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sunshades · 5 months

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grief in the city, or "how many days off will i get when my lover dies of consumption next march"

Expanding from this post (@puffles HI) or mostly just trying to write it out in a readable fashion. (lor spoilers ahead yeehaw 📚)

Just been thinking. Death in the pmverse city. It's not something you're really allowed to get personal with. But some people just can't help it.

In lobocorp we get a look at what it's like from the inside of a corporation, and like yeah the entire story is about it, but to me Yesod's parts more than anyone else's showcase this feeling.

(Yesod core suppression dialogue)

The question of detachment comes up pretty often, and he points out Malkuth's as the ideal behavior to cope with it- forgetting you're dealing with humans as much as you can. Through his arc in lobocorp he struggles with it, this idea that it can all be fine if he stops thinking of the others as having a face, a name, and most importantly (for him) a body. Of course a strategy like that stops working as soon as one remembers, as one gets closer. That is one of the main themes of lor.

We're introduced to Xiao midway through the game, and her story unfolds as we start to learn about Roland's. The way she describes herself is similar to how A talks about Yesod, though Xiao doesn't feel special for it. The softness of her (at the time) coworker Lowell confounds her.

(Xiao's key page)

Then the invitation reaches her, and therefore the news of Lowell's death, and this changes. Her reaction is intense, she describes it vividly. And it feels... kind of natural considering the martial culture of her workplace? Specifically for an Association whose mechanics literally run off emotion levels.

(Liu S1 reception)

But we immediately see that no, to everyone else this seems like an overreaction to losing a partner. We see it from Chun's reaction, then Angela's, who suggests she simply finds a substitute for Lowell, and Roland himself is surprised by it: he muses about the Light influencing the people of the City: this is such a strange thing it gets compared to the goddamn Distortion! When we take a look at Lowell's own book it seems to confirm that out of the two he's always been the one with the more unconventional mindset.

(Lowell's key page)

It's not groundbreaking to say one should care about their partner, but it feels like in the City this isn't really the case? It feels like having someone you cherish becomes something of a nuisance as it can interfere with a Fixer's ability to... well, work. Roland, though affected for obvious reasons, tells Angela about it briefly enough, and it seems it's not particularly noteworthy, having romantic entanglements but also losing them pretty quickly. It's something that happens, that you're supposed to deal with easily enough, and go back to work.

(Liu S2 second reception)

Instead Xiao's feelings lead her to do the direct opposite; it's noteworthy that before her reception she resigns from the Association, and immediately justifies herself to her subordinates by letting them know this shouldn't affect their careers. It's worth noting that Roland's story is marked by a similar situation, once he's exposed in his revenge quest, he loses his Color title as well as his Fixer grade. In both situations we find that the question of how to deal with Survival (being a survivor to the person you love) can't escape from the problem of Survival (how to make a living). The death of another puts you in actual danger if you actually care about them.

In light of this, Lowell's hopes and promises for Xiao read differently. His apparent softness and sensitivity reveals itself as something he can handle very rationally; aware of how deeply their feelings run, he asks her to vow to always watch over herself.

(Liu S1 reception)

Instead Xiao, and we later learn about Roland, embrace the horror of what's happened to them, and show us what it's like to go into the deep end of this grief; it's a deviation from what we might consider normal or #HEALTHY, but it's also a display of feeling that usually people of the City just... don't allow themselves to have. I don't wanna ramble about this too long, but since limbus vaguely uses the Divine Comedy as a source, in Dante terms I would say: while Xiao and Roland commit sins of excess of love, letting their anger over their loved ones take them over, the people of the City in general commit the sin of sloth, "laziness of the heart", it's people who refuse to let any kind of attachment in their heart, because it's simply easier not to deal with them. Roland's arc touches on it quite often.

(Natural Sciences realization)

Though Roland does eventually turn out to be, well. A big deal, a lot of his behavior in the library is supposed to show him as a kind of everyman of the City. In moments where he talks like this, he's expressing what it actually feels like for most people to live in there. This heavily contrasts with Xiao's own beliefs, the ones she develops through her love, and that leads to her EGO manifestation.

(Liu S1 reception)

By the end we also know that the truth is Roland's own mindset isn't quite the one he tries to preach ("that's that and this is this"), but the grief over the loss of Angelica, and more generally the pain for the life he's always had, still weighs so heavy on him he isn't able to just start again- he doesn't want to! As the stories goes on and he faces the horrors of the City together with Angela, even this facade of "sloth" fades away, and his actual feelings start to show, the love and the anger and all of the grief- he starts to resonate with the abnos as Angela did, a similar experience to distorting.

While Roland has a lot of interesting dialogue, it'd take a whole other post to talk about it (I'm sure someone smarter has done it already) so for the purposes of this and to keep on topic I only wanna talk about a little bit that Xiao doesn't touch on, and that feels relevant with the perspective of canto VI.

(Black Silence "soulmates" reception)

In one of the darkest moments, we get a (can I say it now?) ⛈ HEARTBREAKING ⛈ confession straight from the inside of Roland's mind, the fear that in choosing to move on he'll have abandoned Angelica and all they meant for each other. The "pair of linked souls" is tied on a mechanical level, to beat them you need to disrupt their soul link, a buff they give each other that makes them basically unbeatable- they keep each other alive. Roland's fear, after years of Fixer work, after seeing how little value a person's life has in the eyes of the City, is this: that the second he looks away from Angelica's death and his attempt to avenge it, he'll have forsaken her forever, that their love and life together will lose its meaning.

Only with the help of the librarians and particularly Angela he's able to accept that's not the case, and in the final reception he once again wields her name and her gloves, carrying on her legacy and memory for the sake of the future and the new people he wants to protect.

Finally, I wanna show an incredibly interesting piece of dialogue from Leviathan, between Vergilius and Carmen.

(Leviathan chapter 18, translation by @/SnakeskinFS on twitter)

Now, Carmen's take on love is... something. Love as she means it is what we know to bring to Distortion, but it is interesting that the actual implication in the world she draws up is what the people of the City need back is contact with one another, understanding. It's also interesting Vergilius calls it a word he's unaccustomed to. Obviously here it doesn't apply strictly to romantic love, but this does check out with how little we get to see City residents... well, loving each other.

Xiao for Lowell, Roland for Angelica, as well as honestly Carmen for herself, her vision for the future, stand out in crowds of cordial coworkers and friends of circumstances, for the strength of their feelings, love in its danger and beauty. The paths they end up following are messy, some very bloody, and done in remembrance of the people they valued above all else. It's the theme of love that entwines so closely with that of death, the question of what you do when you're the one surviving and left behind.

So here's where I think of canto VI- WH is so heavily defined by grief. This is partially tied to its literary influences, partially to the author's own experience, but the story is scarred by the various funerals, each of which changes someone's life, mostly for the worse.

Is this malicious? A little. A little... not? Like in the City, the feeling is that the dead, the memory of them, follow because they love the living. When we get to Cathy's death, she and Heathcliff curse each other back and forth before making peace again, but in the end more than their harshness, what hits the most is the connection, the yearning to be reunited- "I care nothing of your sufferings" is soon followed by "I'm not wishing you greater torment than I have", which leads into the Heartbreaking speech, that we already know will be very relevant in the canto, in which Heathcliff takes her pain as his.

NOW I see readings/speculation around that this will be portrayed as lcb Cathy trying to tie Heathcliff to his past forever/them needing to Kill Her, and metaphorically his affection for her in order for him to move on and become his own person, to which I say: meh? I think that misses part of the point, makes her out to be a plot device instead of a character that, like him, has grown in an awful abusive household, and laments in her deathbed that she wishes things had been different, and that the person she loves could stay with her longer, after circumstances beyond their control have forced them apart.

By the end of it, though we know that in the book it doesn't really turn out like she'd like, Cathy claims she'd rather him remember her words, and her, as harsh and cruel than nurse anger while he lives on, she hates the thought that he should suffer more when she's gone, because she, too, feels his suffering as hers.

To me this last wish she expresses is most reminiscent of what we see of Lowell's request to Xiao, the way it's not fulfilled until the last minute. Xiao doesn't listen and she goes on, fully aware she's betraying the trust he put in her, and that she might be the next to die. Because of this betrayal, her feelings, this excess of love threatens to have the best of her, to make her forget about Lowell and focus only on herself and her anger- the "love of the self" that is the Distortion. Her final reception has her talking back to Carmen's proposal and worldview, detailing the way her bond with Lowell, but also Miris, Chun and all of her men, have been keeping her strong to this point.

(Xiao reception)

With the awareness her lover is dead and gone, she manages to work through her feelings and gain strength from them, deciding that these bonds, and her memory will keep all of them alive through each other.

SO am I saying this is totally happening to Heathcliff in canto VI. I mean, nah, not necessarily. But considering the similarities he shares with these other stories, and how we've already seen these examples of the theme of grief over a loved one being handled before in the previous games and resulting in these genuinely amazing characters, it's something I think about.

As we're talking about a game adaptation that obviously can't adapt 20 more years of story (and let's be real, shouldn't either. If you want to read WH you can just read WH,) I think that would be a reasonable way for the canto to play out: getting to see one of the sinners genuinely lose it over someone's death in a way none of the others really did, explicitly showing the uniqueness of such intense affection in a place like the City, and then slowly beginning the road to recovery. Much like for Xiao and Roland, this being done not as a result of leaving the past behind, but as a direct result of their love for another, and that of their lover as well as everyone else who cherishes them (Miris, Angela and the librarians- I think we'll soon add the sinners to the list).

