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eligaxy · 3 years

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Wind

☆ℜ𝔢𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔭 : Venti x gn!Reader

☆𝔚𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 : near death experience, you’re confused asf about everything, bad writing cause i suck, spoilers for the we will be reunited quest!! And also for venti’s backstory, venti is serious for once (yes it’s a legitimate warning🤚)

☆𝔊𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢 : Some angst, some fluff? Idk bye🤨

☆𝔖𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶 : "It's okay, it's over now" he kneeled to be at your level, his arms still wrapped around you, and you didn't have the energy to fight your urge of nuzzling into him. "I'll always be here for you, wherever there is wind, remember I'm here too. You only need to ask." (2.8k words)

♪𝔑𝔬𝔱𝔢𝔰 : i’m an idiot simp, i did this in one sitting and half asleep, english isnt my first language BLA BLA IM SORRY FOR MY POOR WRITING BUT HAVE THIS

basically you don’t know if you can trust venti or not, head says no, heart screams yes

Also, I was listening to stormterror’s lair ost while writing it, just because its fucking amazing, you might wanna listen to it too

I’m nervous to post this?/&:! This is the second fic i’ve ever finished in my whole life

i love venti and he’s hot in his god outfit i don’t make the rules

KAY ENJOY <3

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"Please, anybody... Just help me."

Saying you were exhausted would have been an understatement. After reuniting with your sibling, you had been frantically searching for clues about khaenri'ah and ways to Inazuma. With no luck, you couldn't find any traces of Dainsleif or of your twin. The ruins had been sealed and you had no idea what happened to the inverted statue or the corpse you had found there. Desperately, you clung into every little information you had, you would have turned every rock on this archon damned continent if you had to, which is what led you into those ruins near Guilli plains.

Walking along the destroyed buildings your eyes caught sight of a dandelion and you froze. You missed them so much, why couldn't they go back home with you? All you ever wanted was to be by their side why, why were they running away from you?

You remembered your travels, the moments you shared together, their protectiveness over you, the fondness in their eyes when you smiled at them. You remember the times you got hurt and healed one another with your now missing powers. You remember sleeping by their side and being grateful to the universe to let you keep your ray of sunshine everywhere with you. How ironic.

What had they meant 'once you reach the end of your journey' ? What does that even mean? Stupid twin, if they knew you were here the whole time, why hadn't they come to you? Why were they always leaving just when they were within your grasp? Why? Did they know how much you missed them and how much your heart broke when you finally saw them? Did they?

You only realized you were crying when a small gust of wind had your wet cheek react to the cold, breaking your train of thought. Wind.

The wind is everywhere, you think, free as a bird, always accompanying every citizen of this world, never truly alone. With this in mind, you resumed your exploring, slower this time.

A sigh escaped your mouth. You didn't want to admit it, but the wind did comfort you a little. Almost as if he was here. God of freedom and of the breeze, he was more a singer than a protector and you couldn't bear to think about him. Was it true? What Dain said... Did he destroy this nation? Was he the cause of the scenery that still haunted your nightmares up until 500 years later? Your brain simply couldn't accept that Venti, your Venti, you catch yourself thinking, could have made such an act of wrath. He was the epitome of freedom, why would he take the very thing he based all of his existence on from mere mortals? Barbatos simply couldn't be afraid of being overpowered, he didn't even care about power. All he wanted was freedom and happiness for his people. Surley this couldn't be right?

But then again, who were you to deny the wipe out of an entire nation? The gods did it. They were afraid that Celestia would be overthrown by the pride of humankind, the destruction of khaenri'ah by divine beings was a fact. There was no misunderstanding about this. That was the one thing you were sure of. So why did you feel like crying even more now?

The mere thought of a gentle soul such as Venti committing innocent people to an eternity of suffering didn't sit right with you. Even when his dearest friend Dvalin had turned against him, he didn't try to stop him, didn't even ask the dragon to save him. He healed and helped him, gave him a choice.

'What is freedom if demanded of you by a god?' was the same person that asked this question the same one who committed mass murder? Genocide?

Did the little wine-lover bard you had grown fond of destroy all hopes and light your kin had?

You remember that night when he freed Stanley from his burden, freed his and his friends' spirits. You had marveled at his action, in that instant he was a god, and he definitely hadn't struck you as a murderer. You remember that look of silent pain and grief in his eyes when he sang the tales of the nameless bard he had taken the appearance of. You knew he trusted you enough to share his story, something so personal, you could almost feel the war that took down the tyrant of Mond. Oh how much you cherished that evening, treating him to some well deserved dandelion wine afterwards, his favorite, and asking him to sing you more about the time where was nothing but the spirit of a breeze.

Your heart broke a little, remembering his rosy cheeks and drunk smile, you wish you could talk to him, ask him what happened. What did he do, was he really as dangerous as you had been told? If so, then why did you feel so good around him? Why did you feel like you could give hi-

You stopped walking upon seeing a ruin guard up ahead in the distance. You're so stupid, you think. Feeling this way is not gonna get you anywhere, especially with how the bard had been missing for a few weeks now. Ever since you had last seen your sibling.

Where was he, where was he wandering off to? You walk towards the disabled ruin guard, not really paying any mind to it, still thinking about the god you longed to meet with. If you could see him, what would you even say? Would he even answer your questions? Why did your stomach feel so light and funny when you thought about seeing him, why aren't you angrier?

You're almost at the killing machine's level now, so lost in your thought you don't notice the five other similar robots hidden behind a wall next to it. You notice them only when it's too late and you've already turned them on while thinking about examining them and collecting their serial numbers. When you hear the familiar tick of the mechanism turning on, you internally panic and think about running away only to calm down moments later and think to yourself that you can simply beat it and take what you came here for. Even if you are emotionally and physically tired, you can manage, you think.

That was before hearing five other consecutive ticks right after it, and all around you.

Turning around, your gaze falls upon the small army of field tillers. Fuck.

Paimon wasn't with you today, you had asked for some time alone which she hesitantly accepted, so you couldn't ask her to go fetch help. You would have been worried if you had all your capacities but with the state you were in, you were wondering how you were going to survive this fight. You were alone, none of your companions with you, and deeply weakened by the busy day you had and the few hours of sleep you had managed to steal away from the night. Was it today you would meet your doom, with all your questions and uncertainties unanswered?

You tried your best to fight with the strength you had left, but quickly grew desperate after what felt like hours of efforts to swing your blade and being able to only take one monster down out of the six. It didn't help that you got injured along the way, their blows becoming harder and harder to dodge. After being thrown on the grown for the third time, you understood you had at least two broken ribs and that your shaking legs would soon fail you as well.

Fear crept upon you, you would die here today, alone. Alone. You couldn't talk to your sibling after all, couldn't understand. You didn't even get to talk to him one last time. Him... You would die without the knowledge of the truth about your bard. You would die alone. You didn't want that, you couldn't look death straight in the eye.

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

In Mondstadt, there was a musician, a weird singer everyone had heard about at least once. He lived off of his songs and was mostly known for having a great story-telling and being an alcoholic.

The number of people who knew the true nature of his identity were few and he was perfectly content with that. He didn't wish to be a god anymore, his gnosis had been taken away anyway and it's not like he had any power over the city of wind nowadays. Even if his people still worshipped him as Barbatos, it didn't sit right with him to be called a god anymore. It actually never did, he thinks to himself with a smile, he never really took any responsibilities that came with the divine title which is why he was so weak today. But it didn't matter to him, his smile turns into a soft giggle.

Sitting on a mill that was once born from his steps he looks fondly over the city he founded. Even if they were godless, the citizens were still thriving and free. He cared oh so very deeply about the place even if he rarely, if not never, showed the affection within his heart. He remembers the day he grew strong enough to dispel the storms over his actual Mondstadt, and made the weather gentle enough so that there was no need for fireplaces. Nowadays, he loves watching birds nest into the chimney tops and seeing them found their own home. It gave him a sense of belonging like no other, not above his people, but walking among them and watching them nest into this cocoon he created. He was proud of what happened to his land and would do it all over again if he had to.

Especially since it led to him meeting you. This thought doesn't catch him off guard, you often roamed around in his mind after all, and it's not like he didn't write at least three songs about you and your feat, your smile, your courage...

Ah there he goes again, rambling about you in a whisper. He turns around to the statue of him his people erected in his honor, chuckling at how they never made the connection with his signature braids. His, but not really his, since he had stolen this form from someone who was much more deserving of this power than him. Seeing his friend being honored with the statues of the seven around the land made him happy, he hoped that it was a good enough thank you gift in return for everything that the bard whom he couldn't even remember the name of anymore did for him.

Upon gazing at the statue, he remembered telling you of his long gone friend. It was the first time he had talked about him to someone else, he didn't even mention it to Venessa, she who made him believe in himself again. He could ask himself why, but he simply knew that you had something different, more than meets the eye. Perhaps it was because you weren't from Teyvat, or perhaps it was just you being as simple as your natural self but he was simply and utterly captivated by your being. You inspired him to no end, at first he thought it was because he had never met someone like you and he loved new things! But as time grew and he got to know you, he understood quickly the meaning and depth of his passions. He thought of it with a light chuckle, content with your presence alone. He really did need and want you around.

So why did he purposely avoid you like the plague?

The wind had brought to his ears that you had met with Dainsleif.

And your twin.

His first reaction was to search for you, talk to you, he wanted to be here to know what happened! You had searched so long, he couldn't contain himself, still listening to what the wind told him, he started running with excitement but... But wait, Dainsleif was... He told you what?

Oh.

So you heard about Khaenri'ah. He had stopped dead in his tracks and turned back, only sending a warm current of wind your way, hugging you from afar.

He wasn't ready to talk about this yet, not ready to face you and absolutely not ready to answer your questions. He was a coward, he thought, running away like that but what else could he do, really. It was only natural for him to be as uncatchable as air.

A sorry excuse to avoid the fact that even if his past had marvelous story like the one of the nameless bard, it also had its share of darkness, something he wasn't ready to dive back into. Especially not now when your arrival has been shaking this world up like it hasn't been since at least 500 years.

But oh, how he longed to see your face or to hear your voice. So he asked a breeze to report to him what you were up to, and where you were. Just in case! he tells himself, what if you needed help ehe? But he knows you're competent and you won't need the help of a weakling coward like him anytime soon. Or so he thought.

Because when the breeze only gives him a few words back, his blood runs cold.

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

As you murmured these words in your desperate state, not really for anyone but yourself as a last resort, a prayer of some sort, you tried to stand by leaning yourself on your sword and failing miserably. You didn't dare look up as you heard the loud footsteps of the metal giants coming your way. It was over, and you barely managed to accept it.

As you rested your forehead against the cold handle of your sword, you closed your eyes, tears starting to make their ways out of your closed eyelids. All you could feel was remorse.

A soft breeze moved your hair slightly and your chest felt like a black hole had taken place where your heart used to be, regretting to not have been able to meet him under the tree at Windrise one last time.

The breeze quickly grew stronger, until it felt unnatural and you looked up from the ground, only to close your eyes again immediately when you realized the wind was too powerful for you to keep them open. If you had struggled to see though, you would have been blinded by the white light that soon illuminated the whole ruins. You didn't have enough time to register the situation when you felt a hand being laid atop your shoulder, snaking around your collarbones and pulling you back into... nothing? Another arm circled your weak form and a voice you immediately recognized said

"I've dealt with things worse than you, now crumble."

You realized that if you couldn't feel a chest behind you while still being embraced by his arms, it was because he was floating above you, and not standing behind you. A look in his direction confirmed your suspicions but what stunned you wasn't the fact that he was flying, but the attire he wore. Barely covering his body, a white set made of materials that seemed like clouds and liquid gold contrasted perfectly with his regular green clothes. His hair was glowing green and his eyes that were focused on the ruin guards up ahead had a marvelous shine that you had never seen before. He had that same aura he did the night he freed Stanley, but there was also something different about the way his hands gripped you a little too tightly or the way his voice sounded.

"Venti.." You muttered his name, relief and affection flooding you all at once, in his presence you felt as if nothing bad could happen to you. How foolish could you be, just a few hours ago you were speculating wether or not he had wiped out an entire civilisation and now here you were, being saved by him and feeling safer than you had in months.

"Close your eyes, I don't want give you a headache" he said, slowly floating legs first towards the ground. His unusually serious voice surprised you (and him) but you did as he told you. Letting go of your sword and leaning back into him, you let him deal with the monsters ahead of you.

"It's okay, it's over now" he kneeled to be at your level, his arms still wrapped around you, and you didn't have the energy to fight your urge of nuzzling into him. "I'll always be here for you, wherever there is wind, remember I'm here too. You only need to ask."

Being protected by a god really didn't feel that bad. Especially when you were in love with said god.

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Thank you so much for reading whatever this is until the end :’)

Don’t hesitate to comment or reblog, tysm <3

Ps: venti loves u and so do i do pls take care of urself mwah

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact #genshin impact angst #genshin impact scenario #venti x reader #venti x traveler #venti x lumine #venti x aether #el writes♡

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vanilla-vivillon · 3 years

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So since y’all seemed to like Kanej kid, let’s do Zoyalai kid. Also David isn’t dead in this because it is to sad

||ROW SPOILERS||

TW, this has brief mentions of infertility and describes labor, nothing to graphic just talks about how painful it is

After the wedding zoya and Nikolai were both excited to start a family

Nikolai; while he adores his sister Linnea and his father, never really was able to grow up in a loving household

He never wanted that for his children

He and Vasily had a horrible relationship growing up and he wanted to di everything in his power to make sure his kids had a healthy sibling relationship

Zoya on the other hand never really thought she’d have kids

Before everything went down she kinda assumed she’d work as a general and work to help Grisha

She never thought she’d have children

That obviously had to change

The country needed heirs

Zoya already decided that since she was probably gonna live a loooooong time, when her heir came of age she would step down; that way she wouldn’t love for a super long time.

Now that Zoya was gonna have children she wasn’t honestly sure about

What if they hold her back?

What if she gives up to many duties for them?

But higher the all these other worries she didn’t want to turn into her own mother

No matter how much Nikolai assured her that never will happen

Zoya still had worries

Zoya was a lot of things but motherly she was not

Nevertheless in February Zoya and Nikolai told there friends they were expecting

They were all incredibly happy for them

Tamar loved children although she herself didn’t want any and couldn’t wait to teach the kid things like how to ride a horse or shoot

Tolya objected saying the kid should be well educated on poatry and great works that way the Nazyalensky dynasty might be somewhat pious

Genya was hoping for a girl. Genya and David had there son Forrest earlier that year and Genya was already planning play dates

David was happy for his friends and had already started on projects for toys for the kid

When they wrote Mal and Alina they were ecstatic

While Mal gave tips on how to handle babies to Nikolai

Alina with her wiles and years of friendship with Zoya figured out all the way from Keramzin Zoya was worried

She wrote “Zoya babe imma cut to the chase, your nervous, your scared, your probably worried you’ll turn out to be a horrible mother. And imma tell you your not. Cause you’ve got an amazing freaking team. You’ve got Nikolai, Magnus, Linnea, and Genya and David, the twins, and of course myself. There’s no way in hell we’d let you turn out horrible to the kid. We’ve got you”

It helped Zoya a lot

She decided it was orphan wiles that Alina used to diagnose her exact problem from the letter she wrote to her

And Zoya did have wonderful people to help her

She wasn’t alone

Zoya had been trying to remember that more

Three months along Zoya was safely into Trmester two and it was time to tell the public

This was crucial to the monarchy

While zoya and Nikolai were popular

They needed an heir to convive people of the security of the nation

They made a public speech announcing the baby and Ravka went wild

If there’s one thing Ravkans know how to do it’s rally around babies

Letter came pouring in from name suggestions to old wives tales

They said Rosemary made the baby healthier

They said they should name there child Plumje

Well the Plumje comment was from some Kerch girl Zoya found strange but never mind that

The announcement was huge

The people had hope

Hope that wolves wouldn’t come knocking

Hope that there boys and girls wouldn’t be drafted

Hope for peace

While the people rejoiced Zoyas pregnancy was getting tougher

She had a easy enough first trimester but the second? That was rough

The morning sickness was bad

Her Healer; a no nonsense Fjerdan Women said that the vomiting wasn’t something that could be healed

And so Zoya suffered on

Zoya insisted on keeping her normal schedule

Her usual meetings with Grisha and the spy’s

Passive agressive letters to the Kerch

Aggressive aggressive letters to the shu

And trying to figure out whether or not there was a revolution group in the Wandering Isle

Zoyas schedule was already stressed and the baby wasn’t helping

Eventually her healer; Monika, put her foot down

“Your Magesty” She started “if you do not alleviate your stress I guarantee your pregnancy will be worse”

“Look Monika I can handle a little throw up”

Monika and Zoya attended the little palace together

While Monika was a healer and back then the animosity between corporalki and etherealki were high, they were friends

It was good to have a powerful healer in your corner when half the little palace hates you

And it was good to have a powerful squaller in your corner when your Fjerdan and in enemy territory

“Zoya you are endangering your child” Monika stated

By this statement Nikolai had enough

And zoya finally listened

Nikolai assumed some of her duties and Zoya started to feel a bit better

Her second trimester was stressful for there relationship

Nikolai had a hard time understanding zoya

And Zoyas fears started to grow

But they were a good couple

And they worked through tension before

Zoya opened up about her worries of being a competent queen with a child

She leaned on Nikolai more

And they worked together to fix the damage

By the end of her second trimester there relationship was healthier

And they thought the third couldn’t be as bad

In a way they were right

Her morning sickness while still present was significantly less then her second trimester

However I new thing arose

A question that everyone had been thinking

“What if the baby is Grisha?”

The Ravkans had accepted a Grisha queen

But a Grisha dynasty was another thing

Monika told them outright that the baby was probably Grisha

Being Grisha tended to run in families

And Zoya was fairly sure her paternal grandmother was also a squaller

The whole science of Grisha heritage wasn’t studied well

Most Grisha were in Ravka in the second army

And most of the soldiers don’t have children

Zoya also learned her new found ability to sense Grisha wasn’t fool proof

Sometimes she couldn’t tell at all

And in Genyas case of being somewhere between a corporalki and materialki, she couldn’t tell what she was

She also couldn’t sense anything in Forrest Kostyk

That meant they couldn’t rely on Zoyas power

Nikolai couldn’t help but think tracing heritage would be easier if he wasn’t a bastard

His mother’s line was easy

She was a Fjerdan princess so he could trace everything back from the very start

And from his mother not a drop of Grisha blood ran through his veins

His fathers got murky

Magnus didn’t come from nobility

He was self made

A self made orphan

So other then his father neither he nor Magnus knew anything about Grisha influence

Nevertheless they had other worries

Zoya was in her third trimester and was going to give birth any minute now

Zoya honestly didn’t think she would make it this far

And that has nothing to do with her fears of motherhood

Her own mother had four miscarriages

Pregnancy complications were common

Especially in Ravka where most couldn’t afford mediks

But now that the due date was fast approaching Zoya was in fact okay

Zoya can handle pain, she’s handled much worse

Labor was one of the least of her worries

The due date was October eighth

And on time and punctual Zoya went into labor during lunch

Nikolai joked it would be a good trait for a ruler to show up on time

However Zoya was in to much pain to think about a snarky retort

She had vastly underestimated how much this would hurt

The pain was blinding

But Zoya was strong enough to survive the fall

And so in 3:07 PM son October eighth

Prince Mycanae Juris Nazyalensky was born (prounounced My-kuh-nay-uh because I threw some random vowels together and made it a name)

Myca (My Kuh) for short

With a tuft of chocolate brown hair and beautiful hazel eyes he shone

Nikolai absolutely adored him

He would rock him and sing him lullabies

But mostly tell him stories

About the amazing Privateer Sturmhond

Of the allusive Juris

Of the little termite

Zoya in the other hand had a different approach to there newborn

When he first cried she was elated

Zoya didn’t hold back the tears of happiness and didn’t even swear the healers to secrecy after

Zoya was the epitome of

“Oh god it’s a baby, as I holding him wrong? Does he have the right clothes on? He’s so fragile and precious”

Monika had to tell her three times that Myca’s crib was fine for him and it wasn’t to hard

However the family’s elation was short lived

They were a family

But they were also the rulers of Ravka

And Ravka needed to see the face of there hope

Four hours after his birth Nikolai presented him before the nobility

Zoya still wasn’t feeling to great and Nikolai Insisted he could do it

This is what the Ravkans needed

The baby met stability

Met peace

For once in many years the people could lay down in there beds without fear

But to Zoya and Nikolai

There baby wasn’t a political tool

Or a savior

He was just a baby

A perfect

Small

Baby

This is what love does.

