#literally HOW am i supposed to think ab them without going insane

[punchratt]

Indulging in my brainrot again, heres that longer bg3 character design post i was talking about! (@dragonageshitpostingelves, i didnt forget you <3) Also, Spoiler Warning, i talk a lot about the companions backstory and quests, so don't read if you haven't finished those. Or do, I don't care.

Im gonna be honest and admit right now that I am sadly NOT a professional character designer, but instead just a nerd who likes to draw. I think the bg3 designs are amazing as they are and deserve a hell of a lot more praise then their already getting. That being said, i have many opinions about these funny little tadpole people. The first of them being that Gale, Wyll, and Astarion should not look like that. I mean, they all literally have the same body model, just give or take few scars and some hair, then swap the head. Which i think is a little shocking considering that the girls have much more diverse body types. Normally its the other way around.

First, Astarion. I love him, but i should not be able to grate cheese on his abs. Dude was a slave surviving off rats and living in the shadows for over 200 years, he's a rouge with 8 strength and no work out plan other then squatting so he can hide better. The last thing he should have is a six pack. I am a firm believer in scrawny Astarion, that man is wet noodle, he is malnourished and it should show. I should be able to see that mans ribs. Play that boy like a xylophone. This twink is not twinking right now and its driving me insane!

Im not saying he cant be sexy, in fact i think its very important that he is sexy. A big chunk of his story has to do with his relationship with sex and how he views romance as a whole. The whole point of his story is that he seems like the sexy vampier stereotype, but is actually a much more in depth character with a very complicated relationship to sex and romance. He needs to look sexy for that to work. But you don't gotta have a six pack to look sexy! Whenever i see him without a shirt all i can think of is that abs just don't look right on him. Everything else i think they've gotten perfect, he really does look like the character he's supposed to be and i can only applaud Larian for getting it so right, just.. lose the abs.

Second, Gale. I feel like I've already summed up how i feel about his design in my last post, but i like talking so i'm gonna say more! Gale should be chubby!! All he likes to do is ponder his orb, talk to his cat, and study magic. I firmly believe that he also has a side passion for food. After all, what is cooking if not potion brewing but different? Gale can appreciate a good meal and it should show! After all, eating and food is integral to his character with the whole arcane hunger thing he has going on. Give me my dad bod Gale and all wrongs in this world will be righted.

But to be a little more serious about this, i think his story becomes all the more poetic and tragic if you view him as someone who loves food. Because just imagine that you have three things you love, magic, food, and your goddess girlfriend. Now imagine that one day, to impress your goddess girlfriend, you do something kinda really stupid and end up with a magic nuke in your chest. But wait, it gets worse! Because of this failed grand gesture your goddess girlfriend breaks up with and banishes you. She leaves you to deal with this whole thing by yourself, all you have now is your cat and cooking. But wait, it gets even worse!! No matter how much you eat, yu arent ful, so you're constantly starvinng now, and thats how you find out that the bomb in your chest feeds on magic! Which means that now Gale has to ether find a way to keep it fed or he's gonna kamikaze half the swords coast. Meaning he has to eat any magical artifacts he gets his hands on while also dealing with the emotional damage of everything else. Food, one of the only things he had left, is now a stressful reminder of the fucked up situation he's in.

Now I don't think that means Gale starts to hate food, or resent it in some way, I still think he's the adorable little foodie goofball dork who insisted on being the camp cook. But i do think it makes his whole relationship with food something much more bittersweet, which is very interesting and something i feel could be reflected better in his already amazing design.

Third, Wyll. Wyll, I believe, is the most likely to be buff out of these three. Though, I don't think he'd show it as much as he does. We know he likes to dance, and that he enjoys a good sword fight more then anything! He used to fence with his father and overall is a very active guy. He is probably the character that most matches his body, there aren't many things I'd change. That being said, he is still a warlock with less strength then a hamster. He wouldn't be that muscly.

My dude is the son of a Grand Duke, he's had a relatively cushy life that didnt really get all that much harder after his dad gave him the boot (dick move btw). He's struggled, defiantly! But i don't think it'd be a reach to say that Wyll might have a little fat on him. I dont really have much to say other then i think he'd benefit from taking those abs away and putting that bulk somewhere else. When I imagine Wyll I imagine a man with some arm game and a pudgy belly. Maybe some calf muscle too, but overall nothing too defined since he doesn't really use strength in combat. I mean, why does Wyll have more defined abs then Lae'zel? Of all the origin characters she should have the most defined abs of the group. Not these three clowns(affectionate).

Wyll is a softie with a heart of gold, he should get to have a soft body to go with it. Plus it'd add more contrast between what parts are devil and what aren't. Sharp rough horns, a scarred face, and striking but intimidating eyes juxtaposed against a soft but somewhat built frame, quick whit, and a generally nice attitude make for a very interesting design! One that i think would be much more compelling then the kinda default muscly hero build he has now.

Now compare those to the secrete fourth option i didnt tell you about! Halsin! I think Halsin is designed perfectly and there is nothing i would change. He uses a unique body model from the other three and his design perfectly captures who he is as a character. He's big, appropriately buff, and looks kind. I look at that man and i think "yeah, thats a guy who occasionally turns into a bear", and he does! He looks like a natural born leader who knows how to make those tough decisions, he looks as inviting as he acts, and he looks like he gives amazing hugs. Bear hugs if you will! That man is a bear in every sense of the word, and whats more druid then that?

I only really brought him up to set him as sort of a standard for the designs of this game, because almost every single design is just as perfect and well thought out as his. I could go on for several more paragraphs about other characters and why their also perfect, or what other small little changes id make to their designs (cough cough, Lae'zel abs, cough) but this thing is getting long enough as is.

So to conclude. Fuck abs, and get them off my boys! If you've actually read this whole monstrosity, thank you. It took me over half a day to write and i still feel like i haven't touched on everything. Like, i didn't get to praise their designs nearly as much as i wanted to, but oh well. Maybe I'll make another post about the girls, maybe ill ramble about what i do like about the boys designs, i don't know. Depends on if anyone wants that, or if i still got gas left in the tank after this. Finally, please excuse any spelling errors and the inconsistent capitals. Its late, i have dyslexia, and i'll probably go back and fix it later. Thanks again for reading!

#rattrambles #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #astarion #wyll ravengard #halsin

[maschotch]

Bro your brain when it comes to emily!! I remember thinking to myself how different emily seemed after everything that happened with foyet, even just in the aftermath of 5x01. She’s the one that finds hotch, she’s the one that sees her unbendable boss, a man who never breaks, in a hospital bed, hanging onto his life. She’s the one that asks him what actually happened, and I think to an extent, she knows he’s lying when he says he doesn’t remember much. They’re much more similar then most people give them credit for, they’re both fantastic at compartmentalizing their trauma, about being able to lie easily that they’re ok.

I think she sees herself in hotch here, and if he breaks, so can she.

Because if he is fallible, so is she.

So that’s why her vibe seems off in season five, as you said, she takes on his rage. I always thought it was an interesting choice for her to be so angry at the unsub in 5x10. Not only did it drag her away from Haley’s funeral, an intimate, mourning event for hotch, but it also connected back to foyet. This man violated people, ruined and ended lives because he could.

Broke what should be infallible.

(Also yet again an interesting parallel between foyet and s*xual assault)

This whole arc changes emily, whether it was actually intentional or not. Everything she thought she knew, everything she became comfortable with, was gone. This image she had of hotch was destroyed by a sick man like foyet, by all the sick guys out there who take away all that is good in the world......

my brain is completely void of anything but correct criminal minds takes akdhskhd

i think she does see a lot of herself in hotch. they’ve been like that from the start—part of why they butted heads so often in the beginning. but i think her anger and defensiveness doesnt come from worrying ab herself and her own weaknesses: i think she feels it so strongly because she knows hotch wont

bc ur so right. they really are similar. they prioritize the job over any emotional rawness, and they’re experts at compartmentalizing because of it. they’ll push down whatever’s bothering them to focus on the task. bc its not a skill they’ve picked up recently: they’ve been doing this since they were kids. hotch learning to smile in spite of the beatings, emily gritting her teeth and maintaining the perfect image of a diplomats daughter (she eventually gave up caring about the facade and enjoyed pissing off her mom, but she still knows how to keep quiet, how to manipulate)

the problem is that when you bury your emotions that deep, you eventually start to hide them from yourself. their experiences and perceptiveness makes jt easy to identify when others are struggling, but its hard to see that within themselves. for their chosen career its effective, but its unhealthy. and no one knows that better than them. which is why i think they understand each other so well: they recognize that sometimes they just dont want to talk about it bc they cant talk about it.

(they apply their abilities in different ways to varying degrees of success, but that just goes to show how their individual experiences alters the application of their empathy. emily is good at discerning what someone needs: if they need to talk, if they need a distraction, if they need company, or if they just need to be left alone. hotch, on the other hand, takes the standoffish approach with everyone, regardless of circumstances. he’s very aware of the mental/emotional state of the team, but its rare that he’ll intervene. which makes sense considering their histories. emily’s specialty is manipulation, requiring observation and interaction. hotch doesnt necessarily have that ability. he’s a little too self deprecating to realize he can actually help; he just thinks he’ll make it worse)

ANYWAY all this to say emily is very aware of hotch’s emotional state and his habitual resistance to processing what he’s gone through. bc she does the same thing. so her protectiveness manifests a different way than morgan and the others, who focus on external threats. emily knows that the internal conflicts can scar him more than any knife if he lets it.

she knows the limitations of their attempts to help. she knows hotch wont let himself connect with his emotions so directly as well as she knows herself. and it makes her angry. she gets more upset about his suffering than she would be for own. probably more than anyone else’s, honestly, if only because she knows hes not gonna do anything about it. without even realizing it she absorbs all his passion and rage and sorrow and channels it in ways she hasnt expressed in a long time. she’s always done well maintaining an air of control, no matter what the situation. more so than hotch tbh. which is why its seemingly so out of character for something like this to affect her this much.

its not like her anger will help him grieve or process anything or move on. thats something he has to do for herself. but its almost like.. catharsis by proxy. neither of them have outlets for their emotions anymore bc they’ve trained themselves out of any kind of outward expression of emotion (emily more than hotch but still). so seeing emily losing it a bit, the way he wants to, makes it easier to connect to his own feelings. she’s feeling it for him, and the visual reference is a reminder that its ok to struggle. its ok to have a hard time. its ok to not be perfect.

#rereading ur ask… i think i got sidetracked and wrote ab smth comoletely different ajdhks im SORRY #im tryna think ab how hotch reacts when the roles are reversed…. #w lauren he just internalized everything. a black hole of suffering: consuming everyones grief as his own #but in minimal loss?? hotch just?? falls apart??? #bc w reid there was a Goal. hotch knew he needed to figure out how to help him #w emily.. he already knows what he can do.. but its not ENOUGH bc he CANT #stuck in inaction—without a goal for his mind to focus on hotch just. breaks down #bc he acts so. different. #bc tbh.. emily is the bau’s anchor—she’s the consistent one #her stability is a calming reassurance and a reminder to focus on the task at hand #when reid was getting hurt in revelations they were angry or afraid #but when cyrus is beating emily… its not that simple #its like hotch doesnt even know how to handle it. he cant process it #ur making my stomach hurt stop it akdhkshd #literally HOW am i supposed to think ab them without going insane #asks #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss

[jeojahari]

02 | kiss it better | myg

🠒 summary: you're one of the lucky ones, everyone else tells you. finding your soulmate the day you turn 18 isn't something that happens to a lot of people... but you and your other half are going to have to make a lot of progress to be able to tolerate each other.

or, you and yoongi can feel everything the other feels, and you're hell bent on causing each other pain.

🠒 pairing: yoongi x reader

🠒 genre: angst, fluff, e2l!au, soulmates!au, college au, crack?

🠒 warnings: profanity, implied smut

🠒 word count: 2.6K

🠒 notes: omg tysm for all the love im literally about to start happy sobbing rn TT i hope you enjoy this chapter!! <3

btw if my writing is not up to par at any time pls let me know, i'd hate to give you low effort writing TT

part 02: two band-aids

(series m. list)

"I am so fucking stupid."

"I know."

"I can't believe I just ran out of there without saying anything!"

"Ah. I can."

"How is it Yoongi, though? I don't understand! How can two people who are so obviously different and have zero chance at getting along be paired like this?!"

"Hey," Jimin places a comforting hand on your shoulder, "maybe this is the universe trying to prove that you can find love where you least expect it!"

You shoot him the nastiest glare you can conjure up in the moment. "You sound like a children's fairy tale synopsis. Please shut up."

"No, but think about it!" Jimin sits upright, pulling the nearest pillow into his lap. "You don't like him, and he probably doesn't like you. You hate coffee, and he's practically in love with it. The only reason you guys ever interact is Taehyung, who you happen to be in love with."

"I'm not in love with him!"

"Sure," Jimin rolls his eyes. "Anyways, this is literally the perfect recipe for romance. I feel like I have front-row seats to the best enemies to lovers story ever."

"Don't make me hit you."

"It's true, though," Namjoon pipes up from beside you. You're sandwiched between both of them in an attempt to extinguish the growing dread in the pit of your stomach. "You don't really know what he's like, Y/N. People aren't always what they seem at first glance."

"I had more than just a glance," you snap. "And I know him for exactly what he is. A fucking sociopath."

"I mean, he's nice enough," Jimin explains. "I've spoken to him a few times in passing. Maybe he just wasn't having a good day when you talked to him?"

You pause and think, because your friends are right. It's plausible, isn't it? Not every grumpy person you meet goes out of their way to be antisocial... but you can't shake off that feeling you've harbored ever since you first met him.

"I don't like this," you whine, hiding your face under the blanket. "I don't like him. I don't want to be his soulmate."

Namjoon chuckles. "Soulmates aren't always lovers, Y/N. If he's actually a sociopath, or you genuinely despise him after giving him a chance, you're not obligated to love him."

"True," Jimin nods. "My parents were never soulmates, but you know how well they get along. They had me, after all," he adds as an afterthought. "They couldn't have done that without loving each other."

Namjoon winces. "Okay, no. Didn't need to hear that."

You let out a frustrated groan, kicking your legs under the sheets. "I hate this," you grumble. "And I can't even do anything ab — oh!" You sit up, suddenly enlightened and an imaginary lightbulb over your head. "I can!"

"You can what?" Jimin asks, clearly confused. In response, you simply beam at him before doing an impromptu somersault over his legs and tumbling right off the bed, landing on the ground with a loud thump.

"Y/N?!"

"She's insane!"

"She's gone mental!"

"Is she having a seizure?"

"Do we need an ambulance?!"

"Is she okay?"

"Joon, I'm too broke to pay for the ambulance!"

You throw them both off of you. "I'm right here, very much alive, and very sane, thanks."

"Well, what was that, then?" Jimin demands. "If you were trying to show off your gymnastics skills, it didn't work. You look like a clumsy baby koala."

You point at Namjoon. "He's the clumsy one. And no, I wasn't trying to show you my nonexistent gymnastics skills." A huge smile spreads across your face. "I just discovered a great way to release all my frustration."

"By falling off the bed?"

"No, but yes." You lean in like you're about to tell them a secret. "You know... I bet Min Yoongi is cursing the heavens right now, isn't he? For pairing him with someone like me."

Namjoon stares at you incredulously. "Don't tell me..."

"She's going to do it anyway," Jimin tells him, before turning to you. "You're just going to hurt yourself to hurt him, Y/N? Are you for real?"

"It's perfect!"

"It's stupid, and usually I would tell you to go for it if you were planning to kick some dumbass's butt, but not if you're getting hurt in the process."

"Well, I'm doing it anyway," you say. You're 100% decided; you've just found the one part of your bond with Yoongi that delights you the most, and with that comes your singular goal: irritating him to no end. "And this isn't even that bad, Jimin. Wait until I'm on my period. Then he's really going to wish he never knew me."

Actually, you're screwed.

"Ouch!" you hiss, your body jerking at the pain that courses through your arm. You're forced to stop writing mid-word, the dark blue ink a mess on your paper due to these constant interruptions of your sudden movements. "What the fuck?!"

The girl sitting across from you raises her eyebrows at you, half concerned for your sanity.

"Sorry," you whisper apologetically. "My soulmate's a jerk. Honestly, I probably caused this, but I don't regret it at all."

She laughs, eyes turning into small crescents. "Hate at first sight?"

"More like at first conversation." You sigh, letting the pen fall from your fingers. "I don't know how I'm supposed to get along with him, let alone love him. We have absolutely nothing in common, and I'm pretty sure this dislike is mutual. Which reminds me—"

You bang your knee against the table in retribution for Yoongi's attack on his own arm, a satisfied smile on your face.

"Wow." The girl stares at you, rather taken aback. "That's some serious beef you two have got."

"Yep. Can't stand him," you confirm. "What about you? Have you found yours yet?"

"Not yet," she says, trying to look indifferent — but you catch that wistful look in her eyes. "Someday soon, hopefully."

"You'll find them," you say, the exact words you've repeated to Jimin multiple times over the years. "Time is all it takes. I hope yours is less of a jerk than mine... and if they are, I'm more than happy to instruct you in the ways of torturing them."

"Noted," she smiles, before returning to her book.

You, though, can't focus. Actually, you haven't been able to concentrate on anything lately — ever since this trivial back and forth between you and Yoongi turned into something more desperate and warlike, it's all that's ever on your mind.

Sighing, you stand up, leaving your place at the table to go fetch a book from one of the many shelves lining the opposite wall of the library. It doesn't take you long to find what you're looking for, but you immediately stumble over and hit the ground, nearly knocking your head against the wood of the shelf.

"Fuck," you hear someone curse in the next aisle. You know that voice, you realize after a few seconds, immediately ducking your head around the corner in amused curiosity.

"What'd you do to yourself this time?"

Yoongi scowls at you from the ground, as irked as always. "None of your business."

"It kind of is, actually, now that I feel it too."

"Oh, really? Where was that concern when you were hurting yourself just to get back at me for doing absolutely nothing?"

"You did it back! You have no right to be telling me what I did was wrong if you decided to do it too!"

"Why the hell did you do it in the first place?"

"Shh!" The librarian walks past the two of you, giving you a sharp glare as she replaces a few books with the ones in her hands. You nod apologetically to her, head bowed.

"You're so loud," you whisper a few seconds later, just as Yoongi gets himself off the ground and has managed to gather the books he'd dropped.

"You literally started yelling first, Y/N."

A deep frown makes its way onto your face. "You know what? I still don't understand why you're like this. Can we not have a civil conversation for once? Every time I talk to you it turns into a goddamn argument!"

"Yeah, well, maybe if you'd just minded your own business, we wouldn't be having this argument!" Yoongi pauses for a breath. "You always make it an argument, Y/N, I don't go out of my way to pick a fight with you!"

"Isn't that what you're doing right now?"

"No! I just don't understand your problem with me! Look," he says, a little calmer, "I know you don't want to be my soulmate. And I'm not particularly in love with you either. But you can at least act like I'm human too, right? Or is that too much for your inflated pride?"

"Did you just call me arrogant?" you ask incredulously, trailing after him as he walks back to where he was sitting. "You think I'm doing this because I'm conceited?"

"N—"

"Well, for your information, I'm not. I just really dislike you."

Yoongi tongues his cheek in frustration, slamming his book down onto the table. "And for what?" he demands. "I like to know it if and when I fuck up, Y/N. Stop repeating the fact that you hate me and just tell me why."

You flinch at his harsh tone and the sensation that sends a painful twinge through your palm. "You're just... you're so hard to talk to," you accuse. "Like, really? How am I supposed to wrap my head around this whole thing when I can't have a conversation with you without feeling like shit?"

He's gaping at you now. "I'm making you feel like shit? And you're not doing the same by basically trash talking me to my face?"

"I'm not! I'm just telling the truth; and besides, you asked!"

"Who are you to go around judging the way people are? Not everyone is bubbly and cheery, you know? Being grumpy for a second doesn't mean being grumpy for a lifetime!"

"Well, I can't tell, can I? Not when you always act like you hate the rest of the human race!"

Yoongi doesn't reply to you, just staring back at you for a few moments. Instead, his jaw clenches as he turns away without any kind of rebuttal.

"Alright," he says gruffly. "I'll go first."

Your eyes widen slightly as your frustration dissipates. You'd only meant to check on him out of curiosity after his fall, you hadn't intended for it to escalate to this scale at all... "Wait—"

"Don't bother to talk to me next time," he interrupts you, a hint of bitterness to his voice. "Since I always make you feel like shit, anyways."

"No, I didn't m—"

Yoongi's gone before you can give him any miserable excuse from your side, bag slung over his shoulder and that cup of coffee in his right hand. You catch a glimpse of his fingers wrapped around the cup, two band-aids covering the knuckles of his smallest digits, and you can't help but wonder... did you do that to him? All those days you spent wrapping bandages around your legs and arms, was he doing the same?

But you hate him, right? No matter how closely bound you two are, you're allowed to do this, aren't you?

You don't know.

