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xiaosonlybeloved · 25 days

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Our Love is Six Feet Under- Nakahara Chuuya

featuring: Nakahara Chuuya (bsd), gn!reader (no pronouns mentioned) warnings:- angst throughout, major character death, major light novel (stormbringer) spoilers!! a/n:- my, my, this idea has actually been rotting in my brain for over a month and its my longest fic till date. i loved writing it i hope u guys like it too <33 heavily inspired by 'six feet under' by billie eilish

wc: 3k || masterlists

You feel like you’ve been through worse than hell and back when you drag your eyes open. It doesn’t take you long to assess your situation and remember what had happened to you in the first place to get you attached to a hospital bed with various machines around you.

You promptly wish you’d rather have died instead, or never woken up. Not having had to deal with the pain that stabbed your heart like a thousand serrated, unforgiving knives would be a million times better than being alive. It would have been so much better than being the only survivor.

Technically, you should feel no personal guilt over the Flags’ deaths. Its not like you had been hired to protect them, and what you had been paid to specifically do is the only thing that matters when you’re an assassin. Especially when the Port Mafia is the one who outsourced you. The blame of their deaths could, in no way, be pinned upon you.

Having feelings is what gets someone killed in the world you live in, a dark world in the deepest shadows of the city. Having an ability is no reason to be confident of yourself, not when the country is littered with ability users everywhere. And yet having an ability as unique as yours is how you managed to save yourself from the certain death brought upon you all by the King of Assassins.

It was supposed to be another normal day, right? You were off-duty, so you were hanging out with the Flags at the usual place, who you had become ‘acquainted’ with over the past few months of working together, Mori’s orders. If you could dare to curse yourself and them by calling you guys friends, you would. One of them, possibly the one you were closest with, had left for some mission with a foreign investigator, long story. So you were chilling out with the others, playing billiards and all that stuff.

If someone had told you that would be your last memory together, you would have atleast clicked a picture for keepsakes. Or you’d have cherished the moment more, rather than treating it so casually. After all, you never know the value of what you’ve lost until you’ve lost it.

In the present, you shut out your emotions- they’re too much of a storm for you to be able to deal with. The grief at their deaths, the horror at the memory of the sight, the overwhelming grief- you needed a break. You slipped back into unconsciousness, a weight lying heavy on your chest that would surely never leave you until you die.

********

The funeral seems much too loud and way too quiet at the same time, or perhaps thats just your thoughts. You’re silent in the shadows, yet again, watching the processions and the choir wordlessly. You don’t speak anything. You don’t think you have the right to.

You haven’t dared to talk to Chuuya, or even approach him. He was the only member of the Flags who was not present when Verlaine struck, and thus the only one alive. He was incredibly close to them, you know, because you yourself were close to them, to him. Barely anyone had spoken a word to him, not even the boss. His aura was such that if you even dared to approach him, you’d probably either have your lungs squashed by gravity, or his own carefully crafted facade would break down.

If, as someone who wasn’t even part of the Port Mafia or the Flags, you had been affected so badly, how was Chuuya coping? Was he? Yet, out of habit, you can’t help but keep an eye out for him. Silently, selfishly even, perhaps you’re hoping he can find it in himself to forgive you.

The foreign investigator has shown up again, looking much too cheerful for someone entering a funeral, and goes straight to Chuuya. You can feel that he’s pissed off, but a few words from Mori, and Chuuya stands up in a forced manner, going to leave with the detective.

You manage to meet his gaze finally, but you don’t think you’d ever be prepared for it. His eyes bored straight into yours, eyes that had once looked at you with mirth and laughter, and dare you say it, love, eyes that were always an open gateway to his emotions. They held nothing but silent accusations, hidden anger, all pointing their sharp ends towards you. Not a single friendly feeling.

Not a word is exchanged as he walks right past you, but there’s no need to. You’ve gotten the silent message he’s sending you crystal clear- he will never forgive you for this.

You think you deserve it fully, you understand. Even now. How twisted, really, but you got it. When he lost the Flags, he lost a part of himself too, but he still remembered you. And remembering you was a constant reminder of them, of your failure to save them, of the pain that came with.

Though it hurt you, you knew that distancing yourself from him was the best thing to do. If you pursued him again, there was no telling what he might end up doing, but it certainly wouldn’t end well. Chuuya likely knew this too, and he clearly didn’t want you to come back. So you wouldn’t. This funeral would be the last time you associated with the Port Mafia, and thus Chuuya, even if it hurt you to do so. But again, considering feelings is what gets you killed in this world, and you’d rather not die so soon, although you actually don’t mind.

And well, what did it matter if somewhere, sometime, Chuuya secretly wished you’d ask him to return?

********

Visiting their graves has become a monthly thing to you, due to your inability to let the past stay in the past. Perhaps its your own, guilty way of attempting to make amends, perhaps its your way of keeping their memory engraved in your mind, perhaps its to ensure that they aren’t forgotten, even if you know well they will never be. Deep inside, its a way for you to mourn the dead, as well as the loss of the living.

You bring flowers every time, stay a while, occasionally leave something for them. Sometimes, you talk to them, sometimes you apologise over and over again, sometimes you stay silent, letting your thoughts still for a while. If nothing else, you just stared at the small rose plants that were growing there, one behind each of the five graves. It always amazed you, that such a delicate flower could grow in such a barren place. It sure seemed like they’d be blooming soon, and whenever you visited, you always made sure to check on them.

Time passes, but the wounds do not heal from inside, they just scab over, concealing the pain at first glance. You’ve gotten better at hiding it, yes, but that does not make it any better. You’ve become stronger, risen in rank as an assassin, honed your skills further. You’ve become reputed for carrying out your tasks in a swiftly lethal, unclouded way that left no traces. Almost a year has already gone by since the incident, and you still havent forgiven yourself. Nor has Chuuya.

That’s why, on their death anniversary, when you feel his cold gaze on you for the first time in a whole year when you were at their graves, you don’t hesitate to get up and start to leave. It’s best for him to not see you again. You’ve cut off all contact with the Port Mafia, except for when you occasionally got hired by them, and even then you finished it quickly, wasting no time. Interacting with no one.

So that’s why it surprises you, when he holds up a hand, walking past you to lay the flowers on their graves. “You can stay.” He speaks emotionlessly, not looking at you. He sounds older, more mature, which was to be expected, you supposed. You remain standing where you are for a few moments, not facing him as he walks over and sits behind one of the graves. “As long as you aren’t doing anything wrong, of course.” He adds. At that, you sit in front of the grave he’s leaning against, replying quietly with a “No, I was merely paying my respects.”

It was anyways evening when you came, soon, the moon starts its ascent through the sky, as silence settles between the two of you. Not a word is exchanged between the two of you as you sit on opposite sides of the same grave, in each other’s company. The only people who could truly understand each other’s pain and suffering.

You settle for silently staring at the roses. Small buds have formed, but they don’t look well- its as if the whole plant is starting to wilt, little by little. They haven’t flowered even once yet,and you wondered if those roses would bloom before the plant died. Could they? After all, the weather was changing- it was raining more often these days. Maybe they couldn’t take it. Even now, a light drizzle had started as you sat, but it took you some time to realise, because you didn’t feel the rain at all, only noticing the faint red hue around. You didn’t mention it, nor did Chuuya.