Im really proud of myself for accomplishing this. I worked really hard on it and to keep our characters in canon. My ask box is open and n do any Grishaverse asks

If this gets 25 likes I’ll do a part two 😉

I defo think Nikolai and Zoya would have more then one kid

Also I kid you not I couldn’t find any good names for the life of me so I eventually took a break and was doing my History homework when I was reading some old Greek thing and saw the word “Mycenae” and was like “Yeah I can massively mispronounce this and make it a name”

Here is part two https://dablackdahlia.tumblr.com/post/651104016423583744/the-black-dahlia

I also made a Kanej kid one here

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starbuckie · 3 years

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𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤

challenge: time travel challenge by @justagirlinafandomworld

prompt: “we’re divorced?”

pairing: sirius black x reader

words: 5.7k words

warnings: FOURTH WALL BREAK!!(sorry im very excited about that), lots of angst, almost smut(hehe), sirius lowkey has a breeding kink, sirius is an asshole for a bit, the smallest bit of fluff, fix-it, and the same time travel theory as back to the future

summary: an unnatural occurrence lets a woman go back in time to try and change everything she’s known for the past twenty years.

a/n: wow, i normally don’t write for harry potter so this was a nice change. anyways, this is for yvette’s time travel writing challenge, and everybody say HAPPY BIRTHDAY YVETTE! i’m so sorry this is late, it got deleted and i needed to re-edit, but i truly appreciate your friendship and your lovely, amazingly beautiful self, and I’m so so glad that we became friends :) this fic is not beta-read at all, so if you see any mistakes tell me, but otherwise i really hope you enjoy this fic<3

main masterlist || harry potter masterlist

It still wasn’t over. After all she had lost, more specifically everyone she had lost, and the shitty cycle that she had to call her life, it still wasn’t over. The people she had watched the life drain from, the screams of those suffering from the loss caused by the Dark Lord, and yet life still hadn’t had its fill of torturing Y/N. Grimmauld Place felt empty without the kids, without the Weasleys, but they had gone back to their home and soon enough she would have to as well. Harry had gone back to Hogwarts with Dumbledore, though she’d argued to hold onto him just a bit longer after-

After Sirius had died.

Time had passed, maybe two or three weeks, but no matter what the woman couldn’t bring herself to get out of Sirius’ old bedroom, simply staring at the ceiling with her tears at bay. Her and Sirius had been a complicated thing, to say the least, a topic nobody had brought up since 1983, when she had banned it. Not as if there was much to talk about after the divorce and Sirius going to Azkaban. After Lily and James had died, after she had fought with Dumbledore for custody of Harry, after she had become a professor at Beauxbatons and moved to France without a second thought. Sirius had been locked up after he’d hurt her in the worst possible way, and Y/N’s heartbroken soul found no other reason to return to England.

But, she pushed those bad memories to the back of her mind. It seemed so trivial, looking back on it. Not the broken house, of course, that had been his own mistake. But Y/N had many regrets, all of them seeming to revolve around the mischievous black-haired man who she had fallen in love with as a teen. The night it went down, the night their relationship had fractured at the seams and fallen down, was her greatest one however. It had been so stupid, so, so stupid, but they’d both gotten caught up in the moment, and Y/N had let him die without knowing how much she was sorry for that night that they let their fears consume them.

The cries that she had tried so hard to contain finally broke free from the restraints of her heart. “I’m so sorry, Siri,” she whispered into the air, “I couldn’t save you this time.” As the hot, salty tears ran down her cheeks, Y/N shuffled across the room, letting her feet drag her to the old Black family room, the dark green walls embracing her rainy emotions.

A little gasp escaped her lips as she looked at the portraits among the wall. The Black family tree was faded along the age-old wall, but what she was really looking for was the burned out image of her raven-haired love. There, right next to Regulus, was a black spot, scorned and scarred by the prestigious family for being a blood traitor. Y/N smiled and traced the burn with her finger, remembering their fourth year when she had accompanied him home for the holidays so he wouldn’t be completely alone in the hellhole he had to call his house. Sirius had snuck them up to this room and spent the night talking in hushed whispers sworn secrets. “I’ll be yours forever, Siri, and I’m sorry for fighting with you. I wish-” she sniffled, glaring at the spot in the wall as she tried to garble out her words, “I wish, I could go back in time, and just fix it. Just me and you, and that stupid night, with the bloody fight about children because you deserve it all, darling.”

“Ah, I think you can.”

Y/N turned around, her eyes wide with fear. That was not Kreacher’s voice. There stood a younger woman, around nineteen, a scroll of paper and a quill in her hand. There was a whisper of a smirk on her face, brown eyes glittering even in the dimness in the room. “Who the hell are you?” Y/N looked at the door, which was still closed as she left it. She cast her wand out, pointing it at the stranger who did nothing but smile. “How did you get in here? Are you with the Lord?”

“With Voldemort?” The woman simply laughed. “Dude, I’m not with ‘the Lord’,” she added with air quotations. “Also I’m not really even here, so don’t you worry about that. My name’s Malia.”

Malia held her hand out, but Y/N kept her guard up. “You’re American. What brings you here? Are you a muggle?”

“Oh, nope, not a wizard, I’m just the author of this story.” Malia confided. “I’m here to tell you that you can fix this.”

“Fix… what?” Malia just rolled her eyes and sighed, staring up towards the ceiling as she spoke.

“God, did I write you to be hard of hearing now, too? I ought to fix that when I get back.” The woman blankly stared at the strange girl, wondering what the actual fuck she was talking about. “I can give you the chance to go back in time, Y/N. It won’t be for long, it’s really not gonna be interesting for more than two hours at most, but that should be enough time to tell the gang about what’s to come with Voldemort.”

“Like... time travel?” Y/N asked. The only way she knew how to time travel was the time turners. “But all of the ti-”

“Time turners were destroyed in the Department of Mysteries, I know, I know. Trust me, I’ve read Harry Potter more times than I’ve said ‘I love you’ to my parents.” Malia smiled. “I’m the author, I make the rules, and my rule is that I’m giving you two hours in 1978 to talk to Sirius so he can fix the emotional fucking mess left behind by J.K. Rowling.”

“Who’s J.K. Rowling?” Malia shuddered at the name.

“A raggedy-ass, transphobic bitch who wrote y’all into existence, but she’s not of importance right now.” She checked the small, rectangular box in her hand, which glowed and provided little light in the darkened room. “Let’s see, it’s currently eleven-forty, so you have until one-forty to find the Marauders and fix this future. It may not be fixed in the books in the future, but if you are able to do it here that’s all that matters.” Malia’s brown eyes were downcast, her bright and loud personality dimming for just a moment before returning to Y/N’s confused gaze once more. “Try not to screw up too much while you’re there, just enough that you defeat the Dark Lord the first time. Tell Sirius all you know and that should be enough for him to fix all the mistakes, but do not under any circumstances let him or anyone else know who you are. I wish you luck, Y/N, it was nice to meet ya in person.”

And with a peace sign in front of her face, she disappeared into a flash of neon pink light.

“Bloody hell! Fix my future? Talk to Sirius? If this even is time travel, then how am I supposed to get there- AH!” Y/N’s body felt like it was turning inside out, her guts being torn from her stomach and back into it again. A delirious giggle arose from her lips in the black void she was pulled into, and a soft chatter could be heard, like voices at the end of a tunnel.

“Blimey, looks like we got ourselves a nutter on school grounds.” Y/N’s arms flailed around, desperately seeking some sort of grounding surface to hold on to when her back hit a rough surface. There was an audible crack somewhere in her body, but she felt so sick that she couldn’t tell where.

“Are you okay, ma’am? You just appeared from the sky and hit the ground.” Warm, brown eyes met Y/N’s, a familiar mess of black curls resting atop of the boy’s head. Large, rounded glasses sat perched on the tip of his nose, and an impish smile, one she used to know so well before he died, met his lips.

“James,” she sighed. The boy stared at her strangely, and only then did she notice the three other boys and girls each behind them. Remus, Peter, Sirius, Lily, Marlene, and Alice.

Sirius.

The sight that met her eyes made her nearly emotional. It had technically been only three weeks since she had seen him, but here was the young boy she had fallen in love with. The one who charmed her with his smart words and witty retorts to her brush-offs, who used to hold her in his arms in the most intimate and gentle ways. His grey eyes sparkled with curiosity, the infamous Marauder mischief swirling within the silvery pools.

Seeing him so young tugged at her heartstrings, and though she wanted nothing more than to hold him in her arms and never let go, a small, niggling feeling at the back of her head held her back. Was there something wrong?

“You know me?” Oh right, she was currently thirty-five. Looking around she noticed that she was outside the quidditch pitch, and there were other students, staring at her with widened eyes. No one knew she was Y/N L/N, their fellow schoolmate and probably one of the very few of them that survived the Death Eaters attacks. None of them were aware how it ended, or how it was currently going for them back in 1996, and in this time there was the first Wizarding War going on and they had every right to be terrified for their lives.

James now took a more defensive stance, standing tall and holding his wand out. “Who are you?”

She couldn’t give him the answer, instead letting her mouth gape open as she stared at him with wide eyes. Y/N looked across the grounds for the nearest exit, which was down by Hagrid’s hut and into the Forbidden Forest. It was her only choice at this point, to hide in the dark, creepy space, maybe just until the students went away so she could find Sirius and talk to him alone. It’d be hard to separate him from the boys, but if Lily were occupied with James it sure would be easy.

Her younger, seventh-year self didn’t seem to be in the audience, thank Merlin, and with that knowledge, she got up and ran, ignoring her screaming muscles. That time travel really did a number on her.

As she ran through the crowd, shoving people aside, she heard the students mutter, too much in shock and disarray to stop the crazy, old woman who knew James Potter.

“This is dodgy.”

“Someone ought to tell Dumbledore about this.”

“She kinda looks like Y/N L/N.’

“Don’t insult the poor girl like that, that wonker is ages old.”

“Come back here! Who the bloody hell are you?” Y/N’s heart beat quickly in her chest, threatening to burst out. Only three minutes in the past and it was all going straight to shit. “Stupefy!”

Shit. “No, James, please don’t-“ Her body hit the ground and her eyes closed, the last thing she saw being the pumpkin patch by the hut.

“I see you’re awake now, Ms. L/N.” Dumbledore stood above Y/N in the hospital ward bed, his grey beard dangling in front of her face. Her first instinct was to start blaming him for everything that had happened, starting from Lily and James’ deaths to Sirius’, already opening her mouth to call him an old, senile cow, but then she realized that Harry hadn’t been sent to the Dursleys yet, much less been born yet, so none of it would have an effect on him. Y/N’s second instinct was to question how Dumbledore knew who she was in 1978, but her former Headmaster started to speak before she could do so. “I must admit, it’s very courageous, that stunt you just pulled. I don’t think Ms. Louie will be too happy about that.” Y/N sent him a questioning stare. “Malia, the girl you met earlier. Malia Louie.”

“Headmaster Dumbledore, how did you know it was me?” She was dressed in a white gown that went to her knees, and behind him she could see her blouse and jeans folded and clean. Ah, the Hospital Wing. She had brought the boys here more times than she could count in her years at Hogwarts. “I don’t exactly look as young as I used to.”

“Ah, don’t worry Ms. L/N, you’ve kept your good looks quite nicely, even in your older age.” He stroked his beard thoughtfully, his wrinkled eyes sparkling with joy. “And speaking of young, if you are still worrying yourself about your younger self, you can put that to a stop. I am aware that you are not able to tell anyone who you are, and time travel is exceptionally dangerous if you are seen by the other version of yourself. I’ve already told the students that you were just a stray witch, misguided in your ways and that you were well taken care of. However, I think that brings us to the question of what your intentions are in the past, Ms. L/N.”

“Headmaster, I don’t think I can tell you about my business here. I’ve already messed up by letting the school see me by letting everyone see me, I don’t know why that girl even sent me here, it’s clear that this was a mistake.” Y/N sat up on the headboard, feeling her eyes fill with tears once again. The tall arches of windows let the sun in the room, and she could see the specks of dust swirling around in the golden light. It had to be close to the end of the year for them, maybe sometime around April or May, near the end of N.E.W.T.s at least. She could imagine that it’d be easy for her to get out of Hogwarts for the day, with all the students studying for the stressful exams in the library, maybe she'd make her way to Hogsmeade and walk around or visit Hagrid under a false name to have some tea. He was always open for a nice cuppa with strangers on any free day he had. “Thank you Headmaster, for your kindness, but I really ought to be going. I-it was nice to see you.”

Y/N started to help herself out of the bed, swinging her feet over to touch the cool stone ground. Bones cracked with pain and fatigue, her muscles stretching sluggishly. Merlin, that she was not expecting that much hurt from the fall, but she should have never underestimated James Potter. No one ever should if they want to keep their good mind and sanity.

Dumbledore handed her her clothes, cracked lips set in a straight line as he nodded solemnly. “I hope you accomplish whatever it is you are here to do, Ms. L/N, but I have no doubt that you will.” With a sly wink, he added, “You were always one of our most ardent and bright students.”

Y/N let herself smile, and with a wave, swiftly brought herself to the door. “Thank you, Headmaster.”

After slipping outside, she ran down the corridors, echoes of her feet ringing lightly behind her. The courtyard proved to be empty and she quickly ducked behind a column and tugged her jeans on hastily, making sure that no professors came walking past. Though the sky proved to be bright and cheerful, a slight breeze carried through, making her fall off balance and fall on the cemented ground.

“Are you okay, darling? You look like you’re in need of a little help.” Y/N looked up to the speaking figure, one that she both loved and dreaded to see.

She gathered herself quickly, her mind running fast and heart beating out of her chest as she tried to get out. “Yes, I am okay, thank you for asking. I think I’ll just get up and going now, I don’t need to take time out of your day like this-”

“I know who you are, Y/N.”

Y/N came to a full stop, going against her brain that screamed at her to run away. Sirius looked downtrodden, his grey eyes watering despite the small hint of a smirk on his face. Though he was always one for playing around and not taking anything seriously, she knew when it was time to stop pretending and get real. “How’d you know it was me, Sirius?”

“You really don’t look bad for your age, darling.” He offered her a hand to help her up and she took it graciously, eyeing him nearly guiltily and forgetting about her promise to Y/N. But that was useless now, this moment with her first love was much more important. “Also you have the tattoo on your chest. I knew it was you the moment you landed on school grounds.”

She traced his gaze to her left collarbone, where a paw print, just barely visible beneath her low-cut blouse, sat. It was his, or Snuffles’, paw print, and at this point in time they had probably gotten it done about three months before. He had one for her too, a horseshoe for her horse patronus, right on his left side of his chest too. So they’d always be right next to each other’s hearts, as cheesy as it seemed.

But they were dumb, lovesick teenagers, and they acted the part well too. Their love was all-consuming, shagging in under the bleachers at the quidditch pitch and making out under the stars. It was fast, everything was fast, decisions, ideas, classes, all of them under the impression that they had to do everything right then or they’d be dead before they got to actually live. They had dreams of marriage, and a big, big family, obviously so far away from his family so they could never hurt their children’s lives the way they had hurt his.

They were fantasies, Y/N had known that well enough when she and Sirius got divorced, but it was something that eighteen year-old Sirius Black held close to his heart. No matter how shitty his life got, he was always a firm believer in a happy ending. In their happy ending.

“How am I right now?” They now stood over the Black Lake, staring into the glittering depths of the water where some mermaids could be seen sneaking peeks at the handsome boy and the strange lady who had fallen from the sky.

Sirius stared at her questioningly for a moment. “How are you doing right now? I mean, I believe that I should be asking you that ques- oh, Merlin, I’m such a git, you meant your younger self.” Y/N laughed at that, her heart lifting with the goofiness of the old Sirius relieving an ache in her heart that she had had for so long. Not that old (it felt weird to say that) Sirius had been anything less than silly and snarky, but it was never directed towards her. It was nice to have the resemblance of their old relationship back, even if it was just for a fleeting moment. “I suppose that you’re okay. You didn’t see, well, your big moment on the field, but at this point Lily has probably opened her big, fat mouth and told you. N.E.W.T.s are just finishing up, so you’re much more light-hearted than during the study season.”

“I really did have a stick up my arse during exam time, you always told me to loosen up-”

“Y/N, cut out the small talk, I think it’s okay for me to ask how and what is happening.” Sirius cut in.

So she told him. Y/N had always been upfront with people about everything. Or rather, she had learned how to be upfront with people after her and Sirius’ divorce. Without details of the deaths, she explained how she was sent back into the past to fix it in some conceivable way. However, she did tell him about the fall out. Maybe she wanted him to understand her pain, even though it was a younger him, but she had to admit to herself that it was because she just wanted Sirius, in whatever form life gave her to hear out her grievances and apologies.

Since her Sirius was dead before she could.

“We’re divorced?” Sirius looked about ready to break down into tears, almost as if the concept of them breaking up or separating was foreign to him. “What exactly did we fight over, Y/N? That doesn’t seem normal for the two of us.” Sirius asked.

“Well, to be fair, it wasn’t a normal predicament for us. either…”

Sirius slammed the door shut, efficiently pinning her against it with his white button up ruffled up, navy tie hanging from his neck loosely. Y/N’s arms were held down tightly against the oak wood, the sensation of the cold door burning into her rather warm skin making her squeal. Her husband’s tongue worked its way through her parted lips, low groans rising from the back of his throat from the way she moaned in tandem with his hips pushing into hers. Legs wrapped around his tapered waist, the pink, floral skirt Y/N wore rising high on her thighs, revealing more of her flesh to the lust-filled man. Both of their giggles echoed off the hallway walls of their small cottage home, just four miles west of their best friends’.

As the twenty year-old man threw his wife unceremoniously on the bed, he shed himself of his shirt and swiftly unbuttoned his slacks, throwing them haphazardly across the room. Merlin, Y/N looked ethereal laying spread out on the bed, panties around her left ankle, swollen lips parted with short puffs of air leaving them. “You just get right down to business, don’t you, Black.”

