#and when the x-rays don’t show anything i wish they wouldn’t just give up and tell me i’m fine

[atozphantomsquadron]

XII- Family Figures

The next week was spent, in a sense, in emotional detoxification.  Ken accompanied me to a doctor’s appointment at Johns Hopkins with a general practitioner, Dr. Georgette Klein-Rosser, who was trusted both by Ken and by Yardley to keep my secret.  She spent an entire day taking x-rays, MRI scans, drawing blood and urine samples, and generally checking on my well-being and state of health.  During these scans, she tried her best to obscure her awestruck fascination with my transformation, out of sensitivity to my situation, but occasionally I could see it in her eyes: she wanted to know how it was possible for me to live.

I wondered that myself, after learning of the full effects of merging with 37A.  The x-rays showed that I was able to completely pull a pair of wings into a newly-created cavity running the entire length of my back, but would give the illusion that they simply “grew” out of me when I needed them.  She had no explanation for the one eye which remained unaffected, but noted that the structure of my left eye had changed drastically, which explained my newfound vision abilities.  I also now had a secondary stomach, which scans tried to quantify its purpose but were unsuccessful.  When I mentioned that 37A had been able to firecast, Dr. Klein-Rosser theorized that the second stomach might be a “furnace” where the firecasting materials are generated, making my original evaluation of this ability correct in that 37A was literally vomiting fire.

And now so could I.

The results of the testing were given as I and Ken sat in her office, looking out the window at another dreary Maryland winter day.  Dr. Klein-Rosser again tried to mask her amazement at the medical marvel my body had become, and took a sympathetic tone to her voice.

“Other than the major things that have occurred … your skin, your eye, your hands, the wings, the extra organ, and so on … you’re a perfectly healthy adult woman, lieutenant.  I don’t see any reason why you wouldn’t be able to do anything a normal woman can’t.”

I leaned forward gently at this.  “I can keep on living?”

She nodded enthusiastically.  “Please do, Ariel.  I know you mentioned in the file you saw that your friend Sonny was suffering organ failure, well I see none of that in you.  All of your organs, even that extra one, seem to be performing normally.  You’re perfectly able to perform physical tasks, mental tasks, and all the normal operations humans can.  Hell, I’d even go so far as to say you could carry a child full-term if you wanted to.”

That surprised me.  I was positive that I would never be able to have children … not that I wanted to at that point, mind you … because of the mutation, that something internally would have been too messed up for me to have a child at all.  I needed to know for sure.  “Are you positive about this, doctor?”

“As positive as I get about these things, Ariel.”  She turned toward Ken.  “Now what exactly is the CIA doing with such a magnificent specimen as Lt. Vibria here?”

Ken patted me on the shoulder.  “Keeping her safe, doc.  That’s the main point.”

In that moment I sensed a degree of caring I was not used to, definitely not from a man.  He almost seemed fatherly.  At that point I wished he could have been my real father, rather than the mystery man Julian.

During the time at the CIA, I became more and more attached to Ken, just because of the kindness he had shown me.  He felt handcuffed because he could not take me outside the building without an escort, so he tried his best to bring the outside in to me.  He brought me books, magazines, he even installed a new television in my quarters.  By chance, the first show that appeared when I first turned it on had a familiar face.

I had just turned on the power, and I heard a familiar voice, preaching.  I sat down immediately in front of the screen.  “No, it can’t be …”

Ken had just pushed the box for the new TV out of the room and re-entered.  “Ariel?  You all right?”  He walked over, looking concerned.

“I’m fine, I’m just in a state of disbelief.”  I motioned toward the screen.  There stood Pastor Abaster, at the familiar-looking sanctuary of the church back at Four Corners, a microphone headset looped around his ear, preaching the Word of God to a giant packed house.

Ken spotted the screen and nodded.  “Oh, I’ve heard of this fellow … Abaster, that’s his name.  Yeah, Alastair Abaster’s Hour of Holy Power.”

I looked up at Ken.  “You wouldn’t believe me, I bet, but he was my pastor back home.”

He sat down.  “You’re kidding!”

“No, I remember when his church was nothing but a little building.  He baptized me, he welcomed me and my mother into the church life.  It’s so great to see how far he’s come.”

Ken stroked his chin.  “Really, now?  I heard he’s one of the wealthiest evangelical ministers in the country, and he’s looking to expand worldwide.”

“I don’t blame him, Ken.  He was always so helpful, so hopeful and spiritual.”

At this, Ken turned a skeptical eye toward me for the only time.  “Are you sure we’re talking about the same guy?”  He turned up the volume, and that was when I first heard the rhetoric that the pastor had started spouting, even as his church expanded.

“… rise up, rise up and meet the Lord, for the time is coming, children, the time is coming that Jesus Christ will return for his chosen people.  Now you want to be among the chosen, right?  Who here doesn’t want to be among the chosen?  That would just be crazy, now wouldn’t it?  I tell you right now, ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, I tell you that Jesus, God almighty, I tell you that the Lord will be sending judgment down upon this world.  His judgment, His holy and right judgment, will separate the wheat from the chaff, the quick and the dead, the holy and the unholy, heathen from believer, sinner from saint, and he will carry us all home!”

Cheering erupted from the congregation.  Six toll-free numbers flashed across the screen, calling for donations.  I shivered in fear at the words I had heard my friendly pastor espouse.  Had he lost all of his hope as his ministry had expanded?  Or was this … this madness he was pouring out on the airwaves, was this what he had been meaning the whole time?  Unconsciously, I clung to Ken, the child begging for protection from her parent.  He turned the TV off and held me for a while, until my fears abated.

(Transcriber’s note: You may remember my friend mentioned CIBO #A13 was involved in the “disposal” of Alastair Abaster. At this most recent mention of Abaster’s name popping up in Ariel’s past, I had to bite my tongue in regards to asking about her relationship to the pastor, and simply hoped that further into her story there would be more details about how Abaster became a government target.—DAM)

At the end of the week, I was informed that I would be moving to more permanent quarters, albeit still in the CIA’s basement.  To my delight, I was also informed that Ken and Cyrus would both be moving into the same quarters, as we were being formed into our own CIBO team.  There was just the matter of one more member who had been recruited, who they were about to introduce me to, as it was her temporary quarters that would accommodate all four of us.

The first time I met her, she was extremely angry.  Of course, if I had been in her situation and left in those quarters, just about forgotten because paperwork had been lost for nearly a month, I probably would have been as enraged, to be honest.  What didn’t help was that she also had the animal instincts of a jungle cat, which made her doubly dangerous.  When Ken and Cyrus led me to the quarters and Cyrus opened the door, the first thing that came out was a pillow, flung with deadly accuracy because it was apparently the only weapon she could get a hold of.

Cyrus, for his part, seemed unfazed. He tossed the pillow aside casually.  “Nice throw.  You’ve been waiting for me, haven’t you?”

There was a low growl that came from inside the room, then a shrill voice dripping with attitude with an animalistic edge replied.  “Why am I still here?  What do you want?”

“Take it easy, lieutenant.  We came to let you know about your new assignment.”

I clutched closer to Ken, fearfully.  “Who is that?”

He patted my hand gently.  “Our fourth teammate.  She just doesn’t know it yet.  Don’t worry, she’ll adjust.”

Just as he said that, the door flew open and out came an orange and black streak, approaching threateningly and not stopping until she was nose-to-nose with Ken.  It took me a while to process that the thing was even humanoid, let alone female.  She was tall, taller than I am, with long flowing hair alternating with orange and black stripes.  Her entire body looked almost like Sonny’s had, orange and white fur coating her head to toe only interrupted by many black stripes, much like a tiger.  Almond-shaped eyes narrowed with rage as she launched into an obscenity-riddled tirade right in Ken’s face, something about a SEAL team she had been commanding who were under new command, now that she was there.  She stormed back into the barracks and displayed her displeasure with the circumstances by punching a dent into a solid steel wall.

At this point, Cyrus stepped forward to intervene before she caused more property damage.  “Please don’t get so violent with the place, we can’t afford to fix it on our paychecks and we all have to live here.”

This was another aspect of her personality: it changed at the drop of a hat.  Now she turned around with an intrigued expression.  “You mean …”

Ken nodded toward her, gently nudging me forward.  “Right.  We are your new team, and there’s one more to introduce.  This is Ariel Vibria, she’s just been transferred here.”

I caught the woman’s gaze.  Now she looked confused, like being snapped out of her rage trance had left her unsure of what to do.  I tried to help the situation by extending a hand to her, trying to be peaceful.  “I hope we can be friends.”

I watched as a long strand of orange and black hair drifted down in front of one of those wide cat eyes.  Her face took another annoyed expression as she blew the hair out of her face, then she finally grabbed my hand.

“Yeah, whatever.  Katrina Lazarus.  Call me ‘Kitty.’”

I did not know it at the time, but this female warrior, the beast who lived in this room with the strength of many, cursed like a castrated stevedore, and fought like the world was ending every single second, would come to be one of the best friends I have ever had, or ever will have.  Even a better friend than Heather Lisle had been, Kitty was willing to listen, to talk about things, and just to be friendly.  I gathered that maybe growing up she hadn’t had many female friends, and just judging by her personality and that she had previously been a SEAL commander that seemed to confirm my suspicion.

Together, this group did a miraculous thing in my life.  They loved me, honestly and truly.  They made me feel welcomed among their numbers.  Ken offered his support, unconditionally and without question.  Cyrus, the wizened sorcerer, offered his counsel and allowed me to tap into his vast reserves of experience and wisdom.  Kitty became the sister I had never had, who shared little trivial things like movies and big emotional things like heartbreak with me.  We even did the girly thing of sharing hairstyles … Kitty is responsible for the way I wear my hair today, because to use her words, if I have an above-standard look, I should go whole-hog with it.  It was Kitty who also got me thinking that perhaps I was not as monstrous as I thought I was.

Like most good things in my life, however, this too did not last.  Tragedy would strike again, yet out of the ashes of sorrow new life … and new love … would be born.

#phantom squadron #dinetah dragon

[natsfirecat]

Bring You Back

pairing: Natasha Romanoff x fem reader

summary: r and nat have happily been together for over a year, until everything comes crashing down. now, nat and the avengers will stop at nothing to get back the r they know

genre: angst w happy ending

word count: 10k

warnings: swearing, cheating, mind control/brainwashing, setting things on fire, Supergirl references, two sentences that could potentially be interpreted as implied smut but that wasn’t my intention, lmk if i need to add any more

A/N: this is set in the same universe as Operation Fire Widow but you don’t need to read that to understand this!

also this is kinda proofread, and by that i mean it’s 2am and i read over it but i’m tired and not thinking straight so the proofread doesn’t really count

”I swear, if you two don’t get married then I won’t believe in love anymore,” Carol said as she sat down on the chair across from you and Natasha.

You smiled as you felt your girlfriend’s arms around you tighten.

Carol couldn’t help but smile proudly at the two of you. 

You had been together for a little over a year, but you had been crushing on her for months beforehand. Carol, being one of your best friends, had been part of the big plan created to get the two of you together. Things didn’t end up going as planned, but of course it all worked out in the end. 

“Does anyone want a blanket before it starts?” Wanda asked as she entered the living room.

Carol and Peter both nodded at her, but Natasha simply shook her head.

“I have my blanket right here,” she whispered into your ear.

You grinned, then closed your eyes. You purposely used your pyrokinesis to heat yourself up to just the right temperature so your girlfriend could be warm. 

She leaned forward, planting a gentle kiss on your neck, causing you to giggle. 

In the past year that you were together, Natasha evidently found out about your love for Supergirl.

It took some convincing, but eventually you were able to get her to binge watch the show with you so she could catch up to the live episodes.

“Y’know, you’re kinda like Kara if you think about it,” Natasha had told you. “You’re a happy little ray of sunshine, but you can also be a powerful badass when you want to,”

You smiled at her, giving her a quick kiss.

“I think you’re like Lena,” you replied, smiling at her. “You don’t have powers, but you’re still a badass and the team would basically be lost without you. You’re also super smart, and not to mention the fact that you both have gorgeous green eyes. Plus, you and Lena both act like you’re all dark and scary, but deep down you’re a softie,”

She rolled her eyes at the last sentence, prompting you to giggle before kissing her once again.

“So if I’m Kara and you’re Lena, then that means that you have reason to ship Supercorp now!”

“I already ship them, detka.” She told you, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. “Lena clearly makes her smile a lot more than Mon-El ever did. I wish he never came back in the first place, but Lena did right by making the device that required him to leave Earth,”

“I’m so proud of you.”

Now, Natasha had caught up so she could watch the episodes live with you Carol, Wanda, and Peter. 

The current season wasn’t great, but you had been watching it since the pilot of the show first aired and you certainly weren’t going to stop now.

“Damn it,” you heard Natasha whisper as William appeared on the screen. “I don’t want to see him,”

You smiled, then placed your hands over hers, which were currently resting on your lower stomach. 

“He’s just taking up screen-time that should be going to Nia, or Alex or Kelly,” she said to you.

You nodded in agreement, softly rubbing your thumb over her knuckles.

You leaned back father into her, allowing her to place a few kisses on your head. 

“I love you, Natty,” you said softly, looking up at her. 

“I love you too,” she whispered back, unable to stop the smile on her face.

“Hey, lovebirds!” Carol said, pausing the show. “Do your little sappy couple stuff later, we’re about to get a Supercorp moment,”

You breathed out a chuckle, then turned your attention back to the screen.

-

After the episode ended, Natasha insisted on carrying you back to your shared bedroom because of how tired you were.

You nodded, allowing her to effortlessly pick you up and take you upstairs to bed. 

Luckily, you had decided to wear your pajamas before going down for Supergirl, so you didn’t have to change now that you were as tired as you were.

She gently set you down on the bed, climbing next to you as soon as she changed into her own pajamas.

Her arms had become your home at this point. You scooted yourself closer to her, placing your head underneath her chin as you wrapped your arms around her. 

A yawn escaped your mouth as you began to entangle your legs with hers.

“Natty?” You asked her, not quite ready to fall asleep yet. She nodded for you to continue. “When do you think Bucky’s gonna ask Steve out? I can tell he likes him. Maybe we should do something for him like my friends did with me last year,”

Her breath had hitched the moment you mentioned Bucky’s name.

“What?” You asked her, eyes opening wider now. 

“I don’t think Bucky likes Steve,” she said. Not in her soft voice she normally used with you. But with her voice she used with everyone else.

“What makes you say that?” You asked, your smile faltering a bit. 

“He just doesn’t,”

“And how would you know that?”

“Don’t worry about it, let’s just go to sleep.”

You backed away from her, raising yourself up so you were on your elbows now.

“Why are you being so defensive?”

“I’m not!”

“You are,”

“Y/N I told you, don’t worry about it!”

Her eyes had widened, and she almost looked afraid. And that made you afraid.

“Natty, what’s going on?”

She said nothing, but broke her eye contact.

“Natasha,” you said, your own tone changing a bit too. It wasn’t your happy, cheerful tone you had most of the time. It was the tone you used while on the battlefield, or during interrogations. “Tell me what’s going on right now.”

“I can’t,” she said at almost a whisper. Tears formed in her eyes, threatening to fall down.

“Tell me, or I’ll ask Bucky myself,”

“No, don’t!” She begged. “Please don’t! It didn’t mean anything! You’re the one I love!”

Your heart fell, as she practically confirmed your fear.

You were wide awake now. 

“No,” you got out. “No it’s not true,”

You pulled yourself out of her grasp and got out of the bed. You sped-walked down to the end of the hall, Natasha following after you.

Your fists were balled so tightly, you were sure your nails would leave a mark; they were almost drawing blood.

You had to take a deep breath before knocking on his door, you didn’t want to set it on fire.

“Yeah?” He asked, opening it. His smile fell as soon as he saw Natasha’s tear-struck face.

“What did you guys do?” You asked shakily, looking between them.

“You told her?!” Bucky said angrily. 

“No, no, no, no, no,” you said softly, your stomach already twisting. “It’s true?”

“I promise it didn’t mean anything,” Natasha cried desperately. She pulled your arm back, flinching at the heat radiating off of it, but she didn’t let go. “It was only once, we just had a bit too much to drink, and-”

You pulled your arm out of her grasp, already feeling the tears falling down your cheeks.

“When?” 

“Two weeks ago,” Bucky answered, earning a glare from Natasha.

“Y/N, baby, please,” she said as she reached out for you again. “I love you, and I want you,”

You couldn’t even look at her.

Without another word, you made your way back to your bedroom. Not the one you shared with Natasha, but the one you had before you and her got together. 

At this point you began to hyperventilate. You could hear the banging coming from the other side of your door, but you weren’t going to open it. 

You lay facing down on your bed, letting the sobs escape as your breathing only got faster.

Before you knew it, the pillow you were clinging onto had completely caught on fire. 

“Shit,” you said, shaking it to try to get rid of it. 

Unfortunately, your grip on it only made it worse. So you tossed it onto the bed.

Bad idea.

Now the entire bed was on fire. 

“Oh, fuck it!” 

Luckily, Tony had used his nanotech to upgrade all of your suits. So with a tap to your watch, your fireproof superhero suit began to appear. 

If you could smother the flames with something that wouldn’t catch on fire, maybe it could work.

It did not.

The fire alarm was now going off. 

“Fuck, shit, fuck,” you muttered.

You closed your eyes, holding your hand out to attempt to use your powers to put the flames out, but it didn’t work. You could still hardly breathe, and your vision was still blurry with tears.

Finally, you fell to your knees, letting out a scream that carried so many emotions. 

When you opened your eyes, the flames were gone. Your hands were shaking, your chest was burning, and the fire alarm was still going off, but the flames were gone. 

You let out a shaky sigh.

You stood up, ready to open the door, but you stopped yourself right before you grabbed the handle.

You couldn’t be here anymore. You wouldn’t. Not after what she did to you. 

You figured you’d call one of your childhood friends, and stay with her for a bit. You two had always had one another’s backs, so you didn’t doubt that she’d help you.

You made your way back to the door, silently praying that no one would still be waiting. 

You wish had half-come true. Natasha wasn’t right outside your door anymore, but she was down the hall heading toward you. It looked like she was carrying something to open your door, since she wouldn’t have been able to do it herself with the material it was.

You quickly broke eye contact with her, then dashed down the other end of the hall. You heard her footsteps, but you didn’t stop running. 

“Y/N, please!” She called, finally catching up to you as you stood outside yours and her bedroom door.

“Get away from me,” you choked out. 

You just needed to grab your phone so you could call your friend. You needed your phone so you could get away from the person who had caused you all the pain you were feeling.

You opened the door, wasting no time in finding your phone right where you left it on the nightstand. 

Unfortunately, your eyes met hers as you turned back around.

“Please, let’s just talk about this! Y/N, I love you!”

“I wish I believed that.”

You brushed past her, leaving her stunned. 

You couldn’t face anyone right now. Once you got to your friend’s place, you’d text your other friends and let them know that you were safe. 

But for now, you exited the building without another word. 

You were thankful for your fire powers at this moment. You could see your breath in front of you, so you knew it had to be cold for anyone without pyrokinesis.

Once you got far enough away from the compound (you knew you were far enough when you could no longer hear the fire truck that had automatically been sent over by F.R.I.D.A.Y.) you pulled your phone out, and scrolled through your contacts until you found your friend.

You clicked the call button, holding the phone up to your ear.

“Please pick up, please pick up, please pick up...”

The phone rang a few more times as you waited for her, but you never found out if she actually picked up or not; as you suddenly lost consciousness at the feeling of a blow to your head. 

Part of you tried to fight whatever was happening to you, hearing the voices as your body was dragged around. But the other part of you thought about what Natasha had done to you. That part didn’t fight.

And that part won.

6 months later

”We have intel on a HYDRA base formed near here, responsible for multiple civilian casualties and experimentation,” Steve told everyone. 

Natasha had been staring at the empty seat at the table, once filled with your presence. 

“Nat,” Steve said to her, sighing.

“What?” She asked, being brought back to reality.

“Look, Nat,” he said softly. “We need you for this. We need the whole team.”

She said nothing, but nodded at him. 

She had to restrain herself from shifting her gaze back to your empty chair. She also had to restrain herself from looking at anyone but Steve to avoid everyone else’s lingering glares.

Most missions didn’t need the whole team, but because no one had been to this base before, they didn’t know what to expect. Because of that, it was better to be prepared and have the whole team rather than risking a few people for what could be too much for them.

The base was only about 30 minutes on the Quinjet, so definitely within somewhat close proximity. 

Steve sent Wanda and Natasha down first. 

Neither of them said anything to each other. Wanda had hardly said two words to her at all since you left. She missed you, and she blamed her for your leaving. 

Tony and Carol followed close behind. 

Natasha held her gun at her side, holding it up at every corner they passed. 

Of course, she wasn’t really thinking about this mission, or about HYDRA.

She was thinking about you.

She was thinking about how you would go out of your way to hold her hand while she was nervous on missions. She didn’t get nervous until you.

Before you, she never really felt that she had a reason to be nervous.

But once she was with you, she would always get scared that she wouldn’t make it back to you, or you wouldn’t make it back to her. 

Even after you left, her nerves didn’t go away. 

With her powers, Wanda could sense Natasha’s anxiety. She was pretty good at hiding it, but her thoughts were loud enough for Wanda to tell otherwise. 

They rounded the next corner, making their way into a room filled with computers. 

“We’re in,” Wanda said through her earpiece. 

Natasha made her way to one of the computers, and began to type away to get what they needed.

If she hadn’t been the cause for you leaving, Wanda, along with the team in general, would actually feel bad for the assassin. She hardly went on missions anymore, unless they absolutely needed her. 

She could hide her emotions when people looked her straight in the face, but they all knew that she had been miserable since you had left.

Before you, she didn’t smile very often. When she did, it was usually just a small grin. But once she was with you, she couldn’t help but smile almost all the time around you. She wouldn’t hesitate to fully smile with you, especially when you were always smiling at her.

“Oh my god, Natasha,” Wanda said, letting out a long, frustrated sigh. “For just one second, could you stop thinking about…”

Natasha perked up when she noticed that Wanda didn’t finish her sentence.

She turned around to see what she was looking at, causing her jaw to drop instantly.

“Y/N…”

-

“Let go of me!”

“No! I don’t belong here!”

“What did you do to me? Why can’t I use my powers?”

“Get away from me!”

Your cries echoed through everyone’s ears as you were restrained in a small cell.

Your plan was to burn the two redheads before they could get HYDRA’s important files, but they had failed to inform you that one of them had powers too. Except her powers allowed her to constrict you in mid-air as you fought against her. 

She eventually put you into some sort of trance, so you wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone. 

You weren’t sure why everyone was looking at you the way they did, but you figured it had something to do with them being Avengers.

In your months as a HYDRA agent, they always warned you of the Avengers. They said they couldn’t let you get anywhere near them. 

You weren’t sure why, I mean, you could literally control fire with your mind. Had you been paired against anyone other than the redheaded witch, you would’ve easily won. 

“Y/N,” came the voice of Captain America.

“That’s not my name. I don’t know who Y/N is,” you replied, sending him a harsh glare.

“Y/N, we know this isn’t you. We’re going to do everything in our power to get you back,”

You scoffed,

“This is who I am. Why don’t you just kill me and get it over with? Especially since you haven’t even given me the liberty to be able to defend myself, by taking my powers,”

He sighed,

“We’re not going to kill you. Tony designed this cell to counteract abilities like yours. It’s not doing any damage to you, but you won’t be able to use them. We can’t allow you to have your powers while you’re like this,”

“Then just fucking kill me!”

He sighed again. 

“I’m going to leave you in here for the night, but we’ll be back tomorrow,”

He waved goodbye, and even gave you a small smile.

You weren’t sure why he did it, but you only glared back.

-

“I can’t do it, Clint,” Natasha said, pacing around in circles.

Clint was the only one who didn’t completely shun her and shut her out after finding out what happened. Part of him wanted to, but he knew she needed somebody. Even if it was just one person. And if that one person had to be him, then so be it.

“You don’t have to do it now, especially since she’s not… the Y/N we know. But you can’t avoid her forever.”

“She left me. For all we knew, she could’ve been dead. She made no contact, she clearly didn’t want us to find her. I thought…. I thought she was gone forever. But now HYDRA has her, and it’s my fault.”

“Nat, you can’t blame yourself for this. Her abilities are unique, so it’s not surprising that they would target her like this,”

“It is my fault. If I hadn’t… done what I did, if I hadn’t been so fucking stupid, she wouldn’t have ran off like that. She wouldn’t have been taken.”

“You’re right, you were fucking stupid. But you didn’t cause HYDRA to take her and mess with her mind. That’s on them, not you,”

She shifted her gaze to the floor as tears began to form in her eyes.

“I’ve missed her so much, Clint,” she said, her voice breaking. “I wish I could take it all back. I wish it never happened. I wish I could just hold her in my arms and never let go,”

He took a step closer to her, then wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close as she began to sob. 

Just then, Steve began to make his way back, passing the kitchen.

“Anything?” Clint asked as he walked by, still holding Natasha close as she continued to cry.

Steve gave a solemn look, then shook his head no.

When he saw the way Natasha was crying, he felt a pang of sympathy for her. Yes, she had broken the heart of one of the nicest, and overall universally liked person, but he couldn’t help but want to comfort her in this moment. She was once his friend too.

Instead, he continued to the meeting room to consult the rest of the team and inform them of your state.

-

Steve kept his promise about returning. He was only there for a few minutes before Tony Stark stood in front of your cell. 

He looked like he was about to throw up.

“So,” he began, stepping forward. “Do you know why you’re here, any of this look familiar to you?”

“God, for someone who’s supposed to be a genius, you’re really fucking stupid,”

“Look, whatever HYDRA’s told you isn’t true. They’re filling your head with lies. Both literally and figuratively.”

“Sure they are,”

“Well then why don’t you tell me what all you remember of your life before HYDRA?”

“Nothing,” you said with a shrug. “But that doesn’t mean they’re lying to me. They’re the ones who gave me my pyrokinesis, which you took from me, but the memory loss was a side effect.”

“They didn’t give you your powers, Y/N, you got them when you were a sophomore in college. Freak accident with something that wasn’t supposed to be in your chemistry class, but it ended up working out for you. You became an Avenger two years ago,”

“Don’t call me that. Don’t call me Y/N.”

“Fine then. What would you like me to call you? What name did HYDRA give you?”

“I don’t have a name. I have an identity.”

“Alright then, what’s your identity?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Cute. Alright, that’s enough for now,”

He left you. It seemed you had annoyed him enough.

No one came by for the rest of the day.

Well, that’s not entirely true. One person, who looked like he was just a kid, stopped by to slip food through the tray.

“Here you go, Miss.” 

He didn’t call you the same thing Tony and Steve did. You were grateful for it.

But as soon as his eyes met yours, they instantly filled with tears and he ran out.

You had always been well-liked among all the Avengers, but Tony began to have a soft spot for you when you became friends with Peter. You were a bit older than him, but you always acted like a big sister to him, and thought of him as your little brother. Soon enough, Tony began viewing you as a daughter figure.

He didn’t like the idea of Peter going in there with you, but he was outvoted when the kid volunteered to bring your food.

He knew he was right when he saw him running back, rubbing his shirt against his eyes to wipe away the tears.

For the next week, it became a routine. Steve and Tony would come by, and try to get you to talk, but ended up just going in circles. You were beginning to wish they actually had killed you.

But after the first week, something changed. Two women walked in. 

You recognized one of them as the redhead who used her powers on you, and the other was a taller blonde who looked vaguely familiar.

“What now?” You asked, sitting against the wall. 

Neither of them made clear eye contact. 

“You’re the one who suspended me in the air while your teammates fucking captured me,” you said, pointing at Wanda. 

“We didn’t capture you, HYDRA did,” she told you.

“That seems to be a common theme going around, and it’s getting tiring. But you know what? Go ahead, tell me more about how they’re lying to me when they’re the ones who made me into what I am today,”

“We’re not here to talk about HYDRA,” Carol said, looking up. 

“Oh? Well then by all means, do continue,”

She took a deep breath in,

“You were more than our teammate, you were our friend. So if you’re tired of us telling you that your life is a lie, we’ll tell you about your life here,”

You shrugged. You were bored. If what they said would keep you entertained, then you didn’t have a problem with it.

“I was the one who trained you with your powers. When we found you, you could hardly control them at all. You had run away from everything and everyone, trying to isolate yourself so you wouldn’t hurt anyone. The instant we saw you, we knew you were a good person. You had this look in your eyes-”

“Oh really?” You asked. “Where’s this look now?”

“Gone. Buried somewhere in your mind, along with the rest of your memories,”

You between both of them,

“Tell me why you’re really here,”

The truth was that Wanda believed she could somehow try to use her powers to get your memories back by searching through your head. She stood there, staring at you, trying to find anything that would show your old memories, but there was nothing. 

If that wouldn’t work then it couldn’t hurt if they at least attempted to tell you a little bit more about your life here.

“I was there when you controlled fire for the first time, completely on your own. You were in control. You couldn’t believe it, but all I remember is feeling so incredibly proud of you. We kept working together, and soon, I was able to call you one of my best friends.”

You could see her crying, and you began to feel for her. You weren’t sure why; she was an Avenger. An Avenger who betrayed HYDRA nonetheless, but part of you wanted to comfort her. 

“I’m sorry,” you said. You instantly regretted it. You couldn’t let them manipulate you like this.

“When I joined the team, you were the most welcoming person here. You had joined just a few weeks before me, but I could tell that everyone already loved you. It didn’t take long for me to love you too.” Carol said, her eyes filling with tears too.

They had to be lying, but you weren’t sure why part of you felt such a pull toward them. It had to be part of Wanda’s mental manipulation. That was the only explanation you could think of.

“The boy,” you began. “If what you’re saying is true, I-” you stopped yourself. “Y/N, was also close with him, right?”

“Yeah,” Wanda told you. “You and Peter become close fast. You originally bonded over TV shows you both liked, which turned into a thing for the four, and eventually five, of us to watch together,”

You still didn’t fully believe them, but if hearing about your supposed life would entertain you, then you’d keep listening.

This pattern also lasted a week. They would come in for about an hour per day, and tell you stories about your life here. 

They told you about the time Wanda decided to teach you guys how to bake. You decided that waiting for it to heat up took too much time, so you held the pan in your hands and heated it up with your powers. They ended up burning to a crisp.

They told you about the time all of Peter’s friends ended up being out of town for his school dance, so you agreed to go with him. Wanda and Carol had managed to sneak in as well, to check on the two of you but everything ended up being fine.

They told you about the time you tried to high-five Tony after a mission, and his suit registered you as a threat at first because of how you jumped up to meet him, so it ended up blasting you 20 feet. 

They told you about how you once calmed down the Hulk and turned him back into Bruce simply by smiling and waving at him. 

They told you about the time where Steve made a political comment, and you slammed your hand on the table and spent the next two hours educating him on important political topics. They said you had practically radicalized the man from the 40’s.

-

One day, neither of them came in. It was surprising, as you had actually begun to slightly enjoy their company. Slightly.

Instead, Peter came in. He looked a little less nervous than the first time, but he managed to look you in the eye.

“Y/N…” he said. 

Your stomach turned as an idea popped into your head. It was a terrible idea, and would most definitely hurt him. But it would get you out of here. It would allow you to get out, and get back to HYDRA.

“Peter!” You said, perking up in a high-pitched voice.

“Y/N?” He was confused now.

“Peter, Peter, Peter! I remember now! It’s all coming back to me! We were friends! Close friends, you were practically my brother! I remember it all!”

You strained yourself to keep your face smiling and optimistic.

He turned his head to the side, thinking about it.

It had to work. He had to believe you so he would let you out.

“Peter, I remember going with you to your dance! Your friends weren’t there, so I went with you. We ended up having a great time, especially when Wanda and Carol made an appearance too!”

He reached forward, about to open the cell when he stopped himself. 

He wanted to believe you so bad. He wanted his sister back.

“Tell me about the little boxes,” 

This had to be a code of some sort. Shit.

The Y/N they were describing seemed to be a bit clumsy, losing control of her powers and getting blasted by Tony while trying to high five him. You could picture Peter being similar to that too.

“I tripped over a bunch of tiny boxes, and then you fell right after me. We ended up laughing about it for hours,”

He sighed, looking away from you.

The truth was that little boxes were a Supergirl reference. You and Peter were both generally optimistic people, so you had confessed to each other that there was a lot of pressure with that to keep up the team’s spirits. So when you both saw Lena talk about how she uses the little boxes as her coping mechanism, you both knew it was unhealthy. 

Luckily, you came up with a healthy version. You both could keep up your optimism with the team, but you had a free pass with each other. Undoing the little boxes, if you will. 

He couldn’t bring himself to look back at you. He couldn’t believe he almost let you trick him like that. 

So he walked out without another word. 

