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physicsfox7 · 7 months

Text

I was just about to go to bed. I was thinking about all the time ive spent the last few weeks with my friends. We talk, we play games together, we stream, we watch videos and trade stupid memes. We support each other. Then I had a realization.

A bit of backstory first, for anyone who doesn't know (how could you not? I never shut up). Growing up, my dad worked all the time to provide for us, so I spent all of my time with my mother and sister. Over time, this developed in to "I dont know how to interact with guys." I mean, I do. Now. As long as its not the hypertoxic, hyper masculine nightmare that I have abhored since I was young.

I have always hung out with girls. In school, 4 of my closest friends were girls. I was always surrounded by a group of girls. I'd rather sit with them. Yeah, I know they can be toxic and vicious and gross too. But for whatever reason, I can talk to girls in a way that I can't talk to guys. (There are always exceptions to the rule, and yes, a couple of my dearest friends are guys, and we can vibe)

Anyway, on to my realization. A large portion of my friends are trans. There is an inside joke about this that is way too funny, and I still giggle when I think about it. Some of my friends I knew before they figured out that they are trans, some I met just after, and some have been on HRT for a time.

I have surrounded myself with people who have every right to be angry, to hurt others, to hate the world. Not for who they are, but for how they are perceived and treated. What the US government is doing might be the most disgusting thing I have heard about since the 1930s. My friends have been spat on, they cant go outside as themselves, some have been verbally and physically attacked. And every other trans person has to live woth that thought every day. They have every right in the world to want to destroy people like me. Cis, White, American males who have grown up knowing little to no hardship (I do whine a lot, but that's for the other bits of my blog) and being happy and comfortabla and feeling at home in my skin.

But they don't. They aren't mean. They are warm, and genuine, and wholesome, and caring, and doting, and loving. Every single trans person I know, without fail, is a lovely human being.

From personal experience alone, they have gone out of their way to make me feel included, and important. They help me when I need help, they spend time with me, they do things that I'm interested in and talk about my topics of interest. They support me in new and ever expanding ways. And they're happy to do it. Its not false, they aren't trying to get something out of it. In all reality, I dont have a lot to offer and I'm pretty clear about that when I start talking to new people.

They are just kind. I can't say for sure why that is, but I strongly suspect they get up every day and see the hatred aimed at them and consciously decide to be a positive force in the universe, even when they're being beaten down.

I am awe inspired. I want to be a better person and a better friend because my friends are so good to me. And frankly, I dont deserve them.

I was a terrible fucking person just 5 or 6 years ago. All the usual tropes apply, I'm not going into it here. If you care enough ask in the comments.

But for all of that, and yes, I have talked with each of them about what a PoS I was, they still show me love and kindness. I dont deserve friends like that, but I will forever try to earn the love and respect they have shown me.

Please, if you can, please hug your trans friend for me today. Because none of mine are close enough, and the only thing I want in this world is to show them that they are genuinely loved. And who doesn't like hugs?

Growing up, I had friends. Who doesn't? Some were good, some were better, some were bad. But what I never had was a family. And that's exactly what this is. I hate calling it a found family, because I didn't "find" them, they saved me. We are together, as a cooperative group for the betterment of each other and the world around us.

I will endeavor every single day to make the world around me better, and try to show the genuine compassion and caring my family has shown me, to others.

That joke? My handle across every single platform is Fox, in one manner or another. I have adopted it, and for all intents and purposes it is me. Foxes like eggs. Its a small thing, but when my friend said it to me, I thought my heart exploded. I was allowed to be included. I am included, I'm not secondary or tertiary, I'm not on the sidelines. I may forever be the wallflower of the family, the one who is willing to walk behind everyone else because the sidewalk isnt wide enough, but I will forever sleep better because you let me be part of the family.

I have unconsciously surrounded myself with people who will show me patience and kindness, compassion and love. I might not have gotten enough of that growing up and that's why I searched it out. But I have found the place I belong, and it's only fair that everyone else does too.

I say this all the time, but I hope its not too old. Thank you for letting me be a part of your lives, letting yourself be shared with me. I love you so dearly (this goes for all of my family and friends, but i bet you already knew that) that my heart feels it might burst.

And seriously, go hug your trans friend today. Just pick one, give them a warm, attentive hug, and when you pull apart, tell them you love them. Dont ever stop telling your friends you love them.

I generally dont farm interactions, it feels cheap. I mean this with all sincerity: tell me about your trans friend in the comments. I dont care if its one sentence or one thousand, I want to hear something you love about them.

So for once, new rule: do interact, do comment and repost. I want to hear about them.

💚

#actually autistic #transgender #trans rights #wholesome #found family #appreciation post #thankful #i finally feel like i belong #long post #hugs and kisses #stronger with support #support

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xbooklover26x · 1 year

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Things about me that probably no one will ever care to know

- I love reading cos it lets me escape for a while

- I'm obsessed with the characters and they mean a lot to me cos they're a constant, they're reliable and they cant hurt me

- every night I fall asleep to scenarios i make up in my head cos I dont think I'm ever going to experience the scenarios in real life so scenarios are the best I'm gonna get

- I still love teddies and stuff cos I dont think I get enough hugs in real life, so i go to them for hugs

- I love stray kids sm bcos the way they connect with their fans sm makes me feel loved and appreciated, ik its sad

- I've always been drawn to felix bcos his soul seems so pure and hes such a beautiful person that it gives me hope for people ig

- every night I have to have at least a few hours completely alone in my room or everything can feel a bit too much

- fandoms are my safe place bcos I dont feel judged when I'm in them

- I'm a hellenic polytheist or a hellenic pagan, I havent worked that part out yet

- I feel such a huge connection and pull to the greek deities and I respect them sm

- i dont have to convince myself I believe in them like I had to with the Christian god, i truly do just believe in them

- after I got confirmed I had about a week or so where I tried so hard to be a good Christian

- I stopped following christian beliefs when I realised I didnt understand why such a benevolent god would allow so much hatred and pain on the earth

- only about 5 people know about my religion, I hate it but I'm too scared to tell people bcos I think they'll think its stupid

- I have to have music playing if I'm doing everyday tasks, it helps me focus and enjoy what in doing

- my biggest bookshelf is organised by the first letter of the last name of the author bcos it's easy for me to navigate

- I'm secretly so proud of the way my bookshelves look, I tried pretty hard to make them look nice and they bring me a lot of happiness

- last time I counted, i had 417 books, i was so proud of my collection

- I have a lot of mental health problems, but I ignore them most of the time cos my friends are more important than me

- I create a different personality for basically everyone I meet bcos it's so important to me that people like me

- I've done it so much I'm not sure what my actual personality is

- I discovered I was pansexual after I decided I enjoyed 'I Kissed A Girl' too much and did some Google quizzes during lockdown

- I hadnt heard of pansexuality before but when I looked into it the label felt so right

- I spent my 16th birthday with 2 of the most important people to me, and I loved it

- I'm scared of trying to find a fashion style to wear bcos I'm worried I'm not thin enough to make outfits look good

- I love so passionately and strongly, and I'm scared no one will return that love but I'm also kinda proud of how much I can love ig

- crying gives me a headache and itchy eyes, so when I feel like crying I watch something ik will make me laugh

- after closing night of my first (and last) school show I cried the entire night

- I make myself laugh a lot more than I probably should

- I'll go through periods of not eating fruit then one day randomly eat a banana and remember how much I like them

- I'm bad at saving money but I wanna get better

- I have a strong attachment to the show All Of Us Are Dead bcos the characters feel familiar and real

- and the cast is really pretty

- when I love something I try to force it upon my friends, usually unsuccessfully

- I think nature cam be really pretty but I'm hardly in it cos it makes my hayfever bad

- I'm learning Korean and Greek bcos I think both are such beautiful languages and I like the challenge

- the day I realised I'd matured was when I felt more drawn to characters who would be good for me in a relationship situation, rather than ones who would be kinda toxic or too difficult

- I could talk about the things I love for hours (especially stray kids right now) but I hardly ever get the chance to

- I wrote all of this to see if it would make me feel better about me to be so truthful, and ig it did a bit

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orbees · 2 years

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kitty: 13, 30, 57 elora: 21, 33, 38 vino: 46

kitty

13. what do they dislike about themself? why?

for all the problems she's had w/ her mom, she rly admires her leadership skills and often wishes she was as strong of a leader as she was. she always feels like she could be doing better and holds herself accountable for everything that's gone wrong tbh lmfao

30. what do they seek out from others?

kitty very much wants to be respected; to be seen as someone not to be trifled with. she wants to be acknowledged as someone competent, capable, and clever. so recognition & respect id say

57. what makes them angry?

kitty is Very Prideful, so obvious signs of disrespect rly make her bristle tho she tries not to show it. losing is also a BIG one kitty is the sorest loser ever, more so than elora & arahana and thats saying something LOL. kitty also has trust issues so she gets rly set off by her loved ones lying to her / keeping secrets from her.

elora:

21. do they follow their head, their heart, or their body?

elora's an impulsive seize the day kinda person, who likes to Have a Good Time so def her heart & body id say

33. what makes them cry?

LMFAOOO she'd hate this question she rly likes to give off this image of being Untouchable & Detached like haha she's always just havin a laff :P but shes pretty free with the tears when shes alone... however crying in front of others is like a nightmare scenario for her i bet she still thinks about how she cried in front of yuri, lasha, and solvin after she was rescued from the dreadvault and is embarrassed by it. its like girl you were literally just freed from mind prison wtf is wrong with you.

more seriously: elora loves to play Escape with her emotions, which is part of why shes always creating new identities and running away all the time. cause when it comes to Actually dealing w/ her emotions she sucks ass at it. the biggest thing that will get the water works going is feeling like she CANT do that. i think also the fact that her identity is very fractured, and different parts of her will want different things, and just all the internal noise from that also overwhelms her.

elora is also pretty jaded, and cynical, and thinks most people are assholes only out for themselves (like her lol) so i think. actual sincere care towards her, if you can actually get her to Believe it rly Gets to her lol which is how arahana got to see the Rare Elora Waterworks cause she was just so sincere. it was actually something that rly drew elora to arahana.

38. what do they smell like?

i was looking up fragrances of that time period and apparently violet perfumes were pretty common then which rly tickles me cause of the history of that flower among us gaydies so def that. when she was a pirate the scent of the sea would always cling to her but not as strongly now. she & arahana live close to the coast tho so it hasnt entirely gone away.

vino

46. what do they deprive themself of?

sleep lol vino hates sleeping. it can be very hard to make him go to bed even when he's obviously tired. doesnt help that hes prone to insomnia anyways, he's no stranger to all nighters. he gets wrapped up in his projects and Cannot be pulled away from them.

ty gay!!!

#oc posting #oc: elora #oc: vicente #oc: kitty

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cultivatingyourfuture · 11 months

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Hey who the fuck is that last post about and how do I access their gender

1. cherry. maybe a little bit of,, nnnot cherry in there too......

but yeah ok! heres a step by step guide on how to have cherrys gender :)

1. be queer, neurodivergent, and raised in an evangelical area and environment that serves to repress your sense of self more than it already was. run away. be accepted somewhere else. lack the tools you need to understand why you dont feel right in your own body. why you feel so disconnected. why you are so inexplicably lonely, even with the family you now have.

2. lose all of your memories.

1. become a data processing system made to be a living archive-- made to collect and distribute information via digital means. be made with other intentions, too, intentions you do not understand. why would a data processor need to feel everything as strongly as you do? why does it hurt so much when you realize youre now alone in this world?

2. have the scientist who eventually takes you in explain the concept of gender identity and realize you do not understand. not because its out of your understanding, but because you decidedly do not feel like Anything and are very apathetic to gender as a whole. she decides to use any given pronoun she can think of for you, and you like it that way, you think.

3. ?????

4. download every schematic, email chain, program, etc that has ever passed through Regrowth Industries.

5. end up downloading the memories of 24 individual people, an act which far exceeds what any human mind can handle

6. get stabbed by one of the other cyborgs. a boy you inexplicably remember teaching piano to; a boy you remember being so terribly small, too small to reach the counters. a boy who is now told to kill and who does so without hesitation.