(post core suppression dialogue)

To quote another bit from our bestie Yesod, the hope that grows out of the rot, as the death of another, but as your own wounded self as well.

So to conclude. I think in general, in the context of how we've seen major characters work around their grief in previous games it'd make sense for canto VI to reach a similar conclusion, the death being something that weighs heavily, but doesn't obscure the possibility of a future. Still. Love as something dangerous that has extreme power over us, but as something that lives in us and can't be taken away.

#bell.txt #limbus company #library of ruina #project moon #edit ok all screenies are captioned now. how did i write so much #its like barely even speculation im just putting together some stuff that gets me thinking about the general Vibe. i love u the city #xiao roland and heathcliff talk. dead wife club (honorific)#btw Did You Know: if canto vi releases on white day that means part 2 will release right after cathys book accurate death day. LOLLL #lcb heathcliff #xiao lor #roland lor #canto vi #edit 2: VINDICAAAAATION

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neopronouns · 3 months

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Thanks for answering my ask, sorry again if I came off as ignorant, I genuinely cannot wrap my mind around not experiencing empathy or compassion. I still don’t really understand how someone could lack those things but I guess it doesn’t matter as long as they’re trying to be kind anyways. You brought up cluster b personality disorders in your answer and I had another question - those personality disorders are generally considered to make people ‘mean’ or ‘unpleasant’, is it ableist to dislike the traits associated with cluster b disorders? For ex, symptoms of npd are a sense of grandiosity and disregard for other people’s emotions - isn’t that something that needs to be fixed or treated with therapy? Or are people expected to just be chill with how they act? None of these questions come from a place of anger or discrimination, I’m just trying to better understand what is acceptable and not when dealing with disorders that affect the person’s behavior. Thanks again for answering my previous ask!

you aren't expected to just 'be chill' with how someone with a certain disorder acts, but you are expected to not be ableist about the way they act. cluster b personality disorders (and other disorders, but we'll focus on those for now) can make a person 'mean' or 'unpleasant', but it isn't their fault that they have a disorder (often caused by trauma) that makes them naturally act a certain way.

importantly, a personality disorder can't just be 'fixed' with therapy — no matter how much therapy one does, they will always have that personality disorder, they'll just be able to better manage their symptoms. also, the symptoms that make a person with a cluster b disorder 'unpleasant' don't just affect those around them, but affect the person with the disorder as well; having a personality disorder is an intense, debilitating experience.

as a narcissist myself (that is, i have npd) i do experience symptoms that are 'unpleasant' to others. my need for admiration and heightened self-importance have damaged relationships in the past. however, my disorder is much more difficult for me than for those who interact with me; for example, when i don't receive the admiration i need, my self-esteem drops to 0 and i experience depressive symptoms, high anxiety, and self-destructive behaviors. if i could change that about myself, i would, but therapy would only be able to give me better coping mechanisms, not 'fix' that aspect of my personality entirely. i'm very lucky to have friends who understand my symptoms and care about me enough to work with me to ensure we're all happy.

additionally, it's ableist to assume that all people with cluster b disorders will be unpleasant to be around or to insist that they should go to therapy to change their behavior for your benefit (using the general 'you' here). compare this to autism: it's ableist to, say, assume that all autistic people are annoying or to insist that autistic people stop experiencing symptoms (stimming, infodumping, not making eye contact, etc.) for the comfort of the allistics they interact with. people with cluster b disorders are just that, people; they need support and understanding just like anyone else, even if you find their symptoms unpalatable.

in general, here's what i recommend:

don't make negative blanket statements about a specific disorder (especially one that you don't have)

don't make negative blanket statements about a specific symptom (especially one you don't experience)

research things you don't understand (i especially recommend reading posts from people who have the disorder/symptom you're curious about along with information compiled by doctors and researchers)

compare the experiences of a person with another disorder to your own experiences (like my comparison to autism in the last paragraph above). if you'd think a specific statement towards your own disorder was ableist, it's almost certainly ableist towards other disorders

and, of course, listen to those with disorders and symptoms you don't have. if a ton of people with a specific disorder or symptom are saying that something is ableist and people without that disorder or symptom are insisting that it isn't ableist, you should probably listen to the people being affected by ableism, not the people perpetuating it.

#long post #discourse

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musical-chick-13 · 5 months

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Thoughts on toxic yuri?

One of my very favorite storytelling concepts, I love it when women make each other worse. <3

I do think it's important, for me anyway, to note the difference between a dynamic that's toxic in one direction versus something that is mutually toxic. The first one doesn't really interest me a whole lot, usually because it means one character suffers constantly without being allowed to do anything else--at the very least, it will come across as the more ""normal"" character not really being that into the relationship in question. I need BOTH parties to be unhinged.

The important thing for any fictional relationship (though we're specifying toxic yuri here, obviously) is that it's interesting. If there is no limit to what the women can do within a dynamic, then there are an infinite number of ways for that dynamic to go. And while you can learn a lot about a character through examining their values and positive qualities, you can learn just as much (if not more) by considering their flaws. And those flaws really come out in the case of toxic yuri; characters get to show the uglier parts of themselves in this context, which I am always a fan of. A fraught, complex relationship, when written well, can be a really great way to psychologically explore the characters: what inspires them to act this way? why do they think this behavior is acceptable? if they don't think it's acceptable, why do they keep doing it? what do they think about the concept of love as a whole? how far would they go for intimacy or to be understood? how do they view other people in general? and probably most importantly, what led to them developing the beliefs underlying their actions in the first place?

From a more "psychologically, why do people enjoy this" standpoint, mutual toxicity often goes hand in hand with extreme obsession, extreme jealousy, and a willingness to forgive a whole lot of horrible shit. Which, yeah, in real life you don't want to be in a relationship like that. But I think there's a lot of emotional resonance in exploring those feelings. The idea that someone will never leave you. That they think so intensely about you specifically that they'll break anything and anyone to stay with you. That even if you're the worst version of yourself, someone will still want you because that's still you. Someone knows exactly how to fuck you up because they genuinely understand you. Things in fiction that we would never want in real life can be incredibly interesting or even cathartic to witness from a distance. I think we all feel things that scare us sometimes (or even simply feel an innocuous emotion so intensely that it scares us), and looking at unpleasant feelings within fiction can help identify, parse out, process, and successfully cope with those feelings. And I think, at the end of it all, a lot of people want to matter to someone, in some way. It makes sense that some creators would take that concept-of meaning a great deal to another person, of affecting them deeply-to its absolute extreme through writing.

(And also, consider. That I am very gay. And that horrible women are very attractive.)

#good morning I am here to make my Thoughts™ everybody's problem :)#THANK YOU I LIKED THIS ONE A LOT #multi t(ASK)ing #also thank you for making 'yuri' pink that delighted me #me + messy wlw media <-this too is yuri #behold! a creation!#also re: mutual toxicity. I understand that this is quite a thing to claim to want when probably The™ wlw ship of all time for me is #mireille x silvana #but a) mireille is rather unhinged on her own outside of her relationship with silvana courtesy of being a highly cynical assassin #(and is herself not immune to doing some pretty intense shit for the sake of people she loves)#b) mireille is committed to KILLING silvana for said toxic behavior.#& also c) their rivalry is so DEEPLY personal that mireille is still obsessed with silvana even if it's for...not the same reason silvana #is obsessed with mireille. like the TYPE of obsession is different but the LEVEL of obsession is the same. if that makes any sense.#(also. some of the ways mireille acts suggest that hate might not be the ONLY thing she feels toward silvana. there's obvious homoerotic #tension on silvana's end but I think there's some on mireille's too. at the very least she seems to regret that silvana wasn't #the kind of person mireille originally thought she was. along with probably a sick sense of pseudo-respect)#mel screams about fictional ladies again #writing #fiction #toxic romance #(<-not really sure how else to tag this)

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ninapi · 1 year

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○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●

Save me (Oikawa Version)

Premise: After a turbulent relationship and over a year of therapy, Oikawa gets a chance to redeem himself.

Word count: 4896

Note: This isn’t an entire route, it’s just an alternate ending to Semi’s route, meaning you would need to read his route first to understand what’s going on (link here). So, this is a second version of chapter 6, basically. You choose who you want to end up with~ 🫣

Bonus Chapter: Alternate Good Ending

Oikawa Tōru was a complex human being.

He’s had many girls throughout his life, but only one actually meant something to him.

Being his first official girlfriend, all those years of young love and exploration of one-self dug deep into his own essence.

His journey was not an easy one, he had to deal with problems some of us don’t get to face until adulthood, from a very young age. Had feelings nobody should have. Awful, awful thoughts. His way of coping wasn’t the best and he ended up hurting that one person he held dear, the only one who truly needed his protection and love, the one who saw past all his charm and accepted him even with his many flaws. He ended up losing the only woman he had ever truly loved in his life.

And it was all his fault.

Back when he was in middle school and you two had been dating for a while, he was confident that he was in love with you, he couldn’t differentiate between true love and obsession. No one can blame him for that though, he was still young and inexperienced. He didn’t know better.

But when he realized he was indeed in love with you, very much so, you were already someone else’s girl.

Iwaizumi thought him realizing that would finally put an end to the vicious cycle he had with you, but it was the opposite.

Understanding his past was tough. He knew you were special to him and that’s why he felt threatened, he didn’t want to lose you the way he lost his shiny spot in the volleyball team, those two were the most precious to him at the time and he had already lost one to the same person. He was jealous, scared, he felt pathetic and developed and inferiority complex. He wanted to be seen as the best just as he was before, he was still handsome, still popular, still had his girl, so why did he feel so angry all the time back then?

