

*I'd like to state that I have no doubt Edmundo Diaz knew Buck was into him. Look at the reaction.

5. When I'm into someone, you know what I don't talk about? Someone else.

6. Wow. Look at how Buck looks at Tommy.

6b. We have never seen that before have we?

Buck x Tommy and Buck x Eddie can coexist in harmony. Life stories are long and have jumpscares, plot twists, plot holes, etc.

Buck being genuinely attracted to Tommy doesn't mean that all the scenes from the past five seasons that made us all side-eye Evan Buckley didn't happen.

If we never get Buddie, let's just take the win. ABC said, "There are queer men in the world who are masculine, hot, and relatively stable. Let's show that."

Do we really need to talk about how the LGBTQ community was represented on their former network? I could stand on that soapbox and go off for days. Let's just say I know others who also felt some way about it, whether they were straight, queer, or allies.

I am just going to enjoy what is shaping up to be an amazing season. Moving to ABC breathed new life into 911 and I am excited. (Season six? Can we just not talk about it?)

#911 abc #9 1 1 buddie #911 on abc #buck x eddie #buddie 911 #buddie #eddie x buck #eddie diaz x evan buckley #evan buckley x eddie diaz #eddie diaz #evan buckley #evan buck buckley #buck x tommy #tuck #oliver stark #ryan guzman

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can-of-tomato-soup · 2 months

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""We need more flawed female characters" Y'all couldn' even handle Catra" Is something I've seen commented a few times to people who are critical of Catradora when the thing is that I do like Catra even If she is a flawed character. Catra as a character is not what I have problen with.

What I do have a problem with is that Shera is a show for children, possibly the first Lgbtq+ representation they see and Catradora has an abusive dynamic that is normalized. Children, especially Lgbtq+ youth might see it, relate to it and think that the way Catra treats Adora is okay when it's not.

If Shera was a show for adults, exploring toxic dynamics in Sapphic relationships would be okay. If you like Catradora because they have a toxic relationship and like exploring non healthy dynamics, that's okay. I just don't think Catradora is a ship that should be treated like it is considering that the show is for kids.

#anti catradora #spop #spop critical #she ra and the princesses of power #canoftomatosoup

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starlight-bread-blog · 7 months

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Within the Loki series, taken out of who Loki was in phases 1-3, Lokius is seriously growing on me.

Loki and Mobius have a great bond, built on support and understanding.

Sylki is selfcest, Loki x Loki. We won't be missing out on anything. (In fact, I think it'd be for the best). I can easily see this going on the romance route.

But from what I remember, I wouldn't call it queerbaiting. Nor would I cite it as a reason to ship them.

My reason is good mlm representation from Disney.

There are a lot of straight couples in the MCU. (Almost) Every main hero is in some heterosexual relationship, Loki included.

And that's not even all the relationships, there are more.

But in the LGBTQ+ department... uh.. I think it was mentioned that Valkyrie had a girlfriend... uh... America Chavez had a pride pin... and Loki:

Wow!! How brave!! That is trurly MAGNIFICENT!! Cynicism aside, I'm sure the writers cared for the representation. I don't know them. But in the context of the MCU doing the bare minimum, it's icky.

One might argue that Loki is bisexual, therefore it's biphobic to suggest that he has to be in a gay relationship in order to be bi enough. Let me be clear, you are bi enough regardless of who you date.

However, as a bisexual person myself, I strongly disagree. The MCU has been giving us nothing but crumbs. Disney doesn't give a fuck about good representation. They want to attract queer wallets, but still keep it short enough to delete the scene for Russia and China. Us queers deserve better.

There was an opportunity to break out of this pattern, to give us an exploration of a queer experience. But we weren't given that. Time and time again, we aren't given that. And I fundamentally reject the notion that it's biphobic to criticize them for it.

Lokius could have been the MCU's first healthy queer relationship of a main character that is given an arc. I'm rooting for them all the way.

