#and disappointing and burdening the people around me because i can’t be fucking normal about like. hierarchy and institutional politics LOL

[pepprs]

i literally need there to stop being situations circumstances events developments complications and happenstances. for the fucking love of god

#purrs #but there will never stop being any of those things so actually what i literally need is to learn HARD AND FAST how to stop getting so #fucking triggered over a situation i know is NOTHING so bad that im anxious for the entire rest of the day and can’t even get any work done. #like (jade from tesco voice) girls… im not gonna lie to you. i think therapy is not working. i think i am not mentally or emotionally strong #enough to work in this job and i think i am never going to get mentally or emotionally stronger. ive been stuck in the quicksand too long #and now im atrophying. i cannot develop the situational awareness and motor skills or awakeness (and i mean AWAKEness.) to safely and #consistently drive a car. i cannot develop the intellect and drive and courage to get an advanced degree or be in a leadership position that #everyone actually sees as a leadership position lmfao. and i cannot develop the emotional intelligence and inner peace to not get triggered #out of my fucking mind at work to the point where im having anxiety heart palpitations and fighting back tears. i am just stuck as i am #forever. and you know how i know that? BECAUSE IVE WORKED AT THE NATIONALLY RENOWNED CENTER FOR YOU-ARE-NOT-STUCK-AS-YOU-ARE-FOREVER FOR #FIVE FUCKING YEARS SINCE ITS LITERAL FOUNDING AND HELPED TO FOUND IT AND IM STILL LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!! i go back to square one EVERY #FUCKING DAY!!!!!!!! how am i supposed to tell other people who they are is what they bring and the world can change and whatever when i am #the fucking antithesis of that. when i don’t even believe my own words. like the way i want to punch out every window in this building rn i #HATE BEING LIKe this i hate being in the psychic prison of scared little girl mode all the time forever no matter what and being beyond help #and disappointing and burdening the people around me because i can’t be fucking normal about like. hierarchy and institutional politics LOL #delete later

[stockholmdolly]

Thank you for loving ME IV

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x reader (Modern Au)

Warnings: Bucky, Natasha being a lazy bitch

Word count: 4,439

Summary: Two people with nothing in common, one is a socially awkward Y/AGE years old who lives a content life, no friends and definitely no complications; the other one is a man running from his past, avoiding friendships and relationships for fear to being hurt again. They’ve been living next door to each other for 6 months and know nothing about the other, well, except her, who knows all about his sexcapades. But life has a funny way of sneaking up on you. Who would’ve thought, it figures.

Author’s note: Hello fanfiction world, it is me! Stockholm Dolly. I’m sorry I don’t know what I am doing hahaha, I know Bruce wouldn’t be that gullible but for this he is, he wants his baby to be protected at all costs and the reader is naive, really naive and before someone tell me it isn’t real, I based the character on someone I know… Happy reading solecitos. English is my 4th language and all mistakes are my own confused mind lol

Catch up HERE:  I     II     III

IV. We have a DEAL

The commute to work was short. I keep thinking about James, there’s no denying he’s terribly handsome, but looks can't be all you have to give in a relationship, wait, relationship? Why am I thinking about a relationship with James, I barely know him, get your mind out of the gutter Y/N, this is ridiculous. We need to focus on moving on with our lives, dad would be really disappointed if something happened. 

I arrived Wayne, Inc., I’m not a big deal here, mainly because no one knows I’m the boss’s daughter, I’m just another intern who works as dad’s PA, he has a PA so I’m the PA's PA, yeah, that can be confusing.

Natasha, the PA is a bitch, she thinks she’s better than everyone and she's always flirting with dad and she got jealous because I have this position, I remember the first meeting I had with her like it was yesterday.

- Natasha, come in, this is our new intern, she’s going to work with you, lightening your workload, I know you have a lot on your plate with wedding planning so I think this will be a win-win for both of you, she can get experience and maybe take your position when you are on your well deserve 2-month honeymoon.

She was looking at me with murderous eyes, if looks could kill I would probably be in a quarry tied to a rope underwater. I didn’t want her job, dad was right I just needed experience, I signed up for online business courses and dad wanted to show me the real deal because he was planning to retire in a couple of years.  So no, I didn’t want her job because I was going to be her boss in the future.

- Hi, I’m Y/N, nice to meet you, Natasha. I said it as politely as I could.

- Hello, nice to meet you, if it’s all sir I can take her with me to show her around and start working.

- Yes, yes, of course Natasha, go ahead. Dad gave me a wink that didn’t go unnoticed by her, because the moment we set foot on her desk she almost jumped on me.

- Listen here bitch, I don’t care from what hole you came out or who you had to fuck to get here, but I’ve been working my ass off for months and you’re not going to come here to ruin everything. 

- I’m sorry ma’am, I just want to gain experience. I'm studying business online and I…

- I don’t care what you are doing, pathetic, online, you couldn’t even go to college like a normal person, you must be really dumb.

- I..I’m sorry, I don’t 

- Stop, come on, let me show you around before Bruce knows you are being a nuisance.

After that all went downhill, she’s still a bitch to me, I do all of her work and she just stays in her office planning her wedding or talking to her fiancé. Of course, my dad knows nothing about this, I don’t want to burden him with this nonsense, I can do it, so there’s no need, besides I don’t want to think about what Natasha would do if she knew I told the boss or if she finds out Bruce is my dad. 

Then I saw dad going out of his office with his face hardened, jaw clenched, looking really pissed, must have been a really bad meeting. 

- Y/N, can you come to my office for a moment please, my dad said.

- Of course, sir. 

I walked into the office, and my dad signaled to the chair for me to take a seat. 

- We have a problem monkey, he said showing me his last email, I started to read it and it was a person blackmailing dad to make public his secret relationship with someone younger than him. I was speechless. I've been Y/AGE years in this world and no one has ever seen us together or discovered anything. The only people who know are our inner circle, Alfred, Lucius, John, Gordon, Diana and Clark. My friends abandoned me a long time ago, things happen and not everybody is cut out to take care of people, it's okay, I understand them.

- I, how? Did you guys try to trace the IP address? 

- Yeah, it’s somewhere in Iceland, Lucius is still investigating but John and Gordon said they must have used a VPN. Haven’t you seen anyone following you or have you noticed something different at home?

Now, that was a tricky question, if I told dad about my adventure with James, things could get messy and he totally would blame him for this, there's no way James could have done it, I was with him pretty much the whole time and he only woke up to go to the bathroom. So, lying it is. 

- No dad, everything has been the same at home. You know I have no friends and I don’t like to go out. What do they ask for, money? 

- Yeah, I talked to the team and they think it’s wise to give them the money to track them down better or to shut them up. 

- Ok, that’s good, if you think this is the best option, I don’t see why not to do it. 

- I just wanted you to know monkey, I don’t want to see you stress about it, I’ll fix it, you don’t need to do anything just if you see something out of place or someone is follows you, let me know immediately. They didn’t send any pictures but said they had proof. So, I’m sending the money right now and we’ll see how this goes. The team wanted to wait, but I’m not going to risk exposing you, they didn’t ask for much, so it doesn’t really matter, you’re more important to me than $200,000.

- Ok, dad, don’t worry, I’m fine. If I see something weird, I will let you know. 

- Perfect, go back to work. How 's everything? Are you helping Natasha?

- Yes dad, she’s a great mentor. 

That was my cue to go back to my desk, my mind kept going over that email, I couldn’t honestly believe it after so much time and no one knew. Maybe it’s time to be open about it, we didn’t want to say anything because of me, but I’m fine now and I’m a grown woman, I’m going to talk to dad about it this weekend, see how it goes. The rest of the day passed like a blur, mainly because I was super busy doing Natasha’s work. She went to lunch with her accounting friends an hour ago, so I guess she won't come back. 

I came home mentally tired, of course, dad told me not to worry about the email, but that feeling of having someone watching your every move freaks me out. I was about to walk into my home when the door next to mine opened and there was James, looking quite rested and not hungover. 

- Hey Y/N, how was work? 

 - Umm, hi James, work was good, same ol’, how are you? god, can we skip the awkward intro, I want to go to bed. 

- I feel fantastic, I could rest and send a lot of job applications. Today was productive to say the least. 

- That’s great

- I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner with me as a thank you for everything you did except knocking me out with the frying pan. 

Did I hear James inviting me to dinner with him? Like a date? No, this can’t be a date, he’s a manwhore and he doesn't date and I’m…wait, I’ve been quiet a lot of time, Y/N get out of your head and say no, just two little letters N - O, and get on with your life.

 - Ha ha ha, would you ever let that go? I’m sorry, I’m a woman living by alone in a big city, you can’t be too sure. It's really not necessary, you would have done the same, we are neighbors. 

- Come on, just this time, please? 

- Okay, just for a while, because I need my beauty sleep. 

Honestly, I didn’t know what I was doing, for some reason I was attracted to him and not because of his looks, I have a big flaw, well, more than one, but the one that is clearly bigger is…I like fixing people, it’s like my thing, I never care if they are good to me or for me or not, I just see a lost soul and feel the need to take care of them and James was the living example of my need to do something for him, that’s why I accepted his offer to dinner.

BUCKY’S POV

She seemed reluctant to accept my offer for dinner, but it didn't take long to convince her to accept, earlier I sent the email to Wayne, Inc. asking for money in exchange for my silence about the relationship with Bruce and some Y/DESCRIPTION woman, obviously giving a really detailed description of Y/N, do I feel bad about it? Not really, I’m thinking about my mom and how much money I need to get to help her with her treatment.

She walks into my house shyly. I've never seen her outside of her home. I ordered two pizzas and pasta, then offered her a beer, but she politely declined, damn, I guess my plan of getting her a little drunk so she'll talk is out of the question. 

- So, the food must be here in a bit. Come, we can wait in the living room. 

- Okay. 

- So, how was work? 

- It was great, I mean it’s not work work, I’m an intern at Wayne, Inc. I'm getting experience for later. My boss is a nightmare, she’s not doing anything since I started working there, she just stays in her office planning her wedding and after lunch I never see her again, I don’t mind, I’m learning, but she’s really mean to me. 

- It sucks, I know how you feel about someone being a jerk to you without giving them a reason, most people are idiots. 

- I don’t think so, I mean she’s a bitch to me but maybe she has a reason, maybe she’s very stressed about her wedding, everyone has something going on you know, we can't judge a book by their cover.

Damn, she’s so naive, this is going to be easy. 

- You’re too good for this world, Rapunzel. 

- Rapunzel? 

- Yeah, that’s your nickname now, because you knocked me out with a frying pan, fitting, I can be your Eugene you know? I arch an eyebrow at her waiting for her answer or some kind of reaction. 

- Ha ha ha good joke James, I don’t need an Eugene, thank you. And you said you were looking for a job, how’s it going? 

- Well, no one answered yet, but I hope for the best, it’s just that…I run a hand over my face and make the saddest face I have, I am really sad and worried about it. My dad called me earlier, my mom is in the hospital and she needs a very expensive treatment. Yesterday I got fired and I sent my savings to my dad so I’m in desperate need of something. 

- James!!! You shouldn’t have invited me to dinner, you need the money. She grabbed something out of her backpack and said, here, take this for the pizzas, she handed me a $500 bill. 

- I can’t accept this Y/N, I owe you this, for being a lousy neighbor and for helping me earlier, I can’t take advantage of you, Rapunzel. I’m fine, everything will be fine, I know it. 

- No, James I insist, take it or I’ll leave it somewhere in your house when I leave. 

- Okay, okay. Thank you so much. 

- And how much does your mom need? She was falling right into the trap. 

- Umm, my dad told me the bill was 75,000 so far. But she’s still undergoing treatment and I think she needs surgery. I can’t go, you know, that’s the worst, because I’m going to spend a lot of money, I prefer to give that money to my dad and continue helping from here. I want my dad to quit one of his two jobs to take care of my mom and him; being in a hospital takes its toll on the patient and the family as well.

- You’re right James, it’s for the best. Maybe…Umm, I’m Bruce Wayne's personal assistant, maybe I can talk to him about giving you a job, what do you do? 

- No, definitely not, that’s doing too much, 

- Please James, I am just going to ask Mr. Wayne if he needs….?

- I am a programmer, I can hack anything, I can also do some engineering too. Her face lights up, something sparked her interest.

- Yes, we urgently need a programmer or hacker, someone capable, today we had a big problem. Don’t worry about work James, tomorrow’s my day off but I can call him first thing in the morning and I will let you know. 

I should have felt bad for this, but maybe by working on the inside I can cover my traces of the emails and at the same time earn more money for my mom and keep my lifestyle the way it is. 

We had dinner and get to know each other better, she's actually pretty nice and funny, a bit lonely though, she doesn't say it out loud but she feels lonely, the way she said to me that she only goes to work and come back to have dinner and read for a while, she didn't say it sad but her face said otherwise, she didn't mention the pole in her other room and I didn't ask either, maybe later and didn't mention what is her relationship with Bruce, she said Mr. Wayne was "her boss" but you don't have your boss's picture in your home, maybe she's just there to fool everyone. 

And then I heard a ring on my phone, a notification from the bank, $200,000 was deposited into my account, well, not mine, but the fake account. 

Y/N's POV

I said goodbye to Bucky after dinner, I needed my beauty sleep. I actually had a great time, I was sad about what happened with his mom, which reminded me that I needed to talk to my dad about the job offer. 

- Hi dad

- Hello monkey, is something wrong? Do you feel sick? 

- No dad, everything is perfect. I need a favor from you, well, it's not exactly a favor, we are going to get benefit from this 

- What is it monkey? 

- Umm… you know how you received an email today, well, I think we need a hacker capable of tracking this person and I know the guy for the job. 

- I don't like how chirpy you are about it, where is my daughter, you aren't her

- Come on dad, I'm serious. - Okay, okay, how's this amazing person who can solve our problems? 

- You know my neighbor, right? James, well, he's looking for a job and he's a computer genius who happened to be a hacker too. 

- Y/N, are you crazy? That deadbeat neighbor who only took your calm since he moved in. 

- Dad, he needs the job, his mom is sick and he can't go see her because he prefers to send the money to his dad than spend it on a plane ticket. His dad is working two jobs to save more money.

- ….. Y/N, you complain about him almost every day and now you want him to work with us? Are you aware of the risk and do you even know if he's a good worker? 

- I don't know dad, but I can take full responsibility for him, I can show him the ropes and check on him. If he can't be responsible, I will fire him, give me 2 months, please. 

- Sigh, okay monkey, I trust you. I want to talk to him anyway, tell him I want to see him the day after tomorrow at 9 o'clock in my office. I trust you with this. Just remember not everyone is worth saving.

- Thank you, dad, you won't regret this, I swear. Goodnight, I love you so much. 

- Goodnight monkey. Sweet dreams. 

I hung up and immediately went to knock on James's door. He answered shirtless and I was a little shocked to see how hot he looked, but I was so excited that I didn't care too much. 

- James, I have great news and I didn't want to wait to tell you. 

- What's up Rap?

- I talked to Mr. Wayne about the job and he told me that you meet him the day after tomorrow at 9 o'clock in his office to do an interview, it is standard procedure, you're basically hired. 

- OMG Y/N, are you serious?! 

- Yes, James, dead serious. 

- Thank you so much, you don't know how much I needed this. You're a lifesaver. 

- I'm going to be responsible for you, so please be there at 9 o'clock. 

- Don't worry about it, I'll be there. And please let me take you to lunch tomorrow, to celebrate and to thank you. 

- You know it's not necessary, but I know you won't take no for an answer so, okay. 

- Perfect, I'll pick you up at 2, is that alright? 

- Yeah James, goodnight. 

I don't know what came over me, I hugged him tight, he seemed a bit stiff at first but he hugged me back. His chest felt warm and he smelled so good I could stay like this forever, but I stopped the hug and kissed him goodbye on the cheek. I returned home happy, I can't wait for our lunch date tomorrow, wait, did I say date? This clearly isn't a date, just a celebration lunch, come on Y/N, stop thinking of him like that, nothing can happen. He's not that type of guy and you can't hurt him or you. I needed to sleep and with that I headed to my room. 

BUCKY'S POV

Y/N's so naive, she's starting to trust me, this is going better than I thought. I checked my bank account and saw the deposit. Damn, they didn't even think twice about giving me the money, they didn't even negotiate or something, they're totally hiding the relationship, and the job offer, just like that? She has him wrapped around his finger.

I immediately called the hospital where mom is being treated and gave my information to pay the bills. So, I called my father to tell him that I had already paid and to quit one of his 2 jobs to take care of him and mom. He told me that she didn't look well and that she was asking for me, I couldn't go, not yet, I'm going to start working for Wayne and even if I don't continue this charade, I need this job, I will not ask for leave on my first week of work. Maybe later, I do want to see mom. 

I went to bed thinking about my next steps with Y/N. 

Y/N'S POV

I got up at 11 am, ngl I was excited about having a no-date with James. I don't have friends, not anymore and this could be the start of a friendship or something else, I can't deny that James is ungodly attractive, now that I know him, he doesn't seem like a shitty person, maybe he needs someone who can guide him in the right direction. 

I showered and got dressed, something comfy. I really don't give a shit about looking sexy, I want to feel like myself. I was giving myself a pep talk when I heard a knock on the door. Must be James. 

I opened the door and saw James looking as handsome as ever, this man could wear a garbage bag as clothing and look sexy, life isn’t fair. 

-Hi Princess, ready to go? 

- You and your nicknames, I’m Y/N, James.

- What’s the fun of that? Let 's go.

He grabbed my hand and we started walking towards the lobby. My hand was embarrassingly sweaty, I don’t like people touching me, but I also don’t like confrontation either, so I don’t know how to tell him I don’t want to be touched. I was still thinking about that when I saw a hand wave in front of my face. 

- Hey princess, we’re here. I know, it isn’t fancy but I swear the food is to die for. 

- Don’t worry, I hate those expensive places where the plate is bigger than the food. I need a lot of food to be satisfied, not samples. 

- You're speaking my language princess.

We walked into the diner, and after ordering, we started talking asking each other basic questions to break the ice.

BUCKY'S POV

- So Princess, tell me a little about yourself. 

- Well, umm, there's really nothing interesting, I'm Y/Age years old, I moved out my dad's house a year ago, I was about to enter med school when something big happened to me, I was depressed for a year. Oh my god, I shouldn't have told you that, now you're going to think I'm a crazy girl who can't handle problems like a normal adult. 

- No, no, Princess, of course I would never think that, personally, I think mental health is really important, I don't know why it is stigmatized so much. So, you can trust me with ANYTHING. I punctuated anything to be more "real" about my intentions, not the real ones obviously. I'm doing the best I can for my mom and she's fine so far, I do feel bad about doing this. Maybe, I don't have to keep blackmailing them, she got me a job, I can help my mom with that salary. She seems honest, caring and intelligent, I see myself being with her. Wait. What? Bucky no, you can't think about a relationship right now. I was daydreaming and felt a pinch on my arm.

- Ouch! 

- I'm sorry for boring you, you were in a little daydream over there. 

- Sorry, sorry, I couldn't help to think about my mom you know? I took her hand in mine and squeezed it a little, to show her I was telling the truth. When I looked into her eyes, she was almost crying so I went to her side of the booth and hugged her really tight. 

- I'm sorry for ruining this James, we're supposed to be celebrating. I'm fine, thank you so much. By the way, how's your mom? if you don't mind me asking 

- She's better, there are no significant changes. But she's holding on. 

- That's good, very good, I wanted to talk to you about it actually. I know what it is like to be in the hospital and I want to help you and your family if you let me. 

- Help me how princess? You have already helped me with work, I can't think of another way you can help me. 

- I want to give you $150,000 for your mom's treatment. And after a week at Wayne, Inc. You can take a week off to go see your mom. 

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I couldn't take her money, I was already taking her money, well, not hers but Mr. Wayne's, same difference. But on the other hand, I could totally use it to pay rent and buy food and go see my mom. No, Bucky, you can't, she's trying to help while you're taking advantage of the situation. You're an asshole but now that you know her better there's something there that wants to stop everything and protect her at all costs.

- No way Y/N, I can't take your money. No, that's final. It's too much and you can use it for a trip or to buy a car, I don't know. No, I can't take it, I'm sorry. I already felt extremely guilty, this girl I talked to 4 times helped me while I was drunk, found me a job and now is giving me money because she wants to help my family. I'm an asshole, but I'm not that bad. It would be like being Steve and Nat, and she doesn't have to pay for my own issues.

- Please James, I want to give you this, if you don't want to do it for me, do it for your family. I have the money, I don't spend money on anything, just food and rent. I don't need it. 

- But you can totally start spending it on something else, I can help you with that. Let's do something, I will help you spend your money doing things YOU always wanted to do and if at the end of the month you still want to give me the money, I accept it without batting an eye. Deal? 

- You're crazy James. 

- Call me Bucky princess. My friends and family call me Bucky. 