Perhaps, whatever once could have been between you and the guy opposite you was symbolised by those roses- it could have bloomed, if given the chance, but life abandoned it, left it to wilt in the aftermath of the storm. Any possible chances for you two were like the beloved ones who had left you now- six feet under the ground, dead, marked by a grave. This was merely the hand that fate dealt you, you had no choice but to accept it

********

“I can’t see the moon tonight.”. You murmur, almost to yourself, as you remain seated against the graves. It had been years, and even till now, neither of you had stopped coming to the grave to pay your respects, you arriving first every time and waiting for him. Your own visits weren’t monthly anymore due to life, more sporadic, but you still did visit from time to time, and you know Chuuya did too. And every year, on the fateful day that the incident happened, both of you never failed to show up, at the same time. Sometimes you exchanged a few words of greeting, a line or two about life. Other times you sat in silence till the moon’s glow started to dim, leaving as noiselessly as you came. Over time, this became your and Chuuya’s last remaining shared tradition out of all those that used to exist, your last link to each other. Seems like none of you was truly able to stay away from the other after all, huh?

“Say, Chuuya, next year, can you check for me whether the moon is visible or not? I feel like there really is something different about it on this day.” You ask him. He curtly replies, “Yeah no, you can do it yourself when you come back here. There’s no big deal about it anyways.” There’s no real bite in his words though, but it still saddens you. You wave it aside though, as you stare at the rose plants, like you always do.

Over the years, those roses have wilted, died, and new plants have grown in their place. Not a single one of them ever bloomed though. You want to ask Chuuya to check on those plants next year too, but you don’t.

Tired from your day at work- it was more hectic and dangerous than usual- you lean against Chuuya’s shoulder. He remains motionless- he doesn’t push you away, but he certainly doesn’t pull you closer either. This is another thing you developed over the years- if either of you felt like you needed a shoulder on that day, the other would offer it. And you wanted to do it one last time.

Eventually, you two get up and brush yourselves off, preparing to part ways. You can’t help but let your gaze linger on Chuuya’s for a second more than usual as you open up your umbrella- it always does rain on this day, but today it seemed a bit gentler yet stronger- as if the skies were quietly lamenting over what was to come.

Right before he left, he quietly spoke, the whisper floating between you. “Don’t think everything’s alright between us, because it isn’t.” He always does say something like this before he leaves every time, and again, there’s no real bite or meaning behind those words, just a formality he wishes to continue.

You let a sad smile rest on your face as you gazed at him, before responding, “Don’t worry, I know.”

“Take care, Chuuya.”

As you started walking off alone, feeling Chuuya’s eyes still on you, ensuring your safety like the gentleman he was, you wondered if you had truly tied all the remaining loose ends of your thread of life, or did you still have regrets? It was very likely- no one could say they died without any regrets at all. And besides, no one’s end was written in stone, unless they carved it themselves. Sometimes, you couldn’t help but wonder if it was ever all too much for you.

The next morning, you call your boss to let him know that you’re ready to take on the mission. It was an important one, involving both a long period of infiltration for gathering valuable intel, and then the assassination of the target at the end. It was a high-risk mission too, but you were used to those, weren’t you?

Why would this mission be any different?

*********

Another year rolled past. This year, Chuuya hadn’t been able to visit the graves at all after the first two-three months because he had been sent overseas for a long-term mission. During the months he’d been in Yokohama, he hadn’t caught a glimpse of you- of course he hadn’t, he made sure to avoid the days you came, preferring to merely see the traces of yourself you left and leaving his own. After that he only got the chance to return there on their next death anniversary, and even for that he had to fight tooth and nail. He was a man of actions, and he would never be the one to break the tradition.

But he’d never imagined that you would break it either. You too were a person who valued actions, or had you changed over the years?

His sharp eyes scanned the graves cautiously, but there was not a single trace of you. The only life around were the rose plants, not a soul in sight.

Rage, resentment and hints of sorrow bubbled up in him, taking him by storm as he strode over and angrily sat down by one of the graves. He was silent the entire night, letting his rush of emotions subside, staring at the gates as if he was expecting you to suddenly pop out. He stared at the moon, and at the roses. Did you not notice that they were about to bloom when you last visited? Because they were in full bloom that night, for the first time in years, delicate, fragrant petals shining in the moonlight. The moon, too, looked beautiful that night, a full moon surrounded by clouds. It was raining, heavier than usual, but the moon was never hidden. A memory entered his mind- last year, you had asked him to check whether the moon was visible this year.

“Well, it’s visible, and it sure is beautiful, but you didn’t even show up. Why?” He bitterly spoke out loud.

In the soft blowing wind that accompanied the rain, a stray lone rose petal lying on the ground gently floated in air, appearing as ethereal as smoke. He rose up to leave- you clearly weren’t showing up- eyes following the petal as it blew about, landing on a grave not of the Flags, but right beside, almost as if the deceased had specifically asked it to be there. It seemed relatively new too, for he hadn’t seen it the last time he’d been here. He walked over to it, to read what was written on the gravestone.

A moment passed, then another. And another. And Chuuya doesn’t know how long he spent there, kneeling in front of it. He was slowly getting drenched, because his ability had deactivated itself at some point of the night, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was the neatly written words staring back at him, taunting him.

At some point, he understood why he was alone that night. Why you weren’t there to give him company, solace that night. It was because you couldn’t, and so you’d left whatever remained of yourself there, beside him, beside them, eternally. He just hadn’t known.

He could barely breathe, he wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to, because his chest felt so heavy then. Eventually, he noticed where the petal had landed- it was a small letter, slightly wet and yellowed, kept in such a way that the rain wouldn’t destroy it. Someone must have kept it there on your request, and so he took it out, eyes taking in the faintly smudged but still intelligible words.

‘I’m sorry, Chuuya, for everything. I hope you can forgive me someday, even if I myself never could. Thank you for staying with me, for existing.

-Love, [Y/N]’

A silent tear slipped out of his eye, then another. “Idiot.” he whispered, voice cracking. “You’ve always been too hard on yourself. I think I forgave you a long time ago, I guess I just never wanted to acknowledge it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being too late.”

“And don’t worry, the moon looks beautiful tonight, and so do the roses. They’ve finally bloomed. I think you would have loved to see them, wouldn’t you?”

this took me ages to write, but i hope u like it hehehe anyways votes, reblogs and comments are really very much appreciated <333

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xiaosonlybeloved · 26 days

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Of Flowers and Death~ -Hanahaki AU

fem! reader x Zhongli, Zhongli x Guizhong, implied Zhongli x Lumine

warnings:- angst, hurt/no comfort, major character death, graphic descriptions of blood and violence. (lemme know if i missed anything) length-2.8k words a/n:- Mmm yes my favorite oneshot till date. stay till the end for that juicy angst haha (i have been writing for over two hours everything hurts but its worth it) Likes comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated, and do check out my childe smau too!

Edit:- there is a sequel now- Regret, Guilt, Anguish

masterlist

“Oh..” you murmured in less than a whisper. You were hidden behind a few rocks; you had come to meet Morax, the god of Liyue, but your dearest friend, Guizhong, was already there with him, and it looked like they were having a moment. You couldn’t help but want to listen in, because after all it was Morax who you had loved for most of your life.

