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hdawg1995 · 1 year

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Hey!

Kinda out of the blue, but I am super curious about your necromancer. Also - the OCs you've posted here are super cool, and I want to know if it's cool for me to draw them 'u'

*breaks down a door and grabs you*

OKAY SO BANE!

(i can't add a read more, i'm so sorry) Austin "Bane" Wyvernjack is one of my D&D characters that i probably will never play again (sadness). He's a death&magic domain cleric/bard (3.5 is awesome you get TWO domains!) and his whole neutral/evil shtick is that the living don't take care of the dead and the dead deserve better than what they get.

he was raised by two very kind retired adventurers after his mother left him on their door step (i always left the why up to my dungeon master but the campaigns never lasted long enough for Bane's past to get a spot light). the town he was raised it wasn't great- there was this priest who did the stereotypical fantasy priest thing and was controlling the whole town with religion and got everyone to turn on Bane.

"But why?" you may ask, and its because this little kid could see and hear ghosts! more importantly- he could see and hear the ghosts in the graveyard behind the church who couldn't move on because the priest fumbled their burial rights.

So Bane, being a good natured kiddo who didn't know why no one else could see the floating people did the burial rights. which pissed off the priest. so obviously the child who can see ghosts was a devil and they should get rid of him. and also tell him that the god he was raised to follow hated him for bonus points.

BUT UH OH! NOW THAT BANE HAD TURNED FROM THE GOD OF THE SUN, LIGHT, LIFE, GUESS HE'LL GO TO THE GODDESS OF DEATH, MAGIC, AND KNOWLEGE!

*insert "KNOWLEGE" meme*

BAne went from good boy to a pain in the Priest's ass as a form of teenage rebellion. this is how he got the nickname "Bane". he prefers that name (and "No one" because of spy antics in another campaign i tried to play him in) because when you follow a goddess of death, magic, and knowledge you KNOW you're gonna do necromancy and thats not liked in most parts of the world. since he adopted his adopted parent's last name he doesn't want anyone or anything going after them because they want to get at the necromancer, you know?

so off Bane goes to be a adventurer. he died *a lot*. in the first campaign i had with him at one point he died 3 times in combat due to the DM getting nothing but 20s against him. when she got the 4th 20 she didn't even say anything she just got up, went next door, bought some cookies and handed them to me. was not fun but it birthed the "Banes dead again" inside joke.

since i figured i would never play him again i started crafting a backstory for him where he gets a girlfriend and they're cute together but jokes on everyone Bane is one of those Bisexuals who thought they were gay and then realized "huh girls are nice too".

He plays the violin and has a ghost that haunts it named Daruk. Daruk was a man who wanted to be a adventurer but died before he could, so now he travels with Bane experiencing the adventure second hand- he also helps Bane some times. when he plays the violin Daruk is in Daruk can cast spells though the music. it has a fire motif and because Bane is a necromancer is GREEN FIRE!

Something Bane says that i always think about and chew on cause every time i do i pull more and more "ah HA!" moments from it is "the living are sheep who will follow any shepherd to the slaughter" because thats how he views the world- a town was easily convinced that a child was evil because they listened to a man who didn't like said child doing a better job than him.

BUT HE IS ALSO LIVING! HE IS VERY MUCH ALIVE! HE IS ALSO A SHEEP FOLLOWING A SHEPHERD TO THE SLAUGHTER!

everyone dies eventually, the sheep eventually are slaughtered. its the shepherd who decides the why and the how- is the shepherd in his phrasing life? death? the gods? YES! ALL THREE! your life choices, your timely or untimely demise, the things you believe in all shepherd you to your end and if that end is pretty or not really ain't up to you. at one point in time Bane felt he was the black sheep of the herd since he... well, was. normally the lone sheep that gets rejected or forgotten by the shepherd is left to the wolves so during that time Bane felt less like a sheep and more like a wolf in sheep's clothing. rather then trying to get in and harm the herd, it was just a huge sense of lack of belonging.

at one point i made Bane a NPC in a game i ran and gave him the ability to enter dreams and cause nightmares legit just ripping off from persona 5 (i even gave him a mask and drew it once.) and now he has this nightmare/pumpkin jack motif and i like to think he thinks its just neat.

None of my bards can sing to save their life. Bane is no different. he can play the violin, dance, and tell a story but sing? the number of times he has screamed in fear or pain (because he died a lot i can not stress that enough that is why i'm never gonna play him again the dice hate him) have ruined whatever vocal cords he has.

i joke that hes my "blue eyed pink haired emo boy" because he is but i never actually make his eyes blue. his eyes are this sickly pale green that glow when he is angry or doing magic (or if it would be spooky because he is dramatic like that and so am i). when he was a NPC i made it lore that the color eyes he has are known as "death's witness" and they're a magic genetic thing. if you see enough death in very specific ways your eyes change to that color and the gene for that color gets passed down to your immediate kin. your kids will have the gene but your grand kids won't (unless your kids happen to have kids with someone else with the gene). Bane has it because blue is a recessive gene and Death's Witness is also recessive, so it overrides the blue.

Bane doesn't have "minions" or "servants", he has friends/companions. i mentioned Daruk but he also has Cuddles the War Pony. CUDDLES' BACKSTORY IS REALLY SAD TW FOR ANIMAL DEATH BUT I LOVE CUDDLES SO GOD DAMN MUCH!

so war ponies are used by smaller races in war. Cuddles loved battle, she was a really good war pony. she got the name because she would cuddle and roll around with her rider(s) after battle to get all that energy out. one day her rider was killed in combat so she stood her ground to defend him. it was a losing fight, but she eventually won. unfortunately *she* was the only one who "one" that battle, so there wasn't anyone to arrive in time to treat her wounds and the enemy wasn't about to get anywhere near a war pony that just killed three men. she cuddled up to her rider and passed away to her injuries on the battle field. in the after life she was very restless- there wasn't a war to fight in the after life, there wasn't a battle or combat to participate in. all she did was run, she couldn't' settle down. Then one day a young necromancer found her bones, still on the battle field, alone. someone had come for her rider but not her. the necromancer felt sorry for the war pony and asked if she wanted to adventure with him. Cuddles was animated almost instantly and promptly tackled the young man, earning her name once more. TW OVER

and then during a campaign Bane got possessed by a demon who turned her into a skeletal nightmare pony. she can talk now! AND CAN FLY!

Right now i'm writing a story where Bane and my other table top characters who will never see the light of day again are living under one roof and there is a surprisingly lack of antics but one of the things about Bane in that story is that he is really happy he isn't constantly dying and has more time for his hobbies like playing the violin and wood carving.

WOW THAT WAS A LOT! Bane is my boi and i love him lots.

also YES! OMG DRAW MY OCS! I HAVE SO MUCH AFFECTION TOWARDS THAT IDEA! THANK YOU! IM GONNA STOP SCREAMING NOW!

#ask #colorfulcyclone #bane #ramble #oh my god i talk about bane so much #i didn't mention it but i'm also really nervous about any canon pairings of Bane #he is the kind of person who doesn't see sex as a big deal #platonic sex is a concept he understands even if i don't #and it always feels like a copout if i make it canon that he has a girlfriend #my sister told me it isn't a copout #but hhrrgggg Bane deserves a loyal partner #he died so many times #also the pink hair is for no reason other than i thought it would be neat #longpost #long post

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servin-up-surveys · 1 year

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survey #088

(taken december 14th last year; uploading surveys done while gone)

Can you read lips? NO. I am *HORRIBLE* at trying to read lips, like I absolutely can't.

Do you have trouble feeling excited for other people when they receive good news? Oh absolutely not, I definitely get excited too!

Do you know anyone whose parents are homosexual? I know I have a mom friend who is bi, but she's in a relationship with a man currently. I don't THINK I know anyone full-on gay that's a parent?

Do you consider yourself patriotic? In what ways? Hell no, this country grosses me the fuck out.

Are you part of any online communities? If so, which ones, and how did you get involved in them? I'm in a meerkat RP circle, I'm an admin at the SH wiki (which I have been awfully neglecting lol oops), and I'm active in my WoW main's guild.

Have you ever purchased clothing that you were too afraid to wear? HA yes, when I was still a teen-ish I had this honestly really cute black crop top that just says "FREAK" and I only wore it for a single picture, lol. It would never fit me now. I actually think I mighta got rid of it.

What is your lover's middle name? He doesn't have one.

When was the last time you saw your last ex? Well I saw a PICTURE of us on Facebook like a day or two ago, and fucking finally FB allowed me to delete them. I haven't seen her in person in years and never want to again, either.

Who was the last ex you talked to? Sara.

Who is your best friend? Pick only one. My boyfriend Girt.

Who was the last person to flirt with you, other than your lover? Some random dude on dA, he got blocked real quick lmao.

Would it bother you if your lover flirted with other people? Uh yes???

What exes do you still associate with? None.

What is a topic that interests you so much that you could read about it for hours? Meerkat behaviorisms.

Are there any holidays that you hate? If so, which and why do you dislike them? Columbus Day because that man didn't discover jack shit. Thanksgiving (its roots anyways, it's definitely evolved) because it's a literal celebration of genocide and slavery, etc.

Do you have a secret that you’ve kept for a long time – years, maybe your entire life? If so, why haven’t you told anyone about this secret? Yes, and I don't tell anybody because they affect nobody, are entirely benign, and just really don't matter.

What was the very first social media site you signed up for? MySpace.

If you were in a coma, who would be making healthcare decisions for you? My mom.