Tony was waiting for him, and immediately pulled him in for a hug when he saw his face.

“I thought she was back for a moment,” he said. “I thought we got her back,”

Tony let out a long sigh. No one could get through to you, not even your best friends.

They only had one option left now; Natasha.

-

“You can do this, Nat,” Clint told her. 

It had been four weeks since you’d been in your cell. Over a week since anyone from the team tried talking to you. She was the only option left.

She didn’t want to do it at first, she still didn’t. 

But Clint eventually convinced her. He told her that she owed it to you to at least try. Whether it be out of her love for you, or because she hurt you, she owed it to you. 

He walked with her until they reached the door. From there, she had to go on her own.

She walked down the hall, holding her arms around herself.

She took a deep breath, then finally stepped in front of your viewpoint.

You sat with your back against the wall, eating the last bit of your lunch.

“Hey,” you said, giving a simple wave.

She tried to steady her breaths before looking directly at you.

“You were there when they took me back here,” you told her. “I remember. You were at one of the computers, and I was about to attack you and Wanda before she suspended me in the air and you guys brought me here,”

“Remember anything else?”

“No. Were you someone important? I thought they were done sending in all of Y/N’s friends,”

“We weren’t friends,”

“Oh?”

“I loved you. Part of me always will,”

“You mean to tell me that I pulled the Black Widow? Okay, now I know you guys are lying to me,”

“Peter, Wanda, and Carol were the ones who devised the big plan to get us together. They wanted to figure out a way for me to need your warmth, so you could be my personal heater. It didn’t go like that, and you accidentally burned me while we were dancing. Then I found out you liked me, and the rest is history.”

“You got with Y/N after she burned you?”

“First of all, I know you didn’t actually mean to burn me. Second of all, I had liked you for some time too. When we first met, I instantly felt this pull toward you. Your smile made me feel things I never thought I could feel. You always went out of your way to make me smile. I thought it was because you were like that with everyone; but as soon as I learned about your feelings for me, I couldn’t believe it. I called you down the next day to ask you out, and that’s when we had our first kiss,”

“Sounds great,” you said nonchalantly, knowing it hurt her. “But if you claimed to love me so much, why didn’t you look for me?”

Her breath hitched.

“Oooh, I hit a nerve there,” you said with a chuckle. “What? Did it happen in the middle of a fight or something?”

That’s when the reality of the situation hit her. Yes, she would do everything in her power to get you back, but would you still want her even when she did get you back? You were right, you had left because Natasha had broken your heart. How would she face you again once you remembered it all, once you remembered what she did to you?

So she changed the subject.

“Did the others tell you about your favorite shows?”

“They told me that we would all watch shows together, but didn’t give specifics,”

“Your favorite was Supergirl. I always thought you were a lot like the main character, Kara. You just had this sunshine in your eyes, just like her.”

“And now?”

“Well, I guess you’ll see once you get to the sixteenth episode of season one.”

“When I get to that episode? So you’re resorting to TV shows for my memory?” 

You couldn’t help but laugh, which brought her even more pain.

“I thought you wouldn’t mind the idea, I imagine it gets boring for you in here,”

“No, no, you’re right, it does. Look, if you want me to watch it, I’ll watch it, but…” you burst into laughter again. 

It was pathetic how the Black Widow was so determined to get her sweet little Y/N back. 

But, you were willing to let her try. You couldn’t wait to see it crash and burn.

-

“You really think I’m like Kara?” You asked her the next day as she came to see you. “I’m five episodes in, and she’s the most annoying character ever.”

Natasha sighed. She’d get you back eventually. 

“Look, I’m just saying that they could’ve made her more interesting. Like, she has the potential to do so much more but instead all she does is be giddy and fake quirky.”

The truth was, part of the reason you had loved Kara so much originally was because you were able to relate to her in a way because of your powers. She suppressed them for years, just as you had tried to, but eventually embraced them and became Supergirl. Even if it was fictional, it’s a big part of the reason you found the courage to learn how to use your powers and become an Avenger. And of course, you did happen to have a personality just like hers. 

Now, all you could do was roll your eyes at the character. 

A few days later, Wanda eventually came back. She had a few brownies with her. 

“What’s this for?” You asked her.

“You wanted to surprise Natasha with something sweet after she came back from a mission, but you couldn’t do it on your own. You had already made three failed batches, so you knocked on my door at 2:00 in the morning asking for help. I wanted to say no, because I was asleep and didn’t want to get up. But I saw the look on your face, and I just couldn’t say no to you. So I got up and helped you make them. They ended up turning out, and Natasha loved them.”

“And you’re giving me this because you think it’ll jog my memory?”

“Partially, but it’s also because I still care about you, Y/N. Even while you’re like this, I know my best friend is in there somewhere. I made them, and it didn’t feel right not to try at least,”

You shrugged as she slipped them through the opening to give them to you. 

You took a bite, and instantly closed your eyes at the taste.

“Oh my god, Wands, this is amazing,” you told her as soon as you swallowed.

She had the biggest smile on her face. Not because you liked the brownies, but because you called her Wands. 

You were coming back. 

-

Two weeks later, Natasha was making her daily trip to you. You smiled at her, happy almost happy to see her.

“God, Lena’s so pretty,” you said to her. “Her eyes are just perfection,”

Natasha let out a chuckle,

“Glad to see you still have an appreciation for green eyes,”

“How could I not? I really hope Kara gets with her,”

She laughed again,

“Come on, I have a surprise for you,”

“What?”

She smiled, then unlocked your cell door. You turned your head, giving her a confused look.

She stepped into your cell, holding a bracelet of some sort.

“As much as I’d like to fully trust you to take you outside of your cell, I can’t. So this replicates the energy in this room, keeping you from using your powers,”

You shrugged, then held out your arm for her to put it on. 

Once it was secure, she motioned for you to follow her. 

She led you through the compound, resisting the urge to grab your hand and interlace your fingers with hers. She knew you would come back eventually, and all she wanted to do was hold you in her arms when you did. 

“Anything look familiar?” She asked with a hopeful tone. 

You felt a pit in your stomach as you shook your head no. You gave an apologetic look, then continued following her. 

She said nothing, continuing to lead you through the compound until she opened a door, leading up to the roof. 

She gave you a smile, then turned her head toward a blanket and pillows with a basket full of food.

“What’s this for?” You asked as you sat down across from her.

“I dunno, I wanted to do something for you. You’ve been confined to that cell for so long, I figured it’d be nice to bring you up here,”

She reached into the basket, then handed you a peanut butter sandwich. 

Her smile widened as you took a bite out of it, and you couldn’t help but return her smile. 

She reached across, and placed her hand on yours. 

“I’m sorry,” she said immediately, starting to pull it back. You gripped it tighter so she wouldn’t pull back.

“It’s okay,”

You didn’t have your memories, but you knew that you and Natasha were a thing. It amazed you how the woman with a deadly reputation gave you such a soft smile. 

Holding her hand felt familiar. It felt like home. 

And you loved hated it.

“Why are you doing this, Natasha?” You asked her, rubbing small circles on the back of her hand. “Don’t tell me it’s just another effort to jog my memory,”

She looked down at your intertwined hands for a moment before meeting your eyes again.

“Because I love you,” she said honestly. “You were my everything, Y/N,”

You smiled at her again, feeling fluttery nerves build up in your stomach.

So you muttered something in Kryptonian.

“What was that?”

She pulled away, staring at you wide-eyed.

“What?” You asked, disappointed she pulled her hand away.

“You didn’t learn that from HYDRA,”

“What are you talking about?”

“What you just said to me, it’s a made up language,”

“All languages are made up,”

“No,” she rolled her eyes. “It’s Kryptonian, from Supergirl. You and Peter taught yourselves the language from online websites. You always called me that after you learned it. You’re remembering,”

She grabbed your hand once again, then leaned in closer. You reached out and grabbed her other hand, so you had both of your hands connected to hers between the two of you. 

“My beautiful sunset,” you said in English this time. 

She leaned forward even closer, inches away from closing the gap between yourselves. 

“Wait,” you told her, pulling back. “I don’t have all my memories, but I know that we were together.” She nodded for you to continue. “I also know that there was some sort of fight before HYDRA. I need to know what happened, Natasha,”

Her breath became shaky as she disconnected your hands,

“Not now,”

“No, I want to know. I need to know. Because as much as I hate it, I’m feeling something for you. But I don’t want to, especially if I don’t know what happened. So tell me,”

She took a deep breath in, then stood up.

“I think we’ve spent enough time here, let’s take you back,”

“No! Just tell me what happened!” 

“Don’t worry about it, let’s just go back.”

“Why are you being so defensive?”

“I’m not!”

“You are,”

“Y/N I told you, don’t worry about it!”

“Natasha,” you challenged. “Tell me what’s going on right now.”

“I can’t.” 

-

That was three days ago, and Natasha hadn’t come to see you since. You missed her. 

You had continued to binge your way through Supergirl, almost finishing the fifth season.

“I killed my brother for you! For our friends, don’t you understand what you’ve done?” You quoted perfectly. It didn’t surprise you at this point. You had those memories, and they would show up. But you couldn’t think about any past memories, sometimes they just showed up; like this scene and like the Kryptonian.

Your thoughts were interrupted as you looked up to see a man you hadn’t talked to before,

“Ah, the Winter Snowman,”

“Winter what now?”

You laughed, turning your body to fully face him.

“I know who you are. HYDRA’s beloved Winter Soldier. I just think Winter Snowman is funnier. So, what brings you here?”

“I haven’t talked to you yet,”

“Why’s that? Did we not like each other or something?”

“We were friends,” he told you, looking at the floor. “Once, I was up in the middle of the night because of nightmares, and you happened to be up too for whatever reason. You saw me, and made me hot chocolate. When you saw that I wasn’t exactly okay, you hugged me until my breathing evened out and I was okay. After that, it became a routine for you to make hot chocolate every time I wasn’t doing so great. Sometimes we’d sit in silence, and sometimes I’d talk to you. But you were always there. I could always trust you.”

You smiled, realizing that you really were an incredibly nice person before HYDRA. 

“So why haven’t you come to see me yet? Natasha’s been the most, except for the last few days. What’s been stopping you?”

He took a deep breath in,

“I came to apologize.”

“Apologize? What for?”

“I’m part of the reason this happened to you. I’m part of the reason you left.”

“Really? I thought that was Natasha. All I know is that something happened between her and me and she won’t tell me,”

“She did hurt you, through me if you think about it. I still hate myself for it. I’m so, so, sorry, Y/N. I don’t know what came over me, but all I know is that I would take it back if I could.”

“No. Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“I’m so sorry.”

He left as all the pain and emotion came to your chest. You could see your vision blurring as tears started to form. 

“No,” you said softly, falling to your knees. 

Your breathing got heavier as you practically crawled to the glass.

“Get me Natasha!” You cried, banging your fists against the wall. “I want Natasha here!”

Tears began to stream down your face as you continued banging. You weren’t sure how long it was like that, but she eventually came running. 

F.R.I.D.A.Y. had alerted her that you were in distress and calling for you. She assumed you had somehow gotten hurt, especially since you were huddled on the floor.

She opened the door without hesitation and sat down next to you.

“I’m here,” she said gently.

“Tell me it’s not true,” you said, your voice breaking.

Her heart dropped.

“Tell me you didn’t make me think what we had was real, just for you to cheat on me with Bucky. Tell me you didn’t make me fall in love with you for it to be fake.”

“It wasn’t fake, Y/N. I did love you! I still do.”

You scooted away from her.

“Stop lying. Just tell me the truth; did you or did you not cheat on me with Bucky?”

She let out a few shaky breaths, feeling her own tears form.

“I did.” You let out a sob at her words. “I did and I regret it more than anything. I don’t know what came over me. All I know is that I want you and I wish I never did it,”

You let out a few more sobs as you cried harder. 

Out of instinct, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around you as you sobbed into her chest.

“No.” You told her. “Get away from me. I don’t want comfort from the person who’s the reason for my pain.”

She nodded, wiping her own tears away.

“Y/N, it was the biggest mistake of my life. I’ll never forgive myself for it, but I still love you so much. You’re everything to me,”

You stood up, your harsh glare meeting her once again.

“You were right, Natasha,” you said to her. “I am like Kara. Because just like her, I gave my heart to a lying jackass. Get out and get away from me.”

You weren’t sure why it hurt so bad. You hardly had any of your memories together. But part of you knew that you loved her. Part of your mind never stopped loving her, even while you couldn’t remember her. 

Sobs escaped your body as you held your knees to your chest. Natasha hated seeing you like this. She hated it even more so because she was the reason for it. 

She wanted nothing more than to comfort you and hold you until you felt better. But she knew she couldn’t.

As she took a step toward the door, she glanced at you one last time, wondering if she truly lost you forever.

-

Carol came by to see you after she saw both Natasha and Bucky sulking. 

Like Natasha, she had no problem entering the cell and sitting by you. Steve had advised everyone to keep a safe distance from you as your memories were still primarily HYDRA. He wanted you to fully come back just as much as everyone else did, but he couldn’t risk the safety of the team. 

But as soon as she saw your red eyes and tear-struck cheeks, she could give two shits about Steve’s warning.

She sat down next to you on the bed, gently putting a hand on your back to let you know that she was there.

You practically jumped into her arms, allowing yourself to cry once more as you clung onto her. 

You sobbed into her chest for a few minutes as she slowly stroked your back. 

“Sorry,” you muttered, pulling away from her. “I think I might’ve ruined your shirt,”

She gave a soft laugh, then wrapped an arm around you. 

“Don’t worry about it,”

“Why’d she put so much effort into getting my memories back if she knew I would find out and get hurt all over again?” 

Carol sighed, gently squeezing your shoulder. 

“I think part of her hoped, and is still hoping, that you’d forgive her,”

You scoffed,

“Once a cheater, always a cheater. Even if I remember everything, I’m not getting back with her. God, no wonder I left in the first place,”

“We were all worried about you, y’know. You left without a word. Tony tracked your phone, and found it shattered on the street a few blocks from here. We thought it meant you didn’t want to be found.” She told you. “If we knew you had been taken by HYDRA, we never would’ve stopped looking,”

“What happened while I was gone?”

“We all knew it had something to do with Natasha. She always acted like she was fine, but her eyes were constantly red and puffy. We also heard crying from her bedroom. A week or so later, she blew up at Bucky in front of everyone, so we all found out,”

“What happened then?”

“We hated them for it. We wanted nothing to do with them. I glared at Natasha any chance I got. How could she do that to you? I lost my best friend because of her,”

You let out a sniffle, then looked up at her to see that she had started crying too.

“I’m sorry for leaving you,” you said, hugging her once again. “I don’t clearly remember it, I have bits and pieces. But I should’ve at least talked to you guys instead of leaving like that,”

“It’s okay. You’re here now, and I’m not giving up on you.”

-

A week later, to your own surprise, you had called for Natasha again. 

Both Wanda and Peter had made individual visits to you. You were grateful for them as they hugged you tight. 

Wanda had suggested that you talk to her one last time to get some closure. She also said that it could help with your memory.

You were reluctant to the idea at first, but eventually agreed as you realized that the memory process was getting you nowhere at this point.

So you stood by the glass, waiting. 

When she arrived, she almost couldn’t believe that you wanted her there. She thought that maybe you just wanted to scream at her, but then she saw your calm and collected face.

“I only called you here ‘cause Wanda thinks getting some closure could help with the memories,” you explained right away. You didn’t want her thinking that you had forgiven her.

She nodded, biting her tongue to prevent herself from crying. 

You pointed to the door, indicating that you wanted her to come in. 

She nodded again, opening it and standing a few feet away from you, arms crossed. 

“I just need some answers,”

“Okay,”

You inhaled deeply, closing your eyes. You balled your fists, feeling your nails against your palms.

“Why did you do it?”

“I wish I knew.”

“Oh come on, you have to at least give me more than that,”

“I’m sorry, Y/N, but I genuinely don’t know why I did it.”

“Then tell me how it happened,”

“Are you sure? You said that this could be helpful for your memories, but I don’t want this to cause you any more pain than you already have,”

“I’m sure. Just tell me,”

“Alright,” she let out a slow breath. “You were on your way back from a mission. I had been missing you, so I was staying up late so I could see you as soon as you landed.” Her voice began to shake, but you motioned for her to continue. “While I was waiting, I assumed I was the only one up. So I decided to pour myself a drink, since there was still about an hour and a half before you’d get back. Bucky ended up coming down a few minutes later, so I poured him a drink too.”

“Really? You’re using the drinking excuse?”

She didn’t reply to you, but continued anyway.

“Something didn’t feel right, physically. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I ignored it and instead focused on how I would be seeing you soon. After around 30 minutes, something really felt off. I was about to get up and try to do something about it, but he got up at the same time. One minute we were just standing there, the next we were kissing. I wasn’t sure what had come over me. I didn’t know why I was doing it, but I didn’t stop. After it happened, I felt sick about it; literally. My eyes had turned red, and I just felt so nauseous-”

“I remember that,” you interrupted her. “I remember you had red eyes and weren’t feeling good. I thought you had gotten a cold, so I took time off training to stay with you. Of course, it was just you feeling guilty about being a cheater,”

“I couldn’t face what I had done-”

You interrupted her again,

“Wait a minute, you said you had red eyes and something felt wrong while you were with Bucky, right?” You said, she nodded in response. “Did the drink taste normal?”

She shook her head no,

“It didn’t, but I didn’t really focus on that. I was busy thinking about seeing you again,”

“Who all has access to the drinks?” You asked, your heart rate quickening.

“What are you talking about?”

“Just, take me to the security room and let’s look at the tapes for around that time, but a bit before,”

She wasn’t sure where you were going with this, but she opened the door anyway.

“You’re not gonna restrain my powers?” You asked as you had made it around halfway down the hall.

She shrugged,

“I don’t think you’re gonna hurt me or anyone here,”

You returned her shrug, then walked ahead of her until you reached the security room.

Once you arrived, you smiled, realizing that you had made it there on your own from your memories of this place. 

You sat down in front of a computer, and began typing away at the security tapes. 

“There’s a missing one, a few hours before,”

She turned her head in confusion.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.” she said, “Do everything you can to retrieve this file,”

“Right away, Miss Romanoff,”

“If I’m right then…” you began, but didn’t finish. You didn’t want to get your hopes up. 

A few minutes later, F.R.I.D.A.Y. found the deleted file.

You pressed play, showing what had happened that day.

The HYDRA agent had memorized everyone’s schedule. The majority of the most powerful Avengers were currently on a mission, and the others were training; so this was the window.

He had hotwired a car Tony had left at a bar parking lot, when he was too drunk to drive and had to be taken home by a taxi, and then forgetting about the car altogether.

The agent used this to pull in without security questioning it. 

He made his way to the back of the building, then spotted a slightly cracked window. He used that as his opportunity, reaching his hands under to fully open it up. 

Once he climbed in, he then went to the kitchen. 

Due to training schedules and timing, it was likely that no one would be drinking tonight except for the target. 

So he took the bottle, opened it, then sprinkled a powder into it. 

He then closed it, and put it back where he left it before leaving the room and coming to erase his tracks.

“HYDRA’s told us about that powder before and the effects of it, it makes you susceptible to suggestion. They’ve modified it so they can give specific commands just from taking it.”

“So what does that mean,”

“They knew we were together, they knew I had powers. They knew I’d be devastated if you cheated, and hoped that maybe I’d leave.” You started, staring at her with a mixed expression. “It’s starting to come back to me, the fire alarms had gone off that night. That was their signal that it had worked, and I was hurt. They took that to their advantage, and found me in my devastated state and took me.”

“What are you saying, Y/N?”

You smiled. It was the same smile you used to give her before everything happened. You took a step toward her and cupped her cheeks.

“You didn’t cheat.”

-

Your moment was short lived as you instantly fell to your knees, hands around your head.

Everything was coming back to you now.

“It’s pathetic, and never gonna happen!” 

“Oh come on, you guys aren’t gonna actually freeze the room, right?”

“Oh my gosh, um- it’s not what it sounds like! I promise, it’s-”

“You should watch Supergirl with me,”

“Can you not go easy on your girlfriend during training?”

“Of course I’ll be your personal heater,”

“Natasha… I love you. I really do. It’s okay if you don’t wanna say it back, but I thought you should know.”

“My beautiful sunset,”

“You’re my home,”

“Natty,” it was the first time using that nickname since you’d been back here. “Natty, I remember everything now,”

She bent down to you, running a hand through your hair.

To say she was relieved was an understatement; she had just found out that the biggest mistake of her life wasn’t even her fault, that she didn’t betray you like she thought she had. And, the love of her life had finally completely come back to her.

You instantly began crying, leaning your forehead against hers, wrapping your arms around her neck.

Without thinking, you crashed your lips onto hers. It wasn’t a pretty kiss by any means; it was desperate, and wet with tears. But neither of you seemed to care.

“I love you so much,” you said between kisses. “I’m so sorry for everything I said to you.”

“It’s okay, you didn’t know, no one did,” she wrapped her arms even tighter. “I love you too.”

If either of you had been thinking straight, you would have alerted the team that you had gotten your memories back and didn’t need to be locked up anymore. 

But you weren’t. All that was on either of your minds was making up for lost time. 

She picked you up effortlessly, holding you tight. You wrapped your legs around her waist, keeping your lips on her skin. 

She carried you all the way back to her (and now yours once again) room. 

Once she set you on the bed, she reconnected your lips in a messy but meaningful kiss. 

She crawled on top of you, planting kisses everywhere. 

“I love you,” you told her again.

“And I love you,”

And those were all the words either of you needed right now as you continued showing each other just how much you loved and missed one another.

-

Hours later, you lay on the bed completely wrapped around her. Your face was buried in her neck as your limbs tangled with each other.

You both shot straight up at a knock to her door. 

“Natasha,” came the voice of Steve. “Y/N’s missing.”

“About that…” she said. “There’s a lot I need to tell you guys.”

She hopped off the bed, keeping her hand connected with yours. 

You met Steve’s worried eyes when she opened the door, tightening your grip on Natasha. 

The conversation with the team ended up going well. Everyone apologized for how they had been toward Natasha and Bucky after learning that it wasn’t their fault. 

And of course, they were ecstatic that you were back.

Carol, Wanda and Peter, ran toward you and all tried to hug you at once, resulting in a dog pile. Eventually, everyone else joined too, only making the pile bigger. 

You met Bucky’s eyes, and gave him a smile. He seemed relieved, then smiled back at you. 

The rest of the day, everyone continued making sure you were okay, and Tony had already started a plan for finding that HYDRA agent. 

Bruce wanted to do a checkup, which you agreed to. Natasha held your hand the entire time, which made it a lot harder for him to do what he needed to. Despite this, he couldn’t bring himself to tell her to stop. You had both suffered so much these past few months, so if you wanted to hold hands right now, then so be it.

“Y’know,” Natasha began, pulling you into her lap. “We haven’t had a proper date in so long. Obviously it’s too late to go anywhere, but we can have a night in and watch last week's episode of Supergirl if you’d like. I haven’t watched it since the last time, and I really have missed my favorite blanket. So, what do you think?”

You turned around, kissing her instantly. It was a long, deep, needed kiss. You couldn’t get enough of each other now that you were back.

Once you pulled apart for air, she smirked at you.

“So I’ll take that as a yes, then?”

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x fem reader #natasha romanoff x fem!reader #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanoff angst #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x yn #black widow #black widow x reader #black widow x fem reader #natalia alianovna romanova

[ashasmonsters]

Hi could you maybe write a male werewolf x male reader, you can decide on the plot

Hey anon, thanks for being patient! I love werewolves and writing male readers, so I hope you like it too. I've also messed around and made some header art for you. Enjoy!

M!Werewolf x M!Reader - Lime

As the sun started to set, you worked in the small forest clearing to set up your digs for the night. Some things were still here from your last visit: a pile of cushions covered by a tarp, an old hurricane style lantern, and a folded-up lean-to style tent. It felt like a second home to you, especially as the smell of dirt and pine filled the air. You would have taken more time to enjoy the peace, but the sun was sinking lower into the horizon by the minute.

You tossed aside the tarp and arranged the cushions into a nest, put fuel in the lantern, and started pitching the tent’s poles into the soft earth. A few hammered stakes and taut cords later, the tent was up properly except for a side panel, which you intentionally left open. This way, the sounds and smells of the forest would be right there with you as you slept, and you wouldn’t have to fiddle with getting in or out of a zipper-fastened door. After all, you never worried for your safety when you were out here; you had Oskar.

He crested the rise in the trail just as you were putting the finishing touches on your camp. While you had come with a backpack with snacks, a battery bank for your phone, water bottles, and your sleeping bag, Oskar came with only the clothes on his back. He looked tired, and despite shaving every day, he had the stubble of several days on his face.

“You really don’t have to do this for me every time,” he said, looking at the setup around him. “It’s just one night. I’d be fine on my own, honest.”

“I’m sure you’d be fine, but I want you to be comfortable, too.” You smiled at him, watching the last few rays of sunlight shine through the edges of his raven-colored hair. “I’d hate to see you go through something so rough alone. Besides, I need to get out of the house every once in a while.”

“Well… thanks.” He took off his flannel shirt and handed it to you. “You’re the best boyfriend ever.”

“No, you’re the best boyfriend ever.” You asserted, folding his shirt into a neat square. “Now get comfortable while we still have time.”

A moment later, you were sitting in your nest of cushions with the hurricane lantern casting gentle warmth around the clearing. The sound of rustling fabric came from the tent, then Oskar emerged from it without a stitch of clothing on him.

“Don’t worry, I folded everything up for you.” He closed the distance between the tent and your resting spot in the cushions, giving you ample time to admire his muscular physique. The flickering lantern flame showed the beginnings of the shift already taking hold; his normally sparse body hair was starting to cover him everywhere, and the bags under his eyes betrayed his cheery demeanor.

“Just come here and rest for a bit,” you suggested softly. He stepped over the outer ring of pillows and cushions, arriving at your side and lying down next to you, where you sat cross-legged. He rested his head on your thigh and took deep breaths. “Want a snack before you go?” You asked.

“No, I’ll just catch something while I’m out.” He stretched and groaned, no doubt trying to soothe his sore muscles.

“Alright, but don’t catch anything too big. Save some room for pancakes tomorrow morning.”

“Pancakes? Now I’m wishing I didn’t have to deal with this dumb ‘Shifting’ stuff,” He joked through gritted teeth, even as the pain was clearly setting in. You just rested a hand on his back, massaging his muscles as they bulged and surged in a way that was quite disconcerting to you the first time. Now, all you had in mind was your boyfriend’s comfort.

His form started to change in earnest now, completely covered in coarse fur in a matter of seconds while the skin underneath roiled and expanded. He started to groan, his teeth grit and tears slowly beading in his eyes.

“Shh…” you reassured him, his pain making your heart ache. “This is the worst of it. You’re doing fine. You’re almost done.” Your hand that rested on his back was being pulled away from you as he began to grow in size. Your hand trailed over his fur as he gradually pulled away from you, moving from his back, to his shoulder, and now to his forearm. You wished you could hold his hand, but claws replaced them faster than you could notice: another thing you learned during Oskar’s first Shift with you around.

Before you knew it, there was a snout resting in your lap. His long tongue felt around his newly-formed rows of sharp teeth, and small droplets of his saliva dotted your jeans. At last, his body settled and stopped quaking, and his breathing went from labored to regular. Having tripled in size, his bodyweight weighed heavily on you as he rested there.

“Alright, Oskar, now that you’re feeling better,” you huffed, his weight on your lap becoming uncomfortable, “it’s time to get up.”

The werewolf in your lap complied, granting you some relief as he lifted himself up on all fours. His eyes, glowing in the light of the lantern, met yours. He circled your island of cushions, getting accustomed to the feeling of his paws on dirt.

“Are you feeling good? Ready to run?” You said, your voice practically a whisper. His hearing would be extremely sensitive right now. Your werewolf nodded back at you, his head bobbing more diagonally than straight up and down. Human gestures were hard when your skeleton had just Shifted minutes prior.

“Come here, big guy.” You stood and met him on the dirt, bringing his entire head into a hug. You ran your hands along his neck fur, petting him as he rumbled into your chest, his heartbeat pounding like a drum. “I love you. Go run. Catch something good to eat, too.” He half-nodded again as you pulled away from him. You made your way over to the tent and started to set up with your sleeping bag, phone charger, and snacks, when you noticed Oskar lingering.

His paws bounced on the dirt, showing how eager he was to bolt into the night… but he stayed. He looked at you, then at the trail returning back to town.

“I’m fine, Oskar. I’ll stay here. Just be back by morning, okay?”

Another half-nod, but this time with a shred of reluctance. He turned away, looking at you one last time before he trotted into the trees, disappearing from the reach of the lantern’s warm glow. As you got inside your sleeping bag, you smiled as you imagined him bounding through the forest at his full speed, stretching his muscles and exercising his new, temporary form. He always said that sprinting through the forest for the first time after Shifting felt like scratching an itch you couldn’t reach—multiplied by a billion. You hoped so; it was the least he deserved after going through the rigors of Shifting.

You reclined in your tent, your phone ready to play music and let you float off to sleep, but you hadn’t put your earbuds in, yet. You waited, and waited some more… until you heard the howl pierce the night. Birds, startled out of their roosts, took to the sky, and distant hoofbeats of deer fled from Oskar’s instinctive call.

Perhaps it was a bad night to be a forest creature, but it was a lovely night for a camper like you—and an even better night to be your boyfriend, bounding through the night under the light of a full moon.

#exophilia #monster x reader #werewolf x reader #male reader #werewolf #male werewolf x male reader #monster love #monster fic #requests

[ozetia]

NSFW alphabet of Kuroo please

Kuroo NSFW alphabet

A = Aftercare - what he is like after sex.

He’s not gentle during sex so he understands that your body’s aching and exhausted. Aftercare is a must for Kuroo it doesn’t matter if he lasted 10 minutes or 1 hour, gentle or rough he always insists of taking care of your body. He normally runs warm baths with no overbearing sent’s like mint he normally sticks to apple or vanilla before sitting you in the bath and sitting behind you. There’s no unnecessary touches he uses a warm cloth to wipe your body and relaxes with you communicating if anything could be changed what what went well.

B = body part - His favourite body part and his partners.

Kuroo struggles to pick a favourite but if he were forced to choose it would be his thighs. You can sit on them, sleep on them and most importantly ride them and he loves nothing more than watching you ride his thigh whilst he’s on the phone to one of his friends.

His favourite body part of yours is your hands. He loves how you massage his scalp with your hands, how you run your hands down his body teasing him and how you stroke his dick after a frustrating day of work.

C = Cum - anything that has to do with cum.

Kuroo waits until you cum to cum himself, he normally overstimulates himself for yours and his pleasure on accident. He prefers to cum inside you safe sex or not he doesn’t like to waste his cum.

D = Dirty secret - dirty secret of theirs.

Kuroo has fantasied of having sex with you against his office window multiple times, nothing gives him more pleasure than everyone knowing that you belong to him.

E = Experience - How experienced are they, do they know what they’re doing.

Kuroo wasn’t popular with the girls during high school because he was too focused on volleyball and school work, this also carried throughout college. He’s had sex one or twice but he learned most techniques from watching pornhub.

Favourite position.

Kuroos favourite position is missionary he loves watching your face twist in pleasure. He can pleasure you and be intimate with you at the same time it allows him to hold your hand. It’s easy to pleasure and move you in missionary he’s tried many positions but missionary is number 1 on his list.

G = Goofy - are they more goofy or serious during sex.

Kuroo is half and half sometimes he cracks a joke half way through and ruins the mood and sometimes he’s serious. If he’s had a hard day and work and wants some sexy time it will be serious and if you want to get pregnant it will be serious.

H = Hair - how well groomed are they.

He’s well groomed he doesn’t like being under-groomed or not groomed. If you prefer him to have more hair or none he’ll take it into consideration.

I = Intimacy - how are they during sex

Again he is half and half, sometimes he is rough and sometimes he is gentle. Special occasions like birthdays are generally more intimate and gentle and praises will be thrown around, whereas if jealously is involved he tends to be rough and dirty.

J = Jack off - do they masturbate and how often

Kuroo masturbates when he’s in the mood, you’re not always there when he wants to relieve some stress. Before he met you he masturbated 3-4 times a week but now he hasn’t got as much free time as he did and it’s decreased to 2-3 times a week.

K = Kink - One of more of their kinks

Size kink - He loves how you look so small compared to him struggling to accompany his cock.

P = Praise - He loves to be praised unlike popular opinion he prefers to talk sweet.

L = Location - favourite places to have sex.

His office and your shared bedroom.

M = motivation - what turns them on.

Seeing you swing your hips when you walk he cant wait to grab your hips back into him. Your confidence showing through your walk reminding that he helped with makes him smirk, now all he’s got to remind you is to only swing your hips for him.