Crawling over his body, his hot breath hit her neck as he growled against her skin. “Could say the same thing about you, darling.” Sirius’ lips made their way down every inch, every curve, nook, and cranny of Y/N’s body, smoothly slipping her clothes off as he did so. Her sweet gasps filled the bedroom, back arching off the bed to meet his chest. “I’m going to put a baby in you tonight, sweetheart, we’re-”

Y/N sat up straight, her eyebrows trained in confusion at her husband. “What? A baby?”

Sirius’ heart pounded in his chest. “Yes.” He remarked in a clipped tone. “Is that not what you wanted?”

Her mind recalled her words from earlier that day, as she chatted happily with Lily about the news of her pregnancy. “Siri, I said I may one day enjoy having a kid of my own. Not right now, of course, but later. After all, we only got married a few months ago, don’t you think we should hold off a bit on that? We’re twenty years-old, Siri, there’s so many years for that.”

Rage filled Sirius’ blood like a spreading fire. In all honesty, it wasn’t so much about his anger as it was his hurt and fear. Fear that she had realized how fucked up he truly was, fear that she realized what he had known all along- that she deserved better than him. “So you don’t want a baby with me?”

“I never said I didn’t want that, Sirius, I just said that I’m not ready!” Y/N yelled back. At this point both of them stood on opposite sides of the bed, faces hot with tears. “We’re in the middle of a bloody war, people we know, people we love, have lost their lives, and it is not the ideal environment to raise a child, Sirius! Just because James and Lily are ready to have one doesn’t mean that I am too!”

“When will you be ready, Y/N? When will it ever be enough time for you? When will I be enough for you?” The heartbroken girl tried to interject, but her voice was cut off by her husband’s quickly enough. Sirius climbed onto the bed, holding her chin harshly with one hand. “Tell me, did you ever want to be with me in the first place?”

“Yes, Sirius, of course I wanted to be with you.” His heart hurt looking at the love of his life in tears, but even that was able to melt his cold facade. “I love you more than anything in the world.”

“Then fucking prove it, Y/N.” With that declaration, he removed his hand from her face and gathered his clothes, slamming everything in their shared room as Y/N quivered, knees ready to buckle on the spot. “I’m going out, don’t wait up for me.”

As soon as the front door shut, she fell to the ground in tears, the laughter that once filled their home replaced with the sound of her shattered heart.

Y/N had done her best to not tear up during her explanation of the events that had taken that night, but Sirius' eyes watered, refusing to believe the truth. “No. No. I didn’t do that. Y/N, tell me,” he gripped her biceps with trembling hands, “please tell me I didn’t really do that. I can’t believe that I-I, that I-”

“You were drunk, Sirius, I don’t think you truly knew what you were saying at the time.” She sighed, “But people always say that drunken words are just sober thoughts.” Y/N rubbed her arms, just shivering slightly in the Scotland breeze. “You came back two hours later punching the wall and breaking it, and that’s when I knew that we wouldn’t last.”

The raven-haired boy’s head started to shake, even more mortified of the actions that his future self, the man he’d be in just two years' time, had done. “I packed up my things, not that there were many, we’d only moved into the house a month before, left, and I sent the divorce papers a week later. It was probably better that way, you would’ve divorced me if I hadn’t done it first.” Y/N had gotten used to telling her sob story to colleagues at Beauxbatons, to her family, but it felt different with pre-divorce Sirius. Of course, she had never thought she’d be in this citation either, so no one could really blame her for feeling weird. “You signed them easily, and my lawyer made sure that I never had to see you again.” Until Lily and James died.

“Until…” Sirius led on.

“Merlin’s beard, Sirius, you’ve always been able to read my mind. Shouldn’t have doubted it for a second.” He smiled at the sentiment, gesturing for her to continue. “I can’t tell you, Sirius, I hope you can understand that.”

“Why, Y/N, what happens that can be any worse in the future?” Oh dear, Sirius, you really do not want the answer to that question. She needed any way out of this conversation, after all running away was what she did best, and her eyes already searched for several routes to which she could run. Not that Y/N could ever outrun Sirius in his animagus form, but it was nice to have the belief that she could. The boy sensed her distress and grabbed hold of her hand. “You don’t have to tell me, darling, but I have to admit that I am a bit worried, just in the slightest.”

Y/N let herself calm down, squeezing Sirius’ hand and noticing his watch. She had actually given him that watch, gold-plated and dark grey metal, but it wasn’t the beauty of the gift that caught her eye, but rather the actual time on it. One-thirty.

How had that much time gone by so quickly? She was going to be sucked into the black void of time travel again in ten minutes, and that wasn’t nearly enough time to unload nearly twenty years worth of history onto Sirius. No, he would go insane from that much knowledge, which was exactly against what Malia had advised.

“I don’t have enough time to tell you everything that happens in the future, Sirius. But what I am about to tell you is vital, absolutely vital for the good of all of us in the future.” Sirius nodded with a serious sort of smile on his face. “Don’t let Peter be Lily and James’ secret keeper. When the time comes that they move away, I’m not going to tell you where yet, do not under any circumstances let Peter be their secret keeper. I know he’s one of our best friends right now, and do not tell anyone about this, but he’s going to betray us in the worst way possible.”

While Sirius was shocked, he nodded solemnly and ran a hand through his long hair. “I won’t tell anyone, Y/N. Can I fix us, Y/N? I don’t know if you should be letting the key to a happier future rest in my hands.”

“I full heartedly trust that you’ll do some good, whatever the outcome may be. As for fixing us, I hope you can, but depending on what happens we’ll just have to wait and see.” She sighed, “If you want my opinion on it, I think that we both should have waited longer to get married. It was right after James and Lily got married, but we aren’t and never will be them. We both had a lot of growing up to do, so I would take it slowly. Communicate your wants and needs in the relationship and in the end it may not even be us together. But I know you, Siri, don’t let this get in the way of your entire life. The most important part is that you tell James and Lily about Peter.”

She glanced back up the school grounds where students could start to be seen leaving their classes. “You better get back to the castle, Sirius. McGonagall is going to come for your arse and this time the boys aren’t going to be able to cover for you.”

“If they knew where I was, darling, I don’t even think they’d believe me.” Sirius chuckled.

Y/N nodded in agreement and pulled Sirius into a tight hug. “You can do this, sweetheart, and even if you can’t, it will not stop me from loving you any less. Maybe the future wasn’t meant to be changed, but regardless of whether that is true or not, I know that you will try your hardest, Sirius. Just try not to die, okay?”

The boy was still clutching onto her tightly, his tears soaking her rose-colored blouse. “I’ll do my best, darling.”

With one last kiss on the forehead, she smiled at him. “I know you will, Siri.”

Y/N’s arse hit the floor once again, her spine cracking once again. “What’s the year?” She yelled out, reaching for the walls of the black family room.

But it wasn’t there. Upon opening her eyes, she saw James, Lily, and Sirius sitting at a wooden table in her old white cottage. A nice tea set, her grandmother’s as she realized later, sat in the center, along with a large stack of letters. “Y/N, what the bloody hell happened to you, I’ve been worried sick!”

Her red-headed best friend scurried over to her, brushing invisible dirt off her shoulders and pulling her up abruptly. James fixed the glasses on his nose, cleaning them off with his striped jumper. “You look a little disheveled right now, Y/N, what ran you over?”

“You know who she reminds me of right now, Jamie? That crazy witch friend of Dumbledore’s that made her way onto campus back in seventh year.” Lily giggled as she hugged Y/N.

“Merlin’s beard, you’re right!” James walked over to the woman of the hour, ruffling her hair with a smirk on his face. “If you were about twenty years older I’d have no trouble believing you were the same person.”

While Lily and James recalled their memories from the strange woman all those years ago at Hogwarts, Sirius pulled Y/N aside, an arm wrapped around her waist. The warmth radiating from his body was nice, embracing her in a comfort she hadn’t felt in so long.

“I’m going to go ahead and believe that I did something right?” Sirius grabbed her hand, and only then did she notice the coolness of metal sitting on her left ring finger. There sat the single band of gold, a small ruby encased in its plating. She had once joked that diamonds were too overrated, and he went out and got her the most vibrant gem he could find, claiming that it was just like her. But regardless of its shape, size, or type of gem, it was there.

“Yeah, Siri,” Y/N replied with tears in her eyes, “you did good.”

“Oi, Blacks, stop making out and get over here, we got a letter from Minnie!” James yelled, making both wives chuckle. “Harry’s gotten himself in detention for punching Malfoy again.”

“Oh, thank Merlin, the boy deserves a few more good hits.” Sirius laughed.

“McGonagall still talks to us?” Y/N asked in amazement. “You’ve got to get me caught up.”

“Don’t worry, darling, we’ve got all the time in the world.” Sirius gently placed his lips onto hers, and for once in nearly twenty years, Y/N felt at peace. There were no more hasty warnings of the future, no psychotic old men coming after her family, no young girls rushing in to tell her how to fix her screwed up life. Cracked, pink lips moving against her own, his tongue delving into her mouth, and Y/N knew she was finally off the clock.

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lover-of-trash-and-people · 3 years

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bittersweet netflix shadow and bone finale (s1 e8) rewatch; accoutrement: white wine with ice cubes in it (no YOU'RE a mom drink shh)

my wine's like fruity I love her

light and darkness title card we love to see it

Inej looking at Alina before she goes below deck to hide <3

okay that 'what can you really do on your own' was like not fun that shit hurted

okay but Jesper's 'not enough'? <3

oh no my baby Zoya's first inkling that Darkles does not really care

omg Helnik just appeared and I remembered how much heartbreak I have to face in this episode

gods I love Danielle as Nina so so much

'this can't be it' said she with her pleading smile with downturned eyebrows MA'AM I-

don't break my dumb little heart

I might hate Calahan's little accent but they're making me tear up

oh gods I literally cannot keep a hold on myself when Dani's accent bleeds through with full force, it's like she comes more alive or smth

'I will keep you warm' SIR WHAT-

I am surprised they showed a leaning in for a kiss so soon but I'm not mad about it

her little eyebrow twitch at 'what are waffles'

when that rando said 'i hunt slavers now' a dread settled into me because I knew what was about to go down

Matthias looking somberly at the stuffed wolf's head </3

I am so incredibly entranced by this exchange between Fedyor and Nina and what it represents, it's very interesting that they pushed up their storyline to match with the timeline

damn it's kind of jarring to be back in the Fold

'REMEMBER WHO'S DRIVING'??!!!! *you better stop* meme, *i am, disgusted* meme, *oh wow, oh wow* meme

Mal you fucking idiot you could never take the crows by surprise

the music rising as Kaz starts explaining his thought process, fucking perfection

haha Mal bitchass Inej caught you

'Because if he isn't with Kirigan's crew, he's with ours' WHEN I TELL YOU I SCREAMED

'And why would we destroy the Fold? It's the greatest weapon we've got' valid point at the moment but you know I don't necessarily agree with your methods

the use of the light tunnel in the show instead of Alina just being a super flashlight in the books is quite an interesting addition as well

is this an inappropriate time to point out how pretty Ben Barnes is

okay I kind of love the depiction of the shadow powers okay sue me

'they are traitors who tried to kill you' why are you suddenly making valid points despite having kind of committed low scale genocide

'i never said I was smart' YES MAL BE THE VOICE OF HIMBOS EVERYWHERE

Kaz's face going from 'can you believe this idiot' at Mal to 'fuck me I'm gonna do the same thing aren't I' at Inej

'For who would oppose us now?' *himbo romantic rival appears out of nowhere and shoots at him* god I love this show

him standing calmly in his ridiculous all black attire after nodding at his soldier to stop the himbo in his tracks, i fucking can't

could she summon light without the Darkling making her after he put the collar on her until the uhm moment in the books? idts but in the show she can hmm

'only because I'm not in the game' you tell him Jesper

not me snickering at 'you'll be seen not as a saviour, but as a heretic' LMFAO

'Shame. I'll have to give that speech again now.' THIS SHOW IS A FUCKING COMEDY AND YOU CAN'T PROVE ME WRONG

YES LET'S FUCKING GO SULI SOLIDARITY

Darkles casually whipping the Cut out like a shuriken or a throwing knife at Jesper because he shot at him lmao I can't

INEJ FUCKING GHAFA STABBED ONE THE OLDEST AND MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE IN THAT WORLD AND THAT IS VERY TELLING OF HER POWER

that moment where you actually think that affected him despite having read the books and watched the show

and then he has to go and fucking say 'it will take more than this' and I can't be help but be a little bit impressed at this old fool's resilience

throwback to when he said 'the king is a child' sir you make some valid points sometimes and it does make it difficult to hate you

I would just like to inform everyone that it is currently 6:09 am IST and I am sipping my second mug of wine while watching netflix sab for the second time instead of doing my three papers that are due tomorrow

I'm sorry but Inej jumping to check on Zoya after she gets knocked over by the volcra? first class display of solidarity and sisterhood as well as Inej's inherent kindness

Kaz jumping in front of a FUCKING VOLCRA AND STABBING IT WITH HIS CANE to save Inej, you best believe love is true, kids

god the volcra are so ugly and gross, they did such a good job with them

they kind of remind me of these creatures (I think they might have been called Hollows or smth) from the Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children movie

STAG VISION TIME

despite my dislike for the callous nature with which the stag plotline was handled, I kind of dig the stag vision scene

'It's just me and you now, Alina. And we're all we need, anyway.' I actually feel bad for this old fool simping for this wonderful gorgeous powerful woman despite lying to her and manipulating her and exploiting her power

okay 'I never needed you' *stabs the bone fragment out of his hand* beautiful power move I fucking love you so so much

alright ben looking like ✨ that✨ not only in physical pain but also emotional pain at what the Darkling clearly considers another betrayal from this girl he wants to give the world and maybe? loves? maybe? or at least has feelings for makes my fucking heart hurt while simultaneously soar at Alina taking back control and reclaiming her power as her own and stepping into her own

'how do you claim such power' okay could have had better dialogue there writers

the fucking score lifting as she says 'you cannot claim what was not given to you' good people my heart is full

one day I'll talk about my defense of the chosen one trope because god damn I kind of love it

hmm I wonder was that brief hesitation that we saw on Alina's face due to her thinking about the 'you chose to betray our people' comment or the 'i was trying to save us' comment because that will define some of her actions in the later seasons (hopefully god if we get some, I honestly don't know what with this stupid brownface debacle)

I'm not saying talking about brownface and pointing out that it is wrong (for further context, I am actually brown) and harmful is stupid btw I'm talking about the incidents involving brownface in question

I don't wanna talk about this anymore but I might feel like I need to and end up posting about it idk

goodness Ivan actually believing in this cause makes me so sad because he too has been victimized by the system that ostracizes Grisha and he has every right to feel the way that he does

Ben actually fighting in that ridiculously heavy cloak and kefta when he's about to turn 40 this year makes me super impressed because I as a 19 year old sometimes wake up with muscle pulls after weeks of inactivity it's weird idk

also I understand that this Mal Darkling fight is completely fanservice and serves nearly no purpose to the plot in general but like I? love it?

'I don't have to kill you Darkling. Your past will do it for me' YES HIMBO GO OFF YOU TELL THAT OLD MAN GODS THAT WAS SEXY AS FUCK

maybe it's because I know Darkles will survive and will come out of it more powerful but I can't get myself to feel bad for him at the moment

Inej and Mal tearing up at Alina's condition made me almost feel something despite it being super obvious she was gonna be fine and save their asses at the last moment

HER POWER

a solitary Kaz in spotted on the western side of the newly expanded fold in his signature all black emo boy look

okay but the crows with zoya and malina is such an adorable team? I literally love them so much?

INEJ'S FUCKING SMILE AT ALINA GIVING HER THE DAGGER AND KAZ LOOKING AT HER AGSGSGSHSJSJSK MY HEART CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE

SHE KNOWS JUST WHAT TO NAME IT WELL GIRLIE I KNOW IT TOO AND MY FUCKING HEART IS LITERALLY GONNA BURST

okay I know they had one interaction but Mal and Jesper would be besties in another universe

Kaz glaring at Jesper when he answers ''course not' to Alina's 'will you still be trying to kidnap me?' tell me one fucking adaptation that got the dynamics between characters this perfectly

okay why do I love that Alina kept the jewellery as maybe a small nod to she has the wits to, um, you know, I don't wanna say steal, but, um, yeah, steal it because she knew she would need money to survive on the run

oh Jessie I love you so much I wish you hadn't said those things on you ig story about the brownface

it's like every single celeb I grow attached to god's like nope that one is going to do or say something problematic (hey btw im not reassigning blame to god for stuff people have done out of their own free will, 'twas a joke)

AAAAAAAH them saying 'the deal is the deal' in the show even though they didn't have to but like they did and I love them for it

Inej literally not being able to not stare at Kaz's face and smile after this <3

'I didn't expect it to burn at all. But it can be destroyed in the end. Just like him' babe you're not wrong but like um just you wait

god Mal being on supportive boyfie mode is well, absolutely adorable, obviously, but I wish we got to see more of him as a person outside of his attachment to Alina

kaz my little demjin I wish you hadn't have had to suffer so much to meet the crows and find your calling

fastforwarding Zoya's arc is also an interesting choice to me

I wish the hug hadn't been done though, it didn't feel earned

maybe Alina awkwardly and half-heartedly (remember, at this point the alliance is fresh and they still don't entirely trust each other) reached for a hug and Zoya avoided her? and then the rest of Zoya's lines followed? that would have made more sense to me at least

I love Sujaya as well, she brought life into Zoya with whatever little screentime and scraps of writing she got

inej asking kaz 'what's your angle?' beep bop bleep morp I sense another incoming embarrassing love confession

'but we do need you' *stares at her face intensely* 'I need you' ah look at the clock, look's like it's time to screech and flap your arms like you're a volcra because you're incapable of containing your emotions

NO YOU CAN'T GO DIRECTLY FROM KANEJ PROGRESS TO HELNIK BREAKUP (TEMPORARY, MIND YOU)

helnik my loves you don't deserve this I'm so sorry for both of you

Matthias fucking smiling ruefully while he says 'this was... just a cruel joke all along' THIS IS NOT FUCKING OKAY

omg hellgate

AAAAAAAAH NINA IS ON THE SAME FRAME AS THE OG CROWS I CAN'T HANDLE THIS

CAMERA PAN FROM KAZ SAYING 'JUST HOW THIS ALL STARTED... WE'RE GONNA NEED A HEARTRENDED' TO NINA OVERHEARING HIM AND LOOKING OVER?????!!!!!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING THIS TO ME?!

Nina genuinely being curious as to the status of the sun saint because she obviously still cares

Also, 'But she is a Saint' okay Kaz trying to earn brownie points you have succeeded

DID THAT SAILOR JUST SAY 'GOED MORGEN FENTOMEN' TO MALINA BECAUSE I AM NOT OKAY WITH THEM JUST THROWING THAT IN MY FACE ALL OF A SUDDEN

gods I know I'll probably see them again but my heart is full of sorrow as my eyes drink in the sight of my crows for the last time for a while

I know people were annoyed at the meadow flashbacks but guess what? as a darklina, I loved them

'now that the Darkling is dead' could have phrased that a little differently my dudes that line needed to hold more weight

am I glad that they showed Darkles in this state with his nichevo'ya as a tasty little cliffhanger despite not being entirely true to the source material? maybe but only because Ben Barnes saying 'follow' and the nichevo'ya doing exactly so sent a chill down my spine

well, that's it for now, I'll have to move on I guess, get back to my real life which I'm obviously not ready to do

thank you to whoever actually read these things

I probably should have just made reactions or commentary videos instead but I'm lazy

my tumblr will probably go into inactivity once more as I emerge from my stint in the grishaverse

it was quite short (less than 2 months), considering the length of my other obsessions but it was definitely more intense than the other ones

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luvreyn · 4 years

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My Manhwa List (2020) Part 6

sHi! How arth thou? I’m back to give you another list of recommendation!