You recall the sight of his worn out expression and sigh, shaking your head. Whatever it is about Min Yoongi that draws the worst out of you, you'll never know. All you're sure of is that apparently you're supposed to love him, apparently you're supposed to be his and vice versa. But you just can't.

As you trudge back to your seat, you notice that the girl from earlier is still there, still taking diligent notes — except her eyes now follow you, a mixture of concern and curiosity.

"I'm fine," you state. The words come out far harsher than intended, but she doesn't seem to take offense.

"Really?" she asks instead. "S'great if you are, but if you're not then you're just lying to yourself, Y/N."

You blink at her, surprised. "Huh? How'd you know my name?"

"You guys were yelling," she explains. "I could hear him from over here."

"Aish. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it." She chews on her pencil for a second, seemingly contemplating something. "Mind if I give you my two cents?"

The girl's awfully blunt and gets right to the point, and it reminds you of your friends for a moment. Something about her just makes you want to trust her, to let her in.

So you shrug your shoulders and say, "Sure."

"Second chances only come once."

"Huh?"

She nods, tucking her hair behind her ear. "You don't really know anything about him," she says. "You don't know what's happened to him before. You could be his second chance, and he probably just took a blow after that whole debacle you two had over there."

"What?"

She chuckles softly, and you find yourself rethinking your stance on the situation. She's right, she's right, your heart tells you, but your brain is saying something else entirely, and it's maddening.

"Give him a chance, Y/N. Everyone deserves one."

Hours later, you're still thinking about what a random stranger said to you at the library earlier.

Yoongi? A chance? No, thank you. You don't need to waste any more of your time on guys that aren't going to give you the time of day once they're not interested.

And yet, a small part of your conscience says otherwise. He's not just any guy, it reminds you. You're soulmates for a reason.

You're so frustrated you want to tear your hair out. "Soulmates are stupid!"

Jimin walks into your room with two cans of soda, an eyebrow raised as he tosses one to you. "Yikes, Y/N. What's gotten into you today?"

"Min Yoongi," you grumble.

Your best friend gapes at you, nearly spilling his soda all over himself. "I'm sorry, what?"

"What?"

"Already, Y/N?!"

You're confused as you take a sip of the sweet drink. "Already what, Jimin?"

He's opening and closing his mouth, eyes so wide he looks like a clown out of those children's cartoons. "You and Yoongi — you guys — I can't believe you finally got laid!"

This prompts you to spit out the liquid in your mouth, dissolving into a coughing fit as you try and regain your breath.

"There, there," Jimin says, stroking your back gently. "I won't mention it again if you don't want me to, I'm sorry. Was he a bad lay?"

"A bad what? Jimin, I don't know what you think I'm doing, but having sex with him is most certainly not on my list," you frown.

Your best friend, on the other hand, looks totally dumbfounded.

"Huh? But you answered with his name!"

You smack the side of his head gently. "That's not how idioms work, dumbass."

"Okay, sheesh, sorry," he apologizes, rubbing his temple. "But really, though. Everything okay with Yoongi?"

"Not really," you say truthfully, "but it's fine. Neither of us are expecting anything from the other."

Jimin looks skeptical as he eyes you carefully. "You sure?"

"Mhm."

He tilts his head back, draining the can of soda as he swallows. "You know, Y/N, maybe you should give the guy a chance."

There it is again, that word. The one thing everyone tells you that you need to give.

But is it worth your time? Is he worth your time? Or is he just going to walk away and leave you broken again? Maybe you're being selfish, but you'd rather spare yourself the heartbreak process than willingly go into something you know won't be good for you.

"Yeah, okay," you lie through your teeth, soda can still nearly full in your hand. "Maybe I will."

taglist: @meiadore @kimnamjoonluvbot @im-gay-no-matter-who-i-date @fangirl125reader @helenazbmrskai @min-yus @janeelizabeth1216 @chimchiekookie @chimchoom @igotnotype @beach-bitch-bitch-beach

taglist is still open! send an ask if you'd like me to add you <3

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#yoongi #yoongi soulmate au #yoongi enemies to lovers #yoongi college au #bts #bts fanfiction #bts college au #bts soulmate au #bts enemies to lovers #fluff #angst #crack?? idk #yoongi series #part 2 #mine #yoongi x reader #yoongi fanfic

[courtney-deserved-better]

whats ur writing schedule/process like! not in a “write faster” way, but i think once you mentioned writing in script form? and i like the way you wrote ur most recent fic! just curious bc ur works are just really good :)

this is a great question!!

if its not slippery slopes, ill usually get an idea for something and periodically jot down notes when they come to me until I feel like i have enough information to start writing (or if im just motivated), that's what i did for my horror challenge rewrite. and for stuff that's like... rewrites of an episode that aren't as character-focused as slippery slopes, i usually read the episode transcripts and try to replicate that total drama style with my own writing

for shorter oneshots, i usually just get a vague idea and run with it until i find a good ending spot, then i go back and clean it up a bit so the structure works

slippery slopes is an... interesting cycle. chapters are getting long enough that i cant just write them in one sitting any more (i think ch5 was the last chapter i did that for) and instead ill agonize over the beginning (always the hardest part to write for me) but once i get going with that i usually finish the chapter within a few days. then i reread the previous chapter to make sure it flows ok (and there aren't any contradictions) and then ill give myself a break where i dont do anything total drama related before coming back to edit and post. though before I do all that I type up notes and rough dialogue bits

and then once i post it it's like... a weight off my chest? like ive been purged or something?? idk its a weird sensation but im just like i Physically Cannot Write Anything For This Right Now and i don't start on the next chapter until that goes away. and then i either start the beginning and do nothing for a week before going back and finishing the chapter or i go into a manic state and write nonstop for a few days. right now i haven't reached a point where im ready to begin writing chapter 10 but i have a lot of notes for it.

(also as soon as i finish posting a chapter i try not to go on my laptop for like 12 hours so i don't obsessively refresh my email for comments. i love reading comments so much holy shit. please comment guys it makes fic authors feel so happy we will love you for it)

as for scripts: i am working on being a writer professionally, but specifically a playwright. writing in a script format comes more naturally to me than writing prose. funnily enough, i started posting fanfic just to practice my prose (and fix stuff in cobra kai that i didnt like) but things sort of... ended up here? idk man but im enjoying it.

right, so because writing in a script format is easier when im really struggling with a section in a fic ill usually scrap whatever i had and write it like a script, then translate that into prose. i was very excited to write the family videos for chapter 9 of slippery slopes, but i was Having Issues, so i redid it as a script and then rewrote that as prose. ill put the script version under the cut if you're interested in that.

but thank you so much for the question!! i do think my writing process is a bit unconventional but hey i think things are turning out well! if you have any more questions feel free to send them in!!

ok here is the last scene of ch 9 of slippery slopes in script format:

[SIERRA]

MOM: Hi honey! Omigosh this is so exciting! I bet you’re having such a great time! Especially since Chris is there! Is Chris watching this? Hi Chris! You know, I loooved you on that ice skating show. Your hair was fantastic! Well, it always is, haha. Do you really make your own hair gel? I’ve been trying to perfect the recipe but you’re just so hard to track down! Oh, you’re such a funny guy! I laughed sooo hard when you made all those jokes about marrying Chef.

Chef: hey!

Chris: ok just for the record, I wasn’t joking, we are married, Sierra tell your mom we’re married

Sierra: …can we just turn it off please

[COURTNEY]

DAD: Courtney, sayang, I know you’ve been going through a lot right now—

MOM: So you’d BETTER make it count. You’ve made it this far before, I want to see you getting all the way to the finale this time. And winning it. Enough moping about those hideous, good-for-nothing slackers! That’s what you get for hanging around freaks like them. You’re doing this for the million, now get the million. Is that clear?

ZARINA: And kick ass!

DAD: Zarina!

Video cuts out.

Alejandro: courtney you good?

Courtney: no, she’s right. Mama didn’t raise no quitter

Alejandro: [knows she’s still upset about duncan and gwen]

[ALEJANDRO]

MOM: Hola, Alejandro. We hope you are doing well, especially in such unsavory conditions. I’m glad to see you’ve made it to the final four— we expected nothing less, of course.

DAD: You have been utilizing your skills quite well. Though I wish you hadn’t been so… blatant about it. You’ll have to work twice as hard once this is over to convince people you’re trustworthy. But surely you were aware of that going into this… odd endeavor. That’s just politics. Reputation is everything.

JOSE: [snorts] Oh, and what a reputation you have, Al. I could easily compile hours of footage of your failures, but I, unlike you, do not waste my time on the frivolities of reality television. Though you always have been lacking in taste. Especially with that bratty girlfriend of yours— oh, my mistake, aren’t you dating the whiny weakling? It’s so hard to keep track! [laughs]

Alejandro: callate!

MOM: I’m sure Alejandro is just working an angle on them.

DAD: Whatever the case is, do not disappoint us.

[NOAH]

MOM: Hi Noah, I’m sorry, I don’t have time to record a full video, but I’m proud of you! Here are your sisters!

ISWARI: A million dollars? A million [bleep] dollars? Win it, Noah! Win it!

RUTH: Dude!! This is crazy! I know you can do this— good luck! Ark misses you! [holds up Ark who barks]

MARA: Are you insane? Why aren’t you dating Alejandro already?

Noah: shut up, mara, just because you can’t keep a boyfriend—

ANYA: Don’t let ‘em trick you! No mercy! Crush their skulls if you have to— no, wait, you’re not strong enough for that. We’ll get there!

LIYA: I say this as your sister, someone who loves you but is constantly annoyed by you— for someone who is quite literally a genius, you sure can be an idiot sometimes.

BALLARI: Okay, I literally have no idea how you’ve made it this far without an athletic bone in your body— are we sure you aren’t adopted? I’m kidding

ABS: You’re stubborn as hell when it comes to me, so you better be stubborn as hell when it comes to winning! And when you do win, get me a frozen yogurt machine, will you? I promise I won’t make you rock climb again!

JAEL: If you lose this, I’ll kill you with this racket. And then use your guts to make myself a new racket. So don’t fuck it up. Again.

Noah: [frozen, ashamed]

Sierra: well that was a mess

Courtney: ok show of hands, who felt better after hearing that? [no one raises hands]

Chris: yeah I was expecting this to be a lot more heartwarming…

Chef: chris just look at them. If they had stable home lives they wouldn’t be doing reality tv

Alejandro: can we please stop talking about this. Also aren’t you supposed to be flying the plane

Chef: oh fuck

Chris: yeah sure. I think im gonna call my mom

Everyone: …

Noah: ok so that was really shitty. Why dont we all go to first class and try and ignore our problems

Everyone: yeah ok sounds good

***

Courtney: so that sucked

Alejandro: at least your dad seems ok

Courtney: true. What are your guys dads like

Noah and Sierra: bold of you to assume I know my dad. Jinx

***

Alejandro: that last girl… you mentioned a sister who does tennis and hates you

Noah: yep

Alejandro: why?

Noah: none of your business. but… it is pretty justified

#slippery slopes #ask #anon #total drama #writing #fic #my fic

[mishkakagehishka]

hiya korka!!! how are you doing today?

anyway, since you reblogged that thing asking about questions... how about why valkyrie are your favorite unit? or some of your favorite things about your culture/the country you live in if you're willing to share~? (i'm so curious and you talk about it a lot!!)

WE GOT ANOTHER ONE (interested in the culture) LADS /lh

Okay but wait hiiiii!! I'm doing quite well, resting up😌 I hope you're still fine, too!

Firstly, Valkyrie. Valkyrie. [Screams] okay, to understand why I love Valkyrie, you need to understand me on a molecular level. Not really, just some key facts - n°1 I am unfortunately very into steampunk, have been for ages, it's peak aesthetics to me. Victorian era in general, too, but specifically, like, the 1860s and 70s and 80s were a blessing for western european fashion, and you cannot change my mind. I love crinolines and bustles and corsets and I want them back soooo bad. But then steampunk is like. Personally, I think industrialisation was a mistake (/hj), but steampunk aesthetics? The bronze, the cogs, the goggles, the clocks, the myriad of belts? Yeah. Go off. N°2 so my music taste is questionable, a singular "kpop" band, videogame soundtracks and anime rappers, mostly. But the one thing I'm willing to call my taste superior over is the fact that I love chamber pop and adore baroque and classicism especially.

And when my friend showed me Valkyrie, who do (livelier - very, yes i'll say this again, baroque of them) chamber pop with steampunk aesthetics, what was I supposed to do? Not install Ensemble Stars then and there? But! I could have just been a ValkyrieP without being a Shu and MikaP so I'll also say why I'm a ValkyrieP both as in "I have all of their songs downloaded on my phone" and "I'm tempted to throw my actual irl money at happyele if it's to get Shu or Mika cards". But if I said all the reasons, we'd be here until tomorrow, so I'll keep it brief: I fucking love well-written conflict and a satisfactory conclusion to a story. Granted, enstars is ongoing, but I'm mainly talking ab their growth during ! here. The contrast between early ! and early !! ... it's like. It makes me want to send flowers and chocolates to Akira, because the character development is immaculate, makes sense, it's well-written, and well-paced. Like, it takes a while, and they're still not quite "there" yet, but you can taste and feel the progress. It makes you want to root for them imo bc you see how much they've already done.

Is this already getting too long? Maybe. ANYWAY I recognise you put "or" between the two, but guess what, I'm gonna tell you about a proposal tradition that I've been going insane about for a month now. Nobody does it anymore (but I better be proposed to that way or I'm rejecting smh), but like. So, in Croatian, "engaged" is hard to literally translate. Zaručiti, can be separated into za and ručiti, and ručiti comes from ruke. Za ruke (and zaruke means "engagement"), would mean "hands" but you gotta use a verb. As in, "hold hands" or "take [someone's] hands" - držati za ruke, uzeti za ruke. I always thought this was metaphorical, like, taking your s/o's hands as a symbol of going into life together. Anyway. In ye olden times, proposing would be like. The couple literally joins hands and pledges love to one another (which used to be the marriage rite itself), and the girl gets gifted an apple, money and/or a ring. And then gets spun around in the direction of the Sun, which I thought was hilarious, but also cute. The old wedding traditions are cute, too (personal fave: best man has to tie the couple together with rope), but modern weddings are more like drink and party until you see the Sun, and then some more.

#i could talk ab valkyrie for a month straight and still have more to say btw but this is like why i love them laconically #there's a lot of factors. i'm drawn to them as character /and/ they have banging aesthetics and music <3 #asks

[nurseanddex]

1/2 fluff and nurseydex for the prompts please!

Oh my god thank you so much for this prompt because it hard core inspired me to produce some of the most tooth rotting fluff of my life!

Send me a prompt and a pairing from one of these lists if you feel so inclined, just please specify which list it’s from! :)

Prompts: “how much did you drink?” and “aw, you’re so cute.”

Will Poindexter forgot one very important thing during a long summer away from Samwell. Tub juice was magically malicious.

Somehow, despite the truly obscene amounts of so many different kinds of alcohol used in its creation, tub juice didn’t taste like alcohol. It just tasted like juice. This particular batch tasted vaguely like fruit punch, only the slight bite of the aftertaste betraying the staggering amount of alcohol contained inside.

Which is why during the first kegster of his junior year, Will was three and a half glasses of the disturbingly lime green concoction in when he was suddenly hit by the tub juice all at once. Will was no lightweight, but his now drunken brain recalled Shitty once saying that tub juice could probably knock a bear off its feet if it drank enough. He felt himself start swaying, his balance disturbed by the effects of the alcohol. His legs didn’t seem to want to keep him upright anymore, so he started making his way to the edge of the room where he could lean against a wall and let it do most of the work. Slowly and extremely unsteady, he had almost made it when his foot caught on the corner of the stupid couch.

Will barely had time to register that he was going down before a strong arm had snaked around his waist, arresting his fall and pulling him back upright, into a surprisingly firm chest. He felt the heat rise in his cheeks when he realized, after far too long to play off as accidental, that somehow his hands had wound up positioned on his hero’s insane pecs and abs. And he had spent the last ten seconds essentially feeling him up. Panicking, he tried to pull away but over corrected, losing his footing. He would have fallen were it not for the tighter than strictly necessary grip that his hero had on his waist.

“I thought I was supposed to be the clumsy one, Poindexter,” a familiar voice declared in his ear, struggling to be heard over the thumping bass beat of Ransom and Holster’s party playlist, still in use despite them having graduated. The blush on his cheeks turned fire engine red as his alcohol logged brain registered just whose arms he was in.

“Scuz you are,” Dex slurred, unable to bring himself to meet Nursey’s intoxicatingly green eyes, “You tripped on air an fell down the stairs at Faber, 'member?” Nursey laughed, and Dex could feel it ripple through his chest. He’d never hugged another man for this long before, and it was making his dumb unrequited little crush harder and harder to ignore.

“And yet, I’m not the one in a fight with gravity tonight.” Dex tried to wriggle free of Nursey’s grasp, but his limbs no longer appeared to be responding to his brain, making it futile. Nursey seemed to realize what he was trying to do and relaxed his grip, but still kept a hand on his waist to steady him.

“Seriously though, Dex, are you good? How much did you drink?” The concern in his voice surprised Dex. Sure, they had come a long way from the constant bickering of their frog year, but Dex would never have thought they’d become close enough for Nursey to worry about him.

“I din drink tha much.” Dex cringed when the words came out sounding as drunk as he felt.

“That’s what I thought,” Nursey chuckled. “Come on, lets get you upstairs.” He wound his arm around Dex’s waist again and gently maneuvered him through the crowded party and up the stairs to their room. He continued to hold Dex tucked closely into his side even away from the crush of the crowd, fumbling one handed with the key to unlock their door. Sober Dex would have spent ten minutes overthinking what that could possibly mean, but he did not have the mental capacity for that train of thought in his current state. After what felt like an eon, Nursey finally got the door open and deposited Dex down onto his bunk.

“Now, are you going to help me get you ready for bed, or am I going to have to undress you myself?” Nursey smirked, and damnit, Dex was blushing fire engine red all over again. He cursed the universe for his pathetic crush on Derek Nurse, and Nursey for managing to say all the right things to keep him from ever being able to get over it. Nursey had begun to unlace his sneakers, making Dex worried that maybe he was actually serious about undressing him. He tried to pull his shirt over his head, his poor gay heart would not survive being undressed by Derek Nurse.

Unfortunately for him, he somehow managed to get stuck. He could hear Nursey’s stupidly perfect laugh, muffled through the fabric, then suddenly gentle hands were easing his head and arms free. Nursey tugged the fabric away and then they were face to face in the darkness, Nursey’s lips distractingly close. Dex forced himself to breathe, trying desperately to think about literally anything else but kissing Nursey.

“You think you can handle it from here?” Nursey asked, not breaking eye contact until Dex nodded belatedly. Dex waited until Nursey had gone into the bathroom they shared with Chowder before struggling with his jeans. When he’d finally managed to fight his way free, he stumbled to the dresser for a clean pair of pajama pants. He was thoroughly impressed with himself for managing to pull them on and get back into his bed without incident. Nursey came out of the bathroom, the light illuminating him from behind and making him look like an honest to god angel descended from the heavens.

Aw, god, you’re so cute it’s insane, Dex thought, trying not to stare too hard at Nursey’s stupid chiseled abs.

Nursey froze.

The silence stretched on for a moment as Nursey stared at Dex in disbelief, and Dex could not understand why until-

“Fuck, did I say that out loud?” he cursed, praying to whoever might be listening that the ground would swallow him up immediately. Nursey nodded, walking over to sit on the floor next to Dex’s bunk.

“Did you mean it?” he whispered, the expression on his face unreadable. Dex briefly contemplated taking the out, blaming it all on the tub juice. But he was never going to have any peace living with Nursey if he never got over his stupid crush, so he steeled himself for the rejection and forced himself to meet Nursey’s gaze.

“Spossible I have a bit of a crush on you,” he admitted, and then Nursey was suddenly on top of him and they were kissing and Dex thought that this was maybe the best thing that had ever happened to him.

“God, Dex, I’ve had a thing for you for ages,” Nursey breathed, when they finally broke apart.

“Why would you ever-” Nursey shut him up with a hungry kiss that burned away every doubt before he could voice them.

                                                         ~~~

They woke up the next morning in a tangle of limbs to golden sunlight streaking through their windows. Somehow, Nursey was even more beautiful first thing in the morning, practically glowing in the sunshine. Dex snuggled closer, and Nursey sleepily pulled him fully into his arms, silent reassurance that the events of last night hadn’t been the product of a drunken dream.

“Hey, Dex?”

“What?”

“Did you know that when you blush it goes all the way down your chest?” Nursey laughed.

“Oh my god, I hate you. I hate you so much.”

“You do not, you loooooooooooove me.”

“I’m breaking up with you.” Nursey just gave him a gentle kiss in response, and Dex smiled against his lips. Maybe getting chirped within an inch of his life wasn’t so bad if it ended in kisses.

