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imaginedreamwrite · 2 years

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Criminal: Part 1

1938 – Brooklyn

“I know asking you to be on your best behaviour is out of the question,” Steve piped up before the two of you had finished walking up the stately home belonging to the Barnes, “but could you at least try not to fight with Bucky every moment?”

The rolling of your eyes and the quiet grunt of disapproval of the notion had pulled a weary sigh from Steve. The two of you could never really get along much, not since the day Bucky called you ‘butch’ on the schoolyard for kicking some dolt’s ass after he made fun of Steve.

You growing out of the physical tomboy stage hadn’t changed that. Bucky becoming a playboy and dating every woman who would take him, hadn’t changed that animosity.

“Get him to change the size of his ego.” You grumbled, taking the stone steps up to the front door one at a time.

“Y/N!” Steve hissed, getting as close to pissed off as he could with you. “You can’t say tht-“

“The hell I can’t, Steve!” You turned and stared at your older brother, blue eyes looking into grey. “Its true! Bucky had the ego the size of Manhattan and Brooklyn-“

“-and their family has done a lot for us, Y/N. Since mom died and left us alone, they’ve helped us out.” Steve was trying to reason with you.

“That wasn’t Bucky. That was his saint of a mom and sisters.” You bit back, correcting Steve over Bucky’s involvement.

“Bucky asked me after mom’s funeral if he could do anything. He offered his help.” Steve rang the doorbell to the stately home, mansion rather, and wait for the Barnes family to greet the two of you.

“Pity the Rogers orphans who would be nothing without-“ Steve cut you off with a rather painful jab to your ribs as the door opened and the matriarch of the family appeared in the doorway.

“Come in! You know you don’t have to knock Steve.” His mother greet Steve first, and then you.

“You look beautiful, Y/N.” his mom squeezed your shoulder, flashing a gentle courteous smile your way.

“Thank you for inviting us.” Your voice was dripping with sugar when you spoke to anyone and everyone who wasn’t Bucky. You could stand them, you enjoyed their company.

“You’re like our family.” She stepped aside and motioned for the pair of you to go to the sitting room where the rest of the Barnes would no doubt be waiting dressed to the nines as they celebrate Christmas.

“Be nice.” Steve whispered in your ear as the two of you entered the first sitting room.

Like you had predicted, the four Barnes were in different places of the room with the three girls sitting on one of the deep cushioned couches in front of a serving table while Bucky was leaning against the wall with a whiskey glass in his hand.

“Nice dress.” He commented on your second hand tight fitting dress with a small missing button on the collar.

“What are you supposed to be? Some second rate mortician?” You seethed, moving past Steve while ignoring his pointed look, heading straight for the Barnes sisters. “Or is it insurance salesman? I forget what you’re calling yourself.”

You could feel his cerulean blue eyes digging into you just as easily as you could tell that Bucky had poured himself a drink yet hadn’t actually taken it.

“You get your dress at the dime store?” He questioned, making his way toward your group of girls.

“Along with my knickers. Why, you wanna see em?” The moment you spoke, Steve made a sound of choking surprise, the coughing and grunting he made from his place behind Bucky drawing everyone’s attention except yours and Bucky’s.

You were staring at him, unwilling to back down and concede. You wouldn’t let him get the best of you. You wouldn’t let his already bursting ego grow an inch more due to you backing down despite all of society’s social do’s and don’ts clearly stating that a woman should not be confrontational with a man.

“Y/N!” Becca laughed delicately, slapping your wrist with her fingers. “That’s so bad!”

For the second time in a short while, you ignored Bucky’s presence and turned your back on him choosing to focus on Becca, Marie and Elizabeth instead.

You wouldn’t give Bucky anymore attention than necessary.

Curse him, Bucky thought. Curse him. Curse him. Curse him.

Your presence in their home would’ve been better handled if you weren’t so damn attractive. He could’ve kept his eyes off of you if every time you moved his eyes weren’t drawn to the sway of your hips.

Why couldn’t you have been a flat board with no shape and a crooked nose? Why did you have to have be so buxom and womanly? Why couldn’t you have kept that tomboy body from your early years?

Curse him, you were beautiful. Every god damned thing about you had such a direct impact on Bucky, every stupid little cursed thing.

But you were Steve’s younger sister and you were the bane of his existence.

You were beautiful, alluring and desirable.

Until you opened your mouth, that is.

Until you opened your mouth and became a lippy woman without a single care about propriety or social convention.

Curse him, that only made him more attracted to you.

Curse him, that only made him want you more.

He was one day set to become the head of the Brooklyn mafia, running an empire. Bucky was going to have a small army at his disposal, he was going to become a man of great power and wealth.

And yet, you mouthed off to him. You tore into him at any given moment, throwing whatever punches you saw fit and Bucky let you.

Bucky let you say what you pleased without so much as a single motion to stop you, and he knew full well he could.

Damn him, you were beautiful and you had such an effect on him.

If anyone else had even though to try and pull some of the shit you had…Bucky would run them through.

And yet, you got away with it.

“This is for you!” Becca’s eagerness had lift the heaviness in Bucky’s head and brought him back down to the reality around him.

“You didn’t need to get me anything.” You reached for the wrapped package and set it down on your lap, the softness of your voice drawing Bucky’s attention.

While you were busy looking at the wrapped book in your hand, he was busy watching you. He was busy studying the angles and lines in your face that made you appear as an angel in the moment, fair and breathtaking. If he had been any other man on the face of the planet, he may have thought you were ripped from one of the paintings on the Sistine chapel.

“A first edition?” You questioned upon gazing at the book that was once wrapped. “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Our mom used to read this to us.”

The smile that graced your face was heart-stopping, you were heart-stopping. Shameful then, that you happened to glance at Bucky and notice his staring.

Shameful then, that the softness and the gentleness was replaced by irritance and a scowl.

If only you knew that your gift wasn’t from Becca or Marie or Elizabeth.

If only you knew that it was Bucky who had gifted you that first edition favourite.

Curse him.

Damn him.

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winter-soldier-vibes · 4 years

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I didn’t have the right words to say (Steve Rogers x depressed reader)

I didn’t have the right words to say

Steve Rogers x reader

Summary: reader is Steve Rogers’ girlfriend and suffers from depression. She never said anything out of fear and not knowing how to, but when Steve goes away she turns to unhealthy methods of coping that she found years ago.

Word count 3558

Warnings: self harm, depression, Steve taking care of you

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You always assured your boyfriend Steve that you’d be fine on your own when he left for missions. That he should be more worried about himself than he should be about leaving you. He was the one going into the fight, after all.

What you didn’t tell him is you were fighting your own fight day after day. Against yourself.

As much as you loved Steve, it was nice when he would leave so you didn’t have to pretend anymore. It was the summer and it had become so sweltering hot. It was a pain to wear long sleeves and a smile all the time.

You were fighting a losing battle with your depression. You had been for over half of your life. It would come in waves, but it wasn’t between when it was good and when it was bad, it was between when it was bad and when it got worse.

The way that you dealt with it all was through hurting yourself. You had been to so many doctors and shrinks, but no matter what you tried you always reverted back to this. See, what people didn’t tend to understand is why a person would want to hurt themselves. Most people think it’s for attention or to numb their pain. But they didn’t realize it could accomplish so many needs.

It calmed your anxiety or anger, it toned down the racing thoughts that overtook your mind, but it could also jolt you out of your numbness. You could do it to punish yourself because you thought it was what you deserved. Sometimes it was to fulfill the itch that came with the addiction. Truth be told, you did it for many reasons. And it was too complicated to try and find an equal fix for each reason. Why would you when relief was a few strokes away?

You were lost in your life that was full of mistakes. And there was nothing you could do about it. You were struggling to survive, but you never asked for help. You just smiled and turned the other way.

You tried your best not to do it when Steve was around. Lately he had been sent on more missions, and would often come back so drained that he would sleep like a rock. You hid it pretty well too. With the help of some makeup you could get away with ¾ length sleeves and capris. You tried to keep it localized in places you didn’t have to worry about hiding, like your stomach. And lucky for you, both you and Steve were still a little shy around being intimate.

You knew he was going to find out at some point, and ideally you’d tell him before he realized by accident. The timing was just never right. He was either out the door, exhausted, or just relieved to be around you. You couldn’t squeeze it into a conversation, keep him awake when he was tired, or ruin a perfectly good moment. You couldn’t find the words to say to make it make sense to him. You wanted to be able to lean on him, because your head really was quite lonely. But your mind told you it was better this way. He wouldn’t understand. You were better off alone.

You felt like you had all the pieces to the puzzle. You had a great life, one of the most understanding people who ever lived, and stable conditions. You didn’t think you could ask for anything more. Your ability to feel emotions just had a wider scale than everyone else. Everyone seemed to have an emotional dial of 1-10. You seemed to have one that was more 1-50. And you didn’t know how to deal with or fix it.

So you kept your mouth shut, just trying to survive

You had a feeling Steve had begun to catch onto something. He seemed more reluctant to leave for days at a time, and sometimes he would look at you in a way that told you he wanted to say something but then decided against it.

You sent him off, promising you’d be okay without him and shutting the door. Once it was closed you dropped the smile you had been wearing and trudged into your living area. You sat on the couch and hung your head, clasping your hands together and resting your elbows on your knees. You closed your eyes and tried to keep your breathing level. A panic attack was the last thing you needed right now.

When you were alone, you didn’t have to keep up the mask you plastered on like second nature. It was nice to let your guard down for a few days at a time. But it also meant that you were alone with your thoughts, with very little distraction to keep them at bay.

When you were younger you at least had reasons to be down all the time. Feeling different from everyone else, being excluded, being hurt by the people around you...all good reasons to have low self worth. It made sense then. But it didn’t make sense anymore. Your life was stable, you had never been more at peace with your situation in your life

So why was having peace with yourself so goddamn hard?

You sighed, trying to stop the thoughts before the dam broke and you were swept away in the rush of emotion. You knew you would spend most of the next few days in your room trying to sleep away the pain. And it would usually work. And if it didn’t, you knew what you could do to help yourself along.

You barely got out of bed for the next few days, only rising to relieve yourself every now and then. You would alternate between actual sleep, staring at the ceiling, and scrolling through your phone looking for a distraction from your thoughts. After a few days though, they began to get out of hand.

You expected things to get to the point of wanting to hurt yourself, but tht didn’t mean that you welcomed the thought. It wasn’t a comforting thing to you. As much as it helped, you hated that you were doing this to yourself again and again. You wanted to stop but you weren’t ready to give up the relief just yet.

You sighed and made your way to the bathroom. You didn’t bother locking it since you were alone. Steve wasn’t meant to be home for another few days.

You retrieved the blades from your secret space and sat on the closed toilet seat. You pulled off your shirt and looked down in disgust at the different marks scattered across your skin. People told you they were like battle scars .It made you laugh sometimes. You can never win when you’re fighting yourself. There’s a part of you that always loses.

You toyed with the blade between your fingers for a few moments. You didn’t have a time limit here, so you let your mind do what it wanted until you couldn’t take it anymore. It was so rare that you actually let your toxic thoughts loose and let them flood your mind. It was always painful, but when you did the situation always ended with you feeling a little lighter. Like the countdown to the explosion had just been extended a little longer.

You closed your eyes and immediately the thoughts started to trickle in.

Fuck up

No one likes you

You can’t even like yourself

I bet everyone hates you more than you do

Tears made their way quickly into your eyes and ran down your cheeks, hot and angry. You were always angry with yourself, and there wasn’t much you could do about it aside from ignoring it or letting it dominate you. There wasn’t an in-between. The thoughts started running in fast, like a faucet that had turned from a trickle into full power. You braced yourself but you never quite could be prepared for what your mind had to say.

Steve’s just being nice, it’s who he is

If he really knew who you were, he’d bolt for sure

No one could love you

No use in fighting anymore

Maybe you’d be better off dead

No one would care anyways.

Do I even care?

You forced your eyes open and clutched the blade a little tighter. You brought it to your stomach and added a few new marks to the others. The first few were shallow, hesitant. It had been about a week since you did something like this. Taking a few steady deep breaths, you dragged the blade over some new skin, pressing a little more firmly. This brought a stinging sensation, but it was one you had begun to crave. You saw the blood start to trickle down your stomach. Craving more, you moved to make another slash. This went on until you were comfortably numb and your stomach was red. You sat back and closed your eyes, basking in the peace.

You heard a door close. “Y/n? I’m back.”

Your eyes flew open. No, no way was he home. How is that even possible? You looked down at yourself.

Oh shit.

How were you supposed to hide this? You didn’t know how to wrap your stomach on your own and you were out of bandages. Normally you would just wait for the bleeding to stop, but that was going to take too long. Your eyes trailed around the room before landing on the shower.

The shower…

You turned on the water and stepped in, not caring to wait until it warmed up. The water stung your fresh wounds and some of the older ones that weren’t quite healed yet, but you swallowed a groan of pain, worried that he would hear.

You heard footsteps followed by a knock. “You in their y/n?”

You tried to keep your voice level and tried not to speak too quickly. “Yeah, just taking a quick shower. I’ll be right out babe.”

Outside the door, he smiled to himself and went to put on some more comfortable clothes. The mission had gone better than expected, and he was happy that he was home a few days earlier. Something seemed to be bothering you, and he didn’t like the feeling he got in his stomach any time he left you alone.

Inside the shower, you were trying not to panic. The blood was turning the water at your feet a pink color, and you needed to think quickly. The shirt you had worn in here was white, and it would definitely be obvious if the blood started seeping through. Somehow you needed to get a new shirt before he was able to hug you, and the chances of that happening were very slim.

You covered your face and resisted the tears pricking your eyes. How could you have been so stupid?

Realizing you had been in here for what was probably longer than normal, you turned off the water and grabbed your dark towel. You dried yourself off to see that the bleeding had mostly stopped except for a few of them. You thought you’d be okay if you moved quickly.

Putting on your shirt and hiding the evidence, you flushed the toilet and walked out into your bedroom, not expecting Steve to be right there. He smiled at you and stood up, walking over to you. “Hey there,” he said, wrapping his arms around you. “I missed you.”

You tensed up immediately, trying not to whine or whimper at the sudden pressure to the fresh cuts. Steve picked up on you tensing up and pulled back, worry crossing over his face. “What’s wrong? Did I do something?”

You shook your head. “No, no. It’s nothing.” you said, putting your mask back on. “I missed you too Steve.”

You hugged him again before turning around and moving to the closet. You looked down at your stomach and sure enough, blood had started spotting through.

“Fuck,” you whispered to yourself.

Steve heard you and moved over to you. He tried to turn you around but you kept your back to him. “What’s going on y/n?”

You shook your head, trying not to panic as you looked for a dark shirt. “Nothing’s happening Steve,” you said.

He tried to hug you from behind but the sudden contact made you whimper and curse, causing Steve to grow even more concerned. He tried to walk around in front of you to face you. “Are you hurt?” You turned away from him again, blood becoming even more apparent on the front of your shirt.

You went to close yourself back in the bathroom, but Steve grabbed your arm and turned you around enough to see the blood soaking through your shirt. Alarm bells started going off in his head. “Oh my God...y/n…” He looked back at you, noticing how you wouldn’t look back at him. “What happened darling?”

You shrugged him off, walking back to the bathroom again. “It’s nothing -”

“Y/n, you’re covered in blood! Don’t tell me that’s nothing.” he took a deep breath. “Did someone hurt you?”

You snapped your eyes back at him before shaking your head. “No - no one hurt me.” you said.

He stepped closer. “Then why are you bleeding?” he asked.