Beware of the Villainess

Description:

Sit back and take in this romantic tale of an angelic heroine and her devoted suitors as they vie for the depths of her love... or not. This story’s about to go through some edits! After an accident, a modern-day college student awakens as the story’s villainess, Melissa Foddebrat. She’s far from anyone’s favorite, but she IS the daughter of the duke. Determined to live it up, this new Melissa is doing things her way — antiquated society, be damned! All idiots, prepare to step aside or perish!

WHY YOU SHOULD READ:

- plot = 4.5/5

- art = 4.5/5

- C O M E D I C G O L D

- their meme-able face are so funny lmao

- ml is so cute & soft & deserves everything in the world

- mc is such a bad-ass like?? she’s so cool & she doesnt deserve to be treated less by that stupid prince ok

- she is beauty, she is grace, she is the queen!

- all i do is fangirl over the mc basically

- isekai

- i love her dynamic with her bro cause honestly same that’s how my sibs and are act sometimes lmao

- her maid is so cool

- a bad-ass with a heart

- ml has this past and secret and i’m living for it

- a gem basically

- overall verdict, a highly recommended manhwa that will make you all sort of emotions. one of the best manhwas released this 2020 ok i said what i said

I Became the Villain's Mother

Description:

Summoned into her favorite novel as the infamous Duchess Roselia Chade, Haena is bathed in riches, power, and a family of her own. Life couldn’t be better, save for the small detail that her beloved stepson, Einspanner Chade, is also the evil mastermind destined to kill her. At this point in the story Ein is still just an adorable child yet to reach his cruel awakening, and so Roselia is determined to stop him from becoming a ruthless killer. But with the duke getting in her way and trying to poison his own son, safely raising a child that was primed for villainy may prove harder than she originally thought. The survival of both mother and child depends on whether Roselia can successfully rewrite their tragic ending!

WHY YOU SHOULD READ:

- plot = 5/5 ok i’m loving it already despite the few chaps released

- art = 3/5

- IM LOVING THE TWIST

- this is an all out war between father & son ok

- ain is so cute like??

- i s e k a i

- ain is such a bad ass cute little devil

- i know i know i’m collecting so many isekai-ish manhwas bcoz why not

- i love the mc so much shes so adorable and her previous job is awesome (i know you dont care but i wanted to be a daycare teacher too when i was a kid so yay)

- she’s such an awesome mom like??

- the dad... the dad is idk but he’s a terrible dad for me (right now)

- ^ why is this like a discouragement comment like idek what i’m thinking yet i’m not gonna delete it

- i love that this is mostly a son-mom manhwa bcoz it’s such a breath of fresh air and not to mention almost all dad-daughters manhwa are hurting me

- i’m here for the mom and son interactions basically

- overall verdict, a highly recommended manhwas for our souls!

Marked By King Bs

Description:

High school is hard enough without a target on your back, but that’s exactly the situation Annie finds herself in when she crosses a group of the most popular kids in school. Marked by the king bee himself, the notorious Ashton Griffin, Annie becomes his newest fixation--and he is determined to make her life miserable. Now at his beck and call, Annie must stay on Ashton’s good side to maintain her peaceful life and avoid becoming a social pariah. As she navigates her way through alienating social cliques, persistent old crushes, and the hot upstairs neighbor who never puts a shirt on, Annie will soon learn that there’s more to being popular than meets the eye. She just wanted to live a normal life, but maybe there’s no escaping these king bees. An official comic adaptation based on the hit dating-sim game. I AM TARGETED BY THEM!!!

WHY YOU SHOULD READ:

- plot = 3/5

- ngl but i can already feel the slight cliche-ness of this story and yet i’m still here forgive me this is a guilty pleasure manhwa

- art = 4/5

- i love the mc (yes, that quickly)

- dark haired boyo is mine ok??

- kinda funny

- i miss the school life setting so hihihi

- verdict, a cute and good read!

Pixel of Life

Description:

After finding out her boyfriend has been cheating with her boss, Hana loses her menial desk job of 5 years. Countless rejections later, she finally lands an interview at a small art gallery. Hana jumps at the chance to leave the drama of the past few months behind. But her high school friend (and worst enemy) Jiyeon is the gallery owner? Their most peculiar romance is about to begin… or not?!

WHY YOU SHOULD READ:

- o m g

- plot =4/5 this deserves more read tbh

- art = 4/5

- i’m starting to relate to mc since i started working cause #adultingsucks

- one of my dream jobs huhuhu

- i so love the twist

- the s i b l i n g s

- i wanna know what happens next!!!

- s u s p e n s e

- mix with mystery and spinkle with secrets and viola i present to you: the pixel of life

- verdict, a super good read!

The Antagonist’s Pet

Description:

Blessed with the face of an angel, young Sasha Tartt knows a life-altering secret: in this romance novel where she’s just a side character, she’s the only one who knows the true ending! When the antagonist of the story takes a particular liking to her, she must make a decision: help the clever and beautiful Rebecca find a happy ending, or side with the sweet-natured protagonist to ensure her own survival? On top of that, Sasha has to juggle the affections of her bespectacled love interest and tame a dragon boy! Can Sasha learn new tricks to win the hearts of these main characters? Based on the hit novel.

WHY YOU SHOULD READ:

- plot = 4/5 so few chaps yet so good

- art = 3/5

- i so love that she acts dumb when she’s not cause i love scheming characters

- W O M E N E M P O W E R M E N T

- who run the world? girls!

- i love that she loves the villain cause girl same

- idec whether there’s an ml or not cause we stay for their future bond

- she is beauty, she is grace, she’s the villainess pet

- ^ it sounds better in my head

- verdict, a refreshing manhwa that will leave you wanting for moreee!

#The Pet of The Villainess #beware of the villainess #pixel of life #i become the villain's mother #when you're been targetted by the bully #manhwa #manhwa recommendation #marked by king bs #The Antagonist’s Pet #reynlist #reyn.manhwarecs

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trippin-over-my-fandoms · 3 years

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Let it slip in the @rdrsafehaven discord about my street kid Arthur headcanon, got approval from one (1) person and then this was born (as if I hadn’t already kinda alluded to that in Monsters I’ve Met) so @danger-r-98-5 this is your fault.

Wrote this on my phone in the tumblr app so pls forgive any mistakes.

The Absence of Kindness

Arthur’s life had always been hard. This fact was no less true the day Lyle Morgan had been convicted of his crimes. He was on his own beginning with the days he sat outside the sheriff’s office awaiting his father’s demise, having no mother to turn to as he had lost her years ago. Though, it didn’t feel real until he saw him up on the wooden stand, being tried for the crime of larceny. Until that very morning his father had at least been in a cell just a brick wall away, even if the sheriff wouldn’t let him in to see him.

And he’d been scared before but never as much as he had been that morning as the offenses were read off to the crowd; robbing the bank and making off with five-hundred dollars until caught in the next town over with just over half the money remaining. They were the only crimes this town knew off and Arthur wondered if they would have hung him sooner if they knew of the men he’d killed and how the money had been spent on drink instead of food for his son. And despite the fact of all the horrible things the his father had ever done to him, no matter how many nights he had spent hiding from him when he was drunk or the mornings when he was drug from town to town, or the endless weeks spent with strangers who didn’t care for him, Arthur still feels like crying when he sees him hung. He knows his father is dead and he’s left an orphan, truly and completely alone. He understands that from that moment on he has to be a man if he’s to take care of himself, even if eleven years old is a far cry from the age of manhood.

With his father’s hat too big on his head and a couple of photos tucked into the pocket of the thin coat falling apart at the seems, he’s left to the streets of the town his father had been hung in.

Every single moment was horrible. The days were long and cruel in ways he never could have imagined. Most adults had seen him at the trial and knew he was Lyle Morgan’s child. No matter how pathetic he looked no one trusted him, they expected he’d be a thief just like his father. He didn’t want to be but their lack of pity forced him into it as he wanted nothing more than to live long enough to see the next sunrise.

The nights were almost worse. Darker and colder than he had remembered them being when his father was alive. He’d hide wherever he could from the nightlife who’d prey on easy targets like him. On the nights he was separated from the other stray children who called the town home, he’d cry and pray to the god his mother had believed in, and maybe he did once too, wishing the next day would be better, holding onto the memory of the kindness he’d been shown the day his father got too drunk and a bartender had lead him out the back to play with his dog’s puppies so he wouldn’t see when the law had shown up and thrown his father out.

Arthur didn’t know real kindness again until he was fifteen. Sure, there had been people who tossed a dollar his way or vendors who turned a blind eye when he swiped from their stalls, but it wasn’t the same as this.

He’s taller than he had been when he was eleven though still just as thin and just as frail. Except unlike then he was now more wild. He had to be. As he grew older he was more competition for the others he shared the streets with. The other kids weren’t really friends with him, they weren’t better than the skinny mutts that slept with them at night the way they fought over food and money, the older ones robbing each other blind if they had to. It was like when he turned thirteen the unspoken rule about not going after kids that young was off. So Arthur had learned how to fight, how to kick hard, how to throw a punch that counted, and how to wiggle free of the tight holds of lawmen who tried to intervene.

He’d begun to give up kindness when a sheriff promises to trial him the same as an adult when he’s cut loose from jail after one too many times. He stops trusting anyone afterward and it causes him to build up enough of a tough skin that he constantly watches his back, dark circles appearing under his eyes from light sleep from being afraid he’d be caught when he slept. He doesn’t believe in anything by then. But there’s a man and his parter in fancy clothes who won’t leave him alone until he decides to take the offer and travel with them. Even if it takes months until their kindness sets in and he realizes he can finally sleep without fear. It’s for the first time he’s not so concerned with being a man until he really is of the standard age. All because of Dutch van der Linde and Hosea Matthews make him feel safe for the first time since his mother died.

Arthur hadn’t been shown much kindness as a child and he’s reminded of that whenever he walks the streets of Saint Denis. Even if the city is much bigger than the town he’d fought to survive in, it’s a painful reminder all the same. And no matter how annoying the city’s brats are, they too serve as a reminder of where he came from. He sees them and he knows the fear that hides under the tough exterior they put up, knows that despite their height and scowling faces that they’re still scared children underneath, fighting for their lives at too young and barely making it. They may leer at him from the safety of their ally ways but as he returns the teasing with a harmless one of his own, he drops a few dollars and moves on down the street as if nothing happened. He won’t even look back to make sure they’ve gotten it, knowing that the kind of pride they hold at that age doesn’t respond well to pity. But he doesn’t have to. He knows they pick it up after he leaves when there’s more of them huddled together, young ones peaking at him expectantly with big puppy dog eyes from where they hide behind the taller ones. It’s the only time it’s not hard for him to let go of some money, even if he knows if Dutch ever found out he’d lecture him on how they need it to get out of the country and yet there he was pissing it away on street rats. Except he wasn’t, and Dutch would never know. They’d lived their lives, had grand adventures for decades, these children still had futures. Arthur would never tell anyone but he knew the fear of an orphan left to the streets and he wanted for as many of them as possible to live to be able to see as many sunrises as possible.

- - -

wrote this last night, left it in the drafts, it is now the next afternoon and idk if i really like it that much but im just gonna post it anyway. also- kinda went rogue from my original concept in the story i linked above but really if i didn’t i would have ended up with the same idea just longer and more in depth and i would have had to go back and add it in somehow. or i would have ended up rewriting it because in that story arthur does move around as opposed to this where he doesn’t.

oh well- here it is anyway.

#rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan #dutch van der linde #hosea matthews #fanfic #sorta

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littlx-songbxrd · 3 years

Note

43: What is the DND alignment?

50: How does your sleep at night? Are they a heavy or light sleeper? Do they dream or have nightmares? Do they find it easy to sleep or are they more a night owl?

For the ocs ask game?

Im not sure about all these and im not actually sure cause i googled it 10 minutes ago but

43.

Callie: chaotic good

Elizabeth: true neutral

Manuel: Lawful good

Aishah: neutral good

Nairne: chaotic neutral

50.

Callie: JAJAJAJA HAS NOT HAD A GOODNIGHTS SLEEP IN YEARS. I dont think she even believes it possible that she can sleep correctly. She dreams, a lot, hasnt been able to fall asleep without dreaming since she was a kid. Callie doesnt recall ever not going to sleep without seeing some kind of very vivid dream, almost as if it were a memory. Some are nice, some are horrifying and have made her not wanna close her eyes for weeks. But the point is Callie doesnt sleep, she rest dreaming. Shes a heavy sleeper only because its hard to pull her out of dreams. Night owl because of this. Has been extremly sleep deprived the past few months get her a sleeping schedule pls.

Eliza: Shes a book nerd, she invented staying up late with a good book and a flashlight so your parents dont notice you were reading at late hours. Doesnt go to the extremes if shes tired, mostly will go to sleep around 11:00-12:00am. Will never go past 12:00am unless shes like, doing smth important. A resonable person when it comes to sleeping decisions, wakes up at an appropriate hour. Has she pulled all nighters? Sure, but its not a constant thing. She used to be a decent sleeper but after a certain event, very light sleeper. You can wake her up and shes able to keep going in less than a second. Its almost magic. Rarely dreams, hasnt had an actual dream in years. Althought nightmares are another case entirely

Manuel: you can text him at 1am and he is gonna reply, you can text him at 5am and he will reply. Is he just waking up? Is he just going asleep now??? No one knows. Emmanuel is a magical being. His sleeping schedule varies between the day. There are moments he stays awake for 48 hours and then collapses and sleeps for an entire day. 8 hours of sleep?? Nah he either sleep 2 or 24 NOTHING in between. Hes extremly productive during those hours thought I'll give it to him. Doesnt have a sleep schedule, his sister scolds him for it while staying up with him. Running on café yaucono and a lot of unhinged energy he shouldnt be having at 6 in the fucking morning. The time he sleeps hes a heavy sleeper, there is NO waking him up. Also doesmt have many dreams or nightmared in general unless hes really stressed

He just *sleeps*

Also snores

A lot

Aishah: the only resonable human here, she needs her sleep. Aishahs buisness hours run from 9am-10pm anything after that you have to solve on your own she is gonna go rest and have a good nights sleep. Latest shes up at would be 11pm, she values herself and her rest. Wouldnt call her a light sleeper, but definetly not a heavy sleeper. If smth were to happen shed be easy enough to wake up and get in relative action. The reason she goes to sleep so early is cause she likes waking up early, so many people value the night its become much to crowded, but the mornings are hers alone. Most people sleep through the hours she wakes up and gets to have her alone time, and she values that a lot. She also loves sunrises so sometimes she wakes up earlier than needed just to see them. Has a regular amount of dreams, most of them are just nonesense really

Nairne: time is a social construct i sleep when my body screams at me to do it. Has lost the sense of time, doesnt understand how time works so simply when her eyes shut THATS the time she sleeps. Sleeping schedule???? We dont know her. We never knew her. I think she survives more through naps than through actual sleep. Algebra class?? Quick power nap cause at 2am she has an appintment with a 5 hour video on youtube about top ten creepiest things in the sea. When she does sleep she does have a lot of heavy dreams, almost like shes living things again thought shes not sure how to describe it. Isnt a very heavy sleeper.

Thank you for the ask!

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animeloversworldsblog · 4 years

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Ok im tired of all this things so im gonna started

Guren ichinose is a child, an innocent child, how he should be at his age, well knows from all hiragis and the rest of the houses. So mahiru knew well who he was at the age of 5, she went for him for one reason: make his father angry because he killed her mother, she was right to get angry? Yes she was, but that give you the right to goes after a kid where his family were dealing with their garbage for 500 years? No, of course not. And is not just that, she analyzed him and observed him, she ordered him to do whatever she wanted it, she observed his personality and even used him to become strong to be free of her family, and it didn't matter if that was him or other boy. She left that her family interrogate guren and his family bcs she was going to see him. If she was a sweet innocent girl why she let her family tortured them, she always run away bcs nothing was more important than her. She even say that she hate hiragi family bcs her mother was killed so she wanna go after what hiragis hate the most. So sweet and innocent never was. She even called guren and his family ichinose trash. She needed guren to fall for her first yet she ending up falling for him (with actually never was, she just need a tool) .Being the manipulative person she is , mahiru used all the pawns ( which is her own family guren and his friends) to complete her plans.People may say that she had goals and ambitions but there are ways you can do things and she completely went of the rail and lost her damn mind. Mahiru only goal in life was to use guren as her puppet and make him feel the pain she feels which is loneliness, and guren being a "perfect" target cause nobody respected or like him so he was the perfect lab rat / pawn / victim for her. Misery loves company and unfortunately guren was chosen.

So her personality was selfish since child, if you are angry because you have an abusive and shitty father don’t go and screw a little kid for your own selfish reasons, why goes from him in the first place? Because she saw him just like the rest of her family, rat ichinose, scum ichinose. So since child wasn’t different from her family was the same, Because from hiragis and the rest of the houses is better screw a family for unreasonable ridiculous hatred to proof that “because I have power or I belong to a powerful family I’m going to show you I can do whatever I want with you” even guren said it that he learned he don’t have to defy hiragi house because they can smash people however they want. But then again, if she grow up in a cruel environment what make her the right to do whatever she wants with people bcs she was suffering? What make her less cruel that the rest of her family? She become in the same as them bcs power was all to them. Even she want to get free of her destiny why screw everybody life on the process?. We forget that she wants guren just to be free and ask him kill all his family and friends? She wants to fulfill her wishes even if that meant hurt someone on the process.

