#also i am not joking there are tears leaving my face THAT MOVIE JUST GIVES ME EMOTIONS

[hoasvuon]

(3:42 AM)

It’s 3:42 AM and you and Taehyun are sitting at a diner booth, ordering breakfast because as you told him, “Breakfast is a social construct and I refuse to let my life be run by society’s rules.”

There’s a feeling Taehyun can’t put his finger on. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s so early in the morning, or the fact that the lights in the diner light up your face in a way that makes it seem like you’re in a black and white movie, illuminating your features. All he can do is focus on the smallest details about you, how you drum the edge of the table as you’re waiting for your food, how you tuck your hair behind your ear, how you are gazing out the window in a way that makes him think that maybe there is something nostalgic out there that he simply can’t see. You reach out to grab the ice water the waitress had given you, holding it in between two hands, and he knows that in a few seconds, you’ll complain about how your hands are cold now (but he won’t mind because it gives him an excuse to hold your hands in between his and blow warm air on them).

Even when the waitress comes with your dishes, he can’t place the feeling he gets when he looks at you. But he’s jolted out of his thoughts when he hears you talking to yourself.

“Oh no”, you mumble sadly, “I put too much ketchup on my eggs, now they’re ruined”

He looks down and sees that, yes, there is quite a large spot of ketchup on your scrambled eggs, far too close to your pancakes, and he knows that though you might be slightly joking, you also will feel a bit sad later in the morning.

Without hesitation, he reaches over with his spoon and scoops up some of the ketchup, leaving just the amount he knows you like. He places it on a stray napkin, and as he looks back up, you have a small smile on your face. 

“Thank you, you say. “I lo-“, you close your mouth quickly and look down at your plate, and let out a small cough. You hadn’t said those words before, and it seemed like 3 AM in a random diner might not be the best place. 

Taehyun looks at you, and how you hold your fork a bit tighter in your hand, a habit you picked up from childhood. He sees how you place the tiniest of salt on your hash browns because even if they’re perfectly seasoned, you feel unsettled without doing it. How, inevitably, you’ll end up giving your bacon to him because even though you insist you like bacon, you don’t, and always refuse to replace it because you know he loves bacon and you want to give him yours. He thinks about all these little things he knows about you that make you you, and how he is utterly, irreversibly, completely enamored with you. And he realizes, how utterly, irreversibly, completely in love with you. 

"I love you", Taehyun blurts out, “I love you too.”, he says the second as a bit of an afterthought, as if to make sure that you love him as well.

It’s a bit of a scary feeling, knowing that one person holds the key to your entire being, and trusting them not to destroy you. But, Taehyun thinks, everyone in this world will end up hurt one way or another. And that no matter what fights the two of you get into, how many small arguments have happened, he could never truly be upset with you. You could tear him apart and he would be okay with it because it’s you. He can’t help but think that if you were the one to hurt him, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

You look at him, a bit surprised but with a soft smile on your face, and eyes crinkling at the edges. You nod, and respond, “I love you too.” He sees how you’re smiling to yourself even though you are looking down at your plate, avoiding his gaze. 

The world is still spinning, and outside people are walking by the window, unaware of the blossoming feelings of first love. But it’s 3:48 AM in a random diner, and Taehyun thinks to himself, he’s in love.

#txt #txt x reader #txt drabble #taehyun x reader #kang taehyun #txt fluff #txt taehyun #txt scenarios #taehyun fluff

[mingyus-blackcard]

ੈ✩‧₊ One Step ੈ✩‧₊

Pairing : Seunghan x Gn! Reader

Genre : Idol au, Angst

Song : Happier than ever ( rock version) by Billie Eilish

TW: Depression, cyber bullying, idol life , suide

A/N : This is a very sensitive fic, I wrote this because all that's happening with Seunghan is absolutely not fair, not only him but other idols also suffer. We need to realise they are also human and it's their first time living too.

･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･

The car horns were blaring, the wind forcing the boy to keep his eyes open. Standing on top of the roof edge, his eyes blurred, with tears or with regret, he could not tell. He may have made mistakes in the past, but he wondered how much he could take before he could give up.

His ideal dream of debuting in an idol group, discovering the wonders of the world while touring and singing his lungs out had been reduced to an hope which was being extinguished by some jealous friends of his on the Internet. Seunghan debuted as a member of RIIZE, a group under the biggest entertainment in South Korea, fame finding them before they could even step out of the basement.

It scared him, how he was not afraid to die, rather afraid of being wrong in front of some users on the internet.

The life he sacrificed everything for, snatched away because he had a few moments of joy, but now he was fighting for the courage to live than kill himself. He felt broken, like that last piece in a puzzle that was not fitting. He was only human, 'it was your fault' ringing inside his head. He brought disgrace to his group, he brought disgrace to his family, all would be gone if he took a step. One step to his freedom, one step to his new life, one step to happiness.

"Does it ever stop hurting?"

Seunghan turned around and saw a person's shadow, but the tears flowing made it difficult to make out who it was.

"Of course it does, once the blood seeps out." His voice quavered.

"Go ahead and leave then, everyone does."

"They hated me in life, maybe they could love in death."

"It's worth giving a try to relive."

"Reliving where I don't have to starve myself to sing, carve my name in trophies to redeem myself."

"You failed in living, what makes you think you will succeed in dying."

"I kept running behind success, let this fall make it run after me."

Seunghan could feel a smile creep on his face, the feel of ending it all making the adrenaline rush in his body, the same adrenaline feeling he got before his first ever debut stage. Oh, but look at irony, a smile starting the movie, an even bigger smile to finish the movie. A movie well criticised by those who could never feel the making of it.

"If all you had to do was run, you should have joined a marathon team."

"At least there I would run towards my goal and not away from it."

The person took a few steps forward, hands in pocket due to the cold wind blowing, Seunghan just staring at the person in front of him.

"Is this you speaking or the adrenaline in you speaking because you are standing on the edge?"

Seunghan scoffed at the question, he was considering taking his life right here and this person was taking it as a joke,

"Of course it's me, I won't be standing here because of a dare."

"Well, then I dare you, come down the edge and say you want to jump off, look me in the eyes and say you want to jump off."

"I can say all that from right here."

"I know you can, but just come down once."

"Once you reach the top, it's difficult to come down"

"Then don't look down, look at me, I am here for you."

"I am glad, but it's a little late to be here for me."

Talking made it all the tougher for Seunghan to clear his mind. With a last glance at the person in front of him, he turned facing the city lights and said with confidence,

"Why would I come down when right now I feel the happiest man on top of the world?"

With that he took the step, deaf to the screams of the person behind him, deaf to the car horns blaring, deaf to the screams of his fans on debut, deaf to affections of his parents, deaf to the laughter of his members,

deaf to the little voice in his brain saying "one more chance was all that was needed."

#riize imagines #riize #riize x reader #riize x y/n #riize x male reader #riize angst #kpop x reader #kpop #kpop angst #i support you seunghan #riize seunghan #seunghan #riize is 7 #seunghan x reader

[darkredfox24]

And here I am, with a new idea for Lucemond. More precisely inspired by other posts with this theme. Musical Au.

Lucerys is a singer hiding his identity under the name Arrax. No one has ever seen his face as he posts songs online and his website Rayna knows his secret, which supports him.

Both families arrive at the mansion for the holidays and at one of the dinners, Luke learns that Aemond is a fan of Arrax. Aegon began to make jokes about his brother, saying that he had fallen in love. Lucerys, who had heard this, almost choked on his tea. Aemond just sent his brother out and told him that he liked the singer’s voice, and that the songs were super good, but Aegon decided to kill Luke by saying that his brother listened to all the Arrax songs and knew them almost amazingly, and he also has a tattoo of him self naming his own feather song.

Luke is surprised and excited to learn that his uncle, whom he is in love with and about whom he writes songs, is a huge fan. But realizing that he hates Luke himself hurts him badly, so he speaks ill of his alter ego, which leads to another fight that almost ends in a fight. Chill Luke apologizes to his uncle and says that he is also a fan of Arrax and gives his uncle a CD of his songs, which contains an autograph and a word of thanks to Aemond. After this, Aemond gets close to Luke, of course they often argue and argue, and the eye incident that left a scar on both body and soul, reminded of himself, but over time, everything changes. They often correspond late, go to cafes and movies, and of course discuss Arrax.

Lucerys thinks he has a chance. His heart blossoms with the hope that Aemond will eventually reciprocate, but one day Luke finds Aemond with Alice. He sees them kissing and it breaks his heart. After that, Arrax releases the last song and aouts. Luke begins to distance himself from his uncle. Aemond tries to find out the reason for this change in his nephew, but simply ignores and avoids him. This angers Aemond and pisses him off. During this time, he got used to Luke and the fact that he left him so suddenly hurt him. His nephew hurt him again. At this point, Aemond realized that he loved Lucerys, which made it more painful for him to leave his nephew, and Alice was merely an attempt to stifle his feelings for Luke. So he decides to find out why at all.

He waits for Luke at night at his doorstep and eventually catches him and demands an explanation, Luke struggles and tries to escape, but Aemond refuses and continues to shout his questions, squeezing his shoulders tightly and looking into his face as they stand in the pouring rain outside.

Aemond: WHY? WHY ARE YOU HURTING ME AGAIN? IS THIS SOME GAME?

Lucerys: it’s not…not…I would never…I just…

Aemond: WHAT? IT'S JUST WHAT? YOU WEREN'T ENOUGH OF MY EYE? So you decided to completely destroy me?

Lucerys: No, no, no, I never…I never meant to hurt you! Never…just not you, Aemond.

Aemond: Then why? Why did you leave me? Answer me

Lucerys: I…

Aemond: ANSWER ME!

Lucerys: I LOVE YOU!

Aemond: What?

Lucerys: I love you...

After that, barely restraining the tears, Luke just pulls out of his uncle’s arms and runs away. The rain hits the face that makes it impossible to see the road, but that doesn’t stop Lucerys, and neither does his uncle’s screams, which seem to follow him. He keeps running and runs out into the road. A bright flash, a roar of the car and a loud scream behind his back, pain in his whole body and darkness.

After a while, Luke wakes up in the hospital. He was hit by a car, but luckily he survived. He is visited by the whole family, but Aemond is not with them. His uncle comes later alone. Initially, there is tension around them, but with each new word and apology everything passes. Aemond takes care of Luke, they start a relationship, and after Luke’s discharge, he moves in with his uncle and they live together. Later, on Aemond’s birthday, Luke gives him a song and reveals his identity. The following month, Arrax released a new song in collaboration with a musician called Vhagar.

#lucemond #aemond x lucerys #aemond targaryen #house of the dragon #lucerys valeryon #hotd fanfic

[mad4turtles]

A possible ROTTMNT prompt. Something something, mystic or magic shenanigans, something something, whoops, the turtle squad is unable to lie until the effects wear off. Surely no problems will arise from this.

Oh come ON you know I can't resist this! And you know what's even worse? Part two is on the way XD There was too much I wanted to add for it to fit in a one-shot, so keep an eye out for that TT_TT

Here we go!

---

She can tell something is off the second she steps into the living room.

The boys are squished on the couch, Splinter's chair and the beanbag, arms folded and glaring eyes staring straight ahead. That's nothing new. She's walked in on brotherly spats worse than this, where they'll sit and watch a movie in silence until they eventually sort themselves out.

But nothing is playing, not even music. The Lair is hauntingly quiet. And the boys—

“What's with the duct tape?”

Four heads whirl to face her, their muffled answers intelligible through the silver tape slapped over their mouths.

She stares. God help her.

It's an exhausted but smiling Casey who comes to her rescue with a tray of drinks because he's an actual angel. “The guys got hit by a powerful truth spell while they were shopping in the Hidden City,” he explains, offering her a cup of herbal tea that smells amazing. “They accidentally pissed off a witch, so she cursed them. It'll wear off after seventy-two hours.”

April nearly spits her drink up. “Seventy-two—three days?!” She whirls on the boys. “What the hell did you guys do to get cursed that bad?!”

Leo, Raph and Mikey all glare at Donnie. Said turtle rolls his eyes and painstakingly peels off the tape, leaving a pale mark around his beak. He makes eye contact with April and says in one dead-toned breath: 

“It was a witch from Witch Town who recognized me from the incident two years ago, and we got into a debate about magic to which I, reasonably and correctly, told her that I have finally embraced my mystic heritage and abilities and found a way to seamlessly blend technology and magic despite my earlier hang-ups, to which she, closed-minded bint that she was, told me that I was in gross violation of the 'Old Ways' and a walking, talking sin against everything they believed in over generations of Witch kind, to which I countered—!”

Leo tears off his gag. “He told her to shove her 'Old Ways' up her old ass and stick her old face in an old toilet full of old shit.”

April gapes at Donnie. Casey snorts in surprise and muffles his giggles in the crook of his elbow. Mikey's shoulders shake with repressed laughter, loud even through the tape. Raph looks tired.

“My god,” April groans. “Didn't y'all just get back from being turned into toddlers three weeks ago?”

Mikey abruptly stops laughing and rips off his tape with a yelp. “Yeah, literally in the last one-shot, which turned into a two-shot because y'all couldn't get your crap together fast enough, and I swear to god I love you guys a whole lot, but the author was out for blood, and I was at my limit—!” 

Raph gives in and tears his tape off without wincing. “Michel, what did we say about breaking the fourth wall?”

“He wouldn't have to if it weren't for this stupid freaking spell,” Leo snaps, glaring at Donnie. “And he has every right to be pissed off, given this whole thing is your fault, Donnie!”

Donnie rears back, slapping Leo's pointing finger away. “How, pray tell, is it my fault that witch couldn't handle being wrong?”

“Donnie!”

“What? I finally give in to the mystic powers thing, and I still get put on blast? How is that fair?!” Donnie cries, arms flailing. “Also shouldn't I reserve the right to stand up against bullies or abusive speech because that bitch was out of line, and I am tired, tired I tell you, of being the butt of every joke and having to take it in because people get all uncomfortable and—!”

He slaps the tape back over his beak and sinks into the couch, arms folded tight across his chest. His brothers look at him with wide eyes. Casey shuffles in place and bites his lip, looking at April as if asking for help.

Unlucky for him, April has no answers. Except for maybe one.

“Look, guys,” she says, setting her lukewarm tea on the floor and taking a seat in front of the couch, facing the turtles. Casey joins her and sits cross-legged. “There's no point in muting yourselves because clearly, it ain't workin'. From what it looks like, the spell compels you to talk no matter what you do, so you might as well ride it out and try—emphasis on try—to be civil about it. Who's right and wrong doesn't matter. It's done, so let's deal with it like we always do and push through, okay?”

The boys share a look followed by a chorus of half-hearted agreement. April nods. “Good. Thank you.”

���And hey,” Mikey says, perking up, “maybe this won't be so bad after all! We can all finally have an open, honest and unfiltered conversation about our feelings!”

A cricket chirps in the silence until Leo flicks it off his shoulder.

Mikey sighs and flops back into the beanbag. “Yeah, figured. It kinda sucks being the youngest and the family therapist all time, like I don't got my own hang-ups that nobody listens to 'cause my family is full of emotionally constipated oh frick!”

He shoots to his feet and sprints out of the room. His brothers stare after him with looks that wage war between shock and actual heartbreak.

April drops her face into her free hand and groans. This is gonna be a long three days.

~0o0~

Day One goes about as smoothly as April expects.

Against her better judgment, April decides to stay over until the spell wears off, ready to help Casey and Splinter play referee and peacekeeper for whatever crap storm rolls in on the horizon. With four freshly traumatized teenagers stuck under the same roof (or abandoned subway tunnel) for three days, April wagers it'll be rough.

Still, April has hope. Her boys, at their core, are the kindest and most loving people she's ever had the pleasure to know and have the honour of calling her little brothers. Their love for each other is the stuff of legend; their powers are fuelled by it, and they'd defeated Gods and alien monsters with it. A simple spell should be a cakewalk.

But she forgets that while her boys love each other, they're still boys. Of course they'd abuse the spell for their own gain.

It starts out innocently enough:

---

“Hey, Donnie, any idea why the pop-tarts are always kinda soggy and never have any icing?”

“I like the icing off and put them back in the box—son of a—”

“I KNEW IT!”

---

“Raphael, how is your eye today?”

“Really freaking itchy since I ran outta those drops you gave me, but I haven't said anything 'cause I thought I'd be totally okay without-- Donnie—!”

“You heathen.”

---

“Ayo, who ate the last slice of cake I was saving?!”

“It was Leo! He threatened me with an emotionally heartfelt truth to not tell you despite knowing the terms of the spell would render that promise ineffectual!”

“Donald, you absolute rat bastard—”

---

“How are your hands today, Miguel?”

“Mmmph—“

“Take off the duct tape you fatherless waste of flesh and face your demise like a man.”

“OW! That freakin' hurt, man! And for one, we have two fathers, and for two, I said they're fine! I've been doin' the exercises like you said and checked in with Draxum last weekend to take notes on my mystic energy output, which is stable, thanking you very much.”

“... oh. That's—good. Thank you for actually listening to me, Mikey. Your health and overall well-being mean a lot to me, and I appreciate—”

“And I spilt orange juice on your bazooka blueprints on purpose, but I hoped to tell you later that it was an accident because I hate it when you make crazy dangerous weapons we will never use or let you use—Donnie, where did you get that bat--?”

“Batter up bitch it's time to die!”

---

“Leo, I swear to Pizza Supreme in the sky if you poke me one more time—”

“What? Whatcha gonna do? Can't do jack, 'cause you can't threaten me, all your threats are lies, Dontron, you ain't got nothin—criss on a cross did you stab me with a knife?!”

“I did not stab you, I poked you in the arm with minimal pressure with the wrong side of my craft knife. And I said it, so it is definitely the truth.”

“Dude, what the hell? I can't believe you actually did that!”

“I can't believe your tits are one polygon.”

“We're turtles! We have no tits!”

(Granted, hearing Leo scream that from across the Lair was hilarious. Donnie probably has it recorded, too.)

Aside from that, the newly dubbed Peace Squad only had to break up one major fight over Raph confessing to Mikey that he did lie about the trash monster that would eat him in his sleep. Dr Delicate Touch is a force to be reconned with.

Thus, Day One ends with only a few bruises and half-glares as the boys turn in early. Raph abuses the spell one last time to muscle Donnie into bed when the soft shell is forced to tell Raph outright that he had no plans to sleep, spending the night in the lab until he can't see straight.

Leo laughs so hard he cries when Raph slam-dunks his twin into bed, killing him instantly.

Splinter collapses into his chair, snoring immediately, and April and Casey retire to the guest room they share on the opposite side of the lair. The pair share a fist bump on a job well done and fall asleep in minutes.

Then Day Two happens.

And really, April should have seen this coming.

~0o0~

You can only take something so far until somebody calls you out for it. And Leo, being Leo, milks the spell for all he can.

It's mostly over silly things, like where Donnie had hidden the videos and photos Mikey took during their week as tots or where Raph keeps his stash of strawberry mochi. Or why Mikey keeps stealing his axe body spray.

In hindsight, April should have nipped it in the bud as soon as she noticed. It really was just fun and games, because that's how Leo copes with stress: make a game out of it, and hopefully, someone laughs. Even if they don't, their focus is on him acting a fool and not their stressful predicament. A spark of genuis April hadn't appreciated until it was nearly too late. 

But still, Leo doesn't know when to stop, and it's Donnie who finally snaps.

And lord, does he snap.

“Dear god, Leon, shut the HELL UP!”

Leo's grin slips right off his face. The room falls into a startled hush, all eyes on the twins as one glares daggers of frustration into the other. Even Splinter looks troubled, golden eyes darting between his middle children from his comfy chair.

The slider raises his hands in mock surrender, trying for a smile. “Hey, take it easy, Dee, I'm just playing around—”

“No, you're being an insufferable prick, and I have had enough!” Donnie stamps his foot, and oh, dammit. The bottle has been shaken hard enough, and the cap's blown off. “It's bad enough that we're stuck under this stupid spell, and sure, I'll take responsibility for that, whatever, but you—Leo, god, you just cannot help yourself, can you? You just have to take advantage of a compelling spell that we cannot break or force down—do you realize how invasive that is?! We're brothers, but sometimes I like keeping my private thoughts private, and not sharing passwords for my super-secret-locked-for-a-reason digital vaults! This isn't funny, Leo, it's a goddamn nightmare, and you're making it worse for the rest of us with your bouts of incorrigible stupidity! Tee-ell-dee-arr: stop being a selfish asshole, and for once, in your goddamn life, just. Be. QUIET!”

Silence. Leo's eyes are wide. Mikey huddles behind Raph, hands over his mouth. Raph's beak twists with pain. Casey shuffles next to Splinter, unsure. April's heart thunders in her ears.

Then Leo scowls.

“Okay,” he says in that tone, and April hisses a curse. “Okay. Y'know what, that's cool, Dee. I get it. I can be an asshole, I'll take that. I've been abusing the spell a bit, I can take that, too. But, and I'm just putting this out there, you may recall how you've been doing the exact same thing to us. Badgering Mikey and Raph about their injuries, forcing me to own up about my nightmares last night—you don't think that maybe, just maybe, there's a reason I don't like talking about that shit? Maybe I wanna keep that information to myself until I'm ready to talk about it with you on my own terms? Don't put me on blast for being a dick if you're pulling the same moves!”

“Correction one,” Donnie holds up a finger and steps forward, eyes blazing. “I ask Mikey and Raph because I worry about them, and I know they'll keep it from me until it becomes too much to handle, and it goes from a mild annoyance that's treatable to a medical emergency that puts them in the medbay! Correction two,” He holds up another finger, “I asked you about your nightmares because they're hurting you now in more ways than just mentally or emotionally and I'm trying to help you, you selfish, prideful—!”

“Selfish?!” Leo stomps the last few inches and butts his forehead against Donnie's, ignoring Raph and Mikey's pleas to stop. “Did you—did you seriously just call me selfish?! Sure I was an asshole at first, but everything I did that day and every day since is for you guys! Everything I've ever done has been for this family! How freaking dare you—!”

“You are selfish! Throwing yourself into danger, risking your life without thinking of the consequences or the people you're hurting when you leave them behind—!”

“Guys, please stop!” Mikey cries, eyes shining, hands trembling. “Just—it's been a long two days, I get it, but yelling at each other in this state is only gonna—”

“Butt out, Mikey,” Leo bites without looking away from Donnie. “No one asked you to play family therapist. Give it a freaking rest.”

Mikey flinches. The tears spill over.

“Leo!” April gasps several beats too late. Splinter's fur bristles as he hops out of his chair and approaches Mikey just as Casey puts his arms around his shaking shoulders.

“Leonardo,” Raph hisses, stomping over to the twins and breaking them apart. “Knock it off. Both of you. You're mad, everybody's mad and tired, I get it. But don't you dare take it out on Mikey. He's just trying to help—”

“Well, no one asked him to!” Leo throws his hands up. “Just like no one asked you to jump in and try to parent us like we're still little kids! We get it, you have Older Sister Syndrome and our Dad was barely around, which sprouted a whole can of worms called 'issues' that we pretend don't exist. Pick a different character trait and move on!”

Raph rears back as if Leo had hit him. Splinter freezes, guilt and heartbreak flashing in his eyes for a moment before he shuts them and squeezes Mikey's hand instead.

“What the actual shit, Nardo?!” Donnie cries, shoving Leo in the chest hard enough that the slider staggers back several feet. “What, now that someone's finally calling you out, you retaliate like a sore loser with verbal attacks?! Are we witnessing Leo's Lowest right now? Freaking wow, bravo, peak leadership right here, folks—”

“Shut up with the leader thing!” Leo hisses back, hands fluttering by his sides, claws peeking. “I never wanted to be the leader, I never asked for that responsibility the same way Raph didn't ask to be our second parent for the first few years of our lives! And, I'm sorry, 'verbal attacks?' Like your screw-up with the Witch isn't the whole reason we're even in this mess?! If you're supposed to be the 'smartest' I'd hate to see what dumb looks like you narcissistic, eggheaded weirdo!”

Donnie nearly knocks April over when he lunges at Leo with a scream, taking them both to the ground. It's a mess of brutal punches, kicks, bites, hissing, Raph shouting, Mikey crying and Splinter trying to pry the turtles off each other. April can't get close enough to help, and turtle bites are lethal enough on their own.

“At least I'm not tearing my brothers down or acting like a baby,” Donnie spits, grappling with Leo pinned underneath him. “Or hiding things from my family after I threw myself into a prison dimension with a monster and didn't think about how everyone might feel about that—!”

Leo knees Donnie in the gut, yanking on his mask tails as he rolls them over, pinning Donnie to the floor with his forearm across his chest, eyes wild, livid and bright with hurt. “At least I'm man enough to admit my faults, unlike my beloved twin who has to turn everything into a drama to prove he's the smartest—!”

“—and for the last freaking time, you are NOT MY TWIN! We cannot be twins, it is biologically impossible, we are different species, GET THAT THROUGH YOUR DUM-DUM HEAD—!”

“FINE! If you hate being my brother so bad, maybe you really would be better off if I'd died in the—!”

April doesn't think. Her mind goes white, and she leaps forward and slaps Leo across the face.

Leo careens off Donnie, who has gone stiff, eyes blown wide. The Lair goes deathly quiet for the third time, and April, chest heaving and eyes stinging, can't tell if because of what she did—why did I do that, god, I hit him, I hit my little brother—or what Leo dared to say.

April looks at her hand, sore and red from the blow. She looks up at Raph, Mikey and Casey, staring between her and the twins in raw shock and, in Mikey's case, horror. She looks at Splinter, carefully helping Donnie to sit up with clawed hands that shake. She looks at Leo, slumped on the floor, cupping his swelling cheek, staring at her with wet eyes. His nose is bleeding.

Oh god.

“Leo,” April breaks the silence, her words choked, a hand reaching out for the slider. He flinches, and she yanks her hand back to her chest. Her eyes sting, lips trembling. “I'm—I'm so sorry, I didn't mean—I'm, I'm so sorry—”

April sees the moment Leo shuts down. He sniffs, wiping the blood off his nose with his arm, and stumbles to his feet. He shrugs off Raph and Casey's supporting hands and doesn't look at any of them as he stalks away.

“Leonardo, where are you going?” Splinter calls. April's already broken heart lurches when, in a flash of blue, Leo summons his swords.

“Away,” Leo bites out. His shell is facing them, but April can hear the tears in his voice. “Best of luck with being the only middle kid, Donatello. I'm outta here.”

“No, no wait—!”

“Leo, please stop—!”

“My son, don't—!”

“Sensei, no—!”

Another flash of brilliant blue and Leo is gone.

---

Part 2 Coming Soon...

(Feel free to send more requests.

Reblogs are very appreciated <3)

#rottmnt #rottmnt fic #request #my writing #oooooh this hit me like BUS #these boys have sooooooo many secrets and issues #like so many

[rose-pearls]

Arrow - Part 4

Summary: After a day at the beach an exercise turns wrong and bad memories come back to Rooster.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 - Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

Dogfighting was apparently not something you could only do in the air but also on the beach. 

Maverick had all dragged us to the beach to do some football but dogfight style, which was something that I had never heard of, and the others didn’t seem to know what he meant.

After explaining for a bit, the game where offence and defense were played at the same time, he told us to get into groups, while making Hangman and Rooster team captain.

“Alright, Rooster why don’t you start.”, Maverick proposes, and the pilot looks at all of us clearly trying to make it seem like he was trying to find someone. 

“Arrow you’re on my team.”, I roll my eyes at his antics, but I can’t help the smile that appears on my lips. 

“Go on Bagman your turn.”, the boys slowly chose their teams, and we end up with pretty equal teams until Maverick joins our team and Hangman starts to protest.

“Oh, common that’s not fair!”, we all start to laugh at his pouting and even Maverick seems to relax.

“What? The great Hangman scared to be beaten by Maverick?”, Rooster smirks at me and looks at Hangman in false shock.

“You are getting a bit older Hangman, are you sure you are not too old to do this.”, I snort at his remark and the whole team starts to laugh except for Hangman who glares at us.

“Because you don’t respect your elders my team will start the game.”, we all cackle after him before getting into position. 

The game is pure chaos, everyone is running like headless chickens and the ones that are trying to play get tackled into the sand. 

“I am stopping now.”, we all call after Maverick telling him to come back but he just waves his hand at us.

Before I can say anything, else Rooster screams my name and passes me the ball, and I start running. Hangman seems to want to tackle me but luckily Fanboy stops him, and I manage to score. 

“She shoots, she scores, Goal!”, I start laughing before Rooster picks me up in his arms and starts spinning us.

“I can’t believe you just quoted ‘She’s the man’ Rooster.”, he gives me a large grin before sighing dramatically.