You were a foreigner to Liyue; you came from Inazuma. But you weren’t any ordinary Inazuman. You were the third and youngest of the Raiden sisters, who ruled over Inazuma itself. No one other than the archons knew about your existence, because Ei and Makoto kept you a secret, protected. Although not many knew, there had indeed been a few attempts on the lives of the Raiden sisters, and this was what they wanted to protect you from.

After you had a few centuries of battle experience and training under your bag, you were allowed to explore the world. You were not tied down with the duties of ruling Inazuma. Naturally, you attracted the attention of the gods, each one of them remarking on how you inherited all the characteristic features of the Raidens.

Only the heavens above knew how you managed to become the best friend of one of the major gods, and that too Morax. But he was the reason you chose to settle down in Liyue. As time passed, your feelings for Morax, also called Zhongli by his friends, also grew more than platonic.

Now see, you knew Morax was something of a blockhead when it came to feelings. So you didn’t think much when Morax kept sending you mixed signals. You both were immortal gods after all, you had all the time in the world. You continued to hopelessly fool yourself, thinking that just perhaps, there was a chance of him loving you back.

Then came the goddess of Dust, Guizhong. A minor goddess she was, but a wonderful one. It didn’t take her too long to make her way into everyone’s hearts, including yours and Zhongli’s. While you both quickly grew into fast friends, there was just one thing that constantly irked you. Just one. It was the way she quickly grew so incredibly close to Zhongli.’

You knew that Guizhong fancied Zhongli; she confessed it to you yourself. You were forced to merely plaster a fake smile upon your face and laugh her words off.

That brought you to this day: watching Guizhong confess to Zhongli. And the amount of heartbreaking anguish when Zhongli accepted with a smile, pulling her in close, after having remained oblivious to all your advances over the decades…. It was just… You couldn’t handle it. It was too much.

You quietly sneaked away as soon as possible. And then.. And then came the coughs and the bloodstained petals. Being from Inazuma, you knew all about it of course. Hanahaki. Needless to say, you were horrified. Since that day, you somewhat avoided the duo on the pretext of the ongoing Archon War. It was here that you showed your true battle prowess as a Raiden. You alone decimated entire armies of the enemies, leaving not even ashes.

The war went on for months. You lost many allies in fighting to ensure that Makoto and Morax got seats in the Seven. Till sundown you fought without relent, showing that even a beauty can be dangerous. At night, you gave your fallen comrades the proper, respectful farewell they deserved. By now, only the last few contenders for the heavenly thrones were left. The last opponent for Morax was the ocean god, Osial, in Guyun Stone Forest, and his followers. Recognising the serious threat he posed, you did agree to team up with Morax to eliminate him. The path for Morax to become an archon would then become clear. Through experience, you both knew that you two together were a formidable force.

The battle was a long and exhausting one. You both started at sunrise, and barely managed to subdue him by sundown, having understood that even with their combined power, they would not be able to kill Osial. You both went back to your makeshift camp, looking forward to just resting for the night. Thank the gods you had very few coughing fits during the battle.

And yet, the moment you stepped past the protected borders, you felt that familiar eerie chill that crept up your spine. The heavy silence that hung ominously, the one that meant something was dreadfully, terribly wrong. And you were right. You took in the scene. The five Yakshas of Liyue were present, and they seemed to be sealing some sort of hexagonal structure, which was suspended above a figure. And the figure…

Was Guizhong.

Any dislike you harboured towards the Goddess of Dust disappeared as you laid your eyes upon the figure that had been turned to stone. The first and utmost thought in your mind was that something was wrong with your second best friend. Evidently Morax had come to the same conclusion. He let out a strangled sound as you both ran towards what remained of Guizhong. As you both gingerly touched her as if she was made of glass instead of stone, you knew. It was clear- Guizhong was no more.

Despite your stormy emotions, it seemed you were capable of only letting out a few tears. Morax seemed to be physically incapable of crying, yet his emotions were plainly displayed on his face for all to see.

That night, you stayed with Morax, doing your best to comfort him, despite needing comfort yourself. Neither of you had any more tears to shed.

That night, Morax has emerged as one of the Seven with your help, but you both lost Guizhong along the way.

~◈~

2 millenia had passed since the Archon War, and it left its scars on everyone. However, you could be lying if you said that you didn’t feel relieved that Guizhong was out of the way. You also felt guilty for feeling like that. But it was rather funny, how you managed to survive with your hanahaki for 2000 years, while most died within a few months. You supposed the reason was that Morax, who now completely lived as the mortal Zhongli in the Harbor, was seriously the absolute master at giving out mixed signals. He often unknowingly did things that lovers did, giving you hope. Yet that hope gets squashed a few days later, and the cycle continues. In all honesty, the hanahaki wasn’t really a big problem, more like a chronic disease that you had come to accept as a part of your life.

You knew that while Zhongli had mostly recovered by now, he still irrationally blamed himself for Guizhong’s death. You often told him to move on, yet he never said anything. You could see how opposed he was to the idea though. That’s why it was a surprise when he invited you to his office in the funeral parlor right after you returned from Inazuma. You could see on his face that there was something that pleased him. He first enquired about your travels and stuff, then said, “[name], do you remember how you’ve always told me to move on?” “Oh yes. Have you been thinking about that?” “Indeed. Although Guizhong will always have a special place in my heart, I believe that I am now ready to mingle again. I realised recently… that I have feelings for someone new.”

You couldn’t deny the flutter of excitement you felt on hearing those words.Was this finally it? “That’s great Zhongli! Who is it?” “Do you know the Traveler, Lumine? It’s her. I met her a while back, when you were out on your travels. I love her so much.” He proceeded to tell you all about Lumine. He was lovestruck and you could see that. With every word he spoke, you felt your heart drop more into your stomach. You were doomed. Utterly doomed.

All this time, you’d just been deluding yourself, lying to yourself. He had never loved you, and he never would. You were struggling to keep your easy smile glued to your face as yet again, you felt something rise up your throat. You politely managed to excuse yourself, your voice coming out all scratchy and raw. Once you walked out of his cabin, you sprinted towards the confines of your home. By the time you locked yourself in, some petals had already escaped and blood was smeared across your palm.

You were hunched over the sink, which was already full of flowers and blood within a few minutes. It hurt. Everything did, both your body and your broken heart. You knew your impending death was near, because never had your hanahaki been this severe. You couldn’t undergo the surgery because Zhongli was a massive part of your life, and simply forgetting about him would raise a barrage of questions. Plus, you still loved Zhongli too much to forget about him, despite the fact that somewhere deep down, you always knew that he’d never love you back.

~◈~

Your time was very close. The past few days had been spent isolated into the confines of your home, claiming to be exhausted from your latest journey whenever someone came to visit. Funnily enough, today was the day when Zhongli’s former love, and your former best friend, Guizhong, had died. In short, her death anniversary. Seemed it would be yours too.

You usually avoided visiting Guizhong’s memorial and burial site, which was in an isolated cave near Liyue Harbour. However today you thought it was fitting for you to pay your respects to her for the last time. And so, you dragged yourself out in the early morning, before sunrise. You left before anyone could see you, before he could see you.

