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onlyhuis · 1 year

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leaning on the everlasting arms

member — childhood best friend! pastor's son!joshua x f reader genre — angst, smut, some fluff, bible college au word count — 10.3k (my first fic over 10k wowie!!) synopsis — as kids growing up in the same church, you and joshua were inseperable, until you got to an age where it was considered immoral for girls and boys to be friends. when you find him again just before graduation, he's different than you remember; but so are you. content warnings — female reader, she/her, reader is implied to be smaller (i'm sorry), discussion of gender roles & religion, no religion is mentioned by name but it's heavily implied to be a form of christianity, reader & shua are both seniors in college, reader wears skirts/dresses but not really by choice, this whole thing is pretty blasphemous oops smut warnings — descriptions of female anatomy, virgin!joshua x virgin!reader, mutual masturbation, phone sex, unprotected sex, fingering, oral (reader receiving), hints of a voice kink, size kink, praise, begging, really vanilla missionary but it's hot, nicknames (sweetheart, baby, angel) notes — although i am no longer religious, this is partially based off of my own experiences with the extremely traditional christian church i was raised in. however, please keep in mind that this is fiction and does not reflect my beliefs nor joshua's beliefs so don't take the plot too seriously. this piece is not meant to discuss whether certain religions are "right" or "wrong" so please do not comment/send me asks trying to start a debate! we're all just here for a little sexy time with shua it's not that deep note #2 — for those who aren't familiar, the title is the name of a hymn and i thought it was funny bc joshua big sexy arms hehehe

as far back as you could remember, joshua was your closest friend.

his father was the pastor of the church your family went to, and as luck would have it you were both in the same grade, so it wasn’t long before you became inseparable. you saw him at minimum three times a week: sunday morning, sunday evening, wednesday evening.

you spent most of your childhood together. sitting next to each other at every service, sharing your bibles with each other whenever one of you left them at home, sneaking donuts away from the box at the table outside the sermon hall that was supposed to only be for the adults.

you did everything together, and told each other everything. that is, until you reached middle school. boys and girls weren’t allowed to sit in the same services anymore, and you had to stay in separate buildings for every church camp and conference.

the worst part was you didn’t even understand why. what did they think you were gonna do with him? kiss him? no amount of money in the world could get you to do that! joshua was your best friend. who else were you supposed to climb trees and build forts and sneak donuts with? kissing was stupid.

when you asked your mom about it, she told you the same thing everyone else did: about how men of god had a different path and needed to hear different messages in order to grow up to lead their own churches one day. you thought it was stupid. what if a woman wanted to lead a church, why are men the ones that have to do it? but she would just shake her head and tell you it's just the way things work in the church, you'll understand when you're older.

you were allowed near him less and less until the only time you were able to see him was at the after-service brunch with his family, and even then that began to happen less and less as the years went on.

and of course it was church rules, so there was no arguing with them because that would mean arguing with god, and who were you to question his authority? there would be no special exception for you, no matter how much you protested to your mom that you would never, ever think about joshua like that. in a fit of anger one day you blew up at her, shouting that she had had friends of the opposite gender when she was in high school, so why couldn’t you? it wasn’t fair. but she had just sighed and stared out the window, clearly ending the conversation. many years passed before she finally told you about her life before she came to church, recalling all the times she had been hurt by men she had loved and trusted. you understood then why she had wanted to keep you sheltered and safe, but you still didn’t agree. but then again, if you had been allowed to do what you wanted then maybe things would never have ended up the way they did. perhaps you have her to thank.

back then, all you could do was hold on to the little time you had with him until eventually you stopped seeing him altogether.

more summers passed and you started spending all of your time memorizing bible verses with your fellow “women of christ”, missing the way you used to spend your time with your best friend.

but then you went off to bible college like had always been planned for you, and everything changed. instead of continuing to follow the strict schedule that was laid out for you, you finally got a little taste of freedom, and you realized what you’d been missing all this time. everything that you’d been taught was sinful, evil, wicked, was what brought you more pleasure than you’d ever known was possible.

you still had to pretend to be a good girl for the people around you, who, for reasons you couldn’t comprehend, were still dedicated to their life of purity. or at least they acted like it. maybe everyone was secretly just like you, hiding their sins behind a friendly smile and a firm handshake every sunday morning.

you weren’t hurting anyone with the things you did in private, and the feeling of rebellion was a kind of satisfaction you didn’t know you were allowed to feel. you were an adult, making your own choices now and facing whatever consequences that came with them.

there was only one consequence. for some reason, all the impure thoughts you had always centered around joshua. no matter what dirty books you read or videos you watched, the man you always pictured giving it to you was joshua.

you hated that after all these years, everything still came back to him. you fought it, tried imagining actors or celebrities in his place instead; characters from your books and movies and shows, anyone but him. you wanted to save whatever memories you had left of him, think of him in a good light like you used to when you were younger, but the way he plagued your mind was worse than the ones in the book of exodus.

but now, in your final year of college, you thought you had finally gotten yourself under control.

that is, until you were leaving one of your bible lectures and all the control you’d convinced yourself that you had crumbled away in mere seconds when you saw a startlingly familiar face standing by the door. a face you hadn’t seen in far too long.

“joshua?”

“hey,” he says with a smile, like no time has passed at all. like it’s been hours since you’ve seen each other, not years.

there are so many things you want to say, so many things you want to ask him, but you’re frozen in place. why is he here? where has he been? how did he find you again?

“it’s been a while,” he says with an awkward laugh when you don’t say anything.

you nod, still in a daze. “yeah. quite a while.”

he smiles. “well, anyway, i’ve got a meeting to go to in a bit, but… i just wanted to see you.”

“oh,” you say. what else is there to say? what can you say to make up for the years lost that you’ll never get back?

he looks at his watch, the conversation clearly coming to an end.

“can i give you my phone number?” he says. a deep shade of pink creeps into his cheeks but he either doesn’t notice or purposely doesn’t acknowledge it. “maybe we can talk sometime, catch up.”

“i– yeah,” you manage. god, it’s so good seeing him again. “yeah, that would be really nice.”

you’ve given up on homework for the night, spending your entire afternoon in a daze since you ran into joshua.

so many years, yet you still can’t get his smile out of your head.

you close your eyes, hand dipping below the waistband of your pajama pants automatically. it’s frightening how easily you’re able to bring up a picture of him in your mind, so much clearer than before now that you’ve seen what he looks like all grown up.

and grown up, he has. you had been too stunned to get a good look at him while he was in front of you, but the way he’d changed was immediately apparent and the image in your brain now feels almost unreal.

his hair was a little longer and a little darker, and he was much taller, with broad shoulders that looked way too perfect in a suit jacket. but his face hadn’t changed a bit. maybe his jaw was a little bit sharper and his smile lines were a little bit deeper, but his eyes were the same ones you had always known.

your hand slips lower and lower until you’re gently running the tips of your fingers over the panel of your underwear covering your pussy, moaning quietly when you feel how wet you are already.

no wonder it’s been so hard for you to focus all day. you’ve been too busy pushing away thoughts of joshua burying his fingers in your tight, wet cunt, cooing about how good you’re being for him and how long he’s waited for you.

automatically you feel your other hand grabbing for your phone, desperate to hear his voice again. you hadn’t said more than a few sentences to him earlier, but you feel like you’ll go crazy if you don’t hear him while you’re in this state. so needy for him and only him, and he doesn’t even know it.

your fingers shake as you press the buttons, knowing you’re about to get yourself into a whole world of trouble but not being able to stop yourself.

“hey.” he answers on the second ring. his tone is deep and husky, and your breath catches in your throat for a second, not used to hearing him talk like that; the last time you heard his voice was long before puberty, and you’re still navigating how to talk to this older, sexier joshua.

your first thought is to wonder if his morning voice sounds equally as sexy, but you’re immediately pushing it out of your head when you hear what sounds like him stifling a yawn.

“sorry, did i wake you? it– it’s not important,” you start, ashamed of how needy you are that you’d call him in the middle of the damn night, unprovoked, like some kind of bible group booty call.

the regret is already starting to set in. he probably hasn’t changed as much as you've built him up in your mind, probably still the obedient gentleman he was before. he’s probably already well on his way to being the head of a church, so of course he wouldn’t be thinking about you like that—

“no. it’s fine,” he says, interrupting your thoughts. “always have time for you, sweetheart. what’s up?”

you shove down the butterflies that flutter up in your stomach at the name he calls you, a nickname he always called you when you were kids because he was taught it was always polite to talk sweet to a lady.

except it feels so much different now. talking sweet to a lady as kids was easy, innocent. but one wrong word now would completely change the meaning behind those pretty words of his, and you aren’t sure how to feel about it.

“i… just– it’s been so long, joshie,” you whisper, surprised at the sudden feeling of tears springing up behind your eyes. you didn’t mean for this to happen— you didn’t mean for any of it to happen. not back then, and certainly not now.

he lets the line go quiet, finally sighing into the phone after a long pause. “i missed you… so much.” he murmurs your name, and the way the rumble in his voice goes straight through you immediately reminds you why you called him in the first place.

your free hand toys with the hem of your underwear again, fighting to keep down the whimper that threatens to escape you. “missed you too,” you breathe out. god, you can’t believe you’re doing this. but for the first time in years, the man you’ve been picturing in your head is right here with you, fulfilling some of your fantasies that you never thought could ever come true.

somewhere deep in your stomach you feel guilty about it, getting off to the thought of him and he doesn’t even know it. would he want to know? would he be okay with it? would he hate you forever if he knew?

he clears his throat, snapping you back to attention and you realize you must’ve been silent for a while, thinking.

“um, so, what are you doing?” you ask, trying to seem casual, but it comes out as anything but. nobody calls anyone this late at night and asks what they’re doing without having a dirty reason for doing so.

all you can do is hope he’s either too innocent to pick up on it, or that he doesn’t believe you’re the type of person who would call for something like that. you wonder if he still thinks of you as that perfect little obedient church girl he grew up with.

“nothing, just–working on… stuff,” he replies awkwardly. clearly he doesn’t want to go into detail about what he’s doing, and you’re already afraid you’ve interrupted his sleep; you’re mentally kicking yourself for all the blunders you’ve made, and you haven’t even been on the phone for five minutes.

“what are you doing?” he asks back, and you freeze, trying to come up with some excuse, anything. fuck, think of something!

“h-homework,” you sputter out, attempting to hide your unconfident answer with a cough.

apparently it works, because he hums in response, the line falling quiet. you hear the rustling of papers on his end, and you press your fingers harder against your cunt, heartbeat racing in your ears.

your fingers brush against your clit a little rougher than you intend, and a little whine escapes your lips, catching you off guard. you slap a hand over your mouth, hoping it had been too quiet for him to hear and he hadn’t been paying attention.

“are you…?” he asks suddenly, and your cheeks flush, caught red-handed in your sinful act.

you clear your throat, praying (both metaphorically and literally) that he doesn’t notice anything off about you. “am i what?”

his silence on the other end of the phone speaks volumes.

“joshua, oh my god, no, i–”

“what did you just say?”

you freeze. “what… did i say?”

when he speaks again, his tone is even. “don’t you know it’s a sin to take the lord’s name in vain, sweetheart?”

that nickname again, and now you know he’s doing it on purpose. innocent, pretty words, completely changed in a split second.

you let out a short laugh, scrambling to find a cover. “must’ve forgot then.”

he hums. “i remember you spent a whole month trying to memorize the ten commandments. we must’ve been what, eight or nine? you wouldn’t have forgotten. i may not have seen you since we were kids, but i’ve still known you most of my life.”

“it was an accident, you know how it is. just slips out. of course i remember them all.”

he tsks, and it feels like your heart stops. “did you forget that lying is a sin, too? you’re two for two now, wanna try for a third?”

damn him! damn his good memory and damn his stupid witty comebacks and damn the way he so quickly manages to unravel you.

you scowl and don’t respond to his question, your silence enough of an answer for joshua to know he’s right.

“why did you call me tonight?” he asks calmly.

you answer truthfully this time. “just wanted to hear your voice again. i really did miss you.”

the phone goes quiet again, and for a second you’re afraid he’s hung up, but then you hear him exhale. “it’s late. what are you doing?”

“i’m in bed, josh. don’t worry, father, i’m not staying up past my bedtime.”

he chooses to ignore your remark. “in bed doing what?”

you give him a half-suppressed laugh. “in bed laying down. what else would i be doing?”

“well, with the way you were trying to hide your moans earlier, i would’ve figured you were doing something more exciting. but if you’re just laying down, then i don't want to keep you long, might as well hang up…”

“no!” you squeak out, cutting him off. you swallow, trying to collect yourself as you repeat the word. “no. fine, whatever, you caught me. but– please, stay.” you can hear the plea in your voice and you know you should be embarrassed at how pathetic you sound, but you aren't. the only thing you can think about is joshua, joshua, joshua, and how good it feels to talk to him again.

“i’m here,” he says softly, and you let your eyes close with a sigh, relieved he’s not going to chastise you. but as much as you’ve both changed as you grew up, deep down you knew he wouldn’t. you figure you could do just about anything and he wouldn’t try to tell you what to do. he’d always been like that, and it’s what you’d loved about him; he never tried to control you or shame you for not acting like the perfect little angel everybody wanted you to be.

you couldn’t say the same about others in the church. maybe that’s why you’d started to drift away from them and why joshua’s friendship coming to an end had left you so devastated. he had been the one and only person you could always count on, and they had not.

“are you still there?” he asks gently, and you realize you’ve been quiet for too long thinking.

“yeah,” you say finally.

“are you still touching yourself?”

you pause, stifling a gasp, taken aback by his forwardness. hearing him say it out loud made everything seem so real, the realization setting in about what you’re actually doing. “n– no.”

and it’s true. your hand has long since dropped away from your pajama pants, too nervous about being discovered to continue.

“well, why not?” he says. “don’t stop on my account.”

your mouth falls open. “i–”

“clearly you wanted something from me when you called. what is it, sweetheart? i can’t help you if i don’t know what it is you want.”

your brain practically short circuits at that, and it takes a very long minute for you to collect your thoughts into a coherent sentence. you want a lot of things, but you don’t know what’s okay to say or not or if he even wants to keep going. which is a silly thought, because he wouldn’t have asked if he didn’t want to know. it dawns on you that maybe… maybe he’s curious, maybe he’s thinking about you, too.

“what kind of help?” you ask, still testing the waters. you think you have an idea of what he means, but you ask anyway. you’ve never done anything like this with anyone else, only by yourself; not because you didn’t want to, but because you didn’t want it to be with someone who wasn’t joshua.

“you said you wanted to hear my voice,” he says, and you swear his tone has dropped an octave. “then let me talk to you.”

you whine a little, still holding back but not putting in as much effort to hide it. “m’kay.”

“would it make you feel better if i told you i’m hard right now?”

you suck in a breath. “yeah?”