“It’s the best movie there is, what can I say.”, I nod seriously, and Rooster puts an arm around my shoulder, dragging me back to the rest of the team.

“This is the final game guys! Get yourself ready.”, everyone starts to get serious before Phoenix speaks up.

“Losers pay the drinks?”, we all smirk at the offer and agree getting ready for the last game.

It is once again chaos as Hangman gets the ball first, but Fanboy tackles him, so Rooster takes the ball and just as Coyote tries to tackle him, he passes the ball to Bob who then runs straight to the makeshift goal and scores.

“That is my fellow WSO ladies and gentlemen! Bob Floyd!”, he is grinning at my words and Rooster takes him on his shoulders to celebrate the win. 

“Bob! Bob! Bob!”, the whole team is chanting his name even the losers and I have to give it to Maverick his plan really did work.

Maverick tells us to get our stuff to go to the Hard Deck and everyone starts talking about the game and I feel Rooster’s arm around my shoulder.

“I have to say this was an effective teambuilding, particularly between us.”, Rooster looks at me in a serious way and I look at him with a straight face.

“I have to agree, I hated you first but now I think I can’t live without you.”, he wipes a fake tear away from his eye and I try not to laugh.

“Oh Arrow! Don’t you ever leave me!”, he takes me into a big dramatic hug.

“Rooster I would never!”, the both of us burst in laughter and the rest of the team roll their eyes at our antics.

----

“The mission has been moved up a week and your time is now 2 minutes 30.”, we all look at each other trying to understand if Cyclone is making a joke or not but he is dead serious. 

“The first to try the course will be Coyote, Bob, and Phoenix. Get into your gear we will be leaving in 10.”, the rest of us leave the room to go to the radio and listen to the exercise. 

“This is starting to feel really dangerous.”, I look at my side finding my sister who looks a bit anxious.

“You’re a great pilot Fire, if anyone can do this it’s you.”, she looks surprised at my words, but a genuine smile appears.

“I think that Rooster and you will get picked, you’re a killer team.”, I nod my head and I don’t know if I want to get picked for the mission, it’s dangerous and if I could choose, I would send no one but someone has to go.

“Common, let’s see how they do it and then we will do it better.”, she smirks at me, and we go join the others around the radio.

The exercise seems to be going well, they manage to get to the target, but they have to drop blind, and it doesn’t work. Now they need to go through the G-lock which is the most dangerous part.

“Coyote, Coyote answer.”, everyone starts to tense up and I can see that it particularly hits Hangman. They seem to be verry close and I can’t imagine how he must be feeling. 

“Coyote!”, Hangman closes his eyes for a bit, and I can’t help but take his hand, he seems surprised, but I look back at the radio.

“I’m okay, I’m okay.”, we all let out a sigh of relief at his words and Hangman squeeze’s my hand. 

They decide to head back to the base, and it seems that we won’t be training anymore until Phoenix voice rings through the radio.

“Bird strike!”, the whole room is back on their feet, scared for Phoenix and Bob. 

“Right engine is on fire!”, I feel panic rise and Hangman’s hand is strong in mine. 

“Phoenix we’re going down, we’re going down!”, the whole group is on their feet hoping that nothing will happen.

“Eject! Eject!”, Rooster turns white at the words and leaves the room. I squeeze Hangman’s hand before following Rooster out in the hallway. He doesn’t seem to hear me and enters a room, it’s a room full of pictures where the other’s probably saw that Rooster’s dad went here.

He is sitting down looking like he’s going to be sick, and I crouch in front of him, trying to calm him down.

“Roo?”, he lets out a shaky breath and I take his hands in mine making him look at me.

“Hey, I’m here.”, he softly takes his hand out of my grasp before taking them in his and he brings his forehead against mine.

“My dad.”, he takes a deep breath of air and I caress my finger against his trying to calm him down.

“He died after ejecting, there was a problem with their plane, and they had to eject.”, I feel my breath get shaky and I hold on to Rooster’s hands even stronger than before.

“This, hearing it it’s like I was living it.”, I take one of my hands out of his grasp and put it on his cheek to brush away the tears that are falling.

“I don’t know how I can help you Rooster but I’m here if you need to talk or if you need anything.”, I feel Rooster nod and taking a deep breath.

“Just being there is already more than I can ask for, thank you.”

“Rooster, you don’t need to thank me. We’re a team, you are my partner!”, he opens his eyes and suddenly I’m looking into his brown eyes, looking at me with sadness but something else is there that I can’t seem to understand. 

Rooster seems to get closer when a knock is heard on the door. I squeeze the hand that is still in mine before getting a bit away from him, missing his warmth. 

“Come in.”, Rooster nods at me before I tell that person to come in that it’s okay with him.

The door opens and I see Maverick come in, Rooster seems to tense up and I hold on to his hand smiling a small smile at Maverick.

“Bob and Phoenix are okay just a few scratches.”, the both of us let out a breath of relief and Rooster seems to breathe again. I can see that Maverick needs some time alone with Rooster, so I look back at Rooster seeing him already looking at me.

“I’ll see you later, alright?”, he nods slowly but it seems like he doesn’t want to let me go. After a couple of minutes, he does, and I squeeze Maverick’s shoulder while leaving the room hoping that the two of them will talk it out.

“Y/N!”, I turn around at hearing my name and see my sister looking frantic.

“Hey, hey what is wrong? Didn’t you heard Bob and Phoenix are alright just a few scratches.”, she shakes her head, and a sob leaves her mouth and if she wasn’t so close to me, I wouldn’t have heard it, but I did and it broke me.

“It’s dad.”

#rooster fanfiction #rooster x you #rooster x y/n #rooster fanfic #bradley bradshaw fanfiction #bradley bradshaw #top gun x reader

[poppy-thatcher]

Moving On (Katsuki Bakugo)

A/N: MANGA SPOILERS! DO NOT READ IF YOU ONLY WATCH THE ANIME! Still on the same heartbreak BS. Trying to use all the Duct Tape to hold it together right now! Also... Don't ask me what anyone's specific age is. There is absolutely no clarity with that in this story. Kat, and the rest, are of age, but Tai (Fat Gum) is definitely older (Pro-Hero, duh!). Wrote a Kiri piece for comfort... using my next comfort character before another chapter is released. Cause it's definitely not gonna go this way.

ALSO: You can't tell me that Tai wouldn't be the perfect other half! Mainly cause I won't hear it! 😂 He'd not care (in fact, he'd probably be quite proud) that you ate your fair share of junk food while watching movies together on your days off. He'd admire every curve your body had developed over the comfortable years together. He'd give the best, most cuddly snuggles! And he'd guard you with his life.

When he landed, the earth shook below his steel-covered shoes. His eyes honed in on him first, taking in the view that had caused the vilest of cries to shred through my clutched teeth just moments prior to finding him in this state. 

The instant rage to fill his eyes scared me to my core, making my spine tingle with anticipation of what was to come next. I had never seen Deku as angry as he currently was. Nothing had previously compared to the animalistic version we received when Bakugo was impaled a handful of months ago by the same villain situated a few yards away from us now.

When his eyes finally glanced me over, I noticed his stance falter for a short minute, unsure of what action to take next. 

I shook my head and glanced in Shigaraki’s direction. He was smugly standing, arms wide open, shooting snarky comments at what an easy feat Bakugo was.

The gruff growl that left Deku’s throat reverberated in my ears, causing my heart to clench at the mutual feelings we were currently sharing. He bolted off, in his most primal and calculated state, causing Shigaraki to falter in his advances.

We were finally winning.  But at what cost?

I sat, knees bent on the ground, with Katsuki's body carefully situated in my lap. Tears effortlessly fell down my face. The soft whimpering that left my chest and throat hurt, straining to keep quiet and not draw more attention than necessary to our location. I rested my forehead on his, pushing his hair out of his bloody face. 

"You can't leave me, you idiot!" I sobbed, my voice cracking, "You're my best friend. What the fuck am I going to do without you?!? Please, Kat, please wake up!" 

"(Y/N)!" I heard behind me.

I whipped my head around meeting the sullen eyes of Suneater. He rushed to my side, kneeling beside us, worry clearly etched on his face. He was my next closest friend, after Katsuki. Tamaki liked to joke and make fun, claiming that I was in love with Bakugo. But that was something I could never admit to. No matter how true those jokes rang in my head and my heart, I knew I couldn’t quite measure up to what Katsuki needed from a significant other. He needed to be offered the world, and I could never offer anything other than my broken and misused heart.

"We need to move you, get you out of the way. You're hurt and Dynamite… " He gulped loudly when his eyes finally met my rage-filled ones. 

"I'm not leaving without him, Tamaki. Please don't make me leave him here!" I whined out.

"(Y/N)," he said, scratching the back of his neck. 

"I… I love him. I can't just leave him here. He deserves better than this!" I confessed, new tears running down my cheeks as uncontrollable sobs followed them. 

I wasn’t just speaking about the situation, and Tamaki understood the true meaning between the lines I fed him.

Tamaki’s eyes met mine in shock, finally hearing me say the things he had always wanted me to say. To admit, out loud and to myself, that I cared for Katsuki more than a friend should. This admission of love brought new tears to gloss Tamaki’s eyes. He quickly nodded, wrapped tentacles around Katsuki with one hand, and pulled me close to his chest with the other, while I buried my head in his chest.

“I can’t imagine what you’re going through,” Tamaki whispered to me, “but you’ll never need to go through the feelings alone. You have me… and the rest of the Fat Gum Agency behind you. Please, please don’t push us away like you usually do, okay?”

I nodded, not trusting my voice to be as strong as I was pretending to be.

“His heart stopped for a while. We were able to find his pulse and pull him back. But I’m afraid he’s in a coma. We’re unsure when he’ll wake.” the doctor said to the small group that was waiting outside Katsuki’s hospital room.

I couldn’t bring myself to huddle that close to his parents and the rest. Mitsuki was crying so loudly that my heart couldn’t possibly handle it. That woman was the closest thing to a mother that I had. The fact that Katsuki shared her with me, without a second thought, always made me smile a mile wide. Now, the thought of not being good or strong enough for her son broke me to my core.

“(Y/N), did you hear the doctor?” she asked, looking behind Izuku, her red, puffy eyes catching mine quickly before I could look away.

I thought I was all cried-out as I stood there numb. But Kirishima quickly walked my way, pulling my face in his hands, and gently pushed the tears away. I gasped and stepped back quickly, my eyes meeting all the sullen stares ahead of me. I couldn’t breathe. The world was growing dark and my vision became blurry from panic. I pushed off Kirishima’s chest, avoiding all the voices calling my name, and rushed to get out of the hospital as quickly as I could. 

When I rounded the corner, the last stretch before I could free myself from the enclosing walls of the hospital finally in sight, I bumped into Fat Gum. He quickly steadied me with his overly large hands, holding me tightly.

“Hey, slow down there, little lady,” he said lightly, no doubt coming our way to see how everyone was holding up. 

Working under his agency was the absolute best choice I could have ever made. He was the ideal boss. Someone inspiring yet not pushy. Someone who would let you make mistakes and would help you correct them with no judgment. He was so understanding and caring and it created a workplace that felt a lot like the home I never had growing up.

I couldn’t meet his eyes. The guilt, the feeling of letting him down, sat perfectly poised in my chest.

“(Y/N), do we need to get out of here?” he gently asked me, kneeling to look into my eyes. A much easier feat, since his 8-foot frame towered over me.

I didn’t answer him, I couldn’t. Before I could even think of what my next moves would be, he gently scooped me in his large arms and walked towards the exit of the hospital. He sat me on the bench across from the hospital, nestled at the edge of our wooded park. I couldn’t find my voice, I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.

Tai’s large hands gently stroked my back, not daring to force me to speak before I was ready. I sucked in air, wiped my eyes, and turned his way. Finally facing him.

“He’s… he’s in a coma… and they don’t know if or when he’ll wake. I didn’t get there soon enough to help him.” I looked at Tai’s face, to assess his feelings about the things I was spilling, he didn’t say anything as he kept gently rubbing my back, waiting for me to continue letting out my most heartbreaking emotions. Just like he always did, “I wasn’t good enough to save him.”

And I stood, his hand finally dropping from the contact we shared.

“(Y/N)… it’s not so black and white like that. You know that. You know what I teach you heroes at my agency. This is no different.”

“This is every bit of different!” I snapped, “I love him! And I don’t even deserve to.” I hung my head in shame, “I don’t deserve to be in his life, in any aspect, if he can’t rely on me to keep him safe!”

“Please stop this, right now,” Tai said, his face contorting in anger. Something we didn’t see much on his happy-go-lucky face, “If you love him you need to not give up on him, on being in his life. He will need you when he wakes up.”

“You mean if. If he wakes up,” I said, backing away slowly.

“Don’t… don’t say things like that. Come on, (Y/N). Let's head to the agency and get you cleaned up. We can have the on-hand medic look you over, to be safe.”

“No! I don’t deserve to wear this uniform, to be part of your team. I don’t deserve to be standing, effortlessly breathing, here!” I snapped back, “It should be me in his place!”

Tai grabbed my arm before I could even contemplate turning and running. The force was rough enough for me to understand his frustration, but still soft enough to not hurt me.

“Don’t, for a second, think that Bakugo would want that. And don’t think I’m letting you be alone with a mind that thinks you deserve to be in his place, laying in that hospital bed. I tolerate a lot of things you all say and do because it’s your job to learn from your mistakes… just as it’s my job to allow you the time to do so. But under no circumstance will I put up with that kind of talk in my presence. You are worth everything good in this world. You’re one of the absolute best things that have happened to my agency. And I refuse for this moment to be what breaks your hero spirit! Now come on.” he scooped me again, carrying me bridal style, to his nearby agency.

I sat mindlessly on the in-house clinic’s patient table while the medic gently wiped the dried blood and dirt off my wounds. My jog bra was the only thing covering my top, and in most instances, I would make a fuss. But I just couldn’t bring myself to care about anything. The numbness to the situation, to the world, had settled within me making me a shell of a person just going through the motions.

“Lass, you need to have that stitched up. Before you bleed out all over my floor.” I heard, as though it was whispered on the wind. 

I didn’t acknowledge the medic, making him push at my shoulder to grab my attention to the wound that was still bleeding. My eyes trailed to his, hardly finding the courage to meet his gaze, but still not saying anything.

“Do it,” Tai said, sitting at the edge of the room, his arms crossed over his slimmer chest, not having the chance to rebuild his quirk after the war was deemed over, “She’s in shock, numb. This will probably be the only opportunity you get to do this without her putting up a fight.” he lightly laughed to himself.

“Sure thing boss.” Gunter said, smiling at him and peering back at me, shaking his head, “Let me know if I hurt you, lass.”

I nodded, while he got to work.

#mha spoilers #bakugo katsuki #taishiro toyomitsu #mha taishiro #mha katsuki #mha x reader #izuku mydoria #eijiro kirishima #amajiki tamaki #katsuki x reader #taishiro x reader #heartbroken

[whatsgoingoninsiderikkishead]

Happier than Ever

info + warnings: Angst, Chubby Reader, Alcohol consumption, Toxic Behavior, Cheating, Not a happy ending.

wc: 1k+

summary: Short story. Keigo Takami -  Hawks - Toxic and Cheating BF

a/n: I got Billie’s Happier than Ever on loop while I wrote this down. There’s some lyrics there, please don’t judge me. ehe.  Enjoy!!!!! 😊 Might also remind you of some Marvel movie.

You look at the clock on your bedside table for the nth time. It's already 3 am. You wish your mind to fall asleep, at any moment now he’ll be home. Late, again. Smelling like someone else, again. Tears filled your eyes and you just blinked it away pulling the bed cover tighter to you. 

You’ve never felt so weak and worthless. You kept on thinking when did this hell started and if he ever loved you like he said he does. You tried to leave but you’ll know that he’ll just gonna bring you back. You belong to him. 

You hear the click of the knob and his keys’ jiggle. You threw the sheet over your head so that you will not be able to see him. 

You knew about her, she made sure of that. Leaving little things in some places that she knew that you can see easily. Making him smell like her every time that he’d been with her.

It’s your 3rd year anniversary today and he didn’t even remember. You prepared his favorite meal and waited for him to come home in your favorite dress all dolled up but when the clock struck 12, you knew that he didn’t remember. 

Five messages were sent to him wanting to know where he is but one message that dismissed you left you with a broken heart. 

‘Don’t message me. I’m busy.’ he said. 

He’s busy..

Busy fucking her..

Busy giving her the love that he’s supposed to be giving his Wife to some random coworker that was skinnier than his Wife… your biggest weakness..

He said that he loves your curvy body and preferred it over a skinny one. 

Hah! What a joke, Keigo. What a joke.

You tried to remember all the good memories that you and him had but all of it was already tainted by his cheating. You tried to confront him but he said that it’s all in your head and proceeded to go to work. One year of your life was all full of arguments, lies, and it was all wasted on him. 

You felt him pull the cover off and laid on the bed beside you as tears filled your eyes. You can smell the stink of her rose perfume that you grew to hate. The smell of the perfume that You, yourself gave to her as a birthday gift as you never knew that she will be the one who’s going to kill you, slowly. 

Few minutes later he's already sleeping soundly. You slowly pulled your cover off, making sure that he remained sleeping. You walked to the bathroom that was connected to your room, shedding the red dress that you’re wearing for your anniversary and turned the shower on. 

Tears are now flowing down your face, as you stand under the shower. Feeling all the pain that you felt the whole year. He promised you the world, he promised you all the love, he promised you a beautiful future but all of that was a lie. You’re already at the brink of your sanity. You can’t take it any more. 

Toweling off your body, you grabbed a new night gown and dried off your hair. Your mind is still flooded with Keigo's infidelity. As you brush your hair in front of a mirror, your attention was caught by the necklace that was hanging on its side. 

‘With this, I promise that I’ll be forever by your side. Whenever I’m on a Mission, just touch this..’ he pointed at a small red feather attached to the pendant. ‘It's one of my feathers, I’ll feel you and will know that you’re thinking of me..’ he smiled as he put it on me and landed one kiss on my forehead and one on my lips.

I wonder how many girls he gives his feathers to.. I reach for it and put it on, walking back to the bedroom. 

I turned to the windows and walked out the balcony. Hawks always like to be on high  places. I told him before that his penthouse was his nest and he just laughed. Looking down, you can see that the street you were living on was silent and no cars were passing at this time. 

Your hands reached over to the feather and closed your eyes, giving it a soft touch. You heard Keigo groan and took advantage of that and passes his mind…

‘I don't relate to you. I don't relate to you, no. 'Cause I'd never treat me this shitty. You made me hate this city..’

You showed him all the memories where you started, when you first met, your first date, your first kiss, your first night, his proposal, Your wedding. One and a half years, happier as ever.. Then his cheating. You showed him what you saw, what you know, what she said, what she did to you. You showed him everything. 

Keigo’s groans echoed in your bedroom. Like he's having a nightmare where he can’t wake up. You kept those memories on his head on repeat until he’s shaking. Then you let go. 

Of his memories, of his promises, of him, of yourself.

Keigo’s POV

I sat up, gasping. I knew something would happen. I knew it.

I looked over the balcony and saw my beautiful wife wearing the necklace that I gave her. Standing on the ledge. 

“.. you were my everything. And all that you did was make me fucking sad.” she murmured.

No. “Y/n..”

“..I could talk about every time that you showed up on time. But I'd have an empty line 'cause you never did. Never paid any mind to my mother or friends. So I shut 'em all out for you 'cause I was a kid.”

“Y/n, No!” I threw the cover off of me and ran over towards her but my intoxicity made the worst of me.

“Do you remember what day it is today, Keigo?” she smiled while tears flowing down her face. Making me stop.

“My Angel..” I started

“What day is it, Keigo?” she asked. “What day!?” she bellowed.

“I-I..”

“It’s our 3rd year anniversary..” she murmured. “You don’t remember.. Again. Because you were with her.”

“No. I’m not.” I lied. As I walked slowly to her, I was still drunk on my feet.

“Yes, you were..” she nodded, “I can smell the perfume that I gave my cousin, Keigo. I can smell her..”

Fuck.. “Baby, Come down here, you’re just tired.” I reached out to her. 

“Don’t.” she bit. “This is the best for you, Keigo.”

“What the fuck are you talking about, y/n?” I asked, feeling the exhaustion that I felt every time I spoke to her. “This is fucking insane, Y/n! I’m fucking tired, okay! I don’t have time for this! I don’t have time for you! I’m fucking tired!!” 

“Then I’ll let you go..”

Rubbing my face, “What?” I asked. “This is bullshit!”

“I love you, Keigo.” she stated. “Always and forever.” Y/n pulled her necklace off and let it fall off her hand. My eyes followed the dropping necklace and looked back up. 

Y/n gave me a teary smile that didn’t reach her eyes. A smile that I never saw before from her. 

Then she’s gone. 

I jumped over the balcony. Following her. I flapped my wings, to fall as fast as I could, reaching my hands towards her.

She’s falling. Keigo, faster! “Fuck!!” I screamed as I released some feathers to follow her. Her eyes were closed and looking peaceful. I pushed myself faster and tried to grab her hands but she’s still too far. We’re getting closer to the ground. My feathers can't reach her.

I pushed.. ‘I’m sorry..Y/n.. I’m sorry!’

and pushed.. ‘I’m sorry.. Y/n!’

and pushed  ‘Please! Please!! Oh God!!!’

And I felt one of the feathers reach her. I gasped as I tried to push it behind her to pull her to me. Her eyes opened and she smiled. 

I landed on my knees with her in my arms.

I looked down at her, moving the stray hair off her face and kissed her forehead.

 “Y/n.. I’m sorry..” I mumbled. “I don’t know what had gone through me to do such acts.” I added. “I love you. Only you.” I looked at her. “You can open your eyes now. I got you.”

Y/n didn’t move. “Y/n, you’re safe now. Open your eyes.” I smoothed a finger over her cheek and brushed her hair back. “Y/n-” 

I was stunned. Blood. There was blood. 

There shouldn’t be. I caught her. My feather caught her. 

Right? Right!?

“Y/n. It’s not funny. Open your eyes for me… Please..” I felt a tight grip on my chest. “Y/n. Please.. Y/n!!”

No. no. no.. this isn't true.. I hugged her “Noooo!! Y/n Please!!! No! No!”  

#bnha #bnha hawks #wing hero hawks #keigo takami #takami keigo x reader #keigo x reader #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #whatsgoingoninsiderikkishead

[winderlylandchime]

1/2 And we are at 5x03 and he is excited to see Britin move in together….yeah… ‘i don’t understand in what world Brian would suck at filling up a club? Maybe the first day, sure BUT DAYS? Plural? Come on, they are making my baby boy look bad’ The groan that he let out when Mel and Linds came on screen is actually hilarious ngl. He was just dead silent and every time either of them would speak, he would just groan loudly. ‘Hold the fuck up, she’s now venting to Brian? What is he? The local therapist? Wow her hair is horrible. Nevermind, I guess he’s the local charity organization.’ And we are now at Justin/Ben/Mikey painting the house scene ‘Justin needs to paint a painting for Brian’s office. Why hasn’t he yet? (Ben mentions Britin getting a house) I highly doubt that will ever happen. I like the loft. Why is Justin so doubtful about it? See! Even Blondie knows the loft is better (ben says he needs to carry mikey in and justin says he wouldnt know what married people do) me and Justin are both gonna puke right now.’ ‘Why is Mike such a bitch? Also where the fuck is Hunter? Did he forget he has another kid? I will give my kidney up to get Brian and Justin back and not see this anymore’ Brian pops up on screen literally a second later ‘I’LL TAKE IT! They want to tear down the club for a gallery? WAIT *pauses ep* imagine a world where Brian is struggling with starting up his club like this and that someone who wants to tear it down for a gallery is Justin. Oh the hatred they’d have for each other, theyd fuck it out and be angry that theyre fucking, I should write scripts for movies. OH he said galleria not gallery. Never mind then but my idea still sounds dope. Brian looks so fucking pretty.’ The scene where Em is introduced as the Queer Guy is up *looks at his cast* ‘well this is feeling like an attack now. Why is everyone so rude to Emmett? Fuck them.’ ‘DEB IS LEAVING THE DINER?! Why? She’s retiring FOR A MAN? We aren’t worth all that. Why is blondie making me feel like he regrets being back in Pittsburgh?’ And we are finally getting some Britin and he got all happy finally ‘MY BOYS! FINALLY! (Brian hugs Justin from behind) AHHHHHHHHH LOOK AT HIM ALL AFFECTIONATE AND SHIT! Wait he dropped out again? Of course Bri Bri wants him to go back to school. Man, where was this 20 years ago? I feel like I would’ve actually graduated if I saw this and had 5 years of Brian telling me to go to school. *looks at me* dont tell dad. Of course Brian is offering him a job! Thatd be cute. Why am i having feelings over Justin putting away Brian’s suit? (The sunshine how did i scene is up!!!!) OH MY FUCKING GOD *pauses tv and slides down from the couch on the floor so he’s now sitting on the floor* no he fucking didn’t! I’m glad all three of us are aware of that!’ ‘Not Ted and Justin being Blondie Besties. Okay, Queer Guy let’s go Emy! Oh god this is bad. *covers up his face* this is so bad. What did they do to my Emmett? IS THAT ROSIE FUCKING O’DONNELL?! That was so bad. And youre telling me justin didn’t have a single joke?’ Rosie (i forgot her name) tells Deb that her husband caught her kissing her friend while making cinnamon buns ‘i can see how that makes a person wanna kiss a friend.. it’s homies supporting homies *forgets about the cast and tries to make a fist realizes it, so he makes a fist with his left arm* Ally…that was weak. I’m so sorry Rosie O’Donnell, you deserve better. I’m ashamed of this’ ‘oh Lindsay. She’s just as dumb as Michael. And that hair is still horrible’ ‘THIS IS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT! I told you Brian would make Babylon insane but you thought I was dumb! The place is PACKED! Look at Blondie standing next to his man at his club. Supportive boyfriends. Wait the club is empty?! HE PAYED THEM? That’s actually smart. Did Blondie come up with this? I love this so much.‘ ‘YOU GO ROSIE O’DONNELL! Im confused why she’s here but you go girl!’ ‘THEY THINK EMMETT IS NOT QUEER ENOUGH?’ the scene cuts to the custody bullshit ‘did Mel forget that she also cheated? All three of them are so fucking stupid. OH LINDSAY IS A BITCH.’

Hold the fuck up, she’s now venting to Brian? What is he? The local therapist? Wow her hair is horrible. Nevermind, I guess he’s the local charity organization. YEAH he's the local therapist, charity organization, fundraiser, etc etc.

I HATE MIKEY AND BEN in this season with a passion. Ugh. And then they go roping Justin into their nonsense.

Yeah Emmy being the Queer Guy is going to make a lot of uncomfortable commentary about that show given your brother is a fan. Remind him that the original version of the show was not what it is today (I definitely watched it back then too, I won't lie)

Also can we have your brother write a fic where Justin wants to open a gallery in place of Babylon and it's an enemies-to-lovers fic? OMG Justin got sent to conversion therapy, comes back this uptight version of himself, wants to take down the big bad gay club and meets Brian and...

LBR your brother, at this point, would do anything BriBri asked him. ;) including go back to college.

The how did I scene is everything. These are the moments we need to survive this awful season.

And the Rosie O'Donnell plot line. I don't even know...

#ask winderlylandchime #dear sweet anon #queer as folk #a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023

[dirt-grub]

CAUSE AS LONG AS WE’RE TOGETHER 

WE CAN STAND AND FACE WHATEVER 

KIND OF TROUBLE THIS WORLD TRIES TO PUT US INNNNNNNN

IF YOURE OUT THERE ON YOUR OWN 

YOU MIGHT JUST TAKE IT ON THE CHIN

BUT IF ITS US AGAINST THE UNIVERSE WE WINNNNNNNNN

#hello i am crying<3 #if your movie doesnt have a big musical number about togetherness and family at the end what are you doing #also i am not joking there are tears leaving my face THAT MOVIE JUST GIVES ME EMOTIONS #i think ive posted about this song already but shut up i love it and im making another one #i just rewatched the movie lol #i also made a pnf spotify playlist and every time it comes on i stop everything and rock the fuck out #same with summer belongs to you... and summer (man where do we begin) #lots of songs about summer #OH i learned the second one on guitar!!! #i think its one of my all time favorite pnf songs #just AHDJADKLAJAKLHDSLAJKSD :)))))) #AGH i did it again XD i was like oh let me put something on to wind down before bed and now im more awake and excited #this is exactly what happened as a kid when they were like okay go to bed once the movie's finished! like BRO i need to think about it #although waking up and immediately shaking your friend awake to ask what they thought about the movie is a good feeling lol #wow as kids we would just get up and be READY #now i need like an hour wake up period to like feel like a person and not a zombie lol #i mean i still am like that sometimes but i gotta be anticipating stuff like that #well okay okay now im gonna actually relax #listen to something on youtube or a podcast or something #connor talks

[violetlilysunshine]

Plenty of Times

Boyfriend Chris Evans x Female Reader

Requested - Anon: Hey! Is it all right to request for Chris Evans where reader comes in after a girls night and just dotes on him and loves on him and its sickeningly fluffy and he’s like what’s gotten into you? and reader breaks down because one of her friends vented that her husband is abusive and neglectful and she sees how important it is to have a good man in her life 🤍

WC: 1,619

Warnings: Pet names [bubba, babe, honey], talk of a bad relationship [neglectful husband - but not about Chris/reader], mention of phone sex [but it doesn’t happen here]

A/N: I’m so so so so sorry this took so long, I’m working on clearing out my inbox though! 