Took years of loneliness and therapy to realize what he really needed.

He needed to work on himself, he needed to accept there will always be someone better. Understand that nothing lasts forever, and he can’t take people for granted. He needed to work hard if he ever wanted to completely get rid of all those ill feelings and insecurities.

But he wasn’t alone.

He had a loyal best friend who never left his side, no matter how often he said he hated his guts, he was always there for him whenever he needed him to be. Always there to support him silently, always there to slap him on the face with the ugly truth and embrace his weeping defeated self. He was blessed with a true friend, those aren’t easy to find, and he felt grateful for his existence, even if Iwaizumi didn’t appreciate the amount of affection he received back in appreciation.

But most importantly, he had you.

You were the reason he went to therapy to begin with. Without you pushing for his well-being, he would still be his old self, and nobody wishes to ever see that guy again, not even him.

Even if you had a boyfriend of your own, you never missed one of his therapy sessions. Once, he even had to carry you on his back all the way to your school since you had a very high fever but still decided he needed you there and stayed till the very end.

You never put yourself first, he wouldn’t exactly say that is a virtue, it causes great pain to you and those around you, but he was grateful for it. Thanks to your selflessness, he was who he was now. You helped him get his shit together more than once. You helped him grow; you helped him heal.

That’s when he fell for you for real.

That’s when he finally understood what love truly was.

It was hard for him to accept you weren’t his to take any longer. If he was being honest, he still wanted you by his side. Those moments you would hold his hand during a particularly hard session, those moments you would end up crying just because he was and you just couldn’t hold back your own tears, those moments you answered your phone no matter how late it was just because he was feeling lonely and wanted to hear your voice, those were the hardest. He knew he was at fault, but reality was awful especially when you can’t run away from it anymore.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

When he was deemed ready to end up his therapy sessions, he decided he wanted to travel the world, follow his hero and try to regain his life back, let his dreams become a reality.

He still wanted to go into professional volleyball, but even if he wasn’t escaping reality anymore, he was still running away.

He didn’t want to be constantly reminded of his past, he wanted to embrace his new self and follow his lost dream, heading to Argentina.

Iwaizumi and him still talk basically every day and you, well he still called you constantly. More messages than anything else, it was still hard on him to hear your voice or see your face, even after all these years, after all the women in his life, he still feels sad every time he thinks of you, of the future he could have had.

One night, after the longest practice ever, he called Iwaizumi, he was excited because he would be flying back to Japan with his team in just a few hours, finally the time to kick Kageyama and Ushijima on the face once and for all. But he wasn’t expecting to hear this when he dialed, “Shittykawa, is it because of (Y/N)? Is that why you’re coming back?” he was honestly confused, didn’t he know his team was playing against his own back home? “What do you mean, Iwa-chan? Did something happen to her?” the long sigh that left Iwaizumi’s lips was making him anxious, he screwed up, might as well just tell him, “Didn’t you hear she broke up with the Shiratorizawa setter? I thought that’s why you were so eager to come back.”

You what? Why haven’t you said anything? Is this why you were in a bad mood the other day? “What happened?” he was now sitting on the floor, biting one of his fingernails off, “Ugh, not sure. She just said they drifted apart. She wasn’t sad or anything. I guess it just happens when you are with someone for such a long time, especially since they were together since high school. We are all different people than we were before, it’s normal that interests change over time.”

It was probably normal, yes. But not for him. He was still in deep for you and just the thought of you not being bound to anyone anymore opened a window of hope in his heart that had been closed for the longest of times.

“I see. Well let’s go out the three of us when I get back. We can go get some beers or something. Cheer her up.” he was trying to sound composed even if his brain was going a thousand miles per hour. He needed to pack fancy outfits, maybe even get a haircut. He wanted to impress you, he should go shopping for souvenirs as early as possible before his flight. You would look the cutest with one of those “I ♡ Argentina” touristy shirts.

“You still there?” Oikawa lost track of time and didn’t realize his friend had stopped talking completely by then, knowing his friend wasn’t listening. “Yeah, sorry, got distracted. What did you say?”

“Just that I’ll text (Y/N), I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you, it’s been long since the three of us were together in the same room.” it was definitely better to let him do it, you never say no to him. “Yeah, please do. I’ll take you some of that expensive liquor you liked the last time.” not like he needed a bribe. Truth is, it hasn’t been long since his girlfriend left him for some other Olympic player, his stoic personality and work addiction wouldn’t let him keep a girl for long; he also craved a night out with his friends, people he knows care for him deeply and not for his achievements in the industry, “I’d like that, yeah. I’ll see you after the game then. I’d wish you luck, but you’re playing against my boys.” after some more bickering and a couple of good laughs, Oikawa packed an extra suitcase full of stuff, ready to embark on a journey he never expected he would be in again.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

“You’ve gotten better, Tōru.” the sound of your voice coming from behind, made his world spin. He knew you were there; he saw you on the bleachers. Thankfully you weren’t holding any sign, his heart wouldn’t be able to take it if he saw you with an Ushijima banner, or worse, a Kageyama one.

“(Y/N)….” he gave you the softest smile you’ve ever seen in his face, quickly gathering you in his arms, “I’ve missed you so much. How have you been?” the softness of your body pressing against his made his senses go wild, this was the first time he’s seen you as an adult in real life, have your curves fit perfectly against his heavy muscle, it was turning his insides into mush.

“Could be better. But seeing you and Iwaizumi-san is brightening my mood.” he smiled against your hair, giving you a gentle squeeze before letting you go. “It better be! Just wait until you see the suitcase full of stuff I brought for you.” chuckling you waved him off and he went into the locker room to get himself cleaned up and ready for your outing.

Iwaizumi had his car already waiting for him at the entrance of the gym and you were chilling on the backseat. He jumped in beside you, leaving Iwaizumi alone at the front, “Do you think I’m a taxi or something? Get your ass here right now.” you pushed him playfully, angry Iwaizumi was always your favorite, “Go Tōru. I’ll be fine.” but his pouty self was all over you, whining about how he hasn’t seen you in so, so long and he needed to recharge his (Y/N) battery which was pretty low by now.

“I fucking hate your soul.” He could say all he wanted, but he was happy to have his friend back, it’s been a long time since he heard both of your happy bickering, it made his chest feel warm and fuzzy thinking of days when life was simpler and full of emotions.

Iwaizumi chose a private high-end Izakaya for their outing, he wanted to let his heart drown in expensive alcohol while chatting with his childhood friends. You weren’t the biggest drinker there was but agreed on having a glass of wine with them for the sake of old times.

“He just wanna get you drunk, (Y/N). Men are wolves, never forget that.” you’ve never seen someone’s face get this red, could even rival tomato skin. “Iwaizumi-san, you’re the one that's drunk. How are we going to get you home? You’re the one driving and I don’t even know where you live now.” your cheeks where slightly pink too, not used to the alcohol in your blood stream, your breath was a bit ragged as well and it was becoming hard to even breathe for the man sitting beside you. He couldn’t let this evening to end this way. He needed more of you.

“Give me your keys, Iwa-chan. Let’s all stay in my hotel room tonight.” the idea got you chocking on your wine, “I’m fine, Tōru. I can take a taxi home; you take care of Iwaizumi-san.” Bending over the table, you pat Iwaizumi’s jacket looking for the keys of his car, giving Oikawa a view to remember. He’s never been anywhere near intimate with you, the closest you got to anything steamy were forceful kisses, nothing to be proud of, but damn, life has been good to you.

“Nonsense. I won’t be here for long; I want to spend more time with you. Besides, I gotta give you all the stuff I brought for you! C’mon, love.” petting your thigh in a tender way, he got up to take care of the bill and take you both to his fancy hotel.

Iwaizumi was heavy, to say the least.

Taking him into the car and then in the hotel was a complete mess. He threw up twice, all over his nice shirt and you ended up making him sleep in the bathtub instead of the bed, just in case.

“Wow, that’s what I call an intense night” chuckled Oikawa, plopping onto the sofa of the room, “Tell me about it, my hair smells like barf. Can I borrow one of your shirts? I would like to wash my hair off in your sink and change into something clean.” he had the brilliant idea of giving you the shirt he bought for you, he got it oversized on purpose, the thought of you sleeping in it was enough to make him lose sleep during his flight.

You laughed when you saw the shirt he ‘wholeheartedly’ got for you, going back into the bathroom and slipping out of your disgustingly dirty dress, washing your hair quickly after.

Toweling your hair dry, you went back out into the main room, as clean as someone can be in a night like that and sat beside Oikawa who was scrolling through his phone. “Wait- Did you just get yourself naked in the same bathroom Iwa-chan is in right now???? How can he see you naked before me? That makes no sense.” he was now clinging onto your arm, pouting like the spoiled baby he was. “He did not see me naked, Tōru. He is unconscious, remember?” managing to peal him off of you, you laughed at his silly behavior, is like he hasn’t changed at all, his fourteen-year-old self flooding your head with warm memories. “Having your eyes closed and being unconscious is very different, (Y/N)! What if he saw you?? I would have to kill him!” in the past, those words would have made you flee and take Iwaizumi with you, but you knew he was not a danger to any of you anymore, you trusted him now, he’s earned that trust over the years, he was just being silly as usual.