#upstreams #alison answers things #may or may not be partially inspired by me drinking half a bottle of wine to celebrate today thinking it wasnt affecting me at all #only to stand up and immediately almost fall down because somehow i managed to get drunk without realizing oops #also if anyone who reads this has artistic talent and wants to draw drunk Dex in Nursey's arms that would be the literal best thing ever #i have such a clear image in my head but lack the artistic talent to bring it to life #William Poindexter #derek nurse #nurseydex #check please #my writing #also i hope you dont mind i changed the prompt a little to make it fit better

[bang-and-a-blintz]

Through the Darkness

CHAPTER SEVEN - RED AND BLUES

Fandom: Dracula (2020)  

Relationship: Dracula/Roxana(OFC)  

Rating: Mature  

Warnings: None  

Word Count: 3,708

In hindsight, Roxana probably shouldn't have had three strongly poured bloody marys. She should have switched to something less filling after a big meal; like a vodka soda, if she felt like keeping to the same liquor, or a gin and tonic to stir things up. Unfortunately, all the tomato juice and grits and bread and sausage and eggs did not mix well with the sight of someone's throat being literally torn open.

It was nasty, but at least now she could jot down 'successfully grossed out a five-hundred-something-year-old vampire' in her list of lifetime achievements.

"Well, that was…unexpected." Dracula said after a moment, his hands hung in the air like they were held up by marionette strings, "Revolting, yes, but I have to admit, this is a first."

"I…um, I would apologize, but -"

"Yes, you should be sorry! This is an Ermenegildo Zegna." He growled lowly and the Italian name slid off his tongue in such a way that it sent shivers down her spine. Not entirely unpleasant ones, she'd be loath to admit.

"Who cares about a suit? You just ended that man's life!" She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and took a few steps back to distance herself from the vampire. "Besides, you clearly can afford another one."

Dracula rolled his eyes and sighed, his hands now working on their own accord as he began to carefully peel the ruined jacket away from his body. "It's not about the money, Roxana, it's about the craftsmanship and quality of the items; think of the countless hours spent meticulously sewing and sizing each individual article of clothing. All of that dedication and hard work tossed away just because you can't stomach a little bit of blood."

"Unbelievable." She began to pace in a small circle, dragging her nails quite viciously and repeatedly through her unruly locks. "You care more about some bits of fabric than a human being's life."

After shaking off the chunks from the coat, he placed it sloppily over the corpse and started working on his vest. There was that ferocity that he recognized in her, it reminded him of Agatha, and it was that Van Helsing fire that was not so easily snubbed. "You will come to learn, my dear, that death is part of the journey. It is the finished masterpiece. Think of it as your magnum opus! It is the very thing that defines the meaning of every life and is nothing that you should be afraid of."

"You're missing my point completely and, for the record, I'm not scared of death."

Dracula was relieved to find the button-up shirt underneath his vest to be unscathed, but also a little more than slightly intrigued by her statement. He would, how they say, put a pin in it and return back to that later. "Then why are you so upset? It's not like you knew him."

She groaned and threw up her hands in exasperation. Roxana was not about to try and teach an old vampire new moral tricks, that was well above her pay grade.

Rolling up his sleeves, the Count set out to retrieve his belongings from the pockets of his jacket and then fitted the dirtied clothes onto the dead body. For the final touch, he slid his Ray Bans over the man's glassy eyes. "Ah, good enough, I suppose."

Dracula took a step back to view his handiwork while absentmindedly wiped the remaining blood from his face. Roxana stopped her pacing to stare dumbly at the sight before her. The mugger was propped up against the wall with his head drooped down to the side, covering the neck wound so it looked like someone who had little too much fun and passed out on the sidewalk. Not an entirely uncommon sight in this city.

"Please tell me you're not just going to leave him here."

He looked at her with raised brows, "And what would you have me do?"

"Clean up after yourself!" Roxana cried out. The adrenaline rush she got from witnessing a murder had not completely dissipated so now she was left grasping a bout of minor hysteria. "I would think that would be obvious!"

Dracula laughed, "That's rich coming from someone who just upchucked her dinner all over one of my finest suits!"

"Because you decided to floss your teeth with some dude's carotid artery."

"Why are you surprised? You know what I am!"

"Well, excuse me if I was a little caught off guard because it's a hell of a lot different seeing a vampire up close and in action as opposed to a tiny, shitty computer screen!" She was nearly shouting, oblivious to the desperation in her own voice as he drew closer. Her neck craned upwards to try and boldly keep eye contact while his grin grew to make him look like the cat who caught the canary. "Stop smiling like that!"

"Make me." His tone was teasingly low, those eyes wicked and sharp. She noticed how lively Dracula looked after he fed. It was unsettling.

WHOOP! WHOOP!

They jumped apart as sirens suddenly yipped at them and a bright flashlight waved back and forth between their faces. The dark street was instantly flooded by the red and blues spinning on top of the police car.

"Oh, fuck me." She murmured with wide eyes. Her hands instinctively started to raise a little before she forced them back down, reminding herself to act casual.

Dracula leaned over slightly, "Is that an invitation?"

"Please shut up." She hissed back, shooting him a glare. "And no, it's not."

He made a facial shrug and then smirked, tossing her a casual little wink just to rile her up. The short, frustrated huff he got in return was satisfying enough.

"Everything all right here?" The cop rolled down his window and peered out at them. "And how about your friend over there? He's not looking so great."

The light shined over the dead guy leaning against the wall and the pair froze, glancing at one another.

This was her moment, she could tell the officer about the murder and maybe he could protect her against…the vampire. Oh, who was she kidding? Dracula would quicker snap her neck and drain the officer before risking the chance of exposure like that.

Meanwhile, her inner moral soldiers battled fiercely inside her brain over whether or not she should even say something about the murder. On the one hand, the count was a vicious blood-sucker who killed a man in a blink of the eye without any remorse, but on the other hand, it was technically self-defense…on her behalf anyway.

Logic eventually won when she realized that even if she did rat him out, it was highly unlikely the cop would even believe the truth. She would sound like a crazy person. The mental image of Dracula laughing and waving while she, hands uncomfortably cuffed behind her back, watched on with teary eyes as he grew smaller and smaller in the distance because the cruiser she was detained in drove off to the nearest prison…or an insane asylum. Whichever was closest.

Be killed or incarcerated? Neither were ideal. So Roxana went for door number three instead.

Dracula saw the look on her face. The look of a scared little rabbit getting ready to bolt. He had already tensed in preparation for her to make a sudden move but, to his surprise, that peculiar look vanished and Roxana smiled.

"All good here, officer! And yes, unfortunately this drunk pleb is with us. We were just about to get a ride back to the airbnb, sir." She shrugged her shoulders with a laugh. "It was his first time on Bourbon Street."

"Yes, I do believe he had one too many bloodys," Dracula was pleasantly surprised by her change in demeanor and happily played along. "Poor man vomited all over himself before we could find him a bin. Such a lightweight."

The officer squinted a little and they waited with bated breaths as he took a moment, which really felt like ages, to decide whether or not he believed their story.

"Alright then," He said at length and pointed to Dracula, "You make sure they get home safe now, ya hear?"

Roxana's eyebrows rose in disbelief while the Count grinned toothily, stepping over to her. She felt his hand slide up her spine and rest in a light grip around the back of her neck. "Of course, officer. I'll take care of them."

With a nod, the cop turned off his lights and drove back down the street, making a left at the next corner. Roxana let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and dropped her shoulders.

That was a close call.

"My, my, your heart is racing, Roxana." Dracula murmured into the darkness that had enveloped them once more. His thumb brushed over her pulse point and he was thrilled when it spiked at the touch. She went to move away but halted her step when she felt his grip tighten, those claws threatening to make a cut. He turned her to face him and firmly, but gently tilted her head back to force her to meet his stare.

"That was your chance. Why didn't you say anything?"

"Please," She scoffed and jutted her chin out defiantly, "We both know it would've been pointless."

"Still," He spoke softly, his head angling back as he observed her, "You could have told the police officer the truth."

"And have you kill us both? I think not. Remember, the foundation showed me those videos and I know you're immune to bullets. So what good would that have done me?"

Dracula stared at her for a moment and then wetted his lips slowly before speaking, inching closer and closer towards her face. "For the last time, I'm not killing you yet because I wish to get to know you, but if you keep bringing it up, I might feel inclined to change that timeframe."

"Well are you going to be this intolerable all the time? Because if so, then just get on with it, I'm in no mood to play a long con here, big guy."

"No, I do believe the fun has just begun."

"Great. Just great." Roxana was truly done. She could still taste the bile on her tongue like acid, it made her feel disgusting, and she wanted nothing more than the day to end. "Now, if you'll let me go, I'm in desperate need of a shower, a toothbrush, and a bed. Maybe a nightcap too because the last twenty-four hours of my life have been absolutely fucked."

Acquiescing her request, Dracula released his grip and allowed her to distance herself from him once more. He watched as she dragged a hand down her face and heaved a sigh; her blue eyes almost shined in the darkness up at him as she gave him a tired half-assed glare. She then turned and started walking towards Canal Street.

"Where are you going?"

"Home." She called over her shoulder, her manners be damned. "Goodnight, Dracula."

The Count gawked when she didn't even give him a second glance and he did nothing but watch as she made her way to the end of the street and disappeared around the corner. He truly did not understand that woman. Perhaps it was ingrained in the Van Helsing blood to be habitually nonplussed by his vampiric prowess.

He pulled out his cell phone with a sigh as his thoughts drifted to the dead man wearing his now-ruined five-thousand-dollar suit and about a quart of said Van Helsing's DNA. Dracula needed to get rid of that evidence before it came back and bit him in the ass. No pun intended.

"Hello, my lord, how was your day today?" Renfield sounded chipper as ever.

"I need you to dispose of a body."

Dracula grinned from ear to ear as he listened delightfully to the unfiltered frustration in Frank Renfield's long-suffering sigh.

—

What a day, Roxana thought as she shuffled onto the streetcar and plopped down in one of the wooden seats. With a lurch, the machine squealed and rattled as it moved forward along the track. She winced; the benches on these particular modes of transportation were incredibly unforgiving on one's posterior.

Blankly, she stared into nothing, not paying attention as the buildings passed by. The events of the night played on repeat in her mind. A real vampire killed a real person right before her eyes. Was this really real life now? She was too exhausted to try and figure it out.

She felt like an outsider looking in on her body as it ran on autopilot. Her hand pulled the string to stop the car and somehow her feet managed to take her all the way to her front step without incident.

Fifolet meowed at her incessantly by the door but it sounded muted and far away as she unlocked it. Robotically, she made a beeline to the bathroom and shed her clothes along the way. Not even waiting for the water to warm up, Roxana stood unflinchingly under the cold spray and began to clean herself as the temperature increased to the cusp of scalding. She scrubbed and scrubbed until her skin was red and raw. When she was finished, she pressed her forehead against the tiled wall and closed her eyes, simply listening to the water roar around her.

Without thinking, she lifted her hand up to gently wrap her fingers around her neck and couldn't stop her mind from wandering…from remembering the distinct sensation of another hand. His hand. She could almost still feel the vast expanse of his palm grasping her jugular and those impossibly long fingers curling nearly all the way around. Or how he leaned so close until he was just a breath away and anytime she would inhale, those fingers would tighten ever-so-slightly against her flesh.

Roxana's eyes shot open and she dropped her hand like it was on fire. Goosebumps lit up her arms and legs, despite the scorching water. Slamming the nozzle off, she threw back the curtains and began to dry off with furious gusto.

He was a vile creature. A feral beast. Not even human. The mere memory of his hands on her should be enough to appall her entirely. It must be delirium, she thought stubbornly, shaking the abhorrently traitorous images from her mind. She wrapped the towel around her head and strode towards the bedroom.

"I just need to go the fuck to sleep." Roxana muttered to herself and swiped the half-empty bottle of bourbon from the counter on her way. She collapsed onto the bed once she reached it, but sleep did not find her. Instead, she laid awake through the early hours of the morning, watching the ceiling fan spin on and on and on. She steadily knocked back the remainder of the liquor until the corners of her visions blurred and her eyelids became too heavy to keep open.

By the time the sun had risen in the sky, the bottle had rolled underneath her bed, long since emptied, and her light snores could be heard along with the chirping birdsongs. Fifolet patted over and curled up next to the woman, resting her paw gently on her outstretched arm and knowing that her human would be needing comfort now more than ever before.

—

The rest of the week flew by without any sort of batty drama and Roxana was grateful for it. She had a light workload with only two dinners scheduled and each went off without a hitch. All felt to be back to normal within her world. The weather wasn't comfortable yet, unfortunately, so she spent most of her free time relaxing at home. Not that she was using the cold as an excuse to stay inside and away from a certain someone. Nope, not a chance.

After that night, she had woken up with a righteous hangover and truly believed she had made up everything that had occurred in those twenty-four hours, but the textual evidence on her phone proved otherwise. Dracula had messaged her just once, to make sure she had made it home after their encounter, which she had to begrudgingly admit was rather sweet. Other than that, she was surprised to hear nothing more from the Count.

Roxana was cherishing the peace and quiet while she could. She knew that this whole interaction with Dracula was almost one-hundred-percent going to end up with her premature death. It wasn't hard to understand that hanging out with vampires and certain mortal peril basically went hand in hand. Not to mention the pesky fact about her being directly tied to a bloodline of women who had quite a lot to do with this ancient warlord and, spoiler alert, both of those women were killed...by him. So she intended to enjoy the calm before the storm.

Her phone went off next to her as she was boiling a pot of water for her own dinner and she saw an unknown number flash up at her.

"Hello?"

"Ah Miss von Hels, this is Keres Grimaldi. How I appreciate you taking the time as I am sure you must be terribly busy." The cold, feminine voice on the other line was not who Roxana had expected.

She blinked and then glanced around. The only plans she had this evening were drinking a bottle or two of wine, eating pasta, and watching some mind-numbing sitcoms. Yes, she was terribly busy. "Oh, no, not a problem at all. What can I do for you, Miss Grimaldi?"

"I would like to go over some of the details for this upcoming dinner." Keres' tone was icy and authoritative, leaving no room for nonsense or frivolous chatter. Roxana had a hard time imagining this woman throwing any sort of convivial party. "First, I believe you are aware of the delicate situation I am in, as head of the council, and the reason I chose your restaurant as the location once more is that I know that you will handle these delicacies with the same discretion you do with all of your soirees. Your clientele is famous and you appear to have the subtlety to maintain secrecy."

Roxana could not tell if this woman was being deliberately facetious or if she just always had the demeanor of a robotic bitch. Realizing very quickly that she wasn't about to get many words in, the chef put the phone on speaker and began to record the conversation so she could go back over it later to write the details down in her schedule. Work smarter, not harder. With a smile, she continued stirring the sauce as Keres plowed onward with her demands.

"The dinner will take place on the last Friday of the month, just two weeks before Mardi Gras. We shall be seating ten and you will provide meals for only five. It will be just you there and no other employees during the dinner, absolutely no exceptions."

"Okay, I'll have them leave before the clients arrive. You understand that includes my valet, right?"

"Yes, the transportation will be taken care of, therefore parking will not be an issue."

Strange, Roxana thought to herself while pouring the pasta into the strainer. "That works. Anything else? Dietary restrictions?"

As the words left her mouth, she winced and silence filled the room. It was a perfectly normal question under any other circumstance, but perhaps not this one.

"I noticed the other night that you seemed to be familiar with Mr. Balaur."

"I…um," She wasn't sure how she should answer the woman, "It was the first time I had met him, but I guess you could say we have mutual acquaintances."

"Miss von Hels, you are aware of his vampiric nature, are you not?" Well, Keres was certainly not tiptoeing around the subject.

"…Yes."

"Good, that's one less tedious explanation. I will provide the necessary dietary requirements, so you need not worry yourself over that. As for the mayor and his partners, you will want to contact them and decide on a menu that will suit their needs."

"Easy." She poured another glass of wine and took a long drink. "Anything else?"

The line was quiet for a moment and she had to check to make sure the call hadn't ended before Keres spoke up, "No, that will be all for now, Miss von Hels. Thank you for your time."

"Thank you for calling, Miss Grimaldi, I hope you have a great rest of your evening." Roxana really appreciated clients who were straight to the point, for it was often a headache to deal with indecisive people.

"One more thing," Keres' voice made her hand stop midway from pressing the end button, "Watch yourself around him. I've spent some time with Mr. Balaur in the last few years and I have never seen him look the way he did at you and this concerns me, not for your wellbeing of course, but for the future of our council. I will not have him go feral again, not under my watch, so if you know what is best for yourself, I would advise you to attempt to maintain a distance and use the utmost caution."

This caught Roxana off guard and her brows furrowed, "Then why are you having the dinner at Sanguine, if you are so concerned about this?"

Keres let out a laugh and it was anything but joyful. It lasted a beat too long for something that couldn't even be considered humorous and continued to send chills fluttering down Roxana's neck with a foreboding sense of danger.

"Oh, I know better by now than to try and take his toys away."

Taglist:

@festering-queen​ @vissidarte213​ @moony691​ @allis143​ @torntaltos​ @apocalypsenowish​

#Ooooooooouuuuueeeeee it’s starting to get exciting #dracula x ofc #dracula bbc #dracula fanfiction #through the darkness

[buckys-old-habits]

Code 231

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 3.2 k 

AU: Police AU!

Inspiration: Brooklyn 99 | Season 3, Ep. 10 

Warnings: Mention of guns, slight violence

“Do you have a present for Vision already?”, Wanda asks while stirring the dinner she decided to make.

Confused you look up from your laptop and frown, fingers hovering over the keys. “Why would I have a present for your boyfriend?”

The woman on the other side of the kitchen island stops the swinging of her hips and slowly turns around. It looks overly dramatic and you can't help but chuckle a bit at her movement.

“His birthday is tomorrow and he invited you to his party. Don't you think it's rude to show up without any present?”, she raises her eyebrow at you and your eyes go wide.

You forgot, you completely forgot.

“It is tomorrow?”

Wanda nods and taps her dark red nails on the stone counter of the kitchen island. Slowly her fingers creep to towards your laptop and you snap it shut protectively.

“The shops are open for”, she glances at the clock, “thirty more minutes. If you go now you can get something for him in time.”

You glare at her but grab your laptop and your books, stand up and walk to your room. Quickly you dress in something you can go out with and snatch your wallet, phone and keys.

“I'm going”, you yell back at Wanda in the kitchen and open the apartment door.

“No cologne. I got him some already”, she yells back and you roll your eyes. “And drive carefully. Love ya.”

“Love you too”, you close the door behind you and jog down the stairs to the garage and get into your car, driving to your favorite and nearest market. 

“No, no. Wait!”, you run full speed to the closing glass doors, the man shutting them watching you bored but not stopping. 

“I just need one present, I already know what to get. I will be in and out in like five minutes. Please!”, you beg, but he just shrugs and turns away, leaving you standing in front of the door. 

You bite your lip and look around, maybe they have a back entry? You know it’s illegal, but you are desperate and what are a few days in prison compared to the wrath of your best friend? Basically nothing, that is. 

Sneaking around the back of the building, you see the back door and pray to whoever is listening that the door is open. 

Pressing down the handle you cheer, when it clicks and you pull open the door, quickly walking inside and silently closing the door behind you again. 

The lights are already shut off and you sneak along the aisles to the section you think the perfect gift for Vision will be. You will just leave a note and some money on the counter, so they know that you paid. 

Arriving at the aisle you knew the gift would be, you startle when a muffled voice shouts something near the front of the shop. You press yourself to the shelf and listen to the voices, fearfully realizing that they are coming closer. 

The shop is closed, why are there so many people all of the sudden? 

“Keep walking!”

You glance around the shelf and cover your mouth when you see the masked man dragging along the man that shut you out.

You scold the little voice inside you that tells you that it serves him right for locking you out. 

That’s not an inspection or something like that, it’s a robbery. And you are in the middle of it all.

“Vision owes me something after this”, you mumble when you duck behind another aisle, escaping the sight of another masked man who is spraying the cameras. 

Maybe they didn’t get to the exits yet? 

You sneak past the guy and to the door you came in, but another robber is locking it. 

“Great…”

Slowly backing off, eyes on the man, you don’t notice the other person behind you and nearly scream when a hand clamps on your mouth. An arm is wrapped around your waist and pulls you back between the aisles. 

“Sh, sh. I’m not gonna hurt you, just stay quiet”, a rough voice whispers in your ear and you feel the breath of the man fan over your skin. 

You nod slowly and the grip on your mouth loosens, making you take a breath and look behind you at your captor.

The man grins cheekily at you and you frown, mustering his face. He has blue eyes, sharp cheekbones, and short, fluffy hair. He is handsome, you have to admit. 

“Name’s Bucky. And I hope that you aren’t a robber, it would be a shame”, he chuckles softly and you raise an eyebrow at him. 

“What?”

“Ah… sorry”, he lets go of your waist and takes a step back, still smiling. “I was just stating that I’m not one of them and I hoped that you were also just an innocent bystander.”

“I.. I am”, you answer and he nods.

“Good”, he whips out his phone and touches the screen a few times before holding it to his ear, winking at you. 

What the hell is wrong with this guy? He is in a hostage situation with armed robbers and he is… flirting with you? 

“Hey, Stevie”, he says when the other person picked up. “I’m kinda in a situation? And I need the squad.”