By the time you are at your destination, your condition has significantly worsened due to the physical strain. It’s all you can do to respectfully place the flowers beside her memorial and lean against the wall. You began to speak to no one in particular in a cracked voice. “Hey Gui…? I hope.. You are at.. Peace… Just know that… I’ve never… hated you.. You’ve always been my.. Best friend.”

“How lucky you were… to be loved by Zhongli.”

Your throat choked up, not because of emotion, but because of another bout of bloody flowers. Not wanting to die there because he would see you, you got yourself out and into another deserted cave just beside. Not the best, but you had no choice. You had merely left a few petals at the entrance of both caves and a faint trail of blood in between.

By now, you had fallen to the ground in searing agony as flower after bloodstained flower forced its way out of your raw throat. You were lying on a bed of the flowers you yourself had coughed out.

How long it had been, you did not know. Perhaps minutes, perhaps hours. You started coughing again, not a moment’s respite. Your life force was almost completely drained. Any moment now.. You would be free.

It was then that you heard a horrified voice ring through the silence. “[Name]!”

~◈~

Zhongli was up at sunrise. Despite his new love, his mood was somber- it was Guizhong’s death anniversary. He had every intention to continue visiting her memorial. As usual, he sought you out. There was a rare chance that if you were in the mood, you would accompany him to pay respects to Guizhong. Yet when he knocked at your door several times and received no response, he chose to leave you alone, despite being slightly worried. You usually did respond at the very least, but he was sure you were alright,

He stopped short in front of the cave which housed Guizhong’s memorial. There was a fresh bouquet of Glaze lilies. But who brought them here? Especially since this place was practically unheard of. He took a few quick steps forward and kneeled down to inspect the bouquet. His heart lurched.

Attached to the bouquet was a small note that said, ‘To my dearest best friend, Guizhong.’ There was no name, but he recognised the handwriting well enough. [name] had already been here. Without him? Was there a reason?

His eyes were drawn to something else too. Relatively new footprints in the soil. And blood.

Blood?

His heavy footsteps echoed in the cave as he quickly walked out, following the faint trail of footprints, blood and petals. They were leading him to a nearby cave. His heart rate accelerated as he heard heavy coughing. And behold the sight that awaited him- an utterly pretty bed of flowers and petals stained in a blood red, and someone coughing while lying on it.

“[Name]!” He cried out, completely horrified.

You curled into yourself even more on hearing his voice. All you wanted was to die in peace, why did he have to make things more difficult? Why did he have to come here? The flowers started choking and constricting your throat on their way up, ever more unrelenting, fueled by the appearance of the one who caused them. It was so hard to breathe… Just a bit more…

You felt yourself being gently lifted into someone’s strong and warm embrace. You weakly met Zhongli’s eyes, which were full of panic. You’d only seen him lose his composure like this once before, his fear more than evident on his face. “[name]- I- What happened? Please, tell me! I- I can’t lose you too!” He exclaimed frantically, feeling your life ebb away second by second, with each cough that released blood and Glaze lilies.

Your throat constricted even more, making it excessively hard to breathe. You just wanted to rest, It was all you could do to force a few broken words from your raw throat.

“...Hana..haki…” That was all Zhongli needed to know to understand. His pupils dilated in fear even more. “Who.. Who is it who made you suffer this way?” Zhongli whispered, unable to take in your completely broken state. You didn’t respond for a few moments, feeling your eyelids shut. You forced them open, not wanting to leave him hanging. “Always.. Loved you.. Always will… Be happy.. For me.. Okay? That is my last wish.” You weakly tried to reach a hand towards Zhongli, who instantly grasped it tightly in hsi, and pressed it against his face, as the realisation hit him like a truck. “What..?” He whispered softly.

Your eyes started to droop again, and you gave in, feeling nothing but qa soft ringing in your ears as your senses dulled. “[name], no, please don’t leave me!” Zhongli cried out in panic, grief and anguish, seeing you slip away from him. You simply let a small smile rest on his face as you whispered, “Just.. sleeping.. Tired.” Unable to accept your fate, he whispered, “Sleep well then, my dearest.”

But you never lived to hear that.

Because then you moved no more.

Was fate trying to mock him with [name] dying in his arms, in front of him, on the same day as Guizhong’s death? You were always there for him, always there with him, until you weren’t. And never in his immortal life was Zhongli able to forgive himself for this, knowing that he was the reason you were dead.

mm yes now hows that huh? gonna disappear for a few days now haha tags and comments are very much appreciated!

#genshin impact #genshin angst #genshin fanfic #genshin zhongli #zhongli #zhongli x reader #skylia's works #icymi :)

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xiaosonlybeloved · 30 days

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Reblog if its ok to spam you with boops

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xiaosonlybeloved · 1 month

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Lost to Change~ Childe

featuring:- Tartaglia as Ajax when he was 14 yrs old, his family, gn!reader (no pronouns used) warnings:- implied angst, minor mention of injuries towards the end, nothing actually its just sad a/n:- oml my first actual writing in like weeks i kinda like it ngl. can be read as platonic or non platonic since ajax is 14 here and reader is close to his age too

wc:- 1.6k || masterlists

“Why isnt Dad back yet?” A little girl questioned you, her worry clear on her face. There’s nothing you can say, though, because you have no answer. “He must still be searching, Tonia.” you try to reassure her, watching over little Teucer who was still sleeping. “Try to go to sleep, Tonia. Tomorrow’s a holiday, but you should still get your sleep. If- When Ajax comes back home, he wouldn’t like to see you all exhausted now, would he?” Sensing her reluctance, you add, “I’m staying here. I’ll keep watch. Nothing will happen, I promise. I’ll wake you up when Uncle comes back home.”

Tonia eventually trudges away to her shared bedroom with Anthon, socked feet moving soundlessly across the carpeted floor. Her elder sister follows to tuck her in, leaving you alone with Teucer as you sigh, gazing out at the moon high in the sky, anxious.

Its been two nights since Ajax had suddenly disappeared without a trace. He’d borrowed some bread for some reason before he left, and no one’s heard of him since. He hadn’t left Morepesok, that much was certain, because his parents had already confirmed it with the police. Which meant that he was certainly somewhere within this quaint little village, or he was lost in the forest. You sincerely hoped it wasn’t the latter, as a distant howl of a wolf was heard.

The police were searching for him too, but his dad had been unable to sit still and wait for any news, so he left to search for Ajax himself. He knows how to protect himself... He would be fine.

“Thank you for staying here, dear. I’m sorry to have asked you to, but sometimes the kids only listen to you, not me. You can go to sleep in the guest bedroom too, its alright. I’m staying awake” Ajax’s mother spoke up from beside the fireplace. At this point, she treats you like you’re her one of her own kids too, and its somewhat reassuring. You quickly reply, “No no, its completely fine, I understand. I don’t mind watching the kids at all. And I’ll give you company till he comes back, don’t worry. I’m used to sleepless nights.”

Ajax’s father comes back in the early morning, alone. The disappointment and worry is very visible on everyone’s faces. You wake Tonia and Anthon up, as promised. Ajax’s elder sister, Maria, and his two elder brothers had stayed awake through the night too. Breakfast is silent as the dim sunrays filter through the forest canopy. You insist on him getting some sleep. The house is silent as everyone goes to their bedrooms after breakfast to try and rest. You use the spare bedroom- its practically yours anyways, with how many times you’ve stayed here for sleepovers with Ajax. There’s a hoard of blankets in one corner of the room that was used to make a fort every single sleepover. It was like an unofficial tradition of yours.