- Bucky, what on earth is a Bucky? 

- It's from my middle name, Buchanan, my little sister couldn't pronounce it so she said Bucky and it stuck. 

- Okay, Bucky. I think you're crazy, but we have a deal if… you do something for me in return. 

- Oh, you're negotiating. What do you want me to do? 

- In that same month we're going to spend my money doing things I always wanted to do. I want you to stop being a jackass to every person who crosses your path. 

- I'm not a jackass!! 

- Bucky, remember we share a wall, a thin one, I hear you kicking your one night stands out and say really rude things to them. I'm surprised someone actually goes home with you.

- So, are you saying I can't have one-night stands for a month? 

 Good god, no, you do you, but you should treat them with respect. And you have to behave and be responsible in your new job. By behaving I mean no funny business with coworkers and definitely no fucking in closets or empty rooms. 

- Come on princess, what's the fun in that

- …… - Okay, okay, I promise to behave well for a month and you have to promise that we will do things that you have always wanted to do. Deal? 

- DEAL! 

We both knew it was a really bad idea, but we were there shaking hands and making the deal that would change our lives.

Taglist: @vicmc624​ @cjand10​​

#Bucky Barnes #james bucky barnes #buckybarnes #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky imagine #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x f!reader #Bucky Barnes x female reader

[alyjojo]

Love Reading 😍 - May 2023 - Aquarius

Singles:

Overall energy: 9 Swords

How you will meet: Ace of Wands

How they will treat you: Ace of Cups rev

Long-term Potential: 10 Swords

Oracle: You are no less than the fucking stars.

This was never anything and it isn’t going to be, 10 Swords, but boy are you obsessed with them. I mean they are on your mind 24/7, you can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t function without thinking of this person and wanting to get them into bed. Ace of Wands. Clearly a physical attraction, lust, you could meet them at work or school. You’re terrified you’re going to miss your shot, but you’re also terrified of saying anything, so you just live in your head, freaking out about 1000 different outcomes and what to do for each one so you aren’t crushed. But you’re kinda breaking your own heart 😕 They treat you as…not even feeling what you’re feeling. It’s unrequited, unfortunately, and not only that, I don’t think they’re even aware, and if they were they’d probably be shocked by the level of OBSESSION this has reached in your normally calm, cool, collected self. Lilith could play a role in this connection, because they make you crazy 😜 Fun crazy. Hopefully. This is coming out because you wonder if they feel the same, the answer is no. Long term is a painful wake up call when they end up with someone else. I’m sorry Aqua 🙏

Messages -

Their side:

- Outside advice

- STATUS 😎

Your side:

- Dark Desires 😈

- You confuse me.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Gemini 💯 and Scorpio…because of course it’s those two, they’re known for making people crazy

Couples:

Overall energy: Strength

Current: Ace of Cups

Challenge: 2 Swords rev

How they feel about you: 6 Wands

How you feel about them: Temperance

Outcome: 9 Wands

This is not a good relationship, I don’t know if you two are even together. Your person comes up as divorced, I assume that’s from someone else. You two aren’t even reading the same book, much less on the same page. The challenge is making the decision to leave, it’s something that’s been held back because you weigh back and forth whether it’s worth it. I don’t see growth here. Ace of Cups being where this is at currently, it’s possible, but there are a lot of disappointments, regrets, sadness and heavy burdens attached to this new beginning. Can it even be “new” again?

It goes from maybe could be good to not great at all, and it’s because you completely shut down with The Hermit. No communication, no anything, you’re holding back from this person because you’re thinking what I just said. Is this even fixable? You don’t seem to think so, but you didn’t nail the coffin shut either. They see you as successfully calling out their cruel games and bullshit, and then they see your silence as you doing a victory lap and celebrating getting one over on them, like it’s an ego trip or something like that, that’s their perception. You see them as waiting around on you…because you’re being silent. The arrogance between both of you is just. Not healthy. Which is something you’ve realized. Outcome for May is building up a wall against this person, because you just give up. Your Oracle indicates this person could tear you down a lot, or you do. If you’re already divorced from this person, you could be considering whether you’ve made a mistake, could it have been fixed, and the answer is no. Your messages pretty much cover it.

Messages -

Their side:

- Get Real 💯

- Divorced

Your side:

- I love our walks together.

- I can see RIGHT through you.

Oracles -

Behold! The field in which I grow my fucks. Lay thine eyes upon it, and see that it is BARREN.

Their side:

Animals are the most perfect of God’s creations and deserve your unconditional love.

Don’t worry about who loves you. Concentrate on the people you love.

Your side:

Put down on paper all the good qualities you have. You may be surprised by how wonderful you really are.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Libra, Sagittarius, Leo, Gemini & Pisces

#aquarius tarot reading #may 2023 #love reading #singles reading #couples reading #Aquarius #tarot #free readings #tarotblr

[bpbpskpskp]

what if i just.. gave up one day? what if i just stopped trying? things would get so much easier. but theres people who have expectations for me. im held on a higher pedestal. if i fall off my throne i’ll only be greeted by disgrace. if i just stopped what would happen? im scared to think about it. but everyone is scared of the unknown. we always assume the worst. what if things got better? there would be so much less pressure. the weight in my shoulders would finally start to life. what if, the moment i give up on holding the weight on my back, it’ll have been held up by rope the entire time? what if i didn’t need to shoulder that burden? i just want to stop. i can’t. i built a reputation and a house made of concrete, if i stop, it’ll all be for nothing. everything would be wasted. i don’t want to waste my parents love. i want them to have a reason to love me. i don’t want to be left behind. i don’t want to be forgotten. what if it’s better that way? what if everyone would be happier with me gone? what if im the thing that’s holding all of my friends back from their full potential? i have to be of use to make sure everything was worth it. if i don’t, they’re going to be so disappointed in me. i can’t handle disappointment. i can’t, i truly can’t. i don’t want to. i have to. im going to break under the weight of my own expectations. im going to crumble under the weight of a coin. i need to be better. i don’t want to burn out yet. im not a star yet. i can’t become a supernova if i was never super. im just 13. IM JUST 13. IM STILL A FUCKING CHILD. WHY CANT I UNDERSTAND THAT. WHY DOES NOBODY UNDERSTAND THAT. A CHULD SHOULDNT HAVE TO CARRY THIS BLAME AND BURDEN AND ALL THESE EXPECTATIONS. I DONT WANT TO DO THIS. I SHOULDNT WANT TO LEAVE YET. I SHOULD BE MAKING INAPPROPRIATE JOKES WITH MY FRIENDS AND LAUGHING AT THE STUPIDEST THINGS. I SHOULD BE HAPPY. I SHOULD HAVE FUN. ALL I HAVE IS BOUNCING AROUND FRIEND GROUPS. ALL I HAVE IS GROWING UP TOO FAST. I SHOULDNT BE CRYING MYSELF TO SLEEP EVERY OTHER DAY. I SHOULDNT BE LIKE ME. I SHOULDNT KNOW ABOIT MOST THINGS I DO, yet i still do. why? why is that? why am i growing so much faster than everyone else? i shouldn’t feel alienated. i shouldn’t feel left out. im supposed to have friends. im supposed to be caught up with my schoolwork. i should be diligent. i should be humorous. i should be bright. i shouldn’t have to repress my emotions. i shouldn’t have to be afraid of showing off. i shouldn’t be afraid of criticism. why am i like this? am i a monster of their own creation or mine? am i wrong? was i not supposed to be born? i was loved. i was cherished. i need to be better than this. i can’t be angry or sad. what’s there to cry about? my teachers are understanding, i hip friend groups because im friends with everyone, my parents love me, my siblings are normal. why am i weird? i was always the weird kid. what if i ruin my relationships by being me? i don’t want to be gone, but sometimes i want to disappear. i want to be gone, just to see if they would cry for me. i want to see if they actually cared or if they did it to make me feel better. i want to see their true colours. i want to know who i could have trusted. i wonder. i want to lose contact with people. i can’t. i want to.

[gaynerdcharlie]

day 365 post-treatment:

hi tiny gay and mentally ill people of the internet. today officially marks one year since I finished my in-patient treatment for my eating disorder. it really doesn’t feel like it’s been that long, probably because I figured I would be “cured” by now. I guess when they told me that this would be something that i am always going to live with they weren’t lying. I really thought i was going to be able to prove them wrong though, i mean it’s just food right? how hard could it be? I learned coping mechanisms, i’m seeing a therapist weekly, i have a great support system. why can’t i just wake up and be better? but i guess it turns out those things don’t just cure mental illness. turns out it’s not as easy as I thought it would be to stop being a burden to everyone around me. 

it also doesn't help that I spend a disgusting amount of my time on here scrolling through post after post of people acting like this thing I have to deal with every day is beautiful. acting like i should feel lucky to "have the willpower not to eat". like this shit is romantic, or i should be proud of myself for how fucked up my brain is. sometimes i think maybe i'd get better if i just got off here, but then i remember that the real world has it's own demons, and i'd much rather deal with virtual ones.

some things have gotten better though since i went in. most days i eat three meals, and i’ve started to gain some weight back. geoff says that i should be proud of myself for how far i have come in one year, and deep down i know he’s right, but that doesn’t mean i’m going to believe him. 

i know tori is proud of me too. she didn’t say anything, she never does, but she doesn’t have to. tori and tara are the two people who don’t need to say anything to show me how they feel. they are the two people who don’t draw attention to me. we can eat together without them watching me to make sure I finish at least ¾ of my plate, and i don’t feel like they are counting the number of times i chew my food before i finally find the will to swallow it. they make me feel normal, or as normal as i can feel as a gay mentally ill waste of space. 

i wish i could just feel completely normal. i think it would be nice to come home from school and eat a packet of crisps while texting my girlfriend or something (wow i can’t even type that with a straight face). i think if i was like that mum and dad wouldn’t look so tired all the time. i wish i could go out to dinner with my friends without catching them staring at my plate to make sure that i’m eating that day. it’s not their fault that they do it, it’s mine. they all care about me so much, and i’ve caused them way too much stress this year. 

but over these last two years, I’ve learned that wishing doesn't work. there is no second star to the right, pixie dust doesn’t exist, and i’ll never be whisked away by a peter pan, so really what’s the point? and while I might not be able to wish, i can accept. accept that i’m not normal, accept that there will be more disappointment to come, accept that i will probably never be cured, and accept that this pain is going to be here forever. 

So i guess on this one year anniversary i’ll get out of bed, get ready for school, and get through another day. really what else is there for me to do?

ps: remember mental illness is not beautiful or romantic.

sincerely, 

charlie x

[breathings-of-the-heart]

Stuck on You (Levi Ackerman x Childhood Friend! Reader)

A/N: Hi, guys! I just want to preface by saying that this is a TWO (maybe a three if i decide to write an epilogue drabble) PART SERIES, and I have just a few more scenes to write before I can post it! I don’t expect this one to do so well, to be honest, but it’s been so long since I’ve written anything I’m proud of and I think I’m happy with how this turned out. So yes, stay tuned for part 2 which i will link at the end once it is posted. Hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Angst, season one/no regrets ova spoilers

Word Count: 3.5k 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5 years ago

“Why is it that you always seem to be on my case the most?” Your frustration was obvious and your patience dissipated, feet shuffling in their spot as you finally turned to face him. “You never nag Isabel this much.”

For a moment, Levi didn’t respond, scanning your body for injuries. After asserting that you were indeed okay, he stepped over the unconscious man who laid on the ground, jaw set in anger as he walked forwards until he was so close you had to tilt your head slightly to keep eye contact.

Your snappy behavior was uncharacteristic. It only fueled his temper. The raven shook his head in disapproval, trying to keep his anger in check as you glared at him defiantly.

“Isabel doesn’t make such careless mistakes,” he pointed out coldly. “You almost got yourself hurt, (Y/N)! What would you have done if I hadn’t shown up to cover your ass?”

The both of you stood there in silence for several minutes, gazing at each other and listening to your uneven breathing. His face, unlike so many others, never really did reveal everything he was thinking. Feeling. You were dared to search for something else in his steady gaze besides disappointment, but for once, you could not tell what you saw. It was infuriating, humiliating, and hurtful.

“Sometimes I wonder if there’s even a brain inside your thick fucking skull.”

His harsh words didn’t normally cut you, but this time you flinched, looking away from Levi as all the fight drained out of you.


Wearing your jewelry out at night was a careless mistake, that you could admit. What was hard to swallow was the fact that you had just been mugged, and nearly assaulted, yet all Levi could do was find the time to scold you, not seeming to care at all if you were shaken up by what happened.  

It didn’t scare you that the other man’s hands found their way onto your skin. It didn’t scare you that something bad could have happened had Levi not knocked him out. You weren’t afraid of any of it; you were afraid that all the raven-haired man could see you for were your mistakes.

“So you think I’m a burden then?” you asked, choking up.

Your change in tone caught Levi’s attention. You suddenly looked smaller, and more vulnerable than the last time he looked at you. He sighed again, shaking his head softly. It took all your strength not to shy away from his fingers as they threaded through your hair, stopping on your shoulder and tugging you against him. You let Levi do it nonetheless, knowing this was his way of saying sorry; knowing this was his way of saying: “I’m tough on you because I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”  

You pressed your ear against his beating heart, letting the sound soothe you.

“No, brat. I don’t think that. Let’s just go home, and forget about it,” his voice was more gentle this time.

You sniffled and nodded, chest bursting as Levi placed a feather light kiss on the top of your head. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You never thought you’d miss the Underground. Especially when taking into consideration the miserable days after Levi, Isabel, and Farlan took that fateful deal, and were forced to leave you behind.  

Your feelings on the matter were conflicted, of course, but you were relieved and happy that the people who mattered most had such a big opportunity. They didn’t need to see you crying, nor hear about how scared you were to be by yourself. Each one deserved better than that, so you put on a brave face as they reassured you over and over that they’d come back. You beamed as brightly as you could, sending them off with words of encouragement as you continued fighting off the lingering feeling of dread as they left. 

You didn’t want to be a nuisance. Never wanted to be the reason they’d hold themselves back. 

Although he didn’t show it, Levi took it the hardest. He implored you to stay alive, in a scolding tone that he only ever used when he was worried. You could hold your own, but weren’t a fighter like the other three. The stern male had only ever been thankful of your gentle nature in the past, surprised to be cursing it now that he couldn’t protect you. But for him, you’d try your hardest, knowing that with a little faith and patience, you could be reunited in the future. 

The goodbye had been bittersweet, your lips slotting against his for the very first time. In a way, the way he kissed you seemed more like a promise than a farewell. His arms were wrapped around you all night, warmth lulling you to a sleep that otherwise, would never have been able to claim you. 

Parting afterwards the following morning became all the more difficult because of it.  

When Levi pulled a few strings with his newfound respected status and got the military to sponsor your citizenship, you were over the moon. Becoming a soldier was the last thing you expected out of your life, but wherever Levi and the others went, you would gladly follow. You felt at home again, throwing your arms around the man for the first time in months and giggling at the fact that while he accepted the gesture and patted your head awkwardly, his lack of affection never changed. 

But you were quickly learning that the ideological existence that lived right above your head was just an illusion. You came only to find your friends dead, and Levi more closed off to you than he’d ever been before. Up here, things were far from perfect, and as time went on, you instead yearned for the past if only to appreciate it better a second time around. And although things slowly got better, life was not yet finished throwing its hardships your way. 

The last person you had left slowly became out of reach, as time apart inevitably distanced the two of you and gave someone else the opportunity to fill that hole in his heart. 


Reality, you found, was much crueler under the blue of the sky.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You don’t have to deny it, Levi. I know you better than anyone. I see the way you look at her,” you whispered, wringing your hands together in a feeble attempt to rid of the painful churn in your stomach. “I see it because you used to look at me that way.” 


It was admirable, at least, the effort you put in to keep your voice even. But the silence that followed those broken words was pitiful. The silence made it even more difficult to meet the gaze of the man in front of you. Levi had every opportunity to deny the truth of your burning statement; to bring you back into his arms and reaffirm his love like he used to. Like he would if maybe things were different. 

You knew, he had no desire to do that now. Instead, the Captain’s eyes screwed shut and a light sigh escaped his perfect lips, the warmth of it tingling your skin. It was nostalgic, almost, being alone with Levi like this. His face was nearer to yours then it had been in months, enough so that you could make out every tiny detail. The irony of it seemed mocking: for once, you couldn’t bear to look at him. Not that you needed to, with every feature of his sure to forever haunt your memory. 

But now all you could see were the interactions they had. Your vision consisted of watching as their bond and understanding grew. It was created in such a short amount of time, but hardly unpredictable with the amount of time Levi and Petra spent together. Even if Levi himself had not realized it, for you, it was plain as day. You knew him better than anyone. Could see that there was no pain in Levi’s eyes when he looked at her. Afterall, unlike you, Petra wasn’t a painful reminder of the past.   

Despite his physical closeness, this was the most detached you’ve ever felt from the male. The space between you was strange and unfamiliar. Lonely and cold.

At your words, he exhaled through his nostrils. 


“I would never be unfaithful, (Y/N). I never have been,” he spoke firmly, in that certain tone of speaking only he could manage. “I promised I would never leave you.” 

A tear spilled down your cheek, despite your best brave face. It was too much to handle, even for a calloused girl like you. Because despite everything, Levi had always been there. It seemed scary to have life any other way. 

Said man took your hand gently, handling it like porcelain. It wasn’t until his skin touched yours that you realized your fingers were shaking, and your facade was crumbling. His gesture was another reminder of what once was. The familiarity of his skin a testament to all the time spent simply existing with one another.

How did it come to this?

“A lot has changed since then, it seems,” you laughed softly, for once pulling away from his touch. “I bet you can’t even look at me without thinking about those two, huh?” 

You never once thought it was his fault. Even if you told him that, you knew Levi would always take accountability. Knew he would blame himself for taking Isabel and Farlan away from you. You should have seen this coming. It was inevitable that your love would be tainted, and that he’d find it somewhere else, even if it was unintentional. 

“(Y/N), wait—“ there was a small panic that awoke in the raven’s steely eyes that only those who truly knew him would be able to detect. 


“—You know how I feel about you, don't you? I want to be the one who you'd wake up next to every morning. The person you'd trust enough to spill all your secrets to, the one you want to hold close, the one who would make it hurt too much to ever let go. I want to be the person who can make you smile, or laugh until you can't breathe. Your first and last thought of the day, and the one you wonder about even when they’re not around.” 

You swallowed a whimper, fists clenched at your sides as your restraint came undone. It was all you’d ever wanted since you were small and starving and Levi was all you had to hold onto.

"But more than anything I want you to be happy. You deserve it.”

And because that’s how much I love you.

“I’d spent the rest of my life with you, if you asked me to,” the stoic Captain stated, as simply and mindlessly as if reciting the weather. 

You knew it was true. You also knew better than to let your mind wander to that fantasy, or to let a world come into fruition in which you stopped Levi from pursuing his happiness; held back simply because his loyalty knew no bounds. You refused to be that selfish. You’d rather die a miserable death, a thousand times over. Rather endure this anguish for as long as it resided in your heart then watch his indifference turn to hatred as years of a one-sided relationship droned on and on.

He doesn’t want you anymore. 

“I know, Levi.” You paused for a long moment. “Petra's wonderful. I don't hate either of you, I want you to remember that." 

You wrapped your arms around yourself, trying desperately to forget the feeling of Levi’s lips on your skin, your face against his chest. The warmth between your ribs or the butterflies in your stomach, or the fireworks of passion that only he could make you feel. Tried to forget the rare but special, secret words of affirmation only your ears got to hear, and the goosebumps they’d send across your skin. 

You wanted to erase it all, if only to make it easier to walk away with the knowledge you’d never feel any of that again.  

It was pathetic. 

There wasn’t anything left to be said. So with the task near impossible, looked at your lover, your best friend, your rock, your Levi, and turned away.

You only managed three steps before a voice followed you and a hand closed around your wrist.

“Is this what you want?” He sounded apathetic, but you knew better. His underlying worry only made the pain feel worse. 

“I don’t know.” At the very least, you were honest.  

"Will I see you again?"  

As adaptable as he was, Levi was never a fan of the unconventionality that was “change.” He was never surprised, quick to go with the flow, even if he preferred certainty and steadiness. 

This conversation, though, was one he never expected. 

"Of course," you forced a tiny smile, knowing it was more convincing than it felt. "I just need a breather. I'll be back for dinner." The words tasted bitter in your mouth. 

That was the first and only lie you'd ever tell Levi Ackerman, having handed in your resignation papers to Erwin just yesterday.

