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ripcupid · 1 year

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🎄"Call me Santa."

🎄 word count: 1.8k

🎄 a/n: don’t ask how all this happens on a couch just think of it as a wide couch. The reader is wearing one if Santa slip dress things iykyk and if not sorry. Posting Christmas Eve I couldn’t wait longer.

✧༺♥༻∞ please send requests ✧༺♥༻∞

“Sevika, close your eyes.”

You call out from behind the door of your bedroom. You check to make sure her eyes are closed before you walk out into the living room. You stand in front of her on the couch. “Open them.”

She looks up at you, her eyes revealing a mix of surprise and excitement. Sevika gasp at the sight of you before placing her hands on your hips. “Was this my surprise?"

"Mhm." You nod, smiling as you bite your lip. She laughed as she twirled you around, admiring the look on your face.

"It was worth the wait." Sevika pulls you into her lap, making you straddle her lap. Her hands rest on your ass, making the skirt of your dress ride up.

“I told you it was.”

She smiles as you blush, lightly brushing her thumbs across the exposed skin of your ass. You feel the warmth of her hands, and your heart races as she leans in and presses her lips against yours. You wrap your arms around her neck and kiss her back with a passion you had never thought possible. As the kiss deepens, her hands travel from your ass up to your waist, caressing and pulling you closer. As her hands reach your back, you feel yourself tremble in anticipation and excitement. She slowly pulls away, leaving your lips parted and aching for her.

You can feel your heart racing, and the warmth envelops your body. Your breaths are deep and fast, and your mind is clouded by a haze of desire. You know at this moment that you would do anything for her.

Sevika kisses your neck, leaving marks on your skin. You tilt your head, moaning softly. You press your chest into her body, grasping at her hair. She kisses down to your chest, bringing her thumb to your nipples, toying with them through the velvet fabric.

She kneads the fat of your ass, occasionally spanking you. You cry out with each hit, feeling like the air is being knocked from your lungs. You sigh when she stops, soothing your skin with gentle caresses. She kisses your jaw, “Let me play with you.”

You desperately nod; bringing her hand to your cunt. Sevika’s hand disappears under your dress, dragging her fingers over the wet spot on your underwear. You whimper, grabbing her wrist. “Don’t tease me, please, Sev.”

“But it’s fun.” Sevika's laugh is deep, her breath tickling your ear and sending a shiver down your spine.

Sevika pulls your underwear to the side, watching her fingers slide through your cunt. Her fingers remain motionless, her middle finger tracing circles around the wetness. Sevika stops tracing circles and slides her middle finger inside of you, her fingers moving in a slow, deep rhythm. She looks up at you, watching your face contort while dragging her thumb over your puffy clit. You grind against the length of her fingers, steadying yourself by holding her shoulders. Her rhythm quickens, and your breathing becomes more shallow as your body begins to quiver and tense with pleasure.

You desperately grind your clit on her hand. She pulls her fingers out as you whine at the feeling of emptiness. She wastes no time, letting her fingers spread your wetness on your clit. Sevika flips up the front of your dress, watching you grind against her fingers. Her other hand grabs onto your hips, her nails lightly digging into your skin as she guides your rhythm. She teases and tantalizes you, taking her time as she listens to your moans.You start to feel the warmth radiating from your core, and Sevika can sense it too

“Let me taste your pussy, Princess.” She whispers into your ear, lost in her own form of pleasure. Her warm breath caused goosebumps to spread across your body. Her request sends a wave of pleasure coursing through your body, and you eagerly nod in agreement. She pulls away just enough to look into your eyes, her own filled with lust. She removes her fingers, bringing them to your mouth. You hold her wrist, staring at her before taking them into your mouth. You make a show of sucking her fingers, a proud smile spreading across Sevika’s face as she watches you.

“I need you; only you, please.”

Sevika kisses you, groaning at the taste of you on your tongue. She lays you down on the couch, and you feel her hands slowly tracing up your legs, caressing and exploring. Her touch is gentle and loving, an intimate reminder of how much she needs you. You give into the moment, feeling her body pressed against yours and the softness of her lips as she kisses you. You can feel yourself melting into her. “I need you too.” Sevika pulls the thin straps of your outfit slowly down your arms, kissing your shoulders all the while, revealing your tits as you quiver beneath her touch. She teases your nipples with her fingers, tracing circles around them and gently pulling. You feel the warmth spread through your body, and you let out a sigh of pleasure. Her hands glide across your stomach as you close your eyes and savor the moment.

Sevika kisses your hips as she moves downward, and you can feel the heat of her breath on your skin as she slowly works her way down your body. You can feel your heart racing as you anticipate her next move. She gently places her lips on your thigh, and she can feel your body quiver in response.

She takes a few moments to admire your body. She carefully pulls off your underwear and takes in the sight of your drooling cunt. She wastes no time, pushing your legs apart and pressing her soft lips against your cunt.

Her gentle touch causes your body to tremble in anticipation of the pleasure that awaits. You can feel your heart rate increase as she licks her way up your inner thighs and circles around the puffy clit that is now begging for attention. You let out a sigh of pleasure as her tongue flickered and swirled around your clit, sending waves of pleasure throughout your body.

You arch your back, pushing your body further into her gentle ministrations as her tongue continues its exploration. She knows exactly how to drive you wild and doesn't stop until she has taken you to the brink of ecstasy. Finally, she takes her lips around your swollen clit and sucks gently, sending shockwaves of pleasure through your entire body as you surrender to the sensations.

Your hands reach for her hair tugging, and you tangle your fingers in her soft strands, pulling her closer as the feeling intensifies. You whisper to her about how good it feels, and you can feel the vibrations of her laughter on your cunt as she intensifies the sensation. Your hips buck against her mouth as the pleasure overwhelms you, and your body trembles with the force of it. You feel yourself being pushed higher and higher, the sensations growing until it feels like you can no longer contain them. You plead with her to let you cum as she teases you with her tongue, and you feel like you’re going to explode. You can feel yourself nearing the edge, and you let out a moan of pleasure as your body shakes with anticipation.

You reach your peak, and she brings you back down with gentle licks before sitting up to admire her handiwork. You lay under her gaze, feeling satisfied and grateful for her tender touches. She looks down at you with a satisfied smirk, and her lips curl into a smile. She leans in close, and you feel her warm breath on your cheek as she whispers, "Good job, my love.”

You grab onto her arm as she leans over you. You feel a rush of emotion as you return the smile and whisper “thank you” back. Sevika kisses you, making you taste yourself on her tongue. You moan into her mouth; her fingers still trail inside your thigh. "It’s too much Sev." You break away from the kiss, your body trembling from overstimulation. She brings her fingers back to your clit softly circling it. Sevika chuckles lightly, her lips stretched in a smile as she brushes the hair from your face.

"You can take it, Princess, for me." Her words send a wave of heat through your body, and you nod as if it's the only answer you can give at that moment. She presses her lips against yours, parting them ever so slightly, brushing the tip of her tongue against yours. You melt into her touch, feeling her body heat mingling with yours as the kiss lingers and intensifies. You kiss her back with a passionate intensity, your hands traveling to explore the contours of her body.

You feel your eyes roll back into your head as the pleasure becomes too much, and Sevika laughs lightly at the sight. You drop your hand from her arm using your arm to cover your mouth. You shudder and moan. Sevika gives you just enough pleasure to keep you begging for more. You look up, with glassy eyes, into Sevika's lust-filled ones, and she smiles knowingly at you. “Is it good?” You can barely find the words to answer her, but you manage to nod your head slowly. She smirks, pleased with her work and the effect it has had on you. "Do you wanna cum again?"

You can feel your cheeks flushing as you stammer out a quiet "yes, please”. Sevika nods, telling you it's okay. You quickly lose yourself on her fingers, and the pleasure is almost too much for you to bear. You close your eyes, clinging to her as each wave of pleasure washes over you. Your thighs close around her wrist shaking from overstimulation. Her fingers slow down, finally letting you catch a break, and you finally let out a long sigh, feeling yourself slowly come back to reality.

Your breathing slows down as you feel Sevika kisses lightly over your face and whisper softly into your ear, "Are you okay?" You nod your head, still trying to catch your breath, as the intensity of the pleasure slowly fades away.

Sevika pulls away from you, sitting back on the couch, looking at you with a satisfied smile. You pull yourself into her lap, tucking your head into her neck. She wraps her arms around you and rests her chin atop your head. "Thank you for the surprise."

You hum in response. She fixes the straps of your dress, returning the rest of your outfit to normal. She holds you close, keeping a hand on your thigh and stroking it gently. Your arms wrap around her neck, pulling yourself impossibly close to her. You feel safe and secure in her embrace. Sevika looks around the living room, admiring the decorations you spent your precious time on. Sevika whispers, "I love you too." She kisses the top of your head before resting her cheek on your head.

#sevika x you #sevika x reader #arcane sevika #sevika smut #sevika #arcane netflix #arcane smut #arcane x reader #wlw #christmas #holiday season #santa #xmas #holiday smut #arcane #jinx arcane

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turvi · 2 years

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Sunflower

Summary: Y/n experiences accidental pregnancy with Severus.

Warning: Angst, pregnancy, mentions of abortions, kissing, hurt comfort

There is no denying that Severus considered the love of his life his sunflower. Ever since she came back as a professor at Hogwarts he couldn't help but feel a little more attracted to her as he spent more time with her. She always shined bright hence his nickname for her sunflower.

So when he heard sobbing from their shared room. It broke his heart. He opened the door to find her face down on their bed clutching the bedsheet. He closed the door behind him slowly making his way toward her so that he doesn't startle her. He rubbed her back softly to soothe her.

"Severus?" her voice cracked along with Severus' heart. He didn't like it when his sunflower was upset.

"What's wrong love?" he asked pressing kisses on her forehead

She cried even harder than before. Severus shifted her on his lap gently.

"I-I am s-s-sorry Sev" his heart was aching now.

"What happened love?" he carefully caressed her face

"I - I am pregnant"

Severus stares at her slack-jawed not knowing how to react

"Do you- do you want the baby?" he asks carefully

"I am so sorry Sev but I am not ready, I am not prepared I am sorry"

Severus continues to rub her back "love, if you don't want to be pregnant that's fine we can go to the doctor tomorrow and get you checked"

Y/n looks up at him to find him looking back at her with the same love and adoration he did on the day they met.

"You are not mad?"

"No, love your health and wellbeing are my priority, how will I be happy knowing that you will be suffering?"

"Oh thank you so much, Sev" she hugged him tightly

"You were worried more about me?" he asked holding her face gently

"Yes, obviously Sev you always wanted children but I don't feel ready to be a mom " she laid her head on his chest

"Love first of all stop crying, you know it breaks my heart when you cry " he wiped tears from her cheeks and gave her a heartwarming smile Merlin knows she needs it.

"We have time love we can have a child whenever you want, or not have one as long as you are happy and healthy"

"I am not upset, I'll book an appointment for tomorrow with the healer and I'll be with you through everything" he added knowing Y/n can overthink herself to insanity.

"Thank you so much, Sev I love you so much"

"Severus blushes at her declaration "I love you too, Sunflower"

@fieldofsecretss

#snape x reader #severus snape #severus x reader #severus x you #slytherin #severus snape x reader #severus snape x y/n #pro snape #professor snape #snape fandom

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thebadgerclan · 2 years

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Bit of Fun

Pairing: Severus Snape x reader

Requested by Anonymous

Summary: Severus decides to have a bit of fun with you...

Smut!

All day you’d been wet; worked up and needing your husband’s touch, but all day, Severus had denied you. He’d kiss you breathless, knead your backside, press his thigh against your aching cunt, maybe letting you grind against him for a moment, but never more than that. There was no real reason Severus was denying you, he supposed he wanted to see how desperate he could make you, how far he could push before you broke.

And that was something well within your limits; teasing and edging you, and Severus knew that if you needed to stop, you would use your safeword. But you hadn’t, so your husband would continue testing and teasing you. You were flushed and panting, overcome with need and desire, need and desire that Severus just wouldn’t satiate today. You found him in the sitting room, and you crawled into his lap, kissing him needily, grinding your hips down against his thigh.

Severus smirked, running a hand down your side. “Well, hello there, my love. Is there something you need?” “Sev,” you moaned pitifully. “Sev, please. Please, I need you. I need your cock, your mouth, anything, please!” You continued to circle your hips, your arousal soaking through your panties and onto his pants. Severus allowed you to please yourself for a moment before lifting your hips from his leg, making you cry out.

“Sev, please! Please, I need you!” “Perhaps later, my sweet,” your husband said, setting you beside him and refocusing on the book he’d set aside. The rest of the afternoon passed in similar fashion: you desperately pawing at Severus, trying to find any semblance of pleasure, and Severus shrugging you off. You knew it wasn’t because he didn’t want you; you’d felt his erection enough times while rubbing yourself on him, but it was still infuriating.

When you were once more allowed the barest hint of pleasure and once more denied, tears welled in your eyes and spilled over. “Sev, please, I can’t take it!” you cried, tugging on his hand. “Please, I need you!” Seeing you in tears broke Severus’ heart, and he kissed you softly and tenderly. “Oh, my love, I’m sorry,” he cooed, cupping your cheek. “I was just having a bit of fun, I’m sorry. What can I do, Y/N? What do you need?”

“I need to come,” you whimpered, and your husband smiled softly, kissing you again. “Of course, darling. How do you want me?” You didn’t respond, but straddled Severus’ thigh and began grinding against him, your hands on his shoulders. You’d been so desperate for pleasure all day, you didn’t care how you got it, just that you did. And while a more rational version of yourself would ask for your husband’s cock or his mouth, all you needed was to come.

You humped his leg like a bitch in heat, your eyes glazed over, rutting with pure instinct. Severus’ cock throbbed in his trousers, and he squeezed your hips, encouraging you to move faster. “That’s it, love. Ride my thigh, just like that.” Your orgasm drew nearer and nearer, and you worried that Severus would once more deny you. But he didn’t, and soon, you were coming, trembling in your husband’s lap, moaning his name, your cunt fluttering around nothing.

It wasn’t enough to satiate you, and soon, you were tugging at the fly of his trousers. “Fuck me,” you begged, and Severus was quick to obey. He didn’t undress either of you, he didn’t carry you to the bedroom. He took you right there on the sofa, and when you’d both come, he took you again. Only when you were begging him to stop did he obliged, holding you tight to his chest, peppering kisses to your hair.

#severus snape x reader #severus snape x you #harry potter fanfiction #snape x reader #snape x you #harry potter reader insert

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seriouslysnape · 3 years

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To the Limit

Severus Snape x Fem. Reader

Warnings: Slight smut. Use of safeword. Language.

Request: Hi! Can u make Severus × Reader when the reader use the safe words for the first time because idk maybe it's too much for the reader that day or smth else you like..Thankyouu 💕💕 love ur writings btw ❤❤

A/N: Here we gooooooo. Reminder, everything is consensual.

Word Count: 2,947

“Okay, darling. Whatever you want.”

Severus has always been flexible in the bedroom. Yes, Severus Snape is versatile in the sheets and has more love making skills than you originally would’ve given him credit for. Sex with Severus can range anywhere from slow and careful where praising your body is his main objective, to fucking you so mercilessly that stars are dotting the back of your eyelids with each hard thrust.

Sometimes, you don’t have to establish what kind of theme your sessions will take on. If Severus comes home angry from a long, obnoxious day then you very well know that a rough fucking will get it out of his system. When you’ve just watched one of your favorite romantic drama Muggle movies that have sent you into tears, he knows that something more unhurried is in order so you are reminded of how much he loves you.

Other times though, there isn’t really anything that determines the kind of sex you’ll be having. If the mood is right for both of you, then you often will just figure it out from there.

Severus’ return on Friday night from a long week of classes was coated with his desire for you. You could practically feel the hard sexual tension radiating off of his whole being. From the moment he walked in the door, you knew what tonight would hold for the both of you. More than likely, it’d be a whole lot of rutted fucking and orgasms until neither of you had any stamina left to give. Normally, a seed of excitement would be planted and begin to grow in your core at the thought of being touched by him, but you didn’t feel it this time.

It had been a bad week to put it simply. Work was weighing you down and you had taken more hits than you were used to in a five day time period. Exhaustion had riddled you, and stress has gotten the best of you. Emotional breakdown was the only way you could describe how you were feeling. You really weren’t feeling up to what Severus wanted to do. However, you couldn’t bring yourself to deny him when his hands and lips were on you, moving to all his favorite places on you.