What’s something you’ve done that sounds too crazy to be true? The only thing that comes to mind is how many times I've been admitted to psych hospitals; like I lost count many visits ago. I would estimate I've been like, six times. I feel like people who know that would expect me to be crazier than I am.

Does anyone in your family smoke? My dad and his wife do.

What’s your opinion on hunting? Trophy hunting? Fucking barbaric, repulsive, diabolical, just evil. IF however you are hunting for food and have a respectful, appreciative mindset of the animal, then I'm more okay with it than I once was, because here's the thing: that deer you killed out in the beautiful woods, and probably rather quickly, ABSOLUTELY had a better life than that mistreated, miserable cow that was raised simply to be killed and probably given LESS than the bare necessities. I want to emphasize though, mindset is so important here; I wouldn't support you if you were tracking a deer seeking the "thrill" of just killing it. Like in that case, get fucking help. Be very respectful and extremely appreciative of that animal's unwilling sacrifice.

Have you ever had a pet escape and run away? Oh my god I will never forget Teddy doing this one winter night in the snow. I was going BALLISTIC as my dad ran and later drove after him. If I remember well, he ended up being at the pond not too far from our place, which he and Dale (another old dog of ours) had run to before to play. Thank god he was okay, at this time he just still had good energy and was very into marking his territory and smelling EVERYTHING. He also really, really enjoyed the snow, he used to love zooming through it and just playing.

Do any of your exes know each other? Jason and Juan knew and didn't like each other (at least, I was aware Juan openly didn't like Jason, I'm not really sure if Jason felt anything about him). Tyler MIGHT have known either of them, too, I don't know.

What’s an opinion you find impossible to take seriously? "Dinosaurs aren't real," especially when they add on, "Satan put those bones there to lead us away from God." You are PURELY fucking delusional.

Have you met that person that can get into your mind through a sentence? Yeah, Jason. Probably still to this day. He had so much goddamn power over my emotions without even intending it, and I feel like that hasn't fully gone away.

Have you heard of Jeffree Star? What do you think of him? Yes, I genuinely like him and who he's grown into and think his work ethic is fucking unreal.

Who do you think you have cried over the most? lol do I really need to answer this???????????

Do you hate celebrities with big boobs and have had plastic surgery? lol grow up?????? People can do whatever the fuck they want with their own bodies.

Is anybody in your family schizophrenic? If so, what is their life like? A half-sister is, but I've never met or spoken to her; I've seen literally a single picture of her in my entire life. I have no idea what her life is like. Sometimes it rears up to bother me more than usual, how Dad's only kids he interacts with at all are me and my immediate sisters... Even his other daughter Misty had to reach out to HIM when she and her children visited here to go out to dinner so he could actually meet them. Like, that shouldn't be his child's job. Misty is understandable bitter about how she grew up (her mother was absolute, total, 100% insane shit that couldn't even keep custody of her BECAUSE she was fucking mental, and Dad didn't take her), and I just wish she didn't have to be by Dad acting more like a dad to her. WOW welcome to the family therapy session y'all

What’s something somebody can do to make you hate them instantly? Say something inappropriate about a child came to mind first, but there's really a lot of other stuff, honestly. Just being a shitty, gross, violent, and/or forceful person.

Are there regular trains in and out of your town/city? Yes.

What was the last animal you saw, and was it a pet? Roman, right now, 'cuz he jumped up onto the desk to chill by me.

Have you ever watched an anime series, start to finish? Yeah, multiple.

Do you feel the need to rant about anything right now? If so, go for it. So my Tumblr account just RANDOMLY got terminated yesterday (I seriously mean it when I say I did absolutely, positively nothing whatsoever) and I'm rather annoyed by it. This has already happened to me once on my old account, and it took like around a week to get the damn thing back.

How many serious relationships have you been in? Three. Ish. I don't really know what to consider Sara's and my former relationship. Like I feel like we had genuine feelings and did some romantic things without much shyness or anything, but idk. Jason and Girt were/are SO much different from what she and I had.

Do you have a lot of regrets? Yes, and they fucking haunt me and refuse to let me go so I can maybe even mildly like myself.

Have you ever been so angry that you screamed out of nowhere? Yes. I know I've done this a couple times into a pillow, maybe other times without but idr.

Do you have any plans for Valentine’s Day this year? NEXT year I know I want to do at least a LITTLE something. Girt had Covid this year so we couldn't hang out that day and it super bummed me out, really.

What do you usually buy for snacks when you go to the cinema? Almost always popcorn, rarely some sort of candy.

Look to your left and name five things you can see. Presents for Ash's kids from Mom, the closet, the stand with the printer on it, paper shredder, and a cute piece of random artwork on the wall from who knows where.

Do you like having your lip softly bitten when you’re kissing? bro get outta my bedroom

Who is your favourite YouTuber? Overall? It'll probably always be Markiplier, he's my idol, but I really haven't watched him anywhere near regularly in like... two years? His content just generally isn't my style anymore, but I still love him as a person to death. You know, I'm really not too sure WHO my active favorite is anymore. Maybe John Wolfe or Game Grumps, I really don't know.

Have you ever been hopelessly in love with a celebrity? Nah. I have my fangirl episodes, but "hopefully in love" has never been the right phrase at all. I know none of these people personally and therefore can't even truly LOVE them and have always known that absolutely nothing is ever going to happen between me and any random person on the Internet. I can just melt from afar lmao.

What was the last band shirt you wore? I'm quite sure it was Ninja Sex Party. Thankfully it doesn't say the name of the band on the shirt lmfao I wouldn't want to explain that ever.

How many pairs of glasses (not sunglasses) have you owned? I know at least three.

What color is your flash-drive? Hot pink.

What is your favorite color(s) of eye-makeup? B L A C K

Have you ever worn a thumb ring? Yes; that's where I put mine and Sara's friendship ring. Safe to say I don't have it anymore.

What brand of TV do you own? Uh I'm pretty positive it's a Vizio?

Are high school football games fun? Ugh, no. I used to have to go to them quite a bit when my older sister was a cheerleader. There were always wasps and shit around/under the bleachers, it was hot, too crowded, and I just had absolutely no interest in sports. They were also way too long to me. I know a lot of the time Nicole and I didn't even watch, we'd just go find something weird to do that generally involved getting dirty, meeting with other kids that were as bored as us, and going under the bleachers when we weren't supposed to lmao.

When was the last time you had a particularly hectic day? Oh hell if I know.

To whom do you feel the most important? Mom and Girt.

How long has your favorite song been your favorite? Since it came out early this year lmao.

Is one of your favorite colors yellow? No, I actually really don't like yellow.

How old are your siblings? Tbh I only have my two immediate sisters' ages memorized, which are 29 and 24. Others are in their 30s. Katie might even be close to 40, idr and can't math.

Ever had a fishtank in your room? No.

Do you drink more soda than anything else? Not anymore! It's generally flavored sparkling water.

Do you know anyone who wears camouflage often? my brother in christ I live in the SOUTH

How many jobs have you had? Three.

Do you hate your last ex? I VERY much don't like her, at all, but I'm past my "ugh I hate her" phase. I ain't wasting my energy on hating someone I never have to see or speak to ever again.

Are you ashamed of any of your family members? My uncle who my family no longer associates with. He's a fucking filthy slug of a human being.

Have you ever been in a courtroom? Yes.

Were you a chubby child? No, I was pretty normal.

Are you afraid to sing in front of people? Yes. To get you to visualize the sheer extent, in the over three and a half years Jason and I dated, he heard me sing ONCE, at church.

When did you last dance with someone? Uh with Sara a few years ago.

Do you feel awkward watching sex scenes? Yes, but not AS bad as when I was like, a teenager. I still do feel exceptionally uncomfortable if it's with my mom present, though.

Did you ever have senior photos done? No. I wanted to, we just... didn't, I don't remember why.

Do you attend church regularly? You literally could not even PAY me to go to church, never mind regularly. It's complete fucking brainwashing and greatly diminishes genuine, confident self-worth. I don't consider myself a Satanist, but even I can still say hail thyself, hunty.

Have you ever wanted to be a teacher? lol absolutely not.

Are you currently listening to music? Yeah, "Modern Love" by Mother Mother just started.

The person who last spoke to you in person, what is their name? Donna, but Mom to me.

The person who last texted you, tell me their name? Still Donna, lol.

What was your favorite class to take in school? Art courses and German.

Have you ever had a pixie cut? No, but I'd like one one day... Both my mom and hairdresser have told me I would look amazing with one now, which I really appreciated, but I just can't convince myself. I know it's a stereotype that fat people usually can't pull off short hair, and trust me it was ballsy enough for me to get it as short as it is now, I'd just be so obsessively paranoid that people would think I'm uglier with a pixie cut.

Is your signature legible? I think so, yeah.

If the person you like/love proposed to you right now, you would say? I know I'd say yes even though I know it's unwise to do so this early. Thankfully I'm pretty damn sure just given Girt's intelligence and dedication and strong pragmatism, he knows way better than to do that anytime soon.

Are you satisfied with your current camera? I sure am, and I'm actually pretty excited, I know Mom is ordering a pack of lenses (polarizing, ND, and UV) for it for Christmas!

When was the last time you felt ignored? Um idk. Probably during some family dinner at my sister's, I know I've been totally talked over adn brushed off more than once.

Is smoking an immediate turnoff to you? I won't ever attracted to a smoking man til I saw Richard Kruspe bro 😭 lol but generally yes, celebs don't count, right?

If given the opportunity, would you legally change your name? Nah, too used to this one and plus I like it.

Has religion ever come between you and a friend or family member? Yep.