You shook your head and kept your eyes downcast until he lifted your chin so you had to meet his eyes. He noticed the tears, but more importantly, the sheer panic flooding your eyes. He took a deep breath before asking “Did - did you do this to yourself?”

Your silence was indication enough to Steve. He closed the space between the two of you and hugged you gently, not wanting to hurt you like he did before. You cried into his chest for a while, and once you had calmed down enough, Steve asked, “Can I see?”

You shook your head vigorously, and Steve said, “Please. I only want to help, and I just need to know how bad they are.” He kissed the top of your forehead. “I’m not here to judge you,y/n.” he pulled back and brushed back some of your hair. “I’m here to love you.”

You took some deep breaths and you were going to pull up your shirt, but you couldn’t. You were too ashamed. Steve brought his hands to the hem of your shirt, and then he pulled it up over your head. You heard him gasp before he said “Oh y/n…”

You looked into his eyes to see that there were tears in his eyes too. He saw the new ones, along with the old ones and the ones that were faded. There had to have been hundreds. Steve’s expression held anguish and pain. How did he not know?

He shook his head slightly and looked up to your eyes. “Why?”

You crossed your arms, feeling extremely exposed. “So many reasons…” you said quietly, looking away.

Steve hated seeing you in so much pain. Physically and emotionally. He said, “Come on, let me help you take care of those.”

He held out his hand and you hesitantly took it, and he led you back into the bathroom. He motioned for you to sit on the counter, and you did. He went back into another part of the house, and came back with a first aid kit. One he probably kept in his bag and had more medical supplies than you had ever provided yourself with.

He grabbed a towel and wet it under the sink faucet before bringing it over to you, but paused when you tensed as he held it over your stomach. He looked at you and gave you a small smile. “It’s okay y/n. I’m not going to hurt you.”

He grabbed your hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, and you nodded, silently giving him permission to continue. He began cleaning the drying blood off of you, and you tried not to wince too much. After he was finished, he put down the cloth and grabbed the antibiotic ointment from the kit. Another thing you never bothered to use on yourself. You usually just let fate decide whether or not you would get an infection.

He went to apply it and you grabbed his arm, keeping your eyes downcast. He shifted his weight, looking at you. “What’s wrong?”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” you asked, still unable to look at him.

He sighed before asking, “Why aren't you?”

You looked him in the eyes, trying to not to break down. “Being nice to myself doesn’t help me.” you shrugged your shoulders. “This does.”

He sighed, trying to hide the anger that he harbored towards himself at that moment. He cleared his throat, asking “How long have you been doing this for?”

You shook your head and gave a small shrug. “Long before I met you. Since I was a teenager.”

He took a deep breath, and you saw his face paling. He felt terrible knowing you had been in so much pain for so long. What could have caused you to do such a thing to yourself? He knew that self harm existed and some of the reasons why people would, but he never noticed any of the symptoms. How could he be so ignorant?

Snapping back to the current situation, he still had the cream in his hand, and your arm was still gripping his. “May I?”

You hesitated for a moment before nodding your head and letting go, allowing him to continue. He dabbed your wounds gently, before turning back to the kit and grabbing gauze and wrap. He placed the gauze on the deeper cuts before wrapping your stomach. It was so much easier when someone else was doing it and you had more than two hands. He taped it down before tossing the remainder to the side and leaning back against the wall in front of you, crossing his arms.

The two of you stayed in the silence, neither of you knowing what to say. You are still embarrassed and ashamed that he had found out, and he for not noticing. He also just wanted to be sensitive and say the right thing. He didn’t want to make you feel any worse than you were feeling currently.

“Really, why are you doing this to yourself?”

You shrugged and crossed your arms. “Seriously, I’ve tried to stop. So many times. It’s just…” you took a breath. “There are so many possible reasons why I do it. And I just got so exhausted trying to find an alternative for each one of them. I’ve talked to people, I’ve tried all the different things they suggest.” You shook your head. “This is the only thing that always works.”

His face softened. “But sweetheart, you’re hurting yourself. You can’t…” he took a breath. “I know it helps you but what happens if -” his voice cracked and he tried to compose himself. “I wouldn’t know what to do if you accidentally went too far.”

You let out a dry laugh. “Don’t take this the wrong way babe, but I’ve been doing this for years and I’ve been fine so far. I think I know what I’m doing, so -”

He stepped forward and held you by your shoulders. “You’re not fine, darling. You don’t do this to yourself if you’re okay.”

The two of you stay in silence for a little longer. “Is there anything I can do to help you?” he asked

You shook your head. “I don’t know. If I did I would have told you a long time ago.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

You sighed. “I did what I thought was right. I’ve accepted that I’m broken, and I stopped trying to fix it a long time ago. I know this isn’t a way to live, but…” you shrugged. “There’s nothing more to do. I can’t fix myself.”

He wrapped his arms around you again. “It’s going to be okay y/n” he said.

You shook your head. “I want to believe you, I really do. But that’s just empty words, and empty promise that I stopped believing in long ago. It just never stops.”

He tightened his arms around you. You started crying again. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore Steve.”

“I know sweetheart. I know.” He rubbed a hand up and down your saking body. “I can’t tell you that I can make it go away, but I’m gonna be here with you through everything.”

You looked up at him. “You’re not leaving?” you asked

He smiled at you. “I’m not going anywhere y/n. I’m staying right here.”

He pulled you close again. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you Steve. There’s just so much to say and I couldn’t find the right words.”

“I’m listening y/n,” he said. “I’m listening.”

#steverogers #steve rogers #steve rodgers imagine #steve rodgers x reader #tw depression #tw self harm #steve rogers comfort #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers one shot #fanfiction #marvel #avengers imagine #avengers #song lyrics #song lyric inspired #lyrics inspired #imagine

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anonysaurusrexie · 3 years

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A Scene w/ Chibs

Characters: Filip “Chibs” Telford x reader Summary: This is my first attempt at fanfic period and this started as smut with a song and it’s ending as fluff. To my credit, I’ve done better RPs. I’m trying my best... may the fanfic gods have mercy on my soul.

Prompts:

“I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that they’re you.” “Are you going to keep pacing outside my door, or are you coming in?”

mo ghràidh - “my love” in Scots Gaelic

In all the wildest dreams from your girlhood, none of them included falling in with a biker gang. The plan was to move West and try to make something of yourself as a creative. What mattered was leaving everything you knew behind and making it big so you could rub in the face of everyone back home. Call it part fresh start, call it part wishful thinking... somewhere along the way your dreams broke down alongside the shitbox that carried you cross country. It was a matter of coincidence that that your luck ran out in the lot of Teller-Morrow... and often enough for Gemma to take a real shining to you while lost in conversation while the boys tried to save a car that wanted to die. The universe has a funny way of putting you right where you need to be, don’t it?

You had caught the eye of the haggard faced mechanic stealing glances whenever he’d pass by the window that separated the office from the garage. Gemma would dismiss his glances with a shut of the blinds to the garage bay, reassuring you Chibs was harmless. As her invitation to one party turned into more, you discovered a grain of truth in her words beneath the veneer tht protected the finer aspects of club business from outsiders. Of the brothers you had befriended, his mannerisms were never untoward and he had the air of a gentleman behind those scars in his dealings with you, just... with your looks? Being ogled either opened the door to heartbreak or to something scarier. It was much easier to present yourself with a face of stone and hoped it was enough to shrink you to the point you weren’t taking up space on anybody’s radar.

Yet Chibs' patience matched his persistence and with time, you found his brogue and charm irresistible. No longer could you be mistaken for a croweater or sweet butt, the two of you were an item, untouchable by the rest of the club. Though you loathed how cheesy it sounded in your head, it had begun to feel like having the other half to make you whole with him at your side or in your bed. But whether it was business that got in the way or things didn't work out, it felt like falling apart as quickly as you came together.

You kept your word to remain amicable after your separation. What other choice did you have being a constant due to your friendship with the Queen of SAMCRO? It didn't make seeing him any easier when you could still feel the tension between the two of you. To come to the parties at Teller-Morrow and see the Sons while the wounds of your break-up were still fresh were almost your undoing. It would seem your old flame shared a similar feeling. His disappearing act when you arrived turned to stares of longing from across the room until you found your place behind the bar pouring shots and serving up pints. What should have brought relief from the six-foot-tall, couple-hundred pound gorilla in the room made you ill at ease each time your eyes met. You had seen him in the arms of a croweater on occasion but the look in those dark brown pools spoke to something more going on beneath the surface until during one drunken night of revelry... you had no choice but to slip from behind the bar when he wasn’t looking and disappear further into the clubhouse.

Letting the door to the stockroom slam shut behind you, you squeezed your eyes shut and ran your fingers through your hair as you tried to clear your head. The darkness behind your eyelids was enough to calm the storm of emotion brewing in your head. Had breaking up with Chibs been a mistake? Did he still want you? Was it possible you still wanted him? You dragged your hands down your face before you took a deep breath from your nostrils and let it out hiss from between your lips. Only a moment or two later, you could hear the heavy thudding of boots trailing down the hallway. One door opened after another, the footsteps shuffling at times... those boots belonged to an inebriated owner- that much was for certain. But did you want to leave your sanctuary and discover who those steps belonged to?

"Lass, are ye alright in there?" The drunken slur of Chibs trickled through the door to your ears, the breath you weren't aware you were holding in escaping in a huff. "Cannae hear what you said, dove... ye left the bar quick, I was afraid I upset ye."

You hesitated as you looked at the door and ran over a thousand possible responses in your head before staying quiet. Chibs began to pace as he awaited a response, steps trailing from one side of the door to the other... and, after a brief pause, beginning his trek anew. Seconds turned into what felt like hours with the wooden door between the two of you before you couldn't take it.

“Are you going to keep pacing outside my door, or are you coming in?”

"Wha', lass?"

"I said are you going to keep pacing or are you going to come in?" “Oh,” Chibs mumbled drunkenly before you heard his hand press on the doorknob, twisting before he could push the door and make it give way to the woman that waited for him inside.

And just like that... there the two of you were, standing the closest you had been face to face in months. The two of you were speechless as you scanned each other's faces, uncertain of who would make the first move to break the silence between you two. Chibs buried his face into his elbow as he went through a coughing fit, swallowing the lump in his throat as he turned his face reddened from the alcohol he'd been consuming all evening... back to you.

"What was all that back there, lass?" Chibs waved his hand to the door at his back. "Ye were at the bar when I looked down and when I looked back up, all I saw was yer back disappearing down the hallway."

Fuck. He'd seen you leave the bar, even if just in passing.

"I'm... I'm fine, Filip," You said as you dragged your hand down the side of your face. "I needed to step away for a moment to, uh... to check to see if we had anymore beer in the back."

Chibs furrowed his brow, the booze in his system not enough to prevent him from catching you in a lie. Fuck, again.

"Was it because o' me, Y/N?"

The silence presented him with the opportunity to close the distance between the two of you, stopping before the point where he could touch.

"...Y/N, lass."

"Yeah," You stammered as you turned your gaze to the floor, too nervous to look him in the eye until you heard his sharp exhale.

"Letting you go was a mistake, mo ghràidh," Chibs replied as he reached out with trembling hand to caress the curve of your cheek with his knuckles. You could feel your shoulders tremble at his touch, closing your eyes for a moment as how much you'd missed this came back to you. "Filip," You cleared your throat and opened your eyes, casting your gaze at him to catch him flinch at the sound of his name. "The secrets, the fights... the distance between us... I don't know that I can do this again. We made the right choice." "Y/N," Chibs spoke as tears began to bud at the corners of his eyes, his voice cracking. “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that they’re you..."

"And I'm tired of wanting things I can't have, Filip... I don't want part of you, I've wanted all of you from the start. What are we going to fix that we haven't already fought over?"

You could feel your chest spasm, drawing a sharp breath through your nostrils as Chibs took you in his arms and pressed his face into your neck.

"Aye, love... I know, I know," Chibs crooned as he stroked your hair while he held you. That tenderness in his touch had been another thing you missed and you closed your eyes, allowing yourself a moment to guiltily savor this as you wrapped your arms around his back. "Ye deserve better than me staring across the clubhouse thinking of all the ways I fooked this up... please, come home and let me make this right.”

#chibs x reader

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oh-my-may · 4 years

Text

Atsumu being jealous of his s/o being close with Osamu

requested: hii! can i request headcanons for atsumu being jealous of how close his s/o is with osamu? i love your writing 🥺💕

Thank you so much anon!! Your kind words are appreciated :3 Also I love writing for Atsumu someone please stop me- (this got so much longer than I intended it to be please excuse me but the Miya twins kinda own my heart oops)

It developed naturally, your friendship with Osamu. Contrary to Atsumu, whom you only got to know in High School, you’ve known Osamu a while longer.

When you both were in Middle School you first saw each other at a little grocery store after school. You both stood in front of the same shelf, just inches away from each other. Your favourite pudding was on there, unfortunately a little too high up for you to reach. You stood on your tippy toes, your arm stretching as far as possible, but you barely touched it.

Of course Osamu noticed and being the gentleman he is (lol) he reached up and gave you the pudding, which was actually his favourite as well (we love a good pudding-bonding moment)

You thanked him so whole heartedly that he decided to buy the pudding for you (even though tht meant he couldn’t get one for his brother which he was very mad about in the end).

So you both sat outside under a tree and enjoyed your puddings while you made some light conversation. He told you about volleyball and about his annoying brother until the sun was setting and you both had to go home.

You didn’t exchange contacts or anything (you were like 12 or 13) but either way you met again a few days after, at the same story, in front of the same shelf, aiming for the same pudding. So it became a regular thing. Two times a week you would meet there after school and eat some pudding and talk until the sun was setting.

Sometimes you’d help him with homework, sometimes you’d let him rant about his brother or volleyball or both and at the same time he’d listen to your complaints about school or listen to other stories you’d have to tell.

Until High School approached and you both ended up not only at the same school but also on the same class. Of course you knew you were going to the same school from now on (you talked about that, too), but when you walked into your new class and you saw each other it was still like that spiderman meme. “Y/N!” “Osamu?!” A great moment.

Atsumu was confused af because his twin brother knew such a pretty person and he didn’t even know your name? Was he doing something wrong? Why had Osamu hid this from him?

So anyways you end up in the seat next to Osamu so your seating order would be You - Osamu - Atsumu and then Suna. And honestly Atsumu was kinda crushing on you hard since the beginning. And of course Osamu would know because he’s his twin and just... Probably a twin thing.

So Osamu would be annoyed af about this because that is exactly why he never told Atsumu about you in the first place. He didn’t want any weird relationship forming and possibly ruining your nice friendship. He has grown quite fond of you and he knew his brother so he was just trying to prevent a catastrophe okay-

But you couldn’t care less that Atsumu and Osamu are brothers - or twins, in fact. To you they were two completely different people. You could even tell them apart from the beginning (even when they still had the same hair color) and you got to know the two in completely different contexts.

Of course you knew Atsumu from Osamu’s stories but he very quickly proved himself to be a lot more than that and much to Osamus displeasure you developed a crush on Atsumu and met him in private and outside of school - without Osamu or Suna or someone else around.

Atsumu was far more than just Osamus annoying twin brother that you only knew from his subjective stories. In fact, he was a lot different than from what you expected him to be and very quickly you fell very deep for him, so it didn’t take long until you started dating.

And of course you both were happy - every day you got to know more about the other, learned new things and fell in love deeper.

But there was always something that bothered Atsumu. No matter what it was, Osamu seemed to know you better. “Did you know they like this pudding?” “Bro, that’s literally how we met.”, “Today I saw a tiny scar on their knee.” “Oh yeah, they once fell from their bike as a child and it’s still visible.”

