#but Non Binary as an umbrella term includes every gender outside the binary. so in terms of discussion and stuff

[dogin8]

Post where I explain what Non Binary means to "It's just the third gender" people by using maths notation

our sets:

B (for Binary)

NB (for Non-Binary)

B = {0,1} which means, the set B is made up of the numbers 1 and 0

now some people think NB = {0.5} or NB = {2} but neither of these are wholly true

NB = {C U R\B} which means, the set NB is made up of every Complex number And every Real number (these two together means basically: every possible value in maths) EXCEPT for numbers in set B

So that means, NB includes EVERYTHING other than 1 and 0. which means 0.5 is included, and 2 is included, but so is 0.9 and 500000 and -π and 12i and e. Non-Binary doesn't refer to one specific gender, it refers to Everything outside of and between the binary which is literally infinite values.

If you wanted to be REAL thorough as well you could say

NB = {C U R/B, (C U R, C U R), (C U R, C U R, C U R), (C U R, C U R, C U R, C U R) (then continue filling brackets with an increasing number of C U R to infinit)}

which means that NB is everything outside the binary AND any pair of two numbers, any group of three numbers, any group of four numbers etc to infinity. This is the best way I could think to display people who identify with multiple genders at once through math notation.

But, my favourite thing about all this is that if you want to be a real math nerd about stuff, you could start just saying "\B" cause that's the most basic form of notation for "Not in set B" "Not in Binary" "Non-binary"

#This post is brought to you by my seasonal interest in maths #But yeah so to fully clarify. some people identify with 'Non Binary' as their gender. this is valid and real #but Non Binary as an umbrella term includes every gender outside the binary. so in terms of discussion and stuff #some people reduce 'non binary people' to a demographic as if it's like. one gender shared among everyone #but like non binary includes so many unique distinct labels #and so many complicated obscure experiences that are so different for so many people #and I'm interested in maths and i thought this was a good way of explaining that #like there are Infinite numbers between 0 and 1 (infinite different identities between the binary genders) #but there are also infinite numbers Outside of the binary above and below #and there are ALSO infinite numbers on a completely seperate AXIS if you consider complex numbers #and there are also GROUPS of numbers if you consider multi gender people #I love numbers and i love gender #if this post is bad takes btw pls lmk I've not thought everything though fully I'm mostly just enjoying maths

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Hi, as someone who has PCOS (I think it's not usually considered intersex but idk it sure does feel that way to me), I am so fucking happy intersex people were included in your response in the bisexuality post. For the longest time, I never considered anyone would be attracted to me simply as I am, because I don't quite fit in either category. (This is outside gender integrity where I also don't fit in either category; I'm talking specifically about, for the lack of a better term, "being way hairier than an afab body, even of someone body-positive, is conventionally expected to be"). It was a huge (and welcome) relief for me when I realized other people can be attracted to non-binary-presenting people.

I believe the debate is ongoing about the inclusion of PCOS as an intersex condition, so my understanding is that the current consensus is "If you have it and consider yourself intersex, you are intersex." As ever, happy to be corrected! But that's what I've seen intersex discussion on the topic say, anyway.

However - of course! The fun thing about sexuality is that it's a vast and multifaceted and ever-shifting thing with infinite variations; how wonderful, then, that human beings come in vast and multifaceted and ever-shifting genders with infinite variations. It's so very hard when you fall outside of whatever your culture has decided is the ideal range, and so you never see yourself and your characteristics held up as attractive. But the fact is, for every single person who exists on this earth, regardless of what they look like, there are hundreds and thousands of other people for whom that one person is the hottest human being who ever lived. For a great many people, non-binary and intersex presentations and bodies are fit as fuck. And that's definitely included under the bisexual umbrella.

Anyway, thank you for stopping by! Have a great day

#asks #lgbtq issues

[duckprintspress]

Get to Know AETHER BEYOND THE BINARY

We are only ONE WEEK away from the launch of the Kickstarter campaign for Duck Prints Press’s sixth anthology, AETHER BEYOND THE BINARY.

What would the Earth look like if the very atoms that compose the planet were suffused with magical aether? How would our lives in the modern world be different if this aether was discovered last year, or last decade, or last century, or last millennia? How might the people who inhabit this very different but still modern Earth explore their gender identities? These are the questions we posed to the 17 authors chosen to contribute to Duck Prints Press’s newest anthology Aether Beyond the Binary. Their diverse answers are bound together in this must-not-miss collection of stories about magical worlds, adventures and mysteries, new chances and well-earned endings, and characters as gender-diverse as the worlds they inhabit. 

What is aetherpunk? Imagine a world where there’s technology not unlike what we have in the modern world, except that instead of that technology operating using the principles that we, now, would call “science,” that technology operates using magic! That’s aetherpunk—the awesome union of technology and complex magical systems in magic-filled worlds to produce unique settings that resemble modern-day Earth but are also very, very different. With aetherpunk stories, the impossible becomes possible, and new solutions to the world’s problems become available! You can learn more about the history of aetherpunk and what aetherpunk is in this blog post!

What is a character outside the gender binary? The gender binary consists of the two most common genders: male and female. Most people, whether they are cisgender or transgender, fall within this binary. Nonetheless, gender is a spectrum, and there are many gender identities that are outside, between, among, or combinations of cis and trans, male and female. One umbrella term for these identities is non-binary, and specific identities include agender (like our lead editor!), genderfluid, bigender, demigender, pangender, and x gender. Every story in Aether Beyond the Binary features at least one non-binary main character, and many stories utilize neopronouns.

The core concept of Aether Beyond the Binary is simple and compelling: create intriguing main characters outside the gender binary and set them loose to explore the modern world twisted or unchanged, enhanced or destroyed by magical aether.

We have been working on this project for over a year, and are so excited to finally be bringing it to y’all. We launch on December 26th, with a funding goal of $14,250.

Follow our Kickstarter pre-launch page TODAY and make sure you’re among the first to get notified when this super-cool, innovative anthology becomes available!

Love what we do? Want to get an awesome, exclusive bonus merch item when you back this campaign? Become a backer on our Patreon, support Duck Prints Press year-round, and get awesome stuff!

#duck prints press #aether beyond the binary

[sadistic-softie]

Out of boredom...Pride flag post

Every LGBTQ+ flag I fall under including umbrella terms and some alternate designs for flags with the exception of the community encompassing flags such as the rainbow flag along with definitions of the flags meanings and source links for more information.

^Demiromantic

"...people who do not experience romantic attraction until they have formed a deep emotional connection with someone..." -LGBTQIA+ Wiki

https://lgbtqia.fandom.com/wiki/Demiromantic

^Omniromantic

"...romantically attracted to all genders, with gender playing a role in the attraction"..."similar to panromantic, with the main difference that panromantic people are attracted to others regardless of their gender, whereas omniromantic people are attracted to the gender." -Taimi

https://taimi.com/wiki/omniromantic-what-is-it-what-does-it-mean

^Alternate Omniromantic flag

(I couldn't find the regular version of this flag, so it's abstract)

^Omniflux (I particularly identify with the romantic aspect of this)

"...sexual and/or romantic attraction to all genders with varying intensity." -LGBTQIA+ Wiki

https://www.lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/Omniflux#:~:text=The%20omniflux%20flag%20Omniflux%2C%20omnisexualflux,all%20genders%20with%20varying%20intensity.

^Polysexual

(Definition shortened from Oxford Languages): Attracted to more than one gender.

^Polyamourous

"...a form of ethical, or consensual, non-monogamy that involves having romantic or sexual relationships with multiple partners at the same time." -Healthline

https://www.healthline.com/health/relationships/polyamorous#:~:text=What%20does%20being%20polyamorous%20mean,partners%20at%20the%20same%20time.

^Alternative polyamoury flag

^Alternative polyamoury flag part two

^Pansexual

(Definition shortened from Oxford Languages): sexually  attracted to people regardless of their sex or gender.

^Transgender

(Definition shortened from Oxford Languages): denoting or relating to a person whose gender identity does not correspond with the sex registered for them at birth.

^Nonbinary

"...describes those whose gender identity falls outside of the gender binary." -Healthline

https://www.healthline.com/health/nonbinary

^Genderfluid

"Genderfluid individuals have different gender identities at different times" -Nonbinary Wiki

https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Genderfluid

^Polygender

"...one experiences multiple gender identities, either simultaneously or varying between them..." -Gender Wiki

https://gender.fandom.com/wiki/Polygender

================================================

List of contents of flags in order: Demiromantic, two omniromantic flags, omniflux, polysexual, three polyamoury flags, pansexual, transgender, nonbinary, genderfluid, polygender.

To go on a mini tangent, I hate how complicated my gender is. Like, I could have been born cis, but NOOOOO, I HAD to have, like, seven fucking genders and they fucking keep "taking turns" for lack of better word. Like, WHY??? I've been doomed to inevitable gender dysphoria.