His voice was silky smooth in your ears as he uplifted you with how he had been thinking about you all day, and how he wanted to be with you when you weren’t around. It wasn’t Severus’ fault that you had a bad week, and it surely wasn’t all his fault that he was this turned on. The way he gripped your legs with his strong hands was an indicator that he wanted to go well into the night, which your tired state wasn’t a fan of. But you loved Severus, and you always wanted him to be happy and well pleased. So you figured you could handle a couple of coarse rounds to satisfy him.

Oh, how wrong you were.

Once access was granted, Severus leapt onto you without hesitation. A tornado of clothes being removed whirled around the room, your shirt and pants ended up on complete opposite sides of the room. Hot and unruly kisses were shared, marks were left on your necks, and no part of you went unattended.

Admittedly, the first orgasm was actually enjoyable. Severus’ fingers were knuckle deep in your needy cunt and pumping vigorously as he found all the best spots. The strenuous activity melted some of the week’s stress from your conscience, your mind being stripped of all your worry as it clouded with ecstasy. Severus thrived off of the moans and noises of delight that he was drawing out of your throat, perfecting his movements to give you an even stronger release. Severus worked you to your finish as you came around his fingers, slicking them with arousal and relief.

He left lazy kisses over your breasts while you took a moment to recover, preparing yourself for the next round that was undoubtedly on its way. Tiredness had plagued you long before Severus had even walked through the door, and you had suddenly been robbed of even more energy, so you were confident that you might not get a proper orgasm this second time. But the moment Severus slid you onto his dick and stretched your walls the way only he knew how to, you knew that you were going to cum whether you felt like you could handle it or not.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to. You loved seeing Severus so enraptured in waves of pleasure and gratification, but you were beyond fatigued. Still, you bounced up and down on his lap over and over again, your already sensitive clit throbbing with each rub of his fingers. Severus’ other hand guided your hip movements to meet the way he thrusted up into you, hitting your g-spot just right.

When you came this time, your sound of release was more of a strained cry than a content sound. Severus didn’t seem to notice, since he was too focused on the intoxicating feeling of filling you with his own finish. You popped off of him before he was even emptied out, the rest of his fluids landing on your inner thighs. You fell onto the bed next to him, your breathing much heavier than usual.

You were totally tuckered out with absolutely no hope of another round. Your muscles ached and your bones were wiped out. Although, you felt a queasy feeling of despair when you saw that familiar look of lust in Severus’ eyes. He spoke lowly, his voice echoing in your ringing ears.

“I’m not through with you yet, love.” He purred.

Usually that would’ve sent a whole mess of arousal through you, but you were too worn out. But Severus usually didn’t last more than three rounds, so this would for sure be the last one. You thought you could push through so he could at least get his release, but this third go round wasn’t a good feeling for you at all.

With your arms above your head and the pillowcase below your head in your fingers’ death grip, you turned your head to the side to fight through his persistent hard fucking into you. On a better day, you’d be all over this and relishing every moment. But now your eyes were screwed tightly shut in discomfort, for each time you opened them Severus would only be able to see the whites of your eyes. The thumping heartbeat in your ears was deafening and your entire body was stiff and rigid, but not in a good way. You wanted to tough it out so at least Severus could finish, but it was just too much for you tonight.

You had to tap out.

“Polyjuice!” You squeaked out, your voice raspy.

In an instant, you saw any expression of lust wiped straight from his face. He pulled out the millisecond that the word registered in his head, his face stricken with worry and concern at the first time use of your agreed safe word. Severus’ heart dropped at your whimpers of displeasure, his brain reeling and raking over what had gone wrong.

“[Y/N], what’s wrong? What happened?” He asked frantically.

“I-I just...”

Shaky breaths and uncomfortable whines were the only noises you could seem to make. You sat up from where you were laying down, bringing your knees to your chest and hiding your face as you began to cry. Your emotions were all over the place, and it didn’t help that you were overstimulated and overworked. Severus went to pull you to him, but withdrew his hand. Upsetting you further would absolutely crush him, but he needed to know that you were okay.

“Can I touch you, darling?” He whispered out.

The yowl of approval was enough for him to feel fine with carefully wrapping his hand under your arm and dragging you across the mattress to where he was kneeling on the middle of the bed. He pulled the covers over your skin to keep you from getting cold from the loss of heat from being active. You buried your head into his bare chest, your tears leaking and falling down his skin.

“I’m sorry, Sev. I’m really sorry.” You sobbed, your hair sticking to your sweaty skin.

“No, no, no. Don’t ever be sorry for telling me to stop when you’re not comfortable,” He reassured; “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

The shake of your head brought relief upon him, but he was still worried. He rocked you in his arms until your sobs died down enough to where you were coherent. Severus was getting ready to ask you once more what was wrong, shifting you so he could see your face. When moving you, his hand accidentally brushed against your swollen, sensitive clit and you wailed out pathetically. Severus’ pale face went even whiter.

“Oh, my love...I worked you too hard, didn’t I?” He queried.

Severus would always admit that sometimes he’d get into the zone and completely drown everything else out. He wouldn’t really be able to tell how hard he was pulling in and out. It was rare, but from time to time you’d have to ask him to soften his thrusts or slow his pace when he got too rowdy. But you had never asked him to stop completely until now. He feared that he had seriously pushed you over the edge this time.

“It’s not just that.” You confessed with a sniff.

Severus had drawn your head back to gaze into your bleary eyes. The tear tracks being swiped away with his thumbs as he cradled your face.

“What is it then, sweetheart?” He asked with wonder.

A fresh set of salty tears pooled and fell down your cheeks, but for a different reason.

“I’ve had a horrible week. Nothing has gone right,” You explained croakily; “I wanted to make you feel good and I thought it might make me feel better...but I’m just exhausted and I couldn’t handle it tonight.”

You fell apart into another set of choking sobs and gut wrenching cries, prompting Severus to bring you back into his chest. He stroked your skin and left kisses so light that they were ghostly.

“It’s alright, angel. I wish you had told me before that you weren’t feeling up to it,” He consoled; “You’re worth so much more than sex. I want you to tell me sooner next time if you’re uncomfortable.”

Your nod of understanding offered a wash of comfort over him that you were calming down steadily. He hated that this happened. He knew that was the whole reason for your established safe word for when things went south or things got dicey. He just never thought you’d ever have to use it. He felt absolutely terrible.

“I’m sorry, Sevvy. I really wanted you to get off, I just-”

“Please don’t apologize for this. This is my fault. I should’ve seen how tired you were and how I was being overly hard,” He said; “I’m the one that should be sorry.”

The sniffles from your nose had increased as you tried to flush down all the drainage from your crying. Your tears had stopped as you sat up from his body, wiping at your cheeks with the back of your hand. The red blotches in your puffy eyes were pinging at Severus’ already guilty conscience. He saw the littered hickeys across your neck and breasts, and how your lips were swollen from his severe kisses. He had rocked your burnt out body to the max.

“I’ll tell you what. How about we go get cleaned up, and then we can get into bed. Then you can tell me about your week if so wish.” He suggested, cautiously guiding you off of the bed.

“I think I just want to get a bath and get some sleep.” You said, barely able to stand on your wobbly legs.

“Okay, darling. Whatever you want.” He smiled softly, hoping it’d offer you some kind of solace.

Severus ran you a hot bath, filling it with all of your favorite scents and smells. Your stance was still despite your shaking legs, and you seemed to be staring off into an endless trance. You slipped into the tub when it was ready, sinking down just below your nose under the bubbles. Normally, Severus would be sitting across from you or you’d be snuggled up on his lap, but he wanted you to have some space for a bit. You were honestly too tired to object.

He simply casted a charm to freshen himself up, finding and selecting his favorite pair of sweatpants and soft shirt for you to change into. Your eyes were closed, and you had just begun to drift off to sleep when he re-entered the bathroom, changed into some casual day time wear, despite how late it was.

“Here are some clean clothes for you, pretty girl.” He remarked, setting the folded sweats and shirt on the end of the tub for you to get when you got out.

You only gave a light nod as a response, your eyes following him as he stood awkwardly. He was unsure of what to do for you now. He thought that you might want the bedroom to yourself for the night, which was fine because he wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing he had pushed you so hard anyway. He placed himself on the floor by the tub, sitting with his legs criss crossed over one another. It was quiet in the room, the only sounds were the occasional gentle splash when you moved your leg or arm. His eyes were still full of worry, and he was kicking himself big time now.

“I’m so sorry...” He breathed out, running his fingertips dragging leisurely your damp arm that you had resting on the ledge of the bathtub; “I never meant to hurt you.”

“You didn’t hurt me, Sev. I promise.” You responded, wishing he wouldn’t take this so hard.

When it came to you, Severus took everything to heart. There weren’t many things in the world that made his heart beat with a purpose. You were the single person that allowed him to want to get up in the mornings. The thought of hurting you was enough to break him down. If he could have it his way, you would be indescribably happy with every passing moment of every day. He never wanted you to feel anything other than joy.

But he knew that life would never allow it.

Your eyebrows dipped when you noticed his attire, wondering why he wasn’t in his own sleepwear. It was much too late for him to go anywhere.

“Where are you going?” You questioned, your voice thick with weary.

“I’m going to go back to the school. I have some grading to do.” He half-lied.

It was true that he did indeed have a stack of papers to be assessed, but that wasn’t the real reason why he felt like he wanted to leave. Severus Snape grading on a Friday night when he had the opportunity to be cuddled up with his lover? He’d choose you every time.

Now you felt bad for causing him to scurry off. You wanted him there with you regardless of what had happened.

“Severus,” You called out tenderly, reaching for his face; “I don’t want you to leave.”

A genuine look of doubt flashed over his features as his head lulled into your hand.

“I think it would be best if you got some good sleep tonight. I’ll just be in my office so if-”

“Stay with me. Please?” You requested, the thought of sleeping without him was disheartening.

A sigh of awe expelled from his chest. He couldn’t say no to your puppy eyes and slightly pouting lower lip.

“Okay, okay.” He agreed.

“I think that some boyfriend snuggles will make me feel a whole lot better.” You spoke rather cheekily.

He hummed affirmatively. The sound of nestling up with you was impossible to turn down. He took your hand from his face and kissed your palm gingerly, holding the warm skin to his lips for a brief moment. He eventually stood from the floor, but stopped when you held your arms up.

“Help me up?” You asked with the first genuine smile of the evening.

He chuckled, obliging and lifting you effortlessly from the tub. The warm towel was heavenly as you dried off, changing into the clothes that Severus had left for you. Severus went and changed as well, laughing to himself when he exited the closet to see you already curled up.

The sheets draped over him easily when he laid next to you, waiting for you to nuzzle up to him. He held you close and flush to him, thanking his lucky stars that you were okay.

“My sweet girl...” He hushed out, noting that you were just seconds away from falling asleep; “I love you.”

You mumbled out a sleepy “I love you” in return before drifting into a deep slumber to snooze off the night’s drama. Severus, as expected, didn’t sleep much that night to ensure that you were sleeping soundly and comfortably. He still felt dreadful, even after you had told him over and over that he didn’t hurt you. The weekend to follow was filled with Severus doting and cherishing over you every chance that he had, trying to make up for what had happened. You were the light of his life after all.

And he prayed that he’d never see that flame go out.

#severus snape #severus snape x reader #severus #severus snape x you #severus snape x y/n #severus snape x female reader #severus snape smut #harry potter #harry potter snape #harry potter fanfiction #alan rickman #seriouslysnape #anon request

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madfantasy · 3 years

Note

I haven't seen you post in a while, I hope you've been doing okay? How is everything? Hope it's been a good year so far for you 💕💕

You're too kind, u & everyone who made inquiries, bless ur hearts.. im sorry for disappearing, but yeah, I don't have net— using my phone credit and hope this posts..

I tried to record my voice answering this, like I sometimes did on tik, suddenly ended up trying to muffle the floods of my burning tears, so now I have an awkward vid of me talking then weeping out of nowhere, which a good reason for me to keep up the no cry habit, heh.. but seriously, I suppose I'm fine till I be conscious of it.. its much easier for not to talk .. even tho I'm aching to be back in thy company, lonely in my foresight to catch on to the present that joins us, hand held out to reach like minded souls but shying from the fear of forgetfulness occurring..

I'm fine tho, did few new stuff, merely drowning in too muchness and nothingness as usual, this month I guess you could say I took an act of mad fury in search of any happy source because the echoing silence and the swarm of sadness nipping on my brain cells thickened, and the reasoning merged with the obscene. So instead of giving my guardians the usual of 3/4 of my earnings last month for net and groceries, I spent it all. Ya know, as it was told to me it mine to do as I please? As being prevented any chance of work if it was possible, 't was supposed to be spent on art supplies & measly delights craved for years ?

Before hand, I've been begging them to take me for months to get any clothing or whatever, be it the first time I ever see a shop, then just to drive around, then just me peaking to the outside when the front door is open, merely seeking change I suppose. They kept vaguely promising me until they refused point blank— getting tired of my nagging, then their car just stopped working till this day. Its in the workshop rn..

Anyway, befouled by despair, needing the mere basics of life and not granted, I was delighted when i found a site to buy from cheap & pretty, I pressed buy without any further considerations, or taking their permission and thrilled to be able get gifts for my siblings too. I say gifts but really they are deprived necessities too and not even much just one each cuz well, they are 5 of my babies and to start with the top of priorities; we all draw

I could already see it, they can't help themselves; heck seeped through the clenched gates of their mouths, trying desperately to poison me with undirect attempts this time, cuz I bought for my sibs they're out of the option of calling me selfish. I was upping the same trance like state of vague existence dealing with them, absorbing their insults and degrading just to make sure my shi arrives safe.

Unfortunate for me, the site chose the worst carrier in this country

I did everything in my power to make it into their convenience, by embarrassingly messaging the carrier daily, they took a week of promising to deliver and flanking so my guardians reached a heated level of threatening, waving their hands nd almost tossing shi at mE saying that they don't care if they came and if i dared to order something again they'll do this and that. Not allowing me to open the door for the delivery guy when he comes, blaming me for missing vaccination dates (they kept missing them even before)& missing going to important places(again, they just didn't go to for ages), made them loose sleep, etc etc— in turn, I seen red and regretfully blew up.

I screamed at them its literally the only time I ever did this, it BECAUSE it easier on them & I'll do what I want whatever anyway, & to stop interrupting me while I try to explain things , then they suddnly back done and be like I'm not mad at u I'm mad at the delivery ppl, that they are proud of me for being able to do all this, and such sort. I left them to cool in my room, Idk how I did it but must have slam-gripped something so hard it chipped most of my short nails & cracked one, was glad I didn't hurt my drawing hand but yeah, goofy mani

They robbed me of the joy of anticipation & the dissipation of apathy, I started to lose sleep again and my liberating dreams left me and I don't think I remember leaving bed.

But still, If not force myself to do things.. there'll be nothing for me if I don't.. at least I know im able of that

I got my guardians happy tho after another tiresome refusal, by trying out one of those Uber-eat like local apps here, since they have no car and being disabled & ill, I ordered McDonald's for the first time. Slythry behind their backs per habit, told them someone coming and they had that look again, but thankfully the guy came through and didn't steal my money, heh. For a big 1800 calories meal I suppose it was passable, the happy fam faces I got was the real treat..

Oh with that thing with the credit card stating I owe them money, waited weeks & nobody got back to us? They started taking from my guardian's account directly to pay it, saying oh we did send you warnings--- TO THE SHADOWY LINES OF THEIR POSTERIOR A.K.A NOWHERE. Thankfully the account is mostly empty nd just for random transactions, i alerted my guardians not to use it. And again, my god, another round of endless calls and promises started, and we wait again so they just don't act as if we owe them a frking 17k dollars that we don't have.. was panicking cuz I have nothing and but my guardians were weirdly comforting about it and told me not to worry

One thing good bout no net is it made me stop thinking about life in general, and stop the tiny unnoticeable prick of misery when I have no input to share, trying not to helplessly compare people just living, in inflated style or not, in media, to my isolated-most-of-my-life style and missing much of that organic "life experiences and chances", heh. At least, my situation would be favorable to me if it was ever possible for it to let me have peace, or have the simple knowledge I'm not virtually imprisoned and have never familiarised with nothing of this world but the surrounding walls.. its nice to have more time to be consumed by muse and day dreaming that flutters life through my dull being and sing chorus of inspiring means for art to flow and finds its way delicately onto my realised canvas.. but no, I continued drawing whilst sight blurred with salty droplets contradicting that happy tintin dance on tiktok I worked so long on just cuz I couldn't stop, not the tears or the mad scribbles of determined intention to visualise the mourned excitement I need, hating everything I make

Somehow the lilac dream still intrudes, visualising me friends, living, in a quaint home, maybe we roommate, arm in arm we go to make every fracture of fate's encounters a disgusting adventurous thrill, like building a maze of cardboard or chasing each other in the dark.. maybe getting that half bleached head and endless ear pericings ... then it dies and I totally forget it..

