#and clearly toni fucking up the shelter is not the first time she's destroyed something

[kashimos-hajime]

scorched | s.r. + b.b.

summary: “You utterly destroyed me, you know that? I loved you more than I needed to breathe and you just walked away. I lost everything and you walked away.”

WARNINGS: swearing, angst, violence, a post-endgame rant wrapped up as a fic pairing: steve x fem!reader, bucky x fem!reader word count: 7.3k

a/n: inspired by praying by kesha. written for @coffee-with-bucky​​ and her 2k challenge! congrats lyn :) my prompt was “i failed you. i failed everyone.”and i’d be lying if i said i wasn’t inspired by @heli0s-writes​​ and her series “as it was”. check her out! she’s one of my favourite writers on this site!

“She’s not at the compound,” Sam says, not at all surprised to see him and almost resentful, defensive. His phone is still in hand, screen alit from the text Steve sent him a few minutes ago. Everything he left behind is still here by the lake.

Almost everything.

It’s a ghost town.

“But she doesn’t want to see you anyway.”

“Sam—”

“Five hours for you was five, very long years for us,” he continues, but his tone softens when he catches sight of Steve’s face. Absolutely crushed, eyebrows weighed down, shoulders hunched forward, defeated. “She’s different, now. She’s not the woman you left.”

The mere mention of you makes Steve’s heart, already choked with dread, crack.

“And you shouldn’t go, man. It wouldn’t be good for her after all this time.”

Before, maybe Sam would’ve thought of Steve first, but there’s a distance, a yawning gap standing between them now. Sam was here for the bitter consequences of his departure—Steve wasn’t, and he knows they must’ve been shattering, terrifying, because by the way Sam is so cold about it, he doesn’t want to remember it.

“I made a mistake, Sam. I can’t let her go on thinking I don’t regret what I did.” He looks out at the lake where he passed the shield and mantle and responsibilities on to the man before him before he left, and the sun hits the lake so clearly that his breath nearly catches. You loved swimming, propelling circles around him in the blue-green pool at the compound, splashing it into his eyes. Laughing and laughing and laughing because you’re so limber on land but here you’re definitely a fish out of water.

Funny, funny, funny.

“She won’t care.”

“She has to.”

“Look, man. I’m trying to save you some pain.” Sam puts a hand out, hovering before his chest as if he stopped himself, as if he doesn’t even want to touch Steve, and the blond swallows the painful little knot in his throat. “It’s too late, and I know you want to think better late than never, but she’s changed. Things have changed.”

“That won’t stop me from trying,” Steve murmurs, walking around Sam to where a car is parked. His car. The damned car he drove to Tony’s funeral. He’s sure the keys are still in the cupholder beside your old coffee cup. He wonders who drove you home.

Sam? Bucky?

Who held a body with a heart that was tearing apart while he was chasing some fruitless daydream?

“Dude, the woman you knew is gone,” Sam calls, but Steve doesn’t listen. “You need to leave.”

“No, Sam. We made a promise to wait for each other.”

Okay, clause one: we wait for each other no matter what. Clause two: no matter what happens, we promise to work everything out. Clause three: this love is forever. Sign here.

I can’t believe you’re making me sign a fake contract for something we know won’t change, doll.

It’s a real contract because I wrote it, and it’s just for fun, anyway. I would never love anyone else besides you.

“That doesn’t matter. She’s fucking Barnes anyway.”

That stops him in his tracks. Blood freezing over in his body, he turns to look at Sam in his leather jacket and washed jeans, arms crossed tightly over his chest. His eyes are impassive, severe, and dark with blunt honesty.

“Look, they’re happy. So can you just… leave? Go back to the forties. Settle down anywhere but here, because she is happy and so is he. Do you know how long it took for them to even think about trying to move past you?”

“Wait—” The word comes out ripped, hoarse, and he feels the blood drain from his legs as he takes a step back—

“You should just go.”

For a moment, Steve’s eyes, wide and impossibly guilty, shine with tears. At the thought of you with some other man—somehow the possibility never crossed his mind. In his mind, you are the girl who shelters underneath his arm when it thunders, who tucks her face into his chest when the movie is too scary, who peppers his faces with kisses and makes him lemonade after a good training session, who puts flower crowns on his head when they spend a weekend outside the city and makes apple pies so fulfilling he could cry, who would never love another man because you are so wholly, helplessly, in love with him.

And he left you anyway.

So he nods, because he deserves this.

He deserves this, and he leaves.

.

The wind is warm against his cheeks as he tries to think how he ended up here in Puerto Vallarta, although he does know. Sam dropped him off here with a mission that’ll hopefully lead to another, and you can build a new life for yourself, Steve. One without her in it. If you need something, you know you can call me.

An arms deal. He got a tipoff from one of his CIs that it’s happening tonight by the docks, because he needs his own resources now. There is no Ross, no Tony, no Natasha, no one on his side.

His body yearns for a fight, and he gets it when he hears a soft voice down the docks, speaking in British English, just barely over the lap of the ocean. Crouching behind a metal freight container, he tries to distinguish the voices. At least three bodies, all armed, and his target. One of the biggest arms dealers in Britain down here to make a deal.

Steve, darting out from his cover and to the fire escape by the warehouse, catches a glimpse of the silhouettes of the men waiting. Their shadows are long against the concrete of the dock. The metal clangs underneath his boots as he slowly climbs the steps.

“Where is this woman?” the first man asks roughly, impatience laced through his tone as Steve pulls himself onto the roof. Feet pattering over the metal roof of the warehouse, he keeps himself crouched as the warm, golden sunlight filters through the oily heat. He’s sweating through the kevlar suit he’s got strapped on, and droplets beads around his forehead as he adjusts the shield gauntlets along his wrists.

“She said seven, sir.”

“Tardiness,” the man tsks. “We should’ve known better than to deal with the likes of her. What did I say?”

“That you shouldn’t trust an American, sir.”

“Precisely.��� Leaning over the roof, Steve spots the man in question speaking, his suit glowing from the lamplight he stands beneath and he grips the edge of the roof, frowning. The buyer and the seller in one foul swoop. A car door slams and he blinks, tearing his eyes away from his count of at least twelve men, three standing around crates and the other around the man complaining.

A woman steps out of the car, pocketing her phone as she walks towards the illuminated circle, and he frowns, narrowing his eyes. Her face is covered by hair that sways with her every step, but her figure is outlined by the fit of her pantsuit. Even through the clothes, he can see the curve of muscle, the purpose in her step.

A dangerous woman.

“Sorry for the hold up,” she calls out, her voice smooth, rich with confidence. Steve frowns as she stops just outside the circle of light, her silhouette illuminated by warm, rusty orange and cloaked in shadow. “You wouldn’t believe the legalities surrounding contraband in America,” she continues teasingly. “Let me see.”

The man jerks his head to one of his henchman by the crates who cracks it open revealing sleek black rifles, laser sights, silver canisters with a bar along the sides: EMPs, grenades of all kinds. “Is it to your satisfaction?”

“It is. I’m docked in bay four. My men will meet yours there,” she says and head honcho nods. It’s a sign for the three men to pick up one crate each and begin their slow trail up the docks. The crates are massive things, hard black metal that softly rattles with every sway and Steve’s ears prick as the woman steps closer, her heels sharp against concrete.

“I assume this concludes our business, ma’am. It has been a profitable few months. I hope you find your new treasures… helpful in your endeavors.”

“Oh, I’d love to keep communications open. You’ve been a wonderful seller, and as you know, I pay handsomely for quality goods.” Despite his previous irritation, the boss seems to straighten, smiling almost as the men around look at each other. Money. It all comes down to money.

“Of course. My London warehouse, as you know, is open to you should you find yourself across the sea.”

“Perfect. Pleasure doing business with you.” It is then that she steps into the light, and Steve’s eyes narrow at the glint of metal on her ears and in her hair as she reaches forward to shake the man’s hand.

And twist it behind his back, using him as a body shield between her and his henchmen. Her other hand goes to her head, pulling out the pin and digging it gently into the man’s throbbing vein at his neck. It sits comfortably in her palm, almost as if it is molded for her and Steve’s muscles tense, blood rushing to his fingertips.

“Shoot her, now.”

“Watch it, Fitz,” hisses the woman, voice low. She digs the tip of the pin deeper. In the washed lamplight, Steve can see the curve of the blade, the hoop her finger slots into. A throwing knife. “I want you out of this situation alive.”

The knife trails down his body to his thigh and she wraps her fingers tighter around the handle.

Schluck.