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tulip-in-a-cup3 · 6 months

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Is the Romantic comedy is still relevant?

Like many, I have spent countless endless hours watching romantic comedies. At one point they were the only sort of film I consumed (a very dark period) and also one of the many sparks of my love of film. But as I grew, changed and discovered all sorts of different films I next to completely forgot all about rom-coms only really revisiting them when I feel the need to turn my brain off and watch pretty people do things on screen. But now when I do turn one on I can't help but but notice how painfully sexist and unproductive they can be.

The romantic comedy is a very popular offshoot of the classic comedy genre. Rom-coms have been around since the time of Shakespeare's A Midsummer's night dream. The romantic comedy focuses on the romantic relationship between two characters. The movie usually follows a fairly basic structure with the characters meeting, falling for each other, facing some sort of adversity, and ultimately having a happy ending with them together. That's not to say some don’t break out of this with 500 days of summer being a perfect example. This genre of film became increasingly popular particularly among women because it was one of the only times that women were at the forefront of a movie. They were also easy, quick, and incredibly cheap to make. Allowing them to make massive profits when it came to the box office. Although romcoms did see a significant decline during the late 2000s and early 2010s we have seen a steady increase in them since the rise of streaming platforms producing their movies. On these streaming platforms, romantic comedies have managed to find an audience but that poses the question: are romantic comedies still relevant today?

Most romantic comedies tend to all have main characters that are white, cis-gendered, heterosexual, skinny, and Neurotypical. The rom-con never really showed the range and forms love could take. Rom-coms also sprinkled in this lovely layer of misogynistic undertones. Films like How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days depict women as “emotional, irrational and clingy” and that all these behaviours do is drive a man away, men of course being the complete opposite of these behaviours. Bride wars also show women in questionable ways with the leads completely turning on each other simply because of a wedding venue. Reinforcing the stereotype that marriage is a woman’s number one endgame. Even my personal favourite Bridget Jones isn’t immune to the problems laced throughout rom-coms. Bridget acted like her very healthy 136lb made her disgustingly fat or the fact she felt her whole life was a failure due to her being SINGLE of all things. There are many more examples I don't wish to get into that show how Rom-coms treat women. But does this mean we need to throw them in the bin completely?

No of course not it was an unproductive question in the first place. rom-coms can be misogynistic, but they are also changing take for example movies like To All The Boys I've Loved Before which has an asian american protagonist or Crush on Disney Plus which has a lesbian lead and follows multiple lgbtq characters (although it did get next zero marketing and only me and like three other people know it about subject for another day). The rom-com is not the same anymore just like how the landscape of film has changed. People are demanding representation and slowly we are receiving it. The rom-com is also one of the only genres that is dominated by women and tearing it down and ripping into does in some regard play into the demonization of all things enjoyed by women. Rom-coms are still relevant because love is still relevant. We just need to see it done in a way that reflects the variety of love we have and doesn't reinforce outdated stereotypes about women OR men. Rom-coms bring a lot of joy and fun that cinema needs and branding them as not relevant is moving backwards.

#movie #movie review #cinemetography #movies #film #filmmaking #500 days of summer #bridget jones diary #bridget jones #how to lose a guy in 10 days #movie critic #feminism #to all the boys i've loved before #crush

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genericpuff · 6 months

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REALLY silly theory incoming.

In her first q&a in webtoon, RS stated she loves drawing people hook up, and she wants to draw it all the time(which is a little weird imo).

So I started jokingly thinking when I remembered this: Is THIS why so many LO plots and subplots revolve around sexual acts? Beacuse she likes drawing it?

I highly doubt this silly thought to be true, especially since it seems she doesn't even like drawing in LO anymore, but it made me giggle when I first thought of it

I don't even know what to glean of her saying she loves drawing people hooking up anymore because she literally skipped over the most anticipated sequence in the entire series - the wedding.