Shinya well people think that hate her is bcs she rejected shinya and wasn’t want to be with him, that is so wrong. She wasn’t suffering any pain, she has 10, and she was treated normal even if she grow up around an abusive and cruel family, but shinya? He was yet another child that suffered at the hand of another form of child abuse. Maybe he also force himself to like/love mahiru because he life was on the line ... what people may not realize or care about is that when your life is on the line alot of the enemies words or ideas start to make since after a while. Shinya was a child that wanted a true family but ended up the joke of the family (so it's a mixture of what he wanted for the family aspect but got treated like the family pet). I'm pretty sure of shinya had the option to choose what he wanted he would never go with the hiragis.. his morals and standards are way to high he wouldn't lower himself to thier level. She was selfish, egotistical and treated shinya like garbage acting like a good girl yet she felt disgusting about him. More she goes to meet him just to tell him back off, more of that she not even care about a lot of kids being death, she doesn't love him? Good, she hasn't to accept him? Good. Yet, why do you think not be able to love someone is the worst thing that can happened to you? She did lose something? Yes her mother, but even so She is suffering any pain? She was lock up and mentally abused? No at all. She even is disgusting bcs shinya treat her nice and hate people prize her yet she prize herself. And who are you to obligated to a boy that you even met a few months and not even seeing him for over 10 years to love you? (She force guren to like her) She pretend to be nice with shinya and then making him fight after all what he through like if his effort would mean nothing. She is rotten since the beginning so don't give me with the crap that the demons influence her. We forget about shinya . Can we compare him here with her? Yes a lot, she was lonely so she hasn't other choices to became a demon why? Shinya was sold for his parents, was in a cage with 5 damn years old killing others kid, killing each others, can we talk about how many kids here lost everything and died like if they were an old object disposable garbage. And shinya lost his childhood. And was COMPLETELY LONELY. Yet he still grow up around hiragi family and try to be a normal kid surviving. Now her grow up around the family and even with just 5 had bad intentions with people that she not even know like guren? Being lonely doesn't became you an a monster are your action what define you. That thing you don't have anything so you just don't have a choice to became a demon is pure garbage, bcs if that would be the case every person in ons world that are lonely could be a monster and is not the case much people grow up to became better. Look kids that grow up without parents, lonely around even parents that destroyed their life. And fight and try harder to became in good persons. If you think this girl hasn't choices BCS BORN WITH A DEMON that is wrong and see what is being a lonely child with problems and not have anybody that care or love you. Even shinya could became in a monster but he didn't he choose to be the way he is,( even guren could became in a monster bcs has saito blood, demon noya, and mahiru who possess him) even could be kill in any moment from hiragi family and shinya knew it and could follow them and even so he didn't . She CHOOSE her own path for her own egoistic value point of view of life (as much as her family) , don't give me with the "thing" she hasn't other option to became in demon that is crap We all have our own behavior, unequivocal, not susceptible, nor vulnerable, even if it is the most submissive person in the world, nobody forces anything to anyone. About Shinoa that she did care for her and did all what she could to protect her.. Then why she wants just go away with the "love of her life" and abandoned her sister, why let her alone, why used her like messenger, why let kureto tortured her? Why took her demon for power. She saw shinoa like a tool more on her plans, not bcs she care about, she even on manga wants shinoa became like her. She used shinoa as a shield to make atrocities with a lot of people. And that is care for shinoa? Saying she did all for shinoa when since child was already greedy as much at her family? She not even see values in others people life. So my point is that demon thing about her bcs born with one ok valid but that make her a good girl when since child has evil intentions? And even if she was possess when she had menstruation still was able to do things for her own free will she wasn't possess all the time she was conscious majority of the time( actually was conscious using the demon) and use her demons when she need it bcs if the case is her influence and possession then the same is with guren he was able to not let possess he fight against that all the time and more he hate that part but she? In novel when she shows that she care about others? That doesn't want to kill? And cry for herself not for hurt or kill others. She goes with the aren't other choices. Lies there are manys ways to do things. She even say that life is useless so she doesn't give a crap about other people life. She wants to be a normal girl. Valid. But that give you the right bcs there aren't other choices to make genocide and don't give a crap about others life. Everybody wants a normal life in novel. Everyone. Even guren, even shinya but they did all what she did bcs there wasn't other choices? Even if she was a victim from her family. Why for 1200 years they enjoyed have power more than anything? Why bcs were manipulated from shikamadoiji? shijamadouji put their personalitys there? Is they want to get out of this bastard who controlled them why enjoy so much what his creator give them? Even if they were created to be used they love the power that someone else offer to them. They wants to be the kings or queens from the world. They have the hiragi pride. So how these people is victim when for years make so many genocide bcs love power more than anything. Guren, even if his destiny was mark, even has the blood of a crap bastard like saito, always fight against all of that, he didn't want any of this.(and you can see guren in novel and manga how much guilt and remorse feels and even is willing to let anybody kill him for his acts). Now her destiny was mark and a victim? Good, valid, but in the end choose that bcs she want it that way all the time. she is not a victim much less her family they choose follow the same path as his creator. We forget that kureto wants world dominations actually? We forget that she doesn't give a crap about the world? what about people they killed bcs is necessary for humankind? (Even guren on manga cried after what happened on nagoya that was mahiru plans and she did not care) She wants that guren became exactly like her and he still having 24 is fighting and feel guilt about all what is happening but she? Even being posses, when she feel remorse about what she was doing? Kureto don't feel remorse for what he is doing. Her family never feel remorse for what they did. Guren does all the time, he is scared.

People choose to be what they want to be regardless of where they come from .. people aren't forced to be nice or mean or evil .. they choose that path and will continue to walk it .. for those people who chose to walk the path of destruction with end with destruction until something in them changes but how often does that happen ... most people who has an impure heart tends to blame others around them then themselves cause its easier...people with shitty / horrible attitude tend to treat other people bad casue that's the way they are treated but with these people (mahiru and her family) who we are talking about is completely... she is evil from and already had a motive so she's completely out the question for any ethically or logical reasoning.

She is not a savoir. Kureto, mahiru and their family don't feel nothing about kill people even if they get free that still going to be the same kill people and had them under their control, even if they kill the bastard shikamadouji you think they gonna became good like if shikamadouji would put their personality there? They still gonna make whatever they want with the world and people, shikamadoji is a monster a supernatural piece of crap but is ridiculous think that mahiru or even kureto care for humanity even so guren still be an slave and everybody else. Shikamadouji is a horrible bastard selfish, egoist, monster but hiragis are equal as him. And even if she was alive and eliminate shikamadouji ( that is what she wants) she would be a good innocent girl that could be free having "what she loved the most" that was guren all for herself? . Do you think even so, she would let guren had friends and subordinates? When in novel she wants guren elimated all his family and friends. The only thing she wants from guren was that could make her free. She even said that if it wasn't bcs he is strong she would lost interest in him. Why kagami is saying that is not good or bad characters? Nonsense. Shikamadoji, Hiragis and mostly of vampires, even without shikamadouji would be the most horrible humans and monster that could exist. Guren shows that he don't want any of what is happening and WANTS TO SAVE THE DAMN WORLD (yet he has to do it even he is scared bcs mahiru have him as prisoner and his family as hostages) kureto didn't care, much less her sister wouldn't care. Not shikamadoji. Not vampires. Not even hiragi family care. Mahiru, the human mahiru is as much as worse as her with demons and being a vampire all was her own free will, the same goes for her family. Shikamadouji is a shitty bastars that screw everybody life for pure egoist, selfish desire but they choose to follow their own selfish desires as much as his creator. We forget how hiragis use the word LOVE to control other people, and how see love like lust to gain power?

Victims here are all the people that shikamadouji, hiragis and vampires used, manipulate and killed over so many years to gain more and more power. even if "they were created to be used Aren't victims not even mahiru, kureto, tenri and sheishiro hiragi. They aren't saviors they just want to be free of their creator and even so they still would be the same shit as shikamadouji .

Selfish people often mistakes selfishness for strength. It takes no talent. No intelligence. No self- control.and no effort to sacrifice other people for their ego. The egoist is Fooled by no ideals. They discard them or used them as may suit their own interest. You can never force someone to change. Everyone is how they want to be, act as they want to act, lose what they want to lose.

Guren ichinose is a good man, with so many flaws, and mistakes yet always is questionable about his actions but shitty characters like mahiru, tenri, kureto, shikamadoji, vampires, etc are not? Guren as much as shinya were victims from the same monster: mahiru. Shikamadoji. Hiragis. Bcs that is what they are. All of them are pure egoist, selfish and don't give a crap about the world or other people just about their own interest. Guren is trying to save the world he care about people and feel guilt, remorse, pain and suffering yet he has to deal with their shit bcs they are not to blame bcs were created for shikamadoji, i mean yeah this bastard is the worst but the rest are the same crap bcs always gonna blame others instead of themself how much hipocrasy they can show.? Even kagami trying to say on manga that hiragis are all good over the years and they are poor victims which is not. They have not redemtion bcs there isn't to any of them bcs shikamadoji is the big master. And where is the redemption? When even IF THIS BASTARD DIE, NOT HIRAGIS, NOT VAMPIRES, NOT GONNA CARE ABOUT A SINGLE LIFE THAT IT WASN'T THEMSELF. where is the people that suffered for them for all over the years, now bcs mahiru protect shinoa( wich is a lie bcs was other pawn) is a victim? Kureto and tenri are? Guren is the only character that is trying to save the world even shinya wants to help. The rest are fighting for their onw selfishness but oh guren is a bastard that deserve to die. Which in reality The world would be better without hiragis, guren would be dealing with so many crap if it wasn't for the monster of mahiru. So every character is good except if it is guren and shinya right?

#guren ichinose #shinya hiragi #shinoa hiragi #mahiru hiragi #this was so long #i wanna say this for so long #im tired about all this

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no6secretsanta · 3 years

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Erlkönig

To: @happykawaiicinnamonroll From: @hi-im-secretly-satan

You asked for an angst fic, suggested getting sick and dying, so I delivered on both accounts! ;) It’s based on the German poem Erlkönig by Goethe, translated by Christopher Middelton. It was also turned into a Lied by Schubert. I highly recommend listening to it before reading this fic. I hope you enjoy and happy holidays! <3

Warnings: Major character death

—

“Shion, what’s that on your hands?”

Nezumi frantically ran through the chain of events that had resulted in him and Rikiga trying to wrestle a delirious Shion into the car, Inukashi anxiously tapping their foot behind them. When had things gone so wrong? He had only just saved Shion from being carried off to the Correctional Facility, a certain death sentence. Deeming themselves safe, they had freshened themselves up after the harrowing ordeal of escaping and Shion had been going on and on about his mother and strange deaths. At the time Nezumi had no clue what Shion was talking about, but now he berated himself for dismissing his words, for just as soon as he had waved him off, Shion became a victim himself. Shion had barely managed to escape from the terror that was No.6, only for another disaster to strike.

The parasite wasp.

In the moment Nezumi had briefly been grateful he had taken (stolen?) the first aid kit when he had quietly fled Shion’s house in the Cronos district, all those years ago. Now he cursed himself for not having made sure the equipment was sterile.

“How is he?”

Nezumi glanced up, catching Rikiga’s worried eyes in the rearview mirror before turning his attention back to Shion, lying curled up in the backseat with him, head resting in his lap. Shion’s breathing came erratically, fingers weakly clutching the torn and dirty fabric of Nezumi’s trousers, face screwed up in a pained grimace. Nezumi’s eyes fell from Shion’s pale face to the bandages wrapped around Shion’s neck, stained green and yellow with oozing pus, filling the car with a wretched smell. Merely a few short weeks ago he had yelled at Shion, a scalpel in his hand, demanding he live. But instead, Nezumi had unknowingly become the cause of his potential death. If the situation weren’t so dire, he’d laugh. Instead, he met Rikiga’s eyes again, and shook his head quickly, jaw clenched tight. Shion was dying, and it was his fault.

But he would not give up yet. They were going to smuggle Shion into No.6 and find a hospital to treat him. Shion had told them where to find one, directions wheezed through waves of pain. No matter the odds, they would succeed in this ridiculous, desperate plan. Shion would live, he would make sure of that. He refused to think of Shion dying, or how to go on living without him. He wasn’t sure he could.

“Nezumi…?”

Nezumi snapped to attention at the sound of Shion’s broken voice, barely audible over the loud car engine. “I’m here, Shion.” He brushed a few strands of tangled hair out of Shion’s face. His beautiful, white, almost translucent hair. Shion shivered but Nezumi doubted it was because of his touch.

“It hurts,” Shion moaned. Sweat beaded on his forehead and he hissed when a bump in the road jostled him and aggravated his already dreadful wound. “I don’t want to die. I… Nezumi, I want to live…” He weakly raised his hand and Nezumi immediately took it into his own.

“You’re gonna live,” Nezumi pressed, eyes locked determinedly with Shion’s. “You’ve survived this long, telling me how to take care of your wound for weeks. In No.6 they’ll be able to help you. You’re gonna make it.” He squeezed Shion’s hand reassuringly.

Shion shut his eyes and shook his head. “Sepsis and severe sepsis can last weeks but-”, a shudder ran through him and cut him off, “…but septic shock is quick and has- has a high mortality rate-”

“Shion.”

At his tone, Shion opened his eyes again and slightly turned his head to look hazily up at Nezumi.

Nezumi waited until he had Shion’s full attention. “You’re gonna live, you hear me? You can’t give up now. You still have so much to live for. I told you before, you still don’t know anything about sex, or books, or fighting. Do you really want to throw in the towel now?” Without realising, his voice had risen and he was nearly shouting. The mice which had been nestled silently in his scarf squeaked softly.

Shion stared up at him for a moment, before breaking out into a faint smile, eyes wet. “Yeah… Yeah, you’re right. I’m gonna make it.” A tear rolled down his cheek. Nezumi reached out to wipe it away. “Thank you, Nezumi.”

“Don’t thank me yet, just stay alive.”

Shion nodded and relaxed back into Nezumi’s lap, the corners of his lips still lifted in a soft smile. Unfortunately that smile warped into a grimace much too quickly. Shion moaned and curled up a little more, pulling his knees as far into his chest as the backseat would allow. Desperation seized Nezumi’s heart. Shion had saved him four years ago, he still hadn’t repaid that debt. He couldn’t let him die. He wracked his mind, trying to think of something, anything he could do to help, to ease Shion’s suffering.

There was one thing that came to mind, but Nezumi hesitated. It was a last resort, meant to ensure a peaceful, quiet death, but maybe, just maybe he could soothe Shion’s pain just long enough until they arrived at the hospital. Shion moaned again, fragile and broken, and the sound cut deep into his heart.

So Nezumi took a deep breath and sang.

It was soft, hardly louder than a whisper, but it seemed to resonate through the car. Inukashi, who had been barking orders at Rikiga from the passenger’s seat, fell quiet and turned to stare, dark eyes wide and knowing. Nezumi ignored them and kept all of his attention on the boy in his lap who had frozen and was now staring up at him with big eyes. For once Nezumi was glad that Shion knew nothing of literature, culture, or foreign languages, for if he’d understood the lyrics, he was sure he would never be forgiven.

“Who rides by the night in the wind so wild? It is the father, with his child. The boy is safe in his father’s arm. He holds him tight, he keeps him warm.”

Shion closed his eyes and a bit of the tension seemed to flow out of his body. Nezumi inwardly sighed in relief, too preoccupied to remember how Granny would berate him for doing so. He glanced out of the window and saw the gate fast approaching, so he tugged on the scarf around his neck and pulled it up to hide his face. The mice chittered and ran down his arms to hide in his pockets instead. The car came to a halt and Rikiga leaned out of the window towards the guard, murmuring quietly and urgently before handing over a thick wad of cash- a bribe both to let them in, and to forget they’d been there. Nezumi listened closely and mentally thanked whoever was out there when the car rolled forward again, passing unhindered through the gate and quickly picking up speed, desperate to reach the hospital as soon as possible.

“My son, what is it, why cover your face? Father, you see him, there in that place, The elfin king with his cloak and crown? It is only the mist rising up, my son.”

Unwinding his scarf from around his head, Nezumi gently covered Shion’s shivering body with the special fibre cloth. He remembered seeing this song performed in the dingy theater once, before he had joined the cast. A traveling singer and pianist duo had attempted to visit No.6 but were mercilessly cast out, so they had turned to wandering the West Block, trying to make some money at the rundown theater before moving on again. He hadn’t understood the meaning or language of the song then, only remembered the shivers that inexplicably had run down his spine and the strange, curling tension in the darkened corners of the room, until one day he stumbled across the poem in one of the books in the vault and finally understood.

In Nezumi’s lap, Shion stirred and burrowed under the blanket, grateful for the warmth despite his body heating up steadily.

““Dear little child, will you come with me? Beautiful games I’ll play with thee; Bright are the flowers we’ll find on the shore, My mother has golden robes fullscore.””

“Mum…” Shion murmured, weakly pushing away from Nezumi and raising his head, glazed eyes darting around, searching. “Where are you, mum…?” Nezumi swallowed, pausing his singing to wipe fresh tears from Shion’s face. “You’ll see her soon,” he promised quietly. He wasn’t sure if he could follow through on it. He had to believe.

“Father, O father, and did you not hear What the elfin king breathed into my ear?”

Shion shook his head insistently, gasping as the movement pulled at the weeping wound in his neck and sent pain shooting through his spine, setting his entire body aflame. “No, no, I want my mum,” he babbled. He tried to push himself up, trembling and weak, into a sitting position- but his arms lacked the strength to hold his own weight and he collapsed back into Nezumi’s lap, sobbing softly.

“Lie quiet, my child, now never you mind: Dry leaves it was that click in the wind.”

“Hush now,” Nezumi murmured in the most soothing voice he could muster, softly running a shaking hand through Shion’s hair. His vision became foggy and he blinked away the tears. “Be a good boy now and you’ll see her soon.” In the front seat Rikiga and Inukashi shared an anxious look.

““Come along now, you’re a fine little lad, My daughters will serve you, see you are glad; My daughters dance all night in a ring, They’ll cradle and dance you and lullaby sing, They’ll cradle and dance you and lullaby sing.””

Shion nodded quietly and obediently settled down, face still wet with tears but no longer weeping. He seemed to be at peace for a few moments, but then his eyes widened again and his breathing quickened. “Nezumi…”

Nezumi’s heart lurched at the sudden lucidity and he held his breath. “I’m here, Shion.”

Shion shook his head and shrunk away from him. “No… No, you’re not Nezumi… I-I need to see him…”

“Shion-”

“I need to know he’s safe…” Shion’s eyes darted around frantically. “He left so suddenly, I must see him again-”

Realisation dawned on Nezumi and when it sank in, it knocked all the wind from his lungs. Of course Shion wouldn’t recognise him; he was four years older now. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a shuddering breath, trying to stop the tears from spilling. There was nothing he could say to reassure Shion anymore. He was too far gone. Even if they reached the hospital, they probably couldn’t help him anymore. So he gathered all his courage, every ounce buried in his soul, and pushed it into the song, hoping it could help carry off Shion’s soul in peace, like it had done for countless others before him.

“Father, now look, in the gloom, do you see The elfin daughters beckon to me?”

Shion paused his desperate searching and looked at Nezumi like he saw him for the first time, watching him with childlike wonder. “You have a beautiful voice,” he murmured. He studied Nezumi’s face and smiled. “And your eyes… they’re just as grey…”

“My son, my son, I see it and say: Those old willows, they look so grey.”

Nezumi returned his smile in a way he hoped was reassuring and combed his fingers through Shion’s damp hair. Shion’s eyes fell shut and he sighed, a wisp of a sound.

““I love you, beguiled by your beauty I am, If you are unwilling I’ll force you to come!””

“Sir…” Shion said quietly and Nezumi’s heart fell into pieces. “If you ever find Nezumi, could you please tell him “thank you”? And that I miss him very much?”

“Father, his fingers grip me, O The elfin king has hurt me so!”

“And my mum, too. Promise me.”

Nezumi swallowed painfully and nodded, not daring to stop singing out of fear it would shatter the tentative calm that had washed over Shion.

Outside the car, the scenery rushed by, lush forests and bustling wildlife, carefully maintained by the City Hall, blurred by the speed of the car as Rikiga pressed harder down on the gas.

“Now struck with horror the father rides fast,”

“There’s the tree Shion mentioned!” Inukashi yelled, pointing ahead of them at a gnarled old oak tree. “Floor it, old man!!”