“yeah,” he says. “just thinking about you.”

you feel a rush of emotion at his admittance. pride? satisfaction? whatever it is, it makes your cunt throb, knowing that just the thought of you can get him going.

finally you dare to slide your hand down your pants again, unsurprised when you find your underwear sticking to you with how wet you are. you’re soaking, and you haven’t even done anything yet.

“hold on,” you manage, putting the call on speaker as you set your phone on the table beside your bed, scrambling to shove your pants and ruined panties off and onto the floor.

once free, you pick up your phone and turn off the speaker, holding it to your ear with shaky hands.

“all ready now?” he asks softly, and it reminds you of what he used to say before you’d play pretend games together. always making sure you were ready. he was hot back then, too, and you mentally curse yourself for never realizing it sooner.

you hum. “mhm. comfortable.”

“good,” he says, and you can almost hear him smiling. “go ahead and do whatever you’d like. but i want you to tell me what you’re thinking about right now.”

you squirm a little on the bed as you start to circle your clit with your fingers. “thinking about you, joshua,” you sigh, finally beginning to feel relief.

“yeah?”

“yeah. you look even better than i thought you would,” you groan, picking up your pace a little as you slip your index finger inside your walls.

he chuckles. “oh, really?”

“mhm. god, i never thought i’d be doing this. especially not with you.”

“and why is that, baby?”

the name makes you shiver. you’d imagined him calling you it many times, but hearing him actually say it is completely different.

“because—” you whimper, losing your train of thought when your brain suddenly pictures his fingers inside you instead of your own. “i’m so close already, please—”

his tone is gentle but firm. “i want you to stop now.”

“but– ah, feels so good, shua,” you say, moans spilling out of you, finally letting him hear everything you’ve been holding back.

you hear him curse in that low voice through the phone, and your hand stills for a split second in shock, your eyes widening. as far as you knew, he never swore. but then again, there were a lot of things he never did that you're discovering about him now. looks like you weren’t the only one who changed over the years.

“that’s not my name.”

you sit up a little in confusion, pushing your phone closer to your ear to make sure you’re hearing him right. “huh?”

“my name is joshua. if you’re gonna moan like a sinner about how good it feels when i tell you how to touch yourself, you better use my name properly.” he sounds almost angry, but it only spurs you on even further.

you let his words sink for a second before responding. “yes, sir.”

“fuck,” he moans, he actually moans, and if you weren’t already so far gone you would’ve stopped to listen closer, to ingrain the noise in your brain so you never again forget how he sounds. “what did i just tell you?”

“what, you don’t like being called ‘sir’? thought you wanted to be a pastor, joshua,” you say with a smirk, and you know he hears the mischief in your voice, daring him to give you what you want.

it’s probably a good thing he’s not physically in the room with you, because there's no way you would have been able to muster up the courage to say something like that to his face. you wouldn’t have dared to even look him in the eyes, but being on the phone gives you a head rush. because with only his voice and not seeing his face, you can convince yourself that he still isn’t real, that this whole phone call and even your meeting earlier had just been an elaborate figment of your horny imagination, your denial being the only thing saving your last shred of dignity.

“didn’t realize you’d grow up to be even more of a brat than you were before,” he scoffs, and your cunt pulses.

“what are you doing right now?” you say, a little desperately. the change of subject isn’t very subtle but you don’t care. you won’t lie, you’ve been curious since the start of what he’s doing but he’s been so focused on you he hasn’t said anything about himself. you want to know everything about him— how he’s moving his hands, where he puts pressure, what he thinks about to get himself closer and closer.

he grunts unceremoniously. “i’m fucking my hand and pretending it’s you.”

“me too,” you whimper, closing your eyes as you focus on the movement of your fingers.

after a while he stops responding, and you can hear his heavy breaths over the line matching with your own gasps for air as you curl your fingers inside of you. you figure he must be getting close, but you ask him anyway, because you want to hear him say it.

“yeah– fuck, so close,” he chokes out, and the way his voice gets higher as he lets out a whimper is what finally makes you come undone.

with a moan of his name—his full name—you cum, clenching around your fingers as you struggle to keep your hand moving. your wrist is starting to cramp up a little from the position you’ve been in, but the pleasure coursing through you is more than worth it. it’s almost dizzying, more powerful than any orgasm you’ve had before and when you finally remove your fingers from your aching cunt your head is spinning and your heart is pounding.

you can hear a muffled string of curses through the phone and you know he’s right behind you. thoughts of him sitting on his bed run rampant in your head, imagining his stomach covered in milky cum and his pretty, pretty lips parted as he catches his breath.

the silence is heavy as you feel yourself come back down from your high. you struggle to find something to say after… whatever that just was, so you say the only thing that’s on your mind.

“i really did miss you, joshua,” you say quietly. unlike before, there’s not a hint of teasing in the way you say his name now.

and he sighs contentedly, finally hearing his name on your lips like he always wanted to. “i know. i missed you too.”

you both say your goodbyes and good nights quickly, still basking in enough of the remnants of your orgasms to not be too awkward about it. but after you’re settled in bed (for real, this time) and about to fall asleep, you can’t help but wonder if things between you and joshua will ever be anything but awkward.

a memory surfaces: you and joshua running around at the park behind the church after a sunday evening service, no older than kindergarteners, laughing and playing until you collapse on the grass. your mom called for you both to get ready to go home, and no you’re not allowed to have a sleepover because it’s a school night but maybe this weekend if his mom is okay with it. before you ran off, he thrust his pinky out towards you and you shook on it, making a pact to always be best friends, even when you can’t have sleepovers. it didn’t ever occur to either of you that there might come a day where you wouldn’t be best friends.

you don’t remember what prompted him to make the pinky promise, but you know he’s never broken it. and you can only hope that he hasn’t forgotten it.

it’s a few days later at one of your bible study groups when you see him next, and yet again you’re caught off-guard like a deer in headlights.

you’re sitting with a group of other ladies, annotating material for a test you couldn’t care less about when you hear your name called out– a familiar deep voice you can only pray doesn’t belong to who you think it belongs to.

oh, but it does belong to him, alright. it feels like you’ve gotten the wind knocked out of you when you turn around and see joshua standing behind you, a warm smile on his face that makes you doubt anything ever happened. maybe it really was all just a delirious dream, too many years of yearning built up into one intense wet dream.

he puts a hand on your shoulder lightly, turning you away from the rest of the ladies. “hey, can we talk somewhere?”

and oh shit it was definitely not a dream.

your cheeks burn as you excuse yourself from the table, packing up your bible and pens and shoving everything in your bag as quickly as you can. you can almost hear the snickering already, the gossips whispering to each other that you must have done something unspeakable if the top-student, pastor’s son, joshua hong has to speak with you privately. ah, if only they knew.

you only wish you could go back there and wipe the smirks off of all their faces and tell them about what the perfect little gentlemen they all pretend they don’t have crushes on was doing on the phone with you last night. you wouldn’t do that, not in a million years, but just the thought of it is satisfaction enough.

joshua leads you down the hall to a room that looks like an empty office. he opens the door for you, then closes it softly behind you.

“whose is this?” you ask, glancing around the room.

“it’s… mine,” he says almost shyly, gesturing idly to a little engraved nameplate on the desk. joshua hong, pastor’s assistant. because of fucking course he would be.

“oh.”

he clears his throat, and in that moment you realize he’s just as nervous as you are. “listen…” he starts, taking a pause. “about the other night–”

“are you gonna kick me out?” you interrupt.

his brows knit together in confusion. “what?”

“are you gonna expel me?”

“no?” he says, still looking at you, baffled. “why would i do that? i don’t even think i have the power to, even if i wanted. which, for the record, i don’t.”

you don’t reply, focusing your gaze on the carpet instead.

he frowns. “is that really how you think of me? that i just go around tattling to my dad? from that… conversation, i thought it was clear i’m not like that anymore.”

the tips of your ears are burning at the memory of all the things you said to each other over the phone. but it never occurred to you that maybe he was just as sinful as you had been.

you stay quiet, the silence stretching on as shame and embarrassment and a hundred other emotions swirl in your mind and you struggle to figure out what to say.

luckily for you he fills the silence himself. he exhales, looking down at a stack of papers on the desk. “god, you… you don’t know how much i missed you. i thought about you all the time.”

“so did i,” you manage to whisper. “in more ways than you know.”

he gives you a teasing smile. “oh, i have a feeling i do know.”

you hold back a cough and look away, focusing your attention on a painting of flowers on the wall. “i don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“if that’s how you wanna play this, fine.”

your curiosity piques, and you look back at him. he motions to the seat in front of the desk, wordlessly asking you to sit. hesitantly you do, and he starts to sit down at the swivel chair behind the desk, but you clear your throat and he glances up.

“can– can you not sit over there?” you ask softly. “feels like i’m being scolded.”

his expression softens a little, and he rolls the chair back into place, opting to sit next to you instead. “of course.”

except maybe you shouldn’t have asked him to do that, because now he’s sitting toe to toe with you and the closeness is overwhelming. at least on the other side of the desk there was enough distance for you to shrink and hide behind, but here, sitting like this, he can see all of you. and you don’t particularly want to be seen right now.

the tension is palpable as he takes his seat, still watching you. you take the moment to study his features: the slope of his nose and the gentle curve of his lips, the way the light catches on his long eyelashes and the way his broad shoulders look in that perfectly tailored sunday morning service suit.

“i always liked you,” he starts, and your gaze shoots up to his eyes. you open your mouth to ask something, but he shakes his head and you immediately fall silent, letting him finish. “i was almost glad when they made us go to different sunday school classes, because i wouldn’t have to sit there and pretend i didn’t have the craziest crush on you.”

“joshua, i–” you trail off, not even knowing what to say.

he pauses, as if debating his next words. “and i know it’s wrong, but i couldn’t get you out of my head when i… y’know.” his cheeks are flushed but he doesn’t look away from you, eyes searching your own for any hesitance or any sign that you don’t want this.

it’s then that you realize that the boldness you had felt hiding behind your phone, he had felt it too. saying words alone in your room at night was easy. sitting in public, in the daylight, and saying those same words to his face was so much scarier. and knowing that you’re both feeling awkward and shy and a little uncertain of how to talk about it gives you the confidence to keep going.

“when you would what?” you pry. you already know the answer but you want to hear it come out of his mouth anyway. you’ve already heard him say it, but something about sitting in his office, in a church, speaking such filth ignites a spark in you that’s completely different from the spark you felt a few nights ago.

he clears his throat and looks you in the eye, maybe gaining a little bit of that confidence, too. “when i would jerk off i would always wish it was your sweet little mouth instead of my own hand.”

you inhale sharply, and that’s when he finally breaks eye contact, his guilt-ridden gaze shifting to the wall behind you as his cheeks burn redder. “i didn’t feel good about it. felt like i was doing it without your permission, and i didn’t want that. i–”

“yes,” you say hurriedly.

he stops short at your interruption, instantly looking back at you. “yes…?”

“yes, you have my permission. whatever you want, joshua, always.”

his eyes narrow, almost imperceptibly, but you recognize it. even after all these years, after so much has changed, you still know his tells. you wonder if he still knows yours.

he murmurs your name in response, almost like a warning. “don’t say stuff like that,” he says, letting out a shaky breath.

“why not?” you ask, feigning innocence. but you know exactly what you’re doing, and you know exactly how you affect him: the same way he affects you.

he looks up at you. “you really are just as much of a brat as you were back then, aren’t you?” he says with just a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

“why don’t you find out?”

he groans, leaning back in his chair. “do you know how long i’ve wanted to kiss you?” he says finally.

“probably just as long as i’ve wanted to kiss you,” you counter, and he raises an eyebrow.

you both stand up at the same moment, closing the distance in less than a second.

you stare at his chest in front of you to avoid his eyes, until he brings up a hand and gently tilts your chin, forcing you to look at him.

“are– you gonna get in trouble?” you breathe, heartbeat pounding in your ears as you stare at his perfect, perfect lips.

he hums, and it sends a shiver down your spine at the close proximity. “are you still giving me permission?” he asks, and you quickly shake your head yes.

“always.”

he smooths his thumb across your cheek. “then i won’t be in any trouble at all."

and then his hand moves to hold the back of your neck and he's tilting his head and bringing his lips towards yours and then finally, after years of dreaming about it and even more years of denying it, you're finally kissing joshua and there's so many things happening at once that you can't seem to focus on anything because your mind is so full of everything and nothing and joshua and it all just feels so right.

you’re melting in his arms and falling into his touch and enjoying every fucking second of it. your heart speeds up when his hands slide behind your back, wrapping around your body to pull you closer to him, pressed chest to chest.

he pulls away to kiss you again, and again, and again, and you decide you’d be content to be like this forever, standing in his office in the church building making out like you’re the only two people on earth.

but finally his lips leave yours, and he takes a tiny step backwards, heaving out a shaky breath as he looks you in the eyes. “what are we gonna do now?”

your heart plummets, doubts racing through your mind. did he not like it? does he not like you? did you really just ruin everything? why did he stop? why did he ask that—

but all your questions are answered in an instant when he coughs and you look down, finally noticing the prominent bulge in his dress pants. oh. that.

when you look back up at him his cheeks are flushed bright red, and he immediately begins to apologize.

“shua,” you call out to him, repeating his name the way you know he likes. “joshua. don’t worry about it. it’s fine.”

in fact, you find it incredibly flattering, that just a few kisses and gentle touches could get him this worked up. maybe it really has been you all along.

with a surge of confidence, you step back towards him, wrapping your arms around him and leaning to kiss him. “are you busy today?” you murmur, your cheek brushing against his.

he shudders, hands automatically finding your waist and pushing your hips against his own. “no. are you?”

you sigh, kissing the corner of his mouth. “not anymore.”

“fuck,” he curses, his grip on your body tightening “you really want to…?” he asks, almost shyly, as if he’s in denial this is really happening.

“absolutely,” you say, and you’ve never meant anything more in your life.

in a second he’s got you shoved against his desk, sending papers flying to the floor as he lifts you by your ass to sit you down on top of it. your kisses turn rougher and needier, your hands grabbing at anything you can reach to ground yourself: his hair, his shoulders, his back.

finally he breaks free, dropping to his knees in front of the desk. “please, let me eat you out.”

you moan out loud, probably too loudly for the thin walls of the office. but the visual of him on his knees to do anything other than pray drives you mad, and you need more of him, desperately. “joshua, please.”

he pushes your skirt up your thighs, moving it out of his way so he can stare eye to eye with your pussy. you whimper and instinctively try to hide your face in embarrassment, but something tells you he wouldn’t like that, so you resist, keeping your hands firmly planted on the edge of the desk.

“fuck, you’re soaking,” he says, his voice broken. “you’re so perfect.”

his hands reach up to tug at the hem of your underwear, and he looks up at you, silently asking for permission to continue. you nod eagerly, lifting your hips off the desk so he can slide them off of you, revealing your glistening entrance.

he whines at the sight, pretty lips parted in shock? awe? as if he can’t wait to taste you. he pushes his face into your pussy, gently at first, but when you moan and bring your hand up to his hair he dives deeper.

the moment he attaches his mouth to your clit, you jump, gasping as you try to shut your legs around his head but his large hands keep you held open. his tongue explores every inch of you, moving back and forth, up and down, mapping out your cunt with his mouth.