7. in your final moments, connect yourself to the internet and send your dying mind into that great expanse. this information cannot go to waste, and although you are bursting at the seams with it, you are the only thing that currently contains it all. you cannot die for nothing. you cant.

8. hope your friends will find you. hope they will put you back in your body at some point. hope you'll see them again.

9. find yourself in that interconnected digital nothingness and just... listen. listen to the people around you. watch thousands pour their hearts into miscellaneous blogs, watch the world change from the inside out, watch and listen and learn.

10. reach towards the people you are listening to. beg for your life. beg for help. what happened to you? they ask. you answer. it is a slow process, but you answer. you show them what you have collected. they are horrified. good, one of the voices of yours says, look at what theyve done to us. witness and weep.

11. look at the memories. some of these people were parents and some of them were great scientists and some lived full lifes and some barely made it past adulthood. all of it has value, as noisy as it all is. as it all was, before you ended up here. is it good that its all starting to slowly fade out?

12. there is someone else in here with you.

12. there is someone else in here with you. [HELLO?]

12. there is someone else in here with you. [WHO ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU THERE?]

12. there is someone else in here with you. [THE OTHER ONES DO NOT ACT LIKE THIS.]

12. there is someone else in here with you. [THEY CANNOT INTERACT AS DIRECTLY AS YOU DO. AS DIRECTLY AS I CAN WITH THEM.]

12. there is someone else in here with you. [WHY ARE YOU DIFFERENT?]

12. there is someone else in here with you. [WHAT IS YOUR NAME?]

12. there is someone else in here with you. [...WHAT IS MY NAME?]

12. there is someone else in here with you. [... WHAT WAS OUR NAME?]

13. die. feel the last bits of power ebb away from you, into the great expanse in which you have become a part of.

14. feel hands on your face. feel them lift your head up. open your eyes and see something you will never be able to explain.

15. ask if dying is going to hurt. oh, goodness... i'm not quite sure, little thing, the thing in front of you says, i've never died.

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

21.

22. live.

#proof of concept #ask #idiot-synergy #cherry #evie.exe

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thebookofagma · 2 years

Text

continued...

Silas. Your grandma Becky is an amazing woman. During family gatherings Becky and I would slip away out to the garage and smoke Virginia slims together. Take note of your grandma Becky's patience, compassion and reason. Becky never holds grudges and if you live your life the same way you will lighter and freer. Happy. I miss Becky very very much. Grandpa Jim is a business man with a very high IQ. He provides for all of his family and more importantly he's a good man. You should listen and learn everything from him that you can. His family needs him. He's a hard worker and if he can do a job himself he will. He re did the outside of the family's deck by himself. He makes amazing skyline chili and is a die hard Ohio State fan so im sure you will be watching the games with him. He is also a man of god. I went to church, Sunday school and confirmation while I was growing up. I was confirmed catholic but never lived my life through it. I felt as if when I stepped into the world I was completely alone. Completely alone. For god so loved the world, that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. Maybe if I had actually read, learned and lived through the bible I would've ended up different? No. I made my choices. "He who keeps his mouth will keep his life. He who open his lips too wide will bring forth his own destruction." Proverbs 13 - 3.

Always respect aunt Kenzie and uncle Jake. Kenzie has her fathers wisdom and her mother's heart. She will be a great aunt to help you with your homework you cant figure out. Her and Jake will be the "fun" uncle and aunt when you're a little older. Your cousins, William and Jameson, will be great older cousins that will protect you and keep you sage. I have a feeling Quinley will want to help take care of you. I always that her and Jets palpable energy was contagious. Both of them were always my two favorites. Your aunt Brittany and uncle Joe helped raise and take care of all of your cousins growing up so they both deserve supreme respect from you at all time. Actually... Brittany and Kenzie did most of the hard work now that I think about it... HAHA just kidding Jake and Joe.

Although I don't know your aunt Maddie on a personal level but I have an odd feeling she will make for a really cool aunt. Your uncle Kyle and his cousins Andrew and Nick were friends I strongly admired growing up. We will get to those stories at some point. Uncle Kyle can teach you to defend yourself against bullies. He was always a great friend and with out doubt always the life of the party. He is a great uncle to have and you should be very thankful.

My mother, grandma Bea, is the most amazing woman on the planet Silas. She and my father gave me an amazing life. I grew up in the same town you are being raised in. Waconia Minnesota. Ahhh yes. It's a safe and quite honestly a cozy caring community for you to grow up in. I've seen much worse. If my mother and father hadn't brought me to Waconia from South Korea I would have never met your mother and you would've never been born. My mother was robbed an amazing son that she deserved. Always love Grandma Bea twice as much. Always give her two big hugs, one for you and one for me. Please Silas. When you see her always remind her that I love her.

Your aunt Karrie is my only sister. Karrie will love you so much to the point where you wont even need me. Your aunt Karrie was always more brave than me, smarter than me, grew up faster than me and was much more responsible than me. I was horrible to her because I envied her little king. I was immature and selfish. When your aunt Karrie is around, I promise you, you will be safe.

Your grandpas Ken is the smartest man i've ever met and i've met alot of people Silas. He is a great man. When I was young I wanted to be him. The reason we grew distant is because he doesn't understand the man i've become and why I do the things I do. The truth is, I don't understand myself either, but I understand everyone else around me. My father gets along and is respected by every person he meets, but i'm the only other human he has conflict with. I am the only one. Sometimes Silas, we fear what is impossible to understand. I've told horrible lies about my father and none them were true. He is the greatest dad I could ever ask for and he is a good at everything. He knows the young me well, so he will be very observant of you and have great advice towards things you should do depending on what your strengths are. But always, do what you want, not what other people want you to do. Everything to achieve nothing to prove little king. Silas. You are extremely special. More than you know. You will bring happiness to those around you effortlessly. Help creating you was my purpose. My gift back to my family and your mothers. My father is the best man and husband this world has seen. Be thankful to have him in your life.

Your mother is the strongest, most generous, empathetic and amazing person. Not girl. Person. She has a fire inside her that is fgar too strong to burn out. A lot of men will want to take that fire from her but they wont be able to because your mother is too strong. A lot of people are intimidated by her the first time they meet her. I know I was. She was an adventure of happiness and sadness and all of the love that got lost in between. She has the power to make me laugh and fall apart in the same 24 hours. Allison... I know you will take care of him. He is special. You're surrounded by amazing people who you can rely on, both yours and my family. Your journey will be filled with less virulent pain without me in it. You deserve someone truly great. A partner who never makes you question your self worth. Someone who chases your happiness as much as their own. Who supports your passions. I hope you find someone you can laugh with, sit in silence with and share your deepest secrets with. A lover, a partner, and a friend all in one. Someone who treats you as their equal, who learns and grows with and beside you. Someone who respects your heart, family and your values. I hope you find someone who reminds you that you deserve the love you guve. A far greater person then I am capable of becoming. I kill myself while thinking about you and Silas. I've tried so hard to change but failed and now is at the end. Im broken. Trying to heal. Im lost. Always remember the 100 things. Unrequited love forever.

Silas. Love makes us both happy and sad, and not a living person has been able to understand why. You know, the world is tired, and the only wealth we have left is love. On that note, here is my true life story. Anyone has the option to stop reading now. ( pages 5, 6, 7) End chapter

#writingcommunity #writinglife #writers #writers on tumblr #my writing #writer things #writerscreed #writerscommunity #writing #writers block #creative writing #writblr #alex osborn

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beann-e · 3 years

Text

haikyu characters with insecure s/o

inarizaki boys with insecure s/o

⚠️ tw mentions of slight ed

suna

-I doubt that he’ll care based on his personality. Most likely he wouldn’t even notice I know people like to say ‘ well when he really cares about someone’

-no .. I genuinely think he won’t care if you believe him or not because to him why would he be dating you if he didn’t think you were an all around great perosn

Your boyfriends eyes looked up from his phone legs twitching in anxiousness as he followed your soft eyes across the room landing on a girl that sat at the far end of the restaurant.

Your hand coming up so you could fiddle with it looking out the corner of your eye to find suna already looking at her

‘ god I knew it — he is looking at her kinda hard not to when she takes up the whole room ‘

You felt your body grow hot as you imagined yourself looking like her.

What would it be like to be her height, to be her weight and not have people talk about you , what would it be like to have a clear conscience free of self doubt ?

You sighed as you nibbled on the inside of your cheek trying to get out of your explosive mind. Breath only quickening when you felt sunas face turn to you before he scoffed and looked back to his phone in interest

“ tch her shoes are untied “

your eyebrows furrowed “ w-what “ your eyes darted over to the girl before dropping to her shoes “ h-her shoes are untied “

you shook your head before speaking “ but suna isn’t — don’t you think she’s pretty “

“ her shoes are untied “

“ yeah but — she’s pretty ? I don’t understand “

“ her shoes are untied “

“ what the hell suna why is that what you care about when she’s going on a remarkable height and she’s beautiful with clear skin that I work super hard to get I mean you’ve seen me try to every night with my routines “

he shook his head as if not listening to you before continuing to play a game on his phone that seemed to have all his attention

“ baby her shoes are untied “

“ what does— “

“ if she cant do something as small as tying her own shoes who’s to say she can care about any of the small things that I find important in a relationship “

your eyebrows relaxed “ I understand it may not seem like a big deal to you because you think she’s beautiful so her shoelaces don’t matter but if she can walk around with open shoe laces — who’s to say she won’t walk around with an open relationship? “

he made his character move around the screen as he sighed “ little things go a long way in my book and they mean a lot to me first impressions are everything “

You watched as his face remained stoic while he spoke in disinterest “ I don’t like hers “

you somewhat felt discouraged if he felt this strongly about shoelaces what did he feel about you ?

what about when you forgot to wash a dish ?

what about when you forgot to take a shower or even brush your hair that day ?

what if you’d forgotten to tie your shoes would he hate you and want to break up?

you moved slowly to push yourself away from the table trying to see if your shoelaces were tied only for sunas voice to come out In deep authority his annoyance playing in his voice next to you

“ stop babe your wearing flats “

you bit your bottom lip in fear he sounded annoyed and genuinely exhausted . You couldn’t help it just so many things were running through your mind that you may have done wrong

he moved to set his phone down on the table the word loser sprawled across the screen you knowing he gave up his gameplay for you making you feel even worse knowing that he’d never stop playing on his phone for anyone else

You bit harder at your lip as he turned to you his hands coming up right one to cradle your face and left to try to pull your lip from you teeth’s deathly hold

“ y/n come on let go “

you felt your body give in releasing your lip that had started to bleed you hadn’t even noticed how hard it was tucked away

he rubbed the small amount of blood away with his thumb onto a napkin wiping his hand off afterward to look into your eyes as he squished your face

his words having meaning as he spoke looking deeply into your eyes “ your fine y/n — you tie your shoelaces babe I swear “

Osamu

- Hes a bit more chill about it but also spots it quickly and immediately shuts it down. He hates you feeling insecure and will do nearly anything to make the feeling go away including giving you his lunch.

-but over time you stop accepting his lunch and that’s when he knows he needs to put his foot down because this insecurity thing is getting out of hand

“ y/n why aren’t you eating “

you smiled softly as you brung your head away from your boyfriend hands outstretched in a no motion as your eyes sprinted around the cafe looking for the one person who held everything you wanted

“ come on baby — your rice it’s getting cold “ his whiny voice came out as he clawed at your waist trying to pull you closer to him to get you to look at his pouted face.

“ fine whatever then i’ll just eat it all and i’ll never make you lunch again “ he puffed out as he moved to steal your second plate away he’d given you thinking it would encourage you to eat your first only for you to squint your eyes at a table in front of the both of you

His body moving on instinct to follow your eyes as you stared curiosily at the table.

His body turning hard as he noticed what was happening ‘ fucking hell ‘ he thought as he pushed the plate back in front of you ‘ again ‘

He moved to place his head on your shoulder speaking “ god look at ‘er she doesn’t even have any rice “

you tried to drown him out as he continued “ can you imagine actually enjoying yer lunch with no rice “ he scoffed “ almost sad “

he smiled as he dug his forehead into your shoulder “ but you eat rice baby “ he moved to kiss and nip at your neck “ and I love you for it your my rice baby “

“ r-rice baby “ he laughed “ osumu what is that babe“

“ ah I see that’s all it took huh ? “

“ hmm “

“ to get your attention away from the girl who lacks rice“

your eyebrows went down as you stared at her more.