The man’s scream rings in Steve’s ears as she tosses the man aside, diving to a stack of wooden crates. Wood and stone splinters beneath the force of bullets following at her heels but she simply unclasps one of her earrings, presses a button and throws it over the crates.

There’s a moment of silence as the men stare at the device at their feet before there is an explosion of smoke. He watches as the woman vaults over the crates and sprints into the cloud and Steve leaps off the roof, pumping his arms to activate his shield gauntlets.

The first man he comes into contact with lets out a startled scream as Steve punches his lights out and his blood is singing. Smoke burns at his eyes and thickens in his lungs as he whirls around, spotting a shadow of a man and he runs toward him, sweeping out a leg to take him down before slamming his knuckles into his nose until he’s knocked out cold and there’s a painful grunt behind him, the resounding collapse of a body that has no intention of getting up again.

Bullets whiz past his face, slamming into concrete and flesh as something rushes past him and he grabs the charging man, swinging his whole body weight into his arms and bringing them both crashing into the ground. The smell of sweat leaks into his mouth as he shoves the curve of his shield into the henchman’s stomach. Once. Twice. Thrice.

The man is rolled over, eyes scrunched tight, when Steve gets off of him.

Eyes straining through the smoke, he watches as a shadow charges at two figures, latching onto the first man and striking the geezer behind him with a power kick to the chest with both legs. The second man stumbles back just as the shadow swings her legs back and brings the first man down to the ground.

Natasha.

That was something he’d seen Natasha practice a hundred times over.

The thought makes his blood run cold and he pauses for a moment, the smoke beginning to thin out as she rolls over the first man and takes down the second with two punches to the gut and a knee to the nose. 

Natasha.

This can’t be real. No. Natasha is dead.

Unless they brought her back.

No, Sam would’ve told him, wouldn’t he?

He’s not sure anymore. 

His throat cinches shut at the thought of the redhead, of the woman who’d been by his side for years, who encouraged him to fall in love with you. Maybe it’s Natasha’s ghost haunting him, taunting him with some lookalike spy, reminding him of his mistake, and he feels himself paralyzed. The memories, the smile of hers before they went back in time— He’d felt so exhausted at the responsibility of it all, the five years of his failure weighing down between his shoulders. It all rushes back to him: your wobbling lips, brave face on his brave girl, fingers digging into his suit, ordering him to come home safe, Natasha’s coy little smile.

See you in a minute.

Strong legs wrap around his abdomen and he lets out a grunt, yanked out of his dazed state as he wrenches the attacker off his back. The woman falls with smack but her fingers dig into his wrists. Her legs wrap around his arm, dragging him down with her.

Steve pitches forward, tumbling forward as she slams his hand into the concrete. His skull collides with the ground and he squeezes his eyes tight, pain blooming from the back of his head. A sharp knee digs into his other elbow and he sucks in a deep breath, eyes fluttering open to a blurry face.

“No.” The word comes out choked and he blinks against the streetlight, eyebrows furrowing together and the weight vanishes off of him. “It can’t be.” Sitting up, he feels his head swim in a dull ache, world tilting as the woman takes a step away from him. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

The words ring in his ears, cold, wretched, and he jerks his head up to see your face drained of blood, lips parted, eyes wide. Your shoulders are shaking, chest heaving for air and it rattles in your lungs. Steve can hear your heart pounding, your throat swallowing nothing but wet air.

“Y/N—” He soaks in your figure, the muscle, the confidence, the sharp lines where everything had been soft. You don’t even look too different—you just feel different. He used to sink into your arms thinking of golden sunlight and soft pillows. Now, when he looks at you, he thinks of serrated edges, ironwire bones. You’ve lost your heels in the fight, but you look taller than he’s ever seen you. “You’re… it’s you.”

“Steve.” For a moment, your voice is choked up and your expression softens as you scan his face, but then you tear your eyes away. Your hair is chopped shorter for practicality, just barely past your shoulders. It suits you. Suits the girl he loves, the girl he doesn’t know anymore. “Steve.”

“Are you hurt?” He reaches for you but you shrink back like he’s burned you. This isn’t who you are. You’ve never been a fighter, yet here you stand, pantsuit a bit scuffed but otherwise untouched, and his stomach twists into a Gordian knot. This is what Sam was warning him about. The snake in the garden come to life. “What are you doing here? You could’ve gotten hurt, doll—”

“Don’t call me that. You don’t have that right anymore,” you spit, voice pure poison. He pushes himself to his feet just as something makes you pause and your eyebrows knit together, raising your left wrist where a watch is strapped on. His head is spinning from his skull cracking against concrete and the new revelation that the girl he knows is a stranger again. He wobbles for a moment, arms out to the side as he tries to regain his bearings but you don’t so much as give him another second of your attention. “Docks are secure, Fury. Fitz is ready for pickup. I’ll send London co-ordinates when I get back to base.”

Steve glances at the bleeding man still panicking about the knife sticking out of his leg, and you go over to him, hauling him to his feet. The man shivers, whimpers when he puts weight on his injured leg but you give no hint that you care. As if on cue, a helicopter swerves through the air, rotors sending powerful gales of air down to the ground as it lowers itself to the ground and you look at Steve with a cold disinterest, hand a fist around Fitz’s collar.

“Believe it or not, I’m not just Captain America’s pretty little girlfriend anymore.”

“I just want to talk—”

“There’s nothing I want to say to you.” Turning around, you lug Fitz into the helicopter with a strength Steve doesn’t recognize and you climb onto the chopper with a grace he knows didn’t exist before he left you.

Don’t go. Please don’t go. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.

“I’m going back to the compound,” you say over the loud gusts of wind whipping at the ground. “You’ll find Bucky there, if that’s who you’re really here for because if I wasn’t enough for you then, then I certainly won’t be enough for you now.” Pulling back into the helicopter, you yank the door shut with a slam, and Steve watches as it rises, a steady ascension to a place where he can’t follow.

His stomach twists, his whole body wracked with a shaking agony as his heart pushes itself up your throat. Falling to his knees, he keens over and throws up, acid splashing between his hands. He vomits out his heart, every inch of warmth you’ve ever given him so freely, every smile he’s taken for granted, the taste of your smile after you’ve made those apple pies.

He’s left hollowed out, colder than death.

He wants to cry, but even his mind tells him you don’t deserve to cry for the woman you chased away, so he laughs. Laughs until they turn into tears, and even then they don’t feel real. His body is unwilling to yield to the possibility of defeat, and yet here he is.

It was a one in a million chance for us both to survive that Snap, Steve. And Thanos destroyed the stones. If we can’t find a way to bring them back… maybe the only thing we can do now is move on.

Some people move on. But not us... Not us

Take your ring and give it to the girl you really love because it isn’t me.

Steve’s shock. There was less of a protest, only your determination to stop your lip from trembling, the tears already falling from glassy eyes. Grief bit him in the stomach, but yearning tugged his heart toward the platform.

If all you could think about in the ten years we were together was Peggy, I don’t see why I should stop you.

Y/N, you know I love you.

Not enough.

.

The compound is different. Different plot of land, different inhabitants, different facilities. He pulls up in the lot where the Avengers sign is carved into the stone and he walks the grounds, grounds he used to know but this is different soil.

Another man’s grounds.

“Steve,” Sam says, cautious on the track. He’s wearing a tee-shirt and shorts, skin glistening with sweat and a water bottle in hand. He’s got a comm link in his ear and it glows blue for a moment before muting itself. There are a few recruits running a few laps and Steve eyes them wearily before approaching Sam. His beard was shaved two days ago, his hair chopped clean even though it makes him more noticeable now. He hopes no one says anything about the old Captain America pathetically dragging himself back to a place he tried to run from. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. told me you came in.”

“Yeah. I… I just wanted to see Bucky.” Your name bites at his tongue and it takes all his strength not to confess what happened down in Mexico before Sam glances behind him to a building he doesn’t recognize. It’s connected to the main facility by a long tunnel but there are doors to the track as well, and they open just as Steve fixes his gaze on it.

Two figures stumble out of the building, a piercing shriek splitting the air with glee as one of them runs away from the other. Even from the distance, Steve can see the metal glint of Bucky’s arm, your favourite swimsuit strapped to your body. Bucky’s holding onto something as he chases after you and you barrel through the grass, towel cloaking your shoulders.

“They’re happy, man,” Sam murmurs lowly as they get onto the track and you’re still running but you’re no match for a super soldier. Bucky scoops you up, tossing aside his water gun and wrapping you in a huge hug from behind. “Even if Barnes wants to see you, do you think she does?”