But what those awesome headphones helped me do, literally blocks all their voices listening to Sev losing it and I can Waltz around not feeling gutted to go and interfere or play the referee each time. But I can't wear them forever, gives me a bad headache, and honestly; I can't be too neglectful.. my sibs hates me for it already hehe

At least these clothing came true to their measurements, felt the new sensations on how everything I wore hugs me & learnt the baffling ways on how "gender" and region plays different tunes on the same measurements. Getting fitting things felt like suddenly there's hope to be, for myself to be me, and ease this severe disassociation between who I am, and what my body is .. from how little I see myself nd consider it worthy of anything because of how long it been living like a phantom among people.. to numb this dysphoria until it be gone one day

Saddened that the only site I can't order from again if they keep using that awful carrier

...

I missed our country's 91 national day, too. They made sales everything 91 riyal so.. but knowing the sellers here, I don't think most of em went true with their offers.. Horrible news tho on the celebrations, sigh

I turned this into a dear diary, guess bothered you enough today, sorry

So thankful to yous, Idk if I can be back, but I'll remain creating, and will keep the thought alive of being tickled when sharing my creations with your viewing pleasure somehow

'till then my precious dears, take care 💛🙏

26.9.2021, 8 pm, sleeping

#ask #text #diary #personal #my art #miss

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deepperplexity · 3 years

Text

Golden Light

Title: Golden Light

Request: hi! could you write some sev x reader where they get into a really bad argument and the reader is very hurt and needs to take some time alone and then severus tries to make everything right again? angst with a happy ending please my heart can’t take heartbreak //Nonny

A/N: Gosh, thank you Nonny for this request! This was both difficult and fun to write. I hope you all will enjoy it! <3 I miss my Snape-boi so it was nice to take a small break from Turpin and write this one ^^

Pairing: Snape x Reader

Setting: Spinner’s End, 1997

Word Count: 2911

Warnings: Angst, Emotional H/C, Fluff, HEA, Trust Issues

Masterlist page // Masterlist post // AO3

“You never listen!” you shrieked as you glared at him. He had the nerve to look unruffled by your high tone and accusation.

“I do-”

“No! No, you don’t! You don’t listen Severus and that’s the problem!” You wanted to lunge at the brooding man clad in his billowing travel cloak. He was leaving, again, to attend some secret meeting in some distant location with Merlin knew who and you were so sick and tired of it. You wanted to chain him to the house until he talked with you, and listened to what you had to say. For once.

“Darling, I assure you-”

“Don’t you dare!” you pointed your finger at him, furious. He did this every time. He talked you down, tried to make you see it differently, tried to keep you quiet and happy with whatever he gave you. Not this time. All you wanted was to be close to him, know him, know what was going on in his life as you were in it all the way. Yet that didn’t mean you got a lot of his time or him. Barely any in fact. He was always away. At Hogwarts, meetings, missions - not that you cared what was said or done during the meetings. Or even who was there. That’s not what you wanted to know or hear about.

“I just want to know you-”

“I can not tell you, love. You know I can not. For your safety.” You wiped at the tears that were falling out of anger and rolled down your cheeks before they dripped from your chin. He looked unfaced. The mask of a double spy already in place as he prepared to leave you once more without hearing you.

“I don’t care about my damn safety when I can’t have you, be with you!” you screamed as your hands fisted by your sides. His shoulders sunk a tad and he looked hurt. I’m fucking hurt!

“You never talk to me! I don’t know anything about you, Severus! You always shut me out even though you want me to tell you about every single little thing! It’s not fair!” Your voice was broken, sobs escaped you and it was hard to breathe as he just looked at you without any inclination of wanting to speak with you. Ease your pain.

Severus sighed but didn’t move more than grabbing at his arm as his face hardened. The Dark Lord was calling for him and you knew he would walk out that door no matter what you said or did. Your heart hurt, your stomach was in knots with worry over him but also worry over your relationship. Where were you heading if there was no time, communication or trust?

“Darling, I have to…” His dark voice was a rumble that made you shiver, just as it had done for the past years, since the first time you heard it. He always made you weak with want.

“Just, go. I, need time.” He stiffened at your words as you broke eye contact with him. You didn’t want him to see the pure pain that slashed in you over his indifference. His reluctance to let you in. Was it really too much to ask to know the man you loved, who claimed he loved you beyond everything else? No, it wasn’t. It wasn’t too much to ask but if he could not give himself to you, what were you to do? Leave him? You couldn’t. You’d always be his yet this had to stop. One way or another.

His cold hand stroked with gentle fingers down your cheek to wipe away the tears that lingered there. You turned your head away as you hugged yourself through a shaky breath.

“Go,” you squeezed out, “I need time to, figure this shit out. I’ll go to my mother’s.” He sighed again, deeply.

“Love, please,” he growled in a low tone and you knew his arm was aching as his hand were fisting and unfisting in your peripheral.

“Don’t come after me.” You turned and left him in the hallway. You stopped right inside of the doorway to the kitchen, you fought with all your strength to not break down and cry. The moment the door closed in the hallway and he was gone again your knees buckled and you crumbled to the floor with a wailing, shattering sound that vibrated from the depths of your chest through the entire house.

After a few long moments when you had cried and sobbed, hugged yourself and allowed the tears to stream freely you went upstairs and started to pack your bag. You had no idea how long you would be gone but you knew you needed to get away from him and have some space to figure it all out. He needed the space too. He needed to realise that a relationship took trust, even if that was a hard thing for him to give. You knew that, understood that to some degree even if he hadn’t let you in and explained why. But, nonetheless, you were not like everyone else. You truly loved him, deeply and passionately, you wanted his trust and you wanted to give him your full trust continuously. It was just not that simple, apparently. And that hurt, fiercely.

…Three days later…

“Sweetheart, he adores you, he loves you. It will be okay.” You smiled at your mother as you were snuggled up on the little wooden bench on the back porch with a blanket wrapped around your shoulders. Your mother had been understanding and caring, but still gave you space to figure things out and think. The time moved so slow and every second was painful as you were separated from Severus. You wanted to yield and just be with him, that little piece he gave you of himself. You loved him and you knew that, truly. But you were tired of getting your heart broken over and over and over. It hurt too much.

“I just don’t know if I can, if I can deal with what little he gives me.” You glanced at your mother who sat crosslegged on the edge of the bench by your curled up feet.

“Sweetheart, have you turned it around?” You knitted your brows at her words.

“What?”

“Turn it around. Think about what he has given to you, what he has sacrificed to be with you and have you in his life. What he goes through every single day to have your love.” You both were quiet for a little moment as you thought about it. Your mother wasn’t wrong but that was still not enough. You needed more, more of him.

“I do not claim to know Severus, I don’t really,” your mother continued, “But let me just say, he loves you madly. Just as you love him madly. You have given me very little information, I know it’s for my safety and his, but from what you have told me about secret meetings that are dangerous and even possibly lethal he must carry quite a weight over his shoulders with concern for your safety.” you knitted you brows at him and she continued, “If I were him, if I put the one I love in mortal danger each and every day just by being with them I think I would have left. To make it easier and safer. But his love, it’s so strong and deep that he hasn’t done that. Despite it all, he is with you in theses dark and dangerous times. He’s with you, as much as he can. Do you see what I mean?” Your mother spoke with a gentle smile aimed at you and you couldn’t help the silent tears that flowed again. You simply nodded, because you knew, you understood what she was getting at now. It hurt to think about the pain you caused him by just loving him.

Your mother left you to your own thoughts as the tears dried up and left you with red and swollen eyes. You wanted to go to him, be with him, be held by him and apologies for the way you had acted. But, you also knew that nothing had changed. It still killed you, shattered you, to not know him and not have him in a way that mattered more to you than his physical presence. He was a mere whisper to you out of the full song you knew was him. You wanted the song, with all the complicated lyrics and high notes mixed with the low ones. You needed more and rightly so. He had more of you, he had more and it pained you that you did not have that of him.

You shuddered as dusk settled and the evening chill strode in. The blanket wasn’t quite enough to keep you warm yet you couldn’t seem to move from the bench as a numbness had started to fill your heart. Is this is? Is this all I will ever have of him? It’s not enough. It’s not enough, I want more, I need more. I can’t live like this. The thoughts made you sigh as you looked out over the back garden that was being consumed by darkness as night came.

A small swoosh was heard and there he was. Severus. He was stood at the end of the garden like a dark cloud of warmth. You jolted ever so slightly and blinked, confused. Were you imagining him?

“Love,” he whispered in that thunderous voice of his that reach all the way to you and your heart leapt. In an instant, you had abandoned the bench and the blanket, your feet lead you down the stairs and he met you halfway through the garden in a strong embrace as new tears welled up and you sobbed into his chest as his arms crushed you to him.

“Love, I’m sorry, I can not stay away any longer. Please,” he breathed into your hair as he held you as close as could be.

“Sev…”

You stood there for a long moment, held by each other as you both took comfort from the closeness. But you could not allow him to sweep you off your feet again. So after another moment you stepped back and he reluctantly let you out of his embrace but his hands remained on your hips as yours were placed on his chest where you could feel his breaths and the beating of his wonderful heart. The heart you wanted access to, completely.

“I am sorry,” he whispered as one hand rose to your chin and he tilted your head back. You were nearly lost in the swirling depths of his onyx eyes that appeared black in the darkness. His hair was greasier than you had seen it in a long while, his skin as pale as ever and he looked as if he were in immense pain.

“Severus, that’s not enough,” you whispered back as you had resolved yourself to not giving in yet again. You deserved more than scraps of the man you loved so dearly and he deserved to feel cared for even after someone knew his dark secrets. Knew his emotions and thoughts that he guarded like Cerberus guarded the underworld if you listened to muggles in Greece.

He sighed as his dark eyes searched yours. You let him. You kept eye contact and didn’t shy away as your emotions were laid bare in your own eyes. He shuddered and you shivered as a tear rolled down his cheek silently.

“I can not tell you, darling, I can not do such a thing with a good conscience.” You sighed at his refusal and that void that had been growing in your heart expanded.

“If you know... Love, if you know what goes on in those meetings, during my mission, if you know these things-”

“Wait, no, I don’t care about that stuff.” You knitted your brows as his rose ever so slightly.

“Then why are we arguing?” He sounded confused and pondering. You groaned.

“Because you. don’t. listen.,” you gritted out as your hands hardened against his chest.

He had truly not been hearing you at all. You had told him time and time again what you wanted to know. You had asked him time and time again how he was feeling, what he was thinking, what he felt about an endless array of things. Never had you asked to know what happened at the meetings, what he did during his missions or who he met - not once. You sighed and stepped forward so you could lean your forehead against his shoulder. He took the opportunity to wrap his arms around you again.

“I’m, confused,” he muttered and you chuckled.

“Tell me, Sev, what have I asked you?”

“I-, well you have asked me a lot of things, love.” You sighed on another chuckle. He had no clue what you had been asking because he had not been actively listening, he had just tried to shut you down and assumed you wanted to know information rather than emotions and feelings; thoughts.

“I have asked you to share yourself with me, Severus. I have asked for you, for your emotions and thoughts. Nothing else.” He sighed and kissed the side of your head.

“I am a fool,” he muttered a moment later and you chuckled for the third time as you quite frankly agreed with him at that moment.

…Back at Spinner’s End…

You both sat down on the couch after having returned home and taken a shower together, in silence. He had asked you to give him a chance, back at your mother’s house, to understand and try again. It had taken a little convincing because you wanted to make sure he was not simply trying to get you back home with him (even if, honestly, that was all you wanted after having been separated for three days by a stupid argument that hurt so badly). You had agreed on the premises that he talked with you and listened to you so he could stop being a fool. He had agreed to that in return.

He moved closer to your end of the couch and pulled you into his side. He cradled you against his chest and you were quite content with being there. You wanted to just enjoy him again and be blissfully happy at the moment - but you knew you couldn’t allow that. So you took a breath and he stiffened.

“Sev,” you said as your hand rested gently on his thigh, “tell me how you feel.”

“You want to know how I feel?”

“Yes, how you feel, what you’re thinking, experiencing, where you are emotionally. I want to know you,” you stated with sincerity. He adjusted his position so he could pull you even closer. You waited.

“This is what I need to do to keep you in my life? Talk about what I feel?” he asked on a low rumble, you nodded, “You just want to know me?” You nodded again.

“That’s all, I want to know the man I love. Not what he does, hears or where he goes. I just want to know you.” Please just let me know you, Sev…

“I, think I can do that.” You smiled at his hesitant words and understood that he would be struggling for a long time to put words on things he felt more often as he never did so before. But perhaps, you would at least get a glimpse this evening.

Severus always kept to himself, the dark and brooding type with secrets. Deep, dark, horrible secrets that were edged with pain or danger. Memories that he had hidden and kept hidden for years. That was the man you had fallen in love with but that was not the man you would stay in love for. That man was starting to show through. You listened intently as he softly and carefully began to talk about trivial emotions, small things really. But it was a start.

So you leaned into him, relaxed and allowed him to stroke your arm, kiss the top of your head and lean his cheek against it after as his other hand grabbed onto the one you had had resting on his thigh. As the night drew on and you were closing in on dawn his grip on you tightened gradually, as if he was afraid you would leave as he let you hear about his dark secrets and tiny joyful moments. His past, his present, his hope for the future. A future he wanted to spend with you.

Your hand held onto his a little tighter at that point.

“Severus, honey, there is no way I will let you have a future that I’m not in. I’m with you forever and always. As long as you let me be with you and love you, I will.” Your words made him shake with withheld emotions as he buried his hooked nose in your neck and inhaled a shaky breath that was strangled by a low sob.

“I love you, (y/n).” His breath warmed your skin before he kissed you gently at the junction of your neck and shoulder.

“And I love you, forever, Severus.” You held onto him as the first light of day shined in through the dirty windows and graced your tangled bodies with a golden light of hope.

Masterlist page // Masterlist post // AO3

Taglist: @lizlil @snapefiction @darkthought15 @monstreviolet @flowerdementia @marvelschriss @simpforsnape @once-upon-an-imagine @ravennight41 @morphineisouthoney @setsuna-meiou31

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You can tag yourself HERE!

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[Feb:2021]

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blitheringmcgonagall · 3 years

Text

My Gallant Lad - Part III

So I got a wonderful anon telling me that this is their favourite Lily Rescues James fics, it’s part of my canon maraders fic We Can Be Heroes. But, because it works as a stand alone, I’ll be posting it here in four parts. I hope you enjoy it! Set during first wizarding war, Lily is very BAMF (but tbh so is James)

Read part I here : After their worst row ever, Lily and James get captured by Voldemort

Read part II here : James tries to save Lily

TW: angsty and violence

PART III

Lily’s raw voice echoed through the castle walls, a lone, hauntingly beautiful gaelic song. The words indecipherable to any of the Death-Eaters who heard it, yet clearly a lament of some kind. She hadn’t been able to stand it, hearing James’ screams, imagining what was happening to him. And when she couldn’t hear him, dread clawing at her every pore, wondering…

Are you dead, my love? Did they kill you? Please don’t die, I beg you!

Haunted by the silence, almost relieved when his screams returned, because she was selfish and wanted him alive, needing him to be alive… almost immediately replaced by rage and terror and guilt and begging them to leave her husband alone, screaming herself hoarse.

She couldn’t stand it when the sound from the dungeons suddenly stopped – a spell, she was sure.

What did it mean? Was he-

She started to sing. She sang in Irish. Fuck them, no Death-Eater could get inside her head now. She pictured him as she sang, her lively lad, turning around mid-laughter and catching her eyes as he and Sirius poked fun at each other, she saw him saying something ridiculous to Minnie and watching as the strict teacher’s mouth broke into a huge grin despite herself, saw all the Marauders chasing each other and yelling and James landing on top of the others. And always his mischievous, adoring eyes turned to her, searched for her. She saw him propose to her surrounded by fireflies, vividly heard that muggle record, the lyrics bittersweet…

”Yours in the gray of December Here, or on far distant shores I've never loved anyone the way I love you

Yours to the end of life's story”

“No!” her voice faltered. “No! Not today!”

