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pinksturniolo · 1 month

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If I Can’t Have You, No One Can - Part One

Matt Sturniolo x Fem Reader

Summary: Matt can’t seem to stand the fact that he can’t have you to himself. He knows it’s wrong to want you. After all, you’ve been dating his best friend for the past few months. But he never claimed to be a good guy. And he’s more than willing to show you just what you’ve been missing.

Content warnings (not in every chapter): smut, oral, fingering, raw sex, cheating, unhealthy relationship, obsession, spanking, use of alcohol

word count: 3,887

written in first person pov

Spring 2023

I never liked L.A. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s a nice city. Besides the cost of living being outrageously expensive, the weather was almost always nice and there were a lot of fun things to do. It’s the people that are insufferable. The increasingly large number of influencers and rude celebrities make me want to move away to a small town where nobody knows me, somewhere with a lot of nature and miles of land between you and your neighbor.

I grew up in Pasadena, moving closer to the city after my parents divorced and my mom switched me to a different high school. After I graduated, I got a job in merchandising downtown working for a clothing brand. It was always my dream to work in fashion and I was lucky to be in a spot I wanted.

Working in the fashion industry and living in L.A., I was bound to end up in the circle of today’s social media stars and to be quite honest, there were only a handful of people I actually liked. One of my coworkers, Jackson, became my best friend and he was very outgoing, always dragging me along to influencer parties and events. He had a lot of connections which were good for work but as far as I was concerned, I tried my best not to get involved with anyone on a personal level.

But life has a funny way of throwing you for a loop. Jackson introduced me to Mark who was also in the same line of work we were in. We instantly clicked, the conversation flowing easily. He was attractive, funny and nice. It didn’t take long before we became exclusive and our friends were over the moon, saying how good of a couple we made.

A few months had passed, and I was content. But there was something missing. He was a good boyfriend and treated me well, but I just didn’t feel… passion. I didn’t feel those fireworks. That heart racing, mind bending, butterfly inducing feelings that were portrayed in every romance movie or book you’ve seen or read.

The only person who ever made me feel like that was Matthew Sturniolo.

Matt and his brothers Chris and Nick happened to be really good friends with Mark, and I was introduced to them once me and him started dating. I found them charming, hilarious and some of the nicest influencers I had met so far. Me, Jackson, and Nick became inseparable, hanging out almost every weekend.

Mine and Matt’s friendship started out innocent. He was a little shy at first, but it didn’t take long for him to open up around me and we found that we had many things in common.

Maybe more than I have with Mark.

The more time I spent around him, the more I liked him. And it was rarely ever one on one interactions. Most of the time, we all hung out in a group setting but I found myself looking to him when something was funny or observing his reaction when we were watching a movie, and hanging on to every word he said when he joined in on conversations.

As much as I tried to deny the fact that I had developed a huge crush, I couldn’t help that my mind was constantly filled with thoughts of him.

Thoughts of his smile, his laugh, his eyes. The way he looked in the mirror when he fixed his hair, the way his pinky lifted from the cup whenever he took a sip of his drink. I found myself wandering how well his lips would fit against mine. How his hands would feel on my body, the sound of his voice panting in my ear if he was on top of me-

It was sinful. I felt horrible and disgusting and I’m sure there was a special place in hell reserved for me.

So, I tried to back off as much as I could. Whenever Mark went to the triplet’s house to hang out like we did almost every week, I made some excuse that I didn’t feel good, or I just wanted some alone time. He was a little concerned at first but then stopped questioning it after a while which I was thankful for.

Matt and Nick constantly blew up my phone, asking why I suddenly stopped coming over and I kept my responses as dry as possible. Even Chris called me a couple times, but I ignored it. I felt bad but I knew it was for the best.

I wanted to respect Mark because even though it pained me to finally admit to myself that I wasn’t in love with him, I did care for him, and I didn’t want to break up. We had only been dating for a few months so obviously we weren’t that serious yet to consider moving in together or even discuss marriage but that didn’t mean that he deserved for his girlfriend to lust over his best friend.

And then one night, when they were all at Top Golf, Jackson called me. I knew I would never hear the end of it if I ignored his call, so reluctantly, I picked up.

“Y/N! Get your bum ass over here, I’m sick of you avoiding us. You’ve had enough alone time. You need to come back to reality.” He scolded.

“Jackson, I’m not avoiding anyone.”

“You sure about that? Cause I could argue there is a certain someone-“

“Jackson.”

“Y/N. I’m serious. I miss you, everyone misses you.”

“I miss you guys too…”

“Okay, so why can’t you come out?”

“It’s… complicated.” I sighed in frustration, unsure how much longer I could keep dodging the situation without explaining it properly. I had a feeling Jackson knew why. He was my best friend, and best friends always knew.

“Complicated how?” He pressed.

There were a few seconds of silence as I tried to find the right words to say, but I just couldn’t come up with anymore good excuses and I knew I was fucked.

“Well, I’m not hearing any good explanation, so if you’re not at the triplet’s house by the time we get there, I’m literally coming over there and dragging you out of the house myself.”

Click.

Yeah, I was fucked.

I walked up the driveway to the entrance of the house, my heart racing and legs feeling like Jello. I really needed to get my shit together. I hadn’t seen Matt in a while, and I found myself extremely nervous as I entered the front door. I walked up the stairs, seeing everyone at the kitchen table. Everyone except Mark and Matt.

I smiled, setting my purse and keys on the table and greeted everyone.

“Mark said he had to finish up some work at the office. Something about a deadline that was coming up soon.” Jackson said, noticing the curious expression on my face.

“Okay…” I replied. That was weird, he’s usually good at communicating with me and I had assumed he had come back with everyone after Top Golf.

Jackson just shrugged, taking another bite of his chicken finger. Once I saw the familiar styrofoam box with red lettering, my jaw dropped and I put a hand over my heart, acting like I was just utterly betrayed.

“Wow, you guys got Cane’s without me?” I asked.

Chris rolled his eyes while Nick gave me a dirty look. “Excuse me, you haven’t been here in fucking 6 months.” He spoke.

“Don’t be dramatic, Nick. It’s been 3 weeks.” I replied.

“I’ll save you my last piece of toast if you promise to stay and watch a movie tonight?” Nick said, giving me puppy dog eyes.

My heart dropped and I gave him a soft smile. “Maybe.” I replied.

“Don’t get your hopes up, it took some threatening just to get her over here.” Jackson added, glaring at me.

“Whatever, you’ll only be breaking Matt’s heart if you don’t stay.” Chris said, looking at me with an expression I couldn’t read.

“What do you mean?” I asked. Did it really matter to Matt that much whether I was here or not?

Chris started to speak but then Nick stomped on his foot which caused him to hunch over in pain. “What the fuck dude?” Chris said, rubbing his hurt foot. I raised an eyebrow and looked over at Jackson. What the hell is wrong with them?

He simply shrugged again, a small smirk on his face and went back to eating. His nonchalant attitude was starting to bother me. I was definitely having a talk with him later.

“What he means is… Matt misses you. He said you’ve been ignoring his calls. And don’t get me started on that. You have a lot of making up to do.” Nick said, referring to the fact I’ve been ignoring everyone’s calls.

“I know, I’m sorry… Where is Matt anyways?” I asked, looking around.

“He’s in his room if you wanna go talk to him.” Nick replies, and I get nervous again, butterflies starting to form in my stomach.

I nod and walk away, towards Matt’s room.

I had only been in his room a few times and it was usually with Nick or Jackson, never just me and him. It wasn’t even a big deal but for some reason, the thought of being alone in his room with him scared me.

I knocked on his door softly, waiting for his response. After a few moments of silence, I knocked again, calling his name quietly. “Matt?”

He still didn’t answer. I was about to give up when I heard him respond, “Come in.”

I slowly cracked the door and could see it was dark in his room, the only light coming from the TV. I walked in and saw that he was in his bed, submerged under his comforter, only his head peeking out. His hair was a mess, and his eyes were barely open.

“Oh shit, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” I said and started to move back towards the door.

“No no, its okay. I needed to get up anyway.” He rasped, sleep still thick in his voice.

He sat up slightly, moving the blanket down and I tried not to stare because he didn’t have a shirt on, and I was getting a full view of the tattoos on his arm. Even though he had just woken up, he still looked so handsome.

He pats the spot on the bed next to him, inviting me to sit down. My heart is still beating faster than usual as I sit on the edge of his bed, making sure there was more than enough space between us.

“All that golfing got you tired?” I ask teasingly, smiling at him. He laughs, a sound that I hadn’t realized I had missed so much.

“To be honest, I’ve been tired all the time lately.” He responds, running a hand through his hair.

“Me too.” I say, looking down to my lap. This small talk was killing me.

“Is that why you’ve been declining my calls? You sleeping too much?” He gets straight to the point, and I can feel his eyes on me.

I laugh nervously, unsure how to tell him the real reason I’ve been avoiding him.

“I’ve just been really busy with work. You know how that goes.” I say, hoping he won’t question me further.

He hums and nods his head, as I finally make eye contact with him. “I don’t really believe you… But that’s fine. I just hope it’s not because I’ve done something wrong.”

“No, of course not. It’s not that you’re doing anything wrong…” I reply, stopping before I say anything I regret. You’re just consuming my every thought and desire.

“So, it is something I’m doing then?” he asks, wanting me to clarify.

My words seem to get stuck in my throat as I look at him, unsure how to even answer that. His eyes are burning into mine, making my heart race faster.

“No.” I simply reply, and he raises his brows at my dry response.

“Yes.” I blurt, and his face is now plastered with confusion and hint of amusement as I get flustered, pinching my nose and closing my eyes in frustration.

“Yes?” He asks.

“No- fuck, I meant-“ I start and Matt interrupts me, a shit eating grin on his face.

“Yes or no, Y/N?” He says, now enjoying the fact I was making a fool of myself.

“No, Matt. It has nothing to do with you, okay?” I say, getting up from his bed. Lies.

“Now can we go watch a movie before Nick starts throwing a fit?”

✿

A couple hours and three bags of popcorn later, we were all sat on the couch as the credits of Edward Scissorhands roll on the screen. I checked my phone and to my surprise, Mark still hasn’t texted or called. I’m sure he’ll just call me in the morning.

Jackson yawns and stretches his arms out in his seat next to me, announcing it’s time for him to go home. “We’ll talk later, yeah?” He says to me, and I nod as he gives his goodbyes to Matt and Nick. Chris passed out halfway through the movie until me and Nick started spraying whipped cream smiley faces on his forehead, annoying him enough to make him storm off to his room.

Once Jackson is gone, Nick scoots next to me and throws his arm on the back of the couch behind me, giving me a suggestive look.

“Sooo… are you gonna spill the tea? What’s up with you and Mark?” He asks, nudging my shoulder.

I furrow my brows in confusion as his question. “What do you mean?”

I can feel Matt staring at me from his spot across the other side of the couch.

“Well, Mark barely even mentioned you tonight and then he randomly left saying he had to finish up some stuff at work. And I’m guessing he didn’t even tell you because you keep checking your phone like you’re waiting for his call.” Nick says.

“Wow, you’re incredibly observant.” I respond and I hear Matt chuckle.

“I know. Also, that would explain why you’ve been MIA the past few weeks. Are you guys gonna break up or something?” He asks.

I shake my head. “No, it’s not that.”

He raises his eyebrows, waiting for me to elaborate.

“But something is going on with you two?” Nick questions.

I hesitate and look at Matt, an unreadable expression on his face. He’s leaning back on the couch with his arms crossed, his legs spread slightly in his sweatpants. “Please stop beating around the bush, Y/N. We just want to make sure you’re okay.” He speaks.

I sigh, throwing my head back and tucking my hair behind my ears. “Okay. Look, we’re not breaking up. But I’ve just felt different recently… like… I don’t know, like I don’t feel the same way about him like when we first met. Maybe we rushed into things too quickly. He has been working a lot lately and I just feel… lonely.” Empty. Bored. Unsatisfied.

Nick hums in understanding, tilting his head. “See, that makes sense. You guys have zero chemistry. At least that’s what I’ve always thought. Right, Matt?” He says, looking to him.

“Zero.” He replies instantly. His eyes have not left me since we started this conversation, and it makes me want to melt into the couch.

Suddenly, Nick gets a face time call and jumps up. “Shit, I have to take this. But we’re not done with this conversation, okay?” He tells me and I smile at him as he walks off upstairs.

I look at Matt, who now stands up and walks over to me, sitting down and putting his arm on the back of the couch, the same spot Nick had it in just moments earlier.

The way they switched places so quickly had my head spinning and the closeness of him next to me made my heart skip a beat.

“You know, you can sleep here if you want. I’m sure Nick won’t mind if you stay in his room.” He said politely. I smile at him, shaking my head. “It’s okay. I prefer my bed much better, no offense.” I reply and he laughs. “I won’t tell Nick you said that.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring your calls Matt… I guess my head’s just been a mess.” I tell him, looking to my lap, playing with a loose string on the rip in my jeans.

“It’s cool. You can talk to me anytime you need to though, you know. About anything.” He says ducking his head to try and make eye contact again. I give in, looking at him and his soft expression tugs at my heart strings like I’m a lovesick puppet.

“Thank you.” I reply. “But I don’t know if you wanna get caught up in that. I’ve been a little… frustrated, to say the least.”

His arm flexes behind me, and I see his jaw clench, a curious look now in his eyes.

“Frustrated?” He says and I realize I might have implied something with that statement.

“Uh, I mean, stressed, you know? Like I have all these pent-up emotions.”

Shit. What the fuck was I saying?

Matt is silent, and the way he’s looking at me has my heart beating a million miles a minute, my palms feeling sweaty and my head spinning.

Finally, he says, “Like you need a release, right?” My eyes are still locked on his, floating in a never-ending pool of icy cold blue that makes me feel warm in the palpable tension now filling the room.

“Mhm.” I say, afraid to speak, because I might continue to say incredibly stupid things I’ll regret.

I feel his hand ghost over the back of my neck, which causes chills to run down my spine.

He tilts his head slightly, his eyes travelling down my face, pausing at my lips. “I could help you with that too. If you asked.” He said quietly, almost whispering and looks me in the eyes again, a playful fire burning there and a sly smirk on his lips.

Before I can even process what he said, the next second, Nick comes bounding down the stairs from his room and Matt removes his arm from behind me, clearing his throat.

I jumped up, causing a weird look from Nick. “I-I need to go home. I forgot I have some things to do.” I blurt, going to grab my purse and keys from the table.

He looks back and forth from me to Matt, one eyebrow raised in confusion. “Okay… I guess I’ll see you later?” He asks and I give him a hug before walking to the front door past Matt, avoiding eye contact with him. “For sure. Later!” I say, trying to rush out the door as fast as I can.

Once I open the door and step out, I hear Matt run to catch up and I turn around while he shuts the door behind him.

“Y/N. Wait.” He says.

“Yes?” I ask, my breath coming out in short puffs.

The cool air of spring is blowing, leaves falling from the trees and flowers starting to bloom in the grass.

Matt looks at me in the same way he has all night and I notice he’s hesitating, his mouth opening but no words coming out.

“What?” I say, wondering what he could’ve possibly followed me out of his house for.

“Tell me you don’t feel what I feel.”

“What?” I say again, sounding like a broken record.

He moves closer to me, his body now a few inches from mine and I see his chest rise and fall quickly, his next words coming out breathlessly.

“Tell me you don’t feel something between us. I need to know the real reason why you’ve been ignoring me.”

My heart is pounding at his boldness, and I clutch to the keys in my hand so hard my skin stings with pain. I was not ready to have this conversation and all I could do is freeze as he waits for my response.

“Y/N, tell me you feel nothing. That I’m just a friend to you and nothing more.” He says softly now, reaching his hand out to brush his fingers against my jaw with the lightest touch.

I want to tell him that yes, you’re just a friend and nothing more. That I don’t have any feelings for you and I don’t think about you every moment I wake up and every moment before I go to sleep. That I feel nothing.

But I just can’t. I can’t say or do anything but stare back at him, my eyes surely saying the complete opposite of what I’m thinking.

He closes the gap between us, now grabbing both sides of my face in his hands, brushing his lips against mine. “Tell me you don’t want me.” He breaths, and my knees feel weak as I clutch onto his shirt. “Matt…” Is all I can manage and I’m not doing a very good job of convincing him that I don’t.

He groans at the needy sound in my voice, and I can’t take the tension anymore as I press my lips to his, kissing him. He instantly kisses me back, his grip tightening on my jaw and I’m not even sure how I’m still standing.

He tilts his head, deepening the kiss, our mouths moving in sync and it’s electric. His lips are so soft but firm in the way he leads, and when his tongue glides against mine, I moan lightly from the feeling. His hands now slip to my waist, mine still on his chest.

The kiss is becoming heated as we pant against each other, his fingertips digging into my hips and pulling me even closer to him. I feel his heart racing, the world slipping away like nothing else matters.

He kissed me like he couldn’t breathe, and I was his oxygen.

I wanted more and more, unsure that I will ever stop before a little voice in my head tells me that this is wrong, wrong, wrong. But it feels so fucking good.

No. This is bad.

“No-“ I say, suddenly pushing him away from me, catching my breath.

I shake my head, backing away from him now. “This is bad.”

His cheeks are tinted pink, lips swollen and red, his hair a mess.

“Y/N.” He says, taking a step towards me.

“I can’t, I’m sorry. This shouldn’t have happened.” I responded, stepping further from him. “I have to go.” And I turn away, practically running to my car and slamming the door, taking off before I can change my mind.

As I drive home, the look on Matt’s face replays in my head, and I touch my lips, the feeling of his kiss still there.

I’ve never felt this strongly before, and as I drive further and further from him, I feel an invisible string tugging on me, willing me to turn around.

It’s a dangerous game to play, whatever we’ve started.

a/n: matts pov and disgusting smut in part two 😁

feedback and thoughts appreciated 💕

taglist:

@sturniolopepsi @tillies33ssss @whicked-hazlatwhore @riasturns @christhopersturniolo

#Spotify #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo smut #sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo smut

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carav4l · 9 months

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dim light

Pairing: Theodore Nott x fem!reader

Summary: After the first Quidditch match of the year, Y/N founds herself in the wrong side of the bar at the club she works at. And she’s not specially happy about it. However, Theo Nott is even more pissed, and he has all the rights to be.

Warnings: violence (not developed, but a fight does take place), swearing.

Before you read: this piece is set in a CollegeAU! English is not my first language, so please take that into consideration and be nice. Also, the whole piece is written in third POV because it’s the one I’m more comfortable with. Reader’s house isn’t specified, but definitely isn’t Slytherin or Gryffindor for the plot’s sake.

Y/N had to cover for one of her colleagues that night, Aubrey, who was feeling unwell after accidentally tasting some unfinished potion they had been working on that morning’s class. So, much to her regret, Y/N had to experience the post-season party from behind the bar at the Witch’s Hour Nightclub. Y/N wasn't the biggest fan of Quidditch by any means, but she did love everything that came with it at the castle: the colorful stands, skipping classes to watch the other’s houses games, the tension during the match, and above all, the celebrations that followed.

"Can I have two strawberry daiquiris, please?"

Ginny Weasley's words were met with a nod from Y/N, who smiled hoping to conceal her frustration. As she prepared the drinks, she glimpsed her group of friends amidst the dance floor frenzy. Just about ten minutes ago, they had all been keeping her company, sympathizing with her bad luck until Y/N urged them to enjoy the night on her behalf, and they had moved towards the dance floor to never come back. With all honesty, Y/N didn’t blame them for doing so.

Once the daiquiris were ready, Y/N placed them in front of the redhead without a word, her forced smile still in place. After paying for her order, the Gryffindor left the bar to join Luna Lovegood on the other side of the room.

Y/N barely had time to stash the money in the cash register before another group of girls shouted their order at her, noticeably less politely than Ginny. Y/N found herself close, very close, to spitting on the three Sex on the Beach cocktails in front of her. She couldn't stand how people could seem to lose their manners with the slightest bit of alcohol in their system. It didn't take her long to realize that, when it came to those girls, the unjustified attitude was because it had been Y/N who had taken their order, not the curly-haired guy going back and forth behind her.

Theodore Nott seemed considerably more annoyed about working that night than Y/N. And rightfully so, given his position as chaser on the Slytherin team, which had also happened to lose the game that day. Well, if Y/N was in a bad mood, Theo seemed ready to hex anyone who entered his line of sight at any moment.

Y/N took the wad of bills the group left, or rather slammed on the counter, and turned to head back to the register. This time however, she ended up colliding with something herself, most specifically her coworker's chest. The boy’s hands shot to her waist to prevent her from falling, and Y/N felt the exposed skin between her black crop top and low-rise sequin miniskirt burn. She unconsciously grabbed onto Theo's forearm, her chest constricted by the sudden scare.

"Hey angel, seems like you really tripped over me there," he said with a grin once Y/N steadied herself, not even making an attempt to let her go. In fact, she felt like he was tracing circles on her hip with his thumb. Y/N became acutely aware of the places where Theo's skin touched hers. "You good?"

She lifted her gaze to his watercolor eyes and cursed herself for the effect they, and the boy himself, seemed to have on her. It was utterly stupid, as everyone knew that Theodore Nott wasn't available and didn't seem like he would ever be. The boy seemed way above any one-night stand or anything as trivial as college relationships. Y/N believed she could count on one hand all the girls she knew he had been involved with. In some way, she respected him for that.

