#and SO MANY of her confessions/quality time attempts are ruined by things that have nothing to do with phineas being oblivious!

[espinosaurusrexex]

𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠'𝐬 𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐖𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰

ten - the punchline

BuckyBarnes x Female!Reader

summary: Wanda and the rest of Westview need help. Y/N is willing to do whatever it takes - even if she’s hurting herself with that decision.

a/n: It had to happen at one point... we all knew it. Now, here it is. if you need a hug, please tell me - or just say how much you hate me for this - either is fine. Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated 💕

!Divider is mine. Please give credit when using!

word count: 4.5k

chapter warnings: fluff, perfect boyfriend/husband Bucky, action, Agatha 😡, angst - oh god - so much angst

✶ 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 | 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 | 𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 ☾

(sorry the quality of the pic is so bad, but I couldn't find anything better once I finally decided on what I wanted)

“What are you doing?” Y/n laughed as Bucky lead her forward with his hands above her eyes.

“Just be patient and trust me. Don’t you trust me?” He smiled - she could hear it in this voice. 

The sound of gravel kicking up sounded beneath their feet and Y/N struggled to walk straight. “No, no I do.” Another giggle ripped through her.

“Careful now, there’s a small step.”

“Where are you taking me?”

“Just wait.”

“I can’t wait.”

“You’ll have to. It’ll ruin the surprise.”

“Fine.” She huffed impatiently, but the excitement in her body kept on bubbling to the surface. Earlier today, Bucky had gotten the Harley ready for that little adventure the pair had planned instead of going to the Westview Talent show. Surprisingly, it hadn’t taken a lot for the girls got to be convinced that Y/N was occupied that day. And not even Dottie came and asked if she could fill in at the Pastry buffet again. It seemed like the argument about Bucky’s surprise was enough to satisfy them.

Of course, back then, it had all been a lot less genuine. Sure, they had probably taken the ride still. But there would have not been any handholding or kissing. There would have been deep talks and reminiscing as it had always been up until that point so many weeks ago. But now? Now it was silent stares and meaningful touches, deep kisses and passionate sex. 

Bucky had an actual surprise it seemed. And Y/N was excited. She had enjoyed the ride out into the field on the back of his Harley, her hands tightly clinging onto Bucky’s torso, her chin comfortably resting on his shoulder as the warm winds brushed over her face. She didn’t mind the never-ending summer in Westview. It really was beautiful if one were to think away the issues it came with. But Y/n had decided that she needed to enjoy the last moments here as much as possible - try to live them as if nothing bothered her - like there was an actual chance for happiness for her. Bucky’s confession had seemed genuine enough a week ago. And it was so much easier to just endure the fantasy Y/N had imagined so many times already. 

“Are we there yet? How much longer?” Her hands were clinging to Bucky’s forearms in an attempt to keep steady, but the ground was very uneven. Y/N trusted Bucky though. He would not let her fall. 

“Sweetheart..,” Bucky slightly scolded, “just a few steps.”

Sweetheart. Another thing that made her heart go up in flames. Bucky had started calling her sweetheart after the meeting with Agatha and Vision. And even now, only a few days later, Y/N couldn’t possibly imagine a world in which that name wasn’t reserved for her from his lips. 

“Okay, okay,” she took a deep breath and sighed. 

After another moment, Bucky finally removed his hands. “Ready? Open your eyes,” his soft voice whispered into her ear and when she did, Y/N’s jaw dropped. Her hands came up to cover her face.

“Oh my god...” She slowly moved forward before kneeling down and carefully bringing her hands over the soft grass. There was a checkered picnic blanket spread under a tree, and a small basket with flowers and food carefully placed in the middle.

Y/n turned with a bright smile and watched as Bucky almost shyly shifted from one foot to the other. “Do you like it?” His head ducked and his hands disappeared behind his back. 

“It’s so beautiful, Buck.” She jumped up and kissed his nose with an excited giggle and Bucky’s cheeks were dusted with pink when she pulled him down onto the blanket.

Her hands rummaged through the basket and with every item she pulled from it, her heart made a little jump. “Oh wow, you really would be a great husband. Look at this!”

“I had a lot of practice lately...” His voice trailed off as her eyes met his. He seemed so small all of a sudden, a flustered expression decorating his face - like a schoolboy talking to his crush for the first day. But there was no need to be nervous. If anything, Bucky should have known by now how much Y/N adored him. 

“This is the most beautiful surprise anyone has ever made me.” She smiled genuinely but it only pulled a small smile from Bucky. So she scooted closer, her hands gently settling on his leg and arm. “Thank you so much. This means a lot.” A kiss settled the words she tried to say before Y/N pressed her forehead to Bucky's. 

His hand came up to cup her face. “It was meant to say a lot, I’m not that good with-” 

“I know. You don’t have to be.” And with that Bucky’s shoulders loosened a little. The confidence seemed to wash over him quickly, as he pulled her closer in a swift motion and captures her lips in another searing kiss. Bucky was amazing, and Y/n caught herself falling a little deeper with every glance she stole from his smile, or the small glimmer in his eyes when she reciprocated his. She felt safe and weightless yet again. Every time she was with Bucky, really. Luckily, he knew that by now. Even if she had not particularly told him yet, she was sure she knew. 

“Should we try out those snacks you prepared?” Y/N grinned up at him as she moved in his arms.

“We can...” But Bucky shifted and pulled her into his chest with her facing the same direction as him. “Or we could just stay like this a little longer.” He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head before his cheek smoothed against her. A sincere sigh eluded his lips as his hands rolled up and down her arms, letting the sun warm up their faces.

There wasn’t a lot of eating done after all. As the couple just enjoyed each other’s company during the perfect summery noon. An hour later, they still lay on the blanket - arm in arm - pointing up at clouds and various animals they claimed to have spotted in them. Bucky listened the whole time, and Y/N loved the little peace and quiet out in the field. His heart was steadily beating behind her and every single one reminded her of how tangible this all was. And she appreciated it just that much more for it.

Unfortunately, soon the sky started closing in with dark clouds. And even though Y/N could have spent another day out in the grass in Bucky’s arms and mindlessly making up stories and images in the sky, the picking up of the wind ultimately forced them to leave.

It had gotten a little cooler once the couple packed up and headed to Bucky’s Harley. And when they pulled into the by-now-familiar driveway, a piece of realty settled in Y/N’s mind again. Just like the beautiful day - this moment - this story had to come to an end. And it would be soon. At least that’s what Vision, Agatha, Bucky, and her had agreed upon the other day. 

Y/n didn’t let it faze her though. She stood in the kitchen and watched the storm building from the window as the kettle whistled in the background. She loved summer storms. Something about the smell of wet soil and the phenomenon of humid air surrounding her made her feel good. I reminded her of the times in the compound when the whole team was having board game days because there was no going outside anyway. It reminded her of warm tea and deep conversations on window sills. It reminded her of annoyed faces because of the time they had been spending together and it made her heart feel squeezed. 

Y/N filled up her mug. Something was different though. The sky wasn’t its usual grayish blue and there was no smell of rainy ground. It was just a little unsettling if she were honest. She shrugged it off for now. It would pass, just like every bad thought had the past week, and that was Bucky to thank for. He had done a great deal in distracting her from Wanda and everything else upsetting. And Y/N would never complain. She’d take a kiss over every mental breakdown, really.

When she walked into the living room to hand Bucky his tea, she watched as Alpine shot out her paw at the super soldier, a mean hiss following the action before the white cat sprung from the couch and watched him rather suspiciously. 

“What was that all about?” The couch dipped with Y/N’s weight on it now, her body almost immediately finding its place against Bucky’s.

“I don’t know. She’s feisty ever since we got back. Did we forget to feed her?” Bucky’s arm closed in around her shoulders, the other holding the steaming hot mug.

“No, I gave her breakfast, treats, and snuggles just before we left.” She leaned down. “Al, do you wanna cuddle?”

But Alpine’s eyes just turned away. She didn’t leave, though, just sat there and almost sadly watched as the pair cuddled on the sofa. “Alright then, have it your way.”

It wasn’t long before the wind started picking up outside and branches started hitting the windows, making all kinds of sounds echo through the big house. Neither Y/N nor Bucky mentioned them though. They continued their conversation and enjoyed each other’s company. It was a nice way of ending the day, early - Y/N thought as her head rested on Bucky’s chest, his hand caressing her thigh and occasional kisses littering her head. 

But then, almost calling through all the background noise, another sound was added to the stage. A high, almost human-like calling, and for a second, Y/N wondered if she was just imagining it all. 

“What was that?” She asked and Bucky’s questioning face shot to the door when another wail was heard from outside. 

Then Another. And another. It was pretty clear now that she wasn’t just hearing voices in her head. Bucky was alert again, his shoulders tensed and Y/n could practically feel the agent return to his body next to her. 

A loud bang ripped through the house, a window had been shattered by a fallen tree and now the sounds were clearer than ever. These were definitely screams - cries for help. Children’s cries. A chill ran down Y/N’s spine.

The pair sprinted to the door but there was no chance either of them could have been prepared for what was beyond it. There was Agatha, floating over the street with Billy and Tommy on leashes around their necks. 

Y/N must have been dreaming. This couldn’t possibly be real. But the look on Bucky’s face told her that this was very much reality. How could this have escalated so quickly? Just hours ago the world seemed fine. Agatha seemed fine. Why was she portraying the neighborhood maniac all of a sudden?

A searching eye wandered down the street but Wanda was nowhere to be found. What the hell was going on?

“Agatha, what are you doing?!” Bucky’s voice boomed over the whipping winds, his hand protectively holding onto Y/N’s wrist as if she were to fly away. All the while Agatha actually was flying. But that wasn’t even the weirdest part. Her outfit made her look like one of those scary Dementors from Harry Potter and her fingers were pitch black as if they dipped in tar. Billy and Tommy struggled to ring for air as their feet barely touched the ground, and Y/n felt her heart beating up in anger.

“I’m getting things moving,” Agatha answered unfazed, her hand seemingly tightening the strings around the kid’s necks.

“So you kidnapped Wanda’s children?!” It was questionable how a sane person could come to such a ridiculous conclusion. But then again, Y/N was pretty sure that she had established Agatha’s insanity by now.

“Well, I had to do something. Nobody else was.”

Bucky’s hands flailed in the air in frustration. “Not like that!” 

Agatha just laughed and pulled on the strings a little more. The boys looked like puppets - unable to move without permission - and the fear in Y/N’s body rose infinitely. Bucky shared a look with her and once she looked past the slight panic in his gaze, her head nodded firmly. 

“What’s the plan?”

“You will look for Vision. I will try to talk to Agatha.”

“What are you going to do? She’s lost it.”

“Those are my nephews,” Bucky winked as a small smile broke on his face, “I’m gonna do whatever it takes.” And then the pair parted ways to try and save the situation. 

Y/n couldn’t help the small chuckle to escape her lips as she made her way to Wanda’s home, but there wasn’t a lot of laughing left when she saw the redhead approaching the scene behind the Black Widow furiously. It was too late, Y/N knew it, there was no chance she could keep Wanda from calming down now. But she tried anyway. The least she should do was buy Bucky a little time to handle the situation. 

With a bright smile plastered on her face, Y/N fully channeled the Westview role she was destined to play from the start. She opened her arms and approached Wanda on the street.“Wanda! Hey! Oh my god, I need to show you something!”

But the woman was struggling to act interested as her eyes kept swerving to the scene behind Y/N. “Not now, Y/N.”

“No, come on, it's important just give me a little-“ Her hand reached out to Wanda’s shoulder but the woman smacked it away with a solid expression.

“I said no! What is going on there?!” She tried to step around Y/N but the Black Widow mirrored her movements to be in front of her again.

“Nothing, nothing. You know kids, they love to play the craziest games right?” A nervous laugh settled in the pause, but Wanda wasn’t having it. She zeroed in on Agatha and started walking towards her again. “No, Wanda, please- Wanda!” The last thing they needed was a massacre. This had to be settled differently. So, Y/N sprinted behind in an attempt to reach the scene before her. 

She caught up to her after a couple seconds and planted herself between the two witches again. The short glance at Bucky had told her that the situation hadn’t really moved along to his liking yet. But it was no use. Wanda was determined to get to Billy and Tommy - which was understandable, but at the same time not the best idea right now.

Y/N tried again, her hands now raising in the air. “Just... wait a second okay. We can settle this without anyone getting hurt.” But Wanda’s hands were already glowing red. “I can help you. I will help you, okay. Just please calm down.” Y/N’s heart was pounding faster and faster - adrenalin and fear mixing in a dangerous combination but Y/N tried her best to stay grounded.

Wanda just looked past her at Agatha. She barely acknowledged her friend who was desperately babbling to keep her from using magic - in vain. Her hands were charged with energy. Y/N could practically feel it radiating off of her and it was scary. There was no way of knowing what she was to do now. 

“Let my children go.” A thick Sokovian accent coated Wanda’s words. It was weirdly unusual after hearing her speak without it for so long, but it also reminded Y/N that there might still be an ounce of the old and reasonable Wanda left within. One that could actually negotiate a humane way to settle this situation.

Agatha just laughed and Wanda’s eyes flared up red. Oh shit.

“This is not the right way to go about this.” Y/N turned around with urgency in her tone. “This wasn’t the plan, Agatha!” She hissed but immediately regretted it. She might have just made it worse with this sentence as she felt the energy behind her become stronger and stronger.

“Plan? Are you working with her? Against me?!” Not good. Really, really bad. Bucky caught Y/N’s eyes - wide and scared. He didn’t move though, his hands were still on Billy’s shoulder, pushing him up to keep the string from cutting into his skin.

Y/N turned around again. But not even she would be shield-enough to keep Wanda from using her powers. “Wanda you don’t understand! This is all wrong. You need to stop before more people get hurt.”

“No!” She was wrong. There was no more reason left in the witch. Wanda thought this was real. She couldn’t distinguish her creation from reality anymore. It had become dangerous.

“You need to, please. You are hurting, I know. But this is wrong.” Y/N took a deep breath and willed down the stinging in her chest. Her eyes were burning, too. “You cannot bring Vision Back. You cannot bring Natasha back or anyone else. They are dead okay?! Dead! And not even you can change that.” The red energy flickered for a moment and Y/n thought to have caught a tear on Wanda’s cheek, but she shook out of it quickly, still bracing for the pending fight.

“Don’t do this Y/N. You wanted this. You wanted it, too.” It was the first time Wanda really looked into her eyes today and Y/N felt more anxiety than before. What did she mean by that? Wanda couldn’t possibly- “The hydrangeas, the husband, the grey company car. Don’t take this away from yourself. You don’t know what you’re doing!”

And bam. The world got quiet. Not a good quiet though. An unsettling one. The storm was silenced by the hammering of her heart. It was pounding in her ears, making her dizzy and nauseous. Everything was hazy and at the same time, a lot of things became clearer now. Wanda had known all along. Fuck. She could probably read the minds of everyone in this cursed town. She had known and she had used it against her friends. It wasn’t a coincidence - everything that lined up with Y/N’s dream was planned to a t. Calculated, viciously abusing everyone's naïveté. 

And when it dawned on Y/N why she had been feeling so uneasy all the time, her heart sank with sadness and anger. Suddenly, she knew why it was all so familiar and why the house brought her so much comfort despite the little fears she had. It was Bucky. The whole damn thing reminded her of Bucky, Hell even the flowers in the garden were the color of his eyes - everything was. Wanda had modeled Y/N’s whole experience around the one good thing she had brought into Westview. How little did she trust her friend to actually be happy - to be able to feel free? She had invaded her privacy - her deepest desires which she had promised to never do. Wanda had promised all of them to never read their thoughts. To never act on it. To never manipulate her friends. But here she was. Shamelessly invading their privacy and making Y/N feel so unbelievably vulnerable. 

“No,” she whispered aimlessly. “You don’t know what you are doing. Look at the people - they are miserable! Let it go. Let them go.” Y/N’s voice was calmer than she expected it to be, but there was no will to fight this anymore.

“I can’t.”

“Then I cannot help you humanely settle this.”

Y/n lowered her hands and her shoulders sagged in defeat. Sickening hatred licked up her throat as she tried to swallow the lump in her throat at the realization. There was no use in saving this - whatever it was. Wanda needed a reality check, and she needed it now. This dream - this twisted sick version of it anyway - had turned into a mission at that moment. And Y/N felt as though she was the last person to realize it. No wonder Bucky had always been on edge - always protecting.

So, when Wanda moved toward Agatha again, she just let her. Watched even, as the magic in her hands grew angry and red again. She looked up at Agatha again, determination in her eyes as she said words that even hurt herself. “Agatha, take the kids.”

“What are you doing?!” Bucky’s voice picked up, and his hands were still grabbing at the boys with shocked expressions. 

He even moved to step in front of Wanda again, but Y/n stopped him. “No, let them. She needs this. We all do.” The words were bitter on her tongue.

“But Agatha is going off the rails!” There was chaos in his eyes - she’d never seen it before. Bucky was scared... and helpless. And if Y/N had had enough energy to care, she would have probably felt the same. But she knew that this was inevitable. The boys had grown onto both of them and Y/N could see how much Bucky cared for them. But even he had to realize that there was no other way. And there was only giving in the trust that Agatha wouldn’t hurt them. Because despite her obvious madness, she wouldn’t - Y/N had a feeling.

“She’s doing what should have been done so long ago. She’s doing what’s necessary to end this madness.” Y/N nodded sternly, finally making Bucky let go.

“You realize that we have no control at this point. That we have no way of calculating what’s going to happen from now on. This is just the beginning.” His shoulders sagged, expression defeated and disappointed all at once.  

And Y/N just looked at the ground. “I know.”

Well, Bucky had been right about one thing: this hadjust been the beginning. Because right now, there seemed to be no end to the madness. Within an hour, the whole atmosphere had shifted in all of Westview. Y/N was standing in the town square and watched as people fell into panic. The storm - now stronger than before - had turned into a wild concoction of purple and red. For all Y/N knew, Wanda and Agatha were somewhere above them, fighting in the stormy clouds and making the world on the ground break out in chaos. The people of Westview were acting weird. They were snapping out of personality as if they were switching roles. 

Screaming, crying, running. It was complete Mayhem. 

Vision had finally joined the two avengers just when the mass seemed to have spiraled out of control. He had informed them that S.W.O.R.D. agents were waiting beyond the hex, ready to take the people away from the city before anything else happened. The static walls had started to crumble but the adrenalin pumping through Y/N’s veins prevented her from noticing the feelings it brought. 

Every time the walls opened a little, and cars were able to get in, Y/n, Vision, and Bucky ushered more people to safety. Trying to navigate the madness, however, was difficult with all the noise and instructions being thrown through the air. And the fragile portals out of Westview didn’t help the situation, either. Every time a wall opened up, another leak closed. People were being chased around as if it were a stupid video game. 

Everything was so surreal. And in her trance of ushering people out, Y/N began to think about Agatha again. Had she always been bad? Was she bad at all? There were so many questions. 

Another thunder ripped through the sky and Y/N flinched and tumbled backwards until familiar hands caught her. Bucky. 

He turned her around and let his eyes wander over her face and body. “Are you okay?”

“Ye- yes,” Y/N stuttered at the sudden wash of breath air in his presence. He nodded firmly and guided a woman in the direction of another car. Y/N just stood there for a moment and let the chaos pass by her. She was so concentrated on Bucky, the way his arms moved, and the warmth that slowly spread through her chest at the sight of him.

“Did you know Agatha was... like this?” She suddenly blurted out and when Bucky looked at her over the short distance she busied herself with pointing people in the direction out again.

“I had my suspicions after following her that first night here.”

“What did she do?”

“Just snooped around. But it was weird.”

Y/N nodded in understanding. She had always wondered what Bucky had seen that night. Now she knew, and it was a lot less exciting than she had expected. Then again, the time spent in Westview probably dulled her in reacting to weird things. There were only a few situations that surprised her anymore. 

Another loud bang echoed above them and more people streamed toward them. The few Avengers kept as many people from getting injured as possible, but in the hustle, Bucky and Y/N got separated again, each of them seemingly focused on the job and ignoring everything else. The sky began to light up and the red static walls created gaps that became bigger and bigger - bigger than before.

And all of a sudden, Y/N had the feeling of having forgotten something. She was missing something and she couldn’t figure out what it was. It felt as though she were to remember something. A word, a name - something lingering on the tip of her tongue but not quite ready to form yet. 

Triggering - that’s what it should be, but there was so much going on around her, Y/N barely registered any of it. The noises of screaming people were rushing in her ears and mixing in one echo that bounced around her completely empty head. Get the kids out, get the people out, keep everyone safe, don’t lose track of time. It was a mantra mumbled over the bouncing echo and the only thing tying her to reality. Because about everything else that was happening right now seemed far from it - reality that was. The static walls crumbling above her left an unimaginable shrieking sound - or was that the crying child to her left? Y/N couldn’t tell. She just ushered more people away from the town square and towards the cars taking them out.

And then, for a split second - as she was searching the crowd for more civilians in need - Y/N locked eyes with Bucky again. And it zapped through her like lightning. She remembered. It wasn’t her brain that was missing something. It was her heart that suddenly felt as if it were ripped out and trampled on by the hordes of people storming past her. It was missing the skip - the slight pick up in pace, the faint breathlessness, the explosion going off - there was nothing of those sorts. It wasn’t fully empty, no. It just wasn’t as excited as it always had been when she saw him. 

Confusion checked her brain and made it hard to register what she was experiencing. And while she struggled to grab a clear thought in the turmoil of interior and exterior chaos, only one thing shone brightly and loudly before her inner eye.

Wanda had lied to her again. It had all been another lie.

𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓

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[authenticcadence18]

“It’s fine we’ll always have season 4” well if THAT ain’t a mood omggg. What was up with the earlier seasons completely ruining things for Isabella lmao.

RIIIIGHT????????

like, Phineas being oblivious is one thing. He’s not obligated to return or even understand Isabella’s feelings for him. And “oblivious Phineas” moments are usually pretty funny😂

But. Stuff like the end of Canderemy?? w h y??? WHY spend an entire episode building up Isa actually getting to spend time with phineas only to RUIN IT AT THE LAST SECOND WITH A HORRIFYING VISUAL GAG. especially considering Isabella and Phineas would have gotten to go to the movie alone if it weren’t for CANDACE AND HER INSISTENCE ON BLAMING THE BOYS FOR SOMETHING THEY DIDN’T DO AND—it’s fine it’s fINE it’s fine, I’m fine.

and, ok. ONE MORE “haha poor Isabella” moment that really doesn’t sit well with me is her “trying to ask phineas to the dance” subplot in “Out to Launch.” The end to the subplot itself isn’t the issue—because, again, Phineas isn’t obligated to return/comprehend Isabella’s feelings. BUT, the way the episode built up to that moment, spending half an hour telling Isabella to “hold that thought” whenever she tried to talk to anyone about her plan and leaving her feeling like an afterthought....only to CRUSH HER SPIRIT EVEN MORE AT THE END??? like. w h y. what did she do to deserve that.

I mean. Look at this poor girl☹️.

It looks like she’s on the verge of tears. But she fakes a smile and pretends to be okay even though she’s clearly hurting....remind me again how this is supposed to be funny???

Because it’s not funny. It’s just awful and sad. And like, this scene isn’t even framed as a joke really...the music is soft and kinda sad, it doesn’t end on a “sting” like you’d expect of a moment like this. So was the point????

Like, the writers could’ve just cut out the subplot entirely, have Isa ask Phineas to the dance out of the blue at the end, and then have him invite Ferb. Make it a one-off joke, not a sad subplot that just ends in more sadness. OR, they could’ve changed Isabella’s reaction to Phineas’s response. Have her roll her eyes, or just groan and be like “of course....” or chuckle dryly and quip “well! I’ll take what I can get/it’s better than nothing!” But no. We’re left with a sad shot of a girl who’s been pushing down her own negative emotions all day for the sake of others forcing a smile and hiding her sadness yet again.

and the fact that Candace succeeds in asking Jeremy to the dance is salt in the wound😑. Because Isabella is a kinder person than Candace. I’m not saying she “deserves” a love interest more than Candace does (sure I would’ve said that when I was younger but not anymore🤣), but it IS strange that the writers chose to “reward” Candace with a date and “punish” Isabella for no reason at all. (See, this is one of the main reasons I couldn’t stand Candace when I first got into the show😅)

And again, Phineas’s obliviousness isn’t the problem here: it’s the writing and framing of the entire subplot.

I mean, I GUESS Isabella’s plot could be seen as a comfort to other kids who’ve been in the same boat as her. But if THAT is what the writers were going for, they should’ve included a scene of the Fireside Girls comforting her and letting her express her true feelings and perhaps find a silver lining in getting to go to the dance with phineas at all. That would’ve ended the subplot on a much sweeter note, like: “Life doesn’t always work out the way we want it to, even if we ‘deserve’ for it to work out. You can still turn to your friends for comfort and try to find a silver lining in sad times, though!”

Like. U G H. I hate this subplot, I hate it. Thank goodness the writers started treating Isa better as the show went on👌.

(“That Sinking Feeling” is the perfect example of a “pining Isabella/oblivious Phineas” subplot done RIGHT. We get Phineas being painfully, hilariously oblivious, we get Isabella being aggravated but in a humorous way, AND we get a sweet moment between them at the end that above all is founded in friendship. That is the Phinabella dynamic. I’m glad the crew figured it out as they went along!)

#isa truly deserved better #like even in the end #she didn’t even get to confess properly #and SO MANY of her confessions/quality time attempts are ruined by things that have nothing to do with phineas being oblivious! #like! inators! Candace hijinks! if it weren’t for them isa would’ve confessed during The summer😑 #thanks for nothing status quo 😑 #....it’s fine IM #FINE #phineas and ferb #isabella garcia shapiro #phinabella #phinbella #cadence rambles #out to launch #canderemy #that sinking feeling #omg I have an ask!!

[cali-holland]

Under the Stars- Tom Holland One Shot

Pairing: Tom Holland X Reader

Prompt: When you invite Tom and Harrison to go to a cabin in the woods with your old college friends, Tom devises a plan to finally confess his feelings for you. Little does he know, the cabin belongs to your ex-boyfriend, and he’s also seeking your attention this week.

Word Count: 12k

Warnings: slow burn (ish), swearing, sexual themes (jokes/references), the reader kinda gets sexually harassed (nothing actually happens), fist fight + some blood, tom being a simp

A/N: this was a nine month process, so i hope you enjoy :) also thank you to @duskholland​ for being so supportive and reading through this fic and editing it. love you hannah! + Also reposting this because the tags didn’t work the first time :/ and tag list will be in a reblog!