It pisses him off. Because Osamu doesn’t even try to be subtle about it. They had a big talk when you two started dating - Osamu made it very clear that he didn’t have any feelings for you and just appreciated you as a friend. Still, Atsumu had an unpleasant feeling creeping up inside him whenever he saw you laughing with his twin or sitting together with him at lunch.

Je hust couldn’t enjoy every single moment with you, knwoing in his head that his twin brother maybe already knew the story you were telling him. When you even just mentioned Osamu’s name he flinched a little, even when it was just for a small comment. He knew it would be different when you wouldn’t have known Osamu before him, but of course he couldn’t change that.

He knew that it was very stupid of him to feel this way but he couldn’t help it. He tried to play it off around you but he couldn’t keep quiet forever. Both you and Osamu noticed. So eventually, you brought it up when you were chilling at your place.

It was definitely the right thing to do, yet you found yourself regretting it after you two got into an argument. Your first one. Atsumu talked himself into a rage once you started talking and he couldn’t stop his mouth from saying all these words. Not bad words, just ones you couldn’t quite understand. He let out all his feelings (mostly frustration and anger directed at himself) and then at the end he looked at you. You were frozen on the spot after he repeatedly waved you off when you tried to interrupt him and calm him down. Your eyes were a little widened, your cheeks reddened with stress, you had folded your hands in an hesitating manner in front of your chest and your chest was heavily lifting and falling under your fastened heartbeat.

He felt miserable. “I ... I’m sorry Y/N, I know I’m stupid. I love you and I’m sorry for making you feel this way but I think I need to sort some things out with myself. See you tomorrow.” Then he left and you were still frozen before you grabbed for your phone and did the first thing that came to your mind. You called Osamu.

You told him everything Atsumu had just talked about and Osamu just listened silently. When you finished he let out a small “hm” and then he was silent again before starting to talk about the matter himself. That’s when you first notice how similiar they were when it came to their feelings.

Osamu told you how he was suspecting something like that (because his brother is just impulsive like that and he would probably feel the same) and how Atsumu hasn’t returned home yet. You couldn’t think of a solution for the situation but Osamu hung up, saying he would handel the situation. After all it would be him dealing with Atsumu when he’d return.

Atsumu was probably in the gym, throwing some tosses to get his mind clear and trying to overcome his issues.

He got home late and Osamu already waited for him in his room, sitting in a bean bag chair. The two of them didn’t talk or even blink for like a whole minute, they just looked at each other (another weird twin thing?). Eventually Atsumu broke the silence, though his eyes didn’t leave his brothers face. “They called you, didn’t they?” “What else would they have done in this situation?”

Atsumu just huffed, letting himself fall into the other bean bag chair, directly next to Osamu. “You know you are being stupid, right?” “Of course!”

So they’d talk about it for quite a while. Of course they can’t just change Atsumu’s feelings, but they reailzed that eventually it would get to a point where he’d knew you better than Osamu. “I can’t know everything about them. I don’t even want to, that’s your job. But don’t you think it’s nice for them to have someone who already knows you? Who can help them in situations like this? Whoy they can rant and come to when they feel like it? Same goes for you, maybe she knows stuff about me that you don’t.”

Again they’d exchange a long look and eventually Atsumu would sigh and be like: “At least you can tell me stuff about them now. What’s their favourite type of candy? And what about flowers? Or plushies?”

“I’ll tell you everything as long as you don’t steal our pudding thing.”

So the next day you’re a little hesitant before you go into class because Osamu didn’t text you to tell you how it went. Maybe Atsumu is still a little upset? Maybe they had a big fight? You can’t help but feel anxious about probably being the reason for a fight between siblings - twins. It breaks your heart.

But before you can even step into class someone class your name from the other way of the hallway and when you turn to see it’s Atsumu walking up to you, quite the impressive bouquet of flowers and a tiny bag in hand.

You visually relax as your face lights up seeing Atsumus face a lot brighter than ever. He grins from ear to ear and his hair falls into his face because of his running but he looks better than ever and you just want him to drop all these things so you can jump at him and kiss him until you’re both dizzy.

“Y/N! I’m so sorry about yesterday, I didn’t mean to raise my voice and make you feel uncomfortable. I know I am dumb, but I promise you that I got this from now on.” He smiles and hands you the things he’s bought for you.

You peeked into the bag and saw your favorite candy. A knowing smile crept onto your lips as you looked back at Atsumu, who was waiting for your reaction with big eyes. “Tell me, did you have help picking out all my favourite sweets?” Your voice was sweet and your face even sweeter. You already knew the answer but you wanted to see if Atsumu could actually overcome his issues.

He looked you right in the eye. “Of course my beloved brother helped me.”

You broke out into a wide grin and slung your arms around his neck. He happily welcomed you in his arms and snaked his hands on your back and into your hair, pressing you tightly against him.

Everything about him felt a little different. He was less tense and more relaxed, the looks on his face were more genuine and the words he spoke made your heart jump a little. Yes, you could definitely move on like this.

“I love you both.”, you murmured into his neck. You felt him freeze for a second and laughed. “Of course I love you a lot more though.”

Requests are still open!

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angeltrapz · 3 years

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ALSO your takes on this lil Strahm/Adam thing we’ve been discussing?? hi???? tht dynamic makes me insane i love it sm + am very excited 2 hear more of ur thoughts 💗

I'm answering this one first bc!!!!!! It makes me insane too like I cannot stop thinking abt it. I am Trying 2 put together a fic abt it!!!

Okay so. I think that Adam and Strahm are similar in several ways, and yet not at the same time. Adam is accused of being apathetic by Jigsaw, right? But we're obviously shown that it's not exactly the case; if anything, Adam's supposed apathy is a shield to protect who he really is: someone who cares deeply, maybe more than he should; someone intensely thoughtful, someone willing to keep things from people if he knows it'll hurt them while also functioning as self-preservation (not showing the polaroid to Lawrence, hiding the fact that the trash bag contained both the hacksaws AND the pictures he took), someone who altogether simply cannot truly be defined as apathetic at his core. His projected persona, however, is a completely different story - Adam is angry, bitter, jaded. And yes, he is angry, bitter in regards to his circumstances, jaded in a way that comes from a life spent living paycheck to paycheck if he could even manage that regularly. We've seen his apartment. This dude struggles. Apathetic, no, but angry? Oh, absolutely.

Strahm is... slightly more complicated. HIS projected persona is one of cool indifference, no nonsense, someone purely analytical and maybe a bit of an asshole about it. The thing is, though, is that deep down, Strahm also cares deeply - just look at how he reacted to Perez being injured + having to call her mom, when he destroyed that office room - it's just harder to get out of him. His projected persona hides someone whose emotions run just as hotly and strongly; his are just more well-hidden. He is impulsive, intelligent, result-seeking. Strahm doesn't seem like someone who allows himself to just feel things very often, and when he does, the blowout can be a fucking mess (for example, showing up to the packing plant BY HIMSELF, operating on adrenaline and rage alone).

I think, other than Perez perhaps, Adam just may be the first person to understand Strahm in a way that no one else has even attempted. Adam might be the first person who manages to see past that indifference, who embraces the writhing emotions underneath it because he gets it. And Adam is absolutely one of the very first people to look at Hoffman the way he and Perez did - after all, Adam is present in Strahm's hospital room when Hoffman pays him a visit and tells him to back the fuck off, and after the man leaves, the first thing he says to Strahm is "It's him, isn't it?"

Because he sees it too. He'd been in Hoffman's presence for all of around five minutes and he'd seen it too.

And just how world-shattering can that simple revelation be? For the first time, Strahm has someone other than Perez on his side. She's gone, there's nothing he can do to bring her back, but here is someone else who sees what he sees, feels what he feels, in a strange echo of the test that brought Strahm and Perez into this whole fucking mess. Here is someone who has no reason to agree with him, no prior pressure put upon him and someone who Strahm feels wouldn't simply agree with him on that basis anyway (as you've touched on before), and yet Adam sees it too.

I feel like, in the tensely energized space the two of them share in that room after Hoffman leaves, that is one of the very first times Strahm feels seen. He doesn't feel the need to keep his shields up, and it's liberating, in a way. He feels like he can breathe around Adam. For reasons even he isn't entirely sure of, Strahm feels safe here. He can be himself, even if that self is angry, bitter, jaded. Who better to understand that than Adam Faulkner-Stanheight?

It's a feeling that only increases after they're discharged from the hospital. There's no real reason for the two of them to stay together, no obligations (except the fact that Strahm saved Adam's life, but Strahm doesn't hold that over him & Adam doesn't stick around purely because of it), and yet they do. It's two weeks after they're sent home that Adam shows up at Strahm's apartment, shaking softly and looking so fucking miserable that Strahm couldn't even dream of turning him away - after all, he gave him the address. An unspoken agreement, an offering of companionship.

Adam has been thinking. He and Strahm, they're tied together in more than one way, aren't they? Not just their shields and safeguards, not just the similarities in their true, deep-down emotions, not even having been targeted by Jigsaw and surviving things they shouldn't have - they've both lost people. Strahm is never getting Perez back, and Adam? Adam bonded with a man in that bathroom who shot him and told him he'd come back, but never did. He never looked back. His other potential saviour, Amanda Young? Her idea of rescue was a plastic bag over his head, but even she couldn't commit to the idea. She left him there, too. He's not getting Lawrence back, he knows that. Jigsaw took something, someone, from both of them. So, he proposes, what if we did something about it?

(Strahm still thinks about when they first met, when Adam told him he loved him. He can't help it, of course he thinks about it; knowing Adam was delirious with blood loss and a dizzying combo of dehydration and starvation and infection didn't cut into the feeling the earnest declaration gave him, even if it should've. Adam stuck around when he didn't have to. He wants him here.)

They've lost everything. Adam, his peace of mind, the uncertain semi-stability of his life, functionality in his arm, one of the first people he'd made a genuine connection with. Strahm, his best friend, his colleagues' trust, the safety that came with observing the case from a distance. They have nothing and yet they have each other. They both want Jigsaw to pay for what he's done to them and the people they care about, and the innocent people they never even knew. Why shouldn't they?

Like you said, I don't think they get in the coffin. I agree with you and I think that Adam is the catalyst there, the one voice of reason that drags Strahm away from certain death before he even has the chance to get ensnared permanently in Hoffman's web. They don't even listen to the tape. They just hightail it. And it's outside of that building, chests heaving and hands shaking, that it all kind of sets in for Strahm: he could've died. Hoffman could have killed him like he wanted and he would've walked right into it had he been alone. Adam, completely unconscious of the gravity of Strahm's revelation, had turned around and saved his life, repaid a favour he didn't really owe but wanted to fulfill.

And again, like you said, it's not really a favour, is it? Not when instead of laughing in an expelling of nervous energy Adam leans up and drags Strahm down by the lapels of his jacket and kisses him hard, grip white-knuckled and short breaths huffed through his nose. No, there is the same kind of reverence to be found in the way that Adam cradles his face in his trembling hands and breathes out "You're alive," as the kind that could be heard in that first I love you. There's nothing else that Adam has to say for Strahm to understand. He just pulls him close because he needs this, too. He has spent so long living his life as someone who doesn't need tenderness, doesn't need people to care about him, feels safer in isolation than anything else, and now he doesn't feel the need anymore. He is changed, in this way, but Adam accepts it readily, and though Strahm can't say it back when Adam finally slumps against him and breathes out "I love you" against his shoulder, no fever or delirium to compromise the meaning, he feels it all the same.

They understand each other, hold each other. They have work to do, and lots of it - Hoffman's going to be rampaging in a blaze of enraged glory soon enough, knowing that Strahm (and, by extension, Adam) got away, and they're going to need a plan - but right now, they can breathe. Right now, all either of them needs is knowing the other is alive, that they'd made it through something that for all intents and purposes was meant to kill them. Strahm can't just walk away. Adam knows this; he doesn't think he can, either. Two people who are more similar than they could've ever dreamed, brought together in one of the worst ways imaginable and yet in a way that has served as a lifesaver - not Jigsaw, fuck that. They want to live. For themselves, for each other, for everyone who didn't make it out. For the people they can't get back.

It's a kind of understanding that's entirely foreign to both of them, but as they hole up in Strahm's apartment after, huddled close on the couch because neither of them can sleep and they're trembling for reasons other than just the caffeine buzz of coffee, it's one that they can learn to adapt to. They can do this. They're going to save lives. They're going to do this hand-in-hand. They have each other's backs, without the shadow of a doubt.

And, really, is that not love?

#strahm #adam #asks #THANK UUU god this dynamic makes me lose it!!!#I am so so glad I'm not the only one thinking abt them the concept of these 2 together has been in my head for so long!!#I hope this was. coherent lmao I ramble a lot #long post

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reversecreek · 3 years

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lily for magda (thinking about figs feeling evil), tulip for cricket, marigold for ziggy, chrysanthemum for bradley, belladonna for nyla

lily : how does your muse view their mother ?

magda doesn’t know a lot abt her mum. she knows vague snippets n details bt they’re all very elusive. it’s kind of a tricky subject where her mum’s concerned bc when she was younger she’d come up w all these assumptions abt how her mum was n who she’d be if she were with her but the rational part of magda was like..... u don’t know any of this. ur literally making things up. it’s kind of hard for a kid to have that vital person missing from their life n to resist the urge to fill in the blanks with their own projections so the space feels less empty. it’s like having a tooth missing n ur tongue always going back to poke at the spot in ur gum. there’s a constant reminder of loss in that. magda knows her mum liked to sing bc her dad said once she’d always sing to her belly when she was pregnant. this is a lot of the reason why magda has always cared so much abt music bc she took this fact in her fist n grasped it tight n never let go n in a way grew parts of herself around it. it’s like............. i feel like her mum dying in childbirth gave her lots of issues when it comes to her identity n like. who she is n who she wants to be.......... bc of magda’s issues w her dad i feel like she got into this habit growing up of rly putting who her mum could have been on a pedestal n basing everything around that.... she’d be like I’m More Like Her (a belief which was only accelerated bc her dad would drunkenly say she looked so much like her) n cling onto that so she liked herself more bc the other option was her dad who she loves but he’s also an incredibly flawed person n they hv a complicated relationship...... i think as she’s gotten older she’s realised her mum cld very well have been that way too n putting people on pedestals isn’t the way to go about things but. idk. as a kid she was kind of obsessed w this idea of her n this idea that her mum being gone was the beginning n end of everything wrong in her life. for the most part now magda accepts she never knew her n sometimes even feels stupid for grieving her at all bc she never knew her to grieve in the first place but. there’s a tiny part of magda tht still hangs on to the comfort of what she could have had n it’s obvious by the fact she still keeps a photograph of her folded up in her pillow. she loves the mum she made up in her head n she wishes she got to meet her. there’s this sense tht maybe then she wouldn’t feel like this culmination of missing parts more than a person if she’d had that in her life. sighs n lks away holding my dyed black emo bang.....

tulip : how does your muse view people in general ?