Forgive me, Levi. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Snow fluttered down from the sky, coating the local shops and roofs of buildings with a thick, white blanket. Merchants and store owners alike grumbled their disapproval, bustling to sweep the front of their shops. The air was crisp and biting, yet you relished in the feeling and absorbed the atmosphere. Drunk garrison soldiers loitered around merrily, cheeks flushed from alcohol, catching the flakes in their hair and occasionally slipping on hidden ice in their drunken stupor. It made you chuckle softly, the residences of Wall Roses’ inconvenience the source of your contentment-- this was your first time seeing snow, the real thing a thousand times better than anything you read about in any book. 

You strolled through the marketplace, a basket holding bread, dried meats, cheese, and several fruits resting in the crook of your elbow. Your coin purse felt lighter than it had that morning, yet you carried on nonetheless, curious as to what Wall Rose had to offer. Children ran past you, throwing snowballs at each other and nearly running into you because of their haste. The sight made you grin as one of them bumped into one of the street market’s booths, knocking over a few items as he went. 

The woman behind the counter chastised them, her shouts growing louder when they barely spared her a glance and blended into the crowd of shoppers. Nick nacks and books were left scattered in their wake, askew on the cobblestone ground.

“Need help, ma’am?,” you asked her, picking up the objects from the ground. 

“Thank you, dearie,” she sighed gratefully, taking them from your hands. “Kids these days, so reckless and always in such a hurry.” 

You laughed airily, mirth swimming in your eyes. 

“You’re just lucky they didn’t steal anything,” you joked, reminiscing about your own thieving past. Your attention turned towards the noting the soldiers now dozing off on top of their card table nearby, tutting their behavior lightheartedly. “Levi, if only the police were like that back when we--” 

Out of habit, you turned around to meet his gaze, heart clenching when you remembered he wasn’t there. Your fists clenched to prevent you from smacking yourself at your carelessness. He’s not here, dumbass. 

“What was that, hun?” the woman behind the counter inquired, preoccupied in sorting her things. 

You put on your best smile, shaking your head before your thoughts could fill with images of a certain raven-haired, steele-eyed, heart-stopping male. The back of your eyes stung, the momentary joy of your first real winter quickly fading away.  

“Nothing important.” 

This is for the best, (Y/N). You’ve only ever gotten in the way, his whole life. Let the man be. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a few years since that last encounter with him. Part of you still wondered if Levi tried looking for you after realizing your true intentions of never coming back. You hoped he didn't, imagining instead that he'd made the most of the opportunity you'd given him. Prayed that it wasn't all for naught and he instead pursued what (or who) truly made him happy, instead of worrying about other people. In truth, you became content with life, learning to look back on memories fondly and being thankful for their existence. 

Residing above ground was enough reason to be grateful in itself, and you did your best to make the most of it. Your days were now spent in ways that paid tribute to your humble beginnings: individuals from the underground who managed to secure citizenship to the surface were put into your care. You helped men, women, and children alike assimilate into living on the surface, which included introducing the area, and assisting in finding housing and jobs. It was rewarding work, but more than anything, reminiscent to be able to see the wonder when their eyes meet the clouds for the very first time. The flickers of hope from your clients were things you carried with you every day. Your chosen profession left plenty of free time, however, as it was relatively rare for individuals to pay the hefty toll of climbing up those stairs. 

Your life was average, and for the most part, uneventful. The quietness that accompanied mediocrity proved to be comforting, however. It was a far cry from the days of constantly looking over your shoulder and needing to carry a knife in your boot, just in case.

At first, it was difficult not to cry at the thought of the stoic, raven-haired Ackerman. The heartache weighed down in your chest for a good amount of time. The simplest things reminded you of Levi, but after a while, instances where he’d cross your mind became fewer and further between. With a nicer home than anything you previously owned, a livable income, and an overall peaceful existence, you didn’t have any regrets. 

At least, that was what you told yourself until you heard the news. 

On off days you worked as a waitress at one of the many taverns within Wall Rose. Large tips were one of the many perks that drew you in originally. The chatter of the customers and frequent bar-goers was a welcome ambience, and an opportunity for you to combat the occasional feeling of loneliness. 

Occasionally, Scout Regiment gossip would filter through, especially about Humanity’s Strongest and the new titan shifter Eren Jeager. Updates were nice, knowing Levi was safe and thriving in what he did best. But as you placed a pint of beer on one of the tables and overheard a heavy set man babble loudly to his comrade, dread splashed over you in waves.

“The Captain was the only survivor in his squad. He wasn’t even with them when it happened, poor guy. He must feel terribly guilty.”     

Your vision became hazy as you tried not to panic; of all the rumours that filtered through the drunk mouths of customers, you had never heard bad news like this before. The last you’d heard, human kind was given a beacon of hope, and things were looking up after Eren Jaeger managed to plug up the hole in Trost. 

“Excuse me, but which squad did you say this happened to?” you heard your voice say. 


Across the table, the other man took a swig of his drink, and grunted indignantly. 

“Levi Squad, the best in the military I heard. A shame, but I suppose even the top in the Survey Corps are still just suicidal maniacs when it comes down to it.” 

No, no, no, no. This wasn’t supposed to happen!  

After that, everything became white noise. You could only register every third movement, heart thundering in your ears. The tray you’d been holding to carry the drinks clattered as it fell to the ground, causing a few gasps and strange looks to be thrown in your direction. In your horrified state, dread weighed down like lead in your body. You rushed to the back room, tears clouding your vision as you tried not to stumble. 

You gripped the edges of the washroom sink, dizzy with this newfound information.   

Levi has now lost more people that he loved, and was probably experiencing the same survivor’s guilt as he did with Isabel and Farlan. He was most likely suffering alone right now, never having been one to let people see his vulnerability so easily.

You did not witness first hand what your friends’ deaths meant to him. When the Captain waited for you at the top of the staircase, his expression never seemed out of the ordinary. Levi was kind enough to let you enjoy your first few days up with him simply enjoying the newfound freedom. He made the excuse that your two other comrades were out on business somewhere, and would be back to see you soon. Maybe, at the time, your excitement blinded you from the deeper emotions hidden in his voice. 

When you found out the truth, their passing broke you. The fact that Levi shouldered any blame, however, is what twisted the knife. He had been grieving by himself; feeling that pain without anyone to comfort him. He had to put on a brave face just to see you; secretly spending that last month alone, probably relaying over and over how he would break the news to you. 

Your remorse increased tenfold when it was him who held you, and him who put you back together, just like he had to for himself. And now he was by himself all over again.

I have to do something. 

Splashing water on your face, you straightened up and looked in the mirror, a sudden surge of guilt coursing through your veins.