Masterlist   Tom Holland Masterlist

*Moodboard is mine, pics used are not *

~~~

When you walked into Tom and Harrison’s house, you weren’t expecting to hear odd grunts coming from the living room. You’d heard many strange noises made in that house— a good amount of their sources were still unknown, but you’d never heard such aggressive grunts. For a moment, you considered slowly backing out of the house and knocking on the door. It would be easy to pretend like you didn’t have a key so you didn’t have to walk in on anyone doing anything gross in the other room.

But then Harrison walked into the entryway, smiling at you as a greeting, “Hey, Y/N.”

“Hey,” You replied, closing the front door hesitantly behind you. You pointed towards the living room, “Do I wanna know what’s going on in there?”

Before he could reply, there was a loud bang from the living room, followed by a string of curses. Forgetting all worries of what may or may not have been the cause of the noises, you hurried into the other room with Harrison trailing behind you.

Tom laid on the floor, groaning in pain as he clutched his foot. Tessa, who had been checking up on her owner, popped up happily when she saw you, rushing over to greet you at your feet. Tom looked up at you and Harrison in the door, forcing out his best smile. You stared at the large tent that was currently taking up most of the space in the living room, questioningly.

“Why do you have a tent set up?” You asked. Tom hopped up off the floor, standing beside the tent.

“Well, our camping trip is this weekend, so I thought I’d make sure it’s still durable.” Tom said proudly. He put a hand against the tent in an attempt to be smooth, but the tent came collapsing down, making Tessa bolt behind you from the sudden loud noise.

“And he wanted to make sure he could actually set up a tent, which clearly he can’t,” Harrison stated, and Tom glared at him in response.

“Were you going to tell him?” You laughed, turning to the blond beside you.

“And miss the opportunity to see him struggle setting up a tent for forty minutes? No, I didn’t tell him.” He smirked, only making Tom more frustrated and embarrassed.

“Tom, it’s a cabin. You don’t need a tent unless you don’t want to stay with everyone else.” You explained. “I just said camping because it’s easier to call it that.”

“Fuck you, mate.” He grumbled to Harrison, flipping him off before starting to put away the mess of a tent. You stepped in to help him, and Harrison just laughed to himself before leaving.

“I really thought you would’ve known. Did you really think I’d invite you and Harrison to spend several days in the woods with me and my college friends in tents?” You joked, “Besides, I didn’t think you’d come if it was actual camping.”

Tom paused his movements, but you continued to undo the poles, taking no notice of his action, “Why wouldn’t I go if it was actual camping?”

“I don’t know.” You shrugged, looking at him with your usual charming smile, “You’re not the outdoorsy, camping type. You don’t exactly go out and rough it in the woods on the weekend, like Will or Tyler; you play golf with Harrison and your dad.”

While your words were well-intended and teasing, Tom couldn’t help but take them to heart. He took everything you said to heart.

It was hard for him to be so helplessly in love with you, his best friend (besides Harrison) from BRIT school, for the past few years while you were completely blind to it. Normally, he’d do little things to impress you because he still wasn’t sure if he wanted you to know about his feelings— if you knew, there was a chance you’d reject him, and Tom wouldn’t know what to do with himself if that happened. Recently though, he’s started to feel like his heart was going to explode if he didn’t tell you soon, but that didn’t mean he knew how to tell you.

So when you asked if he wanted to go on a camping trip with you, of course he said yes right away. His mind told him that, no, he really wasn’t the outdoorsy, “roughing it” kind of guy, but his heart told him it was a chance with you. He was a sap and thought that maybe he’d pluck up the courage to tell you how he felt under a moonlit campsite, maybe even the two of you could share a tent, maybe he could kiss you in the lake— god, did he want to kiss you.

That had all come crashing down when he’d realized it wasn’t a romantic camping getaway. You’d invited Harrison and a few college friends, friends that neither Tom nor Harrison had ever met. And there was one friend in particular who Tom never wanted to meet— Will, your ex-boyfriend. You two ended things mutually, but Tom couldn’t stop himself from feeling like he needed to compete against Will, especially when he discovered it was Will whose family owned the land you’d be camping on; Will who took you on hikes all around your college town; Will who taught you how to fish and how to kayak with the lakes nearby; Will who one time got bitten by a rattlesnake and sucked out the venom himself; Will who could climb any mountain and come back unscathed. Will was an outdoorsy “roughing it” badass fucker that Tom despised.

And now, you had just furthered proved that Tom was a delicate flower compared to the lumberjack prick that was Will. He didn’t care about being compared to Will’s best friend, Tyler, who (from what you’d told Tom) was in a serious relationship with your other friend, Jane. Besides Jane, the other person accompanying you all to the cabin was Rose, your best friend and Will’s sister. Needless to say, Tom was very grateful that Harrison was coming along too— he didn’t think he could handle a Will-centered week alone.

“We can just leave this for now. I know I promised you Nando’s before we leave.” Tom said, getting up from his spot on the floor.

“Are you sure? We can just get it on the way to the airport.” You said, looking at the tent mess before you.

“Come on, it’ll be fine.” He held a hand out to you and you took it, so that he could pull you up. Before you two could make it out the door, Harrison arrived downstairs with a loaded hiking backpack in hand.

“I know you’re not trying to sneak to Nando’s without me.” He said, and Tom glared at him from behind your back. Harrison was very well aware of Tom’s feelings for you— everyone was except for you, and he took every chance he could get at being a little shit about it, which included ruining quality time for Tom to spend with you.

The three of you left to grab your last meal in the UK before heading back to their house. Tom finished putting away the tent, and Harrison loaded up Harry’s car with your bags as well as his and Tom’s. Harry (through bribery from Tom) drove you all to the airport for the first step in your camping trip.

Since you went to school in the US, all of your friends would be meeting you across the pond. Will’s family cabin was located in Maine, so the flight wasn’t too bad for the three of you— though Tom wished it was longer so he could devise a more accurate plan to impress you this weekend. He had to prove that he could be the outdoorsy badass guy you wanted. He had to outcompete Will.

“Why would you have to outcompete him?” Harrison asked Tom after hearing his dilemma. Fortunately, you were getting the rental car for the three of you to make it to the cabin.

“Because it’s clearly a competition.” Tom stated, nervously fidgeting with his fingers as he looked over at you across the way. “She told me I’m not outdoorsy like Will- that makes it a competition and I have to beat him.”

As much as Harrison loved to see his friend fail at keeping it together around you, something felt wrong about telling him, ‘yeah, it’s totally a competition, so go beat up her lumberjack ex’. Instead, he tried, “I don’t think that’s what Y/N meant. You do golf more than you go camping.”

But Tom took no notice of his advice, “Just watch. I’m going to be the manliest man this weekend.”

“Hey guys,” You smiled, coming up to them, making Tom jump very unmanly-like in the process. “You ready to go?”

The journey to the cabin was a fairly long one. After a couple of hours of driving, you parked the car in one of those reserved parking lots off the side of the road. Tom and Harrison both looked around in confusion, spotting nothing but trees and a gas station.

“Why are we stopped?” Tom asked you as you got out of the car. Tom and Harrison followed you out of the car.

“We gotta hike in.” You replied. “The cabin’s down by the lake, so there’s no actual road to get there. It’s only about a mile and a half hike in. Be ready for lots of hiking. I think tomorrow we’re going to hike 12 miles.”

By the time you three got to the little a-frame cabin, it was already dinner time, which was great because that meant you three could sleep soon. The five hour time difference was already starting to hit. Before you could even step inside the cabin, your best friend met you with a bone-crushing hug.

“You’re here!” Rose smiled, stepping out of the hug after a moment.

“We made it.” You laughed. Your other friend, Jane, stepped up next to hug you. “I missed you two so much.”

“We missed you too.” Jane replied. You caught their eyes trailing over to Tom and Harrison behind you, and you remembered that they hadn’t met before. 

“Oh, girls, this is Tom and Harrison; guys, this is Rose and Jane.” You introduced the two parties with a smile. After a polite exchanging of handshakes, you looked at the two girls curiously, “Where are the boys?”

“Will wanted to get in a light swim before dinner.” Rose laughed, and Jane made her way back to the kitchen. “Come on, I’ll show you your rooms.”

Rose gave the three of you a little tour of the cabin. The front door had placed you all in a little entryway room with a simple, wooden staircase taking up most of the room; a fireplace sat beside the stairs with a small loveseat across from it. Besides a rather large bookshelf, it was relatively empty, but elegantly simple nonetheless. There were four doors downstairs, all intricately designed with the same light wood color as the stairs. The first door on the left was explained to be Will’s room, and the second was Tyler and Jane’s. The third stood as the main bathroom, as Rose described it. The fourth door led to Tom and Harrison’s room.

It wasn’t very big— neither of the rooms were according to Rose, but that was the a-frame style of a quaint log cabin. A bunk bed sat on the side of the room with a small wood dresser across from it. There was enough space for the two boys to coexist, and Tom was just grateful he didn’t have to bunk with Will of all people; he was glad he had his best friend with him.

The upstairs of the cabin held the open space of the kitchen and the main living room. With large glass windows covering one of the walls, the living room had a magnificent view of the woods outside, and three couches were set in place to overlook it. Under the couches sat a large bear rug, one which both Tom and Harrison eyed suspiciously at first before Rose laughed it off, reassuring them that it was fake. Behind the couches, the dining room was situated beneath a beautiful antler chandelier and set for eight places, completing the rustic vibe of the cabin. The kitchen, while it was small, seemed to be just as well put together as the rest of the cabin, complete with a breakfast bar. The smell of Jane’s favorite lemon salmon filled the air, making you even more excited for dinner.

Next was your own room, which was just past the kitchen. A queen bed was pushed in a nook with only the foot of the bed accessible. Unlike Tom and Harrison, you and Rose didn’t mind sharing a bed, which is why they got the smallest room downstairs. Right beside your bedroom door was another bathroom.

“You brought stuff for s’mores, right?” You asked Rose as you walked with her, Tom, and Harrison off the cabin’s porch to the nearby shed where they kept all of their hiking and lake gear.

“Yes, absolutely!” She eagerly replied, a happy skip in her step.

“S’mores are a real thing?” Tom questioned in disbelief.

“Of course! You can’t camp without—” You let out a shriek as you felt cold, wet arms wrap around your waist, picking you up and spinning you around. You laughed, immediately knowing it was Will. “Oh my god, Will! Put me down! You’re all wet.”

Will chuckled, setting you back down on the solid ground, “Well, if it gets you wet.”

“Fuck off.” You scoffed, smacking his chest playfully. It was then that you realized he was shirtless— shirtless and dripping wet from the lake and gloriously tan and somehow more built than the last time you saw him. Tyler, on the other hand, was still Tyler; still an attractive young guy, but not attractive to you and that most likely has to do with him dating Jane for as long as you’ve known him.

“Ty!” You smiled, hugging him tightly, not even caring if your clothes got wet and gross anymore. You’d just change later when you could.

Tom straightened up a bit, already feeling uneasy about Will’s presence. Will looked like the lovechild of Zac Efron and Chris Evans, with a hint of Scott Eastwood; he was perfect, there was nothing wrong with him. It made Tom question why you two broke up. Even though Tom knew you’d said it was mutual, he also knew it took a lot for girls to walk away from guys that look like that. Meanwhile, Harrison just bit his lip to keep from commenting on his friend’s ridiculous territorial issues. 

“So, you two must be Tom and Harrison.” Will held out a hand to them, smiling politely. Tom took his hand, trying to subtly shake it sternly as if to prove he was better than Will— childish, Tom knew it, but he already hated this guy with his six pack abs and perfectly white smile. Will didn’t back down though, squeezing Tom’s hand equally as hard. Noticing both guys tensing up, you looked between them awkwardly, having never seen either of them put on the tough guy act.

With introductions out of the way, you all trekked back inside the cabin. While Will, Tyler, and even you changed into dry clothes, Rose helped Jane finish dinner, leaving Tom to frustratedly rant to Harrison in their room.

“God, he’s so annoying.” Tom scoffed.

“He said two words to you.” Harrison stated, “Try to play nice. I don’t think Y/N wants you two to keep having a ‘my dick’s bigger’ contest.”

“But mine is and I know it!” He exclaimed, before realizing he didn’t know how thin the walls were- and how odd that implication was, “Whatever. He’s stupid. This trip’s stupid.”

Harrison was too busy laughing  to even attempt a response to his friend. Instead, there was a knock on the door, pulling both of them from their conversation. Tom opened the door and immediately softened when he saw you, clad in one of his old sweatshirts that he didn’t even realize you still had. It gave him a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, he didn’t need to worry that much about Will this week.

“Nice shirt.” Tom commented with a smile.

“Thanks,” You smiled back, “I’ve actually been meaning to give it back to you.”

“What? Why?”

“Is dinner ready?” Harrison asked, cutting off the two of you and reminding you both of his presence. As if on cue, his stomach growled loudly.

“Yes, it is.” You laughed, almost embarrassed from forgetting why you had been at their door in the first place. You tugged on Tom’s hand, pulling him out of the room. Harrison grumbled something dejectedly, but you paid no mind to it. Tom sent his friend an apologetic look, though he made no attempt to make Harrison any less of the unofficial third wheel on the journey upstairs to the dinner table.

It didn’t go unnoticed by Tom how you sat beside Will, even if Tom got the free seat beside you. Harrison slipped into the seat next to him with Rose to his right. The dinner of salmon with potatoes, salad, and bread seemed simple enough, but it was still quite possibly the best fish you’d ever had.

“Did you get a bone?” You asked Tom, seeing him awkwardly moving his mouth like his tongue was fishing out a hard piece of salmon. Blushing from you calling attention to his struggle, he held up a napkin to cover his mouth, trying to spit out the bone without it looking too gross.

“Yeah,” He admitted sheepishly, muffled by the napkin.

“I thought you got them all out.” Jane said, looking at Tyler expectantly.

“Don’t look at me, that was Will’s job.” Tyler laughed as he used his friend as the scapegoat.

“Must’ve missed one.” Will shrugged, before joking, “You’re still welcome that I caught these.”

“You caught this salmon?” You said, “I thought you only did catch and release?”

“I still do, for the most part, but this salmon was too good of an opportunity to pass up.” He explained. Tom was already boiling with embarrassment, and now he had jealousy bubbling over- of course this perfect fish was caught by the perfect outdoor man beside you.

“So, Tom, Harrison, we were talking about going for a run around the lake tomorrow morning. Want to come?” Tyler asked.

“Sure. How far?” Harrison replied, and Tom nodded in agreement.

“The loop’s about five miles.” Will answered.

“Are you going to run with us?” Tom asked you, knowing back home in Kingston you’d sometimes join Harrison on runs. Tom wasn’t the type to just go out for a casual run like his best friend was, but he wasn’t about to back down from this.

“Nah, you two can keep up with the cross country runners.” You joked, “I’d much rather save my energy for the hike.”

Once dinner ended and no one choked on any more fishbones, you all migrated to the couches. Much to Tom’s chagrin, you sat in the middle couch between Will and Rose, while Tom and Harrison sat on the couch opposite a very cuddled up Jane and Tyler. The fireplace in the corner crackled, keeping the room comfortably warm. When Rose suggested you all play charades, the entertainment for the evening was decided, especially considering the cabin had very weak cell-signal and no television.

“What are the teams?” You asked, sitting dead in the middle of everyone with three friends to your left and three to your right.

“Let’s do 3 against 4, so you choose who you wanna be with, Y/N.” Jane suggested as Rose stood up to get a boxed set of charade cards from the game cabinet near the kitchen. You looked between the two sets of friends. You wanted to lean towards Tom, Harrison, and Rose, because the two boys were incredible at charades, and Rose was your go-to partner for Password at least.

“Come on, you know you wanna be with us.” Will teased, throwing an arm over your shoulder.

“Just for that, nope.” You laughed and took his arm off you. You stood up from that couch and squeezed in between Tom and the arm. To make room for you and to mock Will, Tom casually put his arm on your shoulder and you made no effort to take it off.

Rose returned with the box of cards and the game began with you and Jane pantomiming first. The words ranged from silly ones like centipede to more inventive ones like lapdance; either way, you all were laughing and enjoying the evening. Tom was highly appreciative of the humor because more than once, you laughed so hard that you fell into him, clutching his knee or completely falling over into his lap. It wasn’t anything out of the usual for him to see you so effortlessly happy, but he enjoyed all the little touches.

“Okay, okay.” You breathed out, doing your best to compose yourself. You stood up from the couch with Tyler so that you two could read the answer and continue the round. Reading over the card, “Catch 22”, you began to think about what you could do to act out the card. As if it wasn’t impossible enough to describe it with words, you had to act it out. But then the lightbulb went off- you had a secret advantage and he was sitting right in front of you, as long as he could figure it out.

“Ready?” Tyler asked you nervously, and you nodded. Tyler started with the usual way of beginning: how many words and what it is. You immediately pointed at Harrison.

“Me?” Harrison spoke in confusion, and you nodded before pointing to your stomach, doing your best to act his death from the series.

“Catch 22?” Tom offered, and Harrison looked at him dumbfounded, still trying to connect how it was him as your main clue.

“Ah, thank god.” You smiled, cheering as he guessed it right. Tyler and the others sighed.

“How the fuck did you get that?” Jane questioned.

“Haz, here, was in the show.” Tom replied, proud of his friend. You were surprised by your college friends’ collective shock, but you were most intrigued by Rose’s reaction.

“Oh my god, I thought you looked familiar.” She said, impressed.

“Wait, you actually saw it?” Harrison asked.

“Yeah, I think I might have cried when you died.” She admitted, brushing a loose hair behind her ear, and that’s when it clicked for you- she was totally into Harrison.

“And you’re an actor too, Tom, right?” Will spoke up, casually taking a drink of his beer. You eyed him skeptically; he knew Tom was an actor. Back when you two were dating, you’d talk about your best friend’s accomplishments, so why was he now asking? Your only answer was it would clearly get a rise out of, at least, you, if not Tom as well.

“Yeah, only been in little indie movies. Nothing anyone’s heard of.” Tom played it off jokingly, causing you to smack him on the arm a little, your hand resting on his bicep.

“My mom loves that movie you did with Ewan McGregor.” Rose commented.

“Ah yeah,” Will laughed, “The one where you’re like 12.”

“I wasn’t 12, but thank you.” Tom replied sarcastically, and you could tell he was biting back a scoff. 

“Well, we’ve all seen the Marvel movies so you can brag a little about those.” You teased, making him blush.

“I know I cried when everyone was getting dusted.” Jane stated in a way to poke fun at Rose’s previous words.

“Never saw them.” Will shrugged carelessly.

“Yes, you did.” You corrected him immediately, and you felt Tom tense a little under your touch. While Tom liked that you were being supportive about this, he couldn’t help but feel like something was wrong.

Will acknowledged Tom’s clenched jaw and decided to press it a bit further, “Babe, if you’re talking about Infinity War, then, no, I didn’t pay attention.” He chuckled, “Don’t you remember we were in the middle of something?”

Tom wondered, at first, what he meant exactly. You dropped your hand from Tom’s arm and covered your face in embarrassment, but before you could comment, Rose let out a whine, “Gross, I was right next to you two.”

“Not like you’ve never gotten it on in a movie theater.” Tyler joked.

“Can we please not talk about this?” You groaned, getting up from the couch. “I’m going to bed. I’m tired.”

“That’s not a bad idea.” Jane stated as she stood up with a yawn. You closed your door, escaping to the privacy of your room, not wanting to think about how your ex just told everyone about that night- in your defense, you’d already seen the movie before so you weren’t missing anything.

Tyler and Will followed after Jane, leaving Tom, Harrison and Rose as they cleaned up the few cards that were left out. Feeling the awkwardness radiating off of Tom, Rose delicately spoke up, “Will’s just being a dick.”

“It’s fine.” Tom reassured her.

“Did you really cry when I died?” Harrison asked her the question that’d been on his mind since the second she’d made the comment. They started talking about the show, and Tom took that as a sign to leave. He thought for a moment about knocking on your door and checking in on you, but then he realized it might be too uncomfortable for you to talk about. There were times, like tonight with charades, that Tom considered maybe you liked him back, based on all your little touches here and there, but then, with Will’s comments floating around his mind, his thoughts were plagued by the doom of the friendzone. Tom didn’t know if he’d be able to sleep tonight knowing that you and your annoying ex ‘got it on’ in the theater during his own movie- what if he was dying on screen but you were too enraptured in Will to cry like Rose had cried over Harrison dying?

Tom only had a few minutes to himself before Harrison came back into their shared room, asking him, “How’re you feeling about the run tomorrow?”

“It’s going to kill me.” Tom sighed, and Harrison shrugged before climbing into the top bunk.

“Should’ve been running with me.” He laughed, “It’s not even that far.”

“I haven’t run five straight miles since Jake nearly killed me at the gym.” He replied, tidying up his bag.

“Why are you cleaning?” Harrison asked, looking down at his friend. “Are you worried Y/N’s going to come into the room or something?”

“Shove off.” Tom grumbled. Harrison took off his sweaty socks that he’d neglected to remove before getting into his bed and threw them down at his friend. One missed Tom completely, and the other clung to his shoulder. “That’s fucking gross.”

“If you’re cleaning, then clean them up.” He snickered. Tom threw the sock back at his friend, but it missed and weakly fell to the ground. A knock came from the other side of the door, and Tom opened it, smiling when he saw it was you, his absolute favorite person on this godforsaken trip. While you looked rather cute in your casual summer pajamas, he frowned when he saw his sweatshirt in your hands.

“Are you returning it?” He asked, and you laughed.

“It doesn’t smell like you anymore.” You said quietly, hoping Harrison didn’t hear your words. You held it out to Tom, “I figured I can give it back to you for a time, and then steal it once it smells like you again.”

“Wait a second.” Tom took the sweatshirt from you and disappeared into the room, rummaging through his once neat backpack to grab out another sweatshirt. He handed it to you, “Maybe this could suffice for now?”

Smiling, you sniffed it a little before tugging it on, “Thanks. It’s so cold upstairs, I don’t know how I’d sleep without it.”

“You could always bring your own.” Harrison said from the top bunk. Tom turned and chucked the other sweatshirt at him. You rolled your eyes at his words.

“Watch it, Osterfield, or your mattress is going to end up in the middle of the lake with you still sleeping on it.” You playfully threatened.

“I’m quaking with fear.” He laughed, laying down on the bed out of sight.

“Well, I should go.” You told Tom, “Thank you for the sweatshirt. Good night.”

“Good night, Y/N.” He smiled softly at you. As you walked away, he slowly closed the door, pleased with himself and his choice in sweatshirts. He turned to finish getting ready for bed, just in time for Harrison to throw the sweatshirt back at him.

“I will kick you out of this room.” Tom grumbled.

“I’d like to see you try.”

You didn’t sleep well that night. Even with Tom’s sweatshirt, your room was unbearably cold, and it didn’t help that Rose snored. With only a few hours of sleep under your belt, you woke up the next morning to the sun streaming in through the large window behind the bed and Rose already up and out of the room. You padded into the kitchen, making yourself some tea with the rustic teapot that was set out on the counter. Spotting Rose and Jane standing out on the balcony, you made your way outside.

“Good morning.” You said through a yawn, coming to stand beside Rose.

“We were wondering when you were going to wake up.” Jane teased. You looked at your two friends quizzically, taking a sip of your steaming tea.

“You already missed part one of the gun show.” Rose joked, sitting up straighter to look over the edge of the balcony, “They should be back any second.”

“Oh God.” You laughed, remembering the boys and their run this morning.

“I know I’m with Tyler, but damn, Y/N.” She teased, and Rose nudged you playfully. “Here they come.”

Seeing motion through the trees, you looked over at the runners. It was obvious they were racing the last bit of the run, considering how triumphant Harrison looked when he arrived first with Will right on his tail. And then came Tyler, and finally Tom. There was probably only a few seconds between their arrival, but it was still amusing to spy the looks on their faces. They were all shirtless and glistening in a layer of sweat, and they hadn’t noticed the three of you on the balcony at all- not that you were complaining. You’d rather not have them catch you all checking them out so unabashedly.

“Look at that. 24 abs right there.” Jane let out a small sigh. While her comment was for all four boys, her eyes stayed trained on Tyler. Rose, on the other hand, had her eyes on Harrison’s figure, which you noted to tease her about later. But you, you couldn’t help but check out Tom’s bare torso- there was a reason you didn’t watch either Spider-Man movie with him- you always ended up a little too focused on his shirtless scenes.

“Enjoying the show?” Tyler called up to the three of you, a cheeky smirk on his face, as they all made their way up to the cabin. You could’ve sworn you saw Tom blush a little when he met your gaze before Harrison playfully shoved his friend, making Tom lose focus on you and shove him right back.

“Boys.” Rose laughed quietly to you. You bit your lip, nodding in agreement.

“I’m glad I didn’t miss part two.”

The boys made their way into the kitchen, seeking out some water and gatorade as you and the girls went back inside to greet them. The sweet smell of salmon from last night was gone, overthrown by the ever lovely smell of sweaty men.

“It smells like a gym in here.” Rose gagged in disgust.

“I would’ve gone for sweaty ballsack, but yours is much nicer.” Jane laughed.

“Janie would know.” Will teased, clapping Tyler on the shoulder as he drank from his water, making the other choke a little.

“So how was the run?” You asked Tom as he and Harrison came over to you, Tom’s bottle of gatorade almost gone already. The other four got engrossed in their own conversation.

“Just a small workout, nothing too bad.” He replied, brushing it off.

“He was dying.” Harrison stated, making you laugh. “I told him he’s got to run with me more.”

“Well, you won, Haz, so congrats.” You replied.

“How did you know we were racing?” Tom asked. His ears turned pink from thinking that you knew he came in last.

“The four of you act like teenage boys; of course you’re going to make a race out of a casual run.” You teased.

“We should probably go stretch before our muscles tighten up again.” Harrison said, already backing up towards the stairs. Tom made his way to follow him, and you spoke up.

“I’ll come with.” You offered, setting your mug of tea on the counter. You followed them downstairs and out to the patio, feeling like you might as well spend some alone time with your two closest friends.

“You two think you can make it on the hike today?” You teased, already seeing Tom walk a little funny.

“Yeah, yeah, we got this.” He reassured you, sitting down on the solid ground to start stretching his legs. You started to stretch with them, and Harrison looked at you funny for it.

“Why are you stretching?” He asked with a laugh.

“It helps with flexibility.” You shrugged, switching legs as they did, all three of you mirroring the same poses. “How was the lake?”

“It was nice. We weren’t exactly looking at it though.” Tom replied with a chuckle.

“I don’t know, you were going so slow, I thought you were.” Harrison joked and Tom kicked his foot out, hitting Harrison in the leg.

“It’s shit like this that made me believe you were racing.” You laughed.

“I don’t do long distance running. I like focusing on my abs a lot more.” Tom defended himself. You flicked your eyes down to his abs, nodding a little, but Tom was so focused on his stretching that he had missed your small action, whereas Harrison fully caught it. He laughed, sending you a wink, and you flipped him off. Tom caught that exchange though, “Did I miss something?”

“Nope.” You replied quickly, only making Harrison laugh harder, “He’s just being a dumbass. Onto hamstrings.”

The three of you laid down to stretch your hamstrings, and you heard Tom let out a small groan from beside you. “I can’t do this. I fucking hate leg day.”

“Need help?” You offered. Before he could protest, you were already on your feet. He held his leg up as high as he could, and you pressed on his foot to stretch his hamstring even more.

“What if I need help too?” Harrison pouted, even though he was stretching his leg just fine.

“Sorry, Haz, it’s just you and your hand.” You joked, making Tom laugh.

“I see how it is. Ha ha, it’s me and my hand, and Tom and your hand, Y/N.” He sarcastically replied, as you dropped Tom’s leg and he bent his knee for you to lean on his shin. You helped him to deepen the stretch through his leg.

“Someone’s jealous.” Tom said, before grimacing a little.

“Was that too far?” You asked, loosening your hold on his leg, not wanting to overstretch his hamstring.

“A little.” He replied.

“God, Y/N don’t be so rough on him.” Harrison piped in, still having no issue stretching on his own.

“Haz, if you’re going to be a pouty baby about not having a stretching buddy, talk to Rose. She was totally checking you out earlier.” You stated, trying to change the conversation off of Harrison’s unnecessary innuendos. You let go of Tom’s leg and reached for his foot to stretch his other hamstring.

“Wait, really?” He asked, dropping his leg to peer at you with a serious look on his face.

“Yeah, why would I lie to you about that?” You laughed, “Besides, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her read a book, so I think she was lying about Catch 22.”

Flustered, Wide eyed and blushing, Harrison mumbled something about grabbing a shower before bolting off. You exchanged a curious look with Tom, but he followed after his friend.

You made your way inside after them and went to fix yourself another cup of tea. When you saw Will alone in the kitchen, you momentarily considered changing your mind and going to your rook, but it was too late, as he had already seen you.

“Want a cup?” He asked, holding up the coffee pot after he finished pouring himself a cup.

“No thanks.” You replied and made your way to the kettle.

“Enjoy the show earlier? Tyler and I started this new training routine that’s supposed to help with bulking up.” Will said. It took everything in you to not roll your eyes at his words.

“And how’s that working out for you?” You asked, not even trying to hide your disinterest. You still hadn’t forgiven him for his immature comments last night. Plus, the more you saw Will interact with Tom, the more justified you felt with your annoyance.

Will stepped closer to you. Slowly, he took one of your hands in his and pressed it to his abs, and you’d be lying if you said you couldn’t feel every part of his toned stomach. As much as you hated to admit it, you felt like you were falling under his trance again. “There’s more where that came from. Why don’t you come by my room tonight?”

He dropped your hand, and you were pulled out of your foggy state. You stepped away, turning away from him to continue getting yourself some tea. You felt his body envelope yours from behind. His head rested on your shoulder and his hands smoothed over your waist. Pressing a kiss to your cheek, he murmured, “I miss you.”

At his words, something inside of you snapped and you jolted away from his embrace, slapping his hands away. Firmly, you said, “I don’t miss you.”

Will left the room without another word, and you were left to ponder what the hell just happened as you stood alone in the kitchen.

It wasn’t until a few hours later that you all left on the hike, trailing through the towering trees to make your way to a nearby peak. You all stopped a few times for water and some food, and to even just enjoy nature. Between Jane’s ornithology degree, Tyler’s botany background, and Will’s forestry knowledge, identifying the different birds, plants, and trees around you was relatively easy.

“Can you imagine if we studied something environmental too?” Rose joked, nudging you in the shoulder as Jane mindlessly went on about the bird that had flown past nearly ten minutes ago.

“God, it would never end.” You laughed.

“What did you study?” Harrison asked Rose, making you look at Tom and roll your eyes at your friends.

“I’m a nurse.” She replied, and the two got swept into their own conversation.

“You sore yet?” You asked Tom, poking him in the side as you all continued the hike uphill.

“Me? Sore? Never.” He laughed. He shook his head to try to hide the slight hurt from the question. First, you didn’t think he was outdoorsy enough and now you think he can’t handle doing some mileage. “I’m perfectly fine.”

“Oh sure.” You smiled at him. Tyler pointed out a specific plant as you all passed it, talking about the intricate properties of the shrub.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been more confused about nature.” Tom mumbled to you quietly. Since you two were far enough behind Tyler, Jane, and Will, they couldn’t hear his comment.

“Don’t worry. I have no clue what he’s talking about either.” You reassured him before letting out a small yawn.

“Did you not sleep well last night?” He asked, looking over at you in concern.

“Someone was snoring a bit too loud for me to sleep.” You said, loud enough for Rose to hear. She stopped and spun around to face you, face red in embarrassment.

“It’s a nasal condition! You know how I get when it’s cold!” She defended. As much as she tried to sound angry, she still had a small smile on her face.

“Love you, Rose.” You blew her a kiss, laughing at her reaction. She and Harrison turned back around and continued their conversation about who knows what.

“I think Harrison’s got a nasal condition too.” Tom whispered, making you stifle a laugh to not draw attention back to the two of you.

“Rose doesn’t even snore that loud.” You admitted quietly, “Even with your sweatshirt, I was still too cold to sleep.”

“I can give you another one when we get back. You can double up.” He offered, “But it was pretty cold last night.”

“Thanks. I’ll probably take you up on that.” You smiled softly at him. “You know, I’m really happy you came.”

“I’m happy I came, too. Thanks for inviting me.” He replied, and you nodded in response. Tom paused after a moment, stopping his tracks to look at you with furrowed eyebrows, “Wait, did you not expect me to come?”

You looked at him in confusion, before answering, “I mean I did, but-“

“But I’m not outdoorsy, so you didn’t think I’d actually be here.” Tom grumbled in agitation, beginning to walk again quickly to catch up to the group. You ran up after him.

“Is that what this is about?” You questioned, your voice unintentionally raised, “That I said you weren’t the camping type back home?”

Harrison and Rose turned to look at the two of you, and Tom just bit his tongue to keep from exploding about the sensitive subject. He knew he shouldn’t have asked, but he just felt so inadequate with Will going on and on about trees and shit.

“What is going on with you?” You questioned with a huff of frustration.

“It’s nothing. Let’s just keep going.” Tom stated, shaking his head.

“I’m not going one more step until you tell me what the hell is up.”

“What’s the hold up?” Will called back when he noticed the stop in your hike. Tom went to step forward to continue the journey, but missed his footing on a particularly slick patch of leaves. 

A collective, concerned shout came from you and Harrison as Tom hit the ground. He groaned in pain, and Rose came to his side. All frustration at him slipped out of you as worry flooded your system.

“Tom, oh my god- are you okay?” You asked.

“I think I rolled my ankle.” Tom said, cradling his ankle in his lap.

Rose looked at it briefly, no noticeable swelling or bruising yet. “Can you stand on it?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” He replied before pushing himself to his feet. He bit back a grimace, standing on his ankle as normal, and you didn’t seem to be the only one to notice it. “Let’s finish the hike, yeah?” 