“fuck, never dreamed you’d taste so good,” he sighs against your pussy, leaning away to take a breath after what feels like forever.

your legs are shaking and your cunt is throbbing as you also try to catch your breath. you’re not used to being touched like this and you’re definitely not used to being touched by joshua. so many thoughts running through your head and not a single one of them coherent enough to put into words. all you can do is weakly whine out joshua’s name and tug on his hair, pleading for him to keep going. you need release, and you don’t want it from anyone but him.

he stands up, his pants wrinkled from kneeling on the floor but still tented with a bulge so uncomfortably large you feel dizzy just thinking about it. you don’t even know if he’s going to fuck you or even if he wants to, but god you want to see his cock so bad. too many restless nights spent thinking about it, and now you might finally have the chance to see it in front of your face.

your mouth waters at the thought, and you start to slide off the desk, but joshua stops you. “what are you…?”

you look up at him, eyes blown wide with lust and you don’t even attempt to hide your eagerness. “please let me suck your dick. joshua, please.”

he whines, running a hand through his hair. “god, i want that so bad, but… i don’t think i can last if you do, and i was really hoping to fuck you.”

you close your eyes and roll your head back, moaning at his vulgar confession. but he sighs, and he sounds almost defeated, and you look back at him quickly, afraid he’s suddenly changed his mind.

“i’m not—prepared,” he admits, and you tilt your head in confusion before it sinks in what he means.

“ah. don’t suppose you would have any condoms lying around, would you, mr. pastor’s assistant?” you ask playfully, and he shoots you a glare.

“brat,” he mutters under his breath, but you hear it, and your walls clench in response. “no, i don’t have any. not interested in anybody else, so… no reason to.” he looks like he has more to say, more serious things to say, but he keeps his mouth shut, his eyes searching your face nervously.

your stomach flips at his words, feeling your cheeks heating up. you hadn’t thought you would ever get this far, and especially not with him. because of the kind of school you were at, it wasn’t like the people here were doing the kind of things you’ve been doing—at least not publicly. even if you’d wanted to hook up with somebody (which you didn’t), everyone in your vicinity would shame you for even bringing it up. you may have experience with yourself, but anything with anyone else is completely new territory for you.

you fall silent, not sure how to continue the conversation as all your newfound confidence begins to crumble. what were you thinking? caught up in the heat of the moment, saying things you weren’t sure you meant. you were in love with him: that much you were sure of. but everything that comes after that is too new, too scary, at least for right now. you can barely even comprehend that he just went down on you, but you know you enjoyed it and honestly, you’d give anything for him to do it again. but there’s too much going on inside your head for you to even begin to process that right now.

he calls your name and you blink, looking back at him anxiously. “we… don’t have to. right now, or even at all,” he says gently. the tips of his ears are burning red but his voice is calm and steady.

“joshua, i want to,” you start, clasping your hands tightly together in your lap to give you something to focus on other than the way he’s watching you so intently. “but i– don’t know how.”

“neither do i, baby,” he says. the nickname makes you shiver; even though it’s not the first time he’s called you that, especially after the other night, you’re still not used to it. but somehow it’s comforting, and it makes you relax knowing that he’s still the same person you grew up with, the same person that knows almost everything about you. you’ve both changed so much, but deep down you haven’t changed at all.

he pauses when you don’t say anything back. “we’ll wait, then,” he says and wraps his arms around you, lightly at first but then squeezing when you don’t try to pull away. “we have all the time in the world. no need to rush.”

“we… do?” your voice is laced with uncertainty.

he smiles. “of course. i let you go once already, i’m not letting it happen again. never again.”

you turn your head away from him and hide your face, flustered by how sincere he sounds. he hums, and you can hear the pout in his tone so you fight your embarrassment and turn back towards him to ask the question that’s been weighing on your mind since you first saw him days ago. “this is gonna sound so stupid, but… shua, what are we?”

first you were childhood friends, you were best friends, and then you were nothing. right place, wrong time? and then you were… doing something on the phone together, whatever you could call that. and now you were just sitting on top of his desk, sweating from having almost had sex. how do you even begin to put a label on this?

“well, i’d like to be yours,” he says shyly, and just like that all your questions are answered with six small words. you realize it doesn’t matter what label you have; as long as you have him, that’s all that matters.

“yes,” you breathe, lifting your eyes to finally meet his and you see all the love in his eyes threatening to spill over.

he reaches up to brush a piece of your hair out of your face. “i’m just glad i finally have you back,” he says with a soft smile as he watches you. “we’ll go slow, we’ll wait— whatever you want. whatever it takes not to lose you again.”

you bury your face in his chest with a whine. you’re hiding again, but even the uncomfortable scratchiness of his dress shirt can’t pull you away from him.

“besides, i don’t want our first time together to be in my stupid little office,” he chuckles and holds you tighter against him, pressing a kiss to the top of your head that makes your heart flutter. “you deserve better than that.”

you stay there for a long moment, hugging him like it's the last time you'll ever see him. but this time you know it won't be the last. it's the first, the first of hopefully many, many more.

when you feel like you've been standing there too long, you clear your throat and lean your head back to look at him. "so, um… now what?"

he pauses, those pretty lips turned up in a smile. "do you have plans for lunch?"

"no, i just had that study group you pulled me from. i'm free for the rest of the day."

his smile widens. "perfect. you still like grilled cheese, or did you grow out of that, too?"

you laugh, putting your chin on his shoulder as you hug him. "i haven't changed that much, shua."

after taking a while to collect yourselves (waiting for his erection to go back down so you can leave together without looking suspicious), you walk out of joshua’s office the happiest you've felt in years.

he'd wanted to hold your hand, too, but you were still anxious about anyone seeing you together that you'd refused him until you made it to his car. you were probably just being paranoid and no one would care about two responsible adults talking to each other, but all the time you'd spent hiding from your peers had put you on edge.

so, it wasn't until you were safely out of the church parking lot and in the driveway of his apartment complex that you let him touch you, kissing you over the cupholders with his hands gently holding your neck.

it took everything in you not to climb over the center console and sit on his lap in the driver's seat and kiss him as hard and as deeply as you really wanted, but you knew once you started you wouldn't be able to stop. and besides, he still didn't have any condoms. it didn't bother you either way, since you'd been taking birth control since high school to help with your periods, but if it was what he wanted you'd be more than fine with it.

you don't know what you'd been expecting the inside his apartment to look like; probably some tacky cross-stitch bible verses or a wooden cross hanging on the wall, but his apartment just looked like… a normal apartment. a very clean apartment, actually, though you weren't surprised. he'd always been a neat, organized kid, and it looked like that was one thing he hadn't grow out of.

you watch as he puts his keys on a hook by the door, following him into the kitchen and sitting at one of the chairs.

he grins at you as he opens his refrigerator, pulling out the ingredients for your lunch before taking out a pan.

"shua…" you interrupt him, standing up and walking towards him slowly. "you're not— really thinking about grilled cheese sandwiches right now, are you?"

he hums, eyes following your every movement as the pan sits cold and abandoned on the stove. "there are… other things on my mind, yeah."

"so why are you still trying to make grilled cheese sandwiches?"

by now you're close enough to stand toe to toe with him, and you're sure he can feel the heat radiating off your body when he wraps his hands around your waist, backing you against the kitchen counter. "because i wanna make you lunch. maybe i just wanna spoil my girl a little bit."

a shiver runs down your spine at the new name he calls you. never in a million years did you think this is where you'd end up.

"i think you have all the time in the world to spoil me later, joshua," you mumble, leaning in closer and closer until your lips touch.

in a flash he's hoisting you up and sitting you on the counter. his mouth never leaves yours as you slide your legs around his hips to drag him closer, kisses growing deeper and more desperate now that you can finally be alone together.

his hands slide down your body, tugging at the hem of your shirt and only breaking apart for a second to slide it over your head before his lips are crashing against yours again.

your hands find his hips, experimentally tugging on his belt to see his reaction. immediately he pulls away from you,

cheeks flushed and breathing heavily. "sweetheart, i still don't have any condoms. if you really want to now, then we gotta run to the store first."

“i’m on the pill,” you burst out, hoping he gets the message. maybe he has some other reason for wanting to, but you're too impatient to wait for who knows how long it'll take to go to the store, and you don't think you'll be able to keep your hands off him for that long. you don't think you'll be able to keep your hands off of him for even a few seconds.

his face goes blank as he processes your words, struggling to understand if you’re saying what he thinks you’re saying. “you’d let me…?”

you grab onto his arms, a desperate attempt to pull him closer, to feel more of him. “raw, yes, joshua. just—please, i need you,” you beg him, cunt throbbing with neglect as you wait for him to answer.

he buries his face in your shoulder with a groan, gripping his hands underneath your thighs and sliding you off the counter.

with a shriek you wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck, holding on tightly as he starts to walk out of the kitchen carrying you. "joshua! what the hell are you doing?"

his face is still pressed against your shoulder, and you can feel his lips tickling your bare skin as he speaks. "i'll fuck you on my kitchen counter any day of the week, baby, but i want to have you for the first time in my bed, please?"

his voice is low and whiny, just as desperate for you as you are for him and it makes you moan with excitement.

he finds his way into his room, stumbling a little when he accidentally runs you into the wall instead of through the doorway, but you just giggle and kiss him harder until he finally drops you on his bed, immediately unbuttoning his shirt.

you run your hands along his chest as he leans over you, feeling the toned muscle that feels almost wrong to be seeing. his physical changes are much more obvious to you now that he's like this, and you know the image will fuel your fantasies for weeks.

your hands move to his belt again and this time he allows it, letting you unbuckle it and toss it away before slowly lowering the zipper. he's already hard again, and your heart races when you put a little bit of pressure on the seam and he lets out a guttural groan in response.

his arms flex as he reaches down to slide your skirt off, and you help him and kick the fabric away, leaving both of you in nothing but your underwear.

joshua pauses, letting his gaze wander your body as you look away shyly. he hums and you look back at him in confusion. "don't hide from me, sweetheart, please," he says, but it comes out more like a whine; not like he's asking, but like he's begging. it's honestly the hottest thing you've ever heard, and even with your nerves he makes it hard to resist.

"dreamt about this for fucking years. years," he moans as he leans over to kiss your chest, reaching behind your body to undo your bra and let it fall away. you whimper when he brings his hands up to cup your breasts, wrapping his mouth around one of your nipples as he starts to slowly grind against your clothed pussy. you can already feel yourself soaking through your panties, and you're sure he can feel it, too.

his hands are like nothing you've ever felt, and you roll your head back against his pillows, arching into him as he massages your breasts with his large hands. you'd noticed them before, but you hadn't realized just how big they were until they were on top of you and made your body seem almost tiny beneath his massive palms.

"shua…" you breathe, tentative hands reaching up to touch his shoulders.

he looks up at you, mouth covered in spit. "yes, angel?"

you whimper at the nickname. no angel you'd ever learned about in sunday school had acted like you are right now, begging a man to fuck you. and on top of that it was before marriage, too; surely if there was a god they would be extremely disappointed in you. but right now you didn't care if the entire universe was disappointed in you, as long as joshua hong wasn't.

it takes you a few more seconds to build up your courage, but finally you open your mouth and tell him, "joshua, please— fuck me."

he slides forward to kiss you again, before sitting back and repositioning himself between your legs. "anything you want, sweetheart."

he lines his cock up at your entrance, and just before you think he's about to push into you, he looks up at you instead.

"i love you, so much," he says, and you have to fight the urge to hide your face as you grin and giggle like a fucking schoolgirl; like the past version of you would have, if she'd had any sense and figured everything out sooner.

and, like always, he asks, "ready?", and you nod, and it's better than you could've ever imagined.

the whines that leave his mouth drive you close to the edge already as he begins to thrust into you, slowly, gently, just a little bit at a time but it still leaves you gasping from his size.

he keeps moving at a snail's pace until you reach up, fumbling to grab at his bicep as tears nearly spill out of your eyes and beg him, "joshua, more, please."

he leans over you, pressing his body flat against yours as he starts to rock his hips faster, and you cry out from so much pleasure and so much emotion hitting all at once.

"wanted you so fucking bad, for so long, and now you're finally here," he whispers, his thrusts never faltering despite how close in proximity he is to your face.

you whine as your hands claw at his back, digging in as you struggle to hold on and he curses again, pushing into you harder.

"you said i was better than you imagined," he groans, one hand coming up to caress your cheek. "but you're even better than i imagined. you're a fucking angel, so fucking beautiful."

you gasp his name, falling into your orgasm from his words alone as you clench impossibly tight around him. you always thought of him as the nice kid, the rule follower, but here he is, fucking you through the hardest orgasm of your life and saying such filthy things in between praises and compliments.

"jo-oshua, please!" is all you can manage, still struggling to recover before he crests into his own high with a whimper. his eyes scrunch up as he releases inside you, eyelashes fluttering and sweat dripping down his temples, and you think it's the most beautiful sight you've ever seen.

a constant stream of curses fall from his lips and you swallow them with yours, kissing him as if you're afraid he might disappear into thin air if you don't hold onto him tight enough.

his breaths are shallow when his mouth falls away from you, resting his forehead on your shoulder with a long exhale.

"god…" he starts, then stops and laughs, and you have to tug on his hair to make him face you again.

"what are you laughing at?" you say, cheeks growing hot when he looks at you with droopy, hooded eyes and a lopsided smile.

"nothing," he laughs. "just god. what a funny word."

"and why is that, baby?" you say as you try to hold back a smile, testing out the nickname.

he grins. "because it gave me you. or maybe it didn't. who knows?"

you finally laugh along with him, remembering what he'd said to you on the phone that feels like years ago. "don’t you know it’s a sin to take the lord’s name in vain, sweetheart?”

the church is humming with activity as you make your way to the front pew, carrying two donuts in your hand. people greet you as they mingle about the hall, talking and laughing. some wave excitedly when they see you, others simply smile and offer their hand for you to shake with a friendly “good morning and god bless!”

being a pastor’s wife isn’t something you ever imagined yourself doing, but then again, a lot of things in your life you never imagined doing. you never imagined seeing joshua again, and you never imagined marrying him, either. you certainly didn’t imagine taking over your father-in-law’s church when he retired and decided it was time for joshua to take his place as head of the church. you always knew he would someday, whether he wanted to or not, but you’d be happy to spend the rest of your life by his side no matter where he was or what job he had.

you’d been almost nervous when you decided it was finally time to tell your parents you had been seeing each other, but to your surprise they had been overjoyed at the news. both his family and yours were “just so glad when it happened to be you!”, saying things like “we’d always known it would happen, back since you were children!”, and “so when are we going to get some beautiful little grandchildren to take to sunday school!”

it had been five long and happy years since that very first phone call, and every minute you spend with joshua has been the best of your life.

you walk up the steps to the stage where your husband is waiting, flipping through his notes for the morning’s sermon. you hand him his donut with a grin, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. he smirks at you, imperceptible to everyone else but you can tell what it truly means.

everybody in the congregation always talks you’re the perfect example of a happy, god-loving couple. such nice looking people, so well put together. but behind closed doors, they’d be horrified by the things you say and do together. wolf in sheep’s clothing, as is your husband’s favorite parable to preach.

it’s not the life you imagined, but it’s perfect to you and him.

i hope you enjoyed this!! if you did, consider reblogging with tags or leaving a comment or an ask :) it shows me this is something people want to see more of, and knowing people like this makes me want to write more of it! thanks for reading!!