When you challenge him during a argument whether you kiss him when he tries to argue a point back or if you get too cocky. It makes his cock throb if you want a challenge he’ll give you one. In the bedroom he loves to see how long you’ll keep that attitude.

N = No - turnoffs, something he wouldn’t do.

He will never be part of a gangbang. Naturally you belong to him so why would he give you away to other people to do the same thing which he can do.

O = oral - receiving or giving, how skilful are they.

Kuroo prefers giving naturally he is a giver and wants you to feel better with his hands however if you wish to take control every once in a while he is happy for you to take over as long as control is still in his hands e.g blowjobs. There’s nothing more skilful than Kuroo eating out your cunt like a man starved.

P = Pace - Are they fast and rough or slow and sensual.

Again this depends in what mood Kuroo is in and what you want. Sometimes he just wants to take his time with you and sometimes he just wants to fuck you and break the head frame.

Q = Quickie - their opinions on quickies.

Kuroo is a busy man and sometimes he has to take what he can get. Even though he prefers prefer proper sex.

R = Risk - Do they want to experiment, do they take risks.

Kuroo is down to take risks as long as they’re safe and don’t include people he knows. He prefers to keep things safe and simple but sometimes he reads crazy sex stories on Reddit and wants to test if what they said is true before writing a comment.

S = Stamina - How long can he last.

No Kuroo can’t go on for twelve hours is not possible even if he did play volleyball, sex is like cardio short and exhausting. He can last up to a hour with breaks inbetween.

T = Toys - do they own any toys.

Kuroo himself doesn’t own any toys but if you want to own toys like vibrators he’s totally fine with that. He’s not always here to give you pleasure and if he can masturbate you can also masturbate. He doesn’t get dicky if you’re tired after a day and just want to use your vibrator instead he understands that your listening to your body.

U = Unfair - How much do they like to tease.

Kuroo likes to send nudes during work to see how much you can get worked up and so do you seeing how long you can both last until someone snaps. We all know Kuroo is a teasing and snarky bastard anyways and this doesn’t change in his sex life. Sometimes he comes up behind you let’s his hands run over your body before walking away.

V = Volume - are they loud, do they talk.

Kuroo isn’t scared to make noice in the bedroom, he moans along side you although not as much as you. Sometimes he likes make random conversations during sex for no reason. Although he does have a way of talking that drives you crazy.

W = Wildcard - random Headcanon.

When you first had sex with Kuroo he was a nervous reck telling you that maybe you should take charge. You tried taking charge and half way through he turned you over and thrusted into your cunt like no other man has.

X = x-ray - How big are they.

Kuroo is a little over average hitting 6-7.5. He’s 6,5 so he’s pretty girthy.

Yearning = how high is highest drive.

Kuroos sex drive is pretty normal some weeks he’s more horny and some weeks he’s not. He doesn’t need to have sex everyday to feel satisfied, he’s happy with being with you and loving you in general.

Z = Zzzz - how quick do they fall asleep afterwards.

He waits until you’re settled and asleep before falling asleep he wants to make sure that you’re safe.

#haikyuu #hq headcanons #hq smut #kuroo tetsuro #haikyuu kuroo #kuroo smut #haikyuu smut #tw nswf #hq akaashi #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!

[baekhvuns]

the duke and his general.

synopsis : in which seonghwa is the duke you’re arranged to, while you’re the general of the royal army.

pairing : seonghwa x reader

themes : angst, romcom & smut.

word count : 15k ( part three + final )

three weeks.

three weeks since you last saw the man you once loved.

“miss y/n, would you like your breakfast in the room?”

you lift your head up front the mountain of blankets piled up on you, with a hazy smile and tired face you nod. “that would be great, thank you.”

you shut your eyes once the maid leaves, wanting nothing but the nauseous feeling in your stomach to stop, but the pounding headache makes you shoot up in panic.

your hand automatically flies to your mouth and your eyes widen, you run to the bathroom, lifting the toilet seat up before puking your guts out.

you’re breathing heavily and it feels like you’re about to die, as if someone’s squeezing your insides. tears run down you cheeks and you open your mouth once again.

clutching your shirt tightly you swallowed, “s-seonghwa, where are you?” you call out. flushing the toilet, you get up from the ground, stepping towards the sink to clean yourself.

“hwa,” you call out once again, but no one responds. holding your stomach, you walk out to see the maid standing there with worry etched on her face, you smile lightly and take a seat.

“miss, are you alright?” the elderly lady asks you nod through the insane headache you have, “the duke, he’s gone for a trip, he’ll be back before dinner.”

you nod once again and she leaves the tray beside you with a worried face, “thank you.” once she leaves, your eyes settle on the delicious food made for you.

as much as you want to eat it, your stomach is telling you no. it’s as if you have no appetite left, as if all of it was flushed down the toilet. you push the tray away, and shut your eyes before laying on the bed again.

the next time you wake up, it’s the evening. your room is cleaned by the maids and it’s empty. your bed is cold, but the headache seems to disappear, you lift yourself up and glance around the room.

still, no sign of seonghwa.

ever since the day he yelled at you for going to the war, which you were rightfully wrong in, he hasn’t spared you a glance. you know the ‘trip’ he’s gone to is just a way to ignore you, and truthfully, you do deserve it.

after all, you did think recklessly and went to fight on the battlefield. but you had a valid reason, but the man just wasn’t ready to listen to any of your talk.

your hand lifts up to caress your neck, the wound on it patched up in a white bandage. it hurt, you’re sure their might be a scar forming on it already, if not, you’ve already been scarred by his words.

a sigh flees your lips, your hair falls over your shoulders and you stand up to walk outside. the walk to the gardens is short but it feels like forever, there’s no one in the palace.

guards are off for their afternoon break, yet a few of them are having lunch in their quarters. you decide to take a seat on the white bench that overviews the garden, the sun rays pout down on you and the slight wind eases your nauseous mood.

you usually sit beside seonghwa on this bench, his hands around your shoulder and his chin resting on your head. no matter how much you tried to get away from him, he’d pull you even closer, whining in your ear about you not giving him enough attention.

you smile at the sudden memory reeling through your mind, but then it fades, and it reminds you that he’s not beside you. you’re sitting alone in a field of flowers with a hand on your stomach, caressing it slowly.

you wander around the palace, eyes lowered to the floor because you didn’t want to meet the pity stares of the workers. one of them being kind enough to make you something to eat, that which you ate in the silence of the kitchen and again, you felt nauseous.

you held your head in your hands, lips trembling and your eyes watery. low sniffles echoed the kitchen and your hair acted as a curtain, covering your face.

your shoulders shake slightly as tears rolled down your cheeks, you’ve never felt so weak in your entire life. it’s weird, because you’re supposed to be stronger in the time, you’re in, but it really is disappointing when the only person you’ve loved isn’t by your side.

when you hear footsteps from afar, you quickly get up. wiping your eyes so that no traces of tears were visible, you let your hair fall in-front of your swollen eyes and walked by the group of people who you only recognized as your comrades.

“y/-“

you walk straight past them, have been for the last few weeks. avoiding their calls for your name and speed walking down to your room, locking yourself in.

the guys look at each other unsurely, san sighs before leaving them standing in the middle of the hallway. the rest glance at each other, silence enveloping them all.

“what do we do?” yunho breaks the silence, running a hand through his hair.

hongjoong shakes his head, “we can’t do anything, he’s the only who can do something to fix whatever’s happening.”

“but we can’t just do nothing, i don’t think i’ve ever seen her so down.” wooyoung squeaks, swallowing at that thought.

“where even is he?” yeosang breaks his silence, “i haven’t seen him in days.”

“he’s spending time down at the stables, he’ll be back around dinner.” with a tired sigh they all walk to their respective places.

and when night does fall, all of them finding each other sitting down sitting down by the table. the king and queen sitting at the farther end, you sitting opposite seonghwa while the rest sit wherever they wanted.

you play around with the food placed on your plate; you haven’t lifted your eyes ever since you walked in here. choosing to sit quietly in your chair while nibbling on the food that you don’t crave for.

the dinner is silent, if not for the random conversations created by wooyoung and san and occasionally by the rest. seonghwa’s mother talks to you and you could hear the excitement in her voice, she goes on and on about her wish for seonghwa to have kids.

you resist the urge to laugh with her, showing a smile as she handed you extra portions of the food you’ve barely touched.

and as for seonghwa, the man sitting in front of you seems unrecognizable, he’s sitting proper, hair brushed back with a smile on his face that’s so fake that it hurts to look at, he chats with hongjoong who sat beside him.

he hasn’t dared to look at you in the eye but you know him too well, you know it’s hurting him to do this but he’ll do it until it quenches his satisfaction.

just as you bring a bite of food near your mouth, your eyes widen and you stare at seonghwa before glancing at his mother, who thankfully, was already looking at you.

you flash her a look of pain before shooting your hand up to your mouth, eyebrows crossed you cursed in your mind.

“i-“ you start but you’re not able to finish because you make a run for it your room. holding onto your stomach as you ran, leaving the rest in confusion.

seonghwa’s mother immediately rushes behind you, leaving the rest. the guys get up from their seats, face etched in worry as they watch you run with confused yet worried eyes.

seonghwa’s father, the king, himself is worried but when his eyes land on his son sitting calmly, eating his food as if nothing had just happened, made him confused yet irritated.

san’s eyes shot daggers into seonghwa’s skull, jaw clenching at the fact that your husband is blatantly ignorant you while you’re pregnant. his face shows utter anger for the man before he walks to your room, hongjoong follows soon after.

his father gives the rest of the guys a nod and they too find themselves walking to your room, leaving only him and seonghwa in the room.

“what do you think you’re doing.” his father questions, wiping his hands on the napkin.

seonghwa looks up, “having dinner, father.”

his father raises his eyebrows, “oh, and how about y/n? your wife?”

“what about her?”

his father squints his eyes at him, “your wife, who’s pregnant and is sick, while you’re sitting here as if you don’t know her! how inconsiderate you are.”

seonghwa clenches his jaw at his father, but when his father gives him a look, he tones it down. “you’ll behave the same way if you find out what’s she did.”

“i do not care what she has done, what matters is her health and the child she’s carrying, your child!”

“dad, she went to the war!” he yells, finally loosing it. “she went to the war alone knowing she was not in the right condition too!”

his father stands up, “you, go to her right now. what matters is that she’s alive, right now she needs you the most but you’re here sitting as if none of it bothers you!”

“you’re stubborn,” he pauses, “just like your mother.”

the entire week had been tough for you, you had terrible morning sickness, crazy headaches, uncomfortable sleep patterns, tiredness and barely any appetite.

fortunately, seonghwa’s mother had been by you through all of it, with some special appearances from san and hongjoong who seemed to have made it their schedule to visit you four times a day.

your cravings for certain foods had increased drastically, which made san run to the markets late at night to get you what you wanted. or how sensitive your nose had gotten, almost making hongjoong shower three times.

on the nicer and not hard times, you were able to be in your bed the entire day. or take a walk in the gardens while one of the guys accompanied you, lifting your mood up with their jokes.

but you didn’t want any of that, you wanted seonghwa.

speaking of him, he is in the palace, but sleeps in a different room. eats at a different time as you so he wouldn’t have to see you, or when you two walk by each other, he barely looks at you but you bow your head at him.

“it’s your highness for you.”

you hated doing it, hated it when he didn’t look at you. as much as in the past you’d shoo him away, now you were urging for the said man. hoping he’d at least exchange a few words with you.

but you aren’t blind either, you know he asks the maids to check up on you, or just to check on the baby growing inside of you. you know he sees you walk around the hallways, hiding the pain on your face from the cramps.

his mother and father sympathized with you, offering, and helping you with anything you needed.

but failing to bring one man.

others couldn’t help but be upset at the situation, guards who stood outside your room late at night could hear the faint sound of you weeping.

the guys weren’t blinded to it either, they could hear your cries at the late hours of night. when you think everyone’s fallen asleep, they hadn’t seen such side of you and it shocked them but also made them angry at the man.

so when you decided you have had enough, with his parents permission you pack your bags and leave the palace for a few days or even more. finding home at your parent’s, who welcomed you with bright smiles not knowing what had really happened.

your mother fed you the butteriest meals ever, never not leaving your side even for a minute. or how your father brought a thick book full of names, sitting on his favourite burgundy couch with his glasses on and a lamp turned on beside him, looking over the lists of names to find a contender.

or how your older brother had joined, returning from the navy only to bother you by mentioning ridiculous names to name his niece or nephew. he brought home multiple toys and takes the time to accompany you to the market, lending a hand for holding the bags.

“seriously y/n, if it’s a girl, name her-“

“for the last time sehun, i’m not gonna name my child after some fancy revolver or a alcohol brand!”

“no, but imagine nam-“

“i’m not gonna name my kid ak-47!”

“how about hennessy!”

“get out of my face!”

and as for the the situation in the palace, let’s just say no one has spoken about you for the past two days. you had been living with your parents and they all couldn’t be more happier knowing you’re in a much better environment.

they continue their daily activities at ease, visit you once and in a while and careful not to mention you.

and his royal highness, the duke of eden, park seonghwa sits inside his office. his second home, files piled up to his neck but none of them seem important to him.

his eyes are stuck at the door, waiting for the maid to walk in and put him at ease. by of course, telling him about you.

he’s keeping track of time, eyes flickering from the clock to the door. he finds himself being more and more impatient, tapping his feet under his table repeatedly.

“where is she,” he says, having waited too long he stands up and leaves his office to go and find the maid himself.

when he doesn’t find her, he asks another one who had just walked out a room. she hastily bowed down but he dismissed it all, “where is y/n?” he watches her eyes grow wide.

“you highness, you’ve told us not to talk about her.”

“you see, i’m- just tell me how she is,” he says, and she slowly lifts her head up.

“the duchess, she’s not in the palace.”

“what?”

“she hasn’t been in then palace for days now, i believe today is the third day.”

his eyes widen, “where is she?”

“that i do not know, your highness.” and with that she walks away, leaving a wide eyed seonghwa panicking in the hallway.

he stops for second, the skin between his eyebrows touches before moving back. he runs a hand through his black hair, eyes wandering left and right.

when it finally clicks in his mind that you’re gone, his face drops in disbelief. he walks down the hallway to your room, wanting to see it for himself and tell himself that you were in the palace.

but when he opens the door his shoulders immediately slump, he walks inside. clenching his jaw as your scent hits his nose, a wave of worry washes over him when he doesn’t see you anymore, not in the room or the bathroom.

instead, it’s empty, his breathing wavers and his voice calls for you. but no one responds, he then walks out, his footsteps turn into him sprinting down the halls, searching every single room in the big palace. he can’t find you anywhere.

he finally turned left and burst open the door, breathing heavily his eyes falling over the guys sparing him a glance before continuing their work.

“where’s y/n?” he breaths out, walking in and slamming his hands on the table.

wooyoung looks up, “what do you want?”

seonghwa bites his lips, ticking his eyebrow at the nonchalant attitude of wooyoung. “where’s y/n, and what’s with that attitude?”

hongjoong drops his files with a bang and glares up at the man, “what’s with your attitude? and why do you even care, you didn’t want to see her face two seconds ago, now what happened?”

“ah, did your brains finally fall back in place?” wooyoung brings his hands behind his head, leaning back on the chair while eyeing seonghwa up and down.

“just tell me where she is,” seonghwa spits out, “why isn’t she in her room?”

“ask yourself that, why isn’t she here? how big of an idiot are you?”

“a big one,” mingi adds.

“she’s not here, and for the better.” san speaks from the back and seonghwa scoffs.

“and what would you know is the better for her?” he retorts.

“she knows what’s better for her, none of you need to decide it. and for your information she’s at her parent’s house,” hongjoong pauses, “because she couldn’t deal with the atmosphere you created.”

seonghwa runs out, ignoring whatever hongjoong mused at him. in his mind, he had to see you and so he walked to the stables and rode a horse to the town, where you were.

“have you already thought of a name?” you glance shortly at your mother, who cupped her face in her hands, eyes blinking, wide and bright.

“no,” you respond, focusing on the mandarin you were peeling before tossing it in your mouth.

you heard her sigh, and she holds your hand. “y/n, what’s going on,” her warm voice asked, and you shook your head.

“nothing,” you ate another piece and then your mother smacks your hand lightly.

“i know something is!” she exclaims, “you and seonghwa fought, didn’t you?”

“we did,” you confess, and she shoots you a look. “i don’t wanna talk about it.” with that you get up and walk away, ignoring the calls of your name.

you find purchase in sitting on the swinging couch in the small garden your family had, throwing your head back and looking off into nothing. your white dress hung off the swing, arms resting on the armrest.

your mother watches you and elicits a sigh, her body leans on the doorframe, arms crossed over her chest as she watches you with a bitter smile.

when sunset falls around, you’re holding onto a sword. swinging it with one hand while your dad prepares the grill in the back, trying not to burn down the house.

when you sit down to eat, you’ve forgotten about everything. sitting and just eating whatever was on the table, with a content smile you eat doubles of everything.

once it’s over and you’re walking over to your room, your mother pulls you into the kitchen randomly. your wide eyes scan her, and she holds a box of strawberries, nudging it at you.

“oh, thank you,” you grab the box from her, “how’d you know i’ve been craving these.”

your mother smiles knowingly, watching you pop one in your mouth with a grin.

“seonghwa dropped by,” you slowly look up, swallowing.

“okay,” you squeak out, eyes flickering to wall behind.

she then leans back, “he brought the strawberries,” you paused, “he said you would be craving them.”

with a frustrated sigh you put the box on the counter, your mother leaves the room, and you glance at the strawberry you held in your hand.

the only person who knew you were wanting these were san, who you sent at the ungodly hours of night to the market. considering that, seonghwa would have no idea about this unless san told him, which was unlikely, or seonghwa watched over you.

you run to grab your jacket and leave your house to walk to the palace. frowning at the audacity of this man, who can’t seem to talk to you up front and instead becomes a coward.

you march inside the property, dismissing the stares you were getting because first, you’re in the palace, second, you’re marching in furiously and third because you’re not exactly wearing the clothes seeing the weather.

you knew seonghwa wouldn’t be in his new room, so your best option was to barge in his office. and that’s exactly where he was, standing and glancing out the windows.

“park seonghwa,” you burst in through the door, eyes falling on his tall figure dressed in black, leaning on the window frame.

he glances over his shoulder before looking out the window, his eyes are shut and his fingers grip the frame.

“what are you doing?” you say, “hm? sending those stupid strawberries instead of actually coming to talk to me?”

your clench your jaw at the lack of his response, “why do you suddenly seem to care now when you haven’t spared me a glance in the last two weeks!”

you exhale harshly and walk up to him, grabbing his arm and turning him around. his face shows no emotion, and you push his shoulder, “why! why aren’t you saying something?”

“what do you want me to say?” he responds and you bite the insides of your cheek, hearing his voice after so long, it still shoots butterflies in your stomach.

you stare at him in disbelief, “hwa,” you whined. “what’s wrong with you, i’ve apologized so many times and yet you never say anything!”

you continue, “i know you send those meals by the hands of the maids,” your eyes tear up. “i know you see me around the palace but choose to ignore me, i know you walk by our room every night so that you know i’m inside, i kno-“

“god damn it! do you even know why i went to the war?” you yell, eyes flickering between him and the floor.

“to protect you, you don’t know this but a day before the war.” you pause, contemplating if you really want to say this.

the night before the war, yeosang burst through your office doors, yanking your arm and dragging you to his office without even getting the chance to say hi.

“yeosang, w-what’s going on?” you ask the man holding your wrist, stepping in his room only to see a patient bandaged over his legs, arms and head.

you glance at yeosang in confusion, asking him to explain why exactly he brought you here especially when there’s someone he’s tending to.

before yeosang gets the chance respond, the man in front immediately stands up, hissing and then bowing.

“gener- your highness,” his low and gritty voice goes onto introduce himself, “i can’t reveal my name, but i have to tell you something.”

you exchange glances with yeosang who nods, ushering you to a chair, and he comes to stand behind you.

“what happened to you?” you ask out of worry, eyeing the white bandages over him.

“dorado,” the man says, “dorado is after you.”

you tilt your head, “dorado, the one we all helped?” he nods turning to yeosang.

“they’re the one who will be attacking you, they’ll be planning for night, perhaps in the castle as well.”

he stops, “but your highness, they’re also planning to kill off eden’s heir.”

yeosang watches the man, stunned. “seonghwa? the duke?” and the man nods.

you and yeosang exchange glances before looking at the man in unison. “explain everything to us in detail.”

“a messenger had come to the palace telling me and yeosang, that they were after you! the enemies were going to kill you park seonghwa!” you cry out loud, “and you want me to sit back and watch my husband die when i knew what was going to happen?”

“but no! of course you wouldn’t listen,” you breathe out loud and shaky, “did you want our child to grow without their dad?”

your eyes drop to his hands, the ones he’s gripping the windowsill with. “do you think that i, i would let you die?”

“for the love of god, seonghwa say something!”

tears roll down the apples of your cheeks, the wind coming from the window stinging as the man standing in front of you turns his back. looking out the window in silence, pretending as if there is no one in the room screaming at him.

your shoulders slump down, a hand taking through your hair you shut your eyes in frustration as tears rolled down.

all you could feel was emptiness, frustration, anger and pain.

“the day you quit being a general, is the day everything will go back to normal.” you hear his voice cut through the silence.

you stare wide eyed at the man, mouth parting to form out words but you’re so shocked at what he goes on about that nothing comes out.

“seonghwa,” you grit out, “how dare you.” you spit out with such a tone that it has shivers running up his body.

“how dare you ask me to quit something i have spent my entire life working for.” you stare at him with such disgust and anger that you lift your hands up by your head.

“what you do,” he says, “only brings problems, and going to a war?” he says with a scoff and you shoot him a glare.

“i’ve spent my entire life to protect you, your parents and your home.” you take a step forward, “you,” you point at him, “you wouldn’t even have been alive if not for me, you have no right to tell me what to do, you’ve lost it all.”

you hastily grab your wedding ring, the one he gave to you with such adoration and love. but now it burned into your skin, just like the way his words cut you.

“i’m selfish,” you repeat the words he told you, “i’m horrible, park seonghwa i will show you how selfish and horrible i can be.”

clenching your jaw, you slipped off the wedding ring, griping it in your hands tightly because it hurt, it hurt letting everything go.

“go find yourself a princess, who’ll bear your children and make you happy by not going to a fucking war.”

you slam down the jewelry on his table with such force that you’re sure it will create a mark, he jumps at the sound but never looks back.

you stare at his back for a few beats of silence, “i’ll leave.” you wipe the tears rolling off your cheeks.

“but hear this,” you pause, fists shaking and eyes staring at the shiny ring on the table.

“don’t you ever come looking for me, do you want a divorce? send me the paperwork and i’ll sign it, and then i’ll leave.” you pause to inhale, “i’m sorry to you, and to my baby for putting you two in danger.”

seonghwa spins his head, so fast, eyes wide. “my? ‘my baby’ so i’m nothing, it’s not ours?”

“nothing.” you grit out, “never have, never will.”

“i’ll send a letter when the child’s born, until then, don’t you ever come to me, you had the chance to fix this.” you point your finger at him, “we could’ve fixed this right here, but now, don’t come begging for my forgiveness.”

you turn on your heel and with one last glance over your shoulder. “because i won’t forgive you, this comes from general y/n.”

“goodbye, your highness.”

“yeosang, just go back.”

you stared at the blond, a rag in his hands as he runs everywhere to clean the surroundings.

“t-that won’t happen y/n,” he turns around, leaning his elbow on the table behind. “that’s between you and seonghwa, i’m here as not only a friend but your doctor.”

you lean back on the cushioned chair, “you don’t have to come over every day, i’m fine here alone, really.”

yeosang lets out a sigh, folding the rag and walking forward to sit opposite you. “y/n, i will come over any day i can, the other’s will too, until seonghwa-“

“just don’t,” you stop him, “i don’t want to hear anything from him.”

“y/n.” he gives you a look.

“yeosang.” which you return, pressing your lips together.

he eventually lets out a sigh and then lifts his hands by his side, “you win, whatever.” you grin, grabbing a cushion to throw it at the man, who successfully dodges.

“how long are you planning to stay here?” he quips, blowing the nonexistent dirt of the cushion before ticking an eyebrow at you.

“i...really don’t know,” you shrug, “maybe i just won’t ever return?”

“no, no, you can’t do that!” he immediately interjects. “y/n, you have to understand that as much of an asshole your husband is, you can’t top the asshole level.”

you snort out loud, shaking your head. “is asshole even the right word yeo? he’s left me first, and now i’ve left him.”

“what’s the difference?” you quickly add, finding a particular interest to the carpet.

“you’re still wearing his ring,” he points out and your eyes fly to the black band. “you’re living here as if he won’t find out where y-“

“you won’t tell him nothing,” you add, “neither will you or the guys open your loud mouths in front of that man.”

he shoots his eyebrows to his forehead, an amused smile on his face. “that man,” he mocks, bobbing his head to the side.

you two stay quiet for a few seconds until he speaks once again, “will...will you ever go back to him?”

you chose to stay still, sucking on the insides of your cheek. eyes everywhere except the blond’s who sighs in defeat.

“i’ll ask the workers to send in food supplies every week, i’ll be visiting weekly for your check up and don’t you dare do something stupid when i’m not here.”

you let out a genuine smile, “thank you, yeosang, really.”

he shakes his head with a shy smile, “just don’t die on us, and especially on seonghwa.”

“y/n.”

“hongjoong, i’m not going to go and see him.”

“he’s been asking for you— well to me, more subtly, but you know what i mean.” he grunts, pouring a cup of chamomile tea in the fine china.

ever since the day you left the palace of eden, you found home, not at your parents but the villa seonghwa had owned. the balmoral villa, the one by the seashore, the one you two talked about and the one where you wanted to raise your children in.

it had a rustic feel from the outside, but the inside was modern royalty. when you first entered at night, a large portrait of you and seonghwa hung over the fireplace, on the tall walls welcomed you.

it looked so intimidating at night, but when the moonlight shines through the large windows, it looked ethereal. a picture of you sitting and seonghwa standing behind you framed in gold.

you stared at it for a few minutes before eventually leaving, walking around the small villa, to see every nook of it.

but your favourite was the master bed, where a balcony connected to the outside. a view of the sea, with mountains caving in to make it seem private. you saw the silent horizon that day, so dark and brooding but so calming.

you’ve stayed here for around a week now, and your favourite thing was to stay awake until the late hours of the night. a warm cup of tea in hand, a mahogany fleece blanket wrapped around you and your eyes stuck on the single lighthouse in the distance.

a lighthouse in the middle of nowhere, lonely, just like you.

“i couldn’t care less hongjoong, let him ask for me, keep telling him lies.” you sip on the hot tea, shuddering a little.

“but we can’t keep doing that,” you raise your eyebrows at him.

“and what he did to me was right?” you interject, “hongjoong, imagine your husband blatantly ignoring you throughout one the hardest points in pregnancy.”

“and then, sending a stupid box of strawberries as a what? compensation? and when he could’ve fixed things, he tells me to quit being a general.”

“he cares for you y/n.”

you shake your head, “does he? he cares for our baby, i don’t matter hongjoong.”

“and as much as i know me, i wouldn’t dare hurt my child like that. if i don’t matter to him, what’s the point in going back?”

the man in front stays quiet, silently agreeing to whatever you were saying because you were right. his friend had just lost a piece of his mind that he can’t seem to get back right now, your anger is valid.

hongjoong winces at the fact that seonghwa seemed to forget, that the mother comes first, if there is no mother, then there is no child.

you, have endured almost everything. hongjoong glances at you, remembering what you’ve been through not only from the military but even now and yet you set out with a smile.

“if he’ll come back to his senses,” you shrug, “would you forgive him?”

you let out a tired sign, glancing at the man who stared at you. “i don’t know hongjoong, all i know is i don’t want to see him.”

he nods, bringing the cup to his lips. “how’s your health, you know, the kid.”

he watches your face brighten, a hand immediately resting on your stomach. “there’s a little bit of a bump forming, it’s cute.”

he grins against the cup whispering a, “he would’ve been over the moon,” before lifting his eyes to you, “i think the child’s a girl.”

“really?” you ask, wide eyed. “well, whoever the child is, as long as they stay healthy it doesn’t bother me.”

he smiles one again, slowly standing up. instructing you to take your meds, cook food and make sure to eat and lock all the doors and only then fall asleep.

you nod to every single one of them, grabbing his shoulders before literally pushing him outside because the man wouldn’t shut up.

once he leaves, you lock the big doors and press your back against them. sighing as your eye’s glances around the entrance lobby, your thoughts twisted to seonghwa.

“idiot,” you mutter, lowly but it echoes the room. craning your neck down, your eyes landed on your stomach. “your dad’s a big idiot, you know? i hope you don’t go on him.”

“seonghwa.”

“yes,” he stares, “father.”

the older man folds his hands on his knees, “where is y/n?”

seonghwa blinks, flickering his eyes from his fathers to the wall behind. “s-uh, i think she’s at her parents.”

“you think?” he tilts his head when his son doesn’t respond and instead chooses to keep his head down.

“seonghwa,” he starts, “i haven’t seen her around for a few weeks now.” the statement comes off more as threat, as if interrogating the man, eyeing his son with a stern face.

“and you don’t know where she is?”

when seonghwa does decide to open his mouth, his father beats him too it. “fath-“

“you imbecile, she’s your wife! she’s pregnant and carrying your child!”

he flinches at the sudden raise in volume, “but father, she’s-“

“no, i’m not going to hear anything from you.” he interrupts him, “go find her, if something happens to her. park seonghwa you best believe you’re dead.”

seonghwa swallows once his father leaves the room, bringing his head in his hands. shutting his eyes for a brief second only to be fly them open when hongjoong walks in.

“seonghwa what are you doing?” he barges in angrily, taking a seat in front of him. “what big of an idiot are you!”

“hongjoong, if you’re here to lecture me about y/n,” he starts, “then leave.”

hongjoong narrows his eyes at him, “do you know she’s not at her parent’s house?”

“w-what,” he cracks, “then where is she? she was at her parent-“

“was,” hongjoong interrupts, “what is going on with you seonghwa?”

“since when did you,” he raises his fingers to point at the man, “become like this?”

“lo-“

“no, you listen.” he puts a hand up, “seonghwa, you and y/n are married.”

“you’ve, okay, not liked each other at first but somewhere along the line you two have fallen for each other without realizing and it only got deeper!”

seonghwa sits quietly, “you love her, i know you do. everyone knows you do, and even y/n does, so why the hell are you doing this? isn’t it only bringing pain?”

hongjoong watches the man’s face twist into different emotions before continuing again, “seonghwa, grow up. you two have been married for almost two and a half years, and just a war broke it all?”

“the war, if she got hurt then what?” seonghwa finally speaks, “what would i have done without her? what would i have done without our child?”

“it’s her job! be it she’s pregnant or not, she knows better, she knows what protective measures she’s got to take just to protect the small life she’s got inside of her, she’s not a general for nothing!”

“you’re not making anything easy either, you’re forgetting that you love her!” hongjoong lifts his voice, “your mind is stuck on the baby and it’s health! but did it ever cross you how you’ve been forgetting y/n?”

“did you care about y/n getting hurt or only the kid? you yelled and screamed at her for taking your child to the war when all she wanted was to protect the father of her child!”

“did you forget that, the mother comes first?” he lowers his voice, stern yet powerful. “you doing this will ruin your already strained relationship with y/n, and it will affect her health.”

when seonghwa stares at him with his mouth parted, hongjoong stands up and jabs his pointer finger in his chest.

“do you realize what you’ve done seonghwa?”

“fuck,” seonghwa whispers, “oh god.”

“you told her to quit something she’s been doing longer than she’s been married to you,” he grits out.

“i-i did,”

“you yelled at her for getting injured, you didn’t care, you only cared for the child.”

“i did, o-oh my god.”

“you ignored her during when she needed you the most, did you know she cried, she cried because of you?”

“then what am i supposed to do!” seonghwa lets out, breathing heavily. “she came to me the other week and all i did was nothing, i stood while she cried for me to fix things.”

“but you only made it worse.”

“but i only made it worse.”

“hongjoong,” he swallows, eyes getting watery. “what do i do? i don’t deserve her, she won’t come back, s-she’s gone i won’t ever see her hongjoong. what do i do, what have i done— hong-“

hongjoong brings his hands over the taller man’s shoulders. “quiet down.”

“no, no i can’t do that.” he shakes his head, “if she’s not at her parent’s house, then you.” he grips hongjoong’s hands, “you know where she is.”

“please tell me where she is, please.”

he sighs, “seonghwa, only you know where she is.”

“i-i don’t, i really don-“

“what was her favourite place?”

“just te-“

“think seonghwa, think.”

“i can’t, i just want to see her already!”