“I already saw her in Mexico,” he utters softly. You’re laughing so loudly it makes Steve’s chest explode with light. You thrash in Bucky’s arms and he pretends to nip at your skin, growl into your ear as you tug at the towel around your neck. You’re… you. Just as he left you. Nothing like Mexico. “Why is she in the field, now? She’s not a soldier.”

“That’s for her to explain, not me. I don’t get to try to describe the hell you put her through, Steve.” Bucky puts you down and your feet in those strappy tan sandals sink into the grass as you spin around. You plant a kiss gently on Bucky’s lips, using the corner of your towel to wipe away drips from his hair before stealing another kiss. Steve’s mouth tingles, burning uncomfortably and he looks away. That used to be him, leaving the pool, smelling like chlorine and sweat and then popsicles to cool down because nothing screamed summer like fruit popsicles and swimming.

“Steve?” A tentative voice calls and Steve’s eyes refocus to the source on reflex. You’re staring at him, eyes narrowed into knife points and you hold Bucky’s arm to your chest, your fingers entwined with his as his old friend walks towards him. “Steve— you’re back? What are you… what are you doing here?”

“Guess the past isn’t where I belong,” he says with a forced smile that digs into his cheeks and Bucky lets go of your hand to hug him but his lips are parted, his eyes wide. He doesn’t believe this is real and when Steve meets your eyes over Bucky’s shoulder, your gaze is burning. Bucky’s arms squeeze around Steve tighter, tight enough that even he can’t breathe. He’s shattered in his arms, Bucky is, and Steve can only hold him.

“Let’s go inside,” Sam says, ever the mediator. Steve looks at him but his eyes are on you, and Bucky’s pulling back and then his eyes are on you, too. All eyes on you and your worried lip between your teeth. You’re tanned, toned, and your hair is shining underneath the summer sun as Bucky steps away from Steve as well. As if the euphoria of having his best friend is gone—it is. He chose a daydream over his family. “You guys need to get dry.”

“Yeah,” Bucky murmurs, eyes darkening as they linger on Steve’s face. Soaking him in, thinking a thousand miles a minute, trying to sort through whatever storm lingers in his head. His eyebrows hood his gaze as he lowers his head and Steve can see him slip away as you take Bucky’s hand, cup his face, and turn him away.

“Popsicles, yeah? Gotta get the last ones before Wanda steals ‘em away,” you whisper and Bucky’s nose brushes against your head before they begin to walk away. Bucky’s shoulders are hunched over and you’ve got an arm around his waist, and there is something sacred in the way his head brushes against yours, the way his arm drapes around your shoulders. The way his fingers play with the fluffy towel around you, bringing the corner of it to your wet cheek. The way you step in tandem. 

Something tender, something hallowed, something not his.

You’d been sharp and scorched in Mexico. In Bucky’s presence, you are nothing but dewy grass and a gentle fire, and he sees the tension ease in your shoulders despite a knot lingering in your back.

Once you’d been soft like cotton clouds like it was your nature, eager to stay away from the fight. You were just the receptionist at Stark Towers and Steve had fallen first, so eager to protect you because you were kind, gentle, funny and you didn’t care about who he was. Just that he was Steve and you were you.

I can’t let anything happen to you. You can’t protect yourself against these guys, Y/N. They’re… they’re monsters.

And he left you to them anyway, in a world still struggling to find itself repopulated and alive—

I failed you. I failed everyone.

The realization devastates him. No matter how hard he tried to fix the world, he destroyed his life anyway.

“Come on, man. If you wanna talk, we should do it in private,” Sam says. Steve follows him numbly into a building he doesn’t know anymore.

.

You’re sitting with your legs bent and angled in towards Bucky, playing with a butterfly knife that flows too easily between your nimble fingers. Sam sits on the leather seat and Steve leans back into the sofa as you bite softly into your red popsicle. Strawberry. Your favourite.

Bucky’s sucking down a blue one but his face is placid, eyes burning into the glass table between them as Sam sits down with a cup of coffee he had offered to make for Steve. The blade flips over your index finger, and then back around again. Your hair is stringy and wet, tied away from your face as you set down the knife and turn to Bucky, eyes searching. You brush his hair away from his face even though it’s cropped shorter now and smile even though he doesn’t focus on you.

He doesn’t miss Bucky’s hand around the curve of your thigh, holding you to him as if you’ll slip away otherwise. He fights the nasty remark pounding against his teeth—that’s his girl his best friend’s got his hand on—but he knows it isn’t his place anymore. Steve watches you lick sweet strawberry melt from your lips, trail your fingers along Bucky’s head delicately and pull his temple towards you for a quick peck.

It’s almost as if Bucky wakes up at your touch, and he turns to you. He searches too, scans your gaze and Steve feels like he’s intruding on a moment so he looks into his lap.

“So?” Sam prompts, tearing everyone out of whatever bubble they’ve encased themselves in and pulling them back into harsh reality. “Who wants to go first?”

There’s silence where Bucky puts down his popsicle stick on the bowl brought out, blue melt sliding down the wood slowly as you bite down on the last of your own treat.

“Steve?” Bucky’s voice is quiet, accepting already.

“I have so many things to say and I don’t even know how to say any of it, but I know to apologize,” the blond says after a moment of hesitation. His breath keeps catching in your throat and you lean forward to drop off your own stick by Bucky’s, almost a statement to his own words. “I’m sorry.”

“For?” Sam asks for clarity, but Steve entertains the notion that maybe even his friend wants to draw it out of him.

“I didn’t know what I had until I lost it.” Steve makes a point to meet three pairs of eyes except you refuse to look at him, instead staring into Bucky’s lap like he doesn’t even exist, like you don’t exist either. “I should’ve stayed. Should’ve thought it through and realized that... everything I had back then is everything I had here.”

“Is that all?” Bucky stares at him with something like pity, something like jealousy, and Steve knows it has all to do with the woman in his arms. Ten years of conflict to push lovers together compared to five years of overcoming heartache because of one man. Steve would be jealous—had been jealous of Steve of 2012. 2012 Steve had a whole decade of love waiting for him and he has none. “Are you here to stay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

“If you think you can come here and have everything that was yours just given to you on a silver platter, then you’re wrong,” you speak up for the first time and it sucks all the warmth out of the room. Bucky turns to you, hand raising from your thigh to brush a wet strand of hair away from your cheek and you clench your jaw, lips pressed together. “We built our lives without you in it.”

“Y/N.” He leans forward, elbows on his knees but you seem to shrink away from him, eyes tortuously meeting his.

“You leaving me was the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me,” you whisper with a rage unbridled, unchained, just barely containing itself from exploding. “It made me realize how much stronger I am then you have ever given me credit for.”

“You weren’t that girl when I met you.” Soft girl with sunshine smiles and gauzy white dresses—lemonade pitchers, tulip gardens—you weren’t that girl, Steve’s mind protests but when you unwind from the couch, stretch every languid muscle in your body, he wonders if he ever saw you as anything more than someone he had to protect.  

“I believed you when you said I couldn’t fight.” You stand, gazing openly at him and he swallows at the hopelessness residing in your gaze, still there after five years. “That I wasn’t enough like you to even try to help. All I ever was to you was some pretty little thing who was scared to fight back and maybe I was because you sheltered me for ten fucking years.” Your voice twists with pain, overflowing with a frustration of lost time and pure, pure sadness. “You leaving me made me stand on my own two feet again.”

Bucky reaches forward to take your hand when they all see it tremble but you simply roll it into a fist and step away.

“You put me through hell, Steve. I had to learn how to fight for myself because you weren’t there. Because you left me for some fucking daydream.” For a moment, he thinks you soften because your eyebrows fall and you close your eyes. The muscle in your jaw ticks, your nose twitches, and when you open your eyes again, they are glassy with tears. “You utterly destroyed me, you know that? I loved you more than I needed to breathe and you just walked away. I lost everything and you walked away.”

Tony. Natasha. Boss. Best friend. Colleague. Sister.

“How could you do that?” you whimper, blinking as tears scorch down your cheeks and you wipe them away angrily with the heel of your hand. “How could you just look at me, look at Sam, look at Bucky, and think that there is nothing worth staying for?” You throw out your hand helplessly, waiting for an answer that won’t come and Steve chews on the inside of his cheek, throat swelling shut.

“It felt like minutes,” Bucky says at last, and the darkness in the room, the stifled feeling in Steve’s chest eases only a tad because Bucky is not nearly as thunderous as you are. You twist to look at him, arms crossed over your chest and Sam reaches to touch your arm, fingers wrapped around your bicep. You spare him a glance before looking at Bucky. “We died, we came back five years later, and it only felt like minutes.”