Has anyone ever told you that you were worthless? Well, in fucking essence, Sara has.

If you jumped out the nearest window, would you live? Yes, very easily.

Is there an animal that scares you? I have a very intense irrational fear of larva, like maggots and stuff. Cicadas also notably freak me out, I can't handle their eyes. Whale sharks are another irrational fear, their mouths creep me out. Australian spiders like their funnel-web are freaky too.

When you get blood tests, do you feel faint afterwards? No.

Do you think you will have a date for prom? Whoa now buddy you are WAY late, lol. I went to Jason's senior prom and he went to mine.

Are you afraid of being cheated on? Not really, at least not with Girt. I hope this doesn't sound all arrogant or full of myself, but just factually, this guy wanted me way too long for me to even really WONDER if he'd cheat on me. He's directly told me he wanted to date in high school, but he didn't do anything because he was concerned what people would think of the age gap. Then Jason came along and he respected that.

Do you know how to play poker? It's actually funny, I did as a KID but don't now, hahaha. I really enjoyed it as a child, just obviously without monetary gambling.

Is your face shape oval, heart shaped or square? I genuinely don't know.

When was the last time someone asked you to go somewhere? When Girt invited me to his place Friday for his sister's birthday.

Do you have small wrists? Yeah; even with my size, my wrists are definitely noticeably small. Like I can slip those security bracelets off at the psych hospital (lmfao what a talent) or like the skating rink to show you paid.

Are you someone’s best friend? Girt always calls me his. <3

What’s the biggest annoyance in your life right now? The state of my legs, really. I'm gonna get on fixing this shit, I've had enough. It stops me from SO much.

Do you know anyone that smokes weed? I know one major pothead irl as well as one online; I'm certain others do it, but being a pothead is like, literally a major part of these two girls' personalities.

How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? A hell of a lot.

Thinking back to the person you fell hardest for, do you still feel that way? Nope.

If you’re a girl, what’s your bra size? Funny thing, I actually don't know. I know I'm naturally a C-something, but being my weight, I'm not at all convinced that's accurate right now. This is gonna sound wild, but I haven't had a properly-fitting bra in literal years; I just wear some that were Mom's that somewhat fit, but absolutely not properly, but enough to where it's not incredibly obvious with clothes on. I'm pretty sure I need something custom because if the cup fits, the back doesn't, and if the back fits, the fucking cup doesn't. It's extremely annoying, but bras are not cheap, especially when you're not a standard size.

Ever known anyone who did business with a prostitute? I have zero idea.

If your parents are divorced, how old are your step parents? Kim is a couple years younger than Dad, so mid/late 50s.

Do you like your step parents, or are they assholes? She's an intolerant bigot/obnoxious Christian, but she has good traits, too.

[TW: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE/ABUSE] Ever had an abusive parent or other family member? No, thankfully.

Ever walked in on your parents while they were getting busy? If so, how many times and how old were you? No; I find it SO hard to accept that my parents ever did have sex lmao, they were SO incompatible and just never got along, it seemed like growing up.

If you were to get pregnant as a teen, what would happen? Well, I woulda kept it, because at the time I was pro-life. Thank fuck this never happened.

Do you prefer broccoli or asparagus? Broccoli, I absolutely hate asparagus.

What was the last flattering thing someone did/said to/for you? Uhhhhhh let's see probably something Girt said, he honestly says stuff like that a lot. ;__; <3

Do you know anybody that believes that magic/witchery truly exists? Yep, my sister Misty to name just one.

Roughly how hot are the summer temperatures where you reside? Usually 90s, sometimes low 100s. I absolutely hate it.

#survey #surveys #personal questions #random questions

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maximotts · 2 years

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𝐤𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 || 𝐰. 𝐦𝐚𝐱𝐢𝐦𝐨𝐟𝐟

a/n: happy halloween, gays!! It is uhh... 8:30pm on the day and I got tired of editing this now massive fic, but we're gonna ignore that and post anyways because it's my planned Halloween fic. Time isn't real, have some possessive sorority!Wanda

warnings: 18+, minors DNI; smut; fingering (r giving); lowkey Wanda manipulating the situation because she got everyone out of the house?; pet names (good girl, sweetheart, baby); semi-clothed sex; good gay lap sits; probably other things that I'm forgetting rn but literally just.. more of my sorority!AU stuff

summary: Wanda heard of your crush, but you never acted on it. That was fine until she saw you talking to other girls, then it became her job to take you away before anyone else could.

words: 5.6K

kinktober masterlist. || main masterlist.

“Will you be a dear and come help me pick out what to wear tonight?” You nearly broke your neck with how fast your head whipped around. Wanda was behind you, fiddling with her signature rings, the sweetest pout you’d ever seen on her face. As president of her sorority, Wanda tried her best to look nice at every party she attended and Halloween was certainly no exception. On paper it was a lovely little bonding activity amongst the sororities and fraternities on campus, but anyone with eyes and ears knew that it was going to be an outright rager. But still, Wanda needed to look good.

Usually she asked Natasha or Carol; those three were an inseparable trio. Everyone loved them and anyone who didn’t, well, you didn’t see those types of people around much. They’d pledged in their first year together and now, two years later, they were practically untouchable. You were a new pledge, somehow Natasha’s husky voice enticed you to try out and Carol’s strong arms pushed you through every weird trial they put newbies through during rush week. If you hadn’t known any better, you would’ve thought they’d decided to let you join as soon as they set eyes on you and they just wanted to see you suffer the humiliation of hazing for their own amusement.

But the final straw was Wanda Maximoff.. With her bright green eyes and dazzling smile, she could tell you to set the world on fire and you would grab the closest match. You didn’t get to talk to her much; partially because of conflicting schedules, but mostly because you became the clumsiest fool alive in her presence. The last thing you wanted to do after being allowed to join the sorority was make your crush on the president known, how embarrassing.

You realized she was staring at you expectantly, trying to hold back laughter at whatever stunned face you must be pulling. “You seem to be the only one here and I’m so indecisive..” Her voice sounded mildly exasperated, like she’d been trying by herself for a while already with no luck. “If you’re too busy I can just-”

“No! I’ll help!” Scrambling off of the couch, you discarded the book you’d been reading, quickly stepping around to stand by her. “Whatever you choose will look amazing, I’m sure! You’re already just so hot- I mean, pretty- no ugh.. great. You’re great.” Mentally you were banging your head against the wall; even after months, you could barely manage a sentence around her. If you could just give her some simple feedback and keep it together, it’d all be fine.

Wanda hid her chuckle behind her hand, unable to fully hide that she’d heard your fumbling. She wanted to see more of it. Over the past few weeks, she’d gotten word of a possible crush from around the house- a new pledge who was practically falling over herself to avoid Wanda for fear of letting it slip. At first she was content to just watch you from afar, silently knowing she could count on you for any random task, but then the parties started and it was becoming clear that there were other people who wanted your attention. That just wouldn’t do. She wanted you and she always got what she wanted. You were hers, whether you knew it yet or not.

“Come with me, sweet girl, I don’t have all day.” She took your hand and pulled you along with her, pretending to ignore the way your cheeks flushed deep at her sudden choice of nickname for you.

≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫

As president, Wanda occupied the largest room in the house. She was known to host sleepovers on certain weekends, ordering the nicest foods and supplying more self-care activities than any one girl could handle in a single night. It was infamous, rumors spreading of who kissed who and what secrets were shared to the wrong person lasted for a while. No one turned down the invitation: except you. ‘Something’ came up at the last minute and you had to rush away one of your friend’s dorm rooms to hide for the night.

Consequently, this was your first time stepping into her room and it was the perfect reflection of her. Neutral colors adorned the space, splashes of red here and there for variety, and plants by the window all screamed Wanda’s influence. Unfortunately you weren’t able to do more than get a quick passing glance because Wanda was rushing you along to her closet. Which, closet was a misleading term- it was the biggest you’d ever seen and in the back of your mind you wondered if she’d somehow taken over what would’ve been a neighboring room because somehow, on the topmost level of the house, her room was the only one there.

As much solitude she needed when she had guests or wanted privacy. And you two were the only ones home right now. You didn’t know whether to run or ask to stay forever. “Do you like it?”

You turned to her blankly, still trying to take in the gigantic space being used to house one singular college student. “Uh- yeah it’s nice. I can see why you have so many people over.” Wanda tilted her head, regarding you with a furrowed brow while you realized the implications of your words. “No wait, I didn’t mean it like that! You have a normal amount of people over I’m sure, not like you’re a- no no, I’m not going to even go there.. I just meant that everyone always talks about spending time here and it’s very cozy here and I get it now!”

She could’ve stopped the ongoing stream of word vomit at any time, but it was too cute. In her trio of friends, Wanda was arguably the least intimidating, always offering a kind smile to anyone who needed reassurance, but no matter how sweet she was when you happened to cross paths, you were helpless around her and she loved how powerful it made her feel. True, she could have anyone, but you were just so sweet and innocent. Her girl to snatch up and keep forever.

“You weren’t at my sleepover though,” Wanda put on her best pout, bottom lip sticking out as she turned away from you to wander through her closet, picking out possible dresses for the night. She’d put on her cutest nightgown just for you when she was putting together her party; that was the night she wanted to make her intentions known, but somehow you’d slipped away with an emergency that Carol saw through as soon as she’d heard. Wanda spent the whole night irritated beyond belief, refusing to participate in anything and hostile to anyone who asked her what was wrong. Everyone actually in attendance had seen the scary side of Wanda, watching her obsessively pull every bit of information about the friend you were staying with out of anyone who had the misfortune of coming too close to her. None of it was enough to quell the possessiveness running through her veins, “I heard you went to go see your friend instead.”

