#and we went in complete opposite directions. she's changed so much it's kind of scary even to her friends

[lesbianlotties]

find the word!

tagged by @eskawrites thank you so much! this is so much fun and i looved reading yours!

rules: search your WIPs for the words you're given and share the extract they're from.

the words i was given are: glass, remain, unlikely, loyal, and wrong.

glass, from my Yellowjackets x The Conjuring AU:

Laura Lee carried with her a messenger bag with a few items she packed with not too much confidence: A Bible, a new one her parents got her when she returned home. A glass bottle filled with holy water that she also got from her parents and now had her wondering if she should have brought more and how to get more of it by herself. A crucifix, yet another object inherited from her family, pulled down from a wall of her new apartment. And, although she preferred not to picture any circumstances in which they would be necessary, she brought her a small hunting knife she bought herself not too long after the rescue, and a rope.

remain, from my Laura Lee Corruption Arc fic

Laura Lee and Van had been close friends for many years and fought to remain close despite growing up in what seemed to be opposite directions, changing into people quite different from each other. They were a source of joy and comfort for each other. A smile that transported them to childhood and a laugh that promised the future would be alright. It didn’t matter how different they seemed to be at the present day. They didn’t expect that their faith in Lottie Matthews would become their new common ground.

unlikely, again from the Laura Lee Corruption Arc fic

Realistically, Laura Lee had remembered hearing that people who commit suicide don’t go to Heaven, but she doubted that was true. Truthfully, she had considered that in such a crowded setting it was unlikely that they would just let her die. Pools do have a tendency to have an entire line of work dedicated to keeping people alive in them. So, some might have argued that she hadn’t genuinely wanted to kill herself that day. At the end of the day, she wasn’t sure it mattered. She got close enough. Close enough to Him to become the daughter her mother expected and demanded her to be. Close enough to dying to realize… No, it wasn’t as scary as some people made it out to be. Well, she tempted death more than once, really. Or, at least, she was planning to.

loyal, again from the Conjuring AU (loyalty seems close enough lol)

Mari cleared her throat, and Lottie’s eyes drifted toward her briefly before returning to Laura Lee, who couldn’t look away from Lottie. It had been a minute since they were reunited and Laura Lee’s mind was already getting carried away with memories of Mari’s fervent loyalty to Lottie, and the times when it had been a threat, competition, or just annoying to Laura Lee. “I’m obviously going to want to know more about how this little reunion came about,” Mari said. “But, you know what, I trust you… both. And this is kind of an emergency so, can we please get going? We don’t have much time.”

wrong, from my Natlee unrequited love fic

Every night, Laura Lee kneeled before her bed and tried to pray. She tried to think of something that wasn’t Natalie. She knew she couldn’t exactly ask God to help her on that subject. It was one thing the hard work of making peace with the disparities between her church and what she genuinely believed God meant, and convincing herself that she wouldn’t necessarily go to hell for the feelings in her heart. It was something completely different to pray to God and ask him for a girlfriend. She couldn’t find it in herself to ask Him to take her feelings away though. She had tried, years ago, to desperately beg God to take away and destroy the attraction she felt that went in a direction her family and her church had told her was wrong. That was over. She’d never go back to that torture. Even if she could ask specifically for God to take away only her feelings for Natalie in particular, she wouldn’t either. It was excruciating, to feel herself falling for Natalie with every word, every look, and every touch they shared. And she wouldn’t change it for the world.

I'm tagging: @natscatorrcio @sapphicscience @yee-hawlw @lilolilyr @scorchedhearth

Your words are: pink, high, ground, alone, and gentle.

#omg thank you for tagging me i loved this!! i'm so excited about all my wips

[spicysoftsweet]

Chapter 9

Masterlist

tw character death

Mitsuya was used to listening to crying, comfortable even. It was a normal human response after all, and his sisters cried all the time.

But Kumi cried in a very odd way he wasn’t exactly prepared for. Without warning, in the middle of a conversation about her and his plans for high school and beyond, tears had started to run down her cheeks and her speech had paused for a moment, before she continued to speak as though nothing had happened.

She wiped her tears with the back of her hand as though she’d simply sprung a leak, and promptly continued, her voice wobbling a little, but still smiling.

“I-if I at least stay in T-Tokyo after graduation, we can still be friends even if we don’t go to the same high school, right?”

He furrowed his eyebrows.

“Why wouldn’t we stay friends?” He asked, confused.

She grinned widely from across the low table in his home, her eyes shining still.

“Promise you won’t get tired of me.”

Mitsuya looked at Kumi’s obvious forced smile and wondered if Toman was the only thing Baji had dropped. His behavior was stranger than usual definitely, but maybe he was really just showing his true colors. Even if defecting to an opposing gang was unreasonable (even by Baji standards), Baji and Kazutora had always been terribly close, and if Kazutora changed, so could the latter.

“I won’t,” he replied.

He, like Mikey, didn’t want to end up fighting his friend, but he wouldn’t mind landing one solid punch for good measure.

---

“I don’t know if I wanna be an angel this year,” Kumi mused as she walked out of the convenience store down the street with her best friend trailing closely behind her. She unwrapped a lollipop, sighing before popping it into her mouth. “You get to look cute and sexy in the devil costume and I’m probably going to look like a nun,” she pouted.

Kaksi took the bag of discounted pre-Halloween candy from her and fished for a milk chocolate bar, unwrapping it for a bite.

“We can trade if you want.”

Kumi turned to her with surprise, but Kaksi grinned appropriately devilishly.

“But you won’t look scary at all, so how can you be a devil?” With that, she held the bar in her teeth and squished Kumi’s cheeks, causing the latter to frown and swat away at her hands.

“Stop!” She whined.

Kaksi laughed louder, which led to her chocolate falling to the ground which had her gasp in dismay.

“Karma,” Kumi pretend-disguised the remark with a loud cough, wincing as Kaksi gave her a slap on the shoulder, then giggled back. “Don’t worry, you can have mine.”

“As I deserve,” Kaksi said, then glanced at her watch. “We should head there quickly, the store will close soon.”

“Mm.”

The girls managed to find their way to the corner shop and picked out their outfits, taking pictures together as they tried their accessories, a white halo for Kumi and a pair of red devil horns for Kaksi.

“You didn’t want to trade?” Kaksi asked, looking through their pics on her flip phone as they walked home, shopping bags in hand. “We can still swap if you want.”

Kumi shook her head.

“My parents are already being too lenient by letting me go out for the parade tomorrow in the first place, so putting on leather on top of that will probably be pushing it,” she said, with a dramatic sigh.

Kaksi laughed.

“You know, for a moment I was wondering if you’d change being around gang members for so long, but it seems like you’re still a goody two-shoes after all.”

Kumi smiled in response but her smile was a little less bright this time, and Kaksi frowned. She’d almost gotten over the sting of Kazutora essentially breaking things off with her but she had to remember that Kumi’s situation was still fresh in her heart.

An idea suddenly popped into her head, and she grabbed Kumi’s hand suddenly, turning around to face her.

Kumi’s eyes widened as Kaksi’s beamed.

“Hey, we’re gonna be friends forever, right? A pair, you and me, right?’.

Kumi nodded slowly in agreement, not exactly sure where Kaksi was getting at. Of course, she was her best friend.

“So… I think we should make a pact,” she proposed.

“What kind of pact?”

The sun was starting to set, pinker than usual, and with the wind picking up in that late October evening, Kumi had the feeling that whatever Kaksi was about to say next would be terribly poignant. She found herself holding her breath, as Kaksi continued.

“When we’re old maids later on in life, we should just buy a huge house in the woods and live together. We can get dogs and cats and make a garden where we grow our own food and not worry about any mean losers that just fight all the time. We’ll buy lots of books and play music all day and you can do all the cooking because I hate cooking but it’ll be amazing. What do you think?”

Kumi’s smile was genuine this time. She clasped her other hand over Kaksi’s warm ones.

“It sounds amazing.”

Maybe Kaksi was the only person she really needed after all, Kumi thought.

---

Even if Kumi was trying to focus on literally anything else aside from Baji, there was a small part of her that still worried about the tension brewing between the Tokyo Manji gang and Valhalla, and the thought of another brawl landing him or even Mitsuya in the hospital seemed to haunt her. It didn’t help that Mitsuya had told her that there would be ‘Toman business’ on the afternoon of Halloween and so he’d have to pass on going to the parade with her and Kaksi. She had insisted that they could all go, and he’d told her that there was something big, without really giving her additional details.

Big was not good when it came to gangs.

All day Kumi dwelled on it until she felt that she had to say something by the time lunchtime rolled around, starting with a long sigh to feign nonchalance.

“So I know we’re not supposed to discuss they-who-must-not-be-named anymore,” she started, stopping abruptly when Kaksi raised her eyebrow at her, “but I feel like something bad’s gonna happen.”

“Like what?” Kaksi asked, barely looking up from her plate.

Kumi frowned.

“I don’t know, Mitsuya wouldn’t really tell me but supposedly they’re preparing for something today and with all that’s going on it seems like it might be a bigger deal this time,” she continued. At this point, Kaksi’s curiosity must have been piqued because she finally looked at her then propped her face up by her elbow on the table.

A slight embarrassment ran over Kumi when she considered how obvious it was that she was still worried about Baji despite the fact that he’d been awful to her, while her friend seemed to take everything in stride.

While Kaksi seemed to be thinking, Kumi decided instead to content herself with spoonfuls of rice.

“Maybe I am nosy,” she laughed out loud for a moment once a couple minutes passed. She considered the idea of showing up again, in front of Baji who probably only found her annoying by now, and she considered that the idea of being chased away a second time was too much to bear. Maybe if she didn’t annoy him, she could pretend that they hadn’t really broken up, just drifted apart. That would work, wouldn’t it?

“Well I’m curious now,” Kaksi said, rising suddenly.

Kumi remembered this exact scenario from just a couple days ago and immediately regretted saying anything.

“Actually maybe this time we shouldn’t-” she began.

“It’s just information. We don’t have to do anything about it,” Kaksi insisted. Kumi agreed.

“Let’s try to ask someone after school.”

...

The school seemed to empty out before either girl could corner a single person. It was odd really, and when they reunited from their different classes, both grimaced as they realized they had absolutely no intel for each other.

Despite the nagging feeling in the back of her mind, Kumi went home to prepare for the evening parade after separating from Kaksi at her house. Walking the rest of the way, she contemplated further the idea of getting over her feelings completely, reanalyzing nearly all of their interactions over the past couple of years to determine what she had missed. This only made her sadder, and by the time she was nearly at her door, she was holding back sniffles.

She hated the fact that she cried so easily.

Not paying attention to where she was going, she found herself running into another boy her age, surprised when she realized it was Yamagishi of all people, one of Takemitchi’s friends that she’d seen a couple times but not really interacted with.

“Oh my gosh, sorry!”

Yamagishi looked at her in surprise.

“Kumi-chan, what are you doing here?”

She tilted her head, surprised by the question, pointing to her house a few paces away.

“I live here?”

Yamagishi’s face turned a deep shade of red, and he laughed nervously.

“Ah, yes… well, it was nice to run into you,” he said, politely, dashing in the opposite direction.

Kumi thought about the weird encounter and considered shrugging her shoulders and going on her way, but then she stopped in her tracks, and ran back to catch up to him.

“Hey!”

Yamagishi stopped, surprised and looked at her in surprise. Kumi faltered a little, phrasing the question, then blurted out, “you know a lot about gang stuff, right?”

Yamagishi scratched his head sheepishly but was clearly pleased. “Yeah, of course. I can literally tell you anything!”

Kumi nodded. “Have you heard about anything big happening tonight? With Tokyo Manji or…?” She didn’t outright say Valhalla, but it was the more pressing question for her.

Yamagishi furrowed his brow.

“Toman’s going to have a huge fight today, if it hasn’t already started…”

Kumi held her breath.

“Where?”

“There’s an old junkyard. I considered going just to see, just because I know it would be crazy, but my parents wanted me home unless I’d get in trouble. They’re going against Valhalla, everyone in the delinquent community knows about it.”

Her heart thumped, and she immediately went ahead to send a text to Kaksi to meet up with her immediately.

“Please tell me where it is.”

---

By the time the girls made it (with multiple wrong turns) to the junkyard, where there were even more people than the Valhalla hideout those couple days before, the fight was more than half over.

At least in sheer numbers,the crowd had already started to thin from Valhalla’s 300, including Baji, Kazutora, and the tall, lanky and obnoxious-sounding boy the girls would later know to be Hanma, and Toman’s 150, including Mikey, the source of all their problems, Kisaki and the rest of the gang they knew well. There were enough bruises and injuries and unconscious boys to go around, and while Kumi and Kaksi froze in space, their eyes quickly scanned the crowd for those that they cared about the most.

The first thing Kumi saw in the distance upon arrival - what they both saw - was the knife in Baji’s hands.

A knife that was raised to the heavens, loud words that sounded like nonsense to her tumbling out of his mouth, and a bold smile on his face.

What is he-

Before Kumi could even process the situation further, or even take account of the other bodies in the junkyard, Baji plunged that very knife straight into his abdomen.

And her heart stopped.

“Kei!”

Maybe his eyes widened for a moment as he searched for her voice, and he did finally see her running towards him, as he collapsed immediately into Chifuyu’s arms who were closer, stronger and faster.

He hadn’t factored this into his move.

In fact he’d thought about what he was doing but he hadn’t really thought at all, had he? Just doing whatever it took to save Kazutora.

Making his death matter.

Bambi, I…

“Kei!” Kumi screamed again, crying this time as she ran, until she found herself intercepted by Mitsuya who saw her run into the fray in time and held her back.

“Let me go!” She shrieked.

Mitsuya said nothing, but held on to her with all his strength, arms tightening as he turned her away, as her screams mixed with Chifuyu’s.

“Someone call an ambulance! Someone stop the bleeding! Please let me,” she sputtered and choked for a moment, losing the ability to breathe. “Let me help him!”

There was nothing she could do. Mitsuya’s grip was like iron and his hold felt like betrayal, and as she watched Baji, turned away from her while he said his final words, her stomach writhed in despair.

Her voice seemed to die in her throat.

“P-please let me go,” she continued helplessly, knowing that Mitsuya wouldn’t give in even for a second, and once she had lost the strength to scream hysterically any longer and her legs grew unsteady, he allowed her to fall to her knees and double over in sobs.

This was cruel, Mitsuya thought, but he could see that Kazutora and Mikey’s standoff was escalating and she couldn’t be in the middle.

Kaksi covered her mouth as she took in Baji’s corpse in turn and it seemed as though time had gone to a stand still until she heard the sickening crunch of Mikey’s knuckles connecting with Kazutora’s jaw.

“I’ll kill you!”

The words came out of Mikey’s mouth, repeated like a mantra and with them, his punches were heavy and relentless; Kaksi could sense the immediate intent to kill.

She couldn’t pretend she didn’t understand why. Kumi was curled into a ball beside her and within Mitsuya’s reach, still sobbing inconsolably while Chifuyu’s eyes clearly went in and out of focus, staring at his friend’s body. She could see the subtle pain behind Mikey’s voidless eyes.

Mikey was absolutely going to kill him.

Her feet moved on their own, faster than she had ever done before, dodging the arms that attempted to stop her. Kaksi could feel her heart racing and her stomach turning at the sight of her ex-boyfriend’s blood being splashed onto the floor. She couldn’t understand why no one was stopping them.

Baji…

Baji had just injured himself and this fight needed to end. So she didn’t think twice, loudly screaming at them to stop before getting in between Kazutora and Toman’s leader. She faced Mikey while her ex-boyfriend was shielded by her back, even though she was slightly smaller than him and much weaker.

The look in Mikey’s eyes was one she had never seen before. She shivered, realizing in what position she had just put herself in. But Kaksi couldn’t turn back now. The fury in his eyes spoke for him and she was unsure about what would happen to her at that moment. Takemichi stood behind while Chifuyu was still focused on Baji’s cold body in his arms. He watched the scene unfold, holding his breath but thankful that the girl had been quick to act.

“Get out of my way,” Mikey told her in an icy voice.

“Mikey, ple-”

Kaksi’s eyes widened as she felt Mikey’s strong hold on her. She let out a whimper as she felt herself pushed to the side, violently falling onto the ground. Everyone surrounding them watched in shock as Mikey aimed for Kazutora again. Takemichi took a step forward but to his relief, Kaksi was standing up again.

The pain from her fall was still present but she didn’t hesitate to run over to Mikey again, this time wrapping her arms around his waist and pulling him back as hard as she could. He hit her once with his elbow and she cried out, unsure about being able to take another hit. Unfortunately, Kaksi only managed to put him off balance slightly despite being taller than Mikey and giving it all her strength.

The second hit she received had her fall back down, her hands as well as her knees covered in blood and dirt. That hurt, her breathing was heavier this time and she took a moment before standing up again. But the sight of Kazutora’s bloodied face and the sound of Mikey’s knuckles meeting bones was too much.

“Stop!” she screamed again, even louder than the first time, throwing her body in between the two boys again.

The sound of Draken’s voice calling out the girl’s name could be heard as his eyes followed Mikey’s fist but it was too late. Takemichi cried out watching her take a direct hit for Kazutora. Kaksi wanted to scream, the blunt force stronger than anything she had ever felt before but the sounds were caught in her throat as she found herself unable to breathe. She stumbled backwards. Mikey, stunned by the sight of her falling from his blow instead of Kazutora, stayed immobile.

What have I done?

Takemichi caught the girl in his arms, preventing her from hitting the ground, clearly unable to stand anymore. Horror took over Kazutora instantly as he watched her limp body, the pain probably too much for her to have withstood. He stepped forward, fury taking over him again at the sight of his unconscious darling.

Mikey didn’t move, eyes glued to her as Takemichi slapped her face gently in an attempt to wake her up. He didn’t mean to hurt her, he was aiming at Kazutora. He would never ever hit Kaksi, he thought as guilt washed over him. He would never hit a girl, and especially not this girl, his friend, or maybe more.

“You fucking asshole!” Kazutora yelled his fist connecting with Mikey’s jaw for the first time after a while.

The pain brought Toman’s leader back to his senses and it was instinctively that he blocked Kazutora’s next move. Takemichi watched once again, anger taking over him this time. They couldn’t be serious. He screamed out of frustration for Kaksi who couldn’t, Kumi who was still held back by Mitsuya and everyone surrounding them.

“What the fuck do you think Baji died for and Kaksi took that punch for?”

Kazutora’s eyes filled with tears as he looked over to his best friend’s corpse and his ex-girlfriend’s unconscious form. Mikey was about to argue but Takemichi cut him off, getting impatient now.

“He died for Toman! He died for you two, god damn it!”

Takemichi’s tears fell onto Kaksi as he gently moved her body, taking off his jacket hurriedly to put it under her head before walking over to the two boys fighting. But as the piece of clothing was folded, the charm Takemichi had kept with him fell, catching Mikey’s attention.

“Kazutora didn’t kill him!” he continued. “He killed himself because he didn’t want Kazutora to feel responsible! Because he wanted you to forgive Kazutora!”

Takemichi stopped for a moment, the sobs racking his body making it hard for him to speak.

“Everything Baji did,” he said. “He did it because he loved you guys! Why can’t you understand this?”

Kazutora found himself unable to move, too many conflicting emotions taking over him while Mikey kneeled, picking up the charm that was sent flying. He examined it carefully before asking Takemichi where he had found it. Then Mikey’s eyes widened in shock as the founding members of Toman realized who it belonged to and what it represented. He couldn’t help the tears blurring his vision at the realisation of what they had just lost and at what cost exactly. For a moment Mikey reminisced, brought back to Toman’s founding day.

“I didn’t create Toman,” he explained. “Baji did.”

Kumi, who had thought she didn’t have any more tears to cry, felt a new wave wash over her as her shattered heart ached harder. The emptiness she felt, piercing through everyone who had known Baji.

If one of us gets hurt, we’ll all protect them. I want a gang that’s all for one, and one for all.

They could all picture Baji saying those words, whether they had been there or not to witness it two years ago and at that moment everyone found that they couldn’t muffle the sounds of their pain anymore.

There was a pause that hung heavy, impregnated with tears, but where they all remained unmoving, as they considered everything that had been said.

Kumi stirred finally, wiping her tears, and turned to look at Mitsuya. He eyed her carefully, his own eyes no longer dry, and in a voice that sounded too pained to be speaking, she begged for a chance to move.

“It’s safe now, right? I’m not interfering anymore.”

Without waiting for an answer, she rose and walked over slowly to where Chifuyu still held her first crush, love, whatever she would call it. Chifuyu didn’t look up as she knelt down across from him and placed her head against Baji’s chest, her heart sinking as she couldn’t hear a heartbeat. Throat drying up, she might have deluded herself into imagining something, anything where there should be a sound, so instead she lifted her head quickly, and gently slapped him on the face.

“Wake up,” she whispered. She tapped his face again with her open palm, again trying to ignore how unnaturally cold his cheek was on contact.

She took a deep breath again, then thumped his chest again, a little harder this time. She knew very well that this was futile, and if anything she was upsetting Chifuyu even more, who had started to shake, but she was going to do this. She had to do this.

“Wake up, the fight is over and you’ll be fine. Someone called an ambulance and you need to get checked, but it’ll be okay.” She paused, and bit her lower lip.

She reached over to untie his ponytail, letting the hair tie sit on her wrist. As luck would have it, this one she recognized; he had borrowed it from her. She swallowed hard, as she ran a hand through his hair.

“Kumi, he’s-” Chifuyu started then stopped once she cut him off sharply.

“I know.”

Despite this, she still shook him.

“I forgive you for being mean, okay? We still have dates and movies to go to,” she leaned in closer to whisper in his ear, as though that was the reason why he wasn’t responding to her, not the fact that he was no longer breathing.

“I’ll learn how to make that yakisoba you like. Your mom promised to teach me before, remember? It won’t be as good but you have to promise to eat everything.”

“Kumi,” Chifuyu repeatedly her name softly, and she swallowed a sob but kept talking to the dead boy before her.

“I never gave you those chocolates I owe you, remember? You can’t die before I do that.”

As she said this, the tears she’d thought had run out just earlier seemed to replenish and she buried her face into his jacket and finally let herself weep fully, her arms around him.

“You’re so fucking mean, Baji Keisuke.”

#baji x oc #kazutora x oc #tokyorev #off target effects #collab fic #mae.writing #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers x oc #tokyo revengers imagine #tokyo revengers #longfic

[thejustmaiden]

Heyo, fellow Inuyasha fans! Happy Friday! This particular blog will serve as a collection of random thoughts I’ve been mulling over lately. Hope you’ll consider giving it a read. By the way, it’ll specifically pertain to the Sessrin ship. If that’s not something that is of interest to you, then no need to read any further. Whatever happens, I wanted to get this out before the sequel. Alrighty, let’s go! 

I’m not sure many of us realize just how much fiction sparks public dialogue and shapes culture. There have been countless studies and research done to prove it, therefore this really isn’t up for debate. What the real question here should be is have we taken the time to fully contemplate and assess just how much fictional experiences are able to change or influence our perspective on real, everyday life? The visual arts are just one of many evolutionary adaptations that serve to give us more insight into one another’s mind. If our outlook on fiction contrasts with said insight, then perhaps some re-evaluating is in order.  

Powerful works of literature such as 1984 and the beloved Harry Potter series are just two examples. George Orwell’s book contributed strongly to how readers viewed government and politics during that time, and to this day it’s a book that resonates with many. As much as Harry Potter is cherished all across the world, there are religious and academic institutions that condemn it or have even gone so far as to ban it. I may not agree with the extreme measures taken, but it’s fascinating nonetheless to witness the extent to which fiction can move and mobilize people for a cause.

The takeaway is that indicating fiction doesn’t have the power to create change in our everyday lives is misleading to say the least. So how exactly then can fictional stories that are, after all, completely made up affect society in such profound ways? It all lies in the power of the psychology of fiction. According to cognitive psychologist and novelist, Keith Oatley, who’s been researching the psychological effects of fiction for over a decade, he states that engaging with stories about other people can improve empathy and theory of mind. When we identify with these characters’ struggles, we begin to share their frustration for societal problems that plague them. These types of stories tap into our emotions more so than- believe it or not- nonfiction, and thus their effects inspire us and even have the ability to alter our worldviews. 