“Bucky—”

“You chose to leave what felt like minutes after I died, after Sam died, and when Y/N told me what happened… Steve…” A shuddering convulses down his throat and Bucky looks down into his lap. You unfold your arms and immediately go to sink into the couch, wrapping an arm around Bucky. Your eyes pin him down, red-rimmed with unshed tears, accusing: you did this to an already broken man.

“I’m so sorry, Buck.” The apology sounds plastic in his mouth with how many times he’s said it, thought it. “I’m so sorry.” He says it again anyways, and he directs it at the two other bodies in the room. You gauge his expression, watch him like he’ll vanish in a flash of smoke.

“I was happy for you if leaving meant I never had to see you again. I know you deserve a happy ending, Steve. You deserve rest more than anyone I know,” he says, “but you need to know what you want before you decide to risk it all. You can’t come crawling back for second chances because there are none. You don’t come back and have everything stay the same. There’s a price every time you give something up.” He looks up, eyes like clear water. There’s nothing angry in his old friend’s gaze, just drained. “If you’re here to stay, you better be sure that this is what you want in the end.” And then Bucky is up, rubbing at his face like he’s tired rather than an inch from crying. Steve watches him go—they all do—silently, and then you look at Sam who gets up to follow.

There’s a moment when you meet eyes with Steve and he can feel the love you swaddled him in for ten years, through the Snap, through the Accords. No matter where he was, you were there.

Then that love disappears.  

“I want you to hurt like you made me hurt,” you begin softly, hands folded in your lap, t-shirt hanging off your frame, stuffed into your shorts. “Like you still make me hurt. I want you to wake up crying, I want you to rub your face raw, I want you to stay awake all night just wondering why this has happened. I want nothing more than you begging on your knees for something you can’t stop no matter how hard you try because somehow you just aren’t enough.”

He closes his eyes, lets your words devour him whole.

“Bucky was there,” you continue quietly. “He was there for me in a way you never were. He drove me home after you left. Told me that the best was yet to come. That I just couldn’t see it yet, and I didn’t believe him. For the longest time, I didn’t believe a single word he said.”

“Until you did.”

“Until one day, I looked at him and told him I know. That I know, one day, things will change,” you agree and something melts in your voice when you speak of Bucky. Kindred souls, the same heartache lurking still in chests just beginning to warm from love again. “Maybe it hurt less that day so I decided that I have to accept that this was my life now or maybe I was just so sick of crying that I told myself that this isn’t who I’m going to be. I don’t know. I just woke up one day, and he asked if I wanted to go swimming. First summer after everyone came back, and I wanted to say no, but I just had to say yes because it was swimming, and it was Bucky, and he was barely holding it together but here he was… taping and gluing me like I was some abstract project.” You chuckle, a wet sound, before glancing down at your knees. There is something you’re not telling him, and he knows it’s something secret to you and Bucky alone, so he doesn’t push it. Doesn’t ask—his chest already feels like it’s cracked open. “Some of the pieces won’t ever fit again.”

“Bucky,” Steve says, “did he train you?”

“Yeah.” Explains a Black Widow move. You sound proud, but not of yourself, of your own feats and talent, but of him. “He encouraged it. Said it was only right I knew how to fight.” Steve’s stomach turns and he looks down to swallow. Bile is burning in his throat. The threads of his heart are tearing.

“I know it’s all I’ve been saying, but I’m sorry. I… I just tried to protect you in every way I could.”

“I know.” Your words are soft against his battered ears, and he looks up at you sitting there, ramrod straight but a certain gentleness that reminds him of the past. “I know you loved me in the way you could.” Clutching, grasping, desperate not to lose another woman he loves. “When you saw Peggy, did you just decide that that was easier?”

“I don’t know,” he admits. “I just felt like I was missing something. Something…”

“... you couldn’t find here?”

“Just something.”

You ruminate on that, eyes fixed on the popsicle sticks and Steve rubs his hands together, head bowed. The silence is terse but not hostile, and you pick up the butterfly knife on the cushion. You don’t flick it open, just run your thumb over the edge and Steve thinks you might cut him stem to stern before you place it down on the glass table.

“I used to stay up all night wondering where I went wrong,” you say it frankly. It’s not meant to hurt him anymore. You seem tired of being angry, but it’s still there, just there underneath your skin. “I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t eat unless Bucky made me. I would’ve rather starved than live in a world where you didn’t love me, but he said if he had to go on, then so did I. He never asked for anything in return, and I was just so fucking angry at myself that I listened to him just to spite myself. I cried all the time. I didn’t move from my bed for months. Yet, one little part of me,” you murmur, gaze rising to meet his, “always just wanted you to be happy. I wanted so desperately for you to make the right choice because then maybe this would’ve been worth it for you.”

It’s big. Your words hang on imaginary strings around his head, whistling in the faint air conditioned wind, and he clenches his jaw, unable to tear his eyes away from you. Although you’re barely holding yourself together before him, you’re deathly beautiful.

“I’m so glad that you’re so loved,” Steve intones quietly. “I’m so thankful that Bucky loves you.” He doesn’t need eyes to feel it. It’s a quiet thing, unshaking yet fragile as flowers and light as dandelion wisps.

“I didn’t think he did.” You lean back into the couch, tuck your feet underneath yourself and cross your arms over your chest. “It took me a long time to accept that he does, and now he won’t believe that I do, too.”

The confession sinks its teeth into Steve’s throat and threatens to tear his flesh.

“I tell him and I can tell he doesn’t believe me sometimes. No matter how much I want him to, it’s the one thing he can’t believe because…”

You were my girl, Steve thinks.

“He doesn’t believe he’s worth staying for. Worth choosing. You did that to him, you know? Did that to me.”

“I know.”

You stare at him and he looks at you, curled up on the couch. Your face is drying, but that torn expression still sits on your face as you run a hand over your middle, fingers folding as you close your eyes and duck your head.

His eyes trace the gesture, eyebrows knitting together, and then he looks at you because he knows. Because it had been their dream once, and when the fight is over, baby. The world still needs you, Captain America.

He had said, half joking, When will they ever stop needing me?

When you grow old and grey, and another Captain America is ready to take your place.

“Bucky’s?” he asks, body numbing. You nod, raising your eyes to his. “Does he know?”

“No. I only found out a few days after Mexico.” Three weeks ago. “I want to make it past a few more weeks, just to make sure.” You tuck your knees to your chest, arms folded over your abdomen and Steve tries to imagine it swollen with life. No longer lean with muscle but bountiful with a miracle. Blue eyes, blonde hair— no. Not anymore. “Just wanted time.”

Time. It’s all he’s ever wanted, and now…

“I know.”

Now he has none at all.

Your eyes meet his, fluttering and haunted, and he simply meets your gaze. There’s a quiet understanding in that moment as you bring your hands up to hug yourself, and he swallows, leaning back into the couch. His hands rest on his thighs, and your back sinks into the back cushion of your loveseat as he thinks of what to say.

Perhaps there is nothing to say.

Instead, his right hand goes to his pocket where a ring is still pinched tightly in between the creases. The diamond is sharp against his flesh, and he tugs it out carefully before setting it on the glass table between them. You stare at the thing, watch it glint. It’s mocking you, but Steve doesn’t want it and he doesn’t know what else to do.

“It’s always been yours,” he says, pushing it to your side of the table. The diamond scrapes against glass but doesn’t leave a mark. “It’s never been anyone else’s but yours.” The ring clatters against the gass. You’d worn that damned thing for years on end. First it was the Accords, then Wakanda, then the Snap, and he should’ve married you when he had the chance—he should’ve done so much more than what he did.

“Do you love me?” you ask quietly, eyes unmoving from the winking gemstone. The golden band is glowing in the pale lights of the compound as he nods.

“Yes.”

You reach forward to grab it, extend a leg to shove it into the pocket of your shorts, and then you’re sitting there, feet on solid ground again. You gauge him, study him, eyebrows down, lips curved into a soft frown.

“Okay.”

You stand and pick up the knife before grabbing the bowl as well. You clear your throat and look over Steve’s head, at the walls with photographs and paintings and a dartboard by the doorway, and then you look at Steve again.

Your futile attempt at a smile makes Steve smile, just barely, before you walk past him and head for the open kitchen. You set the bowl down in the sink before heading for the hallway, and Steve can hear your step, your off-rhythm breathing.

“Do you love me?” he asks, turning to look at you, and a sigh whispers past his lips as you pause. Your hand is in your pocket as you turn around, playing with the knife or the ring, he doesn’t know.