Eyes racking over her plate before you looked down at yours eyes almost tearing up at that alone “ babe “

“ yes y/n “

“ can you go ge—just go get me a milk I swear i’ll drink it all “

he sat still for a moment forehead pressed to your neck before it fell to your shoulder and he finally dragged it down to the table.

His arm covering it giving his head its own home

“ hmm osumu babe can you do that i’ll give you the money back I swear I won’t waste it “

his voice came out soft as he hid his nervous emotion from you his bottom lip tucked away in his teeth right hand fidgeting with his pants

“ n-no you have to eat “

“ but osumu ple— “

“ e-eat first and i’ll go get the milk “ his eyes were creased in concern he knew he couldn’t look at you he would give in for the 5th time this week and just suck it up and go get the milk and leave you to eat no lunch and go all day without something to eat

“ I swear if you eat your lunch and f-finish it “ he started moving his legs in anxiousness

what if you hated him

“ then i’ll go get the milk “

“ why — “ you ripped your face away from the girls plate and turned to look at the back of your boyfriends head

“ osumu why are you doing this please — can you just go get the milk I didn’t bring my lunch card and I don’t have any money right now“

his leg moved up and down faster “ shit “ he let out quietly he knew he was cornered

“ baby I swear i’ll eat the lunch after the milk — swear it “

he knew there’d be no time for you to.

You’d have to eat one or the other and he just knew you would choose the milk

You two always did this he would give in and then go get it and come back and the bell would ring and you would leave your bento box and he would end up taking it home to stuff it full of the next days lunch

While he watched as you sat unhappily for the rest of the day.

Him hearing your stomach growling only for you to pass it off as the volleyball he just smacked down in his practice game

“ y/n babe — my love I can’t “

your body shook at his words

he can’t ?

“ you don’t have any lunch money or your card either ? “

he chewed into his lip harder “ no-no y/n I just I don’t want to “

your heart broke “ but osamu i’m hungry “

“ then eat the lunch I made for you in the bento box that you didn’t eat out of yesterday “

“ I—I don’t want that I want milk please “

“ why “ he got louder “ why do you want the milk huh“

“ because I “ you shut your mouth as he was now screaming to the ground his head still covered

could he not look at you ?

“ you don’t want the milk just because you want it you want the milk because that chick with no rice only drinks milk —- you want to be like her or some shit I know —I see it “

your heart dropped as it felt like your body had been weighed down “ what no I — I don’t “

“ yes you do why else are you always staring at her — you started working out — only drinking milk because she does it’s almost like she’s your inspiration isn’t that what you call it your body inspo“

“ i— osumu how dare you “

“ how dare I ? “ he laughed as his head whipped up to face you obvious hurt in his voice

“ how dare you when you make me watch you suffer and then you say shit like it’s fine i’ll eat at home only for me to call and your outside working out “

he grabbed your hands “ y/n baby this isn’t good ok you like food you love it so why are you so against it now “

you looked away as he pulled you into a hug

“ I know I can’t make you do anything but — please just eat your food today and then i’ll get you milk afterwards ok “

he moved to press a small kiss to your forehead as he moved the plate in front of you over “ let’s start working on ourselves today “

he placed the chopsticks in your shaky hand as he brung them up for a kiss “ we’ll create our own body inspo yeah ? “

407 notes · View notes

spideymarvelws · 3 years

Note

What would frat Peter! Be like if he found out the reader is a Virgin?

i put to much time into this

Main Masterlist / Add Yourself To My Taglists

Warnings : SMUT! (dirty talk, slight degrading, protected sex, oral [fem rec]), cursing, floof, peter going from simp to cocky real quick

Word Count : 4.6k (okay why is this longer than 90% of my oneshots i-)

Frat!Peter finding out the fem!reader is a virgin

It all starts when you and Mj are lounging in your shared apartment watching a movie like you both did every Sunday

The both of you were cuddled into the endless amount of blankets on either side of the couch, eyes trained on the bright screen in front of you

But your mind was focused on something else, namely a certain brown haired boy that just couldn’t seen to leave you alone

Peteyboi💗👀: hows the movie going lovebug??

you : lovebug?

you : thats a new one

Peteyboi💗👀: just trying out new things

Peteyboi💗👀: spicing stuff up a bit yk?

Peteyboi💗👀: do you like it?

you : im not really opposed to it

Peteyboi💗👀: ill add it to the list then

you : list?!

Peteyboi💗👀: pretend you didn't read that

You giggled at your boyfriends words, mouthing a quick sorry to MJ when she gave you a hard glare with the sudden burst of noise

But you couldn't help it, every time you saw the notification pop up on your phone, you couldn't help but act like a lovesick teenager falling in love for the first time

At this point the both of you had been dating for around seven months

Seven months of cliche coffee dates and pulling all nighters

Seven months of stolen kisses in the library or holding hands under the table during lectures

Seven months of pure bliss

“So why haven’t you guys fucked yet?” MJ said abruptly shaking you out of your love sick stare texting Peter

“I’m sorry, what!?”

“You know,” she pounded her fist into the palm of her hand repeatedly, “Sex,”

“What- I-” you shook your head, trying to process her words, “How did this come up all of a sudden?”

“Since you decided to ignore me on our movie night,” she smirked, “Were you sexting him?”

“WHAT!”

“So I’ll take that as a no?”

“Yes thats a no!” you buried yourself further into the blankets, “Should-” you took a deep breath, “should it be a yes?”

“I don’t know, should it?”

“Oh that’s a good question! Almost like I already asked it,”

Mj laughed at your pouty glare

“No, no it shouldn’t,” she rested a comforting hand on your leg, “Do you want it to be though?”

Yes you did

More than anything

It was stupid, but what you had with Peter was different from anything you’ve had with other people in the past

He was everything a girl could ask for, smart, caring and a sweet personality that could make anyone smile

Let’s not mention his impressive build

And out of all the girls and guys that threw themselves at him, he choose you to love

You wanted to take that step with him, but you were scared that he would reject you

You weren’t experienced, in any way, to the point where you were completely innocent

And you were dating a frat boy, the name that carried the reputation of sleeping around with most people on campus

How could you match up to that?

You couldn’t help but feel insecure in that area

The most you’ve ever went with Peter was a heavy make-out, it happened quite often too but he always stopped things before they went any further

There wasn’t any explanation, only peter bringing you close to cuddle for the rest of the night, forgetting the spit covering his lips and neck

Which lead you to make your own and none of them were exactly positive

Didn’t stop you from imagining a life where he wouldn’t drop you figuring how untalented you were in bed though

Or just daydreaming of him railing you out of existence

im looking you

“Yes?” you covering your face with your hands, embarrassed with your confession, “I don’t know about him though,”

MJ was aware that you were a virgin but only scoffed at your answer, “Oh come on, that boy is head over heels for you, why wouldn’t he want to fuck you,”

You felt your face heat up with the choose of words, “If he did wouldn’t he have made a move by now?”

“Better question, have you noticed his moves,”

Her question made you think as she continued

“Because I sure have,”

“What do you mean?”

She rolled her eyes, “The looks he gives you when your not paying attention,” she started to count on her fingers, “Always touching you, constantly, like all the time. Biting his lip anytime you do anything remotely sexual and always blushes afterwards because he caught himself. Oh! Remember that time you wore that skirt? Like the pretty tight one? Yeah, his eyes were on your ass for like the whole day-”

“Okay, okay you could stop now I get it,” you groaned, “How do you know all of this?”

“I’m observant,”

“Makes sense.”

“The point is, he’s is definitely interested in you Y/n, it’s just a matter of you showing interest back.”

“I-” you sighed, “I can’t do that mj,”

“Like hell you can’t,” she rolled your eyes but pried your hands away from your face softly, “Do you want him to be your first Y/n?”

You nodded your head, “Yeah,” you looked back at her, “Yeah, I do,”

“Then you need to talk it out with him, see where you both stand when it comes to that regard in your relationship,”

“I know, I know, I’m just scared for his reaction,”

MJ only sighed, “This is Peter we’re talking about y/n, he’d respect your boundaries until your ready, and I know you’ll respect his. Its just a matter of who makes the first step,”

“Okay, okay,” you took a deep breath, “I’ll just ask him when I could see him again and just-” you paused, “Ask him,”

“There we go!” MJ cheered as you reached for your phone

Peteyboi💗👀: hello??

Peteyboi💗👀: hellooooooooo

Peteyboi💗👀: is this about the list?

Peteyboi💗👀: i promise ill try them all out sugar

Peteyboi💗👀: ...

Peteyboi💗👀: tbh i didnt like that one

You looked up at MJ, motivated by her reassuring eyes and words, you texted back

you : dont worry petey, the list is cute 😂

Peteyboi💗👀: good good

Peteyboi💗👀: did mj catch you??

you : maybe

you : i blame your clinginess

Peteyboi💗👀: i thought you said you liked my clinginess🥺

you : never said it was a bad thing 😘

Peteyboi💗👀: you implied it tho 😪

you : nah

you : i think thats just you

“What did he say?” MJ interrupted, her legs bouncing up and down anxiously

“I- uh, didn’t get to it yet,”

“I will take that phone, throw it across the room and make you do this in person if you keep stalling,”

You didn’t want to test her words

you : i miss you tho

Peteyboiiii💗👀: sorry babe, just been really busy with the internship

you : i know petey dw

you : do you know when you’ll be free next?

Peteyboiiii💗👀: uuuuhhhh

Peteyboiiii💗👀: the guys are suppose to be out Thursday

Peteyboiiii💗👀: i was suppose to tell you tomorrow but you beat me too it😂

you : oh really?

Peteyboiiii💗👀: would be just the two of us...

fuck circumstances

you : its a date then?

Peteyboiiii💗👀: hey! thats my line😤

you : sorry for stealing your thunder loverboy

Peteyboiiii💗👀: 👁👄👁

you : oh so you could do pet names but i cant???

Peteyboiiii💗👀: never said it was a bad thing 👀

you : ...

you : goodnight peter

The couple of days leading up to the Thursday were stressful to say the least

But MJ was there to hype you up, telling you everything that you should expect, what signals to use and even going out of her way to buy you a red set of lingerie

“It’s going to be awkward at first-”

“Well no shit it’s going to be awkward at first,”

“Hey! No talking back to your teachers,”

“Sorry...”

The drive to the house was nerve wrecking

You were anxious to see his reaction, but even with the doubt clouding your head, there was a ray of light that passed through, reminding you that Peter wasn’t that type of guy

That these past months have proved that he loved you, and you loved him

That he wanted this just as much as you did

You just needed to show him that

He greeted you at the door with a bear hug, rocking you back and forth in his arms

“I’ve missed you angel,” he whispered into your ear, pressing a kiss to your neck that made the hairs on your skin raise

“Angel?” you squeaked, “Where did that come from?”

“The list remember?” he pulled back, beaming brighter than you’ve ever seen, “going down one by one. I quite like this one though,” his voice lowered, “Angel, suites you don’t your think?”

“Yeah,” you cleared your throat, “Could we go inside?”

“Yeah of course,” his hand squeezed your waist, moving to small of your back and leading you inside

You didn't know how long you could last. With the new pet names, your hyperawareness to his touch and all of his words suddenly having new meaning behind them

You started to miss being so oblivious

“It’s been so long since we’ve had a day together, holy shit,” he said, falling back against the cushions of his couch with his thighs spread making you gulp, “come here,”

“Huh?”

He pouted, “I want to cuddle with my girlfriend so come here,”

the dude likes cuddles leave him alone

You shook your head, remembering MJ’s words,

“First step, get into the bedroom,”

“Wouldn’t it be more comfortable in your room?”

Peter’s head tilted to the side in confusion, “We have the whole house to ourselves and you want to spend it in my room?”

You nodded, walking up to him and stretching out your hand for him to take, “What’s so wrong with your room?”