I do think she has a lot of weird sexual undertones going on in the series though that feel kind of internalized. Shit like the backwards reinforcement of gender norms, poor representation (and sometimes even downright erasure) of queer/LGBTQ+ people, the infantilization of Persephone, etc. Like, it's forgoing actual healthy sexual interaction for just creepy and problematic unhealthy dynamics and undertones. If that makes sense lol

#she only likes drawing a very specific kind of couple hooking up #probably doesn't help either tho that she's publishing on WT #lore olympus critical #lo critical #anti lore olympus #ask me anything #ama #anon ask me anything #anon ama

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the-aaaaa-battery · 22 days

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So I just reread Loveless by Alice Oseman and it was crazy how much it resonated with me. I've read it before, so I thought I knew what to expect, but I guess I forgot a bit of the story between the last time I read it and now, because rereading it was like, "Wow. This is incredible."

Of course, no two a-spec (or LGBTQ+ in general) stories are the same. But as I read, I was surprised how many similarities there were between me and Georgia (the main character, for those who haven't read the book).

For example, I've always grown up thinking about the one. Thinking about my wedding when I got older. Wondering what it would be like to kiss somebody, and kind of making-up crushes on boys. I liked romance (it wasn't my favorite genre, but I enjoyed it). And learning about the a-spectrum in general.

I really hate the fact that society normalizes having sexual and romantic relationships, or wanting to have them, or the idea that your life is more successful if you have a relationship. I used to worry about my future husband because of the social norm of "the husband is older than the wife" (I'm AFAB and one of the oldest students in my grade, so I was worried that anyone I chose to marry would be a grade above me).

Can we please see more healthy a-spec representation?

(Also, for those who haven't read Loveless yet, I really recommend it! It's a really good read and it isn't just about being aroace - it's about friendships and growing up and facing fears and stuff.)

#asexual #aromantic #aroace #aspec #ace #aro #asexuality #aromantism #loveless #alice oseman #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq+#book recommendations

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jucyfruit · 19 days

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Boy Power: The Women of Boygenius on the Joys of Nourishing a Supergroup Without the Superegos

By Chris Willman

The three singer-songwriters who make up Boygenius are musing about what they did and didn’t intend to accomplish when they went into the studio to make “The Record.” The six Grammy nominations they just collectively reeled in for their first full-length album together? Not actually part of the master plan. Neither was establishing themselves as role models for a much-needed sense of community across a swath of young America.

“We didn’t set out to be like, ‘And we symbolize friendship!’” bandmate Julien Baker points out, musing about the benevolent qualities that have been attributed to the group. “We just were like, ‘Let’s make a good record.’”

Fair enough. But have we mentioned that Variety‘s Group of the Year does, in fact, symbolize friendship — to the point that the band has virtually become an iconic representation of trifold intimacy? Sharing the bond the trio developed in the studio and on the road has been a key part of the appeal for the band’s avid fan base. It’s a conclusion that band member Lucy Dacus was not avoiding when she recently told Teen Vogue that “being affectionate onstage has been really fun and sweet, and it exhibits behavior that I think is healthy and good.” They even wrote about their growing closeness in meta album tracks like “Leonard Cohen.” “True Blue,” their signature loyalty ballad, may or may not be about the group itself, it’s hard to escape the feeling that a line like “It feels good to be known so well” somehow applies not just to the trio’s interpersonal relationships but to the generally progressive, empathetic, LGBTQ-friendly, folk-rocking audience at a Boygenius show.

No wonder Boygenius seemed to consistently have the longest merch lines of 2023 (at least this side of Taylor Swift’s), with fans seeking ways to fly their colors. In what can still register as a man’s world, suddenly, it kind of felt like everybody wanted to be a boy.

A concert by the trio has its rituals. The band members describe a private rite that occurs early in a set, right after they’ve opened the show with a handful of their hardest-charging songs, like “Satanist” (another friendship song, once you get past the irreverent title) and “$20,” and are transitioning into something more reflective. “We have a little moment where we look at each other during ‘True Blue’ every show,” Dacus reveals, looking across the table at bandmate Phoebe Bridgers, “and sometimes I’ll wink at you and be like, ‘Here’s the time where we check in.’ And sometimes I feel like we can see when each of us feel crazy.”