#lgbtq community #lgbtqia #lgbtq #lgbt pride #pride #trans pride #lgbt #nonbinary #pride flags #demiromantic #umbrella term #acespec #omniromantic #alternative flag #polysexual #polyamourous #polyamourus pride #pansexual #transgender #non bianry #genderfluid #gender nonconforming #polygender #mini rant #my flags #gender dysphoria #omniflux #pride flag #information #informative

[maryfaery]

In an effort to share knowledge b/c, say it with me, folks: ~*Knowledge Is Power!*~ (I said it w/ a sorta Captain Planet/He-Man energy, personally), here is what Non-binary IS: . 💜 The definition of the word "Non-binary" means not.. binary.. meaning not JUST one or the other. That would be the word "Binary." 💛 Non-binary is an umbrella term for people whose gender identity doesn’t sit comfortably with ‘man’ or ‘woman’ or they do not *FEEL* solely as one of those two genders. These identities can fall outside the man/woman dichotomy, or may be more specific. 🤍 Non-binary identities are varied and can include people who identify with some aspects of binary identities, while others reject them entirely. For example if a person DOES identify their gender, they do not neatly follow the *binary* of man/woman. 🖤 Non-binary people can *FEEL* that their gender identity and gender experience involves being both a man & a woman, that it is fluid, in between, or completely outside that of binary. 💜 Non-binary people might feel that "gender binary" identification makes one feel pigeonholed, and don’t want to identify with it . After yrs of research & trying to find myself (& hopefully continue to explore & evolve the self), I feel currently that She/They fits me most accurately. I didn't/don't feel it was necessarily wrong when people labelled me as She, sometimes it would feel weird though. I wasn't taught much stereotypical femininity, I took after my Dad a lot too, & was even dissuaded to explore my femininity. (Sent to an all-girls Catholic school & being slut-shamed just for having breasts you didn't ask for didn't help too much). I vacillated, fluid, and felt dysmorphia. It made me feel pigeonholed & it didn't seem to encompass me enough. I felt it narrowed me down and even was some peoples' attempts to gatekeep, whether knowingly or not. So why #Robot #Faery #Drag with a half blue half pink wig? Well as an artist & costume maker my #BabysFirstDrag freed me to use my body as a canvas for my art to express every aspect of myself, my struggles with my self-identity & my journey so far. Let's go into that and some myths next post! 🧚‍♀️🌈 #nonbinary #HappyPride https://www.instagram.com/p/CefGLb5rGuY/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#robot #faery #drag #babysfirstdrag #nonbinary #happypride

[gnc-culture-is]

hey there!

im not quite familiar with all the genders and sexualities, so if its not too much, could you briefly tell me about a few ?

thanks sooo muchh

ofc!

The best place to start is probably the LGBTQIA+ acronym!

The L stands for Lesbian! which is a queer attraction to women.

Some examples are (not limited to!) wlw, nblw, nblnb

A good source on Lesbianism (https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Lesbian)

The G stands for Gay! which is an attraction towards the same gender. While this was primarily used for Gay Men (mlm, nblm, nblnb) it is not necessarily limited to that group of individuals. It’s considered an umbrella term for non-straight people.

A good source on the Gay label (https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Gay)

The B stands for Bisexual! which is an attraction to two or more genders. Bisexual attraction includes non-binary genders. Bisexuals may or may not have a preference. Every Bisexual experiences Bisexuality differently.

A good source on Bisexuality (https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Bisexual)

The T stands for Transgender! which is a term the refers to an individual whose gender identity does not correspond with their assigned gender at birth (AGAB). Transgender can be seen as an identity on its own but it is also an umbrella term for those whose AGAB doesn’t aline with their gender identity.

A good source on Transgenderism (https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Transgender)

The Q stands for Queer! which is an identity and umbrella term. A Queer person would fall outside of the societal norms of gender and sexuality. It is also an umbrella term for those in the LGBTQIA+ community, although not all LGBTQIA+ individuals identify as Queer)

A good source on Queerness (https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Queer)

The I stands for Intersex! which is a term for individuals who are born with physical sex characteristics that can not be formally categorised as male or female. Intersex does not describe one body type, it’s an umbrella term for a broad range of variations and traits. Intersex is not an identity, it is something someone is born as.

A good source on Intersex (https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Intersex)

The A stands for Asexual! which is a sexual orientation that is defined by one's lack of sexual attraction. However, Asexuality is not something that is constricted. Asexuality is a spectrum that has many different Acespec identities within that spectrum. No Ace person experienced Asexuality the same.

A good source for Asexuality (https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Asexual)

Those are the identities that are in the main acronym! If you have any questions feel free to reach out to us :)

#definitions #LGBTQIA+ #sorta gnc culture #Mod jack

[whatdoyouwanttobecalled-1]

I've been seeing a lot of posts about this all over social media, and while the majority of them are fine and just people expressing their opinions, a lot of people from both sides of the argument have been saying some really inexcusable stuff (such as telling people on the opposing side to off themselves, etc) and it's really pissing me off. Pls everyone idc if you agree w me or not but at least try to be mature and respectful when engaging in these conversations bc the goal is learning, understanding, tolerance, and cooperation (working together to find solutions to problems that will benefit all of us). So here's my stance on the issue, and feel free to reply, ask questions, or dm me and start a conversation regardless of your veiws. Just be nice! Here's my opinions, based off my own personal experience:

To start off: pansexuality is not inherently biphobic and/or transphobic

Yes, there are pansexuals who are biphobic, and yes they harm the transgender community in that sense. This is because generally pansexuals who are biphobic say they bisexuals are transphobic and essentially invalidate binary trans people's identity as a man or woman by saying that bisexuals are only attracted to cis men and cis women, not trans people. However, the majority of pansexual people do not think this way. Personally (and most of the pansexuals as talked to agree w me), I do not believe that bisexuality is transphobic. Why? Trans women are women, and trans men are men. If you will not date a trans person simply bc they are trans, then you're transphobic, but that has absolutely nothing to do w your sexuality. My own and most people's understanding of bisexuality (and the definition you get if you Google it, and the definition that most bisexuals will give you), is that bisexuality means attraction to 2 or more genders (which yes, could mean all), with a preference. With. A. Preference. I identified as bi to myself for years, and came out as bi for almost a year, never feeling as if the label fully fit me or that I was fully understood by the community bc there is always sm emphasis on the fact that bisexuals have a preference, while I never have. I don't think anyone is less than anyone else for having a preference, or better than anyone else for not having a preference. Pansexuality simply allows me to be apart of a smaller more specific community that fully understands my experience w attraction. I also know that bisexuality can be used as an umbrella term for anyone attracted to 2+ genders, but in the same way that it's not biphobic for lesbians to prefer to date other lesbians bc of their shared experience, I like having a smaller community that specifically experiences attraction in the same way that I do. I've also seen a lot of people talking about how people seem to think that bisexuals only care about sex, and that pansexuals think theyre better bc they're uwu innocent babies. I'm not entirely sure I'm not on the ace spectrum somewhere but lemme tell you that does not make me any less of a whore. No one is better than anyone else for how much or little they think about or enjoy sex.

2nd; bisexuality is not inherently transphobic.

Yes, there are bisexuals who are transphobic, but this is not the majority of the community. Most bi people consider trans women to be real women (which they are) and trans men to be real men (which they are). I will say it again; if you won't date someone just bc they're trans, you are transphobic, but that has nothing to do w your sexuality. As for non binary people, yes, bisexuality includes them too. Bisexuality is not inherently transphobic.

3rd; all mspec labels are fucking valid.

Whether you identify as bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, or polysexual, you are valid. You can use bisexuality as an umbrella term if that's what you're most comfortable w, or if the definition perfectly describes your relationship w attraction then that's cool too. If you feel that pansexuality, omnisexuality, or polysexuality better describes you and you enjoy having a smaller more specific community to fully relate to, guess what, that's also cool. No one is better than anyone else, and while there are members of every community who feel that they are, they do not represent everyone.

4th; panphobia/omniphobia/polyphobia only comes from the mspec community, if it comes from outside, it's probably biphobia

Let me explain; there is no problem that comes from people who are not attracted to multiple genders that everyone on this spectrum doesn't face. Bisexuality is a spectrum that we all fall on, an umbrella term that we all fit under. This means that unless it's coming from a person or group on this spectrum, it's probably biphobia you're facing. There are 2 types of biphobia: the biphobia that comes from mspecs, and the biphobia that comes from people who aren't on the spectrum of bisexuality. The biphobia that comes from inside is only against people who identify as bisexual, and the biphobia that comes from outside is against anyone who is attracted to multiple genders. I'm not saying there aren't a few instances of people who arent mspec targeting a specific group and not every mspec identity, but most of the time, if it's from the outside, it's classified as biphobia, bc that includes all of us.

In conclusion, this is what the mspec sexualities are and some of my final thoughts;

Bisexuality = attraction to 2+ genders with or without a preference. It can be used as an umbrella term by the whole mspec community, or as a specific label on it's own. It includes trans and non binary people, and is not a transphobic label. There are transphobic bisexuals, but the fact that they are transphobic and the fact that they are bisexual are not related in any way. They are not more or less than any other mspec identity, or sexuality in general.

Pansexuality = attraction to all genders without a preference. It is not biphobic and/or transphobic. There are biphobic and/or transphobic pansexuals but the fact that they are biphobic and/or transphobic is not related to their pansexuality. Many people who identify as bisexual describe their attraction in the same way as pansexuals. This is 100% valid as bisexuality can be used as an umbrella term and the label you identify w is all about your comfort. They are not more or less than any other mspec identity or sexuality in general.

Omnisexuality = attraction to all genders w a preference. It is not biphobic and/or transphobic. There are biphobic and/or transphobic omnisexuals but the fact that they are biphobic and/or transphobic is not related to their omnisexuality. Many people who identify as bisexual describe their attraction in the same way as omnisexuals. This is 100% valid as bisexuality can be used as an umbrella term and the label you identify w is all about your comfort. They are not more or less than any other mspec identity or sexuality in general.

Polysexuality = attraction to more than 2, but not all genders. It is not biphobic and/or transphobic. There are biphobic and/or transphobic polysexuals but the fact that they are biphobic and/or transphobic is not related to their polysexuality. Many people who identify as bisexual describe their attraction in the same way as polysexuals. This is 100% valid as bisexuality can be used as an umbrella term and the label you identify w is all about your comfort. They are not more or less than any other mspec identity or sexuality in general.

Honestly, I think we all get enough hate from inside and outside the lgbtqia+ community and we need to stick together and have each others backs. It's not the microlabels that are causing problems, it's the exclusionists. Invalidating eo's experiences and saying that biphobia is a bigger problem, panphobia is a bigger problem, omniphobia is a bigger problem, or polyphobia is a bigger problem, isn't gonna help anyone or solve anything. We can have slightly different experiences and still relate and support eo. Also, even if you have a problem w a specific label, pls just ask your questions genuinely, and try to understand the opposing side. Just have a mature conversation. If you're too young or immature to do that then you probably shouldn't be on social media. Calling eo names and telling eo to off ourselves isn't helping anything and there is no excuse for it. I've always loved the lgbtqia+ community for it's love and acceptance, but the more active I become within the community itself, the more I realise how toxic it can be. Sometimes I'm genuinely embarrassed to part of this community. Especially when it's grown adults acting like children that is causing the problems. Pls do better. Thank you for your time, thank you for reading, I love you, have a nice day!!!