“where did she want to spend the rest of her life with you?”

seonghwa pauses, “by the sea.” and it finally hits him like a truck. “fuck, she’s at balmoral!”

and immediately a bright grin covers his crying face, “she’s at balmoral, the villa she wanted to raise our kids at!” he brings a hand to his forehead, closing his eyes as he feels the final tears drop down.

“what are you waiting for then, go on.”

the excitement in him swirls, wiping his eyes he pulls the shorter man in a hug. “hongjoong you’re the best, thank you, i lov-“

“get out.”

“i’ll drop by with groceries in a few hours, stay inside the weathers not good!”

“yes, yeosang now go!” you pushed the laughing man outside, waving your hand as he walks to the car with a smile.

you skipped on your toes lightly, humming as you make your way inside. hearing the rapid pitter patter of your dog running to you, nuzzling his face in your leg as you walked.

you plop yourself on the couch, placing your arms on the armrest and your doberman comes to lay by your feet. switching on a movie while a scented candle’s scent made it’s way around the room, a calming scent of warm vanilla.

eerily similar to seonghwa’s, you sighed at that. unconsciously your eyes land on your stomach, caressing it lightly.

you find yourself not focusing on the movie but on the man you married, your eyes then shift to the entrance lobby. you’d do this every day, maybe a small hope burning inside you said that the said man would walk in.

bring you in his arms, place a chaste kiss on your lips— but that’s where you’d stop thinking. clenching your jaw at the thought of him, you’re mad at him, furious even.

but you still want to see him, yet you don’t know how you’ll react once you do. your eyes then shift to the portrait of you two, at the happiest you two were at.

big smiles decorating your face, so warm and happy and inviting unlike now.

a tired sigh leaves your mouth, slowly getting up to walk down to the sea but halt once your eyes land on the window. shifting the curtain to the side, fat water droplets hit the glass from the heavy rain.

the blue ocean now darker like the sky, moving slowly but scarily. just as you’re about to turn around, the sound of the doorbell ringing stops you and a smile graces your lips.

“yeosang, i’m in the living area!” you yell, quickly tidying up the couch. “come on inside!”

you dog immediately gets on his feet, scurrying away to bark at the door. but he won’t, he knows it’s yeosang.

“yeosang! come in!” you say again, this time with furrowed eyebrows and a hesitant walk to the door.

the doorbell rings once again, “you have the keys yeo,” you mutter lowly, unlocking the door and just as you open the door, the ground from underneath you feels as if it’s slipping.

“y/n.”

you take a step back, hands falling to your side and your eyes fall upon the man you hadn’t seen in weeks.

you’re just staring at him; he takes a step towards you, and you back up. a feeling of panic swirls in your chest, not because you didn’t want to see him but because you didn’t think it would be so soon.

“y-your highness.”

there’s no reaction on your face, but his eyes are wide and glossy as if he just had cried, or from the rain pouring down his face. his lips twitch at the corners but falter down.

“i’m sorry.”

you feel as if your heart is about to burst out because of how fast it’s beating, a warm lump forming your throat that’s so hard to swallow down. his dark hair shadow over his eyes, shinning under the night light just outside.

he’s standing in a black shirt that’s now clung onto him, and you know it’s a very wrong time, but you can’t help but stare at him up and down.

“why are you here?” your voice comes out on tone that’s barely above a whisper, fingers gripping your dress.

“y/n please, just give me chance,” he pleads, and you hear the desperation in his voice.

you step backwards when he tries to hold onto your hand, back enough that he’s standing inside now. the water from outside following inside, and your eyes stare into his.

“please, please y/n i’m so sorry.”

“you need to go away, you’re not supposed to be here.” you manage to say out loud but it doesn’t affect him the slightest.

“y/n,” his low voice rings the hall, “i’m terrible, i know. but please don’t let go, i’m an idiot that didn’t hear you or fix things when you were there.”

“i ignored you when you were in pain and i only made it worse, i made it so easy for you to hate me y/n.”

“the weathers not great, go back please.”

he shakes his head, finally taking a stride towards you and you stay still. his tall self hovers over you and you shut your eyes, inhaling his scent that you thought you’d never smell again.

“please y/n,” he clasps onto your hand, his cold fingers holding into your warmer hand.

“please what?” you say, “y-you’ve done nothing but hurt me, when i went to the war for you, all for you.”

“i didn’t want you to die...i never did,” you look away, “i knew you’d be mad but not the point where you didn’t even look at me.”

“did you know how much it hurt?” lowering your eyes as if it would hide the tears pooling in. “you said you’d be by my side, that we would raise our kids together.”

you let out a humourless laugh, “but it’s as if that never existed,” you finally look at him, who’s staring at you intently and you swallow.

“did you even want to be-“

“i wanted to be there for all of it,” he cuts you, eyes flickering with a dark glint that displayed pain. “i wanted to be there for it all y/n, but i was selfish.”

you don’t realize that your lips are trembling, holding onto your emotions from pouring out. yes, you two had an argument but that doesn’t stop how you feel about him—

“i love you.”

“stop it.” you barely manage to whisper out, that three worded sentence making your insides swoop, shuddering as the cold wind made its way inside.

he shakes his head and you see the tears roll down his cheeks, “i’m sorry y/n, i don’t deserve you, i will never des-“

“please just shut up.”

“i put you and our child in dang-“

“why do you say you put me and our baby in danger?” he says between his sobs, “when you were the one in danger? hm? does your life not matter? your life is the most precious thing to me, are you insane? why do you hurt yourself like this?”

he then kneels on his knees and your eyes widen, only for the water collected in your eyes to fall. you’re standing and he kneels by your feet, head thrown down as both your emotions match.

he keeps shaking his head, lips letting choked sobs as his shoulders shake. “y/n, please, i’m so sorry, i- please just come back, please.” he begs between sniffles.

you shake your head slowly, biting down on your lips. “n-no, not right now.”

he holds onto your hand and brings it to his lips, you try to jerk it back but he lifts his head up. his red and swollen and puffy, nose red and lips parted.

he manages to smile a little, he glances at the band resting on your fingers. you bring your hand back, “you need to leave, just go away.”

“i’m an idiot, please don’t stay away from me-“ he pauses midway, eyeing your tear filled eyes and then on the small bump of your stomach.

and it only breaks him down more, a shaky hand coming to cup his mouth. eyes flickering from yours to the little bump you have, salty tears prickle down his eyes.

“i-is that...” he hiccups, “ours?”

you swallow hard and it only makes everything worse because you yourself choke out a sob. he watches through wonder and tears, knowing that inside was what you and he created.

he wipes the tears by back his hand, timidly bringing a hand to your stomach but before it does, you take a step back.

“y/n, please.”

“your highness, it’s raining out heavily, please go back to eden before the storm worsens.” lifting your head to look out the door, seeing a car in the car distance, presumably the one he used to come here.

“no,” he pauses, “not without you, and not without our little one.”

“you should’ve thought about that months ago, your highness.” you turn around, and he watches you walk away from him with desperate eyes.

“stop talking like that to me,” he says between sniffles, “since when did you go back to be-“

“a general?” you turn your head to the side, “the second you told me to call you ‘your highness’.”

“leave,” you say, turning your head to the side because you couldn’t look at him. “when our child’s born, i’ll handwrite you a letter to let you know.”

“now please,” you pause, “leave your highness.”

“y/n please, just p-“

“leave.” you say out tiredly, holding onto the couch to support your weight. “go away, seonghwa.”

his eyes widen at your words, using his name brought a certain amount of weight onto him, closing his eyes for a brief second, he stands up, wobbly.

“y/-“

you turn around so fast that in seconds you’re pushing him out the door, ignoring his begging, pleadings, and desperate calls for your name.

you slam the door shut, closing your eyes, and lulling your back. you hear him scream and wail your name repeatedly, but you clench your jaw, closed your eyes and pressed your back against the door.

the two men outside, yunho and mingi watch their duke kneel on his knees. one hand on the door as he calls out your name, they wipe their own tears before walking to seonghwa, holding onto two black umbrellas.

building a shield over the man, the two exchange a look. yunho decides to hold onto seonghwa’s shoulder.

“just give her some time seonghwa,” mingi says, flinching at the sudden thunderstorm.

yunho shakes his head, “i’m sorry, but you had a chance, you let it go too quick.”

both the boys pull seonghwa away from the doorstep, his head hung low as hot tears streamed down his face. he doesn’t bother fighting them and lets them drag him back to the car.

sparing your window one last glance, hoping that you would be standing there. watching him leave, but you didn’t. you couldn’t look at him in the eye.

you sat down on your desk, the one in the small office. where a large window pooled in sunlight, the desk you say at now covered with coloured papers and stickers and pictures.

a scrapbook, what yeosang said would be a good thing to pass time instead of sparring swords alone or walking your dog down the small town.

the book was rather small, but it did the job. you’ve been writing your experiences with the baby in it, from when you were too sick or intense cravings at five in the morning or when there was excessive back pain.

you were now a little over four months, you had jotted all the entry’s down, pairing it up with stickers and felt pen designs. you’d always end the entry with the date and time, so that maybe in future you could look back at it.

but when you would swivel your chair around, your eyes would land upon the new set of roses sitting on the far desk. everyday you’d get something by your door or by the hands of yeosang.

“here you go,” he’d chuck it at you when walking by, and you knew it was seonghwa sending all these.

so, you would send them back politely through yeosang’s hands, who would glare at you for making him run back and forth.

“oh my god y/n, this is the third time you’ve asked me to send these back to your lover boy!”

“and you will!” you grin, “thank you!”

he sighs and grabs the roses from you, “i’m not going to be stalling this for long, one day i might just do something that you wouldn’t have excepted.”

“sure, sure.”

maybe you should’ve listened to him, because the scrapbook you made documenting your pregnancy had been sent off into the hands of seonghwa.

“you what!” you said, wide eyed.

yeosang shrugged, “i told you, you two need to sort it out.”

you’d throw a finger in the air for him, and he’d laugh mockingly, before one day the doorbell had rang and a person stood on the other side, holding a giant bouquet yellow flowers in front of their face.

“excuse me?”

and then the flowers were shoved down a little revealing, “you?”

seonghwa, of course, standing there with a big grin on his face.

“hi,” he says and then walk past you inside, “the house is still in good condition, how was everything?”

“why are you here?” you ask, eyebrows furrowing.

he grins, takes a small step, and crosses his arms over his chest. “well, my wife lives here and she’s pregnant and i’m here to take care of her.”

you let out a scoff, “oh yeah? i think you’ve got the wrong house.”

“oh, i’m sure i’ve got the right one.” he smiles, coming closer to you and then snaking a hand around your waist, pulling you to his chest.

“y/n,” his low voice mumbles, “i’ll be staying here with you, whether you like it or not.”

you crane your neck up to meet his eyes, and when you did, he smiles brightly and then pecks your nose quickly and then he’s off of you.

turning around, placing his hands on his waist, and nodding at every room. while you stood in the middle with wide eyes, and a cozy feeling in your stomach.

seonghwa watches you brush past him, and he smiles. looking around before settling his eyes on the large portrait, his eyes turn into crescents when he stares at it.

thanking yeosang for mailing him the scrapbook, he remembers it being chucked at his face and before he could get the chance to yell, the blond man had already walked out.

he hesitantly flipped through the entire book, eyes widening when he realizes that is your handwriting and you’re documenting the pregnancy. he finds it hard not to tear up, making sure to read everything written on. and from that’s where he would send you flowers every day, as it said that you liked smelling them this time around. or sending prepped meals, baby clothes, clothes for you and more.

he’s decided that you may not forgive him easily, he’ll still be by your side, to fill in the hole he left when he wasn’t there.

so he makes sure to wake up before you every day, cooking your breakfast, lunch and dinner. doing the cleaning, laundry and looking over you from afar when you would go out a walk.

the only thing missing was, well, your voice.

because you didn’t say a single word to him for the days, he’s been doing this, nonchalantly walking past him or pretending he isn’t even in the villa.

you’d quietly eat the food being made for you, although not saying anything verbally, he already knows what you would say.

sometimes he’d get lucky hearing you talk, precisely when he had started to sleep on the couch because he wanted to give you your outmost privacy.

“your highness,” he grins ear to ear, “this isn’t necessary, go back to your duties in eden.”

“my duty is you, y/n.” he says with a slight tilt of his head, catching the slight widening of your eyes.

“it is-“

“no, never, don’t say a word.” he comes to stand right in front of you, “i’m never leaving you out of my sight again, i’ll stay here with you not caring if you hate me or not.”

your stomach would flip at the words and sometimes you think it’s the baby reacting to their fathers’ words.

“your-“

“seonghwa,” he interrupts, “but hwa could work too.” he shrugs his shoulders with a pout.

with a wink he would walk past you, doing something in the house and you’d groan before locking yourself in your bedroom once again.

but recently you’ve been leaving your door slightly ajar, or well seonghwa had told you too, forcibly. knowing that if you would be in some type of pain, he wouldn’t have to break the door down and would rather just barge in.

you silently agreed because the night prior you had a slight pain shooting from your stomach, not that serious, but bad enough for you to slip out a few low groans.

so, you didn’t expect to be up at four in the morning, turning on the bed constantly before sitting up tight and immediately feeling an immense amount of pain shoot through you.

you figured it was the surprise movement or the contractions, or whatever because you really couldn’t think right now. your brain screamed at you to get up, but all you could do was groan loudly.

you shift in an effort to make it better, but it only makes it worse, and it’s as if your grunts were so loud you heard rapid footsteps running down the hallway.

“y/n!”

you bite down on your lips, clutching the sheets as the pain doubled. squeezing your eyes shut on impulse but they shoot open just as the door breaks open.

there stood a heavily breathing seonghwa, eyes widened, and mouth parted. he yelled your name once again, this time coming by you.

he cringes at your pain and panics, eyes frantically searching your face before he helps you sit up.

“it’s o-okay,” his shaky hands brush your hair away, “stay still i’ll be right back!”

“the medicine is top left drawer!” you manage to yell, falling back on the bed while one hand rested on your forehead.

“hurry up!” you yell, grunting and groaning until seonghwa zooms in right beside you.

he slowly helps you sit up, holding your hand tightly as he kept mumbling sweet nothings. he hands you the medicine and you gulp it down, he holds onto you firmly, brushing away the strands of hair.

you hold onto his shoulders, trying not to let out a scream of pain. he welcomes the tight grip you have on him and places a hand behind your head, lowering it to his shoulder.

his other hand softly rubs your back as you squeeze your eyes shut, “i-it hurts,”

he hums, swallowing and then tucking your face in his neck. “you’re alright baby, you’re okay, you’re with me.” he mumbles against your ear and you tighten your hold onto him.

“get away from me,” you grit out, “go get yeosang.”

he immediately nods, not wanting to leave pull away from the embrace. “o-of course, i’m sorry. do you need anything else? anything at all?”

you shake your head, “get the doctor, get yeosang and get away from me.”

“but you’re hurting,” his quips, voice full of uncertainty. “i’m not going to leave y/n.”

“j-just go.” you push his chest away, curling your fingers around your dress instead.

he nods shakily, “alright, i’ll go get yeosang, if you need any-“

“just go!”

your loud yell makes him flinch and sighs softly, letting go of your body knowing he’s the one to blame of this situation. he stands up, looks over at you in worry before walking out the door.

“alright y/n, i’ll go get him.”

you fall back immediately, wanting for it all to stop. curling up in a fetal position you hold onto the pillow until yeosang comes, seonghwa watches you from the door.

one hand holding the phone to his ear while his eyes flickered glints of pain, he hears every instruction the man says. biting down on his lips, he watches your expression morph into relief, and he thinks the pains over.

he watches you fall asleep, walking in quietly and then lifting the blanket up till your shoulders. bunching up your hair, out of your face.

his knuckles brush lightly against your cheek, and he shudders, “i’m sorry,” he whispers “please forgive me.” and then lowers his face, pecking your cheek for a brief second and then places a pillow by your back.

he finds himself sitting outside your room, the door to your room slightly open. he thinks in case of another situation like this, he’ll be able to get inside quicker to rush to your aid.

he backs himself to the wall right by the door, straightening his legs and then closing his eyes until morning hits.

when you wake up the next day, your eyes hastily glance at the clock. cursing lowly at how late you’ve woken up, groaning and then getting up to freshen yourself up.

when you walk out, you pause when your eyes fall upon seonghwa sitting on the floor, sleeping.

you clear your throat, “your highness, hey.” you tap your feet on the wood twice. when he doesn’t move, you bite the insides of your cheek and then glance left and right.

slowly lowering yourself to his eye-level, your eyes fall over his face. cheeks swished against his shoulder, hair over his eyes and his lips all pink and pouty.

you find yourself smiling, lifting your hand out and brushing his hair to the side. doing so only made butterflies erupt inside you, caressing his forehead lightly you feel tears trickle in your eyes.

“why do you do this hwa?” you whisper to yourself, “you’re a big idiot you know, i hope our kid doesn’t go on you.”

you poke his cheek, “you made me cry a lot you know?” and then poke his pillowy lips.

“i should hate you,” you whisper, “i do, don’t get me wrong.”

you sniffle a little and then dare to bring your face close to his, quickly wanting to place a peck on his forehead and then leave and then pretend a different nothing had happened.

when you inch closer, his eyes shoot open and he grabs you by the waist, making you fall onto his lap.

your eyes widen, “h-hey! seo- your highness, this is inappropriate!”

he grips your waist, “and what you did wasn’t?” you stare into his eyes and then look away.

“this is how we’re supposed to be y/n,” he says softly, “i love you, i still love you with every fiber in body. i’ll have it engraved to my tombstone, so even death can’t do us apart.”

he inches closer, lips grazing your neck. “so, miss general, please let me back in.”

you stay quiet, looking off into the hallway before shoving his hands away. “go sit at the table, i’ll make the breakfast this time.”

and that’s when he smiles big, squealing and then tucking his face in your neck. giving you a tight hug before letting you go; you hear his excited giggles while you walk away with a small smile.

“whose shirt is that?” the minute you walk out the shower seonghwa questions you.

sitting on the couch, a book in hand and legs crossed. he watches you walk out, in a white shirt, wet hair and his black ring that brought a smile on his lips.

“where’s yeosang?” you ask, grabbing a glass of water and bringing it up to your lips.

“that’s his shirt?!” he yells, eyes widening he stands up.

you throw him a glance, “i said where’s yeosang?”

“who’s fucking shirt is that?” he smirks, coming up behind you till he’s front is pressed against your back.

“it’s mine, what’s your deal.” you hear him let out a low hum, snaking a hand around your waist. his eyes fall on the collar, and he ticks ups an eyebrow.

and then smiled shyly, resting his chin on your shoulder he brings both his arms around you, intertwining his hands at your front.

“you could’ve told me if you wanted more of my shirts,” he mumbles, “this ones kind of boring hm?”

you grip the glass tightly at that, flickering your eyes from the table to the ground. and then you feel him press against your back, making you shiver.

he kisses your neck and softly taps your stomach, “i’ll be home later, okay?” you inhale sharply the minute you feel his warmth leave and then groan.

when he comes back, the house is quiet. grinning to himself he walks to change in his night clothes, and then jumps onto the couch.

he lets out a sigh of relief, knowing he clocked the doors and you’re fast asleep, and the progress between your relationship is working to a good end.

he brings his hands behind his head and leans back, leaning into the couch as he shut his eyes.  

and it’s as if ten minutes later, his eyes shoot open when he hears a call for his name. he shakes his head and looks around, when he doesn’t hear anything, he pulls the blanket above his head.

but then just two minutes later, he hears a louder cry for his name. this time he yanks the blanket down, panic swirling in his chest once he hears a louder groan.

he stands up, glancing at the clock, frowning at the later hours of might. he quietly walks himself down the hallway to your room, eyes widening when he hears the voices coming from your room.

he steps closer and brings his ear against the door, eyes widening when he hears your low moans for his name. his hand rests in the doorknob and just as he’s about to twist it, he pauses when he hears a breathy call of his name.

his eyebrows furrow, “y/n?” he calls out in worry.

you pause, biting your lip when you hear his voice. you glance down at your fingers against your folds and then to the door, “d-don’t come in!”

you lean yourself against the bed frame, inching your fingers closer to your wet folds and then slowly starting to move them.

“why? what’s going on?”

you hear him say just as you fasten the speed, biting down on your lip so that a mewl won’t escape.

“seonghwa,”

he stops and then he groans, “shit, y/n, baby let me in.”

and you push your fingers in, shuddering as you pumped in and out. your other hand travels to your breast, softly kneading while your fingers worked in and out of you.

he knocks on the door, pressing himself against the door when he hears you moan out his name. swallowing when he hears the pretty voices of yours, he hasn’t heard in a while.

“y/n,” he says lowly, and you cry his name out, he finds himself closing his eyes and letting out shaky breaths.

“seonghwa,” you cry out loudly and the doorknob shakes, parting your lips as you let out a silent scream.

“fuck,” he groans, his own self getting impatient. “baby, open the door for me.”

you shake your head as if he could see you, feeling the wetness starting to pool out of you. your chest heaving up and down while your mouth keys out pretty voices that has his cock twitching in his pants.

“baby, louder,” he says, “i can’t hear you.”

and as if on demand, you whine out loudly. he curls his fists, trying to control himself to not barge in until you say so.

“y/n, let me in please.” he begs, biting his lips, hard enough to perhaps draw blood.

“d-don’t.” you let out shakily, shutting your eyes as the heat started to coil up in your stomach.

“but i can make you feel so good,” he says breathily, “i know that body like my own cock.”

you mewl at his words, “just go away!” you squirm, “or stay put.”

abs he chooses the second option, looking down at the tent forming in his pants before looking at the door.

he finds himself getting needy, palming his own cock slowly. closing his eyes and leaning back on the door, mouth parting when he hears your voices.

he tries to imagine you but whines when he can’t, “y/n,” he says once again, shutting his eyes as he feels his cock twitch.

and then there’s silence from the other side, he places a hand on the doorknob and twists it and to his surprise the door opens wide.

he turns around and inhales sharply when he sees you sitting on the bed, your fingers inside your pussy and moans.

he walks inside when you stare at him, your legs shut close when he stands by the end of your bed. his eyes showing a dark glint and teeth gnawing on his bottom lip, he then gets a hold onto your ankles and pulls you to the end.

you let out a surprise yelp when he spreads your legs wide, he shuts his eyes and rests his forehead on yours. “please let me fuck you properly baby,” he grits out and you whimper, “let me make you feel good.”

he kneels down and placed his larger hands on your thighs, “y/n, look here.” you look away as the heat rushes to your cheeks, you close your legs, but he holds onto them and spreads them wider.

“no baby, let me see this, it’s all for me.” he then trails a finger down your clit and you shiver, he then lowers himself close to your already wet and needy center.

“tell me to stop right now and i will,” he looks straight at you, fiddling with your dress as bunches it up.

“can i?” his hot breath fans against your inner thighs and you close your eyes, “c-“

“yes, just hurry up!” you say out loudly and he smirks, holding onto your waist he dips his head between your legs and you cry out at the sensitively from your previous high.

you lay back on the bed, elbows holding you up as he dives his tongue inside of you. lapping at different speeds and eating you out as if the man has been starved for days.

“shit,” you whine, “h-hwa.”

“so pretty,” he says in between, diving his tongue in making you let out a moan for his name that has his cock twitch, and he moves in and out of you skillfully.

alternating from long slow licks to small circles with his fingers to his tongue lapping sinfully against your clit until he's had his fingers easily sliding in and out of you.

you close your legs, and he growls lowly, using his hands to part them as he finds a particular interest in sucking on the nerves that have you rolling your eyes back.

“c-close,” you whine out and he delivers a particular harsh suck that has you screaming his name and coming off your high.

he places hot trails of kisses by your inner thighs and then looks up at you, your head thrown back, chest heaving up and down heavily and the sweat lined against you.

he then stands up to hover of you, your eyes shut tight, and he smiles. “y/n,” he places his lips onto yours, you respond back after a few seconds and he smiles, finally feeling them on his.

you wrap your arms around his shoulders, “i’m sorry,” he mumbles against your lips and you pull back to rest your head back.

“i’m sorry too,” you mutter, he tucks his face in your neck, wrapping his arm around yours.

“i’m the one at fault,” he says, “you don’t need to apologize.”

you hum, running your hand through his hair. “will you let me back in?” you hear his quiet voice by your ear.

“seonghwa, i’m horny right now,” he chuckles, “you saying that sentence is making me think dirty thoughts.”

“do you want me go in?” he asks, purely out of playfulness.

“hm, do it right now.” you mumble lazily and he shoots his head up.

“are you serious?” he asks, genuinely surprised at your words.

you nod, “i heard pregnancy sex is the best, i want to try it.”

he laughs at your straightforward manner and shakes his head, “baby i don’t want to hurt you,” he moves his hand to your stomach. “or our little one inside.”

“just do it,” you open your eyes to meet his shiny ones, “i won’t let you do later on.”

he puckers his lips, “but won’t it hu-“

“no, it won’t, trust me.” you say, “hurry up!”

he shakes his head, “not right now baby, let’s do it next time.”

you laugh, “next time?” you shake your head, “no next time hwa.”

“just one? what about the five kids we wanted?” you smack his shoulder and then cup his cheeks.

“park seonghwa, the next time you do shit like this i’ll break you.”

he grins, swooping you up in his arms. you yelp but wrap your arms around his neck anyways. he has a grin on his lips that you haven’t seen in a while and it makes you feel as if everything’s settled, he glances at you from time to time and you see the same love you used too.

when you two lay on your bed side by side, he seems to have a permanent pout on his face as he sulks in your neck. you smile and lift your hands to run through his hair, he wraps his arm around your waist and nuzzles into you.

he places a soft peck on your neck before getting comfortable, bringing the blankets up and nuzzling into you. his hand rests on your stomach, caressing it lightly before falling asleep beside you. this was the best sleep you two had gotten, in a while.

and the next morning it’s as if his demeanor changed, he woke up before you but stayed in bed to admire your face. his lips met your forehead, nose, and then your lips as he looked at the glow shinning on your face.

he helps you with your sickness, doing chores that would usually be easier for you, bringing you all the strawberries and meals he had.

and you returned it with having him to run across town to bring you that one thing you ate months ago or shoving him inside the shower fully clothed because you thought he smelled weird, three times.

or him borrowing that book of names from your dad, that he reads every day before sleeping, suggesting you to name the child a name he heard in a movie.

or when he visits the town to bring home little clothes, shoes, hats and socks for your unborn child. he comes in giggling while holding bags full of stuff he bought, he then compares the sizes between his ginormous clothes to the baby ones.

he caresses your stomach one in a while, mumbling how, “good you look filled up with me.” and you smack his arm away.

how when you bump had finally grown more, you screamed his name and lifted your shirt. he came in running, a spoon in his mouth and the plate of pasta he held now chucked to the side.

he pokes at your stomach and feels the bump, kneeling in front of you. when he kisses your stomach, it usually ends up with him crying because he’s way too excited, more excited than you.

and when the guys noticed the bump, they all squealed so loud. especially mingi who seemed to be the most excited out of all, also who seonghwa had to shoo away.

the guys walk in at any given time of the day, sometimes when seonghwa has to tend to his duties, one of the guys would come and keep you company. cracking jokes or guessing the gender or the name you had thought off.

it’s as if time slipped, and your belly was even more swollen. yeosang who comes for your daily checkup, jumps on his feet whenever he feels the baby kick through his stethoscope.

“you’ll be due soon,” he’d say, and it only made you more nervous, because you had heard about the pain one experiences, or how some don’t make it through, or if you would be a good m-

“what’s your pretty little head thinking?” you break off from your trance to look at seonghwa, who laid beside you on the bed.

your hand reaches up to your belly, “nothing, just wondering who the kid will go on.”

he smirks at that, “on me of course, they’ll take my good looks and my brains.”

you snarl at the man and bring the sheets up to your chin, getting comfortable and closing your eyes.

but it’s as if god has different plans, at exactly 3:44 your eyes shoot open. your hand goes to your stomach and then you feel it, your water’s broken.

you look at seonghwa who’s sleeping with a content smile and poke his face, “hwa, hwa get up.”

he stirs in his sleep and lazily opens his eyes and hums, “hmm whaat is it, do you want mo stawbehies?”

“no,” you lean down, “my water broke.”

he squishes his cheek against the pillow and mumbles out a soft, “what?”

you roll your eyes, “the baby’s coming!” you yell, “right now!”

and it takes him no time to jump off his bed, he first looks at you wide eyed and mouth hung open. his hands are up by his head as if someone has arrested him and then he screams, loudly.

you’re sure all the lights of the villa are turning on, seonghwa picks you up from the bed and runs down the room you two had prepared beforehand, he lays you down on the bed and when he sees your face contorting into pain he screams, yet again.

“get the midwife!” he yells at himself, running in his doodle filled pyjamas down to grab the midwife.

at this point, everyone’s awake. the maids who are patiently waiting outside in the hallway, both yours and seonghwa’s parents standing by each other guessing who the baby will go on.

the guys who are half awake standing in their matching pyjamas that you bought for them in a group set, betting money on if it’s the gender they guessed on.

seonghwa’s inside the room, walking back and forth as if he’s the one who’s pregnant. the midwife and her workers help fix the room while telling you breathing exercises, you listen to them as you laid comfortably.

“stop running around,” you tell him, your feelings totally contrasting. he’s panicking and you’re sitting all relaxed.

“your highness,” the midwife bows, “you should wait outside.”

“oh no, no, no!” he immediately disagrees, “i’m staying here, by her side.”

“but yo-“

“no questions asked,” he says and you stare at him wide eyed, you’re about to call out for his name but then you feel the pain kicking in.

“seonghwa!” you yell and he’s immediately kneeling by you, running a hand through your hair as the pain worsened.

“it’s happening,” the midwife says, “hold on tight miss general, you’re in for a ride.”

and you scream immediately.

“it’s okay, it’s okay, you’re doing amazing!”

“park seonghwa, shut up!”

“no no, i read this in the books, if i keep talking to you-“ he’s cut off by him screaming as you grip his hand hard.

“i’m never going to let you do this again!” you yell, breathing heavily as a layer of sweat washes over you.

“you’re doing great, breathe, our child’s almost here.” he watches you groan and yell and push and cry and his respect for you grows every second.

he kneels to your face, wiping away the sweat and tears by a towel. “you know, this isn’t the right time, but you look really hot right now.”

you push his face away and yell, the midwife cries out in happiness as she tells seonghwa to do whatever he did once again.

he nods immediately, holding your hand in his. “are you ready for kid number one?”

your eyes grow wide and the midwife screams, “park seonghwa, this is the one and only-“

“one more time! your highness, one more!”

“i know we just had my birthday, but we should have that night aga-“

“no!” you scream, gripping the sheets tightly and shutting your eyes.

he caresses your forehead while holding your hand, “i bet it’s a prin-“

“it’s a princess!” and you hear the crying of a child.

your body falls in a pool of relief, and your eyes cry out a river. your mouths hung open as you breathe in and out, trying to catch your breath.

the midwife comes with a big smile, carrying a small body frame in her arms, with a smile she places the body on your rising chest. your trembling hands hold onto, your daughter, your newborn daughter.

your eyes immediately move to seonghwa’s and find him hiding his face in his arms, you ask him to lift his head up and once he does his eyes water more. you nod and take his hand to bring it over your daughter, his face quickly breaks out into a big smile.

he inches closer and the midwifes move to the bathroom the room for privacy, his eyes fall out fat droplets of tears as he looks at you and then to the small face tucked into a cloth.

his wide eyes turn onto crescents when he notices the baby, her cute chubby cheeks, her little lips and her small little hands.

“s-she,” he sobs, “our daughter.”

you nod and ask him to hold her, he says no at first, telling you that his hands are too big or what if he drops her. you take his hands and then gently hand him your little princess.

“our princess,” he says, eyes flickering to you and to the baby he coddles.

“our daughter, princess of eden, park hwayoung.”

eight months later.

you and seonghwa huddle up together, opening the door to your daughter’s room slowly in hopes that the noise won’t disturb her sleep.

but when you do open the window, she’s standing with her arms leaning over the crib wall. opening her little mouth yawning, stretching her arms over her head dramatically before falling down on her bed.

seonghwa coos beside you and you hurry inside, “hwayoung-ah!” you say, and her eyes fly to yours, widening and sparkling.

damn it, just like her dad.

she lifts her hands up for you to pick her up, once you do, your brush her short hair back and she giggles before pointing at seonghwa who stood behind you, with his arms wrapped around your waist.

“hi princess,” he says and she reaches for his cheeks, planting her small hands on his skin.

“ha!” she says and you laugh, making seonghwa frown.