I’ll be returning to that specific topic a bit later, but moving on for now!

It’s safe to say that I speak on behalf of the majority of antis. That being said, I first want to add that we are aware that sessrin shippers claim to agree that there was nothing inherently romantic that took place between Rin and Sesshomaru during their travels together. The thing is we have trouble believing you guys when you time and time again provide contradictory statements to defend your stance.

Voicing things like, “all signs point to Rin” and “it’s been foreshadowed” sends the exact opposite message of what you supposedly stand for and, if anything, confirms that you’ve had romance on your mind long before it would’ve been acceptable to come out with openly. You can’t just go along with what we say when it’s convenient to your argument and then back it up later with “who else but Rin.” How can the relationship you’re imagining be so obvious if they didn’t hint at it for the whole duration of the original series like we agreed upon? Elaborate on how we could’ve possibly come to such wildly different conclusions when we started AND left off with the same views for and throughout the series. 

On top of that, making the excuse that we don’t speak for adult!Rin and that she has the right to make her own decisions once she’s old enough is a weak defense. Firstly, because we haven’t even met her. Secondly, because it’s unfair of you to assert that you know what’s best for Rin and then say we’re not allowed to just because it doesn’t align with your beliefs. I get that you feel protective over her character, but do recall that this adult version of her none of us have actually met yet. We have no idea what kind of woman she’s become, what her dreams or aspirations may be, and whether she’s married or even wants to be. I’m not against the idea of her falling in love, I just don’t think it’ll be with Sesshomaru. I guess I’m also a fan of the idea of her following in Kaede’s footsteps, because if anyone can grow up to be an independent, trusted, and wise leader of the community like her it’s Rin.

To make matters worse, way too many of you continue to celebrate the drama cd and profess that it was sweet that Sesshomaru basically promised he’d wait for Rin all while somehow ignoring the glaring grooming implications. Why do you only see what you want to see and fail to acknowledge that actual child grooming scenarios do in fact play out like this in real life? A high percentage of people who have been victims of grooming can attest to this. If Sessrin does go canon, all the sequel succeeded in doing to avoid the direct correlation with grooming was skip over the more questionable and dodgy portions of it. Take out the time jump, however, and you no longer have a loophole to cover up the scary unmistakable truth, which is that Sessrin and grooming are essentially one in the same.

No one case is identical to another so please don’t come to me with your “but how is it grooming if Sesshomaru didn’t manipulate Rin” refutes. Nobody knows what the hell went on during those years between The Final Act and this upcoming sequel. Based on everything exhibited so far- that is if we decide to recognize the drama cd like so many of you choose to do- Sessrin’s dynamic is eerily reminiscent of real life child grooming. Why else do you think a lot of us fans have a huge problem with it? It’s triggering for a reason. 

Let’s be honest, Sesshomaru’s supposed love confession could’ve just been the first of many gestures like it. Who really knows, right? According to you shippers, a major shift in their relationship took place sometime during this critical period none of us got to watch unfold. I’m sure you all have explored the various ways this would’ve gone down in fan fiction and through other creative means of expression. Not to spoil the fun, but all I can’t help but wonder about is just how many of those supposed “cute moments” would’ve been as creepy and cringey as that proposal. Hundreds of thousands (possibly millions?!) of fans would undoubtedly agree with me, too. It seems to me this ain’t due to a mere difference of opinion. Taste is one thing, ethics a whole other. 

By the way, in case you didn’t know, groomers don’t necessarily need to plan out every single move in order for their behavior to constitute as grooming. What we should be paying attention to instead is the fact that Sesshomaru made a conscious decision to act on his own selfish desire for a young girl who couldn’t have possibly known in that moment the magnitude of what he was asking of her. Why is it that a vulnerable Rin is put in a position that forces her to be the one responsible for making such a big, life-changing decision for the both of them? Yes, Sesshomaru gave her the choice and, yes, she doesn’t have to make it till later, but why on Earth is he coming to her with this well before a child her age is ready and mature enough to handle it? Even if his intentions are good (broadly speaking of course), his what you shippers probably call “innocent acts” are incidentally coercing Rin into reciprocating his feelings. Whether he planned for that or not, he’s at fault. Period. 

That’s one way the power imbalance works. A child wants nothing more than to please the adult they look up to and adore, because they’re impressionable like that. Maybe Rin processes this like she’ll want whatever he wants, so that’s what she trains herself to believe- either right then and there or over time. Plus, if you really think about it, why wouldn’t she trust him if in her eyes he’s been nothing but good to her and that’s all she’s ever really known? (Psst! Charm is integral to the manipulative nature of grooming so it’s deceiving AKA manipulation can come off as praise or flattery.) Bottom line is that Rin is too young to have to think about this kind of deep stuff at all, and Sesshomaru shouldn’t have taken advantage of the power he had/has over her to influence a decision she was by no means prepared to hear about much less decide on. Your headcanons seem to imply that she’ll eventually have to choose though, and Idk about you but I rather not push my own fantasy agenda onto a underage girl regardless of how much I want it. Idc if she’s fictional, it wouldn’t feel right so why would I want to see that? My principals couldn’t ever allow for it.   

Even if it wasn’t an official proposal, per se, it’s still disturbing to me that so many of you find joy in the thought of a grown adult male essentially waiting for a young girl HE KNEW to become old enough before pursuing her. I know this drama cd ain’t technically canon, y'all, but since this is literally the only source we have that may foreshadow a potential Sessrin to come, and it’s referenced a lot, I figured it still should be called out for exactly what it is- Grooming: 101!!!!

Just as I demonstrated above, fiction has the ability to make even the most inappropriate and uncomfortable situations be viewed in a favorable light when you put the right spin on it. *cough* Lolicon culture, need I say more? *cough* Despite what you may believe, the strategies fiction utilizes to explain themes/concepts can genuinely lead to how we perceive them, and ultimately to how we come to make sense of a similar event presented to us in real life. Especially if we have no prior experience with any of it and have nothing to compare something to, these perceptions can be dangerous yet still persuasive to certain fans- young ones in particular. The more narrative consistency across stories and different mediums, the more likely they’ll influence social beliefs. Minors don’t possess the same capacity as adults to think critically about the content they consume, and if we aren’t more careful about what we put out there then all of us will continue to face serious repercussions.

This is precisely why it’s crucial we persist in our fight against the rabid phenomenon of glorifying young girls in every sexual context imaginable. Just look at what something as seemingly harmless as fiction has the power to do. The scope of fiction is broad and far-reaching, and it’s about time we stop denying that fact and actually do something about it if we have the means to.

The truth of the matter is that we’re in desperate need of proper education and training programs on this issue in our communities. Families need to ensure their children have access to the necessary resources, but it isn’t just on them. ALL of us gotta do our part and ALL of us should be up for the task. It takes a village, right? If we do not properly discuss and address child sexual abuse (CSA) with our children and in public forums, including the internet, then we’re ultimately accepting incidents of CSA should they arise. Consequently, that also translates to indirectly accepting that the predators among us stay untreated and/or unpunished. That’s how the generational and societal aspect of the abuse can continue, and we must do everything in our power to secure our children’s future. Yes, even when it comes to fiction.

If you still somehow don’t think the Sessrin pairing has anything to do with grooming, allow me to break this down for you one more time:

1. If some of your fellow sessrin shippers say that a relationship like this in real life is harmful, then that should be pretty telling in and of itself.

2. Piggybacking off #1: if your only defense to that is “well it’s just fiction,” then you should ask yourself why you can’t ever come up with better reasons. Same goes for history and culture, so please stop using those to justify this relationship. None of the above can or should be applied since it’s already been established that fiction pervades our lives and vice versa.

3. If fellow shippers who are victims of grooming say they are drawn to Sessrin because it allows them in a way to “take back control” from their abuser so that they can better cope with past traumas, then they’re inadvertently admitting that Sessrin does possess qualities associated with the past child sexual abuse they underwent. AKA Sessrin is relatable for its abusive dynamic.

I have to ask by the way, but why do you get so offended when we don’t support your ship anyway? Is it because we interpret it to be controversial and you don’t like your ship getting a bad rap? Is it because it would be insulting to admit that antis actually have a point in it being problematic and you rather double down instead? Or is it because you’re projecting yourself onto Rin and prefer to not go into detail about why that is? Maybe it’s too personal, or maybe it’s because deep down you’re ashamed. Of course that doesn’t mean you’re bad people, but suppressing these kind of negative emotions can’t be healthy for anyone. A little awareness and self-reflection on your part can benefit not just you but all of us in the long run. Cognitive dissonance can suck, but it’s also part of being human. 

I recently came across a comment I’d like to share with you. Unfortunately, this is not the first time nor will it be the last I see the likes of it. Anyway, in it a fan stated how embarrassing it must be being an Anti in this fandom when an episode like “Forever with Lord Sesshomaru” exists. Guys, this shipper and all those who liked their post are showing their true colors. Perpetuating and/or anticipating these sexualized images of young girls is a grave issue in both our society and media alike. I think we can all agree on that, or at least I hope so. It’s remarks like these that prove we still got a long way to go in terms of progress, and if we ever hope to effectively reverse some of our backwards way of thinking. So serious question for ya in regard to this: Why is it too much to ask that grooming be portrayed for what it is? Grooming. To clarify, grooming is bad and needs to be painted in a bad light. It’s as simple as that. If only we could all acknowledge it for what it is, we wouldn’t be in this predicament. 

Historical accuracy and cultural differences aside, it appears the crux of the matter between Sessrin shippers and Antis is our acceptance and/or denial of fiction’s influence on real life. If we can’t agree on this, then we’ll never agree on anything else. As mentioned earlier, there is more than enough evidence to support the idea that fiction impacts our lives in extraordinary ways. I, for one, believe in the transformative power of stories. I think they do more for us than many of us give them credit for and/or are inclined to admit. 

This is partially why I believe that the majority of sessrin folk are missing the point most of the time. All they do is focus on insignificant and irrelevant information that accomplishes nothing but more gaslighting and strawmanning. Whether it be an intentional or unconscious decision, whatever we argue goes right over their head. All they do is throw around deflections and antagonizing remarks that serve no real purpose other than to make Antis out to be the unreasonable and irrational ones. Making connections between our own lives and our stories is a completely natural and normal occurrence. If those particular shippers insist on denying just how interconnected real life and fiction both are, what that tells me is they’re either out of touch with reality or deliberately choose to be.

Just to be clear, I am of the opinion that most if not all antis aren’t real life predators. If they say they aren’t, I honestly take their word for it. Speaking to Sessrin shipper directly: We know it’s not Sesshomaru you want to be but Rin. No, we’re not calling you pedophiles or groomers. None of us think you are using a fictional ship to attract underage fans to be the Rin in your life or anything of the sort. We are well aware that many of you are self-inserting yourself as Rin, so please don’t feel the need to tell us yourself because that would be stating the obvious.

I learned from a few of you since this sequel was announced that the Sessrin relationship isn’t just a ship but an opportunity for you to confront the person who used and abused you. So there’s two issues with this I’d like to raise. (Sorry if I’m repeating myself, but it’s urgent I stress this again!) This is what I have to say:

If fiction does not affect real life or have the ability to normalize anything as you claim to believe, then why does “fixing” what happened to you via your preferred choice of coping associated with these two characters in the first place? Why bring your past abuse into this at all if at the end of the day it’s “just fiction” and nothing more to you but a source of entertainment?

By confessing that you use Sessrin to cope with your past trauma, you therein reveal that Sessrin does in fact resemble an adult-child relationship with a grooming dynamic. So why then would you want other fans to be exposed to a pairing that brings to mind the very abuse you endured? We’re supposed to stop this toxic cycle- NOT find more ways to manifest and relive it, much less subject other fans to it. 

You may think that Sessrin doesn’t fit the textbook definition of what child grooming is, but that’s not to say it doesn’t embody it or that it doesn’t at the very least have traces of it that stand out. 

“Antis are miserable people who don’t know how to enjoy a good story. It’s just fiction, stop ruining it for other fans!”

Well, no, it’s not just fiction or just a story. Some of you evidently went and proved that yourself, and without my help, by revealing how you relate Sessrin to your own life and apply it to cope with past abuse. Past abuse or not, as far as I can tell we’re all equally invested in these characters. That speaks volumes and just goes to show that fiction touches our lives in long-lasting ways.

I have something I want to say concerning some of who believe that it’s inconsiderate of antis who have been victims of grooming or another form of child abuse to tell other victims who ship Sessrin how they should cope with their trauma. Now as much as I respect the various means victims discover to deal with their painful pasts, there’s always an appropriate time and a place for these things to occur. We must seek out better ways to safely cope with the abuse we lived through (if any) without running the risk of hurting and endangering others. 

There are plenty of fans in other fandoms who don’t try to defend their ships going canon, because they’re able to recognize an unhealthy or toxic pairing when they see one and won’t try to justify it. A Sessrin romance simply does not belong on a show geared towards teens, and I really don’t need to go into detail about why we shouldn’t support it, at least canon-wise. Shipping Sessrin is your right, but if you don’t keep it to yourself and your corner of the fandom then you really shouldn’t be surprised by the opposition. All we ask is you respect that their specific dynamic falls under the category of child grooming (or very close) and should be treated as such in public. The world of fiction may be wider than the world we live in, but that doesn’t always mean “anything goes.” In the creative spaces our minds occupy we must still adhere to the same fundamental and moral guidelines we live by in life. There’s nothing wrong with exploring new terrains and experimenting with ideas, but we must also remember that our stories are all about communicating and connecting with people. So let’s please be more mindful of the sort of messages they’re sending. 

Besides, this isn’t only about you and what makes you feel safe, it’s about all of us. I don’t know how much more I can stress that really. How can thoughts endanger our children, you ask? Well, it’s not like we’re suggesting that our thoughts can jump out of our tvs, materialize themselves, and place kids under mind control. The forces behind fiction are a lot more complex and nuanced than a “monkey see, monkey do” approach, so don’t waste any more time trying to  describe that to us. You’re taking this argument in the wrong direction. 

Take the “violent video games breed killers” theory. I’m afraid you’re misconstruing what we’re saying and then taking it quite too literally. Please stop twisting our words, because nobody on our side is saying that just because you play violent video games that you’ll become a violent person. The Sessrin equivalent of that would be if you ship them then you must be a pedophile or turning into one. *sigh* I know you guys are feeling attacked, but I’m afraid your defensive nature is keeping you from thinking straight. Clearly, there are always exceptions (I’d recommend reading up on the Slender Man case), but Antis aren’t saying you’re one of them.

You see, it’s not so much about the content as it is the notion of the content. Kids and teens who are playing these video games have been informed that killing is wrong, because they grew up learning that early on like the rest of us. No sane person would advocate for violence and nonsensical killing in real life. Since they fully understand the severity of the consequences of killing a person in real life, they are able make a clear distinction between the two. When it comes to killing there is hardly any ambiguity. Sadly, that is far from the truth when it comes to sexualizing girls. It should immediately be perceived as wrong leaving no room for interpretation, and yet here we are still putting up with these inaccurate and demeaning female representations.

Most children who have been groomed don’t realize it till years down the road. If they aren’t ever taught the telltale signs to properly labeling grooming situations, how do you expect them to make sense of and relate to a fictional version? Let’s think of about it from a child’s perspective. Yes, this includes teens who rely pretty heavily on adult guidance and the content we put out there for them. Put yourself in their shoes for a moment and picture that you’ve never had child grooming explained to you (because that’s just the reality for so many unfortunately). Wouldn’t you say it’s possible for them to deduce that what they see on their screens is how they come to discern something in real life, especially if they have little to no experience with it? Perceived realism is plausible, y'all.

What it comes down to in the end is that the ideas and emotions we cultivate behind these stories leave an impression on others. Impressions are capable of influencing the way we see the world, which in turn affects us and beyond just our imagination. The way I look at it, stories contribute to how and why we normalize certain beliefs and trends. If fiction reflects real life like most of us tend to agree, then wouldn’t you say Sessrin is a (in)direct result of this world’s tendency to place young girls in overly sexual or romantic environments? Where do you think fiction draws its inspiration from? Sure, some of it originates from our imagination, but most of what drives us to create these stories is the real world and the people who live in it.

Fiction is meant to mirror reality, but it’s ridiculous to suggest that it’s only a one-way street. That fiction in no way, shape, or form influences our reality? Or that it only works the other way around? With all due respect, that’s simply not true. No productive discourse can be had if we choose to ignore the truth and don’t come together (at least halfway) to tackle the real issues at hand. 

Okay, I think I’ll leave it off there! Thanks so much for reading. I expect this to be my last blog on any topic regarding Inuyasha in the near future. As much as I’ve looked forward to answering all of your asks and writing all the blogs I have over these past almost 5 months, I think it’s best if I spend some time away for now. With the sequel fast approaching, I’m doing what I always do: hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. I’ve met some amazing people along the way, that’s for sure. And who knows, maybe you’ll see me active in the tags sooner than we think. Until then, it’s been an absolute pleasure! Enjoy the sequel, all of you. 💜

#inuyasha #hanyo no yashahime #anti sessrin #it's been real y'all #catch ya on the flipside #(which I hope is in a promising sequel 🤞)

[dragonologist-in-the-making]

I Know You

Title: I Know You

 Request: Hi could you do remus x reader where they're dating and after a while he decides to tell her about his furry little problem and the boys insist to be there when he does it in case she doesn't take it well and the 4 of them come up to her all serious and when rem tells what the whole thing is about she just laughs cause she kind of knew already? Sorry if its confusing english isn't my first language😅

 A/N: I love this idea so much! And thank you for being my first ever request *cue the confetti*. Sorry I deviated from the request a little, I made it more that the boys were pushing him to tell her and he asked them to be there just in case rather than the other way around, but all the same I really hope I did this justice xx

 Requests are still open!

 Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: None, a make-out session and flufffff.

 “Rem, are you okay?” You asked, palm to his cheek looking at his slightly worn face. “You seem very agitated and fidgety today, is there anything I can do to help?” He smiled down at you, but it wasn’t the smile your boyfriend normally gave you, the one which reached his eyes and tugged his lips just a fraction more than he gave to anyone else. This was just a twitch at the corner of his mouth, a flash of teeth but nothing that lasted, nothing that radiated through him like the sunshine he usually showed you. This smile was a lie.

 “I’m just fine (y/n), there’s no need to worry. Just worried about James is all, he’s still incessantly pining over Evans and I’m worried he’ll get hurt.” He reassured you, patting the top of your head and moving his hand down to lace your fingers together, pulling you towards the Transfiguration class you had next. You giggled at his words, thinking of James’ daily attempts to woo Lily Evans, your dormmate who wouldn’t stop talking about the boy who was infatuated with her. But that wasn’t your secret to tell, and you knew that wasn’t what was bothering Remus. James had been after Lily for years, and as far as you knew nothing had changed to make Remus worry about James and his heart. You sneaked a side glance over at him, picking at the hem of his jumper and constantly readjusting the strap of his bag as you walked along. He was shy, yes, and he liked to distract himself from anyone whose glance may have strayed his way, but this was more than that. As you walked into the classroom he let go of your hand as he went to sit with the boys, who waved at you kindly, and you went to sit next to Lily, kicking James out of your seat as you did so.

 No, this was different. And you thought you knew what it was.

…

 “Are you ever going to tell her?” Sirius asked Remus as they sat in their dorm. It was much later now, and you had gone to study with Alice for an ancient runes test, leaving Remus and the other Marauders to sit in their respective beds and talk about something Remus would rather avoid. “The next full moon is tomorrow and you’ve been together for a while now, friends even longer. Surely she’ll notice the pattern soon?”

 “Funnily enough I do know when the full moon is, thanks.” Remus snapped irritably, running a hand through his hair and sitting on the edge of his bed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that. I just, I always get more frustrated around this time and having to hide it when I’m with her makes it that much worse when I’m not. I want to tell her, I do, I love her and I want to be with her for the rest of our lives. But what happens if I tell her and she leaves?” He asked, voice much quieter than it had been before. “I can’t let that happen.” By now his voice was barely above a whisper.

 James walked over, putting a comforting hand on the boy’s shoulder as he took a seat next to him. “Mate, I know it’s scary but if you want this relationship to carry on you have to tell her. You can’t hide it forever, she’s going to notice when you’re married and you go missing once a month. She’ll think you’re having an affair.”

 Remus laughed at this, shaking his head softly. “She’d think worse, she knows I could never have eyes for anyone else. She’d probably think I’d been put under a curse and get herself in trouble.” He rolled his eyes, shoulders sagging slightly as he remembered why they were having this conversation.

 “Look, if she takes it badly – which I don’t think she will – do you trust her still to not tell anybody about your furry little problem?” Sirius asked, sitting on the bed opposite with Peter by his side.

 “Absolutely. I don’t think she would ever hurt me like that, even if she didn’t want to be with me. She shouldn’t be with me, maybe I should just break up with her.” He yelped in pain as James smacked him on the back of his head, sharply.

 “None of that. You can’t just break it off because you’re scared of an unknown.” He reasoned. “She loves you, we can all see that. She’ll be glad you’ve let her in to this part of your life.”

 “Okay, but I think I need your help, just in case it goes badly. If she doesn’t want to see me anymore, or if she gets too scared, I don’t want her to think she’s alone with me”.

 …

 Giggling about some story Alice was telling you about Frank, you both climbed through the portrait hole after giving the Fat Lady the password. Starting to head towards the staircase to the girls dorms, a small cough made you turn around to see your boyfriend waiting hesitantly, sitting on one of the steps towards the boys rooms, a nervous smile twitching.

 “Um, do you mind if we talk?” He asked, standing up and pulling the hem of his sweater over his hand, shifting his weight nervously from foot to foot. You nodded, turning to Alice to say your goodbyes, and she took your books from you to drop at your bed, since hers was only a few metres from yours. You bounced down the stairs to meet Remus, intertwining your hands as soon as you reached him and pressing a light kiss to his cheek, hoping to calm him down from his agitated state.

 “What’s up?” You asked, looking into his chocolatey eyes, which quickly shifted away from you.

 “I’d rather we not talk here, I wouldn’t want people to overhear.” He mumbled, pulling you up the stairs and towards his dorm. Once you were there, you made your way over to his bed, where you sat, your hands still intertwined in his lap. He glanced at them, and at your close proximity and hastily dropped your hands from his grip, shuffling away to put some space in between the two of you. At this, your eyebrows furrowed in worry, and you looked at your boyfriend who was doing everything he could to avoid your gaze. You were so worried about what he had to tell you that you missed the scuffle which came from the other side of the room. “I, Merlin, I don’t know how to say this. I’ve never really done this before.” Remus started to ramble, still looking anywhere but at you, and you felt your eyes start to pool with water as you suspected what was coming.

 “R-Remus,” you stuttered, catching his attention as he finally turned to look at you. “Please tell me whatever it is you’re going to say. I can take it, whatever it is.” Exhaling, you squared your shoulders, preparing to take a hit, to hear the worst, but determined not to show him how much that would hurt you.

 “I’m a werewolf, (y/n).” He blurted out, eyes widening that it was finally in the open. The tension flooded out of you, your heart pounding as you let out a giggle, unable to stop yourself. “Why are you laughing?” He asked, confused.

 “That’s it?” You clarified, suddenly realising his confession might have simply been a motive, a reason to break things off like you’d dreaded. “That’s all you had to say to me?” The look on his face turned from perplexed to straight up bewilderment.

 “What do you mean, ‘that’s it’?” He asked, the slightest hint of exasperation sneaking into his tone. “I tell you that I turn into a monster every month and that’s it?”

 “That’s it when I already knew.” Your laughter subsided as you moved closer to him again, resting your hand on top of his. “Merlin Remus, I thought you were about to break up with me.”

 “I would never – you knew?!” Remus’ dismissive statement of your worries quickly broke off as he shouted into the empty air, and seeing the look on his face you couldn’t hep but laugh again, which brought a small smile of his own to his face, seeing that you knew and so far didn’t seem to be running for the hills screaming.