“So, are you going to kill everyone whose seen me naked? What about my doctor?” his loud gasp made you burst out laughing, he is still adorable. “Ok then let’s make a rule. From today on, nobody but me, or your doctor, can see you naked. Otherwise, I will gauge their eyes out.” he kept on pouting, crossing his arms on his chest to make a statement. He was expecting you to laugh once more, but you didn’t, “So you know, huh?” you were looking down, playing with your hands. He didn’t know how to mention it, but he wanted to know more, this was the best he could come up with. “Iwa-chan told me, yeah. Are you ok?” he reached over for one of your hands, rubbing it gently with his thumb. “Yeah, I’m ok. We just had different goals in life, you know? He had his life all planned out while I…I don’t even know what I want, I thought I did, but I noticed things weren’t what I expected them to be. I went to school and got a degree like I was supposed to, I got a good job, got promoted even…”

“But you weren’t happy?” you just nodded, laying your head on his shoulder. “How about you come with me to Argentina for a while? Traveling did wonders for me. It made me have a clear head and set up some goals. You can stay with me, don’t even need to think about money. And don’t worry, I’m not trying to take advantage of the situation here; I just think a change of scenery could do you some good. Food’s pretty delicious there too.” Were you going crazy now? That actually sounded like a lovely idea. Argentina wasn’t in your to-do list, but it was far enough for nobody to know who you were, for nobody to judge your life choices.

“Would that be ok, Tōru? Don’t you have a girl or something? I don’t want to cause you any troubles. I can figure things out on my own.” you looked up at him through your lashes and his heart skipped a few beats.

You were still his beloved princess in his eyes, you meant the world to him and he wanted you to know that. “Nope, the only girl in my life is fifty-eight-year-old Sonia that cleans my house once a week.” Hearing your laughter gave him butterflies. Is this what teenage girls feel when they have a crush? Or is this how an adult male feel when he’s in love? Not like it matters but he wondered either way.

“Alright, I guess I can take some days off. I wanted to transfer to another part of the country anyways. It’s hard finding closure when you see your ex every day.”

“It’s set then, let me get your ticket ready. I have to go back the day after tomorrow. I’ll take you to your place tomorrow morning so you can get your things ready.” you nodded in between yawns, hauling such a heavy mountain of muscle was taking a toll on your body by now, “Thank you, Tōru. I’ll transfer the money of the ticket back to you tomorrow then.” you kissed his cheek, before turning into a ball on your side of the sofa, ready to go to sleep. “Sleep in the bed, pumpkin. I’ll take the sofa.” he tickled your feet, still very much occupied booking your flight. He’s never really stopped calling you silly pet names but they were really hitting hard tonight. “You should be more tired, I’ll be fine here, I’m tinier than you.”

Once he was done with the purchase, he held you up effortlessly, taking you over to the bed and turning off the lights on his way. You thought he’d just leave you there and go back to the sofa, but he didn’t. He got in bed with you and fell asleep as quick as it all happened, minding his distance to avoid making you feel uncomfortable.

Sleep reached you just as fast and the next thing you noticed were Iwaizumi’s groans, too close for comfort and the bright light of the next morning hitting your face from a badly closed window. “Did you really have to sleep together while I was in the same room? Have some decency, please. I didn’t need to see this.” Confused, you looked around sleepily. Your head was on Oikawa’s chest, he somehow ended up shirtless during the night and was holding one of your thighs up with one of his large hands, keeping you in place and riling the shirt you were wearing way to high, giving a very descriptive view of your lacy underwear to a traumatized Iwaizumi.

You sat up straight immediately, covering yourself. “It isn’t what it looks like. We didn’t ‘sleep together’ just ‘slept together’ if that makes sense. You know what I mean! Shared the same bed, no bodily fluids involved.” his hangover was killing him and your cute blushy face and disheveled self was giving him more troubles than it should, “For fuck sakes, (Y/N), just shut up, you’re only making it worse.”

“Morning, sunshine.” mumbled Oikawa groggily, burring his face on the side of your bum, hugging you closer. “Yeah right, not what it looks like. Where are my keys?” you pointed over to the nightstand, hiding your face with your hair in shame.

“Tell shittykawa I’m taking my booze. See you around, (Y/N).” you called after him, wanting his approval for what was coming next, you always valued his opinion after all. “Iwaizumi-san…. Tōru got me a plane ticket to go with him to Argentina for a few days to clear my head. Am I doing the right thing? Do you think this could trigger him back in any way? If you tell me I shouldn’t do this, I won’t.”

Oikawa was very much awake, bawling his hands onto your shirt, “You are a grown woman, (Y/N). Do what your heart tells you to. I know you won’t use him as a bounce back, you would never do that to anyone. I trust you; I know you’ve always had his best interest at heart. It’s time you do what you want to do for a change. You don’t need my permission, or Semi’s. But know you’ll always have me for whatever you might need.” Having his full support made your heart feel full, he’s always had your back even when things were really bad, hearing him say this was all you needed to feel at ease. “Thank you, hope you know I’m always here for you too, so is Tōru. I know something’s bothering you, we’ll always be here if you need to talk, just let us know when you’re ready to do so.” the soft look on your face gave him a pretty good idea of why Oikawa would just not get over you, no matter what, you were really something, “I know, I’ll be fine. Worry about you some more, will you.” grumbling, he left you behind on his way back to his own place, in deep need of a shower and some aspirin.

“I know you’re awake, Tōru.” you threaded your fingers through his short hair, his face still very much pressed to the bare skin of your thigh, “You know I would never hurt you again, right?” his mumbling brought back memories, he was still a bit unsure of his own self, still very ashamed of what he did in the past and how he hurt you, he knows you said you forgave him but would his presence still bother you? He wanted to erase all those bad memories from your head and replace them with the good ones you shared back then.

“Of course, I know. I also know you didn’t do it on purpose. C’mere.” you laid back down, bringing him to rest on your chest, soothing his ill feelings. “I just want you to be comfortable around me, I won’t lay a hand on you or tell you nasty stuff ever again. You’re the most precious being in my eyes, just wanted you to know that.” his face was now buried on the crook of your neck, holding you as close as it was humanly possible. “Well, I see two of your hands on me right now, mister.” you tried lightening up the mood, this was a good thing, for both of you. “You know what I mean, (Y/N)…” he whined, clinging onto you for dear life, “I know, I was joking. I’m not scared of you, Tōru. I trust you, I know you won’t hurt me again. You worked so hard to get where you are right now, I know you won’t go back to it.” you stayed that way in bed for an hour or so more, you thought you were soothing him, but in reality, having him cling to you, telling you sweet nothings was making you feel so much lighter, he ended up soothing you instead. Suddenly all your problems didn’t matter anymore, your discontent with your job, your lack of ambition and motivation, the break-up, everything just got out of your head and was replaced with excitement.

What would Argentina be like? You know nothing about said place, but Tōru loves it, it must be really cool and oh my god, food! You just can’t wait to try it all.

He was right, this was probably what you needed.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

“Tōru, why am I sitting in first class? I can’t possibly afford this!” you whisper-yelled over to him, taking a seat beside him and double checking your boarding pass to make sure this was in fact your seat, “We all travel in first class, the government pays for it. I can’t just let you sit on economy on your own when we are having delicious food here.” you totally forgot he was actually representing a country, he was a celebrity of some sort, it made sense he traveled in first class, “But Tōru, this is a hell of a long flight, how much did this even cost? You keep on ignoring me every time I ask for your account to transfer the money!” he shushed you with his index finger to your lips, fixing your seat onto a more comfortable position, “Just relax, ok? I put you through some hardcore stuff in life, let me spoil you a bit.” his flirty wink and smile were doing things to your heart, but his teammates were also sitting beside you, enjoying the show.

“Never seen you pay for something this expensive for a girl, Oikawa. Even beers are too expensive for you when we go clubbing. I wonder, what does it take to break the man this much?” you know you’ve seen his face, he was a member of his team, older than you if you’re not mistaken. “I, ugh. We’ve known each other for a long time. I’m (Y/N) by the way.” your shy but bashful smile made the older man blush, “She’s my ex, my best girl, the love of my life, the caramel to my macchiato.” snuggling his face onto your cheek he kept on mumbling nonsense, his eyes never leaving his teammate’s, “That serious, huh? How long were you two together? I’ve never seen you last over a month with someone, a first-class seat must cost a good number of days.”

“Ummm, almost three years, right Tōru?” he nodded, reaching over for the airline blanket to cover you from the chilly air. “Yeah, something like that. Hope you know what that means.” his smile was more like a threat, he didn’t want his teammates blabbing about his adventurous ways with other women, you were special, you meant something true to him. “Got it, I’ll just shut up now. If you need anything let me know, (Y/N) was it? I can show you around town, I know the best restaurants. Hope you booked a hotel in a good area, where are you staying?” he was genuinely trying to be of any help, but it was causing Oikawa’s bile to boil, “She’s staying with me in my house. Don’t worry, I’ll take her to all the nice places.” he was now placing the noise cancelling headphones over your ears, looking for a movie on your screen, “Is this movie good enough, love?” you just nodded, hugging his arm and getting comfy for the long ride. The familiarity of it all was causing a few gasps here and there in the cabin but thankfully, you couldn’t hear them.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

Argentina was a beautiful country.

Tōru took you sightseeing every time his schedule allowed him to do so. Every day felt new and refreshing, from hiking, to foodie adventures, to beach trips, every day was filled with excitement and laughter. You didn’t know you needed vacations this bad. You’ve been overworking yourself pretty much since high school and never really had a purpose in mind. You knew you wanted to have a well-paid job, stability, a place to belong and function in society, but Miyagi’s government wasn’t what you expected it would be. Office work was boring, you even had to use fax machines, who uses fax machines these days?