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callie-the-creator · 7 months

Text

mine all mine

nsfw. mdni. warnings: yandere behavior, friends with benefits, mentions of alcohol consumption, pegging, pet names, oc is a bit of a perv, babytrapping, etc.

author’s note: nothing to sayyy.

• you and sonny have been friends ever since your sophomore year in high school, having met by a mutual friend that is now irrelevant.

— it seemed every time you and this aforementioned mutual friend hung out, sonny would end up joining you two whether that be inviting himself, begging one of you to let him tag along, or ‘coincidently’ popping up at the places you’d be going.

— if sonny could have things his way, it would be just you and him spending time together. no need for extra baggage and adding a third person (which is a bit ironic since he’s usually the one that deemed extra baggage).

• but because sonny’s been your friend for such a long time, he had to endure every partner you’ve ever dated or crush you’ve developed. he knew your type and what you liked, but what sucked was that he wasn’t your boyfriend. how long will it take for you to see that he’s the perfect man for you??

• that is, until one night during your junior year of college when you two exceeded the amount how much alcohol you could consume, sonny could’ve sworn that he died and went to heaven once he saw that lustful look in your eyes. but he knew if he acted on his selfish desires, he’d end up getting hurt. realistically, you’d most likely sweep this night under the rug whilst sonny feels his heart break even more when he sees you with another boy, whether he’s one of sonny’s friends or a stranger.

• but who is sonny kidding? he said ‘screw it’ and agreed to spend the night with you, despite being at some random sorority.

— and, yes, you two having sex inflated his ego majorly. it brought him more ecstasy than anything he’d ever experienced in his life. oh, he’s such a loser!

• the morning after, sonny couldn’t say that he was entirely surprised seeing the empty spot on the bed beside him, but it still cut him like a wound. you ended up explaining over text that you weren’t looking for a relationship right now and whatever happened between you and him, while it was nice, was only a one-time thing.

• or so you thought.

• sonny is an absolute perv and he relishes in that fact. whenever you’re wearing a dress or skirt, he’ll not so discreetly drop something, so he can catch a glimpse of what lingers underneath. and when you’re on vacation or out with some friends, sonny will pick the lock to your dorm room, so he can strip naked, wear one of your shirts, and sniff your panties as he grinds against one of your pillows.

— during one of his visits, sonny takes it upon himself to snoop through your bedside drawers only to find a double-edged dildo. okay, maaaybe he used it once or twice without you knowing. scratch that. he’s used it a total of nine times.

• after knowing this, the next time you and sonny get some alone time, he brings up the idea of pegging, surprising you in the process because you never thought he of all people would be interested in that.

— “actually, i…have a toy that could allow us to do that…” you whispered, almost coy. you’re so cute.

• he loves it whenever you peg him, it makes him feel so special when he’s being used your false cock. sonny would love nothing more than to be stuffed with it, so you can ruin his perfect plump ass.

• it doesn’t matter where you are—in your dorm, in his, in a car, or even in the middle of the woods; sonny will scream, whimper, and moan like a pornstar. did i mention that he was a perv? it’s almost like he wants people to see that you two were having sex, so they’d get the impression to lay off his girl because he’s the only one who can make you feel this good!

• sonny is a whole level of needy. like, flooding your messages and spam calling you in the middle of the night needy. more often than not it’s because he’s horny and wants to have phone sex with you, so he knows you’ll sleep well. all thanks to him.

• he’s a masochist 100%.

— he loves whenever you pull him by the hair to crank his neck back to liter sloppy kisses on his neck.

— loveslovesloves to be spanked!! there are times during the day where he’ll intentionally act like a brat so you will punish him.

— won’t mind if you leave hickeys on his body. he wants to be a display of your love and whoever thinks they can get in the way of that has another thing coming. sonny is not willing to share what is rightfully is. you’re HIS girl!

• note: if you call him pretty boy and good boy, it’ll immediately put him in the mood. do with this information as you please (and tease him in public for goodness sake).

— will not hesitate to fuck you in a mall bathroom if he has to prove a point.

• expect to get lots of praise from him. even though he knows you’re not ready to be in a committed relationship, you know that he has feelings for you (just not the… severity of his love for you. if you can even call it that). a reason why you believe this is that there are some mornings when you’ll wake up with 99+ unread messages from him. no regular fwb would do that…

• still. it was a problem. this was supposed to be a ‘no strings attached’ deal. and that’s exactly what you told him!

• sonny smiled at you and told you that he understood. whaaaa…he wasn’t upset? he even recommended dropping the whole friends-with-benefits deal entirely. under one condition: you have some breakup sex.

• he was surprisingly mature about it. you agreed. this will be done before you know it. sonny was elated that you actually agreed to this and, unable to control himself, leaned down and kissed you as a way to show his thanks before telling you to meet him in the bedroom. he needs to do something first.

• and when you were finally out of his sight, he pulled the condom he planning on using and began to poke holes in it…

there is no way he was going to allow another man to fuck that sweet cunt of yours. looks like he’ll have to breed you to make you alllll his!

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mercurygguk · 8 months

Text

head over skates · jjk ; part i.

··· SUMMARY; jeon jungkook is the captain of the hockey team and one of the biggest fuckboys on campus. you happen to have known him for as long as you can remember but he is not who he used to be and you simply can't stand it.

so what happens when you're suddenly stuck doing a project with him for three weeks?

SERIES MASTERLIST · # TAG · MOOD BOARDS · PLAYLIST

PAIRING; hockey player!jungkook x f. reader

GENRE; fwb au, childhood friends to enemies to lovers au, college au

WORDCOUNT; 1,514

RATING; 18+

WARNINGS; swearing

a/n; HEAD OVER SKATES SERIES IS HERE!!!! it’s a drabble series now so these chapters will be short but that’s better than nothing amirite :)) i hope you like this first part! enjoyyy <3 also, please lmk what you think!

“The project will be done in pairs of two–”

Jihyo copies your smirk from across the room as you lock eyes with her. You were thinking the same thing – you and her will pair up and do this project together. As best friends and classmates since freshman year, you’ve learned that you work the best alongside each other. However, both of your smirks crumble into tiny pieces as Professor Kim finishes her sentence.

“–which have already been decided beforehand.”

You let out a quiet, frustrated groan as you slump in your seat. Jihyo pouts and shoots a glare at Professor Kim without her noticing. You watch with a bored expression as she pulls up a document showing the pairs for the project. You skim the document until your eyes land on your name, written in Times New Roman right next to–

Oh, hell no.

The universe has a sick sense of humor, is the first thought your brain is able to process as you stare at the name written next to yours. It’s the name of the one person you haven’t spoken to since senior year of high school. It’s the name of the one person you still hold a grudge against. It’s the name of your childhood best friend and high school crush – Jeon Jungkook.

When you first met Jungkook, he was just 5 years old and nothing like the man he is today.

Back then he had just moved in across the street and it didn’t take long for you to realize he was the cutest, most shy little boy – you can ask anyone who knew him back then. He was careful with everything from animals to dead objects to other people and yet he was just a pinch of wild and reckless enough to allow himself to do some of the crazy stuff kids do when growing up. He was smaller than the other boys at his age; short and skinny, a round head, framed by his thick strands of black hair. He also had big, star-filled doe eyes that could convince any adult to let him have everything his way. And having his way was something Jungkook got used to as he grew older – sometimes a bit too much perhaps.

As his best friend during all the years going from elementary school through middle school and the first years of high school, you witnessed it first hand – teachers and his friends alike were all willing to go out of their way to make sure Jungkook was satisfied. No one really knows how that came to be – perhaps it had nothing to do with Jungkook at all but everything to do with the fact that his father was the board director at one of the biggest enterprises in the country.

Jungkook has always been very oblivious, hence why he didn’t put much thought into the special treatment he received from everyone as soon as people found out just how rich his parents were.

While in middle school, he had yet to realize how girls were starting to look at him, how they would giggle whenever he would flash his boyish smile in their direction, how they would almost trip over each other to get his attention and call his name during lunch breaks only to blush and say ‘nevermind’ when he would finally react. Jungkook had yet to realize that he was becoming hotter and less shy. He was oblivious as ever but still cute nonetheless.

And while all this went down, you watched from the sideline, wondering when he would realize – wondering when your friendship would end. Because it would. You knew that from the moment Jungkook flirtatiously smirked and winked at your friend one day without realizing. Or maybe he did. Either way, you realized it on his behalf – he was slowly becoming a big flirt.

It’s now five years later and you were right. And as much as you like to be right, you’ve never hated it more.

Your friendship did end.

It started fading out almost as soon as Jungkook realized what he was able to achieve with his good looks and flirty nature. Now you and Jungkook attend the same college but in two different worlds most of the time. The chances of you and him ever going back to being friends like you were when you were pre-teens are minimal. And it’s not like you’re trying to befriend him again.

Cocky jocks who think they’re the shit aren’t exactly your first choice when making friends.

And somehow during your high school junior year, Jungkook became one of them. He picked up on the term ‘working out’ and found out he had muscles and how to grow them. He also found out how to use those exact muscles to make the girls swoon, making them feed his ego way more than what is considered healthy. And as if that wasn't enough, Jungkook began practicing hockey.

And guess what? He was damn good at it.

Ego overfed.

As time went by, you and Jungkook talked less. He was busy with his new friends, playing hockey, and hanging out with girls that were way more interesting than his best friend, also known as you. Eventually you found yourself spending time with other people instead of him, finding it tiring and painful to be the second choice whenever his other friends didn’t have time or when his parents would mention you and he would 'suddenly' remember you existed.

The sight of different girls from school entering and leaving his house without his parents knowing wasn’t that fun either if you’re being honest.

Although, you never actually told him that – but you didn’t have to because the two of you were gliding apart by each day you spent doing your own thing. It hurt but your silly crush eventually turned into anger which later turned into despisal and borderline hatred towards your former best friend. Because Jeon Jungkook was nothing more than just another jock with an overfed ego and way too many fangirls trailing behind him everywhere he goes.

Your point is deemed proven the moment Jungkook gets up from his seat in the back and makes his way to you – said fangirls all turn their scowling gazes to you the second they realize what is happening. You feel his presence before he opens his mouth to greet you, something about it making your stomach churn as he plops down in the seat next to you.

“Hey, partner,” he grins when you slowly turn to face him. “What are the odds, huh?”

You don’t spare him a glance nor a reply as you get up from your seat, leaving him behind and trying your very best to ignore the way his eyes follow your every move. Your professor seems less than excited to see you standing next to her desk as she looks up at you.

“Mrs. Kim,” you offer her your best polite smile, “is there any chance it’s possible to change partners for this project? It seems-”

Professor Kim glances back to your spot where Jungkook is sitting in the next chair, arms crossed over his chest as he leans back, hints of a smirk on his lips as he watches you and Mrs. Kim. “Miss ____, the pairs have been decided beforehand for a reason. I was hoping to save time and energy by doing this and will not be spending said saved energy on splitting up pairs just because you’re unhappy with yours.”

You feel a frustrated whine push at the back of your throat as the words leave her red-tinted lips. “But-”

“____, I know you prefer to work with Jihyo in every class you share,” she pointedly and calmly says. “But as the professor, it is my job to challenge the students and push them out of their comfort zone. If there aren’t any actual issues with having Mr. Jeon as your partner, I suggest you take on the challenge and get the best out of it.”

The fake smile she shoots at you has you frowning as you turn on your heel, defeat hanging over you in a gray cloud as you make your way back to your seat. Jungkook’s smirk has widened and he seems more than satisfied by the fact that your request got rejected by the professor. You slump in your seat once again, stealing a glance at Jihyo who got paired up with none other than Kim Namjoon – the top student of this class and her crush.

What a lucky bitch.

“Cheer up, ____,” Jungkook’s voice intrudes your thoughts, pulling you back. He’s smiling smugly when you turn to face him for the first time since he sat down. “I promise I’ll behave.”

You huff out an unimpressed scoff and turn your attention to your notes, the grip on your pen so tight your knuckles turn white. You miss the way Jungkook’s smile falters a little as you look away.

This is going to be the longest three weeks of your life – you’re sure of it.

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mayullla · 10 months

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Title: Burned

Character(s): Childe / Tartaglia (Genshin Impact)

Summary: He was your best friend ever since you were kids, you guys were inseparable. You promised that you would be together forever yet you could not feel anything but fear as you looked at from the audience his bloodied clothes and crazed eyes as he was essentially granted permission to have you by the Tsaritsa.

Warnings/tags: Fem!reader, yandere themes (obsession), childhood friends to lovers(?) trope

You and Ajax had known each other since you were babies. Having lived close to each other's home it was almost every day that the two of you would meet and play, holding hands as the two of you explored the white-coated forest or stay by each other side drinking hot cocoa by the fire.

To your parents, it looked like the two of you were inseparable when they watched you guys lean on each other, napping quietly with a blanket covering you two. It was cute. When you were like the younger sister and Ajax was the older brother.

Even when Ajax's family grew in size, younger siblings, he never left your side, really still holding your hand tightly as if he didn't want you to go. There were moments when he would be conflicted as his sibling called him from far away, yet he was unable to go as he held your hand.

Even tho he was technically the older brother, he acted almost like an attached puppy toward you. Wherever you go, he would follow you if he was allowed, and when he isn't, there were times when he would whine wanting no more than to play with you.

He watched his siblings all the time, his parents were glad with how dedicated he was to taking care of them but you were special they could see it in the small boy's eyes how he would constantly look for you even when you were not around. How his ears were always sharp, moving immediately when he hears you while they could barely.

His parents and yours would joke that the two of you would marry later when you guys grow up and that they would connect the families through you guys. While most kids would dislike such jokes, finding them disgusting or in their words, "eww!" Ajax would always blush, looking rather hopeful at the idea as he would sneakily glance at you. They thought that this was the future, a few ups, and downs, no doubt, but they thought they could see it.

They didn't know what to do when Ajax suddenly disappeared.

It was a shock to everyone, with fear in their hearts that they had lost someone they desperately search for him. You cried when your parents didn't let you continue searching when it had gotten so late at night, when you looked so hard yet still could not find him. Cried so much that your eyes stung in pain with rashes under your eyes and nose.