Bridgers agrees, saying, “Or we have a weird day, and we have to look at each other and just be like, ‘Oh, my God, this day is still trudging on,’” suggesting that there are hidden cues and codes being passed around while Dacus’ soft voice is tucking an audience of thousands into a warm, communal bath.

But there’s a more public-facing ritual at the end of the show, when the members basically pile on each other in some form or another. It can look like sheer, rough horseplay, but given that everyone in the group identifies as queer, these full-body collisions also been described in reviews or fan comments as “Sapphic” moments. How would they characterize them? “It’s Sapphic horseplay!” says Bridgers, grinning, and maybe not entirely kidding. “That is exactly what it is.”

“With the horseplay,” says Dacus, taking that term and running with it, “sometimes we kiss. Sometimes we spin around. Sometimes we throw things at the audience. Sometimes we crowd-surf. Sometimes we pick up Julien or bow to her. It’s never really planned. Sometimes our tits are out.”

Bridgers remembers what felt like a signal change moment at a London show in the summer: “Someone got on her friend’s shoulders and flashed me in Gunnersbury Park. It was right after we took our shirts off the first time” at their prior show. “I was like, ‘This is so sick'” — the good kind of sick — “‘that someone feels safe enough to do this.’”

Dacus agrees. “Yeah, it doesn’t feel violent or violating in that particular circumstance. Like, if someone walked by and flashed us right now, I’d be like, Uhhhh. But, yeah, there’s something about what the show culminates in, where it does feel very safe and celebratory.”

Where we are right now is the outdoor patio of a Studio City coffeehouse, where the only things being flashed are Baker’s easing-into-autumn sweater, or slightly more provocative items like the “I Love Cuntry Music” trucker hat that Dacus has just doffed, or the Viagra Boys cap that Bridgers keeps on, maybe to deflect any possible attention that passers-by might otherwise give to her tell-tale platinum hair. The few passersby wouldn’t guess that this is a group about to play a long-sold-out headline show at the Hollywood Bowl for its 2023 tour finale, or to do “Saturday Night Live” a week and a half after that. They’re laid-back and still capable of surprising and delighting each other in conversation, and not at all giving off any America’s Greatest Current Rock Band vibes, although they’ve earned the right to some attitude, with an album that much of the indie-rock crowd and not a few critics would agree is the year’s best.

“Phoebe was the one that was like, ‘This is gonna be big,’” Dacus says. “I had aspirations; you had plans,” she says, looking at Bridgers. “You were like, ‘We’re gonna do it!’”

“We had talked about the Hollywood Bowl in the kitchen of Shangri-La, remember that?” Bridgers says, referring to the Malibu studio owned by Rick Rubin, where they cut “The Record.”

“But I didn’t have any context,” Baker says, noting that neither she nor Dacus had ever set foot in America’s most iconic venue, having grown up around Memphis and Richmond, Va., respectively, versus the Pasadena stomping grounds that’d given Bridgers lifelong access to some bigger dreams. “Our last show” — in Los Angeles, at the end of their debut 2018 tour — “we played the Wiltern, and I was tearful backstage,” Baker says, as she remembers exulting: “‘I’m so proud of us! All my dreams have come true!’ Like I’d topped out.”

The Bowl, and Madison Square Garden just before it, were milestones even for Bridgers, the most visible solo artist of the three prior to this year. She’d topped out herself locally, maybe, at the Greek. Then a funny thing happened on the way to the Cahuenga Pass: “The Record” immediately established Bridgers, Baker and Dacus as equals in every way, even in the eyes of fans who might previously have favored or just been more immersed in one solo career or another. There was magic to how evenly gifted and well matched they were as frontwomen, as songwriters, as harmonizers. They truly put the super back in “supergroup” … and took the ego out of superego, in a manner of speaking.