He sighs and listens to the voice on the phone. 

“No, I didn’t do that again, I told you that I learned my lesson. Look, I’m in a hostage situation, the robbers are armed and I have a civilian with me. So if you could please get the squad to the mall, that would be great.”

A moment of silence. 

“No, I don’t have my gun. Yes, I will be careful and make the civilian a priority. Steve, I’m not in the academy anymore, I know what to do. Bye.”

Bucky hangs up and smiles apologetically at you.

“Sorry about that.”

“You are a cop?”, you frown, confused that a man of the law would be in this store with you. You broke in, but what is his excuse. 

“Yeah, I am. Detective Barnes, my pleasure”, he chuckles and outstretches his hand, which you take and shake while stating your name. 

“Now that we are past the pleasantries, let us see what those guys want here. You stay here and hide.”

“What?”, you hiss at him and he raises his eyebrow at that. “I’m not staying here alone. What if they find me?”

Bucky tilts his head to the side and sigh, taking your hand and nodding. 

“Alright. You seem like a hard-headed person. I’m scared you will sneak after me if I let you stay here.”

The warmth of his hand seeps into your skin and you grin, knowing that he is right. You would have snuck after him. 

“Okay, I counted four guys when I looked around before. They seemed to get in from the front door and just hung around until the shop closed”, Bucky explains in a whisper while he guides you around the aisles, hand still in yours. 

Looking around the corner, you spot of the four men. Bucky gently pulls you back behind the shelf. 

“What now?”, you whisper and he frowns softly. 

“You have to stay here, doll. I can’t put you into danger, you are a civilian.”

“What? No. You can’t leave me here. What if I get caught?”

Bucky groans softly and looks around, before pulling you into a corner with cereal boxes around you. 

“Please. I can’t work like that. You were never meant to get into here. Be a doll and stay here, please.”

Bucky’s lower lip pushes forward and his eyes grow bigger, making him look like a toddler. 

“Are you sure you are a cop?”, you ask and Bucky’s pout drops immediately, replaced by a feigned hurt look. 

“I am. But I’m off duty.”

“There is a hostage situation”, you hiss back and he winces, scratching the back of his neck. 

“Okay, for real now”, Bucky straightens up and his face gets serious. “You stay here, make yourself small and wait until my squad rolls in. I will go and see what they want here.”

“But…”

“No, stay here. That’s an order from an officer of the law”, Bucky points to the corner and you want to argue, saying that he treats you like a kid, but that would probably prove his point. 

“Fine”, you huff and cower down beside the Cinnamon Crunch and the Fruit Loops. “Just.. be careful.”

Bucky grins and his serious demeanor drops for a moment. 

“Will be, just stay here and I will be back in a second.”

In a hurry, he is around the corner and you sit down, listening for the men in the store. 

Your heart is suddenly beating faster, Bucky’s presence somehow kept you calm and his weird attitude shifted your attention from the hostage situation. 

Now that he is gone, you feel the situation settle on your shoulders again, the pressure and fear of getting caught and something terrible happen. 

A few minutes pass and you shift in your crouching position, your feet slowly falling asleep. You wonder where Bucky is, the squad doesn’t seem to be here yet. 

“I can’t do this… I’m going insane”, you grumble and slowly look around the corner, listening for the criminals. 

They were silent for a while now and you slowly creep around the shelf and search for the tool and hygiene section. 

Thank Wanda for having a weird survival phase. She watched every Bear Grylls episode and showed you a lot of these DIY survival kits.  

In one they showed a makeshift flamethrower. Just take some hair spray and a lighter and tadaa… you got yourself a flamethrower. 

That’s what you sneak around for and collect them, quietly putting them into your purse, promising that you would pay for them later. 

While you were getting the things, you noticed that the men moved from the buying hall to the back rooms. 

Taking a deep breath you walk over, lighter and hairspray in hand and ready to fire, literally. 

The closer you get to the office of the supermarket, the clearer you can hear the voices. 

One is familiar and you groan inwardly when you notice that it’s Bucky. 

“If my squad rolls in, you are going down”, Bucky taunts and you roll your eyes, how is he supposed to be a detective? 

“So you are alone? Makes it easier to silence you”, a deeper voice says and you hear the click of the safety from a gun.

“Hey, hey. Let’s take it slow for a moment. Yes, I’m alone, but I still have my cobblestone abs with me.”

You can’t listen to that anymore and step forward, meeting eyes with the two men standing at the door to guard it. 

“Back off or I will burn your face off”, you hiss at them and to demonstrate the truth, you press the hairspray and a darting flame appears, lightening up your face. 

Both men seem unsure, but walk backward slowly when you press it again. 

You ignore your heart jumping in your chest and you finally look at Bucky, who is confused and worried at the same time. 

“What…”, he clenches his jaw and you see the shift in his eyes, from playful to serious. Now he has you in the line of fire again. 

“Oh, a visitor”, the tall man says tauntingly and you swallow, holding your weapon up and on the ready. 

“I told you to stay”, Bucky says and tries to get closer to you, but the men behind him step forward, making him stop and raise his hands. 

“Chill. I’m not gonna do anything.”

“I have a weapon and I’m not afraid to use it”, you straighten up and hope that the bad guy won’t see your hands shaking. 

“That’s cute. I have one too”, he answers and holds up his gun, stealing the breath from you. It really looks more threatening than your little DIY flamethrower. 

Bucky looks from you to the guy and his jaw clenches. He has to get you out, no matter what. Enough with the games, now it’s serious. 

“Hey, what do you even want here?”

The bad guy turns back to him and Bucky feels a sense of relief, the gun no longer trained on you. 

“Why should I tell you?”, he grunts and Bucky looks around, seeing the equipment they brought with them. 

“There is a bank through that wall. Judging from the drill and shovels, I guess you want to rob that. Nobody would notice that the supermarket is closed because it’s too late. It’s clever, I have to admit.”

You look to the wall, only now noticing that they started to dig there. So Bucky was smart after all…

“Congratulation. You figured it out. Too bad that I have to silence you now”, the bad guy says and holds up his gun, clear line at Bucky’s chest. 

You can’t watch this, not today and not ever. Feeling a rush of adrenaline, you step closer and press the hairspray and the lighter, a flame bursting out and you close your eyes. 

Your face grows warm from the fire and you hear some commotion behind you, shouts and footsteps. 

Then you feel arms around your waist and you scream, thrashing around, trying to get loose again. 

“Hey, hey. Doll, calm down. It’s me”, Bucky whispers in your ear and pries your weapon from your hand, the hairspray can clatters to the floor. 

“Shhh, it’s over. My squad got it under control.”

You snap your eyes open and Bucky wraps his arm around you, safely tugging you into his chest and shushing you gently. 

Only now you realize that you started crying, tears streaming down your cheeks and your hands are trembling. Bucky catches them in one of his and presses a kiss to your fingers. 

“Hey, look at me, doll”, you slowly look up and see the soft smile on his face, the reassurance that you are okay, that it’s over. 

“Bucky”, a voice says behind you and you glance at the blonde man coming closer, his blue eyes flickering between you and Bucky.

“Stevie, you took your time”, the brunet answers and Steve scoffs. 

“I had a family dinner. Peggy will rip me a new one. And she wants to have a word with you too.”

Bucky winces and you look up at him again, his expression deflating slowly. So he already knows what’s coming for him. 

“Hello, I guess you are the civilian that got caught up in this all”, Steve says to you and you nod, swallowing hard. 

He probably wants to know why you were still here and how you got in. So you will get in trouble and…

“We need a medic”, Bucky interrupts your thoughts and Steve’s further questioning. He takes your hand and holds it up, showing off the burn wounds where the flame got to close to the skin. 

“Oh”, you breathe softly and look at the angry red skin. You didn’t even notice. 

“An ambulance is waiting outside. Let’s get you out of here. Enough adventure for today”, Steve says and Bucky leads you out, arm around your waist. 

“Dodged a bullet there, doll. Steve can be persistent if he wants to”, Bucky says lowly, so only you can hear while walking out the building. 

“He seems nice”, you say back and Bucky laughs a melodic and deep sound. 

Smiling, he shakes his head and wipes away fake tears. 

“You are funny, doll. He can be so strict and annoying. Always tries to play Captain.”

“Because he is, dumbass”, a red-headed woman says from the side and Bucky rolls his eyes. 

“Hey, Nat. Love you too”, he calls back and quickly guides you to the ambulance that is waiting. 

A few questions and bandages later, you are sitting beside Bucky on the bag of the ambulance, shock blanket on your shoulder and a water bottle in your hand. 

“You feeling better?”, Bucky asks carefully, his fingers playing with the cap of his own bottle. 

“Apart from being tired now and still having no present for my friend’s boyfriend, yeah.”

“So that’s what you wanted in there. You snuck inside because you needed a present?”, Bucky smirks and takes a sip of water, nearly choking when you punch him in the arm. 

“Yes, I was on time, but they closed the door on me. My friend will be really mad”, you sigh and then blink up at him, chuckling at the way Bucky looks down on himself, seeing if he spilled something.

“What were you doing in there? After closing?”

Bucky tilts his head to the side and you see the blush forming on his cheeks, making him look like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. 

“I wanted some snacks”, he answers sheepishly.

“What?”, you start to laugh, making Bucky pout again and he nudges your shoulder. 

“Don’t laugh”, he whines and you laugh harder. 

“Why”, you giggle and try to calm yourself down. “Why didn’t you go to the next gas station?”

“Because they don’t have the snack I wanted.”

“Oh my gosh… You are an idiot.”

“Now that is mean”, Bucky calls out and pokes your cheek, making you giggle and swat his hand. 

“I’m sorry, did I offend you, Mister ‘Cobblestone abs’.”

Bucky stares at you, his cheeks growing red and he groans, shaking his head.

“You heard that?”

You nod and drink your water, side-eyeing the embarrassed man beside you. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t say anything about your eyes like diamonds and your jaw as sharp as steel.”

Bucky chokes on his water and you smirk at him, watching him pound his chest to stop his coughing.

“What?”, he asks with a raspy voice and you shrug. 

“It would have fitted your style.”

Bucky watches you and shakes his head, not believing that you can be so cocky again, after everything you just witnessed. Then he stops and tilts his head, nudging your shoulder. 

You hum and look at him again, having watched the people around you. 

“Does that mean that you think I’m pretty. You know, eyes like diamonds and such”, he grins widely and this time you feel your cheeks heat up. 

Did you mean that? He isn’t bad looking, like at all. He is buff and his eyes are beautiful. His features are nearly god-like. 

Shrugging seems to be the only thing you can do and Bucky grins, quickly fishing for his phone in his pocket and holding it out for you. 

You are confused and it seems to show on your face because Bucky chuckles. 

“I wanted to get to know you better over a second date. Maybe something not as dramatic as this.”

“Second date?”, you frown, but still take his phone, typing in your number and calling yourself with his phone. 

“I mean, we just spend an hour high on adrenaline and I feel that we bonded. So yes, a second date it would be.”

“You are weird”, you hand him back his phone and Bucky just smiles, taking your hand and kissing your burned and wrapped up fingers. 

“I know. And I have a feeling that you aren’t that much different.”

“Maybe, Mister ‘Cobblestone abs’.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #police au #reader insert #franca writes

[darkpoisonouslove]

“You Can Be Free Handcuffed to Love”

Summary: It's been a week since they came back from their honeymoon and Valtor went back to work. Griffin is missing him and missing the opportunity to get him back for what he did to her when they were off their duties and devoted to each other so she decides to combine the two with one perfect solution that, unfortunately, unlocks unexpected consequences. Part 9 of “Sparks of Life”. Not sfw.

This derailed a bit towards the end when some (a lot of ) angst decided to sneak in. Sorry for that and, hopefully, enjoy the smut parts! ;)

Griffin barely waited for Valtor to get under the sheets before pressing herself into him and draping a leg over his to let him convince himself of how naked she was. The penthouse was naturally warm at this time of the year and it was finally the end of the week which meant she had him all to herself when he didn’t need to be anywhere the next morning. Of course they still had the wedding celebration the next day but it was in the evening and her mom had offered to help her with the cooking so they had plenty of time to get all the sleep they would delay now.

Valtor hummed. “I suppose you’re not just looking to cuddle?” he asked as he wrapped an arm around her, making sure to pull her even closer if that was even possible and she appreciated the effort to help her soak up the warmth of his skin, and tangled a hand in her hair. He ran his fingers through it lazily, his intentions not at all innocent as he did his best to let her feel every little movement.

She let out a few small moans as she took her time to enjoy the tugs his fingers gave as they threaded through the purple strands, knowing that it would affect him as much as his actions were affecting her. Perhaps even more with the knowledge of how easy it was to get her going. She just had to be careful not to let herself get too lost in it. He knew too well how much she loved it–as she’d proven every time he’d pull on her hair in the many years they’d been together and on their honeymoon, too, in case he’d forgotten it during the one night they’d spent apart before that–and while there was nothing inherently wrong with how quickly she’d be gone to the touch, she needed to stay focused right now.

“Of course I am,” Griffin said, adjusting her head on his shoulder and sighing in delight. There was no pretense there, she was thrilled to get to feel the softness of his skin under her cheek rather than the fabric of the sheets that would pass for sandpaper compared to it.

He’d worn his pajamas the previous nights–not because he didn’t trust her not to touch when she knew he had to get up early in the morning but because he was doing his best to resist the temptation of her body on his for that same reason–and she hadn’t gotten to feel it, much to her chagrin. She’d gotten so used to having immediate access to every inch of his body on their honeymoon as they’d barely gotten to put clothes on for the entirety of the two weeks they’d spent in Greece and she’d always been wrapped around him like poison ivy, infecting them both with passion and the inability to keep away from each other. It had been so jarring to come back to the penthouse and have work get between them quite so literally.

“Mhm,” Valtor drawled out, his hand moving over her back, rubbing her skin while simultaneously pulling on her hair, too, and she knew she would lose it if he kept that up. It felt too good, a very pleasant and conquering tingling sensation running from her scalp down her spine and spreading through her body like a fire in the woods swallowing everything in the need to feel more, all of him. “That’s why your hand is trailing lower and lower,” he brought his lips to her ear, his breath tickling it just like his words did with her mind and, hopefully, like her hand was doing to him.

She’d passed his ribs now, letting her fingers trail over his abs. Soft, teasing touches that she had to struggle not to make firmer as she was torn between the sensations she could make him feel and feeling him. The slight tensing of his muscles under her feather-light caresses was tempting enough to have her wishing to press her palms against them and eat up the deliciousness of the contact but that would lessen the intensity of the anticipation she’d set out to fill him with so she settled for denying them both for now. She’d have all the time and opportunities to touch as much as she wanted later. She could focus on mindfuck now. Or at least as much of that as she could manage under the thumb of her eagerness.

“I need to get rid of your underwear,” she said, letting her lips move over his neck in the rhythm of the words and write them over his skin so that they could sink deep inside him and have him melt in the desire to feel it happen. “It’s in my way,” she said, letting her voice drop lower just like her hand was doing to have him strain to hear it like he was straining to keep still and not press himself into the touch. He wasn’t quite ready to admit defeat but she would get him to submit to her will.

“Oh?” Valtor made a surprised sound, making her shove at him with her whole body to punish him for the mockery and she was glad to feel the hand in her hair moving to her waist to keep her from pushing herself into him like that again–he wouldn’t be able to handle it, all that heat coming in contact, and they both knew it–and the other grabbing at her thigh to keep her close at the same time. “It’s stopping you from cuddling me?” he asked innocently as if his mind wasn’t racing with hers and trying to figure out what she was planning and his erection wasn’t already hardening under her leg.

Griffin propped herself up for more effect, knowing he was budging under his eagerness to see where this was going as he let go of her to allow the movement. “It’s stopping me from taking you in,” she said, her lips almost on his as she held his gaze and watched him trying to hide the question rising in his mind like his breath was rushing out in short, quick puffs and caressing her skin.

She smirked, doing her best to keep it from becoming a full-on grin, and pressed her lips right where his ended, moving downwards quickly until she was out of the zone where his mind would make him reach for her and pull her back into a kiss and set a leisurely pace as she kissed her way down his body. She left a trail of the softness of her lips and breath over his flesh, making detours when he least expected it to cover more of him in her affection and keep him guessing, occasionally allowing herself to bite and mark him with her passion while also working towards that goal.

It had him moving under her–especially when she pressed hard into him causing friction between her body and his erection–slightly while he only allowed himself to run his hands over her sides or keep them in her hair, more like he was trying to hold on rather than to disrupt her work. She wasn’t sure it was in an attempt to stay put courtesy of his pride or because he didn’t want to disturb her process and push her away but by the time she was done with him, he’d surrender to her ministrations and allow himself to fall into her intentions fully, no pride or fear acting as inhibitions in his mind. She wanted to give him so much. And she would. Hearing his breath hitching because there was just so much tenderness spilling into him washed over her own heart with happiness and made her more eager.

She made it to the waistband of his underwear, feeling a slight spasm run through his muscles when she grazed the skin there with her teeth as if she was trying to bite the fabric and pull it down without using her hands. She could and she would but it would take longer than she currently had the patience for. Especially when she was under the attack of the desire in his eyes, how he drank in every one of her movements like she was the most beautiful magic. It touched both her heart and soul with the devotion she knew was living in his and she wanted to touch all of him, shower him in her love and all the tenderness she could give.

She pulled away, leading him to think she’d run her lips over his length but not doing it to see him relax back against the mattress under the slight dejection that entered him at the uncertainty of her intentions. She’d let him have everything of her he wanted if he just behaved but he didn’t need to know that just yet. He liked to keep her in suspense when she left herself in his hands and she intended to return the favor. It drove her insane and she wanted him right there, on the cusp of madness before she pulled him back into herself.

Griffin hooked her fingers under the waistband of his underwear and pulled it down, appreciating his willingness as he lifted his hips off the bed to let her free him of the last piece of fabric coming between them. He was hers now and she’d take full advantage of that fact, make them both forget they’d had to keep their hands to themselves when all they’d wanted had been to hold each other close and sink together in the knowledge they had each other forever, that they would never be alone and cold again, and they could count on the other to keep them safe, holding their heart carefully.

Griffin slid back up his body lured by the memories of his kisses, how his breath filled her lungs and his arms kept her close, her heart racing in her chest thrilled that she felt safe in his embrace and didn’t feel the need to pull away. She used the opportunity to provide stimulation for his length, of course, and hearing him let out a soft moan had her latching her mouth on his to swallow it and let it fill her with the knowledge she was pleasing him. She could bring him pleasure and give him love and that meant the world to her when she knew what he’d been through.

She reached under her pillow, taking awareness of where on her his hands were so that she could calculate how best to get them where she wanted them, and let her fingers find what she needed.

A quick and precise movement and his left hand was cuffed.

Valtor broke the kiss, a gasp of shock coming from him when she pulled his hand away from the back of her thigh where he’d rested it. She felt the struggle beginning in his muscles, quickly accounting for it and making a change in her plan, snapping the other cuff around the pole of the headboard and making sure it was tight enough so that he wouldn’t be able to slip it loose.

She would’ve had him handcuffed to the special hook he himself had put on the back of the headboard–the thought of letting anyone else into their bedroom and their private business was not any less repulsive now than it had been back then–but he’d had to derail her plan with how quickly he’d reacted. She could always get one of the leather cuffs to immobilize him as securely as she’d wanted, though, but it was important that she had him handcuffed. He was stronger than her and would’ve overpowered her if she’d tried to proceed with her original plan. Instead she would’ve probably found herself cuffed to the bed.

Her progress was halted when Valtor’s fingers slid between hers, the wedding band pressing firmly into her skin as he tightened his grip on her hand. He caught the other one too, entangling their fingers again to make it harder for her to pull away, and it had her lying on top of him, just barely able to lift herself up to look in his eyes.

“Care to explain what you’re doing?” Valtor asked, his tone calm but there was fire below the surface. She’d challenged him without letting him prepare for it first and his ego was burning with the need to take back the reins. Even when they both knew he was tired from the day–and the previous four–and it would be best for him to leave himself in her hands. She’d take care of him and make everything else melt away, even his incessant need to be the one holding the power. But they had to get far enough past it first for her to be able to work.

“I’m returning the favor for the leather cuffs on our honeymoon,” Griffin said, her voice steady and soothing now that it wasn’t her who was bound to the bed.

He’d had her restrained and had touched every inch of her with his hands and body, driving her insane without even once giving purposeful stimulation. His goal had been to caress all of her and let her know how much he cherished her. She’d almost cried at how much it had been. And then he’d filled her, and every fear and insecurity of not being wanted or accepted had drowned in the insistent flow of his love, the memories burning warm in her head and all over her body where he’d let his feelings sink inside her.

“You should’ve warned me,” Valtor said, no traces of worry in his voice since he’d learned to trust he could be vulnerable in her arms and she would protect him. There was still resistance, though, as he couldn’t part with his pride, bringing it between them which was quite the commendable accomplishment considering how close they were currently.