She breathed in sharply, as someone knocked on the door, twice, in abrupt succession. She recognised that trademark sound.

“Severus?” she croaked.

Severus pushed the heavy door slowly, almost reluctantly, now that it came to it. He looked uncharacteristically agitated, his waxy cheeks flushed. Relief swept over him as he looked at Lily. She looked upset but safe. She was shackled to the wall, her hands above her head, tied together. She was trembling and pale. There was no sign of the Cruciatus, or other dark magic.

“Are you alright, Lily?” He said, hurriedly throwing a potent heating charm at her.

“What are you doing here?” Lily’s husky voice surprised him, he hadn’t heard her screaming.

“What happened? Did they hurt you?” Severus said, moving closer to Lily and regarding her anxiously. “They hurt me by hurting him,” she whispered.

Tears tracked down her cheek, and Severus wiped it with his thumb. “I’m so sorry, Lily,” he said, his voice trembling – he was slightly scared of her, and then there was unexpected guilt - guilt about lying, guilt about how James was going to die. “I tried to... I tried...”

He stopped and took a few breaths, looking at the ground.

“I tried to save him, I tried some healing charms and... and I sent the others away. I wasn’t sure what to do, Lily, but then I was called away and Avery had... I was too late, Lily, I’m so sorry.”

He couldn’t look at her.

“No, Sev, please, not James, please,” Lily’s broken whisper made Severus’ heart ache.

“I’m so sorry, I’m... you don’t know how sorry I am,” Severus whispered back. “I’m desperately sorry.”

Lily didn’t say anything, silent tears streaming down her face.

“He... James and I, he spoke to me, he thanked me for trying to save him, before he... he asked me to save you, to get you out of here. I promised him I’d do it. Do you understand Lily?” She was looking at him blankly, through her tears, her mind far away in some distant time or place. “Lily!” Severus whispered urgently. “Lily, he wanted you to be safe! He insisted I save you! He told me a code word - I’ve no idea what he meant, but he said to tell you - Graham’s Number.“ “Graham’s Number,” Lily repeated quietly, as though dazed. “James.” “Yes, James,” Severus said, trying not to sound impatient. “We have to leave now, I promised him I’d get you out of here! Do you understand?”

Lily nodded, still crying.

“My beautiful,” she said. “My gallant lad.”

“Yes, yes,” Severus said, eying the door of the cell. “We need to leave! Now! If Voldemort finds us, we’re both dead!”

Lily stared at him intently. After a few seconds she smiled vaguely.

“I’m so sorry Sev, let’s go, I just... it’s so much to take in, you know? I can never thank you enough, for trying to save him, for being such a noble person?”

Severus squirmed.

“It means everything to me,” she said, her red-rimmed eyes looking into his soul.

“It’s nothing,” he said firmly, refusing to hold eye contact and pointing his wand at the chains. “Frangit!”

The chains broke, and Lily collapsed into Severus’ arms.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “Can you help me? I don’t think I can walk?”

“Of course!” Severus said, feeling a bloom of warmth spread through his chest.

This was what he had longed for, desperately, for as long as he could remember – Lily, holding onto him, needing him, weaker than him, reliant on him, asking him, begging him for his help. He tucked his wand in his pocket and lifted her up, looking lovingly into her stunning eyes. Surely she could also feel the deep attraction between them, the passion sizzling beneath their fingertips?

“Lily,” he murmured, bringing their lips closer.

“Severus?” she said hoarsely.

“I love you, Lily Evans,” he said, holding her closer. “I always have.”

“Your idea of love sickens me, but I’m glad you’re so predictable, Severus.”

Lily’s voice was cold as she stepped back from him in disgust, and he found himself staring at the tip of his own wand.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he said, his heart pounding as he tried to make sense of what was happening.

“Change of plan, Snape!” Lily said. “You don’t get to sweep me away like a lying bastard-“

“Your husband agreed to this! It was his idea!” Severus’ voice rose.

“Gobshites, the pair of you!” Lily said, her voice quivering with rage. “Probably one of the only things you two ever agreed on - that James Potter should sacrifice himself to save me? That James Potter was expendable, that I would cope without him?” Severus dropped his gaze in the face of such fierceness. “You see, I’m not leaving here without James. If he’s dead, and you better hope to fuck he isn’t, I’m still bringing him with me. He means more to me than anyone else, everything else, in the entire world. I’m not leaving my soulmate to rot in this hell!”

Severus looked at her hand with trepidation as she aimed at his chest.

“I was trying to save you, Lily,” he said, stepping away from her.

“Trying to save me for yourself, Severus! Killing my husband was never going to buy you my love!” Lily’s green eyes were incandescent.

“I didn’t… I had no part in it, it was Hugo Avery!” he said.

“No part at all? That’s strange,” Lily sneered. “Because your friend Hugo payed me a lengthy visit which only finished a short while ago, you practically overlapped.”

Snape’s eyes widened with surprise and alarm.

“He wasn’t meant to go near you!” he said.

“He did,” Lily said, shuddering despite herself. “Came in to tell me everything he was planning on doing to my husband, and later on, to me. It took rather a long time.”

“What do you think you’re-“ Severus said in fear, as Lily lifted his wand.

“I’m sorry, Severus,” Lily’s voice was hard and implacable. “Imperio!”

Continue reading BAMF Lily here

Snape’s eyes widened for a split second as the invisible spell hit his chest (so powerful it almost threw him backwards) before they seemed to fade, the fear in them replaced by a dullness.

His hands fell by his side. “Is this castle surrounded by anti-apparition wards?” she asked.

“Yes, and the nearby forest,” Snape answered mechanically.

“Where can we use a portkey?” Lily ordered, poking Snape with her wand.

“From the courtyard in front of the main entrance.”

She hated the strange empty look in his eyes, as though he was unable to think for himself and devoid of any thoughts at all, until commanded by her to do so. She hated it.

“Good,” she said. “Now you will do exactly as I say! You will bring me to the oubliette, and you will help me save my husband if it’s the last thing you do! But first, you will bring me to your potions lab!”

********

“Step away from Potter, now! I’m taking over!” Avery’s head jerked upwards in shock as Snape landed with a heavy thud right beside him, closely followed by Lily Evans, who had a glazed look in her eyes.

“She’s under the Imperius,” Snape added, glancing around at the other men.

“Snape?” Avery said, glaring aggressively at the half-blood. “What the fuck are you doing here? You said I could finish him off?”

“Change of plan!” Snape said, sounding furious. “Back the fuck away from him now, or you’re a dead man!”

“What?” said Avery. “Why?”

“The Dark Lord wants to take over torturing Potter and Evans himself, he needs to find out about his missing book. He will be livid if Potter is dead or unable to answer him! I mean murderous.”

Avery looked terrified.

“Fuck! Snape, you said...” Avery whispered hoarsely.

“You fool, you should have thought to check with your Master before you went this far! If I were you, I’d make myself scarce, unless you want to face the Dark Lord’s wrath!” Snape hissed.

Avery had never seen Snape look so imposing, so powerful. He looked like he wanted to obliterate them all.

“Shit! I... but what if he asks who...” Avery stammered.

“I’ll cover for you as best I can, but I suggest you leave until he calms down, unless you want to risk being here when he loses it,” Snape said, looking at Avery as though he detested him.

“Fuck. Okay. Thank you, Cerberus,” Avery said, frantically grabbing his cloak and stepping across James’ body as he latched onto the rope ladder and sped upwards. “Fuck Voldemort, I hate that bastard!”

Nobody answered, aware that Avery was extremely unwise in voicing his feelings about the Dark Lord’s unpredictable behaviours.

“Severus, you moronic shit,” Severus said between his teeth. Mulciber and Rosier snorted, enjoying Snape’s irritation. “You two better help me get Potter looking more presentable and less dead, unless you too want to join Avery and get AK’ed to hell!” Snape whirled around menancingly. The two men looked at him blankly.

“You don’t think the Dark Lord is actually going to forgive Avery, do you, you pathetic fools?” Snape scoffed dangerously. “Throw every healing spell you can think of at this traitor, and I’ll see what I can do for you two imbeciles!” Rosier cleared his throat and looked stunned. Mulciber glared at Snape.

“We hardly did anything!” he said. “You probably did more of the Crucios than we did!”

“I presume you haven’t forgotten that the Dark Lord is an extraordinarily gifted Legilimens?” Snape smiled thinly, sticking the tip of his wand into Mulciber’s abdomen. “He’s going to die of blood loss, not of Crucios, obviously, you fool! Care to tell him yourself the extent of your role in this… shambles?”

Mulciber’s lips thinned and he shook his head.

“Thought as much,” Snape replied smugly. “Mulciber, get me the blood replenishing potion immediately. Rosier, give me a hand here – Vulnera Sanentur over his entire body, Brackium Emendo over his ankles, quickly!”

Rosier nodded his head and started firing healing spells anxiously. Snape did the same, deep in concentration, his wand flying over James’ body. Mulciber reappeared moments later, holding a half-empty bottle of dark red liquid. Snape grabbed it off him wordlessly and carefully placed three drops into James’ mouth, scanning his face anxiously. Blood trickled from James’ right ear.

“Still looks pretty moribund to me,” he muttered to himself, touching James’ hands tenderly.

James’ fingers felt frozen, white, almost blue.

“Perhaps Rosier should come with you?” Mulciber asked, inching backwards towards the rope ladder.

Snape’s lip curled.

“Don’t be pathetic, Rosier is a liability, and far too skinny to be able to lift Potter. I need you with me,” he ordered.

Mulciber opened his mouth.

“The Dark Lord specifically asked that you accompany me,” Snape said. “He said he may need our help in questioning Potter, that’s if he isn’t already dead by the time we get there. We need to hurry!”

Mulciber swallowed.

“Now help me lift Potter, and for fuck’s sake be careful, he’s perilously close to death as it is!” Snape said.

#ha!#BAMF Lily #she is mad as hell #watch out #part IV soon #angsty jily #defying voldemort #Jily #canon jily #BAMF Jily #not for you if you like Sn*pe #stand alone story #from we can be heroes #WCBH

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thegreatestofheck · 4 years

Text

Only One [S. Snape]

part two of “The Other Her”

warnings - mentions of death, angst mostly pairings - severus snape x reader synopsis - You return to Hogwarts years later to watch your son’s Quidditch match, only to find yourself a little bit in over your head. a/n - So, this really didn’t end up the way I expected it. But, I had one (1) person ask for this, so I delivered. Thank you to @palegoopbearlight for being so encouraging. It really inspired me to work hard and produce something good, so I hope this is sufficient! It’s long lol. Also, not a song fic so I hope that isn’t too big of a deal?

***

You never expected to find yourself back at Hogwarts after you graduated. But, there you were, standing in the courtyard and staring up at the large doors that would lead you back into the place of memories. They weighed in your shoulders like pounds of brick and you couldn’t shake them off.

A red haired girl ran past you and you found yourself almost calling out Lily’s name before you stopped yourself. Her name rested on the tip of your tongue like poison. 14 years ago, Lily Evans and James Potter were murdered by Voldemort, leaving their son behind. You heart still ached thinking about it. He was here, the boy that Lily loved so deeply. Part of you wanted to see him, just to see her one last time. Another part hoped you could avoid him completely so you wouldn’t feel the guilt of hating her for so long.

“Mama!” A boy cried out from beside you. Putting off your memories to greet your son, you turned to him with a smile. Perfectly painted lips pulled into a grin, you ran to meet him.

“I’m so glad you came,” he said, burying his face in your robes. You pulled back and ruffled his hair with your hand.

“I wouldn’t miss your first Quidditch match for the world,” you told him, making him grin wider. “Your father would be so proud.”

His smile wavered but he straightened his back and lifted his chin to show you that he would make the both of you proud today.

“I have to go,” he said. Already dressed in his blue and bronze quidditch gear, you could see the excitement in his eyes. “Catch you out there?”

“Of course, love.”

You watched him run away, not thinking you could possibly be any prouder.

“y/n,” an woman’s voice said near you. You turned to find Minerva McGonagall standing there. “It’s nice to see you again.”

“You as well, Professor.” You stepped forward to embrace her with a smile.

“It’s been too long. Are you hear for the game?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“There is no need for such formalities,” McGonagall said with a simple wave of her hand. “Have you eaten?”

“Not yet. I’ve only just arrived.”

“Come. I’ll get you some food from the kitchens.”

You tried to protest, but if your seven years at Hogwarts had taught you anything, it was that McGonagall was not one argue with.

“Your son is exceptional at Transfiguration,” McGonagall told you as you walked beside her. “And Flitwick often boasts about him.”

You tried to cover a smile.

“He takes after his father.”

McGonagall fell silent.

“y/n, I wanted to say-“

You turned the corner and found yourself face first in the dark cloaks of a man.

“Pardon!” You said, stepping back before seeing who it was.

“Severus,” McGonagall said, her lips flattening into a thin line. Your heart sky rocketed into your chest at the sight of your old friend. It took him a few moments to recognize you. It was true that you had grown up a lot since graduating and you had seen him very little so you weren’t surprised.

“y/n.” His voice was deeper than you remembered, more monotone. There used to be a certain way he said your name that gave you butterflies. His eyes widened at the sight of you and you felt yourself smile.

“Sev,” you said, the old nickname coming to you so easily.

“What are you doing here?” His eyes narrowed again as he donned the mask that you could tell he worked so hard to build. All the confidence you had gained in the 13 years since you graduated evaporated and you found yourself back in the body of the timid student who wanted nothing more than to make her feel friends happy.

“I’m here to see my son play his first Quidditch match,” you said, feeling that blossom of pride burst again in your chest. Severus looked taken aback by your mention of your son, though you were unsure why. He talked about his “Professor Snape” (which was still a struggle for you to get used to) all the time in his letters.

“It’s against Slytherin today,” he drawled. You nodded your head, the air around you turning stale.

“I hear you’re the head of Slytherin house.”

“Yes.”

“I never saw that one coming when we were kids.”

Severus stiffened at the mention of your childhood, even though you had hoped that it would make him relax. He screwed his mouth shut and there was an awkward moment of silence.

“We’ll see you at the game, Severus,” McGonagall said, trying to move you forward.

“Yes,” was all he said in response.

“It was, uh, good to see you,” you told him and he nodded his head once. With a flourish of his cloak, he walked on.

“You two were close once,” McGonagall said.

“Once,” you replied simply.

“Whatever happened?” It was strange, this almost friendly relationship that had developed between you and your former teacher. Part of you felt like there was something she was hiding up her sleeve. Still, you had been aching to talk about it for years. Long buried emotions came to the forefront of your mind and your mouth started speaking before you could stop yourself.

“It’s...it’s a long story.”

***

You remembered the fight that Sev and Lily had in your fifth year. You remembered hearing that cruel word cross his lips, spat like venom in her direction as she tried to defend him. It played like one of those moving pictures in your mind as you lay in bed that night.

Everything was about to change once again.

There had been some semblance of normalcy after you told Sev you loved him and you reveled in it. But after what he said to Lily, you knew there was no hope for going back.

And you were right.

Lily wouldn’t even look at him. No one else would either. Whispers followed to two of you wherever you went. Rumors started to spread, no doubt started by the self proclaimed “Marauders”. The more time you spent with Sev, the more you were at the center of these rumors.

What little popularity you had before was gone and soon Sev was the only person who would even look in your direction.

But then he left you too.

He started to pull away, slowly and then all at once. Where you would once spend meals with him, he was now sitting with his own new friends, a certain group of Slytherins who were well known for their love of the Dark Arts and bullying others.

It hurt you to the core to watch Sev make new friends that weren’t you. He smiled less, laughed less, and you couldn’t help but wander why he would be happier with them than with you. Then you didn’t even care about his love romantically, you only just missed the warmth of his friendship.

As he drifted away, you found yourself alone. At one point, you tried to wave at Lily in the halls but her friends hurried away. Still, you couldn’t help but think that you saw a small smile creep up her lips.

Then you met him. The boy who would steal your heart and refuse to give it back. His name was Cygnus Halcyon.

It was strange, how you and became friends. He found you in a corner of a hidden corridor one day, trying desperately to keep your crying to a minimum. He talked to you, quietly trying to reassure you that everything would be okay, even if he couldn’t really understand what was wrong through your incoherent sobs.

And from that day on, he was your friend. You were suspicious of him at first, wondering why he even cared to talk to you in the first place. But he was persistent. No matter how hard you tried to push him away, he kept coming back. Even when he ditched the others to come sit with you at meals, part of you hoped that Sev would see and get so unbearably jealous like you had been of him and Lily that he would come over, but he never did.