Life in general was way too boring back home, Semi was always busy, either with work or with his band affairs. You were consumed with working overtime and life had lost all color to you for a while now. Semi was the one to initiate the breakup, he was feeling the same way, he had no time for a relationship and felt bad about it. Love wears out if you don’t dedicate enough time to it and that was something his life lacked of, time.

But this, this was different.

Everyone there looked so free and happy. There was so much life in the streets. You kindda didn’t want to go back, and Oikawa could read you like an open book.

His advances on you had been slow. He didn’t want to freak you out, but he was confident now that you didn’t mind him sneaking tiny kisses here and there or his arms being wrapped around you at all times.

“Baby girl, why don’t you just quit your job? Stay here for good.” you were both on his balcony, enjoying the sunrise. It was bright and early, you’ve been talking all night, sleep never hitting any of you. His arms were wrapped lazily around your waist, holding you from behind, his lips trailing your ear lightly trying to sway you, “Sounds tempting. But what would I do here, Tōru? I can’t keep living off of you, doesn’t matter how much money you have.” You’ve been seriously considering not returning, at least for a while, but you didn’t want to overstay, what if he didn’t want you there? He gets bored of things quite easily. “How about you apply to the Japan embassy here? You have experience working for the government, I bet you could transfer here.” that was a brilliant idea actually, “Would be a stuck-up job still though, but I can put in your life all the spices you may need.” his low chuckle right by your ear was driving you insane, it was hard to think properly when he just wouldn’t keep his hands to himself.

“Alright, I guess that could work.”

He turned you around in a swift move, pressing his lips on yours gently, testing the waters. When you wrapped your arms around his neck, he deepened the kiss pouring all his adoration towards you in it.

The beautiful pinkish sky was left to be the only witness to the continuation of your love story.

○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●

Tagged babes: @dazaisfavgf, @lauraagrace

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g0nta-g0kuhara · 9 months

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OKAY OKAY, I've been reading your Ch4 text posts, and I was gonna just comment, but it got so long, and I was ITCHING to interact so-

Honestly, I think the big reason Ch4 is underappreciated is because of just how divisive Ch4 is as a WHOLE.

Ch5 and Ch6 in a lot of ways are a lot more straight forward!! Especially in characterization. It could (and frequently is) argued what Kaito and Kokichi's motivations are in Ch5, and how they are meant to be interpreted- but it's super open-ended and people can really easily view it the way THEY want to. Kaito and Kokichi can so easily fall into what the viewer WANTS them to be.

Ch4, on the other hand, fundamentally challenges how the characters view each other and, more importantly, how the AUDIENCE sees the characters. For example if you have hated Kokichi since the start, its easy to write him off in ch5 and say he deserved it, but in ch4 you have to confront the fact that Miu was planning to take him out, and that he was SCARED. I've seen people argue the fact that Kokichi SHOULDN'T have been scared as a way to justify how they feel about him and Ch4.

And of course the major Ch4 elephant in the room: A lot of people have to grapple with (or chose to ignore) the real tragedy Gonta faced, because it would mean fully embracing how complicated he is as a character. A lot of people wanted a straightforward: perfect wholesome character was manipulated by an evil villain to kill and faced the consequences, but that's just not what happened. Gonta is a genuinely kind soul and was placed between a rock and a hard place, and whether or not Kokichi had TOLD him... would have been deeply affected by losing another friend, one he thought HE was close with. He lost his memory, not because he was stupid, but because he didn't have the same DOMINANT HAND as everyone else and got his wires mixed up. There's so much to be said about Gonta in chapter 4 but all of it involves a mental confrontation with the fact that he's a human being with free will, who can make both informed decisions and mistakes.

I keep using the word "confront," because that really is what chapter 4 is. Confrontational. Kaito embodies someone who can't handle that confrontation, Shuichi has to cope with the truth and confronting others WITH that truth (including a perpetrator that forgot what he did-), Kokichi has to confront the horrors of the outside world alongside the fact that someone he trusted and worked alongside is planning to kill him, he has to confront the fact that Gonta lost his memory and the fact everyone thinks that Kokichi is just trying to frame his friend, and Gonta has to confront so much of that alongside Kokichi as well as what he, himself did. Something he IS willing to take responsibility for because he recognizes his OWN agency.

(Repeating my thesis like this is a report -) Chapter 4 is incredibly hard to swallow and harder to digest, and because of that gets overshadowed by the following chapters that have a lot more ambiguity and room to pack in as much interpretation as the audience can imagine. There's no fun in wondering how Miu's last moments played out, unlike wondering what REALLY happened in the hangar. Interpretations can be played around with a LOT when it comes to pregame characters, but it's a lot less fun to place blame in a situation full of people who were only trying to defend themselves. To fully appreciate Chapter 4 you have to be open minded to the fact that characters can do "bad" things and it doesn't make them bad people, and that situations can be deeply and blatantly unfair to those you love and those you hate alike.

It's a really complicated chapter, I see you in being obsessed with it, thank you for coming to my Ted talk lol.

(I didnt even know you could send asks this long holy hell!!)

I can see that ch5 and ch6 have a long more areas of wiggle room and ambiguity to play around in. It's no surprise hangar fics are so common. I guess that makes a good deal of sense- the interest in ch4 is less in "What happened that we didnt see" and more the implications of what concretely happened on the characters and their motivations/inner thoughts for doing what they did.

An image I have in my head extremely vividly of trial 4 is Kaito, Shuichi, and Kokichi arguing with eachother (metaphorically with truth bullets- Ideals vs Truth vs Lies (Ive been struggling to think of an art composition along this theme since I finished the damn chapter a year ago ghdsjkf)) with Gonta in the centre in the crossfire. It is a BRUTAL chapter for all of these characters. But within that there is so much to dig into. What was going through Kaito's head as it became increasingly clear Gonta could not be innocent? How did Shuichi deal with his number one support lashing out and rejecting him like he did? What the genuine fuck was going through Kokichi's head?

I'm going to be fully honest here (so I apologize if this is a bit blunt or anything I am trying my best), but I REALLY struggle to grapple with Kokichi's role in ch4 wrt gonta in any type of sympathetic light. With Miu and Kokichi I see the complexity in its entirety. It's heartbreaking to think that those two were friends and Miu chose to target him in her desperation, and Kokichi had to deal with the fact that she was trying to kill him AND with whatever he saw from the truth of the outside world. But when it comes to Gonta.. I almost feel like I can't talk about it objectively. Even just thinking about the trial from that perspective makes my stomach turn in knots. But there is an amount of fun in that yknow?? I cannot tell you how many hours I've spent trying to unravel all that, especially before I played ch5 5 months after I finished trial 4.

The fun and the interest in trial 4 is that its so complex. There's no one complete villain and there's no one true hero, despite what a superficial look at the chapter might tell you (especially pre ch5). Putting these characters in situations where they're so outside of what their standard role in v3 had been so far is so entertaining to me.

Miu asking Kokichi not to struggle as she betrays him (what caused her desperation to get to this point?). Kokichi pushing past being just mischievous and perhaps insensitive to being downright cruel (and what caused the change in his behaviour). Kaito's righteous anger and rejection of Shuichi, his desperation to defend Gonta. (fun fact- they used a sprite for Kaito here that is only used twice in the game AFAIR, once when Gonta is proved without a shadow of a doubt to be guilty, again when he saw the truth of the outside world. It's one of my favourite Kaito sprites). Shuichi having to push through the trial with his only support being Kokichi (which he does not necessarily want) and Kiibo with everyone else against him. The subversion of what Gonta had been saying about himself, and what his classmates had been implying about him the entire time, that he is not stupid, and they've all been brushing him aside because of their own preconceptions, hurting him in the process. It drives me insane. It's so good.

You're so so right, and thank you for this ask. This is the kind of analysis of ch4 that I ADORE.

#pluto answers #I hope I was coherent I think I mightve just been gushing for a bit

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wellwornwornwell · 1 year

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On: “Personality”

Things used to be simpler. Growing up the cardinal sin was always “trying too hard.” It was easy to spot the try-hard. Their lack of presence, or panache, of convincing affect was immediately apparent to anyone paying attention. And lucky us, these walking clammy handshakes transcended medium. You didn’t need context or presence to read between the lines. The try-hard was immediately recognizable and always absolute.

Today, as we assault ourselves with information and shape ourselves around impossible yet conflicting standards, it appears our conception of sin has evolved into a much more existential death rattle: “You have no personality.”

What even is a “personality?”

We are all informed by our experiences. We gleefully allow them to poison us and those around us until a kindly stranger or well-compensated counselor twists our lids back on straight. Does the noble personality merchandise stains of neglect and abuse as selling points? Or is the superior personality anchored in a cautious sense of optimism – a willingness?

One thing is for sure, we’ve all decided that things cannot substitute for a personality… Wait, what?

History is littered with people plastering their visage with and solidifying their legacy around things, ideas, experiences, and outcomes reserved for the few. We are always looking to establish prestige and rank ourselves. It’s how we cope. How we control. It’s how we create rules we are certain keep us from living amongst the animals.

So, what is the latitude and longitude for where things end and personality begins? How can I know I’m listening to the right podcasts or visiting the cool cities? Is my instinct for a hierarchal approach even valid? I mean, at the risk of sounding old, it all feels very “try-hard.”

So, I’ll make a suggestion: Personality is enjoyment.

A bit hedonistic to be sure. Somewhere Lovelace and Herrick smile. But let’s be honest with ourselves. Personality – or at least what I pretend to understand as “personality” – comes from a place of confidence and contentment. Sure, some adversity along the way is helpful; essential even. But we don’t always want to hear New Order lyrics from the Hot Topic kids. We crave informed assurance, informed hope.