You refused to let Levi be alone this time around, no matter how he might feel about you now.

~~~~~~~

Part Two!

#snk levi #levi #levi ackerman imagine #levi ackerman gif #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #AoT #attack on titan imagines #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk #snk fic #aot fic #levi x reader

[yuzukult]

Oh my gold! I really love your series From Home. This is actually one of my fav and I tend to reread it a lot. Thank you for sharing this wonderful masterpiece! And also, can I ask for a drabble from "From Home" where Jungkook will finally ask her to marry him- Thank you! 💖

— a from home drabble 03 title: donut rings word count: 1,322 prompt: when jungkook proposes. warnings: none! pg clean baby. some bad words tho. a/n: as requested!! i... sat on this for a while!! sorry. i got distracted and somehow it got lost in the depths of my other docs. :D hopefully this is good enough for you guys !! :D

“You’re doing it all wrong,” you snap, snatching the dough from Jungkook’s hand while rolling your eyes. “With those muscles, I thought you’d be better at kneading it harder.”

Jungkook smiles, a hearty laugh escaping from his chest as he shakes his head at your reaction. You’re still impatient, oftentimes shoving him out of the kitchen when he attempts to put effort in lending a hand, but you’re strict about him entering your “zone.” He’s doing his best though; he’s learned to make pasta (using the uncooked pasta from boxes in supermarket aisles and not freshly made dough that you prefer), and even cook rice in the rice cooker.

But spontaneously, he thought that teaching himself (or well, watching the Food Network show him) how to make homemade donuts from scratch would impress you. After all, just because you got the girl doesn’t mean you suddenly stop trying.

“I thought you weren’t going to be home until later,” he grins widely, cheeks and forehead smeared with flour, not to mention the dust that sprinkles across his apron and even onto his t-shirt underneath. “I wanted to surprise you.”

You scoff. “Surprise me with a messy kitchen?” Clicking your tongue, you nudge him to the side with your hip. “Sounds more like you’re asking me to get all pissy.”

Jungkook walks over from behind, snaking his arms around your frame while nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck. “I wanted to do something for you since you’ve been so swamped at work lately. Wouldn’t it be nice if you came home to your hot shot boyfriend making donuts?”

Sighing, you roll out the dough to be half an inch thick before reaching over for your donut cutter. “No. Especially when he’s doing it wrong. What’s the point of doing this if you’re just gonna fuck it up?”

Sometimes, your words can come off harsh. But Jungkook knows the love behind it, because there’s a lot of it and your actions are there to show it. The upgraded apartment the two of you share, to the furniture you bought together, and to those date nights that occur at least once a week, something you and him had collectively put a plentiful amount of into, Jungkook can confirm your love is real.

“Baby,” he calls you out warmly with that infatuated look on his face. “There’s obviously a learning curve. Gimme some time, will you?”

What really softens you is the way he still kisses your shoulder lovingly, disregarding your sharp tone because he can differentiate when you’re actually mad and when you’re just nagging. It slowly tugs a slight smile upon your lips, and the way the corner twitches signals Jungkook that he’s broken the barrier.

“How about we fry them together? That way you can see if I’m doing it wrong and correct me.”

“Fine.”

It’s a repeated and revisited lesson that Jungkook learns—home is not always physically a place, but sometimes and more often than not, is found in a person. A physical home is just a shelter, someplace where home is located.

And it’s you. You’re home.

He thinks about times he’s studied abroad, lived in Busan, at the estate, his old apartment and now here, how he’s lived in so many places but none of them felt like… this. This is what home is, and Jungkook would be an idiot to not tie it down while he can.

“Mingyu is engaged,” Jungkook casually mentions the name of a coworker he’s been spending a lot of time with lately while cautiously observing your reaction to the news. You don’t budge. “He’s been… waiting to propose for her for a while, and although she never stated the time, he figured he would guess and he did well… obviously.”

“Mmm,” you hum, unamused and not entirely listening. “Congrats to him.”

“Which brings the question—“

“When are we getting engaged?”

Jungkook freezes when you lift your head up to lock with his eyes, stunned at the boldness of your question. He was going to ease his way into the topic, but you’re faster than him.

Silent, he isn’t quite sure what to say. You’ve left him speechless, buffering like a YouTube video that refuses to load.

“Well?”

“I—“ he’s stuttering over his own words. “Well, yeah, I sorta wanted to know that.”

By now, there are a couple of donuts that have been fried and cooled, resting on top of a rack on the counter, and they’re starting to look tempting for reasons other than for eating. “Well, would you like to get married?”

He gives you that ‘you-know-the-answer’ look, but the expression you counter back with has him caving into defeat to give a straightforward answer. “Of course I want to marry you. You know I have—it’s never not crossed my mind. But I know how you are. You’re in no rush to do any of that, and that’s totally fine, I can wait—”

“Okay, let’s get married.”

Choking on his own saliva, it takes him a couple minutes to regain his breathing back to normal, but you continue to stand there, blinking blankly with metal tongs in hand as the donuts fry in a pool of oil in the pan. It’s a blunt way to execute a deeply important question like that, but coming from you, there doesn’t seem to be any stress or burden that carries with it that it normally does when people prepare to ask.

“What?”

“You want to get married. Let’s get married.”

“But you don’t want to get married.”

Grabbing a donut off the metal rack, you peek through the hole in the middle to glance at your awfully confused boyfriend, standing there in complete confusion at your unpredictable actions.

“Jeon Jungkook, you may think I don’t want to get married, and you’re sort of right. I don’t,” his shoulders drop at this revelation, admittingly disappointed by your confession, but you’re not done just yet. “But… I met you, and frankly, I still didn’t want to get married. When we started dating, I can’t exactly say that I felt like I was ready to get married, or the thought ever crossed my mind but… especially lately, I… I don’t know. It’s not like we have to get married but I like the idea of that for us.”

“So…” He chews on his bottom lip anxiously. “Does this mean…”

“Whenever you’re ready to get married, I’m ready.”

Face bright, Jungkook straightens himself in excitement. “Well, if you say it like that, it makes me wanna get married now.” Eyes skimming the room, nothing quite catches his eyes until he spots the donuts sitting on the rack. “How about…” Grabbing one, he peeks at you through the hole this time, taking your hand in his.

“My finger isn’t that big.”

“We can get the jewelers to readjust the size.”

A mischievous smile on his face, he can’t help but still push the donut onto your ring finger and hold it up into the light. “So, does this mean we can for real for real get married? I can call that jewelry store and set up an appointment. This… this is nice but… I wanna get you something better.”

Examining the donut that splits your fingers far apart in size, you can’t help but let out a laugh. “I guess that would be more appropriate and sustainable than a donut on my finger.”

“Well, you still look pretty nonetheless,” he says cheekily, holding your hand against his chest, just above his heart. “But you’re right. A donut would start molding.”

“Not to mention fall apart. It’s already crumbling because we’re moving so much.”

“Mm. Least our love isn’t crumbling.”

You scrunch up your nose. “Jungkook.”

With a kiss pressed to your palm, he smiles warmly into it. “I love you.”

And with a swollen, threatening to burst heart, Jungkook’s favorite phrase spills from your lips.

“Love you too.”

#jungkook #jungkook fanfic #bts #bts fanfic #jungkook drabble #jungkook x reader #gyukultfics

[thewritetofreespeech]

hello! can you write scenario for akashi, aomine, kise, and kagami where their s/o is jealous of all the attention they're getting from other girls?

awwww. adorbs! certainly ^_^ 🖤

Jealous S/O

Akashi

It’s not a surprise that he was popular.

Akashi was smart, handsome, rich. Great at academics, and sports, and the youngest student council president in the history of Rakuzan. You didn’t believe in people being perfect, but if ever someone was going to get close it would be Akashi. He really lived up to the ‘Emperor’ nickname.

And what was an Emperor without his court.

“What’s wrong [Y/N]?” You look up from the pavement as you walked to class to see Akashi staring at you. His gaze focused, but soft & concerned. “You seem distracted.”

“Oh…it’s nothing.” You tuck your hair behind your ear. Prepared to let this go. Of course, Akashi wouldn’t let it though. He continued to stare at you until you finally broke down and told him. “It’s just them.”

The red head turned to look where you had jutted your chin towards the girls, huddled behind one of the pillars in the court yard whispering & staring, and your boyfriend let out a sigh. “Ah yes. Them.” He doesn’t seem surprised by their presence. Nor their borderline stalking. You should have guessed that he knew they were there. “I just choose to ignore them. However, if they are making you uncomfortable, I can order them to stop.”

You shook your head. You didn’t want to cause trouble. And although it was annoying, you didn’t want to break another girl’s heart over their rejected feelings. “It’s not a big deal. It’s the burden of dating the ‘Emperor’ I guess.” His lips scrunch. Though the nickname stuck over time, you know he doesn’t actually care for that title. “I just feel a little bit like one of those women in a historical K-drama. You know, like someone is waiting in the wings to knock me off so they can take my place near the emperor.” Sometimes you kind of feel like I should start checking my lunch for poison or glass.

Akashi scoffed a little. Then leaned in to kiss your cheek. “That’s never going to happen.” He assured you. “My heart belongs to only you. And, if anyone were to hurt you, I’d gouge their eyes out.”

Perhaps it’s poor form to giggle at such a threat, but you do. He really was so protective of you. You really had no reason to be jealous, because no one was going to take Akashi away from you.

You continue on your way to class. The ‘court’ suspiciously hanging back more than usual after that day.

Aomine

The street ball court was a buzz as usual whenever Aomine played.

His ‘quick game’ with the challenges on the court had turned into a full basketball brawl that had lasted for hours. One-on-one after one after another.

Not that you minded. Watching Aomine play, and seeing him happy, was always thrilling. He always looked so cool when he played; giving his all, even against weaker players. You chuckle to yourself. He really was a terrible guy to take such joy in crushing people. But then what did that say about you when you were so turned on by it?

“That dark skin guy is so hot! Do you think he’s foreign?”

You turn away from the court to a gaggle of girls, some your age, some older, watching the game as well from the side lines. Some had noticed the game and come to watch. Others had come with their own boyfriends. You frown a little as they continue to whisper and gush over your boyfriend. Getting moodier by the second.

“Yo, what’s up?” You look up from glaring at the lines on the court; just in time to see Aomine place his ball he was holding in one hand against your head. “You look pissed. Are you not having fun?”

“Not really.” You confess, batting his hand away. You weren’t having fun now. He was talking to you, but those girls still couldn’t take their eyes off them. “Can we go now?”

“What?? But things are just getting started.” He lifted his shirt up as he whined to wipe the sweat from his brow and you could practically hear the siren like squeals from those thirsty ass bitches.

“I don’t like the crowd here.”

Aomine seemed to catch on, and looked to the side to see who was annoying you. You have to assume he expected to see some guy making you uncomfortable, based on his expression, but looked surprised when he saw it was just a bunch of girls; totally playing it off like they weren’t staring at him a moment ago. “What can I say babe? I can’t help it if girls think I’m super hot and junk.” His cockiness and smirk were not attractive at the moment.

You continue to pout, but just long enough for Aomine to lean in and give you a peck on said pout. “Let me kick this guys ass and then we can go. ‘Less you wanna stick around and make ‘em jealous back. We can do gross couple stuff until they get weirded out and leave.”

You chuckle again at the offer. Appreciating the gesture he was trying to make. “Go play your game and then we can go. If we’re going to do ‘gross couple stuff’, I’d rather do it in private where we can enjoy it.”

Aomine gave you a big grin, followed by a loud, “yes ma’m!”

Of course, he slaughtered the guy in the next game. Leaving him to sulk off back to his own girlfriend; who was indeed in the pack and not looking too happy about it. You both leave after that to finish your date. Aomine proud as a peacock for the rest of the afternoon from the ego boost.

Kise

It was hard, dating a model.

You knew of Kise’s profession before you started dating, of course, but you had no idea how hard it would be on your relationship.

Girls stopped him every chance they got to ask for his autograph, or gush over his new photobook. He of course was courteous and polite. Turning on that model charm. He always thanked them for their patronage of his work and they promised to always support him. It had been bad before, but ever since his game was televised this past season, it had grown into a circus. Not only was he the beautiful blonde-haired boy they all admired, but now he was also the super-hot jock they all drooled over. You could barely go out on a proper date anymore without being accosted by some female vying for his attention.

“[Y/N]-cchi, what’s wrong? You look upset.”

“This is ridiculous!” You told him, and you weren’t just talking about his huge sunglasses & stupid hat he was wearing to try and be ‘incognito’. It wasn’t working even a little bit, so now it was just doubly stupid. “Why can’t they leave you alone for 10 minutes?!”

“They’re my fans [Y/N]-cchi. I can’t disappoint them!”

“Right. Don’t disappoint them. Why don’t you hang out with them today then?” You mutter sullenly. Prepared to leave.

Kise seemed to realize what was going on, and just how upset you were, as he reached out to grab you hand. “I don’t want to hang out with them [Y/N].” You turn back around when he said your name like a real person. Not the cute little way he did it as part of his act. “I don’t want anyone else but you. They only like me because I’m handsome and a model.” Humble too, you think to yourself. “They don’t really care about me. You do! I don’t want to lose that. Please forgive me.”

He did genuinely look hurt, and you have to believe that he meant it. You sigh. It wasn’t totally Kise’s fault. “It’s alright Ryouta.” You tell him. He seemed to perk up a little at that. “If you could maybe not lay it on so thick for them in the future, I would appreciate it.”

“Of course [Y/N]-cchi!” He cheered with a beaming smile. Already back to his normal self. “I’d do anything for you!”

It doesn’t stop of course. But Kise kept true to his word and politely asked to be left in peace. Most respected that. Some weren’t as understanding of his needs. You just appreciated that he was trying to keep them at bay. Fangirls were weird.

Kagami

After practice, you and Kagami went to Maji Burger, as per usual. And, as per usual, people were staring at your table.

Most of the time they were staring at the loud, tall teen scarfing down his body weight in hamburgers. Amazed at his own personal eating contest. However, more recently, the people staring were girls from your school who had also come here. And they were staring at Kagami only.

He was completely oblivious to it, but Kagami was actually really popular; even before Serin started wining so much. He was tall, athletic, built. He’d come from America, which was so cool for a lot of the students around here. Plus, he had this whole ‘bad boy basketball star’ vibe going. If they only knew how much of a sweet heart he really was. Actually, scratch that. If they knew that would only make it worse.

“Hey, what’s up [Y/N]? You’re not eating. Do you not like your food?”

You look up from your own, normal portion on the tray, then back down as you play with your food. “It’s just hard to eat when people are staring.”

Kagami blinked. Then looked around to see what you were talking about. “I don’t see anybody.”

“Of course you don’t….” You mutter under your breath. He never did.

“What does it matter?” He asked. “It’s not like I can stop people from looking at me. They have eyeballs. It’s a free country.”

“That’s not the point Kagami. It’s not that they’re looking at you. It’s the fact that they’re looking at you.” You’re trying to be discrete here, but subtle or discretion never really got through to Kagami. “They wanna fuck you.”

Kagami choked on his burger halfway devoured in his mouth. “Don’t say that!” He scolded you. Once he’d recovered from his near-death experience.

“Well, it’s true. Maybe that’s a bit much, but they definitely look at you that way, and it’s annoying.”

“How can you even tell?”

“Because it’s how I look at you.” You muttered under our breath again. Fidgeting with our soda straw to avoid eye contact.

Kagami heard you again though and now you were both blushing in the booth. “Well…the only one I’m interested in looking at me that way is you.” He muttered back. “The only one I’m interested in looking at that way is you.” His leg moved forward under the table to touch yours. Simple, secret, intimate.

You smile softly as you realize it was stupid to be jealous. Kagami had no guile. He was honest to a fault, which was another of his amazing qualities. He genuinely didn’t see those other girls because he was only focused on you. So let them stare. There was no way they were going to take him away from you.

#;ask and ye shall receive (request answers) #;behind the veil (anon response) #kuroko no basket #kuroko no basket scenarios #kuroko no basket imagines #imagines #scenarios #seijuro akashi #aomine daiki #kise ryouta #kagami taiga #kagami taiga x reader #knb kagami taiga #knb aomine #knb aomine daiki #aomine daiki x reader #knb kise #kise ryota x reader #akashi seijuurou x reader #knb akashi #knb imagines #knb scenarios

[weareallstoriesintheend]

Heavy (Charlie Barber x Reader)

Summary: I don't really have a summary for this. It just needed to be written - have some mental health comfort with Charlie.

I haven't proof read this so apologies for any mistakes.

Warnings: Mental Health

Word Count: 1,795

Everything felt heavy.

This was new.

It was like everything felt too much to handle. So instead of standing up, finding a way through – a normal practice for you – you retreated. You retreated much further back than you had in a long time. This wasn’t fast; it was a slow process of watching everything fall apart around and within you. Nothing felt right anymore and it bugged you. It bugged you that you didn’t feel worthy of trying anymore, people around you reminded you that you were but when you were left alone for even a minute life felt like nothing. Everything felt simultaneously blank and all too much.

Whenever you felt like this you were reminded of a quote you read once, by F. Scott Fitzgerald, which had just stuck in your mind. “The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.” You didn’t even know it was a real quote but nothing had ever resonated with you quite like this.

Today was dark. Today felt like giving up. So you sat alone at home, no lights on inside but just watching the day slowly disappear with the light outside. Your laptop light illuminated your face in the dying light and although it hurt your eyes it was something to numb your mind. Movement felt almost impossible so even as your stomach growled at you for food you just patiently shushed it and carried on the mindless tasks you could do from exactly where you were in bed.

Then you heard a key in the lock and the quiet push open of the door. You’d expected it honestly. You’d waited for the sound of his spare key in the lock for a couple of days, he was a busy man so you put no time frame on this expectancy but you knew him. You knew how his mind would buzz with worry as you slowly slipped away from him but you didn’t have the energy or the words to say anything. To you it felt easier, but to him it would feel like the world was ending. You waited for the second pair of smaller footsteps. Sometimes he’d bring his son Henry with him in the hopes that his incessant youthful energy would spur you up out of bed. Sometimes it worked and sometimes he’d frantically place Henry in front of the TV to keep him from seeing Dads girlfriend, and his favourite new person/babysitter, in such a state. This time they never came and you breathed a slight sigh of relief.

Out of the corner of your eye you saw his wide frame occupy the doorway, leaning casually and eyes scanning you and your surroundings.

“You should have called” his deep tone cut through the silence and you internally flinched. The silence was comforting; you didn’t have to answer to the silence.

“I don’t know where my phone is”

You saw him reach into his pocket, still not having made eye contact with him yet, and type something into his phone. In the distance you heard a ringing; he swiftly followed it and returned a moment later with the ringing phone.

“It’s barely got any charge. Where is the charger honey?” he asked, so gentle.

You pointed to the corner of the room where you always get the charger plugged into the wall. He padded over, you noticed he’d kicked off his shoes, and stooped to plug in your phone with the joints of his knees quietly clicking as they bent. The looming frame was now crowding your peripheral vision at the end of the bed.

“That doesn’t change the fact that you should have called” he said, you could hear that he was bordering on slight agitation. Charlie was a patient man, being a father had made him such, but with you he often caught himself gritting his teeth when things got this bad. You knew you were unreasonable and childish but you didn’t have the space in your mind to be anything else. You knew these changes in mood were constant lately and you expectantly waited for the day that agitation turned into dropping off his spare key and never coming back.

You saw him turn, as his back was to you now you lifted your eyes to see him. He was dressed casually, your favourite red jumper of his hugging the broad curve of his shoulders. He was always so well put together.

He reached for the curtains…

“Please don’t” you raised your voice just a little. His hands paused and he turned to you. You heard him huff a breath out and he lifted his hands to rest at his hips. “How was work?” He asked plainly. You shrugged “It was fine”, thankfully right now your job was mostly sitting aimlessly staring at a laptop screen. This was something you comfortably did from bed most days.

“Did you eat today?”

You shook your head. With that he stepped a little closer and you resisted the urge to look at him, the stare of his soft golden brown eyes felt too much. Despite his restlessness for your moods he regarded you with such care and attention. The gentle loving tone of his voice made your chest ache.

“When did you shower last?”

Shrug

“Did you call your mom?”, when you shook your head at this question he audibly tutted. You flinched but hoped the room was dark enough that he didn’t see it.

“You know you need to tell me when things get this bad right? Am I still driving you to therapy tomorrow?”

“I cancelled the appointment” You muttered.

This time he raised his voice and said your name in a tone that sounded nothing short of a parent talking to a child. For some reason it brought you an ounce of comfort.

“I know okay!” you said, the volume of your own voice rising this time. Your mind felt crowded, like someone had filled it with cotton wool and then tied heavy weights to your brain. “I can’t Charlie, okay? I get that I disappoint you when I don’t do what you tell me and then I’m a fucking burden to you because you have to come over here but I just can’t!” your body was shaking and tears poured from your eyes as you frantically tried to brush them away with the pads of your fingers.

He sighed and bent down, elbows resting on the bed, so that he was in your eyeline, “You don’t disappoint me sweetheart and you certainly aren’t a burden; I just care and want you to try”

“I do try!” you shouted; now you looked at him dead in the eyes. His expression instantly changed when he saw your face, crumpled and weary, “Sweetheart, I know you d-“

“- I do try Charlie, but I just can’t. I don’t want to have to try all the time. I don’t want to have to fight all the time. I don’t want to do this!” you gestured wildly around you, signalling the mess of things around you that was a necessity when simple functioning was hard. You sobbed, dropping your face into your hands and letting everything you’d held back all day go.

You tried not to cry anymore, it hurt your eyes and gave you a headache so you stored it. You held it in in the hopes it would go away. But right now with Charlie’s kind eyes on you there was nothing to hold it back. No silence, no peace, just him.

He instantly got to his feet and picked your laptop up from your lap placing it somewhere. He shushed you with a hand through your hair and shuffled you forward with the gentlest tug he could, you looked up to see what he was doing and saw him awkwardly crouching on the bed beside you before he slid in behind you. You tried to speak but his motions distracted you.

Charlie slid himself behind you, his back to the cushions and his legs either side of your hips. Suddenly you were submerged in him, the warmth of his body and the gentle wave of his cologne.

He grabbed your waist and pulled your back flush against his chest. A strong arm wrapped itself around your middle and then the other wrapped a muscular forearm around your chest. You instantly wrapped your fingers around it and held him closer. He placed gentle kisses into your hair and coo’d soft words into your neck until your sobbing had subsided slightly.

You sat, fingers wrapped around his forearm staring blankly at the space in front of you sniffling away your tears. Everything felt numb. But the press of his lips against your skin and the beating of his heart against your back brought you down, lowered your own racing heart and stilled your breath just a little.

“I should have called” you croaked. He placed a firm kiss to your shoulder and said “I know, but I’m here now. I promise I’m not going anywhere”

“But what about Henry?”

“I’ll take care of it” he said, shushing you as you tried to spin in his arms and he whispered your name, “Let me take care of you…” and then even more quietly he added “… Let me love you”

You shook your head “I don’t know how”

“Then let me show you. You are worthy of so much more than a dark empty room and a brain filled with lies”

You nodded and sniffed as more tears began flooding your vision. He pulled you impossibly closer to him, his voice soft and nurturing in your ear.

“I want to help but you have to let me. I will be here for as long as you want me, for as long as you need. But you can’t shut me out again okay?”

You nodded again and tried to speak, the second you opened your mouth no words but a cry was all the sound you made.

“Right, first things first…” his voice trailed off as your body moved, he was leaning down to the bottom drawer of your bedside cabinet. You clung to his forearm as he shuffled around. He plopped a protein bar from your emergency depression snack stash into your lap.

“Eat” he ordered voice stern and you knew not to argue with that tone. The Dad Tone. Your hands shook as you unwrapped the top of the bar and took a tentative bite.

“I don’t deserve you” you whispered, hiccuping through your tears and slow bites.

“Nonsense” he tutted “You deserve the world and I will always try my best to give it to you”