Eventually, you stopped thinking about Severus and started to actually see Cygnus sitting there in front of you.

You weren’t entirely sure how it happened, but you found yourself in love with him one day. It wasn’t anything big or uncomfortable or dramatic. One day, you just felt it, out of the blue and completely comfortable. You kept it to yourself. You had been in this position before and you refused to let history repeat itself.

He kissed you first, one day just sitting out by the Black Lake.

“Why did you do that?” You asked him, eyes wide with shock. He laughed, but not in a mean way.

“You know I love you, right?”

You didn’t actually know that. You hadn’t even considered it a possibility.

“I...I didn’t think...you can’t-”

And then he kissed you again, just so that you would be sure that he was telling you the truth.

It wasn’t until after graduation that you found out you were pregnant. You knew it was his, of course, there was no one else.

You had your son at 18, too young, your parents said. But neither you or Cygnus cared as you stared down at the face of the baby boy the two of you loved so deeply.

***

“He died not shortly after that,” you said, scowling to yourself ever so slightly as you watched a few of the students chase each other through the halls right past you and McGonagall.

“I heard about Mister Halcyon’s death. I am sorry for your loss,” she said and you turned to look at her with the best smile you could muster. “Ah! It looks like we’ve finally arrived at the kitchens.”

“Wonderful,” you said with a wider smile. “I’m starved.”

***

Your cheers of joy could have been heard from the castle as the golden snitch was caught and Ravenclaw won the game. Allyn, who served as one of the chasers, turned to look at you with the widest grin on his face that you had ever seen. If you could snatch him right out of the air and envelope him in the biggest hug, you would have. Unfortunately, he had to go meet with his team first.

“Your son is good,” McGonagall said from beside you with a smile. “Wish he was in Gryffindor.”

“Oh, please, from what I’ve heard, your team is going rather well with Harry Potter as the Seeker.”

You could have sworn you saw the tips of her cheeks tint pink.

“It is true, he is exceptional. I am afraid, however, with the new Inquisitor, he may very well get himself kicked off of the team before we even get to play our first game.”

Of course, you had heard all about Dolores Umbridge from Allyn, who sent you a letter almost as soon as the opening feast had begun. You sighed at the mention of her name.

“I was actually wondering if you wouldn’t mind coming back to the school to take up a teaching position for a while,” McGonagall said as everyone in the stands started to rise. You were taken aback, but not totally surprised. McGonagall had been spending an awful amount of time talking to you today, especially for a teacher you had barely interacted with during school.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s not a teaching position exactly. Madam Pince has been having some troubles in the library keeping everything under control. You spent so much of your time in the library during your time here I was hoping-”

“I’ll do it,” you said quickly, starting to smile. “I’ll take the position.”

McGonagall gave a wiry smile.

“Thank you. How soon can you move in?”

***

“Mama!”

You raced forward as Allyn ran out from the Quidditch tent. Even at 14, he didn’t seem to care that the others were watching him run into the arms of his mama. Some of them snickered as she brought him into a tight hug.

“Did you see all the goals I made?” He asked excitedly. You nodded your head as quickly as you could.

“Of course! You were killer out there, little man.”

“Do you think Dad was watching?” His grin was unsurpassable. You nodded your head as your throat ran dry.

“Yes, of course he was,” you told him, trying to keep your voice from breaking. You leaned down just enough to look Allyn in the eyes. “And you is so proud of you. Almost as proud as I am.”

Allyn hugged you one more time, his squeeze a little more firm than before.

“Hey, Halcyon!” One of the players from the tent called. “You coming?”

“Yeah, hold on!” Allyn turned back to you with the widest grin. “Everyone’s going out to eat at Hogsmeade.”

“Go, have fun. I’ll be here when you get back.”

Allyn tilted his head to the side.

“What do you mean?”

“McGonagall has asked me to take up a position working here,” you told your son with a sly smile. The grin on his face grew even wider, if that was possible. “You’re going to be seeing a lot more of me.”

***

You somehow managed to stay out of Severus’ path long for the first few weeks while working at Hogwarts. You fell into the same pattern and rhythm that you had in your last two years of school, practically hiding from him so you wouldn’t have to look him in the eyes. It seemed like nothing had changed.

You were surprised to find him in the library one day. Your first instinct was to hide behind one of the bookshelves.

“Are you hiding from Professor Snape?” A student next to you asked. You turned quickly to find yourself staring down at Neville Longbottom. “I used to be afraid of him too.”

You wanted to tell the fifteen year old boy that you weren’t afraid of Professor Snape, that you just had no desire to talk to him at that given time. Instead, you swallowed your pride and looked back over at your old friend.

“How did you overcome it, Mister Longbottom?” You asked him. He looked up at you and almost smiled.

“I’ve spent too much of my life being afraid. I’m trying to make my parents proud.”

You smiled and a warmth blossomed in your chest.

“I’m sure they are very proud of you, Mister Longbottom.” There was a glassiness to his eyes as he glanced back down at his Herbology textbook. “And if it means anything at all, I’m very proud of you, too.”

He smiled up at you then.

“It means a great deal. Thank you.”

Walking back to your chambers that night, you knew that you couldn’t avoid Severus any longer. He was your coworker now, your fellow employee. You weren’t sure that Dumbledore would take all too kindly to two members of his staff refusing to communicate.

You sought him out the next morning, bristling with courage. You saw a lot of yourself in Neville. If he could overcome his fears, then so could you.

“y/n,” Severus said when you walked into the dungeon where his potions class was. It was clear by the few remaining students that a class had just ended. You felt a twinge of fear strike your heart, but you pushed past it.

“Hello, Severus,” you said. The last few students walked around you and you stepped forward to meet your old friend. He stiffened as you approached and you took that to mean you had gone far enough.

“What do you want?” He asked. You cleared your throat.

“We work together now,” you said and then shook your head. “I should say, I know we have a past...erm...we were friends once....I mean, we are still friends if you want to be friends still, but I just wanted to say....”

Pausing, you closed your eyes and tried to imagine Cygnus there beside you, whispering words of comfort in your ear. He was a steady ground and some place stable to stand. He never judged you for stumbling over your words or starting a sentence over three times in a row. If he was there beside you, you could do anything.

When you opened your eyes again, Severus’ face was just as unreadable as it had been before. But you were no longer afraid.

“I don’t want there to be any ill will or bad blood between us. We’re working together now and I would like that work relationship to be one of mutual respect. You’ve lived your life and I’ve lived mine. But we’re here now and it’s nothing like when we were kids. I would appreciate a having a professional relationship with you, Professor Snape.” When you finished, you could almost hear Cygnus mutter a congratulations.

You almost smiled to yourself. Severus’ face never even twitched.

“You don’t have to call me Professor Snape,” was all he said in response. “Severus is fine.”

That sense of pride that had burned in your chest twisted and became like a heavy weight. Severus...almost like you were friends again. You were partially grateful that it seemed as if he had forgotten how to smile. You always loved his smile.

All you could do was nod your head before turning to leave swiftly.

You barely made it back to your chambers before you started to cry. Maybe it was the relief from the weight you had been carrying around your shoulders for the last few weeks that made you break down, but you had a feeling that it was standing in front of Severus again and feeling like you barely knew him.

You tried to remind yourself as your tears continued to run from your eyes that Severus had long ago stopped being your friend and it had been his choice, not yours. He was the one who walked away, not you.

And he would have to live with it.

***

Severus got his dream job the next year. You had spent almost your entire first year on the job trying very hard not to punch Dolores Umbridge in the throat that you had almost forgotten that it was always DADA that Snape had wanted to teach. But there was something off that year, a chill in the air.

“You’ve gotta be careful, Allyn,” you told your son one day while the two of you were picnicking by the Black Lake. “You can feel the shifts in the wind, right?”

Allyn nodded his head.

“It feels...darker than last year,” he said, looking up at the sky. You nodded slowly.

“But everything will be alright,” you told him with a smile.

“How can you be so sure?”

“I can be so sure because everything will be fine as long as I have you with me and nothing bad is ever going to happen to you.”

Allyn smiled up at you, a twinkle in his eye. He shifted his gaze out to the water.

“Did you come here with Dad?” he asked. You breathed in deeply through your nose and followed his line of sight.

“Yes. We came out here often.”

“I miss him.”

“I do, too.” Leaning over, you pressed a kiss to the top of Allyn’s head.

The two of you sat blissfully in silence, both picturing Cygnus there with you. It was a happy thought.

Later that day, you were in your chambers getting ready for bed when a hurried knock came to your door.

Scowling, you walked over, part of you fearing that it was Allyn. But when you threw your door wide open, you were more than surprised to see who was on the other side.

“Severus.”

He looked a mess. Dishelved, paler than usual, his eyes wide with fear. He breathed heavily, leaning one hand up against your doorframe as if it was the only thing keeping him upright.

“Severus, what’s-”

“Can I come in?” He asked. His monotonous façade was dropped and you heard the fear in his voice, fear and worry.

“Of course.” You stepped out of the way and let him inside. He crossed the room before you even had the chance to close your door, leaning his back up against your far wall. “Please, tell me what’s happened.”

He pressed his lips together, as if physically keeping a secret inside his mouth. Your heart thrummed in your chest. Only once before had you ever seen him so out of state and that was the night Lily died. He came to your house to deliver the news, but he ended up crying on your bathroom floor instead. That had been the last time you saw him before coming to work at Hogwarts and here you were again in a similar situation.

“I can’t,” he said finally, shaking his head. “No, I can’t.”

“Okay. That’s okay.” You stepped toward him with one raised hand. As slow as your movements were, he still flinched away. “You’re okay, Sev. You’re safe in here.”

He shut his eyes, squeezing them as tight as he could as he leaned his head against the wall. He slowly slid to the ground, knees pressed up against his chest as he rested his face in his arms.

You were frozen where you were. A thousand questions rattled through your brain that you knew would never be answered. You looked at him more carefully and on one of his arms you could see a series of scars that were unmistakable. The Unbreakable Vow.

“Oh, Sev,” you breathed, your heart going suddenly still. What have you done?

At the sound of your voice, he started to cry. It was such a shocking sound that for a few moments, you didn’t even realize that was what was happening. And the few moments after that, you weren’t entirely sure what to do.

But then you reminded yourself that the crying man before you was your friend. And maybe you weren’t great with talking to people and maybe your social skills weren’t the best, but if there was one thing you were good at, it was taking care of the few friends you had.

Pushing past whatever roadblock kept you from comforting him, you stepped forward, quiet on your toes so not to startle him. He flinched again as you slowly lowered yourself to the ground next to him. Moving as slowly as you could so you didn’t startle him away, you slowly put your arms around him. One arm behind his neck and the other wrapped around his front so you could rest your palm against the side of his head.

He tensed against your touch for the first couple of seconds, but the he softened and then he collapsed, turning in toward you. He grabbed your arm for dear life, his fists stuffed full of your long sleeves. His tear stricken face was pressed to your chest, your chin resting on the top of his head as he cried. It broke your heart to hear such a closed down man cry the way he was. Even more so, it killed you to know that your best friend was suffering and there wasn’t a single thing you could do about it.

“Shh,” you whispered gently, holding him as tight as you could. “You are safe, Sev. I’m here. I’m here.”

Dumbledore was killed two months later.

He had never been your favorite person, but seeing his lifeless body lay motionless on the hard stone ground sent chills down your spine. It didn’t help that there had just been Death Eaters storming the castle, Severus as their head.

You weren’t sure what broke your heart more; the fact that he had been working with the Death Eaters all this time and put your son in danger or the fact that he had the chance to kill you but he didn’t.

Allyn was sobbing as you held onto him from behind. Almost the entire school stood around their headmaster’s body, a painful silence hung over all of them. Without Dumbledore, it seemed like the fight against Voldemort would be a vain one.

The world was no longer safe and there was no where to take your son away. Either Voldemort had to die or Allyn could never live in peace again. And for you, only one of those was an option.

***

You gasped, jumping to the side as a spell flew overhead. Taking barely any time to recover from your fall, you fired a return spell at the Death Eater in front of you.

You breathed in deeply through your nose, hoping to stifle the burning fear in your chest. This was a different kind of fear than you were used to. This was deeper, immediate, like gliding over a smooth surface. You were mortified, but there was absolutely no time to waste in being afraid.

Out of the corner of your eye, you caught sight of the three children who had done the most for this school in the past seven years. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were scurrying across the grounds, heading toward to boat dock. You glanced back at the castle, knowing full well that the battle was raging heavily there and they could use every wand they could get. But you also knew that if those three were going somewhere, it was important.

And you weren’t going to leave them alone.

You supposed you were a bit braver knowing that Allyn was safe and far from here. He had protested wildly when you demanded that he go home, but you didn’t care how loudly he screamed. There was no way you were going to lose him to the same people who killed his father. As long as he was safe from here, you would die fighting Voldemort’s army if that was what it took.

You hurried after the kids, keeping yourself at a safe distance away so you didn’t startle them. When they reached the boat house, you ducked behind a tree. There were voices inside the building. One was definitely the raspy voice of Voldemort. The other was just as easy to place.

“Severus,” you whispered to yourself. Your heart panged painfully. If this past year with him as headmaster had taught you anything, it was that he was no longer the boy you once loved. He had grown up and made all the wrong choices. But you had grown up too.

And then your heard the hiss of a snake and the sickening sound of a body hitting loose glass window panes. You covered your mouth with your hand to keep yourself from gasping too loudly. You knew before you even came from out behind the tree what had happened.

Almost instantly, hot tears started to slide down your cheeks. You could hear Voldemort disapparate and as soon as he was gone, you pushed yourself out from behind the tree and ran toward the children. They snapped their heads toward you, wands raised, and you put your hands up.

It took them a few seconds to recognize you, but once they did, they relaxed.

“Professor Snape-” Miss Granger started, her face blanched from fear. You nodded your head.

Mister Potter was the first one to move. He stood from where he was, his legs shaking as he rose. He moved toward the door like he was walking on glass. You supposed, as the adult, you should be the first to go inside, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move. Not until Harry was all the way inside.

The boathouse smelled like algae. That stench was the only thing you could think about when you first entered. Staring down at Severus as he lay bleeding on the ground, all you could do was wonder why, with all the magic in the world, they couldn’t make the boathouse smell better.

Ron kept a tight arm wrapped around Hermione by the door while you and Harry walked toward Severus on the ground.

“Professor,” Harry said. Severus head lolled to the side and you could see the wide, bleeding gash on his neck. Your lips trembled as you lowered yourself slowly to the ground on the other side. The stone floor was cold, even through your pants. Severus didn’t even look at you.

Silver tears rolled from his eyes, but it was nothing like that night the year before. These were tears of a tired man in pain, ready to let go.

“Take them,” he said to Harry, his voice hoarse. “Take them!”

“Hermione, a vial?” Harry turned back toward his friend.

“Here,” you said, pulling a vial out the pocket of your cloak. You couldn’t remember why you had put it there, but you were glad you did. Harry took it, his hands shaking, and dipped the rim underneath Severus’ tears, collecting them at the bottom.

You were lost. The tears of a dying man meant nothing to you, but Severus seemed to relax once Harry had them in his possession. He took in a shuddering breath and you reached out to grab his hand. Still, he looked at Harry, who held his gaze.

“You have your mother’s eyes,” Severus said. You pushed down a sob. Even with his dying breath, he still thought of her. You hung your head so the children wouldn’t see you crying.

Severus breathed in another shaking breath and squeezed your hand as he let it out. You looked back up at him, but that was it.

He was gone.

***

You were still numb when the battle was over. It was all a blur to you, what happened after Severus died. Harry died but then he wasn’t dead, more fighting. You could barely hear the screams over the buzzing in your ears. Your mind was a blank, banking completely on muscle memory to keep you alive.

But once it was all over, that numbness didn’t fade. You sat with Madam Pince in the Great Hall. It seemed smaller now. You weren’t sure why.

Across from you, Remus Lupin and his new wife lay with their hands clasped together. That made you the last one. You were the only one left. Not even that thought produced a single tear.

“Miss Halcyon?”

You looked up to find Neville Longbottom standing in front of you and you somehow managed to smile. He had cut the head off the snake that sat on Voldemort’s shoulders. it was quite the spectacle.

“Harry’s looking for you,” he said. Your smile turned into a scowl and you pushed yourself onto your feet.

“For me?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Won’t say, but he’s in Dumbledore’s Office.”