 “It wasn’t exactly hard to figure out, Moony.” You nudged him with your shoulder, making him laugh a little too. “I mean it’s not difficult to put the dots together, what with your nickname, the way I can tell things affect you more in the lead up to the full moon, your disappearance the night of and the fact that you’re run down for days afterwards. Really, I had suspicions for a long time, but I knew I was right when we started dating.” He uncomfortably shifted away from you, still looking confused and guilt shadowed his bright eyes.

 “If you’ve known all this time, why didn’t you say anything? Why did you stay? I could hurt you (y/n), does that not scare you? It should scare you, it bloody terrifies me.” His voice was rising slightly, getting hysterical as he wound himself up in his fears. For the third time, you moved closer to him, settling one of your hands on his shoulder and using the other to direct his face towards you, ensuring that he was looking at you as you spoke to him gently.

 “I never told you that I knew because it was your secret, and I knew you would be ready to share it with me in your own time, and I never wanted to take that away from you.” Your words filled the air, your voice laced with honey and Remus was visibly relaxing with every word, pulling you onto his lap as you continued to speak. “As for hurting me, you would never. I trust you completely, and even if you don’t trust your wolf self I know you trust your boys, that’s why they go with you. I’d like to think they approve of me enough that they wouldn’t let you hurt me. But they’d never have to. And you’re not a monster, you could never be a monster. You’re the most caring, the most loving soul I’ve ever known, Remus Lupin. I’ve looked into your soul and all I’ve seen is beauty, all I’ve seen is the person that I love more than anything in the world.” You finished, barely above a whisper as your faces were inches apart.

 His breath hitched for a second, arms tightening around your waist as his eyes flicked down to your lips, and yours slid closed. His warm, soft lips touched yours, moving together slowly, reveling in your love for one another, in all your secrets being open. A squeal from you filled the air as he flipped you and threw you lying onto the bed, crawling over you and attaching his lips to your neck, working his way down to your collar and whispering sweet nothings to you in between.

 A loud noise came from the corner of the room, and you looked over to see three boys materialize out of nowhere. “Merlin Moony, did you forget you asked us here?” James cried, a look of disgust painting his face as Remus made no effort to stop, merely grabbing a handful of the curtain and pulling it across, obscuring the boys from view. “Well, I guess this is our cue to leave them.”

#harry potter #harry potter fic #remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #remus x reader #request #remus lupin fic #remus lupin fluff #remus fluff #moony x reader #reader insert

[sou-ver-2-0]

Alice and pain

10) How they deal with pain – Alice

Delighted to get an ask for our king Alice!! I’ll answer the second part of your question here, Anon.

For this question, I’d like to examine Alice’s characterization before and after losing Reko. Ironically, when we meet Alice, he has one of the healthiest attitudes towards dealing with pain. Even though he is a suffering prisoner, he doesn’t repress his feelings like other characters do. He is open and earnest. However, Reko’s death breaks Alice’s spirit like nothing else ever has. Losing his beloved sister means that he no longer sees a path forward, and he becomes desperate and vengeful. I view Alice as someone who began the Death Game with healthy priorities, but that falls apart if he loses the person he loved most.

Before losing Reko

As we get to know Alice, we see how he suffers from the guilt of murdering someone. He knows that his actions harmed people, including the people he loved most. However, even though it is clearly difficult for him, Alice demonstrates an earnest desire to atone for his crime. This is what he says when Sara asks him if he wants to repair his relationship with Reko:

“...I am... / ...not a person who asks selfish things. / I intended to atone for my crime...! For the victim's family!! And for my own...!! / If only it weren't for this Death Game...!! / There's... not enough time left to do this in the proper order... / So just once before I die, I... / I want to apologize to Reko... / ... / Sara Chidouin. / Thank you. I will give her the bongos.”

Alice wants to walk the path of redemption. He wants to change himself for the better. He’s proactive in asking Sara for help with this. He knows that this path won’t be easy, but he is still determined. Even when Fake Reko breaks the bongos, I don’t believe that Alice completely gives up hope. He was already preparing himself for that kind of heartbreak. When Alice insists that he isn’t selfish, he means it. Doing the right thing is more important to Alice than his own life. So as long as he can still help Reko from the sidelines, that’s reason enough for him to keep going.

Alice’s earnestness makes him one of the game’s most easily likable characters! In spite of his scary appearance, simply talking to him makes it clear that he is a sincere person with a good heart. He puts his own pain in perspective by acknowledging that he harmed others, and his first priority is to try undoing some of that harm before he dies.

This puts Alice in direct contrast with Keiji, one of the game’s most complicated characters. When Sara talks to Keiji about his murder, this is what he has to say:

“...I'm a killer. / Not even permitted... to be judged by the law... / ...A true piece of shit, burdened with my sin for life.”

“Well... so that's the kind of guy I am...”

“Sara, your friendly policeman... / Can't even trust himself. / Not ever... since that day.”

“...Sure ran my mouth there. / Truth is... maybe you're better off not trusting me after all... huh.”

Keiji exhibits the opposite attitude of Alice. Instead of saying that he wants to change himself, he doubles down on “that’s the kind of guy I am.” He dwells on his own pain instead of thinking about how he can still help others. He feels hopeless about the state of his conscience. That’s why he admits to Sara that he can’t even trust himself. Would Keiji prioritize doing the right thing above his own self-preservation? Keiji clearly thinks he wouldn’t, and he’s too ashamed to try to change himself.

Alice is different. That’s why Alice votes for Shin instead of Kanna. No matter how much Alice is suffering, he can put that pain in perspective, and he’ll try to prioritize helping other people who need him to step up.

After losing Reko

Unfortunately, Alice loses hope for a future in the aftermath of Reko’s death. This is how Sara describes Alice when she watches him leave Reko’s body:

“Those were… eyes of revenge. / Revenge against our enemy who plotted the Death Game. / Anger and hate… Those made the only path that would move Alice now.”

Alice sounds completely jaded after losing his sister:

“So why would you help each other? Why try to be kind… / ………. / …Reko was the same. / If she’d thought only for herself a little more, maybe she wouldn’t have had to die like that…”

In contrast, when Reko loses Alice, she still manages to comfort those around her. Reko holds Gin and tells him that he has nothing to apologize for. She is still trying to be kind, in spite of her grief.

Of course, the most dramatic difference between Alice and Reko after losing their sibling is that Reko refuses Safalin’s forgetfulness machine, while Alice accepts it. He decides that he will forget those heartbreaking memories of Reko, because the pain has become too heavy to bear.

I don’t want to say that Alice is “weaker” than Reko for choosing to use Safalin’s machine. Alice had already suffered so much up to that point. He lived in prison for years. He never received forgiveness from his sister. I don’t know if I could say “no” to Safalin if I were in his shoes.

Alice and Reko were coming from different positions, and Alice’s position was harder. I’m certainly not saying that Reko had it easy! But I think Reko had already done soul-searching which better prepared her for this loss. Reko took a hard look at herself after Alice went to jail, and she could no longer rely on her responsible older brother to clean up after her messes. She became a kinder person, and I want to believe that she was proud of the person she became. I think Reko would take more pride in her kindness than her talents. This allowed her to maintain healthy priorities after suffering another loss.

But I don’t think Alice has a high self-esteem, in spite of his arrogant demeanor. Alice is someone who grew up in the shadow of his talented prodigy sister. He always knew that she was the special one. Alice simply tried to support Reko as she smashed through bands and became “the industry’s problem child.” That was honorable of him, but it sounds like he never took the opportunity to consider his own dreams or self-worth. His sister always came first.

The Alice-Reko dynamic parallels the Shin-Kanna dynamic, and the way these older brothers and younger sisters each perceive their own worthiness is telling. For the older brothers, the worthiness of their younger sisters is self-evident. To Alice, Reko is a shining star, a beacon of musical talent. But Alice only measures his own worth by his ability to support his talented sister. Meanwhile, Reko learns to judge people for their kindness and humanity, so she believes in both her own and her brother’s worth. In contrast, Kanna makes a logical appeal that Shin has worth because of his talent with computers, while Shin would say that Kanna is worthier than him because Kanna is kind.

In both cases, the older brother’s sense of self-worth is dependent on their ability to protect their younger sister. If they fail, what do they have to live for? That’s why the Alice and Shin routes feel darker than the Reko and Kanna routes. The older brothers cannot handle the pain of losing their own sense of worth, and so they cannot see a path forward. Instead, they swear revenge.

#yttd #your turn to die #kimi ga shine #alice yabusame #meta #mine #your turn to die spoilers #yabusame siblings #reko yabusame #asks

[0poole]

Soul

Breaking news, everyone: Pixar made another slapper.

I’m gonna get it out of the way first, but the only (and yes, only. Not like someone trying to say “only” even though they have many more nitpicks that they just don’t want to talk about) problem I had at all was that the super high realism of the settings of Earth kind of made the more cartoony faces of the people look a little more off. But, it’s kinda like the same thing people were talking about with that cat in Toy Story 4. It looks super real, which is impressive, but I feel like it was almost too real compared to the faces. Obviously it was too real compared to the supernatural settings because that was intentional, but yeah. It’s not even a big problem, it’s just the only one I can think of. I do think the realistic renderings of hair, light, water, etc at least work with cartoony stuff, but apart from that it looked almost like it could’ve been a photograph, with no exaggeration in the buildings or anything else.

I mean, I love the faces, so I definitely wish they went the extra mile showing extra personality and character in the buildings, as faces do with characters. Considering the faces matter like a bazillion times more, I still think they knocked it out of the park on the visuals. People with more investment and knowledge into the topic already said that the faces of any of the people of color felt cartoony and unique while also being true to life and respectful (My family recently stumbled onto some old animations from the 30s and lemme tell ya... We’ve come a long way), but seriously the characters that sold me on the visuals were the Picasso-esque beings who may or may not be the Gods of the universe maybe?

Spoiler boundary of course. It’s definitely worth a watch.

And that’s honestly what made the realistic world so much better. When the accountant guy went into the real world to set the count right, it was one of the most fun I’ve had just watching something. The sheer contrast between him and the world was so much fun, and it even solidified that those beings weren’t even acting in a different dimension or anything. They’re literally just beings that exist, meaning that all the other parts with the unborn souls and such are just as real as Earth. Or, even better, they’re the ones who can just casually rip a hole in dimensions. As far as depictions of Gods go, if they are even Gods at all, I think they’re one of the best I’ve ever seen. They feel like they could actually be how Gods actually exist, since all the commonalities of Gods involve supernatural power, which would suggest they’re supernatural themselves. I mean, I have a story with Gods in it too and they’re basically just that although admittedly a lot less imaginative.

With those guys being my favorite design, second place definitely goes to the lost souls, although obviously for more subjective reasons. 1) They’re purple, 2) They have one eye, 3) That eye is yellow which I always think is the best compliment to purple, 4) Tentacles, 5) Creepy in a kid’s movie. Franky, I would’ve made them a lot creepier, but even then they’re super creepy, if not visually then in their behavior. They’d just be kind of sad if they were just mumbling around, but since the first introduction to them starts charging at the main characters like a deranged monster. Considering how weird everything in that dimension is, finding something that isn’t nearly as innocent as everything else instantly invokes fear, since you have no idea what that thing can and wants to do to you. Sort of similar, I would’ve also made the “In the Zone” moments a bit more crazy and colorful, like when Joe fell through the void between the road to the Great Beyond and the You-seminar (is that how it’s spelled?), but these “I would do it differently”s might just be a fault of my design ideas or just subjective interests. I would’ve watched 2 hours of pure, nonsensical abstract worlds like the You-seminar with no explanation to how they work.

I definitely have a relief with the story, mostly entirely revolving around 22′s character. I was kind of worried she’d be too childish to really enjoy, but I feel like she was done really well. All the major historical figures’ remarks on how hopeless she were both funny and also really tied into her character “flaw” at the end as she was a lost soul. It might not be the most unique character archetype of all time, but it definitely makes sense, with all the people bringing her down implanting in her mind that she was an anomaly, and after a while was just sort of following it. Plus, she seemed genuinely interested in Joe’s weirdness, instead of being super mindlessly irreverent. And her being able to expand Joe’s understanding about his own world, like with the barber and his student, brings her up as more than a whiny, bratty child in the scope of the story. She didn’t JUST learn.

Even though I kind of expected it from the get-go, I’m also relieved that the movie didn’t shy away as much with the dark elements of death. It was kind of suggested that this wasn’t going to be a perfectly casual romp through a magical afterlife like Inside Out was with the mind because of the unborn souls unabashedly saying “Hell” in the TRAILER of the movie. I feel like that alone made the story super interesting, because it shows they’re actually going to be a bit more serious with things instead of just simplifying the unknowable complexities of the before & afterlife. Even with the dead souls going into the Great Beyond, it was a mix of being weirdly peaceful for some and super scary for others. My family thought it was peaceful for the most part, but my mom specifically though it was terrifying, and even though it’s a lot more peaceful than almost all other depictions of death, I can’t blame her. The souls were just kinda accepting it, like they’d been brainwashed or something, but still acknowledged that they were dead and were going into the afterlife. Plus, Joe, being the main character who we are supposed to sort of reflect in a way, was super freaked out by it, so that could easily suggest it’s to be afraid of and the other people are the weird ones.

I think the true message of the story being so strange was better too, because it would’ve been so boring if it fell into a super basic message we’ve heard millions of times. I feel like it has a similar sentiment to the basic messages, but is at least a more interesting way of saying it, if it is even like that in the first place, because it’s also somewhat vague in a good way. I think my brother/mother misinterpreted and simplified things a bit too much, where they thought it was sort of like a happier way of saying “accept your lot in life and don’t change it.” I could probably go on a full other rant about why I think this is wrong, but part of it is I don’t really know how they came to this conclusion in the first place, considering with that scene with that guy who threw the computers off his desk as his lost soul was cured (I guess you could call it that?), who obviously realized he wasn’t okay with his lot in life and was destined to change it. I think they sort of misinterpreted “the spark” and other things it as a 100% for-real, this-is-how-the-real-world-works sort of way, and not as much as a fictional way of saying things. Not necessarily symbolic, but I guess symbolic also? It has some of the same weird logical problems as the Cutie Marks from My Little Pony, except they’re obviously better since Cutie Marks determine your life down to your very job some of the time, while “sparks” are more vague and seemingly up to you. They’re more like when an unborn soul realizes there’s something on Earth they want to figure out, not necessarily their hobbies or jobs. For example, they kind of cited the barber character as the one who supported their point, but I think he does the complete opposite. He wanted to be a vet, but he ended up being a barber. But, they sort of assumed his “spark” was to be a barber, and that his personal interests didn’t matter because the “spark” forced him into a less favorable job. But, in reality, I feel like his “spark” is more his interest in love for the people around him, which is why he decided to get a more practical job to support his daughter (wife? one of the two) when he really needed to. Plus, he still enjoys being a barber because his devotion to love lets him connect to people as he cuts their hair. After all, he seems to be succeeding in his goal, since Joe was just like “Hey, let’s go see this guy he’s the exact guy we need!” People who don’t show love and interest for others don’t make that kind of impression in people’s minds. I feel like if we knew each story of everyone’s life down to the last detail we could fully determine what the mechanics of the world and its people are meant to say from a fictional context, but with such a limited selection I don’t think you can say something so sure. Sure, every choice in a movie is made specifically for a purpose, but I feel like if a movie tries to hard to be like “Oh but don’t worry here’s an exception” a million times it gets bogged down by its own attempt to make the message as obvious as possible.

Anyway...

There are also a lot of neat little details I loved, like how even though they did this for basically no other point in the movie, they made sure to include people from all around the world in that mess of dead souls, firmly sort of putting in the idea that the entire globe is in a sense one single entity that leads to the same place. They could’ve so easily just made everyone speak English for that throwaway scene, but I feel like including people from all around the world was very beneficial. Even the EXTRA little things, like the path to the Great Beyond looking like the neck portion of a guitar with the metal bits that separate the notes, or the facial features of the Gods blurring when they turned their heads in the other direction.

But yeah, who would’ve guessed Pixar made another good movie, right? Even then, Soul’s in the upper echelon of Pixar films. I really hope they (and Disney) realize they can go bonkers with a movie and still benefit/survive from it, since they’re so damn rich and inherently profitable. I think AAA animated movies like this that are the perfect amount of artsy are few and far between, and we need more of them. If anything, I hope they get more artsy, but I guess I’ll still never say no to a fun fantastical romp either. Basically, Pixar has looped me into watching any and everything they produce because it’s never “bad” I think. In the grand scheme of quality, even their worst work (Cars 2) is still not “terrible,” per se, even if it feels like it exists more as a cash grab than a genuine tale.

#soul #pixar #christmas #disney plus #disney+ #poole #opinions #rant #rambling #review #thoughts

[colitisandme]

Self care, don’t care.
Before I start this blog post, I want to say last month was probably one of the most exciting months of my life as I became a finalist at the Wego health awards 2021 for Rookie of the year category. I could not and still cannot believe that my blog, Social media page and general posts resonated so strongly with you lovely lot and is recognised so highly by Patient leaders across the world. So thank you. That night and the excitement I felt throughout the whole of the month is something I will never forget. I love you all. 😊
So, the reason that I have not posted a full blog for a few months is … well honestly like I have felt like over cooked spaghetti. You know when pasta is cooked to long, and it all gets sort of mushy and stuck together, people avoid it, make appreciative noises when you bring a plate of it out, and when your back is turned, they stuff it behind some sort of pot plant or when it becomes so claggy you could use it as some kind of DIY alternative for tile glue. Well yeah, like that. I think the thing that started it was the realisation that I would have to go out into the world after lock down – back to work, seeing people, whilst still trying to stay safe and well and not feel like wallpaper paste. It was also the scary realisation of how Phyllis has very much become a permanent fixture in my life and how my mobility and general staying ‘uprightness’ has got worse in a year. Suddenly the safe cocoon I had built for myself, and my husband was obliterated. I suddenly became very wary of others, especially large groups of people with faces. The walk that I could complete which would take me to the bus stop a year ago became this game of Russian roulette to see how impossible it would be to carry myself, a bag on wheels and walk in a straight line on a 60mph road with no pavement, and I was pretty sure there was a higher than likely chance, if I fell over, I would get rolled on by a vehicle or 6 coming in the opposite direction and I would spend the rest of my life in 2D. Pre fibro, I used to be able to hop in a ditch with care free abandonment, waving merrily to all the passengers in the cars going past, letting the cars whizz past me in the knowledge that I was safe and sound (albeit muddy) but oh Mama those days are long gone. Since Fibro makes me feel like my legs are tied together with bungee cords and my reflexes are not up to par, hopping anywhere would require me to be lifted up on a trampoline by a team of 4, said team pressing me up and down in unison in some kind of bouncy motion, then hoisted up by winch, until a team of workers could create some kind of solid landing platform for me to land on. However I fear the reality of me trying to leap out of the way as a car comes screaming towards me, would cause me to losing my footing and end up arse over face, in a ditch covered by twigs, moss, grass and last nights remnants of KFC, then trying to scrabble out of said ditch, swearing, removing, chicken wrappers out of my hair, apologising to the squirrel I have just rolled on. All whilst some twat face leaned out of a car window, absolutely wetting themselves at the sight of this mad Stig of the dump like creature covered in mud and tears, stopping only to take a video of me for their social media page. Then once I had managed to dig my way out of said ditch and on two feet, I would have to drag my poor bruised, hair straggled self to a bus stop filled with suspicious people all wondering why I look so dirty and smell of chicken and suddenly have 3000 views on you tube. That thought is stressful. All those tasks I didn’t have to worry about whilst safe in my little bubble, became now something extra to worry about and I have to admit I have not coped with the change very well. As well as that my darling husband, (yes we still like each other after a year of us both working from home) suddenly started a new job, a better more shiny job, and I didn’t see him as much. I missed him, in fact I still miss him. I lost my lockdown buddy and suddenly the world became much more difficult to navigate with chronic illness, and I retreated into my shell like a sad turtle, not sure how to re-integrate myself back into society. 
I know I have not been alone in my thoughts. I met up with one of my darling friends a few weeks ago, and she confessed she had been struggling over lockdown. Her feelings very much echoed my own, except I felt all the things she was feeling now the world was opening up again and so I wondered why? Why now when we have the choice to go out more and explore and be free, dance in the sunflowers with our hair blowing in the wind, why now am I feeling like the feeling of going out fills me with dread and anxiety? I think it’s the feeling of losing control. In my bubble, I had complete control of my own actions. For one whole year, I went out about 6 times throughout the pandemic. I created this lovely, safe, nest for myself and my husband. It was comforting and familiar. Now I feel like I have lost that. I have returned to the office where I work, I know because I am alone in my house I need to do things to upkeep my own mental health and now feel like I have to go out. Its this horrible catch 22 situation where I feel nervous leaving the house but then sad if I stay inside. There’s no safe space for me anymore, plus I had to fully confront head on the effects of fibro and the chronic fatigue syndrome a year on.. One person asked me ‘ So, why were you able to do….. and not able to now?’ and my answer was ‘BECAUSE ITS BEEN A YEAR SINCE I HAD TO AND PHYLLIS IS NOT HAPPY WITH THE NEW ARRANGEMENTS’ followed by ‘Please by all means if you have any grievances, take it up with her I am sure she would be delighted to answer any complaints you have to why I am suddenly not able to walk without looking slightly drunk/ lob sided, speak without repeating myself, and losing the words for toast but be please be aware she likes to swear and bite’ …. and that’s why I feel like over stretched cheese. 
So I have had to regroup…. and quite honestly, I am not there yet. It is hard. I am falling into a rut where I am struggling to leave the house or get out of a very stale routine. I have become reliant on my ‘comfort things’ to help me get me through my rough days…. An abundance of tea, MasterChef Australia, MKR, Disney and pyjamas (whilst at home) and I feel like I have lost my Jess spark and not sure how to get it back. I know I am going to have to put a lot of work into self-care to get me back on an even keel, drastically reduce my tv time drastically, start arty projects again, go and see real people with real faces, stop glaring at strangers not wearing masks, follow a routine, say my self-affirmations once again, listen to mindfulness exercises, complete more meditation…. Its going to be hard work. But I refuse to lose myself again. So, if I am quieter than usual, or seem a bit lost, It’s because… because well I am a bit lost. This new world is hard to navigate whilst juggling fibro and LC and CFS and sometimes I just want to drop all my juggling balls and quit the circus. So, for a little while I am going to focus on Jess. And gently supporting myself to feel like me again, one step at a time. I know Phyllis is going to hate me and with all the change I have spent more time on the toilet than recommended dealing with Colins ever changing habits and demands…. But its something I need to do, and for others trying to step back into the world after all this upheaval and unease, I just want to give you a big hug. You got this. Whether you struggled through lockdown, or are struggling now out of lockdown, please be gentle with yourself. One step at a time and if you need to regroup and recharge, then you do that. I am going to try and speak about the way I am feeling and encourage you all to do the same. After all, with this ever-changing world of chronic illness, symptoms, medication, appointments and this new normal, then its important we all support each other because we are all in this together.

#selfcarematters #mental health #mentalhealthmatters #loveyourself #fibrowarrior #fibrofighter #invisible illness #restandrecharge #chronic illness #new journey #allinthistogether

[sinnamonn]

Now and Then, Here and There

The Secret Society free a former member of the Justice League, one who has seen multiple worlds and have lost just as many.

Warnings: Uhhh suicidal ideation towards the end

“...If I could do that for her,” Grodd gestured to Giganta, “Imagine what I can do for you.” The ape set down the picture frame. Clay face wondered if it was worth it for a minute, sure he wanted to be normal again, but the idea of keeping his powers plus being normal was too good of an offer. it’s not like Sinsetro, Killer Frost, Shade, and Parasite would just follow any villain blindly. He had to have been offering them something just as good.

“I’m in.” He replied, normalcy, sweet normalcy, Clayface could almost taste i

“Perfect. But to do that, we need to pick up one last friend.” He said.

“Wait a minute! You never said anything about another member.” Parasite exclaimed,

“I’m getting impatient, Grodd.” Sinestro added, “Just how long until we take down the league?!”

The group began to become restless, but Grodd remained calm. He was smarter than this whole group combined, after all, he could control them.

“Now, now, If we want to bring down the league she is integral to that.” Grodd said.

“She?” Killer Frost repeated.