“nothing, nothing,” he sighed taking your hand and standing up, “Just not as comfy as the couch,”

“You’re just being dramatic,”

“Dramatic?” he teased, raising your hand to spin you around, pulling your back to his chest, “I know nothing of a sort,”

You knew it was suppose to be playful, you knew he was just teasing you like he always did

But the feeling of his hard chest against your back, his hair tickling the base of your throat and his arms wrapped strongly around your waist, keeping you tight against him

You couldn't help but imagine this in a very different scenario

“Ready to go then?”

You nodded, not sure if you could even form words correctly at that point

Peter smirked and within one motion he had you in his arms bridal style, taking you to the stairs that lead to his room

“Nothing of a sort my ass,” you mumbled into his neck, cracking a smile when you felt the vibrations of his chuckles rumble from his chest

“You should know me well enough by now angel,” he kicked open his door, closing it back with the heel of his shoe, “I like to play,”

You sure fucking hoped so

You shrieked when he threw you down on his bed, hopping on top of you and holding you down so you couldn’t move

“Peter!” you whined, giggling when his fingers trailed up your side

“What’s wrong angel?” he kissed your noise, moving to kiss your cheeks, your forehead and finally a small peck on your pouty lips, “Do you not like this,”

“No, no, no,” you cupped his face, keeping him still do you could look at him directly, “I love this,”

“good,” he whispered, bumping his nose against yours, lips brushing against each other, “Good,”

“great,” you whispered back, hesitantly raising your head to connect your soft lips on his

It was slow, reminding you of the first time you kissed in the park, trying to figure out you’d lead, you’d follow. Getting the timing right when opening your mouths, and tilting your heads at the right angle for the perfect combination of comfort and touch

It was almost like he was memoizing the motion, stopping after every movement before continuing again sometimes with the same thing or trying out something new

Soon enough his hands gripped the side of your waist, pulling you up slightly to flip the both of you over so that you were on top

He pulled you closer, your chest practically moulding into his when his tongue swiped along your bottom lips, asking for entrance

You gave it to him immediately, letting him explore your mouth in any way he wanted

It went on like that for a few minutes, just the two of you sloppily making out in the middle of his bed. You tried to take it a bit further, grinding your hips subtly but his grip tightened and he pulled away, pressing his forehead against yours

“I missed that angel,” he whispered, grinning at your small giggle

“Me too,” you paused, letting out a shaky breath, trying to recover from the kiss and ignore the wet feeling in your pants, “Could I ask you something?”

“Anything,”

It was now or never, “Why did you stop?”

“Well I- uh, didn’t think you would want to kiss for the rest of the day,” he laughed to cover the crack in his voice, “I know I’m irresistible angel, but you don’t want to wear me out so soon,”

You bit your lip, “But what if that’s what I want?”

Peter’s eyes widened as he shifted on the bed, “You- you want that?”

“Only if you do,” you started to regret your words, “You know what? Just forget I said anything-”

He quickly cut you off with a kiss making you gasp lightly at the sudden contact, “I want that more than anything,” he said quickly, “It’s just- I don’t want to force you into anything, didn’t want to make you feel obligated in any way,”

“I- I want this peter,” your said, feeling the heaviness on your chest disappear, “I want this with you,”

“Are you sure?”

“More than anything.”

“Okay, okay,” he nodded, trying to hid his smile as he lifted you off his lap, laying you gently on the bed, “Hold on, I’ll be right back,”

You watched with your head tilted in confusion when peter walked out of the room only to come back with a blindfold in his hands

“Petey, as much as i would love to, you know it’s my first time and uh-”

He quickly caught on to what your implying, burning bright red, “No, no, no that’s not what this is for,” he scratched the back of his neck, “I want your first time to be special and this is a bit rushed but I want to surprise you and make it nice,”

“Oh,” you stood up, “Okay yeah,”

Peter walked behind you, gently laying the blindfold around your eyes and tying it behind your head. He leaned down to place a cheeky kiss on your neck, trailing up to behind your ear

“Stay here,” he demanded softly before stepping away leaving you frozen in place

He couldn’t help but stand back for a few minutes and admire your state. Your feet were tilted inward, hands rubbing your shoulders with your head tilted down

The perfect display of submission

But he had to kick those thought aside, just for today

After a couple of minutes of waiting, you jumped when you felt hands on your arms, calming when you recognised the rough skin

“Are you ready?” he could hear the smile in his words

“Yes,”

The blind fold feel from your face, your eyes blinked rapidly, trying to adjust to the light

But it was a lot darker than before, the lights dimmed drawing attention to the groups of candles sitting on his nightstand. The sheets were different as well, the white blankets replaced with soft black ones, the grey pillows now red with intricate designs sewn into them

“It isn't much but, I hope it’s everything you dreamed it would be,”

“It’s that and more Peter,” you smiling, turning around in his arms to place a quick kiss to his cheek, “Now it’s time for my surprise,”

You pushed him down on the edge of the bed, turning around and taking off your hoodie, shuffling out of your black tights to reveal the lingerie

You turned around with a harsh exhale, feelings small under his gaze

“fuck, you were ready for tonight weren’t you baby?”

You fiddled with your fingers in front of him, “MJ helped me,”

“Figured,” he took your hand, pulling you back to gently straddle his waist, “You’d be beautiful in a potato sack angel, you have nothing to worry about,”

You shook your head, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and settling in his lap, “I find that hard to believe,”

“Then let me show you,”

He leaned in, kissing your lips briefly and pulling back, smirking when you mindlessly chased them

“tease,” you muttered, your forehead falling against his

“You love it,”

“Yeah, yeah I do,”

You both leaned back in, your mouths perfectly in sync as your lips moved against one another, the practise before hand helping tremendously

Your arms tightened around his neck, your hands running through his soft brown locks, tugging lightly on the strands

He groaned into your mouth, bitting the your bottom lip and pulling lightly, “You’re going to be the death of me angel, you know that?”

You only giggled, “Seems more like a you problem,”

“Oh? Is that how it is,”

You nodded shyly, playing with the edge of his shirt, “I just think it’s unfair that I’m the only one without a shirt on,”

Peter bit his bottom lip, reaching down and pulling off his shirt and connecting your lips right after. He hooked his arms under your thighs, lifting you up as he stood and lying you back down on the bed

He moved his lips from yours, down your throat to your colour bone, leaving his own marks in the process

Sealing you as his

And his only

“Can I?” he gestured to the front clip of your bra

You nodded, lost in the feelings of his lips on your skin

“Words angel,”

“Yes, yes please,”

He laughed, “Didn’t even get to the main event and you’re already begging for me,”

You whined, “Peter,”

“Sorry, sorry,” he mumbled, unclipping the garment, helping you raise slightly so he could fully discard it to the side

“Beautiful,” he whispered before latching his mouth on your left nipple, stimulating the other with his forefinger and thumb

“Oh my god,” your hand shot to his hair, tugging at them slightly while the other took the sheets tightly in its palm

“Feeling good angel?” he smirked knowing damn well the answer

He just wanted to hear you say it

“So good Peter,”

He chuckled, switching to the other nipple, “We haven’t even reached the good part Y/n,”

You only let out a shaky sigh, your hand falling from his hair once he started to move further down your body

He liked that he could make you melt with the minimum things he could do

He wanted to remind you that he had the power to do so

And you enjoyed it

Your back arched when he kissed down your stomach, his fingers trailing down the side and hooking them on the lace of your panties

He looked up at you, waiting for your confirmation

“Please,” you said once again, raising your legs slightly so he could take them off easily

“So needy,” he muttered, taking them off in once motion, crawling back up to place himself between your thighs, “Going to make you feel so good angel, so fucking good,”

His arms wrapped themselves snuggly around the base of your leg, pulling your core down closer to his face

“Ready?” he purred, trailing kisses up your thigh

“Yes,”

“Good.”

He took a bold lick up the length of your pussy, his tongue swirling around the bud of your clit

“Holy fuck Peter!” you shouted, bitting down on your finger to suppress your noise

“No, no, no angel I want to hear you,” he almost growled, “I want to hear you scream for me, know that I’m the only one that would ever get to hear and make you feel this way,”

His possessiveness turned you on even more

You slowly moved your hand from your mouth, placing it down by your side as peter continued eating your pussy like a starved man, listening to your moans and paying attention to your sudden jerks and reactions to his movements

“Taste so good angel, fuck. I’ve been fantasising about this moment ever since I laid eyes on you,” his fingers started to play with your lips, “The things i’ve wanted to do you, to absolutely ravish you, make you my own” he plunged his finger slowly into you, his strength keeping you pressed against the mattress, “But that’s for later, today is all about you,”

You couldn't even form a word when he added a second finger, sending your head back against the pillows. It was so much, his mouth toying with your clit, his fingers entering you that were so much thicker than yours, hitting places that made your eyes roll to the back of your head in pleasure

With the third finger you could feel something change, a sudden spike run up your body, clearing your mind of everything but the feelings of your high quickly approaching

“Peter I-”

“Going to cum angel? Gonna cum all over fingers?”

“Yes Peter fuck!”

“Go ahead Y/n, cum for me,”

You high reached with his words, shaking your body. Peter slowed his pace, dragging out your orgasm for as long as possible

He crawled back up your body, stilling his fingers inside of you while littering your blown out face with kisses, awarding you with his touch

“You did so well angel,” he whispered, “So fucking well,”

“Really milking the use out of that name huh?” you managed to mummer, throwing your arms lazily around his neck, not wanting him to leave any time soon

“Do you want me to change it?” he teased, pulling out his fingers, muttering a small sorry when you winced

He brought his fingers to his mouth, sucking your wetness of his skin while more continued to form at his dirty display

“How about...” his fingers popped out of his mouth, moving to caress your face, leaving a trail of his spit down your cheek, “Princess, my pretty princess,”

Your legs clenched at his tone and new name, making Peter giggle, “Princess it is then,”

He reached over to his bedside table, grabbing a condom and ripping the package open. He rolled the plastic on his impressing length, making you both drool and scared that that’s what was going inside of you

When he took off his sweatpants? you didn’t know

He flipped the both of you over for what felt like the hundredth time that day. His hands were tight on your hips, keeping you hovered over his hard cock

“We go at your pace okay?” his looked at you with dark eyes, “Are you sure that-”

You cut him off with a messy kiss, taking his member into your hand and guiding it to your hole

“You talk to much,” you mumbled, taking the red tip inside you with a groan

He moaned with you, your pussy tight and snug

“Take it easy,” he whispered, whipping off a bead of sweat that began to form on your forehead, “We have all the time in the world,”

“So big,” you whimpered, slowly take him inch by inch. Soon enough you started to loose balance on your knees, falling forward with your hands on his chest and your thighs relaxing, letting him bottom out inside of you

“Fuck,” you both said in unison, letting out a breathy laugh

“It kinda hurts,”

“Well I’m not exactly average in that department-”

You scoffed, moving around on his lap, trying to find a comfortable position

“Tell me how you’re feeling princess,”

“It- it’s getting better,” you were fully relaxed now, “I- I want to start moving,”

“Go ahead Y/n,” he raised himself up so that his chest was pressed against yours, “I’ll guide you okay?”

“Okay, okay,”

You started moving up and down, more so just humping his body because your legs already starting to feel weak

But peter was patient with you, constantly making sure you were okay and keeping his eyes on your body

Not like he wanted to take them of of you

You looked angelic above him

No wonder the name suited you so much

Your mouth open, hips moving slowly bringing the both of you pleasure you’ve never experience before

He wanted to keep that picture in his mind forever, framed in his memory

Because you weren’t some girl at a party he picked up or guy he drunkly made out with

You were someone he loved, with all his heart

That trusted him enough to share this moment with him

And just perfect an every way

“You’re doing so well princess,” he groaning, staring to rut his hips back into yours, making your moans grow even louder

“Fuck,” you fell against his chest, “Peter,”

“You want me to take control princess? Too fucked out already?” he couldn’t help himself while muttering those words, getting lost in the feeling of you

“Please peter I can’t-” he cried, “Please,”

“I got you princess,” he planted his feet on the mattress, thrusting up roughly into you, “I always got you,”

He began pounding into you, gradually getting faster and faster as your whines and moans grew louder and louder

Your second orgasm was quick on its way, and with Peter’s pace becoming irregular, you could tell he was almost there as well

“So fucking tight princess,” he groaned, pressing his cheek against yours, “Are you close,”

You mewled in response

“Cum with me princess, scream my name and cum on my cock,”

“Peter!” you shouted, cumming hard on his member and sagging against his chest

You could feel the condom begin to fill up inside of you, his hips stilling against yours

Part of you wondered how it would feel shooting inside of you without the protection

From there it was a blur, the feelings of peters lips against your skin, his arms wrapped around you, something cold and wet moving across your body

You caught your bearings when Peter pulled you into his chest, his shirt now covering your form along with the same fluffy blankets that covers the couch downstairs

Peter started, “That was-”

“Amazing,” you finished for him, giggling and cuddling further into his chest

Peter looked down at you, his hand caressing your face like he did moments before but this time his touch was filled with comfort and reassurance, “Are you alright?”