You nodded your head and took a step forward. Before you walked past the boy, you placed your hand on his shoulder.

“You have made your parents very proud, Mister Longbottom,” you told him. His cheeks turned red, but he nodded anyway.

“And you’ve made your son proud, Miss Halcyon.” You were going to ask him what he meant, but he gave you no time to do so. “Harry. Dumbledore’s Office.”

“Right. Be safe, Neville.”

“The war’s over.”

“Still. Be safe.”

“Will do, Miss H.”

He turned away from you then, sitting in the place you had just been. That left you to go find Harry.

It was a horrible thing, to walk through the castle when it was full of so much destruction. Nearly every corridor was destroyed to some degree. Large slabs of cement littered the ground. Blood splattered here and there. It was impossible to determine if the blood was from someone on your side or someone on Voldemort’s. Either way, you felt your stomach curdle at the sight of it.

Most of the bodies had been cleared at that point, but some still lay around here and there. You tried to ignore them.

You weren’t sure if you should knock on the door to Dumbledore’s office or if you should just go in. You decided that you were an adult and knocking wasn’t required when both men who once worked in that office were now dead.

You pushed your way inside.

Harry was just sitting there on the stairs, the same look of numbness on his face that you imagined was on yours. When he saw you, he looked up and stood.

“Neville said you wanted to see me,” you said, pulling on the edges of your sleeves. The edges were singed and still hot from someone setting your cloak on fire.

“I need to show you something,” he said, taking a few steps toward you. “Or, I guess, Professor Snape does.”

You tilted your head to the side, eyebrows pinched together.

“I don’t understand.”

“You will.”

He beckoned you over to a round bowl floating in the middle of the room.

“What is this?”

“A pensive. It shows you memories.”

You remembered the tears that Harry had collected. They hadn’t been tears at all. They were Severus’ memories.

“He showed me what I needed to see to defeat Voldemort, but I think he left something for you, too.”

You shook your head slowly, tears gathering in your eyes like a storm.

“I don’t want to see his memories.”

“I think you need to.”

You look at the water bowl, rolling your lower lip between your teeth. You looked back at Harry then and finally saw what Severus was talking about. He really did have Lily’s eyes.

“Your mother and I, we were friends, you know,” you said. Harry almost smiled.

“Yeah, I know.”

“I miss her very much,” you told him. “Very much.”

Harry said nothing and you took that to mean that you had better get to surfing through Severus’ memories.

When you placed your face in the bowl, you saw all the same things Harry did. You saw how Severus met Lily, all the time they spent together. You watched how he fell in love with her and how she fell in love with James. You watched yourself on the sidelines of these memories, never speaking, only there in passing. You watched him find her body, watched him as he went pleading with Dumbledore. You watched his horror as he discovered what Dumbledore’s plan for Harry was.

You thought that was it. But then it seemed to start over.

All the memories that had been so full of Lily were now full of you. You watched him laugh beside you at the Black Lake. You watched his little smile at you while you slept on one of your books. You had been studying for OWLs. You remembered that. You watched the two of you dancing horribly in one of the spare classrooms while the rest of the school was partying in the Great Hall one Halloween night. You watched as he held you in the darkness of your room, your parents screaming at each other downstairs. You watched as you stood between him and a spell shot his way by James Potter in third year.

And then you saw him pull away from you at the end of fifth year. He watched on as you and Cygnus grew closer and anger bubbled in your chest. It wasn’t your anger though, it was his.

“Why did you do it?” You wondered as you watched on. “Why did you push me away?”

He seemed to have the answer for you.

Those friends he had, the ones who all turned out to be Death Eaters. You watched them mock you and so many others, joking about how they would torture and hurt you. How, as Voldemort grew more powerful, people like you would be rid of.

But once he had separated ties with you completely, your name was no longer brought up. They mocked and made fun of and threatened others, but not you, never you.

As long as Severus was away from you, you were safe.

You watched the night he came to your house after Lily died. Cygnus was still alive at that point, he was the one who opened the door. Hearing those heart wrenching sobs from Severus broke your heart all over again.

You watched the day you first came back to Hogwarts. You saw yourself through his eyes.

You watched the scene that sent him to your door crying. How the poor Malfoy boy was being forced to kill Dumbledore, but Severus knew he wouldn’t have the strength to do it. Severus knew that he would have to kill one of the only people he had ever trusted.

The last thing you saw was Severus standing in front of the mirror. He was staring at himself, but he was looking at you.

“If something happens to me, y/n, know that I...I am sorry. For everything.”

For everything. Everything that he had just showed you. Everything that he had done. Everything that he was going to do.

“Not all of this was for her,” he said. “Some of it was for you. You were the only one...the only one who stayed after it all. There is so much I wish to tell you, but I can’t. So, I just have one thing to say to you. Thank you.”

There wasn’t even a lingering second before the memory disappeared. Your vision darkened, the murky water returning.

You straightened your back, lifting your face from the bowl. Water trickled down your cheeks, but it wasn’t the water from the bowl. It was your tears.

You ran your sleeve underneath your nose once before turning to face the empty room. Harry had left sometime while you were in the memories. Well enough, you thought. Better than him seeing you in such a mess.

You left the office, leaving behind the last memories of your best friend. It was time to move on. He was gone. He had been gone for a very, very long time.

“It’s time to move on.”

“Mama!”

You snapped your head to the side at the sound of Allyn’s voice.

“Allyn?” Your voice broke.

He was bolting toward you through one of the destroyed corridors, grinning. His face was covered in soot and dust and dirt, but he never looked so happy. His clothes were torn and singed like yours were. It didn’t take long for you to put two and two together. He had never left the battle. He had been here the whole time.

But you had no time to be angry with him. Just at the sight of your son, your heart started to soar back to life. The numbness faded and you took one step forward and then another and another until you were running toward him just as quickly as he was running toward you.

The two of you collided, holding onto each other for dear life.

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” you whispered, more to yourself than to him.

“It’s over,” he said when he pulled away. The sixteen year old boy in front of you was all you needed, you realized. Cygnus was gone, Severus was gone, Lily was gone, but you still had your son. As long as he was there, nothing else mattered.

#severus snape #sequel #severus snape imagine #severus snape x reader #harry potter imagine #harry potter fic #snape x reader #snape imagine #snape fic #snape angst #battle of hogwarts #very long for literally no reason #why did I write a sequel to a fic?#because one singular person asked me to #thats why

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ilikefandom · 3 years

Text

Guilt and Unwanted Attention

Request: Hi love<3 do you think you could do a part 2 to the snape x reader fic where he goes to jail. Maybe the reader has moved on and Severus realized he messed up and wants her back? If not I understand

Requested by: Anon

Genre: Angst, with a hopeful ending

Synopsis: (Y/n) meets the cute barista of a Cokeworth cafe, Severus assumes they're in love.

Pairings: Severus Snape x Fem reader

Warnings: Angst, mention of alcohol consumption

It had been a few months since the trial had ended, and the same amount of time since Severus Snape had spoken to (Y/n). He still felt guilty about how he had treated her and he needed to speak to her again.

He went to her house. He stood outside her window at night. He ran his fingers over all of the letters she had sent him that he didn’t bother to answer. Severus Snape was a mess. A ball of rubbish hormones and feelings, no better than his teenage students.

He needed her. As a friend. As a best friend. Maybe even, as a partner, although he could never consciously admit that.

(Y/n) had the same need as Severus, however, the light that had filled their friendship had slunk away, replaced by the shadow of its disappearance. Her sadness filled her days and the letters that she sent to him dwindled into nothing.

If all the trying was for nothing, then maybe Severus did mean what he said to her, and that he didn’t want to be with her anymore, as a friend or anything else.

She made her way to the local cafe in Cokeworth, deciding to take in more muggle culture for her return to Hogwarts in the Fall to teach muggle studies. And to think she took a year off, just to follow Severus’ trial. Sliding into her booth with her new muggle technology, a cell phone, (Y/n) searched for something, anything to keep her mind off of Severus.

She had only been there a few times and the barista was always nice. He would make her tea just right and gave her the perfect ratio of cream and sugar. His name was Jaymi and he was wonderful.

Over the time she had known him, Jaymi kept to himself, but he always understood her and her feelings. He had, in time, confessed that he didn’t usually work at the counter. He was one of the owners of the cafe and both he and his sister, Alex, enjoyed it immensely.

He began to slowly sneak his way into her heart, being a muggle, she couldn’t disclose her true job, but he found out she was a teacher at a boarding school. Jaymi always made her smile, and that job position had been vacant for a while.

Severus, on the other hand, prefered to make his espresso himself so he only ventured down to the cafe for the black potion that kept him awake. Putting on some muggle clothes and tying his hair up, he made his way down to the main street.

He heard laughter from the cafe as he stepped inside. Frozen in the moment, he gazed at (Y/n) who was sitting at a table with a computer, laughing at something a young man had said, a muggle man.

“Jaymi! How are you so hilarious?” (Y/n) chortled as she continued to type a lesson plan for October.

“I say it’s pure genetics. Or maybe a spark for people I like.” His eyes sparkled as he smiled down at (Y/n).

“Enough with the electricity puns Jay!” She continued to giggle to herself.

Jaymi, noticing that Snape was in the door looked over at him and smiled. “What can I get you today?”

(Y/n) resisted the urge to turn around when she heard Severus’ melodious voice say, “An espresso.” She became rigid, her crush from both work and childhood, was standing right behind her, months after their blow up.

“Hello, Severus.” (Y/n) said as she continued to work on her slide show.

Severus grunted in return, more annoyed with Jaymi than anyone else. (Y/n) looked nice today, and he craved that niceness to be directed to him and not at some nobody from this tiny town.

Jaymi handed him the shot and strode back over to (Y/n). “So how about that date, (Y/n)? I’m sure we can find something new wave and current, to do.”

(Y/n) put her face in her hands. “Jaymi, that was a bad one!”

“Not as bad as I have it for you (Y/l/n). So what do you say? Meet me at 7 at the Brewhouse?” Jaymi wasn’t being pushy about it, but his tone made Severus grimace as he fled from the small restaurant, placing some muggle money on the counter top.

Here he was again. Bested by another man. James Potter had married Lily and Harry had been born as a constant reminder of the torture of his youth. At least, at that time, he had (Y/n) to support him and make sure that he didn’t get in too deep with the death eaters or anyone else.

But now, he had alienated her as well and he only had himself to blame. If he hadn’t shouted at her, if he hadn’t kicked her out, they wouldn’t be in this situation.

Snape trudged his way back to his home, and as he sunk into his armchair, the tears that had once filled (Y/n)’s eyes fell from his. He was all alone, again, and he only had himself to blame.

However, if Severus had bothered to stay for a few minutes after, he may not have been feeling as hopeless as he did right now.

“Jaymi, I appreciate your offer, but I’m not in the right headspace for a relationship right now.” (Y/n) closed her laptop and slid it into the case before placing it in her bag.

“I understand, no problem, do you still want to go out to the Brew though? As friends of course. I knew you wouldn’t want to be with me as soon as that emo looking guy came in to get himself some coffee.” Jaymi sipped at his tea before collecting (Y/n)’s cup for washing.

“Jaymi, how did you know that I liked him?” (Y/n) was puzzled as she looked at her friend disappearing behind the counter.

“You should have seen your own face when he spoke. It looked like you were about to cry, scream for joy, and then jump into his arms.” Jaymi smiled. “It’s the exact look I had when I was taking a break from my ex.”

“Oh, that’s interesting. Sev and I have been friends since we were kids. We work together actually.” (Y/n) smiled at Jaymi who returned his own flash of teeth.

“Oh let me guess what he teaches. Art?”

“Nope.”

“Drama?”

“Wrong again Jaymi.”

“English?”

“No Jay. I’ll give you a hint. It’s a science.”

“Physics then. I have yet to meet a non eccentric physicist.” Jaymi said confidently.

“Chemistry, Jaymi. He teaches both lower and higher level chemistry.”

Jaymi smacked himself on the forehead. “Why didn’t I think about that? He totally has a mad scientist vibe! You go get him love!”

(Y/n) gave a smile and left the cafe, bidding Jaymi farewell. Having friends was a complicated enterprise. And being in love was an even more difficult one.

As (Y/n) slipped into her bed that night she had no idea that her brooding crush was doing the same, both of them aching for the same thing, but only one convinced that they could achieve it.

Author’s Note: Thank you for requesting. Please send in more so I can write more please. Yes Jaymi is named that on purpose. If you catch the subliminal tie to Snape’s past you get a cookie from me.

#angst #severus snape x reader #severus snape #severus snape x you #harry potter x reader #Harry Potter #angst with a hopeful ending #fem reader #Reader is female #sad #please request #please reblog

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slyther-bi · 3 years

Note

The first time I heard this song, I thought of Severus... I already have an au/headcanon but I'd love to see your interpretation of the song.

Lemon Boy by Cavetown.

What's with y'all making me cry....I never heard that song before and I loved it, I really did, but my heart. Making me imagine emotional things. Tho this is on me, I asked for this. Still this song made me think of Severus and Lily so here we go.

Like when they were kids Severus would hang around the park that Lily & Petunia would go to cause it was near their home. At some point Lily and Severus catch eachothers eye, Lily waves at him and Severus shyly waves back.

Day after day, Lily and Severus slowly interact until Lily decides to walk up to him.

"Hi, my name's Lily"

*long pause*

"I'm Severus"

The two begin to hang out together and Petunia doesn't really like him but what can she do.

In Lily's school, this is before hogwarts, a few friends she's had question her on her friendship with Severus.

"He's filthy tho, why be friends with him?"

"Because he's kind"

At the age of 11 they both get their Hogwarts letter and are ecstatic to go. Severus spends everyday teaching Lily about the wizarding world from the books his mother owned.

Once they get to Hogwarts, they await to be sorted. Surprisingly both Lily and Severus are placed in Gryffindor.

The Marauders still aren't fond of Severus, they aren't as nasty to him as they would have been should he be placed in slytherin. Lily is able to make new friends but Severus isn't having much luck.

Lily begins to worry about him and helps him gain confidence, she does this by introducing her friends to him.

Of course they had some negative things to say about him but eventually they get use to him given that he's Lily's friend and she won't leave him.

At some point Lily gets feelings for Severus and is left heartbroken after a small argument between them about James & Sirius.

"I thought we were supposed to friends? Best friends"

"We are Sev"

Eventually that heart ache grew when she saw Severus and Mary kiss. Lily always thought her and Sev would end up together and happily live together forever.

Despite the heartache she was happy for him and even tho Severus was now officially dating Mary their friendship never faltered.

Lily ends with someone else (you can decided who) but it's clear that she won't love them as much as she loves Severus.

Years go on and they both graduate side by side, and later on in life they both end up opening a potions shop together. Severus and Lily both get married in the same year.

Severus's wedding with Mary was held in the winter and Lily's wedding was held in the spring.

Tho Lily can't call herself Severus's wife she's still happy to have him by her side. Guess it seems that they truly will be together forever.

"Friends"

"Always"

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gunmetalarchived · 3 years

Text

after the fight with @consultingsister ft. @diabolicaltendencies @epiitaphs @theasteriae

SEVERIN After the X-rays, and making sure his brother finally got seen to, Severin hadn’t known what to do with himself. With his misplaced anger and grief. Whilst he was busy, it had been easy to ignore. He had a job to do, and as director of the Hospital, he had to handle the situation. Avoiding Sam had been easy, with the man so distracted by every other player in the over-dramatic series of events. The problem came after the work day ended. And he had stoped to asses the worst of the damages. Something on his chest didn’t feel right. He hadn’t peeled back his shirt to have a proper look yet. There were scars covering black eye that looked a little impressive by now. Sebastian as going to be stuck in overnight, and Severin wasn’t sure they could even have a real conversation about what had happened if he wanted to. He left the hospital to stop the awkward questions, dodging the gossip as he walked home to his small flat south of the river. But his feet didn’t take him there. He followed the rhythm of step after step, numbly heading out across the city. He moved through the funeral numb. He moved through Jasper’s recovery numb. In all honestly, he couldn’t even remember the last time he had said her name. Had he been avoiding using it? On some subconscious level, that had to be a piece of it. Since the phone call, he had to keep running at a hundred miles an hour, breaking his neck to save the next person who needed him. It couldn’t happen again. The number of the building wasn’t even on the outside, this place was so fancy. He was almost stopped by the doorman, probably based on the dishevelled state he was wandering around in. Severin headed for the stars in order to avoid his questions too.