Also I just want to add that ik there are more mspec identities than this, and you're all so valid. These are just the sexualities that ik enough about to give a proper statement on and the ones I've seen mentioned in this discourse the most. I'm actively trying to learn more about the mspec identities I mentioned, and those that I didn't. Pls feel free to give me any info on any sexuality (doesn't even have to be mspec I just want to learn more so I can be good ally for everyone), or ask me any questions about my own sexuality, and pls let me know if there is anything I should add or any misinformation in this post (I will not be including blatant blankphobia against any mspec identity so don't even try it bitches)

#mspec #bi/pan solidarity #pan positivity #pan pride #pansexuality #bisexuality #polysexuality #biromantic #omniromantic #polyromantic #pansexual #bisexual #omnisexual #polysexual #biphobes fuck off #biphopia #biphobic #fuck panphobes #panphobic #panphobia #omnisexuality #omniphobia #omniphobic #polyphobia #polyphonic #fuck off #grow up #anti pan #pan discourse #panromantic

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

Genderfluid, Genderflux and Nonbinary Identities

This is by no means a list of every identity ever, just some terms I wanted to compile into a list!

Note: All the definitions, if you click on them, are a link to an LGBT wiki page which will explain the identity in more detail.

Note 2: I am NOT AN EXPERT. I’m a genderqueer trans guy, and I don’t identify with most of these identities, this is just my understanding from the research I’ve done. Please correct me if I’ve said something inaccurate

GENERAL IDENTITIES

Nonbinary - A gender which does not fit the male/female binary, or a disconnect from the binary. This disconnect can be different for each person, so even if you’re slightly male or female, but feel a disconnect from the binary, you can still be nonbinary!

Genderqueer - An umbrella term with a similar meaning to non-binary. It can be used to describe a queer or non-normative experience with their gender. It can also be used to describe any gender identities other than man and woman, thus outside of the gender binary.

Agender - Entirely lacking a gender or complete genderlessness. It falls under the non-binary umbrella in which one is not male, female, or any other gender.

Genderfluid - Gender changes over time. Their gender can change at random or it may vary in response to different circumstances. One's gender can change over the course of hours, days, weeks, months, or years. Some genderfluid people can be fluid between all genders, or a large amount of genders. Other genderfluid people are fluid between a small handful of genders.

Genderflux - An umbrella term for gender identities in which the gender’s intensity varies over time. So genderfluid is when the gender changes, genderflux is when the intensity of the gender changes.

Genderflor - A form of genderfluidity that never encompasses masculine or feminine genders. Fluidity between any range of non-binary genders, unaligned genders, and genderlessness, but never binary man or woman or connection to masculinity or femininity.

Genderfloren - Never binary man or woman, but fluidity between nonbinary, masculine but never male, and feminine but never female genders.

Fluidflux - A gender that moves between two or more genders and also fluctuates in intensity. Sometimes described as the combination of both genderfluid and genderflux identities.

Nonbinaryflux -  A nonbinaryflux individual can fluctuate from any nonbinary gender to and from male and female.

Agenderflux - A subset of genderflux where an individual feels no particular connection with any gender (agender) as well as fluctuating between having masculine and feminine gender identity.

FEMININE IDENTITIES

Genderfae - A form of gender fluidity between female, feminine and nonbinary genders, or fluidity between all genders that are not masculine.

Genderfaer - A form of gender fluidity between female, feminine, nonbinary and masculine genders, but never feels 100% male. Fluid between all genders except fully male

Girlflux - Girlflux is a gender identity in which a person can experience varying degrees of femaleness. For example, one could feel 0% (agender), 50% (demigirl), 100% (woman). The intensity can fluctuate over any period of time.

Girlflux is a form of genderfluidity and a subset of genderflux which is a term used to describe any person’s gender idenity fluctuating. Girlflux is a specific gender identity off of genderflux, but can be any binary or nonbinary gender.

Demigirl - A gender identity describing someone who partially, but not fully, identifies as a girl. So one half of their gender might be female, and another nonbinary/agender/ something else.

MASCULINE IDENTITIES

Genderfaun - A form of gender fluidity between male, masculine and nonbinary genders, or fluidity between all genders that are not feminine.

Genderfaunet - A form of gender fluidity between male, masculine, nonbinary and feminine genders, but never 100% female. Fluid between all genders except fully female

Boyflux - Boyflux is a gender identity in which a person can experience varying degrees of maleness. For example, one could feel 0% (agender), 50% (demiboy), 100% (man). The intensity can fluctuate over any period of time.

Boyflux is a form of genderfluidity and a subset of genderflux which is a term used to describe any person’s gender idenity fluctuating. Boyflux is a specific gender identity off of genderflux, but can be any binary or nonbinary gender.

Demiboy - A non-binary gender in which one is partially, but not fully, a boy or man. They may or may not identify as another gender in addition to being partially a boy. The other part of one's gender can be any gender or combination of genders, including a lack of gender.

#trans #transgender #nonbinary #non binary #enby #nb #genderfluid #genderflux #agender #genderqueer #genderflor #genderfloren #agenderflux #nonbinaryflux #genderfae #genderfaer #demigirl #girflux #genderfaun #genderfaunet #boyflux #demiboy #gender labels #gender questioning #gender questioning tag

[bonesy-doodles]

As an avid user of social media, I’ve started seeing an uprising in discourse on whether or not nonbinary individuals can identify as gay (as in attracted to men) or lesbian. As someone who has identified as lesbian for the past four years and only recently settled upon my gender identity being agender, I’ve taken time to look at this discourse and arguments made on both sides. This, of course, is my own informed opinion based off my own experiences and evidence I’ve seen other nonbinary people give.

To start off, I mostly see this argument made around the lesbian identity specifically, with gay being mentioned every now and again, but rarely as if it’s a second thought. This discourse also can come along with the whole he/him and they/them lesbian discourse as well. Seeing as this is the case, I will mostly be referring  arguments based around the lesbian identity, but know this includes the gay (attracted to men) identity.

First, the argument that nonbinary individuals should be using trixic (nblw) or toric (nblm) instead. Let me start with the precedent that it is completely valid to use these terms if you find that it encompasses your experiences. These terms seemed to have been made to liberate nonbinary individuals from the binary terms, but they are relatively new terms. For years, nonbinary individuals haven’t had these sexuality terms to use or explore to see if they are comfortable with them. And even after these terms were coined, many individuals don’t find that they encompass their experiences as a nonbinary individual. And for years, I’ve heard from several parts of the community saying that all sexualities can include nonbinary (and personally, that is up to the individual person to decide if they are attracted to nonbinary individuals or not).

The next argument I’ve seen if that lesbian and gay are binary terms, and that nonbinary people can’t use binary terms, full stop. This is a harmful idea that can shame us out of using terms that we are comfortable with. Each person who falls under the nonbinary umbrella has experienced their journey to discovering their gender differently. This means everyone has different words they are comfortable with. This includes pronouns (and remember, pronouns do not always equal gender).

The best way I can convey this is by using myself as an example. I am agender, which personally means that I don’t really identify with any gender. However, I use prefer and use she/her and they/them pronouns, but I don’t care if he/him is used. I am very comfortable with certain binary terms, and uncomfortable with others. I do not refer to myself as a woman, girl, man, or boy (unless I am not out to the person I’m speaking to). I do use terms like girlfriend, wife, mother (and father as a joke), king, queen, priestess, and a few others, while I don’t use boyfriend or husband. I don’t use miss, mrs, or mr. I kinda use mx, but I prefer captain to be completely honest.

By saying nonbinary people can not use binary or gendered terms is a gross misunderstanding of what nonbinary is and can be from person to person based upon their own experiences. We were all raised differently, we all have unique relationships with our gender.

Next, I see people using the dictionary definitions to bar us from using these terms (I’ve mostly seen lesbian used in this case). And, I’m being serious when I say that I see a lot of TERF rhetoric being used during this argument. Yes, the definition is a “homosexual woman”. From this you would say lesbians are women that are only attracted to women, and since nonbinary people are not women, they are disqualified from being able to identify as lesbians. But, nonbinary isn’t a third gender in between or in complete opposition of man and woman. It’s a linguistic term that describes a large amount of queer identities that don’t fall into the traditional binary our society has set out. There is genderqueer, agender, demigirl, demiboy, bigender, genderfluid, and the list goes on.

So, now that you know nonbinary is a complicated category of gender experiences, what are “lesbians” and why can nonbinary individuals use it? Lesbian is an identity that is a subversion to what society sees as to what womanhood is. It goes against the idea that a woman’s life must revolve around a man, therefore it goes against and subverts our traditional idea about what it means to be a woman. Within the lesbian community, we see a wide range of gender non-conforming and people rewriting what womanhood is. And many nonbinary people have a strong connection or experiences with womanhood depending on if they were born afab or if they are more femme presenting.

The TERF rhetoric I see comes along with the hate many lesbians who use pronouns outside of she/her get. I’ve seen this called Vixenamoric. It is used by people who believe in some sort of purity surrounding the woman and lesbian identity. TERFs say trans women are invading women and lesbian spaces, and then Vixenamoric say nonbinary lesbians are invading women and lesbian spaces. TERFs believe in this purity of women, and Vixenamoric people say they include binary trans women, but exclude nonbinary lesbians because they believe in this purity of lesbianism. In both instances, they are simply transphobic and should be ignored for their “pick me” attitudes.