“You’re not hiking on that.” Rose shook her head with a small laugh.

“I don’t want to hold you all back. I can manage it, really.”

“It’s fine. We’ll continue on. Y/N can lead you back.” Jane spoke up, a little smirk playing on her lips.

“I’ll go with.” Harrison offered.

“As the house nurse, I feel obligated to walk back with him.” Rose added, and you caught the blush that touched her cheeks.

And just like that, it was settled. You, Rose, and Harrison would walk back with Tom, who was doing his best not to limp, which everyone saw through. Rose and Harrison made conversation the whole walk back, while you and Tom just stayed awkwardly silent. By the time you all made it back to the house, he still hadn’t spoken to you. You went to put away your hiking gear and found Tom a few minutes later, sitting on the porch as he looked at the forest before him, an ice pack on his elevated ankle to help with potential swelling.

“I meant what I said.” You spoke up quietly as you sat in the chair beside him. When he just continued to look straight ahead and not physically acknowledge your presence, you continued, “I am really happy that you’re here, Tom. I didn’t say that because I didn’t think you’d want to come. The only reason I wouldn’t expect you to come is because you’re always busy. I guess what I really meant was that I’m grateful you were able to make time for me this week, especially because I know the countless other, more fun things you could be doing right now. It really means a lot.”

After another brief silent moment passed between the two of you, he looked over at you with a small frown on his face. “Why would you think I wouldn’t make time for you?”

“Like I said, you’re busy. You do one movie after the other, and I feel like we hardly see each other anymore. It’s,” You trailed off, searching for the right word, “comforting that you’d want to spend your free time with me.”

“You’re my best friend. Of course, I’d want to spend time with you.”

You knew his words were sweet and that he meant every single one of them, but you still felt a small, subtle twist in your gut.  Another unnatural silence fell between the two of you until Rose came outside like a true savior.

“We’re planning on making s’mores tonight, are you down?” She asked, a cheery smile on her face.

“I’m offended you’re even asking me that.” You stated, and she rolled her eyes at you. You turned to Tom, smiling, “You’re going to love them. Just don’t burn yourself.”

“Burn myself?” He looked at you as if you were crazy, making you laugh.

“Don’t scare him.” Rose teased, “Besides, my money’s on Harrison burning himself first.”

“I heard that!” He called from inside the cabin through the screen door.

Just as Rose was about to leave to go back inside, Tom spoke up, raising his hand a little, still confused, “How do you burn yourself on s’mores?”

Several hours later, he got his answer.

“Ow, fuck, shit, ow.” Harrison cursed, dropping his burnt marshmallow into the dirt.

“That’s how.” You laughed as Rose clinked her s’more against yours.

“How do you know when it’s ready?” Tom asked, eyeing the marshmallow at the end of his stick. He slowly rotated the stick in his hands just as you had told him to do.

“Golden brown are the best, but they’re tricky to make because you can burn them instantly, which is what Harrison did.” You teased your blond friend beside you before taking a bite of your perfect s’more and turning back to face Tom on your other side. “Burnt ones aren’t bad, they just have a more burnt flavor, obviously.”

“So is it ready yet?” He questioned, but he was looking at you not at his roasting marshmallow.

“No,” You giggled. You finished off your s’more with another bite and scooted closer to him on the log. You placed your hand on top of his on the stick, twisting it so that the marshmallow was a few inches above the flame instead of right by the firewood. “And you just keep rotating it. You can see there’s already a gold hue to it.”

You smiled, looking over at him to find him already gazing at you with a soft smile of his own playing on his lips. The light from the campfire made his brown eyes sparkle with specks of gold.

“It’s burning!” Jane exclaimed, and you quickly retracted the stick and marshmallow, blowing out the fire on the now burned marshmallow.

“Well, it’s golden on one side, but burnt marshmallows are an essential part of the s’mores making business.” You said as you passed the stick back to Tom. You gathered the two parts of a graham cracker as well as some Hershey’s chocolate and set it up for a s’more.

“I think I need help with this part.” Tom admitted with a chuckle.

“So you put the marshmallow here.” You pointed at the graham cracker topped with a piece of chocolate. He moved the stick to put the marshmallow in its proper position, and then you put the other half of the graham cracker on top. Grasping the two graham crackers with the marshmallow in the middle, you finished, “And now pull out.”

“Hah, pull out.” Tyler laughed at the innuendo through a face full of his double stacked s’mores. Tom did as told, his eyes lighting up in excitement when you presented him his very own s’more.

“Ta-da. It’s real rocket science, isn’t it?” You joked, and Harrison elbowed you, still grumpy that he had lost his first marshmallow and burnt his hand trying to catch it.

“Burnt and fallen marshmallows are just casualties of s’more making.” Rose said.

“S’mores have to be the thing I miss most about living here— the U.K. just doesn’t do camping quite as well.” You stated, shaking your head a little in disbelief.

“How could you miss s’mores more than us?” Will asked, a playfulness in his voice, but you could recognize the serious undertones of his words.

“I’d miss s’mores more than I’d miss you.” Rose teased, saving you from having to actually think of a response.

“Hand me a marshmallow. I’m ready to try again for a golden one.” Tom said to you, and you reached over into the marshmallow bag beside you, slipping him the soft treat.

“Good luck.” You encouraged him with a laugh.

Tom’s second attempt ended up burnt as well, and you gladly ate it while he made his third one. By the time it was golden brown and ready to be eaten, Jane, Tyler, and even Will had retired for the night.

“That tastes so much better not burnt to a crisp.” Tom said, impressed by his own marshmallow-roasting skills.

“Camping heaven.” You agreed, finishing off the s’more he’d burned earlier.

Rose stood up with a small sigh, stretching her arms. “I think I might head to bed.”

“Me too.” Harrison stated, getting up after her. Tom looked at him questioningly, and you bit your lip, giving Rose a teasing look. She rolled her eyes at you, smiling to herself as she turned to head towards the cabin.

Noticing how Harrison’s hand caught hers once they were a decent distance from the campfire, you called out to them, “Good night!”

“Night!” They chorused back.

“Haz and Rose seem to have hit it off.” Tom commented once they were inside. Your eyes drifted from the dying fire up to the starry sky overhead. 

“Yeah, they really have.” You nodded, caught up focusing on the twinkling lights above you. Quietly, you admitted, “I’ll never get tired of looking at the stars.”

“I bet your neck will.” He joked, making you shake your head.

“They’re just so beautiful.” You mumbled.

“Really beautiful.” You heard Tom murmur under his breath. Your eyes flickered over to him, noticing how he was definitely staring at you and not the stars in the sky. When he turned to face the campfire, your eyes diverted back up to the stars, trying your best to suppress how fast your heart was racing.

“I used to know all of the constellations too. Will and I used to camp a lot, and I’d just study the stars until I fell asleep.” You confessed, attempting to strike up a conversation to keep you from your thoughts. When Tom said nothing in reply, a small sigh escaped your lips, and your eyes trailed back down to Tom beside you. Staring right into the dying campfire, he looked deep in thought.

“What’s on your mind?” You asked him, nudging him a little with your shoulder.

“It’s nothing.” Tom shook his head, but his attempts to play off his thoughts didn’t work on you. After a moment, he spoke up, barely meeting your eyes as he did so, “Did you and Will really— you know— in my movie—“ he trailed off, not wanting to finish his question. He was already apprehensive about the answer, and yet he couldn’t help himself from asking.

“In Infinity War?” You asked, laughing lightly at his question, or lack thereof. Looking up towards the sky again, you replied, “Unless you count the fastest handjob ever, no, we didn’t.”

Tom was silent, making you look back over at him. His shoulders were shaking as he bit his lip, doing his best to stifle his laughter.

“Shut up.” You scoffed, playfully hitting his arm. “It wasn’t like you were dying in the scene or anything. You weren’t even on the screen.”

“I didn’t say anything.” He insisted, before breaking into a fit of laughter, unable to contain it any longer. In that moment, you felt complete tranquility. Tom’s laughter broke through the silence of the atmosphere, making your heart flutter in happiness. His eyes were shut, and you could count every crinkle by his eyes. With the fire illuminating his features just right, he was positively glowing. If you wanted any moment to last forever, it was this one. Tom settled his laughter, “Sorry, I shouldn’t be laughing, but it’s just-” He paused, and his smile faltered momentarily, “It’s a relief.”

“A relief?” You repeated before you could help yourself, and Tom realized his words.

He cleared his throat awkwardly, thinking on his feet of an explanation, “It would’ve been really awkward if I was dying, and you and Will- yeah.” He stopped himself short, and a comfortable silence overcame the two of you.

“How’s your ankle feeling?” You asked, not wanting the conversation to end. If it ended, then that meant the night was over and your precious alone time with Tom was over.

“It’s fine, now. Honestly, it didn’t hurt that much.” He replied with a bit of a nod. You watched as he sucked in a tight breath, “I’m sorry about what happened earlier on the hike. I got frustrated and a little jealous. I was so determined to prove that I could be like Will that I just ended up being a dick.”

His words took a moment to sink in, but you found a small smile breaking over your face as you understood the layers of their meaning. You reached out and touched his knee. Softly, you admitted, “You have no reason to be jealous over Will. I’d never want you to be like him. The main reason that I broke up with him was because, well, he’s not you.”

You could see Tom think about your words for a moment before, ever so slowly, he started to lean in. Tom’s lips seemed to fit perfectly with yours, tenderly moving in sync as you both caved into your suppressed feelings. With one hand cupping your cheek, Tom’s other hand moved to your waist, pulling you in closer to him. You paid no mind to the uncomfortableness of your position on the log, too lost in the kiss to think straight. For the second time that night, you wished that this moment would last forever.

But it came to a quick, bittersweet end as Tom pulled away. His face stayed close to yours, his breath fanning over your face. A smile crossed his lips, “That took us way too long.”

“Way, way too long.” You agreed. He went to pull you in for another kiss, but the sudden cold of the dying fire pulled you two back to reality. Almost reluctantly, you said, “I guess we should probably head inside.”

It was far too cold for either of you to want to stay outside without the comforting heat. Gathering the food and putting out the last of the fire, you two walked back to the cabin, hand in hand.

“Thank you for the s’mores.” Tom said quietly to you, aware that most likely everyone in the cabin was sleeping. He placed the last couple bags of marshmallows and graham crackers on the kitchen counter (the chocolate was all eaten long ago), and you made a mental note to take care of it in the morning. 

“Any time.” You joked softly. Tom leaned in to give you a quick, but just as sweet good night kiss.

As he made his way over to the stairs, he spoke up again, “Don’t get too cold tonight.”

“Good night, Tom.” You laughed lightly, turning towards your bedroom door.

“Good night, Y/N.” 

With one last exchange of soft, sleepy smiles, you both turned to go your separate ways.

When you entered your quaint cabin room, you were met with Rose’s snores, a sharp contrast to your favorite sound that was Tom’s laughter from moments ago. You quietly maneuvered around the room, getting ready for bed. A smile ghosted your lips as you tugged on Tom’s hoodie. The familiar warmth and scent enveloping you comfortably.

You waited for sleep to overcome you on the cold bed; it felt like hours (when really, it was probably only ten minutes) before you finally decided to get up. With a small sigh, you shuffled out of the bed. Maybe the couch would give you more peace than your shared room.

As you made your way out of your room, you heard a door downstairs open. Curiously, you peeked down the staircase to see Tom emerging from the bathroom, in nothing but basketball shorts.

“What are you still doing up?” Tom asked you with his voice just above a whisper. You silently made your way down the stairs until you were in front of him.

“Couldn’t sleep. The room hasn’t gotten any warmer since last night.” You admitted, subconsciously crossing your arms.

“Come here.” Tom slowly uncrossed your arms, taking one of your hands loosely in his. He led you to his room. The door creaked open and shed some light into the dark bedroom. Wordlessly, he brought you over to his bed and dropped your hand to shuffle the blankets.

“What about Haz?” You whispered as Tom slipped into his bed, laying sideways and as close to the wall as possible to make some room for you.

“It’ll be fine.” He reassured you. You slid into the bed, finding comfort under the blankets. You laid on your side facing Tom, and it was then that you realized just how small the twin bed was— you two were close enough to each other that you could feel his minty breath fan over your cheeks, which still made you nervous even though just ten minutes ago he’d kissed you.

“We’re never going to fall asleep like this.” You teased softly. Tom let out a quiet laugh, shuffling so he was flatter on his back, giving you room to lay in his arms. With your head pressed to his bare chest and his strong arms circling around you, you finally found warmth.

“You’re really warm.” You mumbled into his chest, snuggling into his embrace and letting your legs tangle comfortably with his. It wasn’t the first time the two of you had cuddled, but it was the first time the two of you have cuddled on a tiny bed and with him being shirtless.

“Makes me the best cuddling partner.” Tom mumbled, his chest shaking lightly underneath you as he chuckled. You hummed in agreement, a smile forming on your face.

“Do you two ever shut up?” You heard Harrison question from the bunk above you.

“Do you always have to ruin a perfectly good moment?” Tom replied, and you subconsciously snuggled deeper into his embrace.

“I better not wake up in the middle of the night to noises.” He grumbled. The bed shuffled as he flipped over in his bed to get comfortable.

“Haz, that’s just you snoring.” You teased. He muttered something incoherent and you whispered to Tom, “Let’s wait until he starts snoring and then move his mattress to the lake.”

“Deal.”

Unfortunately for you but luckily for Harrison, you drifted off quickly, listening to the sound of Tom’s heart beating underneath you. You couldn’t help yourself; he made for the best pillow and the best heat source.

The next morning, you woke up with a start, hearing a loud thud from right beside you. Blearily, you leaned over the edge of the twin bed to find the source of the sound; when you saw a groaning, half-asleep Tom on the floor below you, a fit of laughter overcame you. The blankets were falling off the bed, all tangled up in his legs.

“Did you fall off the bed?” Harrison asked, even though all three of you already knew the answer, and you looked up to see him peering over the edge of the bunk bed.

“It’s not funny.” Tom muttered, frowning in faux annoyance at your continued laughter.

You held your hands out to him, offering to help him up even though you were in an impossible position to really help, still laying in the actual bed. Teasingly, you asked, “You got an owie?”

Chuckling, Tom reached up and grabbed your hands, pulling you off the bed. You let out a yelp as you landed on top of him, in a similar position to just last night. Your legs subconsciously fell on either side of his to somewhat straddle him, and you lifted yourself up on the palms of your hands to look down at him properly, a smile etched on your face. The familiar intoxicating pull from last night returned; you almost forgot Harrison was in the room— key word, almost.

“Get up before I come down there and join in.”

And with that, you quickly got off of Tom, and he scrambled to his feet. As Harrison came down the bunk bed ladder, you and Tom put the blankets back onto the bottom bed. You pondered where last night left the two of you, and you weren’t sure how to approach the subject. You were clearly more than friends, but were you more than friends in front of the others?

“What’s for breakfast?” Harrison asked, cutting you off from your thoughts. 

Over the course of the next few hours, you tried to somehow be alone with Tom to talk things over. It felt odd how things ended last night— not a bad odd, but odd nonetheless. Between the guys going for yet another run and you all spending time at the lake together, it just seemed like the opportunity would never come.

“God, I can’t believe it took you that long.” Rose teased, a giddy smile on her face as she cut off your recounting of last night. The boys were outside chopping some firewood while you, Rose, and Jane prepared dinner.

Jane winked at you jokingly, “What was it like?”

“What was what like? The kissing?” You asked, and she nodded.

“We want all the details!”

“In all honesty, it was the best kiss of my life.” You admitted, the butterflies you felt last night returning at just the thought.

As the three of you continued to talk, coo, and gossip about the four boys outside, they were hard at work. The late afternoon summer sun was bearing down on them, and they had stripped away their shirts earlier. Tom decided very early on that he didn’t like chopping wood, even if Harrison was somehow worse at it than him. While Tom and Harrison mainly kept to themselves, Will and Tyler had their own conversations going, despite the others clearly within earshot.

“You and Jane— I don’t know how you do it. One girl for all those years?” Will commented, and Tyler laughed with a shrug.

“It’s been so long, I don’t know what I would do without her. Plus, she’s the best fuck I’ve ever had.” Tyler said crassly, making his friend laugh.

“Mine was by far Y/N.” He stated, loudly, as if to ensure that Tom would hear it. At the sound of your name, Tom and Harrison both began to listen in on the conversation.

“It’s been years. Surely, there’s been someone else.”

“Nope.” Will protested, stopping his work to lean on the axe handle, “She was supposed to come over last night, but she must’ve gotten lost.” Tom couldn’t stop himself from scoffing at his words. Hearing the sound, Will turned to face Tom, “Got something to say?”

“Yeah, I do actually.” Tom said, dropping the axe. Holding himself up straighter, he made his way closer to Will. Harrison hesitantly stepped closer to Tom as the brunet continued, “She didn’t get lost, she just had a better option.”

“Better option? You mean you?” He bit back. “Yesterday, you couldn’t even do a simple hike without hurting yourself, and you’re shit at chopping wood. You may think you’re hot shit in London, but this is my turf, movie star. I’m the one who gets the girl here.”

Harrison went to grab Tom’s balled fist, but he was too late as Tom had already swung, nailing the surprised Will right in the nose. Will responded quickly, throwing a punch back at Tom. Tyler and Harrison exchanged questioning looks, silently wondering if they should break up the fight or just let them go at it, but the pair decided the former was probably a better idea.

Aware of sudden commotion outside, you, Rose, and Jane all rushed to the balcony, wondering what could possibly be happening. The fight between Tom and Will was ending as Harrison and Tyler both successfully pulled their respective friends away from the other. Even from the distance, you could see the new bruises on Tom’s face and Will’s bloody nose; it was most likely broken, but you didn’t have it in you to care. The boys were unaware of you and the others, until Harrison looked up at the balcony. He gave you a sad smile, and Tom was next to look up. Ashamed, he didn’t dare to meet your eyes and, instead, grabbed his shirt from a nearby log and trudged his way down to the lake.

Your eyes flickered to Will, and a pit of anger flamed inside you. Just by the look on his face, you didn’t even need to question who was the antagonist. Not bothering to say a word to Rose or Jane, you marched downstairs and out to where Will, Tyler, and Harrison remained.

“What did you say to him?” You questioned Will angrily. 

“Nothing he didn’t already know.” He replied nonchalantly.

“That’s bullshit, Will. This is all just bullshit. Every chance you get, you bring up something to antagonize Tom and embarrass me. And, every time you do that, you just remind me that you’re half the man Tom is.”

“You’re acting like I was the one to start the fight. News flash, princess, your man threw the first punch.” Will said, bitterly.

You stepped closer to him, your eyes hardening, and you swore you saw fear flicker in his eyes. “Believe me, if Tom hadn’t broken your nose already, I would break it myself.”

Without another word, you turned on your heel and headed down to the lake. You knew they were all watching you-- Harrison, Tyler, and Will from the ground and Rose and Jane from the balcony. The sun was already starting to line the tops of the trees across the lake, and you felt your anger slowly dissipating as you saw Tom sitting on the dock. With his legs swinging off the edge, he looked at peace, but you knew him better than that; a storm was brewing in his head.

You didn’t say anything, and Tom made no effort to look away from his hands in his lap as you approached. Silently, you sat down right next to him at the end of the dock. Now that you were beside him, you noticed the bruise forming on his eyebrow and the cut on his lip. Will definitely got a few good shots at him, but you could tell Tom had gotten him worse. Your eyes trailed down to his hands; his knuckles were red in agony. Slowly, you reached your hand out to grab his injured one.

“It doesn’t hurt.” Tom mumbled, but you could tell he was holding back the truth. You tenderly placed a kiss on each of his red knuckles before intertwining your fingers.

“Wanna talk about what happened?” You asked him quietly, fearing if you spoke too loud the fragile moment would somehow be ruined.

“He was talking about you like you were just a good fuck and nothing more.” He replied, his voice just as soft as yours.

You couldn’t help but smile at him, your heart fluttering at the thought that he was defending you. You let go of his hand and turned to properly face him. The smile never left your face as you cupped his face in your hands. Confused, Tom asked through a laugh, “What are you doing?”

You kissed his bruised eyebrow before responding, “Well, I’ve got to kiss it better, don’t I?”

“I think you missed a spot then.” Tom pointed to his lips with a cheeky grin. You pressed a chaste kiss to the cut on his lip, before teasingly pulling away. You didn’t get far as Tom’s hand went to the back of your neck, bringing you in for another, deeper kiss. Caught up in the moment, you somehow forgot about his cut; it wasn’t until you nibbled on his bottom lip, accidentally catching the cut, that you remembered and Tom pulled away with a quiet groan.

“I’m sorry.” You said through a laugh, though you were still genuinely concerned about him. Your fingers traced lightly over the agitated cut.

“It’s okay.” He reassured you. One of his hands trailed up your arm to your own hand, and he brought it to his lips, kissing it just as gently as you had kissed his knuckles. “You’re cold.”

“Guess my personal heater isn’t working.” You teased.

“Come here.” Tom beckoned you closer to him. You slid into his side, snuggling into his warm embrace. With his arm hanging around your shoulders, you slipped your fingers through his, smiling at the ease of it all.

“I wish we could stay like this forever.” You mumbled, looking at the beauty of the lake and the sunset before you. It was like a scene from a painting, a scene you wanted to memorize forever.

Tom pressed a kiss to your forehead, pulling you in closer to him. “We can stay here as long as you’d like, darling.”

#tom holland #tom holland one shot #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfic #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n

[4birds-of-a-feather]

Chapter 27 - Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight (when it’s exactly twelve o’clock that night) [part 5]

Birds Of a Feather

A bit late because we wanted to update on occasion of Jeff Ament’s birthday but it’s the thought that counts, right? ✨ Hope you’re gonna enjoy this, thanks for your patience!

(In the previous chapters: after Mike has made her reason, Layla has decided to finally do something about her crush on Eddie; Sara has been enjoying Demri’s company but her mood has been ruined by finding Jeff with another girl in what’s been her room for the last weeks; Stone has witnessed the entire scene and, after some failed attempts by Layla, is resolute to make Sara come out from the bathroom where she has locked herself up)

“There you are!” Eddie came up behind Layla’s back as she was chatting with a guy and a girl who told her they were going to be part of the band’s crew during their first actual tour. She had known for a while that the guys were about to leave to play some gigs outside Seattle but somehow she kept thinking about it as something happening in a much more distant future. Talking with the crew members she realized they were going to go to Canada in a little more than a week and, in less than a month, they’d be off to California. She was thinking about Eddie and the fact she’d be missing him and also that she and Sara would probably be back to their own apartment soon. When she heard him call her she got startled because it was like her thoughts materialized right there beside her. She turned around and saw him standing there, holding two glasses of what looked like red wine, lips curled up in a kind of goofy smile “Did I scare you?” “Hehe no, I just didn’t hear you coming” she awkwardly replied and took one of the glasses from his hands. <It’s a party, it’s loud, you’re not supposed to hear anything, you didn’t need to point that out> “Wine! Good idea! Hey Smitty, let’s go get some for the midnight toast as well” the girl told her friend as they exchanged an obvious look. “I’ve been doing toasts with Cready the whole evening, I can’t miss the big one. By the way, where is he?” “No idea, let’s go find him” she dragged him out of the way and left Eddie and Layla alone. “So…” Layla smiled at him and started to talk but didn’t know how to continue and hoped he would say something to fill the however pleasurable silence. “So… what about Sara? Where is she?” Eddie thought that if Layla wasn’t right outside that door anymore then things must have been settled. “Oh. She’s still in there, with Stone. He’s trying to talk her into starting the new year in a room that’s not the bathroom” she shrugged and took a sip. “Stone? And why did you leave it to Stone to solve the mystery?” the singer asked suspiciously, since he knew the two girls were inseparable and Layla sounded weirdly annoyed all of a sudden. For a fleeting moment he thought she could be jealous but immediately laughed at the idea. “He confessed he was the one who made her upset” “It’s Stone’s fault then? It’s always Stone’s fault”  “He told her Scorsese is overrated and you know she’s a little touchy on the movie department” “Ouch! Yeah, hehe, I guessed. So, she likes Coppola and Scorsese too” Eddie tilted his head like he was assigning new interesting information to his memory and drank some wine while the girl stopped right before drinking. “How do you know she likes Coppola?”  “Oh well, ehm, because… because she said it. Not like she told me directly but I think I heard her mentioning him a couple of times”  “I see…” “IT’S ALMOST MIDNIGHT, YOU FUCKERS! GO AND GET YOURSELF SOMEONE AND CHOOSE CAREFULLY WHO YOU WANT TO ENTER THE NEW YEAR WITH!” Cornell turned down the music for a second to yell his announcement, then turned it up straight away. Eddie and Layla turned their heads to watch Chris just like everybody else in the room and, when the music was back on and their eyes met, the awkward silence was back on. “Err, any particular New Year’s Eve’s tradition in France?” Eddie mentally kicked himself as he spoke.  <What the fuck did I just say??> “Oh, well, yeah, there are many traditions for nouvel an” she answered, taken aback by the question. “I’m all ears”  “Well, people usually go to the réveillon, that is the New Year’s Eve party, all dressed up for the special occasion” “And I see you respected the tradition perfectly” the guy was feeling he was making a fool of himself with Layla but couldn’t help it. “Thanks. Mmm and well, to ring in 1991 the French way the wine in our glasses should be sparkly but I prefer red so I can make an exception” “I prefer red too” Eddie was thinking less about the wine he was drinking and more about the color of Layla’s top.  “And, you know, at the stroke of midnight… everybody wish each other a happy new year and kiss” “Lovers kissing at midnight is a tradition that goes beyond borders, I guess” he watched as couples were starting to appear all around them and felt the urge to drink a little more. “But it’s not about lovers only, everybody kisses everybody”  “WHA-” “... On the cheeks” “Ah!” “Hehe, lovers usually s’embrassent sous le gui” Layla added giggling at Eddie’s funny face. “That is…? They kiss… like idiots?” “They kiss under the mistletoe” she explained. “Isn’t that on Christmas?” “In France it’s a New Year’s Eve thing” she drank up what was left of her glass of wine and realized she hadn’t thought about putting any mistletoe branch in the apartment.  <It wouldn’t have made any difference but…> “No mistletoe here though” Eddie said, almost mirroring her thoughts. “And no lovers either. At least, on my part” she sighed as she scanned the living room and noticed people already kissing without the need to wait for midnight or to have mistletoe hanging over their heads. “Same for me” their eyes met again and totally unexpectedly they both burst out laughing at the same time. “We’re such losers” Layla stated as she was catching her breath. “We can always enter the new year kissing each other’s cheek like the losers we are” “Agreed!” Layla and Eddie shook hands “But being losers, we also need more wine to enter 1991 properly” “Your wish is my command, Miss Boulais” he offered her his arm and she gladly took it as they made their way together to the drinks table.

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“You’ve been too harsh with Mike, Gossrad… I would have suggested my ex-apartment but the plumbing is fucked up, just like the electrical system and everything else” “No worries, I’m sure he has already charmed one of your neighbors – it’s a quality I envy him, to be honest” the guitarist sighed “C’mon, Sara, let me in” “I wanna be alone, is that such a hard concept to grasp? I hate New Year’s Eve, this is my normal mood for this day” “But you were totally fine before… has something happened to you?” “Well, I’m a great actress whose strongest suit is feigning happiness… now, seriously, nothing has happened: you must leave me alone, please”  He couldn’t see her but the way she had just said that last word struck something within him. “Scirea” “... what did you say?”   “I said Scirea, you fool!” “No, you mangled that word, you big fuckin’ idiot!” the girl almost growled “And that was a low blow, you shouldn’t have said it” “Desperate times call for desperate measures… C’mon, now you have to let me in, you can’t go back on your word” “I can’t believe you still remember it after all these years…” “I know, right? It’s just a code word that forces one of us to do whatever the other one wants, nothing remarkable”  “Just like your pronunciation, genius” she quickly retorted, making Stone snort. “So? What are you waiting for?” “You know you just blew the chance to use it for the rest of the year, right?” “Well, according to my watch I can survive this: it’s a quarter to midnight, after all” “Suit yourself,” Sara declared, finally peeping out from a crack in the door that she had just cautiously opened “but next year I’ll have two free passes to the word and it’s mandatory, ok?” “Deal” he smiled at her and followed her inside the room, then closed the door behind them. 

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“Hey, what time is it?” he heard the question as if it was coming from a distant voice but it actually came from the person right beside him. It was probably due to the loud music playing at the party but mostly to the fact that his mind was somewhere else, just like his eyes, which were searching through the crowd in the living room. At some point he looked further ahead through the foil curtain and noticed some kind of commotion near the bathroom. He clearly saw Eddie and Layla leave one after the other. Then the bathroom door opened once again and someone let Stone in. He didn’t see who was inside, but caught a glimpse of a blue silhouette and didn’t like it at all. “Jeff?? Are you deaf?” “Huh?” he immediately came back from his frozen zoned-out state and looked at the blonde right next to him, who was giving him both a perplexed and amused glance “... It’s almost 1991, I guess”

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“You know he died, right?” “Who?” Stone shifted in his seat, turning to look at the girl. They were both sitting on the floor, with their backs leaning against the door. “Scirea… last year, in a car accident” “Oh, I didn’t know” “Yeah, you never were a big soccer fan” Sara hugged herself “It’s a pity, he surely deserved much more fame” She then kept on rambling about his fate, what had caused his death, what kind of a job he was doing for Juventus and God knows what else; Stone couldn’t care less about soccer, that was true, but he listened to every single word without interrupting her: if babbling about deceased soccer champions kept her from wallowing in her own misery, he wouldn’t mind spending the next hours listening to her. Not at all. 

♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️

“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me??” Steve shook his head as he watched Layla and Eddie laugh together straight in front of him; in the meantime, somebody else was sitting near him and singing to himself. “When I was young, I never needed anyone…” “I can’t believe she hasn’t been single in like forever and now that I gave up putting the moves on her she’s fuckin’ single, for fuck’s sake?!” “And making love was just for fun…” “Oh shut up Elias, you’re probably still a virgin!” someone shouted behind the guy, who kept getting more and more dramatic and louder in his solo performance. “Those days are gone…” “And she’s already hooking up with some other guy – I mean, so much for being a devoted girlfriend” “Living alone, I think of all the friends I’ve known…” Elias drunkenly went on and put a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “I’m not your friend, man” “But I’m everything you’ve got left so I wouldn’t be so rude, you know?” Elias retorted really quickly before singing again “When I dial the telephone, nobody’s home” “You don’t even have a phone anymore, Dave said you forgot to pay the bill!” Matt said passing him by.  The red haired guy just gave him the middle finger and screamed at the top of his lungs: “ALL BY MYSEEEEEELF” “Oh, Jesus Christ” Steve facepalmed while everybody in the room looked at Elias and laughed. “DON’T WANNA BE ALL BY MYSELF ANYMORE” “I can’t believe even Lukin scored someone and I’m stuck here with you” he pointed at the couch where his bandmate was busy tongue-wrestling a goth girl. “UH! I LOVE THIS SONG!” Layla yelled out of nowhere and for a second the guitarist thought she was referring to Elias’ rendition but then he realized she meant the song by The Church that had just come up from the big stereo in the living room. She was dragging Eddie towards the center of the room when Elias tapped Steve on his shoulder. “Shall we dance?” he asked with a hiccup. “... I need a fuckin’ drink”

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Sometimes, when this place gets kind of empty Sound of their breath fades with the light

“This song…” “It was Layla’s idea, she specifically requested it” “Typical El: she has good taste in music but lacks some ability in the mixtape department… I hope she hasn’t asked you to put on some Dylan or Cohen as well” “Hell, that would spoil the party” “Lambada, on the other hand… no contest, c’mon” Sara exclaimed in a theatrical way, making the guitarist sneer. “Admit it, I brightened your whole evening!” “More like ruined it, champ” “Don’t think you can fool me, missy; I saw you before, when you were rambling on some astrological bullshit with Demri: you were practically grinning from ear to ear” “I told you, I’m a fairly good actress”

I think about the loveless fascination

“Jeez, Sara, is it so hard for you to just admit you were perfectly fine before? And then something happened – and you don’t wanna tell me what it was exactly – and-” he gesticulated, pointing out the bathroom and her “and you ended up here, all alone during New Year’s Eve” “I told ya, this is normal for me… I don’t enjoy New Year’s Eve and hate parties, so put the two together and you end up with my archnemesis” she shrugged, but wasn’t able to meet his gaze. “You’re impossible! I saw you running in here, ok?! I saw you and I’m still doing it right now, when nobody else is giving a shit about you!” he blurted out, and she was taken aback. “What the fuck do you mean?? What, you saw me having a mental breakdown and want me to thank you because you ran here like a knight in shining armor?! Fuck off, Stone! Just what am I supposed to do to make y’all understand you have to leave me alone?! Tell me, what-” the girl stopped because she felt her voice already quivering. <Fuckin’ great, Fancini! Have yourself a good cry, given how it’s been hours since you last cried your eyes out! And do it in front of somebody who probably still appreciated you and now will lose all the respect he had for you! Great fuckin’ job, you outdid yourself> “Hey… hey, it’s ok” he said, putting a hand on her shoulder, but she pulled back. “Nothing’s ok, understood? Nothing! And it’s all because he...” she finally sobbed, her eyes immediately watering like they had wanted to do ever since she had turned that goddamn light on.  <... ever since that July afternoon>