You try to sleep. Its better than drowning in worry, anyways.

******

Ajax had a guilty frown on his face as he observed your near-sleeping figure. He should have realised that you’d be tired, it had been a long day after all. But he’d been dying to watch the newest movie of their favorite series with you, and of course, you never said no to him. He’d been too engrossed in the movie to notice when your head dropped onto his shoulder- a usual thing between you two. You mumble some gibberish as he carries you to the bed (not without his struggles, you two were children after all) and switches off the T.V. “Is the movie over? I didn’t realise…” You yawn as you sleepily pull up the blankets to your chin. The nights in Snezhnaya were always freezing cold after all, which is why you dont hesitate to do the same with the second blanket Ajax drapes over you. “Nops, but we can watch it tomorrow morning after breakfast. I think Anthon would like to watch it too, if you don’t mind?” “Mm, I don’t, he’s such an adorable kid. They grow up so fast, don’t they?” you mumble. “Are you coming to sleep too?” “..Yeah.” He responds quietly, snuggling into another set of blankets beside you. “Goodnight, [Y/N].” Because you’re already in dreamland by then, having been content to see him resting beside you, you miss the swirling childlike emotions, the sparkle in his eyes. You’re so used to it, seeing it is like second nature to you, an undeniable part of every day.

You wouldn’t have believed it if you had been told that one day, soon, that innocence, that sparkle in his eyes would vanish, to never reappear again.

******

You tried to cling on to the distant memory of your dream that was rapidly fading away as you awoke. You liked the dream. The memory… you were rather untroubled in it because of the presence of your best friend. Much unlike your conscious self’s distress and concern caused due to the same person.

The sun was glaring through the thin air and the gaps between the curtains.”She’s awake.” A small voice whispered, and another retorted, “You were too loud.” Tonia and Anthon. They’re arguing in hushed tones, startling with an incredibly guilty look as you sit up. And that face is so, so familiar that it instantly reminds you of the person they learnt it from, which reminds you that Ajax is still missing and it has been almost 3 days since then. “Is something the matter?” You question them as you rub the sleep out of your eyes. You’re surprised you even manage to fall asleep.

“Well, Mom, Dad, Maria and Atlas are going out to search for Ajax, and me and Tonia are going with them too. Maria and Dad know how to fight, so we should be safe. Alex is staying home to take care of Teucer. Dad told us to ask you if you wanted to come along too.” Anton says quickly. You nod without hesitation as you briskly put on extra layers suited for the chill outside.

As you walk, they inform you that they’re splitting into two groups, one with their dad, Anthon and Atlas and one with you, his elder sister Maria, Tonia and their mom, to scour the forest. You’ll keep in contact with each other if someone needs help or finds Ajax. You all are strictly to return home an hour before the sun starts setting.

******

There’s not much time left before dusk when finally Maria calls their dad. He immediately answers, starting to tell them to return home now, before Maria swiftly cuts him off. “We found Ajax. He’s injured. We’re bringing him home immediately, please call a doctor in the meanwhile.” She states bluntly. Nearby, you and his mom are doing your best to wrap the wounds and stop the bleeding for a while.

Ajax was unconscious and looked much worse for wear. Somehow, his hair had grown longer than it should have in three days. Same with his height too, he was definitely taller by a few centimetres from when you had last seen him, as you and Maria carried him home together, his mother and Tonia right behind you. You meet Atlas near their house, who takes Ajax from you as he can carry him faster to the doctor awaiting you all at the house.

Despite the concern, there’s definitely relief mixed in everyone’s emotions to finally finding the runaway. There’s silence in the living room, because the doctor shooed everyone out while he did a checkup and took care of his injuries. After some time that felt like an eternity, he finally reports to you that physically Ajax was alright, he was ordered bedrest for atleast a day, to take care to not reopen his wounds, and that he was awake now.

You were the first one out of your seat as you immediately hurried to Ajax’s room, eager to finally talk to him, maybe scold him for his recklessness.

Ajax is facing the setting sun in the window, away from you when you enter. “Ajax, you-” You stop short when he turns to face you.

Something’s not quite right.

His smile is the same, if not a bit wider and more cheerful than you’d ever seen him. There was self-confidence in his posture, something he’d lacked before. Make no mistake, you’re happy about that, but…

“Hey [Y/N]! Long time no see!” Ajax blithely exclaims with a grin, and something about it is so off.

It’s him, its definitely him, your instincts tell you so. But at the same time, its not him. Not the Ajax you knew.

His eyes are completely dull, two dark pools of blue without any shine or light in them. Not a hint of emotion was displayed in them, just a vast emptiness that contradicted his demeanor. His eyes, which used to be your gateway to his thoughts, have locked you out firmly now, no key in hand.

As the rest of his worried family crowds behind and around you, you realise with a bone-crushing certainty, looking at him, that the Ajax you all knew, loved and missed was gone, lost to the world in those past three days, perhaps never to return. It would never be the same again, he would never be the same again.

(help this isnt even the main plot point i had for this idea this was supposed to be the background not a whole fic on its own-) anyways reblogs, tags and comments are very appreciated thank you <333

#skylia's works #genshin impact #genshin imagines #genshin fanfic #genshin #genshin oneshots #genshin angst #childe #tartaglia #genshin ajax #genshin childe #genshin tartaglia #childe x reader #tartaglia x reader #tartaglia angst #childe angst

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xiaosonlybeloved · 2 months

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hello everyone, sorry but I'll be going on hiatus for a while due to several personal reasons. I have finals season coming up, and i need to focus on that, and also lately, writing just hasn't been feeling that rewarding. hopefully after a month or two, ill have more motivation to write, since i genuinely enjoy writing as a hobby, but not for now. anyways ill definitely be continuing the skk series after im back lmao, whenever that is :)

#skylia speaks #bsd #genshin #skylia's works

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xiaosonlybeloved · 2 months

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Daydreams~ Soukoku

featuring:- Dazai Osamu x Nakahara Chuuya (bsd) tags:- literally none, just fluff, not proofread at all, college au, so my depiction of college might be inaccurate a/n:- amazing just great im going soft :/ also there will be a part 2 to this, maybe more bc i didnt even get to include the main plot point i had for this fic lmao, anyways probably expect me to disappear again haha

wc:- 1.4k || masterlists

Chuuya hesitantly walks into the campus, hoping he didn’t draw much attention to himself. After all, it was his first year here, and he’d just moved in from another city. The last thing he needed was unwanted attention right in the beginning of the year.

Thankfully, he seems to blend in well with the crowd, and he can easily admire the large campus without being called out for it. A relieved smile rests on his face as he keeps his stuff into his locker, checking his schedule for the day.

When there’s around 5 minutes left for the first lecture, Chuuya goes to head off to class, but instead his books end up clattering to the ground as he violently bumps into someone much taller than him the moment he turns. Annoyed, he steps back to pick up his books, glancing to see the rude person who had been rushing through the corridors so late.