IF YOUR NAME IS SCRATCHED OUT I CAN’T TAG YOU - I’VE STARTED REMOVING PEOPLE, SO IF IT’S NOT WORKING AND YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED SHOOT ME A MESSAGE AND WE’LL FIGURE IT OUT

MASTERLIST - Join my TAGLIST

You haven't gone out with your friends in so long. You’re all busy with your own stuff - work and relationships, some with kids to care for. So, when the opportunity arises, Chris encourages you to take advantage of it. 

The night was pretty simple, dinner, a couple of glasses of wine, and a few shared desserts before everyone was ready to head home. Most of your friends were not night owls like you by any standard, so when dinner wrapped up early, it was no surprise. At least that meant you got to go home to your man. 

“Bubba?” you called as you walked through the front door.

“In here,” he answered.

You followed his voice to the living room, finding him lounging on the chaise sofa, Dodger soundly asleep next to him. Some movie played on the screen; you hadn’t paid attention to it long enough to know what it was.

You headed to the connected kitchen, dropping your keys and purse on the island, hanging your jacket on the back of one of the barstools, and slipping out of your boots before hurrying back to Chris. 

He paused the movie when he heard you approach him from behind. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, your hands splayed across his chest, as you pressed a long kiss to his temple. 

He hummed at the contact, placing one hand over the top of both of yours, before turning his neck to meet your lips with his. 

The kiss was sweet and simple, you could feel him smile against your lips as you lingered longer and longer into it. 

He chuckled when you finally pulled away, a big smile etched across his face and a glimmer in his eyes. 

You unraveled from his neck and stepped around the sofa. Dodger finally perked up when he heard you walking and you greeted him of course. 

“Hey, bub,” you whispered, scratching Dodger’s head for a second before turning to Chris, “can we cuddle?” you asked quietly. 

“Sure, babe, we can always cuddle,” he answered with a small smile, opening the blanket for you. 

You slipped under, resting between his legs with your back on his chest. He wrapped the blanket and his arms around you, splaying his palms over your upper chest and rubbing gently, just as you had done to him. You ran your nails over his arm as light as a feather with one hand, the other rested on top of his clasped hands, tangling your fingers with one set of his as best you could in this position. 

You tugged on his hand, pulling his arm further over your shoulder so you could place kisses on his bicep. 

“How was girl’s night?” he asked, placing a light kiss to the top of your head.

“Fine,” you whispered, squeezing his hands for a second, “was nice to see everyone. They all seemed to need a good vent,” you ended with a breathy chuckle.

You felt his laugh rumble through your body, “don’t they always?” he asked, another kiss being placed on top of your head as he looped his legs around yours.

“Seems like,” you giggled, stroking his calf with your foot. 

“Well I hope it was nice either way,” he said, “I’m glad you got to see them.” 

“Mm, yeah, me too,” you answered quietly.

He slipped one hand from your grasp to grab the remote, causing a whine to leave your lips, disappearing into his skin as you had your lips placed on his bicep again. 

He chuckled at the noise, “want me to start it over?” he nodded, making reference to the movie.

“No, it’s okay,” you whisper, pressing another lingering kiss to his arm. 

“You sure? I’m not that far into it...” 

“I’m sure, I won’t really be paying attention anyway.” 

“Why’s that?” he asked, you could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Can’t focus with you wrapped around me,” you giggled.

“Mm, yeah, sorry not sorry,” he laughed, playing the movie again.

You giggled, bringing his hand up to your lips to give it a kiss.

He gave his other hand back to you and you entwined your fingers with it as well, giving both of his hands small squeezes every once in a while. 

You placed random kisses on his arms, pulling his hands up every now and again to press kisses to them as well. You didn’t want to do it too often, so you wouldn’t annoy him, but you couldn’t help but give him a few. 

You tilted your head to look up at him, his eyes focused on the movie before he looked down at you. 

“What’s up?” he asked, his voice sounding a little tired. 

“Nothing,” you whispered, passing him a small smile. 

“You’re lying,” he said, placing a kiss on your forehead, “what’s on your mind?” 

You sighed deeply, “have I told you how much I love you?” 

He reached over and paused the movie, quickly tangling his hand with yours again: “all the time,” he smiled. 

“And how great you are?” 

“Plenty of times,” he chuckled. 

“And how thankful I am for you?” 

“More than once,” he answered, a sense of questioning coming into his voice. 

“And how kind and good you are to me?”

“Never in those words, but you deserve it more than anything,” he said, “where’s this coming from?” 

“Jenn was really upset tonight,” you started. 

“And that has to do with me, how?” 

“She was talking about how rough her marriage is. And I know everyone says the first year is the hardest, but he doesn’t prioritize her, and never really has, and if I’m being honest I always thought she could do better; and she feels so disconnected from him and he’s so distant and she’s just not happy,” you rambled, tears pricking at your eyes, “and of course the whole time she was talking I felt so bad for her, but I couldn’t help thinking that I’m so lucky to have a guy like you and that made me feel even worse. Ya know? Like guilty because I was sitting there thinking ‘well at least I’m not in her shoes,’ and, god, you’re so good to me and I appreciate and love you so much. Don’t feel like I tell you that enough, but, you’re the best,” you finished, taking a deep breath. 

“Honey,” Chris soothed, “you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about, first off. It’s not your fault he treats her like crap, and all you can do is support her with whatever she chooses to do about it. She can leave, or they could go to therapy, or she might just ignore it all together, but the only thing you can and should do is listen to her vent and offer support, or sometimes advice if she asks for it.”

You smile, “I know, but it’s just a shitty situation. Like I wish she wasn’t going through it, because she’s great, and I wish he was as good to her as you are to me.” 

“Well no one’s as good as me,” Chris joked, trying to lift your spirits.

You laughed lightly in response, turning over a little bit and scooting up so you could lay face to face with him. 

“Second,” he continued, “I’m only giving you what you deserve. Wish I could do a lot more sometimes, if I’m honest,” he said almost under his breath as he wrapped his arms around your back.

“Chris, you do more than enough! I should be doing more for you!” 

“Babe, you give me everything I could ever want,” he smiles, “you’re amazing. Wish I could do more, like I wish I wasn’t away from you so much. Don’t like leaving you, ever.”

“You’re the best,” you lean forward, placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth, “you do plenty for me even when you’re away.”

“Not nearly enough,” he says, “gotta come up with something new for us.” 

“We’ve done plenty of new things while you’re away.” 

“Yeah? You think?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Hey, without you, I never would’ve tried phone sex,” you giggle, “love trying new things as long as it’s with you. Especially that thing...” 

He lets out a breathy laugh at that, “I love you too,” he says, referring back to your ramble but also your willingness to try anything for and with him.

You giggle, this time pecking his lips, “I don’t deserve you,” you whisper against his mouth. 

“No, you don’t,” he says shortly. 

You pull away from him, not expecting that to come out of his mouth. 

“You deserve better,” he smiles, a glimmer in his eye again.

“You’re so corny!” you laugh loudly, causing Dodger to grumble next to Chris. 

“Sorry, bub,” you laugh at Dodge.

“Let’s go to bed, yeah?” Chris suggests.

“What about the movie?” you ask, tipping your head towards the TV.

“Eh, won’t be able to pay attention now anyway, and I’ve lost the flow,” he shrugs. 

“Sorry to interrupt,” you whisper, stroking a few fingers across his cheekbone. 

“‘S alright,” he whispers, “like you better anyway.” 

“Thank you,” you whisper, eyelids heavy as they start to flutter closed for a kiss. 

Chris closes the distance between the two of you, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips, “I love you,” he whispers into your mouth. 

“I love you too,” you whisper back.

Your lips seal in a gentle kiss, and he brings a hand up to rest on your cheek before pulling back: “you can always make it up to me anyway,” he says, a smile giving away his attempt at being serious.

You laugh at him, “alright, bubba, let’s get you to bed.”

TAGLIST: @hogwartsmarvelmommy @tulipholland @cupids-crystals @sunwardsss @mrspeacem1nusone @elishi03 @golden-hoax  @patzammit @serrendiipty @katiew1973 @princess-evans-addict @high-on-darren-criss @gnemgn @amelia-song-pond @scorpiowidow @multixfandomwriter @wildxwidow @na-nou83 @fdl305 @gotbangtan @dumbhead1 @evansxchalamet

#chris evans #chris evans fluff #chris evans x reader #chris evans x female reader #chris evans x fem reader #chris evans imagine #chris evans oneshot #chris evans fanfiction #Chris Evans fanfic #cevans fluff #cevans #cevans x reader #cevans x female reader #violetlilysunshine #violetwrites

[yyxgin]

lee felix’s guide to hating you

— ♡ FIC BANNER MADE BY THE AMAZING @chogiwow !!

pairing: lee felix x fem!reader genre: college au, tutor au ; fluff, angst, slice of life, slow burn word count: 21 k warnings: mentions of alcohol, mention of weed, swearing, bad family relationships

a/n: this story is very briefly inspired by jaemin’s drama ‘the way i hate you’ :) also this idea has been in my mind for such a long time, so i’m happy i finally managed to write it. this is also my longest fic so far, i hope it’s worth it. uhh yea enjoy <3

taglist: @feyregels​ @missskzbiased​ @hyunyin​ @koishua​ @crispy-chan​ @rindomo​ @soulssung​ @thatrandomoneinthecorner​ @90shermione​ @chogiwow​ @creatichee​ @freckledberries​ @hyunnies-stars​ 

There’s a list of things Lee Felix knew before applying for college-- and that is: 1) he really, desperately needs a degree for his grandparents to value him as an equal adult, 2) college in young adult movies seems like fun and partying and alcohol really does sound like his wettest dream, 3) he doesn’t need to work for another 4 years, which is fun and 5) he is really, horribly bad at studying.

Here’s a list of things Lee Felix, however, did not know before applying for college, and even though it’s fairly shorter, it hits you in the guts deeper, and that is: 1) studying for college means never ending chapters of insomnia and 2) he is always going to feel like the second choice for everyone. 

You see, girls don’t like Felix that much. Well, that’s a lie-- girls do go after him, tell him he’s cute and his freckles are adorable, but that’s only after they find out there’s no use in chasing after his best friend Han Jisung when he gets himself a new significant other. Boys don’t go after Felix either. Why, you may ask? Read the paragraph over again-- just change the word girls to the word boys. It’s as simple as that. He’s always the second choice, the back-up plan. It feels silly to drag his grandma into this, really, but the truth is, he’s a second choice in every aspect of his life, and that, too, includes his big (and still growing) family that treats him as something less than a human just because of the fact that his grades aren’t as good as his cousin’s are and he doesn’t have a degree in biological science, although he’s too young for that and his college years only started. It’s hard, living in his shoes.

What is Felix, however, really good at? 

Cheating.

Yeah, well, you see-- it’s not funny to be the outcast of the smart Lee family and it’s also not enetaining in the slightest to be the only single one at family gatherings (read as: weddings, because every single one of his relatives decided to fuck up their life with marriage in the past three years for some unknown reason). So Felix does what he’s the best at, and that is going by his favorite life motto: fake it ‘til you make it. 

He cheats on every single one of his exams and believe me when I tell you he’s the top of the class just because he’s the best cheater in town. Good cheating techniques equal good grades and suddenly, Felix’s life seems much brighter when he spends his sleepless nights with creating cheat sheets instead of studying and copying essays written in korean, translating them to english and submitting them as his own because no one will ever notice-- his degree is within the reach of his hand and he can already feel all the grandmas of the family clapping in joy, maybe even wiping away a stray tear on his graduation ceremony in a few years with bouquets of flowers in their hands and expensive watches in their gift bags, ready to welcome him back into the family.. 

What he doesn’t expect, though, is the cute little saying of ‘every lie has short legs’ he swears he heard sometimes in his linguistic class before, coming to life right in front of his eyes as the professor of his Biology class makes him the assigned tutor of the sweet Y/N Y/L/N, because, well, he clearly doesn’t know anything-- what’s he supposed to tutor now? 

The best cheating techniques?

The freckled boy sitting in front of you looks at you with furrowed brows and you wonder what’s the matter with him. Is there something on your face? Are you not dressed appropriately for the occasion? I mean, it’s only a tutoring session, so you didn’t put that much effort into it, but judging from the casual outfit enveloping his body, he didn’t really try to look fancy either. So what was it with him that made him stare you down as if you had horns on your head?

“Shall we start?” he asks once he’s done staring, voice sounding determined. You wonder if he sees the hints of nervousness on your face and if he notices the way you shrink in your seat in the mention of biology, but you guess he doesn’t know you that well to know that you fear the subject as much as you fear dying. 

“Yeah, sure,” you nod, scooting closer to the edge of your seat so you’re not so far away from the table. Felix-- your new biology tutor-- is sitting opposite of you and it’s quite difficult to read the text book once it’s upside down, but you don’t dare to mention it to him for a reason that’s unknown to you as well. It’s like you don’t want to overstep any invisible boundary on your first tutoring session, and telling the person that is teaching you to turn around the text book so you can actually see and learn something seems to be one of the taboos in your eyes. 

You take a quick glance at the waiter that just stopped next to your booth and smile, opening up your mouth to order yourself a meal. “Can I get you anything else?” she asks.

“No-” Felix offers her with a shy smile, but you cut him off with a voice a little higher in the octaves, not wanting your tutor coming in between you and reaching your biggest goal you’ve set for yourself.

“Actually, yes. Could I please get the chicken wings? With fries?” you ask, trying to look as innocent as you can, smiling at her in politeness. You ignore the confused look Lee Felix is offering you from the other side of the table. You mentally send him a signal to tell him to mind his own business, watching the waitress leave with a nod and a polite smile. 

“Okay, now we can start,” you nod at him and focus all your attention to the boy with sandy hair in front of you.

“O...kay?” he answers, obviously trying to bat away his rising confusion, because ordering yourself chicken wings on your tutoring session is prohibited now, apparently. “So,” he starts, sighing and scratching the back of his neck, “what do you not understand from this section?” 

You nervously chew on the bottom of your lip. Well, that’s a sweet question, you think. It would have been much sweeter and much easier to answer, though, if you understood at least a bit from the things you’re supposed to know. You went to university with the urge to prove something to yourself, but the only thing you’re proving to yourself right now is the fact that you are actually kind of useless, when it comes to biology.

“Just like the… whole thing, actually,” you nod, trying not to look as defeated as you feel and also trying not to burst out in a manic laugh as you always do when you feel slightly nervous about anything.

“Cool, cool, yeah,” he nods, taking a deep breath in, turning the textbook around and sighing, “I don’t think I can help you with that.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” you ask, confused. 

Lee Felix is the top of the grade. He is the best at biology, he is the best at chemistry, he is the best at his farmacy class. You’re sure he’ll be a fine biochemist in a few years, when his college times are over. Lee Felix is the smartest boy in your biology class and you are, coincidentally, quite the opposite on this spectrum. Which is exactly why your teacher managed to make Felix tutor you in his free time. You weren’t surprised at the fact that the blonde boy agreed to this-- he was quite the sweetheart, really. All the girls in your class fawned upon the way his freckles shined in the sunlight and the way he opened the doors for older professors. He was quite the boy you would want to introduce to your parents. Not quite the one every girl goes after, but the one that you would want to settle down with after your college years are over.

So why is he, the sweet, but also smart boy that agreed to tutor you, now telling you he can’t help you?

“It’s just.. I’m not really good at this section, I mean-”

“Felix, you’re the top of the class. Of course you’re good at this section.” you mumble, gazing deep into his eyes, trying to search for an answer.

“I-” he says and takes a sharp breath in, stopping himself in continuing his train of thought and just opting to shrug, not giving you a proper response either.

You feel like someone just punched you in the gut, and that’s when you realise-- here it is again. Another person that doesn’t believe in you-- another person that needs proving that you really can do it, you just need a little push. You can see it in his eyes that he doesn’t think you’re smart or bright enough to pass the exams, you’re not good enough to get good grades. It’s nothing new to you, but it still haunts you just the same.

“Is it because you know I can’t do it?” you bluntly ask, sighing. 

“No! No, no, I never said that-” he says, almost panicking with the way his hands fly into the air hurriedly, waving them around as if it was meant to calm you down. 

“You’re acting like it, though. I promise I’m not stupid- well, maybe I am, but-”

“You’re not stupid! It’s me! I’m the stupid one here.” he says, effectively silencing you with his words as you stare at him, dumbfounded. He’s joking, right?

“How can you be stupid when you get only the best grades? Felix, if you just don’t want to waste your time here, tell me, but don’t try to hide behind poor excuses.” you roll your eyes, feeling frustrated at the boy’s antics. Does he really think you’re that stupid that you can’t see right through his lies?

“I cheat.”

You blink a few times as if to reset your brain, gazing at him with pure confusion written in your orbs. He cheats? No. That’s a lie. A person as good at biology as Felix can’t cheat. All his exams are on 100% and he never makes any mistakes. He’s the epitome of the smart kid. The little Einstein. The prodigy. There’s no way it’s all cheating.

“No.” you shake your head in disapproval. “Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying! Look, I genuinely, really want to help you. I really do. The thing is, though, I don’t know how to study. I make cheat sheets and I use them at every exam and every test, that’s why everyone thinks I’m super smart, but that is really not the case,” he shakes his head, staring into your eyes with his wide open in honesty, wanting you-- no,-- needing you to understand. “I would tutor you if I could, really, but I just don’t know how to,” he sighs finally, acting like he’s just given birth or ran a marathon, exhaustion written all over his face.

“So why did you offer to tutor me, then?” you ask.

He takes a moment for himself to collect his thoughts, before he speaks up again. “Well, I didn’t really want to get caught. You see, I would never turn my back to anyone. Really. So I thought I could at least try to learn something? So I could help you? But I failed, as always, so I’m just coming clean in front of you and you have to promise me you won’t tell anyone.”

The moment the last sentence leaves his mouth, you notice the apparent fear in his eyes, realising that he just shared an information with you that nobody really knows. It’s a secret he’s been hiding and keeping from everyone just to appear as the smartest one-- fooling everyone, including you. You feel even more stupid now, under his gaze. You feel played. You came to the tutoring, hoping to finally get a grip, when all you get is a person that is stepping all over the sandcastle of your fragile dreams, kicking every little piece of sand away with his lies. You know you shouldn’t feel so invested in this. You shouldn’t feel so hurt. But somehow, you still do. 

“So you just told me you are lying to everyone and cheating on tests and you want me to keep it a secret from everyone?” you ask in disbelief.

“Yes.” he nods, eyes hopeful. He’s been lying for the last year as if his life was depending on it and now he wants you to do the same-- keep quiet in front of everyone.

“And what do I do when the professor asks me why I’m not getting any better? Huh? Ever thought of that?” you leash out, harshly chewing on your bottom lip in nerves. “I want to pass. And I want to do it fair and square.” you get out in between your teeth.

“I didn’t… I didn’t think of that yet, but-”

“Leave.” you say, looking him sternly into his eyes.

“What do you mean, leave?”

“I don’t want to talk to you anymore. And you’re clearly not here to teach me anything, so you can just take your things and leave.” you spit out, crossing your hands over your chest.

“You leave, then,” he mutters, looking rather offended. You’re not sure why he’s the one hurt right now, but you guess that’s just how men and their egos are, there’s nothing more under his hurt eyes and shattered self-esteem.

“I ordered food, I’m not leaving.” you calmly respond. Once you say this, you’re reminded of the little quest you made for yourself. Never once did you feel silly for taking it so seriously in front of your other friends, but now, in front of Lee Felix with freckled dusted cheeks, you feel almost invisible as you realise why you even ordered the chicken wings and how you’re going to write a yelp review about them later.

Well, someone has to do it, and if not you, then who will, right? It’s the only valid way to find out who makes the best chicken wings in the town and not even your traitor-tutor is going to stop you now, when your list is only getting shorter and shorter. 

He stares at you for a few moments, dumbfounded, before he sighs and accepts his defeat. “Okay, I’ll just have to text my roommate to pick me up,” he admits.

You nod, just in time the server comes back with your food, offering her a welcoming smile. “Fine. But don’t even think of talking to me from now on. I’m not interested in more lies,” you spit at him, scowling as you take a look at the plate of chicken wings sitting in front of you in their full glory. You sense a very bad review, judging from the way the chicken wings look nothing like wings, rather full on small chickens dipped in oil, but dive in nonetheless. 

“Why do you have to be so dramatic?” he asks, voice coated in disbelief.

“Because I was scammed!” you yell out, mouth full of chicken, not caring a second about the way you might look in the boy’s eyes. Yes, you could have at least swallowed before speaking to him, but did you do it? No. No, you didn’t. 

“Oh come on-”

“Don’t even try arguing with me!” you spit at him-- quite glad that this time, it’s not literal-- and huff out in annoyance, when the door opens and a short boy with a bucket hat on steps into the bistro, the red fabric of the seats of the booths contrasting with his shoes in a way that makes you feel captivated, your eyes refusing to tear themselves away from him. 

The boy is taking quick steps to your booth and you almost choke on your chicken wings as you admire his full glory-- tanned skin and car keys in his hand, but his eyes meet the boy sitting opposite of you and that’s when everything clicks. This is not the boy of your dreams, this is Han Jisung. Your tutor’s best friend and roommate-- also known as the resident heartbreaker. You shouldn’t feel weak in your knees when you look at him, but that’s exactly what happens and you won’t feel ashamed about it. Well, not now, at least. In a few hours when you’re lying in your bed? Maybe. But I’ll tell you then.

“Yo, dude, I texted you like five minutes ago that I’m waiting for you outside, what are you still doing here?” he asks, furrowing his brows at his roommate and slowly moving his eyes to you, scanning you up and down, leaving your heart to do the stupid cartwheel you haven’t felt since, like, middle school. 

“We were in the middle of an argument, so I didn’t hear my phone ring.” Felix answers, glaring at you with spiteful eyes. You almost prepare to kill him with yours, but you focus on wiping the oil from the corner of your mouth and smiling heavenly, trying to look like a lady in front of your new visitor.

“Was Felix being absolutely unbearable again?” he asks you, surprising you with his subtle way of engaging you into the conversation.

You giggle, rolling your eyes slightly. “Yeah. You know him too well, don’t you?”

“Unfortunately,” he admits, looking defeated, when he moves his eyes to Felix, looking rather sulky on the red seat in front of you as you chat with his roommate, when Jisung’s tone of voice changes into a more worried one, speaking up again, “does she… did you…?”

“Yeah,” Felix just nods. 

Jisung sighs, sitting down next to his roommate, pushing him a little so he has more space in the booth. “What are you supposed to tutor her anyway?” he asks.

“Biology,” you mumble sooner than Felix gets the chance to speak up, motioning to the textbook still sitting at the table in front of you. 

The boy takes a look at the papers, his face changing from a focused one to a one more lighter, his eyes scanning the papers with ease. You notice his mouth moving a little as he reads the words under his breath, catching yourself from staring when you feel Felix’s eyes burning into the crown of your head, snapping you back to reality. 

“You know… maybe I could help you with that.” he says, looking like a business offering you a deal that you’re sure involves something illegal. He looks like a focused squirrel with his cheeks puffed out a little in what you sense is pride, something in his eyes glowing as you nervously chew on your bottom lip.

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course. I’m actually quite good at biology, to be honest. Well, not as much as Felix over here-” he jokes, scowling when the blonde boy punches his arm, “but I think I could tutor you a thing or two.”

“What’s the catch?” you ask, nervously watching him. Something in his composure is telling you he’ll want something in return, but you don’t know what yet. You’re quite sure you’ll sell your soul for the adorable boy in front of you if he asked you to, but it never hurts to ask beforehand, right? 

“What do you mean, what’s the catch?”

“Like… what do you want in return?” you muse out, taking a bite of a fry, noticing how soggy it feels under your teeth.

“Woah, you spend 15 minutes with Felix and you already think there’s something illegal behind everything? I’ll let you know, I’m better than that.” he scoffs. “I’m just doing it because I see how miserable you are. And I also don’t want you to tell on my buddie over here.” he adds, smiling warmly.

You take notice of the way Felix’s eyes grow twice their size and how Jisung’s knee lightly bumps into his under the table. It’s subtle, but you think that maybe this is when you fully fell for the short boy in front of you-- when he offered to save his best friend’s ass by helping out a lost girl with biology. And who are you to say no now? I mean, you need the tutoring nonetheless. Who cares if the boy tutoring you is someone else? Maybe it’s even more appealing to you this way, but you’ll never admit that out loud.

“Okay then, sure.” you nod, grinning from ear to ear, feeling satisfied.

“Great. Now, give me half the fries and we can arrange our next tutoring session,” he smiles, “oh, and I’m Han Jisung, by the way.”

He winks. 

You should be disturbed, but strangely, you’re not. You grin back at him, offering him the soggy fries you’re sure you’re going to give a really bad review in the evening, watching his composure change into a more laid-back one, engaging you in a conversation and slunging an arm around his best friend’s shoulders.

Lee Felix remains silent. He feels it once again-- he feels the loneliness of being left out. 

And he’s sure it won’t be the last time.

Lee Felix knows damn well how it feels to be the third wheel. He’s hung out with Jisung and his potential love interests multiple times, he’s even been on double dates with the said male, yet, he always somehow ends up being left out. So why does it still feel the same? Why does he still feel that restless feeling in his stomach, the emptiness in his chest, just like the first time? I guess you never get used to some things and emotions are one of them. No matter how much you argue that you know a feeling so well it doesn’t even surprise you anymore, it still hurts the same. That’s funny about emotions. Sometimes, they can’t even make you numb.

“Hurry up dude, the bistro closes in an hour and half!” Jisung rushes the taller male (not tall, just taller. Don’t misunderstand.) with his car keys in his hand, twirling them around his fingers in a nervous manner. Felix notices his roommate has put some effort into his outfit today, considering the lemon supreme shirt enveloping his body that he saves only for special occasions, yet, Felix doesn’t realise why he had to put it on when they’re literally just going out to eat some soggy fries in the bistro close to their house. He doesn’t ask, though. He doesn’t want the car key stuck in his forehead. He also doesn’t know why they have to rush so much, since they have an hour and half left before they close, but again, he doesn’t dare to say it out loud. 

Felix quickly puts his shoes on and rolls his eyes at his roommate. “I’m ready,” he announces.

Jisung swiftly takes a bottle of cologne from the table in their small hall (it’s so small they don’t even have a mirror in it, because there was no use in taking mirror selfies when all you can see on the picture is your phone case due to the fact that the room is too narrow for you to move further away) and sprays his body wit hit, efficiently confusing his roommate. “You wanna smell great for the waiter there? Because from what I remember, he was a stoner-”

“Oh, shut up. You never know when you’re gonna meet someone cute, am I right?” he asks, grinning from ear to ear like a cat, taking his backpack with him and opening the front door, “gotta look and smell presentable at all times.”

Felix wonders if this is why everyone always goes after his best friend. 

No, he thinks, it cannot be the cloud of cologne hanging around his body. It’s heavy and it makes Felix cough a little, but he tries to mask it, because he’s fairly sure Jisung won’t pay for his fries today if he doesn’t. And Felix is a simple man-- if he can get something for free, he will do anything to achieve it.

They arrive at the place in a few minutes and Felix can already feel his mouth watering at the thought of the salty fries and cheeseburger he’s going to get himself, joyfully skipping inside the bistro and waiting in the queue. Jisung follows him, standing next to him, efficiently covering the smell of the oil and all the good things on this earth-- read as fast food-- making Felix scowl. The boy behind the register, is, in fact, Na Jaemin-- the resident frat boy. Felix’s heard all about him from the girls staying at the dorms and to be honest, he’s quite glad he doesn’t have to live the stories of getting caught with weed at Jaemin's party on his own. That, and the fact that hot water runs in his apartment. Na Jemin might have the weed, but he surely doesn’t have that in his college dorm room. 