Under the Milky Way tonight

“Forget about him, ok? Let’s not talk about him” the guy kept on babbling. “How… how can you ask me to forget him?” she snapped out of it and recoiled, shooting him a glance full of both desperation and disgust for what he had just said. “Ok, then you don’t have to forget him,” he rolled his eyes, mustering all the patience he could “but we can talk about someone more important – you” “Me? More important? What’s that supposed to mean?”  “It means that you’ll stay silent and I’ll say every single thing that makes you awesome and hopefully you won’t feel like shit anymore” “Then you can cut it out already, there’s nothing you can say that can make me feel better” the girl hid her face between her knees, hugging her legs “And it would only be a waste of time, I haven’t done a single positive thing in years… I’m just tired, I wanna be alone”  

Lower the curtain down on Memphis Lower the curtain down, alright

“You’re so articulate and well-spoken it honestly puts to shame a lot of men who think you aren’t worthy of their time, and somebody should seriously tell ‘em it’s actually them who don’t deserve to waste your time” the guitarist cleared his throat, then resumed speaking without looking at her “The way your mind works… you can have a conversation about everything, there isn’t a single topic you can’t tackle – and yeah, I’m talking about science too: you may have been terrible at it in school, but outside? Whenever the newspaper had a story on the latest scientific discovery, you were always the first of us to know it” He heard her sniffle quietly and took her silence as a sign to keep on going.

I got no time for private consultation

“You’re always unapologetically yourself, for better or worse; you stand up for yourself and the ones you love, but also for people you don’t know at all – hell, you must be the bravest person I know” he heaved a sigh, his eyes never leaving the tile they had been staring at for the past five minutes “You’re a force to be reckoned with, truly you are… and I know you always carry some snacks in your backpack so you can feed stray cats – a shitty person doesn’t do that” At those words the girl raised her head immediately and looked at him with wide eyes: “How…?”

Under the Milky Way tonight

“Five years ago… every time a Queen song came on the radio, I used to think of you and what you might be doing in Florence: were you still attending gigs? Did you speak Italian with an American accent, just like you spoke English with an Italian accent? Did you still fly into a rage if anybody said that Hot Space was a shitty album?” he had ignored her previous question, but now finally found the courage to turn and look her in the eye “Did you still have that half dimple when you smiled all embarrassed? You know that kind of smile, the tight-lipped one”

Wish I knew what you were looking for

“Please, don’t look at me!” Sara immediately turned away, almost shrieking “I’m a monster: I have a runny nose and I’m sure my make-up is all smudged” The guitarist put his hands on her shoulders and made her face him again, then started to wipe her nose with some toilet paper. “... I look like a fucked-up panda, don’t I?” she muttered after a while, finally regaining her voice. “You just have a nose as cute as a button and as red as the one of a certain reindeer, the rest is just like it was before… oops, except for the eyes” “What? What is it?? They’re red, aren’t they?? Fuck, I’m not ready to say goodbye to my reputation as a badas-” “They’re shining, brat” he poked her nose with his index “Crying apparently suits you, but I’d appreciate it if in the future it’ll happen because you’re laughing too much” “Oh, shush” she pouted and shoved him, making him chuckle because avoiding her pushes was becoming increasingly harder but, most of all, because her half dimple had just appeared on the right corner of her mouth.  

Might have known what you would find

After a while Stone was finally able to stop her, taking her hands in his without looking away.  “Ever since I’ve known you, the ending of Chaplin’s City Lights has been able to move me, because before I didn’t understand it… I had never experienced what the Tramp goes through with the flower girl” he sighed and gave her a sad smile, slightly squeezing her hands “I don’t get tired of you the way I get tired of other people”

And it’s something quite peculiar Something shimmering and white

“Stone, what-what are you trying to tell me?” the girl looked quizzically at him but squeezed back his hands. “I don’t know,” he raised a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear “what do you think it is?” 

It leads you here, despite your destination

Neither of them could tell who had been the first one to move, but now Sara was straddling him and he was holding her face in his hands and they were kissing – heavily. She could still hear the song faintly playing in the background, but all she could focus on right now was how Stone had been looking at her, the feeling of his lips against her own and the way he was still holding her, like she was the most precious thing he had ever laid eyes on. She touched his cheek and felt it was smooth, almost boyish (not strong and stubbly as the one she would have liked to stroke), and the realization made her angry; she instinctively proceeded to run her fingers through his hair, eliciting a moan from him, and pictured a pair of hazel eyes behind her eyelids that turned immediately into green ones. She shut her eyes with all her might until all she could see were lazy stars, then dizzily abandoned herself to passion, as if she were living somebody else’s life. 

Under the Milky Way tonight

#eddie vedder #Jeff Ament #Pearl Jam #eddie vedder fanfiction #pearl jam fanfiction #grunge fanfiction #jeff ament fanfiction #Birds of a Feather #chapters

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 138 prt 2

“I don’t think I want to imagine that”

Mami would have rocked it. Keith imagined her sneaking her chocolates with a bottle of vodka giving the double finger to Sendak if she could have. Chocolates and her abundant supply of love were the only two things she zero self control over. Lance nodded, sucking down a breath, tone slightly dejected before levelling then growing wobbly

“Probably safer... but, yeah. I... the family gave me a lot of things that she’d left behind when we moved. I tried to go to the nursing home, you know, to thank them, but Coran made me stay in for observation. Luis cleaned her room out and took her things. He had the nerve to lose it at me for paying for her funeral...”

Lance started shaking again in his arms. Keith rubbing the top of his arm as if he was trying to warm him up

“Babe. Don’t go there. Luis isn’t your responsibility”

“I know, but without Mami... I won’t hear about them again”

That was true. Luis wouldn’t be rushing to call

“Pidge could change that. She can stalk down thin air and pull up all its credit card charges”

“I think Pidge would bite his ankles in real life if she knew. I wanted to... to be able to talk to them at the funeral, but Coran pulled enough magic to get me there as it was... and I wasn’t ready yet. She and Papi are together now. I wanted her buried in Garrison, but she’s in Platt. I’m talking too much”

Lance wasn’t talking too much. He’d held all this in as he waited for Keith to come home to him. He was glad Lance was telling him what he wanted in his own words instead of by letter

“You’re not. You miss your mum. From what you’ve said, you’ve made a lot of good memories”

“I suppose. I mean, I did. I know I’m very lucky I had all this time with her... really lucky considering all things. I wish I hadn’t broken my phone”

“Shouldn’t it back up?”

“I don’t know how it really works. It’s like one of your Blade phones but it’s pin locked instead of iris encoded. Laptop’s kind of the same. It’s a Coran special”

“We can ask him”

“I hope it’s backed up... I need to stop talking about this... I can’t... I’ve been so whiny. Even when I came back from Sendak, through to now, my mental health’s been shit and all I’ve done is worry everyone. Four months isn’t like long for a vampire but it is for a human”

“I literally think you’re entitled to let it out”

“I keep showing... I keep showing the wrong sides”

There were no wrong sides to Lance. Okay. Maybe 4 months wasn’t that long to a vampire but it was a fucking looooong arse four months. They’d barely had three weeksish before he was off to Rome... meaning... it was like 6 weeks he’d had quality time with Mami... and shy of a month since her passing.

Lance was allowed to have feelings. His feelings made him who he was. It wasn’t like Keith didn’t feel guttered over the loss of Mami too. He kind of wanted to just lock Lance away and cry until his head throbbed and the pain was gone

“Because I’m so much better?”

“You are. I haven’t asked you much about Europe. I haven’t asked if you’re okay. I haven’t asked how things went down. I haven’t asked about the court case or this thing about Lotor killing Zarkon. I... haven’t... even asked you... how anyone is...”

“Babe. I only got in last night. This is our first proper conversation. I want to know what you’re feeling and thinking”

“I don’t know what I’m thinking or feeling. Running seems so much easier. But... then there’s all the things I’m waiting to hear back about. Mami’s will. Her accounts. What to do with her things she’a got stored at home. If the nursing home got the flowers I sent as a thank you for all they did for her. If I chose the right clothes Mami. If I did the right thing. If it wasn’t her time to go and I did nothing...”

*

Lance kept telling himself to shut up. To stop talking about Mami. That Keith had been through so much away from him that he was probably more tired than he was letting on. He tried to shut up but he couldn’t not think about Mami. She’d adored Keith. She kept a photo of him on her nightstand. Well, it was him, Keith and an ultrasound photo between them.

When Keith started leading him away from the kitchen, Lance didn’t want to move. He had to have breakfast, have his shot, then have something actual to eat. Instead Keith tugged him along, pulling him down to sit in his lap on the sofa. That Keith had come back was a miracle. That he’d stayed... Lance couldn’t describe how much he’d needed to see Keith. Then he went and ruined things because he couldn’t stop thinking about his Mami...

“You’re overthinking”

Geez. No shit. He’d expected a joyous reunion with Keith. Mami teasing them. Not Keith coming home to this. He wanted to feel happy so badly, but Keith... Keith made it too easy. He’d feared last night they’d never talk again as they had. Now he’d word vomit... after too much actual vomit

“I think I’m... not being strong enough”

He’d cried as he confessed his sins to his Mami. How he’d killed Sendak. His Mami taking his hands and telling him that it wasn’t fair for him to be blaming himself. She went to church with him. Before God he’d prayed. He’d confessed everything, as if it’d offer some absolution for his sins. He did feel marginally better when he didn’t burst into flames. It was hard to accept that the world was safer by taking a life. Mami pointing out that Sendak was the worst of everything a vampire could be, though she got it. She got that he grieved not for the monster he’d killed but at the loss of Sendak ever changing his ways. Vampires didn’t really work that way, but she... she got it because she wasn’t a hunter. She could see that he was worse than Nyma and Rolo, but she could see that he felt worse about the actual ending of potential than killing the monster inside Sendak’s skin. She was a better therapist than Coran.

They’d headed to the beach that morning, after his nightmare. Blazing hot sun didn’t exactly lure vampires out for a spot of sun baking and spontaneous combustion between snacking on the necks of tourists. Setting up the umbrella, chairs and fetching drinks, they’d settled down and Mami had told him about his first time swimming there. Rachel carried him everywhere. Made him a “hat” out of seaweed. He’d screamed and screamed, until Mami took it off his head. The sun had felt amazing. He wasn’t too pregnant looking, so he enjoyed taking his shirt off, only to burn himself for his efforts. Mami had laughed at him as she rubbed aloe vera on his sunburn.

It’d been hard to hear about times when they’d been so happy together. Just kids doing kid things. But a lot of Mami’s stories he hadn’t heard before, and some stories he heard over and over yet didn’t mind in the slightest. She was so proud of her brood. Making all these future plans and laughing over how he and Keith were going to be clumsy parents, but that was okay because no one knew what they were doing at first.

“You’re strong. You’re so strong”

Keith kissed his cheek. Lance knew he was starved of physical affection. He knew because he’d been depriving himself of it. He felt like “King Douche” that his boyfriend came back to this. That he needed to stiffen his upper lip and carry on. He knew he’d been a total dick not contacting Pidge or Hunk, but to begin with it’d been for their safety. He hadn’t let them see him at VOLTRON, though knowing they were also grieving Mami’s loss. Asking for more space on top of so much space already granted to him seemed incredibly selfish. He loved Pidge and Hunk, but it was like with Sendak again, he was scared of losing himself in his grief and hurting them.

He’d never wished he was more human than in the aftermath of that shit with Sendak. Lance knew if it was his friends going through this he’d be telling them it was okay. To let go. To grieve for as long as they needed and that he’d be there the whole time for when they were ready. But that didn’t apply to him. He had... he had o carry himself a certain way... anxiety fed paranoia that if he wasn’t the perfect friend they’d never speak to him again. Keith... Keith just... all he had to do was breathe and Lance was falling more in love with him. He’s tried building his walls back up when he set his mind to Keith never coming for him, but all his walls were sandcastles, crumbling under Keith’s feet as he trampled over Lance’s attempts and wrapped him up in love. He... he’d been so awkward and embarrassed how easily he’d caved into Keith. Now Keith was taking the time to fix his broken bits. His boyfriend hated the tourist masses but that was Varadero’s main source of income.

Placing his hand on his belly, Lance settled his breathing back down slowly. Keith didn’t hate his belly. He’d felt their twins starting to move. Like little has bubbly gas bubbles. When he’d spotted blood coupled with weird stomach pain, he’d thought he was dying but his Mami explained to him about things stretching and moving to make space. Coran was worried about his body not being strong enough to make it to term. Despite brewing in a vampire filled with vampire blood, both their kids returned human DNA. Never did he want another long arse needle in there again. Their babies passed their genetics tests. They just had to put up with him and Keith now

“Babe?”

“It’s okay. You said you wanted to see Cuba?”

“Well I came all this way. I’ve never been here before and I’m already madly in love with my tour guide”

Lance groaned at his boyfriend. If Keith turned that charm on everyone he’d probably be an unstoppable conman of the highest degree. His ego loved the flattery. He and it had many an mental disagreement. Now Keith was fanning it back to life

“You’re a menace. I have to eat. I’ve... been going through the motions but I have to eat before we go out. And... we’ll drive. I’ll drive. I don’t have much to hide this bump”

“I don’t mind it. I think it’s cute”

“The world isn’t ready for a pregnant vampire and his lover. This is Cuba. I’ve got a jumper I use if I absolutely can’t avoid going out...”

“In this heat?”

“You get the boyfriend with a covered outside or you get the boyfriend inside with the bump showing. You can’t have both”

“I definitely want both. I love your stomach. You looked so good bouncing on my dick with that bump showing”

Lance choked on air. Keith was a damn horn dog!

“I’m going to punch you in the dick if you don’t start thinking things through. I’m going to put you in “Horny Hunter Jail” if you don’t settle down”

Keith shrugged

“I can live with that”

#once bitten twice stupid #oncebittentwicestupid #ashratherose

[moonshroooms]

So like, here’s a part-angst-part-fluff Ponytail!Dib AU oneshot here ya go! I kinda imagined this lil scenario to be after but not-too-long after these Sad Idiots confessed their Undying Love to each other (I’m totally positive that’s the exact scenario reyna’s gonna take her au, trust me on this I’m a doctor).

Now the beginning of this is definitely more angst and Sad but it do get cuter at the end I promise VwV But anyways, here! *throws this on the ground and runs away*

=

Dib laid out all the ingredients on the counter, double checking he had everything the recipe called for. Flour, eggs, sugar, check, check, check. Getting everything without alerting Zim what he was up to had been more than a challenge but somehow he’d managed to get past the sneaky bug. All that was left to do was wait for Zim to be busy long enough to enact his plan.

“Alright, it’s a shortcake, how hard could it be?” He pulled up the recipe on his phone, mumbling to himself. Somewhere in the back of his mind a voice taunted that he’d mess it up somehow. He mentally shoved it into a box and sealed the lid. It’s fine, he’d be fine. Just follow the instructions, he could do that.

With his best attempt at a determined nod Dib opened up the flour, pulling a large bowl out of the cupboard, giving a glance at the instructions.

“Mix strawberries with sugar and ffuh mhmm…” His sentence trailed off as his brain rewired itself to focus on the strawberries. “Alright, strawberries first, then.” He dumped the carton of berries in a little bowl of their own, scooping out a few spoonfuls of sugar and stirring. And put them in the fridge. Okay, step one done. See? Wasn’t so bad. A part of him felt kind of dump pep-talking himself, but he knew how much his self-deprecation bothered Zim, so he was trying to fight it. Most said step one was talking positively, even if you didn’t really believe it, so that’s what he was gonna do.

Dib pulled out the flour and measured it, pouring it in the mixing bowl once it was at the right level. Next was baking powder, baking soda, sugar, and heavy cream. Dib ran his eyes across the bottle of cream for not the first time. The store didn’t exactly have just “heavy cream.” “Heavy whipping cream,” it read. The names were pretty close and he was going to try and make whipped cream anyways. It was probably the same, right? He couldn’t find anything saying it was different (not that he found anything saying it was the same, either). Somewhere that voice trapped in the box whispered that he was already fucking up. He was probably fine. If it was the only one the store had it was probably the most common one anyways.

As he mixed the ingredients together Dib allowed his mind to wander. That cold winter in his car, being sick in his apartment, lunch after lunch of carefully crafted meals, all wrapped in hearts and flowers. He found himself thinking about those times a lot. A large part of him laughed, wondering how he was able to jump through so many hoops to explain why Zim would go through all that trouble, what nefarious plot they could possibly be apart of, when the answer was (quite literally) written in front of him. A larger part said he was stupid if he really thought this was real, that this wasn’t just some long con at his expense and the ball would drop soon enough.

It wasn’t surprising the lunches were on his mind now, anyways. It’s what spurred the baking adventure he was currently on. Zim tried so hard despite Dib’s bad attitude, his denial, even his blatant refusal to eat at times. He wanted to return the favor, at least a little bit.

Dib let out a sigh as the mixture was finally done, rolling his shoulder a bit. Somehow the mixing was surprisingly tiring. Sure, he could keep up with the plots of an alien invader with technology far more advanced than his own since he was 12, but mixing cake batter was the real test of strength. Repetitive motion, he supposed. He poured the mix into the baking pan and stuffed it in the oven. Oh, shit, he forgot to preheat it. Did anyone really even do that? Seemed like a waste of power, honestly. He set his phone timer for an extra 10 minutes than the recipe called for, hoping that’d make up for it.

Alright, all that was left to do was the whipped cream. He was breezing through this recipe! He could almost imagine the look on Zim’s face when he got back. Sure, Dib didn’t have fancy wrapping paper, and honestly, the cake would probably look like shit. But as long as it tasted fine that was the most important part, right?

Dib pulled a separate bowl from the upper cupboard, combined the whipped cream ingredients, and got to work on stirring. The recipe said to use a mixer but he didn’t exactly have one of those, so he was stuck using good ol’ elbow grease. He tried to make up for it by mixing faster but figured the speed wasn’t gonna be a huge factor in the outcome.

Or, so he thought, at least.

Five minutes of mixing later and the cream hadn’t taken on any kind of fluffy quality. Just the same white goop. It was supposed to get light and fluffy two minutes in. Did he forget something? He rechecked the recipe. Cream, sugar, vanilla, lemon zest. It was all in there. Was he just not going fast enough? Maybe the mixer was more crucial than he thought. He plopped himself on the ground and kicked his whisking up a notch. Another few minutes and the only significant change was that the goop was maybe a little thicker. That, and he definitely got a good portion of it all over his shirt. Great.

Alright, the recipe did stress the heavy cream needed to be chilled before mixing. Did he let it sit outside the fridge too long? He could leave it in the freezer for a bit, let the cold firm it up a little? He swallowed down the rising disgust at himself, he was such a fucking idiot, he didn’t even know how to fix his mistake. Yeah, that’d work. With a grunt he got to his feet-

SMACK.

“Shit, goddamn it!” Dib instantly recoiled, clutching at the back of his head where the open cupboard lovingly smacked into his skull. He slammed the door shut with bang, the loud sound satisfying his anger a little bit. Stomping over to the freezer he shoved aside the assortment of raw meats and frozen veggies (things Zim planned on cooking at some point), and stuffed the whipped cream in, slamming the door shut.

“It’s fine, you’re fine. Nothing’s ruined, it’ll be fine.” Wow you’re trying really hard to sell this, huh? Can’t even convince yourself to buy your own words without lying first.

Dib leaned against the kitchen counter, silently fuming at the throb on the back of his head. He could feel self-loathing spilling into his brain like a fog, seeping out from that mental lockbox he tried to shove it in. He shook his head and did his best to focus on the goal. Zim would be so happy Dib made him a present, he’d get to see that huge smile that had his heart squeezing funny, ruby eyes lighting up with appreciation. The idea soothed his mind a bit. He could get through a few hang-ups if he got to see that expression and…

Was something burning?

“Seriously?!” Dib yelled as he pushed away from the counter. He threw the oven open and grabbed the baking tin only to recoil back in pain as his hand came into contact with the hot metal. Dib cursed, shaking out his hand and grabbing the oven mitt staring him in the face. Sure, go ahead, just fucking break yourself while making your thank you gift. Nothing says “I appreciate you” like making him clean up your fucking mess.

The tin landed on the stove with a clatter as Dib quickly turned away to grab ice for his hand.

Only to be greeted with a freezer that had whipped cream spilled all over it. The half-empty mixing bowl clattered to the floor as the door swung open, a few splatters of not-quite-frozen whipped cream leaping to the floor as it did. No, it’s fine, it’s okay. They could always just buy whipped cream at the store. He was pretty sure Zim wasn’t allergic to normal whipped cream anyways. You can’t even put something in the fridge without fucking it up? Why are you even bothering?

Dib stuffed a few ice cubes into a plastic bag and clutched his fingers around it. With a grimace he turned off the phone timer that only decided to start ringing just now and looked over the cake. Honestly, it wasn’t even burned that much, they could just not eat the bottom. Geez, you’re really going for a record trying to screw up every stage of this project huh?

Was the cake… supposed to look like a biscuit? He tore off a piece and popped it in his mouth. Was it also supposed to taste bland as hell like a biscuit, too?

Despite the bag of ice pain stabbed through the skin of Dib’s hand anyways, only adding to the misery of his failed creation. Look, he couldn’t expect things to be perfect. It was his first time trying to bake something. Plenty of people probably messed things like this up. You couldn’t even make a damn cake. Honestly, why did you even bother trying? How many other things have you fucked up that were way easier than cooking and you couldn’t even do those right? What made you think you could get this right?

Dib slid to the floor, focusing on the quiet sting of his burned hand. He felt that urge to visit the nearby drugstore. He might’ve bought a bottle of something, too, were his wallet not thoroughly cleaned out from buying all the cake ingredients. Couldn’t get drunk if he wanted to.

And damn he wanted to right now.

Amber eyes glanced around the kitchen, taking in the few splatters of whipped cream on the floor, quickly melting into puddles now. He… could at least up the mess he made before Zim got back.

The frown on his face deepened.

Well, knowing you, you’ll probably find a way to fuck that up, too.

 =

 Zim slid the window to the apartment open, wasting no time scurrying in and ripping off his disguise. How Gir escaped view of his cameras long enough to floor half the base he’d never know. Computer wasn’t any help telling him what happened either. Zim suspected whatever started the whole “beach party” idea was both Gir and Computer’s idea.

Zim’s internal ranting didn’t have long to continue before his now-freed antenna picked up the scent of something burnt, as well as something sweet and almost… milky? Compound eyes were greeted with a less-than-clean kitchen, used and abandoned cooking utensils, and a few tiny puddles of something melted on the floor. Confusion buzzed around the Irken’s mind before worry crept up his throat when he realized he couldn’t see Dib in the small space around him.

Slow-creeping dread dropped like a rock in his gut as anxiety moved his limbs. “Dib?” Zim called, receiving no answer. As terrifying rooftop rescues were at least they were known. What was Zim supposed to do for this new situation? What was the protocol?

His panic didn’t last for long as he skidded past the kitchen and caught sight of his human’s familiar form. Relief quickly flooded over him and he ran to Dib’s side.

“Dib-beast, what happened, are you okay?”

Dib jumped a little, as if startled from sleep, and looked at Zim. “Oh, hey space boy, welcome back.”

Zim frowned. Dib had that… look in his eyes that he didn’t like. That faraway look he often had during drunken hazes, staring off into nothing like there was a storm brewing in his head with threats of nothing good.

The alien grabbed Dib’s face with both hands, turning him left and right to check for injuries, Dib scrunching his eyes as he did. Zim pursed his lips when he noticed the melting pack of ice in his human’s grip.

“Burned myself on the stove, no biggie.” Dib shrugged. Zim’s brow furrowed, giving Dib’s cheeks a squeeze before getting up to grab some first-aid things.

“So, were you going to tell me what happened here or do I have to check the cameras?” Zim plopped back down next to Dib, pulling the injured hand into his lap to treat it.

Dib snorted. “Ha, nice try, I already found ‘em all.”

“Mhm, yup, you certainly did. No use looking for more, they’re all gone.”

Zim couldn’t resist a grin at the glare and eyeroll he received. He didn’t know if Dib had actually found all his cameras yet, but no sense in letting the stinky know if there were actually more or not.

“Sorry about the mess,” Dib mumbled. “I was gonna clean it up before you got back. I got kinda...” A sigh. “Distracted.”

Zim finished wrapping up Dib’s injury with a band-aid and glanced around the kitchen once more. It seemed to have been some sort of… baking attempt, from what he could gather. But why wait until he was gone to do it?

“You are forgiven… only if you tell Zim was all this-” he gestured to the mess “-was about.”

Zim watched his human’s expression as he started back at him, seeming to debate whether he wanted to elaborate or not. Finally, he looked away with a sigh and Zim thought he saw the slightest hint of a blush on his cheeks.

“I was uh, trying to bake.” Zim could only just barely understand Dib through his purposeful mumbling. “A cake. For, uh, for you. To say thanks, you know. For all the food you’re always making me.” As he spoke his cheeks got redder and he started scratching at the back of his neck, a habit Zim noticed he usually did when he was nervous. “As you can see it didn’t really work out that well.” Dib gave a laugh but it felt so hollow to Zim’s antenna. The kind of laugh you did when you were trying to assure others you were fine but couldn’t really put any effort in it.

As the Irken glanced around he could spot all the different bowls, measuring spoons, and other utensils his Dib used. He… tried really hard, didn’t he? And now he was on the floor, looking like the entire world was crashing down and it was his own fault. Sad and warm feelings both swirled around Zim’s gut, a confusing swirl of emotion he wasn’t sure how to process.

Zim placed his hand on Dib’s leg and leaned up to press his lips to Dib’s, much to the human’s surprise. Zim felt Dib stiffen only slightly before relaxing in his hold, reciprocating the kiss. Zim’s antenna instinctively wrapped themselves around the untied scythe of hair atop Dib’s head. Hmm, it was getting long. They’d need to cut it again soon.

Zim pulled back from the kiss only slightly, resting his forehead against Dib’s as he brought up a hand to stroke Dib’s cheek. “Thank you, Dib-beast.”

Despite the slightly flustered look Dib managed to pull himself together enough to furrow his brows. “For what? The cake’s not even good. Trust me, I tried it. All I managed to make is a huge mess.”

One of Zim’s antenna bent down to lightly bop Dib’s cheek. “For trying so hard to make something special for me. For going out of your way to make it a surprise. For telling me you appreciated the things I did.” Zim leaned forward to nuzzle against Dib. “Thank you for all of that.”

Dib let out a sigh and Zim felt arms wrap around his waist and hoist him into Dib’s lap. His human easily nuzzled into his shoulder and Zim did the same, feeling long legs bending up and resting against his PAK. They fell into their embrace so easily, like they were supposed to fit together. Zim was sure he’d be perfectly happy just sitting like this with Dib for the rest of time.

The two stayed like that for a long while, Dib’s lanky arms wrapped around Zim in a tight vice, Zim content to breathe in Dib’s presence. Eventually they were interrupted by a low grumbling centered at Dib’s stomach. Zim let out a snicker at the very graceful noise, earning him a slightly embarrassed “shut up” from Dib. Zim gave a smell peck on the lips to placate his human and rose to his feet, offering Dib a hand to help hoist him up.

“What do you say we try and make a cake some other time?” Zim offered. “Now that I know I’m owed a gift, of course.”

Dib looked down with a rueful smile. “Not worried I’ll mess it up?” He said with a slight scoff.

Zim’s brows furrowed as he rose up on his PAK legs to be at eye-level with his human. “Not at all because I know how smart you are. Besides,” Zim said, running a finger along a glob of wet goop and popping it in his mouth. Hm, slightly sweet. “You know baking is like, level 20 cooking, right?”

“Hah?”

“Yeah.” Zim reached into the fridge, looking for some leftovers for Dib, his eye spotting the tub of strawberries soaking in sugar. Oh, those looked good, they could probably use those tomorrow. “If you’re going to try something new you’re supposed to start at level 1, stinky. Most cooking you can just kind of eyeball how much seasoning you want for things. But baking is very exact a lot of the time. You humans took cooking and decided to make it as finicky as chemistry for no good reason.” He pulled a tub of spaghetti from the fridge and popped it in the microwave.

“With both of us tackling it we’ll make a cake that rivals anything some dookie-brained ‘top chef’ could make.” Zim plopped himself on a clean section of counter, antenna sticking up as he boasted for the both of them.

Dib scoffed with a laugh and pulled the spaghetti out of the microwave once it was done. He pulled a fork from the sink of yet-to-be-put-away dishes and leaned against the counter next to Zim. “If you say so, space boy.”

Zim’s antenna quickly accosted Dib’s hair as he neared, tangling and wrapping themselves into place, vibrating with a happiness that said they were exactly where they belonged. “I know so,” he replied matter-of-factly.

=

The two made the shortcake later that week, despite Dib’s quiet protests. Zim even stole obtained an electric mixer just for the whipped cream. Dib complained that Zim was making him do all the work (Zim’s repeated answer to that was “it’s a present for me, why should I have to do the work?”) Once it was all done though Dib had to admit, it didn’t look bad. Granted, it didn’t exactly look magazine-worthy, but it was presentable. Better yet, it actually tasted pretty damn good. Good enough that he had to fight Zim over the last piece.

For once, that voice inside his mental lockbox had nothing to say.

=

How in-character is this oneshot actually? It’s a mystery, who knows, certainly not me. It’s been sent out into the world how in character they are is no longer my problem that’s a y’all kinda issue now 💅🏽

Go! Take! A gander! At! @reynaruina ‘s Ponytail Dib! AU! If! You Like! To Cry! (Though things have been looking up in those little blurbs and comics reyna’s making so hopefully there will be less crying soon 🎉)

Fun fact: a huge chunk of Dib’s failure to make a strawberry shortcake from scratch was based on my own failed attempt. I still don’t know if there’s a difference between heavy cream and heavy whipping cream or if an electric mixer mattered. No, stuffing the whipped cream into the freezer didn’t help make it fluffy either. RIP my shortcake 2019-2019 🤘🏽😔

Double fun fact: Did you know apparently classic strawberry shortcakes are actually gross disgusting lumpy buscuit-ass lookin’ mutherfuckers and not fluffy sweet cake things? Whoever the hell thought purposefully bland cake was what strawberry shortcakes needed to be should be forced to step on legos forever. They also owe me 20 bucks cuz I thought I was making the sweet fluffy kind of cake and instead of forced to eat a flavorless biscuit with strawberries on it. EVIL.

#ZADR #Ponytail Dib AU #fanfic #fanfiction #my stuff #y'know I tried to make this thing mostly fluff and my garbage hands added a heaping ton of angst for no reason #had to stop and look at them like 'why does everything u touch DIE' #I think I saved it at the end tho XD #go give reynaruina some love she deserves it VwV

[justsimplypretty]

goodnight -n- go (n.m.)

Storyline: Lena joins Nick on a winter family vacation while attempting to keep a good image... even after a heated night.

Author’s Note: My submission for chan’s 700 followers writing challenge using line #19! This took me forever to find the time between school and life to write and though it still didn’t turn the way I intended, I’m growing to love it. Enjoy everyone! @temperaryheart​

Warning: smut

Word count: 2.1k

Lena tossed and turned attempting to find any level of comfortable on this cold winter night. The freezing air still nipping at her toes as she struggled to bundle up in the enormous pile of knit blankets sprawled across the bed. The fire place had done her zero good being all too modern and puzzling, making it impossible to turn on. 

It was Nick’s yearly winter family vacation to their lodge cabin in Colorado that viewed just across the frozen over lake. Lena had been dating Nick for a little over a year now, making her officially invited to join the Nick’s family and bandmates on this adventure. And what an adventure it had been. Since Lena was a guest on this trip, she’d decided it would be best if her and Nick stayed in separate rooms for the duration of the vacation. Considering this was her first major impression on the extended family, she strived to make it a good one, being as endearing and charming with any chance she got. Which wasn’t too hard considering that was her typical personality. All the love-able qualities that made Nick fall wildly hard in the first place.

But the sleeping arrangement may have been tougher than she had originally anticipated. Lena and Nick typically spent every single night together wether it be at his place or hers. So the past two nights not having Nick by her side had definitely become an unbearable struggle.

Lena’s thoughts were cut short at the sound of a faint knock. Curious as to who it could be at the late hour, she wrapped one of the larger throws across her shivering body and hurried to the door. Her fingers numbed at the feeling of the frigid metal knob turning in her hand. Eyes in complete shock to find her sneaky boyfriend standing on the other side.

“You have got to be kidding me... have you lost your mind?” Lena quietly shouted as she yanked Nick’s body inside, quickly closing the door behind the two before anyone could catch them. “Are you lost or just intentionally trying to ruin my life?” Lena snapped sarcastically at an attitude filled Nick. His eyes rolling heavily in annoyance at his girlfriends words, having been told a million times this trip of the strict rules she’d made to be followed.

“Relax, I just need to grab the jacket I packed in your suitcase for snowboarding with Brandon and Austin tomo-” Nick assured before the chill of the room bit at his skin, cutting him off mid sentence. “Lena what the hell? It’s freezing in here!” he questioned as he wondered about room.

Lena sighed heavily as she pointed towards the source of all her problems, causing Nick to giggle and head over to tackle the fire place. His fingers began fumbling with the many different buttons as they toggled through settings on the side that Lena had spent hours trying to accomplish on her own. 

She caught herself biting gently on her bottom lip as she watched her boyfriend zero in on the situation. Something about the determination on Nick’s face to solve her dilemma surprisingly caused Lena to become flustered on this late winter night.