Finally, more transphobia I see is the double standard people have with cis lesbians dating nonbinary lesbians compared to nonbinary people identifying as lesbians. My girlfriend herself has experienced this double standard, and this whole argument invalidates her identity as a lesbian and other lesbians who date nonbinary individuals. She has received comments like “Oh, you’re dating a nonbinary person? That’s so cute” but then they smack my identity as a nonbinary lesbian as “not making sense”, “impossible”, and invalid. She said it herself, It’s blatant transphobia.

In summary, nonbinary lesbians and gays are completely valid identities because the individual themselves believes the linguistic terms describe their experiences. We need to stop pushing this purity culture and “pick me” attitude in our community. We need to stop policing other’s identities. Invalidating others isn’t going to make the LGBTQIA+ community any better. It’s going to make it worse and cause large divides. And it’s certainly not going to make you a better person. It’s all of us against the cis-heteronormative and allosexual world and we need to come together and learn about each individuals experiences and how complex sexuality and gender identity is. There is no one right way to do things.

If you still don't understand, do some personal research and find nonbinary individuals expressing their experiences. But, if you refuse to accept nonbinary lesbians and gays despite everything that has been presented to you, get yo transphobic ass out of here. 

#lesbian #gay #nonbinary lesbian #nonbinary gay #nonbinary #nblw #nblm #not art #text

[brynwrites]

How to Write Non-binary Characters: a three part guide.

Disclaimer: While this guide is written by a non-binary person in collaboration with many other non-binary writers and readers, it does not necessarily cover the views of all people within the non-binary community.

PART ONE: the basics.

First off, what is this thing you call non-binary?

Non-binary genders are any gender identity that isn't covered in the Western idea of woman (girl) and man (boy). This identity has nothing to do with which chromosomes or sexual organs a person has. Some non-binary people also identify as being trans (which is technically an umbrella term containing non-binary), while others only identify as being non-binary. Some commonly use the slang term enbie (which comes from the pronunciation of the initials for non-binary, aka N.B.) while others don't. Some break down their gender further than simply non-binary, while others choose not to.

Some terms for common non-binary genders:

Agender: having no gender.

Bigender: having both binary genders, or aspects of two different genders, usually simultaneously. (Much like the bi in bisexual, non-binary people may also claim this term if they have any number of genders, especially if they can't quite tell where one ends and the other begins, or they may claim the term pangender instead.)

Demi-(boy/girl/man/woman): being partially (but not wholly) binary.

Gender-fluid: transitioning between genders, which may include both binary and non-binary genders.

Gender-queer (or just queer): not of a binary gender. May be used when someone does not feel that any other terms fit them quite right, when they’re still trying to determine their gender and don’t yet wish to choose a term, or simply because the person finds it to fit them best.

There are also genders similar to what Western cultures call non-binary in many non-Western cultures, which are wonderfully diverse and all incerdibly valid, but as someone from an exclusively Western cultural heratage, I don’t feel I have the right or the knoweldge to talk about them.

So then, who are these non-binary people in real life?

The only thing that differentiates a non-binary person from a binary person is that they don’t identify as having a binary gender.

Their non-binary-ness could influence their lives in an infinite number of ways:

It could be subtle or life changing.

They could use fashion and vocal training and actions to present themselves in ways outside their society’s binary gender norms, or they could never even mention they’re non-binary to another living soul. 

They could change their pronouns, or their name, or keep one or both the same.

They could spend years re-figuring out who they are and what it means to be non-binary or they could realize it once and never feel the need to dwell on it again.

They could identity as one of the numerous non-binary labels, or they could decide they’re just not binary and don’t care to dig further than that. 

They could accept all gendered terms, or certain gendered terms, or no gendered terms at all.

People assuming they’re binary could frustrate them or sadden them or anger them, or they could not care in the slightest. 

They may feel they exhibit (or wish to exhibit) many of the traits their society designates to a certain binary gender, or they many not.

They could feel the same way about their identity all the time, or differently every day.

Each non-binary person (and character) is unique, and their non-binary-ness is just one tiny part of who they are.

The basic do’s and don’ts for writing non-binary characters respectfully if you're a binary person...

Do write non-binary characters. Not labels or brownie point grabbers, but characters. They should be diverse. They should not be defined by their identities.

Do write non-binary characters whose identities, presentations, and pronouns vary. Write they/them non-binary characters and gendered pronoun non-binary characters and multi-pronoun non-binary characters. Write them fat and thin and muscly, masculine and feminine and androgynous, wearing dresses and suits and t-shirts. 

Do listen to non-binary and trans people talk. Listen to how we feel and what we want to see in literature and what tropes hurt us.

Do get non-binary and trans beta readers. There's an overwhelming number in nearly all writing communities online who are more than happy to help.

Don’t imply your non-binary characters are less human or natural for being non-binary. Just because Western societies have had a tendency to ignore non-binary people does not mean that they haven't been prevalent throughout history and the globe. They aren't new or unnatural or any less human than people who identity as men and women.

Don’t have the genital discussion. I.e. don't have your non-binary character's genitalia "revealed" and discussed, especially for shock value. If your non-binary character is in a situation where their genitals would naturally be mentioned, do so as though that body part is completely natural for a non-binary person to have, because it fucking is.

Don’t write stories about how your non-binary characters discovered they were non-binary or their complex emotions regarding their identity. (Unless you have a non-binary co-writer or a wealth of experience and knowledge regarding the subject.) More on this will appear in a later part of the guide.

And do have fun! You should love writing the characters you write, so let them be wild and interesting and don’t fret too much in the rough draft stages!

Check back next week for Part Two: The Nitty Gritty.

#writeblr #writing non-binary characters #nonbinary #writing lgbt characters #writers on tumblr #writing help #writing advice #writing resources #writing tips #writers on writing #amwriting #authors on tumblr #creative writing #writing tag: characters #character tag: lgbt characters

[samwisethewitch]

What does it mean to be pagan? (Paganism 101 Ch. 1)

That’s right, y’all! With Baby Witch Bootcamp officially wrapped, it’s time to jump into our next long term series! I put out a poll on Patreon, and my patrons voted for Paganism 101 as our next series. While not all witches are pagan and not all pagans are witches, there is a lot of overlap between the two groups. Both witchcraft and paganism offer practitioners a sense of freedom, a deeper connection to the world around them, and a greater awareness of their personal power.

I identify both as a witch and as a pagan, and I get a lot of questions about paganism. In this series, we’ll go through the basics: what it means to be pagan, the difference between a neopagan and a reconstructionist, and the role of magic in different pagan traditions. We’ll also talk about some of the most popular modern pagan traditions and how to find the right tradition for you.

Let’s start off by answering the question, “What does pagan actually mean?”

Defining “Pagan”

It’s important to remember that “pagan” is an umbrella term that encompasses a wide range of different faiths. Someone who practices Wicca, for example, will have very different beliefs from someone who practices Hellenismos. These different faiths are linked by a shared history, rather than by shared beliefs or practices.

The word “pagan” comes from the Latin “paganus,” which literally means “area outside of a city” or, to phrase it slightly differently, “countryside.” This adjective was used to describe people and things that were rustic or rural and, over time, came to also have the connotation of being uneducated. Originally, the word had no religious association, and was even used to refer to non-combatants by the Roman military.

From this definition, we can gain some insight into what makes a religion or practice pagan. Pagans feel a kinship with the wild or rural places of the world, and are comfortable waking “off the beaten path.”

But how did “paganus” come to refer to a type of religion, anyway?

To understand the religious meaning of “paganus,” it’s necessary to understand a little bit about the religion of Ancient Rome. Rome (the city) was built inside a pomerium, a sacred boundary that formed a spiritual border around the city and its people. Paganus folks were those who lived outside the pomerium and, as such, may not have been strict adherents of the state religion — they certainly wouldn’t have been able to travel into the city for every major festival. They may have gotten a bit more creative with their worship of the gods. However, as previously stated, the word paganus did not have an explicitly religious meaning in ancient times.

The use of paganus as a religious label began after the legalization of Christianity by the Roman Emperor Constantine in 313 C.E. Christianity would not be adopted as the official state religion until 380 C.E., but Constantine’s conversion and decriminalization of Christian worship paved the way for Rome’s transformation into a Christian state. It was around this time, as Christianity was quickly growing in urban areas, that early Roman Christians began using the word “paganus” to refer to those who still practiced polytheism. Rather than referring to those outside the city’s boundary or to untrained civilians, the label now referred to those outside the Church, those who were not “soldiers of Christ.”

As Christianity spread in popularity throughout the Mediterranean, Europe, and Northern Africa, the pagan label was applied to all non-Christians in those areas. The word “pagan” became a derogatory label, implying an inferior and backwards religion.

So, really, the thing that makes a religion pagan is a historical conflict with Christianity. Pagan religions are those that were suppressed or completely destroyed after Christianity became the dominant faith in the region.

This is why Norse Paganism and Kemetic (Egyptian) polytheism, which are very different, are both considered “pagan” while Shinto, a Japanese religion that shares a lot of common features with many pagan faiths, is not. Because Christianity never achieved total dominance in Japan, Shinto was never pushed aside to make room for Jesus.

In the 20th century, people who felt drawn to these old religions started to reclaim the pagan label. Like many other reclaimed slurs, “pagan” became a positive label for a community united by their shared history.

What do all pagans have in common?

This is a tough question to answer because, as stated above, paganism is a historical definition, not one shaped by belief or practice. However, there are some things most pagans have in common. Here are a few of them, although these concepts may take different forms in different traditions.

Paganism…

… is (usually) polytheistic. Most pagans do not subscribe to monotheism, the belief in a single, all-powerful divine being. Some pagans are polytheists, meaning they believe in multiple divine beings with varying levels of power. Hellenic pagans, Norse pagans, and Celtic pagans are typically polytheists. Still others are monists, meaning they believe in a single divine source that manifests itself as multiple gods. Wiccans and other neopagans are typically monists. Many pagans fall somewhere in-between strict polytheism and strict monism. We’ll talk more about polytheism in a future post, but for now just know that the idea of a single, supreme creator is not compatible with most forms of paganism.