“it’s da-da hwayoung, not ha!” he whines in your ear, and she does nothing but call him ‘ha’ again.

you smile sheepishly because you know it’s your deeds, you call seonghwa ‘hwa’ so much that your daughter had picked it up too.

but since she’s little and wobbles over her words, she calls him “ha!” instead of “hwa,” which everyone finds too adorable.

she smiles when she sees seonghwa pout, her little giggles filling the room and you realize how grown she had gotten so quick.

you still remember the very first month, both you and seonghwa didn’t leave hwayoung alone for even a second. building a makeshift bed for her in between you two, she’d sleep half her day away.

her hands curled up onto little fists, sleeping like a starfish, her frame wrapped in a yellow duckie blanket gifted to her by mingi.

the second month was when you two really experienced the chaotic energy she had, waking up at the most spontaneous hours of the night, crying and screaming and then laughing and playing the other second.

the third month was when you and seonghwa would have a breakdown, you remember how when you asked seonghwa to change her diaper and he stared at you with horror.

he would use the tip of his fingers to remove the diaper and then with your help change it for her, while she either slept away or moved way too much.

seonghwa still finds it horrifying when he remembers his own stories with hwayoung.

but as months passed by, at five months was when you two heard her say her very first word.

“mama,”

and you cried out of joy, shoving your face into seonghwa’s, celebrating your win over the small contest you two had over who’s name would she say first.

the next shocker you had was when you were in her room, cleaning her toys up and you looked back and saw her standing up on her feet.

you immediately called seonghwa over and he comes in with a camera with him, filming the very first steps of his daughter.

when it hit eight months, you two had kind of gotten the hang off your daughter. and it was the best feeling to see her every day, screaming or laughing or looking at you with those eyes of her dad’s.

whenever you would scold her, she would widen her eyes and stare into your soul.

needless to say, she’s a carbon copy of seonghwa’s personality and a mixture of both your face.

aside from the eyes, she had the cutest cheeks you had ever seen, pouty lips and a contagious smile that brightened the room wherever she went.

seonghwa had also gone out of his way to get hwayoung anything her eyes laid on, which included dresses with strawberries on them.

one thing your daughter absolutely loved was strawberries, no wonder you had craved them so much during her.

she’s just like her dad and seonghwa makes sure to boast it in your face every day, or whenever hwayoung would waddle her way to him when he would come from work.

but she was your daughter, in the end of the day she runs to you with her arms frantically moving up and down and then finally falling asleep in your embrace.

and when she would sleep on seonghwa’s chest because she found it more comfortable, you’d snap a quick picture while seonghwa smiled, caressing her cheek.

when she finally hit the two-year mark, both you and hwayoung had a portrait taken. where she sat on your lap, a big smile on her face, short hair pulled into two pigtails and a pink dress.

that was your new favourite picture.

ah, and well as for your duty as a general. you decided to retire, wanting to be by hwayoung’s side all the time. you were now an ex-general, still taking the time in between to train a few newbies.

jongho had become the new head of the army and he made sure to boast it in your face and you’d laugh and say, “i trained you!”

you and seonghwa would carry your daughter everywhere, seonghwa would make her sit on his shoulders while her tiny hands played with his hair, and you’d prop her on your waist while she played with the chain around your neck.

in the end of the day, you and seonghwa would huddle together in the bed tiredly because your daughter had way too much energy.

“let’s not have another kid, she’s enough.”

that was funny because you screamed that same sentence on your second. yelling at seonghwa who only held your hand and helped you through the birth while saying ridiculous things that riled you up.

and this time, it was a boy.

seonghwa had chosen the name this time, hwan.

you remember the little guy screaming in the middle of the might that made you and seonghwa run to the room, most of the time it was hwayoung bothering him and others he was crying for no reason.

he had developed more of your personality but looked exactly like seonghwa, jongho would laugh and call it a “double homicide.”

hwan would spend time with hongjoong often, fascinated by the fact how his uncle played the piano.

who would excitedly teach him how to play and hwan would watch with his cat-like eyes, sitting beside hongjoong while his fingers played the keys.

hwayoung would make the rest of the guys dress up in pink tutu’s and invite them to her tea party, handwriting a sign with swirls and rainbows.

and they’d join happily, calling her their “little princess” who’s order they will forever follow.

others would find it surprising that how the big and bad princes and kings and generals (the guys) would be wrapped around the fingers of your kids.

you and seonghwa, worked even close than before. alternating responsibilities from your kids and then to the royal duties, but you made sure you would always spend time with the kids.

which meant taking them to the balmoral villa by the sea, or them jumping onto you and seonghwa first thing in the morning and then cuddle before falling asleep again.

you would discipline the kids while seonghwa spoiled them.

and then when the day had finally come, seonghwa’s parents had stepped down from the throne of eden.

hand in hand you two stood by each other, dressed in the coronation clothes with crowns over your head.

your kids stood in front of you two, playing with their clothes while pointing everywhere. the photographer snapped multiple photos and they would get broadcasted everywhere just like how the coronation.

you and seonghwa walked out the throne room, hearing the public chant your names and hold the flags of eden. waving their hands to yours, and you two glanced at each other and then laughed.

because in the end you two were together, with a small family of your own. your friends and parents supporting you and a new public who looked after you.

hwan and hwayoung ran to you two, yelling for you while holding their arms wide open. you picked hwan up and seonghwa picked hwayoung in his arms.

asking her to wave at the ones standing there for them, hwan would shy away and bury his face in your neck.

you glanced at seonghwa, and he winks, puckering his lips playfully and you shook your head, looking ahead.

this was it, seonghwa became the new king of eden and you, the queen consort of eden.

and you lived happily ever after.

the end.

previous part. 

tag list : @mingi-ivity : @luvhaos : @mangotexts : @atinyteez​ : @preets-kpop-world : @atozfic : @idiomaticpunk : @ofcjongho : @ateezappreciation : @sparklychangbin : @annasbananas : @happycandynoelle : @seonghwas-shinystar-x​ : @treasure-hwa : @etherealbyeol  : @sktbzc0re : @utopiakys  : @hanflix : @skmoonchild : @uzumakioden : @thiccseokmin​ 

unable to tag : @multi–trash : @rawrrainn : @deobichoice : @hongzkdlin

#i think it rushed #seonghwa #park seonghwa #ateez #ateez seonghwa #ateez smut #ateez scenarios #seonghwa smut #seonghwa fluff #seonghwa angst #seonghwa fics #ateez fics #ateez park seonghwa #ateez x reader #seonghwa x reader #ateez imagines #ateez royalty au

[yandere-sins]

His Love

Horrortober Day 4: Needle  |  “It’s just a tiny sting. You won’t notice it at all.”

Day 4! Time is passing so fast... but I am glad to do this challenge :3 I think the biggest challenge for me is actually writing for the character’s I predetermined at the beginning. I find myself wanting to switch them around for prompts but no! I will stick to the list and keep challenging myself ^-^

Warnings: Yandere, TW Needle/Syringe, Kidnapping, Gags and being tied up, Sedation Characters: Dazai Osamu x Reader

It was wrong.

With tears streaming down your face, you had to recognize that everything you thought had been right was actually terribly wrong. You only just met him. Perhaps it had been a month now. But really, you only just met this wonderful stranger named Dazai. He didn’t just catch your eye, he also pulled at your heartstrings. It was the kind of love you always had wanted, just… it wasn’t. Not really. 

Not if that love meant being held captive, gagged and tied, staring into the face of a madman.

Something about the way he held the needle in his hand, clear drops of something collecting at its nozzle, seemed utterly wrong. Not just morally. Morally it was very wrong. No one should fear getting injected with something unknown. But the way he held it was strange enough to ring alarm bells. As if he didn’t know how to properly use it.

As if he didn’t know what he was doing.

“Shh,” Dazai shushed you calmly, holding down your right leg as you began to move and struggle again. Panic rose inside of you, festering in every inch of your body. NO! you wanted to scream at him, your bare feet trying to kick Dazai or at least the syringe out of his hand. Whatever his plan was, you didn’t want to have anything to do with it. 

You’ve tried being calm, tried being patient with him. When he invited you over to his apartment, only to spike the tea he served you with drugs, you were scared, yes. But you tried your best to work with him and his crazy wishes. No useless question fell off your lips anymore after Dazai stared at you crazed when you asked him if you could leave. You’ve been so good. So why did you have to go through this?

“It’s just a tiny sting. You won’t notice it at all,” Dazai assured you, or rather, reassured you. But with your mouth gagged, you couldn’t tell him how little you feared the needle and how much you feared what it would transfer in your body. With the last bit of effort you could come up with, you looked at him, fixating his eyes with yours. As miserable as you could, you pleaded with him silently to please not do it.

And for a moment, it seemed to work. Dazai merely stared back. You weren’t sure what he saw, maybe it was his own reflection that made him hesitant, but it caught him, made him lower his arm. “You know,” he mumbled, slowly painting his fingers over your leg. It gave you goosebumps, but at the same time, it helped to lower your anxiety, seeing how he relaxed. “I don’t like doing this to you, either.”

Even you knew those were empty words. Just like all the other words he always told you. Dazai’ loved you’, ‘adored you’ even. What a joke. ‘Couldn’t imagine a life without you’ and ‘wished to always be with you’. And he could have! Some part of you believed that if he hadn’t done these things to you—kidnapping and mistreating you in every way possible—then perhaps, you two could have become the couple he wanted. He could have proved you wrong. Proved that the love you always wanted did exist!

You two could have found a way to live. With each other or apart, but in love. Beautiful, pure love. But not like this. Not with him still gripping the syringe in his hand, eyes lowering to leer at your body presented to him like a gift. A gift he wrapped himself while you were unconscious like so many of your days now. Because you were his present to enjoy, no matter if you liked it or not. 

A sigh of relief left you, despite getting stuck on the gag, and you dared to look away, only to feel his grip tighten around your ankle again. Alarmed, you opened your eyes again, looking at a man full of disappointment and anger. Back was the tension that left you before and gone the feeling of safety you irresponsibly allowed yourself to have after the threat seemed banned. 

“I don’t like doing it, but I hate it even more to see you’ve been hiding this from me.”

From his trouser’s back pocket, Dazai pulled a black, rectangle object, dangling it in front of your face. Shit, you thought, and you were pretty sure the truth was showing in your expression. You knew exactly what it was: your savior. A phone that the man who came to patch you up after a rough fight with your captor two days ago left you. It had been a risk to have, but you hid it in the cover of your pillow. But without the possibility to use it until now, this random act of kindness had been in vain. You’ve been wanting to dial the emergency contacts, but before you could, Dazai had forced you to rest, leaving you restrained until he came back. But you didn’t think he could find it, even if you never used it. 

“Why must there be secrets between us, my love? You know I hate being deceived, but let’s be honest, did you really think I wouldn’t find it?”

Tugging at your ankle, you yelped, losing the strength in your body to keep yourself up and face him. You’ve been good. All this time, you had been understanding and patient. But who could blame you for clinging to a ray of hope? Shaking your head, you tried to plead with him again, but this time, his expression was merely filled with conceited disappointment. As if he was any better than you. That overprotective, obsessed, and mad asshole. 

“So while I go out and find who dared putting these stupid thoughts in your head, I can’t risk you being as awake and clever as you think you are.”

The syringe came back in sight, and you felt almost defeated, knowing there was nothing you could do against a decision he had already made. There was only hoping for the best and trying to prepare for the awakening by his side later, coddled and suffocating in his chest. 

“Dazai,” you said, but what came out was probably nothing more than blabbering against the gag. If he could say empty words, then so could you. If your survival depended on being sweet and kind to the man who was ruining you with his mere presence, then you would be what he wanted from you. 

His eyes opened wide, his name being such a rare word to hear from you, even if you butchered it with your inability to speak properly. Letting go of your ankle, he climbed on top of you, making it easier to look at him again while you laid down and relaxed. “I love you,” you lied, the feelings never reaching your eyes, but they certainly lifted Dazai’s mood. “Me too!” he sighed, smiling softly. “I love you too.”

It really was just a tiny sting, but against his promise, you felt it painfully in the side of your upper body. Letting out a strained groan, you temporarily tensed before you were sedated, eyes slowly closing as you drifted off to another sleepless night for you. In the cold, dark bunker that Dazai called your home, nothing seemed safe, and nothing was right. You could do everything you dared, but you couldn’t do the things you wanted. 

However, something even Dazai had to realize at some point was that you hadn’t given up yet. You’d never. You had a life before this—one you loved. Even if you had to make yourself small and loveable, endure the hardships of a thousand needles and the love of a psycho who you once thought was the man of your dreams, you wouldn’t give up. You wanted to believe that there was more to life than being here, that there was so much more to see and experience than the trauma you were going through. That there still was true love waiting for you. A love that was stronger than all of this. 

But did you really believe you were stronger than that cunning man who calls you the love of his life?

#dazai #dazai osamu #dazai bsd #yandere dazai #yandere!dazai #Bungou Stray Dogs #BDS #yandere bds #yandere!bds #yandere bungou stray dogs #yandere!bungou stray dogs #yandere #yandere imagines #yandere headcanons #yandere scenarios #yandere fanfiction #yandere writing #yandere stories #yandere oneshots #yandere oneshot #yandere drabble #yandere x reader #yandere x darling #Yandere TW #horrortoberchallenge2021

[thescarletwitchsapprentice]

A Pure Soul (Yandere!Wanda Maximoff x ADD!Autistic!reader)

Summary: Two weeks or so after Wanda arrives at the Avengers’ Place, (y/n) shows up. An autistic Avenger who’s extremely honest and who doesn’t really seem to mind just being by themself, but also is kind and even affectionate to others. Wanda’s smitten by this and does the unthinkable.

Request?: Nope. I’m literally just throwing this out of the back of my head. From the Yandere Starter Prompts list by @yandere-mccree

Prompt: 5. “This world doesn’t deserve an angel like you.”

Warnings: (AOU Spoilers, CACW spoilers, IW spoilers, Endgame spoilers, torture sorta, sleep paralysis mention, ableism, slight manipulation?, kidnapping, mind-breaking mention)

Note: I wanted to try a bit more of a subtle Yandere vibe for Wanda. I’ve never really written one of these, so it might not be as great as I hoped. I don’t encourage or condone the unhealthy aspects.

Word Count: 3,268

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It’s only been a couple of weeks or so after she’d been taken from Sokovia after it was destroyed. Wanda’s still mourning the loss of her brother when you arrive. You're a shy person, not a fan of eye contact, but you do like touch, hugs in particular, as well as head pets.

Wanda doesn’t pay attention to you much at first. You’re just another Avenger to her; a nice change of pace, but that’s all. But then comes Lagos. Wanda now has guilt along with so much trauma. It’s no surprise when you hear her crying in her room one day, the door somehow left open a crack.

“I’m a terrible person,” she says softly, thinking no one heard.

You peek in and catch her with a pillow to her face, weeping. Your heart breaks. You know it’s on her, but she clearly feels terrible. You stand in the doorway until she soon notices you.

“Oh....(y/n),” she says as casually as she can. “Hey.”

“You’re not a terrible person,” you tell her.

She’s shocked to hear this.

“You’re not afraid of me?”

You shake your head.

“Why would I be?”

“I’m too destructive,” she says, sniffling. “You saw what happened in Lagos.”

You enter your room and sit on her bed with her. 

“But you’re also very kind,” you point out. “And you’re a good person. You clearly care when you hurt others, and you want to rectify your mistakes. A bad person wouldn’t do that.”

In that moment, you can sense her need for some physical contact. You lean over and give her a hug, rubbing her back.

“I’m glad you’re here, Wanda,” you tell her.

And you are. You truly are. Even if you don’t know her well, you’ve heard her talk a few times, and she’s a breath of fresh air. Most of the Avengers tend to be a bit loud and sometimes a bit insensitive, but not Wanda. Wanda’s extremely sensitive to others’ feelings and tends to be a quiet person. It’s something you need. Her accent is also soothing to you for some reason, not to mention she’s beautiful.

You let her cry on your shoulder for a few hours, even humming to her a bit. Then it’s dinnertime and you’re called to the kitchen. That’s when something in Wanda changes. You, an Avenger who barely knows her, aren’t afraid of her; in fact, you’re glad that she’s here. She also doesn’t know you all that well, but she’s seen some acts of kindness you’ve done for her and the other Avengers, even when you thought no one was watching. And she heard your thoughts when you were hugging her, all wonderful things about her, how you wish she could see how amazing she is, how beautiful she is.

At that moment, her heart melts. How can someone with such a sweet and pure soul like you exist? How could someone so....perfect exist? It’s a ray of sunshine in her heart, making her forget about the guilt and trauma, even if only for a few moments. Your presence is exactly what she needs. And she needs more of it.....

===================================

At first it starts off simple and small; making an effort to see you more often, running into you in the compound, smiling at you, making conversation. And honestly, there’s something about Wanda you can’t quite shake off. She does make your heart flutter; sometimes you get shy around her or even blush. It’s adorable and it’s something that only makes her more fond of you. 

She discovers you’re autistic when the lights of the compound are too bright one time. The second she notices how anxious you are after Tony turns on the lights before getting his coffee in the other room, she immediately turns them down for you, and she’s the first person you tell. 

“I’m touched that you trust me enough to confess this,” she tells you with a few tears in your eyes.

Wanda asks you what other things you like or dislike, things that give you sensory overload and things that help you calm down. She asks you about your experiences as an autistic person. You’re touched by how considerate she is, and even confess to her about your ADD, or Inattentive ADHD, as they call it now. She also asks about that, but does her best to take it a little at a time so that you’re not overwhelmed with questions.

What you don’t know is that she already knows all of this, having telepathy and all; she wants to hear it from you so that it doesn’t come off as creepy. She also loves to hear your voice. It’s like music to her ears, music that eases her stresses and trauma, even if only temporarily.

Then she starts to make some more effort, actively implementing what she knows and paying attention to things you say and do, so that she knows what she can do or say without it being suspicious. Wanda wants the relationship to move as naturally as possible. You’re her precious angel, and she doesn’t want to scare you. And she won’t unless it’s inevitable or of absolute necessity. 

Wanda buys a bunch of fidgets and other sensory things for you to try, keeping in mind what you’ve told her. But also throwing in some “close guesses,” meaning things she knows but that you haven’t told her, things close to what you’ve told her. She can easily pass it off as just “having a hunch,” as long as it doesn’t happen too often. 

Though she wants it to be as natural as possible, she occasionally uses her powers on you; nothing too severe at first. Just sending little suggestions to your mind; she’s told you a few of her favorite things, so she’ll base those suggestions off of that. One of the first suggestions is why not ask her how to make paprikash? She suggests that the two of you make it together and you agree. You’re not big on spice, but there’s some sweet paprika as a substitute. And it’s not as spicy as you think, but it’s delicious.

Sometimes Wanda sends a suggestion to get you going on a rant on one of your Special Interests; it’s both a chance for her to “get to know you more,” but mostly because she adores hearing you speak about what you love; she especially loves seeing that twinkle in your eyes and she loves seeing your face light up. It’s one of the most precious things to her, seeing you so happy. She wants to cherish every single second of it. 

Though you’re nervous about it, suggestions of humming or singing to her pop into your mind. You give into them fairly often, mostly later on in the relationship. She tells you about how beautiful your voice really is, which gets you shy and blushing. It’s so endearing to her, seeing her sweet little sunbeam being so cute without even trying.

When you come back from a battle, Wanda checks to make sure you’re okay as soon as possible. She volunteers to patch you up to the best of her ability, and she soon becomes the person you first think of when you need first aid or care after a battle.

Then Wanda decides to take it a little further; her room in the compound is next to yours. She stands outside of your door, waiting for you to go to sleep, before opening the door a tad and sending in sweet dreams. If there’s one thing she despises, it’s seeing her sweet little angel upset, and this assures that it won’t happen. 

Next she sends little dreams with her in it; first only small appearances, but then she becomes apparent little by little until she ends up being the focus of many of them. Of course she’ll throw in miscellaneous dreams here and there, just to make sure you don’t get suspicious.

Then comes Wanda’s biggest suggestion to you; you two have gotten so close over the past few months, why not ask her to be your girlfriend? It only makes sense. You still feel those butterflies in your stomach, you two both have amazing chemistry, and you both are very close. At this point, you don’t question it. You’re just nervous to ask, as you’ve never been in a relationship before. Of course the nervousness is also slightly part of the suggestion, more on a subconscious level. It’s not enough to make you panic; just enough to make you shy when asking her. And of course, you are. You end up stammering a little, blushing a bit. She fondly assures you that it’s okay to feel this nervousness, and happily accepts being your girlfriend. 

===============================

Now that you two are a couple, her next suggestion for you is to give into those affectionate feelings you have when cuddling with her. She loves the warmth you bring. Wanda didn’t think you could get any cuter, and yet she’s a full-on puddle when you cuddle with her. You’re just so sweet and Wanda can’t help but feel protective over you.

Others begin to notice you opening up more and they start making conversation with you. Of course Wanda’s listening to their thoughts to make sure they’re not interested in going further than a friendship with you. Friends are okay for her, and she’s very excited inside when you make a new friend, as she knows that making friends doesn’t exactly come naturally to you. However if it ever gets to anything past that, she’d have to take action. One does express interest in you, and that doesn’t sit well with Wanda. This person doesn’t deserve such a sweet angel, let alone her sweet little angel. Something must be done. 

That night, after sending you sweet dreams, she sneaks over to their place and hides just outside of their bedroom door. She’s able to track their brain activity, so she knows when they’ve gone to sleep. Once they do, she sends them their worst nightmares, ones that paralyze them in their sleep out of fear. The next day, you don’t see them at their usual time. You figure maybe they’re sick or they overslept. In the meantime, she’s there to keep you company. It happens on and off with them for some odd reason.

If it’s one of the Avengers taking an interest in you, Wanda ensures that the two of you don’t get too close. If you go on a mission and need a partner, Wanda steps up. It’s not really a surprise to them, with her being your girlfriend and all. She glares at the Avenger who’s showing interest, letting them know to stay back. 

=========================================

And then shit hits the fan.

You come back to the compound in tears one night and Wanda’s the first one at your side.

“(Y/N), what happened?” she asks worried.

You tell her about how you ran into someone who said that autism is a disease that needs to be cured and that you shouldn’t exist because you’re a burden on society. Wanda doesn’t leave your side that night. You need someone there for you. Externally she’s supportive and loving. But internally, she’s both heartbroken and fuming as she looks through the memory. A fire storms inside of her. How dare they tell such a sweet and pure soul like you that they’re a burden! How dare they say her sweet angel has a disease that needs to be cured! Wanda knows that autism has its challenges, but also its upsides. It’s not anything that needs a cure. It’s a part of your identity. She will NOT let this slide. Not even a little. 

After cuddling with you, and sending extra-special sweet dreams that night, Wanda finds the place of the person who told you this. Wanda sneaks into their bedroom and induces their worst nightmares, along with a dose of sleep paralysis. She uses her telekinesis to throw objects around the room and even at them. She uses her power to make them choke. Her grief and anger only amplifies the severity. It’s satisfying to her to hear them scream, plead, beg for mercy, to see them so helpless, knowing what they said to her precious angel. She keeps doing this to them until they’re completely broken, even going back multiple nights, just to make sure they’re gone for good. 

You don’t hear from them until you find out that they’ve become completely catatonic. Part of you still feels bad for them for some reason, but you don’t know why.

“You have nothing to feel bad about, (Y/N),” Wanda assures you when you bring this up with her. “Their guilt probably just got the best of them. C’mon, how about we get some lunch together?”

Wanda’s got your back and more for the next few days. And then Tony locks her in her room, and you’re infuriated. He just sees her as a weapon and not a person. In spite of their attempts to convince you to come along on missions, you decide to stay back and keep Wanda company, to make her confinement more bearable. 

The two of you both fight Tony together, end up in the Raft, and escape together, living away from the compound. Then comes the war. You’re the one dusted and Wanda survives. Those five years without you are hell to her. She spirals back into grief, guilt, and trauma, blaming herself for not being able to save you. Thank God for Bruce Banner. In 2023, he brings you back. The second Wanda finds this out, she rushes for you, her eyes filled with tears, and you’re just as relieved to see her. Your warmth sparks a sense of purpose back into her. After you died and were brought back to life, to her you’re truly an angel now, and she refuses to let an angel be harmed. She’s reluctant to let you fight, but she tells you as long as you stay by her, it should be fine.

Tony sacrifices himself to save you all from Thanos. The second the funeral is over, you decide to take a nap. Wanda gently grabs you and takes you to a remote location; a cottage in the middle of the woods on an island. Those five years without you and then suddenly having you back sent her protective instincts into overdrive. She decides that she can’t let anyone or anything hurt you anymore. She’s lost her parents and her brother. She can’t lose you. She won’t lose you.

When you come to, you’re shocked about where you are. 

“H-huh?”

Sitting up you begin to panic when you hear a familiar voice.

“Good! You’re awake.”

The smell of paprika hits your nose as you see her face, a sweet smile upon it. 

“W-wanda?” 

She brings over a plate of chicken paprikash. 

“What do you think, (y/n)?” she asks.

“Of what?”

She gives a little giggle.

“Of our new home, of course.”

Your heart jumps in your chest.

“New home?”

Wanda sets down the food on a nearby table, and sits next to you on the bed you’ve been placed in. 

“(Y/N), I.....those past five years....”

“Must’ve been horrific,” you say, still in shock.

She nods. 

“And I wish I could’ve saved you.”

She gently takes ahold of your hands. 

“And now that you’re back....I’m scared to lose you. I want us to be together forever.”

Your face flushes, and you glance away. She giggles a little and gently guides your face back up to her.

“My sweet (y/n), you’re too adorable,” she tells you.

Your eyes meet the bridge of her nose, and she doesn’t make you look at her eyes. She knows eye contact can be hell for you.

“I’ve missed this energy so much; I’ve missed your kind-hearted nature, your beautiful voice, your wide and innocent eyes, that cute little button nose, you cuddling up close to me. I’ve set everything in this cottage up just for you. I want you to be as comfortable and happy as possible here.”

“Where exactly are we, though?” you ask.

“Somewhere where you’ll never be hurt again. I’ll ensure that.”

This set off a slight red flag, and you panic a little.

“We couldn’t have just moved to a house in the suburbs or maybe a house in Greece?”

She shakes her head as she pets yours, something that absolutely gives you butterflies.

“No. This world doesn’t deserve an angel like you, sweet (y/n). You have such a pure soul-you are a pure soul-and the world outside will only hurt you. Sweet and innocent people, especially at your age, are very rare. They’re like diamonds; real diamonds. They’re extremely difficult to find, but once you do, they’re a treasure that needs to be protected. I want to be that for you. I want to protect you, keep you safe, love you and care for you. This cottage, this island, it can become a whole new world. At least give it a try? For me? Please?”

You want to say no, right? You’re not sure. It feels like something inside of you is at war, but one side is winning. Wanda’s clearly relieved to have you, and you’ve loved her for a long time now as she’s loved you for a long time now. You feel comfortable around her too. Perhaps a little protection might not be the worst idea. At the very least, a trial run wouldn’t hurt.

You nod.

“Okay, I’ll give it a go.”

Wanda hugs you close and gives you a small peck on the cheek. 

“Thank you, my sweet (y/n)! Thank you.”

The two of you have dinner together and then watch a few sitcoms before you cuddle up in bed as Wanda softly sings you a Sokovian lullaby, your head lying near her shoulder. As you drift off to sleep, Wanda watches you endearingly. What you don’t know is that you’re going to enjoy being here. She’d love it if it’s on your own terms, but if you start to seem distant, she won’t hesitate to use her magic to send some suggestions. Maybe it’s to prompt you to ask her to include or remove or change something, or even to enhance your joy for the little things. Extreme worst-case scenario? She’ll plague you with a few nightmares, ones that’ll show you how dangerous the outside world is without her, but it will pain her to do so. Expect a lot of cuddling and kisses from her when you wake up in tears in the hopes of making things better. And she makes sure they do. All she wants is for you to stay and be happy and safe with her. 

And even if you wanted to leave, it’s doubtful that even with your powers, you’ll get past the barrier Wanda’s put up. It’s doubtful that you’ll even get that far. It’s a big island after all. Big and deserted. She wants to give you enough space, but not too much. Just enough to make you happy. If you somehow find it, Wanda will make sure you’ll forget finding it. She’ll fill in the gaps with something else so that it doesn’t seem suspicious. It’s not surprising that she knows how to deal with so many outcomes; she’s had five years to think it over, after all, just in case you came back.

But none of that matters right now. All that matters is that she has you, her precious angel, and you’ll be hers forever one way or the other.

#yandere marvel #marvel #yandere!wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x autistic!reader #yandere!wanda maximoff #yandere avengers #Avengers #scarlet witch #yandere!scarlet witch #yandere x reader #avengers x you #avengers x reader #avengers imagine #autistic fanfics #dark!wanda maximoff #dark!wanda maximoff x reader

[snakess-17]

sniper NSFW Alphabet

A=Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

 he knows he can get a little out of control during sex, however he will be a little too tired to do anything about it so he just passes you a damp towel to clean you up and then falls asleep.

B=Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

his height, if that counts, he likes how he bows to you making it clear that he is much taller than you and has power over you in bed. as for you he likes your neck and shoulders, he likes to leave teeth marks and hickeys as a record of the night before.

C=Cum (anything to do with cum)

If he wants to cum in your mouth or chest, he will need a lot of persuasion if you want him to cum inside you, because children are not in on the plan.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

he always has some article of your clothing hidden somewhere in his trailer. it can be your panties or just a t-shirt and these can have different uses, either just sniffing them to think about you or sniffing them to think about you while he masturbates.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

he is not a virgin but he is not an encyclopedia either. he knows what is right and necessary, however he is always willing to keep learning to please you and make sure you are always satisfied.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying)

He gives him the opportunity to spank and go at the pace he wants, and to be able to mark your back, neck or shoulders.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

sex for him will always be an entertaining but intimate activity, he won't make jokes as such about it but he will always have a silly smile on his face.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He never cared about that and he won't do it now.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He is not very romantic about proposing as he is quite casual, they will be in his caravan relaxing and then suddenly he will say "do you want to do it? “

J = Jack/Jill Off (Masturbation headcanon)

If he will do it even if you have sex every day, he was just used to doing it before you came along and he doesn't lose the old ways.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

sensory deprivation, over stimulation, pet names and a little bit of degradation, maybe deep down something to do with urine, what? you may never know.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

He doesn't like to expose himself too much, let alone expose you to something like this at the hands of his team.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

He likes to see you needy, he will probably let you beg a little to get what you need but his hard-on in his pants shows that he needs you just the same.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

He will try everything at least once but nothing with blood or physical suffering, he turns it off immediately.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

she prefers to receive than give, deep throats are a weakness she will mention very little, but she loves it when you give her oral in the morning when she just woke up or while she has some nosy spy at the base in her sights. however she will also give you oral, not very often unless you ask her to, as she also likes to see you blushing trying to formulate a way to ask her. she will over stimulate you and you will probably cum about 3 times before you get to the main act, also please sit on her face, she loves it.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

it depends on the moment, however his favorite is fast and hard without being able to let you breathe and leave your ass red from the way his thrusts crash so hard. morning sex for example, is softer and gentler.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

in favor of the quickies before starting a battle against the other team. however, they are not his favorite thing.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

well he will try everything at least once as i mentioned before, he will also try (and thanks to that he knows he doesn't like) things that have to do with blood or physical pain like cutting and knife play, but if those things please you he might also have a more positive outlook on it and try it more often.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

She will give you plenty of stamina, on average she will go about 4 long rounds with a 10 minute break. however she will give it to you until you are satisfied with it don't worry.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He is not very interested in toys as he does not know much about the subject and the variety of them, but if you are interested he will be willing to try them on him or on you, as you wish.  

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Quite teasing, likes to make you nervous about sex, to tell you specifically what you want, talk dirty or let you know that you are much smaller than he is by comparing hand and leg sizes and the like.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He is not afraid to be a little loud in the bedroom, other than little moans and grunts what you hear the most from him is dirty talk in the form of whispers.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

I did some research on this and having sex during your period has a lot of benefits. want to try it?

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants)

quite long yet thinner than average.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

average, he won't be completely needy but don't let him forget about it either, maybe 4 or 3 times a week.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

both of you will be pretty exhausted after the act, so you will both be exhausted most of the time, so after you clean up and take what you need you will fall into each other's side.

#team fortress 2 #team fortress 2 headcanons #team fortress 2 imagines #tf2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 imagines #tf2 x reader #tf2 sniper #tf2 sniper x reader

[redheadsinmybed]

Broken

Wanda x Natasha x Reader

Reader is little, part of Loving a little series

Summary: Reader is on a mission. What happens when she gets hurt???

Notes: Hiiii guys, don’t forget to leave a comment :)

You were on a mission. Since you’ve got your new powers you’ve been going on missions more often. You are on a mission with Natasha and Wanda, although you were the only one who was out on the field. There was no one in the base and all you needed was to get some information. You are running through the woods towards the Hydra base.