After a few days, some gave up looking, and after a month or two, they had to stop. You were broken. It felt like the world collapsed because he was gone, and many pitied you. But you still didn't stop looking for him. Going to the woods where you and him played often, you would call out his name before returning when someone calls you back home. You missed him, you missed him so much and only wished he could come back home.

And he did... just... just that he was different from before.

Found in the middle of the woods, his clothes bloodied and thorn. Many were concerned for the boy, surprised to even see him alive in this freezing nation but most were happy. Till they saw his eyes, lifeless and blank. In the back of their minds, warnings started ringing as they slowed down their steps.

What in the world happened?

Ajax was taken back home, embraced by his family's arms and he also hugged them back just as tight. Being stuck in the abyss for so long all he wanted to see was both his family and... you.

Small steps he could hear that sounded all too familiar to him and impatient knocks on the door his parents were in the kitchen while his siblings were playing with their toys. He was the only one who could open the door, getting up as he headed towards the door, opening it, but before he would see actually you, his body was pushed backward and hands clinging around his neck.

It felt like an invisible weight was lifted from his shoulders. When he looked at you, your face hidden in his shoulder, he was supporting both you and him so that you two would not fall onto the hard floor and tears wet his clothes.

He didn't want you hurt after all, always thinking about you before himself, but when he heard your voice, your cries, that you missed him so much... He couldn't help himself but hug you as tightly.

People around him started treating him differently after he came back. His own personality and attitude had changed too much. He had become jaded even if he was the same boy who still took care of his baby siblings his parents could see it in his eyes, that flame of insanity and a yearning to fight. It hurt his parents, as they were unable to look into his eyes as guilt choked them. But there was one person who didn't change other than his baby siblings who couldn't even realize anything was different.

It was you who continued to stay by his side.

You stay by his side... Ajax knew that you were as innocent and naive as his siblings but held on to this kind of hope that you would be different when you make no mention or found him slipping as he talks about the thrill of fighting. He was your friend you told him, why would you ever leave him?

"I will never ever leave you, Ajax. So you don't have to hide anything from me! We are friends and we will stay together forever! Okay?"

It was naive words, maybe down the line you would regret someday but you didn't know that determined to stay by his side when you saw how Ajax looked at you, his eyes widen like saucers. The hesitation and fear of something that has yet to come... you wished to take all of it away. He was your friend after all.

The hand that held your own tightened, and you whined in pain.

"Promise?"

It was a solemn voice as Ajax looked down to the snow floor. You tilted your head, startled as he looked at you again. There was no sparkle in his eyes but something else... something you didn't understand when you were so young. But you nodded.

"Promise."

You were surprised when you heard of the news of one of the harbingers taking an interest in Ajax. Happy if not proud that he had gotten the interest of someone who worked so close to the Tsaritsa. Yet you can't help it as your smile dropped when Childe told you that he would be leaving here.

After your last hug (both of you knew that you would not be able to see each other for a long time), you watched him leave with Pulcinella.

It was okay... you both had promised to send letters as often as you could.

You wished to see him every day, sending Ajax letters one or two a week even as years passed. While he didn't send as many letters to you, all of them were usually thick and full of care. He was always busy that much you understood from when he told you his training schedule but also from Pulcinella, who would show up here ever so often to care for Ajax's siblings.

You asked him if he was doing all right...

"Ajax is doing fine, but training is really hard, and he has been very busy. But if you want, I can deliver a word for him for you if you wish." he offered, but you choose to instead decline, thanking him for taking care of Ajax.

"He has told me about a lovely lady many times before. It seems that you are the one that he was talking about." The old man smiled at you, "I shall tell him that you miss him if you wish. He would be very happy."

Instead of declining his offer again, you hesitantly yet respectfully accepted his offer. But there was something that he said that you could not get out of your mind.

Just before he left, Pulcinella turned back to face you again. "Maybe you already know this but just in case, I think it is better for you should know that Ajax is a different person than he was before he fell into the abyss. You must be careful with him. Otherwise if handled carelessly you might be burned by his flames."

The mayor's words made you hesitant, offended by his words, yet at the same time, it made you confused. How could he say that when he was the one who took Ajax in.

You ignored his words, well at least tried to when you continued to write letters to Ajax. Somewhere in your heart, you knew that something was true, yet for years, you chose to ignore everything, for... he was still your friend.

Ajax and you continued to send letters to each other you more than him, while he would occasionally send them a small present would be with it telling you how it reminded him of you. From bracelets, and small accessories to stones, and dried flowers and sweets. (You tied to ignore the fact that there was a bit of blood on some of the items sometimes, worry that he might be hurt, or wonder how hard the mission was. Part of you knew that this blood wasn't his not with how cheery and excited his letters were.)

There were some people you knew in the village that meet Ajax, not usually on purpose but by chance, and they would all say the same thing. That he really had changed. Their faces never say it was for the best. Instead, they were rather pale and unsure as they started warning you to be careful.

While Ajax's parents looked hesitant when you asked them about him when they visited him.

You never wanted to believe it, that you would rather see it from your own eyes. It has been so long since you last met Ajax, but you saved enough money to make a trip to see him after some years. Finish getting ready, you head out, leaving your home to visit him as you have heard that there was a tournament happening between the Fatui, that maybe you could see him then...

Your heart froze when you saw the blood stains on his clothes as he battled with other fatui members. It was a brutal fighting tournament, and the winner gets a wish granted by the Tsaritsa.

The boy you once knew was nowhere to be found as you watched another man with ginger hair injure another of his colleagues. He never stabbed too deep, yet your body could not help but feel a chill as you watched his crazed eyes.

He was holding back... but in what sense you didn't want to know.

"Is there anything that you wish for as a reward? Fame, money? power?" The Tsaritsa asked her voice chilling. Yet the man didn't seem to be fazed still keeping his head low he spoke up, "I do not wish for such things. Fame and money have no use to me. While power does appeal to me, I wish to be rewarded with something else."

Whispers could be heard everywhere as people were shocked that such a young man like him would deny the opportunity for something greater. The Tsaritsa paused as if thinking for a moment before speaking, "Raise your head, my soldier, and tell me what is it that you want. If it is not impossible, I shall give it to you."

Childe raised his head a smile on his lips, yet still respectful, but nothing could hide the madness in his eyes that just came back from a bloody fight. "I have a lady that I love but had to leave her when I joined the fatui years ago, I wish to see her again and would like to ask for a month or two rest so as to visit her and my family." You blink in surprise at what he said, yet you felt your heart stop when you locked eyes with him for just a second.

He knew you were here. Yet rather than that affectionate eyes of the young boy that you knew, you felt nothing more than his prey.

The Tsaritsa was silent for a moment again looking down at Childe as if examing him. "You are a loyal man. Very well, you shall go back to your home as I will grant you 2 months of rest. Go be with the woman you love and come back when the time is up for when you come back you will be bestowed the 11th rank of the harbinger."

The crowds gasped both in shock and amazement, yet soon after, there was loud cheering. Yet you could not join them as you stood frozen in your spot, fear nestled in your heart as your childhood friend looked straight at you. The look in his eyes was familiar to you, but back then, you didn't know what it was.

Now you do. Those eyes belonged to someone you cared for so much now held an infatuation-crazed love within them shown to no one but only to you. Taking a step back, your legs felt like they were encased with ice.

This was not the boy you knew.

"I thank the Tsaritsa for your benevolence. It is an honor to be granted this reward."

Or maybe you never knew him in the first place.

#yandere childe #yandere tartaglia #yandere genshin #yandere imagines #yandere scenarios #yandere ajax #childe x reader #yandere childe x reader #yandere x reader #yandere genshin imagines #yandere genshin x reader #tw yandere #genshin writing #genshin imagines #genshin scenarios #yandere writing #yandere fic #yanderecore #tartaglia x reader

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aelenavelaryon · 6 months

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Hey guys! This story will have three or four parts. Or at least I’m hoping it will. Also, please bear with me as I recently started posting here so things are still new to me. I’m not quite sure on how to use tumblr to post yet so it might take a while! Thank you! 🤍

Robert Baratheon x Reader

Summary: In which history repeats itself once again. Or does it?

Robert had known young Rhaenyra all his life and they were sort of friends and some would even say they were somewhat close. When he sat on the Iron Throne she was the only one brought out, Jon Arryn saw it fit for the eldest of the Targaryen's to be the one to confront Robert. There she stood, in the middle of the room. All the lords eyes were on her. She said nothing, what could she say? "Your brother is dead" was the first thing Robert said to her. "I killed him. I wish I could kill him again" Rhaenyra's eyes filled with tears but none fell out. She didn't want to cry. She wouldn't allow them that satisfaction.

"What will happen to us?" she asked. "To Viserys, to Jaehaerys" everyone turned to her as he said the other name. "Who is Jaehaerys?" Jon asked. "He is my son. My son with Brandon Stark" Brandon lived but he was now married to Catelyn. "He is married to Catelyn Tully now" Robert said and she nodded. "I know" she replied. "The boy is a bastard" Tywin said and she glared at the man. "Kill her now. Avoid another rebellion" Tywin Lannister said and everyone turned to look at him. "I know you would like that, my lord. Did you enjoy having Elia and her children murdered as well?" she asked. "Lannisters. They have always been traitors. That has not changed in the past two hundred years it seems" he took a step but Ned Stark stood near her.

"Princess Rhaenyra is not at fault for her brother's sins. She is innocent" he spoke for her. "She's a whore! She and that bastard son of hers will bring nothing but trouble to the realm just as her brother has!" Tywin said. Ser Arthur, pulled out his sword as did Ned. "Hold your tongue, Lannister" was all Ser Arthur said. "Mind your tongue, Lannister" Robert stood in front of her. Rhaenyra was known as the Realm's Angel. or the Realm's Desire. Some even called her the Realm's Delight, referring at the nickname the realm gave the black queen Rhaenyra Targaryen, her ancestor.

"I propose a marriage between King Robert Baratheon and princess Rhaenyra Targaryen" Jon said making both Robert and Rhaenyra to look at him. "She's a child" Arthur said. "A child who bore a healthy son" Tywin scoffed. "She's been sullied. She cannot marry a king" he stated. "Robert has bed at least half of Westeros. It will not matter. Let's remember that House Velaryon, House Tyrell, and House Martell still support house Targaryen. This will ensure the peace in the realm. Specially after the chaos that this rebellion imposed on the realm" Robert looked at Rhaenyra. She was a child. She was seven years younger than him. She nodded. She did not object. She hoped that as the queen she could keep her son and brother safe.

It wasn't long before she was married off. The princess did not complain, she did not fight, she obeyed. They got married on the Great Sept. Brandon arrived with his family. With his wife and their son. Their legitimate son. It was said that Brandon loved her, he married Catelyn Tully for duty. He married her so her father could be on their side when the war was just beginning. He loved Rhaenyra as some said she loved him. But, the world will never know if she loved him as much as he did her. That was another secret she would take to her grave.

She sat with her husband as he drank himself numb. Robert didn't love her, she was sure he never would but he cared for her. When she arrived to her new chambers she found a box, inside laid three eggs. One was a black with red. The other was red with gold, and the other one was a blue and white color. Robert arrived a while later. The two did her their duty as quick as possible, Robert tried to be gentle but Rhaenyra was a woman of passion and asked for more and he complied. Perhaps it would not be so bad.

Princess Rhaenyra gave birth nine moons later to a son. A son who she named Daemon Baratheon Targaryen. Daemon was all his mother but the eyes. He held Rhaegar Targaryen's eyes. A year after him came Orys Baratheon, now that one was a Baratheon through and through. There was no ounce of Rhaenyra on him. Prince Aemon came two years later along with Aemond who were the spitting image of his mother. Robert used to laugh when he spoke to Rhaenyra about their sons as the boys all resemble her but not him aside from Orys.

Robert loved Jaehaerys as his own son, he had taken him and Viserys as his wards. He began to teach them how to fight. When the princess decided to visit Dragonstone a tragedy struck her. She had miscarried. The Maester had told her she had been poisoned. To bury her child, she had pyre made for the cremation and her dragon eggs were set inside alongside the babe. Her child had died but she left her mother with the greatest gift she could ask for. Dragons. Three of them. The eldest she called Balerion as the dragon was the spitting image of the black dread. The other she named Caraxes as the dragon was the same color and it seemed he too would look like the first blood wyrm. The third she named Syrax as he had been just like queen Rhaenyra's dragon. When she returned she returned with three dragons on her shoulder. House Targaryen would prevail.

#aegon targaryen x reader #jacaerys velaryon x reader #daemon targaryen x reader #game of thrones x reader #aemond targaryen x reader #house of the dragon #house of the dragon x reader #rhaenyra targaryen #ser criston cole x reader #harwin strong x reader #rhaegar targaryen #robert baratheon

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rayassecretlife · 1 year

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Far from home

Pairing: Jake Sully x Fem!Omatikaya!Reader

Summary: You and Jake have always been close since he got to pandora. You were Neytiri’s sister and so obviously in love with him (Jake is single). Jake and the rest of his hunting party are sent to a few day mission across the mountains, but he’d still communicate with you through his pager. Though one night, you find yourself slipping into your heat to his voice, and can’t help but tell him.

Warning(s): Mature language, slow burn smut, guided m*asterb*tion, bestfriend!jake, praise kink, “phone” s*x, slighttttt breeding kink if you squint. A lottttt of dirty talk.

“Y/N!” Your mother’s voice so clearly calls from the ground and your smile slowly fades as you stare at the woodsprite laid in your hands, watching as it floated away. You knew what your mother was bound to ask but it was obvious you didn’t feel to do it. You had been feeling sick all day.

You climb down to the ground, feet rustling against the grass while you scanned the area for her. You could see your sister only a feet away with a boy you didn’t know, a large smile on her face while they talked. Your mothers figure became noticeable now and you made you way over, making sure to call her name once you got close.

“Y/N! My child, I have someone for you to meet” Your mother leads you into the caves, calling out an unfamiliar name as the two of you approach a group of people. “Y/N, meet Tamaki” One of the taller boys turn and almost instantly, his eyes fall on you. A smile appears on his face while mo’at introduces you, soon leaving you to do the rest. You knew what she was doing, she wanted to find you a mate.

“You are far more beautiful then I could’ve imagined” His words a nice to hear but your mind can’t help but run back to the man you really wanted to hear say that. You wished he was here, wished you were bold enough to admit your feelings for him. “A dance?” Your thoughts are interrupted by him, placing his hand out for you to take.

You hesitate to take his hand, some parts in your mind praying Jake would page you sooner or later, while as other parts in your mind knew the hard truth that he’d never say these sorts of things to you. Jake sully, would never whisper things in your ear like you’d imagine, or stroke your hair at night as you lay on his chest. He was too good for you, and you were just the forgotten chief’s daughter while Neytiri was the star of the show.

Jake Sully would never even look your direction in that way. He was your best friend but that was all he’d ever be. Sometimes you thought if you looked like your sister, maybe you’d have a shot, but of course you never would. You’d find yourself dreaming about him most nights, tossing and turning in your sleep like some maniac and waking up in the middle of the night with that forbidden stain against your loincloth.