… is based in reciprocity. This is a concept that may seem odd to those who grew up around Abrahamic religions: the idea of engaging the gods in a mutually beneficial partnership, rather than one-sided worship. When we connect with the gods, we receive spiritual, emotional, and physical blessings. The gods also benefit, as they are strengthened by our prayers and offerings. (I like to think they also enjoy the company. It has to be lonely, having your body of worshipers supplanted by an anarchist carpenter from Palestine.) The concept of reciprocity is why most pagans make physical offerings to their gods.

Reciprocity also extends to our relationships with other people. Most pagan religions have a code of ethics that includes values like hospitality, kindness, and/or fairness with others. Depending on the pagan, reciprocity may even extend to the dead! Many (but not all) pagans practice ancestor worship, the act of honoring and venerating the beloved dead.

Reciprocity may even extend to the world at large. Some (but not all) pagans are animists, which means they believe that every animal, plant, and stone contains its own spirit. Animist pagans strive to live in harmony with the spirits of the world around them, and may make offerings to these spirits as a sign of friendship.

… embraces the Divine Feminine. Paganism acknowledges and venerates both masculine and feminine expressions of divinity. Polytheist pagans worship both gods and goddesses, while monist pagans see the divine Source as encompassing all genders. In either case, the end result is the same: pagans acknowledge that, sometimes, God is a woman. (Cue the Ariana Grande song.)

Paganism also acknowledges gender expressions outside the masculine/feminine binary. Many pagan deities, like Loki (in Norse paganism), Atum (in Kemetic paganism), and Aphroditus (a masculine aspect of the Greek Aphordite) exist somewhere in the grey area between man and woman.

… is compatible with a mystic mindset. Remember how I said there’s a lot of overlap between witchcraft and paganism? Part of the reason for that is because paganism is highly compatible with magic and other mystical practices. Most pagans believe that humans have, or can attain, some level of divine power. It makes sense that this power would manifest as magic, or as other spiritual abilities. Many of the ancient cultures modern paganism draws inspiration from practiced magic in some form, so it follows that modern pagans would as well.

… draws inspiration from the ancient stories. As we discussed, “pagan” originally referred to the religious groups that were pushed out by Christian hegemony. As a result, every modern pagan is a little bit of a historian. Because paganism was pushed underground, it takes a little digging to find myths, rituals, and prayers that can be used or adapted for modern practice.

Many pagans worship historic deities that you’ve probably read about at some point. Visit any pagan pride event, and you’ll probably find worshipers of Zeus, Venus, Thor, and Isis, just to name a few. Studying and interpreting ancient mythology and archaeological evidence is a big part of modern paganism.

… is a religion with homework. If you’ve read this far, you may be beginning to realize that being pagan is a lot of work. It’s fun, spiritually fulfilling, and very rewarding work, but work all the same. Because very few modern pagans have access to temples, priests and priestesses, or an in-person community that shares their beliefs, they end up having to teach themselves, do their own research, and guide their own practice.

This is incredibly empowering, as it means you are your own religious authority. It does, however, mean that you will occasionally have to open a book or slog through a dense academic article about the most recent archaeological find related to your favorite deity. Thankfully, there’s a growing number of accessible, beginner-friendly books, blogs, podcasts, and YouTube channels to help you in your research.

… embodies a deep respect for the natural world. While not all pagans are animists, most pagans do feel some sort of reverence for the forces of nature. Many pagan deities are associated with natural forces or use the natural world to communicate with their followers. Because of this, not only do pagans respect and love nature, but they’re constantly watching it for signs and messages. (Are you really friends with a pagan if they haven’t called you crying because they found a crow feather on the ground or saw a woodpecker in their backyard?)

Some pagan groups, especially neopagan religions like Wicca, have been classified as Earth-centered religions. Personally, I dislike this term. While it is true that many pagans feel a deep spiritual connection to the Earth and may even venerate local nature spirits, to say that these religions are “Earth-centered” feels like an oversimplification. Wiccans, for example, don’t actually worship nature — they worship the God and Goddess, who they see reflected in the natural world.

… is driven by individual spiritual practice. As mentioned above, very few pagans have access to an in-person community. Because of this, modern paganism largely consists of individual practices. Even pagans who do belong to a community still typically worship on their own sometimes. These personal practices may involve prayer, offerings to the gods, meditation, divination, astral travel, performing religious rituals, or countless other practices. Many pagans have personal altars in their homes, where they worship alone or with their family.

… is a celebration of daily life. One thing I love about paganism is how it makes every aspect of my life feel sacred. Many religions emphasize the spiritual aspects of life while deemphasizing, or even demonizing, the physical or mundane aspects. This can lead to practitioners feeling like they are spiritual beings trapped in a physical body, or like their physical needs and desires are something to escape.

Paganism allows practitioners to fully enjoy being physical and spiritual beings. Pagans reach for the heights of spiritual awareness, while also enjoying earthly delights — recognizing that neither is inherently more worthy than the other and that both are needed for a balanced life.