Your lungs burn and your legs ache, but you keep running. The training didn’t seem to be helping you run for longer. You wish you had powers like Wanda. If you had powers like Wanda then you could just fly. Wait. You have fire powers, and possibly more. Suddenly you stop running to find yourself floating. Just like Wanda. What the?

“Guys, Wanda!!”

“What?!? What’s wrong, did you get hurt??”

“I’m floating, like you when you use your powers, but the magic isn’t red, it’s green. It looks like your guy’s eyes,” You say with adoration. Wanda and Natasha smile at each other at how cute you are.

“What did you do?” Natasha asks.

“Well I was thinking of how I wish I had powers like Wanda so I could fly to the Hydra base instead of running.” You say through your coms.

“And the next thing I know, I’m floating!” You exclaim.

“That’s great baby, you'll have to show me when we get home,” Wanda says.

“Now you can teach me!!” You squeal happily.

“Yes baby, now I can teach you. But you have to finish the mission first,” Wanda says.

“Oh right,” You say.

“Hey, so now how do I get down?” You ask, still just hovering above the ground.

“I don’t really know, maybe just think of the ground?” Natasha says after a while. You stare at the ground. Nothing happens so you close your eyes and let the overwhelming thought of the ground fill your mind. One moment you are floating ten feet above the ground and the next you are free falling down towards the ground.

When you hit the ground your right ankle takes the brunt of the fall, you land on it awkwardly and scream out in pain. Tear prick in your eyes and little you wants to come out so bad. But you fight it, you have to finish the mission first. You slowly pick yourself up putting all the weight on your left foot. You think that it’s not that bad, you just feel a lot of throbbing pain in your right ankle, nothing a good walk wouldn’t fix. You take a deep breath and take a step with your right foot, and you groan out in agony when you shift your weight.

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph!” You say taking a shuddering breath.

“Are you back on the ground?” Wanda says through coms.

“Uh y-yeah, I’m back on the groun-ah,” You say as you take another step.

“Baby? What happened?” Natasha says worried over the coms.

“Nothing I-I just fell on my ankle weird, I’m fi-ah-ne,” You say sniffing as you take another step. You don’t hear anything back on the other end, believing that you convinced them that you were fine. You take step after step, breathing heavily as tears fall from your eyes every step. You hear something behind you and you set yourself aflame.

“Hey, it’s just me baby,” Wanda says to you, as you turn around unlighting yourself.

“What are you doing?”

“Checking up on you, come on you need to go back to the jet.” She says walking towards you.

“No, I'm fine, I've got to finish the mission,” You say as you start walking again. You groan out in pain every time you shift your weight to your right foot. Wanda watches you for a little while, but it breaks her heart to see you in pain.

“Y/N stop,”

“No, gotta fin-ah-ish t-the mission,” you say, taking another step.

“Please don’t make me do this,” Wanda says, as you keep walking.

“Do what?” Taking another step. You stop and look back at her, she walks towards you, her eyes glinting a red.

“Wanda, don’t do it,” You warn her.

“Hey, look there’s Tasha,” You say pointing behind her. She looks behind her to find nothing. You hobble away as fast as you can letting out sounds of pain. You didn’t make it very far before you are swept up by Wanda and flying through the air. Surrounded by her arms, you relax and grumble about not being able to finish the mission. Eventually you rest your head in the crook of the neck and kiss her.

“Thank you,” You say to her.

“You’re welcome baby,” She says back. When you get back to the jet Natasha is already waiting for you. Wanda sets you down and you take off your shoes sitting down next to you and holding your hand. Careful, not to touch your purple swollen ankle. Natasha carefully grabbed your right foot.

“Ahhh, Tasha,” You hiss out in pain and squeeze Wanda’s hand. She gives you a sympathetic look and grabs some pain pills, you take them.

“You’re gonna have you get that checked by Bruce baby, it might be broken.” Natasha says. You whine, if it’s broken then you won’t be able to do anything. At least not with Wanda and Natasha being mother hens.

“No it’s fine, I promise.” You lie to them.

“Oh yeah? Stand up and put all your weight on your right foot.” Natasha says back. You look up at her.

“Baby, we don’t like seeing you hurt, we just want to make sure you’re okay,” Wanda says squeezing your hand.

“I know,” You say back, setting your head on her shoulder. Wanda strokes your hair while Natasha pilots the plane. You move so you're laying down, head in Wanda’s lap. You eventually fall asleep when the pain medicine pills kick in holding Wanda’s hand still.

When you wake up it’s to someone carrying you. You snuggle in closer to the person holding you.

“Hi baby, how are you feeling?” Wanda asks as she feels you move against her.

“Mmmm good,” You say sleepy.

“I see the pain pills are working,” Wanda says.

“Mhmm, stop talking lemme sleep,” You say to her.

“Baby you have to get checked by Bruce first,” Wanda says to you. You whine and snuggle further into Wanda.

“You have until we get there, then I’m gonna have to put you down baby,” Wanda says, that means you have at least 3 more minutes, depending on how long the elevator will take. In reality it only takes 30 seconds.

“We’re here baby,” Wanda says as she tries to set you down. You wrap your arms around her tightly and wrap your legs around her too. Going into full koala mode.

“Baby, don’t make me do it,” Wanda says.

“Do what?” Suddenly feel Wand’s hands at you sides.

“Wand’s don’t you dare.” You say looking at her seriously.

“Then get down and get your ankle checked.” Wanda says as her fingers move a little.

“Fine,” You say with a whine, untangling your arms and legs from her, hitting your ankle on her leg.

“Ahhh,” You gasp out in pain.

“Hello Y/N, I see that your ankle is a bit swollen and a nice shade of purple.” Bruce says with a smile.

“Is Natasha coming, or can I start.” Bruce asks.

“No she’s bringing everything to our room, she said she’d meet us after,” Wanda says. Bruce checks your ankle and deems it’s broken after an x-ray. He says you’ll need a shot that will heal it instantly. Tony and him just made it and need a test subject other than a bunny, so what better test subject than you?

“Can I go get Bunny and the love blanket please?” You ask Wanda with big puppy dog eyes.

“Yes baby, let’s go.”

“Wait, I can get it myself, please I promise ill be careful, I'll even fly if it makes you feel better,” You say to Wanda with pleading eyes.

“Okay fine, but no flying, that’s how you got this broken ankle anyways. I’m only letting you do this because I have to talk to Bruce about your new power.”

“Okay no flying, promise,” You swear on your life. You walk out the room and make your way to your room. You walk up the stairs and quickly look around. You don’t see anybody around so you quickly get into the vents. Clint had taught you how to get around in the vents whenever there was an emergency. And this is an emergency. You hate shots with every fiber in your body. Absolutely hate them. So you’re hiding out in the vents for as long as it takes for your ankle to heal.

Wanda was getting worried, your room isn’t far away and you have been gone for ten minutes.

“Hey Bruce, I’ll be back. I'm going to check where Y/N is.” Wanda says while she walks out. She makes her way up to your room. When she enters she finds Natasha sitting on the bed.

“Hey, where’s Y/N?” Natasha asks.

“Wait? Did she not come here?”

“No why would she come here?”

“She said that she wanted to get Bunny and the love blanket before her shot.”

“Ohhh! She’s probably hiding, you know she doesn’t like shots.” Natasha says holding Wanda’s hand.

“Great, now we have to look for her.” Wanda says with a groan.

“I have an idea where she is,” Natasha says.

“Clint told me he showed Y/N the vents in case of an emergency.”

“He what?!? Why would he do that, doesn’t he know that she’s a three year old little, she could get lost in there,” Wanda says with her head in her hands.

“Hey, baby it’s okay. We'll find her and set some rules for her, okay? Everything will be fine,” Natasha says hugging Wanda. Wanda and Natasha get up and go downstairs. You can hear them walking down.

“Y/N? Hey I know you’re scared but I need you to come out now,” Natasha says out loud not really knowing which vent you are in.

“Wait let me try,” Wanda says to Natasha.

“Baby girl? I need you to come out from wherever you are okay baby girl? Mama needs you to come out.” Wanda says.

“Mama!” You say happily, coming out and waddling twordas her. You make grabby hands at her and she smiles and picks you up. You rest your head on her shoulder.

“Mama, hurts,” You say.

“I know baby girl, you are gonna have to get a shot and it will make it all better” Wanda says.

“Nooo,” You whine and try to get out of Wanda’s arms.

“Yes baby girl, you have to get it,” Natasha says. Wanda and Natasha walk you all the way back to the medbay where Bruce is already waiting with the shot.

You start to cry as she sets you down and Bruce takes your ankle gently.

“You’re gonna feel a little pinch and then it will be over, okay Y/N?” Bruce asks. It really didn’t hurt that bad but you still balled your eyes out, the pain in your ankle instantly went away.

“Do you want Mama to carry you back to the room baby girl?” She asks. You shake your head no because you’re mad at both of them for making you get the shot. You rub your arm across your face angrily and get off the bed you were on. You walk with a pout and anger on your face back to your room. Wanda and Natasha follow behind you.

When you get back to your room Natasha had made your favorite and it is waiting on the table next to your bed for you. You get up on the bed and look straight ahead with your pout.

“Do you want something to eat baby?” Natasha asks. You make a noise of no.

“Are you sure baby girl, I made your favorite,” Natasha says, a little hurt that you don’t want the food she made special for you.

“No!” You say loudly.

“Do you want Bunny?” Wanda asks you.

“No!” You say again. Wanda and Natasha look at each other.

“Okay, well we have to go baby, we’ll be back in a bit okay?” Wanda says. You don’t look at them even as they get up and leave. When they shut the door you stare at it. You wait for them to come back, but they don't, so the door stays closed. You wait and wait, until all the anger goes away along with your pout. You look over at the food Natasha made you. Now all you want is Mama and Mommy. You get up from the bed and open the door.

“Mama, Mommy?” You say looking to the left.

“Yes baby girl?” Natasha says startling you. You jump a little but when you see them smile at you, you run into their arms.

“M’sorry,” You say while hugging them.

“It’s okay baby girl, do you want to eat now?” Natasha asks. You shake your head pulling them back into the room.

After you eat you snuggle up with Wanda and Natasha in bed, Bunny in your arms and the love blanket wrapped around all three of you.

“We love you baby girl.” Wanda says as she sees you start to drift off.

“Mmm love you too,” You say sleepily. They watch as you fall asleep in their arms, and slowly drift off with you.

#little reader #loving a little #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x natasha romanoff #wanda x natasha x reader #wanda maximoff x you #wanda x reader #wanda x natasha #wanda maximoff #natasha x you #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff #reader

[diaphragmjellyfish]

Eli “Hawk” Moskowitz NSFW Alphabet

Not my gif

A: Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Hawk is pretty quiet after sex. He likes to lay there with you draped over his chest and a smirk on his face while you both catch your breath. If it was a particularly rough night he will get a wet cloth and clean you off before getting snacks and turning on some rock music or an action movie. He’s almost always the big spoon when cuddling.

B: Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also yours)

His favorite body part of yours is your face. He thinks you look so innocent and pure like a literal ray of sunshine. A complimentary opposite to his look. He especially likes how sweet you look while doing certain *ahem* activities. His favorite body part of his are his abs. He worked hard for them and they give him confidence. He loves when you run your hands down them while y’all are making out.

C: Cum (anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Hawk likes to cum on your face or inside you. You guys are young and not at all ready for kids so you always wrap it up, which is why he usually cums on your face. He could honestly finish just thinking about how you look covered in him like that. When it’s a super passionate or romantic night he prefers to finish inside you with or without the condom. He just likes to look deep in your eyes.

D: Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory)

He’s always wanted to try anal. His tattoo buddy Rico told him it was awesome, and he’s wanted to do it ever since. He’s nervous to ask you though because he would never want you to be in pain. When you eventually tell him you want to give it a go, he’s beyond excited but also super gentle.

E: Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Hawk is somewhat experienced, but his confidence makes up for anything he might not be sure about. He was with Moon for a few months and learned all the basics, but it’s with you that he really starts to experiment. He’s also a super quick learner.

F: Favorite Position (This goes without saying)

The boy loves to try new things. You guys are making your way through the Kama-sutra. He still thinks you can never go wrong with the classics though- missionary and cowgirl. As long as he can touch you he’s a happy guy.

G: Goofy (are they more serious in the moment, or are they more humorous, etc.)

He almost always is wearing a smirk when y’all are going at it. He’s more serious than goofy at first just because he feels like he has something to prove but once you guys get comfortable and he knows he can be himself around you, he lets loose a little and will crack a joke or two during.

H: Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes)

God I wish I could say the carpet matched the drapes lmaooo imagine a little mini mohawk. But fr he’s probably trimmed. Nothing too fancy but he keeps it clean.

I: Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect)

He’s a romantic at heart, but only for you. He’d never tell anyone but on Valentine’s day he goes all out. Rose petals, candles, a massage. And he loves to buy you lingerie to wear for him.

J: Jack off )Masturbation hc)

He does it a lot when he’s by himself because he can’t believe he got such a sexy mf as his girl. He always thinks of you. If he’s ever too frustrated from training or a tournament he’ll rub one out by himself so he doesn’t take out his anger on you. He’d never want to hurt you. But if you’re there, he obviously prefers you over his hand.

K: Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Anal, Hair pulling, choking, he loves when you bite his shoulder when it feels good, or scratch his back so when he takes off his shirt at practice everyone knows he did a good job. He also loves to leave hickeys all over your neck and thighs. He’s a confident boi but he has an insecure past so he wants everyone to know you’re taken and taken well ;)

L: Location (Favorite places to do the do)

He’ll take you anywhere and everywhere. Bed, the dojo, the canyon, on his motorcycle in an alley somewhere, he literally does. Not. care. You guys even did it in his mom’s Sentra while it was in the middle of the car wash

M: Motivation (What turns them on, what gets them going)

Any time you bend over, or ask him to help you with something like opening a jar, he likes to feel needed and wanted. You could honestly look at this boy funny and he’d pop a hard one.

N: NO (Something they wouldn’t do)

Anything that causes you pain. He would never slap you or make you gag on him or anything like that. Also threesomes are out, whether that’s with another guy or another girl, he wants it to be just you and him always.

O: Oral (preference in giving or receiving)

The first time you went down on him he thought he was gonna explode. He couldn’t believe it was happening. But the first time he went down on you? He’d never heard such beautiful noises and he knew from then that he wanted to hear those little moans every day for the rest of his life. He’s got the basics down when you first get together, but after you show him what you really like and y’all start experimenting? God tier head.

P: Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual?)

Honestly depends on the day. When you guys first meet he just wants to impress you so he’s super fast and rough, but once you tell him that slow and steady wins the race, he starts to take his time. You still enjoy a good pounding every once in a while though

Q: Quickie (Their opinions on quickies)

He’s the king of quickies (not too quick tho if ya know what I mean). He’s a young guy, he’s horny all the time and doesn’t care if anyone sees. He’s doing what he wants when he wants as long as you’re ok with it.

R: Risk (Are they game to experiment)

YES. It’s his favorite thing. You both love to get freaky and try new things. He’d do anything you ask him to do, and do it well.

S: Stamina (How many rounds can they go for)

Ngl, when y’all first got together, this kid would bust in under 10 minutes. He’s a young guy, you were his second girlfriend ever, and he spent most of his childhood thinking he would never even talk to a girl like you. He bounced back fast though and could go for multiple rounds. And he’s built up stamina over time so no issues here.

T: Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them?)

He loves to use toys on you. In the beginning, you were having trouble reaching the summit *wink wink* no matter what he did. He was amazing, but for whatever reason you couldn’t quite finish. You told him it was fine but he said he couldn’t enjoy it if he knew you weren’t enjoying it. So one day he bought a tiny pink vibrator and held it between your legs while he fucked you and you LOST IT. Now he has several different toys that he uses on you all the time.

U: Unfair (How much they like to tease)

He’s not much of a tease. He likes to let you both have what you want. But he loves when you tease him. The anticipation of you hovering over him, not knowing when or if you would finally sink down, gets him that much more excited.

V: Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Kind of quiet, but lots of swearing and groaning. Literally the “ugh fuck” right in your ear as he sinks into you. He doesn’t like to be too loud (his old shy self is still there) and would rather hear you scream for him.

W: Wild Card (Random hc)

He is very much into foreplay. He likes to make sure you’re on the brink of orgasm before he even gets in you. Your only sexual experiences before you met him were guys just shoving themselves into you completely dry and when you told him that, he promised you he would never do that to you. He’s been a foreplay prodigy ever since. It’s his thing.

X: X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants)

Probably about 5 or 6 inches, average girth. Honestly size really is overrated. The G spot is only 3 inches in I’m tired of everyone acting like bigger is better. You Don’t Need Much if they’re using it right and he definitely does.

Y: Yearning (How high is their sex drive)

On a scale of 1 to 10, Hawk is an 11. He could fuck you all day every day for the rest of his life. Morning, noon, and night. Rich or poor, in sickness and in health (I got carried away lmao)

Z: ZZZ (How quickly they fall asleep after)

Hawk likes to cuddle, eat snacks, and watch a movie after. Maybe it’s because he always felt insecure sleeping around other people as Eli but he always lets you fall asleep first. He loves to feel like he’s watching over and protecting you while you sleep on his chest. Literally when you’re in such a vulnerable state around him he feels so honored and would die before he let anyone lay a finger on you.

#cobra kai #hawk x reader #eli moskowitz x reader #miguel x reader #robby keene #ck #karate kid #smut #hawk smut

[mayaflowerxs]

hi there! can you do nsfw a-z for hendery? thank you! <3

NSFW Alphabet w/ Hendery

Warning: Smutty!

A/N: Thank u for the request hope you enjoy!

Aftercare:

He’s alllll for aftercare. Even if he’s not there with you and are doing phone sex he still does it. He’s asking you if you’re okay, to go get cleaned up, get some rest, eat and take a few minutes to yourself. If he went too hard on you he tends to stay with you whether it’s on the bed cuddling or just flat out following you to make sure you’re not having a hard time walking or doing any other activities that’s requiring you to move. Your safety means the world to him so even when you tell him you’re fine he won’t stop budging. At one point I can see him brushing you off and sending you to the couch or bed while he cleans and fixes the place up.

Body Part:

Not really a body part but he loves your hair. He loves tugging your hair just as much as he loves his being tugged.

Cum:

In any hole really. Hendery is just a sucker to see you full of him. He doesn’t like it splattered on you because he’s convinced it’s being wasteful and he may or may not have a breeding kink 😶

Dirty secret:

He has an oral fixation. Like the dude is literally in love with eating you out and sometimes it can get too much for you when you two get intimate. He can’t help it he loves it so much but won’t show it because he thinks you might get annoy of him constantly attacking your pussy :( so when you two do get handsy he seriously does not hold back at all. If he gets to a point where he has you practically sobbing then so be it but he’s not going to back off until he’s for sure done with you (if that’s what you’re into)

Experience:

I see him as experienced. Had a partner here and there and definitely went past making out. But oh boy they just didn’t hit the way you do. Everything he always wanted to try out was with you which is why it’s all the more special. Because you’re so accepting that he grows more and more confident in pleasuring you.

Favorite position:

Definitely doggy and cowgirl. He needs to be in charge. Now when you’re in cowgirl he never once has you think you’re in charge. I see him as one who’s very dominant behind all that goofiness. He’ll have you leaned down on his chest, an arm around your neck and the other around your waist as he relentlessly pounded into your fucked out cunt. Not holding back until every last drop is deeply stuffed in.

Goofy:

Okay he’s definitely goofy in the beginning. He’ll crack a hole here and there and overall just make it all the more comfortable. But as soon as the first moan leaves one of your guys mouth he’s inner dom comes out and no more Hendery now you’re face with Kunhang.

Hair:

Honestly it’s one or the other. No I’m between he’s a pretty confident man so he won’t worry whether he still keep it nice and trimmed to bare. If he wants to leave it as is he will and same goes for you. He literally does not mind what you do with your girl down there as long as he’s stilling tapping it it’s literally all that matters to him smh.

Intimacy:

The only time there’s real intimacy is if you two have been away for a long time. Missing you so much just as has him wrapped around you the entire time. And when you two are climaxing he’s pressing kisses to your shoulder, temple, lips anywhere silencing telling you, you did a good job and he loves you so so much.

Jerk off:

Oh yeah. He does it quite often. The boy literally is a puppy who grew attachment issues. He tends to miss your touch and presence and eventually that longing turns into sexual frustration that he just can’t tame. Kinda surprised how he still hasn’t been caught cuz of how often he does it especially since he shares his room. He loves to jerk off with you, so phone sex is a must.

Kink:

The biggest breeding kinker. Bondage. Those are his go to but he’s up for anything. Nothing is ever a routine when it comes to him he always has to try something new, nothing to big of a new but just something to spice things up. So things like choking, he grew fond of that as well. He also tried using ice but it only irritated him because the ice wouldn’t stop sliding down so that was a big turn off for him which only resulted in him taking out his frustration on you, annoyed that it didn’t work out to well but hey you didn’t mind. You got fucked by a frustrated Hendery that’s a pretty win win for you.

Location:

Okay hear me out, Hendery is literally in denial when it comes to this. But the man can literally do it ANYWHERE. Just with the right amount of edging and or sexual tension is why gets him to snap. Usually when his mind isn’t going fuzzy and he’s not in a lustful state he won’t even think to the idea of taking you in a public restroom. Or fucking you in the car in a parking lot filled with other cars. But as soon as you begin to tease him or whisper him how much you need him he slowly starts turning into the dommy man you oh so love just like his regular self and before you know it you’re coming back home with a slight limp.

Motivation:

How lost you get. You will be minding your own business but won’t notice how every move you’re making is a bit more seductive to Hendery’s eyes. He snaps as soon as you flash him that ‘innocent’ smile at him and that’s when he has you pinned. He also loves how confident you get, when you’re in the mood you don’t hold back. Already on a mission to tag Hendery’s whereabouts and pounce on him. Seriously ends up falling more in love with you when he’s all of a sudden gets dragged away from his activities and pushed onto a surface to lay or sit on. Biting his lip as you begin to attack him in kisses. Yeah he’s a goner right then and there.

No:

Honestly Hendery says no to anything he considers not that fun or interesting. Like the ice, won’t ever do that again what a waste of time and ice.

Oral:

My god YES. He loves you sucking him but usually he gets impatient because he’s the one who wants to eat you out. Might get a bit selfish because you like oral too so he might take up your time just so that he gets to work on you. The boy literally loves eating pussy he can go for hours and not get tired. Though eventually it gets too much your hands are pushing at his head and legs desperately trying to shut, hot tears running down your cheek by how sensitive you’re getting. Close to seeing spots.

Pace:

He has a good pace. Not too fast or slow, doesn’t stop often nor does he pound into you continuously without break. He knows exactly what pace to go which is right in the middle of it all which is what gets you to cum hard. His pace reflects on his thrusts and stamina and when all three come together he gets his baby happily pleasured which is all that matters to him.

Quickies:

Into it definitely. Hendery is overall a sex addict. That’s the truth. And the thing is he does good when you’re not around, for some time. But once your in view, in arms length or just the mention of your name is an instant click in his brain to desperately fuck you to tomorrow. Always before practice, after concerts, before grocery shopping. Hell he might even drag you to the bathroom and fuck you while you two were in the middle of shopping. He’s all for it and he’s not ashamed of it.

Risk:

Doesn’t give a fuck. Quite frankly he wishes someone catches you two in the act. Just the mere thought already has him climaxing so hard. Just seeing the shocked face of someone catching him fucking you balls deep is probably a deep desire of his. Like I said earlier this man can fuck you anywhere and won’t care who can see.

Stamina:

This boy has such a high sex drive he’s learned how to keep a high stamina. Hell even after you two are finished he still might have some energy he still needs to let off but never acts upon it because he sees how tired and worn out you are he just no longer has the heart to keep you going. You already did so much for him his needs can wait.

Toys:

Yes! I see Hendery as secretly kinky so using toys is a must for him. He’ll mostly use them to edge you on, yes he might like using them but he will never have a toy make you cum. If anything only he can, not even a toy shall do that to you. I also see him as the type to have lots of phone sex with you and have you use them but as soon as you’re close to cumming he’ll demand you to get rid of em and use your fingers to finish you off.

Unfair:

It’s a 50/50 for him. Usually he likes to tease you but not for long. He’s not the biggest fan of not giving you what you want.

Volume:

I feel like he’s one who’s kinda shy to show you his sounds of pleasure when you first go out but the more he gets comfortable and the more you reassure him he gets more vocal. Now that doesn’t mean he’s the loudest mf, I feel like he is only ever loud when he hits the spot to the point where his fingers are practically leaving a bruise on you by how good it feels. But other than that he’ll most likely grunt and have heavy breathing. Sweat running down his forehead which is what gets you going and have you get him to grunt louder when you either ride him faster or squeeze around him.

Wildcard:

When he plays video games with the boys he tends to have you on his lap throughout the game. Cock warming is his absolute favorite. He treats it like a challenge. How long can he have you on his lap without fucking you and usually it lasts around four rounds until he’s saying goodbye and fucking you from behind. Letting all his sexual needs on to you who is currently shaking his desk top like crazy.

X-ray:

Feel like he’s a bit over average. I feel like he’s more long than girthier but doesn’t mean it’s skinny as hell. Don’t get it twisted the boy be packing no doubt.

Yearning:

The man craves for you literally all the time. The only time he doesn’t yearn for you is if scheduling is kicking his ass and he’s too sleep deprived to even eat properly. Even then he might make it up by having lazy sex with you as soon as he wakes up. You guys have sex pretty regularly, if anything it’s a lot than regularly. You must have some nice working birth control because man with all these rounds and you’re still not knocked up. Only making it a challenge for Hendery to succeed in. And let me tell you once he challenges himself he most definitely succeeds.

Zzz:

Hendery is either or. It’s either he’s so worn out of his energy he falls asleep or he still has some energy left and uses that to clean up and yourselves. Usually because of how much he puts you through you’ll be the one knocked out so he’ll probably distract himself by playing the drums or doing what Hendery usually does.

#nct scenarios #nct x reader #nct reactions #nct smut #nct imagines #hendery #wayv imagines #wayv smut #wayv hendery #hendery nct #nct hendery #wong kunhang

[celamoon]

Summary: Saiki isn’t supposed to have regrets, but he thinks that letting you wither away from him was his worst mistake.

Warnings: Hanahaki, Mild mention of Star Tears, angst

You first talked to Saiki in middle school. You had been classmates with him since kindergarten, moving almost always at the same time he did. You wondered if it was the universe telling you to befriend the boy.

Your only early memory of the boy was that he was the undefeated Rock Paper Scissors champion of kindergarten. He grew to be antisocial later on in middle school but you loved his hair clips so you asked him where he bought them. He had looked at you incredulously and had told you he had them custom-made. You wouldn’t stop pestering him about them afterward, especially since you caught him red-handed burning a sheet of paper.

“Is that…”

‘Don’t you dare tell ANYONE’

“Only if you finally tell me where you bought your hairclips”

Saiki looked 100% done with you and you had stuck with him ever since.

You noticed a handful of things about it Saiki after you started being friends with him. You noticed that his eyes light up whenever he was eating coffee jelly. You noticed how despite the fact that he claimed his friends were nuisances, he still hung around them. You noticed how his eyes were a certain shade of purple, and how he was much more caring than he claimed himself to be.

You had stuck around him despite knowing that he could read minds, and he had given you a germanium ring in your first year of high school, claiming that it was so that he wouldn’t hear your thoughts. You got a bit of privacy after that, and you started to wear the ring out of habit in your high school years.

The first issue came in your second year of high school. Saiki had managed to keep himself on the down-low so far, and you had stuck around with him as his self-proclaimed best friend. Nendo was his pal after all. He had caught the attention of Teruhashi, the school’s goddess. Saiki had told you that she was far from how she seemed, but you didn’t mind that much. She was pretty, and you didn’t mind at first.

Then came the petals. At first, you thought you ate something that had petals inside them, but it became clear when you wouldn’t stop throwing them up. You had caught Hanahaki, and you were in love with your best friend. You hid them well, and you never coughed despite how much Teruhashi was trying to catch Saiki’s attention at school.

The first time you weren’t able to hold it in was during PE. Teruhashi had made a move on Saiki, and he didn’t push her away. You had to excuse yourself to the bathroom so that you could let your lungs breathe properly. It was a bigger batch than usual, and you knew that didn’t mean anything good for you.

You went back to PE as if you hadn’t just thrown up an entire basket of flower petals.

The second time came when Teruhashi visited Saiki’s family for cooking lessons. It had become a tradition for you to visit Saiki every weekend. You had walked in, almost missing the familiar tuff of blue hair. You greeted the family, and you set the coffee jelly down on the table. Teruhashi had asked you if you were into anyone and you had managed to avoid her questions while doing Saiki’s suspicions at the same time. When they turned the tv on you felt your lungs collapse and you rushed to their bathroom to let the petals flow. They were stained with blood that time.

The third time came when you visited the shrine with the two Saiki brothers and Teruhashi. You stayed with Kuusuke after Kusuo and Teruhashi managed to dodge the influx of hate, and you had started to cough violently after Kusuo dragged Teruhashi away. Kuusuke caught you and you threw up a bud before him. His eyes widened and you had brushed it off as a magic trick you were preparing. Kuusuke didn’t believe you, but he let you off that time.

The fourth time came when Teruhashi asked Saiki out on a date for summer. You had been fine with the flowers so far, and the petals were still rather small other than that one bud from the shrine visit. But you felt your stomach lurch when you saw Teruhashi asking Saiki out on a date over summer. You ran to the bathroom, missing the look of concern on everyone’s face. You threw up premature flower blossoms that time. When you got back, you told them that you had a bad lunch.

Kuusuke called you the day of the date, and he had taken you out for a drive. When he passed the amusement park and brought you in, you felt your lungs tighten and you started coughing up half bloomed flowers. That confirmed Kuusuke’s suspicions. He brought you to his lab to run a few tests, and after the x-ray scan, he was completely sure that you had Hanahaki. He urged you to make a move on his brother.

“You can’t keep this to yourself forever,”

“I can,”

“No you can’t y/n, you’re going to need the surgery unless you confess,”

“Then how about this…”

You had made a bet with Kuusuke instead, if Kusuo found out about your petals first, then you would admit defeat and you would confess to Kusuo, if Kusuo made a move on Teruhashi first, then Kuusuke would fund your surgery so that you could get rid of those godforsaken feelings for the psychic. He agreed, sure that his brother wouldn’t be able to miss the fact that his own best friend was throwing up petals. You prayed secretly that Kuusuke would win the bet so that you could live out your fantasy.

You found that it was hard pretending to be ok, you hadn’t stopped coughing up flowers since summer, and that new transfer student who was rather close with Saiki wasn’t helping. Aiura was her name. She wasn’t as pretty as Teruhashi, but she was certainly different from the others. You had stopped talking as much as before, telling everyone that you had a rather bad cold since school started.

You had caught her clinging onto Kusuo like his lover one day after school. You were waiting for him to finish school so that you two could walk home together, but you had caught him with Aiura instead. The look on his face had you make a double-take before you confirmed it. You watched as she talked about their love life with the girl with pigtails, and you had listened as she talked about how active they were. You felt the flowers climb up your throat and had run away before anything else could happen.

The final straw came when Teruhashi was noticing the differences for everyone. She had spent the entire night memorizing everyone’s names accord to Kusuo, and you had listened to him narrate the whole situation. Kusuo talked about her quite a bit by now. You weren’t even surprised anymore when he brought her up. You parted ways with him to deal with your club’s paperwork at the office and the next sight was not one to be expected.

You had won the bet. You were heading outside of your clubroom when you had saw Saiki princess carry Teruhashi to the nurse’s office with your very own two eyes. You had won the bet even though you prayed that you wouldn’t. You had won the bet and that meant you needed to get the surgery. You prayed you wouldn’t win, yet it seemed that god liked Teruhashi more as usual. You ringed Kuusuke in the middle of the school day because of it.

“Hey, Kuusuke?”

“What’s wrong?”

“I won the bet…”

Kuusuke, as promised, sent the money for the surgery to your account. Now it was up to you whether or not you wanted the surgery. You knew you did, but a part of you desperately wished that Saiki would love you back so that you didn’t need to get the surgery. You were throwing up full-on flowers by now. No longer the buds you suffered from, no longer the premature flower blossoms you threw up once. You had little to no time unless you confessed to Saiki soon.

Then you remembered that he had let out an ‘offu’ at Teruhashi. You had heard it while you were nodding at him in class. It was loud, in fact, Teruhashi heard it but she thought she was hallucinating. You remember the sound of your own heart breaking when you heard it, you felt like the world had crashed down on you. It had happened a while back, but now you were completely sure about it. Saiki was in love with Teruhashi, and you couldn’t do anything about it.