"Yeah, sorry," she apologized with flushed cheeks, silently grateful for the dim lighting of the venue. "It's just that tonight's been a mess and I'm a bit distracted."

Her words got lost in the music resonating through the speakers. Theo put a finger to his ear to signal that he hadn't heard anything, then buried his hand in Y/N's hair and gently brought their faces closer. Y/N repeated her response, earning a nod and a guttural sound of agreement.

"Tell me about it," Theo sighed then, pulling his face back just enough for their eyes to lock. They were so close that their noses almost brushed.

"I still don't quite get why you're working tonight, to be honest. I thought there was an unwritten rule that said Quidditch players didn't have to work on match days."

"Well, let's just say dear boss couldn’t seem to care less about that rule," the guy said, giving a sidelong glance at Philippa Harvey, a rather ill-tempered Ravenclaw who happened to be the club's manager. She was on the good side of the bar, dancing suggestively with a guy Y/N couldn't quite place. "Let's say she made me an indecent proposal, and I turned her down. And voilà, here I am."

A pang of something close to jealousy reluctantly settled in Y/N's stomach. It's not like she had any right to feel that way, anyway. She opened her mouth to express how sorry she felt for him, both for Slytherin's defeat and the fact that Philippa had finished screwing the night for him, but the sound of someone banging on the counter forcefully stole her opportunity.

"Hey, you two! Less groping and more pouring drinks."

It was a Gryffindor from the Quidditch team, tall and big, with a rather ordinary face. Y/N assumed that's why she couldn't remember his name. In any case, he seemed pretty drunk to her.

After trailing her cheek with his thumb one last time, Theo let go of her and with the distasteful expression he had worn all night back in place, told Y/N that he would handle it. She sighed and resumed the task of putting away the money in the cash register. Once done, she walked over to where Theo was serving the Gryffindor big guy to attend another one who had just arrived at the bar.

As she was about to start making a gin and tonic for him, a shot glass was placed right in front of her. Y/N raised an eyebrow at Theo, and he just shrugged in response. "It's going to be a long night," he seemed to convey with the gesture. "We might as well make it as enjoyable as possible." She agreed, so she took the shot and brought it to her lips without hesitation. Theo did the same with his own shot, never taking his eyes off her, and Y/N wasn't sure if the rush of heat that swept through her body was due to the alcohol or his gaze.

"Have another one on me, Nott," the Gryffindor guy interrupted them again, placing another pair of bills on top of those already on the counter. "And another for your gorgeous coworker. It sucks that you have to be the one serving drinks after how we beat the shit out of you guys this afternoon, don't you think?"

Theo clenched his fist around the glass, his knuckles turning white. Lips pressed into a stern line, he continued preparing the jerk's drink without looking up from his task. Y/N continued hers, not taking her eyes off the scene unfolding by her side.

"I also think it sucks that such a pretty girl like you has to be on that side of the bar," the Gryffindor guy persisted, unabated. Y/N looked at him out of the corner of her eye, still working, grabbing a bottle of gin from under the bar and pouring it into the glass in front of her. "When you get a break, you could look me up. We Gryffindors know how to show a girl a good time."

Disgusted, Y/N opened her mouth to tell him that she'd rather get eaten by a basilisk than to let him lay a finger on her, but someone beat her to it.

"Don't you even think about talking to her," snapped Theo, slamming the drink down in front of the Gryffindor with such force that Y/N thought the glass might shatter. "In fact, don't ever look at her again."

Y/N was taken aback by such words. She glanced at Theo with a racing heart, but he didn't return the look because his gaze was fixed on the idiot. The latter laughed brazenly.

"And what are you gonna do about it?"

Y/N saw a glint of anger in Theo's watercolor eyes, so she hurried to slip under the boy's arm resting on the counter and interpose herself between him and the Gryffindor. For a moment, Theo ignored her and continued to glare at the rival idiot. With a slightly trembling hand, Y/N grabbed his face by the jaw and forced their gazes to meet. If he had taken her that intimately before, he shouldn't mind her doing the same, right?

"Theo," she called him. He however, not willing to give in attempted to turn his face again. "Theo, just leave it. It's not worth it."

Y/N felt Theo's grip on his jaw tighten even more, but he nodded imperceptibly anyway.

"Fine."

"Yeah, Nott, listen to your little whore."

In the blink of an eye, Theo had jumped over the counter and landed a solid left hook on the round-faced Gryffindor. Y/N gasped in surprise at the sight. The Slytherin boy wasn't particularly known for getting into fights, not even when they happened during a match and the rest of his team and some of his friends were involved. That was more typical of Mattheo Riddle, or Lorenzo Berkshire. By Merlin, even Malfoy could be more prone to fights than Theo.

But there he was, straddling a guy who was a head taller and twice his size, punching him repeatedly in the face. Y/N figured the only reason Theo barely had gotten a scratch on his cheek was that, as she had suspected earlier, the Gryffindor was quite drunk. For a moment, Y/N just stood there, doing nothing but watching the spectacle unfold before her eyes, as if in a trance that prevented her from looking away. It didn't last too long luckily, and once she managed to move, she went straight to the dance floor, heading for the area where she thought she had spotted Theo's group of friends over an hour ago.

If it hadn't been for Draco Malfoy's bleached blond hair, Y/N didn't think she would have found them in the mass of dancing bodies. Pushing any insecurities the group might make her feel deep down, Y/N grabbed the wrist of the person who was closest to her and shook them hard enough to get their attention. Mattheo Riddle's dark eyes met hers shortly after, giving her an unfriendly once-over from head to toe. The guy didn't even bother to speak, looking at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Hmm... I'm Y/N Y/L/N," she introduced herself awkwardly, trying not to dwell on it for too long. "I work here with Theo. This is actually about him. He's fighting with a Gryffindor idiot, and I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it, but the guy is like twice his size, and I can't separate them."

Surprise transformed Mattheo's face, which only confirmed the belief that Theo and fighting didn't usually appear in the same sentence. He turned to his friends to convey the message, and they all hurriedly followed Y/N to the bar where Theo was still straddling the Gryffindor, as if Y/N had never left. In less than a second, Mattheo and Blaise had each of Theo's arms and were leading him out of the club, followed by Lorenzo, Draco, and Pansy.

Once again, Y/N stood still, not quite sure how to proceed. One thing was clear though: she definitely didn't want to be near the idiot once he woke up, or when his friends showed up and looked for someone to blame. Y/N approached the bar again to inform her only other coworker, a girl from her house with whom she maintained a friendly relationship of greetings and pleasant smiles in the corridors, that she was going to make sure Theo was okay. The girl nodded, and without further ado, Y/N headed for the back exit of the Witch's Hour, reserved only for staff and, on this occasion, Theo's friends.

Outside in the dimly lit alley, she found the curly-haired boy sitting on an old wooden crate, with Pansy Parkinson crouched in front of him at a distance that, for some reason she couldn’t wrap around her finger, seemed too short to Y/N. Pansy seemed to be giving him a quiet scolding even though there was no one else there but the two of them and their other four friends, standing prudently apart. Theo had his gaze fixed on the ground, and although Y/N couldn't see his eyes because of his bangs, she noticed that his jaw was clenched once again.

Y/N approached cautiously the rest of the group. The smell of tobacco from Mattheo and Lorenzo's cigarettes wafted into her nose, causing her to wrinkle her nose in distaste. Blaise was the first to notice her presence.

"You didn't need to come out," he spoke in a calm tone, giving her a friendly smile. Y/N shrugged and returned the smile timidly.

"Blaise’s right," Lorenzo chimed in between drags of his cigarette. The contrast between his boyish face and the action itself shocked Y/N. "Pansy knows how to handle him."

Y/N made an affirmative sound before giving a proper response. Why had she come out, anyway? The answer briefly crossed her mind, but she couldn't even process it correctly, let alone speak it out loud. She decided to go for the most obvious excuse.

"I just wanted to make sure he's okay. After all, this happened because..."

"I don’t fucking care, Theodore!" Pansy's shout cut her off mid-sentence. The five turned their heads toward them. Pansy had stood up and was pointing an accusing finger at Theo. "You're supposed to be the smart one in the group. You shouldn't stoop to this crap."

"Ouch," Mattheo whimpered, taking a drag from his cigarette.

"Don't play the victim, Riddle," Draco said, leaning against the alley wall with his arms crossed over his chest. "She hasn't said anything that isn't true."

"It's still pretty uncalled for on her part."

The conversation died there, unlike the ongoing one between Pansy and Theo. Y/N decided to wait until Theo's friends went back inside the club to talk to him alone about what had happened. She didn't feel up to doing it with all those strangers watching her from the other side of the alley, and there was no need to create such a scene.

The night was strangely cool for the time of year they were in, and considering how lightly she was dressed, Y/N began to shiver slightly. Thanks to Merlin, only a couple more minutes passed before Pansy concluded her scolding and headed back to the club. Y/N couldn't quite grasp the look she shot her as she walked by. It wasn't a look of complete disdain, at least not entirely, but it lacked the warm smile Blaise had given her earlier.

"Ignore her," Blaise reassured, that same smile still on his face. Shifting his attention back to Y/N, he noticed her shivering and promptly took off his green and black Quidditch team bomber jacket to offer it to her. "Here, take it. Give it back to Theo, and he'll return it to me."

Y/N barely had any time to refuse, but was grateful that Blaise didn't give her the chance to as she truly could use some warmth. She slid her arms into the sleeves of the jacket, which was considerably larger than her, and involuntarily breathed in its scent: expensive cologne with hints of mint and chocolate. Y/N couldn't help but find it somewhat addictive.

Once alone in the alley, Y/N walked over to where Theo was still seated, head down and hands tangled in his hair.

"Hey," she managed to say.

After a significantly long sigh, Theo raised his gaze to meet hers. With a tired smile, he greeted her in a hushed voice.

"Are you okay?"

"Mhhm," Theo barely made a sound in response, unsure of what else to say.

There was an air of something new between them, and neither was quite sure how to proceed. Y/N raised her hand with the intention of cupping his face to see for herself if what the boy had said was true, but her hand stopped midway. She attempted to disguise the motion by placing her hand on her chest.

"Thanks for standing up for me," Y/N finally said, feeling her cheeks grow warm.

"Anytime," Theo murmured, his voice slightly huskier than usual. In a sudden surge of courage he took Y/N's hand in his and tugged it gently, bringing her closer to him. He played with her fingers as he spoke again. "I wish you hadn't had to see that, though."

"Let's just say you could have settled for threatening him or something," she excused him, downplaying it with a giggle that made the boy smile. "But I'm still grateful you did it."

Silence once again settled between them, but this time it felt more comforting in a way. For a few moments, they simply locked eyes, trying to find in each other's eyes all that they were feeling themselves. Y/N was genuinely surprised to find herself in this situation with none other than Theodore Nott. There had always been a sort of mutual understanding between them, a silent complicity they didn't share with any of their clubmates. But Y/N had always assumed it was a simple friendship, that Theo considered her a part of the short list of people he tolerated, and that was it.

However, under the dim light of the moon that night, it felt like much more to her.

"I think we should go back inside," Y/N said in a hushed voice, fearing that if she raised her tone too much, the magical moment would come to an end.

"We should, yeah," Theo agreed, but despite his words, made no attempt to go back inside. If anything, he pulled Y/N's hand a bit more until she was practically between his legs.

With his free hand, Theo cautiously cradled her face, as if unsure if she would pull away. On the contrary, Y/N tilted her head letting it rest in his hand, unable to believe that all these displays of affection were coming from him.

"Can I ask you something?" Theo's voice caught her slightly off guard, but she nodded all the same.

"Sure."

"Never wear Zabini's jacket again," his words caught her with a bit of surprise, and her cheeks turned an even rosier shade.

"Why? Are you going to lend me yours or something?" she joked, pushing a couple of strands of hair from Theo's face, using the excuse to touch him again.

Theo's gaze darkened a bit, and for a moment, Y/N cursed herself for choosing those words. Maybe they weren't at that point yet, right? Perhaps they hadn't reached the teasing phase, and her comment might had made Theo close up. It wouldn't surprise her coming from him.

Y/N didn't dare breathe again until Theo spoke, eyes filled with certainty.

"Consider it done."

Her heart raced, and seeing the smile that transformed her face into one of unexpected joy, his did too.

#theo nott x reader #theo nott #slytherin boys #theo nott imagine #theodore nott #blaise zabini #mattheo riddle #draco malfoy #pansy parkinson #lorenzo berkshire #enzo berkshire #harry potter #ginny weasley #luna lovegood #harry potter imagine

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cry4mina · 1 month

Text

Take Me Back To Eden - The Summoning (Part 5)

(Nayeon x Fem!reader) & (Mina x Fem!reader)

Take Me Back to Eden - Choke Hold - Part 1

Take Me Back To Eden - Granite - Part 2

Take Me Back To Eden - Aqua Regia - Part 3

Take Me Back to Eden - Ascensionism - Part 4

Word Count: 8.1k

Fluff/Angst/Suggestive

Summary: Y/N leaves Nayeon's apartment and gets a phone call from an unexpected person, resulting in a hang out session that quickly develops into a series of unexpected events.

TW: Cursing, teasing, momo is there for a second, mina is here, references to sex, making out for sure, abusive behavior (nayeon is crazy yall) a dream sequence thats a little wild, choking, crime, uh....jihyo is upset? its a lot lmao

A/N: We are taking an interesting turn in the story lmao. Per usual we are thanking the moots bc they listen to me rattle ideas off constantly and keep me sane while I stress myself out lmao @saiiidahyunee @nr1chaedickrider @miinatozakiii and @neoplatinum. <3 I also did not proof read this one as much as the others bc I don't have as much time on my hands now, so sorry if it seems a little off but thank you for reading either way<33

“Mina?” perplexed immediately at the idea of the quietest person you were acquainted with calling you, especially at a time where you were completely overwhelmed.

“Momo told me what happened and I asked for your number… I hope that's okay.” She's so soft spoken it almost shocks you to hear her say this many words at once.

Slowly coming to a halt at a red light while putting your phone on speaker and replying “Yes, that’s totally okay…uhm, sorry, I’m…a little all over the place right now.” mind flashing back to the struggle of processing what possessed you to let your guard down around Nayeon…again.

This was the first real conversation you were having with Mina, always around each other but saying few words, with the exception being pleasantries and small conversations about video games that had just been released or what lego sets she was currently building.

There was a comfort there, an almost silent respect for who and how she was. Calm, quiet, collected in the face of new company. Shying away from conversation but always aware of everyone around her.

The members of Twice, especially Momo, always teased her about being so silent. It was always in good fun, but there were a few times you stepped in to tell her to lay off Mina and to respect that she was on the quieter side instead of pushing her to the point of speaking when she didn’t want to.

It’s almost like she can hear the hesitancy in your voice and your eyes searching around you as you try to figure out what to say to break the awkwardness that was brewing. You weren’t exactly in a stable mindset at the moment, for multiple reasons and weren’t exactly sure what the phone call was for.

“I know we don’t really know each other too well but…uhm, I know we have some common interests and that you could probably use a friend right now…so I figured I would call and see if you wanted to get a coffee or something…or maybe just sit on the couch and play videogames or… something.” half way stumbling through the sentence, showing a little nervousness as she spoke.

Myoui Mina wants to hang out? The same Mina who barely speaks up during group activities, is asking to spend time with you? Not that you would oppose her company but it seems so out of character for this to be happening.

“That sounds…really nice. I’d love to. Would you…want to text me your schedule for the next week or two and we can plan it from there?” Smiling back at her through the speaker attempting to hide the disbelief that overshadowed most of your other feelings.

“Sounds good, I’ll text you.” sounding a little panicked, she hangs up as quickly as she calls.

She was right, with you two having a few hobbies in common, it was unfortunate that you hadn’t hung out before. Nayeon was always so “protective” over you that there were certain members she wouldn’t let you hang out with alone. Jihyo, for obvious reasons, Sana, and Mina.

You didn’t pretend that you understood why she was so adamant on you not hanging out with Sana alone until now. Hindsight is 20/20 and Nayeon was worried that you would find comfort in the arms of someone else the same way she did. The puzzle suddenly solved, the behavior that you used to view as protective, now unmasking itself to divulge its true form. Control.

You were simply a bragging right to Nayeon and nothing else. “Look how amazing she is, that she did this for me.” always bragging about you to her members, especially when Jihyo was there. Motive is only clear now, as you unfold the intricate details and analyze her behavior from your memories.

Possessive, controlling, and selfish. The behavior she showed you was very well disguised but small moments reveal the truth. Her covertness was easily picked apart now that you were close to having all the information when a loud horn blares from behind you. Looking up to a Green light, hitting the gas pedal quickly as you continue on the way home, trying not to get too wrapped up in your head.

Your phone starts vibrating again, being sure to check the name before you answer this time. Momo’s name lights up on the screen, “Speaking of the devil” huffing because you wanted to sort out this wearisome information you were pulling apart in your mind. Deep breath as you slide to answer the call.

“Hey Momoring, what’s up?” Putting on a cheerful sound in a bid to drown out the overstimulation you were experiencing, but Momo could always see right through you, being one of the people who knew you best.

“Y/n, where are you??” sounding a little baffled, and reflecting concern as she spoke.

“Uhm…” leaning forward to catch one of the passing street signs.

“Passing 72nd about to get on the highway…is everything okay?” showing worry for the way she spoke, wondering if you should change routes and go to Momo’s instead of home.

“I’m fine but I’m coming over.” hearing the car door slam, keys jingling, and the ignition start over the speaker.

“Let yourself in if you get there before me.” squinting as you reply, wondering if there are any visible marks on your skin or how disheveled you look, Momo would be sure to notice and say something.

“Perfect, I’ll see you soon.” Momo curiously laughed as the call ended which got you wondering why she was rushing over to your place as you merge onto the highway.

Driving on the highway at this time of day was easier than anticipated. Allowing you to get lost in your head as you continued on the path to home. Flashes of Nayeon underneath you rewind in your head, disgusted by your actions and stirring in your seat, revealing your sweater sticking to your back.

More flashes of her scraping roughly down your back as you attack her neck with your teeth, grazing them along her throat lightly, pinning her to the mattress, fucking her face and then just leaving afterwards. Using her as an allegory for taking back your freewill that you didn’t know you were missing.

The new apartment was brighter and warmer than the last, welcoming you back home when stepping through the door. The living room to the left and the kitchen straight forward, you happily look at the space you’ve decorated for yourself.

Most of the colors were different shades of gray. Black and white accents with hints of green displaced here and there, mostly by the plants you purchased wanting to have some semblance of life in the rooms, Nayeon never watered the plants so they always died but you were determined to integrate the things you once loved back into your life.

Two matching gray couches lay diagonally from each other with a long black coffee table filling out the space in between, your favorite bamboo candle in the middle of the table, a tv remote, and a few books scattered around the table, illuminated by the fireplace to the right of the seating arrangements.

A large flat screen mounted on the wall and a credenza underneath, holding the gaming consoles you bought for yourself when you moved in.

Nayeon was never one for video games and did everything in her power to keep you from playing them, even on your phone. Always distracting you when you were in the middle of a match, always standing in front of the TV in something lacey. Sliding her hand down the front of your pants while kissing your neck, as you tried to play your handheld.

Not minding it too much at first, she has an extensive lingerie collection and you loved to admire her in all of them, but all of your own hobbies got pushed to the side as time went on. A tactic to control that you didn’t recognize sooner.

Momo was already on your new couch, making herself at home when you arrived, walking straight to the living room and placing your collection of things down on the coffee table loudly, glaring at her like you had just seen war.

Looking up at you from her phone, she audibly gasps at the state of you. Hair completely tousled, tired eyes, light marks all over your neck, and your sweater on backwards. Mess was a really nice way to put it.

“I know what you did!” shrieked out of Momo's mouth while you’re turning beet red and fidgeting with your sleeves silently. Puckering your lips and trying to escape the awkwardness you feel as she gawks at you openly, despite your embarrassment.

“You look so red right now! I didn’t know if I believed Jihyo when she told me what happened but now I can safely say she was telling the truth” belly laughing at the idea of Hyo getting a taste of her own medicine and Nayeon being exactly who she showed herself to be.

“What did you just say? You talked to Jihyo?! It only took me like 10 minutes to get home and she’s calling people about it?!” surprised at how quickly the news traveled through the grapevine, wondering who else she called to tell.

“A pissed off Jihyo works fast. Told me that she walked into Nayeon’s apartment with you leaving, neck covered in marks” pointing at your neck, tongue between her teeth as she bites back a laugh, “and Nayeon, naked in the bed absolutely covered in bruises. Hyo said that she could barely get her talk…I take it you put in some work, no?” Poking fun at you while she laughed so hard she slaps her knee.

Hands flying to cover the unease on your face while collapsing into the couch adjacent to the one Momo was on, belly first, letting out a long whine. This was going to be a big deal and what were the rest of the members going to be told when you stop showing up to functions with Nayeon? Would Nayeon tell them the whole truth or just that you weren’t together?