“You can’t ask me that, Steve.” Your voice is steel, your eyes unforgiving, and that soft girl is swallowed up by the scorched woman, burned by his absence. You haven’t forgiven him. You never will. “Look, I’m going to go find Bucky. We have… we’re going berrypicking in the afternoon, so…”

“Yeah, no, go. Don’t let me keep you.”

“See you tomorrow, Rogers.”

There’s an utter sense of finality to it. A chapter closing permanently and you’re already on the next page.

“See you.”

The door slides shut and you’re gone.

#fic: scorched #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes #steve rogers #bucky barnes fanfiction #steve rogers fanfiction #steve x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fic #steve rogers fic #stucky x reader #steve rogers x you #bucky barnes x you #steve rogers x y/n #bucky barnes x y/n #chris evans #sebastian stan #lyn2k #my writing

[valeriethepussycats]

Assemble

Chapter 11

Pairing- Loki x Reader x Steve (one side)

Warning- cursing

Your thoughts and other characters are in italics.

Your Alter ego name- Red Wing

Jubilee (Jubilation Lee is an runaway from Beverly Hills when she first started to get her powers she would destroy any  electrical device with her hands.) and Kitty (she can walk through anything) are in the living rooms watching Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja when all The electronics starts to go off like an alarm.

“Jean. Storm. What’s going on?” Scott questioned.

“I don’t know. Storm?” Jean asked as she silence the noises.

“If you came here thinking I know where your daughter is you are mistaken. Gambit works echoed through Storm’s head to the point where Jean shakes Storm’s shoulder.

“Where you listening?” Jean asked.

“Clearly she wasn’t because if she was she would had answered.” Logan snapped walking into the room. You would think Logan would be giving Jean heart eye like he always does but not lately not since he found out that she and Scott was getting married.

“You don’t have to be rude Logan...are you ok?” Jean wondered.

But before Storm could answer the Tv start to Broadcast the news instead of the safety alarms.

“It would appear to be some type of Alien creature coming from that portal there.” Reporter said as the cameraman points the camera towards the portal. “We don’t have any information of why there here and where  they come from but first responders are saying to stay inside and if you have a basement please take shelter there I will keep you updated.”

“Aliens in New York we have to stop them.” Jubilee proclaimed.

“We’ve never dealt with something like this before. How do we know we can stop them?” Scott questioned.

“We don’t but we have to try.” Rogue chimed in.

“Kids right I’m not bout to sit here and do nothing.” Logan declared as he about to walk out the mansion but.

“It is already being taken care of.” Charles  announced.

“By who?” Scott asked.

“An Organization called Shield.” Charles explained.

“You think a bunch of spies are going to save New York?” Logan questioned sarcastically.

“No there more then that.” Charles replied. “They can handle this the X-Men are not needed.

“Like hell we are.” Logan mumbled under his breath walking out the room.

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

Hawkeye looks out to his left window, finding a target. Loki

“See them?” Natasha asked.

“Yeah.” Barton answered.

Loki and Y/n circle each other. All the quickness and skill at their command, they Clash furiously.. Till...They find themselves on opposite sides of the balcony. Hawkeye sees his opening and banks the jet towards Stark Tower and aims the Minigun at Loki.

Loki then aims the scepter at the Quinjet and fires a blast of energy. Thor gets to his feet, tackles Loki down hard. The Quinjet is soon caught on fire. Hawkeye maneuvers one wing of the jet.

“There gonna crash.” Y/n flies down holding her hand out to catch Quinjet and safely place it on the ground. With everyone okay, Hawkeye and Black Widow unfasten their seatbelts and open the ramp. Captain America runs down, followed  by Hawkeye and Black Widow. Each one has their respected weapons in hand.

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

Steve, Y/n, Natasha, and Clint arrives in the middle of a four-way street.  Suddenly, the city lurches to a stop. A deep, primal rage bellows out. With that roar, a shadow comes over them. From the portal, a Chitauri Leviathan flies out carrying hundreds of soldiers, the Chitauri Leviathan  passes over them.

You have to be fucking kidding me

They look up, out of their element. From both sides, Chitauri soldiers cling off and attach themselves to the sides of the buildings, sliding down. Some Crash into these buildings and  begin firing from their Energy rifles at innocent people.

“Stark, are you seeing this?” Steve questioned.

“I'm seeing, still working on believing. Where's Banner? Has he shown up yet?” Tony asked.

“No. I don’t know what part of Manhattan I sent him to but he’s here somewhere.” Y/n answered.

“Just keep me posted. Jarvis, find me a soft spot.”  Iron Man quietly flies behind and parallel with the Chitauri Leviathan.

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

Thor holds down Loki's face straight ahead, forcing him to watch the city falling to ash “Look at this! Look around you! You think this madness will end with your rule?”

Loki tries to look away. “It's too late. It's too late to stop it.”

“No. We can. Together.” Loki looks at his brother, showing a sign of hope. Then... Loki stabs Thor with a small knife. Thor keels over.

“Sentiment.” Loki mocked

Thor gets up, kicks Loki and lifts him into the air. Thor then slams him down, hard. Loki, bleeding, rolls over the edge. Thor looks down. Loki  is riding on a flying chariot.  Dozens of Chitauri follow his lead.

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

Back at the At the X-Mansion Logan is suiting up when Ororo walks in.

“Logan where are you going?” Ororo question but she pretty much has the answer to it.

“Where do you think there’s Aliens destroying Manhattan and the good professor wants us to sit back and do nothing.” Logan answered. “We’re supposed to be superheroes Oro we can’t sit back and do nothing when people need us.”

“Well if your going so am I.” Ororo answered.

“Your hoping your daughter would be there aren’t you?” Logan question with and eyebrow raised.

“I don’t know if she will but there’s know someone who could tell me.” Ororo moves to get her suit.

Jean and Scott walks in the ready room and see Logan dress.

“Where are you going Logan?” Jean asked as she walks over to him.

“I’m going to help.” Logan said dryly.

“I’m going with him.” Ororo announced.

Jean and Scott looks shocked by Ororo outburst.

When did Logan and Ororo get so close

Jean didn’t want to admit it but she was missing the attention that she got from Logan. I know I know it’s greedy but she did. When Logan would look at her it was like he would risk it all just to be with her that kind of fire.....

“The Professor said we should say.” Jean protested.

“When have I ever listened.”  Logan voiced as he gets into the car. “Coming Oro?”

Jean and Scott looks at Ororo. “I’m sorry guys I have to do this.” Ororo declared as she gets in the car. Logan then starts the car up and drives away leaving Scott and Jean in the dust.

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

Y/n  puts a above head force field around Steve, Clint, and Natasha. “We’re fine here no one can’t hit us.”

They look up and see Loki taking his band down the street and Fires  at the street in a chain of explosions. Smashing cars and hurling people as it goes off in one Final conflagration. Terrified people running from Loki, looking over their shoulders, coming straight at them.

Captain America looks down the bridge. “Those people need assistance down there.”

Chitauri soldiers that have landed near them and begin firing at them.

Black Widow pulls both pistols and fires. Turns to Cap. “We got this. You and Y/n  Go!”

Steve looks over to at Clint. “You think you can hold them off?”

“Captain.”  Pulls a trigger on his bow; a narrow is mechanically chosen. “It would be my genuine pleasure.”

“Stay in this area no one will be able to hit you from above.” Y/n  told Clint and Natasha.

Hawkeye nods at Red Wing  then shoots an arrow  into the creature's head, gaining a few seconds for Captain America as he falls down the bridge, followed by an explosion. Cap and Red Wing races over to the plaza, jumping over dozens of exploding cars. Cap and Red Wing are running like the wind. Hawkeye runs over a bus full of people. From the windows, small children are held by their parents for Hawkeye to pull them out to safety. He runs over to the jammed door and jerkily opens it. People begin to run out. Black Widow empties out her clips. Hawkeye fires arrows into the ranks of the Chitauri, hitting his mark each time he shoots.

“Just like Budapest all over again!” Natasha proclaimed.

“You and I remember Budapest  very differently.” Clint replied.

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

The cops continuously fire at the flying chariots. It's pretty pointless. A Young Cop runs over to his Police Sergeant.

“We need to get out! They gotta bring  the National Guard!” The Young Cop  disclosed.

“National Guard? Does the army know what's happening here?” Police Sergeant questioned.

“And Do we?”

Captain America jumps in front of them. They look up at this ridiculous looking man as Y/n rushes up to the the young cop. “I need men in these buildings. There  are people inside that can run into the line of fire. You take them through the basement or through the subway. You keep them off the streets. I need a perimeter as far back as 39th.”

“Don’t worry I’ll get the people out the building and off the street. I need your men to lead them to you through the basement or the subway.”  Y/n started.