You didn’t miss the distaste dripping from the ‘friend’ part of her sentence, but you figured she was upset about your absence more so than who you were with. You never could have guessed it was a strange mix of both. “Sorry about that, but you probably wouldn’t have had much fun with me anyways. I don’t do well with parties, I get way too nervous.”

“Oh I don’t know, sweetheart,” Wanda had her gaze set on herself in the mirror, switching between two possible outfits on hangers in front of her, “I think I would’ve had a lot of fun with you.” She didn’t have to look over her shoulder to know how she’d caught you off guard; your small squeak was enough. The brunette did turn around though, looking clueless as ever as she held out the two dresses. “Which is better?”

Shaking your head, you tried to focus on giving your opinion, but the thought of her in either -a red strapless thing or a black one with an open back- continued your downward spiral. This shouldn’t be this hard— crushing on Wanda Maximoff was unrealistic and unattainable, especially if you could only act like an idiot. “Uhm.. the red one?”

She gave a hum in response, pretending to think about what you said. “I’ll just have to try them on. Sit over there.” Her voice was authoritative, leaving no room for argument, and you were curling up in the vanity chair before you knew any better. And suddenly sitting down was your only solace because Wanda was stripping down in front of you as if she was alone and your entire body went numb.

Wanda was gorgeous from head to toe; you knew that, thought about it more times than you’d like to admit, but seeing her? No one else could compare. It took everything in the older girl not to kiss you right there, watching your gaze struggle between staring and looking anywhere but here through the mirror reflection. How cute. She pulled the dress over her head with a fake struggle, shimmying the short garment down until it settled just past her hips. That dress was made just to torment you, you were sure. There was no other explanation for why Wanda was standing mere feet away from you, scrutinizing her appearance as if there was anything at all to fix.

“You look nice! More than nice, really, I think you should wear that one. No one will be able to take their eyes off of you.” You were shifting in your seat, trying to get your mind off of how uncomfortable sitting was becoming, but then Wanda was looking over her shoulder at you with wide eyes, like she was shocked to hear such a compliment from you and you had to bite down hard on the inside of your cheek.

It was then you realized that for however much you ranted about her to your friends, you’d barely talked to Wanda past a casual conversation. She didn’t seem to have that much interest in you until today; part of you wondered why now, but, flustered as you were, you didn’t hate spending time with her. With the look Wanda was giving you, it didn’t seem to mind it either, “You really think so?”

“Of course! People look at you all the time anyways, but with that? There’s no doubt.” Her face looked so genuinely touched and it confused you, certainly she knew how much everyone adored her. Hearing it from just a lowly new pledge shouldn’t be that meaningful.

But Wanda wanted to hear it from you. As far as she knew, you weren’t one to just hand out compliments so if she’d gotten one from you, you must really like her, right? It’d be so much easier to keep you if you truly wanted her. And she could make you need her to look at you like she was now, full of adoration and kindness; everyone else already did. “Zip me up?”

She’d asked it innocently, but before you could even start to stand, Wanda was kneeling in front of your chair with her back facing you. Her hair fell gracefully over her shoulder with gentle coaxing and the skin of her neck and upper back was laid bare to you, much to the dismay of your barely hanging on sanity. Your hands were shaky as they reached out, careful not to pinch any of the unmarred skin of her back— somehow you managed, “There you go, all set.”

“Mm.. thank you, dear,” Her voice was sinfully sweet which set you on edge enough, but then she was turning around and settling herself between your legs. A head fell gently, soft cheek pressed into the top of your thigh, and when her hand rested on the other, you were sure this was the end of you. “Do you know what makes me sad?”

“N-No? What’s wrong?” She’d just looked so happy; you wanted that Wanda back. You longed to run your thumb over her pouting lips, just to maybe watch her smile again.

“You went to the homecoming party we hosted and then other random ones. I know because I saw you there... dancing with other girls, letting them cuddle with you at the end of the night on couches,” Wanda could hear the contempt rise in her voice, hardening with the thought of anyone else so freely touching what should be hers. She caught herself before you noticed, switching back to the gentle voice you’d come to automatically tune into, “But when I invited you to my sleepover, you made up some excuse to get away. Every time I see you, you’re never around long… Do you just not like me?”

God her eyes were so green. They were so clear, searching your own curiously as if she was trying to read your thoughts. “Of course I like you!” Like was an understatement; more and more Wanda was occupying your thoughts. It was a genuine embarrassment at this point and the things rolling through your mind as she sat knelt between your legs was doing nothing to lessen that. “I-I just..”

“Just what?” She looked over your flushed cheeks, your fingers rapidly tapping against the chair arm, how tense your body was so close to hers as if one wrong move would be the death of you- it was near impossible to hold back the sadistic grin begging to spread across her face. “Do I make you nervous, baby girl?”

You were sure you were on fire by now. There was no way flames weren’t licking at your cheeks after such a choice name, one you didn’t expect to react so strongly to. “Well, maybe a little?” Wanda was frowning now, sitting up straighter while her thumbs rubbed slow circles into your inner thighs.

Subtly as you could, you chanced one shift, just one to try to free yourself from the nagging wetness so evident between your thighs, and Wanda caught it. She knew she had you. Now all she had to do was officially make her claim. This was always her favorite part. “Oh don’t be nervous, I’d never hurt you.” Not unless you wanted her to— or if you stepped out of line, but there was no need for that yet.

Wanda finally got up from her knees and you thought maybe, finally, you could take a breath, but then she was settling herself on your lap with her hands on your shoulders and the exhale you let out was anything but steady. Her dress was so short that if you’d dared look down you were sure you could see a hint of the lace panties you’d admired from afar just moments ago, long legs folded on either side of your own in what now seemed to be the smallest chair ever. You were so precious trying to keep your eyes in just the right place, scared of ever possibly offending her; Wanda wondered when you’d catch on that she was coming onto you this whole time. She wanted you to stare at her greedily, to ruin looking at anyone else ever because you had her- what more could you possibly want?

“Do you want to make me happy?” You nodded dumbly, watching her sit up on her knees to tower over you just a bit, her long hair landing on your shoulders now. A stern hand cupped your chin and tilted your head to look up at her. Wanda looked serious all of a sudden and somehow even without her saying it outright, you knew you needed to comply. With a second nod of approval, Wanda grinned, victorious. “Good girl.”

She pressed a kiss to the tip of your nose, pleased with your submission. Your hands settled on her hips as if you were touching glass, as if you could ever scare her away. You were right where she wanted you. “I’m going to keep you all to myself, little pledge.”

You shivered at the nickname, gaining enough confidence to press small circles into the tops of Wanda’s hips with your thumbs. The breath you took was stupidly deep; here you were, the object of your affections holding your head in her perfectly soft hands and telling you she wanted you (to keep you, whatever she meant by that) and yes, maybe she was being a bit forward about it, but if you were being honest, it was kind of hot. All you had to do was say yes. With the way Wanda was looking at you, you were sure anything but yes would ruin your social life for the rest of college. Thankfully you’d already made up your mind.

Nervous as you were, you gripped her hips harder and pulled her in until your noses were touching, “I want that.. with you..” Wanda’s grin grew impossibly wide, over the moon with the evening’s events.

“I know exactly how you can keep me happy right now.” Wanda watched as your eyes grew wide, pupils blown with equal parts lust and shock. It was hard to restrict herself to just one motion of her hips meeting yours, instantly needing more. If she were the type to beg, she would’ve asked by now. But Wanda didn’t beg for anything. She grabbed your hand with gentle determination, lacing her fingers with your own so sweetly you nearly forgot she was grinding against your leg for a second. “If you want to play, that is?” Your joined hands met where you were too nervous to look, but shaking fingertips grazed damp fabric and in what was probably the boldest move you’ve ever made, you pressed into the lace. You hadn’t given a care to how she’d react, your only thought to feel what was now so torturously close to you.

Almost instantaneously, Wanda giggled and you froze, humiliation at your eagerness washing over you. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to-”

“Yes you did.” She was kissing you with purpose now and if that wasn’t overwhelming enough, the brunette was rolling her hips against your still entwined hands.The way she moved had you thinking she was mimicking how she typically got off alone, not so subtly showing you how she’d learned to tease herself— apparently she loved ruining her entire wardrobe of undergarments for the sake of her own pleasure. Struggling to keep up, you moaned into the kiss and Wanda’s tongue slipped into your mouth, easily taking the lead while she explored the arching outlines of your teeth. She must’ve sensed your nerves because she was shushing you, pecking the corners of your lips while letting you catch your breath. Her bottom half didn’t stop moving though, too selfish to sacrifice the pleasant friction while she soothed you. “You’re okay, sweetheart, I’m not mad. In fact,” Wanda kissed a trail over to your ear, tugging your earlobe between her teeth for a second too long before speaking again, “I’d really like it if you kept going.”

Everything in you screamed to give her what she wanted. You weren’t clueless; you knew what she was talking about, but the fear of possibly disappointing her kept you stuck. Besides a few fumblings around with other girls, you’d never done much by way of giving and definitely not with someone as breathtaking as Wanda. When you looked at her again, it was with dread, afraid your hesitancy had angered her, but all you saw were those kind eyes again. More mischievous than you’d ever seen them, but still gentle. “I don’t want to do the wrong thing.”