The surgery was half a success, half a failure. Your feelings had gone away for Kusuo as promised, but you lost your voice because of it. You weren’t able to speak anymore; you couldn’t talk like you used to. You went to school with tears in your eyes because of it. The first person to notice was Kuboyasu, who greeted you but when you didn’t greet him back, he asked if your throat hurt. You burst into tears because of it.

The group gathered around you at the sight of you in tears. You never showed strong emotion around them, you only helped them with their issues and bottled your own up. You let out small hiccups and Nendou was surprisingly the first one to point out how you didn’t have a voice. You typed on your phone in tears, and you held it up for everyone to see.

‘I lost my voice permanently’

The group was in shambles afterward. Kaidou was asking how, Kuboyasu offered to beat up the person who caused it, Yumehara pulled you in for a hug. The group wanted to know, and you still wore your ring so Saiki wasn’t able to read your mind. You typed that you had gotten surgery for your throat since you caught a sickness and the surgery was a success at the cost of your voice box. You didn't give them any more information after that.

Toritsuka offered to summon a spirit to hopefully help you be able to speak again but you turned him down. Aiura tried finding out with her glass ball but it didn’t work either. Kaidou pushed you for further details. You didn’t tell anyone that the surgery was for Hanahaki. Nendou offered you ramen, in hopes that it would cheer you up, you shook your head no. Not that day at least.

Saiki was in shambles at the news, how had you even lost your voice to begin with? You hadn’t done anything and unless you got surgery within the span of a weekend, you weren’t able to have lost your voice. He reaches for your hand and tries to take the ring off. You ripped your hand away with a sad smile, signing him it’s ok, that it wasn’t that important anyway. Saiki was still bothered by it.

Akechi was surprisingly the person Saiki resided in for help. He was always able to figure things out even without it being written fully for him. Akechi didn’t even bat an eye when Saiki approached him. He had actually expected it. Saiki stood there in shock as Akechi explained about your sickness.

“She got surgery for Hanahaki obviously. She didn’t have a terminal disease or else she would’ve been hospitalized for longer than that. The fact that she had Hanahaki affect her throat as well only means that she was severely affected by the flowers. I think I saw her throw up coffee flower petals once. She was throwing up behind the school while we were picking sweet potatoes with the class. She made me swear to not tell anyone but since she got the surgery I assume that she’s ok with people knowing now,” Akechi rambled, and Saiki lost himself at coffee flower petals. She had been in love with him, how dumb could be he? He was a psychic for goodness sake!

You started carrying around a tablet to communicate with people better. You always wrote down comments about certain things, and you always laughed along with everyone. It was like nothing had ever happened. You acted like nothing had ever happened and Saiki hated that.

Saiki was bothered and you figured out quicker than he liked to admit. You knew him way too well. You had walked up to him after school one day asking if he was ok. He promised you he was, but you didn’t believe him. So you dragged him up to the room and forced him to talk to you about what was bothering him. He asked you the only question on his mind.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

You had paused. He had spoken to you with his actual voice and you frowned.

‘Tell you about what?’

Saiki looked exasperated.

“About the flowers, the Hanahaki, the surgery. Why didn’t you tell me?”

You blinked at him, shrugging before writing down your response.

‘It didn’t seem important’

You figured that Akechi had told him. Saiki groaned.

“I think my best friend throwing up flower petals is very important thank you very much”

‘It’s not like It matters anymore. The feelings and flowers are gone'

“But your voice-“

The loud noise of a digital pen was heard on the rooftop. The silence was suffocating.

‘But this, but that, it’s all over anyway it’s not like it’s important anymore’

Saiki chooses his next words carefully.

“Were you in love with me?”

You pause and nod your head enthusiastically. Saiki feels his own heart break.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

‘You liked Teruhashi. All the signs pointed to it and I got Kuusuke to pay for my surgery’

Saiki’s shoulders droop. It felt like he was holding the weight of the world on his shoulders. He reaches for you, and you take a step back. He wants you to know he loved you too, he wants to show you how much he liked you, how much he was actually in love with you.

He finds it’s too late however when you shrink away from the touch you used to cherish and love. You excuse yourself from the rooftop to meet up with Nendou and the others for your daily after-school ramen. Saiki watches your figure escape his sight. The feeling tastes bitter to him. It tasted like that cup of dark coffee he had once watched you down after pulling an all-nighter.

Saiki isn’t supposed to have regrets, but he thinks that letting you wither away from him was his worst mistake. He swears he hears the twinkling of stars when he starts crying. Perhaps this was the universe’s way of paying him back.

#saiki x reader #saiki k x reader #saiki k #saiki kusuo #kusuo saiki #kusuo x reader #saiki kusuo no psi nan #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k. #angst #hanahaki #mention of star tears #I did it I wrote the fic guys

[userjoel]

[ ♡ morning kisses ♡ ] ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

[ prompt ]

‘‘i’m not going to kiss you.’‘ ‘‘why?’‘ ‘‘because if i do, i don’t think we’re getting out of bed today.’‘ followed by the character placing a playful kiss on their lover’s mouth as they get out of bed (via)

[ pairing ] : tom holland x reader

[ warnings ] : a lot of kissing, they kinda sorta get a little handsy? it’s just very fluffy and i’m still trying to figure out what exactly warrants warnings so some kind feedback would be very appreciated...!

[ word count ] : 1.5k

[ note ] : this is my first ever fic, and it’s been a minute since i wrote...anything really? so i have no idea how this is going to read for others, but!! i had fun writing this, so i hope you guys enjoy!

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You wished every morning could be just like this: eyes coaxed open by the warm rays pouring through the windows, your frame safely tucked against Tom’s body with his arm draped over your waist.

Once you manage to blink away the sleep, you roll over to face him, being careful not to wake him in the process.

And he looks perfect. You lie there and run your eyes over him—it feels a little surreal to take him in this way. Just several hours ago he was on a plane coming back home to you after an excruciating month of being apart. But now, here he was — physically, actually here — lost somewhere deep in his dreams. By a rare stroke of luck you’ve woken up before him. So naturally, you're gonna use those valuable seconds by trying to memorize every little detail of his face.

Nothing has felt more relaxing. A little too relaxing, in fact, but you fight the sleep that threatens to creep back, fixating instead on the way the sunlight licks at the tips of his unruly brown curls, slowly inching down his features. And if the sun were allowed to touch him, weren’t you, too?

You hold your breath as your index finger reaches out and delicately traces along his brow bone.

When it seems clear the action hasn’t stirred him from his sleep, you continue to ghost across the surface of his skin, taking your time as your finger trails down his cheek bone, to the bridge of his nose, and to his lips. Then it lingers there for a second too long.

“I think I quite like this sort of wake up call.” 

Your whip your hand away like it had just touched something hot, eyes blown wide in surprise.

“You’re awake.” The sentence comes out more as an observation than a question, and you can feel your cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

“I... may or may not have been up since I felt you turn over earlier.” His eyes, still sanded with sleep and exhaustion, finally open to meet yours. But his ever-present, boyish amusement doesn’t fail to glitter from behind the chocolate orbs.

And it had always been these minor things that made your heart glow with warmth for the boy in front of you. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to wake you,” you mumble, a pout forming at the end of the sentence as you caress his cheek.

Tom hums in reply, leaning into your touch as he shakes his head, as though to tell you not to worry. His arms reach around you to pull you closer to him. “No, I’m glad you did. I reckon I should probably get ready anyway. What time is it?”

“No. Nuh-uh. C’mon, I just got you back!” Your hand comes up to cover his eyes, shielding his vision from the clock by your bed. “Unless by ‘get ready,’ you mean ‘get ready to spend all day with your loving girlfriend and not go to work’?”

“Y/N/N,” he groans playfully, shaking his head side to side to try and remove your hand, but you persist, a grin decorating your features. “The sooner I get out of here, the sooner I can wrap up and come back home to you love, hm?” He turns his head slightly, just enough to give the inside of your wrist a quick peck. “Give me my eyes baaaaack.”

Reluctantly you concede, but by parting your fingers just enough so he could peek between the gap. The corners of his eyes crinkle when he finally sees you, and before you can say anything else, he closes the distance to give you the first kiss of the day.

It’s deliciously soft and lazy, purposeful and loving. The feeling sends a kind of shock through your veins, reaching down to the tip of your toes. His lips move against yours with ease in the same way they’ve done a thousand times before, effectively bringing all your guards down — your hand comes down too, slipping behind his neck to toy with the hair on his nape. Your leg innocently tangles with his, bringing your bodies even closer together, and you feel his hand delicately moving from the your lower back to your ass, giving it a small squeeze.

You hum against his lips for more; but that’s the exact moment he decides to pull away. And as much as you hated it, you knew as well as he did that one second longer and that would probably mean neither of you'd likely have a very productive morning. Not that that would be so bad for you, necessarily.

Tom rolls you over on your back, peppering your cheeks, neck, and collarbone with feathery kisses that you knew translated into an apology. He nestles his head on your chest with a quiet sigh, consumed by the silence and the rhythmical thump of your heartbeat.

“Wish I didn’t have to go to bloody work.” He mumbles against your skin, cuddling even closer against you as your fingers gently comb through his hair. "Wish I didn't have to leave you again."

But you both knew it went without saying that Tom loved what he did; how he couldn’t imagine being anything else but an actor. The physical and mental demand of his work, the exhausting, erratic hours, the different types of people he had to deal with on a daily basis — he could handle all of that, and then some. But when it came down to being away from you not just in the early hours of the morning but for weeks, and sometimes even months at a time… That was the hard part. Those were the moments when he dared to invite the addictive ‘what-if’s and tempting fantasies of an alternative reality where neither of you had any obligations to tend to, no urgent work messages to check on the phone.

“Duty calls, right?” You can still feel your lips tingle from his kiss. “At least you don’t have anything on your schedule tomorrow. Means I’ll get to have you all to myself.”

At that, you suddenly feel the weight of your boyfriend removed from your body. Tom props himself up a bit to lean over you, hands on the bed by either side of your head. There’s a mischievous glimmer in his eyes, suggesting something both sinister and delightful.

“For once you’re wrong, darling.” He grins. “I’ve got a full schedule tomorrow and a fairly good feeling that you're going to love what I’ve got planned out for you.” 

You raise your brow. “'That right? Thirty-something days apart and suddenly you’re so cocky.” With a teasing smile, you drape your arms around his neck, gaze lingering on his inviting lips for a moment before lifting back up on his eyes. 

“But fine," you begin, your voice just slightly hushed. "What if...you show me a little, tiny sneak peek, baby...and I can tell you...what I think of your little schedule so far?” With each passing syllable you pull him down closer to you –– bit by bit, and sneakily enough, you tell yourself. Your eyes flutter shut, anticipating what’s to come, but the kiss never lands. You feel the teasing tickle of skin on skin instead.

“Y’think I don’t know all about your antics, don’t you?”

“‘Antics’?!” Your open your eyes again with a frown. “I think some would call that the art of flirting. Or teasing. Or both. But I guess you wouldn’t know that even if it were right under your nose.” Your finger pokes the tip of Tom’s nose for emphasis.

He tuts and shrugs in acknowledgement. “Well tough luck, babe. I’m still not gonna kiss you.” A smile tugs at the corner of his lips, one hand leaving your side to tuck a stray strand of your hair behind your ear.

“Why not?” You huff.

“Because if I do, I don’t think either of us are ever going to make it out of this bed.”

“But—” Before you can fully protest, you’re caught off-guard with the very kiss you were denied just moments ago. And maybe that was why, but somehow, it feels even better than the last. Your chin cranes up to hold his lips for as long as you possibly can, melting under his touch and savoring what you could.

He reluctantly tears away, much sooner than you’d like. He leaves you with a final peck against the tip of your nose.

“I love you. So much.” He rests his forehead against yours again. “And I’m sorry we can’t spend my first day back together, darling. But I’ll make it up to you, hm? I promise.” 

“Pinky swear?” You hold up your finger between your two frames, and he doesn't think twice before looking down to loop his finger with yours. The pads of your thumbs press together to seal the deal, and he brings your interlocked hands up to gently press it against his lips.

It was a gesture frequently shared between you two — a secret handshake, if you will — but only for private moments like this. 

“Pinky pinky swear.” He reassures, giving your hand a small squeeze before finally removing himself from the bed. “I’m gonna go shower now. Be good.” The mattress echos your groan as your boyfriend disappears from your reach and into the bathroom.

Your eyes glance over at the clock, frowning at the time and blaming it for the outcome of what had been, at one point, your perfect morning. It already felt like a distant memory.

#can you tell i didn't know how to end this #skdfsafj #writing really is like bearing your soul to the world #and like that's fine it's cool it's whatever #if it's bad...pls don't yell @ me #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland one shot #tom holland fluff #tom holland fic #hope writes

[blessednereid]

August

WC: <4100

Mentions: Sexual innuendos, cursing, slut-shaming, Affairs/Adultery, Lying, Deceit

A/N: It’s an AU, basically where James and Lily don’t end up together, and the War ends before they graduate. Snape and Peter don’t become death eaters IG but that doesn’t really matter later on. Unedited, but it’s the last day of August so I gotta get it in NOW.