Hating the idea of what you said to Jihyo when you left the apartment, knowing it was out of anger and halfway wanting to apologize for your actions but brushing that feeling off quickly. Needing to solely focus on yourself instead of trying to make anyone else feel better. Heavily empathizing with what Hyo might be feeling currently.

“Wait, so this just happened…like less than an hour ago?” quizzically asking like Momo didn’t already know the answer just to bring you back from whatever was going on in your head.

“Less than that actually” muffled by the couch and your hands while you spiral into an entire inner monologue about why, when you feel like it should’ve never happened, letting out a sigh and showing signs of stress.

“Jihyo is absolutely the angriest I’ve ever heard her, it’s kind of funny to know karma is almost instant for her. She did mention that she wanted to talk to you and asked if I had heard from you…I told her no but she didn’t believe me.” Momo interrupts herself to change the topic of Jihyo in all of this back to you.

“I mean…what happened anyway? You were anti-nayeon for the last few weeks, did something change or?” questioning your motive as she sees you distressed.

“Oh I know she’s mad and I don’t know, - I just went back to get the rest of my stuff and she was following me around the house,” sitting up and leaning back trying to relax. Stinging on your back, another reminder of the story being told, as you move trying to get comfortable while halfway wincing. Momo cocking her head to the side as you suck air between your teeth

“What was that?”

Eyes widen for a second, “Nothing!” expeditiously spoken.

“She fucked your back up again, didn’t she?” Half laughing again as you attempt to continue what you were saying.

“Anyways, she said she wanted to talk so I turned around and she just looked me in my eyes and kissed me…I didn’t really know what to do because I mean-” scooching to the edge of the couch and putting your elbows on your knees and holding your chin as your eyes dampen.

“It’s Nayeon…I know I shouldn’t care, and I’m trying not to but even if the last 3 years weren’t real for her…” choking on your words as they come out unfiltered. “It was real for me.”

More tears falling, this was a mistake. Reopening the wounds that were still healing as you sat with yourself, taking in the knowledge that people were upset with the choices you made didn’t sit well, even if those people were involved in hurting you.

Sad eyes sitting on the couch diagonal to you, realizing that intentions weren’t to hurt anyone else, as she watched. Momo wished she knew what to do in the face of this or knew what to say to comfort you, there was a feeling of sorrow in her, a space held for her best friend’s troubles.

“Jihyo also said that you had something interesting to say to her before you left” smirking and biting her lips, trying to suppress a smile. Bringing it up knowing it would make you laugh and momentarily forget the anguish you were almost drowning yourself in.

“Oh, did she?” replying with a snarky tone, unable to remember most of the encounter with Jihyo due to adrenaline, being angry with Jihyo for sleeping with your girlfriend behind your back, and wanting to get the fuck out of there before Nayeon could try to talk to you again.

“I don’t really think she will be much use to you tonight but you can try and, oh, I hope you like the way I taste.” Momo shouted back at you, cackling as she held her stomach leaning as far back into the couch as she could, pulling the sides of your mouth up as she continued.

“That is so out of pocket, but honestly, hilarious!” bellowing out at you as you start to giggle at the statement made, knowing that she was trying to make light of the situation but also appreciating that you said something so petty.

Originally feeling bad for saying anything, jaw tightening for a second as “An eye for an eye” wasn’t normally something you believed in and it wasn't really your plan to go and sleep with Nayeon, it kind of just happened.

“Hey, is it okay if Dahyun comes here after her schedule? She apparently got that call from Jihyo too.”

“Of course, you don’t even have to ask!”

A phone clattering against the table as it interrupted your conversation, vibrating twice before stopping. Reaching for it to see an unfamiliar number on your screen and a list of times and dates, a schedule? Mina’s schedule.

“Hey, I forgot to mention, Mina called me today” nonchalantly mumbled to Momo over the tv show she had put on in the background.

Gasping loudly, sliding her fingers through her hair, eyes bewildered while leaning closer, “She CALLED…you?” comes out of her mouth so quickly, surprised your ears could even break down what she said.

“Yeah, weren’t you the one who gave her my number?” a little disoriented by the response, as if she was surprised Mina contacted you at all.

“She doesn’t even call me and I’ve known her for a decade.” astonished that her adopted younger sister would reach out through a phone call and not a text…

“We are going to hang out sometime soon. She just sent me her schedule so we could plan it.” looking back at your phone to “heart” the text Mina sent and replying for the following day in the early afternoon, making sure to save her phone number in your phone with a little penguin emoji.

“Mina is going to leave the house?” stunned as you spoke about your future plans with Momo’s favorite homebody.

“I take it she doesn’t do that often either?” chuckling back at Momo while you open a delivery app on your phone and choosing a restaurant with a low delivery time.

“I’m hungry, what do you want from the Thai place down the street?” asking as Momo grabs your phone to put her order in it.

“Oh, I’m sure you’re hungry after the evening you had!” teasingly from behind the phone as she finishes adding her meal to the cart, and handing it back to you.”

“Momo!”

Waking up anxious on the day that you and Mina were going to get coffee was not a great start, barely any sleep in your eyes with your hands shaking, rolling out of your bed around 10:30am. Grabbing your phone, you head to the living room without changing out of your PJs and plopping down on the couch.

Turning on the TV and opening your phone to text Mina.

Y/N: Hey Mina! I woke up a little anxious this morning and I know we have plans today. Would it be okay if you just came to my apartment instead of us going out? 10:34am

Y/N: Maybe we can have a gaming day or something? 10:35am

🐧: Sounds good to me. Send me the address whenever you’re ready for me to head over. 10:37am

🐧: Sorry you are feeling anxious. 10:38am

About 2 hours later, after showering and cleaning up the space a little bit, you sent Mina your address. Wearing something cozy but presentable, wanting to make a semi-decent impression as this was the first time you were hanging out with Mina alone.

A small knock can be heard on the door, quickly walking over and opening it to reveal the small frame of Mina, backpack on, two coffees in her hands and a very shy look on her face.

“I know you said you were anxious and coffee probably isn’t the solution for that but I figured I’d grab you one just in case you did want some.” softly explaining the two coffees before hellos can be said.

“Come on in, make yourself at home and thank you! I’d love some coffee” as she hands you the cup and you take a sip. It’s exactly what you normally order. Just enough sugar to counteract the bitterness and a splash of cream.

Whipping your head to face her quickly, “how did you know my order?” happily confused as you gulp a few times and head for the living room with her gracefully following, after sliding her shoes off.

“I asked Momo this morning when you texted me. I’ve seen you drink coffee a few times when you were coming to hang out with us. I was worried you’d get a caffeine headache if you didn’t have some…” mumbled as you picked your spots on the couch, and turned on your console.

“It’s so sweet that you would think of me like that, Mina, Thank you.” genuinely surprised by the act of kindness. Someone you hardly knew went out of the way for you and that warmed you more than you anticipated.

Mina’s ears went red while you thanked her for the coffee. Embarrassed and feeling like she came on a little too strongly, before you mentioned you thought it was sweet. Fidgeting with her hands, walls down for a second, a gummy smile let out from her as she sifts through your list of games, choosing a fighting game.

Astounded by how good Mina was at the game, you tipped your fake hat in her direction. She let you win a few times before really showing you how good she was, getting more competitive each round you played.

Putting on a random movie and switching to handheld games on the switch you could play together, both of you sat for hours and talked about life, getting to know each other a little bit more. It was nice to spend time with someone and not have to talk about Nayeon.

There was a familiarity with Mina, something unexplainable about her presence that made her so calming. Hoping that you might ignite a similar comfort in her, the anxiety no longer sat in your chest as you got to know her more.

Learning a lot about her as she spoke of her family, life back in Japan before she was an idol, about how when her, Momo, and Sana went back for the Misamo debut, they went to her family's home and she got to eat her mom’s home cooked meals. Making mental notes of what her favorite dishes were and how she spoke so lovingly about the people she held near and dear to her.

“So, Y/N, I’m getting a little hungry, do you want to go out to get something or would you rather order it here?” The body language she was exhibiting was interesting, half closed half open. Arms lay in her lap by her switch but her legs were tightly locked. Was she comfortable here? Did she feel nervous about opening up so quickly?

“Why don’t we go out?” Suggesting while standing up, fixing your sweat pants. Maybe she just needs a little fresh air so she can relax. Suddenly feeling the need to calm her the way she eased you out of your anxiety unknowingly.

“Sounds good, there’s a new cafe around the corner, it’s a locally owned place. I think they serve Japanese food. Would you want to try that?”

“That sounds great, actually. I’d love to, especially after you talked about your mom’s cooking.” Her expression thrilled as she ran to put her shoes on, doing a little happy wiggle as she waited for you by the door.

You can’t help but chuckle at her. A glint of warmth refracting in your soul.

–

The cafe was only a block away and it was a nice afternoon so you walked side by side, making sure that you were the one closest to the street. Taking in the scenery of the new neighborhood, little shops lining the road around you from markets to touristy stores, hands unintentionally brushing each other.

“These shops seem cool, maybe we should come back another day and explore them.” Looking over at Mina as you speak, trying to pretend like your heart didn’t combust when your hands touched. The comment catches her off guard, shying into herself as you make the suggestion.

“I’d love that” whispered back to you. That means there will be a next time and that sparks joy in you.

Arriving at the cafe and getting a small table outside, ordering a bottle of Sake before ordering food.

“Can I order for you?” Mina asks, shifting her eyes from the menu, this was a test. It was written all over her face as she studied your reaction.

Squinting at her with a smile on your face, “if you’re up for the challenge,” biting back playfully. The second gummy slime shines off of her as she laughs at your terrible joke. “I think I’m up for the challenge.” competitively stated back with the corners of her mouth turned up.

Leaning into the menu, reading it line by line as she zeros her focus in. Watching the way the wheels spun in her head as you see her fold the menu and put it on the table, softly smiling back at you with a sense of accomplishment.

The waitress scurried over with the tokkuri and ochoko set, the ceramic vessel was bulbous indenting at the neck and expanding back out again while the smaller cups had a golden brown rim with a gray-ish green hue, sitting on the tray neatly.

“Alright, and here is the sake. Are we ready to order our food yet or do we need a little more time?” placing the rigged craft in front of you, and the smaller cups in front of each of you as her eyes flashed between the two of you to see who will speak up first. .

“Yes. We are ready to order.” Calmly said as the dialect switched. Blinking a few times at Mina while she ordered completely in Japanese to the waitress, pointing at the menu and speaking with her hands. Nodding her head at the response from the waitress as she handed her the menus and turning her attention back to you.

Gracefully grabbing the vessel with one hand, pouring your glass and another smooth movement, handing it to you as she placed the craft down on the small table.

“You really wanted dinner to be a surprise, huh?” Playfully before sipping the sake politely and placing it down on the table.

Picking up the tokkuri and trying to pour her a glass with as much class as she did, but failing when you looked up at her. Getting lost in her features as she watched you. “Was she always so…effervescent? High cheekbones, sharp eyes and a softness that was infectious an-“ Realizing you were still pouring, you abruptly stop almost spilling sake everywhere. Handed her the ochoko sheepishly after you had filled it a little too full.

“Maybe.” peeking up at you through her bangs as she took a small drink, chasing it with a smile and a giggle, covering her mouth with her hand that was sleeve clad, and turning red as her cheeks raised up.

Did she notice how you were looking at her? Oh god, I hope I didn’t just make things weird. A moment of panic in your body nags at you as she beams in front of you. Wow…she’s so pretty. Half mesmerized, half alarmed at your thoughts, your leg starts bouncing and fidgeting with your hands becomes your fixation, as they lay on the small metal table in front of you.

Lost in thought as you try to push away the unwelcome intrusion of nervousness, when a small velvet hand reaches out and gently places itself on the anxious tick that’s visible. Your heart skips. Eyes locking as you peer up at her, stopping in your tracks. A chill runs through your body as you take in the pureness diffusing the unease like the rain washing away blood stains on the battleground of your mind. How did she do that?

Internally realizing that you might have a slight attraction to the person you’ve just begun to hang out with, you’re slightly panicked by the idea of getting close to someone again so soon after Nayeon. Unfortunately, this realization played out on your face softly enough for the person accompanying you to dinner to notice.

“I’m sorry” uttered quickly as she pulled her hands away, moving your hands into your lap at the same moment. “I didn’t ask you if you were a physical touch person, I should have.” Mina is looking down now, seemingly worried that she crossed a line she wasn’t supposed to.

“No no- it’s fine, really. I do like physical touch…I’m just not used to it from anyone except for Nay-“ interrupted by the waitress bringing out your dinner. Slicing through the moment as she placed two similar dishes in front of both of you. Tonkotsu ramen topped with shiitake mushrooms, bean sprouts, bok choy, bamboo shoots, double the chashu, and a soft-boiled egg that’s split in half, golden yolk spilling into the array of rich colors.

Stunned as you look at the delicious meal in front of you, “Wow, this looks amazing! Did you get the same thing?” questioning as you finish off the last of the sake in your cup.

Mina notices and immediately fills it again with a soft smile. “Almost the same thing, I remembered you don’t care for the fish cakes so I had them swap my chashu with them.” followed by her finishing off her sake to keep up with you.

Pouring of the drink for her, this time focusing as hard as your brain would allow so you could get it just right under the eyes studying your movements. “You knew that?” amazed that Mina remembered such a small detail about you.

“Yes! You came to the studio one day with Nay-…” hesitating to say her name as she knows the wound is still fresh but attempting to cover it with a drink from her glass, “Her, and we all ordered from a place similar to this one and I remember you said you didn’t like the texture.”

Baffled was an understatement. Not only did this borderline stranger call you to check in and ask if you wanted to hang out, but she asked her friend what your coffee order was AND she remembered something that was such a small comment…

“It’s really sweet that you remember that, Mina.” both of you blushing as you continue to make small talk while finishing the meal.

Table cleared and on your second bottle of sake, Mina finally is brave enough to ask about what happened between you and Nayeon.

“Hey, Y/n? I know it’s probably a sensitive topic…but what happened between you and Nayeon? Momo told me that you broke up but she didn’t really mention why…” Alcohol gave her the confidence to ask the question you knew was coming all night.

“Well..” hesitating to respond, not really knowing the answer. You knew what happened, but not why it happened. Mina could see the soft sadness on your face as you contemplated how to answer her.

“Long story short, she cheated on me. The entire time.” Mina eyes widened, mouth ajar, completely in shock and frozen at what you just said.

“Oh my gosh, y/n”…I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling,” reaching her hand out to place it on your forearm, rubbing her thumb against the softness of your sweater as she made sympathetic eyes at you. Feeling sorry for what you’d been through, what this meant for you.

It was as if the goddess fell from the sky as she laid her hands on you. Physical manifestations of feelings developing as your heart pounded, breath quickened, and getting a little shaky. The sun beams through your veins as you feel the beams radiating off your face, a similar look on Mina’s.

“I didn't tell you the worst part.” Softly while she’s still caressing your arm. “It was the entire time we were together, they tried to cover it too.” Confusion, anger, sympathy mixed together into the melting pot that was Mina’s heart.

You didn’t expect her to be so emotionally available for you. Reserved was her middle name, why was she so open to physical touch with you? Ordering for you? Wondering if she was also feeling the fire that was kindling between the two of you.

“They?” Concerned tone wrapped around you tightly. It was almost…possessive. Body reacts by constricting your thighs together, you might like the possessive tendency a little too much.

“Nayeon and…Jihyo, actually”

Mina's face contorts into anger upon hearing the culprits names, hand still on your arm lightly squeezing now. Eyes wet with disappointment as she tries to hold back tears and comprehend how they could do that…to you of all people.

“I’m so sorry, my love.” Said so smoothly as if it’s always been what she called you. Pain sits behind her eyes, as she continues on “I can’t believe they would do that to you. You deserve so much better.”

Half wincing at her words, realizing they’re sprinkled with care that you weren’t used to, a sense of sorrow washes over you as you come to terms with your past relationship not being as healthy as you thought it was.

“You do know that…right?” head tilted at the question even if she already knows the answer.

“I don’t know anymore. This whole thing has been so life altering for me, it’s hard to have all these big feelings of love and anger at the same time.” speaking so candidly about the emotions you were experiencing, opening up to Mina about your internal monologue.

Continuing to drink the bottle of sake as the wind picked up a little, causing it to become slightly chillier. It was early November, so it was on the colder side. Shivering as you sat in the breeze, sun setting with golden hour brushing the scene around you and accentuating the beautiful brush strokes that composed the woman in front of you.

The bangs sitting a little lower than her eyebrows that were perfectly shaped, long waves more breathtaking than an angry sea extending far down past her shoulders to her waist, glowing skin that made her look like the embodiment of light, you can’t help but fixate your eyes on her and you’re a little too intoxicated to care if she catches you.

Standing up and stretching to go and pay the bill, Mina snatches it out of your hand and runs inside, beating you to it. Giggling a little harder than you should, when a small black compact car that was too familiar pulled up to the front of the cafe and parked.

Before you could even realize why the car was familiar, two women stepped out and stopped dead in her their tracks. Im Nayeon and Park Jihyo.

Jihyo looks like she's been crying, eyes swollen, lip still quivering as she stood next to Nayeon, who still completely covered in the imprint of your teeth and lips, clinging to her arm. Standing in silence, as the air stretches taut.

“Why haven’t you answered my text messages?” Nayeon abruptly breaks the tension. Jihyo’s eyes widen as Nayeon crosses her arms and taps her foot angrily waiting for an answer. She really was going to do this right here and now. She always lacked patience, this was a perfect example of that.

“I don’t want to.” flowing from your lips with a sour face like you completely forgot what happened the evening before, sake getting to you as you retort with malice. “Maybe you should take the hint and stop trying”

Scoffing at the comment, Nayeon shakes Jihyo off of her and walks up to you slowly while swaying her hips, like she always did at you when she was trying to get you to do what she wanted. Reaching you and placing her elbows on your shoulders as she twirls the hair cascading down your back. Skin burning under the weight of her touch, making you panic almost immediately. The disgust from before had returned in full force and it displayed on your face while she spoke.

“Come on, baby. Don’t be like that.” hand now sweeping a piece of hair out of your face, looking up at you with those big doe eyes “I know you miss me, just come home. I’m sorry you are hurting from what I did. I’ve been punished enough.” repulsed by the pet names and the attempts to win you over again.

Jihyo is uncomfortably shifting, sorrow now covered in jealousy as her lover tries to win back what was viewed as hers. Green was a lovely color on her but to wear it on her face the way she did, with no remorse, was a bold statement.

“Nayeon, I don’t want to do this with you in front of your girlfriend,” making air quotes as you say the word, “or at all really. So forget I exist and we can both just move on.” Attempting to move out of her grasp as she took in your words, not liking the reaction she was getting, she grabbed your wrist to stop you from leaving.

“So after 3 years, you’re really just going to leave me?” Slightly panicked, realizing you actually weren’t falling for her tricks anymore.

“Yes.” Stoically cascading and washing over Nayeon, rinsing away the confidence to reveal crossness and a hint of fear, while shaking her grip loose from your wrist.

“So none of it meant anything to you?” small drops of irritation on her tongue, thick like honey, while she studies your lack of want or care for her. Strikingly different from the person she used to know very well, never being met with walls built so carefully around you before.

“I think that’s actually your stance on it” spit back with malice from the guard tower at the top of the castle you built around yourself to keep her out.

“You know what y/n, if you think that you can just come into our house and fu-“ shock runs through her as she sees a figure stepping out of the cafe. The shadows hand reach up to link with yours, giving it a tight squeeze.

“Are you ready to go, my love?” Mina’s voice was a little louder than normal so both parties could hear after finding you in this tense moment. Her stance is defensive as she knowingly pokes the bear.

Jihyo and Nayeon are both completely gobsmacked by Mina not only being out of the house, but also by being with you. Hand in hand.

“My love????” Nayeon scoffed, tears building when she had an idea. “You can’t be serious right now, y/n. After last night, are you on a date with Mina? A member of my group? Do you not have your own friends to filter through? Did I not satiate you enough? …Maybe we should’ve gone one more round.” craftily leaving her mouth as she tries to cause discourse between what she thinks is a date…was it a date?

Jihyo doesn’t even try to step in or say anything, she just gets back into the car looking like her tears are about to fall again from being cast aside by the likes of you. Nayeon doesn’t even flinch at the sound of the car door, waiting for you to panic under the weight of the information just given to Mina.

Mina snaps back boldly “don’t worry, I’ll take care of her from now since you can’t satiate her, apparently.” Winking back at Nayeon while leading you down the road, back to your house, hands still together and Mina unphased. A small smirk appears on your face as you try not to laugh, not even needing to look at Nayeon's face to know that she was completely shocked by the comments made by Mina.

Nayeon tried to follow the two of you as you repressed laughter, shouting to try to get your attention again “Y/n! I can’t believe you right now! After everything we’ve been through? And Mina, you bitch! I can’t believe you wou-”

“Nayeon, get in the fucking car.” Jihyo grimaced while pulling the car up as she saw people starting to stare at the commotion. Nayeon rolled her eyes and got in. This wasn’t over yet, and everyone knew it.

–

Mina picks up her pace, giggling and tugging you behind her as she tries to get away from the disturbance plaguing you both. “I’ve never seen her so mad before, is she always that confrontational with you?” quizzically inquired as you both drunkenly sauntered back to the safety of your apartment.