“Are you protesting?” Griffin asked when he didn’t let go of her hands at her bid for freedom, bringing playfulness in her voice to brighten up the mood and remind him they were talking about sex. There was no need for pride there. There was no need or place for anything other than their love. Even when they enjoyed the power play, it was only because there was trust and they knew they’d be taken care of even if they lost. Which was why they didn’t protest and surrendered when they were bested.

“Well, I was having different plans,” Valtor said, the smugness creeping in, bringing a reassuring shift of the atmosphere. She’d reached through to him. Now it was just a game they would play. “I would’ve loved to fuck your mouth,” Valtor admitted softly, the words leaving his mouth slowly as if he wanted to savor them some more before he let them move into her system, and his eyes looking at her as if he could see inside her how the muscles in her lower belly clenched at the thought as he put it in her head.

“I would’ve let you but you made me change the plan.” She still hadn’t decided how much of the original one to keep. She felt the arousal dripping from her at the thought of taking him in her mouth and marveled at the feeling.

If someone had told her she would be so eager to do that before she’d met him, she would’ve been scandalized. It’d never been something she’d done with enthusiasm but hearing him groan her name like that when he came all enveloped in the softness of her mouth had her gasping for breath all on its own. And the praises she got while on her knees for him, the uncontrollable movements of his hips that made her choke sometimes only had her infatuation with sucking him off growing. There was so much power he allowed her there and that she did her best to use in his interest, hungry to see the pleasure she could get him to lose himself in. It easily had her kneeling for him more often than not.

“It’s not the same that way,” Valtor objected calmly but with enough fire to convince her. It was different when he was in control. It was somewhat rougher and it always left her glad she wasn’t standing because her knees would’ve been buckling from the control she allowed him, the trust she’d never given anyone else. And that was when he didn’t have his fingers between her legs, his teases about how drenched she was in her ears and making her even more aroused.

“I get wet either way.” Griffin grinned at him as she moved, adjusting herself over his erection so that he could feel for himself just what effect the mere fantasizing about it had. She bit her lip as his gaze lost focus for a moment but the thought of having him do that was getting her sidetracked so she concentrated. “You would’ve just gotten to feel it differently.” She would’ve had him eat her out when she was done with him, given him time to get hard again while he pleasured her, her moans the best aphrodisiac for him as they’d established way back in their relationship. And she could relate, the sounds he made for her seductive enough to nearly bring her to the edge on their own.

“I can please you better when I’m free to work, Griffin,” Valtor squeezed her hands as if to remind her what he could do with those fingers–as if she could forget when she still flushed every time she got into the elevator at the company after he’d fingered her during the ride once, leaving her so desperate and wanting that she’d straddled him in the car and they’d done it there even though he wasn’t a fan of the idea–and to bring her attention on the handcuffs and, more specifically, removing them. She had other plans, though.

“I am pleased with what I have currently,” she said, finding the right angle and beginning to grind against his erection, a moan almost instantly escaping her lips at how good it felt to have him again, even when she had to get her stimulation that way.

Now that she didn’t have work during the day, she’d found herself quite lonely in the penthouse, fantasizing about his touch and wishing he’d be there instead of having to do things by herself. And the memories of the honeymoon hadn’t helped, leaving her whining to the empty apartment her need to feel him close to her again, tangled in her all the time like he’d been those two weeks. Maybe it was because she’d never believed she’d be married and it was a dream come true to call him husband but she wanted him with her constantly.

Valtor tried to respond to her actions but she arched her hips into his to keep him grounded against the mattress and not let him move. She was in control now and he’d have to accept it sooner or later.

“Don’t you want me inside you, Griffin?” Valtor asked, a slight strain in his voice that, considering the situation and his words, she’d say was due to frustration. He wanted more and she’d give it. Not currently, though. She couldn’t give him much when he was restricting her options.

“The night’s still young. There’s plenty of time,” she said, trying to suppress the grin that wanted to break out on her face at the sight of his pout that was one of the most adorable things she’d ever seen when she knew it was only half-real. He obviously wasn’t exactly thrilled to have the words he used against her when he had her meticulously driven into despair thrown in his face. And probably for that reason exactly as it meant he wouldn’t get what he wanted immediately. She could understand his frustration and impatience but they both knew the delayed gratification was worth it.

“Why do you insist on depriving us both of pleasure, Griff-” his sentence derailed somewhere in the depths of a moan she wrung out of him just in time to keep him from telling a lie.

“It’s you who is doing that,” she said, not in an attempt to blame him but to let him see she was right. She let out a moan of her own to convince him further that they were both enjoying themselves and also to push him far enough into his arousal that he wouldn’t care about anything but release. Release that only she could give him as she was controlling the pace and he was cuffed at the very end of the bed so he didn’t have enough space to flip them over on the side in which direction he could actually perform that action. It was a happy accident from having her plan derailed but she’d gladly take it.

“You know-”

“You know, if I were you, I’d stop fighting against the one who has power over you currently,” she said, switching to attack because she was getting tired of his resistance. Especially since she’d thought she’d gotten past his mind blockage.

He got like that sometimes, trust failing him and he started pushing at her. She didn’t know if it was an attempt at self-sabotaging or if some unhealthy past coping mechanism was reactivated–or perhaps if one didn’t lead to the other–but she did know that she could help him out of it. She just had to be firm and not back down no matter how much she was afraid she might be filling the lack of cruelty that his upbringing had left him used to. It was the best she could do for him when he wouldn’t seek out a specialist to help him deal with his trauma.

“You can’t even get me inside of you while I’m holding you,” Valtor objected, a hint of a growl in his voice as if something inside him was protesting against his own argument. Which would mean that not all of his common sense had surrendered to whatever was tormenting him currently.

“True,” she admitted, “but I still control what happens,” she said, speeding up for a moment to feel his breath hitch. Perfect. “I don’t have to hump your erection,” she said as she stopped, drawing a whimper of protest from him that tugged too harshly on her heartstrings when she felt it in her whole body, too. But she needed him to stop trying to fight her. “I can get myself off on your hip too,” she shifted just barely, only to illustrate her point. “It’s your pleasure that’s at stake here,” she said, torn between making it as serious as she could and doing the exact opposite. It was a tough ultimatum to throw at Valtor and she didn’t want to push him further into going against her when her aim had been to have him melting in her arms, and her mouth, too. And they’d turned it into a verbal and emotional war.

“You’re hellbent on denying me, huh?” The pain that flashed in his eyes was like a lightning tearing through her mind with the realization it brought. Of course. He was scared of having pleasure withheld from him. They’d grown so accustomed to giving each other orgasms whenever they pleased when they’d been on the honeymoon that the sharp transition back to their reality where his work got between them more often than not had left him feeling deprived just like it’d done to her. So what was usually a way to build intensity and pay attention to every inch of him had turned from sweet torture into an actual such.

“No,” Griffin was quick to reassure, squeezing both his hands since she couldn’t cup his face while he still held her, though that might have been better as it made her aware of both wedding bands on their fingers and she knew he’d felt their presence, too. “Quite the opposite,” she whispered as she pressed her nose against his, hoping the tenderness of the contact would manage to seep into his mind and have his doubts crumble. “I want to give you all that you can take, everything.”

She felt her eyes filling with tears at the thought that he didn’t believe that but she forced herself to pull herself together. That had nothing to do with her and everything to do with the way he’d grown up, never having enough security to manage to open his hands when he held something he wanted but knew would have taken away from him if he didn’t hold tight enough, and even if he did. She’d known that when she’d decided to stay with him, when she’d married him and it was her job as his wife to help him through those episodes. She couldn’t only take the good and scowl at the bad when she’d promised to be with him through all of it. She wanted to be, wanted to be his strength when he thought he didn’t have any, and it had her clutching at him tightly only to feel his grip on her loosen and his fingers open.

Griffin looked at him to find him looking back, his eyes shining with happiness from the trust he’d found in her grasp.

“I love you, Griffin,” Valtor said as he cupped her cheeks and she couldn’t even find the breath or the time to return the sentiment in her haste to kiss him now that he’d found his way back to her through the maze in his mind that she still knew nothing about and had let her in.

She opened her lips and let the relief his breath brought in her lungs flow through her body, through her being. They’d gotten through it. She’d almost regretted bringing in the handcuffs for a moment before she’d remembered that that wasn’t the problem. It had only been the trigger and anything could have filled that role. If anything, the experience had helped strengthen their relationship more when they’d gotten together through it and reminded her that they could have the fairytale even when there were nightmares interrupting it. They could write themselves right back into the pages of magic.

She covered Valtor’s hand with hers and grasped at it, not even missing the feeling of his wedding band that was on the handcuffed hand when she knew they were bound together by love. She had her other hand guiding his erection to her entrance and slipping it inside her slowly, her eyes closing as she reveled in the feeling of fullness and the tensing of her muscles in anticipation of the pleasure to overcome them.

She broke the kiss to give a long and loud moan that rumbled all the way in her throat before falling out of her mouth and into his. She set a leisurely pace, the plan being to let them both feel the contact of their bodies and every movement as they simmered in pleasure while dragging each other towards the edge slowly. They had all the time in the world to enjoy each other’s company now that it was just the two of them with nothing to get between them when they were so closely wrapped in each other.

#winx club #winx griffin #winx valtor #griffin x valtor #covenshipping #fanfiction #my fanfiction #my writing #smut #sparks of life

[w34rdk1dc0r3]

Why Killed Markiplier EXPLAINED (notes)

Hi these are my notes- they’re very sparatic and hard to understand but I figured y’all might want them. They were made while watching Markiplier’s latest stream—the time stamps are for DAMIEN and when Mark paused to explain. I don’t have the time stamps for where he explained everything though!! Sorry!

TLDR; this is me frantically taking notes on whatever Mark said related to DAMIEN. :)) these are unedited, so take the spelling errors and stuff with a grain of salt.

WKM notes:

-0:57 (Go Back to Sleep reference) “oh these are parallels - yeah you’re right these are parallels”. Opening shot of Damien from 0:04 of GBTS. Go back to sleep = wanted to make Damien. “This is the mood I want”. DIRECT PARALLEL.

-Opening, establishing, environment. THIS IS JUST HOW FAR DAMIEN WENT EVERY DAY; HE HAD TO GO THIS FAR JUST TO GET WOOD. VERY LONG WALK.

-1:05 Celine is an observer, waiting for him to come back.

-2:11 Wanted to flesh our Celine as a character. Celine = Unknown. “I am not a perfect writer, I’m not a great writer; I’m better than I was.” Celine introduced as not a perf character: motivations UNKNOWN/never determined. “Don’t trust the seer” =\= don’t know what she does/represents. Damien brother/sister canon; had something to care for. THERE TO PROTECT HER BROTHER!!!!! Damien has simple job.

-3:22 “mostly like- I wanted to write dialogue to establish relationship” Celine = overprotective controlling older sibling. Nice dynamic/friendly/showcase flower is not normal. THINGS ARE LOOPING; Celine stops “did u really see a flower?”; strange. SQUISHED. “Starting to sound like mom”

-3:30ish Damien SUDDENLY GETS TIRED. On a LOOP. Winter will be over soon. Trees covering hills = every day he goes to cut a tree. Endless trees. Living SAME EXACT DAY. Celine goes out at night to do business/job. NUMBER OF TREES NOT THE POINT. PURGATORY. FLOWER = FIRST CHBGE.

-4:40 flower: PINK!!!!! dialogue EXACT LINES from WMLWS. Winter -> spring, leaving purgatory. Flower = warfstache peeling back layers covering up world/crack code of matrix/starting to spread out. Flower just a result of warfstache coming to terms with what’s happening and where it’s going. Time is wishy washy. Time has no start or finish of it. Exists = always existed. Everything unified space, someone breaking rules over HERE spills out and effects others in that place. Rules change = rules change for everyone. Dialogue saying that THIS is a RESULT of warfstache, not!!! a conscious choice.

-5:21 pattern!!!!! established

-6:52 something is definitely changing and Celine is worried. Celine goes out to HUNT FOR ACTOR!MARK, NOT TO GUARD. GONNA KILL ACTOR!MARK. Go back to sleep/wake up: duality of two characters having to share a body. Celine made THIS place for broken things(Damien!!). Celine made mistakes in WKM; misjudged actor capabilities. Celine always tries to protect Damien!!!’ she would do LITERALLY ANYTHING to protect Damien. “YOU NEED SLEEP”-damien can stay “alive” only because he sleeps. Not getting enough sleep= you absolutely need to sleep while Celine is out bc you can only be yourself if that is so.

-7:45 bc warfstache is unintentionally breaking universe they’re in, actor!mark can take advantage of it. NOT deception. This day is important because change started NOW—everything before was looping. Damien cutting wood/useless task = Celine’s stuff in an endless loop too (finding mark). SOME control, not IN control. No one is IN CONTROL. Matter of them both being in purgatory until warfstache comes to term with his place in the world.

-8:32 can see shadow of figure in ice.

-9:33Damien’s led to believe Celine is in the water lol. Door of cabin locked from outside. (Flower)= no meaning. “Everything is very plain. With this, it is similar. Everything is very plain.” Too focuses on the details. Winter = seems like purgatory.

-10:02 voices - wanted something to fill the spaces of everything. Auditoría Kay engaging. Hearing things behind the scenes. “Why are you hearing voices?” Not abt what the voices are saying.

-10:13 Actor!Mark; very hard to voice 2 diff characters and have them sound remotely different.

-11:01 Wilford/A!Mark same line. Convey two different people who both (at this time of story) were saying apologies. TWO confrontations happen = similar (detective warfstache/Damien Mark). Similar convos, different people. Things happen in different ways because who they are. Will actually says an apology, actor mark NEVER apologizes.

-12:07 very first conversation we have with the actor. ONLY SAID ONE LINE “welcome welcome one and all, etc.” If something is not ON THE SCREEN or implied in some way, it isn’t 100% proven. Going through summary is PROOF of his crime. “Plans weren’t exactly properly executed”. What he wanted only happened 50%

-13:01 “Celine needed to have motivation to have a character/drive”. Can’t just say actor wanted revenge without painting the kind of person he is. He can’t imagine other people not loving that; thinks he’s doing Damien a favor. HES A NARCISSIST. “Nobody is fully evil or fully good”. Reason he thinks he’s the hero is bc if his perspective, he IS; everyone else is the villain/did him wrong.

-13:43 “oh yeah Wilford STOLE Celine from me lol” STUPID AND NARCISSISM WACK. His career tanked after she left. “It’s her fault bc he lost everything”. “I’m gracious because I decided to move on”.

-14:28 Damien starting to remember but doesn’t understand everything; big dummy softy. Doesn’t realize he’s KINDA dead. Rotten corpse = his reflection.

-14:59 actor wants MORE characters in his story; he wants a villain. Confusion of what you’re supposed to do- represents Damien’s confliction “when do I have a CHOICE??”

-15:30 for so long Wilford/actor have been “If Celine even saw me she would rip my heart out”; “Celine is a FUCKISBNG badass.”

-16:18 Damien just wants to make a choice “life is ours to CHOOSE”. Fire going out = Damien feels dead. Cold, dead.

-17:07 music=wanted to carry on emotional connection. Celine: “I’m tired” she has never slept; watching, hunting, NOT RESTING. Celine is a creature of willpower that she powers through it. Damien: “Am I dead?” Celine: “NO!!” Not on my watch; wall cracking-> sanctuary crumbling. “...no” :(( “I’m so tired”. Celine both starts to admit defeat, but then she picks herself back up. Damien cares so much about her and is very protective about her. Shared line: “just be careful/I can take care of myself (I don’t need help, especially from you.” If she keeps going down this path, she’ll never get out of it (same thing with Abe). Damien/Will want to help.

-17:23 “I know you can’t take care of me forever”; Damien making a choice, IMPORTANT. He trusts that Celine is trying to do the best for him; knows whatever she’s doing/her motives are, at the end of the day, she’s his sister and he wants to help. Whether or not that means things will change for him. Damien’s one moral: This is a story about coming to terms that life throws at you. About someone that didn’t choose things to happen to them, but (In mark’s mind) it’s not about what happens, it’s about how you respond. The choices you make when that happens; it may not always work out but those choices define who you are as a person. At the end of it all, Damien doesn’t understand but he knows Celine can’t do “this” alone.

-17:54 Damien knows he can’t go back to the life he had, and he’s okay with that. “He’s OK that Celine tried to fix, but trying to fix him will get her killed. And he’s okay with him not being fixed”.

-19:49 Celine has been doing everything herself; Damien is offering help. CELINE ISNT DEAD HECK YEAH. “This isn’t a place of the mind-“ fake water. SHE IS SLEEPING UWU UWU. MARKIPLIER TV INSTANTLY AFTER THIS.

-EXTRAS:

•Overarching meaning/story: “These are stories.” In the universe, the world they live in after WKM is stories. They’re acting our scripts/videos because they are characters in stories. It doesn’t matter what was said, it matters why. Celine/Damien live in that story because she made up a narrative for them. Nothing happening in DAMIEN is truly real. Actor wants the ideas of hero’s/villains, he wants to imagine and play pretend. The house is just an analogy for Mark’s imagination/head. CANON that there are plot holes.

EX Detective Abe: (WMLWS) He is going to be the detective in every story. Whatever detective role he needs to be. Doesn’t know why he has to hunt Will down. Hasn’t lived “The Detective”’s life, so he doesn’t know the details, doesn’t have the script. Wilford is acting out of the script because he isn’t IN the script; he’s having FUN.

•Damien: empathy / Warfstahce: insanity, zany, doesn’t always make sense, goofy, fun!!! / ACTOR: Narcissistic part of Mark.

•In “this universe” (the Masson/mark’s Brain), characters act out their lives-> transformed where life doesn’t make sense.

•Not all characters are a part of MARKIPLIERS personality. Characters not representing mark were before actually mark. Went in the mansion ->they were trapped there, the mind (of another Mark?).

•The viewer is, under those terms (an observer), right there, behind the class. They’re the viewer.

•After WKM, we’re watching everything unfold. We’re forced to be an observer -> we can’t change or do anything, only watch. We aren’t trapped with the characters.

•In CANON, Damien -> Markiplier TV.

•A Date with Markiplier doesn’t wrap in with this. Everything happens AFTER WKM.

•Actor SPIRALED bc he couldn’t accept that he lost roles/his wife left him. His choice was to create a situation that tore his entire friendship/ppl that cared abt him apart. He killed/destroyed lives/did terrible things bc that’s how he replied.

•Warfstache was thrown into situation where former friend contrived a situation that took everything away from him. Justification was madness; things didn’t make sense to him so he choose to role with it and enjoy things while they were there. Temporary nature of life is why it’s so precious. Lives in the NOW, the MOMENT.

•Damien has no choice of what was happening. Didn’t understand why his friends tore themselves apart/Will didn’t care/Mark dead/sister suddenly there performing occult things. He was robbed and had things stolen from him; he’s the kind of person that wants to help, he also wants revenge. But the point is: the choices that led him to where he was were choices that helped the ppl he cares abt.

•Who is the character in this universe that is the opposite of Mark (what he said abt darkiplier)?

#markiplier #WKM #who killed markiplier

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 9: “-28... negative. 28. negative. twenty. eight.” - Jason

i'm fully a psycho, i practiced my acting in the mirror to pretend I accidentally voted Ian. its a mess. a REAL mess. and I might have done it for no reason, they took it super well so maybe I... shouldn't tell Jason...

i literally am why Ian left. I wanted him out since round two, and I made it happen even though nobody wanted it to. I FINALLY ACTUALLY MADE A MOVE IN A GAME. I FINALLY DID SOMETHING I'M SO HAPPY asldfa. I could CRY, I can leave this game happy.

um da fuck alalkdgh well I aldlkj so alkjdfc;l.

^ decipher thats all I got.

No honestly I don't know what to think right now. Everyone went crazy last tribal and I feel like I need to explain myself a little bit? First off my alliance voted someone oppositely of what they told me they'd do. And secondly, they used me as a total fallback. And what made it me CRACKED asf was that they told me none of it. Like we talked in the morning about how shit was going to go down tonight and decided on Jason. We were all in agreement and it was in motion. Later Tom asked me what the vote was and I was told to tell him Ian. Except Alex told me that he told him Me. Without warning me. At all. Which is like shitty. So I kinda got paranoid and started asking around and seeing what was what, and thats when Tom came up to me and said that there was a big blindside to vote me off led by Alex. Of course, my initial thought was that this could be happening and he made this big plan to vote off Alex and I talked to Ali about it but ULTIMATELY I decided to go with Jason as I promised. My mistake I guess was telling Jones, who I really trusted, saying that they wanted to make a move on Alex but I trusted him and said I voted Jason. I only said so because I was worried that it might fall through and I might need to be saved by her idol. Which I know is hers of course and I don't want to dictate when she can use it but with this insanity going around I just was really nervous. But honestly I can't believe that Alex and them all just decided against voting Jason without telling me. They said it was to save me, which of course is true, but they didn't tell me. And it was SHITTY for Alex to not tell me that he threw my name to Tom, like truly dumb. I know I've said I might want him out soon a lot, but honestly I HAVE NO IDEA what I'm going to be doing with the next tribal. I do wanna say tho that I like him as a person a whole lot! He's sweet and loyal and really kind, I just think he's gonna end up dominating this game if people let him.