“You’re all set baby” Nick announced as flames rose to the tops of the brick trimming. The fire illuminated the dim room, inviting her to see all of Nick’s angelic features that she treasured so deeply. His hair a few shades darker from the dampness still clinging on after showering with the tones of his arms practically begging her to be wrapped in them. She’d be lying to say she wasn’t the slightest bit turned on by his presence. And between the sleeping arrangements and Nick’s prior family obligations, Lena felt as though she’d barely seen her boyfriend this entire vacation. It was rare they ever had a second alone.

It didn’t take long for Nick to catch on either. He knew his girlfriend better than anyone else. The way her legs crossed one in front of the other and how rushed she was to have him exit the room indicated all too well to Nick of her need for him. He even noticed the tiny infinite number of goosebumps that trickled down her arms.

“Cold angel?” Nick spoke as he let his fingers softly graze her shoulder, exposed ever so slightly from matching pajama top. He knew exactly what he was doing from the start. His plan all vacation long. He knew with just enough effort, he’d be able to have Lena right where he needed her.

Lena wanted his touch to linger, but still tried to fight it for awhile longer. “I-I’m fine.. I’ll be fine now that it’s fixed so you can um... head back now” Lena mumbled as she cursed herself mentally for the stutters that she knew would clearly indicate her need for more of him.

“You really want me to leave baby? Be honest now” Nick continued as he stepped behind her, now letting his hands run up either sides of her hips. Thin black sleep pants being the only thing keeping her from experiencing the warm touch she’d been missing so much this trip. Lena nodded her head up and down in reply to the boyfriend that knew she was close to giving in.

“Hmm... is that so...” Nick questioned as he let one hand slip Lena’s front and fall beneath the thin lace material, brushing past her soaked folds “...because it sure doesn’t feel like you want me to leave angel” he continued. He slowly slid two fingers inside of Lena as he watched her back arch against him. “So wet for me... just how I like it” Nick confirmed grinning at her mess. His fingers were soft and warm. Easily the most warm thing she’d felt in days. 

“But I can stop and go back to my room... if that’s what you really want” he went on as he removed himself from filling Lena. 

“N-no, please don’t stop baby” she confessed. “W-we really just can’t get caught though okay?” Lena trailed through muffled whimpers due to the immense pleasure she was feeling.

“Guess we better keep you quit then babygirl” Nick whispered as Lena felt chills roll down her spine.

••••

Lena wasn’t sure how or when things grew so intense, but it wasn’t long before Nick’s tongue was working wonders on her most sensitive area. He was nothing shy of amazing when it came to making her feel good. The way he moved quickly but still lovingly enough to make sure he devoured all the mess he’d caused. Something Lena knew she could never grow tired of. 

Glancing down to see his hooded eyes staring right into hers caused more of the sweet moans Nick treasured to slip from Lena’s lips, now incredibly more plump from the many bites she’d made to her bottom one. All failed attempts in keeping herself silent.

“Sh sh sh... remember baby no getting caught?” Nick reminded as he placed one hand over her mouth, allowing the other to make swift circles at the desperate bundle of nerves. He could always tell when Lena was close from the way her toes curled and eyes shut as she wondered into a complete spell.

“There you go baby, wanna cum for me?” Nick coaxed as he aimed to keep Lena’s body movements under control. She couldn’t have nodded any faster, realizing how badly she needed release only after feeling her boyfriends words vibrate against her. “Go ahead mamas let me have it” he replied as Lena let go for the first time that night. Nick was always delighted in how could he could make his girl feel. Sometimes believing he took more pleasure out of it than she did. Nick went on to strip himself of any remaining clothing, throwing it in the pile of Lena’s next to him. 

“I want you to ride me until you cum... can you do that for me baby?” he whispered sternly in her ear. This was always Lena’s most dominant position. It was rare that she ever took control in the bedroom. Her life was full of consistent decision making and being the most put together in any sea of people. So she greatly enjoyed having Nick take charge over her. But every so often, he indulged in seeing Lena get herself off using him.

Within an instant Lena was straddled on his lap, doing her best to slowly take every inch of him. His length took her by surprise each and every time, but the feeling was always intoxicating. No matter how long the two had been a couple, the love making was just as passionate and intense as their first time together. Their bodies always proving to be utterly made for one another.

Lena’s pace steadily increased as she adjusted to the fulfillment Nick was giving. Her head now arching back allowing Nick perfect access to leave markings all along her neck.

“You’re doing so good for me baby... fuck you always feel so good” Nick mumbled into her skin. Lena was doing everything possible to control the sounds that constantly wanted to break free, only allowing slight whimpers to part from her lips. She couldn’t contain the pleasure any longer as she let her high take over. It was everything she didn’t know she needed this trip.

Nick hardly allowed anytime for Lena to recover before his hips were bucking upward into her, knowing his girlfriends legs were too weak to take the lead any longer. The sensitivity hitting Lena so strongly that she couldn’t help but scream his name out so clearly.

“I c-can’t Nick I can’t keep quit anymore” Lena confessed as another extreme plea of his name escaped. The sound so melodic to Nick that he no longer wanted to keep her cry’s contained.

“I know mamas it’s okay...I know you’re feeling good huh? Does this dick make you feel good?” Nick encouraged as his speed grew. It was clear neither of them cared any longer about who heard or caught them in the act. The only thing that mattered was the sensation they both endured from one another.

“Y-yes daddy FUCK IT’S SO GOOD” Lena screamed before releasing on Nick for the third time that night. Hearing the name echo in the room was enough to bring Nick to his high at the same time, holding Lena in his arms for awhile after. So caught up in the moment, Lena had forgotten all about the fire place that had now warmed the room to comfort. She starred adoringly up at Nick as she lay serenely on his chest.

“I love you... you know that?” she affirmed as Nick gazed into her eyes.

“I love you more baby... so much more” he replied with every being in his body. Lena was everything to him. The way she dropped everything to be on this trip while putting up with weather conditions he knew she despised meant the world to Nick. And he truly knew in that moment that the future he saw with Lena... started with forever.

•••••

The next morning seemed to fly by quickly as the earlier festivities ended and packing for departure began. Nick and Lena made it a point to pack everyone’s bags tightly into the cars as Zion joined them outside.

“Need some help with that daddy?” he joked to Nick letting laughter consume him. 

“Wait don’t tell me you hea-...” Lena trailed, instantly becoming paranoid at who else might have heard the events that transpired between the two last night.

“Trust me, you’re just lucky Edwin and I switched rooms with Nick’s aunt yesterday for the extra space or the whole cabin would know by now about your little late night visit” Zion confirmed as he walked back into the house. Nick and Lena starred at each other in panic before busting out in laughter themselves.

“Hey, at least it was just Zion” Nick implied as Lena playfully shoved his arm. She wasn’t irritated in the slightest as originally predicted by her. She had gotten the best of both worlds, keeping her saint image to the family while also finally having a romantic night with Nick. There was little to complain about after experiencing more joy than she ever knew this trip could bring.

#prettymuch #prettymuch smut #nick mara smut #prettymuch imagines

[tarontherocketman]

Mr Madden | Madderton Teacher AU | Chapter 3

TW: MENTION OF SUICIDE NEAR THE END OF THE CHAPTER

It was Friday at last, the week was almost over, and the day started off the same as every other day this week did: 

“Mr Madden.”

“Mr Egerton.” The pair smirked at each other as Taron slipped through the partly open door of Rich’s classroom with a mug of coffee in each hand, setting one down on Rich’s desk on the mug coaster that he had brought in from home; a black round coaster with a big golden ‘R’ for Richard. Taron liked that Rich had brought in his own coaster to use, it was one of the many personal touches in his classroom, something Taron had never thought to do in his own.

“I love all your little bits of personal stuff around your desk,” he observed, looking around as he pulled up a chair, leaning over to see the computer screen and resting his chin on Rich’s shoulder. This was something that had become a daily happening out of the blue the morning after their drink at the bar. Neither of them really knew what it meant at this point, their friendship just escalated into a new comfort zone all of a sudden. However, they silently agreed not to overthink it yet, they were both just enjoying having a new best friend. 

“You should get some bits for your classroom, you don’t have anything personal in there,” Rich suggested.

“I know, never really thought about it, it’s just a workplace to me.”

“That’s the thing though, we spend so much of our time at work I like making it homely you know?” Rich pondered, looking around at his things trying to think of ideas for Taron’s classroom.

“You’re right Rich, well hey it’s the weekend tomorrow let's go shopping you can help me choose some stuff for my classroom!” Taron declared, to which Rich immediately nodded enthusiastically.

“You are so on! I love doing things like that,” Rich gushed. Taron raised an eyebrow, pulling his chin away from Rich’s shoulder to look at him.

“What? Shopping for homeware and office supplies? Jeez this is why you,” he put his index finger on Rich’s chest, “are older than me,” he teased, scampering up from his chair to run to the other side of the classroom before Rich could attempt to playfully whack him in the arm.

“Three years! Only three years!” Rich pouted, trying not to break into a smile.

“I was only two months away from being a 90s kid you know,” Taron declared proudly, straightening his tie with fake arrogance.

“So close, yet so far, you’re still an 80s kid pal,” Rich laughed, patting Taron’s seat to indicate him to come back. Taron scurried back and barely managed to sit down before Rich got that playful whack on Taron’s arm.

“THAT was for calling me old!” he huffed.

“Ow, calm down Grandpa!” Taron snickered.

“You little shit!” Rich cried before the pair burst into laughter, Taron habitually gripping on to Rich’s forearm as they laughed.

At this moment a tall, sour-faced looking woman walked past the door to the classroom, her hair tied in a neat bun and a school logo lanyard and staff badge round her neck. She peered through the window in the door, narrowing her eyes at the over friendly pair of male teachers. Rich noticed her in his peripheral vision and jerked away from Taron, mumbling a quiet ‘shit’.

“Rich? What’s wrong?” Taron asked, whipping his head around to see what Rich was looking at. “What was it?”

“Uh, Mrs Reynolds just saw us through the window…” Rich mumbled.

“It’s alright she won’t make a fuss of it, we weren’t doing anything, just a bit of fun. Right?” Taron asked nervously, reading Rich’s worried facial expression.

“T, she’s one of the Religious Studies teacher, her classroom his two doors down from here. I know RS teachers and religious people in general don’t all share the same opinion, but I’ve sat in the staff room with her and I happen know exactly what her thoughts on homosexuals are.”

“Ah,” Taron whispered, nodding slowly.

“Yep,” Rich said bluntly.

“Well, she doesn’t know either of us are gay, AND we weren’t even doing anything wrong, so she’s got nothing on us!” Taron assured his best friend, putting his hand on Rich’s leg who pushed his hand off harshly.

“Maybe not yet but she’ll be watching us now! I thought this was exactly what you didn’t want to happen here?” Rich snapped, making Taron flinch slightly from seeing a new emotion in Rich that he hadn’t yet been introduced to.

“I didn’t!” Taron defended, “but- but I suppose it feels different since I met you!”

“Well I’ve only been here a week Taron, and I really don’t want to fuck up another job thank you very much,” Rich hissed, turning back to his computer screen abruptly. 

“Another?” Taron asked quickly, now distracted from the original argument.

“Just…pretend I never said that,” Rich murmured, “I need to finish this presentation.” Taron opened and closed his mouth a few times, deciding whether or not to say anything that could potentially make things worse considering he had obviously just hit a nerve. He decided on just leaving it and walking out the classroom quietly. Rich stubbornly kept his gaze fixated on the computer until Taron had left the classroom, making sure he had definitely gone before putting his head in his hands and groaning to himself.

__________________________________________________

The day eventually drew to an end, consisting of some awkward glancing and looking away happening between Taron and Rich when they would inevitably pass each other in the hallway. They had both spent break times in their own classrooms to avoid conversation, not even 100% why they were mad at each other but sticking to it anyway.

“Alright guys I’ll see you next week,” Taron concluded, indicating to his class that they were free to go, which definitely made everyone very happy knowing that they were free for 2 whole days.

“Sir?” a small voice appeared behind Taron.

“Yes, Ella?” he asked, not turning around from his computer.

“You didn’t say have a good weekend, you always say have a good weekend, what’s wrong?” Ella quizzed, surprising Taron with her intuitiveness.

“Someone’s observant,” Taron mused as he swivelled his chair around to face the blonde-haired teenager. Ella just shrugged casually.

“I pick up on these things,” she smiled, her energy rubbing off on Taron, softening him a bit after a rough day. “What’s on your mind?”

“Oh, it’s nothing, just an argument with a friend,” Taron chuckled, almost laughing at his own stupidity in the whole situation, forgetting more and more as the day went on why he was even being so stubborn about talking to Rich.

“Mr Madden?” Ella asked nonchalantly. Taron blinked slowly.

“How’d you…?”

“I told you I pick up on things! I don’t have any friends so I have more time to watch what goes on around me,” Ella admitted, not sure whether to feel proud of her observation skills or embarrassed that she just flat out casually told her Drama teacher that she doesn’t have any friends.

“Hmm you’re even smarter than I thought you were,” Taron grinned, “but yes, Mr Madden.”

“Well, I dunno what you had an argument about but just talk to him about it, you’re gonna have to eventually, no point avoiding it for longer than needed,” Ella said, folding her arms, “trust me, I’ve been there,” she said sadly.

“Yeah, you’re right Ella, thanks.”

“I know,” she shrugged. “Anyway, I need to get the bus before it leaves, see you next week Sir.”

“Alright have a good weekend Ella,” Taron called as she began to speed walk out of the classroom.

“You too!” she called back as she disappeared down the tiny hall and out of the drama block door. Taron sat at his desk in bemusement that a 14 year old had given him better advice than he had given himself, deciding to hurriedly gather all of his stuff together and stride over to Rich’s classroom to talk to him, feeling a little nervous after an entire day of avoiding him. He approached the classroom gingerly, psyching himself up as he walked the hallway before taking a breath and swinging open the door.

“Rich I’m really sorry,” he whimpered, cringing at his own failure to maintain his composure.

“I- Taron!” Rich hissed quietly, nodding to the wide open doorway that Taron was stood in.

“Oh yeah, sorry,” Taron apologised quickly, hopping in the room and letting the door close behind him before starting again.

“I’m sorry I didn’t take things seriously earlier Rich, or, you know- just now,” he chuckled awkwardly.

“No I’m sorry, T, I really overreacted,” Rich said as he softened up.

“No you were right, we need to be more careful, which is why you’re going to come to my house later so we can spend quality time together without prying eyes!” Taron declared confidently.

“Am I now?” Rich asked with a smirk.

“Yep, 7pm, I’ll message you my address,” Taron stated.

“Sounds good to me,” Rich smiled as Taron turned on his heel and walked out of the classroom as confidently as he had walked in, not disappearing for even 10 seconds before poking his head back round through the still open door.

“Oh yeah and we’re going to order pizza, forgot that part of my speech,” Taron confessed, ruining the grand exit he had initially planned.

“Speech?” Rich laughed, “alright Obama. I’ll see you later,” he shook his head fondly at his best friend’s solid attempt at being charming.

_____________________________________________________

Taron jumped up from the sofa excitedly upon hearing the knock on his apartment door, smoothing out his t-shirt even though it wasn’t actually creased and attempting to check his own breath by breathing into his hand and smelling it, realising it didn’t work and settling on just opening the door without fussing around any further.

“Hey Ri- oh,” he laughed nervously as the open door revealed his neighbour from across the hall.

“Hey Taron, uh, the delivery guy gave me your package to look after when you weren’t in earlier.”

“Ah lovely, thanks Jerry,” he took the package, closing the door with one last polite smile to his neighbour.

Typical, he thought to himself, that would only happen to him. Another knock on the door caused him to discard the package on the dining table before he could start opening it. He pulled the door open carefully, not wanting to get too excited this time.

“Oh good it’s you this time,” he smiled, opening the door fully to let his best friend in.

“You what?” Rich queried, looking puzzled at Taron having no previous context for why Taron would say that. 

“Never mind, come in!” he gestured to the sofa that wasn’t too far from the door, heading to the kitchen that was a part of the open plan floor.

“Can I get you a drink?” he offered politely, opening the cupboard to grab two glasses in advance. 

“Sure, what have you got?” Rich asked.

“Well good sir it depends whether you’re in the mood for something sophisticated like a scotch,” he began pompously, “or just…a glass of lemonade,” he finished casually.

“Taron,” Rich paused, “I’m Scottish, what do you think the answer is?”

“One scotch coming up,” Taron said assuredly as he poured the drink, Richard replied with a single, proud nod.

“Here,” Taron said, placing the drinks on the coffee table in front of them.

“Thanks,” Rich replied as he leaned over to grab the drink and take a sip. Taron slumped down next to him on the sofa and sighed a long sigh of relief that the week was over.

“Yeah, I’m glad it’s the weekend too,” Rich agreed, feeling Taron’s sigh as if it was his own.

“Yeah, been quite a week,” Taron noted.

“It has indeed.”

“How was your first week as a teacher then?” Taron asked.

“Better than I expected, I was worried that the students would all find my classes boring and I wouldn’t make any friends. Turns out they like me, they like my teaching, and I did make friends. In fact I made a best friend,” Rich said as he looked into Taron’s kind eyes.

“Aww, Rich! Well that’s good to hear.”

“How was your week?” Rich asked in return.

“Eh,” Taron shrugged, “just another week, nothing special happened really,” Taron pondered, looking forward because he knew if he made eye contact with Rich he would start laughing.

“Oi!” Rich laughed, folding his arms and looking away in a fake huff.

“Joking!” Taron chirped, turning back around and wrapping both arms round Rich, reaching around his shoulders. Rich reciprocated by placing his hands on Taron’s arms. Taron rested his head on Rich’s shoulder, who rested his head against Taron’s head, deciding this was how they would stay now for a bit. Rich habitually rubbed his right thumb on the bit of Taron’s arm that his right hand was placed on.

“Did you want to talk about earlier?” Taron asked cautiously.

“What? The argument, or why I fucked up my last job?” Rich mused.

“I was going to let you decide that.”

“Honestly I don’t really want to talk about either right now, let’s just enjoy the moment. I’ll tell you about the job another time though because I can tell you’re curious.”

“Yeah I am a bit,” Taron admitted, “wait, did you just call this a moment? Are we having a moment?” he teased.

“Mm maybe,” Rich breathed, lifting his head to look at Taron, who looked straight back into Rich’s bright blue eyes, scooting closer to him. Both of their breathing quickened in anticipation as Taron pulled his arms away and placed his hands on either side of Rich’s face, rubbing his thumbs over his cheek bones before pulling him in. He could smell the scotch on Rich’s breath as their lips brushed against each other for a moment before Rich got impatient and reached around the back of Taron’s neck, pulling him in so their lips meet properly. Taron moved his hands to wrap around Rich’s torso, working them up and down his back. The sunset made the last bit of sun for the day shine perfectly through the crack in the curtains, hitting them both perfectly as they shared this moment for a while longer.

“Wow,” Taron breathed heavily as he pulled away gently.

“Yeah,” Rich breathe-laughed. “I only met you a week ago,” he teased, imitating what Taron had said at the bar at the start of the week.

“And what an amazing week it’s been,” Taron imitated back, copying Rich’s response.

“Indeed it has! You hungry?”

“Oh god yes, pizza?” Taron said excitedly.

“Fuck yes.”

________________________________________________________

The weekend had passed by in what felt like an hour, and there they were again. Monday morning, the worst day of the week because everyone in the school- teachers and students alike- know it’s only the beginning of a potentially long, hard week. The day started the same as any other, which always consisted of:

“Mr Madden.”

“Mr Egerton.”

Followed by a coffee and catch up, except today it was in Taron’s classroom to admire the new bits and bobs Rich had helped him choose out on the weekend. There was a black mug coaster with a golden T on the desk to match Rich’s, one of those light-boxes that you can organise the letters on to write a message, which Rich had spelled out “Mr Egerton” on, there was a new 2020 desk calendar that Rich had convinced Taron to get done at a personalised calendar shop in the mall with one of his favourite plays on each month, a notebook with the letter ’T’ on the front, and a matching ’T’ pen pot too.

Rich journeyed to his classroom a few minutes before the bell was due to ring, at which point students began to file into Taron’s classroom, he wrote the date and learning objective on the board as the class took their time to settle, before sitting at his desk to call out the register, going name by name with a ‘here sir’ mumbled in reply after each name by the relevant student.

“Ella,” he called, getting no response. The entire atmosphere in the room changed, bringing a grossly enhanced meaning to ‘elephant in the room’.

“What?” Taron quizzed, looking around and his class, getting nothing back. 

“Guys?” he asked, starting to get antsy, “anyone?” 

“Didn’t you hear?” one of the girls in his class spoke up.

“Hear what?” Taron began to panic, thinking about how he was the first in the staff room when he got him and Rich’s coffee so he hadn’t actually seen any other teachers yet. No one in the class dared to speak a word, all looking down uncomfortably at their desks.

“Taron!” Rich burst in the room and exclaimed, but then coughing awkwardly and correcting himself to “Mr Egerton.”

“Um, Rich what’s going on?” Taron whispered so the students wouldn’t hear him, failing miserably considering you could hear a pin drop in the room at that moment, he ushered Rich out of the classroom and pulled the door shut behind them.

“I’m sorry I only just found out when I put the mugs back in the staff room just now I came straight back,” Rich said, out of breath from jogging back to Taron’s classroom, trying to make it before class started.

“What is it?!” Taron persisted, urging Rich to hurry up and spit it out.

“Ella overdosed last night.”

Taron’s eyes went wide, tears beginning to form that he tried to desperately blink away.

“-what?” he squeaked, his voice barely making a sound.

“She’s alive,” Rich assured, placing his hands on Taron’s shoulders.

“Is she going to be okay?” Taron whispered.

“I- I don’t know, T, we can only hope for now, I’m sorry,” he admitted, pulling Taron into a tight hug, letting the now silently sobbing man bury his face into his chest.

“I should have done more,” he mumbled into Rich’s shirt.

“Don’t say that-”

“No,” Taron cut Rich off, “this is the part of being a teacher I never wanted to experience, she trusted me and I didn’t do enough to protect her I should have looked more into it and talked to the head teacher or her parents or, I don’t know,” he rambled, “I spoke to her on Friday at the end of class and she could tell I was upset about our argument and cheered me up but I didn’t bother asking how she had been doing and-”

“T, you’re her teacher not her Dad, she’s not your responsibility,” Rich persuaded.

“She is when she’s at school Rich! Part of being a teacher is keeping them safe and I failed.”

“I know, I know,” Richard soothed “but she did this outside of school, at home, not at school, you can’t blame yourself for this, please stop blaming yourself,” Rich rubbed Taron’s back, trying to calm him down knowing that he has to go back in that classroom and teach sooner or later. He pulled away from Taron, drying his damp cheeks with his sleeves. “Look, go clean yourself up, I’ll watch your class for a minute I’ve got a free period ok?”

“Thanks, Rich,” Taron smiled weakly, patting Rich on the shoulder and walking off to the bathroom to clean up. Staring at himself in the mirror thinking about how after such a lovely weekend, this is how Monday morning starts. He knew for certain that it was going to be a long week ahead.

__________________________________________________

Ahhhh hi! I was SO nervous to post this but here it is, I decided I’d try out a few things in this chapter to see how you guys react to it which is why it’s quite long, just to make sure my writing is going in the right direction you know? Anyway if it’s more cute Madderton moments you’re waiting for I can tell you now that’s coming in the next chapter; now that I’ve done my drama/romance/angst experiment heh, so yeah I really hope you lot like it <3

Tag list: @taron-eggmcmuffin @coffeetalkbaby @nataschalenasblog 

#taron egerton #richard madden #madderton #teacher au #teacher fanfiction #taron x richard #richard x taron #taron egerton x richard madden #richard madden x taron egerton #madderton teacher #madderton fanfiction #madderton fic #taron egerton fanfiction #richard madden fanfiction #madderton angst #madderton drama #fanfiction drama #angst #angst fic #mr madden

[an-ambivalent]

Oath Of Desires: Six

Synopsis: [Yandere! Jungkook x Reader x Taehyung] [Poly AU]

It had only been them three for a long time. Not one person more, not one person less – just Jungkook, Taehyung and [Name].

Jungkook was elated when Taehyung and [Name] told him that they had become a couple. He literally could not have been happier.

They were his favourite couple, and he loved them both…. A little too much.

When there was a hindrance in Taehyung and [Name]’s relationship which caused them to fall apart, Jungkook was distraught. Afterwards, when he realized the depths of his love for his ‘friends,’ Jungkook made an oath of his dark desires – he was going to do whatever it took to get them back together. And this time, he was also going to become part of their relationship.

Warning: As this story contains yandere themes, the characters display behaviors that can be triggering or uncomfortable to read. Read at your own risk. This work is purely fiction. I do not believe any of the mentioned members would display any sort of this behaviour irl.

                                                ___________

“Love is an obsession; it has that quality to it. There are healthy obsessions, [but] mine is [not] one of them.” -Pamela Stephenson

                                               ___________

“I kissed [Name],” Jungkook interjected, as Taehyung leaned on the couch with his upper body hunched forward. Since the effects of the sleeping pills still lingered, Taehyung’s body was limpy;  and although he was conscious for the most part, a part of his conscious was still in its slumber. After Jungkook’s bold exclamation, silence surrounded them — an uncomfortable silence that was full of unpredictable catastrophic possibilities. Jungkook was merely standing there, blinking owlishly with his large eyes, and his arms hung loosely by his sides, waiting for a response from Taehyung. And due to his groggy state of mind, Taehyung merely stood as he was, not being able to digest Jungkook’s words for a  brief moment. “You what?” He asked, and as if he could sense the dread of impending doom one felt before there would be anger, he felt his heart drop to his stomach. Meanwhile for Jungkook, it was like thinking of those words, and saying them out loud again was a sort of revelation he had been waiting to hear his entire life; the pupil of his irises widened slightly as he started intently at Taehyung, and repeated himself. “I kissed [Name].” Just with hearing those three words once again, whatever blissful reality Taehyung had been living in, in which he got away with only caring about his own selfish desires ruled by his insecurities, was shattered. The bliss was now starting to vanish in thin air, leaving nothing, but the suffocating dust of ashes behind. Suddenly, fury seeped into Taehyung, and red clouded his vision. He disregarded his current weak state, and lunged towards Jungkook. Out of everything, Jungkook had not expected Taehyung to become physical with him. As a result, he simply took whatever hurt Taehyung inflicted on him. Taehyung shoved Jungkook angrily, as he began his rant. “You fucking piece of trash, you— you kissed [Name]?! How dare you?! I fucking— this was your plan all along wasn’t it?! You planned to steal her from me since the very beginning, didn’t you? That’s why you clung so pathetically to her all the time. I knew it, I fucking knew you were after her all this time. Your promises of being my best friend and endless loyalty were nothing but bullshit, weren’t they? I should’ve known you were going to turn out to be a bastard and thirst over my girlfriend with how creepily obsessed you were about her all the time,” Taehyung spat, as he clutched the collar of Jungkook’s shirt tightly, and shook him. Due to Jungkook’s build being bigger, heavier and stronger than his, and his current weak state, Taehyung’s attempt of violence did not have much effect on Jungkook. Not to mention, Jungkook’s hair was over casting his eyes, and shadowing his expression, so Taehyung was unable to his reaction. For now, Jungkook merely allowed Taehyung to vent. “Everything was perfect when it was just [Name] and I, before you came and ruined everything. I never doubted, even once, never doubted her love for me before you-- before you came along and took her from me. It was you, it was because of you I became so messed up, your fucking creepy obsession that made me hurt her. You changed her and it was because of you she stopped caring only about me. Why couldn’t you have just gone and died somewhere instead of coming in our lives and messing everything up—“ Taehyung hissed, however, he abruptly stopped talking when he saw that Jungkook’s lips had widened into a wide grin — a manic grin. The suddenness of it was troubling. Even for Taehyung, who had been too invested in his emotions of heartbreak and anger, was forced to snap out of his emotional trance, and examine Jungkook with a cautious gaze. There was an indescribable and minute inkling of fear that formed in his gut, and subconsciously, he gripped Jungkook’s shirt tighter. He glared, and growled. “Why are you grinning you asshole? Am I a joke to you?” Taehyung snapped, as Jungkook combed his hair away from his eyes smoothly, and Taehyung was finally able to get a glimpse of his face. Jungkook’s eyes were twinkling in joy, as his grin widened, and he cupped Taehyung’s cheek tenderly. His unanticipated touch startled Taehyung. With wide eyes, Taehyung’s stare flickered to Jungkook’s hand on his cheek, and then back to Jungkook, who was looking at him with deranged infatuation etched in his eyes. “You don’t have to be so jealous Tae,” Jungkook began using the nickname ‘Tae’ that Taehyung only ever allowed [Name] to call him. Subconsciously, Jungkook licked his lips in a poor attempt to moisturize them. Then, “I love you too,” He confessed sincerely. A sense of utter disgust immediately went through Taehyung. Right away, he roughly shoved Jungkook off him in order to create some distance between them. “You fucking sick psycho! What kind of game do you think you’re playing—“ He voiced, and as he had spoken, he winced at the headache that had been brewing, and suddenly manifested in his head. Taehyung never received the chance to finish his sentence since Jungkook had interrupted him. There was extreme madness glinting in Jungkook’s eyes, which made Taehyung freeze in surprise. “Both you and [Name] will be mine,” Jungkook breathed obsessively, before he raised his arm, clenched his fist, and swung it at Taehyung’s head swiftly, and quickly, and knocking him out.

A few days later [Name] was drenched as she entered Jungkook’s residence. See, instead of catching a ride with Taehyung like she usually did whenever she visited Jungkook at his place, or catching a cab, she had decided she would walk to his place this time. Granted that his place was far away from hers — a couple of kilometres that would usually be a bit too much for a person’s liking to walk it. However, for [Name], it was a work out that she had desperately needed. See, for the last few days, due to her emotional baggage, she had become a mess. [Name] had not eaten, slept, or looked after herself properly, and isolated herself in the four walls of her new apartment’s run down living room.

Each time when [Name] reflected on how she had come onto Jungkook so strongly, only to kick him out and give him no matter in the say, her mental health worsened. She was overwhelmed with guilt, and she hated herself for her recklessness. She had acted selfishly, by pushing herself onto Jungkook in order to find some sort of escape from her emotional predicament, even though he was not even attracted to her. If anything, Jungkook was like a younger brother to her. So, after she had come to her senses, [Name] had felt disgusted with herself. More so, when she realized that what she had done, was exactly the type of thing Taehyung would do — let her emotions rule her actions and cloud her judgement. As much as she did denied it, deep down [Name] knew that she was like Taehyung in many ways — it was one of the main reasons why they always clicked so well together. Their connection, and understanding of each other was impeccable. For that reason, whenever they fought, it hurt more because they knew each other so well, whatever harsh things they said, it was said out of the ugly truth that the other did not want to acknowledge about themselves. They knew each other wounds, and how to cut deeper in it. Aside from this, [Name] felt as if she needed to apologize to Jungkook big time. It took her a few days, but she did manage to collect herself -- even if it was the bare minimum. For a further piece of mind, and due to the nice windy weather, [Name] had decided to walk. She did not think it would rain heavily when she had left her own residence. As a result, there did not carry an umbrella or a raincoat. So, when was nearing Jungkook’s residence, she was only able to shield herself from the rain with her light summer coat that had a loose hood. Of course, it barely protected her. She was drenched, so her wet hair stuck to her skin, droplets of water hung on parts of her clothes and skin, and water was dripping from her coat and down onto the floor. The moment she had entered his residence (the door left unlocked), Jungkook had run up toher to greet her. Frankly speaking, [Name] found this to be a tad strange because of how quickly he had arrived by her side. It was as if he had been waiting eagerly for her arrival this entire time.