“To be honest, I have no idea. This is the first time I’m seeing her react in such a way. She used to be so sweet to me before I found out about…” hesitating to finish the sentence, but Mina knew where you were going with it and just nodded her head.

“It must be really hard to feel like you don’t know her after all this time. I can’t imagine what that feels like. Someone like you shouldn’t have to deal with that at all.” boldly spoken as you reached your apartment.

“What do you mean by that?” Pressing into what she just said. “Someone like me?”

“The betrayal she put you through is ju-“ starting as she catches your eyes while you squeeze her hand.

“Mina, no, what did you mean by someone like me?” looking up at her with a sheepish smile as you unlock the door and step inside, hands still locked and still feeling the effects of the sake as you both waltz into the living room and find your spots on the couch, this time a little closer than before.

“…I-“ alcohol fighting her logic, letting go of your hand as she whispers a honey laced memory into the quiet room while curling into herself, showing the shy nature again.

“Do you remember when we first met? You went out of your way to talk to me, even if the other girls were trying to pull your attention. You even asked me about things you knew I liked to get to know me a little better and paid attention when I answered and the kindness you showed to all of us, even if some of us were a little apprehensive or even defensive…and then seeing the way you were with…her. I was astounded at the level of compassion and care that you gave to her, and to know what she did to you makes me view her very differently.” afraid to look you in the eyes as she opened up her chest, showing you a vulnerability that you’d never thought to see from her.

“I knew how important you all are to her. I wanted to make sure we all bonded because I thought…she was going to be the person I ended up with. Even if she isn’t, I’m glad it happened because she gave me Momo and now you. I feel like you were a sign from God” Grinning back at her, blush spreading through her cheeks as she smiled brightly back at you.

Both of you still feel the effects of the sake as you throw a random movie on to relax and unwind. Sitting so close together on the large couch that your arms are brushing against each other. She lifted the arm that was touching yours and placed it around your back and on your waist, you leaned into her and comfortably you both laid down, intertwined in each other.

Your head on her shoulder as she lays in her back, arm wrapped around your waist drawing small patterns with her fingers. One of your hands lightly placed where her ribs connect and legs intertwined as you slowly drifted into the most comfortable nap you’ve had in months.

—

Everything was pitch black. Eyes shifting in and out of darkness as you try to calibrate to your surroundings. A small metal table sits in the distance, the only thing that is illuminated and you can make 2 figures sitting around it, it looks like they’re talking but you can’t be sure.

Walking as quickly as you can through the shadows approaching the table, you try to shout out to them but nothing comes out. Reaching up to your throat, you hold it while you try to scream. Feeling the vibrations through your hands but not a single sound cuts through the air.

As you get closer to the figures, their details are revealed to you slowly. Shoulder length light brown hair facing the woman with long dark wavy hair. “Nayeon? Mina??” mouth trying to spit the words your lungs can’t bear to speak when Nayeon slowly turns her head to you, and says “oh, Y/n it’s about time you joined us” voice contorting, almost as if it’s overlapped by another. You’re forced to your knees by something you cannot see, and immediately smell sulfur, as Nayeon lifts your chin with one finger.

She stares into your soul, eyes completely black, as her face starts contorting and twisting, dripping off her skull. Wincing and looking at Mina to see her smiling back at you, illuminated in light.

A sense of calm washing over you, only for a second when you feel your mouth fill with blood. Still on your knees, you spit out what’s flavoring your mouth and all of your teeth come with it. Screaming in silence as you watch Nayeon get up and stand above you, grabbing your neck with both hands tightening as she holds you over a cliff edge, storm crashing around you and hisses in the distorted voice “you’ll always be mine.” Dropping you straight down into the ocean, you try to regulate yourself and swim up but it’s pitch black, swimming until you choke on water and snap awake startling Mina who was silently sleeping underneath you.

Hyperventilating heavily as you try to shake off the feeling of the dream, crying as you shake. Mina is immediately by your side, wrapping her arms around you and comforting you.

“It’s okay, I’m here. You’re safe with me. Don’t worry, I’ve got you” as she rubs your back in a circular motion to try and regulate your breathing.

Your sweater feels very constricting as a thin layer of sweat covers you, you part from Mina and start pacing as you take the hoodie off leaving you in a sports bra. Following your movements with her eyes, as you walk around aimlessly, tears falling as you try to breathe.

Mina stands up and catches you by the wrist and pulls you into her, comforting you with a hug. “You’re safe with me. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

Body unclenching as she spoke and held you close to her. A warm surge of calm pumped through your veins as you sniffled, pressing your face into her neck.

Pulling back to look at her, you can see the concern mixed with something else in her eyes. Something you’d never seen before. Your faces are close enough to feel each other's breath as she looks into your eyes and then down at your lips, your eyes following the same motion.

Leaning in closer, lips brushing against each other before fully committing, you both shyly decide this is the path your friendship is taking. Her arms slide from your lower back to your hips slowly, pressing her fingers into your hips and pulling you towards her as your mouths find each other.

Her lips so soft, tasting of the alcohol you consumed and the tension that had been building all day. Her flavor was the taste of the divine, effervescently consuming you as she coded your flesh and bones with her scriptures.

Slow and passionate, at first, slowly picking up pace. Hands exploring each other's bodies as you familiarize yourself with the sounds she makes when you tangle your fingers in her hair. She takes control, which is something you never let happen, but it’s different with her. You actually feel safe with her.

Mina grabs your waist again and pushes you down on the couch, keeping your lips connected and she swipes her tongue across your bottom lip asking for entrance, given without hesitation. Her hands leave your waist as her mouth travels to your neck, biting down lightly as you whine into the silence of the room. She stands and removes her sweater, revealing a sports bra and her well toned abs, igniting a fire within you.

Kneeling between your legs, reaching for you to get you closer to her, pulling your body as close as it would get to her. Kissing picking up again, as you feel her wrap her arms around you, toying with the clip of your bra as she threatens to undo it.

“Is this okay?” asking softly as she scatters soft sweet kisses across your face. You nod your head yes but before she can undo the clip, a loud crashing startles both of you.

“What was that?” Mina spoke up, obviously bothered by the interruption but also concerned as it sounded very close.

“I’m not sure” you were still focused on her before she got up and turned around, heading towards the front door to see what was going on.

“Y/n, you’re going to want to see this.” Mina says with a tone of worry. You run over to her to find a rock with a note tied around it shattered through the glass window next to your door.

“I’m going to call the police, please be careful, the glass is everywhere.” running to the living room to get her phone, and you stand there shirtless looking at the crime scene. Wondering how she found you, if she followed you back from the dinner you had with Mina.

Stepping carefully around the shattered sharpness scattered across the entrance way, you reach over to the note and slightly open it, gasping at the contents loud enough for Mina to hear from the other room.

“She’s mine” scrawled on it, in a familiar red ink.

Take Me Back To Eden - The Apparition - Part 5.5

#nayeon x fem!reader #twice imagines #twice angst #twice fic #wlw #twice nayeon #im nayeon #kpop x reader #mina x fem!reader #mina x reader #myoui mina

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plutosunshine · 1 year

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How to improve your self-esteem?

Venus in the houses

Venus is our self-esteem and values. The house Venus sits in can show us hints on how to help ourselves to build healthy strong self-esteem. Let’s go!

Venus in the 1st house

Of course, the main key here is your appearance. I don’t mean that you must be always gorgeous and pretty. However, it is very important for you to feel that you fit at least your standards. Hair and make-up play a big role. You feel more confident when you like your look. NB!! Not others, but you! Also, your self-esteem grows when you socialize and show your identity in group settings. Don’t hide all the gorgeous talents you have! You MUST show them to the world. Be assertive when it is necessary because achieving goals and being the best is the number one key to your self-confidence. One more thing: aesthetics. Since Venus is in the first house, which makes this planet rising, that means that the qualities of Venus are important to express as well. Aesthetics, art, beautiful things, music, poetry, acting, and everything where you can show your talents. Also, although the first house is ME and my identity, Venus requires peace and balance. It is not easy, but you have to find a balance between showing yourself and being on the same wavelength as others.

Venus in the 2nd house

Here Venus is in its own house. Meaning that the themes of this house are emphasized. Your self-esteem improves when you feel safe and all is set: you have a nice place to live, you have a good salary, and your surroundings are harmonious. Defining your values helps to gain self-confidence. It is totally okay to express your material desires. They make your self-esteem improve. This is the essence of the 2nd house. Save money to have a backup but don’t be strict with yourself. If you really want something, just get it! The key to your self-esteem is your well-being. When you are fed well, dressed well, and generally feel good, you are confident. Any aesthetic activity that makes you feel calm and satisfied is good. Art and other creative areas also may help you because it develops your sense of beauty and allows you to express your talents.

Venus in the 3rd house

Your self-esteem is growing when you feel that you are an interesting companion. The worst nightmare is when people call you boring. That is why sometimes you are trying too hard to attract attention. However, it is only because of your insecurities. I think the key here is to allow yourself to be outgoing and funny personality which you are. Express your interest in communication and exploration. Your self-esteem improves when you feel knowledgeable. You need to constantly receive and share some interesting information. Also, learning something will increase your self-esteem as well. It can be anything: from cooking to science. You just need new knowledge to feel your self-worth and it is okay because it is the way your Venus feels at home. Don’t be afraid to show your knowledge, and make new friends and connections. Also, writing is very good for you. For example, you can express your feelings on paper. It might help you to build a strong relationship with yourself.

Venus in the 4th house

Your self-esteem improves when you are in touch with your emotions and your subconscious needs are met. It is very important not to suppress emotions and feelings. Also, helping and understanding make you feel needed. Sometimes it is not so good thing to seek this feeling, but for Venus in the 4th house supporting and helping someone is beneficial. Every field and place where you can express your ability to FEEL will be useful. For example, psychology, astrology, volunteering, etc. Also, as you know, the 4th house = home. Meaning that you MUST have your own safe place to restore your energy resources. Decorating and cleaning are helpful for your Venus because on a subconscious level you perceive this home as welcoming and safe.

Venus in the 5th house

One word — self-expression. As simple as that, your self-esteem improves when you express yourself and your talents. If you don’t show your creativity, it will grow inside you and turn into poison. So it is so important to express that! Even if you think that the idea is stupid, please just try! Because it is not only about the result but also about the process. Also, showing others your warm and generous side will help your Venus a lot. Be yourself and don’t hide even weird and unusual sides of you because it is still you. Love yourself and respect your desires, enjoy life, and be optimistic about the world! Also, your self-esteem improves when you are the best at something. It shouldn’t be something great, it can be just a little thing that is only yours.

Venus in the 6th house

Your self-esteem improves when you build your plans and fulfill them. Yes, the 6th house here is all about working on yourself. You feel fulfilled when you follow your own rules and routines. It makes you feel like everything is in its place. Sometimes others find your little habits weird but it is who you are. Also, healthy nutrition and sport will make you feel more confident. Being healthy and put together improves your self-esteem. In addition, helping others helps you as well! The 6th house is all about service and when you help someone you feel fulfillment. It is just your essence so don’t hide it!

Venus in the 7th house

Venus here is in its own house but this placement is kind of tricky. Sometimes your self-esteem depends on your partner and you can’t find solid ground for your own personality. It can be so frustrating that you may feel even empty without a partner. However, this situation is not healthy because Venus and the 7th house are all about balance. Yes, Venus in the 7th house screams PARTNERSHIP, but you need to find balance. Give and take equally, respect each other and find harmony in this relationship. This is the main lesson for Venus in the 7th house. Your self-esteem improves when you and your partner find balance and peace in your relationship.

Venus in the 8th house

The 8th house is all about transformations so sometimes having Venus in the 8th house feels unbearable. Your self-esteem transforms constantly. Sometimes you almost don’t feel it but sometimes it breaks your heart. However, it is the essence of this placement. You need to transform yourself and the perception of your values. Life will give you a lot of critical situations that will test your values and self-confidence. Yes, this is not an easy placement to have, but this tough experience makes your self-esteem unbreakable and solid and you become wise and unstoppable.

Venus in the 9th house

Your self-esteem improves when you get new experience and share it with others. It is so important for you to explore the world and build your own philosophy in life. You need to dig deep into the definition of the word «freedom». Your self-esteem improves when you feel no pressure and when you can do whatever you want with your life. Advice-giving is so good for your Venus. You have a lot to share with others so do that! Also, any kind of exploration of other cultures is good, whether it be a new language or travel. Your self-esteem improves when you can help others using your own experience. That is why you would be a great couch!

Venus in the 10th house

Your self-esteem improves when you are the best of the best in your field. You need respect and admiration from others. However, it is important to mention the difference between dependence on someone's opinion and deserved admiration for hard work. The second case is about Venus in the 10th house. Your self-esteem improves when you work hard on your goal and it doesn’t matter how big it is. You just need to build a plan and follow it until your goal is reached. Your self-esteem NEEDS to have a goal. It can be something small but also don’t shy away from big ones!

Venus in the 11th house

Your self-esteem grows when you are not afraid to express your authentic self and show your weird sides to the world. It is extremely important not to think about the opinion of others when it comes to your self-expression and creativity. Sometimes your ideas may seem strange but it is where the real innovation lies! Your self-esteem improves when you feel that your life is fully yours and you can do whatever you want. Also, like-minded people give you confidence because you know that you are not the only one. In addition, participation in some social activities helps your Venus to feel better. For example, charity or fighting for someone's rights.

Venus in the 12th house

Your self-esteem improves when you can express your deep emotions through creativity. Whether it be music or theatre, you need to find a way to free your endless feelings. It can be something small! Also, your self-esteem improves when you help those who are in need. However, be careful! Your sweet soul sometimes doesn’t understand when people take advantage of you. Everything must be in balance. Also, you need to find a field where you can use your empathic gifts to help others. For example, psychology, astrology, therapy, etc.

#astrology observations #astrology posts #astrology community #astrology #venus #venus in the houses #astro #astro notes

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digitaldiarystuff · 5 months

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FRIENDS?

Hello everyone, this is my digital diary which I’ll pour what’s in my head. Hope you enjoy my writing and feel free to reach out to me!

— — — —

summary: you’ve met Jude through your close friend which put you in the same friend group but even though you’ve fancied him from the jump you’re also scared because you know how footballers can be

pairing: Y/N - Jude Bellingham

genre: angst / fluff

— — — —

“Are you done putting the decorations up?” your friend Chris asked. This was his christmas party and you were helping him add the finishing touches.

“Yeah I’m almost done. Don’t worry it’s going to be great.” you said reassuringly.

“I know but this is my first christmas in Madrid and I want everything to be perfect.” he said coming to the living room to see the final product.

You have known Chris since you were in high school, your parents knew each other and you were cordial until the end of high school when you both decided to move to a bigger city. You, for education and him to pursue his music career which has been great so far. He had put out 2 albums in 2 years and had big success.

When you were new to the city, you two bonded over the loneliness you sometimes felt and that prompted your close friendship. Even as he gained followers and became famous, he made sure you were with him. He invited you to events, referred to you as a sister in interviews.

“It’s going to be amazing!” you exclaimed as the doorbell rang. He went to open the door welcoming his friends which consisted of some influencers, producers and even one or two footballers who listened to him and invited him to games.

You hugged them as everyone was coming in and complimenting the party and you. Being one of the few people who wasn’t a celebrity, you’ve put a lot of effort into your appearance tonight. You wanted to look good.

“Hello, darling.” you heard someone say and you absolutely knew who he was. It was Jude freaking Bellingham. You’ve met Jude through Chris as well and you’ve formed a semi close friendship over the last couple months, though you couldn’t help but develop a massive crush on the guy from the day you’ve seen him. He was everything you’d wanted, handsome, nice, sassy, tall and funny but you always remained cool. Even though you sometimes felt his eyes on you for too long or his hand on the small of your back, you knew how they were and you couldn’t blame him. He’s in his prime and playing for one of the most prestigious clubs in the world, he could get anyone he wanted and you reminded yourself that a couple of times a day just to get him out of your mind.

“Hi Jude!” you said and hugged him.

“You look incredible.” he said while his nose was in your hair, the hug lasted an eternity before you decided to pull back.

“Thank you, you look great too.” you said slightly blushing. He had this kind of effect on you, he said things that wouldn’t normally make you feel things like this. He really looked amazing, though. He was wearing a black button up shirt since this was a special occasion but you knew whatever he was wearing didn’t matter he just was devastatingly handsome.

“Okay, let’s get this party started!” Chris yelled as everyone around you cheered including Jude.

It had been a couple of hours into the party and everyone was pretty wasted at this point. You were also a little dizzy but not too bad. It was going great with games and traditions and right now you were sitting on the couch between Chris and Sofie, one of your friends and playing cards when your eyes caught Jude’s. He was out by the pool and drinking alone, deep in thoughts.

You excused yourself and went over to him. He didn’t notice you until you were just in front of him.

“Don’t party this much, you might regret it tomorrow.” you said in a teasing voice.

“How can I enjoy myself if you’re far from me?” he asked in the same tone.

“I-you could’ve come to me.” you mumbled in a newly found confidence. Maybe you shouldn’t have had that last glass of champagne.

“You wanna sit?” he asked as he slides on the sunbed. You carefully sat next to him hoping you weren’t in his space much but on the contrary, Jude felt like you were too far away and gently placed his hand on your waist pulling you closer.

“This is better.” he mumbled, clearly more intoxicated than you’ve ever seen him. He was always a flirty person with you but this was next level.

“What were you thinking?” you asked suddenly remembering seeing him sitting alone silently.

“I wasn’t thinking of anything.” he answered but you just raised your brow.

“What? I wasn’t!” he said like a kid that’s been caught.

“I know you better than that Bellingham.” you said.

“Well, if you really know me, you tell me what I was thinking.”

“That’s not how this works!” you exclaimed laughing. He joined after hearing you.

“I was thinking about you.”

“What were you thinking about me?”

“I was thinking” he trailed off. You decided to wait and not pester him.

“…about you.” he confessed and looked up to your eyes staring intensely. It’s like he was trying to read your thoughts about his confession.

“Jude” you said, sighing. You wanted to believe his words so bad but seeing every footballer you know being a player, you found it hard to believe.

“Y/N” he said in the same tone, trying to get your attention to him.

“It’s true, I was thinking of you.” he tried again.

“You’re just drunk.” you chuckled slightly trying to lift the mood. You were in denial, hoping he would just stop this before you say how you feel about him embarrassing yourself because you were too close to saying how you always think about him as well.

“I am.” he accepted. “But that doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

You gulped and your eyes closed for a second before you opened them again and saw him even closer than before. Your eyes shifted to his lips and he watched your every move carefully. Just as he was leaning in, one of your drunken friends yelled out to you stating she was going home before being sick. You turned to her immediately afraid that she’d realize what’s going on but she was too wasted to even see anything. You got up and went to her without even glancing at Jude embarrassed about being this afraid. It wasn’t like you haven’t thought about kissing him, it was just you knew he was drunk and didn’t want to be just someone for him to spend the night with and leave without caring.

One by one, everyone started leaving. It was just Chris, his situationship, you, 2 of his friends and Jude. The night had slowed down and you were just on the couch talking about life until Chris took his lady’s hand and took her upstairs before telling you to crash wherever you want to.

You started cleaning up before going up to the guest bedroom that was designated for you. You took a trash bag from the kitchen trying to empty plates until you felt another presence in there with you. It was Jude.

“Did they leave?” you asked, trying to make conversation. You were still pretty nervous about your moment out by the pool.

“Yeah.” he said shortly. Just as he was bringing the glasses on the counter he stumbled and nearly broke them before pulling himself together.

“You’re barely walking straight, just stop Jude.” you said laughing.

“No, I’m not!” he said offended.

“C’mon.” you said taking his hand in yours to help him balance, taking him to the guest bedroom. He drove there and there’s no way you were letting the starboy of football drunk drive on christmas.

“Where are you taking me?” he asked like a child.

“The guest bedroom, you need to sleep.”

He didn’t protest, just followed you but held your hand harder. Just then you realized how you were holding hands but didn’t want to make it awkward and pull your hand back.

You entered the room followed by Jude and sat him on the bed. He still didn’t let go of your hand. You tried pulling back but he didn’t let you.

“Jude, you need to rest.” you said smiling softly.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“I’m going downstairs to clean up a little and rest too.” you explained.

“Where?”

You actually now realized this is the only spare bedroom in Chris’ home.

“On the couch.” you said sounding more like a question.

“No you’re not.” he said making you sit down with him.

“Yes I am, we can’t fit in one bed.” you said terrified about the possibility of sleeping next to Jude. You already knew you couldn’t even relax just hold your breath the entire night.

“Are you calling me fat?” he asked, smiling.

“No, I’m calling you big.”

“I heard girls like that.” he smugly said. Of course girls liked it, especially me.

“Well, some girls do.”

“And you don’t?” he asked curiously.

“Jude, you’re wasted. Just sleep.” you said trying to change the subject.

“I’m not even tipsy Y/N. I’ve only had 2 beers.” he said like it was obvious.

“What-Well you looked drunk.” you said shocked.

“That was the only way to get you to pay attention to me. Look, you’re taking care of me.” he said motioning your intertwined hands.

“Well, that’s what friends are for.” you said looking down.

“Yeah, friends do that. But we’re not friends.” he said before leaning in and capturing your lips with his and kissing you softly.