‘Gods, he’s pretty.’ Is the first thought that goes through Chuuya’s mind the moment he sees the face framed in soft brown curls.

“Oh, sorry there, you’re so short I didn’t see you, chibi!” The brunette he just met for the first time cheerfully and mockingly says to him as an apology. Naturally, the next thing that Chuuya thinks is ‘Why the hell is he so annoying.’ The boy was clearly late on the first day, and then he has the audacity to make fun of his height? With such a sorry excuse of an apology when he was the one who bumped into Chuuya? “Oi, what the hell did you call me? I’m not short, you get that? I’m still growing. And keep your eyes and head on the ground, not in the sky, or you’ll take a nasty fall soon.” Chuuya retorts angrily, pushing past the irritating (irritatingly pretty) brunette so that he wasn’t late, unlike a certain someone. Of course though, during his short walk to class, his thoughts were plagued by someone he’d rather not think about.

Thankfully, he was well in time for class, having gotten some time to socialize too. He thinks he’s met some nicer people, who introduced themselves as Gin, Akutagawa and Higuchi. ‘Today might actually be the beginning of some new friendships.’ he thought with a smile as the hall quietened down when the lecturer walked in.

******

The lecturer, Oda Sakunosuke, had just started to get into the flow around 5 minutes later, when the door burst open with a very late attendee. The lecturer doesnt seem surprised. “Ah, sorry I’m late, got held up.” says the person who just came in, searching for an empty seat while Oda continued to speak..

The pretty guy he bumped into earlier? They shared this class?

And just great. The only empty seat in the hall was beside Chuuya, which meant that the only place the goddamn annoying brunette had to sit in was beside him. “Nice to see you again chibi, didn’t know we shared classes.” The brunette, whose name he still didn’t know, whispered to him with a grin as he settled himself, taking out a notebook. “Can’t you shut up for a while? As you can see, I’m actually paying attention, unlike you.” He whispers back, irritated already, taking notes.

“But this is boringg~” he whined softly. Chuuya slowly exhaled, ignoring the tiresome brunette. (He’s trying his best to not look at him- he doesn’t want to end up admiring the infuriatingly charming face on the infuriatingly not-charming personality.)

Some time into the lecture, he finds a torn piece of paper on his desk with something scribbled on it. ‘Damn, his handwriting is pretty too. Unfair.’ Chuuya thinks. The paper reads: ‘Chibiiii, entertain me, I have nothing to do!’ with a dumb emoticon after it. He wrinkles his nose as he writes ‘Not interested, focus on the lecture. Don’t irritate me.’ and passes it back to the brunette.

‘Like I said, I’m bored. I don’t even know your name, chibi. :( ’

‘Not like I care, and stop calling me that, my name is Chuuya.’

‘Hmmm, Chuuya, such a pretty and fitting name for such a short person. Well, mine’s Dazai ’

’Thanks ig, and I’m. Not. Short. You’re just taller than average, which is your fault, Now shut the hell up.’

‘No!’

Chuuya crumples the paper from Dazai and puts it under his desk to throw away later. At least he now has a name to put on the person who seems determined to bother him to death. ‘Dazai’s a nice name though.’

When the lecture ended and the students started filing out in small groups, Oda called him and some others. With a gentle smile, he says, “You’re all new here, aren’t you? For you to get accustomed to the campus faster, I’ll be assigning partners to you all who will be showing you around the campus and helping you out whenever you need. In my class, if there are paired projects, these students will be the one you’ll be paired with, for the sake of convenience. Any questions?” When there’s none, he nods and starts calling out the names. The respective student and their partner head off together then.

When his turn comes, Dazai pops up behind him. “Hello again, chibi Chuuya~ And Oda, I suppose.” Oda ignores him and says, “Dazai, you'll be Chuuya's partner for the year. Don't annoy him or overwhelm him. Get that? If I get any complaints from him, you'll have to deal with me.” “Yes yes Oda, bla bla bla I get that. ” Dazai rolls his eyes, faking an uninterested yawn, and Chuuya again finds himself surprised at his audacity, towards a lecturer no less. “Chuuya, please don't hesitate to inform me if you have any complaints towards him.” Oda tells him, and he nods and Oda dismisses him and Dazai.

Dazai sticks to him like a dumb piece of gum after that. First on the claim of ‘showing Chuuya around’, which was just him showing Chuuya his favorite spots- which were all quite dangerous by the way, like the mostly abandoned terrace with very weak railings that could possibly break at any moment. Then because he ‘didnt have anyone to sit with’ during lunch. So Dazai ended up sitting with him, Gin, Akutagawa, Higuchi, and two of their older friends who were in second year, Kouyou and Tachihara. He already liked Kouyou because she was a redhead too, and Tachihara was surprisingly easy to get along with. Dazai mostly remained silent, occasionally giving his random opinions on something or teasing Chuuya on his height. Why was Dazai so stuck on it anyways? He was still growing! (Too bad he never did-) Naturally, Chuuya angrily responded with his own insults to Dazai's creative ones, while the others merely laughed at his expense.

********

Chuuya always complained about Dazai being a pest and a menace, but if he would be honest with himself, (which he wouldn't) he enjoyed having Dazai around. The annoyingly pretty brunette was amusing to be around as the days passed, and they honestly connected with each other when it came to important stuff. And although he rarely ever contributed to their group projects, which was incredibly infuriating, whenever he did, his inputs were extremely useful. It made Chuuya want to kick him for not doing more, the asshole. Not that he hadn't done that- he often threw light punches at Dazai when he teased him about his height, but nothing much. And they actually had each other's backs, despite all the teasing and punching.

All in all, they were very ripe opportunities for Chuuya to start falling for the brunette. I mean, he already had the first time he saw Dazai, y'know? Just that he kinda kept pushing them away, firmly in denial. By the end of the highly eventful year, even his friends had started noticing it, giving them great blackmail material to use against Chuuya.

Eventually, one random day in the second semester, Chuuya ended up wondering if somehow something would change after the end of the year.

reblogs, comments and votes are very much appreciated <33

#bsd #soukouku #skk #skk fluff #skk fanfics #soukoku fluff #soukoku fanfics #bsd skk #dazai #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #bsd chuuya #chuuya #nakahara chuuya #chuuya nakahara #bungou stray dogs #soukoku #bungo gay dogs #bungo stray dogs fanart

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xiaosonlybeloved · 2 months

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thanks for the tag!

Last song I listened to: RISE - League of Legends

Favorite color: Darker shades of purples and blues

Currently watching: rewatching bungo stray dogs hehe

Relationship Status: married to fictional characters aka single as hell lmaoo

Current obsession: soukoku, bsd, suicide love by midsplit (ITS AN AMAZING SONG!!!), yt bsd cosplayers

tagging:- whoever wants to join <33

9 people I'd like to know better tag game!

I was tagged by @mikathewriter, go check her out she's awesome!!

Last song I listened to: Back 2 Back by Hideki Naganuma, Sonic Rush OST

Favorite color: Purple!! I love it!!!