“Ah, don’t worry, my sweet girl, I’m not made of glass. I won’t break.” She laughed, a soft, light thing that set your mood at ease. “I’ll show you just what to do. You only need to know how to make me feel this way from now on anyway, don’t you, darling?” You nodded in time with her, the idea of learning all the ins and outs of Wanda, just Wanda, both calming your nerves and tightening the coil in the pit of your stomach. She pulled away just long enough to shimmy out of the chair and pull the thin lace from her hips, leaving it on the floor to sit atop you again.

The heat of her core on your thigh enticed you instantly, but when she’d gotten up, she also dropped your hand and you were reaching out for her, “Wanda..” She took your hand again, silently heartwarmed you wanted to keep holding it.

“Hush now, do what I tell you,” Like clockwork, Wanda brought you back between her thighs and this time you gathered the courage to look down. Her tight dress stayed bunched above the curve of her hips, giving you full access to the clean-shaven pussy you were ashamed to admit you’d dreamt about more nights than not. “I want you to fuck me on your fingers and then whenever you’re tempted to touch another girl, you’ll remember how I feel instead.” She turned your open palm to cup her, squeezing your hand until you got the hint and did the same to her body, molding into shape until you could feel her from the base of your wrist to the tips of your fingers. Wanda was hot, burning up even, and you wanted, no— needed, to sate her desires. To make her just as flustered as she always made you. You wanted to be so good at it that you were the only one she sought out when she needed to alleviate any ache.

Her hand left yours to steady herself against the arm of the chair, “Go on, you can touch.” And so you did. Moving slowly over the length of her, studying every twitch of her muscles when you made contact with certain places; you wanted to see it all. “I didn’t give you permission to tease,” Wanda’s firm warning reminded you of your task and you sparked into action, parting her folds and running your fingers along slick skin. You could just barely smell her, heady and sweet as you explored. Your pride swelled when you found her clit and Wanda hissed, round and prominent against the sides of your fingers. “That’s it, baby, just like that.” Trapping the nub between your first two fingers, you squeezed ever so lightly and Wanda bucked into the painful pleasure. It was agonizing moving so intently, being touched right next to where she wanted, no matter how she twisted and turned. She didn’t know where you learned that trick, but fuck, it was driving her to such an irritation fueled neediness. “Circles, now. Use your thumb.”

The speed at which you obeyed shocked even you. Chalking it up to naive eagerness and following directions, the pad of your thumb met the bud previously trapped between your fingers, trying a few experimental lazy circles. “Like that?” It was Wanda’s turn to nod fervently, a moan deep in her throat as you found the perfect rhythm.

“Just like that… tell me, do you think about having me like this often?” The rough texture of your thumb drove her wild, especially once you found your footing. Confidence gave you the willpower to speed up without her having to ask, the slippery friction only making her rut into you harder.

A change of direction that almost made Wanda’s knees buckle snapped your focus to your lap, catching just a glimpse of her deep pink center each time she went forward, “I think about you a lot, Wanda..” Your voice sounded entranced and maybe you were because the sorority president definitely occupied a good chunk of your thoughts each day, particularly when you found your mind wandering to less socially appropriate topics. “You’re so stunning, just want to make you feel as bad as I do for you.”

The admission had Wanda clenching around nothing, a fresh gush of wetness threatening to leak down her thighs and she knew, as blissfully good your fingers felt on her, she needed you inside. “Oh baby, you have no idea..” You dared to tug at her clit while she was talking, cutting off her thoughts mid-sentence with an almost pitifully needy squeak, “That wasn’t very nice, don’t interrupt me again.” She leant in for what you thought was a kiss, but turned out to be a painful nip at your lips, her sharp teeth drawing blood.

“You’ve done so well so far, such a quick learner.” Wanda’s tongue soothed over the throbbing sting of her bite, a quick apology for her bought of anger because she saw a tear pricking at the corner of your eye. “None of that now, baby, you’re okay. I need you to fuck me now, do you think you’re ready for that?” She grabbed your wrist again just long enough to draw you downwards, pleased that you got the hint and rested your fingertips at her entrance. “Just one right now, don’t you dare add another until I say.”

She was breathy as you circled her hole while she instructed you, but the lingering hurt on your lips reminded you she was still very much in control and in charge. “I’ve thought about fucking you since I saw you at the first invite meeting..” Why you were telling her this, you didn’t know. If you could guess, Wanda enjoyed hearing how much she played on your mind and, if it helped you get to your end goal of feeling her fall apart on your fingers, you’d tell her even her darkest secrets. “You make me so nervous every time you’re around, I was always scared I’d slip up and say something embarrassing so I tried to stay away.” You pushed one finger into her slowly, savoring the first time feeling her sheathed around your digit. Wanda was impossibly hot, already gripping you like she wanted more than the thickness of only one of your fingers, but you made yourself wait. You’d never forgive yourself if you fucked this up now.

“What were you scared you’d say to me?” The brunette let her chin rest on your shoulder, her low voice resonating almost directly into your ear. You liked this position; it let you feel her breath quicken as you started to move your hand, pulling almost all the way out before pressing in once more. “Keep going, work me open and I’ll let you put another one in.”

It should’ve been illegal for Wanda to say things like that to you; you hadn’t expected her to be such a talker. She was typically so quiet unless she needed to interact, but then again, you were also quiet and the list of naughty things you wanted to say to her was endless. “U-Uh.. I was always worried I’d talk about how kissable I think you look, especially when you get all dressed up for parties. Or how whenever I see your legs, I think about them wrapped around my head.. I’m looking at them now and I just- wow..” Your finger found a steady pace and Wanda wrapped her arms around you, hands gripping your shoulders as she so obviously tried to hold back any noises that sounded too submissive. Selfishly, you made a vow to force them out of her one day.

“Mm..” Wanda didn’t know why she was torturing herself; she’d thought about this with you for so long. She’d painstakingly arranged so many things for everyone to be out of the house and non-disruptive this afternoon just to have you right where she did now— why she denied both of you the satisfaction of finally fucking her properly was sheerly masochism on her part. “Is that why you won’t stop looking down?” She heard the deep gulp you took, knowing you’d been caught unabashedly staring at the junction of her hips for way too long and too intently to be just nerves.

Maybe you should have been looking at her, but you were too busy committing the sight of her to memory to raise your head. “You’re just gorgeous all over, Wanda. I can’t help it,” You gave her an especially deep thrust, as far as your bent fingers would allow, just to watch the clench of her lower tummy… some previously untapped part of you wanted to bite it. “I was terrified to say I wanted you because I want only you. You’re all I think about.. the thought of sitting so close to you at your sleepover.. I couldn’t have survived without falling all over myself all night.”

If Wanda had known she had you this wrapped around her finger already, she would’ve made her move sooner. So many nights stewing over your niceties to other girls could’ve been saved; none of them got to have you like this, you didn’t want anyone besides her to. You were already hers long before today, “Second finger, fuck me how you imagined I’d like it.” You pulled out short, plunging back in with two fingers until they were buried in her tight cunt without another thought.

Wanda was gasping, fingers clawing at your upper arms while you fucked into her with determination. You’d never say it aloud, but you thought about what Wanda would sound like split open on your fingers more than you thought about her doing the same to her. Reality was so much sweeter than your imagination. She was soaking your hand, fingers glistening every time you pulled out; idly, you wondered if she’d let you taste her if you made her happy enough. “You’re already so tight around my fingers. If you look, you can see how much you’re dripping onto my hand… Is it because I said I only want you?” You felt her nod, pulling a whine from her as you finally curled your fingers. “It’s true, you know. How could I ever want anyone else when you’re right here? You can keep me as long as you’ll have me, I’m yours.”

She must’ve looked down because she shifted, her hips now moving in time with your wrist as much as she could in her shaky state. Your free hand moved to help guide her, grounding her jerky motions, and this time when you curled your fingers, it was perfect. “There! Right there.. do it again, please—!” Self-preservation told you to ignore the ‘please’ part and just do what she said, hitting the same spot each time you bottomed out in her.

Wanda was close to breaking, it would just take one final push. You brought your thumb back to her neglected clit, running quick strokes over it until she was crying out. If you’d eased your focus for just one second, you would’ve missed your name amongst her stream of expletives, but you were blessed enough to hear it and the sound was music to your ears. “I love you like this…” Pure awe and excitement kept you from saying anything remotely intelligent, but as Wanda came down from her high, she buried her face into the crook of your neck so you figured you must’ve done something right. “Thank you,” After a moment of silence, Wanda made a vague noise of confusion, her brain not yet letting her formulate a response. “I mean for you know, this? I’d really like to do it again— well, we should do this again?”

You shut yourself up before you could embarrass yourself further, but then Wanda was stretching, fully sitting on your lap now, and you could feel evidence of her orgasm seeping through your pants. “What part of ‘I’m keeping you’ implied that this was ever a one time thing?” Her smirk left you blushing, fidgeting in the chair to offset the chance of you saying anything even more stupid. Some part of you didn’t think she was serious when she’d mentioned it earlier; surely she wouldn’t want to date an average lowly sophomore when she was both a junior and president of her sorority. Wanda could have any one and she really did want you.

While you were distracted, she took her fingers from your lap and nudged wet fingertips against your lips. “Open.” Your mouth opened wide for her to place the intrusion in, only to drop her own hand, trusting you to know what to do. Of course you did, having wanted to for months and silently lamenting you didn’t get to fulfill that dream today as well. The quick taste of her you did get threatened to have your eyes rolling back in your skull, especially when Wanda was watching you so intently, overjoyed that her new girl was turning out to be more obedient than she could’ve hoped. “I think it’s about time we get you dressed too.”