“I can see you’re curious. Standing here arguing won’t get her here faster, now, let's take a little field trip to CADMUS.” Grodd started towards the exit. The others held back, exchanging looks.

But Grodd hadn’t lied to them.

So they followed.

“So how are we getting in exactly? CADMUS Labs aren’t exactly a cakewalk.” Shade asked, squeezed into the back seat with the others. Giganta’s car was spacious enough, but it was no minivan. Shade had been sandwiched between Parasite and Sinestro with Clayface and Frost at either windows.

“I’ve been sending out waves to a security guard there, he’ll let us in easy.” Grodd replied

“You really thought of everything, huh?” Giganta smiled at him.

“Of course.”

The lower levels of Cadmus were creepy. Lit by red LEDs and metal walls, the group’s footsteps echoed within the hallways. The red also illuminated...things, dead things preserved in formaldehyde. Aliens maybe? Failed experiments?

“Creepy…”

“The one we’re getting is alive right?” Shade asked, “ I’m good with a lot of things but carrying around a corpse isn’t one of them.”

“Not to worry, our new friend is very much alive, she’s just sleeping.” Grodd answered.

“That’s what my folks told me when my dog died when I was a kid, you sure about that Grodd?” Clayface questioned him.

“I’m absolutely positive, why would CADMUS keep a dead body under lock and key?”

“Touché.”

A door with a passcode lock, reinforced with steel.

“Frost?” Grodd said, not taking his eyes off the door.

“On it.” She placed her hand on the lock ,freezing and then destroying the keypad. With the security system broken, the inner locks released, revealing a small room. It was barren save for a few small tables towards the back surrounding a single cryogenic sleep container.

“Is that a kid in there!?” Clayface asked, squinting into the chamber’s small window. He was correct, floating inside the chamber was a small girl with an oxygen mask attached to her face. What had to be the most eye-catching thing about this girl was her hair, vibrant orange floated around her face, but the roots and bangs were a stark white in comparison.

“They just locked her up and left her here?” Giganta turned to Grodd, he nodded, a grim look on his face.

“Unfortunately yes, probably for years, the extent to which CADMUS is willing to go is horrifying.” He explained, “But before we free our new friend, it’s imperative that from now on we call the Justice League the Justice Lords.”

“Justice Lords?” Shade repeated, “Why the change?”

“You’ll see.” Grodd simply replied, inputting the code to the container's keypad. The sound of air letting out of the container filled the room, opening and fully revealing the girl. She looked so fragile and pale, her skin nearly pure white from the lack of sun .

Giganta was the one to catch the girl before she hit the ground, gently removing the oxygen mask from her face.

Oh, she had freckles.

Still, the redhead didn’t move and for a moment Grodd though that she was actually dead. Maybe CADMUS really did keep a dead body under lock and key?

The girl’s sleep-filled groan proved otherwise, and once again Grodd was right.

“Wha…?” Bleary, half lidded eyes scanned their surroundings. Seemingly upon realizing the company, the girl yelled and scrambled out of Giganta’s hold, shakily getting to her feet. “Who are you!? What world is this!?” Her eyes shot manically around the room, “Where am I!?”.

“Hey, calm down! What are you talking about?” Parasite said.

“ What’s happening in this world!?” She reiterated, only to be met with silent confusion. She sighed, “Are Themyscira and Atlantis at war?”

“Uh, no?” Clayface answered.

“Is Darkseid on earth?”

“Nope.” Shade replied

“Is Superman a communist?”

“Wha-? I don’t think he’s a communist?” Parasite answered confusedly.

“I’ll take that as a no, what about the Justice League? Are they still the league or are they a crime syndicate?” The redhead pressed.

“No, they don’t call themself that.” Grodd replied before anyone else had a chance to, the girl let out a sigh of relief.

“Ok, good, The Flash in that world was a major creep.” She replied, the soft smile she held faded when she saw Grodd’s expression.

“They don’t call themselves the Justice League either…” He trailed off. A manipulation tactic meant for the girl to fill in the blanks herself, and it worked.

“No...they’re calling themselves the Justice Lords, aren’t they?” She raked a hand through her hair, “ Damn it! I was so close this time…”

Grodd nodded, “I’m afraid so, they’re also the reason you were held by CADMUS.”

“Checks out. So I take it you guys are a resistance group now?” She questioned, turning her attention back to the others. The gorilla smiled down at her,

“You catch on fast. We call ourselves the Secret Society, I am—“

“Gorilla Grodd,” She interrupted and turned to the others, “and you’re Giganta, Shade, Parasite, Clayface, don’t know you but judging by the uniform you’re a red lantern, and Killer Frost. Some of us have met in other worlds.”

Awkward silence, the society looked between themselves, not knowing how to react to that.

Shade cleared his throat, “well, you seem to already know us, that just leaves you then.”

The girl chuckled dryly, “The only thing that truly stays consistent...Call me Illusium. Now let's get out of here before those fascists realize I’m out. ”

As if on cue, an alarm went off.

“Little late for that.” Giganta stated, looking from the door to the girl. Illusium merely smirked.

“CADMUS’s foot soldiers are no problem.” Illusium’ s hospital gown rustled as she walked out, facing the coming security officers, “Thought you could keep me locked up?” She glared at them, pupil’s beginning to glow red, “Idiots.” A simple wave of her hand, the guards stopped, looking wide-eyed at nothing. At least, that’s what the rest of the society thought. To Illusium and the guards, in front of them was one of Darkseid’s paradooms. Of course, only Illusium knew it was an illusion, what kind of League member would she be if she didn’t have control of her powers?

Besides, paradooms didn’t scare her anymore.

Yelling, blind shooting, bullets flying in the opposite direction; the guards were distracted, giving the others ample time to escape.

“Let’s go before they realize it’s a fake!” The redhead called back to the others before taking off.

“What did ya do to em’!?” Clayface asked, Illusium laughed.

“Made ‘em see something scary!”

They burned rubber speeding out of CADMUS, the first phase in Grodd’s plan going smoothly and with no interference from the League. This time around, in this world, the Secret Society was practically guaranteed to win.

“This is familiar.” Illusium stated, walking around the Society’s base; taking in all the computers and tech they had managed to compile. She had changed out of the hospital gown, now wearing a comically oversized sweater originally belonging to Giganta.

“So you’ve been here before?” Killer frost asked, Illusuim only shook her head.

“Not here exactly, but similar.”

Shade chimed in, “I gotta know what you did back there, you made those guards look terrified of thin air.”

“It’s a part of my power, I can project pieces of my memories onto whoever I choose to,” She explained, “the other part of it is immortality through quantum death. You guys know what that is, right?”

“Familiar with the concept, but who am I to explain your power?” Grodd replied.

“‘Kay...So it’s like this: you’re sitting on the ledge of a cliff, you decide whether or not to jump, but in the end you jump. The very moment that decision is made, a parallel universe where you didn’t jump is created, and here’s where my ability comes in,” Illusium swallowed, “Everytime I die I’m transported to a different world, all my memories of the previous one stay intact.”

“So that’s why you were freaking out about what world this was?” Parasite asked, she nodded.

“Yep, I call it the Death Loop.” Illusium.

“That sounds...intense.” Gigianta said, “How did you even figure that out?”

“Well, At first I thought I could temporarily shift to parallel realities. In that first world, myself and the League went to fight Darkseid, but little did we know he had planted spyware on one of us and...he...he killed everyone.” She scratched at her wrist, laughing nervously, “Including me. One minute I’m being torn apart by paradooms and the next thing I know. Amazons and Altlantians are killing each other and Wonder Woman is running a sword through me!”

“It was so weird. Sometimes it was minor changes, the league was fully intact except for a different Green Lantern or different Flash, and other times it was completely haywire, like they weren’t the Justice League at all but instead they were a crime syndicate and everyone looked and acted so different. The worst part was constantly seeing people you’ve known most of your life look at you like an enemy, or even worse a stranger.”

Killer Frost put a hand on her shoulder, snapping her out of her manic talk. “Don’t worry, this world’s gonna be different , for everyone.”

“Yeah, we’ll make it right!” Gigianta added.

Grodd and Shade stood away from the group, both of them watching as Illusium chatted away with the rest of the group.

“What’re you planning?” Shade asked, looking to the Gorilla

“Oh, it’s nothing elaborate. Illusium is a former league member, she knows how they think, how they fight. With her thinking they’re the bad guys our victory will be as easy as taking candy from a baby.”

“True, someone from the inside gives us an advantage, but what if she realizes that you’re lying.”

“She won’t. She’s lost so many worlds that she’ll cling to the first semblance of allyship offered to her.” He turned to rejoin the rest of the group, “So make sure all of you play nice.”

That night, Illusium lay on top of the Society’s hideout. They couldn’t sleep, probably because they’d been in cryogenic sleep for god knows how long. The stars were different here, they were always different depending on the world.

She wondered what the stars would look like in the world after this one?

Illusium could find out if they were to jump. It would be easy, they’d die from shock before hitting the ground and—

She shook her head, no, no suicide. Illusium needed to stay here, she needed to help the Society , she needed to find a world without losers and this one had barely even started. She needed to fight.

“Hey there.” Without noticing Killer Frost had taken a seat next to her, “Couldn’t sleep?”

“I’ve been asleep for god knows how long,” Illusium replied, not taking her eyes off the sky, “what about you?”

“Curious, I wanna know the dirt you have on the others. You know, from the other worlds?” Frost elaborated.

Despite looking different, Frost still acted the same as she did back in Arkham. Illusium gave them a half smile,

“Looking for dirt on the rest of the Society or just other villains in general, ‘cause I’ve seen so many versions of everyone.”

Killer frost shrugged and Illusium took that as the latter.

“Well, for starters, the two of us met back in Arkham.” Illusium started, “We were on Task Force X with Quinn, Copperhead, Deadshot, and some other guys.”

“Task Force X?” Killer Frost repeated.

“A suicide squad.”

“Oh. So we…”

“Yeah, we died.”

“Lame.”

“I know right?” Illusium chuckled, “ but that world was fun. You and Harley made it fun.”

The two stayed up for hours, talking about the past worlds Illusium had been, how in one Harley Quinn had her own villain league, the “superman is a commie” world, and one where there was a new Batman, one that was much more spry than the original.

Illusium had to stay here. Stay and fix this world, maybe once they had taken out the Justice Lords she could find a way to prevent Darkseid from coming here.

She wouldn’t let this world end in tragedy like the others.

#self ship #💚 platonic #self ship writing #🏩self insert🏩 #self insert #justice league self insert #🪦now and then/here and there🪦 #dc self insert #🍒giacore🍒

[mor-beck-more-problems]

Monsters of the Museum || Dakota and Morgan

TIMING: Current

PARTIES: @dakotasgrant & @mor-beck-more-problems

SUMMARY: Dakota and Morgan try to open up to one another. Some things are scarier than glass-cased monstrosities.

CONTAINS: Mentions of alcoholism, parental abuse, death, and car accident

Despite the weird shit that happened when she and Morgan hung out last, Dakota still felt as though she needed to water this seed, because when it came to everyone else in town so far… Well, this was the only one that was growing. She felt a little bad about getting defensive, and she had already planned on apologizing again once she saw Morgan at the museum, but… Well, technically what she’d said had been true. Morgan knew a sensitive detail about Dakota, but she didn’t really know her. And if she was going to take her only friend’s advice when it came to making more friends, then she needed to know more about Morgan first.

The museum had been her own idea, and even as she sat on the steps waiting patiently for her company to arrive, she still thought it would be fun with or without her. In an effort to be a nicer person, though, she did have two coffees set by her side, her hands in her pockets. She hoped Morgan liked hot bean water sans cream and sugar.

Morgan’s nerves prickled like needles as she pulled up to the museum. For all the effort they’d put into their pop up display during the carnival, the actual building was kind of dull looking, like a refurbished old train station no one had ever cared about. She steadied herself, trying to narrate a version of this visit to herself that both didn’t end with more attempted theft, or factual education, and had her leave with her conscience intact. She couldn’t exactly coax Dakota into making a scene while she smashed her way through reclaiming some supernatural artifacts to restore to their rightful communities, like she had with Deirdre. Nothing came to mind, so maybe she would just ignore everything in the museum and focus on the conversation around them. They were here to get to know each other. She didn’t need to worry about corpses being disrespected by being called creations and elaborate hoaxes, or photographs of supernaturals who hadn’t wanted to be seen dismissed, or magic relics categorized as superstition. She would be fine, and the afternoon with Dakota would be a good one.

Morgan finally got out of her Subaru and jogged up to meet her friend. “Hey! It’s a great day to be inside where it’s warm, huh? Let’s go, yeah?” She offered a hand to help Dakota up. “I tried to come up with some kind of random fact like they make you come up with in cheesy ice breakers on the way but--” I was too distracted by knowing how much wrongful nonsense you’re about to fall for in here. “--I just couldn’t. I’ve had some memorable shitty jobs in the past? I used to have an online crystal shop? My cat that’s been with me the longest, Anya, liked to be walked on a leash and harness?” She held open the door for them as they went in. “What I’m trying to say is, I will try to be as much of an open book as possible, okay?” And as long as they kept talking, how hard could that be?

She stepped onto the shiny tile floor and came face to face with half a dozen dull-eyed, incorporeal school children in their uniforms. She squealed, covering her mouth a second too late and jumped back close to Dakota. “Sorry! This place is just--” Haunted. Full to the brim and fucking haunted within an inch of its life. Morgan couldn’t look in any direction without catching sight of at least two spirits hovering near the display cases. Shit, shit, shit. “--so impressive! Like, way more than I thought it would be!”

Dakota was a little bit more excited than she wanted to admit, especially when Morgan showed up. She wasn’t the kind of person she ever thought she’d be friends with -- she was quirky, and weird, and confusing… But she was bright and bubbly and seemed to be this kind of oddly positive, always “chipper” sort of person. Which, as anyone could see, was the complete opposite of herself. But it made her happy to see that even if she was such a cynic, the people around her could still exist in this sort of.. Care-free innocence, it seemed. Of course, that was all her own perception, but she still firmly believed that Morgan did have some sort of sweet innocence to her, whether or not that was actually true. And she was also a firm believer that being friends with someone like Morgan was the closest she’d ever come to being that bright and bubbly and kind and sweet.

“Hey,” she greeted, but within a short amount of time she was bombarded with words. She forgot that Morgan did that, but this time it was slightly more endearing than the last. From a crystal shop to her cat, she did realize that all she was trying to do was tell her that she was going to be as genuine as possible. Whether or not Dakota chose to believe whatever she was about to say for the next few hours was up for discussion, but who would lie about a cat being walked on a harness? “Right, yeah -- Um. I guess I just wanted to know more about who you are as a person, you know?” she began, holding the door for the both of them to shuffle in. “So, let’s start with --” she began, but was quickly shut up by Morgan’s reaction to the museum.

While Dakota was impressed by the tile and artwork, Morgan seemed to have jumped back only a few moments after being inside -- as if she’d just seen a scary bug. This forced Dakota’s brows to knit together, looking at her in pure confusion. “Uh.. Yeah, I guess so..” It’s not that impressive. “I mean, it’s just a museum -- in my opinion. Have you been to the MET? I heard it’s crazy nice in there.”

“Uh…” Morgan winced with genuine embarrassment. “Sorry. I think my bar was just set really low. I mean, stars, they even have headsets! Not that I want one, you can’t really be with someone when you’re doing that.” Another nervous smile. She glared at the school children floating in front of them in a way that she hoped said, get lost. But they only glanced at Dakota with their cataract eyes and floated, dripping, back to the display case they seemed bound to. Morgan side stepped them carefully as she started down the nearest open corridor. “I did go to the MET actually! It’s so incredible, I didn’t even get to see half of it. It was just a few hours, when I took that trip to New York City with my girlfriend. We wanted our second day to be more chill and get back to our room before Times Square got too crowded, so we just walked the parts of the MET together that we could, popped out and found a bakery, and walked to a historical cemetery after. But here was this great collection of Dutch and German renaissance art and some pottery from indigenous tribes from the southwest. You should go, if you ever get the chance. I just, you know, didn’t think it would be this nice or roomy here.” She cleared her throat, hiding the impulse to seize up at the sight of a headless woman drifting up and down the corridor with them, phasing through half the patrons as she did.

“I’m not really sure how to define what kind of person I am,” she admitted, lowering her gaze to gather herself better. “I feel like I’m in a state of flux. I’m afraid you really will just have to play detective on that one.”

In the spirit of trying to make friends, Dakota tried her best to ignore the way Morgan was acting at the moment. If she’d been to the MET, she shouldn’t have been this surprised by the roominess of the museum… But, of course, she had to remind herself of Morgan’s excitability, and simply dismissed the issue. You can’t dismiss everything entirely, though can you? She didn’t want to think about that. The Nordica was weeks ago, and she hadn’t seen anything other than a big open showfloor with a few intrigued patrons wandering. All who seemed normal, all who seemed human, and no sign of anything with horns, so.. Maybe that’s just how Morgan was. Excitable. A little strange. Definitely weird. All true statements, sure, but she was also a friend.

“Everyone’s always in flux, Morgan. That’s sort of what life does to people. So tell me about your stages, and… I guess I’ll tell you mine.” she stated -- not in a malicious or rude manner, because to Dakota, she was just stating facts. If she listed all the changes she’s been through in the last 30 years of her life, she was sure she could come up with a way she was changing even now, approaching 40 in the next three years. Ooh, don’t think about that, either. They started at the Mutated Dog Remains exhibit, which was really just a bunch of old bones reassembled that showed minor mutations, but she had to admit they all looked rather large. The plaque below a particularly strange looking resemblance of a creature that must have died a while ago mentioned the word hellhound, but debunked the term by stating it was an urban legend, a made-up story, folklore.

“I know that you’re a lesbian, and a wiccan, and that you like deathly stuff. I know you had a best friend when you were younger that made you realize you were gay, and I know you have a girlfriend, and I know you’ve been to New York City. I also know that you have a cat. I guess the reason we’re here is because -- I mean, if you want to talk to me about letting people get to know me, least of all Marley Stryder, then I think it’s fair that I get to know the person who’s giving this crazy advice. So what’s the stuff you never tell anybody? Or were your parents like, happy when you were a kid?”

“Well, I flux more or harder than most people,” Morgan said with a low laugh. “And that’s three cats, total. I got Anya in Houston, and my girlfriend and I got Moira together, and we took in Niamh when her owner, a friend of ours, died suddenly late last year.” She couldn’t help but laugh again, shaking her head ruefully now as the suggestion that her parents were happy. “Oh, stars above, no. I mean, we tried. They tried. And we had moments, like most families, and that’s what I try to focus on but…” Another dry laugh. How did you explain, ‘well my mom was magically cursed with true suffering and shared that curse with me when I was born, so!’ “It was really complicated. My mother was…a really hurt woman. She did what she thought was best, but by the time she had me, her perception of ‘best’ had been warped by a lot of fear and bad experiences. She was really accepting of me when I came out, but that didn't really make all the times she dragged me screaming to my room and locked me in for awhile go away, you know?” Morgan winced, wondering if this was already oversharing. “I’m okay now, obviously,” she hastened to say. “I was just raised under some really specific circumstances that are hard for a lot of people to understand.”

“More or harder than most people?” Dakota repeated, trying her best not to sound judgmental. Lord knows she was the last person to judge, but.. It still came somewhat natural to her. Gotta work on that. She listened, though, about the cats -- reading plaque after plaque of random artifacts that didn’t look more or less interesting than what she could find at Pottery Barn. The place was probably filled with hoaxes, but she wasn’t about to comment, because.. God, wasn’t she so tired of being cynical all the time? Despite her overall standoffishness, Dakota really did care about what Morgan had to say. She could relate in a lot of ways to the story she told -- the half truths she was narrating. She’d been locked in her room before, but probably not for too long, because she always found a way out. And the more she thought about it, it was probably because dad was angry, and nobody wanted to be around when he started yelling. He never hit, though. If she loved him for anything other than ABBA, it was because he never hit. But she wasn’t going to tell Morgan any of that. Fucking hypocrite, she thought to herself. Asking this woman to bare her deepest darkest secrets while you can’t even tell her the truth. If there was one good intention of Dakota’s, though, it was that she cared about Morgan, and if she wanted to get any closer than an arm’s length, she’d need to read the footnotes. “Kind of sounds like Sparknotes there, Beck.” she said, tucking her hands into the pockets of the coat she was wearing while they aimlessly strolled the museum. “You don’t have to go any deeper than that if you don’t want. I’m just.. Saying that you can. If that’s what you want.”

“Wow,” Morgan said, laughing unsteadily. “And here I thought I was oversharing.” She shifted a little closer to Dakota, dodging the spectre of a man with burnt, twisted limbs. He glowered at her, condemning her denial of him. “I’m sorry,” she hissed under her breath. And she was. But smashing glass and striking up conversation with the air in a room full of normies wasn’t going to fix anything. “Um, if you pick a number that’s a multiple of three I can give you the Nightline Edition of some quality trauma. We can pull up one of those number generators on my phone if we really want to play with fate.” She laughed at her own bad joke. No one knew better than her that fate didn’t let you play when she’d made up her mind. It had only been, what, fifteen minutes from the banshee scream on her life to the rebar pole skewering her insides? “Last year counts too,” she added. “I’m not trying to be cagey on purpose. Shockingly, I am actually trying not to scare you off by dumping too much all at once.”

She stopped in front of a framed photograph of the Bachman House, now a pile of rubble in the bend. The placard mentioned the number of unusual deaths on the property, with the usual highlights of trampled by own horse, impaled by own farm tools, unlucky trip down stairs, and those were just the ones that could be ruled by accidents. On the other balcony, she could see teeth in glass boxes and a singular framed wing. “Can I ask you something first?” Morgan asked, her eyes settling into an empty middle distance where there was nothing to see, nothing to hide, no problem. “Where do you think all this stuff comes from? The stories, the pain around it all. What do you believe about it?”

“A multiple of three, huh?” Dakota inquired, mainly just to amuse her. If she was going to be friends with Morgan, it was quite obvious that she was going to have to play by her rules -- meaning that she probably would have to settle for the goofiness, or the kindness, or the sunshine and rainbows of it all. Weirdest part about all of that was the fact that Dakota usually scoffed at people who seemed to be full of so much joy. What the fuck was there to be joyful about, ever? You’re born, you live, you work for fifty years or so, and you die. The monotony of life… The mundanity of it all. So what the fuck was Morgan Beck even smiling about, even if she did have a Nightlife Edition highlight reel of her trauma ready to share? Jesus, dude, go to therapy.

Morgan caught her off guard, just a tad, with her next question. Where did she think all of this stuff came from? What does she believe about all of it? Dakota simply shrugged, unsure of how to put her thoughts into words, which was a first. “I.. Guess the bones come from a bunch of different animals. Some of the artifacts have to be mass produced or ordered off, like, Etsy. The pictures and stuff? Well, anyone can go up to a creepy looking house that hasn’t had any tender love and care for a few decades and make up a story.” Dakota paused, bringing her attention back to the Bachman house. “I guess that’s what it is, in a nutshell. People wanting to believe things bad enough. People wanting other people to believe them bad enough. But the key is in making up the story -- because you can’t spell believe without L-I-E.”

Dakota let a lull in the conversation pass, tucking her hands back into her pockets, wandering off from the picture.“I pick 27, by the way. For the multiples thing.” she tossed over her shoulder.

Morgan nodded along. She couldn’t fault Dakota for speaking so callously without knowing how it all tied to Morgan. And there was some kind of awful experience sitting under her stiffness, something  that made her mistrust goodness and acceptance. “I’ll give you a two for one special,” she said quietly. “The house in that picture is mine. And everything in that placard is true. I have the documents from the town archives to prove it. And there’s a few more deaths that happened off the property tied to my family. There was a servant girl named Constance who wanted to run away with one of the Bachman daughters, Agnes. They were found out by  Agnes’ mother, Hannah Bachman, and the story suddenly went from a desperate romantic getaway to coercion. Constance didn’t have any family or friends to stick up for her, so word of her preying upon the innocent Bachman daughter spread, and she spent about a month living in the woods like an animal until she finally died.” Died because she surrendered her form to power a generational curse, but Morgan didn’t feel like arguing those particulars with a skeptic. “There are some truly horrible, inexplicable things that happen here that are just as real as the morning weather.”