cricket is like. the strangest little anomaly of a person FGHKSFGHSFKGH bc like. u would rly think that after everything he’s been thru he would just have this absolutely jaded view of people and life in general and i wouldn’t even......... blame him for it if he did like. i’d understand completely bc he’s experienced A Lot of bad stuff. n yet somehow he just.... idk. i think i wrote in a reply once this comparison of cricket n a cockroach in the sense that they have this incredibly reinforced exoskeleton n even if they’re stomped flat they can keep living n bounce back from it n that’s very him but it’s more specifically the hope inside him. he has this little candle lit that good things can still happen midst all of the terrible things n i genuinely can’t see it snuffing out at any point even tho sometimes he might want it to. sometimes i think he even gets into these frames of mind where it jst infuriates the fk out of him bc in his head he’s like why do u even think good shit can happen when u have sm overwhelming evidence to the contrary but then he’s also like. look u can dwell on the bad or u can notice the way the light falls thru the leaves in the trees and u can think to urself inside ur head as u listen to someone u love talking abt something that makes them happy ‘hey this feeling is nice n there’s a dozen others like it’. idk. against all odds he’s an optimist. he has tinnitus in his left ear n sometimes he pretends the ringing is angels trying to talk to him. he likes to search for the silver linings in things to make them bearable n that’s how he gets by. obviously he knows there’s evil in the world n that a lot of people can be shit bc he has firsthand experience w that but he also believes there are people to serve as the antithesis to that n he wants to focus on them bc like. why give bad stuff the time of day. not necessarily always a positive coping mechanism (if u bottle up bad feelings n thoughts they leak thru one way or another aka his overwhelming anxiety) but like.... i think there’s a lot of bravery in that n i respect him for it i won’t lie. he cld have become very bitter bt instead he’s like that quote that’s like 'the gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it'. suddenly slaps his little anxious rump (supportive) (affectionate)

marigold : is your muse prone to jealousy ? how might they handle envious feelings ?

it’s hard to say w ziggy............... i feel like he doesn’t want to think he’s prone to jealousy bc he’s like i’m literally a god wdym i simply wld never give a fk bc i know i’m above all else................. but like. do u actually believe that ziggy. do u. FKGJHKSJGHFGSHFGKSHGKFHG. he’s good at convincing himself at least........... has me fooled too most of the time. bt. thinks abt this.............. i feel like he doesn’t tend to get jealous over ppl he hooks up w a lot of the time bt there’s definitely a few select ppl he might.......... n then he doesn’t rly know what that feeling is bc he’s so unused to feeling it so he’s like wtf why am i so fking pissed off over the thought of this person fking that person? like literally doesn’t even. connect the dots n make the logical conclusion bc it jst seems so bizarre n nonsensical to him. rly is awful at working out his own feelings like. he cld just suddenly explode one day n have to smash a bunch of shit in a junkyard n after his chest is heaving n he has all this broken stuff around him n he’s just like yo wtf was that man forreal lmfaoooooooooo..... like he just doesn’t even get how his own emotions work it’s tragic n it’s men for u. w anxious feelings he represses them a lot he doesn’t rly understand what they r or know how to recognise them........... i honestly feel like he has a lot of anxiety surrounding his mum esp w her dating n like some of the guys they’ve both had to deal w that she’s dated in the past.......... i doubt he processes that healthily or expresses it healthily either..... probably contributes to the tensions between him n his mum they hv a lot of underlying issues that come out in the form of bickering n petty disagreements...... probably a huge contributor to him acting out so terribly in high skl was just all this pent up worried energy with no means of making sense of itself or like. place to go. like shaking a coke bottle over n over n finally having to crack the lid n let it fizz on something. i also think he probably swallowed a lot of jealousy growing up whenever other kids had gd relationships w their fathers or parents in general probably ws kind of like lmfaooooo yo why don’t mine love me like that. in his head...... so ya. i think he copes w anxious feelings by acting out n also fucking if we’re being honest......... it helps him let off steam <3 king of clapping cheeks ig....

chrysanthemum : how does your muse express romantic love ? how do they feel about love as a concept ?

bradley is kind of hard to read romantically like from an outside perspective but slides on my thin rimmed spectacles n picks up my scalpel to delve right in to the nitty gritty of her brain... omg... that sounded... kind of scary actually but. it’s ok. basically settles in. bradley struggles to verbalise her feelings in this regard but also in a general sense honestly.... like she’s spent a lifetime having any vulnerable or negative feeling shut down....... her dad’s the type of personality where it’s like... u can’t win. even tho he’s narcissistic n thinks he’s a god if u compliment him or express affection he’ll act pleased but there’ll also be this register in his eyes where he thinks less of u for it. so this rly had a domino effect in bradley’s emotional expression in all grounds of life...... romance is probably the most frivolous concept to tony so bradley definitely internalised some of these views n wld feel stupid for ever taking anything seriously in that regard or rly investing herself..... she also just. idk. love has only ever left bite marks in bradley’s world so she’d kind of like ‘why wld i ever expose my tender spots n open myself up to someone just so they can sink their teeth in’. i will say tho that like. despite that she can in rare instances develop those feelings n it’s always like..... quite a struggle for her when she does. she doesn’t rly understand it or how to deal w it. she finds talking about it hard n she feels childish or weak in the eyes of whoever knows how she’s feeling. it takes a long time n a lot of work to earn it bt bradley in love is like. ur the only person on the planet who knows how gentle she can b. she’d literally like. touch the face of this one guy i wrote her being in love w when he was sad so gently it was shocking it ws like a love tht deep unlocked a whole other part of her she didn’t know existed. sex is a big part of her love expression jst like. a lot of it. so much. JHGSFKHGSFGKHFKGSHG let’s get it.......... she’s a ride or die n doesn’t do anything in halves. she has a nasty habit of pushing good things away n also wld probably do this to protect the other person bc her world is a never ending shit show with her father’s presence in every room even when he isn’t physically there. she wldn’t wna subject someone she loved to the danger of that bc she hates it enough herself so. idk. smiles w hand on hip. love isn’t something bradley thinks is on the menu fr her bc she’s only ever known it to be hard or mean n why bother trying when that’s the case. it feels like there’s always small print attached tht will hurt her in the end n nothing is free or genuine. very doomed outlook on love in general tbh.

belladonna : how does your muse respond to silence ? do they take comfort in soundlessness , or seek to fill the void with noise ?

nyla honestly doesn’t mind silence at all........ they always wake up rly early in the morning no matter what time they went to bed. it’s like someone programmed an oven timer into their brain n often when they wake up at 6am or something they’ll go on walks around irving tottering in their own little world which is quite a quiet experience in itself when the rest of the world’s asleep........... always off on impromptu adventures they came up w on the spot.......... sometimes they get lost in their own train of thought too so they just randomly fall silent bc they’re having a whole conversation w themselves inside their head or like. writing a whole children’s story abt an iguana in a trench coat floating in a hot air balloon smoking a little vintage pipe all the way to peru. honestly for every 1 thing nyla says there’s about 4987295749572592745 things they don’t say tht are x100 times stranger n more nonsensical they sort of let it all drift thru their head like an open sieve for the most part. having said tht i think in order to sleep at night they probably need some sort of white noise or smthn................. it’s handy living in a beach house bc they just leave the window open to let the ocean gush bt sometimes if they’ve snuck into like. mido’s bed fr the night or someone’s bed idk the sound of them breathing works too................. they used to always sleep w bob ross playing on loop n that was rly comforting to them esp bc he reminds them a lot of their dad w his calming voice n energy.............. sometimes they’d have taken smthn n they’d literally hallucinate it as their dad instead of bob ross n this happened so many times in a row fr a period of time tht when they finally watched it sober they were like wtf since when did they recast my dad in this show...... KJHFGSHFGKSHFKGH but also. frowns... bit sad considering.

#magda | memes #cricket | memes #ziggy | memes #bradley | memes #nyla | memes #death tw #grief tw #anxiety tw #fortyfivcs #drugs tw #abuse tw #i think thts all tws theyre like not covered in detail obviously bt still #i put under read more bc i wrote literal essays fr everything idk what happened to me....#also thank u fr the ask sexy :yum:

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alphaketoglutaricacid · 4 years

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@onehithero said: also we know theres at least some actual animals besides gadoll liek the scorpion n cows tht show up for a sec in ep 1 so tankers hav tht going for them re: food sources ..SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH deca dence essay got sleeper agent activated

onehithero said: i rly like what usaid abt kabu from natsumes pov too but i cannot form a half cohernet thought abt tht one

onehithero said: ALSO ALSO i think its interesting how the ep 8 conversation w minato is i think the only time kabu talks abt being jealous of humans being able to choose their own paths

onehithero said: also how minatos convinced hes like a good lil cog in the machine yet hes done 50 things tht wuld get him labeled as a bug but he just ignores all tht. the both of them can be so disconnected w reality

onehithero said: like minato didnt know abt 1)natsume 2) how the system has made kabu so severely depressed n he culdnt put up w it anymore.n minato continues pushing the just go along w the system shit he doesnt understand tht he was contributing to kabus misery.. n bc of tht kabu doesnt trust minato enough to tell him abt natsume for so long but then he goes n asks smth so big of him as go against the system

onehithero said: thinks abt how kabu n minato r obviously so important to each other but minato understands him less n less over time & kabu kinda already knew its risky to confide in minato like minato did know abt pipe which was a long time ago but he didnt know abt natsume til kabu was already sacrifing himself for her sake. n yet kabu then goes n tries to get him on his side anyway cuz he wants tht so badly..

onehithero said: OMG OMG CHEWS THESE WORDS SLOWLY N THROUGHLY SO DELICIOUS THANK U THANK U u get it u understand i love reading n writing essay lengh responses abt deca dence & again u just hit the nail on the head w this

Please let me know if this @ u 8 times and sorry if it did. I will reply under this readmore but i love this enthusiasm! I like discussing this stuff so if u want keep it coming. I wanna understand deca dence better and i think i will by sharing ideas w other ppl.

I think kabu and minatos relationship is as good as it is because theres clearly a lot of mutual love and respect between them even when they don’t understand each other and thats why minato still runs after him when he hears kabu going suicide mission lets go baby. I think its interesting that minato was like ready to lie down and accept getting mass scrapped until he hears kabu go im about to be hilarious and hes like actually living and staying alive sounds great actually forget what i said about it being over. you are so right about kabu and trust and natsume. I will always cherish episode 5 where kabu gives this big rousing speech about how natsume inspired him and saved his life and minatos there like ..who? ..what?? I think they may not be used to hiding things from each other. Also I think them drifting apart mirrors natsume and feis drifting apart tho I think while feis the instigator on that side kabus more on his side and minato like natsume is like wondering what in da world is going on. I think someone else wrote about this better than I can.

I do think minato does know kabus severely depressed because theres this line in ep 4 where he puts his hand on kabu and says like you’ve toiled enough at that awful job. and also in episode 11 when he and kabu talk and kabu says he was in a similar place as minato now in that he was waiting every day to be scrapped minato has no reaction until kabu says but that bug saved me. I think he knows kabus very depressed but he does not know how to address it cuz the system never gives either of them the tools or options for it. Though also I feel the system discourages meaningful relationships between the cyborgs so I think what minato and kabu have is likely pretty rare. Kabu donetello and turkey also fought together for a long time but turkey turns on donetello in a second even tho they fought together, he was his number two, and they were in prison together, and were pretty much all they got and donetello kills him in turn. I also think minato probably knew because he’s empathetic. Like I’m not sure about compassion but he’s very good at understanding where other ppl are and how to meet them in the middle so both parties get something they want. That’s how he got all the gamers to collect the old deca dence parts. Not by cashing in on ppl doing the right thing but by framing it as the final mission. He gets his lgbt community center coworkers for fight with him one last time by appealing to their sense of duty. He got the system to put kabu in jail instead of getting scrapped when Mikey got scrapped for a lesser offense. The list goes on. A tangent but I think the fact he acknowledges the living conditions of the humans are gonna get worse if nothing’s done even tho he’s apathetic at best towards them shows even when the system tries to mold the cyborgs into the roles it wants, sometimes the traits they have just keep on going despite themselves. I’m gonna stop myself before I go into jill and this theme but I’m gonna talk about it someday. So I think its more likely than not he knew but he didn’t know how to navigate around it also because it’s heavily implied he’s going thru the same thing and I think kabu might genuinely have no idea Bc kabu lacks empathy but his heart... is huge. When he hears minato express his feelings of not knowing what he wants he instantly tries to reach out and explain minatos not alone in what he feels. This is why they’re good foils. while kabu moves past where he was in the start where he states he does not intend to oppose the system and his compliance while also trying to do the bare minimum drives him to suicide, and finds the willpower and a reason to live and rebel against the system through his connection to other people (first natsume , he hangs out w kurenai sometimes too, and then with the jail robots). Meanwhile minato whos stuck in his literal ivory tower (it’s a Metaphor) never makes any of these connections. It’s the irony of kabu working at a armor repair job giving him some ability to connect w others vs minatos higher position isolating him from everyone else. I think kabu living amongst the ppl he harmed drove him to give up on life quicker, while minato being far apart shielded him from rlly having to see the effects of his actions I think he was headed a lil slower in the same direction. I think we’re led to believe minatos okay where he is but I think towards the end it’s clear minato has spent most of the series also in a bad place. I think he views things very similarly to kabu in that he wants to use what power he does have to protect the ppl he cares about similar to how initially kabu tried to just convince natsume to quit several times and he was like whatever at the rest of the humans who are natsumes comrades dying but he chooses to put it all on the line and try for some systemic change when he sees natsumes determination to fight. Also I think minato holds very little loyalty to the system cuz he doesn’t only like breaks 1000 rules for kabu (the hypocrisy) but he also looks the other way a lot. For example, when he overheard the top rankers talk about limiters he’s like I’ll pretend I don’t hear it also turn on private mode next time and he doesn’t berate them for considering cheating. Also donetello has been using an illegal avatar to climb to S rank again (isn’t it interesting that even after the ranked system is abolished something similar took its place). And his avatar looks the same as it did when minato worked with the guy. There’s probably like not that many ppl in s rank. And he calls himself donetello. Minato knows he’s supposed to be in jail but does he tell anyone? He’s like well.. that looks like someone else’s problem if they notice *goes and vapes* it’s so funny how little minato cares but it’s also not funny Bc some of minatos cruelest actions and things he’s complicit in are born not outta malice but apathy to everything. I think it shows (tangent number 4?) how the systems use of excessive force is counter productive cuz neither minato nor kabu are willing to report anything to disrupt the order Bc neither of them think the level of punishment is warranted. I also think that minato is probably the first person kabu really opens up to about why on a personal level he feels the system needs to be destroyed after Ep 7 is really interesting. It really speaks to how deep their [mutual and not platonic relationship I don’t know how to label ] is. I also think that he admits to minato that he envies human is rlly interesting and would like to hear what u have to think! I think it’s interesting that what really sets minato off is kabu saying he wants to choose for himself and also wants other cyborgs to have that freedom and I think it’s one of the few times we see minato get genuinely angry and have it not stem from worry. Tangent 5 I’m really extrapolating here but I think it’s very likely given how high up minato is that he likely knows of several cyborgs that rebelled against the system for similar reasons as kabu and knows how it ends and I think it probably feeds into his defeatist attitude. I think his role in the system must really kill whatever grasp of whatever minato has cuz he constantly has to act like it’s almost the end of the world and he’s strapped for resources all the time for like decades and decades of having to fake that type of desperation to entertain ur player base and cuz ur also on tv to entertain the general populace to distract them from their soul sucking jobs. I think that’s gotta mess with his perception of himself and also his ability to see that struggle as real and genuine. I think that’s also gotta be hard cuz he seems like out of his whole fuck we r under attack persona he seems like he’s a lil closed off but generally chill and somewhat upbeat to ppl who know him and he just wants to be isabella from animal crossing. I got really off track here. I think what really gets me is their relationship is built on knowing each other so well and so long , and how it’s managed to survive and persist through all this tragedy. They really mutually respect and love each other and that’s why kabu let’s minato walk away from his revolution even tho it compromises everything he works for. It’s why minato ultimently accepts kabus willingness to die for a tanker even tho he really doesn’t get it at all and it means it’s goodbye forever. But it’s still not enough to save either of them. Minato can’t save kabu from trying to passively starving himself to death and I’m not sure if kabu even knows where minato is at mentally. Sometimes no matter how close u are to someone there r things u miss and things u can’t help each other with. Even tho the two resolve to fight and then die together cuz this seems like the best choice Bc the system they were born into offers no alternatives, the deca dence doesn’t even activate without the help of other ppl. I think it shows one relationship cant support all that weight. In the end it is through their bonds with other ppl that gets them to an ending where they both survive when they decided alone their only option is death. Also u are so right about the other animals existing I totally forgot ty I cannot believe I forgot about the scorpion which calls to natsumes hairstyle which is a visual gag on how natsumes a bug and how like a scorpion, although unassuming, and fucking kill u, just like how her trying to get her boss to open up eventually leads to the whole thing toppling down. I also have a lot of thoughts about natsume but I’m still thinking of them and thinking hard Bc sometimes she becomes kabus inspiration Pinterest board and I don’t like that. When she shines she really shines but it starts getting sloppy towards the end so I have to think a lil longer about it. Okay I’m done. Also it’s kinda hard for me to look like I’m agreeing to ur points and nodding in this format but I really appreciate ur thoughts and will try to convey this. Maybe by formatting as a response to each of ur replies next time