#charlie barber #marriage story #charlie barber x reader #charlie barber x you

[mingoyeob-archive]

omg hey, if not done yet, can we please have 51 + jk? also take your time for part 3, no need to rush and stress about it, you're an amazing writer and good work always takes time 💜

under the oak tree drabble game ⚔️🌳 to make up for my delayed release of part 3 of under the oak tree i’ve decided to do a drabble game!

omg thank you for being so kind 🥲 I wanna end under the oak tree in a good way so I've just been pushing it off until I come up with something thats not a complete disappointment?? but I'm hoping these drabbles give you guys more time to enjoy the characters! hope you like it :)

51. “I can’t help the fact that I’m so goddamn moody all the freaking time” | jjk x reader ft yoongi | word count: 2k

The castle was eerily quiet.

Most days it would be loud with the sound of footsteps and the banging of mugs hitting wood tables followed by the clanking of cutlery. However today, no one seemed to want to make a peep; they were as quiet as a mouse. Unlike everyone else who found the lack of noise peculiar, Yoongi enjoyed it - reveled in it, flourished in it even. Nothing made him happier than being able to sit and enjoy his daily morning, afternoon and evening naps and it made studying all the damn protection spells Jungkook wanted for the castle a hell of a lot easier. But there was one thing that threatened his new paradise, a looming cloud over his glorious fantasy, the grey cloud that he called Jeon Jungkook.

Now Jungkook was never one to be in an especially chipper mood, at least not around most people that is (you on the other hand, seemed to be a completely different story). Yoongi distinctly remembers seeing baby pictures of the lad when he was just a baby with a scowl etched permanently on his face under bushy dark brows. He often found it comical. Here was this lumbering idiot, with a silver spoon practically being shoved in his mouth, the glorious savior of the kingdom, but he was walking around as if his favorite horse had died (which it hadn’t, he checked). It was really starting to get on his nerves.

“Kid, you’ve gotta stop scaring the men. I swore I saw one of them shit themselves the other day.” Yoongi said from beside Jungkook. Currently they sat side by side in the great hall, feasting on bowls of hearty beef stew, the kind with giant chunks of meat and half haphazardly chopped vegetables covered in a thick and glorious gravy. Hmm my favorite Yoongi hummed to himself, eyes slipping shut as he drank up the delicious broth with a loud slurping sound. His spoon made a loud clanging sound against his bowl when he dropped it back down, wiping his mouth to shift his gaze back over to the scowling man to his left. “You know if I were you I would be jumping for joy. You’re filthy fucking rich, whats to be sad about huh?”

Jungkook didn’t even let out his usual grunt in response, opting to continue swirling his spoon around in his stew while glaring down at it as if it had wronged him in some way. But the sudden sound of one the knights from across the hall laughing had him snapping his head up to send a growl over to the group of men which had them instantly silencing themselves, ducking down to continue silently eating their food. Yoongi watched the exchange with amusement, “Yeah you definitely need to get laid.”

Jungkook raised his hand to swing at him to which Yoongi merely stopped with a spell, not even bothering to look at him while he took another spoonful of his food. He knew Jungkook would never try to purposefully hurt him if he knew Yoongi couldn’t protect himself, so this was just considered normal playful banter between the two men. “That’s enough, Yoongi.” He mumbled angrily, dropping his fist to bang against the table. The noise gained the attention of everyone in the dining hall, but none of them dared to turn their heads to look at the commotion, afraid the Duke would redirect his anger towards them. “I can’t help the fact that I’m so goddamn moody all the freaking time.”

“Yeah yeah yeah, you know, that's what tends to happen when you don’t get any for a while.” Yoongi sighed and leaned his hand against his hand, gazing pitifully at Jungkook. He noticed the slight twinge of confusion on Jungkooks face and decided to reiterate himself, “It’s called blue balls idiot.”

Jungkook nearly choked on his spit. Yoongi was never one to mince words and this time was no different, but still his blunt words caught him off guard. “Would you keep it down!” Jungkook seethed, whipping his head around to see if anyone had overheard the topic of their conversation. It’s not like he was scared of anyone mocking him (everyone knew better than that) but still, he didn’t need the whole castle knowing that him and his wife still hadn’t had sex yet since he’d been back.

Yes, you heard him correctly. Jungkook had been back for almost three months and you and him still hadn’t even so much as touched each other intimately. Sure they had a few passionate kisses and lust filled embraces here and there which had left your neck bruised with hickies, but outside of that, neither of you had even dared roaming a hand south of the border. He didn’t know why he hadn’t tried it, perhaps it was because he wanted to make sure you were ready this time, instead of forcing himself on you like last time. He wanted to be positive that you enjoyed yourself as much as he did, wanted to bring you to new heights that made you absolutely euphoric. But until you were comfortable with him enough to let him do so, he would stick to his hand and the dirty images that he had conjured up in his head.

“I know what blue balls are, Yoongi. But I’m perfectly fine with how mine and y/n’s relationship is going.” he mumbled, glaring at the sorcerer. “And I don’t need you meddling in my love life so why don’t you just go and frolic with that stable boy like you do and leave me be.”

Yoongi let out a noise of disagreement, throwing his hands up in annoyance, “How many times do I have to tell you, me and hoseok are not frolicking or whatever the hell you’re into-” Jungkooks foot kicked his leg under the table causing him to let out a hiss but nonetheless he continued, “You can’t keep waiting for her to make the first move. Y/n is a lady and a lady from Aster at that. Those chicks never make the first move.”

Jungkook grumbled and pushed his bowl away from him then sipped at his ale in contemplation. Perhaps Yoongi was right, maybe it was time for him to make the first move. “But how can I make sure she’s ready? What if I fuck up like last time?” he questioned, not bothering to hide the genuine concern in his voice.

The sorcerer just sighed, patting Jungkook on the shoulder, “Trust me, kid. If you fucked up, she wouldn’t still be here. And judging by the noises I heard last time, I’m pretty sure she enjoyed herself.” yoongi shuddered. No more late night walks through the hall he promised himself. “Just try to do something nice for her this time. Don’t just throw her around, take it easy. Try and lighten the mood, understand?”

Jungkook was quiet for a second, the gears turning in his head. When he finally seemed to come to a conclusion, he grunted and nodded his head. The corner of Yoongi's lips tilted up in a satisfied smile and he clapped the man on the shoulder, “Thatta boy!”

Immediately after dinner, Jungkook went to the kitchen to request the finest meats, cheeses and artfully crafted desserts they had along with the sweetest wine the chef could find. The kitchen staff were practically shaken in their boots when the Duke had first walked into the room, afraid they had done something to mess up his dinner. But when they saw how shy yet dedicated the man seemed to be (despite how much he had tried to hide it) they were more than happy to help him, promising him that they would do their best. Jungkook gave them a monotonous thanks and had practically run out the room, up the steps and to the bed chamber. He had a lot to do in a short amount of time.

“I am pooped!” You groaned, complaining to Seokjin about how much work you had done today while walking through the hard stone halls of the castle. You had spent most of today working in the library, learning and going over the finances with Seokjin so you could finally start taking on more of your ‘wifely duties’ and relieving him of some of the burden. “I’m still not sure how the conversion from pences to shillings works. Or is it shillings to pences? Ah, oh well.”

Seokjin merely rolled his eyes as he walked beside you, hands clasped behind his back in his usual gentlemanly fashion. “Yes my lady you did work very hard today. I do believe it is time for you to get a good night's rest so we can start again in the morning.” You whined at his words, stopping as you finally reached the door of your bed chambers. Seokjn just let out a small chuckle at your over the top theatrics, “Have a goodnight Y/n.”

You had returned his well wishes, sending him a beaming smile and wave as he walked back down the hallway. Once he was out of sight you turned back towards the door hand reaching out to grasp the knob. But before you got a chance to even touch the brass door handle, the mahogany swung open in front of you, your tall husband's looming figure instantly coming into sight. “Oh hello!” you greeted, surprised by the fact that he seemed to be waiting for your arrival.

Jungkook just stared at you, is he blushing? You asked yourself. The man didn’t say anything, just stepped out of the way and gestured for you to enter. You thought the whole exchange was weird and cautiously stepped around him, not expecting the sight that awaited you.

You let out a gasp, hand flying up to cover your mouth in shock as you surveyed the room. Almost every inch of the place was covered in the most beautiful and fragrant rose petals, the room lit up from the fireplace he had going across the room. Delicious food and desserts covered the tables so much of it that you had no idea how he expected you to finish it all. “Jungkook, what is all this?” you said, whipping around to look at him as he continued to stand by the entrance, stiff as a board.

He ducked his head, hands coming up to fidget as he nervously looked around the room. “Do you like it?” he asked, finally daring to meet your gaze. “I had Yoongi help me. He said you might like all this...or whatever.”

Your irises were practically lit up with admiration, eyes shining with pure undulated joy. You couldn’t believe he had done all of this for you. “Of course I like it! I mean- I love it! But what did I do to deserve this?”

Jungkook just furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, finally crossing the room to cradle your cheek and stare into your eyes affectionately. “What do you mean deserve this? I love you, y/n. I would give you the whole world if I could.”

His words had your eyes tearing up and you brought a hand up to gently hold the one he had placed on your cheek. Your head turned, placing a peck against the calloused skin of his palm as you returned his gaze, letting your eyes show just how thankful you were. “Jungkook...I love you too.” you whispered, watching as his face seemed to light up with your confession.

The rest of the night was spent dining on the luxurious food the kitchen had prepared, mouths full as you whispered sweet nothings to each other and spilled all of your darkest secrets and happiest moments. And despite the fact that the two of you still hadn’t managed to find your way to the bed or explored the rest of each other's bodies that had laid untouched by one another for quite some time, Jungkook couldn’t find himself to care. He was happy enough to be here at this moment, with you.

Blue balls be damned

#drabble game #jungkook drabble #bts drabble #jungkook x reader #jungkook fluff #bts fluff #bts x reader

[xpeachesncream]

off the grid | three

summary: it was as simple as swapping places with a stranger from across the world to get away from everything back home. that is - until you meet Jimin. things become more complicated as he unfolds a new chapter in your life that you were initially trying to avoid.

pairing: reader x pjm

genre: post-college au, christmas/holiday au | angst, fluff, smut (to come)

words: 2.4k

chapter warnings: cussing / mature language, definitely inaccurate depiction of transportation, events and whereabouts in South Korea since i only did my research thru the internet, jimin continues to be cute as fuck for being such an angel

> series masterlist <

"Jimin!" You whined as he had hurriedly grabbed the check from the waitress and politely shoved it back in her hand with his card.

"I just wanted you to enjoy your lunch." He laughed at your pouty face - brows furrowed, lips poking out.

"That doesn't mean I can't pay for my own food."

"Can you relax? It's fine. If anything, you can just get me when we grab dessert later."

"Sure, if you don't beat me to it again."

"Maybe it's your reflexes."

"Wow, I'm a little appalled at that statement. Already judging me?"

"Never that, just being honest." He smiled. "Okay, I'm joking. Don't kill me." He laughed as he stood up and gathered his stuff. You two were spending some time going around Insa-Dong before heading to a park near the N Seoul Tower later tonight to chill.

Besides beaming with kindness, Jimin was patient. He let you walk around wherever, doing whatever, without complaining. He was also very smart, giving the inside scoop with the added bonus of tips and tricks and reciting historical facts when the perfect opportunity arose. He made fun of you for buying small, cute souvenirs because it seemed like a never ending collection, but nonetheless, he really enjoyed how happy you looked. How you glowed. How down to earth and laid back you were. Even though it hadn't been long since you met, you weren't reserved and you took him in (as he was) with ease. He was normally a shy person, but he appreciated the warmth that radiated from you. He felt comfortable, almost like you both had known each other for years.

"Come on, Y/N." He laughed. "Really? How many more pins and stickers do you need?"

"Jimin, you need to lower your voice." You joked.

"I'm sorry." He began to raise his voice, causing others to turn towards you two. "HOW MANY MORE PINS-"

"Oh my god, okay! Stop! I'll drop it!" He laughed and prevented you from dropping your items down.

"I'm just playing. I'll stop." It hit you that his hand still lingered on yours, so you quickly drop it down before shyly tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

"I promise this is it." You shrugged. "For now." You kept smirking at him over your shoulder before you happily walked over to the counter. After slipping the small shopping bag into your bigger shopping bag, you met Jimin outside of the shop who had been taking pictures of the street with his polaroid camera. "Do you always do this?"

"Take pictures? Yeah, I like holding onto the memories, as cliché as that sounds. They really do hold a lot of meaning for me."

"No, I think that's pretty cool."

"Do you mind?" He slightly rose his camera towards you.

"If you take pictures of me?" He nodded silently. "No, I don't."

"Thanks. It'll add a nice touch to my collection." He quickly snapped a picture of you smiling.

The two of you continued to walk around, with Jimin making sure you didn't miss anything significant. He led the way majority of the time, dancing when he would hear music playing on the street, mimicking ads posted on the walls or simply taking more pictures. When you both had your fill of the area, he drove to a nearby bbq restaurant where you could get some jajangmyeon, samgyeopsal and other entrees ready made for takeout before grabbing dessert on the way to the park. You held onto the food while he grabbed a blanket from the trunk of his car and laid it on the grass so you two could dig in and eat.

"That's a nice ass view." You said, staring at the tower up ahead.

"I could take you up there another day. There isn't much, but the view at the tower is amazing."

"I bet."

"So, what made you want to come to here?" All this time you had been spending with Jimin had been occupied by all the plans that you hadn't been able to really talk about this. You hadn't been able to divulge about the dirty details of all things home.

"I really just wanted a break from the chaos." You shrugged.

"Mmm, really painting a great picture of Los Angeles right now." He said sarcastically before he covered his mouth to laugh.

"Sorry, it's a great place, really. I honestly can't see myself anywhere else." You sighed. "I just.. felt myself slipping, you know? I was getting lost in all the work I had to get done, all the projects on my plate. At one point I felt so stuck that I really questioned if I belonged. I'm turning 26 soon and I still feel lost."

"Impostor syndrome?"

"Yes, that."

"Why? You made it that far, haven't you? May I ask what you do back home?"

"I work in translational science." His eyes widened.

"Wow, that's amazing. You came this far, Y/N. Why would you doubt yourself like that?"

"I guess I just always feel like I need to prove myself to everyone around me."

"In work or in general?"

"It was starting to feel like I had to prove myself in general."

"That's not fair. I know it's easier said than done, but you shouldn't do that to yourself. From what I can tell, you're a great person who's down to earth and enjoys life as it comes. There's nothing wrong with that. You're where you're at for a reason. I'm sure your friends and parents are really proud of you."

"Thanks." You smiled softly. "Yeah, my parents are pretty great."

"Yeah? See, that's good. What are your parents like?"

"Well, my dad is the executive director of another lab, while my mom is a pediatric nurse."

"So, science and healthcare revolves around your family."

"Pretty much. My dad is the reason why I got so interested in pursuing a career in science. He would always teach me things growing up and I always enjoyed going to science museums with him. That's all I wanted to do."

"That's cute." He smiled. "You're really close to your parents, then."

"Yeah, I am."

"Do they know you're here?" You nodded.

"Yeah. They were just sad I didn't join them on their Europe holiday trip."

"What?! You turned that down to come here? You're something else." You laughed and tossed a crumpled napkin at him, making him dodge it.

"Hey! I told you. I just wanted to do something solo. Something different."

"I mean, are you really doing it solo if you're here with me?" He smirked.

"I'm leaving."

"No, I'm kidding." He laughed as he put his hand out to stop you. "I know, I know. For the record, I'm glad you're hanging out with me and letting me show you around."

"Nice save, Park."

"You got it, sweetness." He winked, making you shake your head at the pet name.

"What about you? What's up with you and your family? I can tell you and Yana are close."

"Yeah, we are. I'm really happy about the relationship we have. She's my older sister and she's done a lot for me. A lot." He emphasized. "I can't help but feel super protective of her. I feel like I want to shield her from the world sometimes because she's such a good person and I don't want to see her get hurt, you know? It hurts me." You nodded silently. "I know part of the reason why she agreed to this whole thing was because of her ex." You swallowed the lump in your throat because same. Fucking same.

"I get that. That's really sweet of you."

"As for the rest of my family, I mean.." He sighed. "Yeah, we're all close. I love my mom and dad. I'd do anything for them, no question about that. They've always been supportive. But, sometimes I can't help but feel like I disappoint them."

"Why do you say that? Only if you feel comfortable, though." And he did. Jimin really did. He wasn't much to talk about his personal details because he was so busy trying to make sure his people were good, that people he cared for were okay. He barely had time to look out for himself, but he didn't mind it. All he wanted was for his people to be good. If that could happen, then all was well. Plus, he would hate to have to burden someone with such negative thoughts. It wasn't the happiest topic for him.

"I do." He softly smiled at you, his eyes wide and round like a puppy. He ran his hand through his hair before adjusting his position on the blanket. You couldn't help but feel weak at the sight of him. Sheesh. He could do the bare minimum and it would still be so attractive. "My sister is super smart and successful. She's worked so hard to get to where she is now. I mean, she works for a really popular magazine here. She started as an intern, then worked her way up and now she's close to creating her own clothing line. It's been her dream and she really worked to make it happen."

"That's amazing."

"Isn't it? She's such a boss." He shook his head. "And then there's me." He scoffed. "I went to school for business, with a minor in art. But that's about it for me. I don't really know what I want to do or how to go about making my degree useful." He used air quotes. "I honestly just don't even know. I got through school just fine, but I never had set plans for myself. I help my mom and dad at their cafe, then that's it." He shrugged.

"Jimin, you still have so much time to figure out what you want to do. Don't beat yourself up just because you didn't get there as quickly as Yana or other people. Your path isn't theirs and vice versa."

"It just gets hard, you know? I want to make them proud."

"And I'm sure they are. They always will be. You have so much to offer to the world, no doubt. You'll be able to show that in time."

"Thanks Y/N, I needed to hear that. Really." He smiled. "Just you listening makes me feel better."

"You should make more time for yourself, Jimin." You already could tell what kind of person Jimin was. One that always made time for everyone but himself. One who was completely and utterly selfless.

"I know, I'm working on it." He scooped into his ice cream cup. "So, enough of me." He chuckled. "Back to you."

"What else can I say about me?"

"I don't know, Y/N. I'm sure you have a lot you can say about yourself besides being a badass scientist." You chuckled. "Is that really the only reason why you came to Seoul? To get a break from LA and work?"

"If I'm being completely honest, no." He nodded as he continued to keep his attention on scooping more of his ice cream. "I'm actually in the same boat as Yana with the whole ex situation." You scoffed. "It sounds pathetic coming from me, I know."

"No." He shook his head. "No, it doesn't."

"I dated this guy for almost 5 years. But, it was so on and off and inconsistent during the last year. After we officially broke up, I couldn't separate myself from him, even if he was treating me like shit. Like a convenience. He would come around whenever he wanted to, even though he was already seeing other girls and playing his games. I was so tired of crying and feeling hurt over the fact that I was so replaceable. I was longing to find myself again."

"I'm really sorry, Y/N. I can't apologize on his behalf, but you definitely don't deserve that."

"It is what it is."

"No, it's not. Someone who is more worried about getting their ego boosted than treating someone right doesn't deserve your time. None of this was your fault and I really hope you know that."

"It took me a long time to see it that way, of course. It was really difficult. I always questioned what was wrong with me."

"Nothing. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. Please hear me when I say that. I know we haven't known each other for long, but I really mean it. You're beautiful, smart and you have a lot of things going for you. If he can't fit in that equation, then fuck it. That's on him and that's his loss." You chuckled.

"Thanks, Jimin."

"Of course." He tilted his head to the side as he smiled. He continued to stare for a bit longer, eyeing all of your features and taking it all in. You were really beautiful to him. A work of art. The last thing he wanted to do was scare you away, but he felt compelled to be by your side while you were around. He just wanted to keep spending time with you, getting to know you and making you happy. That became his goal. "So, uh. I have a couple of more places I'd like to take you to, if that's alright?"

"Yeah, of course. I'm down to see everything and anything I can while I'm still here."

"I'll do my best." He chuckled. After you both finished up your ice cream, you threw out the empty containers and packed up the blanket before heading back home. You knew you were going to keep spending more time with Jimin and his friends, but you were beginning to feel a little sad parting ways at the end of the night. You gave Jimin a tight hug and said your goodnights before shutting the door. You threw your shoes off to the side and took a quick shower before plopping yourself into the warm sheets. Yoongi had left you a voicemail you hours ago, but you had been so caught up that you hadn't checked your phone until now. You weren't going to call back due to the time change. Namjoon and Yoongi were for sure knocked the hell out. They wouldn't hear a thing.

"Oyyy," Yoongi's raspy voice came up on the voicemail. "Just wanted to check on you and see how you were doing down there. Namjoon is out running errands but I think he's gonna be hanging out with Yana again. Call me back when you get a chance. But not when it's like 4 or 5AM here please. Take care of yourself and be safe."

#bts #bts fanfiction #jimin fanfiction #jimin #park jimin #pjm series #pjm x reader #off the grid #otg #writing #jimin x reader #jimin fluff

[harry-writings]

The Edge of Tonight

- The one where Y/n reaches her breaking point and ruins Harry’s special night

TW: drug use of a family member, mentions of overdose 

Masterlist

-

Tonight is really important.

Harry has a mandatory meeting that addresses his next leading role in an upcoming action film. This is his biggest acting opportunity since his role in Dunkirk—his career only seeming to get better with each audition and he couldn’t wait to discuss the next character he has to take on.

Everyone is there—between his managers, the directors, and all the other actors involved in the making, tonight is a really big deal. Harry hasn’t been this excited since his last movie, and to be honest, he never thought he’d end up being a part of something like this again.

He’s amazed at it all, really. There’s a certain type of hustle he’s already found himself getting comfortable with, despite his overwhelming introverted-ness. The cast and crew—everybody, really—is really welcoming, and to know that this will be his life for the next year gets him even more excited. 

At the main table—where everybody talks individually to get a proper grasp on the characters—he makes rounds with as many people he can; asking questions and getting all the clarification he needs in regards to the film. And even though everything he’s doing is work related, there really isn’t anywhere he’d rather be at the moment.

He’s two hours in—half of his questions still unanswered and the director has yet to discuss the majority of the making. They’re walking to take their seats for the mass presentation—where they go over their film location, get their scripts, all the nitty gritty that comes with being an actor—when Harry’s phone starts to ring. 

Normally, considering the situation that he’s in, he’d ignore the call and wait until his meeting was over to get in contact with whomever was in need to reach him. But as he stares down at the unknown number on his screen, something doesn’t feel right. His stomach tightens and he doesn’t necessarily know why. It’s just a goddamn phone call made at the wrong time.

And he really wants to ignore it—really should ignore it—but he can’t dismiss the mysterious feeling inside of him as it vibrates, for now the second time in his hand.

He sighs, looking around for somewhere much more private. He quickly walks away from where the crowd his heading, finding a secluded section near the bathrooms while he makes sure to answer the call.

He barely has any time to say anything before he hears her.

“Harry, please don’t hate me.”

Y/n’s voice sure as hell was the last thing he expected to hear on the other line as it evidently speaks through tears and worry. To hear her in that way makes his heart drop to the pit of his stomach and his palms sweat against the phone, the thought of the unfamiliar number somehow slipping from his mind as it’s now raided by concern.

He thinks of the worst possible scenario she could be in for her to be calling in such a state. Despite her saying “please don’t hate me” hints at the fact whatever position she is was her fault, he can’t help but to panic at the mere thought that she’s in danger and he’s not close enough to save her in time.

“Darling, what’s wrong? Are you alright?”