Strength in numbers: What a concept! Why didn’t anyone ever try it before? Well, there’ve been a few tries at bringing existing titans together over the years, and hoping they wouldn’t clash. There was Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, and Asia, and the Souther-Hillman-Furay Band and … um … Well, let’s let the geniuses here come up with some slightly more contemporary analogues.

“You could look at Broken Social Scene and New Pornographers,” Baker says, but as soon as she starts dissecting the dynamics of those groups, it’s clear there aren’t really any recent antecedents that compare.

“I bet a lot of people try it, with a pretense that falls apart once they start to make it,” Dacus says, and then affirms why they’ve been able to come up with a successful joint project where others before them have bailed. “This collaboration is as important to each of us, if not more important, than our solo work,” she says. “And I bet a lot of supergroups are, even internally, thinking of it as a side project or a momentary thing.”

Bridgers agrees. “Yeah, because you’re going to make a third of what you’d earn making your own thing. So you’re like, ‘It’s my side thing — I’ll devote six months to it.’ But we put as much attention into it as if we were making our own records. The album took us so long to make, and we worked on it relentlessly. It was pretty serious from day one.”

Baker says, “It’s sick that the band has an identity that’s more than the sum of its parts.” (This maxim may be the closest Boygenius will ever come to a cliché, but they, and you, have got to embrace one that is this mathematically inescapable.)

When it came to the material they brought to the table, far from coming up with tunes that felt like discards from their solo releases, “The Record” ended up being chock-full of extremely personal and introspective songs. But it also included some of the most inherently commercial songs any of them have done, apart or together. You may recall that Bridgers had to be kind of coerced into making “Kyoto” a banger; in each other’s company, there was no such reticence.

“Definitely with ‘Not Strong Enough,’” Bridgers says, “I was like, ‘It’d be fun to have a radio song.’” (And, as it turns out, a Grammy song; it’s up for record of the year.) “With the songs that we were gravitating toward, we knew ‘True Blue’” — a Dacus-led ballad — “was gonna be such an indie smash, and fucking ‘Satanist’” — conceived by Baker — “goes so hard. ‘Strong Enough’ was the one we finished last, and I was like, ‘Let’s each write and sing a verse, because this could be the single.’” It didn’t feel like a sellout. “A lot of stuff that would feel contrived, solo, doesn’t feel contrived with these guys, because it’s just all in the spirit of fun and being together. And, yeah, it’s the first time I’ve ever been like, ‘Damn, people are gonna sing along to this part!’”

That delirious spirit stands in healthy contrast to the sad-core image some people might have slapped onto one or all of the band members. But it’s hardly all about the mirth. At the Bowl, as on every other night in the latter parts of the tour, Bridgers asked the audience to put away all phones for the album’s devastating final track, “Letter to an Old Poet,” as she walked the semicircular platform separating the front two seating areas. She says, “Every once in a while I see a phone and I fume, but mostly they’re great and they put their phones away. And because most of the show has been looking through people’s phones and not at their faces, suddenly they become a roomful of people, and it’s insanely powerful to me.”

Why that number in particular, for shutting down cameras? Is it just one of a dozen possible moments to make that request, or is there something in particular about this one’s wounded and angry spirit…

“I play plenty of heavy songs,” Bridges says, “but that one feels too dark to not be having a communal experience.”

“Isn’t that the only time that you’ve cried while doing a vocal take — during that song?” Dacus asks.

“Yeah. I had a couple years where I had a hard time crying,” Bridgers affirms. “I’m over it now, thank God. Now I cry all the time. But ‘Letter to an Old Poet’ is one of the only times I’ve cried onstage.”

“Lucky,” Dacus says. “I hate crying onstage. It happens. I hate that shit.”