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gayregis · 4 years

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blood and wine rewrite au basic layout

i already posted something like this before but i cant find the post so im just rewriting all of this from the top of my head

everyone’s repurposed roles:

geralt - he’s still a witcher. he’s geralt of rivia. obviously. i don’t have time or interest to think about how to rewrite the entire witcher 3 game to be lore-friendly, but i assume there would be less triss and more dandelion involved in it. for this let’s just take him as geralt having done everything in tw3 but with the personality of geralt from the books because geralt from the games doesn’t have much of a strong personality good for writing or thinking about.

regis - a bitch. nah jk. he’s same regis but just what he was like 100 years ago when he got his head cut off. he’s less spiralling-into-doom than he was then, and is less desperate and hopeless overall, but is slowly getting there once again. he doesn’t remember anything about learning from his mistakes and becoming a good person, because this regis didn’t get any of that. to this regis, it’s like no time has passed at all since he died, and he’s ready to start partying again without any thought of the consequences. he’s moved to toussaint because everyone’s already tipsy there and the north is plagued by war so it’s not a really great source to be drinking from (like if there was a sewage leak near the vineyard you sourced your wine from). he doesn’t remember anything about maturing up or about becoming a surgeon or about the hansa, so that sucks.

dettlaff - not a fucking maniac. actually a character geralt will likely spend a good amount of time talking to. total character overhaul because he does not have a personality in the actual DLC. he arrived in toussaint because he had heard that regis had returned and wanted to fix things wih him, he had previously left him.

syanna - not a fucking dumbass, yet still naive in her own way due to being blinded with the promise of power. in this, she is planning to stage a coup on the duchy (because she is the older sister, so it IS her right by law) and she supports regis’ slow dive again into uncontrollable insanity because it helps her prop up rumors that her sister’s reign is ineffective against real threats and is cursed. but this alliance does not go as she planned...

orianna - in this, she is the owner of a gladiatorial school (instead of an orphanage), and is still like in canon a wealthy and influential individual of beauclair, yet reclusive from human society. she is regis’ best friend and goads him on, because she never fixed her own issues with alcoholism and now is elated to have him back and forgetting that they had disagreements which drove them apart in the first place. they’re best friends (NO romance) and it’s just good to see how insanely different orianna and geralt are because they’ve both been regis’ close friends at different points in time.

the purpose of this:

fix regis’ relationships with the vampires. he slowly drove all of his good friends away by going off the deep end and many are likely wondering whatever happened to him. but books regis would never consider partying like that again, so we bring the party regis back and then slowly de-escalate him into normal books regis again, and we finally get closure with him and his old friends.

cool dramatic stereotypical vampire shit. i’m talking about a final battle or conversation in a giant dark castle with large open windows and billowing drapery.

regis’s hairstyle

give syanna actual agency as a character and give her motivations that extend beyond pure revenge (although they are related to revenge) and make her more unique so she is not just a ripoff of renfri.

demonstrate anna henrietta and geralt’s relationship as it was in the books. he was genuinely intimidated by her and i interpret him as being jealous of her relationship with dandelion, so he in practice was quite withdrawn around her as she was her overemotional and embellished self

give dettlaff an actual character, holy shit. i hate how sorely underdeveloped he is in the game. i understand why because it’s not meant to be writing, it’s meant to be a video game, but come on. i hate having the vampire with the cool character design be the ultimate villain of the whole narrative. in this, he’s someone geralt can talk to and sees himself in. he’s emotionally mature and doesn’t mix with the other vampires. since we already know what regis is like, we don’t have to sit through dettlaff making excuses for him and trying to describe what his character is like. we also get a better view of regis’ past through dettlaff’s lense.

give orianna an actual character, holy shit. i hate how they didn’t even try with her and just used her as a “surprise, she is quite evil!” gimmick. have her actually have a larder for blood that is lore-friendly yet still jumps out at the audience as morally wrong. give her more personality and development.

examine regis’ backstory without actually getting into every single year of those 4 centuries. we can examine how it started good, turned bad, went worse... there’s a lot of loss involved and i think this would be nice to process it.

roughly what happens (under cut because if i ever do write this fic out, this is spoilers, literally the synopsis of the whole thing):

anna henrietta sends envoys to geralt. they establish that the duchess has no conflict with geralt and that her conflict was with dandelion, only. she has requested his help because he effectively dealt with many monsters while he was in beauclair and established a trustworthy reputation (also, he’s famous, and toussaintoirs are superficial). instead of the beast of beauclair killing particular victims, it’s the countryside which has been plagued by vicious attacks of the devil knows what.

geralt arrives and examines the scenes of the attacks. the sincere majority of the victims are alive, so he speaks to them. they remember nothing, but woke up with their village fucking absolutely trashed and with vomit everywhere. they all have wounds on their necks. geralt thinks he knows what’s up, but is reluctant to deal with it because of his memories of regis, who he misses

damien de la tour is assigned to geralt as a sort of backup. they argue and geralt manages to get him to stay put in beauclair while he rides to a village they believe will be attacked next. it’s not even a full moon so the vampires don’t even come out in their bat form (disappointing) but instead just mesmerize their way in in humanoid form. dettlaff sneaks up on geralt who is (ahem) staking out the situation, and is like hey dont kill regis hes not evil hes just misguided!! and geralt is like REGIS? EMIEL REGIS? THTS WHO’S LEADING THEM? i ..... i know him.... and dettlaff’s like what the fuck how... then they get caught and regis is like oh hey dettlaff who’s this guy and geralt feels very left out :( and also sad bc regis doesnt remember shit and geralt even lists the hansa members by name and regis is still like O_O ok yeah im just going to hypnotize you to get lost ok goodbye! but dettlaff prevents him from doing this and they both get thrown out of the party.

after the party geralt is a mess and is like wtf so hes back and what... how... huh... and dettlaff doesnt know how he returned or why he returned either but they compare geralt’s knowledge of how regis died with dettlaff’s knowledge of how regeneration works and they figure out that regis just regenerated from his past body and that’s why he doesn’t have any of his memories from when he turned good.

then they eavesdrop a little more and find out that syanna has been talking to regis and making deals with him (its... not really like she thinks, regis really hasnt been doing anything he doesnt want to. shes just like “hey can you attack this village here” and regis is like yeah i was gonna host a party there tomorrow night ...) so they are like who the fuck is this woman and track her down to her base of operations, and then they find out that THEY got followed by damien de la tour, who identifies her as sylvia anna. geralt is a little miffed on behalf of dandelion that damien seems to be so close to anna henrietta but i digress.

geralt reports his findings to the duchess but does NOT mention regis because the duchess knows who regis is. then we get the same vampire talk from canon b&w where the duchess and damien are sorely misinformed on every single thing ever.

geralt is defeated and has no idea on how to fix this and hes looking hard into a mirror by candlelight and then decides to go to bed so he turns around and regis is right behind him like hey. cue ‘holy shit what the fuck’ moment and freaking out. regis explains himself and says that he doesnt remember him but the fact that he gave so many specifics weirded him out and he kind of wants to know more out of curiosity. also he wants to talk to dettlaff but feels too bad about how he argued with him like 3 centuries ago that he cant just ask him directly.

so they talk and geralt is all :(( and regis is like ok well. i kinda want to get these memories back because they sound pretty significant and also im pretty miserable. but also im not going to stop partying bc its the only thing that makes me feel alive rn. so long!

geralt and dettlaff talk to orianna and she dislikes them both but still talks to them and then regis materializes and also begins bothering them and its quite civil but this scene just serves to demonstrate how annoying they are as friends lol

there’s scenes where you can either save damien / syanna from being unalived by the vampires’ / regis’ hand, only if you let syanna die will the duchess be mad and accuse you of being heartless like dandelion is and then geralt and the duchess actually get into an argument bc of that comment but geralt ofc loses bc hes scared of her lol

no matter what you get regis his memories back but your decisions to either continue helping him or not is what makes him change or not. even after he gets his memories back (or because he gets his memories back?) he decides to raze beauclair bc hes just so fucking miserable and geralt has to talk him down, if you are harsh and not understanding and shame him etc then he doesnt change, if you condemn his actions but still offer your support then he does.

if you offer your support > geralt talks about the hansa like For Ever and regis then adds in everything and yay regis is back to normal. theres like a wholesome montage of geralt being like “just TRY to sew up a wound i promise you you will be good at it” and regis does and hes splendid at it. regis and dettlaff finally make up and are bros once again. we help orianna with her issues and she realizes stuff but is still going to have a drink once in a while. if syanna is alive she doesnt hate on any of this but just decides to make up with the duchess and then become captain of the guard (damien gets fired for being a dumbass).

if you do not offer your support > regis goes to cry in a delapidated creepy old castle and you have an epic fight (geralt is backed up by dettlaff) and he turns into a bat and geralt almost dies, they manage to decapitate regis again and put him in the ground and set a timer for 50 years

if you redeem regis then there’s an ending scene where the duchess is like “oh regis i didnt know you were in town” and hes just like <:) ahaha... yeah...

cue crying about milva/cahir/angouleme For Ever. maybe link this with the fic where geralt and regis bring them all back as ghosts/real ppl and then they have to deal with those consequences

#blood and wine rewrite au #regis #geralt #thoughts

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delbeugre · 4 years

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Have you seen SADIE BEUGRE? DEL is in HER/THEIR SENIOR year. The MATHEMATICS MAJOR is 24 years old & is a CAPRICORN. People say SHE/THEY are GRITTY, BEWITCHING, RETICENT and WASPISH. Rumors say they’re a member of HASTINGS. I heard from the gossip blog that SHE BIT AN EX-BOYFRIEND’S PINKY FINGER OFF AFTER SHE FOUND OUT HE CHEATED, AND THEN HAPPILY SERVED TIME FOR IT.

im tommy im a freak and of course i am here to get freakalicious with u all... this is my newest frankenstein type creation named sadie i know .02% about her yet but i am more than confident she will b nothing but a fun time! like this if ur down to plot!

TW: VIOLENCE, MENTIONS OF JAIL/PROSECUTION, MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, DRUG USE

BACKSTORY

capricorn sun / virgo moon / scorpio rising

raised by her uncle Big (his name) who is a hermit shut in town local in the depths of the florida marshland like some goosebumps protagonist. hes gone far past socially acceptable in terms of his ability to connect with the modern person but is wise beyond belief... his whole vibe is a warped cross between a cryptid and a mountain man that forages and cooks neighborhood plants. married for 27 years before his wife passed from illness. its quite possibly the only thing hes ever been emotional about

but dels entry to his life throws a wrench in his sadness (despite abandonment being what they bond over). she takes the focus away from his loss with her presence; her dad, his brother, died in a tragic train-car collision around the same time (which is speculated to be a suicide bt nobody can ever really be sure). he was a single parent so her custody is thrown up in the air for a few months as cps decides what they r gna do with this freshly orphaned little scrapper

she just kinda turns up on his doorstep n from there they cohabit a space. shes arnd 6-7 at this time... big never seemed to b phased by the fact tht she was a child n tended to treat her more like an apprentice or guest. he was never close to her father because of their age difference, being the older out of the two, so to have his daughter become his responsibility is just..... weird

this doesnt mean that he wouldnt provide for her bt it was. not very parental whatsoever.... no conversation or interaction beyond what was necessary. she was a mute fr a while and still is? to a degree.... very short spoken

when she got to her preteens he offered her an allowance in exchange for little odds and ends of stuff to be taken care of around the house. errands n all tht.... sometimes he wld purposefully leave things for her to pick up n take care of without mentioning it for a bonus. taught her the importance of saving your money and the horrid corruptness of a society basing everythings worth off paper. big exposed her to a lot of knowledge and took advantage of her silent curiosity by fueling it with books, homeschooling, life skills (catching a fish, setting a trap, knowing your berries in the woods...... the works)

her teens carried out the same way bt with the introduction of a real job, a spot down at the local butcher shop checking people out at the register and helping around the back of house. del knows a great deal abt cow/pig/chicken/etc anatomy from her years here..... she committed to being 100% vegan into her early twenties because of her trauma frm this occupation

it paid very well tho n was the best gig she was going to get within a reasonable biking route from home. so she settled!

the plan wasnt to keep it up for long anyway. she worked rly hard for her spot at yates and didnt intend to ever screw herself over. her plan was to get her bachelors, masters, become a professor, pursue a personal hobby of agriculture and build an elaborate greenhouse to live in

bt things happen.....

some 35yr old douche with a green thumb woos her at a gardening store n swoops in to teach her a little more abt romance; all of this, of course, under the guise that he had all these tips and tricks for living environmentally friendly. a lame hippie wannabe that shouldve never even approached her bt alas.... he did

love is a touchy subject n it hadnt been something she set her sights on, but she was interested in wht this dude could teach her n at 19 she ended up falling in love. she delayed her education to stay an extra year back home and work out another plan which included him

this was very disappointing to her uncle bt he didnt have anything to say abt it. it was never parental before n it was never going to be, so this was another lesson she wld just have to overcome on her own

it turns out that she doesnt care for infidelity. when the confession comes out its met with a lot of screaming, bawling, blistering white hot anger. the whole incident is blacked out of her mind to b honest....

matters of the heart are no longer something to concern herself with because of the repercussions of her rash behavior regarding heartbreak O________O she spent a year in jail n still has to attend therapy / anger management meetings

deep down she is still hurting. there was a lot of pain... bt the sadness is not over the loss of some noob. she is in a state of constant disappointment, detaching from herself out of shame. putting her own life on pause only for it to turn out like that? stupid stupid stupid...