… is only one of many paths to Truth. Most pagan groups do not claim to be the only valid religious path, and in fact several openly acknowledge the validity of other religions. This is why you rarely see pagans trying to convert other people to paganism — it’s openly acknowledged that paganism isn’t for everyone, and that those who are truly meant to practice the old ways will find them.

~~~

Hopefully, this post has given us a good working definition of “paganism.” From here, we’ll explore some of these individual concepts in more depth and discuss specific religions within the pagan umbrella. Until then, blessed be.

Resources:

Wicca for Beginners by Thea Sabin

Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham

A Witches’ Bible by Janet and Stewart Farrar

The Way of Fire and Ice by Ryan Smith

Where the Hawthorn Grows by Morgan Daimler

Temple of the Cosmos by Jeremy Naydler

A Practical Guide to Irish Spirituality by Lora O’Brien

#paganism 101 #pagan #paganism #pagan witch #neopagan #wicca #wiccan #feri #reclaiming #goddess worship #celtic paganism #irish paganism #hellenismos #hellenic polytheism #religio romana #heathenry #germanic paganism #norse paganism #kemetic polytheism #kemetic paganism #animism #ancestor worship #eclectic pagan #polytheism #divine feminine #goddess #mythology #theology #history #witch

[tokokyohi]

If, at any point, you try telling me gay or queer aren't umbrella terms, that pansexual and bisexual aren't very closely related terms with an individual-basis meaning, or that aromantic or asexual people aren't in our community. I will block you on the spot. You are either: 1) completely unaware how much you've fallen into terf rhetoric that is largely based and formatted to be like Nazi rhetoric, that's not a simile, that's the truth. Or 2) you're an asshat and I don't have time for you. It is not my job to educate you, but I'll go off briefly a few things and that's all you'll get from me. It is not your place to revoke and police who and what can be in queer spaces, when clearly you aren't even involved in the queer community or educated enough to understand it.

Things to address quickly.

I'm very aware of the transphobic history of pansexuality! It's slowly branched from it, but should be acknowledged. When I say I'm pansexual, like many bisexual people will say, I am sexually attracted to any gender. Female, male, and anything outside of that binary. Some people who identify as pan or bi aren't attracted to every gender, because sexual and romantic attraction is fluid and completely individual.

If you're trying to say you're pan or bi or whatever you identify as and classify trans men and trans women as seperate than just men and women, you're transphobic and need to reflect on yourself. You need to research and educate yourself on the history of our shared community. That's on you now.

If you try excluding people who are in the asexual and aromantic spectrums, sorry to tell you this, but they've been apart of the community for a long ass time. You've fallen into a trap of believing propaganda that says they weren't! You need to reflect on yourself, research, and educate yourself on the history of our shared community. That's on you now.

Queer was a word we took back long before most people even realize. It's also a scientifically used word. It's used as an umbrella term, it's used for the studies of sexuality and romantic expression, and it's used as an identity.

The rainbow flag? That's the umbrella flag for the queer community actually. Not exclusively the gay male flag!

The trans flag? That's the umbrella flag for the gender queer community, not exclusively the flag for trans men and trans women!

Gay? A word used to describe someone being attracted to the same gender, but also used as a word meaning queer! It is used as an umbrella term and will continue to do so! It is also a word meaning same gender attention! It does not exclusively mean men who are attracted to the same gender!

Kink? Drag? If you don't understand the history and importance of those communities that not only cross over into the queer community, but also have their own large communities, then you NEED to educate yourself on the history of queer, gender, and sexuality expression.

Learn about how much of our history was burned away, learn about what our predecessors went through, fought through, and died through before saying someone doesn't belong in our community and its spaces.

I am proudly Queer. I am a Non-binary amab person. I use They/Them pronouns. I identify as Pansexual and Demiromantic, but all around Queer. You do not police my identity that I have found and proudly wear. I do not police yours. My labels are not for anyone else besides myself. You do not need to use labels, and labels are not to be enforced onto others. They are strictly for personal use to grasp, understand, and express yourself if you want to in such a way.

Be proud, be educated, and think about how easily anyone, including yourself, can fall into propaganda to hurt others in this world. No one is immune, but anyone can take a step to learn about history.

[crossdreamers]

Nope, transgender women are not in any way erasing lesbian women, but here is why some may think so

It is true that fewer of the women who are attracted to women identify as lesbian these days, but that does not mean that trans women are a threat to lesbian women.

Amy leaves the TERF cult

Pink News recently told the story about Amy, who once believed that the lesbian community to which she belonged was under attack from trans-rights activists:

Amy, who is based in Seattle, doesn’t believe those things any more. Looking back on her time in the “gender critical” feminist movement, she is unequivocal: it’s a cult.

A cult that groomed her when she was vulnerable and sleeping in her car; a cult that sought to control her, keeping tabs on her movements and dictating what she could and couldn’t say; a cult that was emotionally and sexually abusive towards her.

Last year, she began speaking out against what she saw as increasingly blatant homophobia in the gender-critical movement. The TERFs (”trans-exclusionary radical feminists”) tried to stop her, first with “love". One British lesbian even promised to find Amy a wife, so she could stay in the UK and help the TERF movement there.

Trans people displacing lesbians

Amy says she thinks a lot of lesbian, bi and gay people – and some trans people – are “on board” with the GC movement because they truly believe that trans people are displacing lesbians.

While it’s true that there has been an increase in the visibility of trans and non-binary people in the past decade, this doesn’t equate to trans people erasing lesbians, Amy says she recognises now.

“It’s emotional manipulation. They’re trying to pit gay and bi people against trans people, basically,” she says.

So they are. The objective fact is that transgender women are in no way threatening the existence of cis lesbians. If they opened their mind and their hearts the TERFs would see that they could get a lot of support from trans women, many of whom are lesbians themselves.

But it is true that fewer women identify as lesbian

However, given that fewer queer women call themselves lesbian, I can understand why some came up we the idea in the first place.  It was not because of the transgender movement, but because of the new and more flexible rainbow/continuum/spectrum approach to both sexuality and gender found in the LGBTQA community as a whole.

For some lesbians their hard fought for identity is linked to both binaries: The one based on sexuality and the one based on gender. The fluidity we find among Millennials and Gen Z’s scares them, because they believe it weakens the social and cultural basis for a pure lesbian subculture. The broader queer movement includes many shades of sexuality and gender.

Sara Prager, a lesbian activist, has written a very interesting article over at Xtra regarding this issue. She points out that for years now, women who love women have demographically been trending away from using “lesbian” in favor of identifying as queer, bisexual or some other label. 

She writes:

When Lauren Strapagiel wrote about coming to terms with identifying as lesbian for Xtra in 2019, this idea was part of her hesitation: “The word conjured images of grey-haired women wearing Birkenstocks, using the spelling ‘womyn’ and attending vulva-worship workshops.” 

It wasn’t a word she wanted to be associated with because she was “too cool” for it, being “young and enlightened and [knowing] that not all women have vaginas and that binaries are for breaking.”

There are other negative connotations associated with the term “lesbian,” as Strapagiel continues—like how anti-trans lesbians have pushed the completely false narrative that trans women can’t be lesbians or that they somehow threaten lesbian spaces. 

As Strapagiel’s powerful piece concludes, the “threat” to lesbian identity is not bisexuality or trans people or any of our LGBTQ2 community, “it’s what it’s always been: Homophobia and heteronormativity.”

While TERFs (trans-exclusionary radical feminists) may cry “lesbian erasure” while pointing the finger at trans and non-binary people, the true risk of lesbian invisibility comes from the straight cis world. 

Proud queer women’s media outlets DIVA Magazine, Curve, Autostraddle, Lesbians On The Loose (LOTL), Tagg Magazine, Lez Spread the Word, dapperQ, LezWatch.TV and GO Magazine stood up in 2018 to say that they “do not think supporting trans women erases our lesbian identities.”

So at the same time as women who are attracted to women abandon the term “lesbian” in favor of other and more open ended ones, lesbian and gay media outlets have also welcomed transgender men and women. 

Don’t blame gender studies

Many TERFs see all of this as an effect of post-modern university “gender studies” or “gender ideology”, which is partly why they so easily end up in the same bed as reactionary Catholics, misogynistic Evangelicals and right wing fanatics. These groups all blame the “Marxists” for obliterating people’s belief in biology. (This is nonsense on so many levels, but we do not have time to go into this today.)

The real reason that we now have new generations of queer people standing up the binaries, is actually the success of the LGBTQA community as a whole – lesbians included – and not post-modern philosophy. 

It was gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender activists who gave the younger LGBTQA people  room to think outside the narrow confines of Patriarchal rationality. It was they who made it possible for people to embrace who they truly are, and not give in to social pressure, trying to fit into the small boxes defined by those who came before them.

The TERFs are betraying this legacy. They have now joined the forces who are trying to stop queer people for exploring their own identity and destiny. The TERFs have become a threat not only to transgender women, but to everyone under the LGBTQA umbrella, lesbians included.

The L and the T

Laruel Strapagiel put it this way, referring to the TERFs:

They’re assholes, is what they are. But we can’t afford to ignore them. They’re finding friends in right-wing media and gaining mainstream mentions at an alarming rate, especially in the UK. It’s the job of cis lesbians, like me, to push back if we want to stop them from warping “lesbian” into an identity grounded in bigotry....

Frankly, these things weren’t on my baby dyke brain back when I was reciting my “I am a lesbian” mantra. These tensions are ones I’ve learned as I’ve grown in the community; and they have, at times, made me question my own identity. 

Did I want to associate myself with trans-exclusionary “feminists”? Would I forever have to explain to dates that, no, I don’t have a problem being with a woman who also dates men? Perhaps “queer” is enough for me? And just as I’m never going to let TERFs gatekeep lesbianism, I’m not going to let them scare me away from it, either.

I’m stubborn. I worked for “lesbian,” and I’m keeping it. And I want others to feel that, if they choose to, they can keep it too.

She is right. She has every right to identify as a lesbian, stick to the term and fight for the rights of women who think of themselves as lesbians. But doing so is not in any way the opposite of fighting for the LGBTQA community as a whole. It is truly tragic that we have to stress this now, but the L is an essential part of LGBTQA, as is the G and the B and the T...

See also: “On lesbians, transgender people and feminism”

#lgbtqa #lgbt+ #trans #transgender #terf #gender critical #lesbian #gay #terfs

[joxabear]

Writing non-binary(enby) characters

Quick disclaimer: non-binary is the umbrella term, not everyone who's enby will use they/them! Many also have different opinions on what's right and wrong, this is just my experience with writing a wide range of characters!

First off, I'd like to say that non-binary means outside of the gender binary. Opinions are opinions, and my general rule is whatever you say, boss, regardless of my opinions. Respect comes before whatever I think is right. (For your information, I'm enby(genderless, I suppose), pronouns they/them!) Also, this would likely only work for English(it has so many words to refer to someone! And I'm not a bilingual cool person, either)

Gender identity. Do they themselves say they're non-binary, or do they use a more specific label? There's plenty out there, and there are micro labels (do I have to say science proves that gender is an infinite spectrum or do we know?). You needn't even mention it anyway(I know I don't), it'll be cool to simply see them exist (Double Trouble from She-Ra is a good example of "existing no questions asked", they are very stereotypical, but many like them!)

Appearance. Not every enby is androgynous. Even if they look masculine or feminine (body types included), they are still enby. Yes, enby people can have breasts. I know a number (myself included) who do tend to dress quite out there, it's just a way of expressing ourselves, but I also know people who don't. Judge who the character is, and decide their appearance by that. It's up to you, clothes are whatever.

Dysphoria. This doesn't have to be a topic, I'm not fond of writing it. I'd say stay away from it unless you yourself experience it. But yes, enby people can experience dysphoria too.