“If I go any faster we’ll all die before we can even get there!” Rikiga snapped in return.

“His gasping child in his arm to the last,”

“Please, sir, promise me…!” Shion begged, hazy eyes fixed unerringly on Nezumi’s own.

“Home through the thick and thin he sped:”

The trees parted to reveal the tiny hospital, a white and pure beacon of hope in the dark. Nezumi’s heart skipped a beat at the sight, but any and all hope that still lingered was crushed immediately after; wrapped in his arms, Shion took a ragged breath, spasmed once, twice, then fell limp, his blank eyes still staring up at Nezumi. Gravel sprayed under the wheels as the car swerved erratically into the parking lot and jerked into an abrupt halt. Seconds later the doors were yanked open and Nezumi heard someone yell something, but it didn’t register. He couldn’t move, frozen and staring unseeing at the boy in his arms, unable, unwilling to believe what his eyes and ears were telling him. A tear dripped down his cheek, followed by another, and another, falling like rain against Shion’s lifeless form. Nezumi’s mouth moved silently, voice trapped behind the gasping sobs threatening to choke him, leaving the last line to hang unsung, oppressive in the heavy air:

(Locked in his arms, the child was dead.)

#no6 #no.6 #no 6 #no. 6 #fanfiction #angst #major character death #hi-im-secretly-satan #hi im secretly satan #happykawaiicinnamonroll #submission

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blue-maiden4 · 4 years

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Together Forever and Growing Pains

I'M IN LEGIT PAIN RIGHT NOW.

MY POOR BOY 😭😭

Anyways I'm gonna leave my thoughts on these episodes down here so spoilers right ahead:

-First of all: Ruby, Sapphire I know you tried to help, but dear Arceus proposing at the age of 16 IS NOT A GOOD IDEA AT ALL.

-Can we appreciate how handsome Steven looks on that shirt and suit? Damn he looks good on it 👀 (If he weren’t a minor I would marry him, but my heart already belongs to Leon so nevermind, pretend I said nothing)

-Rather than saying a straight 'no', Connie said 'not now', AND HONESTLY THAT'S SO SWEET AND IM DYING. And Steven's heartbroken face DESTROYED ME. I've never experienced such feeling but I can imagine how much it hurts. I really appreciate how Connie handled the situation in such a mature way, like she wanted to talk out things first and such. She is without a doubt Steven's soul mate ❤️.

-Watching Steven just laying on the sand while crying broke my heart in a million pieces, I felt your pain Steven, and it sucks that you have to go through this when you’re dealing with some heavy issues right now.💔

-"There isn't a future where you didn't proposed" I'm double dead now, the fact that no matter which time line they're on, Steven would propose to Connie. My heart 😭.

-Also I've seen some people asking why Steven is so worried of Connie leaving, like, he can just go visit her with Lion's help, but remember he can do the same with Lars and he acted the same way, so despite being able to visit them, the whole feeling that he's getting left behind is what is triggering these kind of reaction (or at least that's what I think).

-And remember, no matter how much you love a person, do not propose to them at the age of 16 (sorry I had to this xd)

Okay now moving onto Growing Pains aka the episode that destroyed me physically and emotionally:

-BOI Where do I even start with this one? Okay first, seeing Steven all depressed over Connie's rejection and just eating ice cream and all kinds of sweets as a coping mechanism hits home. And this is something people do in real life when they are going through a heartbreak. Poor boy he needs a hug.

-I would be lying if I said I didn’t scremaed the moment his body started growing our of nowhere, HOLY SHIT THE CORRUPTION THEORY IS SLOWLY BECOMING A REALITY. LIKE THAT SHIT STARTED AS SOME SORT OF JOKE, IT AIN’T FUNNY ANYMORE 😰.

-Connie being concerned about Steven and convicing him to see a doctor is the best thing ever. FINALLY SOMEONE THAT MAKES HIM SEEK HELP (Sort of)

-Okay, the fact Steven’s bones are fractured or broken is really worrying. Like, the only reason this kid isn’t dead is because of his healing powers is really messed up, and if we remember what happened in CYM, it makes sense why he was so weak and nearly dying, it was ‘cause his body was so damaged on the inside and the only things keeping together was his own gem half.

Seriously just look at all those cracks in his bones

-Also, the way Dr. Maheswaran explained how his body was constantly healing, yet it looked that mentally he hasn’t healed, that hit me like a truck. It also reminded of Pink Pearl, her gem showed no signs of damage, yet that crack on her eye was mostly due to the trauma she still had.

-The fact Steven is having the same side effect is just so....AGH I can’t even describe it, there’s no words that can say it.Seriously, he’s been through some heavy stuff since he was 13, with being so close to dying a million times, seeing loved ones die in front of him, his self doubt and existencial crisis due to Pink’s/Rose’s mistakes. That’s some serious and heavy shit, that surely was to have some effect on Steven at some point.

He’s been trying so hard to just forget about it and move on, but it’s not that simple. Those experiences are somthing that will haunt him forever until he adresses them properly. Also, the fact he tended to bottle up his emotions as a kid had also a role in all of this, he had to deal with this stuff on his own, he couldn’t talk to anyone about it, ‘cause he didn’t knew what else to do without becoming a burden.

-”What you haven’t told her?!”

DUDE, YOU SERIOUSLY EXPECTED CONNIE TO TELL HER MOM HOW YOU FRICKING PROPOSED TO HER? COME ONE, SHE IS OBVIOUSLY NOT GONNA TELL HER, SHE WOULD HAVE FREAK OUT AT THE IDEA OF 16/15 YEAR OLDS GETTING MARRIED FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE.

-Bruh, the moment he was starting to tear up, due to all the stress and pressure he was feeling at that moment. And the way he snapped out at Connie....oof, like I don’t blame him at all, but it broke my heart. The pain he was feeling at the moment...god...😭😭😭.

-Greg getting in there and comforting him, that’s what made me cry, the whole thing that Steven’s feeling like he’s always about to die, and how he’s supposed to be happy now that everyone is saved but just can’t....it hurted....a lot.

-And my respect and love for Connie and her mom increased here, not only she called the only person that could calm him down/help him, but they also treated Steven in way as to not alter him more and without judging. Seriously, I’m surprised Dr. Maheswaran, wasn’t like WTF the moment Steven started listing all of his traumatic experiences, instead she only explained how all of this gem stuff he’s been involved with has caused him so serious trauma.

-Now let me just say, that even though it is mostly th CG and Greg (to some degree, like the dude tried his best), we have to remember that the Gems have no idea about how a human body works, let alone how a mind of a person works. And it’s true that it wasn’t a good idea for Steven to move in with the Gems at such a young age, heck Greg is his father, he is supposed to take care of Steven and such, but considering the circumstances and that Steven is half-gem, he probably thought it was for the best, as he couldn’t teach him about gem stuff, probably the CG convinced him about this. Now, with the whole ‘they should have noticed or figured out something was wrong with Steven’, let me tell you one thing: that’s not how it works. Sure a parent should be able to tell when there’s something wrong their kid, but considering Steven became so dang good at avoiding the subject and bottling up his emotions (keeping them to himself), it practically impossible to tell when something is wrong. Parents aren’t physics, they can’t read our minds, so unless we are the ones that address the issue, there’s no other way they can’t find out about our problems. And that’s what happens in Steven’s case, and since they didn’t wanted to push him to talk about it, well, that makes it harder.

CONCLUSION:

THIS TWO EPS DESTROYED ME, SERIOUSLY THEY LEFT ME IN LITERAL PAIN.

I was expecting them to make me cry, but dear lord, they were such heavy episodes, they even suprassed Prickly Pair, which is an episode that also messed up with my emotions. But these two made me cry. They just hit so close to me.

I’m not sure I’m gonna survive til the finale (really one of the next week eps is called Fragments, and that doesn’t give me any good vibes)

NOW IF YOU’LL EXCUSE ME, I WILL GO CRY IN A CORNER WHILE CURLED UP IN A BALL AS I LISTEN TO DEPRESSING MUSIC CAUSE I DON’T KNOW OF ANOTHER WAY TO COPE WITH THE PAIN.

#steven universe future #steven universe future spoilers #suf #well that sucks #steven universe #steven #I can't stop crying #MY POOR BOI #feelings #rambling over this boy #GODDAMNIT PINK LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO THIS CHILD #YOU RUINED A PERFECTLY SWEET BOY

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bladekindeyewear · 4 years

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HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-08-23

More homestuuuuuck

I’m a little tired today so I don’t expect much intelligent analysis out of myself, but if anything classpecty happens I doubt I’ll be able to help myself regardless.

oh, always

(EDITS: added note on horn colors, link to ask on potential Blood powers reference)

> CHAPTER 12. Really Convoluted Metaphorical Horseshit

cuuute

In the bowels of a different ship, at a moment in time that is not pinpointable in either direction from the previous interaction, another Dave raps quietly to himself.

another dave raps quietly to himself. i am glad that phrase exists it brings me joy

(LATER EDIT: A friend on Discord pointed out that throughout this entire update, Karkat's horns are #FF0000 red. They were normal candy-corn colors in previous glimpses at the ship crew, though they used a dark single-color shortcut typical of old Homestuck at one point... but THIS time it stays STARK red even when we zoom in close later. Is this just artistic liberty? Did Karkat color his horns for fashion? Does this happen to red-bloods like the Sufferer after a certain age? Just how much time has actually passed, here? We might have to wait for the commentary for this one.)

KARKAT: I WAS SAYING I THOUGHT WE MIGHT GO, I DUNNO, ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE SHIP WHILE THE CLOTHES WERE WASHING. KARKAT: SEEING AS THIS DECREPIT MACHINE WE WERE SO BLESSEDLY PROVIDED WITH MAKES A WHIRRING SOUND SO PANCHAFINGLY ARHYTHMIC THAT IT THREATENS TO ERADICATE THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF TEMPO FROM THE UNIVERSE.

Karkat really has chilled out hasnt he? like this is surprisingly level for him, and that fact is hilarious.

KARKAT: AND YET SOMEHOW BASICALLY ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE WE STARTED THE LOAD IS THAT YOU’VE BEEN USING IT AS A FUCKED UP BEAT TO WHISPER TO YOURSELF ABOUT FLOWERS TO.

oh gosh that’s why he’s rapping

> ==>

DAVE: kanaya was telling me this kids story the other day about this dude who didnt cherish a flower enough until it peaced out to do flower stuff idk its not pertinent to the story DAVE: except the flower was a person DAVE: because it was a metaphor

Oh right, coming back to the Little Prince stuff I was too lazy to metaphor-deep-dive into, and literally asking the same questions we were asking about who the Little Prince’s story applies to mapped here if anyone at all, like Dirk and such, or what biases were in the retelling of it and the way Kanaya phrased it. So now we’re practically mocking it by deep diving it here, hence the last page’s “DAVE: i was just thinking through some really convoluted metaphorical horseshit”, which means we’re both about to further explore AND shit all over the existence of this story metaphor until it doesn’t mean anything and most of the meaning we drew from it earlier is made a joke~

well, not “we”, cause I was too lazy, so... y’all

DAVE: anyway what goes down in the story is that once the flower lady is out of the picture DAVE: the main character goes around making all these connections between her and everything else in the universe until every damn thing feels like a symbol for how much he fucked up and how much he will never see her again KARKAT: THIS SEEMS PRETTY FUCKING INTENSE FOR A KID'S STORY DAVE: yea thats pretty much what i said

Oh holy shit. That’s yet another way to put it. Are we doing a whole moral takedown of the Light aspect today? cause it sounds like we’re taking a dump on the Light aspect and RoboRose getting too obsessed and immersed in it, which would be excellent

DAVE: but i guess its not so much what the story was technically textually about but more like the version of it kanaya internalized and then told me when we were talkin about how she misses rose

exactly

DAVE: so like now im taking the story she told me she was projecting her feelings onto and projecting my feelings on top of that

yes absolutely, you just rephrased it a different way with that exact same bias

DAVE: this is just one big game of emotional projection telephone so feel free to go paraphrase it to roxy later and make it about whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing

perfect. i need an emoji for that Italian thing for when you pinch your thumb and forefinger together and kiss it

ah this’ll do:

its like the expression “choice” but in nonverbal form

[...] whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing KARKAT: YOUR ABILITY TO GET TO THE POINT DAVE: gotem DAVE: anyway you’re not gonna have to miss that skill of mine for long DAVE: get ready for this shit because i am about to slap you with the point so hard youll fall ass first into the washer DAVE: just scrambling around in there getting all sudsy DAVE: but your brain is gonna be so blasted from the mindfreak of a point im about to make that there wont be anything left to clean

Anytime dave is told to get to the point he is contractually obligated to spend at least 20 seconds talking about how he’ll get to the point in a way that is not getting to the point

DAVE: so its genuinely cool that kanaya can go around creating meaning that may or may not be actually present in every little thing DAVE: connecting every feeling she has to the idea of her wife existing out there DAVE: so i told her she should keep that shit up DAVE: but im having the opposite issue where im struggling to find anything to be that kind of tether because every single thing i could possibly consider about what it is were doing just reminds me of yet another thing to be afraid about

Great examples of Light being good and bad! Attaching strands of connective meaning to everything. --though, in Dave’s case AND Kanaya’s case you could argue it’s both bad in terms of effects. That it’s great for Kanaya to care, but that she should be able to divest herself and live on her own terms without idealizing Rose literally everywhere she looks, personal growth which would be useful in helping bring Rose back to her in the first place. The struggle they’re looking forward to is largely philosophical, not just physical, and until Rosebot acknowledges that she was wrong it’s not over.

DAVE: everything fuckin sucks huge cosmic donkey sack and im terrified KARKAT: OK, SO I FEEL LIKE YOU SKIPPED A COUPLE NECESSARY STEPS IN YOUR POINT CLARIFICATION PROCESS.

Pretty sure Dave was on the same page as most Epilogue and start-of-HS2 readers. This situation is pretty bleak to dump our heroes into, no matter how much we believe will be resolved in the long run.

DAVE: ok but were you going with sweet or savory please give me that much at least KARKAT: YEAH IT WAS GOING TO BE SUNDAE-BASED. DAVE: nice KARKAT: YEAH. KARKAT: DO YOU WANNA WATCH MORE GBBO AFTER THIS? DAVE: absolutely

--ah, Great British Bake-Off, can’t say I’ve indulged

do they still have that?? did they save it from old Earth? or did they go where unflooded Britain used to be and say hey, new show reboot

KARKAT: GREAT. ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET HUMAN CHRIST, PLEASE BACK UP TO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU’RE ACTUALLY SCARED OF. KARKAT: ALSO COME HERE, IDIOT.

That last line is like, exactly as fucking sweet and awesome as we imagined their relationship to be. :)

> ==>

OH MY GOD THAT’S ADORABLE

DAVE: ok yeah this is a better position to unleash all my inner fears n anxieties from

indisputably.

DAVE: those times its like my mouth was saying words about the situation wherein our friends are AWOL and maybe dead but my brain wasnt fully letting me experience the emotion that goes along with them DAVE: man its like i cant even start genuinely thinking about how afraid i actually am for rose and john without my brain flippin its wad and whiting out DAVE: like haha fuck i hope theyre ok DAVE: now i better make a fuckin joke before i succumb to the gaping mouth of despair waiting for me to fall in it as soon as i look down and acknowledge that its there ogling how juicy my ass looks as it trembles with terror

I really hope that the writers of HS2 know full well that this feeling? the one Dave is describing here? is what many of us who got way overinvested in the well-being of Homestuck’s surviving characters felt reading the Epilogues and Homestuck^2. So I really hope they’re working through it in a way that will result in a preponderance of GOOD THINGS happening and hope-filled situations. Cause that “can’t even think about X” feeling is too familiar, and if they understand it as well as it LOOKS like they’re getting to, I’d really like them to give us a helping hand healing.

I think that’s what they’re going for? Seems hopeful for me to think so, but they HAVE been doing better as HS2 has been going forward, from an emotional standpoint anyway; definitely better than the Epilogues. And I’ve worked through some of that stuff with the help of that, because it’s MUCH easier nowadays to think about Homestuck without my gut clenching.

DAVE: i guess im just fucked up about how to worry about dirk and be angry at him at the same time DAVE: because if i get as unholy pissed at him as i sometimes wanna be i also gotta admit to myself that maybe i coulda done something different there

Mhmm, Karkat’s potentially a pretty good person to speak with here since he’s done so much work trying not to feel responsible for everything that’s ever gone wrong.

DAVE: also like DAVE: and this by the way adds a whole other layer of guilt on there that i dont really know how to fuckin reckon with but DAVE: even with all the shit hes pulled and the fact that we are more or less heading toward having to take him down DAVE: whatever that is gonna mean and whether or not he planned it like that DAVE: i just DAVE: me and him had come so far with each other and it was really cool for a while to have him and i DAVE: ugh DAVE: i dont WANT to hate him

Yeah, Dirk and Jane’s heel-turns were really shitty for anyone who was a fan of them in the fanbase, as well.

KARKAT: WELL THEN QUIT FUCKING PICKING AT THE SEAM ON MY SHORTS AND SPIT IT OUT. THEY'RE BARELY HANGING ON TO THE DEFINITION OF "SHORTS" AS IT IS.

That is an adorably real boyfriend-laying-in-boyfriend’s-lap thing to do

DAVE: the part i mentioned before about how we really have no goddamn clue how long this trip is even gonna take DAVE: i cant help but feel like its barely getting revved up DAVE: and for me and roxy and jade and callie and kan thats normal shit at best and boring at worst but we all have our immortality to thank for that DAVE: we can just dick around in space for near-eternity waiting to catch up to our friends who may or may not be our enemies now and itll be fine DAVE: i mean no itll be categorically miserable DAVE: but well survive it KARKAT: HOLD THE FUCK ON. DAVE: but you KARKAT: DAVE. DAVE: no lemme say this

Oh god damnit. Karkat’s limited lifespan. As if we hadn’t ALREADY covered a nauseatingly extensive gamut of disheartening topics of conversation. We really have to confront every shred of misery in their past, present and future one after the other after the other in the Epilogues and HS2, don’t we? >:(

I guess it had to be discussed, though.

DAVE: we dont talk about it much and i got shit to say about it DAVE: its not like i never thought about how youre mortal before but i just thought wed be able to figure it out before it mattered DAVE: come up with some kind of plan DAVE: i was just distracted being happy with you i fucking guess and so i didnt think up a way to fix it DAVE: and now thanks to dirk we have to work it out right the fuck now DAVE: because i cant spend this trip just sitting around watching you get old and die

Jesus. I mean, WE know(?) that it’s not gonna be THAT many years, but THEY don’t know that.

Unless it really IS going to be that many years and HS2 is going to shamelessly take a fucking sledgehammer to our feelings for no goddamn good reason. Which it won’t! Right??? >:T

> ==>

Dishwasher ding

> Dave: Grapple with the clean, soggy consequences of the passage of time.

Hey, don’t make it a metaphor here. --though, fuck. I suppose we are dealing with everyones dirty laundry. God damnit. SURE, deal with it all story but then GET IT OUT OF THE WAY AND PUT SOME SERIOUS FUN AND LAUGHS IN HERE so we don’t feel like we’re wading through an entire garbage dump!!! *click*

Karkat’s eyebrows-only mouthless frown is really cute.