These asides about tears might give a Boygenius novice the wrong impression about the band. Even their softer songs tend to have a barb in them, and others, like the screamfests “$20” or “Satanist,” are undeniably hard-ass. A cutting irreverence is the hallmark that makes the sentimental moments honest and disarming.

Their irreverence comes through in their choice of stage or TV outfits too: At the Bowl, they dressed up as the Father, Son and Holy Ghost (with Dave Grohl sitting in briefly on drums as a zombie priest). “If you think of a three-person costume,” Baker explains, “what’s three things? We were like, ‘We could be the Trinity.’” Maybe it’s just as simple as that — numbers as Halloween destiny. But the band members don’t demur when the suggestion comes up that maybe it also had something to do with the phrase that is repeated over and over again in the bridge of “Not Strong Enough”: “Always an angel, never a god.” They switched up that equation, if just for one night, getting deistic at the Bowl.

Less than two weeks later, for “SNL,” they dressed up as the Beatles in their Ed Sullivan-era early prime. The Trinity? The Fab Four? Screw CSNY and all the rest; these women know a real supergroup when they see one.

When “SNL” came around, it was clear they would only be emulating the Beatles and not, like, the Who. There was definitely not going to be any attempt on the show to repeat Bridgers’ guitar-smashing solo appearance of 2021. “Hey, I tried,” she says about not quite fully breaking her ax on that occasion; the guitar took a licking, but almost kept on ticking, a resilience she was amused, not annoyed, by.

This year, the group has been more about melting hearts than heating up flame wars — whether that’s been in their more nakedly revealing songs or taking up causes like dressing in drag in Nashville to support the trans community under political attack there, or inviting Indigenous groups to provide invocations before select tour dates.

When the band receives its Group of the Year award at Variety‘s Hitmakers event, Joan Baez will be presenting the honor to the trio. That may seem like an odd pairing if you’re only considering Boygenius’ more irreverent moments, but an utterly apropos matchup if you are keeping in mind the band’s deeply earnest side and, especially, the social conscience that flares up around their performances. As it happens, the group has also performed at Baez’s Bread and Roses benefits in the Bay area.

“Oh my God,” says Dacus. “Sometimes I have to remember how important she is, because in our experience of her, she’s just been super-kind, and complimenting us, and then it’s like, ‘You’re Joan Baez! You made music joyfully political for a whole generation of people!’ Sometimes we lament how people in media are asked to basically be politicians now…”

“Because politicians aren’t being politicians,” Bridgers interjects — “they’re being fucking TV stars.”

“But she set this example of, because you’re a human, you have to stand for things,” Dacus continues. “So, it’s not because we’re musicians that we care about these causes, it’s because we’re people, and we would be caring about them if we all had office jobs. A lot of people are afraid to do that, and she wasn’t, and it’s a great example for us. We are not very afraid to say what we believe. … Just as a person, I hope to be like her.”

Bridgers notes that Baez, in her initial heyday as America’s folkie sweetheart, “was losing opportunities because she was radical — and then that ended up being the fuel for her whole career. How radical she was was then rewarded.” She sums up Baez’s appeal in a nutshell: “Woody Guthrie was screeching this, and I’m gonna sing it.” (They crack up, with Bridgers noting that no offense to anyone living or dead was intended: “We’re big Woody fans.”)

Baker has thoughts about how they earn the right to be what might be perceived as political, whether it’s something as seemingly un-divisive as having Indigenous people do Land Acknowledgements introductions before their sets, or speaking up on trans or reproductive choice issues.

“Giving them something of ourselves in the songs is like an endearment practice, where we’re like, ‘You will trust us because you have an emotional connection to something we’ve said that resonates with you.’ So when we are in drag at the Nashville show [just after the state enacted anti-drag laws], kids are trusting our judgment, because we’ve gone to the trouble of sharing something difficult or even painful for us to communicate. Then it’s worth it for them to enter that conversation, because we’ve set the stakes of like what’s important to communicate, even if involves conflict or pain.”

The songs themselves aren’t always, if ever, aimed at the fans, though. Sometimes the target audience for the material is, well, Boygenius.