“Why the hell should I take orders from you?” Police Sergeant asked with sassily.

Suddenly, an explosion comes up from behind Cap sending some debris debris towards Y/n and the two cops she puts up a force field in record timing to protect her and the two police officers. An energy blast is blocked by his Shield. Two Black Widow attack. The cops watch in shock as Red Wing protect them and Captain America fights off the Chitauri soldiers with ease. The Sergeant turns to his officer.

“When the people are all gather on the street I need men to escort them to the basement or the subway  and I need a perimeter as far back as 39th.” Police Sergeant  said urgently in to his shoulder walkie.

Part 12

@aesthethickks​

#loki x reader #loki x black!reader #thor x reader #steve x reader #steve x black!reader #marvel x reader #avengers x reader

[the-devil-herself]

Never Enough - Chapter 21

CHAPTER: 21

DESCRIPTION: Certain mates of Jotuns receive soulmate marks on their bodies. What happens when Loki’s mark is found on a girl with immense power?  

RATING: M

NOTES/WARNINGS: SOOO one more chapter to post then i start working on the updates. For those who have finished the story on AO3 and were waiting on new chapters, it is coming soon! 

TAGGED: @kneel-before-queen-loki​ @lokis-girl-in-mischief @tarithenurse @fangirls94 @hellofeysandarling @lokis-high-priestess @god-of-mischief-here-tada @marvelschriss

“What happened to her?!” Someone was shouting, clearly very angry.

“I don’t know! She told me she was getting groceries.”

“Obviously, that was a damn lie!”

“Yeah, no shit Nat.”

The voices faded away again as I slipped back into darkness. My mind wouldn’t fully wake up from its dream, and my body could barely handle it. At times I could hear my heart beat out of control, and I wondered if it was going to burst.

The screaming was back, but I had gotten used to it. No longer did I feel the need to shield myself from it, and maybe that should’ve concerned me. But I was more focused on the burning inside of myself. Not only was everything else on fire, but it felt like my body was burning in flames. I wanted to scratch the flesh off of me and run to shelter.

The worst part of it wasn’t the chaos and death, though. It was that I wasn’t afraid. I had never felt so powerful in my life, and nothing could touch me. I had the power of life or death in my hands, millions of people counting on me. I had never experienced this kind of power before.

And the purple man… well the purple giant. He just smiled at me as I destroyed the world around me. I wasn’t afraid of him either; I knew he couldn’t hurt me no matter how strong and powerful he was.

I was free.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t until hours later that I could finally open my eyes. When I did, I saw the whole team standing in my hospital room back at the compound. Thor and Tony looked exhausted, discussing something quietly. But my eyes immediately went for Loki.

He was slumped in the seat near my bed, not too near and not too far. His skin was pale, and his eyes were bloodshot.

I must’ve been out for days then.

He was the first to notice me awake, never having looked away from me in the first place. Jumping to my side alerted the others to my state.

“Dana!”

“Are you okay?”

“What the hell happened?”

I shook my head as their line of questioning was fired at me. My pounding head was not ready to deal with this much noise at once, and I found that I didn’t have much energy to respond to them either.

After hours of feeling like I was being devoured by flames, I needed a minute. And water.

“Water… please?’ I cracked, feeling my chapped lips.

Loki immediately shushed the team and sent Thor to grab me a cup of water. His eyes were focused on me, searching for any signs of bodily harm. However, my wounds were not present to the eye. Not yet.

After gratefully taking the cup from Thor and downing it in one go, I finally sat up on the bed. I was grateful to realize I wasn’t in the hospital room but my own bedroom. Once they realized I was healthy and physically okay, they must have decided I would be more comfortable in my room.

Tony sat on my bed beside me. From his ruffled hair and defeated look, I could tell he was extremely concerned. “Kid, I know you don’t have much energy right now, but you need to tell us if you’re okay.”

I nodded. “I’m fine, I promise.”

Steve patted Tony on the shoulder trying to calm himself down as much as Tony. “Why did you leave the compound? Where did you go?”

All eyes on me again. “I went to the store.”

Tony scoffed at my feeble attempt at lying. “Try again, Dana.”

What could I tell them? There was no way I was going to explain how a purple maniac showed up at our doorstep, or that I ran into the woods to see a future of death with me at the center of it. No, I couldn’t.

That’s how the lie slipped so easily between my teeth. “I thought I saw a figure with red hair, maybe Lorelei, so I chased her into the woods, but it wasn’t anything. I got lost, and it wasn’t until a little while later that I finally got myself out.”

“Why would you chase her?!” Thor boomed.

I had never seen the god angry before, certainly not at me. I was almost scared. “Because I can take her,” I mumbled.

Tony shook his head. “You’re not ready for this. I'm not letting you fight with us.”

Wrath ran through me. I shot up out of the bed instantly, yet not before another pounding headache almost overtook me. But I kept myself up straight. “You have no idea what I am ready for,” I growled, surprised at the voice that came out of my mouth. It wasn’t mine. “I am more powerful than any of you. You keep me locked away out of fear, but I cannot be stopped.”

And in that moment, it was my like my body had been taken over by a force older than time.

“What the hell,” Clint whispered.

“Dana…”

I felt myself slip to the floor as if the breath had been knocked out of me. Grabbing the edge of my bed, I found myself back in control. But I was still shaking.

“What the fuck!” I exclaimed, frantically looking at the team. None of them had any clue to what just happened. I searched for answers in Loki, but he was frozen in place. He was afraid.

He’s not the only one.

Nat was the first to speak up. “What is going on here?”

“It looks like something may be inside her,” Bruce chimed in. He knelt in front of me, inspecting my face and body, in doctor mode. “Like an infection.”

“What the hell does that mean, doc?” Tony shouted. He was definitely concerned now. “Is she okay?”

“I don’t know! All I know is that, it’s evolving.”

“Evolving?’ Thor asked.

All Bruce did was nod. He continued to look into my eyes with sympathy and understanding. He knew what it felt like to not be in control, to have something inside of you.

“Am I going to be okay?” I pleaded with him through my eyes to give me a positive answer. I did not want that vision to come true. I was NOT evil.

Bruce gave me a small smile before standing up and stepping back. “I think it’s her powers; I think they’re expanding. I can do some testing to get more answers, but for now, she needs rest more than anything.”

Tony accepted his recommendation. “Okay, you heard him. Everyone out!”

As the team started spilling out of my room, I felt a hand help me up. I turned to see Loki, who was pale with worry. “I’m not leaving your side,” he whispered to me.

“You have to find Lorelei-“

“She is not my first priority when it comes to your health. Besides, she may have a part in this.”

I shook my head, looking away from him. “No… this is all me.”

He opened his mouth to question me further, but Tony ushered him out behind Thor. “You need to sleep kid. I’ll have Pepper bring you some food in a little bit. Don’t move or you’re grounded.”

I laughed at that. “Good luck trying.”

I saw a small smirk make its way onto his face before he closed the door behind him. With all of them finally gone, I began to feel even more constricted. A huge pressure was on my lungs, and I couldn’t breathe.

It’s okay, this is a panic attack.

I stood up and made my way to the full-length mirror by my closet. I crouched down and got my face right up against it, searching for any sign of the “infection.” My eyes were still brown, though, so that was a good sign. I didn’t feel like I was burning alive either.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to relieve the anxiety dwelling within me. After trying to inspect my eyes, my hand slid down to my neck to wipe away the sweat that accumulated. I wanted this all to stop. I wanted to help, not to hurt. This wasn’t me; it couldn’t be.

Then I noticed the veins in my neck… they were moving. Blackness engulfed them slowly, ascending up to my face. I felt it all inside me, surrounding me.

I was infected.

#loki #Loki Laufeyson #loki marvel #loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #Loki Fandom #imagine loki #loki series #loki show #thor #The Avengers #marvel #marvel cinematic universe #lorelei #Thanos #disney plus #loki x reader #loki x original female character #never enough #never enough chapter 21

[imagine-loki]

Never Enough

TITLE: Never Enough CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 21  AUTHOR: the-devil-herself  ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine finding out that your soulmate is Loki and your very first kiss is interrupted by Thor shouting “Yeeessss” RATING: M NOTES/WARNINGS: You can find this story on AO3 as well!

“What happened to her?!” Someone was shouting, clearly angry.

“I don’t know! She told me she was getting groceries.”

“Obviously, that was a damn lie!”

“Yeah, no shit Nat.”

The voices faded away again as I slipped back into darkness. My mind wouldn’t fully wake up from its dream, and my body could barely handle it. At times I could hear my heart beat out of control, and I wondered if it was going to burst.