“I don’t really have anything to wear-” Your hand fell back to her side, your calm evening plans suddenly dashed. The Halloween classics movie marathon was probably already in full swing, it just dawned on you, but Wanda’s pout told you she wouldn’t be taking no for an answer for this event.

“I’ll let you borrow something I have here!” Wanda stood up on shaky legs, adjusting her dress and, much to your dismay, forgoing any other underwear. She combed her fingers through your mussed hair, fussing with it as she thought of an outfit that would match hers. As much as you would miss your movies, you wouldn’t trade anything for the affectionate touches you were now on the receiving end of. “You’re not going to skip out on any other parties with me any time soon, sweetheart. I’m taking you everywhere, right by my side so you never miss me again.”

It was sheer assumption you’d miss her when she was gone. The assumption was correct. If you weren’t already hooked on Wanda before, she’d fully ensnared you now.

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff fic #wanda maximoff smut #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff x f!reader #marvel fic #marvel imagine #maximotts kinktober #kinktober #motts writes

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thedeviljudges · 3 years

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Re. Soohyun - if her death does turn out to be connected to her investigation, then imo I'm okay with that because (within the show's narrative) it would be a result of her own actions/choices, in line with her characterisation, e.g. charging in on her own, not thinking of her own safety, risking it all for justice, etc., and unrelated to her relationship to the male character, rather than just someone hurting her to hurt him. She still retains agency, just with tragic consequences. (1/2)

And yes there are legit criticisms to be made re. the writing of SH's character, but in the rush to do so some ppl seem to be overlooking the rest of the female characters - Elijah, JJ, Sun-ah and Cha Kyung-hee (love em or hate em!), who imo are all well-written, fascinating and strong in different ways. Yes CKH died, but she went out on her own terms in a way fitting to her character and even in death made more of an impact than any of her weaselly male counterparts! (2/2)

I agree with this; although the one small part I will play devil’s advocate with is the fact that the only reason Soohyun continued her and Gaon’s investigation into Yohan is because she doesn’t trust Yohan who has Gaon under his thumb. So, I suppose indirectly, it’s still about Gaon because she’s trying to persuade her friend not to trust Yohan and whatever she found could’ve been the key.

The thing is, Gaon tells her before they leave his house that they can continue looking for evidence about Yohan after they deal with the rising violent situation. But she doesn’t listen, so that truly does align with her character in terms of pride and self-righteousness.

Then again, even if it is indirectly about keeping Gaon safe, the entire thing is still a mystery and she did have agency to go out and try to discover it on her own without being tied to Gaon in that way, so I’ll give it that for sure. She, at the very least, had one thing for herself this episode outside of Gaon. And to your point, which I think is so true: someone hurt her specifically for her nosiness rather than in relation to Gaon. As fucked up as it is to say it, I do hope that’s the reason she was taken out, and the more I think about it, I think the more plausible it is, especially given how charged the preview for episode 14 is.

To your second part: I think it’s easy for people get so hung up on one female character dying because of how the film industry/writers treat them in general. Which is a totally understandable response to have. Women die off for male characters as a narrative device, for them to learn, grow and continue carrying out the plot, and it’s a nasty trope.

The thing is, we can’t avoid women’s death in film because then that’s just too unrealistic. I wish we were given more with Soohyun, that she could’ve been fleshed out and not just a plot device, that she could’ve been way more well-rounded like all the other women/men on the show, but sadly that’s just not the case. I don’t know if the writers just got ahead of themselves with the plot and were like ‘oh shit, gotta do something with her’ or what.

But with that said, you do have a point that there are other women on this show. It’s all about subversion of tropes. We see it with Gaon (he is a female character through and through); we see it with the minister, with Sunah, etc. I know it’s easy to also blame the writers for killing off Kunghee as a female character, but also tell me how many women we’ve seen on screen make a choice about their own death??? To me, her death was profound because she made the decision - she ultimately represented what it means to be pushed to the limit, and that can happen with anyone. She did so not because of a man but because she knew she was backed up against a wall by literally everyone; that makes sense to me.

And Elijah. I’m truly so happy with her, especially because she hasn’t fallen victim to normal teenage tropes and shit. She’s smart and witty. She’s still a teenager that back talks. Given she is confined to the house for safety reasons, she’s still so fleshed out, which tells you a lot in comparison to Soohyun.

And even further, I don’t think any show can every truly be perfect, and faulting it for having some errors is just going to be normal no matter what. Humans make human mistakes, even in the content we create. I recognize that completely. It’s easy to write lines and lines about how Soohyun was failed as a female character, and I think that’s normal to write about, just as it is for any other character, but after that, it’s important to sit back and breathe and just remind yourself that no perfection exists regardless of what should or could have been done.

Unfortunately, it is what it is, and that’s how the show will forever be cemented. And this is why I haven’t made too many posts about Soohyun because there’s nothing I can do outside of it aside from trying to dissect what little information we have about her character in relation to the themes and tropes of the plot.

All of this to say, I do hope we’re right in that even in death it can mean something. I think the friendship component was such a mishandled thing and it had so much potential. Everyone cries about how gays make shit things unnecessarily gay, but we never ask why hets do the same thing. Why does every m/w have to be romantic? Where are the friendships??

For what we do have, flaws and all, I'm happy with their exploration of tropes, how they've mixed it up, especially for genders. They've done a phenomenal job despite a few hiccups - how many shows can say the same??

But yes, I totally agree with all of your points!!! They’re very valid.

#x #the devil judge #answered #anonymous #getting to your other ones in a bit!!!#i totally dont mind the discussion at all #the weekends are reserved for me just thinking about this show tbh lmao

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four-teeny-babies · 2 years

Text

so recently my boyfriend hasn't wanted much to do with little me

which is fine and i totally never expected him to, it's not his job to look after me and he's having a time of it right now

but it does mean i need a caregiver, since i'm not so good at regressing by myself safely

so uh

if anyone would like that, that would be chill

i'm gonna leave my struggles/mental illnesses under the cut and if anyone wants to be my caregiver with that in mind then come and message me

(but make sure you can take that on!!!! i can be a handful)

i'm not gonna tag this except with trigger warnings, because i want people to see my blog before they see this post so they know me a little

cw: ed mention, sh mention, probably trauma mention (no specifics) and probably a suic1de mention too since my mental health is....poor

so i'm quite mentally ill, as you might have guessed

- ive had an eating disorder for 2 years now, i'm recovering but barely and regressing generally helps with the eaying struggle.

- i struggle big time with various sh things, full disclosure i'm not clean.

- i have a lot of early childhood trauma, i have some strange triggers so if i get to know you i'll tell you those. my therapist suspects i have cptsd, so i probably have symptoms of that.

- im autistic

- i've been suic1dal since i was about 8 or 9. i'm in therapy and i'm working on that.

- obviously i have quite a lot of gender issues, i'm genderfluid so the amount of dysphoria varies A LOT. i'm not going to disclose my birth sex unless i know you well, but i consider myself a guy because i still classify myself as gay.

- i hallucinate and get manic/low a lot. no clue why, because i've never had a psych eval and don't really want one, but there's that.

- i have lots and lots of anxiety.

that's about it

so yeah

i just need a cg

(also if you are someone who might like that could you please be around my age, swy)

#tw ed #tw sh #tw mental illness #cw ed #ed mention #sh mention #cw suicide mention #Suicide mention #trauma mention #tw trauma #cw hallucinations

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heloisedaphnebrightmore · 4 years

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ALEC LIGHTWOOD 😍 to anyone before you say anything (i imagine him to not be gay for my sake okay?) Anyways, growing up in the shadow world. Parabatai with Izzy. Besties with Alec. Associated with downworlders and good friends with Magnus. Clary comes, Alec gets in a pissy mood. I find it hilarious. Gets him more irritated. His memory is still of Jace but as bros you know. He's about to get married and I'm just nicely sitting at the back because I got no guts to stop and then he sees me and realizes and he can't do this and boom he walks off towards me. You can tell the rest 😂

Oh my freaking god, YES!

I do have an Alec Lightwood series so I completely understand you <3 (I imagine him to not be gay for my sake okay? - got some pretty nasty anon hate for the same reason before :(

Anyways...

“He sees me and realizes and he can't do this and boom he walks off towards me. You can tell the rest 😂”

Stop cracking me up with all these last sentences xD

But yeah I completely get Alec, god Clary can piss me off to no end too xD You being by his side would definitely be something to turn to, even if you would find the situation hilarious and would maybe tease him about a bit, which would earn you a typical Alec Lightwood type of eye roll xD

That was so heartbreaking. I mean you, sitting in the back watching the wedding proceed. Alec could have gotten his sh*t together a tad bit earlier, but I would be so glad to see him grab your hand and pull you up from your seat and just kiss you in front of the whole crowd. <3

Your love-story - Interaction time!

#Heloise's inbox #interaction time

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adriennestar · 5 years

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Loved Endgame but... I'm gonna be that b*tch

I loved everything except Steve's ending. I will never be able to accept it and according to social media, I'm not the only one.

It's a slap in the face (actually more like an axe to the spine) to everything that Stucky has been through together in the MCU. All of their chemistry and feelings for each other that have been established are undeniably romantic and still stand. The Russos can't "Thanos" away "I'm with you till the end of the line" (ie "till death do us part") or that the only person Steve repeatedly goes to the ends of the earth for is Bucky, or that Stucky's story arc falls into many romantic tropes in the CA trilogy.

Evans said that Bucky is Steve's home and everything he needs while Seb has said that Bucky's relationship with Steve is probably the only thing keeping Bucky from killing himself. So in short, Bucky is everything Steve could ever need and Steve is Bucky's literal reason for living. Sounds pretty romantic.