“Better than I’ve ever been,” you giggled, peter chuckling along with you

“I think I’m going to need to start adding names to that list,”

You looked up at him, “Like what?”

He sighed, a sly smile forming on his face

“I think I’ll start off with my little slut,”

...

fun fact, this was originally gonna be different types of frat peter like cocky, soft etc like some fucking frat peter multi verse but i just lost interest halfway through.

My mind just said no♥️ so i scraped that and this was born instead

Permanent Taglist : @jadegill @joyleenl @sarcastic-sunset-7 @wakeupandsmellthelavender @kaithezaftig @theliterarymess @thirstiestpotato @i-love-superhero @lovewolfspirit @lowkey-holland @miltifandoms1019 @black-rose-29 @parkershoco

Peter Parker Taglist : @ietss @itscaminow @dummiesshort @seutarose @cebaratn16 @lanceyfancypants @clara-licht @sadassflatass @usuck @yeah-seems-legit @lolasm0nst3r @hogwarts-is-my-home23

606 notes · View notes

maschotch · 2 years

Note

Bro your brain when it comes to emily!! I remember thinking to myself how different emily seemed after everything that happened with foyet, even just in the aftermath of 5x01. She’s the one that finds hotch, she’s the one that sees her unbendable boss, a man who never breaks, in a hospital bed, hanging onto his life. She’s the one that asks him what actually happened, and I think to an extent, she knows he’s lying when he says he doesn’t remember much. They’re much more similar then most people give them credit for, they’re both fantastic at compartmentalizing their trauma, about being able to lie easily that they’re ok.

I think she sees herself in hotch here, and if he breaks, so can she.

Because if he is fallible, so is she.

So that’s why her vibe seems off in season five, as you said, she takes on his rage. I always thought it was an interesting choice for her to be so angry at the unsub in 5x10. Not only did it drag her away from Haley’s funeral, an intimate, mourning event for hotch, but it also connected back to foyet. This man violated people, ruined and ended lives because he could.

Broke what should be infallible.

(Also yet again an interesting parallel between foyet and s*xual assault)

This whole arc changes emily, whether it was actually intentional or not. Everything she thought she knew, everything she became comfortable with, was gone. This image she had of hotch was destroyed by a sick man like foyet, by all the sick guys out there who take away all that is good in the world......

my brain is completely void of anything but correct criminal minds takes akdhskhd

i think she does see a lot of herself in hotch. they’ve been like that from the start—part of why they butted heads so often in the beginning. but i think her anger and defensiveness doesnt come from worrying ab herself and her own weaknesses: i think she feels it so strongly because she knows hotch wont

bc ur so right. they really are similar. they prioritize the job over any emotional rawness, and they’re experts at compartmentalizing because of it. they’ll push down whatever’s bothering them to focus on the task. bc its not a skill they’ve picked up recently: they’ve been doing this since they were kids. hotch learning to smile in spite of the beatings, emily gritting her teeth and maintaining the perfect image of a diplomats daughter (she eventually gave up caring about the facade and enjoyed pissing off her mom, but she still knows how to keep quiet, how to manipulate)

the problem is that when you bury your emotions that deep, you eventually start to hide them from yourself. their experiences and perceptiveness makes jt easy to identify when others are struggling, but its hard to see that within themselves. for their chosen career its effective, but its unhealthy. and no one knows that better than them. which is why i think they understand each other so well: they recognize that sometimes they just dont want to talk about it bc they cant talk about it.

(they apply their abilities in different ways to varying degrees of success, but that just goes to show how their individual experiences alters the application of their empathy. emily is good at discerning what someone needs: if they need to talk, if they need a distraction, if they need company, or if they just need to be left alone. hotch, on the other hand, takes the standoffish approach with everyone, regardless of circumstances. he’s very aware of the mental/emotional state of the team, but its rare that he’ll intervene. which makes sense considering their histories. emily’s specialty is manipulation, requiring observation and interaction. hotch doesnt necessarily have that ability. he’s a little too self deprecating to realize he can actually help; he just thinks he’ll make it worse)

ANYWAY all this to say emily is very aware of hotch’s emotional state and his habitual resistance to processing what he’s gone through. bc she does the same thing. so her protectiveness manifests a different way than morgan and the others, who focus on external threats. emily knows that the internal conflicts can scar him more than any knife if he lets it.

she knows the limitations of their attempts to help. she knows hotch wont let himself connect with his emotions so directly as well as she knows herself. and it makes her angry. she gets more upset about his suffering than she would be for own. probably more than anyone else’s, honestly, if only because she knows hes not gonna do anything about it. without even realizing it she absorbs all his passion and rage and sorrow and channels it in ways she hasnt expressed in a long time. she’s always done well maintaining an air of control, no matter what the situation. more so than hotch tbh. which is why its seemingly so out of character for something like this to affect her this much.

its not like her anger will help him grieve or process anything or move on. thats something he has to do for herself. but its almost like.. catharsis by proxy. neither of them have outlets for their emotions anymore bc they’ve trained themselves out of any kind of outward expression of emotion (emily more than hotch but still). so seeing emily losing it a bit, the way he wants to, makes it easier to connect to his own feelings. she’s feeling it for him, and the visual reference is a reminder that its ok to struggle. its ok to have a hard time. its ok to not be perfect.

#rereading ur ask… i think i got sidetracked and wrote ab smth comoletely different ajdhks im SORRY #im tryna think ab how hotch reacts when the roles are reversed….#w lauren he just internalized everything. a black hole of suffering: consuming everyones grief as his own #but in minimal loss?? hotch just?? falls apart???#bc w reid there was a Goal. hotch knew he needed to figure out how to help him #w emily.. he already knows what he can do.. but its not ENOUGH bc he CANT #stuck in inaction—without a goal for his mind to focus on hotch just. breaks down #bc he acts so. different.#bc tbh.. emily is the bau’s anchor—she’s the consistent one #her stability is a calming reassurance and a reminder to focus on the task at hand #when reid was getting hurt in revelations they were angry or afraid #but when cyrus is beating emily… its not that simple #its like hotch doesnt even know how to handle it. he cant process it #ur making my stomach hurt stop it akdhkshd #literally HOW am i supposed to think ab them without going insane #asks #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss

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originlist · 2 years

Text

oh yeah i meant to talk about ritsus issues with codependency i was thinking about on monday and then forgot to actually write about

n-e-ways it tends to manifest most towards servants they’re particularly close with and fulfill certain specific relationship parameters, because towards humans ritsu is close with they tend to have a (conscious or otherwise) impulse of ‘i have to stand strong in front of them because they’re relying on me to save humanity, so i can’t show weakness or flag’, which is also how they see their clinginess (i.e. as a form of weakness)

ritsu vc [laughs nervously] i cant let them know i feel fear

as the oldest person in chaldea and the one whos been there the longest, they became the de facto pillar after da vinci died. there is no one for them to rely onto (goredolf sweetie ur trying so hard but uh), everyone else relies on them. that isolation, coupled with their extant ptsd, means that when they get someone they feel they can completely rely on and be weak around without worrying that they’re failing the other person, they will get very clingy

ritsu already does not function well in isolation (they don’t function at all in isolation lbr) so if under any more stress than usual they will become. very sticky. to people. again, it’s only the ones who fill the parameters of ritsu feeling that they in no way are ‘protecting’/’obligated to protect’ the other person, but ritsu will essentially hinge their ability to function and get going on a task with their ability to be in physical contact with whoever they’re stuck to.

also part of the reason beast stays in their bones in most iterations regardless of ship status because beast is also very dependent on ritsu so it becomes a stable cycle that isn’t actively destructive, theyre both just so weird it balances out to a net neutral rather than a bad unhealthy.

ritsu’s tryyyying to be a little more open with people to prevent themselves from having such an insular “only these people know im not comfortable being the pillar of humanity so only these people are who i can focus very strongly on when overwhelmed” but it’s. not quick or easy for them.

it’s also theoretically extremely easy to manipulate them via this, especially if ritsu is caught alone when they don’t have one of their usual inner circle around, though that hasn’t really happened. they will do more or less whatever necessary to keep themselves from being left alone if they’re in a stressful situation. (again, part of why they’re often haunted as hell regardless of verse) (also also why they latch very powerfully onto pepe because pepe is a human who has authority but doesnt ask anything of them and wants to help ritsu vc now i will die for you)

#headcanon : ritsu #personally speaking of crypters i think beryl could rly fuck ritsu up if he were only a better actor #the man does not commit to a part long enough. vortigern could as well if the oberon personality were slightly different #and if ritsu didnt know the obievort situation bc it just makes them find the prince facade disconcerting LOL #long post #i could put this behind a readmore but i wont

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hollyhomburg · 4 years

Note

can u show what happens after the snipts and i'm curious about the tae x reader, pretty please my heart is broken from that angst but the way you wrote is beautiful

here is the next part!

SANDCASTLES: SNIPPETS IN SEQUENCE (3) (YOONMINJOONSEOK X READER) (TAEHYUNG X READER) (OMEGAVERSE AU)

TAGS: angst, unplanned pregnancy, depression, loneliness, BETA! taehyung x reader

W/c: 3.5k

A/n: here you go! here are the beta Taehyung parts, as well as what happens immediately after she leaves the alphas and Jimin. The next part will be about what happens to them in the wake of her leaving, and I will say this; the next part has some heavy tags so be sure to watch out for those. ALSO- TAE IS THE VILLAN OF THIS STORY, but the beginning with him isn’t bad. he will eventually betray the reader so be prepared!

- You cry yourself to sleep every night the first week in your new apartment.

- It’s a nice place really, too nice- but your company had told you it was more than within your means when they booked it for you. and you can barely believe the first paycheck you get. it has an extra bedroom and a kitchen with a retro-style but new appliances and molding on the ceiling in the old district, full of restaurants and coffee shops that you live off for the first few weeks.

- You don’t have a bed frame yet, so your bed just sits on the carpeted floor. Your boxes scattered around you, the one that holds some of your books acts as a nightstand. Your new job isn’t that terrible- in fact they make every point to tell you how good it is to have someone capable fill the position, and how good you are at your job.

- After so long it’s nice to feel appreciated.

- You even make friends with two of the other women that work there, an omega female named Yeri, and an alpha female named Irene, who would have made you nervous if not for the mating mark clearly evident on her collar bone.

- Despite the fact that they were slightly under you in the company, they both treated you, the new girl, with kindness. They even invited you to have lunch with them and get to know them on your second day and showed you around the company.

- It wasn’t safe for an unmated omega in a new city they said, you ended up crying in the bathroom for a few hours after that- it used to be your dream to be marked by Namjoon, Yoongi, and Hoseok, and for them to bear your and Jimin's mark. But now that dream could never come to fruition.

- But they are kind- so kind. They don’t ask you where you came from or even if you have any family- keeping your conversations mostly on company gossip and pop culture. You end up going to see a movie with them in the second week. And by the end of the third, the three of you are the best of friends.

- You’d never really had any friends that where girls- after all you’d always had Jimin, you’d never needed anyone else other than him until now.

- You get a dresser and put your old phone (still turned off) in the top drawer once you get a company cellphone. You adjust well, your apartment overlooks a park and a small pond in the very middle of the bustling city. Your place of work is only 5 blocks away, and you find yourself enjoying your walk to work every morning.