Names. Most enby people choose strange names, objects, made up words, or even just a pretty name. Seraphy is my penname (I haven't tested many names enough, so really people just call me seraphy), it's nice, even if it's feminine. I've seen names such as Rock, Sock, Mud, or even animals (I myself am fond of Rat). I'm gonna annoy a few and say avoid deities. I know, they're cool, but it's disrespectful. Variations of the deities are okay, they did that in ancient times. (Aries, Dionysius, etc). Research!

Genderfluid. I wanna throw this here as I have yet to see any, and it's not fake or anything. This one can be tricky as it requires the changing of pronouns. You can choose some easy way (which to me just seems wrong, but whatever) of staying with one pronoun through the story, but have it clear they're fluid. Or you can do what I do and change it. Decide what pronouns they'll use (say, she/they, or he/she, or all three, or maybe even with it/she, or a neopronoun). One of mine wears a bracelet, and the colours change based on their gender. Genderfluid people don't change their gender three times an hour, nor do they have control over it. Nor do they owe you any explanation. Most if not all don't wear bracelets or anything, they'll just tell you.(I simply decided on a way of knowing for A. World building and B. Ease for those who don't understand) Do your research.

Personality. This one's anything. Enby people are people. Any personality is okay, although I'd avoid terrible stereotypes. Ie, don't make them some sleezy, shady, character.

Neopronouns. I'm gonna quickly touch on this. As of now, I don't actually have anyone with a neopronoun (I am planning on it though!) This one you should research (as with everything else). There's a lot of discourse around neopronouns, and a few are just things made up by idiots. Before people scream at me, English is an ever evolving language (or do you want to go back to using thy and thee all the time?) and that includes identity language. I've seen someone use it/itself and that's 100% fine and their choice.

Unsure of anything else at the moment, feel free to send a question or message me, but do research! Regardless of what you know and don't, research! And if you can, ask people!

Most importantly, just respect people. It's not hard. You never get to choose someone's labels.

#writing #writing advice #writing a book #writer tips #writer advice #write #writer #writeblr #nonbinary #enby #agender #genderfluid #Writing LGBT #LGBT

[hellomynameisbisexual]

I’d go so far as to say that the nomination probably saved the site, in fact. For those who need a little background: despite being a small voluntary project the site was nominated for the 2014 Publication of the Year award by Stonewall, the UK’s largest LGBT charity, just nine months after its inception. This was a landmark step in Stonewall’s positive new direction on bi issues. To the best of my knowledge, this was the first time Stonewall had specifically nominated a specifically bi publication or organisation for an award. At this point my co-founder, who was taking care of the business side of things, had recently jumped ship and I was seriously considering packing the whole thing in. I won’t lie, I was astonished to read the email.

I’d worked on a publication which won the award under my editorship a few years previously. Unlike Biscuit, however, g3 magazine – at the time one of the two leading print mags for lesbian and bi women in the UK – had an estimated readership of 140,000, had been going for eight years and boasted full-time paid office staff and regular paid freelancers. Biscuit, by contrast, was being dragged along by one weary unpaid editor and a bunch of unpaid writers who understandably, for the most part, couldn’t commit to regularly submitting work.

Little Biscuit’s enormous competition for the award consisted of Buzzfeed, Attitude.co.uk, iNewspaper and Property Week. We didn’t win – that accolade went to iNewspaper – but the nomination was nevertheless, as I say, a huge catalyst to continue with the site. I launched a crowdfunder, which finished way off target. I sold one ad space, for two months. Then nothing. I attempted in vain to recruit a sales manager but nobody wanted to work on commission. Some wonderful writers came and went. There were periods of tumbleweed when I frantically had to fill the site with my own writing, thereby completely defeating the object of providing a platform for a wide range of bi voices.

The Stonewall Award nomination persuaded me to keep going with the site

The departure of the webmaster was another blow. Thankfully by this point I had a co-editor on board – the amazing Libby – so I was persuaded to stick with it. And here we are now. I don’t actually know where the next article is coming from. That’s not a good feeling. But, apart from for Biscuit, I try not to write for free anymore myself, so I understand exactly why that is. As a freelance journo trying to make a living I’ve had to be strict with myself about that. I regularly post on the “Stop Working For Free” Facebook group and often feel a pang of misplaced guilt because I ask my writers to write for free, even though I’m working on the site for free myself, and losing valuable time I could be spending on looking for paid work.

Biscuit hasn’t exactly been a stranger to controversy, in addition to its financial and staffing issues. Its original tagline – “for girls who like girls and boys” – was considered cis-centric by some, leading to accusations that the site had some kind of trans/genderqueer*-phobic agenda. Which was amusing, as at the height of this a) we’d just had two articles about non-binary issues published and b) I was actually engaged to a genderqueer partner, a fact they were clearly unaware of. Now the site is under fire from various pansexual activists who object to the term “bisexual”. To clarify – “girl and boys” was supposed to imply a spectrum and, no, we don’t think “bi” applies only to an attraction to binary folk. The site aims the main part of its content at female-spectrum readers attracted to more than one gender because this group does have specific needs. But there is something here for EVERYONE bisexual. Anyway, it’s a shame all of this gossip was relayed secondhand, and the people in question didn’t think to confront me about it (which at least the pan activists have bothered to do). We damage our community immeasurably with these kinds of Chinese whispers.

Biscuit ed Libby, being amazing

Whilst trying to keep the site afloat, I’ve also been building on the work I started right back when I edited g3, and trying to improve bi visibility in other media outlets. I’ve recently had articles published by Cosmopolitan, SheWired, The F-Word, GayStar News and Women Make Waves and I’m constantly emailing other sites which I’ve not yet written for with bi pitches. Unfortunately, although I am over the moon to be writing for mainstream outlets such as Cosmo about bi issues, it’s been an uphill struggle trying to persuade some editors out there that they have more readers to whom bi-interest stories apply than they might think. It’s an incredibly exhausting and frustrating process.

Libby and I are doing our best with Biscuit. I can’t guarantee that I would be doing anything at all with it if Libby hadn’t arrived on the scene, so once again I would like to mention how fabulous she is. But we desperately need more writers. We need some help with site design and tech issues. We need a hand with the business and sales side of things. We can’t do it without you. And if you know any rich bisexual heiresses who read Biscuit, please do send them our way. 😉

Grant Denkinson’s story

denkinsonpanel

Grant speaks on a panel chaired by Biscuit’s Lottie at a Bi Visibility Day event

So first of all, explain a little about the activism you’re involved/have been involved in. 


“I’ve been involved with bisexual community organising for a bit over 20 years. Some has been within community: writing for and editing our national newsletter, organising events for bisexuals and helping others with their events by running workshop sessions or offering services such as 1st aid. I’ve spoken to the media about bisexuality and organised bi contingents at LGBT Pride events (sometimes just me in a bi T-shirt!). I’ve helped organise and participated in bi activist weekends and trainings. I’ve help train professionals about bisexuality. I’ve also piped up about bisexuality a lot when organising within wider LGBT and gender and sexuality and relationship diversity umbrellas. I’ve been a supportive bi person on-line and in person for other bi folks. I’ve been out and visibly bi for some time. I’ve helped fund bi activists to meet, publish and travel. I’ve funded advertising for bi events. I’ve set up companies and charities for or including bi people. I’ve personally supported other bi activists.”


What made you get involved?

“
In some ways I was looking for a way to be outside the norm and to make a difference and coming out as bi gave me something to push against. I’ve been less down on myself when feeling attacked. I’ve also found the bi community very welcoming and where I can be myself and so wanted to organise with friends and to give others a similar experience. There weren’t too many others already doing everything better than I could.”

How do you feel about the state of bi activism worldwide (esp UK and USA) at the moment?

“There have been great changes for same-sex attracted people legally and socially and these have happened quickly. Bi people have been involved with making that happen and benefit from it. We can also be hidden by gay advances or actively erased. We still have bi people not knowing many or any other local bi people, not seeing other bisexuals in the mainstream or LGT worlds and not knowing or being able to access community things with other bis. We are little represented in books or the media and people don’t know about the books and zines and magazines already available. The internet has made it easy to find like-minded people but also limited privacy and I think is really fragmented and siloed. It is hard to find bisexuals who aren’t women actors, harmful or fucked up men or women in pornography designed for straight men. We have persistent and high quality bi events but they are sparse and small.”

What’s causing you to feel disillusioned?

“I’m fed up of bi things just not happening if I don’t do them. Not everything should be in my style and voice and I shouldn’t be doing it all. I and other activists campaign for bi people to be more OK and don’t take care of ourselves enough while doing so. People are so convinced we don’t exist they don’t bother with a simple search that would find us. We have little resources while having some of the worst outcomes of any group. I don’t want to spend my entire life being the one person who reminds people about bisexuals, including our so-called allies. I’m not impressed with the problem resolution skills in our communities and while we talk about being welcoming I’m not sure we’re very effective at it. I’m fed up with mouthing the very basics and never getting into depth about bi lives and being one who supports but who is not supported. I’m all for lowering barriers but at a certain point if people don’t actively want to do bi community volunteering it won’t happen. Some people are great critics but build little.”

What do you want to say to other activists about this?

“Why are we doing this personally? I’m not sure we know. How long will we hope rather than do? Honestly, are there so few who care? Alternatively should we stop the trying to do bi stuff and either do some self-analysis, be happy to accept being what we are now as a community, chill out and just let stuff happen or give up and go and do something else instead.”

Patrick Richards-Fink’s story

085d4de So first of all, explain a little about the activism you’re involved/have been involved in.

“Mostly internet – I am a Label Warrior, a theorist and educator. Here’s how I described it on my blog: “One of the reasons that I am a bisexual activist rather than a more general queer activist is because I see every day people just like me being told they don’t belong. It doesn’t mean I don’t work on the basic issues that we all struggle against — homophobia, heterosexism, classism, out-of-control oligarchy, racism, misogyny, this list in in no particular order and is by no means comprehensive. But I have found that I can be most effective if I focus, work towards understanding the deep issues that drive the problems that affect people who identify the same way that I have ever since I started to understand who I am. I find that I’m not a community organizer type of activist or a storm the capitol with a petition in one hand and a bullhorn in the other activist — I’m much better at poring over studies and writing long wall-o’-text articles and occasionally presenting what I’ve gleaned to groups of students until my voice is so hoarse that I can barely do more than croak.” So internet, and when I was still in school, a lot of on-campus stuff. Now I’m moving into a new phase where my activism is more subtle – I’m working as a therapist, and so my social justice lens informs my treatment, especially of bi and trans people.”

What made you get involved?

“I can’t not be.”

How do you feel about the state of bi activism worldwide (esp UK and USA) at the moment?

“I feel like we made a couple strides, and every time that happens the attacks renewed. I hionestly think the constant attempts to divide the bisexual community into ‘good pansexuals’ and ‘bad bisexuals’ and ‘holy no-labels’ is the thing that’s most likely to screw us.”

What’s causing you to feel disillusioned?



“It is literally everywhere I turn – colleges redefining bisexuality on their LGBT Center pages, news articles quoting how ‘Bi=2 and pan=all therefore pan=better’, everybloodywhere I turn I see it every day. The word bi is being taken out of the names of organisations now, by the next group of up-and-comers who haven’t bothered to learn their history and understand that if you erase our past, you take away our present. Celebrities come out as No Label, wtf is that. Don’t they make kids read 1984 anymore? It’s gotten to the point now that even seeing the word pansexual in print triggers me. I’m reaching the point now that if someone really wants to be offended when all I am trying to do is welcome them on board, then I don’t have time for it.”

What do you want to say to other activists about this?