PS I don't know if Julia has a problem with me. We were suppose to be voting together for Jason, and while she doesn't owe me anything, she just wouldn't talk to me. Like I think I wouldn't have CRACKED so hard if I could just reach her and get a grip on how she was voting.

She's being chaotic on purpose but only to me? I don't get it.

okay I'm off the alliance call. I just sent a really like emo paragraph to my hostchat but I'm so happy, which is gross because I just did Ian so dirty but lemme explain.

I have played 7 games before this (3 Survivor, 4 Big Brother) - I've come 2nd in five of those games, and without exception I have never EVER played a game I'm proud of. I always make fun of my game for being crap. Like I'm always a goat, always crap, and always play passively.

I'm so excited about this season and this game because... I'm finally playing the game and a game I am proud of. Like I'm not fussed about winning or making FTC, because lets be real, it fully is not happening, but I wanna leave the season proud of my game. And I already so am, like... I've wanted Ian out since round two, and I've been determined to make it happen.

And I did that. I literally was angling to get him out via a vote switch and then when the vote split came up, I knew exactly what to do. I knew Ian would be less willing to make amends and more able to make connections. I knew Ian was a threat and so urgently needed to be removed because he could keep a grip on the game.

I can't believe that. In a tribe of twelve people, where nobody wanted Ian out (the four votes for him were all just for the sake of a vote split), and I singlehandedly forced it through. I saw a target, knew to make a move and got them out. IM SO HAPPY.

in other news... I am a psycho, I literally went to a mirror, practised how to look shocked and then went on that call and acted my HEART OUT. I think people bought it, but it is. the. most. cracked. thing. I. have. ever. done.

I'm now kinda stuck, because I have two options. Either I tell Jason what I did earning his trust, or I just... try and work with Jason without telling him. One is riskier with more potential long term benefit, and one is a much safer bet. I am gonna think on it and decide tomorrow.

Also I was really mean about Jones, Mo & Alex in my confessionals earlier. I take it back, on calls they are so FUN. I think they just aren't texting people so I don't judge. Doesn't mean I necessarily wanna go too far with them, but I love them as people and feel bad for being mean.

also since this round solidified that much as I'm proud of my game, I'm not making FTC, I'd rank people in the order I'd vote for them as a juror as:

Jules > Alex > Mitch > Tom > Benj > Jones > Julia > Jason > Caeleb > Mo

Jules/Alex/Mitch seem very switched on, Tom making it to the end would be a real underdog journey, Benj is a king and has the right idea with an undercover duo, Jones/Julia savvy queens, Jason actually also has an underdog story we will need to see with that one, Caeleb telling Jones about the Alex plan is a real dumb move imo which lowers his rank for me. Mo is my SON and I love him but would need to see more game from him to be comfortable voting him at FTC in any scenario.

also ian talking about dom not deserving to win switzerland set off kill bill red flags for me. nobody who talks about dom negatively lives to tell the tale, you go BYEBYE. but also ian ilysm, like you were a major threat and had to go, but on a personal level i love you with my whole heart.

okay last confessional for now, the two moods:

June 30th yeehaw

July 2nd

Extra notes:

Benj and i are working on the idol hunt together and I’m already on like,, 30 w him so it’s gucci, I’m not gonna tell Alex ab it or anything bc I kinda wanna try and stray away from him a bit?? Like he doesn’t have to know EVERYTHING Ab my advantages yk?

And I’m probs not gonna try and use the vote cover on anyone rn bc every single one of my allies is like,,, up for exposure???? So that’s wacky,,

Also bc Ian was absolutely ROBBED of jury we’re thinking it’s a F2

Bc OF COURSE IT IS which I’m not mad ab but I have to think ab who i’d Really want to sit with,,, best case scenario for me is probs Benj,, maybe Mo? Not too sure,, but um ya barbecue sauce on my thiddies here we go into f11 onward and upward amirite

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGv10gbJxVU

this was b4 tribal 

So I lost Ian... and I'm kinda mad about it! I can't help but feel like I'm on my way to the jury because even the next day people are still acting super weird with me. I don't really understand how I'm a threat to anyone right now though??? Like I guess the Me/Ian power duo thing was valid but Ian's gone now so that argument should be moot.

I have no idea what to do moving forward. Up this point my game has been based on how I interpret conversations with people and how much I thought I could trust them... but I can't do shit if no one wants to talk to me (and I cannot stress ENOUGH how much sense this doesn't make).

The one good thing about me staying in the game I guess is I now have free reign to do whatever the fuck I want with my time left here. If I can blow up as many games as possible and stir the pot as much as I can at least I go out having fun?? Right?? But bottom line is I fully intend on lone-wolfing this game for however long I'm still here for.

My current first steps are to first throw Julia under the bus to Caeleb, and hopefully get something going with Caeleb. If I'm in with Caeleb, it might help with Alex, Jones, and Mo using me as a number.

Next is to pretty much sell my soul to the kingpin of this entire thing right now, Alex. I'm imagining a faux-Phillip Sheppard scenario where I tell Alex he owns my vote, but he doesn't really. I have no clue if he'd bite but it's worth trying because what the fuck else do I have left.

On the topic of Alex, I could also try to shift his attention into targeting someone like Mitch or Benj? I can embellish a little bit and tell Alex that Mitch is spreading a rumor that he has the Dirt People Idol or something along those lines.

Next on the (tentative) agenda is to talk with Jules and try to see where I stand with her. For some reason I feel the most burned by her from last tribal?? I don't trust her at all but as long as she thinks that door is still open I'll hear what she has to say. Maybe I can guilt her into giving me more info as well?

And the last thing I can think of is try making a better connection with Mo and Jones, and hopefully start some sort of game relationship with those two. I don't really see myself getting far with this one considering these two have been hit or miss in the conversations I've had with them, but there isn't anything worth not trying at this point.

Back to a less gamebotty point of view, I've honestly been oscillating between being angry and being upset about how last tribal broke down, mainly because I feel like Ali, Julia, and Mitch could've waited a lot longer to do something like this if they were worried about me and Ian (which I still believe they had very little reason to be worried right now in the first place). But I also feel like I had 9 doors slam in my face and the only person I can still be real with is Tom. I'm back at square one and I'm not happy about it, but I didn't come back to this godforsaken ORG to go down easy so I've gotta keep moving for as long as I can.

(Also I need to be willing to let go of Tom. I'm not gonna go out of my way to burn him, but I'm also beyond the point of wanting to stick my neck out too far for him. My longevity is the only priority right now.)

okay so... this vote is operation get Caeleb out of here. I really wanted to work with Caeleb, and I think he could have been a really useful number, but like... him telling Jones about the plan to vote Alex really, really rubbed me the wrong way. Like I do not trust him at all after that, I really do not know where we are at now.

So here is the goal. I'm about to call Jason and hopefully get him back on side. Then hopefully between Jules and I, we can convince Space Jam to vote Caeleb (I'm still confused how close he is to Mo/Jones/Alex, could be a good test). With Caeleb, a potential number for them, out of the way, next round its time for a big move, its time for one of Jones/Alex/Mo to go.

The numbers for that move would be (hopefully) Me, Jules, Julia, Tom, Jason, Mitch (6/10) + Benj hopefully, or at worst I'll just keep him in the loop. I really think Caeleb going could be so so good, it really opens up numbers and weakens Jones/Mo/Alex - it also narrows down where the idol is, something that we have to stay conscious of.

At the moment, my closest allies are definitely Jules and Benj. Jules is just.... the best, so woke, so on the ball, I am LOVING playing this season with them. Benj is such a king, my earliest like 'proper' ally even though Julia approached me after like 0.5 seconds in the game ha. I love Benj, and at the moment he also is quite out of the loop, he could also be a workable FTC option. I'm really stuck with Jules and FTC - you would be crazy to take Jules, as articulate and smart as they are, to FTC, but I really don't think I could face writing Jules' name down, I would feel AWFUL.

Also thoughts on Tom? He is too good for this world, he was so sweet about Ian/Jason going and like I really relate to the emotions he feels in games, on a personal level he is the best.

I feel like my plan going forwards is vote off Caeleb, then Alex, then Jones/Mo, and then figure it out from there. I really think if I play it right, I can slowly and calmly continue to have real swing over this game, I'm mc'loving it.

Also, because I keep doing this and its a fun pattern at this point, this is the order in which I would vote for people at FTC, if I go 11th at the moment:

Jules > Jason > Alex > Julia > Mitch > Jones > Tom > Benj > Caeleb > Mo

okay i just called Jason, such a king! i feel like i was VERY awkward, and I like I didn't articulate myself very well, but... he gets that we are going to need to potentially pull some shenanigans. I really want Caeleb then Alex, but if we need to just do Alex first, I can deal with that.

I think ideal situation is Tom wins immunity, Space Jam wants to vote Caeleb - we all go along with it, and then Alex goes next round, but we will see eek!

Oh wow hi it’s me, Mo.

So here’s the rundown on what’s happened the past couple rounds for my dumbass. First let’s start off with getting to merge, it’s a talent of mine, don’t look at my Italy placement. We’re out of that dumb fucking cave so no more waiting which is great. Another cool thing is I’m actually allies with Julia now which is weird because I’m going to be honest I was terrified of her going into this game. We had a past game experience that made me fearful. But now I’m sitting comfy in a majority alliance with Alex, Ali, Jones, Jules & Julia. By the way this is a first time thing for me, being in a majority alliance during merge. So this at least guarantees me final 7 or 6. It took me four tries to spell guarantees, who’s idea was it to put the u in front of the a it’s fucking stupid. But like here’s the thing, my gameplay is somewhat underwhelming. Basically my game relies on jury management and likability. Because I can’t strategize for shit, I just kinda smile and waddle forward when a door opens. I thought at this part of the game I would be close allies with Tom again but that didn’t happen. Apparently JJ told Tom about an alliance made in old Durmitor with Alex, Jules, Jones & Evan??? Made to like simmer JJ down. So now Tom doesn’t want to work with any of them (Which mind you three of them are my close allies) so he confronted Alex about it and I think he was like butthurt about not being included??? But like bitch I wasn’t included either but I’m not sulking about it. It wasn’t even a serious alliance. Also back to my alliances, sorry I know this is mixed up. MESSY, WHO BROUGHT NAPKINS IM GETTING MESSY. But I was also in an alliance with Alex, Jones & Caeleb after the swap. Called the Durmitor Dominators which is still a thing. But Caeleb wasn’t added to the Space Jam alliance with the group of 6 so I’m like??? What’s going on there??? I should probably talk about it with Alex because I am confusion. Also now there’s this new twist since we got out of the Dua Lipa cave, now we have to adjust to the sunlight with this exposure twist which basically means whoever gets eliminated gets to expose three people and whoever is exposed still by the tribal has to write who they’re voting for in chat. So I love that. But that’s about it for me thank you for taking the time to read this.

I DO NOT WANT TO BE VOTING JASON AT ALL THE FUCK I WANT TO GET ALEX THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BUT NO CAELEB APPARENTLY WANTS TO VOTE JASON I HATE THIS THEY REALLY ARE TRYING TO GET MY HOMIE JASON OUT!!! WAS I CONSPIRING AGAINST HIM AND IAN ALL WEEK? MAYBE SO! BUT I DON'T WANT HIM OUT YET!!! I DON'T!! WE ARE TRYING TO BLINDSIDE ALEX BUT THIS AIN'T WORKING UGHGHGHGHG *STOMPS ON THE GROUND* UGHGHGHGH I HATE THIS GOODBYE

Sooo besides the fact that it took me 5 minutes to find the confessional tab because I havent been doing these im here to update!!! Ian was just voted out and although i'm fine with it for now, I was NOT expecting a split vote. That makes me feel a little bit nervous going further into the game. I did think it was beneficial to split up the Jason/Ian duo but i was expecting Jason to go; not Ian. Anywho im almost positive im in the same predicament this vote. I've mended my relationship with Jason and im working very well with Tom to flip the script on Alex (who I believe to be running the game). Typically I would wait a few more rounds to get Alex out, but if everyone is playing for him to win, I might miss my opportunity like I did in my last season. I'm not blind! I'll do whatever it takes to go far and put myself in people's endgames. RN swapped Durmitor has the power. I dont necessarily like that because although im not on bad terms with them, I'm definitely on the bottom of that totem pole.

Tom sent seven confessionals in a row to be put at different places throughout this and last episode??? I guess??? But no thank you, so enjoy the thoughts in the order he apparently had them. ~Drew

*1 hour before tribal*

WHY IS ALEX SO CRACKED HONESTLY alex has said ian, caeleb and jason to 3 people i dont understand i am most likely getting played here but i dont want any of them to go, i see very high potential when working with all three of them so i think im going to try to make a big move and take out alex. I'm immune this round but next round im not so its a bit risky. I think Ali and Jules would be on board if there was the numbers there so if me ian jason julia ali and caeleb all voted together that would be majority and alex would be the first blindside of the game....

Tom

*10 hours before tribal council*

Everyone is pretty much dead silence i feel like everyone has an idea of who they would like to target but no one is really wanting to be the first person to throw a name out there so like its gonna get so fucking messy whilst im asleep and imma wake up to one big mess i already know it

Tom

*1-2 hours before tribal*

Okay so I've just woken up and i just spoke to alex and he seems like he just wants to do anything to get his ass safe this round which is sketch af, he is saying the vote is caeleb to me so thats cool and all but i asked caeleb what he was hearing just to get both sides and caeleb said alex said jason..... so like wtf is alex trying to do.....

TOM

ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION sinking ship is near i cba voting for alex now that he has told jones, he did the same thing as evan and i am just ready for his ass to go out the door ugh im so annoyed!

Tom

OKAY I CANNOT DEAL WHO THE FUCK IS THIS CAELEB KID HONESTLY WHY ARE YOU SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT WHY DID YOU GO AND TELL JONES LITERALLY ALL OF WHAT I SAID....ITS A KNOWN FACT THAT THEY'RE A DUO OPEN YOUR STUPID EYES IDIOT!!!! THANKS SO MUCH NOW IMMA GET FUCKED OVER AND GET TARGETED BY ALEX AND HIS MINIONS NEXT ROUND. THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR TRYING TO SAVE SOMEONE I WANT TO WORK WITH IN THIS GAME....

Tom

*Tribal just happened*

Oh okay uhm well thats just fucking sad. I would like to say i never cry when a close ally is eliminated but i am a mess, i am crying right now at work and my driver is like "uhm are you okay..." yeah man im okay just crying over an ally that essentially died because i cant even speak to him anymore rip :( I miss ian so much i am so fucking furious that i am blindsided again at merge tho.... also really 9 people were in on that blindside split vote.....WOW! I am so surprised that ali and jules didnt tell me about the plan tbh they can say all they want about how they thought i knew but like if you thought i knew you should've just spoken to me about the vote.... like WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SPLIT UP JIAN when JONEX is still in the game they're much more dangerous and so much harder to get out every round we get closer.

Tom

waa waaa waaa call the wambulance! My plan is working so far i think tbh, mitch has been very responsive about this round and i am fairly certain that he has realised how fucked of a position he is in this game without me and jason here so he made an alliance chat which is good because that means he will work with us even just for this round. I think a lot of people now jian is out, have realised the next big big duo in this game is jalex so hopefully the movement on them occurs!

Tom

*hour after tribal*

Okay so this is shit me and jason are in minority and will most likely get votes split against us.... time to do something about it, in the past merges ive been too ive been in the bottom, and i was taken out this time it wont be happening as much as alex would like it too i will not let it happen! This cast seems to have fairly emotional sympathetic people in this game so imma express how sad i was at the tribal say i was balling my eyes out when ian left and how i feel so down and out and that i am very lost and sad in this game. Because this will make people feel bad for not including me in the plans and also it will create conversation for them to work with me to build my spirits up again and make me happy.

Just thinking about this exposure twist. Kinda cool actually. I'm surprised to say it but I think this might be the type of thing that I like to see??? Who am I. Kinda wish the reward challenge was more of a flash game over a typing game, only because I wanna know how hard the winner worked to get that score. Like for typing you kinda either are already good at it prior or you're shit at it, so I can't tell if Alex put in a bunch of time and effort to win. If it was some weird flash game that had a steep learning curve then I would know better and have a better grip on the game Alex is playing. Regardless, kinda excited about Benj having the curse because I think(?) that we can use that to actually do something crazy? Like I'm thinking a 5 vote blindside tie type situation where Benj throws out a red herring type of vote. We'll see, but I think I need to keep a low profile so who knows if that'll come to fruition.

okay mitch! has! been! elevated! to! king! status!

me and mitch have had a good conversation which I'm super SUPER happy about, he is someone who is in a similar spot to me, so I am SOOO happy we are talking yay. He agrees Alex needs to go soon, like... people are on the same page, maybe its time for it to hap' hap' happen.

since alex won reward, he'll of course save himself, which is fine. it means julia and benj are exposed, and while they're both close allies of mine, they are probably the two who would be in the toughest spot to vote alex, julia since she is like out of nowhere close to him, and benj since he is close to jones.

the plan could be to get alex and co to agree to another split vote or something, which separates numbers that could allow us to strike versus Alex. Maybe if we did like... Alex/Jones/Mo/Caleb on someone, Benj/Julia on another and then Me/Jason/Tom/Jules/Mitch on someone, making a 5-4-2 vote. oh god these merge vote counts have been so so cracked.

we will see. i think my placement this season is going to be like... 8th or something? I am scared of flipping for two votes in a row, BUT I feel like the good news is if I was getting voted out, either Tom or Benj would now hear about it, so I should be able to still play my idol. We will see ahh, but its very scary!

as always with my confessionals:

Bootlist: Alex > Caeleb > Jones > Jason > Mo > Mitch > Julia > Jules > Me/Tom/Benj F3

here is the problem though, I can't vote Jules out. I am such a Jules stan, voting them out would snap my heart it half, I really don't think I could do it. I think I would need others to do it, I'd probably want to be blindsided by it and kept in the dark.

and then the order I would vote people in an FTC:

Jules > Alex > Jason > Mitch > Benj > Julia > Tom > Jones > Caeleb > Mo

Ok so now I’m getting added to a third alliance chat which is supposedly a final 3 alliance. But like here’s the thing, I’d be sitting next to Jones & Alex. I have a snowballs chance in hell of winning against either of them. Everyone loves Jones and Alex has been kinda running this game so far. I’m just kinda his goat. Don’t get me wrong I wanna start making some moves but it’s too early, right now I want to stay unthreatening and low key. I might just have to ride this coat tail to the end because if we have bitter jurors they’ll end up looking at Alex.

So Alex says he didnt read the challenge post... yet came 2nd?

I dont buy it, I fully believe if I ask Benj and others what Alex asked to give him, he will say negatives. He is such a fraud.

also this split vote will be his undoing... his ass is about to be grass... mwahahahahha

-28... negative. 28. negative. twenty. eight. what the FUCK did i do to these people??

I don't even know where to go from here.

...but I mean I kinda do.

I can use this to further push the narrative that I've got no one and hence nowhere near the biggest threat/I'm the easiest target there is and HOPEFULLY people take their eyes off of me.

Aside from that what I WANT to do is vote Alex out (big change from my last confessional, I know). I think I have Tom and Jules on board if I were to pitch it to them, same with Mitch and Ali. I MIGHT have Caeleb but he ran it back to Jones last round so the precedent's already set. So from there to have a five vote majority was I was considering to split the other 6 votes. Julia and Benj are getting their votes exposed so they probably want to vote majority, which I'm anticipating to be someone like myself, Tom, or Caeleb. Ideally, the vote splits one of two ways— NEVERMIND

!! BREAKING !!

Tom says via Ali that Alex thinks that the 9 that split their vote on me and Ian are gonna split their vote again on me and Tom, but Ali isn't on board with that (if he's being honest), and I'd have to assume the same goes for Mitch since there's now a chat with myself him and Tom. So the plan from there (which ties into what I was planning anyway) is to get Jules on board (we called the day after tribal, she SOUNDS like she'd be down), and let the rest of them split their vote.

So that means...

FUCK Alex

FUCK Caeleb

FUCK Julia

FUCK the rest of em bc who??

[but not really it's a game I don't mean it]

But as far as tribal plans right now go... ideally it turns out

5-4-2

5: Me/Tom/Mitch/Ali/Jules for Alex

4-2: Some combination of Alex/Mo/Caeleb/Jones/Julia/Benj for me/Tom

I probably get the 4 again, Tom gets 2... or other way around??? I get the 2 if Mitch/Ali/Jules are meant to vote for me?

But anyways don't be shocked if this is all for nothing and this is my last confessional x

god... negative 28...

i am so frustrated with julia. okay so tom told me apparently on call she said she has a F3 with Alex/Jones, specifically a F2 with Alex. Now... I fully feel like Tom made this up, BUT I asked Julia about the vote and she says she wants to ride out the Space Jam alliance...

is she nuts. is she NUTS kjlasdfas. Literally I feel like WAY too much of this tribe is drinking the Alex Kool-Aid and I can't describe how frustrating it is lowkey. Like I sided with Alex relying on like... Julia's wokeness that we could then detach ourselves, Alex is now FULLY running this tribe and it terrifies me.