> ==>

okay Karkat explain the nope you’re lodging

> ==>

*put*

> ==>

*foot*

> ==>

DAVE: ok go on

I mean I at least appreciate the time investment in adorable boyfriends. That’s definitely something of SOME good value they’re giving us in exchange for this misery

> ==>

That Karkat image makes me wanna do that red-shaky-gif-thing with it

KARKAT: IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NEW TO THE PARTICULAR MOOBEAST WRANGLING EVENT OF SOMEONE I PREVIOUSLY LOVED BRUTALLY TURNING ON ME AND LEAVING ME TO TRY AND CRAM MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE SITUATION BACK TOGETHER ALL ON MY OWN.

True

KARKAT: HE DID THAT ON HIS OWN. AND WE MADE THE CHOICE TO GO AFTER HIM ON OUR OWN.

Yes, and you’ll possibly convince him more of that over time, though not in this short conversation

KARKAT: I WAS FOLLOWING YOUR LITTLE TRAIL OF COOKIE CRUMB FEARS UNTIL IT LEAD TO THE BIG SNACK FINALE OF WORRY ABOUT MY FRAGILE MORTAL MEATSACK. KARKAT: IF I HAVE SOMEHOW NOT BEEN CLEAR ABOUT THIS WITH YOU YET, LET ME GO AHEAD AND RECTIFY THE SITUATION RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. KARKAT: HANGING OUT WITH YOU ON THIS LONG TRIP TO WHO THE SHITTING FUCK KNOWS WHERE IS QUITE LITERALLY THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE MEAGER EXISTENCE. KARKAT: I'M SO ABSOLUTELY BLISSED THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUR STUPID IMMORTALLY SMOOTH HUMAN FACE SKIN EVERY DAY AND NOT HAVE A COMPLEX ABOUT IT.

D’AWWW

And with that darkly angry expression too, that’s PERFECT

I mean it’s true. What exactly would they be doing DIFFERENTLY on Earth C other than enjoying each other like this? It’s pretty fucking great.

...hm. Isn’t this journey-not-the-destination stuff pretty Breathy? Karkat’s proving more balanced by the moment.

KARKAT: AND I'LL BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN EXPERIENCING SOME COMPLICATED GUILT, MYSELF. KARKAT: THE FACT THAT I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE JUST FUCKING CHILLAXING AND BEING IN LOVE IN SPACE IS A CLEARLY INCONGRUOUS WITH THE REASON I'M ACTUALLY HERE CHILLAXING TO BEGIN WITH, AND I'M NOT LETTING MYSELF FORGET THAT, EITHER.

Pff. He feels guilty for ENJOYING IT so much. <3

KARKAT: BUT I RESENT THE IMPLICATION THAT MY HAPPINESS IS REGISTERING FOR YOU AS YOU HAVING TO JUST "SIT AROUND AND WATCH ME GET OLD," BECAUSE I KNOW YOU KNOW IT'S MORE THAN THAT.

I’m glad Karkat knows that DAVE knows somewhere in him that it’s more than that, because yeah, if Karkat thought he DIDN’T know that at some level that’d be a reason to take MUCH MORE SERIOUS offense.

KARKAT: LIKE, JESUS, DAVE. YOU KNOW I'M AFRAID FOR YOU, TOO, RIGHT? KARKAT: OR DID YOU FORGET THE WHOLE HEROIC DEATH THING? KARKAT: I WORRY ABOUT LOSING YOU FAIRLY FUCKING REGULARLY.

Hah!!! Point taken. Karkat must view Dave as practically more fragile than HIM.

KARKAT: ONE: WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA THAT I REFUSE TO NOT ENJOY THIS SHIT WHEN I FINALLY FUCKING GET IT, NO MATTER HOW LONG IT MAY OR MAY NOT LAST. KARKAT: TWO: IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE DOING NOTHING. WE’RE MOVING. WE’RE WORKING. WE’RE HEADED SPECIFICALLY TO A PLACE WHERE WE WILL UNDOUBTLEDLY ENDURE YET MORE FUCKING HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA. KARKAT: AND THREE: WE'RE DOING THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE FRIENDS WHO WE CARE ABOUT THAT NEED US. THAT IS OUR FOCUS, HERE. NOT OUR FEAR. IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WE HAVE TO SAVE. KARKAT: SO DON'T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT ME, DAVE. I'M FINE.

Okay, this is great and wholesome. I am now retroactively GLAD that this topic got brought up. :)

> ==>

Dave is still afraid. There is a part of him that will always be, he thinks. He has accepted this about himself. There is another feeling coursing through him too, though. It’s something he's felt before, though never quite so intensely. He looks up at Karkat and understands, viscerally, the simple power his words have. They pump through Dave’s own body, alive and warm and true.

He wonders if Karkat realizes it, or if he’s just, as always, saying what he feels as he feels it. Dave doesn’t attempt to dissect it further. There will be time for that later.

Every really loving moment like this is sort of undercut by the fact that it’s also, in some senses, part of alt!Calliope’s narration and, by extension, her fanfiction.

EDIT 2: There's also either a hint to potential Blood powers or even an explicit Blood power use here that I didn't recognize. I'm leaning towards it's-laying-the-groundwork-for-future-use-of-Blood-powers-but-isnt-magical-in-this-case.

> ==>

Smooooch!

That was nice. Still gonna wait on doing any commentary til next time or a Bonus update or two, cause I’m beat. See y’all next time!

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #spoiler #spoilers #Breath and Blood #Light and Void

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chimswae · 4 years

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BTS Caretaker CH19

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 3,884

- Author Note: I apologize if some of the thing in BTS caretaker sound cringy, i wrote this in 2017 lool so the old me is so hmmm , hahaha as much i wanted to edit it again, Im afraid i am gonna change the whole thing :< so i leave it be ahhaa thank u for reading <333

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Chapter 19

“You alright Joon?” Yoongi eyed the younger guy before him that had a distress look ever since their filming ended few hours ago. Namjoon barely touched his dinner and did not speak as much as he usually did. The corner of his eyes caught Jimin acting odd around Namjoon as if that guy knew something that he did not.

A floor light from the living room light up the space with a pleasant illumination. It was enough for Yoongi to catch a blurry image of Namjoon’s expression whom start to darken. Raking his fingers in between his soft lavender hair, a low sigh could be heard from his direction “We ended our relationship” he exhaled the words with heavy heart.

Yoongi was speechless hearing such news, though he had a little idea of how deep Namjoon’s relationship with her back then. Yet, he knew how much this guy cherish her. She used to be his source of inspiration in his song writing. Things really went wrong between them, Yoongi could not deny this one fact that he never liked the girl.

“What happen..” his unclear voice was enough to reach Namjoon. Not that he wanted to be happy over the news, however he was kind of relieve that the things have ended for good between them. Ever since the first day Namjoon told him about his genuine feelings for her, he knew something was not right in the beginning. Son Hyemi, one of their stylists who have worked for almost two years with them. Despite her cold demeanour, she appeared to be daring whenever with Namjoon. She was first assigned as Yoongi and Jungkook stylist before they switched it with Namjoon few months later.

Yoongi did not want to condemn anyone but he felt uncomfortable with her around since start. Son Hyemi is in her early 30’s when she first started her job as their stylist. Indeed, when it came to her work she’s a dedicated woman and that’s undeniable. However, for some reason with her mere presence it created unexplainable tense knowing one of his bandmates had a thing for her. They had to pretend that they were okay with it. If it weren’t for Namjoon’s happiness, he would do something pertaining to that matter. His gut is never wrong.

Son Hyemi was a trouble. She brought nothing but pain to Namjoon. If and only he realized that sooner, he would not get hurt as much as he did now. All of them had spoken about this matter behind Namjoon and clearly none of them were brave enough to say it aloud, being bluntly honest to Namjoon would only push him away. They really cared for his feelings, hurting him was the last thing they wanted to happen.

He croaked “She..is married to someone else. It is over between us” Yoongi was alarmed by his response as he stood up straight, frowning in process.

“What..when this happen?”

“She got married a week ago..It has been happening for a month, all the lies that she told me. I was a fool…to trust her and wait for her to come back to me” Namjoon looked down sadly, clutching onto his hair bellowing his frustration.

“Joon-ah…She does not deserve you. I am sorry that you are in pain and for not trying hard enough to help you through this” he gave a soft squish on his shoulder with full of regret. It was no use to cry over spill milk, horrible things when we least expected.

Lifting his head up weakly, his eyes were brimming with tears “Hyung..Its hurt.. The pain is driving me insane” Yoongi’s heart clenched his pain to see his brother in this vulnerable state.

Without uttering any words, Yoongi pulled the younger guy into a tight embrace “I know..You loved her, it was normal to get hurt. It makes you more human” Namjoon on the other hand could not contain his tears anymore, he ended up shedding his tears for the second time today. With his members, he found it was rather hard to not show this side of him. They have become his pillars of strength.

Even for the unaffectionate Min Yoongi, when it involved one of the members, he would gladly reveal this soft side of him that he intended to show only to the people that he cared. Namjoon’s shoulder shook and his breath were shuddered as he sobbed uncontrollably letting all the misery contained inside him out. His voice had drawn others to the scene one by one, watching their leader broken in Yoongi’s arm.

They exchanged a meaningful look as they had gotten the clue about it while Jimin filled them in with the news few minutes ago. Yoongi gave all of them a soft nod assuring them everything will be fine and that Namjoon only needed a moment to gather himself together.

Namjoon took a deep breath before breaking the hug “Thank you hyung..That was ugly” he wiped his tears with the back of his hand and let out a bitter chuckle.

“Once in a while, you have to cry hard. Life is like that” he patted his back softly. “To be honest, I am glad that you finally see her true colours. We are sorry that we go behind your back and talk shit about her. However, we could not bring ourselves to tell you the truth. We only want what is best for you. If being with her makes you happy then, we are fine with it. We will learn to accept her” his lips were pressed into a thin line.

“Hyung..” Namjoon pondered upon Yoongi’s word hard. Why did he do to deserve these guys in his life? Despite the bad choices that he made, they had their back for him without complain.

Another voice came into the picture which startled Namjoon “Joon-ah..Kim Namjoon. Who needs girls if you have us? Our love is enough” said Jin, throwing his arm around Namjoon’s shoulder. Namjoon’s realized other members were already there smiling sadly at his way, he returned it with a genuine smile. They caught his overwhelmed reactions as he turned into a puddle of tears over the welcoming sight in front of him.

Taehyung lurched to his side attacking him with a big hug “Hyunggie, Hyemi nuna just showed you that you have bigger heart than she is. You will soon find your own happy ending, not with Hyemi nuna but with someone better than her” his jaw hung open into his signature smile.

“This time around we will make sure any girl that you like will pass through us first before they can date you!” Jin beamed.

Namjoon laughed at their silliness “Why is it a ‘they’? Are you turning me into a Casanova?” he raised his brows in amusement. Hoseok retorted “Well, just in case we don’t like the girl we will have backup don’t you think? Chill Kim Namjoon, life maybe short, let’s not think about future and live the present” he exchanged their usual fist bump causing the latter to chuckle softly.

“Thank you, for standing by my side even in my worst state, you will always be there. I am sorry that I cause unnecessary worries. I promise I will be better and get over this feeling that I have for her. It is stupid and too good to be truth” his voice was full of regret.

Jungkook and Jimin had a proud smile on their face, watching their precious hyung that was able to finally pull his usual smile on his face. They will never be tired dealing with all the craps happening in their group. It is the recipe of their strong brotherhood.

“Who is up for drinks” Hoseok waved a can of beer accompanied by his sunny smile. So, it was that time of the month again to have a deep shit kind of talk all night. As everyone took their seat on the stool near the counter, Jimin helped to pass one can of beer each to the members except Jungkook.

His lips curved upward into a protest “Hyung…why….” Jimin brows flinched together while shaking his head in disapproval.

“Not tonight gguk. You will get the banana milk” Jimin chided, gliding the small bottle in front of him.

--------------

Tugging clueless Jimin to the corner, Namjoon cleared his throat forcing out the words to come out after his awkward encounter with Seul yesterday. It had been bothering him since then, but he chickened out the last minute when he’s about to inquire Jimin about it.

“Are you going to ask me whether Seul is doing fine?” Jimin boldness taken him aback a little. Namjoon nodded his head frantically, chewing his lower lips showing off his nervousness. “Well, she is a little shaken, but she is doing alright. Don’t worry. I don’t think she will tell anyone about what she heard” he chuckled.

“That was awkward. I was not in the right mind yesterday. I thought Seul was Hyemi nuna. THAT IS SO EMBARASSING CHIMMY!” he facepalmed not liking this thing one bit.

Jimin laughed heartily “I know hyung. Apologize to her when we have the chance to meet her later and talk it out with her” his eyes shrunk into an eye smile.

“Talk it out with who?”

Jimin and Namjoon turned to face the owner of the soft voice, as their head tilted in sync trying to decipher the image in front of them. To their surprise, Seul was standing there awkwardly with a baffled expression across her face.

“I am sorry I didn’t know you guys are still around… I mean it is already 10 in the morning?” Seul squeezed her eyes together. ‘Does it mean, others are here too. Min Yoongi? Jin?’ she mentally cursed.

A soft smile spread across his face “It is just us and Taehyung, others are out for grocery shopping. Did Manager hyung forget to inform ahjumma that we will be staying indoor today” Namjoon watched Seul under his sharp gaze making her a little uncomfortable.

“Ah.. My mom went for her treatment early in the morning, she must be forgotten to inform me” she coughed a little avoiding Namjoon’s gaze that apparently undressing her. Screw Kim Namjoon, he doesn’t need to be that attractive.

Jimin softened when she mentioned Mrs Hwang, before he could ask her further, Namjoon jumped into the conversation “How’s your mother Seul-ssi” he looked at her way timidly.

“She is alright, thanks to the treatment I think she will be able to make it until we find a donor” a sad smile could be seen on Seul’s pale face. Mrs Hwang condition made Namjoon sympathize the older woman even more.

“Was it severe? Her kidney?”

Nodding weakly, Seul clutched onto the hem of her shirt surpassing her tears from hitting the ground “Her kidney has stopped functioning, both of it. She is lucky to be able to live this long since her life is depending on the machine. The hospital is trying to find the perfect donor for my mother” Jimin exhaled a soft breath, pressing his lips together in process.

Namjoon sent an empathy look at her direction “How about your kidney? Doesn’t it match your mother? I am sorry I don’t want to offend anyone, just wondering” Seul chuckled bitterly and it died down as soon as a sigh of regret filled the awkwardness between them.

“My brother and I did not match her, I was frustrated over the fact that we shared the same blood, yet we could not do anything about it” her face revealed all the pain that she could not express in words. Jimin took few steps closer to Seul, embracing the girl briefly “Ahjumma will be alright. Trust me” Namjoon’s eyes widended upon witnessing the scene in front of him. Just when was Jimin became super touchy with her? That was odd considering how they barely met each other.

Seul froze in her trance allowing Jimin’s warmth sipping through her vein, giving her some sort of assurance and security. Her ran his fingers in her soft lock, pulling away from the hug not long after and continued to stare into her eyes deeply “If you need someone to talk to, I will always be here. Now, talk to Namjoon hyung.. He has been dying to see you since yesterday” Seul was under his spell. His soft voice really mesmerized her, and she could feel her bones melted.

Jimin brushed her cheeks with the back of his hand, taking a step backwards giving small space for her to breathe. “See you in a bit” he winked. Seul blushed madly, hiding her face in her hair.

“Talk to her nicely” Jimin mouthed Namjoon with a slight smirk and made his way stealthy to his room. Namjoon was unsure whether he was ready to talk this thing out with her. Not that he was afraid to open up his wound again, facing Seul got him nervous for no reason.

“I am sorry” Namjoon and Seul blurted out in unison.

She rubbed her palms together “You first Namjoon-ssi” he scratched the top of his head a little steadying his breathing. “Look..about yesterday.. I..am sorry that you have to see that. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I..just I-mean I… don’t..I am not..in the right-“ stammering between his words, he attempted to force words that don’t want to be said. Namjoon felt dizzy and breathless.

Seul bit her lower lips watching the guy struggling with his own words and she finally decided it was best to interrupt “Don’t worry, pretend that never happen. I promise I will never bring that up. I am sorry for invading your privacy” she sighed tiredly.

“I am not in the place to say this but since we have come to this, I hope you are holding up well. Love is a funny thing, Namjoon-ssi. You expect it to be easy and to be world of roses. It is more of it once you dwell into it. Love is hard because it makes us grow. It forces us to confront our little demon inside. Love is between two real hearts. If another heart breaks the promises that you build, there is no point in holding onto it anymore” she spouted in one breath.

Awed by Seul’s wise words, Namjoon took the moment to scrutinize her face with so much interest. It was the first real conversation that he had with her, therefore it mesmerized him how a small girl like Seul would have bigger things to say.

She continued “ It is better to break your own heart by leaving rather than having that person to break you heart every day you are with them” her words dissolving into seething mutters to herself. “Oh my god, I am sorry! I got carried away! Forget what I said I mean really, that sounded stupid” she scolded herself as her nose scrunched up cutely not liking her own action.

Namjoon chuckled at her cuteness “You are right about everything. It is better to break my own heart this way rather than getting hurt all over again” he found the thought of ending his complicated relationship with Hyemi was a good thing. His lips pressed into a thin line as he tore his eyes meeting Seul sparkled orbs.

“Thank you Seul-ssi..I understand why Jin hyung is really keen on you. You are different” his compliment melted her heart instantly. Why was he bringing Jin in this matter? What did he mean by Jin was keen on her? To think about this again, it was super crazy.

“I am no one..You are flattering me” she shook her head, “Urm, Namjoon-ssi I think I need to get my job done so I can leave soon. You guys deserve a peaceful rest, I saw how hard you guys worked yesterday” she exclaimed.

“Ah..Dont sweat. Take things real slow, I can help you with the cleaning if you want. It is quite a mess today” he offered but Seul was fast to decline his offer. It was tempting but she’s paid to do this. That would be so wrong to make the boys work.

“No, this is my job. I will get the job done quick. Don’t worry about me”

“Can we drop the formality?” Namjoon suggested something out of context again.

“What?” Seul raised her eyebrows, ever so slightly.

“I heard you are at Jimin’s age, so maybe we can be friends. Plus, you are our caretaker lady. Why don’t we be friends and drop the formality?”

“Do I have the choice what to call you then?” her eyes gleamed with irrepressible humour.

The corner of his mouth quirked as he nodded “So what do you have in your mind?” he challenged.

“Just Namjoon would suffice”

“Just Namjoon?”

“Why? I think that is enough to show our informality”

“But you call Jin hyung, oppa” he stressed.

“Ah, that one. He forced me to call him oppa. I don’t really oppa-ing anyone except for my close friends” cringing at the thought, she grinned widely “So Namjoon would suffice”

“Can’t you call me oppa?” Namjoon demanded.

“Why do you guys so obsess in making me to call you oppa? We will see if I am in the mood to address you oppa. Now please excuse me Namjoon oppa, I have work to do” she nodded and waved her hand while she retreated to tend her job with a smile. Namjoon straightened his clothes while mumbling “Alright then” his eyes followed her until she disappeared behind the kitchen door.

“Oppa…Namjoon oppa” he was not sure why he was smiling, but he could not stop.