“Stay strong, and don’t give them a goddamned inch. I honestly think that the bi organizations – even, truth be told, the one I am with – are enabling this level of bullshit by attempting to be conciliatory, saying things that end up reinforcing the idea that bi and pan are separate communities. We try to be too careful not to offend anyone. Like the thing about Freddie Mercury. Gay people say ‘He was gay.’ Bi people say ‘Um, begging your pardon, good sirs and madams and gentlefolk of other genders, but Freddie was bi.’ And they respond ‘DON’T GIVE HIM A LABEL HE DIDN’T CLAIM WAAHHH WAAHHH!’ And yet… Freddie Mercury never used the label ‘gay’, but it’s OK when they do it. And he WAS bisexual by any measure you want to use. But we back down. And 2.5% of the bisexual population decides pansexual is a better word, and instead of educating them, we add ‘pan’ to our organisation names and descriptions. Now, this is clearly a dissenting view – I will always be part of a united front where my organization is concerned. But everyone knows how I feel, and I think it’s totally valid to be loyal and in dissent at the same time. Not exactly a typically American viewpoint, but everyone says I’d be a lot more at home in Britain than I am here anyway.”

#bisexual activism #bisexual activist #bi tumblr #bisexual tumblr #bisexuality #bi #support bisexuality #bisexuality is valid #bi pride #pride #lgbtq pride #lgbtq #lgbtq community #bisexual education #bisexual nation #bisexual rights #support bisexual #bisexual people #support bisexual people #respect bisexual people #bisexual injustice #bisexual justice #bisexual youth #bisexual women #bisexual men #bisexual representation #bisexual #bisexual community #bisexual facts #bisexual info

[queer-cat-policy]

Hi! I’m Ace!

Hi, I am ace. Not like the ace of spades but rather ace as in the slang for Asexual. And here I am, telling you, a stranger this. Not just a stranger but many. Writing essays, countless posts, and telling the world as kindly as possible about how I exist is pretty exhausting. But it is more exhausting being invisible. So now I join a movement, an invisible one fighting for visibility, so that maybe, just maybe, we find others like us.

I like to be fully disclosed, I will give you the definition of asexuality but the rest of it is all me. You cannot apply this article to learn about your friends. Maybe, if they are anything like me, you gain some insight, but the reality is, I write this in hopes that someone reading it will feel a little less alone in the world. Maybe this helps you understand that you are not abnormal, instead you are a human being first and foremost and deserve empathy like one. So, what I am saying is, do not take this article as the be all of asexuality. If you have an asexual friend in your life, you should ask them the questions you have with the intention of strengthening your relationship and becoming informed on a topic you previously were not informed about. And if you are asexual and my experiences don’t resonate with you, I encourage you to seek the rest of the community and know you are valid and you are not alone.

What is Asexuality?

Asexuality by itself at its most basic, universal definition, is defined as a lack of sexual attraction. And that’s it. The rest is a spectrum. There are many different types of asexual people, every single one has different experiences and feelings of attraction or may not even feel attraction at all. So we call this a spectrum and some parts of the spectrum have different titles. I think most people have no idea that attraction outside sexual attraction exists, meaning they didn’t know there are other names for attraction. Someone who identifies as asexual but is still attracted to people can feel aesthetic attraction, romantic attraction, physical attraction, emotional attraction, intellectual attraction, social attraction… and the list goes on.

There is something called the A-spectrum which isn’t just asexuality but aromantic, demi romantic, gray romantic, demi sexual, and gray sexual. Demi means that that attraction does not occur until an emotional bond is formed, gray means someone who has limited experiences with that attraction.

What Makes Me Asexual?

Asexuality means something different for every single person who identifies under it and because I can’t name really every type of asexual person out there, I am going to tell you a little bit about myself.

I am asexual because I feel no sexual attraction to anyone. I, in particular, do not want sex and am quite repulsed at the idea of it. I don’t enjoy the sex obsessed culture either and tend not to partake in it. I do however find people attractive for several reasons, it is usually an individual thing. I emotionally bond with people before I feel anything towards them for one. The attraction from there can be emotional or aesthetic. I know what type of personalities I draw in and enjoy interacting with too. I date and have been in about three relationships in my life but only one was long term.

Romantically, I don’t tend to identify. I say this because things change from person to person (as in depending on the individual I am attracted to). I will usually umbrella myself following the explanation of my asexual identity, stating that I am queer alongside being asexual or if I’m not comfortable talking about my asexuality, I leave it at queer. I say queer because I am attracted to different people for different reasons and sometimes gender isn’t necessarily a discriminating factor. I have mostly emotionally bonded with men in the past, but I find women physically and aesthetically attractive. Additionally, I am not exclusively attracted to men or women, I also can be attracted to transgender and non-binary people.

Is Asexuality in LGBT?

The Asexual community gets a lot of ping pong discussion about rather or not we are apart of the LBGTQIA+ Community. Some people believe that if you are just asexual and hetero-romantic and cis… then you should not be identifying as part of the LGBTQIA+ Community. I won’t get to deep into it, but the truth is, the A is for the asexual spectrum, not just the queer asexual folks. And we too have struggles, some much like the rest of the community and some very different. To leave out asexual people is aphobic in my personal opinion and a gatekeeping tactic. I one time read someone who was upset that the community had become like “the island of misfit toys.” I won’t tell you what to believe about this, but I’ll definitely talk about this in later posts so if you’re interested in reading more about it, keep an eye out!

The Fears of Asexuals…

We live in a sex obsessed culture. Sex is literally everywhere. It is in music, TV, movies, school, social life, work, art, commercials, food----- This culture is absolutely thriving (this is not a good thing) off of the exploitation of sexuality. Especially of women. If you can’t understand the problem with this, imagine hating the super bowl around Thanksgiving or Christmas at… well Christmas, when every store, elevator, billboard, TV series, and artist is throwing Christmas in your face. Except for asexual people, this is our life everyday we wake up and live in the world. Every. Day.

Because everyone around us is so obsessed with sex, asexual people can feel overwhelmingly alone. And for those seeking a significant other, that is a legitimate fear. Everyone else around us in relationships all require the one thing we will not give: Sex. You’ll never guess the number of times I get unmatched on dating apps after someone asks me what asexual means or after the first time I mention it outside my profile… because I guess if I don’t say anything than all the flags on my profile that include my sexual identity can be potentially false?

Asexual people, because many of us are very uncultured in sexual cues and such, are also at risk of being sexually abused and assaulted. Asexual people have gotten into situations where they are legitimately sexually attacked either because they have rejected someone or someone tries to change them by forcing themselves on them, or because they miss cues. Remember though if you have been sexually assaulted it is not your fault. There is no “what if I did this differently.” We are trained currently to be blameful of ourselves in sexual assault situations. But the fact is, if you did not consent to it- if there was no clear/in the right mind consent to it- it should not have happened and there is absolutely no excuse on the attacker’s part that should change that verdict.

Another part to being in a sex obsessed culture is just the sheer disbelief that people exist that do not want it. Rather it is for the intimacy or instincts, it will truly awestruck people of all kinds to the point they may tell us that we are not real. Not valid. Every asexual person has heard “you haven’t found the right person,” “How do you know if you’ve never had it,” “you can’t be asexual, you have a significant other,” “Love can’t really exist without sex,” “you’re just scared.” And we think about these things like ‘what if,’ and let other people’s invalidation of our identities invalidate ourselves.

Asexual Relationships?

It is a common misconception that asexual people do not date or do not have these kinds of intimate relationships. It is true that some people who identify as asexual also identify as aromatic or choose not to date or seek intimate relationships, but this does not describe the entire asexual community. Some asexual people will only date other asexual people, some do not. Asexual people in non-asexual relationships may come to a compromise in that relationship or vice versa. But it is incredibly important to remember that what matters most is that both parties are being satisfied. That may mean we discover that this partner is not the one. The needs need to be met on both sides.

As previously mentioned, there are a lot of people who think love must come with sex. You are more likely to come across someone with that mindset on the street than not. I personally try to meet people via online dating, and I would not say I have been 100% successful or unsuccessful. I have made several friends, I have had a boyfriend, I have done a lot of dating, I’ve also been unmatched as soon as they realize I am not wanting to sleep with them. That can be extremely… demeaning. And bad for self-esteem. I wrote something a little about how it feels to be consistently rejected for being asexual. I get rejected sometimes before people even know what asexual is. They know it is something from the LGBTQIA+ Community, it’s not straight, it’s not normal. And yes, maybe I shouldn’t want to be with someone like that but it feels like there are more people like that than not and there is no cure for the overwhelming fear that I will end up alone. It also creates an uncertain anxiety when I do not know why I may have been rejected. My brain defaults to “it’s because I’m asexual” and I go through the same devastation I would if I knew for sure it’s because I am asexual.

On the other side are the people who decide to date an asexual with the intention of being the one to “fix us.” Or they think it will change- because ultimately, they don’t believe in asexuality. Or they think it is personal, like instead of me being repulsed by sex I am repulsed by the person. For me, since I am not a very physically affectionate person (even when I am that comfortable with someone, it is very limited), that’s more common than I ever thought possible. That kind of says something about our society more than the individual, in my personal opinion. It says that our society as values our sexuality (especially as women) more than other parts of our personality.

Something I will include in here, friendships. A lot of my friends do not know how to talk about my sexuality. They don’t know what it is, it makes them uncomfortable, they think they have to give me the sex ed run down, or they think I have to be in PG settings all the time to be comfortable. No, I don’t necessarily want to hear in detail about your sex life but if there’s something you want to tell me, I’m not a fragile flower you have to protect. Friends also may constantly bring up my sexuality in an environment where it may not be comfortable. My friends have sometimes flaunted it like a golden ticket, like a token queer friend. I have to tell them to stop and if they don’t, I have to reconsider our friendship. Our sexual orientations are personal, no matter how out and forward we are, it belongs to us, to you. Coming out belongs to you and it is never insignificant enough to deserve to happen against your own free will.

Dear Ace Community Let’s Communicate!

The last thing I want to add here is just a suggestion for the asexual community. I see a lot of people who post about the exhaustion that comes with having to constantly re-explain ourselves to partners, friends, people of interest… Stop being exhausted. Do not tell them to google it. Someone is trying to understand you, googling is not understanding you. Take it as a compliment and be ready to explain and advocate for yourself and our community. Communication is so important. Google does not tell that person who you are, especially because we are on such a wide spectrum. I advise strongly against it. And probably, when you have to have that conversation, don’t have it over text. At least for me, I say so many more meaningful things when it’s face to face or over the phone at the very least versus over text message. I’m not just being a parrot of information from what I know the internet has told me, I’m telling that person about myself and what it means for me to be asexual. Communicate what it means for you to be asexual.

If you have an asexual friend, don’t be afraid of them. Know that you can’t change who they are, they don’t want you to try, you can’t “fix them.” If you don’t understand them, ask questions and don’t be critical.

Thank you so much for reading! If you have any question, reach out on my tumblr or contact page!

#asexual #ace #i am ace #i am asexual #asexuality #being ace #being asexual #ace girl #asexual girl #what it's like to be asexual #blog #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqi #lgbtqia #lgbtqia+ #lgbtqia community #asexual community #lgbtqia+ community #ace community #asexual relationship #fear of being alone #what is asexuality #hi i'm asexual #queer #i am queer #being queer #proud to be asexual #asexual awareness week #asexual awareness