She turned to Dakota, smiling sadly. “When I was twenty-seven, I was supposed to be finishing up my Masters’ in literature. I was living in this nice apartment with some other students and one of them was in my program. And she was so beautiful, and I would’ve done anything for her except say I liked her. One day I’m making sun tea and she pulls me aside about something, how behind on my share of the rent I am, and it’s going okay, but I decide to start opening up about--” The curse. Stupidly, she’d tried to tell her about the curse. “Some of the smaller crises that were going on, and she didn’t believe me and got really upset. And...okay, so the super swore later on that he had replaced all the windows so they were double insulated. This one windowpane had been missed. So when the girl threw one of my plants at the window, the whole thing shattered. I went to pick up the glass and she wanted me to stay away from her, and she pushed me, but because of the glass around her, she also cut herself and slipped and she went backwards just right out the window and fell through what was left of it. We were on the fourth floor, so…” Morgan winced. “Everyone heard us screaming before then, and my standing over the window-- I mean, it was so fast I was too late before I even tried to get close enough to catch her-- it didn’t look good, and they made me re-hash everything we’d been talking about and they didn’t like or believe it either, so I spent the evening answering questions from the authorities, and being yelled at by my roommates, and packing up my stuff. Then came the psych evaluation, which I was too anxious and scared to refuse, and that was pretty scary. And by that time it was eight o’clock or something, so I holed up in a Whataburger for a little bit and then drove around our college town trying to figure out where I was supposed to go next. I got a shitty little Motel 6 place for a few months before I could get leave of absence paperwork going and do depressed 20-something shit until I could start back again with a cohort that didn’t know me.” She thought back on that day, shivering at the memory of the body ragdolled on the gravel, the blood framing her and soaking her hair, the glare of the sun on her empty face… “Sometimes things just happen.” Sometimes they happened because the neutrality of the universe could hurt, and sometimes they happened because you were cursed to carry your great-great grandmother’s crimes on your shoulders.

Dakota had fully intended on continuing to browse the museum, already halfway to the next display whenever Morgan spoke up about the Bachman house. She listened, of course, but part of her didn’t believe a word coming out of her mouth. But she remembered something Erin had said a few weeks ago, something about how she herself had nothing to gain from lying to her, and Dakota couldn’t help but wonder if the same was true for Morgan. What would she have gained by lying to her? What would she get out of a story like that? Unless the woman standing before her was severely mentally ill, suffering from some sort of psychosis or a personality disorder, then what was Morgan getting out of lying about a picture of a house? She stopped in her path, turned back to look at her, and just as she was about to grill her for the evidence, she started talking about grad school.

Morgan shared, and after she’d finished, the exhibit they’d been standing in had been emptied of all people, most of whom had gone on to go see whatever else this place had to offer. Dakota didn’t mean to stare, but she was looking at Morgan for what felt like forever, and suddenly, deciding on whether or not the Bachman story was true wasn’t exactly the most pressing issue anymore. “Jesus Christ,” she murmured, because it was the only thing she really knew to say. She almost wanted to give Morgan a hug, but she wasn’t a touchy person, and she wasn’t even sure if they were close enough for that anyways, so she refrained. “Not sure I can follow that. You win on the trauma stories.”

“It’s not a contest,” Morgan said softly. “Honestly, it’s…” She exhaled slowly. It had been awful, yes. And it had taken her longer than usual to bounce back, to make friends without wanting to run or panic. She didn’t bother telling anyone about the curse at all after that, at least until White Crest. It was the kind of hurt you didn’t think about too much. Besides, there was always another one three years ahead. On and on until the day she died. “I’ve had worse. And it was over ten years ago. I don’t really, you know, think about it that much in the grand scheme of things. I have other, bigger things to worry about.” She did her best to brush it off as no big deal, but in the wake of the confession, she mostly felt bewilderment at her forming any attachments in White Crest at all. “Why don’t you tell me something about yourself, huh? I mean, I know you’ve shared a lot already, and I don’t mind talking more, I just don’t want to take all the air in here, either.” She looked sidelong at Dakota, unsure at how she was really taking all this. Did she think she was making this up? Did she think she was crazy?

Morgan was right. It wasn’t a competition. But if you did compare the two stories -- Dakota’s entire life and then the one incident that happened to Morgan when she was 27 -- Dakota would look like a spoiled goddamned brat. Of course, she could tell her about The Nordica… But she was still in denial about the events that unfolded that night. Erin was the only one she trusted enough to talk about that with because she was the only one she knew that had seen the event take place. She was the only one she really felt safe enough with to talk about the possibility that maybe that thing wasn’t just some rare animal, and maybe it was a monster. Regardless of that, though, it didn’t matter how many times Dakota showed up at Erin’s place to talk about it, because denial was more than just a river in Egypt. Dakota took the opportunity to lean against the railing that blocked museum goers from getting too close to any artifacts that weren’t held behind plexiglass, folded her arms over her chest and let out a little sigh. “I don’t feel like going by multiples of any particular number, so I’m just going to tell you everything, so try to keep up.” Here goes nothing. Or everything.

“I was born and raised in Detroit, but you knew that. It wasn’t the nice part of Detroit because we were really fucking poor. My mom worked at Valentino’s Diner on 8 Mile Road and I never saw her because she was always working -- double shifts, almost every day. I literally remember being a kid and dipping into the drug store to buy her cigarettes and dropping them off on my way home from school. My dad was an alcoholic. I still don’t really know much about him, but I know that he fell asleep in his recliner every night with old ass tv shows on with usually some type of scotch or brandy at his side. One time our house almost burnt down because he blacked out with a lit cigar in his hand -- he must’ve dropped it, because there was a huge cinched patch in our living room that we had to cut out of the carpet.” You’re really going for it, huh? “They fought… A lot. Because mom was doing the double shifts I told you about, and Dad bled their savings dry for booze, and they were always yelling at each other about money. When I was younger I remember asking my mom who “Bill” was. I used to think that we must have just had a lot of thunderstorms because the power kept going out, but really the power just kept getting shut off. Dad referred to her as a “ball and chain” to his buddies, but I think it was the other way around, because my mom was smart. And really fucking brave. And he knew that if he ever hit her, he’d be a dead man, because she wasn’t afraid to fight back. So I know what it’s like to be locked in your room. I didn’t understand then, but I know now that really she was just trying to protect me from seeing things I didn’t need to see, but must’ve forgot that I had ears. When I got older, I started sneaking out of my bedroom window when shit like that happened. Went and rode my bike, that sort of thing. I remember always being so pissed that I never knew what was going on, which is probably why I do what I do. I hate it when nobody knows what’s going on. All that misinformation..” she trailed off. Yeah, you’re one to talk. “Anyways, I was the poor kid with really greasy hair and hand-me-down clothes, and people talked. Kids are fucking assholes. But I took after my mom, because I’m pretty smart, too, and I worked my ass off and got to college. Chris -- my, uh, ex that I told you about -- he followed me. He was going to be a big businessman or whatever the fuck, and really I just wanted the stability, so.. I stayed. For a while. Then I ended up here. And you’d think that the bullshit would’ve stopped, but I know what it feels like to see someone die now, so.. I guess we’re on the same page there.”

“Oh, Dakota…” Morgan pulled her into her arms as best she could. “That’s not something you should have to know. Sorry doesn’t change anything, but… I am. And I don’t--I don’t think it’s too late for you to leave, if that’s what you want. This place is violent. Whatever, whoever you saw die...it’s just a lot more common here than it is in some other places. This place is violent and cruel and you have definitely suffered enough.” From Dakota’s expression, the same could maybe be said for her, but there was too much here. She felt bound to it, or maybe she was just mired and didn’t realize. “I know you’re just starting to find your way, but no one would blame you if you went.”

She pulled back, still touching the woman’s arm, lingering there. “Listen...if you…” Morgan hesitated. Dakota had made herself so vulnerable and Morgan knew exactly what she really wanted to know about her, and who was she to push Dakota to be more vulnerable and open with new people if she couldn’t even try to offer this? “Do you still really want to know what’s...why my body is the way that it is? Because I can tell you, or I can try to. But we should probably find somewhere to sit first.”

Can’t leave yet. “Yeah, but if I skipped town now, who would I cry to about personal shit in the middle of a museum full of hoaxes? Seriously, this is invaluable.” Dakota sounded a bit sarcastic, but she did mean it -- if she were to get the next plane ticket outta this place, she would most definitely be losing one of the only relationships she ever cared about in her life and leaving it behind. Even if White Crest was a cursed place, she’d still feel bad for leaving Morgan.

After she had pulled back from the hug -- which was accepted but not necessarily invited -- something was offered that had piqued her interest. An actual explanation as to why Morgan was the way that Morgan was. At least… Why her blood looked like tar and her skin healed at a superhuman speed. She was ready for the vegan preaching, and now a little more prepared for a cyborg arm than she had been before. If you can see Krampus in a movie theater, I’m sure doctors can create a superhuman arm. “I mean, I’d love to know, but you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” she offered politely, even though she was practically crawling out of her skin with anticipation. “I think there’s a cafe near the entrance, if you wanna..?

Morgan glanced quickly at the cafe area and thought better of it. Too many people. If this went badly, she didn’t want to be the center of a scene. She looked around the gallery and found a relatively empty bench. Well, empty of living people. There was a rather large group of ghost pirates floating around a piece of a ship encased in glass. Morgan made her way toward them, making a face she hoped indicated that she wanted some privacy. The pirates, however, had been dead long enough to not care and just cleared the bench so no one would be sitting through their ghostly bodies.

Morgan shouldered off her jacket and sat very close to Dakota, who she pulled down with her. “So, last April I was kind of in an accident. There was this light malfunction and that caused this huge wreck and it was so fast there was debris everywhere. And I was um…” She winced, remembering. “I was on the sidewalk. I was supposed to go home after work, but I stopped for ice cream with my friend, at this little stand. And it was just some terrible Final Destination bullshit, but my foot was caught and I couldn’t run and then I was on the ground, and there was this…” That pole. That fucking pole of rebar. Morgan had seen it almost every night during those magic nightmares. She couldn’t talk about that, not without knowing how Dakota would take the truth. “It was really bad,” she said. “I don’t know what the best way to explain is, but you can track the….change in my pulse, my heartbeat.” She rolled up her sleeve and held out her wrist. “Will you see? Please?” Her voice trembled with trepidation. Already, she was scrambling to brace herself for the worst; trouble was, she didn’t really know what ‘worst’ looked like yet.

As Morgan ushered them over to a nearby bench, Dakota started to realize that maybe this was a bigger deal than just some blood disorder or bionic arm thing. Whatever it was, she still thought that Morgan would be a friend regardless, because you’re not friends with people just because their bodies function normally. Besides, even if it freaked her out, Morgan was the closest thing to a friend Dakota had ever had -- and she didn’t mean that lightly. Not when she’d grown up the outcast, and not when fitting in always felt like jamming a puzzle piece where it didn’t fit. As far as she was concerned, Morgan could admit she’d committed several murders and partook in some shady drug lord businesses and she’d probably still be her friend.

As they sat, and Morgan spoke about an accident, Dakota just listened. She was good at listening, but it was more of the “getting it” part she hadn’t mastered -- at least...not when it came to people. The accident she’d described seemed horrific enough. Something Dakota prayed to a God she didn’t believe in that would never happen to her. At first, she was confused as to why she needed to feel her pulse, but her voice trembled, and she could tell this was important to her, so.. She gave it a shot, even though she didn’t quite understand. Placing two fingers on her wrist, Dakota searched for her pulse. She tried several different spots, but she didn’t feel a single beat, and her skin was still ice cold. “So… You have a weak pulse? Because of the accident?” she asked.

“You have to hold it for longer than that,” Morgan hissed. “Here.” She took Dakota by the sleeve and pressed her hand over her heart, firmly, where it would’ve been easy for anyone to feel at least a faint impression of a heartbeat. Morgan held it, and held it, and held it. “I’m trying to tell you I don’t have one anymore,” she whispered. “But I’m trying to prove it to you first. You need to understand that this is real.” She drew in a deep breath (In. Hold. Out.) and made sure Dakota felt it. Her chest expanded, the air flowed, but only because she willed it consciously. There was nothing in her that regulated her existence, no internal rhythm to keep up. Her will and her steady feeding were the only things maintaining her existence. “You can try checking on my neck, you can ask me to hold my breath, whatever you feel like you need to do, but I am trying, very hard, to show you the truth.”

Maybe laughing was a knee-jerk response. Actually, she knew exactly why she started to laugh -- because people laugh when they need to project dignity and control during times of stress and anxiety. In situations like this one, right here and right now, when Dakota was confused on all fronts, and anxious because she knew the truth was that Morgan didn’t have a pulse, or a heartbeat, nor was there even the faintest thumb against the palm of her hand through her chest, her response was to laugh. If there was no pulse -- if there was no beat, no rhythm rattling around in her ribcage, then she must have been… She had to be… Dead. Right? People usually laugh in a subconscious attempt to reduce stress and calm down. However, for Dakota, it often works otherwise.

It took a few moments, but she retracted her hand as if recoiling from a hot flame, and stood up immediately. She didn’t know what to say, much less what to do. She could make a break for it and get the hell out of there, but that depended solely on whether or not her legs would move, because they felt made of lead at the moment. She could continue the awkward, anxious laughter that had first bubbled up but has since dissipated to breathing somewhat shallow, quick breaths. Her thoughts raced, so much so that her words wouldn’t come out, and when they finally did, she sputtered. “Am I -- Am I fucking crazy?”

Morgan let Dakota withdraw her hand and grabbed her jacket, started double checking her pockets and bags to make sure she wouldn’t leave anything behind when she made her hasty exit.

“Them’s the breaks,” One of the pirates said. “Head empty as prawns, these humans.”

“Yes, thank you,” Morgan hissed. He was trying to be comforting, but she didn’t want to hear any of it.

She didn’t meet Dakota’s eyes or look in her vicinity as the woman continued to laugh (laugh) deliriously at what she was being shown. “No, you’re not fucking crazy. What’s fucking crazy is having to spend most of my daylight hours pretending to be alive when I’m not. We don’t have to keep doing this. I can go. You can stay and enjoy the--whatever.”

Dakota realized Morgan was moving quickly, like she was ready to flee the scene of a terrible accident. Pun most definitely not intended. She swallowed thickly, trying to think of something to say, but nothing came, not for a few moments that felt like an eternity when Morgan was getting ready to run. “Morgan, wait, I --” she cut herself off, because she didn’t know what she was asking her to wait for. It was like her mind had shutdown, only functioning on the essentials. “I didn’t mean to -- I just -- I don’t -- It’s not possible, which means you’re a -- You’re dead, but that.. You’re...” she was probably sounding like a basket case at this point, and she decided at that moment to stand up a little straighter, brush the hair out of her eyes. “I… I’ve got to go.” And with that, she practically ran to her car, fired up the engine, and got the hell out of there.

“The word you’re looking for is ‘zombie’,” Morgan said, grumbled between Dakota’s desperate stutters for understanding. She was ready to run right there, but Dakota beat her to it, and she had just enough pride not to race her out of this stupid, stupid idea of an afternoon. Slowly, she pulled on her jacket and arranged her hair over the collar just so, and put on her scarf. There was no need to rush anymore and no one curious enough to see her furiously blink back the sting in her eyes and swallow the lump forming in her throat. “Fucking humans, am I right?” She rasped.

The ghosts agreed, but only in silence.

#alcoholism tw #car accident tw #domestic abuse tw #monsters of the museum #wr dakota #wr chatzy #wr dakota chatzy #wickedswriting

[balledjely]

Rotten Work - Part 3

Haikyuu x Reader - Part One, Part Two

Umm,,, also I didn’t think anyone would read this so I’m really excited that you guys actually like it.,,,,so thanks ( ･_･)♡

Once the group finally gathers in the gym, Daichi calls for you to gather around him. As he begins to describe what he has planned, he’s interrupted by the harsh screech of the gym door sliding open. You practically jump out of your skin. Everyone was in the gym, so who could it be? Your mind automatically goes to the ‘it’s a murder!’ scenario. Behind you, Tsukki snickers at your reaction.

In the doorway are two men, one completely out of breath and the other totally undetected.You recognize one of them as the faculty adviser for the volleyball club. You’d spoken to him about joining, and he cleared everything for you. “I’ll introduce you!” The first announces loudly. “This is Ukai! From today on he'll be handling the coaching.”

Daichi’s face lights up. “Coaching? Really?” Behind him, Hinata bounces on his feet excitedly. “I’ll only be coaching up until the Nekoma match, so don’t get your hopes up.” Ukai looks annoyed at the question, but you can tell it's not genuine. He seems like a softie.

“Nekoma?” You turn to Yamaguchi, who’s standing beside you. “Who’re they?” The question catches him off guard, and he stutters out an answer. “We, uh, we have a practice match with them soon.”

You nod and give him a sweet smile to calm his nerves. He blushes in response, and you can’t help but find it cute. Instead of commenting on it and embarrassing him more, you turn your attention to your new Coach.

“Alright, there’s no time to lose so I’ve set up a game with the neighborhood association at 6:30.” Ukai announces loudly, wasting no time introducing himself. I guess he’s just made himself at home, you think to yourself. That takes some nerve. But it was the kind of nerve you had to admire.

You don’t even bother asking who the “neighborhood association” is because the rest of the team seems as confused as you are. When the team gets back to practicing, you can hear the Coach mutter to Takeda, “What’s with her, I thought this was a boy’s team?”

You swallow a mix of embarrassment and annoyance at the question. But at least it was directed at you. You shutter at an imagined scenario where he points you out and asks “What are you doing here?”. That’d be horrific.

——————————————————————————

About half an hour later, the neighborhood association shows up. Coach takes a couple of players onto the other side, seeing as some of the associations’ players couldn’t make it. You’re set up with Hinata, Kagayama, Tsukki, Tanaka, and Daichi.

You can’t help but feel a little bitter. How did you manage to get stuck playing a practice match with people you’ve known for maybe two hours? Only two of which you’d actually played with during those two hours. What’s worse is that you’d be receiving spikes from full grown men. You hadn’t even gotten the chance to get used to a high school level spiker, let alone a grown man’s. You take the few minutes before the match starts to mentally prepare for what’s going to hit you. You pray that you aren’t left with bruises.

The match starts and Suga sets up a quick attack for one of the association players. He hits it fast and it hits the ground before anyone can do anything. After that, you manage to receive a serve and send it to Kagayama who sets up Hinata’s quick attack. Luckily the serve wasn’t all that powerful, so it didn’t affect you much. Hinata lands his quick attack, and your side congratulates him on his point.

Once the next rally starts, Asahi sends out a spike. Fortunately, Tanaka, Kagayama, And Tsukki are able to stop it with a three-man block. You can hear the impact of it on their arms, and flinch at how harsh it sounds. Didn’t this guy take a month off? You think to yourself, and he’s still that powerful?

For a moment, you let yourself relax, thinking that your side had scored the point. But, somehow Noya managed to recover the block and send it back in the air. Both you and Tanaka can’t help but praise him, even though you’re on opposite sides. Even from across the court you can see the light blush on his cheeks from your compliments.

The ball gets set back to Asahi, but this time he manages to break through the three-man block. It breaks trough a gap in the block, and you dart forward. You’re able to recive it just in time, but it hit you hard. On instinct, you shake your arm out to try and distract yourself from the sting.

“You okay?” Suga asks from the front row. He’s looking over his shoulder at you, clearly concerned that you couldn’t handle such an intense spike. On the other side of the net, Asahi yells an apology. “I’m fine! Really.” You try to reassure them by holding up your arm. “See? No bruises.”

“You do know that bruises take a couple hours to form, right?” Tsukki gives you an empty stare. You try to take his sarcastic question as a sign that he has concern for you. “I’m fine. Promise.”

The game goes smoothly from there, up until Asahi is up to spike again. You’re watching the ball as he hits it and sends it to Hinata. But you can tell he’s spacing out, so you rush over to him. You reach out to try and keep the ball from hitting him directly in the face. You’re not even an inch away when it slams into his forehead. The force sends him to the ground.

“Ah, I’m sorry. I tried to keep it from hitting you.” You rush over to him to check if he’s alright. Kagayama calls him an idiot and Takeda freaks out on the sidelines. Hinata mutters something about hurting as you crouch down beside him. Asahi is apologizing profusely as he comes over to this side of the net.

“It’s his fault. He should’ve been paying attention.” Tsukki says without an ounce of pity. You reach down and brush Hinata’s messy hair out of his face to check his forehead, and luckily there was barely even a mark. Noya says something about how he should get with a ball so that you’ll take care of him too.

“I think he’s fine.” You lean back to let Daichi look him over. Hinata sits up and starts getting back to his feet. “You sure you don’t want to take a break?” Suga asks, but Hinata brushes him off. “I’m fine, really. I just should’ve paid attention.”

The rest of the game is uneventful, but your side losses in straight sets. Once it’s over, Coach gives a little feedback and sends the team off to do some stretches and clean up.

You’re in the middle of helping Ennoshita sweep the floor when Tanaka comes to a realization and feels the need to announce it to the team. Out of the blue he yells, “Where is (y/n) gonna change?!”

The team gives him a collective stare of confusion, and Tsukki is the first to speak. “You really are a pervert, huh?”

Tanaka looks offended, “I am not! I just want to make sure none of you look at her weird.”

“You’re the only one who’s thought about it.” Ennoshita replies. The team doesn’t even try to hide their laughter, which causes Tanaka to go completely red. Before he can say anything in response, you jump in. “Thanks for the concern, but I’ll change with Kiyoko.” Across the gym, Kiyoko gives you a silent nod that makes you smile.

Once you’re done with the sweeping, Ennoshita takes the broom back to the storage room for you. You thank him and follow Kiyoko outside and to where she changes. For a moment it’s quiet, but she speaks up.

“How was your first day?” You can tell that she’s trying hard to reach out to you, seeing as she’s a shy person. You really appreciate that she was interested in talking to you. “It was fun! Although the team can seem a little scary, and I had to play a practice match with a totally new team, it went really well. Are they always this energetic?”

She chuckles, “They’ve been like that ever since I joined back when I was a first year.” You glance over at her, smiling as you see her deep in thought. “They’re hectic, but I really love being their manager.”

“That’s so sweet! I think Noya and Tanaka would faint if I told them you said that.” At your comment, she laughs again and it’s so contagious that you end up laughing too. By the time that the two of you meet up with the boys, you’re still trying to stop giggling.

“They’ve had too much fun without us.” Tanaka pouts as he walks up to the group. Most of the team is there just taking a few minutes to say goodbye. Daichi glances down at you, “Where do you live? I’ll send one of the guys to walk you home.”

“Oh, no that’s okay.” You respond automatically, slightly embarrassed that they’d go out of their way for you. “I’ll be fine walking home alone.”

“No you won’t! There are some crazy people out there.” Noya’s jumping now, you’ve noticed he does that a lot. Asahi nods, “It can be dangerous out there..”

Kiyoko leans over to you, “They won’t stop until you say yes.” Taking her advice, you sigh and give them your address. “Ah! Tsukki and Tadashi live down that way, they’ll take you.” Daichi announces.

“Are you sure that’s alright? I can walk home on my own if it’s out of the way-” You try again to convince them that you’ll be okay on your own, but Tsukki cuts you off, looking completely uninterested. “It’s fine.” He says simply, and then he just starts walking.

Tadashi glances at you, and you glance at him, and then start following Tsukki. You wave goodbye to the team, and soon enough you’re walking down the dark streets with Tadashi and Tsukki.

You manage to talk to Tadashi a little, but you only get one word responses for Tsukki. After a couple of prompts, you give up on trying to invite him into the conversation. Eventually the conversation dips into a comfortable silence while you reflect on everything that happened that day.

Once you reach the gate to your house, you wave goodbye to them. Tadashi returns your wave with a smile and Tsukki just gives you a nod. They wait to make sure that you can get inside before they continue walking.