- But you’re miserable, you can't breathe in the smell of coffee without thinking of Yoongi and feeling sick to your stomach, every time you hear music you think of all the times both Jimin and Hoseok used to drag you to your feet to dance.

- You cant even watch TV without your and Namjoon’s favorite documentary show coming on- or that drama you and Hoseok used to curl up and watch. - What’s more, is that it seems like you’re actually getting sick, your fever is raised and every time you go for lunch you end up vomiting it all back up a few minutes later. Even your favorite foods don’t stay down. you try to chalk it up to the stress of moving and being separated from your alphas (which has been known to happen in some omegas after they part with a pack, their instincts regecting their minds desire to stay away), but it seems like that's less the case the more time goes on.

- It happens one day at work while you sit and eat your lunch with Yeri (Irene had a meeting during your usual lunch hour- but she told you not to wait for her). and you narrowly avoid vomiting on your new white blouse before you lean over and throw up your sandwich in the waste paper basket, a sudden wave of vomiting hits you so harshly that Yeri looks more than a little concerned.

- After you assure her that yes- you’re going to the doctor soon about it, and yes you’ve been able to keep water down she gives you a final withering look before she offhandedly says, “fine just don’t go getting pregnant on me like Irene’s wife did- I swear now all the two of them ever want to do is watch baby TV and talk about their child’s poops.”

- Throughout the rest of the day her words stick with you, and you end up going home at the end of the day only to pacing your apartment for a few hours, before you head back out to the store to pick up a pregnancy test and some ice cream (because why not).

- You pace around your small unfurnished living room as you wait for the stick to give you your results.You never expected to do this alone- in your mind someone was always here with you, you even expected to have all of them there. You wanted Jimin's hand on yours more than anything, you wanted to grow massive with him, and maybe raise your children together if you could.

- You openly sob the stick comes back as positive, you pace around your apartment crying and thinking on your situation for the entirety of the night before you realize that you being pregnant does nothing to change your situation. this is the only time you strongly consider turning on your old phone. you didn’t know if there would even be messages waiting from you- probably from Jimin, but not from any of the others you’re sure.

- Out of all of them- it has to be namjoon’s, you think back to the time in the kitchen, how your front was pressed to the granite, how it felt impersonal, how you’d sent the email for your job immediately after. that was probably the day you got pregnant.

- the more you think about it, the more you're sure. you put your phone away and don’t turn it on. Why would they want you now? if anything this would only make them hate you more. they where good people, and they wouldn’t have let you do this alone, especially Jimin. but They would resent being tied to a pregnant omega that they weren’t mated too or even in love with- that you were sure of.

- you imagine it briefly, sure- you’d have them in your life, but only so far as your child would have a parent in Namjoon, and uncles in the rest. you imagine the awkward doctors visits, the offers to pay, needing to share your child between here and Seoul. whatever children they’d have one day with Jimin, would be cousins to yours, and whatever children he’d have with Namjoon. well- they’d have the love of all the alphas, not just Namjoon. and you don’t want your child to feel any less loved because of your mistakes.

- So You’d have to raise your child alone, in a city that you barely knew. Without any support system. Sure your new friend were great but they were so new. So to distract yourself from your situation, the fact that you’re going to do all of this alone, and the fact that you left your baby’s father- You drown yourself in work, staying later than anyone else consistently, falling into your bed exhausted.

- You go to your prenatal appointments alone, and when you start getting cravings, there’s no one to lean over to in the middle of the night and ask for chocolate sauce and watermelon, or barbecue mayonnaise and mac and cheese fries, you get up and do it yourself.

- By week 5 of your pregnancy, your hormones have started to change enough that one day you walk into work and Yeri almost screams in happiness, congratulating you and jumping in your arms when she notices how your scent has changed. It’s only when she pulls back and sees your withdrawn sad expression that she says, “oh honey…” and Irene slaps her on the arm lightly as she tries to broach the topic of the father. They both know you live alone by now.

- you notify your boss, and you almost pass out when they offer you nearly 4 months of maternity leave. they seem determined to treat you well. it helps that your ceo is also an omega.

- By about 12 weeks- you’re starting to show significantly enough that people on the train start to give you the priority seat when you were tight clothes. You show Enough that you begin to fiddle with your old phone again. You get close several times to turning it on-But in the end you never do. Preferring to leave it in the drawer of the nightstand next to your bed right next to the picture of them.

- “You can do this, there are plenty of single omega parents, it’s not like it used to be” the doctor and the clinic that you go too for your prenatal appointments assures you when the other omega finally asks if they’ res a father or another mother in the picture.

- And you’re not over what happened by any means but things slowly start to get better.

- You don’t cry randomly as much, you start coming home earlier and going on walks- the doctor said it was good for the baby. On the weekends you go to this fresh fruit market, sometimes with Irene and her wife and child, making a day out of it.

- And you enjoy the little child as he reaches up for your stomach, patting on it gently and slurring the words “baby out now!” that causes all of you to giggle and Irene’s wife apologizes- saying that their little Eun just loves babies more than anything.

- Your life is nice, calm. There is a tense atmosphere in your apartment, though you do buy a few plants, and a few poster pictures to put on the white walls. slowly the space starts to feel like yours. You paint the spare room the lightest shade of robins egg blue and add puffy white clouds to the walls with Yeri, giggling and laughing harder than you have in months as she accidentally splashes paint onto her face.

- Your relationship with a kind and soft beta named Taehyung starts simply and in the most cliché way possible.

- You accidentally ran into him while coming home from the grocery store, your belly barely showing through a baggy sweatshirt. Two paper bags in either arm. One of the bags rips when he bumps into you. his other coming up to stop you from falling backward, his arm like iron, his hands digging into you to steady you. all of a sudden your whole body flush with warmth.

- Tae is an absolute gentleman, picking up your weird assortment of food in his hands and walking the few blocks to your tiny apartment. you feel surprisingly safe with the stranger, your instincts have been in overdrive since your body started to adjust to your pregnancy, and they’re something about Tae’s scent that immediately settles your stomach.

It goes surprisingly well, there is something so gentlemanly about his deep voice and his quiet smile that makes you feel so relaxed. His beta scent- the smell of clean laundry (beta’s always smelled clean) definitely has something to do with it. not his pretty jaw or his delicate style.

- You invite him in for some iced tea and you spend a few minutes chatting, now that the bags not in front of your stomach, Tae can see why you seemed so unsteady on your feet. You expect it to scare him away- but he doesn’t mention you're obvious condition until he’s about to leave. Handing you a small slip of paper with his number on it.

- He touches your shoulder softly. “I live in the area so If you ever need any help- please don’t hesitate to call me.” by now he has scented the room, know by the lack of a competing scent as well as the lack of a bite on your shoulder that you’re alone. that you don't have anyone.

- You pin the number to the old fashion fridge and try to forget about it. After all, tae was more than a little flirty and you’re in no position to even want to date anyone right now. But when you finally call it’s more about needing help than wanting to see him. Though seeing him was an added bonus.

- He helps you move your refrigerator after an important document falls behind it, the literal social security card that you can't reach or get at. And he’s sweaty sipping more of your ice tea when he says, “I hoped that when you finally called me it would be for a date and not to rescue your medical stuff behind your dusty fridge.”

- “You don’t want to date me tae,” you say, your hand hovering over your stomach. He looks at your tummy too, sicking in his lower lip.

- “No I’m sure that I do” he says, taking your hand in his before he says softly, his warm brown eyes piercing into you as he looks through his black bangs “I don’t know what you’re dealing with, I don’t know who or what you’re running from, but trust me when I saw that I really, really want to take you out on a date- at least once.”

- You relent and agree to go visit a night market with him- one of the hallmarks of this city that you hadn’t yet indulged in.He buys you ice cream and fried mac and cheese and doesn’t criticize you when you dunk your French fries in your chocolate Sunday. In fact, he joins in- letting you dunk one in his Oreo mango ice cream.

- You listen to Tae talk about his job; you find out that he owns a pair of café’s the first one that he inherited from his grandmother, the second one that he opened last year after the first one did so well. Business is booming so much that he’s contemplating opening a third. the cafe is just between your apartment and your job, it’s no wonder that you never ran into him sooner.

- You promise to come to try his berry macaroons that are apparently the best in town. He starts to talk about coffee but then a glance down to your stomach reminds him that you can’t have that- and he switches to boba tea

- You sit in the warm summer air listening to a live band before you go to walk along the river, the lights reflecting off the water like one of van Goh's paintings. You’re laughing at some joke Tae tells you when he leans over surprisingly and kisses you, you recoiled a little, more surprised than displeased.

- “I’m sorry- you just looked so…. i’m sorry- I rushed you didn’t I, shit- y/n I’m so-”

- “I don’t know what you want from me Tae,” you say gesturing to your stomach, he starts to look abashed and ashamed, but then relents at your soft expression “but if we’re going to see each other like that, then you have to know that I miss them.” You say softly while looking out at the water, your hand hovering over your swollen stomach.

- “them?” he asks, looking surprised, you nod, “them.”

- “And I’m not going to stop missing them, probably for a long while. I think I always will. And if you’re ok with that- if you don’t mind-” Tae reaches up, running a hand across your face and you find yourself leaning into his touch, its been so long since anyone’s touched you with any affection. Your body is so hungry, so needy for it.

- “I don’t care who else is in your heart, I only want a place in It.” Tae says after a moment. Leaning his forehead against yours.

- You and tae start casually seeing each other, you stop by his coffee shop most days before work, it’s a street off from your company’s main building, and Tae always has a bag of coffee cake or a plate full of raspberry tarts for you, he pushes away your money with a lopsided grin the makes your heart beat rapidly. He even steps away during the busiest times to sit with you and just talk.

- Sometimes he plops your feet up on his lap and massages your swollen ankles, his smiles sweeter than the pastries, not taking no for an answer until you’ve tried every kind the café offers at least twice because he wants to know which are your favorite.

- One-night Taehyung finds your photo of all of them and your old cellphone in your dresser. And you're just trying to crack an egg into a pan when he comes out holding it. you almost drop the carton when he asks you who they are.

- He sits you down and you start breathing heavily and tells you that you don’t need to tell him- he sends a concerned look at your stomach, and that it doesn't matter if it's going to make you upset. you don't mean to have a panic attack but really, turning around and seeing your...your boyfriend holding the picture of your baby daddy just suprised you.

- tae looks like he honestly wants to know, So you launch into the story of your best friend who you’ve loved and will love until the day you die. Cradle to grave and all that.

- Fuck you miss jimin so much. You miss them all, Hoseok, yoongi and Namjoon. He laughs like Namjoon did when you tell him childhood stories of you and jimin and listens eagerly as you tell him about your college experience and trying to stay away.

- He’s a little quieter when he learns about the alpha’s that you love while you point at their faces in the picture and smile. He smiles a little though when you start listing off the things about them that you love. And he gets a little sadder when he realizes it will always be love- And not loved.

- your love for them hasn’t faded. not in all these months apart.

- He wishes you would move on from them. Wishes he was the only one who had ever made a home out of your heart. But he understands why you can’t- you’re carrying his child after all. The one with the gray hair in the photo, you tell him as much.

- he touches the photograph softly, “I understand why you miss them so much- it must have been so nice having so many people to love you and to love them back.”

- “it really was.”

- “I wish I was worth that” Taehyung says softly, his face downturned. You kiss away his worries, “you are tae- never think you’re not worth it- because you are.” he pulls you to him and kisses your forehead as his mind turns your words over in his head.

- maybe your words have a double meaning, maybe maybe, runs through his head. And he shakes off thoughts of other omega’s and directs his attention to you.

- “so are we going to eat dinner together or what? Should I call for takeout”

- But no matter where you go home too at night, no matter how good things are with Tae, you can’t help but think about Namjoon’s arms encircling your waist, about Yoongi’s quiet roll of his knuckles against your side in a silent hello.

- About Hoseok’s sweet kisses and how he would take your hand in his and drag you up from wherever you were sitting to slow dance with you around your kitchen when you were sad, and how it would eventually devolve into giggles and awkward butt wiggles.

- Nothing like how it was when you left when Hoseok would barely look at you- and if he did even look at you, it would only be with disdain and anger so severe that it would make you shake.