“Three milkshakes, two large fries, chicken wings and a cheeseburger, please.” Jisung orders, confusing Felix in one sentence. Since when is his best friend a bottomless pot for food? Is he really going to eat all of that?

“Coming right at you. Anything else?” Jaemin asks, voice considerate and polite, still turned on his customer service mode, even though Felix is sure him and Jisung have had shared a joint or two on one of his parties before.

“No, that’s all. Thanks, man,” Jisung answers, leaving with Felix right behind him. 

“Who’s gonna eat all of that? I hope you know you’re paying, and before you protest, yes, I did purposefully leave my wallet at home-” he rambles, still moving, when his train of thought is cut off by a person in his view.

You are sitting there in your full glory, smiling brightly at the boys approaching you. You’re dressed nicely, he notices-- you look like you put some effort into what you’re wearing. You don’t look that much different, but he can still see the slight changes you made to look neat. You’re glowing, Felix notices. You look excited.

“Hi, Y/N,” Jisung greets, taking a seat opposite of you. He doesn’t even give Felix an answer, he doesn’t even give him an explanation. He’s left there only to take a seat next to his roommate after collecting his thoughts, chewing on his bottom lip.

The conversation never moves his way. He is silenced. Felix wonders why he was even invited, watching the people behind the window laughing with their friends, happy to order some tasty food and have fun on this Thursday evening. He watches his friend and his classmate have fun-- well, as much fun as a tutoring session could be. You’re laughing at every single one of Jisung’s jokes and he swears Jisung’s eyes never leave your face, even when he’s explaining something to you. He wonders why Jisung didn’t tell him where they’re going. He wonders why he even had to come.

Lee Felix knows how third-wheeling feels. Yet, it still makes his little foolish heart hurt just the same every time.

You nervously chew on your bottom lip, cracking your knuckles in a habit your friends always scream at you for, waiting for your tutor-- well, he’s not really your tutor anymore-- to appear in the bistro on the other side of the town. You admire the decorations for a while, liking the way it looks modern here and the purple led lights make the whole place look aesthetic. You can already imagine multiple college kids going here and taking instagram pictures to look cool. It’s nice and you’ll definitely include it in your yelp review-- it won’t make it more stars, though, if the chicken wings don’t taste like heaven.

You tug on the sleeves on your hoodie, as if you were trying to make yourself disappear. I mean, you do feel embarrassing. You feel pathetic that it had to come down to this, but you guess desperate times call for desperate solutions. You’re not here to look put-together anymore. You’re going to show him your full glory and although you regret it a little, you still have a little spark of hope in you that Han Jisung-- the boy you, admittedly, were crashing on real hard right now, won’t find out.

Felix comes into the bistro in his full VSCO boy glory, as always. He is wearing a jean jacket and his freckled cheeks are dusted pink, you’d almost think he’s blushing all the time. He doesn’t quite fit the aesthetics of this futuristic looking bistro, you notice. The retro places you’ve been to so far fit him much more-- his sandy hair contrasted well with the yellow walls and red booths. It was starting to get a little repetitive, though, you must admit.

“Hi,” he greets you as he takes his seat, smiling at you with what you can only describe as a feeling of full uncomfort. You wonder what made him feel this way about you, but you don’t dare to think of it twice as you focus on the main quest of the day-- forcing him to teach you his ways.

“Hello,” you smile. 

Felix notices how natural you look-- it feels like now is the first time he’s seeing you in your full glory. You aren’t wearing your neat clothes for a meeting with Jisung and you’re not too casual like you were at your first ‘tutoring session’ either-- you’re just you. The way he doesn’t even see you in classes. He likes the fact that no one else than him can see you like this-- he likes the fact that Jisung is nowhere around, yet, he wonders why is that, exactly, since the two of you seemed to be hitting it off quite well so far.

Felix hasn’t been with Jisung when he last tutored you. He figured there’s no use, he’s going to get ignored all the time anyway. 

“So… what’s the matter?” he asks, folding his hands into his lap. He dares to take a quick look at you, noticing your worn-out shirt and dark circles under your eyes, worry washing over him. Did something happen? Was Jisung a jerk to you? 

“Well, I sort-of have a little problem,” you mumble out, tearing your gaze away from him. You seem shy for the first time in front of him and he wonders why. He doesn’t understand your sudden change of behaviour. This isn’t the you he’s used to. “Well, turns out, I am really stupid.” you propose, leaving Felix to gaze at you in surprise.

He chuckles. You swiftly look up at him with piercing eyes telling him to stop, and he almost does, but your face looks too adorable when it’s scrunched up like that, so he only giggles once more. “You’re not stupid.”

“I am!” you whine out, finally letting your whole shy facade fall, exposing the true you once again right in front of Felix’s eyes-- direct and fierceful. “Even Jisung’s tutoring isn’t helping and I feel so stupid with him! And I don’t want him to think that I’m stupid, even though I am, and I just… I can’t pass my exams like this, so I need your help.” you say, eyes big, looking almost pleading.

“And I am supposed to help… how? Exactly?” The confusion is written all over his face, and it almost makes you frustrated. You knew he must be smart, if his cheating has been so good he’s getting through college with straight As, but really, is he really that smart if he can’t read in between the lines?

“Help me cheat.” you quickly get out, biting down on your lower lip just as you say it, as if you were regretting it.

The silence that overtakes the two of you feels like it’s slowly going to eat you up alive, angrily biting into your skin. It feels heavy and suffocating, your palms sweating as you watch Felix blink at you with mouth agape, breathing in and out. You pray for him to make up his mind soon, or else you’re going to run out of the bistro without a yelp review, tearing the skin of your cuticles as you see him blink quickly a few times before shaking his head in disbelief, clearing his storage.

“You want me to help you cheat?” he asks for clarification, furrowing his brows at you.

“That’s correct.” you nod, chewing on the inside of your cheek. You haven’t been this nervous since you took your college entrance exams, and that shows a lot, considering you used to say that has been the most difficult experience of your life so far.

“Because Jisung…. isn’t tutoring you well enough?” he asks again, making you roll your eyes in annoyance.

“Hey, don’t put the blame on Jisung! I’m just stupid, that’s all.” you say, looking down into your lap, because his gaze suddenly feels like he’s judging you and you really don’t feel like maintaining eye contact with him when you’re under pressure.

“If you don’t stop saying that, I will kick you.”

“You wouldn’t dare-”

“I would and I will-”

“Okay, but is that a yes, then?” you look up at him with hopeful eyes, resembling a puppy just a little too much, and, well, Felix can’t just reject you now, can he?

“I.. guess…?” he says, watching your face light up in joy as you clap a few times in excitement. 

“Great! Can we start today? We have to start today! I brought my text books and papers and sharpies and-” you are cut off by Felix’s face lighting up at the sight of you, his eyes looking warm and admiring. You quickly shake away the excitement before it goes too far and you actually go to hug him or something, taking a deep breath in and out to calm yourself down.

Just in that moment, the server appears with two servings of chicken wings and two large fries, making Felix look at you in confusion. 

“I ordered you food, since I thought we’ll stick around for a while..” you mumble, seeing him eagerly nod and take one fry into his hand, biting down on it with a face full of pleasure. 

“Perfect. Just let me eat a few of these and we can get right into work, I promise,” he mutters with a mouth full of food, prompting you to take a bite yourself. It doesn’t taste the worst-- the bistro you went to after prom last year was definitely worse than this, but still, you don’t think Felix’s face quite resembles how the food tastes. He looks as if the Queen of England made it. In reality, it’s just a soggy fry. 

“Why do you always order the same thing? Aren’t you tired of eating the same thing over and over again?” he asks suddenly, examining your face with real interest. No one’s ever noticed your eating habits before, just shrugging off what you order every single time. Your little fast food experiment has been a secret so far, even though it wasn’t that hard to cover it up-- nobody really cared until now. 

You feel blush creeping on your cheeks as you shrug, feeling a little embarrassed for like the hundredth time today, when you reply to the boy in front of you. You know his secret, so it only feels valid for him to know yours. “I have this experiment… like, I try chicken wings and fries at every single bistro, restaurant and fast food chain in the town to find out which one’s the best…” you mumble, looking into your plate instead of facing him out of the ugly feeling of patheticness creeping up your back.

“Oh, that’s cool!” he exclaims, pointing his fry your direction, a response you didn’t quite expect, “Where do they have the best ones so far?” he asks, genuine interest painting his features.

“Oh,” you get out, feeling your lips unvoliteraly tug into a smile, “I don’t.. I still have a few bistros and the McDonald’s on the highway out of the city left, but I’d say the best ones so far were at Wendy’s. I didn’t quite like the chicken wings there, though, so…”

“Hmm,” he nods, deep in thought, “we just get food at where’s the closest.” he says, munching on a chicken wing. “I guess we could pay a little more attention to the food from now on, because after eating this, I’m never going to eat the food from the bistro right in front of our flat again.”

“Yeah, that bistro’s really awful. I only gave it around 2.5 stars, I think-” you say, before you realise you just spilled out another secret to him, feeling your cheeks heating up. 

“2.5 stars? What, do you write yelp reviews or something?” he asks, clearly amused by your accidental spill-out.

“And what if I do?” you defend yourself, glaring at him with fake annoyance. No man will ever make fun of you because you write yelp reviews. Not Lee Felix, even though he seems too nice to actually make fun of you because of something, not anyone. 

“That’s cool, though! Those help so much when you travel,” he says, eagerly nodding at you with big eyes and an adorable grin plastered on his face, making you feel understood and happy with just the sudden sign of acceptance. Turns out your little weird obsession isn’t as embarrassing as you thought it was. Or Lee Felix really is the sweetest guy walking on this earth. Either one is fine in your books.

You stay there for a few hours and Felix teaches you the basic cheat codes-- never meet the teacher’s eye, never finish your tests too quickly, always forcefully pick the wrong option before scribbling it out and putting in a correct one to not seem too suspicious. He even takes a piece of paper from you and scribbles down the basic cheat-sheet making structure. 

He feels good with you. He feels useful. He knows he shouldn’t be teaching you this, but really, is it really doing any harm? We all have to go through college somehow.

Yet, all evenings always end the same for Felix, with a bad feeling in his gut and a fake smile on his face hiding the true meaning behind his actions. He’ll never be the first choice and you remind him even today, after you leave the ‘tutoring session’ with a quick hug to the male, lowering your voice so only he can hear when you pay him your goodbyes.

“Don’t tell Jisung, okay?”

Of course. It’s all because you don’t want to look embarrassing in front of his best friend.

It goes all how you planned it to-- you’re sitting at your next tutoring session with two males in front of you. One of them is your supposed tutor and one of them is a boy that’s helping you pass your exams for real. You’re into one of them, even though you shouldn’t. You wonder how you even ended up in this mess. You swear you were a good student in high school, always submitting your assignments on time and making sure your tests were on 100%. It was kind of fueling your ego, in a way. You had no other plans in your life to hold on to, no dreams to dream, so you reasoned to do the only thing that you were good at-- getting good grades. You had to prove to yourself that there was a reason, a meaning behind your life. You had to prove to yourself that your existence was valid.

You watch Jisung with interest. You pray to god that he doesn’t catch you in your act, because that would surely be embarrassing. You don’t want him to find out that you’re just fine with cheating, because that meant your tutoring sessions with the male would end and there was no other reason for you to see him. You knew Han Jisung wasn’t interested in you. You were sure you’d see it on him if he was. And even then, you weren’t interested in only a short relationship without any good point. You liked Jisung, but you didn’t like his reputation. One week wasn’t long enough for you to waste your time on him and get your heart broken. You weren’t sure if he was a player, or if he just wanted to desperately find the one by trying all the possibilities, but you weren’t going to find out. 

Felix watches you with interest in his eyes-- but you don’t notice. He prays that Jisung doesn’t find out about your secret little ‘tutoring sessions’, because that would mean he wouldn’t have a reason to hang out with you anymore. And Felix really doesn’t want that to happen. For some reason, he doesn’t want you to ever frown. And he’s sure that’s exactly what would happen if Jisung cancelled.

It doesn’t click to him what’s happening inside of his little, foolish heart when he sees you smile at Jisung and his stomach fills with worry. 

It doesn’t click to him what’s happening with him when every time Jisung subtly takes your hand in his makes his insides twitch in frustration. He thinks it’s just because of the fact that he’s third-wheeling again, like all his life, and maybe that is partly true, but it’s not the whole reason behind the cloud around his head.

It clicks only when him and his roommate are back home, sitting at the dinner table with the left-overs from the new bistro you three went to, munching on the chicken wings and another pack of soggy french fries and the cola they had in their fridge.

“So… what do you think about Y/N?” Jisung asks suddenly, making Felix furrow his brows in confusion.

“What should I think? She’s smart, I guess…” he mumbles, mouth full of food, not quite grasping the full meaning of his roommate’s question. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Jisung quickly nods in approval, “she’s getting really good. I mean, you can still see she’s having some troubles when I’m tutoring her, but at least she always gets good grades on tests now,” he says, biting down on another piece of chicken wing. Felix feels a wave of pride wash over him after hearing the words-- of course you’re doing well on exams. It’s all Felix’s doing. You’re a quick learner, when it comes to cheating. 

“Yeah, she’s good,” he says. 

“Well,” Jisung suddenly starts, meaning to sound nonchalantly, but only sounding like he’s determining his biggest life secret in front of his friend instead, “I like her.”

Felix almost chokes on the piece of chicken in his mouth, trying to play it off with a small chuckle. “Oh? You do?”

“Yeah. Should I.. Should I ask her on a date or something?” he asks and Felix swears he can see his friend’s cheeks reddening a little, even though the last time he’s seen Jisung embarrassed was when he accidentally called their Math’s teacher mum in eleventh grade. 

“You don’t date, though,” Felix opposes.

“That’s not true-”

“Two weeks long relationships aren’t relationships, Jisung.” 

“Not my fault they’re never the one! It gets boring after a while, Felix, I can’t just-”

“Why are you even asking me this?” Felix suddenly cuts him off, glaring at him. He doesn’t know why he’s reacting in such a way. It’s not like it’s the first time Jisung is going to date someone for two weeks just to break their heart, it’s not the first time they’re going to run after Felix a week after just so they can still be around the one that broke their heart. This time, though, he does not want to see another heart get broken.

“Jesus, chill, man… I was just asking, since you two seem closer. Did she mention anything about me? Is she dating anyone?” Jisung asks, eyes lighting up.

Felix could be an asshole. He could tell Jisung that you’re already dating someone, he could tell him to back off and that you’re not interested. However, he does not do that. Instead, he does the quite opposite. He pushes his best friend into asking you out, he tells him he should try it, because that’s just the kind of person he is. Besides, he knows you’re into him. Maybe the smile on your face could make him forget about the fact that you’re going to get your heart broken. 

“Sure, go for it.” he shrugs, “I don’t really care anyway.”

“Fine, then-”

“I’m gonna shower.” Felix says, quickly standing up from his chair and moving to the bathroom, quickly escaping the conversation.

Only then he realises what he feeling in his gut means, only then he notices the way his sigh feels like the weight of the world is sitting on his shoulders and he can’t breathe any time you’re around Han Jisung. 

He realises he likes you. 

And clearly, you don’t like him back.

Emotions are something you never quite get used to. Even the emotion of feeling rejection, the emotion of always being behind his best friend’s shadow. Lee Felix is always just the friend. Never the love interest. This time, though, it feels even more heavy, because in a way, you seem way more special in his eyes than the people that went after him just to get with his best friend.

This time, he does not want to see another heart get broken. Because it’s your heart we’re talking about.

And to prevent his heart shattering to even more pieces, he has to do something.

He has to stop liking you.

As soon as possible.

“Y/N?” 

“Mhhm?” you ask, raising your eyes up from the cheat sheet you’re creating with Felix’s help, the grease of the fries you’re eating glistening on your chin. You’re with him in a yet another crappy bistro, trying yet another soggy fries, and even though there’s nothing special on you to a stranger’s eye, Felix’s heart can’t help but run twice the speed of light. 

“How do you stop liking someone?” he mumbles, furrowing his brows a little, deep in thought. 

“Oh, do you like someone?” you ask, and Felix momentarily lights up at the thought of you caring if he’s interested in someone, but when his eyes meet yours and he notices them glistening and lightening up in curiosity, he realises it’s just because you’re happy for him. As a good friend should be. 

“No, no,” he quickly shakes his head in disapproval, snickering to himself, “I’m just asking. Because, think, what if, hypothetically, there’s someone who is into someone else. Easy, right? But what if their best friend likes the same person? And you know you shouldn’t like them because they’re into their friend as well? What is there to do at that point?” 

You scan his face for a few seconds, thinking to yourself. “Hmm,” you start, “I guess you have to start hating them. So the feelings disappear.” you nod, satisfied with your answer.

“How’s that possible?” he asks, scoffing.

“Well, I don’t know, since it’s all hypothetical anyway,” you giggle, focusing back on your cheat sheet. Your notes are getting smaller and smaller and Felix notices the improvement in your small lettering, making your cheat sheet less noticeable. You’re learning quickly.

“Oh come on,” he whines, kicking your leg under the table, “talk to me. How can a person start hating someone? Give me a tutorial.” 

“Well, since you really need to know,” you roll your eyes, putting away the pen from your hand and resting your back against the seat of the booth, “there are a few steps you can take.”

“For example?”

“Well, you have to stop hanging out with them, first thing’s first.” you start. “Because if you don’t hang out with them, you will eventually hate the fact that they’re not near, which will, logically, make you hate them instead.”

“Is that really logical, though?” Felix asks, furrowing his brows at you. In his books, this made no sense at all, but you seemed pretty satisfied with your answer.

“Of course it is! Then, you have to find something about them that you can hate. Anything. Find even the smallest thing, and blow it up in your mind until you hate it. Easy, right?” 

“...I don’t think that’s helping at all,” he says, tone of voice unsure. 

“Of course it is! You’re just refusing that it can be true, because you think I’m stupid.” you stick out his tongue at him, focusing on your work instead.

He kicks you under the table, making you scowl. “Ow! What was that for?”

“I told you that if you’ll make that comment again, I will kick you. So I just did right that.” he says. “Besides, your ideas are stupid. Not you. There’s a difference in that.” he smartly points out, making you roll your eyes at him.

“So, who is it that you like?”

“No one. I told you, it’s hypothetical.” he glares at you.

“Right,” you nod, sighing, “well, I’ll just stick to that, since that means Jisung doesn’t like anyone and I still have a chance.” you smile at him, obviously missing out on the way your words just punched him into the gut. Felix laughs it out, kicking you in the shin instead.

“Right. Of course you do,” he nods. He wishes he didn’t mean that.

You two remain in silence for a moment, while you get back to your work and Felix pretends he’s playing a game on his phone. You don’t notice the way his eyes scan you over, admiring you, once in a while. No one ever does. He guesses this is the perk of always being just the friend. The one people are friends with just because they want something from him. The one that gets taken advantage of. He chooses not to think about it more. Maybe if he did, he could hate you over it, if he wasn’t so used to that feeling anyway. 

“We should hang out on the weekend,” you say, taking him by surprise.

“Oh?” he mumbles out, “with Jisung?”

“No?” you furrow your brows, “look, I know I look like I’m obsessed with him, but I actually just want to hang out with you alone as friends once in a while, you know.”

“We’re hanging out now, though.”

“It’s midnight, Felix,” you point out, “and we’re working. I want to hang out with my friend, like a normal person, you know.” you shrug.

“Yeah…” he says, when your words resonate in his mind like a broken curse. ‘Don’t hang out with them.’ Don’t hang out with her. You have to hate her. He has to start hating you-- there’s no other way. And so, he turns to taking your words into consideration. He can’t meet with you if he’s not ‘tutoring’ you. There’s no way. “We’ll see. I’ll tell you if I’m free.” he smiles warmly instead, because truth be told, he’ll never tell you no to your eyes. He’s always been a bit of a coward. And he also doesn’t want you to frown. Ever.

“Great!” you smile. 

And when Felix comes home that night, at 2am in the morning when his roommate is already asleep-- not knowing of your secret meetings, he lays down in his bed and repeats your advice like a broken mantra. He can’t like you. He has to hate you.

Lee Felix’s guide to hating you: 1. Don’t hang out with her. Only meet her when it’s necessary. If you don’t meet her, you’ll start hating her absence, resulting in hating her altogether. 2. Find a small thing about her to blow up so much you start to hate it. 

That’s not difficult. He hates that you like Han Jisung. It’s a small mistake, a small flaw, but he’s ready to blow it up so much he hates you for it. He hates that he’s not the first choice. He hates that you don’t like him.

Maybe he would hate you more if you were dating his best friend for real.

Lee Felix’s guide to hating you: 1. Don’t hang out with her. 2. Find a thing to hate about her. SUCCESS! 3. Set her up with Han Jisung.

Now, this plan is bulletproof, isn’t it?

Felix unexpectedly breaks the first step of his guide only a few days later-- on a chilly friday afternoon, when his body is hurriedly skipping to the edge of the town centre only to meet with you. Just for the record, though, Felix didn’t intend to break the promise he gave to himself. He really wasn’t going to hang out with you if he didn’t specifically need to, but, well… you called Jisung to hang out. Felix’s heart almost skipped a few beats when he was added to a three-person big group chat with you and his roommate and at that point, he wasn’t going to reject an invitation to the fare in town, because he was fairly sure Jisung didn’t like rollercoasters and he wanted to see you laugh your ass off at him in front of everyone. Is it a little spiteful? Possibly. Does he care? Not that much.

Besides, it’s only one time. It will never happen again!!

He finds you with your black leather jacket on, stepping from one leg to the other, looking around like a lost puppy. Felix mentally curses at himself for not coming sooner so you wouldn’t feel so alone and awkward in the mass of people, when he realises he’s already 15 minutes late because of his afternoon class and his roommate is nowhere to be found.

“Thank god! I thought you were going to bail on me as well,” you call out when Felix is close enough, smiling at him.

“Where’s Jisung?”

“He texted me like 5 minutes ago that he can’t make it today. Something about his mum being in town? I’m not sure,” you furrow your brows, “at least you’re here now, though.”

Felix is met with the realisation that he’s left alone with you again, mentally cursing at himself. This surely does not look like a plan to hating you. It looks like a bullet-proof plan on how to fall even deeper for you, with how your stray hairs are flying around your head and you adorably scrunch up your nose and sniffle from the cold. 

“Should we go?” he forces out of himself, looking at you hopefully.

“Yeah!” you nod, striding a few steps in front of him like a happy school girl excited to go to school for the first time. Felix can’t surpass the gentle smile forming on his lips, shaking his head in disbelief. You look so cheerful and so joyful, making his heart swell with how easily you manage to make him feel so young again. 

He follows you gladly, managing to match his speed with yours, almost forgetting for a moment that he’s not on a date with you, almost forgetting about the fact that you like his best friend and the smile you’re giving him is nothing against the wide grin you offer to his roommate.

“Let’s go on that one!” you cheer, taking Felix by the hand and tugging him your way, not once giving him the opportunity of letting go as you drag him all around the fare. You remind him of his younger sister with how excited you get about the smallest things and he realises he wants to protect your heart from the world just as much as he wants to protect his little sister’s. It’s not the same feeling, though. The affection he feels for you is different. 

Felix doesn’t find it in him to tell you no whenever you tug him on another ride, even when his legs are tired and his jaw hurts from smiling. He finds himself wanting to capture your image into his brain forever, imprint the happy memory in there so he can find it and look at it whenever his heart feels lonely. For the first time in ages, he forgets about everything. He forgets that he’s just the friend, the other choice. He completely forgets that Han Jisung was supposed to be there, at his place, sitting next to you on the ferris wheel as you watch the night city under you with cold cheeks and frozen bodies.

“You must be sad that Jisung isn’t here with you right now. That would surely feel much more romantic than sitting here with me,” Felix says bitterly once the reality hits him for a second, once his heart is unsheltered for a short moment and your eyes meet.

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous,” you roll your eyes, “Jisung can’t be romantic. Besides, if I really wanted a date with him so badly, I wouldn’t have asked you to come with us, would I?” you smile at him, swinging your legs forward and backward, focusing your eyes somewhere into the distance again.

“Well, if you really want to go on a date with him, you can just ask him, you know?” he mumbles, playing with the dead skin on his thumb.

“So he can stand me up and go on a date with his mum again? I don’t know, Felix, is that really worth it?” you giggle, not noticing the way you’re messing with the boy’s head, not noticing the way a small spark of hope lights up somewhere in the deep pits of his stomach when you mention not wanting to ask his best friend out. 

“I don’t know, is it?”

“I’ll have to think about it.” you muse out, and the spark is gone. Of course it’s not that simple. 

Felix just nods and grins at you. The chilly air helps him hide his red cheeks when he thinks of how embarrassing his thoughts must have been in the past quick seconds. He focuses on your face, on the way your eyes crinkle up a little when you stare somewhere far into the distance and your hair flies a little with the breeze. The ferris wheel just reached the top, so he has plenty of time to keep admiring you from so close, but somehow, the moment still feels so short and he wishes he could stop the time. He wishes he could stop the time so he didn’t have to face the reality when he comes down from the ferris wheel. He wishes he didn’t have to see you fall in love with his friend, he wishes he didn’t have to act like he doesn’t care at all. 

“Thanks for helping me, by the way. I wouldn’t have passed my exams if it wasn’t for you and that… that would be really hard on me.” you get out, locking your eyes with his sincerely. He sees your eyes shining even so high above the ground, convincing him the sparkles really must be the stars, when he takes a deep breath in and responds.

“It’s no problem, I get it… I mean, it’s what you gotta do. What we gotta do, when we want to pass. And graduate,” he chuckles. 

Does he really want the degree, though? Or does he just need it to feel like he has some worth? Does he want to graduate or does he just want his parents to value him as an adult, does he really want to continue working so hard on passing or would he just be so much happier if he just dropped out. And saved himself so much stress. He should have known he was never smart enough for college.

“Yeah. I despise the smart kids in our class. I wish I were them,” you scoff, “I despise Jisung, in a way, too,” you add after a dramatic pause.

“Jisung?” Felix furrows his brows.

“Yeah,” you nod, like it’s the clearest thing in the world, “I mean, he’s smart enough to pass. He’s… he’s got his life figured out, in a way. He’s just fine. Getting all the girls and the guys, getting good grades, going on dinner dates with his mum on Fridays,” you giggle, “I mean, I want that. That sounds nice.”

Felix huffs, staring into the distance, “I guess you’re right.” He knows damn well how jealousy feels. 

“I came to college to prove to myself that my life has some worth, but I guess the only thing I prove to myself is that I can’t even pass my exams without help.” you sigh, sounding defeated.

“Hey,” he nudges you a little with his foot, “don’t say that. Life isn’t about grades, degrees and that shit. Of course you have worth and value.” 

He sees you smile in defeat, leaning your head on his shoulder. The feeling of acceptance, pure understanding washes over the two of you, when you gently speak up again. “Try to explain that to my brain.” 

He lightly giggles. “I’m trying, as you can see.”

You look up at him from his shoulder, scrunching up your nose and leaning closer to him, whispering. “It’s not working.” you laugh.

“I know it’s not easy,” he shakes his head, “I’ve been trying to tell that to my family for the past 21 years.” he slips out. Something about you makes him spill out even things he’s never told anyone before, but he finds himself not caring as you approach his eyes with pure serenity mixed with melancholy.

“Is it all because of your parents?” you ask, “the cheating, I mean.”

Felix feels his eyes giving him out, so he chooses not to look at you anymore. “I mean, I would have dropped out long ago if I didn’t have to feel so worthless around my family then. Every single one of my cousins is smart, has a degree and earns a killing. I’m just me-- living from the money I earned over summer, trying not to lose my mind with biology.”

He hears you humming next to him, your head moving as you nod in understatement. The ferris wheel is slowly reaching the bottom again and Felix finds the fact quite relieving. He doesn’t mind having deep talks with you, he just fears he might spill out something both of you don’t want to hear.

“I’m glad you came with me today, Lix.” you smile at him once the two of you reach the bottom, “wanna hear a secret?”

“Spill it out,” he dares you, grinning.

“I only invited Jisung because I thought you didn’t want to hang out with me alone.” you confess, quickly turning around in your spot as you jog a few steps in front of him, carelessly, as if you just didn’t make Felix’s heart stop and insides twitch in excitement. He prays and hopes it’s not just you giving him false hope, he wishes it’s not his mind playing tricks on him. 