#jude bellingham #football #football imagine #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham oneshot #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham x yn #football oneshot #football angst #football fluff

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guardian5tiger3 · 4 months

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Pick a Group Tarot !

What's up ?

1. 2. 3.

Group 1 .

I'm actually picking up on past energy, like maybe 2000's , early 2010's .? It depends for everyone, the point is it's a message about the past, your past self. Something about your future has something to do with your past. Ok, of course. I mean, it's being suggested that you should go back in time, enjoy stuff you used to like that might make you nostalgic. Music, shows, movies, anything really. Especially around middle school age . Once again, it depends , but for a lot of you that's about the age I'm talking about, I believe. For some of you this is way off lol. The point is to relive some stuff from your past, bring back some memories. It'll open up your heart somehow. You'll feel a lot about it if you do, and find the right stuff. It may motivate you and give you a lot of energy moving forward. Hell. Yah. You guys. What more needs to be said. This is a sweet reading , if you ask me. A lot of you come up with so many questions and thoughts, yo why not just take the advice and try it out and if it works it works. Okay some of you are kind of struggling right now. For whatever reason, though, this is what I'm supposed to tell you. In general what spirit wants for you is to open your heart up and feel in your heart. Also weirdly specific but, something about a croissant.

Group 2.

Y'all need to be strong within yourselves at this time , maybe even more than usual. I'm getting this could very well be socially especially or for some in a work environment. Why am I picking up on a movie theatre. Mainly the popcorn. You guys seem like you're just kinda waiting for something to happen, and you're hoping this something happens, and it's good I'm seeing that you guys are dreaming big and stuff ya know.

Ohhhhhh. Y'all know what. Some of you need to maybe rethink a situation you rejected cause you're wanting someone specific and waiting for that. You literally might have just walked right past exactly what you want deep down lol. You guys!!!!! W.t.f. lol. Take your time to think about stuff and reflect. You may not even know what or who I'm talking about . Y'all gonna have to sit back for a while and contemplate maybe. Maybe you have too many standards or ideas but the universe knows what you want and need even more than you do. Dude I see this being a raw blessing. Y'all lmaoo!!! Serious. It may not seem appealing cause of whatever you've been taught to think or just your perception at first, but I'm telling you!!! Just, think about it, ok. You guys seem great by the way, good vibes. Just a little judgemental maybe. But I mainly feel lighthearted. I think that's lowkey your true natures, so, yeah. Peace and love ya goobers. Dang.

Group 3 .

You guys, sometimes you don't actually have to literally win the game to win the game. Sometimes playing the game and enjoying the game is where you really win, at the end of the day. Y'all get what I'm saying? Don't be too serious, don't be too hard on yourself or anyone else. You might need to have some heart healing taking place. Someone must have been harsh to you at some point in your life. You just need to reflect on that if that's the case, maybe and be nice to yourself and rebel against that. I'm also picking up the general concept of becoming your own best friend , being an appreciable character personality. Mainly a lot of what I'm getting is just reteaching yourself to be nice to yourself and enforcing respect on ya name. If you might be a little scared of personal development in some specific way though you know deep down it's good for you, know I can sense people will actually like and enjoy you even more afterwards.!

#free tarot readings #pac reading #pick a card reading #pick a picture #pick a pile #tarot reading #pac #pick a card #tarot pac #pac tarot

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xiaosonlybeloved · 4 months

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7 Minutes in Heaven- Gojo Satoru

featuring:- Gojo Satoru x fem!reader, Shoko, Utahime, Geto, Nanami tags:- fluff, y/n and gojo being absolute lovesick idiots, dumb and cringy pickup lines, kisses a/n:- again, i apologise for the cringe but your wishes have been fulfilled. i swear, next time it REALLY will be angst. Also this was based of a req i got on my main haha

wc:- 2k || masterlists

Shoko and Utahime were dragged by you into a nearby room, the door shutting behind them forcefully. “Guys you can’t literally be serious.” You exclaimed. Shoko yawned as she said, “It’s literally just a game, [Y/N]. Relax, you’re getting all worked up for nothing.” You looked at her in sheer disbelief as you whisper-shouted “But he’s here too! What if we- god forbid- get paired?” Utahime chuckled at your nervousness as she put an arm around your shoulder and said, “Well, that’s a great opportunity for you, isn’t it? I mean, no offence [Y/N, you’re my best friend and I love you, but you are driving me crazy with all your rambling about Gojo. Like, I get it, you like him, please go and confess.” She sighed. You were about to retort with a denial before a series of soft knocks sounded on the door. “Are you guys there? We’re waiting, if you’re ready.” Geto’s ever-calm voice came from the other side of the door. Shoko immediately responded with a “Yup, just [Y/N] being silly.”

The room to be used for the game had been appropriately darkened and set up. Nanami was working on the chits they’d used to select the two people for 7 minutes in heaven when they re-entered the living room. You released your breath in relief. Nanami was the most trustworthy in the group, and there was definitely no chance of rigging the chits. You know that if it was anyone else, probably all the chits would be filled with your and Gojo’s name.

Yeah, you have no idea how it even came about in the first place, but you had developed a terrible crush on one of your best friends, Gojo Satoru. Every moment you spent with him casually just made it worsen, as you noticed more and more things about him- the small twinkle in his eyes when he was up to some mischief, the assured self-confidence in his grin, the way his demeanor softened a bit on seeing all of you, and so much more. Even worse for you, you believed that he would never reciprocate, leading you to rant about it to your best friends, lovesick. (To the point that they consulted Geto and Nanami about it without your knowledge, only to find that those two were facing the exact same problem. Safe to say, Nanami was even more pissed than usual by Gojo.)

You’re brought back to the present from your daydreams by Geto calling out, “Hey, could you and Gojo please get the timer and some snacks from the storeroom? It’s gonna be a while.” You swallowed a bit as you nodded, “Yeah sure.” ,walking towards the said location with Satoru close behind you.

It took the both of you some time to find the timer, which had been buried in some box somewhere, and you couldn’t help but feel that it was on purpose. By the time you two came back, the others were ready with the chits and waiting impatiently for you. “Took you long enough.” Utahime grumbled as she grabbed the snacks from you without bothering to ask nicely, passing over some packets to the others. There was only one bowl with all your names, ‘to make it more interesting’.

The chips and cakes and drinks were passed around as Nanami drew the first two chits- Him and Geto. He shrugged as if bored already, as he followed Geto into the designated room. From beside you, Gojo groaned that this was a waste of time because absolutely nothing would happen between those two, as he impatiently tapped his foot- another thing you’d noticed about him. To while away the seven minutes, you put on some of your favorite songs, the others beside you perking up as they recognised their all time favorite artist. (im listening to taylor rn lmao) At the end of the time, you guys noiselessly padded over the carpets and barged into the room to find both of them- asleep.

You merely deadpan at the sight while Satoru instantly ran over to Nanamin and grabbed his arm to pull him up, the said man spewing a string of curses at the sudden disturbance, Shoko doing the same with Geto. Then Nanami pulled the next two chits, and your heart sinked as he first called out your name then, “..Geto?”

Everyone at the table simultaneously frowned as Geto leaned over to look at the chit. “...That’s literally Gojo in my cursive handwriting.” Frowning, you grab the chit from Nanamin to confirm, and indeed it was Gojo’s name written on it. Geto leaned back in his chair, unimpressed at his friends’ inability to read his writing, while you weren’t sure whether to be happy or upset that you’d be locked in a room with your long-time crush.

“Well, let’s go now, the seven minutes are ticking away!” Satoru laughs as he pulls you gently into the designated room by the wrist. Utahime and Geto cheerfully call out “Good luck!” and you swear you can see everyone sigh with relief.

You take a deep breath and walk through the door Satoru is chivalrously holding open for you with a grin, and Satoru follows as the door is locked from outside. But just a moment later, he trips and falls. He quickly gets up though, as he looks at you and says, “Hey, do you have a bandaid? Cause I scraped my knee falling for you.”

You blink at him, once, twice, till you start laughing. He pouts, upset. “That’s so rude of you [N/N]!” You respond with “You should tie your shoelaces- I don’t want you falling for anyone else.” Now its Satoru’s turn to be flabbergasted, and you’re sure both your friends would be highly disappointed with your cringy as hell pick-up lines, but hey, atleast you’re not nervous anymore. “You don’t need to worry, cause I was enchanted to meet you. Still am, by the way.”

Your smile turns sad as the reality of the situation sinks in. Satoru was probably just using these to while away the time, and the fact that you really were in love with him didn’t help. “Satoru, I think we should stop now, because it hurts to know that you don’t really mean any of this.” “But I do!” Satoru protested vehemently. You turned away from him to face the wall. “Stop joking, please. Fine, I’ll admit it. I really like you Toru, and I wanna be more than just friends with you but I know you don’t feel the same. Still, its not nice of you to play with my heart like that.”

A beat of silence, then another, and suddenly you’re scared that you’ve ruined everything that was between you- friendship or more.

And then you feel Satoru hugging you from behind, as you freeze up. You think you might just malfunction, because the Gojo Satoru just kissed you on the cheek with a lopsided smile. “Now now, who gave you the impression that I didn’t like you back? If anything, I thought that my feelings weren’t returned.”

You spin around in his embrace, shocked. Mistake, you realise, because your faces are so close to each other now, that if either of you leant forward a bit, you’d be kissing. “Are you being serious right now?” You whisper. “For once, yes, I’m being dead serious. But since we both like each other, can we just skip the formalities and kiss? Because right now, you’re the one torturing me with this proximity.” Satoru replies back, fully serious, and it makes you laugh a little as you finally, finally, pull his pretty face towards yours to kiss him like you’ve been longing to all this time.

Satoru immediately responds in kind, and you’re not quite sure how much time passes while you two are lost in each other, but eventually Satoru pulls away a bit, and you frown at the loss of contact. After a moment, you hesitantly say, “..Well? What do we do now?” At this, Satoru smirks as he fully pulls away. “Of course, we go back to acting like we did before. Let’s make our dearest friends think their genius ploy to get us together has miserably failed. I always love a good prank, and this’ll be one of the best.”

Again, you can’t help but chuckle at this. “So you suspected something was up? Yeah, me too. What I’m wondering is how they convinced Nanamin to join in. I genuinely didn’t think Nanami would ever do something like this.” “Remember when we all went to see Geto and him? I bet that at that time, Shoko and Utahime switched up the bowl of chits. That's like the only way possible.” “Nanami must still have been in on it though.”

“The seven minutes are almost up, I think. Right, so I’m gonna go to this wall and you go there, and we’ll pretend we haven’t been talking much. I can bet you they’re eavesdropping on us even right now, but I know from experience that its very hard to actually make the words out. So basically, they won’t know shit.” Amused, you go along with his plan. Except that now its actually embarrassing to act the way you used to, all lovesick at the mere sight of him, and you think he feels the same way from the way he’s blushing slightly.

A minute or two passes, and you’d think it was incredibly awkward, but its actually funny by the way Satoru keeps grinning at you, or says even more dumb pick up lines occasionally. Suddenly, the door bursts open, as if your friends are hoping to catch you in the middle of some heinous act. Imagine their sheer disappointment to see the scene in front of them.

Utahime stomps over to you as you rush out of the room, the way you would have done a day ago. “Well?” she demands forcefully. “Did anything happen?”

Its so very hard to keep a poker face at her furious expression on hearing the blunt “No.” from you. She mutters something before proceeding to strangle Geto, who was strangling Gojo. Your and Satoru’s eyes meet, and you almost crack up at the mischief sparkling in his eyes- another thing about him that made you fall in love.

Oh well. You’re sure your friends will find out soon, but for now its highly entertaining to watch them at their wit’s end. You smile at Satoru when no one’s looking, and he sends a wink your way.

Bonus:-

Lessons had ended, and Satoru, being the gentleman that he is, came to fetch you from the class. The others were nowhere to be seen, and taking advantage of the moment, Satoru decided to kiss you- no one is here after all.

Unfortunately, you lose track of time as a screech resounds in the empty and silent class. You two jump away from each other, startled and guilty as charged, while your friends stand at the entrance of the classroom with a betrayed look on their faces. The two parties just stare at each other till Geto finally, slowly asks, “How long?”

You sheepishly respond with the truth, and the look of shock on is just priceless. You sigh internally- Your friends are something, and your now-boyfriend is an entirely different kind of something.

Satoru sticks out his tongue at them before kissing you again, on the cheek this time.

Cue Nanami strangling Gojo. (They all gag, but they’re very relieved.)

Reblogs, Votes and comments are very much appreciated <33

#skylia's works #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #gojo #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #gojo fluff #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x you #jjk fluff #shoko ieiri #nanami kento #geto suguru #utahime #gojo satoru fluff #gojo x reader fluff #satoru gojo x reader

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wowzah2nd · 2 months

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A Not So Secret Relationship

Severus Snape x reader

Word count: 2k

after years of a not so secret relationship a student catches then sharing a loving kiss. Which cause rumours to spiral around the school, whats going on with professor Snape and professor L/N?

You had been working at hogwarts since you were 20 which was the youngest the school had seen to teach muggle studies since you were muggleborn. 2 years later your dear friend severus snape joined you to teach as well but was offered potion professor and not defence against the dark arts professor. Even though you were very different, you being a gryffindor and him being a slytherin you got along very well. You actually didn’t become friends till both your last years at Hogwarts. You always saw him alone or being bullied by the same gryffindor as James Potter, Sirius black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew also called the marauders and one day you decided to stand up for him seeing how cruel it was.

Flashback

It was a normal day at Hogwarts. You were walking around the hall when you heard a commotion coming from around the corner. You'd decided to take a peak and see what was happening and you could see the marauders bullying someone and hanging him upside down. As soon as you saw that you made a run for it towards James who was the one casting the spell as you went near him you pushed him to lose focus luckily the boy wasn’t too high up when he fell.

Y/N: what is wrong with you lot doing that to someone that is just cruel and mean

James: well he deserved it y/n you know what he called lilly, he called her a mudblood

I paused for a second looking between them the boy was no sat against the wall but i still thought what he did was cruel

Y/N: still doesn't give you the right to treat someone so cruelly, if he did say something like then your the one that's supposed to be better and not do things so idiotic you head boy after all lead my example

The group stared at me in surprised that i would defend a slytherin

James: come on boy let's get out of here

Before they were fully out of ear shot i heard them call me a traitor to my house but i didn't care no one deserved such cruel treatment

As soon as I couldn't see them I turned to the boy that got bullied. He was a little hurt getting a scratch on his head from being dropped. Which was my fault, maybe I should have made me put him down slowly instead of pushing him. I crouched down to his level grabbing my handkerchief from my school bag to wipe the little blood on his head

As i was wiping his head he decided to finally speak

Boy: their telling the truth you know

Y/N:I know

He finally looked at me and look surprised

Boy: then why did you help me aren’t you a muggleborn too

I gave out a long sigh

Y/N: I am, but no one ever deserves to be treated less than anything human also how did you know i was a muggleborn

Boy: i was friends with lily before i called that name and she mentioned you a couple times

Y/N: oh did she now i didn’t really think we were friends we barely talk

Boy: yeah she talks about how smart and nice you were apparently you helped her out a few time and she felt grateful for. You are really nice by the way

I giggle at his comment it seemed he was shy when saying it

Y/N: well thank you…

Severus: snape, Severus Snape

Y/N: well snape, can i call you severus instead

Severus: only my friends call me that

I gave him a big smile

Y/N: well wanna be friends then

It took awhile to get him to agree to being friends but it was a great friendship even if people thought it was weird me being friends with him but i never let it bother me and over time i started to develop feelings for him but never got to tell him at school

Flashback ended

It had been 2 years since I graduated and I had become a muggle studies teacher here after Dumbledore gave me the offer and I gladly accepted . another year passed when a new teacher can when i found out it was severus when i saw him in the staff room i ran to him and gave him a big hug.

He was a bit taken aback from the hug and luckily no one else was in the staff room to see

Y/N: i miss you so much severus why did you ever write me

I started to let out all my suppressed emotions that i didn’t realise i was holding in. he let out a sigh before speaking

Severus: I had my reasons that i can’t tell you just yet but i will say that i have missed you too and i was actually scared yo see you

Y/N: why were you scared to see me

Severus: well that because… i wanted to confess something to you..

I was looking hopeful at him now had he been feeling the same way about me like i have about him

Severus: i have liked you for so long and every day that ive thought about you that feeling has grown and developed into love. Even though its been years since i last saw you i finally realised that i love you and wanna be with you. So if youd allows me can i take you in a date

I immediately jumped him and gave him a bear crushing hug

Y/N: of course severus you can and i love you too i loved you every since we started to be friends

He gave out a sigh of relief at my answer

Severus: you have no idea how happy i am right now

Ever since that day you have started to date everyone knew but ever brought it up since it wasn’t their business but what they saw warmed their heart. Seeing the one cold and withdrawn severus actually turn happy when you walked into a room or were in the area. But of course he still tried to hid that side of it since they thought only you deserved to see that side of him but he could not always hide it. Few years later after dating you'd gotten married it was a big ceremony it was a small one of just you and him just how you always wanted

And that now brings us to the year 1993 10 years after being married you still loved teaching at that school mainly because you also wanted to be close to Severus and he never complained. But only complained about harry potter it was the boys third year and as alway severus did really like him since he was a reminder of his youth and i would never blame him

Y/N: hello severus how are you this morning my love

I made my way into in classroom due to not seeing him during breakfast

Severus: not so good if im honest

I placed down a small plate of food he can eat since i know he didnt grab anything before heading back to the classroom

Y/N: and why is that love

Severus: well it’s because i'm teaching potters class

I let out a sigh

Y/N: you know he’s not his father right so please cut the boy a little bit of slack and the rest of the kids they have me later in the day and they still complain

Severus: i know his not his father but he remind me so much like him

Y/N: he won’t be like him the school will teach him better

Severus let out a sigh before grabbing my hand to say come sit with me, so i sit on his lap as we continue our conversation

Severus: your right, but i still won’t go easy on him or the student they need to learn one wrong move they’ll all end up like mister finnigan

I giggle at all the memories i had over the years that id seen the boy come in my class with missing eyebrows

Y/N: give the poor boy some slack he’s not very good at potions it's a hard subject for him

Severus: your beautiful when you smile you know…also i'll never stop loving you laugh it just brings be joy every time

At those comments i started to blush

Y/N: severus stop you're embarrassing me

Severus: i'm just trying to tell my dear wife how much i think she's beautiful and how much i love her presence

Y/N: well Mr snape i love you too

Severus: well Mrs snape i love you more

He cupped my cheek before he leaned in for a long passionate kiss, but without realising it students had filed into the class a a few had saw that kiss both. One of the student decided to get our attention and we both broke away from the kiss in surprise

Student: u-um excuse us professors

Y/N; o-oh im so sorry i should let you teach severus

I got up from his lap and made my way out of the class

Y/N: bye severus see you later

That potion class was a even bad one for those students since any student who tried to ask about what they saw would question it

After morning classes it was lunchtime and whispers and rumours already spread around the school about Severus and you. Causing severus to be annoyed he hated when people talked about you but it made you giggle more than anything since the amount of theories people thought of

Class had resumed and you had the third years first and you knew they were gonna ask questions but you didn;t mind telling them the truth it really surprised you though not more people new about you and severus marriage you neve had your affection but severus did always acted indifferent to it but you knew deep down he loved and didn't want people to see

As everyone was making their way into class you could sense they had questions but decided to ask later. As the class went one you decided that taking a 10 min break would be good for them since that class can be boring

Y/N: okay that's enough for now let's take a 10 min break ok

After saying that it was a que for students to start asking questions

Y/N: yes mister Weasley

Ron: is it true what they’re saying

Y/N: you'll need to be specific mister weasley

He looked a bit nervous to ask the question but the whole class was looking at him to ask it. Seems like everyone else wanted to know to

Ron: is it true you kissed professor snape i hear from some slytherin’s who went into the classroom they saw you

I gave out a long sigh i might as well be honest or else they may go wild with the rumours

Y/N: not that its anyone's business but yes it’s true we did kiss

Everyone was shocked and all started to talk either saying “ i told you so” or “ how can that be”

Then one of the slytherin’s asked a questions

Blaise: but miss aren't you a gryffindor and mister snape a slytherin

I was disappointed at that statement i hated house rivalries they always went to far

Y/N: yes its true mister Zabini but house should never matter when it come to love

That made the commotion even louder they didn’t think love was involved yet, most likely think this was a new occurrence

Then some one in the class decided to ask a smart question to finally put the pieces together

Hermione: Professor L/N what your relationship with Professor Snape

I gave a smile finally someone had maye notice i never really talked about my relationship unless asked same with severus so getting this question was a little bit exciting to me

Y/N: well miss granger good question my relationship with Professor snape is actually a simple question to answer

I paused for dramatic effect looking at all the anticipated face of the students giving them a sweet smile

Y/N: were actually Husband and Wife

Everyone was shocked giving out surprised gasps at the very thought

Student 1 : no way that can’t be true

Student 2 : why are you married to snape

Student 3: how long have you been married ?