It solidifies to me that Alex needs to go this round. Like....this round. He is running this tribe, he has grips on Jones/Mo/Caeleb/Julia, and potentially Benj through Jones. That is SUCH a large amount of this tribe, so I need to stick my neck out. I'm fully embracing that I'm not making FTC at this rate, so it's just time to shake stuff up.

Here is the plan. I am going to play into the split vote plan, we can get Alex and his minions as they shall henceforth be called to split their votes between Jason and Tom, and then maybe Me/Tom/Jules/Mitch/Jason vote out Alex or any of his minions, I don't care which.

At this rate, I'm going to be going into F10 in a potential 5-5 situation, but honestly... Jones/Mo say about a word and a half of game between them each round so they are not workable allies, Julia who flips at literally the drop of a hat is suddenly misted by Alex and Co., Caeleb is just infuriating for telling Jones about the Alex vote, shows he can't be trusted. That leaves only Benj my king, the only woke one, though I am afraid of his connection to Jones.

I just WISH this TRIBE would use their BRAINS. Specifically Julia at the minute.

I’m so TIRED I’ve been so quiet maybe that’s why people are thinking about targeting me :)

Ok ok lemme back up a lil,, this is all according to Alex,, which,,,,,,, idk about YALL but he’s giving off a bit of a paranoid energy right now,, and I’m fully aware of the fact that he has the best chance at winning this game out of anyone here, sooooo maybe let him get eaten by the wolves soon? Not necessarily soon but like,, ya soon. Don’t wanna get him to the end skkdkdkdks. I also think separating myself from Alex might take a target off of MY back, I’ve been trying to separate myself like on my own terms but I think I need to start like,,, setting the stage kind of thing. Idk all I know is that I have a better chance sitting with anyone BUT him,, So maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing to push Alex into the fire a little bit.

I have yet to hear a name, though I’d like to get Tom out personally? He can slide utr really easily,, plus we can (or at least I can) confirm he doesn’t have an idol, the only question is does Jason have an idol and is willing to play it on the only person he voted with? Who KNOWS!! We just have to make them feel comfy (assuming we have the majority vote that is KSKSKS)

But ya stay tuned laid ease

okay so alex is really trying to play me and its very transparent. now, this could just be tom playing which if so, good for him, his mind and his MIST, but here is the deal.

tom tells me him and alex had a conversation about pairs, where Tom threw out Alex/Jones as a pair, and Alex threw out Julia and I. Then in Alex's retelling of that same conversation, side note its funny that I heard the same conversation from both sides in the space of about 10 minutes, Alex conveniently leaves out that he threw out me and Julia as a pair, and he is SO defensive about him and Jones as a pair.

Jones was on my ass immediately when Caeleb told her Alex could be the vote, and Alex also knew super fast. You are really going to try and convince me that you aren't even close when you have spent 23 days on a tribe together, and from the sounds of things, voted together every single time! im not buying it.

for this vote, i want either alex or an alex minion out, i think mo would be the most do-able. jones is close to caeleb, who we will need as a number, so if alex's idol paranoia is too big, maybe we need to remove mo from the equation? we will see.

mo is my org son, and i love him on calls and such, but I am confused by the game he is playing. I'm potentially super underestimating him, which is a definite possibility, but at the moment.... its like... do something charlie. is he just going to hide behind Jones and Alex, because that's not smart.

i would like to see Alex go this vote, but i think he is already too paranoid (i think tom stoked his paranoia WAY too much). I think Mo could end up being the back up vote, which is probably actually okay, because Alex is a definite shield moving forwards, particularly if still paired with Jones.

Updated Jury Vote Rankings:

Jules > Alex > Jason > Tom > Mitch > Benj > Julia > Jones > Caeleb > Mo

okay I'm like... getting frustrated with Alex. he literally does not know how to be subtle about anything lowkey, like this vote split is literally his 4 OG Durmitors voting 'correctly', leaving all his unsure numbers Me/Jules/Julia/Benj on Jason... like mc'what...

i really want him gone, EVERYONE is drinking the Alex Kool-Aid. Maybe I'm not seeing it, but Jones and Mo particularly are playing SO passively, I fully want to scream.

I need to convince Caeleb to make a move. It's really time to just send Alex, or literally any of his minions out of here. I want to include Julia so badly, but she is so blindly misted by him out of nowhere, I hate it UGH.

I think I want Alex and Mo out as the next two votes, Alex runs the show and Mo is just too passive of a player to be a workable ally. Jones is much more of a threat, but Benj likes her and I want to respect.

I just can't deal with Alex and Co. playing so passively for another round, I'll scream KLASDFA.

Alex aka Gru (because of his minions) unfortunately goes byebye tonight. It took a bit of last minute persuading of Caeleb, but we have GOT THIS ahh.

It looks like its going to be either 6 votes or 5 if Tom self-votes on Alex (Me, Caeleb, Jules, Tom, Jason & Mitch), 3 on Tom (Jones, Mo & Alex) and 2 on Jason (Julia and Benj).

This could definitely backfire, but I don't think I'll go home (famous last words), and if Tom/Jason gets idoled out, next round there is still wiggle room because I still have my KING Benj on the other side. Jones/Mo/Julia are going to be coming for my neck, but I'd rather face the minions than Gru himself NNN,

i might live to regret this if Caeleb turns on me, but I take back everything negative I've EVER said about Caeleb. He is an icon, and so so fun to talk to. I feel like he really trusts me now, so I can't turn on him unless I have to.

New goal final five is Me/Jules/Benj/Tom/Caeleb... and I think its do-able. We get Alex out this vote, then Julia/Mo/Jones/Jason as the next four, followed by Mitch... I'm not sure how exactly, but we will figure it out AHH.

[eating-rocks]

I was tagged by @tameholly (I’m so honoured, I never get tagged in these kinds of things)

rules: answer these 85 statements & tag 20 people 

the last:

1. drink: Water, probably. I keep one 1.5 L bottle by my bed and one at my desk

2. phone call: Mom, our apartment’s pretty big so it’s easier to call each other when you need something

3. text message: *Picture of a rainbow shining onto my living room floor*  (to my bff)

4. song you listened to: “Real Life”-Duke Dumont, but I didn’t actually listened to it, I just put on a random “Absolute hits” playlist on Spotify because I don’t like quiet

5. time you cried: Probably when I watched Shadowhunters the other day (I started watching this series just last week and I’ve been obsessing over it) and Magnus broke up with Alec in episode 19 

have you ever:

6. dated someone twice: Yes, biggest mistake of my life 

7. kissed someone and regretted it: No, I haven’t kissed that manny people. I regret times that I didn’t kiss someone more 

8. been cheated on: Yes, “biggest mistake of my life“ started dating someone else without properly breaking up with me, the second time. This is why I have trust issues 

9. lost someone special: Technically, it’s a long story  

10. been depressed: My life is literal hell, who wouldn’t be depressed  

11. gotten drunk & thrown up: I can’t get that drunk because I take meds that can compromise my liver function, amongst other things, when combined with alcohol 

favorite colors:

12. Pink

13. (Sunset) Orange

14. Green

in the last year have you:

15. made new friends: Kinda, I’ve started talking to some new people on the internet but I’m not sure if I’d call them friends yet (I’m quiets hesitant to call someone a friend)

16. fallen out of love: Did I even fall IN love?

17. laughed until you cried: Me and mom almost ever night

18. found out someone was talking about you: No

19. met someone who changed you: Yes, I think

20. found out who your friends are: I suppose

21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: No, I don’t think so

general: (Mun)

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Most of them

23. do you have any pets: Two beautiful little cats, and hopefully a dog too in a few months

24. do you want to change your name: Yes and no. I find it rather bland, but I kinda like it because it means “torch”/”the one who lights up the way” and I think that’s beautiful 

25. what did you do for your last birthday: Went to a “crafting fair” were I bought some cool new beads, ate at a semi-fancy buffet and slept for a few hours afterwards

26. what time did you wake up: I first woke up at 10 (am) which is when my alarm goes off, but I didn’t feel well so I fell asleep again and woke up around 14 (2am)

27. what were you doing at midnight last night:  Either scrolling through Tumblr or watching Youtube 

28. name something you can’t wait for: Graduating High School

31. what are you listening to right now: Nothing

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: Idk, maybe 

33. something that is getting on your nerves: Any version of “You’re so good, I could never do that”

34. most visited website: Tumblr and YouTube

35. hair colour: Medium blond-ish (I’m born light blond but it’s slowly turning brown) and red (coloured)

36. long or short hair: Undercut with about shoulder length on top (it looks shorter, though, because it’s semi-curly)

39. piercings: None, not even in the earlobe. I plan on getting at least the ears pierced at some point, though, but I don’t know when I will get around to do that

40. blood type: Don’t know actually, but I’ve been told it’s likely some type of AB

41. nicknames: My name’s rather short so I don’t really have one. Although, my bff sometimes call me Eli or “little rat” IRL. On messenger I’m called “Pussy” (with my bff), “Buuuuuuutt” (childhood friend) and “LGBTQueen” (church buddy)

42. relationship status: single AF

43. zodiac: Aires 

44. pronouns: They/them but I don’t really care what you call me 

45. favourite tv show: Currently Shadowhunters 

46. tattoos: None, yet

47. right or left handed: Both. I write with my right hand, though

48. surgery: 1/2. Removal of 4 teeth under general anaesthesia, because my head is tiny and they didn’t fit. 

49. piercing: Why is this written twice?

50. sport: Former Equestrian girl. Started when I was 3 years old and quitted when I was about 16 because I started High School and that took a lot of energy. Competed in dressage a few times but I never made the podium

51. vacation: Is this asking where I want to go or where I’ve been this year? I visited London this June, and I would very much like to visit Japan or Italy (I’ve visited Rome, but I want to see more of Italy)

52. pair of trainers: I realised the other week that the sole had a huge hole on both of feet, so I currently don’t have any

more general

53. eating: Food is life, but I’m usually too tired to cook. I’ve had a smoothie so far today

54. fav drink: Coffee or “elderflower drink”

55. what you’re up to: I was playing Mass Effect 3 before I started doing this 

56. waiting for: Uhh, Idk. I order some stuff of “Wish” a few weeks ago, so I guess I’m waiting for them to arrive 

57. want: ??? I don’t know...what??

58. get married: Maybe, it’s not a life goal precisely but it would be nice  

59. career: High School student, and almost a business owner on the side 

which is better:

60. hugs or kisses: I don’t really like either 

61. lips or eyes: eyes

62. shorter or taller: Taller. I’m 162 cm, I need someone who can reach shelves 

63. older or younger: Neither 

64. nice arms or nice stomach: Arms (lift me up and flip me onto the counter, daddy)

65. hook up or relationship: For me or my opinion in general? Because I’m too shy for a one night stand, but I’m not judging those who like sex without strings 

66. troublemaker or hesitant: neutral

have you ever:

67. kissed a stranger: No

68. drank hard liquor: *Insane laughter* I’m from Sweden, we have vodka or moonshine in our coffee (not really, but there is a semi-popular cocktail here that’s basically Irish coffee on steroids)

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: I don’t have glasses. I have reading glasses, though, and I forget that I’m wearing them constantly so I walk away with them on instead 

70. turned someone down: Maybe by accident 

71. sex on the first date: No. I haven’t been on many dates at all and I’ve only had sex once 

72. broken someone’s heart: I don’t think so

73. had your heart broken: Rewind to “biggest mistake of my life”

74. been arrested: No

75. cried when someone died: I’ve never had someone close enough die, not a physical death anyway

76. fallen for a friend: I’m not 100% sure if it was love or if I just suddenly started appreciating her more 

do you believe in

77. yourself: I try

78. miracles: Sort of 

79. love at first sight: No

80. santa claus: no

81. kiss on the first date: Yes??

82. angels: I’m not really sure

83. current best friend’s name: “Dick” (messenger name and the one displayed in the conversation screenshots I’ve posted here). She would’t like it if I revealed her real name 

84. eye colour: Multi-coloured. Brown around the pupil, grey in the outer corner, and some faint green. They appear to be different colours depending on the lighting and if I’m wearing makeup, but usually look blue-ish  

85. favourite movie: Not sure I have one, maybe the Harry Potter series  

I don’t really know if I can tag as many as 20 people, so Imma tag as many as I know (mostly people who reblog from me quiet often) and if someone who’s not tagged wants to do this, feel free to do so and say that I tagged you

@fandom-traaash @my-ships-my-rules @pluttskutt @myfavoritebisexual @charcoalvoid @xxprincesslancexx @meimagino @ok-panduh I’m sorry if you’ve already been tagged in this 

#tag game #about me

[illegiblewords]

Right now I am honestly tired as heck just out of work but I think I am figuring out a writing thing so gonna type that here.

I’m basically in the kind of :I position rn where besides on and offline responsibilities and social stuff I have:

1) A novel I am supposed to be working on through July, which is properly outlined and I feel pretty good about.

2) A fun D&D campaign that I’m :> over.

3) A new idea that hit me in the head like a sack of bricks like a day or two ago.

#3, literally it’s the second time in my life that kind of situation has happened. I don’t normally have ideas where the concept just sort of gets vomited out in a weird detailed state. But after a late af night at work apparently that was what had to happen and I ended up scribbling notes for that for like five hours into some stupid time at night/morning.

Honestly, prob some part of me had been low key preparing for that to happen. I’ve been toying with the idea of doing a thing involving multiple fantasy races (main novel isn’t about that) and then when I hit D&D that basically unclogged a bunch of concepts that had previously been mushing together and they sort of exploded out in a much more articulate way than originally planned. I can see pieces of what I’d been vaguely considering before floating around.

And now I have to deal with it. :[

One of the parts I’ve been very D: about though is cast.

Let me tell you dudes, I actually talked to a dear friend who is a pro editor about writing and she gave me some advice I try to keep in mind. That advice was to not make such ungodly huge casts.

This isn’t because I can’t make solid characters with huge casts or stories can’t be told with huge casts. It’s because I’m a goddamn crazy person and whenever I try to set up a story I end up doing horrifyingly detailed levels of worldbuilding and literally with notes of like eight generations of personal ancestry and all the social circles of every single character and then when you have casts of like 60 people that goes into the sphere of hundreds of pages of OUTLINING and it’s hard to get started. Not even fucking exaggerating. My main novel I basically have two points of view (so I’d list main cast is like two people) and less than ten significant cast members because I know I’m like this and I deliberately looked at myself in the mirror and was like NO URBAN YOU NEED TO STOP.

This novel, the original main cast size I had in mind was going to be like nine. As in, the people traveling together having an adventure was going to be be nine. I would still have had to do all the “npc” types and make backstories and motives for their asses.

I realized at some point this was excessive and did that whole look-yourself-in-the-mirror thing and went DO YOU REALLY NEED A MAIN CAST OF NINE URBAN THAT SEEMS PRETTY EXCESSIVE, and so then proceeded to look at my cast and be like “DEFEND WHY THIS PERSON NEEDS TO EXIST AND IF YOU CANNOT THEN FUCK THEM”.

Basically, self-amputation is an important part of writing my friends. It really is.

So step one, there were a series of stern conversations with myself that amounted to “DO YOU REALLY NEED A SUBTERRANEAN HALF-ELF BARD URBAN?” “Well I mean I don’t know it might raise neat questions and I have so many guys in the cast and I’d like to balance things–” “DO YOU REALLY NEED A SUBTERRANEAN HALF-ELF BARD URBAN?” “… No, not really…” “SAY HASTA LA VISTA BABY” Then rinse and repeat with a bunch of other characters.

For the record, I try to do this same process when I go shopping too. It is not always successful but I do use it. In this case I was fortunate and I succeeded in whittling the main cast down to six members, which is still big but not obscenely big.

When I was younger, I used to use tv tropes as a guide to try and help myself figure things out not going to lie. As an older and more experienced writer lady I know that tv tropes does a lot of focusing on the superficial bits of writing but not so much the reasons for those superficial bits that actually let you do important structural work. Still, I did have a look back at cast calculus to see what those were in case it gave me an idea of how to approach the issue of making dynamics and fleshing out characters and doing the pacing with a situation like this.

The answer wasn’t there. But it did help me get my fucking head together, so credit where it is due.

TV tropes talks about five man band a lot, which is basically a structure of leader, person to direct foil the leader, someone intellectual in the group, someone physical in the group, and mediator of the group. It’s not actually said that nicely, they have some admin there being a royal turd focusing on “wah the mediator has to be a gurl” instead of character dynamics. Annoying and useless for storytellers but w/e. They also talk about how sometimes you get a sixth person tacked on and usually that person is an edgelord of some kind who reforms.

Superficial stuff, not that useful. But some person made a note that made me stop and just explained the whole goddamn thing for me clearly.

The sixth person usually acts as a second foil to the leader.

Huh.

So basically, shit’s like this. I’m pretty sure I heard at some point that humans are only really able of fully comprehending numbers up to 3 at a time. It’s not that you don’t know there are bigger numbers. But like picture a bunch of dots or something, they usually break into 1′s, 2′s, or 3′s. If you imagine four it’s like 2+2 or 1+3. If you imagine five it’s like 2+3 or 1+2+2 or something. Grain of salt me on this I am not a mathematician or a scientist, but I do remember hearing this is a thing.

If you look at the way cast calculus tries to break shit down on the tv tropes website, they follow this more or less. Duos you have person A and person B contrasting their qualities, they end up bouncing off each other and creating a balance. Trios you have person A and person B with that structure but then person C is also there and is a kind of mediator role. Id (impulsive and a bit selfish)/ego (aware of reality)/superego (morality or intellect) with ego as mediator if you wanna go old psych. With groups of five, the setup is leader/right hand (contrast), then mind/body (another form of contrast, doesn’t strictly need to be that probably but it is one), then mediator.

2+2+1, or you can attach the mediator to either group of two and have 3+2.

Huuuuuuh.

So six, though. What the fuck are you supposed to do with six?

3+3 my dudes, and 2+2+2. AND, if you aren’t gonna be lazy and shallow and just blindly mimic what people have done before without understanding it (disclaimer: I have in fact been lazy and shallow and blindly mimicked what people have done before without understanding it many, many times) you gotta be able to switch the party members in each subdivision and explain where they stand with the dynamic so you don’t have any redundant bits or hiccups and all the relationships read distinct.

So basically:

Character A

Character B

Character C

Character D

Character E

Character F

You gotta be able to explain:

ABC, DEF, AB, CD, EF first. Then ABD, CEF, AD, BE, CF, and so on.

Reasons larger casts get harder, you have more shit you have to figure out with fucking math. Cut corners at this and the risk of you having two characters who are basically the same person and have a boring nonsense dynamic you don’t know what to say about goes up.

But Urban (you say as my levels of insane analytical bullshit continue to climb), haven’t people figured this shit already??? A-Archetypes happened yeah, so theoretically some older and more mathematically/instinctively gifted storytellers in the past figured some shit out. Wasn’t there a thing about the sixth person being some kind of douchecanoe edgelord? Why not just go with that and pray it sticks?

See I figured that trick out my dudes. I figured it right out. The douchecanoe is a trick. Secretly, that douchecanoe has a hole and that hole is flooded with more math.

Why do you need a douchecanoe? Well, we said earlier–usually they show up and turn out to be a second foil to the leader. So you got leader, foil A, foil B. One is gonna be mediator (probably the leader) and then each of the others will be a pole of some kind. Id, ego, superego is one way of putting it but so is idk idealist, realist, cynic. You can go a lot of routes with this. For mine I have ends justify the means, ends never justify means, and maybe both sometimes depending on the situation. It’s all foiling. And depending on who you have in which position you will have greater or lesser levels of contrast or parallel going on. I could have ABC and DEF be id, ego, superego respectively but then I try ABD and in that setup D is ego/mediator compared to A and B or something.

Basically, you have a team who is mostly pretty heroic overall, the person jumping in being either a moral extremist in some ways or being extra impulsive about what they want is a way to increase the range of morality on the whole and offer more foiling opportunities. I'd like to say though that isn't the only way to do it. If you have an asshole teammate in a group of five and then send in a sixth person, that sixth person could stand out for being really decent too. It's basically about generating a big moral contrast, especially between the leader and their direct foil.

But what about shipping? Opposites attract is one thing but isn’t birds of a feather flock together also a thing? And isn't shipping is just another form of character dynamic? What the hell does that do to all this horrible math? The thing is, opposites attract and birds of a feather flock together always, by nature, have to be trends. Not absolutes. Otherwise you get selfcest or two people with nothing to bond or relate over at all. Practically aliens. Any contrast you create between characters must also parallel in some other way and vice versatile. And ye both still work. It's good general policy to always have some level of foiling AND some level of paralleling between each pair of cast members that is distinct.

Also, as a bonus--why do people think casts of four are tricky? Basically when you are doing groups of four every single character has to be equally foiled and paralleled by every other character in some way. The balance of similarity and difference is real precise and can be a little tricky to wing.

But yeah, seven and higher cast numbers scare the hell out of me especially since they don't break evenly into subgroups within human comprehension limits. I think it's still doable but Jesus.