Jungkook’s hair was somewhat frizzled, and falling messily over his face. As he took [Name]’s coat off her, she noticed how his warm fingers had lingered on her cold skin a few seconds too long, before he hung it on the coat hanger. Additionally, she also took note of the few new cuts that scarred his cheeks, and a bruise on his lips. The entirety of just this small interaction was a bit bizarre, but [Name] decided not to comment on it. Instead, she waited patiently for Jungkook to invite her in, and offer her a remedy for her shivering body. However, before did invite her in, Jungkook had become preoccupied with something else. Just like her hair, [Name]’s wet clothes were also sticking onto her skin. Since rain had seeped through into [Name]’s shirt, it was now see through. The colour of her bra was visible, and Jungkook’s gaze lingered on it. However, just before [Name] could notice his staring, he snapped out of it, and returned his gaze to her face. She looked absolutely angelic and vulnerable with the way she hugged herself in order to protect herself from the cold. And the way the rain droplets glistened on her — they were like small twinkling diamonds. Just the sight of her made Jungkook’s knees feel weak, and he knew that along with Taehyung, he had to have her. Jungkook gave her a tight lip smile. “Come in [Name], I’ll make you some warm tea. There’s a few hoodies of mine on the couch if you want to borrow one in case you feel too cold. Pick whichever, I don’t mind. I’m sure they’ll all look really lovely on you,” Jungkook said, as he turned around, and walked from the entrance door of his house, to towards the kitchen. The compliment at the end of his sentence was rather weird, and made [Name] furrow her eyebrows in confusion. However, many things about Jungkook were weird and confusing: like the fact that despite being an orphan, he owned his own house without being in debt. Taehyung had once joked about that to her in private. He had said that Jungkook probably had it passed onto him because he killed his entire foster family or something. It was a joke that was just downright  insensitive for [Name] so she had told him off for it. But by now, [Name] was accustomed to Jungkook’s weirdness anyway. So, like usually she did, she was quick to shrug this off too. [Name] chose a plain black hoodie to wear, and as Jungkook started making the tea for her, she addressed the elephant in the room. “Thanks for calling me Jungkook even though I promised to be the one to do it…” [Name] started, and trailed off awkwardly. Jungkook’s build prevented her from seeing the things he was putting in her tea. Just as he finished adding a crushed powder of some sleeping pills he had given to Taehyung in her tea, Jungkook quickly threw away the packet, and turned towards [Name]. He smiled widely, showing off his white teeth. The emotion never reached his eyes though. “It’s alright [Name]. That’s what friends are for,” He said, with another wide grin. To be frank, there was a sort of eeriness etched in his smile that sent shivers through [Name]. She nodded awkwardly, and started to fiddle with her fingers nervously, as she spoke once more. “Yeah friends. That was another thing I wanted to talk to you about. Um, you know about the whole situation of me kissing you…” [Name] said, and trailed off, as she glanced away from Jungkook for a moment, and then returned her gaze on him. He licked his lips subconsciously. [Name] noticed how he had suddenly narrowed his eyes at her, and his aura seemed to have darkened. Oh god, she thought, was my kiss really that bad that he’s giving such a horrid expression? Oh god, I really messed up this time. I need to apologize and clear the air with Jungkook if nothing else. “What about it?” Jungkook asked stoically. The lack of emotion in his voice, that was usually always filled with wonder, and a child’s sparkle of curiosity, made [Name] bite her lip in nervousness. Why do I always end up fucking up my life? [Name] wondered, but quickly snapped herself out of it. “I’ll say this one more time and I truly mean it. Jungkook, I’m really sorry about doing that to you. I— I wasn’t in the right state of mind, and I know that that’s no excuse for me using you like that— oh god, I’m so awful. I swear I didn’t mean anything by that kiss, it was just a mistake. I’m so sorry—“ [Name] cried, however, she was abruptly cut off. See, while she had started her little vent, Jungkook had abandoned the tea he was making for her — he had become a wild predator who was driven by his instinctive desires. By the time [Name] had got to her second ‘I’m sorry’ of this chapter, Jungkook stood right before her. Then, he suddenly grabbed her face, and forcefully pressed his lips against her. [Name]’s eyes widened, and she stilled in surprise. As Jungkook increased the intensity of the kiss, he forcefully guided [Name] to stand up on her tiptoes in order to keep up with his pace. This kiss barely lasted, and as soon as the rush of intensity of the kiss had come, it was gone. Jungkook pulled away momentarily, but still kept his face extremely close to [Name]’s as his breath fanned her skin. The [h/c] female stared up at him with wide doe eyes. “You apologize too much mum. If you’re truly sorry for what you’ve done, you can make it up to me by doing what I say,” He said smoothly, and smirking, before he pressed his lips on [Name]’s once again. This time, [Name]’s response was the complete opposite. She did not freeze like she had before, nor reciprocate it like Jungkook wanted her to. Instead, with an incredible amount of strength one would not expect of someone like her, she pushed Jungkook off of her. “What the fuck Jungkook?” [Name] exclaimed, as she wiped her lips with the sleeve of Jungkook’s hoodie she was wearing, in disgust. Jungkook’s eyes widened. “Did a single word of what I said before not go through your thick skull? I said it was a mistake and I regret it. If you try to pull off shit like that again—“ “You’re just confused! You don’t regret it! You love me! You and Taehyung would anything for my happiness, I know it! Here, let me kiss you again and you’ll see what I mean,” Jungkook said, smiling reassuringly, as he tried to grab [Name] and kiss her again. However, he never got to, because [Name] swung her arm instinctively, and punched Jungkook in the face. His head swung back, and there was a loud noise emitted as a result of her hit. Although her hit was strong, it was not enough to have knocked Jungkook out; and while [Name] should have used this time to run away, leave, and get help she stood still frozen in shock. Seemingly, she was not able to comprehend that she had hurt Jungkook like that. Jungkook tilted his head slightly as he straightened himself up. As he brought his face forward, his eyes were wide in anger, and there was blood oozing out of his lips. Of course, being the caring and always selfless person at the wrong times that [Name] was, she blinded herself to his seething expression, and instead focused on his injury. She gasped and took a step closer to him. “Jungkook I’m so sorry—“ BIG MISTAKE. As soon as she had started apologizing, she had stopped. This was because Jungkook had cut her off with a growl, before he lunged at her.

#yandere bts #yandere x reader #bts smut #jungkook x reader #bts poly au #taehyung x reader #yandere jungkook #yandere taehyung #yandere kpop #x reader #bts x reader #yandere bts x reader #yandere bangtan #yandere imagines #oath of desires #chapter six #vkook x reader #taekook x reader #bts imagines #ambivalent writes

[ansgar-martinsson]

The Best Intentions - Part 22

“Oh, that,” he said, glancing at his right shoulder as he sat back against the chaise. “That’s nothing.”

She chuckled sardonically. “Feels more like something.”

Ansgar’s muscles trembled for a split second at her touch on the sensitive, raised and smooth skin, in spite of the barrier of his linen shirt between. He covered her exploratory hand with his, stilling her.

“Tell me. Please.” she implored.

He squeezed her hand, but did not pull it away from his ruined arm. “I nearly lost everything that day,” he began. “My brother, my own life, and I thought, when I came out of it all… I thought I’d never play piano again,” he smiled sadly, “as cliche’ as it sounds.”

“What happened?” She shifted on the chaise, her legs still over his thighs, but she curled up beside him, replacing her hand on his arm with a pillowing of her head. “Tell me as much or as little as you want.”

He took a deep breath. “I trusted her, trusted this… person,” he sneered, “with my company. She was the director of finance, so… in charge of the money, of the financial direction of my company. And well, she got greedy, decided that… for whatever reason I wasn’t living up to her expectations as a CEO, I don’t know, but whatever it was, she… well, let’s just say she attempted to defraud me out of a lot of money. And beyond that,” he paused, swallowing down a wave of renewed anger, a reminder of the fury and furious ire he’d felt years ago. He took a heavy breath and squirmed, suddenly uncomfortable.

“It’s okay,” Joline whispered, placing her warm hand gently upon his cheek. “You don’t have to – “

“No,” Ansgar clipped, licking and wiping his lips. “It’s in the past. I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

He nodded, a small, tight-lipped smile crossing his face.

“Can you continue?”

“Yeah,” he huffed, and then took a deep breath. “She arranged for… no, that’s not right… she outright murdered my VP of field ops - a very good friend of mine. Murdered him so that she could pocket the proceeds of a key employee insurance policy she took out – and she took it out in my name, with my bank account information and a mockup of my signature.” He chuckled mirthlessly. “And when the police investigated it, of course the motives all pointed back to me. She not only tried to ruin my business, not only took the life of someone close to me, but she tried to frame me for it.”

“Shit, Sgar.”

“Yeah. Shit. Shit is right. Anyway, long story short, we… meaning Magnus and I - he was still a detective at the time, and he was on the case - we caught up to her. Figured it all out. She didn’t like that, not one bit, so she shot my brother in the shoulder but not before she ran me off the road. My car, well, Magnus’ car with me driving it, flipped three times before I landed in the median off the E4. Pretty spectacular, really. Ball of flame and the whole nine yards.” He grinned, but the smile did not reach his fiery eyes.

“Oh my God!” She gasped and covered her mouth with a shaking hand. Her eyes went wide and her brow furrowed in concern. A coating of saline appeared over her irises, sluicing down to form a single tear from the canthus of her right eye. “Ansgar….”

“I’m fine now, obviously,” he said. “I somehow managed to walk out of the wreckage, but not unscathed. Two broken ribs.” He lifted his ruined shoulder. “And that. Compound fracture of the humerus and a dislocation that they couldn’t reduce in the ED. Worst pain I ever felt in my entire life. Had three surgeries on that puppy. I could barely lift my arm for months. Spent nearly a year and a half in physio before I could move my fingers properly or even lift that hand to the piano again.”

“Wow,” she huffed.

“Yeah,” he said. “I can’t go very long without playing, so it drove me a little mad for a while. A friend of mine told me about this episode of an American TV show where the chaplain in an army base told a wounded soldier about this piece composed for one hand. I did some research, and found a few pieces - Prelude Opus 9 by Scriabin, one by Ravel, and some by a more modern composer called Theodore Edel. I played a lot of that Ravel piece and a lot of Edel’s music for a long time.” He laughed. “Not my favorite composer, not Philip Glass, but at least I was able to play.”

“Did you play it for anyone?”

He shook his head. “I don’t play for other people, typically. I play for myself,” he confessed. He lifted his hands from her thighs and considered them, flexing his fingers as he turned his hands over, back and forth, his head bowed, his gaze distant and glassy upon them. “It’s… it’s my sanity, my… my meditation, if you will,” he declared. “It’s my way of starting the morning, my way of decompressing, of distancing myself from reality for a while without drugs or alcohol or the like. Well,” he chuckled, “one of my ways. I have others, one of which you’ve already experienced last night.”

“Well, then,” she took one of his hands in hers, once again taking up the study of the lines of his fingers, the plane of his palm. She raised her eyes to his with a wry smile, her gaze half-mast and flirty. “I like the way you decompress.”

Ansgar opened his mouth to speak, leaned in with his eyes hooded, to hopefully initiate a session of stress relief, when the doorbell rang.

“Ah, shit. That’s crap timing.”

“Who’s here?” Joline frowned.

“Dinner’s arrived,” Ansgar gently moved her legs off his lap and unfolded his own, stretching slightly as he stood. “I’ll go let them in so they can set up. Stay here.”

“Oh,” Joline pouted mockingly. “And here I thought you’d cooked for me.”

“I don’t cook.” Ansgar snorted derisively. “You don’t want me cooking for you, believe me. When the primal cells that became Magnus and myself divided in my mother’s womb, my brother sucked up all the gastronomic protoplasm for himself.”

“Really!?” she chimed, shifting forward on the chaise, her elbows upon her knees in rapt interest. “Are you saying, in your really, really weird way, that you can’t cook?” she wriggled further forward, her face lit up with a child-like excitement. “Do you mean there truly is something the great and mighty Ansgar Martinsson, the Lion of Stockholm, can’t do? I’m shocked!”

He laughed, and tipped his head in acknowledgement of her well-placed jibe. “There are many things I can’t do, my darling Joline. However, I’m far too arrogant to admit it.” He gave her an elaborate yet silly bow. “Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go show my friend the Michelin-starred chef where to prepare our meal, and criticize her sharply for not cooking the meat to my specifications.” He winked. “Or something arsehole-ish like that.”

“Go on then, you do that.”

He stepped quickly to her, bent and kissed her. He pulled back, his tongue snaking out to taste her upon his lips as he brushed his nose against hers, as he gazed at her, a soft, longing shape to his eyes. His look was as delicate as his touch on her cheek, as warm as the curved bow of his smile. “Be right back. Don’t move.”

At first, Joline obeyed. She knew better than to test Ansgar when he issued a command, but the story of his brush with mortality smacked of her present circumstances. With her mother as sick as she was, Joline considered every day with her a gift, a guardian angel on her shoulder.

As she crossed her arms on the rear of the sofa, she felt a twinge of gratitude for whichever guardian angel spared Ansgar on that day, the day he nearly lost his life, his arm and his brother. She enjoyed watching him walk away, the expansive shoulders, the slim waist, the tight ass, and the hard lines of his legs. Shallow, of course, she admitted to herself, but to her credit, she didn’t know him well. She appreciated his generosity with her nephews and naturally herself and her ambitious plans for the opera house.

But she had to wonder if he worked some angle that she couldn’t see or imagine. He was a business man, a successful one, and business men displayed unattractive qualities. Would those spill over into his private relationships?

Joline’s brain didn’t work in the crooked or the mischievous. She liked logic, and to a certain extent, rules and boundaries. She liked diplomacy, an acceptable outcome of compromise between disagreeing parties. She didn’t work in scheming. That could be why she couldn’t see who sabotaged her theatre on her watch under her own nose.

With a double kiss, Ansgar greeted, a svelte blonde woman in a pristine white chef’s coat. “Rose,” he said in a robust decrescendo. “Bless you and your stars for coming.”

“Martinsson, where the devil have you been? They revoked one of my stars because my best customer fucked off to parts unknown.” The wide eyed, rosy faced woman entered the kitchen as if she owned the place, a sous chef only a step behind, and set up without a single order from Ansgar.

“Bullshit,” he argued, a chuckle followed. “They would have awarded you another for feeding the rest of Stockholm.” He glanced over his shoulder in Joline’s direction to ensure she was still there, and winked at her.

She took advantage of his attention to point at her mobile and indicated one of the many doors to the wrap-around balcony of his flat.

Ansgar furrowed his brow briefly but nodded, granting her his permission.

Joline wiggled her fingers in a wave and crossed to the outside door. She overheard Rose talking enough for all of them, “You rung me to impress a date, huh? I’m glad for it, Martin—“ Joline slipped out before she heard anymore. She got the impression that Ansgar and Rose were old friends, and she might have known of his marriage. Joline didn’t want to hear any more of the other woman if she could help it.

Using her one touch dialing on her mobile, Joline phoned her mother.

“Dearest daughter,” Emelie’s voice sounded resolved, “Tell me you’re not ringing me on your date. You’re not mugged again?”

Joline stepped fearlessly to the railing, taking in the best view of Stockholm she’d ever seen. There was very little noise, only the warm summer breeze. “No, not mugged again, mama. Only wanted to hear your voice.”

“Feeling sentimental?”

“That must make me a shit daughter, huh?”

“Unwise.”

Following along the railing, Joline walked to keep her feet busy. “Only worried for you.”

“You’re allowed to live your own life, I don’t—“

“How are you, mama? I haven’t been there as much as I should.”

“Joline, it’s two days. You’re dating again, good for you. I’m hanging up now.”

And the line went silent. Joline smiled down at her mobile before pocketing it again. She could’ve predicted how that conversation was going to go and her mother’s response to a spontaneous phone call.

The horizon pulled her focus and she breathed in the familiar smell of Stockholm, seawater, barbeque and petrol. It wasn’t pleasant but it was home, conjuring memories of her childhood, of chasing her brother, trying to fit in with the boys. She caught sight of the opera house in the distance, filling with pride at being there and working at one of her favorite buildings in the city center.

Joline felt him, rather than heard, before Ansgar touched her. His hands attached themselves at her hips as he lined her body with his. She stood to feel all of him behind her.

“Did you find it? Do you see the opera house?” He curled his arms around her.

She nodded first, then pointed to it. “This is a breathtaking view, Sgar! I think I can see Lidingo from here.”

He buried his lips against her neck, earning a whimper for his effort. “Am I keeping you from–?”

“No, no… I’m happy to be here.” She breathed out, crossing her arms to hold him to her. “A quick phone call to-to… my best friend.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth.

“Tell me about her.”

Joline paused, figuring a way to tell the truth without revealing too much. It was against her makeup, her nature, but she didn’t trust him with her emotions. Her body, absolutely, but her emotions were fragile. “I’ve known her all my life. I’d trust her with my life, and she’d take the piss out of me for it. Quick wit, sarcastic and smarter than me.” She shrugged. “And I owe her a pair of Louboutins.”

“Surely, she’d forgive a mugging.”

“Maybe if I’d done it myself,” Joline laughed at her own joke. “She’s wicked, more wicked than me.”

Ansgar gave her notable lead, choosing not to dig beyond the vague, allowing her to determine just how much to tell him. He’d played her enough with her family that afternoon, he could draw it out and patiently wait her out. He turned it around to them and their evening. “How wicked are you, Joline?”

She turned around in his arms, treading the easy path of the intimate rather than the emotional. Hooking her arms around his neck, she shoved her lips into his, his will surprisingly pliant to her. She demanded and her answered the torrid press of lips and searing tongues. She scraped her teeth along his lower lip when she pulled back and ended the kiss. “Did you friend cook your dinner to your specifications?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Pity. I’m a bit distracted by that strap of leather that I was promised.”

Ansgar groaned, lifting her up to press his face into her cleavage, his teeth gnawing at her tender flesh.

Joline only made it far worse with her next statement. “I can think of better things to put in my mouth than food. I’m under the impression that men like that men prefer that as a stress reliever.”

“SGAR! Hey!” Rose’s voice cut through the distance. Her timing hadn’t improved in the fifteen minutes since she arrived. “You eat now, arse, or the salmon will crumble like bread crumbs if you wait any longer.”

#the best intentions

[chiseler]

Gail Patrick: Malice Aforethought

The ultimate in resting bitch face, Gail Patrick could do more with a slight malicious smile than most actors could with the nastiest lines of dialogue. She was always sizing people up on screen, looking at them as if she could spot every weakness in their character and every humiliation they had ever suffered. Patrick knew instantly where she could stick all her knives, but the funny thing about her is that she seemed too basically cool and sedentary to really do too much damage, like a cat who stretches out and just scratches a canary before going back to sleep in the sun.

A brainy Southern girl, Patrick was born Margaret LaVelle Fitzpatrick in Birmingham, Alabama, in 1911. She graduated from Howard College and did two years of law school at the University of Alabama, saying later that she thought about running for state governor. But in 1932, for what she termed “a lark,” Patrick entered a Paramount Pictures beauty and talent contest and got the fare to Hollywood. The winner of the contest would get to be the “Panther Woman” in the Universal picture Island of Lost Souls (1932), starring Charles Laughton, and surely Patrick would have put a scare into both Laughton and co-star Bela Lugosi, but she didn’t get that part, which went to Kathleen Burke. (“It kind of ruined a career for her because nobody would take her seriously after that,” Patrick offered.)

She was presented with a standard studio contract by Paramount, but the strong-minded Patrick wouldn’t sign until her salary was raised from $50 to $75 a week and part of the contract was taken out. “I also read the fine print and blacked out the clause saying I had to do cheesecake stills,” Patrick said. “In the back of my mind I had this idea I could never go home and practice law if such stills were floating around.” She was groomed and coached until she lost her Southern accent, and then Patrick was ready to steal any scene she was in.

She made her first impact in Mitchell Leisen’s Death Takes a Holiday (1934), where she was filmed in stylish gowns and wore blond hair. Patrick is a distinct screen presence because she cannot help that “bitch” quality of hers from rising to the surface, no matter how hard she smiles or how hard she tries to be appealing in Death Takes a Holiday (much like such sisters in 1930s movie bitchery as Verree Teasdale and Genevieve Tobin). There is always something strained in her attempts at good spirits, as if she were a wicked stepsister just waiting to make some vicious remark about everyone in the cast. “I really put my all into that one,” she said. “It gave me a big career boost.”

She was a rival to Joan Crawford in No More Ladies (1935), which showed that Patrick was ready to rattle the most intimidating figures, taking in Crawford as if she can see the former chorus girl in her from a mile away. She drunkenly confesses to a dalliance with Crawford’s husband Robert Montgomery in a manner that tries for rumpled girlish candor but inevitably reads, as always with Patrick, as sheer malice. “I was hired because I towered over Joan,” she said. “She didn’t get temperamental—she simply expected blind obedience from cast and crew.”

Patrick coolly observed the “nasty” fights on the set of Mississippi (1935) between Bing Crosby and W.C. Fields and did her time in programmers before coming to the part that really set her up, Cornelia Bullock, the big bad sister to Carole Lombard’s daffy socialite Irene in My Man Godfrey (1936). Cornelia is the rich bitch incarnate, flaunting her privilege and power like a spoiled child, but with a wide streak of womanly sadism to make many of her scenes deeply unpleasant. Yet Patrick said that she was so afraid of the camera and nervous that she never saw her own films until she showed a friend My Man Godfrey in 1979. “My fright emerged as haughtiness and I can see where I got my image as a snob, a meanie,” she said. “And it’s the movie that typed me and the one I’m still asked about.”

Gregory La Cava, the director of My Man Godfrey, told Patrick to “suck on lemons and beat up little children” to prepare for her role, and maybe she was just a skeptical, smart girl scared of being in the movies, but that’s finally a little hard to believe. You don’t play Cornelia Bullock in the scathing way Patrick does without at least knowing something about inherent meanness and it uses and effects. Then again, fear has often been known to make people behave badly, and shyness can be seen as unfriendliness. “She had to be bratty, mean, demanding, and no winks to show I wasn’t really like that,” Patrick said of Cornelia.

She followed up Cornelia with her finest bitch performance of all, Linda Shaw, erstwhile roommate to Ginger Rogers’s Jean Maitland in La Cava’s great Stage Door (1937), where she engages in wisecracking duels with Rogers so brutal that it comes as no surprise when Rogers’s Jean ends one of them with the line, “Well, so long, if you ever need a good pallbearer, remember I’m at your service.” Patrick enjoyed working with Rogers in Stage Door because she said they could try scenes different ways, whereas she sniped that with the “Great Kate” Hepburn every scene was done the same way. “She never took direction and always walked around with that haughty air,” Patrick said of Hepburn. “Ginge was everything Great Kate wasn’t. The crews loved her and hated Kate for the airs she put on.”

Patrick was only 26 when she made Stage Door, but she reads as a lot older and more experienced, and so it’s believable when Rogers, who was the same age as Patrick, seems to have youth and freshness on her side as she diffidently snags jaded Linda’s man, the theatrical producer Anthony Powell (Adolphe Menjou). Patrick goes as far with verbal bitchery as it is possible to go in Stage Door, and her snobbery is at its most cutting and armored, too, and yet there are a few moments here when we can see that Linda is just as subject to the vagaries of men and show business as the other girls at the theatrical boarding house she lives at. Linda has a freezing sort of dignity when she realizes that Jean is replacing her with Powell, for the time being, and she has the confidence and lack of illusions that can wait to get him back. This has nothing to do with lack of pride, for Linda has plenty of that where it counts, and then some. It has to do with understanding how the world works and how unfair it can be without ever feeling sorry for yourself.

There’s a brief scene in Stage Door where Patrick relaxes a little for once as Judy (Lucille Ball) talks about the moment when she first wanted to go into show business. Patrick smiles almost easily here, as if her guard is just slightly down briefly, and the effect is touching because there is no other moment on screen when she opens up just a little bit for us. In the end, Linda gets Powell back, and she probably has the guts to keep him until another new blond comes along, and when that game is all finished at least she’ll have the fur coats he bought her to keep her warm on the cold nights ahead. Whatever happens to her, Linda will be all right because she takes nothing seriously and never gets her emotions, if she has any left, involved. That’s one way of getting through life.

Patrick’s most notable role after that was as Cary Grant’s wife Bianca in My Favorite Wife (1940), where the frustration of “the other woman” does not really suit her brand of steely control backed up by a witchy talent for insults and vindictiveness. By the time of Claudia and David (1946), Patrick could see the writing on the wall. “One day, we were sitting around the set and dear, sweet Dorothy McGuire started chattering about her great pleasure in working with such veterans,” Patrick said. “Well, I was seven years her senior, and Mary Astor was only 40 at the time. Mary bristled, but I just kept on with my knitting.”

Patrick, who married four times, had a successful second career as a television producer, where as Gail Patrick Jackson (the last name of her third husband), she put her law background to use as executive producer on the Perry Mason series, which starred Raymond Burr and lasted from 1957-1966. She let her hair go white and was still a handsome and stylish figure around town in this period. Patrick died in 1980 at age 69 in her home in Hollywood, in the arms of her fourth husband. Whenever she turns up in a movie, I think of that old saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me.”

by Dan Callahan

[justfilmsandthat]

Five Centimetres Per Second. By Imogen Smiley.

Another great piece for you written by one of our listeners. This one is full of love and adoration for the Japanese film, Five Centimetres Per Second. It was written by Imogen Smiley.

“Hey... They say it's five centimetres per second.”

“What do you mean?”

“The speed at which the cherry blossom petals fall... Five centimetres per second.”

 It was always said, that favourite films, favourite songs etc. can tell people a lot more about a person than conversation. I believe that watching this particular film would tell anyone more about me than I would care to mention.

The first time I watched Five Centimetres Per Second (2007), I was nineteen years old, bored rigid without Wi-Fi in my student house for the second week and I’d bought it second-hand from a charity shop, elated with the find. I had heard of Makoto Shinkai and his work before, but was yet to see work he was credited to. I only knew about his content because of the commercial success of his later project Your Name (2016). I never expected this film to be so emotive.

It opens with context; a young Takaki telling the audience about Akari and how their lives became connected, both being new to the area, with similar interests. You watch them act as children do, playing together, chasing one another, until they are faced by a lowering train barrier. Akari passes through the barriers, but Takaki is left to wait for the train to pass. It’s a beautiful montage, showing the pair race to one another once the barriers are lifted.

From the minute I heard the first lines of dialogue, I knew this film was bound to be beautiful. I fell in love with the childlike quality of the motion. There was a youthful curiosity present within the characters and their experiences. Each one of the three stories was invaluable insight to the highs and lows of growing up. I adored how the first story, which depicted Takaki and Akari in childhood, contained vibrant springtime colours and excited movements, where nothing mattered more to the characters than what was straight ahead. It was a beautiful depiction of how vibrant youth is. Takaki and Akari did not concern themselves too much with the future, instead existing solely in the moment; a relentless optimism existing that they would remain connected despite however many miles kept them apart. Hope was present in the dialogue constantly during this story, and is carefully ebbed out as Takaki grows up.

Each of the three short stories shows a different element of growing up, following a young Takaki as he faces the world. When the first story looks at young love, reciprocated feelings and a series of firsts, the second looks at being a teenager, being aware of the likelihood of being rejected and existing in fear of your feelings being unrequited. Watching Kanai love Takaki so intensely, knowing that he sees her as nothing more than a friend is emotional. An easy enough experience to relate to, where you know that you could ruin a relationship by confessing romantic feelings, and fearing the consequences. Kanai is a character you root for even though it’s clear from the beginning that her attempts will be futile. Her story is dreamy, warm, filled with longing for a life she wonders whether she can become part of.

The third story is much grittier; realer, and provides you with the swift reality check that as much as you were rooting for Kanai, as soon as you hear Akari speak, you are desperate to find out whether she and Takaki were reunited; whether they’re back together, because despite what you know about relationships, you want them to have managed it. You forget about Kanai and her unrequited feelings, you just want to see Takaki and Akari happy.

I believe that one of the immense strengths was how the beginning and ending sequences mirrored each other. It was a masterful manipulation to show the passage of time. The steep hills that they used to race down are now the routes for a leisurely walk, there is no haste in Takaki’s step. The only time he is faced with urgency is in that fleeting moment when he and Akari were reunited; walking across the train tracks toward his destination, crossing paths for just a moment. It was clever, and beautiful.

Then there’s the score – the ending song, One More Time One More Chance is such a beautiful and easy listen; a song which is easy to hear, and with or without the translated lyrics at the foot of the screen, I still got a semblance of the meaning behind the words. The tune emanates an air of nostalgia and yearning which makes it hard to forget the ending that such a hopeful film was just dealt. A dreamy “what if” motif running through to remind us of how much the audience, like Takaki, wanted things to end differently.

I remember watching it for the first time, and how my nineteen-year-old self stared at the rolling credits, dumbfounded by how real that moment was. I wish I could go back and re-watch it for the first time; being so invested in this love story was stunning, you don’t realise how much you want things to work out until things fail to come to fruition each time.

I cannot wait to get a chance to watch this film again. Each time I see it, I find myself welling up. The entire composition of the entire film is fantastic.

Five Centimetres Per Second (2007) is available to purchase on Amazon. I would wholeheartedly recommend watching it.

#film #blog #japan #podcast

[wasneeplus]

Why Bojack Horseman season 5 was disappointing

So it ends with a car slowly disappearing into a tunnel. The driver is probably just as confused about her motives as I am in that moment. The music plays, the camera zooms out, the credits roll, the curtain falls. And here I am, feeling more conflicted than I’ve ever felt before about a piece of media.

By now it’s well known what kind of heights the Netflix show Bojack Horseman can sore to when it’s in its element. This show is truly something special. I’ve never seen anything that can touch me, delight me and, at the same time, depress me the way this show can. Catch me at the right time and you might even hear me confess to this being my favourite show of all time. So rest assured that everything I’m about to say I say out of love, and because of the incredibly high standards the show has set for itself. That being said, I do think my complaints are legitimate, and there were enough serious shortcomings to make me feel very disappointed in season 5.

According to many, Bojack Horseman had kind of a rocky start. Looking back at the first few episodes I think they are decent enough, but they’re certainly not representative of what the show would become known for eventually. But we didn’t have to wait very long to see a drastic increase in quality, which kept on going until the season 3 finale brought it to a preliminary climax. I still think season 3 is the strongest one overall, though the highest highs probably occurred in season 4. And then there’s season 5, which is the first time I feel the quality has dropped significantly. Worse, it detracts from previous seasons by putting certain moments in a new, quite unflattering light. But we’ll get there.

Themes of Ruin

The first thing I have to talk about, and I just have to get this out of the way so please bear with me, is feminism and my intense dislike for it. A lot of people when they hear this still think that I feel this way because I have a problem with women’s rights. Nothing could be further from the truth though. If feminism was just a women’s rights movement I’d have no problem with it. But it is way, way more than that. Feminism is an ideology, that brings its own ideological lens to the table. When viewed through that lens the world turns into one where society is dominated by an all encompassing power structure called the patriarchy. Men and women are related and locked together by a massive class struggle, although some more modern strands of feminism hold that men are just as much puppets of the patriarchy. The patriarchy, then, is the source of all the world’s social ills, and puts upon us a moral obligation to overthrow it in some kind of world revolution. Worse still, feminism in recent decades has become more and more anti-science in an attempt to discredit scientific explanations for social ills that they attribute to the patriarchy. It’s gotten to a point where the whole concept of the scientific method is under attack from academics who bought into this world view. I’ve written about this before, if anyone’s interested. All of this makes it impossible for me to view feminism as anything but a nutty conspiracy theory, akin to the kinds of things the alt-right movement would say about Zionism.

So to make the character of Diane Nguyen a feminist was always going to result in an uphill battle to make me lik her. Again, if this confuses you: imagine if she’d been a white supremacist instead, or some other kind of ideologue which would be completely disgusting to you. Imagine if instead of going on about the patriarchy, she went on about the conspiracy to commit genocide against white people, organised by a shadowy group of Zionists. That’s what it feels like for me. No matter how sympathetic the rest of her character is, her spouting that bigoted nonsense from time to time was always going to be a mark against her. And yet, amazingly, for four seasons the writers did make me like her, quite a bit actually. She was shown to be a caring, principled person who held herself to very high standards. While she had her flaws, she also seemed acutely aware of them. So much so that her season 2 arc revolved entirely around her hiding away from one of her failures out of shame. This season however her dark side just can’t be ignored anymore, because it’s intrinsically woven into the entire theme of the season. And the Diane that it brings out is one that the show is trying to frame as an improved version of herself, but honestly she just seems like kind of a bitch to me. But I’ll get back to Diane’s character this season in a moment. First I want to start with some of the more minor annoyances.

The Road to Nowhere

Throughout season 5 of Bojack Horseman I continually felt like I was waiting for something to happen, like the show was promising me something but dragging its heels to get there. I think the main reason for that is that nothing this season really got resolved, and some promising plot lines were barely explored. I know a lack of resolution is kind of Bojack Horseman’s thing. Life doesn’t suddenly end with a credit roll; it just keeps going even after what you think is a happy ending. The creator of the show, Raphael Bob-Waksberg, has stated that he doesn’t believe in endings. A bit of a worrying statement, since Bojack does have to end one day, but it has worked so far. Here’s the thing though: Bojack Horseman is not real life; it is a tv show. As such it needs to keep to a certain structure to tell an effective story. If you want to show something resembling real life that’s fine, but do cut out the dull bits please. We get an entire arc of Princess Carolyn looking for an adoptive child which seemingly gets resolved at the end by.... her adopting a child. Maybe it’s just me, but that feels way more like the beginning of a story than any kind of resolution. We get some interesting backstory about PC during  her search, but the whole things ends up feeling like padding. Certainly nothing that compares to her arc in season 4, where we see her go from heaven to hell in the span of several episodes. 

Bojack himself this season doesn’t seem to go through any kind of character growth either. There are no moments of revelation that give him and us more insight into his tortured soul. Everything we see of him we knew already, and all the problems he faces are ones that get introduced right at the beginning of the season, to be seemingly resolved at the end. Again, I will get to the ludicrous season climax in a moment, but as for the main character of the show: it seemed like the writers were either disinterested in him or really had no clue where to go with him next. Bojack kind of disappears into the background altogether during much of the season, since most of the other characters get way more development than he does. We do get some interesting interactions between him and Hollyhock, but that doesn’t really go anywhere either.