“I-” 

“And now that I know you don’t mind being around me, do you wanna go to the dog cafe with me next Wednesday? You know, the one I talked about.” you turn around, flashing him a smile worth a billion dollars, taking him by surprise as his breathing hitches and he doesn’t find it in him to reject you ever again.

“Sure.”

Second step of Lee Felix’s guide to helping you: find a small thing about you he doesn’t like to blow up so much he starts hating you altogether. 

He was so sure that he found the small thing just a few days ago. He thought that the fact that you like his best friend could be enough for him to start hating you. He could sit on that thought for long enough to pick it up to the smallest pieces and over-analyse it to the point he could start hating you. 

And he tries to do just that-- he lies awake at night thinking of how every single person he’s ever been interested in slipped right between his fingers just because of Jisung’s existence. He wonders why he’s never good enough to anyone, why he always has to be the second choice even for tutoring (even though it’s not even tutoring, but we won’t talk about that anymore). He thinks of how you’re so foolish to think your relationship with Jisung is going to last, because Jisung’s feelings never stay the same for long. He over-analyses the smallest things he notices on you when you’re in Jisung’s presence until the point he’s almost sure he can do it, he can hate you for it just a little, in a way, but then, the thought flies right out of the open window as his roommate crashes into his door in the middle of the night.

He startles awake, sitting up at his bed, watching the short male going in with much difficulty, sitting on his bed without a word.

“Jisung?”

“Lixie, I fucked it all up, didn’t I?” Jisung whines, laying down on the bed next to his friend. Felix doesn’t think it’s only due to the late hours of the night that his friend’s words aren’t making any sense, but he doesn’t dare to put his finger on it until he makes sure for himself.

“What are you talking about?”

“Y/N.”

Your name coming out of his lips hits Felix like a baseball bat, hurting in all the right places, as the young male finds it in him to continue the conversation.

“What about her?”

“She asked us to hang out together. And I didn’t go. I know it wasn’t my fault, because my mum was in the town, but still, I feel so bad, because now it must look like I’m not interested in her and that I don’t care and I really don’t want that, you know?” he stummers, making Felix realise his friend talks a lot when he’s under the influence of alcohol just the same second Jisung’s breath catches in Felix’s nose, only proving his point. 

“You didn’t fuck it up, don’t worry.” he muses. And it’s true. Jisung could never truly fuck it up with anyone. Even his exes always crumble up around his feet, wanting attention even after getting their heart broken. Will it be the same with you?

“She must think I don’t like her. And that’s horrible-that’s- that’s- I like her. Very much,” he whines again, getting closer to Felix and wrapping his arms around the blonde’s torso in a wave of affection that only washes over him when he’s drunk.

“Sung-” he stutters, desperately trying to push him away, but even though Jisung doesn’t look like it, he is a strong individual when it comes to involuntary cuddling. Felix can never escape his arms.

“I think she’s special, you know? She’s like- I can’t explain it. It’s like with her, I actually want to try. I want to ask her on dates and love her and give her my heart, because you know, I never dared to give my heart to anyone. And no one’s ever made me feel truly special before…” he mutters, forcing his nose to Felix’s neck, “I’m rambling too much, aren’t I?”

“Yeah,” Felix sighs, nodding. He doesn’t battle his arms anymore. Jisung is his friend, at the end of the day. He can hold him when he needs it.

“Sorry.” he says shortly, sighing as well. The room falls into silence and Felix’s head spins again, his thoughts spiral like a tornado and the eye of the storm is you-- standing there with that stupid smile on your face and he once again realises that he needs to hate you in order to shelter his own heart, because you’re like a hurricane when it comes a to a person’s emotions.

The fact is, though, he could never hate you for liking his best friend. 

Han Jisung is too likable for his own good. His heart is too big for this world, and truth be told, he’s been sharing it with everyone for such a long time now, he deserves to find someone he’s willing to give his all to. 

He could never hate you for liking Jisung-- the boy who smiles at everyone in the halls, the boy that offered him to live in the flat his parent’s bought for him in freshman year, the boy that helps him hide his cheating secret every day. He could never hate you for liking Jisung, because he himself knows too well how much of a treasure his dear friend is. 

He gets it. He gets why people always choose Jisung over him. He could never blame you.

“Sung?”

“Hmm?”

“Ask Y/N out to the dog cafe on Wednesday. She'll love it.”

Felix could never hate you.

Step three of Felix’s bullet-proof guide to hating you is quite simple and actually the only one he completes with success. Setting you up with Jisung on a date is easier than he ever imagined, considering the fact that his roommate decided to finally take things into his own hands and call you on a date after the drunken weeping episode in Felix’s bed. 

Jisung invites you on a date to the dog café in town. The two of you go on Wednesday and although Felix feels like he just gave his roommate a piece of him, an invitation that was never meant for him in the first place, he feels at ease, because at least one part of his plan is working. He could never hate you, but at least now, it will be easier for him to ignore his growing feelings for you when you spend all your time with Jisung on dates and ice cream runs. He only has to ignore his feelings in school and at your ‘tutoring’ sessions. He wonders how long these will be a secret in front of your new boyfriend. Jisung’s not your boyfriend yet, but Felix can only imagine how short the time he isn’t is going to last. 

Felix does the stupid mistake of opening the instagram app in the evening, when he’s curled up in his bed with an embarrassingly big bowl of popcorn on his bed side table, serving him as his depression food. He sees your post show up, an adorable picture of you from the dog café, a big golden retriever in your lap as you giggle at its face. The picture is candid and looks like the kind Felix would like to keep as his lock screen if he had the chance. He’s sure his best friend took it for you not only from the fact that you went out with him tonight, but also for the fact that he’s tagged in the post’s description with a big blue heart emoji. 

He could stop staring at the picture if he really wanted, he could mute your posts and pretend you never existed to shelter his poor heart. He could do everything in his strength to cut all his ties with you. That would make it so much easier for him, wouldn’t it?

But he doesn't. And maybe he doesn’t even want to-- he’s used to the pain anyway, isn’t he? The bitterness, the feeling of being pushed away, ignored and left forgotten. 

He was supposed to be in Jisung’s place now, but that doesn’t change the simple fact that he isn’t-- maybe it was never his place to claim anyway. 

Felix stares at the picture for minutes, wondering of how things could be if you only didn’t fall for his best friend. Or if he came with you today. Who knows, maybe it wasn’t too late for him to ask you on a date. Maybe he could still change your mind. Felix likes to give up on things too quickly, though, and that is the curse that will follow him his whole life. 

Lee Felix is good at cheating. He is insanely good at it, he would also say it’s the only thing he’s ever been good at. Pretending.

It’s his time to shine again. It’s time to pretend he doesn’t like you, pretend you don’t hurt him, pretend he isn’t in love with his best friend’s crush. He’s been always the best at cheating and now it’s time to cheat his way out of liking you. 

Sounds easy, doesn’t it?

“You must be really hungry, if you’re planning to eat all of that in one setting,” Felix mumbles, watching you as you eat yet another plate of chicken wings in yet another pointless bistro in town. Felix wonders how you even know about all of these, since the one you’re both sitting in right now, in the middle of the night, looks rather lonely. It doesn’t even seem that welcoming-- it has graffiti on the walls and the seats are a little torn on the edges, but you don’t seem to care as you munch on the chicken, eyes big when you stare back at your companion.

“I eat a lot when I’m stressed,” you mutter in between your bites, mouth full. You look natural like this and Felix realises this is you in his mind-- cheeks full of food, that little wrinkle in between your brows when you look at him, eyes staring big into his like a loyal dog. This is how he knows you, in your rawest form, and this is coincidentally, also, how he likes you the most. He loves and treasures every single version of you, but your late-night meetings feel of different kind of intimacy to him that he’s sure he’s going to think of even when he’s old and his college years are dusty like an old polaroid picture.  

“Stressed?” he asks, tone of voice a little more worried than usual. Felix always worries about you. Even when you quietly take out your cheat sheet from under the table and write your answers down. He doesn’t fear being caught-- he frankly doesn’t care that much, but he knows that you are having a battle with yourself and he really doesn’t want you to feel like you lost. He didn’t know it was so easy to put someone else first when you worry for the future. 

“The finals are coming up.” you clarify, the words coming out a little bashful and smitten.

“Oh.” he nods. 

You’re both quiet for a while. It would be cheesy to say the silence was comfortable, and Felix knows, he’s seen enough teenage dramas to know these words are used in situations like this, but the truth is, there’s no other way to describe it, and he understands that now. Your determination shines through all your edges and he’s glad you’re doing what you can with the resources you have. You’re not exactly studying for your Biology finals, but it’s still as hard and as stressful as that. It can feel a little embarrassing at times, but there’s no other way around it. You have to battle your enemy, even if it means the game is not fair.

“And those chicken wings are fucking good, dude,” you mutter after a while, offering him one of the paper baskets the server brought you a few minutes ago, looking rather stoned and not interested in your presence at all.

“Don’t tell me this rotten place is winning your chicken wings and fries contest,” Felix snickers, taking a bite that, to his surprise, actually tastes the best out of the amount of fast food chains and restaurants you’ve brought him to. You should never judge a book by its cover and this bistro is clearly one of the examples.

“I have only one place left to go, so we’ll see then, but I guess it might just be the top place right now,” you muse out, a wide grin decorating your features as you glance up at Felix that watches you scribble down your notes on a mini piece of paper.

“Wanna go with me there? After the finals, of course. We can celebrate if we pass,” you point out, licking your lips in nerves, “I don’t think I’ll need these ‘tutoring sessions’ anymore then, but I still want to hang out sometime.” you say, putting air quotes around the words tutoring session, looking at him with expectations in your eyes.

“Oh, sure,” he agrees, nodding. “I have to be there when you finally declare your last yelp review.”

You only laugh at him and shake your head, eating some more as you look down into your notes again, lost in work. “I still don’t get how you can do these so fast.”

“I already know what’s the most useful. You don’t have to copy the whole textbook on there.”

“You can never know! What if I’ll need it all?” you exclaim, only making him laugh harder.

He points his eyes out of the window, watching the empty parking lot. You didn’t come in your car today, telling Felix your house is close anyway, and Felix doesn’t dare to drive his car anywhere unless he doesn’t need to. He has a little bit of a trauma since the last time he drove with his dad and he almost ran the car into a tree, getting a shower of swear words and exclamations from his dear father, so he only drives his small white Renault when he needs to go home. Which is, coincidentally, next week. 

“I really don’t want to go home next week,” he sighs.

“Your family is still onto you for the smallest shit?” you ask, tone of voice sympathetic.

“Yeah. Can’t wait to graduate so I don’t have to listen to them talking about a degree anymore,” he rolls his eyes, “I only have to find myself a partner so my grandma can shut up about me being single all the time.”

You softly laugh, making Felix look at you for a moment, his heart skipping a few beats when your eyes meet for a little more seconds than usual. “I’m sorry. You can always text me, though, if you need anyone to talk or gossip with.” you say, averting your eyes from his.

“You’d have to be on your phone 24/7, then. My mental stability comes down by 70% when I’m back home and it’s already only on 15% now,” Felix snickers.

“Oh, I don’t mind. I’ll be staying here anyway.” you say, giggling.

“You’re not coming back home?”

“No,” you shake your head in disapproval, quickly glancing into his eyes before speaking up again, “it’s my parent’s wedding anniversary, so they’re going on a holiday. There’s no use in me coming home if I’m just going to be alone there anyway,” you shrug.

Felix hums, nodding in understatement. “That makes sense. I’m sorry you can’t meet your family on holidays, though.”

“It’s okay,” you say, “I see them often anyway. One Christmas won’t kill me. I have a whole season of Game of thrones to catch up on anyway.” you light-heartedly laugh, sounding like Felix’s favorite song. He smiles with you, shaking his head in disbelief at how positively you can always see the world, when he glances out of the window for a moment again, only to be met with a surprise. 

There are white flakes of snow falling from the sky and something in Felix wakes up-- something he’d call happiness, maybe even joy, when he quickly shoots up from his seat and calls you with excitement coating his voice, “Y/N! Y/N! Come on!”

“Come where? Felix, what are you-” 

He doesn’t let you finish as he takes you by the hand and tugs you on your feet, tugging you out of the empty bistro out into the dark parking lot, admiring the snowflakes falling onto the ground and every surface in his sight. He sees some stick into your hair, making him giggle as his outstretched hand dusts them off subconsciously, when he starts running around like a happy child, laughter coming out of his throat filling the silence.

“It’s snowing!” you exclaim, when Felix reaches your body frozen in its place again. He reminds you of a golden retriever when he jumps a little in his place, his feet happily crouching in the snow. You laugh at his antics when he starts acting like a little boy, this side of Felix being so new to you, yet you can’t help but feel your heart swell with admiration when he asks you to catch some snow into your mouth.

“Felix! That’s disgusting!” you refuse, laughing.

“Oh come on! It’s just water!” he cheers, leaning his head back and opening his mouth wide, waiting for the snow to fall into his mouth. 

“But it’s unhygienic and dirty! You have to be kidding me!” you still reject his idea, standing your ground firmly as always in your life so far, when a face of a boy looking like an angel takes you by surprise and his big eyes plead you in a way that makes you drop all your grudges and all your beliefs down, rolling your eyes when he pouts, leaning your head back as well and opening your mouth with a loud ‘aaaa’ sound to satisfy his foolish heart.

Once you both feel a snowflake hitting your tongues, you look at each other with your tongues out, laughing at how stupid the other one looks, pointing to your tongues. You shake your head. “It melted off, you stupid!”

“You did the same thing!” he bursts out laughing, bending over in the force of his emotions. You watch him with a wide grin plastered onto your face. It feels like watching a movie. You don’t think you’ll ever have a brighter memory with the boy in front of you, with his cheeks red from the snow and smile so wide it hurts both of your jaws.

You instinctively take his hands into yours, looking down on your feet as you start going around in a circle with him, going quicker and quicker as you watch your footprints in the snow mixing with his, the dry skin of his hands making you feel strange. You laugh out when your head starts spinning, looking up at him to find him already staring at you with stars in his eyes, when you wonder,

isn’t this how love is supposed to feel?

All of his life, Felix had thought that family gatherings could always either go two ways, and that is: 1) a normal, boring meet-ups where your grandma asks about how school’s going, when you’re going to finally find a partner and another one of your cousin’s announces their engagement party, or 2) the actual engagement parties-- every single family member including the senile grandma from mum’s side gets drunk and you don’t have to think about more fake reasons why you have yet to lose your virginity.

You see, Felix is wrong in a lot of things. And this was surely one of them-- it’s the December 27th and he’s sitting in his grandma’s old kitchen, the wind blowing through the cracks of her window and the sweets on the table have already melted from the heat being too high, because his aunt is always cold and they can’t compromise. That sounds fine, even usual, Felix would say, however, the fire lights up a few moments later when his head starts to hurt from all the talking and he begins to dissociate a little too much, meaning that his grandma now has to shift her attention from all of his other relatives to him, because how dare he stay quiet on a family gathering where he has nothing to add to the conversation, right?

It starts off as usual, the answers to these questions digged deep into Felix’s brain since the first year of college. He doesn’t even bat an eye when he answers the questions directed at his studies and grades, telling all of his interested relatives that he’s working hard and it’s paying off. Nobody complains or disagrees-- his grades are awesome. His degree is here soon. Felix almost thinks he’s over with when his grandma laughs at a poor joke that comes out of his mouth, but that was only a bad prediction as he moves on to questions about his love life, which are, believe me or not, much more boring and much more ego-hurting for the blonde.

“Do you have a girlfriend yet, Felix?” she asks, tone of voice sounding rather interested, but don’t believe her-- it’s only an act. She’s ready to laugh into his face when he gives her the answer she’s hoping for.

“No, not yet, grandma,” he mumbles, averting his eyes from her wrinkley face as soon as possible. He really doesn’t need to look at her any longer to know she’s silently judging him on the inside, because that’s just how his grandmother is. 

“That’s such a shame… I wonder why… You’re such a pretty young boy, aren’t you?” she mutters under her nose, tone almost whiney, “what about your roommate? Jisung, was it?”

Felix takes a deep breath in, closing his eyes for a second to calm his rising heart beat. He could have predicted questions like this coming, because the conversation always somehow diverted to his roommate even when he was at home with his family. It’s crazy, how everyone just seems to adore Jisung much more than their own family member. 

“He’s.. Yeah. He’s always with someone, you know him. Not now, though, now he’s single,” Felix nods, explaining.

“Well, I’m sure he’ll find someone soon,” she admits, “he’s such a gentleman. And so handsome as well, isn’t he?” she asks, his aunt from her right side nodding quickly at the mention of Han Jisung. 

“He always has so many people around him, he’s so charming. If only you were more like him, maybe then someone would date you as well,” his grandma says calmly, not even noticing the way her words cut deeper and deeper into Felix’s heart, kicking him and punching him like a boxing bag, “you should try to be more like him.”

Felix bites down on his lower lip, rolling his eyes. Frustration coats his voice once he speaks up, the built-up anger living inside of him like an animal kept well in its cage. He doesn’t want to let it out, because he fears what it might do once it’s free, but he still retorts to a dig addressed to his grandma, huffing in annoyance. “Should I send Jisung home instead of me next time?”

“Oh no, Felix, what are you even saying right now?” his grandma looks rather offended, eyes twice their usual size as she glares at him.

“Well, since you like him so much.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I was just saying that-”

“Leave it.” Felix says. 

The atmosphere is too heavy now, all eyes on him as if he was in a circus, watching him just moments before his breaking. He realises he no longer feels welcome in this place and maybe he never did, he just chose to ignore it by now, because that’s what he always does when a problem appears-- he chooses ignorance. Ignorance is Felix’s best friend, and although it may sound like he’s running away from his problems all the time, it’s always worked so far. He’s just protecting his heart, building walls around it. 

He doesn’t want to fight. He hates conflict. So, even though he’d like to snap, even though he’d like to leash out like an animal, he doesn’t. He steps back-- as he always does, taking the car keys from the table and escaping the house, hearing the calls of his mother after him. He doesn’t bother to say goodbye, he doesn’t even bother to look back nor take the Christmas gifts his grandma brought for everyone. 

He sits into the small white Renault he drives once a year when he comes back home, starts the engine and speeds up to the limit, driving away from all of his problems. He doesn’t want to hear their complaints, he doesn’t want to listen. It’s the best this way. He wants to ignore the words that came out of his grandma’s mouth, but he can’t find it in him as he hears them resonate in his head over and over again. 

He’s the second choice even in his own family. He’s a joke to everyone, isn’t he? Just the side character, the one that never gets the spotlight. It hurts, it hurts him so much, but he pays no attention to his blurry vision, because even though he’s fairly sure no one from his family would miss him, he doesn’t want to drive off the road and kill himself with his escape.

He parks the car in front of his and Jisung’s flat after a few hours. He’s fairly good at it, considering he never drives, and mentally puts up a middle finger to his dad in his head for screaming at him so much. He was in a much calmer headspace when he was driving with his dad than he was now, yet, he didn’t manage to drive anyone over. 

Putting his feet into the cold, empty apartment, turning the heating on and plopping down on the sofa, he once again realises how lonely it feels. Not only because of the feeling of abandonment the dark flat resonates, but also due to the fact that it truly feels like now, he’s all alone in this world. The silence screams louder than any words ever could, his ears lowly ringing without any sound in the small room, which makes him wonder if he’s truly the only one that has to spend his holidays pretty much alone. Maybe it’s his fault that he’s fucked it up with his family, who knows-- but that’s a topic for another overthinking session of his, when he decides to let it go once his eyes meet the snow silently falling down behind the window. 

The dark mixed with the white balls of fluff in the air remind him of you. Your bubbly laugh, the feeling of your skin on his when you held his hands and danced around with him in the snow. He feels a smile growing on his face, despite everything he’s heard today, his fingers involuntarily texting you to see if you’re doing anything and if you can hang out with him today. 

He meets you at the door a few minutes later, your nose runny from the cold and hands dry, smiling at you with a sense he can only describe as belonging, because he realises, maybe you feel just as lonely as him on holidays and suddenly, he no longer feels sorry for leaving.

“Why are you even here, Lix? Shouldn’t you be at home?” you ask him when you’re taking off your shoes and hanging your coat on the hanger by the door. He bites down on his lower lip to suppress a bitter chuckle. 

“Christmas got cancelled this year.” he shrugs. 

It’s not like he doesn’t trust you. You know better than anyone what his struggles are-- he asked you to keep his secrets numerous times. It’s just that now that you’re here, it’s like his soul finally feels calm and he no longer wants to whine about his grandma or his aunts anymore. It’s just you and him and the empty apartment. If he was anyone else, maybe he’d try to get into your pants. He’s just Lee Felix though, and he’s absolutely, wholeheartedly in love with you, he realises, and believe me, it kind of takes him over the edge, and so he doesn’t try anything. 

And you look at him in understatement, no other questions asked.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s all a capitalistic holiday anyway,” he shrugs.

You follow him into the living room and he throws the remote control into your lap, telling you to choose a movie before he comes back with popcorn. 

“If you don’t pick anything before I’m done, we’ll just watch Venom, I don’t care,” he says, seeing you adorably scrunch up your nose at him in response. 

When he comes back and you’re waiting for him with Howl’s moving castle paused on Netflix, he can’t help but grin at you. He places the popcorn on the coffee table and notices himself staring onto your body next to his far more often than the TV and wonders if he really drove away from all of his problems or if he just drove away from one problem to another, because now, it’s getting really hard to focus on staying away from you. 

And when you shiver and curl up into his side, placing your head onto his shoulder, he can’t help but jolt at the contact, staring at you in surprise. 

“It’s cold,” you mumble, pouting.

Felix smiles. He rolls his eyes at you, even though on the inside, he finds you absolutely adorable, taking a blanket from the side of the sofa and putting it over your cold bodies, tucking you both in. You feel warm against his side, your hand resting on his chest. He wonders if you can feel his quickening heartbeat, his stiff body and the nerves rising in his heart. Everything else disappears, the fight back home long forgotten and Han Jisung left somewhere home with his own family, the weight of your body overwhelming him when you fall asleep and that’s when he stops and thinks,

isn’t this how home’s supposed to feel like?

The halls of the university building are empty as Felix stands right in front of the closed door, silently pacing around the corridors and bumping his knee up and down. He just got his final’s results and even though his soul was supposed to be at peace, he finds himself stressing over you, currently sitting in the room behind the closed door in front of him, getting your final’s results from biology back. The professor decided to split your class into two groups for the finals so you can, quote, ‘focus better when there’s less people around’ and even though you managed to cheat on your exams without any problems, he still wonders if you did well and if you passed. 

Once the voices behind the closed doors get louder and louder, he figures it’s near the end of your lecture and he can finally see you again and ask you how you did. 

The last time he talked to you without the stress of finals breathing onto your back was back on Christmas break-- more than a week ago. Ever since then, you two have been meeting in the middle of the night again, preparing for your upcoming tests. You didn’t really manage to talk a lot about anything else and even though Felix didn’t mind, he still missed your mindless rambles and weird jokes you used to crack when you weren’t stressing your mind off. 

The door opens and reveals people coming out, a few of them wearing a toothy grin on their faces as they glance on the paper in their hands, a few of them frowning as they pin their eyes to the ground. It’s not easy to differentiate the ones that passed and the ones who did not do that well and even though Felix feels sorry for them, he wonders why they just don’t cheat their way out of bad grades just how he does. It’s not that hard. It just takes a lot of practice. 

Once he finally sees your face, a big, toothy grin decorating your lips, a big stone falls off his heart, a weight lifts itself from his shoulders, because frankly, you wouldn’t look so happy if you failed, right? You’re not a total psychopath.

“How did you-” 

His words are cut off from his mouth, all air kicked out of his body once he feels you so close, the soft skin of your lips pressed up against his in a happy kiss. He’s startled, to say the least. His cheeks are reddening in the instance and he doesn’t even know if time stopped or if it’s just the rising anxiety and excitement in his chest, but he bites down the confusion and kisses you back finally, closing his eyes and bringing you close by your shoulders. The kiss is a little sloppy and messy, but he doesn’t mind-- all that’s occupying his mind right now is you, your sweet lips, your mouthy kiss, your excited hands creeping up around his neck, your bag that fell to the ground next to his feet, your exam paper marked with the big red A+ flying around the two of you when you let it fall from your grasp, your hair tickling his cheeks, you, you, you.

There’s only you. In the air he breathes, in the ground he walks on, in his hands and on his mind. You’re everywhere. Intoxicating.

You pull away from him after a while, grinning at him. It still manages to startle him a little-- how just the small gesture can light up his whole world, how your smile can make him feel like he’s the luckiest person on this earth. He sees stars in your eyes and he wonders who put them there, hoping to be the one, believing he could finally be the one, with how you look at him and hold him in your arms-

but it’s Felix’s life we’re talking about. There’s only you, you, you and maybe somewhere, far away in the distance, there could even be him, but who’s always there for sure is Han Jisung.

Han Jisung staring at the two of you from the open door, mouth agape in shock. Han Jisung with trembling hands, Han Jisung with his books clutched close to his chest as Felix’s heart drops and reality finally hits him. You were never supposed to be his to kiss. You were supposed to be Jisung’s-- his roommate’s, his best friend’s -- you fell for him long, long ago and that’s how it’s always been. 

He opens his mouth to say something, anything, to comfort his dear friend that looks like he’s heart’s being broken, but he finds no words in him to console his actions. He feels bad, he feels so, so guilty when their eyes meet, but he doesn’t manage to say anything before Jisung turns around the corner and leaves. 

The sound of Jisung’s quick steps is the only thing resonating in Felix’s mind like a bell, a signal for him that he fucked up, he did a really, really bad thing. 

His insides clutch and eyes water in the empty college corridor when he wonders,

is this how it feels to break someone’s heart?

You kick the small rocks beneath your feet, gazing into the distance. The cold in your bones makes you shudder, your eyes trailing around the neighbourhood so foreign to you, putting your hands into your pockets so you shelter your fingers from the frozen air. You think how this place looks exactly as you imagined it to-- tall apartment complex and a single big tree in front of it, the cars parked in the driveway obviously having their spot as the neighbours have lived together for a long time to know not to park anywhere else, because it’s more efficient this way. 

You’re waiting and waiting, hoping to see the one you’re waiting for soon, because you doubt your confidence will last you for any longer if you don’t talk to him now. You could lie and tell yourself it’s okay and that you’re not nervous at all, but after Jisung ran away the other day and his roommate followed him a few moments later, you feel nervousness creeping into your skin after not seeing or hearing from Felix for three days now. 

You remember him telling you that he likes to go for late-night convenience store runs every evening to get his favorite snacks. It wasn’t hard to find out where he lives-- it’s the 21st century, for god’s sake. You asked a friend of his friend and here you are, waiting  for him to appear in the door of his apartment complex, ready to talk to him about the events of this week.

Once you hear the door opening, you feel your head snap to its direction quicker than the speed of light, knees almost getting weak at the sight of Lee Felix standing there, confusion written all over his face once his eyes meet with yours. The frown forming on his face only deepens your stress as you wonder if he didn’t want to see you today, which, considering the fact that he’s been ignoring you for the past few days, might just be the case, but it still makes your heart break just a little when you hear him sigh once he makes his way over to you, the sound of his sneakers on the ground being the only thing heard in the middle of the night.

All the snow has melted-- as if all the bright things have left just in time with it, leaving you sad and cold, the clouds of your breath hitting the cold air being the only thing reminding you of the weather as you feel your body heating up in his presence. 

“Can we talk?” you ask, voice steadier than you expected it to be.

“I- I mean,” he starts, a shaky and husky voice hitting your ears, signaling that he probably hadn’t spoken to anyone for a long time now, “you’re already here, so I guess…”

You nod at him, averting your gaze quickly to the ground, when you realise you suddenly don’t know what to say. You try to search for words, yet none come out of your mouth. Your mind is blank and it seems like his presence took away all your vocabulary, but deep on the inside, you know damn well that if you don’t speak up now, you won’t have a second chance and you really have to get it now.

“Why- why…” you mutter, “why did you leave without saying anything the other day?” you ask.

The silence is overwhelming as you start to hate the sound of your own breath, opting to hold it for a few seconds as you await his response. 

“I mean, isn’t it obvious?” 

You shake your head in confusion, finally meeting his eyes again. “No.”

“Jisung… Jisung saw us. I didn’t feel like it was right,” he explains, cracking his knuckles in a nervous habit you noticed in him a long, long time ago when he first tried to teach you how to cheat in class without getting caught.

“What does he have to do with anything?”

“You two like each other.” he says bluntly, taking you off-guard.