Student 4: unbelievable

I decided to hush the class to explain this was such a big surprise to all of them apparently

Y/N; 1 it is true me and severus have been together for a few years now and quite happily married we’ve known each other since out student days, 2 severus is a very kind person and i would not appreciate you all bad mouthing my husband around me and 3 it very believable

After answering all their question classes resumed and it was finally finished the day went on as normal but you next classes were pretty much the same as the third years asking questions and being very shock at a gryffindor and slytherin were together

Classes were now done and it was time for dinner as you were waiting for dinner to start you waited for Severus but it seemed like he was a bit late, probably marking. But after a few minutes he had finally arrive while dinner was in full swing.

Y/N: hello love how were classes today

He seemed very grumpy probably due to the students constant questions

Severus: no very good student don’t know how to keep questions to them seleves

As he said that i look towards to student seeing them looking at our interactions, and a plan came into my head it could anger him a little bit or maybe help

So i decided while everyone was looking at us and he was talking, to give him a kiss on the cheek and i did

He froze for a sec but then relaxed guess the kiss worked and for a moment he ignore everyone around us and cupped my cheek to give me a quick kiss on the lips

Severus; i love you, i really do my darling wife

I smile at him i was so in love with this man

Y/N: i love you too my darling husband

After that everyone said awwww in the great hall which cause severus to snape out of it and go cold once again i slid my hand under the table to hold his hand to make sure he was okay and he squeezed back telling him he was fine then i brought it to my lips to give it a kiss causing everyone to awww once again

And to this day people say they could have sworn they saw professor snape blush

#severus snape #Severus snape x reader #harry potter #secret relationship #established relationship #romance #angst #fluff

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mysterious-moonstruck-musings · 5 months

Text

Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 27

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist Dieter Bravo X OFC

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives.

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Warnings: Discussions about intimate partner violence, suicidal ideation, mental health struggles, drug abuse, and alcohol abuse.

Chapter Quote: "I got to snuggle some baby goats."

It took everything in me to hold back the sob that threatened to escape the instant I heard Dieter’s voice. I momentarily placed my hand over my mouth to hold it in and compose myself. I let out a shaky breath as I tried to find my voice.

“Dieter?”

I could hear his stuttered breathing on the other end of the line. He sounded like he was battling with his emotions too.

He cleared his throat, “Yeah… it’s me.”

I sighed loudly into the phone as the tears started to slide down my face. I felt like my brain had completely shut down on me, unsure of what to say but also feeling the urge to say everything all at once. It was so overwhelming but also awkward since we had not talked in so long. There were still so many things up in the air between us.

“How’ve you been?” He asked, sounding unsure of himself. I felt like he didn’t know what to say either.

I sniffed loudly as I wiped at my face, “Umm, I’ve been ok. How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling good. Normal, I think…then again…I’m not sure I really know what normal is,” we both laughed nervously.

“I’m feeling better than I have in a long time. I can confidently say that at least,” he added.

I smiled. It was nice to know that he was feeling better. It helped dampen some of the worry I had been feeling.

“How are things going, otherwise?”

“Well, I got to snuggle some baby goats during group therapy this morning. I kinda want one now.” He sounded unabashed about this revelation.

“Of course you do,” I said in response, shaking my head and chuckling at the thought.

“I gotta new roommate two weeks ago…Gordon is his name. He’s an interesting guy…he uhhh…” he stifled a laugh before continuing. “He said he came here because the wall outlets were talking to him. Like, full conversations. They finally stopped after he got his meds sorted out. Made me feel a little better about my issues.”

I was a little dumbfounded, “Ummm, I’m not sure if I should laugh about that or not…” Dieter snickered, “He jokes about it now, so I think it’s ok.”

It felt good to hear him laughing again. I had missed that sound more than I realized. I really missed his voice in general. He sounded different. Better, lighter almost. It was a sound I wanted to commit to memory.

“Umm…so Gabby said you didn’t take that job offer?” His nervousness had returned with that question.

“No, I turned it down.” I started rubbing at my shoulder with my free hand as I moved to sit down at the kitchen table.

“Why? It sounded like an amazing opportunity”

I sighed, now rubbing at the crease between my brows, “It was, but it’s not where I wanted to be or what I wanted to do. I would’ve had to give up too much and I don’t feel like I’m in the right headspace to do that.”

“I hope it wasn’t because of me…”

“No. I mean, I guess I can’t say no. You’re part of it…but my life is here. I can’t leave Lauren or even Gabby and Alex at this point. We’ve all gotten so close. And like I said, I’m not in the right headspace for that. I would’ve been spending a lotta time alone and I don’t wanna do that right now. It just wasn’t where I felt like I should be. I didn’t feel any kind of excitement over it at all, so I turned it down”

I suddenly felt vulnerable revealing that to him, questioning if I should have. I didn’t want him to worry about me when he needed to be focusing on himself.

“Are you sure you’re doing ok?” He asked quietly.

“Yeah, I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me, I promise. I’m just…I-” I huffed, shaking my head. I wasn’t sure if it was ok to finish that thought. I didn’t want to make any assumptions about how he was feeling or make an ass of myself.

I heard him chuckle quietly over my flustered response, “I miss you too.”

I was instantly calmed by his words, my anxiety about where we stood easing some. I let out a shy laugh at his declaration, tears still running down my face as I sniffled out, “You do?”

“Of course, I do, so fucking much… I - I’m sorry I haven't called you. I wanted to make sure I had a clear head when I did, and then I didn’t really know what to say after everything that happened.”

I heard him inhale sharply before he spoke up again, there was a tapping noise, like he was drumming his fingers against something.

“Listen, I’ve only got a few minutes left before they cut me off for today, but the reason I called…”

He paused, clearing his throat nervously, “Umm, so I wanted to see if you would be willing to come here and do a session with my psychiatrist and me…”

“Of course, when?”

“Whenever you can. Just uhh, call my case worker and she’ll get it scheduled.”

I could hear him shuffle around before he started cursing under his breath.

“Well, I was gonna give you the number but now I can’t find it...Gabby should have it.”

I couldn’t help but to snigger at him. He was still a little bit of a hot mess, which I loved about him.

He followed up with an exasperated “sorry” about not being able to find the number before he let out a quiet laugh at himself. It felt like part of it was his nervousness too.

“I’ll text her to get it as soon as we hang up and I’ll call immediately.”

I could hear him sigh in relief before a beeping noise broke into our conversation with an automated message giving a one minute warning.

“I’ll be there tomorrow if they’ll let me…or at least as soon as they’ll let me,” I said in a rush. Suddenly feeling the pressure of our limited time. I still felt like I had so many things to say to him.

“I would like that. I…I really can’t wait to see you…”

His words trailed off, shaking slightly as he was hit with another wave of emotions.

“I can’t wait to see you either,” I replied with a quivering voice.

After a moment of silence, there was a clicking sound as the line disconnected. I held the phone against my forehead, trying to get my breathing back to normal. Once I was able to focus my thoughts, I sent a quick text to Gabby to let her know that Dieter had called and that I needed the number for his case worker. I half expected her to call me, but thankfully she didn’t. She replied back quickly with the number and that she was happy he finally reached out. She followed that message up with another asking me if I was ok and if I needed to talk about it. I appreciated her offer, but I was good for now and let her know as much. Once I finished texting with Gabby, I dialed the number for the case worker, suddenly feeling nervousness forming in the pit of my stomach.

“Sanctuary Hills, this is Sharon,” the polite, yet comforting voice answered.

“Hi Sharon, this is Natalia Cohen…” She cut in before I could continue.

“Oh, Talia, hi. I’ve been expecting your call. Dieter told me he was going to be calling you.”

I let out a nervous laugh, slightly taken aback by the familiarity in which she said my name. It made me wonder how much he had talked about me.

“I assume you’re calling about an appointment for a family session?”

I didn’t know why, but it stirred something in me when she called it a family session. Technically, I wasn’t his family, but they were treating me as if I were. I could feel the tears prickling at my eyes again as I exhaled out a breathy “yes” in response.

“That’s wonderful news, I know he’ll be overjoyed to see you.” I could hear the smile in her voice

“I can’t wait to see him either,” I replied, still trying to keep the emotions out of my words.

“Alright, let me have a look at the schedule. Dr. Rosenberg did ask that you be prepared to be available for at least a week for additional sessions, if possible.”

“Additional sessions?” I was confused. I couldn’t recall if the same thing had been asked of Gabby, which caused my anxiety to flare.

“Don’t worry, it’s perfectly normal for that to happen. It’s mostly educational sessions for family members if they’re willing to participate.”

“Oh, ok. That doesn’t sound so bad.” I laughed nervously.

“When would you like to come in?” she asked with a calming tone.

“As soon as you can get me in is preferable.” I started tapping on the table as I waited for options, listening to the clicking of a keyboard on her end.

“How about 10 AM the day after tomorrow?”

“I’ll take it,” I said a little too eagerly. The anticipation of seeing Dieter again was starting to get to me.

“I have it scheduled. In case you do end up staying for additional sessions, we have apartments on site for patient families. So, you won’t have to worry about lodging. We don’t want you stressing about that while you’re here.”

“Oh, that’s…nice. Thanks for letting me know.”

“When you arrive for your session, come in the north entrance with the blue awning and they'll get you checked in. It’s a different entrance than where you would have come in before.”

I thanked her and our conversation ended soon after that. Afterwards, I sat staring out the kitchen window, feeling the anxiousness settle into my gut. Not knowing what to expect was always the worst for me. It was like that call had started a countdown, to what, I wasn’t sure. I could only hope the end result would be something positive.

The morning of our session, I had a ridiculously early flight so that I could be there in time. I decided to keep things simple with minimal makeup, a messy bun, sunglasses, sneakers, skinny jeans, and one of Dieter’s button up dress shirts with the sleeves rolled up. I had raided his closet while I was at his house cleaning up. It was something small, but being wrapped in his scent or wearing something that belonged to him brought me some comfort during my time without him. His clothing quickly became a staple in my casual attire.

I was so anxious about seeing Dieter again that the flight didn’t faze me like it normally would have. Though it was an hour and a half, it seemed much quicker as the minutes continued to count down and the distance between us shortened. I could feel myself getting more worked up the closer I got. By the time I acquired the rental car and was on the road to the facility, my chest was heavy. Breathing was getting harder with each mile that passed.

When I pulled into the parking lot, I could feel my heart pounding in my ears. I sat gripping the steering wheel tightly in both hands and taking deep breaths. I wasn’t even sure why I was so nervous, it’s not like I knew what Dieter was planning to talk to me about. However, deep down I had a fear, though most likely irrational, that he was going to realize he didn’t really want to be with me after this. I wasn’t sure if I could handle that a second time if it were to happen. Without permission, the tears started to streak down my cheeks, and I felt like I was going to be sick.

After a few more deep breaths, I slammed my fist down on the stop of the steering wheel out of frustration, “Fucking hell, get it together Talia.”

My head dropped back onto the headrest as I squeezed my eyes shut, still taking deep controlled breaths. After several minutes passed, I let out a slow exhale before opening my eyes. Feeling more relaxed, I did a quick check in the mirror to make sure I didn’t look like a complete mess before exiting the vehicle to go inside.

I was starting to have an out of body feeling as I went through the check in process. I couldn’t really remember walking to the building or anything the lady behind the desk had just said to me as I sat down in the lobby to wait. After a few minutes, one of the receptionists called my name and led me through a secure door down a long hallway. We passed several offices that had glass inserts in the doors with shades. Most of the shades were pulled closed, however, I noticed one was open. As I approached, I glanced inside and was met with a familiar figure sitting in a high backed desk chair in the middle of the room with his head leaned back and eyes closed as he spun back and forth, his legs bouncing ever so often. He was sitting on the opposite side of a desk from a woman who was possibly in her fifties, with graying hair and a kind face. Though, she did have a slightly overwhelmed look about her as her eyes met mine through the glass.

I stopped briefly, watching him wave his hands animatedly as he talked incessantly, never raising his head or opening his eyes. I felt a small smirk sneak across my face. He was nervous too. I could tell. My eyes flicked back to the woman, who was watching me watch him with a soft smile on her face.

My attention was pulled away by the receptionist, who was now at my side waiting for me to continue following her.

“He’s been driving us all crazy this morning. I think poor Sharon is getting the worst of it. He’s beyond excited that you’re here today.”

I chuckled at the thought before continuing down the hallway. I was led into a spacious office. It was modern and white with floor to ceiling windows on one side with nothing in sight but nature. All the furnishings were earth tones of brown and deep reds and oranges. I noticed there were a lot of plants filling the space, which added a homey feeling, in a strange sort of way. It also struck me how there were different seating areas on either side of the room. One had a small couch and cushy chair positioned in front of it, while the other had four cushy chairs sitting closely together in a circle. Each of the seats were adorned with soft looking pillows in various shades matching the space. There was a traditional desk setup in the center of the room with two chairs placed in front of it. Each area felt carefully designed to meet specific needs.

Moments after entering the room, I was greeted by Dr. Rosenberg who first shook my hand, then pulled me in for a loose hug.

“Talia, it’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you the last couple of months.”

It took me by surprise, though I felt like it shouldn’t have. There was a certain familiarity and kindness that everyone seemed to have toward me. Everyone had been very warm and welcoming thus far. It was comforting to know this was the type of environment that Dieter had been in.

I gave her a tight lipped smile as she led me over to sit in one of the four chairs in a circle. To my surprise, the chair spun slightly as I sat in it. Dr. Rosenberg turned hers to face me directly, so I did the same with mine. I had managed to stay composed thus far, but my nervousness was starting to show as I reached up and rubbed at my shoulder. The psychiatrist was silent for a moment as she watched my movements. I stopped, sat up straight and placed both hands on top of my crossed legs to keep from fidgeting.

I’m not sure why, but I felt the need to appear like I had my shit together. I took a minute to study her as she gave me a soft smile while she continued to get settled, grabbing a notepad, file folder, pen, and glasses from the small table next to her seat. She was probably in her early fifties, maybe late forties. Her long blonde hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, and she was dressed in business casual attire. I could tell she wanted to appear professional, but not uninviting. She was also definitely looking at my body language very closely, which was making me feel antsy. My therapist used to do that, and I hated it. I mentally smacked myself over my thoughts. I was already putting up walls and we hadn’t even started talking yet.

“Well, it’s been an exciting morning around here. Dieter is definitely happy you’re here. He was asked to leave his group session this morning because he couldn't focus. He’s been bugging poor Sharon ever since.” She laughed and smiled affectionately at her words.

She was trying to get me to relax. I knew that I looked too tense. I let out a breathy laugh as I sat back further in the seat, trying to appear less uptight, but I didn't think it was working. She gave me a sympathetic look suddenly, “You’re nervous to see him.”

It wasn’t a question. Looking down at my hands, I chuckled to myself briefly before clearing my throat to speak, “Yeah, I guess I am. I just…don’t know what to expect.”

“That’s a perfectly normal feeling. It’s not unusual for family members to worry if their loved one is going to be different after treatment. Is that some of what you’re feeling?”

Her question took me by surprise, “Ummm, maybe. Sort of...maybe not so much about him being different…more about him feeling differently.”

She nodded, “I understand. I can’t say that he won’t be different. His personality may present differently, more calm, less emotional or moody. He will feel differently in that he won’t be cycling from one extreme to the other, emotionally. As far as how he feels ABOUT things, that isn’t going to change just because he’s stabilized. Does that make sense?”

I gave a tight nod, “Yeah, it does.” It didn’t do anything to ease my anxiety though because I still didn’t know how he really felt about us. She eyed me for a second before continuing.

“So, I’ll fill you in on my plan for today. First, you and I are going to chat about Dieter’s diagnosis. Once we’re done, I’m going to bring him in for the session. After that, you and I will have a follow-up meeting to discuss the path forward. Does that sound ok to you?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” I started to chew on my bottom lip while she flipped through the file in her hand.

“Great. Just so you’re aware, Dieter signed release forms for you to have access to his medical and treatment information. Nothing is off the table, so if you have questions, ask. He made it clear to me that he wants you to know everything and wants you involved as much as you want to be.”

I paused briefly, shocked by that information. I exhaled the breath I didn’t realize I was holding, “Ok...I wasn’t expecting that.”

She smiled before continuing, “Alright, let’s get to it then?” She raised her brows at me, asking permission to proceed. I motioned with my hand to continue.

“So, he’s been formally diagnosed with mixed episode Bipolar I Disorder (BD). In simple terms, bipolar disorder is when someone experiences extreme behavioral or mood changes. The extreme highs are called manic episodes, and lows are episodes of depression. Most people with BD go through highs and lows over an extended period of time. Someone with mixed episodes, like Dieter has, tend to experience both highs and lows simultaneously or in a rapid sequence with no recovery time.”

She paused, giving me a minute to digest her words. I couldn’t say I was surprised by the diagnosis, it actually made a lot of his behavior make sense. When I didn’t speak up, she continued.

“I think what happened with Dieter…he was put on a lot of medication. Antidepressants in particular can be very tricky for someone with BD. It can cause an increased risk of mood destabilization when the antidepressants are not taken with a mood stabilizer. He was on pretty much everything but a mood stabilizer. You add that in with not sleeping, not eating, drinking, anxiety, and episode triggers…it’s a recipe for disaster. Sometimes being improperly medicated like that can trigger suicidal ideation and even psychosis. Honestly, he was fighting a losing battle.”

I leaned forward in my seat, placing my elbows on my knees while I rubbed at my face. I felt anger bubbling in my chest.

“Why didn’t his therapists or doctors catch what was happening?”

“One reason…lack of experience. BD is also incredibly hard to diagnose because it shares symptoms with so many other more common disorders like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and ADHD, which is what he was being treated for. That’s not to say he doesn’t have those things as well, but if he does, we need to take a different treatment approach.”

I sighed, shaking my head in disbelief. “Wow, that actually kind of blows my mind.”

“I know… and I’m surprised that no one thought to look into it, given his family history. It can be hereditary, and BD does have a high suicide rate. Given what happened with his mother, it should’ve been considered. Also, the fact that he experienced trauma in dealing with that incident...trauma often causes the onset of symptoms.”

I sighed heavily as the tears started to pool in my eyes, “This actually…kind of pisses me off that he had to go through all of this needlessly. He fucking hated taking that stuff because of the way it made him feel.”

“That brings me to my next topic...It's been hard to get a baseline with him. I feel like a lot of the things he was experiencing were side effects from all the medications he was on. I can’t really rely on his history before he started the medication because he was using recreational and prescription drugs and drinking heavily to self medicate, which could have been making things worse for him during that time as well.” She paused briefly to gauge my reaction, “I assume you knew about his past substance abuse issues?”

“Yeah, he’s mentioned it…What does all that mean?”

“Well, it’s hard to know exactly what his actual symptoms are right now. So, to start, I’m doing the bare minimum. I’ve started him out on a low dose mood stabilizer called divalproex sodium. It’s actually…an anticonvulsant that’s normally used to treat seizures rather than a typical mood stabilizer like lithium.”

I drew my brows down together in confusion, “Why a seizure medication?”

“That medication increases the amount of a chemical called gamma-aminobutyric acid in the brain. It works to block certain transmissions across the nerves in the brain and creates sort of an overall calming effect. That particular medication often works best for patients that have mixed or rapid cycling episodes. Lithium typically doesn’t get the job done in those instances. He seems to be doing well on it so far. We’ll give it a few more months to make sure everything else is out of his system and reevaluate.”

“So, he went from taking half the pharmacy…to one thing?”

“He did. He seems pretty set on limiting the medications as much as possible. He’s been spending a lot of his time doing cognitive behavioral therapy, interpersonal and social rhythm therapy, and psychoeducation to help him manage his symptoms and learn about triggers and that sort of thing. He’s been very invested in it, and it seems to be helping.”

I sighed, starting to feel overwhelmed, “I don’t know what all of that is. I mean, I know cognitive behavioral therapy but…” I shook my head in confusion.

“No worries, if you decide to continue with the family education sessions you’ll learn about that stuff. I know it’s a lot to take in...”

“Yeah, it is, but I’m happy that he’s hopefully on the right track now.” I took a couple of deep breaths to try and relax some as I continued to process things.

“One last thing before I bring Dieter in...I know you two were no longer together before his hospitalization and you haven’t really had a chance to work things out. His preference is to stay with you when he leaves treatment. I do want to be able to manage his expectations if that isn’t going to be the case. I don’t want you to feel like you have to allow that if you aren’t ready to take all this on. I want you to know that you can say no.”

I was taken aback at her directness, but also appreciated it. I actually felt like I was warming up to her some and feeling more comfortable with opening up to her. I didn’t hesitate with my response, if anything, I said it with conviction, looking directly into her eyes as I spoke.

“There’s no question in my mind about him coming home with me so long as he wants to. I’ve known from the start that he was struggling with his mental health, and I promised to support him through it. A new diagnosis doesn’t change anything for me. I’m all in for this.”

Dr. Rosenberg gave me a warm smile, clearly satisfied with my response. “Now I see why he says you can be a force to be reckoned with.”

My eyebrows shot up at her words as she again took me by surprise, “Dieter said that?” I chuckled at the thought as I leaned back in my seat, surprised that was the wording he chose.

“He’s said a lot of things about you, all positive, of course.” She laughed quietly to herself as she set her glasses on the table. As she stood, she announced she was going to go get him for our joint sessions.