“We write songs to each other as a communication method,” Baker says.

Bridgers doesn’t think it should be mistaken for oversharing. “We have plenty of stuff that’s sacred and not shown to anybody other than each other. I think there’s this weird misconception sometimes that we don’t have a private relationship, because so much of it this year has been monetized in our performance.” And yet, Dacus says, their music is as transparently interpersonal as it sounds. “Some friendships over years don’t get to enough of a level of intimacy to share the types of fears and desires and hopes that we are saying.”

“We hang out,” declares Baker, as if this might not be a matter-of-fact thing for a working rock group. (It doesn’t go without saying.)

How long will the hang last?

In October, the band put out a four-song EP called “The Rest,” a sequel or companion piece to “The Record.” The title does have an air of at least temporary finality to it, as if the cupboard is bare. Says Bridgers, “It’s funny that it’s called ‘The Rest,’ because we absolutely do have more songs that we didn’t put out.”

But where do they go from here? In 2023, did the side hustle so overtake the main hustle that they should keep Boygenius going into 2024, when they could certainly sell out sheds or maybe even arenas they didn’t come near this year? They’ve already broken with supergroup form so much; would it be a terrible thing if they were to further break it to the point of unexpectedly doing an immediate, sequential band album? Or do they revert to their solo corners? Fans might wish there could be a multiverse in which the band never pauses, on one track, and individual careers proceed apace on another.

Conventional wisdom would suggest they will not let solo albums go unmade just for the sake of rocking more venues. But you will not get a definitive answer here.

“I don’t know,” says Bridgers. “It’s incredible to me that we have kept the ethos behind the band the whole way, which is: it just has to be fun. We’ve done a lot of shit, but there’s also shit we said no to, stuff that felt like it was like pushing a boundary as far as travel or labor and stuff that sounds like we might push ourselves into not having fun. So that gets to continue forward, after this album cycle. I think we just are gonna do whatever is fun, and remain each other to each other. These guys are as involved in what I do as they are in Boygenius. We show each other ideas, and…”

“We need each other’s brains,” Dacus says.

So is it possible to specifically say that solo albums are what’s next, or do they want to leave a bit of mystery?

The attempt to pin it down leaves them unusually cagey. “It’s a mystery,” Bridgers says.

Dacus: “I’ll just say I’m not thinking about it.”

Bridgers: “Oh, yeah. It’s a mystery to us.”

Dacus, having the final noncommittal word: “If it’s a mystery to you, it’s a mystery to us too.”

Hard to tell whether there might be any real indecision here, or whether they just don’t want to lay out all their cards for the outside world, or whether they might be having a difficult time reconciling themselves to a near-future in which they might be Zoom advisors to one another instead of daily physical confidantes.

In the immediate meanwhile, there is Grammy season, and a slew of awards to be won, or not won. Bridgers has some experience there, with her multiple nominations in 2021. “It was still very deeply fucking COVID when I was nominated, and I was pretty like traumatized last time, and like the only way I felt it was on the phone. To find out in a room full of people and be celebrating, it’s already way more fun.” Dacus says being collectively recognized is “triple the joy, right? Much easier to feel happy for them” than for herself, she says. “Much easier to feel.”

Is there a line from any of their songs that could maybe encapsulate how they’re feeling right now, between the six Grammy noms, the “SNL” appearance and the impending end-of-year accolades? At that question, they start to laugh.

“Give me your funny ones,” someone says.

Then Dacus says, “Ohhh, I have a cute one.”

“Which one?” the others ask, curious to get an earnest answer after all.

Quoting one of her own lyrics, Dacus lowers her voice, as if it’s suddenly occurred to her that it’s a secret that she’s sharing. “‘I never thought you’d happen to me,’” she says.

(x) photos by Jingyu Lin

#boygenuis #julien baker #lucy dacus #phoebe bridgers #interviews #archival #variety #november 2023

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