The moment these words come out of his mouth, you realise not one, but two things. One of them is fairly new to you, the fact that Han Jisung liked you back was something you never knew you could experience, but even though you should be flattered, you realise it no longer holds a meaning in your heart. The second thing is connected to the first-- and that is, Lee Felix doesn’t know that you like him now. His foolish, silly mind convinced him you were still in love with his best friend, his confused and frustrated brain didn’t let him realise that for a long, long time now, the freckled boy in front of you has been the only one you thought about when you were falling asleep at night.

You don’t even know when it happened. You guess it just did. You wondered how it’d feel to know what exactly made you fall for Felix, what that moment was, but something inside of you is telling you that maybe, it was even more wonderful this way. Unexpected, but totally reasonable.

“Why would I be kissing you if I still liked Jisung?” you ask, the fear of directly confessing to him and getting rejected creeping up in your shadow.

“I- I don’t know-”

“Exactly.” you cut him off before he rambles and manages to find a stupid, silly reason in his head to justify his wrong expectations. You know how he is-- if he overthinks things hard enough, he’ll surely find an answer. There’s none, though, so you don’t dare to give him time to think about it and ponder on the thought for any longer.

“But that doesn’t matter now anyway,” he shrugs, putting his hands into his pockets.

You wonder what’s going on inside of his head right now. You wonder if he regrets what he’s done-- if he wants to turn back time and never let you kiss him. The nerves make you bite down harshly on your bottom lip and you only catch yourself when you feel iron in your mouth, quickly licking your own wound on the surface of your mouth and take a deep breath in. 

“Why?” you ask. 

“Why would it?” he says, eyes boring into yours.

“Because… I thought it meant something to you? I mean, it meant a lot to me, at least. That’s why I’m even here in the first place,” you chuckle airly, feeling your throat get dry.

“I’m not saying that it didn’t, I just think it had no point.”

His words feel like knives thrown into your chest, like a fire burning the pit of your stomach. You feel your legs getting weaker at his arguments, your fingers harshly tugging at the skin of your cuticles hidden in your pockets. You don’t trust your voice to sound steady this time when you speak, but you don’t care. Maybe it’s time to show your real emotions. Maybe it will change Felix’s mind.

“And why is that?”

“Because people like you don’t date people like me. You’re supposed to be in love with Jisung. You’re supposed to be dating him, he’s supposed to date you. You’re too good for me anyway.” he shrugs.

“Is this all about Jisung?” you ask, eyebrows furrowed.

You watch Felix sharply inhale in and out, averting his eyes from your figure. The distance between the two of you is unnatural, as if to singal how the two of you are slowly drifting apart. You see him fold his hands on his chest, preparing for what he’s about to say.

“It hurt him, back then. And I hate that. He loves you and I just.. I can’t do that to him, when I know  how much he cares about you.” he says.

Love is a strange thing. You hear Felix say how much Jisung loves you, but is that really true? Does Han Jisung even know you? The real you?

Does Jisung know how you look with your mouth full of fries and a greasy forehead? Does he know how you look when you’re stressed out of your mind because of finals? Does he know your favorite bistro, does he know your favorite movie? Did you cuddle up with Jisung on the couch just because you wanted to be close to him, comfort him and tell him you’re there just a few days after Christmas? 

Or does he just know the self you put up in front of him when you went to meet him? The put-together you that cares even about the sound of your own laugh, not wanting it to sound ugly in his ears? 

Han Jisung can’t love you. He doesn’t even know you.

And you never loved him-- just for the same reason. The feelings you had for him were merely a feeling of attraction, so far away from love.

But now you know how you feel about Felix, how his smile lights up the world and how his presence makes you feel understood. How even the silence with him speaks louder than a million words, how he knows you like the back of his hand and how he treats you like his closest friend. You know that what you feel when you’re with him is stronger than anything you ever have and although it used to scare you for a moment, now you’re ready to embrace it and live with it, if he lets you.

Lee Felix doesn’t tell you he loves you. Maybe you can see it in his eyes.

Why does he have to put everything above love? Why does he care about Jisung more than you? It’s breaking your heart. 

“Felix… I’m sure he’d understand. He’s a good person. I’m sure he’d want you to be happy.”

“Y/N, you don’t understand-”

“He’s a grown adult!” you yell out, the built-up emotions coming to the surface in the form of frustration, your words sunding spiteful and angry. Maybe you are furious, maybe you are full of fire right now, but it’s all because of the boy in front of you and the things he refuses to let himself enjoy.

“Why do you even care about it so much, huh? I was your fucking second choice all along anyway!” 

You look at him in shock, your eyes watering at the sight of the frown sitting on his face. Something inside of you breaks and you think it’s safe to say it was your heart, choking you up as you shake your head in disapproval. 

“Felix-” you protest, but there’s no use.

You see him turn around on his heel, opening the door to the apartment complex and leaving. It feels like you’re losing him, it feels like he’s gone forever. He turned his back on you, refusing all the love you were willing to give him, all the love you were offering to him right here, your heart in your hands.

He gave up on your love.

People in movies go out to party after a break-up to get drunk and numb their feelings. They either go to the club or go to a stupid college party, which is, coincidentally, your case today, but you’re not here to get drunk tonight. You’re not here to drown out your feelings and numb your pained soul-- you’re simply here to try to have some fun.

Your mum told you long, long ago that happiness is a choice. You could argue with her and tell her that depression and heartbreak aren’t a choice and that they, by themselves, are causing people the most sadness, but you had to give your mum a point. If you don’t choose to try, if you don’t do anything to at least try to stimulate your own brain, you can’t expect happiness to find you by itself. That’s just, sadly, not how life works, and you weren’t going to drown out in your own tears just because of Lee fucking Felix, because if you weren’t worth trying for him, he’s not worth any of your tears.

You appear on Lee Haechan’s end of the semester party. You have A+ finals to celebrate and although you would be much happier to drink to them with the one that basically helped you get through the semester, you won’t pass the chance to socialize. You worked hard and you did a good job-- you deserve a party. Alcohol truly isn’t the best for your brain, but you will just decide to call it selfcare. It’s not like you’re getting blacked-out drunk tonight anyway.

You manage to have small talk with a few people from your class. Though it’s not exactly what’s stimulating your brain, you don’t mind it. You barely know these people and you couldn’t care less, but you guess this is the downside of socialising. 

The alcohol in your veins doesn’t give you a chance to loosen up, though. You only feel your body warmer with the beer hitting your system, but your feelings still taste of salt, your brain not cooperating with your grandiose happiness plan and you think the people talking to you notice, since no one really tries to keep you in a conversation long enough when you start to absently nod at them and pay zero attention to what they’re saying. You don’t blame them, though. You’d probably do the same in their place.

Your feet move their way to the front door when you decide that maybe your mum wasn’t right, completely ready to go home and pity yourself for a few more days before coming back to life, when a familiar voice calls you from behind, making you freeze in your spot.

“Y/N, long time no see.”

Han Jisung watches you with glossy eyes, yet he tries to look nonchalant at the sight of you. It doesn’t feel like his heart is breaking when he sees you right here and there, chewing on your bottom lip, more or less, it feels numbing to his heart and his head. It’s like he expected it all from the start-- the outcome that once so surprised him. But after all this time he spent overthinking and dwelling on the memory of seeing you kissing his best friend, it made sense to him. 

“Jisung…”

He can see your eyes growing worried when you watch over him and he mentally slaps himself for not handling his emotions with more care back then. He could have spared you a lot of pain and trouble if he hadn’t reacted in such a way in the doorway of your classroom, but the truth is, Han Jisung hadn’t really known just how much a true heartbreak feels and nothing could ever prepare him for the physical pain numbing his chest. He didn’t know it could hurt so much. 

He doesn’t want to worry you. You are still his friend, after all, right? That’s all you always have been and he should have understood it from the first moment he saw you gaze at his friend so lovingly in the university halls one day. He thinks you, yourself, didn’t even recognise the emotion in you when you watched over Felix with so much care, with so many stars in his eyes and a big grin on your face. He could never compare himself to Felix.

He doesn’t want to worry you anymore, and so he decides to talk to you like a friend would. You looked like you could use a friend tonight.

“How have you been?” he asks, smiling at you. He hopes his eyes convey the emotion he feels-- how after all this time, he still feels comfortable with you and desperately needs you to do the same. He can’t lose another friend. Not to love. 

That happens every single time. Truth be told, Jisung used to have a problem with differentiating true love from platonic feelings sometimes. He used to think he falls out of love just as quickly as he falls in, but the truth is that it was never even love at all. Sometimes, it was just pure admiration. Feelings for a friend. And he managed to ruin all his friendships just because he started dating them. 

And then, he just kept searching and searching for the right one, because no one ever felt right. No one ever made him feel loved, no one ever made him feel love. It felt suffocating, but so, so addicting. He could never give up on trying to find love.

And then he met you. And it finally made sense-- it finally felt right.

“I’m… I’m fine, thanks,” you say, smiling at him with that smile that still, admittedly, made his heart race and swell with love. He’s not afraid to call the emotion by its name. It doesn’t feel wrong. He used to think he wants it to stop, but the truth is, it still feels nice. 

Love feels like loneliness sometimes. It’s a bittersweet feeling. But it’s still so, so addicting.

“Are you sure?” he asks. He knows you. He knows when something’s wrong.

He also knows your eyes have been searching for his roommate for the past few minutes of your conversation. He knows you want to meet him and avoid him all at once, love him and leave him-- it was a paradox. 

He knows his roommate way too well, though. He knows he can’t fall out of love with you. He knows, though, that he’ll never act upon it. Lee Felix has always been the sweetest person in this whole entire world-- putting the needs of others before his own. He can’t keep doing this to himself.He can’t keep doing this to you.

“I think you know the answer, Jisung. Why do you keep asking, then?” you bitterly snicker, going around him and escaping the noisy house. Jisung doesn’t know if you want to leave, if you want to escape his presence, but he can’t leave you just like that, and so he follows you outside, seeing you sitting at the doorstep, as if you were waiting for him.

“You don’t have to think of me, you know that, right?” he says once he takes a seat next to you, watching your expression change into a pained one. 

“It’s… I don’t know. It’s complicated. And Felix- he doesn’t think it’s right. I can’t force him into anything. It was his choice anyway,” you mutter. Jisung sighs heavily, the feeling your words on his chest heavy and solemn. He hates the fact that he is standing in the way of your happiness. He hates the fact that he is the problem, the invisible wall keeping you two from each other. 

“It’s simple, though.” he shrugs.

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion, a heavy sigh escaping your lips. He takes it upon himself to explain before you begin to tell him that it’s not, opting to open your eyes on his own.

“You two are in love with each other. So you should be together. Isn’t that simple?” he asks, smiling at you subtly.

You scoff and shake your head. “He gave up on us.”

“Did he, or did he just do what he felt was right?” Jisung argues. “You can’t keep hiding from each other. You can’t keep trying to ignore your feelings just because I like you. That’s not fair for either of you.”

You don’t argue with him this time. He wonders what’s going on inside of your head at the moment, with your eyebrows furrowed and your bottom lip trapped in your teeth. You look just like all the times he watched you during your tutoring sessions-- focused and lost in thought. It will feel weird to not see you in that way anymore, but he has to try.

The same way Lee Felix always tried for him.

“You’re too sweet, Han Jisung. What a shame our timing’s off.” you say, bitterness coating your voice. He looks up at you again, wondering what your words mean. “I used to like you back then, you know,” you smile.

Here it is, the strange emotion again. The emotion of almost physical pain, a hand squeezing his heart, a knife stabbed into his back. It feels like his world is crumbling down on him, because he’s stupid-- so stupid. He could have had you back then. He could have been with you all this time, only if he wasn’t late. He missed his biggest chance, the biggest opportunity, the happiest time of his life. All because he was too hesitant. 

He didn’t deserve you anyway.

“But now your timing’s right with Felix. Don’t waste that,” he says, biting through the pain.

Because the truth is, if anyone deserved love, it was his roommate. The one that refused you for him, the one that rejected you for him, the one that set him up on a date with you even though you invited him in the first place. The one who gave up on his love only so he wouldn’t hurt his friend. You could say that Jisung was too good for this world, but Lee Felix is the one that deserves the whole entire world, in his eyes.

Maybe these two were just too good of friends. Caring about the other one twice as much as about themselves. And that’s exactly why Jisung will get over this-- he’ll push you to his friend. So he could be happy, finally. 

“Jisung, I don’t know-”

“Do it,” he cuts you off, “reach out to him again. Try it. For me.”

y/n: meet me at the 8Bistro at 9 

Felix can’t believe himself when he finds his legs moving to the direction of the bistro at the edge of the town. He knows it’s the last one on your list, the one you invited him to so you could celebrate your finals in and he finds himself wondering if he could have gone here with you earlier only if the two of you didn’t share that kiss back then.

That damned kiss he couldn’t stop thinking about for the last few days-- even weeks, every time he opened his eyes in the morning and closed them when he was about to sleep. It kept following him like a curse, a thing he couldn’t escape, as if it was testing him like the snake tested Eve in paradise. Foreign fruit. 

You’re sitting there already when he arrives, fingers playing with each other as you gaze at the door in expectation. He sees your usual order already on the table, assuming you got here early, but it’s untouched as your knee bumps up and down under the table and you bite down harshly on your bottom lip.

He takes a seat, allowing himself to look at you again after such a long time. It feels like it’s been ages, yet you still look the same to him-- the same beauty that hit him when he first met you and shared his biggest secret with you.

“Why aren’t you eating? You have to finish off your list,” he mumbles awkwardly, motioning to the food at the table.

“I wanted to wait for you.” you say. Your voice is quiet, almost shy, when you speak to him. He wonders just how much he fucked up that it made you act this way. He knows it’s probably a lot, but considering he’s sitting here right now, he can still fix it.

At least he hopes so. 

“Did you.. Do you want to talk to me about something?” he asks, nervosity filling his veins as he feels his hands form a little swimming pool with just how much he’s sweating.

“Yes,” you nod, taking a deep breath in and out. He wonders if you’re just as nervous as he is. The answer is probably yes, considering your tense shoulders and restless legs, but he doesn’t comment on it as he watches you begin speaking again. “I wanted to tell you that I’m- I’m in love with you. And that it’s for real, and it’s for you and no one else,” you start, quickly wetting your lips and continuing again, “and I know you must feel like a second choice, or like you weren’t important to me at all, but that’s not true.”

“You helped me so much, really, but the more I hung out with you, the more I realised just how wonderful you are. And how your heart is so big, how you’re fun to be around…” you ramble, taking Felix by surprise with your heart-felt monologue, “and that Jisung is not the one for me, because, well, it was just.. it was just a crush. I didn’t know him. He didn’t even know me that well. Crushes… they don’t mean anything. They’re silly. But what I have with you, Felix…” you say, drifting your eyes away from him for a second,

“I know you. The real you. And you know me. You’ve seen me at my worst. You’ve seen me struggle and you know exactly how to help. You know me and I know you and the feelings I have for you are much more than a silly crush. I love you, Felix. And I don’t want to just forget about us.” you complete and Felix swears he can feel his eyes watering at your words. He chooses not to speak up, afraid of his voice breaking, afraid he’s going to embarrass himself in front of you. His emotions got the best of him and right here and now, no one else matters. 

It’s you. You that feels like home, you, the only girl he’s ever loved. You, the only girl that ever loved him back, you, who he foolishly rejected. 

You’re everywhere. In his veins, in his heart, in his foolish, stupid mind.

“Felix… I don’t want you to give up on us.” 

He looks up, seeing your sincere eyes and a look full of worry. You seem so wonderful to him, even now. You’re everything he’s ever dreamt of, a home without a roof and walls. With you, he feels at ease. He trusts you. He’s never felt this way for anyone before.

He watches you and he hears your laugh, he hears your whines when he used to tease you so much. He hears the sound of your memories when he chased you around in the snow. He hears the opening song of Howl’s moving castle, reminding him of the warmth he felt when you hugged him so close that evening.

He used to want to hate you. He should have known that could never be the case.

You’re all he needs-- all he wants. You’re everywhere he looks, in every beauty of the world and in everything that’s dear to him. 

You, you, you, you.

And so he decides-- it’s time to change his plan.

Lee Felix’s bullet-proof guide to loving you: 1) hold her hand, 2) get rid of the guilt, 3) lean in and kiss her.

“Does that mean you’re giving us a chance?” you ask, hopeful eyes glaring at him with millions of stars in them, sparkles swimming around in perfection.

“We’ll talk after you eat. You have a yelp review to write,” he laughs.

“Feli-”

Lee Felix’s bullet-proof guide to loving you: 4) shut her up by forcing french fries into her mouth.

“I love you too.”

#districtninewriters #this one means a lot to me i surely hope it appears in the tags bc if not i will cry #kafenetwork #kpopscape #straykidsland #stayhavennet #stray kids #lee felix #stray kids au #stray kids angst #stray kids fluff #stray kids fanfic #stray kids fanfiction #stray kids imagine #stray kids scenario #stray kids oneshot #lee felix au #lee felix angst #lee felix fluff #lee felix fanfic #lee felix fic #lee felix fanfiction #lee felix imagine #lee felix scenario #lee felix oneshot

[rommahh]

Love On Tour…Actually

{Im sorry for how late this was. I went to the show Friday and honestly, it was the best day of my life. I had a little PCD which made me super unmotivated but I’m back. I love you all, R}

You woke up a little grumpy, you won’t lie. You didn’t like waking up alone especially on a show day. It made you uncomfortable to be left to your own devices without any structure or schedule. You understood that Harry was a busy man but it would’ve been nice to receive some text so you could plan your day accordingly.

Sitting on the couch in the lounge of your hotel room, you chowed down on leftover pasta while watching Netflix on your iPad. You had yet to receive a text from Harry even though you had texted him hours ago when you woke up. It was hard to tell if he was ignoring you out of anger or if he was simply just lost in track. Either way you felt dejected.

On the other hand, Harry hadn’t even noticed that he iced you. He was busy running around Nashville trying to get things ready for tonight’s show. He bought you a new dress and shoes, and got the ring fitted. It was hard to figure out your ring size but he end up measuring your finger when you were passed out asleep in bed last night. When you slept, you slept and he knew that would be the perfect time to measure your finger.

Harry was so busy that morning, that by the end of his errands he realized he didn’t even have time to go back to the hotel before rehearsals. He was sporting a small cough and his vocal chords felt overworked but that’s all apart of tour.

Pulling his phone out of his back pocket as he walked into the arena, he dialed your number quickly. He had people trying to talk to him but he paid them no mind.

“Oh? Would you look who’s here?” Harry’s head shot up to the sound of your voice. There you sat on his dressing room couch, arms crossed over one another as you glared at him. Your gaze burned through him and he could just tell he was in trouble.

“Hello lovie.” Harry rasped.

“Harry you sound like shit but here you are up and about running around. You should’ve slept in this morning.” Scolding as you stand up to walk in front of him. Harry could feel the anger radiate off of you but you hid it well. He melted into your hands that cupped his warm cheeks.

“I had a lot of errands to run and I didn’t want to wake you. Also it’s just a sore throat from singing and traveling- comes with being on tour.” He mumbles dropping his head into your neck. You caress the hairs on the back on his neck and massage the tense muscles.

“You’ve got to think about yourself more, Harry. You have a show to put on but you can’t put on your best show if you’re not at your best. I am not happy with you at all.” Even though your words were scolding him, you held him your arms in the most soothing way. That’s what Harry loved about you, you cared for him like no one else could (aside from his mom). You could tell him off with your harshest words but he’d always feel your love from miles away.

“You’re right love, sorry for not keeping in touch today.” You hum in acknowledgement. You both pulled away from each other when his driver walked in with Harry’s abundance of bags. “Thank you, sir.”

“What all did you buy?” You ask walking towards the bags. Harry’s arm shot out in front of you making you stop. You looked up at him in shock. “Fine be secretive.”

You huffed before making your way back to the couch. Harry rolled his eyes at you, making way to his shopping bags. Plucking the bag from Nordstrom he plopped it down on the table in front of you.

“I just didn’t want you snooping at some other stuff. I bought you this, for tonight.” He sat down beside you, thighs touching leaving no room between you two.

“Im not trying to be mean. Just a little peeved that you left this morning without telling me. You also have a cold and I wanna take care of you since you won’t do it.” A hand rubs his forehead luring his eyes shut.

“Sorry baby, I thank you for caring so much.” He whispers sleepily.

“Im always gonna care for my bubs.” Kissing him on the lips, your turn your attention to the bag. The small grey bag had light tissue paper covering the product within the bag. The tissue falls to the floor as you dig into the bag. A silky champagne dress, folded neatly to decrease wrinkles, sits in the bag. The dress was soft and you knew it was loose enough to give you the room to dance. Soft snores escaped the boy beside you- the exhaustion evident on his face.

You pull the dress out of the bag and walk over to where his outfit of the night hung. The dress was hung beside his to be steamed for later. Turning around, you smile at the sight of your curled up boyfriend. Your heart hurt knowing that in a few minutes he would have to go rehearse.

Harry sleepily went through rehearsals sitting in a chair the whole time. He knew his stage cues and performance, he only had one more thing to rehearse but it required for you to not be in the room. He gave one look to Jeff to signal him to get you out. Jeff made up some excuse saying that he needed help with some social media post for the show.

Before the show, there was a catered dinner from some local restaurant. Harry ate a light meal of fresh vegetables and a sweet iced tea which has grown on him having lived in the states for some years. You ate grilled chicken and fries enjoying the free food. The two of you ate alone in his dressing room- wanting a moment of piece before the crazy.

“How are you feeling?” You ask Harry. He shrugs, he was more nervous than anything but you wouldn’t understand why if he had told that to you. He felt floaty. Tonight would be a game changer, a step in a whole new direction. This is something he’s wanted to do for years now but it’s finally happening, and he’s scared.

"Im ok, a little tired but what else is new. I can't wait to sleep all night and cuddle with you." He grabs your hand from across the table. you squeeze it, frowning at his revelation.

"I don't like that you're so tired." You worry, his hand squeezes yours in reassurance.

“Im ok, it’s all apart if the job.” He looks down to your bare ring finger, thumb brushing over the empty spot. Your nails were done in your favorite way, some funky pattern you found from Pinterest all painted on short coffin nails.

“I love you Harry and I’m so proud of you. I know that these years put us both in a bad place mentally but I’m happy of where we are now.” Harry could almost tear up to your words. They settled into his mind, resonating. He was making the perfect decision and you solidified that ideal.

2014

Harry didn’t know how they did it. A show every night, a new state everyday, a new country every few months- he was burnt out. He was tired of shared tour buses and the lack of autonomy. Last nights LA show was amazing, the crowd was amazing, the energy was amazing- so why did he feel so horrid?

He walked around in The Grove, security guards walking in front and behind him. He wanted a peaceful day alone but here they were. Fans watched suspiciously trying to decipher if it was Harry or not. His hat and sunglasses were obviously not the disguise he thought they would be.

As the whispers got louder, his heart started to flurry more. Panic seeped into his veins as he looked for an escape. Bolting in the Barnes and Nobles- security guards close behind- Harry asked for the employees to close shop just for a moment. Harry only needed a moment to get a car near by to escape to. Feeling overwhelmed, Harry hid.

In between the historical fiction and romance aisle is where he sat. Head between his knees, trying to catch his breathe.

“Are you ok?” A voice asked from above him. His head whipped up in shock. Standing there was you, three books clutched between your arms. Adjusting your dress you dropped down to the floor in front of him.

“I-im fine, tired but fine.” He replied. He looked different than he did the night before, you thought. Last night, he was energetic and full of life and now, now you saw a boy whose exhaustion overpowered him.

“You here for any books?” You were just trying to change the subject, something you did with yourself when you had panic attacks.

“Oh no, I don’t-“ he stuttered shaking his head. You smiled at him before pulling a book from your stack. The fault In Our Stars, your new favorite.

“I love this book, one of my favorites. Heard a movie is coming out too so that’s fun.” You joke. Harry’s relaxed slightly, you nestled closer to him. Opening the book, you began reading, your gentle voice calming Harry.

At the start of chapter four, an interruption pulled you both away. Harry’s security guard told Harry that a car was waiting and the perimeter of the store was clear. Harry nodded telling the guard to give him five more minutes.

“I guess this is it.” You mumble closing your book. Harry nods but makes no move to leave. Something clicks in him as he looks at your face again.

“You were at the concert last night, meet and greet?” He muses.

“Yeah, One Direction is my favorite band. My friend bought our vip tickets for my birthday. Best night ever.” You say quietly, scared that he might think that you’re some obsessed fan.

“Oh, well I’m glad you enjoyed the show….so why didn’t you freak out today or- or expose where I was?”

“You’re a human being, just like me. You get nervous, frustrated, and sad just like me. You get panic attacks just like. Who am I to treat you differently?” Your words did so much for Harry. “Now don’t get me wrong, you’re my favorite in the band, but I don’t idolize you nor do I wish to be in your position cause I know it must be hard.”

“It is. Hard, I mean, really really hard. I love my job but I’m tired.” The silence you two shared burned a connection between you two. “This may be weird but could I have your number? I like talking to you and I wanna hear more of this book.”

Placing your hand made bookmark in the book, you closed in and gently placed it on Harry’s lap. “Have it. I have one at home and if you still want to talk about it- I’ll give you my number.”

Harry stills as the book sits in his lap. “I want to talk to you about the book.”

After exchanging numbers, Harry was urged by you to go. Walking side by side to the door, you were separated by his security.

“Harry, don’t let this keep hurting you. Find the joy and grasp on to it.”

You turned out to be his joy. Calls every night after shows and different books being read together, you both gravitated towards each other. Everyday was a new day to grow closer together. He invited you to more concerts, paying for every ticket because he just needed to be with you.

The show was going beautifully. Harry looked amazing in stage in all white and most fans were captivated by your outfit too. It worried you to see Harry so exhausted on stage but you knew he would stick it through like he always does. Proud was an understatement in your eyes. Harry made you more than proud.

You stood in the back of the watermelon pit at the end of the aisle where his stage stopped a few feet away. Jeff stood beside you like he normally did but he was acting suspicious. You two never stood on the side of Harry’s exit but this is where Jeff said you’d get the best view tonight.

Harry sang his final ‘we’ll be alright’ before doing his stage stroll and bows, but instead of finishing in the middle of the stage- he went down stage to the place he normally exits to at the end of the night. You watched in confusion, along with the crowd, as he walked down the steps to you. The crowd erupted in screams as the lights focused on where you were standing.

“What are you doing?” You asked with large eyes of shock. You felt your heart stop in your chest. The crowd getting louder by the moment. Harry walked closer to you, one hand digging into his pocket while his eyes focused on your face. You couldn’t place what was happening but you’re eyes welled with even more tears nonetheless. Jeff was to the side with a huge smile and his phone out to capture the moment.

“Y/N, my love, my light, the best thing that has happened to me,” he didn’t have his mic on so the crowd couldn’t hear him but you could hear him perfectly. As if you two were the only ones in the large arena, you could only see Harry. “From the moment I met you in the bookstore, I knew you were meant to be in my life. Somehow you took me from my darkest place and guided me to my lightest.

I know our lives have been hard but we’ve always found a way to be alright. I want that for the rest of my life. I want you to be by my side for the rest of my life, so will you please, my love, marry me?”

You gave him no time to answer as you yanked him up by his arm. You wept as you exclaimed loud yeses, yeses that could be heard by a few fans who screamed in excitement igniting the rest of the crowd to scream. Harry picked you up in his arms, throwing one arm out to wave at the crowd before bounding backstage.

“Oh my god Harry!” You exclaimed as he set you down. He only had a few minutes to talk so you kept it quick. You pulled his face down to your kissing his lips. This kiss pulled you both deeper into each other.

He pulled away making you whine. “I gotta go back but I promise you’ll get it all tonight. I can’t believe you said yes. I love you so much.”

Harry’s energy multiplied by 100 going back on stage. He even went as far as to explain what watermelon sugar was about. Remembering when the song was made, it made your legs clench together- a pulse overwhelming your lower regions.

Looking down at your hand, you could feel yourself tear up again at the ring he bought you. It fit perfectly in your hand, you remember him measuring your hand that night even though he thought you were asleep. The thought of your future made your heart swell. A future with new music, a wedding, a nice house, and babies made your heart swell. This was something you couldn’t wait for.

Harry found his joy in you but he never knew about the joy he was to your dark life.