The screaming was back, but I had gotten used to it. No longer did I feel the need to shield myself from it, and maybe that should’ve concerned me. But I was more focused on the burning inside of myself. Not only was everything else on fire, but it felt like my body was burning in flames. I wanted to scratch the flesh off of me and run to shelter.

The worst part of it wasn’t the chaos and death, though. It was that I wasn’t afraid. I had never felt so powerful in my life, and nothing could touch me. I had the power of life or death in my hands, millions of people counting on me. I had never experienced this kind of power before.

And the purple man… well the purple giant. He just smiled at me as I destroyed the world around me. I wasn’t afraid of him either; I knew he couldn’t hurt me no matter how strong and powerful he was.

I was free.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t until hours later that I could finally open my eyes. When I did, I saw the whole team standing in my hospital room back at the compound. Thor and Tony looked exhausted, discussing something quietly. But my eyes immediately went for Loki.

He was slumped in the seat near my bed, not too near and not too far. His skin was pale, and his eyes were bloodshot.

I must’ve been out for days then.

He was the first to notice me awake, never having looked away from me in the first place. Jumping to my side alerted the others to my state.

“Dana!”

“Are you okay?”

“What the hell happened?”

I shook my head as their line of questioning was fired at me. My pounding head was not ready to deal with this much noise at once, and I found that I didn’t have much energy to respond to them either. After hours of feeling like I was being devoured by flames, I needed a minute. And water.

“Water… please?’ I cracked, feeling my chapped lips.

Loki immediately shushed the team and sent Thor to grab me a cup of water. His eyes were focused on me, searching for any signs of bodily harm. However, my wounds were not present to the eye. Not yet.

After gratefully taking the cup from Thor and downing it in one go, I finally sat up on the bed. I was grateful to realize I wasn’t in the hospital room but my own bedroom. Once they realized I was healthy and physically okay, they must have decided I would be more comfortable in my room.

Tony sat on my bed beside me. From his ruffled hair and defeated look, I could tell he was extremely concerned. “Kid, I know you don’t have much energy right now, but you need to tell us if you’re okay.”

I nodded. “I’m fine, I promise.”

Steve patted Tony on the shoulder trying to calm himself down as much as Tony. “Why did you leave the compound? Where did you go?”

All eyes on me again. “I went to the store.”

Tony scoffed at my feeble attempt at lying. “Try again, Dana.”

What could I tell them? There was no way I was going to explain how a purple maniac showed up at our doorstep, or that I ran into the woods to see a future of death with me at the center of it. No, I couldn’t.

That’s how the lie slipped so easily between my teeth. “I thought I saw a figure with red hair, maybe Lorelei, so I chased her into the woods, but it wasn’t anything. I got lost, and it wasn’t until a little while later that I finally got myself out.”

“Why would you chase her?!” Thor boomed.

I had never seen the god angry before, certainly not at me. I was almost scared. “Because I can take her,” I mumbled.

Tony shook his head. “You’re not ready for this.”

I shot up out of the bed instantly. Not before another pounding headache almost overtook me, though. But I kept myself up straight. “You have no idea what I am ready for,” I growled, surprised at the voice that came out of my mouth. It wasn’t mine. “I am more powerful than any of you. You keep me locked away out of fear, but I cannot be stopped. I am not a hero or a monster. I am who I am.”

And in that moment, it was my like my body had been taken over by a force older than time. I almost didn’t recognize the biblical quote that came from me.

“What the hell,” Clint whispered.

“Dana…”

I felt myself slip to the floor as if the breath had been knocked out of me. Grabbing the edge of my bed, I found myself back in control. But I was still shaking.

“What the fuck!” I exclaimed, frantically looking at the team. None of them had any clue to what just happened. I searched for answers in Loki, but he was frozen in place. He was afraid.

He’s not the only one.

Nat was the first to speak up. “What is going on here?”

“It looks like something may be inside her,” Bruce chimed in. He kneeled in front of me, inspecting my face and body, in doctor mode. “Like an infection.”

“What the hell does that mean, doc?” Tony shouted. He was definitely concerned now. “Is she okay?”

“I don’t know! All I know is that, it’s evolving.”

“Evolving?’ Thor asked.

All Bruce did was nod. He continued to look into my eyes with sympathy and understanding. He knew what it felt like to not be in control, to have something inside of you.

“Am I going to be okay?” I pleaded with him through my eyes to give me a positive answer. I did not want that vision to come true. I was NOT evil.

Bruce gave me a small smile before standing up and stepping back. “I think it’s her powers; I think they’re expanding. I can do some testing to get more answers, but for now, she needs rest more than anything.”

Tony accepted his recommendation. “Okay, you heard him. Everyone out!”

As the team started spilling out of my room, I felt a hand help me up. I turned to see Loki, who was pale with worry. “I’m not leaving your side,” he whispered to me.

“You have to find Lorelei-“

“She is not my first priority when it comes to your health. Besides, she may have a part in this.”

I shook my head, looking away from him. “No… this is all me.”

He opened his mouth to question me further, but Tony ushered him out behind Thor. “You need to sleep kid. I’ll have Pepper bring you some food in a little bit. Don’t move or you’re grounded.”

I laughed at that. “Good luck trying.”

I saw a small smirk make its way onto his face before he closed the door behind him. With all of them finally gone, I began to feel even more constricted. A huge pressure was on my lungs, and I couldn’t breathe.

It’s okay, this is a panic attack.

I stood up and made my way to the full-length mirror by my closet. I crouched down and got my face right up against it, searching for any sign of the “infection.” My eyes were still brown, though, so that was a good sign. I didn’t feel like I was burning alive either.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to relieve the anxiety dwelling within me. After trying to inspect my eyes, my hand slid down to my neck to wipe away the sweat that accumulated. I wanted this all to stop. I wanted to help, not to hurt. This wasn’t me; it couldn’t be.

Then I noticed the veins in my neck… they were moving. Blackness engulfed them slowly, ascending up to my face. I felt it all inside me, surrounding me.

I was infected.

#Loki #Lover #Angst #God of Mischief #Others #Imagine #Submitted fic #submission #the-devil-herself #chapter 21 #never enough

[starkcontrasts]

Or basically a quickwrite i did in response to that scene in AoU after they’ve just been attacked and they find out Ultron destroyed JARVIS

Includes: Tony-whump and reader insert(but not in the romantic sense) bc I’m a mess and this shiz was unplanned and is somehow an even bigger mess than the actual author

° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° °

You can see the pieces falling into place. Only, they’re falling all wrong. This wasn’t how any of it was supposed to happen.

Before you can react- before you can even think- Thor’s striding forward, one hand around Tony’s neck. You push off the table in response, opening your mouth to tell everyone to calm down. Steve talks over you but Tony’s feet are on the ground now and the air comes into your lungs a little easier. It had felt like you were being choked alongside him.

The conversation continues around you but you make your way towards Tony and Bruce. You hesitate to touch him because something’s definitely up and suddenly Helen’s asking questions at the worst possible time and there’s Tony’s “why can’t you people understand” laughter. Internally, you ask every higher being in creation where it all went wrong.

“We weren’t anywhere near close to a successful interface.” Tony says and you corroborate this when Bruce refuses to.

You don’t restrain the urge to throw him a glare. Intelligent as he is, he couldn’t recognize the signs of his supposed best friend falling apart in front of him.

“Oh, what so now you fall belly up.” Tony calls out.

Bruce retorts something about murder bots and it physically hurts you because the three of you know that’s never what Ultron was. What he was never supposed to be. Whatever he is now, that doesn’t change the fact that his original purpose had less to do with harming the Earth and more to do with protecting it. Tony explains as much and the derision in Steve’s voice is enough to make you scoff.

The good captain gives you what is meant to be a withering look. It’s a look of clear disapproval, rife with glaring notions of moral superiority and you squint your eyes at him. There’s a divine shiver of pleasure at the slight flinch you draw from him but mostly he keeps on talking and this time you don’t hesitate to place a gentle hand on Tony’s forearm. Brown eyes, clearly distressed to someone who knows how to look, turn to you and there’s a distinct sensation of your stomach hitting your toes. God, Tony. He looked wrecked.

Your face crumples watching him, and the hand that was on his arm rises to rest on his cheeks instead. The room doesn’t notice the two of you and the feeling is mutual. Tony looks like all he wants to do is crawl into a ball. He’s so tired of trying to explain to people who won’t listen, why a system of instantaneous planet-wide protection is more reliable than a group of seven people. Still is reliable.

“Breathe, Tony, I need you to breathe.”