Were you really that bad? Maybe you misread all the small signals.

For this reason, you smile at the boy and take his hand, allowing him to lead you to where the people had been dancing by the circle. The people looked at you like you had three heads while you dance with him, wondering what Jake would say if he found out you were doing this because while you thought he didn’t care, he very much did.

Jake could spend hours on end just talking about how special you are to him, how without you, he’d be a nobody without a purpose. It was so clear to everyone he loved you, even if the two of you tried to deny it. “You okay?” His voice once again snaps you out of your own trance and you nod quickly, brushing off the thought in the back of your head. You needed to let go of this, you needed to focus on the boy in front of you. “You look distracted”

“I’m okay” you lie, taking one of his braids between your fingers with a smile. He was cute, there was no doubt about that, but he definitely was not Jake. “It’s been a long day, that’s all” Tamaki nods and placed his hands on your hips, guiding you through the song against him. The two of you stared at each other for what felt like forever, you were hesitant to speak up.

“I know I’ve already said it, but you really are beautiful, Y/N” You take your bottom lip between your teeth and feel your cheeks heat up, laughing small as you shake your head. Your mouth opens to say something but it’s as if nothing could come out, that thought from the back of your head almost rushing toward the front.

“Y/N!” You hear Jake’s voice yell as you continue to stumble down the hill, hitting all sorts of trees and plants on the way down. It felt like years till you got to the bottom, barely being able to move your body from the shock it had sent you. The boy quickly made his way down to you, calling your name frantically even as he approached you. “Y/N, please get-“

With a smirk, you reach your arm up to pull the avatar boy down to you, making him crash against the pile of leaf’s you landed on before. His head popped up with a small gasp, his eyes straining on yours as you try to hold in your laugh.

“You think that’s funny?” He asks, clearly in a joking manner as he pulls your body to him, encasing your head to rub his knuckles against it as you laugh. “You coulda got hurt, peach” You giggle as he released your head, your body still well against his while the leaf’s under you adjusted to your bodies.

“Guess I’m not that good at balance, huh?” You look at him and he chuckles, sitting up with you against him which only made you do the same. “Thanks for coming to my rescue, Avatar boy”

He still continues to laugh even after you thank him, making your forehead crease in confusion. He shakes his head at your confused face and leans closer to you, almost like he had been studying your face.

“You’ve got so much leaf’s and dirt on you, girl” You gasp and reach up to rub your face but he quickly calms you, reaching his own hand up to your face to brush the dirt from your cheek and the leaf’s from your hair.

“Is it bad?” You ask and he chuckles once again making you roll your eyes, letting him continue to clean your imagine. “I probably look a mess”

“You do” You smack your teeth and hit his chest, about to say something but he quickly cut you off. “But like a good mess” another crease in your forehead makes him chuckle nervously, his thumb swiping the dirt. “A beautiful mess”

“Y/N? Y/N, are you listening?” You blink abruptly at the voice and look up toward the voice, letting out a small sigh once you came back to your sad reality. “You spaced out… is everything-“

The small muffled sound from your neck cut him off and you almost instantly let go of the boy, pressing your finger down on the button to see if you could get a better signal. “I will be right back, so sorry” You apologize to Tamaki before rushing away, slipping into your room to be unseen. You called Jake’s name a little too excitedly, cursing to yourself as you came to the realization he couldn’t get through to you.

“You there, peach?” You smile brightly as your ears perk, pressing onto the button to answer the voice on the other end. He called just like he promised, and now the pain in your body slightly soothed over.

“Jake! I thought you weren’t going to-“

“Come on, Y/N. When have I ever lied to you?” He questions and you sigh, walking over to your hammock to lay in it. You could hear the other guys in the background of his mic and how they all sounded super drunk. You could only imagine what they had been doing since they were away.

“How’s the mission? Sounds like everyone is having fun” He lets out a heavy sigh and you already know what he’s gonna say. Jake loved to party, sure. But what you didn’t know, was how hard it’s been for him to be away from you for so long. He couldn’t even think of drinks until he at least heard your voice. It was such a curse.

“They are having fun, I just want to go home, that’s all” Your lips turn to a pout at his soft voice, you had never seen him sound so vulnerable before. “How is everything there? Hope your not having too much fun without me” Your eyes turn to look out the opening of your room, glancing down at the people on the ground. You could see Tamaki talking to someone else but you still felt horrible. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine. I’ve just been sick all day” you admit, feeling the small pain in your stomach start to rise once again. You try to speak again but the pain grows sharper, and your fingers almost instantly dig into your stomach to hold. “Glad to hear from you…”

“Are you sure your okay, Peach? You sound hurt” A shaky breath leaves your mouth as you spread out on your hammock, the pain starting to wash over your legs and chest as well. Your body was becoming very hot by the second, and you could feel your muscles tightening as your body fidgets against the soft loom under you. “Y/N-“

“Jake… can I—fuck, can you call me later?” Your nervous of the noises that threaten to leave your lips. You didn’t feel like yourself, your body was practically moving against itself without your control. “I think I’m sick… feel so hot, my body… I can’t… Jake, it hurts” your words make him stand to his feet with worry, moving to leave the area the other guys were in so he could listen to you more carefully. You sounded scared, like something had been tearing you apart.

“You feel hot? What hurts, Y/N? Your scaring me, Peach” At this point, he’s ready to get on his Ikran and go home, worried something had been terribly wrong with you. “Talk to me” Your eyes were clamped shut as your hands roam your body, pulling at your skin with the slightest whines.

“My body hurts so bad… my head is spinning, Jake. I… I can’t-“

“Where does it hurt, sweet girl? Let me help you” Jake asks desperately, but only received small whimpers for an answer which made his ears perk. He cursed himself for this because he knew he shouldn’t of been thinking the way he was but your sounds were sweet against his ear, and he couldn’t think of it any other way.

“Everywhere—Great mother, Jake” His bottom lip is caught between his teeth once his name left your mouth, a small gasp coming after. Only in this moment, is when he came to the small realization of your pain. You were frantic, body moving against the fabric under you just so you could get rid of this itching feeling all over your body. “It burns, Jake. My body is so itchy, I can feel it everywhere!” You could feel the sweet slick of your insides dripping over your skin, fingers threatening to pull your loincloth.

Jake was focused on you while he tried to head over to his banshee, but the obvious growing tent in his loincloth made him stop abruptly. Why was he thinking like this? You were his best friend and needed his help, but he knew exactly what was happening to you and cursed himself for not being there to help you through it.

He lets out a small breath before entering an excluded cave, leaning his body against the wall trying to shake off your sounds that flooded his mind. “Peach, listen to me” His eyes squeeze shut at your humming response, it’s clear your on the verge of crying. “I think your going through your first heat” His words make your mind fog and you open your eyes to look at your movements, a slight cry coming from your mouth as you realize.

“No… no you need a mate to go through heat! I’m not-“

“You are, Syulang” You cry at his stern words and push your thighs together, trying your hardest to rid this empty pain between your legs. Jake hated having to hear you struggle like this. You were so innocent, probably never even touched yourself and now if you didn’t do something, it would hurt you more. “Please don’t cry, pretty girl. I’m gonna help you, okay? I’m right here” He tries to sooth but you just cry harder, cursing at him in na’vi.

“Your not here! What am I supposed to do… I can’t… I don’t know how to-“

“You have to touch yourself” You shake your head at his words, refusing to do that to your body. These type of things were always forbidden to you. That area… anyone touching it frightened you, even if it was your own hand. “You’ll feel so much better, I promise” Jake knew this would only get rid of some of your pain, but he would be there before it arrived again.

“M-mother will give me medicine-“

“Y/N, baby” he pleads with you, thought you were far too caught up in your own mind to even realize the names he was calling you. “Medicine won’t help, you have to do it. A heat cycle is for mating, it can’t be relieved any other way”

“B-but that’s not mating” Your voice is much calmer now, only the slight hiccups during your cries were surfacing. Jake knew how afraid you were and that made him feel terrible. He didn’t want you to feel pressured, but there was no way you’d get through this without doing as he said. “I don’t want to mate with one of the warri-“

“You can’t leave that room, Y/N. The male na’vi will be able to smell you and some will try to mate with you on the spot” Jake is quick to inform you, more worried about someone trying to take advantage of your vulnerable state. Your eyes are still dripping with tears but you realize he was right, and the fact you couldn’t do anything to sooth yourself was heartbreaking. “You need to touch yourself. I’ll talk you through it, okay?”

You were nervous. Your best friend, who you so obviously had a huge crush on, was telling you he was going to help you touch yourself… Why? Why did he want to help you, especially in that forbidden spot of your body. “O-okay…” You finally give in and he sighs, back sliding down against the cave’s wall. “What…what do I-“

“Don’t be nervous, Peach. I can… I can do it with you, if you want…” He didn’t mean to suggest it, but the tighter his loincloth becomes, the harder it is to sit there without removing it. Your eyes grow big at his suggestion and you hesitate for a second, before moving on your hammock to a more comfortable position. At this point, you didn’t care what you had to do, you just needed this pain to be gone.

“Tell me what to do” He bites his lip and let’s out a heavy breath, his fingertips ghosting the tie that held up his loincloth.

“Remove everything your wearing, I can only imagine how badly your sweating” And he was right, you were sweating horribly. You wish he had been here with you, it was scary to be alone when this feeling was hitting you so hard. Your hands worked on removing your loincloth and chest piece slowly, dropping them onto the floor.

Meanwhile, Jake was already removing his own loincloth, practically palming himself at your voice. Eywa, you drove him crazy with that innocent look, you were so cute it became his weakness, and everytime he’d see you, he’d go completely feral.

“Now spread your legs and run your fingers across your skin” You whine, following his instructions but you can feel your swollen bud beating against you, aching for you to touch it in any way. “I know it hurts, Pretty girl. Imagine it’s someone else touching you, someone you want to touch you there” Your mind is filled with his name and you barely hold on, his name just barely leaving your mouth above a whisper.

“Jake… I want… I…” You try to speak but through your nervousness and pain, you can’t seem to admit it. Would he think you were weird? What if he doesn’t feel the same?

“What do you want, Sweet girl. Who are you imagining?” His voice is confident but his mind is nervous at the simple fact it probably wasn’t him. His fingertips were just barely ghosting over the side of his cock, hiding his shaking breath.

Your eyes squeeze shut and your lip is caught between your teeth once again, head pushing off the hammock with a shaky sigh. “You… I-I want you to touch me, Jake” You couldn’t believe you were admitting it but damn it, it’s what you both wanted. Jake hated how big he smiled once you said that, knowing that it was probably just your heat talking. He wanted nothing more then to take care of you, but he wasn’t there. “Please say something” he could tell you were nervous that he’d turn you away, but he quickly silenced you.

“Great mother… you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that, Peach” He sighs, thumb caressing the tip of his now painfully hard cock. “You feel my hands teasing your thighs? Inching closer and closer to your core… god, I wish I was there” your body almost instantly submits to his words, and you find yourself running your hands everywhere he instructed. You listened to his every breath and heard the movements he portrayed on his end, your mind running wild just at the thought of him between your legs.

“Jake… need to… I need something, it hurts” He shushes you calmly.

“Touch yourself, Y/N. You know what to do, I know you do” Of course your knew how to, Jake was growing impatient with the situation, imagining how good he would’ve treated you if he were there. Your fingers ghost over your beating clit for only a second, before you finally put pressure to it with a gasp. “That’s it, Good girl” A louder moan left your mouth at the words he uttered. Something about those words leaving his mouth… it was almost impossible not to let go.

“Are you… touching yourself?” You ask hesitantly and he lets out a small chuckle, clicking his tongue.

“How could I not touch myself to you? To your pretty sounds… you probably look so beautiful right now” His hand was clasp around his length now, stroking himself slowly to your noises. You were driving him crazy to say the least. “I’ve always wanted to hear you like this, Peach. Always wanted to be your first everything”

“Jake… d-don’t lie-“

“I’m not lying, Y/N. Ever since I got here I’ve had this huge crush on you like I was some little boy again. Hell, I’d curse myself every time another man spoke to you” Jake hated himself for exposing his feelings for you now, but he couldn’t hold them back hearing you on the other end. He wanted to help you through your heat now and forever, he wanted you to tell him you loved him too. “Your perfect, Y/N”

“I’m far from perfect…” The tips of your fingers are now pushing against your swollen bud, rubbing circles against it. You wanted to savor this moment because you knew as soon as it was over, you’d have to forget what he said during it. “I need you, Jake. I need you here with me, please come home”

Home, was a word Jake never knew that well. From his shitty life on earth, to when he arrived on pandora, he never knew home. But you? Wherever you were, that’s exactly where he wanted to be. “I know, Pretty girl. We have to do this first and then I’ll leave, okay?” Your ears perk at his answer and you quickly oblige, running your free hand over your breasts.

“Talk to me, Jake” a small whimper escapes his mouth as he strokes himself faster, making sure you heard his every move.

“Knead your breasts, make it hurt a little” A smirk plasters on your face as you do just that, knowing that is exactly what he would’ve done himself. “God, all I can think about is how good you’d feel around me. How amazing i’d make you feel if I was there” Okay, now he’s just teasing.

A gasp leaves you half breathless as the pain from your pinched nipples course your body. You wanted to do everything he said, like he was here with you doing it himself. Your hands slowly move down your naked body till they reached your legs, letting your fingertips ghost the insides of your thighs.

“What would you do if you were here?” You ask in the most seductive tone without even realizing and Jake could feel his body turn absolutely feral. It was like all those dreams he had of you were finally coming true and he was so angry at himself for not being there in that moment.

“Dirty girl, Peach” He chuckles and you bite your lip, back pushing off the loom under you once your fingers reached your dripping wet cunt. “I’d be between your legs… rubbing circles on that pretty clit of yours. God, your probably so sexy when you touch yourself, aren’t you?”

You hum in response as your fingers finger their way to your clit, rubbing small circles against it just to tease you. Your body wanted to come, but you wanted Jake to keep talking. “So wet for me. huh, pretty girl? Even without your heat, you love hearing my voice in your ear like this, don’t you?”

“Open your legs real wide for me, Peach. Want you to do something special just for me, okay?” He asks but your already agreeing while your hips rocked against your touch onto your own skin.

“Anything. Eywa, anything, Jake” He doesn’t miss the way you moan his name and his hand tightens around his painfully hard cock, watching as more and more pre leaked from his untouched tip. He treaded lightly with himself, knowing if he touched somewhere too much, or even sped up his movements, he’d let go without warning. Your voice was all he needed, but he needed to take care of you first.

“Push a finger inside, just one. Gonna make you feel so much better, I promise” Your heart skips a beat of course, you never even touched yourself and now he was asking you to do something like this? He knew you were nervous but also never underestimated you. “It’s okay, Pretty girl. We gotta get you ready for when I get there somehow” Your eyes are lit up at his words with a small smile pulling at your lips. You hated that you liked this, you felt so dirty.