After Dr. Rosenberg disappeared out the door, I could feel my anxiety returning. My chest was starting to tighten again as my heart beat a mile a minute. Instinctively, my right hand moved to rub at my shoulder. Was he going to be upset about how easily I gave up on us? I didn’t know how he couldn’t be. It didn’t sound like he was planning to end things for good even though that thought kept crossing my mind. It was clearly my pessimism and self-doubt seeping in. The thought of being completely open and vulnerable in this setting was making things worse too. I wasn’t a fan of having an audience, but I needed to get over that and not build up my walls right now. I propped my arm on the rest of the chair and started to rub at my forehead as my leg began to bounce. I couldn’t make myself stop the fidgeting no matter how hard I tried.

After several minutes passed, Dr. Rosenberg returned with Dieter following behind her. His head was down, clenching and unclenching his hands as he walked. As he approached me, he finally looked my way through his lashes. He gave me a small smile that widened as his eyes dropped down to my shirt, obviously noticing I was wearing one of his. I gave him a shy smile in return. He sat down in the chair directly in front of me as Dr. Rosenberg returned to her earlier spot.

It was clear he was nervous by the way he couldn’t keep his hands still and how the heel of his croc kept bouncing off the tiled floor. He would only occasionally glance in my direction as we waited for Dr. Rosenberg to get settled again. I took the opportunity to study his appearance. He looked so much better compared to the last time I had seen him. His light gray t-shirt was no longer loose looking around his fit torso. His pale skin had been replaced with a golden tan. His hair was longer and as wild as ever, framing his scruffy and patchy beard. His chocolate brown eyes looked clearer than I had ever seen them and were filled with nervousness and anticipation.

Once Dr. Rosenberg was ready to start, she filled Dieter in on what she had discussed with me about his diagnosis. She then encouraged him to take the lead going forward and discuss the things he wanted to speak with me about. He rubbed his hands together nervously, briefly chewing on his bottom lip before he met my gaze to speak.

“So, you’re…ok with that diagnosis?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. I wasn’t sure what he meant and gave him a confused look. “Like, it doesn’t freak you out or anything? I know it’s a lot to deal with.”

“Dieter, the diagnosis doesn’t change anything. You’re still you. Why would it bother me?”

“I dunno, I’m just afraid that at some point you’re gonna realize how big of a mess I am and run away from it all,” he said sheepishly.

I chuckled, leaning forward in the seat with a teasing smile, “I realized how big of a mess you were a long time ago.” He scratched at his chin as a smirk formed on his lips.

“Besides, I’m pretty sure I’ve already seen the worst of it and I’m still here. My feelings for you haven’t changed. You don’t have to worry about that from me.”

His eyes turned glassy at my words as he pinched his brows together, looking downward at his hands in his lap.

“I don’t deserve you, not after the way I treated you…the things I said. I was such an asshole to you.”

I bit at my bottom lip, shaking my head before speaking, “None of that matters to me. I know you weren’t completely yourself when you said those things.”

“No, I wasn’t but I still knew what I was doing and saying. I apparently tend to self-sabotage things. Some of the things I said, using your past against you, I knew it would hurt you. I wanted the words to hurt so you would let me go. I knew you wouldn’t otherwise.”

“Why though? I don’t understand why you felt the need to end things to begin with. Why was I a burden to you?”

His eyes widened at my question, brows shooting upward as he shook his head from side to side, “No, no you weren’t the burden…I was. I’m sorry I made you think that. I know the night I called, I wasn’t making a lot of sense. I…I hadn’t slept in days, and I was such a fucking mess.”

He licked his bottom lip and chewed at it for a second before continuing, “I could see how you were having to completely change everything about your life to accommodate me and my work just for us to be together. I knew it was eventually gonna be a problem and cause you stress because it was affecting your job. I didn’t wanna ruin your life that way. You shouldn’t have to cater your life to mine, it’s not fair. I love you too much to do that to you.”

“Dieter, it wasn’t always gonna be like that. It just happened to be shitty circumstances caused by the remote location. If we hadn't been in the middle of nowhere, I could’ve worked without issue. We just weren’t prepared for the challenges that came up. This is a learning experience for both of us. We’ll know better for next time so I can plan accordingly…and it wasn’t like you weren’t making changes to meet me halfway.”

He couldn’t argue with that. He sighed as he leaned back in his seat, nodding in agreement.

“I know that now, I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly…obviously. It all made sense at the time.” He rolled his eyes, frustrated with his behavior. He took a deep breath before continuing.

“It was more than that though, I knew I was spiraling out of control. I could fucking feel it happening and didn’t know how to make it stop. I didn’t wanna tell you what was going on because I didn’t want you to worry. I knew you would drop everything and fly back to Canada to be with me.”

“You’re damn right I would’ve… and I should’ve done that anyway.” I could feel my emotions catching up to me, my eyes filling with tears as I looked down away from him.

“I fucking knew it…in my gut that something was wrong, and I did nothing. If I had just done it…came up there anyway, this probably would’ve gone differently. I could’ve helped you through it, but no…I was a fucking coward. I gave up because I was selfish and wanted to protect myself. I didn’t even try because I was too afraid that I would end up in a dark place again if you didn’t want me to be there with you.”

The tears were streaking down my cheeks by this point. I couldn’t hold them back anymore. I had so much anger for myself that it was making me feel sick. Dieter stood from his seat, closing the few feet between us, then got down on his knees on the floor in front of me. He moved to grab my hands in my lap, but hesitated. I reached up and grabbed his in response.

“I’m sorry I put you in the position to even have to think that. It should’ve never happened. I should’ve been communicating everything with you instead of pushing you away. This whole fucking mess is my fault…I wanted to reach out so many times after that… to try and fix it, but you seemed like you were doing ok so I didn’t want to upset you again.”

The tears were streaming down his face now as he took a minute to try and compose himself.

“I thought I could move on and just deal with things the way I used to…by numbing the pain. That’s when I started drinking heavily again. Then I saw you at the restaurant, and you looked so fucking amazing…and I was such a dick. I was so angry with myself for that. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I had everything and fucked it up. My behavior after that night was reckless. There are days I can’t even remember because I was drinking so much. I just wanted to not think about it anymore.”

He pulled his hands away, looking down at the floor before wiping at his face. When he raised his head again, the pain in his eyes nearly made my heart stop. I reached out to cup his cheek, but he leaned away, seeming to need space.

“The night that video of you was posted online…several people sent it to me. I didn’t watch it at first because I didn’t think it would mean anything…but when I finally did…”

He put his hand over his mouth, letting out a quiet sob, before continuing.

“I could see how bad you were hurting…how bad I hurt you. What I did to you…I hated myself for it because you didn’t deserve that. It also reminded me of what I was missing out on because of how beautiful you sounded and looked…and that fucking song.”

He paused for a minute, shaking his head. He sniffled and wiped at his face again before continuing.

“I stayed up all night, watching it on a loop on the tv. I almost called you then, but stopped myself. I drank until I had nothing left instead. Then, when I ran into you the next morning, I could see how fucking broken you were. The way you looked at me…it fucking crushed me. I bought more alcohol and went back to the house. I don’t really remember much after that.”

He shook his head for a moment, pausing to take a few deep breaths, wiping at his face again.

“I don’t even remember calling you…and…even after everything I did, you still came to me. You could’ve easily told me to fuck off and I would’ve deserved it, but you didn’t. I know I wouldn’t be here right now if you hadn’t. You saved my life…I feel like you’ve been doing that ever since New York. When I say you’re my light in the darkness, I fucking mean it.”

I started sobbing into my hands. I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I felt his fingers wrap around my wrist, pulling my hands around his neck as he moved to hug me. We sat there in an embrace for some time before I started mumbling into his shoulder.

“I was so afraid you were gonna hate me for giving up on you so easily. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder. Just know that it had nothing to do with you…I clearly still need to work on my own shit.”

He hugged me a little tighter as he buried his fingers in the back of my hair, “That thought never crossed my mind. Don’t even worry about it anymore.”

He finally pulled back, wiping the tears away from my cheeks with his thumbs as he did so. We gave each other tight smiles as we locked eyes. He turned away, toward Dr. Rosenberg, who I had completely forgotten was in the room, and asked for some tissues. She picked up the box from her small table and handed it to him as he stood. He handed me several and took some for himself before handing the box back to her. She motioned for him to have a seat. As she turned to set the box back on the table, I noticed she was looking a little glassy eyed too.

We all sat in silence as her eyes shifted between us. Dieter and I glanced at each other, confusion on our faces as we looked back toward her. She chuckled before she spoke.

“I’m not even sure why I’m here. This is literally the first family session ever where I didn’t have to intervene or lead a conversation. You two don’t seem to have any problems communicating, so I’m not sure how you ended up where you were.”

We both smiled widely at her, surprised and appreciative of her honesty. Dieter spoke up with a chuckle.

“I think between my fucked up brain and the distance…it didn’t do us any favors. We’re always at our best when we’re physically together, I think. Everything goes to hell when we aren’t. Clearly that is something I need to work on.”

Dr. Rosenberg nodded in agreement, “Well, I hate to separate you two again, but we are running short on time, and I want to have a chat with Talia about the plans going forward. Dieter, I’m pretty sure you have another group session coming up so you better head that way. You think you can focus enough for this one?”

She raised an eyebrow in his direction as he laughed and nodded. He stood, quickly shuffling over to lean down and give me a hug before exiting the room.

Dr. Rosenberg wasted no time getting back to business, “Talia, part of his treatment is making sure he has the support he needs when he gets home. That’s why we offer support to caretakers as well, because technically, you will be his caretaker as the only other person in the household with him.”

I knitted my brows together, confused about where this conversation was going.

“I’m not going to pretend that I don’t know you have a traumatic history because Dieter has mentioned a few things. I don’t know the details, and I get the sense he doesn’t know it all either. I feel like whatever happened with your ex-husband is still affecting you. Is the dark place you mentioned something that you would be willing to talk to me about? Anything you tell me about yourself is confidential, just so you know.”

I sighed heavily as I ran both hands over my face, “So you picked up on that, huh?” I laughed nervously under her gaze.

“You’re right, I haven’t told him everything. I keep telling myself I’ve moved past it, but after the last few months, I’ve realized that I just locked it away and pretended it didn’t exist. I tend to do that with a lot of things.” She gave me an encouraging smile, clearly picking up on my hesitation as I paused to gather my thoughts.

“So, the last few years of my marriage, I started drinking heavily after finding no way out of the hell I was living in. The constant mental and psychological abuse was wearing me down, especially after I realized what was happening. When I tried to talk to Justin about a divorce, he would just tell me there was no way out because he wasn’t ready to give me up.” I paused briefly… focusing on something outside through the window. “I uhh, came home early from work one day and found him with another woman that he worked with. He of course said it was my fault, because I wasn’t giving him what he needed in the marriage. I knew what he was doing…and I was determined not to let it go because I felt I had a legitimate reason to end things at that point. I TOLD him I was leaving. I was done asking. When I started packing a bag, he hit me. The first time ever. I mean, he had shoved me around some, but never hit me across the face like that. He told me there was no leaving… that he would just find me and bring me home. Said no one would believe me or help because all of OUR friends knew how I was.”

“Talia, what did saying that out loud just now make you feel?”

My eyes drifted over to meet hers, “I don’t really feel anything.”

She arched a brow, “That’s because you're dissociating. I want you to focus on me as you speak and feel what you’re saying.”

Fuck. She wasn’t going to let me cheat my way through this like my therapist did. I pinched my brows together as my eyes teared up again. I had to face this. I closed my eyes briefly, exhaling slowly. When I opened them and met her gaze, she nodded for me to continue.

“He wasn’t wrong. I didn’t really have anyone to turn to. He made sure of that. He left after our argument, said he was going out with the guys. I doubt that’s where he went though. As soon as he left, I started drinking. I remember…feeling lost and pretty fucking hopeless after that. I couldn’t believe he hit me, and I was scared it would happen again. I never saw myself as someone who lets their husband abuse them…I felt disgusted over it. I must have drank a lot…because I can’t remember the rest of that night. I - I woke up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. I guess when he came home, he found me passed out in my own vomit.”

I started tapping on the arm of the chair as the tightness in my chest returned. The tears trickled out again.

“When Justin finally came to see me, I told him that I was done. If he didn’t let me go, I was gonna find a way out…one way or another and I would make sure everyone knew it was his fault. Given that I had just put myself in the hospital, he took me at my word and agreed on a divorce. I guess he was afraid of what I would do.”

“What did you mean by that?”

I gave a half smile, “I honestly don’t know. I wonder that myself…what I was capable of. If I could’ve done anything.”

“What happened after you both agreed to the divorce?”

“Well, when I was still in the hospital, I reached out to one of my best friends that I grew up with, Lauren. We had kept in touch, even though I actively worked to put up a wall between us so she wouldn’t know what was really going on in my life because I was so embarrassed over it. She didn’t hesitate…she was at the hospital within the hour, and I told her everything. I stayed with her for a few weeks until I got my life sorted out. I don’t think I would have been able to do it without her. Of course, Justin continued to torment me by dragging out the divorce for over a year. It got pretty nasty.”

“What effects do you feel like that experience had on you?” She asked quietly.

“Experience.” I chuckled. “I didn’t realize twelve years of hell could be considered an experience.”

She gave me a sympathetic look before I continued, “I mean, I lost myself. I didn’t know who I was. I was who he wanted me to be. After I left him, he was still in my head with everything I did. What I was wearing, how I fixed my hair and makeup, things I said. I couldn’t do some of the simplest things without hearing his voice telling me I was doing something wrong and having a fucking panic attack over it. I couldn’t make decisions…and yes, I would still drink to numb my feelings and calm myself down. Only this time, I knew exactly how much I could drink without taking it too far.”

“Are those things still an issue for you now?”

I shook my head, “No, I mean, I did all the cognitive behavioral therapy and the sessions. I eventually got to a point where the negative thoughts stopped. I think Dieter had a lot to do with that…he kind of helped me see myself in a different light…but I do still have anxiety sometimes and I think I’ve reverted back to ignoring my feelings… compartmentalizing everything and pretending it’s not there. Throwing myself into work and staying busy to keep my mind occupied. I’ve been doing that instead of drinking the feelings away.”

Dr. Rosenberg leaned forward, placing her elbow on her knee with a pensive look on her face.

“Talia…would you be willing to stay for the next three weeks to work through some of this with me? It would be outpatient treatment…a couple hours a day. You can stay in one of our apartments.”

I sucked in a quick breath. I certainly wasn’t expecting this, but at the same time, I almost felt relieved. My gut told me I needed it and I knew I couldn’t go on the way I had been because I was eventually going to self-destruct if I didn’t take better care of myself. I knew I couldn’t fully be there for Dieter if I was still battling with myself. I sat staring at my hands as I thought through the offer. I could still work remotely, so that wouldn’t be an issue. I raised my head to meet her eyes, “Will Dieter know what I’m doing?”

“Only if you want him to.”

“I don’t want to saddle him with my shit right now…I don’t wanna mess him up.”

“Honestly, I think he’s stable at this point. I think he could handle whatever you wanted to share with him. If you wanted, we could even do some more joint sessions, or he can just be there for support if you want him to be. It’s all up to you really.”

“What would you do?” I asked, letting out a stuttered breath with my question. She took a minute to consider her response, biting on the inside of her cheek as she did so.

“I don’t think it would be bad if you shared everything with him. The more open you are with one another, the better. Communication is going to be a huge factor in keeping your relationship healthy and happy. At least if he knows what’s going on he can support you, just like you support him. Also, if he needs help processing through things, we can help him with that while he’s here…but again, it’s your decision.”

“Yeah, I mean he knows most of it anyway…Alright, I’ll do it. I’ll stay and I want him involved.”

She gave me a bright smile, “I’m actually really happy to hear that. I think this will allow you to build a solid foundation going forward. I’m excited for your future together. I can tell that you both care deeply for each other and I really want your time here to be successful.”

I gave her thanks for the opportunity she was giving me. I’ve known for a while that I had things that I needed to work on but didn't really know where to start. The fact that Dieter seemed so at ease with her and was doing so well gave me some comfort and the courage to jump in head first.

The next three weeks were a whirlwind of educational sessions to help me learn about bipolar disorder; the triggers, coping strategies, and lifestyle changes to minimize stress. I even had an opportunity to learn more about Dieter’s medication and possible interactions and side effects so I would be able to spot them. He had asked that I be involved with his Interpersonal and Social Rhythm therapy, which was designed to help him build a daily routine of healthy habits to manage his moods. Given his job, sometimes a routine was almost impossible for him to keep, but we learned strategies to deal with that when confronted with it. It was all very helpful for the both of us.

I had my sessions too of course. He sometimes set in on them if we were doing something particularly hard that day. His presence helped keep me grounded and got me through a lot. He was taking time to learn about ways to help me cope better and we worked together on effective communication skills.

Dr. Rosenberg recommended that I start keeping a journal to help me work through my emotions. I was iffy about it at first, but Dieter was also doing it and he loved it. He was very encouraging about it. It was something that I had come to enjoy doing after a few days. We had even taken to having a shared journal between us to better communicate our feelings, which Dr. Rosenberg loved the idea of and encouraged.

Even though Dieter and I weren’t able to spend a whole lot of time together during those three weeks, I could always feel his presence and support. It’s what kept me going through it all. I don’t think I would have had the strength to do it without him. By the time my last day of treatment came around, he was given the all clear for discharge. It was both nerve wracking and exciting to know that we would be going home…together.

A/N: How excited are we that these two are finally back together? How badly did this chapter hit the feels? Did you cry? If you did, hopefully this will be the last time...unless you are a happy crier. There may be happy tears later. 😉 How are we feeling about Dieter's diagnosis? Does it change how you view some of his past behavior? What about that revelation from Talia? I mean, are we really surprised though; the girl has had a complicated relationship with alcohol throughout the whole story. How do you think things are going to go when they get back home? Do you think they will pick up where they left off or have some growing pains? We will find out in the next chapter. 😁 I am 100% failing at life and did not get the Deconstructing Dieter Bravo post done. I need to do a little fact checking and didn't have the brain power for it. However, once I get that ready, it will be posted HERE. The topic for Deconstructing Dieter Bravo Part 3 will be his diagnosis. I will tag all the usuals in the posts once it is ready. Hopefully you will find it to be educational. 💜 👉 I do want to share some details on upcoming projects that will be released for the holidays. I am participating in the @pedrostories Secret Santa event. I have received my gift prompt, and you may be excited to know that you will be getting a Dieter Bravo one shot from me by Christmas. I already have some ideas swirling around for it and it's not related to any current fics. It should be fun. Be sure to follow the #pedrostoriesgift23 hashtag to check out all the awesome work that will be included for the event. 👉 I will also be participating in the Pickled Peña event for the new year. I am going to try my hand at writing a little Javi P. for you. Follow @pickled-pena for updates and the hashtag #pickledpeña to see all madness (and I'm sure debauchery) that comes from this fun challenge. I also invite you all to join us! There is still time! It's going to be a blast! If you would like to be tagged on either of these one shots, let me know in the comments. 💜 As usual, I have included the chapter mood board below in case you missed it.😘

Next Chapter

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 4 months

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Am I the asshole for telling my guy friends I'am a lesbian?

I (29 F, cis, probably bi? A bit ace, definitely like women more) came out around 9 years ago and have mostly dated women. I’ve had a few makeouts with guys, and slept with one guy, but I am still on the fence about my sexuality overall. I like referring to myself as a “bi lesbian, because the lesbian flag is prettier”.

A few years ago, I was in game design school, and was the only girl in my class. The guys were nice, but I still felt a bit othered. I also was paying a lot of attention to how I dressed, and was very feminine. Then one day I talked about my girlfriend, and their attitudes shifted. I started shaking hands in the morning instead of cheek kisses (we’re french), wearing jeans and sweaters, and I became “one of the guys”. People generally assumed I was a lesbian and I wouldn’t really correct it unless it came up. A friend of mine even openly came out, saying I gave him the confidence to do so because of how open I was about my sexuality, and it was just a really nice vibe for the remainder of my time there.

Ever since then, I’ve started being vague about my sexuality, just saying “I’m gay” or “I’m queer”, or “I like girls” when asked, when interacting with guys I wanted to be friends with, or, and that’s, I think, the biggest assholery there, guys that I think were likely to develop a crush on me or try their chances, but I wasn’t interested. If I felt like a friend was becoming too chummy, I’d find the opportunity to be like “oh yeah I’m a lesbian”.

This happened with my current group of friends. There’s one guy I get along with super well, and he’s awesome, one of my best friends, but I felt that he was treating me a bit differently and feared he’d develop feelings for me, so I really hammered in the fact that I was “a lesbian”.

Today, he asked to talk to me in private, and he confessed his feelings for me. He said he would regret it if he didn’t say anything, and that he values our friendship a lot and doesn’t want things to change between us, but he needed to get it off his chest. I thanked him, and turned him down gently, being like “obviously I can’t reciprocate because I’m a lesbian…” but also pointing out that there were other factors that influenced it (distance, culture, general outlook on life and certain political issues, religion…) but it was a very fruitful conversation, and we ended up chatting about stuff and reiterating how much our friendship counted for us, and how much we liked spending time together as friends.

I would like to say I feel guilty, but the truth is I don’t… It feels easier for me to say I’m a lesbian, and give me a way out of these conversations. I feel like if I went in depth into my feelings towards my sexuality, I’d give some of my friends false hopes that they might have a chance with me and ruin the vibe of our friend group.