Tags - @cleophei, @galagcica, @whothefuckstolemykeds 

#hq kuroo #kuroo x reader #hq tanaka #tanaka x reader #hq nishinoya #nishinoya x reader #hq sugawara #sugawara x reader #hq hinata #hinata x reader #hq tsukishima #tsukishima x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu!! #hq x reader #hq x y/n

[sebthesnipe]

The Dreamer by Whatwashernameagain An Analysis? Chapter 3 Part 2

All portions:

Chapter 1: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

Chapter 2: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

Chapter 3: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

The Dreamer

by @whatwashernameagain

Reminder: Spoilers under cut!

As Always if you have not done so please read @whatwashernameagain ‘s The Dreamer Chapter 3 before you continue. This analysis is pretty much a giant spoiler if you haven’t.

Also, you can find additional links to The Dreamer analysis on AO3 (and other works by me) here on my masterpost.

Warnings: homophobia, internalized homophobia, republican brainwashing, manipulation, mentioned pedophilia, violence, threatened sexual abuse, injuries, being pressured into sex, nakedness

Gonna just jump back in…

“Being kind as usual, no one chastised Roman for not capturing the Utilitarianist while he was recovering” (Whatwashernameagain).

Though Eva has never specifically said that Roman’s team is out to get him the dramatic irony is certainly implied. She has a way with directing the storyline through these paces to inform the reader that there is nothing ‘kind’ about Roman’s team. Whatever reason they have for not commenting on Roman’s failure to capture the Utilitarianist it is unlikely that it is out of the goodness of their hearts.

“Virgil was anxiously pacing around the bed as he came to, guilty and confused about why he’d been unable to track his friend. The poor thing, he was way too paranoid. Roman did his best to calm him” (Whatwashernameagain).

We see a bit into Virgil’s personality here. It is actually quite interesting if we pay close attention. Here Virgil is showing his anxious side. His guilt and confusion are moving him from his flat characterization (a character that is used to reveal information to push the story along) to a more rounded character. His guilt and confusion provide more insight into his emotional state, making him more developed.

Something, I find just as interesting is that the word ‘paranoid’ is used to describe him. While we as readers know that this is very fitting for the Virgil that is the personification of Anxiety. However, as a handler it is a bit… extreme. Here is a man meant to guide Roman through danger after danger. A typical person would need someone calm and collected in those intense situations. However, Virgil is not a calm and collected individual. Then again, Roman is not a typical individual. Perhaps, this opposition between the two personalities is intentional. I wouldn’t put it past Eva to think quite thoroughly through choosing Virgil as Roman’s handler, just as he was very thorough at choosing Remy as Logan’s. Roman’s… impulsivity *cough*adorable stupidity*cough* is the perfect balance for Virgil’s extreme paranoia and vice versa. For someone wanting to run into every burning building, someone jumping at every shadow can help remind him of his own mortality.

Speaking of more rounded characters, our boi Roman is making some progress himself.

“Despite not being in trouble for getting captured, the rescue had gotten to the media and was fueling the theories about the Dreamer and the Utilitarianist - to a worrying degree. It bothered Roman, since it was clearly ludicrous that he would fall for someone so irritating and immoral, but at least now that Virgil kept him updated, he wasn’t so ashamed anymore” (Whatwashernameagain).

I won’t go into our poor poor Roman’s denial again, but I don’t think it needs to be pointed out here anyways. We all see it. Though, I suppose the constant reminder is some strong foreshadowing. Though we can see Roman’s conscious opinion of Logan. He continues to call him irritating and immoral and perhaps Roman truly believes he is, though more likely subconsciously Roman find him heroic and misguided. The good news is that despite the unwanted publicity Roman is far more secure that he was prior thanks to Virgil.

Teal Swan (An American Spiritual Teacher) once said “We do not fear the unknown. We fear what we think we know about the unknown.” In Roman’s case, he was presented with a collection of hardcore BDSM fan art of himself and The Utilitarianist. The pictures themselves did not scare him, pictures themselves are not scary. However, it is what he thought he knew of the people who created them that scared him. It wasn’t until Virgil educated him that this changed. Roman’s knowledge of this ‘unknown’ grew and what he thought he knew shifted. Suddenly, these images weren’t so scary anymore. (That and he thinks he’s straight which is amusing AF).

Lillian Russell also once said “We all have a fear of the unknown. What one does with that fear will make all the difference in the world.” Roman may have allowed his fear to overpower him for a moment but he chose to stand against it and thus overcame it (with Virgil’s help of course). I realize that this is a bit off topic, but it is something that I feel needs to be said, especially now. The world around us is falling apart are there is no one hero to save us. Some people believe that this is the natural world fighting back against us, others believe it is a religious occurrence. I can’t say one way or another, but I do know that the fear is the same no matter the reasons behind this virus that is taking so many lives.

I can’t say for other countries or even other states, but the reaction to this pandemic that I have seen is heartbreaking. My family and I don’t go out, not because of fear of contracting the virus, but because of people’s reaction to the fear they feel. Fear is a strong motivator that causes conflicts among thousands of people every day. It is a virus in and of itself, breeding and spreading wherever it goes. The world is terrified, and it is our job to react appropriately to these fears, as individuals. You can’t control your neighbor’s reaction to their fear, but you can control your own and sometimes that is enough. Sometimes that enough to calm those around you. Perhaps you can be the beacon of hope that they need to find their own stability. Perhaps you can be the difference in their world.

Okay… Rant over… Back to the wonderful writing!

“Yes, the implication of being in a homosexual relationship and performing sodomy with his nemesis, something he’d been taught was impure and went against god’s wishes, still made heat rise into his cheeks, but he couldn’t help softening towards the mostly harmless fanculture” (Whatwashernameagain).

Okay, lets pay really close attention to the wording here because it is very important! Eva knows what she’s doing, the sly dog! Roman POV points out that the homosexual relationship that is painted between he and Logan is ‘something he’d been taught was impure and went against god’s wishes’. Hold up! Rewind! ‘Something he’d been taught’. No where in this section does Roman’s POV ever claim that Roman, himself, believes that it is wrong. He points out that he is taught that it is wrong, but once again we see the same impressionable boy I’ve mentioned throughout the previous chapters. A child’s thoughts is not their own, but their parents.

Since the last time I mentioned this, I have actually looked further into research behind this view (having children of my own, I find it even more compelling). A study from Cambridge University, published in 2013 points out that “Children are more likely to adopt their family's political views when politics is important to their parents, and the children of politically engaged parents tend to become politically engaged adults” (Dinas, Elias). Is this starting to sound familiar? Well, hold onto your trousers (if you’re wearing any) because it gets better. “When these transmission dynamics are considered together, an important hypothesis follows: the children who are most likely to initially acquire the political views of their parents are also most likely to later abandon them as a result of their own engagement with the political world” (Dinas, Elias). So, Roman is most likely getting his political views from his father through he’s more likely to lose those views as he gets older. Perhaps, we are seeing this now? He has never claimed to have the same beliefs, though he has pointed out that he has been thought them. So, the question is, when? When, if ever, will Roman discard these beliefs?

Well, other research shows that “Young people from politicised homes may be more likely to acquire an initial partisan orientation from their parents, but they are also more likely to abandon that preference as they enter adulthood and experience politics for themselves” (2013). So, most children who have adopted their parent’s belief like Roman has tend to shed those beliefs as they experience the real world and grow into adults. Here is where things change for RoRo. Firstly, he's never really experienced the world without his father or the team his father has provided to look after him. So, no real-world experience. Secondly, from what we have gathered Roman is still fairly young. Most likely, he’s in his mid-twenties, Logan being around thirty. So, Roman has also only been an adult for a few years now. That combined with the fact that he is just now breaking away from his father’s influence long enough to experience the world around him makes his realization that he does not have the same belief system that he once shared with his father inevitable. My only concern is that the possibility of Roman having an identity crisis due to his discovery of an isolated belief system. The poor boy is going to have a hard-enough time when he realizes he is gay… but to have his beliefs stripped away and rebuilt after defining himself by them so completely is going to be harder than anything he has ever faced.

I have barely managed to get through two paragraphs… Oof… We’re going to have to skim a bit if I’m going to get through this chapter in just four parts. We see Roman’s view points on LGBTQ+ community and his purity that we love so much! Then we see Karen’s (-.- You’re so F*ing static Karen!) view point of it. She suggests that they pray for them and their ‘wrong’ doings. Which would send me on a rant about ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ and the human constructions that they are… and morality… and we’re just going to skip all that ^.^.

I’m going to brush past a lot of the dialog here but there are somethings that I want to touch on. Firstly, Eva uses verbal irony so beautifully that it hurts. Karen mentions that the LGBTQ+ community’s allegiance shows ‘the damage [the community’s] lifestyle had done to [the community’s] morals’ and asks Roman if he wants to ‘help people see a more healthy way to live’ (Whatwashernameagain). What Karen is really implying is that all of these people are sinful and need to be punished for the atrocities of their life choices. Karen’s pleasant tone and careful wording helps conceal the real meaning of her words which makes the verbal irony here quite beautifully written. Though what do we expect from Eva?

Before Roman can give his full reply, she cuts him off like the bitch she is…

I might be projecting a bit… I apologize…

Though, I also want to point out that during the interaction between Karen and Roman she never refers to him as anything but ‘dear’. Now, this is probably a me thing, but I can’t help myself. So, if you’ve read all of my analysis, you’d know that I have a background in Law Enforcement. Why is this important? Well, one of the first lessons you learn as a woman in Law Enforcement is that you don’t ever, EVER, allow someone to get away with calling you anything but Officer, Ma’am, or by your last name. Now, it might not seem that important to most people, but how can you expect someone to respect you if they continuously call you ‘girl’, ‘baby’, ‘sweetheart’, or ‘dear’. These are pet names. There is no respect to be had when someone is calling you by a pet name… at least not in a professional sense (romantic relationships are a different story. My husband can call me baby anytime he wants, and I still know that he respects me). Granted, there are some people that do this unconsciously. I’ve seen it mostly in older men who call every woman younger than them ‘sugar’ or ‘darlin’.

Still, there is a problem presented here. I’ve mentioned a number of times throughout this analysis of our thoughts effect on the outside world (specifically water and thus ourselves). A person can mean no disrespect by calling someone in an authoritative position ‘dear’ and yet by doing so, they effect their own thoughts, even subconsciously, resulting in a disrespect they may not even be aware of.

Karen provides us with a prime example of this. She calls Roman ‘dear’ because she has no respect for him. In her eyes, Roman is nothing but a tool to be used for her own gain. He holds no respect from her. He is merely a child to be manipulated however she sees fits. Hence, while she is maneuvering the hero to where she wants him, she refers to him as ‘dear’.

The next issue is that Roman is putty in her hands. The next paragraph is a reminder of Roman’s gullible nature. We see him easing into Karen’s manipulations and blaming himself once more. We see the same self-deprecation that has become a Roman original. It reminds us that Roman’s insecurities are yet another tool that his team uses against him. I believe I have mention something similar to this before, but in the words of Napoleon Hill “The only limitation is that which one sets up in one’s own mine.” In other words, Roman is limiting himself with his self-insulting nature. Once he allows himself to let go of that he will be a force to reckon with, someone even Karen’s bitch-ass can’t handle.

However, we see another indication that Roman’s views no longer match up with his team’s. Though it is obvious once again that his tendencies to put himself down really hinder him from being the hero that he has always dreamed of being.  

“The fact that he wasn’t all that bothered by the shipping was probably making it worse. He was forgetting that his personal opinion wasn’t what mattered here” (Whatwashernameagain).

We also see him try to reaffirm his thoughts of Logan. He has to remind himself that his current thoughts of Logan are not what they are supposed to be. Logan is the Utilitarianist and the Utilitarianist is still his archenemy. Roman, still in denial, is trying to recenter himself for the task at hand. Of course, this also brings up the sense of paranoia that Karen is helping sew inside him. This conflict of course is more than just what it seems.

Roman’s dilemma of right and wrong is also a battle of his sexuality. It is a battler of his views. It is a battle of who he is. Is Roman the man that found comfort in another man’s arms? Or is Roman the man who subjected himself to torture to be what he thought the world needed? Is he larger than life or at the end of a day is he as vulnerable to his emotions as the rest of us are?

We also see more of that dramatic irony as Karen plants the notion that the Utilitarianist did not help individuals. While, for the most part this is true, there is more to this. We know that as the Utilitarianist Logan pays no attention to the individual. In that aspect Karen is correct. However, Logan has shown on more than one occasion, his appreciation for Roman’s work and his appreciation for Roman himself. This would imply that Karen is correct; The Utilitarianist does not help individuals just as the Dreamer would never seek the help of a villain. However, Logan would help an individual, just as Roman would seek comfort from another. These men are more than their uniform despite what Karen would have them believe.

Eva moves into foreshadowing with a simple sentence, a perfectly places three word sentence that hits us all where it hurts:

“Roman’s heart sank” (Whatwashernameagain).

Whatever is about to come is gonna hurt…

Karen claims they have found a way to fix the entire situation caused by the rescue… Still calling my bae ‘dear’ -.- Most of us know where this is going and…

Susan…

By the way, I love these horribly generic cis white names that Eva keeps coming up with. It’s hilarious. As for Susan’s description…

“Flipping open the file, Roman found that the solution was called Susan. She was a white woman with blonde hair and cornflower-blue eyes. Upper middle class. Conservative” (Whatwashernameagain).

I have so many issues with this… First off, leave it to these assholes to chiose a nazi’s wet dream for our boi. (No offense Eva, I love you and I think it was a perfect choice <3) So, to start off, they chose a woman that conform’s to America’s unrealistic standards of beauty. I’m sure she where’s far too much make up and could have any man in the world. This, of course, is in no way a shot at woman that look like this. Every person is beautiful, and I will not body shame someone no matter how they look. However, it is obvious that Eva created Susan to conform to these standards and thus needs to be addressed. The fact that Susan is Middle class is also a deliberate choice in the sense that if they chose a woman that was any higher Roman would be seen as greedy and shallow and if he were to be seen with someone of the lower class, he would lose funding. As for Conservative… Well… I don’t think I need to say anything here.

I’m going to move on before I get too annoyed with this. As we move forward, Karen notes that Roman looks spooked. This is call indirect characterization, which is when another character tells us something about a character. In this case Eva is using Karen to reinforce that Roman is uncomfortable with the opposite sex or romantic relations in general. Though as a reader we already are aware of the ship this fic is based around, so we know that the later probably isn’t true. Karen also refers to Susan as ‘A little friend’ which is very demeaning and implies that Karen sees Susan the same way she sees Roman, as a tool. It is obvious that Karen believes Roman can be persuaded by sex though his uncomfortable nature certainly speaks otherwise.

This also highlights a bit of the Right wing’s thoughts on women in general and how they should be treated though I feel as if I should refrain from pushing my own opinions on their beliefs into this analysis. However, in extremists’ case (both men and women) have repeated claimed that women have a specific ‘role’ in society, and it is not equal to their male counter parts. Now, the fact that I disagree may label me as a feminist, but I prefer the label of equalist as you will note when we get into the heartier bits of this chapter.

I once again want to remind everyone of the warning attached to this chapter. They are there for a reason, please pay attention to them.

“Roman stared at her, trying to find words for the sudden fear he felt. Laughter about his shocked expression filled the room, then quieted and finally tapered off into awkward silence.

“I… I need to think about it.” Roman had finally stuttered. Karen’s smile had grown forced” (Whatwashernameagain).

Here we see Roman faced with fear that is not surprising in an individual that has not realized he is homosexual. In fact, it is a very real and horrible feeling. I mentioned in my last post the fact that mental anguish can feel worse than physical and here we see a man being mentally tortured.

In a previous chapter I also discussed Roman’s inability to watch porn. Imagine, if you will, a man who has not accepted himself for who he is and can not allow himself the thought of two men together. Therefore, gay porn does not exist to him. Instead the only porn he knows of is male+female. The thought of sex with a female makes him uncomfortable and/or squeamish. He does not need to realize that he is gay to know this and instead probably thinks there is something wrong with himself. So, perhaps it is not the Roman is different from every other (sexually driven (because I realize there are different sexualities that do not have the same urges)) American’s out there, he is not alone, it is just that he doesn’t understand his own preferences. Our poor baby has never been taught how to cope in a heterosexual driven world and thus buries his true self from everyone including himself. This would make the forced relationship between himself and Susan all the more painful, no doubt.

As if to prove my point, Eva describes the room’s laughter at Roman’s hesitance. No doubt they know he is gay even if he doesn’t and finds his torture amusing. Though, our poor naïve RoRo probably doesn’t see it that way.

““Think about it? But of course, dear. We just want you to have a coffee together, go on a walk. If she’s not the right one for you, we can surely find another lady friend for you. Is it the hair color? The figure? We are very flexible for your preferences. Within a reasonable limit, of course.” She soothed him, patting his hand again” (Whatwashernameagain).

Karen of course, senses these things and tries to reassure Roman. She reminds him that their relationship doesn’t have to be sexual, in her subtle way. She also adds that if he doesn’t like Susan, they can find someone else more suited to his needs. However, she pointedly adds that it has to be ‘another lady friend’, which of course would imply that she is aware the Roman might be gay as well, and that it is unacceptable.

We also see Karen discussing women as if they can be ordered off a menu. I’ll take a five four Hispanic woman, hold the curves! Bitch please! You’re an over glorified pimp at this point! No one should be characterized in this manner, men, women, or non-binary! It is an outrage and the fact that it is so upsetting while still so subtle is another nod to how amazingly skilled the author is. Eva astounds us once again by creating a realistic subtle lifelike villain. Brava, Brava!

Roman sees Karen’s intended words as well, which is a development for the naïve man. He sees exactly what his limitations are:

“A reasonable limit meaning white, Christian, conservative, born American, cis, heterosexual female, his mind supplied. Suddenly, he felt terrible. His stomach hurt” (Whatwashernameagain).

By choosing a woman of these standards, Roman would be checking off all the boxes for his far Right winged team. If he misses any of these boxes it could send the wrong message. If she’s anything but heterosexual, then he supports LGBTQ+ communities. If she’s of any other culture, then he supports the minorities. If she is not conservative, then neither is he.

This is a big moment for the hero. He is finally grasping the idea of just how trapped he is there. He may be one of the strongest people in the world but the chains around him are heavier than those of a man in prison.

Still, fear is a powerful motivator and when faced with too much our instincts kick in. Roman faces his fight or flight instincts and fighting is not an option. So, he gives in. He agrees to Susan because what else can he do?

Still, ignoring the comment about men being men, that Eva know doubt added to hammer that last nail in Karen’s well-deserved coffin, we see more of Roman’s inner turmoil with his sexuality. “He tried not to think about the disastrous attempts at dating women, of the many nights he’d prayed to god to make him stop having those terrible thoughts, about his fear of going to hell for his dreams. He’d thought he’d escaped the pressure of going out with women when he’d dedicated his life to fighting for justice.

He buried himself under his blanket and tried not to think of her. This nice, normal girl, and about how wrong he felt imagining touching her” (Whatwashernameagain).

This gives me pause. Up until now it has been Roman’s unaware of his sexuality and at first seems much of the same; and yet, we see him mention dreams. What sort of dreams could Roman be having? Wet dreams of a certain vigilante? Probably nothing so lude, but a girl could dream. Regardless, it is possible that Roman is aware that he is homosexual and is simple repressing the knowledge for his own safety. Because, in a world as hostile as the one he is experiencing… Coming out can be as dangerous as stepping into the middle of a gang war…

     “Children with Politically Engaged Parents Are More Likely to Deviate from Their Parents' Political Views in Adulthood.” EUROPP, 17 May 2013, blogs.lse.ac.uk/europpblog/2013/05/17/children-with-politically-engaged-parents-are-more-likely-to-deviate-from-their-parents-political-views-in-adulthood/#Author.

Dinas, Elias. “Why Does the Apple Fall Far from the Tree? How Early Political Socialization Prompts Parent-Child Dissimilarity.” British Journal of Political Science, vol. 44, no. 4, 2014, pp. 827–852., doi:10.1017/S0007123413000033.

Whatwashernameagain. “The Dreamer - Chapter 1.” Hello Guys Gals And Non Binary Friends, 8 Sept. 2019, https://whatwashernameagain.tumblr.com/post/187581477262/the-dreamer-chapter-1.

#The Dreamer #literary analysis #analysis #so long! #Spoot is a nerd

[bringmetolife-pwff]

Chapter Sixteen - Date Night

"What do you say to a date night tonight?" Evelyn read the little white card that was signed from William that had a gorgeous bouquet of flowers on her desk at work.  

She smiled to herself as she thought about the man she had been seeing for the last couple of months.  He was different then she was used to.  A good different.  It was refreshing with him then her ex fiancé.  How he had such a calming personality but yet he knew how and when to have fun and let loose.  He was a bit awkward at times but that's what made him -- him.  She loved those things about him.  How he wasn't afraid to be himself when he was off royal duty and be able to mistakes.  It showed that he was human and that he was just like everyone else.

Evelyn didn't have anything to do right then as she decided to take her mobile out and dialed his phone number as he answered on the second ring.

"I'm assuming you received the flowers?" he asked as she could picture him wearing a smirk on his face.

"I did," she nodded her head even though he couldn't see, "they're lovely.  Thank you."

"Your welcome," he told her in a gentle voice.  "I just couldn't resist when I saw them.  What do you say to that date?"

"I say yes."

"Excellent.  Are you free tonight possibly?"

"Er -- ," she looked down at her schedule to see if she had anything to do and thankfully she didn't.  "I am.  What did you have in mind?"

"I was thinking we could meet up at my place and I will order take out?"

"That sounds good.  What did you have in mind?" she asked interested in the food as well.

"I was thinking Indian.  That all right with you?" he asked her as his eyebrows rose creating a crease on his forehead.

"Never tried it," she said honestly.  "But I'm looking forward to it."

"Never had it?" he said sounding shocked.  "Well, I know you love curry so I know just what to order for tonight.  You'll love it, promise.  I'm sorry there's not much we can do right now."

"It's okay, I promise.  I don't need to go out and be seen with you.  I like being able to get to know you where it's just the two of us.  I trust you," she let out a laugh looking forward to seeing him tonight and the food.  "I'll see you tonight, Wills."

"See you tonight."

They both bid each other goodbye and set a time for their date as the door to her office opened, revealing her assistant as she popped her head in the door.  

"All right if I come in?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, s'alright.  What's wrong?" Eve asked noticing the concerned look on her assistants face.

"I thought I could handle it without having to come to you but Anthropologie received your clothes but they didn't receive the full shipment.  We are trying to track it but nobody can find the tracking number," Sam said anxious as she bit her fingernail.  

"We always pay for the extra tracking.  How the bloody hell can no one find it?"

"I don't know what happened!  But we are unable to find where it is right now."

"Okay, Sam, calm down and breathe.  Get me on the phone with David and try to contact him, please?  I need to chat with him how we can sort this mess out," she sighs as she rubs the sides of her temples.

It had been a while that she had ran into a problem like this at her work so to her it only made a bit of sense that it would happen.  But why did it have to happen on a new line that no one had really seen in person yet?  David had most of the items already but he was missing on some pieces that no one had seen yet, not even on social media.  So if this got out there and in the wrong hands it could turn out bad.

She also wasn't sure why it seemed as though no one had paid for the tracking that they needed.  They always had and it was exactly for things like this -- so that things like this didn't happen.  

***

To say work had been disastrous was an understatement.  It had taken almost all day until they were finally able to track where the package was, somehow.  Evelyn also made sure to pay for the extra tracking not wanting to make the same mistake twice.  

Now was time for her date with William and she was looking forward to seeing him again.  She had that nervous but excited feeling in her stomach at the thought of being with him.  Changing out of her work clothes and into something much more comfortable and relaxed, black pants and a white jumper.  Her blonde hair was now down and in soft waves.  She sprayed on her favourite perfume and left.

The drive to William's she thought about the first time they met as children and then how they met again through Eric.  How they continued to stay close even in the midst of not always being in the same area.  She loved how comfortable she felt around him, so safe.  At the same time though, it scared her.  To know that she could feel completely and utterly herself around someone.  Knowing that he could probably break her heart.  

William had told her that when she was let in through the gates that she was able to open the door and walk in to his room.  