In TWS, Steve goes on about his love life and wanting someone with "shared life experience" minutes before Bucky (his genetically enhanced super soldier ex, who has been frozen for a majority of the past 70 years, fought in ww2, and grew up in 1920s/1930's Brooklyn) shows up with just that.

Thor gives up the throne for Jane in Thor 2, Tony gives up his suits for Pepper in Iron man 3, and Steve gives up his shield for Bucky in Cap 2 AND 3.

"You're keeping the outfit right?"

"He left me for a damsel dark" (From the tavern scene in TFA when Bucky visibly is sad about Steve and Peggy)

"It's Been a Long Long Time" is still Stucky's song. It get's introduced with Stucky during their reunion scene in TWS.

"Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky"

"Your Bucky"

"Rumlow said Bucky and all of the sudden, I was a 16 year old kid again in Brooklyn". 16 is the stereotypical age (especially in fiction) people experience their first love and Steve without warning, reminisces about being that age upon hearing Bucky's name. He get's SO distracted that Rumlow is able to detonate a bomb in front on him.

Bucky is the only reason why Steve has EVER surrendered himself in battle.

In fiction, whenever a main character's love interest is captured, killed, etc, it becomes the main character's main motivation to save or avenge them. That is Stucky's entire story arc in Cap's trilogy.

1. Steve opposes 117 countries, for Bucky.

2. Steve fights half of his friends, the avengers, for Bucky.

3. Steve fights Tony practically to the death, for Bucky.

4. Steve would rather die by letting Bucky kill him than fight Bucky.

5. Steve single handedly storming that hydra base to save Bucky is the same energy as an old fashioned Disney prince, storming a castle and slaying a dragon to save the princess. (Not even joking)

6. Steve before he loses Bucky in TFA doesn't want to kill anyone but as soon he does lose Bucky he wants all of Hydra dead or captured.

Cap pulls a helicopter out of the sky with his bare hands to keep Bucky with him.

The images below are tweets by the writer for CA:CW

Did anyone else notice when Endgame Steve encountered his Avengers self, the 2012 Steve had the same reaction to seeing Steve's compass and hearing about Bucky still being alive? Because I did lol.

Picture either Steve or Bucky as a woman and then all of the sudden, even the most heteronormative minded people can acknowledge how immensely romantic Stucky's story arc is.

Over the years, Marvel sets up all of this romantic subtext/chemistry between Stucky, literally say Steve and Bucky are soul mates, then they shove a heteronormative end that goes against Steve's character/character growth down our throats.

They even add insult to injury by giving us a dry and lifeless Stucky scene before Steve goes back in time. The Ned/Peter and Tony/Peter reunion were 100 times more emotional than Stucky's. I feel like the Russo brother's intentionally drained the life out of Stucky's reunion scene while directing it by telling the actors to act as hollow and uninterested as possible because they're trying so hard to bury Stucky alive in a shallow grave.

Deep down I always knew they didn't have the spine to explicitly represent Stucky as the canon romantic couple they were in the MCU but Stucky is still real. They're just not OPENLY lgbt.

Speaking of the openly gay character in Endgame... thanks alot Russos 😧🙄. Thanks for throwing us some scraps on the floor when it comes to explicit representation while the cis/het's get to enjoy yet another banquet.

The MCU prior to Endgame has done nothing but heavily hint that Steve and Bucky are the love of each other's life and now they turn around and say "haha heteronormativity ftw". Stucky is a broken promise.

But I'm not giving up on Stucky. They are canonically lgbt just like Valkyrie(bi) and Loki(pan) even though they too didn't get explicit representation.

I guess I'm just going to stay mad about this forever. Someone has to. Stucky deserved better than to go out in such an insulting way.

Peggy may be "the love of Steve's life" but Stucky were each other's first love back in the 1930's. "The first cut is always the deepest" is the notion that your first love will forever define your perception of love. Maybe that's why the very next person after Bucky Steve finds himself attracted to is essentially the female version of his first love.

Bucky and Peggy are virtually the same person, just of the opposite sex. They are both brave, intelligent, strong, capable, compassionate, good looking, sharp shooting, army brunettes, who hate bullies. They even get introduced by beating up a bully while sporting their army clothes. You just can't make this sh*t up!

You can have it both ways. Maybe one day Marvel will understand that.

My hopes are lower than the bottom of the Mariana trench when it comes to that though.

Rant over. Bye.

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smilekitten · 5 years

Text

You’re the Prince to my Anxiety

Once upon a time, there was a seemingly happy princess, who loves the Prinxiety ship.

One day, when reading a fanfiction of the ship, she replied to the comment, revealing some personal information about her home life. It didn’t matter; nobody there knew her in real life, nobody even knew her real name, she was just another face in the sea of gay obsessed Fanders. The commenter replied to her with love and hugs; though she couldn’t feel the hug through her screen, the comment itself made her happy.

The chain of comments continued, from one topic to another, and another. Eventually, there was a hug party (pretty much a big group hug). Everyone from the chain was apart of it, even the princess, but the hug began to choke a few people; one said that some faces turned purple.

That day, dark thoughts floated around her mind. The stress of going back to school, with unfinished work she was given extra time on, made her feel as if she was a disgrace, a disappointment… a failure. So she poured a small drop of her true emotions, in her comment…

“[RIP

Everyone

Death by Huggles

They will all be missed…

Except the princess...

She sucks]”

The princess didn’t expect much from that comment; she thought maybe the people will ignore her. The opposite happened. The one reply that caught her eye, was the one from the commenter; the person who started the chain.

“[No! The princess will be missed!]” they replied.

She what she was thinking at that moment; it was as if her mind and body were acting on its own. It may have something to do with the fact that they were all strangers, and what’s said on the internet can’t affect her as much as much as what’s said in real life. That thought may have caused her to comment…

“[Tell that to the little voices in my head that say otherwise 😹]”

The moment it was posted, she regretted it. The princess didn’t want to drag these kind people into her problems. She didn’t want people to waste their time on her, but she wouldn’t mind a few kind words. What she needed, was reassurance; reassurance that she was worth something to help her trudge through. The princess put her phone down and went to do something else.

Night time came, and she was already in bed when the princess decided to check wattpad. Opening the app, she saw seventeen notifications from the site. She checked the comment notification, to read the reply, but the only new reply on that comment was, “[Oh no]” from the original commenter; there were no other new comments, just one.

“Wait… where are the other sixteen comments?” the princess questioned to herself.

She exited the comment section and back to her notifications when she found the other five notifications coming from her Messages. The princess never communed with anyone through her Messages before; which sparked her curiosity. She tapped on the Messages and found one person, the commenter.

There she saw sixteen messages of love, support, and comfort; many of them calling her beautiful and telling her that she was worth so much. The princess knew that people like that exist, heck she’s one of them, but she never thought one would actually acknowledge her cries, and message her, making sure she was okay.

Before she knew it, the princess was crying. These amazing words lifted her from the sea dark thoughts; it might not have reel her out completely, but it was enough for her head to come above water and breathe. She hugged her phone to her chest, tears staining her cheeks. She felt hope, happy, wanted, like she had a purpose keep fighting.

Holding her phone out, wiping tears from her eyes, she responded, “[Thankyou… Dammit I'm actually crying cause of this-- just-- Thanks]”

The comment might have sound aggressive, but it wasn’t meant to be. The commenter apologized for making her cry, but the princess reassured them that they were happy tears.

Since that day, they continued to talk, and the princess felt less alone. Though may not be physical, but the commenter was always there to offer emotional support and be her shoulder to cry on… When she can… There was an eighteen hour time difference between them. While the princess is up late at night, the commenter is working on homework, midday. Despite this, the princess would try her best to find that window where they can at least have a small conversation.

Time went on, and the princess began to develop feelings for her, the commenter. When they finally discussed it, they decided to get to know eachother more. The princess then began to call her, her prince (gender doesn’t matter shush!). Every time her prince text her, the princess’ heart would flutter.

The princess is unsure about most feelings… I am unsure about most feelings… But what I am sure about, is that you mean so much to me. When talking to you, I feel comfortable and safe. I may not have met you in real life yet, but I love you. You are so amazingly kind and beautiful, even when you deny it. I hope to get to know you more. You always sat through my ramblings when sh!t hits the fan and I feel as worthless as a dead clam, I want you to know that I’m here for you too; for when you’re struggling with a sh!tty day, for when you’re dealing with your inner demons, I’m here, to listen, to be your shoulder to cry on.

You’ll probably see this, I’m probably gonna send the link to you when I post this on Valentine’s day. I’m not going to reveal who you are because I’m not sure if you’d be okay with that and I kinda wanted this to be a surprise.You have no idea how happy it makes me to see a text from you. All I will say is, I love you.

And…

Happy Valentine’s day my beautiful prince ;3

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picsofshiro · 6 years

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Hey! So it's great that you're making a point to not tell people what they can or can't ship (honestly thanks, it's refreshing in this fandom), but I was wondering if you were planning on blocking people with bi/pan shiro hcs? Even if they don't interact in those terns with your posts? That's totally your call of course and I understand since you're uncomfy with it like with br*ganes/ant*s, I'm just curious and would like to know beforehand if that's gonna happen.