-----------------

Every second was valuable to her. By anytime soon, the rest of Bangtan members would be back and she was not ready to deal with any of them. Thankfully, Jimin and Namjoon had left her alone to do her job. Taehyung was nowhere to be seen even in his room, she wondered where did he disappear.

She picked up Taehyung’s dirty laundry on the floor and tossed it inside the laundry bag. Before she left, she straightened up the bed, smoothing the sheets, carefully tucking the corners and fluffing the pillows. She glanced round the room which was quite impersonal, but her eyes stopped at the picture frame on the nightstand. The photos look familiar to her like she’s the one in it.

Taking the frame in her hand, she squinted her eyes taking a better look of the ambiguous photo. To be honest, the photo alone was a work of an art. It was too beautiful to be described with words, but little did she know she was admiring herself. As she examined the photo, her eyes landed at the corner of the frame. It surprised her to see a small signature with ‘Vante’ engraved on it.

It came to her realization, this was the photo taken by that strange guy that night who claimed himself to be Vante. How did the photo end up in Taehyung’s room? Did the Vante guy sell her photos to people publicly? The only logical thing that she could ever think was, the Vante guy turned out to be Taehyung. That was impossible!

Seul then continue to search for similar frame inside the room and yes there were few of them. Photos of Bangtan members, the scenery that he took and a photo of himself. Could it be him?

Alarm, mixed with confusion, spread through her in a frightening rush “What are you doing in my room?” she was taken aback by the gruffy voice behind her. It sounded familiar, similar to the Vante guy.

In one straight move, she turned around to face him “You?” Taehyung expression turned from uncertainty into sheer surprise. He could not believe his own eyes that Seul was standing before her in his room. What kind of sorcery was this again! Her eyes widened in astonishment “How did you get this photo?” she inquired to answer her curiosity.

“It is mine...”

“Yours? So, you are Vante?”

“Urm…Yes...i think we met before. You are the tea lady”

“I have name. It is Seul”

“Seul? So you are our caretaker?”

“Seems like it”

“WHAT A SMALL WORLD” his voice going up in pitch at the sheer surprise of it.

She raised her chin “That’s right. You see, I thought you actually-“he words broke off and her eyes widened when Taehyung rushed to her for a big bear hug. Seul stiffened in his tight embrace, it was suffocating but he smelled too good. Warmth sipping through her bodies.

“Glad that I found you again Seul” he whispered deeply leaving a trail of sexiness and manliness in his voice. He rested his chin on top of her head liking the way how small and delicate Seul was in his arm.

Her mind and body were not in sync, part of her wanted to push him away but her body really betrayed her today. It’s like she was destined to stay glue to Taehyung. Out of all members, apart from Yoongi, Taehyung would be the boldest one.

Who hugged during their first meeting? Asians don’t do hugs, why was he being so friendly to her.

This would not do, she needed to escape from this sticky situation again. Just before she could plot a murderous plan to flee from Kim Taehyung, they heard a harsh voice scowling at their way.

“Let her go Kim Taehyung” Yoongi hissed under his sharp breath. He looked like he was ready to murder someone. Stood nervously behind Yoongi was Jung Hoseok, he only cracked a nervous smile at Taehyung way and mouthed the younger guy to comply to Yoongi’s request before things turned even sour.

Releasing Seul immediately from his embrace, Seul inhaled a deep breath finally feeling the oxygen being sucked inside properly hitting her lungs.

“Hyung are you alright?” Taehyung blinked innocently.

Ignoring the younger guy’s question, he marched towards Seul giving the girl no chance to breath and crashed his lips against her ‘WHAT THE HELL. THIS THE THIRD KISS’ Seul screamed in her head desperately.

“HYUNG!” Taehyung and Hoseok yelled in fear.

“MIN YOO-YAH” she mumbled between kisses and as soon as she parted her lips, Yoongi deepened the kisses not caring the protest that he received from the floor. He had enough watching Seul with other guys. That one time with Jimin ticked him off, however he was still in denial with his feelings for Seul.

Now, seeing how Taehyung acting all cosy with her, Yoongi really had enough. He needed to make it clear to everyone that she is his.

“HYUNG YOU ARE HURTING HER!” said Hoseok.

It was exhausting to fight Min Yoongi, she would never win when it came to him. Yoongi pulled away staring at her reddened lips with a smirk “I marked her, remember that” he muttered against her lips, holding onto her body close to his.

Taehyung cringed at the sight still in dazed, he exchanged a wary glance with Hoseok and before he could ask further, Yoongi had already pulled Seul out from the room. Leaving shook Hoseok and Taehyung, Hoseok palmed the wall behind him gulping the heavy lump on his throat.

“What was that….” Hoseok breathed out.

#btscaretaker #btsfluff #btsromance #bts fanfic #btsfic #jungkook x oc #yoongi x oc #yoongi fic #jungkook fic #jungkook romance #Jungkook fluff #yoongi romance #yoongi fluff #jimin x oc #hoseok x oc #jin x oc

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diddlesanddoodles · 4 years

Text

DEAD WALLS RISE - CH 5

ATTENTION: This chapter occurs during the events of ch 47 of Dumpling and therefore contains spoilers. If you have not not read that chapter or have not caught up to that point, this will not make much sense and I strongly urge you to wait until you are caught up before continuing with this chapter.

The fear was always the first thing to hit. Like a gust of wind, it swept him away until all he could perceive of the world was a small pinprick of light and the only sound was his own breathing and the only physical sensation was the frantic beating of his own heart. He never heard Nenani call his name or felt her hand on his shoulder. He did not notice when Keral pulled him bodily from his seat and carried him from the great hall. Perhaps that was better. He may have died from embarrassment right then and there if he had possessed enough presence of mind to understand.

“Remember what Yaesha told ye,” Keral’s voice said, penetrating the thick fog of his mind. “Just breathe. Slower now, lad. In and out.” He could feel more than hear Keral’s own breathing and he slowed his to match the ranger’s. “That’s it. Come on back now, lad.”

He felt Keral’s large fingers lightly tapping the side of his head, just enough to jerk him back to attention and ever so slowly the world came back into focus and he was no longer in the great hall, but a side garden and sitting on a stone bench. The night air bit at his face and he felt the cold stone under him, the chill seeping into the fabric of his pants and onto his skin. Keral was kneeling down in front of him and peering into his face, green eyes studying his own blue ones. “Back with me yet?”

He nodded mutely and Keral stood to take a seat on the bench beside him. “Scared the lass pretty good. Don’t think she’s ever seen one of yer fits before.”

Jae didn’t respond, feeling shamed and mortified.

“Go on and tell me what set ye off.”

His hands were clenched hard enough to hurt and he could feel the muscles in his neck and shoulders pull tight. “…you know what.”

Keral did not reply right away. Instead, he reached behind his back to pull out his pipe and a small pouch of tobacco. He stuffed the bowl and just as he struck a match, he said, “Tell me anyway.”

“I can’t…I’m not…why would he…?” He could almost feel the fit trying to begin afresh and he steadied his breathing again, trying to keep it at bay. When he was sure it had passed, he ran his fingers through his hair, gripping fistfuls of it and staring at the pitted stone under him. “I can’t do this Keral.”

The larger man beside him took a moment to puffed idly at his pipe, plumes of grey smoke drifting upwards to obscure the stars peeking down at them from the open courtyard.

“And why not?” he asked.

“I’m not a prince,” Jae replied exasperated. “I can’t…do all that stuff.”

With a short huff of a laugh, the ranger shook his head. “Yer a fuckin’ idiot, you know that boy?”

With a growl, Jae punched Keral’s thigh hard, and shot back, “Dammit, I’m being serious!”

“So am I,” Keral grunted. He leaned over just enough to pin Jae with one eye. “Just what do ye think yev been this whole time? Hm?”

“…an idiot, like you said. A spoiled idiot. A brat,” Jae replied lowly. “I don’t want to be a prince. I only…” A long pause. “I just wanted…so badly for…for Warren…to see me like I saw him.”

Keral shook his head. “Thought you two figured that mess out weeks ago.”

“…I thought so, but…” Jae sighed. “Nothing’s changed.”

“Not followin’ ye.”

Jae felt like his chest was gonna rupture and his eyes burned with frustrated tears. In a low voice, he choked out, “…I’m not his son, Keral.”

“Bullshit ye ain’t!” Keral snapped, glowering down at him. The degree of vehemence from him was enough to startle Jae and he shook his head.

“…I can’t be.”

Keral leaned down further, enough to cast Jae in shadow. “And who th’fuck says?”

He couldn’t meet the ranger’s critical gaze. “…you heard them in there.”

“Since when did ye give a right shit about what Eldherst and Tendle thought of ye?”

How Jae wished he had some snarky quip to throw back, anything to offer distraction, but all he had was what he knew was true but was too scared to admit to himself. Let alone aloud. The lords were right. He wasn’t Warren’s son and never could be. He’d been fooling himself all this time, playing at make believe. A fallacy they could continue within the castle where Warren’s power could shield him, but beyond the walls of the keep…

…the world would never let him be Warren’s son.

“Because even if all that load ‘a tripe were true,” Keral continued, poking Jae’s shoulder with the butt of his pipe. “Why would Warren wanna adopt ye if didn’t mean nothin’ to him?”

Jae was silent. He didn’t want to start crying in front of Keral.

“It ain’t about makin’ ye a prince fer the hell of it. It’s about makin’ ye his son. In the eyes of the law. All that other nonsense is just a consequence of yer Dad being a King. Ain’t like he’s puttin’ ye in the line of succession.”

“But still…”

Keral shifted again and rose to his feet to stand in front of the bench. He planted both hands on either side of Jae to loom above him, his pipe clenched in his teeth. In a quiet voice, he said, “Warren loves ye lad. Been takin’ care of ye all these years hasn’t he?”

“…yes.”

“And ye think of ‘im like yer Dad, don’t ye?”

“…y-yes,” Jae said, his words shuttering.

“Then why question it?”

“…I don’t want to cause him any problems,” Jae admitted and Keral laughed, the sound of it loud in his ears. He removed his pipe and sat it down onto the bench.

“Far too late fer that, Pup. Yer ‘a walkin’ disaster.”

Jae almost smiled. It had been years since Keral had called him that. Like so many of those employed at the castle, he had taken to calling him brat; a nickname Jae had rightly earned not long after hitting puberty. Somehow, with Keral using his first nickname for him made Jae feel a little better. It was almost a term of endearment.

“Me being an embarrassment as his ward is one thing,” Jae said. “But as his son…it’s a little harder to ignore. Or forgive.”

“If Rosanna of fuckin’ Ibronia could manage to accept ye,” Keral said flatly. “Why the fuck can’t ye accept yerself? Of course yer gonna make mistakes. Yer still a damn kid. Ye still have a few years left of ye bumblin’ around in the dark before ye figure out how to light a damn match.”

Jae raised his head to meet Keral’s gaze and squinted at him in confusion. “…what?”

“Ye still have a lot to learn,” Keral translated. “They call ‘em growin’ pains fer a reason. Fer some, it’s more painful than fer others.” A pause. “Ever stop and think there was a reason fer Warren makin’ ye Assistant Steward?”

“To keep me out of trouble,” Jae replied with a shrug. “What else?”

“Well, yeah. That’s what happens when ye have a kid too smart fer his own good and with too much liberty as his disposal. But it ain’t only that. He gave ye responsibilities because he knew ye’d be able to handle it. And ye have. We both know Donal wasn’t always yer biggest fan, but somehow ye managed to wiggle yerself into his good graces. That’s gotta be worth something. Been tryin’ to do that fer almost twenty years, still haven’t managed it myself.”

“I just sit around and take notes or deliver messages for him and…I don’t really do anything. I just…watch.”

“And listen. Ever stop to think that maybe that was the point? Ye learn from watchin’. Hell, Pup, yer a damn sponge when it comes to all that shit. Ye’v got a decent head fer politics after watchin’ Warren all these years. And he knows it. Yer more ready fer this than yer willin’ to give yerself credit fer.”

“Doesn’t feel like it,” said the human, running a hand through his hair. “How the hell does it make sense to make me a prince? I’m not even Vhasshalan. And did you see some of their faces? Some of them were and still are Baynor supporters.” He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin down onto them. “Probably wishing the fucker did eat me…”

“Well he didn’t. And Warren’s makin’ ye a prince. So the only thing ye should be asking yerself is what do ye do now. Sittin’ and mopin’ about it ain’t doin ye any favors. Never has. All the time yer spend on the roof, what has it ever done fer ye? Eh? Not a damn thing. Warren wants to make ye his son officially. Not just some vague understandin’ between yerselves. That should tell ye all ye need to know, Pup.”

“…what if I can’t do it, though?”

“Ye ain’t scared of not being able to do it. Yer scared of disappointing yer Dad.”

Jae hung his head. “…because I’m a coward.”

“Now I’ve known plenty of cowards in my time. And there’s plenty ‘a things I could call ye,” Keral said. He laid his hand against Jae’s back, fingers curling around his shoulders. “But a coward ain’t one of ‘em.”

“I’m scared…all the time. And there doesn’t even need to be anything wrong. How does that not make me a coward? I freeze up and have these fits and I have to drink that disgusting tea just to have a chance to function and I…I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“I know exactly what’s wrong with ye,” Keral told him seriously, green eyes seeming to bore holes through him. “It’s called surviving a war. Survivor’s guilt.”

“What?” Jae asked.

“What yer feelin’. S’called survivor’s guilt. Saw it plenty during my own deployment. Men comin’ back from battle without half their company. Wonderin’ why the fella next to him was dead and he wasn’t. Same as you. Ye’ve had it fer years. Since we found ye out in the moor.” He paused. “All yer family and friends never left that pond. But ye did. And ye’ve let that guilt fester inside ye and it comes out in yer nightmares and in these fits ‘a yers.”

Every muscle in his body felt tense and unyielding. He hated what Keral was saying and wished he would stop. He was too tired to do this now. He didn’t want to…

“Ye never talk about ‘em. Yer folks,” Keral said quietly. Gently. “Don’t know a thing about ‘em. ‘Cept yer Dad’s name and trade. Never hear ya speak about yer Mum.”

“It hurts too much. Even now,” Jae said, already feeling the tears dripping down his chin. “If I try to remember her face…”

“Ye never dealt with all that pain of losin’ ‘em. As young as ye were when ye did. Now yer panickin’ that yet might be losing Warren. In a different way. But losin’ ‘im all the same. ‘Cept this time no one’s takin’ anythin’ from ye, Pup. Yer takin’ it from yerself.”

Finally, Jae broke. His shoulders began to shake as a racking sob bubbled up from his throat. For several minutes, he just cried and let all the hurt and fear and regret and guilt pour out of himself. When finally, he had no more to give, he quieted. Sniffling and in a thick voice, he mumbled, “I’m such an idiot…”

Keral laughed. “Oh, ye don’t need to tell me that, lad. Known it fer years.”

Jae raised his head to glare at the ranger. “…Anyone ever tell you that your pep talks suck?”

“All the time,” he said with a satisfied grin. He patted Jae on the back and motioned for him to stand. “Come on now. Enough sulkin’. On yer feet.”

His legs and arms felt twice as heavy and his temples throbbed. Gods did he need a drink. He wobbled on his feet, but once he’d steadied himself, Jae looked back at Keral expectantly. The ranger crouched back down so he and Jae were on the same level and was regarding him with a serious expression.

“Yer a smart boy, Jae,” he said, laying his arms onto bench and leaning forward. “And Warren adores ye. It’s true that it’s no small thing fer ye to be adopted by the King of Vhasshal. Ain’t sayin’ yer gonna have an easy time of it. But fer what’s it’s worth, I think yer gonna be pretty damn good at it.”

For a moment, Jae simply stared at the ranger, emotions swirling inside of him, before he dropped his gaze to stare at his feet for several moments. He took a step and then another and pressed his head against Keral’s shoulder. He sniffed, trying to keep himself from falling into tears again. A large hand came to rest against his back, rubbing lightly.

“Oi,” Keral said gently, a smile in his tone. “Don’t be gettin’ yer snot all over my good jerkin now. S’the only one I got.”

Despite the roiling emotions inside him, Jae laughed. “I’ll get you a new one. Princes get allowances don’t they?”

Keral chuckled. “That’d be a question fer yer Dad.”

Before Jae could speak, from within the great hall, they heard a horrible shriek and he jumped in” surprise. “What the –?”

Keral was on his feet, looking towards the large stained glass windows and listening. There was another shriek from inside and then many voices all at once calling out in shock or surprise. The lone lantern near the other end of the garden began to glow.

“Well, fuck...” Keral growled. He turned towards one corner of the garden where two guards were standing post, both staring dumbly at the lantern, and he called out to them, “Guards to the hall!”

The two guards started, looking at Keral and then seeming to recall themselves, took up their swords and called out behind them, ostensibly to more guards, “All guards to the hall!”

There were several calling answers and in a matter of mere moments, guards from all over seemed to be spilling from corridors and breezeways and into the small garden and then into the hall. From the red of their leather armor, Jae could see a spot of black fighting against the tide of so many bodies.

“Donal!” Keral called out to the man as he struggled to get through. “What in the seven hells is goin’ on in there?”

“Keral!” Donal said, waving at him and struggling to catch his breath as he broke free of the throng. “Get Master Jae to safety! The Smoke Mage, he’s in the hall.”

“What?” Keral asked.

Donal scowled at the ranger. “Didn’t you hear me, dammit? Your King’s orders are to get Master Jae to safety! Now man, damn you!”

Before Jae had a moment to say anything, Keral grabbed him up and was running.

“Wait! What about everyone else?” Jae asked, gripping the fabric of Keral’s jerkin. “Warren is still inside. And Nenani!”

“Warren said to get ye to safety and that’s what I’m gonna do,” Keral told him.

“But –!”

“No arguing with me now,” Keral barked. “My big ol’ speech is gonna be nothin’ but a waste of time if that fucker gets his hands on ye again.”

He took a side corridor and slipped down a flight of stone steps. Near the bottom was an old and unassuming wooden door and Keral went inside. He sat Jae down onto his feet before ruffling inside his back pouch for his matches. He struck one and lit a candle sitting on a broken stool off to the side.

“You’ll stay here till it’s safe,” Keral said as he grabbed a folded blanket from the shelf and setting it on the floor near the back wall. “Just keep quiet till I get back, here me?”

“But what about –?”

“No arguing with me I said,” Keral snapped. “Trust me to do my job, Pup. Stay here and stay quiet.”

Jae nodded. “O-okay.”

Keral rose to his feet and pulled the door closed as he slipped out. There in the dark, Jae listened to beating of his own heart before making his way over to the folded blanket and sitting down. Rubbing his still splinted arm, Jae could not help but worry for everyone inside the hall. He thought of Warren and tried to convince himself that the guards would never allow anything to happen to the King.

He thought of Nenani.

Pushing himself back against the wall, he drew his knees up to his chest and watched for a moment as the candle’s warm glow sent the shadows around the room dancing. He felt another panicked wave begin to take hold deep inside and he pressed his forehead to his knees and began to breath. Deep even breathes. Like he had been taught.

One…

Two…

Three...

#DEAD WALLS RISE #g/t #Giant/tiny #G/t story #g/t writing #Jae #Keral #hurt/comfort #Keral is best uncle

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