Mister Peanutbutter’s arc is actually kind of interesting and I have no major complaints about that. Todd on the other hand is probably one of the biggest missed opportunities in the show so far. His asexuality, and the problems coming with that, are barely explored. When Todd first came out as asexual I was a little disappointed I have to admit. I saw Todd as someone who was just really shy about sex, even though he had a healthy social life in most other respects. I saw a lot of myself and my own complicated relationship with my sexuality in Todd because of that, more so because there just aren’t any characters in fiction which represent that side of me. So when that turned out to be wishful thinking on my part, for a moment it was quite a letdown. But hey, the show doesn’t have any obligation to cater to me specifically, and it’s true that I’ve never seen an asexual character either so this could be quite interesting after all! Or so I thought.

In reality the issues surrounding asexuality barely get a mention. I don’t know any asexual people, so I can only go on what I’ve heard. My understanding is that most asexual people are indeed interested in romance, but finding someone who will be there for them, with which to form an emotional bond and a life partnership, but who at the same time is okay with never having sex with them, is quite hard. In fact, it’s something that a lot of asexual people really struggle with. I was a little disappointed that none of that really came into play in season 4, but it seemed season 5 was going to remedy this. As it turned out we get only a few brief moments where its mentioned that asexuals shouldn’t date each other just on the basis of both being asexuals and that’s it.

The rest of the time Todd doesn’t appear to be struggling with it. In fact, he doesn’t really seem to need any kind of genuine human connection at all. That’s fine for a comic relief character, which is how Todd spends most of his time, but if you’re going to tackle a serious subject like this then don’t half-ass it. Hell, Emily seems to struggle with it a lot more than Todd, even though we have seen that Todd does have feelings for Emily. All of the above is mentioned at one point or another, but we never see the consequences play out the way we usually do on this show. More time is spend on the social stigma surrounding asexuality than it is on actually living with it. Maybe season 6 will finally go deeper into the nitty gritty, but if so it remains just another thing that this season sets up only to do nothing with.

Diane

As the final episode of season 5 ends we focus on Diane driving a car. It’s a departure from previous seasons where we would focus on Bojack in the final moments, but it’s a fitting one since season 5 was much more Diane’s story than it was Bojack’s. It’s also a departure in another way, namely that I have no fucking clue what I’m supposed to feel while watching this, nor what’s supposed to be going through the head of the person I’m watching. Diane is probably the most prominent victim of this season’s smothering theme. Normally a theme should strengthen the material by binding everything together in a package that’s greater than the sum of its parts. But as previously mentioned this season has a strong feminist bend, and one of the stated goals of feminism is to make the personal political. As such, everything having to do with it is swallowed by the political message it’s trying to get across. At least, that’s what it seems like. With Diane we start out observing a woman who is trying to cope with her recent divorce. This was the obvious angle to take of course after season 4, and certainly one with a lot of potential. I really felt for Diane as she had to struggle with her newfound poverty, both in her love life as well as her, well, actual life. In episode 4, titled BoJack the Feminist, it all comes to a head for the first time however, beginning with the following stupid line:

Who? Who loves male feminists? As far as I can tell they’re one of the most despised groups of people populating the political landscape. Obviously anti-feminists loathe them, often even more so than their female counterparts. But judging by the portrayal of every man claiming to be a feminist in this show I doubt even the person who wrote that line holds them in very high regard. I would think that someone trying to write political satire would at least have to be grounded enough to know something like this. During this scene we are also subjected to the following tired cliche:

One would think that by now everyone knows this simply isn’t the case. It’s not like feminists have never tried to broaden their appeal by finding a man to speak for them. As it turns out this never works. Because the world in which a man’s word is taken so much more seriously that it’s the only way to get a message into the public consciousness, that world exists only in the heads of the most devout feminists. The only way to still be clinging to this notion is by completely ignoring reality. As it happens that’s exactly how it goes, and time and again I have to sit through another incarnation of a feminists “brilliant” “new” idea of: “hey, what if we let a man say it?!” I’m sure every time this happens the person in question thinks they’re the first to come up with it and thinks themselves very smart indeed. I don’t know how they respond when it fails yet again, but I doubt we’ll see any introspection on it from the writing staff in season 6.

In any case, this episode was probably the most annoyingly feminist one out there. We get the conformation that Diane also buys into the behavioural psychology side of the ideology, with her whole “media normalising the wrong things” shtick. It’s quite a worrying thing to me that the writers themselves seem to buy into this as well. There is a fine line between weaving a message in your art and making soulless political propaganda. If you care more about the message your art gets across than the quality of the art itself, as Diane appears to do, then it becomes damn near impossible to stay on the right side of that line. Last season there were some signs of this already, when we got the amazingly ridiculous Thoughts and Prayers. It made some interesting points about women and gun ownership (an argument straight from the NRA as it turns out) but ends in a spectacularly ridiculous fashion.

This after the Californian state legislature just passed a ban on all guns after a woman committing a mass shooting, described by PC as “sensible gun legislation” after a whole episode of arguing why gun ownership might be a positive thing for society in some cases. I can’t believe the Bojack writers are that cynical about the motives of gun ownership advocates. I really don’t know what they hope to achieve by knocking down such a clumsily constructed strawman either. In any case, besides the obvious bullshit conclusion the episode itself wasn’t that offensive to me, unlike BoJack the Feminist which wears its biases on its sleef.

The next big development in Diane the soapbox straddler’s journey comes in episode 7 called INT. SUB, where we get this bit from ms. Nguyen:

Admittedly Bojack spends most of this episode being a huge dick, so a verbal slap down was probably the appropriate response here. One might be tempted to brush off this comment as Diane just being angry, and rightfully so. But the way it’s framed it comes across like Diane is supposed to be speaking some hard hitting truth. She’s not though. We’ve been with Bojack for 44 episodes by this point and the changes have been so gradual they’re sometimes hardly noticeable, but they’ve been there. Bojack went from someone who did nothing but keep Todd down to being genuinely supportive of him when he admitted to being asexual. Yes, there was this one episode where he almost helped Todd launch a music career, but I always interpreted that as him trying to impress Diane. He went from someone who would turn down everything he got offered for the flimsiest of reasons to doing a show he knew nothing about as a favour to PC.

He went from someone who cared about no one but himself and his own misery to someone who genuinely cares about the well being of Gina, his costar. He went from someone who pushed everyone away to someone longing for the company of his sister, who he clearly cares about very much. Can you imagine the arsehole of early season 1 doing any of that? So Diane’s comment appears very misplaced and mean-spirited. With some different framing this whole situation could be about unfairly judging someone’s past. Of course we know the show is definitely not going to go there; it railed against forgiving public figures, that is men, for past transgressions just three episodes ago. Anyway, the point is that I can understand Diane saying it in the heat of the moment, but why does it seem like the writers are agreeing with her?

Here we come back to the crux of Diane’s arc in this season. The reason she inflicts her feminist side on us so much is not because it’s in service of any kind of character development. Her arc should've been about her standing on her own two feet again after the divorce, like it seemed to be at the beginning. Instead somewhere along the line the writers decided to make her the mouthpiece of the message this season is trying to send, thus making her character subordinate to political considerations, just as I feared. This is expressed most clearly in episode number 10, Head in the Clouds. Bojack and company are at the premier of their television show Philbert when Bojack is asked to say some words to the waiting public before the screening. Since he has nothing prepared and his head is at a totally different place at the moment he mutters some lines which barely make any sense.

They are enough to set off Diane’s righteous fury however and after the screening she first confronts Flip, saying that she “screwed up”.

The idea is that she thinks because people will identify with Philbert they will rationalise their own awful behaviour. So what we learn here is that Ms. Nguyen, despite her lecturing about media and how it influences people, doesn’t actually understand the first thing about how art interacts with the human mind. The big problem with most human beings is that they tend to overestimate their own goodness. This is not my observation, in fact it’s widely known among folks who study this sort of thing. The best way art can shape us into better people is not by being purely didactic, that is, trying to teach us what’s good and what’s bad. People above the age of nine are not going to absorb that message. Instead, what a piece of media should aim to do is try and help the observer become aware of the darkness in their own soul. The best way to do this is to make them identify with a character like Philbert, make them feel what he feels and then show them the shitty things he does because of it. And everyone feels vulnerable at some points. Everyone, even the biggest arseholes. So when you show someone like Philbert doing something nasty, and the viewer is seriously questioning whether or not they’d be doing the same thing in that circumstance, then you’ve written something successful. Then you’ve written something that can truly affect people for the better.

Of course all of this is completely lost on Diane who, after getting nowhere with Flip, goes to Bojack and confronts him with his earlier statement. She tells him that the point of Philbert was never to make him or anyone else feel okay about what they’ve done. She says she doesn’t want anyone to justify their shitty behaviour because of the show. Naturally Bojack asks her what the hell her problem is, so after some back and forth she confronts him with the tape describing what happened between him and Penny in New Mexico. The situation escalates until Diane starts berating him about what happened with Sarah Lynn. The fight ends with the apparent end of their friendship.

I hate everything about this whole scene. It fact it might be the whole reason I decided to write this. It’s downright uncomfortable to watch at some points. That probably was the intention to some degree, but it’s uncomfortable for all the wrong reasons. I don’t feel “confronted” by anything. Rather I weep for what the writers have done to Diane. This scene feel’s like a bully kicking their victim while they’re down. I’ll talk about the whole Penny and Sarah Lynn thing in the next part, so let me just say here that I don’t understand what Diane is hoping to accomplish with this. She asks Bojack if he feels bad about all the things he’s done, and he admits he does. He does try to excuse it.

But after receiving no sympathy he goes on to claim that he is the real victim, because he has to live with this shit. Whether or not he really means it or is just trying to upset Diane is unclear. What is clear that Diane’s approach is entirely unproductive. Bojack becomes more and more defensive as she becomes more aggressive and unsympathetic. I would also like to know who all these women are that Bojack has wronged. It’s implied that Bojack doesn’t care about their feelings as long as he feels sorry for himself. Diane’s scrutiny isn’t exactly not making him feel sorry for himself, in fact it has kind of the opposite effect, but it’s also hard to sympathise when I don’t give a shit either. Who are all these women? What has Bojack done to them that was so horrible? Again, we’ll get to Penny and Sarah Lynn in a second, but I almost get the feeling that the show is trying to shame Bojack for having lots of casual sex. You can say that’s not exactly a good thing, but it’s not something that he does to other people. Sex, believe it or not, is still something that two people do together under most circumstances. I’m not going to feel sorry for all those vapid starfuckers for getting exactly what they were after. Even in the case of, say, Emily I don’t think he owes her any apologies. He certainly did to Todd for sleeping with the girl he was infatuated with, but then I don’t remember Todd being particularly upset at any of those firemen either. Emily could’ve just said no and that would’ve been the end of it. Instead she decided to approach Bojack and sleep with him.

The fight culminates in Bojack confirming her earlier accusation.

Which we already know isn’t true. After all, what is the point of this whole damn tv series if we didn’t see Bojack change at any point. But the writers put these words into his mouth not because it is in line with the character development we’ve seen so far, but because is serves the message. This season is about confronting powerful men with their awful behaviour, so Diane has to become belligerent to Bojack to confront him, and Bojack needs to tell us she’s right for doing so because he’s learned nothing. Screw you if you’ve become invested in his growth as a character. You’re no different from those who get invested in Philbert and cheer for him, even though he’s awful. That’s what I mean when I say Diane’s just become a mouthpiece for the writers. This scene is to show that Bojack is one of those awful powerful men that needs to be confronted, and the fact that it’s Diane doing it, the same person responsible for making Philbert “too likeable” says something about what the writers think about their main character. One gets the distinct impression that the earlier quote from Diane about Philbert is exactly how they think about Bojack. Given that, who do you think the people who excuse their behaviour because of Philbert are supposed to represent? Why do you think this season is so concerned with teaching us about how media normalises things? What we are watching is the writers confessing to realising how many people like Bojack, and them being afraid their audience is too stupid not to idolise and emulate him. So it has to be more obvious that Bojack is the bad guy, and believe me: they will make it very obvious in the next episode.

But first to wrap up Diane’s... I guess we should call it her “arc”. After angrily leaving the premier with her ex-husband she tops off the night by sleeping with him, despite his new girlfriend. Two episodes later it happens again. During the whole process she explodes several times about how bad it makes her feel, which prompts Mister Peanutbutter to ask:

Which she shoots right back at him. His answer is clear: because he loves her. But we never get an answer from her, and frankly: I would like one. It completely baffles me why she would do this. If her arc would’ve been more about her divorce perhaps this could’ve been explained. But as is it’s a shocking piece of hypocrisy that never gets addressed.

She does mention being a hypocrite and not knowing what she’s doing later on, but naturally there’s someone on hand to excuse her, since she isn’t a man.

Here Diane shows some much needed introspection, but she doesn’t really go into any specifics. What’s more, the final conversation between Bojack and Diane doesn’t even reference any of this. In fact there is no reason given for why she’s helping him beyond a simple “eh, we’re still friends”

What she should’ve said of course is that she realised she can never expect to truly forgive herself if she can’t also forgive him. All the pieces were in place, and it would at least have given all the previous scenes I talked about some kind of point. The execution would still have been awful, but at least I wouldn’t have to use quotation marks around the word arc. But no, we can’t have the author insertion character come off her moral high horse, no pun intended. She just has to do it because she is such an awesome friend.

So yeah, bit of a mess this character. I can almost discern the contours of a logical character progression, probably as it was originally intended. All the ideas were there: her being confused about where she stands with Mister Peanutbutter, being confronted with her own insecurities at the same time, and Bojack trying to get her to play ball with his shitty schemes and her finally putting her foot down. But Bob-Waksberg has admitted that changes were made to the story after they decided to play into the #metoo controversy going on at the time. I wonder if those changes involved sacrificing some parts of Diane’s arc, to give us the mangled corpse of a character arc that we see here.

The Whole Penny and Sarah Lynn Thing

The two main things thrown at the feet of Bojack in the fight with Diane are his involvement in the death of Sarah Lynn and his almost having sex with the daughter of his old friend. Let’s start with the more justified one. What happened between him and Penny was that Bojack, a way older man who should’ve known better, gave in for a moment to the avances of a seventeen year old girl and might have done something with her if her mother hadn’t walked in. Now, I can fully understand why Charlotte would be very angry about this, and why Bojack feels guilty about it. After all, he found something out about himself which wasn’t pretty. But what I never understood was Penny’s reaction to all of this. Specifically the moment in what is probably one of the most profound episodes of the whole series, That’s Too Much, Man!, in which they go to her college and Bojack almost literally stumbles into her. Her reaction to this is... quite bizar. She acts like a traumatised child stumbling into her abuser.

Keep in mind that this happened just last season. So how old is Penny now? Eighteen, maybe nineteen years old? No one says this about themselves just one year later. Never mind the fact that seventeen does not equal little child, I don’t buy that Penny had such a sudden leap in maturity. Maybe if it was ten years later and she had a lot more sexual experience, enough to know that sex can be a completely unromantic act to satisfy some urges sometimes. When she looks around and sees some seventeen year olds, and suddenly realises how young she was at the time, and then she realises she was taken advantage of and feels disgusted? Yeah, I’d buy that. But this is just nonsense. I thought so at the time as well, but I supposed it wouldn’t fit into the story line if we’d had to wait ten years for the revelation. What compounds it is this simple observation by Bojack himself.

And he’s right about that. Nothing actually happened. Sure, there were probably some exceptionally uncomfortable conversations between Penny and her parents afterwards, but I get the impression they worked it out between them. So at most I would expect Penny to look upon Bojack as a rather disgusting old man who she once, in a fit of youthful naïveté, felt attracted to. But this whole trauma angle stretches credulity. I was willing to put up with it as long as it was just another thing to weigh on Bojack’s conscience. The way he saw the incident up to this point was way more important than how it actually happened. After all, only he knows if he really would’ve gone through with it, or at least he thinks he knows. But now, because of the meta-commentary at work here, we as the audience are being scolded for not caring enough about Penny’s feelings by still rooting for Bojack. I’m sorry, but that’s where I draw te line. The reason I don’t care is because what you’re telling me makes no sense, and that’s not my fault.

On a side note: I do find it a bit rich that Diane essentially chastises Bojack for presumably intending to have sex with Penny, when in season one she was singing a rather different tune.

Whether you agree with that or not (I happen to think there’s a bit more to it than that) you have to acknowledge that it works both ways. Maybe Bojack is convinced deep down that he is capable of something like that, but until he actually does we’ll never know, and all we can judge him on are his actions. His actions don’t include sleeping with a seventeen year old girl. I wonder where the writers of season 5 stand on this, and if they realised this character inconsistency. Then again, I think we already established they didn’t really give a toss about Diane’s character this season.

Sarah Lynn then, the drug addict who overdosed on Bojack, thanks to Bojack. Or so we are led to believe. The truth of the matter is a lot more complicated I think. The only thing that Bojack bares the full responsibility for is him calling her up and asking if she’s up for going on a bender. Yes, that’s certainly not the most responsible thing to do, but she’d already revealed to Bojack she was fully intending on going back to doing drugs anyway. So let’s unpack the accusations regarding Sarah Lynn one by one.

So how was that his fault exactly? We see in one episode that her mother was right there on set with Sarah Lynn all the time. Sarah Lynn isn’t and never was his responsibility. The guilt he feels over that was more because of his inaction, which is understandable. Maybe he could’ve helped her, maybe not, but he probably should’ve tried. But when the only father figure in her life is an actor she works with then something has already gone terribly wrong, and not because of Bojack. The real reason it eats him up is probably because he cared about her and because he likes himself much more as a jovial dad than the grumpy washed-up celebrity he became, not because his actions led her to growing up the way she did.

When did that happen? Sarah Lynn never came to him for help. They accidentally ran into each other and after a little incident he immediately checked her into rehab. She refused to stay there though and came to Bojack to ask him if she could crash at his place. That’s the story, morning glory.

You could say it like that. Or you could say that she had sex with him. What’s the difference exactly? That Sarah Lynn was a washed up star, and addict who had a really rough childhood? All of that also applies to Bojack. Sarah Lynn wasn’t some wide eyed, innocent, naive, young thing. She was a grown woman in her thirties. Yeah, her and Bojack probably weren’t good for each other, but she came to him, remember? I can’t for the life of me think of a way of looking at this where Bojack was the one doing wrong to Sarah Lynn and not the other way around. Surely we aren’t supposed to think it’s because Bojack’s a man and Sarah Lynn a woman, right?

She seemed awfully eager to abandon her sober streak though. She lived in a house made of drugs with bottles stacked behind her calendar. Besides, as I said before, according to her she was planning on doing drugs again eventually.

But I get your point Diane. Maybe without Bojack this wouldn’t have happened. Maybe without Bojack she would still be alive. In any case it was pretty reckless of him to do that without any regards for her safety. So, where were her regards for his safety? Remember, he was an emotional wreck when he called her, and she didn’t give a damn. Under similar circumstances Bojack insisted she go to rehab, but she immediately agreed to take him on a bender and didn’t suggest to stop even when he started having severe blackouts. What if Bojack had died instead? Would Diane be giving this speech to Sarah Lynn now? Again, clearly these two weren’t good for each other, but I don’t see how Bojack was so much more responsible for this outcome than Sarah Lynn herself. How are “his actions” solely to blame for this? They were two damaged people doing stupid things together. Should he now feel guilty over having better luck than her?

Well yeah, Diane. What are you, some kind of psychopath? Of course it was rough for him. He was there and could’ve stopped it, but he failed her and so his friend died. That would be very rough on anyone, and especially on someone who is already emotionally crippled. This is what I mean when I say Diane really comes across as a spiteful bitch in this scene. Can you imagine rubbing someone’s face in their friend’s death, even when you’re angry with them? I sure can’t.

In the end I think it’s a good thing for the show that Bojack isn’t actually as horrible as he believes himself to be, or as this scene is trying to imply for that matter. Bojack is an arsehole, sure. He does stupid things sometimes, he does things that hurt other people. But generally those people choose to associate with him, and we see the sometimes twisted, but relatable rationale behind his actions. It’s a good thing that Bojack retains a certain degree of likeability that keeps us rooting for him. If not I probably wouldn’t have watched the entire show up until now. These two incidents were the most shocking ones that happened before this scene, and although we’ve been told before that Bojack is not the good guy of the story, the writers clearly haven’t dared making him the bad guy either. In the end they know what they’ve got with him. Even the climax of this season, although probably even more shocking than anything that came before, they didn’t pull of without leaving lot’s of wiggle room to excuse Bojack. Here, let me show you.

Bojack’s Big Break

Bojack’s arc this season is almost none-existent as far as I can see. We find out literally nothing new about him, and I don’t know how he’s supposed to have changed by the end of it. Maybe it’s because I don’t follow the logic behind anything that happens between him and Diane at the end, but I never had that problem in previous seasons. There are two main developments. The first is Bojack starting to conflict the fictional world of the character he plays on Philbert with the real world and his own life in it. The second is his related drug addiction which begins around the start of the season and drives most of the plot surrounding him.

For starters I would like to say how strange it is to see Bojack develop a debilitating drug addiction. Not because he would never touch the stuff, but because he would, and has, many times before. In fact, he’s been an addict for years by now, and it never seemed to affect him the way these pills do. What’s so special about them? I don’t know. Granted, I’ve never taken them, but are they really that potent that Bojack would rather drown himself in those things than just drinking his pain away, as usual? I know a lot of people don’t realise this because of its pervasiveness, but alcohol is just another drug, same as cocaine, meth and xtc.

So that’s the first problem. The second problem is an out of universe one: it doesn’t tie into any previous character development. It resolves nothing, nor does it really further anything, except Bojack going to rehab at the end of the season. Maybe there we can see some character development, but it would then just be another thing that season 5 sets up only to do nothing with. Given that it doesn’t really affect anything until episode 11, the whole thing feels like an artificial substitute for a character arc. More like a contrivance for the sake of the big climax than something that flows naturally from the themes and character. Well, maybe that’s a bit unfair of me. It only really feels like a contrivance at the climax itself, and only in light of everything else I’ve discussed. In all honesty this plot line is actually woven pretty well throughout the events of season 5, and it does come into play a few times. We see it slowly escalate from the point where almost no one seems to notice to a the complete breakdown of Bojack’s sanity at the end. The problem, once again, is that it doesn’t develop Bojack as a character in any way. This becomes very clear in the big whammer episode when it culminates into a violent outburst on set between him and Gina.

So, the strangling incident then. There are two contradictory motivations at work here on the part of the writers. first, Bojack needs the be firmly reestablished as the bad guy in the story. It needs to be shown that he will just keep doing more and more horrendous things as long as he’s allowed to have a career despite of it and never learn his lesson. The point is hammered home when he strangles his costar on set in a fit of rage. To be sure, it’s the most shocking thing we’ve seen him do so far. Naturally it destroys his relationship with her and when they see each other again she is understandably wounded and furious do to his actions. But something doesn’t add up here and the writers hint at it without even knowing it.

Would he though? Admittedly I’m no lawyer, but I’m pretty sure there are some mitigating circumstances in this scenario. Leaving the legal technicalities aside for a moment, what does our intuitive sense of justice say?

It’s clear from the weird, trippy blurring of fiction and reality in episode 11, the fact that Bojack doesn’t remember anything of it afterwards and the clear implication that he isn’t being himself in the heat of it, that he’s having some kind of drug induced psychotic episode. Considering that he himself brought it on by taking way too many of those pills he’s certainly not blameless. But there was no way to predict this woud happen. Bojack’s never been violent before, as far as we’ve seen. He’s also done a lot of drugs, but it’s never triggered any kind of psychotic break. Not to mention that he got hooked on the pills due to a doctor’s prescription, not because he tried to get high. So at the very least there’s a bit of a moral grey area. In fact, I would say it completely undermines the moral picture this episode tries to paint. Bojack didn’t do this because he’s a bad guy. He did it because his mind wasn’t functioning properly due to outside influence. So the message falls flat. Of course it does: it conflicts with the writer’s other motivation, the reason a scenario where Bojack wasn’t himself for a moment had to be concocted in the first place. If they hadn’t it would’ve completely alienated the entire audience from the main character of their show. As we’ve established that was a bridge too far, so this weird compromise has been put on the screen where we are both supposed hate Bojack but excuse him at the same time. It doesn’t work because those are two contradictory aims.

Let me take a moment to point out how weird this whole conversation is. Gina implies that there’s been no justice for her. Yeah, but the reason there was no justice is because you haven’t pressed any charges, despite overwhelming evidence in your favour. You didn’t, because you cared more about your career than about justice. Now don’t get me wrong, I think the indictment of celebrity culture and the whole Hollywood publicity machine in this scene is actually very well done. But of all the things to get angry about, why bring this up? The one thing you yourself are responsible for. I mean, for crying out loud!

While we’re on the subject, am I the only one that finds it weird how she describes the incident?

He did a little more than that, didn’t he? Just physically overpowering someone is what you do when you want to restrain someone from getting away, or doing something you don’t want them to. In some cases it might be for their own good even. What Bojack did was lay on top of her and strangle her with both hands. If that happened to me I would never describe it in those terms. I don’t know what exactly the intent was with choosing these words. Maybe it’s supposed to show how reluctant she is to talk about it. But it comes across as either an attempt to trivialise the whole incident, or to place any instance of a man overpowering a woman on the same level as what Bojack did.

There is, admittedly, a more charitable reading of the climax, namely as an indictment against Diane’s behaviour in the previous episode. While the theme of the season is evil men and their evil deeds, it also shows there are no easy solutions. Directly after Diane’s confrontation at the premier Bojack is shown to take a large dose of pills to cope. It’s implied that his drug problem only really gets out of hand after that. So while Diane’s outburst might be justified, her moral grandstanding is not the solution to the problem. In fact it only made things worse. The final conversation might make slightly more sense in that light as well. Though only slightly, and it doesn’t exactly fix any of the other problems I’ve mentioned so far. Still, I suppose I should take what I can get. Which reminds me...

You’re Adopted!

Of all the many things that irked me about this season by far the most egregious one, the one that really made me angry, came right at the end. It was the rather underwhelming conclusion to PC’s arc. Her adopting a child and becoming a single mother in the process. What irked me wasn’t the underwhelming part, or that it didn’t fit into her character development, because it did. No, it was the huge blow to my respect for her, and the way in which it was framed. It’s made to look like this happy ending for both mother and child, but it’s quite possibly the most selfish thing I’ve seen anyone do in this show, which is saying quite a lot. Not because of the adoption itself, but because of her choice of doing it as a single mother when a suitable father is available right there.

Now, I realise that this is what PC’s journey as a character has been building up to for quite a while. She’s had difficulties excepting help from other people. She’s also consistently pushed people away who didn’t need her as much as she needed them. In fact, the problem has been escalating as the series went on. First there was Rutabaga Rabitowitz, who was kind of a dick to her so it was probably a good thing to rid herself of his antics. Then there was Judah, who was nearly perfect in every way. She fired him for just one screw up. After that came Ralph, who did absolutely nothing wrong before she decided she needed to break up with him out of nowhere. Contrast that with the infinite number of chances she’s given Bojack over the years. Bojack can, at some points, barely function without her. That’s what PC needs in a relationship, any kind of relationship. Strong, independent people scare her, and she is completely incapable of accepting she might need help from anyone.

Now, all of those are interesting character flaws and serve to make her more sympathetic rather than less. That is, as long as she herself is the victim of them. But when an innocent child is dragged into it I can no longer sympathise. No matter what the personal demons you’re struggling with, when you take on the responsibility of raising a child you should do your best to put them aside. That’s the time to think about what’s best for the child, not about what you want out of it. To just brush of Ralph because “she’s made her plans” and he’s “not in them” is such a shallow reason to rob the child of the chance to have a father in its life. What, she’s going to take care of it when a lot of the time she’s already too busy to pay any attention to her personal life? Or is she waiting for someone better than Ralph to come along? 

I probably wouldn’t make such a fuss out of this if the framing wasn’t so horrible. I hoped I wasn’t imagining it at first. That’s when I saw a certain popular youtuber claim that it was clear she was going to handle single motherhood just fine. That’s just such a baffling thing to say, I don’t know where to start. Okay, I have huge respect for women who are thrust into single motherhood and rise to the occasion, making the best of a difficult situation. To willingly foist that upon your little family when there’s an easy alternative is not a sign of “self-sufficiency” however, but of sheer stupidity, ignorance, narcissism, or all of the above. Furthermore, PC’s problem has never been a lack of self-sufficiency. Quite the opposite in fact. Self-sufficiency is her drug. It’s what she uses to plaster over her other problems. So is taking care of others. Which brings us to the last point: I really doubt PC is doing this for the right reasons. With her compulsion chances are she’s taken on this responsibility to solve her own problems. That’s not how this works though. Couple that with the fact that she’s got plenty to do already, and I can’t see this turn into anything but a huge disaster. 

I don’t know if the showrunners are smart or honest enough to see the problems that should arise from this. I think they are, they’ve planted hints to that effect throughout season 5, but I’m not sure. Abandoning their female empowerment trip of late will certainly displease a few people. Showing the worst case scenario will be ugly and uncomfortable. Let’s hope the writing staff shows the same kind of bravery with that as they’ve done with showing Bojack’s debacles.

Conclusion

Well, if I think about it for a while I can undoubtedly find a lot more things to bitch about, but I think this will do. All in all I certainly can’t say I hate season 5, or that it was a bad season, but it was a huge step down. The main problems are that the characters just don’t progress naturally, or that their arcs are thin to the point of being almost non-existent. Not that everything that is there is bad, but it just doesn’t feel like enough to fill a whole season. It started out promising, but somewhere along the way the decision was taken to focus more on sending a political message than on where the character’s current journeys would take them and that was really to its detriment. All of the issues I mentioned in this piece could be fixed in season 6, in which case season 5 would become just a slightly too long buildup in hindsight. I do think the team behind Bojack has proven they have more than enough talent to bring this around. However, if Game of Thrones taught us anything it’s that no matter how good a show is in its first few seasons, it can always turn to shit later. Let’s hope Bojack Horseman is spared that fate. 

#bojack horseman #bojack season 5 #netflix

[glowwormsmith]

There's so many good prompts to choose from! I think I finally chose one though. I'd like to request #9 “You’re safe now. I’ve got you.” with John Seed x Fem!Deputy please! Thank you! :D