PERSONALITY

chugging along! tldr spectre-like swamp nymph aura with the slightest (not so slight) unhinged feral tendencies

delicate like a moth resting in the gleam of a flashlight.... her anger singes her wings when shes too comfortable staying in one place, so theres always constant stimulation, always shifting gears. shes prone to feeling threatened; that being said, sadie is wary of walking in crowds, a little bit skittish when approached without making eye contact beforehand. like a small grey kitten..... in a big wide world

has a hard time keeping a conversation bt is very interested in debate, and even more so in studying alongside someone in complete silence. it reminds her of home in the same sense tht her uncle wld nudge her to keep reading by always having his own book open

doesnt have many friends and is alright with that. rumors are tht she is still a virgin bt who really knows? not i...... bt i wldnt be surprised if this was true. shes not impressed by people nor material items so this whole yates crowd is a turn off

she is truly clueless when it comes to how to behave around anyone her age. i think she understands but it just doesnt compute. she could come off as impolite bt it is just standoffishness? some people cld try to crack her but i dont think even she knows what that would be, or what that would look like. even in her one (1) failed relationship it was never deep heart to hearts or sharing dinner..... solitude is her realm

del is very comfortable with herself, very open with her wardrobe! doesnt leave too much to the imagination? she appreciates the human experience n expresses that thru this whole “body is a temple” type thing.... not quite confidence, but proudness of being. has gotten multiple notices frm professors for her tops being too sheer, nylons too ratted up, etc. has dirt under her fingernails half the time, chipped polish, some chapstick. smudges her eyeshadow on with her fingers

doesnt smoke cigarettes all too often but is dependent on weed. it kinda perpetuates her paranoid demeanor bt at the same time it keeps her lax enough to be able to mentally handle city life

her room is a playground for huge monstera plants, christmas cacti, ivy creeping along the doorway. she sleeps on a tiny thin mattress on the floor with a linen sheet and has her books stacked up on the ground next to it to hold her ashtray. the whole thing is dumb empty

takes her studies seriously and pinches every penny she can..... she has never ordered herself a coffee frm somewhere before, ordered food frm a restaurant... nothing. i wld think the most she would branch out from harvesting everything on her own is buying a bag of sunflower seeds frm a gas station, but even then, she much prefers eating stuff she grows herself. has a tomato plant, some basil beginning to sprout, etc.... manageable crops for any college students tiny space

...

bt yea thats it thats all! connections cld be all over the place. im legit open to anything. theres only a few tht come to mind right off that bat:

a few people that get along with her? same classes? they shared a bowl n now theyre getting into the nitty gritty of some personal conversation that is veering into no mans land....

some sort of clueless makeover moment? arent rly into sadie as a person bt see a lot of potential... perhaps need a plus one to a party on the fly and figure thats the best option theyve got

crushes? this wld be fun n potentially dangerous! like playing with a hot cast iron pan or something :)

again im vry new to rp so i wld like to leave a lot of stuff up to chemistry, brainstorming n stuff like that, but please consider everything on the table! what i hav mentioned is the tip of the iceberg im so burnt out n i wrote a lot more than i intended to i am so sorry but i promise i am friendly

#yatesintro #/tw implied violence #/tw death mention #/tw drug use #/tw jail mention

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usopp-writes · 3 years

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Late night comfort

You tossed yourself arund in your bed, trying to be as quiet as possible, so you wouldn’t wake up your bunk mates. The noises weren’t that uncommon, but you didn’t want them to lack sleep either, as cranky pirates weren’t funny to be around.

A silent sigh left you, as you couldn’t find sleep coming to you. Looking at the watch, you goraned silently. 2 a.m. Yu’ve been trying to sleep for three freaking hours now. With a small sigh, you sat up and swung your legs over the edge of your bunk. Luckily you’d insited on getting the bottom bunk and therefor you couls slid into your clothes rather quietly.

The door cracked lightly, but you tried to be as silent as possible. You had your shoes in your hand, as you left the room and you kept them in your hand, until you had left the hall with the sleeping quarters. Firs then did you slip them on and made your way tot he mess hall. If you were lucky, there would be something to snack on. You debated with yourself whether you should get sme coffee and join the night watch.

The ship felt oddly empty, as you walked through the hallways. Gone was the normally buzzing noises and you didn’t meet anyone on your way. Even so, you did like the peace and decided to get some coffee, but not to help watching over the others. You could go into the library and either read or see if there were some paperwork that needed to be done. Or you could do inventory or something productive.

Yes. You wuldn’t use this insomnia to do something for yourself, you could find another time for that. Being selfish wasn’t really you and you would rather help your family or do something for them, than taking time for yourself.

You didn’t stop to think what could cause your insomnia or that you should see if ne of the nurses or doctors were still up, so they could help you. It wasn’t the first time you couldn’t sleep, so you didn’t thikn it to beunusual.

As you entered the mess hall, the large empty room felt slight frigthening and you went to grab a mug and headed to the small table with the coffee. Quickly you got what you came from and went to get some fresh air, so you could wake up more.

You’d barely left the mess hall, when you almost ran into Blenheim, the 9th division commander, who was in charge of tonights watchmen. It wasn’t often the commanders stayed up, but a few did, as they saw their chance to do some paperwork in peace.

Giving him a wague excuse and tired smile, you tried to get away, but his words stopped you and you turned to look at him.

“Why don’t you keep me company, y/n? You look like you could use company and not solitude.” His voice was soft, a contrast to his light rough appearance.It was even softer than usual, you could hear him care about you and your wellbeing. However, you could also hear him worry and you should have known that your insomnia wouldn’t go unticed by the commanders. It was a miracle that Marco hadn’t called you in for a check and to talk about it.

“If it isn’t too much trouble.” You mumbled and followed him to the office near the kitchen. You’d never been in this room, but you knew it was mostly used by the commanders to go trough paperworks and inventory lists. Thatch, Fossa, Marco, Izo and Blenheim were the ones using it the most, from your observation.

You sat down, placing the cup onto the desk, waiting form him to do or say something. The silence suddenly felt overwhelming and you partly wish you were still in bed, sleeping soundly, but yu knew that you couldn’t sleep. His eyes rested shortly at you and you saw the worries and care in them, making you squirm a little.

It was still a little unusual for you to receive care and love like this. You hadn’t been part of this family for more than a few months and everything still felt new, but you loved to have a family and a place to call home. It was the best feeling you had ever had. Growing up, you’d been first tossed between family members, but when you were 8, none cared enough to take care of you and you’d been left on your own.

“Y/n. Do you know why you can’t sleep?” Blehaim’s voice brought yu out of your thoughts and memories of the harsh and cold childhood of yours. You looked up and into his eyes, while you lightly shook your head. You’d tried to figure out why you couldn’t sleep, but couldn’t.

He nodded thughtfully, before smiling lightly. “I remember that feeling all too well. Everything is so new. A new bed, a new room, a new space to be and most important, new people, all with their own weird habits and routine. My mind was overfloaded with inputs that I didn’t cnciously registered. And back then, this crew was way smaller than it is now.”

You blinked. Was that the reason why you couldn’t find peace most of the time and sleep? You frowned, trying to figure out if that could be it, but you ended up shrugging, not sure. However, it could be. Your whole world was turned upside down in a heartbeat when you first saw Whitebeard. Instinctively you knew that he was the father your heart had been searching for.

“But I want to be here.” You looked confused.

He chuckled lightly. “So do I and I did that back then too. It has nothin to do with you wanting to be here or not, but simply that you’re getting a lot of new information in such a short period of time. Your mind hadn’t have the chance to settle and adust yet. I think it’ sbecause you are trying too hard to show that you being family wans’t a bad choice.”

He was right. You tried to be the best sibling and helpful, wanting to let everyone know that you truly belonged here. After all, your biggest fear now, was that they thought it was a mistake to ‘adopt’ you and let you become part of the family. Was that the real reason why you couldn’t sleep? You overworked yourself so much that you didn’t confront your fears?

“Listen, we don’t expect you to work as much as you do. You have your duties and when they’re done, we don’t expect you to help out. It’s nice and great you do, but saying no is also okay. Taking time to yourself and spoil yourself is perfectly fine too. What about you and I make a deal?”

“What deal?” His words hit deeper than you thought and you hadn’t expected him to know so much about things you didn’t even knew about before he voiced them. It was a little unsettling, but you reminded yourself tht he was older and had alot more life experiences than you.

Smiling, he leaned forward a little. “You only do your duties for a week, let Izo help you with some selfcare? I want you to learn how to relax, enjoy life and spoil yourself.”

Bliking lightly, you thought about it. Not helping anyone for a week? What would everyone think? They had learned that you were always ready to help. Would they be angry and disappointed if you said no for a whole week? You bit your lips, not really liking the thought ofdisappointing your siblings.

“I ... can’t. What woudl the others think?” You look up at him, beggin him to come with another deal or solution.

“Either that or I command you to do it. Unless you want Marco to get too involved, I suggest you take the deal. Don’t worry, if anyone talks bad about you nt helping, I’ll shut them up. It’s just for a week. You’ll see is passes by in no time and then we talk again.”

A defeated sigh left you and you nodded. It would be hard, but somehow you felt better. Maybe Blenheim had a point. You worked yourself to much to get approved as a sibling, when you deep inside knew that they had accepted you the moment you were introduced as a sibling. It didn’t matter how much you helped out or how little. What mattered was who you were and that you called them family.

“Okay. I take the deal, but you have to help me to say no.” You knew that it was your biggest weakness right now.

“Deal.” He held his hand out and you took it. A deal were made and while you didn’t like it, it somehow also felt like a burden was lifted from your shoulders and you suddenly felt tired. A yawn escaped your lips and you felt your eyelids getting heavier. Sleeping suddenly souded much betterthan anything.

With a tired thanks and good night, you headed back to your bed. You fell asleep almost as soon as your head hit your pillow. With the feeling of being loved for who you were and not what you did filling your heart and mind.

#late night comfort #my fanfic #fanfic #drabble #blenheim #reader insert

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mehiwilldoitlater · 4 years

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”Something of you“ WarxReader

Everybody would say that, even if it was in fact an incorrect quote, that it was normal that a woman would like to stare at her own reflection in the mirror. You would have even agreed if it wasn’t for the fact that you wasn’t staring at yourself but at something else.

At the beginning it started with a little red sign at the perfect centre of your chest, almost invisible o be honest. Only your own eyes were capable to perceive it, but you didn’t mind at all. Your body was covered in scars from the olds days, why bother for something that was as big as the head of a pin? You let the thing slide...until you started to notice some changes in whatever thing you got. It wasn’t just growing as mass of whatever thing was, but more like a pattern, lines that intertwined with eachother, creating a strange and yet mesmerizing design of your skin, becoming more intricating each passing day, just like when a new branch start to grown on a tree. When you realise how “not normal” that thing was, you ask for advice on Fury, the only one that were not that overprotecting on you at the point to take you to the hospital for a cut or strandled you on bed, and she was confused as much as you! At first sight her insticts said that that thing was some kind of angel curse or something, but she was uncapable to feel anything arming on you. It was just a red sign that started to appear on your body and nothing more! But you know that wasn’t near the thruth. The second change appear one day, when you and War were spending a nice and warming spring morning together, admiring a nature that was long forgotten on your planet, bathing in that calming sensation and just enjoying each other presence when you just...feel it. It was like sensing a tingly sensation on your skin, like something crawling on you and when you immediately check on it you saw that lines where not anymore just some red signs, they were glowing! It wasn’tjust a blinking kind of glowing, it was more like the embers of the fire, with brights lines followed by more darked spots of deep red. Even in that occasion you didn’t feel any pain from it, like tht was nothing but that wasn’t even normal! But the worst had happen just a few minutes ago... One thing tat you notice to change with signs? Your tem,perature, you were in a constant feeling that everywhere was hot, a warming sensation that confused your sense to day one. No matter how cold you tried to take, you were capable just to feel a fierly sensation deep inside you, but you tried everything to take it undercontrol, until now at least! War had returned from a mission after a long week , and enjoyed a few days of demons hunt, so the next thing he wanted was spending the next few days in your company, showing you his trophy and talk about these new worlds that he had visited, keeping to himself the idea of showing them to you next time. You were so happy to see him back, completely hide the tingly sensation that was now coming back from you, and completely rapt on his words, hist story...everything. Until you just....burns. War notice it before you could sense it, he saw your clothes start to emitt a series of black clouds of smoke, accompanied by the distinct smell of burnt wood from the table were your hand was resting. Before even your eyes could catch wathever was happening on you, War grabbed you by your shoulder, as faster as when you were in a real danger during the end of days, and throw at the nearest source of water in the area, which was the old water trough near the barn that you and Strife repaired a few weeks ago. Flying over the tantrum that you were almost ready to throw at him for the scene, he started to inspect your body for any trace of harm on you, coming from your spontaneous combustion or from himself, and the only things that he finds was red burning wines that covered your skin, almost touching the visible side of your neck from your now soaked t-shirt, “...Y/N....What is happening?!” And these only four words take here, at the mirror of your bathroom, almost naked, stating that maybe things are not that okay as you were thinking to be. War was outside the wooden door, his hears sharped enough to try to catch anything that was happening inside that tiny room. He was capable to catch the noise of your wet clothes falling on the floor and your frantic feets moving around, checking every angle of your body. And the breath....you were scared. “....Y/N....” He posed his good hand on the surface of the door, hearing a gulp from inside. “Y/N, please, open the door...” “War, i can’t, i don’t...” “I need to see it...you don’t have to hide that, whatever it is i want to help....” A little pause, a sigh from the other side and then door lock finally open. He was...surprised. Usually he was over protective on everything about you, from your mental to your body health, but that thing was almost nice to his eyes. Spirals of fire glowing, intertwine in an enchanting weaves. Some were wide as a finger, other were thin lines, touching each other, caressing every courve of your body. He was allmost mesmerized...untill he saw your scared and embarrassed looks on him. I calm himself, coughing a little to call his composure back, and taking your hand on his to watch closely those strange signs on you, and there happen again. The hand that he was holding became hot, not enough to hurt him of course, but hurt enough to startled the horseman. You immediately take your hand, holding it closed to your chest, whacthing your friend, confused just like you. “...I need to consult my brothers.” //////////// “She was immolate?!” As always it was Strife that broke the intense silence that fall on him and his family, jumping on the fallen trunk that make as a sit near the fire in that desert-like world. Fury was nervous to say the least, she explain that she was there at the beginning but she’d never imagine that something like that could happen on a human! Death was in a feral silent, listening to his brother confusing rumbling about everything that War told them. “She can’t immolate, she would DIE from it!” “I KNOW that, brother. I don’t you to remind me how low humans can take high temperature!” “Well things are changing since she was burning and even didn’t notice it!” “OOOOH Could you two stop?! Arguing it’s useless now!” Fury stand up, putting herself eye level with her twin brother, hair twirling for the exhausting situation. Strife eyes glow in a luminescence rage. “We wouldn’t be aruing NOW if you told us BEFORE!” “Oh yes! Of course! Why didn’t she say anything at the beginning?! Ah yes, because you would have just make thing worse, just like now since you all traite her as a child that need protection from EVERYTHING!” During the arguing, the three didn’t notice the oldest stand up, grab them by their collar and throw them back down to the trunk , raising coulds of dusts, make the youngest just take the message to shut their mouth and let him gather his thoughts. “...Very well...now you two, calm down, this is not the case to start a quarrel....Fury, you said that you felt nothing from it, am i correct?” “...Yes.” “I need to be sure, can you swear to me that nothing of malevolent was growing on her?” “I AM. I sense nothing! It was just a drawing, like a war paint!” Strife left a sigh, but for Death it was enough. He thrusted Fury senses, they were as sharped as his, if there was something she would have taken care of it on the moment! Then his eyes posed on his youngest sibling, War, that now was just more focused on not run to Azrael to find a cure for Y/N. “War...i know you’re concerned for her, but i need you to tell me: before this, did you notice something...off?” War raised his sight, looking in his brother eyes, and then he calm himself and start to recall the last few months. “....Well...she did not avoid me, it was more like something distract her and force her away from me...but she spent time with you all and-” “If you think it’s something that happen to us too, no War. I too spent entire days with her and nothing happen. That means that this happen with you only.” Before a sense of guilty could strike the youngest, Death immediately take him back on him. “And now, most important: did you feel something different in the few months? Anything...sensation of some kind?” His eyes started showing surprise that his brother could know about this thing. He was the same, no signs on his harms, on his skin, not even scars or stuff, but he wasn’t capable even to say that he was the same. Everything changes after the fall of the Charred council, many things were still changing and they would have more, but himself something started to move after his meeting with you. It was like completing a puzzle were he was holdings some parts and you were the owner of the others. A missing part that he never bother to find... “...Not from the few months...from much more time...i’m feel different, capable to understand things i didn’t know...it’s like see a new kind of color, all it’s the same and different at the same time...” He tried his best to explain, even knowing that it was complicated, but Death seemed to understand. The oldest sighed with relief, left a few low laugh, and old his brother shoulder, watch him dirrectely in his eyes. “She’s fine...she’ll be fine, as you will. The only help she’ll need it will be by choice, on help her to control it or just..get rid of it, it won’t even be a painfully operation.” “For creator sake, Death, TALK! What is happening!” Death left War’s shoulder and finally faces his thers siblings, still ina sea of confusion, but at least relief about knowing that you would have spent more days with them alive. “It’s...an old thing..something that i didn’t experienced, but i know it was a common thing in the Nephilim race...we do believed that when a..,.couple, was well matched, part of the soul of each other could reach the other and became one. In other words, something from you come to me and something from me come to you.” “Wait...wait are....are you telling us that part of the soul of War get inside Y/N?” “As a part of Y/N’s soul is, now, inside War...” Fury wasn’t too young during the purge, but that strange story never reached her hears, as Strife’s too, since when a soul can do something as that?! It was a Nephilim thing or others species could do it?! On the other side War was shocked, but still something inside of him was confused. “.....If...If i gave her that.....why didn’t i too have a mark on me, brother? Why i’m not change like her?” “...You mst be blind to this War...you are change, and you can sense it too...” All War’s questions finally started have an answer, and more anserws he received and more he was scared. If verything that Death was saying, if you really had part of his own soul inside of your body, and he had a part of yours....then the meaning was something that even him was not ready to take, or at least he’d believed...