She hadn't even really felt this way about her ex -- Liam, not really.  Sure she had loved him but she didn't feel safe with him like she could be utterly and completely herself.  At least without being judged for it.

Opening the large doors, she walked down the familiar hallway and saw the familiar maid, Poppy.  She didn't want to interrupt her as she seemed to be in a deep cleaning mode and was in the opposite direction.  Instead, Evelyn walked onward until she stopped in front of his door and knocked before he opened the door for her.  

"How was work?" he asked her after they hugged and kissed.

"Long and disastrous," she let out a tired sigh.  "We ran into a big problem at work and it took hours to resolve.  How was your day?"

"What happened at work?  My day was alright.  I had to attend an engagement for my Granny, but that's it," he shrugged his shoulders.

"It was so frustrating," she rolled her eyes at the thought of what happened earlier today.  "Half of our parcel to David for Anthropologie got lost and we couldn't track it.  For some reason Eloise forgot to pay for extra tracking.  We were able to finally find it though and get it shipped.  If we didn't, that would have been an awful nightmare.  

"Well, how about we forget about our long days while eating, watch movies and enjoy each others company?" He asked as he caressed her shoulder as he brought her into his side.

"I like that," she agreed and stood up a bit on her toes to kiss his cheek.

William had ordered the Indian food in advance and it had arrived ten minutes before Evelyn showed up.  He had everything in his kitchen and they were still in their take out boxes as he didn't really feel like putting them on a plate as they could just scoop out the food and put them on their own plates.  

"I think you'll love Indian food, if not you can blame me and never eat it again," he jokes making her laugh and shake her head.

"Deal," she agrees looks at the Indian food he bought for the two of them.  "What d'you recommend?"

"Well, since you love curry, I did buy some from this restaurant.  

William had bought garlic nan bread which was Indian bread with nan topped with garlic and cilantro, swagat dinner for three which contained vegetable pakora/samosas, chicken tendoori, chicken tikka massala, lamb kadai, chicken curry, rice, nan and kheer.  Everything looked so good to Evelyn.

"Everything looks so good, I don't know where to begin," she exclaimed as she looked at all the food.

"Can I make a suggestion?" He asked as she nodded her head.

"Of course."

"Start with the chicken curry, along with the garlic nan bread.  If you don't mind having meat I suggest the lamb kadai along with rice."

Evelyn nodded her head and put everything on her plate that William had recommended to her.  After all, he was a pretty good expert on Indian food and she trusted his opinion.  After they put their food on their plates, they went over to the dining room table and started eating their food.

"This is so good," Evelyn let out a moan as she ate her food and swallowed it.  "You did good with the food tonight."

"Good, I'm glad you like it," he said as he swallowed his own food and took a sip of his wine.  "One of these days, I'll have to cook dinner for you."

"You cook?"

"Of course.  What did you think?  That we had a cook make our food for us?"

"Kind of," she laughed slightly as he did too, shaking his head.  "But really though, do you?"

"We do, yeah," he agreed with her.  "It's mainly for Christmas when we all go to Sandringham or for State dinners.  Any engagement we attend where there is food involved, really.  But for nights like tonight I'll either cook food or order take out.  What about you?  D'you cook?"

"I do, yeah.  I love it.  It almost acts as a stress reliever for me, especially on those busy days when I feel exhausted coming home from work or if I had a fight with Liam.  It's nice because it helps me almost wind down from the day and focus on creating something.  What are the State dinners like?"

"They can be very long.  They are formal dinners that we have with five course meals.  It involves the Civil Service, the Royal Household and the Household Division.  They involve the fifteen Commonwealth realms.  It's all very interesting but can be a bit boring sometimes as well.  What do you say about watching a scary movie?" He asked her as they had finished their dinner and were putting their dishes in the sink.  They were cuddled on the couch now.

"What one did you have in mind?"

"Would you be all right with watching The Shining?"

"Yeah, that's okay."

To be honest, Evelyn rarely watched scary movies, mainly because she didn't like being scared.  She was one of the few of her friends who didn't like scary movies at all.  But she didn't want to disappoint William though, especially because he seemed to want to watch the movie with her.  

Evelyn sat down on the couch as William put in the movie and sat down next to her putting his arm around her as she cuddled into his side.  It had been a while since she had seen a scary movie and while she wasn't particularly looking forward to seeing this movie, she was looking forward to cuddling with William.

The movie started and the beautiful scenery of Colorado showed on the screen as Evelyn stared at the majestic mountains with wonder.  So far it wasn't bad but she knew that it wouldn't stay that way.  This was a scary movie after all.  

"What the hell was that?" Evelyn screeched jumping slightly due to the scary music that played right then as William laughed at her behaviour, pausing the movie.

"Evelyn, do you not like scary movies?" He frowned, more concerned with her.

"No," she frowned slightly.  "Not really," Evelyn confessed.

"Then why would you be okay with watching it with me?" William asked with concern in his eyes.

"Because you seemed like you really wanted to watch it and I figured we could cuddle," she mumbled the last part.

"Eve, we don't have to watch it if it scares you too much.  I really just chose the movie to spend more time with you."

"Really?" She asks looking up at him through her lashes.

"Really," he confesses grabbing her hands and kissing her knuckles.

The sweet gesture warming her heart.  She felt like her heart fluttered from the affection.  She hadn't had this kind of physical touch in a relationship in so long and hadn't realised how much she missed it.  

"I think I'm okay.  I want to watch it," she told him honestly.

"You sure?" He asked a bit skeptical.

Rolling her eyes playfully, she pressed play and leaned into his side kissing his cheek as they continued to watch the rest of the movie.

#bringmetolife-pwff britishroyalfamily bennettfamily princewilliamxoc

[msbeccieboo]

Arrow 8x09 Brain Dump

It was...not all bad. I really want to like this. I love Mia, William and FTA. I want to enjoy BS like I did in S7. I want to see Dinah written consistently with any kind of actual character. Well, at least my love for FTA is still intact 😂😂

Mia

Kat was brilliant in this episode. Her leading lady really jumped out 😂😂 Her emotional moments hit the mark, and I think she juggled her post-Crisis new life with her old memories brilliantly.

We opened on her waking up in the Queen mansion(!), with a very yummy Diggle Jr in her bed, only it’s JJ not Connor 😱😱 She’s also surrounded by adorable family photos, showing that Oliver got his wish of her and William growing up together (and confirmation that the Olicity Love Cabin still existed!) Basically, she’s living the best life that Oliver could have wished for her, without him in it, of course 😭

Probably the most notable change in ‘new Mia’ (other than her being infinitely happier and living in a crime-free city) was her social poise. She’s been brought up in Oliver Queen’s old world, and is quite the socialite, only without any of the haughty frivolity that one might expect (I imagine we have Felicity for that 😍). She loves her life and her friends, and she defends them, especially in the face of Laurel, who seemingly does nothing but scoff at her lifestyle for the whole episode 😒 I loved her addressing the press!! That was pure Queen! Maybe the influence of a certain Aunt Thea?

Source: feilcityqueen

More below the cut…

Basically this Mia is smart and loving and happy, and Oliver gave her a warm and otherwise full life, save for finding her true purpose (which is gonna be vigilanteing, of course). So of course BS and Dinah rock up and upend it all 😂 I really liked how they made the returning of Mia’s memories a source of conflict, as well they should. It was so brutal to just return them with no preamble, to destroy what happiness Oliver had given back to her, just because, what? BS couldn’t complete her own fucking mission? (More of that later lol) Then Mia standing up to BS when she went as far as to mock Mia’s new world, just gave me life!!!

Anyway, with her memories restored, and bad guys to track down, of course Mia couldn’t resist her heroic calling and suited up, then proceeded to be the epic badass that we have grown to love.

Source: kathmcnamara

I loved seeing her struggle with her memories returning, and the guilt that they brought with them of not living up to Oliver’s legacy. At the same time, she appreciates what Oliver did for her, that all he wanted for his family and the city was to be safe and happy. She ultimately decides to remain the Green Arrow, taking up the guard of her city in her father’s memory, to protect the new world that he sacrificed himself to create.

Source: felicityqueen

We’d seen she’d developed her ‘street smarts’ in the flash-forwards, so I think she’ll end up bringing these together with her new social skills, and badass moves, and be an unstoppable force!! Hopefully that will include her old FTA team as well, and not just the two feathered ones 🙄

FTA/JJ

God this needed more FTA.

We got a small amount of William, more of JJ, what with him being Mia’s fiance (!!), and little more than fleeting glances of Zoe (!) and Connor. The disrespect!! 😂

William (who even knows his surname in this new life?) continues to hold my whole heart in his hands 😍😍

Source: oliverxfelicity

LOOK AT HIM!!!!💗💗💗

He seems to have been least affected in terms of his character, post-crisis. It’s implied that he’s running Smoak Tech, and that he and Mia grew up together and are basically each others’ ride-or-dies 😭😍😭 

I truly hope if the show is picked up, that they increase the William content by a solid 1000% 😂 He brings so much heart and a certain humour and lightness, just like Felicity brought to Arrow, and Ben is such an amazing actor. The new show will need a William. BADLY. He really seems to have his shit together (in the very limited time we have seen him of course 😒), but I’m hoping that that doesn’t lead to Mia keeping her memories from him for long (although remembering who their Dad is, I’m guessing she could take a while 😂😂).

So JJ proposes to Mia at the beginning of the episode!!!! Apparently they are the love of each others lives here. Dig clearly learned from what Connor told him, and steered JJ away from becoming a murdering gangster...YAY! Although it seems that in doing so, our darling boy Connor ran into a few issues of his own 😫😫 It looks like there is no love lost between him and Mia, that he has been in and out of rehab, and is now somewhat of a bad boy 😏😏 But when they first lock eyes there is still definite history and heat there and, just HJJHDFVGDFK 🔥 BACKSTORY IS NEEDED!! Then at the end, JJ has his memories restored by scary-dude-in-cloak (who I was totally hoping would be Dig or Oliver tbh 😂), so I’m super interested to see how he copes with his dual memories!! So now Mia loves JJ, but knows he was evil and killed Zoe, and she hated Connor, but now remembers they had feelings for each other and that he is a beautiful soul, and all the shit is gonna hit the fan!!! I usually hate love triangles, but this is so exciting, with the good boy/bad boy switch up, and then the opposite memories being returned...YAAAAASSSS!! Although I’d like to make it clear that, whilst I’m going to enjoy the drama getting there, I am firmly in the SmoaknHawke end game camp!! 

And as excited as I just got, all of this took up just about 5 mins of screen time 😫😫 It reminds me of what Arrow was lacking in its early episodes...heart and hope. They lucked into it with Felicity/Emily, but they have it here, ready and waiting, and are so far not using it.

Kat knows what’s what. This is the show we deserve. 

Birds

There was a lot of bird action. Apparently in shaping a perfect future, Oliver saw fit that Mia never met BS or Dinah...this is why we stan 😂😂 Dinah has also seemingly been erased from the history books 😬, waking up after Oliver’s funeral (😒😭) 20 years in the future, so naturally becomes a bohemian, opens a bar and sings a lot. Cool, I’d probably do the same 😂😂 Laurel, it seems, went off to spend time with Sara, and has apparently become a solo time-traveller, trying to stop 2041 from becoming a really bad year. Righto. 

Dinah was actually ok in this episode, if not hugely out of character, but that in itself has been inconsistent throughout the show, so here’s hoping that the zen-filled peacemaker that she was in this episode continues! Dinah’s new-found peace and bearability seemingly comes at the cost of Laurel being utterly awful. She rocked up in the future like Billy Big Bollocks with a huge chip on her shoulder, just sneering her way through the episode. She had such bitterness, disdain and anger directed towards Mia (and Dinah, at times) for no apparent reason, when they seemed to have somewhat bonded previously?! She spent the majority of the episode sauntering around looking down on everyone, portraying a bitchy-tomboy type, deeming anything vaguely typically feminine or not hard-moody-’badass’ as beneath her. This is not #girlpower. Fuck off.

Then we have that clusterfuck of a scene at the exhibition 🙈🙈 where BS tries to tell Mia that she used to date her Dad, before quickly correcting herself to “some version of him, anyway”, as if they were one and the same 🙄 Laurel’s continual need to imply that she knows, or has history with our Oliver is infuriating as hell. E2 Oliver died on the Gambit in his early 20s. Even if he was similar in character to E1 Oliver up until then, that person bears no likeness to the man he became. Her past with her ‘Ollie’ is entirely irrelevant to the man that was Mia’s father, who she barely even got to know at all save for a couple of episodes in S8. And not only the implication that she knew him, but then to actually try to trash him as well, to his kid?! All to push her idea that all versions of people are the same (which was refuted when JJ doesn’t even turn out to be behind the Deathstroke mask anyhow)? NO! At least Dinah and Mia were cringing along with us 😂

It’s just astounding, the turnaround they’ve managed with Laurel/BS. They already did the unthinkable in S7 and got a lot of people from this side of the fandom to empathise and warm to her, without pissing off her existing fans. I really did grow to like her in S7 (check my reviews, I still can’t believe it 😂), she was snarky, but not bitchy, and showed some heart and vulnerability. So it’s mind-blowing how they took all that growth and just obliterated it this season, and then even more so in this episode where she is just plain nasty and unlikeable. 

I do think, however, that giving BS and Mia a tempestuous relationship from the off was a good idea, cos let’s face it, you can tell there is no love lost between them. But they could have made them clash in a better way than BS just being an arsehole to Mia for most of the episode. My best guess is her anger comes from Mia coming out of Crisis with a life untouched by violence, whilst her earth was still lost? (Was it? I can’t actually remember if E2 came back.) She can’t complete her self-appointed mission on her own and knows she needs Mia’s help to do it?? I don’t know. She had a lot to say about JJ supposedly being a ‘homicidal manic’...pot, kettle much?! She also seemed to find the notion of Mia initially wanting to just appreciate the peaceful life she had been given and not becoming a vigilante reprehensible, but why? BS is the one that needs to atone for past sins. Mia does not. 

Stray thoughts

That cliffhanger!!! WHO TOOK OUR WILLIAM?!?!?!

The music was...not good. Especially during the fight scenes. Arrow was always so on-point with its score. I don’t understand how this can be so bad?! I did like hearing Mia’s theme in there, though, that was a nice tie-in the old flash-forwards.

Who is this Kevin that cheated on William? He must be destroyed!😡

Some of that future make-up was really something 😬😬 2040 is all about the severe/dead and unblended looks, apparently. The fashion was fabulous though!

The dialogue in the action scenes was soooo hammy.

Who is the mysterious, villainous “she”???

“Frack you!” and “I’m not interested in joining your Canary club” YAASS MIA 😂

William and Mia’s “pet rock” talk was super cute 😍 

Oliver’s statue!! 😭😭😭

Hopes for the future, if series gets picked up:

Increased focus on Mia/FTA. We have such a fresh, interesting, diverse cast, with intertwined back stories ready to go for this show here already, waiting to be used. USE THEM.

A deadly outbreak of avian flu 😂🙊

Failing said outbreak...keep the birds in the background or MAKE THEM LIKEABLE. This is a chance for a clean slate!

I wanna see Papa Dig so bad. David had said we’d get to see 2040 Dig in Arrow, but looks like that isn’t going to happen now, and I’d just love to see how he is. I can also imagine David being entirely done, and not wanting to be a part of this, however, but a cheeky little cameo would be amazing 😂

SmoaknHawke to RISE 🔥🔥🔥

As it stands, I’ll watch if it goes to series, but for how long remains in question. I just know I cannot get on board with the faux feminist “heart/vulnerability/girly is ‘weak’! Let’s be hard/edgy/angry badasses and fight men and show the world we’re strong pow pow pow” narrative that BS in particular, but also the general tone of the show overall, is trying to portray. I really think that if the show is picked up that they should look to see what is working and what is falling flat on its arse. It’s in dire need of more heart and fewer birds imo, but we can have both, if they’d just write them as better people.

Thank you to the beautiful gif-makers 😘 Any uncredited gifs are mine.

💗💗💗

#Arrow 8x09 #Arrow #Arrow spoilers #Mia Smoak Queen #Green Arrow and the canaries #Arrow Season 8 #beccie's brain

[nexstage]

LIMBO SILVAM - PART 9 (3/3)

"It's better if you hold onto my back" Lapis suggested "I don't want you to have an accident because of another issue your body might have"

 "I'll be fine. My head doesn't hurt that much anymore. Just numb and empty. Maybe If we do this slowly, we can reach the peak without more difficulties to deal with"

 "Are you completely sure?" Lapis wasn't that convinced of letting Peridot continue after witnessing how fragile she was.

 "I'll climb first and you will follow me from behind. That way, if I collapse or something, you can catch me. I'll be careful and tell you if I'm too tired to keep going, ok?"

 "Again, are you truly sure?" Lapis wanted to trust Peridot's judgment but with everything they have endured, it was proving too hard for her to change her mind. "Yeah, Laz. I'll be fine. I will take all the precautions"

 "Alright then. Go first" The green gem walked a bit clumsily while her companion kept a worried eye on her. Resolutely, she started escalating without pushing herself at the limit. Soon, her efforts became a bit quicker and more encouraged which brought a smile to Lapis' face. Despite the turbulent journey, they were having, her lover hadn't lost that brave and hardworking spark of hers and she wanted it to be that way.

 Because that was one of the things she admired of Peridot most, that no matter what she was always ready to fight back and help. Whenever the little Crystal Gem had an idea to improve Little Homeworld or a plan to make an important mission successful, that spark was present in her eyes and never wavered. But with this kind of journey, Lapis noticed how burnt out it got.

 Their powers not working, the deteriorating symptoms, the dangers and especially the void where they were stuck for who knows how long had taken away so much energy from Peri that it was a miracle she was still trying to fight. Though, if she had been alone during the whole ordeal, things would have been worse and Lapis didn't want to imagine her companion giving up because of that.

 The good news now was that they're closer than ever to finish this. Once they reached the peak and got to the other side, who knew what other challenges they would face. All they've gone through may be worth it or not, the sole thought of having wasted so much time in a solution that never existed, except in their own heads, was too scary for Lapis to dwell on.

 'We need to keep climbing, keep walking. There is no time for doubts' She told herself mentally. One hand grabbed a sharp icicle while her eyes were focused on Peridot. For now, things seemed to be fine with the green gem; however, the blue one had this sensation of being torn apart. Many forces were pulling her limbs, her head, her mind, every corner of her being in all directions. Like two or more beasts were fighting for prey by ripping it to pieces with claws and fangs.

 'Not now. Oh stars, not now. Not when I have to be there for Peri' Her gemstone felt cold, but not the normal kind. It was foreign, ominous and macabre. Like Death's claws claiming for its next victim who didn't stop fighting against the spectrum. Her anxiety skyrocketed, Lapis trembled violently, struggling for keeping her balance and sanity.

 Then, terror, her gemstone emanated paralyzing waves that made her believe she was going to break apart. Is that how it felt being shattered or at the brink of destruction? She swallowed the pain, poofing her chest with fake pride imitating Peridot's ego-boosting gestures, but it only made it worse. What was this torture?

 All her worst feelings and fears scattered in her mind while her body stopped, kept climbing, stopped, glitched. 'My head... I think I'm going to--'

 "Lapis, take my hand! Take it quickly!" Peridot yelled. Her voice sounded distant as if she were thousands of meters away from the blue gem. Her eyes could barely distinguish colors and shapes, all looked like a scribbled picture. One of her hands, however, was raised unconsciously to where she thought Peridot was.

 Her companion took it immediately and pulled with all her strength until she got Lapis at her side. The other, though, didn't respond or react, utterly numb for the sinister wave of sensations produced by her gemstone.

 "Shit!" Peridot swore after checking Lapis' back. Instead of being gray like the rest of her body had turned, it was almost covered in thick dark veins that came from her gemstone making it look like it'd been painted with black. There was no doubt that whatever that was happening to them, especially to Lapis was a new kind of corruption that could shatter them if not treated.

 "P-Peri... Where are we?" Lazuli murmured, drunk by fatigue. Her lover placed her gently on the side of an old arch and waited for the svelte gem to regain consciousness. "Lapis, you need to wait for me to show you. You aren't in the conditions to see it yet"

 "See what?"

 "Just breathe and rest for a while. You almost fainted and fall, Lapis. You could've cracked your gem" Peridot, for some reason she didn't know, sounded between panicked and totally done. Almost like Lazuli's old self.

 The blue gem breathed one, two, three, so many times as possible. Minutes passed until coming to half an hour, Lapis' trance and numbness finally giving space to clarity. "Ugh" the blue Crystal Gem pinched the bridge of her nose to rid of the draining headache pulsating inside her skull "Ok... Ok... I...waited already... Where are we now?"

 "Look at your right"

 Lapis did and her gasping was signal enough for Peridot to know that she was as surprised as the green gem had been a bit before.

 In front of them was the breathtaking and majestic mountain in all its splendor. Above it, there was a beautiful blue sky and fluffy, white clouds. It really gave you some peace for the mind compared to the rest of the journey that was the total opposite.

 "I can't believe it... Peri, we arrived!"

 "Well, not exactly but yeah, we just need to cross the huge and deadly cliff that is in our way and we'll finally have reached the peak. The only problem, though, it's...that there is no bridge"

 Oh...

 OH...

 "Fuck" Lapis swore and leaned her back on the right side of the arch. "Now what?"

 "Beats me. How do you feel though? You really gave a big scare back then. Your symptoms are getting to a point of being incurable. I-I don't want to imagine what will happen if we don't find Steven in time to treat you"

 "I say the same for you, Peri. I thought you were going to glitch and disappear. Heck, the only thing we need right now is a miracle to cross this cliff without getting ourselves shattered"

 Something crossed Peridot's mind. A miracle? Could that happen again? But what if not? What if that time was just luck? But still, they had endured terrible things, survived multiple attacks from monsters, being powerless and terribly sick, you can name them all. Maybe this cliff was the last test of their mental strength and unity.

 "Laz, let's do it" Peridot's determined expression was met by Lapis' confused eyes. "What do you mean?"

 "You said a miracle was the only thing that could help us now, and when we thought we were stuck in that void, something between us happened that got us out of there! What if we create another miracle to reach the peak?"

 "But how? I mean, wasn't it lucky?"

 "We had luck many times even when we faced together threats no one could stand. The Diamonds, Jasper, those monsters. However, there was something that gave us a real chance and that was being there for each other till the end. No hesitation, no fear, just focusing on what we wanted to do, what we wanted to accomplish. We can do it again"

 "If by that you're implying that we can fly by jumping such a huge cliff, then forget it. It's suicide"

 "We have seen things that shouldn't be normal on Earth after learning how things work on it. Please, Lapis, don't take this as if I'm desperate. This is our last leap of faith. Remember that episode from Camp Pining Hearts when Pierre and Percy made that jump together from one side of the end of the cave to the other side where the others were, even when the move was risky and with a high probability of failure and death and still they did it and survived?"

 "This is completely different from Camp Pining Hearts, Peridot"

 "What if it isn't? What if it's our chance to do the same and end this ordeal once and for all? I mean, there are no materials to build a bridge or another path to reach the peak. This is the solution. Faith in ourselves and each other, and then jump"

 "But if we die?" Peridot opened her mouth, then closed it due to the lack of good answers. If they die... If they did, then there would be nothing but the Afterlife, whatever it looked. Both gems had come so far, giving up wasn't an option. This was worth a shot. "If that happens, we'll at least have each other. Like in that void. Besides, if the Diamonds couldn't stop us, this stupid cliff can't either"

 Lapis wasn't that sure about it. During the whole journey they had been so close to death; however, at seeing Peri's unwavering decision some of the strength that was vanishing from her returned making her smile filled with resolution "Let's defeat that cliff then"

 The green gem took her hand, both Crystal Gems held tightly to their partner ready to run and do the leap of faith, but before that Lapis kissed her lover deeply much to Peridot's surprise "Just an extra power boost" the former technician blushed profusely and faked a cough much to Lazuli's happiness.

 "Ready, Lapis?"

 "Ready" said the blue gem and the two started running even with the numbing pain and back-breaking exhaustion. Everything went in slow camera when they made the jump, their hands locked with the other's, then they descended until... Clack!! Their feet collided with something hard that wasn’t there. Both looked at each other, shocked to the core; however, they didn't have time to ponder what had happened because the invisible bridge began to break apart.