Y/n wishes he didn’t sound so concerned for her because when it comes down to it, she doesn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt Harry always gives her. Everything that’s happened, the whole reason why she’s here, is because of something she had done. It was necessarily her fault, but it was her stupid decision that brought her into this mess, and she doesn’t want to take advantage of his heart. 

Especially not now, not during one of the most important nights of his career. She can’t take advantage of what he always gives her because he’d never forgive her, no matter how much she really truly needs him right now.

“I’m at the police station I—" She stomps her feet on the ground because she knows what she’s in for now that she confessed her whereabouts. She’s more than upset with herself, too, because she knows that she’s being a burden on a night so detrimental to his career. “I fucked up, Harry. I’m so sorry.“

He really doesn’t know how to react. He doesn’t really know if he can react. Neither of them have ever been put in a position like this—he almost thinks this whole thing is a figment of his imagination—his brain trying to bring down his spirits because this role is just too good to be true, just too, too good, and his body can’t handle it.

And there’s just no way. The only thoughts swirling in his brain are what could she possibly have done? What did she do to end up there, all alone, with nobody to help her?

His hand is rubbing against his face harshly, sucking in a deep breath as he tries to wrap his head around the situation. His fingertips press against his closed eyes, trying to fathom the damage she possibly could have done.

“What did you do?”

Even though he was remaining as calm as possible, she can hear the disappointment in his voice. Her eyes squeeze closed as she chokes back a sob, holding the telephone closer to her ear as she tries to come up with something better than “I knocked a girl unconscious while blindingly drunk.”

“Assault.”

The breath is knocked right out of him. How the hell could this have happened? Y/n? Assault? She’s always been such a good person, always doing what’s greatest in her heart and making sure those around her are safe and content at all times. She’s a big believer in treating others the way she wants to be treated, so putting people before her was in her blood—in her nature —like she was born for those around her. 

Her wholeheartedness was one of the many reasons Harry fell in love with her. She was just so goddamn easy to fall for and he admired the effortless aspects of her love and fondness. He knows deep in his heart that there must have been a good reason, a really good reason, Y/n would have assaulted somebody—he really does believe that—but he just can’t shake the anger out of him right now.

She knows what this night means to him and his career yet she’s finding her way to ruin it. And if he didn’t love her so much, he would finish off his meeting and make her wait, make her learn her lesson to not be so goddamn careless and stupid, but he just can’t do that. No matter how jaw-clenchingly pissed off he is, she means the most to him and he would never be able to live with himself if he were to keep her in any danger any longer.

He sighs again, resting his forehead in the palm of his hand while his elbow is placed sturdy on the wall beside him. He feels dizzy and his brain is moving much too quickly for him to comprehend any rational thought. There are so many endless possibilities as to what could happen to her—what could happen to them—after this gets resolved.

“I’ll be there soon.”

It takes him nearly five minutes to get his head screwed on straight and muster up the courage to tell the managers that there’s been a family emergency. Although they seem hesitant to believe him, he’s sure they’ll be reading all about Y/n’s arrest on social media if it happens to become public.

And that’s just another thing that’s really getting on his nerves. He’s an extremely private person, always tentative about shining light on his personal life. It took him months to make his relationship with Y/n public, and although she’s done nothing but respect his need of privacy, this entire situation is going to interfere with that. And possibly this new upcoming role.

Everything about tonight makes him more angered than he’s ever been in his life and it’s almost overwhelming him. And God, does he want to put some sense into Y/n, but he can’t even think about being more upset with her than he already is until he knows that she’s okay.

            -

When Harry arrives at the police station, they already had Y/n sitting on a bench near the officer’s room. His eyes instinctually look for any visible scars or damages on her skin, but besides the few bruises on her arms and a busted lip, she doesn’t seem too hurt.

What he really does notice, though, is how tired and out of it she looks. She looks lifeless upon the bench, her eyes refusing to move from the wall in front of her. The color of her skin is paled and her eyes are sunken in with exhaustion. She’s still crying, too, but doesn’t make any attempts to rid the tears falling rapidly down her cheeks.

“Sir, are you here for Y/n Y/l/n?”

His gaze breaks away from her figure to meet with the police officer standing beside him, who’s holding files of papers in his hands with a stern look on his face.

Harry nods quickly, not bothering to clarify much more than he has to. The officer nods in response, pointing his head over to his desk—implying Harry to follow him into the room. He leads him over to the empty chair, making sure to close to the door to prevent any leaked information.

Harry makes himself as comfortable as he possibly can in the circumstances that he’s in. The officer is extremely intimidating and making it hard for him to communicate properly. He just wants to know what the hell is happening so that he can put his worries to rest and bring Y/n home.

The officer is flipping through papers on his desk, not making any move to sit down or reassure Harry in any way. He can physically feel his heart beat harshly in his chest and the sweat surface on his palms.

“And you’re the boyfriend, correct?”

This time, the officer finally looks up to where Harry’s is sitting across from him. He nods tentatively, unsure of really what to do or say. He figures that wordless gestures are enough unless he’s asked for details.

The officer writes something down on paper—perhaps confirming his presence and here to bring Y/n back home. He coughs slightly before finally giving the answers Harry desperately, hopelessly needs.

“Since she’s had no prior criminal record and was under the influence of alcohol, we’re letting her go with a three-month probation. Thankfully, for her, the woman didn’t press any charges. If she doesn’t cause any trouble within the next three months, we’ll drop the record from her name. Got it?”

Although confusion is still buzzing through Harry’s head and there’s still so many questions to ask, he doesn’t say anything in response. Between the gloominess and tension in the small room and all the intimidation flowing through his veins, he’s almost scared to speak out.

The officer doesn’t look very promising, either, even though he hasn’t been harsh on him. It’s all just too much happening at once and he can’t understand it all.

Harry obeys all the officer’s orders in regards to the instructions of Y/n’s probation. It doesn’t take much longer than twenty minutes to get everything clarified, but his legs are shaking impatiently. He really just wants to get out of here.

And when Harry finally walks out of the room, the officer that was standing by Y/n leads her over to him. Her steps are hesitant and slow, almost unsure of her movements. She still hasn’t looked up at him but Harry barely notices—either that, or he doesn’t really care.

He grabs her wrist between his fingers before he practically drags her out the door. He isn’t walking that fast, but Y/n’s still a bit drunk and she can barely see where he’s going through all her tears. It seems as though the world is moving too fast for her to keep up.

         -

The entire car ride is filled with tense air and Harry’s shallow breathing. She knows there is nothing she can say to make the situation any better, but she just wishes he gave her something to work with. She’s never needed anybody the way she needs Harry right now. Ever. 

And when Harry doesn’t talk, that’s when he’s really had it. He doesn’t speak much to begin with, so when he’s silent and refusing to talk things out with her, he’s building himself up—it’s the calm before the storm. Everything he wants to say is being swallowed in his own throat, just waiting to explode all at once.

“H, please say something.”

He grips the steering wheel tighter—so tight that his knuckles turn white and his wrist pulses under the pressure. Not a reaction in him gives her a reason to believe he can even look at her in this moment. She’s unintentionally pushing him over the edge and she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to live with herself for it.

“What’d you want me to say? Got nothing to say to you right now.”

She throws her head back on the headrest as a cry spews past her lips. Her feet are kicking at the glove compartment and she really thinks she can break down right then and there. She really fucking needs him to be there for her and tell her everything is going to be okay.

“I’m so sorry, I swear I didn’t mean to ruin your meeting because I know how important it was to you, but I swear I—“

“Y/n, please. It’s taking everything in me not to yell at you right now and I don’t want to be so bloody angry that I can’t see the road. So please, that’s enough.”

         -

When they get home, Harry doesn’t open her car door like he usually does, nor does he wait up for her before going inside. She pouts at this, feeling neglected and utterly upset that she’s made him so angry.

But she needs him right now—now more than ever. There is so much more to the story than he knows and she can’t stand the fact that he won’t let her talk about it. She needs his comfort and his love to keep her steady in the midst of all the chaos happening in her life, but she knows that’s the last thing he’ll give to her right now, no matter how much she relies on it.

Her bottom lip trembles as she closes the front door shut, meeting a house full of slamming cabinets and the sound of his rushed footsteps. She tentatively follows the glimmer of light that meets the hallway from their bathroom, slowly opening the door wider as she’s met with a counter full of first aid kits and Harry’s moving body.

“Just because I’m pissed off at you doesn’t mean I don’t care. Sit on the counter, your knuckles and lips are cut.”

She complies silently, hitching herself on the edge of the counter until her bottom legs are dangling and her back is slouched against the mirror. And before she really has time to get comfortable in her position, he’s already grabbing her hand to clean the dried blood off.

There are so many things he wants to say but doesn’t know how, not without sounding like an asshole. He loves her too much to keep her crying the way she has, and loves her too much to make her feel worse about herself than she already does. But really, what the fuck was she thinking?

He sees the regret and guilt in her eyes and it pains him. He knows that it’s partially his fault—why she’s so saddened—but this isn’t something he can forgive her so easily for no matter how much he wishes it was.

He’s at his boiling point and he can feel it—partially mad at Y/n, partially mad at himself. The cotton swab that was once gently patting her cut knuckles is now moving more harshly from his aggressive movements—not enough to hurt her, but enough for her to know that he’s having trouble keeping it all together.

“There better have been a really good reason as to why you’ve done this, Y/n—acting like a proper idiot. Do you have any idea how this makes you look?”

She shrugs, a pout on her face as she refuses to answer. She knows it’s not worth trying because this is his blow and she doesn’t want to push him any further. She’d rather take it as it is now rather than make it worse—something she wouldn’t be able to take.

“You know what this night meant to me and you know this could have been the worst possible time to cause some shit like this! And you were drunk, too! You were proper fucking drunk and alone! You know how you are when you’re drunk, damn sensitive, have no sense! And look where you ended up!”

He slams his fist on the counter next to her legs, the gauze falling from his hand from the impact. He still isn’t looking at her—hasn’t once looked at her since they’ve left the station—and it breaks her heart in two. 

It hurts so bad, for him to be right in arms reach and not being able to hug him and kiss him and tell him just how sorry she really is. 

His shoulders are tightened, jaw clenched, face nearly red, and fingers in fists from all the anger. And Y/n begins to cry.

“I had to sacrifice my time, my future, my career because of your fucking irresponsibility! This isn’t even goddamn like you, Y/n! And if the media finds out, guess whose ass is on the line! Mine! It will all turn shit for me and my possibility for making a life for us all because you decided to physically assault somebody!”

Y/n’s head is hung low at the point, not having the strength to look at him the way he is now. She never wants to see him this frustrated with her—because of her—and it just makes her feel worse than she already did.

And normally she would still listen to his lectures, only because she really deserves it and doesn’t find it in her heart to turn anything around on him, but she has to say it. No matter how embarrassing it’ll make her look—no matter how bad it’ll make her look—she needs to tell him.

If she doesn’t, he might not ever forgive her.

“My mum overdosed.”

It’s almost a silent confession, spoken so inaudibly Harry almost doesn’t hear it underneath all his rage. It doesn’t make any sense, and he almost thinks he misunderstood her somewhere because it just doesn’t make any goddamn sense.

“What?”

She sighs, lifting her head but still not having the courage to look at him. She lays the back of her head against the mirror, tears falling silently from her eyes as she stares emotionless at the wall beside him.

He’s already calmed down some and is now staring at her in confusion. He’s not even entirely sure what she just said and his patience is wearing thin when she takes a couple of moments to fully explain herself.

“I got drunk because my mum overdosed. She’s been like this for too long—you know, being addicted. It was only a matter of time before it got to that point, where too much wasn’t enough. That’s why I never had you meet her— because I never wanted you to look at me differently or look at me like there’s something so terribly wrong with me.”

Harry’s hands are running delicately up and down her legs, listening intently to her words. There’s a furrow between his brows as he takes everything in, allowing himself to process everything she’s saying before he finds the right words to say back to her.

“And I know, getting drunk wasn’t the answer, but it wasn’t the problem, either. Some girls from my high school had found out—I guess maybe from their friends or parents? I’m not so sure. They’ve made my life miserable for as long as I could remember and this was their perfect opportunity to make a fool out of me. You know, ‘look at the drug addict’s daughter’ and ‘maybe this explains why you’re so fucked up.’”

Harry instinctively reaches his hand out to her tearful cheeks, cupping the skin between his fingers as if to reassure her that he’s there for her. His own eyes are overflowing with tears and he swallows the lump in his throat harshly.

“Oh, baby.” He whimpers.

She really could have stopped there—he didn’t need any further explanation for what she’s done. He’s already forgiven her and is more than ready to console her and be there for her for as long as she needs. But she needs to keep going, he knows that. He sees the words fighting past her lips and he’s not going to keep her thoughts unspoken.

“They started insulting my family, insulting my mum, insulting me and they just kept going. They just wouldn’t stop, and people around us were looking and I was so embarrassed and so upset, Harry. I just needed one last push until I cracked, and that’s when they mentioned you. Saying how you don’t deserve a mistake like me—saying that I must be fucking up your life the way my mum fucked up mine.”

She purses her trembling lips tightly and squeezes her eyes shut, trying so desperately to control the sobs that dare leave her mouth that her wobbling chin meets her chest. Now that she’s started, there’s no way for her to stop, but she doesn’t know if her body can take it.

Harry slowly drifts his hand to the back of her head, slightly digging his fingertips into her scalp and rubbing in soft circles. He’s never seen her this horrible and he’ll do anything he can to make it stop. His heart is hurting for her, his chest is burning with guilt, and his eyes are tearing with sympathy and he never wants to let her go. No, not tonight.

“And I didn’t need that, Harry. I didn’t need to hear that because my biggest fear is becoming what my mother is. I love her so much—I love her so fucking much even though I shouldn’t because she picked her addiction over me! I’ve always been neglected! She never loved me like I loved her and I never want to do that to you, Harry! I never want to do that to you.”

She punches at his chest almost passionately, to show him how much she really means it, because he might not ever trust her now. 

But Harry scoops her up in his arms, keeping her as close as possible as she drowns herself in her hysteria. Her hands are shaking against his chest, lips pressed against the crook of his neck, and legs wrapped around his waist as he shushes her in an attempt to calm her down.

His lips pepper chaste kisses against her skin, an endearing reminder that he’s not going anywhere anytime soon.

He buries his head in her hair and cradles her into his chest, his hands running feverishly all over her back. She doesn’t deserve anything that’s been given to her tonight—including everything he’s said—and she doesn’t deserve all the pain and worries she’s been going through.

Hell, she doesn’t deserve any bit of this and he wants to fix it now—has to fix it now.

Because how could he have missed it? How could he have been such a shit boyfriend to not take notice in Y/n’s toxic relationship with her mother? How had he never asked questions? How had he failed to be there for her for so long?

“Baby, baby, look at me. Look at me.”

He’s cupping his hands over her cheeks to ensure that her eyes meet his. And when they do, his heart breaks at just how spent she looks. The light in her eyes has burnt to a crisp and it seems as though there’s nothing left in her.

And despite how devastating it is, he still looks at her in the most loving way. It almost makes Y/n smile, but instead of the tug on her lips to do so, she feels the tug in her heart.

“You’re never going to do that to me, you understand? I know you more than anybody and I know how much you love me. It’s in everything you do, and even if you didn’t love me, you are not your mum. You’re so much stronger than you think you are and I am not letting you live your life in constant fear of turning into somebody you’re not. I’m not letting you do that, not when I’m here with you.”

She lets out a whimper, and despite the evident pout on her lips, she nods in understanding.

“Don’t deserve this, not one bit.”

His thumbs are rubbing against her cheeks while he presses a passionate kiss on her lips, and something about the common gesture is enough to settle the constant fear in her thoughts. And when his lips move to settle on her forehead and his hands tuck her into his chest, the weight in her chest seems to disappear.

By now, all her tears have been shed and all she’s left with are heavy eyes and a nearly boneless body. This day has consisted of almost too much chaos and she needs to end.

She hums softly, slowly moving to kiss his neck before resting her chin on top of his shoulder, closing her eyes at the sound of his breathing.

“I love you so much, H. Can you take me to bed? Need you.”

Her fingers tug at the collar of his shirt and he laughs softly at the gesture. It’s one of the sweetest things she’s ever done, and it’s in that moment he questions how he’s gotten so damn lucky.

She truly is the sweetest girl he’s ever known, and really is the most beautiful sight to see. And she’s all his. No matter what she does to make him angry, or what shit is going on in her life, she’s his greatest blessing and he’ll do whatever he can to protect her.

Not just for tonight, but for every night for the rest of their lives.

#harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles one shot

[theowlhouseheadcanons]

I love that 'Little Miss Perfect' is about Amity being pressured by everything and everyone around her so many times, but so many times, that she is afraid of not being who people think she is; In the meantime, 'Ordinary' is basically Luz wondering if she should be like the others before saying "FUCK BEING A NORMAL PERSON!! ARE YOU HEARING ME, OPRESSIVE WORLD? I AM WEIRD AND I AM PROUD OF IT!!!"

Lol

Indeed, I love both songs and been listening to them on loop today and I find it really interesting how each one capture their values and points of view about the same scenario;

They both are struggling through the whole song, but due to personal experience, they come up with different conclusions for their monologues;

And since we're already here, I would like to take some notes about

Ordinary x Little Miss Perfect

1.a) As said before, they're both reflecting about the same situation: the process of falling in love with an individual that does not fit in your reality; But the pieces of that puzzle have different weights and forms depending on whose eyes you're looking through;

1.b) Amity struggles and vents about the very fact of falling in love with a human girl – something that her parents, her "friends" and half of the Island would react negatively, from raising an eyebrow at her or hiss in disappointment (I'm looking at you Mr. And Mrs. Blight);

1.c) Luz, in other hand, is more concerned with the fact that she'll not be able to correspond Amity's feelings in the way she thinks the girl deserves, as the thought of going home – going back to her ordinary, with no magic, no witches, no freedom to be herself – haunts the back of her mind. Plus, Luz has some self-esteem issues as she doesn't believe that the top student of Hexside, former Grudgby Captain, Lilith's pupil and a favorite for joining the most important coven of the Islands would feel anything for the "cluster clump" she is;

2.a) and that's a hook for one more key difference between them: in terms of social hierarchy, they occupy opposite extremes;

2.b) Amity is a role model: she's the obedient daughter, the talented student, the popular, elegant teen of the neighborhood and a member of a respected family of the Island's elite; She'd been on the spotlight her whole life, the burden of others' expectations decorating a heavy crown on her head that she'd learnt to get used to; She'd been taught that image and reputation are vital, and nothing is worth the sacrifice of those – besides, if something threatens the two most important things in your life, it can't be good, right?

2.c) But in the other side of the social circle, marginalized at the corners was Luz, the quirky kid who grew up with little to no grand expectations: she was free in a way, to explore herself and develop her "oddness", but she constantly payed the social price for it, being rejected by the "normal kids", being cut from parties and friend circles, having adults looking down on her at almost everything (I do believe her mamá is a great parent and always cared and loved her daughter by the way she is, and everything she did was a try to make her daughter happier) With that, she also started to look down at herself, building this stigma that she's too awkward, too weird and therefore, not fit enough to have someone to fall for her;

* They're both afraid of rejection; Luz is afraid she's reading too much and still suspicious about the fact that there might be someone-- no, not someone, but Amity Blight, having feelings for her, her, of all people! And the Blight girl is (canonically too) afraid of being rejected by those she admire the most, because although her perks and illustrious position, she also thinks she might not be good enough for them; ("...I ask myself what did I do, to get as far as I've gotten...")

3.a) And those differences become even clearer in their conclusions for the monologues;

3.b) Through the whole song, Luz avoids to dwell about Amity's possible crush, only revealing she gets nervous and she tries to hide it through her bubbly friendly way; She does so because she knows she won't be able to find an answer for her doubt that will suffice it, so she focuses in answering something that does depend on her – from start to end, Luz makes a choice: she chooses herself over what others people think, she embraces the challenge of being her true self and accepts all the consequences that will come with it – good and bad. If that girl loves her, then be it! But she'll have to love her entirely, with all the quirk and cringe, because the only thing Luz is not doing is being anything less than extra-ordinary!

3.c) But Amity... Amity complains, swoops and sighs about it and all, but after some shenanigans, she returns to square one; she does make an iconic move, but as soon as she realizes it, she retreats, rewind and indulce herself to believe that default speech she kept in loop on her head; She also made a choice: she chose the others. She chose her status quo over something that little did she know about, but wished she could have learned more...But she didn't have the courage, neither the self-confidence to distinguish what was best for her, what she wanted , because the years she should had built that self-knowledge she'd spend pleasing others...

"it's never worth it, when you're Little Miss Perfect..."

#oof it was long #you can imagine what I've been listening through the whole day #not that i have #pfft #lumity #owl house amity #amity blight #luz noceda #toh luz #the owl house #the owl house luz #toh #the owl house headcanons

[flower-demise]

⋆⁺ 𝔩𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔬𝔣 𝔞 𝔡𝔦𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔫𝔱 𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔯| 𝖐𝖙𝖍 𝖝 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗

They say that when you are looking at the stars, you’re actually looking into the past. Many of the stars we see at night have already faded away.

And yet I found you

A bts au inspired by hotarubi no Mori e, howl's moving castle and stories without a linear concept of time

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚⁺˚

✦𝕻𝖆𝖎𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌 : 𝔗𝔞𝔢𝔥𝔶𝔲𝔫𝔤 𝔵 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯, 𝔜𝔬𝔬𝔫𝔤𝔦 𝔵 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯

✦𝕲𝖊𝖓𝖗𝖊 : 𝔉𝔞𝔦𝔯𝔶𝔱𝔞𝔩𝔢 𝔞𝔲 ,𝔞𝔫𝔤𝔰𝔱, 𝔥𝔲𝔯𝔱/𝔠𝔬𝔪𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔱, 𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔲𝔞𝔩 𝔯𝔬𝔪𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔢

✦𝖂𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 : 𝔊𝔢𝔫𝔢𝔯𝔞𝔩𝔩𝔶 𝔪𝔞𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔪𝔢𝔰 𝔞𝔟𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔩𝔦𝔣𝔢 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔡𝔢𝔞𝔱𝔥 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔞𝔣𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔩𝔦𝔣𝔢, 𝔪𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔞𝔩 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔩𝔱𝔥 𝔦𝔰𝔰𝔲𝔢𝔰 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔯𝔢𝔣𝔢𝔯𝔢𝔫𝔠𝔢𝔡/𝔦𝔪𝔭𝔩𝔦𝔢𝔡 𝔰𝔲𝔦𝔠𝔦𝔡𝔢 𝔦𝔫 𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔰.

✦𝕬/𝖓: 𝔗𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢'𝔰 𝔞 𝔟𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔣 𝔡𝔢𝔰𝔠𝔯𝔦𝔭𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫 𝔬𝔣 𝔭𝔞𝔫𝔦𝔠 𝔞𝔱𝔱𝔞𝔠𝔨𝔰, 𝔞 𝔰𝔭𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔨𝔩𝔢 𝔬𝔣 𝔬𝔫𝔢 𝔰𝔦𝔡𝔢𝔡 𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔪𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰 𝔬𝔣 𝔞𝔟𝔲𝔰𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔠𝔥𝔦𝔩𝔡𝔥𝔬𝔬𝔡. 𝔗𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔦𝔰 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔬𝔣𝔱 𝔪𝔦𝔫 𝔶𝔬𝔬𝔫𝔤𝔦 𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔫𝔰. ℑ𝔱 𝔦𝔰 𝔪𝔢. ℑ 𝔞𝔪 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔬𝔣𝔱 𝔪𝔦𝔫 𝔶𝔬𝔬𝔫𝔤𝔦 𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔫𝔰.

𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖑𝖔𝖌𝖚𝖊 | 𝖈𝖍.1 | 𝖈𝖍.2 | 𝖈𝖍.3 | 𝖈𝖍.4 | 𝖈𝖍.5 | 𝖈𝖍.6| 𝖆𝖔3

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚⁺˚

(This is the 2nd chapter please read the others before this)

Chapter 2 : You are my best friend, even at the end of the world..

Dreams, memories you didn’t know what they were, only that as you passed through them you reclaimed a missing piece of you.  

You were standing as a little girl in front of your grandparent's cottage, suitcase in hand ready to spend another summer. The moment you left it to the ground, you heard the waves crash in the shore and you turned to see your grandma peeling an orange and humming that lullaby she used to.  

‘What is this song grandma? The one you always sing.’

‘Oh’ she smiled and offered you a piece, which you took gratefully. Her eyes landed in the place where the sea and the sky met, making the colors blur. ‘I see this..world extending in front of me and around me, I hold this orange in my hands and I taste its juice and I sing about all this, about their beauty’

You didn’t know if that was what you expected to hear, but you were intrigued.

‘In my mind’ she closed her eyes and turned towards the sun ‘It is the melody of life dear one. It is the same melody of the waves meeting the shore and the songs of the birds welcoming the spring’.

A quiet smile formed on your lips, at the wonder and magic behind the words.

‘Who taught it to you?’

‘Oh, no one I can recall, I came to find it, to create it by simply..singing’

You hummed pleased at the sweetness of the fruit. How can oranges taste better here than they do in the city? You wanted to ask but

‘Sometimes I hear it too...the music’ you confessed, a tingle of fear lingering in the back of your mind, of the woman been repulsed by it. A tingle that washed away immediately by the crinkling of smiling eyes and the warmth of a loving face.  

The sun was beginning to set now and the sky had turned a light pink color

‘That’s very special little one, being connected to the other worlds. It means you will have a very interesting fate’  

Comfort filled you. Even excitement.  

‘Fate?’

She hummed. ‘I can’t wait to see what you’ll choose to create with your life’

You sniffed and she laughed. She always laughed so easily.

‘So, you can hear it too?’ you turned to face her but you saw yourself, staring back at you.

You were at your high school bathroom, in front of a full-length mirror, trying to keep yourself together.

Tired red eyes, ready to burst with tears. What was wrong with you? Why couldn’t you be normal? You had heard it again that day, the music.

It became so loud during class that you had to run in here before having a breakdown in front of your class. You were probably losing it. You didn’t give yourself this long anyway, it would happen..shit why did it have to happen?

You stared at your idol in the mirror, the plea in your face so hard.  

just be normal, just be normal

‘Just be normal’ you screamed at your reflection and you heard shoes hitting tiles, the sound of them moving away.

fuck

Even the drugs prescribed to you didn’t help, they even seemed to make it worse. Your dreams at night were so vivid, so horrifying, so dark.  

please be normal, please be normal

Now you knew. That the music had followed you throughout your life, it followed you like a comfort blanket when you were a kid spending time in nature and as a burden, a sign that made you stand out from everyone else throughout your teenage years. How could you have forgotten that? How could you forget him?

The boy with the mint hair.

It was late in the afternoon and you were walking home with your grandma after your regular walk at the sea.  

You were kicking a little stone between steps when you thought you saw someone among the trees. You moved a few steps back and went closer to the bushes.  

There, in a clearing among the trees was standing a man with his eyes closed, bathing in the remaining sunlight. His head was turned upwards towards the sky, complete peace in his face, that you almost didn’t notice the vines with thorns covering his wrists. He must have been in pain, though he didn’t show.

You were ready to crouch closer when you heard your grandmother who had walked up ahead call out your name.  

‘I’ll be home before dark’ you promised quietly not wanting to disturb the scene unfolding in front of you. She seemed to move on then, leaving you to whatever fantasy you were indulging for the day.  

You had stopped yourself inches before your feet touched the grass, as not to intrude a personal moment. Your eyes were wide though, taking every little detail in.

The boy seemed a few years older than you and looked like a fairy, the sort you read books about, beautiful and elegant and hidden in the forests. How did you of all people stumble upon him? The light was shining through his hair, giving him a warm glow. He just looked soft..safe.

The only thing that stood out in the pure moment were the dark vines with thorns covering his wrists. Even from here you could see little drops of blood. Your heart ached at that.  

You were pondering how to approach him, if you even should or simply run home and let your dreams do the hard work, when you noticed a butterfly flying close to his face.  Like he knew it was there, even with eyes closed, he smiled and lifted his hands, extending his finger for it to land on. When it did, he finally opened his eyes and his smile made flowers bloom in your stomach.

This was the time to run away you thought...

And the universe’s answer came immediately.

‘Come here’  

His voice was warm and inviting like the summer itself. You didn’t realize at first that he addressed you, you didn’t even know when he noticed you. Were you being too loud? It didn’t really matter at that moment, as you timidly walked out of the bush you were hiding, an apologetic expression on your face.  

His eyes lit when he saw you and motioned for you to come closer.

‘Move your finger’ he said, when you had approached.

You watched as he slightly connected your fingers, giving space for the butterfly to land on you.

It felt so light on your skin and it tingled, a giggle escaping your lips. You froze your finger to the spot to observe the creature and the patterns in its dark blue wings.

You let out a breath.

‘It’s pretty’ you mumbled.

You turned instinctively to the man next to you, only to see him observing you with a warm expression. You felt heat in your cheeks and he smiled.  

‘Will you take care of her for me, when I'm gone?’ his question surprised you and your eyes flickered from the butterfly and back to him.  

‘Where are you going?’ you couldn’t hide the disappointment in your voice.

‘A place far from here.’

Where? You wanted to ask so badly, but he continued.

‘Where I come from, there’s not much light for her. Her home is here with you, flying freely under the sun. Do you understand?’ he asked and you got the feeling his words held another meaning.  

Nonetheless, you nodded and the butterfly flew away.

‘Promise?’ he offered his little finger.

And you wanted to giggle as you whispered ‘I promise’ and sealed your words in a pinky promise.

‘You are bleeding’ you broke the sweet moment when you felt a thorn cut your skin. This close you could see he bled green blood and you decided he was definitely a fairy.

He looked at his wrists then and a sad smile crept on his lips.

‘It’s alright’ he said simply and then turned to look at the sky once more.  

'It's getting dark little one, better go home before your grandma gets worried’.  

Right your grandma.  

It felt like no time had passed at all when you were with him and a pout formed in your lips when you knew you had to leave.

‘I’m y/n by the way’ you said trying to savor a few more moments and because you really wanted to know his name. You knew that fairies and names had an interesting history. And so, by giving him your name and asking for his you hoped to create a bond of sorts, something..anything to keep the boy from fading away.

He made a theatrical bow that you found too adorable. Especially when you saw the way his hair boped  messily on his head.

‘I’m Yoongi’. He spoke softly, a last remaining ray of light falling to his face.  

Yoongi. You let the name find a home in your heart.

You glimpsed at the road that would lead you home, it had already started to look dark and long and you groaned internally.  

‘Will I see you again?’ the question you wanted to ask slipped out and you thought you would burst in tears if he replied what you didn’t want to hear. But his eyes softened more.

‘I will be here little one, for all time, so you can visit me through your memory whenever you wish. And I will feel the sun every time again’.  

You didn’t understand what he had meant then, only that it filled you with an unexplainable sadness. Still his answer satisfied a part of you and so you decided to venture home, but only after bidding him goodnight and waving as long as your eyes could reach him.

--

You felt yourself waking up, with his voice still in your ears, the tingle of the butterfly in your finger. How could you have forgotten all that? Yoongi was a central part of your childhood and early adolescence, like a lighthouse, a compass navigating the dark.

‘Yoongi?’ the name rolled easily out of your lips like it had many times before.  

You felt someone brushing your hair, fingers trailing the lines of your palm.

‘I’m here little one.’

The feeling of someone you loved calmed your nerves and you stirred in your sleep, diving deeper and welcoming new dreams.  

--

It was your second summer with Yoongi having become a part of your daily routine.

A regular day consisted of breakfast, swimming, launch, playing cards with your grandma and Yoongi. From late noon till the sun would set. She had asked a couple of times where you were sneaking to, but you told her about a boy living near the sea and when she said something about bringing him over you replied that he was very shy. And that was that.

You were fiddling with a leaf in your hand, the homecooked meal still lingering in your mouth as you laid in the grass next to him.  

‘You never told me where you are from’

‘I told you I can’t speak of that place ‘

‘Not that ' you whined ‘I meant where you grew up. You never told me about your life ‘  

your parents, your friends..

‘I.. ‘ Yoongi registered his words and after a while without an answer you turned to look at him. His expression was morphed into one of confusion.  

‘I grew up next to the sea’ he said, his eyes here and not really here at the same time ‘I think I remember a shore. ‘ he started to look anxious. ‘I..’ he galped down.  

‘I think..I think there was a dog too, running in the beach next to me. I don’t remember its name. I don’t remember any of their names ‘the realization hit him before you could react.  

‘When did I forget? ‘

‘Hey’ you spoke softly trying to get him out of his thoughts but he only flinched away from your touch.  

‘When did I forget?’ he asked again to someone you couldn’t see, panic taking over him.

‘There was the sea’ he repeated, chanting almost ‘and a dog and sweet music’  

A ghost of a smile.

‘I remember an old piano with dark wooden color and yellow flowers on top of it. I don’t know who played it. I remember feeling I shouldn’t’

‘It's okay.’ you cut him of ‘It was stupid of me to ask’ Yoongi observed you, like registering your presence all over again.

He seemed to compose himself then.

‘No. You helped me..in ways you don’t understand’

‘It must have been good though, even if you can't remember’

‘What?’

‘Your life’ you smiled at him. ‘The sea, the dog, the piano it sounds like a good life to me’

He looked at you but didn’t smile. It was the first time he looked this..adult-like.

‘It’s late..better go home little one’

It was like a blow and you stood there frozen.

‘Did I say something wrong?’ your voice sounded crashed.

His eyes shot up.

‘Of course not. It’s just been a lot for me, I think I need to figure it all out’

You nodded.

It was the first time you dragged your feet while returning. The house with the unlocked door seemed welcome and familiar, a faint light coming from the window of your grandma’s room. Before you entered you turned around, where you knew the clearing was but couldn’t see.  

Was Yoongi out there? Crying alone?

Something salty lingered on your tongue and it took you a while to realize it was your tears.

‘Shh’

--

You had been running, you remember that because your cheeks were flushed red and your hair was flying in all directions when you fell on the grass like it was a mattress, next to the boy you had grown to love.

It must have been your third summer together. And all year long you counted the days till you could see him again.

When the time did finally came, the first thing you did when you opened the door out of your grandma’s car was to run to the field, leaving your suitcase behind. And every time, he was there, standing in the clearing, looking the same as that first day. And the same sense of a longing filled you, had you running straight to his arms, burring your face in his shirt, each summer and a little higher.  

Yoongi didn’t grow up like you did, you never asked him why, mostly because you secretly liked how you would be the same age one day.  

Long term thoughts of how fast time passes and how easily childhood blurs to adulthood and becomes a memory didn’t really occur to you. Why would they ? Back then every summer seemed to last for an eternity and growing up meant turning eighteen.

The sun warmed your entire body and you felt like you were flowing rather than laying on the ground. Your breath echoed , the only sound between you.  

‘A little more and you’ll catch up’ he teased and you rolled your eyes .

You knew him by now, all his teasings and all his antics : his long silences, the way he closed his eyes and scrunched his nose when something pleased him, or when he became too lost in his thoughts and a strange shadow covered his face.  

And he knew everything about you, from all the gossip about your classmates to the dreams you didn’t dare share with anyone else.

‘Mhhm’ you stretched ‘ I love summer’  

Yoongi let out a huff.

‘You mean you missed me’  

Not that you would admit that without a fight, no matter how apparent it was.

‘You wish. I was pondering whether to come to this forgotten place or visit Sarah’s home for the summer’

‘Right’ he chuckled. ‘Because you like Sarah so much’

That sleeky..

You shrugged your shoulders.

‘I knew grandma would miss me if I didn’t come so..’

‘How’s your grandma?’ he asked with sincere interest.

‘Like she always is. Wears that hat, makes tea, reads her novels by the porch. This year she seems quieter though, less jokes, less sweet pies’

He let out a pained whistle.

‘That must have hurt'

‘Shut up’ you rolled your eyes.

‘Honestly..’ you signed and he picked a look at you from beneath his hand that sheltered him from the sun. ‘I think she just misses grandpa. More by the day. Thought it would be the opposite but..I heard her say his name on her sleep’.

‘Love like that isn’t washed away by years’.

You didn’t reply for a while, trying to form what you were feeling.

‘Love is a weird thing. I don’t understand it’.

‘I refuse to understand it’ you announced with eyebrows raised and he laughed.

‘Love is simple little one. Your grandmother loves you, like she loves your grandfather. And you love her and your mother even if she is the most irritating human you have encountered’ he mimicked your words 'and sometimes you want to spend time with people you love, sometimes you want to be cities apart. Sometimes you do part indefinitely but the love is still there’

‘Is it that simple then?’

He hummed.

‘It should be’.

Do you love me?  

‘It must hurt her though, loving him while he isn’t around’.

This time he moved away his hand and let it fall between the two of you. It was peaceful like this, you found comfort in the spaces between the words.

‘It must be the same like me and you’.

‘Us?’ he questioned.

You nodded.

‘I miss you all year and even though you aren’t there I still want to hear your voice or lie next to you like this’. It wasn’t so hard to admit it after all. It felt like a weight was lifted from your chest. Your hand barely touched his in the grass and he moved his pinky to circle around your own. You stayed like that for a while.

‘Maybe I understand love after all’ you sing sang cockily. A comforting silence. Then the need to say it out loud became too overbearing, like a bird trapped in a cage, aching to fly.

‘Yoongi’. You hummed his name. He had closed his eyes again and this time droplets of light scattered throughout his face and he scrunched his nose in the way you knew it meant he enjoyed this.  

‘Hmm?’

‘I think..I think I want to kiss you’. The way his eyes shot open in utter horror would be comical if not for your quick heartbeat which monitored over every tiny movement like a hawk locked on its prey.  

‘Y-you want to kiss me?’ he asked like this was a melodrama series on tv.

There’s the calm reaction! Love is simple my ass..

‘I mean not now. But one day’ you held your gaze to the ground, afraid to see his reaction to that but in your surprise you heard the boy laugh. Not a teasing kind, a light summer laugh.  

You joined him, you had no reason not to. Yoongi seemed relieved and youthful in that moment, like he recognized how young you were and what it meant to have a crush. He stretched like a cat. He did strangely remind you of-

‘Sure one day’. He promised.

‘What really?’ the excitement alone had you roll back to the ground, flowers getting all over your hair.  

He hummed again.

‘It’s too much pressure to be your first crush. I have to appear decent.’ He began teasing you again.

‘Stop’ you giggled.

‘I am not a decent man. But for you miss..I might pretend to be’  

‘Who was your first crush?’

Yoongi’s eyes lighted at that and you got the sense he wanted to say much.  

‘Someone very brave, someone who made me want to be brave’

‘Is she married now?’  

He looked at you for a moment and then laid back on the ground. Again with his secrets.

‘When you get older’ his voice was more serious now 'you will not even remember me. I will have become a part of your childhood, a blurry memory you won’t be able to distinguish between reality and dream. But that’s okay. It will always be okay little one, even when you fear it won’t. ‘

Why did he become this profound all of a sudden?

‘When we grow up the world tells us how it’s supposed to be, our life. We have a responsibility to ourselves to fight back an ignorant world, an old world with no soul remaining in it. To fight your way through alone is a scary thing, to fight with someone you love will the be the greatest adventure of your life.’

The sun was starting to set now, and the birds were flying home for the night.

It was almost time to wake up. Yet, you held to this like it was a fountain of clear water and you had been thirsty all your life. Like this alone held all the answers you needed. And you had to hold on, to cling for a little longer.

‘And you will find that someone you will love. That someone who will love you back against all prejudice and all possibility and all sense of the all knowing world. Someone good, who you can walk each other home. I can’t walk you home.’ he smiled almost sadly. But you countered his words. A strange feeling of discomfort blooming in your belly. Heartbreak.

‘Why not?’ you asked finally. You wanted to ask from the moment you saw him. Why can’t you come home and eat soup and play cards with my grandma?

‘Because I’m bound to this place. Not the field, the other one. The distant one, the one with not much light’  

‘But I love you.’ You emphasized, not registering what he was really saying to you. ‘I don’t care that you can't walk me home. I don’t need you to, I know the way and grandma’s house isn’t that far’.

‘That’s not what I meant'

He looked at you, a knowing expression on his eyes.  

‘Y/n’ he called your name and a bell rang in your mind.’ You have to wake up’ he moved closer and cupped your face with a gentle hand. You looked up to him with big eyes, expecting this to go differently than you remembered.

‘You have to go home before it gets dark, in the dark you lose all sense of direction, of yourself.’

‘But you won't be there..back home’.

‘I will always be here with you, you know that. You know that now’  

‘No I don’t’ younger you mused with a pout.

‘You can’t cheat time little one, you will have to grow up, while I'll remain the same age. It’s only natural for you to let me go’

‘But I don’t want to let go.’ Tears were coating your eyes, you were acting like a child trying to hold to it favorite toy when you had grown beyond it , perhaps trying to hold to childhood itself with your teeth and tight grip.

‘But its okay if you do’ he assured you and he countered a fear you didn’t realize you had.

‘It doesn’t mean this will be erased, it can’t be erased, even if you forget me. You’ll always be my best friend..even at the end of the world’  

The tears fell in your lap like the cherry blossoms fell in spring. You never had seen spring with him, or winter, or fall. Only summer. The time of childhood.  

Understanding was taking root inside you and yet a part still desperately fought to hold on. Even to this day.

‘Won’t you be lonely if I don’t come anymore? Wont you miss me, young hopeful me If I put on my work clothes and get out of the school uniform?’

‘You will always appear like this to me. The girl with the big eyes and the kind heart.. the girl I had to convince for an entire month I wasn’t a fairy and in the end still say to me that that was a shame and that she wished above all things to be one’ 

You laughed through tears and he wiped some away.

‘Memory or no memory, fantasy or no fantasy, there’s no great truth to this world but this: I will always be here where the lines blur and I will watch over you. And you..you can tell me anything you want. But still my little one, who have outgrown me so beautifully you’ll have to wake up’  

You blinked away the tears. It was you now, older and not much wiser that looked at him, lying next to him on the field, the sun long gone.

He was right. No matter the time or place you could find your way back to a sunny field and to open arms. Still, you felt as heartbroken as you had back then. And no matter the sting of it and the fear of reality crushing over you, he let a gentle kiss on your forehead and it all turned too sweet. How could heartbreak be this sweet?

A last lingering memory found its way on the surface. One, more bitter than any rejection could be.

-

It was one of those afternoons you spend time with your grandma.

After the meal she had gotten her old albums out for you to see and your eyes flickered between them and the clock on the wall, a little more until you’d go to him.  

‘What’s this grandma?’ you asked when a particular one caught your eye.

‘Oh this?’ she smiled at the old picture, its edges torn by the years. ‘This is the choir I was into, when I was a kid’

‘You were in a choir?’ you laughed in disbelief.

‘Of course I was’ she mused, pretending to be annoyed ‘Come on, spot me’  

You rolled your eyes but scanned the faces nonetheless. There weren’t many kids, ten or eleven maybe.

Your heart flickered when you recognized a familiar face among them. One that didn’t belong to your grandma.

‘Who's this?’ your voice was quiet, scared of hearing the name. Scared of confirming what you had feared.

‘Now I’m offended’ she joked.

The boy in the picture smiled at the old camera, a full gummy smile. He was younger and his hair were his natural color, but still you knew it was him. You'd recognize him everywhere.

‘Who is he?’ you insisted.

Your grandma pulled her glasses higher and took the album in her hands.  

It took her a moment before she exclaimed a quiet ‘ah’.

‘I think his name was Min Yoongi’ she said between pauses. ‘But that’s a sad story dear’

‘Why?’ you hadn’t come this close to the truth before, no point crawling away now. ‘Why is it a sad story?’

She signed. ‘Oh well..he was a year younger than me, a quiet kid, used to come to the choir with bruises on his face’

You galped down.

‘He found solace in music, I think. Not much of a singer but, he used to play the piano. Fell in love with it. I don’t remember much and people tend to twist the stories so some of this may be false. ‘When she saw you were paying attention she continued ‘He dropped out of school which was normal back then for boys to join their fathers in the fields but he wanted to become a musician. So, he got a job and he left after a while to America to follow his dream. It was..unheard at the time to do such a thing’

Her fingers, long and crinkly traced the picture.

‘What happened in America?’  

‘I don’t know’ she moved her glasses higher again ‘but people said that he found himself there.’

A smile.

‘He wasn’t very lucky with his work though. He went to auditions and played at bars, maybe even on the streets, but he never stood out. He was..mediocre and New York was a crowed place, a blooming place. All that time and all that effort and all that love for a city that ate him alive. Maybe that’s why he left’

‘He came back here?’

She nodded.  

‘I saw him around the time I had first met your grandpa. He had grown taller and he had an odd hair color’ she frowned and you smiled.

‘I saw him next to the woods his family used to have a home, which got demolished after they left the place. We weren’t that close so I didn’t say hi. But I thought it was strange for him to have returned to such a small village, to that place. Next thing I hear is that he died, hours after I saw him’

‘His parents had disowned him and run away to hide from their shame, it was me and other three people at the funeral. A quiet boy really, used to smile at the notes as he played them-

You run straight to the bathroom, not bearing to hear anymore. You locked the door behind you, as you tried to calm yourself in front of the mirror. She came knocking but you had your hand covering your mouth, little cries muffled by the skin.

You never asked your grandma about Yoongi again.  

This chapter's moodboard.

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#bts x reader #bts #yoongi x reader #taehyung x reader #bts fanfic #bts fairytale au #bts fantasy au #bts magical au #bts angst #yoongi #taehyung

[cluz1babe]

*** STSF *** Ep4 CH1.5

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

MASTERLIST

Why was this man seemingly sweeping her off her feet right in front of him? Why hadn’t he acted on his feelings sooner? He only had himself to blame.

After dancing, Meo brought Y/N to her motel room. She started sleeping away from the guys after they moved her room, as she realized helped prevent any outbursts toward outsiders, or those who were outsiders to her, anyway.

Romeo and Y/N smoked a joint together and talked about what they’d been doing the past 13 years. Romeo kissed her, but she gently nudged him back before it could turn into more. She told Romeo about Cas and what had happened in the past month. He told her angels aren’t known for their ability to fall in love, but he had heard stories about Castiel being different. And how everyone seemed to think he was in love with one of his human companions. This crushed Y/N, but she also thought the same thing, so she wasn’t surprised.

Then Méo tried to cheer her up. He told her about his reason for finding her. He had heard rumors about Atlantis and needed to know if she wanted to go with him. “I found it.” He said, excitedly.

“You found it? You’ve seen it with your own eyes?”

“No. I need you in order to get there.”

Y/N shook her head. “Méo, no.”

“We read every book about it. Studied every map and as much mythology as possible. Now you’re saying ‘no’?”

“That was years ago!”

“What’s changed? El ángel?”

“Everything has changed.”

Disappointed, Romeo frowned before realizing the real problem. “Tú enamoraste.” (“You fell in love.”)

“That’s none of your concern. It never was before.” Y/N huffed. “For once in my life, I have a family. You want me to leave them based on a hunch? I can’t just leave my friends. I made a commitment to God to help him with his angel problem.”

“You left me. I was your family once.”

“You were.”

“I thought you would want to go. We always said we would go together.”

Y/N stepped away from him. “That was some teenage run away fantasy! You treated me like a burden for weeks before I left and now you show up, after not seeing each other for 13 years, and expect me to drop everything and run away with you? Does that sound normal?”

“Fuck normal. You ran away! Without saying anything, you secretly packed your bags, and snuck off.”