What does any of this have to do with clothes? Maybe it doesn’t. But I enjoy clothes. I find style comforting. I find the will and the effort essential. And most importantly, I find no need to take any of it seriously.

Please have fun out there. Please enjoy. Please experiment. Please share.

Life is uncertain. There is much that will change. It’s changing right now. We are guaranteed nothing and will never know our destination, no matter how carefully we plan the trip. So, if I may be so bold, I suggest you enjoy your painstaking logistics with a calculated apathy trumped only by a realistic sense of duty.

Personality is enjoyment. Both yours and the enjoyment of those around you. Act accordingly.

#personality #me

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pokevism · 3 months

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took the words RIGHT outta my mouth with the last post. madhouse is a mixed bag more than it is an outright fundamentally broken story that would never work.

the worst part about Madhouse is that it has so much potential and promise. it's BEGGING to be written by somebody who actually cares at all about the story because most of the details really can work, but instead of being told as a delicately crafted story it's being used as a coping tool by a writer who didn't even know how to go about the damn endangered species plot point properly.

idk, i'm the kinda guy who likes seeing stuff at it's best and madhouse totally dropped the ball, so i just like the sudden wave of madhouse rewrites lmfao

btw your human characters look cool as hell

Yes! Full agree! I'm such a huge fan of No Bad Ideas, that I do genuinely believe any story could be a really good experience if handled by writers that care. Calling a story fundamentally unsalvagable is, I feel, pretty close-minded in a way! Madhouse suffers basically from the author throwing everything in the pot haphazardly without measurement, when it needed to follow the recipe's gentle guide. I also want to make self indulgent content, but it takes care, it takes patience, and most importantly of all, it takes real passion for the craft. Lily Orchard Doesn't Understand Art. She doesn't care or respect the medium whatsoever. It's clear she doesn't understand what makes the works she enjoys so enjoyable, because it's usually nothing that she thinks it is, nor is herself capable of. It shows in everything she tries to create. People don't see what she tells them they're supposed to see, they see the total lack of passion, soul if you will. Even this story can work and be so impactful if you put genuine soul behind it, and that's the beauty of ideas. It can totally flop for one person but thrive when handed off to another. Her lack of passion extends to the lore of her world. examples include... Ralts are going extinct, does this affect the characters or world in any noticeable way? No because she didn't bother to think any further than “i wanna make them more rare and special” also she finds a special rare endangered ralts just out in the wild near her home. wouldn't it avoid busy spaces bc it can sense people and Ralts are skittish? whatever it just accepts Lily immediately with no work because- ooh a piece of candy! Silph co. has a cloning machine they wanna use to fix the population but how would this actually fix it when the problem is that Pokémon aren't breeding and why would they ignore Ditto who fixes this problem immediately? No idea because the machine was the only way Lily thought of to "Make cryptid child real!!" and nothing else. The machine only makes clones of the Pokémon put in, and not viable base forms of an evolution line, but this is never addressed because it's completely irrelevant in the face of Lily's Cryptid Lovechild over here. Gardevoir made a psychic bond to her trainer without her consent, does this effect how they behave around each other afterwards? Not really! because she's uninterested in thinking about how it would! The psychic link connects their life force and thoughts but in a non-intrusive way so Lily the character just happened to not notice ANYTHING wrong here until she was told? Can you believe that? I can't. How do these things effect each other? They don't! Nothing effects anything else because she doesn't care! They just happen and then stop happening and nobody ever talks about it again except to go “ah yes this is a thing, I will fully accept that and never question it again”! I've, notably, just described Lacey, the 'cynical' Kalosian Socialite. Who just fully took Lily the character at face value despite being a cynic and then vanished off the surface of the earth because she's irrelevant now that she's approved of Lily's Cryptid Lovechild. I could go on but i'll cut it short. Lily only uses Madhouse to express her crooked desires uncritically and without consequence in a blameless void, Which is fine... if she didn't believe it was more than that. Regards to you and anyone else also rewriting madhouse, I love seeing people capitalize on the potential of such a story, as well. In your own Asylum work so far alone, it has more soul and passion than Lily's entire body of 'creative writing' and 'critical analysis'. On that note. Thank you, Dillweed! I've actually seen your work before I started this account. Your characters look so visually distinct from other styles i've been exposed to. Such strong expressions compliment each one of the characters vividly, enhanced by how effective every design decision is. I can respect how much thought you put into your own characters! Thank you for the ask!

#is Cryptid even a good word to describe Bonnie at all??? Cryptid Child is the whole personality but i looked it up and Bonnie doesn't even #match the definition google gave me of a cryptid? she's Eldritch for sure though i think. Hmm..#pokemadhouse #pokemadhouse rewrite #pokeblr #pokemon #answered asks #lily orchard is a bad writer #lily orchard #mikaila orchard

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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 2 years

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In the universe were Bella eats Charlie, does this help to "wake her up", is she a better or worse mother? Is the death of Charlie enough to make any of the non imprinted shape shifters re-think about the imprint issue? (given how their reason of being is to protect humans from vampires and how one of them caused the death of a human because of the imprint) or would it be all the Cullens fault? And most importantly: does Emmet make jokes about it? Is that what breaks the Cullens in this universe?!? And how does Carlisle deals with being unable to send Bella to the funeral? 🤣

Anon's referring to this post.

... Good god, the answer is worse. Much worse.

"Would Bella eating her own father, within days of traumatically giving birth to a daughter eating her from the inside, the father pushed into seeing her by a man who used to be her best friend and is now intent on marrying her daughter, make her a more rational person and a better parent?"

Does that look like a question whose answer is "Yes, most definitely. We call it 'Death Therapy'"

I can't believe I'm actually going to bother answering your questions. I feel like I should hang up my hat and call it a day.

Does Bella Become a Better Parent?

No.

She becomes an utter wreck. She probably isolates herself as much as she can, I imagine from the family as well as humans, as she lives in sudden fear of herself as the possibility she'd never really thought possible is in the worst of ways.

Oh, Bella had been told she might kill someone. She knew it was a possibility, but it'd always been a vague one.

Edward would stop her, someone would stop her, she'd move to Antarctica. And if she did kill someone then it'd be someone she didn't know, a tragedy, but not one that affected her any more than Edward initially killing her would have affected him.

Yes, the Cullens talk about struggling and Jasper nearly ate her once, but she's never seen them slip and it didn't all seem real to her.

Now it's very real, Bella has murdered her own father and he's never coming back, and she has failed as a Cullen within a matter of hours. She is the failure of the family, she's not good enough for them, she doesn't have the self-restraint and control for the diet and she's a burden to them.

She turned and she's still lesser.

Bella is a neurotic, depressed, mess who barely talks to anyone (especially Edward who is much too forgiving of her/angry with Jacob for this), and wants no relationship with her daughter. Bella isn't worthy to be in her daughter's life because she just ate the girl's grandfather.

Renesmee grows up estranged from her mother, having no real connection to her, and probably not a single conversation.

Rosalie just reminds people, in quiet moments when Bella's out of earshot, that she had voted not to turn Bella.

Do the Shapeshifters Rethink Imprinting?

No, because most of them weren't that accepting of it to begin with.

The shapeshifters did not view imprinting as a glorious, wonderful, thing. It causes Sam, Leah, and Emily great distress that they try to cope with, but none are shouting how wonderful it is.

Emily is utterly horrified at Quil having imprinted on her niece. Is barely okay with it when Quil is demoted to "babysitter who comes over once a week."

Jake lives in terror of imprinting because he knows it means he will lose everything he has with Bella. He won't be himself anymore or care about what Jake ever cared about.

The others seem to be doing okay but the imprintees seem to have little understanding of what this means and the consequences.

They all get along because they have to. That's key here: there is no choice and no one wants to find out what happens when the answer is "no".

There was no choice with Renesmee and because of that the tribe stood down (and was very confused on how he could imprint on a vampire, because what the fuck) but in terms of Charlie...

This isn't the first time a terrible tragedy has happened due to imprinting.

Sam mauled Emily. The scenario was very different in that his was an accident whereas Jake's was very intentional and a willful disregard of the human lives he was meant to protect but...

Imprinting steals your very soul.

It steals everything from you and means there is nothing you will not do for your imprint.

The tribe knows this and thorughout canon we see hints that they are not okay with it. But what can they do? It can't be stopped and it can't be reversed.

Does Emmett Make Jokes About it?

He knows enough to wait. And he holds them in, desperately, for years.

He keeps waiting. Because every time he thinks it's cool, Bella's somehow a mess again.

Rosalie tells him, "Honey, it's never going to be the right time. Don't do it. Ever."

Ten years out he slips. Just a freudian slip of the tongue, holding it in too long: "Hey Bella, swans must be your favorite food, amiright? Nyuk nyuk nyuk."

Bella implodes again, regresses back to ground zero, and everyone stares at Emmett in horror and then rage.

Emmett and Rosalie go on an emergency honeymoon for two years.

How Does Carlisle Deal with Not Sending Bella to the Funeral?

The Cullens are sent to the funerals in part to remind them their victims were human and death has consequences.

While Bella's accident was just as accidental as the other's, she is well aware of the impact killing Charlie had and spends years punishing herself.

I imagine Carlisle's secretly glad he didn't send Bella to the funeral.