Currently watching: I don't watch too much media nowadays but I've recently read dungeon meshi

Relationship Status: the last chicken strip in the leftover box

Current obsession: Elden Ring grabbed my attention and piledrived me into the world's lore

Now I challenge @gio-goose, @softwaredevaki, @solbadguysmelons, @antiv3nom, @cosmichorrorsarestillnicerthanme, @watermelon-but-awesome, and I don't really have enough mutuals that I talk to so sorry for not listing 9 :P

#🔮 moots<3

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xiaosonlybeloved · 2 months

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whoops sorry for disappearing lifes been hectic but ive got started on that skk fluff! Might turn it into a miniseries lmao

#skylia speaks #bsd #skk

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xiaosonlybeloved · 3 months

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guys omg tysmmmm

#skylia speaks

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xiaosonlybeloved · 3 months

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#skylia speaks #skk #soukoku #dazai #dazai osamu #bsd dazai #bsd #bungou gay dogs

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xiaosonlybeloved · 3 months

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uh i think ill give u some fluff bc i have no understood what it feels like to read a pure angst ending

#context:- my heart has been absolutely shattered by this one wattpad skk fic and it will never be repaired again.#skylia speaks

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xiaosonlybeloved · 3 months

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Too Late~ Dazai Osamu

featuring:- PM!Dazai Osamu, gn!reader (no pronouns mentioned), Chuuya (briefly) warnings:- angst, hurt/no comfort, being hostage, mentions of torture in captivity, graphic mentions of blood and violence, major character death, lmk if i missed anything a/n:- im already sighing on looking at the warnings... it IS bsd i suppose.. well here's what im best at again, in a new fandom, so have some angst that is VERY late set some time before Odasaku's death

wc:- 2.5k || masterlist

Not many people knew what it was like to have known Dazai before he joined the Port Mafia. To be one of the few people who had been trusted by him. Keyword being ‘had’- for some, some unfathomable reason, he’d drifted away, leaving you behind, alone. Making you wonder if for some reason he wanted nothing to do with you anymore.

It hurt. It hurt that you could lose him so easily, despite having been with him throughout the years, making sure he knew that you would always be there for him, silently tending to him after yet another attempt. It hurt because you had no idea what you did wrong to push him away. It hurt because he didn’t care anymore, for you, for them, for your shared childhood.

A fool could have probably known that you shouldn’t have gotten so close to the brunette, that he leaves nothing but a trail of suffering and sorrow in the wake of the people who dared to care for him. You, however, argued that he wasn’t like this before. At all. Again, a fool’s excuse.

Perhaps the Port Mafia had changed him, so much more than it changed you. Because now, he was completely unrecognisable, almost like he was a different person altogether. And you can’t help but dully wonder where the man you once knew almost inside out went, the man who once did his best to stay with you no matter what, when he abandoned you yet again during a joint mission ordered by Mori, citing some logical reasons of why it was better for you to not be with him during a mission. (Like always.) Not even bothering to get your opinion or response, something he never did before joining the Mafia.

You watch silently as the brunette slowly disappears into the horizon, leaving you behind. Again.

That night, as you return to your apartment alone once again, (Bittersweet memories surface in your mind- young Dazai cheerily walking you back home, laughing.), you get the distinct feeling that something is off. You are a mafioso after all, you need to have a keen sense for danger to be alive in this industry. You’re instantly on high alert, even though you look calm as always, with your hands in your coat pockets, ready to pull out your knives in a moment. But you still can’t sense anyone following you. Just to be sure, you take a detour home.

You take a deep breath at the threshold of your door, relieved to be back here. That sense of danger wasn’t as prominent anymore, and you were dying to get some sleep in an attempt to get a certain brunette out of your mind. You’d deal with whatever the problem was tomorrow- you’d had enough today. You can’t help but smile forlornly as you walk into your dimly lit home-

-And then suddenly you’re falling, falling, into a void of darkness, surrounded by the people you care, by him, hurling words at you that stab you like a thousand knives in a nightmare, and dumbly you realise that you walked right into an ability user’s trap, before the unknown ability takes your consciousness, bringing a silent darkness and pain.

*********

Mimic. A foreign organisation, a group of extremely skilled soldiers who sought the Port Mafia for unknown reasons. People who are willing to go to extreme lengths to get what they wanted- much like your own boss, really. And the ones who are your captors.

You can’t move, you’ve been chained. You assume that they want someone valuable to the Mafia as a hostage, and apparently you serve the purpose well. And dammit, you’ve been completely disarmed while unconscious, you can’t feel a single weapon on you. You’re alone, too, but there’s definite signs that someone’s been here, multiple times. There’s also an assortment of sharp weapons some distance away from you, and you think its cruel to leave them in your sight but out of reach. There’s no windows or openings either.

Footsteps echo outside the door of the room you’ve been kept in, breaking your survey of the room and your thoughts of escape routes. Two men walk in, dignified. It’s clear that they are war-trained soldiers. One of them stops talking with a grin, as he notices you awake.

**********

They want an individual from the Mafia on orders of their boss. They claim that Mori has been taking too long in making a decision, and they apparently hope their decision to take you captive will either force Mori to choose, or force you to give up the individual’s identity yourself in exchange for your freedom under pressure. But you can’t, won’t do the latter.

Because the individual they want is Oda Sakunosuke, Dazai’s new best friend, and you know damn well that he would utterly despise you if you gave up his identity, if you took away the one who gave him his reason to smile these days. Bitter thoughts cloud your mind, of how he abandoned you completely over some new friends, and you wonder if it would be better to just tell them. But then, your mafia sense kicks in, reasoning that if Mori doesn’t want his identity to be revealed yet, then you're probably as good as dead if you choose for him instead and return alive. (You would later realise that this thinking, too, was planned out by Mori, that bastard.) Your captors let hints slide that they’ll let your absence build up for a while, then let the Mafia know of your being their captive. Hopefully they do something.

You’ll just have to do your best to get out of those damn bonds by then, or survive till then. This was a very convenient time to wish that Dazai had taught you his little trick on how to unlock handcuffs, you think wistfully.

*********

As it turns out, surviving is an extremely hard thing to do after a few days have passed since Mori was apparently informed about the news of your captivity. Mori still hadn’t responded with his decision. Proof being the various cuts and bruises littering your skin already, a few small bloodstains already on the wall and floor. Not too much. Yet. They were intent on forcing your answer out of you, and clearly wouldn’t mind going to extremes for it.

You did your utmost to not make a single reaction when the knife pierced through your skin again, despite the pain that shot through your body for the umpteenth time. Unfortunately, you were well trained on how to not divulge information in captivity- after all, the Port Mafia really couldn’t risk their insider secrets getting out.

You were still intent on escaping, on getting out. You still had a flicker of hope in you, that someone would come for you, that he might come for you, despite the past few days proving fruitless. You refused to give up yet. You still believed in him, in them, that you wouldn’t be abandoned so easily by your kin.

‘Such a naive belief’, you would dully think some days later.

********

Hope seemed like such a foolish thing now. You had lost track of time in the room without windows. No idea of how many days or weeks had passed. They weren’t coming for you. Of course they weren’t. You weren’t that important anyways, easily replaceable. Casualties happened often, what did it matter if someone died by being taken hostage? You truly attempted to free yourself, many times. You never succeeded, and each time you only received more wounds as punishment. Your captors were merciless, to say the least.