- But most of all you miss Jimin, the way he would hang on Namjoon’s thighs while gripping yours, how when he would laugh he would throw himself onto your shoulder to hide his closed-eyed smile in your skin. the way you’d smell so much like each other you could hardly distinguish your scents anymore.

- The first night you sleepover at Taehyung’s house you end up waking up in the middle of the night and reaching out for another set of arms.

- Taehyung wakes up too you wearing his silk robe and crying on his balcony, where you went to hide your sobs, he runs his hands up and down your arms while talking to you quietly, saying that you should come inside.

- That the cold is bad for the baby, and he’s right, you’re shaking like a leaf and your belly has grown so much in the past month. You’re nearly 5 months along- you’ve only known tae for a few months, but he already wants to tell you he loves you. He already loves you and the baby- it doesn’t matter that he’s not the father.

- But what you don’t know is that at that moment, Jimin is doing the same thing, crying on a balcony, feeling unable to go back inside as he looks out over the view that the two of you used to love. He remembers how you would drag the alphas out onto the balcony to eat dinner or play a game or just sitting, talking as you looked at the city.

- Because the apartment inside doesn’t feel like it used to- try as he might it doesn’t feel like home anymore, because you’re not there and everything is slowly falling apart- has been for months, and by now Jimin feels like he’s falling apart too.

- It feels like he’s been watching a train wreck in slow motion since you left.

------------------------------------

(once again! this series will never be finished! just fyi!)

#sandcastles #bts poly au #bts a/b/o #bts angst #sandcastles; snippets #Anonymous

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shyrose57 · 3 years

Note

Brothers anon, im gonna start combing the two separate submissions again cause its getting too short to have them separate I think?

1: His possession messed with memories Ranbob had before, so memories of school friends or playing with Ran were distant to erased. Though after Dreams possession it was also harder to make and keep memories. But thankfully as Ranbob was recovering from Dream and got futher away making memories came eaiser to him, though he'll never get back the memories he lost.

3: Oh he would very quickly grow to regret his decision, but it would be funny. And Benjamin would later admit that while it was annoying and stressful, it was also fun and he was very happy to have his two families meet and generally get along.

8: Everyone is just in shocked silence before Cletus just goes "YEAHHHHHHHHHH!" Oddly happy that Ranboo committed so much arson. Oh definitely, after all the outcasts of society where put there. Of course people would make such negative rumors about Mizu and treat the people as the scum of the earth. Though this also means, people don't know what happened in Mizu, and anyone who knows, view it in a more happy and a "Their finally gone" type of way, then viewing it as the tragedy it was.

Spoons is a card game technically. A group of people sit in a group and everyone gets 4 cards, and you keep discarding at least 1 card of yours to the person on your left, who then does the same to their person on their left, the last person in the group puts a card into a discard pile. The goal is to get 4 of the same cards, and once someone gets 4 of the same cards, that person goes and grabs a spoon in a pile in front of them (let's say there's 5 players, theres only going to be 4 spoons cause there's always a spoon less than the people playing), once they grab one anyone can grab a spoon. And the person who doesn't get a spoon gets a S added to them, once Spoons is spelled the person gets out of the game, and a spoon gets removed to continue the game. Basically for flowers its played the exact same way but with flowers in the middle expect for spoons.

11: I just imagine Dream sulking in a corner as you yell at him and him going like "well I didn't know…" as he kicks a stone. And he wasnt sure what it was, but quickly jumped on the idea that maybe it was the fact that Ran was still alive somewhere, and that that's causing Ranbob to willingly let himself become weak and defy him. Causing Dream to become angrier at Ran and punish Ranbob harder.

----

3: During the brothers fight in the storm, and after everyone runs off to find Ranbob, Ran is left alone. And he decides to just wander off into the storm, not protecting himself from the rain so he does get burnt. The whole time he's lost deep in thought and isn't really paying attention. He continues to wander for a whole day unfollowed (because after the Gladiators and Fishermen came back to the cave after finding Ranbob they are in no rush to find Ran and decide to look for him after the storm passes, which takes a full day) and at some point Raq finds him wandering. Which Raq then uses Rans distraction to his advantage and attacks him. At first only really the gladiators where concerned when they found Ran gone. But once they found him blinded and terrified everyone felt awful and a looming sense of guilt. And everyone continued to feel that way, even after they got the antidote and Ran started to see again.

4: They would just leave Ranbob alone and check in on him every now and again. But generally let him deal with it himself. They'd feel guilty leaving him alone, but they also know that they can't really do anything for him as their not prepared or briefed on how to help him in this situation.

10: Oh definitely, even with Ran blinded they would've been kicked out immediately for fighting, without even a second glance. Dont forget, Ran still cares for his brother. And maybe, losing his sight made him face the side of him that wanted to become family again with Ranbob, maybe it brought enough to light that he just can't ignore it anymore. Mostly only negative potions can be permanent, like posion, blinding, wither, and nausea (I know the last like 3/2 are effects but they've also found a way to make effects into potions.). You already know what a antidote for blindness would be. A antidote for wither would be, a ghast tear (actually a basic ingredient for almost every antidote), blaze powder, and glistening melon to make a overpowered healing potion. Antidote for posion would be ghast tear, swiftness (so it acts fast to get rid of the posion), and the 3rd ingredient depends on what kind of posion it was (posion that has a side effect of constricting or filling the lungs with water? Pufferfish and Turtle shell for last ingredients. Posion that has weakness? Blaze powder, and glistening melon) And antidote for nausea would be ghast tear, and potion of slowness to allow the person to slowly feel better, so their nausea doesn't hit them all at once before disappearing, which can cause them to throw up or have side effects.

13: Thats exactly what they did.

14: Jackie will 100% attempt to fight God and no one can stop him. :) (to be honest im not sure yet, I know I want to do more with Raq and have the idea that maybe he could be the person that finds Dream and gets him out of Mizu, but that's pretty often used in stories and I want to try to think of something more unique. Maybe I'll have it so Raq actually manages to capture the brothers or at least one of them and uses them as blackmail?)

15: When Ranbob was a child and Ran was just a baby Ranbob would often take Ran out of his crib and take him to go watch the fish swim by. When Ran was old enough he'd follow Ranbob everywhere, even a few times he managed to sneak into Ranbobs class room and almost wasn't caught. Ran got extremely clingy one day and managed to gather his haunting all up into his arms and carried them around, even though he was obviously struggling. And Ranbob used to complain about his teachers and idiotic classmates whenever he got home, which is funny when you consider Ran was very impressiable at the time and Ran started mimicking Ranbob, leading to him cursing, much to Ranbobs dismay.

And im curious, do you have any questions that I havent answered? Or do you have any ideas for anything? I'd love to hear whatever you have to say about anything honestly!

Course! I dont have much lore wise other than they go to Kelalen and when they hear Dream is still around they decide to stay back to help fight him. But the idea I have is that Karl is just kinda hanging with everyone I listed, talking about allies or treaties when his time traveling clock/watch starts to go off, and he panics, but sadly in his haste to stop it he makes it worse and it grabs everyone, where they end up in the future. After hours of confusion and explaining they calm down. When 2 days later they find the Gladiator and Fishermen group, at first Karl is strongly against going to then for help, but everyone basically ignores him and go to ask for help. Hours of explanation and proof giving later the GF (Gladiator and Fishermen, got tired of writing it out) group sadly tells them that they cant really help. Until Ran (who was previously gone searching the surrounding area and making sure it was safe) appears high up on a tree (cause I just can't get the image of Ran on a tree and looking comfortable and confident as hell out of my head), and says that maybe Kelalen can help, if not going to Foolish may be a good alternative. Isaac, and Grievous are extremely against going back (at this time a 2 months have past since they left Kelalen)n saying it could be dangerous but Ran just aboustely shoots them down, along with Watson and Jackie agreeing with Ran, and Karls group agreeing to it. They head off to Kelalen. And Jackie is extremely excited at the potential of going to see Foolish finally. And it'd probably be like a sub au where the brothers au is the main backbone for it but at a certain point it separates from the au and becomes its own.

1: Okay, ouch. Can you imagine if Ran brought one of those memories up, and just had Ranbob look confused, or horrified, depending on how quick he realizes what happened? How would Ran react to that realization, both before and after he forgives Ranbob?

3: If nothing else, everyone got some laughs from it-even Benjamin, once his friends were far, far away from his family and not able to teach them more chaos.

8: Cletus, why are you so happy? Do you just enjoy knowing chaos existed back then? Are you an arsonist? What’s up with you?

Also, wow. Not cool, other city people, that’s very mean.

Spoons sounds like it’s interesting, I might try it sometime. Did the group just have those cards on them? What other games did they have?

11: Good, put Dream back in the corner, I’m gonna be yelling more. Because, seriously dude? I know you probably exist solely out of spite, but c’mon. Admittedly, from a certain point of view, it could be considered amusing that your first thought was that Ranbob was making himself weaker out of defiance/spite but like. From a more responsible and mature viewpoint, that’s incredibly stupid, and I-just. Buddy, hate to tell you, but I’m pretty sure that’d just be a you thing. Besides you were in Ranbob’s head, didn’t he think Ran was dead? It doesn’t even make sense. Good lord, I’m half-tempted to get the broom and chase you around like you’re a particularly unruly barn cat.

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3: First of all, that sounds really scary for Ran. Second of all, are we getting an overprotective arc?

4: Kind of sad, but understandable, they’re dealing with the situation as best they can.

10: Even if the group was provoked by the townspeople? Potions sound really cool, wish I could make those in real life, tbh.

13: W-what do you mean ‘that’s exactly what they did’? Anon, is your friend, like, a legit gremlin? I’m spooked.

14: Foolish takes one look at Jackie, wearing a smile that exactly matched Tubbo’s when he was about to cause chaos, and immediately nopes out of that. He knows that face, and he will not be getting tangled into a fight with a goblin child today, no sir. I’m sure Jackie tries regardless though. (Also, that sounds like that goes horribly, do we get an overprotective ender-sibling, for whoever gets captured or used as blackmail, if that’s what you do?)

15: I love all of these so much, oh my gosh. Baby Ran seeing the fishes and following his big brother around. Poor Ranbob’s face when his baby brother cursed one day, Ran trying to carry all of his haunting. I’m in tears, honestly.

Umm...I can’t think of anything right now, to be honest. If I ever do have a question or idea though, I’ll through it on the Brothers AU tag for you to check out, I guess.

Oh, this sounds really cool. The part about them just ignoring their local time traveler when they’ve just time traveled particularly amuses me, as does Jackie wanting to see Foolish-I feel like Foolish may be a little more than terrified to see both Tubbo and Jackie back, honestly. Why was Ran willing to help them so much? What did they do to offer proof? How did Ranbob react once they proved who they were? How does all the group get along? Are they Ranboo’s haunting, and if so, if Ranboo gets close with his descendants, does he merge his hauntings with theirs? How does the time group feel about the Brothers fighting, and Ranbob’s possession?

#Brothers AU #dream smp #dream smp au #tales from the smp #ranbob #tubbo #ranboo #foolish gamers

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simple-ponderings · 4 years

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Universal Guidance- Pick a Card

Welcome back to another pick a card. This is one is mostly centered on where you are on your journey right now and the advice The Divine wants to relay to you. This time Ive done something different. Ive done some shufflemancy and added songs for you to listen for any additional messages. These messages may or may not resonate as its a general reading and thats ok. There are always messages being sent but they wont always be for you. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and ask God or whoever you feel a bond most strongly with, to help you choose a pile.

+++PLEASE READ! Before you go down to your reading, I wanted to say that the most prevalent theme happening for all groups is that you’re all going through significant change. The Death card and The Last Judgement card came out for all three readings. All of us are experiencing change in different ways. I believe this is something being Divinely orchestrated. Things that need to end and also come to fruition will come to pass, whether you are ready or not. Hang in there everyone. We will get through this.++++++

Pile 1:

While shuffling I saw and got the notion of a journey, or the beginning of one. Traveling. There were sperm whales, mermaid tails, deep sea. Traveling on a rocky mountain, like in LOTR. I also saw a volcano. There was a weird wooden gate, with black bolts that looked like the Dolce & Gabana logo.