Royally fucking up didn’t even cover it. He was going to be fired, or suspended. He could live with either of those but lashing out at his wounded cousin who clearly wasn’t in a fit mental state to know the impact of his actions? It ate him alive from the inside. He felt the hot tears welling in his eyes, even as he tried to push them away and figure out which door was hers. He should go. The door opened before he could knock, almost certainly the worried doorman had called up. ‘ I-“ The lump in his throat stopped him immediately, the sight of her both taking his breath away and landing another blow. In all the chaos, it had completely slipped his mind. He was supposed to meet her at the pub by UCL four hours ago. He was fucked that up too. “ I-“ He tried again, his voice cracking this time as he couldn’t keep up his fight. A few tears began rolling down his cheeks, trying to regain control of the situation. “I’m sorry.”

CEE She wasn’t mad at him. This is how their lives were. Cee had even been prepared, bringing along her iPad and a book. In the two hours she waited she’d had three glasses of wine and got all her emails done. She had also finished the book she started over a month ago. It was even a little nice. Sure, dinner with Sev would have been nicer but it was like she was on a date with herself; something she hadn’t done in a couple years. Eventually, she had phoned. The haven’t you heard reply when she asked where they thought Sev might be didn’t worry her. It wasn’t the hasn’t someone told you that nurses give when a family member is in a coma and no one thought to call the brother. It was gossip. A tone of delight. If she was honest, she didn’t believe the receptionist. Alright, she fully believed that Sebastian and Sebastian had a punch up outside but thought there was some miscommunication. It tended to happen. Hospital chinese whispers. Severin had been there when it started, maybe got hit in a crossfire but he didn’t actually throw a punch. But the story seemed to have been verified by an eyewitness on her cigarette break and Tonya was dating on of the security guys so it seemed to be all true. Sev had been fighting. On her slow walk home, she half convinced herself that this was some sort of odd reaction to them getting back together. Sev taking out anxiety about commitment sort of thing. But by the time she had gotten home, she had decided to stop thinking so selfishly and order enough chinese for two and put on Some Like It Hot. Not a film you can stay annoyed while watching. The call from the lobby didn’t surprise her. She fixed her hair to make sure he would feel truly bad about it all and then met him at the door. Only he didn’t look like he could feel much worse. “Come here,” she coos, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as she hugs him, still in the hall. “What have you been doing to yourself, you idiot.”

SEVERIN He hardly beloved what had happened, and it was his own fist that had made contact with Sebastian Morans jaw. The second he felt the arms of her embrace, his body wracked with hot and heavy sobs. He didn’t cry like this. Even through the worst of loosing their child. He held strong for Cee and mourned for what could have been, but he hadn’t been through it alone. He could sleep at night knowing they had both given it all they could, and sometimes it just wasn’t meant to be. As their relationship started to fall into pieces around them, he could console himself that the time they had shared was worth every heartbreak. In private, he’d shed a tear. But his chest aches, not from the black and blue bruising that was starting to pull to the surface but with what he had let himself become. He didn’t recognise this person. Angry, tired and selfish. “I-“ He tried to talk but he wasn’t in a fit state to say much. Her kindness was making it all worse. He didn’t deserve it. “I fucked up. I’m sorry, I’m just so sorry.” What was he sorry for? All of it. Loosing her, moving away, pulling her back in, hurting his family... it was all his fault.

CEE Ask Cee and she will tell you that she doesn’t like men who cry. If they can articulate their emotions from time to time, she was happy. But Sev was pretty much always the exception from the rule. He was the nice guy who treated her right, a break between all the guys who fucked her over for their own amusement. He was a genuinely good person, the sort of person who made her look pretty evil in comparison. Her grip was tighter shoulders his shoulders and she turned her head to kiss his neck, whispering into his ear. “Shh, stop it, you don’t need to be sorry, come on, get inside.” The doctor pulls back but doesn’t let go of him, gently pulling him inside and then closing the door behind him. “Here, look,” she picks up a box of tissues and points towards the sofa. “Go, sit, I’ll get you something to drink and something to eat and you can tell me what the hell happened today.” She didn’t wait around to guide him to a seat, instead going to collect two crystal glasses, a whiskey bottle and left over take out. Cecelia’s home didn’t have a lived in feel and yet it was very Cee. There were pictures, mostly ones Mary had insisted on putting up, even one of Sev somewhere but the style was modern, almost clinical. Admittedly, between being at work and staying with friends, she didn’t spend much time at home. “Take this,” she ordered him about like a patient taking medicine. The whiskey was a smooth gold; only the very best. “What the fuck, Sev?”

SEVERIN Her grip hurt, but he hardly noticed. He was making so much of a fuss in the hall, he was an idiot. He should go, work this out and pick it all away where it wouldn’t hurt him anymore. The problem was that he let hisself be lead over the threshold of her door, into her home. He tried to wipe the worst of the saltwater onto his filthy cuffs, covered jn died blood and gravel mostly. He hadn’t really changed once his sprint from the car, too distracted by everyone around him. Putting himself last until he didn’t have a choice anymore. He moved to perch nervously on the edge of the sofa, ignoring the tissues as his eyes darted nervously around the room. His vision was too blurred to take in his surroundings clearly, his tired eyes puffy from both the blow to his face and the tears. He was too tried to argue against orders, and took the whisky to awkwardly drum his fingers against. His breath were still deep as he fought to stay calm. “I lost it. I don’t even know what I was thinking- I-I wasn’t thinking I just... I couldn’t stop it, even if I wanted to it’s-“ His mind jumped around from reasons to excuse without letting him bridge the gap between the two. He carried on trying to pull steady breaths through his nose and out his mouth, only pausing to take a sip from his glass. “He didn’t mean it- I know he didn’t. But he said that stupid thing about the crash and I couldn’t stop.”

CEE The crash. A delicate subject and somewhat unwalked territory for Sev and Celia. Cee had visited Jasper in hospital now long after, word of mouth had got back to her. She shifted somewhat uncomfortably, her knees pressing against his as she turned to face him. She kept her own whiskey clasped between two hands. “Who did... Bash?” Cee knew the three key-players in today’s little drama and doubted Seb would bring up the crash, let alone saying something stupid about it. “Listen... I’m not saying violence is the answer here but I feel like Bash deserves a punch to the face now and again. Hell, even I have thumped his arm for comments about my skirt length.” She tried to inject some humour into the moments but she could feel it falling flat before it even left her mouth. She changed track and instead reached out to take one of his arms. “Losing it every once in a while is... that’s okay. What did, what did he say?”

SEVERIN He could barely even look at her. He brought the glass to his lips again, still trying desperately to count his breaths. In for 7. Out for 11. Just like every panicking patient he had treated. Maybe he would be able to stop the pounding of his heart and how it seemed to hammer away in his eardrums like crazy. Finally, after what left like a lifetime but was probably closer to thirty seconds, he gave a curt nod. It had to be the polarisation of what he was feeling and what she was saying, but he couldn’t help but laugh at her comment even in his state. “Wouldn’t recommend it, honestly.” Partly due to his reaction, partly due to the swelling in his fingers that didn’t want to go down. Her touch was more welcome than she could know. And yet he dodged her question entirely, possibly not even aware he was doing so. “I’m sorry. I meant to be there tonight, I really did and I show up all... I don’t know.”

CEE She herself gives a shrug, as if it was nothing. “Would we really be top quality doctors if we didn’t forget about our personal lives?” Another joke, another smile, she can’t help herself. She spends her days with panicking mother’s and new-dad’s pretending they’re big strong men when in reality, they just need a strong coffee and a hug. You adopt a only semi-serious demeanour after that. Everything is fine, everything is okay, even when it’s not. Without really thinking, she leans forward so her forehead is almost touching the side of his head and hen flicks up her nose. It’s a vintage move of hers, she used to do it on Sunday mornings. It was a hey and a what are you thinking all in one, without really asking. It felt right but her stomach squeezed uncomfortably as if she had done the wrong thing. Passionate sex I his office is one thing but this is real intimacy. “I don’t want you to be sorry, I want you to be okay.”

SEVERIN Cecelia was right. She was always right. They hadn’t always shared a love of career and each other, he understood completely when he had to take a back seat to her ambition. He would never, and could never resent her for that. In fact, it was one of the reasons he adored her. Her drive, her comparative nature, it kept Severin on his toes. He wanted to be a better person to be with her. And yet he’d let himself down. The gentle press against his forehead was like a leap back in time, enough to make him fight tears all over again. Trying to love as little as possible, he set his glass down and reached for her waist, as if to pull her into his lap. Any distance between them was too far. It had been pent up frustration that pulled them together again, the issue was that this was something real. Tangible familiarity so bitter sweet it could hurt. He shook his head against hers a little, his brow furrowing. “I’m not sure if I can tell you that.” He had to do it. He had to say her bloody name. Just once. “He said if he’d been there, maybe Alex and the baby, they’d...” he couldn’t finish that sentence any more than his cousin had. Because the worst part was, he could have been right. “I should have been there. I should have been here.”

CEE She gives a sigh of frustration, maybe even annoyance, tinged with amusement. “That Basher Moran is really something else.” She thought she knew his type. She chose medicine because it was prestigious, rewarding, exciting! He chose medicine, for lack of a better word, because he liked being the guy who swooped in and saved the day. “Superman wannabe...” she snorted, finishing her thought out loud. Cee followed Sev’s lead, lifting one leg over his and straddling him with both knees by his side. This was an excellent manhadinging position. Easy to grab his jaw, make him look into her eyes and hear what an idiot he was being for still feeling this way. She didn’t though. Instead, she pushes his hair back, over and over, almost absent mindedly. “You weren’t though,” she says, simply. “And we don’t have the ability to see into the alternative universe that you were. For all you know, it could have been ten times worse.” Her hand drops, as do her eyes. This time, she does pull up his chin. “Are you going to spend the rest of your life wishing you change the past and... miss changing the future? That’s your life plan, Sev? That’s fucking rubbish.”21 October 2020

SEVERIN A smile graced his face again, glad to have her in his arms. Glad to have someone who could cut through the mess inside of his busy head. Severin had never been much good at battling his own thoughts, he acted first and just had to live with the consequences. Every part of him was as reckless as his late sister, and his older brother. If a little less openly self destructive. With her fingers taking softly though his hair, he started to focus on her eyes. He blinked once, twice, as Cee questioned him directly. For all her sympathy, he hadn’t expected it. Lulled into a false sense of security, this was what she probably planned all along. “But I should have been.” He couldn’t let it go. Not when he saw the effect ricochet across his life. He shook his head again, small and unsure in the face of her confrontation. His life plan had gone out of the window the second she hadn’t been there- mainly because his entire plan had consisted of following her to the end of the earth. “I’m trying. I’m here. I came back. But what use am I starting fights instead of preventing them? He’s... he’s not well and I was treating him, Cee.”

CEE Cee can’t say she doesn’t understand. On bad nights, after losing a patient, or sometimes when a patient gets to walk out of the hospital with their new bundle of joy, Celia replays the hours and days before losing their baby. An odd pain there, a sip of wine she was told not to have, a m moment that she knew something wasn’t quite right and yet did nothing. What if she had done something. What if, what if. And then it’s 5am and she is putting her own life, and her patience life, in danger because she hasn’t slept with thirty-six hours. She walked around the halls like a zombie, fretting over something she could never actually change. “Before you came back, Sherlock came in to hospital. Massive OD, still says it was an accident. It was... touch and go for a couple hours. Actually, it was some sor to miracle he came through it. And the first thing I did when he wake up... was hit him. He made some stupid comment about heaven being more clinical than he imagined and I lost it wit him. I think I pulled out of one his tubes, a nurse had to pull me off of him.” Her eyes gleam with unshed tears and yet she smiles like she’s recalling a funny memory; it was funny. After all that, they brought him back just so Cee could kill him.

“My point is,” she clears her throat, “I spend my whole day being calm, level headed and professional. Cold, even. I am with mothers... with parents at the very beginning of their magical journey and they usually come to me when it’s all going wrong. However, it is not my job to b calm, level headed and professional when it’s my brother. When it’s someone I love. That’s why there are rules, that’s why we don’t treat family. Because... if you had been there, if Bash had been there, you would not have been calm. He would not have been calm. He might have even lost Jasper too. So thank fuck you weren’t there. Thank god, it was calm, level headed, professional doctors, doing their best work to save your little brother. But we don’t save them all Sev, you know that as well as I do. We can’t save everyone.”

SEVERIN It was putting too much out there to admit the last time he had a solid nights sleep in his own bed had been the last night they spent together before it fell apart. He often found himself int he on call room, or hidden on the couch in Sams office, even with his flat less than a twenty minute run away. He might go home and change, although he was far more likely to shower at the office and just find yet another clean pair of scrubs to cover up the fact he was burning the candle at both ends. Abroad there was always an excuse to keep going a little longer, although with an extremely qualified staff, he had no excuses now. Severin listened intently, pushing the stray hairs off of her cheek and letting his hand linger there. He didn’t know. It wasn’t like her brothers spoke to him anymore. Sherlock had always been... tricky. “Sounds like he had it coming, giving you a scare like that.” He pushed against her forehead, closing his eyes to mimic her gesture with his nose. God, it was like they were teenagers again. Her scent, her touch, it was grounding. “You’re right. You always are, it just doesn’t stop...” He couldn’t save everyone. He let the silence had for a moment before he carried on. “I miss her.” He had to learn to process his grief, and not let it explode out of him. Especially with Bash in such a fragile state. “I don’t think I’ve been in a fight with Seb since... I’m actually not sure I’ve been in a fight? Does the scuffle outside the Cock Inn count?”

CEE “Nah, everyone scuffles outside the Cock Inn,” she waved her hand as if she was waving away the very idea. It’s been such a long time since someone touched her like this but with Sev, it was like falling back into an old routine. Her leg goes there, his hand goes there. They slid into a position every time. Two halves creating a whole. It throws her off to hear Sev even alluding to the existence of Alex. For the most part, she avoided bringing up the subject of family, for either of them. Things were never less complicated just because you loved them. “Do you remember that time I let her do my hair? And she held the straighteners in too long and it burnt? My first ever bob.” She talks like this was some fond memory, which it was now, although at the time it was pretty traumatic. Celia had had long flowing hair since she was twelve; having to suddenly cut it too her shoulders had been horrible. “What do you miss the most about her?”

SEVERIN “That was your fault, you saw her hair and thought of course this girl knows what she’s doing. Yeah right. I thought you looked pretty sexy with a bob, if that matters.” It shouldn’t matter, he was very much a biased opinion. The corners of his mouth lifted in an soft smirk, his body growing still now he was comfortable enough to just breathe in sink with her. Calm. At peace. He closed his eyes, they tightened a little as he tried to remember the bitter parts of his difficult relationship with his younger sister. Not that Alex had an easy relationship with well... anyone. “It sound mad, but the rows she used to have. That house is just- it’s eerie now.” He hadn’t been back since the Christmas after the funeral, always finding an excuse to avoid being in his childhood home. It was hard to see the place in a state of cold absence. With a heavy breath, he found something brighter to hold onto. “She used to sit up on the roof with Seb and I, just blaring records and smoking where mum couldn’t complain. She knew all the words to every one, she thought it was Seb who had the half decent taste. No idea that mans totally tone deaf. They were all mine- well, one or two stolen from dad but she found them his side of the room and just assumed...” He had never once corrected her. He couldn’t take that away, that adoration for their oldest brother who was her hero. He was fine with it really, as long as he got to share the summer evenings on the roof in the fading daylight. “When you were pregnant, she appointed herself the baby’s music teacher. She was going to make sure that kid had ‘style’ apparently.”

CEE “I’d never had the chance to be a big sister before, it was exciting!” She gives a whine that becomes a laugh. Cee had never had a want to be a big sister until she met Alex. Jasper was easy, over eager kid who appreciated anyone who treated him like a person, not a baby. Alex had to be talked into liking Cee. “I had to prove to her that I wasn’t just another nerd for her brother’s class. I had style, I was cool. Right up until I got pregnant... suddenly, mum, no style.” She laughs again but can’t quiet keep it up. The baby for Cee is much like Alex for Sev. An open wound, better not to prod at it too much. “She... I think she was the only person who didn’t treat me like glass after, you know? I don’t know, I was so ashamed to see your family after, like-- like I’d fucked it all up and everyone was so nice. I couldn’t-- well she still treated me like I was me. Asked if she was still her it’s godmother anyway.” It was hard to place herself in Sev’s position; losing a younger sibling. She is Alex in her family. Two doting older brothers. She knows that Mycroft feels a certain levl of responsibility for his younger brothers that Celia doesn’t. Myc had always been a grown up, no need to baby him. “What do you think she would be doing now? In some sort of rock band?”