Thanks and no I won’t, not all the time at least, I’m only gonna block the br*ganes/ant*s folks because most of the time, there is no reasoning with crazy. After that if you’re just generally rude to me because of my personal headcanons that happens to have some canonical backing to it, then yes I would block those people simply because it comes off homophobic to me to be so uncomfortable with him being gay. I don’t need people freaking out like they did on my Keith blog where I was having some harmless fun headcanoning Keith as trans for example and people got so upset and it just shows their transphobia in that case. I feel the same with this but it’s just a stronger reaction from shippers and just seems really ugly to me when it’s nothing against you, you’re…you’re still allowed to ship your thing, it’s just never been my thing before or after the news. When I did research in college making a point in an argument, they’d usually ask me to get several sources to confirm a single point, and if I only had 1 then it probably wasn’t a point worth defending. So that’s why I’ve just been the way I am with this particular headcanon with 4 sources stating that he’s gay while acknowledging that 1 source inconsistency for open interpretation and it’s weirding me out that people cling to that one source while acting up towards anyone just stating their own thoughts and headcanons on their own blogs. The community has internal problems at times but it doesn’t mean I have to accept it when it’s directed towards me. Just be chill. I have some notps/neutral ships where i’m just…i guess it has its appeal…or I ship it and think its cute but I don’t ship it a whole lot? Then there’s the ones I’m definitely obviously interested in and you’d have to shut me up about it. But I’ve never shut down any notp asks. LIke sh*tt and sh*nk are notps but I’ve published asks for those. Incidentally I haven’t had any Sh*llura asks but that’s a big notp for me for sure but…I’d still WOULD HAVE published it as long as you weren’t an asshole of a person or something. Now it just makes me more uncomfortable with the new information. sh*ro x re*der stuff is still interesting and sometime even the ambiguous stuff was good too but….ANYWAY NAH I’m not gonna block people over bi/pan headcanons.

#like hell - we could just talk au's where he was growing into his gay identity #and like...struggling to date women and he was nice as always #but it just wasn't working out for him and his girlfriends would be understanding like oh okay yeah lets not put you through that #it would never be a bad thing just...oh hon you're gay...he's a disaster and a shy one so how fast do you think he'd figure his stuff out?#anon #anonymous #ask #answered #gay shiro thoughts #not a pic of shiro #edit: who knows if like he wanted to explore the bi or pan identity before he decided on gay and confirming ah yes - men #sexuality is fluid after all and right now - he's seems to be pretty gay

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dedskul · 3 years

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Another letter you'll never read

I like writing letters to you. I'm not really sure why, its not like you will ever read them. I don't know what it is about it. Maybe it's the way it makes me feel, maybe its not. It might be the way my imagination makes me think about it. Trying to imagine you reading it, what you would say to me afterwords.

For a while, you were the only person in my life who I feel really cared about me. You cared about me when I didn't even care about me. You tried to give me the best advice you could. I wanted to make you proud. I wanted to do all the things you wanted me to do. I wanted to show you that I was worth it.

Worth it. Worth it. Looking back I'm not even sure what that means. Was I ever "worth it?"

The way things ended makes me say no, but I know it wouldn't have ended the way it did if it wasn't true.

No, that's not right. It could have been worse, much worse. But it also could have been better, a lot better. It's the in-between that's hard. Did you ever really care? Were you just doing your job and it got to hard and you quit? Was I just a cash-grab willing to tell my story to anyone who would listen, not caring if there was money involved at all? Was I a commercial? A poster child for your success?

I was so mad at you for so long. I felt so used, manipulated by you. It felt like you took your time for years to get to know me. And not the fake me either, not the one behind the mask, not the one drowning her demons on anything she could get her hands on. The real me.

The me that was stubborn but soft, the me with hard knuckles and a vulnerable heart. The me that was alone and scared. The me that was scarred on the inside and out. The me that was afraid to be alone in the dark. The me that only wanted compassion but sought trouble and fights.

The last time I was sent to the mental hospital after a suicide attempt I was 18 and terrified. I didn't have a support system, that ran out a long time ago. I called you everyday. We would talk for as long as the nurses allowed. Those phone calls were the only reason I could mange to get myself up in the morning. Those phone calls were the only thing that made me want to get out of there and get better. That motivation that you gave me. The sense of self that I was finally developing. I started to want good things for myself again. For the first time in a really long time I wanted to live again.

When I got out, you started telling my story to more and more people, some I knew but most I didn't. I didn't care really, in fact I liked the way you spoke about me to your peers. You made me feel important, I liked going to fundraising events, getting dressed up and going on a stage. All the eyes on me. All these grown people staring at me with suits and ties. Dresses and gowns. Writing checks out to you and your job while I stood at a microphone with tears steaming down my cheeks was hard; but I felt like I had too, for you.

You had done so much for me at that point I felt like I owed you. I never said it out loud but I would do or say anything you wanted me too. It didn't start with fundraisers and crowds. It started with small things. Organize the library upstairs, clean the basement, pre-watch movies before movie night for inappropriate scenes, DJ the springs dances.

But the things you asked of me got bigger and bigger and soon I was doing fundraisers, going to your church with you on Sundays. Playing music for the bible study, giving kids music lessons, sitting in on corporate meetings, lobbing on capital hill with you for gay marriage rights. Training for and running an 8k with rosmy's logo stamped across my chest and donating all of the money back to you.

Slowly I had a full schedule of things week after week that I was doing for rosmy and for you. Things that I would soon look back on with sadness and regret.

I went form having the full schedule and a reason to wake up every day to sitting alone in my room wondering where it all went wrong. I felt like you disowned me. You shoved me away. All those years of you listening to me with tears in your eyes. It was almost like you were waiting to find the most precise and exact way to break me. It felt like you took all the things I had told you, all the things that you had seen, all the things that were whispered about in phone calls and late nights in the parking lot to make a dagger and plunge it straight into my heart.

I didn't have to kill myself because you did it for me.

You murdered me. You killed my soul. All the trust and hope I had for the future was gone in an instant. That final phone call, the one with some guy I barely knew who told me I would never be able to talk to you again. That phone call where I feel to my knees and cried and screamed for an explanation.

Why? Why would you do this to me? Why would you hurt me like this? Did I mean nothing to you? Was the last few years nothing but a sick fucking joke? Did you get what you wanted from me? Did it run its course? Was I no longer of use to you?

That last phone call happened in the summer but I had never felt so cold, so dead inside. To tell you the truth, I don't remember much after that. It's like my brain turned off, I was alive but I was going trough the motions. I do remember feeling out of breath like I couldn't get air into my lungs. I did the only thing I knew how to do and that was get high and try to feel alive again.

I ended up leaving where I was staying at the time with nothing but my phone and the clothes on my back and went to live at my dealers house. He told me I could live with him and he would provide me with all the drugs I wanted if I used my car to transport product to his other dealer friends. I was a mule being paid off with drugs and place to stay. I saw a lot of sketchy stuff go down, I saw a lot of things that no one should ever have to see, but I was getting what I wanted and so was he. He was really nice to me believe it or not, I even started dating his sister who also lived with us. But the days and nights started blending together. So much so in fact, I got a phone call from my father asking me if I was going to come home from Christmas. I laughed at him, Christmas, it was only like June or July maybe? Christmas? He informed me that It was actually Christmas eve and wanted to know if I would be home tomorrow.

Christmas. It was fucking Christmas? I hung up the phone without answering his question. How the fuck was it Christmas? What had felt like a few weeks had been a few months and I wasn't getting better at all. I had spent most of time sitting alone in the dark, shoving mystery powers up my nose, and sipping vodka out the bottle while watching promotional material for rosmy with us in it. I would black out to the sounds of me and you laughing, of us having a good time.

Those were some of my darkest days. And the funny thing is, you were the one that put me there, but you are also the one that brought me out of it. Watching those old videos, analyzing every second of the footage. Pausing the video when you smiled, pausing it when I smiled. Turning up the volume when you would talk about me. I was determined to find another answer to my questions.

Maybe you didn't do this to hurt me. Maybe you really did care about me. Maybe all the things you had talked me through, maybe all the hope you gave me was true. Maybe I really was worth it. Maybe I had to believe in myself like you had believed in me. Maybe I could try it on my own. Maybe I could get out of this actual hell and get pick myself up, put me back together again.

I did it you know? It's like 8 years later but I think I finally did it. I got myself out of there, I'm not that person anymore. I tried for so long to be someone that you could be proud of again, but I as I was doing that, I realized that If it was going to work this time I had to do it for me. Not you. I had to live my life because you were out there somewhere living yours and that's not fair to me.

I got out of there and left that corpse of the old me behind. I made a life for myself, by myself. I'm proud of all the work that I have done. I'm proud to look back on my life and see how far I really have come.

I still miss you, and I still think about you from time to time and what you would want me to do. I still want to live a life you would be proud of, but I still remember how you made me feel, and know that I can't rely on the memory of you to get me though things. I have to do it myself. You killed me, but I was the one who brought myself back to life. I need to give myself the credit for that. I'm living a life I never thought I could have, not for you, or the memory of you, but for me and the memoires I have yet to make.

I want to thank you. I don't believe in the phrase tough love but goddamn maybe it is a thing. Maybe you did this to me because deep down you knew that I was strong enough to make it on my own. That if I kept leaning on you, that I would never grow into the person I was meant to be. As much as it hurt I'm glad that It happened, I'm glad to be who I am now.

Thank you for seeing that in me years before I could see it in myself. Thank you for killing the parts of me that needed to die so I could grow bigger and brighter than I ever was.

Thank you.

#triggering content #triggering themes #writers on tumblr #my writing #letters ill never send #anotherletteryoullneverread #borderline #borderline personality disorder #living with cptsd #living with anxiety #living with borderline #living with depression #tw cptsd #actually cptsd #cptsd life #cptsd recovery

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