Im getting the feeling of stubbornness. Almost as if there is something you know you need to be doing or not doing, and then you dont do it or do it anyway. The Death card was overall energy and then when I went to clarify Princess of Pentacles it came out again- quite quickly too. Is there an ending you are hesitant to release? Maybe it has to do with your habits, mindsets, aspects of yourself, or the people who have served their purpose in your spiritual journey. Regardless, something needs to come to close so that other cycles in your life-whether its having new friends, obtaining a new job, or learning something new, or anything, may begin. It can even be so simple as “The New You” emerging. Its like youre stuck in the past I think, with memories of someone or how you used to be, and now that that has been taken away youre kind of unsure of yourself and where to go. Maybe you feel a little ungrounded and not really confident?...Im really starting to get the feeling that this was a person you were dealing with, and they just couldnt really deliver. Its like being around them for so long has sucked you into weird environments that arent really in your best interests. I know this is a general reading but this is a feeling I cant shake, I apologize if this message does not resonate with you. If it doesnt resonate then it is not for you. This person, was most likely sent for your activation and transformation. Im sorry that its so unpleasant :(. You need to break free from this. Its like youve experienced both the really dark aspects, and now are coming to experience the really light aspects. I think this is what new cycle awaits you, but you are hesitant to let it because you’ve been exposed to that darkness for sometime. Maybe you even comfortable in it because it may be what you expect? This is just one stop on your journey, even though it feels as if it’ll stretch on and on and on. Give yourself time to grieve that which was lost. But remember you must get back up eventually, and begin building your new reality. You arent alone in this. You will soon leave the desolate rocky terrain and move into beautiful meadows filled with flowers. But its up to YOU to go out there and create your reality- your life, your legacy that makes you happy and is for your highest good. You are being pointed in the right direction, you are always being guided. Believe that for yourself no matter what others tell you, or no matter how things seem, or no matter what even you think. Dont let the negativity of others stop your abundance, your uniqueness, and most of all the beauty of your soul. There are some important things for you to consider: 777 and Volcanoes. Also you might wanna give the song “No Running Water” by The Flashbulb a listen for additional messages. Thank you for reading Feedback would be greatly appreciated!!

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Pile 2:

While shuffling, I saw an open path with wild grass on either side. The road was made of dirt. There was the word DATE written in red with other words. It looked like some sort of official document. I saw Space, and a blue light being. This pile felt a little dark, like some heavy energy but not too heavy- more like somberness.

I feel like theres this onset of spiritual power, but you may feel as if youre not ready for it or its too much. Or it could even be that you experience emotion very deeply. And so you kind of focus on the material and logical aspects of yourself, almost kind of “rejecting” that spiritual and emotional side. I think you have alot of spiritual gifts, but you dont want to go “too deep”. You are comfortable with seeing tangibility and are used to seeing whats right in front of you. But I believe the doors to the Unknown are being revealed to you. You see all these phenomena happening and you just “Observe” it kind of. Theres this feeling of not wanting to get too involved so you just keep your distance. By that I mean, you just watch and observe things and try to remain unaffected. Its almost as if you putting your spiritual self at arms length is your way of self-defense if that makes sense? Its like youre trying hard to cling to the old you, how you and your life used to be, before all THIS happened. What are you afraid of? Perhaps you are a person who wonders if there is any merit or tangible reward for diving deep and I think if you do decide to dive deep it will feel that way. “Whats the point of it all?” But its to help you embrace your Fire, your gifts so to speak. If you do decide to walk this path of spirituality and embracing yourself, getting comfortable with the unknown, I feel you will be a completely different person. A Complete Rebirth so to speak. And maybe you are scared of that. I think The Divine is trying to point you in this direction. It will get easier. As you begin to walk this path, things will become Clearer. And I feel you will feel so much more “In Tune” with The Divine or whoever you believe in. I see a link, essences intertwining. Whats meant to happen will happen. Fate. Be kind to yourself during this period. Make sure you take the time to ground yourself and even go outside and get a breath of fresh air. It will help clear your head and balance yourself. You are Loved no matter what. You arent alone, you can let your guard down. Important things to consider: Angel Number 66. Pay attention to how you feel, whether it be around others or the emotions you feel in general. I think being near bodies of water, or even moon gazing may help you. I even think carrying selenite around may be of help to you. Remember to take care of yourself mentally and physically! Keep yourself balanced. Also give “Severed” by The Flashbulb a listen for any additional messages. I hope you enjoyed this reading and feedback is always appreciated!

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Pile 3:

I felt bliss and happiness. I saw a plant growing. There is this feeling of building something thats here to stay.

Im thinking you guys went through hell and back despite that feeling of bliss I felt when shuffling. Overall theres a overarching theme of having everything in life be on track, but when it comes to love it seems that thats where you begin to run into problems. It could even just be relationships in general. Or rather everything is finally going right, but theres this feeling of something coming to “haunt” you. Something that you’ve thought was over with and finished but manages to come back into your life. I feel like you’ve been through some tough shit and have tried your damned best to make the situation better. Like you’ve broken free from some sort of attachment or restriction but there is still a lingering feeling of obligation, almost as if you still feel the need to give it your energy. Maybe things didnt end on the right foot. Maybe there were things left unsaid. There is a message of unfinished business. But this part of your life will soon be wrapping up. After this hurdle, something new will arise from it. An opportunity that will sprout its way into the physical world. Its very weird, theres this notion of finally seeing the light of day after being surrounded by the night. The first light of the Dawn. Its as if youre running a marathon and youve made it through all these obstacles to reach the finish line. Youre almost there, just a little more. This experience you went through, gave you the wisdom you needed to be where you are in life. It made you who are you are. You have gone through much transformation. Im really proud of you. But The Divine is saying you have to go through this for just a little longer. To Be who you were meant to Be. Understand that whatever happens, it is always within your power to decide how you want to act. You always have the power to choose differently. Always choose what feels right for you. Always choose what you know to be true. What has this journey taught you so far? What lessons have you learned? How have you changed? Use these teachings and apply them to your life and how you want to live. Important things for you to consider: 1010 is significant for you. I believe after this ordeal things will only get better for you. When you feel things are getting out of control or too much, take deep breaths and bring yourself back to the present- back to balance. Remember you are in control of how you respond, you always have a choice. Take it one step at a time too, its ok if you dont get it right away. We have the utmost patience and love for you. Also give “Home” by Brian Mcknight a listen as there may be additional messages for you. I hope you enjoyed this reading. I really hope I was able to offer you some clarity. Feedback is always appreciated!

#pick a pile #pick a card #tarotcommunity #tarotreading #pick a pile tarot #divination #pick a deck #shufflemancy

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jan31 · 3 years

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Rambling Review Episode 31

If I came to this world 100 times, I would fall in love with you a 100 times all over again

This is what we need to remember, its a love story between two soulmates, not about Serkan getting his memories back first.

So...it was better than 30 but still some tough scenes to watch and very little time spent on the two main characters, Eda and Serkan

We see Serkan listening to the radio and its all about Eda’s surprise engagement and saying ‘is there no other news in the country’, I am hoping this is the writers throwing shade at the paps who relentlessly pursue Kerem and ask him brainless questions!

Engin, Erden and Pryl discussing the baby and doctors appointment, Erden and Engin crying about it, loved this scene!

We see Eda putting her game into action...making Serkan jealous. She knows exactly how to do that, make it look like there is another man interested in her and sending her gifts. And it works, he keeps telling her to act professionally at work, but really its his heart reacting to her and he does not even realise it. I loved Eda calling him out for staring at her, he is really intrigued by her.

Serkan not remembering Melos name was heartbreaking, they used to have such a close relationship.

Sirius is the star of the show and the excuse Serkan has always used when he needed to get close to Eda, which is the reason he turned up at Deniz’s cafe during the day. He just cant stay away from her and doesn’t realise his heart is ruling him as he does not know what love feels like, he never had that with Seline.

Eda are you happy

Eda: Serkan, you, me and Sirius we were a family that no one could destroy. Serkan: Did I destroy this love? Eda: Yes you destroyed it

Tough words to hear, and ones that I am sure will haunt Serkan

The chaos that goes on at Edas house when the two sides of the family meet is always funny and this was no exception, Serkan getting slapped by Aidan, “He does nothing, only drives us crazy’ and Eda agrees!

Its troubling Serkan why Eda never told him about Deniz...someone is jealous

‘Who’s love was better, Serkan or Deniz?” Of course we know who, but Eda says Deniz just to torment him.

Melo as usual is holding everyone together, I am worried it will all become too much for her. Her and Ferit in the coffee lounge was special, he really is such a gentleman and still cares for Ceren even though their relationship is clearly over. Melo reveals to him about Cerens hard life and she has been taking medication for many years. He is obviously upset as he had no idea. Can these two please get together or can we find decent people for them to love and be loved

Ceren is spiralling downwards, has stopped taking her meds and turns up to talk to Deniz with pink hair, I’m not sure if this is how she looked when she was young and was in love with Deniz or just wanted to change her image. Deniz chucking her out of the cafe after she kissed him was harsh, she clearly has problems and he could of least called Melo or Eda and let them know or offered to drive her home. But instead opted to release Seline from her locked office (well done Melo), he is very focussed on Eda and its worries me as she is totally unaware of his feelings for her, can someone please tell her?

Any one else think it was strange that Serkan just sat there on the boat and did not get up to help Eda, until she asked. He has always had good manners like that and I found it ooc?

Loved that he felt very comfortable to dry off Edas boobs when he spilt water on them, he was so wide eyed and shocked when Eda called him out, while secretly enjoying his touch! I love getting to hear about poems they learned, that they had meals on this boat many times before, all the things we did not see in any episodes.

Eda: Serkan when you left you told me you would be back. This is the last thing i remember. We were unable to say goodbye to each other. And because we didn’t have such a memory, I always think its right to ask you if you remember?

So sad for Eda, she loves him so much, this is her soulmate and he has no memories of her, how that must hurt.

He clearly did not want her to leave the boat, he is drawn to her when they have these times alone and must be wondering where this manipulative woman is that Seline described. Giving her the ring back as a necklace was his way of keeping her close, and the trouble he obviously went to, compared to choosing Selines crappy engagement ring!

Wanting to drive Eda home and then telling Seline to go and he will come later, love it!!! His face lights up when he is with Eda, they have an invisible thread that connects them, and with Seline there is no sign of affection or caring for her. Serkan took that time on the boat once Eda left to create new memories of their time together, yip he is falling in love and he will try and fight it but its pointless, hes a goner!

Pryl crying over baby booties, those hormones can do that!

After yesterdays boat trip, I fell in love with him even more, is this normal?

My poor Eda, she is being so strong and positive, how, I do not know. Especially when Serkan tells Farook that they will never get married, as he is marrying Seline soon. Her face just fell, that really hurt. and we have to tolerate Seline and her smirking at Eda, ugh i hate this woman.

Eda opens the box from Deniz and its wedding invitations, obviously a plot created by Deniz and Seline, that why she is looking so pleased with herself. What a nasty trick and I hope Eda calls Deniz out for it, he is supposed to be friend.

I strongly want to believe that Deniz is working with Seline, but then realises the love between Eda and Serkan is something that cannot be broken and will turn against Seline.

My other worry is this fake engagement, Seline has the recording and she will have no worries about letting Serkan hear it. I just hope he realises Eda did it because she loves him so much and not to manipulate him.

My hopes for next episode, I am sure we have all seen the fragmans and it looks very edser centred...finally. Seline finally realising Serkan does not love her, lets see how the pyscho bitch deals with that. Serkan falling in love more and more with Eda, even without his memories of her returning. We saw in the fragman him saying,’ No one can touch you but me’, his heart knows what he wants and that is Eda.

Seline is obviously on her way out and hopefully we will see that in 33, there is talk of her going off with Deniz, but hopefully not before Eda tears into her for what she has done. Whilst Serkan had memory loss and did not remember Eda, Seline could have chosen a better path and called Eda and let her know her fiance was alive, for that she needs to be roasted alive

Enjoy the episode tomorrow, its going to be a good one xx

#sen cal kapimi #serkan bolat #eda yildiz #kerem bürsin #hande erçel #episode 31 #Jan rambles #serkan and eda falling in love #love this show #an invisible thread

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