#harry styles love on tour #harry styles x y/n #harry styles smut #harry styles imagine #harry styles fic #harry styles one shot #harry x reader #harry styles x reader #harry styles love on tour nashville

[mercy-burning]

Affection

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Spencer and Y/N decidedly hate each other. But when a near-death experience puts one of them in a coma, their mutual hatred might have to take a backseat— Or will it? Category: Angst / Happy Ending! + Humor and a lil bit of Fluff Content: Strong language, Reader is in a coma, mentions of injury, kissing Word Count: 2.6k

MASTERLIST

NOTE: This one’s for Pom’s ( @imagining-in-the-margins ) September Writing Challenge, Enemies To Lovers! I have another one coming up as well, but this idea wouldn’t get out of my head ever since I watched The Abyss with my dad and I had to get it out 😅 I hope you like it!!

———

I swear to fucking God, if this motherfucker really thinks he—

That was the last thing Y/N thought before she was knocked out cold.

With her line of work, it was natural to assume that she was thinking about the unsub, but unfortunately the criminal she and her team were tracking down was the farthest thing on her mind. Spencer would have chastised her for it— letting something else cloud her thoughts while she was in a dark alley, alone, and with a serial killer on the loose.

"You should be smarter than that!" she could hear him say in that high pitch he always carried when he was upset— especially with her. "If you don't get yourself killed one of these days, then it'll be the rest of us!"

Thinking about it made her blood boil.

"It's your fault," she wanted to tell him. "I had to blow off some steam because you were pissing me off!"

The only thing was... She couldn't tell him.

Well... She could.

He just couldn't hear her, because no one could.

It was like some stupid, cliché movie, where you found yourself standing over your dying body and having to choose whether to live or not. It seemed like the obvious choice, to fucking live, but... Y/N found herself wandering around her hospital room, yelling into the void and attempting to jump back into her own body.

Nothing was working.

And when Spencer showed up, his face red and his hair and clothes all messed up, she wanted to scream at him.

"Hey!"

Nothing. He was practically lifeless as he drifted to the chair next to her bed and sat down. It was nearly impossible to read from his expression and body language how he was feeling, and that alone was enough to make her angry again. (Not that the anger had really gone away since waking up next to her comatose body, of course.)

"Hey! Dumbass!"

Still nothing.

As Spencer just blankly stared down at Y/N's bed, she decided she'd had enough.

"SPENCER FUCKING REID, IF YOU DON'T HELP ME RIGHT NOW I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL HAUNT YOUR ASS UNTIL THE END OF ETERNITY, AND I'M GONNA LAY FAT, STINKIN' GHOST SHITS IN YOUR SHOES, DO YOU HEAR ME? AND—"

"I hate you."

It was a bold enough statement to stop Y/N in her tracks, no matter how quietly he'd mumbled it. She knew for sure that he didn't like her, after years of constant bickering and dirty glares and whatever else, but... The word 'hate' was like a knife that sliced through her joking rage and stopped the whole world around her.

If she wasn't already out of her own body, she just knew she would have felt her soul leave.

Spencer didn't hate anyone. Not that she was aware of, anyway. He found nearly everyone delightful, and vice versa... But for some reason, he hated Y/N.

She scoffed, crossing her arms. "Yeah, well... Feeling's mutual, I guess..."

"You're stupid, and reckless, and you don't think. And you're a goddamn nightmare to work with... You know what— You're a stone-cold bitch."

His words made her physically step backwards, and it felt like if she were a cartoon, there might have been steam coming out of her ears.

"Yeah, well jokes on you, you make it easy," she seethed. "Fuck you!"

"How... How dare you..." he continued, anger reddening his face.

Y/N watched as he balled his fists and leaned in a little closer to her body, his voice tight and strained. "How dare you walk into my life and boss me around and make it impossible to breathe... From the moment I met you, you've brought out this... this fire in me that I can't put out no matter how hard I try, and it's insufferable—You're insufferable, and I hate you, how dare—"

Whatever he was going to say next was cut off by a shortness of breath. Spencer breathed in, loud and choked, and the next breath he let out was nothing short of a sob. His eyes squeezed shut, tears rolling down them and his hands clutched the bedsheets with a vigor and rage that Y/N had never seen from him, even in all the years she'd spent visibly getting on his last nerves.

"N—No," she choked out, feeling her throat tighten. "Don't... Don't turn into a sappy mess on me now, do you hear me, Reid? You hate me, don't... Don't..."

"I don't hate you," he whispered, wiping his eyes and reaching out to grab her lifeless hand. "I hate that you make me feel this way, but... I could never hate you..."

She wanted nothing more than to be able to squeeze his hand back, to tell him, not even necessarily with words but with a simple gesture, that she was right there and wasn't going to go anywhere.

She just... had to figure out how to make that true.

Still, Spencer kept going, a small laugh bubbling up through tears and phlegm. "But I will hate you if you die, because I just know you're gonna come back and haunt me for eternity... Probably... shit in my shoes or something."

Y/N barked a laugh that was true and pure... Happy, even.

The genius may have acted like he hated her, but it turns out he knew her pretty well, perhaps even fondly in one way or another.

To think— All those years she spent seeing him sneer at her, feeling his glare burn into her soul, the amount of times she caught him making faces or inappropriate gestures behind her back, all of it... And the whole time, he was probably doing it with a little flicker of fondness deep within the confines of his heart, which he swore to fill with nothing but hatred for her.

The thought made the little flicker in her own heart burn brighter.

As she wandered closer to her bed, beside Spencer and in front of her own body, she reached her hand out to see if she could touch his face, to give him something...

Even though she had no luck, something shifted when he spoke.

"Just... Come back to me, please? I know I'm not good at apologizing, but if it means I get you back... I swear that I will make up every horrible thing I've ever done or said to you. Just... Please don't leave me."

He laid his head down in his hands and tried not to cry again, every said horrible thing replaying on a loop in his brain like some kind of taunt. He wished more than anything for a chance to make it up to Y/N, and now he might not ever be able to.

"You think I'd leave this mortal earth without getting the chance to kick your ass?"

Everything was so fuzzy and light and brimming with these high emotions that Y/N almost didn't realize she was saying these words and Spencer was hearing them. She almost didn't feel the warmth of her bloodstream beneath layers of skin, the beat of her heart slowly coming back to life at the sounds and smells of the hospital room.

She almost didn't realize that Spencer was grabbing her now, his warm hands covering her cold ones and bringing them back to life as well.

"Screw you," he breathed with absolutely no malice to be detected in his voice.

They shared a smile so bright, no one would have been able to guess that they never got along.

TWO WEEKS LATER

Not only was she stuck at home doing nothing while on suspension (Yes, it turns out that storming off into an alley and not paying attention while on the job, just because a co-worker pissed you off, can get you suspended by Chief Strauss), but Y/N was also being visited by a daily rotation of her co-workers and friends and family, and her house was nearly covered in flower bouquets and baked goods.

It was a nightmare.

The sentiment was nice, sure, but if she had to move one more vase, she was going to start throwing them.

God, maybe Spencer was right, I am a stone-cold bitch...

Thinking of him also put a little damper on her mood.

He hadn't been to visit her once... And she figured that after their nice little moment at the hospital, he'd at least stop by with flowers or an "I'm glad you're not dead!" call, but there was nothing on his end. Not even a text message or a letter.

But for all she knew, their small moment of kindness could have been a figment of her concussed imagination.

Please, she thought, if I brought it up to him he'd probably just laugh in my face.

Rather than a laugh, Y/N heard the bright sound of her doorbell, which normally would have meant a fun unexpected visit or a date she was getting ready for, but by now it only meant another vase of flowers or a pie from a neighbor she still didn't remember the last name to.

Either way, she answered the door with as polite a smile as she could muster, and instead of finding a vaguely familiar neighbor or acquaintance, she found Spencer.

Though, to be fair, he was holding a bouquet of flowers.

"Well, this is a surprise," Y/N drawled, crossing her arms. "I don't even think you've ever been to my house."

She was surprised to see him nervous around her, rather than irritated. And she would have found it endearing had they not been practically mortal enemies from the moment they met... She was suspicious.

"O—Oh, yeah... I know, I just thought... I wanted to come see how you were doing... These are for you."

He held out the flowers, which were truthfully the pretties set she'd received, and it irked her. Because of course he of all people would be the one to tell which kinds of flowers she'd prefer.

"Thanks," she said, taking them from him and allowing him the space to come inside. "Watch out, it's a maze in here..."

While she looked for somewhere to put the flowers on display, she could feel Spencer looking around her space, probably profiling what he could behind a sea of flowers.

"Hm."

Y/N sighed. "What?"

"Nothing. I'm just... I'm surprised this many people actually like you."

Despite the nature of his observation, she found it comforting. That level of playful contempt was what she was used to, and it brought a sparkle to her eye as she turned to face him. "Ha... I'm not a complete bitch, you know."

"Sure."

Between the growing grin on his face and the smirk forming on her own, Spencer and Y/N found themselves falling back into a familiar rhythm. And yet, something about it was still... different.

So much so that Y/N felt honest-to-God butterflies in her stomach when he approached, hands retreating from his pockets and head tilting off to the side. His expression held that look he got when he was trying to figure someone out, usually an unsub. She hated to admit it to herself, but a little part of her always found that side of him extremely attractive.

And now that it was right in front of her?

She didn't know what to make of it.

"What?" she snapped, looking for an excuse to hide any and all attraction she was feeling.

Spencer stepped back a little, breaking away from whatever trance he'd just been in. "God, why do you always have to do that?"

"Do what?"

"You push away every single show of affection! Any time I'm trying to be nice, you just act like it's some big inconvenience to you!"

Y/N laughed. "Ha! That's what that was? Just now? When you insulted me, and then started stalking towards me with that look you get when you're interrogating an unsub? That's what you call affection?"

"That's not... That's not what that was!"

"Oh really? Then what was it?"

"It was part of the routine! Banter! Y—You know, that's our thing! We insult each other, and we act like we hate each other but we... We don't, really..."

The longer he went on, the faster her heart raced. This was the moment in the movie where he inevitably blurted out that he loved her, and in turn she would either kiss him or slap him, or slap him and then kiss him...

But Y/N was still feeling rather playful despite the swarm of butterflies in her stomach begging for some relief.

"Oh?" she prompted, taking a slow step closer to him. "We don't?"

Spencer seemed to get red immediately, and he avoided her eyes. "U—Uh... Well I... I thought... Maybe I read it all wrong, a—and I'm sorry if I did..."

She'd been getting closer meanwhile, and now they were practically toe-to-toe. He did his best to ignore her, taking a few steps back until she cornered him against the front door. And with the way he wasn't doing anything to get out of his predicament, she took that as his acceptance and took another leap.

"What..." she cooed, crawling her fingers up the front of his chest like a spider. "You like me? Hmm?"

When he finally looked down at her, she allowed herself to smile, albeit slowly and with calculation.

In a flash Spencer went from nervous to fed-up, weight seeming to visibly lift from his chest as he sank against the door. "You're messing with me..."

"It's so fun."

"You know what, screw you."

"Is that a promise?"

"Maybe it is. What are you gonna do ab—"

She didn't let him finish.

In an instant, Y/N lunged forward and pulled him down for a kiss.

Even though she thought he might have tried to take control of the situation, he ended up surprising her with a wanton moan as his hands clutched at her sides, holding on for dear life. Their bodies and tongues collided in a mess of years worth of pent-up tension, chaotic and wild and fiercely beautiful in a way that put even the greatest first kisses to shame.

And of course, Spencer had to go and ruin it.

He pushed her away and looked almost panicked. "W—Wait, are you even cleared to do this?"

Y/N rolled her eyes, reaching out for him again. "I'm fine."

"Y/N, you were in the hospital! I thought... I thought you were..."

She appreciated the sentiment, but with her entire body on fire from his touch, she decided she needed more of it. "Yeah, but I'm not... I'm very much alive, and you know what?"

He blinked back at her, watching carefully as she leaned in close to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"It's because of you. You make me feel... more alive than I've ever been."

"And... You're not messing with me this time?"

With a laugh,  Y/N shook her head and leaned up to brush her nose with his. "Nuh-uh... But if you'd like to, I'd love to mess with you in a more fun way. And maybe I'll even let you do it back..."

Spencer hummed, feeling himself gravitate towards her more with every passing second. "Deal."

He barely got the word out all the way before she was dragging him through the maze of flora and contained food and into her bedroom, where piece by piece, their hatred and fondness for one another combined to create the most exquisite of nights.

———

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#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid angst #spencer reid x reader angst #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds angst #enemies to lovers

[widow-maximov]

hi! i love your work and was wondering if you’d write a one shot where reader is thor’s younger sister and it’s her first time visiting earth. she’s clueless and doesn’t know how anything works 😩 wanda and nat get super smitten and eventually fall for the reader 😳 can we also get some protective big sister hela ♥️♥️♥️

Goodbye forever..

Pairing: Natasha x Wanda x Reader

Warning: Language, fluff, little bit of angst :3

Summary: First time visiting a place and being left by your brother, Thor for safety, falling into hands of Natasha and Wanda, will they help you adapt?

Word count: 4.1k

My requests are always open so feel more than welcome to pop in a suggestion for the next story :3

⸻⸻⋙☸🗲⋘⸻⸻

"Asgard is in danger at the moment so I had to bring her down here Stark" Thor explained as you stood not far from him as you looked around.

"That's not what I'm saying, she doesn't know anything here and I can't babysit her, I am a busy man if you haven't noticed" Tony raised his concerns.

"I'm not asking you to babysit her, all I need is for to stay here until Asgard is clear from whatever is putting it in danger" Thor had that charm at convincing people to what he wants, which was working on Tony.

"What if she leaves or something? Or accidently hurts someone with her powers, she's still young and doesn't know her full strength" Tony was sitting down as he slowly started to crack, but there were doubts.

Thor looked back at you as you stared at the one of the tools that were laying around "She is young but she has been trained by me and Loki but if you're still worried, Wanda knows how to control her powers so she can train her and just keep an eye out. She is the strongest so she can easily over power her"

There was a moment of silence as Tony thought "Okay, I will brief Wanda about this"

Thor smiled widely as he was quick to give the rather smaller man a hug "I will be back as soon as possible"

Tony nodded with a small smile himself as he asked for Wanda, Thor turned towards you and took couple steps towards you which caught your attention "Y/n"

You looked at him with a smile "Brother"

"You'll be staying here for now until I came back from Asgard" He place his hand on your shoulder.

"I could help you fight in Asgard, you don't need to leave me here" Convincing Thor was a lot more harder than anyone really thought.

"We already spoke about this Y/n and you know my answer to that, I will try to visit but until then I'm ordering you to stay here and you can't leave" Thor stood straight as he slightly tensed when this was mentioned again.

You nodded, it's not like you had a choice and he nodded back "Good" Just in time Wanda walked in as she saw Thor since he was blocking you from her view, he turned with a smile at her sight, to which Tony walked out.

He hugged you "They will take care of you don't worry"

You nodded once again as you let a tear slide down your cheek, this was a big change, you didn't know anyone here and you was slightly afraid but only slightly.

He moved to the side to which now Wanda had a full view on you "Wanda, that's Y/n, you'll be training her. They will brief you now I have to go" Tony explained as he walked out.

Wanda raised her eyebrows at Tony but her gaze shifted to you and Thor to which she took couple steps, Thor rolled his eyes at Tony "Well anyways, this is Y/n as Tony said, she will be staying here for some time before I came back so I just need you to keep an eye out and keep her out of trouble so Tony doesn't try to kill me"

Wanda nodded as she smiled at you "Okay, that's not a problem, If I understood from what Tony said I will be training her?"

He nodded "Yes, she has powers even though she has them under control but just in case, just give her some tips or something"

Wanda wanted to know why you were here but she didn't want to cross any lines, she will find out if you tell her and that's what she will stick to.

"Well I have to go.." He stated as he awkwardly waited for Wanda to stop staring at you.

"Okay, I will show her around then" Wanda looked at Thor with a smile as he nodded, he gave you the last hug and walked off.

You followed Wanda around as she showed you everything, your room, meeting room, party room, training room, anything that she knew of, the last was the living room where most of the team was.

No one knew you were Thor's sister and you didn't know they didn't know so you just went along with it, as soon as you walked into the living room, the TV caught your attention.

Wanda stood near the kitchen as she faced you "Well this is the living room where the team usually relaxes after missions"

"And there is the kitchen to make food, usually I cook since they can barely make toast without burning it" She pointed towards the door that led to the kitchen.

You looked and smiled "Thank you, I think I understand everything now"

She nodded "Well if you have any questions, you can ask me"

This pulled the teams attention toward Wanda, their eyes landed on you and they quickly gathered around the two of you "Who is this?" Steve asked as he crossed his arms.

"This is Y/n, Thor brought her here from Asgard for the time being, so she will be staying with us" Wanda simply explained.

They all nodded and Wanda asked again "So Y/n do you have any questions?"

You nodded with a small smile "Yes, why are there people stuck in a box?"

Natasha frowned in confusion "People stuck in a box?"

You nodded as you pointed towards the TV "There, they seem to be frozen"

Natasha along with everyone looked over to see what you were talking about, Natasha tried her best to keep her chuckle in as she looked back at you "It's a TV, this is already recorded so we are just watching back"

Your lips turned into a perfect O shape as you nodded "Oh that's definitely new"

Sam held his face as he stared at you "You don't have TV's in Asgard?!"

You shook your head "That is not a thing, no. We have advanced technology there"

"Well, besides that I'm Steve" He reached his hand out for you, you looked at Wanda a little clueless to which she giggled slightly and showed you what to do.

You smiled widely at the hand shake, and then moved to Sam and Bucky and Bruce, they all shook your hand but when it came to Natasha, you leaned down and kiss her hand as she introduced herself.

They all stared at you with shock, Natasha didn't pull away which was more of a shock for the team, you turned back as you looked at the team "Is this not normal for people to do?"

They shook their head with awkward smiles "Not really, unless you're are rich and you're looking for a business deal"

You nodded slowly and looked over at Wanda "Don't worry I will teach you everything"

You gave a quick nod as you excused yourself to go back to your room, to which the team went back to watching the movie but Natasha lingered near Wanda.

"What is it Natasha?" Wanda asked as she knew it was her.

"Do you mind me tagging along?" The redhead didn't waste any time.

Wanda looked at her with her brows raised "Really? But why?"

She shrugged "I have nothing else to do"

Wanda tilted her head "Didn't you just tell the team you were overloaded with mission reports?"

"Well they aren't interesting unlike our new female recruitment" Natasha leaned on a door frame as a small smirk made it's way to her lips.

"Yeah okay, it will be easier with another person around" Wanda nodded to agree and started to prepare things to cook.

⸻⸻⋙☸🗲⋘⸻⸻

For few weeks, Natasha and Wanda trained and taught you how to be more human, which you really appreciated. It wasn't as bad as you thought this stay would be, you grew fond of the two women quite quickly.

The witch and the former assassin felt the same, well they were more aware of what those feelings were but for you it was a lot more harder to understand why you wanted to spend more time with them than the rest of the group.

The two women started to fall in love with you and each time it was harder to hide. The team had their suspicions to which they were confirmed each time.

There was this one time...

"Okay, we need to somehow get some clothes for Y/n" Tony stated as he tried to think of a loophole.

You was standing in front of him, being quiet and just waiting for them to come up with a solution, your attention shifted to Steve "We can always just go shopping with Y/n"

Bucky raised his brows at Steve "As if you know anything about women's fashion"

Steve frowned "I rather think of myself as an expert"

Sam laughed "Yeah an expert in messing up, she would look like fashion show gone wrong"

Tony even manged to crack a smile at the comment "Sorry Steve but no"

Steve dramatically huffed "You guys are so mean, you need to give me a chance"

A voice spoke up from behind them "Give you a chance for what Steve?"

You turned around at the familiar voice, as you saw Wanda and Natasha walk in, a smile spread across your lips at the sight of them and you waved at them and quickly going back to your serious face after they wave back.

"It seems like Steve wants to buy me clothes" You spoke up for the first time since you was called in her.

"That's a terrible idea" Natasha spoke up this time as she walked past Steve with Wanda and stood next to you.

"Thanks for the support Romanoff" Steve sounded offended at the comment, earning a laugh from Wanda.

"You know what, just leave it up to us Tony, we will take care of this little issue" Wanda proposed the idea to which Tony quickly agreed and went on with his little project.

And so Wanda and Natasha snuck you out and went on a shopping spree to find you better clothes. You looked like you were from the medieval rather than from this century so a new wardrobe was in desperate need.

You ended up buying a lot of clothes and decided to explore a bit before coming back, you had like 10 bags in one hand and it was still light to you, it was pretty impressive and definitely Natasha with Wanda admired the way your muscles would flex.

The amount of dirty jokes Natasha had to swallow down, Wanda didn't even need to look into her mind, she was thinking the same thing.

You stopped abruptly as you looked at the creature before you "Stay behind I will protect both of you"

Natasha nearly bumped into you to which she peeked to see what you were talking about "Protect from what Y/n?"

"That creature" You narrowed at the dog that was walking lazily with it tongue out.

Wanda looked at Natasha with a smile at how cute you were with your knowledge "It's a dog, not a creature Y/n/n"

You looked over at Wanda "A dog? It wont try to attack us?"

She shook her head with a smile, she pulled the woman's attention who was walking the dog "Sorry, do you think my friend can pet your cute dog?"

The woman was quick to agree with a big smile across her lips, Natasha kneeled down and you followed her lead, she placed her hand over yours, you felt goose bumps at the contact and she placed your hand on the dogs head.

"See, it just loves pets" Natasha spoke softly to you as she watched your reaction.

You were sceptic at first but gently petted the little dog, a smile slowly appeared across your lips as you looked over to Natasha, inches away from her face, if heart eyes were real Natasha would definitely have them in that moment.

"It's harmless.." You stated out practically with disbelief.

Wanda smiled as she placed her hand on your shoulder, she felt her heart melt at the scene in front of her "Okay, let's go and grab something to eat"

You looked at the woman in front of you and thanked her politely "She really trained that creature very well"

"Why do you call it a creature?" Wanda asked curiously as she linked her arm with yours and so did Natasha.

"Well in Asgard we have Fenris Wolf, they are a lot bigger but very violent and it did look like Fenris so I was worried it would try to hurt you both"

They were melting, the way you felt like you had to protect them from a Fenris Wolf and put yourself in danger first, it was adorable and there was slight worry in your tone.

"Well" Wanda spoke with a huge smile "Thank you for worrying"

You smiled back and looked between the two women who were on either of your side "You shouldn't thank me, ladies should be treated like treasure"

An innocently precious look settled across the two women's faces at your words, their eyes filled with adoration and love, you were perfect and that's what they loved about you.

Or this time...

You had woke up pretty early, having your mind set to preparing breakfast for the two redheads, you wanted to do something nice for how they both took care of you and always made sure that you felt a little bit less loner here.

You knew how to cook but it was a little difficult to make anything here with earth ingredients, that didn't mean you would give up, you make sure Natasha and Wanda taught you how to use something called internet, you managed to search up videos and taught yourself how to make food.

With a smile at your success, you delivered your food to their beds, Natasha and Wanda shared a room together which made it a lot easier to give them your hard worked breakfast.

You memorized the way they did their coffee and quietly walked inside their bedroom, with food and coffee in hand. You placed it down as you slowly started to wake the women in bed.

Wanda was quicker to wake up, she sat up as she stared at you "What is wrong Y/n/n?"

Natasha slowly stirred as she opened one eye and looked at you and half awake Wanda, she never was a morning person so she groaned at being woken up.

"I have made food for my two favourite ladies" You stated simple with a innocent smile.

Wanda rubbed her eyes and finally was able to take in the smell and the sight of the food, it was waffles with blueberries and whipped cream, it was both of their favourite.

She looked at you again "Thank you Y/n/n"

She looked over at Natasha who had a smile but her eyes were shut "Yeah thank you Y/n I really appreciate food in bed"

"You welcome Lady Natasha"

Wanda giggled at how you called her "You didn't have to do this"

You stood up as you walked over to the food and give Wanda her plate and Natasha as well "Nonsense, I will be forever grateful how yous have treated me, with most care and respect so I shall give back something as well"

Natasha smirked "You should definitely feed me if you want to give back something"

Wanda raised her brows at Natasha's comment to which you proceed at her command "Anything you wish for Lady Natasha"

Natasha chuckled as she waved her hand to dismiss you "I was joking Y/n but I appreciate your dedication"

"You are most certainly welcome" You bowed down in front of them, earning nods and slight giggles.

This was just a pure moment between the three of you, something that the redheads treasured and adored, it was those moments that made them realise how important you had become to their simple lives, you bright them up and surprise them each time which was new compared to the boring days on earth.

If we were to go through all of the times, we would be here for days, but the point has been made to why the team had their suspicions.

Weeks turned into months and you definitely was better and had a better grasp on your powers, you learnt their language properly and slang which made expressing a lot more easier.

The only thing you struggled was your feelings, asking was a lot more complicated since you didn't quite understand what you should even ask, you wanted to just be with them and when you learnt about something called kissing, it never left your mind.

To understand it better you searched everything they had on kissing on the internet, realising it's something you wanted to do, something you wanted to experience with Wanda and Natasha.

So now that you understood that, you were determent to ask about it to Wanda and Natasha, making your way towards the meeting room where they were.

You opened the door and almost immediately they looked up at you "Y/n/n what brings you here"

You felt hot just at them looking at you "Lady Natasha, Lady Wanda" You bowed as you always did.

Natasha noticed your nervous to which she stood up and Wanda followed, she walked over to you with a soft smile "Why are you nervous Y/n?"

You smiled nervously at her "I wanted to talk"

Wanda followed right after with a soft smile just like Natasha's "What do you want to talk about Darling" They slightly trapped you in between them which you didn't mind at all.

You took a deep breath and just as words were about to leave your mouth, a familiar voice to you spoke up but to the redheads it was unknown "There you are Y/n"

You turned to face the voice as Natasha took a step in front of you along with Wanda, her hands ready to fire away with red mist, what took them off guard was your question "Sister Hela?"

They looked back at you with shocked faces, the tall woman stood in the same place but just opened her arms for you, to which you gladly took, you hugged her.

Living on earth for long and having company made you forget that Asgard even existed in the first place "What are you doing here?"

"I will get to that in a second, right now I want to know why these two trapped you?" The protective sister was activated as she death stared the two women in front of her.

You pulled away from Hela as you looked in the direction of the two redheads "They didn't trap me, they are cool don't worry"

"Cool?" Hela questioned as she raised her brows at you "Is this the language they teach on earth?"

She shook her head "I knew your brother did a mistake taking you here"

Natasha crossed her arms "I'm sorry but who are you?"

She looked with no emotions at Natasha "Hela Goddess of death?"

"Doesn't ring a bell" Natasha spat out with a cold glare.

"Thor's sister?" She answered but more in a question tone.

Wanda looked from you to Hela as realisation hit her "If you are Thor's sister... And Y/n is your younger sister.. That means Thor is Y/n's brother"

You nodded simply "Yes, I thought everyone knew"

Wanda facepalmed herself "Of course! That's why you were so clueless of everything on earth and your powers! You are a goddess"

Wanda looked up at you with the most huge smile anyone had witnesses, she was impressed and surprised at her discovery, Natasha spoke up with a smile "Damn she's more badass than we thought"

"Well, this interaction seems nice but I'm here because it's safe to come back to Asgard, Thor sent me to fetch you" Hela cut in before this can go any further.

You looked at Hela "Asgard is safe?"

She nodded with a smile "Yes, you can come back home"

Those smiles that were on the redheads lips, fell almost instantly at Hela's words. They didn't want to lose you, there was an obvious pain in their hearts at this news but they decided to stay strong.

You nodded at her "Is brother Thor here?"

"Yes, I believe he is talking with some people inside, so now let's go so you can say your goodbyes with everyone" She spoke up as she placed her hand on your shoulder.

"Okay sister" You agreed as you looked over at Natasha and Wanda.

"We are right behind you Y/n/n" Wanda spoke up through the pain in her throat, she was going to break and she didn't want you to see.

You nodded and your sister led you towards the rest of the people, you hugged Thor as you commented "Nice haircut, I really like it"

He laughed "Thank you Y/n, the long hair was really hard to fight with"

You nodded and pulled away, so you started off by saying goodbye to everyone, they had grown pretty attached to you and your weird outbursts, they grown to love you as you and your food.

The last two people that were left were Natasha and Wanda, you walked over to them. You wished you had realised what you felt towards them and acted on it before you had to come back.

They both hugged you, each face on your shoulders as you whispered "I wish I could stay more but it isn't my choice"

Natasha had a sad smile as she whispered back "Everyone has a choice детка (baby)"

You pulled away and looked at Wanda who let tears finally slide down her face, you wiped it with your thumb as you looked into her eyes "I will miss yous"

Wanda nodded as she chocked out "We will miss you too, make sure to visit more often"

You nodded and finally returned next to your brother and sister, you couldn't stop your heart practically breaking at the sight of Wanda's eyes looking like a waterfall, whilst Natasha tried to act strong.