Wounds. That seemed like a small word to use at this point, with how battered and bruised you were. Your clothes were bloodsoaked, and you’d lost count of the number of scars and cuts you’d gained from your captors a long while ago. You could sense they were getting extremely frustrated by the lack of response. You didn’t mind, you didn’t care. You’d even stopped screaming when they cut you particularly deep- you just didn’t have any strength left in you at all. You passed out a few times from extreme blood loss. You could almost hear Mori in your mind, scolding you to get up already.

Mori. Of course, everything was probably a part of his heartless plans, fully willing to use any number of pawns for their execution.

At this point, you just wanted to be put out of your misery.

Your wish was granted some time- days?- later.

*******

Dazai was initially relieved when you didn’t show up to your next joint mission. He wouldn’t have to ensure your safety and hide his feelings again. But he’d quickly figured out that something was wrong when you didn’t show up again, and again, and you were nowhere to be seen around the Port Mafia buildings either. He’d gathered up the courage to go to your apartment, but had immediately sensed the ability at the entrance and deactivated it. That was what confirmed it for him, and finally, he allowed himself to feel fear for his childhood best friend. For you.

He was well aware that he didn’t deserve to, after how terribly he treated you in an attempt to protect himself from his emotions. His only defence was that he was afraid of hurting you- he knew his reputation well. But that didn’t matter right now- he had to find you. Except not a single person had a clue of your whereabouts. The only person he hadn’t questioned yet was Mori.

Somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to go beyond the doors of Mori’s office. He was scared. Scared of what he’d find.

Again, that would prove to be one of his biggest mistakes, when Kouyou grimly approached him, having accidentally obtained information about you that she wasn’t even supposed to know in Mori’s office. Kouyou cared for you enough to let Dazai know of your situation.

Dazai felt sick to the core when he saw the single picture attached in the message Kouyou sent him, along with a decision to choose between you and the future-seeing ability user- Odasaku. His heart dropped into his stomach even more when he saw that the last message was a few days ago. What if-?

No. Dazai refused to think of that possibility. He’d track down the source of that picture, he’d hunt them down, make them regret their decision, and he’d get you back. He’d make sure of it. He had too many apologies he owed to you after all, even if they would never make up for all that he’d done. He would.

*******

You were surprised that their boss hadn’t shown up to interrogate you yet. You simply stared hollowly at the walls as the door slammed open and the highest-ranked individual in the facility walked in, knife in hand.

Not a single piece of information slipped past your mouth, as he went through the routine torture process.

Time passes, and you can see that he’s grown extremely frustrated with your lack of response. One of the others standing at the door, watching your misery, suggested that he simply kill you and get it over with. It was pointless to keep you around anymore.

‘Finally’ you think darkly. You didn’t think you could hold out for much longer.

You close your eyes, not wanting to see your killer. Instead, you remember the people you care for, silently apologising to them for giving up. Somewhere, in the background, you hear the distant noises of shouting. Probably some of the other soldiers playing cards or something again.

Despite you willing yourself to not make a sound, a shattering scream tears itself out of your throat when you feel the knife harshly stabbed straight into your heart. Your killer twisted it roughly- another scream, your last- and then pulled the knife out.

You feel yourself fall forward, double in on yourself, wrists held back to the wall. The agony is excruciating, but hopefully it won’t last long. To you, it feels as if your screams are echoing in the room, or maybe in your mind, and your vision has gone blurry in pain. But then, you realise through your numb haze that your screams do not sound like that- you’ve heard the sound enough.You realize that maybe someone has attacked your captors.

There’s a terrified shout mixed in all the clamor, and its a voice that you would recognise anywhere. ‘But there’s no way’, you think hollowly. No one cared enough to come for you.

Then you feel yourself falling forward suddenly, blood gushing out from your chest, into someone’s familiar arms as your eyes close. The handcuffs are gone. Faintly, you hear a voice- his voice- through the ringing in your ears, saying something unintelligible to you. You can’t understand what's being said, but you struggle to open your eyes one last time to see.

And somehow, Dazai is there, holding you tightly, eyes full of panic and terror, everyone else in the room crushed to the ground. He’s saying something worriedly to someone behind him- Chuuya. You briefly wonder if you’re hallucinating, but decide against it- this all feels too real. This must have been the shouts in the distance.

They came for you. In the end, they came, albeit a bit too late. You feel yourself being lifted, and then Dazai is running out, holding you carefully as if you could break any moment- you’re already broken though. You feel the cool night breeze for the first time in ages, see the beautiful moon again. A small smile rests on your lips as you feel yourself finally fall limp in his arms. ‘He still looks as pretty as before, and maybe, just maybe, he still cares for you’, is what you think.

You shut your eyes again, surrendering yourself to the darkness beyond the agony.

********

Horrified is much too mild a word to use, when he sees your condition. When he sees you being stabbed in front of his eyes, when you fall limp in his arms. The next moments are a panicked blur, Chuuya saying something to take you somewhere, that he’ll handle this place. He runs straight out, towards the Mafia building, towards the doctors, towards the hospital, anywhere, anywhere you can be saved.

But its already too late, he knows it when you don’t move in his arms anymore, when your bleeding chest doesn’t rise and fall again, and he doesn’t know what else to do apart from screaming in sorrow and fear, because he’s just lost the one person who understood him like no one else, who cared for him like no one else, who he stupidly pushed away, and its all because of him. He falls to his knees, still clutching your lifeless, bleeding body. Your face had a hint of a smile in your last few moments, and that is what finally breaks him. All he can do is cry out apologies continuously, tears freely streaming down his face, for everything he’s done wrong, for how he’s treated you, for being too late to save you.

finallyyy, and as usual, votes, comments and reblogs are very much appreciated also lmk if you guys want a happy ending :D

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #dazai osamu #dazai x reader #dazai angst

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xiaosonlybeloved · 3 months

Text

Too Late~ Dazai Osamu

wc:- 2.5k || masterlist

You watch silently as the brunette slowly disappears into the horizon, leaving you behind. Again.

*********

**********

*********

‘Such a naive belief’, you would dully think some days later.

********

Mori. Of course, everything was probably a part of his heartless plans, fully willing to use any number of pawns for their execution.

At this point, you just wanted to be put out of your misery.

Your wish was granted some time- days?- later.

*******

Somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to go beyond the doors of Mori’s office. He was scared. Scared of what he’d find.

*******

Not a single piece of information slipped past your mouth, as he went through the routine torture process.

‘Finally’ you think darkly. You didn’t think you could hold out for much longer.

There’s a terrified shout mixed in all the clamor, and its a voice that you would recognise anywhere. ‘But there’s no way’, you think hollowly. No one cared enough to come for you.

You shut your eyes again, surrendering yourself to the darkness beyond the agony.

********

finallyyy, and as usual, votes, comments and reblogs are very much appreciated also lmk if you guys want a happy ending :D

#extra:- this was all part of mori's plan to make dazai leave pm without actually making him leave bc he feared dazai wanted his position #and he follows this up with oda's death to finally push dazai over the edge as he lost the two ppl he cared abt the most and left #skylia's works #bsd #bungo stray dogs #dazai #dazai osamu #bsd dazai #dazai x reader #dazai osamu x reader #dazai angst #bsd angst #bungou stray dogs dazai #dazai bsd #dazai x reader angst #bsd oneshots #dazai oneshots

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