“It wasn’t a secret. Maybe if you hadn’t been so distracted, you would have noticed.” She remembered him fooling around with a waiter they met one night in Ponca City. It had felt like her heart was ripped out.

When she left the room, Cas was standing outside the door. She didn’t know or care if he heard anything because she was so furious.

https://i.imgur.com/Reyi8uF.png

The next few days were long. They were hunting someone who took people and sewed their eyes and mouths shut, turning them into monsters. They found him and killed him.

Once home again, Castiel tugged Y/N away from the library and Romeo for a moment. Things were still tense between them, but they weren’t fighting. Cas knew if he didn’t say anything, he would probably lose her - most likely to Romeo, who was joining them at the bunker.

When he had her alone, he admitted to eavesdropping a little. “I heard you and Romeo fighting. Do you want to talk about it?”

“He wants me to join him on a wild goose chase that started fifteen years ago.”

“Oh…” There was a long silence during which Castiel felt the pang of her possibly leaving and tried to think of something he could say to make her stay.

“He’s upset that I won’t run off with him when I have more important things to do.”

“You do pretty crazy things for the people you love. I know I have.”

“Your brothers and sisters?”

“And Dean… Sam… But as I understand it, that’s par for the course.”

“I don’t know if I ever loved him. He’s wild and not afraid to be who he is, or with whoever he wants to be with.“

Cas didn’t really know where to begin, so he started with telling her about when he told Dean he loved him.

“I didn’t realize you were gay.” Y/N tilted her head. “I mean, I did think maybe you were, but—“

“I’m not.”

“Bisexual?”

He shook his head. “I don’t consider myself any orientation.”

“You’re a man, right? Everyone refers to you as ‘he’. I’m sorry if that’s too personal. I have a problem with wanting to label things, but I think that’s just some form of OCD. I’m just confused and I’d like to use the correct pronouns.” She rambled. “And stuff.”

Cas smiled, “I’m not a man. I’m an angel. We don’t have gender. Technically, I’m a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent.”

“That’s a mouthful.”

“I just happen to be in this vessel.”

“I didn’t mean to assume. I’ll try to refer to you as ‘they’, if you prefer, but please don’t get mad if I screw up. I like to think I’m open-minded, but language can be so difficult to change.”

“I’m not bothered by being called a man, and I’m okay with people thinking I’m homosexual. When Chuck brought me back the first time, he only brought me back in this body.”

“Oh, your…vessel?”

He nodded. “I can remove my grace, but that would make me either sick or human. Once, I was able to go to the Empty, but only for a short time.”

“I’m sorry.”

“About what?”

“Seems cruel to be brought back, but trapped in a body, when you used to be so free. I saw only a glimpse of your true form, but I imagine this pales in comparison.”

“Not at all. Without this body I wouldn’t have had so many life-changing experiences.”

“So do you now think of it as your body?”

“Yes and no. I am in a male body and have no desire to change, but I’m still an angel. We have no need to reproduce, and therefore we don’t have sex. Although, as a human, I did.” He looked around the room anxiously. Why did he just admit that? “Have sex.” He cleared his throat nervously. “Other than that, Jimmy has been in Heaven for years now. Once he left, and I was brought back, it felt less foreign to me. I began to understand human emotions. I started to feel some of them. Then I was made human, and felt all of them. Often too many at once.”

“Sounds like an authentic human experience.”

“It certainly made me appreciate the human condition a lot more. Strangely, even after I became an angel again, I still had lots of feelings. The strongest one is love.”

“Sounds about right.”

“You know, the Empty did eventually take me. Just like the first time, Jack brought me back. … Before it took me, I made the most important confession.”

“What was it?” She asked.

“I told Dean that I loved him.”

“When you told him? That’s sweet. I thought you two were together, but Sam said you weren’t.”

“Well,” he shifted. “We weren’t together. I knew he could never feel that way about me, but I felt the need to tell him. I still can’t believe I said it. Anyway, back to the previous discussion. I have very strong sexual desires for women, and though I have the same desires for some men, it’s not nearly as often.”

“I’m pansexual. I don’t pay that much attention to the parts, as far as ‘am I attracted to this person’? If I’m attracted to someone, what’s between their legs can be a surprise once we get into the bedroom, and I don’t mind.”

“What I wanted to say is, you remind me of how I felt for Dean back then.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

She sat down on her bed. “I didn’t mean to get in the way.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe you should tell him again. If you really love him, you should let him know. Maybe he does feel something. Stranger things have happened.”

“Y/N.” Castiel sat next to her.

“Hmm?”

“I’m not in love with him anymore.”

“Oh... I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.”

“I can’t help it. I feel bad.” Y/N folded her arms over her chest. “The way you talked, made it sound like you were nicely telling me to back off of him. I’ve been off for weeks.

“Oh, there’s no reason to feel bad. I found someone else.”

“Don’t settle for anyone, Cas. It’s not worth it.”

“Actually,” he placed his hands over hers. “I don’t think I could live without this person. With Dean, I was capable of functioning without him, even if I didn’t want to. But this person is different. It’s like my grace is pulled to them.”

Smiled, brightly. “What’s their name?”

“Kleena.”

“C’mon. You’re impossible to read most of the time. I’ll never just guess.”

“It’s you, Y/N.” He moved closer, “I’m in love with you.”

Y/N spent a long time looking around and at the ground. Confused and overwhelmed.

“I’d really appreciate it if I knew how you felt.”

“I don’t know. No one’s ever said that to me.”

“No one?”

Y/N slowly shook her head. Castiel moved closer and she looked up into his eyes. ‘Yes, they’re Egyptian Blue,’ she thought.

“Well, I actually meant I’d really like to know how you feel about me.”

“I have strong feelings.”

Castiel started to let go of her and back up.

“I... It’s not that I don’t know how I feel, but putting it into words has never been something I’m good at.” She held on to his hands. They felt so strong and safe and soft. “I guess what I mean to say is, I’m deficient in that area, or something.”

Castiel’s face was sort of scowling, trying to understand what she meant.

“It’s hard for me to say it. Those words. It’s been a long time since I let anyone get that close. Since I felt safe enough to say those words.” She realized she was starting to ramble again, but didn’t know how to stop. Cas thought is was cute when she rambled. “And this is really not what I expected. I thought if I tried to make you happy, it would make me happy, and maybe I would stop feeling this way. That’s all I was trying to do—“

“Can I kiss you?”

“Well, as long as there’s no one else I there, or someone who would be upset with me doing things to a body which used to be theirs…”

“No, I really don’t think Jimmy is worried about this body.”

“Okay, because... I really want to kiss you.”

Castiel leaned down and held her close as his lips gently touch hers. She hadn’t allowed herself to daydream or fantasize any more about Castiel because it had felt like such a violation. However, now she was completely melting into this kiss like it was giving her life. She pressed her tongue forward and when his mouth opened, she explored. Why did he taste minty fresh if he never brushed his teeth? ‘Oh, Angel, that’s probably why.’

He was so lost in the kiss, he didn’t realize Sam, Dean, Jack, Romeo, and Brynn were all now in the room watching.

When he opened his eyes and saw them, he began to straighten his back in an attempt to gently break the kiss, but Y/N followed him up, standing on her toes. Castiel finally broke the kiss.

“Y/N, we’re not alone anymore.”

Y/N whipped around, saw everyone smiling, and turned beet red. Romeo started slow-clapping and she gave him a ‘you better stop right now’ look at made him do exactly that.

“You want pie? Unless you’re already having dessert, that is.”

“Maybe later.”

“All right everyone. Preview’s over. The main event is for them, only.”

Everyone filed out and Romeo smiled back at Y/N & Castiel as he closed the door.

“I guess we should... You know, go.” Why was she suddenly so timid? He hadn’t seen her act like this the entire time he’d known her.

“In a minute, like you said.” He pulled her close again and kissed her more passionately this time.

“Y/N, you don’t have to say anything unless you’re ready and want to.”

“Thank you, Cas. That means a lot to me.” She pulled him down and kissed him again. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her snug against his body. Her hands hooked under his arms and grabbed his shoulders. The kiss suddenly broke and they smiled at each other. Y/N’s arms dropped and Castiel wrapped his hand around one of them and tugged her toward his room.

“Where are you taking me?” She giggled playfully.

“Let’s try something.”

Y/N tilted her head, lifted a brow, and chuckled at Cas. She thought he meant to try something naughty.

#spn #castiel #supernatural #dean winchester #castiel x reader #strong tongue and slender fingers #reader #fanfic #sam winchester #spn fanfiction

[yyparkq]

hooked

characters: park sungjin x reader

word count: ~3.2k

summary: park sungjin is almost a perfect boyfriend for you...until he abruptly starts being emotionally withdrawn from you a few months into your relationship.

genre: fluff, smut

tw: mentions of anxiety, unprotected sex, slightly toxic relationship

requested by @parksungjinsfan

a/n: had tons of fun writing this really warm and cozy sungjin, thank you for the request!! tbh, i always see him as someone i’d be comfortable to share everything that’s on my mind. and i feel like he’s one of the very few people who will never judge you for your stupid mistakes but is also someone who needs to be taken care of. im blabbering too much. enjoy the story! :)

There was nothing special on the day you first met Park Sungjin. Like any other normal college student, you were able to find yourself a small circle you can trust and have fun with. Because of them, you have encountered the seemingly quiet and mysterious guy from the engineering class. He was best friends with the guy your close friend, Erin, was dating.

If first impressions last, like how they say it does, you’re fairly sure you would barely get more acquainted with a Park Sungjin. Unlike you, Sungjin is more reserved with a constant hang of serious air around him, like the type of person who barely laughs when someone makes a joke in front of him. He doesn’t always hang out with a lot of people but when he does, he’s always got an earphone dangling in one of his ears as if saying he’s only halfway present. He dresses neatly albeit casually—oftentimes in a plaid or button-down shirt and faded jeans with his dark, wavy hair falling shortly before his dark brown eyes.

He’s a pretty decent guy but not really the type you see yourself to be dating. But when you accidentally met him at the movie house alone and decided to grab dinner after, you two hit it off so smoothly. Turns out you both share the love for the book that was recently adapted onto the big screen. You two talked over dinner nonstop about the movie, how it varies against the book, the great and bad parts that were changed, the cast that played the role, the cinematography, the lines. Your exchange that night was nothing but informative and honestly, you craved more to be with him after that night so you asked him to hang out with you again. Sungjin already had a perfect proposal to invite you the second time if you didn’t ask. His mind worked extra hard trying to keep up with the conversation with you while thinking about how to ask you out for the second time at the back of his mind.

It was a ticket to an international classical play that he had up his sleeves which you gladly accepted.

One impromptu date was followed by a few more. After classes, you will meet over snacks or spend time in the library, reading and studying together. On weekends, you will try to watch movies you find interesting or go to museums.

You dating each other has not been a complete secret from your friends and you’re glad at how supportive they are to your new relationship.  Somehow, you learned that Sungjin is actually an easy-going person, he talks and laughs a lot when he’s comfortable with the people he’s with. He’s knowledgable and he knows how to listen and strike up a healthy argument when needed even though sometimes he could be a little awkward and even seem standoffish.

Your friends think that your relationship is pure and innocent—almost platonic as one could say—but they couldn’t be any more wrong. Yes, you and Sungjin maintain a totally discreet relationship when you’re in public and with friends. It’s not like you have to tell anyone but you laugh inside when some of your friends ask about the status of your sex life. You never responded to such questions positively, not too comfortable in sharing such intimate details about your life with anyone, and somehow it painted an idea in their heads that you and Sungjin have never had sex yet.

The thing is, you two are fairly active in that regard. There is an unbelievably strong bond between you and Sungjin after the first date that is almost impossible for either of you to resist.

It was after the third date when you first give in to your desire. After spending time looking at ancient monarch artifacts and roaming around the museum, you were met with heavy rains the moment you stepped out of the museum building. Being in the middle of the summer, neither of you had attempted to check the weather that day for any sign of impending downpour that day. Your thin, white button-down shirt styled as a dress stuck to your skin as you both ran for his car across the parking lot, rendering your clothes almost transparent the moment you climbed into the passenger seat. The sight of you being wet and in close proximity with Sungjin didn’t help him control himself either.

“Would you like to come over to my place?” he asked coolly after giving you his spare jacket from the backseat to cover yourself. Even with his imaginations going wild, he’s still a gentleman in your eyes.

“Sure,” you nodded, well aware of what’s about to come next. It could be seen as taking things too fast but frankly, you didn’t care. You wanted this and it seemed like he did too.

You blushed when he flashed you that warm smile that reached his eyes before starting the car and driving away.

Sungjin refused to let you go home that night until you practically cannot walk. He fucked you senseless until you’re almost out of your wits, one orgasm after another until you’re quivering uncontrollably.

It has been five months since you started dating. Everything’s going pretty well in your relationship except that you are in no exception for fights and misunderstandings. Everyone says it’s normal in every relationship but for you who has barely had a serious relationship like what you currently have with Sungjin, it’s a foreign feeling trying to make amends with someone you’re romantically involved with and had to choose the next move.

This is the first major fight with him. The last five months of dating have been wonderful until weeks ago when you noticed that your boyfriend started withdrawing himself from you, physically and emotionally. This stressed you out though you still tried your best to be there for him. Whenever you two are alone, you couldn’t really talk to him about anything for more than five minutes. His mind obviously wandering off and he never realizes it when you stop mid-sentence until you’re parting ways. Whenever you try to ask what’s been bothering him, he just easily dismisses it off, saying he’s tired and he lacks sleep—which is also why you tried to limit your meetings after classes and dates, thinking it would help him a bit to spare a few more hours to rest. This side of Sungjin is completely new to you as you’ve known him for being so straightforward in telling what he thinks or feels and is usually logical with his actions. The fact that he no longer shares what’s bothering him makes you think of a hundred different reasons for being cold towards you.

Has he had enough of you? Did he realize you were too plain and boring for his liking? Were you not good in bed? Did he find someone else?

The blood on your face drained at the thought of Sungjin going out with some other girl. But you can’t stop him if that’s what he wants, can you? You can’t tell him how to feel. Of all the things, to be an obsessive girlfriend is one you’re dreading the most and after all the sacrifices and adjustments you made to try to help him with whatever burden he’s lifting, you’re determined to let him find the answers to his troubles himself. It’s not that you no longer want to help him, you love him too much, after all, but how can you help someone who refuses to help himself?

“Sweetie, have you tried talking to him again lately?” your friend, Yejin asked.

You glared at her and disappointment crossed your face. Has she really been listening to ask that question?

“No, I mean, I thought the last real conversation you had personally was like, what, almost two weeks ago? Did you try seeing him after class again after that?”

The three of you sat at your usual place in the coffee shop when your class was canceled by the professor to attend some personal matters.

Shaking your head, you reached for your cup and took a sip before answering. “I haven’t. He kept saying he’s tired and needs sleep so I gave him time to rest. And it’s been four days of merely receiving a text message from him. He won’t text me unless I text him first. I have no idea what’s happening to him,” you looked at Erin’s direction. “Did JB say anything?”

“That motherfucker doesn’t tell me any of his friends’ business, Y/N, but let me see if I can get anything.”

Even your friends who got closer to your boyfriend can’t think of him as someone who would cheat or be entertained by other girls. After a whole hour at the coffee shop trying to guess the possible reasons for Sungjin’s actions,  they suggested a silly plan of making him jealous to see how he responds when you’re on the brink of being taken away from him.

You did not like the idea. It was ridiculous and manipulative. You’re no longer in high school.  

“Come on, that could be a wake-up call for him. Just think of it as a social experiment and you’ll be fine,” Yejin tried to persuade you.

Ridiculously scary. Deep down, you’re also scared of how he will react to this plan. What if the situation worsens instead of getting better? He could just not talk to you again forever and you'll be dwelling in your own pain alone because of a stupid idea. But doing something is better than sulking and doing nothing, right? You’re young, and when you’re young, you can be stupid for free.

So you agreed and you started planning your own little scheme with your friends, hoping not to cause any further damage to your entire relationship.

For days, Erin made up stories about a guy from your class who is making a move on you and told her boyfriend about the plan to make Sungjin jealous. When JB said his best friend interrogated him about the innocent guy, she knew the plan will be going well so she came up with another without telling you.

As a celebration for the nearing end of the finals, your seniors decided to throw a grand party. Such parties should be considered a tradition already since almost everyone finds an excuse to get wasted after studying hard for the whole semester. You’re not one to miss such a celebration, especially when you ever really party during after the hell week.

Overhearing JB’s conversations with his girlfriend about some dude lurking around you has brought him back to his senses. For the last couple of days, he contemplated and reflected on his attitude towards you. He’s been a jerk to you lately and frankly, he didn’t know how to approach you again after that. He’s been too occupied in his own head that he forgot he actually has you now, someone who’s more than willing to share his troubles. Before he knew it, he was dashing through his car to the party where Yejin told him you’d be.

You came to the party to try to not overthink the problem between you and Sungjin. After surviving the finals week with emotional baggage, you know you deserve some booze to celebrate walking out of at least one thing alive. the last thing you hear about your little scheme with your friends is that Sungjin fired questions to JB. But he didn’t talk to you after that. Thankfully, you were also too busy to worry about your grades and it’s been a great distraction so far. Now that the finals are over, you’ll be damned again.

Sungjin found you scooping from a large tub of ice cream from the kitchen, bottles of beer and half-filled party cups surrounding you in the little space. There is a guy beside you laughing at the way you’re trying to scoop a frozen solid treat using a regular spoon. You’re too focused on what you’re doing that you didn’t see him come right in front of you.

To your surprise, Sungjin snatched the tub out of grasp and grabbed your hand. You needed a second to process what just happened but you are elated to see your boyfriend after nearly three weeks.

You let Sungjin pull you but were shocked when the guy beside you grabbed on your other wrist. What the hell? You didn’t even know his name. You saw Sungjin squint at the nameless guy and you immediately yanked away from him, wincing at the sudden jerk of your own hand immediately after.

Sungjin kept you to his chest as he waded through the sea of drunk people. All the while, you kept looking at his face. It felt months since you’ve been this close to him and at that moment, you were just ready to feed on whatever excuse he could say. He could lie to your face at that moment and you’d still be happy to welcome him back into your arms.

Merely a few feet from his car, you stopped walking and tugged on his arm. You slowly closed the distance between you two and encircled your arms around his shoulders when he turned to look at you.

Sungjin looked at your face closely, noticing you’ve lost some weight by the way the dimple on your left poked your cheek a bit deeper than the last time he saw you. His hands automatically found their way at your sides.

“I miss you so much,” you whispered while searching his eyes.

Sungjin leaned forward and kissed you feverishly. He guided you on your back until you are leaning toward his parked car. He pressed his body against you and you continued kissing until you both needed to gasp for some air. After resting for a few seconds, he began nipping and sucking on the sensitive area on your neck.

Proper communication be damned—you need him to touch you and you need it as soon as possible. You squirmed beneath him to try to close your legs when you felt wetness pooling in your panties but Sungjin’s left leg was pressed between your thighs.

He understood what you’re trying to do and immediately pressed a thigh against your core, amused to feel your wetness even through the material of your panties. His cock twitched inside his pants.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m sorry,” he repeated as he embraced you tightly and kissed your temple before opening the door and letting you inside his car drove away.

Sungjin's hands quickly reached for the zipper of your dress, letting it pool around your feet, as soon as you reached inside his apartment. In an instant, his mouth was back against yours. He lifted both your thighs to circle his hips and your arms circled his broad shoulders for support.

You felt his hard shaft poking your entrance and you reached down to undo the fastening of his pants, pulling the waistband down just enough to free his throbbing cock.

Sungjin hissed when you grabbed his cock and spread the leaking precum over his tip. “Shit-”

You bobbed your hand up and down his length until you felt being laid down on the mattress, your boyfriend hovering over you.

He bucked his hips lightly to your touch and buried his head on your shoulders, to suppress his sinful moans.

You felt his body shake and he peeled himself off of you. “Baby, stop.”

Sungjin lifted his body and kissed the side of your head before reaching out to remove your soaked panties. He kissed and occasionally nipped the inside of your thighs before nudging the tip of his nose along your slit.

“Fuck, Sungjin stop tea—” you shrieked and were cut short when he licked a stip between your folds. Your hands immediately found purchase at his hair, tugging at it every time he licked your core and sucked on your clit.

“Language, baby,” he groaned hoarsely before inserting a finger into you. He continued his ministrations to your core, adding a second and third finger shortly after. “Need to stretch you up a bit more, baby. Damn, you got tighter without my cock deep inside you huh.”

You tried to stop Sungjin’s hands when you felt your release nearing. But he didn’t budge. He even picked up the pace and encouraged you to let go.

“Are you cumming, baby?”

You bit your bottom lip and nodded, unable to stitch words at the pleasure of having him between your thighs again.

“Words, baby. Use your words. Did you miss this? My hands and cock working on your pussy?”

“Sungjin—fuck, yes, I missed you and your cock inside me” you breathed and struggled to look him in the eye. “I missed you fucking me after classes.”

The memories of Sungjin fucking you in the most boring places brought you easily over the edge. In a few seconds, you are shaking uncontrollably and you felt your juices streaming out of your core deliciously.

Sungjin smirked as he leered at your pussy leaking out of cum. His hands didn’t cease its movements and continued to fuck you with his hands. Your whole body is almost quivering.

When he sensed you’re nearing your second orgasm, he grabbed his cock and positioned himself at your entrance. He coated himself with your juices before slowly pushing inside of you.

You stiffen for a short moment, trying to adjust to his size, and then slightly rolled your hips.

“I love you,” Sungjin whispered against your ear. “I love you, Y/N,” he repeated, this time against your lips, before bottoming out and sheathing himself inside you again.

You cried out in pleasure as he started to thrust into you harder and chased your orgasm.

Sungjin remained sheathed inside you even after shooting his load, his cock warming itself pretty nicely inside your pussy as he cuddled you on the bed.

Neither of you attempted to strike a conversation. You were not sure about him but the activity rendered you rather tired. A sound sleep while being cuddled would be much appreciated at that moment. Until you heard Sungjin sigh loudly. You looked over at him and saw his eyes being distant again.

“You have that look again,” you started slowly. You propped yourself in one arm, looked at him with adoration, and stroke his cheek. “Babe, you don’t have to tell me everything all at once. But please, don’t push me away. I love you and it’s hard for me to see you suffer on your own.”

He was fazed by the sadness in your voice. How could he ever deserve a girl like you? The last thing he wanted is to disappoint and burden you with his own problems and he thought at first he’s been doing a great job with it.  

Sungjin took a deep breath. He reached for your hand on his cheek and kissed it, bringing your torso against his once again. All the major problems that took the most space in his mind were spilled. He told you the pressure his family is bestowing upon him with the graduation and board exams around the corner and also their expectations for him to continue the business his father started.

You listened to his troubles. At that moment you knew you just needed to understand him, to try to perceive things in his shoes.

Sungjin isn’t the type of person who openly shares every little trouble he has as he’s afraid to burden other people. He believes everyone already has problems of their own and own demons to fight and dumping his worries could just add to that. But, oddly enough, hearing himself talk about it kind of helped to look at the situation again and evaluate his feelings and actions. As he continued to tell you his worries, he realized that it isn’t so bad to share the burden with your most trusted person.

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