Pairings: James Potter x Reader, James Potter x Lily Evans, (future) Lily Evans x Reader

~~~

Y/N

*

Salt air

*

You and your boyfriend of two months are sitting on the shoreline of the shared beach near your houses. You’ve lived in the same neighbourhood for as long as you can remember, but never really noticed each other until your formative years. And the chemistry was undeniable, which is what led you to that precise moment.

“Hey, James… What do you think is going to happen when we go away for school?” you ask meekly.

Being a Beauxbaton student is as luxurious as it sounds. You never have to put up with brutish and grotesque boys in pissing contests, and while there may be catty classmates, there’s no fighting over boys. No heartbreak. No major drama.

That being said, that didn’t mean that none of you had boyfriends. You all had your fair share of suitors from Durmstrang or Hogwarts or some other school in the country. And yours was James Potter.

He is the epitome of a perfect boyfriend. He remembers small dates, like the exact day your cat died, and knows exactly what you need.

You don’t think you’ve loved anyone as much as you’ve loved him.

And that’s precisely why you’re so afraid to lose him.

You knew that the long distance between you would be difficult. What started as a summer fling quickly became something more, and James changed from a friend who could make you laugh your guts out to the boy that makes your heart sing.

He has his arms wrapped around you like a comforting blanket, and you know exactly what he’s thinking. The distance isn’t going to change my love for you.

But he doesn’t realize that it’ll change the amount he can express. And that’s going to be frustrating. You’ve only been together for a little while. So how would this even work?

“We just have to trust each other, darling. I love you, and you love me. That’s all that matters.”

“But James-”

“No buts,” he states stoically. “Nothing is going to change this. You just need to trust me, trust that this is going to work.”

James

*

And the rust on your door

*

He had told you exactly what he meant. That he loved you, and that you could trust him. He knew that he loved you, and that love had taken root in the deepest part of his heart. So when he opened the door to Sirius, Remus, and Peter’s room, since he would not be staying here this year, he not only felt excitement for the new year but sheer happiness at the fact that he had found someone who loved him as unconditionally as he loved her. He did feel some remorse that he wouldn’t be staying with his gaggle of mates though.

“Mate, what’s that grin on your face for? Haven’t gotten in any trouble without us, have you?”

Apparently, James’ inner monologue reflected on his face because all his friends were made aware of the grin on his face.

“No, I just…”

He’d managed to keep the relationship a secret from Sirius that summer because you didn’t want the already confusing relationship to be found out by the Wizarding World. For reporters to make it more convoluted and twisted than it actually was.

“I’m just glad to be back,” he says, deciding he needs to discuss with you if he could tell his friends about your relationship just yet.

*

I never needed anything more

*

When he saw Lily in classes the next day, a pang swam through his chest. He didn’t see her yesterday on the train. He wasn’t focusing on that. But now he was. He noticed that her red hair had been cut short to her shoulders and that she appeared much more confident. Her school blouse had the first two buttons popped, showing just the slightest bit of rosy cleavage.

No.

He had promised you that you could trust him, and you could. He knew you could. He was going to be the man that you deserved. Lily was in the past. Lily was a speed bump on his path to finding true love with you.

But why did the way he felt about Lily now feel as strongly as it did before?

And it didn’t help any when she waltzed up to his desk and straightened her arms right in front of his face, pushing out her chest, and making his lust and sexual drive soar. He was sure it was evident. That he’d broken out in a sweat, but he attempted to play it off as cool as an Autumn day.

“Hello James,” she greeted. “How was your summer?”

He gulped. In front of his eyes was a woman, the woman that he had wanted so desperately. He didn’t know her intentions, but he knew his thoughts. And if you could see his thoughts, could hear them… he knew you wouldn’t be pleased. He knew you’d realize that you’d been right in not trusting him. “Summer was fine, Lily-flower. And you? Hang around with Snivelly, any?”

“No, we haven’t talked since the end of last year. But I’m thinking that this is more room for opportunity, to make new friends, see the light, you know?” she grinned and it lit up his heart.

“So, I was talking to Remus, and he told me that I should give you a chance to be one of those new friends,” but the way she said friends implied something more. “And at first, I objected, and then I realized, I never really gave you much light in my eyes. Do you think you could change that, Jamesie?”

And fuck, if that didn’t make his heart race a little.

Lily

*

Whispers of "Are you sure?"

*

Lily and James were kissing passionately and furiously as they stumbled into her bedroom. Since becoming head girl, she had gotten her own dorm room. James had also gotten one, but Lily didn’t want to see how messy that room was.

She moved her hands from in between their two bodies and picked up her wand to cast several different nonverbal charms.

When she was done, she pushed James down onto the bed and began tearing off her clothes. And then his. When she was done and they were lying beside each other he muttered a final “are you sure?” to her, and she nodded. He kissed her with ferocious passion until the kiss became something more.

This happened again, again, again.

*

"Never have I ever before"

*

When James left Lily’s room for the fourth time that month, she pressed two fingers to her lips in reaction to his goodbye kiss.

“I’ve never felt this way about James. About anyone,” she thought.

He made her feel alive, he made her grin, he made her giggle, and he made her heart flutter when he was around her. Of course, she knew this when she approached him. She just didn’t think it would escalate to this level so soon.

She wants to shout to the world the way she feels about him, the way he makes her feel. How he can take her breath away and make her feel like the most important and most special girl on the planet.

Like she was made just and entirely for him, and that the same applied for him to her.

She couldn’t stop her wild dreams, the ones of vivid love and passion, the ones where he would kiss her, take her hand, and profess his love in grand displays. Where he’d fight for her and never leave her.

Fantasy and delusion never left her mind when it came to him.

*

Your back beneath the sun

*

He and she both lie underneath the sun, soaking up its rays, sharing its warmth, staring at the clouds trying to make out certain shapes.

It was a sunny December day, which was rare, so they were getting as much out of it as they could.

“James, we should study,” she lightly approached the devastating topic. “It’s not like I really want to, but what kind of example are we setting as head boy and girl?”

“Well, If we go back up to our dorms, nobody will know if we’re studying or doing something else,” he said with a wriggle of eyebrows.

“No, James!” she laughs, and he joins her. His pearly teeth both ensnaring her mind and rendering her unable to focus on anything but him.

“When’s the next Hogsmeade trip?” he asked casually while he laid back down with his head facing the sky.

“Most likely before the holidays.”

She saw his face contort when she mentioned the Christmas break.

“James, what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing, I’m just thinking about… the war.” His face was pale, and his face sour.

“I’m thinking of joining the order after I graduate, but it’s still scary, you know. I’m worried about my mum and dad.”

“Your parents are going to be fine, James,” she assured him, but she knew he would be fully relieved until the war was over and all death eaters were locked up.

*

Wishin' I could write my name on it

*

She was sitting with Remus in the library when he brought up James. Let the record show that he brought up James, not her.

“So, how is everything going with James?”

She sighed lightly. “It’s magic, Remus. Pun intended.”

He chuckled. “I’m glad you feel that way, Lily. Really, he’s a good guy once you get past that facade he puts on. I knew you’d like him.”

“Yes,” she says faintly. Doubts flood her head about his own feelings.

“What’s wrong, Lily?”

Her eyes turn down to her paper before reaching up again to meet his. “It’s silly, but… sometimes I wonder if he truly feels the same. I mean, most people don’t harbour feelings for one person for this long. What if all along it was just lust, and he’ll cast me away now that he’s satisfied that urge.”

“Lily, I promise you, James has had eyes for no one but you for many years. I highly doubt that it was lust, James isn’t like that.”

“You know,” she smiled. “You’re right. I just wish this didn’t have to be kept so hush-hush. The amount of girls I see fawning over him is grotesque.”

“So then ask him,” he pushed.

She took that as a challenge. “Alright. I will!”

*

The next time Lily saw James, they immediately rolled into bed and did what lovers do. But after that is when she posed the question.

“James, would we- will we ever be able to make this public?” she asked in a stern voice.

She saw thoughts swimming in his head for a moment.

“Lily,” he rolled onto his side. “We- I… This needs to be a secret for now. I mean, we are waist-deep into this war, and with my plans to go into the order, I can’t risk anyone coming after you.”

His logic made sense to her, and the wizarding world would get too caught up with the son of a prestigious wizard family being with a muggle-born in the middle of all of this.

He was right, she just had to swallow her jealousy for now.

*

Will you call when you’re back at school

*

The next week, there was a Hogsmeade trip, and despite them staying near the Marauders, really, it was a date for James and Lily. Or at least that’s what it felt like. An unofficial date.

They bought each other gifts to open over the holidays, kissed discreetly under mistletoes, and held hands while walking through the village.

When they went to get butterbeer for the rest of the group, there was a long but comfortable silence for a while.

“So what are you doing for the holidays?”

“Just going back home, maybe making some treats with my mum,” he said casually. “What about you?”

“Same as you, I guess. I’ll miss you, though.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

She tapped her foot absentmindedly as they waited. “What if I came with you?”

“What?” Panic flooded his face. “No, you couldn’t come with me, I’m afraid. My house is an Order safe place. If a death eater found it, you could be in danger.”

“You’re in danger just being there.”

“And you’re in danger by just breathing, Lily! That would be a double danger. I’m not risking that.”

She cringed at her sudden need to be close to him. “Right, sorry. It was a silly idea. A mindless thought.”

His face softened when he saw her embarrassment. “I’d love to bring you home, Lily, but it’s not safe.” But by now she could tell that he was lying, there was something more.

*

I remember thinkin' I had you

*

On the train back from London going to Hogwarts, Lily sat with Marlene and Dorcas, she hadn't seen them quite as much as she would’ve wanted since the school year started, and now was the perfect opportunity.

Lily felt remorse and guilt for not telling her friends about such a crucial part of her life, her relationship with James Potter, and truly she wanted to, but what if they judged her? And Marlene has had a reputation for having a loudmouth. What if she said something and word got out?

They conversed in idle gossip before an interesting topic was brought up. One that left Lily infuriated, and ready to murder a smug bastard.

“Have you heard about Potter and that Beauxbaton girl?”

Her eyes raised in curiosity and scorn. “What Beauxbaton girl?”

Dorcas revealed as much as she knew about you to Lily, your name, family, status in the Wizarding World. By the time she was done, Lily was struck with disbelief.

“And you’re sure they were kissing?” she said in response to Marlene’s information about the article in the Daily Prophet with a picture of them kissing.

“Yes!” she exclaimed.

“I have the article right here,” Dorcas mentioned.

“Way to bury the lead.”

“Oh shush,” she said and handed Lily the newspaper out of her bag.

She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. The man she had been with for the past four months was kissing another woman. With Tongue.

“Well, that’s fantastic for him,” she said sourly. “He must feel so proud to have gotten a pretty girlfriend after pining after me for so long. I wonder how long it’ll be before he tries pining after me again,”

“Who knows, maybe it is serious,” Dorcas proposed.

Lily growled. “I don’t think it’s that serious if he’s sleeping with another woman.”

Marlene’s eyes widened. “You don’t mean-”

“Excuse me, I’ll be right back,” she said before exiting the cabin of the train and heading to find James Potter.

“So,” she said when she reached his compartment. “How long have you been seeing her?”

James looked shocked to see her. “Lily, I can explain.”

“Can you? Please explain then. Is this why I couldn’t come with you? Why you had to keep us a secret James? For Godric’s sake, how long have you been seeing her?”

He gulped. “Since the summer.” Even Sirius looked shocked.

“I lived in your house, and you didn’t tell me, mate?”

“Not the time,” Peter chastised.

“Are you serious James? You spouted all of that you love me bullshit when you were with someone else?” Her eyes radiated anger. It was like staring into the mouth of an actively-fire-breathing dragon. “Does she know about me?”

“No, she doesn’t,” he admitted.

Lily said one more sentence before stalking away. “Well, you better tell her, or I will.”

*

But I can see us lost in the memory

*

Lily had no intention of telling you anything. She didn’t even know you. How would she send an owl to a total stranger and tell them that their boyfriend has been cheating on them with herself?

Lily never set out to be a homewrecker. But she didn’t even know she was wrecking a home, to begin with.

This was James’ fault, and he was going to own up to it.

Besides, It deserved to come from him. Lily knew how she felt about being told that she was the other woman from some outside source, and she didn’t want to do that to anyone at all.

But not even the sting of betrayal could mask the ever-flowing sadness that emanated from Lily. She truly believed he was in love. And maybe he was. Just not with her. And that was okay, but she didn’t deserve what she was put through.

Still, that doesn’t stop the fact that she, herself, was in love with him, and how is she supposed to ever get over that betrayal.

*

August slipped away into a moment in time- 'Cause it was never mine

*

Within the next few months, Lily had fallen into a rut. Her grades began slipping, her mood and cheeriness faltered. Even though the Wizarding World War had recently been won, with death-eaters being locked away, that didn’t change her mood, because she wasn’t in the mood to celebrate, to begin with. Her friends noticed her down-in-the-dumps aura, and despite knowing the cause, and how it wasn’t their fault, they couldn’t help but want to help her, to fix her.

But no one could repair the damage that James Potter caused to Lily but Lily herself. And that started with making amends.

“I have to send a follow-up letter to that girl. So I’ll ask you. Have you told her yet?” She cornered James in the library because, despite Head Boy and Head Girl duties, they didn’t see each other much. After all, he was avoiding her as much as she was avoiding him.

He gulped, “I haven’t. Lily, I can’t tell her. It would kill her, she was so worried about the distance and when she saw me at Christmas break, she was so happy. I don’t want to ruin that.”

“You should’ve thought about that before you started an affair with me, James. An affair I didn’t agree to. I didn’t want to be anybody's mistress. And she deserves to know, and I am going to send her a letter. Today! So if you don’t tell her, she will find out from me. I’ve given you months.”

“Lily, don’t do this. Please. I can’t tell her over an owl. It has to be in person.”

She faltered. He was right. His heart may have been in the wrong place, but his head is in the right one. Doing that, telling you over an owl could have devastating consequences. It was a discussion that had to be had in person.

“Easter Break. That is your chance, James Potter. After that, If you don’t I will.”

She turned on her heel and was about to leave the library when he grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

“Lily, you have to understand, I never meant to hurt you,” he said. “I have fancied you for so long, and when you finally reciprocated this year, I didn’t want to pass up that chance. I was wrong. You are so amazing, and I shouldn’t have done what I did, but please believe this. You deserve so much, and I couldn’t and could never give that to you, but when I did this, I never meant to hurt anyone. I didn’t think it would go this far.”

She scoffed. “Well, it did, James. You hurt me. You betrayed me, and you betrayed her. Neither of us deserved that, no matter what.”

*

And I can see us twisted in bedsheets

*

Guilt twisted in her stomach every time she thought of you. Jealousy was surely a stage at first, everything about you had her enchanted, your hair, your eyes, your glowing skin. She was enthralled, and she could see why James was too.

And then she remembered his nights in her dorm, on her bed. Tossing and turning with her, his lips on her mouth, and she didn’t feel envy. She felt regret and culpability. If she had pressed James harder about whether his feelings really were the same as before, if he’d really wanted to do this, maybe he wouldn’t have done it.

And then she wouldn’t be in this position, and you wouldn’t be about to come crash-landing on impact with this heavy, and taboo truth.

But this wasn’t about her, Lily realized. This was about you. And how you were going to feel once James told you what happened when the train meets the station, and that is all Lily can think of as she sits on her bed, staring out of her window. When her owl knocks on the window to deliver her mail, the headline of the Daily Prophet is what catches her eye. “The Prodigal son in an affair with a Muggleborn witch!” It goes on and on about how a secret inside source heard an argument between the two of them in the Hogwarts library.

There is no doubt that you have seen this, and James didn’t get to tell you. Lily didn’t get to apologize to you. This just got a whole lot worse, and Lily didn’t know how she was going to deal with the sudden turn of events.

James is the villain here, she reminded herself. James is in the wrong, but she knew that she was still an unwitting accomplice. And her gut wrenched as she pondered on that very true fact.

*

August slipped away like a bottle of wine

*

Lily had to get away from the wizarding world, so although she didn’t plan on going home for the Easter holiday, she had to now.

She was being shamed for her insidious relationship with James, by certain people, mostly Snape and his friends, that bastard. Most everyone was supportive, they realized she had no idea about your relationship, but she was still worried about what you’d say to James, but more about what’d you’d say about her.

Had James told you that she didn’t know? That he lied to both of you. Would you be mad at her either way?

Shame pulsed through her body, and she couldn’t imagine what her mother would say when she told her if she ever did.

Though when she got home, her mother instantly noticed that something was wrong.

Knowing she couldn’t take her mothers knowing stares and hard gaze, she instantly confessed to everything that happened over the semester. Her mother didn’t judge her for having premarital sex as Lily thought she would, but rather comforted her daughter and reassured her. “If James is a half-decent person, he will tell her that you did nothing wrong, and she won’t be mad at you, Lily dear.”

Her mother's reassurance helped, but her rose bush of worry wouldn’t be clear of its thorns until she spoke with you.

*

'Cause you were never mine

*

When the break was over, and Lily was about to board the train station to the red engine that is the Hogwarts Express, someone was waiting for her at the door to the train.

“My train doesn’t arrive until later,” you say plainly. “I wanted to get here earlier though, to speak with you.”

Lily feels like she’s breaking out in hives under your eyes, and it’s not a good feeling.

“James told me about how you didn’t know about me, how you wanted him to tell me sooner, didn’t want me to find out from tabloids like you did.” You smiled at her.

“It really hurt me when I found out. I didn’t want you to feel that way, but you still deserved to know. I’m just sorry you found out like that anyway.”

“James already boarded the train, but I wanted to let you know we’re no longer together if you still wanted to be with him,” you said meekly.

Lily’s eyes grew to the size of saucers. “Godric, no! He’s a git.”

You laughed.

“I know we may not be able to be friends, but maybe it’ll be better if we work through all of this together, all three of us,” Lily proposed.

“Yes, individually, dually, all together, doesn’t matter, it needs to be resolved.”

Lily sighed a breath of relief. “Somehow, I feel lighter.”

“Me too.”

As Lily was about to board the train, you called out to her. “Lily!”

She whipped her head to face you. “We can be friends if you’d like, you know.”

That made Lily smile, and honestly, it made her heart bloom with a vague, but familiar feeling.

#James Potter x reader #James Potter x Lily evans #James Potter imagines #James Potter angst #Lily Evans angst #Mauraders angst #Lily evans fluff #Lily Evans x reader

[2-cute-4-school]

𝓠𝓾𝓲𝓭𝓭𝓲𝓽𝓬𝓱 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓬𝓸𝓵𝓪𝓽𝓮

Group : NCT

Pairing : Griffyndor! Mark Lee x gn! Reader 

Genre : hp au, rivals to lovers, light angst to absolute fluff

Word count : 4.4K words   |    M.list

Warnings : injury, swearing

Summary :  ‘He had nightmares of you slipping right past his fingers and him failing to catch you. He relives that moment.’

a/n: thank you for 1000 followers you absolute cuties!! sending lots of smooches and snuggles your way!!

“Aren’t you going to ask how the coolest champion is feeling about tomorrow’s match?”

You watched Donghyuck, your fellow housemate and best friend since you first stepped onto the Hogwarts train, expectantly. He spared you a quick glance as he plopped down beside you on the couch in your shared common room, too busy to munch on his chocolate frog to give you any further attention. 

“I’ve already asked Mark.”

You would like to be able to say you were surprised at his answer, but his teasing character has become an usual by now

It still baffled you how you managed to even tolerate each other, much less get to share a bond as deep as the one you developed along the years. You two had next to nothing in common other than your cunning wit. While Donghyuck delved deep into his love for astronomy, which you despised with a burning fervor, you dedicated your time to Quidditch entirely. 

You loved the sport dearly, it offered you that adrenaline rush you were born to chase, that quickened heartbeat as you rushed to catch the Golden Snitch. You spent every spare moment you could find in your hectic schedule on the pitch with the wind threading through strands of your hair and your hands clenched so tightly onto your broomstick your knuckles turn white. And you adored every second of that. But what you definitely didn’t adore was Mark Lee.

“And worst best friend award goes to surprise surprise Lee Donghyuck!”

He shrugged unimpressed by your weak attack and focuses back on his damned frog.

Mark Lee. Unfortunately for your sanity, you had to see him almost as often as you decided to practice on your own. If there was one thing you shared with him and you respected him for was his own commitment to Quidditch. More often that not, you’d have to share the pitch with him in your spare time, taunting each other for the entire period of time you spent practicing. He was the beloved Seeker of Gryffindor, their pride and joy and your rival ever since you were both accepted in your respective teams.

“So what’s your score against him?”

“It’s a draw.”

Yes, you were that petty. You and Mark kept the score on how many times you defeated each other in matches. It didn’t actually matter which team actually won, the only thing that mattered for your childish competition was who managed to catch the Golden Snitch.

“That’s why you’re so tense?”

“Bingo, smartpants.”

“What even is the big deal about your little game? It’s not like either of you actually gets something out of this.”

“I gain the right to stick my win in his face and vice versa.”

Teasing between you and Mark often stretched your patience to its maximum and ended up in one of you snapping like a chord under pressure. Donghyuck shivered as he remembered the final match of your fourth year when your house lost against Gryffindor due to Mark catching the Snitch before you. He could vividly remember the blood rushing through his veins in fear at the sight of you battling Mark shoulder to shoulder at a dangerous speed, arm stretched out so far he believed you’d topple over at any moment.

He doesn’t want a repeat of the miserable image of you he saw at the time, a defeated you, slumped on the bench in your changing room, head lowered in ultimate shame and disappointment as bitter tears rolled off your face, splashing against the floor as Donghyuck watched worriedly through the half opened door. Mark had really done a number on you that day.

“You have to win, Y/N.”

“Why the sudden change of heart, wasn’t our competition meaningless for your highness?”

“I don’t give a frog’s toe about your competition, but I want to spend time time with you this summer. And not just to watch you practice until you drop.”

You scoffed. You knew that he was referring to the summer after your horrifying defeat against Mark. Donghyuck could barely get a hold of you since you spent all day on your broom, tiring yourself out to your limit.

“Don’t worry, I don’t plan on losing.”

~

“Already wetting your pants, Y/L/N?”

You didn’t have to turn around to put a face to the taunting voice behind you.

“I don’t know, Lee, should I? You must know since you have more experience than me.”

Mark’s face scrunched up at the reminder of his first year when he lost control of his broom and he quite literally saw his life flash before his eyes. Not very Gryffindor from his part.

“Whatever, we both know how this is about to end. Save your cheap defense until after this final. My team will win this year’s tournament and I’ll beat you individually too.”

The reminder of the stakes of this match weren’t soothing your nerves at all, especially mere hours before you were facing Mark on the pitch. You curled your fists and kept a straight face, not daring to show him any weakness from your side.

“Shove that pointless confidence up your ass until you prove you’re worthy of it, Lee.”

“Oh so fourth year isn’t enough proof?”

The corner of your lips twitched and your eyes narrowed. zeroing on his tense featured in a chilling glare.

“You said matches don’t count, didn’t you? You were the one insisting that you didn’t consider anything a victory other than catching the Snitch before me. And in that aspect, last I verified, we’re equals.”

His lips moved soundlessly, trying to come up with a retort, but you didn’t spare him enough time to come up with anything, turning on your heels and marching away to meet Donghyuck.

“You’ll see, Y/L/N, you’ll never be my equal.”

His voice followed you tauntingly through the busy corridors, your rushed footsteps taking you anywhere but close to the only person who could make your blood boil.

~

It took three pep talks and four ‘friendly’ attacks of your personal space from Donghyuck to make you gather your spirits and stop the tremors shaking up your entire body. He walked you to the changing room’s door, patting you roughly on the back one last time

“Give your best, I’ll be watching from the stands. I trust that you won’t let me get bored. Also, remember that if you lose you’re sleeping on the mat in front of the entrance in our common room.”

And with that he skipped away, hurried to find a good spot in the stands that were already starting to fill up with students. You sigh, used to his weird way of encouraging you and stepped inside the room, greeting Jungwoo, your captain and your fellow teammates, starting to change into your Quidditch uniform.

As soon as you set foot on the familiar pitch, your eyes met Mark’s who stood straight and proud side by side with his own captain sporting his Gryffindor red cape and holding his broom, the newest Nimbus model.

You Keeper was talking your ear off about the ‘amazingly efficient’ polish he found, but you couldn’t seem to rip your gaze away from Mark who in turn seemed to burn through you with his gaze. He threw you a smirk as if provoking you to lose your cool. But you decided you wouldn’t allow him the satisfaction.

The stands were already roaring to life. Any match between you and Mark was very sought after by everyone in your school due to the intensity it held each time. Despite the already loudness surrounding the pitch, one high pitched screech couldn’t help but catch your attention.

“KICK SOME ASS, Y/N! Or the mat is waiting for you!”

Count on Donghyuck to be the embarrassing mom rooting for you at her child’s every sport event. You shoot him a warning look to which he only responded with an over dramatic wink and an even louder ’whoop’. You could only sigh, appreciating his support despite your lack of reaction to it.

“I’ll kick your ass, Lee Donghyuck.”

You muttered, trying to stop the smile forming on your lips. A snort came from the side, making your head snap in its direction.

“Try your best, Y/LN, too bad you’ll still disappoint lover boy over there.”

“Jealous, Lee?”

“You wish.”

Madam Hooch interrupted your banter with a shrill whistle, stepping in between the two teams while holding the Quaffle.

“Alright, boys and girls, mount your brooms.”

Within seconds all players were high in the air, adrenaline pumping through your veins, your heated gaze locked with Mark’s. It became kind of a tradition between the two of you, intense stare downs before the official start of the game. Madam Hooch’s voice which carried the same words every time sounded far away as she bent down, ready to throw the Quaffle.

“Alright, I want a clean and fair game, hear me? Good luck and may the best win.”

The long deafening whistle signified the start of the match and Chasers whizzed past you, speeding towards the Quaffle. You and Mark broke eye contact, each of you getting immersed in the game, your sole focus being on catching sight of the Golden Snitch.

The weather worsened as the game progressed, the unpredictable May weather acting up. The clouds darkened, completely shutting out any ray of sunshine trying to sneak past them, a thickening fog suffocating the school grounds. Slowly but surely, what started as a few scattered rain drops soon turned into a full blown storm, a cold shower falling atop of you, the harsh wind whipping your capes back and forth. The stands were barely visible, the cheers from below inaudible over the wind and the players’ yells.

If it wasn’t hard enough already to spot the small, golden ball, now it seemed close to impossible. You could make out Mark’s silhouette flying around, but you didn’t linger any longer on him, focused on catching sight of the Snitch. Bludgers were flying everywhere, the Beaters’ efficiency decreasing because of the lack of visibility, another worry to add to the list.

Gryffindor was in the lead with 20 points, the score remaining tight as the match dragged on and on. You had already been playing for a while, your uniforms were already soaked and your skin paling from the biting cold of the unforgiving rain, but the conditions only spurred you further. You had to catch the Snitch.

Just as your patience was running thin, you caught sight of a fast-moving golden spot, hovering on the sidelines. Without a second thought, you sped towards it, your surroundings blurring as your eyes focused solely on the already moving Snitch. Mark noticed your forceful actions immediately, whizzing past the others players and nearing you.

“And Y/L/N seems to have finally spotted the Golden Snitch! Both Seekers are bolting after it, I can barely keep track of them!”

The crowd exploded, cheering louder than ever, but you couldn’t hear anything, pushing yourself to the limit as Mark caught up to you and you battled side by side once again. The Snitch seemed to be angrier than ever, jerking furiously at every corner, but you didn’t let yourself be caught by surprise, keeping up with it.

Until it started speeding in a straight line, stopping its irregular twists and turns and you knew that was your chance. You flew at top speed, stretching your hand in front of you so much that your muscles almost protested and Mark followed suit. You were shoulder to shoulder with him, subtly knocking into each other in an attempt to make the other lose their balance.

“Move! It’s mine!”

His hoarse voice yelled right by your year, only making you grit your teeth harder.

“Fuck off, Lee!”

Your fingertips were a breath away from the Snitch, Mark’s arm pressing into yours, the cold wind biting at your cheeks. Desperately, you shifted your weight from your bottom to the hand clutching your broomstick, leaning forward on your arm and before Mark could react, you lurched forward slightly, encasing the running object in the palm of your hand, clutching it so tightly it left marks into the skin, but you didn’t care. 

You did it. You caught the Golden Snitch.

“Y/N!”

Before you could regain your stance, a Bludger knocked into your broom forcefully. With your already unsteady grip on the broomstick, you toppled over in an instant, the broom slipping from under you, but you didn’t dare unclench the fingers trapping the Snitch in your hand.

Mark’s desperate yell seemed to be the only sound echoing in your ears as you plummeted. The last thing you saw before you knocked loudly into the ground with a sickening crack were Mark’s distressed features, a hand stretched to its full extent in front of him as he rushed to get a hold of you, your own outstretched fingers slipping right past his.

~

Surprisingly, as soon as you managed to crack your eyes open you weren’t hit with a blinding light. It still seemed to take a great effort to keep them open for longer than a second, your hand twitching in an attempt to bring it to cover your sensitive eyes, but being stopped by a weight forcing it down. 

“Y/N?”

You groaned, scrunching up your face as soreness hit your body full force at your attempt to move.

“Merlin, Y/N, can you open your eyes?”

You could recognize Donghyuck’s voice anywhere, but the almost desperate tone he used was quite foreign to you.

“Come on, babe, open your eyes. Madam Pomfrey! ”

You realized the weight on your hand were actually his fingers which now squeezed yours encouragingly as his other hand came up to smooth strands of your hair away from your face. You clenched your teeth, forcing an eye open.

“Stop fucking yelling, punk.”

At your annoyed retort, he let out a relieved sigh, wrapping his arms gently around you while trying not to jostle you too much.

“Thank Merlin, you’re back.”

After Madam Pomfrey checked on you and updated you on your injuries which were a bit more serious than you expected, she left you with Donghyuck once again. He leaned back in his chair, a lot more relaxed than in the past days he’s had to spend by your bedside. You furrowed your eyebrows.

“The match. We won the match right?”

Donghyuck snorted as your first question was about Quidditch instead of your own health, but it didn’t even surprise him anymore.

“Yes, you crazy hag, you won.”

“Yes! We did it! We won!”

You’ve never felt more relieved in your entire life. You finally proved to yourself that all the time and work you’ve put into Quidditch wasn’t for nothing. And if this was the elevation you’d feel after winning cups, you were ready to spend the rest of your youth chasing the Snitch.

“You should eat some chocolate, gain your energy back.”

Now that he mentioned it, you finally focused on your nightstand that overflowed with sweets. You grabbed the closest one, a chocolate frog, not hesitating to stuff it all in your mouth and collect the card inside. Another Nicolas Flamel, you already had two of those. 

“Those are a lot.”

“Tell me about it. Don’t worry, I’ll help you finish them.”

“I don’t doubt that.”

“Hyuck, tell me, did Jungwoo cry?”

“Should’ve seen him, like a baby. I’m pretty sure he filled half of that cup with snot-”

“Ewww, I didn’t need all the gross details. Ah, I’m sorry for missing that. And Lee’s face, I bet I’d sleep like a baby for the next 10 years if I had the chance to see that.“

Donghyuck’s lips were suddenly pulled into a smirk, eyes glinting with a dangerous mischief.

“You should see one of your beaters, damn nice nose Mark delivered.”

Your munching slowed down, gulping down the sweetness loudly.

“What do you mean? Did that petty git start a fight?”

“Wouldn’t say it was out of pettiness actually.”

Mark was the first to land beside your crumpled figure, dismounting his broom faster than ever and crouching hurriedly before you. His hand ghosted over your cold cheek, too scared to touch you in case he did more harm than good. His shaking pupils fixated on you, running a hundred miles per hour over your face, hoping, praying that you’d open your eyes and celebrate in his face.

“Hey, wake up, don’t play games on the pitch, you already won! Y/L/N!”

Mark knew deep inside that you had no games left to play after a fall like that, but it was his first time seeing you so small, so hurt, so defeated despite the shining Golden Snitch still clutched loosely in your limp hand. It scared him.

“Bloody hell, wake up! Madam Hooch! Help! Anyone, help!”

His head snapped around trying to catch sight of anyone coming to your aid, eyes scanning through the fog crazily. The rain seemed to fall faster and faster, the chill settling deep into your bones. Exhausted, Mark lowered his head in defeat, his forehead gently leaning on yours, his nose nudging against yours. One of his hands still touched your cheek, lightly caressing it, thumb running over the apple of your cheek as his other hand curled into a fist against the ground.

Jungwoo landed next, almost tripping over his broom as he rushed over to you and knelt next to you, opting to ignore the position Mark was in and focus on your well being. Mark’s head didn’t even turn as he spoke lowly.

“Do something for Merlin’s sake. Get Madam Hooch, or Pomfrey! Anyone dammit, just to something!”

Mark raised himself at the lack of response from Jungwoo who seemed rotten to his spot, freezing at the sight of you.

“Are you deaf?! Fucking help!”

That seemed to snap Jungwoo out of his frozen state as he jumped to his feet, sprinting towards the stand where teachers usually stayed during matches. One by one, your teams landed and gathered near you as Mark’s yells of help guided them to you.

“Merlin, that doesn’t look good.”

Mark’s burning gaze settled on your beater who stood a few meters away, leaning on his broom.

“It would have looked better if you did your part right.”

The beater rolled his eyes at Mark’s harsh remark.

“Relax, man, I just wasn’t playing attention for a moment.”

“And you think that’s a proper excuse?!”

Mark was fired up by now, lifting himself to his feet as one of your Chasers, a year younger than you crouched by your side, gripping your hand. He sauntered over, coming face to face with the beater who didn’t seem that interested.

“I’m just saying it’s not my fault their own incompetence landed themselves in the hospital wing, I’m not pulling anyone’s wight al-”

He didn’t get to finish his mocking words as Mark’s fist met his nose with a loud crunch, Mark’s powerful swing sending him to the ground as blood started dripping from his nose steadily.

“Don’t you ever talk about Y/N like that. Not ever again. If I hear one bad word about them coming out of your worthless mouth, I’ll hex you into next year. You’ll never be half of the player Y/N already is, remember your place, asshole.”

Madam Hooch was already tending to you by the time Mark turned back to you, deeming it safe enough for you to be moved to the hospital wing. Donghyuck, who sprinted out of the stand as soon as he heard your name coming out of Jungwoo’s mouth, held your head in his lap, smoothed down your hair, pushing away wet strands that covered your eyes.

Mark strode over to you, taking off his cap and laying it over your body as he slotted an arm under your legs, his other coming around your back. He lifted your body, cradling you against his chest as Donghyuck also stood up to fix your position in Mark’s arms into a more comfortable one.

“Off to the hospital wing,now. Quick, quick, quick!”

Mark didn’t waste another moment before he hurried inside the castle with you in his hold and Donghyuck quick on his heels.

“Mark Lee stood up for me? The same Mark Lee who hates my guts since we first got in our Quidditch teams?”

“Do you know another Mark Lee? Maybe he didn’t hate you that much after all, or…not at all. After all, all these chocolate frogs are from him, said something about seeing you exchange some cards with his Griffyndor friend in class or something.”

“He visited?”

“We wouldn’t be able to get rid of him sometimes. He opened up to me once when we met outside the door trying to sneak in one night.”

“Why were you even sneaking in?”

“I was bored, okay? I had no one to tire me out during the day.”

“Hey!”

“Anyway, he said he had nightmares of you slipping right past his fingers and him failing to catch you. He relives that moment.”

“Did it really affect him that much? Accidents happen all the time.”

“Not to you, Y/N.”

“Maybe, but I’m just another player from the opposite team., right? …Do you think he…?”

Donghyuck brought a hand up to his head, massaging his temples as he sighed with annoyance.

“You’re too dense.”

“How could I have known? ”

“Look, just talk to him as soon as you can. That boy needs to finally sleep properly, even my grandma’s bag has a lighter color than his eye bags.”

You just nodded, a bit skeptic.

You were discharged on that same day. Jungwoo almost cried again when you met in the common room, hugging you tightly, praising and scolding you at the same time with a brotherly smile.

You first saw Mark Lee in the halfway, after your Potions class. He was sitting on the ledge of a large window, staring seemingly into space. Donghyuck’s words echo in your mind as you decide to approach him and hop onto the space beside him, settling comfortable against the window behind you.

“Woah, Lee, Donghyuck was right, you could really use some concealer.”

Mark jostled as if he only noticed you now. His wide doe eyes racked over your smiling face and he seemed to panic internally.

“Whe-When did you get here? Why are you out of bed?”

“Because I was discharged?”

“What? Since when?”

“Earlier today.”

“Oh…”

He cleared his throat awkwardly, eyes running wild everywhere but in your direction. You chuckled.

“It’s okay, I already know how much the almighty Mark Lee worried over poor little me.”

Mark scoffed, his embarrassed behavior vanishing. 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself. I see that hit to your head didn’t help with your sharp tongue, disappointingly.”

He swiftly moved away, starting to walk away from you until your hand clasped around his wrist, stopping him mid step.

“Wait, I just… I wanted to thank you.”

Mark seemed confused now, turning back to you with furrowed eyebrows.

“Thank me? What for?”

“Standing up for me and uh, you know, taking care of me.”

Mark’s face darkened at the memory of your beater.

“That git was just asking for it and I barely did anything.”

“Then at least let me repay you for the chocolate frogs you brought me.”

Now he seemed to choke on a confused ‘huh?’ with a bewildered expression that just melted your otherwise cocky demeanor.

“W-what? How-”

Mark’s words died in his throat as you slotted your lips against his in a teasing kiss, your hand holding the nape of his next affectionately and pulling him closer you. Mark took a few moments to realize it was actually happening in reality, not just an illusion from the lack of sleep. His hands came up to your waist, wrapping you in his embrace and pulling you against him impossibly closer. Years of pushed down passion and longing were exchanged in that moment, dizzying both of you.

As you pulled away from each other for air, Mark could taste the faint sweetness of chocolate on his lips. He smiled and his whole rival image turned into a lovesick teenage boy with a smile brighter than the sun. He laughed quietly, thumbs caressing your sides gently.

“I see you enjoyed your chocolate.”

You leaned more into him, pulling his face so close to yours that your noses brushed against each other’s, your ravished breath fanning across his lips as you whispered.

“I did. I’m glad I’m so interesting to you that you observe me in class enough to know that I collect chocolate frogs cards.”

You expected a blush to paint his cheeks red, an elbow in your side or at least an annoyed huff but you got none of that. Instead, one of Mark’s hands came up to cradle your cheek as he stared deep into your eyes with an unreadable look.

“Excuse me but it’s hard not to look when I have the prettiest person I’ve ever seen who also happens to be my crush since 3rd year.”

Your eyes widened, searching his for any hint that he may be just lying or teasing you. But all you could find was pure, unadulterated fondness, a withheld fire burning low in his eyes. He leaned down, lips brushing against the shell of your ear and sending goosebumps across the expanse of your skin.

“It’s been so hard not to just pull you aside and snog you senseless, especially in your Quidditch uniform.”

You decided to play along. You brought your fingers to his heated neck, running them faintly over his skin and you smirked seeing him shiver at your touch.

“Having a kink for uniforms, Lee?”

Mark screeched lowly, pulling away from you as if burned. He smoothed down his robes, fixating you with a glare that made you laugh.

“Y/N, I’m serious, though. I like you, I really really lo-….like you.”

You noticed his stutter, but it only made your smile widen as you stretched out a hand to intertwine his fingers with yours and pull him along down the corridor.

“Hm, I’ll need some more proof of that.”

Mark squeezed your hand in response, chuckling at you sweetly. He leaned over, pressing a feather like kiss to your temple.

“Don’t worry, you’re nowhere done with your payment back to me. And I only accept it in the form of kisses and cuddles.”

You smiled at each other, your hearts finally settling satisfied in your chests after years of internal turmoil that finally burned out.

“That can be arranged easily.”

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[lipstickstainz]

true lies - s. r. (6/15)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Series Summary: Spencer is furious, when you rejoin the team after a year and after you left him, when he got arrested. Little does he know, that you leaving him was the only option to ever get him out of prison.

Chapter Summary: A glimpse of your past - and an honest conversation.

Warnings: a little fluff, Spencer talking about his time in prison (spoilers), a lot of angst

Word Count: 2.8k

A/N: please don’t hate me. gif not mine. 

Series Masterlist

previous part

"This is the best birthday present I've ever gotten”, Spencer grins as you walk together through Griffith Observatory. It's already evening, but it doesn't feel like you've been here all day. Around every corner there is something different to discover, exhibits to see, new things to learn, and Spencer is almost like a child, so excited is he. He can't keep still and when you stop at an exhibit, he trips from one foot to the other.

"I'm glad you like it here”, you smile as you sit down at a table at the Café at the End of the Universe. You're glad he's enjoying the trip, even though you had to fly here for it. Los Angeles isn't exactly close to D.C., but you wanted to give him something he liked that you could experience together, and a visit to Griffith Observatory seemed fitting.

The view you have from your seat is breathtaking. Los Angeles is at your feet. It's a beautiful view for a beautiful day and you're glad you're here with Spencer. "What did you like best?"

He doesn't even have to think hard before he has an answer. "The Once and Future Griffith Observatory”, he grins, and you roll your eyes.

"But that's only because Leonard Nimoy narrates." You have to grin, too. Spencer is a little transparent, which makes him incredibly endearing.

For a few minutes, you sit together in silence, enjoying the last rays of sunlight on your skin. The silence between you is anything but awkward. Ever since the beginning of your friendship, you've been able to sit together without exchanging a word, enjoying the moment without it getting weird. And although the dynamic between you has changed a bit and you've grown closer lately, it hasn't changed.

"I know you're not into all that stuff”, he interrupts the silence at one point, and you avert your gaze from Los Angeles to look at him. He runs his hand through his hair so that it falls slightly into his forehead, and the reddish glow cast on him by the last rays of the sun makes him look so incredibly handsome that you have to swallow. "Did you like it, too?"

You nod vigorously. "I don't know much about it, but you showed me that the science of the stars can be fun even if you don't look completely behind it." You want to reach across the table and take his hand, but you don't dare. "And I think it's nice to be here with you."

You can't pinpoint exactly when your friendship changed. Since you started working at BAU, you had hit it off and become fast best friends, and you value his friendship very much. But lately you see him in a different light and you can sense that he feels the same, but neither dares to make the first move. Two idiots who have a crush on each other and don't want to admit it.

A few moments later, the sun disappears behind the horizon and Spencer gets up from his chair. "Come on, we have one more thing to do." Carefully, he pulls you from your seat and before you know where he's going, you're there. Even though it's Saturday night, there aren't many people at the observatory, so you can stand in front of a large telescope without waiting in line. "We've heard so much about the universe today, but I want to see the stars with you before we go."

You hesitate, but Spencer tells you to look first, so you take a peek through the telescope. Except for the bright stars, the view is pitch black and deep. A cluster of stars looks very familiar. "What constellation is that, Spence?", you ask, making room for him to take a look himself.

"That's the little bear”, he replies, letting you back up to the telescope so he can explain further and you can look at the stars. "In Greek mythology, the little bear is actually a son of Zeus and a nymph. Or rather, Zeus turned the child into a bear so that the bear wouldn't attack his mother, the nymph, who also became a bear." You look at Spencer. "And then Zeus hurled them both into the sky. Pretty unrealistic."

"I think it's very realistic for a Greek god to turn a mother and child into bears and then stick them in the sky as stars”, you grin, and he gives a short laugh. "Thank you for knowing such things. I find it interesting when you explain things." You smile at him and glance up at the starry sky again. "Do you want to look through here again? The view is phenomenal and breathtakingly beautiful."

"It is indeed”, Spencer replies without taking his eyes off you.

The look he gives you now is one of sadness and pain. You don't see it, but you feel it in your back as you make you both a cup of coffee each. As you turn and place the cup on the kitchen table in front of him, he averts his eyes.

The silence between you is unbearable and only then do you really realize how much everything has changed. How much you have changed. Sitting together in your kitchen in the middle of the night feels as forced as it actually is, but neither of you is ready to get started. For as confusing as the last time has been for you, you know full well that this conversation will either raise more questions than it clears up, or it will be goodbye. And you're not ready for the latter.

You put your hands around the warm cup and realize how cold you are, even though the heating is turned up. Goosebumps come over you and you try to shake the cold shiver off your back as inconspicuously as you can, but the small movement doesn't go unnoticed by Spencer. He looks at you, and as you meet his gaze, he no longer seems sad or pained. Spencer looks lost, and there's nothing you can do to get him out of it.

"What have you been up to for the last year?", he asks you quietly, taking a sip of his coffee.

"I've been here and there. Been working a lot”, you answer, and it's probably the only truth you can tell in the conversation. For the past year, you've really been working, around the clock, but you can't explain to him what exactly you've been doing. And you're also glad he's not asking.

"So you're a professor in between now?", you ask at one point, and he nods mutely.

"Yes, I have to take thirty days off for one hundred days that I work, and I'm teaching during that time."

"Do you enjoy it?", you ask, even though you know the answer. Spencer has always loved teaching other people and sharing his knowledge, which is why you've always secretly thought he'd enjoy teaching.

"Well, a lot of the students just come to listen, which is kind of a shame because the topics are really interesting. Luke said they just come to gawk at me, but I don't think so."

"You're the only professor who talks about crime and everything, but who's also been to prison. I can well imagine that a lot of young women find that very hot." You smile at him and he weakly returns it. When he doesn't respond to that, you keep talking. "I probably have no right to ask about it, but I'd like to know what you've experienced in prison." You take a sip of your coffee. "I can tell it's changed you a lot."

His fingers tighten a little around the cup as he answers. "Prison isn't the only thing that's changed me." To others, his comment would have certainly come off wrong, resentful and bitchy, but not to you. Spencer is simply telling the truth, and that's what the conversation is supposed to be about. You're supposed to be honest with each other, at least within a certain framework that allows you to be as honest as you can. "It really wasn't easy. I became friends with a former FBI agent - Calvin Shaw. He gave me tips on how to survive in prison. Which didn't help much. I tried to help a friend, his name was Luis, by telling a guard that he kept getting beat up by a certain gang, after which they almost killed me." It comes so easily to his lips, but his posture shows that this has not passed him by without a trace. His shoulders are tense and you fear the cup will break, he's clutching it so tightly. "I was supposed to help smuggle drugs in, but I refused, whereupon they beat me up in the laundry room and slit Luis' throat in front of me." He pauses for a moment, as if he needs to sort out his thoughts, and takes a deep breath.

"I wanted revenge, so I poisoned the drugs, hoping it would kill them. But they were just the distributors. Five people got poisoned by it, including Shaw." You can hear he's not proud of that, and your stomach tightens. His hands shake, which is why he lets go of the cup and folds them in his lap. "The jail got into lockdown, but Tara did a cognitive interview with me that didn't do much good. My trial was delayed, and I was really afraid I was going to die in jail. When Shaw and the others were released from the infirmary, Shaw got back at me. He knew I was responsible for the tainted drugs, and he tipped off the others that I was FBI. He said to me I wouldn't see it coming, but they didn't want to put me in solitary either. So I whittled down a knife and took Shaw's hand and stabbed myself to make it look like he did it."

Your gaze moves from his face to his legs, and there you see it. A small scar that you certainly wouldn't notice if you didn't know it was there. Tears well up in your eyes. Not even for a brief moment, did you doubt your decision to leave then, but now you wish you had stayed with him then. You would have helped him, stood by his side. You blink away a tear before it can run down your cheek. "And then?"

"Then at some point I was discharged. The team did everything they could to get me out of that hellhole, and for that I'm very grateful. Otherwise, I would have been murdered in there for sure." He shifts the cup of coffee from one hand to the other. "Look, I don't want you to disappear again. I really don't, but this can't go on like this either. We can't seem to stay away from each other, but we're just arguing and it's not doing either of us any good."

You have a few more questions about his time in prison, but you keep them to yourself.It's clear from him that the subject is closed for him, and you don't want to force it on him. So you just nod.  You wouldn't leave Spencer again for any amount of money. It nearly killed you the first time, and for sure you wouldn't survive it a second time. "What do you suggest?"

He purses his lips into a thin line and starts to tap his foot. "I don't know if I can forgive you for leaving then. It was too painful for that. But I think that maybe, somehow, we can get along. We might even become friends again."

"I'm sorry I left then, Spencer. And I don't expect you to forgive me, I have no right to, because after all, I'm the only one responsible for this situation here”, you confess, running your hand through your hair. A nervous gesture that you seem to have picked up from him. "I'm very grateful to you for not wanting me to leave, even though I've caused you so much pain. I don't know what I've done to deserve this, but I'll do everything I can so that we can live together to some extent. And I hope that someday we can be friends again."

A smile spreads across his face. "Thank you for being honest with me, Y/N. I think this conversation is good for both of us. And it was pretty overdue, don't you think?"

You tighten your mouth into a thin line. "Pretty much." You take the last sip of coffee before rinsing off both cups and putting them back on the top shelf. Your shirt slides up a little, exposing the tattoo on your ribcage.

"You have a tattoo?", asks Spencer as you sit back down. "What did you get?"

You hesitate. "Nothing in particular. Just a saying I picked up a while back."

To this, Spencer doesn't reply, and silence returns. Only this time, it's not as stifling as it was at the beginning of your conversation.

"I should go”, Spencer says eventually, and stands up. He puts on the rest of his clothes and you accompany him to the door. Indecisively, you stand in front of each other. How do you say goodbye to someone you love?

"I'd like to kiss you”, Spencer confesses, and your heart skips a beat. "But that wouldn't be good. For us." He spreads his arms and you fall against him for a moment, hearing his heartbeat one last time before he pulls away from you and smiles weakly at you.

Sometimes you don't even notice a goodbye right away. It happens quietly, creeping, slowly, more painful than a quick goodbye. It goes to your bones, tears at your heart, blinds you. You can't look at Spencer as he speaks, because you know that the goodbye you were afraid of is here now.The glimmer of hope you've carried with you for an entire year is quietly extinguished, the embers cease to glow and the smoke clouds your senses.  For a year, you held on to the fact that you would eventually find each other again. You prayed, hoped, and pleaded for it. The thought gave you comfort as you lay alone in your bed wondering how he was doing and what he was doing. And now it's over. Standing in front of you is Spencer. Spencer, who was in prison. Spencer, who's been through so much. Spencer, who might be your friend again someday.

"Someday you're going to make someone very happy”, you whisper, hoping he doesn't notice how your voice breaks.The pain spreading through you is too intense, and you wrap your arms around your body, afraid to crumble.  But you really wish this for him. You want him to be happy, to find someone he can love as unconditionally as you love him. Someone he can trust blindly. Someone who will not leave him.

Spencer smiles at you and opens the door, but before he leaves, he turns to you one last time. "I have one last question." You look at him and wipe the back of your hand under your nose. "You said it's hard to leave someone you love." He gives you one last look. "Did you leave me because you didn't love me anymore? Or did it have another reason?"

Inside you are screaming at him that you could never stop loving him. That everything you did was for him. That you almost died when you left him and turned your back on everyone. But you can't say it out loud. It was part of the deal. A deal that not even Emily knows every detail of. As you answer him, you die again inside. "I didn't love you anymore, Spencer. I'm sorry."

-

You'd love to never leave your apartment again, but that's not an option. You'd like to call in sick, but that would be a bad start to a someday-friendship, and you don't want Spencer to realize how much this goodbye has destroyed you. You suffer silently, not even telling Emily about your conversation, but trying to let others notice as little as possible how you're really feeling. Work distracts you, and that's a good thing.

When you're alone, it's harder. The pain is unbearable. Loving someone, and losing that person, is the worst pain you could have ever imagined. Your nights are plagued by nightmares, your days are filled with distractions. You try to somehow come to terms with the fact that Spencer would never be yours again, but you had hoped for too long that one day you would find each other again. But that wasn't going to happen. Spencer left. And it's your fault.

After a while, you stop waking up screaming in the middle of the night. You haven't gotten used to the pain, but it's a constant companion now, almost a friend, and you don't try to block it out anymore. You are no longer afraid of the nightmares, because even when you wake up, they are real. You find that you can neither escape nor resist, and so you accept your fate and withdraw so deeply into yourself that you lose yourself.

The emptiness in your head spreads throughout your body and the biggest hole is your heart.

next part

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