But you loved feeling so dirty for Jake Sully.

So you up the score, your ring and middle fingers both tracing over your slick that covered your lips completely. “Talk to me, Jake. Please, tell me what your doing to yourself” Your desperate to hear what’s on his end, desperate to see what’s hidden under his loincloth. You wanted him so bad it almost hurt.

“Oh, Sweet girl. You sure you wanna know?” You hum at his low snicker, practically begging him at this point. “I tried so hard to contain myself but Jesus, I can’t help but stroke myself to your every noise. All those pretty sounds you make… my cock is so hard it hurts, practically begging me to let myself release”

“Oh, Jake” You sigh heavily as your fingers slowly push past your entrance, and you can feel your muscles clenching around them almost instantly. Your insides were adjusting to the small size of your digits, covering them in your arousal the deeper you pushed. Though, you didn’t feel whole. You were missing something much, much more. “I…”

“Good girl” Was all he could say while throwing his head back against the caves wall, squeezing his eyes shut at the tempting feeling between his legs. “Curl your fingers, pretty girl. Find that rhythm and don’t hide any of those pretty sounds from me” Like a command, you quickly obey his ever word, and it’s almost surprising to you how good you could make yourself feel. His voice guided you through your moans and his hand was clasp around his aching cock every time you’d say his name. How he wished he could watch you be this dirty for him.

“Jake… I… I think-“ Your voice is shaky with pleasure as you call out his name but he’s quick to sooth you, telling you to remove your fingers and focus on your clit. You could hear Jake’s soft grunts from his side, you couldn’t hold yourself back much longer.

“Come for me, Sweet girl. I’m right behind you” You let out a long moan just at his words and at that point, he could see more and more pre dripping from his tip. He knew he wasn’t gonna last any longer. “Come on, baby. Let it go with me”

“Jake…!” It was as if his voice was in control of your body, telling it what to do and you doing exactly that. Your release came crashing down to you in the harshest way you could ever imagine, and you find yourself moaning far too loud to the point you were sure someone heard.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck” Jake’s free hand covered his mouth as he pushes himself harder, throwing his head back against the cave’s cold wall as he released. Your legs were clamp around your hand and your chest was heaving so boldly, ears ringing with his moans. His body was practically mimicking your own with his breathing, trying his hardest to steady himself before the guys noticed he had been gone.

Your body on the other hand, was already starting to burn again. That arousal feeling hitting you once again even harder then before. Jake could hear Your distressed moans and he knew it was getting worse. You were in pain.

“I know, Baby. I’m coming” Jake reassured you but it didn’t make a difference. You just wanted this pain to stop. He worked quickly on cleaning himself up before alerting the guys he was leaving, playing at some dumb lie they’d believe so he could leave in a hurry.

“Jake, it hurts so bad” You cry and his fists tighten around his Ikran, calling it to move faster. He hated that you were in so much pain, even just the slightest was enough to make his heart shatter. “Please hurry”

“I’m coming, Pretty girl. Try to sleep it off until I get there, okay? I promise I’m coming” He’s so obviously worried for you and you can hear it in his words, but quickly turn off your pager, afraid he’d hear your pained groans. “Y/N?” Your lack of words makes him almost scream in anger. He was so worried you’d leave your room, worried that the other males would see you like that.

But that was far from true.

“Y/N? Are you-“ Neytiri quickly turned her back to you realizing the state you had been in, and it honestly made you want to cry of how embarrassed you were. “Sister, your first heat?” Your cries are enough to confirm her suspicions and she quickly calls to your mother, telling her the situation at hand.

You didn’t even know what happened after that, your body was so tired and fragile you could barely cry anymore. You felt their hands but your eyes were shut, and your ears were down with embarrassment. You just hoped Jake would be there soon.

I hate this ending and idk how to feel about this but ummm yeah. First jake sully writing 🫠

Taglist: @jakescumdump @viajaeger @lu-the-ghost-reader @angelsamor @mashiromochi @luvagirlsworld @doggyteam2028

#avatar fanfiction #avatar the way of water #avatar #avatar 2 #avatar x you #avatar james cameron #jake sully #jake x reader #jake smut #jake sully smut #jake sully imagine #jake sully x reader #jake sully x omaticaya!reader #jake sully x you #jake sully x na'vi reader #jake sully x y/n

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the-atlas-sister · 10 months

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ᴡʜᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴍᴇ (Neteyam x Best Friend!Reader!)

(Image from cinetrix )

Warnings!: suggestive content, language, teasing Lo'ak, very slight Lo'ak x reader, a bit of angst I suppose

Friends for life. That's all you and Neteyam were. At least that's what you said when the two of your were six. You remembered your first meeting with the boy as if it had just happened.

***

Neteyam stared curiously at the young Na'vi that stood, fearfully behind their mother. "Toruk Makto," their mother said, bowing low before Neteyam's father. The young Na'vi looked at their mother before mimicking her movement.

Neteyam laughed gently at the act, making his father send him a stern look.

"No friend of my mate has to bow," Neteyam's father said, cringing at the way Neytiri's old friend dipped before him. "Please, seriously, stand up. I'm not Toruk Makto to you, just an old friend's mate."

"I see why Neytiri likes you," the woman said, cracking a coy smile. Her eyes slowly drifted to Neteyam, making him stand up a bit straighter. "And is this the prince himself? Neteyam?"

"Hello!" Neteyam said. His ears pinned to his head in embarrassment at the volume of his voice. His eyes flashed to the young Na'vi next to their mother, his eyes lighting up at the sound of their soft giggle. "Who is that?" he wondered aloud, his six year old brain lacking impulse control as he pointed at the other child.

Their mother chuckled gently, placing a hand on your head and ushering you forward. "This is my child, Y/n," she said, pushing the child in question towards Neteyam gently.

They looked down shyly as Neteyam looked up at his father. "Can I play with them?" he asked, watching as his father's face lit up.

"If they want to," he stated, smiling gently.

"Do you, want to play with me?" Neteyam asked, turning his attention back to the Na'vi before them.

Their gaze snapped to the boy before them, eyes wide as they fiddled with their hands. They only nodded in response, which was enough for the young Neteyam to believe that you were now the best of friends.

"Come on!" he cheered, grabbing Y/n's hand and pulling them away from their parents. "I'll teach you how to fish!"

"Those two are going to be inseprable," y/n's mother said, matter of factly.

"I hope so."

***

And they were right. Ever since that day, the two of you had been inseparable. You had stuck to the oldest Sully son and he had stuck to you.

As the two of you grew older, as did your feelings for one another.

***

"Yams!" an adolescent y/n cheered, jumping up in excitement as their childhood friend wandering into the small clearing they had found as children. When they were young, they deemed it the hideaway, a word Neteyam's father had taught him. Since then, the name had stuck and it had become your special place.

"Have you been here all day?" Neteyam questioned, meeting you in the middle of the clearing.

"Have I? I hadn't noticed," you said, shrugging slightly. "It doesn't matter. Look at what I made!" You proudly held up a brightly colored flower crown you had created within your time alone in the clearing.

"How many of these have you made?" Neteyam asked, tilting his head, allowing you to place the crown on his head.

Your cheeks flushed as your best friend's eyes wandered to the large pile of flower crowns sitting in a corner of the clearing. Neteyam gave you a cocky grin as your face turned a deeper purple hue.

"They're not all for you," you grumbled, cracking a small smile as Neteyam laughed. You felt a bubble grow in your chest at the laugh. You had heard it over and over again but it was only now that this feeling began to blossom.

"You're so excited," Neteyam chuckled, his eyes scanning your face with a small smile on his. He felt his tail swish behind him, finding himself growing excited as you did.

"Just look at them!" you said, letting out an excited giggle as you ran towards the pile of flowers. "Did you know there are this many different types of flowers in our hideaway?"

"I did actually," Neteyam said, following you slowly as you approached the flowers. "I used them to make that top for you." You felt your heart skip a beat at his words, gently stroking the soft top you currently wore. It had been a gift for your fifteenth birthday from your dear friend, and with his confession, you realized why the flowers sweet scent was so familiar.

"How very like you Yams," you teased, fighting the blush that made it's away up your neck.

You'd be lying to yourself if you said you hadn't developed a crush on your childhood friend throughout your adolescent years. Everything the blue skinned boy would say or do left your hear skipping a beat and every time he would touch you, you were left wishing he'd never stop.

The only problem is that he never seemed to return the feelings at least not that he showed to you. So, as unhealthy as it was, you decided to push down the feelings, beating them back with a stick as you did.

"Come on, I made a few for your siblings as well."

As the years went by, the feelings continued to grow. As you both began to reach adulthood, the feelings only fought back against you and your emotional stick.

Little did you know although, as you fought with your own emotions, as did Neteyam. As you grew up together he found himself wanting to be closer to you. He never understood the feelings, chalking them up to loving his dear friend in a true platonic sense. The only flaw in his thinking was the strange dreams that he would have of you. He would wake up after dreaming of you below him with wide eyes and sweat dripping from his body.

***

"Dude, you're in love with them," Lo'ak said, scoffing at his older brother as they hunted deep within the forest.

"Don't be ridiculous," a now twenty-one year old Neteyam scoffed, rolling his eyes at his brother. "I just care for them deeply. They are my dear friend, you know this. That is all."

"Okay, then you wouldn't mind if I asked them out?" Lo'ak pushed, smirking as Neteyam's gaze snapped to him. His jaw clenched as he glared at him.

"That would be fine," he said slowly, stomping further into the forest.

"Are you serious?" Lo'ak pressed, following the older Na'vi. "Because I'll do it." Neteyam stopped in his tracks, spinning on his heel.

"I wouldn't care," he hissed, his eyes narrowing. "Y/n could date whoever they want and if they wanted to date you, that'd be their choice."

"Perfect," Lo'ak shrugged.

A/n respectfully fuck all of you who voted for this. Because I suck ass at writing this

Tag list: criticallybella lollife1617

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oddree13 · 3 months

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To Find a Kiss of Yours

[Read on AO3]

Steve remembers his first Valentine's Day. He was in first grade and spent the day prior decorating a shoebox to act as a makeshift mailbox. The next day the class had a party where all the cards were passed out, but throughout the gathering, girls came up to give him extra candy. One girl even kissed him on the cheek and ran off.

Steve felt butterflies in his stomach for the first time that day and decided Valentine’s wasn’t all that bad.

As the years went on, Steve looked forward to the holiday for reasons beyond extra candy. February 14 was used to fill the void of affection his parents were slowly taking from him.

And once Steve started middle school, and class-wide valentines were no longer mandatory, he realized the holiday was different for him than other boys. He’d get more cards and candy than some of his friends, and in seventh grade, a girl pulled Steve aside to let him know how much she liked him. Steve only knew the girl because they shared a couple of classes, but figured he should be polite and ask her out. After all, that is what all the boys around him would do.

Years later Robin would unpack just how wrong this was to do.

In short, Steve always looked forward to Valentine's Day and even kept a box under his bed where he kept his favorites - the standouts among the mass-printed, store-bought postcards that were delivered to Steve with a personal touch.

When he started Hawkins High a part of him was nervous that one of his steady sources of affection would dry up, but Steve found the exact opposite. The school encouraged the holiday by allowing students to send each other candy-grams and flowers throughout the day. Even among the students, there was a buzz. In the days leading up to V-day, photocopied maps of lockers would be passed around where people could write their friend’s name on it, in the hopes that it would encourage more personal gifts and confessions.

In his four years at Hawkins High Steve’s name always made it on the map before he could write it.

During his freshman year, Steve gets more than a few candy-grams in homeroom, prompting Tommy and Carol to tease him as they steal his candy.

In between classes, he takes more trips than usual to his locker to collect the cards and notes left for him. Some are signed, some are just a phone number with a name and a lipstick print. Steve can’t help but get high off the constant reminders of want as the day goes on.

Needing to kill time before the bus towards Loch Nora arrives, Steve heads to his locker after basketball practice. Sure it could have waited until morning, but Steve’s never been a patient man.

Inside his locker are a few more notes, but among the pink and pastels that have filled his vision all day, the crimson card stands out. He opens the front flap to find the card is actually an origami note, and not wanting to rip it, carefully unfolds the missive.

His eyes are immediately pulled to the drawing at the bottom: a half-sun and half-moon face on a backdrop of stars. His eyes then wander up to the note to find not a letter, but a short poem -

Some people say my love cannot be true Please believe me, my love, and I'll show you I will give you those things you thought unreal The sun, the moon, the stars all bear my seal

It takes Steve a few times to read it to get the gist of the meaning, and he can’t help but blush. Either the writer is talented or she copied someone. Either way, Steve knows this is making it into his special box. Before folding it back Steve’s eyes searched the page for a name or phone number, only to find a small “E” at the corner of the note.

Steve spends the rest of the week wracking his brain for all the girls in his class and even the year above whose name starts with an E, even going so far as to approach a few of them.

When he gets no answer other than a few dates he puts it out of his mind.

Sophomore year is almost an identical repeat of the year before. Candygrams were delivered and stolen by Tommy and Carol. Notes stuffed in his locker, getting more lascivious as the day goes on. It seems his reputation preceded him, and there are more than a few propositions in letter form.

And just like the year before there is a crimson note waiting for him after practice. Steve wasn’t even anticipating the note, figuring it was a one-off from the year prior. But seeing it sitting on top of his books, Steve can’t help but ignore all the other letters and notes in favor of opening another message from E.

Like last time there’s a drawing, this time of a detailed headstone citing a kiss as the cause of death, the skull atop bearing a lip print. And just like the year before is a poem -

To find a kiss of yours what would I give A kiss that strayed from your lips dead to love

Steve restarts his attempts to find E, only this time he goes for a more subtle approach, flirting with instead of confronting any girl whose name starts with the offending letter.

It doesn’t end with Steve solving the mystery but does end with Steve going on dates with Elizabeth, Evelyn, Emily, and Erin.

The Valentines of his junior year is an interesting one. Sure he’s been dating Nancy for almost three months now, but that doesn’t stop some very ambitious girls from sending candy and cards his way. He details each gift to Nancy as the day goes on because that's what a good boyfriend would do, right? And sure, he wishes Nancy would look more perturbed, but all he gets is small kisses on his cheek with her saying they can use the candy as dessert when she makes him dinner this weekend.

The only thing Steve keeps to himself though is his hope for a third crimson note.

Sure Steve hasn’t gotten any luck with finding out who the sender is. And even if he did find out this year he couldn’t act on it. But there's something about the effort that Steve craves. That someone cares enough about Steve to write, draw, and fold the letter each year.

And just like the years prior the note is there, drawing and all.

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well That, for all they care, I can go to hell, But on earth indifference is the least We have to dread from man or beast. How should we like it were stars to burn With a passion for us we could not return? If equal affection cannot be, Let the more loving one be me. Admirer as I think I am Of stars that do not give a damn, I cannot, now I see them, say I missed one terribly all day. Were all stars to disappear or die, I should learn to look at an empty sky And feel its total dark sublime, Though this might take me a little time.