 Lapis got up immediately and pulled Peridot so they could run more easily. Every step felt like a stab in some part of her body, of her gemstone. Peri, on the other hand, was having some difficulties in catching up with her companion but the fear of death gave her the impulse necessary to accelerate. The peak was getting closer, the bridge was trembling with their movements, their sight was being consumed by darkness, but the loving longing of home pulled them more and more to their goal.

 "Just a bit more, Dot!" Lapis shaking legs were at the brink of tripping "Just a bit--" then her feet felt no more ground. The bridge broke in pieces beneath her and Peri.

 'Oh no! Not now! Screw it!' Lazuli's last bit of energy was spent in a life-saving move by jumping to grab the edge of the peak, Peridot's hand still held by hers. Her arm felt like it was being torn mercilessly, the extra effort sending flames to the tired muscles, so agonizing. "Peridot, I'm gonna throw you to the peak! You help me from there!"

 "Roger!" The mechanic then was tossed and put to safety when she made it to the crevice of the mountain. Without losing time, she grabbed Lapis' right hand and pulled until the blue gem was on her knees on the snow-covered ground. Both fell to their backs, one at the other's side and in seconds snorts and cackles erupted from them until forming into massive laughter.

 Pain, numbness, danger, and terror became in overflowing joy and relief. They made it. They finally, truly made it!

 "WE MADE IT!!!!!!!!" Peridot yelled, raising her hands to the air like rubbing her victory to the skies' face.

 Lapis, meanwhile, cleaned her teary eyes, smile as big as the mountain "Yeah, Peri, we did it. You were right"

 "And now... Home. The other side where our friends and family are" The engineer helped the ex terraformer to get on her feet and both looked the beautiful light in front of them. The crevice in the peak of the mountain was narrow but inviting, like a tranquil path to a peaceful and calm place to rest and forget all the turmoils suffered at the beginning of their journey.

 "Let's go, Dot. This time it will be...easy peasy... Just walking..." Lapis was at the brink of fainting though her wishes of being in Little Homeworld again lifted her strengths even if by bits. "Yeah, come on" Peridot took her hand again and both walked, clumsily and drunk by fatigue.

 The former technician could picture already what she would do once they were home. Oh, all the stories she'd tell the Crystal Gems and Steven, they would be ecstatic to hear them and happy to have her back. Peridot would return as a hero again and even announce that she and Lapis were deeply in loved and had confessed to each other. There would be a great celebration and much more. The future was bright and there was nothing that may take it away from her.

 Lapis hummed a song, her mind conjuring lots of scenarios where the blue gem and her lover lived happily ever after, had fun and laughed like there was no tomorrow. To think that one day someone like her who had been trapped in a mirror for so long and made so many mistakes might imagine a life filled with hope and love. It was so daring but joyful in the end, something that very soon she was going to have again. Peridot and she would visit Pumpkin's tomb, watch Camp Pining Hearts, remember the good times, hang out with Bismuth, Steven, and most importantly, being together like they had never done before.

 And all of that was going to become a reality once they saw what was beyond the light.

 "It all...became...so lovely..." her eyes felt heavier with every step "Those bluest... skies...above me..." the end of the crevice was so close "Those...funny feelings... I...had never...felt before...I...met you... I finally...find myself...sitting on...that distant...shore" Peridot's hand slipped from hers, the green gem entering to the light-filled terrain beyond the crevice. However, something prevented Lapis from following the little gem. Her knees colliding with the ground, but still smiling, still feeling Peri's hand locked with her own while watching her away.

 "With you...I'm not...alone..." The svelte gem fell face down with a joyful expression in her face. 'We're finally going home' she thought, shedding a little tear of happiness.

 "I can see it, Laz. I can see our home" Peridot kept walking, ignorant that Lapis couldn't follow her despite having the sensation of the blue gem's hand on hers tightly. The former technician got farther and farther away until the light completely consumed her.

#lapis lazuli #peridot #lapidot #video game inspired #dark #angst #mystery

[afictionaladventure16]

Side Effects May Include (Tony Stark x Daughter)

Part 10

Side Effects May Include (Masterlist)

Warnings: foul language, mention and descriptions of rape

Word Count: 1,635

I had been working on the prototype of my suit that I wanted to show my dad, something to get my mind off things. Although I may never wear the suit one day I still liked to wear on it, maybe it could work for someone else. I never know. “Ms. Stark there is a Ms. Smith is in the main hall waiting for you,” I heard Friday say.

“Thank you, Friday,” I quickly got off my desk chair and walked over to the main hall to see Nat and Bucky talking to Jasmine, I assumed they were done with their training for the day, “there she is!” Nat exclaimed as she spotted me, “we were just going to get one of Steve’s famous smoothies when I saw Jasmine here, thought I’d introduce her to the newest member to the Avenger family.”

Bucky smiled at the both of us, “Well, it was nice meeting you, Mr. Barnes,” Jasmine said politely, she turned to me, “I believe these are for you.”

I plastered a smile on my face, “thank you so much for bringing these.”

“It’s no problem, it’s what friends are for, right?”

I nod, “anyway, want to come to my room so I can give you that thumb drive for your art class?” She looked at me confused, “don’t tell me you forgot,” I exclaimed, I laughed and looked over at Bucky and Nat, “She can be such a blonde sometimes.” Playfully rolling my eyes, I grabbed Jasmine’s arm, “come on, Jasmine.”

“Well, we’ll see you, girls, later!” Nat said as they walked away.

Jasmine chuckled slightly as she followed me down the hallway, we entered the elevator, “What the hell was that about?” I held my finger up to my mouth, indicating for her to stay silent. Once we had gotten to my floor, I led her to my room. Closing the door behind her. “Well?” I still didn’t say anything, I calmly went over to my desktop.

I began typing in a code into the system, “Ms. Stark?” I heard Friday’s voice slowly drag out and with that, I had locked Friday out of my room.

“What the hell, Liv?” Jasmine said as I got off my desk chair.

“We’ve got fifteen minutes until my dad realizes what’s happened to Friday. Now, I want to know, was there anything said about me during school?”

She shrugged, “nothing,” but she didn’t look me in the eye, in fact, she avoided any eye contact with me since I’ve seen her.

“Bullshit, Jas,” I whispered.

She sighed, “I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”

“I think that damage was done long ago by someone else,” I said softly.

“He’s just been saying shit,” she muttered, “it’s no big deal.”

“Well, it sure as hell looks like it because you won’t make eye contact with me you only do that when you’re avoiding something.”

She groaned, “I hate that you know me so well!” She huffed, “fine! Bren is saying you ditched school because you’re ashamed of being a whore, you’re ashamed of your secret whore life is now out in the open!”

“Out in the open? What does he mean by that?” I looked at her confused.

“There may be footage of you, looking plastered, going around on Facebook…”

“May?”

“Okay, there is,” she sighed.

“Anything else?” I asked as I crossed my arms, all I wanted to do was go on Facebook and look for that footage, maybe I can hack into whoever’s account it is and take it down.

“Liam is worried about you.”

“If he was really worried, he’d text me.”

“Are you saying that he doesn’t have the right to worry?”

“I’m saying that, if he really did give a damn, I would have received some sort of message from through either text, snapchat, hell Instagram messages!”

She took in a deep breath, “have you told anyone else about the situation?” She was changing the subject, probably because she didn’t fully agree with me.

“No,” I sighed, “not even Liam so who knows what he’s thinking right now.”

“That’s probably why he hasn’t messaged you,” she defended.

“Yeah, well, if he was so worried, he’d still would have contacted me asking what was up.”

She shook her head, “are you going to tell anyone? Liam? Peter?”

“No. I’m not going to either, why should I?”

“Moral support? A healthy way of coping with this trauma, hell, justice!”

“Justice?” I scoffed, “are you hearing yourself right now? You sound like a seven-year-old who’s seen a Batman movie and is all about justice now.”

“Look, I’m not the one having nightmares to the point that I can’t sleep, having to miss out on school!”

“Who told you that?”

“Nat,” she whispered, “I know damn well, those nightmares aren’t about your mother… It’s getting to your head, Liv! Your mental health! You need to tell your family so you can seek help! I’m just trying to be a good friend here.”

“I don’t need help!” I exclaimed, “I’m perfectly fine on my own.” I wasn’t. but how can I tell my dad that I had been raped? It’ll break him. Everything he’s done to protect me… He’ll blame himself.

“Yes, you do! You need some damn help!”

“Just stop!” I took a deep breath, “you don’t know what I’ve been through, Jasmine, I don’t even remember what happened that night. I just remember waking up in an empty bed, an empty bed that belonged to a stranger and I was in fucking pain! Do you know how scary that was? To see yourself bleeding down there for no reason? For it to hurt to fucking move!?”

She sighed, looking towards the ground, “did you ever think that maybe you actually enjoyed it?”

“What?” I asked in disbelief, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, was she really asking me this question? After what I had just partially described what I had gone through to her?

“I’m just saying, have you ever thought of it?”

“How could you ask me that!?”

“Maybe because there’s a video going around of you looking completely wasted!”

“I only had one drink that night and it sure as hell wasn’t alcoholic.”

“Not from the looks of it,” she whispered.

“What are you trying to say, Jasmine? That I’m lying about the whole thing?” She stood quiet, I watched as she leaned from one leg to the other, slowly raising to look at me.

“I’m trying to say that maybe you wanted it? I mean you said it yourself, Liv, you don’t recall what happened that night.”

I scoffed, “But I do know for damn sure I didn’t want any of it.”

“How can you be so sure if you don’t remember?” She let out a deep breath as she got her phone out, “I mean these videos are kind of convincing that you were asking for it,” she said as she showed me a video of me sitting down, I clearly looked out of the influence, but I’ve seen drunk. That wasn’t it.

I shook my head, “I wasn’t drunk, jasmine!”

“Come on, Liv, no one will blame you if you were.”

“What the hell, Jasmine! You’re my friend! You’re supposed to side with me! Support me!”

“Well, how can I when you’re playing all Ms. Independent over here! It’s making me think that maybe Bren is telling the truth! He told me himself you know? I defended you but now I’m not so sure.”

“I’m just trying to protect myself!”

“From what? Me? Do you think I’m going to stab you in the back?!”

“Well, you kind of just did,” I stated, I then shook my head, “no, you did, Jasmine. You did just stab my back.”

Jasmine looked at me, I clearly hurt her with my words, but she has no idea how much she has hurt me. “Fine then, once you’re done with this whole independence thing, let me know because I’m not going to stand around and watch you slowly drive yourself insane because you can’t remember what happened that night.” She grabbed her backpack from the bed

“Alright, and you let me know when you know whose friend you actually are, me or Bren’s.” She shook her head in disbelief and left my room.

I heard footsteps coming closer to my room, “Hey, kiddo! Mind if I come in?” My dad asked from the doorway. I had been facing the opposite direction, I quickly wiped away the tears threatening to fall, “sure,” I said softly.

“Seems Friday got locked out of your rooms system, want to tell me what happened there?” He asked as he made his way over to my desktop.

I walked over to him, giving him a small shrug, “I must’ve pressed something on accident.”

“Well, accidents happen,” he said with a smile, “but a good thing about accidents is that they can be fixed.” He typed a few buttons and Friday was back on. My dad looked over at me and frowned slightly, “hey, what’s wrong?”

I shook my head, “nothing.”

“We had a bonding moment today, don’t let that go away, now what’s wrong?”

I sighed and hugged my dad, “I love you, dad. You know, that right?”

He chuckled, “of course I do, sweetie,” he kissed the top of my head.

And for that minute, I felt safe. Even though, in my mind, it took everything in me to convince myself to hug my dad, because a man's embrace might not ever feel the same again even though he was my father. I didn’t want it to be that way but part of me just wanted to retreat and hide, but this was something I wasn’t going to let my mind take away. Something that I won’t let Bren destroy.

Whaaaa?? Two updates in a row?! I know, I’ve been getting some inspiration lately! Anyway, feedback, like always, is highly appreciated! 

QUESTION: What do you think about Jasmine now? How do you think Olivia’s return to school is going to play out? What would YOU like to see happen? Suggestions? Don’t be afraid to leave a reply and let me know what you think! Hell, a DM even! 

Side Effects May Include taglist is closed! Permanent taglist is open!  ! 

Taglists: @mountainsforwords @spiderlingsweb @emmii4 @henrietteoaks @happy-days-22 @abitofeverythinggg @oliolioxiclean  @littlephoenix-fire @just4muggles @purplekitten30 @chloesfanficreblogs @honeycvmbs @jakiki94 @trulysmoakin @yourwonderbelle @sarahps177 @griff1ndor @cr4zyimagines @mountainsforwords @myforeveryoungblog

#tony stark #tony #tony stark daughter #tony stark iron man #tony stark avengers #tony stark fanfic #tony stark fic #tony stark fan #tony stark fanfiction #tony stark daughter fic #tony stark daughter imagine #tony stark daughter one shot #tony stark daughter fanfiction #tony stark daughter fanfic #iron man #iron man x daughter #tony stark x daughter #tony stark x daughter fanfic #tony stark x reader #tony stark x daughter fanfiction #tony stark x daughter imagine #tony stark x daughter one shot #side effects may include #captain america #steve rogers #bucky barnes #natasha romanoff #winter soldier #black widow #iron man imagine

[kyosohmastan]

Hajime and the Curse (Part 2)

Thank you for your kind words on the first part! I was really nervous to share it because I didn’t have the biggest confidence in my writing, but I’m glad y’all liked it. Here’s the second part and I hope you enjoy it!

Here’s the link to part 1 in case this is your first time hearing of this: https://kyosohmastan.tumblr.com/post/186271984339/hajime-and-the-curse-part-1/embed

The rest of the day went by without any further issues. However, I was still shaken up from meeting my dad’s father. I’ve been anxious to get home to hear about this curse, as unbelievable as the concept seems.

“You still look nervous. Are you sure you’re okay?” My dad asks me and the guilt hits me for making him worry. He moves a tree branch out of the way for me and I trudge ahead to the house in the estate we were staying at.

“I’m still a little bothered over running into him, but I’ll be fine. It’s just...do you really regret having me?” The question slips out before I can think it through.

His lips turn down. “No. Absolutely not. Don’t let what he said get to you.”

I nod and let the subject go. Why would he be undeserving of having kids anyway? Unless he’s hiding the reason from me. It must have something to do with the curse.

I enter onto the glistening, frost covered grass leading up to the house. 

“Kyo-Kun! Hajime! Welcome back!” My mom says, exiting the house and racing towards us. I stop in the middle of the lawn, arms spread in her direction to catch her in case she falls.

“Don’t run!” My dad and I shout at the same time. She comes into my arms and hugs me so hard, every last breath leaves me. She has to lean further than usual to hold me due to her round belly being wedged between us.

Dad catches up to us and knocks his knuckles against Mom’s head. “You idiot! You can’t run while you’re pregnant!”

She lets me go and hides her smile behind her hands. “I’m sorry. I was just so excited to come out here and tell you two that I successfully made hot dogs for the first time!”

The words needed to ask her what made her decide to cook western food are on the tip of my tongue, but my dad maneuvers around me and throws his arm around Mom’s shoulders. He pulls her against him and plants a lingering kiss on her lips. As always, I’m the third wheel. They act like such a teenage couple. It makes me have to force back a gag.

Hachiro clears his throat from the open doorway of the house. “The hot dogs are going to burn. I think they’re ready,” he says. 

“Let’s go!” I say all too eagerly. Thank God for an excuse to get out of that uncomfortable situation. My parents follow behind us and Mom begins serving us our plates.

I turn on the electric heater on the kotatsu and settle down next to it, removing my heavy coat and handing it to Dad for him to hang up in the foyer closet beside his. The heated fabric feels amazing on my chilled skin. Coming back to a warm house is truly a blessing during this winter season.

Hachiro plops down next to me and examines my face with concern. “You look troubled.”

“Really?” I relax my features, or at least try to. 

“He is troubled,” Dad says as he sits across from me. “And we’ll tell you guys the reason behind it.”

“The reason behind what?” Mom asks. She sets the plate of buns on the middle of the kotatsu before sitting down. I take a bun and put my hot dog together, awaiting for my dad to go on.

“The curse. I promised we’d tell him about it,” my dad says to Mom.

Her smile drops and her forehead creases. “But I don’t think-”

“Please, Mom,” I say, dropping the bun. “I can’t take not knowing anymore.”

“What’s this about?” Hachiro asks. As far as I know, the curse hasn’t affected him as much. Although during the nights we’ve been left alone in either one of our rooms, when the house is the most quiet, we bounce our speculations off of each other about what the family is hiding. 

“He’s thirteen,” Dad says, pushing his plate an inch away and placing his chin on his knuckles. “We were going to tell him when he was at least twelve anyway.”

The corners of Mom’s lips dip further. I can’t fathom the harm it would be to tell me. Perhaps this secret is more serious than I thought.

“Yes, you’re right,” she mumbles. She releases a shakey sigh. “I know both of you have been curious. But what brought this up so suddenly?”

Dad has the same unnerving expression as I have. “He bumped into my dad. Not Kazuma. The other one.”

“Oh. Oh, no.” Mom slides closer to the edge of the kotatsu, her hand finding mine underneath it. “We didn’t think we’d find him here. From what I’ve heard, he doesn’t get out much. Are you okay?”

I nod a bit too vigorously. “I’m fine, honestly. It wasn’t a pleasant experience though.” She squeezes my hand harder and I move on from the topic so as not to make her worry any further. “He told me I could be cursed. I just want to know what that means.”

“I see,” Mom says, and a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes returns to her face. “Then let’s not keep you two in the dark anymore.”

Hachiro chomped down on his hot dog, but looked to Mom and Dad intently, waiting just as I had been for years.

“First of all, don’t freak out.” Dad chuckles. He spends a few moments in silence to gather his thoughts. “The Sohmas used to be cursed for generations. Thirteen of us would transform into one of the animals from the Chinese zodiac when hugged by someone of the opposite gender, or sick or under a lot of stress.” 

One of us was cursed as the role as God, which was the head of the Sohma family.” Dad looks up from his gaze on the surface of the kotatsu to confirm that we are still listening. “The head put the majority of us through hell. Not only that, but our parents all but abandoned us. It wasn’t a good time, to put it lightly.”

So it truly was a curse. It sounds like it in every sense of the word. As unbelievable as it seems, the evidence backing it up was undeniable; the relentless ridicule my cousins, particularly Akito, Yuki, Rin, and even Dad received from their parents today, the uneasiness all of them appear to feel whenever the past was brought up, it all made sense.

“So then...were you apart of it? You changed into an animal?” I ask. There was no way he wasn’t involved. The look of pure agony he gives every time the word “curse” is mention is proof of the fact that he was. And there has to be a reason why his father hates him.

Dad nods, closing his eyes and furrowing his brows. Making him have to recount his past that he’s always tried to keep hidden away causes an ache in my chest. “Yes. I was the cat,” he says.

Hachiro finishes the remainder of his hot dog, then blurts, “But how?! From the story Mom tells us, the cat was never a part of the zodiac. He was shunned by the other animals.”

Dad laughs and the tension that leaves his body helps me relax again. “The cat isn’t a part of it. That’s why I was very ostracized from the family for years.”

Mom nods and speaks, most likely to give Dad a breather. He appears hesitant to go on. “The cat was the most cursed out of everyone. He was doomed to spend the rest of his days in isolation after getting out of High School. I believe you’ve passed by the small house he would have stayed in, Hajime.”

That’s what that was for. The reason it had made Dad and I feel so uneasy every time we went near it came to light completely.

“He also turned into a beast unless he was wearing special beads that prevented him from doing so,” Mom says.

It’s no wonder he never wants to talk about it. I can’t even imagine it. To have to go through something as incomprehensibly terrifying as that. 

“He transformed into the cat’s true form in front of me one day,” she continued. “It wasn’t easy to see, but...”

“I ran away,” Dad adds. “I was prepared to never see her again. I thought she’d be so terrified that she would reject me. But she came after me.” A grin pops onto his face as he looks to Mom. “She told me that she wanted to stay with me even though she was afraid of me. That’s when I fell in love with her. No one had ever told me that before.”

Mom hangs her head and blushes. “Who knows what would have happened had I not brought him back home?” She cooes and lays her head on Dad’s shoulder.

“You wouldn’t have had us,” Hachiro says, making a valid point. That’s a scary thought.

“You’re right!” Mom gasps, lifting her head. “And we wouldn’t want that!”

Getting back to the matter at hand, I say, “You said the curse is broken. How did it break? Especially after being in the family for so many generations.”

Dad ate the last of his hot dog before speaking. I start on mine as well. I had gotten so wrapped up in the conversation that I neglected eating. “The curse gradually weakened over time. Some of our spirits left us before others, in fact. But the driving force that broke it in the end was actually your mother’s doing.” He placed his hand on top of hers. “She helped every one of us trust in her more than the head. Suddenly, she was the most important person in our lives and that lifted it. I really don’t know what we’d do without her.”

“Oh, it was nothing,” Mom remarks. She rolls her eyes with her trademark goofy smile. It sounds like it was everything.

Taking it all in, I come to the realization that everything I heard isn’t as bad as it seems for the sole reason that the curse is broken. It wasn’t ongoing. The Sohmas, including my parents, Hachiro, and my new sister wouldn’t be plagued by it. I had nothing to worry over after all.

“Thank you for telling us,” I say. “I’m so happy to know. It’s been eating at me for so long. I’m...truly grateful.”

Mom side hugs me and I wrap my arms around her fragile waist. “We’ve been hesitant to tell you because we didn’t want it to dishearten you. It’s a serious thing. We don’t want you to think less of your father because of it.”

I release her, baffled by the very thought. Nothing could convince me to be disillusioned because of Dad. My adoration for everyone in my life is unconditional. I turn my attention to my father. “How could I think that of you? If anything, I have a higher viewpoint on you. To have gone through that and in the end be the strong, optimistic person you are today is astonishing. You deserve it.” When am I ever one to get this sappy? But I think Dad needs to hear these words from his own child. Something tells me he wants just that. However, being this vulnerable moves me to turn my gaze down to my lap. “I’m glad you’re happy. I’m glad you didn’t lose hope that you would get to this point in your life. I’m relieved you never got locked away because the world really is a beautiful place with you in it.” I lift my head only to find droplets lining my dad’s eyes. He gazes at me with his lips parted in what has to be surprise.

I gather my courage to really look him in the eye. “I love you. I’m so happy that you don’t have to go through that pain anymore. Thank you for telling me.” I bow my head and Hachiro does the same after thanking them. 

When I raise it again, Dad is shedding a river of tears while forming a shaky smile. “I will never forgive you for making me cry in front of you guys.” He laughs weakly, quickly wiping his cheeks and under his eyes.

Mom plants a big kiss on his lips and snuggles his arm. “We all love you.” She positions herself onto his lap while he kisses her back.

Oh, dear, God, I need to abort this place. “Okay! Well, again, thanks for dinner. I’ll be heading to-”

“Wait! Do you want to see the real beads? You actually see them every day. They’re on the bookshelf in the living room,” Mom tells me.

Realization dawns on me. “So that’s what those are. I can look at them with new eyes now.”

“True,” Dad says, standing up as I do. “Then I’ll show them to you with those new eyes.”

I hand my empty plate to Mom then follow him to the floor to ceiling bookshelf lining the wall. It’s filled with more photos and momentos than actual books. Right next to a picture of my mom as a baby with Grandpa Katsuya and Grandma Kyoko, sits a bowl that holds several red and white beads. 

I pick one up, testing the texture between my thumb and fore finger. “They feel unusual.”

“That’s because they’re made from human bones. The red ones were dipped in blood.” His eyes narrow on the bead I hold. “Lots of lives were lost in order to make that bracelet.”

I meet his gaze for a moment then turn it back to the single red bead now in my palm. In all the years these have sat here on this shelf, I would have never guessed they have held this much history. Every single bead represents one life given in order to assure that the cat was protected from its true form.

I close my palm over the bead and close my eyes, saying a silent prayer to the sacrifices made to save my father from the wrath of the cat’s original form.

-

I’ll have the final part done really soon! Again, thanks for reading!

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