#darksiders #darksiders war #fic

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bxoken-heartss · 4 years

Text

@tu-sonrisaaa-te-amooo asked: Could you do the 8 and 17 fluff with Joel? tht would be cute (ik u hate him lol u could do zabdi if u want)

Lmao I don't hate him Bby..he can just be a bit dramatic sometimes...that's all 🙆‍♀️

Prompts: (I did a bit of alterations in it so excuse me)

“I want to dance through an army of fireflies with you.” (Prompt 8)

“My hand was made to fit into yours. That’s all there is to it.” (Prompt 17)

So Y/N is your name

~ ~ ~ means change of scenario.

✓ ✓ ✓ means the end.

So...ahem...this went a bit more than I intended it to go...I swore I would just write drabbles but I guess old habits die hard? So this is it? I hope you like it Dia! 💕😅 (oh new nickname alert)

This song is beautiful and sorta inspired me! 💕

- - -

Y/N and Joel were friends ever since they were little kids...They had met when Joel had gotten lost wandering around in a series of pet shops staring at pets (especially various dog breeds and puppies). When his senses had hit him..he understood he had gotten lost..he began to feel nervous and uneasy and let out childish sobs as he began to run around looking for his mother.

He barely paid attention to anything around him as he only focused in searching for his mother that which eventually ends up with him bumping onto someone.

"Ouch! Why can't you watch where the hell they are going?!" A voice speaks

Joel falls down as he looks at the person speaking...a little girl who held a husky in her arms on the floor angrily glaring at him

"I'm so sorry...I didn't..." He begins as he stares at the husky...

"It's fine...Just watch where you're going at least the- -" She begins

"Is that the Siberian Husky?" Joel asks interrupting her as he stands up

"I'm kind of offended that you interrupted me...But yes...yes it is.." She replies as she possessively holds her husky

"Can...Can I pet it?" He asks as he looks at the husky eagerly

"Well sure I guess..." She says as Joel begins petting the husky.

A few minutes later, the duo had already begun talking about...dogs things in general..

"Y/N! There you are!!" I was looking all over for you!" A voice speaks, tone concerned

"Oh..Mumma..I was just on my way back but then this boy bumped into me and apparently loves Zachary a bit too much.." She says as she points at Joel

And that's when our oblivious little Joel realizes that he was lost and was supposedly supposed to find his mother..not stand here fanboying over a husky.

His eyes widen as he looks around, searching for his mother a.k.a his official/ main intention...Panic strikes his system as he realizes he was obviously potentially lost..

"Are you okay Joel?" Y/N asks

"I'm LOST!" Joel replies as he looks at her letting out childish sobs

"Oh god...Mumma...Help him!" Y/N says

"Listen lil boy...we'll find your mother...do you like know her number or anything.." Y/N mother asks

"Yes..." He replies as he tells her the number letting out soft sobs

The husky jumps onto Joel's arms as it began licking his face. Joel stopped crying slowly as he began smiling a bit.

"Oh my god...He is just so adorable..." Joel says as he pets the husky

"Yeah...he seemingly likes you..strange..he's not pretty comfortable with strangers.." Y/N comments

Soon Joel's mother comes in, her eyes scanning around, her eyes instantly gleaming with happiness as she finds Joel.

"Joel!!!" She says as she runs over and hugs him, Zachary jumping out of Joel's arms onto the ground.

"Mumma!!" Joel yells as he hugs her, sobbing quietly

Y/N stepped away a bit letting them have their moment.

"Thank you for finding him! He's always roaming around..pet stores...or just everywhere in general...I'm so sorry for his careless actions...and all the inconveniences he has caused you..." Joel's mother apologizes

"Oh not at all...He wasn't a bother at all.." Y/N's mother reassures

"Joel...at least next time don't go around without telling your mum! If you want a pet come over to my place...We can play with Zachary together..." Y/N says as she smiles at him, holding her mother's hand

"Okay..I will." Joel says smiling at her as he pets Zachary one last time...

"Bye Joel! See you...well...soon?" She says as she walks off..

That was how it all began...After that, one day he had turned up at her place surprisingly...They were next door neighbours...And eventually they spent a lot of time together..which lead to their everlasting friendship which began at the age of 6..

~ ~ ~

"Joel...when am I going to see you again?" Y/N asks as she lazily sat on his bed whilst she helped him with her luggage.

"Around 9 months...I'll be back soon.." Joel says as he puts in another shirt

"Oh come on...that's technically the entire year!" Y/N comments as she rolls her eyes

"I swear I would have taken you if it wasn't for your Fashion Designing Course..If that had been completed..then you could have joined.." Joel says as he stuffs in something else

"Yeah yeah..it's important right...I'm going to miss you Jo..." She says as she looks at him

"Me too..I wish there was something I could do.." Joel says as he walks over towards her.

"Just promise that you'll facetime me before all your performances..and just text me once at least every day...send me those lame audios of yours...I don't care.." Y/N says as she holds his hand...

He was still here...not gone..why did he have to leave?

"Hey...I'll text you and call you everyday.. You're my best friend...If I wouldn't call you.. who else would I?" He asks as he holds her hand and hugs her

~ ~ ~

"Wow! That was a spectacular show right boys?" Joel asks obviously excited as he walked behind the stage...

"Yes..exhausted but overwhelming..." Richard replies as they walk into the room backstage

Zabdiel immediately falls onto the couch, Erick cools off, Chris begins to fix his hair

"God..Why hasn't Y/N even seen my message! She didn't even facetime me today or even call me! Isn't that just mean?!?" Joel comments as he slumps onto the couch

"Yes...call her mean and every other negative word you could think of Ho-eL! She brought her arse from miles away, sat on a 13 hour flight just so she could surprise her best friend and yet you call her that?" A voice speaks from behind him

"Wait...a minute..." Joel trails as he instantly turns behind and sees Y/N

"Y/N- - !!!!" His tone surprised and shocked as he leaps off the couch and hugs her, a few years falling through his cheeks in the rush of excitement.

"Curls!!" She yells as she hugs him.

They hug on forever none of them every wanting to let go...Until an intentional cough from the guys pulls them away

"Ah...err...Guys! Meet my bestie Y/N!" Joel says as he grabs her hand heading towards the boys

"We talked Curls...I talked to everyone and they all helped me hide...You guys were amazing...The performance was just fantastic!" She comments as the boys yell out a chorus of thanks

"Okay so everyone except me knew that you were here?" Joel asks

"Duh curls...I couldn't sneak into backstage without their help..." Y/N says referring to the boys.

Joel grabbed her arm and pulled her into an empty room and pulls her into a hug again

"I'm so glad to have you here...Thank you for the support.." Joel says

"Wow wow...I never knew I'd see a sweet side of you Joel..." Y/N remarks

"Shut up and just hug me..." Joel says rolling his eyes

She returns the gesture as they kept hugging, an odd source of comfort filling both their veins.

~ ~ ~

"Joel...this is beautiful..." Y/N comments as she looks around the woods.

It was a small forest sort of place filled with thick green trees and a small river which gleamed with reflections of the littered stars that laid scattered in the skies.

"I know right..." Joel says as he looks at the river and at her..

They spent a lot of time making jokes and just talking about life...he had just returned from tour a few days before and thought he ought to spend some quality time with his best....friend...

He almost sighed at his own thoughts..he had begun to have feelings for her...but he didn't want to let them interplay..he didn't want to lose her...he needed her as a friend at least in his life..his feelings didn't have any part in this...but he couldn't help but wonder everytime she smiled..was she thinking about him? Did she think of him..as something more than a friend?

"Joel..Joel...HOEL!" Y/N yells.

Joel's eyes widen in shock as he falls off the log he sat on because of how loud she yelled and how distracted he was..

"Oh god...you are so clumsy sometimes Curls! Wait..actually all the damn time!" She says as she holds out her hand, Joel gratefully accepting her extended hand as she pulls him up.

"Look at that Y/N..My hand was made to fit into yours..” Joel comments as he sits up

Y/N face floods with a tint of pink as she nervously laughs it off..but never lets go off his hand..

"Of course you dummy...We are besties so god made sure it would work that way.." She replies uneasily

"Y/N I want to tell you something.." He says interrupting her from speaking further

An awkward moment of painful silence fills the air...

"What is it Joel?" She asks nervously

"It's.. it's..." Joel begins but his anxiety kicks in.

"If you don't tell her now...you'll never tell her or know if she felt the same.. you'll probably live in regret but you have to! " His inner voice encourages as he takes a deep breath

"I...I like you..." He breathes out

"I like you too Joel! You are my best fr- -" Y/N begins

"No Y/N...I like you more than a best friend.. you make me feel warm and mushy on the inside..I don't feel anything else around anyone else...You make me feel safe, happy. You understand me...We fight..but that's only because you care..but I like you in a different manner...You make me want to the cringy -est stuffs like taking couple pictures, share smoothies together, go on dates...and make me wanna dance with you in between an army of fireflies under the moonlight and what nots.. and to think that you make these cliché activities look normal...that's weird and definitely not something I feel one fine day.. I knew I always had these feelings..But I realized them...only recently...I understand if you don't feel the same..but just so you know I'll keep loving you..on and on..." He finishes off

"Who said I never had feelings for you Joel?" She asks "Every night... I'm just waiting and wondering if you have found someone that'll make you feel like that..Because why not? There are millions out there..prettier, hotter and just beautiful girls out there waiting for you so why would you choose me over them? Yeah... nothing.."

"Y/N I don't care...for you were..are the only girl I've had my eyes on...from the start.. today and forever..." Joel says as he holds both her palms. (I'm low-key swooning 🤧)

Before she could answer, Joel extends his free hand and pulls her up.

They walk over towards a place where the moonlight reflected brightly and the clear water flowing gently, causing small ripples as if it was singing a song.

"Well...can I have a dance with you?" Joel asks as he extends his hand out in a sorta gentleman style

Y/N nods softly as she takes his hand, his hand instantly softly interlocking with hers as she rests her free hand on his shoulder, his free hand holding a space above her waist securely..

As they began to softly dance in sync, an army of fireflies had encapsulated around them causing her to smile wide.

"Look Joel...True to your 'cliché' wishes..the fireflies are here..." Y/N jokes about it as Joel's face floods with a bright pink colour.

They enjoyed the overall aura, the silence suddenly turning comfortable...as they merely enjoyed each others' presence without any words being exchanged.

"So..Y/N..." Joel begins

"Hmm?" She asks as they continue dancing

"Will..will you be my girlfriend?" He asks nervously

Y/N stops dancing as she tries to catch Joel's gaze..but the boy would look at anyone or anything but her..

Y/N stood on her toes as she holds his face with both hands as she stares at his beautiful dark brown orbs, her eyes filled with nothing but love..that too only for him.

Joel looks at her nervously and before he could speak anything, she softly presses her lips against his. He instinctively bends down a bit to reach upto her height as his hands wrap around an area a bit above her waist.

She pulls away, Joel's arms still firmly fixated above her waist as he looks at her

"Did that answer your question Pimentel?" She asks, her tone filled with sassiness

"For real Y/N?" He asks in disbelief

"Yes Joel..For real...I promise you...I'll be there for you..." Y/N says as Joel smiles

"I love you Y/N.." He says

"I love you only..Joel Pimentel.." Y/N says as Joel pulls her in for another kiss.

✓ ✓ ✓

The Ending kinda sucked tbh...but anyways hehehe... I'll try to improve! 😅🙃

#joel pimentel #cnco #christopher velez #richard camacho #fluff #oneshot #zabdiel de jesus #erick colon #fiz's works

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mhalachai · 4 years

Text

Hands of Clay outtake: The one where Steve tells Sharon he’s moving in with Bucky

Ever need to do something fluffy when the world is on fire?