It felt like everything was muted until Thor spoke up "Have you gathered everything important Y/n?"

You looked up at him, in this moment you knew what to do "No"

He tilted his head "Well then go bring that important thing to take with us"

"It's impossible" You stated.

"How so?"

You looked over at Hela who had a proud smile across her lips "Are you sure Y/n?"

You nodded as you wiped a tear from your cheek "Okay, what's happening that I don't know off"

"Forgive me brother but I will not go to Asgard because I'm not leaving what's important to me" You spoke up with more confidence.

There was a gasp from practically everyone in the room but you only heard Wanda's "I am staying here because this has became my home when you left"

You looked back at the two redheads "I don't want to leave them because they are important to me and I think I might have feelings for them"

Thor had a smile across his face so when you finally looked back at him, he spoke "Okay Y/n, I'm glad you are able to decide for yourself and what you need"

His gaze shifted to the Russian and the Sokovian "I'm glad you found a home in these two"

You looked back with a smile as you made your way towards them and finally blurred out "I want to kiss yous"

Wanda giggled whole heartedly as your outburst as Natasha giggled with her brows raised perfectly "Are you sure?"

"You said everyone has a choice, so I chose to want to kiss the both of you" You said in one sentence so nervously to which Natasha proudly smiled and pulled you into her face, kissing you and you kissed her back gently, just like you were.

You pulled away and instantly Wanda collided her lips with yours, guiding you and preventing herself from deepening the kiss in front of everyone, she pulls away, leaving you wanting more, just like whenever you would spend your time with them.

"Okay okay, enough" Hela spoke up with slight disgust in her voice, causing the three of you to look over and turn the whole room into giggles.

"But I swear if my little sister ends up heartbroken, I will haunt you two redheads to the rest of your life" There was seriousness in Hela's tone and they both respectfully nodded, acknowledging Hela's words.

This time you were saying goodbye, not to the people you met here but to your previous life and welcoming the new beginning with open arms....

⸻⸻⋙☸🗲⋘⸻⸻

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[moririki]

⤷ A BLOODSTAINED CONFESSION

RENGOKU KYOJURO X READER -> 3.6K
you patch up your fellow hashira after the hardest fight of your lives

REQUEST -> ✰
CONTAINS -> MUGEN TRAIN SPOILERS like before the cut and everything, mentions of blood + gore, so kinda angsty but definitely a fluffy ass ending, reader is a hashira but it's left ambiguous as to what element you are👍, i watched the movie two months ago so my recollection of dialogue and plot may be *slightly* off, near-death experience, idk how to write combat so i just... didn’t, reader lowkey thirsts over rengoku's back muscles and shit because why tf not, idk how injuries work aaaa
MORI'S THOUGHTS -> rengoku my beloved,,, he deserves the world,, i think i should have made this less angsty im SORRY (i rlly heard "extra fluffy" and it just went 👩🏻➡️ straight through my head huh) also i bet you guys missed me and my late-ass posting <3 but here i am!! for now!! yeahhhh!! i feel like the writing in this got a little repetitive so i apologise for that

APPARENTLY, THE DESTRUCTION OF AN ENTIRE TRAIN wasn't enough to end this mission. even with one lower six demon defeated, another much stronger one had replaced it. the arrival of akaza was a significant turning point in the battle, and one that you cursed yourself for missing.

you should have known that this mission would he more dangerous than expected when both you and rengoku had been deployed to the train, alongside three rookies. you should have known better than to let rengoku convince you to stay back and help evacuate rather than let him handle it alone.

he had been so full of confidence- squeezing your hand firmly before rushing off, leaving you feeling slightly lightheaded from the brief contact of his warm palm. you should have wished him luck, told him to be careful, anything, but he was gone before you had the chance.

you made quick work of evacuating the passengers of the derailed train, making sure that they were all confirmed to be outside of the carriages before entrusting their safety to zenitsu and nezuko. it was around when you had carried out the last passenger that you felt the ground rumble beneath your feet, coming from the other side of the embankment that you were currently placed at. 

before you gave yourself time to really think things through, you were shouting instructions to the pair of demon slayers and dashing off towards the source of the noise, hand readily placed on your sword. that was the direction that rengoku ran is all that went through your mind.

the scene that you found yourself facing did little to quell your fears. you reached two bodies first, recognising them as the hapless figures of inosuke and tanjiro. from a glance you could see the extent of their injuries, with the latter laying on the ground barely conscious. the boar-headed one could only stare at the fight happening several metres away, his shoulders slumped in defeat and swords hanging by his sides.

“there’s no opening,” he only whispered, barely audible. that much was true. even you had difficulty keeping up with the movements of rengoku and the demon that he was fighting. the fact that it had already been several minutes and that there was no clear advantage concerned you, and you unsheathed your sword.

“you two stay put, and learn what it means to be a hashira, alright?” you tried offering a brilliant smile, much like you had seen the flame hashira do so many times, but you hoped that yours didn't fall flat. from the slight relief shown on tanjiro’s worn face, though, you took that as a good sign.

without wasting another second, you rushed towards rengoku and the demon, assessing their movements. inosuke wasn’t joking when he said there wasn’t any opening, their movements equally matched. you took the chance and struck when rengoku managed to get the demon to stumble back. bringing your sword down in a vertical strike, you severed one of its arms, before taking a cursory glance back at rengoku to make sure that he was alright.

your wound did little to hinder the demon, as it simply chuckled before regrowing its limb.

“oh? another hashira? don’t tell me you think that this is a fair match,” the demon sneered as you held your sword in front of you, still nervously eyeing the blood that was beginning to drip at rengoku’s feet. it amazed you as to how he was still standing, let alone also ready to keep fighting, but you weren’t going to stop him with that amount of determination in his eyes.

“i wouldn’t say that you appearing after we had to fight an entire train was fair either, but here we are,” you glared at the demon, adjusting the grip on your sword.

“think you can hold on a little longer?” you asked rengoku, still facing the demon.

“always.” you could picture the steadfast smile on his face, lending you his strength whenever you needed it. you took a deep breath, starting your total concentration breathing and launching off of your foot, propelling yourself forwards.

you heard rengoku's footsteps right behind you, dependable as ever. when you swung your sword and sliced through, you knew that the flame hashira was there to follow through with a co-ordinated attack.

despite your best efforts, the upper six demon lived up to its status and provided to be more than a challenge for even both you and rengoku fighting him simultaneously. in fact, akaza had even managed to gain the upper hand a few times, leaving you with a cracked rib that was making it more difficult to focus and control your breathing.

but you and rengoku's big break arrived in the form of a rising sun that leeched itself into your surroundings. the glow was nothing but welcomed by you, though your demon opponent let fear flicker across its face for the first time this night as it turned foot and fled. the invisible adrenaline-fuelled strings that held you up snapped, and you felt the strength from your body sap, too spent to gove chase to akaza.

the bitter taste of defeat crushed you, numbing your senses as you barely heard the cries of tanjiro as he yelled at the retreating figure of akaza. you turned to your fellow yashira, eyes widening and senses returning as you took in the way he had slumped to the floor, head bowed as he kneeled.

"no, don't you dare," you mumbled, dropping to your knees too in front of him. panic gave your limbs a new purpose as your hands stretched out in front of you, seeking out the warmth rengoku still emitted even when mortally wounded.

the most pressing matter was the dark stain of blood that gave his uniform an unnatural sheen that was still spreading. you pressed a hand to the source of it, a large gash across his stomach that was much too deep for your liking. your other hand came to rest on his face, tilting his head up to look at you for any sort of good sign to cling onto.

"you better stay alive!" your voice was shrill, harsher than you wanted it to be, but those were factors you could hardly control more than the blood oozing from rengoku's stomach. you could see how unfocused his eyes were, and how heavy his head was when only being propped up by the waning strength in your hand. your own injuries had been forgotten, cast aside in favour for you to fear for the flame hashira's life.

and still, despite everything, the man still smiled. the blood covering half his face did little to mar its radiance. rengoku raised a shaking, bloody hand of his own, letting it fall heavy against your own as you felt your hold begin to slip.

"you're hurt too, you know." his words were more of a shaky exhale, though you heard it all the same. you felt a smile slip onto yours too as rengoku proved to still be so vigilant in the wellbeing of others.

"you don't need to remind me, shut up and save your energy," you whispered back. you didn't trust yourself to speak any louder in fear of your voice cracking.

"but.. i have to tell you something." the insistence in his eyes was back, burning into you so mich that you couldn't help but lean closer, trying to ease his burden of being audible.

"quit talking like you're dying." you were practically whispering into his ear, close enough to feel the rasp of his breath as he laughed, holding your hand tighter. his other hand came up to your own face, rough thumb brushing against the skin underneath your eye, wiping away a tear you never realised had tracked its way there.

"let me bandage you up." your voice may not have shook, but your hands definitely did as you disentangled them from rengoku's hold, urging him to put pressure on his wound while your fingers found purchase on the hem of your uniform and ripped off a strip of it. it was barely enough to cover his injury but you managed to wrap the severed cloth around his middle a few times, tying it tight and hoping that it was enough to stop the bleeding.

"just.. stay with me until backup comes, alright? you've got tell me something once we get out of here, remember?" rengoku nodded into your palm, smiling at your words as his eyelids fluttered shut. but you were close enough to still feel that he was warm, to feel the slight rise and fall of his chest as he managed to still breathe, and that gave you some comfort.

minutes felt like hours when you had to talk to fill the gap. whether it was to give rengoku something that tethered him to this mortal realm, or a way for you to distract yourself from your own pain, you onew that you would both have to tough it out a little longer, just until the others arrived.

"you know, i've always admired you." you were surprised at both his words and how clear rengoku's voice sounded. your grip on his hand tightened a little, and you leaned towards him so that your forehead pressed against his.

"this is hardly the time to say something like that, kyojuro." you tried not to laugh, the pain of your ribs starting to edge back in as the adrenaline left your body as the sun soaked your bodies.

"i just wanted you to know." you would have responded to the man if it weren't for the shouts that became all too clear. help was here, and everything was going to be okay now.

you didn't want to let rengoku out of your sight, but many insistent hands prised his body from your grip, and with barely the strength to speak there was little that you could do about it except succumb to the pain of your wounds and finally fall unconscious.

recovery was never an aspect of fighting that you looked forward to. when you finally came to, there were a few gripping moments of panic when you asked a nurse if rengoku was here, if he was alive. you had been assured that he was before the pain and medication kicked in again for a fitful sleep as your body healed.

but no matter how you were pressed back into bed, into the constraints of sleep, you never really felt like you were at rest. your mind was still racing to places your body couldn't as it pieced together the events just before you got hospitalised.

when you could finally get up without keeling over, you were stumboing your way through the hallways as stealthily as possible, leaning on walls for support and peering into rooms as you walked past, in search of your fellow hashira. your cards of luck had lined up when you stumbled upon his sleeping figure less than three rooms down from yours.

he looked a lot cleaner, still donning a serene smile even when unconscious and you felt the panic gripping your body loosen its hold. the throb of your most likely broken ribs was enough of an edge to keep you awake, and you made your way over to rengoku's bedside.

there was a convenient chair placed next to him, and you tried not to grunt in pain as you sat down in it. rengoku didn't even stir at your approach, and you resigned yourself to sitting there, studying his figure and resisting the urge to check whether he was actually breathing or not. if you focused enough, you saw the subtlest rise and fall of his chest, just enough to qualm your fears.

your concentration was broken as you heard the sliding door open again, and the hesitant voice of a nurse breaking your intense silence.

"ah, i'm sorry to interrupt but i need to change rengoku's bandages." to prove her point, the nurse raised her arm to emphasise the strips of fabric held by them. you stood up hastily, sending a cursory glance back at the still-sleeping form of rengoku.

like all matters regarding the flame hashira, you found your mouth and body working a little faster than your brain.

"it's alright, i can change them for you. i'm sure that you have plenty of other patients to tend to." the nurse nodded, though she still looked hesitant to hand you the bandages. you gave her a reassuring smile, stretching out your hand to take them. "i've had plenty of experience with this, don't worry."

the nurse appeared relieved, giving you a quick thanks before exiting and letting the door click shut behind her.

you turned your attention back to rengoku's sleeping figure only to watch him crack a single amber eye open and give you an almost sheepish smile. you couldn't help the flooding sensation of relief that drenched your bones, and you returned his gesture.

"i'm glad to see that you're alright." rengoku's eyes never left yours, and you felt yourself grow hot underneath his gaze.

"glad to see you too." you offered a hand, helping rengoku shuffle further up the bed with minimal effort on your side. despite the bandages covering a large expanse of his upper body, his grip on your hand was still stable and you bit back the fond smile threatening to bloom on your face.

luckily for you, rengoku seemed to get the message that he needed to get shirtless without you asking him, which saved you a whole lot of embarrassment. you weren't confident in your ability to look him in the eye and ask him to strip without blushing, though you did exactly that as your eyes raked over his bare skin.

littered with scars and covering taut muscle, it was hard not to let your eyes wander down his form. from the look on rengoku's face, he looked well aware of the effect that he had on you and fixing you with a practically imperceptible smirk. you were quick to ask him to turn around, and he obliged as quickly as someone with broken and bruised bones could manage.

his back was the same story, with broad shoulders and defined shoulderblades that had muscle twitching without you touching it. you sucked in a breath, way too audible for your liking, and tried not to let your hand stretch out to run your fingers down the expanse of his back. you were here to help treat him, not indulge in some fantasy of yours.

your mindset snapped back to professionalism as you grabbed hold of the fresh bandages, opting to put them on after you removed the old ones. while there was no sign of infection, you still grimaced at the bloody sight of rengoku's major wound. you tried not to show how much it had upset you, both now and in the moment, and your attention turned to your slightly trembling fingers.

you were careful to avoid where his skin was obviously discoloured from bruising, not wanting to cause him any unnecessary pain. he was warm to the touch, enough to invite you in with some false sense of confort before burning you alive. the way his back muscles jumped at your touch did little to help your concentration, but you shouldered on.

your mingld escaped you, insisting on recounting those painful minutes where rengoku was vpeeding out on the battlefield. there was a particular focus on his insistence to tell you something, and you bit your lip. surely, he would ask you at some point from now.

"how are your ribs?" rengoku's voice cut through the silence, its rasping edge acting as evidence of hiw soundly he had been sleeping earlier. while it wasn't the question you wanted him to ask you, you were never one to turn down conversation. especially from him.

"worry about yourself, kyojuro. i'm fine." your appliance of the fresh bandage meant that you would now have to be stood in front of him, a development that had your face flaming from the close proximity. silence set in, and all that distracted you from the rise and fall of his stomach was his breath tickling the sensitive skin of your neck. your eyes flickered towards the ceiling, relying on your hands to guide yourself instead.

you dared to glance down and saw rengoku’s eyes fixed on your face already. there was something about his softened features and the look in his eyes that had you scrambling to stare at the blank ceiling again. as much as you would like to retreat at every first sign if danger or confrontation, you knew that you woukd have to talk to him soon, whether it was you or him who brought up the conversation topic from that day.

taking a deep breath, you perched yourself on the edge of rengoku's bed, still maintaining a professional amount of distance from him. still close enough to spot how his smile brightens when you choose to stay. you glanced down at your fingers, twisting knots into themselves as they were placed in your lap. you almost cursed and placed them underneath you to stop that, but instead you fixed your gaze on the flame hashira's ever-present smile.

"do you remember when you said you had to tell me something? right after akaza?" rengoku straightened up a little, nodding. you gave a cursory glance to the bandages safely wrapped around him, and winced as you remembered how much blood had left him that day. 

as if he could tell what you were thinking, rengoku reached forward and took your hand in his. you sucked in a breath at the sensation of his calloused hands, wincing as your ribs ached in protest. you couldn’t bring yourself to break his stare as your fingers intertwined, and rengoku brought you slightly closer to him. the tension was palpable, and you squeezed his hand in an attempt to alleviate some of it.

“what did you want to tell me, kyojuro?” you were still closing the distance between the two of you, voice barely above a whisper because there was no need to talk any louder for him to hear you. everything about him drew you closer, and the thought of pulling away never crossed your mind. you finally stopped, inches away, staring at him expectantly.

“well, there was a chance that i was going to die that day, so i was going to be selfish and tell you that i love you."

it amazed you how he could say that with such confidence when that statement had effectively swept you off of your feet. you were well aware that you looked more than caught off guard- your eyes had widened, and your mouth probably hung open from shock. that was nothing to stop rengoku’s words, though. if anything, it only encouraged him to keep going.

"and when i said that i admire you, i meant it. i admire your strength and how willing you are to help others. i admire you when it's sunset and you're laughing and i admire the way your hands feel, especially here." he guided your hand to his face, letting it cradle his cheek as he rested his own hand at your wrist, not willing to let go. you were sinking into the warmth of his body, letting his borrowed strength keep you upright.

“and most of all, i admire you because i find your beauty striking in everything that you do.” you were silent as rengoku’s eyes searched your own, watching as his lips split as he laughed. “you’re crying again.” you raised your other hand to your cheekbone, feeling the liquid there that began its trek down the planes of your face. you wiped them away with the back of your hand, keeping yourself anchored to rengoku as you curled your fingers around his own.

you felt so light that you could float away, and you couldn’t  help but laugh and grin as you fully processed the confession of the man lying underneath you. tears still rolled down your cheeks, and you couldn’t help the bittersweet pang as you remembered exactly why he was here recovering.

“you really scared me back there, you know?”

“it wasn’t my intention.” you laughed through your sniffle, feeling his warm hand trace patterns on the back of yours. you shuffled forwards and, as best as your shared injuries allowed it, you gave rengoku a hug. while your arms were around his neck, his rested squarely on your lower back, and it was better than anything else you could imagine.

you pulled away, relinquishing the comfort of his arms in favour of looking him in the eye as you prepared what to say next. admittedly, it was a lot easier when you knew how the other person felt about you.

“you know i admire you too, rengoku, and i love you. so much.” joy rewrote itself within his eyes, and they almost glowed with how intense his emotions were after you uttered those words.

“you do?”

your yes came out as a barely audible breath before you were being snagged forwards by him again. you practically crashed against his lips, but you welcomed the sensation, pulling yourself closer to him and settling on his lap.

you sighed into the searing kiss, only truly appreciating his warmth now as you felt it spread through you. you kissed him back intensely, ignoring the dull ache of your ribs to chase the addictive feeling that you only got around him.

around the person who loved you back.

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[raggaraddy]

Mouthy

Prompt: You say to Yandere BTS "Oh my god! Just shut up!"

A/N: Couldn't sleep, so I wrote this laying in bed. I hope it's not some sleep-deprived nonsense ^-^

Trigger warning: Yandere themes, violence, emotional manipulation, choking, non-con, D/s themes, examples of a bad D/s dynamic.

Alpha! Namjoon

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You scream it through your bedroom doorway. Storming to the railing of the stairs, you lean over and scream again. "Shut up!"

The sea of people on the ground floor go quiet. Only the music dares to keep making a sound in the background. You skulk back to your room, slamming the door loudly behind you. You had had a long, disappointing day. You were tired and grumpy, and moody and sad. But the dozens of uninvited pack members couldn't care less as their party raged on into the night.

Not allowing you enough time to even climb back into bed, Namjoon storms after you to address your outburst.

"Y/n, go downstairs right now and apologize." He orders.

"No." you mope. Feeling it's a wildly unfair request. All these people are in your house making so much noise when you're trying to sleep. How is it you that's in the wrong?

"Do you think I am asking you? I'm telling you. Get downstairs now." He says sternly. His strict tone making you even more emotional. You just wanted him to be on your side for this.

"But- But I," you sniffle, with tears in your eyes.

"No," Namjoon cuts you off. "I've asked you all afternoon what's wrong. And you wouldn't tell me. So right at this moment, I don't want to hear it. You have been disrespectful to me and my people. So you are going to put some more clothes on and cover-up, and you will go out there and apologize to every single person." He growls, leaving no room to argue. "And you will do it sincerely, or I will give you something to cry about."

King! Seokjin

You didn't say it to his face. You would never be that stupid. But still, you clearly weren't smart enough. While gossiping to a friend, someone you thought was a confidant, you're complaining about a seemingly endless, boring meeting you had to serve today.

"And I just wanted to tell all of them; Oh my god! Just shut up!" You laugh. 

But hours later it's no longer a laughing matter.

"How did you enjoy serving me today, Princess?" Jin asks his tone giving nothing away of what he already knows.

"I enjoyed it. Thank you, your Majesty" You politely smile, thinking his question to be a kindness.

"I often find these meetings so dull. Many of the Lords do like to ramble on. Sometimes I would enjoy telling all of them to just shut up." He speaks the words so purposefully that you know at once you've been exposed.

"My Lord, I-"

"If you are smart you will not say another word." He speaks softly, with a grin on his face. "I want to thank you, Y/n.  I have an endless supply of other people I can hurt. Each one of them is freely at my disposal, but you are my favourite toy." He fills the space in front of you. "However, I am a man of my word. I swore to you that you will be unharmed if you are obedient, and I would not dare to break this vow. Of course, I have sorely missed playing with my beloved little dol, though."

Towering over you he sets off your instinct to get to your knees and grovel, begging his forgiveness for your carelessness. But that would only be a wasted effort.

"So thank you, Princess, for giving me the possibility to hear your pretty cries of pain again. I will make sure to use this opportunity to its fullest."

Assassin! Yoongi

He had been in a hyper mood for 2 days straight. His energy and enthusiastic interaction was something you always craved, but you had never dealt with it this long before and you were losing your sanity and your composure.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You shout at him as your last nerve snaps.

"Okay, Y/n." He gives little to no reaction. "Remember you said this in a month from now when you're begging me to speak to you."

But it didn't take a month. In two weeks you were in tears apologizing. He left you free to roam the house, but he revoked all communication from you. The only times he gave you any attention, was when he forcibly made you stop doing something he didn't like. Or when he wanted you for sex. But still, he wouldn't utter a single word, only bending you over to take what he wanted.

After 5 weeks, just as you thought you'd never hear his voice again, he finally broke his silence. Only to break your heart.

"Listening to you these past few weeks, I realise how much you talk. It's time you take your own advice and shut up. Y/n, I don't want to hear a sound out of you until I say. 5 weeks was easy enough for me. So let's start with that, and then I'll see if I want to hear from you yet."

Vampire! Hoseok

Hoseok was always so animated. Normally it didn't bother you, but he was talking and reacting through yet another movie and you were sick of it. It might have been because you were PMSing or maybe because Hoseok had forgotten to feed you all day, but when he yelled at the TV, you yelled at him.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" And right away you were teeming with regret.

"I'm sorry baby. Am I being too loud?" He laughs with an unexpectedly harmless reply. Playfully but roughly slapping his hand on your thigh. "I'll keep it down."

You're not dumb enough to think that your eruption would go unanswered. So you sit tensely, anxiously waiting to see how he will repay you.

"Baby," he whispers in your ear, after sitting in silence for 20 minutes. "You know I have very strong hearing right?" You nod nervously. Chewing your lip. "Well, your breathing is too loud and very distracting. I can hardly hear the movie. Can you please fix that?"

You know this is going to lead to something horrible, but you have no choice but to do as he says. For the next 10 minutes, you're completely distracted trying to inhale and exhale as softly and shallowly as possible.

"Hmm baby, it's really too much. I can't concentrate on the film." He stands, pulling his belt off. "Here let me help you."

He wraps his belt around your neck, pulling and setting it so tight that it's biting into your skin. Your throat constricting, barely letting you breathe.

As you wheeze and splutter and cough, he holds the end like a leash. Sitting back on the couch, he turns his focus back to the movie without letting you loosen the strap or get away. Your whole body is shaking, your eyes starting to roll back as you struggle to inhale. The belt is cruelly not tight enough to have you pass out though. Only allowing you to sit in your suffering. The sound of your gasping filling the room.

"Ahh, there you go baby. That's much better. Don't worry, it's just while we're watching movies. And there's only two more left in the trilogy."

Playboy! Jimin

He was telling you over and over how sorry he was. How he didn't mean to kiss that girl. That he was drinking. And that she kissed him. It was every excuse and lie he had spouted 100 times before.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You yelled at him. And for a moment it worked. He sat in stunned silence. But as you got off the bed to leave, taking your car keys with you, he chased after you.

"Where are you going?"

"Out Jimin. I need some time alone to think." You scowl.

But he refuses, blocking the door. Holding his arms to either side to barricade you in.

"No, you can't leave! I said I'm sorry."

"Fuck off Jimin, your apologies mean nothing." You say shoving him.

He doesn't accept that. With a roar, he grabs your shoulders throwing you down onto the bed. Quickly straddling you, using far too much force to keep you pinned beneath him. Tearing off the pillowcases, he makes some shoddy but effective restraints. Tying you to the bars on the headboard.

Ignoring your screams and how you struggle he starts to kiss down your neck, pulling at your clothes, rubbing his hands down your body.

"I'm gonna make you feel good Y/n. I'll show you that I only want you, then you'll have to forgive me." He says sounding desperate and unhinged.

You cry and yell for him to stop, trying to buck him off you, but his hand covers your mouth, his other successfully tearing down your panties from under your dress.

"Don't fight me, Angel. Just let me in. And I'll prove I love you the most."

Dom! Taehyung

Finally, Taehyung had agreed to spend some time with you in a social environment. He and you went out to a movie and dinner with some of your friends. They were vanilla friends though, so as an exception, for the day he loosened a lot of the restrictions and formalities you normally had in place.

You, however, you were getting a little too relaxed. While you joked with you're friends, you started to speak to him the same manner. As you and he were playfully arguing about trivia facts you realized you were losing the debate.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You joke. But in the company of your friends or not, Taehyung was not about to let you disrespect him. Even in jest.

"Is that how you should talk to me girl?" He asks loudly and in front of everyone, bringing the group conversation to a grinding halt.

His change in tone and his use of the possessive pet name, right away have you back in your place.

"No," you whisper. The sting of embarrassment hot upon your cheeks.

"No, what?" He pushes it.

You can't stand to look up. All of the attention is on the two of you. And even in your peripheral, you can see your friends looking at you judgementally, wide-eyed and in shock.

And he was making it worse by having you use his title around them.

"No, Sir." you surrender, your head hung low.

"Shouldn't you also apologise to the other people at the table? For interrupting our night with your rudeness." He keeps piling on one shame after the other. Stretching out the ordeal.

"No, it's fine." One of your friends tries to laugh off the awkwardness and speed the discussion away from this point. "She doesn't have to."

"Y/n," He prompts you, disregarding what your friend had said.

Thoroughly humiliated, you can't imagine how you are going to repair these relationships or explain this treatment away.

"I'm sorry for interrupting the night with my rudeness." you swallow heavily, hands shaking.

"Good girl. Now mind your mouth. Before you make me embarrass you further."

Mafia! Jungkook

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" you say in a hushed voice. More of a prayer said to yourself than an actual demand you expected Jungkook to hear.

"What did you just say to me?" he lowers the phone, gawking at you.

You really didn't mean to, it just slipped out. He was talking on the phone, going into too graphic detail about how he and his men dealt with a threat recently. You couldn't handle the gruesome details he was recanting anymore and the words just fell out.

"What did you just say? Did you just tell me to shut up?" He repeats again through your nonreply. His tongue running through the inside of his cheek, his jaw and muscles tensing. His voice jumping rapidly from stunned to aggressive.

You're at home alone with him, so you weren't paying much mind to what you were saying. But this afternoon he's been dealing with work. And right now he isn't Kookie, no the person in front of you is Jeon Jungkook. The temperamental Mafia head, who would as likely hit you as he would speak to you.

"I'm sorry," you squeak.

"You're sorry?" He scoffs, slamming the phone down. "If you had said it and meant it, that would be one thing. I could respect that. But you really just can't control your stupid little mouth can you."

"I-" you start a defence, or more a plea for mercy.

"Shut the fuck up!" He growls leaning forward in his seat making you flinch back. Darting his hand out he grabs you by the hair, pulling you back to where you were. "Don't flinch. I'm not gonna hurt you, I'm gonna help you." He smiles.

You wriggle in his clutches, mewling the same trifle apologies under your breath.

"Shhh, my brainless little Kitten. I'm gonna give you a gift." He smirks. "For your own safety, you don't need to talk for the rest of the day. I just need you to come when I call. Sit on my lap when I tell you. And purr for me like a good little pussy." Grabbing your arm harshly, he yanks you off your chair and onto the ground. "There you go, where you belong." He laughs. "You think you can remember to do all that? I know you can. Otherwise, I'll buy you a kat collar to remind you how my Kitten should behave."

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