Not only is this year's poem longer, but the drawing also intrigues Steve. The picture is of a winged man, gazing up at the words written above him with an almost longing expression, while flames dance at his feet. Steve can’t help but examine the detail that went into the drawing, and even blushes at how handsome he is.

So the next day when Nancy drags him to the library to study, he sneaks away to ask the librarian if she recognizes the poem (without showing her the note). She walks him over to the poetry section and hands him a collection of British poetry, turning to the section on W.H. Auden.

Steve reads a brief description of the poem, about the unrequited love between the poet and the stars. He bitterly thinks that this love might not be unrequited if he could figure out who his secret admirer was.

Years later Steve would realize two things - Indiana public school books didn't care to mention that W.H. Auden was gay and that he really should have looked at the checkout card inside the book cover.

Steve contemplates staying home for the last Valentine's Day of his high school career. He's certain he won't get any grams now that he’s fallen from grace and taken no steps to climb back up.

But despite how obnoxious sharing court with Hargrove is, basketball practice is the only thing keeping him sane as he counts down the days till graduation.

Steve didn't even mean to go back to his locker that day not wanting to be disappointed by the lack of a crimson note. But he needs his notes to study for chemistry, and as he pulls out the binder the crimson letter falls to the floor.

Steve can't help the way his heart clenches at the sight. How such a simple thing can remind him why he loves his holiday so much?

He then figures that the sender. Must be someone in his grade if they've kept these notes coming all four years.

Passing stranger! You do not know how longingly I look upon you, You must be he I was seeking, or she I was seeking, (it comes to me as of a dream,) I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you, All is recall’d as we flit by each other, fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured, You grew up with me, were a boy with me or a girl with me , I ate with you and slept with you, your body has become not yours only nor left my body mine only, You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass, you take of my beard, breast, hands, in return, I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you when I sit alone or wake at night alone, I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again, I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

Steve sinks onto the floor as he reads the poem over and over again. He can't help but smirk at how the bits about girls are stricken through, but also that it's a farewell of sorts. It leaves Steve with a bittersweet feeling to know he'll never find out the sender's identity.

Over piles of discount candy in 1986, Steve shares with Robin the details of the crimson notes tucked under his bed. Robin can't help but laugh as she looks through them pointing out to Steve how fucking homo erotic all the poems are.

After a bit of denial, Steve finally admits that Robin may be right and kicks himself for only searching for girls back when he was in high school. Realizing he didn't bother to get a copy of the yearbook he asks Robin if he can come one day to search the pages at her house for clues. But a few weeks later literal hell breaks loose and he forgets all about it

Part of Steve wishes he actually bothered to get a copy of the yearbook so he could search the pages, but a few weeks later literal hell breaks loose and he forgets all about it

It's February 1987 and Steve is wondering how he's spending Valentine's Day Eve cleaning up his kitchen after the party wraps their D&D session for the night.

Eddie is helping him tidy as he recounts how on the ride over to Steve's, Dustin was explaining how nervous he was about his radio date with Suzie the next day wanting to do something special but not cheesy.

“I told him he should recite some poetry and he told me that's lame,” Eddie says in a way that expresses their mutual frustration with Henderson.

“It's not lame. If it's done right,” Steve agrees.

“The little shit then told me that metal lyrics don't count as poetry and I told him that I know more than just metal lyrics.”

Steve can't help but look amused and gestures for Eddie to regale him with a poem.

Eddie clears his throat and begins, “To find a kiss of yours what I would give…”

“A kiss that strayed from your lips...dead to love,” Steve finishes unthinking. After all, he read those words hundreds of times.

That's when it clicks for Steve. The E written in the corner of all those notes stood for Eddie.

Eddie's eyes catch Steve's and he visibly swallows. His complexion pails and he looks like he's about to run for it, but Steve sputters out his confession.

“I kept them all.”

Eddie's eyes widened even further at that as if he couldn't believe what Steve was saying.

“You did?”

“Yeah. Want to see them? They're in my room.”

“That's quite a line, Harrington”

“Well not all of us can be poets.”

#steddie #stranger things #eddie munson #steve harrington #robin buckley #myfics #valentines day #secret admirer #stranger things fic #steddie fic

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maltmealo · 16 days

Text

Chapter 20: Where do you bury your son?

"What's happening to him?"

"I-I thought it wouldn't follow me."

You learned that the fast strumming of a guitar had been a girl with pigtails around fourteen or fifteen, The cowbell had been a little boy with glasses and a missing tooth, and the water dripping had been the drive-through boy, Jack. They had found your unconscious body lying in the middle of the road with Doctor Sowa’s coat over you.

It was hard to hear their conversation over the ringing in your ears, it was something along the lines of what you had gotten when you first came here. They can’t leave you alone, it’s dangerous, Decepticons are now after you, yada yada yada-

Suddenly, a little hand clutches yours, a tight squeeze that almost cuts off the blood flow to your fingers. You look down to see the boy with glasses looking at Bumblebee. He was trembling and you could see the build-up of tears already welling up in his eyes.

Your gut twisted at the sight of the terrified child, you knew how it felt to be an adult and have this happen, let alone to be a child and be traumatized by this.

“Hey, mind telling me your name?” You kneel in front of him, blocking his view of the yellow ‘bot and taking his hands.

“R-Raphael,” he stuttered out, locking eyes with you and tightening his grip on your hands.

“That's a lovely name, Raphael, I'm (Y/N),” you introduce yourself. “I promise they won't hurt you, they're just big softies.”

“What do they want?” He whispered, shoving his dirty glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“They just need to make sure nobody hurts you, that's all, they're not the scary aliens, more like the ET aliens,” you smile down at the boy and he smiles back, albeit nervously.

“They're aliens?” The girl with the pigtails speaks up, darting out from between you and Jack to run up to Bulkhead. Jack grabbed her arm, giving her a sharp look before grabbing Raf’s arm as well and pulling them backward.

“Miko no- Listen, we appreciate you saving us and all, but we need to go.” He says firmly, pushing Raphael and Miko behind him as he stares up at Optimus.

“No way, you're in major danger now that you know of us,” Arcee says, talking up behind you and towering over the four of you. You stand back up, glancing back at her before looking back at the kids.

“Arcee is right, now that you know of our existence, I fear that as of last night, the Decepticons know of yours,” Optimus says grimly, kneeling to seem less threatening to the kids.

“Got it, we spot any strange vehicles, call 911- can we go now?” Jack says. His grip slips on Miko as she darts forward, turning around to face him.

“Are you insane? I'm living a dream here in Bots-wana and I will not allow you or anyone else to shatter it!” She crosses her arms, glaring at him.

“It is best that you three remain under our watch. At least until we can determine our enemies' intentions.” Optimus states firmly.

“Optimus. With all due respect, the human children are in as much danger - here as anywhere! - Children?! They have no protective shell! If they get underfoot they will go Squish!” Ratchet all but barks, setting the tool he was inspecting down and letting out an exasperated scoff.

“Then, for the time being, Ratchet, we must watch where we step.” Optimus stands up, turning to face the medic.

A sudden beeping brought your attention up to the monitor.

“What's that?” Jack asks, his grip loosening on Rafael.

“Proximity sensor, someone’s on top,” Bulkhead says, casting a glance down at Miko, who is now at his feet.

“It’s agent Fowler,” Ratchet confirms, pressing a button.

“I-I thought we were the only humans who know about you guys,” Rafael asks, letting go of Jack's hand to get a better look at the platform.

“Special agent Fowler is our designated liaison to the outside world, as he tends to visit only when there are issues. It may be best if you do not meet him at this time,” he scoops the children up and sets them behind the catwalk and out of sight. He then gently picks you up as well, bringing you up to see the elevator.

“Seven wrecks, thirty-four fender benders, a three-hour traffic jam, and on particular note numerous reports of a speeding motorcycle of unknown make and a black-and-yellow custom muscle car! So, anything you care to get off your tin chest, Prime?” You could hear his voice before the elevator reached the bottom and an angry-looking Fowler stepped out.

“We have the situation under control, Agent Fowler,” Optimus started before Fowler’s eyes landed on your bloodied and disheveled state. His face morphs from confusion to horror, to anger.

“They're back, aren't they?” Fowler gripped the rails of the catwalk.

“If you are referring to the Decepticons I have doubts that they ever left. Your planet is much too valuable.” Optimus replied, lowering you to the catwalk where Fowler helped you get off his hand.

“Then I think it’s finally time to wake the Pentagon, and she will have to come with me into protective custody,” he eased you onto the catwalk, taking mind of the several bloody cuts and bruises on your skin.

“Hear me, Agent Fowler. We are your best, possibly your only defense against the Decepticon threat.” Optimus protests, “She will be safer here than any safe house you could provide, not to mention we have the technology that could save her life.”

“Right, because she's obviously so safe,” he snapped back, sitting out down against the side of the elevator before turning back to Optimus.

“Hey! We’ve kept her safe here, and nobody got splattered on that freeway. Team Prime knows when to use force And how much to use.” Bulkhead protests loudly. Ratchet’s tool that had somehow gotten into his hand crumbled under the pressure of his grip.

“Bulkhead! I needed that!” Ratchet snapped, slamming his hands down against the table and turning to yell at him some more.

Their voices slowly began to blur together as you glanced down at the corner where the kids were tucked into. They were peaking around the corner, wide eyes with Jack’s hand around Miko’s mouth to keep her quiet.

Leaving felt out of the question now, there were now three kids thrown into the middle of this and you couldn't just leave them.

Suddenly, Fowler’s hand landed on your shoulder, gesturing for you to get up.

“You going to be okay here?” He asks quietly, kneeling and taking his hand off his shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah,” you say quickly after a dumb silence. Maybe you were a bit concussed but who wasn't? “I trust them.”

He nods, standing back up and offering out a hand to get back up. Once up, he puts a flip phone in your hand, “Just call if you need anything.” With that, he stepped back into the elevator, slowly ascending to the roof.

You leaned against the wall when he left, swallowing back the bile that threatened to rise in your throat. You could feel your broken body finally, maybe you were just far enough away that none of their fields happened to engulf you?

Your joints ached fiercely, swollen and throbbing from trying to drag yourself out of the alcove. You looked down at your fingers for the first time, Bruised and scratched.

“(Y/N),” Optimus rumbles, reaching out and offering his hand to you. You stepped on, not feeling like letting your soul bleed out again.

“I'm okay,” you muscled a smile, although you weren't sure if your muscles were listening to you.

“I’m afraid you are not,” Optimus’ brows furrowed deeper, moving you towards Ratchet, “Ratchet, please check up on her.”

He passed you off to the other giant gently, making sure to keep you upright and steady. Ratchet's digits curled around you and you were overwhelmed by the wind chimes once again.

“Optimus, we cannot take in this many humans,” Ratchet whispers just loud enough for you to hear. You weren't sure if he meant for you to hear it or not, but it did sting just a bit.

“We will not have more death on our hands,” Optimus asserts firmly.

“Then I hope you know what you're doing,” Ratchet mutters, reopening his palm and looking down at you.

He sets you down near the monitor, looking around before plucking up one of the blankets and holding it out for you.

“Here, take this and hold still, I need to get an accurate reading,” once you had wrapped the heavy comforter around your shoulders, he picked up the energy reader and began to adjust the settings.

“Um, is it safe for you to use that on me?” You ask, leaning back and staring at the device. After all, you didn't exactly want another hole in your soul.

“It's perfectly safe, what happened last time was… a terrible accident,” he promised. He glanced back at you, noting your barely hidden anxiety. “Close your eyes, it might help.”

“I did that last time and I woke up screaming,” you mutter. You close your eyes, feeling the same warm feeling wash over you.

The chimes were quieter now, almost to the point where it was inaudible over the humming of Optimus. The warm feeling slowly subsided and you opened your eyes to see the odd look on Ratchet's face.

“Is something wrong?” You ask, your face mimicking the now worried look everyone else was wearing.

“Is she okay?” Jack asked. He had gotten up to the catwalk and was now looking at you with a concerned look.

“Yes, yes, she is fine, she's better than before,” Ratchet nods, setting the energy reader down and turning back to you, “your levels are surprisingly high for what just happened.”

“Does that mean the hole is fixed?” Arcee cuts in, stepping forward from the back of the crowd.

“No, it's still very much there, her energy levels are just normal,” Ratchet mumbled, looking at the readings again. He looked back at you, an unreadable expression on my face.

“Cliffjumper’s shield has been modified,” Arcee announced, placing the device in Ratchet's servo and pointing out the slightly changed mechanism.

Ratchet goes silent for a moment, staring down at the device intensely. He finally nods, muttering something under his breath. He turns towards you, a look of Confused worry on his face.

“It looks like it's been modified to be a makeshift spark chamber, as long as it's on your person it'll serve as the barrier to the hole in your spark,” Ratchet explains, handing the device to you. “Cliffjumper saved your life.”

“I didn't know Cliff knew how to do that,” Bulkhead spoke.

“Cliffjumper was a mech of many secrets, it is best we focus on the positive,” Optimus announced.

“Explain this secret then, his signal’s back online,” Ratchet scoffed, looking towards the computer where a blue light was blinking on the screen.

“Who's Cliffjumper?” Raf finally spoke up, looking up at Ratchet.

“How is that possible?” Optimus asked.

“It isn't! This stupid human technology has another big! The systems choked full of them,” Ratchet growls, glaring at the screen.

“If there is any chance that Cliff is alive, we must do everything we must to bring him back,” Optimus announces, pressing the button to the ground bridge, “Ratchet, prepare the medbay.”

“Let me come! I have to know he's okay,” you blurt out, grabbing onto the railing and leaning forward. Your eyes lock with Optimus' optics and he shakes his head.

“No, you are recovering physically, I cannot allow you to go out in this condition,” he replies as Ratchet opens the ground bridge.

“This is my fault, I have to do something,” you protest, gripping the shield in your palm tightly. You look down at it, the thing Cliffjumper had given you to save your life. You wondered if it could have saved him instead.

“It's not your fault, and Optimus is right, you need to rest and you can help Ratchet from here,” Arcee speaks up, “please just stay.”

You watch as they go into the ground bridge, disappearing in flashes of bright green light. You let out a frustrated sigh, pushing away from the rails and leaning back against the wall.

“it's for the best, and I do need your help here,” Ratchet announces, offering you a smile before he gestures to the gaggle of children.

Miko was the first to walk- or rather run up to you. You barely had time to respond before she started rapid-firing questions.

“Are you a robot too?”

“Can you fire lasers?”

“Do you attach to their arms and become a gun?”

Yes. You were so lucky to be alive and safe with Ratchet and the children you now had to wrangle.

#transformers x reader #arcee x reader #optimus prime x reader #transformers #tfp #bulkhead #bumblebee x reader #ratchet x reader #cliffjumper

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