So in the upcoming chapter of Hands of Clay (which i am working on), Bucky asks Steve if he and Clint want to move in with Bucky and Natasha. Steve will say yes (that’s not a spoiler) but I needed to write this scene that Bucky won’t be privy to as point-of-view character…

~~~

Steve stared down at his phone. Of all the phone calls he’d had to make as part of the process of moving in with Bucky, for some reason, he was worried about this one the most.

And it wasn’t even based on any real concern, just…

Steve didn’t know how he was going to tell Sharon that he and Clint were moving into Bucky’s house.

It wasn’t like Sharon would be able to object. Steve had full custody of Clint, and was legally responsible for making all the decisions on behalf of their son. Bucky and Sharon seemed to get along.

And Clint was so happy, at the idea of going to live with his best friend. How could Sharon object to anything that made Clint happy?

And at the end of the day, Steve and Sharon had never really been in love with each other. They’d had a kid and lived together, had been friends, with certain benefits that had continued until Sharon left the city for work, but they’d never been a real couple.

So why was Steve so nervous?

“Boss.” Steve looked up to find Billy poking his head through the door. “Meeting’s been pushed back ten minutes, Noh-Varr’s dealing with the printer.”

“Okay.” Steve waited until Billy withdrew, before tapping on his phone screen. He had committed to the call with Sharon, now. No backing out.

She answered on the fourth ring. “Steve?” she said in greeting, her voice a bit sharp. “Is Clint okay?”

“Of course!” Steve exclaimed, wanting to kick himself. He should have texted Sharon first, to ask if she could talk. That had always been one of her things, that she might be busy with a real estate client and might not be able to talk whenever Steve called her. “Clint’s fine. He’s at school.”

“Okay.” The tension slid out of Sharon’s voice. “Sorry. Just… you never call me.”

“I know.” Steve took a deep breath, and plunged ahead. “You remember Bucky.”

A moment of dead silence. Then, “Yes, Steve. I remember James Barnes, your boyfriend.”

That was one of the other things Steve remembered about Sharon. They had such different communications styles, sometimes he wasn’t sure if she was mad or just amused. He decided to stop trying to figure her out. He was probably six years too late, anyway. “You know his daughter was sick—”

“Is she okay?” Sharon jumped in. “Clint said on the weekend that she was all better.”

“She’s on the mend,” Steve said, hedging a bit. Natasha was a ways away from a full recovery, but every day was a better day. “But you know, sometimes something happens and you have a chance to take stock of your life, and the people you love, and what you want out of life.”

Another moment of silence, then Sharon breathed, “Oh my god, did you two elope?

“What?” Steve squeaked. “No!”

“Oh,” Sharon said in what sounded like disappointment. Steve did not understand that woman. “Okay, then what?”

“Bucky asked me to move in with him, and I said yes.” Steve’s heart was pounding. He wanted Sharon to be okay with this. He needed Sharon to be okay with this. “We’re not going to wait too long, his place is closer to Clint’s school and we’re over there half nights anyway—”

“Hang on,” Sharon interrupted with urgency. Steve’s heart sank. She sounded mad again. “Steve Grant Rogers, have you gone and given notice on the apartment?”

Steve was getting whiplash from this conversation. “What?”

“Have you given notice on the apartment yet?” Sharon repeated. “Please tell me you didn’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because my name is on that agreement!” Sharon exclaimed. “Do you know how much money I’m paying for a studio in Manhattan?”

“Uh?”

“Three times what you’re paying for that one-bedroom!”

“So you don’t care that I’m moving in with Bucky?” Steve asked before his brain engaged.

“You’re already practically living with Bucky,” Sharon said. “Him and Natasha, that’s all Clint ever talks about when he’s over. If you’re happy, and Clint’s happy, then I’m happy. As long as you haven’t given notice on the apartment.” This last was said with ice in her voice.

“I haven’t given notice, Sharon, geeze.”

“Thank fucking god.”

“But you work in Manhattan, why would you want to spend that long on the train?”

“Three times the rent!” Sharon said again. “Okay. I’ll take over the apartment on the day you move out. When is that?”

“I was thinking the first of November.”

“That’s over a month away.”

“Yeah, well, I thought I was going to have to give a month’s notice.”

“You can leave some of the furniture if you want,” Sharon mused. “We’ll figure out how much of Clint’s stuff stays and how much goes over to the new place so he’s comfortable. Oh, and I can finally get rid of that horrible sofa.”

“What about the mattress?” Steve said, a little sarcastically. Sharon was taking to this idea with more enthusiasm than he thought necessary.

“Ew, no, I’m not sleeping on my ex’s mattress.”

Steve buried his head in his hands. “Sharon.”

“You want to come over and sleep on my bed?” There was the sound of typing in the background. “I’m travelling in October, but I’ll send you an itinerary of when we can exchange keys and move your stuff out.”

“Technically it’s still my apartment,” Steve complained.

“Technically, it’s our apartment. We both signed the lease.” The typing stopped. “Does Clint know you’re moving?”

“We talked about it yesterday,” Steve said. “He’s happy but a little nervous.”

“Then it’s good for him that he can always come over to visit his mother and sleep in his old bedroom,” Sharon said. “This is fantastic.”

Steve was pretty sure her mind wasn’t primarily on her son’s well-being, but having also lived the ups and considerable downs of the New York rental market, he couldn’t really blame her. “Good, glad you’re okay with this.”

“Fantastic,” Sharon said again. “Okay, tell Clint that everything is all going to be okay. I have a meeting I have to get to.”

“Bye, Sharon,” Steve said with resignation, and sat back in his chair as his ex hung up on him.

Billy hovered in the doorway. “So, meeting? The printer’s fixed.”

“Right.” Steve stood up. “Billy, do you understand women?”

Steve’s junior event manager gave his boss a disappointed glare. “You mean the fully autonomous human beings that inhabit the world around us?”

“Fine.” Steve picked up his laptop. “Do you understand your exes?”

“Oh.” Billy’s face cleared. “Not really.”

“Same.” Steve opened his phone to his texts. “Go, I’ll be there in a minute.”

As Billy cleared off, Steve texted Bucky with, Sharon is over the moon about us moving in together.

The immediate response of ?????? was a balm to Steve’s ego.

She’s moving back into the apartment to pay a third the rent of her place in manhatten.

new yrk rents suck

I know but it’s weird

did u want her to be mad

No, of course not.

good bc your a better man than tht

shut up, jerk

punk

love you

[middle finger emoji] [heart emoji]

With a smile and a lightened heart, Steve went off to his meeting.

Everything was going to be okay.

#hands of clay #outtakes #when the world is horrible #i write fanfic about rental prices #my writing #i'll put this up on ao3 at some point

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we-are-inevitable · 4 years

Text

love and it’s decisive pain

Prompt: "Could you make a modern spin where javid is established but they are hiding it at first. And David’s parents find them and tease them cause they knew already?" (i had to repost this and can’t remember who sent this ask, but thank you!)

Rating: M (for good measure)

Warnings: Mentions of violence and homophobia (to third party, unnamed characters), vague NSFW concepts, coming out anxiety. feel free to message me if i need to put any other trigger warnings, and i will gladly do so!

Word Count: 2,364

Read on AO3! Fic under the cut.

The decision to never come out was something that David had made peace with long ago.

He had been fourteen when he made the vow. Fourteen and vulnerable. Naive. At first, he had wanted to come out. He had known something was different about him, since the first time he heard Sarah talk about a boy she liked, and realized that what she was describing- what she felt for a guy in her class- was the same way that he felt about guys, too. At the time, he had been twelve, just now starting to realize that liking guys was even an option- and apparently, it was the only option that he saw fit for himself.

At age twelve, David realized he liked men.

At age thirteen, David realized he liked only men.

At fourteen, David realized he was in love with his best friend who had just moved to the school.

David had thought about the possibility of bringing it up to his parents, but he had never found the right time, never found the right way to say it. He had even considered trying to tell Sarah first, or maybe even Les, but he figured that Les was too young and Sarah just wouldn’t understand that her baby brother was anything other than straight. Nonetheless, David had made… a plan, per se, of just how he was going to do it. He had written it out and everything- he was going to wait until he left for school one day, maybe kiss his Ma on the forehead and give his Dad a goodbye hug. Then, he was going to walk to the door, yell, “Hey, I’m gay!”, and take off like a shot down the flight of stairs in their apartment building.

It was a plan. He never claimed it was good.

But that was before he saw just what could happen if he did. He saw a news report, of a couple being attacked on the subway for daring to be brave enough to hold hands in public. He remembered seeing the pictures on the TV, seeing the bruises and the bloody noses, and that struck enough fear into his heart that he had resigned himself to being alone. He would lurk in the shadows. Give his unconditional love and support to others. He would be the best damn ally he could be, but after seeing the pain, the heartbreak, the fear in the faces of the men on the TV that night, he knew his choice was the right one. He wouldn’t be able to survive if something like that happened to him.

He had successfully made it three years without anyone knowing the biggest secret of his life. Not even his closest friends knew, even though most of them were in the community themselves. It wasn’t as though he didn’t trust them- no, no, he trusted each of them with his life. Crutchie, Race, Albert, and Elmer, along with many others, had already told him that they would take care of him if anything ever happened. It had been joking, but David didn’t doubt their loyalty for a minute.

But then there was Jack.

Jack, the guy that David had been crushing on for three years.

Jack, the guy who had the most intense stare, most beautiful smile, most effective puppy dog eyes, most lovely laugh and talent and, God, David could listen to him talk, listen to his accent, for hours on end.

It was Jack that had caused his crisis, who had been the guy behind the story, the guy he wanted to come out for. He remembered the night that Jack told him he was bi, a conversation that had happened at four in the morning one summer night when they were both sixteen. Oh, how Davey longed to tell Jack then. How he longed to lean over, gently cup his cheek and kiss the worries and insecurities out of him.

Instead, he had just reassured Jack that he didn’t care, that he would always be safe with him, and that he was always there if Jack needed to talk.

They had been in a similar situation about a year later. Another late night, safe on Jack’s fire escape, where they had been for hours watching the sunset and idly talking about the people that passed on the streets below. Jack had kitted it out with everything- some christmas lights wrapped around the railings, two thick blankets laid out on the floor and an old-fashioned radio playing some music behind them. In a way, that fire escape felt more like home than any other place on earth.

It was everything that David had ever dreamed of.

They had gotten pretty silent, but it was a comfortable drop in conversation as they both watched the bustling streets of New York. It was Jack who broke it eventually, taking in a deep breath as he looked down. “‘Ey, Dave?” “Yeah, Jackie?” David asked softly, pushing himself up from his back. He stopped about halfway, kicking his long legs out in front of him, braced on his palms.

“You… You know how I told ya, that I’m into dudes?” Jack approached the subject carefully. Davey gulped. His mind immediately went somewhere bad- that Jack had a boyfriend, that Jack had found out that he really only liked women, that Jack had been... hurt. “Well, I-... There’s a guy,” Jack started, and Davey could see him tapping a familiar rhythm onto his knee. Jack did that when he was anxious. “And, well- I like ‘im. A lot. But… But I dunno if he’s into guys, and even if he is, I don’t think I’m the kind’a fella he would like--”

“Are you kidding?”

“Huh?”

“Jack,” David said with a sad grin, furrowing a brow. “Any guy would have to be crazy not to like you back. I mean, have you seen yourself? You’re hot,” David said with a soft laugh, gently nudging Jack’s shoulder with a fist. “Plus, you’re talented. You’re crazy good at art, you can sing and play guitar, you’re wicked smart. Unless a guy just wasn’t into smartasses, I don’t get why anyone wouldn’t be into you,” David joked softly, but every word was the truth. He didn’t understand why Jack was so insecure, why he was so self deprecating, but he knew it had been something he had struggled with for a long time.

“...For sure?” Jack asked, his voice smaller than David had ever heard it. “Jackie, I wouldn’t lie to ya,” He said with a grin. “Everything I said is true, y’know. You’re an amazing man, any guy would be lucky to--”

David was cut off with hands fisting his shirt and dragging him into a kiss.

Time stopped for a moment.

David could feel his eye’s widening, could feel his heart pounding, mind racing a mile a minute. He must have froze, because suddenly, all too suddenly, Jack was pulling away with a flushed face and a look of terror in his eyes. “Fuck, Dave, I’m so sorry, I didn’t--” He cut himself off with a deep breath, immediately turning away from David to face the New York skyline yet again.

David took in a shuddering breath a few moments later. “...Jack, you idiot,” He muttered, and Jack winced, turning to apologize yet again, until Davey pulled him in for another kiss. This time, he was in control. The kiss was soft, hesitant at first, until the both of them got confident enough to take it to the next level.

David had his arms wrapped around Jack’s waist, the angle a bit awkward, until Jack had fixed it by moving to sit in David’s lap. That was when it hit David that this was real. He was kissing Jack Kelly, and Jack Kelly was kissing back.

After that night, they kept things lowkey. David still wasn’t ready to come out to the guys, which Jack understood wholeheartedly. Their relationship may have been a secret, but it didn’t mean tht they didn’t like it. No, sneaking around was fun. Making out in the school bathroom, going on dates disguised as hangouts, even being there for each other on their eighteenth birthdays was something so much more magical than anyone knew.

They lived in that bubble of safety until they finally told the guys the night after their high school graduation. They had been together for close to a year that night, and it just felt right. All of them were together, hanging out in the park and discussing the crazy graduation parties that had happened the night before. Something must have lit a fire in David, because Jack made eye contact with him as Race was telling a story, and David kissed him in front of everyone else. They had to fess up- after Race finished his agonizingly long story, of course- but David had never felt happier.

That next week, David was riding the high of finally making it. He had a boyfriend, he was officially moving on to college in the fall, and he was finally, finally safe and accepted.

Until that next Friday came along.

David had thought that they had the apartment to themselves. Jack had even climbed through the window for good measure, but David knew that his parents were going on a weekend getaway in Boston, and Les would be at a friend’s house until Sunday, so he didn’t think to lock the door.

It started out as cuddling and watching some old western movie that Jack had fallen in love with, before cuddling turned to kissing, and kissing turned to David pressing Jack down against the bed as he nipped and sucked dark marks onto the tan skin of Jack’s neck. Jack was a blushing mess, murmuring soft pleas as his hands carded through Davey’s dark hair. “Davey, baby, come on, stop teasin’,” Jack muttered pitifully, eyes shutting, before they suddenly flew wide open at the sound of David’s bedroom door opening. “David, we just came back because your father forgot his wallet, and-- Oh, my good Lord!”

The door was shut just as fast as it had opened, and David was so thankful that they were still clothed, until he realized what had just happened.

He could feel himself visibly paling as he launched away from Jack, hurrying to stand up. “Oh, fuck, oh, fuck--”

“Babe, babe, calm down, it’s--”

Jack didn’t have time to say another word before David was already out the door and down the hall.

“Ma!” David said quickly, chest heaving as he came to a standstill in the living room. He was red faced in shame, and could already feel the tears welling in his eyes. “Ma, it- it’s not what it looks like!” He rushed out, gulping when he heard footsteps behind him. He turned and saw Jack, looking just as scared as he did, as he desperately buttoned his flannel to try to cover the marks. “We-- I didn’t-- I thought- Ma, I’m not--” “David.”

David went silent, staring at the floor with wide eyes, refusing to meet his mother's gaze. He vaguely registered his father coming into the room, who stopped mid sentence when he saw Jack and his son.

David could feel his world crumbling, but then he felt Jack’s hand gently grab his, ever so slightly intertwining their fingers. He glanced over at Jack with wide eyes, who looked at him and gave a gentle nod, taking a deep breath.

Slowly, David looked back up, gulping. “...Mama, Dad, Jack and I--” “We know, dear.”

“You-- You know?”

David finally took a good look at them. His father was standing behind his mother, a strong hand on her shoulder, but they didn’t look… angry. Or upset. Instead, they were smiling at him. “David, hunny, we’ve known for years. We… found a note that you had written- something or another, of how you wanted to tell us. At- At first, we were… shocked. We didn’t really know what to do, so we decided to wait it out until you told us yourself, we just didn’t expect it to take four years,” Esther added with a gentle laugh.

“It didn’t shock us to find out you were with Jack, either,” Mayer noted, glancing between the two boys. “Jack, you spend an awful lot of time at our house, more than any of the other boys. As long as you don’t intend on hurting our son, you’re part of this family, too.”

That was David’s breaking point.

He couldn’t hold in the sob that rose up from his chest, and though the Jacobs family had never been the most physically affectionate, David found himself running across the room. He pulled his mother into a tight hug, crying softly into her shoulder, and he took in a deep, shuddering breath as she rubbed his back. He pulled away and wiped his eyes, only to be pulled into another hug by Mayer, which was a shocking moment in itself.

One of them must have gestured to Jack to come closer, too, because when David looked over, Esther had him wrapped into a tight hug. David stepped away, and watched with a fond smile as Jack shook his father's hand.

Things seemed to calm down after that, though David still had watery eyes, but he couldn’t help the immense joy that flooded his chest. He gulped and wrapped an arm around Jack’s waist, who in turn began rubbing his back.

“Like I said,” Mayer spoke firmly, “take good care of our boy. Now, we have a reservation at the hotel to meet by midnight, so we should get going,” He said, looking down at Esther, who nodded.

They said their last goodbyes, but just as the door closed, it opened again. Esther poked her head in and grinned. “One more thing- use protection!” She said quickly, before the door shut with a final click.

David would have been mortified, if not for the bright laughter that bubbled out from the boy beside him.

Yeah, this was a happiness he could get used to, he thought as he pulled Jack in for another kiss.

#javid #javey #davey jacobs #david jacobs #esther jacobs #mayer jacobs #sarah jacobs #les jacobs #newsies #newsies musical #jac writes #ask a jac !

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