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight renaissance #bella swan #the cullens #charlie swan #twilight shapeshifters #meta #headcanon #opinion #al3zthecat blog

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allthingsencanto · 2 years

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If there’s anything that Encanto has taught us, it’s that real human internal conflicts and struggles that comes with being a family can be JUST as interesting as a big scary villain, a big adventure, or a character’s life at stake.

I’ve seen a lot….and I mean a LOT of people say they were disappointed when they first saw the movie, because a lot of people were expecting a big adventure, twists and turns, or a villain. While I can’t fault people for having their expectations raised, ESPECIALLY how Disney advertised the film, it does bother me when people go “There was no adventure, nothing exciting happens, therefor the film is bad!”, because yes, you’re entitled to your opinion, and I can understand where you’re coming from, however, just because there were “no high stakes”, as people claim, doesn’t make the film automatically bad.

Regardless of what you expected or how Disney advertised it, the point of Encanto is that it’s a CHARACTER driven story, and for those who don’t know what that is, it’s a story where the CHARACTERS themselves and the relationships between one another drive the story forward, rather than a big event. The film is all about the characters, who they are, how they feel, and how they interact with one another, in good and bad situations. It’s about family, and the pros and cons that come with it, especially generational trauma, and how it can affect someone. The truth is yes, this story all takes place in one location, there’s no villain, there’s no big adventure, but that’s not a BAD thing, in fact, it’s one of the movie’s strengths in my eyes. If you’re a person who isn’t interested in cinema where it’s just about the characters, their relationships and struggles, that’s fine, but to me, I think we all need a break from a big action movie, or a “everyone could die!” movie, or even a “wait, YOU were the bad guy???” movie. People seem to forget that to tell a good story, you need to have good characters, interesting characters that you would want to follow around, to see more of, to be INVESTED in, so why not have a family film just about the characters themselves? The human mind is just as scary as ANY villain, that’s my motto. For me personally, I for one love that this film has no villain, because the REAL villain is our own demons we have, our own imperfections, our flaws, our hardships, our mistakes. It’s so interesting to see how these characters bounce off of one another, what their struggles are, and most importantly, how they cope with it, wether it be in a healthy or unhealthy way. I’m so invested in the Madrigal family that I would gladly watch ANYTHING with them, because they’re all interesting characters, and as long as you the audience member find the characters intriguing enough to like them or want to follow them and get invested in, then the film is doing something right.

I do want to give my thoughts on some of the feedback regarding the film in this department though, because I’m not going to lie, I disagree, or don’t see the issue with all of them. For starters, the whole “there’s no adventure!”- one. Like I said above, I don’t blame people for saying this, because the trailer DID make it look like there was going to be one, even though the setting is in the casita, and a little bit of the village. However, even though the film takes place in the house, the house itself is HUGE! It’s magical, we literally get to see huge rooms, and various locations with all kinds of different colors and aesthetics. That’s one of the things I love about the film, because even though it all takes place in ONE location, it was able to represent what Columbia looks and feels like. Also, you don’t need a big adventure to have a good movie, same goes for a villain, because you don’t need to have a villain all the time, in fact, people who complain about not having a villain miss the point of the film. Their IS no villain! If you want to watch a story about an adventure and a villain, then this movie isn’t for you, but that doesn’t mean it’s BAD. And finally, the biggest complaint is “there’s no stakes!”, and this is the one that ticked me off the most because……there actually ARE stakes, just not the one’s you’d think. There are two main stakes in Encanto, the first and obvious one is that the family miracle is DYING, ergo they all lose their powers. To you as an audience member, maybe it’s not a big stake, but to the CHARACTERS, it is. The miracle is literally the most important thing in this story, their gifts, their matriarch, their reputation. If they lose the miracle, they lose everything! Everything that they had been taught to love, to value. The second stake, is the fear of if you mess up in this family, if you’re not of value, you are looked down upon by Alma. THAT’S why everyone never wanted to disappoint her, that’s why Isabela and Luisa were afraid of her when she yelled at Mirabel, that’s why Bruno and Mirabel felt awful about not helping the family. These two stakes are the main things that drive the story forward, so a big risk doesn’t always need to be a character’s LIFE on the line. Again, this movie is about the CHARACTERS, and how they feel!

So as I have said, your opinion is valid. If you found the movie boring, that’s okay! However, please know that their doesn’t always need to be a villain, their doesn’t always need to be an adventure, their doesn’t always need to be a deadly stake to make a good and compelling story. If I’m being honest, I feel like people who say the opposite, who complain out the film not having a villain or an adventure are just SO used to watching the old formulaic Disney movies that always had a simple good vs. evil plot and always flat out TOLD you everything without letting it’s audience think or feel for themselves. It always felt like part of the Encanto fandom, or at least people who miss the point of what the movie is trying to be, just can’t handle the concept of COMPLEX characters and complex themes. I know it sounds petty yes, but it’s how I feel. If you don’t like the movie, that’s okay as well! But like I said before, if you want to watch a film about a big adventure with a villain and high stakes, then this film is NOT for you, that’s all I can say.

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journeys-of-miso · 1 year

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Intro :)

TRIGGER WARNING: listing audio and visual triggers of misophonia (will be indicated with ❗)

Hi!

I was diagnosed with misophonia the summer before I began high school. This led to a lot of emotions that I'm still trying to deal with.

It was a relief, first of all - I think that this problem had been slowly developing for years. When I hit puberty, I got moody - angry at everyone like a typical teenager. So my parents assumed that my symptoms were just that (I don't blame them at all. I would have done the same thing). But deep down, I knew something was wrong:

❗The sound of eating shouldn't fill me with rage.

❗Silverware on a plate shouldn't make me cry.

❗And every time my teacher smacks their lips as they lecture should not make me want to run far, far away.

As I got older, all my mood swings and volatile temperament passed - but my sensitivities remained. Everything felt excruciatingly loud. I kept my headphones on whenever I could, trying my best to drown out sound. I couldn't eat dinner with my family anymore - I couldn't be near anyone that was eating.

I would be in a relatively quiet classroom, and yet my senses would be overwhelmed.

❗My teacher's lips smacking every time she opens her mouth to speak.

❗Calculator cases scraping against laminated desks.

❗Tired students yawning every other minute - with their mouths wide open, of course.

❗Kids chomping on gum and shaking their legs.

It was a horrible way to live. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I felt isolated, scared, and exhausted.

So I did some research. I typed in my symptoms and spent a whole lot of time trying to figure out what was wrong. At first, I thought I had auditory processing disorder, but my symptoms were too specific.

So I went deeper.

I realized that I had hyperacusis: a disorder in loudness perception.

But that wasn't all. I also had misophonia. The dictionary definition is "a condition in which... common sounds... cause an atypical emotional response (such as disgust, distress, panic, or anger) in the affected person hearing the sound." While this definition is accurate, I feel that there is no way to truly make others understand how difficult and painful this is to live with. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

As I've learned about my condition, I've found ways to cope - from earplugs, headphones, brown noise, and meetings with teachers about accommodations. Even if I have to live with this for the rest of my life, this does not define me. It does not make me any less of a person, and most importantly, it is not my fault.

As I venture on, learning more about myself and my condition along the way, I'll record it on this blog. My hope is that people struggling with this condition (or others) will find comfort in knowing that they are not alone, and can use some of my own coping mechanisms.

-Keep on feeling the love,

🧸𝑀𝒾𝓈𝑜🧸

#misophnia #hearingdisorder #hyperacusis #mentalhealth #ears #relatable #copingmechanisms #selfcare #anxiety

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blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk · 8 months

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Can I get coral fragments and brickwork shadows for Peter, Dagger, and/or possibly Snake?

yessss, absolutely!

Stonework Headcanons

Coral Fragments: How well does your muse deal with stress? Do they do anything in particular to help them deal with it, and if so what do they do?

He deals with stress on average about as good as most of the others do; better than Peter, worse than Jumbo. Dagger is around the midpoint… if they were all a scale of one to ten, he’d be a five. In the kind of life they all live, he kind of has to handle stress at least marginally alright. Whenever he starts getting more stressed out than normal, he tends to go to the practice tents and just throw knives, trying to get a bullseye. It often bleeds the tension — and, more importantly, the energy — out of him to practice. If he burns off the extra energy his anxieties are using, then his stress doesn’t have it available to feed on, and he finds that helps a lot.

Brickwork Shadows: Is your muse good with their hands, or do they tend to be fairly clumsy?

He’s incredibly handy! Er, well, that is to say, he’s pretty good with his hands. As a knife thrower, it sort of comes with the territory. If he wasn’t good with his hands, he’d probably be in a different role in the circus. Of course, he’s got his issues, as does everyone; sometimes he fumbles a bit. On the whole, though, he doesn’t have too many problems using his hands, even for more delicate things. His chosen act necessitates him having deft fingers, and he’s worked to overcome any clumsiness he might have had before.

Coral Fragments: How well does your muse deal with stress? Do they do anything in particular to help them deal with it, and if so what do they do?

Poorly. He can cover it up if need be, and he can hold it back, but even if he does, it’s going to overwhelm him intensely once it finally comes out. At first, if you know him, it seems like he handles stress, if not perfectly, then okay. Anyone who knows him well, though, will know that he’s got a bad temper lurking below the surface. He lets little things collect in a pile which buries him, so that when he snaps, it’s explosive, quite possibly out of proportion with whatever tipped the scales. Unfortunately, there aren’t many techniques he has to cope with stress, other than ignoring it, shoving it under the rug, and letting it swallow him later. Even though he knows it’s a problem, he doesn’t have the tools to better deal with it.

Brickwork Shadows: Is your muse good with their hands, or do they tend to be fairly clumsy?