You can feel the moment Bruce’s attention suddenly flicks over to you but you can care less.

Tony’s breathing isn’t any better than before. In fact, it’s practically inaudible, meaning it’s essentially not there and you resist the urge to throttle every single person in this room.

“Antonio, listen to me. Breathe.”

It takes a while but a glowing chest begins to rise and fall in normal intervals and you smile weakly in an attempt to steady the both of you, mentally and emotionally.

“You’re doing wonderfully. Keep going for me, okay?” Tony nods imperceptibly and you glance over at the now silent room.

Steel settles itself into your gaze and cold eyes focus on the God of Thunder first.

“Try something like that again, Thor, and you’ll find not even Heimdall will be able to get you out of here fast enough.”

The crimson-clad blonde furrows his eyebrows at you, as if confused as to how he had garnered your wrath.

“You don’t wrap your super-powered hands around the neck of someone suffering from anxiety and PTSD, you insensitive asshat.”

“Langu-”

Your head comes flying to face Steve.

“Tell me to watch my language, Steven. I fucking dare you.”

“Okay, why don’t we all just take a chill pill, Y/N.” Clint interjects from near your left.

“Barton so help me…”

“Alright then, never mind.”

The archer lowers his hands in surrender and you turn to Bruce, embittered.

“Science bros stick together, numbnuts. Don’t you dare think you can throw Tony to the wind like that ever again because trust me, I’ll make any wreckage the Big Guy’s done so far, look like a kid throwing a tantrum.”

Bruce flinches hard and you nearly sneer in satisfaction before turning back towards Steve and taking a deep breath.

“Since no one is willing to fucking listen to Tony, I’ll do the explaining instead and we’ll just see what happens if someone tries to cut me off with weakass statements like ‘together’.”

Steve opens his mouth to reply but you cut him off.

“That was not permission to speak, soldier.”

He swiftly closes his mouth.

“I’m going to try talking to all of you like you’re adults but if you don’t start using your heads like the mature, capable-of-thinking-for-themselves human beings that you are, then I will make it so your physical state matches your childlike temperaments.”

It’s very clearly a threat and you can see each Avenger(sans Tony) openly bristle and twitch to grab their weapons. Bruce wrings his hands together. The witch glares at you and you smile at her, all teeth and mock-sweetness.

“My abilities are stronger than yours, so I wouldn’t even try, Miss Maximoff.”

Pietro, beautifully complex Pietro, shoves a hand in front of his sister to keep her from surging forwards, all the while fixing you with an indecipherable look. From the beginning, as much as everyone seemed to focus on Wanda, you could tell there was more to the older Maximoff twin that meets the eye. You were glad to be right.

You take another deep breath.

“The Avengers aren’t infallible, don’t even pretend like that isn’t the case. What Tony- and Bruce included because he was very much included- what they were trying to do was create an artificial intelligence much like JARVIS that could fulfill JARVIS’s primary directive taken to a global scale.”

Confused looks all around. Tony shivers behind you and you grasp his hand, holding tightly to try and keep him grounded.

“For those of you who don’t know, J’s primary directive was to protect Tony. Ultron’s primary directive was intended to be the protection of planet Earth from outside forces seeking to enter our atmosphere and wreak havoc below. He was the brainchild of our science geniuses here, in an attempt to prevent anything similar to the fight with the Chitauri from happening ever again.”

You lick your lips, swallow down your earlier anger, and continue.

“Thor said it himself when Loki first arrived. SHIELD’s experiments with the Tesseract showed to the rest of the Universe, specifically to other, advanced races, that the Earth is ready for a higher form of war. Sooner or later, the rest of the Universe is going to come knocking and believe you me, not very many of them will be here to ask for a cup of sugar.”

“The Avengers can handle whatever comes at us. Advanced alien race or otherwise.” Natasha drawls from beside Clint.

The amount of conceit in her tone is almost laughable considering how much training had been invested to make sure she was above displaying her innermost thoughts so easily. In front of friend or foe, she was always to appear unbothered. Mayhaps, if Barnes had been trusted to teach her that aspect rather than just combat skills, the Widow would have been better at it.

“Come now, Natalia, I thought you were cleverer than that. Have you grown so lax in your training so as to believe you cannot be stopped?”

The statement gets a rise out of more than just her, and you can feel the anger in Bruce’s gaze at your neck. Clint and Steve narrow their eyes at you but otherwise don’t respond. The Widow tries her damndest not to throw a knife at your throat and its times like these that you miss Winter’s ability to disassociate. The Captain was going to be in for such a surprise when next he met Barnes. His best friend was less Bucky and more something in between Hydra’s Fist and the exemplary soldier, less the charming man from Brooklyn and more the damaged transitional phase.

Even then, he was still far better at feigning indifference than the redhead in front of you.

“I don’t care how super-powered some of you are, you’re still so very human. With a single thought from my head, I could disseminate your insides throughout the stars. I’ve trained with mutants and titans alike, and they’re nowhere close to how terrifying the races out there are. If I could kill you in a second, what makes you think Earth could survive more than a meager few moments against the might of the worst the Universe has to offer?”

Steve turns towards Thor, uncertain and hoping he can corroborate or contest your claim. The demi-god furrows his eyebrows, his grip on Mjolnir shifting.

“Y/N does not lie. Even I have yet to experience a vast number of the Universe’s most feared warriors. My Father has kept the nine realms, most of all your Midgard, sheltered from the rest of the starways for centuries.”

Tony breathes out shakily from behind you and you tighten your grip on his hand. Thor nods at you to continue and you stare at Steve right in his shadowed blue eyes.

“What Ultron was meant to be versus what he ultimately became was the result of ignorance on all our parts, least of all Tony’s. Firstly, you were all ignorant for believing yourselves unstoppable, and secondly, you were ignorant for believing Wanda Maximoff to be less spiteful than she is.”

“Now hold on, I think, at the very least, I’ve been keeping a close eye on the Witch and I think she’s pretty spiteful.” Clint interjected.

Both Maximoff siblings bristle from the edge of the group and you don’t miss the glint of red filtering into Wanda’s eyes.

“You so much as attempt to fiddle with any of the minds in or out of this room and I’ll turn you into a pile of red leather.” You state matter-of-factly, in her direction.

Wanda narrows her eyes and hisses while Pietro stiffens, legs vibrating with the desire to not be here. You can’t blame him, you don’t want to be here either. But someone has to say this shit and goodness knows, no one was going to listen to Tony if he did it instead.

“As I was saying, Miss Maximoff over here had a bigger part to play in Ultron’s genesis than you all previously believed.”

You state right into her hateful, hopelessly child-like, eyes.

“Wanda put the idea into Tony’s head that the faster Ultron came to be, the better.”

“And what does that mean?” Steve bit out.

You feel physically ill thinking back on it and it takes a great deal of effort not to will Wanda into non-existence.

“Miss Maximoff worked her third-rate sorcery on Tony’s head during the fight at the factory. She played alphabet soup with his head and showed him a vision of the world ending, everyone dying at his feet. And Tony? Tony felt what Tony always feels.”

“Vindication?” The Widow mocks.

You look at her blankly.

“You mistake him for you, Natalia.”

That shuts her up quickly.

“No,” Tony’s hand was clammy in yours. “He felt guilty.”

Several sets of eyes widen.

“He felt guilt and so much regret, I picked up on it even though I was here at the Tower.”

“Why would you feel guilty, Tony?” Maria questioned, tone delicate where no one else’s had been.

You turn back to see Tony visibly shaking, one arm wrapped around his trembling frame.

“Because I wasn’t dead. I had to watch as I was the only one left.”

And hell if that doesn’t do some serious damage to the sizeable egos in the room.

But that still wasn’t the whole story, so you finish where Tony couldn’t.

“And you, Steve, you asked him why he didn’t do more.”

The super-soldier practically deflates before your very eyes, lean frame going slack where he stands.

“Jesus, Tony.”

#basically i watched the aou clip of this and got hella mad hella fast #tony stark defense squad #reader is a bamf #just bc i can #also the relationships havent been fleshed out here so thats why its confusing #i kinda just stream of consciousnessed this #meaning i wrote continuously whatever popped up into my head #i tried to edit but i prbably couldve tried harder #sorry dont hate me i just needed to scratch an itch #this is unfinished #and it'll peobably stay that way tbh #depending on how i feel in the morning #avengers age of ultron #tony stark #iron man #steve rogers #captain america #thor #maria hill #clint barton #hawkeye #wanda maximoff #pietro maximoff #natasha romanoff #natalia alianovna romanova #mentions of bucky #bc reader is allknowing #and i love buck #quickwrite