SEVERIN Alex Moran had always had a mind of her own. Screaming until she was called Petya, biting teachers, breaking every rule she had been set and then some. No one, with the occasional exception of Seb who she had a special soft spot for, would be cool enough. Cool for her was not caring at all. She was effortless in her style and her rebellion, a born hellraiser. The more his kind lingered, the more he ached to see her again. He wasn’t going to break the illusion that Cee had of her, because in all truth Alex probably didn’t know how to treat someone like glass. “Cheeky fucker.” Severin shook his head a little, knowing he’d missed the toughest year with her. “Hmmmm, maybe. She talked about joining the army, even though mum was dead set against it. Even started to dry out a bit.” One of the last nights he had as holding her hair back, watching the absolute state she had worked herself into with bloodied fists on the edge of alcohol poisoning. “I don’t think sitting still was ever an option.”

CEE “I can only assume your mother telling her no would push her towards it.” Celia had never known a real parental-child relationship until she came into the Moran family. They seem to all take up their parts in a play; Sev the golden boy, Alex the daughter who couldn’t help but hate her mother. It was hard to imagine Celia ever fighting with Violet. If she went by what Mycroft said about their mother, Violet had never shouted in her entire life. Cee didn’t remember her father raising her voice that often either; he never needed to. “You know, I was half terrified we could have an Alex. Loved her to bits, obviously--” Cee smirks again. “But she kinda of scared me.”

SEVERIN “Absolutely. If mum had said yes, I bet she would have stayed at school out of spite.” He felt her breath on his face and lent forwards just enough to press a kiss to her cheek. But then he blinked. And blinked again just to be sure. “Have?” It was probably a drunken slip of the tongue, almost nothing. The issue was that nothing could be the ticket to exactly what he dreamed of. “I don’t blame you, she was terrifying. I don’t envy dad. But then imagine if we had a tiny know it all like you, well, I’m not sure I’d stand a chance.”

CEE Her smile is starting to get weaker. Her laugh sounds more like a sigh. Cee was never sure if she really regretted the miscarriage. That’s what made it worse. She half convinced herself that she had sent bad vibes to the baby. Not she told Sev this. She didn’t tell Sev very much after that. At least she knew she regretted that. It just felt as if she had given too much to him, let him get too close, allowed herself to be swayed from the goal. How was a baby going to help her make chief-of-surgery by thirty-five? Things had shifted in her mind since then; she had time to grow up a little bit. But she couldn’t say she had ever really dealt with that trauma, just learned to live with it. Forced herself to face it everyday and usually beat it. Saved mothers, healthy babies; everything she couldn’t have for herself she tried to give. “Do you think we would have actually made it? Young, dumb medical students with a baby. Happily married with dreams jobs? I just don’t-- didn’t see that. I think I would have resented you. And baby. I think-- I would have ruined it some other way. You would be a cute single dad though, all the nurses would fancy you. Proper superman. With the bitch of an ex-wife.”

SEVERIN Bringing it up was a stupid move, he should have left it. Except despite her fallen face, she didn't brush him off or freeze him out. There was room here to try and discuss the topic like adults, so long as he didn't push too firm. He pulled away just enough to get a better look at her face, not kissing Cee again simply to give her the chance to speak if she wanted to. "The job was your dream, you wanted it. It isn't mine. It's a means to an end." He could be changing plasters as a nurse in a primary school for all he really cared. He didn't need the title, or the accolades. If anything, they made it worse. Earning the approval of the board meant he was putting politics before patients, and that couldn't sit right with him. He didn't fault her for being ambitious, in fact he adored it about her. But she had to understand that this wasn't the be all and end all. He would sacrifice it in seconds, and already had more than once today with his stupid choices. Her comment about divorce aught him off guard. If she saw it ending in flames then... "Do you want to do this? A second go, I mean? I'm not... if you don't see it, why give me the chance?"

CEE Cee doesn’t ever remember having a conversation with her family about work v. home life. Morland worked twenty-four hours a day but it was more out of necessity than choice. And he never pitied his wife for wanting to spend all her days with her children. Someone have said Morland’s worldview had some sexist undertones but he raised his children all the same and Celia doubted he would have raised an eyebrow if Mycroft suddenly stepped down from his senior position to raise kids. Although, it would be very odd. But she knew, through his mask of delight, that Morland was disappointed when Celia got pregnant. That she was cutting her abilities short. Raising children is a fine pursuit, he might have said, but compared to medicine? Even she, who was witness to the magic of childbirth and parenthood every other day couldn’t compare the two. “No-- I mean then. I mean-- when we were kids pretending we weren’t. I had my mind on one thing and one thing only back then. That’s not-- I mean it’s still a little true but only because I don’t have anything else. If there was someone else...” she presses her lips together, then leans in to bump her nose against his. “I missed you. I never stopped missing you but I’d glad I had that time to grow by myself. I don’t think I was a very nice person when we broke up.”

SEVERIN Cecelia had every right to think they were children, pretending. The problem lay in that this man, this shadow of his former self, it was more of a mask than the happy father to be. The Severin of seven or eight years ago was effortless, probably a little naive but it was easier to smile. Easier to trust people. Far easier to sleep at night. A hum escaped his lips. “Hey- hey you’ve got me. You always have me.” And she would. “Whatever this ends up like... you’re stuck with me now.” In all truth, she wasn’t a nice person when they broke up. Whether that was intentional or not, he had been playing along like they might be able to fix things far longer than a sane man should have. From where he stood now though, he could only see it with rose tinted glasses. “I don’t regret any of it. I’d say I’d do it again in a heartbeat but I’m already here.” He pulled away, checking the time on his watch with a heavy sigh. “I should check in with Sam. Or downstairs. Sebs on observation overnight, he’ll need a change and a toothbrush or something..” He is noted the deeply purple finger on his hand, and the aches from beneath his shirt that still went unchecked. The near thirty hours without sleep was evident on his face, and yet his work was never finished.

CEE “That’s a lot of commitment for a first date.” Her grin suggested she didn’t mind. There was no taking it slow for them; it had been a ten year wait, filling time really. Her eyes followed his to his watch but she whined, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling his head into his chest. “Don’t go. I can call Sam, I won’t get drawn into it. You can stay here and I can help with your face.” The doctor pulled back to inspect, holding onto his chin and tilting his head to either side, with a little more force than she would with one of her real patience. “You know... you kind of suit a black eye. Kinda sexy.”

SEVERIN “Good thing I’m not worried about scaring you off” There wasn’t going to be an in between for them. It just wasn’t an option. Even when it came to sex, they knew each other too well just to stop at the physical. Even the failed attempt at dancing around the point was stupid, in hindsight. He winced, but pressed against her anyways. God, we wanted to say yes. “Maybe. I think it’s safe to say this isn’t going to go away quietly.” His mind related backed to his friends crushed, confused face. Yet another thing to feel bad for. He always gave Sam the benefit of the doubt, it was why he needed him as the second opinion. He had acted so coldly that even Moira would be proud of him. He didn’t fight as he was examined, drawing a breath through his teeth. “Don’t get used to it, I’ve learnt my lesson. I’m getting extra security guards whenever Bash is on duty.”

CEE “I don’t scare off easy,” she nods. After one last kiss to the forehead, she steps off of him, her long giraffe legs moving with improbable grace. There is a joke around the hospital that Celia is 90% legs and it was a mystery as to how her legs held up her brain. And her ego but no one said that to her face. “Listen, take a breath, take a drink. I’ll call Sam and get an update, and then check the nurse group chat and get a real update.” Maybe ask Mary too, for a woman who pretend to be above it all she always knows everything. She moves back into the kitchen and returns with her phone in one hand an ice pack in the other. “Knuckles or eyes first? I think I’d go for the eye.”

SEVERIN The second she had left his lap, Severin leant forwards to grab his glass and take a sip from his drink again. He tried to stretch the swollen fingers, the purple one looked the worst but nothing felt broken. He very much wasn’t in the mood to fight anymore. “You shouldn’t tell him I’m here.” It was too long winded to get into, and realistically the American was going to put the pieces together himself. But give Sams very valid opinion that Severin couldn’t be objective around his... (ex? That didn’t sound right?) around her, it wasn’t the best idea to give him grounds for concern. “Oh god, the nurses know?” Of course they did, but the reality that it had hit the level of the nurses group chat made his stomach sink. And, it reminded him why he had been pulled up in front of the board in the first place. The fact no one was getting a raise this year was going to play wonderfully in their eyes. “How about neither, and we just let the ground swallow me while instead?”

CEE “That’s who I heard it from like two hours ago; the nurses know everything.” She handed over the ice pack and placed the phone to her ear, sitting on top of Sev again. “Why, are we a secret?” She covered the receiver as she spoke but the call rung out to voicemail anyway. “If we’re going to sneak around, you’ll have to let me know, because I’ll have to redo my whole wardrobe to accommodate-- not single but trying to look single, ease of getting in and out of and heel height for kisses.” Cee placed the phone back to her ear as it began ringing again and on the fourth ring, an American voice greeted her less than enthusiastically. “Hey you,” she used her sing-song voice, over twenty years of getting daddy to give her what she wanted, made men melt. “What’s the gossip? Heard there was a punch up?” It takes ten minutes of lectures about gossiping and how it’s a serious matter before Cee decides she should have just checked the group chat. She even gets off Sev, starts to pace. At one point she looks Sev directly in and the eye and says, “Sev? No, I haven’t seen him.” It’s so horribly obvious. Eventually, she hangs up with a disgruntled huff. “He hates me. He hates me more now you go all doe-eyed around me.”

SEVERIN "They may as well lead with it on the evening news." He took the ice pack, moaning a little as he pressed it to his face with his bad hand. May as well do both at the same time. He shuffled to let her get comfy, until her conversation pulled her away. He cracked a smile at her voice though, he'd heard that tone before. Usually when she needed to know which set of notes he'd borrowed or if he was planning on going to the library tomorrow. She still scrunched her nose the same way, even if her age wore it well. They weren't sneaking around as such just... letting it develop without an audience. Everyone already knew more than they should, it would take the pressure off to give them some time to figure things out. Not that they seemed to need it, it was an old routine. He had finished his glass by the time her phone call finished, watching her pace with nervous energy. The second the line went dead, he had to know. "Is Bash alright? Does he need anything? Should I go over there? I can be there in, well..." He flicked his wrist to see his watch again, a nervous habit. He cried out a little, forgetting about the swelling in his hand.

CEE She opens her mouth to say everything is fine, mostly but then changes tact and instead, gives a small gasp of terror. “No, everything is awful! Seb and Bash started fighting again and somehow the brawl moved into one of the upstairs toilets. They smashed up the sinks and water was going everywhere. The bottom two floors of the hospital are now flooded; patients are floating along corridors and Sam said it was reminiscent of scenes from the Titanic.” She takes her first deep breath, keeping up the panicked look, and continues. “Sam said he lost Bash and Seb for a while, but, still locked in a wrestling match, they made thier way down four flights of stairs because Seb demanded they go to WHS in search of a toothbrush. Meanwhile, somehow, on the fourth floor, a fire has started. It spread through to where we keep the oxygen tanks and the whole hospital exploded. Luckily, the flooding sort of... stopped the explosion though... and... okay, I’m out of imagined chaos.

Yes, everything is fine. Seb is a big boy. Bash is... being looked after. Sam has a handle on it all. Sue from accounting slept with the porter Chris, which honestly, after her divorce; totally valid.” She reaches up to take over icing his eye. “Until a phone rings, or my pager goes, the hospital does not exist. It’s just me... and you...” she kneels on the floor in front of him and for, she realises then, the first time that night, she leans up to kiss him. Slow and deep, like a first kiss. “You have to chill.”

SEVERIN Instantly, he was on his feet. Even now, he fell for her tricks- hook line and sinker. He was so easy to mess with, and far too transparent for his own good. Only as her hysterics hit the Titanic did he catch on, rolling his eyes at her stream of events. It wasn't far off reality. As their lips met, he stopped caring about anything outside of these four walls. The city of London could burn down and he wouldn't notice, dying a very happy man indeed. He kissed her back, sliding off the sofa very smoothly for someone who was supposed to be in pain. "I can chill. Need me to prove it?"

CEE “Why do I feel like your proof for chilling isn’t very chill at all?” It felt like they were back in university again when he kissed her; she was being pulled away from stacks of notes with kisses and seductive whispers. Take an hour off, just sixty minutes. Somehow, the hour always became two and two, more than often, because three. It was something of a miracle that they didn’t get pregnant sooner. “Oh,” she giggled against his lips, pushing him back into the sofa to move on top of him again. “I have a great idea. We one up the fighting rumours and say you got a black eye from trying out to somer super exotic sex position. That would travel way quicker around the hospital than a stupid fight.”

SEVERIN “Whatever do you mean...” He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her exactly where she settled. He stopped kissing her, only to trail yet more kisses down onto her neck and her collar. They hadn’t got the date they expected, but it looked like she was in the mood for him to stay the night anyway. He was practiced at being the perfect distraction after all. “Right. Subtle, I like it.” She had more than enough fun circling rumours about his entire extended family. “I think the witnesses to the other event might have something to say about it but sure, why the hell not.”

CEE "There is nothing subtle about me baby." Her hands move from unbuttoning his shirt to pulling the zip down at the back of her dress; restless, a little too urgent. She never felt embarrassed with him, or like she was stepping over the mark. Even as they danced around each other for the past six months; they made a good team in and out of the bedroom. "Wait, wait," she gives a annoyed little groan. "Stop, I want this to be-- our second first time was on your office floor. At least let me light some candles in the bedroom or something. We're not... horny teenagers anymore, we should be having sex like adults. With some prep."23 October 2020

SEVERIN “You can say that again.” He grinned from ear to ear, total putty in her hands as she undressed him. He tried to help with the zip, even if it was a little awkward. When she stopped to whine, he paused too. Had he done something wrong? No, she was finding all new objections. “What are you talking about? Sex?” He played it confused, furrowing his brows almost comically. “I though we were going to get into some pyjamas and have a nap- seeing as you wanted chill.” He didn’t care about candles, or ambience. She was the only important part of that whole equation. “Speak for yourself, I think I could still pass for a first year without the stubble.”

CEE She seemed to struggle between having some semblance of being mature adults and-- well, getting laid. In that one respect, she had not grown up and had no real intention of it. While she hadn’t pursued many, if any, serious romantic relationships since the demise of theirs, she couldn’t say the same about more casual pursuits. It was the most fun way to burn calories after all. “Alright, fine, we can have fun, spontaneous living room sex until we are-- all official and holding hands in public. From then on in, it’s only boring missionary sex with lights off in the bedroom. Like adults.”

SEVERIN “Hey,” He leant back into the sofa, pulling away to get a good look at her. “If you want special then let’s do it. It’s not- I don’t want to hide anything. It’s not that at all.” He knew the weight of expectation, and the fallout that falling apart would mean now he was technically her boss. “It’s more giving this a shot without work politics, without your family or mine. Just us. And I don’t think I can agree to that- nothing about you will ever be boring.”

CEE Cee ran her hand through his hair, nodding along. To be with him, without expectation, might be nice. Not to be in the nurse group chat everything other day because she met eyes with Sev or they seemed to have had a spat in the third floor ward. “Just us,” she repeats, as if she’s agreeing to a contract. Cee wrapped her arms around his neck. “Take me to the bedroom, and it will be just us.”

SEVERIN He was practically purring at her hands in his hair. Being without this, without her, that was torture. He didn’t even realise how hard that was until now. He had been functioning almost entirely on empty, or just adrenaline. But now it could be them, just them, again. “Nice to know you’re still as demanding as always.” He wrapped one arm around her waist, using the good hand to push against the sofa and get the pair of them two their feet. “You’re going to have to give me directions, remember?”

CEE She is dangerously close to getting lost in his smile. “Oh, shoot. Um--” she glances around as if she has forgotten. “Right to the end of the hall and then to your right. Left! You know at least two of the other doors also have beds so you can’t go too wrong. If you trip over shoes, that’s a closest.” She doesn’t say one of many. When she bought the place the realtor asked if she had any children, hence the six bedroom. No, she had replied, I just have a lot of Dior.

#discord thread 006 | after the fight #( S. M. | v: angsters anatomy )#miscarrige tw #injury tw #death tw #consultingsister

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