Absolutely! He’s actually great with his hands, and is only clumsy if he’s distracted. He’s definitely had to work at it — the first few times frantically grasping for the trapeze bar only to miss and tumble down into the safety net were a good teacher. That’s the main motivation, in that if he was hopelessly clumsy, he would be falling and hurting himself during shows or even during practice. He’s got enough problems without a twisted ankle or an aching shoulder. This means he’s got some not insignificant muscles in his hands and wrists, though he can still be a little clumsy when it comes to things that require better fine motor skills. (He probably won’t be doing much sewing, for example…)

Coral Fragments: How well does your muse deal with stress? Do they do anything in particular to help them deal with it, and if so what do they do?

He handles stress alright, in the sense that he doesn’t usually let it linger and affect him too negatively. Much like Dagger, Snake is right there in the middle of being fine dealing with stress. Not terrible, not stellar. The problem is that Snake has a tendency to get stressed easily. People staring at him? Stress. Pushing himself a little too hard during practice? Stress. Talking to others who aren’t his family? Stress. When he does get stressed, his preferred method of dealing with it is to hide. Out of sight, out of mind. After hiding for a bit, and being with his pets, he quietly reemerges as if nothing was ever wrong. Of course, he has begun to put himself into more stressful situations, trying to figure out how to deal with it in a different way than just hiding. He’ll get there eventually!

Brickwork Shadows: Is your muse good with their hands, or do they tend to be fairly clumsy?

There are certainly people who are worse with their hands. He struggles with some things, but then again, those struggles tend to be because he’s never done a particular thing, and not because he’s generally not good with his hands. For one thing, he feeds his snakes by hand… if he didn’t have an insane perception of when to pull his hand away from their food, he’d lose a finger. In other respects, he also needs to be aware of his hands when he’s handling his pets. Different snakes need different levels of firmly holding them, different movements to make sure they don’t go where they’re not supposed to, that sort of thing. Some people are surprised by just how skilled he is with things that require dexterity.

#onehellofashadynerd #Black Butler #Kuroshitsuji #Dagger #Peter #Snake #headcanons #general #drama #ah yes......... my boys................. <3 #one hell of a queue

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jungk0oksthighs · 2 years

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Hi💜 so I’m a new writer that’s just starting out, I was wondering if you had any tips? Also I love your work sm💜💜

this is so sweet! thank u so much angel, writing is different for everybody but i'm happy to share some of my views and tricks etc! probably going to ramble a lot so i'll add a read more tab ~

every fic needs a beginning middle n an end, so i would plan these before you start writing it so you know where the story is heading and have a clear guideline of what you need to follow

make notes of random plot / sub-plot points you want to include and keep referring to the list when you're writing! this is really helpful for me

not every character needs a trauma or a problematic opinion, tension is great in fics i 100% agree but it needs to be relevant to the overall story telling and shouldn't be random (especially with angst, writing arguments is great but make sure the characters will think back to the arguments be it to learn from it or for more tension further down the line etc)

don't get disheartened if somebody doesn't like something you've written - it happens to all of us / take negative feedback with a pinch of salt! feedback is feedback and it can be a wonderful tool to improve ur skills but don't get hung up on people's opinions too much

write what YOU want to write. as long as ur passionate about the characters / storylines etc the right demographic will find u eventually

TAGS TAGS TAGS TAG EVERYTHING ITS HOW PPL FIND UR WORK!!!

there are networks u can join too!!

don't overwork yourself. write however much you can when YOU want to!!

have fun with it. get creative. make worlds that leave readers wanting more! if u have a vision in your head for what you want to write stick with it and don't let anybody sway you into telling a different story!

don't fixate on notes / lack of feedback. it can be disheartening but i assure you a persons number of notes / followers do not directly influence their talent. some of the best writers on here have less than 500 followers and get barely any notes (which is sad, i agree :( but try not to let numbers affect how you feel about your work) also block hate anons because fuck them and their venom, not worth your time at all!

don't compare yourself to others. everybody starts somewhere!!!

write things you're passionate about, things you have experience in or things you want to spread awareness about

if you're going to be a ff writer even though readers *know* who you're writing about don't skip over their physical descriptions as they're still an important part of ff!

when it comes to plot planning try and think of niche or never seen before plots! we all love a good friends to lovers trope but make yours stand out. everybody is writing something similar these days in terms of tropes and au's so add a sprinkle of ***flavour*** to yours that makes it stand out and more memorable to readers

but MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!! remember that your blog is yours and you can do and you can write whatever you want to! the world is yours so show it what you've got. for me writing ff is a coping mechanism and also high-key a form of escapism, if you get stressed writing then don't force it honey. you should enjoy writing and if there's ever a point where you don't then you need to take a break. this is ur blog. these are ur fics. don't let anybody tell u any differently.

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!! I HOPE IVE KINDA HELPED SORRY JUST WENT ON A BIG RAMBLE LOL. IF U WANT MORE SPECIFIC ADVICE PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ASK IM ALWAYS HAPPY TO HELP!!!!

sending u so much love and positive energy cause i remember how nervous i was when i first started out!!! you've got this, show us what you're made of!!

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isanyonereadingthis · 2 years

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Endometriosis Awareness!!

As mentioned previously in my first post, I have chosen to create this blog for various reasons, but most importantly:

1. To be an outlet for me personally; in order to process, cope, & overcome the daily challenges I am faced with

2. To be a safe and nonjudgmental place for people to freely ask, discuss, and/or share their personal experiences and challenges with someone who may understand their circumstances

3. To raise AWARENESS & EDUCATE more people on certain topics, disorders, stigmas, and challenges that may not be freely and openly discussed as much as they should be!!

4. To provide people that often suffer in silence, that they are not alone in their battles!!!

With that being said, I figured I would make my first real post about awareness and education on something that I personally suffer with, along with so many other women in this world: Endometriosis Awareness. It is a huge topic that not many people are familiar with or even know about due to lack of treatment and studies. Well, I'm here to shed some light on the topic.

To start off, for those of you who don't know what Endometriosis is, it is defined as, a disorder in which the tissue that normally lines the inside of the uterus grows on the outside of the walls of the uterus. The tissue can be found on the ovaries, fallopian tubes or even the intestines.

Statistically, Endometriosis affects an estimated 1 in 10 women during their reproductive years, it is commonly found in women between the ages of 15 to 49 years old. Approximately 176 million women in the world struggle with or are diagnosed with this disorder. The only accurate way to truly diagnose this disorder is through doing a laparoscopy, which is a surgical procedure used to check the organs in your abdomen or a woman's pelvic organs. The procedure uses a laparoscope, which is thin lighted tube that contains a camera and is usually done by making a small incision in the belly button. Statistics also have shown that about 12% of women with Endometriosis eventually need a hysterectomy at some point in their life.

Endometriosis is an extremely painful disorder and and even in some cases, (such as myself), extremely debilitating to the BRAVE and STRONG women who are suffering from it. I am and have been so beyond blessed that I received the opportunity to be properly diagnosed and that I have been able to afford the treatment and surgeries that I have and am still going through. It always disheartens me to think about how many women all over the world who have yet to be diagnosed, as they may not be able to afford or seek the medical attention that they desperately need and are silently suffering from this excruciating disorder.

Some of the most common symptoms found in women with Endometriosis are painful period cycles, painful ovulation, dysmenorrhea (heavy menstrual cramping), pain during and/or after sexual encounters, heavy periods, chronic pelvic pain, fatigue, and unfortunately infertility. This disorder has also been known to impact a woman's physical, emotional, mental and social well being. Some women suffering from this condition have even said that Endometriosis pain was worse than the pain they endured during childbirth.

To this day, there is no known cure for Endometriosis, only effective treatments, such as medications or surgery. Surgery for the disorder is usually when the doctor goes in and scrapes, cauterizes, or burns off as much of the scar tissue as they are physically able to.

Personally, as someone who suffers from this disorder, I have nothing but the utmost respect for all the women who are also suffering from it. I have experienced that some days, it takes all my strength and lots of pep talks to even make it out of bed for the day. Also, I can confidently say, that the pain experienced with endometriosis is something unlike any pain I've ever felt. And I wholeheartedly stand behind the facts that have said it can take a toll on every aspect of a woman's life (mentally, physically, emotionally, and socially). At times, I find it so hard to be my normal positive, upbeat self when I'm dealing with the pain that it has caused me and continues to cause me. However, if you have as much of a badass support system as I do, you can usually find a way to get through it. I could not have gotten as far as I have living with this condition if it were not for my amazing family, friends, boyfriend, and incredible doctors. I truly believe and have first handedly witnessed that having a strong and supportive support system is a MAJOR key to getting through any hardship, illness, or medical condition. The support, love and compassion I have felt from everyone around me that has been helping me through this tough and painful disorder I have been suffering from over the years, especially since being properly diagnosed in November 2020, has honestly been the most eye opening and remarkable love I have ever had the honor of receiving, knowing and feeling.

If you are one of the women suffering in silence, or are getting told constantly that it is just normal menstrual cramps (like I was for so long), do not be afraid to SPEAK UP!!! You are the only one who knows how bad the pain you are in and feel really is. Don't be afraid to ask for second opinions or even change doctors if you are no longer comfortable or happy with your current one. As I have already said, your physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing can all be affected from this terribly painful disorder. And, although there is no cure to Endometriosis yet, there is atleast treatments and medications that can really help alleviate your symptoms!!!

#endometriosis #endometriosis awareness #endometriosis surgery #mental heath support #mental health #mental heath awareness #medical #obgyn #health #coping #healing

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