Should I come clean? Or is it ok to try to protect myself in this manner?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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eeldritchblast · 5 months

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Thoughts on Halsin

I want to preface this by saying I don't have anything particularly against Halsin as he is in game. But I do find him lacking in depth, when compared to everyone else.

Even without knowing that he was added as a full companion last minute, I would probably have guessed as much simply because there's not much to him beyond the role he plays in the Shadow-Curse quest of Act 2. This is lampshaded with dialogue about how he himself feels consumed by his determination to end the curse. But to me, that just feels like a cop-out. Imagine any other character looking at the camera and just saying "yeah I know I don't have much character beyond what happens to me in the plot, too bad?"

But I think the worst crime about his lack of development, is the fact that because he doesn't have a lot else going on, he feels a little overly sexualized to me; like he's just there for the player to thirst after because he's this big, bulky man. Now, to be clear, I don't care that he's horny, and I definitely don't care that he's poly. (My GF is a poly lesbian, and honestly I could see myself having more than one romantic relationship , too, if someone else was ever interested in me like that and cool with it.) What I'm trying to say is, because he's lacking in other areas, leaving those traits being of his few you can list, it makes them feel of less value, and makes him feel more like a sex prop. And if you're gonna have a character with rape victim as part of his background like Halsin has, then that's the last thing you want, I think.

So, what more could be done with Halsin?

I once made a joke that someone should draw Halsin in a "Big Auntie Energy" shirt. For those of you who aren't Native, let me try to translate: In most if not all Indigenous Nations, we often call women who are champions of our cultures and communities "Auntie", whether they are actually literally your aunt or not. An Auntie is someone you dearly love, and trust to guide you. Halsin already plays something of a mentor figure to the protagonist—indeed, dev notes even call him "avuncular"—so why not lean into it further by showing what he does for others, too? Pretending that there was more development time allotted, here's what I would've liked to see...

"This place crawls with life, but little of it flourishes. I see refugees, unhoused. The destitute, unwanted. Orphans, unloved. … I wish there was a better way. I wish everyone could see the sun, have a full belly, and know nature as a friend. There is a balance that is yet to be found." —Halsin

After ending the Shadow-Curse, Halsin says he needs to find a new purpose. I feel like his purpose could easily align with his horror of the inequalities of Baldur's Gate. Instead of just talking about how awful it is, why not allow the player to challenge him to try and change things, then? For example, I like to imagine Halsin telling stories to the orphans in Rivington, providing them comfort and someone to look up to. Or another example: Halsin helping out in or maybe starting some kind of charity meal program. It's small, but it's enough to say that he could actually grow a little as a person within the game's story. And it would add at least a little bit of engagement on the player's end as well, instead of feeling like the relationship with Halsin, platonically, is one-sided.

This all doesn't come from nowhere, by the way. If you exclusively romance Halsin, he says goodbye to the player in the end because he is leading a group of people into Thaniel's realm to start a new life. But personally, I feel like this is too great a leap back into an Archdruid role he specifically rejected, because he didn't like it. It also would've been nice to get this kind of dialogue without having to romance him; to know what lies ahead for Halsin as a friend, too.

Now, that's the good ending. But almost all the companions in BG3 have a "good" and "evil" ending. I feel like this really adds a lot of insight into the characters, because they feel real through it; we all have the potential to make good and bad choices, after all. So what could be Halsin's evil-aligned ending? Well, remember when he questions if the Shadow Druids actually have a point? How about giving the player the opportunity to push him further down that path instead... Shadow Druid Halsin, holy shit.

Now, there's one more thing I want to circle back to: Halsin's past. He very casually speaks of his time as a captive in the Underdark. And maybe it was so long ago that he's long dealt with such trauma, but still, I really wish there was a way to say "hey bud, that's really fucked up and I'm sorry that happened to you." But there's not a single dialogue option that allows you to express sympathy, besides just saying "that's awful", which doesn't cut it. Halsin himself says, "sometimes I think people look at me and imagine my feelings can't be hurt." Not allowing the player to be sensitive to his feelings goes exactly against this message not to judge a person's emotions by physical appearances.

Anyway, Halsin is a character that I think has a lot of potential, but doesn't quite reach it in game. I think it's great that he was given a bigger role due to popularity, but I just wish that role was expanded on to the same degree as the other companions.

#halsin #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #meta #rape tw

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essycogany · 1 month

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Hot Take! Nine’s Redemption Arc Was Rushed

I’m usually positive on this blog, but I believe it’s important to have a balance. This’ll be my longest post yet, so buckle your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

Quick Positive Points

I like the idea of an antagonistic Tails. Nine’s amazingly voiced by a VA I recognize. His design is awesome. His attitude and sarcasm can be entertaining. Nine saving Sonic’s skin when dealing with the Chaos Council was nice. The scene with Nine and Mr.Doctor Eggman talking about Sonic is one of my favorite moments. The thought of creating robots who look like the other characters as if Nine still wanted friends was neat. (even if he tried to kill with them) And despite my grievances, I thought Nine’s hug with Sonic at the end was adorable. The animation is what helped with that.

Introduction

While I do like Nine, I’m going to talk about my glaring issues with his character development. I can see both sides of the argument, but let me tell you why there’s more proof of Nine not being well written. I will implore you to think for yourselves regardless of what I have to say. We all have our opinions and I’m only here to share mine.

Nine’s Characterization

This is how the fox carry himself throughout the show and why most of it isn’t written well. I’ll state my issues with Sonic in certain moments too.

Season One

Nine’s reasonably defensive at first when Sonic came to his home out of nowhere. He became annoyed by Sonic’s immaturity yet concerned for him once they’re captured. After they meet the Rebels, his sassiness begins to show. Replying “You’re welcome,” after saving Sonic by taking control of Rusty. Having a direct and harsh tone when advising others to take the Chaos Council’s shard. And not seeming to care about the rest of the group who gets trapped with Mr. Doctor Eggman.

Nine: “Sonic we have to get to the core!” “You heard her come on!” This I understand because Nine doesn’t know them, so they don’t really matter to him. But then Nine dismisses Sonic’s feelings even after he asked “are you okay?” Because he noticed the hedgehog was a little off.

-Because Sonic started remembering the events that happened to him before he broke the Paradox Prism.

After Sonic realized the prism shattering was his fault Nine says, “Snap back to reality! Grab that shard and we’ll sort the rest out later!” Then when Sonic stated the original Tails told him not to touch it Nine states, “Well, I’m telling you the opposite! Now grab it and let’s go!” Not realizing if Sonic is the reason for the prism being small, his original variant might’ve known touching it was a bad idea. I also can’t forget about these lines.

Sonic: “If there’s anyone who’s got the brains to put it all back together, it’s you.” Nine: “That’s the first thing you’ve said that I agree with.” Nice ego for a person who ends up getting Sonic sucked up by the prism after being warned. Back to what I was saying before, Nine seems to only care about stealing the shard away from the Eggmen here. Which is proven later on in season one. His care for Sonic has progressed, but Sonic learns from the Rebels that Nine abandoned them. And it’s never addressed by Sonic.

-Sonic also insist Nine’s “not a traitor” without any proof. Sonic hasn’t known Nine that long. The last time Sonic saw the fox, he ended up getting the hedgehog sucked into another shatterspace. Unless Sonic’s talking about Nine working with the group. But I’d argue it was more for Sonic and his own sake. Especially since Nine left the Rebels and Rusty at the drop of a hat.

When Nine comes to help Sonic, he shows off the Grim and discuss how it’s “Their bright new future.” Wanting to live in the Grim with Sonic. Even after the last time he saw Sonic, Nine knew how distraught Sonic felt about losing his home. Again, Sonic stated he believed Nine could put the prism back together. Meaning his original friends and world would come back. But Nine immediately assumes Sonic would be happy living with him for the rest of his life. Which is sweet on paper but very messed up in execution. I’ll get into why later. To be fair, Nine’s never had a friend before and was bullied for most of his life. His social skills aren’t the best and he isn’t use to caring about others. But even if Nine didn’t understand empathy, he has no reason to believe Sonic would forget about his home just because Nine didn’t care about his.

Nine: “That city hasn’t brought me anything but misery. I owe it nothing.” He hasn’t been around Sonic for long either, but Sonic’s demonstrated his loyalty before. By worrying about the Rebels instead of the shard while Nine did vise versa. Anyways, Sonic explains he needs to save the Rebels. Nine being Nine didn’t care about them, but came to help anyways because he “cared about Sonic.” I’d say Nine only helped because he thought Sonic would join him after getting the other shards, but that’s my opinion.

Nine: “With enough fortifications and enough shard energy, this could be home.” Because of this line, I believe he already knew about the other shards before Sonic. Which is also why he knew what Sonic was doing in season two. He also says, “When this is over, I’m going home and never looking back. Whether I go it alone is entirely up to you.” Still assuming things.

-Sonic doesn’t give Nine an answer for some reason. Only responding with “I knew you’d come back, buddy.” Projecting how he’d expect Tails to act. Which becomes a serious problem later.

Season Two

Throughout this season, Nine helped Sonic collect the shards. Which was a bonus to keep developing the Grim.

-Sonic and the Rebels have another debate on trusting Nine. At least this time when Sonic says “He saved you,” it’s true. Nine took down the Doctors before Sonic and co got killed. I’d still argue it was for Sonic, but Nine still saved their lives despite his intentions.

I’ll also admit when Mr.Doc used Nine, it was reasonable for him to feel as if he had no choice. He even apologizes to Sonic. We even learn how Nine first fount the Grim and see him make a hammock for Sonic. But the positives goes down hill once we get into the shard chase between Nine, Sonic, and the villains. Once away from the Docs Sonic stated, “Oh, things are finally coming together. We’ve got the shards! We can finally fix everything!” He’s still obviously talking about Green Hill and his friends. But Nine doesn’t notice this. Instead he says, “It’s going to be perfect.” Very specific you two. Nine seems to suddenly believe Sonic changed his mind and Sonic still thinks Nine and Tails are one and the same.

Dude even calls the fox “Tails Nine,” while introducing him to another character. What are the odds? Later on Nine says, “If you like surprises, wait until you see what I’ve got going on in the Grim.” Sonic responds with, “Grim? Cool. Can’t wait to here more. But right now, we’ve gotta get to Ghost Hill.” Talking as if if the Grim was an afterthought. Then the two talk about bringing the prism back together without knowing what the other’s thoughts were behind it.

Even if they didn’t have time to discuss things, I think they should’ve explained something to each other during the chase or before Sonic left to help the Rebels in S1. That way the unfortunate occurrence could’ve been avoided later on, but we’ll cross that bridge soon enough. Anyways, after the goose chase, they meet up with Shadow, who reasonably doesn’t trust Nine.

-The Blue blur defended the fox again with his projecting his friends onto strangers self. It’s also weird how often this dude doesn’t listen to anyone while also wondering why no one won’t listen to him.

After Nine put one of the shards back together and it brought everything back for a split second. Sonic: “Reality was flipping out over here.” “Green Hill was back and so were my friends.” Which must’ve went in and out of Nine’s ears because this show has no time for the characters to communicate properly. Instead of listening, Nine interrupts the hedgehog and shenanigans ensues.

After said shenanigans, another argument scene happens. Except somehow, it’s worsts then the last. I’ll criticize both characters. I want to address the “Sonic projecting” discussion first. I know people think Sonic’s wrong for doing it (he is) but I believe he’s doing it as a coping mechanism. Since his friends are replaced by ghost who repeat themselves and a bunch strangers who look like them, he might not be able to help it. I give him a bit of slack because we all know what he’s been through. Prime!Sonic is also a very sincere version of Sonic who instantly feels guilt. Even if he doesn’t completely understand what he did wrong.

For example, in the first episode, Tails didn’t tell Sonic why he was upset with him. He just said, “It’s cool really.” Tails brushes things off instead of discussing them. I can see where Sonic is coming from. What I won’t excuse is Sonic having a terrible amount of trust in Nine. I’ll discuss this in S3’s issues. And the rest I’ll summon up to Sonic never addressing problems which might’ve needed to be addressed. Like Green Hill almost coming back and other stuff I’ve already mentioned. Onto the fox. This argument might be a great time for Nine to explain what his plans are instead of saying, “We’re not making your old world. We’re building a better one.” Implying Sonic’s original world is inferior and he should deal with it being gone.

When Sonic says, “I think we can get it back.” Nine responds with, “You’re wrong about that.” Despite Sonic in the same episode said minutes before, “Green Hill was back and so were my friends.” Did the fox forget? Is he lying? Or does he not care? I’ll go with the writers forgetting about this line since it never gets mentioned again. Which seems to be a trope in this show. I understand Sonic’s done plenty of wrong when it comes to Nine as well, but I don’t see how Sonic wanting to fix the problem he made in the first place as selfish. Especially since Sonic’s not the only one who wants Green Hill back. Shadow’s dealing with the consequences too.

The “what’ll happen to me when you bring your friends back,” issue is never explored. There’s no confirmation on what happens, so this comment basically means nothing. Also, Sonic living with Nine forever is messed up. It implies Sonic and Shadow never going home. And their friends would stay ghost forever. Dead to be specific. Not to mention Nine’s home would be a copy of what Sonic use to have. You’re telling me Sonic The Hedgehog would allow his freedom to end because of a self centered fox who wouldn’t care if he wanted to go home? I could continue, but I’ll stop here. In the end, Sonic and Nine were both wrong. You could argue Sonic never said “no” to staying with Nine, but Sonic saying in S1,”It’s not going anywhere,” was all Nine needed to hear. Sonic thinking Nine would love Tails and discussing Green Hill was prominent when talking to Nine before getting to Ghost Hill too. Dude was completely set on getting home and he wasn’t subtle about it.

To be fair again, Nine hasn’t been in enough good relationships to know who to trust Then finds someone he thinks he can trust. Then gets treated like a reflection of someone else instead of a different person entirely. This goes to show I actually don’t hate the idea of the miscommunication. I only feel the show doesn’t give them enough time to breathe and only focuses on rushing the plot. Therefore having contradictions and forced conflicts.

Season 3

Nine’s first statement in this season is, “This could’ve been everything he ever wanted.” I wish Sonic had a moment to explain why creating a new world is a nice but bad idea. That way Nine could get a better understanding of how close Sonic is to his home and friends. Giving it a sense of importance.He could choose to stay selfish or to be reasonable.Nine tries to capture Sonic in order to get his shard energy throughout S3. In the next scene Shadow says, “So, it was all about power?” (Shadow is the MVP of this entire show) Then Sonic defends Nine for the millionth time.

Sonic: “No, that’s not…” Nine: “Exactly!” Wonderful.

Moving on. Sonic tries to reason with Nine again. Nine: “You were only using me to get what you wanted.” Sonic: “That’s not true.” The hedgehog doesn’t elaborate before or after this conversation. I love how the two barely have a coherent conversation. It’s honestly my favorite thing in the world.

-Sonic tells Shadow if reasoning with Nine doesn’t work, he’ll be “their’s.” Probably implying they’ll have to hurt or kill Nine if necessary. Then Sonic never fallows through with it and doesn’t actually fight Nine. Sonic only uses his shield powers or tries to convince others not to hurt the fox.

After that Nine tries to attack both hedgehogs with a robot copy of Sonic and states, “This time, you’re on your own.” Shadow: “He’s not on his own” Nine: “We’re all on our own.” Describing his perception on loyalty is a detail I actually like.

Later in the season Nine tries to disrupt the bystanders worlds to get Sonic, so they disrupt their agreement. Nine attempts to kill them again and wonders why they wanted to protect Sonic. Almost as if Sonic has been helping them since the fox met him or something.

After constant fighting and begging on Sonic’s part, he tells Nine to, “LOOK OUTSIDE!” And that’s when Nine at last sees the shatterverse breaking and realizes what he’s done. All of this mess lasted 7 episodes by the way. The big fight took up 6 of them. Nine knew beforehand the shatterverse was ending and it didn’t phase him as long as his world was safe. Now he suddenly he feels guilty?

Sonic apologizes because he didn’t listen to what Nine wanted. Or appreciate what he was trying to do. This is Sonic’s words not mine. Nine doesn’t apologize for trying to kill everyone, but to Sonic instead. Sonic asked everyone to leave Nine alone. And asked Nine to not cause anymore trouble. Knucks: “How can we trust him?” Nine: “You can trust me.” Outstanding dialogue. Plot needs to occur, so we’ll skip the part where Nine and everyone else gains trust in a none forced way. Great.

Nine finally helps Sonic even if those problems could’ve been avoided a few episodes earlier and say their goodbyes. The End.

I hate how Sonic had to apologize to Nine about wanting to go home. It’s absolutely unfair. Then Nine doesn’t apologize to everyone else for the havoc he’s caused. What I believe Sonic should’ve apologized for was treating Nine like Tails, but it never gets brought up. But my biggest issue is the only way Sonic called out Nine on his actions was by saying, “This isn’t you!” “Don’t do this!” “ “I care about all of this. You, the shatterverse, and everyone inside of it. I know you do to.” The last bit being a huge lie.

I don’t make these kind of comparisons often, but Game!Sonic would have everything nipped in the bud. I’d assume by telling Nine, “What you’re doing is wrong. This is why it’s wrong. If you don’t quit, I’ll do everything in my power to make you quit.” He’d understand Nine needed to be stoped and act accordingly. I’d assume everyone would have to make him surrender and he’d be force to fix everything. No, it doesn’t reform him, but I wouldn’t have minded if he didn’t get reformed because sometimes you can’t change people. This might not have been the perfect solution, but I tried. Yes, Nine is a child who was treated terribly, but it shouldn’t excuse his actions.

What’s hilarious is during his last talk with Sonic, he unreasonably guilts the hedgehog and called him selfish. Saying Sonic didn’t save everyone because he actually cared about them. But because Sonic feels guilty about breaking everything from the start. Except Sonic actually admits to messing up which was shown in the third episode of Prime. And took the time to right his wrongs. It’s the most hypocritical and short sided statement in the entire show. And if that wasn’t enough, Nine gets upset when everyone came to attack him. It admittedly was a dumb idea, but Nine made himself the enemy. He didn’t give the gang a reason to trust him before or after his deal with Sonic. Yes, including the end of the show. It made no sense.

Why Nine’s Reformation Was Rushed

First of all, I’m not saying I don’t like Nine because of his negative traits. That’s the main reason he exists. He’s a antagonistic or I’d even say evil version of Tails. Nine is suppose to be distant, selfish, and such. I simply don’t believe after all he’s done and how his character was established that he suddenly changed into a good guy.

Nine’s focus was on his own pain. As he ignored everyone else’s. Including the one person who saved his life on multiple occasions and who (even if it’s wrong) still tried to stick up for him. Giving off the, “I suffered so everyone else should suffer,” mentality. Then blames Sonic by saying he, “put him into this position.” As if Nine didn’t already make terrible choices before going evil. Sure, the shards could’ve been corrupting him, but it’s never explored and can only be assumed. Which are too different things.

These are obvious toxic/red flag behavior and it never gets properly called out. Things are only fixed because the plot demanded it. Not because there was a natural progression. The only thing that progressed was Nine’s uncaring attitude until it magically fixed itself…at the last minute. And I hate that for him because he deserved better. Sonic deserved better. All of the Sonic Prime characters deserved better. But they all fell into the pit of unsatisfying conclusions.

Side Note: What also bothers me is how Sonic is almost the only character Nine interacts with. No wonder he doesn’t care about anyone else. Nine barely talks to anyone. Like Shadow, the blue blur is the main center of Nine’s attention. At least most of the other characters don’t have the same problem, but it’s still ridiculous.

How The Show Is Flawed In General

I have more glaring issues with this show. Sonic Prime’s plot almost never stops to breathe. The repetition is unreal. None of the characters (especially the OGs) get enough attention. Some things are both over and under explained simultaneously. There’s reused animations.

Reused conversations and dialogue are especially prevalent. “This isn’t you, Nine!” “It’s over, Nine.” “Gotta go fast!” “Game over.” “We’re gonna end/fix this together.” “We’re friends.” “Me Beauty.” “We have to take the fight to them.” “You’re even dumber then you look.”

This isn’t half of the repeated lines unfortunately. Some of them aren’t only said by Sonic either. It’s almost as if they ran out of dialogue. I am only scratching the surface of problems, but I won’t go any further. At this point “the show’s writing” is the main issue of Nine’s arc. It’s also why other parts of Prime feels rushed.

Conclusion

Yeah, I have a love hate relationship with this show. It’s seriously hard to watch sometimes. I know this has been a bummer, but here’s what Sonic Prime does right. I adore Sonic Prime in terms of how it looks and sounds. With the outstanding animation, voice acting, music, editing, and sound design. I’ll even say it’s one of the best looking 3D animated kids TV shows I’ve seen. There’s so much attention to detail and quality of the character facial expressions and movements. Furthermore, when the lighting is really good, it looks near movie levels of quality. Not to mention great writing still exists. All in all, Sonic Prime may not be the best written Sonic show, but it does have the most polished animation. Even with its plethora of flaws and lost potential, I’m glad Prime exists to prove 3D TV shows can look fantastic when given enough care.

Stay Creative! 💜

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