Thank you, anon! I hope I delivered on what you asked for! CW for: mild blood/gore, some suggestive talk (if you need tags let me know)

I’ve had shitty daysbefore, Rook thought, but this one takes the cake for sure. 

If she ever got out of thissituation, this would be one hell of a story to tell her kids. That is if shedidn’t bleed out all over the forest floor first.

It had started whenshe had been marked by John after blowing up his silos all over the valley. Shethen led the cult on a fun goose chase (well, fun for her at least) before she ranheadlong into a very angry grizzly. She barely escaped and found herselfstaggering away into the woods clutching her torn shoulder and ruined foot asher pursuers dealt with the beast. After limping past trees and losing blood,she found an abandoned home where she could recuperate. After all, there was still work to do and people to help.

She tripped upon theentrance-way and nearly fell face first, only catching herself clumsily on a nearby bookshelf that had certainly seen better days. A pained cry escaped her throat as her ankle twisted, but she kept it together. Grimacing, shepulled herself up, wincing and groaning as she found her sight blurring at theedges from the pain. Her chest was tight, and even breathing was beginning to be a struggle.

Stop…being weak…Head to…couch…She found herselfflopping onto the couch, leaning back against it as she gazed at her shoulder,foot forgotten. God…don’t let…that bebone…

While she was able to useher meager medical supplies to perform some field medicine, Rook knewthis wasn’t enough and she pulled out her radio to contact anyone out there.

Wished I…had brought someone along with me…no one knows… “H-Hello? An..yone outthere? I…I need some help.”

After some silence, avoice she really didn’t want to hear came on. “Well, Deputy, it seems your in a bit of a situation. Ready to come tome and confess?”

“Fuck…me…’course ithad to be…you,” she said, gritting out the words. “No, I’m…good, you canjust…gahh, fuckin’ ribs…”

“You don’t sound good. Where are you?” It may have been becauseof the blood loss, but she could have sworn his tone had become a bit lesssmarmy. More strained.

“A bear…attacked me. Gotmy shoulder, every…thing hurts…went into a house, no people. There’sa…cute piggy sign out front though…cute piggy…” She felt her eyes closingas she turned to look at the out-of-focus sign out front. “Fuck…guess I’lldie…good for you and your family, you…won…”

She thought she heardhim calling her name and angry, tense shouting coming closer, but it was harderto focus when she wanted to just close her eyes and drift off.

It’s better this way…no more cult, no more Seed’s, no moreresponsibility or guilt or being everyone’s hero…

Rook’s eyes eventuallyopened to an unfamiliar ceiling, sight still blurry. She felt sore, but not in overwhelming pain like previously.Her body was heavy, but comfortable and it took her cloudy mind to realize shewas on a bed in a relatively dark, small room. As her senses were coming backto her, she realized her arms were tied together to the bed post and her ruinedfoot was bound in a cast.

God really is cruel, huh? As soon as she was putting two and twotogether, the door opened and she felt her stomach churn when she saw thefamiliar face strode in.

“Ah, Sleeping Beauty hasfinally awoken,” John said, approaching the bed with a smirk. He was way toocheery about all this. “Here I was worried the Bliss concentration given to youwas too much, but the Lord truly delivers.”

As Rook tried to pullherself up, wincing from the pain in her shoulder and chest, she felt himgently push her down.

“Don’t push yourself.You have at least three broken ribs, a damaged shoulder that needed severalstitches, and a sprained foot. You’ll just end up hurting yourself even more.”

She tried to mumble outa “fuck you,” but her tongue felt like lead, so she simply opted for a raised,shaky middle finger, barely formed from her tied-up hands.

“Charming. You should bethanking me for saving your life, you know,” John said, letting out a wistfulsigh. “That wrath of yours will be the death of you if you continue acting thisway.” He then walked over to a table and pulled out a small box.

Shit, here it comes. Rook did her best to move away from John as he camecloser. “D-Don’t…”

“Stop squirming. I’m simply changing your bandages. Or do you want one of the followers whose family orfriends you slaughtered to actually do the treatment?”

Rook looked to see thatit was a medical kit and John was holding bandages. He helped her sit up and shereluctantly agreed. Upon realizing she was only in a white cotton bra and plainshorts (definitely not her ruined, ratty one), in front of one of her greatestenemies, she attempted to pull the sheets over her.

“Don’t tell me the greatDeputy is too coy to let anyone see her like this?” John said, smirk returningas his eyes trailed a bit over her body. A sharp glare from Rook caused him tolift his hands, his manner softening. “I’m hurt you’d think I would do anythingunseemly. I am just trying to help; may I proceed?”

She sighed, realizingshe wouldn’t get better quicker and escape if she put up too much of astruggle. She nodded and allowed herself to relax, though her gaze was stillwary. As John tended to her injuries, the only sound being his soft hummingthat Rook did find (reluctantly) soothing, she cleared her dry throat andasked, “Why?”

“Hmm? I do have someexperience with patching injuries up and I don’t exactly trust others to dothis job right…”

She shook her head. “No,I mean…why help me? You could’ve let me die. Get rid of a huge problem. WhenI get better, I’ll just go right back into stopping you and your family’splans. So why…you in love with me or something?” she added the last partjokingly.

John scoffed indignantlyas he finished up his task, but Rook could have sworn she saw his cheeks turn abit pink. He’d almost be dashing andsweet if not for the whole insane cultist gig.

“Don’t be absurd;falling for a hellcat like you? Ihave standards, and Joseph would never allow it. But if you think you canescape your atonement for all that you’ve done through death, you have thewrong idea. And don’t think I’ll let you leave now that I have you. Once youget better, the confession will begin. I think you’ll be more…willing as wespend some quality time together as you heal. I believe you’ll be begging to embrace the Power of Yes inno time.”

It was Rook’s turn toscoff as John stood up, med kit in his hands and still smiling smarmy. Shecould feel her throat tightening once more as she cursed her currentpredicament. “And here I thought you actually had a shred of human compassionand decency. Too bad, and here I might have grown fond of you.”

A small snort oflaughter came from John as he laid a hand on top of her head. While she tensedup from his touch, she didn’t shake it off as she held eye contact with him,trying to be tougher than she felt.

“There’s nothing toworry about, Deputy. You’re safe now. I’vegot you,” he said, an odd glint in his eyes that made Rook gulp.

Yeah, I feel safer already.

#here it is #my first piece of writing here on tumblr #only took me four years but i did it #hope you liked it anon #far cry 5 #fc5 #john seed #deputy rook #john seed x deputy #it's not that shippy though sorry

[ick25]

Rockman.EXE Episode 43 Review.

Ahhh! Where did that woman come from?!

Hi everyone, we have stumbled across the third episode that was never aired outside of Japan, why is that? I don’t know, but let’s try to find out.

Oh man, I know nothing about baseball, this episode is gonna eat me alive! T.T

We start the episode in Netto’s house one evening where he and Rockman are focused on a baseball game.

Aren’t they adorable? But now I’m curious, is Rockman watching from the same TV as Netto or he is live streaming it online? It could be a live streaming because we also see Dekao watching the same game from his computer.

Maybe Dekao doesn’t have cable?

They are watching a player name Hoshida Kyuuma who surprises everyone with a homerun. Both Netto and Rockman cheer for the player as he runs the bases making some famous gesture he has of scratching his nose, something that Netto copies before the title screen appears.

Nihon Senators? It’s not bad, but at least make up something creative, there is a real Japanese team called the Ham- Fighthers after all.

The next day, Netto greets Dekao and Tohru on his way to school taking part in the stereotypical guy exchange of “did you catched the game last night?” With Meiru and Roll stereotypically uninterested in the subject.

“Next thing your gonna say is that cars are cool”

At school, Mariko-sensei introduces a new student to everyone who just so happens to have the same last name as the baseball player they saw last night.

Geez, what a depressing looking kid. He looks sadder than Tohru’s picture in the N-1.

After introducing this new character, we then cut to them at P.E. where Netto and the rest of the class are playing, coincidentally, baseball.

Uhg, somehow Dekao in sports cloths looks fatter than usual.

Netto is at the bat, Dekao is the pitcher and Yaito is the catcher who makes hand signals to the pitcher behind the batters back. Looks like Netto sucks a this because Yaito kicks him out after calling Dekao a cheater and only getting two strikes.

I never thought I would miss their Navis commentating. It feels boring watching them on their own for so long, especially doing something unrelated to the net.

Mariko-sensei models her pink sweatsuit as she calls the new kid at the bat. Dekao is confident in his pitch, but Kyuuta shuts him off by hitting a homerun and surprising everyone.

As Kyuuta runs the bases and scratches his nose, Mariko-sensei reveals to everyone that he is the son of the baseball player Hoshida Kyuuma.

This is enough to make him “mister popular” since Netto and his friends start talking to him.

“So... Do you like Net Battles?”

He doesn’t seem happy with all this attention since he suddenly stands up after Yaito mentions his dad being transfered from another team.

Turns out Kyuuta is sad because he misses his friends since he is sitting alone after school looking at a baseball covered in signatures and starts crying. Netto walks in and asks him if he wants to walk home together (lucky bastard), but he ignores him and accidentally drops his baseball that rolls over to Netto’s feet. Netto picks it up and then notices that Kyuuta was crying.

Wish I had someone like Netto ask me to walk home together back when I was in elementary school. Sure, it’s dangerous for kids to walk home by themselves in Costa Rica and my house was pretty far, but I was a very lonely child, okay? :c

Kyuuta wipes his tears and just leaves Netto with the baseball. In the next scene we see Kyuuta arriving at his house.

You should answer when your mom asks you a question! I can never get away with that!

I wanna point out something first. This anime is not the best at portraying good mom characters, you know how I constantly call Netto’s mom a useless woman? Well this one right here I’m gonna call her... Sad face woman in the corner. It seems cruel, but believe me, you’ll see why.

We see Kyuuta sulking in his room when Netto and his friends arrive at his house to return the baseball he dropped. Kyuuta just puts on his shoes and tells him that he doesn’t want that ball anymore and runs out of the house.

See? She did it again.

Anyway, as Kyuuta is running in front of the sunset, his mom tells everyone that he is sad because he is constantly changing schools because of his dad getting transfer to other teams, but in the last school he was in he made friends with the kids in a baseball team and had to leave them behind to go to Akihara.

Kyuuta’s dad overhears this and gets all fired up for some reason while the mom does what she does best and goes hide behind a corner to cry.

THIS is when you realize this episode is not to be taken seriously. It is obvious that they are making fun of something. I would say this is a satyre of sports anime, but since the only sports anime I know is Captain Tsubasa I’m not really sure if there are others like that one.

So Netto and his friends along with Kyuuta’s parents find him and say that everything is alright since they figured out a way of solving his problem, by using the net!

They tell Kyuuta to go to a stadium where he finds his friends from the baseball team on a huge screen. They ask him to play baseball with them, Kyuuta doesn’t understand what they mean and that’s when Netto and all his friends including Tohru, Higure-san and the Net Agents, explain to him that thanks to the internet and some super special equipment installed in that stadium, they can play baseball using their Navis.

And of course Kyuuta just happens to have a Navi name Leagueman, but I have no idea why he has restrains.

Right before commercials we see Dekao planning to get his revenge against Kyuuta as we see Gutsman in a baseball uniform at the bat, only to return with Midorikawa as the commentator and Gutsman getting three strikes in a matter of seconds.

Aren’t they just balls if the batter doesn’t swing?

So yeah, in this episode we get to see some of our favorite Navis, and Glyde, playing baseball and wearing uniforms. Skullman is up next where we can see how the field switches from humans to Navis.

But I can’t tell if they are like holograms or if there is a seperate cyberworld for them with the same field.

Skullman proves to be a good player because of his speed and attempts to steal the bases as Glyde is next at the bat. Leagueman quickly get the upper hand by making Glyde strike out before Skullman can steal all the bases.

Thumbs up at Glydes pants.

Now it’s Woodman’s turn at the bat, but he quickly gets three strikes off screen and Saloma confesses that she have never played baseball before, to which Miyuki replies with annoyance as we see Skullman’s image break down and regenarating into Miyuki standing on the same base.

Again, making it very confusing how the set up is suppouse to be like.

Now we get Midorikawa naming the line up for the Akihara team.

Rockman looks so cute in that uniform! But I don’t understand why Gutsman has a plant in his mouth, is that like the Japanese version of the old gag of baseball players chewing tabacco?.

Roll-chan is the pitcher, and yes, she throws like a girl, and maybe that’s the reason why most of the balls she throws are hitted.

The batter hits the ball, but luckily the cute shortstopper catches it for her.

Their interactions are just so cute.

Now, if you are a baseball expert, unlike me, then get ready for to see how crazy Navi baseball can be.

The batter hits the ball, but it’s too high for Numberman to reach it, so Woodman creates a platform for Numberman so he can stop the ball and “pass it” to Skullman.

Kyuuta’s father, who is with Midorikawa at the commentator booth, praises their teamwork, a confused Midorikawa asks him if that is allowed, but then she gets this.

Thanks to the subs and by searching on google I figured out that this guy is actually doing a play on words. “Ari” is also used to affirm something in a sentence and he dresses up as an ant because Ari also means ant in Japanese.

We get more Navi baseball madness when Iceman freezes a ball to catch it and throw it at Woodman.

“Ant, I mean, yes.”

I haven’t seen these many fouls in a sports game since Space Jam.

Now the moment we’ve all been waiting for, it’s finally Rockman’s turn at the bat! Yaaaaaaaaay!

Save me from this nonsense, Rockman!

The humans are replaced by their Navis, and is it just me or is Netto and Rockman’s art a little diferent in the last panels? Either that or they suddenly got dirty

Leagueman does a ballet pose and throws the ball in a weird way, Rockman is ready to hit it, but the ball suddenly splits in two.

Rockman get’s his first strike. Midorikawa asks Kyuuma what just happened, he explaines that it’s a move called the “Mayor ball”. Leagueman put pressure into the ball and mixed with the sand from his kick created an illusion of a second ball. That’s quality BS right there, and WHY THE HELL IS HIS LINEART SUDDENLY DIFERENT IN THIS SHOT?

It’s like seeing an Archer crossover. o_o

What is the meaning of the dragon vs tiger scene? Because this also happend in episode 40.

Leagueman throws the ball again and Rockman gets a second strike. You would think that this time he would go for the first ball, but they reused the animation from before.

 After their second stike Rockman and Netto figured out a way of outsmarting this move, if they can’t tell which ball is real then they’ll just have to hit both with this over the top anime scene.

If Rockman wears pants, does it still count as a butt shot?

Rockman hits a homerun and Leagueman praises him after he runs the bases, but then Commander Beef ruins the moment by anouncing that it is Sharkman’s turn at the bat and then getting three strikes.

It looks like Sharkman is bitting his tongue. :P

Then Higure pushes the commander out of the way to plug in Numberman, and what a surprise, he gets three strikes as well. So in short, everyone sucks except for Rockman.

We then get various shots of the rest of the game and for some reason a close up of Gutsman’s jaw plant.

Oh great, Rush is there too, now I definitely have no idea if this shot is from the real world or the cyberworld.

The series of pictures ends with Roll-chan looking tired and Midorikawa telling us how it looks so far.

I have no idea what she just said, but I guess that is baseball talk for “Akihara team is losing, and with Leagueman at the bat they are pretty much screwed”

But worrry not since Akihara still has their secret weapon, Rockman! With Rush calling to change the pitcher because apperantly he’s the coach now.

I did some research, and it seems to me that the shortstop position is kinda important, so why the hell is Rush a better option than Roll?!

So once again Rockman, Netto and now Leagueman’s lineart changes, (along with a coloring mistake on Rockman’s neck) Rockman pitches and Leagueman gets two balls, not strikes, balls.

Rockman throws the ball a third time breaking Leagueman’s bat.

I don’t know if that counts as anything. Has this ever happen in baseball?

Now get this, since Leagueman’s bat is broken, Kyuuta’s dad leaves the commentator booth to give HIM some special red bat he had with him and says how Netto and the others are very good friends to him since they are giving him a good game.

Those last shots just made things even more confusing! Can he see Rockman standing there or was he just looking at Netto the whole time?

Kyuuta accepts the bat from his dad that somehow ends up in Leagueman’s hands and we get this last shot of sad face woman in the corner watching from afar as always.

Still, she cares more about her son than Netto’s useless mom does for him. She even came to watch him play, so this is the best mom I’ve seen in this show which is pretty sad if you think about it. 

Rockman pitches one last time with the whole dragon vs tiger background again, where Leagueman finally hits the ball and it’s a homerun!

And of course he has to break a light with that homerun, or is it a cyber light? IDK O.O

Leagueman runs the bases scratching the nose he doesn’t have, Netto congratulates kyuuta and the episode ends with Midorikawa announcing Kyuuta’s team as the winners. Oh, and a little sceane with Rush losing to a Metool virus.

Admit it, by good players you just mean Rockman.

My thought?

This episode was crazy! A little confusing, but fun to watch. It’s nice to see some of the characters play a casual game of Baseball because its something diferent to what we normaly see. The episode was obviously a satyre of sports animes (Again, I dont know any sports anime besides Captain Tsubasa), the overdramatic characters, the over the top animation, the art style, the firing up thing that happend like four times in this episode mostly from Kyuuta’s dad, and maybe other things that I didn’t catch.

This episode is indeed a filler, but that can’t be the only reason why this episode was never dubbed. So I made up these criterias to figure out the reason why it didn’t aired in America.

1. Was an important new character introduced that will appear in future episodes?

2. Does it introduce a new game, style or battle system that fits in with the theme of the show and will be mentioned again?

3. Will the dubbing for this episode be worth the effort?

Let me explain using episode 40 as an example. With the first criteria, even though Torakichi and Kingman never appear again in future episodes, they were still considered important characters in the Battle Network series, especially since the purpose for the episode was to promote the upcoming Battle Network 3 game.

Yes and no for the second criteria. It fits the theme of the show because it combines Net Battles with chess, but it is not mention again.

And for the third criteria, it was not hard to dub, there was no reason to explain Net Chess Battles because we already know how Net Battle works and Chess is already world wide knowen as a game.

Now for this episode. First, no. Kyuuta, leagueman, his parents and his baseball friends are not important in any way and are never seen again. 

Second, it was just baseball. Even though we saw the Navis used their abilities during the game, it was still baseball. It did not have Net Battle rules and it is never mentioned or seen again.

And third, it was not worth the effort to dub. Trying to explain how Navi Baseball worked, especially since Japan didn’t do a good job in explaining it, would’ve required unecessary effort. They would have skipped the ant joke, but how would they explain how the Navis seemed to be in the real world? It was terrible confusing because it is the first time we see something like this on the show. People would get curious to see this again only to find out that this was a one time thing.

So that’s strike three and this episode is out of the dubbed version!

#Rockman.exe #megaman.exe #MegaMan NT Warrior #megaman battle network #anime #dub vs sub #anime review #my reviews

[nebula-starlight]

Virus (Part 4 - Asylum)

Her eyes glowed bright green in the mirror’s reflection, despite her best efforts to will them back to the soft topaz they were supposed to be. Work was coming up and she couldn’t afford to call in sick again. She’d lose her job if she did that once more and she needed the money. Rent wasn’t cheap near the clinic after all.

The low gurgle of her stomach drew Narssia from her thoughts and she grimaced, lifting a shaky paw to her chest. Was it indigestion? She hadn’t exactly eaten anything this morning... having felt a bit off. Oh no.

She threw herself over the washbasin, heaving until her entire body ached. Well that settled the debate about work. There was no way she’d go in now. Letting a few strands of saliva drip from her jaws as she panted, a low glitchy chuckle echoed in her ears for a brief moment before vanishing.

Waiting a few more minutes to see if the feeling passed, she sighed and left the bathroom, using the tip of her tail to flip the switch that emptied the filled basin. She’d fill it back up with water later but not now, not with her head spinning. Why had she gotten sick? It made no sense... There was nothing she’d done that would have prompted such a reaction.

Retreating to her den, she picked a chair and curled up in it, staring blankly into the unused fireplace beside her. The feeling would pass, she was sure. If not...

Well she knew what do to.

Bright lights shone briefly in one of her eyes as Narssia slowly returned to consciousness, hearing the distorted, warbled sounds of far-away voices. When had she drifted off? Not that it mattered too much now when she just wanted to sleep. Why wouldn’t they leave her alone?

“She’s coming around. Give her room.”

She knew that voice, the one that broke through with an almost crystal clear quality. Chills ran along her back, terror flooding through her system as the long buried memories rammed into her waking consciousness. No, no, no! Why was it him?! That drake was the last individual she wanted to see now. She ran away from him. She... She’d fought hard to free herself from his web of lies.

But still those feelings remained... How hard claws smacked against her snout, tearing open skin as the pain only made her want to curl up in a ball and disappear. He always screamed at her, demanding she toughen up. The world wouldn’t accept a weak little shadow-breather even though she was trying her best to be brave.

Stop crying! Those black scales you’ve got only give others the impression there’s a cold, heartless monster underneath. You want that, don’t you? To feel strong... powerful even.

She trembled, straining herself to move, to run, to do anything! Still her wings remained limp behind her back and her limbs stayed shackled to the bed for protection. Not this Hell again. Anything but this. They couldn’t see the scars... The past attempts to get rid of that thing growing inside. But she couldn’t move and the routine nightmarish memories she struggled with were bad enough but to relive it...

No, she couldn’t go through that again. There had to be a way out before she started to spiral down into the darkness of her mind. She just had to think...

You’ll be cured in no time, my dear. All those silly little fears will be nothing more than wisps of fleeting thoughts. Soon there will only be the two of us. Together.

“Unusually high... brain activity, Doc. Should we... drug...?”

Her eyes flew open, panic clouding over any and all vision as the whitewash walls of the hospital sent her heart racing in her chest. No exams! She thrashed against the chains holding her down, screaming until her voice broke in repressed anger and fear. No proper drakes trying to fix her. She wasn’t broken! There was nothing... wrong with her.

It was all in her head. It had to be! No one deserved to see her like this. She wasn’t worth anyone’s time. Even the drake had finally spat those words in her face before she...

Oh Ancients! Don’t make her confess it. It was all an accident. He- He pushed her too far. No, no, no... her tail wasn’t covered in blood as the sounds of several pairs of clawed feet thundered up stairs outside his apartment. The noise of the brief struggle had been heard despite her best intent to silence him without a peep.

She confronted him. Marched right up and ripped out his heart, blood splattering over the expensive carpet of his flat as her tailtip dipped into the oozing crimson fluid dripping down his chest and then curled around his neck. Fixing one dark iris on him with a frustrated hiss, she snapped his neck at the same time she crushed the organ in her paw, relishing the satisfying squish it gave before she threw the ruined smear across the room to smack against the locked wooden door.

So many promises... He promised to treat her, cure her even. When that failed he said he loved her and wanted to toughen her up. Well he certainly did that... although likely not how he expected. Now that monster had left yet another mark on her soul, one she tried again and again to purge.

Poison hadn’t worked. Alcohol hadn’t worked - although it gave her an awful hangover the next day though. Every glance she dared to take at her scarred, swelling underbelly filled her with such self-loathing as the months passed. Oh she knew exactly why she’d gotten sick and why her energy was all but gone, there was nothing she wanted more than to rip it right out of her body. Who cared if she tried a dozen other ways to be rid of that hellspawn growing in her lower abdomen!

“Let me go!” She screeched, trying once more to move as flickers of tiny little green lights darted by the corners of her vision. “I’m not crazy, I swear. Don’t send me back there. Don’t... do that...”

Her jerky attempts at escape slowed before stopping, head rolling slightly to one side as a heavy sigh came from her left. A single, slightly stained claw brushed against the bottom of her jaw gently to check her pulse as the weary blue eyes of the doctor glanced over at the young male sitting down in the far corner of the room awaiting news. He was lucky someone had found her so quickly this time around judging by her extensive chart. Now she wasn’t out yet but they at least had her stabilized. Last thing anyone wanted was a half-crazy healer out on a vengeful warpath...

“Ease there girlie, you may not think so but we won’t hurt ya... Pretty lucky that you have attentive co-workers.” He looked up, spotting movement outside the small individual room in the clinic’s psych wing before continuing softly to the one who brought her in. “Poor ‘ness has had emotional problems for a long while. Last I spoke with her previous doctor they thought she was on the right medicine to even her out. Hmm, I wonder what caused a flare up this bad?”

The sound of the hospital room door opening seemed to take the doctor’s attention away for a moment. Stepping inside, the aged silver dragoness politely bowed before starting forward as the young orange drake excused himself and left to allow the two experts some time alone.

“The team I sent to her location of residence after she arrived found a note on her bed that was addressed by a Geer Stormbringer. Should we try to get in touch with him? Maybe he knows what set her off?”

The lead doctor hummed softly in thought as he lightly stroked the side of her snout to encourage her to fade on off to sleep. “That would be the best course of action right now, Silvia. We’ll keep her under for a bit until things can be sorted out.”

The night air was cool when she woke, blinking sleep from her eyes as she yawned. How long had she been out? Running her tongue along her teeth, she thought it was odd they felt moist as though she’d eaten something recently. Moving a forepaw, she felt the squish of something soft and slowly glanced down, finding her paw covered in blood. Beside her lay a half-eaten carcass, the shape draconian in nature. No...

She shuddered, the soft crackle of static buzzing in the background as she pushed herself back onto her hind legs, frantically trying to get her limbs under her so to run. Where was she? It wasn’t home if the wooded area was any indication. Was she losing her mind? Sure the thought had crossed her mind in the past to seek revenge but she wasn’t a violent creature. Drawing blood just wasn’t in her nature... at least she thought so.

Getting to her feet, she shakily stood, curious about the corpse as she crept closer. It was difficult to tell but she thought its scales were purple and its eyes... No, no, no, why?!

Those wide open gray eyes were ones she knew, expression fixed in a terrified scream. Geer’s past letters to her had mentioned a lovely little female healer by the name of Melvise if she was right... No, there was no connection linking the two, was there? How would she have even known what the dragoness looked like?

‘Someone’s not real fond of the monster they are, huh? Figures you good-for-nothings are all hypocrites. Hiding behind that perfect little facade...’

The soft chuckle of laughter caught her attention immediately, recognizing the voice somehow even though she was certain she’d never heard it before. Still she stood, glancing uneasily at the corpse before shying away from it.

“Who are you?”

‘Honestly, the static didn’t give it away? Sheesh, with how messed up your mind is it makes me look like a damn saint...’ The humor dropped from the mysterious voice, a chill running through the air as Narssia pressed her wings closer to her body. ‘Turns out I need to make my appearance known before I can fully possess you. Sucks for you then ‘cause I’m not the most... No, you know what? I’ll just show you what I mean.’

Her eyes went wide, fear crawling up along her spine as she shuffled backwards from the dead dragon. “Um, do I have a choice here? Cause I’d rather not.”

‘How cute. You think you have a say here... Such a pity I need you alive then. I was really looking forward to killing someone today.’

The ground suddenly went dark, eerie green lines of code appearing all around her and glowing as Narssia panicked and tried to fly away. All she managed to do was unfurl her wings before shadowy tendrils wrapped around her legs to pin her in place.

An amused chuckle was all she earned for her efforts. ‘Yeah, good try there but not real successful.’

The most awful sound split the air, reminding the healer of a screaming group of hatchlings as she saw the creature drop to the floor right in front of her. It was primarily skeletal, with a large gash further distorting its neck as the wyvern-like look had no wing structure other than the main permanent bone and thin claws that acted like her own foretalons. Two empty eye sockets blazed with bright green light and a large almost jewel-like gem sat in the top of its chest.

She hadn’t studied about the past ancestors of dragonkind for many years but was she looking at a fallen, a Shadowling some preferred to call them even? The appearance would fit what little she remembered...

‘You know what I am. Consider me impressed, for once,’ the glitch purred, voice humming with the soft crackle of static underneath. ‘My goal however is a bit more complex...’

“What... What happened to your body? I thought most fallen lost their forms but you....” Shock loosened her tongue, making her spit out whatever came to mind. Shaking her head to try and reign herself back in, Naris met the intense gaze of the spirit for a brief moment before shuddering in fear and looking away.

‘Repulsive, I know. Blame the one hanging with that drake you like. It’s not something I enjoy talking about.’ The creature crawled closer, using its wing-claws to move forward as Narssia was finally able to retreat, immediately backing away in fear. ‘And don’t deny your feelings for Geer. I’ve been in your head long enough to realize that much. Intriguing to think he could pull you free from all those chains wrapped tightly around your mind. Some shadow-breather indeed...’

The dragoness shuddered again, memories surfacing to remind her of all the reasons why being with Geer wouldn’t work. He didn’t deserve to deal with her brokenness on top of his own issues. Yes she was aware of his disability but found herself in awe at his dedication to his job. If only she was that brave...

‘Come now, you broke the dude’s neck and crushed his heart. Pretty impressive if you ask me.’

“I didn’t,” she hissed back, lifting a paw to her chest as her steps slowed. “I never meant to hurt anyone. What do you want with me anyway? Besides my body I imagine.”

The glitch snorted, eyes rolling in their empty sockets. ‘Body and mind, dearie. Can’t have one without the other - otherwise you’d be dead right now.’

“And if I refuse to let you in?”

‘Oh you know exactly what’ll happen. Those pretty little terrors trapped up in that head of yours want to play and who would I be if I didn’t push things along a bit.’ One skeletal wing rose, pointing directly at Narssia’s skull as the fallen snickered. ‘Choice is yours, missy.’

Well that wasn’t what she expected to hear. Actually no, she somehow knew that would be the response. Her uninvited guest didn’t seem like it played fair anyway.

With a sigh she stopped in her tracks, tail swishing around her hind legs. “Do you have a name?”

‘I did. Once. But you don’t deserve to know it.’ The spirit growled, body dissolving away into a glitchy black and green mist before it swirled around Narssia predatorily. ‘Neither did he for that matter. All talk of serving for the greater good and everything left ‘em with what? A stained core that started to crack long before he... No, I won’t say it.’

“You don’t have to say it. He slit your throat, right?” Narssia felt the mist glide over her back without giving a response, teasingly swirling over her horns in a manner that made her decidedly uneasy.

‘Why should I tell you anything about myself? Here I was denied my chance at having a family but you...‘ Invisible claws stroked her snout, digging into her skin as the glitch’s words turned bitter and malicious. ‘You are far too happy to destroy yourself, trying everything to purge the last reminders of that vile doctor from your body. Speaking of which, did you enjoy my little gift? It wasn’t difficult to fish up the memories of how he sounded. How each touch left your pretty little body aflame. Deny it all you want... but you envied him, didn’t you?’

Despite herself Narssia had leaned in towards the contact, too drained to properly realize what was going on. She craved touch but yet, held herself back so often out of fear she’d get hurt again. Was that why she’d fallen so quickly for him? Every nice compliment had soothed the burns scarring her fragile heart until she gave in and let him “help” her. It hadn’t been to her benefit at all...

“Go ahead,” she muttered, closing her eyes as the glitch slid over her shoulders. “Torture me all you want. I’m not important to anyone.”

‘Ooh, abandonment issues as well. How did I get so lucky?’ The soft chuckle filled the air as Narssia stood there in silence, awaiting the next horrible bout of night terrors that would surely come her way. ‘Fret not, my dear. Soon no one will be able to break you ever again. All you need to do is say three simple words and I’ll take the pain away.’

“Just let me drown in guilt...”

The green sparks within the mist crackled, shock prompting the next words from the glitch. ‘Come now... Don’t you want release? I can give you that and still keep those precious ones alive.’

Dark irises slowly slid open, half hidden by her eyelids. “Not what I want...” Her head lifted slightly, fixing one topaz eye on the pixelated cloud before she started forward with increasingly confident steps. There was a certain raspiness present in her voice, kept low but firm. “I decide when to fall apart on my own terms, Glitch. Pester me all you want. Break open every scarring memory if you desire and see where it gets you! I’m flawed, I know that, but I don’t need a constant reminder of the darkness that lies buried within.”

She glared at the spectre as they came nearly snout to energy cloud, her eyes filled with tears of her own self-hatred. “Never will you ever reduce me to a state where I beg for your kind of release. That isn’t freedom, it’s enslavement and I refuse to be a slave again. Now get out of my head before I make you.”

‘You really shouldn’t have said that... I would have been merciful otherwise but now, you’ll only have yourself to blame when you come crawling to me in defeat.’

The dark hiss she received as the glitch vanished in a burst of green sparks made Naris feel better about her decision, only to then wonder what hell would await her because of it. Had she just sentenced herself to torture unlike any she’d known before? The Shadowling had seemed almost frustrated that she would reject the new life that was growing inside of her but maybe she could use that to her advantage somehow...

She had to hold on! Maybe something would break her free before she succumbed to the darkness it offered. No matter what she couldn’t let that monster get the better of her.

Shadows swirled around her feet, the looming outline of the dead- no, corrupted wyvern trailing behind her as she started to walk, static softly crackling through the air in reminder of who’s domain she was really in. Just survive, Narssia repeated to herself with each shaky step she took. That’s all she could afford to do now...

#virus #virus/corrupt #tw: gore #tw:self harm #tw: blood