[dandelliongirl]

Summer is here

and I’m living my best life. ♥

So my last post was from my birthday week literally two months ago! Whoops.. In my defense May was crazy busy.

So I celebrated my birthday with lots of friends. I went on a picnic on my birthday and to a restaurant and for a walk the day after. Me and my friend got to celebrate our combined 50th birthday (25+25) with pizzas and free dessert. My guy got me a glass nail file, some cute lingerie and a DVD of the first season of Miraculous Ladybug for my birthday! ♥

The week after my birthday we celebrated May Day at our place. We had three friends come over, we made doughnuts, talked, ate lots, played Captain is Dead and Spyfall. Spyfall was surprisingly fun and I was pretty good at it. I’m generally not good at games that require roleplaying, creativity and spontaneous storytelling but it was nice to be rewarded for going outside my comfort zone.

All of May was super busy with housing board meetings, last minute ballet rehearsals, lots of stuff to do at work, dance rehearsals for graduation, ballet recital and finally graduation weekend. On the 12th we had a mother’s day lunch with my mum, grandmum, grandpa and uncle at our summer house. They also got to see my new cottage that grandmum and grandpa have been such a big influence in designing and decorating.

The week of ballet recitals was really busy. I went on a work trip from 4am until 9pm and had my only dress rehearsal right after that. My guy’s sister came over and she’s had some big life changes happen to her lately so it took a while talking with her and catching up. I tried out an Abs & Booty class and a HIIT 45′ class that week since ballet classes ended and I ended up really liking the HIIT class. I mean - it was really painful and hard but that kind of made me really motivated to get better at it. I felt like I did so much more than I thought I could and really drove myself to my limits, so although it isn’t as fun as BodyCombat I still felt really motivated! Besides it’s only 45 minutes and a really effective workout. On Saturday me and my guy had graduation dance rehearsals from 12 to 3pm, and my ballet recital started at 3pm. I didn’t go on stage until before 4pm so I made it there well on time. It was pretty nerve racking to go on stage without a proper dress rehearsal since I had to skip the morning sesh, but nothing awful happened and all went well. On Sunday I had two more recitals at 3pm and 6pm. The weather was amazing and I felt really sad staying inside all weekend though.. Especially since the next week was pretty rainy and cold.

The last weekend of May was filled with graduation. Friday morning started with the last dance rehearsal for the dinner ball. Then we rehearsed the actual confermement ceremony. I got out at 3 and starting at 5:30 pm me and mum went to the garland weaving ceremony and dinner. Mum made my garland for me and we had tons of fun at the ceremony. The food was really good as well, and having mum weave my garland for me felt really special. She can now say she made both the graduate and her garland. ♥ ♥ After the garland weaving I went with mum to spend the night at home. I got barely any sleep at all because I was so nervous I’d oversleep and/or screw something up at the confermement ceremony.

On Saturday morning I got dressed and put on my makeup at home. My stomach was incredibly upset and I even lost some weight just from having such a bad nervous stomach. My skirt felt like it was falling off of me. I had to be at the university by 11:15 am and the ceremony started at 12 with a procession into the hall. We had to unpin our garlands from our jackets and walk on stage to have the garland put on our heads and our rings touched before bowing to the professor, turning around and bowing to the principal and walking off the stage. It was really scary but nobody tripped. A few of the doctors almost had their hats fall off when they bowed but other than that it went off without a hitch. There were about 100 masters and 100 doctors though so the whole ceremony took a good 3 hours. Grandmum came to watch me graduate, which was really special. ♥ After the ceremony we were supposed to have a procession to the city church but the weather was pretty rainy and so we had a bus drive people there. I stayed at the uni main building to take graduation photos with my family and grandmum. Dad’s friend, who’s a photographer by profession, took my photos and they turned out really nice. Especially the pictures with my family and grandmum. ♥ I can’t wait to have them printed out.

I was done with the photoshoot around 5 pm and came to the apartment to get changed and eat a bit. Me and my guy went to the dinner dance at 6 pm to get our photo taken and settle down for dinner. It was a really formal dinner with lots of scary etiquette and several utensils for different dishes and I felt really awkward because our table was also a pretty quiet one but we had an enjoyable evening nonetheless. There were a lot of speeches, a really cute poem and some pretty decent food. Obviously dad would’ve made better food but that was fine. At 11pm it was time for the dance. It went pretty well considering people had had some alcohol by that time and we never rehearsed at the actual venue. The photographer came and messed up my guy’s steps a couple of times since we were in the front row, but other than that we did pretty well! Later on they carried a lot of important people on a carrying chair and the doctors formed a guard of honor with their swords that the professor went through. It was all very special and traditional and we stayed up all the way until the speech for the rising sun at 2 am. Then we walked home and I was glad I took my running shoes with me since I had been wearing the same heels since 10am that day. It was quite the weekend and I can’t believe how some people managed to attend Sunday’s cruise, lunch and the after party because I was completely wrecked from just two days of festivities. Also the sleep deprivation from that weekend meant that I was pretty much out of it the entire following week. I’m glad I took a day off on the 31st so that I got a 4 day weekend the next week.

We had a swelteringly hot last few days of May and beginning of June. On the 30th me and my friend both escaped work early to go on our traditional spring picnic and it was +30 degrees Celsius outside. On the 1st of June I watched two movies (Pretty Woman and Bridget Jones’s baby) with my friend from kindergarten. It was so good to see her again and hear about her busy summer plans. Her boyfriend applied for sports biology at the uni and it’s an insanely hard field to get accepted into with all the physical entrance exams, so he spent the entire evening exercising. Keeping my fingers crossed for him!

The next weekend my guy drove me to granny’s place on his way to work. I spent the day with grandmum helping her out with various little tasks and talking a lot. In the afternoon we picked up my childhood bed from my uncle’s storage and drove it to my cottage to be put together as a sofa and two extra guest beds. We missed 3 parts of the edges that have been lost somewhere but otherwise all parts were there and mum and i put the bed together over the weekend. I love having pretty much all my childhood room furniture in the new cottage. It’s been even more emotionally important than I ever thought since my room back home has been renovated and looks nothing like it did back when I lived there. I’ve gotten a piece of my childhood back and I wouldn’t change it! It’s perfect and I love my cottage more than almost anything else in the world. I’m already dreading autumn and the upcoming winter... I want to spend every waking minute at our summer house to get the most out of this summer. ☼

So holy wow - E3 and Nintendo Direct happened. At first I had the same reaction as a lot of the Animal Crossing fandom did with the trailer for New Horizons dropped. First of all I’m not in love with the whole island idea for a game that’s called Animal Forest. Secondly, I really don’t like how muted and blown out the textures on some of the items and terrain look compared to New Leaf. Also I’m still not sure about the whole paywall of Nintendo Online.. Also crafting and the Nook miles thingy seem really iffy as gameplay mechanics.. It really depends on the way they execute online and if a paid subscription is required to use any online features or not if I want to buy the game (and a whole ass console for it) in March. A lot of my concern for how I’m going to live through next winter was brushed aside with “At least I have Animal Crossing Switch to look forward to”, and not for a moment do I believe Doug Bowser’s excuse of “we don’t overwork our devs at Nintendo” and “we believe in a good work life balance for our workers”. Hello?!? Nintendo is a Japanese company and I really doubt it’s 100% because of localisation in the Treehouse team that the game has been delayed.. Anyway a 3 month wait isn’t really a big deal and it’s not like I didn’t see it coming. It’s still disappointing though, but I hope those 3 months help the team add some contrast and texture to the game because DAMN... Fingers (and animals) crossed.

On the 15th of June me and dad made a most important purchase. We split the cost of a 300€ SUP board for the summer house and I haven’t regretted a single cent of that price. I’ve spent literal hours standing, sitting and laying on the board, exploring the lake and even doing planks and downward dogs on it. There aren’t many things I love more in this world than SUP boarding.. ♥ ☼ Dad made his first fish, crepes and paella on our new barbeque/firepit and we got to enjoy some delicious food. I also bought my first set of Sylvanian Families (Calico Critters for the US I think?) toys and furniture. I’ve wanted some for years but couldn’t justify buying any because I had no space to store them in. Now that my childhood dream has come true with the new cottage I decided I’d finally start my own dollhouse collection over there with Sylvanian families. I bought a second hand house for them and borrowed some furniture from my boyfriend’s sister’s dollhouse. I can’t wait to take them over to the cottage!

Last Monday the student services at my uni took a summer trip to a national park. We took a bus to a little port, a boat where we had some fish soup and then we went on a hike on top of a mountain to a viewing spot. There were a ton of mosquitoes there so my hamstings looked like a pincushion after the trek but the weather was hot, the sun was shining and I enjoyed the exercise. We had some food back at the campsite and some brave souls took a dip in the lake. Then we took the boat back and drove to town. I pretty much slept on the bus because I was exhausted from all the food and fresh air. It was midsummer week so we only had Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday to work.

I’m glad I got a 3 day weekend, because I got to drive over to our summer house early on Thursday and spend the evening on the SUP board. I even swam for the first time this summer since it was such a hot day. ☼ I can’t remember the last time I’ve swam before midsummer! Dad made pizzas on the barbeque, my guy came over after work, we went to the sauna and spent the night in my little cottage. On Friday we had breakfast at my summer house and then drove over to his summer house to see his extended family. We spent the day making doughnuts, I raided (and cleaned up) my guy’s sister’s dollhouse, we had some quality time with my guy’s cousins and their partners, raised the flag for midsummer, went to the sauna, swam, started a midsummer bonfire and went to bed at 11-ish to drive to my friend’s wedding on Saturday. We started off after 6am so we got very little sleep.

The wedding was nice. We drove over with a friend and after a lot of searching for an actual gas station with bathrooms we managed to find a campsite/nature trail place with changing rooms, saunas and bathrooms to get changed in. The wedding took place in a fortress on an island so we had to be at the harbor an hour before the actual wedding. We had plenty of time to take a ferry, buy a quick snack and eat it on our way to the church. The ceremony was short and sweet, and after the ceremony we walked over to the venue. It was a cute rustic tile basement used originally for storing gunpowder. It was really nicely decorated with fairy lights and they had a super cute recycling/eco/nature theme going on (partially because transporting actual dinnerware on an island would be really hard and they were on a budget). It was a really sweet and cute wedding and much better than the previous one I went to. Still, I would’ve loved to know a bit more about the guests there as well as the couple since I basically don’t know the husband at all. There were a lot of things I would’ve done differently, and having been to two weddings now it increasingly looks like I would never want to bother organising one. It seems like so much work for one day, and people aren’t even going to enjoy themselves a whole lot... I would really want to involve my family and friends in the planning and the actual celebration, have lots of activities and take friends into consideration more as they know none of the relatives there.. Anyway right now it doesn’t look like I’ll ever get married - or that I’d even want to. Regardless it was really nice to get to be a part of my friend’s special day and I wish her the best. ♥ We drove back the same night with one stop for dinner on the way. I was back home at 1 am and in bed around 2 am. Sunday was spent shopping for groceries, napping, cooking and recovering from the midsummer festivities.

In the spirit of my return to childhood I started rewatching H2O Just Add Water for the first time in years. I love how it brings me back to being a preteen, waking up in the summer mornings to watch TV and spending endless vacation days swimming and hanging out with dad at home. It makes it truly seem like summer and like I’m on vacation even though I’m at work.

Work is really busy and we’re under a lot of pressure right now with people going on holidays and sending millions of emails and support requests daily. I don’t mind it too much, I’ve reached a chill place of “this is just work and I do what I can without compromising my freetime and wellbeing” and I’ve learned to let a lot of things go. I’m excited to see where we’ll be at on the 1st of August when everything should be ready to go with the new data system. Right now it looks pretty bad but we don’t want our end users to know that. Heh. I’m starting my holidays in pretty much exactly two weeks and my colleague and boss are starting theirs tomorrow. I’m excited to have a chill few weeks by myself. I’m also really looking forward to going on a road trip with my guy to hopefully go buy more stuff for my Sylvanian chocolate bunny family! I have so many things to look forward to this summer.. ☼ ♥ I just hope the weather stays nice so I can get a lot more swimming and SUP boarding in before autumn comes. I need full batteries to survive the winter.

I went rollerblading with dad today for the first time this summer and it was a lot of fun! I can’t wait to do more of that. My guy came home since he has a day off tomorrow and had Kendo practise tonight. I’m going to go edit some of the wedding photos so that I can share them with my friends and especially the bride. I’m hoping to stay more up to date with blogging now that life is more chill and I’m on the PC after work a bit more often. I won’t stress about it though, I just really like to record my life and thoughts every now and again, and I start feeling all scattered if I don’t do it for a while. Also I dislike these mega long posts because I always miss important details and it’s a whole ordeal that takes hours to write down. Anyway going to watch Mischa play Twilight Princess and edit photos. I just cried hearing the Wii start screen music for TP and realized what a truly lifechanging experience this game was for me, and how nothing else can really take it’s place. I’m excited to watch someone experience it for the first time. ♥

#personal #diary #June2019

[travelforone-blog]

Randers Bike Week 2017

It really never gets any easier, it actually just hurts more and more. Movie by yours truly, photos by: licenscykling.dk, lalafoto.dk, Melle Waldeck

HINT: First, watch the video above, get into the melacholic mood of green winter roadtripping and amateur road racing, then play the below album and read on ...

Pre-race

Trampen Slaget Vid Lund

Windy AF, with a finish climb, like 100km or so kantvind would DESTROY the peloton, so stay up front 2.5 laps meh, then just 5 places too far back and ... after jumping 3 gaps and getting stuck on the wrong side of the echolon for the whole megakantvind section ... dropped Chilled for a lap or so, chased down a Klubben Cyklisten dude, then Simon&co came riding by, I joined and we did the laps to the end, I dropped my little bunch in the last climb to get the small victory hehehe

Ringen Allians Sturup GP

Ride there for warmup, bla bla bla, start race, Emil goes and we do nothing for 8 laps while he's in a break with Per and some other dude Then I try some stuff, nothing, then Rikard is in break, I try something, nothing, then we sprint Riding home was more fun

Randers

Day 1 - Street race in Aars

Context

30 minutes on a 1.4km lap in town with a MONSTER COBBLED climb Look at it, look at it hard: https://goo.gl/maps/Ywa7WrgGdQw I am sure people get tired walking it for fucking sunday brunch, imagine going all out (yeah, it's a crit so ALL OUT) for about 15 times, into motvind ... mhm Plan: AAAAARRRTHGGGGHHHHH ONE CANNOT BONK IN 30 MINUTES

Race

AAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH 3 dudes go, H40, ok, chase AAAAAARRRGHHHHHHHHGHGHGH CHHAASEEE Time check - lap about 2.x minutes, ok, 15 laps AAAAAARRRGGGGGHH That goes on for about 4 laps Legs: KHM KHM Ok, ease off a bit Couple of dudes come round, I join They are going hard aaaaaarrrgggghhh For about 2 laps Legs: KHM KHM Ok, ease off even more, more dudes and Glenn come by Hold on for a lap or so get dropped on the climb GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER BREATHE, BREATHE, BREATHE FFS Ok, I got this, I got this REGAIN COMPOSURE, CHASE MODE ON Start gaining, we have like 7 minutes to go, I can catch a couple of guys Ok, the hill is not hurting that much puncture NOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK DNF

Fun facts

Cars met going the wrong way on the track: 1 I apparenlty do blowup after 3 laps at cca 350W Cobbles hurt, they also make you feel sorry for your bike That is until you hear A riders GO, then you feel sorry for their bikes

Day 2 - berglop

Context

7 laps of the most hilly lap danish races have seen (according to organizers, I believe them), 7 LAPS Plan - survive, zen for first 2 laps, see what we're dealing with, kittens and cake, kittens and cake, then ... whatver, finish

Race

We go, roads are soaking wet, water everywhere BANG PSSSS People are afraid of turning BANG PSSSSSS People are afraid of descending BANG PSSSSS First punchy climb, all good, legs good, reach top, people are already being dropped jump gaps, all good, maaaan, I GOT THIS, I FINALLY FEEL LIKE THIS IS THE DAY BANG PSSSSS Me? noooo, ufa, close one t t t t t t t WHAT t t t t t t t t THE t t t t t t t t t FUCK t t t t t t t t t PUNKA s s s s s s s s s s s s ssssssssssss Foljebil: do you have a wheel in the car? Me: ??????? WHHHAHAAAATTT TTHHHEEE ... no Foljebil: ok, bye Stop by the side of the road What should I throw? Bike? Naaaah, we know how that goes ... bottle? I already lost too many ... should I rip that sign out of the floor and throw it ... wait, no, smash it into the fence ... eh, messy and muddy ... maybe kick the fence, rip off the sign ... eh, I'm bored now, I hope it does not rain ... (5 min later) make hitchiking sign to passing cars (10 min later) Amager dude comes walking Yo, sup, punka? Yeah, same here ... so, is there a car? yeah, should be ... how's it going, ah, it's going ok ... (we catch up on gossip and transfers, differences in racing Seeland vs Jylland etc.) (10 min later) C and H40 comes by, no Glenn ... hmmmm ... Dropped group comes by, dude crashes in the corner, we comment on the action (10 min later) A tow truck with a flat bet shows up, Glenn and Rickad in the car, bikes in the back - YO, JUMP UP Throw the bikes on, jump in the back and OFF WE GO See the race from the reverse perspective until AB guys catch up and the dude starts flooring it on downhill to not get caught Does not look like a good day to die, with the punka and all ... Get to the finish, get funny looks from people You know, cos it's me, Glenn and Marcus in the back, whole fucking club ...

Fun facts

Rotweilers observed along the course, without a leash: 1 Times thought OMG WE'RE GONNA DIE: 2 Personal bests for: 30s, 1min, 2min

Day 3 - linjelop

Context

8 laps on what was supposed to be much flatter than berglop lap, but was still insanely hilly, like, INSANELLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU DENMARK???? Plan - at this point, just make it to the finish with the bunch

Race

Stay up front, stay up front NO MATTER WHAT STAY UP FRONT First climb: ugh First kantvind: uugh Second climb: Ugh Second kantvind: Ugh (did I mention, the lap is a combination of climbing and kantvind sections, always following the climb) Look back: fuck, we dropped everyone (it's like 15 of us) Third climb: UUUUUGHHHHHHHH (fuck I am breathing heavy, am I breathing heavy? dude in front of me looks back ... yeah, I am breathing heavy ...) Robert brings a bunch of people back Hej Glenn! Glenn: UGH Lap 2: PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT ATTACK IN THE CLIMBS and they attack in the climbs climb 2: dropped Also dropped on climb 2: Glenn and Richard Chasing group picks us up, we chase and we're back together by end of lap 2 Lap 3: PLEASE FOR T ... whatever, fuck you all Second climb: dropped MOTHER FUCKER Ride for a lap solo, get caught by 4 dropped guys, ride 2 more laps, get a puncture

Fun facts

Personal bests for: 5, 6, 12 min, HR all the way to 2 min

Day 4 - criterium

Context

11 laps on same track as day 3 but shorter and with a new climb (look at it, LOOK AT IT: https://goo.gl/maps/SpqdKYRZUGy), at the end, you get massive headwind, ... yeah, only in Jylland Plan: PLEASE JUST MAKE IT TO THE FINISHLINE

Race

Lap 1: All out sprint to climb, all out climb, all out attack in kantvind Lap 2: -||- Lap 3: ok, shit eases off a bit Lap 4: meh Lap 5: descending to the first climb, doing like 55 passing the polka dot jersey dude on the left as he closes the line and elbows me (literally, pushes me, as, uses force to dislocate me, not like Sagan magic elbow, proper push) into the grass off the road ... and I am like, ok, this is muddy, so my tire will dig in and ... oh, and there is some large stones there as well, ehh, goodbye .... wait, grass is not muddy, hop, back on the road. Ride up to the guy and politely as possible say: excuse me sir, that was a bit rude, please restrain your ... AHAHAHAH, #no: YOU DO THAT AGAIN AND YOU ARE FUCKING GOING DOWN YOU PIECE OF SHIT .... hold your ... DID YOU GET IT? ... line ... IT'S NOT YOUR LINE IF I'M ON IT ... Contemplate: do I have an aggression problem? Lap 6-10: some attacks, lungs are breathing heavier and heavier, I actually try and attack in the kantvind, Glenn does some solid work, anyhow, we're having fun, people are still pushing eachother around, good times, I try and pull/pace up the climb ... fun Lap 11 (last lap): I know they will attack, so I am up front going uphill, like 5th wheel or so, but then there is this dude, his handlebar keep bumping into my ass and I am like: ok, enough aggresion for today, I need some shelter anyhow so I move behind him WOOOOOP WRONG MOVE as they attack he opens gaps FUUUUCK NOOOOO ... .by the top I am dropped, 4 guys come by, I join, all I think is: hold that wheel, hold that wheel, just get the wheel, I love that wheel, that is my wheel, I LOVE YOU WHEEL ... never caught the bunch

Fun facts

By this time racing without velotooze seems weird, like REALLY weird

These help me do what I love, go pay them a visit: Musette 184 RACEDAY