Please know that although we did not end up together in the end, I will always be grateful for having met you, because despite the fact that you broke my heart to walk this path you set me on. I see now that I am not lost like I thought I was in the beginning… Everyday that passes I am realizing that these were not wasted years or wasted tears. It is all part of a journey to find the person I was always meant to be. I was never lost . I was simply coming home . Perhaps not to you like I always dreamed of , but to my real self instead..
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Chasing Happiness- Ch. 5
Phoebe quickly pushed her emotions from the stark news away as she remembered that Collins was, hopefully, still waiting for her outside. She changed into something more… comfortable, texted Collins to come in through her window and to be very quiet, and briefly admired herself in the mirror.
The window slyly slid open and Collins stealthily climbed in, making minimal noise. She greeted him with a smile and an embrace, then they both laid on the bed.
“Are you okay?” Collins whispered.
He hadn’t necessarily noticed that anything was wrong when he came in. He just always asked her if she was alright. But her subtle smile dropped for a moment and he noticed it.
“I’m good.” She whispered back.
“No you’re not.” Collins sat up and forced her to look him in the face, “Talk to me.”
He seemed very stern about it to Phoebe, so she scooted closer and put his head in her lap to play with his hair.
His eyes were focused completely on her and she immediately melted looking at them.
“My mom is pregnant.”
His eyes widened. He knew her Dad hadn’t been gone longer than 8 months, maybe. He kept his judge-mental comments to himself though. She didn’t need a reason to get more upset. He didn’t get a chance to respond, though, before Phoebe dove into a slight monologue.
“I can’t believe she’s been f*cking someone and my dad’s only been dead, like, 5 minutes! I get that she may have needs, but why did her need for the male reproductive organ trump all need to have safe enough sex to not get pregnant? Was I supposed to be… jovial about it? Over the moon? Down on my knees kissing her growing tummy with my soon to be half-brother just floating obliviously in there?
I mean, how dare I have a less than satisfactory reaction to my world changing… again! And I have to worry about getting into college and finding an apartment- because I am not staying here to play pretend-dad if the actual dad, whoever he is, decides he doesn’t want to be involved. I refuse! And work has been killing me, I’m so tired of having to get up so early every morning. And I barely get time to see you outside of school because we’re both so busy and I know you have stuff going on and I feel horrible for not checking in on you more. And all my friends too… “
Collins watched in amazement at how she was quiet, but still so animated. She was, of course, rambling as she does and he realized he couldn’t be more in love with the girl in front of him.
He reached up to meet her lips and stopped her in the middle of her sentence. Not because he didn’t care to listen to her, but because she was going to overwhelm herself with her anxiety if he didn’t intervene.
Phoebe needed it, indeed. She instantly sunk into his kiss and they managed to lay back on the bed parallel to each other. Phoebe relished in his warmth and his love.
Things got increasingly hot and heavy as Collins hands slid south. Phoebe hummed a moan against his lips and quickly asked herself is she wanted to continue. She knew Collins wasn’t a virgin, but she certainly was. And her mother was in a room just down the hall, could walk in at any moment.
Oh, but it feels so good, she thought to herself. And she also thought about how much she loved him. Why else did I invite him in?, she thought. She definitely wanted to do it. She felt the timing was right. And so she pulled away from him. He looked at her, curious to her reason for stopping.
She put a finger tenderly to his lips, a silent reminder that they needed to be very quiet.
His face changed, showing amusement when he understood the moments that were about to unfold. He only nodded while pulling her face back in for a kiss- this time harder and much more passionate.
Soon clothes went flying, accumulating silent thumps, and the air shifted into thickness as their passion intensified. Phoebe had never felt so close to anyone. Collins felt grateful to had met such a wonderful person, it was hard work to keep the noise level at zero. They both felt the same exact love for each other.
Afterwards, Phoebe eventually fell asleep under the embrace of her lover. Collins reached for his phone to check the time. He had no idea how much time had passed, but no matter what it was it felt too short. It was minutes to one in the morning. He was 2 hours out past curfew. His mom was going to kill him.
With a gentle kiss on his girlfriend’s forehead, Collins managed to not wake her as he went out the way he came in.
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How To Stop Chasing Happiness: How the Practice of Mindfulness Can Help Stop Overthinking
Are you tired of constantly chasing happiness? Do your thoughts often spiral into a never-ending loop of overthinking? If you answered yes, then you’re not alone. Many of us find ourselves desperately seeking happiness and grappling with an overactive mind. But what if I told you there was a way to break free from this cycle?
The Pursuit of Happiness and its Challenges
Happiness has become an…
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